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waywardsalt · 7 months

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Hi! I hope you’re doing good in life! So it’s spooky season so I have an ask related to that. I don’t know if you play horror video games, watch horror movies/shows, or read horror books, but if you do, I have to ask: What is the most disturbing book, or video game or show/movie that you’ve played/watched/read? In my opinion, there is two types of horror: the ones that scare you, and the ones that traumatize you. If you can think of any book, movie, or game that really kind of fucked you up, I’m curious to know if you feel like answering. I hope you have a good day and a good life.

Hey, I’m doing good and I hope you are too!

the answer ended up being really long lol

Woof, this is honestly a pretty hard question, since I can't really name any horror (or otherwise) media that actually left me kind of fucked up for a bit, at least not to the degree where it affected me for a while. I probably haven't been really fucked up by anything since I was a kid, so I'll try and recall what a few things fucked me up back then...

Off the top of my head I know that two different spongebob episodes got me bad, the first being one with that tunnel of love thing (tho tbh i havent seen it in a while so it might still spook me today) and the one where i'm pretty sure for whatever reason squidward gets locked in some small locker and has some kind of fucked up dream, whatever that was. I remember there was an eagle in that one. the eagle terrified me. (i looked them up, and the first episode is titled 'tunnel of glove' and the second is 'squidward in clarinetland'. with how badly that second one got to me, i'm surprised i ended up learning to play the clarinet at all)

other than that, i think the courage the cowardly dog episode 'the house of discontent' got me pretty bad, too, but i think everyone who saw any amount of that series as a kid has at least one episode that got them fucked up.

there's probably a handful of scooby-doo stuff that got to me when i was a kid, but i could not name any specifics (asides from charlie the robot's original episode, christ) because i think i managed to see just about every bit of available scooby media around that time.

nowadays stuff still does kinda fuck me up, but it's usually only for brief bits of time. the most recent example I can think of is cowboy bebop's 20's episode, pierrot le fou, which is honestly some great horror, especially how it uses the show's typical format and flips it on it's head, but i wouldn't necessarily say it got to me because of it being scary, more because of the way the ending disturbed me for a bit. it was the only episode that had me stop afterwards and really look into it for anything other than clarifying a character's gender, lol.

the endings of both neon genesis evangelion and end of evangelion had me shaken, the latter more so than the former, but not really due to horror aspects, though. i did have to take a walk after finishing end of evangelion. i don't really watch horror movies, i just... read the wikipedia plot descriptions of them.

honestly, i think some of the more popular youtube analogue horror series have gotten to me worse (likely due to the fact that they can get a bit more fucked up than, say, a tv show or movie), specifically the walten files (which i did watch) and the mandela catalogue (which i just watched wendigoon's vids on), and those two and mostly because facial distortion is generally just an incredibly effective form of horror imo. a lot of the time (esp with the childhood examples) the way i was 'fucked up' was that id be in be visualizing the stuff that scared me, and both the mandela catalogue and the walten files had me doing that for a bit.

now that i remember it, i was really scared of fnaf when it first came out. i first learned of it second-hand from seeing some other kids looking into it, and the bits and pieces i put together about it really scared me.

honestly, it's usually straight-up disturbing sequences or imagery that gets to me the most, and i know my limits well enough to generally identify and avoid that stuff, which is probably why i don't have too many recent examples. i've got one or two examples of non-horror movies that fucked me up as a kid, but that's mostly because they were wildly inappropriate for someone of my age (at the time) to be witnessing, so that's a different sort of topic.

i mean, i think i generally have a decent tolerance for fucked up stuff in media, anyways, i mean, i enjoy berserk and haven't really been too upset or disturbed by what happens in it (look theres some nasty shit in there im not saying its not that bad) so there's definitionally some kind of line that media needs to cross to really get to me nowadays, or it just needs to be a specific kind of fucked up. books generally don't do that for me so i don't have any book examples. no games, either, though shadow mario and the haunted house segments in super mario 3d world scared me so much that i had to make my mom do the levels for me, and i'm pretty sure scooby doo: first frights scared me a bit when i first played it on ds.

other than that, though, I just think that, in pokemon x, the story that an npc tells you during your first trip to route 14 and then the strange office building encounter with the animation-less hex maniac creeped me out pretty bad.

yeah, it's kind of hard for me to think of anything (recent) that actually really fucked me up or anything. most stuff just scared me, never really fucked me up or figuratively traumatized me in recent years.

#asks #zeldanamikaze #salty talks #i think for media to really fuck me up there has to be some kind of intense emotional aspect to it or have some specific visual stuff #my enjoying of berserk is proof that it takes specific stuff to really get to me. the way i tested if id be fine reading berserk is so #fucked in hindsight. i straight up looked up the two most infamous eclipse chapters online and read them to make sure id be fine #what the fuck. i just dove in head first fucking god #anyways yeah. like berserk is generally fine for me but cowboy bebop episode 20 did have me a lil fucked up. its so good #ive been looking more into horror stuff recently and i have a lot of respect for (well-executed) horror games like damn. i wanna play #silent hill 2 so bad. it's a really interesting genre when pulled off effectively on a level deeper than just 'oh look at this scary thing'#anyways. i recently watched mononoke and its not really horror just kinda unsettling. its so fucking good #tbh tho there are some fanfics ive read that did actually fuck me up (which is why i kinda have an aversion to angst)#but i didnt want to talk abt those bc i dont want to name names or anything. theyre good fics they just affected me pretty negatively #generally its more like. freaky irl things that fuck me up but thats not fun to talk about its just like. depressing #sorry it took so long to reply to this i hadnt really sat down to write it or anything an just. couldnt think of much lol #anyways ig bottom line is that its more likely for non-horror stuff to fuck me up? or its gotta be specific stuff idk #i played a few hours of portal 1 at a friends house years ago and for some reason it creeped me out a whole lot #strangely enough i dont think scooby doo mystery incorporated fucked me up when i first watched it #i think there was like 1 episode that scared me more than the rest but it was never too bad #and that show is regarded as likely the most actually scary scooby thing. its rlly good #im pretty sure scooby doo was my first (or one of my first) special interest #also (similarly) i dont really get nightmares too often my dreams are just kinda really weird most of the time #i did actually have like. a scary dream recently but i dont know if id fully call it a nightmare

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phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust · 3 years

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It annoys me when people complain about Julian and call him “whiny “. The person that John hurt the most throughout his whole life is his own son! I feel like this gets glossed over because he was more attentive to Sean “At least he was a good father to one of his children”. John failed Julian massively. Having Sean should’ve motivated him to try harder with Julian but I feel like it demotivated him because he realised how much of Julian’s life he missed and that made him feel bad about himself. Even in May’s book she says that John would’ve avoided Julian for the rest of his life to avoid feeling bad about himself & the choices he made with his life. And even when he got his visa he was happy to fly to other countries but not the country containing his son! I mean c’mon that’s very shitty and inexcusable. People can’t relate to John’s callous treatment of Julian so it’s downplayed and undermined by the excuse of “Oh well, John was better with Sean”. I know John appeared more motivated towards the end but doesn’t absolve him of the damage and pain he already caused to his son.

