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lady-star-strings · 3 years

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About Dream’s Tweets...

To begin with, I’m demisexual and have been part of the community for years - I think I have pretty good credence to speak on this matter. I try not to throw my two cents into situations like this because I can’t stand the ignorant responses of the internet anymore at my age - DeviantArt Dark Ages vet right here - but sometimes I just have to. Whether you agree or not, I could honestly care less, but I would appreciate it if you read everything and gave it some thought before responding, be it positive or negative. With that said, let’s dive in...

At this point, if people are taking the shipping/fanservice jokes and banter between the Dream Team and other creators surrounding them seriously, I don't know what to tell them or really even say, honestly. They've all stated they're not looking to start relationships with each other - multiple times and on-stream/Twitter, might I add, because people keep donating and asking/demanding an answer to both that and about their sexualities - and that it's just messing around with friends. (If we want to talk about making people uncomfortable and being offensive in that regard, don’t you worry because I've got opinions on that too.) Bottom line is, you can't get mad at them for the fan-service now when you supported it before, especially when nothing has changed and they’ve been transparent about how everything actually is.

I understand that some may feel it’s an insensitive and inappropriate thing to do in some regards, and that's perfectly valid, but please don't go mobbing through the town with pitchforks over literal jokes between friends. Keep in mind, they’ve made it clear that’s all it was before people starting jumping down their throats, and still there are groups using their sexuality to attack them over it because "YoU'rE nOt MlM sO yOu CaN't MaKe ThOsE jOkEs, YoU'rE hOmOpHoBiC!!!!!" They're even openly attacking lesbians and bisexuals - whether they agree with them or not - because they're not gay and that somehow renders their words “invalid.” You can't accuse them of being ignorant for messing around as friends because it entertains the fans, and then turn around to attack literally the entire rest of the community for offering their opinions because they aren't valid enough for you in the argument to count - that makes you ignorant. You also can’t claim to be of the opinion that everyone’s sexuality is their own business, but then demand for them not to be ambiguous about it when it pleases you. Honestly, even thinking about people doing that is so incredibly hypocritical that it gives me whiplash.

I completely understand not everyone is a fan of this behavior, but to accuse them of queerbaiting, being homophobic and faking allyship over it all right now is just ridiculous and borderline disgusting to me. They've made it clear they're not romantically interested in one another countless times and that it's just fun between friends because they're super close - they aren't playing the "Am I, or am I not?" game with anyone for gain so no, they're not queerbaiting. Queerbaiting is when it’s not explicitly said at any point whether someone is or isn’t LGBTQIA+ so they can play both the community and conservative side by putting them in ambiguous situations that can lean one way or the other for gain, whether it be monetary or otherwise. Not to mention, if they were really as “homophobic” and “falsely allied” as everyone thinks, why would other LGBTQIA+ creators such as Antfrost, Eret, Scott Major, etc. not only support them, but also consider them friends? Again, I get the offense and hurt people might have taken from this behavior, but your opinions and feelings are ultimately not universal so while they are all valid, that doesn't make them right and the final say on the matter. I don’t mean this to say you’re wrong or inferior in the argument, just that you can’t demand others to see your point of view and abide by it without granting them the same respect. The road goes both ways kiddos, I’m sorry.

Side note, there's no one to blame but the fans themselves for the jokes and whatnot to have continued on this long because they not only supported it, but also actively encouraged it. It’s been taken so seriously that Dream has outright stated on a stream - and now on Twitter - that he and George aren't together and more than likely never will be because they're honest to goodness just really good friends screwing around. Now if you think you're uncomfortable as part of the community, how do you think they feel being accused every five minutes of being against it because they won’t openly state their sexuality? Not to mention, they can't ever talk about actual relationships or joke about other ships because people will literally send death threats to whoever the other party is because they're "rUiNiNg ThE sHiP" at this point - need I remind you of the Septiplier fiasco? It’s alright if it’s a persona or a personality, but for the love of all things holy, please stop treating people like Barbie dolls that you’re trying to make kiss. They gave us the go-ahead to ship them because it makes us happy and allows us to be creative with the concept - don’t ruin it by trying to force them to play the parts you’ve constructed in your head and then get pissy because they won’t.

Also, it is unbelievably messed up for you to donate money to ask their sexuality and/or for them to tell each other that they love them - which then basically makes it a demand because if they ignore it they get blasted for not responding and “taking their money.” For example, Dream will say he loves any of his friends without issue because he does - just not in the way everyone is assuming or wants - and that's just the type of person he is, but George doesn't like to express it that way and that's okay. He shows his love in other ways that we don't always need to know about or see to make it real, just as it is with anyone else in the world. I don’t know how so many people miss it, but when he gets a donation to tell Dream - or anyone for that matter - he loves him on stream, you can easily tell how uncomfortable it makes him - and yes Dream presses/teases him about it sometimes, but he still drops it and doesn't flame him for it for eternity. Those that donate and chat, on the other hand, will not let it go when he doesn’t say it and continue to pour donations in begging him to say it when he’s already made it clear he won’t. You honestly shouldn't be bribing them to say or do anything through donation because that's beyond messed up and manipulative, especially where these matters are concerned.

And even if they weren't straight - which used to be the case and may have changed by this time, we can’t determine such things nor should we try to - or were in a relationship with each other, it isn't any of your goddamn business to know - no way, no how. What they do offline and out of the public eye isn't anyone's business but their own and people need to respect that, not try to force it out of them or play detective to dox that information for the attention. I mean, if you want a good reason as to why Dream hasn't done a face reveal yet, this is absolutely number one on the list because there will be little to no form of privacy for him after he does and he isn't ready to lose that just yet. I certainly can’t blame him for that considering all that’s been happening to him and his friends as of late, and neither can multiple other creators who hold the same beliefs and fears - ie. CorpseHusband, H20Delirious, Ohmwrecker. No one should have to tip-toe on eggshells in their personal life because fans online don't understand boundaries, that's just cruel and unfair after providing the content and comfort that they do without asking anything but support in return.

At the end of the day, I truly just don't understand how people can join in and support the jokes that they've made clear are purely just messing around, but then turn around and crucify them for the exact same thing later down the road. How can you practically harass them about their sexuality and relationship status through providing monetary means, then go on a witch hunt because they’ve decided to be more private with that information in the present? You can't play both sides and then expect to somehow be right or justified in the situation whichever way the tide turns because, at that point, the only wrong one is you. I completely agree that they need to watch their step with what they say and do sometimes - just as everyone with a strong platform does - but only more so now because people will create a problem the second they do anything that could spin into them being horrible people with too much power.

They’re all still incredibly fresh and new to the realm of social media popularity all things considered, and they reached said popularity startlingly fast so it can’t be easy to adjust to all the attention on everything you say and do. With that said, they’re doing remarkably well so far and I have faith that they’re going to continue to learn and grow in this arena given the time. They might mess up and make mistakes - already have, in fact - but that’s part of the gig and you can’t always please or satisfy everyone, so the best you can do is acknowledge your faults and move forward. You can’t demand someone’s head on a pike when they’ve made an effort to right things and it wasn’t good enough for everyone, it’s just not a fair standard to hold anyone to. In that same vein, you also can’t demand whatever you want out of them with the excuse that they owe it to you as a fan - you’re not a fan in any way, shape or form when you play that card, and you need to either shape up or ship out if you're doing that.

If you don't support it and/or don't like it, just don't follow or watch them anymore, it’s truly as simple as that. You can't continue to watch and support them as a “fan” while also touting how ignorant and horrible they are as detractors, that's just not how it works - pick one or the other and stop attacking them and those that don’t agree with you. They’re only on year one of their careers and the amount of people trying to “cancel” and tear them down over things that really aren't issues already is ridiculous, you aren't the righteous keyboard warriors you think you are and it's things like this that are ruining the internet for everyone, not just you.

That’s all I have to say on the matter and will continue to say going forward - sorry if you came here looking for my usual nonsense, but I really felt this needed to be said and addressed. I usually try not to do these sort of rants, however, this is a serious matter and a discussion that we as a community have been needing to have for a while, so now’s as good a time as any.

So, with my peace being given and my two cents thoroughly tossed, why don’t we focus on the bigger issues with YouTube such as their blatant ignorance of pedophilia and copyright abuse? Those seem like a much bigger problems to address at this point in time since that effects creators and fans as a whole - both in the present and the future - don’t you think?

#don't sleep won't sleep #sleep is for the living #rants with mady #dream team #dreamwastaken #georgenotfound #sapnap #dreamnotfound #tldr #the hypocrisy is SCORCHING rn #there are no pedestals to me #been there done that with other creators #ain't no one special in my eyes #this is just an explanation of another viewpoint #all replies welcome #sorry not sorry kiddos #LGBTQIA+

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blueluneacy · 4 years

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Your Thoughts on Pages

This is the second place fic! It ended up not having sex, but rather just sweet moments and rohan being... weird. Once I finish everything on my list, I might do a follow up to this!

Also on AO3!

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: pining, inappropriate use of stands, rohan majorly overstepping his boundaries, slight angst

“Kishibe, I really don’t understand why I needed to come all the way out here for this…” You sighed, putting your binder to the side as you allowed yourself to sit down for the tea that Rohan had insisted on. Rohan was a nice enough person, but after the time you had worked with him, you could tell that he was a fairly independent kind of writer. Other writers you edited for liked to be in contact with you, or asked for your opinion on this or that, but not Rohan. That’s not to say you didn’t have a good relationship with him, just a bizarre one. The two of you had a nice long chat when you first became his editor, and it became very clear that you were not to mess with any of his vision. No one ever dared to try and give Rohan ideas on what he should do, or try to tell him that what he was writing was not what was wanted for the magazine. You simply collected the pages once a week in a neat envelope, and you would scan it all in. It was a nice, neat and cordial relationship. You never had to get on Rohan’s case about deadlines or the content of his work, to the point where the two of you rarely communicated. It wasn’t like you disliked the man, it’s just that you had a bunch of other artists to hound about this or that, that Rohan ended up as a nonissue. He was ol’ reliable, someone you didn’t have to deal with, the dependable artist. Even if the world was falling apart, Rohan Kishibe got his pages in on time. You supposed that him calling you then should’ve made you worry, but you were too focused on the meetings you had to cancel in order to see him.

“Oh, come on now, it’s been a long while. I figured I better be kind to my guest. And er… Butter you up before I hand over bad news.” Rohan told you, the last part of his sentence making you freeze up. Oh god, was he quitting? Were his hands broken? Was it, dear god, carpal tunnel? A million scenarios ran through your hand as Rohan sat down across from you, but absolutely none of them were what was actually going on.

“Bad news? Alright, lay it out on me. No sugar coating, the more I know, the better I can fix it. I mean, that’s literally what I’m here for, right?” You tried your best not to be nervous, already mentally writing out all the emails needed to clear out your day for this. If Rohan had bad news, then it was bad for everyone. Dark Pink Boy was easily the reason why most people bought the magazine in the first place, and you weren’t sure how everyone would take a hit if Rohan had to take an extended leave. But, he just sighed, leaning in a little, looking you right in the eye.

“I’ve run out of inspiration. Nothing is working, it seems like there’s nowhere for me to go.” He sighed, and for a moment, you actually… Relaxed. Well, alright. Rohan was going through a rut, that’s all. Perfectly natural for someone working as hard as he was. And, probably more easily fixable than carpal tunnel. Probably.

“I… I see. Well, how do you feel? Have you tried going on walks or something, or just… Well, I don’t know. Maybe reading other people’s work?” You suggested, shrugging a bit. Alright, this you could actually work this. You worked with probably over a hundred artists at this point to help them through writer’s block, and you succeeded most of the time. Why would Rohan be any different? Well, you did forget one detail.

“Other people’s work?” You actually heard him scoff at the very notion. “Of course I wouldn’t do that. My characterization is based on my observations and knowledge of real people, in order to write highly realistic characterization. My writing just wouldn’t be the same if I stooped to actually reading other people’s work. It’s a cycle of tweaking that would lead to me creating garbage.” Ah, that’s why Rohan was so difficult to work with. He was a diva when it came to his work, and it was also why you never had bothered to comment on his work in the first place. You had heard that the previous editor had tried to make Rohan tone down some of the themes in Dark Pink Boy, and it ended up in a fierce battle that left the old editor actually retiring. You didn’t want the hassle, and the readers liked the work as it was. You could hassle to make something family friendly with a smaller mangaka, you weren’t about to offend what was for all intents and purposes, the company’s bread and butter. So you bit your tongue and nodded, trying to think of some sort of solution.

“I see, I see… Well, there are plenty of fans who I’m sure would die to even talk to you, let alone help. Why not set up a meeting with a few and have some questionnaires ready? Or are you concerned they might give false answers because of who you are?” You tried, but Rohan just sighed and nodded.

“You already picked up on my concern. I know that any fan I would go to would ultimately be starstruck. I’ve tried with a few already, but it just never worked out. They were… They just weren’t the type of people my fans would enjoy. But, luckily, I do have a solution to all this. That’s where you come in.” Rohan told you, scooting just a bit closer as you let out a sigh of relief. Oh thank god, you wouldn’t have to write all those emails after all. He just needed your help with something? Thank god, you could easily do a few tasks for him. Beats trying to psychologically get this man through some sort of writer’s rut.

“Really? What is it? Just let me know, and I promise to do the best that I can.” You gave a smile, nodding a bit. Rohan could see the tension in your shoulders relax a bit, causing him to smile a little. Rohan always enjoyed your company, but he knew the relationship the two of you shared as much as he did. It was best if an editor didn’t get in the way. You knew that, and he appreciated that. It was almost embarrassing to him that he had to turn to you like this, but he quickly shed any shame he had for it. I mean, you weren’t really going to help in any way that others hadn’t helped before. If anything, this was more allowed because you were meant to be his resource. It wasn’t like you could complain.

“Well, I know you don’t idolize me. If anything, you seem frantic to get away from me.” Rohan said, a bit teasing. You jumped in to try and defend yourself, only for Rohan to continue. “Don’t worry, I know you’re busy. But, it’s perfect. You’ll be a perfect base to jump off of. Genuine, no need to impress me, and doesn’t care about influencing the end of the story.” He told you. You just sighed and pulled out your phone, already typing out the emails to clear out the rest of your day. You knew Rohan was meticulous, so this was already going to take a while. Might as well give yourself the time now.

“Alright, ask away then. I just need to clear out my schedule so I don’t have to abandon ship on you. I think the rest of the day should be doable…” You replied, not noticing how Rohan had stood up, an eerie grin crossing his face.

“Oh, that should be more than enough. But I don’t think I’m going to be asking any questions…” You turned to look back at the man, only to find his hand hit your face, your body tumbling onto the floor. You tried to pull yourself up, only to find that you couldn’t move. You gasped, your form starting to tremble as your eyes darted to your cheek, noticing paper fluttering in what used to be the skin of your cheek.

“Kishibe, what is going on-” You spoke out, only for Rohan to climb on top of you, straddling your body. You gulped, already expecting the worst, only for his to take the paper into your hands and start to read.

“Hmm, interesting. Those are the names of your parents, and… Oh, I see, I see!” Rohan reached over to grab a pen and notepad, jotting down a few notes.

“W-What are you… What’s happening, why can’t I move? You’re scaring me, Kishibe..” You whimpered out, trying to find some sort of handle on your fear, leaving Rohan only to sigh.

“Of course you wouldn’t understand this. Don’t worry, I’m not going to hurt you. I just need some information, and the easiest way to get it is to read it right from you.” Rohan’s voice was cold and methodical, as if he were just telling you the ingredients of a cereal box. You tried to get a reign on your emotions, watching as Rohan read the papers from your face, writing down the information that he liked onto his notepad, before turning the page. He was interesting to watch like this. You imagined that this was probably the way that he was when he was working, his eyes intense and focused. It was a nice look for him, really. You supposed that you never really had the time to appreciate it, but Rohan really was quite pretty.

“You shouldn’t be thinking those things when it gets written down right before me.” Rohan pointed out, leaving you to sputter as your face turned red. If he was just bluffing, your face gave you away anyways.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about! S-Stop being weird!” You tried to bite back, but Rohan just smiled a bit, leaning in a bit to read aloud from the pages.

“‘Rohan’s eyes seem so focused right now, I never noticed how pretty they were. Do you think he uses his own face as a base reference, the lighting right now is actually pretty incredible. If we weren’t like this, I might actually-”

“Alright, that’s enough of that, I think you’ve read enough now!” You replied, starting to get a bit antsy. Was he just going to read everything you thought of him, because if so… Uh oh. Big uh oh.

Sure, you had gotten over it by now, but there was a major problem. Namely, how you felt about Rohan on a personal level. When you were only a junior editor, you had developed a minor crush on the man, falling head over heels at the first glance you had of him. Sure, you were probably over it now, but at the time, it was bad. You never really pursued it, after all, you were supposed to be working together, but this… This was about to get really embarrassing.

But your frantic nature regarding your own life story seemed to only egg Rohan on more, determined to read as many pages as he could. So, he flipped through, apparently skimming for his own name, before he finally landed on something. You could tell it was something juicy, reading before his smile seemed to fall and his eyes widened.

“I… I see. I didn’t know.” Rohan told you, leaning back for a moment and thinking. You averted your eyes, trying to come up with something to say in response. When you finally collected your thoughts and opened your mouth to say something though, Rohan just smiled, grabbing his pencil and instead moving to the page. “Well, we can always make adjustments here, just to see what would happen. Think of it as… Playing out a scenario.” Rohan replied, but as the pencil started to come closer to your face, you couldn’t help but snap.

“Rohan, you can’t just manipulate my emotions, it isn’t right!” You yelled, leaving Rohan to lean back, staring at you for a moment before crossing his arms, looking away as if pouting like a child.

