#bc i genuinely dont know what im doing

[tommysm0ondust]

wrote a fanfic guys!! well, the first chapter of it.

it's a teen wolf time travel fic starring my fav duo (and ship) Stiles and Derek!!!

I can't rly find any time travel fics in the fandom that I like so I just wrote my own💥💥💥

hope ppl like it‼️‼️‼️‼️

https://archiveofourown.org/works/53780710

teehee

#be nice ok guys #this is only my second fic ever #idk what im even doing #but i like it actually #i tried to make their personalities accurate #but i also suck at writing #and don't know good words to use #so forgive me pls for any mistakes #and actually pls tell me if i make any mistakes #bc i genuinely dont know what im doing #teehee #anyways #hope anyone who reads it enjoys it #teen wolf #stiles stilinski #derek hale #time travel #time travel fic #fanfic #fanfiction #teen wolf fanfiction #teen wolf stiles #teen wolf derek hale #spark stiles #magic stiles #sterek #sterek fic #sterek fanfic #stiles x derek #ao3

[skitskatdacat63]

Fernando Alonso & His Relationship With Cards

I'm sure we're all familar with the cards on the back of Fernando's Vegas GP helmet by now, but did you know his relationship with cards goes a lot deeper?

I. Magic Tricks

You've probably seen or heard someone at least mention Fernando's propensity for card tricks. As far as I can tell he was doing them(publically) as far back as 2003 all the way to as recently as 2018. Even once performing a card trick, with a condom and a teddy bear(!??!?!??!!), in front of Valentino Rossi who said "How was that possible?"(x)

But how did this start? According to James Allen, "Fernando admits to having been heavily influenced by his grandfather, a mercurial figure, who taught him magic and card tricks, still one of his passions away from the race track."(x) And I'm not sure the validity of this one, because I couldn't find an actual source, but apparently he once said: "My parents are responsible for the two things I like doing most - driving and magic tricks. They bought me my first go-kart and a magician's kit."

In several interviews he described it as his hobby off track, and that he loved learning new tricks and surprising others in the garage with them! So clearly cards are pretty important to him both as a hobby but also to who he is as a person since they've been with him just as long as racing has.

II. Card Symbolism in His Helmets

This is the reason I originally made this post, but I thought I should also explain the origins of his card fascination first. As I said, we probably all remember the cards on the back of his helmet in Vegas, but did you know that wasn't the first time he had cards on the back of his helmet?

From 2008-2013, he used to have a pair of cards on the back of his helmets. The symbolisms of the cards themselves as well as the evolution of their design is really fascinating to me! Even more so with the recent development of the card choice in 2023.

Fernando said he wanted to reference his two titles in some way on the back of his helmet and after his friend sent him several ideas, he decided on having two cards(an ace of clubs and an ace of hearts, sometimes pictured with 05 and 06 on them as well), saying: "I picked the cloverleaf [the ace of clubs - Ed] to give me luck, but the only pity is that it doesn't have four leaves!"(X)

2008.

Here's the very first appearance of the cards! They're displayed flat, with the 05 and 06 clearly visible

2009.

Very similar to 2008, but with a slightly different design, and they're maybe a bit more straight with less shadow?

2010.

This is the first major change! I was sad they didn't have the years on them anymore, but then I realized they're sparkly to match with his signature lightning bolts on the top of the helmet!!

2011.

Honestly I'm still somewhat unsure if this is the actual 2011 helmet? It's pretty difficult to find clear photos of the back of helmets from older seasons. It's easiest to find them on replica sites or auction sites so I'm not 100%? But anyways, I like that this has the championship years on the underside of the cards

2012.

This is when I started getting weirdly emotional about the helmets. Do you see how they've progressed from being a centerpoint to being curled up and sad at the bottom of the helmet? Not listing the year anymore??

2013.

Same thoughts as 2012. And after this season, they cease to exist (just like his ferrari chair in the garage, WOAH CALLBACK), until cards make a reeappearance in his Vegas helmet, albeit in a different form

2013 Monaco(Honorable Mention):

For some reason 2013 helmets were easier to find proper pictures of, so I happened to witness this absolute beauty. The creativity of this helmet genuinely blows me away??? Wanting to keep the card motif, but making sure to incorporate it into the rest of the puzzle piece design?? Mwah! There was another special 2013 helmet but they didn't change the cards at all so I really applaud this one

2023 Las Vegas(The Return of The King):

The magnificent return! But look! The cards are different cards! Instead of being two aces, it's now an ace of hearts, a four of hearts(his driver number of course!) and, the, now iconic, representation of himself as a Joker. I literally could not believe my eyes when this helmet was released and I saw the Joker card, what a fucking silly old man....I really wonder if he felt nostalgic having cards on his helmet again or if he didn't think about it all and was just like, "ah cards because Vegas!!!"

