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sordidmusings · 7 months

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Age Gap (Buggy x Reader)

A/N: for @soft-mafia since she wanted more age gap Buggy! Mostly bulleted like a headcanon but has two little drabbles sprinkled in cuz I couldn't help myself. I will be posting a continuation of this actually writing out the scene mentioned at the end, but I wanted to get this out now.

Word count: ~2.6 k

Warnings: obviously an age gap but the younger one is mentioned to be in their 20s, fem!reader, NSFW mentioned at the end, alcohol consumption, probably (hopefully) silly humor, the touch starved shows hardcore for a second there, tried my best to get Buggy right but you know how it be especially because he exists as an amalgam of LA and anime Buggy in my brain

Now come get y'all dopamine

I imagine you joined Buggy’s crew largely looking for that found family goodness then found out how much you’d never been taken care of and how much you craved it

One day while going through the different acts you were learning from the crew trying to find what stuck, you took a decent fall. Not the kind that breaks bones, but the kind where you just gotta lay there a sec and recalibrate how you got to this point

After some laughter (I mean come on it is a crew curated by Buggy and they could tell it wasn’t serious), the nearby crew surrounded you to check on you. While you were breathlessly saying you’re fine from your position on the floor, they parted to reveal the Captain coming to your side:

Buggy bent down to loom over you. The shadow he cast over your face was a welcome break from the bright overhead lights. You just wished that the way they haloed him didn’t make it so hard to see the laughter on his face.

“Good form! I think we could just throw you around to see you flail like that as your act - you’d be our finest comedy routine.” His voice was thick with sarcasm and giggles. However, his detached arms were gentle when they lifted you from the floor. They changed to posing outstretched with his hands on your shoulders and he walked into them to reattach. He looked you up and down before circling around you, all the while his hands were nudging you this way and that for his inspection. Once he was back at your front, he changed to brushing some dirt from your arms and shoulders. You didn’t speak for fear of interrupting this attention you were receiving from him. He seemed to suddenly snap to clarity anyway.

“RIGHT.” Vocal control? Who is she? Buggy doesn’t know her. “So either get better at what you’re doing or actually fall on purpose. Wouldn’t want you fucking up that money maker.” He was already walking away when one detached hand gave your cheek two brisk pats and he made himself scarce.

It was obvious to you and everyone else how much you ate up his attention. The soft look you were still giving the direction he went in was damn near sickening. It was then you understood your purpose here - becoming Buggy’s spoiled lapdog.

Luckily for you, that was also the moment Buggy realized how his body buzzed when he touched you and how he lit up when you looked up at him with pretty, wide eyes.

Unluckily, he also decided that being near you would lead down a dangerous route of him needing more and more of you and he was positive that he was just being some old creep over a pretty little thing like you.

This led to a game where Buggy would try to keep you at arm’s length while he battled both his own desire to be around you and your seemingly supernatural ability to just appear next to him at all times.

He wasn’t great at the arms distance thing even when he thought he was nailing it because nailing it to him was being in his natural space as the center of attention and only checking (immediately and desperately) that you were watching and approving of whatever he was doing. The way his head would always snap to you for your reaction was neither subtle nor discouraging to your rapidly growing infatuation.

You decided that orbiting his personal space wasn’t working well enough. Sure, he’d give you a hit of what you wanted with some fleeting touches and mostly disguised compliments but you needed more. Hurting yourself intentionally so that he would take care of you didn’t seem like a sustainable option, so you settled on playing his own game. Time to practice owning a room.

This could be a dangerous game to play. You were certain that blatantly taking the spotlight would just make him upset with you not that you’d mind him taking that out on you. You settled on more subtle things like spreading your attention more through the crew instead of mostly on him, being more focused and daring in your training, participating more in the many games that broke out when the alcohol did, and dressing a bit more intentionally (whether that’s flashier colors, eye-catching accessories, bold makeup, new or intricate hairstyles, etc.)

The boldest card you played was feeding more into any of the flirting you received.

He has a freak show, yes, but have you ever seen how fine circus performers are?? Full fun costumes are It and also the tasks they have to perform either help them get conventionally attractive bodies and/or the rizz that comes with performing feats (just look at the traction Fryboy has gained with women like damn why he kinda-). Due to that, you’re around attractive people all the time.

While the flirting is for the purpose of pushing Buggy’s buttons, you must admit that it wasn’t a hard habit to keep up and may help inflate your ego.

Your attempts have mixed results. Buggy’s desire to claim you grew but so did his insecurity

In his mind, you look more natural next to one of the younger lookers in his crew while he’s certain the pair of you must look ridiculous together. It’s this very insecurity that’s gonna make it necessary for you to bluntly and shamelessly throw yourself at him both repeatedly and with no room for questions:

You have no clue what else you can do to get through that thick skull of his. You’re on your knees, quite literally at that. You figured that kneeling in front of that circus throne while he’s laid himself all over it would be enough to break the man. Enough to break any man, really, but he’s still finding ways to deflect you.

