#as they might experiences it different

[inkskinned]

crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.

i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.

in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.

i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.

i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.

plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.

the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.

we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.

i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.

a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.

today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.

loved beyond thinking.

#spilled ink #writeblr #personal #please don't ask me to talk on my experience on the spectrum lol. i hate how ppl talk to me about it #i really try not to write so specifically about it #bc inevitably someone talks to me like im a child #i think this is the first time i've ever openly identified with it but i've been hinting for years #i might delete this. feels big. #the thing is that being on the spectrum actually IS a spectrum #and if u say ur autistic #inevitably someone makes an assumption about ur needs/symptoms #please do not treat me differently than u usually would. like.... we can tell when you do #and like i mention. i do appreciate the effort. i do truly appreciate the effort. #but it still feels like... #when i was blind. sometimes people kind of did the same-ish thing. #they'd find out i was blind and start talking really loudly? #and while i KNOW they're just trying to help. it would be like. i'd be trying to find #the right way into a building (sometimes only 1 door is unlocked and i couldn't see the signs posted about where to go) #and ppl would be like ''OH UR BLIND? YES SO THIS IS A DOOR. IT OPENS INTO THE BUILDING. IT IS LOCKED NOW." #''A DOOR CAN BE FOUND IN MANY LOCATIONS.'' #and it feels like. when i admit to being autistic #someone comes screeching into my life being like THIS IS A DOOR.

[itseghost]

some essek portrait doodles :] still figuring him out but i do love 2 draw him

#essek theyless #the mighty nein #critical role #critical role fanart #critrole #cr2 #m9 #i wanna experiment a little more w him still bc i cant settle on a face #or a skin tone? i feel like i always make him more purple than i want. i think more a dark greyish indigo would suit him #yknow. he might just be a character i draw different every time. im okay with that #i do like the idea of him with these very styled waves though #at least until he starts to unwind around the nein a bit #itseart

[ruporas]

feast (ID in alt)

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #tw blood #im posting this so late because october escaped me Suddenly.. hello.... #i wanted to make it a photoset with this other vampire vw wip but i don't think i'm finishing it any time soon and the mood of it is #completely different anyway. also i don't think i ever shared anything about my vampire au on here !!! it's all old art by now so im shy lo #but maybe i'll do a photodump of it. long story short vash is a vampire since birth and ww is a human vampire hunter that turns during thei #travels together due to EoM experiments + getting vash to drink from him at some point. #humans turn once they get bitten but bc ww has been experimented on #& got bitten by a bunch of human turned vampires thruout his hunts he thought it wouldn't be a problem for vash to drink from him but alas. #theyre both ok though theyre traveling together definitely not hating themselves for what theyve become and feeling guilty for what theyve #done to each other. theyre completely normal about it. the biting part is really appealing to me in vampire aus so i draw it a lot but #in reality vash only drank from ww once and ww mightve done it twice under the realization he might actually die otherwise #since he wont drink from humans after being turned.... he's combatting the 5 stages of grief at all times #if this is all nonsense im sorry DMGKSDF I'M NOT good at explaining and this au came from nowhere in the depths of my mind its a mess #ruporas art

[iguanodont]

Dense, dark, and pleasantly cool in the muggy heat of early summer, glass thickets are a type of forested environment found in the wetter climates of birgworld. So called because the trunks of the “trees” are given structure by a honeycomb lattice of silica spicules, whose bleached branches glitter like fine sand in the afternoon sun. The canopy forms a dense, protective mat overhead, sheltering all manner of creatures from the outside elements, including this lonely Puyok forager. They tread cautiously, alert to their surroundings. The air hums with the peeps, clicks, and trills of hundreds of unseen creatures; it would be easy to miss rustle of unseen footsteps, just as the gloom of the forest masks even large creatures from view…

—————

Buy me a kofi

#once again experimenting with a completely different artstyle #I like how this turned out though I might do more #birgworld #speculative biology

[riyo-soka]

Of course Crosshair agreed to help with Omega’s plan to find Tantiss by surrendering herself: He’s seen her escape the empire when the odds are stacked so heavily against her before. Of course Hunter couldn’t be there when her plan failed: he’d never be willing to let Omega put herself in danger when he’s lost her that way once already.