“I thought you wanted to help me with my writing.” Oh, so he was pulling that card? You had had just about enough of whatever strange things were going on with Rohan for a lifetime, with him not even letting you process what was happening before jumping onto the next thing, working quickly and efficiently in a way that made your head spin. “You know… That was the first time you called me by my first time. I used to insist you did, but I eventually gave up. The first time was you yelling at me. Figures.” Rohan let out a bitter laugh, and you started to piece a few things together as he placed down his pencil, shaking his head a bit.

“W-Wait, Kishi-... Rohan. Just, pause for a minute. I think maybe we should… I don’t know, talk? About whatever the hell is going on right here and now?” You told him, only for Rohan to roll his eyes.

“If I tried to explain the concept of a stand to you, it would probably go over your head, and I’m not sure that it would even matter in the scheme of things, considering the-” Rohan started to go off, but you just stopped him, sighing a bit.

“Not about that. About… You. I can’t tell what’s going on in your head, and that hardly seems fair, since you know everything going on in mine. Tell me what’s going on. What’s really going on.” You tried to keep your voice cool and calm, looking over Rohan and even trying to smile just a bit. Rohan sighed, and looked at the ground, his nails digging into his palms.

“It’s stupid. I shouldn’t be thinking these things, feeling any of these things, I don’t know why they’re here and I can’t get rid of them. I shouldn’t have made you come all this way, I…” He drifted off, leaving you unsure of if he didn’t know what else to say or didn’t have the will to say it. Either way, it looked like it was up to you to save this situation. You took a deep breath, looking at Rohan intensely in hopes that it would make you look at least a little more serious.

“Rohan, make it so that I can move again, please.” Your voice was probably a little more demanding than you meant it to be, the please added more to make it seem like you were ordering him to do anything. Rohan froze up for a moment, before reaching in as closing the pages on your face. In an instant, it was like your entire body loosened up, and you looked at Rohan, just examining those eyes you found so beautiful. Rohan seemed so sheepish for his normal personality, starting to scoot off of you to give you a bit of space.

“I should let you go, I’m sure there’s some way I can get through all this. Maybe I’ll even try that reading idea of yours, if all else fails-” Oh, Rohan. You weren’t sure if he was trying to act more pathetic than he was feeling, or this was the truth, but you fell for it all the same. You sat up the best you could with him on top of you wrapping your arms around Rohan and pressing your lips against his. Was this impulsive and stupid? Oh, absolutely. But did Rohan’s lips feel warm against yours, melding together with you in a way that just felt right, like it was meant to always happen? Yes. Yes, of course.

And Rohan’s eyes widened, his nails digging into his palms as if to make sure this wasn’t a dream, that you weren’t some figment here to haunt him. But no, you were real, you were soft, and with that confirmation, Rohan let himself melt into the kiss, moving to wrap his arms around you, to just hold you for a moment. This may be his only chance, so he might as well take advantage of it. When you finally pulled away, Rohan almost felt bad, knowing that this moment might never come again, that this moment might have been out of pity instead of true affection, that everything would now officially be at an end. And yet, wheels started to turn in Rohan’s head as he turned away, his eyes widening.

“Oh… Now, that would be a perfect arc!” Rohan shot up from your lap, already pacing a bit and snatching up his notepad, making his way to the stairs while talking to himself. “If I take the positioning from the last chapter, we’re in the prime position to introduce a new character, so some sort of design correlating with the current theming shouldn’t be hard, if I take…” He started to go on, and you knew that in a moment or three, it was going to be impossible to pull him out of his haze. You couldn’t help but laugh. Well, at least you seemed to have solved the problem you had come here in the first place to solve.

“Well, I take it you have ideas for your next chapter. That’s good. I suppose then…” You looked around at the now cooled tea that Rohan had offered you, the awkwardness you had just induced into your relationship, and got the vibe that maybe it was time to leave. But as you gathered up your things, Rohan’s head up snapped to you, his train of thought broken.

“Hey, stay. I… I want to talk to you after I finish writing down a few things in my office. About… Us.” You noticed a light dusting of blush over his face, making your own face flush. Oh god, it was like your old crush was flaring up all over again. Lord have mercy. You looked at the ground, just nodding a bit and sitting back down.

“A-Alright. Come back quickly, okay? I… I’m glad that I could at least help you a little bit. I know I’m sort of useless as your editor, but still…” You laughed a bit to try and lighten the mood, but Rohan just shook his head.

“Oh, (Y/n). You always seem to help me. Even just seeing your face is all the help I need sometimes. I’ll be back soon. Feel free to grab what you want from the kitchen.” With that, Roha ran up the stairs to work on who knows what, leaving you alone to your thoughts, sitting in Rohan’s living room.

Leaving you to think about a kiss you probably never should’ve given, and the joy that it was most likely about to lead to.

#rohan kishibe/reader #rohan kishibe x reader #rohan/reader #rohan x reader #jjba x reader #jjba/reader #jjba imagines #writing #my writing #mine #sfw

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sunsetinmyvein · 3 years

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The Radio Station - Chapter Six - Why Can’t We Be Friends?

26th of November, 2018

Eventually, she saw it all unfold in the headlines. The lies. The heroin. The trip to rehab. It was devastating to discover the root cause of Matty’s behaviour in such a disconnected way from how she might’ve expected to discover it a few years ago. A part of her wanted to reach out, to check in and see if he was doing all right, offer to help, but she suspected after their last two interactions that maybe she was better off just leaving it. However, in contrast to the sinking feeling from knowing he had been going through such turmoil, it was incredibly uplifting to see him getting back on his feet. For him to be writing and releasing music again meant that he must’ve successfully made it to the other side. Whenever the announcement of a new album came, she waited in anticipation for the email confirming that he’d be coming back on the show. She wasn’t entirely sure if she was excited at the thought of seeing him again, or absolutely dreading the prospect of things still being uncomfortable between them - her emotions seemed to regularly flip flop between the two. It was awfully close to the album release date when she finally got the confirmation from her boss; she had begun to suspect maybe he didn’t want to come back on the show after how they’d left things. He’d have every right to resent her after how she’d treated him.

She was knocked out of her thoughts whenever she heard a soft knock at the door, turning in her chair to see Matty standing outside with a sheepish smile, having arrived early. His hair was cropped quite a bit shorter than she’d seen it before but he was still sporting his natural curls. He was wearing some puffy yellow coat over a plain shirt, and stock standard worn out blue jeans. It was probably the most… average, that she’d ever seen him look (not that average was ever a truly fitting word to describe Matthew Healy). She waited for him to push the door open and come in, but he seemed to be waiting for her to let him in. As she stood up and opened the door, and he gingerly made his way inside and loitered next to her desk for a minute, she was suddenly vividly reminded of the first time she’d met him. All she could see was the nervous twenty-three-year-old that she’d met six years ago, who was scared shitless about his first proper radio interview. The nostalgia hit like a freight train, and before she could give it a second thought she grabbed him in a tight hug.

He hugged her back, pressing his face into her shoulder as he let out the breath he had been holding. “I’m sorry…” She said quietly after a moment.

He gave an incredulous laugh at that, “You’re sorry? For what?” He asked. “I was the dickhead.”

“I just…” This hadn’t really been the way she expected herself to instantly react, nor had she thought of anything to say in this situation. Her mouth was running dry trying to come up with the right words to explain what she was feeling. “I wasn’t exactly a good friend.”

“I think we were both a bit guilty of that.” He chuckled as he ran a hand through his hair, taking a step back.

“I should’ve tried harder.” She tried to explain, frowning at herself as she floundered for the right sentiment.

“It’s fine, truly.” He reassured her. “I wouldn’t have told you what was happening, anyway. Nobody knew.” He added with a shrug.

They took their seats opposite the desk, both feeling slightly relieved but well aware there was still tension surrounding them. “Uh, is there anything you want me to avoid asking about?” She asked eventually, busying herself with checking the text line to avoid looking directly at him.

“No.” Matty replied instantly. “I’d prefer you ask what you want to rather than censor yourself for my benefit. I won’t answer it if it’s too much.” He clarified. “Thanks for checking, though.”

“Are you…” She hesitated, unsure of the boundaries of their friendship now and how much she should be asking for her own curiosity. “Are you all right now?” She asked as she looked across to him.

He cracked a small smile, “Considerably better. Probably not all the way there yet, though. It’s hard with my girlfriend back at home for the moment, but I’m managing. Keeping busy with other stuff to stay occupied.” He answered truthfully. She nodded in understanding. “And you? It’s been at least three years since we’ve had a proper conversation.” The realisation of how long it had actually been stung slightly, but she ignored that feeling and instead focused on the fact that he seemed to genuinely want to know how she’d been.

“Good.” She grinned. “Doing well on the morning slot now that it’s been a few years.”

“You’ve been making a bit of a reputation for yourself over here, I hear your name get kicked around a bit when I’m at home. It’s nice to see you getting proper recognition for your efforts.” She tried her best not to blush at the subtle compliment.

Thankfully she didn’t have too long to dwell on his kind words and any connotations behind them before the interview started. The nervous butterflies sat at the pit of her stomach as she switched the live audio and video feeds over, lying in wait in case the interview still felt as awkward and forced as the last two.

“Matty, great to have you back.” She spoke, clearing her throat slightly.

“Great to be back after so long.” He said cheerfully.

“The 1975 release their new record in six days, A Brief Inquiry into Online Relationships-”

“Only six days?” He muttered to himself in slight disbelief.

“We’ve only got a relatively short interview today, because after this you are heading straight into the live lounge to play a few tracks for us.” He made a noise of agreement. “We’ve heard five singles off it, all of which sound very different from one another in true 1975 fashion.” Matty laughed lightly at that. “And I noticed that you did the same thing with this album as what you did with I Like it When You Sleep; the first single you released was the first track on the album. Is this becoming a habit for you guys?” She asked.

“Probably not a habit.” He started, letting out a huff. “It just felt like the most natural thing to do. Whether it felt like a primary statement or not, I’m not sure. We’d already made an album by that point, we hadn’t made a group of singles. I hadn’t been thinking ‘oh, how do we butter them up?’ Just thought… this is the first song on the record. Put it out.” He shrugged.

“Do you think this is your strongest record so far?”

“A hundred percent.” He answered instantly.

“I’ve heard people comparing it to OK Computer. Saying that it’s a similar thing for the millennial generation.” She prompted.

He let out a groan, “I try not to think much about it.” He admitted. “I mean, what do I say? It’s so humbling and amazing, but strange also, because… the only realisation that I really came to, about the record – I think the reference to OK Computer is maybe it’s kind of, the narrative is incredibly twinned with how we communicate and the internet and all those kind of things. Which is obviously OK Computer in a nutshell. My favourite records are about life.” He said, clenching his fist for emphasis and knocking the microphone lightly. “It’s maybe a bit of a big thing to say, but I was just writing a record about relationships. Well… I wasn’t even doing that; I was just writing a record. And it turns out if you’re trying to write an honest record about relationships and how they’re mediated in the modern day, you’re kind of by proxy writing about the internet.” He explained. Things already felt more natural than what they had of late. Matty felt more open and responsive, which instantly put her mind at ease.

“One of the other singles that we’ve heard from the album is Love It If We Made It, which is…” She tried to pick her words carefully to best capture her thoughts on the song succinctly, “a pretty powerful song to say the least.”

Matty nodded enthusiastically before answering, “The thing with Love It If We Made It… it was very, very difficult to write. It’s a list of information. The idea stemmed from the fact that over a year we collected tabloid newspapers every day to make the lyrics. Unfortunately, when we got to trying that, it was too slapstick. The song was hard to get right. It needed to be as objective and as fair and as anti… ‘watch out sheeple’ as possible. And that’s hard to do.”

“It seems you guys did a good job with it in the end. It’s been resonating well with our listeners.”

“Thanks.” Matty grinned proudly.

“It’s Not Living If It’s Not With You has also had quite the response.” She added, hoping he’d have a bit to say about that, and that maybe it could work as a segue to the questions blowing up her screen in her peripheral vision.

“It’s… I don’t know…” He sighed, staring blankly at the wall behind her as he tried to formulate an answer. “The way I always explain it, it’s like it’s a song that sounds poppy but it’s about something serious. Which, okay, that’s straight up 1975. And that’s because the feeling that I get from music, narratively or musically, can kind of be the same thing. You know like being nervous or being like, er, anxious for a date, physically could be the same feeling as the fear of heights if you get rid of all the intellect. Emotionally, you get the same thing. I’ve always been like, I get this feeling when I read the lyrics of Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen but I get the same carnal feeling when I hear the music to Girls Just Want to Have Fun. So… the synthesis of those ideas has just been the most obvious thing in the world for me, you know what I mean?” He looked across to her for confirmation. “I think that idea really sums up The 1975. If you’re a big fan of The 1975, that’s the most 1975-iest song on the record.”

She had hoped he would jump straight into the lyrical content of the song, but clearly she would need to segue into it herself. “That totally makes sense.” She agreed. “There’s been a bit of a debate about the subject matter of It’s Not Living.” She said, giving him a cautious glance. He’d said not to worry about asking whatever she wanted to, but that didn’t stop her from feeling like she was delving too deep into his private life.

He hummed thoughtfully. “I’m pretty sure most of the fans know what it’s about.” He said with a dry laugh. “I’ve not like… done some big reveal of my relationship with drugs over the past couple of years. I think that because…” He stared down at the desk with a frown, “I used to have nightmares about being exposed. Because remember, my whole game has always been that ‘do I know that you know that I think that I’m a rock star?’ that’s always been my whole thing.” He said with a pointed look. “So, the idea though, of actually being known for being a junkie and doing those kinds of things, used to terrify me. Because then I’m a cliché. I lose all of my irony and lose all of my funniness because I’m an actual cliché. So, I think even when I’m talking about it on this record, I’m still going ‘Danny ran into some complications-’ it’s like I’m using characters. It’s a bit like somebody going ‘I’ve got this mate, right, and he’s got a bit of this weird rash-’ “ He chuckled. “Like ‘yeah, all right, well tell your mate-’ it’s like we know who you’re talking about. I think the idea that I’m still trying to hide and remove myself from it is part of the gag. But then the chorus is brutally honest. It’s difficult to write a song like that. It’s hard to despise the idea of fetishizing or romanticising drug use as a behaviour but then only having my truth. Like I don’t have anything else, I don’t have anywhere else to talk about it. There is a hopelessness to drug addiction. You don’t keep doing it because it’s cool, you keep doing it because you feel like there’s no life without it.” His expression seemed to become quite sombre at that before he continued his train of thought. “And to express that… it wasn’t like a relief for me. The music is a catharsis for me, but it wasn’t like I needed to get that out. Unfortunately, I’m only my set of experiences, and they’re pretty limited as somebody who’s been on the road for four years trying to mediate his life through drug addiction, y’know? So yeah… it’s difficult to walk that line. Um… But I just had to make sure that… like with most of my work, any discussion of my behaviour is normally with a profound distaste. And kids are smart, man.”

She hadn’t really expected him to be so open about it so readily. “What started it?” She asked instinctually, almost forgetting for a moment that she was at work and meant to be providing entertainment. “If you don’t mind me asking.” She added as an afterthought.

He waved a hand dismissively at her worry. “I’d be on stage, and there would be however many thousands of people. And I’m genuinely trying to connect with people, you know? And then it’s done. Go back to the hotel room. Go to sleep. Like… what?” He answered with a frustrated huff. “I was trying to change culture in my head ten minutes ago and now I’ve gotta go to sleep? I used drugs to go to sleep primarily. I’ve never had a good relationship with sleep, anyway… I’ve always been jealous of people they’ll tell me about a dream and they’ll kind of like explain this little kind of film that they’ve been that has a dynamic of emotions and it was up and it was down and my dreams are just like terror. Just fear. I’ve never had that many good dreams. And drugs stop you dreaming. But then obviously… you have solutions to get rid of that post-show buzz. Didn’t really get me anywhere. Spoilt it, as well. Did way too much. Did loads of it.” He admitted. “So, I can’t do anymore of it… when I’m older.” He laughed.

“So, you became reliant on that as a comedown?” She questioned.

“It was always gonna happen with me with opiates.” He said bluntly. “I only say this in case people relate to it, but like, when I was younger, I kind of used to dream about being sedated. And unfortunately, sex, drugs, other things, religion, I’ve loved all these things in my life but they’ve never just-” He clicked his fingers, “turned it off. And unfortunately, when I tried those drugs, I – temporarily, for a moment – had that. And I was like, right, this is gonna help. And erm,” He picked at his nail anxiously. “It just takes your shine off, slows you down. Makes you lie, which is a nightmare for somebody who is so Mr Tell The Truth.”

“The lies are what got you caught?”

He made a noise of contemplation. “The problem is… I’m very, very lucky, is what I am. And I have an infrastructure around me of like… we’ve been a band since we were fourteen, I’m twenty-nine, right.” He said with a pointed look in her direction. “We’re like brothers, we love each other. I have amazing opportunities like this,” He gestured around the studio, “I have my health, I have all these things. There’s not a lot of people around me who allow stuff like… hard drug use. And that’s really annoying when you’re a drug addict. But it also makes you reflect, you know what I mean? Because you just end up lying, and being a version of yourself that- but that’s part of the sickness. You incentivise things weirdly.” He explained with a shrug.

“And the rehab centre you went to was in Barbados?” She asked. He nodded in response. “I heard that the band paid for that?”

His expression visibly softened when she brought that up. “Yeah. I think the nice story was that uh… Obviously, I’m in a fortunate place in my career that - obviously I have to think about those kind of financial things - but before I went I was kind of thinking ‘I’ll sort that out when I’m out there’ and then I remember saying to Jamie ‘oh-‘ and he was like ‘aw nah, nah, it’s all sorted’ and I was like ‘Oh, how much did it - what was it?’ and he was like ‘oh, well we just did it out the band’ and I was like ‘oh really??’ “ He seemed visibly touched by this story, even retelling it now.

