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franklespine · 4 months

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The scene at the start of All Hell Breaks Loose where Dean talks to Sam's corpse in that shack in the middle of nowhere is soul crushing to an incomprehensible level that the show hardly ever manages to reach again.

Firstly, what is revealed about Dean as he spills his heart open is devastating on a whole other level. Like there's grief and then there's this - it's like a piece of him has been torn out and he's left unable to literally function. It's not really a new idea in the series up to this point that Dean has centered his life around his family, in particular protecting Sam. As he starts off, he wishes so desperately that Sam didn't start asking questions about their family so Dean could preserve his innocence just a little bit longer. No doubt John put a lot of pressure on Dean to protect and look after Sam, but taking on this role was something that was all but written inside him, as he says, John didn't even have to tell him to do it, Sam was his responsibility. The tipping point in this scene is when Dean finally asks "what am I supposed to do" - how can he even begin to move beyond this? He doesn't care if the world ends anymore, doesn't care if Azazel wins and he never gets revenge. In asking this question Dean realises that he is incapable of letting go of Sam, of the responsibilities to his family he has built his life around like the grain of sand at the centre of the pearl, and of the crushing guilt that comes with 'failing' these responsibilities. The only way forwards is to force the laws of nature to bend for him and bring Sam back from the dead, no matter the cost.

Secondly, this is heart wrenching to me for Sam too. Here he is, 23 years old and lying dead on a dingy mattress in a shack in the middle of nowhere - the only escape from his dark destiny found in death. But the primary reason it seems that Dean makes this massive sacrifice to bring him back isn't because he's 23 and has so much of life he deserves to live, but because he is incapable of living under the weight of his guilt in failing him - that he is Dean's responsibility that he can't live with letting down. And this is not to say that Dean doesn't also bring him back because he loves and care for him as a person, but it's not like Dean was sitting there talking to Sam saying you didn't deserve this, we were so close to ending this, you deserved to go on to have a life that hasn't been built around and in grief and revenge, hell, you could've even gone back to university and had your happy ending. You know? It's like selling your soul for someone is a crazy batshit insane thing to do - the ultimate sacrifice. But same as with John, it seems that the reason behind it wasn't just pure love and desire for that person to live just because they didn't deserve to die. John needed Dean to be there to ensure Sam didn't go darkside - to kill him if he can't save him. In both cases it was out of love, but in this weird objectified way.

It's just so fascinating how this dynamic between the three Winchesters, love and sacrifice plays out in the early seasons. How supernatural finds selfishness at the centre of this seemingly sacrificial selfless act. The selfishness in martyrdom.

That's why this scene is just heart wrenching in my sad insane little head. Sam and Dean were crazy codependants before this but this scene marks a turn for the worst (in codependence) for them. This scene is like the solidification of Dean's belief that he is worthless and incapable of functioning without the responsibilities he holds to his family and solidifies that Sam is the little brother possession for Dean to protect and regulate until his time runs out and he's shipped off to hell - leaving him at the centre of his massacred family with all the fingers pointing in his direction. His mum was collateral damage to his anti-baptism by a demon, his Dad sold his soul for his brother's life to be the final yes or no in the decision of whether Sam deserves to live or not, and now his brother's gone and done the same for him. But hey, at least when Dean gets dragged down to hell it isn't with the weight of guilt that he failed his responsibilities.

(spoiler alert: he feels guilty for leaving Sam anyway and Sam spirals anyway).

#supernatural #spn #sam winchester #dean winchester #theyre just silly #silly little guys #i mean i could go on and on about the selling soul thing in s2/3 as an allegory for the cycles of emotional abuse #but that is a whole other can of worms for a different late night text post #also MERRY CHRISTMAS #yippee #i hope anyone who reads this and anyone who doesnt a very happy holiday #spn 2x22 #all hell breaks loose #spn meta #i guess

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jackles010378 · 2 months

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A Gift of a Lifetime

(Dean winchester x you)

Sammy phones you with a surprise you never thought you'd get, and just in time for a birthday you'll never forget.

(Not gonna lie I should've posted this on my birthday but I forgot 🫣 it's someone's birthday somewhere, right?! Enjoy guys 🥰)

Y/n was sitting on the couch, flipping through channels, when her phone rang. She glanced at the caller ID and felt a surge of hope. It was Sam Winchester, her dead boyfriend’s brother.

“Hey, Sam,” she answered, trying to sound casual. “What’s up?”

“y/n, I have something to tell you,” Sam said, his voice serious. “It’s about Dean.”

Y/n felt her heart skip a beat. Dean Winchester, her boyfriend of two years, had died four months ago, after he had sold his soul a year before to bring Sammy back to life. She had watched him get torn apart by hellhounds, and had buried him with Sam. They had mourned him every day since then, missing his smile, his jokes, his kisses.

“What about Dean?” she asked, her voice trembling.

“y/n, he’s alive,” Sam said.

Y/n could not believe what they were hearing. Dean was alive. How? Why? Where?

“Sam, are you sure?” she asked, her mind racing.

“Yes, I am sure. I saw him with my own eyes. He is here, at Bobby’s. He just showed up out of nowhere, with no memory of what happened. He said he dug himself out of his grave.”

Y/n felt a wave of emotions wash over her. Relief, joy, confusion, anger. How could Dean be alive, after all this time? How could he not remember anything? How could he just show up, without a word?

“Sam, I need to see him. I need to talk to him. Can you put him on the phone?”

“y/n, I do not think that’s a good idea. He is still confused, and he doesn’t know you’re alive. He thinks you died with him.”

Y/n felt a pang of pain. Dean thought they were dead. How could he think that? She had survived the hellhounds with Sam. She had stayed with Sam, helping him hunt and cope. They had never given up hope that Dean wouldn't come back.

“Sam, please. I need to hear his voice. I need to tell him I love him.”

“y/n, why don't I tell him I caught a case, and I bring him round to see you instead."

Y/n felt her heart beating faster at the thought of seeing Dean again.

“Then when can I see him?”

“We can swing by in a few days. It’s your birthday soon, right?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Then that’s when you’ll see him. It’ll be a surprise. A good one, I hope. I’ll bring him round to yours, I’ll tell him I found a case and we gotta interview a witness.”

“Okay. Okay, Sam. Thank you. Thank you for telling me. Thank you for bringing him back.”

“Y/n, don’t thank me. Thank whatever force brought him back. I don’t know what it is, or what it wants. But I know one thing. Dean loved you, still loves you, he deserves to be happy. And so do you.”

“Thank you, Sam. I love you. I love you both.”

“I love you too, y/n. See you tomorrow”.

Y/n didn't get much sleep over the next few nights. Her excitement was too much. She tossed and turned, thinking about Dean. She wondered how he looked, how he felt, how he would react when he saw her. She wondered if he did still love her, if he still wanted her, if he still needed her.

Although she had barely any sleep, Y/n got up early on the day of her birthday. She showered, dressed, and prepared breakfast. She set the table, lit some candles, and played their favourite songs. She waited, anxiously, for the knock on the door. Sammy had shot her a text they were a few minutes away.

Y/n was getting lost in her own little world sitting at the table nursing a now cold cup of coffee. That was until she was pulled out of it when she heard the knocking. She ran to the door, opened it, and saw Sam standing there, smiling. Behind him, she saw Dean.

He looked the same as she remembered him. His green eyes, his freckles, his smirk. He was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. He was wearing his fed suit, she always like it when he wore a suit. He was also holding a bouquet of roses. “Er, Sammy I don’t get why we got flowers for………”

“y/n,” Sam said, stepping aside. “This is Dean. Dean, this is y/n. Your girlfriend.”

Dean looked at y/n, his eyes wide with shock. He dropped the roses and took a step forward.

“y/n?” he whispered; his voice hoarse. “Is that really you?”

Y/n nodded, tears streaming down her face. She threw her arms around Dean and hugged him tight. She felt his arms wrap around her, and his breath on her neck. She felt his heartbeat, and his warmth. She felt him alive.

“Dean,” she sobbed, her voice muffled by his chest. “Dean, I love you. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, y/n,” Dean said, his voice cracking. “I love you too.”

Sam silently excused himself knowing they would want some space.

They pulled back and looked into each other’s eyes. They saw the love, the pain, the joy, the relief. They saw the past, the present, the future. They saw each other.