III. Why Does This Matter?

*The rest of the post was factual, this is moreso my personal thoughts on the symbolism of the cards/designs

This post spawned from me recently watching the 2010 Bahrain gp and noticing "hey wait a minute...are those CARDS ON THE BACK OF HIS HELMET!?" It's a really tiny detail that's unfortunately covered up by the HANS device pretty much whenever he's wearing the helmet, so it's really difficult to spot! But I became fascinated with the fact that he had cards on his helmet before that recent helmet, and now here we are!

There's something to me about how the design of the cards evolves over the course of six seasons from the cards being front and center to being smaller, more folded up and closer to the bottom of the helmet. As I said, the 2012-2013 ones genuinely made me depressed because it feels, symbolically, like his hopes for getting another Ace are becoming more and more unlikely and falling away until they eventually fall falt and fade away entirely after 2013 and disappear for basically a decade.

But when they return? They're not the same cards! Instead of representing Fernando's championships, they now represent him as a person, displaying his driver number and his persona of being a Joker!! Though I do think it's interesting he happened to keep the Ace of Hearts, even though he talked more about the Ace of Clubs before. I'm not sure it's actually this deep in reality, but I like to think that it's him not letting his championships(and the lack thereof) define him, but rather letting who he is as a person shine and be the centerpoint instead! But on a sadder note, as @suzuki-ecstar said to me, maybe the Aces aren't there anymore because he's lost all hope for a chance at a third Ace entirely :(

#yes its finals week and im up to my eyes in coursework but instead decided to spend like 5 hours researching and writing this post #nah bcs i actually genuinely put more work into this then I think I have all semester dsfjdskjg #that thing about him using a condom and teddy bear in a magic trick genuinely had me crying with laugher. actual tears rolling down my face #<- HOW!?!? WHAT WAS THE TRICK?? its literally inconceivable to me what he did. oh if only there were pics UGH #anyways!! this post was a lot of fun to make!! i really really love the symbolism and design of helmets so this was a rly fun project #and i also went down a lot of rabbitholes while make this and saw many very weird articles from yore #i feel like i make an equal amnt of deranged posts abt seb and nando but i dont know why nando is gifted w all my well researched projects #<- i.e. chair post. that was the same level of research as this one but at least this one i could find actual sources about.... #idk theres smth about the extremely long history of nando's history that evokes research posts like this KLAJSLSKDJ #theres just so much that i dont think I ever really see people discussing! so i must create. #haha what was that joke tag i wanted to make abt my researched posts? I think: #normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion #<- one day ill go back and actually tag posts w that. bcs the amtn of research compared to my actual schoolwork is so unwell #fernando alonso #fa14 #f1 #formula 1 #catie.rambling.txt #we do a little bit of f1

[hella1975]

it's been pointed out on here before that a lot of terf arguments are actually rooted in sexist idealology that feminists fought and died to unnormalise decades ago and that's its own kettle of fish but one thing i also find very frustrating about this so called 'radical' feminism is that it's so... defeatist? like the moment you categorically label an entire section of society as Bad and Inherently Evil then there's also the implication that nothing can be done about it, and it completely takes all accountability away. saying all men are evil is just another way of saying boys will be boys. he raped her because he's a man. he hit her because he's a man. he didn't listen because he's a man - it's almost offensively oversimplified. there's no point trying to fix this issue in society because men are just Like That, okay! so now what? it's not like they're going anywhere, so you just accept that 50% of the population are evil and will forever treat you terribly and there's nothing to be done about it bc they're biologically predisposed to it? like is that fr the argument here? you're soooo radical for that