I try to understand John’s neglect of Julian from his perspective - I don’t want to excuse or justify it, but I still want to know what was going through his head to make him treat Julian the way he did - but I just can’t really understand it in the same way I feel like I can empathise with a lot of John’s other flaws. Like I feel like I can understand Johns mistreatment of certain people, or his mood swings, or his anger etc. But when it comes to Julian I struggle to understand him, and I just think its such a shame that Julian never got the closure he deserved with John. But I guess a few things to keep in mind when discussing this are:

1. Alfs abandonment

That Johns father, Alfred, abandoned him at such a young age, this might have affected John in such a way that made connecting with children a real challenge. Of course, he ideally still would’ve made an effort to connect with Julian more - but I guess that this was 1963, and he was someone who at this point had had absolutely no therapy. John’s own father I think was placed in an orphanage around the age of 5, so this neglect and abandonment appeared to be a bit of a cycle within the Lennon family-tree. Alf didn’t develop the neurones to be able to connect with his son the way a father ideally should be able to, and therefore John had trouble forming these connections too.

A real tragic story regarding this disconnect is one that ive heard Paul tell a few times (see this interview at 6:24 to hear him tell it). He essentially compares his ability to just naturally connect with children, to John’s inability to do the same; Paul grew up in a household where children and babies alike were around all the time - and in addition to this, there seemed to have been a lot more affection involved in his early environment compared to Johns. So when Paul was able to pal around at ease with Julian, John asked “How do you do that?” - and its unfortunately just not something you can just learn. I think John did want to be able to relate to Julian, and a part of him wanted to be a real dad - but I guess he just lacked the initiative to do so, as well as not having the needed facilities provided for him to be able to function as “good” parent (< or in other words, that man needed alottttttttt of therapy omg—)

2. Aunt Mimi’s coldness

I think by now its sort of been established that im not Mimi’s no. 1 fan - I don’t hate her, and I think she genuinely loved John, but ive been pretty critical of what I perceive her parenting style to be like. One aspect of this parenting style is that I think she was cold and deprecating towards John, which I presume took a toll on his relationships in such a way that made him susceptible to cynicism and even bitter contempt towards those he loved most.

“She never hit him: her worst punishment was to ignore him…When she did, he’d plead, ‘Don’t ‘nore me, Mimi!’” - I think that this type of parenting style could have effected the way John relates to Julian, perhaps making him feel it was okay to abandon him, maybe as a result of some unrecognised childhood angst or revenge.

Theres also a story where I think John said something to Julian a long the lines of, “I hate your laugh!”. Like, Jules was just some four year old living his life and then John, his own father, had this massive fucking mood swing. I feel bad for Julian cause my parents were like this (had random fucking mood swings and said some pretty contemptuous things) so I can empathise with him. At the same time though, I feel like I can understand John getting these mood swings (although, I don’t think that showing that kind of contempt towards a child is at all acceptable, and assuming that this sort of thing was a regular occurrence, I would say he was emotionally abusive towards Julian. Maybe John got these mood swings from Mimi (check this post for more on that).

3. Yoko’s influence and isolation

I think we first have to take into account here that John had a history of neglecting and failing Julian, and from what im aware of, he only started making contact with him again during his ‘Lost Weekend’ after being encouraged to do so by May Pang. So I don’t think we can make Yoko take all the blame for Johns neglect of Julian (and certainly not his emotional abuse towards Julian). But I think we have to also account for the fact that Julian has stated Yoko would refuse to put him through when he would ring his dad. And I just don’t know how much John had to do with that - as in, I don’t if John knew Yoko was isolating him to the extent that she did, or if he was unaware that she was rejecting several important and significant figures in his life.

For what its worth, Julia Baird wrote in her memoir of John urging (or really, begging) her to go to Cynthias house and ask Julian to phone him, because he hadn’t been able to get through to Julian, and he was trying to construct a better relationship with him around this time (this was before Sean was born, like you said, he seemed to lose motivation with Julian after Sean was born). I don’t know why Julian wasn’t taking his calls around this time - John seemed to think it had something to do with Cynthia, perhaps it was an autonomous decision made by Julian, perhaps it was entirely just a misunderstanding; I don’t know.

When it comes to Yoko, im conflicted - to some extent, I think John was being manipulated by her, and she was clearly isolating (even abusing) him - but also, he’s a grown man, and so he had to take the initiative for his own life. So I don’t know, but id say she is still partly responsible for spoiling Johns relationship with Julian.

~ ~ ~

At the end of the day, all I can really say is that John was just a classic case of parents needing therapy before they start, y’know, parenting - but it was 1963, and thats just not something most people underwent back then, especially people with more complex and unrecognised traumas, as well as mental illnesses that, whilst prevalent, may not have been so apparent. To clarify that point, I think John could function well-enough in his day to day life to be able to get by, because I don’t think his traits of mental illness tended to disrupt his life to such a degree that he could not function (at least not in 1963, though in later years, id argue more so they did; but even still, I don’t think John tended to struggle with mania or psychosis etc.) But I think he was still dealing with mental illness in a way that wrecked almost all meaningful relationships for him, as well as made feeling love and functioning as an emotionally stable and consistent person, a real hardship and challenge for him. And this inability to feel loved and cared for etc. made being a parent, quite simply, impractical. He needed therapy, and its a shame he died before ever receiving real therapy because it would’ve been interesting to see how John might have come to terms with really acknowledging his failures as a parent, and because Julian might have gotten some real closure with his dad.

