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yonpote · 3 months

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ok heres how i split up the dnp eras (loosely based on dan's timeline in his interview w anthony)

2009-2011: the Sillies era :3 dan refered to it as being a dumb teen just posting cuz he was bored, which is like, thats what all of youtube culture was at this time. they met and like fell in love or whatever you know the lore dont you. phil moved from his parents home to his first apartment in manchester, and dan technically moved to uni but really he moved into phil's apartment to take advantage of his washing machine and ps1 and. yknow. other stuff. they officially moved in together in 2011 yippee hooray, the phanchester apartment holds a special place in my heart

2012-2013: THE SHIFT. they started getting Serious about youtube as a career, doing more stuff w the radio, superamazingproject started in 2011 but THE SHIFT is very easy to observe when you compare the first season of sap to the last season. ALSO. they were NOT A DOUBLE ACT AND NOT GAY 🙄. it could also be called the No Homo era lmao idk this is when a lot of shitty things were happening wrt leaked information, harassment of their families, and just generally becoming more in the spotlight especially while still in the closet being a horrible experience. but also, they moved to london and got cool opportunities with radio stuff and were starting to actually make a living on this shit.

2014-2016: Peak Dan And Phil™ Era. at the height of their popularity. they realized oh shit, we ARE a double act and not only does everyone enjoy us best as a double act, WE enjoy working together. tabinof, tatinof, dapgo, still doing the radio every month up until they start touring, 7 second challenge app, gamingmas, what the hell DIDNT they do during this time period (what they didnt do was uhh take care of themselves and not overwork and not blur their work and personal lives so much to the point where they felt like the whole apartment was a film set.)

2017-2018: Gay Softlaunch Era (aka post-baking aka glass closet) the baby steps toward authenticity, moved to the double apartment to separate work and life, ii's whole theme, dan talking abt depression, phil getting the quiff, both of them being gay as hell in every way other than saying it explicitly. important things of note: TRUTH BOMBS dropped, Interactive Introverts happened, still uploading gaming vids and honestly by the end you could feel their fatigue. and then they hiatused dapg.

2019-2022: ok these four years each feel like whole eras in themselves, but also theres an overarching theme. THE GAY ERA.

2019: im gonna futher split this year in half. first half- dad left to buy milk so other dad is taking care of us. rough six months for dannies im sure. important phil thing of note- he changed his film set from his "bedroom" to a fairly basic but cute shelf backdrop. honestly prob didnt wanna keep pretending that was his bedroom considering.... second half- DAN AND PHIL GAY. dan uploads his magnum opus. phil comes out via tweet. they go to japan and its really gay and it's The Trip to japan for them like yes they first went in 2015 and again in 2023, but Japhan 2.0 Was The One. what does this mean? proposal? anniversary? idk exactly but it was gay as hell dude and theyve talked about that trip with such love in their hearts.

2020: Phandemic (sorry that was bad) but also where tf is dan again? even with the big C-word happening, it was business as usual for phil, regular vids but make em gayer, caught a pigeon nbd, and end of the year introduces the Stereo app show Phil and Phriends where he's had chats with pj, louise, his brother, seth everman?????, and finally. dan reappears. they reveal that they bought and FULLY PLANNED a house together and are ready to move!

2021: they don't move house for another like six months! basically their house was (and is??) still being worked on AND they were in lockdown AND turns out at the end of last year, they were kicked from their Life apartment and were now living in the Work apartment so you can imagine what all of this can do to their psyche and lowkey they were getting sick of each other like it wasnt just bordering on phivorce it was nearly Phurder. Phidow. but to fill the time so that DOESNT happen, my favorite fucking thing ever happens: Lockdown Lads (and all the other names). the first taste of what a dnp podcast would sound like, with the added bonus of chaotic listener interaction. oh yeah also dan wrote a mental health guide book whatever (IM KIDDING I REALLY LIKE YWGTTN I WROTE LIKE TWO REVIEWS ON IT NOW) and they finally become Homosexual Homeowners. theres quite a bit more dnp content this year, dan being on phils channel a bit more, the phodcasts, dan's gay and not proud special.... oh yeah and hometown showdown i guess AND TEXT VIDEO 2!!! my favorite and my namesake!!!!!!!

2022: Prophecy Year..... but they didnt get married. dan returns with another longass video to say: hey i hate being a youtuber and also youtube majorly fucked me over. but also fuck that im gonna do a weird talk show and ALSO GO ON TOUR WITH THIS APOCALYPSE THEME! phil actually... slows down this year. more dan uploads than phil somehow??? but also Dan Is Leaving me is posted and i go completely insane and become the deranged individual you see today. WHICH FINALLY LEADS US TOOOOOO

2023-present: The Unhinged Era. dan's tour was a huge Emotional success for him but uh not without its hiccups due to management and all that and i think he and phil finally realize. Fuck It Who Cares. dan flies back to england FROM AUSTRALIA to make sure he can be with his future ex-husband on his birthday. CAKE HEART EMOJI. YELLOW PLAID SHACKET. they go on a gamer date and post a picture of playing footsies in a cab. THE PHUDE HAPPENS. they go to japan again and while this one will never be The One it was still a well earned holiday this time with bryony! and they took a bunch of very cute film camera pictures.... THIS IS ALL JUST THE FIRST HALF OF 2023 BTW. in phil news, he talks about going to therapy and figuring out how to manage his anxiety!!!! he changes his hair again!! he hires an editor, phan is his otp, he teases about the gaming channel a couple of times but so many of us already dropped any hope of that returning- OH WAIT WHAT THE FUCK?!!!? HUH!??!? they returned, and more chaotic than ever before. the gayness upped to the max, the Weirdness on full speed, the Horniness at Very Scary Levels Oh God Stop Talking About Dogging, phil can swear uncensored now???? and this energy has continued into today...

#the shift #softlaunch #myrambles #phan

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hatsunemiku-official · 10 months

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ABOUT ME-KU

(+ FAQ / VOCALOID-OFFICIAL MASTERPOST)

hi! im miku and welcome to Internet! you can do lots of fun things here. like look at my blog! ok im gonna hand the mic over to the omnipotent being that watches my every move

thanks miku. here are some things to remember before you send an ask:

- I am not associated with crypton, sega, or the official miku twitter! im just a guy making funny post

- miku lives in a computer. i probably won’t answer anything referring to her doing things in the real world, since saying “I am in a computer what are you talking about” is only funny the first five times

- I use my askbox as a jumping off point for jokes! if I don’t answer your ask it’s not because I didn’t like it, I just probably couldn’t think of anything funny to respond with

- I love receiving art!!!!!!! please send me your miku art!!!!!!! you can even send me a link to your art posted on your own blog and I’ll reblog it so you still get the notes!!!! I LOVE ART!!!!!! (also the ai training toggle has been turned off for this blog so. you’re safe here.)

- there are some things you should speak to a mental health professional about ( ie “i just can’t go on” “my life is terrible” ect) and you should not send these things to hatsune miku. i understand and empathize with you but I cannot help you and it’s very upsetting to receive things like this !

- anything written in parentheses for the most part is an ooc comment from the person running this blog (that’s me!). I don’t like doing this very often though, so if you have a question that can only really be answered ooc then please ask it off anon so I can respond privately!

- please remember I am just one person and sometimes I make mistakes! im a pretty busy person and also disabled so sometimes things slip through the cracks when im low energy. I do my best though so please let me know if you think i’ve made a mistake and i’ll do my best to fix it :]

- sometimes I like to reblog miku art from other people! please be respectful in these artists notes. I know this is a silly jokes blog but these people have not necessarily signed up to be goofed at on their posts. please be kind and keep the clowning to a minimum on posts that aren’t made by me!

- no TERFS allowed. hatsune miku loves trans women

FAQ

Q: can I make a vocaloid-official blog too???

A: yes!!!! anybody can!! please let me know if you do so I can add you to the masterpost and interact with you! I would check the masterpost first though to make sure there hasn’t already been a blog made for that character :]

Q: do you also run [insert other vocaloid-official blog]?

A: no! I can barely think of funny things to say here do you really think I could manage being funny on two blogs at once. I am friends with the people who run the teto, luka and una blogs so if our posts seem coordinated it’s because I asked them really nicely

Q: who runs this account?

A: secret

Q: miku what’s your opinion on [insert queer identity]

A: I don’t like answering these because I don’t want to open myself up to shitty comments and I can’t think of anything funny to say that wouldn’t just sound like “ally twitch streamer smiling at the camera and saying trans rights”. this blog is run by a queer person and miku is whatever you want her to be, if that helps.

Q: i made a vocaloid-official blog! how do I get added to the masterpost?

A: adding people to the masterpost has gotten really overwhelming for me so I won’t be doing it anymore. sorry! feel free to still make a vocaloid-official blog and interact with me if you want, I just won’t be updating the masterpost anymore. the current list will stay up as it is as sort of like. a memento or something.

Q: do you know anything about PJSK???

A: no <3

OFFICIAL VOCALOID-OFFICIAL MASTERPOST

these are my Official Friends! go say hi to them!!

🥖 @kasaneteto-official

🐟 @megurineluka-official

🐙 @otomachi-una-official

🍷 @hanakomeiko-official

💛 @neruakita-official

🍌 @kagaminelen-official

🍊 @kagaminerin-official

🍦@kaitoshinon-offical

🐢 @ryuto-official (RESURRECTED)

💜 @vflower-official

🥕 @gumi-official

🖤 @zatsunemiku-official

🍡 @tohokuzunko-official

🩹 @fukase-official

🔌 @utatanepiko-official

🐰 @yukari-official

🩵 @ringsuzune-official

⚓️ @oliverv3-official

🌷 @nekomurairoha-official

🥢 @vocaloidcul-official

☕️ @rukoyokune-official

🥂 @meiko-offical

👑 @galaco-official

🐱 @seeu-official

🌸 @meikahime-official

🪻 @meikamikoto-official

🍆 @gakupo-official

🎀 @utanekoe-official

🌹 @sakinemeiko-official

🔪 @mayuofficial

🛰️ @moonbase-alpha-tts-official

🍺 @yowane-haku-official

🪐 @ia-official

🎹 @namineritsu-official

☁️ @tone-rion-official

🎤 @maika-official

🌈 @kawaiine-official

🍏 @macnenana-official

🌻 @dex-official

💗 @garnetvocaloid-official

💿 @yohioloid-official

🌺 @zhizidongfang-official

🤍 @kokone-official

🐸 @vocaloidrana-official

🌟 @xingchen-official

🍎 @yuki-official

🌿 @fionetheutau-official

💫 @sfa2miki-official

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washa · 7 months

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as @xanyiaz has posted, i am listening to Avior's playlist (finally) ‼️ So here are some of my favourite things i've said

spoilers ahead for videos 1 to 5 (It's not separated so. Can't tell you what belong to what video sorry 💔)

(i'll probably post a part 2 later)

I'm gonna fight him

he's talking abt closeknit isn't he???

im crying he rifted into hell?? 😭😭

BROS GOT SOME MENTAL WARFARE SO CREATED A HELL??

oh god just rift me back please

i might actually start sobbing if be keeps complimenting Aria

Did he just fall into the fucking circle or fire.???

HELP I CALLED IT LMFAOAOAO HE DID FALL

i imagined he just flopped onto the ground like a pancake

HELP AM I BAIT RN??? WDYM TOUCH IT ⁉️

Working conditions my ass you are just a walking OSHA violation

YOU CANT JUST SAY THAT AND GO "well it's your choice 😊"

and i wanna marry his vocabulary

ok i touched it now what?? do i start spouting shit

PROCREATE??? you wanna try or something??

