#autism pathology

[autball]

A child is having outbursts at school, or at home, or wherever else, on a pretty regular basis. And at some point, someone suggests that they need to learn better coping skills.

They suggest therapy, or maybe there’s even a special program at school. Because yes, better coping skills/self-regulation skills/frustration tolerance really would solve everything, wouldn’t it?

Well those are fine skills to have, to be sure, but more often than not, it’s not what that child (or adult) needs most. What they really need is someone to figure out what’s stressing them out so much and then do something about THAT.

Because it’s not actually weird to be distressed over distressing things. Maybe *you* don’t understand what’s so distressing about school or the grocery store or that new person in the house, but that doesn’t mean *their* distress isn’t legit.

People reeaalllly like to suggest better coping skills for autistic, ADHD, and otherwise ND folks. (Since we already have a diagnosis, it’s that much easier to locate the problem in US.) And what they’re really saying with this an awful lot of the time is, “Can you please stop being so distressed by distressing things because it’s making a lot of work for us and we’re not about to change anything for you.”

So before you put someone in some sort of therapy that will teach them that they’re wrong to be upset about the things that upset them and how to get better at pretending to be okay, maybe consider that you might be expecting them to “cope” with more than they can reasonably be expected to.

#autism #autistic #actually autistic #autistic problems #autistic experiences #adhd #audhd #pda autism #pathological demand avoidance #neurodivergence #coping skills

[cancerstanople]

What to do if you have a demand you desperately need to fulfill and you can't:

Make up a shitty little character in your head to give you the exact opposite demand, so you can avoid THAT demand while getting done what you need to get done. "Do not brush your teeth." Fuck you Janet, I'm gonna do what I want.

Make up a story that would reframe the task at hand as an act of rebellion or spite. "I live in a world where showering is illegal and if I get caught I'm going to jail for a thousand years."

Use that task to procrastinate on other tasks. "I've got homework I really need to do...hey I haven't done my laundry in a while."

#pathological demand avoidance #autism #pda autism #neurodivergent #adhd #actually autistic #neurodiversity #executive dysfunction

[ditzydoodiary]

i feel really bad for saying this, but something i struggle with regarding my autism is trying to sound interested in other people's interests. i try so hard to seem interested because i know that feeling of being ignored when infodumping about your interests, but also, my own interests are so restricted that i cant get into/seem interested in anyone elses interests.

i cant get into things people recommend me, at all, no matter how hard i actually want to because it just feels like a demand. i also cant get into anything else even if i myself really want to get into it. especially if someone else's interests involve anything with real humans. cant watch anything thats live action, it needs to be animated and usually has to involve animals in some way.

#autism #actually autistic #adhd #level 2 autism #mid support needs #pda #pathological demand avoidance #pda autism #special needs #disabled

[sneez]

conrad veidt would make a great tragedian i think

#pathologic #conrad veidt #artwork #scopophobia #id in alt text #if any of you actually benefit from IDs id be very grateful to know if you prefer them in the alt text or in the post body! #anyway :D HIM #this is caligari-era connie obviously. i was saying this the other day but later connie would be a great saburov i think #i cant decide if i prefer the idea of him playing every tragedian or him being a very obviously incongruous tragedian who has just painted #his face to look like a mask and is hoping nobody will notice #also please ignore that the lighting doesnt make sense on the second one i used reference images lit from two different angles and didnt #notice until i had rendered it out because i always flip my canvas so often and im too lazy to fix it #anyway (part 2) i am still on my conrad veidt autism explosion and i am having a great time. i am having so much fun. i love he #i hope you are all well too my friends! term just finished for me so i am back hoam :D yaaay

[autism-affirmations]

#autism #autistic #actually autistic #autism memes #affirmations #autism affirmation #audhd #pda autism #pda #pda profile #pathological demand avoidance #persistent drive for autonomy

[thatadhdmood]

Working with Autism PDA (pathologic demand avoidance) by "strewing" (setting up an activity that u want to do for your later self even thought PDA wont do it right now)

Doing this removes barriers from doing the activity for later when the stress and pressure to do it has released without executive dysfunction of setting up the activity

#lmao no wait ive been strewing my bong when i fill the bowl and leave it for half an hour on the shelf before my toke LMAO #thatadhdmood #autism #actually autism #actually autistic #autistic adult #autism PDA #autism tiktok #PDA #pathologic demand avoidance #autistic artist #autism tips #executive dysfunction #adhd #neurospicy #neurodivergent #neurodivergent community

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

What is PDA?

Mrs Speechie P

#autism #actually autistic #autism awareness month #autism acceptence month #autism & PDA #pathological demand avoidance #neurodiversity #actually neurodivergent #feel free to share/reblog #Mrs Speechie P (Facebook)

[autisticdreamdrop]

fr PDA is tough

#our memes #meme #memes #pda #pathological demand avoidance #autism #autistic #asd #actually autism #actually autistic #autie #autism spectrum disorder #autism meme #autistic meme #autism memes #autistic memes

[ohara-n-brown]

Saying 'You're not lazy if you want to do the thing. Choosing not to do it because you don't want to it's laziness-'

Still throws Autistic people with Pathological Demand Avoidance under the bus

Executive Dysfunction is not the end all be all and you are not better than others for 'wanting to do' the thing but being unable to.

