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zodiyack · 10 months

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Better For Me

Pairings: Tommy Shelby x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Angst, swearing, smoking, plotting

Words: 684

Request: Can you please do one for Tommy Shelby, where the reader is someone that he’s been pining over for as long as he can remember, but she’s never returned his feelings, she wants better for herself and desperately wants to escape Birmingham to have one, once he finds her plan he comes up with a scheme so that she will have no choice but to stay there with him (you can decide what that trap is)

Author’s Note: So I don’t exactly like the thought of her being 100% forced against her will, so I changed it a little bit to where she does indeed have feelings for him but never once said anything because she knew once she got involved with a gangster, her life would never be the same, and she wants better for herself. Hes also a little ooc.

YALL IVE EDITED THIS TWICE BECAUSE FUCKING MOBILE TUMBLR- DECIDED TO PUT MY ENDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BEGINNING.

Masterlist | Peaky Blinders Masterlist | Cillian Murphy Masterlist

Taglist: @simonsbluee, @stuckysslag, @psychkunox, @marquelapage, @i-love-superhero @captivatedbycillianmurphy, @stydia-4-ever, @jenepleurepasbaby, @peakyxtommy, @babylooneytoonz, @matth1w, @redspaceace-writes, @darling-i-read-it, @sebastianstanslefteyebrow, @fandom-puff

Her bags were stuffed to bursting with her belongings. She frantically packed the last of it in a barely spacious case. A knock at her front door scared her as it broke her from her hurry. She wasn't surprised when she saw the Blinder on her doorstep, only nervous.

"You're packing?" His cold voice inquired.

"Yes." She responded simply. Y/N avoided giving him too much detail. After all, he was who she was running from.

"Why can't you stay?"

She sighed heavily. "We've been over this Thomas. I need something else. I want a better life. I don't want to be in Birmingham forever." It was part of the truth. Really, she couldn't be around the violence, the theft, the gambling, the Peaky Blinders. Tommy.

She winced slightly. "No, I need to do this myself."

"I'll take you places. We can explore the world together, love." He chuckled lightly. "I promise."

Her words seemed to set him off. "Why? Can't I do anything to convince you to stay?"

"No!" She couldn't stop herself before she shrieked out the word. Covering her mouth in shock, she collected herself before speaking again. "I'm leaving, Thomas, and that's that."

"At least tell me why, love." He persisted. His hand reached for Y/N's. He definitely noticed something was wrong when she swiped her hand away. "Is it because of me?"

Yes.

"No, it's not because Of anyone! I just can't be here anymore. Tommy, I want to experience more than this place. I want a better life. We've been over this before, a thousand times." She huffed as she stuffed the rest of the items into her bag. “Please, just leave me to finish this up. I’ll stop by before I leave.” She turned away and waited for him to leave, the door clicking shut behind him.

When Tommy went outside, he spotted a copper doing his usual patrol. He nodded at him, gaining his attention. “I need your assistance.”

“What is it Mr. Shelby?”

He lit a cigarette, looking off into the distance. "Y/N L/N. If she tries to leave, prevent her in whatever way possible. Keep her alive, and inside of Birmingham." Tommy ordered, "by order of the Peaky Blinders. Alright?"

The copper nodded, "Yes Mr. Shelby. I'll make sure to it that everyone knows."

The door of the betting shop slammed shut after being aggressively swung open. Heels clicked angrily against the floor. Tommy didn't even have to lift his head to know who it was.

"You fucking bastard. You told them to keep me here?!" She shouted. Her brows were furrowed and her expression looked full of rage. "You fucking asshole!"

"You wouldn't listen to me." He kept his composure.

"I was leaving because of you!"

The truth shocked him, but he didn't let it show. Instead, Tommy stared at her with a stone facade. "I love you."

She shook her head in disbelief. "I know, Thomas. You've made it clear. You've made it clear for the past five years of our life. But I don't want that. Not for me, I need better."

"Better?" He tsked. "I could give you everything."

"That's the thing, Tommy! You're involved in so much, even being friends with you and your family, I worry for my life. Your morals, they make me wish I didn't feel this way about you. My morals, are what are telling me I can better my life. They are telling me to leave rather than get involved in this kind of life."

"Well, now you can discard those morals. Stay with me. Besides, it's not as though you have much choice." He quirked a brow, referencing the whole reason she was there in the first place.

Y/N rolled her eyes and turned around, clicking back to the door. She stopped in front of it with a pause. "I may love you, Tommy. But even if you make me stay, I will never get involved with you."

"Even if you make me stay..." She turned her head to him. "Not now," she faced the door again, holding onto the handle with a tight grip, "not ever."

#Tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby x reader #tommy shelby #cillian murphy #cillian murphy x reader #thomas shelby #imagine #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders #reader insert #x reader #zodiyack #peaky blinder imagine

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babyspacekwid · 6 months

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Astrology Observations and Advice ✨ (TW talks of ED)

From a non professional astrologer who has no idea wtf she’s posting half the time 💕

Chiron 4th house in Capricorn, Your dad may be very hard on you, like a perfectionist dad. Could have also been abusive. Could be the type to comment on your shortcomings. Remember that you are enough as it is, don’t be so hard on yourself, treat yourself as you would a friend. With compassion and kindness. Its okay to make mistakes in life. It’s common to have daddy issues with this placement, so try not to let that affect your love life, this is a personal placement of mine😜 rlly into toxic men, but they ain’t good for me, so let us be aware of that. Don’t take life too seriously, do the serious shit without being too serious about it. Idk if that makes sense but for example, let’s say u got a math test, do the math test seriously, like study and shit but don’t let the stress of it consume you because it rlly ain’t that serious.

Aries moon, especially men y’all’s temper is unregulated af. Ive seen y’all snap at stuff that energy shouldn’t be wasted on, y’all are one of the most emotionally reactive signs I have ever met. Like a ticking time bomb. This moon sign might have experienced a mother figure that was harsh and emotionally neglectful. Very hard on you, wasn’t that nurturing when raising you. The type of mom to tell you to get up and wipe the dust off when you fall and scrape your knee as a kid. y’all gotta delve into those emotions in a healthier manner. Therapy and journaling could be very beneficial. Go to one of those rage rooms where ppl break shit, I feel like y’all would go all out. There’s definitely some pent up anger. This goes for Scorpio moons too, y’all is more internal though, got some deep dark thoughts and intense internal feelings that could easily overwhelm which is why downtime is needed.

Speaking of some Scorpio moons I have met, don’t let your trust issues fuck things up. This a hard placement, y’all feel things so deeply, but just cause one person backstabbed you don’t mean everyone will. Open up to people, trial and error and you’ll find that person. Obviously set boundaries and don’t just trauma dump on everyone you meet, but don’t build an invisible wall as soon as you meet someone. Not everyone is out to get you.

(TW) Taurus risings I’ve met have dealt with some type of eating disorder. Could have had family members or people comment on their weight as a child or just got rlly influenced by the negative parts of social media. Every taurus rising I’ve met has dealt with body issues, y’all are actually so beautiful though, and I’m sorry you don’t hear it often,no matter the size. You guys are also so photogenic, like maybe I’m just the type of person that sees human beings as cute in general but istg y’all could be making the ugliest of faces and I’d still think it’s charming 😭 my best advice would be to stop comparing yourselves, and to learn unconditional love towards your body at every stage it’s at. We’re gonna be 60 and wrinkly anyways, might as well enjoy what it can do for you now!

