#ben solo x f!reader

[kowaiitenshii]

[Wish We Never Met]

Pairing: Kylo Ren x Reader 

Plot Summary: You haven’t seen Kylo Ren since he destroyed the Jedi academy you both called home in your youth, and you want nothing more than to forget about him. That doesn’t stop him from reaching out. 

Warnings: Kidnapping. Kylo is his own warning. Angst? 

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: Hello again everyone! This oneshot is the product of a betrayal prompt from a good friend of mine! If this does well and people enjoy it, I will be open to prompts and requests and if the demand is high enough, I may even write a part 2 for this. Thank you so much for all the love on Sunkiller Lullaby again as well!! Please enjoy! 

A perfectly clear night on Ossus, a rare meteor shower had been forecasted that night, and you didn’t dare to miss it.

You and your best friend, Ben Solo, had snuck out against your Master’s wishes to watch the shower together. 

It was once in a lifetime, after all. 

You couldn’t have thought of a better person to sneak out with, you’d known him since you were just ten years old; not that you had many other friends in the academy regardless. 

The two of you never quite fit in with the other padawan learners, having earned reputations for being too reckless, too quick to anger, too ready for a fight. But you found solace in one another, always sparring, studying, or shirking off your responsibilities to go on some ill-advised adventure together. 

As the two of you grew, as did your fondness for one another. Master Luke began separating you more and more, fearing that you would build ties too strong to sever. 

Attachment, of course, was strictly forbidden. 

But that did little to stop you from stealing away to see the person whom you were closest with in the entire world whenever you could.

The two of you laughed like the foolish teenagers you were as you ran through the lush green field littered with wildflowers together hand-in-hand, searching for the perfect spot to watch the show.

Cresting the top of the hill, Ben suddenly dropped  to the ground, pulling you along with him as you tumbled down through the long grass. As you came to a stop, landing on top of him at the bottom of the hill, you playfully punched him in the arm. 

“You really ought to be more careful Ben! We could have gotten hurt!” you scolded him, still laughing like mad. 

“You know I wouldn’t let that happen!” he reassures you, laughing back at you as you shift off of him and take a seat next to him in the tall grass. 

The two of you spent a long time in comfortable silence, watching the meteors shoot over your heads. It was an awe-inspiring sight, countless comets of every colour followed by their glowing tails lighting up the entire sky above. It truly was beautiful, and you were still unsure if you’ve seen such beauty since. 

You spent hours just watching, enchanted by the ethereal lightshow. 

That is, until you looked towards Ben, and instead of watching the beauty of the stars, he was watching you. 

Your breath caught in your throat, and your heart swelled in an unfamiliar way as you looked at him, realising in that moment that he had grown up, no longer the awkward, lanky boy you knew as a child. 

His eyes sparkled innocently in the dim light, reflecting the colours of the stars. His lips were pink and parted, as if to ask something that was caught just on the tip of his tongue. His long raven hair blew in the gentle breeze, tousled by your tumble down the hill. 

For a split second, you envisioned running your fingers carefully through his soft locks to fix it for him before forcing yourself to look away. 

Cheeks hot and heart thumping in your chest, you tried to remind yourself of the rules of the Jedi you so desperately tried to uphold. You knew attachment was wrong, and love could only serve to destroy you. And yet, the idea of a life lived without ever knowing love, that kind of love, left a hole in your heart that ached for it. 

Clenching your fists so tightly your nails dug into the palms of your hands and closing your eyes, you tried your hardest to push your feelings down, to bottle them up and seal them away. 

The gentle feeling of Ben carefully, almost sheepishly placing a large hand to your left cheek and turning you to face him snapped you out of your quiet rumination. The sensation of his touch was warm and tingling, spreading goosebumps across your skin like wildfire. 

Your eyes met again, Ben measuring your reaction, looking hesitantly from your eyes to your lips and back again, as if he too could sense what you were feeling. 

Given the tender, vulnerable expression that spread across his countenance, you knew that he could. The rough pad of his thumb ghosted over your cheekbone, your skin feeling electrified as he touched it, the energies between you rich and palpable. 

“(Y/N)...” He whispered your name like a prayer. 

Before he could speak again, you would take his face between your hands, crashing your lips into his in a moment of reckless abandon. 

They’re soft and wet, the feeling of the kiss itself and the mixing of energies setting you both on fire. 

You lose yourself in it, all teeth and tongue and burning desire, kissing him over and over again. 

Ben is just about to lay you down right there, in the soft grass beneath the stars, before you force yourself to pull away. Sitting up pin straight and wiping the spit away from your lips, you were too ashamed to even look back at him. 

The world goes black. 

The next scene that plays is the one that has torn you apart for years. 

Standing before the devastated Jedi academy you called home for nearly your entire life, you watched as it burned to ash. Tears flowed in rivers down your cheeks as you sobbed in agony of all that was lost, all because of the boy you loved. 

Falling to your knees, Ben’s name tore its way out of your throat in a grief-stricken scream.

Eyes flying open, you jolt upright in bed. 

You’re then hit by the same cold realisation that it was all a dream, as you are every time you have that dream. Although, you suppose it's more of a recollection than a dream. 

Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, you groan groggily as you spot the familiar silhouette of a man’s astral body across the room. 

“Ugh… Go away Kylo.” you moan, already becoming annoyed. 

Even if he wasn’t there physically, seeing him through the force hurt all the same. 

“You know I can’t, even if I wanted to.” he replies matter-of-factly, and you know it to be true. Whatever unseen force it is that binds you to each other, neither of you could control it. 

He haunts you like a ghost, torturing your very soul every time you would connect unannounced. His presence tonight is especially wounding, having been freshly reminded of the feelings you held for him despite everything. 

Throwing your covers off, you annoyedly begin to stoke the small fire pit in the centre of your hut, doing your best to ignore Kylo’s dark and magnetic presence looming in the shadows. 

“Where are you?” he asks abruptly, looking around the room and searching for any indicators of your location. 

You roll your eyes, finally looking in his face. His eyes are locked on you as he stands in the darkness of the room, the light of the flames illuminating his features. 

He’s every bit as handsome as you remember, all doe eyes and plump lips and strong nose. 

He’s gotten taller, and bulkier in terms of muscle than you remember, no doubt enhanced by his new training. Your heart strings tug painfully in your chest, and you remember why you avoid looking at him when this happens. 

“You know I can’t answer that.” you whisper solemnly in reply. 

“Why not?” he snaps back instantly.

“You know exactly why, Kylo Ren.” you sigh in irritation, spitting his name at him as if it tastes foul. You throw another log into the fire before standing and turning around, crossing your arms and doing your best to shut him out as your anger and frustrations build. 

“It would be so much easier if you would stop hiding, if you would just join me.” He continues, ignoring the vitriol in your tone and trying to coax the answer out of you. 

“I’m not hiding, Kylo. You just can’t find me. There’s a difference.” you scoff back at him, vaguely pleased when you hear him let out his own irritated sigh. 

You’ve been through this hundreds of times, your answers and his questions never changing. Everytime you speak to him, everytime you look at him, the void in your chest that calls to him grows wider. And with great pain every time, you deny him.

It’s torture, the purest form you could imagine. 

“You called to me. In your dream. I heard it.” he asserts in a gentler tone, as if it would change anything. You dig your nails into the skin of your arms in an attempt to temper the rage bubbling up inside of you. 

“I’m tired of fighting Kylo.” you sigh. “Can’t you see that? That’s why I’m here, in a hut in the fucking jungle.” you spit, an edge of hurt in your tone that you pray he doesn’t hear.

“Then why won’t you just come to me?” He tries desperately to persuade you. “I will take care of anything, everything you need. It could be so simple if you would just-” he starts on the same tirade that he starts every time you see each other. 

The fresh pain of the memories, the aching of your heart at seeing him, listening to the same argument; it’s finally all too much. The dam you’ve built to withhold your emotions finally breaks, your hurt finally overflowing as you spin on your heel to face him, screaming out the truth as you cut him off. 

“Because I love you, Ben! Because I love you, and you’ve destroyed everything else I’ve ever cared about! And I hate myself for it!” you bark at him through gritted teeth, hot tears welling up in your eyes and threatening to spill over.  

His brow furrows in frustration and shock as he yells back at you.

 “You know that isn’t the truth! I didn’t-” 

Clutching the sides of your head in frustration, you continue screaming, cutting him off once more. 

“Everyday I wake up and I’m forced back into the hell that is the realisation that this is my reality!” you gesture feverishly around the humble, run down hut in which you both stand, then between the two of you. “This is my reality, and I will never forgive you for it Ben.” your voice breaks, your anger spent and only leaving you with aching despair as the tears finally begin to fall. 

“I loved you, I really loved you.” you choke out between cries, the growing lump in your throat making it hard to speak. 

For once he’s silent, saying nothing as he looks upon you with widened eyes. 

He’s visibly taken aback, and the realisation finally hits you that you just admitted your love to him, and that you hadn’t called him by his name, his true name, since the incident that ripped you away from each other. 

He turns away from you, hiding the tears welling in his own eyes. 

“I don’t need your forgiveness.” he whispers, and you take one last look at him before he promptly vanishes. 

Left alone in the crippling emptiness of the hut you call home, you fall to your knees under the crippling weight of your sorrow, wracked with anguished sobs. 

Elsewhere in the galaxy, Kylo Ren wipes the stray tears from his face and steels his nerves, before throwing on his cloak and helmet. 

He could feel your presence even more acutely in the force now, the bond strengthened by your heated confession. It was certainly not one he had expected, but he had no doubt now that he would track you down.

All he would have to do is follow your signature. 

Your words were all the confirmation he needed as he stormed out of his personal quarters to gather a fleet, barking the orders to gather his knights at a commanding officer. 

If you refused to give yourself willingly to him, he would just have to take you. 

The next morning, you awaken suddenly to the sound of Stormtroopers blowing the door clean off of your hut. 

In an instant you leap to your feet, ready to defend yourself from any danger. Time moves in slow motion as you look out the door, the mass of troopers, fronted by the Knights of Ren  parting like the fabled red sea. 

Blood running cold, your heart drops to your feet as you lay eyes upon their leader who moves to the forefront, Kylo Ren.

You’re stricken with the awful, ice-cold revelation that he had used your bond in the force against you. 

It lead him right to you. 

Frantically turning to reach for a weapon, you’re cut short as a blaster hits you with a stun ray, rendering you unconscious. 

Your body falling to the floor with a soft thud, Kylo Ren strides over to where your body lay crumpled, just within the doorway, sighing regretfully. Crouching over you, he frowns as he softly brushes a lock of hair out of your face.

“It could have been so much easier.” he whispers like an apology, before carefully scooping you into his arms.

He takes a moment to look at you, admiring the beauty of his prize before carrying you onto his ship.

#ben solo x reader #ben solo x you #ben solo x y/n #ben solo x f!reader #kylo ren x y/n #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x female reader #kylo ren x f!reader #star wars x reader #star wars imagines #star wars imagine #kylo ren x you

[gloomwitchwrites]

Morning Peace

Ben Solo x Reader

Content & Trigger Warnings: hurt/comfort, fluff, domestic, cuddles, kisses, vaguely referenced Kylo Ren past, force sensitive reader, big spoon/little spoon

Word Count: 730

You give Ben comfort after a night terror.

ao3 // taglist // main masterlist // fluffuary 2024 masterlist

A shake.

A stretch of breath.

A sudden, sharp jolt.

“Ben?”

Twisting in the bedsheets, you reach out to find him in the dark. His answer is a pained whimper, more wounded animal than human sob. It’s heartbreaking, a cold wrench beneath your ribs.

Ben hasn’t had an episode in some weeks. He seemed to be getting better. But you always know what to do. It is embedded within you, but it all depends on what Ben is experiencing.

His upper body jerks suddenly, more of a thrash than a sudden burst of movement.

Space. This requires space.

Your hand hovers nearby but does not make contact. The signs to engage with him are not there, and you know from past experiences how volatile these episodes can be. The dark side still clings to him when it can, festering when his walls are down and he is unable to completely defend himself.

Letting it run its course is all you can do until he starts to calm. Only then can you truly lend your support. There have been one too many times in the past when you tried to console him while in the midst of his thrashing, and Ben lashed out without knowing he’d done so. You never told him about those times, because you know how’d awful he’d feel upon learning that he might have hurt you.

As the gnarled whimpering eases, and Ben’s body begins to soften, you gently rest your hand on his upper arm. Squeezing lightly is your way of silently telling him that you’re here with him. That everything is all right.

Ben’s breathing evens out, and you quietly turn over in the bed, lifting the sheets enough to curl up behind him. You mold your body to his, resting your forehead against his back, your arm draping over his side to slide upward and press against his chest.

Through the Force, you sense an overwhelming sense of calm radiating from Ben, a gentle river in a green forest. You tap into it, and by connecting with it, you connect with him. You hear his heartbeat and how it adapts to your own. The two becoming one.

Sleep comes quickly, and it isn’t until the gentle light of morning that you’re shifted around, strong arms wrapping around you to pull you in.

“Ben,” you giggle, as his lips find the underside of your jaw and travel down your neck. You playfully push at him even as Ben pushes you deeper into the bed, tangling the both of you further around the sheets.

When you manage to snag yourself from his grasp for a moment, you find him smiling, the stretch of his lips tugging toward his ears. He is so bright and handsome in the morning light that shines in from a crack in the curtains. Waves crashing against rock reach your ears, and you sigh heavily, matching his smile.

Ben’s gaze roams over your face as the tips of his fingers brush across the curve of your jaw. As he watches, his smile softens.

“I had another last night, didn’t I?” he asks softly, already knowing the answer.

“You did,” you reply.

Ben visibly swallows, licks his lips, the scar across his face stretching slightly with the movement. “I felt…you. Afterward. I don’t remember anything. Just—just you. And the peace.”

You snuggle in closer until your chin almost rests against his chest. “How do you feel now?”

Ben tips his head forward and places a chaste kiss to the top of your head. “Grateful,” he finally says.

“How so?”

Ben shifts his body back a bit so he can gaze at you from behind his dark lashes. “Without you, I’d simply be existing in a galaxy that doesn’t want me. But with you, I have someone.”

You shake your head. “There are people out there that still care about you, Ben.”

“No,” he says. “Not like you do.”

Ben’s dark locks fall around his face as he closes the distance. This kiss is not chaste. It is sweet and passionate and warms you everywhere. When he breaks away, you don’t want him to leave.

“I love you,” he whispers, before settling in the bed, drawing you to him.

You allow him this, pulling you in for a just a bit longer before the two of you have to answer the day.

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[juniperwoodwell]

Domesticated

Paring:Kylo Ren X F!Reader

Word count:2k

Warning(s):Soft!Kylo, Minor bullying, Fluff.

A/n: There will be a part two coming out soon.

Being the assistant to the newly appointed Supreme Leader had its perks; for instance, A higher security level and managing to have a higher level than Hux definitely did something to your ego. Larger living quarters and respect. Simple things that just made the position every bit more enjoyable. Well...That's what Y/n initially thought. She wasn't expecting to get stuck between Kylo Ren and General Hux's 'Issues' They hated each other. That was just plain as day.

"Well, if it isn't the secretary." A tall man with short brown hair walked over to Y/n as she headed to the cafeteria's assembly line of unidentifiable foods.

"Jack. Let's not do this today, please." The woman sighed as she grabbed a tray. "No, No, Let's. Y'know, everyone's wondering how you got that position. I mean, just a month ago, you were nothing but a mission report editor. What'd you have to do, huh?" The man mirrored her actions and leaned in towards her, his voice low. "Did you have to screw around with some superiors? I bet you did. I mean, come on. You were nothing, and now you're the Supreme Leader's pet." Y/'ns patience was growing very thin with this man; He was always like this. Jealousy seeped off him like a thick steam. "You know what, Jack, You can go fu-" "Miss Y/l/n, You're needed in the command center immediately." A Stormtrooper informed her, and she looked down at her tray of grey mush and then at the trooper. "Alright, Thank you." She dismissed the trooper and left her tray on the assembly line. "Yeah, that's right. Go find your master, pet." That bastard was getting on her last nerve, but she ignored him and left the cafeteria. If only she'd let her anger take over, that man would've been on the floor with a broken arm and a bleeding nose. But that was her old life; She'd done too much to get where she was to risk it all on that man.

"General." Y/n called out when she entered the command center; she'd seemed to of startled the ginger, but it was subtle. "Ah, Good. Punctual as always." He spoke, then cleared his throat as he turned to her; Hux was actually quite fond of the woman; she was resourceful, respectful, and almost always completed her work perfectly. He understood why Kylo Ren hired her.

"Do you have the information I requested yesterday?" He asked,

Y/n nodded and pulled up the files on her datapad. "Would you like me to send them to you, Sir?"

The General took the data pad from her and skimmed through the work. "Exceptional, Yes. As soon as possible."

"of course, sir." Hux handed her the data pad, and she quickly sent all the information to Hux's pad.

 "Thank you. You are dismissed." With that, the General turned and returned to his office, and Y/n headed back toward the cafeteria.

 The interaction lasted for almost the entirety of her scheduled lunch time, and when she returned to the cafeteria, it was empty; all the food was put away. A sigh escaped her lips. "Alright. I can wait for dinner, that's fine. I'll go do some of the reports I need to finish." She spoke softly to herself. She headed to her tiny office that was adjacent to Kylo's. It was one-thirty when she started on the reports, and when she looked up to take a break, it was already five o'clock. "Shoot! I'm going to miss dinner." She shot up out of her chair, fixed the mess of her desk, then left her office.

When she turned the corner, the supreme leader had turned the same; If it weren't for her quick reflexes, she'd be picking herself up off the floor. Quickly, she stepped out of his way, only to realize he had grabbed her arm.

 "Just the woman I was looking for." The distorted voice echoed off the walls. "My apologies, sir, but I was just heading to dinner." the grip on her arm was released, and Kylo stood in Infront of her.

"The cafeteria is in the opposite direction." He stated, watching as she looked around frantically. "Oh. You're right.." Y/n turned back to him, exhaustion lingering behind her irises.

 "Are you alright?" he asked, looking her up and down. "Um...Why do you ask?" She scratched the back of her neck nervously. "You're wearing two different shoes." The statement shocked the woman, and she looked down at her shoes; he was correct.

"Ah...That makes a lot more sense now."

 "What does?"

 "Well, I've been getting weird looks from everyone today, and I wasn't sure why. Even Hux was looking at me like I was sick or something."

A low distorted chuckle escaped the dark mask. "Go fix your shoes the come to my quarters." "But, Sir, I've already missed lunch. I'd rather not skip-" Kylo raised his hand to silence her.

"Do as you're told, Miss Y/l/n."

"Yes, Sir." She nodded and turned from him. Once she entered her quarters, she sighed, "Am I ever going to eat today?" She asked herself, then changed her shoes. Her room wasn't too far from Kylo's; he liked keeping her close in case he needed her. Three knocks on the large door, then it opened, but no one was on the other side. "Uh...Sir?" She called out, "I'm in the kitchen. Take the door on your left." Kylo's pleasantly low voice echoed through the hall.

 When Y/n walked through the door, the table was set, and two plates were laid on top. "Take a seat." The man instructed, and she did as she was told, "Oh wow...this smells amazing." She stated as Kylo sat down across from her. "Did you make this?" she asked, looking at Kylo.

"I did. You seem surprised by that."

"Uh...well, I just assumed you'd have a personal chef or something."

"I've got trust issues." he joked (partially). "But I prefer to cook my own food. I learned most of it from my mother, so...It should taste good." Y/n smiled sweetly at his small confession. "Well, I'm certain it will taste better than anything they serve in the cafeteria." Kylo nodded at her words, returning her smile

"Let's eat then, shall we?" so they did. There wasn't much conversation; they were exhausted from the day, but being in each other's presence seemed to bring a peaceful atmosphere.

"You did well, Sir," Y/n spoke up as she finished her plate and wiped her lips with a napkin. "Thank you. I'm glad you approve of my cooking." He chuckled, finishing off his plate. Y/n contemplated asking the question that'd been bothering her since she changed her shoes but decided against it. "What is it?" The man asked, his voice soft with curiosity. "I...No, It's nothing, Sir."

 "It's obviously something if you're blocking me out of your mind."

"Oh, am I? Sorry, I didn't realize."

 "It's fine. If you have something you want to say, then do so."

"Alright, I was just wondering why I'm here."

"You mean, why did I invite you to dinner with me?"

 Y/n nodded, staying silent "... the truth is, I'm not sure myself. When I saw how disorientated you'd been in that hallway. I just wanted to keep an eye on you, and when you said you skipped lunch, I felt like you needed a good meal for once. You deserve it for all the work you do." Y/n stared at him in shock.

Kylo Ren wasn't one to express his feelings like this. He was Mr. Dark and Scary. No...This...This was someone completely different. This was the man behind the mask, A completely (mostly) normal man with emotions and feelings. This was the first time Y/n had truly seen Him.

 "What..? Did I say something wrong? Is there something on my face?" He questioned, trying to figure out why she was staring at him. "I-I Um. N-No, Sir. You're fine. I mean, it's fine." Y/n stood up quickly and picked up her and Kylo's plates. "Allow me to wash these since you made such a fantastic dinner; it's the least I could do to repay you."

"Y/n-" Kylo called out to her, but she ignored him as she walked over to the sink.

"Y/n." He called again as he stood from his chair, following after her. He grasped her by her elbow and turned her to face him. "Breathe. You're panicking."

"I know." She breathed out, placed the plates on the counter, and rubbed her hands over her face. "Sorry, sir."

 "Don't be. You've been going through a lot of changes this week. I understand you must be stressed. Why don't you sit back down?" He guided her to the table, and she returned to her seat. She sighed heavily as Kylo refilled her glass with water. "Drink this." He ordered, and she obeyed. "I didn't mean to get all...Frantic. But you're right; My life has changed a lot this week...month even." Kylo nodded and returned to his seat. "Well, tell me what's been bothering you today. Maybe I could do something to help relieve some stress as you've done for me." He offered, "Yeah...Uh. Well, there's apparently this rumor that's been going around since my promotion."

"Ah, I didn't think you were the type to be affected by rumors."

"I'm usually not. This doesn't just affect me, but...." She paused to clear her throat and sip her water. "But, It could also possibly affect you."

 "Me?" He asked, surprise written on his features, "Yes... People are saying that I got promoted only because I've been sleeping with my superiors. Which, in my opinion, is outrageous. Some of these people were my friends and collogues. There's this one guy who hasn't stopped bugging me since the promotion. I came very close to beating him up." Kylo huffed a laugh. "I would've liked to have seen that." Y/n smiled sheepishly. "What did he say that made you angry enough to want to hurt him?"

