#but fr this is very close to my canon au

[tieronecrush]

hot & heavy

epilogue: our love is going gold

neighbor!joel x f!reader

series masterlist

series rating: E (18+ MDNI)

series summary:

over the course of three summers, joel miller becomes woven into your life. the first summer is spent falling for him; nannying his daughter and sneaking around with him in a burning love affair. you know how you feel about joel, he isn’t so sure about how it all is gonna work. the second summer is brief. a month spent at home after graduation and before you move to boston for your dream job. one look at you, one time hearing your voice, and joel is hooked again. he pines over you for that month, but you think — how is long distance of over a thousand miles going to work for a single dad? the third summer, you return home burnt out and pride bruised from your post-grad life. you need time to feel at home again, like your complete self, so you’ve come back home with no return ticket booked. it’s only a matter of time before joel seeks you out, slowly spending more time with you. without an inevitable end to the summer looming over you both, what chances are you willing to take?

word count: 17.2k (but she's done. like done, done.)

warnings (**SPOLIERS**): NO OUTBREAK (don’t need to worry about the mushies), no use of y/n, inexperienced reader, age gap (joel is 30/31, reader is 22), canon-divergent (sarah is now 10 y/o), nanny au, pet names (sweetheart, darling, sweet girl, mariposa, etc.), established relationship, engagement, marriage, alcohol, eating, very lovey romantic, polite southern manners, spanish/spanglish cause joel is latino, soft joel, domestic joel, WIFE!! GUY!! JOEL!!, discussion of parenting, step-parenting, struggles with conceiving, negative self talk and image, smut, soft dom joel, fingering, oral (f receiving), joel worships the ground his wife walks on and also her body, praise, unprotected p in v (they're tryna get pregnant, not you!), breeding kink, sort of nursing kink? joel is briefly obsessed with your tits and makes comments, mating press, a flash of cumplay, the BRIEFEST mention of daddy kink, joel really wants to give his wife a baby, pregnancy, a mention of giving birth, girl dad joel, CUTE FAMILY!!!

also this is the song mentioned <3 it's a fave of mine and i think very joel & mari

a/n: this has been a doozy but happy to hand this over to y'all. this is simply what i envisioned for their future, and if you had different thoughts, i would love to hear them! <3 or if you have any headcanons for their life beyond this, drop them in my inbox! this fic and these characters are my children and i love them very much. will probably keep them alive somehow. and thank you to everyone who's read this series, you are all so special to me and have sincerely made me feel so much more confident in my writing!

as always, thank you thank you thank you @northernbluess for beta-ing, couldn't do it without you! and this extremely long ending is dedicated to el and kiwi @kiwisbell you are my hype people fr

i feel like i need to say like signing off on h&h now lol so this is me doing that & closing the book!

** this is set over three additional summers post-main story **

first of many

After the holidays, it was an easy decision to move in with Joel and Sarah. The Millers had joined your family for their annual, lowkey celebrations; spending Christmas Eve with Joel and Sarah, it was a treat to witness him playing Santa after Sarah had gone to bed. Only a few curses under his breath putting together the new dollhouse she’d requested from St Nick, the other presents from her father, and your gifts to her carefully wrapped under the tree. The two of you split the plate of cookies while watching A Christmas Story, you and Joel taking turns mumbling the words to the iconic scenes under your breaths.

The next morning, your heart was overwhelmed with the love that you hold for this family that has welcomed you in and made you a part of it. Sarah gifted you a photo frame that she’d made at school, painted with flowers and butterflies, and a photo of the three of you from the trip to the apple orchard you’d taken that fall. Once Sarah was occupied with her new treasures, gifts were exchanged between you and Joel. Requesting to gift first, you stand up from the couch and tiptoe around Sarah and her new dolls sprawled across the floor to the front hall closet and retrieve a brand new, custom acoustic guitar. 

Sitting back with him, guitar placed into his hands and his eyes combing over it, his lips part with a gasping breath when he notices in the inlay of ‘SME’ for his daughter’s name, Sarah Elena.

“The old one in the corner of your room was lookin’ a little worse for wear, and I hadn’t seen you play it in a while…” you trail off in the silence, waiting for his response, “Do you—do you like it? Is it the right kind? I tried to match it the best I could to the one upstairs.”

“Oh, Mari baby, I love it. It’s beautiful, thank you so much…” He shakes his head, taking another sighing exhale in appreciation as he turns it in his hands. “Hadn’t played the other one 'cause it wasn’t quite playable anymore. Restrung it a few too many times, the wood was warped from some water damage. The perils of having a toddler around years ago. This is…it’s perfect, Mariposa.”

You beam, shifting in your seat and anxiously fiddling with your fingers. Joel sets the instrument down next to him carefully, turning back to you. He leans in, kissing you delicately and whispering another ‘thank you’ against your lips, “Guess m’gonna have to serenade you now.”

“Oh, yeah, J. I expect one nightly,” you playfully respond, kissing him again before he pulls away, his turn to stand from his place on the couch. 

He wanders over to the tree, plucking the last wrapped gift from under it, and returning to sit next to you. Handing over the small rectangular box, you unwrap it gingerly, glancing at Joel’s knee bouncing. You gently set your hand on it, smiling at him which he returns, biting his lip to channel his jittery energy. Opening the box, you’re met with the shining gold links of a beautiful charm bracelet. Your eyes wander over the small icons, feeling your chest tighten with love as you take them all in: A small ‘S’ with a ruby-colored stone at each end of the curve, a matching ‘J’ with a sapphire embedded into it right next to the ‘S; there’s a tiny gold key, nearly identical to the one he had given to you those three summers before for your job that started it all; a tiny set of longhorn antlers that is reminiscent of home; a lighthouse that reminds you of one you visited while living in Boston, a day you had documented and sent Joel some of the photos in the mail to recap your time. It was a day you had been happy there, and it made your heart ache that he remembered that. The last charm on the bracelet is a butterfly, bejeweled with kelly green stones, the color of the leaves that you told him were your favorite years ago. The ache in your chest is worked out of its knot with Joel’s hand at your back, a gasping breath as you blink back tears.

Clearing your throat, your watery smile has a flash of worry crossing his eyes before you hand him the bracelet you’ve taken out of the box, lightly requesting, “Will you put it on for me?”

Joel nods shyly, taking the dainty piece in his hands, and hooking the clasp around your wrist after a few tries. You both admire it, your smile growing wider and his matching yours.

“Merry Christmas, Mari baby. I love you.”

“Merry Christmas, J. I love you, too.”

Now, months later, the bracelet on your wrist glints in the sun as you hold onto Sarah’s hand, letting her lead you around the atrium filled with butterflies. Spending the day at the same farm you three had visited summers ago, and had kept up with the tradition with the summers following, you picked an abundance of strawberries, wandered through the nature paths, and now ending the day at the youngest Miller’s favorite spot.

Sarah wildly points out the different types of butterflies, the encyclopedia book of the insect’s species that you had gifted her for Christmas coming in handy for today as she reads the small signs of each patterned, winged creature, adding in her tidbits that she remembers. A grin stays plastered on your face as you listen intently, paying no mind to Joel trailing behind the two of you.

Giving your lessons on the flora that you know of in the gardens, Sarah listens to you as well. Stopping in front of the small waterfall, surrounded by tropical plants and flowers, the two of you go back and forth in fun facts about plants and butterflies, unaware as Joel saddles up behind you. Sarah glances back over her shoulder and grins, the expression reading as knowing and mischievous. Before turning around, you start to warn Joel behind you playfully, “J, if you’re even thinking about pushing me or splashing me, I will ki—”

Your breath catches when you finally face him, eyes dropping to meet his; the backpack he’d be adamant about carrying all day is at his feet, unzipped, and in his hands is a small, forest-green velvet box. Joel rests on one knee, a soft but bright, devoted smile on his face.

“Oh my god…” It comes from your lips as a whisper, your free hand reaching up to cover your mouth while the other continues to tether you to Sarah at your side, her small giggle hitting your ears as Joel glances at her, sending her a wink.

Eyes back on your face, Joel clears his throat, adjusting himself on his knee as he takes a deep breath, “I have been trying to figure out exactly what to say, and I can’t seem to find quite the right words that tell you exactly how I feel about you. I love you, so much, Mariposa. The second you entered my life, that time I saw you for only seconds in your backyard while I was touring the house, I knew I had to meet you. And then the first time I met you, well, I knew that you were who I needed.

“I’ve been walking around blind, trying to figure out life for years, and moving next door to you, that was the last piece falling into place. You have made my life, and Sarah’s life, a million times better. And while these past few years haven’t been picture-perfect for us, we made it through, and I know that we can take on anything that comes our way. Eres el alma más hermosa que he conocido, y soy muy afortunada de tenerte. (You are the most beautiful soul I have ever met, and I am so lucky to have you.) I’ve been waiting for years to do this, Mari baby, and I can’t have any more summers pass by without you being mine. Tú eres mi media naranja. (You’re my soulmate.) I love you. Te amo, Mari. You’re my soulmate, sweet girl, and I can’t take another day without the promise of forever. Will you marry me, Mariposa?”

Without hesitation, you nod your head frantically, your tears that started falling as soon as Joel started speaking continue to flow. You uncover your mouth, squeezing Sarah’s hand and sharing a smile with her before she takes her hand away.

“Yes, oh my gosh, Joel…of course, of course, I’ll marry you. I love you so much, J.” You squat down in front of him, left hand trembling as you hold it out for him. He carefully takes the ring from the box, and Sarah, ever the helper, takes it from the spot where it rests on his knee for safekeeping. The delicate gold band slips onto your finger, embellished with clusters of tiny gems and centered with an emerald cut diamond. It’s perfectly you, and you can’t wipe the smile off your face as you watch Joel settle the piece of jewelry on your finger. Both of you take a deep breath, admiring the sight before your eyes find each other’s again, matching expressions of complete admiration. Your hands find his cheeks, pulling him in for a tenderly passionate kiss, attempting to breathe all the love in your chest into the kiss and his heart. Joel pulls away first, resting his forehead against yours for a quiet moment.

“Thank you, J,” you whisper, and his head tilts with curiosity.

“For what, baby? I think I should be thankin’ you for sayin’ yes to me.” He chuckles and rubs his thumb at the back of your hand, skimming next to the band of the new addition.

“Everything. For not giving up. Your patience when I was still finding my way back to you. How effortlessly you’ve welcomed me into your life and your family…” Cheating your body away, one hand reaches out to pull Sarah into the small huddle, reuniting the moment within your unit of three, “I just—I can’t wait for all my summers to be spent with you both.”

“I can’t wait either. This is gonna be the first of many, Mari baby.”

And the two of you really couldn’t wait.

Only a week after Joel was down on one knee, your family was throwing you an engagement party. Tommy, a few of Joel’s close friends from his contracting company, your college friends, and neighbors were all in attendance to celebrate the two of you, and it was a big to-do. Drinks flowing, music playing, and food was being passed around. Everything under the warmth of a Texas night and the strung lights across the stretch of your parents’ backyard. Joel was glued to your side the entire night, hand on your back or clasped in yours, grabbing your refills and whispering in your ear to make you laugh.

“So…are all of these people coming to the wedding? ‘Cause I can count about half that I have no idea who they are.”

To that, you whispered back, “I don’t know them either, so definitely not. Unless they wanna buy us the most expensive thing on the registry.” Joel laughed, squeezing you closer — if it were even possible — and pressing a kiss to your temple.

Later, once you two were far past tipsy, Joel mumbled against your ear, barely able to get the words out without drunkenly giggling himself, “D’you think Mrs. Clarke is thinkin’ m’the one that got away?”

You couldn’t contain your laughter, bursting out in the middle of the conversation happening around you two, quickly covering your mouth as the lingering hiccups escape, “I think she’s singin’ the blues about you, Miller.”

The rest of the evening was filled with small moments between the two of you; never left alone long enough to have a full conversation on your own. Whispers of love and affection breathed out, fleeting kisses exchanged. It wasn’t until the party was over, everyone dwindled out the door and back to their homes, that you and Joel took a beat to speak to each other in more than one sentence. The early hours of the morning had crept in without anyone quite noticing, and Sarah was knocked out, brought inside to sleep in your old bedroom around 10pm when she couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore. Joel now held her in his arms, her head laying on his shoulder while the three of you walked the short distance home. After your quiet goodnight to Sarah that went unheard by her sleeping self, Joel put her down, taking off her shoes and leaving her undisturbed to sleep in her clothes.

Back in the ensuite of your, now, shared bedroom, you’re lazily getting ready for bed, movements slower and lagging from the alcohol you consumed. Joel stands behind you, facing your reflection in the mirror and giving you a smile as the exhaustion catches up to him.

“You have fun tonight, sweet girl?” His vocal cords rub together in a fry, hands finding their place on your waist and drawing you back into his chest. Littering kisses at the back of your neck, he hums contently before you affectionately shoo him off to brush his teeth while you apply your skincare.

“‘Course I did, J. Spent most of the night with you, how could I not have fun?” You grin at him from in front of your side of the double sinks, gently rubbing in your moisturizer. “Have you given any thought as to when you wanna set a date for?”

Whatever he responds is muffled by the foamy toothpaste, your face twisting in confusion before he leans over and spits out, rinsing his mouth and toothbrush. Standing back up, he rests his hip against the countertop while facing you, shrugging as he smirks slightly, “As soon as possible. Baby, I’d get married to ya in a garbage dump if it meant we could get married right this second. No puedo esperar para hacerte mi esposa. (Can’t wait to make you my wife.) And I know you don’t want that, and I want to make you happy, so whenever you want, Mari. Lo que sea que desees, lo haré realidad. (Whatever you wish for, I’ll make a reality.) But I will say, summer’s kind of our thing.”

A gentle smile stretches across your lips as you step closer, hands coming to rest on his chest and massaging your fingers gently into the muscles there, “Well, how about we do this summer? I mean, I don’t want anything fancy, just something special for us. Thought maybe we could do it here, in our backyard and my parents’. Where we met and fell in love and broke up and fell in love again and—”

“I love that idea, sweetheart. Think it’s perfect for us…” Joel punctuates his work by stealing a kiss, mint and strawberry lip balm melting on his tongue when he deepens it only for a few seconds, “Think we can manage for Labor Day weekend, mi amor?”

Nodding confidently, your hands skate up to his shoulders, pulling him down for another kiss, “I believe we just set our wedding date, Miller.”

“Damn right, we did, Miller.”

A whirlwind of planning and three months later, you now stand in your childhood bedroom on the second floor of your parent’s house, admiring yourself in the full-length mirror standing in the corner. Your mom had helped you with your hair, a small gold barette holding one side away from your face; your makeup was fairly minimal, fresh, and bright, but nothing too heavy that would melt in the heat that has graced Austin this weekend.

On your wrist is your charm bracelet from Joel, a simple gold locket to match that your father had gifted you the evening before at the rehearsal dinner — it has belonged to his grandmother, and now your grandma wanted you to have it since she couldn’t make the trip down due to her age. It was your ‘something old’ he said, playing into the old traditions that seemed to charm your entire family. 

Your ‘something borrowed’ was a pair of white strappy sandals from your mom, ones that she had worn to her rehearsal dinner when she married your dad. The title of ‘something new’ belonged to the charm hanging off of your wrist that was hand-delivered to you this morning from Tommy, per the request of Joel since you both were getting ready in opposite houses. The gift box unveiled a gold lotus flower, hand painted with deep magenta petals. Inside the lid of the box was a folded note, the words written by your soon-to-be husband in his usual scrawl.

