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thewakeless · 5 years

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A Christmas Tail

A Christmasy One Shot about dnp through the eyes a lovable mutt. Mostly soft fluf.

Of all the humans in the cage-place Maggie had always been Winston’s favorite. She was young, and smelled like cats, with silver bracelets rattling at her wrists. Every morning when she passed his cage she would lean down and say: “Hello Winston, aren’t you a good boy today?” She’d stretch out her hand through the bars, and he would feel her soft dark fingers going through his fur, and finding that special spot just behind his ear that made him flop down on the ground and show her his tummy.

Just like all the dogs and cats in the place every human had a favorite, and Winston’s was Maggie’s. She would bring him treats, and spend an extra long time on their weekly walks. They would go into the Park, and she’d be patience as he stopped at every tree, sniffing it all. She never pulled his leash, and she never hurried him up like the other humans. But what Winston liked best was that she talked to him on their walk:

“It’s a nice day today isn’t it? Maybe we’ll go all the way to the River.”

“Aw, aren’t you handsome today Winston? The blue collar looks much better on you than the orange one.”

Sometimes, after the first part of their walk, they would sit down on a bench and she would pet him, and he would lick her fingers. “If I didn’t already have four cats Winston you’d be coming home with me this Christmas,” she said one time as she brought him back to his cage. She knelt on the ground and hugged him. “I’ll see Monday boy.”

He stayed by the bars, looking at her in her turquoise coat as she vanished out the door. He let out a little whimper, and lay down, his head rested on his paws. The weekends were a very bad time. On the weekends a lot of strangers came. Not Marty, or Donna, no Leah, or Maggie, these strangers came in once, looked around and then never came back. Sometimes they even took dogs and cats with them, but not always. They often came in a herd, with young once, or friends and they commented on all of them: on their faces, and paws, on their medical history and age. It was scary; Winston was very scared of them.

Many times they would come over and look at him. But when they did he would back away into the corner. “What’s wrong with him?” they would say.

“Oh, Winston’s very shy,” one of the humans would answer. “He was given up when he was only 6 months old, and he’s been with us ever since.”

And then the strangers would say that was too bad. Sometimes, Donna would open his cage and they would come on. The younglings always wanted to touch him, but the parents held them back. Once or twice they wanted to take Winston away, but in the end it had never happened. And that was good, because when a dog or a cat went away they never came back. He had seen it happen a lot of times, too many times, and he also knew what happened out there, with strangers. In the cage-place it was all okay. There was always food. Everyone was nice. They went out to the yard every day and on walks every week. It was as good a life as any Winston could imagine, plus he had Maggie, and he loved Maggie.

On Monday she came in as always, with a big smile, and she went into everyone’s cage to change their food and water. When she got to Winston she sat down on the ground with him, and had him rolling on the floor as she rubbed his belly. “We got people coming today,” she said. “And they wanna look at you,” she said in a tone that made him look up.

He cocked his head to the side, confused.

She laughed. “Why is that surprising, you’re a charmer.”

He looked at her with big black eyes.

She sighed. “Okay, I may have lied a little. So they want a small, quiet, cuddly, apartment dog, which is you basically, but-“she gave out a nervous laugh. “But they also want a corgi which you are most definitely not, and I didn’t mention that part.”

Winston gave out a little bark.

“Hey it’s not a proper lie; it’s a lie by omission. I just had to do it. They were really nice on the phone, and they had a million questions, and I don’t know something just told me to go for it. You know?” her hand went to pet the top of his head again. “You’re a good boy, and you’ve been in here too long. I just saw my chance and went with it.”

She surveyed him. Winston was very far from a posh-purebred corgi. At the very best he was a terrier mix, but in truth he was nothing but a very cute mutt. He was light brown in color, with grey at his ears and around his snout and beautiful black eyes that were more expressive and intelligent than any other dog in the place. It was probably very unprofessional,” she said. “But if it means getting you out of here I don’t give a shit.”

“Paw?” she said and he obliged, giving her his front right paw. She shook it.

“Winston you can’t just be shy today, you have to be yourself,” she said looking at him sternly. “You hear me? You just have to make these people fall in love with you, like I did.” She stood up. “See you in a bit,” she said before closing the cage.

Once she left Winston went to his food bowl and had his breakfast. He drank water till his whiskers were wet, and then lay down on his little blue bed in the corner of the room. He stayed like that for a while, until he heard Cakepop yapping. Cakepop was a four pound Chihuahua that always knew the second someone opened the front door, and as soon as she rang the alarm everyone else was up. Some were barkers like Cakepop, and went straight to the bars of the cage; others were like Winston and retreated to their little corner.

There were voices outside, male voices, and then Maggie. His tale wagged. Maggie was gonna bring strangers in, which was bad, but at least he would get to see Maggie again. After a few minutes the door swung open, and she came in, two very tall males following her. “Here’s where we keep all the animals. Right now we have 18 dogs, 11 cats, and 1 bunny.”

They started walking down the hall. “Oh, that one is really cute Dan. Oh my god.”

“Phil, we talked about this, we’re only brining 1 dog home.”

“But, they’re all so cute-“he said as they paused in front Daisy the half-Pomeranian. “I mean look at her.”

“She’s precious, but she’s a bit of a barker, and considering the fact you live in an apartment that might not be the best fit-“ said Maggie. He looked over his shoulder at the three figures. They were getting closer. “There was the dog I was talking to you about on the phone; he’s seemed to fit all the things you listed.”

“The corgi?”

Maggie made a funny noise. “His name is Winston and he’s almost 3 years old. He’s quiet, very smart, cuddly; the only thing is that he’s a bit shy.”

“A fellow introvert?”

She laughed. “Exactly. But you’ll see he’s really a very special dog.”

The footsteps were growing closer, and Winston buried his face in his bedding. What was Maggie doing brining strangers in? He whimpered as he heard his cage open. A moment later he could smell her kneeling down beside him. “Hey Winston these nice dudes wanna say hi to you,” she rubbed at his ear and he arched back into her touch. She petted him again. “Come on,” she took a step back, waiting. Winston’s dark eyes look at the two strangers by the door, but then his gaze fixed on Maggie’s smile and cautiously he took a step away from the bed.

“Very good boy,” she a treat of the pocket of her jacket and stood up. “Sit.”

He did.

“Very nice.” She threw up in the air and he caught it easily with his mouth. It was peanut butter his favorite. As he ate she turned back to the strangers. “I know he’s not a corgi, but when you were describing your ideal dog Winston was the first thing to come into my mind.” There was a moment of pause when the strangers looked at one another.

“He’s adorable,” said one of them.

“They all are,” hissed the other.

“You can come in and say hi,” said Maggie as she took another treat from her jacket, but instead of giving it to him she handed it to one of the strangers. Winston took a step back as they moved slowly towards him.

“It’s okay, we’re tall but we’re not scary,” he was holding out the treat for him.

Winston looked from the delicious peanut butter cookie, to the stranger’s face which was nothing like Maggie’s, and then back at her. “Go on Winston,” she said, and obediently he took the treat and then let the stranger pet him.

“Oh, he’s soft.”

The other one came closer and began touching his ears. They had giant hands but they were very gentle, barely grazing his fur. He liked that, and then one of them found the magic spot behind his ear, and before Winston knew what was happening he had flopped down on the floor, paws up, trying to get them to rub his belly. One of the strangers laughed and whispered something to the other, but neither Winston nor Maggie caught the words.

“How long has he been here?”

“2 and a half years almost,” said Maggie who was looking at them and holding a clipboard against her chest. “He’s tacking to you really well; he’s usually more cautious around strangers.”

“Well so am I.”

The strangers were rubbing his tummy, and he licked one of their hands which made them laugh again. For a few minutes they stayed with him and then both of them stood up. “Is it okay if we spend a couple of days thinking about it, we’ve been waiting to make this decision a really long time.”

If Maggie was at all disappointed she hid it very well. “Absolutely, but can I say something?”

“Sure.”

“Well I’m not saying Winston’s the only dog for you, but I’m not sure you’d suit a corgi. They tend to do better with experienced dog owners, they’re very independent, and they shed and bark a lot. So maybe try looking at other breeds, a Shih Tzu or a poodle perhaps. Just as a suggestion.”

“Thanks, we’ll keep that in mind.” One of them went to the cage door, while the other leaned down to look at Winston. His eyes were blue.

“Thanks for meeting us today,” he stretched down his hand and Winston licked it, like he did with Maggie. The stranger laughed and looked back at his friend. “Don’t tell me he’s not perfect?” he said. Winston cocked his head to the side. “Oh my god, that’s so cute.”

“Yeah, it’s the terrier in him, they do that a lot,” Maggie explained.

“It’s really freakin cute,” said the second stranger. “But we have to think about it, right?”

The stranger with the blue eyes was looking at Winston strangely. He looked almost sad. He knelt down again and petted his head. “Do we?”

“Phil.”

Maggie laughed. “You guys can spend more time here if you want. I have to get back to reception, but you’re free to stay with him for a bit.”

Something was happening. He could feel it in the room as he looked around at the three humans. The stranger at the cage door took a step back in. “Maybe just for a few minutes.”

“There’s no rush,” Maggie said with a shrug. She leaned down. “You’re gonna stay with the nice men Winston.” She petted him and smiled, and then then she was walking towards the cage door.

He let out a whimper as he watched her leave. Maggie was going. She was leaving him with strangers. “I thought you wanted a corgi, you’ve been talking about it for years.”

“Well I thought I did, but just look at him.”

“He’s a little like Colin.”

“He’s smaller, better for the apartment.”

“Yeah, I guess.” One of them sat cross legged in the concrete the other knelt and they were both petting him.

“He has a good personality, don’t you think?”

“Phil, he’s a dog, they all have good personalities.”

“That’s not true and you know it.” He rubbed one of Winston’s ears and at last Winston felt himself relax. Maggie wouldn’t have left him in here with mean strangers, and these two were okay, they weren’t going to take him anywhere. “What don’t you like about him?”

“Nothing! He’s nice.”

“But?”

The hands stopped moving and Winston turned his eyes up to their faces. One of them had brown eyes, big brown eyes like Maggie. “There’s no ‘but’, it’s just a very serious decision. We’ve literally spent years talking about this.”

“I know,” said the other, and there was a moment between them. Winston could sense it, some shift in the air. “I just don’t wanna wait anymore.”

The brown-eyed one laughed. “You sound like our subscribers.”

“Hey, they’re right. I mean we’re not touring anymore. Movies out. Money’s made. We’re getting our forever house in the next year. It's good timing, isn’t that why we came?”

“It is.”

“So?”

They stared at each other. “You really think this is him, or dog, our Dill replacement, our baby?”

“I do.”

“Well, here goes nothing,” said the other stranger, and then he leaned across Winston and kissed his friend. “Guess we’re gonna be a real family now.”

“We’ve always been a real family.”

He scuffed, and shoved the other playfully. “You know what I mean. Like we’re gonna have a child, we’re gonna be parents.”

The blue eyed one gave an exaggerated gasp. “Do our houseplants mean nothing to you?”

“Oh shut up.”

They got up and went to the cage door. “We’ll be back in a bit,” said one of them. They were smiling at him, like Maggie did, real, joyful smiles. Winston curled up in his bedding again as he heard the reception door swing open and then close. He shut his eyes. Cakepop was yapping again, and someone else was whimpering, he wasn’t sure who. Those strangers hadn’t been so scary, they were nice even. They were probably Maggie’s friends.

Winston drifted off to sleep while in the next room Dan and Phil were signing adoption papers.

There was no doubt about it Winston was having a horrible day, the worst day in a long, long time. Maggie, his Maggie, the Maggie who always gave him treats, and took him on long walks, and called him good boy, had put a leash on him and handed him over to the strangers. She had hugged him away, tears in her eyes, and a big smile on her face, and then the three of them had gotten in a car and driven away from the cage-place, and everything he knew.

He whimpered in the car, seated between both of the strangers, with one of them holding tight to his leash. “He’s crying.”

“He was in there a long time; it’ll take him a while to get adjusted.”

Winston gave a particularly loud whimper and gently pawed one of them, looking at him with his big dark eyes. How did you make humans understand anything? He wanted to go back to his old blue bed, and to Maggie, and the cage-place where there was food twice a day and nobody to hurt him. Why would the strangers take him away from that? He whimpered again, but all he got were more pets.

“It’s okay, were almost home,” whispered one of them, which really didn’t help at all.

They were driving further, and he recognized nothing out of the window. Finally, the car came to a stop in front of a brick building, and one of the strangers got up, pulling his leash. Winston whimpered. New things were scary. He felt a hand rub at his ears again. “We got everything ready for you inside already.”

“We need to get him food.”

“Well, yeah, but we have the bedding and the toys and everything. He should see that first.” They walked towards the building. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, Winston thought, it could be another cage place, maybe Maggie was even going to visit later.

It did not look anything like the cage-place. They went up some stairs and then they were somewhere warm. There was furniture, and color, and a big TV. He tried to move and sniff at it, but one of them was holding him back. “You’re lucky, you’re gonna live in the amazingphil room.”

“My teenage dream.”

There was laughter, and then they were in a bedroom. It was small, with a single window, and a bed with bright covers. They shut the door, and he whimpered at the sound. The strangers leaned down and suddenly he felt the leash come off. They were looking at him expectantly, and everything was so new. One of them was petting him again. “This is your new home.”

Home. He did not know that word. He looked at each of them. In the cage-place it was easy to tell the humans apart. Donna was old. Marty was male. Leah smelled of Cheetos. And Maggie was dark and pretty and had cat fur all over her. These two were difficult to tell apart. They were male, young but not children, with dark hair, pale skin, and the same smell. It was a good smell. The one with the brown eyes was dressed all in black, the other wore a red jacket, but he had learned not to trust a human’s colors, they always changed.

“We have a bed for you, and toys and everything-“ he pointed back towards the opposite wall, and Winston turned. There was a bed there, and without waiting an instant he ran to it. It wasn’t like his old one, this was one was dark red, and it smelled a little like plastic wrap, but it was softer and warmer. He turned around on it a few times, before plopping down, his eyes on the strangers. They were smiling at him, they looked happy.

“He’s so cute. Do you think it’s too early to take pictures?”

“Nah.”

Winston watched them curiously as they pulled out cellphones and began taking pictures of him. When he cocked his head to the side they both made awww noises. “Are you like an odd mixture of happy and scared right now?”

“Definitely,” said the other one, putting his arm around him. “But that’s parenthood right?”

“Yeah.” They leaned closed to each other and kissed, the sound soft.

“It’s so weird that we’re dads now.”

“Well you’ve always been my daddy.”

The other one elbowed him. “Oh shut up.”

“Think he’s hungry?”

“It’s been like half an hour, he’s not you. I’m sure he’s fine.”

“Well I wanna go and buy food anyway, and get it over with.”

“Okay, and then after-“

“Pizza, and anime.”

“Perfect.” The one in red stood up and they kissed again. “See you in a bit, bye Winston.”

Winston sat up as the door opened and then closed. The human that was left crawled towards him. “You really are quiet. You haven’t barked once, which is good cause our neighbors already hate us, apparently I’m really loud or something.” He petted him. He was a good petter, and Winston rubbed his head against his knee.

“We’ve never done this before, you’re gonna have to be patience with us. Phil’s never even had a dog.” He was petting him closer to his ear, and then his fingers hit the perfect spot and Winston gave out a little bark and rolled over onto his back. The human laughed. “I know dogs just temporarily fill the empty place in my heart, but you’re all kinda great, like the best people I know. Colin is a good boy, and you’re a good boy too.” He rubbed his belly. It was nice.

It seemed that Winston’s day only got stranger as it went along. There was no cage. The space was giant, with a million things to sniff and explore and many closed doors. There was a metal food bowl filled to the brim and freshwater. It was warm, and there were lots of nice places to sleep. But the oddest thing was that the humans never left. When the second human came back they sat with him a long time, petting him and giving him treats, and then after they went into the big room, and he was given another treat for sitting between them on the couch.

After some TV they went for a very long walk. He had never seen this part of the city. He pulled and pulled, and made the humans hurry after him. But they weren’t mean, they were little like Maggie. They talked to him and laughed, and petted him. Afterwards, he thought they might go back to the cage-place, but they didn’t, they were in the brick building again.

“Are you sure he shouldn’t sleep in the room with us?”

“Phil, we agreed!”

“I know, but it seems cruel to leave him all alone.” They were sat on the floor of the amazingphil room, and the blue-eyed human was hugging Winston.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“But what if he gets lonely.”

“You’re being ridiculous. He’s been living in a cage all his life.”

“Exactly, don’t you think he deserves better.”

“Well obviously, but that doesn’t mean we’re sleeping with him. Besides, what if I have plans for us tonight?”

“Oh,” the hand touching him stopped. Winston looked from one human to the other. There was something happening. He didn’t know what it was called, but he could sense it. “You have something planned?”