I have this friend who’s a Capricorn sun and moon, and as a Gemini sun and moon myself I feel so similar to her in like every aspect. Idk if it’s because we’re both born on a new moon, but anyways, this girl needs to learn to open up😭 like hun I wanna be your shoulder to cry on, don’t get me wrong she will vent, and spill the tea, but when the waterworks come out she’d rather isolate. I’m just like naurrrrrr, come back. I might not be comfortable with tears and shit but il awkwardly pat your back and listen to you. Either way y’all don’t be afraid to be vulnerable, you aren’t a burden and you can’t deal with it yourself. Stop trynna convince yourself that you can. Humans are social creatures and our primal instinct is to receive and give love. M

ANYWHOOOO y’all I rlly ain’t that knowledgeable about this shit, I’m rlly going off my friend’s placements (and mine). I am studying astrology tho so maybe one day 🤠 but I got the memory of a goldfish so it might take a while, I appreciate everyone who’s been liking my posts though THANK YOU💕💕💕💕

#astrology #astro observations #taurus #capricorn #scorpio #aries #chiron

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keishawantskisses · 7 days

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"Haven't you ever seen skin like mine?" A vault

Skin clarity + glow | Skin tone | skin clarity

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⋆.˚ Skin clarity .𖥔˚

My skin is just so clear and beautiful, I can't help staring and feeling it. I am just in awe at how wonderfully blessed I am to be born with such perfect ideal skin. It is so gorgeously smooth, and while its firmness keeps me looking young and perfect, it is still supple and has a slight bounce to the touch.

I mean my skin is so perfect some friends ask me what brand of skin care I use to get my skin so even and glowing like it does, but truth be told.. genetics and positive assumptions about myself I guess😭?? I've never had any reason to use skin products because my skin has always been naturally flawless, and ive never had any reason to doubt myself because literally look at me- i am the proof. That's just my nature. But every now and then, I'll get gifted high-quality skin korean care sets and expensive most wanted skin moisturisers with the most delicious and entising scents by my mum "just in case" but also because the process is fun😋

It's also so fun being able to eat whatever I want without ever having to worry about my skin because nothing could ever affect its perfectness. I just eat what I want, and the after-effects are like a couple of crumbs on my lips and still looking pretty😭

But some people do be jealous tho🙄. "There is no way she can eat what she likes and still look that good" one says and "what about the acne? Has she even gotten a spot once?" another says. And it's even better when I post pictures or videos cus haters really be out here doing there best to convince themselves and everyone around them (like the clowns they are) that skin is impossible to look that perfect and it HAS to be makeup or it HAS to be a filter or she MUST have gotten some surgery of a kind and they all couldn't be more wrong lmao. I just be existing and nothing else and i am just that naturally radiant😂

∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘

⋆.˚ Skin colour.𖥔˚

I've had people pointing out how dewy and golden like my skin is like all my life and I never even thought about it until now. Well, I kind of always knew that I have the most gorgeous, jaw dropping skin colour that ranged between a deep caramel tan in the light and like a golden brown in the dark; I've even been accused of bleaching my skin to get a lighter tone once but how would that even make any sense when my tone changes slightly due to lighting?😭😭 But anyway other than that one person I've been getting remarkable amounts of compliments both in person and on social media about how glorious my skin colour looks. It's kind of overwhelming but ive been fighting though it.

skin colour in the dark | skin colour in bright lightings

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1 dimple is ♡shaped | I sweat= I shimmer | cutest mole marks

⋆.˚ Unique features.𖥔˚

— Glittery skin when I sweat

I have a rare phenomenon that only 0.0001 in the entire human population have, with my skin where if I am to sweat, my skin will have a light glittery coat. Scientists have recently come to find out that the glittery coat left behind by the sweat is a natural skin protecting barrier. This is incredibly useful for preventing skin problems like rashes, strawberry skin, and uneven skin texture. Scientists have not found a name for this yet (im scientists and don't know what to call it)

— ♡Shaped Dimple

Another rare phenomenon for people to get is dimples. Only 0.01 of the entire human population have dimples, and an even smaller number of people (me) have a heart-shaped dimple. There is nothing scientific about this tho, it's just fun to look at

— Beauty marks / moles

I have a couple of cute beauty marks on my body and face. Also somewhat rare, somewhat not lol. Nothing more to add😊

@theshifterbear @livingmydreamlife5555 @4ellieluv

This was lowkey entertaining to script especially the unique features one too. ONTO THE NEXT!

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olderthannetfic · 2 months

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Same anon as this ask (the "no love for doms" one) https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/743800835187818496/something-ive-noticed-is-that-even-in

It also intersects with gender, sexuality, and general aesthetics, too.

So I mentioned in my other ask I RP monsters, yeah? Monsters with big dicks. In real life, I'm a trans guy and I don't even have a dick, I'm thin and short, I have kind of cute and innocint aesthetic, and I go out of my way to be kind and caring in my everyday life.

But on the porn boards and discords where I RP, I let everyone assume I'm a tall, muscular, cis, gay man. I don't lie, they just make that assumption and I dont' correct them. Because if I did, no one would take me seriously. Some people who are into little bratty doms with big dumb subs would message me, and the rest would just ignore me. I wouldn't get a drop of attention from the monsterfuckers who are actually compatible with what I like to play as.

People don't think that that trans men can top, they don't think that skinny guys can be rough and assertive, they dont think that cute people can play convincing monsters or that people who are sweet in real life can be sadistic in an RP or BDSM scene.

Is there really a shortage of doms, or are people ignoring doms because their fashion sense or gender identity doesn't line up with the fantasy?

I feel like I'm shoved into the closet in order to be taken seriously, but how many other guys like me got shoved out of the scene entirely?

And I'm a dom myself, but I would love to sub for a muscular, hairy trans guy. There aren't any. Full stop. I've met tons of trans bottoms who are (or present themselves as) smol and twinky or soft and chubby, but not a single "bara" trans guy and not one other trans top. Which is insane. Tons of trans guys work out, body hair is practically guranteed if you're on T, and topping and domming is way fun, I know I'm not the only one. But I have to assume all the others are going stealth like I am, are switches and indulging only their bottom tendencies, or have been completely pushed out of the scene.

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thesherrinfordfacility · 8 months

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I love Aziraphale but I DO kind of feel like he was objectively more wrong than Crowley was, bc Aziraphale's plot for most of S2 comes straight out of Terry Pratchett books: he shuts down Crowley and focuses on setting up this storybook romance for them, while ignoring everyone else's distress. Like we see from the start of the season that Crowley is depressed and clearly upset, and it gets worse as it progresses, but Aziraphale doesn't even clock that something is wrong, even when Crowley is outright telling him. Of course this is going to create and nurture a situation where Crowley doesn't communicate. Aziraphale's not listening to him anyway. One of Terry's books features a witch who uses her magic to force fairy tale plots onto the people around her. It's the pinnacle of toxic positivity.

hi anon!!!✨ oooooh i have a feeling that this is going to be a long one, my apologies in advance!!! also, please forgive my ignorance on pratchett's works, im not deliberately ignoring it, but definitely not familiar with it enough to draw on any narrative similarities unfortunately!!!

so on the point of aziraphale not recognising that crowley is depressed, i do think that there are some indicators that if aziraphale paid more attention, he would pick up on it. that being said, i do think that the depth of crowley's not-okayness is largely masked from aziraphale, and is mostly shown only to other characters and obviously to the audience; the scene on the park bench with shax, for example, or any scenes between crowley in/around the bentley. one example that aziraphale could have picked up on:

c: "what i need is for him to be nowhere near me, and the precious, peaceful, fragile existence ive carved out for myself here..."

a: "i thought we carved it out for ourselves?"

c: "so did i!"

so, obviously crowley started in on the fact that gabriel threatened aziraphale in ep6, and quite rightly uses this as a reason to leave well enough alone, get rid of gabriel, and go back to their life as it was before. and crowley's language and delivery is absolutely indicative of how desperate he is to keep the status quo, that he's hanging on practically by a thread. shax and hell are keeping tabs on him, he's living in his car (which i'll come onto later), and he doesn't have much of a Purpose anymore than just existing.