“That was pretty amazing of them to do.”

“Yeah… Yeah, it was.” He muttered, still clearly caught up in his own thoughts. “And you know what, if you want a band to last forever, share.” He added simply.

“And this place you went to, supposedly they do a bunch of stuff with horses?” She asked in confusion. When she had heard this information, she was almost certain she had gotten her wires crossed, but Matty was already confirming what she had said.

“Equine therapy, yeah! It was, basically…” He started trying to explain, before cracking a smile and looking across to her. “In reality what it was, for the first two or three days was me stood in a field rolling my eyes next to a horse.” He said with a laugh. “That’s what it was really. This guy put me in a field with a horse and was like ‘talk to the horse’ so I’m like” He gave a sarcastic look, “ ‘…all right?’ So, he leaves me alone and I’m like ‘hey man’ and the horse obviously didn’t say anything.” She couldn’t help but laugh at the image. “And then he put me in the round pen, right. He put me in this pen which was just round – was a good explanation of it.” He reprimanded himself with a snort. “And I stood in the middle, and basically he said ‘I want you to walk towards the horse. It’s gonna send the horse around in a loop, and I want you to assert your position. You’re not going to get the horse. You’re just telling the horse that this is where you’re going’. All this stuff. So, I do it. And he goes ‘you’ll notice three things, at one point the horse will dip its head, then it’ll bow its ear to you, then it’ll start biting its lips. Once it’s done these three things, I want you to turn your back and drop the rope.’ So, I’m like right, lips, thing, do this, yep. And the horse is running, the horse is running, I watched for these three cues, and I dropped the rope and I turned round. The horse stopped dead.” He clapped his hands together for emphasis, staring at her seriously.

“I swear to you, it was one of the most profound moments of my life. The horse stopped dead, came over to me and stood behind me – and this is a horse that for three days had mugged me off. And I was… stood there with this horse, that now… wanted to be with me?” He seemed entirely perplexed by this. “Then when I walked it wouldn’t cross my feet,” He gestured to his feet as he said this, knocking his microphone in the process. “Sorry, I keep hitting the microphone. Way too gesticulated today. Erm, when I went into the field and hung out with it, it wanted to be with me. And then I stood there and was like ‘Ah… Right…’ Then all of these profound things… It was so…” He tried his best to find the words. “It ate everything it needed to eat, and didn’t complain about it, and didn’t eat too much of it, and ate the right stuff. It had the ability to destroy anything it wanted, but the desire to hurt nothing. It was physically perfect and strong. It was forgiving with its time with me. And it was kind of compassionate in a way, ‘cause he’s a horse, he doesn’t want me there, he just wants to be a horse. But he let me be there.” It was abundantly clear how much of an impact this experience had on Matty. He spoke about it so passionately that it was hard not to feel moved by what he was saying. “I found myself envying all of these human qualities in a horse. And I think that was the point of it…” He said with a look of finality. “At least, I hope that was the point of it. Otherwise I’ve screwed it up and learned nothing.” He laughed loudly. “But it worked for me.”

“How are you finding it? Being off the drugs?” She asked, leaning back in her seat after having been leant forward in interest for the last few minutes as he told his story.

He pulled a face as he tried to answer that in a manner suitable for a mass radio audience. “I mean… I wouldn’t say I’m this ‘beacon of sobriety’ “ He punctuated that with air quotes, “that’s kind of, telling you how it is to be an ex addict. I don’t know.” He answered sincerely. “I’ve not gone long enough. I’m not gonna start talking about ‘I haven’t done drugs in five years - ten years’ it was only a few months ago. I was still doing loads of them.” He said as he scratched at his neck.

“Is it harder now without them?”

“I don’t sleep as good as I used to with it, but I’m getting by.” He replied with a nod. “I’m all right with sleeping now. The band and my girlfriend have been really supportive and helpful. I’m doing all the things now that I used to do when I took drugs all the time. So, I’ve just made a record without doing it all the time,” He ticked that off on a finger, “so that was an experience, that was a challenge. I’ve now started touring without doing it all the time,” He ticked that off as well, “that’s an experience, that’s a challenge. I’m now about to start getting on planes all the time and touring internationally,” He added that to the list, “that’ll be a challenge. But you’ve just gotta take it day by day as the cliché says, or you’ll freak yourself out.”

“You talk about drugs pretty freely in your music, but you don’t really speak about it in interviews, was that to try and stay… disconnected from it to some degree? Did you think it was going to get as bad as it did?” She asked. She had entirely tuned out of the fan questions being sent in now, asking these questions almost purely from her own curiosity to know what had happened to the Matty she knew.

“No, no, no… I didn’t. I mean, I think the thing that I think I always have confidence in is that because I’ve – regardless of if it’s drugs or relationships - the main thing I’ve done with The 1975 is spoken about myself with kind of quite a profound disdain.” He answered. “There’s not really been a celebration of the behaviour. I think that if I was ever romanticising or fetishizing the use of drugs, I think I’d catch myself doing it. And if I ever have done that in a lyric, it will be immediately met with a lyric that shows that one up to be ironic or flawed.” He elaborated. That made sense. Most of his songs did reflect that attitude. “I’ve just had to be honest. Religion allows you to kind of give something away, sex, exactly the same thing. They’re just ways of giving up some kind of responsibility in the moment. But by that point I’d done ‘em all!” He grinned, still trying to keep the mood light despite the heavy topic. “Drugs was the only one left.”

She stared at him for a moment, just taking in all of the information he’d given her in such a short timeframe. It was a lot to process all at once, but it made a lot of the pieces click into place and answered a lot of questions that had kept her up at night when they had lost contact. Eventually she clocked back into reality, seeing that he was watching her just as intently as she had been watching him while he had divulged some of the most intimate aspects of his life.

“So, to a lighter note-” She segued.

“It’s fine, I don’t mind talking about it.” He said with a chuckle.

She smiled back at him, “I’m sure our listeners have enjoyed hearing it all in such great detail. But, there are some other big events that have been happening in your life as well that we haven’t brought up.” She said.

“Oh?”

“The 1975 will be headlining Reading and Leeds next year.”

“Yes!” He beamed. “It’s our first big headline festival. It gets me proper emotional. We didn’t just go as kids, after I got to thirteen, Christmas took a back seat and the date on my calendar was Reading and Leeds. I went one year with a tenner and no tent. I mean, I’ve had some moments there. It’ll definitely be a very humble show. All of this ego and confidence here will be gone.” He scoffed, “ ‘Honestly guys, thanks so much for coming.’ ” He said in a feigned blubbering emotional voice, before giggling at himself. “But like, we’ve just become a really good band in my opinion. I think we could headline Reading and Leeds tomorrow if you asked us to.”

“Are you particularly excited to have content off the new album to perform there?”

“Definitely. There are some songs on there that will be added into the festival setlists. It was about creating a distillation of what preceded it. Everything needed to be better, more extreme. Poppy bits poppier, heavy bits heavier, honest bits more honest.” He explained with a nod. “You can look at your work and be like ‘what did I do there that someone likes’ or ‘let’s try and do that piano thing’. Me, when I’m like, really personal, really honest, that’s when I get the best reaction. So, I just tend to do that. Like what’s gonna make me, y’know-“ He started pretending to tear up for emphasis.

“And you guys are already working on the next album, Notes on a Conditional Form? This one’s not even out yet!”

He just laughed. “We went away and what happened was, we finished A Brief Inquiry, kind of had a week off and then we started with Notes. I’m just letting it happen.” He shrugged. “I’m letting it happen in the next six months. It’ll be before…” He seemed to be doing some calculations in his head. “August. It has to be in time for Reading and Leeds.” He added decisively.

Glancing down at the clock on the screen next to her, she could see that they had in fact gone over time. “Well, as always Matty, it’s been lovely having you on the show, but I think we have to wrap it up so you can scoot over to the live lounge and get yourself set up.” She said with a small sigh, disappointed that the interview had to end after how well it had been going. Matty had felt entirely captivating as he spoke today, clearly on his game.

“God, this’ll be the first time we’ve played together in… ages.” He said as he pulled a hand through his hair and leaned back into his chair. “And we’ve not played these songs live yet, either. This will be the debut.”

“Incredibly exciting.” She nodded. “So, I’ll let you go. Tune in folks in half an hour, The 1975 will be playing a short set for us of songs from their new album, A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships, in the live lounge.” She spoke into the microphone, before rounding out the interview.

Matty didn’t move from his chair across from her as she switched the camera feed off and switched over to the next round of tracks.

“Are you coming?” He asked as soon as she took her headset off. “To the live lounge?” He clarified.

Her shift was meant to end in just over twenty minutes, and they started in thirty. She could probably finish up quickly enough to make it down there in time. “Yeah, I can do that.” She said with a nod.

He grinned eagerly, “It’ll be wicked to have you there for it.”

“It’s probably about time I saw you guys play.” She laughed as he stood up.

“I’ll see you shortly.” He said over his shoulder as he made his way out of the studio.

* * *

By the time she made her way down to the live lounge quite a crowd had already formed. Her handover between shifts had been fairly rushed in an attempt to get out of there quickly, but obviously The 1975 knew how to draw an audience. She managed to squeeze her way through a few crew members to get a decent enough viewing point. Whenever she caught Matty’s gaze, he waved at her excitedly. She waved back, suddenly feeling a bout of nerves at the thought of finally watching him in action. Once the cameras were set up and all of the equipment had done one final round of checks, they launched into quite a boppy first song. She recognised this instantly as Tootime, as it had been her favourite of the singles that were released. He sounded a bit rusty and raw, which thankfully he could cover with the filter over his voice, but his enthusiasm to be performing again was unmistakable. The looks he was throwing to his band were nothing short of ecstatic, and despite being out of practice they played the song flawlessly. They finished up the first song, and he shrugged off his yellow jacket as they changed their gear over for the next two. Their little live set was only three songs long in the end, but they felt It’s Not Living and Sincerity Is Scary were excellent choices to best get across the vibe of the new album. After seeing what they could do in a tiny room with minimal fanfare, she was suddenly kicking herself for never getting out to one of their live shows.

When they had wrapped up the set, Matty started packing away his gear before seeing her starting to leave. He quickly dropped what he was doing and called out to her to wait up. She turned to face him, as he suddenly realised that he hadn’t worked out what to actually say. “Look, I’m sorry about… how I’ve been lately.” He eventually settled on.

“It’s okay, you were going through a rough time.” She reassured him.

“I was,” He nodded, “but it’s not really an excuse.” He added with a sigh. “Can I take you out to lunch after this? To apologise properly.” He asked with a hopeful look.

“You don’t have to-” She started, before he interrupted.

“I know I don’t have to - I want to.” He corrected. She considered this offer for a moment. “Please?”

“Sure.” She nodded, trying to conceal her smile. “That’d be nice.”

She waited patiently as he packed up his gear, feeling slightly awkward for loitering around a studio that wasn’t hers while she watched everyone else clear out. Once everything seemed fairly put away, he exchanged a quiet word with the band and walked over to where she was standing.

“Any preferences for where we eat? It’s your apology lunch, after all.” He said as he slipped his jacket back on.

She grimaced at his choice of words. “Don’t say it like that.”

“Why?” He laughed.

“It makes me feel worse than I already do.”

“Suppose we’ll just feel bad together, then.” He said as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and ushered her back out of the building. She couldn’t deny, it felt nice to be seeing Matty act more like he had when they’d first met. Whether that was because she enjoyed the attention or because it was nice to see her friend feeling more himself was up for debate.

Due to neither of them being the one to want to make the call about where to eat, for fear of the other not enjoying it, they ended up going to the only place that served food within their direct eyeline – a bakery. It made her feel less like she was taking advantage too for him to only have to pay for pastries and coffee, not a proper fancy meal with drinks. They caught each other up on the fine points of their lives that they’d missed out on hearing over the last few years: highlights in careers, people who’d come and gone, other artists they’d met that had proved to be noteworthy (for good reasons and bad). It was incredibly reassuring for the both of them to know that conversation still flowed easily enough between them when they weren’t actively disliking each other.

“Sorry if the interview was a bit… too personal. We didn’t really talk about the record all that much, in the end.” She said, thinking back to how long they’d spent discussing his drug habits rather than his impending album release.

“Stop apologising.” He said around a mouthful of food. “I’m the one who’s supposed to be saying sorry. And I’m sure the fans would’ve liked it.” He shrugged.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to force stuff out of you for the sake of entertainment.”

“Like I said, I wouldn’t have answered if I didn’t want to.” He reminded her.

He waited a beat, composing what he had originally wanted to say today before clearing his throat. “I really am sorry, you know. For how I left things.” He said as he stared down into his mug of tea.

“It’s genuinely okay, Matty.” She reassured him. “I wasn’t really any better.” She added under her breath.

“I was just a bit oblivious and hopeful when I fucked stuff up initially. I wanted to act like I hadn’t dropped off your radar for two years.” He admitted as he scratched at the side of his head. “If I’m honest, I was reaching out to get some support from an old mate in a time when I felt pretty overwhelmed by everything that was happening. But I went about it in all the wrong ways and just made it a whole lot worse.” He clarified with a dry laugh. As if she hadn’t already felt bad enough, now he tells her that she’d shut him out when he had been trying to ask for help? The guilt increased tenfold.

“Sorry.” She said. He was about to tell her off again for apologising, but she cut him off. “I was already pretty shitty that I hadn’t seen you in so long, so I was pretty quick to want to end that interaction when things started getting… difficult.” She explained.

“Guess you live and learn, huh?” He said with a small smile. “At least we’re still mates now.” Hearing him say that helped ease a bit of her worry that she’d done as much to fuck things up as he had. At least now that it was all out in the open, they could move past it.

“Yeah.” She concurred, returning his smile. They finished up the pastries that Matty had bought before stepping out of the bakery. Both of them felt like a weight had been lifted now that they knew they hadn’t screwed stuff up for good between them. Having each said their piece, they were pretty confident that they could give friendship another shot.

“It was great to see you.” He said as he pulled her in for a hug tight enough that it almost made her lose her breath.

“Next time we’ll have to make sure it’s not so long.” She said as he moved back from the hug.

“We’ll keep in touch.” He agreed with a nod. “And I mean it this time.”

Taglist: @imagine-that-100 @ghostlightqueen @tooshhhy @robinrunsfiction @approved-by-dentists

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#Matthew Healy x Reader #Matty Healy x Reader #Sunsetinymvein

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mischiefandi · 3 years

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My Blog in 2021 <3

Hi everyone!!

I’ll be writing again soon and I wanted to give you guys some information on what I’m gonna be doing on here from now on. There’s gonna be a few changes to how I’ll be handling my blog and my writing which is why I’m making this post so everything makes sense and you know what’s coming <3

everything is below the cut ! ( this is quite a serious post ngl :)

Fandoms

As you’ve probably seen on my blog these past few weeks, I’ve fallen back in love with the Harry Potter universe and I’ve decided I will be writing fanfiction about Harry, Fred Weasley, and the Marauders (Wolfstar content, Sirius Black x Reader, Remus Lupin x Reader, and some Marauders headcanons). I will still be writing for Peter Parker in the MCU fandom and I will also be writing for Drake Walker from the Choices fandom. However, I’ve decided that after I finish my series “A Shitty Love Song” (Stiles Stilinski x Reader), I will officially stop writing for Stiles.

He’s still one of my comfort characters but I don’t feel as inspired anymore and because Teen Wolf ended so long ago now, I just don’t feel the same love for it as I used to. I will definitely still reblog gif sets and shitposts about Teen Wolf!! and I will not stop talking about Stiles on my blog lmao but I won’t be writing about him anymore. I know a lot of people follow me for that, so I apologise if you feel let down or disappointed.

I really appreciate all the love and the support you guys have been surrounding me with ever since I joined the Teen Wolf fandom, and I still love yall and will gladly discuss the show with you guys!! Thank you for understanding, I really hope you’ll still enjoy my blog and my content!

NSFW Content

Because I was a minor up until last August, I wasn’t comfortable with writing smut or NSFW content. My views on NSFW content on tumblr have changed a lot in the past few months and I have realised that I am now responsible for the content that I decide to share with readers and followers. I am 18 years old and I now feel comfortable writing smut, meaning I will be posting NSFW fics on my blog starting now. However, I would like to make some things clear:

If you are under 18 years old, I ask that you do not interact with my NSFW content. You are allowed to read my other fanfiction and you are allowed to interact with my blog and with me, however, my NSFW content is off limits. I know that this won’t necessarily make sense to everyone, and I know people will be upset, but this is a boundary I will enforce for your own protection as well as my own. I really am sorry if you feel disappointed or feel excluded, but smut is written pornography and there is a reason why the law prohibits minors from interacting with it.

As a legal adult, I do not feel comfortable supplying minors with sexual content. All minors, including my friends/mutuals, will be blocked if they interact with my NSFW content, so I ask again: please do not interact with my NSFW content if you are under 18, regardless of where you live, where you’re from, and regardless of your past sexual experiences. I will not be making exceptions and this isn’t up for discussion. I really do not want to be rude or act pretentious, but this really is a necessity and I will be taking this seriously.

Like I said, I will now start writing smut, however I will only be writing smut about 18 year olds and above. I do not feel comfortable writing smut about minors, even if they are 16-17. I know that minors engage in sexual behaviour in real life, but like I said, I do not feel comfortable writing about it. I also will not be writing non-con content, nor will I write about incest or dubious consent content. I ask that you please respect my choice.

For the sake of transparency, I will keep tagging the sexual content on my blog as NSFW and I will add it in the warnings above my fanfiction every time. Again, I ask that you respect these boundaries if you are a minor. I also ask that the other adult creators tag my writings as NSFW if they decide to reblog them. Thank you!!