 "Well...for one, his face just annoys me beyond all reason, but secondly...He called me your... Pet." A rose tint crept up Y/n's face as she spoke. "Pet?" Kylo leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yes, Sir." She paused, poor choice of words, when her eyes met his; he was amused by her response but cleared his throat. "Continue."

 "Y-yes. Right. Well. I feel it's unfair to you, Sir. My reputation doesn't mean all that much to me, But yours does, and I don't want to be the reason it gets tarnished."

"Y/n...You don't need to worry about that. They're just rumors they will be stopped; if anyone chooses to act on them."

"But- I just...What if, because of this rumor, people will think that you're abusing your power for personal pleasure? That could cause conflict between you and everyone working for you."

 "It won't."

 "How can you be so sure?"

"Because. Think of who I am. You know my reputation isn't just for show. If anyone dares to continue this rumor, they will have to deal with me. And you should be worried about yourself. What would happen if people started believing you got your position from inappropriate means? The respect those people have for you would be gone. Your work will never be trusted again. You'd be nothing, just like you were when I found you. You'd go back to sleeping on that small cot with no one to care for you. You'd be less than scum in their eyes." His words were harsh but true, and they frightened her. Y/n swallowed hard; her skin crawled with goosebumps. She realized that she had more to lose than anyone else. Especially him.

 "Yes. You do. But I gave you those opportunities and this new position, and I won't allow you to overthink something that I will never let happen." He reassured her as he reached over the table to take her glass out of her hand, afraid she'd crush it. "Why don't I walk you to your room?" He asked as he stood, but y/n was silent. She was not meeting his eyes. He walked over and crouched beside her chair. Placing a hand on her knee

 "Y/n." His voice pulled her out of her thoughts. "Hmm? What did you say, Sir?" Kylo sighed, "I'd like you to stay in my guest for the night" Maybe it wasn't the best idea to leave her alone in the state she was in. he thought to himself as he watched her face change color. "B-but wouldn't that only make the rumor worse?" She stuttered out. He shook his head. "No one knows you're here, Plus. I'd rather not have you stay alone tonight."

"And why's that, sir?" Kylo raised a brow in suspicion. Did she not realize she was shivering? "Y/n, look at your hands." She did as she was told, "Oh. I'm scared. Ha. That's new." She looked at him, tears welling in her eyes. "I don't want any of that to happen, Sir..." He gently took her hand in his much larger one. "It won't. Trust me as you have before. I won't let you down." Y/n stared at the contrast of their hands; she stayed silent for a while. Tracing the top of his hand with her free one, absentmindedly, "Okay..." She spoke softly, a smile spreading across her delicate features. "So. If you'd like to change, a pair of sleepwear should be on the dresser. Then we could do some paperwork if that'd help settle your nerves. If not that we could do anything you'd like." He offered as he stood, pulling her gently from her seat and guiding her to the guest room. "Could we read something?" She asked when they reached the door; Kylo nodded as he opened it and turned on the light. "I'll be out here when you're done." He informed then closed the door behind her.

The room was similar to her own but a bit bigger. There was a queen-sized bed in the middle and a bathroom on the left. Just like he said, there were two pairs of sleepwear, one for males and another for females. Y/n thought the woman's sleepwear shirt was too formfitting to be comfortable in, so she wore the male shirt with the female leggings. She neatly folded her clothes and placed them on top of the dresser. When she was finished, she walked back out of the room; the lights had been dimmed to a comfortable level that didn't strain the eyes. She hadn't looked around when she first came in. It wasn't just a kitchen; it had a decent-sized dining table, and off towards the side was a couch facing a massive transparasteel window. Had that been there the whole time? She thought to herself; she noticed the familiar figure sitting on the couch.

"May I join you?" she asked when she approached the small lounge. "Of course, Make yourself comfortable," Kylo gave her a faint smile as he observed her; he noticed her choice of clothing and chuckled. "Is something funny, sir?" she asked as she sat on the couch. "No, It's nothing. You said you wanted to read something. What were you thinking?" She was curious but let it go. "Something that'll put me to sleep."

"Ah, so...Paperwork. I bet you'd be asleep in minutes if I read that aloud to you."

"You would be correct, sir." Kylo hummed as he picked up his datapad lying on the coffee table. "You don't need to be so formal when we're alone, Y/n."

 "but it's disrespectful-"

 "Screw Respect. We're both adults; We're both just people right now. So you can call me Kylo."

"Okay...Kylo." Y/n smiled tiredly.

His name on her lips was heavenly. He wished he could hear it forever.

#writing #writers on tumblr #fanfic #reader insert #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x f! reader #kylo x reader #kylo ren x you #kylo ren #star wars #star wars fanfiction #ben solo

[xxshadowbabexx]

Bad Decisions

warnings: infidelity (on readers end), f!reader, cowgirl pos, breast-sucking, praise, degradation, improper use of the force, cunnilingus, doggy pos, face fucking, emotions, voyeurism, implications of aftercare

You loved Kylo, you really did, but all thoughts of him were wiped from your mind as you bounced on Armitage’s cock. 

You moaned as he sucked your breast into his mouth from where he lie beautifully beneath you. His grip on your hips was devastating. Not painful, no, but full of longing. 

His hands didn’t try to force your pace or change your rhythm, they were simply there to hold you, showing that he wanted this just as badly. 

And oh maker did it feel good to be wanted. Kylo wasn’t ever there, and you couldn’t even remember the last time you’d been intimate with him. So now having your walls stretched and fluttering after so long without touch, well it was simply to die for. 

You sighed satisfactorily as his fingers kneaded your hips and he pressed gentle kisses to your chest. Moving to grind down on him before bouncing slowly on him, you were rewarded with a beautiful moan that sounded downright sinful. 

Your hands cascaded down his chest, tracing the freckles that decorated his pale torso. Leaning down, you sucked a hickey into his neck, low enough so his clothing would cover it. 

You were nearing your orgasm, whimpering as your lips danced together. You moved your hand down to circle your clit just right as you came, letting him swallow your moans with greed. 

Your thighs tightened around his waist as you came, moaning his name into his mouth, and vision blurring white. 

You weren’t sure if this was heaven, a white woman's instagram, or what, but it was absolutely perfect. 

You moaned as he continued thrusting up into your overstimulated pussy, eyes closed in bliss. You laid down on his chest and let him take the lead in your gentle love-making. 

The fuzzy feeling was beginning to grow again in your belly when a deep voice interrupted your peace. 

“What do you two think you’re doing?”

Both of you froze as the voice rang out, a cold chill uncomfortably caressing your naked bodies. 

You turned to face your boyfriend, fear tingling your spine as you felt the force of his pure, unbridled fury. 

Armitage, instead of trying to cover you both up like you had expected, he sat up instead to wrap his arms around your waist. Pulling you into him, he spoke with a possessive lit to his voice. 

“It seems you can’t have everything, Ren. That includes this,”

You were too unsure of yourself, too busy mentally navigating the unfamiliar situation you currently found yourself in to notice how Armitage seemed to objectify you. 

“But that’s where you’re wrong, Armitage. I can have everything, and that includes you if I so wish,”

You felt Armitage tense behind you as you both processes Kylo’s words. What did he mean exactly? You weren’t sure. 

“Ky-“ you started, hoping to help defuse the situation, only for him to cut you off before more than a single syllable could leave your lush lips.

“No. If you think you can just fuck men you know I despise like some common whore when I’m not around, then clearly I haven’t taught you right. Now, on your knees in front of me,”

Well, he didn’t have to ask twice because instantly you were scrambling to obey your boyfriends commands, wincing slightly as Armitage’s cock slid out of your pussy. 

You sat eagerly on your knees in front of him, ready for whatever Kylo had in store, knowing full well he would never hurt you. (Unless the little masochist in you asked him to of course).

You felt the force slide over your limbs and press your jaw open as Kylo freed his cock from the confines of his pants. 

Eager, his cock sprung to attention, and he began sliding it down your throat. You gagged at the depths he reached, choking slightly. 

His dick wasn’t necessarily bigger than Armitage’s, a little shorter but definitely thicker. 

Your throat burned as its walls stretched to encompass him. You took pride in knowing it was you he was using to get off as he pulled his cock out before pushing back in. He was building a slow and steady rhythm as his hand cradled your head as if you were the most fragile thing he’d ever seen. 

But what really got you going? Oh that was how Armitage could see you on your knees for Kylo. You never thought you would like being watched like this, but you did. Something about the tense atmosphere that you knew was created by two of the most powerful men in the galaxy both wanting you. It was hot, and you could feel yourself dripping down your thighs. 

You whimpered as Kylo pulled out of your throat, only realizing that you had been crying when he bent down to wipe your tears. His gloved thumb was soft on your skin and you leaned towards the touch, the look in his eyes something akin to love, but even in your lustful state you could see the sadness in his gaze. He leaned forward to kiss your forehead before pulling back. 

“Bend over on the bed for me, love,”

Love. The word swirled in your head as you moved to the bed. He called you love, so maybe you didn’t ruin things between you two. Maybe once this was all over you could work it out. 

But you didn’t have time to think it out, not when you were bent over on the bed with Kylo Ren’s dick spreading apart your folds and sliding into you. You whimpered out a pathetic attempt at a moan as he grazed that special spot inside of you. 

Pulling back, he pushed back inside you, slowly increasing his pace until his hips only left yours for a mere second before slamming back inside you brutally. 

Your back arched in pleasure as you moaned out his name. He always knew how to get you to the edge and pleasure you to insanity. Kylo Ren was an immaculate lover, when he was around that it. 

His hand snaked to press the small of your back, therefore arching it more. “Look at this pretty little arch. All for me, hm?” he questioned and you nodded. As his cock bullied in and out of your needy cunt you found yourself struggling to justify cheating on Kylo in the first place. Armitage could never please you like this. 

Hearing your thoughts, Kylo chuckled darkly. “If only you knew what she was thinking. Seems you can’t keep up with me in any aspect Armitage. Not with the first order, and not in the bedroom.”

Your pussy clenched and Armitage grumbled, he was rather unhappy with the turn of events, but still found himself hard as he could possibly be. 

You see, Armitage had a bit of a thing for watching, as well as humiliation. Not that he’d ever admit it of course. 

Furthermore, part of him liked seeing Ren so angry over him. He basked in the confirmation that he infuriated Ren just as much as Ren infuriated him. 

The room was full of noise, filled with your moans and wanton cries for more, as well as the wet slap of Kylo’s hips smacking the swell of your ass. 

It hurt in a way you loved so much as you could feel him shattering you into pieces as you cried out in a toe-curling orgasm. Your vision went white as your hearing faded out in crashing waves. It was sensory overload and it was bliss. 

The hitting turned into a pounding as Kylo increased his pace, spurred on by your mind-breaking orgasm as you squirted around his cock. The surplus of your slick made it easier for him to slide in and out of you with such precision it would leave anyone feeling dizzy. 

He didn’t stop his bruising pace until he was spilling- overflowing white hot cum into you. Slowly, he pulled out and turned towards Armitage. 

“Armitage, you are going to walk here and eat her out, understand?” he asked and Armitage nodded, all too eager to touch you again. 

Armitage wasn’t sure what type of cruel power play this was as he let himself be suffocated by your thighs. It was sickening, eating Ren’s cum out of you. A hateful reminder of where your loyalties lie. But the sweetness of your slick mixed with him cum just enough for Armitage to ignore the taste of Ren and focus on pleasing you. 

You tasted sweet like honeydew and he loved the taste. He craved it, insatiable. Armitage wanted to be in you- his cock, fingers or tongue- at all times of the day. He could live and revel in the beauty of you, but no. 

You were Ren’s girl. But maybe in fleeting and spared moments he could still get a taste. And that’s what keeps him going. 

He ate you out like a man starved, entirely ravenous and unashamed. Your thighs clenched around his head with the grip of a stubborn man to his vices. 

His tongue lapped at your clit with overwhelming vigor, drawing you nearer and nearer towards the edge, but you couldn’t cum. Wouldn’t. Not when Kylo was watching, stroking his cock. No, as good as Armitage felt you only wanted to cum for one man. Yours. 

A devious smirk pulled at Kylo’s lips as he got up and waked towards you. He pulled Armitage off of you, confusing him immensely, and taking his spot in between your legs. 

“You wanna cum for me, good girl,” he whispered against your pussy, eyes staring into yours with each syllable. You nodded, pathetic and needy as he licked the first stripe through your folds. 

Your head was thrown back as you gasped with each swipe, nearing the edge in a way only he would allow. The aching feeling in your cunt combined with the adoration you felt for him was enough to bring tears to your eyes, and it did. 

you wept as you came, his name consuming your every thought. 

Kylo. 

Kylo. 

Kylo. 

You didn’t even realize you’d been screaming until you felt him smile against you as he kept sucking your clit. 

He was everything and you couldn’t handle it as you shook with your orgasm, so intense it was almost painful. 

And to think Hux was there to watch it all. 

Disgusted, and more jealous than he would admit, Hux gathered his clothes and dressed himself before exiting the room, but you didn’t notice. 

You were too busy weeping from the sheer intensity of the night as Kylo kissed your tears away. He was such a fantastic lover, and every fiber of you prayed you two could work through your infidelity. 

© xxshadowbabexx 2024. please do not steal, copy, plagiarize, translate, or repost any of my works without my permission. do not steal any elements of my theme without permission.

#kylo ren #kylo x reader #ben solo #star wars #kylo ren smut #star wars smut #f!reader #tw cheating

[a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all]

You Have to Wake Up

Fandom: Star Wars, Kylo Ren, f!reader

Word Count: 1888

TW: Angst, Heartbreak, Torture (mentioned), Mind Break, Betrayal, Lies

Notes: Thanks to the anon who requested "Wake up. You have to wake up. Please. For me." with Kylo Ren. 🥰

Kylo Ren prowled through the halls of the Star Destroyer looking for something to take his anger out on. Once again, he had learned that Hux had been called for an audience with Supreme Leader Snoke without him. Kylo could not understand why the Supreme Leader still tolerated that useless coward. He was the one following in his grandfather’s legacy to become the greatest Sith Lord who ever lived. He was the one who had fought and won countless battles against the Resistance. He was the one who had proven his loyalty over and over again when faced with the temptation of the light, of his family. Yet, he was still overlooked in favor of this spineless worm who was constantly conspiring to one day overthrow and replace Snoke as Supreme Leader. It wasn’t fair. And maybe it was time he did something about it.

Changing directions, he headed to the interrogation room he knew they were currently closed off in. But just as he approached to demand an audience, the door slid open and two Stormtroopers exited, dragging a limp body of a woman between them. Though her head was hanging low, obscuring her face, a shiver ran through Kylo’s body as a sense of familiarity gripped his chest. But it couldn’t be….

Just then, Hux exited the room, almost slamming into Kylo in the process. But before the general could make his usual snarky comment, Kylo demanded. “That girl. Who is she?”

Hux scoffed dismissively. “Just some Resistance scum we captured last night. We have been interrogating her for hours but somehow, she has managed to withstand our methods. Even the Supreme Leader’s. But we knew she would be a difficult one to break. She took out over half of our squadron single-handedly before she was apprehended.”

“How?”

“By using this.” Hux pulled out something from his pocket and Kylo recognized it immediately. He had been there when you crafted it.

When he held out his hand, Hux placed the lightsaber in his palm. Instantly, Kylo felt your presence in the weapon. Unlike guns or regular swords, lightsabers were a wholly personal tool which were crafted by each individual user and captured a small piece of their essence, their energy. And it was a presence he had not felt in a long time but one which immediately sent his heart racing in his chest. There was no denying who the prisoner was.

Luckily, Kylo was still wearing his mask so Hux was unable to see the fear that had suddenly flashed across his face. Clearing his throat to steady his voice, Kylo said, “I will see if maybe I can get her to talk.”

“I wouldn’t bother,” Hux said as he started to walk away. “If the Supreme Leader couldn’t break her, what chance do you have? Besides, she has fallen into some sort of trance or unconsciousness so I doubt you could get anything anyway.”

Kylo quickly hurried down the hall in the direction he saw the troopers taking you. Just as he rounded the corner, he saw the two exiting a room to his right. As soon as they had left the area, Kylo quickly slipped into the room.

You were laying on the bed seemingly asleep, but he could see bruises and trails of blood littering your body from whatever methods Snoke had used to get you to talk. Your breathing was shallow and uneven, yet your expression was tranquil in your slumber. Slowly, he approached the bed and sat down next to you. Removing his helmet, he rested it on the floor. It was the first time he had removed it in the presence of another in a long time, but he needed to see you with his own eyes. Let you hear his voice clear and unmodulated.

He ran his fingers lightly over your cheek. “Hello. It’s been a long time but you look just as beautiful as the day we parted. I think of you… often. When I made the choice to follow this path, you were the only person I truly regretted leaving behind. I dreamt of finding you, of bringing you with me. But we both know you would never turn your back on the ways of the Jedi, pompous fools though they might have been. Yet, I wish things could have been different.” He waited, hoping for any kind of reaction, but you didn’t as much as stir.

Sighing, he took your hand as he whispered, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything that I put you through. I’m sorry that you ended up here. And I know whatever they did to you must have been horrific, and I know I have no right to ask this of you, but I need you to wake up. Wake up. You have to wake up. Please. For me.”

For a moment, nothing happened. But then, ever so slowly, your eyelashes began to flutter and he watched your eyes come into focus. On him. “Ben…” A shiver ran down his spine as you breathed his old name. The one he had tried so hard to leave behind but the one that sounded like home on your lips.

Your eyes scanned his face, soaking in every detail, every feature, as you gazed at him in wonder. “Wha- I thought you were dead. How are you here? Have you been here this whole time? I’m so sorry! If I would have known, I would have done everything in my power to bring you home. Ben, I-”

“Shhh. It’s alright. Just rest. You’ve been through a lot.” Kylo gently ran his hand over your hair soothingly.

You leaned into his hand as you continued to stare up at him in wonder. “He told me I was the only one to make it out that night. I thought….”

“He who?”

“Luke. When Ren and his Knights attacked the temple, I was badly wounded but for some reason, they kept me alive. Luke found me soon after they left, and he brought me to safety. It took me a while to recover, but when I did, I looked for you. Luke said you were gone, but I refused to believe it. Even though I couldn’t feel you through the Force- Wait…. Why can’t I feel you? Even right now with you sitting beside me, it’s like you’re not there. Are you blocking me? But why-” Suddenly, your gaze landed on something next to him and your eyes grew wide. Following your gaze, Kylo saw his helmet sitting on the floor. His eyes snapped back to yours and he was met with a different form of disbelief.

“No…. Ben…. It can’t be…” But as much as he tried to hide the guilt and shame on his face, he realized the second you looked back at him you knew. He watched the wave of horror roll across your features and the tears spring to your eyes. “What have you done?”

But before he could explain, the door to the room slid open and Hux stalked in, flanked by four troopers. Silently, the troopers grabbed you and began hauling you out of the room. You didn’t resist, you just kept your eyes trained on Kylo for as long as you were able, the look of betrayal and heartbreak still etched on your face.

The second you were out of sight, Kylo whirled to face Hux. “Where are you taking her?”

The other man sneered gleefully at Kylo’s distress. “The Supreme Leader was able to sense she had a connection with you from before. So, when she couldn’t be broken, he assumed finding out about your treachery would be the last straw he could use to finally break her. I guess we shall see shortly.” He turned to walk away but paused to say, “The Supreme Leader ordered you not to interfere. You may wait outside but you are not allowed in the interrogation room until we are done.” And with those final words, he left.

The next few hours were agony as Kylo was forced to wait to discover your fate. As he paced frantically outside the door of the interrogation room, he could hear your screams of anguish from inside but there was nothing he could do. Eventually, the sounds dimmed and gradually fell silent altogether and he realized how much worse silence could truly be.

Finally, the door opened and Hux emerged. Before he had taken more than a few steps out of the room, Kylo was at his side. “What happened!”

Hux smirked gleefully. “Even with your betrayal weakening her defenses, she held out longer than expected. But in the end, we got the information we were after though it took destroying her mind to do so.” Kylo felt all the blood drain from his face and Hux’s smirk grew bigger. “The Supreme Leader wants you to go retrieve the map as soon as the ships can be readied. It is on Jakku in the possession of an old acquaintance of yours. A man by the name of San Tekka.”

Kylo immediately remembered the man from his childhood. He was a friend and ally of his mother’s and somehow it didn’t surprise him that the map ended up in his possession. He nodded. “I understand. I will leave within the hour.”

Giving him one final sneer, Hux pushed past Kylo and retreated down the hall. As soon as he was alone, Kylo rushed to your side. You were still strapped to the interrogation table with your head lolled to the side. As he got closer, he could see your lips moving as if muttering something, but you weren’t making a sound. Your eyelids were half-closed but from what he could see, your eyes were glassy and vacant as they stared into nothingness. For the first time in years, Kylo Ren lowered his mental blocks and reached out to you through the Force. But the second his mind brushed against yours, he reeled back in horror. Hux was right. Whatever Snoke had done to you had utterly shattered your mind. All he could sense of the woman he loved were sharp shards and jagged slivers of your mind, barely recognizable as your own.

He turned his back to you, unable to bear seeing what you had been reduced to, what he had allowed to happen to you. You were gone and it was all his fault.

“It’s okay…..” Kylo whirled around at the sound of your voice, utterly amazed you had managed to say anything in your state. Yet your eyes were fully open and, though still unfocused, they held just the smallest spark of life. Maybe there was a chance you could heal. Maybe your connection to the Force was allowing you- “…. Ben will save me. He always saves me.”

Whatever hope he had for you evaporated as your words pierced his heart, sending a fresh wave of pain and regret through him. As he watched, the light in your eyes dimmed once more and your lips returned to their incessant, wordless movements.

Sadly, Kylo Ren bent down and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead but you made no indication you had felt it. Then he turned and hurried from the room, leaving behind the shell of the woman he loved even now.