#this is coming from someone who used to very genuinely be a misandrist #ironically it was only when i started actually analysing my own feminism that i got MORE confrontational with men #and started respecting my boundaries a lot better BECAUSE i started holding them accountable again #like when men treat me like shit nowadays i dont just write it off as 'what did you expect? he's a man' i get MAD about it #because i EXPECT BETTER FROM THEM even if it's just tiny shit women have to deal with daily #i hold them to just as high a standard as im held to and i make them take accountability when they dont meet that #and whether you realise it or not even on a subconscious level the MOMENT you black-and-white blanket statement all men as bad #you stop holding them accountable. #like it is literally just boys will be boys. do terfs seriously not realise they're sending feminism BACKWARDS #like if a girl came to me with her trauma and people - other girls no less - tried to comfort her with 'yeah all men are evil' #id be fucking furious. like no he did that because he was a piece of shit that had it normalised to him that women arent to be respected #dont you dare let him off the hook with something as simple and uncritical as 'he's a man' #i promise you men like that will MUCH prefer a blanket statement such as 'all men are as bad as each other' #than actually being point blank told they're an abuser or a rapist. because being lumped together is comfortable and even empowering #wheras isolating their behaviour with words that are Bad and Ugly (LIKE 'rapist') is not comfortable at all and has heavy connotations #idk i dont think radical feminism is always bad on its own it can be v liberating. just terfs and misandrists that i have a problem with #dropping this post in a piranha tank and closing tumblr knowing im gonna have some thirty year old karen yelling at me within 5 mins #i probably wont respond to any terf comments bc they literally mentally exhaust me with their stupidity #but that also depends on my mood and ability to keep my mouth shut LMFAO we shall see

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

thank you WH update for confirming that Wally breathes. i really thought he didnt <3

#but also fuck it for confirming that bc it sounds like hes in pain and it hurts my shriveled heart #(keep it up the pain is top tier <3 hurt him more. but also dont. but Do. i want the emotional agony attached) #but uhhhhh seriously tho i did Not expect breathing to be in his library of skills #absolutely unprompted #welcome home #'why is that' i hear one person passively wonder #well considering that he doesnt sleep. and he doesnt eat normally - one could argue that he Doesnt eat either. #and how he Knows hes a puppet. #i really thought he wouldnt feel an innate need to keep up a charade of 'breathing' like the others who are Unaware! #BUT IT TURNS OUT ITS NOT A CHARADE AHAHA #THEY KINDA NEED TO APPARENTLY! at least i can assume so #but i was Genuinely surprised to hear wally's labored breathing in his hidden record audios #i almost paused the first one i heard to go 'what??? he can breathe??' #i had convinced myself of it so Thoroughly that i need to edit some stuff in my brain #bc oh boy i had Thoughts completely centered on that #oh well! into the fire they go!! #im happy for him. puppet man gets to enjoy the annoyance that is breathing

[oifaaa]

Bruce should kill the Joker because he created the Joker. Batman is the one that chased him into ace chemicals which resulted in him falling into the acid and the Joker is obsessed with Batman. We’ve seen (at least in one DC movie) that the Joker just stops being the Joker when Bruce dies. Could this all have happened without Batman? Yes and then it would be someone else’s problem but right now Joker is a monster of Batman’s creation and he should be the one to end him.

On your same logic should it also be on Joker's parents since they also created him, or maybe on the government / social systems since they were the ones that failed joker to begin with and made him turn to a life of crime ? If anyone has the legal right in America to kill the joker it would be the criminal justice system so why dont they sentence joker to death? Bruce hands joker off to the local authorities every other week shouldnt it be their responsibility at that point to keep joker incarcerated until he can be deemed no longer a threat to himself and others? And just bc one dc movie said joker would stop after Bruce dies doesn't mean that always happens especially with how dc keeps insisting there are multiple jokers- does Bruce have to kill all the jokers or just the one he personally spooked off the side of a platform by accident? I don't totally think you can blame Bruce for joker being as insane as he is since harley took the same dip and she still redeemable, and I don't think it should be on Bruce to compromise his morals just to kill a clown that literally several other people can kill - and I know " "ohh but Bruce gets in the way" then don't tell batman about it don't invite batman to your execution of the joker don't let him find out when Bruce's no kill rule is at its maximum (bc writers can't decide how extreme it should be) he can't let anyone die if he knows about it so just be sneaky and don't let him know

#ask #anon #i think its funny that people also are ignoring #bruce himself in this argument #bc bruce says constantly #if i kill one person i will not be able to stop #hes literally like someone who knows they have an addictive personality #refusing alcohol at a party and everyone keeps saying nah but this one drink its only one drink and you made the drink the drink deserves i #are you all prepared for the batman you get after he kills i guess is what im asking #anyway bc of a certain someone i really wanna draw some werewolf jason again #so might do that tonight #well see #but yeah genuinely been enjoying reading everyones opinion on the matter #so far i dont think any have changed my mind #just nice seeing everyone talk about it too