The other one shrugged casually. “Maybe, maybe not, but I mean if you think it’s more important to keep Winston company, I can-”

“God you’re such a twat. You win. He’ll stay here.”

They kissed, and petted him before saying: “Goodnight,” and going through the door.

It was hard to sleep. The smells were too different. The noises confusing. There were no other dogs, no cats, nothing. He walked around the room a lot. He scratched at the door. He jumped on the big human bed and bit at the pillows. That was fun. He pulled them down to the floor, along with comforter and put them over the red bed. He whimpered when he thought of Maggie. But at some point without realizing it he fell asleep.

He woke up again when he heard the floor creep, and the door open. One of the humans was there; he was dressed in white and yellow. “Hello Winston,” he said as Winston ran at him. Winston licked him. It had been scary being alone. The human was not Maggie, but he was not a bad human. He petted him and then looked over the room. “Well surprisingly you didn’t pee anywhere, so that’s great. How about we go out to the yard.”

Go out. He knew what that meant. Winston gave out a bark and ran a little circle around him. The human laughed. He had a nice laugh. In the big room, he put a leash on him and then they went into a courtyard. It was a little like the yard at the cage-place, except nicer, and with more plants to smell. He marked his territory all around the perimeter, but they didn’t stay long. After about five minutes the human was pulling his leash.

“Come on, we’re gonna go have breakfast,” when Winston ran to him, he leaned down and rubbed at his ears. It was nice. Inside the big room, he took the leash off and then poured kibble into the food bowl. “We’re gonna go on a long walk later when Dan wakes up.” He left him eating and went to turn on the TV. Once he’d had a good amount of kibble and drank some water he followed the human, but then abruptly came to a stop.

He let out a bark, and the human on the sofa to look at him. “What’s wrong don’t you like the Christmas tree?”

There were lights, fairy lights, all around big tree. It was pretty, very pretty, but he had never seen lights like that. He ran towards it, sniffing it suspiciously. “We have more decorations in the gaming room. We’re gonna have to take some cute pictures with you, so we have to decide which setting is more festive.”

He scratched at the bark until the human called him over. Reluctantly Winston settled by his side as they watched something on the TV, but he kept his eyes on the lights. New things were always suspect. A while later, one of the doors opened and the second human came. “Morning.”

He came over and petted him.. “How’d he do?”

“Good, took off some of the bedding and stuff, but he didn’t pee anywhere.”

“Cause he’s a good boy.”

He plopped on the couch and put his head on the other human’s shoulder. “How’d you sleep?”

“Freaking good after last night.”

He laughed and Winston sat back down, he was between them and it was warm. He put one of his paws on the yellow pajama pants and then looked up at them until someone was petting him again. “This is nice. He really is calm.”

“Yeah, I told you he was good.”

“You did.”

There was the sound of kissing. He was getting used to it. “I can’t believe tomorrow’s Christmas eve, this year was crazy.”

“Yeah I know, we still have to get him a red collar for the insta pic. And I haven’t bought a present for your mum yet.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

All three of them were pressed together. Winston closed his eyes. He had never been with humans like this. Not even Maggie. This warm and soft. It reminded him a little of the old box where he and his brothers and sisters had slept. “How do you think the phannies will react to him?”

“Ovaries will explode, hearts will stop, there’ll be a storm on Tumblr.”

“For a good reason at least.”

One of them leaned down and kissed the top of his head. Winston made a contented sigh and began to drift off.

By that evening Winston had realized that two humans were in fact not as similar as he had first thought. They looked and smelled alike, yes, but they had different vibes. The one who wore black was louder; he laughed a lot, and pulled the sleeve of his sweaters over his hand so that when he petted Winston he could feel warm cloth and skin together. His smell was a little more artificial, like he used more products on his hair or skin. The other human was more nervous, he moved around, he constantly shifted his position on the couch, and every few minutes he would look at him and smile like he couldn’t believe Winston was really there. It was very odd, and he smelled a lot like coffee.

That afternoon they went out on a very long walk, and then a car ride to a crowded city center full of lights. There were thousands of humans there, more than he had ever seen before, and lights of every color dazzling in the murky sunset. They stopped at many buildings and one of them would go in while the other would crouch down on the pavement and give him treats. There were a thousand things to smell and see, and they were patience as he stopped at every street corner and trash can.

Finally, when the sky had gone dark and the city seemed like a cobweb of lights they all got in a car. He nuzzled between them, and felt Phil’s fingers massaging his ear. Phil was the nervous one. The warm one was Dan. He had heard their names enough times to be sure, and they were good names, short and easy just like he liked them.

There was a lot of traffic on the road, he stepped on Phil’s legs and looked out of the window, but he saw nothing familiar, no hint of the cage-place, or Maggie. He whimpered softly.

“Do you think he’s tired?” said Phil, putting an arm over him.

“Maybe, he’ll be better when we give him some dinner. But he looked happy or he was wagging his tail at least. He’s probably never been anywhere like that, must have been exciting for him.”

“You’re probably right.”

They leaned close together but this time they didn’t kiss. Outside the window building after building was going by. Where was this taking them? Would they go to the cage-place again? To Maggie? Or back to the where they had been that morning? He lay down over Phil’s lap, and waited for the car to stop.

When they got out, Winston recognized the brick building, and the familiar elevator and door. It smelled like them, a good smell. Once they release him from the leash he ran all around the place, and heard them laugh. He made it all the way to the red bed, and rolled around in it a few times before hearing Phil call: “Winston, come here boy.”

He ran back to the kitchen just in time to see him pouring fresh kibble in silver bowl. He ate as he heard the TV go off. This kibble was better than the one in the cage place, it had more flavor, and it didn’t leave his teeth feeling funny. When he finished he drank water and then ran back to the sofa. Phil was sitting down, and Dan had his head on Phil’s lap, and his long legs taking up the whole couch. Winston stared at him reproachfully, he wanted a place on that couch.

“Ah, fine, you win, I’ll shove over,” said Dan as he moved his legs off.

Winston gave a little bark of satisfaction and then jumped up, making a little space between them.

“Wow, cockblocked.”

“Well we are parents now; we can’t expect it to be like the good old days when we could just go at it on the couch whenever we wanted,” said Phil.

Dan gave a life. “It does gonna take something a lot more radical than a dog to stop me from seducing you on counter tops.”

Phil giggled, and then they were kissing again over him. A pretty type of cartoon with nice colors was playing on the TV but they spent most of the evening talking to each other, and every once in a while kissing, or petting him. When it got properly dark outside there was an argument about who had to take him out, with Dan giving in at the end with an exasperated “Fine.”

They went to the courtyard and walked in a circle and Winston did his business. They were heading back into the apartment when suddenly Dan stopped and looked up at the sky. It had begun to snow. Winston barked and jumped up. He liked snow. He remembered it cold underneath his paw, and the trails that were left on it when it lay white on the ground. “Guess we’re getting a white Christmas,” said Dan. “That’s nice. Aesthetic.” He looked down at him, smiling; he had an odd smile, not like most humans, with little marks on his cheeks. “But you don’t care about that; you just wanna run around in it.” He leaned down and petted him.

Instead of going in they took a seat on a bench together and both of them looked up at the sky. There were clouds and it was starless but it was still quite pretty. “This will probably be your first proper Christmas,” he said as he ran a finger from his forehead to his snout. “It’s gonna be chill this year. Tomorrow Martyn and Cornelia are coming over, but the 25th we are resolutely not going anywhere. Just the three of us.”

There was a shift. He could feel it, something like sadness was coming over the human, though Winston couldn’t quite understand it. Why was he sad? There was food, and warmth and Phil. He licked at his fingers. “Another Christmas.”

Was Christmas bad? He put his front paws on Dan’s lap and looked at him. “You are really smart. She lied about you being a corgi, but not about you being the exact dog we wanted.” Winston cocked his head to the side. He didn’t know what he was saying, but it was still there, that sadness that seemed to come out of nothing. Dan put his arms around him. “It’s nice to have you here,” he whispered, as he hugged him.

When they went in Phil was somewhere else and Dan took him alone to the room with the red bed. There was a black blanket over it now and Winston cozied up into it, while Dan petted him. “Goodnight, Winston,” he said with one final sad sort of smile before walking out of the room and closing it for the night.

For a while it was hard to sleep. He cried. He turned over. He knocked against the nightstand and brought down a furry brown thing which he proceeded to chew on and pull at. In the end he fell asleep with it in his mouth, half on top of the blanket and half underneath it.

In the morning both of the humans came to get him out and he ran around their feet and barked because he really had to go out. As soon as they opened the door he half-dragged Phil through the courtyard, while Dan stood back laughing at the flustered panic of his boyfriend. When he finished he grabbed a treat from Phil’s hands and licked at his fingers and then sauntered back into their apartment. They had turned the tree with the lights again and it was shining pretty and gold.

They all had breakfast together in the kitchen, and Winston begged for a little bit of bacon, and instead got half a scrambled egg which was almost as good. There was Christmas music in the air and Phil pulled out a little rubber ball which he attempted to throw down the hallway, but Winston was too quick and always caught it in midair.

They seemed to expect him to give the ball back to them however, which Winston found very odd. He had been the one to capture it, therefore it was his, and he would bring it back to his bed, and hoard it, and every time that Phil tried to get it back from him he would struggle and tug at it. Sometimes Phil won, but then he’d just let it go again and Winston would get it back. Other time he would give up with a sigh and Dan would laugh at him.

Around 12 they went into a room he had never and rudely shut the door after them saying: “Winston stay.” He did, but he did not understand why. But of course there was a lot he didn’t understand. This place was so different from the cage place. Here everything was soft, and there were so many things, and so few inhabitants. Just him, and Dan and Phil.

He went back down the stairs, and sat beneath the big tree with lights. It smelled nice. A good earthy smell. And the lights made the area especially warm. He lay his head on his paws and closed his eyes.

Winston woke up again when he heard the creak of the stairs. He jumped up and ran to Phil. He looked nice, and he smelled like perfume. He made Winston sit at the bottom step and then gave him a treat and caressed his ears. Dan came down next and for the next hour they hardly paid him any attention. They were very busy, moving from place to place, checking their phones, and arranging things in the house.

He wasn’t sure why until he heard an odd bell. “Come on Winston,” said Dan,”time to greet your Aunt and Uncle,” he said going towards the main door and signaling for him to follow. Winston hesitated. He looked back at Phil who was putting food on the table. “Come on, they’ll wanna see you.” Winston took a step away. There were strangers coming. More strangers. That wasn’t Maggie, he’d be able to smell Maggie, and it wasn’t Donna, or Marty or Leah either. Dan and Phil had invited strangers. He looked anxiously at the door and then back at Dan. He was not going anywhere.

“Too shy? That’s alright.” Dan turned around and walked to the door. Winston heard it open and then two voices, a man and a woman. She smelled like citrus. He smelled a lot like Phil. They came in and immediately went into happy gasps as they looked at him.

“Aw, he’s even cuter than the picture!”

She walked slowly towards him. There was nowhere to go really. In the cage place, the blue bed had felt safe because it was behind bars, but there were none here. She knelt on the floor and offered a hand. “Come here sweetie,” she said softly. “What’s his name again?”

“Winston,” said Phil who was kneeling too. Winston moved closer to him. He knew Phil, he knew his energy and his smell and his voice. He didn’t know this stranger. “He’s a little shy, this is his first home.”

“Oh,” she cooed. “Well he’s lovely. How’s he been getting on?”

Winston turned his eyes from Dan to Phil as they both talked about him at the same time, often interrupting each other. He relaxed a little as the girl and Phil petted him. Her fingers were cold, but her touch was nice, and he licked at them. When the male came Winston could tell at once that he and Phil came from the same litter, he was even more similar to Phil than Dan was.

The humans ate together at the table, with Winston sitting on the floor between Dan and Phil and occasionally making whimpering sounds to get a bit of food. Phil was much better about giving it than that Dan was, which resulted in him lying down at Phil’s feet. After dinner, they sat down on the floor around a low table and got out colorful boxes with games in them, the smell of wine permeating the air.

Winston settled down between Dan and Phil, occasionally feeling their hands petting him and rubbing at his ears. This was so different from the cage-place. There it had always felt cold, he had been behind bars, and Maggie didn’t even come to see him every day. Here these humans never left him except for at the night, and even then he was in a big warm room with blankets and lots of things to explore. He fell asleep feeling warm and contented.

When it was properly dark the strangers went away after petting Winston and giving him a treat. “That wasn’t too bad was it?” said Dan as he crouched on the floor in front of him. “You were really good.”

‘We should take him out,” said Phil, and Winton heard the click of his leash. He ran to him, wagging his tail.

Outside the night was cold and brisk. He ran as far as his leash would allow and peed against numerous corners. Dan and Phil were walking slowly behind him pressed close together. “I should have brought a hat, it’s freezing-“said Phil as he buried his hands inside the pockets of his coat.

“Well you can run around with him, that’ll warm you up.”

“In the dark? I’d break my neck.”

“Just saying,” said the other.

Winston skipped backs towards them as they circled the courtyard one more time. “We have to take the picture tonight,” said Phil. “Do you think we should brush him or something?”

“Nah, he looks good scruffy.”

When they went back into the house he could tell at once something was happening. They were both moving around as if looking for things. He stayed by the door, looking at them, his head cocked to the side. These were very strange humans, he decided. They didn’t go anywhere. They spent all day with him, and all day with each other. It was very surprising. He had never known humans could do that. He had thought that they were all like Donna and Maggie, they came in for a while, but then they always had to be somewhere and leave you.

When they both came back into the room they were smiley. “Should we take one altogether, or just of him?”

“Both,” answered Dan as he took a seat cross legged in front of the tree with lights. “Come here Winston,” he said, and obediently Winston came, wagging his tail and hoping to get another treat. There were lots of treats around here apparently. But instead Dan put his hands on his neck and began loosening his collar. He gave a little bark. “It’s okay, you’re just getting a new one, you have to match the aesthetic,” he explained calmly as Winston struggled against him.

Finally they got the new collar on him. It wasn’t very comfortable but Winston was sued to it. He tried to pull at it, but stopped when Dan began massaging his ears again. That was good. He put his head on the human’s lap and let him continue.

“Awww that’s precious.” Phil squatted a few feet away and took a picture of them.

“You have to be in it too!”

“I know, but you guys look cute together.”

“Phil,” Dan whined.

They sat beneath the tree together, moving Winston around, and moving their hands so that he looked up at their phone. They took many pictures, some with him between them,some with him sitting on Dan’s lap, both of them smiling and giggling and warm. Winston had no idea what was happening frankly, but it was kinda fun nonetheless.

Afterwards they moved away and he tried to follow but they told him to sit. They took more pictures of him underneath the tree, telling him he was a good boy and giving him treats. His tail was wagging, he had never gotten this much attention in his life. These were nice humans he thought as he licked crumbs off of the palm of Phil’s hand.

“He’s really like perfect, isn’t he?” said Dan as he looked through the pictures they had just taken. “Look at him, god they’re gonna die tomorrow.”

Phil put his arm around him. “If they can’t survive tomorrow there’s no way they’ll make it through next year.” His kissed Dan’s cheek and brushed back a loose curl. Dan leaned against him, resting his head on his shoulder and closing his eyes. Winston had never seen humans cuddle like this; he walked up and made himself a little space between them.

“Wow, cockblocked again. He really needs to be the center of attention doesn’t he?”

“Mmmm, I wonder who he takes after?”

“Ugh, shut up,” said playfully elbowing him. “We have to walk him.”

“It’s cold,” complained Phil, making a pouty face.

“Oh come on, you said you wanted a dog.”

“I do, but, it’s cold.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Fine, I’ll take him.”

“Thanks, I’ll wait for you in bed.”

“Naked and stretched I hope.”

Phil’s eyebrows shot up. “If that’s what you want.”

Instead of answering Dan leaned down and kissed him again before walking towards the door. Winston stayed in Phil’s lap until he heard the jingle of his leash and then he ran to Dan. He felt it clip on his collar, and then he was in the crisp cold air, and there were snowflakes coming down again. They walked in a circle around the courtyard, he saw a squirrel and a little girl at a window, and behind him Dan was humming something.

When they were almost back at the apartment he leaned down and petted Winston, ruffling the snowflakes off of his fur. “I’m glad you have a home for Christmas.”

Winston cocked his head. He did not know what his human was saying, but his tone was soft.

He petted Winston’s ears. “Having a home is so important. Having somewhere that you always feel safe, and good.” Dan smiled and the little marks appeared on his cheeks. “It feels even better with you here. It feels complete.” He laughed. “I can’t believe we waited so long.”

Winston wagged his tail, he hoped this was an appropriate response. Dan stood up again and they walked back into the warmth of the apartment. The leash was hung up, and his human rubbed a towel on him to get him nice and dry finally he brought him back to his sleeping room.

“Goodnight Winston, see you in the morning.”