Mi amor,

Got to reading one of your books you leave around about plants, and they were talking about the lotus flower. Made me think of you — since they go back to the murky water each evening and open their blooms at the break of day. You always start fresh, sweet girl, you’re so resilient and strong and pure of heart. No matter what happens, you get through it. And you won’t have to go at it alone, baby. I’m gonna be right there with you through anything.

You make me a better man.

Te amo, mi media naranja.

J

You had to touch up your makeup after having read the note over and over for minutes straight, now fresh faced and eager to get downstairs. One last time in the mirror, you give yourself the once over, smoothing the long, full skirt of your linen dress. The ruched empire bodice lays across your chest, framing your neck with a square shape along with the cap sleeves. Simple, but it feels perfectly you. And now, you were finally on your way to get your something blue: Joel in his navy suit, waiting at the end of the aisle for you.

Everyone’s gathered in their seats, only a crowd of around forty people from your lives occupying the rows, all carefully selected to make the cut. It was easy for Joel, he had three people he wanted there for sure, and well, his daughter didn’t have a choice living right next door, plus with her dad being the groom, and you being the bride. The only chance of a wild card he had was Tommy, but he was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning despite the many shots he had the night prior. At the rehearsal dinner of all places.

Dressed and gaffed, he stands at the end of the short aisle after having walked down it hand-in-hand with Sarah, who was donning a lilac dress she picked out with your help and her hair in her natural, bouncy curls. She now sits next to Tommy in the front row, whose new girlfriend Maria is sitting on the other side of him, stealing peeks over the back of the seat to try to catch a glimpse of you at the top of the deck stairs. Joel is doing the same, eyes flickering from scanning over the crowd to tunneling at the opening of the stairs. 

Music starts and it immediately tunes out of his ears, a tingle of excitement radiating from his chest throughout his body. A vision in white, you appear at the stairs with your arm linked to your dad, Mark; he isn’t paying attention to anything but you, captivated by your beauty. His heartbeat kicks up when you walk down, reaching the end of the grassy path between rows of chairs, and stopping for a moment. With the bouquet in one hand, you use the other that was resting on your dad’s arm to give him a short wave that he returns with a grin.

Each step you take brings up tears in his eyes, an overwhelming joy clenching around his heart. A few drop down his cheeks, using one of his thumbs to wipe away the streaks as you give him a gentle smile, speeding up your walk and dragging your dad along with you. The guests laugh at the eagerness, Joel rocking on the balls of his feet as he bites back his wild grin when you finally reach him. Exchanging hugs with your dad, Mark shakes Joel’s hand before clapping him on the back, a sure nod directed to him.

His hand slips into yours naturally, helping you with the last few steps to stand in front of him, exhaling a deep breath. A smile that he can’t wipe off stretches across his face, looking into your eyes as he lifts a hand to wipe his cheeks. You do the same, delicate touch against his skin while your gaze stays trained on his. Beating out of his chest, his heart thumps deeply, the wings of his butterfly fluttering madly in his gut in time with his heartbeat.

“Hey, Mari.”

“Hi, J.”

Everyone settles back in their seats, and your brother stands at the makeshift altar, a carved arbor handmade by Joel over the last few months frames the three of you in front of your guests. You turn to hand off the wildflower bouquet you put together to Sarah, eager to fulfill her responsibility of holding it during the ceremony. She grins, whispering to you loud enough for him to hear when she takes the arrangement.

“You look so pretty, Posey. I’m excited for you to marry Daddy.” Your hand reaches for her curls, squatting down in your dress to address her at eye level, unconditional love shining in your eyes as you look at his daughter.

“You look beautiful, Sare Bear. I’m so excited, too.” Other words are exchanged only between the two of you, a hug shared before Sarah retreats to her chair next to Tommy and you stand up and take Joel’s hands.

Chris ambles through an introduction, recollecting his version of events, as well as both of your sides, for how your relationship has progressed. Humor was laced throughout, laughter bubbling over throughout the crowd of guests, and especially between the two of you when you shared knowing expressions.

The ceremony moves quickly, with no religious elements to extend the length, simply secular. Before he knows it, Chris is reaching the vows, allowing a moment for Tommy to present the rings to each of you, clapping a hand on his brother’s back.

“Don’t fuck this one up, brother. Posey’s a good ‘un. Way too good for you—”

Joel cuts him off with a mumble and an eye roll, “I know all of this, Tommy, but thank you for the reminder.”

Chris directs Joel to go first, a deep inhale and extended exhale fills the air as you give his hands a reassuring squeeze. He flashes a smile at you before he drops one of your hands, finishing in his inside jacket pocket for the small slip of paper.

“I tried to memorize this, but we both know that wasn’t gonna happen…” he huffs out a nervous chuckle, reading over the page before his eyes come back to you, a patient and gentle grin on your face, “I genuinely hope you know how much I love you. I try to show you, to tell you, to make you feel it through osmosis every day, but I truly hope you can feel it. Through all that we have been through together and on our own, I have always had you in my mind. I thought about you every day you were away, and all I was hoping for was your happiness. I cannot tell you what it means that you have found your happiness with me, but I will be thanking whatever forces are out there for bringing us back together. Our roads may have been bumpy, and they may be in the future, but I’m so thankful to have you in my passenger seat. Cause we both know you don’t like to drive.” Joel winks and the crowd of guests laugh.

“I never want to let go. And I’m never going to let you go, Mariposa, I’m in it for the long run.  Eres todo para mí. (You are everything to me.) You are everything I have ever asked for, hoped for, didn't think I deserved. You are…un alma tan pura (such a pure soul) and I don't know how you ended up with me, but I'm countin’ my luck every second of every day. I love you through anything, mi Mariposa, and I cannot wait for our future together, as a family. I’m so happy that you have found a place you belong with Sarah and me, and I feel so lucky that you have chosen me. Te amo, mi Mariposa. Siempre.”

Recovering from your tears, you choke out a small sob that tugs on his heartstrings, tightening his grip on your hand while his brow furrows softly in concern.

“Happy tears, I promise, J. Very happy tears.” Another sob comes with a burst of laughter, a hand of yours fanning your face. Joel reaches up, wiping away the stragglers, careful to not smudge any of your mascara. With a deep breath, you focus back, centered, offering Joel your left hand. He repeats the phrase from Chris, who recites it from his printed-out online ordainment course before slipping the simple matching gold band onto your finger above your engagement ring, ears ringing when he sees the symbol of his love and commitment on your finger, where it will stay for the rest of his time on this Earth.

Next, it was your turn to recite your vows, Chris pulled a piece of paper from his jacket and handed it to you. A giggle slips from your lips, wavering the small folded sheet, “Couldn’t memorize it either. Got too much to say…”

Joel relaxes in his stance, thumb circling the back of your palm as he listens, the butterfly wings fluttering into his chest and up to his head, love overwhelming his nervous system across his body. You clear your throat, looking up from the wrinkled white sheet, “I didn’t know that one summer spent at home would completely send me on a whole new life path, but looking back, I am eternally grateful that I wanted to mooch off my parents for as long as possible. That first summer, I fell hard and fast, and despite the obstacles, my love continued to root deeper inside of me and grow out new branches with every memory we made together. I am so lucky to have been welcomed so easily into the Miller household, and I cannot imagine my life with you or Sarah there right next to me. You both have brought so much into my life and thanks to you, J, I feel like I have truly found myself. 

“I was always searching for what I was meant to do, who I was meant to be, and what I would leave behind in my life. And while I went out searching everywhere, the answer was my next-door neighbor. I am meant to be your person, I was meant to care and love and create a life with you, and your wonderful daughter, and I know I will leave behind all my love for you and our family behind. My success does not need to be measured by the reach of my impact, but by how deeply I love you. That is all that matters to me, to make you feel loved and supported and to know how incredible you are. You mean the world to me, and I love Sarah as if she were my own; both of you are my best friends and I could not do this life without you. I am so excited to spend the rest of my days, and the rest of my summers with you, J. I love you. Forever.”

The same routine goes for you, slipping a gold band around Joel’s left ring finger. He flexes with the new accessory on his hand, admiring it before he looks at you, a wide and wild grin crossing his face as he listens as Chris starts to ask him that very special question, “Joel, do you ta—”

“Absolutely I do. No question.”

Laughter rises from the attendees, and you, playfully roll your eyes. Chris nods shortly, chuckling as he turns to address you with the same question. He states your name, inquiring, “Do you ta—”

“Of course, I do. Only been waitin’ years for this to happen.” 

Joel laughs, shaking his head as he mumbles a sweet agreement, “You and me both, baby.”

Chris drops the papers he was reading from next to him on the grass, clasping his hands together, “Well, that made it damn easy for me. With the power vested in me by apparently the state of Texas, but who really knows, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Now y’all can kiss finally.”

A hand presses against the small of your back, pulling you into his chest as he folds down, latching your lips to his in a deep kiss, all of his love pouring into the moment. It takes restraint to not take it further in front of everyone, your intoxicating taste drawing him in and quenching a perpetual thirst he has. You lean back first, fingertips digging into his shoulders to hold him off as you whisper, “Gotta keep some decorum until tonight, Mr. Miller.”

“Hard to do that with you, Mrs. Miller,” he rasps back, matching blindingly bright grins across your faces as you right yourself, turning to face your guests as your brother loudly announces.

“For the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Miller!”

With the low-key, intimate wedding that you both had planned together, there was no real formal separation of the ceremony and reception. Instead, everyone wandered over to the backyard of Joel’s home, which was now yours, too. There were rented tables set up with chairs around, no seating chart, and a checkered dance floor set up in the middle of the lawn. Lights have been strung from his deck to the tree at the back of the property line that holds Sarah’s tire swing, some lanterns strewn about to add more light as the sun sets in the later evening. 

The family-favorite restaurant in the city that the three of you have frequented, even as friends, catered the meal, and your parents, ever so prepared, had stocked up all summer with booze. Your dad plays pretend bartender, getting your now-husband behind the tablecloth-covered folding table and pouring heavy drinks and somehow heavier shots. By sundown, everyone was liquored up enough to cheer for you both to have a first dance, chanting their request over and over.

Joel looks at you from his spot next to you, eyebrows raising in question. His hand at your back draws you closer, starting to sway to whatever song is playing as he grins with a looseness to him, relieved to have you as his for good and relaxed from the alcohol in his blood. “C’mon, Mari baby, I wanna dance with you. M’wife. I got the perfect song.”

“Okay, okay, you go tell Chris what song you want and see if he’s got it on his iPod.” 

You push Joel along, giggling to yourself as he shuffles over to Chris, the makeshift DJ for the evening. Joel leans in, talking in your brother’s ear over the music currently playing. They exchange a smile and nod, Joel laying a hand on his shoulder and shaking it affectionately. His beer gets abandoned on the nearest surface, giddily running over to you and taking your hand. Impatiently, he pulls you to the center of the dance floor, and Tommy intercepts your drink before it sloshes all over the front of you, huffing out a disbelieving breath as you continue to drag behind Joel.

Your husband turns you in his arms, one hand finding your back as the other lifts your joined ones toward his shoulder, elbows bent. Everyone else clears the dancefloor as an upbeat guitar riff sounds out of the speakers surrounding the dancefloor, the bright drums kicking in as Joel starts to shuffle the two of you around the dancefloor, a swing to your movements again.

The familiar lyrics of Orleans’ Still the One that Joel has sung to you many times over the last year are recited right back to you, making you reminisce about the time you were driving in the car to pick up Sarah from camp, a rare afternoon that both of you had off together. The song had come onto Joel’s favorite classic rock station, perking him up in his seat as he turned the volume dial up.

“Oh, Mari baby, this is such a great song.”

Not as familiar with it, you listen, giggling as he sings along with his words pointed at you, and you had to admit, they were pretty sickly sweet. Ever since then, Joel got into the habit of singing it to you, learning to play it after he received his new guitar from you at Christmas.

Dancing with him now, under the sticky heat of the tail end of Texan summer, surrounded by family and friends, he makes you feel as if it’s only the two of you again like it was for every other moment before with this same song.

In your ear, he sings along only for you, pulling away and twirling you as y’all take over the entire dancefloor with how free and loose you’re playing it. “You’re still the one that makes me laugh…still the one that’s my better half…we’re still havin’ fun and you’re still the one.”

At the next chorus, you join him in singing along, laughing at his excitement, both of you singing along louder. The song reaches the guitar solo, and Joel takes both of your hands, swinging you out from his chest before pulling you back in; he spins you to cross your arms in front of you, and your back to his chest before twirling you out. On the last line, when the final word is dragged out, he wraps his arms around you, spinning both of you around until the final chord strikes, setting you down and chests heaving to catch your breaths. Wide smiles still find your open mouths, cheers and whistles from the guests gathered around the dancefloor, now filling the checkered floor as the next song plays.

Breathless, Joel grins madly, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly before asking, “Think we did pretty damn good for unplanned, don’t you, Miller?”

“Damn right, we did, Miller.”

The rest of the evening was all the same, a night spent with your closest family and friends all celebrating the two of you and your love. Both you and Joel shared a dance with Sarah separately, relishing in her unbridled joy and Joel comforted his daughter when she shed a few tears about how happy she was. Your dad pulled you for a short jaunt around the dancefloor, and Joel asked your mom for a dance, which she accepted happily as a stand-in for his mom.

More drinks flowed into glasses and out of bottles, your shoes kicked off and Joel’s jacket and tie discarded onto the back of a chair somewhere. Your cheeks ached from how much you were smiling and laughing the whole time, a weight lifted, the promise of forever with your favorite person now on its way to being a reality.

You both ceremoniously cut the small single-tiered cake that your mom ordered, serving the slice on a plate. Grabbing a piece with your hands, you cheers it with Joel’s, watching as his went into his mouth and laughing as yours went across his cheek. He feigned shock, shaking his head as he looked at you with a glint of mischief in his eyes, taking a step closer. A turn on the ball of your foot directs you in an attempt to get away; failing miserably, misstepping from your level of drunkenness, Joel catches you in his arms. Turning you back around to face him, he steals a purposefully sloppy kiss, buttercream smearing against your lips and chin, the taste of vanilla coating your tongue as it melts into the taste of Joel, whiskey, beer, and sugary sweetness from the dessert.

At the very end of the night, most guests in cabs home or retreat to their homes down the street, it’s left to your closest people. The last song of the night is announced by Chris, the same song that has come up again and again for the two of you trilling over the speakers. Everyone dances and sings along to American Pie, the perfect cyclical moment for the two of you, and the closing moment of your summer. Sarah dances with the two of you, laughing as Joel twirls her around, infectious smiles on their faces. 

Your heart grows in your chest, nearly to the point of bursting as you take a step back in your mind, taking in all of the moment as it surrounds you. In the backyard of your new house, the next chapter of your life starts with Joel and Sarah; right next door is your childhood home, full of love and memories with your parents and brother. Even through the hardships, these places and people have never stopped feeling like home.

The song finishes with a flourish, Joel tucking you into his chest after he scoops Sarah into his arms with a soft groan. Sarah lays her head on her dad drowsily and he presses a kiss to her forehead, mirroring the same on yours; a mumble against your skin is barely heard by you, his drawl exaggerated by the liquor, “Mi Mariposa y mariposita. My lil’ Bug. Love my girls so much.”