[eggbagelz]

gale voice here feel the pulse of the magic in my heart that will eventually be the end of me. im on my knees before you like an animal showing its belly. im in excrutiating pain bc of the contact with the magic in my heart but please dont take your hand away please dont stop touching me

#gale of waterdeep #paydja plays baldur's gate #the relationship a lot of the companions have with their bodies is fucking fascinating #but gale and karlach's relation to their heart and to human contact is particularly compelling #i cant say who has it worse bc thats a stupid comparison to make when they both have hearts that could literally detonate at any moment #[ik that karlach cant do human contact at all and gale cant but im talking abt emotionally significant contact which is smth they share] #but rn im focusing on gale ill talk abt karlach later #hes so interesting like hes initially played as arrogant but i think that whole thing with mystra #really fucked him up bc he talks abt himself like hes. not a means to an end per se but u get the gist #you can see the way he talks abt sense and sensuality and emotional connection but as soon as you actually offer it via flirting or just #genuine compliments hes always surprised and always changes the subject #partially out of like. emotiona damage and partially bc he doesnt want to go boom #ANYWAY WHAT IM SAYING IS hes in pain bc of the contact being made with the magic that makes up his heart but #by god please dont take your hand away. please dont stop touching him. please #i hate this fucking game i hate it so much #chattering #sorry for the analysis it WILL happen again #im talking abt gale rn bc hes my favourite and currently the character i know the most about via gameplay #but there is PLENTY i can say abt everyone #god i keep saying this but its like why are you so good sometimes and also so bad. fucking Larian.

[cadaverkeys]

I understand that people are just trying to comfort me, of course I understand. But I sometimes feel that a resiliently happy and tenaciously optimistic personality aren't all that welcome when I'm going through a lot of grief. I don't know if I'm really "ready" to feel better. If that even makes sense. I feel like my body hasn't really processed everything that's happened and it's more effort to tell my friends to stop trying to put bandages on me than it would be to just pretend I was okay again and just grieve in private. I'm not sure what to do with it just yet ig :/

#rambles #i dont normally put like...vent type thoughts on my blog but i genuinely dont know what to think rn #im having trouble talking about my feelings on grief with people one to one bc of aforementioned optimism #my friend died recently and I dont know what to do w myself #i have so much responsibilities right now bc I'm graduating soon #and i have a lot of people relying on me to get my work done #it feels rude to him and his memory that im not missing a beat to sit and think of him #I'm just having to get back to it and put off his death until I have the time for it #i know that's so bleak but it's where I'm at rn #not sure how to trigger tag this? #bereavement #death

[the-knife-consumer]

"Yona was just added bc Nintendo wants people to stop shipping sidlink!" Literally what the hell are you talking about

#yes nintendo is homophobic. no they do not give a singular shit about what their fanbase does??? what are you talking abouuuutttt #they literally dont care what people do as long as they get money??? like what #listen im upset abt yona having so many unanswered questions. mainly she came from another zora's domain #meaning she came from outside of hyrule. so that leads to a lot of questions. #but howww do you come to the conclusion that she was just added as a 'no homo' indicator #dont even get me started on the people genuinely unironically calling this queerbaiting. what are you onnnnnnn #'and oh but sidon said he used to see her as a sister! so its gross and wrong!' sidon literally thought out loud to links face abt how #had things been different and link had gotten married to mipha he would be his BROTHER IN LAW. SAID THAT OUT LOUD TO HIS FACE. so shh #imo. yona was added for one 'ohh wow exciting new character look at this' and two. as a way for sidon's trauma to be acknowledged #bc it was veeery briefely shown in botw. for like. a singular second if you snuck up on him at mipha's statue #but yona's defining scene in totk was her forcing sidon to confront that he wasn't being himself because of that trauma. and that #he needed to let go of the fear around it. if only temporary. because his people needed him. #so tbh?? sheis very important to the plot. she new mipha. admired her. knows why sidon still struggles with this and #how difficult and frightening everything becomes when he views the world through the lens of 'what if i lose someone again' #like. they added yona for his struggles to be spelled out to the audience even further #so to just boil her down to 'ewww woman gets in the way of my gaybies 😡😡😡'. hello. did you play the game. #do you even know who these characters are. quick gimme ten facts about sidons character that you didnt make up for shipping purposes.pronto