It was hard for Winston to sleep. First of all there were odd noises coming from upstairs, he barked at them but they didn’t stop. Second of all he had eaten too much, and he wasn’t sleepy. He ran around the room a while, jumped on the big human bed, dived underneath the pillows and threw them on the floor. He scratched at him door, and rolled on the floor in front of it making whining sounds. He was bored. He was not tired. None of his toys were here. He dove under the bed and hit his head against the frame, letting out a little howl. He ran to shake the pain off. It was not too bad, but it had been a surprise. He jumped on the bed again and then jumped down, finally returning to scratching at the door. He let out a long whine, and rested his head on his paws. Where were his humans? It had been a long time. Had they forgotten about him?

What if they had gotten hurt? Those noises earlier had been very weird, they could be hurt noises. He whined again. He wanted to see his humans. He wanted to feel Dan’s warm hands on his ears, and hear Phil’s soft voice. They were nice humans. Not that Maggie wasn’t nice, but she had never spent so much time with him. He scratched at the door again. What if they’d never come back? He raised his head and howled.

A few moments later he heard noises. He stopped and perked his ear up. His humans were coming. He could hear them on the stairs, and then the creak of the floorboards, and then he stepped back as the door opened. Dan and Phil were standing in front of him. Dan was almost naked except for tiny tight black shorts, and Phil was wearing glasses. They looked at him, and then around the room. “Is something wrong Winston,” said Dan as he extended his hand for him to sniff.

Winston bound up to them. He licked his finger, looking up at them with big dark eyes.

“I think he’s just being a drama queen.”

“But he’s never been like this before, he’s never been loud.”

Phil petted him, and Winston felt calm all of a sudden. They hadn’t forgotten about him. They weren’t hurt. They hadn’t gone anywhere. He felt relief as Phil played with his ear. “Today was kind of different. I mean we had people over, we gave him a lot of treats. Maybe he has like a sugar rush or something?”

“From dog treats?”

“I don’t know.”

Dan crouched, and Winston let both of them pet him. They were quiet for a moment. “He really made a mess of this place.”

“Well at least he doesn’t pee anywhere.”

“True.”

“Hey, maybe he knows it's Christmas.”

“What?”

“Yeah, maybe he knows it’s Christmas morning and he doesn’t wanna be all alone,” said Phil.

Dan narrowed his eyes. “He’s a dog, he doesn’t understand holidays.”

“Oh, come on, how else are you gonna explain it.”

“Agh,” Dan rushed and rolled his eyes. “Are you saying you want him to sleep with us?”

Phil gave an innocent shrug. “Why not, he clearly doesn’t wanna be alone, and we already had sex.”

Dan groaned again and shook his head. “Okay just for tonight, and because I’m cold.”

“Yes!” said Phil triumphantly as he threw his arms around Winston.

A second later the humans stood up, Winston gave a little whine as they moved towards the door again but they didn’t close it behind them. “Come on Winston,” said Phil, and at once he began following them. They went up the stairs into one of the doors that had always been closed before.

He had never been in this room. It was big and dark, with an odd natural smell in the air and a very large bed. The boys closed the door after him and then got into bed. “You have to wash the sheets tomorrow,” said Dan as he got into the left side and immediately wrapped himself up.

“Fine,” said Phil as he patted the foot of the bed. “Jump up,” he said looking at Winston.

He knew those words, and jumped into a comforter so soft that he sunk into it a little.. It smelled like his humans. Phil took ooff his glasses and left them on the nightstand. Winston watched them as they lay there, and then he moved to a spot between their legs. He could feel them underneath the blankets, warm and human. He curled up. This was better. A much better way of sleeping, he thought as he closed his eyes. This way he knew that his humans were safe, and that they wouldn’t forget about him.

He opened his eyes a few minutes later when he heard Phil move. He was leaned over Dan and kissed softly at his shoulder. “Merry Christmas.”

“It’s four AM, I’m trying to sleep Phil.”

“I’m trying to be cute.”

Dan groaned. “Be cute in the morning will you.”

“Fine,” he lay back down and closed his eyes.

The whole world seemed dark and calm. Winston liked hearing them breath. He liked how they smelled, and the warmth between them. And within a few minutes he had fallen asleep.

There was a little ray of light falling in between the heavy curtains at the window. Winston watched it stretch across the floor for a while as his humans slept. He grew impatient, and jumped off, stretching his body and shaking his limbs as he explored the room. There were a lot of things. Clothes and shoes, and books and movies. It was all very interesting, especially the shoes. They had been in a lot of places that Winston had never but he ran back when he heard someone someone shuffle on the bed.

Dan had flipped over onto his back and was staring at the ceiling. Winston hopped up in bed next to him and Dan half-jumped up. “Oh, I forgot you were here, Phil’s such a snake,” he said as he petted him.

“I am not, he was a good boy,” said Phil groggily as he too sat up. “He didn’t make a peep after we brought him here..”

“Well that’s true enough,” said Dan, rubbing as Winston’s tummy as he stretched on the bed on top of him. “But Phil didn’t know that, you could have been a devil and kept us up the whole night.”

“Don’t talk that way about our baby.”

“I’ll talk however I please.”

A second later they stopped petting him and Winston looked up disgruntled to see they were kissing again. He gave a little bark, but they didn’t stop. “Merry Christmas Dan.”

“Merry Christmas Phil.”

They embraced, and Phil made a contented little sigh. “Our tenth Christmas together.”

“Yeah, we’ve had a lot now, and they’re just kinda getting better.”

Phil laughed. “I’m glad we’re both feeling like that.”

They were looking at each other and Winston felt something, in their air, like electricity. He barked to remind them that he was still here. “I guess our traditional Christmas morning blowjobs will have to wait now that we’re parents.”

“Ugh, the sacrifices we make for you Winston,” said Dan with a laugh as he got out of bed. Phil put on his glasses, and Dan put on clothes and then they went downstairs, Winston following at their heels. They went for a walk together. It was still quite early in the morning, and there was some snow on the ground. The air felt fresh and clean. And he bounced around them as they walked through the neighborhood. By the time they got home he was tired and eager to get his breakfast, which Dan poured out into his silver bowl while Phil made some coffee.

They ate breakfast on the couch and Phil gave Winston some bacon when Dan wasn’t looking. They watched anime together for a while, and then Dan and Phil both took out their laptops and phones. They looked like they were concentrating very hard. “Alright, it’s all ready I think, I have a tweet, an insta story, and a main pic, you?”

“It’s taking me forever to choose the right filter.”

“Dan.”

“Okay, okay, I guess I’ll go with this one,” he held up his phone to show a picture of Winston underneath the tree, his head cocked to the side, his eyes big and loving, and the lights in the background making his fur glow.

“Aww that’s better than mine.”

“But yours has all of us together.”

“I know but your filter is better.”

“That’s because I spent thirty minutes picking it out,” said Dan as plucked Phil’s phone from his hands. He fidgeted with it for a moment before handing it back to him. “Better.”

“Yeah definitely.”

“Okay, then,” he turned towards Winton who was on the floor beneath them. “Winston, get ready to be internet famous,” he said as he clicked send.

Later it became hard for Winston to remember everything that happened before. He knew that he had lived in a box, and slept under rain. He had been cold and hungry. He knew there had been a cage-place, full of other animals, and a nice girl called Maggie. But those things didn’t feel real anymore. Real was Dan and Phil. It was their apartment, and their smell, and the sound of them kissing. It was the way he slept between them every night, even though Dan complained about it, and the way their big hands felt as they petted him.

This was his forever home and everything that came before it well, that just wasn’t important anymore.

#the first and possibly only time I have ever met my own deadline #I feel acomplished #dan and phil #Christmas fic #dnp #phanfiction #one shot #dog fic

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drferox · 6 years

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20 Questions with Dr Ferox #23

Whelp, time for another blast of 20 questions and comments from the inbox. If you were brave enough to use your username I’ve tried to tag you (Thanks Tumblr) but if you were on anon, you’ll have to look yourself.

Would you folks be interested in me answering these sort of short questions in a video instead? Let me know in the replies. Now here we go!

Anonymous said: do u play mobile games on your phone, like animal crossing pocket camp? :O

No, should I? I haven't heard much about it.

@trisaratops45 said: Dr. Ferox, First off I just started following your blog and love it! I'm stuck using mobile so I can't see your faq information. I was just wondering if the clinic you work at sees any exotic or pocket pets? Of so what is your favorite to see and treat? Thank you!

Welcome! We don't see a huge amount of exotics at my clinic, we're not well set up for them, but ferrets are probably my favorites.

Anonymous said: do you follow any medblr blogs? and if you do, are you ever like 'thank goodness i don't have to deal with that' or 'man i wish it was that easy'? question tax: what is your favorite depiction of dragons from fantasy media

I actually had to go check which blogs I was following. No active medblr blogs in the list anyway. I often see real clients, in the flesh, and think 'Im glad i don't have to deal with that', especially when they describe to me their own gross medical problems as though I want to know exactly what's coming out of their orifices. All dragons are good dragons. I don't think i could pick a favorite.

@the-noble-banana said: What style of nail clippers are best for trimming a cat's claws?

Whatever you're comfortable with. I like these ones

Anonymous said: Do dogs get acne? Is that a thing? Just curious! Question tax: if you could shoot something out of your finger, what would it be?

They can get comedones with certain hormonal conditions (black heads) and can get pimple-like lesions with skin infections. I would shoot icy cold water out of my fingers. Great for hot days, and for stupid faces.

Anonymous said: Do you typically bandage and cover amputations? At the vet I worked at (I was only kennel so everything I saw was in passing) every animal who had limb amputation left after a day or two with the incision fully bandaged. My dog had her hind leg amputated and the vet (different one) had her in and out in under three hours and sent her home unbandage. Just out of curiosity is it case by case that you decide to bandage? Gave my mom a little heart attack seeing her all bloody and swollen

We might but a light dressing over them, but in an amputation of anything more than a toe there's often not much to bandage. Limb amputations are typically very high up the limb in dogs and cats and it's hard to bandage something in that position. Also, sometimes dogs eat the dressing.

@crimsonrose95 said: I'm not vet med, but I am into chemistry and physical sciences and the ask talking about chemistry being inconsistent is so weird a thought to me. Biology is way less consistent than chemistry like chemistry is mostly math with elements and compounds while biology is mostly names. It's just really interesting how most people start to think a science they don't like and have trouble in is just the science being completely inconsistent to them. Me included.

I get what you mean. Chemistry has a fairly distinct set of rules, even if they're rules you've not encountered outide of chemistry before. I was never a fan of physics, but it is consistent. Biology likes to bend rules. Life finds a way.

Anonymous said: Why does my cat yell when I try to use the bathroom alone? Question tax: what's your favorite thing about Australia?

Possibly he thinks you need moral support? Or that there's demons in there. My favorite thing about Australia is our universal healthcare system and gun control.

@foxtrottarts said: How common is dewclaw removal in dogs, and what are the benefits/downsides?

Hind dewclaw removal is relatively common at the time of deseing, if they're the sort that flop all over the place and lack a boney attachment. Front dewclaws are usually left, unless removed for a medical reason. I've written about it before here. https://drferox.tumblr.com/search/dewclaw

Anonymous said: Can a dog still have the MDR1 gene if they have never reacted to those drugs in the past (lets says a dog that has regular flea prevention of selemectin)

If the dog has only had a popular flea product containing selamectin but has never had ivermectin, yes they could still have it. MDR1 dogs typically don't react to that product, nor do they react to the annual heartworm injection.

Anonymous said: Hello, I had a question as google only takes me but so far, and the results were iffy at best since it's difficult to locate a vet or someone in a position who would know the answer. How much of a danger is animal or human saliva to pet birds? Some people say kissing the bird, or having another pet such as a dog lick/groom them is an issue, but I'm just lost on if any is true, and would love to find the answer. Thanks a ton in advance since it's all pretty confusing.

It is a potential issue. Carnivore saliva contains many bacterial species that can be devastating to birds or other mammals even through relatively small abrasions. Carnivores should not be permitted to interact with prey species and birds. Cats are especially risky because they're so pointy and because they effectively coat themselves in saliva when grooming. You can find some more information here.

Anonymous said: Hi Dr. Ferox, we recently had to put our cat down due to health issues. We're pretty sure he had FIP as the last week of his life he had every symptom but one. A website we saw said the virus can live in the environment for weeks afterwards and I was wondering if you knew any sort of approximate time. We aren't ready for another cat yet but occasionally foster a kitten and don't want to bring one into the house and have it get sick

I typically reccomnd 4 months, and replacing bedding, litter trays and food dishes. While you are probably fine with 3 months, given the incurable and devestating nature of FIP (Feline Infection Peritonitis) I prefer to err on the side of caution.

@kumoi-no-hikari said: I got a couple rats a few months ago and the lady I bought them from mentioned that most vets don't know much about rats and will probably do more harm than good unless the situation is extreme. Is that true? They haven't had any issues, but I'm worried about traumatizing them or wasting money if they ever have a problem.

Some vets will certainly be better equiped or more interested in treating rats than others, but you'll only know if you call around and ask them. If they're not keen on seeing rats, they might know somebody who is. I think saying 'most vets don't know X' is unfair when you look at the diversity of vets in the world. Call around, plan for the worst ahead of time.

Anonymous said: Do you know how taxidermy works? I plan this route for my cat when she's passes, do I have to contact them before the body stiffens or position her first?

No idea. But I would contact them well in advance incase they have waiting lists or something. But I would think very carefully about whether taxidermy of a pet is something you definitely want.

Anonymous said: Hey there! What’s your favorite brand of stethoscope?

The Littman is what I use and have been very happy with my Classic II.

Anonymous said:Our poodle mix loved grabbing a mouthful of food then running to the living room to eat it - not necessarily to be near us, he just would eat over carpet. Sometimes we'd rearrange the living room so it wasn't a direct shot from the dining room and he'd still run around the furniture to eat there. He also once pooped one piece on each stair when we were gone all day for some unfathomable reason.

There is so much that could be going on there, but since you didn't seem to ask a question I'm not sure what you'd like me to say.

Anonymous said: On the topic if dog eating things they shouldn't. A shitzu swallowed the end of a large chew bone whole and when she puked It up it was about the size of my fist.

Little dogs often seem to overestimate what they can safely eat. Westies seem to be the worst for this though, and are a common breed to see for stuff getting stuck in their oesophagus.

Anonymous said: About people thinking vets are scammers, my family was so bad with this when I was a child. I remember I had a sick kitten, I was around 8, it had some lung issues and I begged and cried to vet it and my dad said "pray really really really hard to God every hour, and maybe he'll bring a miracle!" and the cat died the next day :( I get so LIVID when people refuse taking their pets to vets for stuff that cannot wait. Makes me wanna slap those people senseless!

Your Dad sounds like a lazy asshole and a cheapskate. Even if god existed, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't appreciate being dialed up for a miracle like a pizza delivery.

Anonymous said: i just wanted to tell you that i recently adopted an older orange tabby cat (dsh) and he is large. like not just fat (which we are working on), but unusually tall and long. like. maine coon size. he has so far used his size to swipe bacon off a kitchen counter and remain an effective roadblock. he's very calm and sweet, i love my big fat baby.

Congratulations on your new addition! I'm sure your big orange boy loves you back too.

@mise-en--place said: Thought you might appreciate this. We got records on a cat today and on a previous visit they stated; "BCS 5/9. Cat appears to be about 7lbs through the gloves and towel." We got a good laugh, cat was actually quite calm for her visit.

I received a history for my old cat Dippa who had once very badly bitten this other vet that only said "Appears healthy in cage. Vaccinated in cage. Dr Ferox is welcome to come and perform a dental on her own cat any time she likes." I took that to mean "I'm not touching this hellbeast. You deal with her."

#20 questions #dr ferox #veterinarian #vetblr #animal death #death #pet death #taxidermy

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kingfallshistoricallibrary-blog · 6 years

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Episode Four: Wolves Gone Wild

[Podcast Theme]

[King Falls AM music]

Ben: Top of the hour here at King Falls AM, at 660 on the AM dial. And we’re live here on this crisp King Falls evening. It’s a full moon, and you know what that means so be careful out there. It’s 4 am on the dot and as per instructed by Merv, the station manager, we will be-

Sammy: You’re really gonna play that?

B: Oh, look who’s talking again, everybody, Sammy Stevens, ladies and gents.

S: Very funny, Ben. You know we’ve played this apology enough, lets just get back on track, how about it?

B: Gotta do it.

*tape starts*

S: Hello, this is Sammy Stevens, and I’m sitting here with Ben Arnold, your cohost of King Falls AM *record scratch*

S: No! We aren’t doing this Ben.

B: Sammy, I’m gonna have to file a report if we don’t play this apology at the top of every hour.

S: Write it up.

B: I don’t want to!

S: Then don’t!

B: Sammy? Can we talk about this? Folks, we’re just gonna take a quick break for-

S: No break, no apology, you wanna play that tape?

B: No, but we have to.

