#babyloss

[ttc-baby]

March 10th

Today should be one of the happiest days of our lives. We should be giving birth to our precious angel baby, but instead we are here with empty arms and a broken heart. Today will be a rough day for the rest of my life. I pray that one day I will get to hold my babies tight on this day, but for now that seems like just a dream. I can only hope that these next few months bring some clarity to our fertility journey and we can move forward trying for another baby. Until then I’ll mourn the loss of our rainbow baby and be grateful for the opportunities that have been laid before me.

#ttc #tryingtoconceive #rainbowbaby #babyloss #angle baby #ttc after loss #ttc after mc #ttc with infertility

[peachesandpoems]

Almost Parent

''Maybe it was for the better''

''It wasn't meant to be''

''No matter how it happened, you weren't going to be in it's life anyway''

fuck off.

"Were you even gonna keep it?"

"It's really for the best, you did save some money on the procedure"

"You just weren't meant to be a parent''

Fuck off.

"God knew you could handle it"

"God didn't think it was your time"

"He had other plans"

"He needed them more than you"

Fuck Off.

"the first one was almost 4 years ago, shouldn't you be over it"

"It wasn't even that far along"

"At least you didn't have a stillbirth"

"At least they were gone before they were in your life"

"At least they didn't feel anything"

FUCK OFF

things not to say, to anyone.

#poems #poetry #poem #loss #loss of a loved one #grief poem #heart ache #miscarriage #miscarrying #babyloss #pregnancy loss

[bereaved-mama]

"and once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storms all about"

#angel baby #babyloss #bereaved #bereaved mom #stillbirth #angel babies #child loss #life after malakai

[thatpcoslossmama]

Hello Friends 💙

I'm Shay and I'm 20 ❤️

I made this blog to help me talk about my struggles whilst trying to conceive my second child with PCOS.

I was diagnosed when I was 16 and was warned I would have trouble conceiving children in the future, this devistated me because all I have ever wanted to be in with world is a mother.

When I was 19, I met my soulmate. And 2 months into our relationship we found out I was pregnant.

It was a complete accident but we were still over the moon and so excited to be parents. I loved being pregnant and I was very prepared to be a mum.

At 20 weeks, my waters broke. We were assured there was still a chance we could make it to viability but unfortunately 3 days later my sons cord fell through my cervix, which sealed our fate.

Our son, Aspyn, was born 3 days later at 21 weeks. He passed during birth.

TTC after losing a child is hard, but its a hell of a lot harder with PCOS. It's been 6 months since my son passed and I have only had 1 period in that time.

I'm here to lose some weight, impliment more positive changes for my body and kick PCOS's ass so my partner and I can finally give birth to a child who can cry when they're born.

Everything I do is with my son in my heart, he can never be replaced or forgotten 💙

#pcosproblems #pcossucks #pcosawareness #pcosfighter #child loss #babyloss #ttcjourney #ttc with pcos #ttc after loss

[myflowerinheaven]

#pregnancyloss #babyloss

[sineadshinelight]

If I can’t live with you, then I have to live for you, and I will keep your memory alive in the most positive way I know how. Kindness creates a ripple effect, touching lives you don’t even know about. Kindness is good for the mental health of not only the one who receives the kindness, but the giver of kindness also benefits from positive mental health Lets spread kindness 🥰 Repost from @moreandbest10 • I will say your name and tell your story to all who will hear it. I will do good because of you. I will let the world know that you were here. Lives will change for the better because of you. I will not sit quietly. I will not let them forget. You were here. You were mine. Your life has purpose and you matter. My final act of love is keeping your memory alive. #grief #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefawareness #normalizegrief #childloss #infantloss #miscarriage #stillbirth #tfmr #neonatalloss #parentingafterloss #lifeafterloss #grievingmother #babyloss #babylosscommunity #lossmama #heylossmama #bereavedmother #bereavedparents (at Kindness Inspires Kindness) https://www.instagram.com/p/CpvUu4aM2r0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#grief #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefawareness #normalizegrief #childloss #infantloss #miscarriage #stillbirth #tfmr #neonatalloss #parentingafterloss #lifeafterloss #grievingmother #babyloss #babylosscommunity #lossmama #heylossmama #bereavedmother #bereavedparents

[martinacollenderplaywrightblog]

My Little Secret

I kept a little secret,

I kept it in my heart,

Of a tiny baby not yet born,

Of a tiny baby not yet lived,

My missed secret.