Lastly, because I am 18, I want to say that if you feel uncomfortable with me interacting with your content or talking to you, do not hesitate to tell me and I will respect your own boundaries. Friendships on tumblr are complicated because everyone can stay anonymous while maintaining relationships with each other, which can make some people very uncomfortable, especially minors. I will completely understand if you would rather I stay away from your blog.

What I Read

I love reading people’s fanfiction and I really try to be supportive of my friends and their content however I have realised that there are a few things I see that make me uncomfortable, which is why I have decided to tell you guys that I will not be reading NSFW content about real people anymore. I don’t judge creators that do write about real people, nor do I necessarily disagree with them, I just know that it doesn’t make me feel comfortable anymore so I will not be reading those kinds of fics anymore. I am really sorry if that upsets or disappoints you but I’m not going to force myself to read things that make me feel uneasy haha.

Also, I don’t think I have ever interacted with fanfiction that talks about someone’s real life trauma because it always made me feel extremely uncomfortable, and I don’t intend on starting now so please don’t tag me in content like that! I don’t want to disrespect your work or your writing, but I feel that there are certain boundaries we have to respect as “fans” and romanticising a real person’s personal trauma is just not right in my eyes (Dylan O’Brien’s accident for instance). Yes, this includes past relationships or exes (something I didn’t always respect but now I do).

Speaking of trauma, I would like to specify something.

I will not, and will never romanticise a character on here who’s personality revolves around his/her/their trauma (yes, even if it’s fictional). It was a big issue with Arvin Russell in the Tom Holland fandom, and it will be an even bigger issue when Cherry comes out. I used to read Mitch Rapp fanfiction, something that I don’t intend on doing anymore, unless it’s soft Mitch who’s resolved his issues haha. If a character’s entire story arc and trauma has turned them into a violent and mentally ill person, it is not something that I want to romanticise or fantasize about. It can be harmful because it reinforces the idea that toxic relationships and/or violence are romantic or sexy things. They aren’t.

What to expect on my blog for the next few months

I will be writing again in two weeks and here is what I’ve got cooking:

I will finish posting A Shitty Love Song

I will be writing a series about Harry Potter and an OC (this is a big project I’m taking on so I won’t be giving more details until I’ve really worked on it)

I will be writing a Fred Weasley series (will include smut so prepare yourselves haha)

I will be writing more Peter Parker one-shots and I might have some series ideas for later down the line

I will be writing more Drake Walker one-shots

I will be finishing writing the song blurb requests I got way back in November (im sorry it’s been so long!!)

I will also be starting a new weekly thing on my blog. I’ll explain the details in a couple of weeks but there will be a taglist so you guys get notified when we play <3

I WILL BE PLANNING A 1.2K FOLLOWERS CELEBRATION WHEN I’M DONE WITH EXAMS I LOVE U GUYS

I realise that this post is insanely long and not exactly fun to read, so if you’ve stuck around till the end, thank you so much!! Please respect the boundaries I have set for my blog and please try to understand where I’m coming from before you do anything haha. I really don’t mean to act all high and mighty or superior to anyone, I’m really not haha, but I do feel responsible for the content I share on here and this is a post I’ve been meaning to make for quite some time now. I love you guys so so so much, thank you for 1.2K followers!! I feel blessed and I am so so so excited to keep creating content for you and for myself. 2021 will be awesome <333333

tagging my mutuals and my forever tag+other posts tag:

News and Other Posts Tag

@stiles-o-dylan24 @duskholland @mersuperwholocked-lowlife @hcomet28 @decaffeinated--fangirl @teen--marvel @cheesecakes-randomshitz

Forever Tag

@stixnstripesworld @masterofbluff @drakewalker04 @superapplepie @apatheticanvas67482

Mutuals

@duskholland @thelittlestkitsune @apatheticanvas67482 @mrscutiefandobhaz @teen--marvel @aquariusholland @mersuperwholocked-lowlife @siriusly-harry @solstilla

#v rambles #blog psa #thank you for understanding #again #im sorry if i come off as rude or as pretentious!!#truly is not my intention #just think it's better that the boundaries are clearly stated and that everyone knows what to expect #love u guys!!

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k347 · 4 years

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A little note for all the wonderful people who are taking a moment out of their precious time to visit this little online space I created...

(I felt the need to write this because of some 'not so great' anon asks I've been getting ever since I started here and also because I've witnessed several of both, the good and bad fandom meltdowns in these couple of years)

From My Heart To Yours-

If it isn't clear to you by the kind of things I post or if you are new to this page, let me clarify it in one single sentence. This Is A Stucky+Evanstan Blog. There will always be mostly (if not all) evanstan and stucky content posted here. If you are uncomfortable with the ship, feel free to filter the 'evanstan' / 'rpf'/ stucky tags. I completely understand why it can be bothersome, icky for people, why some of you might disapprove of it. I acknowledge, respect and understand your views, feelings and opinions, I truly do. All I am asking out of you is to not be disrespectful, dissmissive about those of mine. Please understand that you don't have to see the things/content you don't want to on your dash. The block and unfollow buttons, options for filtering tags are there for a reason. Feel free to use them if you are uncomfortable with a blog or person (including me). It'll be taking the high road and bowing out gracefully if you make a habit of using these available options instead of passing around judgements and unnecessarily cruel critisism about people whom you've never even met/ know nothing about.

Personally I adore both of these Fandom Ships. I have for a long time. But it doesn't mean I don't support you if you love/are a part of some other fandom. I don't mean to disrespect or hinder any of the other ships even if they are regarding these same characters. I try and make sure to not intrude on anyone's creative space and expect that the same attitude & decency will be returned.

This blog is my way of letting out, expressing all that love, adoration I feel. I strive to be more creative with my thoughts, my way of expression as a person with each passing day. And being a part of this fandom helps me immensely with that. I've met some amazing people online because of this. Made good friends. It is a very dear thing to me. I have talked to folks who've experienced online hate from unreasonable, anonymous sources, I've also experienced a fair share of it myself. As someone who is a psychology-enthusiast-&-student-for-life, I can assure you the (good/casual/neutral/bad/hateful) things you say to or about people leave their impacts. Not just on them, but on you too. It might seem insignificant or small, irrelevant even; but it does change the way your thoughts work in daily life. Be careful and stop before you train your mind to naturally focus more on the bad things about other people rather than the good ones. So again, I kindly request you to not be mean or hurtful to anyone you meet online (or even in real life, actually.) Offering disrespect and negativity never made anything better in the history of ever.

Lastly I would like to give my two cents about another issue (that I feel can get really toxic if we are not careful) with the fandom culture. I have made no secret of the fact that I am a fan of Sebastian Stan and Chris Evans. Yes, I have and will always post a lot of appreciation posts about them (solo and together), their works and projects, some old tbt moments. You will even find imagines, headcanons, theories, fanfics about them along with the ones about the fictional characters they have played/continue to play.

But that doesn't mean I am going to act delusionally and ignore/ unacknowledge the fact that both of them are their own person. Two actual, real human beings. I don't mean to project any of this content that I am creating on them and their lives. Making anybody uncomfortable is not my intention behind doing this, not at all. I prefer to look at it this way- "This is a world that I've created in my own mind. For fun and entertainment. Sort of like an AU. Parallel Timeline. But please understand that the stories, theories, things I'll post and write on here are pure conjecture, a lot of speculations. Hypothesis and supposition. I don't want to lose the grasp on reality and be drawned in it too much or completely, up to the point at which violation of real people's boundaries starts to become a usual routine and doesn't feel wrong."

I do not agree with the mentality of blaming, hating on people/past partners in their lives for no other apparent reason than the fact that 'they know my favs'. I completely agree that there are actions and things which people need to be held accountable for at times. Yes, you can talk about it with me but please try and remain respectful (if not that, at least be decent enough) toward all the parties involved.

Even though we as fans have invested a lot of our time, creative efforts and emotions in these two men; It does not mean they owe us, or need to explain every part of their personal/professional lives.

Please remember and don't let it be hard for you to accept the fact that these two people are not the exact fanfic versions of themselves that you read about on tumblr, they are not some experminted and perfected, flawless personalities that you've created in your own minds. It is possible for humans to mess up at times. It is only natural. Don't judge people based only on their worst mistakes, or more precisely the negative stuff you read 'online' (which 9/10 times is pure speculation and made up. fake. not facts.) Chris and Seb do not need to cater to every whim and need of the fans, they do not need to make decisions based on what people feel about them online. They can and should do whatever they want to with their lives without having to experience judgement and public scrutiny about every little step taken. Please stop putting celebrities on a pedestal and measuring them up to some impossible, unrealistic standards. If you feel too much devastation, hurt over some action of your 'fav', my advice would be to take a step back. Relax. Distance yourself from the Fandom for a bit. Do not let the 'stanning' consume you, your behaviour, rational thought process and most importantly don't let it ruin your kindness.

I love the analogy that there lives a good and a bad wolf inside every human being. Your reactions, response to things, all of it depends on which wolf you decide to feed and empower at the given moment. Choose kindness. Choose gentler responses. Choose Love over Hatred. Always.

I think the lovely @musette22 (who btw, is one of the most compassionate, talented and creative people I've met here, because of our shared love for these boys 💙) voiced this thing better than I ever could.

My apologies, if the note got too long and too deep for your liking.

I promise I am not always this boring and 'let-me-lecture-you' kind of a person 😂

On this Blog you'll also find-

A lot of silly Ramblings, Scribbles and Rants

Lot of terrible jokes and puns (you know the kind where they are so bad that they're good😅)

Fluff and smut

Q and A with the anons.

AUs

Speculations, ideas and a lot of gushing

Reblogs from all these great, talented, amazing people in the fandom

A lot of 'Marvel' things

Incorrectly placed correct quotes

Sometimes extreme use of emoticons and gifs

😂♥️😄🔥😜👻💌💦💪😇🤷

Running commentary, discussions about newly released information, keeping tracks, meltdowns, breakdowns, again rambling! , ocassional full doses of sarcasm

Sometimes going 'too much in detail' 😉

My attempts at writing stuff

A lot of content for Evanstan and Stucky

Drawing parallels, a lot of 'connecting the dots' between Chris and Seb content. Weaving the pieces of informations together.

Headcanons and stories inspired from that.

Low key, actually at times very very high key roasting of Endgame.

Lots and lots of love + appreciation showered on the movies in Captain America Triology.

Getting nostalgic and adoring the good old memories, Celebrating the present moments and Wishing for many more happy ones in the future.

All of you are very welcome here!

My ask box is always open for anyone and everyone who is interested. Send asks, questions, prompts, requests, suggetions, your ideas, theories anytime you want.

I am always up for conversations and discussions.

Lots of Love,

@k347

💙

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lightsandlostbells · 5 years

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Druck season 2, episode 7 reaction

Goddamn, Druck. I’ve been dragging my ass with the rest of the S2 reactions because honestly, the content is pretty rough and rewatching it requires a certain amount of emotional fortitude, lol.

Anyway, here’s me putting myself through S2 hell so I can catch up to recap S3 hell!

Episode 7

Clip 1 - Interesting choice of entertainment

As I mentioned in the last reaction, I thought we might start with Mia calling off their relationship, as if last night was her way of saying goodbye to Alex, getting in just a little more time together because she did as Kiki asked. But obviously that wasn’t the case, because Mia and Alex are very much still in bed together.

They are sitting up and watching a movie on a laptop. In the movie, a woman kisses another woman. We cut away to Alex and Mia sitting there stiffly, sneaking glances at each other, as we hear the scene get sexy, with zippers unzipped, lots of panting and wet smacking sounds. Both of them clearly getting turned on by this video. Alex shifts and I think he covers his lap a little more, lol. He shifts closer to her and “subtly” puts his hand out for the taking. I love that Mia notices and smirks a little but doesn’t seem to take his hand.

This whole part of the scene was so weirdly true to life, lmao, if you’ve ever ended up watching a film that was more explicit than expected with someone. I had a friend who ended up watching Y Tu Mamá También on like a first or second date, neither of them knowing what the movie was about, and it was apparently very awkward.

Finally he turns off the film and kisses her. She leans away eventually and starts asking him about the scene - whether he was turned on by her or the scene. He’s like … both? He asks whether Mia watches porn and she says yes.

There was some debate about like … whether it’s in-character for Mia to watch porn or whether it’s hypocritical of her to do so as a feminist, and I don’t want to even get into the larger debate about whether porn can be feminist because holy shit is that a can of worms, but whether or not you think it’s compatible for Mia to watch porn with her being a feminist, people do a lot of stuff that isn’t 100% in line with their ideals. A lot of feminist criticism also opposes makeup and believes it to be a product of patriarchy, but Mia wears lipstick anyway. So just on the level of whether this is consistent with her as a character, i don’t think it’s wildly OOC.

There was also a lot of (understandable) debate about them watching a lesbian sex scene while still dodging a clear answer about Mia’s sexuality, especially right after Kiki made that comment about Mia being bi in the previous night’s clip, which again went unanswered. By the end of the episode they did give us an answer, but watching in real time made it feel more like they were drawing out the answer. I guess I’m wondering just why they chose to do so? Was it to tease the audience, or were they trying to find a way to drop the answer in naturally (because I can think of places where they could have done so earlier), or was there intended to be a reason story-wise that Mia’s a little vague? Is it just because it’s related to her romantic history, and it’s difficult for her to mention? Because she could mention her bisexuality without talking about specific relationships, although it’s true people might ask whether she’d ever been with a girl.

I think the most likely reason is perhaps that the Druck team didn’t expect just how much people wanted from them about Mia’s bisexuality, and they wrote in more scenes mentioning it after they saw fan reaction.

About the video they’re watching - it’s called Wach and it’s apparently by Funk (the channel that does Druck). You can watch it on YouTube although it seemed kind of dreary so I confess I didn’t watch much of it, lol. If it’s really good and I’m missing out, let me know! Anyway, the movie’s about two girlfriends but in the scene Mia and Alex are watching, they’re having a threesome with a guy. Not sure if there’s any bigger significance other than the nod to something else from Funk, and nudging at the topic of Mia’s sexuality, or the sex topic between Mia and Alexander.

He suspects she has a bigger reason for asking and draws a question mark on her forehead. This dude needs to take improv classes already, that’s clearly where his heart lies. Also, I think Mia might be asking why he’s turned on to get his opinion about two women together? I mean, I guess that could be the in-universe explanation why the talk about her sexuality is a little vague is that she wants to see how he’ll react first.

They have a pillow fight and she shoves him out of bed, he runs back into the room and tackles her and they roll around. WATCH THE LAPTOP! Eh, I guess Alex can afford another one.

They’re playful and cute. Things get heated and he slips his hand to crotch level, which makes her shake her head and back off. He asks her what’s allowed. LOW BAR, I know, but at least he doesn’t pressure her to go father than she wants. It’s sad and I don’t want to praise him for showing basic human decency, but William’s comments when Noora didn’t want to sleep with him, saying it was a funny joke and such, or that he’d managed to sleep with her soon anyway, always bothered me, so I’m glad this wasn’t recreated in Alexander.

Mia gives him the finger, and then adds another, which is deeply fucking iconic, and we end as he slides his hand down her pants. Well, damn. A big departure from Noora, not so surprising because Mia has a lot of differences from her (such as drinking alcohol when Noora did not). Part of me is proud of Mia for being upfront about what she wants and setting boundaries for what she doesn’t, the other part is like ohhhhh nooooo, girl. You told Kiki you’d break up with him, you don’t want to go any deeper with him! (...pun intended.)

Clip 2 - Bubble bath

Mia and Alex are taking a bubble bath together, lying at opposite sides. That’s quite intimate. They are doing some types of The Sex at this point even if it is not The Whole Shebang so maybe not surprising, but certainly we’re seeing their physical relationship escalate as a faster pace than Noorhelm. They seem comfortable in there together. Alex says they should stay in there as long as they can. Like, days. Well, if you can tolerate pruning, cold water, and marinating in your own filth for that long, go for it.

Mia offhandedly mentions Alex’s grade retention and he looks tired and not ready to talk about it. That water just got a few degrees colder.

He asks why she’s so cautious, if it’s because of Kiki. Mia lies to him that she talked to Kiki and everything’s cool. MIA, NO. Really???? Not a good idea. You’re not only disrespecting Kiki with what you’re doing now, and lying to your friends, but now you’re lying to Alexander, too. I know that she probably just wants to stay in this bath and in this bubble of Alexander’s apartment where everything’s OK and she gets what she wants and no one is mad and her personal life isn’t messy, but this is not the way to go about it.

OH SHIT he actually asked about negative experiences and whether that’s why she’s bi. Errrr, is he implying that she likes girls because she’s been burned by men? YIKES. Mia tells him that statement alone is reason enough to only date girls from now on. Okay, so is that confirmation of her bisexuality? (I guess if I have to ask, probably not the clearest it could be.) And she says that she could also ask why he only does one-night stands and moves fast. He says it’s complicated. So basically, despite becoming more intimate, literally lying here naked in this tub together, both of them still have some friction, both aren’t completely opening up to each other.

She chides him for his so-called hard life, with his nice car and apartment, and he reminds her that this is his sister’s flat, and we finally get an answer of sorts that his sister is in Bali. (By now we know the truth, but when this aired I wrote in my notes: “Super dark theory: the sister is dead and he means they scattered her ashes in Bali or something like that.”)

He talks about it’s hard with his parents and then says he wants to get out of the tub as the water is getting cold, which is one hell of a turnaround from wanting to stay in there for days like a minute ago. Mia says things are difficult with her parents, too, and she’s sorry. That makes him lie back down in the tub. Tension averted for now. They fist-bump. I guess their couple thing is hand gestures? Like Jonas has Hanna’s nose, meanwhile Mia and Alex are just flipping each other the bird and knocking knuckles. I can get into that, they certainly have a lot of options.