Wait why are we talking about children???

also ur not imperfect doll just stubborn and slightly an ass

he's basically in quarantine rn

yeah starlight shut up i love dramatic pacing

he just sips on whatever feelings he wants like somebody coulda lost their dog and he just like "oh yummy sad nom nom"

HELP HE JUST FOUND A PERSON W MENTAL PROBLEMS AND GOES YUMMY FOOD

he just knocked you out and threw you in a meridian and waved you off w the same energy as "have a nice day of school kids 🤗"

dreamwalkers are basically jigglypuffs but with more pain then

its not everyday i get trapped in hell w a demon who got clickbaited by a cult member

again not really seeing why we cant just say fuck it and jump into said meridian (yes the foreshadowing is hilarious ik 😕)

why is he talking to me like im in labour "take a breath before you push again" my ass

HELLO AM I STUCK FINGERING THE DAMN MERIDIAN?? PULL ME OUT PLEASE??

wait if i die do i just respawn like a minecraft character?? do i just appear again at my set point or something 😭

HELP I JUST CATAPULTED BACK?? I just recoiled away from the merdian and ejected into the ring pits of hell??? Did my body make a boiing sound like those spring doorstops??

ofc i broke my damn leg. ofc i broke my damn leg 😮‍💨

ain't it hot rn? like fire is right below us 😭

What else is broken??? yk despite my fucking mental state probably

Ok ok Avior dearie, shit, is not what you say when treating a probably VERY broken arm. Like an arm whose bones would've probably put a bowl of mash potatoes to shame.

Wait was starlight like walking down the fucking street and a rift just appeared underneath them and they just fell down the damn thing???

Well ik why im here, because, perhaps, crazy idea, it was bc you rifted me here ‼️

guesses and theories?? what is this?? fucking blues clues???

by your sink hole logic, if we just lay here and wait for help it would be the best choice rn. bc like the more we crawl out, the more parts of the wall will fall in and trapping us more

NOT THE I JUST WANNA GO HOME PLEASE HES SO SWEET

the most cliche scratch on the cheek AND THE TOUCHING URGH😭

god he's like a shitty sour patch kid. Sour then salty, then sweet and hopefully not gone iygwim.

#redacted avior #redacted starlight #redacted audio #redacted asmr #washa rants!!

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luffythinker · 6 months

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said it was ok for me to come back and talk about Shigaraki/Dabi so now im gonna do that. Like, im not going into canon events all that much and my version of LOV is like face view these are bad guys but they are people and everything isn't happening back to back so take it as a silly scenario i guess? possibly an AU?

What do you think about trans Shigaraki coming out to Dabi while drunk? like Dabi just accepts it and when Shigs done with his hangover the next day he remembers he came out to him like "oh shit i really did that" and now he's insecure because he thinks Dabi's gonna view him differently, not that his view matters but it does.

This needs context. Lets say after kamino that's when the gang really started to be friends they all started treating eachother with a little more respect but your all still my bitches - everyone in the league probably 2023 lol

Dabi and Shigs have been getting super close, like it's not boss and henchmen it's we are almost equals but you know im in charge winky face. After a heist they always have pizza partys or whatever they can steal for dinner cause we don't have kurogiri :( Shigs and dabs always sit close enough for their shoulders or knee to touch and Dabi notices Shigs getting a little too up in the air. Dabi is not gonna be that ass so he takes Shigs outside to get some air and water away from everyone "can't see out leader looking like a he got drugged at the bar" and when i say he picks him up he throws him over his shoulder, nobody says anything cause he's just taking care of Shigs they just get a comedic voice from Twice like "STRIKE, your out!" followed by laughter Dabi gets him to get some water going through his body but he's high as a astronaut and sweating, Dabi makes sure his gloves are on and is just genuinely taking care of him complaining about how he rather not be but he really doesn't mind he's just putting on a show for noone, Shigs is mumbling and crying fake/real? tears about how being "Tomura" is hard work and at first Dabi thinks he's just talking nonsense until he starts complaining about his binder and how he fucking can't breath in it 9 times out of 10 of the time and Dabi's like "wait, what?" and he just continues to go on about how his shitty dad would always dress him up in a dress want him to be a propper young lady while sticking his pinky out and everything. He was compared to his sister all the time and he hated it Dabi is being flooded with information he can't have time to processes and he ask Dabi "If i told you i was trans would you hate me?" Like any of this is supposed to mean something to Dabi and Dabi tells him he needs to go to bed. After that night Dabi is internally freaking out "What just happen? why???" and he can't sleep that night after the fact Shigs is avoiding Dabi which is strange for everyone to watch and they think their in a huge fight. Himiko keeps asking Dabi what he did and Dabi tells her to butt out.

if you care about this i'll come back for a part 2

i honestly hold bnha canon events very in the back of my mind, at this point i barely remember the order of things, so yeah don't worry about staying truthful to a timeline or anything cause i assure you i most likely don't remember muchdjjdflkfk

and i absolutely love trans shigaraki, even in canon he gives me big non binary vibes so!!!!

oh my god i love how you painted this picture, his childhood was super hard with his father and transphobia. He probably felt like himself for the first time after he left the family and could explore his gender by himself. He knew since early age he wasn't a girl, so he would fully invest himself into looking like how he feels. I think AFO giving him a new name also marks his transitioning, he has always had a smaller chest so the binder helps with keeping it flat, but it is shigaraki so obviously he doesn't have the greatest relationship with himself, so he wears it super tight to the point it hurts him (i think its some kind of internal punishment). He never really told anyone about it because it's not anyone's business, but he likes dabi so it just feels so weird to not tell him that, not that he really wanted to because he doesn't want things to change but he also lowkey wants to be accepted fully as he is, while also too scared of being rejected again.

telling dabi about it while he's drunk is so on brand because he would never master up the courage to do it sober, i think the day after he would act like nothing happened and hope dabi wouldn't bring it up, but I'm curious to see how dabi would confront him about this from your pov!!!

(this might be weird but i really like shigaraki, like i think he's such a good villain)

#shigadabi #shigaraki tomura #dabi #mha #bnha #rei replies

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aedificloudio · 10 months

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JUST REALISED IM LIKE 66% OF THE MAFUAKI TAG????? AND NO ONES POSTED CRAZY INSANE BRAINROT HERE??? IM ALONE??? WHAT THE FUCK MAN

ok whatever i’ll i i here’s more insanity under the cut

this is genuinely just brainrot, headcanons, and random character analysis abt mafuaki and their dynamic

mafuyu is aromantic in my brain 🫶 so her dating him is genuinely just her fucking around bc shes bored and wants to feel something

also mafuyu is good at everything too so its double hitting the complex

hes never gonna be good enough

LIKE mafuyu's whole thing is being the perfect daughter who is good at everything despite not giving a shit about any of it, so she finds it really funny that akito has self esteem issues and is constantly comparing his abilities to other people

shes probably like

wow. this is smth i really dont experience

and ig she also compares it to ena's behaviour and shes defs like "oh yeah they sure as fuck are related'

coz the shinonomes are teeming with jealousy and inferiority because they can never live up to the standard they want

ena has complicated feelings about art because all her life she's being told she'll never make it

and akito knows hes nowhere near as good as the rest of vbs and he tries to hide it behind a tough guy persona

its so gap moe...

MAFUYU drags him to her room one day and keeps him in a fucking garbage bag/bodybag duct taped and cuffed and hes like freaking out bc even tho he did consent to this (he wanted to see her room) the fact she WENT THROUGH w this at all w/o a hint of remorse is downright terrifying

also when he looks around her room and how barren it is hes like 😟

"ohhh im so fucked why am i here"

he also accidentally finds out mafuyu composes music and its better than anything hes ever written to the point he fucking cries LOL

i would assume like

their rls is super casual coz theyre both busy

but they make time to see each other because a) akito gets to flex he has a girlfriend b) mafuyu finds him decently entertaining to which she's surprised about c) its a win-win

AND IDK its just super entertaining to me

thinking abt a shitty crack beach episode 25ji and vbs crossover.....

mafuyu in a swimsuit 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

mizuki in a sun dress or some shit and refusing to go in the water

kanade fucking dies.png

ena is there for her socmed

kohane and an in couple drip and they fucking slay

toya is barely allowed to go and hes in some expensive swimsuit and kinda pathetic. like. hes all "wow this is my first time!"

akito thinks ena is so embarassing rn but Holy Shit Mafuyu Has D Cups

hes so repressed abt being gay he tricks himself into liking boobs. or maybe hes bi idk

teenage boy crisis of "NO i cant like men i love boobs ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️"

(guy who dreams about making out with toya)

also i just think its funny that toya is completely oblivious in this au until either halfway or the end bc hes fr just

"yayy i have friends!!"

😭😭😭

akito is scared shitless of mafuyu tho bc he's begun to notice her smiles don't reach her eyes

and any friend of ena's has hella issues

i don't think mafuyu ever really opens up to him about her mental issues but akito isnt completely dumb, he can kinda sense that theres smth wrong w her, especially like. the fact she has an empty aquarium in her room is fucking FREAKY

also the way he has to be snuck in there is just 💀 ermm rip girlie

mafuyu's parents knock on her door and she throws him out the window

i’m so normal abt them

#mafuaki #project sekai #mafuyu asahina #akito shinonome

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satanfemme · 1 year

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im really trying to find a place in my spirituality/religion/personal philosophy or whatever as an excatholique. idk. i get that it takes time and effort to find a new place in the world. but right now really i just wanna smoke a fat blunt with ol luci downstairs. any advice?

honestly? my advice is that if right now u wanna smoke a fat blunt with luci, you should literally go ahead and do that (u know, metaphorically speaking lol). try it out! see if it fits! it might, or it might not, or it might feel good now and then bad in a few weeks/months/years -- and if that happens you can just try something else out instead. nothing wrt ur personal spirituality needs to be inherent, permanent, or serious.

letting urself experiment with different beliefs/paths is hard when you're raised catholic, but ime it's the only way you're gonna find a comfortable niche! just keep it no-pressure, low-stakes. because it is. genuinely. I 100% promise. despite what the church sometimes teaches, an all loving g-d will always forgive you and welcome you back if you change your mind later or if you wanna go back at any point. and this is just my personal opinion: but most deities are like that in general too.

being a human is so hard and confusing if you get too focused on the big picture. so for now, focus on this moment. pursue however you feel in this exact moment. then stay mindful. and when the moment changes, you may notice the way you feel changes too, and then you should pursue that instead. this includes taking a break when you want to take a break, or analyzing your beliefs through a psychiatric lens if you ever notice a pattern of distress.

stay open, too. read and learn from as many varying sources as you can. different religions, sects, teachers, philosophers, etc. and be critical of those sources. ask yourself, "why do they believe this? why do they want others to believe this? who does this benefit? who might this hurt?", as well as "if I followed these teachings, who would I be? would I be the person I want to be? would I be someone else? how would I benefit? how would others benefit? could this hurt me in any way? could this hurt others in any way?" thirdly, pay attention to the other people involved in whatever you're looking at, and ask, "are these the kinds of people I want to surround myself with? are these the kinds of people I want my unaffiliated friends, s/o, or family to associate with? how do they treat people with different beliefs? how do they treat me? what do they have to gain or lose from me joining them? would they be ok if I left later on?"

and on a serious note: learn the BITE model. cults are real, and prey upon questioning people. scientology, mormonism, and jehovah's witnesses are all cults and dangerous. in the left hand path, joys of satan is a cult. the church of satan and satanic temple are not cults (afaik) but deeply flawed/harmful in fairly covert ways. individual churches/groups within an otherwise harmless religious sect can also be cults, so don't necessarily trust people based on the seemingly-safe labels they advertise. also, relatedly, please please go out of ur way to actively research antisemitism, dog whistles, and antisemitic appropriation. these prejudices are unavoidable no matter what path you look at (excluding judaism itself, I'm assuming), so you're inevitably going to encounter them again and again (and most likely already have). don't contribute to that harm.

anyways, that's a lot to process but I hope it helps. I understand how difficult this can be, myself being an excatholic occultist/devil worshiper (who still holds loose ties to catholicism anyway cause fr this shit isn't serious and it's fun to mix-n-match). and btw if ur ever really craving xtianity but don't wanna put up with the shittiness of most xtian churches, universal unitarianism is generally pretty ok and openly leftist (and not strictly xtian either, but that still kinda depends on the individual church imo).

wishing u the best of luck!