I keep my little secret,

Safe in my heart,

And I go to it,

To remember what might have been.

To remember what could have come.

I keep this little secret,

Nestled in my heart,

And I return,

To remember all that might be forgotten.

My little secret,

Is buried in the woods,

Among the squirrels and the birds and bees.

Just for me to know.

My little secret,

Is most nights,

I hold you in my arms,

I dream,

In blissful ignorant happiness.

My little secret,

Is my arms are longing,

Aching,

With the weight of emptiness,

Of my baby.

And I share my little secret with no one.

My little secret is my own,

To keep,

And never share,

With this cruel world.

#babyloss #miscarriage #rainbow baby #writing #griefsucks #coping with grief #babyshoes #angel #loss #mother #baby #babylossawearness #motherwithoutababy #babylossawearness2022

[grivingmama]

July 19,2022

I should be 5 month pregnant this month, but unfortunately I lost you on April 1st of this year. What a cruel day. It was a day I was looking forward to, to getting to see you for the first time, hoping to hear your heartbeat. Instead I was told, “non viable” I lost you. I will never forget that day, I’ll never forget going to the doctors with your daddy, watching his face as they was doing the ultrasound to only find nothing. I remember hearing those words, and crashing into a thousand little pieces. It’s been 3 months now, 3 months of me missing you, wondering what you would of looked like. If you’d have your daddy’s eyes and my eyes. I’d wonder if you’d be a nerd like me or be into cars like him. I’ll miss you for the rest of my life, my little Zoe. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you, everything reminds me of you. I love you my angel, I hope you know that.

#babyloss

[dearasiyah]

“I’ll never forget that moment when… “ — Missing you a lot these days. Without even looking at the calendar my body just knows that it’ll be the 15th & my mind starts thinking about all the possible outcomes again but with you in it.

#dearasiyah #lifeafterloss #bereavedmother #grief #infantloss #muslimmom #pregnancyloss #babyloss #griefjourney #griefinislam #alhamdulilah #griefandloss #infantlossinislam #infantlosssupport #lossmama #stillborn #stillbirthstillloved

[gemcuare]

Mama of Two

Every year on the first Sunday in May, International Bereaved Mother's Day honors mothers who have lost a child. It's also a day to recognize women who cannot be a mother due to infertility or other health reasons. One of the hardest days for many women around the world as Mother's Day.

TRIGGER WARNING mention of loss

So I will carry you While your heart beats here Long beyond the empty cradle Through the coming years I will carry you All my life And I will praise the One Who's chosen me To carry you

It’s been a little over four years now since I started this motherhood journey. Even my last proper blog entry here was about Maternity... an experience I wanted to write about in a series. But obviously, four years have passed since and my son has now grown into this wonderful, cheeky big boy (family also moved from Korea to New Zealand)! I just wrote about the second trimester the last time I sat to blog here and now I am at this stage of getting him his first soccer shoes and having his primary school enrolment lined up. Time sure did fly!

But as the title of this entry suggests, I also have a second child. And that, after gathering some courage, I promised myself to write. Nothing inspiring or interesting like that. But still something I hold close to my heart and will read back in years to come. Anyway...

In September 2020, after a year or so of anxiety from secondary infertility (my hormones have always been at odds with me for forever) while trying to conceive Baby #2, I received the miracle of an answered prayer... and that was the wanted pregnancy. 

It was the 7th week (October), instead of an ultrasound to confirm a heartbeat, I found myself waking up from an emergency surgery. While I was in bed, the surgeon stopped by, showed me photos of my uterus, the right fallopian tube where the fetus was in, the beginning stages of internal bleeding-- the cold clinical diagnosis of an ectopic pregnancy, and the successful laparoscopy. From a medical and moral standpoint, the pregnancy was not viable, the internal bleeding was life-threatening, so termination was inevitable.

Compassionately, the doctors expressed their sympathy and added a hopeful “Next time we hope to see you in the maternity ward (to deliver a baby)...” I sighed a sigh of relief, thanked them for saving my life, and got myself ready for the road to recovery.

Or not. 

It didn’t take long from the “I can’t believe it, we’re gonna have another baby!” to turn into “I can’t believe I lost a baby.” 

Just as two lines on a pregnancy test could easily lead to a future family of four... until something goes wrong and your worst fear is realised.

From Congratulations to I’m sorry.

From dream come true to living a nightmare.

From exciting to traumatic.