Tommy slides sleepy Sarah into his arms from Joel after you two say goodnight to her, the younger Miller brother already prepared the arrangement for her to stay at his on the night of your wedding. You reassure her the promise to meet at Waffle House in the morning, which will likely be the afternoon with the state of the adults. Maria, the designated driver, and Tommy, much closer to sober than drunk than you were expecting, send another congratulations your way before they’re off to the car with Sarah.

After the necessary sweep of cleaning is done between you two and your immediate family, food, drink, and lanterns gathered, they part ways, taking everything back to theirs to deal with in the morning along with striking down the tables, chairs, and dancefloor. In the quiet of the early morning hours, you and Joel stand with your arms around each other, swaying gently. Cheek to chest, Joel’s voice rasps from overuse, vibrating your ear pressed against him, “Was it what you wanted, sweet girl?”

“Everything and more, J. I loved it,” you say as you pull your head away, tilting your chin to look into his eyes, “And I love you, m’husband.”

“I love you more, m’wife.” He shakes his head, biting a smile back, “Don’t think m’ever gonna get tired of callin’ you that, Mari.”

“Me neither. Gonna be callin’ you my husband instead of usin’ your name,” you flirt as your smirk grows and he wiggles his eyebrows, hand drifting down to the curve of your ass.

“Guess we better test that theory, baby.” He grins as he bends his knees, lifting you over his shoulder. His other hand rests on your ass to balance you, your hands pressing against his lower back as you shriek slightly from the initial shock. “Want the whole neighborhood to know m’your husband now. Even if they weren’t invited, so you better be loud, m’gorgeous wife.”

He walks you both up the stairs and through the backdoor, your snort echoing in the quiet of the night, pulling out the ol’ faithful from the early days with him, “Yes, sir.”

second nature

“What do you think about getting a dog?” you ask from your seat on the bed, propped up against the headboard with a book in your lap. Joel pops his head out from the en-suite, brow quirked as he continues to towel off his hair and laugh softly.

“Can’t say I’ve thought about it, darlin’.” He disappears again, hanging his towel on the back of the door before coming back out of the bathroom with a clean pair of boxers on, washed up from his long day on-site. “Have you been thinking about getting a dog?”

A sheepish grin stretches across your face, shrugging your shoulders as Joel gets into bed. He matches your position, leaning back against the headboard and turning his head toward you. He’s intrigued. If he wasn’t, he’d tell you that you could talk about it more in the morning, and then he would give you his honest opinion in the light of day. Never wanting to start a silly argument before bed, always attempting to keep the peace.

Which made him great at compromising. To what you wanted in the first place.

“I’ve been thinking it would be nice for Sarah. Like something to learn responsibility — teaching her to feed it on schedule and take it for walks and fill the water bowl.”

“Yeah, it’ll teach her that I’ll take on all those responsibilities when she gets bored of it,” your husband snorts at his own comment, making you roll your eyes playfully and scoot closer.

“Oh, c’mon, J. Don’t you think it would be fun to have a dog around? We wouldn’t even need to get a puppy if you think it’s too much. But I work at home nannying baby Amelia so I’d be around all day and then when Sarah gets home from school or camp, she can take him or her for a walk. And then feed it before you even get home. Oh! Or you could take the dog to work with you! How cute would that be, you could train him to grab your tools for you.” 

A contagious smile brightens your face in the low lamplight, one that Joel can’t help but mirror on his own face. The eagerness is evident in your expression and your voice, and the proposition doesn’t seem like it would be too difficult of an adjustment. Shaking his head at your suggestions, he laughs quietly while reaching a hair up to smooth your hair away from your face.

“Are you gonna be the one to teach it what all the different screwdrivers are?” 

An excited gasp exhales and you scramble to straddle Joel’s lap, “Wait, are you serious? You’re actually okay with getting a dog?”

Wrapping your arms around his shoulders, you lean back to look at his face. His hands find the curve where your thighs melt into your ass, squeezing gently. Always handsy.

“Yeah, baby, we can get a dog.” Joel groans dramatically when you pull yourself tight against him, hugging him while on hand rubs back and forth at the base of your spine. “I’ve got some conditions though.”

Unraveling from his neck, you stay perched in his lap, nodding fervently. “Anything. Whatever you want, if it means we get a dog.”

“Oh, anything?” he teases with another squeeze of your bum, laughing when you shoot him a look.

“Not what I meant, Miller. Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“Can’t help it with you, sweet girl. My mind’s always in the gutter around you.” The sentiment is punctuation with a tender kiss to your lips and one to your forehead. Calloused palms skate along your bare thighs, humming contently, “Conditions are: has to be a big dog. Don’t want one of those little white dogs or like something that’ll break if we have babies and they’re a little rough with it.”

The forethought he has for your future children warms your heart, and you agree immediately, “Deal. Didn’t want a little dog anyways. What else?”

“Gotta fence in the backyard. I don’t mind putting in a gate for us and your parents to easily go back and forth through, but I don’t want the chance of the dog gettin’ out when we’re all outside.”

“Totally understandable. I’ll even help you install the fence,” you offer proudly.

“That’s real sweet, Mari baby, thank you. You don’t gotta lift a finger though, I’ll bring some of the guys over and pay a little extra and we’ll get it done in a day, no problem.”

“Alright, so big dog, fence. Anything else you’d like to negotiate, Mr. Miller?” you mock a formal tone, turning your nose up. Joel laughs, tightening his arms around your waist and tugging you closer. Kisses press into your neck and along your jaw, pausing inches away from your lips as he makes his final request.

“Dog sleeps in Sarah’s room or downstairs. I like our privacy.” He smirks before kissing you deeply, easily flipping you onto your back and hovering above you. Your legs hook around his waist and he raises his eyebrows, “That all sound fair to you, Mariposa?”

“Absolutely it does. Guess we’re getting a dog, ri—” You’re cut off by his lips on yours again, pressing you further into the mattress with his body weight.

“Let’s save the rest of this for the morning,” Joel mumbles against your skin as he trails his mouth down your neck to your collarbone, “‘Cause right now, I think I’d rather get some pussy.”

He doubles over in laughter at his own joke, forehead pressing against your chest as his shoulders heave. Your fingers comb into his hair, unable to fight quiet chuckles of your own no matter how hard you try to not give him the satisfaction.

“God, you’re such a dork.”

The clock rolls to 3pm as you sit in your car, lined up along with parents of campers. Shrills of laughter and screams echo from the bright, primary-colored playground across the way, counselors attempting to corral the kids to lead them out for pick-up. Air conditioning blasts on you as you fan at the back of your neck, exhaling in the sweltering Texan heat. It’s only the beginning of summer, June barely having turned over, but the temperatures have reached record highs for the year already.

Your stepdaughter. The thought still makes you smile months on, the dynamic between the two of you falling naturally into a closer, more nurturing relationship. Little acknowledgments from Sarah have made your heart sing over the days; routinely saying goodnight to you along with Joel, asking you for permission to go play outside, seeking you out nearly as much as Joel when she has had a nightmare. The pair of you have built routines of your own before bed, you making a promise to Sarah to read with her and to show her your favorite books from when you were her age.

A few nights ago, Sarah had retreated with you to her room, at least thirty minutes before her bedtime to get in another chapter of Matilda by Roald Dahl. The main character reminded you of Sarah’s sweet and spunky personality, and you were so excited that she fell in love with the story and its characters as quickly as you did when you read it for the first time.

Sat up against her headboard, Sarah laid back in your arms and cracked open the novel where her bookmark stuck out, started to read aloud to you in the low lamplight. Mindlessly, you played with her hair as you listened to her confidently recite the words from the page. The day caught up to you, the peaceful moment pulled a yawn from your lungs. Sarah’s words slowed down, her eyes slowly blinking until they closed, which was your queue to slip the book from her hands and mark the spot, and laid it on her nightstand.

When you tried to slip out from behind her to leave her to sleep soundly, she stirred, mumbling the sweetest, “Will you stay for a little bit, Posey?”

And you had no choice but to oblige her request. After getting comfortable next to her, Sarah curled into your side and you pressed a kiss to her forehead, continued to play with her hair to soothe her back to sleep.

What you hadn’t realized was that you also drifted off in her twin bed with her, the lamp still on. Joel was watching TV downstairs, waiting for you to retreat down the steps as you do every night, but no sign of you after an hour had him standing up to go searching. It was quiet when he reached the top of the stairs, no telling giggles or loud whispers to give the two of you away. 

He pushed open the cracked door of Sarah’s bedroom, and was met with a sight that squeezed his heart tight, a sigh exhaled from his lungs. You tucked right next to his little one, and both slept deeply. Without disturbing your rest, he tiptoed over to the nightstand, tugged the blanket up over both of you before he hovered above the bed to press a gentle kiss to each of your foreheads. 

Lamp clicked off, he whispered to your unconscious ears, “G’night, girls. Love you two.”

It was a few hours before your usual alarm when you’d woken up, sore from the small space and glanced around the dark room to discover you had fallen asleep next to Sarah. Carefully slipped out from the covers, you tucked her back in and padded down the hall to your bedroom where Joel was sleeping, a soft snore came from him as he’d starfished out on the mattress. You gently shook him half awake to move him, and he groaned softly at the disruption before he tugged you into his chest and pressed a drowsy kiss to your shoulder.

“Was jus’ too cute to wake you up, Mari baby. My Mariposa and my lil’ Bug…” He hummed sleepily into your skin, hand gently rubbed circles in your lower belly while your eyes close, desperate for those last few hours of slumber. “Makes me so happy.”

“Me too, J. M’so, so happy she’s that comfortable with me. My baby best friend. And you’re my big baby best friend…” You breathed out an airy giggle and Joel protested weakly behind you, a gentle pinch to your side before you both exchanged a quick “love you” and drifted right back off.

The reminder of the sweet moment in the morning from Joel was the highlight of your week.

Climbing out of the car, the engine running and door open, you round the front bumper and stand on the curb to wait. You find her before she finds you, calling out to her to grab her attention, “Hey, sweet pea!”

Her familiar deep brown irises search for the source of your voice, landing on your face and waving excitedly. Sarah checks out with her counselor for the day, scurrying over to you with her backpack bouncing at her shoulders.

“Hi, Posey!”

She collides with your torso, her growth spurts finally starting over the last few months so the top of her head hits just at your chest, and nearly knocks the wind out of you. Patting her back, you laugh and pull her back to look her in the face, “Well, hello to you too, Sare Bear. How was camp today? You ready to go?”

After your greetings, she climbs into the backseat on the opposite side of Amelia’s car seat. You store her bag in the passenger seat with yours before retreating around to the driver’s side, heading off once both of you are secured in your seatbelts.

Flicking your eyes up in the rearview mirror, the two of you catch up, which mostly consists of her recapping the camp activities and excitedly talking about the pool day that’s planned for Friday. As you turn onto your street, Sarah’s brow furrows at the sight of Joel’s truck in the driveway.

“Dad’s home already? That’s weird.”

“Hm, I guess he is. Or maybe he’s just stopped by to grab something he forgot. You know how he is.”

Sarah laughs in agreement as you park your car next to his truck. Both of you get out and head in through the garage, straight into the kitchen where Joel’s standing at the counter eating a sandwich.

“Told you, Sare, stopped by ‘cause he forgot something. Lunch.” You send him a teasing grin as you deposit Sarah’s bag by the door and kick off your sandals. She does the same before wandering past her dad to the fridge in search of a snack. Apple doesn’t fall far.

“What? I can’t happen to drop in hoping to see my wife and my daughter in the middle of my work day? Do I have to have ulterior motives?” Joel speaks, words muffling around the bite in his mouth as you approach the island to stand opposite him.

“Dad, you literally always ask ‘What’s for dinner?’ or ‘What’s cookin’?’ after you say hi to us every day. Your motivation is always to get some food,” Sarah chimes in from in front of the fridge, laughing when Joel looks at her offended.

“See? Even a ten year old recognizes the pattern of behavior,” you confirm your findings, laughing as Joel grumbles to himself and pops the last bite of his sandwich in his mouth.

“Well, for your information, both of you, I am here for an entirely different reason than lunch and to see you two.” He crosses his arms in front of his chest, looking between the two of you with a mischievous smile on his face. “Why don’t y’all go look in the living room and then tell me if you wanna keep makin’ fun of Dad?”

Sarah excitedly starts off toward the living room, giddy about the surprise awaiting her. Your brow furrows and lips twist up in curiosity, eyes staying glued to Joel. He laughs and nods to the other room, a bright smile on his face.

“Better go see, mi amor. Think you’ll want to meet him.” Joel winks, your attention being pulled away when you both hear Sarah gasp from the living room.

“Oh my gosh! Posey, come here! Aw!”

That’s when it registers — the surprise, home in the middle of the day, the smirk, ‘you’ll want to meet him’.

“You didn’t,” you breathe out, head snapping back to Joel as he gives you a wide, genuine grin.

“Go! See for yourself.” He rounds the island and grabs your hips from behind, guiding your steps into the living room. Sarah’s giggles fill the room as the fluffy Bernese Mountain puppy stands in her lap and licks at her face. The small dog’s attention is pulled from her and over to you and Joel entering the room, a tiny bark sounding before he scampers over.

“Joel, oh my god, how did you—when—oh my god…” You kneel down to scoop up the little one into your arms and cuddle it gently, giving it pets before letting him run around again.

“Found someone who had a litter with their family dogs the day after we talked about it. And arranged to pick him up. They said he’s the energetic one, and that he’s gonna be a big boy. Like a hundred pounds.”

“Oh my god, he’s so sweet…thank you, J.” You beam up at him, waving him to bend down and steal a kiss, squeezing his shoulder.

Sarah’s playing with your new family dog, tugging with a rope toy as he fights back with his whole little body. “Thank you, Dad. He’s so cute!”

“What should we name him?” Joel asks as he lowers himself to the floor next to you, smiling as the puppy runs over. The two rough house, Joel easily flipping him over to scratch at his belly as the dog pants happily.

“Any ideas, Sare?” you ask, looking over at her.

She thinks for a moment before looking up between Joel and you, laughing at the tiny pup’s antics, “What about Goose? He just seems like one. Like a silly goose.”

“Goose? I like it, Bug,” Joel confirms, turning to you with a grin, “How about you, Mari?”

Nodding, you look at the new addition to the family, burning bright with happiness at your people’s excitement, “I think Goose is a perfect fit. And now you’re not outnumbered anymore, J. Two girls and two boys in the Miller household.”

Sarah laughs and lays down to cuddle with Goose while Joel moves closer to your side, wrapping an arm around you and kissing your head as he quietly whispers, “Hopefully won’t be too long before the boys are outnumbered again.”

“And what makes you say it won’t be us girls being outnumbered?”

“Call it father’s intuition. Wouldn’t know what to do with a little boy, bein’ a dad to another girl would just be second nature. Plus, I would want a mini Mari running around the world.” Joel presses a kiss to your temple before you turn your head, catching his pursed lips with yours sweetly.

“I’d take anything if it means havin’ a little piece of you forever, J.”

third time lucky

Negative.

A single line, bold and brash, stares back at you. Turning the plastic in your hands, you attempt to read it at different angles, the smallest bit of hope lingering for another line to appear — that it was a trick of the light that was causing your disappointment.

To no avail, the blue strip remains unaccompanied in the small window. A sinking feeling fills your body from your toes up. Everything feels heavier, except your lower stomach. That has never felt as empty as it is now.

Heavy footsteps thump a vibration in the floors, but your focus remains on a speck of dust floating in the light past your field of vision. His presence hangs in the bedroom, milling about, unknowing of what you were up to before he came in from mowing the lawn.