All in all, I think Phillip Larkin said it best

#sorry this took a minute #these aren’t all my thoughts on John and Julians relationship btw #i have MANYYY more obviously #but these are just 3 things to consider i guess #asks #anon #discussion #julian #abuse #john lennon #john #johns psyche #alfred lennon #bpd #cynthia lennon #cynthia powell #paul mccartney #julian lennon #complex relationships

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faunusrights · 3 years

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what is going on with all the bias on robyn hill’s wiki page, anyway? - an aside

As someone who uses the RWBY wiki with some degree of frequency - often because I’m looking for art references, or Semblance and weapon names - I’m used to... some amount of bias in the articles for different characters? Like, let’s be real, it’s not a perfect wiki! Community-maintained stuff isn’t easy to all keep on the same track! But, generally, it gives the facts well enough and doesn’t do too bad a job keeping all the balls in the air when it comes to new information from all four corners of this franchise.

Well, until you open the article for Robyn Hill, and realise it’s an absolute disaster. Like, really; the impartial voice just plain doesn’t exist for her, and almost all of her wiki is written in such a way that she reads as being an absolutely insufferable, hostile, hard-to-like character. Even if you aren’t a fan of Robyn personally, you have to admit that if you hadn’t seen the show yourself, you might very well come away from her article presuming she’s a major antagonist of Volumes 7 and 8.

Like, for instance, let’s take a look at the first paragraph of her Personality section:

Robyn has a direct and confident personality, having no trouble being confrontational with Atlas personnel, including the Ace Operatives. Robyn also seems to suffer from overconfidence and arrogance, shown in her encounters with Ruby and celebrating her election victory before it was verified. She is aggressive and hostile in nature, quickly jumping to conflict without thinking through consequences. However, she is also shown to be reasonable when the situation calls for it.

And, for good measure, here’s another paragraph from the same section:

In "With Friends Like These" Robyn displayed a rather impulsive side of her personality, when upon hearing that James Ironwood's plan to abandon Mantle and arrest those against him, she started a fight between herself, Clover Ebi, and Qrow Branwen onboard a Manta with Tyrian Callows in custody. Despite the fact, there was no order or her arrest. Her brashness led to Tyrian breaking free and crashing the Manta as well as her becoming unconscious.

(Taken from Robyn’s RWBY Wiki page. Bolding is mine.)

In every instance here, all of the “negative” aspects of her personality take centre stage; she’s confrontational. She suffers from arrogance. She is aggressive and hostile. She started the fight. Her brashness led to the crash. All of this is only compounded when her positive traits trail behind as an afterthought; she’s direct and confrontational, overconfident and arrogant, aggressive and hostile, impulsive and jumps to conclusions... but hey! As least she’s reasonable when the situation calls for it.

The way that this information is presented to the reader is quite literally on par with how the wiki presents the personalities of the actual literal villains who appear throughout the show. Let’s take, for instance, the Personality section of Cinder Fall:

Cinder is ruthless and sadistic, as demonstrated when she delivers a killing blow to a clearly defeated Pyrrha Nikos in "End of the Beginning" and when she throws a spear at a defenseless Weiss Schnee in "The More the Merrier." She is relentlessly driven to gain power and determined to cross any line to obtain it. Cinder demonstrates a cunning that shows in her successful manipulation of events and people throughout the first three volumes. Cinder is also arrogant and egomaniacal, and as such, relishes in dominance and gloating, displaying shameless pleasure in the misery she has caused others.

Or, the Personality section of Raven Branwen:

Raven is cynical, patronizing, selfish and stubborn. She believed her act of "kindness" of saving Yang's life from Neopolitan was sufficient despite having left Yang at a very young age and refused to protect her daughter when in need after that.

Raven is also very prideful and hypocritical, refusing to acknowledge her faults and always trying to justify her actions both to others and to herself, often putting the blame on others for them even if she feels real guilt about them.

It makes sense that for an antagonist, the primary faults and flaws of their personalities will come first, as to better represent them as the villains to clarify to the reader who they are and why they act as they do in their storylines. However, the fact that Robyn arguably has an even more caustic write-up then Raven, despite not being an antagonist, goes to show the lengths this writer has gone to present her in a significantly more negative light than she ever appears in the show.

If this doesn’t seem convincing, let’s look at a more direct comparison; what does the wiki say about Ironwood? He’s present in the same seasons, and has now become more of an antagonist in the latter episodes; is the wiki quite as blunt about his flaws?

Ironwood is courteous to his allies, as shown by his first onscreen interaction with Ozpin and Glynda Goodwitch. He is also far-thinking and tactical, wondering about the future, as seen when he speaks to Ozpin about Qrow Branwen's message. He also has a jovial, friendly, humorous and proud public persona, which he uses as a spokesman for the weapon manufacturers of Atlas.

However, as courteous Ironwood may appear, he can also be incredibly blunt, often preferring the direct approach. When he feels necessary, Ironwood is not afraid to bring the full might of his military command to bear, which sparked disagreements with both Glynda and Ozpin. Nevertheless, Ironwood is extremely loyal to his comrades, and however questionable his methods may be, he seems to have genuinely good intentions behind them.

Uh, no.

Instead, when his flaws are mentioned (for example, being blunt), it’s written in a significantly less... abrasive manner. It’s referred to as the direct approach, versus Robyn who is described as confrontational. Even then, his flaws are folded in to his (alleged) positive traits; he is not afraid, extremely loyal, and has genuinely good intentions, despite the fact that the show has now proven that Ironwood’s flaws greatly outweigh these. It reveals how thoroughly all of Robyn’s actions are presented as the work of an arrogant troublemaker, whilst Ironwood’s actions are presented as the efforts of a man working towards some greater good.

Also, I’ll add that in both examples, I used the first two paragraphs of their Personality sections. These are both the first two things you read about these characters, yet look at how differently they’re summarised.

What is interesting, however, is that despite this bias being extremely self-evident, the comments on her page generally chime agreement, referring to her as “overconfident, arrogant, impulsive and hotheaded to the point of being unlikable”, and claiming that she’s “literally the worse character in the show next to cinder, blake and yang”[1]. Someone mentions that Robyn has earned quite the hatedom... but why?