aziraphale should be reading into this, 110%. but, crowley ends up underplaying his own struggle by talking about 'i' and 'me'. that doesn't mean its less true or valid, but to aziraphale's mind, he appears to be thinking only about how gabriel's presence would affect him. it immediately undermines how crowley first went in to trying to convince aziraphale to turn out gabriel, because it reads like crowley is revealing his true issue with the situation. we know that it's because, to crowley, aziraphale is ignoring him and his warning (which he absolutely is).

but crowley hasn't told aziraphale the full story of what happened; what gabriel said. aziraphale doesn't have the context to understand the full scope of crowley's fear and anger. i don't think knowing it would have necessarily changed the ultimate outcome/decision - i do think aziraphale is still kind and forgiving ("it's one of my favourite things!") to a fault - but it might have stopped aziraphale completely closing off and shutting down the continuance of what could have been a communicative and honest discussion. that, despite all of it, crowley is stepping away from aziraphale and planting himself on His (crowley's) Side, not Their Side.

aziraphale attempts to pull the conversation back; he tells crowley he would love for him to help, and that aziraphale is actively asking for help (which, verbally and with full intent, i don't recall aziraphale having done anywhere before this point in canon; he's intimated it, made very strong suggestions that he wants crowley to help/do something for him). this is a big show of vulnerability on aziraphale's part ("i need you!"), to literally put those words into the space between them... and crowley is silent. crowley is absolutely justified in not helping gabriel, but i think aziraphale's reaction is just as understandable.

but then moving on through to ep2, i think the next bit where aziraphale probably should have seen that crowley is Not Okay is the bentley/bookshop discussion, and crowley's reluctance to share it. from crowley's point of view, this car is literally the only tie he has left (will still get to the Sleeping In His Car debacle later) to anything permanent. this car that is literally an extension of him, comforts and shelters him, his complete Ride or Die - even to the end of the world. it is completely understandable that crowley would be jealous of it, want to keep a portion of his world for himself.

from aziraphale's point of view, as suggestive as it can be interpreted, he's opened his doors literally to crowley since at least 1941 - even earlier, if we count the 1800 scene that was cut (where, if gabriel and sandalphon hadn't turned up, i have no doubts that crowley would have been welcomed in straight away). it's definitely believable that crowley, between at least 1800 - 1827, might have been welcome in the shop... possibly even between 1827 - 1862 depending whether or not crowley spent "quite some time" in the pits of hell after edinburgh.

and this is likely to have been an exponential occurrence between 2008 - 2023, possibly even between 1967 - 2008 (depending on whether they had or had not been in continued contact follow the holy water incident). either way, again from aziraphale's perspective, the tie he has to earth and his life on it has been steadily then repeatedly shared with crowley. that's where he feels safe, and is himself, and is an extension of him. it's where they both feel like that in 2023. aziraphale has, presumably, shared that without quibble, has even been - judging by the s2 scene - something he has actively encouraged. it's definitely presumptuous, and possibly even entitled, but i think aziraphale has seen this as crowley being willing to share his life with aziraphale; why wouldn't he share the bentley? he's driven aziraphale everywhere he's wanted to go in it - doesn't crowley trust him enough to let aziraphale drive himself, for once?

ep3 sees a continuation of the above; that aziraphale changes the car, and does so without permission. whilst cute and adorable, and with the best of intentions, there is a major degree of this that is absolutely a violation on crowley, even if he logically would know that it's reversible. potentially, this is even foreshadowing of how he feels in the Final Fifteen with the angel restoration offer (im sure someone else has drawn this parallel somewhere...?).

but i do think it is absolutely a declaration from aziraphale of how wonderful he sees crowley just as he is now (his mf eyes), and how actually he doesn't want to change crowley to something better, but instead to paint the whole world in crowley's image. and its all the more powerful because a) crowley isn't there to see it, and b) he doesn't know that crowley can so viscerally detect changes made to the car.

the fact that crowley doesn't make this connection is surely a reflection of how he sees himself (see: he doesn't), and aziraphale should pick up on that... but if to aziraphale's mind crowley already knows how aziraphale feels about him through other gestures, in aziraphale's mind maybe crowley's just being coy or a bit possessive of his beloved bentley - that's fair, it's practically married behaviour! aziraphale wouldn't necessarily think to infer crowley's objections as anything different.

then we move on to ep4 (and finally talking about crowley living like a nomad), with the last scene of aziraphale helping him take out the plants to the bentley. you know - im still not 100% sure what to make of the whole situation of aziraphale not knowing that crowley is living out of his car. my main two schools of thought are that:

crowley has been spending enough time in the shop that him going out at random intervals is just normal to aziraphale - he's off doing Demon Things! he's just out on a jolly, having some time to himself! but it's okay, he always comes back! that would be possible, but we don't have any narrative to actively support this, and is practically a hc at this point. but there must be something that keeps aziraphale from digging any deeper - he is by all accounts a smart guy, and clocking that crowley has his plants in his car must get him thinking even if only for a moment... (unless he literally just chalks it up to Crowley Being Crowley, which is also feasible lbr)

the alternative thought (and not saying this is right - as i said, i literally do not have a scooby as to why aziraphale doesn't seem, on some level, to realise it) is that aziraphale does realise it, but doesn't want to face the implications of why crowley might have kept it from him, and so he buries it. i parsed this thought out more in a LWA response, full post here, but snippet screenshotted below:

i'll probably leave that bit there, but absolutely; aziraphale should be realising that something is wrong... but equally - as the king of cognitive dissonance, frankly - i don't think he wants to look deeper into something that, to him, would suggest any reason for there to be distrust between them, or a lack of openness. of course, we can see as the audience that this is a very small drop in the ocean where that's concerned, but to aziraphale - there's surely no possibility that crowley would keep something from him, not something this important.

when it comes to the Loving Gaze in ep6 (i'll come back to ep5 in a sec) that he gives when crowley admits that he's been living in his car, again - not entirely sure what to make of it. obviously it is just pure 'i utterly love/adore him', 'yes, it's you i want to be with, yes', but also maybe a measure of 'oh, you silly demon, why didn't you tell me? not that it's a problem now though, because in time we'll be together properly and you'll never have to be without a home again because your home can be with me'. he does gloss over the fact that crowley didn't tell him, and was obviously not in an okay place - but possibly in a, 'we'll talk about it later sometime, but for now - im just happy about what future we could start having from here on out. everything else is immaterial'. it's dismissive, but i also think potentially an indication that aziraphale does see, but they'll have the rest of their existence now to talk about it and heal.

anyway, back to ep5. the ball. oh lord - i honestly don't know if i have the mental acuity to even go into depth on the ball, rn. it's a Problem, and 100% on aziraphale's part. he's overcome with love, god bless him, isn't he? just so hellbent on showing crowley - it's not even about the girls, anymore, not if aziraphale really admitted it to himself - that he loves him. i think the magic spell that aziraphale creates bewitches even him, slightly - maybe not so literally, but this is a moment that has at least been decades in the making. and crowley is running around telling him there's an issue? well, they're safe in the shop (which, in a way, is absolutely true)! don't spoil this, please just hear me, hear what im trying to tell you unequivocally!

i think in aziraphale's mind, crowley tends to have a habit of overreacting (gabriel as a case in point), which is not true - but understandable when you potentially consider that aziraphale never really has all the facts. he's definitely overprotective, a point that is shown in s1 (imo, aziraphale never actively encourages the damsel-in-distress thing, but crowley just happens to show up at the slightest hint of trouble, and instead aziraphale takes this to mean that saving him, when he doesn't need saving, truly does make crowley happy). this is something crowley through his actions has encouraged - i think to assume that crowley is overreacting in this context is understandable, but yet; no, aziraphale should be listening to him. he should. and it once again feeds into the thought process that aziraphale cannot save himself - on and on it goes.