Clip 3 - Truth or dare

Mia and Alex step outside and turn off airplane mode on their phones. So they’re really hiding from everyone, huh, not even letting text messages come through. This is shady as hell that Mia’s doing this when she told Kiki otherwise. She’s lucky because this is holiday break, but she can’t camp out in Alexander’s apartment away from the rest of the world forever

Mia told the girls she was ill. DUDE. All of them were worried and checking in on her. I wonder how many of them truly believed her and didn’t have any suspicion of what she was really doing? Kiki in particular seemed to wonder how she was doing, and I’m not sure she totally bought Mia’s excuse. But whether she did or not, that must make Mia feel a ton of guilt. (Though she still doesn’t break up with him...)

I love this shot of Mia and Alex looking so small and uncomfortable once they stepped outside, like it’s overwhelming and harsh to leave their bubble.

They go back inside because it’s cold, or because they don’t want to face the outside world, and Mia is pensive. She spins around the thermos like it’s spin the bottle (and lmao when it lands between them, fixes it to point toward Alex) and says truth or dare. I wonder why she chose that moment to get some truth between them? Because she feels guilty about the lies she told her friends? Because she wants to know this thing she’s lying to them about is worth it, and that means she has to open up?

He says truth. She asks, “Why me?” He says it’s because she knows who he is. Which true, if you assume he means all the way from when she told him off about Kiki back in season 1. She’s been pointing out his flaws all along. And I mean, maybe he has a shit opinion of himself, but she wasn’t wrong about him (at least not entirely) and she didn’t fall for an idealized version of him, Alexander the rich bad boy with the cool car who’s the most wanted guy in school. She saw through that and she saw him at much of his worst, and yet somehow she’s here anyway. And I don’t know if this is exactly what he meant, but she also knows him in the sense that they have some things in common, like dealing with difficult parents, being Christmas orphans, etc.

Mia directs the thermos at herself and says truth. Bold move considering she knows what he’s probably going to ask; she’s really just ready to talk to him about it, and this is maybe an easier way to do so, framing it as a game. Alex takes a moment to think about what to ask and then asks why she’s so cautious. She tells the story of when she was 13 and she had a crush on her friend’s older brother, who was 18. He paid her a lot of compliments and she thought he liked her. He pressured her into sleeping with him, she didn’t want to but did it anyway, and then he never texted her again. Some people are school knew about it. She felt bad about herself and couldn’t talk to anyone.

The age of consent in Germany is 14, making what happened to Mia statutory rape. This adds perhaps even more impact to Mia reporting Bjorn later in the season, because it doesn’t sound like the first guy faced any repercussions for what he did; with Bjorn there is hope that justice will be served.

I think this explains a lot about why Mia was cautious about Alexander in particular, because he’s the kind of guy who was feeding girls compliments, sleeping with them, and cutting them off. Didn’t Alexander compliment Kiki’s stomach or something? And then of course Mia had a front-row seat to him ghosting Kiki after sleeping with her, and then seeing it all happen again like a slow-motion car crash. I really, really hope this makes him think about what he was doing with girls before Mia. Remember how he tried to justify himself in episode 2 about what he did to Kiki, not making her promises and saying how he couldn’t have torn down her self-image all by himself? Here he sees the long-lasting effects of that behavior on someone. Just think, there are probably Mias out there who will end up telling their stories to someone else, and the guy they’re talking about will be Alexander.

Alex is about to turn the bottle back to himself, but Mia stops it and says she also had a thing with a girl that ended before she came to Germany. No details on why it ended, if it was something really bad or more of a mundane breakup. Since she’s not going into details, I’m assuming whatever happened wasn’t horrible, but I’d still like to know more details about it.

Could they have handled Mia’s sexuality better? Yes, of course. But at this point I was just glad they addressed it directly. It would be nice if they touched on it in the future: we haven’t yet had the build-up of Matteo living in the flat, or being rescued by Hans, but with both Hans and Mia being members of the LGBT community, it would be really nice if they were able to support Matteo, and then we could hear more about Mia’s sexuality, too, like her past relationship, how she realized she was bi, etc.

He says no pressure, they have all the time in the world. THANK GOD. Low bar, I know, but I also still think there’s value in showing men being respectful and not pressuring women into sex? If you consider that the target audience is teen girls, this is a message that they need to be hearing - that they are allowed to set sexual boundaries and that boys have to respect them. And for teenage boys, while Alex has done a lot of messed-up stuff regarding girls, this part can still be used as a model for respecting boundaries and getting consent.

Clip 4 - I bet Hans and Linn ate the soup later

Mia and Alexander are in Mia’s room, ostensibly trying to study but very clearly hot for each other and making this a kind of foreplay. However, they don’t get very far until Hans comes into the room. He asks whether Alexander made “grumpy cat” angry, lmao. I love that nickname for Mia. He flops on the bed as if checking out the view of Alexander. Hans, what about Michi??

UNFORTUNATELY the doorbell rings and Linn opens Mia’s door, saying there’s a girl with soup. We hear Kiki’s voice. UH OH. Damn, Mia didn’t even really have time to like, try to shove Alexander under the bed or anything, did she?

Alexander says it’s totally OK with him. Um, I bet it is. Would be a great opportunity to be like, hey Kiki, sorry for dumping you on NYE? Although he doesn’t look totally OK with it, though that might just be because Mia is so visibly worried.

Lol, Hans thinks for a moment, clearly recognizing Mia’s distress, and then strips off his robe and throws it over Alexander, and hey, he was the only one doing anything smart in the moment? Maybe not honest, but smart? OK, not smart, but it was ... something.

Well, Alexander ain’t up for hiding under a robe, he takes it off as Kiki walks in with a big pot. She eyes Alexander and Mia, saying she made soup. She looks stunned at first, but then gets pissed and says it’s one thing for her to fuck up and apologize, but this is the worst. I have to agree, honestly. Mia put the burden on Kiki to tell her what to do, and then she didn’t even respect Kiki’s wishes. And then she lied to everyone. After that whole performance with cooking Kiki a nice dinner to talk about how sorry she was? This makes it seem like Mia just doesn’t give a shit about Kiki’s feelings, her crying and apologizing was an act to make Mia feel better, not Kiki.

I wonder if Kiki was really thinking Mia broke it off, or if she wasn’t suspicious. Like she was definitely suspicious after Sam put it out there a few episodes ago, and some of her moves were kinda calculated toward figuring out the truth. The soup may have been genuine goodwill, but maybe she also wanted to see if Mia was really sick, or if she was hiding something. Kiki did look very shocked when she saw Alexander, but maybe she was telling herself that no, Mia wouldn’t lie, Mia meant what she said, Mia cares about her. So this moment was confirming her worst fears.

Kiki angrily puts down the bowl of soup and I have to give her some credit for not throwing it or dropping it, which is what I was expecting.

Alexander asked her why she lied, and Mia says she doesn’t know. Errr, not a great answer, Mia. I have an idea why she lied. She wanted the moral high ground of “making things right” but didn’t want to actually give anything up. She wanted to ignore or run from the problems instead of dealing with them.

Mia says she can’t do this to Kiki. Alexander is pissed. Honestly, I can’t blame him for that. He has his flaws, too, for sure, and has been a shit to Kiki, but he also asked Mia if things were OK with her and Kiki, and she said they were, and now he’s finding out they weren’t and she’s using that as a reason to break up. I’d feel pretty betrayed. She also gave them a few days where they were extremely open with each other, took their relationship to the next level physically, got vulnerable with each other, and after that, she’s calling it off. When she knew all along that it was a bad idea - like she could have nipped this in the bud at the benefit concert. Instead it’s like she dawdled and made their relationship more intense and meaningful before ending it for a reason that’s been there the whole time, which is so much worse. (For Alexander, a dude who doesn’t get close to people? Even worse.)

Mia has massively fucked up but from a story perspective, I don’t mind it? I mean … that’s good for the protagonist’s growth. I like how messy Mia has been. I think it takes her off the “perfect girl” pedestal.

Clip 5 - Panic attack

Mia is lying in bed in the dark at 21:00, so you know, she’s called it an early night. I feel you, girl. She reads her texts from earlier, where she and Alex flirted and discussed him coming over to study. How nice things were just hours earlier. No new messages.

By the way, I can see the tear streaks on her face when she’s in bed, nice detail.

However, after she puts it down and rolls over, her phone lights up. She checks it and Alex is telling her to come over. Typing in all caps so it seems extra urgent.

As she’s running to Alexander, you hear some heavy breathing and rewatching the scene, it definitely sounds masculine, but when I first watched this clip I was so surprised by this development and why Alexander needed Mia that I wasn’t paying super close attention (also not watching with headphones), and I thought it was Mia’s breathing as she’s worried and running out the door. The reveal that this is Alex’s heavy breathing during a panic attack really stunned me. It adds so much tension to the scene as Mia is running to his place, obviously heavy breathing is something that reminds you of dangerous or tense scenarios.

She runs up the stairs to his place and his door is open, the lights are dim. The way the camera follows her is really disorienting, it’s hurried, it’s shaky. The lights make everything eerier - it’s dark and the sign on the wall makes the room pink, it’s not unnatural. Watching Mia run through his apartment trying to find Alex feels like navigating a maze.

Mia calls out for Alexander and eventually finds him in his underwear in a corner, sobbing and hyperventilating. You can see him clearly in the light but there’s still something unfocused about it. Mia grabs a paper bag from the kitchen and has him breathe into it. He’s crying and saying he wasn’t there. Holy shit, this is a panic attack?

Mia holds him as he cries and gasps for breath. He asks her to stay, she says she’s not going anywhere. She makes a joke about it still being 50 euro with breakfast and he manages to laugh.

This pose at the end is definitely giving off Pietà vibes.

The camera goes from extreme closeups as Alex is gasping to pulling back once he lays in Mia’s arms and calms down a bit, once he’s able to breathe and laugh at her joke. Like we’re getting breathing room. The music also goes from really tense to something more gentle once he relaxes in her arms and she says she’ll stay.

Goddamn. So instead of Mia having panic attacks/trauma, it’s Alex??? It was Noora who was panicking in OG, but we’ve switched the roles, Mia is the one to calm down Alexander.

Props to Druck for showing a dude having a full-blown attack like this, in a very non-glamorous and vulnerable way. Panic attacks in general can be pretty visceral and they’re not pretty, and I think some media shies away from showing male characters in really fragile states like this. And it’s definitely a reversal of a lot of media gender roles to have Mia the fully clothed one who’s “in control” helping out Alex, the half-naked, sobbing and shaking one. And for this not to be portrayed as something weak, but something healing. Also, big props to the actors. Chris Veres didn’t hold back in this scene.

This clip really got to me, especially as someone who has experienced panic attacks. The earlier scene with Kiki discovering Mia and Alexander together had ratcheted up the drama, but this was one of those clips where I couldn’t really do anything else after I watched it for a little while, it had gotten under my skin that much. It’s hard for me to unpack it. Even rewatching it unnerves me, though Mia’s gentleness and compassion, and the ending where she says she’s not going anywhere, make the experience more uplifting. Bravo, Druck.

I think it helped that it was so surprising too, like we already got a very important clip earlier in the day, and it was the drama we were all expecting, the next step in the Kiki/Mia/Alex situation, but this definitely was not what I was expecting next, both in that it’s a divergence from the original storyline and that I figured the next clip would build on Mia dealing with estrangement from both Kiki and Alex.

Clip 6 - Giddy up

Mia wakes up in bed with Alex the next morning. I like the contrast here from the last scene, just what a difference the daylight can make, feeling so much less threatening, and I like Mia’s reaction, as if she’s taking in all that happened last night. She looks at a Polaroid picture at the side of the bed, of Alex and his sister. The fact that it’s beside the bed tells you how much Alex probably looks at it and misses his sister.

Alex stir and wakes up. Heh, the crinkles of their pillows and sheets are so damn loud? I kinda love it, though, it reminds me of how good it feels to slowly wake up after a good night’s sleep. He tells Mia that he had a dream where he was feeling bad and cried in front of Mia, weird right? Mia agrees. It’s very quiet and they’re whispering. Comforting, talking about it and acknowledging it without having to go into the ugly details right now. And Mia isn’t grilling him over why he was having a panic attack or anything, just being gentle. She strokes the hair behind his ear and kisses him. They kiss softly and it gets a little more intense until Mia reaches for the jar next to Alexander’s bed and grabs a condom. They smile and Mia sits up on him and takes off her shirt. The music helpfully proclaims, “I’m a cowboy” so I mean, we know what position they used. Not surprising Mia would be on top.

I have zero problems with Mia and Alexander having sex sooner than the season finale, as with Noorhelm, although I was kinda like … is this reeeeally the best time to take this step, kids? Not because of Alexander’s panic attack, but more about Kiki walking in on them and finding out, and Mia thinking she can’t do that to Kiki, and what the hell they were going to do. It felt like they had a lot to talk about. But even so, I can definitely see why Mia felt it was the right time to take this step. There was no way Mia was leaving Alexander after last night, and clearly they care about each other a ton. It must have felt not just like waking up in the morning, but that they survived the night. The panic attack made Mia realize the total depth of her feelings, I think, and so I can fully see why it led to increased tenderness and intimacy.

Comparing Mia and Noora, Mia has trust issues and a bad experience with sex like Noora, but William did more stuff that would’ve broken Noora’s trust and made her question her feelings for him before they had sex. Noora and William kissed, then William was cold to her in front of his brother, so Noora was upset, then they made up, then William smashed a bottle over a guy’s head, then Noora was upset at that and questioned whether she could be with William, then before they could get back together, Niko happened. Since they’ve kissed, Mia hasn’t really had so many reasons to be upset with Alexander himself - it’s all about the situation with Kiki putting stress on their relationship. So I can see why the sexual element of their relationship, and the relationship as a whole, escalated much faster; Mia had more time to build up trust with him without that getting interrupted.

Clip 7 - Crew love is true love

Hanna and Mia are in the bathroom and Mia’s been telling Hanna how fast everything has gone in the last few days. It sure did! By the way, Hanna’s looking very pretty.

I like how they went from the cowboy song in the previous clip being a non-diegetic song and transitioned into this one as a diegetic song, with it playing at the Abi party now. That kind of stuff is clever, and it’s smoother than just choppily switching songs between scenes.

Alex is going to therapy now, which I love. I love that we have the Bad Boy Rich Dreamboat character seeking professional help for his trauma, I love that Druck is mentioning therapy rather casually, normalizing it. It’s not something that’s considered shameful or embarrassing, just a potential avenue for help. Mia says she doesn’t think it was his first panic attack, but she doesn’t really know why. (I’d understand if people were ehhhh about Mia telling all this to Hanna if you want, like IDK if Alexander gave her permission to tell people about his panic attack. Mia and Hanna seem to be pretty trustworthy about stuff like Matteo’s sexuality and they’re not trading it as juicy gossip, but I would get it.)

Hanna says Jonas also won’t talk to anyone, not even Matteo. Ohhh no. That boy might need some professional help, too, if he’s that much of a mess.

Hanna’s totally hugging turtleneck guy/not Gereven when they enter the club. Mia looks around and sees Kiki with Carlos. KIKI, TREAT HIM RIGHT. CARLOS, TREAT HER RIGHT. Kiki glares at Mia.

Carlos gets a drink the same time Mia does and says, “What’s up Judas?” Not gonna lie, that’s mean, but it made me laugh. He does the typical “ugh girl drama BITCH FIGHT” thing, and lmao, I can’t help but think of like Jonas/Toilet Sam tussling in the stairwell in S1. Yes, it’s all girl drama, boy fights just don’t exist, ever!

Carlos is like, it’s none of my business, he doesn’t want to get involved, but he’s getting involved (lmao) and tells her how Kiki was in a very bad state the last few days, and says it would be a good move to smooth everything out. He’s like, good talk, and walks off. Without paying either, lol. Mia pays for him. Well, I guess she has some groveling to do. God, that talk was ridiculous but benevolent of him? He’s looking out for Kiki’s well-being.

"Two angry birds” aka Sam and Amira (and lmao I love that nickname) come up to Mia. Indeed, they look angry. Mia says she’ll make it up to Kiki. I mean, she should probably apologize to the other girls, too, for lying and putting them all in this awkward position where they’re torn between friends.

Heh, there’s some banter among the girls about Sam being the only one who’s single and when Amira is like helloooo, Sam says she has Allah. Although it’s played more as a joke, this follows the same pattern of people disregarding the Sana character as someone who can have romantic relationships and feelings. She doesn’t count in the conversations about who in their group is alone and who’s not.

Mia follows Kiki to talk to her. She apologizes and Kiki just looks annoyed. I don’t blame her considering that Mia’s last apology with the dinner turned out to feel hollow, all words but not backed up with actions. Kiki points out she was a hypocrite. I love Mia and I feel sympathy for her, but Kiki is really really not wrong.

Maybe this is obvious, but I’m seriously just realizing how close this situation is to Eva/Jonas/Ingrid in S1 (or Hanna/Jonas/Leonie), even more than Vilde, Noora, and William were to that situation. Mia fucked it up with Kiki to a level Noora didn’t with Vilde.

Kiki interrupts and tells Mia what’s what - that if she had been honest from the beginning, Kiki wouldn’t have stopped her. But instead, Mia went to her when Kiki was heartbroken and basically made Kiki tell her what to do and give her her blessing. That’s exactly what happened! Mia put the burden on Kiki and basically said her happiness was in Kiki’s hands, like either Kiki had to be the villain and tell Mia to break up with Alex, or put aside her own feelings and be OK with it, even when she was the person who was wronged. Kiki didn’t feel like doing giving her blessing when she felt like shit and had been betrayed by a friend. And she didn’t expect Mia to listen, but Mia should’ve cared about her from the beginning. Kiki calls Mia out on being honest not just with others, but with herself. Kki used to compare herself to Mia, Mia gives all these moral lectures that sound smart and clever, but it’s not about what you say, but what you do. Well, shit. She’s right. And Mia needs to hear this. I’ve said this before, but I think their relationship is really complex this season. Messy, but complex. And this dynamic between them, with Kiki feeling like Mia didn’t really care, or was judging her, goes beyond just Alexander’s involvement. It’s not just fighting because of a boy.