From thanking God for an answered prayer to being angry at God for the tragedy.

Grief. Yes, it has become very much a big part of me since that day of my surgery. Since becoming a mother. Of. Two.

6 years ago, when I lost my father at 52, grief entered and changed me and scarred me for life. Then...

It happened again. 

Not long ago, I was happy and hopeful... now I’m walking this sometimes painful, sometimes numbing, always lonely road of grief. My incision scars have long faded and all. I even forget that I had a body part gone. But not the part of my Mama heart that died.

I often listen to Bethany Barnard’s song, Tears on Your Face. A raw and beautiful song coming from grief... one of my go-to songs for comfort to ride a wave of grief or anger that knocks the wind out of my faith.

You don't fast forward me through this And I've gotta reconcile that You want to know me when I'm like this And I've gotta reconcile that You didn't change the diagnosis And I've gotta reconcile that You've reconciled it all in Your flesh

And like her, I’m still trying to make sense of my life post the loss. 

It’s now 2022, I’m living through a global pandemic, inflation, and war but I’ll shamelessly admit that I’m still hung up on losing that baby. There was even a phase... whenever I heard someone complain about something, and while listening, looking like I was empathizing, but mentally I was raging. So? But I lost my baby...

The weather sucks. So? But I lost my baby.. 

Traffic sucks. So? But I lost my baby.. 

The housing market sucks. So? But I lost my baby..

COVID sucks.  So? But I lost my baby..

The government sucks.  So? But I lost my baby..

Everyone around me moved on in life. And to me, that felt wrong. But that was just my grief. 

I couldn’t stand pregnancy and baby related posts on social media. But that was just my grief. 

I gave my son extra hugs thinking bitterly that he might be an only child. But that was just my grief. 

I stopped praying. I was scared that instead of giving, God will keep taking away from me. But that was just my grief.

On better days, I find comfort in knowing that my baby is Home in Glory, like my Papa. That she (or he) won’t have to experience the struggles of living in this fallen world, she was spared of suffering and evil. And that I will meet her. Even if it’s for the first time. Because God made her soul, she exists. I’ll always be her mum and she will always be my child. God is good. I’m gonna be okay.

On difficult days, I am far from okay. Hours of stuffing my face in a pillow, stifling the ugly bawling. Here I go again, mourning...

I know that I’ll be brokenhearted for a very long time... I’ve read so many stuff coming from mothers who lost children from every stage of pregnancy or infancy... In Reddit, Facebook groups, Youtube’s comment section. Mothers mourning for 10, 20, 50 long years. Crying about someone they’ll never know in this life but alive and loved, forever carried in their hearts. So much grief and pain.

This is the world of bereaved mothers. A place no Mama deserves to find themselves in. A life I didn’t want to know and am crippled with.

I am all here to celebrate my son’s milestones. Absolutely! but also a part of me will grieve for the other one who didn’t make it... 

Knowing what I know, I hoped to go through it all again, you see.  Having been through pregnancy, babyhood, and now childhood through raising my son... I was going to be an improved version, not like a first-timer. But instead, I am in a loop, hounded by what-if’s and could be’s... I never thought it’ll be silently devastating. The trauma is so sneaky, out of nowhere it messes with me.

I wasn’t prepared for it-- the unbearable thought of never knowing.

The sound of your heartbeat.

The sleepless nights. The cuddles and kisses.

What you’d look like. Your smile. Your frown. 

What you’d sound like.  When you call me “Mama.”

I wasn’t prepared for it-- the guilt.

I was supposed to keep you healthy and safe and alive. But instead, from the womb, I couldn’t. For all I know, you were a perfectly healthy baby, but to preserve my life, yours was cut short. I gave up my right tube for my right to live. For my health and future’s sake. While you were just getting started, cells still multiplying, your tiny heart still beating. *SNIP* Tube removed. That was it?

I feel like I should be very sorry. Why, my poor baby, you had to go that way?

I wasn’t prepared for it-- a future of missing someone.

When we take a family picture, Christmas, New Year, birthdays, and every June. I can just see you there, you were going to turn 2.

So it’s just right to not ever forget you. I can’t and I shouldn’t. I’ll make sure your brother knows you. But even if it’s just me, I’ll cry when I think of you, when you were given to me and when I lost you. I’ll still imagine you could have been my little girl or boy, someone to cherish and be proud of. Always part of the family I’ve always wanted... 

You belong here.