i don't think there is much to discuss in ep6 (im not going to get into the Final Fifteen - it's been analysed so much better by other people and by me too), this answer is already long enough, and i think for the most part it's fairly obvious. i do however have a dedicated FF tag in my masterpost if you do wish to peruse the various ponderings on the subject.

the only thing i guess that's really left for me to parse out is s1; aziraphale does lie to crowley. a lot. most egregious is lying about finding the antichrist but, i will say, in his defence - crowley has repeatedly asserted that they should straight-up murder a child. aziraphale drew his boundary, and crowley kept pushing, even going so far as to try tempting (and then practically demanding) that aziraphale be the one to do it. i don't think it's unjustified in that respect that aziraphale would keep that knowledge, therefore, from him - and instead turn to heaven. obviously that doesn't work out, in that respect crowley is proven right, and aziraphale immediately takes action to remedy it (calls crowley after the 9-1-metatron call).

but, it's an interesting mirror to what goes on in s2 in the theme of mutual trust and openness between them. crowley doesn't trust aziraphale not to dismiss him and run back to heaven when the going gets tough, nor does he trust him to have any sense of self-preservation (despite, yk, being a literal miracle worker and being the one to actual save their bacon in the 40s s2 minisode). but aziraphale similarly doesn't trust crowley not to try making him do something he has expressly said he will not do, and would betray a core tenet of who he is - temptation, which they both know works on aziraphale, and crowley could arguably exploit as he sees fit if aziraphale were to let him be completely vulnerable to crowley. in this respect, the foundations of their relationship, such as it is, is quite demonstrably built on sand of the quick variety.

so in essence, anon (honestly - gold star for you if you've made it to here), i don't disagree with you at all. but i think it's slightly reductive to not see that they are just as bad as each other. each have their trauma and unreconciled issues that directly inform on the action or inaction they take, and both are completely justified in that. i think it's more than possible to be empathetic to both of their perspectives, because ultimately, imo, their relationship as it was where we left it at the end of s2 was practically doomed right from where we first - in 2008 - properly join their story. im all for a huge, screaming row, and the promise of quieter, more delicate conversations thereafter, in s3; boy, do they need it!✨

#good omens #ask #s2 meta #s1 meta #aziraphale meta #crowley meta #not proof read - please pretend you do not Perceive The Errors

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slutdge · 2 months

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Heavy subject matter under the cut im just not feeling well and need to get it out of my system

i used to constantly try to convince myself that my experiences with police brutality werent that trauamatizing but im glad i got over that, cause girlypop if you were slammed down on the ground, handcuffed and screamed at to stop resisting (all this during a mental health wellness check) despite yknow. being handcuffed face down on the ground while an officer was digging her knee into my spine so hard i couldnt stand up straight for over a week afterwards was, in fact, bad for your mental health. and this was only one of many instances. dont give these dumb fucking pigs any grace.

with that being said, i dont think ive expressed enough how much you will never feel safe after experiencing police brutality or mistreatment even if its just one time, whether its in your home or in public, you will never feel safe again anywhere because you know first hand they can do whatever they want and get away with it, and its something ive really been struggling to cope with lately now that im kinda drinking less off and on. like i dont know how to function knowing that that could happen again at any time no matter where i am and i couldnt do anything to stop it because even if you dont resist they still wont give you any kind of mercy, there is nothing you can do to snap them out of their fascist power trip because thats why they became cops in the first place. i dont know how to not live in fear and despair when cops are out there especially with the added factor that my abusive parents have on multiple occassions made false 911 calls that ive said i had a plan to kill myself so that i would be arrested and taken to the psych ward every time theyve suspected ive been getting too close to escaping from them and going no contact with them like i want to, even going as far to get a court order to have me arrested. idk i just dont know what to do anymore lol theres not a single thing in my life that isnt tainted with despair idk how im even alive still. sorry for the depressing incoherent late night thoughts, i hope yall are having a good night 🫀 it sounds silly cause its just tumblr but truly this blog is the only place i feel like i can freely express myself and i appreciate everyone who has taken the time to send me kind messages, more often than not thats the only positive thing ill experience in my day

#ptsd

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yoonsdoll · 4 months

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hi im bored and this is my professional opinion if seventeen r kitty or puppy coded and why because this is very important to me !!!!!!!!!

seungcheol : kitty coded

ok this was actually a really hard choice because he actually does have both kitty and puppy features but ultimately i decided kitty because hes so persian cat.

LOOK AT HIM POUTING.

but laura!!! he has a dog!!! YES I KNOW OKAY!! i LOVE kkuma. and as much as he wants to be a dog dad hes just a cat taking care of a dog beeeee so fr!!!!!

ok in conclusion realistically he can be both but like.. look at these photos and try spot the difference

cheol get well soon i miss u .

if u disagree then u just dont get the vision!

jeonghan : kitty coded

i have previously stated how he is a ragdoll cat. and yes, he really is.

hes so mischievous in like the best way ever, tell me a kitty wouldn't do that. U CANT!!!!

as a cat owner myself.. im just correct.

he 100% knows how to get someone to give him what he wants (treats) and he sits there all day looking fabulous and getting attention for being so cute.

also jeonghan get well soon im losing hair the longer ur gone.

anyway pls agree ive never been so confident in an answer in my life. dont ruin this

joshua : puppy coded

the more i look at shua smiling the more he reminds me of a cute puppy.

pls this man has me breaking down hes literally so cute.

i have no reason apart from the fact im so very sure he would be a puppy. and also hes an extrovert which automatically strikes me as a dog!!!

he looks like a fancy cat on a lot of pictures but dont let him gaslight u.

he told me himself hes a smiley shiba inu.

im a strong believer in puppy shua.

junhui : kitty coded

i feel like this is a very obvious answer but still

0% puppy in him. its all a very feral cat.

when i look at jun i think of a british shorthair kitty. a baby one in specific.

especially because hes playful as hell but also has his moments when he just prefers to be quiet and listen to the others.

he alternatively could just be a white and black cat.. it did occur to me while making this. however i still feel like a british shorthair is more suitable.

jun is so cat coded and even he knows it!

hoshi : kitty coded ?????

okay see my issue is that yes.. tigers are in the cat family. but do u not also ever look at hoshi playing around w the members and think that he could be a puppy if he wasnt so obsessed w tigers..

anyhow, he is kitty coded for the most part I GUESS.

sometimes he really does remind me of a hamster more than anything though, but again this isnt the point of this post.

ill give him this win and say he is a toyger cat.

HE LITERALLY LOOKS SO HAMSTER IN THE FIRST PIC ITS BUGGING ME.

look at him tryna convince everyone in that 2nd pic.. ok wtv he convinced me

wonwoo : kitty coded

so very calm, knows what his boundaries are, likes playing around once in a while.

wonwoo is THE black cat. one of those that are really well taken care of with short yet super soft fur.

same as jun.. u will never find any puppy energy in this man.

he has a dog too, but hes the most cat coded person u will ever see. this is why my cheol point was also correct.

im giggling those photos r so perfect. 3 wonwoos ^^^^^^

bye u legit cant even argue with this one if u wanted to

woozi : kitty coded

SHUT UP U KNOW IM RIGHTTTT!!