S: Fine. You know what, we’ll do this one live kids, and uh, boy are you in for a treat.

B: I don’t know if I-

S: So there’s a note on the board when we came in. We’re to record an apology to you, the dear listeners and residents of King Falls.

B: Merv simply asked that we apologize for...creating a controversy at the 55th annual-

S: We talk about the news here. Relevant subjects that affect this town. What we don’t do, *wry laughter*, what we would never do, is apologize for trying to cover a breaking news story. A dead body at a public event that King Falls AM is covering is news.

B: Maybe Mayor Grisham went a little overboard kicking us out, I’m not saying he-

S: If I owned the station, if I owned the station I’d go after him. I mean, why isn’t Merv mad at Grisham, why is this on us? Have you even met Merv, Ben?

B: Yes. I mean, not in person, but, look, we have a show to keep on track. In a few minutes we’ll be speaking with both of the winners of the 55th annual bass tournament.

S: How about this, how about we open up the phone lines and talk about how the good Mayor Grisham is strong arming the media- *static*

Announcer: This Sunday evening at 7pm, we say goodbye to long time host of King Falls Sewing Corner, Esther Rollins, the way she would have wanted us to.

Esther Rollins: Talking about life, talking about love, and crocheting a mean doily while we’re at it.

A: While we will all miss Esther’s sweet stitchery tips and needlepoint mastery, we’ll miss Esther even more.

ER: We’ll darn your socks and maybe even darn your men to heck while we’re at it.

A: We’ll reminisce and play clips from Sewing Corners illustrious 24 year run. As well as a live music tribute from Esther’s favorite band.

*heavy metal music*

ER: Oh I just love these boys. All Possible States. Always remember, bad times never last, but badasses certainly do. We’ll see you soon King Falls.

A: Hopefully not too soon, Esther. 7pm, this Sunday. Help us say goodbye to King Falls most bitching granny.

*heavy metal music*

B: I didn’t cut you off Sammy!

S: Real mature, Ben.

B: You were looking right at me, I didn’t even touch the board. And you know Esther Rollins was slated for 4:32 am. I’d never-

S: Oh, okay, it must have been General Abilene, right?

B: You know he’s in Sweetzer Forest. Sheesh. Can’t we just take some calls, you’re killing me. Line six.

Cecil: Benjamin Arnold, Mr. Sheffield here. Why’re you on the radio?

B: Crap, bass tournament winners were scheduled for two minutes ago, uh, I’m gonna call the other.

S: Oh, so we can talk about the tournament, we just can’t talk about the dead body.

B: Sammy!

S: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mr. Cecil Sheffield to the show, cowinner of the 55th annual King Falls bass tourney.

B: It’s great to have you Mr. Sheffield.

C: It’s good to be talking to you fellas too. Ben, how’re your grades holding up this year?

B: Uhh...I’ve, *nervous laughter* I graduated already, several years ago.

C: No more late papers this semester Mr. Arnold!

S: Yeah Ben, no more late papers.

B: For those of you who don’t know, Mr. Sheffield was my history teacher at King Falls high school. Shouldn’t he be retired by now?

C: *singing* Rising mists, the gold and orange, grandly into the blue, reaches our dear alma mater-

S: *clapping* There you have it folks, Mr. Cecil Sheffield, winner of this year’s King Falls idol.

C: Go Falls! I really love talking to you guys.

B: And we...love talking to you.

S: How about we talk about the big win at the tournament, huh, you split the grand prize, $500 and a bass boat, is that correct?

C: Oh, it was awesome. Standing up there at the podium with my good friend Hershel. I’m happy to share the prize with such a great man. I haven’t gotten a chance to use the new boat-

B: And we’ve got Hershel Baumgardner.

S: Sorry to cut you off, Cecil, Hershel you’re live on King Falls-

H: You usurping, unsportsmanlike, son of a b**** filth. I know all of you were colluding against me this year. It’s a conspiracy!

S: I’m sorry, what now Mr. Baumgardner?

H: You know exactly what I’m talking about, big city!

B: We actually don’t Mr. Baumgardner.

H: Don’t mouth off to me you conspiring little bag of d****!

S: Hey, hey, Hershel, no one is conspiring against anybody here! You should be happy right now, this is what, your fourth time winning the tournament? Granted, lets be honest, the cadaver should probably give this one an asterisk.

B: 1989, 1992, and now back to back titles in 2014 and 2015, you're the first ever to have four titles!

H: Well, when you put it like that...I guess...I never thought of it that way...I was just so red faced about someone poking a hole in the bottom of my boat right after I caught my last fish. Old Cecil wouldn’t have come close if some boob stain hadn’t messed with my damn boat.

B: Kingsy got you!

H: It wasn’t Kingsy. That serpenty little b***.

C: Is that Hershel? How you doing buddy? I miss you. Why you don’t answer when I call?

H: Cecil! You cheating dog pecker, I’d knowed it was you that sunk my battleship, you couldn’t stand to have me win all by myself this year, you limp d*** drunkard!

B: Uh ha, we’re gonna have to ask you to watch your language, Mr. Baumgardner.

H: Now you listen here you motherf******- *dial tone*

S: Hello?

B: Sorry, Sammy, Merv’s already not happy, lets not have the FCC join him.

S: You know you’re getting real good with that dump button trigger finger tonight Ben. B: I told you I didn’t dump you. Hershel, yes, but not you.

S: You, *laughs*, you were so right about this full moon tonight Ben.

B: This is a nightmare.

S: Hey. I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have gotten so fired up.

B: You and Hershel both. You know how hard I work on this schedule? Don’t...puppy dog eye me, Sammy!

S: Hey, I’m just trying to ice this apology cake buddy.

B: 6:20, you buy me a stack of pancakes at Rose’s Diner, and we’ll call it even.

S: Sounds like a plan. So, you’ve heard our story King Falls, now let's hear-

B: Good grief, we’ve got line two, he’s in a panic.

S: Aren’t we all? You’re on the air with Sammy and Ben, what can we-

Archie: No time for pleasantries, I need the law!

B: Sir, uh, 911 is probably your best bet.

S: Or maybe tweet Troy and #kingfalls911, I dunno.

A: You silly Sally’s, I’ve already called the deputy is on the way, but I’m having a terrible night and I don’t appreciate the two of you making it worse.

B: Wait, is this Archie Simmons?

A: The one and only.

B: Is there something wrong down at the Pomchi Palace?

S: Pomchi? What the hell is a pomchi?

A: Oh my god, read a book Sammy

B: It’s a dog breed, half pomeranian, half chihuahua.

S: Oh. So, Archie’s a professional dog breeder?

A: Best bitches in the tristate area!

B: That’s their motto.

A, to the dog: That’s a good baby, daddy loves you. Oh, what’s that, that angry mean werewolf violated you? Don’t you worry, daddy will make him pay!

S: Did he just say werewolf?

A: You bet your bottom dollar I did.

S: Ben, I...I can’t.

B: Tell us what’s going on, Archie.

A: Well, I live off of route 72, damn near out of town. It’s usually nice and quiet except for those damn trashy rednecks and their trailer park every damn Saturday night.

B: But, tonight it’s not nice and quiet?

A: Hell no! I woke up to the most god awful squalling. I mean, it sounded like a freight train hit a barrel of screaming billy goats. Half a step below a damn eight *** bottle rocket.

B: That is vivid.

S: Dare I say, was it a half man half wolf?

B: Good job Sammy.

S: Please don’t encourage this.

A: It was so terrible a noise. I thought I might have dreamed it, but then I heard it again.

S: Go on.

A: So I threw on my slippers and went running towards the back of the house. And I’m scared, because I just paid, well I paid a bundle, for a couple of these new pomchi bitches. So I’m worried that maybe Rufus, that’s my labradoodle-

S: Labrado-

B: Labrador poodle mix.

A: Dammit, google it fellas, and keep up! I’m worried that Rufus has maybe snuck in the backyard and roughed up the new pomchis, so I rush towards the back, and Rufus is in the Florida room, just a growling mind you, so it wasn’t him. So I burst open the back door and what do I see?

B: What, uhh, what did you see?

A: I see a half man, half dog bent over hunching the hell out of my $2400 Princess Von Barktooth.

B: Not Princess Von Barktooth!

S: Okay, so you run outside in your slippers and you see some skeezy pervert and he’s got your dog.

A: In the biblical sense! But the man was a werewolf.

S: Are we really talking about wolfman werewolves here? I’m sorry, Ben.

A: You shouldn’t be sorrying to Ben, he’s not the one who’s been sodomized by a damn man wolf. And now I gotta stay up all night watching the princess and dealing with the law. Lord knows I’m worried that leads to long term emotional distress or worse. And we can just throw out winning the Westminster trophy. That was not in our five year plan!

B: I have to...what was the five year plan?

A: Princess Von Barktooth is supposed to fall in love with another purebred pomchi who sweeps her off her feet, holds open all the doggy doors for her, and shares all his treats. Isn’t that right little princess? *barking*

S: This is just silly. I mean, it was obviously just a creep with serious issues, not a mythical-

A: Are you calling me a liar? *howling in the background* I saw that abomination with my own two baby blues.

B: Sammy likes to look at these paranormal events from all angles, Archie.

A: Well the angle that I saw it at was a g-d crime against humanity and dogmanity alike. The beastman looked at me, evil in his eyes, and desire in his heart, tossed my princess like a ragdoll, howled at the moon like the wretched demon that he is, and scampered off.

B: Uh, Archie, have you had issues with the werewolves before?

A: Oh my gosh who hasn’t? Old Dylan ‘Hillbilly’ Baxter used to pepper buckshot those chicken thieving shapeshifting sons of bitches.

S: Brass tacks here, is Princess Von Barktooth okay?

A: Needless to say, we’re more than a bit shaken by this turn of events.

S: Have you looked into silver bullets? Ebay, Amazon Prime?

A: You come out here the next full moon you sassy Sally, and I’ll show you more werewolves than you can shake a d*** at. *sirens in the background* Oh, I just heard deputy Troy pull up, I gotta go boys. *hang up sound*

B: Uh, thanks for letting all of us know that there’s been some activity on the wolf front Archie.

S: This is just too much. Look, stay safe Archie, listening public. I’m not saying that there’s werewolves on the loose-

B: There are.

S: Ben. Everyone stay safe, there’s definitely something in the air tonight.

B: Oh no. Sammy, can you take line one?

S: Do I even wanna ask?

Finn: Sammy! Ben! It’s bad. It’s real bad, y’know?

S: Are you alright, Finn?

F: I didn’t even see him coming! Must have ran headlong into the truck on my blind side.

S: Who did? What’s going on?

B: Finn hit a dog, off route 72.

S: You’re f***ing kidding me.

F: This poor little guy, I feel so bad, y’know? Actually, he’s not that little…

B: Finn, are you still in your truck?

F: Oh yeah, but I stopped it when I hit the fella. I’m shaking something awful here.

S: I think you should start the truck up and just keep on moving.

F: I think he’s still alive. I’m gonna have to do the right thing and check this out Sammy.

B: Sammy’s right-

F: I’m outside the truck, heading back towards the pooch.

S: Get back in the truck Finn! Uh, y‘know, because it could be a coyote or something, not a were, y’know.

F: Oh my, this poor fella don’t look too good. This looks, WHOA NOW!

B: Move your maple loving ass Finn!

F: It’s too late, running at me boys! What f***?

S: Finn? Finn?

*wolf noises, Finn struggling, more noises, and a howl that is soon echoed in the distance*

6 notes · View notes

rosemac · 7 years

Note

Dennis comes home from North Dakota after a fight with Mandy - Mac picks him up from the airport and Dennis doesn't want to talk about it - they end up holding hands but They Don't Speak Of It after that

Elbows perched on the bar’s dirty countertop, Mac squints at the text gleaming from his phone. He blinks twice and then reads the words again, just to be sure.

“Goddamnit, Charlie,” Dee curses from behind the bar, one hand grasping a cloudy drink that looks as if it’d been infected with tapeworm. “How many times do I have to tell you to stop putting spaghetti in the soda gun lines?”

Mac glances up from his phone to see Charlie standing beside her, one hand on his hip. “Oh, look who’s too good for a little pasta in their mixed drink,“ he mocks.

“I think it’s a great idea, Charlie,” Frank voices from where he sits to Mac’s right. “Broads dig spaghetti.”

Dee narrows her eyes, mouth parted in disbelief. “Not in their alcohol, they don’t!”

“You’re telling me you wouldn’t try a spaghetti and tonic?” Charlie presses. “Spaghetti cranberry? A Mojhetti? Really, Dee?”

“Uh, yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Those sound disgusting.”

Charlie purses his lips, head shaking in solemn disappointment. “You have no goddamn taste.”

Dee rolls her eyes as she pulls out a strand of spaghetti from the gun head and flicks it onto the countertop. Then she pauses, cocking her head in contemplation. “Well, I guess it would be pretty funny if you put some in a Highball and called it a Meatball instead,” she chuckles with a smirk.

Charlie and Frank both frown, squinting in confusion.

“That sounds like shit, Deandra.”

“Yeah that doesn’t even make sense.”

“Oh come on,” Dee whines, “How is my idea any worse than yours?”

Charlie sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Fine. Mac—what do you think?”

Mac blinks, heart racing. His eyes witnessed the exchange take place, but his mind’s been elsewhere. “Dennis is coming back.”

A familiar look of pity settles over Charlie’s face. “Hey, buddy…”

“Yeah,” Dee says with a sad cringe, “gross drinks are the last thing that’ll make Dennis come back, I can guarantee you that.”

“He’s a dick,” Frank adds, now chewing the piece spaghetti Dee left on the countertop.

Mac shakes his head. “No, I mean he’s coming back. He just texted me. Something happened with Mandy. He’s taking a flight that gets him back into Philly tomorrow night.”

The group pauses, lips parted and eyes wide.

Charlie blinks. “Like, for good?”

“Yeah,” Mac breathes. “Sounds like it.”

“That bitch, he didn’t even tell me he was coming back. I’m his sister!” Dee exclaims.

Frank shrugs. “He’s a dick.”

“Like, does he have to come back?” Charlie says. “Because I was kind of enjoying it without him around all the time—”

“Yeah it was pretty nice—”

“Less rapey—”

“Okay, okay, shut up!” Mac yells through the commotion. The gang goes silent. Mac exhales.

“Some things have been better without Dennis around, I’ll admit,” he begins, “but a lot has been worse. Like, we haven’t been able to get a scheme off the ground in weeks. The new arbitration system clearly isn’t working because everything keeps getting caught up in process. Our Yelp reviews are terrible because no one’s yelling at us to do our jobs, so customers aren’t showing up to the bar. I mean, look around—there’s literally no one in here but us!”

The gang glances across the room, which is completely empty.

“We’ve deluded ourselves into believing our lives are better without Dennis controlling us,” Mac continues, now impassioned, “but in reality we’ve been meandering around aimlessly without him, searching for any semblance of meaning in our lives because the only directive we’ve known left us. I get it, I get it, I know you’re tempted to shrug off Dennis when he returns, or scream at him for hurting us like he did, just leaving so suddenly after treating you like shit even though you put your entire heart and soul into your relationship with him. And now you go out and force yourself to make fleeting connections with others, and even though it feels good and can be pretty awesome at times, it’s not the same because it’s not Dennis. Things aren’t better, don’t you see? Dennis belongs with us. And I can tell this time apart has been difficult for him too. So maybe we should give him a second chance. At the very least we should greet him at the airport after not seeing him for so long.”

Dee narrows her eyes. “Mac, Dennis has been gone for three weeks.”

“Well, yeah, but it’s felt like forever. As a gay man I’m more in tune with my emotions, so I feel things much more strongly. Especially about Dennis, since I know him so well.”

“Oh god, this is awkward,” Dee breathes, focusing her attention back to the spaghetti-clogged soda gun.

Mac furrows his brows. “What?”

No one speaks for a few moments, eyes flicking around the room but never on Mac.

“What?” he asks again, this time louder.

“Dude, well,” Charlie starts. He reaches behind his neck to give it an awkward scratch. “This just kind of sounds like it’s about you being in love with Dennis.”

Mac’s eyes go wide, face suddenly a deep shade of red. He feels his entire body heat with embarrassment. “No no no, that’s not it. As a gay man—”

“As a gay man you want to put your junk in Dennis,” Frank interrupts. “We get it, nothin’ to be ashamed of. Except I can’t figure out for the life of me why you chose him.”

Dee sighs, placing the gun on the counter. “Yeah Mac, isn’t there another guy you can be obsessively in love with aside from my dickhead brother? It’d be so nice if we could just tell him to fuck off and never come back.”

“I’m—you guys take that back! I’m not in love with Dennis! I don’t want to put my junk anywhere near him!”

“Didn’t you tell me you were havin’ erotic nightmares about him shimmying and kissing all over you and shit? That sounds a lot like you wanting to put your junk inside him,” Frank says.