Buggy nodded his head to a nearby open seat. “You know they made chairs to be comfortable and your dumb ass is on the floor. That drunk already?” he snorted. Maybe choosing to do this during one of the many celebrations (you think this one is for one week of no one pregaming for show runs. ironic.) was a bad idea. You had been banking on some drinks loosening up whatever was holding him back. It always made you snicker when you entertained the idea of it being from a sense of propriety. Checking in on the situation, you could see how all the chaos going on around you two made it easier for him to keep his eyes off of you and his ears unfocused. Earlier, you had counted it as a plus that working up a buzz would help you bulldoze through his stubbornness. You had forgotten that any alcohol in your system would make for the perfect excuse for him to write you off.

“I’ve barely started my third drink,” you started with a pout, “and I’d be ashamed if that’s enough to get me drunk after all the time spent on your crew.”

“Then you are just being stupid.”

You huffed and rolled your eyes. Okay. Attention didn’t work. Compliments didn’t work. Kneeling didn’t work. Time for some big guns.

You shifted to the side so you’d be sitting towards your left hip with your bent legs beside you. Your drink found its way to your right hand but, most importantly, your chin found its way onto Buggy’s left knee. It brought you so close to where you’d really like to put yourself to work, and, man, was the temptation strong with the way his right leg was slung over the armrest of his seat. How did he expect you to stay away when he was serving himself up on a platter like this?

Buggy was definitely giving you his undivided attention now. His gaze was dark and slightly accusatory. The lighting matched with his makeup made him look more dangerous than usual. The nerves it sent through you might have had you back right off. Instead you held your ground because you saw his pulse hammer against his neck. You saw his throat bob as he swallowed. You saw his pink tongue contrast with red as he licked his lips and gave a shaky exhale.

While you were starting to settle into your bold move, Buggy was becoming more and more antsy. His grip on his glass became white-knuckled under his gloves, and he tried to give himself time to think by taking a huge gulp of his drink. Why did you have to look at him like that? So pleading? The angle from his lap made your lashes darken your eyes and it was impossible for him to keep the image of your hooded gaze about a foot closer to him out of his head. What did you want from him? You’d denied his accusations about money or intel so what the fuck could it be? Was this a game? Get in the pants of the Captain for preferential treatment and go back to whoever else you had in your palm on the crew to laugh about him falling for it?

You noticed his mood turning sour so you decided to interrupt whatever was tumbling around his head. “I think I could get much more comfy right here.” To prove a point, you dragged your chin to his inner thigh, right above his knee, and snuggled your cheek into his leg. His pants weren’t the softest against your skin but he was so addictingly warm through them. Your eyes briefly fluttered shut to enjoy the sensation before you looked back up at him and flirtatiously said, “I’m comfiest next to you.”

His hands itched with the need to grab you by the hair and force your face right where he needed you. Instead he scoffed at you. “Suuuuure. And why’s that, princess?”

“You make me smile,” you admitted immediately. His startled gaze met your lovesick one and you realized what you said and how quickly you said it. Too close to emotionally vulnerable; time to backtrack a touch. You want to get the role as his trophy before you even attempt to approach the title of Love of His Life. “You also said that you take care of your crew and I’m on your crew, right? So you’ll take care of me.”

The cheeky smile you spoke through melted him. An achingly deep sigh left him while his right hand detached from the arm to deposit his drink on the floor next to you. Quickly, it flew back to its limb. Both of your hearts pumped fire through your chests as he reached that hand out towards you. Buggy took his time stroking his fingers from your forehead into your hair. When his palm came down to join the gesture, you were very happy to realize that his hand was just as warm as the thigh still under your cheek. You shuffled closer so your legs squeezed in between his foot and the left leg of his throne. Buggy shuddered when he felt your fingertips graze the back of his calf and spread out like a star so you could grab it. Using your new grip, you snuggled more firmly into his leg and let yourself buzz off of getting this new touch from your Captain.

Ulterior motives be damned, Buggy couldn’t give them any credence when you looked so happy to sit at his feet and receive such a simple touch. He should probably laugh and call you a needy puppy to regain some control over the situation. Instead, he slipped his hand down the side of your head. He massaged his fingertips into the base of your skull and said, “I’ll take care of you, little star.”

Once he has accepted that you’re serious there will be jokes about the dynamic but do not be fooled - he can only dish it out and WILL spiral if he receives any type of comment about how much older he is (the word geriatric is punishable by death)

Sometimes the joke is him patronizingly treating you like a child (you almost socked him right there at the dinner table when some food came at your face with accompanying airplane noises)

Sometimes it’s calling you a gold digger (“then where’s my allowance, huh?” “OH so my gIFTS AREN’T ENOUGH FOR YOU NOW? YOU were the one ACTUALLY CRYING over me buying you that wonky ass stuffed seal with the lopsided face!!” “HIS NAME IS JERRY AND YOU WILL SHOW HIM SOME RESPECT”)

Sometimes it’s just dumb shit like pointing at the type of girl’s clothing store that has made a contract with God to own all the pinks and pastels the world has to offer before turning to you straight faced and asking if you want to stop in to look. Any way this man can think to goof, he will.