WOOZI IS SO KITTY I DONT CARE. I DONT EVEN HAVE TO EXPLAIN.

just as i know wonus a black cat, i know ujis a white cat.

hes so elegant yet so fun and so cute pls someone tie me down

the fact i already knew what photos im gonna use says enough.

i would also like to say that hes also very bear coded. like if hes not a cat hes a bear.

dokyeom : puppy coded

everyone cheered!!!!

dk has always been very puppy to me, even in interviews where hes speaking to people he doesnt know (which makes it difficult for him (and hoshi)), hes ALWAYS trying his best.

hes so cute!??!?!?! like, im really not good with dog breeds AT ALL, but he clearly is a pomeranian.

is he a grown 5'10 man? yes. is he also a very cute puppy breed? also yes. why? it just makes so much sense.

the 2 glasses photos were a coincidence but they somehow make him look even more puppy coded.

him in curly hair.. dude it doesnt get any better than that!!!

mingyu : puppy coded

DUH!!!! hes the puppiest out of all puppy in seventeen

surprisingly, i always see everyone call him a golden retriever which, personality wise I SO AGREE!!! but something itches my brain when hes compared to a husky. IT MAKES SM MORE SENSE NO??

i lied btw ive never seen anyone compare him to a husky this is me trying to drop my opinion without getting dragged.

theres not much else to say apart from that his emoji rep is litch a puppy so u cant deny it!

no matter what breed u wanna compare him to, itll still always be a dog

i truly wish i could see him as a cat but its just not right!

minghao : kitty coded

kitty coded through and through!!!!

i dont think i cld ever compare hao to a puppy?? his vibes r so cat.

SIAMESE CAT** let me say. dont u agree!!

hes so sassy and i feel like that rlly influences my opinion but also when have u ever looked at minghao and thought he was puppy coded. literally NEVER. i cant name u one time.

give him blue contacts and hes that cat in the middle (pls dont)

i rest my case thank yew!

seungkwan : BOTH?!

seungkwans a really difficult one for me. because he quite literally is both.

he has moments when hes so puppy coded then the next second hes the most kitty coded man ever.

same in selcas.. i cant even decide thru them!!!

if i really had to pick, id lean towards a cat, but again.. its too hard to decide.

therefore, he would be an orange kitty or a samoyed dog! :3

im sorry for cheating my way out of this one but i srsly cant decide.

vernon : kitty coded

chillest cat ever trust me.

vernon said himself he really likes cats and that made this even easier than it was before cause it just makes sm sense!

im aware vernon likes dogs too but him liking cats is so ?? vernon ??????

i always go back to that photo of him holding the baby kitty. hes such a cat person. literally look up vernon being a cat person on twt and theres a whole thread proving it!

this is why vernon is a siberian cat! he looks like it sm and he is chill like that ong

vernon and kitties give me life

dino : puppy coded

surprisingly i originally wanted to say kitty coded but after a think abt it.. hes clearly puppy coded

a very loved puppy by his 12 older brothers lolol

he always loves the attention and enjoys smiling and making others laugh a lot too..

do u guys remember that puppy interview? yeah.

his light brown hair was the prime border collie days!

i found that middle photo and immediately thought dino.

ok i originally didnt even mean to assign them all to breeds or wtv but it just happened... thank u for reading this is what happens when i get too bored!!! anyway i think i did pretty well so!

#laura : mind !#im gonna start a new tag for this...#just incase i get bored again in the future!!#laura : assigns !#yoonsdoll #svt #seventeen

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astra-nomy · 1 year

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how to get over the belief that you "can't shift" ☆ (getting rid of limiting beliefs)

HI THERE MY BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL STARS! I know it's been a while since I made an original post but I wanted to stop by because I've been getting increasingly more questions about this both from people on here and people in my real life. I actually enlisted help from @my-reality-my-rules for one of my friends and she was very helpful. I wanted to just come on here and make a little step by step list of how I would go about dissolving limiting beliefs.

I actually have had to do this before with one belief: I realized a good way into my shifting journey that I believed that shifting is real, but I didn't believe that I could do it. That it was a me problem, essentially. So here are the steps I took to kinda reframe that mindset and work on getting rid of that belief!

i. Identify your limiting belief

This is obviously very important—this can just be a self-reflection type thing, or you can ask your spirit guides. @alexaprentiss on Tik Tok I think I made a video about this (we all know how I feel about getting info from Tik Tok but I like this one) where you lie/sit down, get comfy, take some deep breaths, and when you feel that your mind is pretty clear, you ask yourself, "Why am I not shifting?" or "What's stopping me from getting what I want?" and the first thing that pops in your head is your answer. Repeat this as many times as you need to get a clear answer. Sometimes they require a little sleuthing—for example, a friend of mine got the word "fear," and she took some time to decipher that it meant she had a deep-rooted fear of getting hurt in her DR (it's a Marvel DR, so I think it's about, you know, the violence n stuff) and she had to change up her script a bit in accordance with that.

For me, I figured out my limiting belief before I saw that Tik Tok. I was just kinda reminiscing one day and kinda wondering what was stopping me or what was so hard about it, and it kinda just popped into my head that I didn't think I could do it. I knew that I believed in shifting as a concept but I didn't believe that I personally could do it. And it was kinda revolutionary for me? That's when I worked on figuring out the root of the problem and adopting a mindset that challenged that belief.

ii. try to understand why you have that specific belief—it can give you your solution

A lot of our limiting beliefs stem from other, more foundational beliefs. For example, mine came from the fact that I tend to overthink everything I do. Whether it's singing or acting, I tend to get in my own way and self sabotage. A common theme in my life is that I surprise myself with my own abilities when I don't think. So understanding why exactly I had this limiting belief led me to understand how I could fix it.

Try to understand why that limiting belief exists. If you got into shifting from its early Tik Tok days, you may believe it's hard because everyone treated it like it was a freaking battle back then. Then, once you understand that, you can take steps towards convincing yourself that it's easy.

iii. understand that it is just a belief, not facts

This is something that took me so long to recognize! Your limiting beliefs are just that—beliefs. They are not facts. Beliefs can be changed and modified if you have the will and determination, facts cannot. So don't look at your limiting beliefs as immovable roadblocks, look at them instead as little cuts that you need to take steps to heal. Don't be intimidated by them because even on your worst days you are infinitely stronger than them. The human mind can overcome so much, you can deal with a limiting belief or two.

iv. challenge it!

Once you've identified the belief and know why it's there, you can take steps to get rid of it. You can go about this however you want, but you really want your goal to be severing whatever emotional bond you may have with these limiting beliefs. Anytime you feel yourself slipping into that thinking that your limiting belief creates, cut it off as soon as you recognize it.

Use affirmations, visualize, hell you can even manifest a new belief thru the lullaby method (I like doing that one). Just do whatever you can to show that limiting belief who's the boss.

There you go! I hope this can help you guys out and help you to remove your limiting beliefs! Remember that absolutely nothing can stop you from shifting and you are the key to your success. Go shift by lovely stars!

Xx, Astra

#shifting #reality shifting #limiting beliefs #manifesting #manifestation #desired reality

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captain-mj · 10 months

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Black Coffee

Poll at the end

Soap gave Ghost a cup of black coffee from the cafeteria. It didn’t look that good, but he’d drink it.

Ghost shifted and Soap settled into his side. “Hate hospitals.”

“They’re not my favorite either.”

Ghost grabbed his hand and gently rubbed circles into it. The nurse told them a while ago that Jason was sleeping off drugs from surgery. He was doing fine, as fine as one could with a gunshot at least, but he was breathing.

“Can’t believe this all started because I had a crush on my barista. He was the one that dragged me into the coffeeshop.” Ghost stroked his inner wrist, tracing his veins.

Soap hesitated. “Your friends seem really concerned about something. I want to know what they’re worrying about.”

Ghost sighed. “My little… incident.”

He didn’t want to talk about this.

He had to though. Didn’t he? He had been avoiding it for weeks.

“Tried to kill myself.”

Soap flinched. Those pretty blue eyes went wide.

“It’s complicated. I got high on some underground stuff. Specifically for dragons. Works a bit like weed I’m told but that’s not how it went for me. Then I was in my bathroom and it didn’t seem like a bad idea.