There are many autistic people that find themselves unable to do something once their minds has decided that it's being forced to do an action.

Saying that if you don't want to do your homework or the chores or the laundry - then you are lazy - DOESN'T HELP

It's not that I want to shower but I can't get up. It's that I DON'T want to shower because I feel like I HAVE to or else I'll be ridiculed for not doing it.

It's something that helps me, but knowing I HAVE to do it today, and tomorrow, and the day after that, on end with no choice of my own - makes me genuinely want to avoid the act.

'if you were lazy you would be having fun' - that implies that if we ignore a challenging task we don't want to do in order to do something self soothing and fruitful we are lazy.

That it's a moral failing instead of a sign the person needs help starting, or motivating themselves, or understanding the task.

Of course if something is hard, or confusing, and time consuming - someone won't want to do it. ESPECIALLY if they're disabled.

Calling them lazy for that isn't okay. You're just throwing other disabled people under the bus.

You and your executive dysfunction are no better just because you 'want' to do the laundry but can't.

Or that you're not lazy but we are because you really really wish you could wash the dishes meanwhile I really really wish I could throw myself down a hole rather than complying with a forceful demand - no matter how small. Including someone asking me to wash the dishes.

We still have do those things just like people without PDA.

The only difference is we're still called lazy at every turn despite the fact that every demand feels like being held at gunpoint with no choice.

Just because you want to something doesn't make you 'not lazy'.

Laziness DOESN'T EXIST.

If you have PDA, and find it hard to do ANYTHING you don't want to do - I love you. You are not lazy. You're trying your best. Keep going.

CAN WE STOP WITH THE LAZY STUFF NOW

#it's so disheartening to this everywhere #you're only lazy if- #neurodivergent #actually autistic #audhd #autism #bpd #neurodivergency #neurodiversity #actually adhd #actually audhd #actually autism #gosh #pathological demand avoidance #autistic #disability #neurodivergence #neurodiverse

[ilmarisart]

their special interest is building fucked up structures

#back with the low effort shitposts lol #did i draw this to help myself calm down? maybe #pathologic #peter stamatin #andrey stamatin #it's them #the autism twins #the #stamatwins #shitpost

[quaelgeist333]

Bitches will go and create and discover gods in their plight and end up destroying themselves in multiple ways including being destroyed by the person they created as the philosophical nature of their actions and creations tear at them instead of going to therapy

#slay the princess #Stp #the stanley parable #tsp #fear and hunger #Fear and hunger termina #the stanley parable ultra deluxe #xens dark humor sitcom life #is that tag suitable? #also pathologic probably #ib game #Ask me about that one if you want to see autism in action

[autball]

Contrary to popular belief, “hating praise” is not just a PDA thing. There are many reasons it could not sit right with someone.

It’s also assumed that people like this just hate all praise, but that’s not true either. What we hate is feeling manipulated, or lied to, or monitored, etc.

I mean, do you realize how much adults are encouraged to use praise to manipulate kids and people in care?? We’re supposed to use it to get more of the behaviors we like, and to promote a “growth mindset,” and to encourage them to stick with activities we think are good for them, and so on and so on.

That’s so much trying to get people to do what we want them to do! Is it really any wonder that praise could end up feeling disingenuous and manipulative after a while? How often are we just genuinely appreciating something they’ve done or who they are as a person, and how are they to know the difference?

If you have someone in your life who reacts badly when you praise them, maybe take a look at your motivations or the way you’re doing it instead of assuming they are the one with the problem. Maybe there’s something like low self esteem or rejection sensitivity skewing their perception, or maybe their perception is just fine and they’re picking up on your ulterior motives (and they don’t appreciate it!).

And please know that you don’t have to withdraw all praise. Everyone wants to feel like they’re good at *something* and that people like what they do. Just wait until it’s wanted, and make sure it’s genuine, with no expectations attached.

#autism #autistic #actually autistic #adhd #audhd #pathological demand avoidance #pda autism #oppositional defiant disorder #autistic experiences #autistic feels #autistic problems

[aibidil]

I think every parent of a neurodivergent kid learns VERY quickly (likely before they know their kid is neurodivergent) that the hardest part of the parenting gig is unlearning our assumptions about what is "acceptable" or "non-negotiable" behavior. If you have a toddler who won't do x, it doesn't matter how much bystanders or your parents say, "Well that's simply not acceptable." It doesn't matter if it's "acceptable" or not—because if you have a kid like that, you know you can't control another human in that way.