They learned in and kissed. They kissed like they had never kissed before. They kissed like they had been waiting for this moment for eternity. They kissed like they were the only two people in the world.

They kissed like they were alive. “Best birthday present ever” Y/n said as her lips hovered over Deans. He pulled back enough to look into her eyes “Happy birthday sweetheart” he pulled her back into a kiss that took her breath.

And so, the story of Dean Winchester and y/n continued—a story of love, death, and resurrection. A story of miracles, mysteries, and surprises. A story of happy birthdays, and happy endings.

TAGLIST: @k-slla @cevansbaby-dove @kaleldobrev @janineb86 @deans-daydream @alternativeprincess94 @nescavaneck @angelbabyyy99

#jensen ackles #dean winchester #jackles #supernatural #jensen ross ackles #spn cast #deanwinchtser #jensen ackles gifs #dean winchester x y/n #dean winchester gifs #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x female!reader #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester fic

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mind-empty-just-fictional-people · 10 months

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Hitched Before the Pit

Masterlist

Summary: It started when the djinn made Dean realize he was in love with you and ends with you holding your dead husband in your arms.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female Reader

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: talk of suicide, blood, marriage, Dean dies (obviously)

Author’s Note: I’m pretty sure weddings in Vegas don’t actually work like this, I’m just using the knowledge I gained from watching Friends.

“Marry me” was the first thing Dean said to you when he woke up from the djinn dream. The words surprised you but you chalked it up to him being under the djinn’s spell and ignored it. You had been casually dating Dean for almost two months at that point, but you knew he didn’t actually want to marry you. Well, you figured he didn’t.

In Dean’s “perfect world,” you were his wife, but he wasn’t going to admit that to you. He felt embarrassed about the whole situation, really. You two weren’t even ‘exclusive’ and he had proposed to you? He was glad you didn’t bring it up after; but, at the same time, he wished you’d say something, anything about what he said.

What shocked him most was that he actually meant it. He had begun to realize he was ridiculously, completely in love with you. He didn’t know how it happened; how you two went from casual hunter acquaintances, to close friends, then to this. All over the course of two short years.

Then he sold his soul. He was going to die in one year and there was nothing you could do to stop it. So, why let yourself continue to have feelings for him if you knew he was leaving? You decided it was for the best to slowly, but surely, cut him out of your life. That way when he did die, losing him wouldn’t destroy you.

But that didn’t work, at all. The more you tried to stop thinking about Dean, the more you realized how much he really meant to you. How much you loved him. Wow, you were mad at yourself! How could you let it get this far? How could you get so crazy about a man that was dying in nine months!?

Meanwhile, Dean had come to the conclusion that he was, in fact, in love with you, but you wanted to keep things casual. So, he kept his mouth shut and didn't plan on saying those three words anytime soon. But he took every opportunity to make you feel that you were important to him; a lingering touch, a forehead kiss, or even letting you drive his Baby. (When he first offered you genuinely thought there was something wrong with him, but when he insisted you realized what was really happening.)

Now it was six months. Six months and Dean would be gone, dead. And the two of you were still crazy in love with each other, neither one wanting to admit it. But then it hit you - you knew Dean loved you (well you suspected it at least) but what if he didn’t realize how much you cared about him? What if he was under the impression that you truly wanted to keep things casual?

“Dean?” You mumbled. You were laying on his chest, his arm resting on your shoulders as you both were in bed for the night.

“Mhm?” He mumbled back.

“I love you,” You told him. He didn’t answer, he stayed completely silent.

“What?” he asked breathlessly.

You sat up a little so you could look into his eyes; “I love you,” you repeated. He sat up fully, resting you on his lap.

“Seriously? Really?” He seemed absolutely shocked as a smile found its way onto his full lips.

“Yeah,” You whispered.

“Oh my god,” He kissed you and wrapped his arms around your waist. He suddenly pulled away when he realized he hadn’t said it back. He looked into your eyes and put a warm palm to your cheek, “I love you.”

You felt like a schoolgirl with how happy those three little words made you. You couldn’t help the ridiculous smile now on your face as you kissed him again.

“Where are we?” You yawned. You had drifted off while Dean was driving.

“About two hours from Vegas,” He replied.

“I still can’t believe you actually found a case that takes us to Vegas,” You shook your head with a laugh.

“Obviously vampires gamble too,” Dean smirked. “Besides, I’ve got four months left, why not take some time to party in Vegas!”

You tensed up at the words; four months. Four months and Dean was gone, you hated thinking about it. You scooted closer to him and leaned on his shoulder.

“Yeah, guess so,” You said lowly. You took hold of his right arm and moved it over your shoulders. “I love you, Dean, so much.”

“I love you too, so much,” He kissed the top of your head and somehow pulled you even closer.

“That was awesome,” Dean tossed his machete on the table back at the motel.

“Dean! That’s where we’re gonna eat!” You groaned, the table now splattered with vampire blood.

“Let’s get married,” He turned around to look at you.

“What?”

“There’s a little chapel within walking distance from here. I’ve got four months left, and I want to spend those four months being married to you.”

“Seriously!?” You furrowed your brows.

“Yeah!” He shrugged with a huge smile. There was a short silence as you looked at him and thought about what he was saying. “You know what, never mind. I’m sorry, forget it.” He turned back around.

“No, no, no,” You gripped his hand and turned him again so he was facing you. “I mean- yes! Yeah, I wanna marry you, Dean!” You smiled up at him. “Let’s get married!”

“Okay,” He held your face and kissed you. “Let’s go!”

“Wait, if we’re doing this, I wanna do it right! Sam and Bobby can be here by morning, I can get a dress tonight, and we’ll sleep in separate rooms.”

“Seriously?” He confirmed with a huge smile. “You- You really wanna do this?”

“Mhm,” You hummed, kissing him again. “See you tomorrow, fiancé,” You smiled, grabbed your duffle off the bed, and went to book a separate room.

“Okay, we’re gonna go in and act super wasted so they want to get us in and out quickly,” Dean told Bobby and Sam, his back facing you so he hadn’t seen you in your dress yet.

“What?” Sam laughed a little.

“Sammy, I’m wanted for murder! We can’t have these people asking questions, we just want to get legally married and get out!” Dean reasoned.

“Okay, well, good luck man,” Sam patted his shoulder.

“Here goes everything,” He smiled and turned around. “Good Lord, you’re gorgeous!” He beamed. You were smiling like crazy as the two of you walked to the door of the chapel. He opened the door for you and you both dramatically stumbled in.

“I wanna marry this man,” You shouted, intentionally slurring your words. “Woo!”

“One marriage license, please,” Dean exclaimed, slamming both your real IDs on the front desk.

“Okay, it’s one hundred dollars a service,” The woman behind the desk said. Dean took the cash out of his pocket and handed it to her. “Okay, just right through those doors.”

“Dean, can I talk to you for a quick minute?” You asked quietly, he could still hear the quiver in your voice. “Please?”

“Yeah, hun, of course,” He replied and left the room with you. “What’s up?”

“I know time is running out, and we can’t afford to waste even a second, but I- I just need to tell you that-” Your voice broke and tears began to fill your eyes as you continued. “That I love you, and if this doesn’t work I’m gonna do whatever it takes to get you back.”

“Hey, this is gonna work, okay?” He reassured you. Neither of you believed him, though. You both knew - Dean would be gone by morning. Gone forever.

You smiled sadly up at him and let the tears fall. “I love you, so much, Dean.”

“I love you so much, y/n,” He smiled back. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulled him down, and kissed him.

“How you doing over there, kiddo?” Bobby asked. You were in the passenger seat of his car, following the Impala to hunt Lilith. (Dean wanted some alone time with Sam, which you completely understood.) You had zoned out almost completely, lost in your thoughts because you knew you’d be losing Dean in just a few hours.

“I don’t think I can do this without him, Bobby,” You whispered.

“Well, you don’t have to keep hunting; Dean would understand if you wanted to quit the job.”

“No, I mean…” You sighed, tears continuing to slip down your cheeks. “This, any of this! I can’t imagine living life without Dean.”