Then a few days passed. Knew I was sober. And I still wanted to. So I did. Price found me. Said he had never seen someone so pale.”

“Bad trip?”

“No. Good trip. Just made me realize how fucking miserable I was. I thought of my life. Where I was. How many people I buried. And part of me gave up. Stayed down. I’ve pushed forward my whole life, but suddenly I just couldn’t.” Ghost drank the coffee. “You’re sweet, Soap. Really are. But you’ve seen the scars. I’m sure you can piece together some awful things happened to me. Then I came home and more awful things happened.”

“When I said those things…”

Ghost laughed. “Jesus, Johnny. I got upset. Made some questionable decisions. But I didn’t plan on bleeding myself dry any time soon. It’s been hard convincing all of them of this.”

Soap nodded. “I can imagine.” His fingers were warm as they pressed against his wrist. For a moment, Ghost though he was feeling for scarring before those fingertips settled right on his pulse.

“I’m alive, Johnny. And I’m right here.” Simon softened.

Soap shook his head. “I’m sorry. I-”

Ghost yanked his wrist away. “No. None of that. I don’t want apologies from you. I wish everyone would just move on. I keep giving people time and they just don’t move on.”

Soap nodded and looked down at his hands.

They sat in silence for a long while before a nurse let them know that Jason had woken back up.

Ghost stalked forward quickly, the world finally started to feel right again.

Jason smiled and sat up. “Did it work?”

Ghost stepped to the side to show him Soap. Jason immediately brightened.

“Nice to formally meet you, Soap.” He grinned. Dumb and toothy. Just like his best friend.

“Jason. Very nice to finally get to know you.” Soap grabbed a chair.

The two got on like a house on fire. Both of them had a lot in common.

Ghost felt himself falling into his normal silence, watching the two of them. Jason looked pale, but definitely alive. There was an IV pumping who knows what into his body and he noticed Jason hitting the morphine button every three minutes. One minute longer than the minimum. Smart. He did have an addicting personality. Better to try to wait as long as he could with the pain management. If he got addicted, Ghost would have to watch him. Make sure he stayed alive and not overdosing.

Jason hummed. “Simon. You’re doing it again.”

“Hmm?”

“Thinking super hard. You tend to go in spirals.” Jason smiled before looking at Soap. “If you see him scrunching up his mouth and looking distant, that’s why. Dangerous to let his thoughts wander.”

“So I’ve heard.”

Soap was getting all types of intel on Ghost. It made him nervous. He hoped no one else gave him any more information.

The universe was against him. He knew that once any of the other guys got around Soap, they would spill everything. It used to scare him. Being known.

But it felt okay, right now.

Jason told Soap a few stories from their childhood, mostly talking about Simon’s partying days. It felt like when he was a teen and his mom told his crushes stories about when he was a baby.

He realized after a minute that’s exactly what it was. Jason was doing it on purpose. The bastard.

The nurse kicked them out eventually and Soap held Ghost’s hand as they walked. They fell in step with each other and Soap kissed his hand a few times.

“Wayne.”

“What about him?”

“What do we plan on doing with him?” Ghost asked. “If you wanted, we could get him out of jail. Thought maybe you’d want face to face confrontation. Or I could snipe him for you.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Taglist: @the-snarky-dragon @elevencloudsofnine-blog @lukewarm-chickensoup @nervouspsychologynerd @korym @cthulhusstepmom @princess-heathen @revenge-of-the-bucket-demon @roachboy @shadowsnowberry @crazies-unanimous @shiftylookingcrow @joltom @xenomorphee3 @thedeepvoidinmyheart

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fairycosmos · 1 year

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do you ever feel like people automatically think something is wrong with you when you have no interest in dating/being in a relationship? i was talking to my friend about how i haven't had a crush on someone in years and im fine with being single and she immediately started bringing up my childhood trauma (like "do you think because of what you went through with your parents you can't open yourself up to love?") and this was weeks ago but i can't stop thinking about it. i know she didn't mean harm by what she said but i hate the idea that being content with myself is synonymous with being traumatized, when ive always been this way. ive always prided myself in my self-assurance and independence so to hear a close friend basically say its a trauma response (which sure it might be but it's mostly just how im wired i think) seemed kind of weird to me. she said a similar thing later when i was talking about how im never really bothered by my physical appearance and she said something like "maybe that's because you never try to pursue people romantically" as if she expects my confidence in my appearance to dwindle as soon as i have a crush on someone, even though ive spent a lot of time working on building that confidence. idk it feels like projection to me

YESSS ppl act this way towards me all the time and it makes me want to bite my own hands off! my one friend is convinced i dont like dating bc of school trauma and parental trauma and self-esteem issues and it's like Ok? while all of those things are a genuine issue for me i also just. dont feel anything like that for anyone. my life does not revolve around dating prospects and i don't want it to. i've always said this but i feel like falling in love is actually a pretty rare thing and sooo many ppl are just together bc of timing or convenience or desperation, and yet we're still treated like the weirdos for not wanting to engage with that endless trial and error? when being single is perfectly comfortable anyway? i totally get why your friend saying that made you feel weird. it's like the concept of being happy while single is sooo foreign to them that they have to pathologise it which is just kind of crazy to think about really. they think theyre so right about it too, always so pitying and condescending it and it's like i don't know how to explain to you that im not pretending to not need anyone romantically to make myself feel better - i really, genuinely don't see dating as a necessity at this point and that's fine! i think you're right TBH part of it has to be projection with the way it gets ppl so fired up. like just because your self-esteem and happiness depends on whoever you're dating, doesn't mean everyone's does. srry. also that thing she said about your appearance was weird. it's really admirable that you've worked on being comfortable with yourself and i don't know why that effort would be reversed if you were to ever develop a crush? anyway yeah it will always annoy me that not dating isn't more normalised man! we’re just existing

#anon

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goremet-chef · 10 months

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guhh im so bothered rnn (vent/rant)

so... i? idk. ive been out as trans in my house since 2020. my mom doesnt call me dom (sometimes she does if my sibling encourages her to, but she defaults back to my deadname anyways) and ive learned to accept it. i dont think she ever will and its sad for me, the reality that once i start my transition, ill need to just.. leave a lot of my family behind. they think its some rebellious choice like i hate all of them but im more worried about them hating me

my mom says shes supportive but is actively right wing, shes having an inner battle with her ideologies, i know that. i can tell by how she talks about homeless people vs how she talks about us being queer

so. whatever. thats my mom i guess. but for a long time, i wasnt out to my moms husband. i despise him and ive never intentionally started a conversation with him, let alone come out. ive started to not care about what he thinks. i know what he thinks, he thinks gays should die, said it straight to my gay siblings face. okay, cool. doesnt concern me, moms bf is absolutely fucking nothing to me.

to remedy this sort of like... we didnt wanna DEAL with what he might say if he heard both my siblings calling me dom, cuz both of them do, so whenever theyre around they would just refer to my deadname, but i saw it made them cringe, so now everyone calls me 'that one child'

that one, other one, etc etc

no one even calls me my name anymore

it makes me feel so hopeless. ive EXPRESSED it makes me upset but my younger sibling doesnt care (the one most guilty of it), because they dont understand why it upsets me, i guess thats enough reason to keep going

its so dehumanizing to be reduced to actually nothing. i ALREADY have heaps and heaps and HEAPS of identity issues. sometimes it gets so bad i start having crazy ass delusions, sometimes im not even present and its a different part of my mind in my body

its hard enough as is!!! now my family wont call me anything at all

it makes me feel less bad about leaving, but i dont think ill ever leave at this rate

need to start T, change my name, get a job, all in that order. starting T seems impossible at this rate. i.. dont know what to do. i cant keep LIVING like this, because im not living at all

i never leave my house because im too ashamed in how i look, i cant BEAR the thought of anyone else perceiving me as female, i cant fucking do it!!! im so tired. my house is like a prison for me, genuinely.

and my family dont get it, obviously. they think its my choice, im some kind of hermit who doesnt care about being outside because i have internet. they are so fucking wrong. i miss going out, i miss being around people, i miss existing like everyone else, but i just cant do it man. not like this

so it becomes a waiting game, when am i gonna bring up starting it? how do i even move forward once i do? what if she says no? id have to do it on my own but i cant.. i cant even order things for myself without freezing like shutting up will get me out of there, i cant fucking do it

she doesnt even know!! we were in the car together and she was like yknow theres people who cant even make a doctors appointment. what losers.