#the bad batch #tbb spoilers #neither is wrong per se they just have different experiences that shape how they would approach the same threat #Crosshair’s having his ‘Hunter in the s2 finale’ moment #Hunter… Hunter’s already a shell of himself this might be his Joel Miller inciting incident #tbb omega #tbb crosshair #tbb hunter #hunter and omega #omega and crosshair

[hydrodragons]

furina de fontaine ✧ character demo: all the world's a stage

#genshin impact #genshinedit #genshinimpactedit #genshinet #furina #mine* #furina* #im experimenting with different gif sizes..... idk if there's a difference LOL #might have to play around with my sharpening probably

[princeyam]

finally posting my piece for @sheikzine ⭐️ i drew sheik from retro studios canceled sheik game!

#the legend of zelda #zelda #loz #sheik #ocarina of time #retro studios #sheik zine #honestly i was starting to type out a long sappy post about my experience with the zine but ill save that for the donation post #btw we are so sorry that its been so long and we havent posted it ajchjshdjsndjjddm #we literally donated the money in jan #there were a few factors that just prevented us from completing the donation post... but it should be up in a few days #were aiming for sheik day! since were already late might as well do it on his day #anyway about the actual drawing #ngl there are some things i wouldve done differently now #but im still quite happy with it!! #kellen and i both did canceled sheik pieces so you should check his out too #ALSO... if yall are still reading #im going to be opening comms soon! #i literally did up a comm sheet today #finally after so many years im opening comms... i hope youll support me!

[purpleshadow-star]

Imagine if Nico could learn to control when he turns into shadows.

Like, in The Blood of Olympus Nico would start fading after shadow traveling too much, and sometimes Reyna and Coach Hedge wouldn't be able to touch him, and one time he even accidentally walked through a tree. Imagine if he learned to control that intangibility.

Imagine if he could just turn parts of his body into shadows. Imagine if, in a fight, someone swings at him, and he knows he can't dodge in time, so he turns into shadows for a second so the weapon goes right through him, and while his enemy is confused he uses the distraction to land the final blow.

Imagine if he could just walk/reach through walls and doors and stuff.

I just think that, for someone with the title of ghost king (and as a child of the Underworld), he deserves more ghost-like powers.

#i might write a fic about this 🤔 #we'll see #i just think itd be so cool #he would be the best at a haunted house #and it would be so useful in fights #maybe now that he's taking better care of himself post tsats he'll have enough energy to not get so tired after using his powers #so itll be safer to start experimenting with smth like this #tbh i think nico has the best potential power-wise bc the underworld is so vast so he could potentially have a lot of different abilities #hazel too tbh #like we've seen that nico can control the earth/rocks so i bet hazel has some contol over the dead and she just hasnt really tried yet #but im getting off topic lol #point is i think nico should have the ability to basically become a ghost at will (but not in the dying way) #nico di angelo #riordanverse #rick riordan #heros of olympus #pjo hoo toa

[stinkythehutt]

also. something about palpatine being so adept at seeing into the future that all of his successes feel completely joyless by the time he achieves them because he’s just going through the motions… how fucked up and nihilistic and brutal that would make you…