“Hey, baby, m’gonna take a shower and then we’ve got Sarah’s softball game at three. Probably half to leave here around two, her coach asked all the parents to be thirty minutes early for some reason…” Joel’s voice fades in your head as your thoughts start to yell, scream, fight, taunt inside of your mind.

A hard swallow pops your ears, the ringing in them growing louder as your mind begins to wander. The test is left discarded on the bathroom counter, with no heart yet to throw it in the garbage where the others have ended up. Your bare feet shuffle against the rug as you seek out solace under covers, even in the ninety-plus-degree heat. The springs of the mattress shift under your weight, lying on your side facing the opposite side of the bed that lays empty right now. The coverlet is pulled up over you, curling your fingers at the hem tightly, white knuckle grip to release some of the tension that has taken over your mind. You want to scream, cry, yell, question — but what you want most of all is to be able.

Why aren’t you able? Why can’t you do what your body is made to do, what it begs for, what it reminds you that you’ve failed at every month?

Joel stands in observation of you, careful distance, one hand lifting before he drops it. He can guess what this is about. What you’ve left behind in the en-suite. But to confirm his suspicions, he quietly walks into the tiled room, leaving his clean clothes on the counter while he picks up the test.

Negative.

His body sinks, toes up to his head, but with a gaping, empty feeling in his chest. There’s so much room left in his heart, room he is eager to fill with another part of you, another love, another soul to protect. Now, though, all of his emptiness is filled with an ache for you. You’ve been dreaming out loud for a year now, wonderings and visions shared with him late nights and early mornings — Will they have his eyes? You hope so, so that they look like their sister. Who’s ears would they have? What quirks will they pick up from both of you? Who will they grow up to be? How will we be able to contain our love for both of our kids?

Our kids. Joel remembers that night; after you said that, he couldn’t hold himself back, couldn’t contain his love for you. No hesitation that his own was yours now, too. All he wanted was to give you another, to see your belly grow and your smile brighten and your skin glow. He was begging for whatever power was in the universe for that time to take, for both of you to be gifted with what you wished for so often, so deeply.

Desperation. Wavering confidence. Sorrow, worry, dwindling hope. He saw it all over you, time after time when the single line appeared on the plastic sticks.

You and Joel had been trying for a year. A long year. Maybe your desire was too strong, too overpowering. But shouldn’t that be a sign of your love? For each other, for your family? All he wants to do is give you the life you’ve wished for. And yes, all you’ve said you want is a life with him, but anyone who meets you would be able to tell you are meant for a nurturing life. Meant for motherhood.

It was already natural for you, taking a ten-year-old in stride, making her into your best friend — making her a priority over Joel most of the time. He knew it didn’t matter to you that she wasn’t yours, biologically speaking, but he can’t help but want to give you a child that is part you. How badly he wants another piece of you in the world, all of your goodness packaged into the purest soul.

Resigning with a sigh, he sets the test down on the cool countertop and exits the bathroom, a slow stride over to your lying form. Crumpled under covers. With a soft groan, he lowers himself to his knees with cracks popping his joints. His age is starting to show the closer he gets to forty and the more hours he works in the summer weather, another looming factor for him — he’s only known being a young dad. If you two have to wait, what would it be like to be nearly sixty when your kid graduates high school?

Shaking the superficial concerns from his head, his wide palm glides along the quilted fabric draped over your side. He rests his chin on his opposite arm, laying against the mattress close to your pillow. At the coax of his touch, you turn over to face him. Lips pursed in a frown, dried watery streaks being washed anew with your fresh tears, fat and rolling down your cheeks and over the bridge of your nose. They drip off of your skin, dotting and darkening the fabric of the pillowcase underneath you.

Joel leans in, brushing your hair from your face and pressing his lips to your forehead for a lingering kiss. A deep breath draws the smell of your shampoo into his nose, down deep into his lungs where it soothes his aching chest.

“Mari, sweet girl, I know it’s hard. I know we want it so bad, but there’s always another option,” he speaks softly, kindly, delicately, “We can go to that fertility specialist your doctor recommended. I promise, mi amor, we’ll have a baby together.”

He means it, and you can tell he means it. Ever since you had been back together, ever since he confessed his feelings for you — years ago now — he hasn’t made an empty promise. From tiny little things like a pledge to stop on the way home for your favorite ice cream, going to three different stores and adding nearly an hour to his day simply to show up with it for you, to larger, grander oaths, his wedding vows, the promise of building a beautiful life with you.

Emotion is thick in your throat as you attempt to vocalize your concerns. They keep you up at night, with Joel’s warm and expansive hand resting on your stomach right above your womb as he sleeps soundly. He wants it clearly as much as you do; you can feel it each time you’ve tried. How badly he wants to provide this for you.

Is he having the same thoughts as you? Does he wonder if something’s ‘wrong’ with you?

“I wanna be able to do it. Why can’t I do it on my own?” The sound of your meek voice shatters his heart and he shakes his head back and forth, adamant in shutting down the thoughts.

Tugging the covers down, Joel’s hands find your exposed skin, sliding across with a clammy touch from his labor outside. And nerves, too, you’d guess. Moving from his knees on the floor next to the bed, he finds a spot sitting at your side and shifts you to lay on your back. Opening up to him. Warmth rests over your womb, blanket pulled down to the tops of your thighs while his thumb brushes at your stomach, catching on the fabric of your shirt.

“No—oh, mi Mariposa, you don’t even know if it would be you with an issue. Very well could be me. Maybe breathin’ all the paint fumes at work killed m’little swimmers.” He breathes a small laugh through his nose, attempting to lighten the mood.

Your hands fly up to your face, muffling your voice, “Oh, god, don’t say that. I wanna have your baby, not some sperm donors.”

His hand coasts up your torso, over to your side to wrap around your rib cage, feeling your breaths as his fingertips lightly tickle the spot, “That was supposed to make you laugh, sweet girl.” 

Hands falling away from your face, your brow pinches together and your frown deepens. About to make a retort, your mouth open, Joel skates the fingertips of both his hands up and down your sides, alternated on each side of you to make it harder to catch his wrists. Laughter bubbles up from your chest, your frown morphing into a flashing smile before you’re calling for a surrender in between gasping breaths.

Relenting, his hands stop, settling at the curve of your waist. He leans over you, nudging his nose against yours before pressing a ghosting kiss to your lips. A small grin, hopeful and reassuring, with a tinge of worry flickering in his irises, barely there before his smile reaches his eyes, “It’ll happen for us, Mari baby. Why don’t we say, one last go before lookin’ into the doctors? We’ll do all the things, track whatever we need to track. I’ll drop whatever I need to come home and put a baby in you.”

Joel wiggles his eyebrows, playful smirk crossing his expression. You roll your eyes under him, pushing an accusing finger into his chest, “Like you don’t already do that. I could call you in the middle of work and just go ‘Hey, J’ and you’re in the truck on your way home.”

“That’s right, Mari. As it should be. Y’know what they say — happy wife, happy life.” Another kiss to your lips, this one a bit more savoring. “What d’ya say, mi amor? One more go?”

“Okay, yeah. One more go.”

Butterflies kick up in your stomach when you hear the low rumble of Joel’s truck cut, heavy door swinging closed and quick strides following. The front door opens after a short jingle of keys, shutting behind him with the slide of the lock back into place. Distant grumbles of his make you laugh, his frustrations with his work boots floating upstairs to where you’re sitting on the edge of your bed, leaning back on your hands. Clad in only your bra and panties, you work your bottom lip between your teeth as anticipation builds with each of Joel’s footsteps up the carpeted stairs.

You both only have the afternoon — less than an hour of your afternoon, actually — to make your last attempt. Already having taken advantage of the window in your cycle twice, the peak day of your ovulation fell, of course, during the busiest time of year for Miller Construction. Summer has come to a close, and now people have picked up their home improvements to start nesting for the winter; a craving you’ve been having yourself, desperate to make your home larger and livelier by one more. Joel has snuck away for a moment that you two have alone, and you’ve told the couple you nanny for that you have an immovable appointment for today.

Pretty sure the only thing that will be immovable today will be you once Joel’s hour is up.

 “Mari? Mi amor?” he calls out and you chuckle softly at the boyish excitement in his voice.

“In the bedroom, J!”

Joel rounds the doorway into your shared room, stopping a handful of steps past the threshold when he registers the sight of you. He hums a low moan, licking his lips as his eyes devour your lacy undergarments, “Mierda, mi esposa, estás tratando de matarme? (Shit, my wife, are you trying to kill me?) You look so fucking beautiful, darlin’.”

A low whistle leaves his lips as he stalks closer, eyes rake over your form as you present your primped self for his taking.

“You get all pretty for me, sweet girl? I like this…” he rasps as he’s within arm’s reach now, stretching a hand out to toy with the strap of your bra and snapping it against your skin sharply.

“Wanted to look pretty when you fill me up, J.” One curl of his finger under your chin draws you to sit up straight, tilting your head back to look at Joel towering over you.

“Good girl,” he praises, a glint of excitement in his eyes, “You want me to fill up your sweet little cunt, Mariposa? Want me to give you a baby? Tell me.”

“Yes,” you breathe out shakily, eyelids fluttering closed as his hands trail lightly across your exposed skin, ghosting everywhere you need him most.

“More, sweetheart. Dime. Dime cuánto lo deseas. Suplicar por ello. (Tell me. Tell me how badly you want it. Beg for it.)” His instructions float through your head, only keywords translating in while Joel leaves over you, lips pressing feather-light kisses along your neck, across your chest.

“I need it, Joel. Need you so fucking bad, I wanna have your baby. Want you to make me a mom, fill me up as many times as it takes until we get our baby…please, J…” As if the taste of you wasn’t enough to do him in, the wild, fervent look in your eyes intrigues him beyond. Hearing the words from your lips, directed to him, he’s fucking aching. He was growing hard on his way over here, the thoughts swimming through his mind of you laid out and ready for him to take delegating his blood supply to rush down below his belt.

He needs you, but first, he needs to see you unraveling underneath him only from his fingers.

“Don’t worry your pretty little mind, Mari. M’gonna take care of you. I’ll make sure this one takes. Let’s call it third time lucky this summer.” 

He shoots you a wink, your mouth parting to respond. Before you can let any breath escape, his lips are crashing with yours. Heavy, heady, and so fucking hot it spirals your thoughts into nothing. His tongue melts with yours, the taste of his black coffee and the donut he must have eaten at work this morning tingling your taste buds. Sweat sticks to his skin when your hands rest at the sides of his neck, falling backwards as he climbs over you. He smells of wood shavings, freshly mowed grass, and hard work — calloused hands gliding along your body and feeling the softest of scratches of his blue collar hands.

“Joel, need you — please.” It’s more of a whine than a begging whimper, rising frustration levels from his lack of touch in the place you need and want him the most. 

Your cunt is desperate, dripping down your folds and surely soaking the sheets. A quick jerk of your hips attempts to brush against him, to catch any relief for the need building low in your stomach. A large palm presses your lower half back against the mattress, the other hand pushing your leg to the side to open you up further for him. A knuckle brushes your clit, grazing up and down your seam through your soaked panties. Your husband clicks his tongue as he shakes his head at you, patronizing tone slick in his voice.

“Darlin’, I wanna take every second of my time with you. Are you gonna let me? Gonna let me get your cunt squeezing my fingers? Gonna let me fill you up, mi amor?” he asks, as if you wouldn’t say yes to all of those requests and he knows it. Nodding, a desperate yes exhaled when he applies more pressure with his finger against your clit, rubbing slow circles. “Good girl. Siempre tan bueno para mí. (Always so good for me.)”

Joel folds over your, taking one of your perked nipples into his mouth through your bra and sucking. His tongue flattens against the cup before he’s pulling at the nub with his teeth. The material is darkened where his mouth was when he grows a bit more needy, grabbing at the straps and yanking the bra to rest at your midsection. You slip your arms out of the straps and he pushes you further onto the bed by the back of your thighs, stripping your panties off and settling on his knees.

Pressure forms against your clit from two of his fingers, slow circles dragging a moan from your throat. Joel smirks, satisfied with the way you squirm under him, trying and failing to get more from his hands. Before you can vocalize a whine, Joel is over you again, bringing his attention to your now bare breast while the circles continue. Hot, humid kisses are littered on the soft skin, happy hums rolling from Joel’s chest. He pulls his head up, looking down at your chest with a half grin and his dimple on display.

“You’re gonna get so soft and swollen everywhere, Mariposa. Round belly, huge tits—can’t wait to play with ‘em.” His grin widens, boyish and brazen with the glee that the fact fills him with. “You gonna let me, baby? Gonna let me make your sore tits feel better with my mouth?”

His question goes unanswered as his mouth attaches to one of your nipples, sucking and flattening his tongue as he nurses it. Pulling away with a pop, he mimics the same on the other side, the intensity of his suckling along with his fingers rubbing faster against your clit — even slipping down to tease at your entrance — has you wiggling under him, desperation notching up your spine.

“Joel, please,” you plead, choking on your breath when he pulls the bud of your breast between his teeth, a low growling sound rumbling from his throat. 

Two of his thick fingers push into your dripping cunt, a relieved moan echoing against the walls of the bedroom. Curling up into your spongy walls, they thrust quickly and pet at the certain spot inside of you. Joel’s mouth is still at your chest, his hunger feeding itself on the taste of your skin.

“Fuck, Mari, gonna break my fucking fingers off. So fucking tight.”

A distraught whimper crawls from your chest, breaths heaving as your walls clench around his quick-paced fingers. You gasp when he slips a third one in, hooking them up. Despite the stretch, you still feel an emptiness. All you want is his cock inside of you, spilling into you and leaving you to grow fuller with his baby. The thoughts of him above you, fucking it all deeper into you to reach your womb, drive you over the edge. The tips of his fingers press against that spot inside of you, his warm mouth hanging open at your tit while his eyes watch you come undone. Writhing and walls pulsing around his fingers, his name falls from your mouth as you choke out moans and your vision grows dark.

“That’s it, Mari baby, fuck,” Joel works you through the orgasm before his fingers leave you and he sits back on his haunches. Sucking his digits clean of your slick and come, the other hand rubs your thigh gently before he coos down at you, “That was a big one, wasn’t it? Feel good?”

Still coming down from it all, your body feels liquidity, taking whatever form Joel is molding you into right now after he’s stripped himself bare. One hand slips under you, unclasping your bra and tugging it away from your torso, leaving you as naked as him. His eyes drink in your body while his grip holds your calves, chuckling darkly when you finally breathe out a response, “I feel…like I need you to put a baby in me.”

“Cualquier cosa para usted, mi esposa. Vas a estar tan lleno de mí. Te encanta la sensación de mi mecos dentro de ti, ¿verdad? (Anything for you, my wife. You're going to be so full of me. You love the feeling of my cum inside of you, don't you?)” Your head rolls with a nod, agreeing to anything Joel says in the moment, still hazy from how hard he’d made you come moments ago. Half-lidded eyes watch as he licks his fingers, stroking his cock a few times with a quiet sigh. That’s something you could watch all day — Joel’s pleasure. And here underneath him, you have the perfect view, and the perfect position to be used for it.

Fully handing over control to him, his hands tug you up so your ass sits on his thighs while he’s on his knees. Fingertips skate along the distance of your legs, grabbing at your calves to rest them on his broad shoulders. Even the slightest shift forward from his hips stretches you wide, a delicious ache creating a craving for more.

“Tell me how bad you want it, Mari, tell me how much you wanna have my baby.”