Mia is apologizing and Carlos comes in to ruin the moment and be like “You straightened it out?” Lmao dude, don’t interrupt. He gives them all a shot, which is his attempt to play mediator, I guess, so he’s dumb but he’s trying. Kiki clinks glasses with him, then walks out. When Mia calls after her, Kiki says you still want my blessing? But you need yours. Whoaaaa.

Carlos and Kiki walk off hand in hand talking about her breasts. Well, I guess it’s nice that they’re appreciated without the surgery. Though obviously it’s about how Kiki feels about her body, not Carlos.

Mia stays behind and has a Moment, I guess she’s thinking about how she needs to go all in with Alexander, get rid of her remaining doubts. Then she goes out to meet her girls, they smile and dance. Finally Kiki smiles at Mia and they dance together. I love their little glance of reconciliation. The girl squad has a group hug. Awww!

Toilet Sam comes in and greets everyone! He’s talking to Hanna and OF FUCKING COURSE that’s when Jonas and Matteo roll in. Jonas sees Hanna and Sam and legit pulls a Granpa Smpson exit, lmao at Matteo’s exasperated exit after him. Poor Matteo.

Mia and Kiki dance together in the closing moments of the clip, and it’s a fitting ending. Yay, they’re happy again! Truly the next three episodes will only be good times and no more suffering!

Social Media/General Comments:

LMAO, I fucking lost it at all the passive-aggressive Instagram stories that Kiki posted after the dinner from last episode. She tagged only Amira, Hanna, and Sam, not Mia, posting pictures that didn’t include Mia, set to Little Mix’s “Shout Out to my Ex” for that extra bitter flair. Which you know, fits Kiki’s relationship with Alexander, but honestly feels more like Mia is her ex going by the pictures, lol. Then Amira, Hanna, and Sam respond by posting Kiki’s posts WITH Mia, like good lord, the dramaaaaa of it all. I mean, they’re all making a statement, that they’re not ditching Mia, but how must that make Kiki feel? But it’s all so teenage and petty and immature that I love it.

Jonas flakes on Matteo, saying he needs to study, but it’s more like he’s staying home and getting wasted. Matteo is worried and says they barely see each other anymore. Jeez. This is a total reversal of what we’ll likely see in S3, unless they are BOTH total messes in that season. Then it’ll be up to wise men Carlos and Abdi to step up for their bros. We did see Carlos having some sage advice in this episode, so maybe it’s not such a wild idea?

Matteo and Hanna talk later and Matteo lets Hanna know that Jonas isn’t doing well and that he failed a math test. I don’t think it’s Hanna’s duty to fix Jonas’ problems at all, but it’s nice that Matteo and Hanna are talking together and trying to help Jonas.

The other girls were gossiping about Mia and Alex. Amira figured out that Mia probably wasn’t answering because Mia was at Alexander’s place. Sigh, Mia. How long did you think you could keep your relationship a secret? It always gets out, as you just learned last week!!

Kiki posts a LOT of stuff about fake friends on IG after she discovers Mia and Alex together, and it’s pretty juvenile, but you know, hashtag relatable. And understandable. Super teenage.

I like that Amira reached out to Kiki and said she was there if she needed to talk. Kiki has been a shit to Amira on multiple occasions, but Amira remains a true friend. And I hope Kiki keeps this in mind the next time she wants to say something racist or insensitive (not that she would recognize it as such, probably).

Druck gave out hotline information for teenagers after the panic attack clip, encouraging them to talk to someone, which is great. Again, I love how they’re encouraging teenagers not to go through their problems alone, whether it’s through therapy, hotlines, or talking to trusted friends and family.

Amira talked about religious discrimination on Instagram and how difficult it is to get into public service in Germany when you wear a hijab. She’s mentioned this before, when the girls were meeting with career counselors, and I really hope that we somehow get a S4 despite the girls’ graduation so we can get an Amira season. I would love to see her story talk specifically about her ambitions and how she tries to achieve them despite people constantly telling her she won’t be able to make it as a Muslim hijabi. Just send Amira to Australia and she can have a life-changing backpacking adventure. It would be amazing. (Skam never gave us the Evak + boy squad Morocco trip we deserved, so I am down for Druck providing that awesome travelogue content.)

I am not German so please feel free to correct me or clarify me on cultural and language matters.

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

#druck reactions #druck

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bscarz · 6 years

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Bill shows the reader how pleasure can be punishment.

Warning: SMUT.

This is my first piece of writing and I hope you enjoy. Although I am using Bill Skarsgård; this does not represent him personally. Only his looks are being used, the rest is just from my imagination.

Enjoy!

It was only a celebration party with a few of my friends; we were celebrating Stephanie’s bachelorette party. She was getting married in a week and we all went out to the bar to have a few drinks.

I promised my husband Bill that there were no strippers involved, and I wasn’t interested in the idea of male strippers anyway since I wasn’t a fan of being touched, unless it was Bill.

However, the girls had other plans and I ended up at the strip club with the group, watching Stephanie getting a lap dance from a man.

The night was innocent for me, I laughed as I watched my wild friends touch the strippers. Thankfully, I kept myself sheltered with another friend. We drank in the corner, as we laughed at the girls; both of us in committed relationships and not wanting to get involved.

The girls and I ended up going back to Stephanie’s place. I wasn’t drunk but I wasn’t sober enough to drive. Thankfully, Bill promised to pick me up once the Bachelorette party was done.

As his car entered the driveway, my friends rushed out the door to see him. Bill knew all of my friends and got along with them. My friends rushed to his car and blabbed to him about the adventures of the night. Suddenly, Miranda, another friend of mine, mentioned the strip club to Bill. My heart sunk to the bottom of my stomach in fear.

I could see his lips tighten, I knew he was annoyed but he still talked happily with my friends. As soon as they all went back into the house, I quietly sat down in the car, ready to endure the awkward ride ahead.

When I arrived back to our house, Bill took one look at me, a dangerous glint in his eyes. I instantly knew what was going to happen.

“Bill, please, it’s not what you think.” I pleaded.

“I’m not sure what I’m more upset about…” Bill spat as he circled around me, “The fact that you went to a strip club or the fact that you lied about it.”

“I didn’t lie,” I protested. I didn’t know we were going to go…”

“Yet, you still went in. You know I don’t like it. You know I get jealous.”

I looked down in shame. He was right, I could have left when I heard about the change of plans, however, I knew my drunk friends would protest against it. Bill wasn’t a possessive man, he encouraged my independence and got along well with my male friends, however, strippers/male dancers were another story for him- he always thought that they broke the boundaries of intimacy, even if it was just for fun. The truth though, was the fact that Bill was the first one to ever touch me intimately; although I had a couple of boyfriends before marrying Bill, they were short relationships that never got to reach an intimate level. It made Bill feel good to know that he was the only one who ever touched me, and I think he wants to be the last one to ever touch me as well.

“They didn’t touch me, Bill, you know I only liked being touched by you..”

Bill closed his eyes in annoyance, I could see the furrow between his brows and I wanted to kiss his face, I loved him so much and I felt bad for disobeying a rule that we both agreed on; no strippers.

“I want you to… go upstairs and take off all your clothes.” Bill stated, “Lie on the bed and wait for me.”

I rushed upstairs and quickly got rid of my clothes. I could feel the excitement bubble up inside me, even though I was being punished. I did feel a bit anxious about what the night would ensue but Bill was my husband, I trusted him more than anyone and I knew he would never hurt me… without my consent, at least.

After lying on the bed, I began to hear his footsteps. He slowly walked into the room and my heart relaxed, feeling better knowing that he was here. I could see some fabric in his hands and I knew what was going to happen.

He treks forward, eyes never leaving my naked body. He grabs my ankle and slowly wraps the fabric around it, tying it into a knot and connecting it to the bedpost. He follows suit with my other leg until I’m bound. He gently grabs my arms and begins to tie my wrists together. The silk fabric felt good exposed to my naked skin. I needed Bill more than ever, especially when he was wearing all black; his muscles bulging against his black tee. I licked my lips, not daring to divert my eyes away from him.

“You like my touch,” He said, I nodded my head slightly, watching his expressions, trying to read his mind. “I don’t see any use of painful discipline; I don’t think that will have any effect on you tonight…”

He walked around the bed, eyes never leaving my face. “I thought that punishing you would be effective, however, I have a better plan.”

He slowly began to rub his hands together, standing at the edge of our bed. I couldn’t deny the warmth pooling in my stomach. He looked so dominant, however, my heart was beginning to pick up speed at his words. I was unsure of what was going to happen tonight.

“I wish that you had respected my wishes and not entered the strip club.” He said, softly. I felt regretful for my inconsiderate behaviour. I swallowed deeply, feeling remorseful for disobeying my husband.

He walked to the side of the bed and slowly stroked my face, his hand began to run down my chest, stopping at the where I needed him most. His touch felt heavenly, but I couldn’t enjoy it to its full potential, my mind was racing about what he was going to do.

“You are aware of the consequences when you disobey me.” He said, firmly. “However, what you may not know, is that punishment can come in the form of pleasure.”

He slowly lent down and grasped my right nipple into his mouth, kissing it. I moaned at the feeling, slowly rolling my hips.

“Since you’ve defied me, I thought a punishment wouldn’t suffice. I want to try something a bit more… stimulative.” He explained, sardonically.

My eyes widened. Pleasure for punishment? I couldn’t make the connection.

“Don’t get too excited,” He teased, “You’ll begin to understand why I call it a punishment.”

His hand travelled down my body, reaching my sex. I sighed as I felt his touch, relaxing slightly.

He slowly circled my clit, chuckling. “Oh Y/N, the things I’m going to do to you…”

He never stopped making slow loops on my clit. I whimpered at the sensations.

“I want you to listen to me, Y/N.” He began. I opened my eyes and looked at him, acknowledging his presence.

The combination of his piercing eyes and his fingers on my core made me hum, I closed my eyes again and rolled my hips to his touch. I suddenly felt a quick pinch on my left nipple; shooting my eyes open.

“Do I have your attention, baby?” He asked. I nodded quickly, trying my best to ignore his touch.

“The rules tonight are quite simple. You can be as loud as you want, and you can cum whenever you like… and as much as you want to. You do not need to ask for my permission.”

He slowly put more pressure on my clit and I bit my lip, moaning at the friction. I bucked my hips into his hand; wanting him… needing him.

“Am I clear?” He queried. He enjoyed watching me writhe, helpless under his gaze.

“Yes… I understand.” I stammered, feeling an orgasm growing. I was tingling in anticipation.

“Do you enjoy this?” He questioned.

“Oh, God… Yes, don’t stop.” I begged, my breath faltering as I felt myself reach my climax. I moaned his name loudly, breathing heavily.

I tried to wiggle away from his fingers when I realised he kept the pressure on my sensitive clit. Even during my orgasm he didn’t stop making vicious circles.

“I’m really… sensitive.” I explained, feeling the sweat drip down my forehead as I looked to Bill for reassurance, he only chuckled at my statement.

He pushed harder on my clit, finding my most sensitive spot and circling harder, I whimpered, closing my eyes. His other hand began to massage my chest, his rough hands contrasted with my smooth skin, slowly rubbing his finger around my nipples; torturing me.

“Fuck,” I yelped, he rubbed a certain spot on my clit, making me convulse. I could feel my climax again, moaning as my orgasm rushed through my body, however, the pressure never let up.

“Two orgasms, all by me…” He observed. My breathing was out of control as I pleaded with him with my eyes. He eased up a little on my clit but still made sure that there was contact. I could feel my sex burn, it was… frustrating.

“Who’s the only man that can touch you, hm?” He teased, a mischievous glint in his eyes. That asshole was enjoying this…

“You.” I whimpered.

“Who does your pussy belong to?”

“You, Bill.” I squeaked.

He brushed the hair away from my face and leaned in, kissing my lips and then travelling down my neck. His fingers were finally off my core and I sighed in relief. He attached his mouth to my nipple, licking and sucking on it gently. He looked up at me, his long eyelashes accentuating his eyes. He looked so beautiful, and he was all mine.

I had already forgotten that this treatment was supposed to be a punishment. Although I had endured more than one orgasm, I felt content. “Can I touch you?” I asked, wanting to feel my fingers on his skin.

“No.” he answered, sternly. I gasped, shocked by his response.

“This is a punishment; since you went out with male strippers… you will not get the privilege to touch me.”

“But…” I started to protest, but cut myself off when I saw the lethal look on his face.

“I just wanted to make you feel good…” I squeaked.

“If you wanted to make me feel good, then you shouldn’t have disrespected me today. Your actions have consequences for the both of us.”

“I’m sorry…” I responded, closing my eyes in shame.

“I want this to be a lesson, baby. This is what happens when you disobey me…”

He began to kiss my neck again, I relaxed when I felt his touch.

“I’ve learnt my lesson.”

“Oh baby girl, this is just the warm-up.” He teased.

“Oh god,” I whined, his finger finding my clit again. My body begins to tremble at the sensitivity, and I feel frustrated and aroused at the same time. I want him to stop but I enjoy his touch. My face scrunches up in pleasure and agony. I bite my lips, trying so hard to compose myself.

“Please… not again.” I beg when I feel myself getting close to the edge.

He stilled his action and I sighed, happy that he listened to my begging.

He got up from the bed and sank down to his knees, my eyes widened. No… this couldn’t happen. I tried to kick my legs, tried to wiggle away from his face but it was no use; I was stuck.

“Mine.” Bill stated, looking between my legs. I was so frustrated that I couldn’t even begin to feel embarrassed.

I yelped at the sudden contact of his mouth on my core. His tongue licked a stripe up my sex, my legs thrashing at the sensation. My nails sunk into my palms as Bill flicked his tongue up and down my folds, sucking on my clit and making circles with his tongue. His hands reached out to touch my breasts, the overstimulation making me silently scream.

I could feel the tingling in my core spreading throughout my body as I erupted into another shattering orgasm. My toes curled while my limbs stiffened. I was completely intoxicated as waves of pleasure burst through me. The orgasm barely began to subside when another erupted through. Bill never stopped his assault on my tongue, I moaned while I tried to buck my hips away from his tongue, however, it was no use.

“You taste so good but you’re so tense, Y/N. You better relax or I’ll go on until next morning.” Bill demanded. he started leaving a trail of wet kisses on my inner thighs as he attached his mouth to my clit again. I closed my eyes and tried to relax my body.

My body slowly started to relax, even though I was beyond frustrated. I wanted to cry out but it was no use. He kept flicking his tongue against my clit and I was so wet that I could feel myself dripping onto the sheets of our bed.

“Mine.” He spat, as he bit the skin of my inner thigh. I felt one of his long fingers insert inside me and I threw my head back. He returned to licking my clit up and down while he added another finger. He relentlessly pumped his fingers in and out of my entrance while his mouth continued its slaughter on my nub.

I was so overwhelmed by all the sensations, I was thrashing against his hold, my hips bucking towards his mouth, he chuckled at my response, never stopping his fingers or mouth.

Bill laps and sucks even harder on my clit, and I am scared that I cannot breathe. My gasps come out broken and my mouth opens wide, tensing at the familiar feeling that is about to rush through my body. I squeeze my eyes shut, stomach knotting in pleasure, head rolling back as I let out a long shaky moan, feeling my legs tremble as an orgasm rushes through my worn out body.

Bill detaches himself from my body and I am left, a whimpering and trembling mess.

“Please…” I shivered. “I’m done, please… no more.” I cried.

“Have you learnt your lesson?” Bill asked.

“Yes! Yes! Please, I can’t Bill.” I begged.

“Good girl.” He praised, moving away from my body. “But, I think you need more.”

He quickly inserted his fingers inside of me and pumped, one orgasm melted into another and I could not handle it anymore. It was beginning to be too much for me. I knew why this was a punishment, I knew why pleasure could be pain. My muscles were aching, my body was wet with perspiration.

“I love it when you’re cumming for me…”

“No, please…” I screamed as I endured another orgasm. Bill was finally satisfied with my punishment and released his fingers from me. I was shivering and swollen.

He began to untie the restraints as I lay motionless on the bed. He began to massage my wrists and ankles, giving me time to compose myself. He finally gathered me into his arms and held me as I tried to slow my breathing. He knew I was feeling overwhelmed and he patiently waited for me to calm down while he traced his fingers up and down my back, the sensation comforting me.

After a while, I finally calmed down and settled into reality. I moved my head onto his shoulder and looked him in the eyes.

“Bill… I’m sorry for disobeying our rule, I didn’t… They didn’t touch me, it’ll always be you, only.”

Bill tilted his head and tenderly kissed my lips, I knew he forgave me.

“Y/N, I’m sorry if that was too much, I… I got a little caught up.” Bill confessed, his dominating side beginning to subside as he shyly looked at me for forgiveness.

“It’s okay, Bill, I didn’t use the safe word… If it was that bad then I would’ve, but I wanted to show you how sorry I was.”

Bill smiled, “I think I’m the one who needs to be punished now.” He chuckled.

I giggled in response, “Oh Bill, you couldn’t be dominated even if you wanted to.”

“I… I love when you submit to me, I find it so beautiful when you give all of yourself to me… It’s the most beautiful thing in the world… It’s like you’re telling me that you’re mine, that you really love me and trust me.”

I smiled at his response, kissing him hard on the lips. “That’s why I like it when you take control, I trust you and I know that you’ll keep me safe.”