[ajdrawshq]

ok. going for round 2.5 of isat instead of doing anything else on the completely normal and uneventful days that are today and tomorrow + however long this takes to accomplish. objectives:

get epilogue part i missed

hit max level with everyone (is there a difference in the event dialogue depending on which act this happens in??)

spend wayyy more time doing things in act 2 bc its too easy to speed thru it and miss stuff that might be different. like im talking ALL of the side quests possible and interact w Everything. apologies in advance to siffrin for this we are hitting loop amounts that should be unthinkable

interact with the leaf while in the room w the globe specifically. not sure if it does anything but i wanna check

sus achievement. need

figure out how to unlock that one house in town w an openphrase?? if possible?? surely theres a way to do that. right

do that mini quest w the bonding earrings pair bc i couldnt find who the other person was for the life of me . need to check epilogue

get all loop conversations ?

keep save of every act for future reference

collect and keep ALL souveniers during the last bit until the end . ive seen what they all do beforehand but some get used up so thats very missable

find the last equipment ?? where could that even be

whatever the rest of the achievements are that i dont know how to unlock. hopefully along the way <3

#i think i know how to do most of this. i think. probably #no idea what most of the hidden game achievements are tho.. #maybe ill hit em by accident #isat #this is just me making sure i remember what im doing for this playthrough . but really does the dialogue for that event change at all #i would think so but do i really wanna get them to that level so early in the game without that one memory.... #either way thats definitely an act 4ish thing. i cant remember if getting that memory is when u enter act 4 or not #sure as hell would be funny to try it in act 2 tho .. #actually is there a way to open that one house. dont tell me how just tell me if there is bc im genuinely unsure #the current lack of guides makes this a bit rough but its fun to find things on my own :3

[tianhai03]

C colored another one of my modern gacha addict vergil doodles from twitter lmaoo

#im glad they did bc now i can show you tumblr peeps what dumb shit ive been up to on twitter #while also showing off the fun coloring stuff C's doing with my sketches #its great #also C dont worry about bothering me i genuinely do enjoy seeing the stuff you do with my art!!! #i know you said you like to keep your anonymity on the internet but if you ever start an acc and post your own stuff #i'd totally look at them too! so dont worry about it #im just glad youre having fun doing this :) #fan's colorings #devil may cry #vergil(dmc) #featuring dante from the devil may cry series' arm #just his arm and nothing else #i wonder if i can actually make a whole au out of this. im terrible at making content for aus consistently but this one is so dumb and funny #i'll see what i can do #allyart

[sshcomic]

You have given me a great joy in life with your Renkaza au

May I ask, what happened to the rest of the Kamado family? Did they get their canon ending or are they with Nezuko as they try to deal with her new demonification?

oh yay im glad you're enjoying it so far! 🥰

nezuko's actually with her brother in the box, like in canon lol. i just havent drawn her--or inosuke or zenitsu--in the panels we've seen, but they're there!

as for the rest of the kamados... i actually havent decided LOL. my instinct is to save everyone, since this is a light-hearted comic strip, but also i'm not sure i'd be able to reliably write that since it involves more plot than the "stupid jokes loosely following canon" i mostly have written down aha. so i suppose it's a surprise for now, even for myself.

i guess we'll see!

#thanks for the ask 💖 #sorry if this isnt a satisfying answer but i genuinely dont know rn haha #rei replies #ssh extras #like the thing is. the thing is i had like a short emotional 'i see you' moment planned out between renkaza #for when upper six die but if i save the kamados then i feel obligated to save gyu and ume which means id have to rejig that #and i have Ideas for how but they lean into the kind of fluff that feels so divorced from canon idk if i actually want to write it??? #bc i do also love me some angst. hnn. i suppose we'll see how self-indulgent i decide to be about this #but looking at the way im characterizing hakuji u can tell im already being pretty self-indulgent LOL. 😂 #so yeah it's a surprise even for me! but i AM leaning toward the 'everyone lives' route rn. #it's just. upper moons 4 and 5 are much harder to want to save versus upper moon 6 yknow. or even 1 &2. #but it'd be weird to be like 'f those guys in particular' lol. u can see my conundrum. #at the same time... this is my story so i can do what i want to??? hm. #WE'LL SEE.