Joel’s gripping his length, rubbing his tip through your wet folds. The notches against your clit quiver the already stretched muscles in your thighs, whines replacing words coming out of your mouth.

“Tell me, or I won’t give you what you want, mi amor.”

“I want it so bad, J. I wanna feel you fuck me so full of you, and I don’t want that feeling to leave. I feel like there’s an emptiness and only you can fill it, I want your baby. Wanna have everyone know how good I am for you, carrying your baby like you want me to. I wanna have a part of you forever,” you gasp out the last word, Joel’s cock inching into you. Muscle memory takes over, your whole body relaxing with the knowledge that he’ll take care of you — he’ll always take care of you.

Joel bottoms out easily, filling you to the hilt before he pauses to take a breath. His eyes meet yours and he smiles, sweet and sincere, while holding your shins, “I fucking love you, mi Mariposa. Wanna give you a baby…”

“Pleasepleaseplease—” You don’t know if you’re begging more for him to give you what you want or to move his hips, but in the end, you get both. 

Joel starts out slow, shallow thrusts keeping him inside of you. Grunts from the controlled movements fill the room, your small whimpers following each noise he makes. The sound of him fucking into your cunt captures his attention, gaze zeroed in on where you two meet. Watching the stretch of your tight pussy around his cock, he feels the burning desire for more. To watch you take it deeper, harder.

The next snap of his hips is just that - smacking his skin against your ass before he adjusts, laying you back completely on the mattress and leaning over you. Your legs are still hooked over his shoulders, the burning of your muscles now straining your hamstrings and glutes. His entire body folds you, his head hovering over yours as he fucks into you further. The tip of his cock kisses your womb, the force of his thrusts driving your hips open more for him.

“Gonna — fuck — gonna make you a momma, Mariposa. That what you want? Get fucked so well, be so full of me that we make a baby? Everybody’s gonna know I treat my wife right. With your round belly…swollen—ah—swollen tits. Gonna be so beautiful, and so fucking sensitive everywhere.”

His words only add onto the feeling of his thick cock filling you up, nearly verging on too far and too much. Moans exhale on your lips, his name repeated like a chant with each harsh snap of him into you. Your hands scramble for purchase as his sheer power drives you up the mattress, sheets scratching against your bare back. One set of fingers dig into the meaty flesh of his shoulder, nails pressing crescent shapes like an iron-hot branding.

Above you, Joel studies how your mouth has fallen open, thoughts completely left your mind with how cockdrunk you are. He gingerly grips your chin, holding it to face him and commanding your eyes to his as he pants heavily.

“What d’you wanna make me, baby?” It’s only met with the sounds of his cock dragging in and out of you, the slap of skin as you gasp under him. “C’mon, Mari baby, use your words.”

“A daddy,” you breathe out, your opposite hand combing into his messy curls and gripping tight.

“Say it again. Dime.” Not thinking it was possible, Joel pushes you further, hitting into you harder with each thrust nudging his tip toward your cervix. You might only leave this afternoon with soreness, but you continued to hold out hope for a baby to be the well-worth prize for how you’re going to feel tomorrow.

“A daddy!”

“Dime. Dime. Dime,” he commands and you listen, writhing under him as he hacks away at your shared resolve, throwing you closer and closer to the edge.

“Daddy — oh, fuck, a daddy. Wanna make you a daddy!” You’re yelling at this point, sobs of pleasure wracking your body and you thank god for a split second that the two of you are home alone in the middle of the work day. Surely the whole block might be hearing all of your wanton sounds.

“God, I could get used to you calling me that, Mari baby,” Joel groans and throws his head back, bearing his teeth as he punches his hips into your clenching pussy, the telltale sign that you’re close.

“C’mon, mi amor, give it to me. Come for me and I’ll let your fucking pussy milk me for every last drop. That’s what you want, right? Gotta fill you up and make a baby for my Mari baby.” He’s rambling as you reach your peak, toes curling and coming even harder than your first one this afternoon. 

A near scream pulls itself from as deep as your gut, the sound as if you were in more pain than the absolute pleasure you feel. Your grip on his hair tightens, drawing him down for a messy kiss as you mumble against his lips.

“Please gimme a baby, J. Need it all inside of me, please. Come for me, mi esposo.” 

The name sends goosebumps across his shoulders and trickles down his spine before he’s barking your name once and spilling into you, painting your walls with each rope. He takes a moment to breathe before he gently presses his hips in a few short thrusts, fucking his spend as far into you as possible.

Joel collapses against your torso, no other efforts exerted to move away. Delicate, nimble touches brush the hair from his sweaty forehead, rubbing his shoulders as he hums contently.

“Fuck, baby, might just have to stay inside. Keep you plugged up so I can stay here all day with you.” Quiet, breathless laughter leaves your lips as you shake your head, tracing along his jaw before he turns his head to press his lips into your tummy.

“Can’t wait for you to be a momma. Gonna be the best one ever, y’already are. Love you so much.”

The two of you lay like that for what feels like hours, only to be reminded of Joel’s limited schedule when his cell starts ringing from downstairs. Getting up with a groan, he slips out of you and lifts your hips, stuffing a pillow or two underneath them to keep your lower half elevated. You roll your eyes at the superstitious gesture, gasping when his fingers push into you once more to put his leaking come back into where it belongs.

“Gotta make sure it takes, pretty girl. Wanna see you get all round with my baby in you. Everybody’ll know how good I am to you, huh? Pumping you full of me so much we made a new fucking life…better stay like this until I get home again, Mari baby. Wanna make sure those lil swimmers get all the help they can get.”

“Mm…” you hum, hands grabbing for him to lean over you again. Sneaking a kiss, you pull away to whisper to him with a grin on your lips, “Better get back to work…daddy.”

He snorts out a laugh, beaming a bright smile as mischief glimmers in his eyes, “Mal. Mala chica. (Bad. Bad girl.)”

Three days late. You’ve been tracking your cycle like a mad woman, ticking off days in the notebook next to your bed, and now you’re officially three days late. Joel and you had agreed to wait a few days after you expected your period, hopeful that the extra time meant a more accurate, and desired, result.

The kitchen timer sitting on Joel’s side of the bed ticks away while you side on the edge of the bed. Tapping your fingers against your thighs, bare skin against your fingertips from the high hem of your denim shorts. Joel paces the room, eyes focused a thousand yards ahead. Anxiety and anticipation had been plaguing both of you all day, work slugging by minute by minute, second by second. Joel had left the jobsite as soon as was acceptable, leaving Tommy to wrap up, and swung by the pharmacy to pick up a new box of tests. Your task for the day was to chug water, or any liquid, all afternoon — by the time Joel was one foot through the door, you were ready to burst. Snatching the bag of tests out of his hand, you ran to the bathroom to pee in a plastic disposable cup and stick at least three tests in.

Now, you two are waiting for more seconds and minutes to tick by, added to the tally of the entire day. As you’re about to stand and stop Joel from burning treads in the area rug from walking his tight circles, a trill of a bell vibrating demands your attention. Turning off the noise in a flash, you stand and cross the room to where your husband is now frozen in place. A gentle touch to his cheek, his eyelids flutter close and he takes a long exhale before opening them again.

“Ready?” you ask, uncertainty pitching your voice up.

A minute nod, one shake of his chin, Joel’s hand finds the small of your back as he responds, “Ready, mi amor.”

His hand guides you into the bathroom, and a handful of steps from the three tests laid out on the counter, you turn around, panic twisting your expression. Joel stumbles to stop his collision with you, large palms grabbing onto your biceps to catch himself.

“M’scared, J…” Your voice is meek, cracking with emotion. This is the last shot you gave yourselves, whatever is laid on the counter either means unbridled joy or a long road of poking and prodding in countless doctors’ offices.

The warmth of his hands rubbing your arms and the press of his lips to your forehead coax you to relax, to take deep breaths, “I know, Mari baby, I would be lyin’ if I said I wasn’t scared too. But no matter what is on those tests, we’re in it together, right sweet girl?”

His index finger hooks under your chin to draw your attention up to his face, a small smile filled with love and reassurance stretching his lips.

“Always in it together, J.” You take another deep breath, turning around and nodding shortly, “Okay, now m’ready.”

“That’s my girl,” he mumbles before he’s following right behind you again, the two of you pressing yourselves to each other against the counter. Joel has an iron grip on your hips, nerves manifesting in the squeezes of his hands. Shaking fingers turn over each test before picking them all up to your lines of vision.

Two lines. Two bold lines screaming at both of you, across all three tests.

Positive.

Positive. You’re pregnant. You and Joel are having a baby.

“Holy shit…” Joel exhales behind you, smile creeping into his voice. Somehow, his grip gets even tighter as he turns you around, “Holy shit! You’re pregnant, Mari. We’re havin’ a baby! You’re gonna be a momma!”

Giddiness overcomes both of you, happy and disbelieving laughter while you hold each other in a tight embrace. Joel litters kisses around your face, catching your lips last — all teeth and tight lipped from your matching grins.

“You’re gonna be a dad again, how’s that feel?”

“Like I won the damn lottery, mi amor.”

Another kiss, supple and heavy. Joel pulls away first and shakes his head, pressing his forehead to yours, “I love you so fucking much, Mari.”

“I love you too, J.”

“You ready to go, Sare?” you ask, standing next to her seat at the kitchen table where she’s working away at her homework, reaching a hand out to play with her curls. She smiles and nods, writing down one last answer to a question on her worksheet before she lays her pencil down and stands up, rushing over toward the door.

“Just gotta get my shoes on!” she calls out, and you smile, shaking your head.

“Take your time, sweet pea! God knows it’s gonna take me longer to walk over to the door.” Your joke falls on deaf ears of your husband, who stands at the kitchen island and rolls his eyes before he’s crossing the room over to you. Within arm’s length, his hands cup the bottom of your large belly, leaning in for a sweet peck.

“Nobody cares if you move slow. Better to be careful than—”

“Careless, yes, I know. I think those might be our baby’s first words since they hear them so much from their dad,” you tease and he shrugs, kissing you again while his touch wanders across the flannel of his that you’re sporting, too tired to buy more maternity clothes that you’ll grow out of and opting for his closet every morning.

“Jus’ looking out for my girls. All three of ‘em.” He beams proudly, brown eyes shining brightly before he turns you in his arms, accompanying you to the front door where your near-teenager is waiting. Ever the sweetheart she is, she’s got your purse slung on her shoulder, car keys in hand to pass off to you. You thank her quietly, turning back to Joel as he looks between the two of you.

“Alright, have fun with your girls’ day. And call if you need anything — either of you. I’ll be waitin’ here for ya.” Joel smooths down Sarah’s hair before kissing the crown of her head; she squirms away, the teenage attitude rearing its head in some early moments, especially with her dad. There’s less patience for him, which you completely understand as a teenage girl once yourself. He huffs out a sigh as she slips out the door, heading down the front path toward your car.

“Hey, s’nothing. Teenage girl things. She loves you, and you’re the best dad.” A hand on his cheek coaxes him down to your lips, a supple kiss exchanged before he pulls away and bends to kiss the top of your belly.

“Bye, my little June Bug.” He stands upright again and steals another kiss, mumbling, “And bye, mi Mariposa. Drive safe, let me know if you need anything while you’re out. I love you.”

“We love you too. And m’speaking for the moody one, too.” Joel chuckles and rubs your bump once more before sending you on your way, watching and waving from the door as y’all drive away.

The plan for today had come about when you started to notice Sarah growing quieter, retreating to her room more often after family dinners and denying the chance at movie night some days. Joel had noticed too, but was a bit nervous to broach it with her, not wanting to make her feel bad about being more independent.

Your relationship with her though was much different to Joel’s. There was the foundation of your caretaking role with her, much more of a friend with authority when it was only you two before you were anything close to a parental figure. More open and, well, you could relate more to what she was going through. She confided in you first about girls at school being catty, about her growing crushes on boys in her grade. And this year, only a month after your due date, she will officially become a teenager. It was a strange time in any girl’s life, full of growing pains.

And on top of all of that, add on a new baby arriving. Attentions drawn elsewhere, priorities shifted to preparing for the baby. Sarah never fell to the backburner in your minds, but you didn’t know how she was feeling. Guessing by her quiet actions, you could tell she was feeling left out but didn’t want to stir up trouble.

Always the sweet girl. And you knew how that was.

So, you’d asked her for a girls’ day, excluding her dad from the fun and giving both of you some time with each other to feel like it was years before. It was all about Sarah today, no mentions of baby — no buying diapers or supplies or clothes. A promise made to yourself to make Sarah feel special, because that is exactly what she was. The baby on the way may be your first biological child, but nothing can compare to the unique bond that you have with your Sare Bear.

The day was spent waddling throughout the mall, helping her pick out new outfits and shoes for the end of the school year. Collecting a haul, you two stopped off for lunch and a trip to the nail salon before you finally made your way back home in the evening. Sarah was smiling brightly in the passenger seat, joking around with you and eagerly telling you all about the latest school drama. Your heart was about to burst with how much she’d come out of her shell again all day, even wanting to show off her new things to her dad when you both got back.

In the living room, Joel greets you two from the couch, eyes widening and a low whistle leaving his lips when he sees the damage done, “Quite some shoppin’ there, Bug. Y’all buy out the whole store?”

You wave him off and encourage Sarah to show off her haul, walking over to settle onto the sofa next to Joel. The younger Miller excitedly starts pulling out pieces and showcasing them, excitedly telling her dad exactly where she plans to wear them. His hand rests on your leg, attention completely focused on his daughter in front of him, squeezing you gently when she gets particularly worked up over something. You can tell he feels what you were in the car, heart bursting that she seems like herself again after a day spent with you.

“That’s nice, Sare Bear. I like the color,” Joel comments on the last shirt Sarah holds up, her smile still beaming as she tosses it back into the bag.

“Thanks, Mom actually picked it out! I thought it would be fun to have for camp this year, since I’m gonna start the counselor training program…” Her voice trails off as Joel listens intently. You, on the other hand, take deep breaths to hold it together, the simple moniker rolling off of Sarah’s tongue so naturally. Your heartbeat thumps in your chest, and baby Miller kicks her feet against your tummy — equally as excited.

You manage to keep it calm while Sarah recaps the rest of the day before she gathers up her shopping bags to take to her room. As she’s leaving the room, she’s quick to run over and give you a hug, leaning down to meet you where you sit on the couch. Your belly sticks out between the two of you, but regardless you pull her into a tight squeeze as she says thank you. Her curls bounce as she scampers off upstairs, the quiet sounds of her feet in the hallway queuing your watery eyes to overflow and for your nose to sniffle. Joel is grinning brightly next to you, pulling you into his lap and holding you against him as he wipes the few happy tears away.

“She called me Mom…” you whisper to your husband, afraid to admit it any louder as if it would disappear.

Joel presses his forehead against yours, a sweet kiss against your lips before he whispers back, “You have no idea how happy it makes me to know she feels that way about you.”

“I just…I feel so lucky. And maybe it’s hormones, but oh my god, I can’t stop blubbering. I’m a mom.”

“You’re the best mom. Have been to Sarah since she met you, and you’re going to be the best mom to our little one on the way.”

June 21st, 2009.

The first day of summer.

It’s the first day of summer and you’re stuck inside. Not at home, no, you’re currently propped up in a hospital bed with your legs in stir-ups, breathing in between contractions. Exhaustion weighs on your body, a full hour passing of you pushing in time with the pain in your abdomen that radiates all over. Sweat sticks your hair to your forehead and Joel sitting next to you brushes it out of the way. His other hand is limp in yours, ready to be squeezed with a vice grip whenever you need to push. Joel leans over you in level with your head, lathering on encouragements.