And it’s tooooootally a coping mechanism to process the fact that he’s nearly forty and dating a twenty-something and not at all because joking around with you has become one of his basic survival needs

The dynamic ends up helping both of y’all feel special - you have a hot, boisterous, spotlight-stealing pirate captain pampering (and then making a mess of) you while he gets a beautiful, capable, eye-catching young thing looking at him like he hung the stars in the sky

Nothing goes to Buggy’s head more than when you walk into a room full of people, attractive ones especially, and only see him.

He loves anything that makes it obvious to others that you are his, whether that's him draped over you, you draped over him, red stains on the back of your hands, your shoulders, your cheeks, your forehead, your neck, having his jolly roger on your outfit, having you in his hat or coat

This very much extends to him wanting anyone and everyone to overhear you in the bedroom. Everyone should know you're his and he's the only one who can make you feel so good

Don't worry, they'll also get the message that he's yours from all the moaning and praises

He gives you endless pet names but always comes back to “sweet stuff”, “sweets”, “princess”, “star”, “prima donna” (affectionate), “prima donna” (derogatory), and anything preceded by “little” (“little showstopper”, “little tease”, very rarely “little girl” if he feels especially like exerting power over you)

He prides himself on making you feel cared for and safe. Instead of feeling like a chore he has to do because he’s in the ‘older man’ role, he loves the way you preen under his attention and how you happily return the favor.

When in the Cross Guild Era, Buggy started going to all meetings with you by his side then on his thigh. It was a good defensive strategy because the other two seemed more hesitant to throttle him if you were in the way, but lets be real this man is also clingy and loves showing you off too.

At first he found it offensive that Mihawk and Croc were so disbelieving at the sight of you happily perched on your captain’s lap but then it made him the smuggest motherfucker when he would see their eyes trail over you knowing that they can only look and he can touch however he wants. This leads to him pushing until he hit your boundary at leaving very visible marks on you

One time he fucked you stupid right before a meeting so that you wouldn’t think about the bite mark surrounded by red makeup that kept playing peekaboo with your shirt collar (or the red smears between your thighs that showed whenever you shifted your legs)

#buggy x reader #buggy the clown #one piece #one piece x reader #buggy one piece #opla buggy #buggy x you #buggy x y/n #my writing #fem reader #afab reader #x reader

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alxclaremont · 2 years

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i feel. bleugh.

#had my orientation yesterday. did not go the way i wanted it to lol #ended up having to change my major from chemistry to poli sci for a few reasons #and im like. not happy about it lmao #it quite literally does not really matter because im double majoring in both and i would’ve ended up doing poli sci anyway my sophmore year #however. it is not what i wanted to do this year and i don’t even like my classes 🥴#im just. so disappointed and i really only have myself to blame but like. i feel so discouraged now #i’m just. idk. im probably being dramatic. it just isn’t what i planned how this year was gonna do #who knows. maybe my second semester classes will be different #i still have time to do the thing i need to do to go back to majoring in chem this year #so hopefully i’ll be able to fix it and then i’ll be able to take the classes i wanted #it was just not a fun time #🥴#not to mention that im getting into the same mental state i always do every summer that my friends hate me for no reason whatsoever #just because they haven’t been responding to some of my messages or leaving me on open #it’s so stupid i hate that my brain does this cause it makes me bitter and upset #eugh. i want to throw myself into the sun maybw that will make me feel better #lacey talks

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suashii · 6 months

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"give them back," tsukishima grumbles, harshly rubbing his tired, golden eyes with the heels of his palms. his already blurred vision is even more bleary when he pulls his hands away.

"mm, no," you refuse, resting the stolen frames on the top of your head. "i don't think i will."

the lines of a frown are etched into the skin between his eyebrows as he stares at you from his desk chair. you're sure his aim is to look intimidating or at least annoyed, but you can't take him seriously knowing that he probably sees you as nothing more than an indiscernible blob of colors without his glasses.

"come on, i need to finish this." he points to the intricate yet unfinished drawing sitting on the table in front of him. you're sure your eyes would cross just attempting to pick out all of the details; you can't imagine how strained tsukki's eyes must be from staring at and adding on to it for hours.

"what you need to do is rest your eyes," you scold him. "this little artist gig is going to be over before it even begins if you keep this up."

he doesn't respond because he can't argue with you; you're right. late nights spent working under nothing more than a soft, dim lamp have become the norm for him. he's grown accustomed to the irritation burning at his eyes and the need to squint in order to focus on whatever project sits in front of him. before now, he would have excused his irresponsibility as hard work—dedication. thanks to you, he's willing to acknowledge it as a bad habit.

tsukki sighs. you're nervous that your words were too harsh, worried that they bordered discouraging. you open your mouth, readying to apologize for your brashness when the man clears his throat. "fine. i'll be done for tonight."

"good." you curtly nod. if you’re being completely honest, you weren't sure that you'd be able to convince him. you tell him as much, too. "if you said otherwise, i would have dragged you out of here myself."

for the first time since you barged into his studio, a smile breaks out on the blonde's face. "is that so?"