“Oh,” Bobby furrowed his brows with concern. “Look, I know we've only known each other a couple of years, but I’m basically your father-in-law. If we do lose Dean, which is still an if, why don't you stay with me for as long as you need? I know what it's like to lose the love of your life, believe me, I know all too well. But Dean would be furious if he somehow climbs out of hell to find out you offed yourself.”

You laughed a little at his wording, “Yeah, I guess he would be.” You wiped away the tears, but more quickly followed anyway. “And if it’s really okay with you, I would like to stay at your place… I don’t really have anyone else to go to.”

“Of course it's okay with me! We’re family, y/n.”

“Midnight,” You whispered, looking down at Bobby’s pocket watch. You then looked up at him as tears clouded your eyes. “It’s midnight.”

You were both watching the house and heard Dean’s screams when the Hell Hounds tore into him. A sob escaped your lips before you covered your mouth with your hand. The two of you waited for a moment before a bright light erupted from the house. Another minute later, you both ran toward the house since the demons all seemed to be gone.

There he was. Bloody, torn apart, dead on the floor. Your Dean; your sweet, loving Dean. You froze when you saw him, completely shutting down as you stood there. Dean was gone, he was actually gone. Slowly, but surely, you made your way to your husband’s lifeless body. Sam was holding onto him and he looked up at you; both of you unable to see clearly, due to the flow of tears. You sat down and Sam let you hold him; taking him into your arms you let out a sob.

“Dean!” You screamed out in pain, unable to keep it in. You pulled him into your chest and rocked back and forth a little, letting out sobs as you clung to him. You kissed his forehead and cheeks repeatedly as the realization really sank in; your husband was dead.

#supernatural #dean winchester #spn #sam winchester #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #by mind empty just fictional people #by jean

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waywardseraph · 2 months

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I like Jody but she's only a few years older than Dean (she was born in 1976, he was born in 1979), therefore more likely to be a love interest than a mom for them. It's very odd how the women who are of a similar age to the guys in the show end up with this weird 'mom' framing.

Hi! I completely understand where you are coming from with this but I will have to agree to disagree. I don’t see Jody’s relationship with the brothers as odd. Yes, they are around the same age but have different life experiences. For example, Sam and Dean were never raised to be thriving adults in society. They barely managed to go to school. Their parents wasn’t around for almost their entire lives. It was just Sam and Dean against the world, facing trauma and pain the entire time. They needed people to fall back on. They needed a semblance of normality and love. Jody provided that by playing the “mother” role. Charlie provided that by playing the “sister” role. Bobby provided that by playing the “father” role. They created the family that they never had unintentionally. And I believe it’s because their own family never cared about them. John didn’t care. Mary didn’t care. Samuel didn’t care. If their blood relatives had to go through the same torture that Sam and Dean went through to save Sam and Dean, they wouldn’t do it. Samuel sold his own grandsons to Crowley. Now I will give John the benefit of the doubt, he did step up. When Dean was dying, he sold his soul to Yellow Eyes. When Azazel was going to kill Dean, he fought his way out of hell to distract Azazel long enough for Dean to kill him. I believe John cared but had a sorry way of expression it and he apologized too little, too late. But that’s just my opinion! No hard feelings either way. I enjoy talking about SPN and passing opinions back and forth. I enjoy showing my point of view and hearing other peoples point of views. It’s entertaining and interesting and brings us all together, I believe! So if you have any other questions or statements or just want to voice an opinion then feel free! That applies to everyone reading this too. Let’s talk! Just be respectful and friendly even if someone doesn’t agree with your opinion.

- WaywardSeraph🪽

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mpregspn · 10 months

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dean being told to either save or kill sam and instead of that selling his soul to bring him back when sam dies on his own. then dying bloody in front of sam and becoming the reason why sam needs either saving or killing, when he goes insane with grief and starts using his powers to get revenge. and dean coming back only sam's not the same anymore he's not clean he's all tied up in knots inside and he's not the little brother dean sold his soul for (except for how he is. he is)

is something that can be so personal

#spn

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eisforeidolon · 6 months

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Heller: Explain to me how Dean wasn't totes in lurve with the angel when he went into a deep depression every time Castiel died and was totes happy every time the angel came back?!?

Why bother? It's not like they listened the first fifty times, but hey, I'm bored today. Let's ignore the blatantly wrong hyperbole of Dean doing anything "every time" Castiel died. Fundamentally, you can break this down into two equally stupid categories of assertions:

How People Work: A person would only be devastated by the death of someone they were in love with.

What Even Is Canon: Dean was genuinely devastated by Castiel's deaths even given the comparisons to times we saw Dean actually devastated, devastated by Castiel's death alone in any of those situations, and glad to have Castiel back for himself and not what he could do for them as a semi-indestructible ally.

The first is hellers demonstrating their usual pointed ignorance of normal human behavior and relationships in service of pretending their ship is the undeniable center of the universe. Only someone who has never had a genuinely good friend - or is too young and/or lucky to have never lost one - would assert you can only be devastated by losing a romantic love. Whether it was pure lipservice or not, the show repeatedly told us Castiel was the Winchesters' "best friend" who was "like a brother". So the only thing further thing that needs to be said about it this is: fuck right on out of here with that weird-ass antisocial bullshit.

The second is hellers ignoring literally everything in the canon that they can't make about Dean and Castiel - so they can pretend a storyline actually exists between Dean and Castiel. They can keep acting like context is an entirely foreign concept, but that doesn't do anything but make them look like fools over and over.

We've seen Dean actually devastated - when he lost or was going to lose Sam. He told Bobby to let the world end, sold his soul, made deals with Death and random angels, etc. I could go on, but the basic underlying point was that he literally never went to similar lengths over Castiel. Not only that, but for every single time Castiel died and Dean was upset? Bigger and far more devastating things were going on contributing to his overall mindset and alcohol abuse.

The first two angel explosions, Dean barely has time to react. So let's jump directly to the Leviathan fiasco. First, Dean's not just upset Castiel's dead, he's upset Castiel was fucking lying and going behind their backs for a year and is now dead after breaking Sam's brain and declaring himself God. Again, going back to a lack of understanding of how people work? If you don't get why being mad at a dead friend would fuck you right up ... well. Which doesn't even get into the fact that Dean is ALSO very upset about having to go on the run from seemingly invincible monsters from Purgatory (including ditching his beloved car), Sam currently barely holding on to his sanity, more guilt over lying to Sam about Amy, and then Bobby dying on top of it. As to him being happy to have Castiel back? He's happy - to find someone with the potential to fix Sam, after which he ditches Castiel's comatose ass with Meg in an asylum without looking back. When the tablet wakes the angel back up? I'm not even sure you could call his reaction "happy" so much as willing to take advantage of someone with knowledge and powers to try and fix the still ongoing shitstorm of the Leviathans.

There's an interim death where April the reaper stabs him, but since Gadreel immediately heals him - just as he did with Charlie an episode later, except Dean actually asks for Charlie to be resurrected, Gadreel brings Castiel back on his own initiative? There's again not much of a reaction to speak of. Except in the sense that Dean's very next action, after seeing the consequences of Castiel being on his own mostly human in a world full of angels out for his head? Is to kick Castiel out of the bunker without even giving him money or pointing him towards one of their safe houses because he's not as important to Dean as Sam continuing to be healed.

When Castiel is stabbed by Lucifer at the end of season 12, sure Dean is upset. But it's fucking insane to pretend that he's not more upset about his recently-returned-to-life mother, the trauma of whose original loss basically shaped his entire fucking life, being yanked into a rift to an alternate universe with Lucifer! FFS. Then there's the part where Lucifer's super powerful Nephilim child has just been born and might kill just them or maybe the whole world, too. Sure he prays to Chuck for Castiel's return - right along with Mary's and even Crowley's. But he doesn't offer anything for it and immediately gives up when there's no answer. When he meets up with Billie a few episodes later after temporarily killing himself on a case, despite their meta it was in despair over the angel? He asks immediately to go back to life, and when Billie prevaricates? He asks for the ghosts in the house to be freed. He admits to feeling fatalistic because of his inability to save Castiel BUT ALSO Mary AND EVEN the rando VotW kid that just died in the house with equal weight. He asks for information about Mary. He does not ask for Castiel to be resurrected or to be reunited with him in any other way. Sure he's glad Castiel returns shortly thereafter - but it does not stop any of his angsting the rest of the season over Mary and Jack. I think his pulling a gun on Kaia is deeply OOC, but that's well after Castiel's resurrection and they're gonna pretend that's happy, well-adjusted Dean totes fixed by Castiel's return? LOL. Not even to mention that after one episode of the angel being back, Dean is perfectly happy for Castiel to fuck off out of his presence to search for Jack - and when Castiel promptly gets himself kidnapped? Dean doesn't notice the person who is calling to check in every single day about the search, who it is explicitly canon he personally talked to on the phone, is not Castiel. Just like Dean didn't notice him being possessed by Lucifer in season 11, oops.

