#ive made my peace with any culpability i have in her death and if her spirit harbors anger with me then thats fine

[everybodysaycbx]

.

#cant sleep... #feels weird that its been 10 years now. shes been gone for so long now but i remember it so well #the pains like a phantom pain tho. i can remember her without crying (tho i am now lol) and not all the memories hurt #but the pain isnt always detatched from the memories. that part of my childhood where she was always there feels......idk how to describe it #im always aware that its gone and sometimes i can live with the reality of it and appreciate my friendship with her #but sometimes the hurt comes back so forcefully and so painfully i want to scream and scream #and sometimes it feels like i am but i was just dissociated for a few hours #my family is still.....unsure of how to act when i exhibit pain about this. idk if its from guilt that they didnt help me initially or... #is it annoyance that this still affects me...maybe both. guess they cant get how my friends suicide when we were in high school would hurt #whether they feel guilty for how they didnt help it doesnt really matter ig bc i know they wont apologize no matter how much id like them to #idk what to do about it tho. i dont think i can just get over that at this point i mean ive waited 10 years #if anyone has advice dm me ig but dont tell me to let it go bc i just cant #ive made my peace with any culpability i have in her death and if her spirit harbors anger with me then thats fine #her family doesnt and has never seemed upset with me so i have no reason to be thinking it but idk. i just couldve done more #but whats done is done and dwelling on what couldve been is a bad road to go on. esp at almost 3 am #i hope and wish for her to be at peace and everyone who loved her to find it if they havent yet #if anyone else has had to go through this too know you can talk to me esp if you dont have anyone else #i had really no one i could talk to about it without feeling like i was burdening everyone else who was in the same situation at the time #and i dont want anyone else to feel like that so. i hope everyones well #otherwise if that doesnt apply to you but you want to cheer me up send me some cute videos or memes or whatever #ive been trying to keep my mind off it for the most part since ive had to work and dont want to have a breakdown there lol #and i have to work tonight so that would be helpful #but anyway i think thats enough of my rambling and depressing thoughts #tw: death #tw: suicide

[sw-losthope]

Star Wars Episode IV: Lost Hope

Act 1 | Prologue + Chapter 1 |

Written by: @mother-cocoon

Edited and beta-read by @lastjedis

Preface:

I’d really like to thank Thais and everyone else who’s giving this a chance; it has been so much fun working on this au, and if you guys enjoy it, I’d be more than happy to give these characters the endings they deserve.

Chapters will be sporadic, but we’ll try to hammer them out close enough together!

Thank you all so much again—enjoy chapter 1, and may the Force be with you

-Mod Paul

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended. (x)

Prologue

The earliest memories Leia had were of the evenings on Alderaan. She would sit on her mother’s lap and watch the sunset from the balcony of their home, the lake surrounding their city reflecting the soft red-orange hues of dusk. She could feel the tenderness of her mother’s fingers running through her hair, the gentle beating of pulmonodes through her mother’s dark blue gown.

“Alderaan,” Breha spoke almost dreamily, as if it were something imaginary and not right before her, “It’s beautiful, isn’t it, Leia?”

Leia was half asleep, but she nodded, pulling herself closer to the warmth of her mother’s chest.

“It’s easy to forget the rest of the galaxy doesn’t have what we have…” The words were pitying, but there was fire beneath them. “One day, Leia, every star and all of their worlds will have peace. I know it.”

Leia could remember her eyes closing as the sun settled behind the valleys and grasslands.

“Until then, the galaxy is going to need us around to get them there, hm?”

Her mother laughed, quietly to herself. She was careful not to wake her daughter.

“Until then…” Breha sighed, the last trails of sunlight fading from Alderaan.

Chapter One

The shadow of the moon fell over the planet of Alderaan.

Slipping silently through the blue-green planet’s orbit, it eclipsed the sun, looming overhead. It would have been a spectacular lunar phenomenon, but Alderaan had no moons.

Princess Leia Organa could make out her homeworld through the Death Star’s viewport. From where she stood, she could see the lush green valleys and snow-capped mountains lining Alderaan. Alderaan’s rivers seemed to outline the numerous cities and population centers before joining to fill the planet’s deep blue oceans.

In the back of her mind, a thousand miles away, Leia felt like she could sense the panic and fear of her people as they stared up at the sky, wondering what the source of this darkness could be. She wondered if they would have felt any comfort knowing someone just as scared was looking back at them.

“Welcome home, Princess,” The cold voice of Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin came from behind Leia, “Admiring the view? It pains me to say it, given the circumstances, but Alderaan truly is one of the better worlds this galaxy has to offer; pity it’s rife with treachery.”