#teddy talks #anakin is like the opposite of this bc he’s tortured by his future failures #so he lives in constant terror and denial #whereas palpatine is lowkey tortured in a different way though he’d never ever label it as such #but the boredom of it all. the inescapability… #in a sense of course you would long for ultimate power over the force. because you would feel so much just like a meaningless vehicle #of its will otherwise #and anakin would be a PERFECT toy for someone like that. because he is so bewildered. he’s easy to tangle up in knots #i’m just doing some character Thinking #but yeah. of course one in palpatines position might hate the force and feel a need to lash out and dominate it #and he manages his own repressed bewilderment by manufacturing it in anakin to an extreme degree #but. importantly. while also having complete control over the machinations of anakin’s experience #and by crushing the force and all knowledge of it #CHRIST i’m back sorry but all the stuff he does to extend his life. he obviously is terrified of death #and rather than face it he just creates My Apprentice: The Guy Super Fucked Up About People Dying #to punish somebody else for his own horror…. it’s giving projective identification. not to bring freud into this

[jeweled-blue-eyes]

In HtN Ianthe claims she helped Coronabeth pretend to be a necromancer for over twenty years but she's twenty-two, which must mean she did necromancy since she was one year old contradicting herself in GtN when she reveals she's been doing Coronabeth's work since she was six years old. Did Ianthe lie? Or did the author make a mistake? Or is this hinting that something deeper is going on?

#the locked tomb #tlt #ianthe tridentarius #coronabeth tridentarius #still haven't read Ntn #you can spoiler me #harrow the ninth #gideon the ninth #I find a one year old comprehending that she would be separated from her sister unless they deceived everyone with her powers unrealistic #but if the theory that Ianthe and Coronabeth are experiments of their parents proved to be true #then it might be possible they created a scarily intelligent toddler with flesh magic #or Ianthe counting her age differently because of this #I'm probably overthinking this though

[angryducktimemachine]

I think what I personally really enjoy about AroAce Rudyard is that I know, in my heart, that he would not ONCE spend a single thought thinking he was broken. This man is fully convinced everyone else is just being unnecessarily weird, which really resonates with me, who also spend like 22 years of his life not even considering the possibility that there's something "wrong" with me and that everyone else is simply a little overdramatic over love and sex.

#i know it's a different experience for everyone but besides like one or two little 'oh god this will affect my adult life' realizations that #i only had once i REALIZED i was aro and even then that was less a 'this is problem with me' and more a 'this is a problem because of other #people's expectations #anyway Rudyard Funn i love you sgdhsgshdh #love looses #rudyard funn #wooden overcoats #i think if like Georgie tried to explain being aro or ace to him he'd dismiss it too #he'd be like that's ridiculous georgie #he might think about it some more later tho #who knows #younger me thought he was simply a better person for not being silly about love and sex like #and that's very Rudyard #(and i have since grown and realized that I'm not a better person I'm just aroace)

[inkskinned]

you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.

you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.

instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.

you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.

your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.

because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.

so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.

all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.

#spilled ink #woke up at 530 to write this lmafo #me in a cold sweat: #how do i be normal #edit in the tags: #hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate #like if this is about X specific diagnosis #and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition'' #because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc #and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition #but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis #because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons #why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are. #that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person #.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that #it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself #palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with.... #this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate #would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them #bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume #that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now #we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal'' #[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into] #but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be'' #and im like ... of course it was about you. #art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation . #you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you. #there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this #regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it #and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.

[sunnfish]

[ID: A digital illustration of Sissel from Ghost Trick. He is shown from a lower angle, as if the viewer were looking up at him. He has a hand close to the viewer and clutching a glowing soul core. His other hand is in his pocket, and he has a serious expression on his face. The background is the clock that appears when you time travel in the game, consisting of a glowing red clock face and glowing red lines radiating from it on a black background. The art style mimics that of the game’s, with sharp black lines and shading. The color palette is mostly red, with some light blue radiating from the soul. The artist’s signature “sunnfish 2023” is written on his leg. /End ID]

Change your fate.