So this isn't a new revelation. But recently we've realized that my 10yo has a PDA profile (pathological demand avoidance/pervasive drive for autonomy—if you want to learn about it, look up Harry Thompson on the socials), which means that perceived demands cause him to enter a place of fight/flight response. I can't tell you the number of times he had a rage meltdown, injured me, trashed his room, etc. Because of this, we figured out (trial and error) how to interact with him starting when he was a toddler, so again, nothing earth-shattering with this new diagnosis, just an actual framework to understand him that finally encompasses all his (often confusing) quirks. What's interesting about pda is that the solution is basically to treat the person...like a person. It's a neurotype that INSISTS on being treated as capable and autonomous (what most people would think of as "treated like an adult", as if kids aren't entitled to autonomy).

What's really incredible is how, when this is all understood and supported, it doesn't have to cause him a lot of problems in day-to-day life. He's been supported and taken seriously for years, and now that he has words for it, he's even more comfortable in his skin.

Last week, we were both not in top form one day and I asked him to put his backpack away. (A demand! How dare I?! After he'd had a hard day of demands at school?!) and he literally threw it across the room, said something mean, and stormed off. (At which point I realized belatedly what was going on and dropped the issue completely so he could ctfd.)

Yesterday, in contrast: he had a bad day at school and I listened, then let him go and bury himself in YouTube for awhile. As I was starting to make dinner, he came and asked if he could help because he was hungry. (Note: no demand was made of him!) I said sure and we cooked together. When the food was ready, he said, "Can I eat alone today? I had a hard day."

Now, my upbringing (and my partner's) was one of The Sacred Family Dinner. The family eats together always. Why? Because that's what we do. No one would ever dare question it! This assumption that family dinner is inviolable lives deep in my soul. If I had said this to my parents (and I wouldn't have—it would've been unthinkable), I would've been dismissed out of hand. They would've scoffed and said something about how I had to do what our family does.

But because I'm not new here, I pushed all that away and said, "Alright. Thanks for helping me cook."

And he goes, "No problem. Thanks for understanding."

🥲😊😭🥲

Beautiful things happen when you let go of limiting neurotypical heteropatriarchal culturoinstitutional norms and narratives. Doing that requires leaps of faith. Leap after leap of faith. Scary leaps that challenge all your insecurities. Leaping every time your brain or another person says, "Well how will they ever learn to do x if you—” No. Leap.

It's worth the leaps.

#parenting #the work of parenting is unlearning #neurodivergence #autism #adhd #pathological demand avoidance #pervasive drive for autonomy

[moonlit-positivity]

Please stop pathologizing yourself. You're a human being at the end of the day. Getting so hung up over how you handle your symptoms & whether or not you're "right" or "wrong" to act that way? This only induces more shame, guilt, humiliation, and fosters more resentment for your inner self talk.

There is so much talk in recovery spaces about how to be this perfect idealistic vision of health at every possible stage. But that is not realistic at all. People have trauma. People have mental breakdowns. People have anger and rage and people have to live and go through things before you ever really know what to do with some of this stuff, how to handle it, etc.

At the end of the day, finding solace in your diagnosis can be cathartic, of course. But if you're dragging yourself through the mud because of what you've been handed in life and not knowing how to carry that like the Mona Lisa? Thats causing you more harm & distress than you'd think. Your diagnosis can be helpful for clarifying what's going on up there in the spicy brain noodle shop, but to be completely honest that's about it.

Why?

Well, because you're still you. You're still a human through and through. No matter what you've done on this earth, no matter what you were born with, no matter what you've been through- you deserve to rest easy knowing you're doing the best with what life has given you to work with.

So long as you're not trying to hurt anyone? Or if you're trying to be a little bit better than you were yesterday?

There is no need to further drag yourself down because the spicy brain demons don't dance the way society wants them to.

You don't deserve to suffer for the way society frames this shit. That is one of the best things you can learn how to do, is break free from the constant need to pathologize yourself at every nick and turn. Sometimes you just do stuff because you want to, because you like it, because it's helpful and beneficial to how you live. You don't need to put yourself in a straight jacket for that.

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #boundaries #healing #mental health discussion #adhd #autism #stigma #npd #bpd #pathologization #self esteem #self love #self care #mental health discourse #cluster b pds #self diagnosis #neurodivergent #neurospicy

[ditzydoodiary]

trying so hard to not have meltdown right now

my mum KNOWS direct instructions stress me out. she knows about my PDA. so why does she get so surprised when i cant do something that she asks me to. so angry and upset. want to cry and stamp feet but cant

growing up undiagnosed PDA autism traumatised me. it traumatised me so badly. being treated as if im bad kid cuz i can't follow expectations, demands, instructions etc. not a bad kid. im really not. why cant i just do this like every other kid. taking a shower shouldn't be so hard

#autism #actually autistic #pathological demand avoidance #pda #pda autism #disabled #adhd #level 2 autism #mid support needs #special needs

[autism-affirmations]

if i am given one more Task i will scream

#autism #autistic #actually autistic #autism memes #affirmations #autism affirmation #audhd #pda #pda autism #pathological demand avoidance #persistent drive for autonomy