"mhm." you hum in confirmation. seeing his lips curled upward makes you grin as well. you jerk your head in the direction of the door, stretching your open hand out to him. you wiggle your fingers and ask, "shall we go?"

he takes your hand in his, gently squeezing it as he stands up from the chair. "can i have my glasses back now?"

"nope," you pop the 'p'. you almost forgot about the lenses perched on the top of your head, but, even so, he isn’t getting them back. tsukishima is stubborn and you wouldn't put it past him to end up browsing his phone for inspiration if he got a hold of his glasses again. "you should keep your eyes closed. i'll lead you down the hall and get you comfy in bed all on my own."

he clicks his tongue, shaking his head. he can't say he's seeing clearly at the moment, but the thought of being blindly guided down the hallway keeps him from closing his eyes. "you have way too much faith in yourself."

you scoff, "take it back or your sleeping in your studio tonight."

#this is from my first ever blog #and i was thinking about it heavily today #so i went and found it :3 #artist tsukki!#my favorite genre #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima fluff #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff

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critter-coded · 3 months

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Reclaiming "Female" Through Therianthropy

This is my submission for the "My Gender is Not Human" zine. Here, I discuss how I realized I was not transgender because of my therianthropy and I hope that maybe someone else may relate and understand themselves in a new way. ♡

If you want to wait to read this until the Zine is released, then do not continue past the "keep reading" portion. Otherwise, enjoy!

PS: If this interests you, I'd strongly advise playing Shelter 2 (where I got the photo below from) as it relates a lot to my own experience.

CW: Body issues, misogyny

Can you imagine the scent of the velvet fuzz of a newborn animal? The experience of a dark den now filled with new life, life that hasn't even opened its eyes yet to the winter world just outside? Can you imagine the tiredness yet sheer love and comfort of having your children welcomed into the world, witnessed only by you and the Earth’s soil?

It's something I often dream of, and it's that very experience that made me realize that I am not transgender. It's funny because in this community, it feels as though the majority of individuals here are transgender and that experience ties closely into their nonhumanity. For me, the opposite occurred. I had a top surgery letter in my hand after years of feeling “not quite right” in my body or in how people perceived me. I had every reason to feel this way and to want this, even if it felt imperfect. Looking back, I remember how I got to this point.

“Be skinnier any way you can, it’ll make you prettier” they’d say as they, themselves, were ironically obese and I loved them no less for it.

“Grow your hair long and change your clothes, you’ll look more like a lady.” A projection rooted in the ideals of someone who reads far too much Jane Austen.

“Women should be subservient and provide endlessly, or they’re selfish.”

Dread set in every time I filled someone’s coffee or plate of food due to expectation or demand and not out of love and kindness. Everytime the topic of how I looked in a dress or how my hair wasn’t as long as someone else wanted. The disappointment of my family when they learned I had dated other women in the past and their relief when I dated one man. The eyerolls and my teacher’s discouragement when I expressed an interest in physics or chemistry. Even my finance degree was achieved through apparent luck despite graduating top of my class. Every “right” I accomplished was met with a “wrong” in some new category. The very things that made men impressive made me disobedient. I starved myself to look a little nicer to strangers, cried in bed after being talked down to at work, slept away all of my sorrows in a curled up ball. Humanity didn’t take kindly to me.

It frustrated me, and combined with my general lack of identity at the time along with diagnosed CPTSD, it was easy to relate to the plight that transgender individuals experienced. Surely that had to be me, but the label and being perceived as something besides female never clicked entirely. I figured that I may just have mild gender dysphoria instead, but for the first time, I really deep dived into what it meant to identify as a gender as everyone was needing urgent, permanent decisions to be made on my end. Around this time, I took on my first mammal label which was a feline. Ironically, cats are often the first animals to be associated with femininity and to be mistreated because of it.

I wanted motherhood, but I wanted my own kittens to rear more than I felt like I wanted to raise a human infant after spending time in a daycare and at a cat shelter. I didn’t want my breasts, but not because I wasn’t a girl, that’s just how other animals are. Perfume was a method to mark the rooms I had been in, not for elegance. I still felt so female, yet I didn’t see another way out besides transitioning until it occurred to me: what if I didn’t have to be a “woman”, and instead, I could simply be female the way animals are female?

There were so many women like me such as in Brave, Princess Mononoke, Poor Things, or Wolf Children. The women who strayed from polite society to walk their own paths and stuck to their own desires. Even my own cat was female and yet held her chin so high and demanded when she would or would not be held. This realization was the first time I found myself feeling feral freedom and uninhibited beauty in the way I was. I was going to be the woman that rolls in the dirt, who is unapologetically beautiful in her own way, who chases after whatever her wild heart desires. I am not transgender, but I am not entirely a woman. I am an animal, and I am female in all of its unbridled ways.