Leia didn’t respond as the Moff placed a calloused hand on the shoulder of her white dress and came to stand beside her. She could see his wiry figure in the reflection of the viewport, his vicious eyes were trained on the planet before them. She could make out the dull grey-green of his uniform, and the frosty white smattered amongst his aged brown hair. Everything about him, from the way he carried himself, to the way he dressed, to the way he spoke, it was all so calculated.

“Truth be told, we had expected Bail Organa of sedition long before this,” His voice oozed with satisfaction, “To think he’d give himself up by giving us his own daughter.” The Grand Moff’s hand moved a loose strand of Leia’s hair behind her ear. His finger lingered a moment longer than necessary on her neck, and Leia pulled her head away from his hand just enough to send the message.

Lowering his hand and stepping away from the view, Tarkin took his place in front of a line of stormtroopers. A dozen of them standing like an armored wall, motionless until given permission to move. Leia watched them from the reflection in the window. Tarkin turned his head just enough to address the troopers on his right side, “Bring me the Queen and her consort.”

Leia’s eyes widened as she tore herself from her world, “No!” She exclaimed, moving towards the Moff as much as his stormtrooper guards would allow.

Tarkin’s lips formed a thin smile.

“Is something the matter, Princess?”

“My parents,” Leia tried to mask her fear with guilt, “they had nothing to do with this. This was my plan–my idea.”

Leia tried to look as culpable as possible under the pressure of Tarkin’s hawkish gaze, it wasn’t hard.

“A confession? That’s good, I’m sure the Emperor and Lord Vader would love to skip the trials and move straight ahead with your execution, but…”

His smile fell.

“Do you really expect me to believe that a 19-year-old senator organized a coordinated attack against an Imperial research facility without the knowledge, or acquiescence, of her politically capable parents?”

The tone of his question was rhetorical. Leia knew he was daring her to answer but staying silent was practically admitting that her mother and father were members of the Rebellion. She couldn’t betray them to this man…

She took a deep breath, straightened herself, and put on the most regal voice she could manage in stun cuffs.

“Yes. I, Princess Leia Organa of the planet Alderaan, organized and perpetrated the rebel attack on Scarif by myself, and without the knowledge of any other.”

Leia held her ground, it was all she could do. Maybe if she could save her parents, then she wouldn’t have completely failed her mission…

“Interesting thing about rebels, Princess,” The Moff mused, “You’re like vermin: when one is found, there is sure to be a nest of a dozen more nearby. Or in this case,” Tarkin smiled again looking past Leia to the planet behind her, “2 billion more. Bring me Bail and Breha Organa.”

Leia wanted to yell out again, to do something, but she was powerless to stop the Grand Moff. She had failed her father aboard the Tantive IV, Darth Vader and his contingency of stormtroopers had captured her before she could finish planting the Death Star plans on an old Artoo unit.

With her capture, the rebellion’s only chance at destroying the Empire’s superweapon had slipped away and, with it, the hope of fighting the empire.

All those people who had risked their lives to stand up to the cruel reign of Emperor Palpatine…their sacrifices had been for nothing because she…she had failed.

A cold sweat worked its way down Leia’s back and she blinked, not realizing that the Grand Moff was standing over her, the towering angle creating shadows on his face that made his features even more severe. He grabbed her chin with his hand and moved an icy thumb across her cheek, brushing away a tear she didn’t know she had shed.

“Don’t cry, princess. We haven’t even gotten to your punishment.”

With a wave of his hand, two stormtroopers left the line and made their way towards her. Tarkin moved to the side as the troopers grabbed Leia by her arms and escorted her out of the viewing area. Tarkin watched the princess leave, his eyes only leaving her after the doors slid shut.

Stepping once again to the center of the viewport, he crossed his arms over his chest, positioning a hand slightly above his chin. His eyes studied the features of the planet as it continued along its shadowed rotation. He savored the sight, knowing he’d be one of the last in the galaxy to see it.

“Governor,” A grey suited technician approached him, interrupting his silent revelry, “The station is ready to fire, sir.”

The Grand Moff’s eyes glinted with sadistic anticipation, “Set for standby. Be ready to fire on my orders.”

“Yes, Governor.”

The technician moved away, and Tarkin returned to his silence.