Broadly, my experiences of Robyn Hill’s writing in the fandom has been through a queer lens, and the vast majority of writers who’ve covered her and the Happy Huntresses have been women, or queer, or trans, or all the above... basically, the people who are usually responsible for a vast majority of fanfiction, let’s be real. These writers love Robyn, and have explored and extrapolated on her character to marvellous degree. Yet, at no singular point have any of these flaws ever been written quite as strongly as the wiki implies they are, nor have I seen much evidence of them myself in the show. For instance, let’s take one of the more serious points in her Personality section; she started a fight between herself, Clover Ebi, and Qrow Branwen [...] her brashness led to Tyrian breaking free and crashing the Manta as well as her becoming unconscious.

When we watch this scene again, Robyn did initiate the fight... because she was rightfully aware that Clover would obey his orders, even if they were wrong. Despite everything that happened prior in the entirety of Volume 7, when given orders to bring Qrow in alongside RWBY, it was clear that Clover fully intended to follow it through, which Robyn knows from prior experience with the AceOps:

[image ID: two images of Clover, Robyn and Qrow in the dark-grey interior of the Manta ship. Robyn has her weapon aimed at Clover as he stands in front of Qrow. Clover is saying “Only Qrow is under arrest [...] please don’t make me arrest you too.”]

Her knowledge of the AceOps means that she reacted accordingly; trying to stop him from taking Qrow in and obeying Ironwood’s plan the only way she knows the AceOps respond to. Her reaction isn’t unwarranted. However, my point isn’t to argue that Robyn was right or wrong, but rather that regardless of who started the fight, the way the wiki explains this specific incident is that it’s solely Robyn’s fault that Tyrian escaped and crashed the Manta, but we know this isn’t the case. Robyn and Qrow both fought Clover, and it was Clover’s good luck (or Qrow’s bad luck, depending on how you view it) that allowed for Kingfisher to break Tyrian’s bonds. Her brashness is blamed for the outcome, but in reality, this outcome could have been avoided together if Clover had not chosen to follow his orders and bring in an innocent man. Also, she didn’t crash the Manta! That was all Tyrian! The intentional tying together of these two events as her fault, however, are a neat package of blame.

In these instances on the wiki, Robyn’s personality appears amplified, focusing specifically on her flaws and exaggerating them to the extremes that, as noted earlier, matches the language used to define the very villains of the series. Yet, the people who enjoy her and the Happy Huntresses often perceive those same flaws to a significantly lesser extent, or even see those flaws as actually being boons of her character; for instance, reading her alleged arrogance as passion. So, why such division?

Before, I mentioned her “negative” traits, and I put this into quote marks because traits don’t always align nicely into good and bad. All aspects of a person can vary on how positive they are based on context - even the show proves this, with protectiveness becoming paranoia (Ironwood) or loyalty becoming subservience (Winter). Even a character that is broadly composed of more unfavourable traits can have this contextual shift; Cinder’s stubbornness to her goals makes her a fast learner and a tenacious opponent.

Yet, why did the writer (or writers) choose to highlight almost every aspect of Robyn’s character as a bad thing? Why did they frame her decisions as such? I have a suspicion it’s to do with her character at large; she’s a bold socialist politician who believes in equality and fairness for all, who refuses to stand for incompetence and obedience towards evil causes. She’s outspoken in her views, and reacts strongly to those who threaten to overturn her work. Also, she’s a woman, in charge of a group of other women, at least one of whom is canonically trans. To those who agree with her in real life, Robyn appears as a great character! We admire her work ethic and we support her ends. To those who may not... well, it’s not hard to see how they might perceive her as more of a cocky, authority-defying upstart. Of course, the core text of RWBY doesn’t quite believe the latter; RWBY has always placed Robyn as the direct counter to authoritarianism, whether it be Jacques, Clover, or Ironwood, and even the article admits that she is a potent voice for the people of Mantle. Still, it’s clear that there’s plenty of people in a vocal minority who are deeply dissatisfied by Robyn, and aren’t afraid to make their stance on the matter exceedingly clear.

So, what does this all mean? Well, here’s what we can say for sure; Robyn’s article is, and has always been, stringently biased against her character, and often misconstrues her motives and decisions. This is maybe the more obvious part, but how should her article be worded to make this less so? Likely, I’d rephrase a lot of it to be less damaging to her character; she isn’t hostile, she holds people accountable. She isn’t quick to jump to conflict, she is familiar with how Atlas responds to anti-authority with violence. She isn’t arrogant, she believes in the power of the people as being the right thing to fight for. Even this makes it clearer that her character is about resisting the oppression inherent in Atlas, and is a much clearer outline of her personality as a whole. People may disagree with this phrasing and summary also, but given her character is based on Robin Hood, it’s also not far from the mark in terms of what she should represent.

TL;DR: Robyn’s wiki page is written with a deep bias against her character and what she represents, acts upon, and chooses to do in the show; I have no doubt that in canon, this sort of language would probably be used by Jacques himself as a smear campaign, haha. Whilst I can’t speak for the author and their motives, I have a distinct feeling that this article was written, or edited, by someone who is either:

not a fan of Robyn

not a fan of a new female character

not a fan of a new female character in a position of power

not a fan of a character with socialist/communist/antifa ideals

all of the above and then some???

Even though I’m not going to edit her wiki page (I’m very shy and I’ve never done it before), I think it’s worth analysing this if only as a reminder of the inherent biases of an author even when people are trying to present a character’s information impartially. This isn’t the first wiki I’ve seen misconstrue - or even make incorrect assumptions on - facts about a character, and it won’t be the last. In the meantime, though, I leave you with this fact:

Robyn Hill slaps huge nuts and I love her.

[1] I’m not naming the users who posted these things here, because it’s unnecessary. You can find them for yourself at the bottom of Robyn’s wiki, but there’s no need to respond; some people just don’t like Robyn, and that’s fine - I’m just explaining how bias leaks into wikis like water into a sponge. It happens!

#rwby #rwde #robyn hill #murphy's thoughts and vibes on this shit (again)#is this a new tag #i haven't really written this well and it was sort of off the cuff so sorry if there's mistake #*mistakes #LMAO #i just wanted to lay my Thoughts out #i swear if even one person msgs me like 'but robyn DOES suck' im banishing you to the Spray Cheese Hell Dimension #also im tagging as rwde but its not rwde against the show (FOR ONCE??) so

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aperrywilliams · 4 years

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A Normal Conversation Ch02 (Spencer Reid x Maxine Brenner)

Previous Chapter / Ch02 / Next Chapter

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Chapter 02: The second walk

Summary: What about a second walk in the park for Spencer and Max?

