#bc she doesnt want to be a burden

[brokenhardies]

Sophia Anne Caruso as Jane Smith - The Child (V)

“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope i find it along the way.”

Taglist

@darth-caillic​ @sterling-writes​ @ryutabas​ @reirvival​ @arrthurpendragon​ @foxesandmagic​​ (want to be added or removed? send an ask or a dm!)

#ocappreciation #ocapp #ochub #queerocs #doctor who oc #and now we've caught up! #tbh its so funny that both the fifth incarnation of the doctor's kid and their own fifth incarnation are blondes :') #tbh she is a bit of a hot mess and a half but i love her dearly! #and considering im also planning her death which makes me feel :'( saddddddddd #i dont want her to go but she kind of has to!!!! #like she's been there for two whole doctors :') #and a half a one :') but still! #the whole rapid cellular degeneration thing is a reference to chronic illnesses - while all the incarnations of the child suffer from it #some suffer from it more than others #in the case of jane she starts falling apart pretty much around the new years special yet hides it from everyone #bc she doesnt want to be a burden #and then her mum regenerates into the tenth incarnation so poor jane is like #right im now both literally and metaphorically falling apart :') #poor baby i wanna give her a hug! #OC: Jane #story: life on mars

[justaz]

merlin (immortal) giving arthur (pendragon) the only blade that could kill him

#they make me SICK #i hate them so much #if arthur had found out about his magic earlier and took it poorly…he’d be the only person able to kill him #merlin handing over the sword as a symbol of his utter trust in arthur #god imagine arthur finding out (au everyone lives) and being torn between wanting to cast the sword away but also wanting to keep it on him #he hates the weight of merlins life that now seems attached to the blade #he doesnt want it #but he cant cast it away bc what if someone gets their hands on it?? then merlins life is in their hands #he is BAFFLED that merlin would give HIM - uther pendragons son - the only thing that could kill him #he asks after days of fitful sleep and consideration and merlin is just like #‘its /you/ arthur.’ he says like its painfully obvious #NCJGSKSNSDIBSKSB TEYH MKAE ME VIOELTNT #bbc merlin #merlin emrys #arthur pendragon #excalibur #immortal merlin #merthur #im just thinking of percabeth when percy tells annabeth where his mortal point is and she is the ONLY person who knows #and she has to carry that tidbit of information around like its not the heaviest burden shes ever carried - more so than the sky #that one quote 'love is giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting them not to' #idk you get it #arthur and annabeth being the only people who can destroy the one they love #merlin and percy having unwavering trust and faith in their other half that they place their life in their hands #literally #sorry im done

[haunted-xander]

Mirror

#do you think that ryne used to haye looking in the mirror bc all shed see is what she should be but isnt #shed see a minfilia that isnt the right minfilia. shed see a pale imitation of the minfilia she should be #shell never be the one thancred wants to see shes but a lackluster replacement #she wants to be that minfilia- she wants thancreds suffering to stop and she wants to be freed from the burden #but she cant. and she doesnt really want to bc that would mean to disappear. but she sees no other way #to her that was the only viable option #but now shes free from that burden #and has escaped minfilias shadow #she is herself now- she is ryne. not minfilia #ryne waters #minfilia warde #final fantasy #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #ffxiv #art #my art #xanders art #digital art #fan art #xander being insane about ryne

[shadowinthetreesbutcooler]

red team are FULLY going feral im so here for it, cellbit vouching for cannibalism and getting excited, baghera wanting to build a dirt shack and everyone wanting to crawl into a cave and chase people through the woods

#qsmp #qsmp liveblogging #end of the event the other two teams are gonna have interpersonal conflicts to worry about #meanwhile red are having trouble being reintroduced to their own society because they went completely rabid #if they do get all the eggs back chayanne and tallulah watching their dad burrow even further into the wall and snarl and hiss at people as #they approach #missa's avoiding own home at first not just for fear of being a burden on his husband and family now but bc he hasnt had his rabies shot #cellbit gets EVEN WORSE somehow and roier dives down the rabbit hole with him not because purgatory made him feral but bc it made him #bloodthirsty and he loves his husband ESPECIALLY at his worst #leo gets back and doesnt notice a change at first bc her dad always barks at ppl and wants to hunt bbh for sport but the eating ppl is new. #if pomme finds out her mother nearly gave up on saving her shes distraught until she sees the state of baghera #living in a dirt shack and eating human flesh #charlie gets back to eggxile with a new craving for human flesh and a new distrust for codeflippa bc hes said it out loud now and knows in #his heart its not her but how can he let go when he has nothing but her and the other cannibal freaks he trauma bonded with in purgatory #jaiden would be more upset about cellbit killing fed workers but by the end of the 2 weeks she gets him a little now. shed never turn on th #federation ofc but she gets it a little bit. #and differences aside green and red have all bonded now over a shared murderous rage towards bbh lmao #pac is afraid not only of cellbit but all of red now. too afraid to leave the lab. #you get the jist its 2am im going to bed lmao #(lying) #qsmp spoilers

