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#arc i need a drink so badly

poke-irs-real · 10 months

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i think i get an award for being the first of yinny's kids to be disowned

#arc i need a drink so badly #or a cigarette #both are good #internposting #got kicked out of the rotomblr house. damn

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saintship · 9 months

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Could I request a fic for konig (and/or anyone in the 141) (whoever you think fits the best).

One where the reader has an eating disorder that she's been hiding for a while and the team is starting to notice.

Eventually they confront her and she tries to defend herself but only makes it worse. Saying stuff like she knows her limits now and explaining how it doesn't really hurt that bad to purge since she figured it out.

Like she's trying to comfort them but is only making it so much worse. I need my angst + comfort

I decided on Ghost because there’s a lot of König’s big ass on my blog

WARNING: potentially triggering content for people suffering from restrictive/bulimic eating disorders

This hits close to home, and v accurate to how a confrontation like this can go, I hope you’re alright ml

You’re not fine - Simon Riley x Reader, 141 & Reader

You had a love-hate relationship with little celebrations like these; you liked talking with everyone, and you also liked that it was held at the base, so you didn’t have to worry yourself watching your back. But with celebrations, there will be alcohol, and then food, and then inebriated recruits spewing whatever comes to their mind. One in particular you were sat near was especially vocal, swinging his glass in arcs as he grumbled on and on. Many of his words were nonsense, their only repercussion being the drunk giggles of his friends.

You sat up a bit straighter when he leaned closer.

“Oi, I hate these, you want it?” He murmured, gesturing to the cherry adorning his drink. You looked away a bit, shaking your head.

“Why? You was eatin’ them before..”

“I had enough.”

He only grinned. “What, you think a cherry will make you fat or something?”

Your silence only amused him more.

“Aw, you starve yourself, lovie?” He laughed loud and bright, like what he’d suggested was the most amusing thing he’d ever thought of. His friends didn’t miss it either, now cooing comments and non-questions in your direction that made your head spin.

It wasn’t until you pushed yourself to your feet and made a break for the door that you clocked the eyes behind Simon’s mask, following you carefully. The embarrassment flashed through your mind, but you continued, leaning against the outside wall where people came to smoke or grope each other in the lamplight. You felt the cherry on your tongue, your stomach beginning to flip before you gathered yourself. You were in control. A sharp pain sliced through your gut. You’d been able to walk the line of hiding your self torture until now; if someone walked up to you, there was no way you’d play it off. You were in control. Everything is under..control.

You thought about going back inside, just eating the stupid cherry and getting rid of it in the common room bathroom. But you were tired, and the only 141 member inside seemed to have a habit of burning holes in your back, so what was the point? Going back to your barracks seemed best. Walking by the front entrance again, Ghost pushed open the door simultaneously.

“Oi.”

You stopped and turned; Ghost rarely incited conversation. He approached you, scanning around the grounds as he walked. He seemed to be searching for the right words, a quiet grunt escaping him before he spoke.

“What’s wrong with you? You’re acting..” he gestured with his hand vaguely, his eyes glowering with suspicion.

“Acting what?”

He dropped his hand. “Off.”

When you didn’t reply, he sighed. “Look, I’m not good with this shit, yeah? If something’s wrong, I’ll only catch it once. So what is it?”

Your heart ached. You wished so badly there was a way to brush him off and reinforce his compassion at the same time. But there wasn’t.

“I’m okay, really.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Sergeant.”

His reply made you blink, but your head still shook for the negative. “I’m fine.”

“You-"

“Goodnight, Ghost.”

Your tone only registered in your mind when you’d walked ten paces away from him. Simon Riley had just mustered up the courage to show a bit of concern, and you’d fucked it up. It would take a miracle for him to show vulnerability like that again. Your exhaustion urged hot tears to run down your cheeks, your skin heating up with shame and embarrassment. You didn’t get a wink of sleep.

The next morning it was pouring rain, and your walk to the med bay left you completely soaked by the time you opened the door to your office. The cold and discomfort of wet clothes were dull in your mind; all that played in your head was the encounter from the night before. The unit was empty other than resident patients, the rest of the staff likely at the mess hall. By noon, you were dry and warm, but every knock at your door made you jump. Just as you tried to convince yourself that you were being paranoid, your pager buzzed. Price’s voice rang clear.

“My office. Now, unless someone’s dying.”

Another day, you would have huffed a small laugh at his bluntness, but now, your anticipation weighed heavy on your chest.

Jogging through the rain again to the main building, scenario after scenario ran through your mind. Ghost outranked you, and you’d brushed him off without a glance behind you. You’d never had a charge of insubordination, ever. You admired and cared for your superiors in a way you hadn’t expected, and with that, there was never a time mouthing off even crossed your mind.

You lowered the hood of your rain jacket carefully as you eased Price’s door open, seeing it was already ajar.

Your heart sank through the floor when you saw Price’s expression, and then further some when you looked around the room. Soap, Gaz.. and Ghost.

“Is this an intervention?”

Your joke was met with a downcast silence, as Price rose from his desk chair. “Sit.”

He walked past you to shut the door gently, leaning on its surface. You obeyed his request, settling into a chair near his desk.

“Sergeant..you know that you’re cared for here, right?”

You blinked, glancing at Gaz and Soap. The two of them were so rarely serious that their concerned expressions were distracting.

“Uh..yes. Yes, sir.” You murmured.

“Since we care for you, we notice when you’re not all there. Isn’t that right?” The squad nodded, and you wished for a sinkhole to pull you into the center of the earth.

“Ghost. Why don’t you explain why we’re here?”

You couldn’t look at him, but you felt his eyes.

“You ran off last night. And I know it wasn’t cause of that daft recruit.”

The wood panels of Price’s floor were faded with a worn path of heavy boots. Gaz stepped a bit closer.

“We just don’t want you to be doing anything that’ll hurt you, love.”

You didn’t look up.

“Why would you think that?”

The sound of shifting weight was all that answered at first. Soap’s gentle voice filled the small space.

“You’re not eating, lass.”

Your eyes finally found their way upward out of surprise. “That’s what this is about?” You look around; no one’s expression had shifted. “I’m fine.”

“You’ve skipped every weigh in the last three months.” Price folded his arms.

“I’m a medic, I was busy! I think I would know if I had a problem.”

“So why do you drink your calories? Why do you work through mealtimes?” Ghost’s tone became a bit firmer.

“We’re just a tad worried-"

“There is nothing to worry about!” You interrupted Soap, making Gaz back up a pace. “I know my limits, I know how to do it right. I don’t need a lot.”

Price’s head tilted. “Sergeant..”

“I know how to do it right.” You repeated, a trembling hang raking through your hair.

“Do what right?” Gaz’s question hung heavy in the air.

“It doesn’t hurt anymore, I-I figured out how to..you know, purge. Correctly.”

“What?” Price pushed off the door, standing closer.

“It’s fine!” Tears pricked at your eyes.

“No, it’s not.” Gaz’s voice was low with emotion, his eyes following you as you got to your feet.

“I’m fucking fine!”

“Sergeant, lower your voice.” Price’s order silenced you, a tear escaping down your face.

“It’s—I have it under control..” your voice wavered.

Soap sighed. “That’s not how it works-"

You wiped your tears angrily, irritating the skin that was already warm with embarrassment.

“What do I have to do to convince you that I am fi-"

Ghost’s arms were around you. The rest of the room was silent. Your eyes were closed. You cried into his vest. He smelled like smoke.

“You’re not fine.” His voice was softer than you’d ever heard it.

“I’m sorry..I’m sorry..”

“Oh, love..” Gaz hand was warm on you shoulder.

“Nothing to be sorry for.” Soap assured. Ghost’s gloved palm stroked your back.

A different hand laid on your other shoulder, and you turned you head to see Price lean to your level.

“You’re not alone, soldier.”

That night, the entire team accompanied you to dinner. They made sure to tell you that even if you couldn’t stomach anything, just being there made them proud. Proud that you could face this disease that would follow your every step, and that you trusted them to walk alongside you. Ghost excused himself for a smoke, and you followed him out where he stood in the night air. The cicadas were chittering incessantly, but the breeze was nice. You stood by his side for a few moments before speaking.

“You called the meeting.”

He held his balaclava away from his face slightly with a thumb, exhaling a breath of smoke.

“I did.”

Your heart hammered in your chest.

“Thought you’d be angry with me for brushing you off like that.”

His head shook slowly. “No.” He breathed a sigh of the fresh air. “You’re not the snippy type. Something was off. So I went to the people who deal with that sort of thing better than I can.”

You eyed him. “Why do you always end with that?”

He glanced back, but continued to toe at the gravel.

“What do you mean?”

“You say you’re not good with this sort of thing. But you are.”

His brow furrowed. “M’not.”

“When I walked away from you, you could have just decided I was a dick and moved on, but you didn’t.”

His head shook again. “I had to get backup.”

“You knew who to put in that room.”

“Because I couldn’t do it alone.”

“You hugged me.”

Your shoes turn toward him, the glow of the entrance light glancing off the woven fabric covering his face.

“When I was freaking out, you steadied me. It really helped..” your admission suddenly embarrassed you, and you looked at your feet the moment he brought his eyes forward.

“Doesn’t mean I’m good at this.”

“You’re good to me.”

He blinked. “Am I?”

“You’re good to the team. Good to your trainees.” Looking up into his eyes, the apprehension there was gut wrenching. “I’ll tell you every day if that’s what it takes for you to believe it..”

“Sergeant..”

“It’s true. You make me want to be better.”

Ghost shifted on his feet. “I just want you alive.”

You cracked your first smile in weeks. “You make me want to be that, too.”

He gazed at you a bit longer before outstretching an arm, pulling you into his chest while taking another drag with his other hand. Your smile stayed as you leaned into his coat, the warmth radiating from him making your heart swell. The gratitude you felt that Simon Riley was letting you be so close to him was exhilarating. He rubbed your back as he’d done in the office, but out here, where it was just you, Simon, and the cicadas, it was just better.