Word Count: 1426

Rating: Soft for now… well, time will tell.

A/N: I think this story will be a lot of chapters… hope you like.

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“Hello... again” Spencer said when she approached Max.

“You found… me” she said a little stunned “apparently you're really good in your job, huh?” she tried to joke.

“Thank you. I… I thought maybe… if I couldn't find you here, I will need to activate the GPS locator that I put in your purse...” Spencer said it containing the lie as if he were a kid. Max hesitated only a second and started laughing.

“Well, is really good that it wasn't necessary. It would have been something ... odd” she said with a grimace and looking at him with disapproving eyes.

“I know, bad joke…” Spencer said, trying that Max doesn’t think he is weirder than she may already thinking he is.

“And how is the baby?” Max asked suddenly.

“The baby?” Spencer was stunned with the change of subject.

“Your friend's daughter who was just born...?” Max was surprised that Spencer did not understand her question.

“Ah, ‘that’ baby. Rose!. Eh, I suppose she is ok, I don’t ... I didn’t see her” he answered.

“I thought you had gone to do that...” Max said puzzled.

“Yes, in fact, yes. I did ... but no, I didn't see her. I mean, I was there, but I left when… when they told us she was born… and everything was fine with her a her mom” Spencer had trouble explaining the situation, sounding unnecessarily tangled.

“Ahh, didn't you want to see her then?” Max asked trying to get a better understanding of the story.

“No, I mean… yes, I really wanted to see her ... but ... but it had taken me longer to come back here and… I didn't want to lose...” he stuttered a bit. “I didn’t want to take too much longer and to found that you were gone”.

“How did you know I was here?” Max inquired with curiosity.

“I didn’t… but I really wanted it” Spencer said it looking her straight in the eyes. Max shuddered a little and tried to ‘get off the topic’.

“Well ... since none of us knew it ... and it happened ... do you want to walk a while?” she answered rising quickly from the table where she was sitting.

“Yeah right!” said Reid nodding and waiting for her to start walking to go behind her.

They walked for a while in silence, seeing the people around them and the park’s lanterns which were completely on. Before the silence became awkward, Spencer asked.

“Do you come here often?” he did a turning gest with one of his fingers referring to the park avoiding her look.

“Yes. Sammy likes to come. I bring him whenever I can” Max said.

“Sammy is a splendid boy” Spencer stated.

“Yes, he is. I really care about him” Max added.

“Is that why you almost hit him when you saw him talking to me today?” he said it with a reproachfully tone looking Max.

“What? No, no ... I wasn't hit...” Max said with some irritation, trying to clarify the matter. Spencer looked at her and he couldn't stop laughing. “OK. I got it. But you must admit that it is not very calming to see your nephew talking and trying to touch a stranger”.

“I agree. But he insisted on touching my hair and I just backed away” Spencer fought back.

“I know. Sammy is an impulsive kid sometimes… must be something family related” Max added.

“Are you saying it for his mom or for his dad?” Spencer tried to guess.

“The truth?… I said it for me...” The second she said it she regretted it.

“Do you consider yourself an impulsive person? Wow...” Spencer was very interested.

“I mean, at least I was like that ... it's normal when you're young, right?” Max rushed to respond.

“I can't agree ... at least in my case. Although I could bet... and I know... that I'm a strange case in this world” Spencer said with a grimace of resignation.

“Well, with 3 graduate degrees I don't think you enjoyed your tender youth very much” Max postulated.

“You're right ...” Spencer nodded and said “That's why I can't talk much on what it is to ‘lead’ a normal life”.

“Yes, I remembered your homework this afternoon: ‘have a normal conversation’” said Max with a bit of indolence.

“I insist that when you say it that way it doesn't sound like a good thing...” Spencer complained.

“But it is the truth. ‘This’ could be an experiment for your 4th thesis” Max said it with a bit of disappointment in her voice. Spencer looked at Max a minute and tried to figure out why she was recriminating him in that way.

“I said or did something wrong?” Spencer asked. Max realized that the last thing she said didn’t sound very kind.

“No. No. Is nothing. Forget it. I didn't mean to be hurtful” Max tried to soften his tone.

“Okay ... but ... if I said something wrong, I'm sorry”

“No, you didn´t say anything wrong ... and maybe that's the problem” she said. Both stopped in front of a fount. Spencer searched Max's look and for a second they looked each other saying nothing. But Spencer couldn't avoid to speak.

“Do you want me to give you a reason to run away? An escape sign? Are you looking for my worst defect so you don't have to talk to me again?” Max fully understood Spencer's criticism and she wanted to be honest in answering.

“Time has proved me I’m right ... believe me, there is always something to run away for” Max said with a serious tone.

“Please don't judge me so soon. I have as many defects as any one, I know, but it's not fair that you assumed them without knowing me” Max realized that Spencer's face darkened.

“Ok… you are right” she said, trying to improve the situation “it seems me fair” she extended her hand and added “from now on, without any prejudice, ok?”. Spencer understood Max's gesture and extended his hand to give it a gentle squeeze as a sign of agreement.

“Without any prejudice” he repeated.

They restarted their walk, but now walking out of the park. Tacitly they both knew it was time to go home. They came to the end of the park and they stopped walking. Both looked each other for a minute without said nothing. Max’s started to talking.

“It's getting late. I think it's better if I go home” Max said.

“Yes, I should go home too” said Reid.

“It really has been a very interesting day. Thank you” said Max.

“No, you don´t have to. I really enjoyed talking… with you today” added Spencer.

“Goodbye then…” Max tap Spencer's forearm as a goodbye and she turned to cross the street.

“Wait!” Reid shouted before Max started crossing the street. “This time ... will you give me your phone number? I really don't want to put a GPS in your purse” he smiled remembering his previous joke. Max turned and approached to him.

“Okay. But give me your phone”. Spencer was confused but he did what Max asked him to do. She started entering her number on Spencer´s cell phone.

“I could have entering the number my own” Spencer chuckled.

“Yes, I know. But I don't want to appear as ‘Maxine’ in your caller ID...” said Max while she continues typing on Spencer’s cell phone.