#Anonymous

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forestryfae · 6 months

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one really fun thing about having a mom and a dad like mine is that i literally cant enjoy anything if it isnt neccessary and i have to keep reminding myself that it doesnt have to be useful or a neccessity to be ok to have and that just because i CAN go without something for a while doesnt mean i should have to

like. okay maybe i CAN go the whole day without eating, or i CAN go the whole day with only one meal. but i dont HAVE to and im not lazy and fat for getting dinner even if i "havent done" anything that day. i dont have to do a million chores that day just to be justified in eating. i dont need to be completely out of pants or tshirts or socks or underwear or whatever to justify wanting a couple extra pairs of socks so i dont run out so quick, or simply not enjoying some of my clothes cus theyre uncomfortable to wear. i shouldnt have to justify that, it is what it is and i shouldnt have to feel like i NEED someone to tell me its ok for me to buy extra socks or more tshirts or whatever. and they dont HAVE to be uncomfortable or pretty. they can just be comfortable and i can just enjoy wearing them.

similarly i shouldnt have to justify having fucking needs and emotions. i simply hate living in my house, thats just somethign that is, and it makes sense, i shouldnt need to literally beg people to justify it for me cus i dont feel that what im saying is good enough. i shouldnt have to feel embarrassed and like i have to overexplain why i hate the house and why its miserable living in there. yes it "technically" has a kitchen that works and a bathroom that works and ive got a bedroom and livingroom and washingmachine, so it "should tcehnically" be fine but it isnt. its fucking old, theres a piece of the wall where the insides are missing, cold air is leaking in in more than one place, the bathroom fucking sucks and the kitchen is gross, its lonely, the backyard is a mess, the garage is literally too dangerous to be inside due to shit engineering and a big fucking cement block in the roof, and its gonna cost me more to fic all of it than i can ever afford, plus its in the middle of fucking nowhere and i have to take the train to get to the nearest city just to buy groceries and i cant go in the summer at all. i shouldnt have to indirectly beg people to validate me when i try to justify why i dont like living there. just because mom and dad doesnt fucking care when i say i hate it there

i shouldnt have to justify or explain why something upsets me eitehr, it upsets me and that should be it. i should be allowed to be upset. i should be allowed to say i dont want to be treated a certain way and immediately being yelled at and told im not that special and i should get off my high horse and have literally every tiny thing ive ever done be thrown in my face to justify why i dont deserve to be treated nicely.

also similarly, i should be allowed to just. like things. just because i like them. instead of trying to force myself to like stuff i feel like i "should" like or i want to want to like. instead of thinking "i dont need that" because thats what my shit mom keeps telling me any time i even look at something nice. i cant even point at a nice dress and say "i like the pattern" without hearing my little sister or brother parrot it back to me cus they learned it from mom. also, just because i CAN go a whole day without eating and be fine, just like i did involuntarily due to shitty parenting, doesnt mean i should have to. i can just eat when im hungry instead of continuously telling myself at 10 am that dinners at 3 and i can wait. generally after 4 hours i can eat a second meal of the day, its fine, i dont need to be literally starving to be able to eat something. i dont need to justify not showering with "ill shower tomorrow morning cus work or whatever" no shut up i want a shower now and i need a shower now and its the only thing i can think of so lets shower now. its fine. literally doesnt hurt to shower just because i want to. doesnt hurt to eat just cus im hungry or i want to. its fine if i wanna do laundry even if its late in the day and its fine if i wanna skip an activity cus im tired or sad. idk why exactly im like this but i feel like my mom and dad constantly belittling me or brushing me off or just straight up ignoring me and not bothering to do their job as a parent cus "i should just do it myself" and "well why didnt you just eat a sandwich for dinner" and "well why didnt you just do this differently" for every little thing plus me not being allowed to want attention or need anything cus i "already have" something else or im "nagging" them might have something to do with it

"why didnt you just do this" well for starters i was scared to cut my own nails until i was like 11 or 12 or something cus i thought mom or dad was gonna scream at me at the top of their lungs and curse me out for doing something wrong. i wasnt allowed to do SHIT and i was never told when those limitations and rules didnt count anymore. there was no "youre old enough to cut your own nails just be careful" for literally anything. there was just screaming because i wasnt allowed to do something OR there was "you have to do this now" literally overnight with NO prior warning or explanation. i had to start going to school and waking up on my own overnight cus dad just told me the day before school after summer vacation that i had to. like. my brother way 6, i was 9 and id never done any of it alone, i wasnt even allowed to cut bread on my own, and if we didnt manage to do it on our own we had to call him and get screamed and cursed at for the whole ride to school cus he was "going to get fired" and "going to jail" and we were "helpless" and shit. like okay thanks for that, YOU raised me to be scared of doing literally anything on my own and never taught me anything, he literally treated me like i just knew everything he knew. wtf was i supposed to do.

anyways shoutout to my parents for making me scared of fuckign liking or wanting stuff. or even trying stuff. i see people who willingly buy shit just because they wanted it and not because they needed it just for fun and it drives me up the fucking wall. other people can just. buy stuff. and they dont need to justify it, they can just want it. meanwhile i have the most deranged way or approaching how to decide if i want to buy something or not and its so fucking unhealthy and i dont know why i do it, i just do and its part of why i hate shopping with other people, i like the peace of just quietly shopping on my own and working on it, instead of trying to get second opinions from people or feeling like i Have To Buy Something cus thats how quality time w my grandparents and cousin was like when i was a kid aunt uncle and cousin visit grandparents for the weekend, dad and us come along to visit and hang out, we spend a large amount of the time either shopping for new clothes or toys or candy, quality time w family then quickly becomes Shopping Is Love, dad doesnt give a shit about me but will buy me a soda after ive been talking to my therapist at 13, now giving people stuff and money is how youre supposed to show people you care. fucking deranged

in other words, i am not a bad person for struggling, im also not a shitty awful person for not being good at money, and im not a bad person for wanting to sell the majority of my furniture and other shit so ill have less to worry about and ill have less shit i dont use or want or need. im not a bad person for wanting to have some order in my life.

but yeah im also not a bad person for wanting stuff or wanting to actually enjoy my sorroundings and how life works for me and so on

#talkies

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tears-of-boredom · 7 months

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ok ok im gonna fucking vomit about baldurs gate now, beware of spoilers and shit.

so. first of all. baldurs gate is kind of the whole reason i broke windows lmao. that and trying to adjust the gamma levels on my shitty hp monitor. like, I found the game right? on gog. just. there. and I literally the whole time did not believe it was legit. literally only after i was in the game did i believe it. and I was struggling cuz the rar file took a shit ton of space, and i couldnt extract it because the rar file itself was the thing taking up all the space. thankfully windows saved the rar file when I reset, so literally the first thing i did was re-download 7zip and extract it. the feeling when i could delete the giant ass rar file was so satisfying. anyways yeah so. to the actual game.

so. i spent probably like 3 hours creating my character. they're a dwarf and a druid. and theyre only a druid because no other class had efficiency in sickles. i really fucking wanted those sickles. i need to look at the feats more closely because there might be one that gives you efficiency in sickles, so I can change my class to one I like more. i mean. i dont hate being a druid. but I like the uhh, sorcerer was it? i like the idea of that more. oh and also being a munk seems cool. basically i just want to reconsider my choices without the sickles being a factor there. oh and bard of course. as soon as I found out that sickles were a potential weapon, i so wanted to just be Sarmenti from darkest dungeon. but we'll have to see what i do.

so, the gameplay. first thought. what the fuck is going on. the ui was so foreign to me i was so confused. but in the end it took me like two minutes to be comfortable with it. i still really want to have control over the Y-axis of the camera, but if it must be so, I can handle it. and.

okay I cannot talk about these things in the order they happened because. Lae'zel is apparently into me. what the fuck. i literally thought she hated me and gave up on even befriending her. it was just so fucking out of knowhere man. i was so surprised. like I had given up on thinking of her that way completely. because she was clearly not interested. and her explanation. like i guess it makes sense but girl. give me a couple hints before hand alright? you can't just say that out of knowhere my guy. like jesus. like, I could not accept her in the end, because i was not sure if she was asking for a deeper relationship or just to have some fun. and the situation being what it was, i could not with confidence promise her a deeper relationship. because she has just lowkey been an asshole. and didnt agree with me on much either.

on the other hand. um. astarion. i. i feel like making a character a vampire is cheating. like straight up. I was so obsessed with Wyll, and astarion just seemed like kind of a rude person. but then. then when he's really hungry. out of all the people at the camp. he comes to me. and yeah yeah he did try to just drink out of me without my permission. but who am i to shame a hungry man. and sorry the scene? when I permit him to drink? and he does? dude. its fucking cheating to make a vampire. and then. and then he says my blood tastes really good. and then he says that he hasnt done that before. revealing just how desperate for blood he mustve been to approach me in the first place. and. and sorry but why does the game give you so many options to not like it. like sorry who doesnt want this man to suck their blood. like omg. the fact that you suffer from the blood loss? the fact that he gains bonuses from it? dear god. I. making him a vampire was cheating alright. straight up cheating. so so cheating. i wonder how monogamous the game forces you to be.

oh and the story parts or whatever? well. I keep having to ressurrect party members because i keep running into death traps. or creating them for myself. but im going to steal that idol from the grove druids. like maybe i should make my character a rouge or something because I literally want to steal every chance i get. literally no other reason than to just do it. and side note. is it spelled "rouge"? because i keep reading it like, like french for "red". but I cant think of other spellings for it.

tbh that wasnt anything about the story. i mean. the protector appeared to us. and I trust them. so im gonna lean into the powers more. and also astarion wants to do it too. as if I needed more reason.

and lastly uhh. i wish it was easier to sell your shit. like the multi-select isn't enough. i wish it remembered what items you put into wares, and then would automatically add them when you get new ones of those items. also I'm bleeding every merchant dry. they cannot resist my cauldrons and copper pots and non-silver-silverware. also the plates. there are so many plates. and im kind of afraid that at some point the game is gonna be like "remember all that shit youve been storing? hope you have a lot of them because now you need them!"

and also I am talking to every rat and squirrel i meet. they are my friends.

oh and. for the longest time i thought the only way to move the characters in combat was to jump. lmao.