[sidesteppostinghours]

having a normal time this fine morning <- is making up an au for an au

#sorry im currently lying in bed merging the becker siblings with my “doesnt jump out the window during heartbreak” au and sobbing violently #that was a solo au for just cyrus and that was bad enough but inserting the siblings into it will genuinely be ruining the rest of my day #ok well. its way happier if all the becker siblings survive #but what Im thinking of is just one/two of them surviving #for cyrus specifically if he survived heartbreak he would keep being a hero #his suicidal tendencies would just be going 📈 #god. ortega finding the two of them again #iirc fawn was found first?? hed lose his shit about it #i think hed still have the puppetmaster scar bcs he was still touched by beartbreak #so hed. probably be equally insane about the two of them as ortega is. maybe more #MAN. HE WOULD HATE THE NEW SIDESTEPS WITH A BURNING PASSION #AND THERES TWO OF THEM. THEYRE MOCKING HIM. WHAT HE FAILED TO SAVE #he wouldnt try to kill them(bcs he still has a strong sense of justice in this au) but hes not above beating the living shit out of them #but like. if cyrus was one of the steps that “died”? hed still be a villain but i genuinely dont know if hed still be a hero hunter #too much pain attached to actively seek out the other sibling #i think people might be a lot more suspicious than they are currently because of his avoidance of the hero step #anyway. @ gideon and idle if you have any thoughts on this. please #i have to know what revenge scar river and present rivalry fawn would do in these situations #cyrus becker(s) #keeping up with the beckers #pulp speaks

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

what if You wanted to "post on kofi", but Kofi said "log in"

#im. Im Already Logged In. what more do you want from me #i click log in. it tells me im logged in. i click to my page. it tells me to log in #HUH???? #i act like this is new! this has been going on! for A While! #but i've just now decided to publicly bitch about because im. well i want to! who am i if not a Complainer! #LET ME POST. MY ART. THERE. #YA LIL FUCKER! #let me innnnn LET ME INNNN #absolutely unprompted #it also Bugged The Fuck Out when i tried to sign in #and it was like 'ouuuuughhhhhh your password is wronnggggg reset it' #ok. Ok. i'll reset it #and then kofi showed me my 'old' password and it was THE EXACT SAME THING I HAD BEEN TYPING IN. TIME AND TIME AGAIN. #who do i have to maim! huh! WHO! #point me at a jugular i can rip out with my teeth! #kofi: this is what you can do. log in or tip yourself #EXCEPT!!! i cant log in. bc im already logged in. but no im not #i ask kofi Am I Logged In and it says 'well yes. but actually no' #you know! this goes right in line with how my life has gone so far! this is very On Brand! #i dont know how i do it #but i manage to fuck things up in new never before seen ways! i genuinely consider it a Skill!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying #shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl #in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated #bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not #her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet #so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive #personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd #compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from #happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is #like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil #not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am #barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me #and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them #but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and #thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard #to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds #nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of #brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but #that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer #defying the stats but for how much longer? #i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it #i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else #excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things #unrelated #ed mention #i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama #bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]

[niishi]

Don't do a thinkpiece on skypiea if you're going to completely ignore white christian settler colonization and indigenous genocide. Just don't talk about it.

#its so wild how smart ppl who watch one piece are #yall can write theories all day long and im like wow yall are so smart #but when it comes to skypiea you go braindead #i do not believe youre that stupid #that you dont recognize it #i genuinely just think youre anti indigenous #and dont want to recognize anything doing with indigenous genocide bc you benefit so much from it #ive been looking online for anything that has an intelligent take on skypiea and i havent found much #ppl comparing it to palestine #which is fair #but imo wano represents that situation a lot better #its pretty obvious skypiea is commentary on the indigenous genocide of north america #i think you guys forget that #by tens of millions #and hundreds of years #thats the biggest and longest lasting genocide in human history #nothing in history comes anywhere close to what was done to indignenous north americans #i know yall dont care and dont take it seriously #but odas not a fucking brain dead dumb ass bitch #obviously hed make one of the most important arcs in the series revolve around a significant real world event #its even the way that he went out of his way to show that the indigenous ppl are somewhat sovereign #but theyre STILL being targeted by the white ppl and controlled by white christian colonization

[toastsnaffler]

in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....

#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns- #that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭 #to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space #like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use- #to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol) #to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum- #or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else #other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh #to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn #i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding #and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt #unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world... #its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow #and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while.. #anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation #abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol #and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever #and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress #i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters..... #altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes #like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up #a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl #ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs #im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌 #another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo #.diaries #zzzzz