 And on That Day, when I face you, I can say that in my life, in my own way, no matter what, Mama’s here and I love you.

Helpful Links:

13 Things You Should Know About Grief After Miscarriage or Baby Loss

Things Not to Say to Someone After a Miscarriage

The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust

Pregnancy/Infant/Child Loss Support

An Unexpected Family Outing

P.S.  To family and friends and co-workers who have been there for me, and prayed for me, I also want to say THANK YOU again. I may not be in a better place yet emotionally, and even my faith walk has nothing to show for it... Two years on, know that I’ll always be grateful.

#InternationalBereavedMothersDay #babyloss #ectopicpregnancy

[chasingaprilsrainbow]

Not a Pregnancy Announcement

A year ago this past January, I realized I might be pregnant as I sat on my couch chatting with my mother. I tested negative, but something told me to test again, and I did, for three days on the third day, that is when I got those two pink lines. Those two wonderful pink lines. They were faint, but I figured it could only go up from here right? How wrong I was, I tested the next day just because I couldn't believe it, the lines were more faint, and the next day barely visible. I went to the doctor for blood, and they were barely positive. The following day I started bleeding. Baby boy/girl was my rainbow, and now I had to give him/her back to the universe, where my first angel baby resided. I completely shut my partner out, as a matter of fact, I told him I wanted nothing to do with him anymore, and he didn't understand. In a haste of anger, sadness, and grief I got the Nexplanon put in. I couldn't imagine going through a miscarriage a third time. I just couldn't. Our darling rainbow was due September 13, 2023(based off calculations). And we will love them forever.

This February, I had my Nexplanon removed, and my partner and I are now actively trying to conceive our double rainbow. I will post updates and stories of our journey here as frequently as I remember. It took over a year to be ready to even think of TTC again, but we are ready, with hearts cautious but optimistic. We'll never forget our beloved angel baby. Remember, it is OK to grieve for as long as you need to. Love and baby dust to all!

#ttc with pcos #pcos #infertility blog #angle baby #ttc with infertility #ttc after loss #babyloss #rainbowbaby #fertilityjourney #ttc after mc

[ttc-baby]

It’s been a minute since I’ve updated everyone. Last cycle failed. I didn’t have high hopes for it since we missed our window.

We have a follow up with our obgyn in January so we are “kinda” taking a break from the fertility treatments, till we talk to her.

I took this month into my own hands because we had a clomid prescription that was already filled. So I took it and we are going to see if my body does what it is supposed to do. I am using opks to test for ovulation. Tomorrow is CD 14 so I should be ovulating soon. My test today have progressively gotten darker but it’s not at peak yet so fingers crossed!

#ttc #ttc baby 1 #tryingtoconceive #rainbowbaby #babyloss #angle baby #babymaking #ttc after loss #ttc after mc #ttc with infertility

[bereaved-mama]

What if I'm standing in your closet trying to talk to you? And what if I kept the hand-me-downs you won't grow into? And what if I really thought some miracle would see us through? What if the miracle was even getting one moment with you?..💔

#angel baby #angel babies #babyloss #bereaved #child loss #stillbirth #bereaved mom #bereaved mothers #bereaved parents #malakai everett

[talktoangel2]

stages of grief

The stages of grief, as originally proposed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, are a framework that describes the emotional and psychological process people often go through when faced with a significant loss or bereavement. While it's important to note that not everyone experiences grief in the same way or follows a linear progression through these stages, they can provide a general understanding of the common reactions individuals may have. The stages of grieving are listed as follows:

Denial: This initial stage involves shock and disbelief, where the individual may struggle to accept the reality of the loss. They could experience emotional numbness or detachment.

Anger: As the denial fades, feelings of anger and frustration may emerge. The person may direct their anger toward themselves, others, or even the situation itself. It's a normal response to the loss and can be a way of expressing pain.

Bargaining: In this stage, individuals may attempt to negotiate or make deals in an attempt to reverse or mitigate the loss. They may find themselves making promises or seeking a different outcome, often in a religious or spiritual context.

Depression: Feelings of sadness, helplessness, and despair are common during the depression stage. The individual may withdraw from others, experience difficulty concentrating, and have a loss of interest in activities they once enjoyed.

Acceptance: This last stage entails accepting the loss and incorporating it into one's life. It does not mean that the person has completely "gotten over" the loss, but rather that they have found a way to move forward and adjust to a new reality.