#um #<-for some reason that tag doesnt show up anymore in the little reccommended tags it gives #so i hope im spelling it right #bg3 #media

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pepprs · 3 years

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hm. sure am not making anything easier for myself by doing what im doing and yet im doing it

#wasn’t going to post abt it but. i left a yr ago this week and like. all of the anniversaries are painful and hard and idk how to like. dea #w it. it sounds so pretentious like ohhhhh poor me i studied abroad so im special andquirky and different 🤪🤪🤪 but it was so hard for me to l #leave home and say goodbye and i didn’t know it would be a goodbye for good bc of covid and like. it’s so dramatic but i rly do feel like im #reliving the shutdown.. like MY shutdown. of my life here and it just ummmmmm hurts 😍 and like adding stuff to the tag and listening to sad #music and whatever doesn’t make it go away and probably makes it worse but idk how to deal w like. anniversaries of grief ever and well this #week is just ummmmm hard ♥️ ABD idk how im gonna deal w my phone reminding me where i was a yr ago for the next like 7 weeks lol. just need #get thru early march and then i’ll b fine but today was ummmmmm a lot and monday will be too and i feel hollowed out w grief. but i also #know i shouldn’t only see it as sad bc i was incredibly fortunate to have that opportunity and it changed my life for the better in so many #ways but that perspective shift is hard esp when i get like this. yeah ♥️#purrs #brighton #like it really has been one WHOLE YEAR since i was last on campus and saw some of the most important ppl in my whole life in person. ok 😍#ok not to like keep adding on to this it jjst is insane to me THST i was so scared to leave and i had reason to be and i didn’t know it. wtf #if i had known what was coming i don’t think i would have gone. but then again this is the middle of the story and maybe post covid i’ll #think abt it differently but rn.. i mean ik it probably wouldve been more traumatizing to be home for the shutdown like i would’ve gone #absolutely insane. but. like the timing of all of this was and is just so fucking SHITTY and i wish i’d had a little longer w everyone here #like i know i needed brighton and i don’t regret it except for when i do ♥️ bc i miss my old life so much. im insaaaane im crazaAaAaAy 😍

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bratz-kitten · 3 years

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blockages that the placements need to work through

here are some things i’ve been working on ft. the astrological placements that i believe they’re revelant to, in case anyone else needs this

sun aspecting venus, harsh aspects to the ascendant - saying no. it’s not so much like... a need to say yes to please other people, but a fear of saying no and facing the repercussions of it. lately i’ve been trying to simply say no to things that make me uncomfortable because turns out i do have a great difficulty setting boundaries lmfao. when my male friends make a sexual comment about me, i just say “stop, don’t talk about me like that” and when people invite me to hangouts that i don’t have the energy to go to i simply say “i won’t go, but thank you for inviting me”. the most difficult part is dealing with the guilt that comes with refusing others, and i’m telling myself that it’s okay to piss people off if it’s to maintain my feeling of safety

moon in capricorn, moon harshly aspecting saturn - letting myself depend on others. i’m coming to terms with the fact that i’m not as big of a lone wolf as i believe myself to be lmfao. like, it’s okay that i depend on my emotional bonds sometimes! it’s okay to allow myself to love with no restrictions, with no “but i can’t let them see me vulnerable”, with no “what do i get out of this connection?”, no “oh i have to be nonchalant about how much i care for them or else they’re gonna know they have power over me and abandon me” no. i’m letting myself write the dumb sappy texts, to make the effort, to show how much i care, to open up to others. i’m easing with my calculating instincts. i don’t have to drown in my loneliness and i refuse to spend a lifetime avoiding getting close to others in fear of them hurting me. i’m working on seeing my strength, like... it’s ok if they hurt me because i will survive

saturn in gemini, mars in the 12th house, mars harshly aspecting neptune - taking action when i need to. especially in real life, i have a lot of difficulty with taking action. like, if i’m in an argument with someone, or if someone is actively pissing me off, my first instinct is to end the conversation and escape so that it won’t escalate. theoretically, that’s smart... in practice, it makes me gulp down a lot of situations in favor of keeping the peace, and it makes me live an entirely different life in my mind vs. in reality. like, in my mind, when something happens i’ll fantasize about being assertive and talking back to the person, about standing my ground. but in real life i just... quietly move to a different room. plus it’s difficult for me to feel things in the moment, like something will happen and i won’t register it but days later i will think back on it and be practically fuming in anger. these past few weeks i’ve been working on just, saying what i want to say. even if i’m aware the situation can escalate, at least i won’t have any regrets, and it’s made me realize that people aren’t as easy to anger as i thought them to be, and that i’m stronger than i believed myself to be

moon harshly aspecting jupiter - allowing myself to break down. my moon opposite jupiter is at a 0º orb, and when i tell you i feel every ounce of it, i really do. like, my emotions are extremely disregulated. on one hour i will be at the highest of the highs, and then the next hour i’ll be crying on the floor telling myself i’m the worst person alive. which just... causes me to feel even more guilty about how i speak to myself, and about how volatile my emotions are, and then i’m just a mess of guilt and self-criticism and “stop acting like a baby”; i feel easily overwhelmed and like i’m doing way too much, overreacting to every possible situation. and then, an hour later, im just like.... emotionally numb. anyways, instead of making it worse by blaming myself for my emotions, i’ve been just. allowing myself to feel. no guilt, no shame, just allowing myself to feel bad because of the innate belief that i’ll get over this, i’ll move forward, it’ll get better

venus harshly aspecting the ascendant - dealing with a poor self-image. i have a lot of issues with my body image. so, instead of analyzing my body from every single angle and blaming myself for it, i’ll just. not look in the mirror. like, you know when you’re a kid, you’re barely aware that you have a body - it’s there, it functions, it helps you play and eat and grab things, but you don’t really spend time thinking about it’s shape and appearance because it doesn’t matter. that’s the mentality i’m trying to work with right now, that my body is there: it deserves food, exercise, to be washed and dressed in comfortable clothing, and that’s that. i’m releasing myself of the judgment that comes with my poor self-image

natal saturn retrogade - stop buying things just to watch them sit there. like, i buy things that i don’t even use. or i buy things that i plan to use, but then i end up not using them out of guilt of having bought them, or lack of energy to use them, or fear of using them and messing up. so, what i’m doing is grabbing all the things i don’t use, and if i truly don’t want to use them, i’ll simply discard of them, and if i do want to use them, then i’m making plans to do so. no letting them sit in my room and feeling guilty every time i look at them

mars dominance, mars aspecting personal planets, mercury aspecting pluto, debilitated moon (in capricorn or scorpio) - stop verbally insulting others in discussions. the point of having a discussion is to explain both perspectives and come to an agreement/compromise, not to try to win. unfortunately, this is something i’ve always had great difficulty understanding lmfao. as soon as i’m in a discussion the point stops being to shed light on the situation but to use the words i know will hurt the person the most so that they’ll feel the pain that i feel. when someone is not understanding me, part of me just wants to make them go through what i went through so that they’ll get it - especially if i have an emotional attachment to the person (for example, them being my family or romantic interest). this is extremely toxic and it’s giving me when your parents say “when i was younger i had it much more worse than you, and i’m going to somehow make this your problem”. so, i’ve been thinking twice about what i say to people. is what i’m about to say to this person relevant to this discussion, or do i just want my words to sting them so i can watch them crumble? i ask myself this question, and i try to show others the empathy that i want them to show me.

planets in the 12th house, lilith in the 12th house - developing a better sleep schedule. i don’t remember the last time that i went to sleep before 5am, and this has greatly impacted my mental and physical health in general. like, i’ll go to bed extremely late, and then i wake up late and it takes me hours to find the strength to get out of bed because i just feel so shitty. the reason why i avoid sleeping early is because i struggle a lot with nightmares, because of my own paranoid thoughts and fears, and because it’s my “peaceful” time. like, during the day i have to deal with my parents being awake and... well, just existing in general, and i have to deal with my responsibilities and my family, but at night i get to just exist for myself and do whatever. but also, i struggle a lot with intrusive/paranoid thoughts that keep me from falling asleep. this is due to my anxiety and mental health problems, and to be honest i still don’t really know what to do to deal with this. like... the thing that’s helped me the most so far is to turn off my phone/computer since i get headaches easily, petting my cat until i feel calm enough to at least try to sleep, and to avoid taking naps throughout the day since that’ll just leave me with way too much energy at night

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twodimecastle · 3 years

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fifty bucks & six months.

spencer reid x gender neutral reader new relationship, secret keeping nonsense, 4.5k words, ao3 a/n; turns out i love writing texting fic but tumblr destroys the formatting rip

zero months.

You smile conspiratorially, extending a pinkie towards Spencer and he gives you a skeptical look.

“You know the odds of being found out immediately are-” he starts, but you cut him off.

“Astronomical, I know. I know. But don’t you think it’ll be fun to see how long we can push it?” you wheedle, not caring that your voice sounds more like begging than is strictly dignified because seeing the way Spencer’s nose crinkles in amusement at your heavy handed persuasion is too adorable to pass up. You scoot closer on the couch, tapping the end of his nose with your pinkie finger, letting him catch your hand between his as you continue “I think we’ve got a good shot at hiding it for a little while. It would be like a game.”

Spencer draws your captive hand to his lips, brushing them across your knuckles and watching fondly as you forge ahead in your campaign to persuade him, enjoying the show and the attention too much to tell you he’s already on board. Your eyes are shining with the prospect of the caper, and you’ve made no move to take your hand back from him, and Spencer’s pretty sure he’d be more than happy to sit with you in this moment forever. “I mean-” you go on, gesturing animatedly with your free hand, “you’re like-a really good liar when you want to be. And everyone else always forgets how good you are at it.”

He snorts at that and the sound makes you light up, eyes tracking the arch of his brows, the warmth in his soft brown eyes, memorising the way he looks like this; utterly unbothered, completely at ease. It might be your favourite version of him, but that race has always been a tight one with no clear winner in sight. You have lots of favourite versions of Spencer. Twisting your hand in his, you tangle your fingers together, savouring the way you feel his thumb glide delicately along your skin and the unhidden joy in his face at the simple show of affection.

Time to play your trump card.

“$50 says we can hide it from the whole group for at least six months. If everyone figures it out before then, you win. But if not everyone has worked it out by then, I win.”

The mischievous shine in your eyes is irresistible, and Spencer smiles, disentangling one of his hands from yours to extend his own pinky finger.

“You’re on.”

The words barely make it out of his mouth before you’re colliding with him, pressing your lips to his.

two months.

“So, how long has this whole thing been going on?” Derek’s question catches Spencer off guard, and, based on the way he can see you freeze in his peripheral vision, takes you by surprise as well. Sliding into the driver's seat of the SUV, Derek continues “I hope you didn’t think you were gonna be able to keep me in the dark for long, pretty boy. You should know better than that.”

Following mechanically after him, Spencer takes the passenger seat, trying to frame his next statement as carefully as possible as he hears your door close and the car start. “We were-going to tell you guys-” he begins uncomfortably, glancing back to you for support, but you look just as on edge as he feels. “We were just gonna-keep it to ourselves for a while-before telling Hotch and everything-” he tries again, the mounting tension levering his shoulders higher and higher with every passing moment, but then Derek just laughs, shaking his head.

“Hey, I’m happy for you, kid. For both of you.” He spares a look at you in the back seat through the rear view mirror, and you can feel the tension in your jaw relax, the furrows in your brow straightening out at the note of approval in Derek’s voice. “I’m glad you two finally figured it out,” he says, fondly, and you laugh.

“I bet Spence we could keep it from you guys at least six months,” you explain, reaching forwards through the centre console to link your pinky with Spencer’s, and the touch of your hand releases the last of the tension he had been harbouring as he covers your hand with the other one of his own. He knows Derek clocks the motion, filing it away in his mind somewhere, but he doesn’t care about the scrutiny so much right now. Not when your hand is so warm and comfortable in his.

Derek reaches for the dial on the radio and flicks through the channel, thinking about something, and as you watch, a slow mischievous smirk spreads across his face a moment later before he glances first at Spencer and then at you.