[bunnihearted]

🌧️🐇

#feeling sad today bc it's my mom's birthday #and i couldnt afford getting her anything :< i've made a card but tbh i feel so dumb even giving her that like wow.. useless #my sisters are spending the day with her so i cant even be with her at all. and she likes spending time w my sisters more than me anyway so #im just keeping away. it makes me sad tho that they can all hang out but .. #like im actually such a shitty person and unwanted and just an awful person because not even my family wants to be with me #i feel lonely bc i dont get to partake in my mom's birthday celebration and that my family doesnt even want me to #and my mom doesnt think it's valuable to spend time with me today. she doesnt even want to... im just a burden and a bother #i feel so unlovable and unwanted .... and it makes me sad and i just wanna die lol #bc i truly truly am annoying and not important in their lives #why do i even exist? why do i even do anything? why do i even talk to anyone when all i am is a burden #i make everyone's lives worse and more difficult. im only a pain to deal with. i cant ever do anything right either #idk... i just hope my mom had nice moments w my sisters today #maybe i'll try to hide the card on her desk so she can find it so i dont have to give it to her skskks

[hauntedwoman]

as badly as i want to avoid my mom she is making it extremely difficult

#i feel really bad that im so angry at her and she doesnt even know it #but my entire living situation is making me miserable right now and its her fault #she charges me $50 in rent every week and shes increasing it to $125 a week at the end of the month #the only reason this is happening is because she FORCED ME to drop out and the only other alternative was that i had to work full time + pa #rent.............. but like at my job even if im working 40 hrs a week ill only be making abt $900 a month #so i will barely have anything leftover for myself after rent #and i cannot get a second job bc i frankly can not handle it at all + what hours would i even work #and my mom refuses to understand that the reason i had to drop out is bc i am so depressed and so suicidal and i just dont want to live #she doesnt acknowledge that im disabled and severely mentally ill #every time i try to talk about my mental health she treats me like im such a burden to her even though i literally never tell her anything #personal anymore bc she just doesnt listen or care #ALSO she FORCED ME to move across the country and transfer schools when i really did not want (hence why i flunked all of my classes bc i d #not care) but like. everything thats wrong in my life rn is bc i do not want ot live where im living and theres no way for me to go back to #texas and also i dont rly wanna live w my dad either #but anyways. this whole situation would be better if my mom was using me paying rent as an actual lesson in adult respinsibility #but it's really just a punishment because i cant function the way she wants me to #and im over it #so fucking over it why am i such a pussy why cant i just die

[engagemythrusters]

see the thing is.

ahsoka wants a jedi padawan.

sabine wants to learn how to use a lightsaber.

no wonder they're both going to come away frustrated and disheartened. they don't even want the same thing.

#sabine's a mandalorian she doesnt need to be a jedi #she got started with the darksaber and now she has ezra's lightsaber #she mightt as well learn to use it #while ahsoka is burdened by being a surviving jedi (no matter how much she protests that she isnt a jedi) #and only knows the jedi way of teaching. which is teaching to become just as much spiritual as a warrior. #and... sabine doesn't need that. #she just needs to conquer the lightsaber. #so like #they're not on the same page here #(if this changes in a 'actually sabine DOES want to be a fullass jedi' way im going to ignore that bc that is the stupidest goddamn thing #that i have ever heard. literally whoever thinks thats a good idea to write and produce that is the dumbest fucking person ever.) #sabine wren #ahsoka tano #star wars: ahsoka

[kindaorangey]

watched jubilation. that was really good apart from the final scene bc how the fuck did they acknowledge that they both saw the same fantasy without either of them making assumptions about ladybug's feelings for chat.

#thunder rambles #ml spoilers #RUSHED!!!! ITS TOO RUSHED!!!!!!! #there was that lovely little throughline of marinette getting on socqueline's case bc she doesnt think anyone would choose the #burden of being ladybug if they Really Knew #which is because shes depriving herself of what she wants (namely to date someone) #and so she sees all that stuff in the gift fantasy. surely it would be hard for her to go through that? to have a romantic partner and #a full life with them #only to have it be taken away? #like obvs thats heartbreaking for chat as well its just #with the context of marinette's place in the episode she should come away from that hardly able to admit to even herself that she might #want a relationship with chat #and so i dont get why they both seem to be on the same page about having experienced the same fantasy?? #the ladybug i know would lie her ass off about that #and yeah maybe there was no denying it since they both interacted as their Real Selves in the final bit of the fantasy #but. still. dude. #also as an eternal sunshine enjoyer i do believe your memory of a person is capable of waking you up from a dreamed reality #so yanno #but yea that last scene hit weird #also what the fuck was up with the babies😐