“And we all witnessed you giving him that gift on Valentine’s,” Dee adds.

Charlie nods. “Yeah that was the gayest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Mac swallows, chest heaving. He can’t handle this right now. He hasn’t even been able to come to terms with his feelings for Dennis himself, there’s no way he’s talking about this with them—

“Eh, it started way before that though,” Frank says to Dee, “Mac was always watchin’ him have sex—”

“Yeah and he always talked about Dennis’ dick,” Charlie adds.

Dee snorts. “I knew it the minute Mac agreed to live with Dennis. No one would succumb to that unless they were in love.”

Mac raises his hands. “Uh, I’m right here!”

Charlie waves, shushing him. “We’re talking.”

“Oh my god,” Mac sighs. He slides off the barstool and heads for the door.

“Hey, where you goin’?” Frank calls.

Mac turns, rolling his eyes. “I don’t know, home to fix up the apartment before Dennis comes back? His flight gets in at eleven tomorrow night. I’ll be there to pick him up. If you want to be there too, then you can show up at the airport then.”

No one else shows up at the airport.

Instead, Mac waits alone on a bench in Arrivals. The terminal is fairly empty given the time; only a few straggling travelers head toward the exit with rolling suitcases in tow. He glances at the status screen across from him and finds Dennis’ flight again.

Landed.

Knee bouncing, Mac checks his phone for what feels like the thousandth time that night. It’s 11:20 and he still hasn’t heard anything from Dennis. He wonders if his friend got into a jam somewhere, or if he had an accident on the plane, or if he’s sick in the bathroom—the possibilities were endless. With a shaky exhale Mac leans back against the bench, rubbing one hand over his face.

After he drops his hand to his lap, Mac watches with interest as more travelers begin to trickle from the gate doors. A middle aged woman carrying a toy poodle, a businessman fervently texting, a family of four with oversized carry-ons, a yawning college student—

Dennis.

Air empties Mac’s lungs. He exhales, heart pounding, then stands upright. The movement catches Dennis’ attention and he looks Mac’s way, noticing the other man’s presence. Their eyes meet.

Dennis’ expression softens—a rare sight, and it makes Mac’s stomach flip inside out—but after several seconds he diverts his glance away. He walks across the room, avoiding the other travelers around him, and returns his gaze to Mac as he slows to a stop.

Flooding emotions root Mac in position; he’s frozen, overwhelmed by Dennis’ form a foot before him. He looks terrible, Mac will admit: his button down is wrinkled and bent off kilter by the weight of his shoulder bag, his curls have begun to unwind from their quaff, and dark circles purple beneath his eyes. Part of him wants to act standoffish and rude as payback, but a stronger part of him wants completely the opposite. He’s tempted to reach across the space between them and press their lips together, pulling his tired body into his arms. The thought reminds him of yesterday’s discussion and his body immediately heats with embarrassment.

Mac’s silence is awkward now and Dennis is staring at him like he’s expecting something—hoping something, almost—so he blurts the first thing that comes to mind. “How was the flight, man?”

Dennis blinks. He shifts, adjusting the bag on his shoulder, and clears his throat. “It was fine.”

“I didn’t hear from you so I wasn’t sure if something happened—”

“Oh, well it took forever to get off the plane, and I had no service, so.”

“Ah.”

The awkward silence continues.

“Here, I’ll take that,” Mac offers, reaching out to touch the strap of Dennis’ bag.

“Wh—no I can—”

“Dude, I’m like much stronger than you, it’ll be easier for me to carry it to the car.”

Dennis purses his lips. “Alright.”

Mac slips the bag from Dennis’ shoulder, knuckles brushing against the warmth of his shirt. He hoists the heavy item onto his back and raises his brows. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Dennis breathes in response, eyes not quite meeting his friend’s.

The walk to the parking lot is just as tense: long silences, furtive glances, thick, unspoken tension that makes Mac’s skin feel like it’s on fire. When they reach the car and Mac digs into his pocket to retrieve the keys, Dennis pauses to inspect the unfamiliar BMW sedan. Once it’s unlocked, Mac places the bag in the trunk and then enters the driver’s seat. Dennis follows suit on the passenger side.

“Is this a rental or something?” he asks as he buckles his seatbelt.

Mac turns the keys in the ignition, revving the engine to life. “Nah, this is Dee’s new car. Frank bought it, of course. We got it after we—” He catches himself before he goes further and swallows.

“After what?”

Mac drops his hands from the steering wheel, turning to face Dennis as he exhales. “You see, there was an accident with your car.”

His friend’s brows rise slightly, face controlled. “What kind of accident?”

“Well, we sort of…blew it up…a little bit?”

“You blew it up?”

“Well like, emotions were high after you left and—”

Dennis sighs, eyes closed, and runs a hand through his hair. “You know what, it’s fine. I don’t care.”

“You don’t?”

“I’ll make Frank buy me another one,” Dennis murmurs as he turns away. His somber reserve is disquieting; Mac would have expected a modest display of anger at the very least. He’s half expecting his friend to turn around and start screaming, but he doesn’t. Instead he leans against the door and stares out the window with a forlorn expression.

“Yeah,” Mac says softly before putting the car in drive. “Good idea dude.”

Ten minutes of silence pass as they travel back into the city. Mac glances over at Dennis several times to check on him, and each time he’s unmoved, staring silently through the window. He knows Dennis has trouble displaying emotion at times, but this feels different.

Mac clears his throat. “Hey Dennis?” he asks.

His friend shifts in his seat but doesn’t look at Mac. “Hm,” he hums in response.

“I just…if you want to talk about what happened—”

“I don’t.”

Mac swallows, frowning as he flicks his eyes from Dennis’ profile back to the cars ahead. “Okay.”

Quiet blankets over the car once more. It’s dark save for the occasional headlight whizzing past, but the nearing city lights illuminate their features.

“I’m sorry,” Mac starts quietly, eyes on the road and one hand on the wheel. “For whatever happened, I mean. But I’m glad you’re here.”

They exit the highway in silence. When they approach the first intersection, the light turns red and Mac decelerates to a stop. The glow above sets the car in a warm haze.

Suddenly, Mac feels something warm brush against his right hand where it rests in the center console. He glances down, heart racing, and sees Dennis’ thumb caressing his skin. Mac’s lungs feel like steel as he slowly intertwines their fingers until their hands are clasped tight. He glances up—Dennis is looking at him now, gaze glassy.

Mac’s lips part in surprise, eyes flickering as they stare into Dennis’ own. His entire body pulses with warmth and in that moment he knows the gang’s accusations weren’t unfounded. He knows they’re right.

Dennis flicks his eyes away, looking ahead, and swallows. “Mac?” he asks.

Mac’s heart speeds in his chest. “Yeah Dennis?”

“The light is green.”

The spell breaks and Mac’s attention is diverted back to the road. The traffic light shines bright green into his eyes and the car behind them beeps impatiently.

“Oh,” Mac says, embarrassed as he switches his foot to the gas and starts driving. “Sorry.”

Dennis returns his gaze to the window, but he keeps his hand intertwined with Mac’s until they arrive home.

#macdennis #prompt #fic #this got long #i may put it on ao3 too #Anonymous

108 notes · View notes

devilishdewitt · 4 years

Text

Ladies of Burlesque Halloween Edition

Did Moscow’s most elegant burlesque show sizzle or sparkle in its first Halloween edition?

Follow me, and I shall tell you…

Now and forever,

~The Eternal Disclaimer~

It is hereby declared that this little nook of the world wide web shall be devoted to the praise & critique of the art of burlesque, specifically in Russia.

Let it also be known that I am first and foremost a benevolent force, and every single criticism is documented solely for the purpose of evolution, growth and inspiration, darling.

Never forget - it is fantastic that the burlesque scene in Russia has grown so much in the last few years. Brava, ladies! As a fact and a statement, it is absolutely fabulous.

However, I volunteer to wear the heavy crown of expertise, having seen many a show in many a place, and having a keen eye for detail and a heart hungry for that wow factor. I always come with an open heart, am quite easily entertained, and know how hard the craft is - I can overlook many a fault when there’s stage presence, charisma and that fire of passion. Oh, and self-irony.

All is sickly without self-irony.

Now, onwards! To fabulousness!

Falling into the familiar arms of Cafe Michel, Ladies of Burlesque is back with a Halloween twist - still sans Pavlova, regrettably.

Before we go any further, dearest reader, allow me to ask you a question:

What is Halloween?

That’s a thought that every Halloween event organiser should start with when planning such an experience. Is it a mystical Samhain ritual? A fun-filled costume party? A celebration of all things spooky?

Which route are you taking - the solemn occult? Silliness & ease? Pop culture parody? Classic horror? Proper nightmare?

As evident from the non-existent amalgamating style, this conversation never happened at the production meeting. Or if it did, it simply didn’t show.

Having already reviewed Michel, I saw nothing new. No improvements - but no worsening, either. What’s worse than worsening, though, is the lack of atmosphere. It was not created with decor, music or anything else.

The crowd was not really dressed for the occasion - perhaps because the occasion was never properly described and explained. The rules of the game were not set.

Pity. Could’ve been tremendous. The line-up is quite a thrill, darling.

This time we had two exciting guests from Saint Petersburg!

Thank you, Haunted Cathouse, for sending us something truly thrilling!

Natali Pashkof, the self-proclaimed enfant terrible of Russian Burlesque fully lived up to the title. Her Saw number was a dream - style-wise, impeccable. This is what I call a Halloween act! Flawless costume. The licking of the saw - rousingly revolting. The Widow act wasn’t as stunning as Saw, but still of decent quality. Satisfying eye contact with the audience. I wish we could’ve seen her “The Ring” act as well.

And the mystifying Vurtica! Living our Snow White Evil Queen fantasy, darling! Perhaps the most layered and strategic costume of the night. And the blood-soaked heart-shaped sponge is sheer, pure genius. The Earthy Witch was equally tempting - fantastic audience participation, magnificent costume, so well thought through. Dare I say, a sexy cauldron?…Very smart juxtaposition of the heaviness of the music and the air of the movements. I’ll be keeping an eye on this one!

Shall we move on to our familiar Moscow/Novosibirsk (ruby red) stars?

The night opened with Marie Weinberg, and I must say, improvement is evident. She is gaining the confidence that ignites her charm. And I can forgive the (again) ill-fitting dress and meowing of the opening act - because her second entrance was a dream. Transforming from a dark vampire into an angelic temptress, she hid behind a boa of intriguing proportions - to reveal stunning diamanté details that truly showed off her hypnotising tattoos. And her hairdo is impeccable.

Still, can’t say that the singing is of a level that I find entertaining or enjoyable, but perhaps in time all will come.

Allow me to summon my witchy powers and properly curse the DJ. He did not fail to disappoint with lost cues, lack of volume awareness and overall buffoonery. Whoever hired him should rethink their choices. Or, if it was a last-minute arrangement, it goes without saying that it should never be so. If the organisers do not understand how an idiotically wrong cue can mess up the mood and the act, why are they in a position of power?

A very similar situation happened at their shows several times before.

Ladies! Invest in a smart, sensitive, intuitive - or at least, attentive - sound gentleman. It’ll change your lives.

So a few days ago, we, the public, were offered an explanation of the difference between Bar Burlesque and the big dinner shows (God bless social media). One of the points was that it’s a taster session - to see if you might enjoy the big show.

So in theory, people who came to see the latest Bar Burlesque might’ve been in the audience for this show. That means that they saw Tamasinushka’s poster-gracing “Queen of the Forest” (we all know it’s Little Red Riding Hood, but alright) twice.

We also saw The Moon…that was on the same stage last time.

I’m afraid to say the energy was the same - lacking. Sometimes the moves were so painfully slow, you couldn’t help but wonder if it’s a tactic to make the acts longer and attempt to hide the missing intricacy of the costumes. Tamasinushka is a graceful, mesmerising eyeful, and the pearl costume was precious - but still, somewhat lacklustre in comparison to some of the other acts. Perhaps preparations for the Russian Burlesque Festival are getting the best of her.

What do you expect me to say about Katerina Sahara? Consistently flawless. She brought her winged friends with her - the exotic twerking emerald bird and the dazzling dragon. Both were impeccable. What else is there to say? True professionalism. I was especially thrilled by all the bird of paradise improvising - the lady who’s bosom was caressed seemed to be quite exhilarated by the experience. The Sugar Factory/ Twerk Bakery star kept the crowd on their toes as they craved every next move.

One of her main talents is measure. Balance. The strategy of her undressing is always faultlessly thought through.

Blanche de Moscu, you stunner. Bringing the Fire Priestess and The Admiral, she shined like she tends to do - with glorious abandon. The Fire costume got a gentle upgrade, and The Admiral stunned and entertained. To my taste, it is one of the best burlesque acts in Russia. A flawless mix of sexuality and sensuality, masculine and feminine, humour and drop-dead army seriousness. And the costume, my god, the costume!…Nostalgic in the best possible way. Nostalgic in the most modern way. She hypnotised and entertained, seduced and enthralled. A wonder of a performer!

And that glitter trick - so small, yet so powerful.

Ellisha Fox brought the Poodle act that we saw at the Real Variety Show a few months back. Even though I understand and admire the sentiment behind the act, I stand my ground - the music doesn’t fit the mood of the piece at all, and it’s not quite theatre, not quite burlesque, and remains one of most undercooked acts of our superstar.

However, Ellisha’s undercooked is still a knockout. What a gem.

The Phoenix was an exact repetition of what we saw at the last LoB show. Still more focused on the movements than anything else.

Side note - wondering why Ellisha’s appearance at Alice Shpiller’s Halloween extravaganza was so abruptly cancelled. I hope it had nothing to do with inner-burly webs and whispers, for that just ruins the party for everyone, doesn’t it, darling? Boylesque should be seen and celebrated as much as possible, and putting a seal on Ellisha as if he’s a branded asset will do no good - not for the culture in general nor the reputation of the dominating company.

Helen the Stage Bunny - yes, bunny this time! - looked absolutely gorgeous. That girl is a treasure - she’s doing a job that requires maximum attention and concentration with elegance, ease and poise, despite being the bait for every single tasteless hostess joke.

Vanilla Absolut - oh how I love a drag queen! The name is stunning, and so is the gal. She blessed us with a sensational atheist/satanist lipsync to “Personal Jesus” by Marilyn Manson (of course). Strutting her stuff in shockingly high heels, she expertly mingled with the crowd, jumped, bended in all directions and made the space her own.

The same lucky lady who got touched by Sahara got to lick the Bible! Some girls have all the luck…

Tanya Konfetki. Must I comment?

For the sake of all I believe in, yes.

She looked beautiful. So refreshing to see her well-dressed, and the head-piece was beguiling.

Still, there was no flow to her hosting.

The ending was abrupt, the humour lacked elegance, and overall it was quite…dull. At times she seemed lost before the crowd, and endless self-comparisons to Pavlova didn’t do anything for her. It’s easy to see how much she wants to be the hostess (which is probably the domineering reason why she’s on that stage), but the skills, the charm and the ease are just not there. Perhaps it will come in time. Perhaps not.

The virtual appearance of Anja Pavlova was an unexpected treat.

VERDICT

Still the most poised burlesque show in Moscow (and most likely in Russia), but then again, there’s hardly any competition.

Evolution is a process that occurs naturally, and I hope that the Ladies will steer in a glorious direction. They have everything for it.

Is St Petersburg the Russian capital of NeoBurlesque?