Then we get to the final one. Yeah, Dean is upset Castiel died after his brain reboots from having to listen to Misha queerbait the shit out of his sheep Castiel's derpy, rambling goodbye speech about ambiguous love. But he was already upset and drinking for pulling a gun on Sam, for Billie's plan being a double-cross, for Chuck having turned full villain and absorbed Amara making him more powerful than ever while Jack got de-powered, for the overall questions he's struggling with about destiny and free will when Chuck has been manipulating their entire lives, for Chuck disappearing seemingly every-fucking-body on the planet except him, Sam, and Jack. Sure Dean mentions Castiel specifically when he and Sam offer to fight to the death for Chuck's amusement if he puts everything back - probably because he was killed in a different way from the rest of the vanished. But it's not more of an impassioned plea than Dean gives birds or showing more upset than when Chuck vanishes Miracle right after they find him. Then there's having to deal with Michael again, so sure, Dean is hopeful that Castiel might return for a hot second when they need all the help they can get. But once it's all said and done and they've tricked Chuck and installed Jack as the new God who brings the rest of the planet back? Dean doesn't ask Jack to bring Castiel back one last time. When Sam is sad about missing Jack and Castiel, Dean waxes philosophical about how they need to just enjoy their lives without them and is more interested in his pie. They can write all the bad meta they want about Dean intentionally impaling himself on that rebar, but he's clearly happy with no Castiel in sight. When Dean arrives in heaven, even when Bobby explicitly mentions Castiel, Dean shows literally no interest in asking about or seeking out the angel. His car, on the other hand comes immediately to mind. If that isn't clear enough, we see exactly what reunion makes Dean's heaven more than "almost perfect" and brings full closure to his story. Since they desperately wanted to count TW when they had delusions of it canonizing their ship, let's throw in that TW's meddling ghost Dean is still fixing things so Sam can have a full life, looking up random AU versions of his parents, and hanging out with ghost Bobby - while literally no one even mentions Castiel anywhere in his vicinity. Everything he could ever want or need or dream? Doesn't include Castiel. Totes twue lurve, yeah?

While I think that makes the point as clearly as anything could, I'd also like to mention in passing that I didn't even go over several additional times when Castiel was maybe going to die and/or Dean basically shrugged it off because he didn't care that much or bigger shit was going down elsewhere. This is already long enough already, and ultimately no amount of actual canon is ever going to matter to people who pretend anything that doesn't fit into their fantasies about YA romance tropes and the secret meaning of wardrobe and pastry magically doesn't exist.

Still, it's very easy to explain, it's all right there in a basic human understanding of relationships and the show's canon.

#destihellers #canon is not their friend #long post

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spiritclusters · 2 years

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Contrary to popular belief,

Dean’s biggest flaw is not his selflessness, but his selfishness.

And Sam’s biggest flaw is not his selfishness but his selflessness.

I.G.:

Dean selling his soul for Sam was an act of high-tier selfishness and should never be considered selfless. Leaving Sam dead would have been an act of selflessness unprecedented in their family. Dean did not sell his soul for Sam, he sold it for himself. Then he spends the rest of the seasons either forcing Sam back from the dead against his will (or shoving his soul into his body again so he can have “his” brother), and then being angry at Sam for not appreciating all that he’s doing for him. He shoves an ANGEL into Sam and then get’s angry that Sam didn’t appreciate the sentiment.

But Dean’s not doing it for Sam, he’s doing it for Dean.

And yes, it makes sense, who would want to do that life alone, but at the same time. my guy, my man, my dude.

However.

Sam drinking demon blood because he thought it would avenge and help Dean was not something he did for himself. Sam jumping into the pit so everyone can live was high-tier selflessness.

Sam thinking Dean was dead in S8 and leaving him dead was an act of selflessness. He did not try to bring Dean back. He left Dean dead for Dean and tried to move on. That was the most selfless thing he could have done. He didn’t know about purgatory. He didn’t know that Dean was suffering. In his mind, Dean died and went to heaven and that was that.

Sam spends the entire series doing things for everyone else and then being called selfish for it, whereas Dean spends the entire series doing things for himself and being told he’s selfless. I do think that at heart, Dean wants to be a selfless person, but when it comes to matters of family, he’s not.

The dichotomy drives me insane.

#sam #dean #sam meta #dean meta #sam deserves better

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xx-blueboy-xx · 7 months

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To celebrate trickster Tuesday! I am going to ramble about Mystery Spot, the episode ever. Don't take any of this super seriously I am by no means a "meta analysis" this is just me foaming at the mouth. + the spiral of thoughts it sent me on.

Anyways. If you wanna read it! It's below the cut! Because it got (long).

First off, Mystery Spot represents the literal cycle Sam (and also the entire Winchester family) find themselves caught in, over and over and over again: due to their inherent savior & martyr complexes. Which are not a great blend. Imagine having to save everyone you care about, but, always being willing to simply - die for them. More than willing. Happy to. Feel like you have to, in order to be worth anything to anyone or them. In order to atone.

Now, we saw in S1-S2 how much Dean is willing to give up for family, for Sam. It's the entire reason S3 is happening - he sold his own soul to a demon, something he hated John for, to save Sam. To bring him back to life. Something we learn that his own mother did all those years ago: just not at the price of her soul, but, essentially - her first born child (so Rumplstilskin of Azazel for real). The Winchester need to save each other, that toxic codependency on family, that "family is all you got at the end of the day" mentality is what started it all.

We have only seen in S1-S2 breif glimpses that Sam also shows these signs. The same codependency as Dean, and that savior complex. However - it never becomes truly and completely apparent until S3. Where he is willing to steal human livers, find anyway - anything to save Dean from his deal. It isn't until Jessica, John and everyone else he has known is gone, that Sam begins to fall completely into the codependency that Dean unfortunately, feeds into. (With all of his "You ran away from the family" talk and such)

In Mystery Spot: we see the first true depths of how far Sam is willing to go to keep Dean alive. How far he has fallen from that rebelliousness he had before John died. Starting to agree with Dean that he "tried his best". And things like that. In Mystery Spot we see that Sam rather relive the same day over and over and over again, than let Dean die. We never see him accept it. Not once. Sure, it's a time-loop, but we know Gabriel was trying to teach Sam to let go.

Teach him to break the fucking cycle. But he doesn't. He contuines to give into it, over and over. Until Gabriel reveals himself, thinking maybe he can still change it. Change Sam. Get through to him. That'd when we get those 6 months of pure obessesion.

And at the end of it? We see the Sam that suggested to Dean they use the evil-immortal doctors alchemy to keep him alive, perfectly willing to steal human livers and such for it: come out full force. He is completely willing to sacrifice a stranger to save Dean. Rather than being hellhent on killing the Trickster, on revenge, he wants him back. At any cost. Even an innocent human life.

This is the Sam we see, after years and years of Dean encouraging this behavior - seasons later, bring an entire apyclopse down on the world to get rid of the Mark of Cain. Force a man to sell his soul. Have Rowena kill the inky person she had ever allowed herself to love - someone she considered her son. To utterly get rid of another person's autonomy (keeping her locked up ect.) to get it.

Note: it is NOT Dean's fault, that Sam broke Amara out, I simply am stating that his "we die for family sammy" and "we do everything for family sammy" throughout the years helped Sam make the decision. But at the end of the day, Sam choose to get rid of the Mark. All of the death that happened because of her is pretty directly on his hands, and he knows this.