#cod requests #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty #cod mwii #simon ghost riley #cod mw2 #call of duty mw2 #captain john price #john soap mactavish #simon riley x reader #simon riley x gn reader #simon riley #ghost x gn reader #ghost x reader

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starpeace · 1 year

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here for the mandalorian rant ☕️

um well the first episode of the brand new season of disney+’s flagship star wars show was entirely... filler. the dialogue was incredibly bad, not even written badly but as if no-one had written it at all. entirely flat and devoid of life, in a show with a faceless protagonist whose dialogue literally has to carry all the weight. din continues to have no opinions, no emotion and nothing to say

as for the plot, what even happened in this episode? we open with the mandalorian covert ritually giving a child their helmet, but this is not explored at all, it’s only there to be interrupted with a giant monster fight for absolutely no reason, as if this show has been written by six-year-old me livening up clicking my barbies together by grabbing my toy dinosaurs. din has conversations with the armourer and bo-katan purely to rehash the information we’ve already been given, partly because half of it was in a bad show the casual audience won’t have watched. neither of these characters is doing anything.

din visits greef karga, who is now discount lando “gone respectable” but instead of having personality he’s just really into gentrification and this is presented completely uncritically. din, a character most charming for being the beaten up mercenary underdog of the galaxy, suddenly hates pirates and disorder (well, hates would imply he shows emotion—dislikes pirates and disorder? is mildly perturbed by pirates and disorder?), and pals around with high magistrates who offer him a position as a cop/landed gentry (they actually use the words “landed gentry”). there’s a couple of meaningless unfunny comic relief scenes because this is all that grogu is here for now, complete with a reference to, of all things, the rise of skywalker. in what is apparently the main plot of the episode, which is, i repeat, the first episode of the brand new season, din takes up a fetch quest to get a random droid part for an absolutely laughable reason that does nothing but completely negate a character arc from season 1 and everything we have been shown since, just reminding you that not even death will be allowed to have emotion or narrative weight, or prevent disney from dragging back onto your screen anything that will sell. he doesn’t actually do this fetch quest, btw, he just gets given it, because apparently we have to do multiple episodes of this

did i get everything? was that the whole episode? oh wait there was the fight with the pirates in space. i forgot it because there was zero tension. those pirates also earlier wanted to... have a drink in a school with greef, i guess, in a completely baffling scene? i can’t imagine there was any point to this pirate bit except to put fight scenes into this filler episode and force the visual effects people to carry the entire lumbering weight of this show. one has to assume that otherwise the pirates would have had personalities or motivations. oh, also purrgils appeared in this episode, because this is the Star Wars Cinematic Universe, and you’d better watch all the interconnected shows so all your beloved characters can eventually come together to swap lifeless quips on screen, just like you always wanted.

a droid drops a statue’s head on top of a murder droid to stop it, purely so din can say, “now that’s using your head.” if you were wondering what i meant about the dialogue.

i don’t even need to get into the politics of the story they’re telling. i don’t need to humiliate it further by comparing it to andor. it’s just bad to watch on a basic technical fundamental level, and it’s not headed anywhere better, because they will be churning out this story for cash forever with no goal or meaning, under circumstances where i cannot seriously even imagine caring about star wars anymore. hope this helps!

#the mandalorian spoilers #the mandalorian #yeah i’ll main tag this i don’t care about anything

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chawarin-panich · 8 months

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Ray's mother, music and the barriers to his heart that Sand must overcome

TW: discussion of suicide This is building upon the shorter meta I wrote here about the Micro song that plays during Ray's suicide scene. The parallels between Ray's arc in falling for Sand and Mew are so overt that I was completely overlooking the person that Sand is really up against in Ray's wounded heart and who, I believe Mew is ultimately a proxy for - his dead mother. I go into a little bit about how Sand's affection for Ray can sometimes read as familial here and I think it's quite readily noticeable how Ray acts very childlike around Sand with his puppy dog eyes and constant wheedling. One thing I do want to note is that Ray doesn't particularly come off as childlike in any of his other interactions either with his friends or in his conversation with P'Yo except for perhaps that first night when he got drunk and told his friends how much he loved them and during the suicide scene when he cries wrapped up in Mew's arms, distraught by how his mother never loved him. I think Ray is the epitome of someone with a deeply wounded inner child and the only way he can ask for love is as a child, somewhat helplessly and appealing to people's caretaker/protective nature. The parent child relationship between Sand and Ray comes up a few times through the episodes. The earliest explicit acknowledgement as far as I can tell is here at the end of episode 2:

There's another explicit nod as to how their dynamic is set up within Sand performing acts of service for Ray in Ep 3:

Sand says he has been Ray's driver, drinking buddy, shrink and chef. Three of those things - driving him around, cooking for him and providing him emotional support are not just familial activities but activities you would normally do for a young child. Sand pointedly leaves out that they've had sex from this list of services. And yes, that's because Sand doesn't view sex as a service and if it was just this then it would be hard to make the point that I'm trying to make which is that Sand needs to fulfill that parental attachment need that Ray craves; give him that type of no strings, unselfish kind of love before he will ever be able to gain Ray's trust enough to be able to build a romantic relationship with him. So how is the show making this point? That Sand is replacing not just Mew but Ray's dead mother in his heart? Well, let's start with the two things that Ray's mother has left him with: 1) music and 2) her alcoholism. Ray's friends were all very surprised when Ray volunteers to arrange the music for the party. While that was more about Ray's lack of interest in taking responsibility (His now in restrospect gut wrenching 'I'm only good for spending money' line from Ep1 like ouch) but it also indicates that none of them really know or connect with Ray over his music. How can they?

Music is such a deeply personal part of him, that's where he keeps the love he holds for his mother; the love that is entirely grief - painful in its vastness, beautiful in its consistency. And the first thing Sand tells him to do is be grateful for it - her good taste in music. The second thing? Is to show him how to enjoy it:

The fact that he's taking his hand and Ray is half resisting it, the silliness of the gesture more than the touch itself but he's undeniably enjoying himself - It reads to me like the awkward, stilted movements of a childperson who doesn't know how to move their limbs when they're first being taught how to do something. And when you realize that the song that Ray plays for Sand in ep2 is the same one that is playing when he's taken the pills - the positive associations that Sand is making with Micro in Ray's life suddenly becomes monumental. This happens twice more in the show. Once, in the car when Sand ditches his date to drive them to Ray's house where they engage in a delightful flirtation around it, Ray singing badly while Sand eats it up complains about it

And again, at the night of the party when Ray tells Sand to play Micro for him and Sand like the simp that he is serenades him with it:

But their connection over music doesn't stop at teaching Ray to cherish and honor his past - and unknowingly the pains that are attached to it. No, Sand goes further to expand it, help Ray find a space for himself in music, carve a corner of it that isn't only pain, isn't only that moment of seeing his mother laid flat on that floor with a whiskey glass inches from her fingers.

When music is such an integral part of Ray's personality how else does one interpret this scene other than Sand telling Ray to move on, when Sand plays Selina and Sirinya for him because finding new music he likes is Sand's happiness how else do I interpret it as anything other than Sand teaching Ray how to be happy? What am I supposed to do but pull out my own hair when they're connecting over music, looking at each other like this:

And Sand will do it AGAIN - as the ep5 preview suggests - take Ray's hand and teach him how to enjoy contemporary music while Ray makes his awkward, adorable face where he's having fun in spite of himself. And the sheer amount of joy that Sand gets in seeing Ray like this is just - they're so insufferable:

But perhaps the most surprising (and delightful!) of all is this:

Ray taking his headphone off, interrupting this magical moment of being with Sand and the music, telling him he wants to be close to nature and drink beer - for the very first time Ray desires alcohol not as a means to destroy himself but as a vehicle of peace and of connection and I haven't been well since seeing it and understanding what it means. In many ways, Ray's mother is such a tragic character. I know nothing of this woman other than the three seconds I have seen of her dead and the frightful way she has driven her son to follow in her footsteps, to feel so unloved and unwanted. And yet she named him Ray Pakorn (pakorn meaning sun) - a ray of sunshine. Perhaps even, her ray of sunshine.

How can I truly believe that she never loved him?

I know Ray tells Mew that she never held him but he loves her so dearly, wants to be with her so desperately, she permeates every moment of his life so thoroughly that the loneliness she left behind isn't a gaping emptiness but the festering carcass of a love so profound and full to bursting that Ray keeps trying to give it away, keeps trying to love his friends, keeps trying to save them and aches in the way that he finds no recipient for it.

People wonder what Sand sees in Ray, why he would fall for him. But Ray is a creature made entirely of love, soft still in the way he lets it rule his life, innocent in the way that he asks for it, precious in the way that he gives it away - How can Sand be anything but desperately in love with him?

#ofts meta #sandray meta #only friends meta #ofts #sandray #only friends the series #ofts ray #ofts sand #nani's hot takes #i spent so long on it please don't let it flop #but also its so long so i dont blame you #but i couldn't help myself #ray is an open wound in my heart #i do nothing but think about him #long post

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percheduphere · 6 months

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Okay. First post trying to use gifs properly. I've switched out improper gifs for these type for my last 3-4 posts. Gonna work on some more corrections tomorrow when I have time. Please let me know if I'm misstepping anywhere. Thanks for your patience! That said...

LET'S TALK ABOUT SYLVIE💕, INTERSECTIONAL FEMINISM (SYLVIE & LOKI)✊🏽, AND QUEER REPRESENTATION (LOKIUS)🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️!

SYLVIE

I'm rooting for Lokius, AND I also love how much Sylvie has forged a life for herself in S2. A lot of her development is implied, so I think it's worth looking at her growth outside the context of Loki himself: She found a job, locals know her by name, she has friends and acquaintances, she has hobbies!

People call her by name in her timeline on 4 occasions:

1. When the McDonald's shift manager (John) checks in on her after work. See the kid with the tie in the image below. I couldn't find any gifs of him visiting Sylvie at her truck. She asked him if his mom was gonna pick him up to make sure he was gonna be okay late at night. 🥹

2. When a customer picks up their McDonald's order and thanks her (cheerfully). Also note how many employee stars she had on her badge! Queen.

3. Lyle at the record store. They seem like really good friends, and I got the "beginnings of an attraction" vibe between the two of them. Unfortunately, the gifs below are the only ones I could find of him and I'm still searching for the source. His interaction with Sylvie before spaghetti-trauma was so sincere. He could tell she was down and offered her Velvet Underground. Come on, that's a solid move.

4. Eric at the bar, who comments 2 shots of bourbon is a good choice. Let me tell you, finding a gif of Eric was like finding a needle in a haystack, but here he is leaning close to Sylvie. Thank you, @zehiiro!

I tried to find more gifs of all the people Sylvie has in her life but couldn't find any, which is a darn shame because there are so many subtle cues she's built a support system on her own and she's thriving.

She's a regular at many places in her timeline, and when people greet her, they do so with a smile. She loves music, a hard drink, and punk fashion.

When she engages with Loki, she may come across as cold, but I honestly think she's being firm with her boundaries and true to her beliefs. The TVA threatened her life for centuries. I don't doubt setting foot in the building is traumatic for her, which may explain why she was more harsh than usually in S2E4. Her psychological defenses were all on overdrive. Yet when Sylvie's in her own timeline, far away from the TVA, she can be her real self. Turns out, her real self is pretty well-liked! (I'll talk about how this is mirrored in Loki soon).

INTERSECTIONAL FEMINISM

Sylvie's an unapologetically "selfish" woman who knows what she wants, wants it on her own, is doing it on her own, and isn't afraid to put her foot down when it comes to her personal boundaries. We should be applauding all of that!