“You got this, Mari.”

“So strong, baby. You can do it.”

“Thank you, mi amor, thank you thank you thank you.”

The last one comes after a string of complaints against him doing this to you — despite you both knowing you begged for it nine months prior — and for having such a big head in his own baby photos that he had to have passed down to the baby.

Another wave kicks in, your doctor and nurses coaching you to give another final push. Putting every last bit of your energy behind the flex of your muscles, groaning out with pain and frustration before a piercing cry fills the room. Heavy, tiny sobs ring in your ears.

“You did it, baby, m’so proud of you. Our little girl,” Joel says in awe, glancing between you and where the doctor holds your little baby girl, summoning Dad over to cut the cord. 

She’s taken away to be cleaned up and Joel returns to your side, ready to help you attentively through the afterbirth. You wave him off, begging him to go keep an eye on your little girl. Once she’s clean enough, the nurses lay her on your bare chest, the sight of her tiny fingers and toes bringing about your own cries. Your hands hold her there, delicate touches brushing against her soft skin and her damp but full head of dark brown hair.

The rest of the process is painful but smoother, shorter. Before you know it, all tests are done and Joel is next to the bed again, wiping a damp cloth across your forehead.

A rush of adrenaline, pure unfiltered need and excitement to meet your daughter keeps you awake, sitting up carefully as you accept her into your arms from your husband who’s wearing the biggest smile. He sits on the edge of the bed, hand on your leg as you study the features on her small face.

“She’s perfect, isn’t she, Mari? Looks like her momma.”

You beam, shaking your head as you place a fingertip against her nose, “See, I think she looks like her daddy. Already got the grumpy brow.”

Both of you laugh, your unbridled attention on the tiny bundle in your arms as you gush over her for minutes longer. Joel rubs your leg, drawing your eyes up to him as he asks, “So you think we picked a good name?”

“I think we picked a perfect name. Our ‘S’ girls,” you grin at him before looking down at your little girl, “Skye Isla Miller. I think it suits her perfectly.”

A bit more time is spent between only the two of you and Skye before you’re itching to see your eldest, and for her to meet her little sister. Joel retreats to where Sarah’s in the waiting area with Tommy and Maria, who’s now three months pregnant herself, waving her to come back with him. She nervously enters the room, quiet as a mouse until you reassure her with a smile and welcome her to sit in the bed next to you.

Joel makes the introductions, voice thick with emotion as he stands over his three girls, watching as his first little one meets his second, “Sarah Elena, this is your baby sister, Skye Isla.”

Sarah quietly asks permission to hold her; you lay Skye in her arms carefully, teaching her how to support her head and where to avoid her soft spot. Sarah picks up on it like a natural, adjusting her little sister when she fusses a bit, finally settling into a new set of familiar hands.

“Dad said you did a really good job, Mom. With everything today. S’pretty cool that you brought a whole person into the world…” Sarah glances over at you with a shy smile before addressing both you and Joel, “M’really happy she’s here.”

“You’re gonna be a great big sister, Bug,” Joel beams with pride as he squeezes her shoulder, leaning over to press a kiss to the crown of your head. He hums as he looks over you three, “Got my Mariposa, my Bug, and my little June Bug. Mi maripositas. Don’t think anything could beat seeing my three girls altogether finally.”

You find yourself observing your family from afar, listening with muffled ears as Joel and Sarah chat about who Skye got what features from. Cheeks aching from smiling, you can’t help but think that this summer was off to the most wonderful start, and that every summer after was only going to get better. 

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[madam-monarch]

[ alright I talked a bit about an AU I worked on, and now I got most of the basic stuff done, so I feel ready to show it to people! ]

Here we go!…

[ yea I made a Sea Creature/Mermaid AU, has been done 100 times before, and I don’t care, had the idea after waking up one morning and I had the massive urge to do it! ]

[ in this post I’ll go over the basic story n stuff, I’ll make a second one going over Kinito and His Crew in a bit more detail! ]

LINK TO THE CREW INFO POST

[ I’ll from is on use #kinitoPetDeepSeaAU for any type of post related to this AU, just to make it easier to find! ]

[ now to the Main info about this AU! Under the cut! ]

Now before we get started, I wanna say this will have some broken englisch and bad grammar, not just because I’m Dyslexic, but englisch ain’t my native language, so please be nice to me! :(

Okay but now fr let’s go! [ also slight warning for mentions of Manipulation and Violence, nothing super graphic, but just to be sure! :) ]

In this AU, Kinito and His crew are no virtual creatures, but Siren/Mermaid like sea Creatures!

The story of this AU is that the player has been accepted to a job to work at a company [still tho looking of a name for the company, open for suggestions tbh] close to the Sea, which doesn’t just work taking care and studying sea life, but also capturing mythical sea life, to study them [including doing tests on them], and keeping them behind wall‘s, to secure humans to be safe from them! [yes, they are in fact very dangerous in this AU]

In the AU, Sonny Chamberlain is still alive, but very physically injured, he was the one who captured the three, and survived an attack from kinito [u can tell these two got mad beff here], and Sonny being the main guy who has to teach „player“ their new job, on how to take care of these three, Sonny obviously is VERY worried for „Player“, knowing how dangerous it can be to be around them!

Kinito, after meeting „player“ the first time, tries a plan he has tried whit many other workers of the company before, trying to befriend them, so he and his friends can go out into the sea again and do Havoc, which hasn’t obvious worked till now… but who know‘s, maybe it will work out this time!

/// now just a little add on, based on the canon game, I don’t think Kinito is rlly evil, his actions are, which he doesn’t rlly know any better, he‘s just following what he was made for, a bit aggressive, but pretty unaware, in this AU, Kinito fully knows what he’s doing, he‘s not an AI, he‘s a living being, so yea, he is quite evil and WILL manipulate and out others in danger to get the thing he wants, which is to do what he wants!

This is the basic rundown of the AU, I will now go a bit more in detail of the crew!

I’ll work on a ref for Sonny and Player for this AU soonish!

#my art #art #artist #drawing #digital art #kinitopet fanart #Kinitopet au #Kinitopet #Au #KinitoPetDeepSeaAU #sam the sea anemone #jade the jellyfish

[cuephrase]

how i think the boy robins view each other in order of which brother relationship they care the most about, based off my overall comic readings:

dick: tim, damian, jason

jason: dick, tim, damian

tim: dick, *massive gap*, damian, jason

damian: dick, *massive gap* tim. honestlyyyyyyyy, don’t think dami cares about jason that much. he’s usually more dismissive of him than he is with tim

how it appears the robins view each other in order of which brother relationship they care the most about, based off my modern comics readings, (i.e, New 52 onwards):

dick: damian, *massive gap*, tim, jason. tim + jay feel lowkey interchangeable here ngl

jason: tim, *gap*, dick, damian

tim: jason, dick, damian

damian: dick, *massive gap*, tim, jason.

how i might think the robins view each other in order of which brother relationship they care the most about, based off my non-curated fanon encounters:

dick: he is the Older Brother ™️. he has no favorites. (damian)

jason: tim, dick is a close second, damian. unless it’s jason + dami loa brothers au, in which case i assume dami comes first, but idk how dick and tim would fall there since i haven’t engaged with that au a whole lot.

tim: jason (that’s his robin!!), dick, damian

damian: dick. *massive gap*. toss-up.

the overlap and differences are very interesting to me. there’s definitely a shift once you hit New 52, (and i wholeheartedly blame dick and tim’s relationship falling off to the wayside in canon on grant morrison.) as someone who honestly really enjoys all the robins, the discourse over jason & tim relationship entertains me the most because both sides can technically point to comics to defend their stance. it’s like a platonic ship war. the relationship discourse i have the least patience for is tim & damian “they’re abusive and awful to each other” hot takes from one robin’s stan about the other. headache inducing fr

#would enjoy a main continuity batfam comic immensely #could get character more interactions with less dull at best events #wfa does not satisfy this craving #by its very nature it could never for me #dick grayson #nightwing #robin #tim drake #jason todd #damian wayne #cue speculations

[just1gnome]

shout out to the person who ate my last rock au post like a snake i made four more

aheemheem lore under the cut

ranboo as a snowflake obsidian is obvious, we never had a choice fr. i like to imagine that snowflake obsidians are very rare(having incredible terrakinesis abilities in a society of rock people is not something that should come in large numbers) so when he just randomly appeared on the rebel planet it was quite a shock. he literally came out of nowhere and doesnt even remember his own origins and not even the most historically inclined of them can figure out what those red and green insignias are.

for some reason i was REARING to add sam as SOON as possible so hes a mossy agate. he was assigned to a newer colony close to the lmanburg planet(name still pending) and was in charge of overseeing the construction of important structures; he grew very fond of the building and aided his workers a little more than he was probably allowed but nobody really stopped him. he worked alongside bad(black opal), antfrost(tigers eye), and ponk(clinohumite) and we will get to them. eventually. because of his proximity to the rebels, he'd grown pretty attached to that silly little rutile and offered him protection if ever he needed it. he never fully removes himself from homeworld, he doesnt really have a reason to, but he does offer help from behind the scenes on occasion. he still builds for them, particularly the prison which is sort of like the human zoo in canon in that it is a station floating around up there as opposed to being on a planet. also sam nook is his pearl that he asks to go check on tommy and hang out with him when he cant be there in person

i am going to be so incredibly honest i dont think ive written down any quackity lore i just really wanted to draw him. i think he was just pretty chill doing stuff for homeworld but then he heard about these rebels and was like. uhm bye i wanna know whats going on over there. i feel like his lore is so well understood and hes an established canon gem type so i dont have to do a lot of work for him hes already the perfect boy

as stated before, tubbo is a nephrite who had a lot of time to hang out with tommy before they all ran off to lmanplanet. he worked one station above tommy, but he wasnt a captain. i dont have much written for tubbo either, but it is safe to say that snowchester is on the moon and the fur is completely cosmetic.

These little character bits are mostly backstory unfortunately Tubbo and Quackity's lore happens on screen so I don't have much for them

I would love to explore their arcs in this au tho but y'all gotta wait

#dsmp #dsmp fanart #dsmp au #dream smp #dream smp fanart #mcyt #mcyt fanart #ranboo #ranboolive #ranboo fanart #awesamedude fanart #awesamdude #quackity fanart #quackity #tubbo #tubbo fanart #steven universe #steven universe au #my art #gnome's rock au

[sukunasweetheart]

NO BECAUSE SUKU IS GENUINELY A VERY INTERESTING CHARACTER

A lot of people say that he's evil for the sake of being evil but I don't necessarily agree. I think that description fits Mahito so much more, considering the fact that he went out of his way to be a menace and curse to others. He actively chose to do evil deeds to cause pain. Evil for the sake of being evil.

Sukuna doesn't care enough about others to actively cause them pain. He, quite literally, does whatever he pleases because he sees himself as the most important. And a lot of his actions just happen to be evil. But it's much different than in Mahito's case. If he wants to traumatise Yuji, he will. If he wants to praise someone for being strong, he will. If he wants to be a goofy silly kitty, he will. Just cause he can.

I think it's an important distinction

THIS THIS THIS THIS THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

oh my goodness :( u read my mind so good, likee literally... sukuna DOES NOT CARE enough to tamper with someone's emotions (the exception being yuuji! i wonder what the two's connection is...) i may be a fan of bully!sukuna in au fics BUT i really dont depict canon sukuna to be fond of picking on the weakest people, in fact, he hates them so much that he doesnt even bat an eye towards such individuals. he truly thinks that they are boring and not even worth that kind of time.

that is not to say he doesnt like bullying those weaker than him (see with jogo, and megumi in s1) but he really does not give a fuck abt those that cannot even put up a decent fight against him!!! he just offs them quite painlessly if they dont act accordingly around him haha

that, and the way even his horrendously evil actions ooze so much charisma... sukuna is DRENCHED in natural charm and swagger, there is no one that comes close to the presence he holds (in my personal opinion). the tiny mannerisms he does, like the hands in his pockets, his natural and relaxed stances, he always just has that sense of composure around him.

and yet also... i see that sukuna isnt afraid to show his expressions of surprise/shock/goofiness, which i think gives him a lot of that flavourrr,,, like he isnt a boring villain, always having the same smirk or neutral face. i liked seeing him get thrashed around too and struggle against gojo!!! AWOO my sadist heart was jumping for joy.. he is not afraid to TANK hits and eat those punches up... (something throbs in me whenever i see sukuna get punched or bloodied)

he literally just does what he wants, when he wants. he fr cares abt nothing other than himself... the WELL BACKED UP confidence... the way he's just a man acting on his whims and whatever he's in the mood for. lawd have mercy, i could talk about him forever but i will stop here LMFAO

#poe answers #sukuna

[blackenedfeathersfallingdown]

sunnflower content + rant 🌻

first of all, ao3 !! i really just wanted some good, nontoxic sunflower fanfiction because both sunny & basil deserve to be happy after the shit they've gone through! also, i wanted to feel better because BASIL IS CLEARLY HEAD OVER HEELS FOR SUNNY AND HE DOESNT KNOW IT (video by nerdy arty) hdjvhdjvhdn he JUST LIKE ME FR!!

ive categorized them by AU / canoncompliant with additional tags! completed fics are marked with 🌻, long fics (5k+ words) are marked with 💡

canon compliant:

Culinary Conversations by ShardOfHope💡

A Mug of Sundrops in a Wave of Sadness by karma_kalanchoe💡

The First Day of the Rest of Your Life by smiles2m

Suddenly, Sunny by diagnosed_shitposter

Bloom Later by witheredahlia💡

Catch a Glimmer of Your Star by UdonPuddle 🌻💡

au / mari lives:

Secondhand Sequitir by Soppypup💡🌻

He's Impossible by HowardR💡

to bask in your warmth by im_clo💡🌻

Flower Language by mirror_to_the_past💡

hmestwbf by ME (yes yours truly)

next up is yt animatics because uhhh idk i really like watching homo idiots!! i have 🕹️ that indicates the video depicts some omori plot involving spoilers for the game (the accident, angst, etc) or covers the entire game happening.