#sfw repost #fic #may the 4th #may the 4th be with you #star wars #kylo ren #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x f!reader #ben solo #ben solo x reader #adam driver #armitage hux #may the fourth #may the fourth be with you #request #angst #heartbreak tw #torture tw #mind break tw #betrayal tw #lies tw

[a-reader-and-a-writer]

You Have to Wake Up

Fandom: Star Wars, Kylo Ren, f!reader

Word Count: 1888

TW: Angst, Heartbreak, Torture (mentioned), Mind Break, Betrayal, Lies

Kylo Ren prowled through the halls of the Star Destroyer looking for something to take his anger out on. Once again, he had learned that Hux had been called for an audience with Supreme Leader Snoke without him. Kylo could not understand why the Supreme Leader still tolerated that useless coward. He was the one following in his grandfather’s legacy to become the greatest Sith Lord who ever lived. He was the one who had fought and won countless battles against the Resistance. He was the one who had proven his loyalty over and over again when faced with the temptation of the light, of his family. Yet, he was still overlooked in favor of this spineless worm who was constantly conspiring to one day overthrow and replace Snoke as Supreme Leader. It wasn’t fair. And maybe it was time he did something about it.

Changing directions, he headed to the interrogation room he knew they were currently closed off in. But just as he approached to demand an audience, the door slid open and two Stormtroopers exited, dragging a limp body of a woman between them. Though her head was hanging low, obscuring her face, a shiver ran through Kylo’s body as a sense of familiarity gripped his chest. But it couldn’t be….

Just then, Hux exited the room, almost slamming into Kylo in the process. But before the general could make his usual snarky comment, Kylo demanded. “That girl. Who is she?”

Hux scoffed dismissively. “Just some Resistance scum we captured last night. We have been interrogating her for hours but somehow, she has managed to withstand our methods. Even the Supreme Leader’s. But we knew she would be a difficult one to break. She took out over half of our squadron single-handedly before she was apprehended.”

“How?”

“By using this.” Hux pulled out something from his pocket and Kylo recognized it immediately. He had been there when you crafted it.

When he held out his hand, Hux placed the lightsaber in his palm. Instantly, Kylo felt your presence in the weapon. Unlike guns or regular swords, lightsabers were a wholly personal tool which were crafted by each individual user and captured a small piece of their essence, their energy. And it was a presence he had not felt in a long time but one which immediately sent his heart racing in his chest. There was no denying who the prisoner was.

Luckily, Kylo was still wearing his mask so Hux was unable to see the fear that had suddenly flashed across his face. Clearing his throat to steady his voice, Kylo said, “I will see if maybe I can get her to talk.”

“I wouldn’t bother,” Hux said as he started to walk away. “If the Supreme Leader couldn’t break her, what chance do you have? Besides, she has fallen into some sort of trance or unconsciousness so I doubt you could get anything anyway.”

Kylo quickly hurried down the hall in the direction he saw the troopers taking you. Just as he rounded the corner, he saw the two exiting a room to his right. As soon as they had left the area, Kylo quickly slipped into the room.

You were laying on the bed seemingly asleep, but he could see bruises and trails of blood littering your body from whatever methods Snoke had used to get you to talk. Your breathing was shallow and uneven, yet your expression was tranquil in your slumber. Slowly, he approached the bed and sat down next to you. Removing his helmet, he rested it on the floor. It was the first time he had removed it in the presence of another in a long time, but he needed to see you with his own eyes. Let you hear his voice clear and unmodulated.

He ran his fingers lightly over your cheek. “Hello. It’s been a long time but you look just as beautiful as the day we parted. I think of you… often. When I made the choice to follow this path, you were the only person I truly regretted leaving behind. I dreamt of finding you, of bringing you with me. But we both know you would never turn your back on the ways of the Jedi, pompous fools though they might have been. Yet, I wish things could have been different.” He waited, hoping for any kind of reaction, but you didn’t as much as stir.

Sighing, he took your hand as he whispered, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything that I put you through. I’m sorry that you ended up here. And I know whatever they did to you must have been horrific, and I know I have no right to ask this of you, but I need you to wake up. Wake up. You have to wake up. Please. For me.”

For a moment, nothing happened. But then, ever so slowly, your eyelashes began to flutter and he watched your eyes come into focus. On him. “Ben…” A shiver ran down his spine as you breathed his old name. The one he had tried so hard to leave behind but the one that sounded like home on your lips.

Your eyes scanned his face, soaking in every detail, every feature, as you gazed at him in wonder. “Wha- I thought you were dead. How are you here? Have you been here this whole time? I’m so sorry! If I would have known, I would have done everything in my power to bring you home. Ben, I-”

“Shhh. It’s alright. Just rest. You’ve been through a lot.” Kylo gently ran his hand over your hair soothingly.

You leaned into his hand as you continued to stare up at him in wonder. “He told me I was the only one to make it out that night. I thought….”

“He who?”

“Luke. When Ren and his Knights attacked the temple, I was badly wounded but for some reason, they kept me alive. Luke found me soon after they left, and he brought me to safety. It took me a while to recover, but when I did, I looked for you. Luke said you were gone, but I refused to believe it. Even though I couldn’t feel you through the Force- Wait…. Why can’t I feel you? Even right now with you sitting beside me, it’s like you’re not there. Are you blocking me? But why-” Suddenly, your gaze landed on something next to him and your eyes grew wide. Following your gaze, Kylo saw his helmet sitting on the floor. His eyes snapped back to yours and he was met with a different form of disbelief.

“No…. Ben…. It can’t be…” But as much as he tried to hide the guilt and shame on his face, he realized the second you looked back at him you knew. He watched the wave of horror roll across your features and the tears spring to your eyes. “What have you done?”

But before he could explain, the door to the room slid open and Hux stalked in, flanked by four troopers. Silently, the troopers grabbed you and began hauling you out of the room. You didn’t resist, you just kept your eyes trained on Kylo for as long as you were able, the look of betrayal and heartbreak still etched on your face.

The second you were out of sight, Kylo whirled to face Hux. “Where are you taking her?”

The other man sneered gleefully at Kylo’s distress. “The Supreme Leader was able to sense she had a connection with you from before. So, when she couldn’t be broken, he assumed finding out about your treachery would be the last straw he could use to finally break her. I guess we shall see shortly.” He turned to walk away but paused to say, “The Supreme Leader ordered you not to interfere. You may wait outside but you are not allowed in the interrogation room until we are done.” And with those final words, he left.

The next few hours were agony as Kylo was forced to wait to discover your fate. As he paced frantically outside the door of the interrogation room, he could hear your screams of anguish from inside but there was nothing he could do. Eventually, the sounds dimmed and gradually fell silent altogether and he realized how much worse silence could truly be.

Finally, the door opened and Hux emerged. Before he had taken more than a few steps out of the room, Kylo was at his side. “What happened!”

Hux smirked gleefully. “Even with your betrayal weakening her defenses, she held out longer than expected. But in the end, we got the information we were after though it took destroying her mind to do so.” Kylo felt all the blood drain from his face and Hux’s smirk grew bigger. “The Supreme Leader wants you to go retrieve the map as soon as the ships can be readied. It is on Jakku in the possession of an old acquaintance of yours. A man by the name of San Tekka.”

Kylo immediately remembered the man from his childhood. He was a friend and ally of his mother’s and somehow it didn’t surprise him that the map ended up in his possession. He nodded. “I understand. I will leave within the hour.”

Giving him one final sneer, Hux pushed past Kylo and retreated down the hall. As soon as he was alone, Kylo rushed to your side. You were still strapped to the interrogation table with your head lolled to the side. As he got closer, he could see your lips moving as if muttering something, but you weren’t making a sound. Your eyelids were half-closed but from what he could see, your eyes were glassy and vacant as they stared into nothingness. For the first time in years, Kylo Ren lowered his mental blocks and reached out to you through the Force. But the second his mind brushed against yours, he reeled back in horror. Hux was right. Whatever Snoke had done to you had utterly shattered your mind. All he could sense of the woman he loved were sharp shards and jagged slivers of your mind, barely recognizable as your own.

He turned his back to you, unable to bear seeing what you had been reduced to, what he had allowed to happen to you. You were gone and it was all his fault.

“It’s okay…..” Kylo whirled around at the sound of your voice, utterly amazed you had managed to say anything in your state. Yet your eyes were fully open and, though still unfocused, they held just the smallest spark of life. Maybe there was a chance you could heal. Maybe your connection to the Force was allowing you- “…. Ben will save me. He always saves me.”

Whatever hope he had for you evaporated as your words pierced his heart, sending a fresh wave of pain and regret through him. As he watched, the light in your eyes dimmed once more and your lips returned to their incessant, wordless movements.

Sadly, Kylo Ren bent down and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead but you made no indication you had felt it. Then he turned and hurried from the room, leaving behind the shell of the woman he loved even now.

#fic #may the 4th #may the 4th be with you #star wars #kylo ren #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x f!reader #ben solo #ben solo x reader #adam driver #armitage hux #may the fourth #may the fourth be with you #request #angst #heartbreak tw #torture tw #mind break tw #betrayal tw #lies tw

[pimosworld]

Never have I ever

Kinktober Prompt-Voyeurism,Squirting,Polyamory

Pairing -Will Miller x f!reader x Tf boys x f!reader

Summary-You and the boys play a game and things take an interesting turn.

CW-18+,MDNI,NSFW, Voyuerism, Smut, Fluff, Rough sex, Dom Will, mentions of anal, mentions of MM dynamics, restraints, mentions of safe word but no use, established poly relationship, Unprotected PIV, cream pie, squirting, aftercare. Appropriate discussion of past relationships.

WC-4K

A/N- Set in the story of us verse but can be read as a stand alone. Reader is not race coded, no use of Y/N. This is my current WIP procrastination, when lightning strikes you must write. My first kinktober prompt. I just reached 400 followers and this is 4000 words so I’m gonna take this as my follower celebration as well.

[Series Masterlist][Main Masterlist]

“Ben, are we seriously playing this?” The five of you are situated comfortably in your usual spots in the living room and somehow the younger Miller has convinced you all to ‘make things more interesting’ in his words. 

  “I’m too old for this.” Frankie mumbles into his beer as he downs the rest. 

  “We know…that doesn’t mean you’re getting out of it.” You chuckle briefly as Santi’s hand skirts higher up your thigh under the blanket. He’s been slowly torturing you as you relaxed on the couch, all of you decompressing and going over your week. It was a new ritual to discuss the ins and outs of your time apart but it seemed Ben was growing tired of the normal mostly mundane conversation.

  “Hands up let’s go.” The impatient Miller barks from his spot on the floor, too big to fit anywhere else and you're always unsure of why Will won’t just get a bigger couch. You suggested a few months ago that it would be nice for all of you to be able to relax together. He agreed but evidently it takes time to find the perfect one. 

  Everyone reluctantly puts their hands up, Santiago opting for one hand because he can’t pry his other from the warmth of you under the blanket. The other part of you knows he’ll probably lose this game and he doesn’t feel like putting too much effort into revealing how much of a slut he was before he pulled his head out of his ass and finally told you how he felt. 

  “Both hands, Pope.” Frankie chides from beside you and Santi squeezes your thigh before drawing his hand out and flipping him off. 

  This game was an odd choice, almost completely out of left field. The five of you knew almost everything there was to know about each other. Although you’re sure the boys know a lot more about their respective sexual escapades than they know about yours. Nothing among these men is ever done by accident, you’re just waiting to see the angle that’s being played so you don’t end up trapped. The confused and amused looks on the others' faces has you a little at ease since it seems this is a solo mission for Ben and those didn’t always go as planned. 

  “I’ll start since it was my idea.” Will sends you a look from across the room as to say of course and you’re acutely aware that he hasn’t let out one protest or sign of stopping this game. You’re almost positive it’ll come down to you both in the end and he knows it judging by the smug look on his face. 

  “Never have I ever faked an orgasm.” You roll your eyes as you put one finger down. Maybe you were going to lose after all. The chuckles from the others don’t help your embarrassment, even though you should hardly blame yourself. It doesn’t need to be clarified that since you’d been with all of them there was no need to fake it anymore, but it was definitely known by all that you had to in the past an ungodly amount of times. 

  You brave a look up from the carpet that you’d all but memorized as you see Ben's wide tooth grinning at Frankie beside you. You look over just in time to see Frankie put his finger down as the redness creeps up his neck. He’s staring daggers at the younger Miller and Santi’s chuckles send vibrations through your body as you lean into him. 

  “How did she not know?” You ask him in the sweetest tone, no judgment behind it, just genuine curiosity. 

  He scrubbed his hand over his jaw, his calloused fingers digging into the patchy part of his beard. No doubt thinking how long this night will be if we have to explain each finger down,but of course that’s always Ben’s plan. He wants to draw this out for as long as he can. 

  “I pulled out and spit on her back.” He says it so sheepishly you almost feel bad for him. An image flashes in your mind and you make the mistake of looking over at Will who is doing his best to not completely lose it. You cup your mouth trying to suppress the giggle but it’s far too late. 

  “Laugh it up honey.” The funniest part is how could anyone not be thoroughly enjoying themselves when Francisco Morales is behind the wheel, but you figure it’s their loss. 

  You wrack your brain for something you’ve never done that they may have.Blowjob,one night stand,sent a nude photo,had sex in public…those are all out. 

  Will interrupts your thoughts as he speaks from the loveseat. “Never have I ever had a threesome.” He just saved you in more ways than one as you see Benny and Frankie glance at each other as they put a finger down. Santi tsks beside you and you don’t even have to look over to see he did as well. 

  You miss the look Santi shoots Frankie above your head as he makes a mental note. Ben may have been a thorn in his side at times but right now he could kiss the ground he walked on. Unbeknownst to you this has turned into a silent competition of memorizing everything you’ve never done,each time you don’t put a finger down he clocks one of them. He doesn’t even care that he’s about to lose as the room thrums with sexual tension. 

  As you predicted you and Will have the most fingers left. You have three,Will has two and Benny has one that he’s been holding onto for dear life. Santi and Frankie had long been out, Santi rejoins the group after refreshing your drinks. He knew he hasn't missed anything since it was getting harder to think of things as the game went on. 

  You need to get Ben out and you were sure this next question would. If it also took one down for Will then you would just be getting lucky you guessed. 

  “Never have I ever done anal.” Santi stifles a moan next you as Frankie not so subtly adjusts the growing bulge in his jeans. You were so focused on winning that you have no idea how thin of a thread they were holding onto. Frankie’s been fighting the mental image of checking each thing off your list one by one. Santiago isn’t faring much better not having realized how much innocence was still lying dormant in you. 

  Ben concedes as he grabs the pillow he was using on the floor, your brace for the moment that he decides to toss it at you only for him to place it gingerly in his lap. 

  “Welcome to the club.” Frankie mutters under his breath as you stare down Will who now has one finger up…interesting. 

  “Never have I ever been tied up.” Fuck

  You put a finger down and wait for the responses that eventually never come. Will was playing dirty, he knows for a fact you’ve been tied up. It had only been a week since he asked you if you wanted to try it. 

  This was it,you had to go for the kill…but how bad did you want to win? You know there’s only one way but it will certainly come at a cost. In the end the cost may be worth it. 

  You raise up on the couch sitting back on your heels,proudly displaying the two fingers you have left. You can’t chance a look at anyone besides Will or you might chicken out. Frankie’s fingers grip nervously at the blanket that’s fallen next to you. He wants to reach out and touch you, the only sound over your beating heart is the rustling of the couch cushions as Santi leans forward just into your peripheral vision. Breath in…Breathe out 3,2,1. 

  “Never have I ever made someone squirt.” You say it so fast they almost don’t catch it…almost.

  “Ha…he’s never made anyone…” Ben is silenced mid sentence as Will closes his fist and leans back into the seat. He doesn’t really care that he’s lost, in reality he’s actually won this game. Judging by the shocked looks on their faces or Ben’s mouth hanging agape. You didn’t fully think this through, your brain was clouded with the thrill of winning. 

  He almost feels bad for you as he says the momentary look of triumph quickly turns into one of defeat. It’s written all over your face as the realization sets in that you’ve completely fucked yourself, you would be a horrible poker player because you just revealed all your cards. If this were a lion's den you were a fresh piece of meat. 

  A drop of sweat trickles down your back as you lower your hand slowly to place it on your thigh. The room is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. 

  “Prove it.” Santi’s voice is so close to your ear you nearly jump out of your skin. 

  Will tilts his head at you as if to challenge you. This game was far from over and you’d be damned if you were going to lose. You stand from the couch and walk over to him. Four sets of eyes watching your every move as you grab his hand and pull him to stand. You raise your eyebrows as an acceptance to his challenge and he starts to lead you away from them toward the hallway. You sense no movement behind you as you make your way to his bedroom. 

  “You boys coming or not?”  A small stampede sounds behind you and you chuckle picturing them trying not to trample each other as their bodies catch up with their feet, no doubt all thought having left their brains. 

  ****

  Santi’s lost count, has it been five or six times Will has brought you to the edge only to pull away and deny you what you so desperately want and need. He’s no stranger to this game but he doesn’t think he’s ever been this turned on by it. Watching from a whole different viewpoint. Being a spectator is thrilling and watching you writhe and chase his touch after each denial makes his cock achingly hard in his jeans. 

  Frankie’s not doing much better as he tries to follow Will's rules he laid out before starting. If you want me to show you then you don’t touch her unless I tell you to. The captain in him didn’t come out often anymore but when it did he commanded respect. 

  Ben stares on with excitement and curiosity written all over his face. He watches as you grip the sheets, your chest heaving as sweat beads down your forehead. Will told you not to touch yourself and Ben didn’t know you could be so obedient. 

  Wills got you so on edge you can’t be shy anymore about the way you beg for him and plead for him to let you come. A far cry from when you first entered the bedroom. 

  He had slowly undressed you and instructed you to lay flat on the bed. He crawled over your body kissing and biting his way up your thighs and your stomach. His hand caressed your breast as his tongue laved over the other. It was too much and not enough as your eyes met the others standing in the room. They’d all seen you in this position before but something about them watching suddenly has you feeling vulnerable. 

  “Look at me.” He leaned in and kissed you, deep and passionate as his hand gripped your waist and his tongue prodded your mouth. An expert distraction to bring you back to the moment. 

  “It’s just me and you.” It was the last thing he said to you before he methodically took you apart right before their eyes. You knew he was taking his time, putting on a show. He wasn’t simply going to make you squirt and move on like some conquest. He wanted to draw this out, show them what he was capable of. 

  He started with his mouth as his breath ghosted over your slick folds. He looked up at you through hooded lids one more time to give you a chance to back out, when you gave no indication of wanting to stop he dragged his tongue expertly through your slit. Parting it with his thumb as he dove in circling your clit. You were a goner from the beginning as he brought you to the first cliff only to leave you hanging. You cried out his name in desperation as he dipped two fingers in, pumping in and out as he bit down on your thigh. The pleasure and pain mixed in with you on display had your nerves alight. 

  With each denied release you can feel the pressure building in your core, it’s so close you can taste it on the tip of your tongue. You can taste yourself as he leans over you again kissing you through your whimpers as your body shakes beneath him. 

  “Will please…” Your sweet voice begging is like music to their ears. Frankie would give you whatever you want if you asked him but Will doesn’t budge. 

  “Please what sweetheart…I can’t read your mind.” 

  Son of a bitch he’s trying to kill you. 

  For all his resolve Santiago can’t help but be impressed. Even if this sudden burst of confidence is all a show for them he has to admit he would’ve caved by now and just went straight for the finale. 

  You’re not even sure when Ben and Frankie sat on the bed leaning against the headboard beside you, or when Santi sat at the end to have a perfect view of your pussy clenching around nothing as your arousal drips onto the sheets below. 

  “Please Will, I need you inside me…I need to come please.” You’re practically crying as he shushes you, his cock leaking precum on your stomach as it twitches in anticipation. He’s not going to be able to last much longer at this rate either. 

  He leans back on his heels as he grips the base of his cock, slapping your clit and dragging it through your slick as he slowly prods your entrance. The noise you make almost has him buckling as you sigh into it finally having what you want. 

  He starts at a slow pace as he wraps your legs around his waist, he can see the way your face contorts with every slap of his hips against yours. You can feel every vein and ridge as the lude sounds of your sweat and slick echo in the room. 

  You can’t see it from where you are but Frankie’s itching to touch you, desperately wanting to break the rule as he watches you try not to touch yourself. 

  Ben is mesmerized as he watches your breasts bounce with every thrust of Will's hips, he wants to latch onto you and bite down until you're screaming his name, but he knows his brother would do more than scold him if he so much as tried to touch you right now. 

  Santi’s waiting…waiting for any sign or movement as to how he does it. He’s thoroughly enjoying himself but he’s seen nothing new, nothing he hasn’t done to you a dozen times over. Any indication as to what Will has managed to do before the rest of them. It’s driving him a little mad as he watches you beg for it like you’ve never had it before. 

  You can feel the tension building as Will picks up his pace, he shifts your legs to either side of his head as he punches the air out of your lungs with every thrust. He brings his thumb down rubbing fast circles on your clit as you try to grab his wrist. That all too familiar feeling has you keen and arch your back. “Grab her hands.” Frankie moves before you can think, your wrists gripped tightly in one of his palms above your head. 

  “Wait…please.” He chuckles under his breath as his chest heaves with the sharp movements. Not mere seconds ago you were begging to come and now you’re begging him to stop. 

  You crane your head back and lock eyes with Ben, his eyes are etched with worry as he lays there helpless to your pleas. “Will!” 

  “She’s fine…aren’t you sweetheart?” You can’t think, he’s fucked you so dumb you cant remember your own name let alone formulate a sentence. “Yes.” Is all you can manage. 

  “She knows what to say if she wants to stop.” He grits through his teeth as his orgasm steadily approaches, his thighs burn and he’s surely bruised your calves as he grips tightly to them. 

  You’ve never safe worded with him and you don’t plan on it now. It feels so good as the searing hot sensation creeps up your spine threatening to take purchase in your brain. “Please don’t stop.” 

  He gestures to Frankie to grab the pillow, who moves with lightning speed as he situates it under your back. Santi looks at your face then, and he finally sees it. The look of panic and bliss as you succumb to the inevitable. He’s seen this look before but he ran from it afraid that he might hurt you. Will punches something deep inside you as he lifts your hips, the sound you make bordering on pornography while your arousal coats his stomach almost forcing him out of you completely. 

  He thrusts once and twice before nearly collapsing his weight onto you as he comes through your high. He releases your legs as he leans in to give you a kiss. Will was nothing if thorough and he always made sure you were okay. It’s in this moment that you truly feel like it’s just the two of you and not aware of the blissed out expressions of the other men. 

  “You did so good for me.” He pants out against your mouth as he desperately tries to catch his breath. 

  You highly doubt this is what Ben had in mind when he suggested this game but it ended much better than any of you would have anticipated. 