“I’ll tell you what,” he says to you, and Spencer can feel a familiar grin tugging at his own lips as he watches a plan take shape in his friend’s eyes. “I’m happy to sit on this information for a while for a cut of the winnings from whichever one of you comes out on top.” He snorts good naturedly as he continues “I have my own bet to win with Prentiss, so if you two help me win that one, I’ll cut you in too.”

“A quid pro quo of sorts,” Spencer says slowly, and he feels your fingers tighten around his, as you snort softly, and he knows instinctually you’re grinning the same way you always do when you’re winning a game. “I think we can do that.”

Derek grins, turning the music up as he nods, eyes on the road. “Then you two love birds have got yourselves a deal.”

two months and two weeks.

PG: youre not as slick as you think you are ;)

YN: ???

PG: ;))))))))) you should invest in some concealer for your work bag sweetness or tell the good doctor to pay more attention to whats visible in your work clothes

YN: oh my fucking god wait how do you even know thats how that happened

PG: im all knowing and all seeing im like the omnipotent goddess of the fbi

YN: derek blabbed

PG: he sang like a canary but also im an omnipotent goddess im also totally clued in on the whole bet situation with em so for the low low price of every single juicy detail about how this adorableness went down you can buy my silence :)

YN: im getting derek decaf coffee on all coffee runs from now on >:( traitors dont get caffeine

PG: darling sweet angel i need deets all of them like immediately

YN: >:( fine ok so. after that case down in georgia a few months ago? the weird one? with the creepy mother son thing?

PG: omg yuck pls dont remind me im here for the CUTENESS not the MURDER

YN: sorryyyyyyy anyway so spence was like being super weird about it all on the plane and whatever but he was doing that super annoying thing where he ignores it and says hes fine so everyone leaves him alone

PG: YEAH why does everyone here do that ALL THE TIME its SO annoyingggg

YN: ikr its insufferable and like super not subtle ANYWAY. spence was being weird and whatever and i just. refused to let him sulk on his own or whatever like i could tell there was something bothering him and so after work i insisted that we were gonna get like shitty diner food or whatever and watch a movie and he knows better than to say no to me

PG: smart boy

YN: so we got fries and milkshakes and then went back to his place to watch a movie and he was still like weird and silent and like brooding yknow? but whatever just figured hed talk about it when he was ready so i put on a movie and offered to make popcorn and then he was just staring at me and he looked so SAD and TIRED and i thought id done something wrong like the poor guy looked like he was gonna cry and i was panicking over fucking popcorn and then he says ‘why are you always so nice to me?’

PG: oh my god hes like if a sad victorian orphan was actually a triplicate phd holder

YN: i was SO thrown off i was like spencer. spencer were best friends. ive been forcing you to hang out with me for years now why do you THINK im being nice to you its bc i care about you asshole and then. like after another million years after letting me sweat it out over whether hes about to cry for like fucking years the asshole grabs my hand and says. i shit you not. ‘you know im in love with you, right?’ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PG: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YN: anyway hes my boyfriend now :’) dont tell anyone tho gotta win the bet

four months.

Lingering by the elevator, you glance around at the uncharacteristically silent office building, waiting for Spencer to leave the bullpen. The sound of his footfalls drawing nearer makes you smile and you mentally applaud yourself for suggesting the two of you remained behind after disembarking from the plane, taking advantage of the manufactured privacy to take the same car home, back to his apartment.

When he sees you waiting for him, he can’t help the soft fond smile that tugs at his face, as he reaches for your hand, sliding his fingers into yours with a gentle squeeze, the quiet of the building allowing him to indulge in the show of affection. You return the squeeze, leaning your head on his shoulder with a yawn and as he presses a fond kiss to your temple he’s rewarded by a sleepy hum of approval from you that sends a rush of quiet joy shooting through him.

“At least we won’t be sleeping in hotel beds again tonight,” you say, voice weary, and Spencer nods as he shuffles you into the elevator. The doors slide shut and the elevator starts to move and in the moment of absolute privacy, you steal a kiss, tilting your chin up to catch his lips with yours, revelling in the soft huff of surprise he lets out, even as he smiles against your mouth. Even after months, the simple act of kissing Spencer still feels new and thrilling somehow, like you can’t quite believe it’s something you’re allowed to do.

His nose brushes yours and he breathes “unless something big comes up, we get a sleep in tomorrow too,” and the way you beam at him sends his heart racing in his chest, unable to look away from the fondness shining in your eyes.

As the two of you exit the elevator and make your way through the Bureau car park, you tuck yourself against his side, wedging yourself under his arm with a happy sigh, eager to get yourself horizontal and asleep as fast as possible. Spencer brushes his lips against your temple again as the two of you close in on his car, almost free and clear of the office when a voice behind the two of you brings you up short.

“Reid?”

Spencer is reacting before his mind catches up, turning on his heel towards the sound of Hotch’s voice echoing through the parking lot, conscious of the incriminating way you’re still tucked against his side, even as his brain is rifling frantically through any possible excuses for the current circumstances.

“Hotch-” you step away from Spencer, cheeks flaming, not wanting to chance a look at him. “I-we-thought everyone else had gone home,” you trail off lamely, trying your hardest not to balk under Hotch’s ominously impassive scrutiny. A second passes, then another, and the short silence feels like months, or years even as the three of you stand locked in a stalemate.

“I take it the two of you would prefer to keep this under wraps?” He asks, finally, and it registers with Spencer, somewhat belatedly, that Hotch’s tone isn’t admonishing. It isn’t enough to dissipate the tension coiling in Spencer’s muscles just yet, but he spares a glance at you as he nods, and a moment later, Hotch gives the two of you a curt nod of his own. “I’ll tell you what,” he says, a shade of irony colouring his voice. “If you two fill out the paperwork for in-team relationships for me, I’ll keep it to myself. I understand privacy is hard to come by in our office.”

The words take a while to fully sink in, and you’re conscious that you’re standing there blinking and gaping at your boss like a bemused fish for a good few seconds before you’ve composed yourself enough to say “absolutely, sir. Of course. Thank you.”

Hotch nods again, heading towards his own car, and as he passes the two of you, a brief smile flashes across his face.

“Congratulations, you two. Get some sleep.”

four months and three weeks.

Spencer isn’t sure how late it is, but he knows you’re not asleep yet, the faint glow of your phone screen casting faint distorted shadows across his room as your free hand rests lightly on his chest. In the dark blue twilight of his room, the space feels undefined and dream like somehow, the line between his mind and his surroundings blurry or indistinct somehow, and as you huff out a near silent laugh at something on the screen in your hand, a thought rises to the surface of his thoughts like flotsam on an unwanted tide.

The more clinical part of his mind notes the autonomic response in his body, the way his heart lurches unpleasantly in his chest, heart rate rising with an influx of cortisol through his nervous system, automatically rifling through ways to control the anxiety response. Age old instinct surges forwards, starting to push his spiralling anxiety down out of sight so as not to bother you with it, but then your hand shifts infinitesimally on his chest, fingers curling in the soft fabric of his pyjama shirt, and for once his body is miles ahead of his brilliant mind, your name is leaving his lips before he’s really aware of it happening.

Your gaze flashes up from your phone at the sound of his voice, soft and hesitant, and you let the screen go dark as you set it down. You can feel Spencer’s heart hammering against his ribs under your palm, and your brows knit together in concern as you shift closer to his side, tracing gentle circles over his shirt with your fingertips, the repetitive motion intended to soothe, though you’re not sure if it’s for his benefit or yours.

“Yeah, baby?” You ask softly, working hard to keep the rising worry from your voice. After three years of friendship and almost six months of dating, you know him well enough to sense when his propensity for overthinking and catastrophizing is slipping out of his control. You can feel his chest rise as he inhales sharply, whatever he’s about to say cut off by second guessing, doing nothing to pacify your concern. “Spence? Is everything okay?” You ask again.

“This-bet-hiding our relationship-it’s-” he trails off, throat tight as he rolls onto his side, facing away from you, and smushing his face into the pillow, already wishing he hadn’t said anything. You’re the kindest person he’s ever met, but offering up this kind of raw insecurity feels like pulling teeth. Even if it’s you. Especially if it’s you. He doesn’t know if he’s ready to find out if you care about him enough to stay when his racing mind gets the better of him. The pillow muffles his voice as he says “never mind.”

You feel your own heart rate tic up in response to that, matching the wild beat of Spencer’s that you could feel under your palm only a second ago. “Baby, talk to me. What’s on your mind?”

He shakes his head, face still hidden in the pillow. “It’s stupid.”

He can feel the rush of your breath on his back as you sigh, and your voice is almost achingly patient as you say softly “it’s not stupid if it matters to you.” There’s a long pause, and you press yourself against his back, settling close and letting your hand slide over his side to rest on his chest, the heat of his skin sinking into yours even through his thin shirt. In spite of his height, he feels so small as you wrap yourself around him, drawing closer, trying to reassure him without yet knowing what he needs to be reassured of. “Spence?”

“Are you ashamed of-being with me? Is that why you want to hide it?” The words are almost whispered, the sound almost lost against his pillow and your heart sinks, plummeting faster and further than if you’d dropped it off the side of a skyscraper. You should’ve known he might worry about that, should have realised it might have felt that way. Remorse rises hot and bitter in your throat and you swallow it down, trying to steady your voice.

“Spencer. Sweetheart. No. Never. I could never be ashamed. I love you. I’m so sorry.” Your arms wrap more tightly around him and you bury your face against the crook of his neck, the tension you can feel in every inch of his body making you feel more cruel and short-sighted than you already do. “I’m sorry I didn’t realise it might feel like that. I could never be ashamed of being with you, Spence. You’re my favourite person.” He takes the kind of shaky, shallow breath that comes with trying not to cry and your heart breaks a little more as one of his hands slowly moves to cover yours where it rests against his chest, just over his heart.

As his hand rests over yours, his thumb strokes lightly along your knuckles, and he knows you know him well enough to notice the way his hand trembles, just a little, because then your hand is shifting against his, turning to clumsily tangle your fingers with his, holding tighter to him as he tries to collect himself, drawing in a deep, shuddering breath as his eyes squeeze shut. He can hear the contrition in your voice as you say softly “I’ve never really liked having people know everything about what’s going on in my life. And I love our friends but-something like this, that’s so-special? So new? I wanted to be able to keep it to just us for a while.”

“I’m sorry.” His voice comes out a little shaky, scarcely more than a whisper, and it’s more than you can take as you pull back and gently force him to roll over to face you. He’s not crying, but his eyes are glassy and you recognise the fight to keep the tears unshed in the tight set of his jaw and the hard line of his lips. Leaning on your elbow, you lift your free hand to gently smooth out the furrows of his brow, letting your fingers linger along the planes of his face.

“Why are you sorry,” you ask gently. “You don’t need to be sorry, baby. Not for talking to me about things that bother you. We can tell everyone else tomorrow, if you want? We can call off the bet. Derek will live. If he’s got a problem with it I’ll turn all his shirts into crop tops.”

He can tell the joke is a last bid attempt to make him smile, to ease his fear, and it works. In spite of the anxious weight in his chest that feels like it’s pressing him into the mattress, Spencer laughs weakly, meeting your eyes, and he watches as a relieved smile breaks across your face, releasing your lower lip from where you’d trapped it worriedly between your teeth. The unmitigated affection that floods into your eyes renders him momentarily breathless as he takes in the moment. You’re still here, still trying to take care of him. Just as kind and steadfast as ever.