This is exactly the kind of female representation we need, but the show did Sylvie a disservice in S1 by coming at her character as a love interest first (look at all the media promos classifying her as such) instead of more thoughtfully showing how badly she has been affected by the TVA and planting what her desires are throughout. If they had done this with more intention and finesse, her position in S2 wouldn't come off as completely irresponsible.

As a result of this apparent marketing and pre-production development decision, her perception as a character (by both lokius and sylki shippers) is muddled by the question of her relationship status with Loki. This truly isn't fair, most especially to Sophia Di Martino.

Of course, Sylvie isn't perfect. No well-written character should be. I just think she's cooler than she gets credit for precisely because her character arc doesn't require the fulfillment of a romance. She will be fine whether or not she ends up with Loki. It's very feminist!

Loki, in turn, found safety, belonging, and love at the TVA. All the things that are the complete opposite of Sylvie's lived experience. I often see fans complaining about how Loki is ooc in his own series.

The thing is, and Loki admits this himself: it's all part of an illusion.

This illusion started far before the first Thor movie. He comes from a hyper-masculine (dare I say toxic-masculine) warrior society. His true nature doesn't conform with this, so he has to overcompensate with some (genuinely awesome) bad assery.

BUT he doesn't like it.

As a comparison to a far lesser but more relatable degree: imagine putting on a customer service persona 24/7. UGH. It's just not sustainable without becoming increasingly angry and bitter, which is what Sacred Timeline Loki becomes. Mobius gets ahead of this.

In the series, Loki can finally TURN OFF that persona, and TURN IT ON again when it's needed (and fun!).

He also now has the freedom to be silly, expressive, and magical (unapologetically queer!) without anyone making fun of him for it.

The end result is a much calmer, happier, likable person (like Sylvie in her timeline, his defenses are no longer on overdrive!). Who shows him this is possible?

Here's the receipt:

QUEER REPRESENTATION

Sociopoliticaly, Loki and Mobius come from a different angle. A lot of men (cis, fluid, trans, or otherwise) struggle with the social expectation of burying feelings and never ever showing vulnerability, especially to another men. Now, some might argue that shipping men together perpetuates this construct. There's some truth to this, but only through the lens that it is shameful to be gay. In order to get to a point in society where there's no shame in being mistaken as gay (or queer, generally) when being affectionate with another man, there must be continuous positive representation of homosexual relationships in which the characters are not stereotypes. Loki and Mobius are exactly this, especially Mobius.

Whereas Loki, on Asgard, represents the openly queer oppressed (i.e. magic and cunning, qualities historically tied to witches or "immoral women" instead of brute strength), Mobius can represent the closeted repressed.

In S1, Mobius was much more uptight, rule-abiding, and just shy of holier-than-thou. The power structure in which he existed perpetuated this, until Loki reveals to him it was all a lie (an illusion).

In S2, he becomes more flexible, more fun-loving, and more expressive in his affection. In S1, most of his support of Loki manifested as words of affirmation. In S2, his support extended to physical touch and bonding. Mobius, if seen through the lens of a closeted man allegory, finds the courage (and partner) to slowly come out.

#loki #sylvie #mobius #lokius #sylki #loki meta #loki season 2 #loki spoilers #sylkie #my meta #loki series

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sixlane · 2 months

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Life and Death

Jegulus microfic | 1.2k words | Mr & Mrs Smith au pt. 2 | pt. 1, pt. 3

The mission hadn’t exactly gone according to plan. It should’ve been a routine package transport, nothing out of the ordinary, except that when they arrived at the dropoff location, they’d been met with 10 armed operatives hell bent on killing them and stealing whatever it was they were transporting.

That’s how James finds himself bleeding out in the backseat as Regulus pushes the gas pedal to the floor, trying to get them somewhere safe while simultaneously losing their attackers.

“James I swear to god if you die I with fucking kill you,” Regulus yells over the roaring engine and squealing tires. “Keep pressure on the wound you fucking idiot!”

James groans as he presses harder on his leg where the bullet entered. Everything’s going a bit fuzzy so he keeps forgetting what he’s doing. If they hit his artery he’s screwed.

“Come on, James, eyes open!” Regulus snaps his fingers, flitting his eyes back and forth between the road and James in the rearview. His brows are pinched in concern and his eyes are shiny with unshed tears. James is pretty sure he’s hallucinating at this point, though.

“Keep your eyes on the road or you’ll kill us both,” James grits out. They’re speeding around sharp curves on the outskirts of a town in the Italian countryside, but it’s not somewhere James recognizes. He stopped hearing gunshots about five minutes ago so he’s pretty sure they lost whoever was chasing them, but if James doesn’t get sewn up soon he won’t make it out of this one.

Regulus lets out an incredulous laugh, “you’re really going to critique my driving skills right now? Unbelievable.”

“Sorry, love, you’re doing gr— FUCK!” They hit a bump that jostles James’ leg and it feels like he’s on fire, burning up from the inside. It’s all a bit too much. He’s fading fast.

“James?!” Regulus calls out. “James don’t you dare pass out we’re almost there just hang on five more minutes.”

“Just gonna take a little nap, love,” James slurs, not totally in control of himself. “You’ve got me.” It’s the last thing he remembers before it all goes dark.

When James cracks his eyes open, he’s met with crimson-stained porcelain. He’s in a bathtub, he thinks, and there is blood… everywhere. That’s when the panic sets in.

James can feel his heart rate spinking as his breathing turns short and shallow. He’s alone in a bathroom he doesn’t recognize and he needs to get his feet under him but god why does his leg feel like it’s been put through a woodchipper? He looks down, taking stock of his body.

He’s naked from the waist down, and there’s a hastily sewn up hole in his upper thigh. It all comes back to him then.

Fuck

Where is Regulus?

All of a sudden,

Footsteps down the hall.

Scissors on the counter.

He doesn't think.

He just grabs and throws.

The blades arc through the air and imbed themselves in the wall centimeters away from a head of black curls. If Regulus didn’t have the reflexes of a cat they’d be in his eye.

He stands there for a moment, one cup of something hot in each hand. He looks at the scissors, then at James, who is half propped up on the edge of the tub and breathing hard. “Glad to see you’re feeling better,” he deadpans.

“Shit I’m so sorry, are you oka—”

“It’s fine, James,” Regulus interrupts. “You’re in a heightened state of awareness and your adrenaline is doing the thinking. I would’ve done the same thing. Sit back down.”

James collapses back into the tub and his leg throbs in protest. He bites down on his bottom lip to hold back a whimper. He’s been shot a few times before but it never gets easier.

Regulus sits on the edge of the tub and offers him a cup. “Tea?” He’s so calm. Always the one holding it together for the both of them. James has a brief flashback of the car chase, Regulus on the verge of tears, but he pushes it away.

“Thank you,” James croaks, reaching to take the cup. He wraps his hands around the warm drink but he’s shaking too badly to keep the liquid inside. It sloshes over the edge, burning his fingers. “Shit.”

“Let me,” Regulus says, taking the cup back. He holds it to James’ lips before tipping it slightly.

James makes an obscene noise when the warm liquid slides down his sore throat. In this moment it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted.

Regulus sets the cup down, then reaches out to run his thumb across James’ cheekbone, trying to dislodge some dried blood, probably. The concern from the car is seeping back into his features and he runs his eyes over James from head to toe, a reminder that James is completely bare apart from his blood soaked t-shirt. Oh well, Regulus can look if he wants to.

“How bad was it?” James asks.

Regulus’ eyes snap back to meet James’ and he schools his features into something more neutral, but James doesn’t miss how he’s twirling his wedding band with his thumb, a nervous habit he’s picked up recently. “Pretty bad. The bullet missed your artery, thankfully, but you lost a lot of blood. You’ve been out for two hours.”

“Right,” James says, looking around. “And where are we?”

“Safe house. Should be okay to stay here a few days while you recover.”

James nods. “Thank you for uh… for taking care of me.” He can feel his cheeks heating as he says it. He’s not usually one to get flustered, but something about Regulus watching over him while he’d been unconscious is making him feel gooey inside.

Regulus just shrugs, not breaking eye contact. “You’d do the same for me.” They share the look for a few more seconds, something behind it that neither of them wants to name, before Regulus looks away. “Let’s get you cleaned up, okay?”

It takes the better part of an hour because James can’t stand without Regulus supporting his full weight, but he finally makes it to bed, clean and wearing new clothes Regulus found in a drawer somewhere. Regulus gave him a few pills to help with the pain and they’re making him sleepy already, the world blurring around its edges.

“Need anything else?” Regulus asks as he fluffs James’ pillows behind him.

“Mm good,” James responds, though it’s barely audible.

“Alright, I’ll come check on you in a few hours. Try to get some sleep.” Regulus moves toward the door, but before he can get too far James catches his wrist.

“Stay? Please? Don’t wanna be alone.”

Regulus turns, his expression soft. “Yeah, James, okay. I’ll stay.”

He moves around the bed to come up behind James, but he doesn’t get under the covers.

After a few minutes, when he thinks James is asleep, Regulus runs a delicate finger down his back, tracing the hills and valleys of his spine. He lets out a shuddering exhale, one he’d been holding back for a while it seems, and James finally drifts off to soft touches and Regulus’ warmth at his back.

#they're back and they're so soft!!#jegulus #jegulus microfic #regulus black #james potter #regulus x james #james x regulus #starchaser #sunseeker #marauders #marauders fanfic #marauders au #lane writes #microfic tag #mr & mrs smith au

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coffeeandbatboys · 1 month

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Congrats on the follower milestone! And Thanks for the tag! 🥰

Can we do something like-

Character: Fives

Number: 7

Emoji: 😜

(This is such a cool idea!)

Thank you! No pressure, and no rush!

Oh. My. God. When I was making the prompt list I saw this one and immediately thought Fives. And then I got the damn ask 😂

Prompt: *tipsy* “Have you ever thought about porgs? I think we should think more about porgs.”

Warnings: Fives had a good time at 79s, Kix and Jesse make a cameo. Fives is a clingy lil shit. Reader is implied to be female.

270 follower celebration

About Porgs (Fives x Reader)

Your comm beeped on the vanity. Curiosity getting the better of you, you paused brushing your teeth to see who it was.

“Hey Vod’ika it’s Kix. Fives had a few too many at 79s so he’s your problem tonight. Jess and I will bring him over there soon.”

You shook your head with a smile, remembering the Medic’s rants about the last time Fives was drunk and staying in the barracks. Apparently he had kept everyone awake by singing a badly written love song about you.

You grabbed a glass and filled it with water, before pouring out a couple of painkillers to go with it.

“Force knows he’ll need it in the morning,” you muttered to yourself.