  Moments pass and you’ve just barely recovered. You’re in need of a shower and some water as you try to move slightly, the grip on your wrists tighten as you look back at Frankie. 

  Do it again. 

Comments and reblogs are much appreciated

Tagging a few who might be interested

@csarab615 @syrupsstuff @ghostslillady @uudelally @onefinnedwonder-fm @thedreadandthefugitivemind @romanarose @scarletthefierce

#triple frontier #tfpoly x reader #tf boys x reader #will 'ironhead' miller #will miller smut #will miller x female reader #santiago garcia x francisco morales #santiago garcia smut #ben miller x reader #triple frontier frankie #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales #triple frontier fanfiction #frankie morales x you #Ben miller x Francisco morales #triple frontier drabble #kinktober 2023 #santiago pope garcia x reader #triple frontier smut #will miller fanfiction #triple frontier poly #400followercelebration #fawktober2023 #francisco morales x reader smut #dark!will miller

[enviedear]

i've been going solo now ⟶ ben solo

description ⌙ when you get a distress signal from your dad and his life-long goon you're quick to try and come to their rescue. only problem? so is ben solo.

pairing ⌙ smuggler!ben solo x f!reader

warnings ⌙ childhood crush/frenemies turned adults with horrible communication skills, reader is the daughter of lando (biologically or not you decide), ben is a jerk, reader is a brat, petty arguments, forced proximity trope, inner conflict all the time, han and lando are just two pals getting into serious issues that their kids have to fix don't mind them (they're just mentioned), most likely incorrect knowledge of the falcon & starship parts, smuggler!ben solo au because that's canon to me, ben calls reader kid (affectionate, kinda), typos probabaly

word count ⌙ 4.1k

— request | masterlist

i just think ben solo is very much solo by future coded and i wanted to write about smuggler!ben and his smug attitude. special thanks to @crucifiedfaerie for letting me gush over this idea constantly in our dms <3

you never had the stomach for killing— the thought of it or the act itself. the notion of ending someone's life has always been abhorrent to you, leaving a sour sensation in your mouth that lingers long after the deed is done. but right now, you sit, filled with a growing and seemingly unstoppable rage that practically demands blood.

"don't even think about jumping into hyperspace, solo!" your voice is loud but erratic.

the black-haired man piloting the ship gives you a side eye, "and waste hours getting there? sure thing, kid."

you grip the co-pilot seat as hard as possible as he sends the absolutely geriatric ship into lightspeed. the force of it sends your head back onto the headrest, and you screw your eyes shut until the motion of the ship stills.

you've been flying with ben solo on the millennium falcon for a day and a half now, and this isn't even the first time you've wanted to kill him.

no, you'd harbored a hatred for ben solo for as long as you could remember. when you were little your father frequently left you in the care of the organa-solo's. any trip too risky for you to follow him on had you spending time on chandrila han and leia— and ben.

he was a few years older than you and so insufferable - spoiled rotten and full of mischief. the two of you would inevitably end up in scuffles over something, whether it be who got to shower first or which holovid show to watch. you often wondered how your father, han, or leia had managed to handle both of you. a hardheaded pair of troublemakers that needed little excuse to start bickering with one another.

but beneath it all, there had been another layer to your complex relationship with ben solo. even though you feigned anger whenever near him, deep down there had been an admiration growing since those early days spent together. your naive heart fluttered when he would absentmindedly flash his ever-present smirk in your direction. but you'd never admit or act upon any such feelings.

naviagting your crush had been difficult at first. especially having lando calrissian as a parent. you were forced to spend weeks around the source of your teen angst because of your father.

what use is a dad that can sweet-talk a jablogian if he can't fix your unwanted crush on his best friend's son.

you've cursed at his image in your mind every time you look at your ridiculous companion. if not for him, you wouldn't be with ben right now— you'd have never had the displeasure of his company.

you got away from the young solo, and most everyone else, for a good five years, hopping from planet to planet, picking up any honest work. which usually meant boring work— factory jobs, service stuff, a few instances of babysitting.

your life without ben solo is predictable and a little boring.

but you'd rather be bored than deal with the recklessness that becomes your life every time you see the smuggler.

but here you sit beside him, forced to spend an unknown amount of days with him until the both of you find your idiotic fathers.

you had gotten a rouge comm-link message from your dad just days ago. he sounded fine, voice still leisurely and warm, but it was his words that were worrisome, "han's got us in a bit of trouble, little star. would you mind coming to help your old man out? we're somewhere in the trilon sector— i'd try batuu first!"

when you got the message, your mind had gone into autopilot. you had rushed to comm leia, which had been a fatal mistake, as she had ordered her son to pick you up and accompany you. so now you're here, stuck with ben solo and his frightening flying.

"you know, dad should have warned me i'd be flying with a coward." ben's lips are curved into a grin, as usual with his teasing.

you whip your head in his direction, eyes ablaze, "well my father should have warned me that you've gotten even more annoying, somehow."

ben narrows his eyes, a stupid smirk still plastered to his face, "whatever you say, kid."

you feel your blood go hot, why he decided to start calling you kid, you didn't know, but you do know you hate it.

ben's barely your senior, only twenty-three years of age in comparison to your twenty. besides he behaves like an out-of-hand teen away.

"stop calling me that." you groan.

ben chuckles, "aw, what's the matter, kid? tired of following orders already?"

you grit your teeth, the way he talks down to you will forever get under your skin, "i don't take orders from you, solo."

"sure you do. you're on my ship, remember?" ben retorts, his eyes focused on the coordinates displayed to his left.

you cross your arms over your chest, "we're supposed to be working together to find han and my father and get them out of trouble, not bickering like children."

ben rolls his eyes, "it's not my fault you're so uptight."

you take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down. you can't afford to lose your temper and start a fight, not when you're relying on him to get you to your destination safely. so, you force a smile, "look, can we just be civil? we're both here because we care about our dads and want to help them."

ben's expression softens a little, "fine. but if you start nagging at me again, i can't promise i won't call you kid."

you roll your eyes, "deal. now, can you tell me more about what's going on? my dad was pretty vague in his message."

ben hums, "same with mine. all i know is that lando got mixed up in some kind of shady deal, and now he's in trouble with a gang of criminals called the ninth sun. my mom's been trying to negotiate with them, but they're not ones to bend the knee."

you groan, "of course not. what's the plan?"

he shakes a stray black strand of hair from his eye, "no plan, just find them and go from there."

"lovely, that's totally going to work," you bite your lip, "oh and, it was han who made the sketch deal, not my dad."

ben shrugs, "and who told you that?" he rests his elbow on the armrest and brings his hand to his chin, "lando?"

you clench your fists, "let's just focus on finding them. no need to dwell on the semantics."

ben glances at you and for a moment, you swear there's a flicker of something in his eyes. something other than his usual teasing, mischievous demeanor, but it's gone as quickly as it came and he turns back to the console.

the ship hums steadily beneath you, and the silence between you two stretches on, broken only by the occasional beep from the controls. you fidget in your seat, uncomfortable with the unfamiliar hush. you've never been around ben so long without saying anything, and you're about to speak up before he interrupts you.

"we'll have to make a pit stop, i need to refuel." his voice sounds tired.

you nod, "alright. any nearby planets we can stop at?"

ben checks the navicomputer, "yeah, there's one a couple of light years away. i've been there before, it's not too bad."

"okay solo, lead the way." you say, leaning back in your seat.

as he pilots the ship toward the destination, you can't help but study him from the corner of your eye. he's changed since the last time you saw him. the boy who used to pull your hair and steal your toys has grown into a man. he's lean and toned with longer hair, still as sable black as ever. it falls into his eyes, despite how much he wills it not to, giving him a slightly disheveled look that you can't help but find attractive.

you rue the thoughts plaguing your own mind.

the embarrassment you used to feel over your crush has come back ten-fold. the feeling shocks you. he's trying to act all suave and mature, but you know deep down that he's still the same old ben who annoyed the life out of you. you can feel the familiar tug in your heart every time he speaks, and you know he can't have changed much over the years. not when he's making you feel just like you're fourteen again.

but there is something different about him now. maybe it's the way he pilots the ship with ease– no longer the boy who'd cover his ears ar take off, or maybe it's just the way his muscles flex under his tight-fitting shirt. he's almost mesmerizing.

it's clear that he's been doing this for a long time, navigating the stars all alone with nothing but his shitty attitude and perfect hair. you find yourself marveling over him, sure and smooth, his hands deftly moving over the controls.

ever the realist, you try to shake off the feeling, but it's proving difficult. you feel a strange urge to preserve your current addiction.

as you watch him fly, you feel a fixation building within you. it's a sentiment you haven't felt in years, not felt since the last time you saw him.

you try to push the feeling down, knowing that it's not the time to have those kinds of thoughts. you're supposed to be focused on finding your fathers and not getting killed by some lethal syndicate, not lusting after your childhood nemesis.

you feel wrong stealing glances at him, trying to understand what's changed and why you're feeling this way. you're towing a dangerous, line. especially if those feelings are inspired by ben organa-solo.

finally, after what feels like hours, you arrive at the refueling station. as soon as ben lands the ship, you stretch your legs inside the falcon, looking out at the new scenery. the planet is bathed in the evening light, and the scene around you is wide awake. the station itself is a bustling hub of activity, with all kinds of alien species milling about.

ben leads the way to the fueling station, where he begins filling up the ship's tanks. you stand by the ship's entrance, people-watching. your eyes find ben's figure again, and you let them stall. when he looks your way, you advert your gaze and step out of the falcon, swiftly approaching him.

the evening air is cool as it hits your skin. this planet is a strange one, with vibrant purple plants and thick, white fog swirling around. but you don't pay too much attention to it, your eyes are locked on ben.

he's leaning against the ship, checking over the fuel meter with a frown on his face. you walk over to him and clear your throat, expecting to get his attention.

he looks up at you, eyes meeting your own. you feel your heart skip a beat, and you curse yourself for being soft for him.

"you know, you didn't have to follow me out here." he mumbles, hand coming to brush the hair from his eyes.

you hum, "i didn't have anything better to do."

he ignores you and looks back at the fuel gauge, his eyebrows furrow, "i found something for you to do." his voice is monotone, but you're all too familiar with the subtle cut of annoyance within.

"what does that mean?" you own voice comes out a bit too anxious.

ben groans before looking at you, "one of the damn tanks has a leak— i told chewie to fix that weeks ago." he follows up his words with a few curses before kicking the faulty gas tank.

you roll your eyes, "can't we just get another one? i'm sure if we go inside someone would know where we could get another one."

"the problem isn't finding one," he tsks at you, "the problem is that this tank has been leaking fuel into the beacon finder. without that, we're never finding our dear old dads."

your heart sinks. you had been so sure that you would find your dad quickly, but now it looks like that might not be the case. "so, what do you suggest we do?" you ask, crossing your arms over your chest.

"i'll have to fix the beacon," he sighs, "luckily i have the tools for it, but i need to find one more part, and with the sun setting soon…" he trails off, letting his silence complete the sentence for him.

you take in a deep breath at his implication. you can tell what he is suggesting without explicitly stating it.

you will be stuck on this planet with him tonight and forced to share the same cramped room. you thank god for separate cots, at least.

you try to ignore the warmth creeping up your ears, but you know that it's a losing battle. you haven't shared a room with ben solo since you were kids, endless unwilling sleepovers at each other's houses. but those instances were filled with innocent pranks and arguments, not the tension and longing glances you've found yourself giving him.

"alright," you say, trying to keep your voice even, "we'll just get the part and fix the beacon. the faster we fix this, the faster we can find our fathers and get back to our lives." you move towards the entrance of the fueling station, wanting to put space between you and ben.

"you mean so you can get back to your life." he calls out to you, and you look back at him only to be met with contempt in his brown eyes, "the one where you avoid me."

you give him a sharp eye roll before making your way toward a small gaggle of vendors, much more interested in finding this part. ben follows closely behind you, and you can feel the weight of his stare on the back of your head.

you're at a loss as to why ben solo would ever care that you've been avoiding him for the last five years. the ben you remember would've never batted an eye. when did that change?

you find a vendor selling the part that ben needs, and you both split the payment before heading back to the falcon. ben sets to work on the beacon, and you sit nearby, supposedly looking over the coordinates but mostly watching him work.

there's an abnormal sense of calm that fills you as you watch him. concentration is etched on his face, lips bitten bright red. you can't help but admire him, not for the sake of not trying.

you're brought back to reality when he starts cursing under his breath, "what's wrong?" you ask, moving closer to him.

"this damn thing won't budge," he grunts, trying to pry apart two pieces of the beacon.

you move to his side, peering down at the device. his breath is hot on your cheek, and you feel an urge to shiver. trying to focus on the task at hand you take a few breaths.

your eyes keep drifting to his lips, the way they move when he curses. you shake your head, trying to clear the inappropriate thoughts from your mind. "let me help," you offer, reaching for one of the tools he's using.

he hands it to you, and you lean in closer, your sides pressed together as you work the tool. you can feel his heat exuding into you, a warmth that isn't just from the planet's humid air. you try to focus, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. every time he moves, you catch a whiff of his scent, musky and rich, and your mind starts to wander to places it shouldn't.

finally, after what feels like an eternity, the piece pops free, and ben lets out a sigh of relief. he turns to you, a small smile on his face, and you can't help but smile back. his eyes lock onto yours, and suddenly, the air between you is charged with something foreign.

you let your tone come out sardonic, "looks like i saved the day. you're welcome, solo."

ben tilts his head, eyes narrowing, "you're a brat, kid."

"i thought i told you to stop calling me that." you want to hit him.

"i said i had a condition," he pauses, arms coming to either side of you, palms pressing into the falcon's floor, effectively trapping you against him, "a condition you just broke. so you're back to kid, kid."

you feel your resolve slipping, "you're the worst. you always have been, and i can see now that will never change."

he has the audacity to let out an amused breath, "if you're going to say shit like that, at least mean it."

your brows furrow, "pardon me? as if i don't mean that."

his hands creep from the ground and to your hips, you gasp as he pulls you in closer. if he were anyone else, you'd expect him to kiss you next, but he's not anyone else. so instead, he cranes down and whispers in your ear, his breath hot against your skin. "i know you want me," he growls, his fingers digging into your clothed flesh. "don't act like you don't,"

you're completely caught off guard, and before you can respond, he's pulling away from you and grabbing the beacon. you watch in silent horror as he makes for the falcon's exit, leaving you confused on the floor.

you sit there, rooted to the spot, your mind and body in turmoil. you know if you follow him you'd just be throwing yourself into a petty or embarrassing altercation.

what did he mean by that anyway? how could he possibly know?

taking a steadying breath, you turn away from your seat and make for the other side of the ship. you need to keep yourself busy until nighttime, and you know that there's some maintenance to do on one of the storage bays. when you get there, however, it's already been taken care of. your fists clench in frustration as you realize ben must have done it earlier.

you start searching around the ship for any other tasks that might help keep your mind off things and pass the time more quickly- checking cords, tidying up shelves or going through supplies lists so nothing gets low.

the hours seem to stretch on endlessly despite how much work you manage to do, and all too soon darkness begins to fill the sky outside of the cockpit windows. with a heavy sigh, you head back towards where you and ben had been working earlier. he's back now, tinkering away with the beacon as if nothing had ever happened between the two of you earlier— as if his words hadn't sent a tremble down your spine and confused the emotions tumbling through your mind.

you catch an expectant glance from him when he finally notices your presence. you're sure he's expecting you to say something to him. maybe he wants you to yell.

you don't say anything though, instead offering only a terse nod before checking the endless cords around you.

your fingers move quickly and expertly over the tangled cords, your mind too preoccupied to focus on anything else. but you can feel his gaze on you, burning through the back of your skull like a branding iron. his presence is suffocating and you know that if you don't get a handle on your emotions soon, you'll combust.

eventually, you're so lost in thought that you almost miss the soft footfalls approaching you. you turn to see ben standing beside you, his eyes locked onto yours. the air between you is thick with strain, unspoken words, and feelings. there are so many things you want to say to him, but you don't know where to begin.

"so," his voice breaks through the silence like a blaster shot. "when are we going to talk about it?"

you hear the depth in his baritone voice and it's all you can do to keep your face neutral, your thoughts collected, "talk about what?" you ask, even though you know perfectly well what he's referring to.

"about me and you," he says, voice low but insistent, "or we can just keep ignoring it. the tension seems to be getting us pretty far."

your expression shifts as you take in his words, the longing that had been coiled in so tightly before now coming to the surface. you can feel yourself flustering under the intensity of his watch but you refuse to look away, instead lifting your chin higher and narrowing your eyes.

"there is no us, solo," you say firmly, though your voice is riddled with a hint of something else entirely, "there never has been, and never will be."

ben seems unfazed by your words, his eyes steady and intense. "you say that," he says, his voice softening. "but i know you better than anyone else. and i know there's some part of you that actually likes me. i bet it pisses you off, doesn't it?"

he's right— it does piss you off that your heart can't seem to let him go. no matter how annoying you find him, he's beautiful and confident. and he does know you better than anyone. he knows what buttons to press and how hard. with ben, there's always the thrill of how perceptive he is— that he can see through the walls of anger and indifference you try so hard to build up around yourself.

you can feel your will crumbling under his words, your heart throbbing in your chest, but still, you push back, "even if there is something there, solo," you say, your voice shaking slightly, "it doesn't change anything. we're two different people living two very different lives."

ben smirks, "you don't know anything about my life."

you let your eyes roll, "as if the life you lead is some kind of mystery," you take a deep breath, "i mean, what's to know? you fly alone, smuggle, and rack up credits. that's your life, solo."

he hums, right hand finding a home beside your head on the wall, "you know me so well, kid. you should write a book."

you feel inexplicably hot, "maybe i will. a long book of all the reasons you piss me off."

he doesn't respond, just looks down at you for an uncomfortable amount of time. he pushes himself from the wall and you, twisting and letting his back hit the durasteel wall. his face is turned to you, eyes downcast.

"you know," he says finally, breaking the silence, "i remember when we were kids, it was always you who used to be the one to instigate. you probably don't remember it that way, but i do, and i loved it. you never hesitated. you were fearless."

you look at him incredulously, wondering what this has to do with anything. but he continues, "you were the only girl that would play with me, and not just that, the only one that could beat me. but then one day you just stopped. you ignored me completely."

you stiffen, unwilling to admit even through body language that he might be right. a pre-teen you found avoiding your ben sized crush the most viable option. you just never thought he'd care.

he continues, eyes unwavering from yours, "you used to look at me like i was the only person that mattered. and then, you just stopped. it's was like… like you had something to hide."

it's like he can read your mind because he reaches out and grasps your wrist in his hand. his touch is nice against your skin, sending a comfortable feel through your veins.

"i miss you, the girl who wasn't afraid of liking me," he whispers, his voice low and husky. "and i want you to admit that you miss me too."

you struggle to find words, to make sense of everything inside of you, but before you can speak, his lips are on yours. his kiss is hot and demanding, and instinctively lean into him, body melting against his in perfect harmony. his hands slide around your waist and hold you close as the kiss deepens, and you can feel all of the frustrations of the past slipping away. when he finally pulls back, his eyes are bright with emotion and a hint of a smile graces his lips.

he looks down at you for a moment before speaking in a low voice, "you want me to do that again?" he steps closer to you and cups your face in his hands, his eyes twinkling with amusement. you can feel the warmth radiating from his body and if it weren't for his strong arms around you, you would have melted into a puddle.

you nod slowly in agreement, too lost in the moment to say anything else. he leans down and brushes his lips against your cheek before pulling away completely, "then be honest. right here, right now. you like me."

you screw your eyes shut, basking in the shame of being found out, "i like you, solo. i like you a lot, but if you don't get off your pedestal and kiss me again i'll withdraw the opportunity."

he gazes down at you with an expression that's tender yet mischievous all at once. "i like you too," he whispers before chuckling lightly, you open your eyes to see.

his dimples are on full display, and for a second, he's the spirit of the little brat you fell in love with all those years ago. "c'mere, kid." his voice is soft as he pulls you back into him, lips meeting yours.

#ben solo x reader #ben solo #ben solo x y/n #ben solo x you #kylo x reader #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren #kylo ren x you #ben solo fluff #ben solo angst #kylo ren fluff #kylo fluff #kylo ren angst #kylo angst #ben solo x female reader #kylo x you #kylo ren x y/n #smuggler!ben solo

[inklore]

garage rooftop

premise: the lines of friendship or something more grow more blurry the longer your eyes move from each mole, his cheek bones, his dark eyes, his lips. and you really don't understand why the two of you hadn't become something more ages ago.

pairing: ben solo x (f)reader

word count: 1k

contents: college au, fluff like this is nothing but fluff with one sexual innuendo and that's it, friends to lovers, quick mention of han being a lackluster dad sorry it's for the plot.

note: let's ignore that i actually wrote this back in april and just never got around to editing it but now that i'm in my driver era i had to come back to it. the title is from this song that i highly rec listening to while reading <3

The way his face morphs into something that was once joyful and silly—the blissed high that paints your cheeks red from laughing too hard over being overheated from how weightless it feels to be laying on the roof of your apartment building. The space decked out with rugs, blankets, and cushions from past and current tenants, mostly college kids like yourselves. 

Making it the perfect place to get high and look up at the sky at night. The city lights outshine the stars, but the clouds—and the strain of ganja Poe recently snagged from his dealer—give the same ethereal effect. 

“Why haven’t we ever...”

“Ever what, Solo? Dated?” There’s a pause between your words, and a slow, sly smirk moves across your lips as you look over at him. “Fucked?” 

The blush painting his cheeks quickly moves down to his neck as he shakes his head in laughter, biting his lower lip to hide whatever feelings are currently making him look like a shy schoolboy—something he was far from. 

It’s the “both. Why haven’t we done any of it?” That makes you both fall silent. That makes the joyfulness fade and something else fill the air the longer the silence spreads between the two of you. 

And it’s not the weirdest question or the wildest thing that’s come out of either of your mouths. 

It’s a question that makes you wonder, why? Seriously why? With the longer you stare at him, the more you take in the nervous tick of his chiseled jaw. The way his dark hair falls into his face each time he laughs and he has to continuously push it out of his eyes. How the crook of his nose looks oddly kissable and more attractive than you’ve noticed it before when it’s this close to your face. 

When the haze from the weed is making your body feel limitless and swoony. 

It’s a feeling that has you turning on your side. Putting a hand under your head shifts your body closer to Ben’s. Smiling when he doesn’t act phased in mirroring you, his body moving in the same motions and position as yours. Now putting the two of you so close that you can feel his breath hit your face, and the space between your legs barely exists without some part of him touching it. 