IM losers, would she have said that if she knew? does she know and decided to say it anyways? i dont know, but its just.. everything seems so hopeless at this point. i want to just give up, accept im not gonna be who i truly am, but man i cant stand being any more miserable

it makes me wanna cry, the only time i get to feel myself how i think i should be is either if i draw something fictitious, or if i spend hours in the mirror making sure i look masculine, my mustache is convincing, etc. AND FOR WHAT? literally for fucking WHAT, because i dont leave the house anyways!!!!! dolled up like i have somewhere to be, like my appearance will get me what i want, when im stuck at home! i got nothing to prove to them, they think what they think

its fucking dreadful. im so scared of my life passing me by, and here i am wasting away in my bedroom for the last 3 years. no progress, nothing. at first, i was scared about even starting T because theres a higher risk of heart disease, but. i dont fucking care if it KILLS me. i dont care!!! if it kills me i dont fucking care im not living the life i want to live anyways. the risk of death is worth it at this point, i mean that so seriously

idk. im just tired, is all. i wish everyone could perceive me the way i dream they would. only time that happens is online, or when im not with my family at all and instead with my friends. but we only hang out like. once in a blue moon

and yknow what? im not even safe then. i remember we were at my friends house for halloween last year (we always meet up). i had my full leatherface costume one, my face was touched up to make it look like the mask. and still. dressed that way, when my friends mom asked me what my name was, i said dom and she was immediately like. "oh, dominique?" no. my name is fucking DOMINIC.

i didnt say anything besides correcting her, but it was such a blow, man. the only time ill be happy is if im closely monitoring every single thing i do, to make sure i dont appear feminine at all. no matter how i look, now matter how deep my voice is. miserable. why would anyone think that id choose this

#tw transphobia #tw dysphoria #tw queerphobia #tw misgendering

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thec0untry · 10 months

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realllllllyyy sentimental sentimental emotional personal

Idk why i feel the need to write it all out, it supplies some sort of catharsis to type everything and see it all in words. Coming to terms with the fact that i am still getting over a four-year whirlwind relationship with a girl who still in many ways is the girl of my dreams. We broke up a year and a half ago extremely amicably and responsibly, but the aftershocks of my entire life being uprooted have in no way ceased. We stayed close all through last year through the fucking absurdity of my gender tornado and my ultimate self destruction (which i am still in the early-middle stages of recovering from). The holistic rewiring that must be exacted following such a relationship/breakup (we were convinced through all four years that we would marry each other) has been such a long process, and my current emotional makeup makes so much more sense to me when i remember that i am still "getting over" all of it. Have only had one brush with love since then and that was more an extreme emotional/creative/personal alignment that ended in heartbreak and turmoil but also a friendship i am confident will last for my entire life. The way i always say it is that i can still remember the endless hours in the mornings when i would wake up before her and hold her in her bed, her body fitting perfectly in my arms, her strange breathing and her eyes as she woke, her sleepy voice and face, i can recall all of it immediately, the tenderest moments. This in varying forms for years. The deepest love and the warm knowledge that we shared every emotion for each other. And now the fact that i rationally understand but can't seem to really reckon with is that i will not feel that way again for a very long time. And it is not fair to whomever i am with to constantly measure my relationship with hypothetical new person to the relationship with her (of course when the true power and love returns it will be rapturous and nothing like anything i have ever felt). And at the same time she is continuing her life, and her growth has been staggering and beautiful to watch after we parted--painful, undoubtedly, but if our split was what she needed to grow then it was exactly necessary, i would never want to hold her back (i was). She is with a new boyfriend and this is good. But i can not shake the feeling: i am still here, and though the last time i saw her i realized that i am very much not in love with the person she has become, the fact of our relationship has left a universe-sized footprint on me. I am still here i am still here i am still here. But i feel like i am not, i feel like i am still in some interim, still living in the blast zone of our breakup and the abjection that followed it. Also knowing that she was the best person ive ever met, and though i do not love her now she is still one of the best and most powerful people i have ever known. And then comes the other fact that i spent the first half of this year convincing myself that i could somehow make her love me again, forgive me for all of the destruction i very publicly caused last year, somehow prove that getting back with me would not be an act of cowardice or backstepping. However It is not willed and this is a simple fact. But if she turned around and texted me right now something sweet and said she wanted to see me all amorous-like i would drop everything for her (perhaps not good because i do not really enjoy being around her anymore, but this is still true, i am not writing what i wish was true, i am writing what is true). Then the next question is: what next? I am a young man who feels love for everything and everyone very deeply and the answer of "dont think about falling in love" is not viable. I have tried that route again and again and it feels very bad. and so the answer i suppose is that i must strengthen even further, resolve all of my emotional hangups and potential immaturities, squash out my occasional suicidal flashes (which are obviously very alienating for people who love me), deepen my love for the world, for people, for art, forgo pride and inauthenticity,

increase my comfort and stability in the world and in social relations, increase my skill and power as an artist, fully live in my body, increase ruthless honesty with myself, understand all of my motives and learn to never hurt anyone on accident, be a little less intense, be kinder and more forgiving to myself, truly live, truly be alive and love being alive, and really really get over this breakup (which involves doing silly things like write big paragraphs on tumblr)--all around make myself the best potential boyfriend for the girl whom i love whom i havent met yet who is walking around right now. Man somehow writing all this out listening to my big ambient playlist has made me feel a lot better!

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mountain-lion-gremlin · 3 months

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i'm just wondering how real p-shifting is. i really want to be able to do it, but i don't know if it's something that's real, feasible and worth my time working towards, or if it's not.

i guess something that would help is some sort of proof that it's been done before. if it genuinely has, i absolutely want to get going on my own journey.

and i'm not saying it's impossible, but i just want to learn how possible it is and if current methods lead to genuine results. thanks!

OH OKAY, let me help you a bit fellow anon.

Honestly im not sure how exactly to affirm if it's real or not. I've had evidence such as growing fur strands, half shifting in my sleep, and even learning recently that when I was very little I had p-shifted before. That's just me, I've been a shifter for a long time and eventually came to this through WAY TOO MUCH exploring and asking myself hard questions.

Usually though, the best thing I can tell any curious individual is to just... go through the very first step of being a shifter. Its incredibly helpful, and will answer the majority of present questions at the beginning stage. If you want more details on this I will gladly do a follow-up, but currently I still have to collect and get my facts straight about this first step. More developed guides (such as phenexus weyr and even blaze's guide to shifting) will be much more helpful then what i have to say. Perhaps I'll have a guide to give one day too after all of this 💀

I can tell you though to just go for it. Not start p-shifting i mean, you wont be able to do so for a long time if you eventually figure out you are a p-shifter. Its better to know by exploring instead of just never trying because you are afraid of it not being real.

P-shifting is only a tiny part of being a shifter (as I've said over and over again lol) but similar to theirans our identities live on within us our whole lives. It's just keeping a healthy balance of understanding where you are at and that, usually, you might not be a p-shifter at all and that's OKAY.

Sorry I like talking. Perhaps that could help you a bit if you decide to begin your journey.