Not too long after the comm your doorbell rang. You opened the door to find Fives, partially supported by Kix and Jesse. He had a lopsided grin on his face and his eyelids were drooping just a little. He did light up when he saw you.

“Mesh’laaa!” He cheered.

You sighed, stepping out of the way so your ARC trooper could stumble inside.

“Thanks, boys. I got him all set up for tomorrow morning. He’s not catching a break.”

Jesse and Kix said goodnight and returned to the barracks, leaving you to deal with Fives.

“Alright let’s take care of your armor.” You ordered, pushing him into the bedroom. He sat down on the bed as you began to pull each piece of his kit off. Once you got down to the belt, something akin to the transition between confusion and realization flashed across his face and he gasped.

“Ohhh it’s like thattt.” He slurred,

You knit your brows together and feigned innocence, just so you didn’t have to give him the satisfaction.

You frowned. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“C’mon Mesh’la.”

You stacked the rest of his kit at the foot of the bed. “You’re going to go right to sleep buddy. After you drink some water. ”

He pouted, but took a couple of sips anyway, then layed down. You returned the cup to the nightstand and turned the light off. For a second, you wondered if Fives was asleep because everything was quiet. But then-

“Have you ever thought about porgs? I think we should think more about porgs.”

That one threw you for a loop. You started laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of the statement.

“What?” You wheezed.

“I mean why d’they scream so much? Poor things must be tr…tram…trama…scared or something.”

You flopped down on the bed and groaned. “Go to sleep Fives.”

“Jus sayin’”

“Fives–“

“Fineee.”

You felt him wrap his arms around you and bury his face in your neck, where he placed a lazy kiss.

“G’night Mesh’la.”

“Goodnight Fives.”

“Love you.”

You kissed his temple. “I love you too. Now sleep.”

He let out a deep chuckle. “Yess’m”

#star wars #clone trooper fives x reader #arc trooper fives x reader #fives x reader #fives x fem!reader #fives x you #arc trooper fives x fem! reader #arc trooper fives #coffee’s 270 follower celebration #clone trooper x reader

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thortwenty151 · 7 months

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Okay you know what? I don’t want this to get lost in tags. Basically, Thor is allowed to have feelings and be messy and imperfect all on his own without it having much if anything to do directly with Loki. Or even indirectly. A huge amount of Thor’s character arc has to do with his relationship to Odin, and his relationship with who he himself is outside of being who he was brought up to believe he was meant to be.

Like he should not have been 1500 years old the first time his mother tells him he can be himself. And see, the trade off of this is that Thor has almost no self-worth nor self-actualization outside of who he thought he was supposed to be. And when the person he was supposed to be fucks up so badly (in his mind), that half the universe disappears…

Well, who is he after that? What purpose does he have? He can’t be the king he was expected to be, because that person doesn’t actually exist.

And because he can’t be that version of himself because of his trauma and grief and guilt, he doesn’t know who he is at all. And so the traumatized, grieving version of himself, the one that can’t get off the couch and has completely, as Chris Hemsworth said, “checked out” isn’t the king he was expected to be, so why bother even trying? He needed some time to not have to try. Valkyrie gets it, she was right in the same place, so she picks up the slack for him, which makes it that much easier to check out more and more. By the time Rocket and Bruce show up, he’s basically decided that this new version of himself is happy, while he’s right on the verge of a breakdown pretty much at all times.

He’s been taught his whole life not to show his people his feelings. His dad’s advice to him about having feelings was basically, go drink, and put on a goddamn happy face because a future king needs to keep his weird gross sadness to himself.

So Thor does exactly that: his feelings are too overwhelming to translate into productive anger (how he usually copes), so it turns inward. And that’s not good because he’s been told not to show his feelings so many times. It’s ingrained. So he drinks and he pretends to be happy, but it doesn’t mean he’s got any sort of sense of identity.

He leaves with the Guardians to try a different version of himself, to middling success in terms of helping him form his own identity, one that had started to heal from all the horrible things that have happened in a time period that, to him, is like a long weekend.

It’s a journey he’s still on, and ultimately it only peripherally has much to do with Loki.

#not to say Loki is not vitally important to Thor’s development #just as Thor is vitally important to Loki’s #there is no Thor without Loki and no Loki without Thor #but Thor has his own issues to deal with sometimes #usually when Loki’s not there #Thor #Loki #Thor Odinson #Loki laufeyson #Thor meta #pro Thor #pro Loki #give Thor a break he’s doing his best

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blueoranberryy · 1 month

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Harpoon Hybrid - CSM oc

(Edit: Name change, 16/04/24.)

Second oc!! (One of my favs<3)

His name is Botan Kawase!! (Affectionately shortened to Bo!!!) I forgot to put in on the ref but he's 5'4 ft (around 163 cm)

Outfits: Public Safety uniform, Fourth East gakuran and deckhand port cloth.

Tap for more info and a few doodles of him!!

🎣— Character details!!

(He/Him pronouns for Botan!!)

⚠️Warning:—Manipulation mentions (Makima), badly drawn blood on the last pic.

Botan is calm, polite and keeps an stoic facade (which Yoshida breaks easily.) most of the time, school and work equally. He's socially awkward and tends to avoid conversations by giving small talk, answering with just a "yes", a nod, a "no" or a head shake. After what happened in his hometown, Yazui, in addition to the fact that he is now in a profession where people could die for just be around him, he is not very interested in making friends, still the harpoon can't help but get attached to certain people around him. Botan is still a teenager (17 or 18 y/o.)

He is the Harpoon Hybrid, he prefers not to talk about how he merged with the devil. But the encounter happened a few months before the Yazui port staff found him,

Botan is currently working for Public Safety, deciding to stay after being freed from Makima's control in the Control Devil Arc; now member of Special Division 7

He used to be a deckhand in Yaizu's city port, Shizuoka prefecture, being hired as a private devil hunter by the port staff and crew when they found him, he had killed the Sea Urchin Devil near the installations in his hybrid form. He was offered a home, water, food and other basic needs in exchange for being, so to speak, security against devils who attacked the port, staff, prevented any process or exit of the boats¿ He formed a bond with most of the tribulation members and saw some of them as father/mother figures and family.

Public Safety learned of his existence through a staff error and immediately took him away, laying off some staff members. Makima being Makima, pulled some strings to have the harpoon hybrid transferred to Tokyo to be a member of Special Division 5 along the rest of the weapons. Botan was easy prey for Makima, he felt extremely guilty for getting some of the crew fired and she offered him comfort through a false façade of a mother figure. (Just as a small clarification, Botan never had romantic feelings towards Makima, he saw her more as a mother and wanted to protect her during his brainwash.)

The Harpoon now with free will really saw no point in trying to return to Yazui, he felt sorry and guilty and it just didn't feel right for him to return. With no better alternative, he stayed at Public Safety and began renting an apartment in Tokyo with his salary; still wears one of the port's hooks as a bracelet along with keeping some photos and shells from his time still in Shizuoka, a few decorate his apartment along other sea themed objects.

Botan was assigned as Yoshida's partner, Denji's bodyguard, and was ordered by his superior to harpoon out the chainsaw hybrid's heart if he at any time disobeyed orders or lost control.

🎣— First meeting!! (oc x canon)

With a new job and a new mission to protect a certain blonde boy, of course this was not going to be a job just for the Harpoon. Botan was quiet and quite upright with Yoshida at first, he limited himself to only talking about the mission even though Yoshida wanted to know more and was curious about the hybrid. Hirofumi of course insisted in getting to know each other better and ended up dragging reluctantly the harpoon to a Cafe so they could talk more comfortably unlike the PS building which air conditioner probably never goes off in 24/7, they had a few drinks and desserts together and suddenly Botan was starting to think this guy is maybe not that bad as he initially looked.

Botan thought Yoshida was kind of weird at first (and still kind of does) but he has developed admiration towards his professionalism and totally grown a camaraderie like for him.

No, he's not going to elaborate about what he thinks about Yoshida, nothing further than a "He does a good job."

He knows he's pretty you don't need to tell him, man literally sees him daily, no, he's not going to admit he thinks he's pretty.

Botan makes sure to assist Yoshida whenever he gets hurt in missions, even if it's just a small scratch that not even himself had noticed until the hybrid pointed out.

At some point Botan called him Hirofumi instead of Yoshida and apologized quickly but a smile and a "It's fine, you can call me Hirofumi" with a rather warmer tone than usual from the eerie boy was enough for the harpoon to start using his name on him always. No, he didn't get home happy that day, "The pollen in the air tickles my nose." and he was smiling more than usual that day... "Hm? We're not in spring yet? Uh, how strange then." and he shrugged.

🎣— Hybrid form!!

Botan possesses a small gun trigger on his upper back which he usually covers with his hair which, forgive the redundancy, triggers his hybrid transformation by being pulled. (May change this in the future)

In this appearance his head is replaced by an harpoon gun or canyon that he can shoot along the harpoons attached to his arms by pointing with his index finger, he also can also simply detach the harpoons to throw them in more traditional way or use them in melee combat just like the Spear Hybrid.

The ropes tied to the harpoons are useful for him to make the weapons return to him, the ropes are infinite and don't really have a limit to stop stretching but they can be rip by a blunt weapon or sharp object.

If Botan losses any of his harpoons under any circumstance he can simply generate/create them again to replace the ones he lost, the harpoons are sharp enough to pierce through a Sperm whale and a Blue whale easily.

The harpoon hybrid accuracy allows him to hit targets easily and freely even if they're hundreds of meters away from him.

He possesses as well the other same abilities than the rest of The Weapons have as: Augmented body, healing by blood consumption and nigh-immortality.

Botan tries to perfect his handling of weapons such as: the poleaxe, the fauchard, the glaive and firearms in general to avoid depending from his hybrid form, in a way aspiring to be like Quanxi.

That's all for now!! I'll try to bring more of him and my others ocs soon!! :3

Thanks for reading! —★

🎣—"The seas raised me, a ship cradled me and the seagulls lulled me to sleep."

#csm #csm fanart #csm hirofumi #csm yoshida #yoshida hirofumi #csm oc #csm art #chainsaw man #oc x canon #digital art #oc art #oc #artists on tumblr #digital drawing

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horse-girl-anthy · 3 months

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could Anthy have walked out of Ohtori from episode one?

essay under the cut.

my basic answer to this question is no, but there's a lot of complexity behind that no.

when Utena first encounters Anthy, she immediately thinks there's something wrong with her and tries to talk her out of the whole "Rose Bride" business. while Utena makes several crucial mistakes during this early stage of their relationship, her instinct isn't necessarily wrong. if you met someone who said their inherent position in life was to be a slave to the will of others, wouldn't you have some concerns?

by episode 23, Utena has begun to understand Anthy better, to feel the magnitude of her plight.

such moments have long since led me to the conclusion that Anthy couldn't leave Ohtori until the final episode. however, that doesn't mean that I knew what "not being able to leave" truly implied. here's the thoughts I've come up with.

in life, we all have times when we know what we should do to improve our circumstances, but we find that we simply cannot do it. the barrier to "not being able to do something" is not physical, not easily explainable. I'll give an example from my life. I spent a couple years as an alcoholic. obviously, there was a very simple solution to this problem: stop drinking. but I just couldn't do it. my life was pretty bad at the time, but I've gotten through other bad times without guzzling alcohol. during the course of my addiction, it looked like I wasn't making any progress. then one day I just stopped. people say you're an alcoholic for life, but I don't believe that. I know I'm done; it's over.