The two of you had been friends for forever, it seemed. Stuck in the woes of academia, making your parents proud does that to you. Makes you lose track of time and forget how the two of you became friends after getting into an argument over a Hamlet book in the library. 

A fight Finn quickly broke up, but Poe enthusiastically cheered on. 

The lot of you—Rose and Rey included—became inseparable after that day. Something that didn’t have a timestamp or expiration in your mind. It just happened. 

And now you have four best friends, and you’re coming to the conclusion that you’ve possibly liked one more than that. The lines of friendship or something more growing more and more blurry the longer your eyes moved from each mole, each scar, and each strand of hair. His cheek bones, his dark eyes, his lips. And you really don't understand why the two of you hadn’t become something more ages ago.

“Have you wanted to?” 

“The fact that you’re asking me tells me that you’ve never noticed. I’m not that subtle.” 

“Nose stuck in a book at all times, Ben, not subtle?” You make a sarcastic face, “yeah, who would ever think you’re subtle?” 

His knee nudges your thigh as his cheeks rise in that smile that makes his eyes crinkle at the edges. “You think I’d let Poe or Rey borrow my stuff? Steal my takeout from the fridge—which I know you do—without consequence?”

“In their defense, Poe and Rey have three late library books from two years ago and only you and I like the takeout you get from the bodega on the corner, so…it’s not really a fair asses-”

The squeal that comes from his fingers digging into your sides, pinching the skin at your hip and rib bones, fills the air and knocks the wind out of you all at the same time as you realize the position the two of you have wrestled yourselves in. 

Strands of dark hair moving against your forehead, your fingers instinctively reach up to brush the strands from both of your faces. Ben’s lips so close to yours that all it would take is a heavy breath and you’d be kissing. The relaxing rhythm of your heart now feeling like a hammer in your chest. 

Ben’s fingers run along your jawline, resting at your chin. 

“What if we did?” He asks. Searches your face for any reaction or indication that the subject should be changed. That he should stop asking, and the two of you should move away and pretend like this never happened. Go back to how things were—which was clearly not subtle and most definitely screaming ‘I’m in love with my best friend’. 

“Why have you never asked until now?” You answer with a question. 

“Losing my best friend is not the traumatic life experience I’d like to put on my resume beside divorced parents and an absent father.” He jokes, his smile playful, as the pad of his thumb draws small circles against the skin of your jaw. 

“No wonder you’re unemployed.” The two of you laugh, breaths mingling in the joys of this moment. Of the jokes that come easy and the touches that seem to come even easier. But then there's silence, and you’re leaning closer to him, a feathering touch of your lips against his as you murmur, “maybe you should stop being so afraid, Ben Solo. And have me.” 

And if you’ve ever felt like there was something missing—some cataclysmic event in your life that could rewire your nervous system and make you feel like you’ve been barely making it, your heart barely beating and keeping you alive: Ben’s mouth is the puzzle piece as he brings your mouths together in a bruising kiss. 

#ben solo x reader #ben solo fluff #ben solo x y/n #ben solo imagine #adam driver fanfiction #ben solo fanfic #ben solo x you #adam driver x reader #star wars fanfiction #ben solo #ben solo one shot #kylo ren fluff #adam driver fluff #ben solo fic #kylo ren x reader

[imaginedisish]

how do you sleep? (Ben Solo x fem!reader)

Part 1: We'll Never Have Sex

A/N: Hey guys!! So here is the first part of my Ben Solo x fem!reader fic. It is going to be told in non-chronological order, and every single part can be read as a one-shot! The overall series is based on "how do you sleep?" by LCD Soundsystem, but this particular part is based on "We'll Never Have Sex" by Leith Ross. I hope you guys enjoy!!!

Summary: After a lifetime of pining and yearning between you and Ben while training with Luke, things finally come to a head. (Series takes place over the year before Ben turns to the dark side, and then the aftermath of that).

Warnings: SMUT, fingering (f!receiving), so 18+, obviously canon divergence, all chapters can be read as a one shot with no context, series warning for canon typical violence, cursing, probably poorly proofread bc I only proofread once, praise kink...

Word Count: 2,511

Rain ruthlessly patters against the roof of the tent, threatening to leak through with each drop that came crashing down. You and Ben lay across from each other, a fire separating you, crackling in the center. You silently wish you were closer to him. You wish you could feel his calloused fingertips threading softly with your own. Maybe his hands would find their way to your waist, gently exploring your-

No. You can’t think like this, you’re not allowed to, never have been and never will be. You weren’t meant to get to have sex, married, to settle down, to have attachments of any kind. You were a Jedi, first, foremost, and only. 

But could love be that bad? Would being with Ben be so insurmountably terrible that it would corrupt both of you and bring disorder to the galaxy? Master Skywalker had told you it would, that an attachment of any kind would disrupt your training and your entire way of being. That notion had lost its meaning for you, and seemingly contradicted itself time and time again. If loving Ben was so horrific, why was it the only thing that made sense? 

“You okay?” He mutters, noticing that your eyes are glued to the fire, that stupid fire that stood in the way of being close to him. 

You mumble a yes in response, your mind far too clouded and nervous to say anything else. You were too busy convincing yourself that whatever bond you had with Ben defined the word yearn. You had known him your entire life, both having been trained by Luke practically since birth. And for as long as you could remember, you loved Ben Solo. 

And he loved you. 

But you held back, at least for as long as you could. As teenagers he had slipped up, kissed you while you had been sparring in the woods, far, far away from Luke. He had won the sparring match with your back to a tree, and he kissed you. 

Oh, you kissed me just to kiss me

Not to take me home

It was simple, it was sweetness

It was good to know

You talked about it once, and never again. You decided to hide it, to stuff the memory down, deep down where no one would ever be able to find it. Hiding wasn’t enough, it never was. You couldn’t forget it. Even now you dream of the taste of his lips on yours. You wish you could taste them now.

“You sure you’re okay?” His voice cuts through your thoughts, forcing you back to reality. He’s sat up now, looking down at you over the fire. 

You sit up too, forcing your gaze into the flames. “Yeah, I’ll be alright.” It was Master Skywalker’s fault for putting you and Ben on missions together, for keeping you two so close. He had to know how the two of you felt about each other. It was like some soul crushing test, some obstacle he expected you two to jump over and come out the other side stronger Jedi. 

He couldn’t have been more wrong. And it certainly wouldn’t be the last mistake a Skywalker made. 

“Do you…” He paused, waiting for your gaze to meet his. Your heart skips a beat when your eyes lock. “Do you wanna come over here?” He asks. He tilts his head to the side, searching for your response in your face before you can think of something to say. 

Say no, You think to yourself. Bad idea. Bad, terrible, awful idea. But your thoughts don’t seem to communicate with the rest of your body. You’re already standing up, walking around the fire, and sitting down on the edge of his cot, facing away from him. 

Ben rests a warm hand on your lower back, his thumb tracing circles and stars along your spine. It feels good, comforting – so it can’t be bad. You didn’t feel any evil bubbling up in your stomach, no pull into the darkness like had been foretold and prophesied. 

“Are you gonna tell me what’s going on?” Ben asks, there’s a smirk in his voice. You could hear it from a mile away. You turn your head to look down at him, and there it was, the cocky smirk. The second he sees the pain contorting your face, it slips away. You want it to come back.

You smile softly, reassuring him that everything was fine. “It’s just the nightmares.” It wasn’t a lie. They had certainly come back. You had dozed off a few minutes ago, and there they were. You weren’t going to fall back to sleep, not without him.

Ben responds by wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you down onto the cot. You stretch out a bit, letting yourself get pulled under the current of whatever was about to happen. The loneliness was too much; being without him was too much. And those – of course – were the real issues, the real sickness that was plaguing you. 

You and Ben knew loneliness too well, far better than any being ever should. 

Having someone this close kept that sinking alone feeling at bay; trapped it in some deep, dark, unintelligible, inaccessible corner far out of your mind’s reach. The feeling of his arms holding you tightly in place dispersed it, decimated it, fragmented it into pieces that simply could not be put back together, as if they had never been part of a whole to begin with. 

You’ve never had someone this close for this long. You’ve never gone this long without that alone feeling nipping at your skin and cursing in your face. And yet, it had been silenced. It wasn’t just because of a someone. He silenced it. And you knew that he was the only one who could. No, this couldn’t have just been anyone. It had to be him. 

And only him. 

“Ben,” You whisper. He squeezes your hip lightly in response. The feeling sends a ripple of chills down your spine. 

You don’t know exactly how long it’s been like this, standing on the ledge of a building neither of you should jump off from. You lost track of the time a few years ago. But you certainly never lost track of him. 

He squeezes your hip again, his lips suddenly sinking against your neck. You swallow the heavy lump in your throat as his hips push against yours. You jump, I jump, You think to yourself as he presses open-mouthed kisses up to your jaw, his body slowly shifting so that he’s above you. You let yourself fall onto your back, staring up at him. 

It was so quick, so easy to melt under his touch. It was too easy, for both of you, to give into the thing that had connected you for years. It was too simple to get to where you are now for it to ever be bad, to be the start of another war. 

The words slip from your lips. “I think I love you…” But you didn’t think. There was no thinking about this sort of thing, especially with Ben. That think came from your nerves, from that part of you adroitly trained to push him and everything else away. You didn’t want this to go past think. Think sits in limbo, unsure of its position, suspended in fluidity and nonsense. 

“Think?” Ben enunciates each letter, as if to question each sign’s meaning. But the smirk on his face tells you he’s much less serious than that, and that he knows your intention is far more serious than that think. 

You clear your throat, but the anxious feeling continues climbing up your esophagus. “Yeah…” You trail off, failing to seem aloof. “I think I-,”

“I know.” The thunder outside attempts to rudely interrupt the crackle of the fire and the finality of his words, but you hear them all the same. 

“Know what?” You question as the tips of his fingers graze the sides of your neck, slowly and gently wrapping around, as if to hold you in place. 

There’s no nervousness etched across his forehead as those perfect lips of his part. His brows aren’t furrowed, he doesn’t clear his throat. That smirk still tugs on his lips, even more so in his eyes, begging to be stretched into a smile. He’s cocky – but sweet – because he knows you’re terrified beyond belief. He’s more comfortable crossing this line than you are.

He was made to cross lines. “I know I love you.” And he means it. He means it in a way that speaks for you too, in a way that takes your think and transforms it into something greater. It was permanent, static, steadfast. A know, not a think. 

Rain pounds violently against the roof and you’re almost thankful for it. It keeps your words from leaking outside and into unaccepting ears. The ears that you and Ben had sworn your life to, your being to, your duty to. You were consciously breaking that oath, that code, that order that you had lived by for as long as you could remember. 

Part of you wants to scream, How dare you? How dare you cross the man who taught you everything, gave you everything? But what if that everything wasn’t as important as what Ben was, as that know had suddenly become? 

You know the answer, you’ve known it for years, before this moment, before he kissed you against that tree. You know the answer every time you see his smile, those eyes. You know when you hear his voice, when you feel his hand at your back when you’re being reprimanded by Skywalker. And he knows it too. He’s known longer than you have. 

Never mind crossing the line, it’s gone now, as if it was never there to begin with.

His lips press fervently against yours, already begging for more. He fits perfectly there, above you, your bottom lip skimming against his teeth, being bruised and imprinted with each hungry kiss. 

He pulls away for a second, his chest rising and falling somehow faster than your own. You wonder if he can hear your heart beating out of your chest, the sound drumming violently against your own ears. His hands unclasp your throat, roaming down your body, exploring each curve and corner before resting at the hem of your shorts. 

“Wanted you,” He pauses, his fingers hooking under the waistband. “For so long.” He finishes, his lips finding yours again. “So fucking long.” 

“B-Ben,” You’re stumbling around your words, and yet your mind has never felt more clear, more free. “Need you, please.” It’s a beg, a whine. 

His lips part from yours for just a second to pull your shorts and panties down. “Always needed you,” He says as his right hand drifts slowly down your stomach and in between your thighs. He spreads your legs and finds your clit before two of his fingers move further down. “So wet for me,” He says in between the gasps that echoed in the air. 

“B-Ben,” You whimper, suddenly remembering once again that you quite literally have never had anyone this close before. “I-I’ve nev-,”

“I know,” He whispers, his voice filled with lust, even deeper than normal. His dark hair falls against your forehead. “I’ve got you.” His fingers move back to your clit, circling slowly at first, gradually getting faster until all you can do is dig your nails into his shoulders. 

“F-fuck,” You curse. He presses harder against your core. “Need you, Ben,” You beg, all breathy and carelessly loud. 

Ben rests his forehead against yours, his fingers flicking at your clit, his other hand coming up and under your tank top. You have no bra underneath, something he couldn’t help noticing before. He gently rolls a nipple between his thumb and forefinger, reveling in the way you feel against him. 

He wanted you, needed you, just as much as you wanted and needed him. 

His palm glides across your chest, making sure to do the same to the other side before swiftly pulling your top up and over your head, discarding it somewhere on the floor. You don’t care if it lands in the fire. You wanted it to burn. 

“Doing so good for me,” He whispers, his lips sucking against your neck now. “Such a good girl.” 

You feel yourself clench around nothing, fluttering as Ben’s fingers refuse to let up. “I’m s-so close,” You choke, struggling to catch your breath. You could feel that familiar feeling building up in your stomach, heat spreading like a wildfire across your skin and every inch of your body. “Ben,” You recklessly call out. “I’m gonna-,”

“That’s it,” He coos, his fingers still working at your core. “Come on my fingers.” And just like that, white heat, stars, the cliché tension snapping, all of it was true. With him, that’s exactly what it felt like. 

He doesn’t stop right away, his fingers slowing down a bit before dipping down to your entrance, collecting your slick bringing them up to his lips. His fingers disappear into his mouth, sucking gently before he pulls them out. The feeling at your core immediately sparks again. You want more, need more. 

“Ben!” Your heart pangs in your chest at the shout of a familiar voice. FUCK. “Ben!” The voice yells again, outside the tent. Your eyes widen in fear. Panic fills your chest, and Ben springs up and out of the cot, hoping to get outside the tent before the voice found its way inside. 

Ben smiles at you as he stands at the entrance of the tent. You smile back, but you’re freaking out on the inside. What if Luke hadn’t called Ben’s name? What would’ve happened if he had simply come in and caught you? Ben can tell that you’re uneasy by the way your nose scrunches up, eyebrows furrowed tightly. And yet, you don’t regret a thing. How could you? 

“It’s okay, don’t worry,” He whispers, grabbing the cloth door to the tent with his hand. “We’ll figure it out…” He trails off, looking towards the door for a second before his gaze finds yours again. “I’d do anything for you, I mean it.” His words are so final, so permanent, the exact thing you had been afraid of. 

But not anymore. 

“I know I love you.” The words fall from your mouth with ease this time. You can hear Master Skywalker’s footsteps growing closer to the tent.

Ben smiles, his cheeks flushing just a touch, like someone had pinched his cheeks ever-so-slightly to remind him of how handsome he was. “I know I love you,” He says back before squeezing out of the tent so his uncle wouldn’t see the evidence of creed that had been broken and the attachment that had been consummated.

What the fuck were you going to do?

Depollute me, gentle angel

And I'll feel the sickness less and less

Come and kiss me, pretty baby

Like we'll never have sex

#Ben solo x reader #Ben solo smut #Adam driver x reader #adam driver x reader smut #adam driver smut #Ben solo x you #Ben solo x y/n #kylo ren x y/n #Adam driver x you #Adam driver x y/n #adam driver imagine #ben solo reader insert #adam driver reader insert #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x reader smut

[darlingdekarios]

illuminated.

rating: e for everyone. length: 522 content: Ben Solo x f!reader, fluff

no matter how many sunrises Ben gets with you, each one is cherished more than the last.

The day had only just started to be painted with gold as he was giving a final stir, that undeniable sense of adventure and desire to be on the move rejecting any opportunity to lie still, even just for a moment. As always, he lifted his hands to rub his eyes awake, only to find one of his arms pinned…the moment his morning truly began. 

There were few in the galaxy lucky enough to be greeted with a sight more beautiful and vibrant than any of the stars or suns, and yet he was among them. It was in these gentle moments he felt the luckiest – where you curled beside him with his sweater swallowing your frame, the darkness a contrast to the light pouring through the windows now. Though he could appreciate you as one appreciated the angels from the moons of Iego, it was seldom enough for long. And though as a pilot he was brazen – one could argue temerarious was often the more appropriate word – but these moments required delicacy. 

He reminded himself of that as he leaned in briefly to press a kiss between your brow, willing away the frustrated line that had formed as the daylight sought to end your sleep. He was rewarded – his delicacy always was – as the lightest of smiles pulled at the corners of your lips. It was quick, it always was…if he blinked away any more of the tiredness from his eyes he’d miss it, so instead he fought through the burn until you slipped closer to him, his large form shielding you for a while longer. 

He’d wait until you were ready before he moved – he wouldn’t waste a moment. It wasn’t like him to acquiesce to something so against his very nature so easily – and yet, morning after morning, he did so with you. It was quiet, easy…the familiar lull to comfort wrapping around him warmer than any sun could hope to make him. 

Ben Solo had been fortunate enough to nestle you into part of his morning routine for so many of them now, so many perfect sunrises tucked away into the depths of his mind for a day when he needed to chase the darkness away. No matter how many it had been – hundreds or thousands – your radiance held his attention, a gravitational constant of your own pulling him into you until a large had rested on your cheek, so light it likely felt like just another dream.

You’d wake sooner with his touch, a risk he’d happily take to feel his thumb brush against the soft skin of your cheeks, to soak in the warmth that poured from you. The subtle, slow swipe of his thumb across your bottom lip would, as it always did, quicken your breath – make your heart pound against your chest so hard he could feel it. The gentle press of your lips to his skin would erupt through him like the fires of Mustafar, and he’d bring you from your dreams with a soft kiss to your lips. 

The luminous glow of your smile would be the true start to his day.

masterlist. star wars masterlist.

#ben solo #ben solo x reader #ben solo x you #ben solo fluff #ben solo fanfic #star wars fluff

[mrsarnasdelicious]

Alright, Yous asked for this - PART TWO

So, the list of all my drafts doesn't fit in one part...

Riding the Beasts SCP 682 smut CW: Monsterfucking

Sihtric AU-arama Just all osrts of Sihtric AUs, in a long, big list.

Some good ass edging Edging Modern!Sihtric, straight up smut

I'll Be Your Prize [Finan x Sihtric] Uhtred tells Finan he can ask for the thing he wants most, so Finan asks for Sihtric.

The Things We Do With Power - I The Boys fic, mild fix it, predominantly wicked smut.

A very old promise Once Upon the beginning of my blog, I promised to write a certain poly smut thing, so here goes nothing.

All About A Gag Sihtric x Finan x Osfert. Sihtric fakes a gag and Finan is not having it.

Domestic - Lan Mandragoran Lan x Reader, being cute.

One Big Bed Poly Wheel of Time smut. Rand is a slut in this one.

The Pantsident Mark tore his pants. Mark x Reader smut

A Long Drive [Marnas] Mark rips his pants and Arnas makes full use of the situation.

Orgasm Desperation - Stephen Colley Stephen x Reader, with reader making Stephen beg for it.

BoB Sexarama Shameless, plotless smut headcanons.

A3 - Throuple Aethelflead x Aldhelm x Aethelred headcanons

BoB Poly Family BS You get involved with Finan, Sihtric and Osferth and raise children with them. Modern verse, headcanon list

Band of Bebbanburgh - XII - Getting Ink Done Uhtred, Osferth, Finan and Sihtric are getting tatted and Sihtric likes it a bit too well.

First Kiss - Draco Malfoy Set during book six.

First Kiss - Eric Northman Simple as.

Basically every thought I have ever had about Sihtric, but in a pile Full ass headcanon dump on my very fav himbo.

Good Good Good, Good Vibrations Mr F uses a vibe on reader, in public, sorta.

Orgasm Desperation - Game!Lambert Needy Needy Lambertini.

Lambert in the Middle Lambert getting some DP from Eskel and Geralt.

Another Lovely Puppy Pile Reader x Many witchers (and Jaskier)

Band of Bebbanburgh - XI - Tetanus Uhtred 'challenges' Sihtric to catch a pigeon. Hoemboy gets pecked and scratched, but has no tetnaus immunisation, so Finan and Osferth have to wrangle him to go to the dco's. Sihtirc does not like doctors and has to be pacified with sexy times from his boyfriends.

Giving Birth to Sihtric's Child It is not reader's first and it will most certainly not be the last.

TLK Underworld AU Headcanon List about a mafia au of sorts

Finan Eating You Out He's good with his mouth, let's be real

How He Met Me - VI August POV version of The Prophet [fic]

At the Desk - Napoleon Solo Napoleon Solo fucking reader on her desk, Arranged Marriage verse.

Sex in the Changing Room - Modern!Sihtric Raunchy dirty naughty Sihtric fucking reader in the changing rooms of the local clothing store.

On the table - Sihtric Canon verse, he humps you on the table

Sex in the Bath - Captain Syverson Bath sex with Sy

Ever Curiouser - I Hellboy Longfic, polyship.

Some Bebbanboys smut, bc I am nasty Smutty stuff with Sihtric x Finan x Osferth

Ben Daimio x Werewolf Reader A beastly smut

The Bebbanboys Band AU headcanons

Ben Daimio - Sneaking Around Smutty, you and Ben avoid getting caught while fucking on the job

Sweetheart Prompt #3 Ivar Lothbrok, suprise surprise

Band of Bebbanburgh - X - What Sihtric Does Best Smut fest about Sihtric sucking dick

Ulysses Klaue Smut Does exactly what it says on the tin.

No Way We Are Making Homework - Modern Ubbe Modern Ubbe x Reader. You should be making homework, but you are not.

Nasty Nasty Dirty Gross Ubbe CW: Incest Ubbe uses one specific way of making Hvitserk listen.

Ubbe x Alfred - Modern AU Ubbe and Alfred shower together.

This Home I Built - TLK Poly Fest Selfish fix it fic, lotsa smut, mainly about Sihtric.

Santiago Garcia Breeding Kink V1 Santi knocking you up.

Alpha Geralt Going Feral Nasty smut with no excuses

Sihtric - Breeding Kink V1 Sihtric knocking you up

Omega Sihtric Going Feral Needy Omega Sihtric

Alpha Geralt Scenting You Scenting sesh getting out of hand.