“No,” he says eventually, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you down on top of him like a living weighted blanket, letting your warmth chase the bulk of the tension from his body and luxuriating in the way you curl into him, one hand sliding into his hair. “We shouldn’t call off the bet. We still have to take Emily’s money, remember?”

Your sleepy laugh is the last thing he hears before his eyes close and the feel of your body wound around his lulls him to sleep.

five months.

SR: Can I talk to you about something?

DM: you dying or something? that’s a really fuckin ominous text to recieve out of the blue

SR: I’m not dying, why would that be what you assumed? I just have a question.

DM: just a figure of speech but what’s up?

SR: It’s about your bet with Emily. What’re the terms for it?

DM: wym?

SR: What exactly did you two make the bet about? What needs to happen in order for you to win the bet?

DM: does this count as collusion?

SR: Technically yes, but calling it collusion implies a certain degree of illegality.

DM: whatever anyway the terms i made with em were that you’d make some kind of move before your birthday but she reckoned you were gonna need some kind of near death experience to do anything about your crush why?

SR: I’m just making sure I have all the information.

DM: what’s going on pretty boy? you planning something?

SR: Maybe.

DM: not a helpful answer reid is everything good?

SR: Everything’s fine. We’re just figuring some stuff out. Nothing to worry about.

DM: is there something you’re not telling me?

SR: Don’t worry about it.

five months, three weeks and six days.

In the chaos that was the scramble from the briefing room to the jet, you haven’t yet had the chance to speak to Spencer about the outcome of his most recent thesis defence panel. By the time you’ve got a moment to breathe, the jet is underway, coasting across the country towards Montana, the whole team settled in for the six hour flight. You corner him in the tiny kitchen area of the jet as he’s making a mug of mediocre coffee, fingers tapping out an absent minded rhythm on the countertop as the coffee machine whirs, clearly not paying attention to anything outside of his head.

“Hey, boy genius.” He jumps, whirling around, eyes wide with surprise, and you smile fondly. “So?” You demand, and Spencer raises an eyebrow in confusion. You snort, rolling your eyes as you elaborate. “Your defence panel. Did it go okay?”

You’re shifting your weight and fidgeting restlessly with the belt loops on your pants and as he studies you for a moment, it occurs to Spencer that you’re nervous for him over this outcome. The thought brings an almost giddy smile to his face.

“You know this isn’t my first thesis defence panel, right?” He says mildly, deliberately burying the lede, enjoying the way you scowl in irritation too much to answer your question right away, too enamoured with this display of concern on his behalf.

“Don’t be difficult, Doctor Reid. It’s still a big deal.” He just shrugs noncommittally, and you huff, swatting his arm lightly. “So did it go well?” You ask again, eyes narrowing as you try to dissect his microexpressions, trying to discern the answer he seems determined to keep from you for yourself. A few seconds later, he relents.

“I can now add degree number six to my wall.” He confirms. Getting degrees doesn’t hold the same rush of pride for him now, the accomplishment feeling somewhat less exceptional as he acquires more of them, but the way your face lights up with pride for him reminds him how special the things he’s capable of can be. You’ve always made him feel like more than the sum of his parts somehow, like something infinitely more precious than he always assumed he is.

“I fucking knew it. That’s amazing, Spence,” you say, chest warm and full with pride and love, and his almost shy smile in return is enough to make a decision for you in a split second. Your hand dips into your back pocket, drawing something out, and you carefully hide it from view in your palm as Spencer tracks the motion curiously with his eyes.

Your eyes are shining with affection and something that looks like mischief and the way you’re smiling at him is more than enough to divert his attention as you step closer, just barely noticing as you slip something into his hand. You’re dangerously, distractingly close now, and he’s conscious, if somewhat distantly, that neither of you is concealed from the rest of the team, scant meters away in the seating area of the jet. But you’re smiling and close enough for him to feel your breath on his face and suddenly your lips are on his, and even after nearly seven months of being able to touch you like this, it’s enough to make him forget everything else as he melts into the contact, savouring the warmth of your skin and the faint smell of your shampoo.

You pull back a second later, the kiss over almost as soon as it started, but it’s enough to attract attention, and you can hear a belated ‘oh SHIT’ from Emily in the main cabin of the jet. In your peripheral vision, you can see money changing hands, your friends scrambling to react, but you don’t look at them, choosing to enjoy the bemused, affectionate look on Spencer’s face as his brain catches up to the events unfolding around the two of you.

“I was tired of keeping it a secret,” you say fondly, loud enough only for him to hear. “You win.”

Blinking in confusion, he finally tears his gaze away from yours, fingers uncurling to reveal the fifty dollar bill you had pressed into his palm right before you kissed him. The penny drops and he snorts with laughter, shaking his head in half hearted indignation as his other arm loops around you, pulling you in, letting you rest your head on his shoulder, hiding your face from the rest of the team as he kisses your temple, revelling in the way you wind yourself around him in response.

“I was gonna do this in like two days. I wanted you to win,” he murmurs against your hairline, and he can feel your faint laughter.

“Too bad, baby. I’m used to getting my way,” you say, pulling back to steal another quick kiss before peeling yourself out of his arms with a wink, turning to face the onslaught of ‘care to fucking explain that’ and ‘I fucking told you so’ from the rest of your friends, tugging him with you by your joined hands.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid/you #spencer reid/reader #reid #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds imagine #dr spencer reid #my writing #spencer reid fluff

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boobz-fye · 3 years

Text

Comforting them after losing a game

Includes: Oikawa Tooru, Ushijima Wakatoshi, Kageyama Tobio, and Keiji Akaashi x G/N reader.

Warnings: the boys doubting themselves and cursing(I think I only said one bad word in kageyamas but whatever)

Rant: Ok, I feel like this post is actual shit. Like I say that about almost all of my posts- but this one is very bad. The only good one is Ushijimas I think, so I hope I do all of the characters a little justice tho. Also sorry that I haven't been posting much (for like two weeks) I have been very busy, and been dealing with writer's block. I will try and post something else some time next week. Think it's gonna be fluff for MHA tho. Anyways, HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS!!!!!

Oikawa Tooru~

It all happened too fast. He could have sworn that they were just in the lead, ahead of Shiratorizawa by two points. He was so close to beating them. And now what is he going to say to you, or the team? He promised all of you that they will win this only to not fulfill it. Slowly dragging his feet out of the gym, Oikawa starts to feel tears building up in his vision. ‘No you can't cry right now.’ Oikawa thinks as he starts to pick up a pace. Maybe this is all just a bad dream and he will wake up soon.. Yeah that sounds right. He can wake up and have a fresh start of the day, win against Shiratorizawa, then celebrate with his team mates, and to top it all off go over your house and cuddle the whole night. Oh how lovely that sounds, only if that wasn't another fantasy planted in his head.

Overwhelmed with emotions Oikawa finally comes out of the locker rooms, only to see you sitting on the floor. “What are you still doing here baby?” You look up to see Oikawa putting on a fake smile that makes your heart break. “Come here..” You say rising to a standing position, with your arms open and welcoming. Oikawa doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around you, and be consumed by your warmth. “You did amazing out there handsome.” Those few words made Oikawa feel butterflies in his stomach. The only thing that could make him feel better were your praises. But he still couldn't help the small ache in his chest, remembering that he promised everyone that they would win this game and make it to nationals. “If I did good then why didn't we win?” He says with a slight crack in his voice, making an ache of your own spread through your chest. “Maybe it was just luck. You were only off by one point, plus if it makes you feel better you'll be able to beat their ass in spring!” A breathy chuckle escaped from Oikawa's mouth, causing a grin to form on your face. “You're right baby, we will beat them in spring.”

Ushijima Wakatoshi~

Ushijima wasn't used to losing. The reality didn't hit him until he heard the opposing teams audience cheer. Looking over to the scoreboard when he hears the whistle being blown, only to see that his team has lost. A bitter taste settles on Ushijima’s tongue. But he is once again pulled out of his thoughts by a hand resting on his shoulder. He turns around to see his team standing behind him with a look of true defeat. “C’mon Ushijima, we have to line up” Tendou says with a tone a little different from his usual cheery one. Not knowing what to say Ushijima just grunts with a small nod.

Walking outside of the gym Ushijima starts to replay the game in his head to try and see where they went wrong, but soon was interrupted by some arms wrapping around him from behind. “Hi bubs.” you say nuzzling your head into his back. “Hello Y/N.” “Soooo…” you try to think of what to say that will make Ushijima feel better, but it's hard to do so when he can be very blunt at some points and not understand what you are trying to get at. “Yes?” Ushijima says tugging at the sleeve of your jacket to gain your attention back to him. “How are you feeling after the game?” There is a little moment of silence that comes over the two of you causing a slight panic cloud in your mind, because what if he took your question the wrong way- “I don’t know how to feel about losing, I'm upset because we put a lot of effort in that game just to lose. But they won fairly, so I guess that just shows that we weren't good enough.” Ushijima states bluntly. You're kind of taken back by his answer, but notice how his eyes show more emotion than his words. You could tell that he was more than just upset. “Don't say that Ushijima, you guys did amazing out there. You guys were only off by a couple points!” You say as you take Ushijima’s hand into your own. “But still we tried our best and it wasn't enough.” You felt his hands tremble a little in your touch, looking at him with a soft gaze you say “I'm sorry bub, you will get them next time though, I know you will because you are good enough.” Ushijima nods and mumbles a thank you, while gently squeezing your hand. It's times like this, when Ushijima shows you his vulnerable side, that you hold dear to your heart.

Kageyama Tobio~

Kageyama dreaded feeling the pain in his chest after losing a game. He would never get used to it, and doesn't really care enough too anyways. Maybe if he didn't send the ball to Hinata, knowing that the idiot will just close his eyes, then they could have won. But even then Oikawa’s tricky serves would still be a pain to work around. Not to mention how fast the whole team learns their opponents weaknesses. Kageyama had gotten so lost in his thoughts that he forgot he had to meet up with you at a cafe in 6 mins. Today seems to just get worse and worse by the second and he doesn't know if he will be able to keep himself together for much longer.

You hear the bell on the cafe door ring, causing you to turn around and see that all too familiar face. Kageyama walks over to you and takes his seat. Only when he finally looks up you notice that he is panting. “Did you run all the way here kags?” “Yeah, would have been late if I didn't.” Kageyama never liked being late to anything that has to do with you, it makes him feel guilty, and he doesn't want to add upsetting you to the list of shitty things that have happened today. “I'm ok with you being a little late baby, especially when you just got back from your game…” Kageyeama drops his gaze back down to the table remembering that was the first game you got to see him play in just for them to lose, how embarrassing- “Sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up.” you say rubbing the back of your neck. “It's ok….” “Look at the menu and pick what you want, it's on me!” Kageyama shoots his head up and stares at you with wide eyes “Idiot im not letting you pay.” He mumbles while a blush spreads across his face. “Aww c'mon babe I can pay, let me get you some comfort food!” “Comfort food?” “Yeah food always helps me with stress” Before Kageyama could think over his next words, his mouth and brain betrayed him. “I think cuddles would make me feel better.” Both of you are taken back by his words, Kageyama was always so stubborn, forcing you to pick up hints from his behavior and piece them together to know what he wants. But you don't mind the forwardness; it helps you get straight to the point. Kageyama on the other hand is freaking out, he doesn't know if he was being too blunt or not, and your silence is not helping. “Never mind… forget what I said” “Whattttt, that sucks cause I was going to say yes but since you insist.” “Shut up, we can head over to mine after eating, the meal that I will be paying for, and cuddle. Now pick what you want already I don't have all day.” “Sir yes sir!” You say with a salute. “Dont do that you look dumb” Kageyama says, while trying to supress a grin. “You're so meannnnn” You whine with a pout. Even though Kageyama is teasing you the only thing you seem to be able to focus on is the way he starts to let loose and laugh around you. And when you look into his eyes all you see is love, not a trace of sorrow.