TalkToAngel is an “Online counselling” platform that provides professional support and guidance to individuals facing various challenges, including grief and loss.

Working with an “Online counsellor” can provide support and assistance throughout the grieving process. They can help individuals explore their emotions, work through the stages of grief, and develop healthy coping mechanisms. 

TO READ MORE:- https://www.talktoangel.com/area-of-expertise/grief-and-loss

#grief #loss #griefjourney #griefsupport #griefandloss #love #grieving #healing #mentalhealth #bereavement #death #griefquotes #childloss #lifeafterloss #griefawareness #miscarriage #anxiety #depression #hope #babyloss #trauma #infantloss #family #stillbirth #support #selfcare #pregnancyloss #griefrecovery #griefsucks #mentalhealthawareness

[myflowerinheaven]

#babyloss #pregnancyloss

[photographertherapistblogger2]

So today I'm feeling a little emotional and I'm thinking about the baby i lost and its just hit my like a smack in the face, honestly all I want right now is my baby back and I know I can't so I'm writing it here to let it all go. I mean honestly after everything I've been through. Obviously the labour was horrid knowing my baby was dead and since leaving the hospital its been nothing but disappointment. When I left the hospital it was one of the hardest things I will ever do and I will regret it for the rest of my life. It hurt soo much to be with him but knowing what's happened since I know now I should of stayed longer and spent more time with him. I had my baby on 14th January and I still don't have his ashes back home with me.

Honestly I kinda feel like I was left to my own devices and unless I messaged them they wouldn't check up on me. You'd think like a support worker they would have certain people to deal with set amount of people so no one is left out etc. The community midwives were brilliant but can only stay if I have complications which I totally get. I have been left always chasing things up. Obviously my baby had to have a post mortem and they said he should be back after 3 weeks and they would give me details of cause of death but I haven't received anything. So I kept asking what was going on and finally got the news that we could have his funeral on the 10th march. I didn't know what to do and lead a hectic life so asked the Chaplin to help me. Yet I wasn't informed on what she was going to do or asked what was ok and what wasn't. So as the day got nearer I obviously became more stressed and anxious because I didn't actually want to say goodbye. So I held it all together because I knew that would be my day to finally let it all go.

So I did what I could to get childcare sorted for kids because it was an early and everything else to do with family. Anyway a day before my mom told me she couldn't come because of her legs which I can kinda understand because it was cold but when will she ever get chance to say goodbye to her grandson again, sorry but I feel that's abit selfish in my eyes, even if I'd had to have an operation I would of been there no matter what. Anyway the weather started getting bad etc and I started to worry because when we have snow everything here is at a standstill. So anyway the day comes and even though the weather was bad my dad still wanted to come etc. There were so many phone calls it was unreal. Anyway my Chaplin spoke to me on the phone and said she was going to rearrange his funeral due to the weather so I told everyone it was cancelled for them to call me an hour later about half an hour before his funeral saying it was still going ahead. At this point I was in the middle of asda shopping with my 2 daughters and I just broke down because I felt let down and honestly I hit breaking point with it all.

So at this point I knew I had to get home but couldn't just leave my essential items. Honestly this day will stuck in my head forever I was robbed of the chance to actually grieve and say a proper goodbye to my baby boy. I am and was beyond heartbroken. So I spoke to the Chaplin and she said I will video call you which because i had bad news about my brother I was so overwhelmed she said she would video it and to this day I can't watch it. So anyway since I gave birth to my son I kept asking for counselling on that situation because something like that sticks in your head and you need psychological help. Anyway I was told that I would be referred after his funeral and yet I'm still waiting to hear back off them. So after that ordeal my Chaplin said we will do a service for him I will collect his ashes and do a service at home and I'm still waiting for that too.

I'm not blaming anyone and I know people get busy but I should at least know what's going on and last week I wad distraught trying to get through to people that were away on holiday. I didn't know where my baby's ashes were so tried calling the crematorium and the funeral directors to get no joy. Anyway I had a phone call saying his ashes were still at the crem and that I can go collect them when I want but have to call them first. Anyway I couldn't get them so I got told the funeral directors would collect them but I need to sign a form which I did. That was last Tuesday and I still haven't got him back where he belongs. I'm beyond knowing what to do anymore and it's pushing me further over the edge. I just really need some support right now and guess what as usual there's no one here. Anyway I just needed to release all that hurt, distress and all the emotions of guilt and anger out back into the world because I just can't cope with it anymore.

#babyloss #grieving