Moscow is yet to learn how to do justice to the harrowing beauty of Halloween.

~~~

The next Bar Burlesque is on the 15th of November - nearly sold-out. Next big dinner show is December 7-8th.

Care for a ticket, darling?

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toopunktofuck · 7 years

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we have this tiny repeat boarding dog at work, some sort of toy poodle mix, and i remembered him from last time he was here because at first, he’s extremely reactive and afraid of new people and snaps and hides in his pet carrier, but if you’re gentle with him and refuse to raise your voice even when he’s trying to nip you, he eventually starts coming out of his crate and he’s super sweet and even calm. i was literally arguing w my coworkers via his service card, trying to explain in short comments that he is merely reactive, not “nasty” because i was getting a vibe from this dog, he had this air of anxiety. As a rule I generally refuse to label a dog as nasty because it’s not like animals can regulate their emotions or help how reactive they are.

so anyway this time his chart has a big note that says new people should bring treats when they approach him because he’s a “nervous rescue pup,” my hunch was correct, so knowing this for sure now i started giving him extra attention, stopping at his room to check on him, talking to him gently and softly, using his name frequently, and oh my god, he is the sweetest dog?? he adores me now, always comes out of his crate if i pass by and say his name, he gives literal hugs and kisses (if you kiss the back of his head he turns around and gently licks you above the lip) and demands back scratches and cuddles and whines when i have to go back to doing stuff. I even saw him panting out of excitement several times and he spent a few hours outside of his crate completely, which is completely out of the norm.

anyway my point is scared, reactive dogs deserve that extra bit of attention. they are not “nasty” or “evil” (actual comments on his chart). I can only imagine he was just like that when his owner first met him and they still took him home. lord knows what happened to the poor thing before he was dumped like trash, but he still recognizes gentleness and love and is so highly appreciative of it. The little guy absolutely made my night and made a 12 hour shift someone offered to cover for me worth it.

#do not reblog////////#i do not need anyone from work finding me lol #im fairly vague about work for a reason #a lot of things are confidential

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legendbringerlove · 6 years

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In the annals of OC history, there are many losers. Ones that stick with you because of how bad they were or how rediciously overpowered they were. Some are just there because you noticed that they are basically an anthesis to EVERYTHING that the series stood for. And then you have Reisu from Sailor Titan who punched out God and sacrificed the entire world because he wanted to join his evil girlfriend (I wish I was kidding. Linkara was insane when he was 13)

And then you have...Count Logan, aka the incarnation of Beast Boy. But, rather than talk about it with you, let’s let Mykan himself discuss it.

I was hoping it wouldn't come to this as it spoils...

-The story that only 105 people have viewed, 84 have downvoted, and there is a one percent chance that one person hit the wrong button. Oh, and it’s a story that you have told at least 4 times now. Hell, I think you have told this story so much that it is outdoing the Radtiz saga as one of the most overtold things in history!

but as people are ignoring the small parts of it anyway (I may as well do this)

-Or you can wait for it to end and then explain it, but again we know the ending, we know what is going to happen.

And one last thing...

-Let me guess, it’s something that is going to make me want to laugh like a hyena?

TO HELL WITH SO-CALLED "COMMON-SENSE"

-*Laughing like a hyena pup*

(The stuff has hardly any meaning to me in this field) "Common-sense and good judgment won't save you this time... not from me."

-He does know what commen sense is, right? He does realize he basically just said, “You won’t win, because I’m a moron.”

-And now, for the hardest thing I can do on this, look at this image and try not to laugh. But it is so hard right now. I mean, look at it!!!! There is just so much wrong with it, that it isn’t even funny.

Let’s start with the color, wich is practically screaming 90s edge right now. This is all black, wich does not really stand out all that much in the grand scheme of things. Even characters like Darth Vader and Batman have some color in their athestic when they are designed. That’s because, making him pure black like this kind of just screams “Pay attention to me.” Now, a lot of the time, when the hero is meant to go rouge or turn evil, they usually will either invert their colors or wear their old costume as a cape. This is none of those thigns and is just something that makes me think of a kid trying way too hard.

Lastly, the face. Will someone please tell me where he stole it from? Because I know I saw that look before. Maybe it was done during the Titan era of Teen Titans when Dick and the others left the book or it was an unused design choice.

COUNT LOGAN: (formerly known as Beast Boy of the Teen Titans.)

-Formally known as the artist, his purpleness, and Smitty the wonder poodle.

Is an evil and very powerful interdenominational sorcerer, and is initially the primary antagonist of my fanfic,https://www.fimfiction.net/story/390095/friendship-is-failure-10--teen-titans-the-end-of-ends.

- is initially the primary antagonist of the Wii game Super Paper Mario.

Ok, with this and the “Twilight” thing back in the Lighting Dawn Page (Wich I will get to) I am really starting to think he just grabs words from the wikipedia articles and uses them.

He was reincarnated from Beast Boy to serve as a slave to The Dark Prognosticus

-*Pulls out cell phone* Hello, Nintendo?

(A powerful and evil prophetic spellbook)

-Only Mykan can take something from Super Mario and try to treat it seriously.

Garfield Mark Logan

-Hmmmm, better on this if this were only about the other four members of Titans. Only one thing to do...Research the hell out of it!!!!!

When he was 5, he got sick after being bitten by a green monkey. His parents saved him using an untested animal serum, which unintentionally mutated him green and gave his animal powers.

-It was a machine not a serum. If you are going to talk about a superhero, get your cannon straight! *Looks up* Oh, we are going animated. Well, as long as we stick to one of them, I should be fine

After that, Garfield's entire life was shaped by nothing but heartbreak, tragedy and misery!

-You know, except for the billions, the mansion, th fans, the love and affection, the...

Shortly after his mutation, Garfield’s parents died in a boating accident during a flood. An accident that still haunts him as he believed he could have prevented and saved his folks.

-Yep, stole this from the Titanstower site.

Then, his foster mother died in a tank explosion

-*looks it up on both the sites* Nope, it was foster father in a temple explosion and, wait a minute...

That’s from the freaking comics!!!!!!!

His legal guardian, Nicholas Galtry, despised the boy,

-Ok, we are going with the comics stories then? But, then this whole world will make even less sense. Because if this Dark Probobcious is as powerful as you say it is then why isn’t it being watched over by Dr. Fate? Or being burnt into cinders by John Constantine?

Hell, searching for Beast Boy and getting him a new home is now even dumber because this is the DCU, and they love their heroes!

abused him daily and plotted to have him killed so he could get the inheritance money.

Garfield ran away, but was captured by two thieves, whom abused him and forced him to do their bidding.

-Hey, mr. fanboy, you got the order wrong! It’s Temple, Theives, and then evil attorney.

That’s when the Doom Patrol came along, adopted the boy and trained him, and he because BEAST BOY.

-Well, actually it all depends on the universe. See, if you go by the cartoon, he broke into their hq and they found him worthy to be on the team. However, if you go by the ccomics, he tried to join the titans and doom patrol without telling of his guardian about his double life. However, they rejected him because they needed his guardians permission (Ok, what? So, did Dick set that up or was Roy just teasing?)

Then he was found by the titans when he was mesmerized by a ringleader to be a giant gorrila. Then he began to work with the Doom Patrol and was THen adopted by elasti-girl and steve Dayton after winning a legal battle with the lawyer. Sadly, since Doom Patrol never caught on as well as the X-men, they were cancelled in their 169th issue and were all killed with the exception of Beast Boy.

That was when he went into acting on the show Space Trek 2022 as the alien metamorph tork. However, he was the scrappy of the show and was fired. After traveling with his highschool girlfriend, Jillian (so much for Terra being the one.) he found himself back in the saddle when she was kidnapped by Arsenal (Galtry) After he kicked the bad guy’s ass, he joined Titans west along with Flamebird, Hawk and Dove, Bumblebee, and two others even I don’t know. Meanwhile his powers continued to evolve until he could only change full into his animal forms

Due to Mento’s harshness,

-He must of hated the way he made fun of his hat.

And you wonder why the X-men are the more popular of the two.

and stubborn strict attitude,

-this was when he met the titans and...oh, is he still continuing? Sorry, comic history can be fascinating sometimes!!!!!

Beast Boy felt alienated from the team and struck out on his own.

-That is copied word-for word from the wikipedia article!!!!!

Everywhere he went he was rejected and treated harshly due to his green skin,

-Pictured, total rejection

Any comic reader know who the yellow winged guy and blue black guy are?

Wait...Ok, the girl is Lillith, the guy is Vox, and the yellow dude is golden eagle.

but eventually came the TEEN TITANS, and all that.

-Ok, I think he just mixed up at least two continuties here. Worst than I do, and I have seen more superhero crap than him.

Here, Beast Boy assumed the role of a comic relief-- telling bad jokes, being mischievous—

-Wich is his character that he loves and tends to make him liked and you are-

but all this is really a mask of laughter-- he uses it to hide the pain and sadness from his life.

-Going to make it sound as depressing as possible and OOC for your story to work.

(Much like supressing the rage, but eventually it will snap)

-Or as a way to relieve stress, but I am not a psych major.

Despite the good times he had with the Titans, there were more bad times than good.

-I have been watching the show and I can tell you right now that this bullcrap!

(Most of which came from Raven’s abuse and rudeness, and her supressing her powers is no excuse)

-Yeah and then you have all of the times she was caring towards him, but go on, I am curioous to see where you are going with this *Puts head on hands)

-They don’t include him

-Don’t include him in what? His games? Cartoon watching? What?!

-they make fun of him

-And he usually fires back.

-They insult him

-Raven smacks him (even when he’s right on Trouble in Tokyo)

-Awwwwwww, poor baby, lets back up the abulance.

-When he has a good idea (an honest one) they don’t listen to him

-Because he’s usually wrong?

Then again, that’s BB’s curse: Any friend or loved one he makes will eventually die or turn on him (It’s always the same)

-Pictured, a person turning on Beast Boy

Worse, people in the city don’t seem to appreciate him much (Preferring the other Titans to him)

-Been through 13 episodes so far and haven't seen a simgle sign of that.

Girls don’t like him, he can’t hang out with cool crowds unless the Titans are with him.

-Yeah, it’s not like he has a fan club or anything.

He’s pretty much an UNSUNG HERO (A person whose heroics go unnoticed and/or unappreciated by others)

-How horrible, he is doing this because its the right thing. Oh my god, this is simply horrifying.

(So as you can see… I already have MORE than enough to make him become Logan with or without THE GIRL)

-All based on lies, misunderstanding, and tricks of the mind.

Then, along came Terra. Finally, someone who liked him just for who he was,

-Unlike that Jillian woman or the other Titans who liked him because of his...

and they had so much in common too…

-Yeah, like she enjoyed his laughter and he thought she was pretty and...and there was...she was....Um...any titans fan care to help out?

it was like they were MADE FOR EACH OTHER, and that fate was finally rewarding BB for all his years of suffering!

-Yeah, by offering him a pretty girl! Who cares about the basic stuff like life completion, friendship, and a life goal to complete it. It’s the girl that is the most important thing in existance.

But then, there was THAT STUFF…

-Like it seems that the only reason why anybody ships them is becausse they are cute.

-Terra thinking he broke his promise about her powers

-Her involvement with Slade

-Her fighting the Titans

-Her turning into stone

-aka the adaptation of Judas Contract that was actually well done!

“You were the best friend… that I ever had!” (Her final words to him before turning to stone)

-And that scene was actually well done. And Beast Boy moved on, strong that he was.

And then, came Things Change.

-BOOOM!!!!!!!

There, had to get at least one head explosion out of me before moving on.

She pretend to have amnesia and was pushing him away because she wanted to forget her past (even all the good times they had) She wants nothing to do with Beast Boy.

-You go girl!!!! Grow up and move on through the pain, we are all rooting for you.

“You’re my friend! You’re a Teen titan!”

“You’re wrong!”

…all so she can live a normal life and forget her past!

-A perfectly reasonable reaction to a horrible trauma like almost DIEING!!!!!

That is cold, cruel, extremely selfish, and very foolish as well,

-Yeah, she’s not catering to YOUR, sorry beast boy’s, needs

but it’s not like she cares that she broke his heart… perhaps irreparably!

-Pictured, an eternal broken heart

(It’s hard to find a pic of Beast boy shipped with anyone but Raven)

He didn’t deserve that, not a bit!! The little guy’s gotta have something in this world to hope for.

-It doesn’t have to be love you know. IT can be friends, family, and the future. Love is just one of the many things you can find.

What’s he got to hope for now? His one and ONLY true love ditched him…

-I know this is odd, considering I am a huge shipper but...I really hate this idea. It basically says that you have no other choice but to have the ONE perfect love in the world. You are going to have multiple loves throughout your life that you will say is perfect until you discover that the best love is the great love. Sometimes you will move on, sometimes you won’t. But there is no such thing as there is only one true love.

(Just like everyone else he ever befriended or loved die)

-You know, except for EVERYPONY ELSE!!!!

(end of BB’s origin)

-As interpited by a guy who has never read a comic before in his life.

THE DARK PROGNOSTICUS

-I do not care if this is from Super Paper Mario or how awesome it is...it still makes me think of noses!!!

After the breakup, things only went from bad to Worse. He was highly disrespected in JC

-Wich is odd, considering that this is the DCU, where they make freaking museums dedicated to their superheroes.

-The newspapers only did columns on the other Titans (Not interested with him)

-PP: Um, Mr. Jamenson, why do you only want me to pick up photos of Robin, Raven, Cyborg, and Starfire.

JJJ: PArker, everyone knows that Beast Boy photos don’t sell!!!!

-There was no BB merchandise in the stores (Just that for the other Titans)

-Man the collector’s market must be a bitch over there. Either that or every store is owned by Matell. Yes, I am still bitter about the lack of Katara figures!

-More and more BB’s favorite hangout places had changed and were not replaced (Leaving him with very little ways to go)

-Ok, now this has gone from bad luck, to conspiracy, to just plain rediciously sad.Surprised that he hasn’t said that Beast Boy’s favorite show was then cancelled, and that Sega announced it’s ending Sonic games.

As if he weren’t miserable enough, Despite the Titans trying to be sympathetic, all they really did was badger him to accept change and “MOVE ON!!”

-How dare they try and get him to get a life. Those horrible people. I can see why I am on their side and not that on the whiner’s

What the hell does HE have to move on too? The other titans have moved on from their problems.

-What? No they haven’t!!!!

-Robin and starfire are dating

-Yeah, I can see how this addresses their own individual character conflicts. It was only their romance that was important.

-cyborg is cool with who he is and people love him

-Yeah, those few scenes are all that’s needed to say that he’s fine with being trapped forever in a metal shell, unable to touch anything and is an inhuman creation.

-Raven beat Trigon, he’s no longer a threat to her.

-So totally makes up for the YEARS of truma she is acculmating.

…and BB is still losing things, as well as confidence in his team (Then again… that’s his curse: They love you, and they turn on you)

-Because you do the following...

And don't you try to tell me The Titans wouldn't do that, because THEY ARE capable of doing so, and to me, they are no exceptions. they either die or turn into jerks (Just like everyone else BB ever encountered)

-Am convinced that if you do one bad thing, that will forever taint you for life. No matter who you are, you can never change yourself for the better.

After many fights with the Titans and having a super falling out, BB quit.

-shame he didn’t stay longer, he missed out on the party they had to celebrate his farewell.

Realizing he can’t stay in JC or with the Titans anymore as they are only ADDING to his pain!

-*Imagines Beast Boy dressed in goth clothing and laughs*

Then again, where would he go?

-Titans west? Bunk with Aqualad who he had built a bond with? You know, those superheroes that you say there is no room for even though you spent time putting in the additions of the Doom patrol for no appearent reason!!!!!

He tried to go to other towns and maybe start over… again he got rejected, booed and judged harshly for his green skin and prejudice people.

-This makes no sense whatseover considering his own fandom and how many people love him.

To top it all off, the nights were cold, creepy

-Oh gee, if only he could become an animal with a lot of fur or a cold-blooded reptile.

and filled with nightmares of his past!

-The one time he ripped Dick’s comics, his nightmare about being turned into a veggie burger, that one nightmare where he is stuck in a musical and he is one of the worst human beings on the planet.

All the people he had lost, all the people he thought were his friends, all the people who wronged and betrayed him!!

-That pizza he had ordered a month ago that was lost. That comic he will never read, and of course, the lost of ms. Snugglebottom

“GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!”

-Roy: *Throws a rock* Quiet out there, I am trying to sleep!!!!

Overtaken by extreme anger, hatred, pain and sadness, Beast Boy went POSITIVELY INSANE!!

-Calm down, no need to get excited

Any bit of light and love in his heart had complete diminished after so much pain and torture!

-Ok that is it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7IxliAPjAk

Just replace the rest of the blog with this charactrer!

(Just like any human being who suffered so much for so long. Sometimes they just SNAP.)

-More like is a self entitled boob who wants everyone to kow tow to him and him alone and won’t listen to reason

The Dark Prognosticus could sense this, and Teleported to him from Raven’s room.

-Yonk!!!!!

Only someone with heart filled with extreme hatred and darkness would be able to unleash the powers within.

-Ok, so let me get this straight. With all of the powerful and black hearted villians in this world. Ones that would so easily fill the job of being the dark one that this thing craves, it picks out a lonely and sad little teen who only lost his family and girl? There are probably billions of other people out there who are suffering from the same type of thing Beast Boy is, but this one time he is going to hone in on?!

The book was now fully awake, and IT

-They all float down here gar!