Akaashi Keiji~

It's only been a few minutes since the tragic game has ended and akaashi is already past the limit of stress he can handle. From the fact that they actually lost a game, while also trying to encourage the team and tell them that they will do better next time, and also trying to help bokuto get out of emo mode akaashi was starting to get a headache and wanted to just go home to sulk and attempt to relax. So once when he gets out of the shower akaashi throws on some clothes and runs out the locker room to the front gate. Not expecting you to be there waiting for him.

As Akaashi approaches the front gate he sees you standing there alone. “Y/N, what are you doing here? It's getting late.” “I know, I just wanted to check up on you” Akaashi looks into your worried eyes, causing him to feel a little guilt. Is he the cause of the expression on your face? “Oh well then can I walk you home?” You nod in approval, letting him take your hand and lead the way. A comfortable silence takes over the two of you, but you still can't help but feel like something is still off about Akaashi today, and none of his fake smiles and replies will put this thought at ease. “Hey Akaashi?” “Yes?” you stay silent for a little trying to think of the right words to say. “You know you guys did amazing at the game today right?” Akaashi hums in response, as the hold on your hand becomes a little shaky. “Good, because it's the truth. Just don't beat yourself up about it, you're great at what you do. Even though you guys didn't win I know you are still deserving of it. The only reason your opponents had a chance, was because of the chance balls. Plus you and your team have way more chemistry with each other then they did, it's almost like all of you can read each other's minds… Sorry I was rambling again.” Akaashi turns around and stares at you this time with a real smile on his face. “It's ok love, I think it's cute when you run your mouth. Now why don't we head over to your house instead? I want you to help me get rid of my stress, ok?” “And how can I help you with that?” Akkashi brings your hand towards his lips and gives it a quick kiss. “Cuddles of course, and let me eat whatever food you got in your house.” Akaashi says with a wink. On your way home you can't help but admire your caring boyfriend, always making time for you even when he's too emotionally and physically tired.

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inhumanescreeching · 3 years

Text

in which Dabi attends the meeting with the Shie Hassaikai, and things as we know it, turn out differently

because im bored as hell and i wanna see an au where eri gets raised by lov, also there'll probably be four?? parts to this, idk yet lol. oh and for this to work, twice tells lov that they're meeting w the shie hassaikai beforehand. just for a short time, like on the day before the actual meeting type of short ok? ok

tw: canon typical violence, swearing, mentions of/referenced child abuse

Dabi was never one for punctuality. He was his own boss, no matter what Shigaraki said about titles within the League

Plus, an alliance with the yakuza placed a foul taste in his mouth. He heard of the Shie Hassaikai family when he was young. They were bad news

Doing a background check on the current leader had been easy with Giran’s help and through that, Dabi learned all he needed to know about one Chisaki Kai

Dabi may have committed murder, arson, theft, and various other crimes but he draws the line on abusing children

Dabi has long decided that he was going to cremate Chisaki and scatter his remains on dog shit, regardless of Shigaraki’s approval of him as an ally. So when he sees Chisaki, in the flesh, up and attack one of their own, well. Dabi saw red

Blue flames flew towards Chisaki before he could take another step, pushing him back as Dabi slid in front of the group. “Don’t let him touch you!” He yelled in warning

Dabi met Chisaki’s eyes and glared. Twice stuttered, trying to ease the tension. Behind Dabi, he could hear Toga fuss over Magne, who’d nearly lost her life had Chisaki gotten his hand on her, and Shigaraki’s telltale sounds of scratching. Mr. Compress has hopped down from his seat to flank Dabi, hand at the ready

Everyone’s here, aside from Spinner- who was on guard duty for their base. They’re safe. Dabi made it in time. He stifles as a relieved sigh, instead looking at Chisaki dead in the eye as he ignites a flame on his palm. It’s a warning, a promise

The standstill drags on, as Twice’s attempt at peacemaking dies down and the room descends into silence

Shigaraki, eventually, starts moving. Stands between Dabi and Compress, and takes off the hand on his face. “I think that serves as our answer. The League will never bow down to you yakuza, and we’ll expand on our own. We won’t interfere with your business.” Underneath the hand, Shigaraki’s grin looked manic. “And you keep out of ours.”

“If you have no intention of becoming a subordinate of the League, then we kindly ask you to leave.” Compress added, calm as always

Chisaki scowled, hands twitching as if he was resisting the urge to scratch an itch, but otherwise dropped his defensive posture. “Very well, Shigaraki Tomura.”

“Twice, escort our esteemed guest out.”

That stumped Twice into action, muttering apologies and insults in the same breath as he urged Chisaki back to the door. With his back turned, Chisaki looked over his shoulder to them. “If you won’t contribute to the Shie Hassaikai’s advancements.”

Dabi did not like where this was going.

“Then suffer the shame of being our guinea pigs!”

“Shigaraki, get down!”

It was fast. Like a bullet. When it hits Compress on the shoulder as he pushes Shigaraki to the side, Dabi realizes it was a bullet. They land behind him loudly, Shigaraki cursing about how he could have taken that hit, but Dabi’s eyes were already searching for where it came from

No windows, and no sound of broken glass so it couldn’t have been a sniper. Someone was on the ceiling, hiding in the dark. Luckily, Dabi could easily light them up. He shoots a few blasts, not quite hitting the mark but the person drops to Chisaki’s side nonetheless

“Who the hell uses guns anymore?” Dabi asked. “Unless you’ve got something up your sleeve? What was it, suffer the shame of being our guinea pigs? What the hell did you hit Compress with?”

“You’re surprisingly perceptive, Flame Villain Dabi.”

Dabi smirked. “Glad I can surpass your expectations, Chisaki Kai.” He visibly tensed at the mention of his name. “Compress, what’s your stats?”

“It’s been years since I was last shot by a bullet, but aside from the usual pain, I don’t feel much difference.”

The masked person beside Chisaki- who looked straight out of the Black Plague era- spoke up. “Try to use your Quirk.”

There’s scuffling behind him, but Dabi knew better than to turn his back to the enemy. Toga gasps, Shigaraki starts muttering. He asks “What’s happening? Talk to me here.”

“I can’t use it.”

“What?”

Shigaraki stands up, and very nearly attacks had Dabi not held a hand to his chest to stop him. He hisses instead. “Undo it.”

“You should’ve joined us, Shigaraki Tomura.” The masked person continues.. “Had you been in our ranks, you would’ve been helping us perfect this formula instead of being on the receiving end of its trial period.”

“What is it?” Dabi asked, a warning flare of blue on his palm.

“Nothing to concern yourselves with, should our truce stand.” Chisaki said. “It'll wear off in an hour”

They turn to leave

Dabi keeps his guard and his fire up. Shigaraki brushes him off and lunges for Chisaki’s throat. “You broke the truce the minute you shot Compress!”

Four more bullets fly, but Shigaraki dodges those with ease. Chisaki calls out as his subordinate steps forward to cover him. “Shield!”

Another person slides in, taking the hit of Shigaraki’s Decay. At that, Shigaraki jumps back, and Dabi moves forward in one smooth exchange as the victim melts into a grey lump. Just then, a giant that’s half the height of the warehouse breaks through the entrance wall, adorned in that uniform plague mask. Their guard dog, Dabi assumes

“We’ll stop here for now.” Chisaki said, faking nonchalance even though there was obvious fury in the way his fists clenched. “You owe me one corpse for this, Shigaraki Tomura, but for tonight that’s enough.”

“This isn’t over, Chisaki Kai.” Dabi returns the glare sent his way, undeterred. He continues. “Not until you free that little girl"

Chisaki laughs at that. Like abusing a little girl and exploiting her for whatever the hell Chisaki was doing was laughable. Oh, Dabi was going to have fun watching this asshole burn. “You keep surprising me, Dabi. I didn’t take you for the parental type.”

Dabi smirks. “Yeah, and apparently you’re a shitty parent.”

Their footsteps echo and die down into the night, along with Chisaki’s bemused laugh

Twice has relocated himself from the middle of the battleground to behind Compress, supporting him up, sometime during the fight. Toga was tying a handkerchief over the wound, hushing Twice’s bemoaning about bringing in trouble. Magne was on guard as Dabi drops to the floor, not minding the way the skin on his forearm smokes slightly

“Why were you late?”

“I didn’t wanna be here.” Dabi groans. “That bitch is bad news and now I wanna kill him even more.”

“You mentioned a little girl?” Toga asks, not looking up. Magne adds, “and something about being a shitty parent.”

Dabi winces. “Yeah, this isn’t gonna be a pretty story. Let’s head back to base first.”

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jaekaicx · 3 years

Text

so ive had this idea for an amphibia fangame for a lil while now-

(LONG post)

its based around the idea that sometime after anne got sent back to earth, she decides to sneak out one night to visit sasha and marcys bedrooms and poke through their stuff. this causes a bunch of memories to come back to anne through flashbacks while she tries to process everything thats happened and her feelings abt their friendship.

i was thinking itd be mostly a visual novel type thing. maybe with a few small choices, but the story would be mostly linear. thered be around 3 main story beats: a prologue bit w/ anne sneaking out of her house, marcys bedroom, and sashas bedroom. also one of the main mechanics would be looking at one of their bedrooms and clicking on random objects of importance and triggering a flashback sequence.

it came from the idea that anne will probably try to just shove all her emotions down and try to ignore her feelings abt true colors and everything that went down then. especially with what we saw in the sneak peek, anne will probably try to hide her emotions and bottle them up, which is obviously not healthy. so eventually shes gonna have to work through her emptional baggage and try to process everything.

i havent thought through EVERYTHING just yet, just some more major plot points and maybe one or two ideas for flashbacks. nothing too solid yet. but heres a bit more detailed runthrough of the plot

summary - prologue

so it would start off with anne at home. she and her mom are talking outside annes room. her moms concerned abt how annes been handling everything that happened in amphibia but anne keeps brushing everything off. her mom tries to get her to open up, but she keeps dismissing her and eventually shuts herself in her room. after taking a bit to cool off and think anne decides that shes gonna take the night to just ride off her emotions and stop repressing them for once. she also makes an impulsive decision to sneak out and check out marcy and sashas rooms.

anne goes to gather her stuff in her room, and just as shes about to climb out the window, sprig walks in to check on her. hes still rly concerned abt his big sis but he knows he cant stop her. he tries to go with anne, but she tells him she needs to do this on her own. so, sprig lets her go and tries to cover for her while shes gone.

so at this point i’ll probably give the player the choice of whose house to visit first. it doesnt rly impact the story or whatever, but i guess it might have a small emotional impact depending on whose house u choose to go to first??