[thesoundofmadness]

My dad isn't even home and I'm already tired lol

#my older sister and i eent through our closets and filled a bunch of trash bags #my older sister said my dad can take care of it #and if he refuses and gets pissed to just call her #but tbh. idk if i should #i dont want him yelling but i also eant to hear what she has to say to him #like hes absolutely Awful and needs a mother fuckin reality check #the fucker is never home and when he is he just sits in his room and drinks/gets high #he makes no effort to talk to us #he doesnt ask how our day is he doesn't ask us about our interests he doesnt do shit with us #we're at home while hes out getting fucking wasted #when he does talk to us he yells at us #so he needs to get fucking reality checked #tbh even if he did talk to us i would immediately shut it down bc the fucker doesnt deserve to talk to us after all the shit he does #calling us little bitches and acting as if taking care of us is a huge burden #i dont fucking care if hes old and depressed we are Still in his care we are Still living with him #at fucking least dont yell at us and call us names #like what the fuck #the docs

[one-way-dream]

augh

#sh mention #(sorta) #permanently existing in a state of anxiety that makes me want to claw my throat out with my nails #just constnwtly feel uneasy and distressed and i cannot even do anything to stop it #everything takes so damn long and i cannot do Anything bc my brain doesnt fucking work so im a burden to the people around me #and i cant even be normal around people anymore bc im in this heightened state of stress and i cant tell anyone bc THEYLL get stressed #bitches be on the verge of an anxiety attack constnwtly just Thinking and thats maybe not good #i want to cry but i cannot and i cannot do anything to stop this and my irl friends are far so im just ? no support system outside my family #i dont even feel comfortable around my mom anymore esp after that day we had a talk #in fact i actively feel kinda wary and sick and i hate that bc im closest to her #its a lot. i cant afford therapy i have a 700 dollar credit card debt thats about to be 850 lol #and this is supposed to be the time i help my parents esp with dad starting his business n mom being the sole earner #which fucking sucks bc shes not in good shape and its a physical job #idk man im losing it and this is jsut skimming the surface #i hope i explode actually GFGSGDJSHS #anyway soryr for vent-y rocking #tee.xt #personal / #also yes ill delete later sorry #vent in tags

[angeltrapz]

is my dad capable of leaving me alone

#the answer is no apparently :) #im so fucking tired. at the point where i fucking hope they get a divorce #i cant stand to see such a miserable look on my moms face night after night #or my sister crying because hes talking shit abt her interests since he doesnt find them personally interesting #or to see my grandma feel like she has to stay in her bedroom to remain sane #or for ME to feel like im a fucking burden by existing #its worse than its ever been before #connor.vtxt #i just hope it will get better eventually. in whatever way it has to happen #im so tired of feeling like shit every day of my life its getting unbearable #gonna either play minecraft or write some more bc fuck. i gotta do smth #it really does feel like he doesnt consider me a person worth respecting sometimes and im so tired of it #i mean he repeatedly has been triggering me on purpose for months so #someone please tell me its going to get better. thats all i want

[wiinterbunny]

🧸🐇🕯🥛

#at least i know that if and when i decide to leave.... my mom will be ok eventually #my sister who has a job is treating my mom to haircuts and outings that i always wanted to give her #and she spends a lot of time hanging out with my other sister #so that makes me feel less stressed. my sisters will care for her. she'll be ok without me #my family doesnt need me #in fact they work better without me. im only a burden and a bother #it's so clear in how they shut me out and socialize but im never allowed to join #im better off alone in my room and they dont even care #or miss me #they dont miss me at all. bc theyre all sick of me #which i understand. i hate myself so much so i really get why no one wants me around #but ok.. at least i wont have to feel as bad abt leaving one day #my sisters will probably not care that much as theyre completely fine without me in their life as is #and my mom will be ok after a while

[everybodysaycbx]

.