I've started to take Anthy's character as, in part, a grand metaphor for being in such a position. a simple action, one that you're physically capable of, would solve everything. but you can't do it. until one day you can.

that's not the whole answer to the Anthy question, of course. the show has a system, a social landscape, which has to be taken into account. there's the swords of hate, there's Akio. Anthy is truly oppressed, and so, even though she eventually reveals that she's capable of walking out, to give such an explanation is facile. I gave an example of a situation where I knew what I needed to do to get my life together; for Anthy, it's more of a case where she cannot even believe that her life could change. either leaving Ohtori doesn't occur to her, or she thinks it's impossible.

taking a more thematic approach, Anthy is a representation of the suppression of women. she's in an impossible situation; she constantly denies her own agency; she has been so badly hurt that she is afraid to be herself in any capacity. so the question of "could Anthy just have left Ohtori from the start?" could be rephrased as "can women just shake off their socialization?" Utena, who attempts to do just that, can't escape from it in the end either.

but the reason RGU is such a beloved story is because it is about liberation from gendered socialization, as well as other mental prisons. with this in mind, I think Anthy not being able to leave at the start was necessary for the narrative. it can't be easy for her to leave, or there's no story, and it won't feel real.

the process of liberation isn't easy either, or necessarily explicable. the show centers on the dueling game, a system which treats Anthy as an object, which encourages conflict and possession. the characters always seem to fail at their objectives. they never resolve their complexes--they only spend them out. Utena wins and wins, and although she is loving, she is not prying Anthy out of her coffin. Ikuhara once described the final arc as being full of stories that are wrong. there doesn't appear to be any light at the end of the tunnel.

right when you think Utena and Anthy have achieved solidarity, that they both want the same thing, Anthy reveals another of her faces, stabbing Utena in the back and acquiescing to her fate yet again. it's only then, after every single option has been eliminated, that the revolution can occur. strangely, the power of the final episode comes from the "empty movement" of the previous 38. all along, it looked like no progress was being made. Miki and Kozue break apart almost as soon as they've reached an understanding. Touga challenges Utena to another duel, despite knowing that that's what Akio wants. Nanami won't let go of the spotlight she so craves. Juri can do nothing but surrender. and yet.. and yet.

a lot of fans view Ohtori as a bad place, an evil place. certainly, evil happens there. Akio is at the helm, an embodiment of the sick childishness of an adult who refuses to grow up. but I don't know if Ohtori is evil. it provides the setting for the process of liberation to occur. staying there is the problem. but perhaps for Anthy, and for the other characters, Ohtori served as the shell--a thing of protection--which allowed them to reach adulthood and emerge into the world. the dueling game was all a grand play which gave them an outlet for their issues, a testing ground to be left behind when they were ready. through failure, they found out that what they really wanted was something beyond their imagination. they struggled and fought with one another, only to find out that underneath at all, there was love, unlooked for, rising from shared alienation.

let's put it one more way: Anthy could not leave Ohtori from the start, because she was still a child, no matter how jaded she was. she hid her child-self away long ago and then forgot it was there. when that child woke up, she found that she had a friend who wanted to go out into the real world with her. that was all she needed to become an adult, and so, at last, she left Ohtori for good, a whole person. in the words of Ikuhara:

The prince chose to sleep on, and the princess chose to wake up. At the top of that tall tower, the princess bid farewell to the prince. No - she wasn’t the princess any longer. She quit being “a person (thing) ruled by someone.” The victory bells rang, but there was no “tower (rule)” beyond them now. She’d learned where freedom lay. She crossed the threshold of that “Door of Revolution” which had always been closed for her before, and began walking. The “girls’ revolution” lay in the girl’s future.

#rgu #commentary

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teriri-sayes · 11 months

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Reactions to Miracle Creator's Chapter 145

TLDR; Frustration galore. Talks about future plans. HD going out to the outside world for the first time.

Soos? LSH = ❌ CJS = ✅

Frustration Galore We're back to Cale making people frustrated with his "I'm perfectly fine" line, but this time, by the murim people. 😂 Cale kept claiming that he was perfectly fine, and everyone who witnessed that bloody mess during HD's purification all felt sad. But our Cale was like, why are they acting like that? 🤣🤣🤣

Good Faction Elder Ho: *sighs sadly and looks up the ceiling when Cale replied that he was perfectly fine* Splitter Saint: *does the same. Also goes into some introspection on how his past self was wrong about lots of stuff*

Evil Faction Sima Dan: *offers Cale expensive alcohol. Drinks alcohol out of frustration at Cale wanting to purify more Living Jiangshi* Sima Gong: *snatches the alcohol Dan offered to Cale, saying that it was bad for someone with internal injuries. Feels very sad when Cale denies that he suffered from internal injuries*

Demon Cult HD: *chuckles yet has vicious eyes at Cale talking about purifying more Living Jiangshi. *

Future Plans Not much here, just the usual planning and coordination. Cale's itinerary was Kunlun School -> Evil Alliance headquarters -> Blood Cult's presumed location.

Heavenly Demon Joins Cale's Group This part was the funniest today. There's this Korean idiom something called "to go to the rivers and lakes." In martial arts fiction, it means a sect disciple going out to experience the murim world outside their sect.

So HD said that idiom, reasoning out that he accompanying Cale would be helpful for Cale in purifying Living Jiangshi. Of course, Cale was confused, thinking that there was no need for HD to personally accompany him because HD could just lead his troops.

And then, Raon relayed HD and BD's conversation... BD said that he would support HD in his goal. Cale was even more puzzled on what they meant. 🤣🤣🤣

It doesn't stop there. We get a time skip of three days later, with HD telling Cale that he had finished packing up his luggage and it would be his first time going to the rivers and lakes. Cale was still in disbelief of what HD said... 🤣🤣🤣

Someone in Ridi commented that HD was like a kid who was going on a picnic for the first time, and I agree with them. 😂Poor babysitter Cale. But is this foreshadowing that just like Durst, it would be HD joining Cale's group? We can only hope...

Ending Remarks When is this arc going to end? Even Cale today badly wanted to go home. Unfortunately (for him), we still have a long way to go. But with HD joining Cale's group (and the Demon Cult joining Caleism), I'm looking forward to the future chapters.

#tcf spoilers #trash of the count's family

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crossroadsandloudmusic · 2 years

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Jesus fuck where do I even start ok so this is a massively long fic, in fact I think it’s the longest one I’ve ever written. Anyways this is for Anon so if you are out there, I FINALLY FINISHED IT!!!!!! Really sorry it took so long life has gotten really busy and tbh I fell in love with your idea and wanted to pour my heart and soul into it. I seriously hope you enjoy, oh and I went a little crazy with the Yandere Themes but nevertheless I hope you enjoy it. I wrote it in a way that could be watched alongside the mugen train arc so if you wanted to you absolutely could!!!! I hope you enjoy and thank you to everyone who have been unbelievably patient with me, y’all are the best!!!!!

As always please enjoy!

Request are always open!(disclaimer, it does take me while)

Criticism/tips welcome!

Warnings: Yandere themes, violent themes, sexual themes, delusion, stalking, kidnapping, assault, (etc.)

If anything mentioned above may cause you distress of any kind please do not read

Minors do not interact.

Sweat poured from your brow; it had been an intense workout you had just completed, but if you were going to be a Hashira you had to get stronger every chance you got.

You sheathed your sword and sat down on the dusty ground. As you did you wiped the sweat from your brow and sighed deeply.

“(Y/n), here, I brought you some water!” Spoke Kyojuro enthusiastically. His sudden appearance startled you as he had seemed to form out of thin air.

“Kyojuro, you scared me! Where did you come from?!” You replied as you sighed a sigh of relief. Kyojuro didn’t answer, only laughed as a response. Had it not been for his boisterous and jolly demeanor the interaction would have left you skeptical. Instead, you took the calabash from his hands and drank the cool water eagerly.

Kyojuro watched how your eyes closed and how your body graciously took the drink. Goosebumps rose on his skin and a shiver trickled up his spine. How beautiful you looked accepting such a small gesture from him, so beautiful of every second of every day.

If you paid him closer attention you would have come to find that Kyojuro adored you. No, he was obsessed with you. He exalted every effort to be around you, to be your friend. Along with this he often would follow you home or follow you to missions. He convinced himself that this was only to ensure your safety, and if anything were to go wrong he would be there to save you. On nights he wasn’t so lucky as to be able to follow you, he would become wracked with anxiety. He’d pace the floor or bounce his leg as his mind ran with all the ways you could have gotten hurt. After he finished what he needed to attend to, he’d run to find you. Several nights he found that you were indeed safe, going about your nightly routine or sleeping peacefully in your bed. He’d stay and watch you for a while longer before he took his leave, but even then his anxiety was not curbed. He needed more, he needed to be sure that you were safe even if he wasn’t present. These thoughts plagued him constantly. Yet to you he seemed only to be a close friend, who was helpful and kind to everyone. You were the only one who didn’t see Kyojuro’s true feelings.

————————————————————————-

On one particular morning you spent your time in and out of conciseness recovering from a mission that left you badly injured. The kakushi recovered you from the scene and transported you to the butterfly estate. You laid in bed wrapped from head to toe in bandages, and the news of this spread like wild fire; before too long the news reached Kyojuro.

He was standing and talking with Mitsuri when she mentioned that you and several other slayers were being cared for at the estate. When he heard your name, he stopped and all color fled from his face. He hadn’t known you had been sent on a mission as he had just returned from one. Quickly he apologized and excused himself, when he was sure that he was out of sight he sprinted to the butterfly estate.

He barreled through the doors frantically, his hair wild and his face flushed as he tried to remain calm. Shinobu smiled and greeted him warmly to which Kyojuro returned the gesture. She then asked that if there was something he needed and he replied that he was there to check on you.

Shinobu noticed how ever so slightly his hands were trembling and how fast he responded. She noticed his disheveled look and nervous behavior, even more intriguing was how he had found out where you were so soon. You had only just arrived a few hours before, not to mention you still were in critical condition.