(quick note: after this bit, there arent too many specific details for the plot and stuff like that. its largely just an overall idea of how the plot is gonna go. and even then, there isnt much to it. i didnt think that far ahead yet, which is why there isnt as much refinement yet. so far i just have general ideas for how annes gonna get to the bedrooms, with a couple of vague flashback ideas. just keep that in mind; this whole thing is still being thought over and planned as im typing this out)

summary - sasha

with sasha, annes still rly conflicted abt how she feels abt her. of course shes still rly hurt by being backstabbed by her twice and swordfighting her as many times. but as much as she hates sasha she cant bring herself to fully give up on sash. she hates her guts but deep down shes still willing to give sash another chance.

there may or may not be a small sequence where anne has to sneak into sashas house, but eventually she works her way into sashas room. im not entirely sure abt the details of sashas house n her family yet. im probably gonna wait for info from s3 until i solidify anything, but for now i do know that sashas family has a big house n theyre probably rich.

so anne goes into sashas room and its been left pretty much untouched ever since annes birthday, save for the few times someone came in to dust things off. again, dont rly have all the details for sashas room, but it kind of has a vibe of controlled chaos, with organized clutter and a bit of a touch of a rebellious teen girl. one detail i do want to have is a calendar opened up to the month the trio disappeared, with annes birthday circled and highlighted so much that its impossible to miss.

the calendar itself might include a flashback. im thinking of also having a varsity jacket and some old stuffed animal be different “artifacts” that trigger their own memories. there’ll be a bunch more, but those are the only ideas i have so far fjsbndnd

summary - marcy

ok so i want to be rly mean about marcys segment: this is going off the theory that marcys parents moved away while the trio was in amphibia.

anne doesnt know this yet tho, so shes in for quite a surprise when she turns onto marcys street to find a realtor sign on the front lawn. the clues are all there: an empty driveway, sign on the lawn, an overall empty vibe coming from the house. but it doesnt completely register at first. its not til anne actually comes up close does she notice the sign.

anne tries to deny it, and decides to prove to herself that “no marcys parents wouldnt do this. theyre not that cruel. im just gonna check marcys room myself.” the front doors locked, so she just goes over to marcys window and climbs in.

but its completely empty.

ok not totally empty, but a lot of marcys furniture and stuff is gone, except for a few stray toys and other “junk.” the home guys (idk what theyre called????) are still kind of in the process of cleaning everything out, so theres still some stuff left here and there around the house. but its still way too empty. and its yet another gut punch for anne.

anne searches the rest of the house a bit more, hoping that shes just hallucinating. but no, marcys parents are really gone. she tried to deny it before, but now she has more of an idea of how shitty the wu parents are. so anne decides to just mope around in marcys old room, checking out the stuff their parents left behind.

maybe she finds an old blanket marcy liked when he was rly young. or an old rubiks cube from marcys vast collection. a cnc figurine, some cards, a pride flag, and old diary? a couple of other old toys, an old report card or two, or maybe even some stray clothes. whatever anne finds, its all thats left of marcy, at least in LA.

it really doesnt leave anne in that much of a better emotional position. she already felt conflicted enough about what happened in true colors and what she found out abt marcy. but seeing even a small glimpse of what marcy was dealing with, it just makes her more confused. marcy was such a sweet kid! theres no way they couldve done anything wrong. yet here anne was, betrayed by both of her childhood friends.

only now is anne really taking the time to process the fact that marcy essentially kidnapped her and sasha with the calamity box. he didnt mean to do it, and theres no way they couldve known the box would actually work, but it doesnt completely excuse marcy. his actions still hurt anne and sash, and while they meant the best of intentions, it didnt rly come through that way.

and now marcy was dead. stabbed in the back by the newt king.

and now annes curled up in an empty bedroom, wrapped up in one of marcys old blankets, trying to wrap her head around her feelings about marcy while reminiscing in the past.

summary - extras/epilogue??

i kind of like the idea that anne ends up drifting off in which ever bedroom ended up being the second one she visited. she slowly comes back to consciousness, with her surroundings feeling somewhat familiar, only to wake up in horror bc “OH SHIT I FORGOT TO GO BACK HOME” im not completely sold on the idea tho bc it feels a bit abrupt and like too much of a tone shift?? idk it doesnt feel exactly right

but anyways, im also playing around with the idea of a small epilogue scene with the calamity trio hanging out in annes room, a good amount of time after amphibia ended. dont know what theyre doing in there, but theyre just chilling and feeling a bit nostalgic i guess.

but uh yeah thats pretty much what ive got for the overall idea. it doesnt feel too out of reach, but somethjng like this would definitely be ambitious. i could mayyyybe handle writing out the vn and drawing the character sprites, but i have no idea how to code a vn or draw detailed backgrounds, both of which would be pretty important to this fangame fjsndj. so i might consider having help with this.

THIS ISNT ANY SORT OF PROMISE OR WHATEVER. id rly love to follow through and make this fangame a thing, but im not making any guarantees. i have no idea if i’ll actually follow through, but i would definitely love to.

who knows. maybe in like a couple years this might actually become a thing. but for now i have no idea

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lilyclawthorne · 3 years

Text

Escaping Expulsion Thoughts (once again very stream of conscious-like while i rewatched the episode so there’s a bunch of stuff here)

i fucking knew odalia was gonna be an oracle, i knew and i hate that for her family. i’m not sure if this necklace thing is specifically a form of oracle magic or not but im assuming it is, and either way the second i saw it happen that made my stomach twist. the fact that she just keeps this direct line to her daughter at all times feels so disturbing

so, i get that the joke with glyph lessons here is that eda and lilith are probably acting the exact same way they did when they were younger, but it does also feel a little odd for me. in my post for episode 1 i talked about how it felt like lilith probably missed the structure of the coven, and maybe even having an authority figure, and it does concern me a bit that it could be projected on to luz here.

also, i saw someone mention that they thought lilith could be regressing a bit, which is interesting seeing as she’s been in the coven since basically being a child and now that she’s out, she could be going backwards because that was probably the last time she had a personality of her own instead of one that was carefully crafted to be socially acceptable for others. and to be fair, the few moments in season 1 when we see glimpses into the true lilith, she is pretty childish.

anyways lilith has such pretty handwriting i love it

gus!! witch puberty!! do not worry buddy eda will get your name eventually. probably.

amity went out and murdered those fairies for luz didn’t she

i need to know why the heck bump has no choice in the matter of the expulsion. typically a pta (or pca in this case) wouldn’t have power that much stronger than the principa?? so i wonder if the blights have something over bump, or if its even just something such as donation money they’d withdraw

odalia blight you gaslighting bitch “I’m appalled you’re not in class right now what are you thinking” YOU MADE HER COME HERE

PLEASE i know gus and willow are sad here but the whole “live off the land” thing and “water you one last time, with my tears” are so fucking funny ok

GO LUZ, YOU TELL OFF ODALIA

i feel like alador doesn’t really care what’s going on and just wants to be back home making his abomination inventions, also he seems to have an affinity for different creatures as well which is an interesting detail

i love that willow stated they would get back in on their own right in front of alador and odalia. these people fucked up her friendship and caused her a lot of trouble that she shouldn’t have had to deal with so i love that she’s unafraid to speak like that in front of them

between the first & second episode, and some of the seasons trailer, it seems like Lilith may have an affinity for ice magic? which is interesting seeing as eda was always a fan of her “spicy toss” aka some fire magic. interesting to see the two of them as fire & ice basically

i LOVE how much bump loves luz, willow, and gus. it’s kinda really sweet, but again it feels so concerning that he had no choice in the matter. makes me think he’s more likely to eventually rebel against the standards that have been in place for so long at some point. (also abominations coven for bump!! interesting!! i appreciate seeing the coven marks included on the adults so far)

what is it with these kids and being dragged off by their hoods in this episode

love that the blights address includes “right arm”, also i took a quick look up of the word “bruegal” which is boulevard they live on, and it’s probably just a coincidence but the first google result was actually for a european think tank that specializes in economics

yknow i actually have wondered about layering glyphs on top of each other and making a super glyph the way eda did, so good to know that would NOT work out

luz you’re really gonna give the blights their own flowers??????

it goes by so fast but please take a moment to take in and appreciate the design of that blight entry room/living room-esque area and it’s combination of abomination and oracle decor. also the blight family portrait.

i could talk about alador and odalia and their relationship dynamic here, when luz is meeting with them, but i think it’s best to save for the end, but i will say i don’t think it’s just odalia controlling everything (though she does control a lot) and alador just suffering and being silent.

the more i stare at odalia’s hair the more i feel like she has an odd receding hairline

love that the abomination kept the cat shape luz gave it and that amity knew immediately from that

WILLOW’S DADS!!! I LOVE THEM! I love how much they want their daughter to have a great education even if they have to be the ones to do it! (even if it could come across as a little intense) Although, the fact that they’re prepared to teach plant magic to her makes me question why they put her in abominations once again. (wish we could’ve gotten a glimpse of their coven marks!)

odalia is definitely the one who handles more of the parenting and alador is more distant. at least that’s what i get based on the twins specifying to amity not to tell their mom specifically

absolutely insane that odalia is just letting the abomiton destroy the whole place to kill a child

“stay away from my luz!” oh my god,ohmy GOD

i like how lilith can’t tell if these are normal noises or distress ones. really sums up life in the owl house. also lilith? kicking doors in?? this combined with “I AM A WITCH, UNHINGED” tells me she’ll be as chaotic as the rest of the owl house in no time and i am here for it.

the music when amity jumps in to protect luz is absolutely killing it here i need a soundtrack now

YES AMITY DESTROY THE NECKLACE (and oh god please don’t let odalia give you something even harder to remove or destroy)

Luz is blushing!! The feelings are starting to be returned!!!

“Luz, Willow, and Gus are my friends!” love it. love the open declaration. love that she’s telling her mother off. love that i have something to check off my bingo board already.

okay, i know a lot of people have already suggested that alador is smiling here because he can tell luz and amity like each other, but i’m pretty sure it’s only because he’s noticing how much amity’s magic has grown and improved

small detail but i love the smoke from the units order sign filling the background while odalia is fuming herself

oh? alador has had the ability to tell odalia off and successfully calm her down this whole time? and chose not to use it till now? yeah he sucks too. he very clearly has a plan for amity as much as odalia does as well, but he’s much better at seeing the long-term goal

“the glyph combo, copyright me, lilith” im screaming, lilith you DORK

ok i really wish eda or lilith asked where luz had been. i’d kill for these sisters to go off about how much they hated the alador and odalia in school, as well as threaten to hurt them for hurting luz.

the statue lilith made and her reaction to the gold star she received re-emphasizes my concern about her need for approval and for an authority figure. (ok but her noise at the gold star WAS very cute tho)

alright lets get down to business on the blight parents. so far i definitely do not view their relationship as being one-sided with odalia in control. honestly, i think they do have a sense of mutual respect for the other. to me it seems like all alador really wants to do is focus on his work and nothing else, and odalia seems not only more than happy to let him do so, but willing to take care of everything else the company needs, and he seems fine with that and going along with whatever because he only has to do his part. and clearly his abomination tech combined with her showmanship/advertising (and honestly probably some oracle magic) has clearly made them successful.

so what im saying is that i think their power in their relationship is actually pretty balanced, if it looks otherwise that’s just because that’s how they best function together, with odalia being more forward and alador being more distant, and therefore they’re very much both to blame for shitty parenting.

also I know some people have joked about the blight family name coming from odalia (which is also a dumb joke like why is it funny if the family name comes from the woman and not the man) but anyways I definitely do think blight is aladors family name and odalia married in simply because he takes the whole blights keep up their end of the deal thing much more seriously than odalia. probably something that’s been taught to him since he was a kid yknow, whereas she was super ready to ignore it when it inconvenienced her.

as for the very final scene with them and the golden guard, i had an interpretation of it that i saw, but it seems that everyone else ive see react to it so far saw something different than me so maybe i’m just plain wrong. but like, i have this feeling that maybe the blight parents, while they do want power, might not be as aligned with the emperor and his coven as we may think?? not saying they’re good people, just that there could be more going on here. but idk, i’ve seen no one else interpret it that way yet so i won’t go off about it unless either someone wants to know more of what i thought or if i ever actually make myself get around to making a separate post about it.

#the owl house #owl house #toh #escaping expulsion

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