OMORI MV - Eine Kleine by Bear🕹️

Try Again by eggsoupery🕹️

OMORI MV - Love Me by white_tulips_

Nonsense Speaker by Nerdy Arty🕹️

in defense of sunflower: (major omori spoilers here cw!!)

why are people antagonizing them this badly? seriously i don't get it. they were children when the accident happened and gameplay shows that both of them got shittons of trauma

"what the hell were you guys thinking when you decided to ship two mentally unstable teenagers that participated in the same manslaughter??"

it was an accident. looking at the incident, i firmly believe it was very seriously fucked up, and they weren't in the right state of mind when it happened. consider the situation, the person you love most in the world is gone forever. in this situation, sunny completely closes in on himself and creates headspace. basil on the other hand sees sunny (his childhood best friend and the one he describes as 'perfect' and puts on a pedestal) completely having a mental breakdown. basil panics, not knowing what to do, because both of the people he idolize is gone - mari is dead, a part of sunny died with her. obviously he has a mental breakdown figuring out what to do, too?

obviously we should also consider basil's mental state at this point - pure speculation here, but basil, due to his feminine gender expression, would have been a victim of bullying, and the gang would have been his first friends. and basil photographs things he cherishes. that would mean he sees himself losing his friends when mari dies because sunny is most likely gonna be legally convicted of manslaughter right? in his disoriented, panicked mind, he wanted to protect sunny, the friend he most likely did have feelings for but was unable to admit them due to already being bullied, (that's just my hc dw) and did something that is super fucked up — he did more harm than good, but i believe he was just trying to fix everything back the way it was. we're absolutely going to talk about why Basil knows how to tie a noose, which adds to my point — basil might already have been mentally unwell (no doubt taking more shit from life than one is supposed to) BEFORE he met his friends, and he was desperately trying to salvage what little happiness he had left.

i cannot deny that sunnflower has full potential of being a very unhealthy and toxic relationship, but i might add that the true + secret ending has both Somethings disappear, implying that both of them are capable of healing. thats why i ship them manyyearsafter-canon or AU, bc therapy can fix shit ive seen it myself

ill end this little rant by a comment from j0kerclash on reddit:

Pairing them together is the implication that they are able to completely heal from their trauma, the actual dynamics of their relationship isn't toxic, it was the circumstances of their interactions combined with the context of the event itself. Sunny and Basil aren't permanently fucked up, I'd say it's quite harmful to imply that people are forever broken and can never truly recover. Considering the choices in the game are about confronting, accepting, and moving on from guilt and trauma, the best scenario for both Sunny and Basil, is if they were truly able to let go and not become triggers for each other, which is illustrated by them being unaffected by the potential toxicity of their past.

sorry for the rant! here are some links also defending the ship

if you enjoyed, i also have another sunflower headcannon post

from diagnosed_shitposter

idfk how to link the original text im sorry

this

#omori sunflower #omori sunnflower #sunny x basil #basil x sunny #i love these idiots #let them be gay #omori #omori basil #omori sunny #omori sunny x basil #sunnflower #theyre so silly #they are in love #omori fluff #fanfiction #god i am gay

[codename-adler]

part of me hopes Baby Girl, Good Luck is about any aftg girl... part of me hopes babygirl is kevin.

ofc bbgirl is ALWAYS Kevin!!! but if i say it comes from Ethel Cain's "Sun Bleached Flies"..…………....? yeah it's Renee.

Adler's PiPs ~ Project: Baby Girl, Good Luck

this project is my babygirl fr. i once attempted to do NaNoWriMo with this fic, and failed, like i've failed every NNWM i ever signed up for! yay me!

but i have many notebook pages written, which counts for something in this world of vague WIPs and AUs. i have so many hopes for this fic. i want to elevate Renison and boost the numbers on ao3. it's like my sapphic magnum opus.

let's recap:

this is a Renison fic with the dynamic of friend-to-protector/FWB-to-lover for Allison and friend-to-savior/FWB-to-lover for Renee. yeahhh we're switching it up babey!

it is very much Renison-centric; i don't plan on involving much of the Foxes, at least not any more than necessary. Andrew and Jean for sure, Bee also, and Wymack, but all very much in the background.

it is canon-divergent; in the sense that it tries to be as in character as possible + as close to canon as possible, but; the fic takes place post-canon/post-TKM.

it should be my first NSFW work. it depends on how it progresses with the Kevaaron fic, but i doubt it will speed by BGGL, and if there will be NSFW at all. the debate is still on about that. BGGL is very much NSFW; in fact it is kind of the whole premise. think the "terminal curiosity" sakuatsu series by @favspacetwink & @/moonlumie on ao3 (iykyk)(but a little less rough/BDSM-ish).

topics to expect: self-harming coping mechanisms - diving into Renee's past and her past sexual abuse - looking at Renee's bio family - sex as coping strategy - ED - religious guilt - exploration of sexuality - ANGST - hurt/no comfort & hurt/comfort - HEA!!!

the premise:

Allison catches Renee in the midst of a sexual encounter, and although it seems consensual, Allison knows better than to believe her eyes and Renee's lies. Digging deeper, Allison uncovers the lengths to which Renee has gone to scratch an itch, one that has been under her skin since she was barely a teen. Allison cannot bear to see her friend be hurt by strangers nor by herself, so she makes her a deal: When it itches, come to me. We'll deal with it together. What starts as an innocent promise to take Renee's mind off of her urges with different hobbies, soon evolves into a full blown friends-with-benefits situation, where Allison leads Renee through the waves, teaches her one thing or ten, explores another dozen with her, and finally restores the notions of respect, health, faith, and love in Renee. But that's just what friends do for one another, right? And Allison would never break a promise, not for anything in the world. Right?

an excerpt:

a look at my disjointed terrible no good squiggly handwritten notes:

thank you so much @totallyfoxes for letting me gush about my babygirls, and sorry for the lack of Kevin :/ maybe try "The Language of Boys" or "Start of Time" ? 👀👉👈

#adler's pips #project: baby girl good luck #project: BGGL #baby girl good luck #renison #renee walker #allison reynolds #aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court #the sunshine court

[greenerteacups]

have a few questions for u! i loved your latest chapter, i believe it’s my favourite one to date together with the yule ball special :)

01. since u’re writing a (very intense) re-write of book 1 to 7 canon, how happy/sad were you about draco’s arc in the books and films? it always bugged me that him and the slytherins didn’t get to shine that much in both aspects, and that’s why we never really got to appreciate them a lot when the books and films came out. would love to hear your take on this!

02. not sure if this has been asked before, but what thing/s inspired you to write lionheart? i recall reading it was because of your love for to all the young dudes, but i’d love to hear you talk about this more

03. if j* r****** weren’t as awful a person as she was (and so terribly closed minded too) do you think there would have been a way for draco and hermione to be together in canon, or at least be some level of friends, if not together romantically?

04. i’m a narcissa black-malfoy apologist and stan, and can i just say, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for writing her in such a beautiful and heartbreaking way. i cannot wait to see how you write her arc in books 5-7.

05. an absolute, absolute shot in the dark - but since friday’s last update was sort of a cliff hanger - would you be open to a double update or an earlier than usual update this week? we aren’t entitled to anything but i swear to you, i was biting my nails and at the edge of my seat fr the minute i ran to the friday update. draco and sirius’s conversation was too real and too beautiful i sobbed so much.

i love you!!! may the universe bless you with all the good karma (is my boyfriend, is a god, is the breeze in my hair on the weekend)!!!

hello! thank you for all the questions, wow!! will probably answer some in separate posts because tumblr usually censors my craft glitches out when i write long asks BUT

how happy/sad were you about draco’s arc in the books and films?

[looks at 400,000 words of AU fic about draco's arc] oh yeah i feel normal and care a regular amount about it

Man, it makes me sad. It makes me sad that almost all the Death Eaters are also children of Death Eaters, establishing this as a familial cycle of violence and hatred, and that's just... left to sit there in the narrative, implicating.

Draco’s arc in particular is a flat downward descent from schoolyard bully into a fascist death cult, and it’s bleak as fuck. like, if these books are written from Draco’s POV, it is some gruesome and deeply cynical stuff, guaranteed. which is a shame, because I think “reluctant and begrudging reformed villain” is an amazing character type that he could have fulfilled perfectly. doesn’t even have to go on tour with the Golden Trio, either; because I lost hope for Redemption Arc after the end of book 6, my ideal world going into book 7 was just having Draco stuck in Grimmauld Place, being bitchy and ill-tempered about the Order’s witness-protection equivalent, while the others treat him like a house-elf. “oh, yeah, that’s Draco, he used to bully us but now he has to ask us to buy the tea he likes at the grocer’s,” etc. I mean, full redemption would have been great, and by far the most rewarding for him/me personally as a reader, but I kind of figured by the end of HBP that it wasn’t in the cards. JKR writes characters in a particular way when she’s interested in them as people, and Draco was just never written with that level of attention or care. 

he’s not even given a particularly rewarding antagonist arc. he doesn’t follow through and kill Dumbledore, thus giving him something irrevocable and life-scarring to repent for; but neither does he join the Order (e.g., Disappearance), meaning his ultimate contribution to the war effort is just this listless, choiceless trend of enabling. he’s forced into the plot with the Vanishing Cabinet, but can't kill Dumbledore; he tries to hide Harry’s identity from Bellatrix in Book 7, but it doesn’t work; he tries to catch Harry in the Room of Requirement and fails, then has to be saved by Harry from fiendfyre his own incompetent sidekick conjured. cringe failson. it’s also hilarious put in contrast with this fanon we have of hypercompetent draco — it’s like we all saw him and were like god bless can we please get this man a skillset. jesus christ he is getting killed out here.

but anyway tbh I think the most character development we see from him in all 7 novels is when Hermione slaps the shit out of him in POA (call that spell of Shutting the Fuck Up the way he doesn't even try to retaliate). The bathroom scene in book 6 is huge, because it’s the first time we get a modicum of sympathy for him, but that’s not followed up on — we just sort of leave him with “yeah, that’s tough.” we don’t even know why the Malfoys go back to Voldemort, because by all accounts, they seem miserable. Lucius seems miserable even before he hits his Flop Era in book 6-7, but he’s also broadly miserable all the time when we see him (likely bc we only see him when he’s plotting/scheming/exploding in rage when Harry manages to yet again Scooby Doo one of his plots, but who knows). I think the seventh book subtly implies the Malfoys are so close with Voldemort because of Bellatrix, and [spoilers incoming] I myself lean heavily on that thread in later sequences in Lionheart, but in the books it’s up to the reader as to how much the Malfoys really believe in the Dark Lord versus just comply with his orders from fear.

#greenteacup asks #draco malfoy #lionheart #thank you! i hope karma is a relaxing thought <3 #sweet like honey etc etc

[scrivenger-grimgar]

on my Flight Rising x SVSSS au, where all the shen siblings are dragons, theres been a lot of FR gene updates so i'm looking into slight redesigns for the shen's scries!

in this post i'll be posting the original adult scries i had in order of their age (as their previous human selves; as dragons fangshou and louming are from the same clutch and anyuan and yukaui are from the same clutch). don't mind the gender associated with whatever pose i have, thats just an aesthetic choice. it will be organized as:

dragon breed [colour primary/colour secondary/colour tertiary] genes, eye type element.

first: shen fangshou. an obelisk with [maroon petals/gold flair/gold glimmer] (xyy) genes and bright wind eyes. you're going to see a bit of a pattern here where colours are mating or close, along with matching genes for sibling pairs/clutchmates. the emphasis on gold is indicative of his position as the Shen heir, along with red for royalty. petals was chosen because it looked nice and had the double meaning of gentleness and kindness, hidden in red for a tough and protective exterior.

second: shen louming, a ridgeback with [tarnish jaguar/ginger bee/gold glimmer] genes and common wind eyes. with the [gold glimmer] i cant tie louming to fangshou, and with the colour tarnish i can tie in some more cold colours that are more present in anyuan and yukuai, along with his tinkering habits and mechanical savvy. the gold glimmer to match fangshou is a sort of display of wealth.

third: shen anyuan (canon's shen qingqiu), an imperial with [white speckle/forest paisley/emerald glimmer] with bright wind eyes. again with the glimmer tertiary, its nice but might change, as given his lifestyle before (and after) transmigration he doesn't think very highly of himself. the paisley is where i'm really unhappy with it; i like the shine it gives to his fur but the pattern itself in mid at best and doesn't really match him.

fourth: shen yukuai, a wildclaw with [mist speckle/lavender toxin/sky sclaes] genes and rare wind eyes. i actually really like yukuai's design, its not uber feminine but still somewhere on that scale, with the wildclaw design and the scales tertiary making a more combative demeanor shine through. the way the toxin/scales combo tie each other in are very nice.

additionally if you're wondering about their size, here is a link the the flight rising dragon size comparison.

#i am going to be giving each one of them apparel items as well. #svsss #svsss au #scum villain #scum villain au #shen siblings #shen yuan's siblings #shen yuan #shen qingqiu #mxtx svsss #svsss shen qingqiu #svsss dragons au

[olliegearloosecabrera]

Ok so, I decided to add some facts about The Trio so people can know more about them. (TW Sexual, mental, and physical abuse; Mention of P!lls and E@ting D!sorder and depression)

Sean:

Sean is actually from Mexico and can speak Spanish fluently. He still keeps up with some Mexican traditions sometimes.

Sean is A junior Woodchuck Like Huey. That's how he met Huey.

Sean is in love with Huey. (My head canon for Huey is that he's Bi)

Sean Loves reading and writing. He wants to be a writer in the future. Sean also loves science, like Oliver

Sean is a huge nerd.

He is also a Darkwing Duck fan

Sean actually gets adopted by Drake and Launchpad and becomes the adopted brother of Gosalyn

Sean's birth parents disowned him for being gay🙄

Sean's pronouns are He/him

Sean's favorite music artist is Cavetown.

Sean's birthday is on June 16

Benji:

Benji is a HUGE theatre kid and a funny kid. He wants to be on Broadway and also wants to be a comedian when he gets older.

Benji is Omnisexual. ( Which means he likes any gender but has a preference.)

Benji is In love with Dewey. ( My headcanon for Dewey is that he's Pan)

(this is going to be traumatic TW abuse of 3 kinds) Benji's mom and her boyfriend physically, mentally, and sexually abused him.

Benji's mom also killed his dad and older siblings, and his mom threatened that if he called the police he would be killed too.

Benji has Major depression and hides it very well, and he goes to therapy.

Benji takes anti depressive pills.

Benji is basically the funny friend who doesn't talk about his feelings and mental state bc he doesn't want to seem selfish.

Benji also has a eating disorder but gets better after a while of knowing Dewey.

Benji's mom and her boyfriend are in jail for all the things they did.

Benji's pronouns are He/They

Benji's favorite artists are Nirvana, My Chemical Romance, and Taylor swift( I know such a difference and Benji is a swifty fr).

Benji has a spirit possessing him. He used to be evil but then they just became cool with each other. The spirit's name is Lynx.

Lynx's Voice claim bc I think it's perfect for him.

Lynx has the personality of Bill Cipher ( Gravity falls) mixed with Angel dust (Hazbin Hotel).

Benji is amazing at singing

Benji is ENTP

Benji also has a magical amulet that helps him and Lynx control their powers. (Kinda like Lena's)

Benji's birthday is on April 19 ( Like tommyinnit)

Oliver:

Oliver is the nephew of Gyro Gearloose.

Oliver loves Science and music. He wants to be a musician and scientist in the future.

He had a twin sister named Catherine, but tragically died in a accident on a school field trip.

Oliver's mom was very abusive.

Oliver went missing for a few years after a plane crash with his dad. Presumed dead kinda like Della was.

Oliver's dad betrayed him by joining F.O.W.L and basically told Oliver that he never wanted him in the first place.

Oliver can Speak Italian, Greek, and Ukrainian fluently (And English ofc).

Oliver has MAJOR anxiety.

Oliver has ADHD.

Oliver is in love with Louie. (Head canon for Louie is that he's Gay.)

Oliver goes to therapy too.

I had an AU that he landed on the land of the Dream Smp and basically got adopted by Tommy. Oliver got even more traumatized over there (poor guy😭).

Oliver uses He/They pronouns.

Oliver is Trans masc.

Oliver is amazing at fixing/ Inventing things.

Oliver is also amazing at singing.

Oliver looks up to Gyro and Fenton a lot. He thinks of Fenton as a uncle ( even though Gyro and Fenton get married in the future).

People close to Oliver call him Ollie or Olive.

Oliver's favorite artists are Arctic Monkeys, PUBLIC, Lana Del Rey, Cavetown, and Lovejoy.

Oliver is Gay.

Catherine is actually a spirit always watching Oliver, making sure he doesn't get in too much trouble. (Like Lena did for Webby).