I also believe that, while Sam feels massive amounts of sympathy, I believe he struggles a (lot) with empathy (autism + protecting himself/trauma response). He can easily replicate empathy, and act as if he cares but we see his hypocritical behavior consistently come into play and make us think: huh. I don't think he actually understands how Dean, Castiel ect. feels. That is why he comes off as spoiled and ungrateful to Dean in early seasons, and in later seasons does things that are completely amoral and deranged. Simply for those he loves.

Because he struggles to wrap his head around *why* Dean can save him, kill people for him, force an angel on him - but when he releases an apyclopse, him saying "I would do it all again." Is somehow wrong. He doesn't see his own hypocrisy at times and struggles especially to see others.

Anyways.

I support Sammy war crimes.

#trickster tuesday #gabriel spn #sam meta #sam winchester #dean winchester #character study #?#spn meta #spn #supernatrual #sam morality #morality #savior complex

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jawritter · 2 years

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The Devil’s In The Next Room

Chapter 3

Requested: aaaaaah requests are open! first of all, love all your work and i’m excited whenever i get a notif saying you posted 💞. if i may, can i ask for any mafia! dean x reader, i’m always a sucker for him :’)

Summary: They told her he was The Devil in the flesh. She was just a hired escort, so it should have been just another job, so how did she get in so damn deep?

Pairing: Mafia Boss!Dean Winchester x Escort!Reader

Word Count: 3148

Warings: Language, Controlling Dean, Mood swings, first look at ‘dom!dean’. Talk of future smut.

Beta’d By: @deanwanddamons

A/N: THERE WILL BE NO TAG LIST FOR THIS SERIES!!! Please do not copy my work! Feedback is golden! Enjoy!

Series Masterist!

Dean gave Y/N just one day to get her affairs in order before she was required to move into the penthouse with him. It was more than she had expected. She half expected that he was going to drag her back to his penthouse when they had left the restaurant the night before, but apparently he was more human than animal in at least some aspects, and allowed her at least one more night to herself, instructing her to bring nothing but the clothing on her back and whatever personal belongings that had sentimental value to her that she might like to keep in her assigned room. She wasn’t even allowed to bring her cell phone. He said one would be provided for her once she arrived ‘home’, along with whatever else she might have needed.

At this point, it really did feel as if she sold her soul to the devil himself.

Sleep evaded her in what was the last night in her own bed. The new reality that was sure to face her in her new “home” with Dean, loomed overhead like an impending Texas summer storm. There was no way to run from it now. There was no getting away from its destructive forces. She was literally at the mercy of the powers that be, and that power just happened to be the devil himself.

Dean Winchester.

She would have never guessed, even in her line of “work” and the dangers that it naturally possessed, that she would find herself in this predicament, yet, here she was.

She tried not to google anything else about Dean, deciding somewhere around midnight that the less she knew the better off she was when it came to Dean and his real dealings, rumored or fact. She would do the job he was paying her a damn large sum of money to do. She’d play the part. She wouldn’t let her heart get in the way, because that made one weak, and if she was going to survive this, being weak wasn’t an option.

Sure enough, just as Dean said it would, a black Cadillic was sitting outside of her apartment building as soon as the sun broke over the buildings that lined the Seattle skyline. It sat out in the light drizzling rain like an omen of death itself, ominously waiting for her to take that final walk to meet it like an old friend, or maybe an old enemy. She wasn’t sure yet.

She thought she wouldn’t be as emotional as she was about leaving her apartment, but she felt that pull of uncertainty and it made her uneasy. It was like closing a door on a chapter in her life she just knew she was never going to get to go back to, and that bothered her more than she’d admit. She was never a sentimental person to begin with. Hell, she walked out of it with literally just the clothes on her back. No pictures, no other belongings, closing the door on everything, even leaving dishes in the sink, and just walked away. Still, there it was as she stepped foot on the rain-soaked pavement as the sky split open overhead, and the driver stepped out with an umbrella to let her inside the safety of the warm car. That uncertain feeling. That feeling that once she got inside this car, there was never going to be any going back, no matter how much she wanted too.

“Ms. Y/L/N,” the young man said, grabbing her attention as he held the door open for her. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes,” Y/N said, clearing her throat she shook her head as she forced herself to move forward and climbed into the dark interior of the car. The windows were heavily tinted, and she was sure it would have been like riding at night, regardless of how high the sun was in the sky.

She watched the man in his slender form hurry around the car, and climb behind the wheel before turning to her. “Now that we’re not both getting soaked,” he said, giving her what she assumed was supposed to be a friendly smile before he passed her a brand new iPhone. “My name’s Garth, and I’m here to be your driver and personal assistant, whatever you need me to be. I’ve already taken the liberty of putting my number, as well as Mr. Winchester’s inside the phone for you. If you need a ride anywhere, or require anything, even something as small as having something picked up from the store, I’m just a phone call away.”

“Thanks,” she murmured as she took the phone from Garth who turned and started the car to pull out onto the main road. Her fingers trembled slightly as she unlocked the sleek device, and started to familiarize herself with it. She was grateful for the distraction honestly, for just a moment it gave her something to focus on as her old home and her old life faded away into the rain-soaked distance now a memory.

She found the contacts and sure enough, there was Dean’s number as well as Garth’s. Her fingers lingered for a moment over the name, debating on whether she should try to contact him or not. After all, she had no idea where he was, or even if he was able to talk, so she just locked the phone and placed it into the pocket of her coat.

“Mr. Winchester is waiting for you in the penthouse,” Garth informed her as he turned down the busy streets seemingly unfazed by the heavy traffic around him and the growing thunderstorm. “Would you like me to walk you up Ms. Y/L/N?”

“Please Garth,” she interrupted him with a nervous sigh, “just call me Y/N. Ms. Y/L/N just sounds too formal.”

“Okay, I can do that,” he agreed with a wide smile. “But seriously do you want me to escort you up to the penthouse? It’s business hours, and the floor is pretty busy today.”

“If you wouldn’t mind,” she answered him, and he nodded sharply as if she’d just given him the ultimate mission. She would have been amused by the tall, slender man if she had not been a bundle of nerves and possible regret. She was pretty certain almost nothing could make him angry, he just had that, ‘no matter what comes I’m good’ attitude.

“It’s no trouble at all I assure you. Mr. Winchester assigned me to do whatever you need.”

Garth pulled into the parking garage of the building, driving slowly through the levels to get to where he needed to park, and the closer she got to getting out of this car, the more her hands started to tremble.

“Have you spoken to Dean today, Garth?” she asked as she stared out the window, suddenly feeling like all she wanted to do was cry even if she couldn’t really put her finger on why.

“Yes I have,” he answered chipperly. She wondered if the man was always in that damn good of a mood.

“What kind of mood was he in?” she questioned.

“Good,” Garth answered, furrowing his brows slightly as he tried to remember. “Straightforward as he always is, but good.”

She thought it best to keep her mouth shut as he put the car in park, not trusting her own voice or nerves as she slowly stepped out of the car, and followed Garth, who had opened the door for her, towards the elevator in the parking garage.

“This is why I wanted to walk you up,” Garth said, “if you press this button here with the P on it, you go straight to the penthouse, and don’t have to walk through the business part of the building,” he instructed and she breathed a sigh of relief. She really did not want to go through all the looks and whispers again like she had the first time she was here.

But small victory aside, the elevator ride up was too short, and before she knew it the ding sounded and the gold plated doors opened to the same level of the penthouse she had arrived on that fateful night.

“This is where I leave you,” Garth announced proudly as he held the door open for her.

She gave him a tight smile and took a deep breath as she stepped out into the foyer of the penthouse and tried not to flinch as the doors closed behind her, leaving her to the mercy of Dean, wherever he was.

She could hear voices coming from the living area of the penthouse, and followed the sound, her heart racing with every step she took and when she rounded the counter, she froze on the spot. A long haired man, one she recognized as Sam from the real-estate articles and posters all over town, was sitting on the couch across from Dean, a black haired woman by his side, and another older man she did not recognize; all of them froze as soon as she stepped foot into the room.

“Hey honey, how was your trip?” Dean questioned, quickly falling into character as he jumped to his feet and crossed the small space to where she was standing to wrap his arms around her before capturing her lips in his in a tasteful kiss.

“Good,” she answered him, attempting a smile but failing miserably. “Just a little tired.” In her defense, it was hard to act when her head was swimming from her unexpected greeting of not only Sam and the other gentlemen, but Dean grabbing her and kissing her as soon as she walked into the room.