Shedding my domestic cat label, I have taken up the title of bobcat. With it, I swear on my name that I will bite the hand of any who wish to tame or domesticate me ever again. I have been released out of the crate and back into the wilderness where I belong, and I shall never look back down the mountain. I feel the moss beneath my paws, the cold breeze kissing my nose, the smell of rain soaked woods and wildflowers. Ravens cry as I run on four legs towards the peak, released at last from the grips of mankind. I feel the warmth of a life suddenly worth living, growing along with the hair I now reclaim as my own fur without shame or expectation. I am home at the summit of my own world.

My spirit runs wild, and she is female.

#therian #otherkin #therianthropy #therianthrope #adult therian #feline therian

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demiromanticmickey · 3 months

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On today's "I am SO not normal about Dead Friend Forever": Discussing Catholicism and Colonization in this gay Thai slasher series

Some background on me: I am from a Latine Catholic family. Raised as a non-practicing Catholic (we didn't go to church or pray). Then my parents enrolled me in a Catholic school that I attended from 5th grade to the end of 7th grade. Today, I am not Catholic and have never really considered myself as such.

Ok, so in the flashback episodes of DFF, I have been noticing a lot of things. My findings under the cut.

Let's start with this crucifix and photo of the Virgin Mary and a baby Jesus.

Screenshot from ep. 5.

The camera lingers here a bit so we're obviously meant to pay attention to the phrase. I put the screenshot through Google translate's image translator and the translation it gave me was, "Think good, do good, be a good person." I didn't think much of it when I first watched the episode other than it was supposed to establish that the boys attend a Christian or Catholic school.

But then there was this image posted on Be On Cloud's Instagram (also from ep. 5): X

Zooming in, we can see there's another picture of Mary in the background. Watching the classroom scenes, it's easy to miss because the series itself is more washed out than the official photos posted. But this emphasis on Mary led me to believe the school is a Catholic one. So out of curiosity, I looked up the schools the writers and directors attended because I felt I was onto something here. And boy, was I!

Source: MDL

Ma-Deaw, if you didn't know, is one of the directors of Dead Friend Forever (he also directed Manner of Death and Inhuman Kiss , and lots of other things).

One Google search later (X) and I learned "Montfort College" is a Catholic school. It started out as a primary school that later added a secondary school as well.

Now let's take a closer look at some of the details of this school:

First, the school's motto "Labor Conquers All Things". This reminded me of the phone conversation Tee had with his uncle:

On my first watch, this sounded familiar to me but I couldn't really place why. It wasn't until I saw this other Tumblr post (X) that pointed out it's similar to a bible quote from the New Testament. The quote varies a bit depending on which version of the bible you're using but it's along the lines of, "He who does not work, neither shall he eat".

This is meant to discourage "laziness". Nevermind the fact that people deserve to eat simply because we get hungry and need food to survive. The idea that we only "deserve" things based on productivity is an extremely colonial one. — Reminder also that Tee is being forced into this "work" in the first place. He's just a high school kid. I don't need to like his character to understand how fucked up his situation is.

Then there's the patron of the school. St. Louis de Montfort was a French Catholic priest most known for his study in Mariology. What is Mariology (X)? The study of Mary, the mother of Jesus. I didn't know that was a thing but it's unsurprising considering how prominent images of Mary were in my own religious upbringing. And she's what started me down this rabbit hole in the first place. Mary is a big deal to the Catholics. I'm going to be paying even more attention now if more Mary imagery pops up.

The Garden of Eden and Original Sin

Now I want to draw attention to these images:

Screenshots from ep. 7

Here we have Non and Phee biting into an apple as they leisure around this lush green field. We know they've visited this location more than once because they're wearing different outfits in the screenshots. And I think it's important to note that it's Phee holding the apple and offering it to Non.

The use of the word "bait" in the bts of ep. 7 is quite interesting too. (X)

The Garden of Eden was the paradise in which Adam and Eve resided. In this garden, there were many trees to eat from. The one tree Adam and Eve were forbidden by God to eat from was the Tree of Knowledge. A serpent (Satan), first tempted Eve into taking from the tree to eat it's fruit. And then Eve gave the fruit to Adam. That is Original Sin. And because Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge, all humans thereafter are born sinful and bad, and can only find salvation through God.

Of course in the scene between Phee and Non, the sin the apple represents is being gay. And it's after this, and after the bracelet scene, that Non becomes involved with Por's film and his tragedy begins.

Zoomed in screenshot from ep. 5

And I wonder if the bracelet scene is the last time Phee and Non visit this forest location. It would parallel how Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden of Eden once they sinned.

Final Thoughts

You give me a story that criticizes Western religion and how it's used as a tool for oppression and colonization, and I'm gonna eat that shit up. I am gonna eat it up. Every. Single. Time.

I really wasn't expecting anything like this from Dead Friend Forever. This level in attention to detail is unmatched. I don't think I've watched a more well planned out show. And no matter where DFF goes from here, these seven episodes will always hold a special place in my heart. 💗

#dead friend forever #dff the series #pheenon #barcode tinnasit #ta nannakun #dff meta #dff spoilers #tabarcode #dff*#*#i just love it here #this is my comfort show idc

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shiftinglea · 2 months

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“Failure doesn’t exist”

I’ve heard this saying all over the LOA community. They all say, “You can’t fail. You are a God.”