Santiago Garcia - Rough Sex Ah yes, more shameless porn with no plot.

Scenting Omega Sihtric Scenting Omega Sihtric gets out of hand.

My Fair Lady Shameless Aldflaed smut

Expectations - Loki Shameless Loki smut

Choking Sam Winchester Reader applying some pressure to a big moose, sexually.

At Saltwick What happened between Sihtric, Finan and Osferth while the kids were asleep.

Sex in Public - Sihtric Canon verse.

Neteyam x Au'Nung Neteyam almost died and Au'Nung is distressed.

Proof That I am an Aweful Person [TLK Poly stuff] More ReaderxPretty Boys headcanons

Fjall Stoneheart - Doggystyle Shameless smut

Band of Bebbanburgh - IX - Seeking Refuge Osferth goes to Finan when his homelife starts turning for the worst.

Breeding V1 - Jake Sully Jake Sully knocking you up.

Band of Bebbanburgh - VIII - Show You How Sihtric teases Osferth how to please Finan

Band of Bebbanburgh - VII - Small Comforts Finan having himself a slice of Sihtric.

Band of Bebbanburgh - VI - Sihtric's Dream Sihtric wakes up from a bad dream and Finan and Osferth put him at ease.

By God(s) and Men - Finan x Sihtric Canon verse; Sihtric and Finan figure out their dynamic.

The Baker's Boy - Finan x Sihtric Modern AU; Finan just realised he's been in love with Sihtric all along.

The Witan - Mark/Arnas/Reader CW: RPF and RPS Established Arnas x Reader and Past Marnas. Arnas convinced reader to come along to a TLK cast vaca and things spin swiftly out on his control.

All Three of Them Reader x Sihtric x Finan x Osferth smut

Threesome with Sihtric and Osferth Shameless smut with a lil twist

Threesome with Sihtric and Finan Dirty smutty smut smut smut

#there is a part three coming #yes I am not yet done #current score: 110

[juniperwoodwell]

Dedication

Ch. 1| Ch. 2| Ch. 3 |

Kylo Ren x F!Reader

Word count: 4k

Warning(s):None(Hopefully)

summary:As a Captain in the First Order, Y/N has never been one to bring attention to herself unless it was commanding her squadron. What happens when a personal hobby make's her prey to one of the most feared men in the universe?

A/n: There will be a Masterlist so you can keep track of the chapter's and the posting of these chapters won't be consistent I apologize. I started college recently and am most occupied with that. There will be a tag list so lmk if you want to be added.

"So? What did he say" Y/n asked the man who stood before her.

"It's been approved, but you only have an hour each day for one week. Then you are to return to your regular duties after that period is over," The man spoke calmly as he watched Y/n's eyes light up in excitement; Y/n pumped her fist in the air victoriously.

"Yes! Thank you, Father- I...I mean, Sir." She quickly corrected herself, but the man's face was just as happy as hers had been moments before.

"Little Sunflower, You don't need to call me Sir. You know that." He gently scolded,

"Mr. Sienor, You're needed for a Field test." A woman entered the room; she was his secretary, whom Y/n knew as Joyce.

"Yes, Thank you. Let them know I'm on my way." He dismissed Joyce and turned back to Y/n. "Now. You should also go; you start the inspection today and need to be in the hangar in twenty minutes."

"Okay. Be safe, Dad. And Tell mom I said hello." Raith nodded and left the room, Y/n soon leaving after him.

 The walk to the hangar typically took thirty minutes, but Y/n had a deadline, and she didn't want to be late. Upon arriving, Y/n was introduced to three engineers; one was a tall blonde man whose name she'd already forgotten, and another was a more petite brunette woman with thick-framed glasses whose name had also slipped her mind. She was briefed on the rules and regulations about what she would do. She was mostly there for personal reasons, but because she knew the ship like the back of her hand from the blueprints her father allowed her, the engineers asked her to do complete inspections on them and tell them if they'd missed anything in their checks and post-fight reports. It was a win-win situation. They got a temporary engineer, and she got to look over her favorite TIE model. The TIE/vn space superiority fighter, Or as most would call it. The TIE Silencer.

As Y/n stood with her hands on her hips in Infront of the brilliant ship, she observed every detail from the ground. She noticed some dents and scrapes on the hull.

"You must be the pilot they were speaking about." The low distorted voice seemed to startle the woman, who quickly turned around to address him; him...Kylo Ren, one of the most feared men in the galaxy.

 "uh. Yes. Sir, Capitan Y/n Sienor of the Special Forces." Spoke quickly and formally.

"Impulse." Her call sign rolled through the voice modulator like an animalistic growl.

"...You've heard of me then, Sir." A simple nod was the only response she received; assuming he was done talking, she turned back to the ship.

 A moment passed, and the distorted voice returned beside her. "Tell me everything you know about this ship, Capitan."

Y/n froze; she hadn't expected him to ask her such a question but obediently replied,

"Well, Sir. She's a prototype TIE/vn space superiority fighter with a twin-ion engine. Her maximum acceleration is four-thousand-five-hundred G's, Maximum atmospheric speed is one-thousand-eight-hundred and fifty kph. She's equipped with the torplex fight computer, two sensor arrays, four targeting sensors, and of course, life support. She was specifically designed for the use of the most elite in the first order. Her manufacturer is Sienar-jaemus Fleet Systems. She's fifty-seven feet long, twenty-five feet wide, and twelve feet tall. My favorite thing about her is how quiet she is." Once again, silence filled the tense air, and the looming figure caused Y/n to feel more anxious than she'd like to admit.

 "Impressive. But if you know it so well. Why do you need to study it?"He asked, turning his head towards her.

 "Selfishly. Personal reason, Sir. I was able to test fly one of the earlier models of this, and I was immediately enamored by it. But I wasn't able to study it like I had other models in the past, and when I heard that this one was here on the starkiller base, I asked my father to do me a favor. I'm not entirely sure who flies this beauty, but they're obviously of high rank and an exceptional pilot. She's not an easy one to fly." She turned her head towards him,

 "I know. It's mine." The shock on Y/n's face could have been comical without the slight tinge of fear she felt.

 "Oh. Wow, Must be an honor then" Her voice was dangerously close to wavering.

 "I approved your inspection under certain circumstances; I trust the engineers have briefed you on it." A nod from Y/n as she stood still like a statue. "You are to report your findings to the chief engineer after every shift. Be sure to make your reports detailed." Ending on that, Kylo Ren turned and left the hangar, leaving Y/n alone with her startled thoughts. 'Had he come here just to Interrogate me?'

The petite brunette woman made her way over to Y/n; surprise was written all over her features.

"Are you alright?" She asked, concern dripping off her words.

"Yes. I'm completely fine. I should start my inspection. I appreciate your concern, but it is unnecessary." Y/n spoke flatly as she began to climb into the cockpit of the TIE, surprised by how well-kept the ship was; apart from a few minor scratches, it was in peak condition.

 After inspecting the cockpit, she looked at the wings. The design of this TIE was aggressive and gave off a sense of power. The perfect ship for Kylo Ren, she thought to herself.

After that, the blonde engineer came over to let her know her hour was up. She thanked him and wrote a report; she left the hangar when she finished.

"Ah, look. Princess is back." A man with tanned skin and messy black hair spoke from his seat in the special forces lounge.

"Shut it, Cal. Where's the boss?" Y/n said sharply, ignoring the teasing from her squadron mates. "In his office like always." The man, Cal, replied. Y/n gave him a nod and then walked to the big red door in the back of the lounge. She opened the door, and as it slid up, she saw a figure clad In red armor.

 "Major. Do you have a moment?" Her voice was calm, but there was a tinge of anxiety.

"Of course, Come in." She did; the Major asked her to sit across from his desk. "What seems to be the matter?" He asked as he sat in his chair. Y/n fiddled with the hem of her captain's uniform,

 "I assume you're already aware of my temporary assignment. If I knew it would be approved, I would have asked your permission, Sir. I apologize for not doing so." A chuckle from the man before washed away the fear of punishment.

"If this assignment is to help the First Order succeed, then you have no reason to apologize. You're an expert when It comes to The TIE Starfighters. You have helped improve the ships tenfold. If you can do that here under my authority, then who am I to stop you." He spoke as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

"Of course, Thank you, Sir." She stood as he dismissed her.

The three Pilots who Y/n was closest to were all standing by the door when she exited.

 "You know these rooms are sound proof right?" the group shrugged; a taller woman in a tightfitting First Order undershirt and a pair of mechanics pants laid her hand on Y/n's shoulder.

"So...You're Inspecting Kylo Ren's ship? What's it like? Is it falling apart on the inside?" She joked,

"Miya! You Knew whose ship it was!?" Y/n asked, surprised.

"Uh. Yeah, Y/n. He's currently the only high-ranking officer who has a TIE Silencer." As they spoke, the door that Y/n was standing in front of opened, and the man in red spoke up,

"What are you all doing standing around? Don't you have work to do?" He asked, his voice stern but softened when he spoke to Y/n. "Don't you have a meeting with Phasma soon?" Y/n was startled by the realization and looked at her watch.

"Oh shoot. You're right. Okay, gotta go. Thank you for the reminder, Sir." she nodded to everyone and left the lounge room.

On her way to the conference room, she stopped by her quarters to grab her First Order mandatory captain's cap. She'd prefer not to get scolded by Hux for Improper military etiquette again. As she arrived at the conference room, she recognized the shiny platinum build

"Capitan Phasma," Y/n greeted formally. Phasma responded with a tort nod. Y/n liked to believe that she and Phasma were on good terms, Captains don't usually get along, but from the few conversations she's had with her, she knows Phasma, at the most, tolerates her.

"Are we early?" Y/n spoke up, her voice barely above a whisper, and Phasma looked down at her, nodding her head.

"There is one more person we're waiting for, H-"

"Hux...Fantastic." Y/n said dryly, Y/n had never been the military type, but she erased All expression from her face and stood at attention when she heard the annoyingly noticeable footsteps of General Armitage Hux.

"Capitans." He said with the same disdain he always used for anyone below him.

 "General." The women said in sync.

 Hux entered the conference room, and the two women followed after. The meeting started with the standard formalities and questions about Phasma's troopers and Y/n's new squadron, which she was teaching.

"Capitan Sienor, One more thing has been added to your new assignment. Kylo Ren has requested that he spectate the inspections on his ship. He will be joining you every hour for the next week." Shock snuck up onto Y/n's face, but it left as soon as it came.

 "Yes, Sir." She tightened her fists that were sitting in her lap. Phasma and Hux spoke some more, and the time seemed to fly by. When the meeting was over, they followed the same routine as when they came in: Hux, Phasma, and Y/n.

 It felt like there was a heavy weight now placed on Y/n's shoulders as she walked back to her quarters; she hadn't noticed the heavy footsteps behind her, and the daze she was in only seemed to snap away once she realized someone had placed their hand on her shoulder when she turned around she stared at the platinum giant with a forced smile.

"How can I help you, Capitan?"

"I need to speak with you. Do you have a moment?"

This behavior from Phasma would be very out of character to anyone who wasn't Y/n. They had lengthy conversations about work almost every two weeks if something was irritating them and they needed to let off some steam.

"Oh, Yeah. Of course. Come in," Y/n spoke as she walked to her door and opened it. Y/n offered Phasma a seat as she grabbed herself a glass of water.

"So, To what do I owe this visit?" She asked as she sat across from Phasma.

 "I know how you feel about Kylo Ren. I could sense your unease earlier; I want you to be extra cautious. You're a good leader; losing you would be a shame because of him and his temper tantrums." Phasma spoke easily as if she were speaking to one of her troopers. Had she not realized she had just said one of the kindest things Y/n had ever heard from anyone since she joined the first order?

Their conversation lasted about ten minutes before Phasma left; when the door closed, Y/n sighed. It was close to dinner time, and she took a quick shower before heading to the cafeteria.

"Y/n!" A voice called out to her as she entered the large room

"Callisto." she responded dryly, shrugging off the arm that was placed around her shoulders.

"Aw, come on. Don't be like that. Is this about me teasing you earlier? Because if it was, I hope you know I wasn't trying to hurt you. I'm sorry if I did-" He was cut off by Y/n placing her pointer finger against his lips, shutting him up

" You talk too much. And no, it has nothing to do with your teasing. I got used to that years ago." removing her hand from his face, she turned away and went to grab food. Hopefully, she tried to escape him, but he followed her like a lost pup.

 "What is it then? You know you can talk to me." He assured.

Callisto was a nice-ish guy, but he could be very annoying if he wanted to, so it was best to give him what he wanted.

"My new assignment isn't going to be as fun as I originally thought," Y/n sighed as she filled her plate and made her way to a seat, Cal mirroring her and sitting across from her.

"Originally thought what?" The gentle voice of Miya graced the small group's ears as she sat down next to Y/n.

"My assignment." Y/n tried her best to avoid this conversation, but her friends were persistent.

"Yeah? What about it?" Miya asked.

"Kylo Ren is spectating her investigations." A deep voice and strong figure appeared next to Cal.

"Shit! Ian. Where do you even come from!?" Cal cursed, startled by their soft-spoken friend.

"Of course, you'd know Killian." Miya rolled her eyes,

Killian knew a lot of dirt on a lot of people. Let's just say if you have a secret...He knows it.

"Teachers Pet." Y/n spat annoyedly,

"Princess." Killian replied in the same tone.

"Wait- So, really? Kylo Ren is spectating your investigations? Why?" Cal asked, stuffing his face with food.

"I don't know...Maybe he's worried I'll break something?" Y/n's tone was defeated, she did the best she could to stay as far away as possible from Kylo Ren, and now she has to spend an hour a day with him for the next week.

"I heard some of the techs say he looked you up," Killian spoke up

"Looked me up?"

"Yeah, You know. Like where you came from, How long you've been with the First Order, and your skill set."

 The look Y/n had given Killian was one full of disbelief.

"You're kidding me. Why the Hell would he need to know all that about her?" Miya asks, after being silent for the most part of the conversation.

"How should I know? I don't know everything, Miya."

"Well, you sure damn well act like it." The two bickered like an old married couple sometimes.

"Guys. Knock it off. Let's try not to draw attention to ourselves, please." Y/n spoke up as she slid her plate in front of her before standing from her seat.

 "Where are you going?" Cal asked, gently grabbing her wrist; she looked down and sighed.

"I gotta report to the Chief Engineer before the end of my shift."

"Okay, Just take it easy," he said as he squeezed her wrist before letting her go.

"She's gonna be alright, right?" Y/n heard Cal ask the group; she assumed that both Miya and Killian just shrugged since neither responded.

Taking a deep breath, Y/n knocked on the door to the Chief Engineers' Office, The door opened, and a small, frail-looking older woman stood in the doorway.

 "You must be Capitan Sienar. I'm Chief Engineer Kesta; Kylo Ren was just telling me the details of your temporary assignment-" The woman was still talking, but Y/n had zoned her out as she stared at the large frame of Kylo Ren; he stared out the transparasteel window that looked over the hangar.How had I not realized his presence before? Why was he here? He never said he'd be here, too; what in the world is happening?- Her panicked thoughts were cut short when Kesta waved her hand in front of her face.

"Hello? Captain? Are you listening?"

"Hm..? Oh, Yes, sorry. Long day" Y/n said with an apologetic smile.

 "Yes...I understand; why don't you come in and give me your report so you can clock out as soon as possible." The older woman held out her arm as she welcomed Y/n into the room. "You can take a seat if you'd like," She offered, but Y/n shook her head, doing her best to ignore the gaze she could feel drilling into the back of her skull.

 "I'd prefer to stand." She said softly; the woman nodded, and Y/n began her report.

Halfway through, she was interrupted by the voice that always sent a shiver down her spine.

"Why are you so curious about this TIE model?" The voice asked; it was closer than she thought it'd be, and in her surprise, she spun around quickly, only to be met with Kylo Ren mere inches away. If she wasn't scared before, she definitely was now.

She swallowed harshly before she answered,

"L-Like I said before, Sir. I was only able to test fly one, and years before, when I worked closely with my father; he used to let me study the new Model TIE. This is currently the only Model I haven't studied." She kept her explanation as short as possible.

"Your Father had to pull a lot of strings to get you this opportunity. What make's you think you deserve it?" He asked; Y/n was practically screaming to leave. This interrogation was becoming a bit much for her liking.

"Because I'm a good engineer, Sir. And I'm also a Pilot. If I can possibly help the first order in making more advanced starfighters in the future, I'd like to do my part." a false sense of confidence flowed through her as she spoke, hoping to mask any anxiety that was trying to seep through her voice.

"Tomorrow, you will show me how to reprogram the flight computer."

"Yes, Sir- Wait...Is something wrong with it? The fight controls were specifically made for you, I assume. Did they mess something up?" Y/n's fear and anxiety were forgotten when her brain started to work out possible scenarios,

"No. I want to see if you can take something apart and put it back together again perfectly as your reputation precedes you." Y/n gawked at him in disbelief. He wanted her to completely erase his specific fight controls and reprogram them to be exactly how it was before. Was he crazy!? She had no idea what his specifications were or how he preferred the distance of the controls. This was a big task with little to no information; He was setting her up to fail.

"With all due respect, Sir. I wouldn't be able to complete that task successfully in an hour."

 A low hum came from the man in front of her. "And why's that?"

Was he stupid? He couldn't be; he was doing this on purpose. He's testing me. She thought. "Because Sir. I have no prior experience with your specific flight controls. I would need at least two hours or maybe even three to become familiar with them, let alone memorize them enough to reprogram them."

 "I see." a tense silence filled the air, Kylo turned away from her and walked back to the window. Y/n looked over her shoulder to see that Kesta was no longer in sight; she must have booked it out of there. Yeah, me too. She admitted, wishing she could do the same.

 "I'll give you the next three days to study my fight controls; on the fifth day, you will reprogram it." He paused as he turned back towards her. "The last two days, you will be free to study the ship as you please without my spectating. But. Only if you reprogram the controls to their original state or there will be consequences. Do you understand?" His voice roared deeply in that dull distorted tone it always had. But somehow, this time was different. It sparked something warm and unfamiliar deep in the pit of her stomach. Was it terror?

Holy Shit. He's actually crazy.

There were a million different possibilities; a lot of programming and engineering goes into customizing flight controls. In the past, all...Or most TIE Starfighters were programmed the same way, so you only really needed to learn how to fly one to fly any version. But the TIE Silencer was customized to its test pilots' specific comfortability with the controls. Y/n's was even programmed when she test flown it. And she's only got three hours in three days.

She inhaled sharply, anxiety striking her like a sword. She dug her nails into her palms as she shut her eyes quickly. This might not seem like much to most people, but to Y/n, it was one of the worst things that could happen in her career. Was studying this dang ship that important? Could she back out now?

"Capitan." the low distorted voice echoed in the room, and Y/n looked up at him. Her eyes were glossed over, and her shoulders were tense. She knew the consequences of what would happen if she somehow failed this assignment; it had all been too good to be true.

"Y-yes, Sir. I understand." Her fists were shaking as she mustered the strength to keep herself calm.

"Good. You are dismissed." Once those words left him, y/n had turned around and went as calmly as possible before rushing back to her room.

Y/n's room was connected to the S.F.'s Lounge, so when she walked in, Miya, Cal, and Killian had all been relaxing from the end of their shifts. Cal and Maya were playing a card game, and Ian was going over field reports on the couch.

"Hey, She's back," Cal said when he noticed the door open, his tone cheerful.

"Oh good, I was getting worried," Miya spoke, standing up to walk over to Y/n.

"No, you weren't," Killian mumbled under his breath; as Miya got closer, Y/n took a step back.

"Hey, Are you alright? Did something happen?" Concern laced her voice which caught the attention of the men.

"N-No. I'm fine, Miya. Just tired. I'd really like to head to bed." she tried stepping around her, but Cal stepped in front of her blocking her path.

"You're not fine. You look like someone just told you your pet died or something." Y/n shook her head at his response.

"It's about Kylo Ren. No one makes her anxious like he does." Killian spoke up from his spot on the couch.

 "Come on, Talk to us like you always do. You always have something to say." Cal tried to encourage her, but she shook her head. She was close to crying when he tilted his head to look into her eyes. That had never happened before; she's always been so strong. This threw him off, guard.

 "Did he hurt you?" Cal asked quickly. Miya looked at him like his head had grown ten sizes.

"Why'd you ask that, Cal?" She asked. Y/n bit her lip as she looked at Cal, begging him with her eyes not to say anything, but he didn't get it.

 "She looks like she's about to cry..." he said softly, looking up at Miya.

 "Y/n/n, What happened? I swear if he put his hands on you-" The taller woman threatened

"No. Guys. It's fine. This assignment just turns out to be my guillotine, and Kylo Ren is my executioner." She spoke softly; the small group looked at her, both confused and concerned.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ian asked. Y/n sighed and walked over to the couch, plopping down on it and allowing it to take away her stress.

"Kylo Ren has decided to test my intelligence on TIE Fighters."

"Okay?" Miya asked as she pulled a chair from a nearby table, and Cal leaned against the wall.

"You know how TIE Silencers were all programmed to their specific Pilots?" The group nodded, allowing her to continue.

 "Well. He wants me to memorize his specific flight controls, erase them, and reprogram them perfectly to the last detail. I only have three days, which- before you ask, yes. That's technically only three hours. The day after, I will have to reprogram it. If I do it correctly, he will allow me to study the TIE without his spectating for the last two days." Y/n heaved a heavy sigh, relaxing on the couch.

 "What are you so worried about?" Ian asked, turning his head to look at her

 "Yeah, I mean, come on, Y/n. You're probably the only person, minus your father, who knows the most about TIE Fighters. This should be a breeze for you." Cal spoke, pushing himself off the wall and sitting on the floor in front of her.

"I had maybe an hour or less to become familiar with my own specified flight controls, which was one of the most difficult things I've done to date. He expects me to memorize his and then Perfectly replicate it!?" She sat up, fear replaced with irritation and anger. "Do you know what could-Will happen if I manage to get ONE thing wrong!? I'd be killed for sure, Or worse. Fired." She threw her arms up in the air, then crossed them over her chest. "He's absolutely horrible." She hissed out and stood up. "I'm going to bed."

 No one dared to stop her; they knew the weight on her shoulders was heavy; they just wished she wouldn't carry it all on her own.

Stepping into her room, she sighed for the umpteenth time. She walked over to her bathroom mirror. She barely recognized herself; the stress in her eyes was deep, and her shoulders were slumped defeatedly. All this from one day? Ignoring it, she stripped and stepped into the shower, hoping to wash it away.