#ignore me drawing in a thousand different styles lately. #i simply do what the brain images tell me #anyways. hiiiiiii play ghost trick. now #sunnfish.pdf #my art #also if you havent played the game dont read the tags from now on. im warning you #blah #blah blah blah #ghost trick #dont read further #blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah #blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #spoilers be here #not super bad but I think it’d ruin your experience #okay not ruin. but it might ruin the twist a little. there should be a less extreme word for ruin #final warning #sissel #yomiel #hell of a time writing the description. not sure of the etiquette of spoilery character names #blocking off the end now just in case. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah #blah blah blah blah blah blah #blah blah blah blah blah #blah blah #lalallal la la la la dee da la la lalala #sorry I’m really cautious .. I simply think the blind experience was so good and I don’t wanna risk anything yknow #okay bye. peace and love on planet ghost trick #ghost trick phantom detective

[aroaceleovaldez]

they girlbossed Sally Jackson

#pjo #pjo tv #riordanverse #sally jackson #this shall be my non-spoiler only review of the show so far #just watched the first two episodes - they were good! #i might make a post about Percy's char so far cause i am very pleasantly surprised so far with the adhd experience vibes #my compliments to the writing team for the good good disabled character rep in this script #very pleased with almost all the characters and plot so far #my only one i'm iffy on is Sally as mentioned ^ they girlbossed her #like. book sally is most defined by her kindness and perseverance. this sally is just kind of. tough. she's tough. girlboss. #which is not necessarily a bad thing? she's still a fine character she's just different #also only semi-spoiler in my review: Chris is there! Love that Chris is there #he's just there! but i am a rogue demigod enjoyer #so his presence alone is appreciated

[tangledinink]

oh my gosh what if in a crossover with cass apocalyptic series casey jr somehow figures out he and the swnau bros are in a similar situation and they can all bond over isdhfgskdjhfasgd

they're gonna be besties <3

#hehehehe #i think their experiences might be a little different #but i still like the idea of them being secret turtle pals #asks #anon #sorrywhatnowau #crossover #tmnt #rottmnt #cass apocalyptic series #fidgetwing

[jojo-schmo]

Just Admit It- Part 1

I've been playing around with possible friendship dynamics of the Beast Council for fun!! I love imagining what kind of childhood they could have in the Forgotten Land all together.

What if Carol and Sillydillo are the fun-loving extroverts? Leon is the introverted one who's been smitten by Carol for a really really long time but he's too shy about it? And Gori is the friend who is an excellent observer and will bluntly tell you what he thinks (and maybe has a tendency to get grumpy when things aren't easily going his way).

Somewhat of a prequel to this other doodle comic about Leon and Carol- everyone here is still a kid ^_^

Part 2

#I know beast pack headcanons are so wildly up to interpretation! there's a few canon personality traits and lots of space to fill in betwee #I also just love stories about a group of lifelong friends all doing their best! #so why not play around with them and see what kind of stories about love and friendship they might experience? heehee. #and not all of them are about just Leon and Carol I have other plans!! this is just one of the first ones I have :P #these are quick and very self indulgent but I hope they can still be enjoyable hehe #friend squads for the win!! #also I feel like I draw the beast council a little differently every time I try lol. I'm getting used to them okay they are all so so shape #you should see the first drawings I ever tried to do of them. they are a little rough xD #I'm starting to understand why there's not a TON of content for them. Pretty much everyone except Carol are BUILT DIFFERENT #LEONGAR. WHY is your body and head proportioned like that?! you made me make up my own rules for drawing you!! #sillydillo and your funny little snout! I learned so much studying you! and I have so much work to do with all of you adjakflja #but I guess that's the definition of developing personal art styles huh? #so I guess these funny little stories have the added benefit of getting me more comfortable with the beasts! #ANYWAY that concludes this round of Jojo's director's commentary. like and subscribe #beast pack #clawroline #leongar #sillydillo #gorimondo #beast council #Kirby and the forgotten land #Kirby series #art #caroleon #???? #sHOOT I still don't know the ship name I can't commit to one someone please tell me what it is I don't want to make one up ahh #ask me to tag it and I will happily do so sdjakfljdsla