“I love you so much, I hope you know that… I know I said submitting to me shows me your love but I want you to know that I love pleasing you, I love making you feel good, I… love you.”

I giggled at the man holding me, my handsome husband, confessing his feelings; a big contrast from his dominating character from before.

“I love you too, Bill… You’re the only male stripper I need.”

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sharkfish · 7 years

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my favorite destiel fics with less than 500 kudos!!!

here are some fics i love that deserve more recognition!!!

A Change of Scene by SurlyCat

When Dean goes over to see his Dom on Christmas Eve, he isn't expecting Cas to play naughty Santa, and neither of them is expecting how it turns out for them.

A Simple Touch, A Single Look by jujubiest

Something is going on between Dean and Castiel, and Sam is determined to find out what it is. Meanwhile, Castiel puzzles over surprising aspects of his relationship with Dean.

Command Me to Be Well by PorcupineGirl

After the events of Fan Fiction led them to confess their feelings, Dean and Castiel spend their first night together. Dean is thrilled to discover that Cas's interests align nicely with his...

“That is what I what I want, Dean Winchester.” He leaned in until their foreheads were touching, their noses brushing, their mouths a scant half an inch apart. Dean could feel Castiel’s breath on his lips. “To worship you.”

Dances With Bees by shiphitsthefan @shiphitsthefan

There is no First Blade. No Mark of Cain. No Ezekiel or Metatron or Trials or Purgatory. There is Dean, and there is Baby, and there is Cas, and all three are worse for wear.

"In which Dean is not a bee, Cas is not a flower, and the image of Cas' left hand on a radio dial and a hole in the knee of his scrubs will haunt your every waking moment for eternity. YOU'RE WELCOME."―Thank you for helping write the summary, Betty.

Every Last First by Areiton @areiton

Somewhere along the way, Cas stopped being an ally, a friend. Now, he was simply everything.

Heat of the Moment by RipUpTheEnding @ripuptheending

In which Sam plans a family vacation at a horse ranch, Cas gets his first human illness (sort of), and Dean finally pulls his stupid alpha head out of his ass.

How To Repel Ghosts by clockworkrobots

“There's things, there's...people, feelings that I—I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time.”

(A coda for 10.16 and 10.17)

Kisses by Sunflower Beds by fanforfanatic

Cas can’t bring Dean back. But he can’t be without him. So Cas leaves to meet versions of Dean he hasn’t come across before. Dean at three as a snotty toddler. At eight as a grubby child. At fifteen when he's already damaged. Cas travels through time to meet Dean throughout his life, different version of the man and Cas loves every single one.

Like Curving Colour by robotsnchicks @robotsnchicks

Dean should be content with his life. He's almost done with his nursing program, his brother is flourishing at Stanford, and his best friend and roommate, Cas, just scored an apprenticeship under a well known tattoo artist. With everything going so well for both himself and his loved ones, Dean should be ecstatic. And he probably would be, if he could ignore one pesky detail: Dean's hopelessly in love with Cas and has been for years.

Dean determined long ago to keep his feelings to himself. He figures he missed his chance to tell Cas years ago, and at this point their friendship is too valuable to risk damaging. But when a life changing decision arises, Dean discovers that playing his cards so close to his chest could cost him everything after all.

Made Manifest by schmerzerling @pecanpiedean

Wherein Castiel defied God for Dean before Dean even knew his name.

Mysteries. by orange_crushed

But if God is not gone entirely, if God is not blind, then God knows about this, too. He might be the only one who can hear it: the inaudible rumbling in Castiel’s heart, restless and aching like an empty stomach.

Negotiating the Spot by shiphitsthefan @shiphitsthefan

"They lie there in a comfortable silence for a while, Dean on his back with his eyes closed and Cas on his side curled around him. Eventually, Cas’ back starts to hurt, and his arm starts going numb beneath the pillow, squashed by the weight of his head and the odd angle. This is becoming a common problem when they cuddle after sex, and Cas doesn’t understand why."

The wet spot on the bed often poses a problem once the afterglow subsides, but rarely does it offer solutions.

A prequel to Under Honor; Honor-Bound; Until the Stars, but can easily be read as a stand-alone fic.

Once Upon A Dream by jujubiest

Everybody-Dean included-attributes Castiel's awkward staring and lack of appreciation for personal space to his lack of understanding when it comes to humans. Funny thing, though: Cas never invades Bobby's personal space, or Sam's. Why is Dean different? Maybe there's something everyone is missing.

Orange You Glad by shiphitsthefan @shiphitsthefan

Dean hates farmers markets and everything that they stand for. However, following a conversation with a new friend, an aptly-timed epiphany, and some impromptu pie-sharing, Dean's definitely rethinking that opinion.

Perfect Symmetry by FPwoper (dcj) @fpwoper

In which Dean gets drunk and gets lucky. With twins.

Racing (And Other Reasons to Sweat) by Carrieosity (dcj) @carrieosity

Competition and racing are nothing new to Castiel and Jimmy Novak. Since leaving behind college athletics and settling down into jobs and everyday life, though, it's gotten harder to scratch that competitive itch. Now Jimmy's swimming skills and Cas's running abilities have earned unexpected attention, and they've been pressured into creating a triathlon relay team. All they need is a cyclist who can keep up.

Dean is not an "athlete." He's not about to back down from a challenge, though, so he'll do whatever he has to do, as far outside his comfort zone as it may take him. Finding fast new best friends in the Novak twins should make that stretch easier for him, but instead, as he can't help falling in love with not one, but both twins, things just keep getting a whole lot more complicated.

RWND by Bookkbaby

Months after the events of REC, Cas is ready to move forward.

Sleeves by saltyfeathers

The Family Business Tattoo Parlor gets a new customer.

Something Like This by AlizarinDreams

PWP continuation of Missing the Point. Really. That's it.

Steal my Breath by Sincestiel

“Tighter, Dean, please,” Cas urges throwing his head back to rest on Dean’s shoulder. Dean squeezes. He doesn’t know why Cas wants this or even what the appeal is, but he always comes harder when he’s struggling to breathe.

Study Break by relucant @relucant

“Stop whining,” Cas said. “Finish your outline and we’ll go. There’s beer at the apartment. We’ll put on Star Wars and pretend we never set foot in the library over break.”

“Castiel Novak,” Dean said, putting his hand to his heart, “you are the wind beneath my wings.”

“Idiot,” Cas said affectionately, hoping Dean didn’t notice the hot flush creeping up his neck. He snatched his pen back and returned to his paper.

They worked in silence for several minutes, punctuated only by Dean’s occasional groans of boredom. Finally he pushed his laptop away and opened his mouth to complain when another clap of thunder shook the walls, much louder than before, and the lights flickered briefly.

Stupid with a Flare Gun by remmyme @remmyme

“Look,” Dean grits, pinching at the bridge of his nose, “You’ve got a body. Yourbody.” (Castiel, not long ago; “Jimmy…his soul was not returned to me.”) “You’re gonna damn well learn how to use it.” The hunter reaches under the seat to jerk at the lever, sliding back the whole of the front bench and badly startling Castiel with the unexpected jolt of movement. “And, hate to break it to you, but this town’s really not that big. You just got yourself kicked out of the only joint that’s got the professionals at work.”

Dean twists to lean against the car door, pulling up a leg to lay across the seat. The moment stretches, silent and tense.

“I ain’t gonna fuck you,” he says, voice gruff, “but I’ll talk you through it.”

Summer Blue Skies by destimushi (cockles au) @destimushi

“You really should have just given him what he wanted.” The man circled around Jensen leisurely, as if taking a stroll in the park, and stopped right before him. Eyes the colour of a clear summer sky stared back at him. “But...maybe it’s a good thing you didn’t because now I get what I want.”

The mission was to infiltrate. Jensen knew the consequences of capture, and when it happened, he was ready to die for his country. Misha Collins was the master of torture, and it shouldn’t be difficult to hate him, but the interrogator was hot and cold, and Jensen soon found the boundaries between love and hate blurring.

Take Your Time by smallhorizons

Written for bottom!cas Wednesday on Tumblr.

Basically: Dean takes his time opening up Cas with his tongue and fingers before he finally slips inside and gives Cas what he wants.

The Sweetest Taste by habitatfordeanwinchester @cineastette

“I assure you that I can feel and taste things just as well as you can, if not more so.”

“You’ve spent centuries as a, what do you call it, fucking celestial wavelength? You can’t possibly tell me that you think you’re a greater authority on hot chocolate.”

***

In which Dean and Castiel argue about hot chocolate.

to be made of stars by ftera

Castiel Novak is infuriating. He can't finish an art project without making a huge mess, his typically charcoal colored fingers leave smears along household objects, he makes fun of Dean all the time, and he's a perfectionist about everything.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that Dean's in way over his head, because someone like him doesn't deserve someone like Cas.

(Of course, that's not to say it won't stop him from trying.)

It starts out, as most things don't, with a drawing.

Trust Me by Areiton (d2cs) @areiton

“What the hell are they doing here,” Stiles snaps.

“Do you trust me,” Derek asks, squeezing his hand and the tension and anger drains out of Stiles as he licks his lips.

We Love Camp Campbell by feelsnotfeelings

Dean Winchester arrives at Camp Campbell baggage in tow. Freshly dumped and fresh out of rehab, a summer romance is the last thing he needs. Until he meets Castiel Novak.

Featuring: bonfires, movie marathons, nosy coworkers, brotherly bonding, and Jody forcibly pulling Dean’s head out of his ass.

Wordplay by Dangerousnotbroken @dangerousnotbroken

“I don’t understand why talking dirty is such a big deal for you humans,” Cas complains, apropos of nothing.

#sharkrecs #destiel #some of these fics i literally cannot believe how few kudos they have???#like i am super picky about what makes it to my bookmarks list tbh #y'all gotta stop sleeping on these good fics!!!#sharklists

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tryingmywritinggaming-blog · 6 years

Text

A Random Ending Of BATIM Fanfic

Henry was sat at his desk, the small wood surface in front of him still held a thick layer of dust and dried ink despite the recent activity it had seen. The halls were mostly silent, the only noise that dared ring out through the cursed building was the gentile scratching sound of pen on paper. The old man’s hand gracefully drifted the implement across what once had been a blank, pristine piece of paper. Now the square of white held the small image of a familiar looking face. The tiny demon on the page held its drawer in a happy content gaze with a large smile sitting under a pair of blank eyes curled in happiness. Bendy’s design had always been sitting on the fine line between cute and creepy and it was a delicate task of settling his form firmly in the former category rather than the latter. Henry had spent enough hours revisiting the design to ensure that. The smiling demon on the page brought a pang of shame to the one placing it upon the paper, a feeling that he hoped he could dispel soon enough.

When a new sound reached his ears his hand paused for a moment, stalling on the curve of the demon’s right foot for an instant before finishing the limb. The noise was distinct in the otherwise deathly silent studio. First came the sound of something wet hitting the floor with a loud damp thud and was swiftly followed by a long dragging sound. Thud then drag, thud then drag, thud then drag. Slowly but surely the sinister rhythm closed on the man sitting at the desk, the sound itself would have simply been confusing to Henry a few days ago but now, with the knowledge of the sound’s owner, it caused his heart to flicker and stall in terror.

It grew louder and louder as he closed in on the desk, thud then drag, thud then drag, thud. Henry paused, expecting the following drag but when it didn’t come he knew that could only mean one thing, the owner of the sound had reached him and thus had stopped moving. Moving the half-finished drawing to the side Henry took a breath before pausing and turning his chair around. He’d seen the creature’s form more than enough times at this point. Running down the halls of building and chasing him in the darkest of his nightmares when he got the rare chance to rest, but still on coming face to face with the creature his breath hitched in his lungs as if too afraid to leave the safety of his chest and venture any closer to the monster.

The familiarity of it was probably the worst part, the bits of the horrific being in front of him that he could pick out from the original drawings: that large twisted smile that had once held all the innocence in the world; the long lanky limbs that had been stretched from a cute slight chubbiness to disturbing lengths; the pair of horns that now sat uneven in the creature’s head and worst of all, that foot. The limb was twisted, bent at a sickening angle but it was the one part of the monster that Henry had no part in making. For it was part of the man that had once been known as his best friend.

He cleared his throat before talking. “It’s good to see you again Joey.” His voice was shaky with fear and came out uneasy and rough.

“It is good to see you as well.” Joey returned, Henry winced lightly as he could pick out his friend’s voice in the creature’s strangled voice, as if he was talking to him while unseen hands tore at the man’s throat. “This is it Henry. There’s nowhere left to run.”

Setting his classes on the desk behind him before speaking Henry’s words started to find their stride. “I’m done running, its time I faced you and the monster you’ve become.”

“How brave, not a fan of the new me I assume?” He gestured down to his inky form.

“I think you’re…..lost, afraid of what was coming for you. I don’t blame you. I might have done something similar if it was me but I can’t let this continue.”

The creature chuckled. “You can’t stop me.”

“I did once.” Henry replied almost instantly.

Joey paused at that, looking away from his old friend to something of great interest on the wall a bit too his left that apparently was very distracting but was invisible to the other man. “I was…” Another small pause as the words placed themselves in the right order. “A different man back then.”

“We both were.” Henry said, a solemn tone dripping into his voice. “I…I miss who we were back then, I miss who you were.” He took his turn to chuckle. “The innocent young git that threw up on my shoes when I brought him his first beer.” A small smile grew on his face at the memory, his first in a while.

“That’s interesting because…” Almost instantly Joey had closed the gap between them, inky black fingers sharpening into claws that promptly found themselves buried in Henry’s chest. “I don’t miss him at all.” The grin was fully audible in the monster’s voice.

Henry let out a small almost yelp at the point of impact, followed by a grunt which quickly turned into a few loud coughs that brought up a few drops of black ink to his lips. The man managed a pair of shaky breaths before his eyes fluttered closed and he fell still. Joey, still smiling for now, waited until his co-worker’s breathing slowed to a stop before trying to pull his claws from the flesh. The smile faded quickly on finding the simple task impossible to do. He wrenched his arm back a few times but each attempt hit a sudden stop the moment the long digits tried to withdraw so much as an inch out of Henry’s chest.

The monster growled in annoyance as he attempted to simply drag his claws upwards through the other’s torso and out through his shoulder but again found his arm unmoving. All the attempt did was pop one of the buttons on Henry’s heavily stained shirt, showing the flesh underneath and something else that caused a loud gasp to escape his killer. Moving the shirt to the side gave the view of Henry’s full chest and the pentagram that the artist had carved into it where Joey’s fingers now lay, perfectly within the boundaries of it. “Very clever Henry.” Joey spoke with a snarl. “But you can’t keep me stuck here just with that.”

He drew his other arm back, if removing his hand from the symbol was out of the question the just carving the chunk of skin out of the other would be second best solution. Though just before the other limb could start on the task of ripping the corpse to bits something grabbed hold of it. Joey’s head snapped back to look at the source of the other obstruction, finding a searcher standing just behind him with its hands tightly grasping his wrist. “Get off.” He growled, wrenching his arm back. The weak ink form held as best it could but soon the difference in strength broke its grip. Joey’s arm snapping back and smashing into the desk Henry had been sitting at, sending bits of paper and pens scattering across the floor. There was a heavy thud as a tape recorder hit the ground that had been on the edge of the desk and static filled the hall as the device started playing its tape’s contents.

“Recording start. Well Joey, this is it. If you are hearing this then it means you have ended me and in doing so you have doomed yourself.” It spoke, undoubtedly Henry’s voice playing through it. “I understand why you did what you did, you were scared of the fate that awaited you but the actions that you have taken and the suffering that you have brought in your attempts to avoid your end has only bound you to a far worse conclusion. I am sorry but I must be the one to send you to it.”

The monster listening, anger flaring and just before he made up his mind on smashing the small device to bits his gaze caught sight of another searcher joining the first and another and another. Soon a small group of them were flooding into the hallway, all looking blankly at him. For the first time in a few years Joey felt an assault of fear run through his form.

The tape continued. “I have sat here studying your writing and scribblings for hours on end, they are confused, insane and clearly the fabrication of a mad man but yet I have seen the logic in your madness and now I know how to beat you and undo what you have done. The symbol I have placed in my own chest is based off of the circle you used to bind Bendy and on touching my blood and the symbol he will no longer be bound to you but instead to me and on my passing he will be free. You on the other hand will be cut off from your vessel and no longer able to uphold your end on the unholy deal you struck with the creature that dwells in that god forsaken pit. And I know this, he will be quick to collect.”

The searcher’s surged forward, piling over one another to get to Joey and, on reaching him, took hold of any part of his form they could. Their dark inky hands starting to melt into his body and gripped onto something below the surface. Fruitlessly the artist kicked and punched at them, but for each one he destroyed or sent flying four more seemed to take its place and the numbers only grew and grew. Soon a dozen or so had a hold of him and they changed from trying to get a hold of him to pulling. The crowd of creatures starting to pull with all their might away from where henry sat, where Joey’s arm was still trapped.

“A dark pit has opened up for you, darker than anything that could possibly exist in the thoughts of a sane man, where your torment and punishment lies ready for you.”

There was a loud snapping sound as blank ink gave way to soft pink flesh, the monstrous form of Bendy starting to open and tear as the man beneath it was torn away. Joey’s body was weak and withered from going so long without proper use and with each inch the human left the ink the easier it got for the rest of him to slip free. Soon Joey’s body left its unholy form, which collapsed into nothing but a large puddle in front of Henry. The searcher’s wasted no time and in silence efficiency started to drag the human away.

“Go now to your fate with dignity and grace. It is a place you have constructed with the sins you have made and the abominations you have created out of once good people. You stole their souls and I hope they can now find peace with you gone. Goodbye old friend. Recording end.” And with that the tape fell silent.