Oliver's birthday is on January 3

This took way longer than I wanted😭. I wanted to basically give more facts about the Trio since I gave so little facts about them. I may give some facts about Catherine bc why not.

#ducktales oc #ducktales 2017 #comfort character #huey dewey and louie #Youtube

[cotyncosmos]

*shoves you riley again because I'm obsessed with him*

(lore under cut)

ok ok so when I first made him I made him specifically for my blakeworth parent au (aka they still work for myers and the cyborg Vincent thing was voluntary (as much as he actually could volunteer) lmao) . He's supposed to meet Draco at RMU, and share a dorm with him (because this is self indulgence and I heart draco).

He technically isn't.. y'know, human nor a mutant? He's a shapeshifter running from the government basically. But I mean that happened like 500 years ago on a different planet; so he's actually criminal free where the dinoverse takes place lmao. (His age is supposed to be ambiguous, however he's the same age as Draco (16) when they go to RMU) (I also don't know the canon age vince and victor went to RMU, so this might change ehe)

He doesn't have a self of identity, I mean, how can you have one when you've been on the go your entire life, and kept shifting into new personalities, new looks, new credentials.. his actual form is so distorted due to this; whenever he tries to make something up about himself, whatever part he's trying to shift turns to black ink, all drippy and he's soon to become a large puddle of it if he continues.

Riley isn't even he's actual name, but he's been this made up ‘Riley’ he decides to just keep as him. (fun fact 1 : he'll only respond to someone if they call him ‘Riley’, and nicknames only go as far as ‘Riles’, ‘Rye’, ‘Ri’, or ‘Rilester’, and even then, he only responds to nicknames to close friends/family.) He's apart of the Phoenix Family no matter what. (as in phoenix wright ahaha catch my drift? /j)

More about his family life; his parents are Cethin (he/they) and Lucas (he/it) Phoenix respectively! And they love each other!! :D!!! (no family trauma aahha)

Ok but on a fr note, Cethin works at home in his office, locked away so Riley can't get in and only Lucas can. (Because Riley usually bothers him lmao), they've been working a job from an unnamed company; who apparently pays them quite well because their family is rich af. Like I'm talking 20+ millions ehe

Lucas’ a stay at home dad, but invents gadgets for riley and himself in his free time :p, he's also very overprotective riley.

he's my silly little guy and I love him so much <3

#bad at tagging #oc #oc art #riley phoenix #!!! <3 #he's my son #/pos #cotyn art #cotyn rambles #i might give him freckles ngl. or like moles #vtsom #vtsom oc

[lostfracturess]

hello there, i hope you're doing well dear writer!! i just wanted to quickly hop into your inbox and ask something regarding s&c ^^'

first of all, I've been following your fanfic for quite some time now and im really loving it so far!

tbh i rarely read reader x canon aus but this one in particular stuck out to me. the way you shape the story and characters is so amazing to me, they truly give me the immersive feeling i desperately seek in some aus (even if i see the reader not as myself specifically but a separate character, you created, that wanders around in my head rent free atp lol)

gojo and the reader either make me wanna rip my hair out and scream in agony or curl in a ball under my blanket and cry and giggle like a little girl.. there really is no in-between with these losers 😭

also, i might not understand much of the medical world since that field is far out of my reach as a language student but it's so so interesting reading all the surgical procedures described and trying to make sense of it all (you even got me googling most of the stuff since I'm not familiar with many medical terms 😭) but hey! it's always nice to learn new things and the more you know the better :3

okay this got incredibly long and i am very sorry for my dumb ramble but i felt like gushing over your fanfic for a second 😭

now my question:

do gojo and geto (and sukuna) know each other since high school or university? i honestly don't know whether you already mentioned this in the fic or answered a similar question or not. if either happened i apologize for my poor memory (it fails me a lot recently) i also don't even know if it matters that much but i was really curious for some reason 😅

also whenever you happen to write in gojo's pov again: do you think you'd add some sort flashbacks from his past that explain his character and decisions more? (since bro doesn't wanna open up abt it 💔) i am REALLY curious about young gojo!! ESPECIALLY regarding the situation between sukuna and gojo bc WTF did bro do that's apparently "worse than drugs" and infuriated sukuna so much he'd wanna ruin his life over it 😭 (I'd like to imagine sukuna is a pathetic loser that'd get butthurt over the most ridiculous things ever, cartoon villain type of guy fr)

well i think i'm done with my ramblings now, hopefully my questions make sense xd i'm looking forward to reading your reply soon!!

thank you so much for giving your all to this fanfic; the time, effort and heart you put into it is greatly appreciated by many 💕 have a great day dear writer, i'm sending you lots of love and much luck in your studies 🥰🫶🏼

awwwwee, this message is so incredibly heartwarming!! thank you so so much for taking the time to share your thoughts and the way the story resonates with you. hearing that it provides that immersive feeling, and makes u scream, cry and giggle is truly the best feeling in the world for a writer!! ♡

there really is no in-between with these losers

why did this make me laugh, u calling them losers ahahah

i really appreciate you being interested in the medical side of things despite it being completely unfamiliar territory!! the fact that you're even googling terms warms my little heart hehe ♡

also please never apologize for sending messy messages like this. it absolutely makes my day to read such sweet messages!!

also your questions:

do gojo and geto (and sukuna) know each other since high school or university?

don't remember myself if i answered that already lol (hope i don't say something different now). gojo and geto know each other since high school and were kind of rivals first and then bonded over a basketball match they both took part in. best friends since. they never really split, went to the same university, did their residency at the same hospital.

sukuna, gojo and geto became familiar in university. with sukuna being more of a frenemy to them. but gojo and sukuna were kinda close and geto and sukuna were just people who could hang out at a party.

do you think you'd add some sort flashbacks from his past that explain his character and decisions more? (since bro doesn't wanna open up abt it 💔)

yes yes yes!! next chapter will be gojo's pov again and there will be a scene were we'll get to know more about his upbringing (not in the next chapter tho, sometime later).

ESPECIALLY regarding the situation between sukuna and gojo bc WTF did bro do that's apparently "worse than drugs" and infuriated sukuna so much he'd wanna ruin his life over it 😭

won't spill the beans yet about what exactly gojo did, but i'll explain some time later in the story. sorry for the wait!! i feel like these things are so clear for me, because apparently i write them but i feel like it must be really frustrating for readers having so many questions left and then having to wait a few weeks for the next update, ahhhh! sorry for that!!

(I'd like to imagine sukuna is a pathetic loser that'd get butthurt over the most ridiculous things ever, cartoon villain type of guy fr)

ahahha omg. now i see it too ☠️☠️

thank you so much for appreciating the hard work that goes into creating s&c!! and thank you for the well-wishes with my studies. i'm sending love and happy vibes right back to you ♡♡

#inbox #symptoms and causes

[lunar-serpentinite]

when i do my silly little rewrite of the entire series and go for noncanon ships over the canon ones, i still want to keep the essence and significance of the canon ships albeit in a platonic/non-romance version this time

as in, when it comes to the canon partners of the characters im writing (ginny, astoria etc.), i still want them to have a significant role in the characters' lives while also developing them outside of that so they wont fall into the trope of existing only for x and y . i want them to feel as human and as nuanced as i make the main characters

like for example

ginny and harry have a special bond as the unconventional slytherins (yes ginny is sorted into slytherin in nandhini's legacy AU) of their generation which is further developed by their shared trauma of facing tom riddle (bc it'll still happen in second year fr), and i also think theyre an impeccable chaser-seeker duo on the field . they have each others' backs and could pursue something romantic if they choose to put in the work but in this world, ginny isnt influenced by hero worship and sees harry in a different angle from the beginning aka an older brother figure that she can go to to complain abt her own family without feeling guilty . but beyond harry, ginny is trying to navigate and cultivate an identity outside of being her mother's coveted daughter and being in the shadow of phenomenal older brothers . the sorting hat threw her a curveball when it placed her in slytherin and she has to adjust all her notions of the future from that point forward .

meanwhile for draco and astoria :

i can see astoria as someone who is wise beyond her years but also physically fragile . the people around her cant decide if she shld be treated as a helpless baby or as a girl who is mature enough to deal with her own shit . her chronic illness turned daphne into a glass child and astoria, while close with daphne, feels very guilty abt it . as for draco and astoria's relationship, in this AU i still believe astoria will be the one to contribute the most to draco's unlearning of his blood purity prejudices and astoria's also one of the only ones who has enough balls to call draco out when no one else wants or is able to . draco is also able to help astoria be heard by her parents esp when they're in their extra overbearing eras and he has played mediator between her and her family when they fight . in the end i think astoria is still going to ⚰️ young but not before she is able to do things she actually enjoys, even tho she doesnt know what they are yet . she, draco, and daphne are helping her make a bucket list . there's so much she could do but she only has so little time .

i could go on and on about the choices i make for everyone's relationships and characterisations but like i think ive yapped on enough for today LMAOOOOO

#harry potter #harry potter au #mine : nandhinis legacy au #mine : my au discussion #harry james potter #draco malfoy #ginny weasley #astoria greengrass #i just love everyone a lot and i think they all deserve their own little spotlight :(

[misty-wisp]

I see the opportunity to talk bout ttb, I jump at it. What I ABSOLUTELY love about your au is how well it connects with canon in ways that still makes it a unique au and not just, a what-if continuation of the canon story!

There's some loose ends tied for Sunny and at the same time, strings tangling up for the friends and we get to see their part in it too that they're still not ok but they're in the road to being okay, it's just that the road is horribly bumpy and filled with obstacles.

Will always adore the lil world building expansion, I still remember that scene where Sunny got lost on his first time in the city and I love how you wrote it like the way that it's so overwhelming, I love it!

And Monty, I love him a lot, I adore the dude so much that ttb aint ever complete without him. He is the best, even though it's only been like a few scenes with him. I just adore characters like him, he looks like the sweetest person to ever be with and I will protect him.

AND OF COURSE THE EVENTS IN HEADSPACE!!!!! MY ABSOLUTE FAVE! I love how it isn't just forgotten or it didn't just vanished or that it isn't crumbling in the way of a collapse but that it was forced into a timeskip in order to mirror and match Sunny's time. So instead of being stuck in the past, headspace is now also moving along at the same time as the present.

The changes of the headspace friends and how close they are to their real life counterparts AND OMORI!!!! MOST ESPECIALLY OMORI!!! I love how even though he now has a mind of his own, his mindset is still a mess and now it's Sunny's turn to help him and I still remember and love that bit where Mewo panicked cuz Omori appeared mechanical again, like he's sentient but there's still something going on and there may even still be a possibility of him reverting back and I will lose it if that does happen but like goddamn though cuz even after everything Omori is still not in the clear and then there's still more problems to solve especially with his friends and it's just!!!!!!!!!

It's a very very interesting and intriguing au that I'll always be looking forward to whatever is gonna happen next oh and oh and flower stranger <3 adorable snarky lil plant. I just absolutely love how well you owned the concept of continuing canon and created a really great au out of it.

It's like the iceberg pic! At the surface it seems like a simple lil au about Sunny's life in the city with his friends dealing with new problems and headspace changing but it is actually more than that and I really rwally love it because of it :D (also need to check for new chapters of it)

WAHHH....ARIA....i can't form any words this is the sweetest thing ;-;

i'm so glad you love my story so much fr! i put a lot of love and care into it and it makes me so happy to see that being reflected in readers' appreciation for it

#tysm ;-; this means a lot to me #omori au #tsumi to batsu au #yurushite fic #ask #mewotheblackcat

[ofpd]

do you have a les mis fic rec list 👀

yeah i am somehow able to make one which is insane bc i usually don't even read fic. the only time ive ever read this much fic before was when i was into atla which like. that was a hyperfixation strong enough to get me onto this website. exr has such an effect on me... (and yeah almost all of this is gonna be exr. naturally)

i assume you've read or at least heard of world ain't ready, but i'd be remiss not to mention it! the thing with this fic is that it's the ultimate exception to every preference i tend to have with exr fic—it's a modern au, it ends with them having a good, loving, requited, healthy relationship (and with them being alive), and it's often cheesy in a very fanfic way. and so i was really not expecting to enjoy it nearly as much as i did. like, i really really loved it. it's genuinely quite well-written with compelling characterizations and it really does an amazing job of fulfilling the need i sometimes have for them to just. be happy and alive and loving each other. it's possibly the fic i spend the most time thinking about.

the other long fic that i've been really into (i'd say it's probably my favorite les mis fic i've read) is beautiful & good. it starts off slow, but i promise the buildup is worth it. i really love the way in which their relationship is developed throughout—it always feels realistic, in character, and interesting. and it's just so enjoyable to read (and often very funny!), and there's always something new (or many things) that makes me go insane every chapter. it also is the most interesting fic i've read when it comes to them having sex & their characterizations wrt it. actually, the thing that compelled me to read this fic in the first place was a friend telling me that, at one point in it, enjolras says that penatrative sex isn't egalitarian. i really love when they're so insane....

i've actually read all of that author's les mis fics, and i don't remember there being a single one i disliked. but some favorites include epiphanies (woah crazy another modern au), the pursuit of light (the token non-exr fic on this list woah), in lutetia, and the loves of les amis.

another favorite is, of course, ta bouche de ciel by my bestie lucy @jondrettegirls <3. there are lots of things i love about it (which makes sense, like lucy and i are friends in part bc we have such similar tastes w this kind of thing) but one way in which it stands out is that it's the only fic i can think of that i've read that has examination of the concept of beauty as it relates to both normative cultural ideals and to exr as a prevalent theme.

and some other shorter fics i've really liked include thorns and all (which i found bc i was curiously looking through the exr hanahaki tag. this was the only one in it that i particularly enjoyed and oh my god. parts of it made me so insane), put to the sword (among other things in this fic, i love how weird r is about spirituality! just like me fr), and into the light (which is as close as any fic comes to being My ExR Canon tbh).

hope you enjoy!

#woah that got longer than i intended. idt ive ever made a fic recs post before actually like by the time ppl started asking me for them on #sgk it'd been a while since i'd read much atla fic (& i'd decided that i disiked a bunch that i formerly enjoyed lol. but i think my taste #is more refined now to the point that i dont think i'll change my mind on the les mis fics i like any time soon..... #asks #anon #les mis #also it was sooo funny going through my ao3 history for this and seeing that before i started reading exr the most recent time i'd used ao3 #was in early february. and before that it was last november... #and even then it was not regular at all lol #also ty for this ask for getting me to reread into the light #i hadnt read it since really shortly after getting into exr. and oh my god its sooooooo......

[seabunnieart]

Hi!! I'm sorry to bug or if this is weird but like idk I'm like really enjoying your twst homestuck stuff :0!! It actually made me pick my own hs au wip back up from forever ago and has me wanting to reread the comic again 😭 but like!! Yeah!! I love seeing your art n everything for it. Has me foaming at the mouth n doing backflips n whatever fr. I hope this finds ya well btw!!! You're very cool. I'm shaking you and all your art around very violently (/pos).

awww thank you!!! i'm glad a lot of people rlly seem to like it, luckily i really have enjoyed making it so far. ive actually been re-reading the comic too, and trying to do all of this as close to canon as i can. it's fun working within the limitations of another universe tbh. challenging in all the right ways!

i plan on continuing it at my own pace, so keep and eye out hehe.

and thanks a bunch, it's taken me a long time, but i really enjoy my art and where it's at these days. it's always nice to see other people like and have fun with the things i put out there.

#not art.