had chosen HIM to be THE ONE to unlock the dark magic with in and fulfill it's dark desires.

-Garflied: Really, me? Not say someone with a whole ton of power or someone who would lead better or someone who has a blacker heart than me?

DP: Yeah, look, you are the only one who would follow orders and not stab me in the back for power.

Whether or not BB wanted to do this or not (Which he didn’t) the choice was not his!

-Why does this feel like a filmaker trying to defend the actions of his character to help with his vision?

The book was choosing HIM, and that was final!

-Yeah there it is, the it was them not my character.

No amount of will or nobility or courage could defy it.

-Can’t fix it because I am the writer and what I say goes. Look this was all cliche when Homer tried it in the Illiad!

The Book shot him dead…

-Oh, bang bang, he shot him down, bang bang that aweful sound.

(That’s how the Doom Patrol found his corpse)

-Again, billions of other people out there, but he was the one he homed in on. Then again, Beast Boy was the one who broke into his room. But you should feel sorry for the sap.

Now everything was set and ready for the book to work it’s will and put its curse in motion.

-You know what I love about this? Reading this whole thing means I don’t have to read the fic.

...

Not that I was going to anyway, kind of not really interested in his non-starfleet stuff. Well, except for the stuff I’m usng for evolution but that is another fic.

Beast Boy’s spirit and personality soon began to fade away as he was cursed and corrupted by darkness and hatred beyond imagination.

-If that is beyond imagination, then boy howdy do you have a limited imagination.

Finally, he was reborn, as an adult version of himself, an embodiment of darkness and servant to the book.

-A nega pope?

He became COUNT LOGAN

-A name so important, I had to capitalize it.

: A villain who is motivated by grief and regret!

-Never heard of that one before! It’s like the third time you made this!

(It's not because of just Terra dumping him, I think we've already COVERED that. Insist that it's just because Terra dumped him... "You're are dense")

-I empthasised this, not to say “Well, he has a point,” I am empathising the just to point out that it doesn’t really matter in the eyes of the viewer or the reader. See, if you wanted us to believe that it wasn’t just Terra dumping him, then leave out the stalking and the scenes where he gets beaten by the bullies. Leave out the bits where he is pining for her every five minutes. As it stands, it seems that it was only Terra that was responsible.

Hell, by not having Beast Boy talk about his past, all of the above you have said feels like tacked on filler to try and make it seem like it wasn’t the only thing that was affecting him.

A slave to the book,

-I would make a religion joke here, but I want to think I have more aof an appreciation for my audience.

Logan had no choice but to accept his new position fate. He could never go back to the way he was. He was created by evil to SERVE evil (Nothing more)

-and yet still has the mind and body of Beast Boy why? Wouldn’t this be a hinderance to him?

“I am doing as I was created for. These are the wishes of The Dark Prognosticus. I serve it…! This is my fate. The price I had to pay for the way things were. The way I suffered!”

-You will never understand my needs Terra! You will never understand my pain!

(Logan explaining to Terra his position)

That and he may as well use this opportunity to exact VENGEANCE on people who wronged him.

-Hmmmm, died and came back. I could explain my experiences or go on a talk show and make millions. Or I could go evil. Well, evil has cookies.

Using his new powers, Logan began to kill others to understand his might and increase his abilities.

-Understanding through death, makes sense.

He eventually Met Dr. Nekard,

-Must not break down laughing at the name. I will not break down laughing at the name.

whom became his first minion, after which, Logan used the powers of the book to create his other three minions to help him in quest.

-Let’s see, what will we need? A hot sexy general, a lackey with a special power, and a big dumb tough one.

Eventually constructing a castle to serve as their base of operations, located in a realm composes entirely of darkness

-He constructed his own freaking castle...Dude, get out of the evil business and get into evil constructing! You’ll make a mint.

(Reflecting the Count’s heart… cold… miserably… painful)

-Why is it that every description you put in is like a goth kid’s first poetry section!

and his outfit,

-Is the second lamest attempt at a costume I had ever seen and I am a sonic fan.

the way it covers his entire body is because he doesn’t wish to look upon himself (Because he was shamed and ashamed)

-So he was created by the Dark Proboscis, but he still retains enough of his sanity and will to be shamed.Methinks you are trying to have some cake and eat it too.

Poor Logan was a mess; deep down all this was still not helping him, and life itself has become a prison, always reminding him of his betrayal and heartbreaks!

Sorry but all of this talk is making me think of pennance. Aka, someone’s bright idea. Someone thought of this, thought it was cool and an interesting take on the character. Someone thought that this was an interesting take on the character.Someone thought this design was a good idea!

He hated it that other people had it better than he did,

-*A slave on Apocolpsy* Yup, having the time of my motherfucking life down here!

and he began to see the worlds and meaningless and worthless!

-Even the planet of the malls?!

However, even death itself could not solve his problems, as even in death there is no escape from the feelings of darkness.

-Exesue?

So incredibly insane, hurt and upset

-No, please go back to how he is feeling things after death.

(As well as it being the wishes of the Dark Prognosticus as well as his own fate)

-No, sop right there! You are saying an emotional impossiblity.

he realized all he could now to end his suffering was to fulfill the Dark Prognosticus’ wishes:

-I said stop! How in the seven hells are you supposed to feel remorse, sadness, and depression while you are dead? What are we using Green Lantern logic now? Because if we are, then you just invalidated a comment you made not too long ago where you said,

“I am not using the rest of the comics because there is no room for those heroes.”

He was going to get revenge by destroying everything that wronged him, took away his happiness and everything he couldn’t stand… Existence itself!

-Thanos steps in, and frowns at him, “That’s my job Logan.”

Logan: No, I’m all power ful and-urrk *Neck snap by the mad titan.*

Thanos: And that was for trying to mooch on my girl Death.

Death of the Endless: *rolls eyes* Fine, one picinic.

Thanos: YAY!!!!! *Skips away*

Before you Thanos fanboys come at me for the previous setch, let me say this...Thanos is my favorite of the Marvel Galatic villians. I make fun of him as often as I do Doom and Dr. Doom is my favorite Comic Book villian of all time.

So he turned to the pages and unleashed the greatest and deadlist spell/prohphecy

-Will someone get this guy a Thesarus...and a dictionary, because he still has no idea what deities are.

within the book, and thus, THE VOID

-~into the void~ *Starts rocking out the kiss music.

was formed which would eventually engulf the entire universe!

-Antimonitor: Hey mack, get out of my line of work *Wipes Logan from Exsitance* I swear, all of these yutzes standing in my way. Oy Vey, it’s enough to get a brain hemorage.

...

Don’t know why I made the Antimonitor Jewish on that joke.

“What have I done?!” (Logan regretting his actions)

-Ah, see this is classic “My character isn’t bad, really!” actions to try and make you think that he is ok. Here is the problem though...You just talked about how he wants to wipe out his pain and misery, you have put this all on him. You have spent the past few paragraphs into making him into a whiny putz that you don’t have sympathy for, at all.

With the prophecy now in motion, Logan felt content, but deep down he was greatly remorseful.

-I am really happy about this! But also I am vewy sad. Won’t you please pity me!!!!!!!

However, because he was a slave to the Dark Prognosticus, he couldn’t let his emmotions get to him,

-And so he-lets his emotions get to him and he goes off on a mass murdering rampage because he feels angry, hate, despair, loss, and so many other emotions.

so he continued on his path as a way of accepting his position and making the most of things.

-Made the castle into a bacherlor pad, got a hot tub, brought out some game systems, made a theater system, kind of homey actually.

To strengthen the void, Logan and his henchmen killed people and obliterated more worlds themselves to accelerate the void’s expansion.

-This was, in hindsight, really stupid as it will attract attention. He chose to do the smart thing instead and wait it out. It was long, but it was well worth it.

Logan decided Tamaran would be the first world to go, as he was angered by Starfire and Robin, and how their relationship worked and he lost Terra.

-*Bangs head* You just said that this wasn’t just about Terra!!!!!! Look, if you want us to believe that this isn’t about Terra, then leave her out of it. Remove her from this paragraph and your argument is won. Here, I’ll help!

He wanted Starfire to see and feel what it was like ot have everything you ever loved taken away from you

-There, this is all that was neeeded, but by adding in Terra you have ruined you own bleeding argument!!!

“My pain becomes your pain!”

-Here suffer you slave girl who was trapped on a station, lived with the fear of being raped, tortured, and emotionally scarred worst than I am. Feel my pain!!!!

Logan wished the Earth not be destroyed just yet (Maybe tinkered with) mainly because he still has SOME fondness of his homeworld (and Terra was on it)

-*drinks some Romulan Ale* And another thing about your argument, it doesn’t really hold water under-hic-under-hic-srcuntny

Deep down he actually still had feelings for the girl, and his remorse continued to eat at him (Especially after all he had done)

-*drinks some more* see, right there? By saying that he feels about her and that he cares for her, you are making this more and more about Terra. You bearly touch upon anyhting else about his backstory. It’s like you only use it for more emotional baggage. Sorry kid, but that won’t fly.

He eventually captured Terra and brought her to his castle as prisoner, where he would make her watch all the worlds fall and then he would kill her too.

-Then you add this malarky into the mix, giving us more reason to believe that this is solely about Terra. You don’t want us to believe that this is only about her, then ditch her. Remove her from the equation. And *Drinks* I don’t think I can feel my eyes

Plop.

“You wanted Change, Terra? YOU GOT IT!!!”

-You know what would be an interesting twist...if Terra killed herself because of all of this. I mean, she can’t be normal, she is being forced into a superhero role now, and appearently can’t even have her own opinion without causing death. I would be looking out for her, guys.

But this was it. Logan was completely broken, a prisoner not only of his own power but his feelings as well.

-Wich, even though it isnt just about Terra, is revolving around Terra for some odd pecular reason.

After much time of being haunted and feeling extreme guilt of all he had done (Including beheading Flurry Heart as was shown earlier int he fic)

-As well as the sin of wearing that horrible outfit!!!! I mean, my god, that outfit is like one of the worst things I have ever seen in my life!!!!

He had truly seen just how evil and despicable he had become, and he fell into despair worse than anything he had ever had.

-So, let’s go over the dark Prognosticator little plan here.

Pick an emo teen who is convinced that his life is misry and sadness and we should all suffer like he has because no one else in the world has.

Put him under his control so he can destroy everything in exsitance

Instead of giving him a happy life to make control easier, he maks sure that he falls DEEPER into dispair, setting it up for an immintent downfall

Lets him kidnap the girl who is responsible for all of this

?????

Profit!

I am really thinking that this bad guy sucks as plans.

He loved Terra so much, and nothing he could do would change that.

-Wich is why, instead of controlling her, he threw her into a dungeon and made her suffer the torment of watching the world go bye. Truely he is a tragic lover in all of this

He really wished there was some way he could end all this, maybe even reverse it all (Bring back those he killed) and maybe… just maybe, things could be okay again.

-Well, there is always Mykan’s tried and true Dues Ex Machina! Why worry about consequences when there is Dues Ex Machina

However, there were problems regarding all this.

-That he was being written by a writer who thinks that this all you need to make a sympathetic villian?

-Logan could not close the void. Once he had unleashed it… it’s out of his hands. He can’t stop it no matter how much he or may not want to.

-Why?

“The prophecy cannot be stopped. Even I cannot stop it now!”

-Also he was still owned by the Dark Pronogsticus. It was the master, he was the slave. He had no choice but to continue to fulfill the book’s desires. It was what he was created for!

-And in order to do this for peak efficencay, he...kept all of the memories. Again, villian of the year.

-Plus, now that he thought about it, why should he stop? He’s come this far. It’s too late to go back, and he’s got nothing to gain by going back anyway.

-Are you feeding us information or giving us story beats, because this is all stuff we can glance over as we read this stuff. Then again, considerign your prose is usually very dull and dry.

Count Logan will never be a redeemable villain no matter how many times you claim he is/will be. (Words of a mocker)

-Gee, think its because of the whole entire baby killing; thing?

That’s how they all treated him while he just BB, the same way you’re treating him now. (My argument)

-So your argument is, since they treated hi bad once in a while that it is ok for him to go genocidal on us all?

So what’s he got to gain by stopping? Nothing but more heartache, more misery, pain, and all the things that what started all this in the first place.

-*Puts on psycological glasses* Now, maybe we should start talking about your psycogolgical issues.

Joking aside, while this kind of thinking is ok for a villian, it’s generally more accepted if the villian had some sort of charisma or was really symptatpetic to us readers. This allows us to understand their plight. However, the way Beast Boy is written in this, feels more like his just crying his eyes out for nothing, especially in comparison to his fellow heroes.

He can never move on, (He has nothing to move on to) There is nothing to be gained from quitting, only lost.

-Except freedom, help, and a lovely new vacation in the bahamas. But, then again, this is the weakest villian I have met.

Since the prophecy could not be stopped…

-For reason’s hereto unexplained.

He couldn’t free himself from his bond with the book…

-Even though, later on we see him break the connection by just having a new bad guy take it up.

And he felt he had come too far to quit and had nothing to gain by stopping… Logan regarded his remorse as pointless, and he continued on destroying things (But his remorse continued to eat away at him and it pained him dearly)

-So, he hated to destroy, but he kept on anyway even though it did nothing to help him...You know, there is a proper way to do this. If any of you have a favorite villian that has this persona, please write it down in the comments below.

As Logan continued with his plans he had lied to his henchmen.

-Jerk!

He told them that after all worlds were destroyed, he would build whole new worlds with peace and happiness that THEY could enjoy “With none of the icky stuff” as the minions put it.

-Define icky stuff, and if you could please do it as an adult, that would be great thanks.

When In actuality, he is planning on leaving it all in ruin and perishing along with it, feeling he has nothing left to live for and is too upset and ashamed with what he has done to go on anyway. (Though he cared deeply for his minions)

-You know, you could skip steps one through three by just letting the void do it’s job. You would win...you would succeed.

To him, the world just held no meaning, no joy, and nothing to exist for as it pained him so much. There was nothing at all that could save him now…

…Nothing!

-*Aighs*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXYiU_JCYtU

VEWING

-Viewing what? Am I supposed to see something?

Count Logan is a very unique figure to the heroes and the ponies.

-Wait, what? How? He sounds like generic villian 587 to me. Doesn’t seem all that different from any other villian who has the “Woe is me and my life, how much misery do I have suffer in order for me to have my life fufilled.”

He is the only enemy they have ever faced who is driven by sadness

-What?

What?!

WHAT???!

I...I just. I am trying my best to not use Mr. Freeze because that one is too easy! Oh god, there are just so many that are motivated by sadness it isn’t even funny. I mean, isn’t that like one of the three big motivators for villians? Insanity, rage, and sadness leading to a desire for revenge?

Dude, do not try and anyalize a comic book villian if your only connection to the universe is a freaking cartoon show!

and remorse, rather than a lust for power or control.

-Hmmm, I count Sombra as one of the ones motivated purely by control. Starlight was motivated by the sadness of losing her only friend, Tempest was by the fact everyone shunned her after getting scared, And then we have some of the DC villians. I mean, shoot, just one season of the Flash will give you plenty of villians motivated by sadness and heartbreak.

He created the void out of bitterness and heartbreak.

-But again, Terra was not a determining factor. Remember that.

All he wanted to was end his suffering (Something that only NON-EXISTANCE could make happen)

-Still don’t know how you feel anything while dead or why the book picked a winy teenager instead of any of the heartless other bad guys out there in the DC universe.

He at first seems to be a stereotypical, heartless villain, with no feelings or regard for anyone or anything!

-And he is. Thank you for agreeing with me.

Only now to be understood; Logan is in fact an emotionally tortured person which makes him less evil than he appears

-PFFFFTT!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

Ok class, sit around, it’s time for another lesson in writing. From an ACTUAL writer and not some chump who thinkgs that writing is something that you just do to relieve yourself og pain.

Just because you understand a person and their actions, does not make him a tragic villian. It doesn’t make him less evil, just because you know his actions. Look at Dr. Doom. He lost his mother and that is his big motivation, does this mean that we should see his desire to conqure the world as less evil? NO! It is still freaking evil.

You want to make a tragic and sympathetic villian, fine. That is perfectly fine and dandy, some of my favorite villians of all time are tragic villlians, but don’t try to force it onto us. Look, Magneto is a very tragic villian, but his past doesn’t hide the fact that he still KILLED an entire ship of people and would wipe out all homo sapiens if he had the chance.

(His actions are not justifiable but they are understandable)

-No, they are not. Doing this because your mother is held by the devil, understandable. Because you feel that the Kryptonian is misusing his power while you are incapable of understanding the basic thought of genuine kindness, understandable. Doing this because you found out that your whole freaking life was a lie and that it was all because some electric company wanted you to lead them to a promise land and that the greed of humanity is making you inot a horrible person? Understandable. KEfka...is not understandable and is just scary.

He is a tragic, sadistic and hopeless character, whose evil deeds, hatred of worlds and lust for destruction were all born from the purest of emotions… LOVE.

-If you have to tell us this, congratualtions, you failed in making a really tragic character. What’s more, by not showing us any real remorse, we don’t really feel that he is...

Wait...

LOVE!!!!!!!

You mean, you just went on a few minutes, tellin us about how this was tragedy and all of that jazz, just to break it down to love?!!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSpcXtFe1Jo