 As the hot water relaxed her muscles, she recalled how this day had started.

 "Y/n, I'm not sure this is a good idea. I know you've wanted to study this ship, but is it really appropriate to do it on a First Order base?" Her father asked,

"I'm sure it'd be fine; it's not like I'm going to steal it or mess with the controls." She spoke, trying her best to persuade her father.

"Alright. I'll see what I can do. BUT. These people are our best customers. If they say yes, you must obey any rules they may set. You'll be representing not only yourself but also me and my company. Do you understand?" His voice faded out; she could no longer remember the rest of the conversation.

 Too much happened today, she thought as she leaned back against the shower wall.

"Did it count if the rules meant life or death?" She asked herself. After the shower, she changed and lay down on her bed.

She prayed to anyone who was listening that tomorrow would never come.

#writing #writers on tumblr #fanfic #reader insert #kylo ren x reader #kylo x reader #kylo ren x f! reader #kylo ren x you #kylo ren #ben solo #star wars fanfiction #star wars

[dumbsoftheart]

erysichthon’s punishment, 2

pairing: eater!peter parker x f!eater!reader

tags: dead dove, do not eat: themes of cannibalism, violence, 18+ only, eventual smut, angstttt, blonde peter parker, drug use, mentions of panic attacks, swearing, manipulation, lots of mentions of blood, so much yearning its painful

summary: “i want you to eat me, angel, bones and all” two young cannibals meet in the midwest, fall in love, find struggles along the way.

notes: oh these two losers are hopeless!

word count: 4.8k

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peter had no intention of adding a member to his solo-party when he woke up that morning. solitude suited him; it was a choice he made and told himself that it made his life easier, bearable. he’d given up on trying to establish himself within society when he was 13. his aunt and uncle were oblivious to his condition- he learned quickly when he was 5 that something was deeply wrong with him after a particularly bad fight on his school’s playground. he didn't like to ruminate on the memories. it brought back that painstaking feeling he felt when he was 15, watching his uncle ben console his aunt may in a mess of tears and distress. he figured it was best to leave, before he hurt someone. he couldn’t live with himself if he hurt them.

he left his home with little to nothing: a few clothes, his dads glasses, a token from his mother, a picture of his aunt and uncle- and taken the first train out of new york, whatever was cheapest. he can't recall what state he had ended up in, too busy fighting tears as he beat himself up for the curse of depravation that knawed at him constantly. he was tantalus, ostracised into an eternity of thirst and hunger because of the selfishness than ran deep in his psyche. he’d pick fights with men twice his size often, at that age, knowing he’d lose. it was a tumultuous mix of self-inflicted punishment, desperate need for penance for causing pain to those he loved, for abandoning without a trace; for indulging, for the first time in his life, in his most shameful desires. 

his first time, he was in georgia. it was his birthday. he’d managed to make some pocket money working for an old couple and their granddaughter tending to household chores and yardwork. it was so much different than his life back home, the quiet midwestern landscape made him long for the neverending hustle and bustle he had grown familiar to. the couple reminded him of his uncle ben and aunt may, and while he found it painful, he liked to imagine that they were his aunt and uncle, living a happy life and raising a happy, normal child. he’d never get too close to them, only watch them from afar as he completed his work, and he’d fantasise that it was him they were eating lunch and playing games with. they never seemed to question where he had come from, or how he always found time for work, never in school- and a deep part of him wanted them to care. to pick and prod for answers he didn’t want to give, so he could bask in the nagging and questioning as if it were his beloved guardians pestering him out of love. he wanted to feel like a boy again.

peter hadn’t been a boy anymore for a while, his escape forced him to mature faster than he probably should have. he’d forced himself into the idea that he was now a man, and there was no escaping in; no indulging in childlike pleasures or wonder. he was now in the real world, alone, and he found no time for it. things that made him feel callow and juvenile peeved him, and he avoided it at all costs. he didnt have a home, unlike what he told his employers. he lived near a dumpster, with a makeshift home founded with tattered old clothes he’d stolen off of clotheslines, hidden craftily from sight for when it got dark enough. sometimes, on the weekends, when drunks and addicts would find their way down the alley he’d nested in, he’d cry silently, praying to whatever god there was that they’d leave quickly, and he’d remain hidden. that evening, he walked home with an abnormally hefty bonus, an undeserving birthday gift he’d been given before leaving his work- when he was pulled aside by a scarily thin and sunken girl. she was older than him, no doubt, about 19, and she made an excited effort to pull him aside with the promise of a surprise he couldn't miss, whisking him away before he could answer. when she’d brought him down an unfamiliar alleyway, he fought the urge to throw up. 

it was dark, save for the old and dim flashlight the girl carried with her. it smelled of rotten meat and sewage. hidden under a pile of old blankets and quilts, she uncovered the body of a man, couldn't have been older than 35. pieces of his abdomen, shoulders, neck, and legs were amiss, hacked away carelessly by a dull knife. what had really disturbed peter was that the man was still alive; breathing shakily, pale and sweaty. his once clean and well fitted suit had been shredded in various areas, carelessly torn at and blood stained. he couldn't speak, no doubt from the pain he was in. some of his wounds seemed much older than the others. 

“he’s about to die. normally we’d eat as much of them as we can when they’re fresh, but i’m livin’ on what i've got left. he wasn't a good person, if it makes you feel better.”

peter was sick. he’d tried to run away, but she stopped him. what shook him the most was how eerily kind the girl was, as if she was earnestly trying to help him. you need to feed, is what she had told him as she cut away at his chest, handing him a bloodied chunk of dirty flesh and muscle. he couldn't find it in him to do it, staring at the pleading man as life drained from his eyes. he couldn’t do it, no matter how delicious he smelled, the man's sweet red ambrosia dripping down his fingertips. it was like it was taunting him, the way it slipped through his fingers and onto the hard pavement. eventually, the girl guided the piece of meat into peter's mouth, urging him to ignore his internal protests and just chew. 

now, he was about the same age as the girl- charlotte, her name was. he couldn’t forget her. he blamed her for the person he’d become: a guiltless, ravenous, murderous monster. he’d only actually killed a few people with his own hands a scattered amount of times; out of desperation and famine, yet he remained unyielding at the prospect that he was cold-blooded murderer. he hated her, almost as much as he hated himself. she was the serpent, and he was eve; leading him towards temptation. the irony wasn’t lost on him, that now he was the serpent, and the girl next to him in his stolen green ford was now his eve. he’d regretted the words as soon as he said it. i can help you. it left his mouth before he could think, too busy thinking of a way to get her to stay by his side a little longer. she was beautiful, no doubt, but she possessed a certain innocence that peter felt he needed in his life. he convinced himself that in doing this he wouldn't be robbing her of that innocence, but instead he could learn from it. he wanted to get drunk off it, its rarity was intoxicating to him. if she was his last drink of water, he’d savour it; worship it, do everything in his power to keep it as pure and fresh for as long as he can. help, he had said. how, in the already cruel and messed up world they lived in, could he justify this as help? it upset him how his notion of helping her was ultimately exposing her to the same state of self-loathing and hatred that he harboured. 

angel, he called her. she was still adamant on not giving him her real name, and he decided he didn't care. it was easier that way. easier for him to mould her into what he craved. he could pick apart everything he eventually learned about her, and paste it onto the girl he wanted her to be- what he wished he could have with her. he looked at her, her hair whipping in the wind as she rested her chin on the window, her knees tucked into her chest. he could just barely hear her humming foreign melodies under her breath, and in the rear-view mirror he watched her eyes childishly dart back and forth across the empty landscape they sped through. he yearned to connect with her. he wanted to bridge the gap between them, to engage in honest conversation without the weight of what he was about to do crushing him. he almost wanted to turn the car around and drop her off at the nearest train station, apologise for the inconvenience, and bid goodbye. the voice in his head nagged at him to let the dove free, and just hold onto the memory of it. 

she spoke first, “i don't want to hurt anybody.”  it pained him. he cursed at himself for feeling attached to her, or giving a shit about her feelings. what was it to him? he didn't know her- hell, he couldn't even get her to give him her name. he scoffed at himself, and she turned to look at him with quizzical eyes, her lips pressed together as if deciding whether or not the action was laced with malice. he kept his eyes on the road, unable to look at her. “famous last words.” 

she let out a humourless laugh, turning back to the world outside her window. he wanted to apologise. for what, he wasn't sure of yet. for changing her life forever, maybe. or maybe for acting so cold despite his previous kindness. truth was, he felt shy now. he was always quick with witty remarks and jokes, but he found he failed at reaching out to people, a consequence of his solitude. he opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it. his mental turmoil was clearly getting to him, as he considered just taking her someplace else, saving his ‘lessons’ for another night. 

“i won't force you to do anything you don't want to,” he finally spoke. she hummed in response, turning to kick up heer feet on the dashboard, elbow resting on the console and nestling her head onto her palm. they seemed to have been driving a while, and she wondered where he was taking her. she was nervous, to put it lightly. she had a vague idea of what he meant when he said he’d help her, but she didn't want to think about it much. she tried to put her mind on autopilot, instead focusing on the vast expanse of land before her. she counted cows, sheep, stray dogs, and made up songs in her head. the one thing she couldn't shake off her mind, however, was his smell. she understood now what he meant when he said he could smell her. it was a warm, musky scent. different from anything she’d ever smelt before. she silently basked in it, relishing its comfort. one of her own. someone who understood her. it was rare, and she welcomed the feeling. she kept her eyes on the road now, mimicking him. in the corner of her eye, she saw his slender fingers drum on the steering wheel anxiously, making a turn into the driveway of a small, white house. the porch was old and rotting away, stray pieces of plywood laziness hammered on to hide the mess suggested it was falling apart- but it seemed homely, if not abandoned. he turned the car off and stepped out.

“stay here,” he ordered. not rough, more like a gentle warning. she watched him saunter off towards the front door, flinching at how loudly he’d knocked. a tall, scruff man greeted him, and he didn't seem very happy to see the lanky boy at his doorstep. he began to yell, grabbing peter by the collar of his shirt and shaking him violently. she felt herself shrink into her carseat, fear enveloping her senses. she worried that by accepting peters offer she’d somehow put him in some kind of danger, and she didn’t want to find out what would happen had the man discovered she was with him. she couldn't make out exactly what they were saying, but she caught a glimpse of that same mischievous smile from earlier as peter slipped his way into the house. 

too much time passed, and she grew worried. she also noted how much quieter the house seemed, and she began to panic, the reality of what was happening finally dawning on her. she hurriedly climbed out of the truck, scrambling her way to the door. with balled fists at her sides, she called peters name. no response. then, shouting- and then a pained scream from the man from before, followed by a loud tumble and a harsh crack against the hardwood floor. she twisted the doorknob before she could think about it, and as she swung the door open she bit back a scream. 

peter was standing at the top of the stairs, fists clenched and spattered with blood. he looked as if he’d taken a few nasty hits to his face, his cheek oozing slightly with a bruised gnash that met his jawline.

“what did you do?” her eyes were wide with horror, shaking as she shut the door behind her and kneeled beside the man on the floor. there was blood, so much blood, pooling from behind his head and bubbling out of his mouth with choked gasps. she looked up at peter who was now crouched beside her, eyes dark and unreadable. he chewed on the inside of his cheek before standing up, keeping his gaze on the man on the floor.

“owed me money. bastard was too drunk or high to make it down the stairs properly.”

was that what he was going with? she felt rage bubble up inside of her, but she couldn’t find a justification for it. she knew exactly what was going to happen. she knew exactly what peter was going to train her to become. and yet, she had a shred of hope that it would be less heartless, even if she didn't exactly know how. she shook her head, standing up to meet him. they stared at each other intensely, his jaw ticking and her teeth clenched. 

“i didn’t push him.” 

“like thats believable.”

a beat, and then he turned towards the kitchen, “i didn’t”. she felt her eyes well up with tears, trying to ignore the gargling sound coming from the man on the floor behind her. she heard the tap turn on, and then water rush as peter washed his hands, hissing at the stings from the scratches and bruises that began to form on him. he turned to face her again, and crossed his arms as he pointed his chin at the dying man before them, 

“go on.”

the tears began to fall then, and his face softened. he made his way towards her, gently bringing her down to the floor onto her knees. she couldn't stop crying, and he felt guilt swell in his chest. he knew it wouldn't be easy for her, and he hated that he was ultimately the reason for her crying. 

she shook her head violently, “i cant.” the choked words were small in her throat, and he heard him sigh next to her. at that moment, he regretted everything that lead him up to this point. he watched the shaking girl reach for the man, taking his face in her hands and whisper sobs of apology. peter climbed over to the opposite side of her, and reached to close his eyes. her eyes squeezed shut, as if to shield herself from what she anticipated was his next move. she felt as if she was going to pass out. the smell of blood was calling to her, and she pushed away her desire to bend over and taste the metallic liquid that now seeped onto her baby-blue dress. she heard the gorey sound of flesh ripping, and she sobbed harder. peter was next to her, now. she could smell him, and it mixed with the smell of the blood in a way that was all too overcoming. she felt him pull her down onto his lap, cooing in her ear and soothing her. when she looked at him, his face was dripping with blood, and she fought back the way it made her want to scream and kick her way out of his loose grasp. she wanted to hurt peter for hurting this man- it didn't matter to her what he may have done to him, but she knew that her brain simply couldn't process the truth behind what was happening before her, and her only sense of respite required her to push the blame onto someone; even if the blame was partially on her. bloodied hands caressed her head, and she watched as the other presented a large, meaty chunky of muscle. she shook her head again, her breath quickening. 

“just eat, angel. dont think about it. just eat.”

he urged the piece of flesh towards her mouth and she clutched her chest as she felt her sobs wrack her body once again. the way he whispered it softly in her ear, and his small breaths down her neck- his smell mingling with the aroma that radiated off the lump off flesh in front of her- it begged her to shove down any moral compass she had and feast. she wanted more than anything in that moment to let go and indulge in what was being offered to her. she heard quiet sniffles behind her, and she inhaled deeply as she tried to regain her composure, wailing quietly in peters arms. 

peter felt like the worst person in the world. as he sat there, cradling her frail body, all he saw was himself. he had now become the serpent, urging his eve to take a bite into the forbidden fruit. he’d become the person he hated the most, now, and the thought of it broke him. he tried to keep himself quiet, for her sake, whispering into her hair what he knew to be true. 

you’ll feel better, angel, i promise. just eat. i promise it’s okay. 

he watched her open her mouth ever so slightly, and he moved the meat closer. she bit through the muscle in tears, the salt wetness sliding down peters hands and washing away small fragments of blood along with it. she had never felt more conflicted. finally, she had satiated that undying hunger within her, and it felt so good. she almost moaned with the relief of it, savouring the way the blood trickled down her neck and gushed over her cheeks. her head spun- peter whispering words of praise behind her only made the moment feel more relieving. it’s okay, he chanted, and it really did make her feel okay. in those two words, she understood everything he was struggling to tell her. it’s okay, i understand. i know how it hurts and feels so good. 

he pulled her up with him, his fingers lingering on hers for a moment too long. she looked up at him, eyes glassy and red. he cradled her face and urged her to keep going. 

and she did. 

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“you should go shower. i’ll deal with this.”

he had locked all the doors, lead her upstairs into the empty bedroom and laid out a large shirt and a pair of jean shorts he’d found in the closet. she didn't dare question who they might belong to, knowing that it would ruin her again. the room was small, disgustingly brown, and reeked of weed and cigarettes. there was no semblance of belonging or personality to it- it felt as if the person who has inhabited it only rotted away in it their whole life. 

she stood watching herself in front of the full length mirror next to the bed. she’d stripped, left only in her cotton underwear and her bra. her fingers fell to her lips, tracing the stream of blood that led down her neck, shoulders, and in between the valley of her breasts. she dragged her nail down her abdomen and stopped at her bellybutton, admiring the way the blood that stained her skin complimented her so well. by now, she’d simply come to terms with it. she had known it all along. her father knew it, she knew it, and she could no longer hide from it. she thought about peter, and how gentle he had been with her. there was a mutual understanding between the two that they both hated this part of themselves, but he made her feel better about coming to terms with it. when she watched him feed with her, she noted how careful he was. she could sense a hint of shame in the way he went about it, despite the way he wiped his mouth unabashedly on the collar of his cotton shirt. 

a small part of her found it attractive. 

she heard a small cough come from the doorway behind her, and she turned quickly. peter seemed unphased by her near-nakedness, but she couldn't see how it woke something within him. she was truly beautiful, he thought, and it took every bit of strength in him to keep his eyes off of her body and meet her gaze. he was shirtless, and covered in blood, and she felt her breath hitch slightly at the sight. 

“if you wont shower, i will. you can have the bed, i’ll take the couch,” he turned towards the bathroom quickly, and she turned her gaze back to herself as she tried to ignore the sound of the shower running and the way she could see a sliver of his body through the crack of the door in the mirror, the way his muscles flexed and relaxed. she could see the litter of scars and bruises on his stomach, and part of her ached to tend to them. she busied herself by attempting to scrub off the blood on her arms in the bathroom she found a room over, waiting for him to finish so she could feel like she could breathe again, and sort herself out. she refused to think about what she had done before, instead focusing on the quiet breeze outside and faint chirping of birds. she wanted to cry again, and she wasn't sure as to why. she’d spent an ample amount of time scrubbing the red off of her arms, now focused on the dried substance clinging to her cuticles. she picked at them desperately, sniffling as she did so. it wouldn't go away, and she felt hopeless. 

she thought about her mother, and whether or not she knew of her daughter's ailment, and if that is what had driven her insane. she remembered the way she’d scream at her over the most trivial things when she was little, the way she’d pick at her fingers until they’d bleed incessantly, and they’d rush her younger self out of the room as they cleaned the mess up. part of her longed to see her again. she needed to know if her mother was driven away by her, and not her father, or the inevitability of mental illness that ran in her family, unlike what he recounted. was she like her, perhaps? driven to madness by a hunger that can’t be settled? and if so, was that her inevitable fate? to be pulled into a world of insanity, locked away into a hospital in chains and sentenced to a life of self-reflection and loathing? she wasn't sure if she wanted to know. peter appeared behind her again, this time clean and dressed. she rushed past him and straight to the shower, aching to scrub her sins off of her flesh until she burned. 

peter ran a shaky hand through his faux-blonde locks. he wanted to speak to her, know what she was thinking, what she thought of him, but he couldn't figure out where to start. he’d never felt guilty about killing sacks of shit before, but he did now. not because he found an ounce of sympathy for the thieving crook, but because he worried the girl would see him differently now. a killer, even though he wasn't lying when he said he hadn't pushed the man down the stairs. he had a different plan entirely. he knew she didn't believe him, and it killed him inside. he had a need for her to see him as good. he knew she was good, he was convinced of it. a good natured, tender-hearted girl. a sweet girl, that he desperately wanted to find a home in. neither of them belonged in this world. he wanted to shelter her from it, keep her safe from anything that might distress her. he wanted her to want to find solace in him as much as he craved to find it in her. he waited until he heard the shower shut off and knocked at her door, waiting until she gave him permission before he entered. 

she looked impossibly small in the shirt he gave her, and the way her arms and face ached red from rubbing away at her skin with the rough washcloth made him want to hold her as he did before. he wanted to guide her into the bed, back pressed against his chest and let her fall asleep in his arms. he knew he couldn't. he didn't know what was happening to him, but he felt the inescapable desire to take care of her. he thought of his best friend harry, and how he’d ridicule him over the fact. him and harry couldn't be any more different, but he missed the boy nonetheless. he wondered if he could take her to meet him. 

she rubbed her arms self-consciously at the way he stared at her, and he cleared his throat awkwardly, “i’m, uh, gonna be downstairs, if you need anything, just let me know.” she only nodded. she hadn't said a word to him in over an hour, and even though she knew she wanted to speak to him, she didn't know about what. instead, she climbed into the bed and watched as he shut the door behind him. her legs drew up to her chest and she let her head fall onto her knees. lock the door, she thought. she had grown to trust him only a miniscule amount in their short amount of time together, but she knew she should go the extra mile just to be safe. she stood up slowly, making her way to the door. she stopped for a second, her fingers lingering on the lock. 

she didn't know that peter was on the opposite side of the door, fingers lightly pressed against the wood. his breathing was even, and his head fell in self-disappointment. a voice inside his head, a persistent whisper, urged him to break the barrier of silence between them. talk to her, it pleaded, yet he remained rooted where he stood in uncertainty, the weight of his unspoken thoughts fueling his inexplicable yearning for her. 

she picked at her fingers again, “i should talk to him,” backing away from the door ever so slightly as she pondered on the idea. she felt at a loss; simply too much had happened in too little time, and she felt exhaustion weigh down at her. she stood there for a while, feet shuffling with unease, and peter made his way downstairs. 

peter navigated the unfamiliar surroundings with a sense of disquietude. each step he took felt heavier, burdened by the weight of unresolved tensions. his thoughts circled back to the closed door upstairs, a metaphorical barrier he couldn't bring himself to cross. he wandered aimlessly in the dimly lit room, the desire to reach out, clashed with the fear of rejection, created an internal struggle that mirrored the one unfolding upstairs.

the sound of a creaking floorboard broke the silence. it was her, retreating to the bed. he paused, the echo of her steps reverberating in the quiet house. for a fleeting moment, he contemplated returning to her door, but he remained now sat on the couch, his leg bouncing with anxiety as he chewed at his fingernails. the distance between them felt immeasurable, each lost in their own labyrinth of thoughts and emotions. the longing for communication lingered, a silent plea that hung heavy in the air- and he felt suffocated. he gripped at his hair harshly, letting out a pained groan as he tried to ground himself and his emotions. he hated feeling so lost, it made him feel like a boy again. he hated that feeling. he thought about how he could open up the gap between them to talk to her, show that his intentions are that of kindness. 

he fell asleep with his body half-off the couch before he could come to a conclusion.

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@dumbsoftheart, 2023

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #bones and all #peter parker fic

[sweetrevxnge]

Like Phantoms, Forever

Chapter Seventeen | The Shadow of the Past

Pairing: Ben Solo x Reader

Summary: Your destiny had never been clear to you, only becoming so when it led you to leaving behind the life you knew to train with the galaxy's sole Jedi Master, Luke Skywalker. His Jedi Academy became your new home, bringing with it the promise of someday becoming a Jedi Knight. While navigating the ways of the Force, an inexplicable connection forms between you and a fellow student—the heir to the legendary Skywalker bloodline, Ben Solo. Together, the two of you must face your destinies and forge the path to your true selves.