“Only Max… I get it” Spencer nodded.

“It’s ready. I will be an old fashioned girl and I'll wait for you to call me”. Saying this, she gave his cell phone back.

“Okay. I will” he said convinced.

“Oh, one more thing” said Max, approaching Spencer again.

“What?” He asked curiously.

“Goodbye Spencer” she rose a little on her feet and kissed him on the cheek. Solemnly and without looking him, she simply walked straight across the street.

Spencer was speechless while he was seeing she walked away from the place. He was still impressed by that warm kiss on his cheek. Then, he checked his cell phone to look that Max really had wrote down his phone number. He laughed when he saw the inscribed name "Max 'normal conversation' Brenner". “Yeah, right” he said to himself “Max Brenner you gave me a good lecture today”. He kept the cell phone in his pants pocket and started to walk to his apartment. The air was cold, but he thought walking worth it that moment. Off of doubt he thought that whole afternoon had certainly been worth it.

-------

#spencer reid #maxine brenner #maxcer #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfiction

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noxus-the-venomous-blog · 5 years

Text

Part 3.02 Where is your head?

“This is a joke right?! I literally just came from the Science Division,” Ed said in frustration.

“And they sent you here? They radioed us saying they sent the load to engineering but needed something else taken that way.”

“WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!”

“Calm down poison puff,” the rank two grumbled with little patience left, “it means you need to head back to Science and get the new load, should look like a clipboard, then take that to Engineering who will give you the package for Science as well as the new keycard you’re going to need.”

“Wait… Isn't this Engineering?” Ed felt a slight twitch in his eye. His heart was beating like a war drum.

“Nooooo this is S Division. It's like a legal department.”

“So I have to walk all the way back to the first cave elevator?” he sighed admitting his defeat. When he had signed up to infiltrate this place he expected an exciting game of psychological cat and mouse, instead of a ridgid trip to the proverbial villainous version of the DMV. Or was this the cat and mouse game?

“Don't go all the way back to the elevator, that's the long way. Follow the signs for H Division up around P Division. It takes you the back way. When you get to H, turn around by the smoke fountain and head down the corridor between the mess hall and the lazertag center.”

“Wait there's….nevermind. Ok I’m on it.”

“Also, gimme five bucks” the rank two said with a serious set of eyes peering over the respirator.

“Is… This a robbery?”

“Nah man. I forgot my lunch and I totally just spent like 10 minutes helping you. Gimme five bucks.”

“Ok fine,” Ed handed him the money requested, still completely sure this was just a robbery. Then off he walked, following the directions given by the rank 2 from the Subversion Division.

The place was entirely too complicated. He made his way as far as he could go following colored lines on the ground but each of them led to buckets of paint, where apparently someone had forgotten what they were doing and walked away. He then checked a map posted on the mall. After studying it for a few moments he realized it wouldn't help him. It was a map of the eastern New York area. Why? He was ready to give up until he saw someone with a full face mask. Ed knew little about the complicated rank system but the rule of thumb was the more mask the more rank. Hopefully.

“Um, hello?”

“Yes,” the masked rank 3 said to him.

“Yes what?” Ed stammered.

“Just looking on the bright side! So where is your brain thinking it's going?”

Insane… “Science?”

“That's by the elevator. Just go past the poison mushroom field, and cut by…”

“The weird corner with the jugglers and crap that's what i thought but someone said going around the smoke fountain is faster” Ed insisted. He wondered if his tone was bad for speaking to a superior but at this point he was grinding his teeth into calcium powder.

“The jugglers aren't weird… Anyway why would you walk away from science and think its a shortcut?” the woman said, tilting her head as if the helmet was heavy.

“I just…. Basically paid five bucks for wrong directions i guess”

“People make mistakes when they’re hungry, come with me lost little lamb” she insisted, dragging his arm to the cafeteria. The day was about to become a lot longer. She slowly introduced him to each member of the food prep staff, a dull looking bunch who seemed eager for the two of them to grab a tray and leave. She then gathered him and a few other new rank ones and made them each say something positive about themselves, but the rank 3 kept getting distracted and instead doubling back to the same two after repeatedly complimenting their hair. She then dragged him to the entertainment corner where she taught him to juggle. This was the most surprising part of the day since he actually picked up on it quickly, and despite his deep frustrations, realized he made a competent juggler. The joy of this was vacuumed out when she saw a cloud of gas and made Ed chase it, claiming this was a stamina building, motivational exercise. He couldn't see the supposedly running cloud of gas she referred to so what actually occurred was him running in circles while the Rank 3 woman laughed at him and shouted directions. She was in the middle of telling him to use a stranglehold to subdue it when Ed noticed a familiar face. James ran up to the two of them.

“Division leader Haze,” he said panting, “forgive my interruption! You are needed in the laser tag room right away!”

“Oh no what is it?”

“Someone looked absolutely depressed. They kept talking about being hungry and not sure if they should love or believe in themselves.”

“GASP!!!” haze said instead of actually gasping “IM ON IT! You’re on your own for now little lamb. But before i go.” she held her hand to out in front of eds face, “look at this interesting glove,

He stared at it for a moment, having a hard time focusing with it being so close to his face. The moment he saw the small distinguishment on the palm, a tiny hole, it was too late, as a little puff of mist shot forward and into his face and eyes. The toxic effect of the mist muffled the noise and lights around him. She leaned in “Edward… Where is your head?” She then did a hundred and eighty degree twirl and began skipping away.

He turned around slowly. The steady rhythm of ambient noise around him began to go off beat. Sounds of people talking in the distance melted into a blur the footsteps all around him seemed to multiply into a dark applause. He was nearly in a panic until an arm on his shoulder jolted him out of it.

“Hey she won't be distracted long, get to wherever you need to go.”

“Yeah… I have… Who is she?” Ed mumbled.

“That was Haze. She's not so bad once you get to know her, just very….. supportive. You doing ok? Im guessing you didn't expected to get sprayed your first day.”

He steadied himself against the wall. “I feel like i'm going to fall over.”

“It wears off quick,” James added, “you likely just got a little dose of what they call the happy spray. After a while you learn to love it, like a morning cup of coffee. Although it was Haze, so small chance she used the clown spray. No one enjoys the clown spray….”

“Clown spray??” Ed said gasping. He was just thinking he was ready to tap out but if there was any doubt in it, any question of whether or not he was in over his head, it was just clarified in two words. Clown spray.