Dean almost breathed a sigh of relief that she was smart enough to play along and pecked her again before turning her towards the rest of the room, but she had a feeling there was a ‘keep up the act’ warning behind that one, because it was a little more forceful than the first, and had he not been holding onto her, she probably would have staggered backward.

“Y/N, this is my little brother Sam and his wife Ruby, and that cranky old man in the corner over there is my Uncle Bobby. That grumpy of fuck over there is his friend Rufus is over there looking out of the window ignoring most everyone in the room,” Dean said, introducing her to the stone cold faces in the room that were eyeing her with an air of curiosity, and in Sam’s case, disgust. “Everyone, this is Y/N, my girlfriend I was telling you about.”

Dean turned her towards the hallway as they mumbled their greetings and turned their backs to her. “Why don’t you go and lay down sweetheart, this is just a boring old business meeting about a sale on the north side of Seattle. We’re almost done here. Then I’ll join you and we can just rest for the remainder of the day.”

“That’s okay Dean, we were actually just leaving,” Bobby said, getting to his feet and adjusting his suit jacket. “I can email you the rest of the details when we get back to New York.”

“Okay,” Dean said, turning around to face him but keeping a death grip on her hand, another clear warning to keep herself in check. Not that she needed one, terrified wasn’t a strong enough word for what she was right now. She wasn’t about to put a toe out of line. At least, not on purpose.

“That will work. I will send everything over as soon as I get the paperwork done,” Dean readily agreed, and the men in the room all stood from their perspective places.

Bobby took several steps towards her, and it took everything in her power to not take a step back as he looked her over, searching for a flaw of any sort she assumed.

“I like this one Dean,” he announced after a few moments. Sam and Ruby were standing behind him, waiting for the elder man to make his way toward the door, but he didn’t seem to get in a hurry or care one way or another that he was holding them all up. “Don’t fuck it up boy. She looks good on you.”

“I don’t intend to fuck anything up,” Dean decreed with a face of stone. The old man nodded, and stalked towards the door. Sam reached up to slap Dean on the shoulder before following with Ruby in tow, leaving Y/N alone with Dean in the penthouse.

“What the fuck was that?” Y/N blurted out before slapping her hand over her mouth. Dean doubled over in a dark laugh before letting go of her hand and stalking off towards the minibar.

“It was nothing, they just came by to discuss the quarterly reports,” Dean informed her, still chuckling as he waved his massive palm in dismissal. “Bobby looks mean and scary, but he wouldn’t hurt a fly. He was more of a father to me than my father actually was.”

Y/N stood in silence, watching him as he turned and leaned against the counter, his trademark black attire which consisted of a pair of black slacks, a solid black long sleeve button down, and a shiny pair of black shoes. The fabric of his clothing pulled against his chest and thighs as he crossed his arms and legs, his eyes racking over her with a hunger in them that made her shiver.

“I am sorry that you had to walk into that first thing. Normally, all business dealings are done away from here, but you know family, they tend to show up when and where they want,” he assured her and she nodded, shifting her weight nervously from foot to foot; completely unsure as to what to do with herself.

“Come on,” he said, downing the rest of the amber liquid and rolling up his sleeves as he led her down the hallway. She followed him in silence, taking in as much as she could all while trying to keep up with his swift pace.

“This will be your room, change it or fix it however you’d like,” he voiced as he reached around her and opened her door to the left of where she was standing.

The room was bigger than the lounge of her old apartment. Her jaw hit the floor at the sight of her plush furniture, four poster king sized bed, and expansive windows overlooking the city. She’d only seen rooms like this in movies. Never in person. The fact that it was her, really hers, was staggering.

“You have your own bathroom behind that door there, and an intercom there to ring the kitchen if you need anything from the help. Just press that button, tell them whatever you want, and Ms. Butters will bring it right up. She’s my cook as well as the “keeper of the house” so to speak. She will be able to do anything you need.”

“So...I wont be sleeping with you?” she asked, and he snorted with indifference or amusement, she wasn’t sure which. He could be really hard to read.

“Honey you don’t want to sleep next to me I assure you. I don’t sleep much anyways, and I am a horrible bed partner. I don’t like to cuddle, and by the time I’m done with you in the afternoons you’re going to have more than your fill of me.”

Something in his voice was laced with a promise, and it struck fear into her...and excitement. She was a little ashamed of that latter part, but she’d deal with that later.

“So...I will have to perform ‘evening’ services or—”

“The contract states you will do what I say, when I say it, and don’t forget it. You will come whenever you're called. Morning, evening, middle of the night, whenever and wherever I feel like it. Other than that, and unless instructed otherwise, stay out of my way.”

That stung. She thought they were making ground. Last night he was much more friendly than he was today, and she didn’t understand why he was suddenly colder towards her than he was the night before, or even seemed to be just a few moments ago. Was it because she got confused that they weren’t sleeping in the same room? Why did it hurt so much? Why did she even care? She would have thought she would be thankful that he didn’t want her under him twenty-four hours a day.

Hell, this guy was supposed to be a sex addict! This is the third time she’d met him, and he was yet to try and get what he is paying for. Something didn’t add up.

“I’ll leave you to get settled. I have a meeting I have to attend downstairs, and then I have an errand to run across town,” he said as he leaned against the door frame of her room and watched as she explored the enormous bed in the center of it. “When I get home tonight, I will summon you for dinner, after which I will require your services. You can explore the penthouse, all but my bedroom at the very end of the hallway, unless I take you in there myself, it’s off limits to you. Do you understand?”

“Yes sir,” she answered and she was damn sure she heard a growl escape him as he crossed the floor to stand in front of her. She swore for a moment, just a moment, his eyes turned jet black as his large hand came up to roughly grab her jaw, pulling her into a rough kiss that was all tongue and teeth and too quick to really be classified as enjoyable. It was more of a display of control than anything; a pure carnal act with zero feeling or emotion. Now she understood why he said SHE wasn’t allowed to kiss him on the mouth, HE wanted to be in control of that, noted.

As he pulled away from her, a strange, brandlike tattoo shined on his forearm. It resembled some sort of strange tribal symbol, and for some reason, the mark really stuck out to her. If it was a scar, it was the strangest one she’d ever seen.

“Remember those manners later sweetheart. Good girls get rewarded. You don’t want to get on my bad side, baby girl. I may not be allowed to punish you, but I can still make you beg.”

Before she could respond he turned on his heels and left, leaving her alone in the huge house with nothing but echoing thoughts that she was too scared to let run wild because she didn’t know just how far down that rabbit hole she was willing to go.

Forever Tags:

@jensenslady79

@wittysunflower

@spnwoman

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@unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men

@deanssliceofcherrypie

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Jensen and Dean’s Babes

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Jensen’s Babes:

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Dean’s Babes

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#the devils in the next room #dean winchester #dean winchester series #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester fanficiton #dean winchester fanfic #dean x reader #dean x you #mafia!dean winchester x escort!reader #mafia!dean x you #dean winchester x y/n #spn fanfiction #spn fanfic #spn series #jawritter

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ashtraythief · 1 year

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Ok last question. If I had to ask: who do you think loved the other more. Sam or Dean? Or who was more devoted? I think our gut reaction says Dean since Sam was the one that wanted out, and Dean sold his soul for him, but Sam does go absolutely mad after the deal and would have basically done anything for Dean to keep them together, so I don’t know. I guess I’m drawn to Dean because I think if Sam were the one to die in the finale… I just wouldn’t be able to stomach that ending, them doing that to Dean, making him live without his little brother. So I guess him? What do you think?