All he ever wanted was to be truly loved and understood, instead he always got the exact opposite of all this. The Titans negligence and pushy ways pushed him over the edge.

-Looks at all of the times Beast Boy is paling around with the gang( Oh yeah, I can so totally see that. I mean it is so obivious that Beast Boy was negelted and was painfully pushed on.

Will you please stop pushing your own agenda onto a character?

The Titans, as well as others are responsible for creating Count Logan and bringing forth all the chaos.

-So our sympathies lie with them since they are trying to save people and stop this while he is basically letting himself be pushed around.

-THEY were harsh with him

-THEY drove him insane

-You know the problem with the above? If I wasn’t a fan of the show, I would be questioning this with the question of where is the proof.

-THEY caused him to lose faith which allowed the book to curse him

-Again, even though the book had a billion other canditates, this whiny putz was more worthy.

*At the titans and Terra* "...You did this!" (That is what I'm aiming for in the story: It's more THEIR fault all this is happening... though it doesn't excuse BB's actions either)

-And you...failed. Hard. It isn’t even funny with how hard you failed at bringing this important message to life. Why? Because we never really see him remorseful for his actions and evrrything he does in this feels more like everyoen is at fault for not bowing to him and treating him like a god because he has had a bad life. Oh boo hoo hoo. We are so saddened by something that obiviously doesn’t really affect him. This totally makes us sympathetic to his cause and think that the titans, who only wanted him to move on, are the bad guys in this.

and NOOOOOOOO... regardless of what you may pretend to think (Without hurting yourselves)

-And this also hurts your argument, because now it makes you look like a child. Well, you are one.

I was trying to justify BB's actions,

-You know, if you just read what you write once in a while, I wouldn’t have as much fun as I am now.

I'm just trying to say that his actions were UNDERSTANDIBLE. (Not that it matters, since you people are still whining about it anyway)

-I am not whining, I’m complaining. Do you want to hear whining?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csPPqdbcVwM

Thank you Rarity.

Ra: You are welcome darling.

So now it's clearer... I suggest people learn to READ and not judge.

-Translation: Let my character alone! He is pure and untouchable! Stop trying to hurt his feelins by insultin him! You are all monsters who need to learn better! WAHHHHHHHHH!

Sorry, but we read and we interpit. You don’t want that, then don’t write it.

Until next Time... I leave you vids that have Logan in them...

-Oh joy. Welll, lets see what we got here tonight!!

Mykan out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=176&v=d63QJZ1OP9E

-Ehh, the song is a little too depressing and doesn’t really match up. The lyrics are a bit dull and lifeless.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=42&v=SbMlE9LEQWE

-Jared Leto, please do not give this guy a dead rat, he doesn’t deserve it.

Anyway, this song doesn’t really work. This is a whiny little brat who is striking out against the world just because he doesn’t get what he wants. The song talks about the futility of war, about it affects the soldiers beyond what we see, and how it hurts everyone. There is no favorites in war, only titles that we give ourselves anf what others tell us we are. And in the end, war will will change us all.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_BbyyXBVPw

-I apologize for Les Mis fans. He probably never really watched the show at all. But if I am right, this is again talking about tragedy and the loss og friends who moved on. This is not all about you screaming out about how thee guys are wrong.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=QMLEoJqeAeg

-*BANG!* You do not sully one of the most important days in human history with your slime.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=1V01K51igO4

-Somedays I wonder if he actually watches these musicals or jut listens to the songs.

Now then, unlike the Bio I made for him (Because I spied on people and saw they're getting ready to riff him... like fish to the hook)

-Hey, sorry I was late to the party but work was literally zapping the comedy out of my body.

Now I'm going to give my own insights on what I made The End of Ends like it was.

-HAHAHA!!! Buddy, once it is out there, any and all interpitations belong to us the readers. We do not care about you.

And remember... It's NOT just because BB was dumped by Terra, but that plus an and entire life of hardship, tragedy, heartbreak, misery and shameful people treating him wrong.

-Sadly, since you use the “Greatest emotion of all, love” line, you made it more about Terra than what you were going for, sorry, but them’s the breaks kid.

Firstly, people like to tell me how wrong I am about how the Titans treat Beast Boy,

-You kind of are. Big Time. It’s like saying Misty is a bitch while forgetting the rest of her character traits. That is called, ‘flanderization.’ not that you would know anything about that, right?

perhaps they are wrong, but it makes no difference to me.

-I love how this is never about you and how you are wrong. No, it’s all on us.

Remember, my RULE OF ONE SIDE

-Ah yes, that stupid rule.

It's all ONE or all THE OTHER, not both-

-Because that is how humanity works! Remember, there is only one type of person and a person acts only like one way all of the time. He never changes or has his moments of kindness.

Sometimes the Titans are nice to him, sometimes they are mean to him.

-It’s like humanity has different emotions and feelings throughout their lifetimes and it takes more than just a few days to get to know a person.

Not anymore, it's either all one or all the other.

-Aren’t you glad I am not making a politcal joke right now? I so could but I refuse!

They are either all bad or all good.

-Yeah, its not like I know of good people back where I used to work and I can tell you about them, but they were all bad. Yep, no good at all. Or I would say that if I were a jerk.

(And if they are all bad, then anything good that's ever happened is now null and void to me "It means nothing")

- That’s right. Even if you do good oout there people, according to Mykan logic, you are already bad and must be punished. Don’t try and redeem yourself or make yourself better, just bask in the glow of your own villany, or better yet...

Like I also told you before, Beast Boy respected Terra's wishes and let her go (Be it I wrote it that way or not) and for that... I'm going to beat him up.

-And people wonder if the scene on Fall was a paraelle to how the characters feel about Mykan abandoning them and treating them like garbage

You know the rules in my world- If a guy loses a girl and it really steams me, then the guy will not only be denied having any happiness in his life BY ME,

-Because you are the high allmighty master of the realm and we must all obey you, or else. Yadda yadda. We know, and that they must follow your evil whims or be punished because they can’t have lives or do what you lack the courage to do you mangy coward.

the following must go into effect.

-And here we go, you might want to get some hot chocolate. Most likely, you heard this one before

-He lives a long and pointless life, with nothing but scorn from others, unappreciated, and loses more than he gains all the time (This way, he'll have nothing to gain by moving on)

-Even if it makes no sense, it’s completely OOC, and really just ends up demeaning the character in the end. Hey as long as my sense of worth is built back up.

-Have a super falling out with those who were once his friends. Again, I don't care if people say his friends never treated him that way, MY RULES ARE MY RULES.

-I would like to imagine when he says these things that he has his fingers in his ear and screaming “Can’t hear you!!!”

You break them, and I'll break you

-Heh, these characters are stronger than you think. They won’t break so easily.

(The cartoon character) and Common Sense and good judgment won't save you this time.

-You know, when you say this, you are just saying that you have no common sense or good judgement. Wich kind of says a lot by your standards.

-He must become an Anti-Hero by choice, or become the primary antagonist (Usually NOT by choice) There was no "Yes or No" when it came to that book. It chose him, and that was it. "The choice is not yours"

-Deconstructed that out the window. Although, I do want to go for another round on that one.

-Do not reconcile with former friends. The friendship is shattered... FOREVER,

-Yes, because that’s how it works. That is so how life works for those of you who are usually insane in the membraine.

end of story. Even if I wrote it so BB agreed to help the others face Draken in the final battle, in the end,

-It doesn’t even matter!

Sorry, in a Linkin Park mood

he would still wish NEVER to makeup and reconcile with them, balk at their desires to want to make up with him, and just leave,

-Only to cry about it a little later on his blog about how much they suck and are cruel and he wants his momma.

so they'll all feel dejected, hurt, and Terra can be heart-broken (Hopefully irreparably like how she did to him.)

-Either that or they all party like crazy while he is gone and get Kid Flash as a replacement.

-If reconciliation looks hopeful, the dude must die.

-Wow, you are a giant monster aren’t you? I mean, there is evil, there is cruel, and then there is you.

That way he STILL can't reconcile with his friends, and they can still be hurt (That's why I killed BB on Friendship is Failure #3, so the potential will never be.)

-And yet it still felt like it did in the end. See, this is what happens when you try to do something that you just aren’t good at.

Yeah, I know (I can tell without reading) a lot of you are insulting me right now

-Actually, I am making a soundtrack for Fall arc 1. Trying my best to think of a good Dislestia theme that I have.

and saying how much my rules suck. Well it sucks to be you then. "When you read in my world, you'll read by my rules."

-And the problem with that is, the moment we came here, it became our world too.

And the rule stands for BB or any guy in a couple I deeply supported: "Get the Girl... or Get punished!"

-Even if they don’t really have that much in common or are really all thatgood together, they must get together.

But remember, Terra is not the only factor.

Now, as for Logan himself, people also complain "He's too stuish and overpowered"

-I’m not complaining. I like OP bad guys. It makes me excited to kick thier asses. It feels so good that there are strong bad guys for me to kick. Because to me, a god is just another face for me to kick. If there is a dinosaur in the ice, then I want to teach it to balance atop a ball and-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wh8ii9AFdSQ

Well, he kinda HAS to be, and for several reasons.

-Because I am an unoriginal hack who has no idea how tension works.

1: He is supposed to have the tittle

-I am going to be mature and not laugh at that mistake. I will not laugh and move on.

of "An Evil that is beyond ALL imagination"

-Its a shame that he isn’t, not really. Shishio, Kefka, Sephiroth, hell even Garland are more badass and evil beyond all imagination than this guy. At worst, he’s Kylo Ren.

(Regaurdless of whatever wangasty, bitchiness, or emo slurrs people wish to mock him with)

-Oh please, as if I resort to slurs. I let the other people and my betters do that for me. I prefer to deconstruct.

With a title like that, he SHOULDN'T be that easy to beat or even scratch,

-Ah, but with everything, there has to be a balance. Go too far one way and he’ll seem too invinvable and not very believable that the heroes can win. And when you go too far where you are taking out power houses from the cannon verse. Well, then it goes way to far and makes it look less like the villian is powerful and just an over bearing boss.

For example, Freiza was just the right mix of super powered while making it believable that he could be taken down. Dio is the same way.

otherwise he's just another MOTW. (Monster of the Week)

-We know how Acronyms work.

He has to be really strong, fierce, and deadly, to hold up a reputation like that

-Or just be poweful and intimating.

(Something that NO MLP villian ever did with me... not even Sombra or the Storm king)

-Wait, so the tops for you are Storm King and Sombra? SOMBRA AND STORM KING! Look I love Storm King and all, he’s a fun and silly villina, but tops on the mlp roster he is not. Hell, Tempest stole the show from him! And you put the dreaded Even on him as if he was some sort of powerhouse of MLP villians?

I'm just doing this now to mock the Storm King (Practically all MLP villains...)

-Oh this is going to be fun. Allow me to start with some Storm King questions.

*Picture Logan talking to the Storm King*

*The storm king wishes to help Logan, feeling he become more powerful if they teamed up*

Storm King: Wait, why would I want to work with this guy. He’s kind of...emo and depressing. He’ll cramp my style! Besides, he just isn’t that marketable. I mean, look at that armor, my stocks will plummet from the idea alone!

Logan: "In your world, they call you "A King?"

S.K: Well, acutally they call me the boss. I am trying to get King Trademarked but the lawyers say I don’t have a case. No good snakes.

Logan: "In mine... we would call you "a child"

Storm King: Me, a child? Oh that’s funny coming from mr. Livejournal. I have something you don’t, emo boy. Personality. Yeah, Tempest may outshine me in the movie, but lets face it...at least I’m fun. You just cry every five minutes and say how we all need to bow to you.

"An arrogant, demanding, blinded child!

Storm King: Are...are you ignoring me? I just insulted you and you are just going off on your tagent?

Do you really think that you can come to me with a proposition, assumed that I even WANT or NEED your help? Storm King...!

Storm King: Hey, you came to me, appearently to mock me. You must not have much to do.

*Chuckles* Oh, forgive me... "Your highness." You said we understood each other... You COULD NOT be more wrong!"

Storm King: You’re right, we don’t understand each other. Give me a moment. *Snaps fingers* Tempest?

Tempest: *rolls eyes* Yes, master.

Storm King: Write me a sob story.

Tempest: *Frowns, and uses her magic to type up a story* Here ya go boss. I’m going to go get hosed.

Storm King: Ahem...My mother abused me until I was 10, leaving me to fend for myself. All the while I craved the kind touch of someone, anyone out there. It was soon that I realized that by letting others follow me, I could make the world care for me and love me like I always wanted. This also helped to fill in the loss of my father and friends, who always seemed to dissappear whenever I got close to anyone. I decided to become king in order to make the world love me.

There, now I have a sad sack story, now we understand each other.

Logan: "I understand you; your petty quest for bits of power... your need to conquer... your desires! But you... don't see me."

Storm King: *Blinks* I see you, right there. You are standing there, in front of me.

Logan: "Oh, but I am, especially in one particular way: I've EARNED my title and my position. You've been GIVEN yours, Storm King.

Storm King: Weren’t you given your power because a book saw you and thought that you were perfect for the host. Then it GAVE you the power to wipe out existance? That sounds like you were given the power to me. Right Tempest?

Tempest: *slurred* Too drunk to care!!!!!

Storm King: See? You were also given the power to make all of this by that book.Were it not for the book you would be just little Beast Boy!

I... am a true embodiment of darkness... and you're just a little boy."

Storm King: If the embodiment of darkness is a whiny 17 year-old...I need a new line of work.

Logan *Cuts in&: "You are excused... *Taps his Cane for his minions to come* Take him away, and dispose of him."

Storm King: Don’t bother, I’m out! Have fun with your destruction or whatever. By the way, my assasstant emptied your booze storage.

Tempest: ~HEre we are, the princessess of the universe~

Whoo! That felt good... now moving on...

-Awww, but I was having fun putting in the actual Storm King personality and ignoring your horribly adapted piece of material. Yeah, I know he stole it. Don’t know where, but I know he stole the dialouge.

2: He's so overpowered: Well... um, in case you didn't notice

-Yeah, I kind of been skimming the original...kind of boring if you ask me.

"He's trying to LITERALLY obliterate the universe" and in a short time as well (A matter of weeks)

-Do not get me started on your little timeline shennigans!

Don't you think you need an awful lot of power for that--

-The empire did it with only a small planetoid.

to destroy planets whole, shatter multiple stars with one strike, wipe out a million races just like that. You need LOTS of power for that.

-Eh, just a planet sized planet buster and you’re good.

And remember... It's NOT just because BB was dumped by Terra,

-But it is, I’m just trying to lie my pants off.

but that plus an and entire life of hardship, tragedy, heartbreak, misery and shameful people treating him wrong.

-i.e nobody kissing his ass and treating him like a king.

He's angry, insane, and hurt, and he wishes to stop the pain and get revenge at the same time... Killing himself simply, will not do it (As spirits can feel pain as well, and eventually the spirits of others would join him in death...

-WHAT?!

but through NON-EXISTENCE, that won't happen)

-Antimoniter: Ok, now I am gonna sue somebody.

Also, getting back to the Titans, and my STILL being wrong about the way they treated

-Oh joy, more “They hurt my cinnamon roll!!!!”

Beast Boy, I still don't care. The goal of the story was to make it more THEIR FAULT all that destruction happened

-So to prove your point, you had to lie, falsifie evidence, make faulty excuses, and trick the audience.

(They drove BB off the edge... which made the book curse him... which brought forth the destruction)

-It was all their fault and not the whiny crybaby in the corner who wants everyone to kow tow to his needs!!!!

"You did it, Titans"

-You know, this would be the point where ever one gives him a bitch slap.

And being nice to BB won't drive him off the edge, will it? and it also won't make it look more like their faults like I want it to be.

-Again, so you have to lie in order to make your story work. Have you not seen the problem with this?

That's pretty much the basic idealism I have and want to see in fiction.

-So, you are bringing out ideals and making things seem brighter?

You tell me, "The Titans are his friends... Never treated him like that... ect, ect" I don't care.

-And I know you don’t care. Hell, this hasn’t been about making you mad, fixing you, or anything else. This has beenn purely for the enjoyment of somepeople who want a good laugh.

You tell me "He's overpowered, a stu, an unredeemable villain." Still not caring...

-Not caring, yadda yadda. How much you want to bet he is going to say that this isn’t a version of him.

I like him just how he is. and NOOOOO... he isn't a version of me,

-*Claps* Thank you for proving my faith in you.

because I do not wish to destroy ACTUAL REAL worlds or kill people in real life.

-Nope, but let’s look at the facts. He represents your ideals (No redemption, no forgiveness), he represents your hate (Terra doesn’t get together with him, he despises the Titans), he is a force of your creation that is to provide release for your own pain (Wich you admit as such), and is a whiny little brat who has to deal with the fact that no one is treating him right and he wants to be held.

Yep, that is you. It doesn’t even need to be the killing world or powers to be you. But it’s the real important thing. If you didn’t want it to be you, then you need to ditch the persona.

Killing fictional people is just part of the story (The story is no good without it) doesn't Count.

-Points to the above statement*

"Yes it does, and a it makes you a sick little freak that should be locked up"

-Hey, when you make all of the insults for me...

Again, I say... No it doesn't.

-You should actually pay attention to what you write you know. People can so easily use it against you.

This is my world, and what I say goes... and I say, if you don't like it, then take a hike and take your so-called "Common Sense" with you!

-Very well idoit!!!!

Until next time, Mykan out!

-Waves by.

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