“If it was i imagine you would have noticed by now. Anyway you said you were headed to Science so get over there before she comes back. “

Ed began stumbling away, had he said he was going to Science? Had any of that conversation even happened? He can remember the conversation but with each step he took it seemed more like he made it up in his head. He made his way backtracking the way he came, wondering if he had passed the jugglers or not. But why? Why was he thinking about them. Why does he know how to juggle? Where was he going again? That's right, to the Science room. Hadn't he just come from there? He kept walking hoping someone would run into him. Hoping someone would hit him to the ground and stand over him and explain who he is. He nearly got his wish when he was knocked to the floor by running into a rank two who he hadn't noticed had stopped walking in front of him.

The decently sized man leaned out a hand to help Ed up. “Thanks i jus…” Ed was cut off by holding a finger up to silence him. He then pointed at one of the nearby tv monitors. The image on the screen was a thick swirl of moving green smoke. It all slowly faded revealing Noxious leaning forward in a dark room. Ed had seen this person many times when being briefed for his mission but the descriptions seemed outdated based on what he was seeing now. The masked figure leaned into the camera and began to speak.

“What is fear? We all have things in our life worth being afraid. I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of letting many people down. This is why i try harder. In each step of my life i was afraid of how id make the next one. This is what guided me cautiously through a dangerous world. Fear and concern can aid us, but when insecurity is present then our fear loses its beneficial nature. Insecurity makes us hesitant. Insecurity makes us doubt. Insecurity drives us to more dangerous roads as we seek to run away from the causes. What causes insecurity? Violence, despair, needless aggression, needless hostility. A world where people shout. A world where people take for themselves and give to no one. A world where a fair chance is a contaminated concept.” Ed looked around the wide open courtyard to see that everyone had stopped and this entire little underground city had halted to give attention to the various scattered monitors bearing their overlord’s face. If evil was a feeling he sensed enough of it around himself to grow sick with it.

“What makes people so selfish? What makes human beings so hostile? It's not our broken souls, or a broken culture. It's a broken brain. Can't it be said that the people who prevail in such aggression are just doing so out of their own insecurities? If you have depression people encourage you to get treated right? Well i have seen this world and diagnosed it with aggression. Lets help it. Lets get it on a proper medication cycle. Let's cure this flawed world so it can't hurt us any longer. Breathe deeply friends...” The monitors shut off one by one.

“I'm new here what was that?” he asked the large man he had accompanied in watching it. The man said nothing, merely offering a thumbs up and walked away. Was this one of the so called “quiet soldiers” he was warned about? He still felt trapped in his thoughts from that spray but at least the weird brainwashing tv message had him distracted long enough for some of the side effects to wear off. It was time to get serious about why he was here, and so off he rushed to the Science department.

----------------------------------

“No.” the mousy rank 2 said, not even glancing up from her keyboard.

“I don't know what that means,” Ed said in frustration.

“You don't know what no means? That's a terrifying thought.”

“No i don't know why you’re telling me no. i was just sent here from Science, to S Division and then back again.”

“That's your problem. The so called ‘S Division’ isn't around to give you the good directions. You were here this morning and we told you in detail to go to Engineering. If you took advice for others along the way that's your problem.”

“Is there anyway i can just speak to someone in charge?”

“This isn't a department store puff. You can't just… You know what. Nevermind your timing is great. We have three division leaders right over their and i'm sure they have all the answers you need,” she said slyly, gesturing her hand to wave him off. He went passed the reception desk and towards the back room she referenced. Half way down the hallway he felt a wrenching in his stomach, lingering effects he assumed of the toxic spray. It drained his energy and made it feel impossible to think or even stand. He fell to his knees and puked on the sterile white flooring.

“You’re lost little girl,” a woman told him. He could only see her boots.

“I'm not a girl...” ed stammered.

“It's a metaphor,” the woman corrected.

“Lynn that's not a metaphor.” A second set of boots joined. He still only had the strength to look at the floor he had sullied.

“Actually CT, Its a reference so technically it falls under symbolic language” a third voice insisted, again accompanied by another set of boots. This time the voice sounded male.

“Thanks DD, although i think were crowding this poor little puff,” the one called Lynn said. They all then took a step back in a unified manner that Ed found to be robotic and unsettling. With the extra space he took a deep breath and stood up. Before him were the three division leaders. From dossiers he could put together who was who. The one known as Lynn was recognizable from the propaganda videos. The other female was an easy puzzle to solve since he was in the Science Division and the division leader used the monicor ChemTrails. CT. The male however was a coin flip. The Dossier had multiple names on file for the three known male division heads. This DD one must be one of them. Still though, a bit of prodding would come off as curiosity not investigation so he decided to prod.

“Who are you guys?”

“Guys and girls. Or so i can tell,” DD chimed.

“‘Guys’ can be gender neutral nowadays,” Lynn said adjusting a valve on her suit.

“Objectively it cannot.”

“But contextually it can. It’s a word devolved into sland,” CT added, “also none of you are answering the poor puff’s question. I'm ChemTrails, of the Science Division. That place you seem to have spent all day trying to walk back to. This is Evo-Lynn of Propaganda, and The Diabolical Mr Dave of Engineering.”

“A pleasure to meet you… um… Ed?” DD smiled, his mask hanging from his neck gave him a more laid back and inviting look then the rest of them. He had a charming smile but Ed couldn't help but feel like he was being played.

“How did you know my name?”

“You’re damn near famous today. The video is going around of you sitting on Haze’s shoulders juggling like a pro.”

“Oh right…” Ed had no memory of this. “Wait why do they call you Diabolical Dave or whatever?”

“The Diabolical Mr Dave, you have to say the whole thing to really get the effect. It was a college nickname and with my current line of work i figured it was appropriate enough to keep.” Dave said, further unsettling Eds now fragile sense of what was even happening.

“This is all a lovely chat by the water cooler but before we regail ourselves with any more wonderment, Ed, do you have the part my people gave you to give Engineering?” CT asked, “Since DD is right here we can skip the walk,”

What was she talking about. Was he given a part? In all the chaos of the day he had forgotten exactly why he was ever sent to engineering. Is this why there are so many unfinished lines painted on the ground? Are the fumes of this place so mentally infesting that everyone here is doomed to just wander aimlessly from one task to another? Is this the paradise the Noxious Agenda promises? A world so sedated it can't war but neither can it function? And if this is the WAIT WHAT’S IN HIS HAND? ITS MACHINERY AND ITS HEAVY HAD HE BEEN CARRYING THIS THE ENTIRE TIME AND NOT NOTICING? WHAT IS THIS PLACE??