Joey did not mimic the muting of the device. “Damn you Henry, damn you to the darkest pit of hell! Burn for eternity in the dark void of his kingdom!” He yelled, kicking and flailing as hard as he could against the searchers. More and more started to grab hold of him, almost every part of his body soon found itself in their grasp as they dragged him down the halls towards the ink machine. The man’s yelling and swearing soon gaze way to pleading and screaming on seeing the infernal machine.

The ink machine creaked and groaned as a long crack grew across its shape, with a loud exhale the crack grew and grew and like a large mouth it split fully open. Slowly it opened wider and wider, an upper and lower jaw peeling away from each other. Long shards of metal breaking from the machine’s form to create long crooked and bent teeth, parts of them starting to melt into ink as if the thought of its first meal caused the contraption to salivate. Metal started to bend and break on the sides to form a pair of long curled horns as the top of the machine burst a blob of ink out from its welding, the spray of ink falling to form a perfect pentagram atop the metal monstrosity.

“No. No. Nonono.” Joey yelled as the searchers started to funnel into the gaping maw of the machine, sinking into the ink as if dissolving into nothing on reaching the back of its throat. Joey let out a few feeble attempts to crawl away, each with no success. Slowly but surely he was pulled further and further into his creation and the instant his form fully entered its mouth the jaws slammed shut so quickly only another short yell could be heard from him before they closed.

There was a single beat of silence, seeming almost tranquil for such a hellish place. Before the machine let out another groan and it started to simply fall apart. Bolt turned to ink, welding came apart as if it simply didn’t exist, supports cracked under their own weight and the machine that had brought so much pain, ruined so many lives and brought about the end of so many good people simply buckled under the weight of its creator’s sins. Metal turned to liquid, plated parts turn to puddles and soon all that was left of the hellish contraption was a large black spot of ink in the middle of a barren room.

It was a while before time seemed to start again for the studio, the first tiny movements coming from the small puddle sitting by Henry’s form. A small white gloved hand rose from the black liquid and intertwined its fingers with the limp digits of the deceased artist and used the grip to pull the body connected to the tiny limb out of the ink. As the puddle slowly shrank the form of Bendy, as Henry had intended it, rose and took shape. The moment the small demon got fully to his feet his small legs buckled and he fell to his knees. Burying his face into the artist’s palm as his form shook with grief.

Slowly the light patter of tiny ink droplets started to drift through the halls. Against the silence they were as loud as the world coming to an end and the sobs coming from the small cartoon character would have broken even the strongest and most resilient hearts. “Dad. Please don’t go. Dad please, please, please don’t go.” Bendy sobbed heavily between the words, his breath finding it hard to find any sort of rhythm. “Daddy please!” He half yelled, nuzzling the unmoving hand in his grip. “Don’t go.”

“Bendy.” A voice came, the demon’s head shooting up and turning to the source of the word. Finding a small tape recorded, the same one Joey had knocked to the floor, still playing its tape. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you from him all those years ago, so I’m going to save you now. It will come at a great cost to myself, but I have seen enough in these last few days to know that you have been through far too much for my concerns on my own fate to stop me from doing what must be done. I have..” The tape paused as the past Henry struggled to find the words, Bendy moved away from the hand he’d been gripping and sat in front of the recorder, black tears flowing freely as he did so. “I have many regrets right now but my main one is that will not be able to show you world, that I will not be able to see you play and smile and grow as once wished I could. I am sorry that you had to see the worst part of humanity so soon into your life and I can only hope that our kindness, our hope and our joy finds its way to you. I have one to ask of you, find Boris, Alice and the others and please take them from this place. They are lost, confused and probably scared. They need you to help them find themselves once more and for you to guide them out of this hell on earth. This studio once filled my life with joy and happiness but such emotions can no longer live here and this is no place for anyone who has even the smallest shred of goodness in them.”

The tape paused again and Bendy dwelled on it. His memories of his time here were blurred images of pain and hopelessness. Henry was right, this wasn’t a place for anyone to be trapped in regardless of who or what they were. The loss of Joey’s influence would have no doubt sent shockwaves through them all and they would need help finding their way back out of the depts. He wiped his eyes and nose, both leaking black ink in sorrow, as the tape continued. “Bendy…Ben. I am sorry that there is no time for us to talk, maybe one day but not any day soon I am sorry to say. So let you tell you this. I am so sorry for how your life has started but know that regardless of how you continue your journey through this world I will watch over you with love for who you and pride for all the things you do. I’ve left a second tape for you, it’s all I can think of doing right now in the short time I have left. Goodbye for now Bendy, my son.” And with that and a soft click the tape came to an end and the only sound was once again the small sobs of the demon sitting alone in the studio.

It was some time before he moved, a gloved hand searching the desk beside him and soon finding the tape Henry spoke of. It was a small simple thing with ‘For Bendy’ written on it in small neat hand writing. Bendy placed the first tape beside the player and with more care than he had ever done anything with before placed the second tape in the player and pushed the play button.

The sounds of Henry moving around played through the device before he cleared his throat and spoke. “I’m sorry if I sound a bit rough, I haven’t done this in a long time.” Bendy’s look of sadness gave way to confusion for a moment before it flickered back to the former as his creator started to sing. It was rough and mostly out of tune but to the demon it was like a perfect symphony composed by the greatest musician ever to exist. As he sang Bendy stood, picked up the tape recorder and with a deep breath started to make his way out of the hall and towards the music department. His mind setting on finding the others and leaving this place together as his father had asked him.

Authors note:

Its been ages since I’ve written...well anything. I just randomly got inspired to do this and hear it is. Hope you enjoyed and have a nice day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ag8mgowTHPE Henry’s singing this on the tape by the way

#BATIM #bendy and the ink machine #bendy the dancing demon #batim henry #batim joey #joey drew #Batim fanfic #fanfic #tw: death #tw: blood #tw: violence #tw: body horror

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agirlinjapan · 7 years

Text

Red Data Girl: World Heritage Girl (Week 24)

Red Data Girl: World Heritage Girl By Noriko Ogiwara A Translation

Miss the last piece? Read it here!

Check out the RDG Translation twitter!

It’s funny how I can get so much translation done one week and then nothing done the next. As spring draws closer, all of my final work as a grad student and a student teacher is beginning to start. It feels like I was just talking about school applications a month or two ago but in reality that was a year ago! Now I’m starting to think about job applications (something I’m terrified about btw).

Earlier this week, I saw that a reader had some questions about when I use last names versus first names for the characters in RDG. As you probably know, I try to make this translation as accessible to an English speaking audience as possible. For the most part, this just means I have characters address each other by their first names even though they use last names in the original text. (Japanese and English cultures differ on how to respectfully/politely address people.) With this said though, you may notice that there are some exceptions to my rule, specifically Hayakawa, Ryougoku, Wamiya, and Takayanagi.

Why do I use Yoshiki Hayakawa’s last name?

He was originally introduced with just his last name. We learned his first name about a page later but for some reason, his last name kind of just stuck with me. Seeing as Izumiko and co don’t know him very well, I think it’s okay for them to call him by his last name. Still, if I were to revise this translation in the future, I might use his first name instead. For now though, he will remain Hayakawa.

*Side note, I’d say Hoshino and Okouchi also fall into this category but their first names are never actually mentioned in the text so I don’t even have the option of using them.--That’s why they’re not getting their own question/answer here.

Why do I use Mizuhiko Ryougoku’s last name?

I don’t really have an explanation for Ryougoku. Earlier in the translation I think I was a bit more wishy-washy with first and last name use when it came to secondary characters so I’ll admit Ryougoku’s a bit of an inconsistency. Like with Hayakawa, I might change the name I use for him to Mizuhiko if I were to revise the translation in the future.

Why do I use Satoru Wamiya’s last name?

Wamiya’s always been a little... unusual, don’t you think? Using his last name seemed appropriate to me, especially with how he appeared out of no where in Izumiko’s middle school class and then disappeared just as quickly. Calling him by his last name adds to that air of mysteriousness.

Why do I use Ichijo Takayanagi’s last name?

There’s just something about calling an antagonist by their last name. It gives you that delicious tingle down your spine when used dramatically. Think Malfoy in Harry Potter. It almost gives off an iconic sort of feel like you don’t even have to use his name to know who you’re talking about.

In general, please remember that I’m just an amateur translator who’s doing her best. Translation is hard and there’s always more than one “right” way to translate something, especially when culture gets thrown into the mix. Feel free to ask questions about my translation choices. I’m happy to explain my thinking.

Red Data Girl: World Heritage Girl By Noriko Ogiwara Chapter 4: Boundary Part 1 (2 of 3)

Izumiko didn’t have a chance to talk to Mayura in Class 1-A until long after school had ended. But when Mayura came to find Izumiko at sunset, the expression on her face was especially serious.

“Can I pull you aside for a minute? Before you go off to student government?”

Izumiko, who had been working on Class C’s festival preparations, nodded. She quickly wiped her hands off and followed Mayura. The girl led them up the central stairs all the way to the third floor where she brought them into the social studies material room.

The Japanese history club was gathered there.

Izumiko had been invited to the club’s gatherings before summer break but she had never attended. Although she had joined the club of her own free will, she didn’t have a regular place in the group.

As the only female member (besides Mayura), there was clearly a large wall between her and the others. She really didn’t know if it was truly okay for her to be working in the Japanese history club, which secretly ran as the MSF, the Mayura Souda Fan Club. Besides Mayura and Miyuki who were partial members like herself, the only person in the group she had really talked to was Mizuhiko Ryougoku, the president of the group.

“Why are we here?”

“I bet you’ve heard the stories about the ghost pictures too,” Mayura answered tightly at Izumiko’s question. “Photography is Ryougoku’s specialty so I asked him to give me a detailed analysis of a few ghost shots he’s taken. He’s also going to give us a look at the pictures he took the other day.”

Izumiko was instantly impressed. If she could think on the same level as Mayura, she was sure she would never make a mistake. She had been thinking about the ghost photos all day. Her anticipation rose.

“Oh, right. That’s a good idea. I wanted to see them, too.”

“It’s understandable to be skeptical of ghost pictures taken with low resolution cellphone cameras,” Mayura said as she moved away from the door. “But on the other hand, the more ghost pictures that are taken on high quality cameras, the more you have to wonder about the digital processing…”

The material room looked like a dim storehouse. Not only were there steel shelves piled high with all sorts of things up against the walls but there were more in the middle of the room, obstructing the lights on the ceiling. It wasn’t a particularly inviting place. Still, there was a long, narrow space in the room where a number of male students were standing with their backs to Mayura and Izumiko. They were enthusiastically gazing at a large, flat screen TV which had been mounted to the wall. It looked like it was connected to a laptop which was being used to display pictures on the larger screen. While it was hard to make out with all the people in the picture, it appeared that the photo had been shot near the high school building.

“Sorry to keep you waiting. Izumiko came with me too.”

Hearing Mayura’s announcement, Ryougoku and the other boys who had been looking at the screen turned to look at them all at once. Regardless the fact that Izumiko was part of their club, the business like greeting that the boys gave them made her bow her head in an apology for interrupting them. Her response was also a result of not coming to their meetings.

Miyuki was standing in the group.

As one of the club members, it was technically unsurprising that he would be there. It seemed like he was examining the picture as well. Izumiko quickly steadied herself so that no one saw her instant reaction. She hadn’t been prepared to see him. Miyuki looked content to be at the edge of the group, not bothering to move any closer to the two girls.

Mayura did not react much to seeing Miyuki there. It was almost as if the conversation between them had never taken place. Miyuki was not high up in the MSF’s hierarchy and as a result, she could not show more familiarism to him than to the rest of the club with the other boys here. Even Izumiko understood that rule. The fact made her feel better about not wanting to talk to him in the clubroom.

Miyuki didn’t do anything to draw attention to himself either. It was clear to see that he held a less important role here than he did in the student government but he didn’t look particularly upset about that. He compartmentalized the behaviors he used in the two different clubs.

Ryougoku licked his lips and said, “I’ve been looking into your request. I ran into a bunch of unexplainable things. They’re enough to worry me a little.”

“What worried you?” Mayura asked.

“Too many things to count. I have to wonder why I’ve taken so many pictures with ghost-like aspects in them all of a sudden.”

“I had the same thought. Where are the ghost pictures?” Mayura questioned, gazing at the flat screen. It showed a picture of Hayakawa in his tall, golden samurai helmet, surrounded by students. Mayura nor Izumiko was anywhere to be seen in the shot. Izumiko was secretly relieved.

“Once a person has seen one picture of a ghost, they tend to start finding more and more everywhere they look, I guess…”

Shrugging, Ryougoku brought a finger up to the screen. Seeing as the image was not being projected, the shadow of his finger did not obstruct what was being shown beneath it. Izumiko was glad of this.

“…This student standing in the back. Look. Isn’t he weird? The colors in the photo probably got messed up when I took it thanks to that gaudy golden helmet but the student has both his hands in his pockets, right? There’s no way he could be holding onto the shoulder of the student next to him…”

The hand on the shoulder in question looked like the real thing. However, the angle in which it was positioned made it impossible that it could have belonged to any of the students behind the one with the hand on his shoulder.

“Could it be an optical illusion?”

“I considered that as well.”

Ryougoku showed them the other photos he had looked at. One at a time, they appeared on the screen. Many of them contained unearthly white lights and humanoid shadows. There were also a number of instances where human faces appeared in unexpected places around the assembly hall such as on the walls and the floor.

There were also some pictures that contained Izumiko and Mayura but they were only in the background and they didn’t show up that often. The strange thing was that the anomalies seemed to appear much more frequently around the students that had gathered around the models than near the models themselves.

Until now, Izumiko had never once seen a photo of a ghost in her life.

She acknowledged that the photos in front of her now were indeed those of ghosts but she still hadn’t heard an explanation for why they were even there for her to see. The lights and shadows in the pictures were strange and she got a bad feeling when she looked at the warped faces and other ghostly forms. It still wasn’t enough to make her heart freeze up in fear though.

It’s much scarier when something that should be in a picture doesn't show up than when something that shouldn’t be there does, Izumiko thought. She considered the case of the cellphone picture Miyuki had taken of the exchange student, Ricardo.

Compared to the memory of that terrifying time, the uproar around these ghost pictures felt like a game or even a stretch of the imagination.

The rest of the boys in the room were also calm. They were testing students’ claims of having taken ghost pictures and considering whether or not they were the real thing. However, just like Karin, they were not one hundred percent convinced of the whole situation.

“Out of all the supposed ghost pictures, I can’t say at this moment what percentage are real,” Ryougoku said seriously, sounding like an analyst. “It’s clear that some of them are authentic though. But with that said, there’s a good chance that more photos will show up for a while. Plenty of photos were taken that day at the lecture.”

Mayura asked an important question.

“Are there any ghosts in the pictures you took, Ryougoku?”

“I don’t think so,” he replied, his expression sour. “However, lots of people have shown them to me. Some people will find ghosts in anything. You could say they have ‘ghost vision.’ Once they see a ghost just one time, anything even slightly out of the ordinary becomes connected to ghosts.”

The vast majority of Ryougoku’s photos were candid, close-up shots of Mayura and Izumiko. Despite the way they had been taken, they were all, as expected from Ryougoku, beautifully shot. He had used the elegant screen that had been brought into the hall for the occasion as a backdrop. Because of the screen, the other high school girls that had been surrounding them were not visible. The results were probably also to do with the quality of the camera and Ryougoku’s handy work.

While the photos were being projected onto the TV screen, the other members of the club pointed out possible ghostly images, saying things like, “there’s a face here.” However, everything they said was in quiet jest. Ryougoku alone glared at them in indignation.

Izumiko didn’t find her close up particularly embarrassing. Strangely enough, she felt comfortable looking at it. The person in the photo looked so other to her that it didn’t even feel like it was cosplay. The girl in the princess outfit didn’t look like her mother, Yukariko either. She looked like someone she had never seen until now.

Izumiko might not have liked pictures of herself being shown to people, but Mayura was fine with it. That was the way she had always been. Even when the candid shots of her had been sold throughout the school like pictures of an idol, she hadn’t really cared.

Mayura was not modest. That much was true. But at the same time, unlike most girls, her attractiveness never seemed to be the most important thing on her mind even though anyone could take her picture and she would never have to worry about it how it came out.

After looking at her close up picture for a moment, Mayura said plainly, “I second your opinion, Ryougogku. I don’t think there are any ghosts in your pictures. Everyone, don’t joke about this. Ryougoku’s photos are the best shots from the lecture.”

“Do you think so?”

Ryougoku’s expression dissolved into a smile. His round face looked happy.

“If that’s the case, you’ll be okay with me printing this picture out, right?”

“If you tell me how you’re planning to use it, that’s fine.”

As Mayura answered Ryougoku’s question, someone mumbled, “I bet he’s going to use it as a good luck charm.”

Everyone laughed. As Izumiko laughed though, she felt impressed. Being able to draw reassurance from Mayura’s photo was a good way of expressing how much strength the other girl had.

Mayura ignored the chatter and continued on briskly.

“Are these all the photos we should look at? What does everyone think about ghost pictures being so popular right now?”

A few opinions were voiced. In the end, everyone seemed to agree that someone had probably started a rumor and then everyone else had gone along with it. Ryougoku had the most thought out opinion in the group.

“I feel it’s more likely that most of the students here at our school think they’re seeing ghosts in the pictures they take, not that there’s actual ghosts in those pictures. If you think about it that way, isn’t this more of a question of human psychology? The atmosphere of our school has completely changed because of all this. Everyone’s more than ready to accept any suggestion of a ghost they find. I think that’s the real problem here.”

Mayura nodded quickly.

“You’re right. Thanks so much. You’ve helped a lot.”

Keep reading!

#red data girl #rdg #rdg 4 #rdg world heritage girl #rdg 4 week 24 #translation

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