But I couldn’t help myself from feeling like a failure when I was persisting and imagining and believing that my desires are mine and still waking up every day only seeing that it’s not manifested.

I felt very discouraged after weeks of persisting and started to doubt the law and myself.

So how did I deal with that?

I started to dig deeper. I knew the basics of LOA, but I wanted to learn more. I had questions like:

Am I really God? Like The God that created the Universe? If I am a God, then why aren’t my manifestations appearing in 3D?

These questions led me to finding the answers that now allowed me to remember who I truly am: a God.

Read this post first to remember about you being God (I wrote “remember” because there is nothing to learn for you, only to remember Who You Are).

Now, knowing that I Am God experiencing myself as a creator of my reality, I know that failure is just an illusion created for us to experience success.

Here is why:

In our pure form, we exist in the state of nothing and everything, the void state or the I Am state (God state).

In that state, our desires and intentions manifest instantly. There is no delay. We always get whatever we want.

But when you exist in the state of always getting your desires instantly, always succeeding in manifesting, then the “success” isn’t success anymore. Because there is nothing else, no opposite of success.

For example, imagine you live in the society where everyone is skinny. You wouldn’t know you are skinny because there is no “fat”. You perceive yourself as being skinny compared to its opposite.

So when you exist in the state of always succeeding in manifesting your desires instantaneously, then it’s not success for you anymore. Because you don’t know what “failure” is.

So in order for you to experience success, you need to be aware of the existence of failure.

But failure doesn’t exist in the void state, in your original state.

So that’s why we come here, to the 3D, to experience success through the illusion of failure.

So really, the illusion of failure is a gift to us to experience and feel the joy and wonder of success.

Imagine you have a desire in your head and then it instantly pops into existence. Sure, it will feel exhilarating at first. But very quickly, you will start to feel bored and not amazed.

So the illusion of failure was created to truly experience success.

But it’s important to remember that it’s just an illusion.

Don’t live within the illusion, live with it. Use it to experience joy and happiness when you see your manifestations in 3D.

When you manifest something and see that it’s not there, don’t think you failed. Just see it as an illusion, nothing else. Smile at it because you know this illusion allows you to feel happiness and excitement of success.

You cannot fail to manifest your desires. But you can get lost in the illusion that you are failing.

You don’t have to end the illusion. You can just see through it.

When you see through it and know that you aren’t failing at all, you stay in the state of having your desires in 4D (imagination). You know that your will is the will of God. Because you are God. And the 3D has no other option but to conform to your 4D.

So, remember failure is just a beautiful illusion that allows you to experience the success and joy of being a creator.

#loa tumblr #loassumption #void state #neville goddard #god state #loa blog

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elumish · 1 year

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Some Things To Consider When Writing Weapons Training

Your character will hurt. Even if they don't get hit, it can be exhausting training, especially if they're just starting. It can be a weird set of muscles to use, and things like their shoulders will hurt if they do what a lot of people do and tense up while holding the weapon.

They will drop the weapon. There are a lot of reasons why people drop weapons--because the weapon is awkward to hold or the person isn't used to holding them, because it gets hit out of the person's hand, because their own hand gets hit, etc--but it happens.

People get hit by accident all the time--including the person holding the weapon. When I've done jō practice, I consider it a success if I don't hit myself with it while I'm practicing. And even when doing controlled sparring or paired katas, people still end up hitting each other, especially on places like the hand.

Practice weapons still hurt. Depending on what you're doing, they're usually made of either wood or rubber rather than metal, but just because they're not metal, it doesn't mean they don't hurt. Bruises are really standard, especially if you're practicing something like knife fighting where you're doing a lot of hand-to-hand blocking.

The goal of training is not to hurt your opponent. People who (intentionally or through carelessness) hurt their sparring partners are bad at training and will probably be kicked out of it or at least get a very strong talking to. Good training will also teach them how to train without getting hurt and strongly discourage doing things in a dangerous way.

What they wear will differ widely depending on the discipline. HEMA and fencing tend to have a fair amount of protective gear (helmet, etc.), as does kendo, while disciplines like aikidō, iaidō, and jūjutsu are more likely to have people wearing a gi or hakama. This will impact how they feel about hitting opponents--it's always riskier to hit someone in a place with no protective gear.

Some weapons' training is primarily defensive, and some is primarily offensive, and some is both. Some training (knife defense, gun defense) is primarily about disarming someone with one of those weapons, where the actual use of the weapon is just as a training tool. In those cases, the specifics of the attack are usually emphasized less than the specifics of the defense. HEMA and fencing are much more offense-focused, with the goal being more about landing a hit. In forms like that (or in a similar fictional form), you'll see the mentality that the best defense is a good offense, as opposed to the mentality that the best defense is a good defense (or the best defense is running away).