“(Y/n) is doing well, I’m sure in the next few days they will be ready for visitors.” Shinobu replied with her gentle voice and soothing tone. This did nothing to settle Kyojuro’s nerves, in fact, it heightened them.

“Can I go see them now?” Kyojuro asked a little too quickly.

Shinobu smiled once again and responded,

“I feel that may not be the best thing for (Y/n) right now, as they are still in critical condition. It would be best for them to rest.”

“I see.” Kyojuro replied visibly disappointed.

Shinobu then carried on about her business and left a defeated Kyojuro alone in the hall. But just as soon as she was away from view, he began to search the rooms.

He roamed the intensive care hall cautiously, when he walked past a group of girls he would smile and wave as if he were allowed to be there. He even stopped at one point and asked which room you were in, the girl not knowing any better pointed to your room down the hall and to the right. He thanked them graciously and continued on his way.

When he approached your room, he placed his ear against the paper door. He could hear your shallow breathes, but nothing else was heard. Quietly he slid the door open and stepped inside.

What he saw next almost brought him to his knees in anguish. Your poor body, broken, bruised, battered, and covered in bandages. The only skin that was visible was that of your eyes and nose even though they too were injured. He walked and knelt on the floor beside your bed. He took your hand, he held it softly as he watched your chest rise and fall with each ragged breath. His tears stung his eyes as he looked over you and took in the full extent of your injuries; his heart shattered even more thinking of the fear you must have felt. The overwhelming guilt hung tightly to his soul, he blamed himself for everything. If he had only been there maybe, you wouldn’t be laying before him on the brink of death. Each time he gazed at your face, your beautiful face torn to pieces and bruised beyond recognition, he wept.

Shinobu knew that Kyojuro would defy her, she knew that as soon as she left from him that he find his way to you. She thought it sweet that Kyojuro was so helplessly in love with you, but not her nor anyone else for that matter, knew the full extent of his adoration for you.

Each day that he could, Kyojuro would be by your side waiting for you to wake. He would kneel by the bed and talk about his day or what interested him in that moment. Then he would read to you. And after that he would continue talking. When the nurses arrived to change your bandages or to administer medication he would stand in the corner watching their every move. Some even complained that he made them nervous by watching so closely. Shinobu would only laugh and tell them to not mind him as he was only worried about you.

————————————————————————

“Kyo…Kyo…Kyojuro!” You said loudly as you waved your hand infront of Kyojuro’s eyes.

“Hm?! Yes?” He said breaking out of his trance.

“You were staring again.” You said as you playfully laughed. Recently he had developed a habit of staring. One minute he would be talking and the next he’d be completely silent with his eyes fixed on you. At first it startled you, but soon after you grew accustomed to it so when he did drift off you would pull him back into reality. You often found yourself staring back and wondering what exactly went on in his head.

“Oh I’m sorry! I suppose my mind was somewhere else!” Kyojuro replied looking at you. He had been thinking of that time at the butterfly estate. He spent so long by your side, he refused to eat and barely drink simply because he wanted to be there when you woke. That and the guilt he felt inside wouldn’t let him leave you. He didn’t deserve to be comfortable or to indulge in anything nice because you were in pain. Pain that he believed he could have prevented. Even now, months after the incident, he felt tremendous guilt.

“What was it we were discussing?” He asked, his attention now fully on you as if you weren’t the only thing his mind was on constantly.

“We were discussing our upcoming missions, you said something about yours being on a train?” You asked as you turned towards him. You noticed a slight red hue to his cheeks appear when you locked eyes with him.

“Right! The train!”

————————————————————————

Kyojuro went on to explain his next mission would be on board a train. Suspicious disappearances had occurred recently on the train, therefore several slayers had been sent to investigate, but none had returned. It was then decided that Kyojuro, along with three other slayers, were to be sent and exterminate the demon. From the way Kyojuro spoke of the mission it was to be a fairly quick trip. Only two days from the way he had put it. And yet he spoke confidently, the feeling of impending doom sunk in the pit of your chest. He noticed your change in attitude and immediately spoke up,

“What’s the matter?” He asked, his eyes soft and comforting. He worried that perhaps he had said something wrong, he searched his words hoping he didn’t offend you somehow.

You fidgeted nervously and replied,

“It’s nothing-just-just be careful Kyo.” You often found that saying such kind words made you nervous, you looked away from Kyojuro and down to your feet.

Your words silenced him. He could feel his heart thumping and the blood rush to his face. Oh how his heart soared! Your soft words were music to his ears, he felt that such kindness was wasted on him, nevertheless he couldn’t help but feel elated. How kind you were to be worried about him, although misguided as this mission was nothing to worry about, it would be far easier than ones he had handled before. He knew that you would see that you shouldn’t worry for him as he would return home unscathed. And then he hoped that you would also see that he should be the one to protect you. You would see that you could depend on him, be safe with him, love him. Yes he would return home unharmed, and then you would finally see where you belonged. You belonged with him.

‘How wonderful!’

‘Things will be perfect!’

‘It will be beautiful!’

His mind chanted.

He stood from his seated position beside you, you looked up at him and saw the brightest smile plastered across his face. He extended you a hand and you took it, before you knew what was happening, Kyojuro pulled you up into his arms. He wrapped them tightly around your waist and lifted you from the ground.

“Kyojuro?! Kyojuro!? What are you doing? Put me down!” You yelled but he only laughed and started spin. He twirled the two of you around several times before setting you back down.

“Of course I’ll be careful, (Y/n)! If I’m careful that means I get to live another day, another day that can be spent with you!” Kyojuro said in his usual loud voice.

Suddenly he dipped and wrapped his arms around you once again, this time his grip was tighter. So tight in fact you began to have trouble breathing, if he squeezed any tighter your ribs might have broken.

“Ach-Kyo-I can’t breathe.” You managed to choke out. He loosened his grip, but still he embraced you.

He smiled so warmly, he reminded you of the sun. His blatant affection had caught you off guard as he was being particularly flirtatious. Perhaps this is what Mitsuri meant by Kyojuro’s ‘extreme crush’ on you. This was of course followed by Tengen saying it was more of an obsession rather than a crush. And at the time you didn’t believe either of them because Kyojuro had always came off as sweet and kind spirited. He was like that with everyone. Today, and past several weeks for that matter he had become a bit more touchy and a bit more gushy than usual. It never bothered you as he had yet to properly ask you out, and the idea of the two of you together seemed pleasant. Though, at the back of your mind, something told you to be careful. Almost like you were telling yourself that you might be getting more than you bargained for if you did get involved with him. Therefore you thought it best to tread lightly.

“I have something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a very long time.” Kyojuro whispered, his lips grazing the shell of your ear. His voice was deeper, more serious now. Your sense heightened and the hair on your skin rose.

He couldn’t deny his feelings any longer. He wanted you to know just how much he truly loved you, how much he worshiped you. But your voice stopped him before he could continue,

“Kyojuro, whats going on? You’ve been acting weird lately, are you okay?” You asked him as you retracted from his grip. You looked at him with worry in your eyes, Kyojuro’s smile still as wild as ever.

“I’ve never been better! I feel amazing, I feel as though I could fight a thousand demons!” He yelled, his response failed to cull your confusion.

“What is that you need to tell me?” You asked, hoping that whatever it was he said next would answer your questions.

Your heart rate rose in anticipation for what he was about to confess.

Then he took a step back and he calmed. His muscles relaxed and his smile that was filled with raging excitement faded to a grin of contentment.

“No, now isn’t the right time. After I arrive back home, I would like to spend some time together. Just the two of us.” He said as his hands slid from your back to your forearms, he held them firmly and his thumbs rubbed the exposed skin.

A blush spread across your cheeks, his soft gestures and words had you confused, most of all they had you flustered.

“Sure-I mean yeah, we could spend some time together. Alone.” You squeaked out nervously. Kyojuro smiled and laughed once again before embracing you harshly one last time. His touch was starved, so much so that it seemed he hadn’t hugged anyone in quite a long time.

The two of you shared parting words and Kyojuro headed to what you assumed, his father’s estate.

You stood in the middle of the training grounds still stunned by the whole interaction. The most you could do was stand motionless as your mind raced trying to make it all make sense.

Then you looked down to your hand and saw that you still held the calabash Kyojuro had given to you.

“I’ll have to return this when he gets home.” You said aloud as you examined it more closely. When he returned you would simply walk up and give it to him. You’d thank him and the exchange would be over, right? Then the two of you could go back to being close friends, right? You knew it would never be that easy. It’s was apparent now that Kyojuro did desire you, and you-well you didn’t know if you felt the same. Kyojuro was a very handsome man, a terribly strong slayer, and he was overwhelmingly kind. He was a good person and you knew that. But something about the way he showed his desire worried you. His actions appeared restrained, as if he was hiding the full extent of his emotions. That being said Kyojuro was never the one to act on pure emotion, he was level headed and used logic to solve his issues. You were torn by your thoughts. Part of you wanted to let yourself enjoy his presence and see if a blossoming relationship could sprout from your friendship, then again a roaring wildfire starts from a singular spark.

Frustrated and wanting nothing more than to go home, you picked up your belongings. You looked across the training grounds and saw that it was empty. Earlier you had heard voices of others but you had been so focused on your training you hadn’t seen who it was. In fact, you had been the only one using the training grounds today as there was no one present when you began and when you ended.

Except, Kyojuro.

Your throat tightened.

No one else was here except you, and yet Kyojuro somehow managed to be stopping by. Equipped with water of course.

‘How did he know where to find me?’ Your mind asked itself.

‘Maybe I’m reading to much into this.’ You thought trying to reassure yourself.

‘No I’m just being paranoid, I need to get some rest. Yeah I’m just tired!’ You thought to yourself once again before shaking your head and silently laughing.

‘Getting all worked up over nothing.’ You laughed at your own paranoia, for a second you were thinking that Kyojuro had been stalking you.

‘What a ridiculous thought.’ You added.

As you continued to settle your nerves back down, you made your way through the gates and around the corner of the fence. From there you would descend the hill, and follow a thin path into the forest. After a several mile trek you would enter the town closest to your home. There you thought you might do some light shopping as you had been meaning to get out more often. Maybe you would find a new kimono or yukata to add to your collection. Then you could stop for some udon, and after that you could finish your journey home. From the way you trained today, udon and a good night’s sleep was well deserved.

————————————————————————-

That evening you spent your time wandering the crowded streets stopping and admiring all the merchandise. Just as you had expected, you didn’t make it through without spending money. As you walked from vendor to vendor something caught your eye. It had been a glorious (y/f/c) haori. It was perfect in every way, you stopped and admired it for quite a while. The merchant took notice of this and gave you deal, you thanked him. Immediately after, you had handed the man your money and put it on. To which he smiled and clapped, you were just a thrilled as it fit perfectly. You thanked him once again and continued on your way.