REGARDLESS.

i would honestly also love good evidence (images, videos, etc.) of p-shifting actually happening because of the methods that exist. (Disclaimer methods aren't "rituals" that are 100% guaranteed to give you results, they are only building blocks to help you develop your own style when you decide to voluntarily shift)

Ive had to realize that 1.) There is a whole community around it, from all walks of life and information, which gathered to give us the information we have today because they all experienced similar things too. 2.) time and time again there have been stories, from history all the way to now, where people have shifted into creatures and animals constantly. 3.) In truth you find your own evidence eventually, within yourself weirdly enough.

I can't speak for everyone (hell naw) but for me I eventually came to a point where i no longer needed to see from others that p-shifting was real, I knew it was real through my own evidence and experiences. Shifting involves a lot about connecting the dots tbh, sometimes it can take a hot minute to make the right dots connect.

If there is physical evidence out there, nowadays it's so incredibly targeted and never given a chance to believe. Like, honestly, tech is so good nowadays there is no way actual physical evidence could exist within the community anymore.

What im basically trying to say is that although physical evidence can help, at the end of the day you have to find it within yourself to see as true. Nobody can really convince you to believe otherwise 🤷

Thank you for sending the anon, and if you read this and want any more help or expansion on anything, please let me know and I'll be happy to expand. I'll probably stick around for a little longer to answer anything else anyone may want to ask.

#as always others who are also p-shifters are welcome to also help/expand on what I have said.#It's honestly so important to have more than one person telling you information ✨️#p-shift #physical shifting community #physical shifter #physical shifters #physical shifting #physicalshiftingcommunity #real werewolves #proudphysicalshifters #proudphysicalshifter #mountain lion.txt #real supernaturals #p shifters #p shift #p shifter #also please do not be an asshole and put your opinion on how much you hate p-shifting on here. Doesn't help and you'll just be blocked 🤠#im looking for people to give advice and help not be hatersss

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bugflies00 · 1 year

Text

ok its time for my. traditional post-stream moment (well. post-vod considering the circumstances) where i try to condense all my thoughts into a singular post especially rn since i didn’t liveblog so people not watching don’t have to see it

dsmp spoilers obviously

um. okay uh well first off im still crying, that should give you…? an idea of the effect this stream had on me…?

im still holding onto hope for this story to be about healing but if it ends grim and the only hope is ‘oooh volume II blank slate woo’ i don’t know what i’ll do with myself LOL (despair). but i’d like to think if wilbur didn’t kill off his character. i’d like to think tommy wouldn’t either. but like always in extremely tense dangerous points in the story before i’ve never believed they would die like i never thought cwilbur would die yknow. but i think. well this is the most scared ive been for lore since um well ever actually i think

first off. gonna try to avoid talking about dream as much as possible even his character. just hope people aren’t gonna take the justifications he and cpunz give for the . Horribly Fucked Up shit theyre doing as valid and start running with ‘oooh cdream was in the right and the victim all along!!’ but who am i kidding they probably have already. ill admit i didn’t see the hydra-type plan coming, with one not being killable if the other’s alive so that was a twist

UMM lord that whole lava room scene was . indescribable levels of fucked up and dont get me started on how cdream managed to convince ctommy that all the shit and abuse he’s suffered (even up to doomsday) was HIS FAULT and we see that resurface not even an hour later when ctommy tells ctubbo every bad situation theyve had since the start of the server has been his fault. don’t get me started

when they broke character because tommy couldnt do the stunt of aiming the throw of the discs JDJZDJJDSJ appreciated the break of the tension it made everything worse after in comparison. even tommy said he was on the ‘verge of tears irl before that’

and then the nuke. we got SO SO CLOSE to an acknowledgment of the nuke plan. of c!rocketduo’s plan to kill ctommy. but honestly while we didn’t get it outwardly i’ll take ctommy hesitance and like. pause after ctubbo said cjack helped him & ctommy brought up the explosion near him as him putting together the pieces. ill pretend just for my own sake. SPEAKING OF ctommy now knows cranboo was the one who set up the explosions (under mind control obviously) that stuck him in the prison with cdream and got him killed!!! can this boy catch a break. well he’s dying tomorrow so i guess he’s getting a very long break (<- just cried for an hour at that prospect)

and then. ctommy setting up the plan to trade his life for everyone else’s.

okay so like we all saw it coming but Ummmmmmmm well still a punch to the gut. Ummmmmmm. Ummmmm dealing well with this info. also ctommy screaming at ctubbo to ‘stop being optimistic’ and ‘its over, theyve lost’ and how he needs to just do this and die and its the end. Hahahahhahaha disc war finale roles flipped amirite. now ctubbos desperately clinging onto an alternate solution and ctommys the one who’s so jaded, so desperate that he’s convinced he needs to die (and that he deserves to. let’s be real ctommy thinks he deserves to die because he believes he’s at fault for the shit he and the others have been through. and if he dies without anyone having fucking proved him wrong. well.)

and like in my mind this story has always been about healing, like i said. and i’d genuinely be surprised if tommy chose an absolutely grim ending for his character (dying for everyone, sure a hero’s death, but dying still thinking he’s at fault for it all. that’s not just tragic that’s unnecessary.) but yknow at this point

the part that got me the worst was the whole bit after they started walking away from the nuke site. like they started walking towards and on the prime path and talking about how it was the last time and Uhm wellllllllll yes so maybe i cried fuck off . like the LAST TIME do you realise this???? LAST TIME c!clingyduo walked the prime path. and when ctommy started talking about lmanberg. looking at the flag. ASKING CTUBBO THAT, AFTER HIS DEATH, THE FLAG BE PUT UP THERE TO FLY IN THE WIND. ASKING CTUBBO TO TELL EVERYONE, INCLUDING HIS SON AND HIS SON’S CHILDREN, THE STORIES OF THEM AND THE OTHERS AND LMANBERG. looking at the lmanberg pictures. sitting on the bench together but there’s no music anymore because the discs are gone but that’s alright, it’s so pretty, look at the sunset tommy isn’t it so pretty? yeah it is. i’m gonna die tomorrow tubbo

like its all always been about lmanberg because it was about them. and i know people are gonna run with cpunz’s ‘nations exclude those not part of it’ argument, but lmanberg was about the community. like ill never say this enough lmanberg was literally family like that’s what they were all fighting for or clinging onto or running away from . and it was their project and to cwilbur it was ctommy and they were all important but ctommy was the heart of it all. he gave everything for it, for them really. over and over and now he wants ctubbo to tell those stories after he’s gone because he plans to walk in tomorrow at eighteen years old in a place where he’s only known trauma and death, walk in there and lure his abuser and his partner and then take a nuke for everyone. youngest one on that server. and yeah they’re not kids anymore (according to them) but they are they’re fucking kids ctommy is so tragic i feel fucking ill

and now its past midnight meaning Today is. final ctommy stream ever. Um well it has not sinked in yet. two years and probably my favourite character of all time ending Today and most likely dying. brother i don’t know what i’ll do with myself if he dies im genuinely so embarrassingly attached to this character and the others and this story. and so much of it feels so hollow when they walk around the server and there’s no one. idk whatever happens tomorrow i’ll still be so fucking glad for this story no matter how fucked up some things have been recently and no matter how much wasted potential there was. this is disgustingly sappy but tbh you clicked ‘read more’ on this post like u signed up for this. anyway ctommy my shining star whatever happens tomorrow youve been the best ever🌟🌟🌟 my favourite little guy in the whole wide world literally a star

#ctommy ur my ctommy saayyy iit to meeeeee #girl please dont die tomorrow ill actually be devastated LMAO #alex.rambles.txt #c!tommy #c!clingyduo #c!tubbo #mcyt #dsmp spoilers

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