Knowing one form of weapons training is (often) helpful in learning another. Even while they differ a fair amount, different weapons styles can often use similar patterns in terms of strikes, blocks, and steps. Part of this is that there are only so many useful places to hit a person and only so many ways to step. There are other things that are fairly universal as well, like awareness of your blade and your opponent's blade, awareness of your body, and awareness of relative distance.

#weapons #martial arts #training

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m4rried2the-moon · 4 months

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⁽ 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘢 𝘱𝘪𝘤 ⁾ 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘨𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘴

this is a reading i recently did for myself, it’s basically just to take a look at what your fears are, how to overcome them and the outcome of that.

please only take what resonates, listen to your intuition closely. don’t second guess that gut feeling!

pile 1 - king of swords, five of swords, ace of swords, two of cups, five of cups (overcome: seven of cups outcome: two of wands, nine of swords and six of swords)

okay pile one, are you struggling with feelings of defeat and mental guardedness?or maybe you fear someone/something around you who is making your life harder in some way. you’re very in your head, pile one, and your feelings. there could be hesitation to start something new or take action on an idea or project you’ve been thinking of. have you been hurt in the recent past? i see that you may fear starting a new relationship or putting your faith in a new one, letting go of past failed relationships/hopes may be difficult in this moment.

to overcome this, allow this opportunity to be a blessing. this is not a trick, this is not a test. it’s an opportunity to open yourself up to new adventures, friendships, a new major success — whatever resonates for you! the outcome of this is more options, seeing that if you take a chance on this beginning, you’ll see that your fears were in vain and you’ll be able to find peace in this transition.

pile 2 - five of swords, queen of cups, ten of cups, two of wands, three of cups (overcome: three of swords, six of pentacles outcome: seven of cups and nine of cups)

pile two, have you been struggling with loneliness? feel like the folks associated with this pile are very sensitive people, you may have experienced trauma in the recent past (issues with betrayal, unnecessary conflict, grudge holding maybe) and your fear may be of never being able to find true fulfillment. an emotional guard is present with this pile but it’s clear that your desire is pure in wanting what seems to simply be more emotionally fulfilling and engaging relationships/interactions. do you feel trapped by stagnation?

to overcome this, when reflecting on your trauma, past regrets or fears of loneliness, remember that just like stormy weather, this too shall pass. be open to sharing, to generosity with those around you. engage with someone you wouldn’t typically engage with or pause to be gentler with yourself. give yourself and others grace as source will grant you. this heartbreak will not end in vain. the outcome of this is a realization your dreams are directly in your grasp and you aren’t only deserving of receiving them but you may be already.

pile 3 - queen of swords, two of wands, king of swords, the fool, eight of of swords, six of pentacles (overcome: four of pentacles, ace of pentacles and three of swords outcome: queen of pentacles, ace of cups and queen of cups)

pile three, are you struggling with discouragement? it feels like there may be multiple factors (people, responsibilities, self) weighing in on your life. these things are making you feel like you’re not able to be happy or free. are you easily influenced, pile three? it feels like while you are able to dream and hope for better, it seems like you haven’t been able to get back to positivity or optimism in a while. this may be an effect of these varying factors discouraging you. there may even be an opportunity for a new start if you have the confidence to pursue it. do you fear there is nothing or worse for you beyond this?

to overcome this, look past your stronghold on your own solitude. look ahead into ‘what if?’ there seems to be a chance here to create a new perspective, a chance to grow from whatever kept you stagnant. what if the road less traveled leads to happiness beyond like any you’ve experienced before? the outcome of this is the opportunity to love — the gift of realizing abundance is endless once you accept this as fact. in my opinion, life is supposed to be enjoyable and easy; without feeling alive, life is purely existence.

that’s it for now, hope this helped and you got everything you needed <3 please remember to like/reblog!

#pick a card #tarotblr #tarotcommunity #pick a pile #pick a picture #pick a reading #tarot reading

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buccini555 · 6 months

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𝐎𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 — 𝐈𝐳𝐚𝐧𝐚 𝐊𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚

⊹ ｡ﾟ⁖ Izana finds it extremely difficult to show feelings, but on a day when he was sensitive, he ended up confessing to you all the suffering he felt and how much you helped him overcome his problems and traumas, but he also confesses how afraid he is of you abandoning him

⊹ ｡ﾟ⁖ x m a l e r e a d e r!

⊹｡ﾟ⁖ 𝐹𝑡. Izana Kurokawa

A cold winter day, the snow gradually covered the dry trees, Izana was sleeping while you were just reading a book in front of a slope, it didn't take long for him to wake up, then you noticed him going down the stairs, so discouraged, that weather, all that blizzard, you definitely knew that Izana remembered things that she maybe wanted to forget.

"Come here, Izana! Don't you want to lie on my lap?" You said, Izana just remained silent, resting his head on your lap and closing his eyes, so as not to disturb him, you just processed your reading.

"...It's good to have you here." Izana whispered, taking comfort in your legs.

"Hmm? It's good to have you here too..." You said cheerfully, until you noticed the tears in his eyes.

"Izana? D-don't cry, what happened?" You were definitely worried, since Izana refused to cry in front of you.