Then you stopped for something to eat. A bald fellow that wore a striped kimono sat with his udon cart near the end of town. You approached him and paid for two bowls, as you were exhausted and starving at this point. You handed him your money and he handed you two bowls. You took them and thanked him just as you had the merchant. Quietly you ate on a bench nearby, the food was immaculate and it settled your grumbling stomach. You returned the bowls and thank the man to which he thanked you in return. Then you continued down the winding road towards your home. It was getting dark and the trees appeared black against the orange sky. You sighed with content. The world you lived in was so cruel yet so beautiful at times. How lucky you were to live amongst such glorious sights.

‘I know what it means to be a slayer…I defeat the evil that prevents others from seeing the world as it truly is. And it is beautiful.’ You said internally. As your mind worked with solving the intricacies that entangles life, today’s incident and worries were behind you. But of course they were never far away, in fact, one followed close behind observing your every move.

————————————————————————-

You stepped onto the wooden engawa and opened your door. Inside was dark and quiet, it was always nerve wracking to come into your home late in the evenings. Quickly you fumbled for your matches. Once found, you made your way around the house lighting each lantern. Soon the house was entirely illuminated and you felt a bit more comfortable.

Towards the end of your journey the feeling of being watched crept upon you. You had been uneasy and quickened your pace quite a bit. This had not been because you were avoiding a potential demon, but from the lack of one. When the feeling first appeared you stopped, hands clasped your sword in anticipation. In an instant you knew that what you sensed had not been a demon but instead a human. A strong one, one that was determined and feared nothing. You knew you would have to face who it was if you stayed any longer, and as many demons you killed, you were not prepared to kill a human being. Therefore, you fled. But now you were home, and home was safe.

You made quick work of your training clothes, tossing them to the side as you pulled on your evening clothes. Then you went to your room and hung up your new haori, something so nice should be treated as such. You chuckled, as you knew soon enough you would be wearing it into battle.

‘Hopefully this one will hold up better than the last’ you thought to yourself as you smoothed out the wrinkles and freeing it from any dirt.

Afterwards, you stepped outside to fetch some water from your well. Then you brought the pail inside and scooped a cup of water from it.

‘I’ll have to make some tea in the morning.’ You mentioned to yourself as you sipped the cool water slowly.

You tended to a few things inside the house before officially retiring to bed. Accompanied by your cup of water and your katana, you shuffled into the bedroom. There you sat down on the fluffy futon and immediately sank into its warmth. Knowing you would soon fall asleep you took one last sip of your water and placed it withins arm reach, then you placed your blade on the floor next to your bed. That is where your sword always resided as it was easy for you grab incase of an emergency, and it gave you a strong sense of comfort knowing your weapon rested alongside of you.

You inched into the covers and snuggled tighter into the pillows. The warmth and softness of your bed always made you question why you left it to begin with. Your eyes heavy with sleep closed and your muscles settled, before long, you had fallen into a deep sleep.

Luckily for Kyojuro, not even the world coming to an end could wake you tonight. As he had done many nights before, he stepped onto the engawa and strolled to the door. There he picked the lock and slid it open.

Inside your home felt as it always did, peaceful and tranquil. Maybe it was just your energy, but regardless Kyojuro had never felt as peaceful as he did here. Here beside you.

He stood in the entrance of your room and admired you. How beautiful you looked sleeping so comfortably. It was amusing to him how you slept the same every night, one leg bent and the other straight, while one arm was always wrapped around a pillow and the other rested underneath your head. He chuckled quietly as he took his seat where he had many times before; it was a cushion conveniently placed against the wall. During the nights he came he would take his spot and lean against the wall while he silently watched you. Each night that he did he yearned for your touch, he wanted so desperately to be the one you cuddled so closely. But for now he was content with watching you sleep peacefully as he knew before long his dreams would become reality.

You stirred slightly and Kyojuro froze, but then you settled, falling back into your deep slumber. He released his breath and smiled, there had been several nights where you had almost caught him. One being particularly too close of a call for comfort.

A couple weeks before, you returned from a mission, it had been strenuous both the journey and battle. You were injured but not severe enough to warrant a visit to Shinobu, instead you opted to treat your wounds in the comfort of your home.

Kyojuro had followed you into battle and remained just out of sight. During the fight he almost jumped in to help, but you managed defeat the demon on your own. Your fighting style was confusing to anyone that watched you, you were the master of trickery. In one moment it looked as if you were leaving an opening for an opponent’s attack, but at the last second you would strike and rise victorious. The demon would only realize the full extent of your deception when it’s head was rolling across the ground.

‘Amazing!’ Kyojuro thought to himself as he saw your perfectly calculated performance. Your art was appearing weak and unbalanced while you remained in control the entire time.

After the battle had concluded, you sheathed your sword and turned towards the way you came. You made the trek home drenched in sweat and covered in dust.

Once home you wasted no time changing clothes, stripping them as soon as you walked through the door. Being that you were exhausted you had forgotten to close the door.

Kyojuro stood not far behind you, shielded by the shrubbery close to the engawa. He watched stunned as you removed the top layer of clothing off your body. Once he realized what you were doing, heat rushed to his face and his eyes widened. He audibly gasped and ducked further into the brush.

Although you weren’t fully unclothed, seeing more of your body rendered him into a blushing, fumbling mess. His hands trembled and sweat began to pour from his pores. Before, this had only been a dream, one he would think of you when he was alone late into the evening. But now you stood almost completely bare, your skin illuminated by the moonlight.

Kyojuro could feel his body reacting to the intimate scene in-front of him. His legs became weak and his blood rushed from his face to just below his belt. A rising tent formed in between his legs.

None the wiser, you picked your clothes up from the wooden floor and stepped inside; closing the door behind you.

When you bent to retrieve your clothing, Kyojuro groaned as the sight was far too much for him to contain. Once the door was closed he released the breath he had been holding in so desperately. Quickly he tried to calm himself as his length grew even more prominent, but all attempts were made in vain as the images of you flooded his perverse mind.

Unbeknownst to you, you wandered your home. You did small things that were required of you every evening. Watering your plants, changing clothes, cleaning your sword, and other small chores such as that. Once your nightly routine had been completed you walked to your room and shut the door. Inside you put on your usual sleep clothes and made yourself comfortable in bed. Tomorrow you would train and the day after that you would train some more. Even though you wanted so deeply to give up, to give in, you knew that you couldn’t. You could only get stronger and faster.

You quietly placed your sword at the side of your bed, then you laid down and sunk into the glorious mass of pillows. Seconds later you were asleep and Kyojuro was making his way inside. Kyojuro approached the door, his hands fumbled as he tried to pick the lock. Much to his surprise the door had been left unlatched.

‘Careless.’ He thought, as he silently slid the door open. The unlocked door was added to the many list of reasons why you needed him to protect you. What if someone where to come in and harm you? You slept far too heavy to sense them, you were leaving yourself open to intruders. It was dangerous! But if you had Kyojuro by your side you needn’t worry about such things as he would handle them. He would keep you safe, and to thank him, you would love him forever. He walked through your home making sure that no one else was around. Once he found that the home was all clear he walked into the kitchen and fixed himself a glass of water. He drank it and set the glass upside down beside the water pail absent mindedly. He then strolled to your room and opened the door. Inside, you lay sprawled across your bed, quietly snoring. Kyojuro laughed a bit at your position but nevertheless he came over and draped your blanket back on top of you. When he did the sweetest of smiles spread across your face, your body instinctively curled underneath the blanket and you sighed deeply. His heart leapt for joy, if only you knew he was the one that took such good care of you. Perhaps you would throw yourself into his arms immediately! Kyojuro could do nothing except kneel beside you and admire your beautiful face. How gorgeous you looked, how serene your expression is when you sleep. He had already been so riled up before, but now he his heart was nearly jumping out of his chest.

‘One kiss wouldn’t hurt.’ He thought to himself, still kneeling close beside you.

‘Just a small one, I doubt (Y/n) would even notice.’ He thought again as he began kneel closer. His heart raced now, he could hear his blood surging through his body. He inched closer and closer till his lips grazed the skin of your cheek. His breath came out ragged and starved, he craved this type of intimacy with you.

Very gently he placed a soft kiss on your cheek.

As a result you awoke from your sleep and instantly grabbed your katana. You unsheathed it and ran to search your home. You rummaged through each room and each time it returned the same result. Nothing. In your half awake fueled confusion your ran outside to investigate there and nothing was spotted again.

That night you failed to sleep as peacefully as you did before, in fact you spent most of your time grappling with what exactly had happened. It felt as though you had been touched by someone, it felt like someone had been there. But none had been seen, therefore you reasoned with yourself that a big had landed on your or maybe a mouse scurried past. You reluctantly let yourself believe your reasoning and tried to sleep.

‘What is more believable, a big landed on your face or someone came into your home late in the evening just for a chance to touch you?’

Kyojuro had successfully evaded your sight but only narrowly. Once he kissed you he saw your body jump and your hand shot underneath him to your sword. He had been on his feet and out of the house before you even opened your eyes. He fled out of the house and into the woods. He waited patiently till you settled down and went inside, then he waited just a bit longer for you to go back to bed. He was disappointed he couldn’t spend longer with you, but tonight you would have been far too on edge to return. In the end he got what he wanted, so with that he made his way back to his home to spend the rest of night.

The next morning you found something rather peculiar. One of your glasses sat upside down next to the pail of water you brought in the morning before. This was strange as you never set your glasses upside down, instead you dried then and set them back on the shelf. You stared at the glass in confusion. Perhaps what was even more startling was the fact that you did not drink any water when you got home the previous night. If you had, you would have taken it with you to bed.

Not wanting to spend another minute inside that house you gathered your belongings and left to train. Hopefully when you returned home that evening the glass would be on the shelf and the whole occurrence that happened the evening bedroom would have all been a dream.

————————————————————————-

Kyojuro smiled recalling the fond memory. Now he was far to aware of your capabilities to do something as risky as that, not to mention, being under the influence of lust aided in his rash actions that night. No, now he was far more in control of his feelings. He knew he needed to wait, that soon you would open yourself up willingly and accept him. Maybe after the two of you were together long enough he would confess to these things. Hopefully the two of you could laugh and it would become a joke between lovers. The was a beautiful thought to him.

He looked out the window and saw that the dark night was shifting to morning. The eastern sky displayed a pale blue and the stars began to recede underneath the presence of the rising sun. He had stayed much longer than he anticipated, now he would have to hurry to arrive at the train station on time. Kyojuro stood and walked towards your open door. Before he left he turned and look at you one last time.

‘I could do this forever.’ He thought. He could spend his life completely and entirely dedicated to you. He could wake early every morning and protect this world the two of you live in, forever until the end of time, if it meant he could be with you. He could do anything for you.