Hmmm yeah. I think this is a very old question, and people much smarter than I have said something along these line, but. SInce you asked. I don’t think one loves the other more than the other. I mean, how do you quantify love anyway, on that level? Especially in two people who love each other so much. I think they act differently based on their love because they are so different. If you look at the early season, both of them do insane things for each other which continues through to season ten when it comes to murder and sacrifice. There’s the established meta that Dean sacrifices himself to save Sam and Sam sacrifices everything else to save Dean, i.e. Dean will kill himself for Sam and Sam will kill everyone else for Dean. Which holds up in a lot of instances. There are exceptions, like when Sam wants to make a crossroads deal at the beginning of season 4 and trade places with Dean, but he’s also very desperate and very drunk and as soon as a Dean-look-and-act-alike Ruby drags him out of his depression with sex and drugs, he goes back to killing. But I don’t think that that shows a different intensity of love, just a different way of acting based on that love. And Sam, even though he left the family and was away for over three years (there is the line in the pilot that they haven’t seen each other for two years, which Kipke has said was a writing error, but if we take it as canon it means at least once while Sam was at Stanford Dean showed up there (because he said “in almost two years, I haven’t bothered you or asked for anything,” implying he did so two years ago)), it only takes Sam twelve episodes to bring Dean to a faith healer without considering any of the consequences or implications and get his brother healed above anyone else in attendance. The single mindedness with which he pushed Dean into the front row, never even doubting that Dean wouldn’t be chosen, because how could he not? Next to Sam’s desperation, let’s not forget his conviction it would work, which has to be built on utter love and devotion, both seeing Dean as hero who would naturaly be chosen and saved and being unable to process a scenario in which he actually dies. And yeah, early seasons Sam prayed and presumably had faith, so why not believe in a good faith healer, but let’s be real, he wasn’t that broken up about the price of Dean’s life. And he was just fucking feral when Dean’s life was threatened. Hell, just the episode before, in Scarecrow, he gave up finding dad and getting leads on Jessica’s killer to save Dean’s life because he was in danger. Considering how little time it took Sam to fall back into this pattern, I don’t think he ever left it. Just because Sam left doesn’t mean his love ever diminished. Maybe he was able to push it back, think about Dean less, but I believe that there was always a part in his heart aching for Dean.

More ramblings under the cut.

The rest of the show is pretty obvious, both of them go insane when the other is threatened, murder and sacrifice and make deals to save their brother or get them back, work with shady angels and shady witches, lie to each other to keep the other alive. It settles in season 11 and they start backing each other's plays and do the whole domestic thing, but they don't love each other less. They're just less insane about it. I mean, obviously, Dean is still willing to risk death to bring Sam back in Red Meat, but Sam accepts letting Dean be the soulbomb at the end of season 11 (that's how that went, right? I'm hazy on late season details). There's of course also the whole Dean in the box thing because of Michael, where Dean was willing to make the self-sacrifice but knew he couldn't if his brother didn't want it. Insanity? Probably. But hey, they're happily loving each other once the decision is made lol.

As for the devotion, I think Dean is maybe more devoted simply because he had to fill the caretaker role when he was younger, but then how do you seperate that kind of intense, twisted, codependent love from devotion? I'd say that it is just part of their love. You do have more moments, where Dean says he wants the happy apple pie life for Sam, where he says I'm a hunter, I will live and die a hunter, but you have a chance to get out and get happiness, never really accepting that Sam's happiness is with Dean. Dean always thinks Sam could do better and Sam just wants Dean. Despite everything, they chose each other, again and again. But I think this is why Dean sends Sam out to have a normal life when he dies and it's why Sam appears on the bridge in his pilot clothes to show Dean that his heaven was always with Dean.

As for would Dean have survived Sam if Sam had died in Carry On… probably not. Then again, after Swan Song, when Dean’s ready to die with Sam, Sam tells him to go to Lisa. Orders him to get the apple pie life. And when Dean survives his initial attempt to die with Sam in Stull Cemetery, Dean goes to Lisa. He’s a mess (even though, let’s be real, Dean as a mess is still a better man than most, clearly evident by the love Lisa and Ben have for him and Lisa later being able to dump him when he hurts Ben indicating he’s never really done anything dump-worthy in the year before soulless Sam came for him), but Dean soldiers on because Sam asked him to. In the same way Dean asks Sam to soldier on when Dean dies in Carry On. Both are moments of letting the other one go and getting tasked to be happy. And both of them succeed in a very superficial way. Don’t get me wrong, I think Dean loved Lisa and Ben, and Sam loved Dean Jr., and both had happy moments, but they were both waiting to see the other again. Dean was so ready to go back on the road with Sam in s6 and Sam sat in the Impala and fucking grieved twenty years later like it was yesterday he buried his brother. His room was a shrine for his family and his brother, he wore Dean’s clunky watch until he died. The Carry On Sam grief montage leaves a lot of room to interpretation, but there is absolutely nothing that counter indicates the reason that Sam was grieving like a widower and the only thing that gave him joy was giving Dean 2.0 the life Dean 1.0 never got to enjoy. And the moment Sam dies, the moment he’s on that bridge, he’s wearing pilot clothes and telling Dean without any words that it’s always been him. If it had been the other way round, and Sam had ordered Dean to go find happiness, could Dean have done it? Probably not. Not because he wouldn't want to honor Sam's wish or because he wasn't strong enough, but because he'd already done it once. He lived without Sam for a year, had a great girlfriend, a great kid, and yet, it was nothing compared to the dangerous, exhausting but also rewarding life of hunting with Sam. Facing the worst danger in the world with Sam. Being exhausted and run down with Sam. Being hurt with Sam. Saving people, hunting things. With Sam. So if Sam were impaled in that barn and told Dean to go for the apple pie life, I think Dean would have told Sam to go screw himself, he'd already done it once, he was good with his life now, all he ever wanted, I love you so much my baby brother, I'm so proud of you, of us, and there's nothing else I ever wanted. I won't stop hunting, but you'll see me soon and I don't want you to be sad about it because I won't be, and Sam would say okay. Okay, Dean. And they'd meet on that bridge again.

So no, I don’t think one loved the other more or less. I think, like so many things about them, their love is shared. One. Their soul-mate-ism, if you will. They just act differently upon that love, but ultimately, it’s the guiding force in both of their lives.

#anon ask #spn meta #gencest #the epic love story of sam and dean #wincest #some might claim #but really it's just canon

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catnipster69 · 1 year

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Despair

Dean had never felt despair greater than this. Or, he had, but never for this long. When Sam died and Dean sold his soul, that was only a few days. Sure, hell was hanging over him, but he was certain in his choice. This—Sam had been dead for a year, a year where no matter what Dean did to bring him back, he was met with dead ends. There wasn’t even a fucking body. All the while Dean tried to salve his wounds with the love of a good woman, a son who wasn’t his, an “apple pie life” he’d give up in a heartbeat if Sam were here. He was hanging on by his fingernails, trying to live without his brother.

And then—Sam was here. He was here, and he hadn’t been dead at all. All this time. He was hunting without Dean. He was fine without Dean. He was only here because the hunt led him here. Now, this—this was despair.

#despair #dean winchester #sam winchester #spn fanfic #my fic #fan fiction #catnipster69 drabbles #drabbles #my posts #soulless sam

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welikeclownsinthishouse · 7 months

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Entry number 8 for @ailesswhumptober

Day 8: Panic attack

Everything was going smoothly so far; they knew what kind of monster they were hunting, a vampire, and they had an estimated location. Now they just had to find the guy before he could kill someone else.

Honestly, that was the first sign that something bad was going to happen. He really should have known. They were never that lucky; they weren't lucky at all most of the time.

Dean already felt uneasy while walking through the old building all the signs had pointed at, which just worsened with every noise echoing from the shadows of the building.

It happened not long after he started ignoring some of the noises, most of them actually. One moment Dean was rolling his eyes at his brother bitching about the air or something stupid like that, and the next, he heard quick footsteps followed by a pained grunt coming from just behind him. Right where Sammy was.

He turned as soon as he heard it, his heart already speeding up and his eyes widening before he even saw the Vamp standing right behind his brother. The Vamp's arm was twisting and pressing against Sam's back. Panic engulfed him as horror dawned on his face when he realized what that meant and he felt the color drain from his face as he heard the desperate gasps pushing out of Sam.

Dean's stomach dropped and he froze just for a second, taking in the scene in front of him, taking in the way Sammy's face constricted, how the Vamp pushed his arm further against Sam's trembling body.

It felt like hours went by with Dean just watching Jake stab his brother, he didn't even know when Jake got here and the Vamp left. Jake shouldn't even be here but-

Dean stared right into Jake's eyes, his lungs feeling like they stopped working hours ago and his body tensed as he saw blood gushing out of Sammy's mouth.