"I wish this suffering in my mind would stop, the memories, the feeling of being rejected, all of this will always haunt me, do you understand?" Izana said, getting up and hugging you, he definitely wanted to vent, those lines made your heart sink, knowing how difficult it was for him.

"I have a war in my mind and I just can't win it." Again, Izana said in a low tone, you just stroked the boy's platinum hair, making him as comfortable as possible.

"...If you hadn't saved me from myself, I don't know where I would be. You were the only boy who could love a mess like me." Hugging you more vigorously, he just let those words slip away.

"Don't talk about yourself like that, I love you anyway." You responded immediately, stating your feelings for him.

"It's a challenge to love someone like me, you wouldn't understand." Still trying to control his insistent crying, the blonde said in a tone of sadness and disappointment.

"I-Izana..." You didn't know what to say, hearing him speak so harshly about himself was something that hurt you deeply.

"I hate showing love, I hate showing feelings, I hate all of this... But, boy, I need to tell you how much I love you, even though it doesn't seem like it, you were the only person I had left and I still fear losing you." Izana confessed what he always wanted to confess, the fear of losing you had tormented him for a long time, since he was totally attached to you, he simply didn't want to feel the pain of being left aside again.

Just wait, you continued to give affection to Izana, you know that she would never abandon him whatever the situation.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry for saying such nonsense." Izana spoke again, hiding his own tears.

"It's not stupidity, it's your feelings, I'm happy to know how much you love me, I will never, never abandon you." You said right away, caressing the brunette's face and making him open a small smile.

"P-please hug me as tight as you can, okay?" Izana asked gently, looking at you with those beautiful eyes as if you were a puppy.

"Right!" Hugging him, you responded again.

"You're such a sweetheart..." He said as he hugged you after finally calming down.

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 5 months

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AITA for "feeding my ex's internalised transphobia" by refusing to date a man as a lesbian? TW for internalised transphobia, mentions of rape and SA

TLDR: i am a lesbian. my teenage partner was sexually abusive to me for a year, mostly through enforced sexist rp scenarios. now, they are out as non-binary and accuse me of misandry and transandrophobia because i once told them i would not date a man regardless of his agab

I (NB20) started dating my ex (NB23) when i was 15. I was always openly a lesbian. When we met a year before we started dating, they identified as a butch. Throughout our relationship they explored their gender identity more, toying with the idea of being vaguely transmasc. I never had a problem with it; i enjoyed being in a butch/femme relationship and honouring their masculinity as much as I could.

For context, I am a very outspoken hardcore feminist; I don't like to generalise and i have a lot of love for the men in my life, but I have also made a couple of "kill all cishet men" jokes at a safe setting, with people who know exactly where I actually stand. I don't hate men, I just don't find them attractive and think they should be raised better. One day, they asked me if i would still be attracted to them if they fully transitioned and started living as a man. I told them I wouldn't; in my head, being butch/masc is extremely different to being a man, and I appreciated their presentation as a part of them being a lesbian (gender expression =/= gender identity, after all). They assured me that this was just a hypothetical question and just them being curious about my boundaries and limits, ended the conversation, and never brought it up again. My ex was very into roleplay during sex, and I was on board with it initially. After a while, however, the scenes they wanted to act out began to get extremely degrading, bordering on abusive, where they were embodying a man in a position of power (something that i was extremely uncomfortable with), while I was a vulnerable woman (usually a sex worker) getting degraded or even raped. Although I was deeply disturbed by some of the things we did, I was a child at the time, they were my first and i wasn't theirs. I wasn't ready to have sex yet and didn't know how to defend myself. Even when I tried to set a boundary, they would press on and claim it was their way of processing trauma, and that I was manipulative for attempting to withhold that from them. Eventually, with the help of a therapist and my family I ended things between us. I dreaded talking to or about them to anyone and mostly kept quiet about it all. Back to the present day, one of my old mutuals found my new account and texted me. They told me that my ex was posting about me, and that I should be ashamed of myself if what they said was true. I gathered up enough courage to view the posts myself. Their story is very different from what I remember. They claim I was being a misandrist and by extension transandriphobic (in their words, my distaste for the behaviour of cishet men was very damaging for masc people. it is weird, because healthy expressions of masculinity are the last thing i would judge a man for). They also claimed I made their internalised transphobia worse by refusing to date them if they transitioned. I have moved on with my life, but now other people are mixed in and im honestly at a loss. I never forced them to be someone they weren't with me. I never shamed them for their masculinity or discouraged them from exploring their identity, I just stated that dating a trans man wouldn't agree with my sexuality. A healthy response would be to be honest with me, and give me the right to decide for myself whether i would stay with them through their transition or only be able to support them as a friend. They could even just leave without justifying anything.

I don't know. Maybe my trauma is blinding me, but I keep going over the memories in my head trying to figure out how I might be the one behind all that hatred and violence. I don't want to be unfair to them, even if it's just in my own mind, so I'm just speaking up about it for the first time in my life through an AITA tumblr post. Any advice or insight is appreciated.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #rape cw

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