End of Chapter One 

Back / Next

#we hope you like this ::!))) #many thanks to those who waited patiently! #star wars #sw au #sw fanfic #leia organa #lost hope #act i #chapters #if you see something that should be fixed don't hesitate to let us know! #mod thais #sw lost hope

[youcannotsuppressme]

The entire Council of Iysen was upon the Iyserian Flagship, Noctis Victa, the pride of the fleet. The viewing room was a special, encased portion of the ship that showed a 360 degree view around the vessel, as if one was standing in space themselves. And so standing in an ocean of stars, surrounded by the entire Iyserian Fleet, were the Council Members gathered. Meros was standing in the front, hands clasped behind her back as she gazed down at the world of Cotrim IV.

The planet desecrated by their greatest fear; The Ravaged.

The world was dying, and it could be seen from orbit. Fires raged around the urban centers, where millions were slaughtered or turned into the feral, corrupted beings that continued to ravage and consume the planet. Shuttles raced into orbit carrying soldiers and civilians alike, quick to escape the bloodbath below. Men, women and children went from prosperous citizens under the Iyserian Empire, to refugees within a matter of days.

Madivisia stood in an ivory Margrave’s coat, her attire a blend of a military uniform and that of a regional governor. Alistair stood to her left, his battered form scorched and bloodied from the fighting on the surface. It was a surprise the Warlock could even stand with his current wounds, and there was no Lucia at the moment to treat him. The others were silent, merely observing their Empress visibly shake with a volcanic wrath.

It was Lord Marshall Pentecost that broke the silence, stepping forward with heavy infantryman greaves as he opened a fleet-wide comms channel. A thousand ships listened to the leader of the Iyserian army, as he alone was responsible for executing the most rare, and unforgiving order within the Iyserian Empire.

“We have arrived, and it is now we perform our charge. In fealty of the God-Empress, our undying lady, and by the grace of the Storm Throne…” He faltered. For the first time in the Lord Marshall’s life, he hesitated. It made sense to Madivisia, who raised a single dark brow at the back of the High General. He was born upon this world. He defended this world, on the ground, against the Zakuul invaders. The Lord Marshall lost good men, friends and family on this holy world.

Pentecost quickly recovered, any vestige of the man beneath the armour entirely murdered as he continued his agonizing decree. “...I declare Exterminatus upon the Imperial world of Cotrim IV. I hereby sign the death warrant of an entire world, and cosign a billion souls to oblivion. May Iyserian justice account in all balance. The Empress protects.”

A hum of power coursed through the ship, the display screens vibrating beneath the feet of the council members. Every single ship within the Iyserian Navy trembled with fearsome power, as their mighty guns began to shell the Iyserian planet. Over a thousand ships began to bombard the planet from high orbit, rays of superheated plasma boiling the seas and scorching the world. Virus bombs designed by Lucia Nox began to strip the organic life in a merciful death, denying the Ravaged any chance of spreading beyond their original numbers.

Meros stood, hands clenched into fists tightly as they shook with a deep set rage. She watched her people die, they died from something she promised to protect them from. Already the green in the world became cracked with red and orange flames as the surface was broken from the temperate paradise it knew. A fearsome sight, to see every gun turned on her own people, in order to protect them.

Director Talcora, the Minister of Technology and Design, stepped forward with his metal staff for support. His face was shrouded  by his hood, and metal rubes ran from beneath it, to various augmented parts of his body. The director was more machine than man, and it disgusted Madivisia to no end. But he did his job, and the Empress favours him. “It is human nature to seek culpability in a time of tragedy. It is a sign of strength to cry out against fate, rather than bow one’s head and….succumb.”

Talcora hissed a sound of a filtered breath, adjusting a dial upon his breastplate before he continued. “Inevitably, many shall fault the hands upon the sword that fell upon Cotrim, the Council of Iysen. But the Council merely performs the duties of its charge. To further fear them is redundant. To hate them, heretical. Those more sensible will place responsibility with those who forced the hands of the Council. With some fortune, they may foster this hatred into purpose, and further rule their fate by coming to the Empress’ service.”

Meros turned around at the end of Talcora’s Address, her helmet removed and exposing her furious, war-painted visage. Her voice was, however, terrifyingly even and reserved, a tone that all knew in the room knew was wise to fear her, when she spoke like this. “The Ravaged have two fleets. One of them is heading to the station that Lucia Nox is being held at. Nerinah. Alistair. Corvus, and Pentecost. You will all go there, under terms of a temporary peace, and bring me back my Chief Apothicarium. You will defeat the Ravaged and not let them take the system. Take the IYSO Wraiths, and the Shock Corps.”

Meros turned around, looking down at the dying world with her silvery-grey eyes. A deep breath was taken, before she slowly shook her head. “I will take Lyra and the Storm Guard to meet a Monarch. It’s time the traitors did something useful, and contributed to their homeworld’s defense.”