Almost as if on autopilot Dean rushed forward and almost instinctively decapitated Jake before he threw the machete aside, cradling his brother's unresponsive body the moment his hands weren't occupied anymore.

His brother's eyes looked empty and Dean could feel himself shaking. His heartbeat seemingly sped up even further while he hugged Sam close to his chest, murmuring reassurances into his ear.

Dean's vision went blurry then, black spots forming at the edge of his vision making it even harder for him to see. His body continued to shake uncontrollably as he pressed his face into his brother's neck, rocking back and forth as hot tears streamed down his face.

He readjusted his grip a few times as it felt like someone was trying to move Sam away from him and he couldn't let that happen, he wouldn't. He already lost him once and now he couldn't even bring him back; his soul was already sold. He couldn't bring him back.

He could feel his heart racing even quicker at the thought, its thunderous beats echoing in his ears like a drumroll of impending doom making it impossible to hear anything else. Every breath he took felt shallow as if the air around him had turned to molasses.

His palms grew slick with sweat where he was still clinging to Sam's shirt and he could feel the cold beads of sweat trickling down his forehead as well, carrying with them an icy chill that seemed to seep into his very bones.

Dean's chest tightened as if a vice were squeezing the life out of him and each gasping breath felt like a desperate struggle against an invisible force, an enemy he couldn't see but could most certainly feel.

He continued rocking back and forth, the dead but surprisingly warm body of his brother still clasped tightly in his grip while his face was still buried in Sam's neck. He could feel the shirt underneath his face growing soggy with tears and sweat but he couldn't get himself to move away, to do anything at all.

Sobbs ripped out of his throat when Sam's body moved, someone trying to take him away from him once again, Dean knew, so he just tightened his grip until the movement finally stopped. He wouldn't let anyone take Sammy away.

He still couldn't hear anything but his heartbeat, couldn't see anything except the blurry outline of Jake's body. He thought the body looked different, not as bulky as it should nor as tall but he couldn't concentrate on that long enough to really care.

He didn't know how long he stayed there like that, how long he had his brother in his arms until his hearing started to clear and he could hear the faint whispers of his brother. He couldn't really make out the words just yet but he knew his brother was talking to him.

When he first realized where the voice was coming from he felt an immense wave of relief replace the dread still cursing through him because his brother was talking, he was breathing, he was alive.

More time went by before he finally understood what Sam was saying, finally heard his brother's voice.

"You're okay Dean, you're okay." Sam almost whispered into Dean's ear while he rubbed circles into his back and Dean couldn't help but let out a shuddering breath before he leaned back a little until he could look into his brother's eyes.

Sam looked worried but the thing Dean latched onto was the fact that his eyes weren't empty, they were full to the brim with worry and confusion but they weren't dead.

"You're- you're alive." Dean forced out, his voice still thick with sadness.

"Of course I am Dean, you brought me back remember?" Sam's voice was still soft, with no hint of the usual disdain these words held.

"I saw Jake-" Dean started before his eyes went to the stiff corpse lying behind his brother and his words died in his throat. Behind Sam lay the vamp they had tracked the last few days, no hint of Jake ever being close by anywhere to be found.

"Oh." He just mumbled, avoiding Sam's worried gaze for a second before he looked back at his brother, he just had to see his eyes, to make sure they were shining the same way they did a second ago.

Sam looked only mildly uncomfortable at the prolonged eye contact but he didn't say anything, didn't do anything to break it either.

They stayed like that for a long time, both silently taking the other person in, waiting for Dean's heartbeat to slow down and his breathing to get even. The only time Dean had to take his eyes off his brother was when they burned the body and when he drove them back to the motel they had been staying at.

But even on the drive and well into the next day one of his hands stayed on his brother, checking to see if his body was warm, if he was still alive like he should be.

#ao3 fanfic #ailesswhumptober2023 #fanfiction #supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester

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mlobsters · 7 months

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supernatural s9e21 king of the damned (w. eugenie ross-leming, brad buckner)

LOL cas you can let go now

dear lord i'm tired after just the recap. angels, metatron/gadreel, abaddon, crowley and his addiction, hellhounds, etc etc

angel handcuffed, slow clompy walk, "is that him??" cas appears. i giggled, not gonna lie

CASTIEL That brings me to why you're here. We have a prisoner. It's an angel from Metatron's inner circle. I need to know what they're planning, but so far, he's revealed nothing. DEAN So, you're done with the rough stuff, and you want us to be your goons? CASTIEL Well, you've had success at these situations before. If you don't want to do it, I understand. DEAN Who says I don't want to do it?

blegh. you know how i feel about the torture stuff, especially in relation to dean. and cas calling them in specifically just to torture information out of this angel. for a just cause though, of course, that makes it okay :|

truly enjoying sam's hair this season combined with very proportionately sized sideburns and now that we're finally less orange looking consistently. lookin good mister padalecki. dean looks like a slight wreck and like he's dissociating

wow show and boys, solving a problem without torture???? i am impressed! (seriously thank you eugenie and brad)

so much smiling and getting to put on this manipulative little show for the dude, fun to watch

cute cute (ignoring this whole abaddon bringing his son from the 1700s thing to force his hand is.... whatever this is)

GAVIN You sold your soul?! Sold it?! For an extra three inches of willy?!

did we know this? i feel like maybe but i can't remeber lol

so i wonder how much was shaved, he has enough hair i think he could have an undercut there and still have more than enough. wonder if that's part of why i like it so much more. i know i've seen him with it up in a bun a couple times so i could go see when that was but that's waaaay too much effort

oh, dean and his slice and dice mark of cain flashback. again, fic gave me the impression the mark was going to be central to goings on but there's just so many subplots nothing really is central

maybe they should just keep a couple pairs of nitrile gloves on hand so, for example, they don't have to raw dog rifling through a corpse. a very slimy corpse

okay so crowley used sam and dean's go word and dean isn't telling sam because? (because he's not making good decisions either) and being all shifty

CASTIEL Just as poor judgement undid you all those centuries ago, your mistaken trust in Metatron will bring you down again.

rich coming from you, cas 😂

okay weird fake solid blue birds. twitter product placement?? LOL

CROWLEY Hello, Dean. Love the crazy bloodlust in your eyes.

must be really smitten now. bye abaddon, you were moderately fun and very beautiful to look at

CROWLEY You owe me. Do I get no credit for warning you this was a trap? [SAM looks perplexed.] CROWLEY "Poughkeepsie" ring a bell? I sense drama.

his gleeful little laugh was cute

DEAN Well, I don't know what to tell you. Them's the rules. He goes back. SAM The lore all says the same thing -- you change any one thing in the past, the ripple effect impacts everything that follows. CROWLEY Please. No one bends the rules like you two bend the rules.

made me laugh, points being made!

CROWLEY I'll cheer the day when the last trace of humanity leaves me. Feelings.

relatable

DEAN First time I touched that Blade...I knew. I knew that I wouldn't be stopped. I knew I would take down Abaddon and anything else if I had to. And it wasn't a hero thing. You know, it wasn't... It was just calm. I knew. And I had to go it alone, Sammy. SAM Oh. Of course. So it was just another time where you had to protect me. DEAN You could've gotten nabbed by Abaddon, and she could've bargained her way out. We couldn't afford to screw this up.

okay but dean how about you have that conversation beforehand instead. asking for permission/begging for forgiveness

also can't remember sam turning in his seat like that before in one of these feelings-laden chats, really means business. so... effusive in his concern and everything lately

sam's soaking up all the empathy leaking out of dean

SAM Look...I'm glad it worked out, okay? I am. And I'm glad the Blade gives you strength or calm or whatever, but, Dean, I got to say... I'm starting to think the Blade is doing something else, too. DEAN Yeah? Like what? SAM I don't know. Like, something to you. Look... I'm thinking until we know for sure that we're gonna kill off Crowley, why don't we store the Blade somewhere distant? Lock it up somewhere safe? Okay? DEAN No.

well i'm glad we get to hear about the effects of the mark/blade combo finally. it's really been the backburner plotline. again i know what it leads to, but not how we get there

this episode made the angel politics about as tolerable/interesting as i think they can get, so woo for that (missing the days of cas popping in and getting irritated because he's in the middle of an offscreen war)

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 9x21 #eugenie ross leming #brad buckner

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