“Yeah this. Thanks champ” DD said with a warm smile. He took the large part and brought it over to a desk. CT followed and Ed saw this as his chance to leave until Lynn grabbed him by the hand and dragged him to the table as well. Their DD added components to the device one by one as it started to take shape.

DD leaned in, placing each part carefully on. “The attachments are magnetic and self bolting. The magnet holds the legs and establishes a current. Once the legs feel that current they rotate the small bolts, holding it in securly. With a press of a button it can remove all of the legs and dismantle itself. The legs can pop off in seconds and be replaced with tracks or even gyros for flight!” Ed was fascinated by this small machine. He had seen drones before but this man DD described it with such childish glee that he couldn't help but look at it with the same excitement.

“What controls it?” Lynn questioned.

“Artificial intelligence,” the proud Engineer said. He noticed a worried look on Eds face so he reassured, “not likely what you’re picturing rank one. It’s AI in the way that i programed algorithms and it finds its own data. Much like a popular online search engine. I collect data from the personalities of people randomly found around the lair and then let it manifest into a code for the drone to follow. Watch,” he leaned over and flicked a small switch.

The robot stood up and a gritty simulated voice began to speak, “NOXIOUS AGENDA! GAS THE SHOUT IN A WORLD THAT PEOPLE!”

They all stared with wide eyes. DD reassured, “this is expected. It uses the words people here use most. It seems weird but as the code refines it will be less eccentric”

“RANK ONE DETECTED! SUCK IT PUFF! CURSE YOU NEWB!” the robot then shouted at Ed as a small cannon emerged, a small flame sparked from it and then much larger jet of fire shot out, scorching the Eds clothing. In a split second CTs mask began to move and swish, then a small liquid tendril protruded out the side and across the room, grabbing the fire extinguisher and returning it to Chems hands as she put out the burning spy.

“WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!!!” Ed screamed from the floor.

“Just a flaw in the coding… It is a prototype” DD confirmed.

“No no no… Did an arm just crawl out of that mask??”

CT leaned down in front above Ed “Sometimes you don't want to be on a short list of people who know certain things. Especially if people in the future ever want to make that list shorter.”

“I told you you’re lost little girl,” Lynn said. Ed made his way out as the three of them giggled and spoke about the potential of the robot. This was surely valuable enemy data but he was having no more of the three of them. He made his way to a quiet alley between cave walls and a dark building. His daily objectives were a complete failure. He never bugged the servers, never checked out the exits and never made visual confirmation of this cult’s boss, unless a vague image on the screen counted. Did it? Likely not. He can only assume he’s been too intoxicated for any of his report to carry validity. None of the challenges in this hellish place were predicted and thus none of the challenges met. He was ready to start crying at the anguish he had felt when he heard encouraging words.

“Jeez Eddie why the long face?” A man said next to him. He hadn't noticed anyone sit down but at this point company wasn't the worst thing he could have.

“Today's my first day and all i'm doing is messing up. This is all just too much i feel like i can't breathe.”

“That sounds like anxiety, friend. That's normal for a first day. Do you know what causes anxiety?”

“Yeah all these OH MY GOD YOUR A CLOWN!!!” he shouted, nearly falling out of his chair at the sight.

“Now that's not very nice Eddie. Anxiety can be one of two things, a chemical imbalance or an effect of over stressing circumstances. Do you feel overstressed friend?”

“I… Yes i do.”

The clown leaned in and put a hand on his shoulder. “Do you feel like you spent the whole day not doing what you planned to?”

“Yes exactly. I can't get my thoughts straight. I feel like such an idiot.”

The clown leaned in further. “Whose side are you really on…”

“Wh...what?”

The clown leaned back, relaxed. “You can't call yourself an idiot like that. You might be venting but your brain will always take it serious. Don’t be against yourself. You had some setbacks but you learned from ‘em right? Tomorrow will be another day”

“You know for a clown you got some pretty good advice,” ed sighed.

“Why do you keep calling me a… Oh right, clown spray. Let me fix you up” the clown then reached into his massive gag pockets and pulled out three small colored vials and a tiny machine. He examined each vial then put them in the small device. He punched in some numbers on the side of it and the machine began to vibrate, mixing them together. He leaned the machine towards Eds face an a small gas release came out of it. The instant he inhaled a portion of it his head felt like it was on fire. He lost control of his muscles and his head fell into his palms, doing everything he can to not fall of the bench he was sitting on.

“Breath Deeply Ed, this will fix you,” the former clown said, his voice now more raspy and muffled. Ed summoned what strength he could to raise his head to the man, but the clown was gone, and replaced with something much worse. The modified gloves, the glowing mask, the shoulder vents. This was Noxious. “You'll be ok Eddie. Just keep doing your best here and who knows, maybe we will grow on you?” The boss said before getting up to walk away.

SUPERSECRETSPECIALOVAENDING

DD “how long do we have to keep being mean to the rank 1s?”

CT “wait were we being mean to all of them? i thought it was just those two new ones”

Tranq “its just the one called Ed. we are attempting to draw them out.”

DD “oh.... i have a lot of crispy rank one’s to apologize too.....

#original content #original character #original fiction #original story #Noxus

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paleorecipecookbook · 5 years

Text

Instagram Outfit Round-Up

Happy Friday!! I woke up this morning moving a little slow and instead of finishing my work, I just looked at instagram for a solid 30 minutes. Let me clarify – I looked at the food section on instagram for a solid 30 minutes. And now all I want to do is make cookies this weekend. Shop for bathroom tile and toilets, and make cookies. I’m kind of craving oatmeal cookies. I know this is all super thrilling to you so I’ll get to the point: outfits. I haven’t shared an instagram outfit round-up in quite a while so I’m going to share some of my favorites! But if you want to see all of them, you can always follow me on the liketoknow.it app! So let’s get to it! Here’s an activewear look I recently wore to the gym. You can see it in action here! The material is crazy soft and comfortable!

{ Crop Top | Leggings | Sneakers }