#cant sleep... #feels weird that its been 10 years now. shes been gone for so long now but i remember it so well #the pains like a phantom pain tho. i can remember her without crying (tho i am now lol) and not all the memories hurt #but the pain isnt always detatched from the memories. that part of my childhood where she was always there feels......idk how to describe it #im always aware that its gone and sometimes i can live with the reality of it and appreciate my friendship with her #but sometimes the hurt comes back so forcefully and so painfully i want to scream and scream #and sometimes it feels like i am but i was just dissociated for a few hours #my family is still.....unsure of how to act when i exhibit pain about this. idk if its from guilt that they didnt help me initially or... #is it annoyance that this still affects me...maybe both. guess they cant get how my friends suicide when we were in high school would hurt #whether they feel guilty for how they didnt help it doesnt really matter ig bc i know they wont apologize no matter how much id like them to #idk what to do about it tho. i dont think i can just get over that at this point i mean ive waited 10 years #if anyone has advice dm me ig but dont tell me to let it go bc i just cant #ive made my peace with any culpability i have in her death and if her spirit harbors anger with me then thats fine #her family doesnt and has never seemed upset with me so i have no reason to be thinking it but idk. i just couldve done more #but whats done is done and dwelling on what couldve been is a bad road to go on. esp at almost 3 am #i hope and wish for her to be at peace and everyone who loved her to find it if they havent yet #if anyone else has had to go through this too know you can talk to me esp if you dont have anyone else #i had really no one i could talk to about it without feeling like i was burdening everyone else who was in the same situation at the time #and i dont want anyone else to feel like that so. i hope everyones well #otherwise if that doesnt apply to you but you want to cheer me up send me some cute videos or memes or whatever #ive been trying to keep my mind off it for the most part since ive had to work and dont want to have a breakdown there lol #and i have to work tonight so that would be helpful #but anyway i think thats enough of my rambling and depressing thoughts #tw: death #tw: suicide

[inmirova]

truly ready to like. start hanging a sign on myself that says I AM PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE OF HEARING YOU YOU FUCKING DUNCE to wear around my coworker who doesn't seem to understand what Deaf means

#every. fucking. day. #'sorry I'm Deaf remember? i just need you to get my attention before you start talking so i can see what youre saying!' 'oh right' *doesnt* #murder murder murder #or like when i was talking about how i dont want to date hearing people anymore bc they always start out 'making an effort to learn asl' #and then trail off and dont follow through and the burden of effective communication is on me #and she was like oh but you like. talk and understand us! #actually i barely understand you and its exhausting i would rather teach myself to juggle knives than deal with you bc youre unaccommodating #WHEN ONE PERSON TURNS THE MANIA DYSPHORIC BUT YOU GOTTA TRAIN A DIFFERENT MUCH NICER PERSON

[bunnihearted]

🐌🍓

#im so sad bc i realized that my mom doesnt want to spend time w me #like every time i ask if we can watch a movie she looks so relucant nd she sighs nd says 'ugh rlly' #when i try to ask if we can take a walk or go visit a parc etc etc she looks tired nd bithered #bothered* #i didnt want to realize that but after this 'fight' bwteen my sisters nd i.. i realized it rlly #she's sick of me. she doesnt want to hang out w me. she sees it as a burden #bc why else does she do easily do things w my sisters but when i ask she doesnt want to??? #it makes me rlly sad #truly no one likes spending time w me or being w me #feel so hurt :< if my own mom doesnt wanna hang out w me.... why would anyone else :(

[kyoohyeon]

.

#I realized that I have a bunch of u processed feelings bc instead of feeling and dealing with them I have been intellectualizing them #instead and now I have this all figured out in my head but also not really and its low key eating me up lmao #I know I have to deal with all of this bc I keep getting worse and this is going on for a while now.. tbh the weight in my chest is getting #a bit too heavy to handle and I feel shitty #the past 2/3 years have been hard on me.. so much stuff happened at the same time and it broke me #I miss being okay-ish. I've been depressed for so long but not like this.... I know I'm a way colder person now and have been for a while #and I hate it lmao I really miss being warm and feeling comfortable with the people that I love but lately all I can do is shut them down #ffs I can't even hug some of my friends anymore and I know its weird for them because I was not this person at all and I miss how things #were before. I feel like I'm becoming this shitty person who doesnt show affection and quite honestly don't care about things as I used to #and that sucks. I hate how I'm feeling now and the person that I am now but idk how to deal with the feelings that I have stored #and its not like I can talk to people about it because as much as they are willing to listen they wont get it and sharing things with #someone that won't understand won't help me at all. I will just feel like I'm over sharing and like they're judging me lmfao #there's this one friend I could talk to but I already rely on her with so much I dont want to become a bother/burden especially now that #she has some bug stuff coming up and has to focus on that #idk I just want to be alone 24/7 and every time someone asks to meet up I feel pressured and stressed out bc I'm not in a headspace to be #with other people and being a people pleaser on top of that doesn't help bc I end up saying yes and it just makes me even more frustrated #I'm just not okay enough to pretend and have a good time or listen to other people's problem right now.... damn I even feel shitty for #saying that.... #idk I need to figure out how to deal with this first bc its killing me and I'm constantly feeling like a piece of shit #meh I wish time travel was a thing bc as much as I'm a believer of not going back in time to change things bc they made me who I am I would #be willing to do that now #anyways.... #if anyone sees this no you don't #I just needed to write it out