What to expect: fluff, violence, sexual content, general angst, mentions/descriptions of injury and death

Additional info: this story is set in 28 ABY, six years prior to the events of TFA

*concurrently being published on AO3 and Wattpad as well!

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Word count: 3.6k

Chapter-specific CW: description of injury, pharmaceutical drugs, mentions of death, light ptsd

A/N: listen... I know I'm slow to update, but this chapter is hands down one of my favorite ones so far, so I needed it to be p e r f e c t. I also uploaded ch. 2 of my vampire!kylo fic, so there's a little extra something for you guys. enjoy!

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When you finally woke, the first thing you saw was the soft glow of the twin suns peaking over the horizon, spilling through the blinds and onto the infirmary floor. For a moment, there was peace. A piece of time filled with utter tranquility as you blinked the sleep away from your eyes.

But it passed. A haze fell over you, dulling your senses like an old knife as it carved into a bone. The clarity of your vision faltered, producing a double image of every item of furniture in the room. Various machines beeped around you, a constant, low drone in your ears. The white light of the overhead lamps seemed blinding to your sensitive eyes. 

Hanging beside you was a green bag, feeding into a translucent line that stopped in the crease of your elbow. Below the bag was a screen, flashing with words in Aurebesh that were too small for you to make out.

Yet, something else was missing. Something that had grown overly familiar to you in the past few days. There was no pain. No pounding in your head, or ache in your shoulder. It was gone, but not eliminated. It had only been buried, locked away deep inside of you, held back by the cocktail of chemicals coursing through you.

Over the drone of the monitors, you could faintly hear a hushed conversation, happening somewhere on the other side of the white curtain that separated your cot from the only other one in the infirmary. Though you couldn’t see them, you recognized the owners of the voices immediately.

“You understand my concerns though, don’t you?” Master Skywalker asked, exasperated.

“Yes, I do. But that’s exactly why we need to go together,” Ben said. “You said it yourself—it’s too risky to open up the Academy to the New Republic’s surveillance. For all we know, they’ve already been compromised. You can’t just leave everyone’s safety in their hands.”

“If what you said is true, then the Empire already knows where we are. Every second that passes is on borrowed time.” Though only a whisper, Master Skywalker’s irritation was clear.

The statement hung in the air. Guilt crashed into you like a tidal wave, pulling you under the surface. This entire mess was your fault. It was your father that had laced the food supply and endangered your peers, and though you had killed him, you didn’t feel victorious. Instead, all you felt was a gnawing pit in your stomach, slowly filling with shame and regret.

The gravity of your actions weighed on you, crushing your chest under its enormity. To wake from a nightmare and find that it had all been real. He was dead, either lying cold in an unmarked grave or reduced to ashes, locked away in a storage closet inside one of the many decaying Imperial bases scattered across the Outer Rim. Knowing that his blood coated your hands made you sick, but even now, you couldn’t be sure that it had been your hands. It was greater than that, an act fueled by something larger than yourself, a force more powerful than all of the suns in the galaxy.

You pinched your eyes shut, trying to ignore the memory as it played behind your lids. Ben’s voice served as an adequate distraction.

“And that’s why it’s crucial for you to stay here,” he said. “Master, I’m your most experienced student. I’ve spent nearly my entire life training to become a Jedi Knight. Let me prove to you that I’m worthy of that title.” His demand turned into a plea, beyond that of a pupil seeking approval from his mentor.

“I admire your spirit, Ben. I really do. And that is why I’m trusting you with the safety of my students.”

Disappointment sank through you. The exact scenario you had dreaded from the beginning was coming to fruition and you were powerless to stop it. As unfair as it was, Master Skywalker’s logic was sound—especially considering his prior suspicions of your close relationship with Ben. Nevertheless, your heart ached.

An unamused laugh rumbled in Ben’s chest. “Some responsibility that is. Protecting people who each have a lightsaber of their own, and enough sense to know how to use them correctly. I’m honored, really.”

“You misunderstand me–”

“No, I understand perfectly,” Ben hissed. “I’m capable enough to track her down halfway across the galaxy and bring her to safety, but not enough to take her on an authorized trip to Ilum—which as far as we know, has been deserted by all civilization for centuries–”

“How did you do it?” Master Skywalker interrupted.

“Do what?” Ben asked, his voice guarded.

“Exactly what you said. How you found her, trapped in an abandoned mining facility halfway across the galaxy. How did you do it?”

At that, you pried your eyes open again, watching their shadows move behind the curtain. You had asked him the same question and never received an answer.

Ben hesitated for a long moment before finally answering. “I’ve been having these…dreams.”

“Dreams?” Master Skywalker asked. “What kind of dreams?”

“It varies. Most of the time, the details are a blur. But other times, they’re vivid—almost real.”

“How so?”

Ben let out a shaky breath. “I’m not sure. All I know is that the night she was taken, just after I had fallen asleep, I had one. But this time, it felt less like a dream, and more like a vision.”

Despite Ben pausing for Master Skywalker’s response, he never received one. So, he filled the silence. “It felt like I was there, watching her get dragged out of her bed by Ren. But no matter how much I wanted to stop him, I was helpless. A bystander trapped inside my own mind.”

“And in this ‘dream’, you saw where they took her?” Master Skywalker’s question was equal parts cynical and weary.

“No,” Ben said. “I can’t really explain it, I just…” He paused, choosing his next words carefully. “Felt it.”

The ambiguity of his answer left you unsated, but seemingly was enough to conclude Master Skywalker’s interrogation. He was wise, more knowledgeable in the Force than you could ever wish to be. Perhaps all of this could be explained by the inexplicable ways of the Force—just like your connection with Ben. Mysteries best left unknown, you supposed.

“I sense that your feelings are clouded, Ben. I worry about you,” the Jedi Master said quietly.

Reluctantly, Ben replied, “There’s no need to.”

“These dreams you’re having are…unusual. Perhaps the Force is trying to warn you.”

“Warn me about what?” His tone was curt, more bold than yours would ever be when speaking to your Master.

You squirmed under the layers of blankets, suddenly uneasy about where this conversation was leading.

“Everything. The danger of forming attachments, the fear of loss. My own Master taught me these lessons—it’s only right that I pass them on to you.”

“That’s insane,” Ben scoffed, shifting his weight. “And I would’ve done the same for any of my classmates.”

“Really? You would’ve flown across the galaxy without my permission if, say, Voe had gone missing?”

The question must have struck a nerve, receiving no response from Ben. The vitriol for Voe that had been stowed away during the chaos quickly resurfaced, stronger than ever. You imagined what she would say if she knew the circumstances, that your father worked for the Empire this entire time. It was just the fuel she needed to turn your peers against you—once and for all.

A venomous feeling wrapped around your heart, sinking its claws deep into your flesh. Your pulse rose, and as it did, the machine recording each heartbeat grew louder, more rapid.

“Is that?” Ben asked in a hushed voice.

“She is awake,” 4-3B announced from the other end of the infirmary.

In the seconds that followed, you debated whether it was better to pretend that you were still sleeping, or give in and fully wake up. With little time to decide, you settled on a mix of both, inhaling deeply as you lazily rubbed the sleep from your eyes with the heel of your palms. As much as you would have liked for them to continue their conversation, you also knew that this was unavoidable—unless you could magically induce yourself into a coma.

Metal fingers wrapped around the white curtain as Master Skywalker pulled it back, revealing him and his nephew, both with unkempt hair and dark circles etched under their eyes.

“Hey kid, how are you feeling?” Master Skywalker asked, offering you a tender smile. 

Ben’s gentle, brown eyes landed on you instantly, scanning your face. Your cheeks burned under his gaze. Stars, you missed him. Close to you, holding you. But now wasn’t the time.

You cleared your throat. “I’ve been better,” you croaked, reaching for the pitcher of water beside you. Unfortunately for you, it was set on the table by your injured arm, the one that was still wrapped in bacta patches. Weakly, you gripped the handle of it, disappointed to find that the bacta treatments had only healed your bones—not your strength.

It took all your effort to raise the straw to your lips. Water spilled from the spout of the pitcher and onto your blankets, shocking your warm skin beneath. Before you dropped it, Ben’s hand clasped onto yours and steadily guided it to your lips.

“Thank you,” you said in a small voice, pinching the straw between your fingers and taking a few, long sips of the cold water.

Ben smiled and nodded in response before setting the pitcher down. “Let me get you a new blanket, too.”

“No, it’s okay. I already have too many as it is.” You managed a smile as you pinched the stack of fabric covering you.

“Since you arrived, your temperature has been below the normal parameters. In order for you to recover in a timely manner, I have placed multiple exothermic blankets on you and adjusted the heat settings in the infirmary,” 4-3B explained, shuffling over to your bed. It was holding a sleek, silver tray with an array of fresh bacta patches spread over it.

“I’m getting you a new blanket, whether you like it or not,” Ben said, already scouring the room for a fresh one.

“Any updates, Threebee?” Master Skywalker asked, peering at the new patches as the droid set them down on your table.

“By my calculations, as well as her impressive response to the initial bacta treatments, she should recover fully in the next week.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful!” he said, beaming at you. “As soon as you’re feeling up to it, you and Ben will go to Ilum. Now more than ever, you need a lightsaber that is attuned to you.”

You blinked. Did you mishear him? Or had he really changed his mind in the last five minutes? Behind Master Skywalker stood Ben, a smile ghosting his lips. You wondered if his heart was beating as fast as yours was.

Embarking on this journey seemed mundane in comparison to what you had survived. But despite the unknowns that laid ahead—particularly the looming threat of being hunted by the First Order—there was also anticipation, excitement. To experience adventure with Ben. A taste of the life that, for now, was not an option—and likely would never be. It was all you had ever wanted, and it was finally happening.

“Artoo will accompany you two in my place,” Master Skywalker added.

“What?” Ben said, returning with a folded blanket in his hands. “Does Geegee not meet your standards?”

“I hardly see how having two droids instead of one is a hindrance.”

Your eyes darted between the two men. “Excuse me, who’s Artoo?” you asked sheepishly.

“He’s my astromech unit,” Master Skywalker answered before looking at Ben. “And he will be going with you, or you won’t go at all.”

Ben shook his head in disbelief as he peeled the damp blanket back and draped the new one in its place. “Fine.”

Master Skywalker flashed a wry smile at his nephew before clearing his throat. “Now Ben, Threebee, if you both don’t mind, I’d like to speak with her. Alone.”

Ben’s eyes flicked between yours and Master Skywalker’s before he nodded reluctantly, turning his back to the both of you and letting the door slam shut behind him. You winced at the sound.

“Of course, Master. I will come back later,” the droid said, abandoning the tray of patches and hobbling behind the curtain, out of sight.

Ignoring his nephew’s rather dramatic exit, Master Skywalker pulled a chair closer to the bed and sat down, smoothing out the front of his robes. Blood thrummed in your ears and your head pounded as you propped yourself up on your elbows, biting down on your lip when you shifted your weight onto your injured arm. Whatever analgesic was infusing through the line was quickly neutralized when you started moving.

Swinging your legs over the edge of the bed, you faced him, avoiding his gaze. Without him saying a word, you already knew exactly what conversation would ensue.

The two of you were quiet for a moment, chests rising and falling with every breath, before he clasped his hands around yours, squeezing firmly. In the silence, his gray eyes spoke volumes, carrying a heavy weight.

“I cannot overstate how grateful I am for your safe return,” he said, his lips trembling as he pressed them into a tight line. “And I feel it’s necessary that I apologize.”

Your hand burned between his—not from discomfort, but rather from the contrast of heat against your cold skin. 4-3B had been right about your body temperature. The sensation made your condition seem real, less like clinical words being thrown around.

“You have nothing to apologize for, Master,” you said, shaking your head. “It wasn’t your fault. It was no one’s fault but my own.”

He sighed through his nose. “I was afraid you would say that.”

Taken aback, you remained quiet. It was the truth—all of this was your fault. If it weren’t for your lunatic father stalking you and wreaking havoc upon your life, you wouldn’t be in this situation, sitting across from your apologetic Master, heavily medicated in an infirmary. Truthfully, this was the best case scenario. No one else was hurt—excluding, of course, those who had impeded your efforts to get back to the Academy. But collateral damage was a consequence of war, which by the looks of it, was on the horizon. It was only a matter of time before the First Order resurfaced. Then, it would be your responsibility to help eliminate them, to snuff out the smoldering remains of the Empire.

Master Skywalker continued. “I failed to protect you—to protect all of my students. This is my burden to bear, not yours.” Releasing your hand, he leaned back, his knuckles white against the arms of the chair. “Lately, things have been…clouded. I can no longer rely on the Force alone for insight, but I will find other means to protect the Academy. I promise you this—from now on, you will be safe here. Always.”

You nodded in understanding. But there was more to the story, more that he didn’t know. Ben had only told him what he had seen—the rekindled power of the Empire. It was your responsibility to tell him what happened on Zeffo, admit to what you did. Sweat gathered in your palms at the memory of your father’s death, the image of him lying lifeless on the ground burned into your eyes. What would Master Skywalker think of you when he knew? Would this be the offense that broke the dam? Expulsion seemed like the best outcome of making this confession.

“Master, there’s something else you should know,” you said, afraid to raise your voice above a whisper.

His shoulders sagged. “I know. The Empire is rising again.” His defeat was tangible, as if he had single-handedly let down the entire galaxy. In fairness, you couldn’t imagine how he must have felt, given his role in destroying it nearly thirty years ago. A rebel with an unbreakable spirit, now forced to watch helplessly as insurgents breathed life back into the entity he had fought to dismantle. 

“Ben told me,” he sighed. “I’ve already contacted my sister in Republic City. The New Republic special forces will handle this.”

 “It’s not that—well, it is that, too. There’s more.” The words were heavy on your tongue, sticking like molasses. A tiny voice in your head reminded you that you were not obligated to tell him—you weren’t obligated to tell anyone. But the nagging feeling in your gut told you that honesty was the only path to inner peace. 

“The person responsible for this operation wasn’t just some Imperial zealot. It was my dad. My own father did this to me.”

Master Skywalker clenched and released his jaw, digesting the information. “That’s…” He paused. “Terrible.”

You nodded in agreement, unsure what to say. 

“I imagine that must have been very difficult to cope with,” he added.

“It was. My entire life changed in an instant, and honestly, I don’t really know if I’ll ever come to terms with it,” you said, swallowing the lump forming in your throat. Master Skywalker watched you from his seat, completely silent.

“But it doesn’t matter now. He’s dead.” You paused, hesitating one last time. “I killed him.”

A heavy silence fell over the room, making the air thick and difficult to breathe. You let out a shaky breath in relief. The burden was gone, but it was short-lived. Involuntary tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, burning your skin.

When he didn’t respond, you scrambled to articulate something to soften what you had just admitted. But what could you say? The Jedi were peacekeepers, protectors of the light—and more and more, you found yourself straying from its path.

“Master, I-I’m a monster,” you whispered, warm tears pouring over.

“What he did to you wasn’t right. Acting out of self-defense does not make you a monster,” he finally said, his voice calm.

You lowered your gaze to your hands, now resting in your lap. “Only I wasn’t acting in self-defense. When I asked him where my mother was, he admitted to murdering her. He compared her to a sick animal.” Blood boiled under your skin at the memory. “And when he said that, I wanted to hurt him—more than I’ve ever wanted to do anything. I wanted him to feel the way I did, how my mom felt when she died by his hand.”

With narrowed eyes, he stared at you, an inscrutable emotion written across his face. Not one of malice or disappointment, but something akin to curiosity.

Releasing a long breath, you added, “I wanted justice.”

“I can see why,” he said, resting his jaw on his metal hand. “The conflict you felt is…familiar to me.”

Of all the reactions you had anticipated, empathy was not one of them.

“It is?” you asked.

“Yes. Decades have passed now, but the feeling still lingers. The disappointment. The anguish.” His gaze was distant as he spoke, silently reliving his own experience.

“What did you do?” you asked. “I mean—what did you do to get rid of it?”

He drew in a long breath before exhaling with a renewed energy, his eyes brighter. “Time passed. Meditation helped me organize my thoughts, sort through my emotions before tucking them away in their designated spaces…” His thought trailed off into oblivion, but you didn’t want to intrude. He was being gracious enough by sharing at all.

“It was my father, too,” he said reluctantly. “The source of my conflict, my sorrow—it was him.”

His confession ignited hope in your chest, a hope that you, too, could be reprieved. 

“I won’t bore you with the details, but his actions could be categorized in a similar way as your father’s. Heinous acts, hurting the people he once loved…” He pressed a finger over his mouth in thought, twisting his peppered beard between his fingers. “For a long time, I blamed myself. I thought that if I had just known earlier, then somehow I could’ve stopped him. Put an end to his cruelty.”

“And did you?” you asked, lost in his story. “Were you able to stop him?”

He let out a soft sigh. “In a way, yes. But the darkness had its claws in him, and there was no absolution for him in this world. In the end, he taught me a lesson—one that I will carry with me forever. Just as you will, too.”

Admiration filled your chest. Throughout the galaxy, Luke Skywalker was a legend, a myth told by firesides and to children before they fell asleep. But he was alive—a living, breathing being with more adventures in his pocket than most would have in a lifetime. And here he was, in the flesh, relating to your experience.

“Master, teach me how to process these feelings. I need your guidance, now more than ever,” you pleaded, curling your fists around the blankets in your lap.

“And you will have it. But first, you need to rest. Strengthening your mind will require all of your energy—your body will need to be healed before you are able to,” he said, standing from his seat and placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. “Until then, try to find solace in knowing that, in their own ways, your parents are at peace.”

With that, he left, easing the door closed behind him. A calmness washed over you, drenching you in a radiant warmth, soaking through your skin and bones. Through the clouds came slivers of light—thin and feeble, but unyielding. A sunset falling beyond the horizon, only to give life to the stars glowing in the night sky.

This was the lesson. Without darkness, the light was impossible.

#I even managed to find a gif that has a heart monitor in the background I AM A GOD #ben solo #ben solo x reader #kylo ren #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x y/n #kylo ren x you #ben solo x fem!reader #ben solo x you #star wars #star wars fanfiction #star wars self insert #kylo ren smut #ben solo smut #my writing

[a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all]

If I Asked You to Stay, Would You? (Kylo Ren Drabble)

Fandom: Star Wars, Kylo Ren, f!reader

Word Count: 984

TW: Angst, Heartbreak

His lips brushing softly against your temple stirs you from your slumber. All the lights are still off and you can’t be sure what time it is, but he is awake and getting ready to leave and that is all that matters. As he begins to grab his mask and lightsaber from where he had left them next to the door, you whisper through the shadowy darkness, “Kylo…. You weren’t even going to say goodbye?”

You watch his shoulders sag as he sighs heavily before turning back to face you. Sitting up, you clutch the sheet close to your chest in an attempt to hide the quivering in your hand, but you are sure he notices. He always notices.

“I’m sorry, my love, but I didn’t want to wake you. I must go. The Supreme Leader was already expecting me back yesterday.” He walks over until he is standing next to the bed, but he still doesn’t reach out for you.

“Then what’s one more day? One more night? I hardly ever get to see you anymore and I can’t bear being away from you for so long. Surely even you could have run into trouble on the way back. Maybe you return with the heroic tale of your single-handed defeat of a battalion of Resistance fighters. Or how you had to take a longer route back to avoid a blockade.” You tug on his arm until he drops back down onto the bed. You wrap your arms around his neck and lean your head against his shoulder.

But he ignores your embrace, instead simply stating, “He would know it was a lie. I must go now. I’m sorry.”

“Kylo,” you release your hold on him and stare deep into his eyes as they seem to glow in the darkened room. “If I genuinely asked you to stay, would you?”

He tenderly cups your face in his hand. “My love, you know I would if I could. I would stay in this bed with you for the rest of eternity, but one does not keep the Supreme Leader waiting. I thought you understood that.” You nod softly. “And besides, we don’t want to make him suspicious. He can’t know about you.”

“I know. You’ve told me time and time again. If Snoke knew about me, he would use me against you, and that might mean he would hurt me or even kill me. And normally, I never fight you when you say you must leave, but this time feels different. Something feels wrong. Part of me thinks that if you walk out the door, I’ll never see you again.”

“That will never happen. I swear to you that I will return.” He takes your left hand in his and runs his fingers over the gold ring on your fourth finger. “That was the promise I made you when I gave you this. No matter what happens, I will always come back to you. Even if I have to fight through the entire First Order and the Rebellion to do so.”

You stare down at his fingers still caressing your ring. “And if Snoke did find out about me and ordered you to bring me to him, what would you do? Is your ambition really so great that you would turn me over to him?” He doesn’t respond. Instead, he gently slips his hand from yours as he stares at the floor, and it is all the answer you need. You turn to face the wall. “I see. Well, then I think you’re right and you should leave. Because it’s clear where your true loyalty lies.”

He tries to turn your face to look at him, but you shrug him off. “My love, I’m doing this for us. So we can have the life and future we have dreamed of. Once I am as great of a Sith as my grandfather before me, I will be able to give you anything. Protect you from anything, even Snoke.”

“But I have everything I want right here, right now.” You say as you fight back the tears threatening to fall. “And yet, you continue to rip it from my grasp every time.”

“I am sorry, but you will see how much better it will be once I take my rightful place. Then we can be together forever.” He places a soft kiss on your bare shoulder blade before rising from the bed.

Even as he gathers his belongings once more, you refuse to look at him. And as you hear the door slide open, he says, “I will return as soon as I am able. I love you.”

There is a pause as his words linger in the air waiting for a response. But you cannot give him one. Not this time. And it is only after the door slides shut once more and you know he is gone do you collapse to the bed in tears.

It is months before Kylo manages to slip away to see you again. So much had happened during that time, and now he is returning to you as the Supreme Leader after having defeated Snoke once and for all. Which means the two of you are safe and can finally live out of the shadow of danger. You can finally be together.

But from the moment the door slides open, Kylo can sense something is wrong in the darkened space. The place seems musty and unused. He switches on the lights and stumbles back in disbelief. Everything that made it your place had vanished. All your clothes, your gadgets, your personal effects. Gone. All except the gold ring left in the center of the table in front of him.

And as Kylo sinks to his knees, he thinks about what he has gained since he was last in this room, and if it was truly worth what he had lost.

#sfw repost #drabble #may the 4th #may the 4th be with you #star wars #kylo ren #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x f!reader #ben solo #ben solo x reader #adam driver #may the fourth #may the fourth be with you #request #angst #heartbreak tw