He stepped out into the blossoming light of morning, the ground wet with dew and the birds sang a merry song. His heart hung as he thought it to be such a glorious morning, one he believed would be better spent with you. Yet he continued on his way, the hearts of others took priority over his own. Soon enough the two of you could share tender moments such as these.

————————————————————————-

The light streaming in from the window pulled you out of your slumber. Instinctively your stretched your muscles and sat up from the bed. Your muscles sore from the training you endured the previous day, but now you had grown accustomed to the feeling. Groggily, with your still heavy with sleep, you managed to get out of bed and walk to your bathroom.

There you relieved yourself, took a bath, and combed your hair. Then you exited the bathroom and marched down the hall into the kitchen. After your bath your body had fully awoken. Now you walked through your house bright eyed and bushy tailed. You took the cup from your room and refilled it, with your water in hand you walked out onto the engawa to enjoy the morning.

It was beautiful, the sun shone brilliantly and earth seemed to come to life. Birds in the trees sang, wildlife scuttled across the open yard, and plants beamed with pride as the soft breeze swayed them gently. Today was a beautiful day for training.

You hastily ran inside to put on your training clothes and grab you sword. As you did you dried your cup and placed it on the shelf. You looked at the shelf and your mind brought back the memory of that strange night and the upside down cup. It had troubled you so much you mentioned it to some fellow slayers, they joked and remarked that it could have been a ghost. You were not fond of their playfulness as the situation seriously spooked you, but the more you thought about it the more the idea of a friendly ghost seemed to interest you. You named the ghost Yurei, and each morning you left you would yell,

“Bye Yurei! I’ll be back soon!”

It was a small habit you had formed and you practiced it religiously. In fact, you deemed it bad luck to leave your home without saying goodbye. As a result, you’d hear the faintest of footsteps and tiniest bit of rustling at night. And when these things occurred you’d smile to yourself and think,

‘It’s just Yurei, he’s getting himself a glass of water for the evening.’

It always set your mind at ease knowing your imaginary roommate was keeping you company.

Once you had collected your things and changed clothes, you bolted out the door hollering your usual goodbye. You waved as you took off down the road, hand held high and sword at hip. Today a feeling of joy filled your heart, you weren’t sure where it had come from but you welcomed is as it was a much needed release from the burden that slayers carried. Somehow you felt things were going to change and that excited you.

————————————————————————-

When you arrived at the training grounds, all was empty except for Mitsuri and several younger slayers she has taken under her wing.

“Mitsuri!” You called and she turned towards you. Once she saw you, she squealed excitedly!

“Oh, (Y/n)! It’s been so long!” She said in her angelic voice. She jumped with joy and held her arms open. You ran to her and scooped her up in the biggest hug you could.

“Ugh I know, it’s been far too long!” You replied, with your arms still wrapped around her. The two of you pulled apart and began to talk. After a short conversation you mentioned that you needed to get started training, she smiled and said the same. Before you could go to the other side of the training yard she called you back.

“(Y/n)! Let’s go out this evening after training, I have so much I need to tell you!” She said, her voice full of enthusiasm.

“Absolutely!” You agreed.

After the plans were settled, the two of you separated once again. You to the opposite end of the training yard, and her along with her tsuguko plus two others.

For hours the five of you trained parallel to each other. After the sun began to set, Mitsuri bid her students farewell and made her way to you.

You hadn’t noticed how dark it had gotten, your mind had shut out the rest of the world and the only thing you could see was the swinging of your sword. Mitsuri ogled your spectacular technique, she knew it was only a matter of time before you became a hashira. She stood off to the side and sing your praises internally.

‘She’s so amazing the way she tricks her opponents! She’s like an optical illusion! No wonder Kyojuro is watching her so closely!’

In one final swift motion, you soared into the air. Your legs hung loosely underneath you as your chest faced the clouds, in an instant you switched your body midair and positioned yourself in the perfect stance to administer a finishing blow. You landed nearly silent, you stood from your crouched position and sheathed your katana.

“That was so cool!” Mitsuri cheered, her gleeful voice pulled you out of your trance and back into reality.

————————————————————————-

“Hey, let’s go here, the food is amazing.” You said pointing at a small restaurant in the middle of town. Together you walked in, inside the dimly lit building you were greeted by a young woman. She smiled and took the two of you to a table. Afterwards she placed to cups of tea in front of both of you and left to give you some time to chose what you wanted to eat.

“How many demons are you up to now?” Mitsuri asked.

“43. As long as I don’t sustain any serious injuries, I hope to complete my goal by the end of the year.” You said, just then realizing how close you really were to becoming a hashira.

“Oh you are so close! I can’t wait! You have to sit beside me during the meetings!” Mitsuri chimed. Her cheerful demeanor was contagious, you smiled along side her and replied,

“Of course! Who else would I sit by?” You asked.

“What about Kyojuro? I’m sure he’d be fairly heartbroken if you weren’t close by, speaking of, how are you and Kyojuro? Have the two of you gone on any fun dates recently?” Mitsuri against with her head propped on her hands listening intently.

When you heard his name mentioned all color fled from your face and your heart sunk. You hadn’t thought about Kyojuro all day, and when she said his name the feeling of dread returned.

“Oh yeah, me and Kyojuro, well um, we are supposed to go out when he gets back from his mission. I think tonight he is supposed to be at the train station.” You said nervously, but your hesitation went unnoticed by Mitsuri.

“Ah! Are you two officially now? That’s wonderful! When is the wedding going to be? How many kids do you plan on having? Will the have hair like Kyojuro’s or will they have (y/h/c) like you? Will they use flame breathing or (y/b/t) like you? Can I babysit them? How often do-” You stopped her before she could keep going.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We haven’t even gone out yet!” You yelled bursting into laughter, although the situation with Kyojuro caused you some anxiety, Mitsuri’s rapid fire questioning made you lose all sense of seriousness.

“Oh, well I assumed from the way Kyojuro spoke the two of you had begun to get pretty serious.” Mitsuri replied, clearly surprised by your response.

“What do you mean?” You asked, the feeling of dread crept up into your chest.

“He mentioned several occasions the two of you spent time together, he seems absolutely smitten. He talks so loving of you and about the way you treat him. He even said that he was going to see you at your home one evening. It’s funny, there’s a joke circling about how you don’t see one without the other. Where you are, Kyojuro is never far behind.” She said nonchalantly as she sipped her tea.

You on the other hand remained speechless.

It was true.

You were right, Kyojuro had been following you.

Your hands trembled harshly against the wooden table, sweat began to drip from your forehead. Your mouth felt dry and the thumping of your heart pounded in your ears.

Mitsuri noticed your sudden change and spoke up,

“(Y/n), are you alright? You look pale.”

You looked at her saw genuine concern.

“Oh yes I’m fine! I think I just got a little too hot this afternoon!” You said quickly as you straightened up in your seat and wiped your brow. Your hands still trembled and your mind raced but you kept your composure the best you could.

The rest of the evening went on without a hitch, after eating and chatting a bit you had calmed down. Even enjoying yourself a bit as you and Mitsuri laughed the night away. But the thoughts of Kyojuro never left the back of your mind. As soon as you felt yourself begin to feel comfortable the image of Kyojuro carefully stalking you, watching and waiting. That was what terrified you the most, what was he waiting for? If all of what Mitsuri said was true, he had every chance in the world to do what he wanted. Yet he didn’t. Something wasn’t right and you could feel, he wanted something from you but you didn’t know what. Maybe he enjoyed the chase, the feeling of almost getting caught, or on a more concerning thought, he was waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Like an owl observing an unsuspecting mouse.

“(Y/n)?…(Y/n)?…(Y/n)?” Mitsuri’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts.

“Hm? Yes!” You said turning your attention to her. Big green eyes looked at you with concern, she knew you were distracted by something serious.

“Are you okay?” She asked, her voice comforting yet prying.

“Oh yeah, I’m alright. I think I may just be tired, yeah I’m just tired.” You replied, but she was not convinced. Even the way you spoke revealed that your attention was else where.

After another short conversation Mitsuri offered to walk you home. You politely declined and the two of you parted ways promising to meet up again soon.

Now as you made the all too familiar walk home your heart and mind drowned in a sea of emotions. First and foremost you felt tremendous guilt as tonight was to be spent having fun and enjoying each other’s company, but instead your anxiety took control. Overthinking was something that often plagued you and although you tried your hardest, your brain refused to cooperate. Knowing that this was a problem of yours made your emotions that much more difficult to decipher. Kyojuro wasn’t stalking you, the mere notion was ridiculous, given how skilled and observant you are now surely you would have spotted him. It was impossible to believe he had been following you, let only following you for weeks. You would have seen him, right? Or heard him? Kyojuro wasn’t very sneaky, and whenever he thought something he said it. He was a bit brash like that. Mitsuri probably took some very light compliments made towards you by him more serious than intended. This was all a misunderstanding and one day the three of you would laugh about it. In fact, it’s so outrageous, you’ll tell Kyojuro the minute he gets back. Yes, you’ll tell him when he gets home, you’ll meet him in town and you will go out together. You’ll share a silly moment and he will explain everything. There wasn’t anything wrong and he wasn’t stalking you. Yes, you are fine and just overthink things sometimes. You were tired and stressed, it’s no wonder you’ve been so erratic lately. You’ve been pushing yourself to the absolute limit and your mind was paying for it. You needed to rest, meditate, regroup, and when he returned talking with him to get peace of mind would help even more.

Yes, you are fine.

You are fine.

————————————————————————-

After night had fallen, and you had returned home, Kyojuro begun his mission. He met with a young man and the two discussed that of the Mugen train. It was the learned it was under repair but was set to return to work the following morning. The first demon he slayed during that night proved to be slow and he easily defeated him, saving the lives of others in the process. In fact he met a very kind, yet strong willed girl and an older woman at one of the train stations. The girl sold bento boxes which were in his opinion, delicious. He decided that after he defeated the demon that terrorized the passengers on the Mugen train, he would buy all of her bento boxes once again. He would bring you several as he knew you would enjoy them. Some day in near future he planned to bring you to a restaurant he found along the way as well.

When morning broke, Kyojuro bought a ticket and boarded the train. Tanjiro, Inosuke, and Zenitsu would meet him onboard, the four of them would then make quick work of the demon and return home. Then when he returned he would take you out, the two of you would share a nice evening and after he took you home, he would confess his true feelings for you.

As Kyojuro sat in his seat on the train car, he found himself staring out the window and imagining what life was going to be like after that night. When you heard how deeply he loved you, would you throw your arms around him and hug him in that overwhelmingly warm embrace you had or would you confess that you felt the same. Either way, he knew that you loved him back it was only a matter of coaxing out a confession from you. He couldn’t wait to hear the words,

“I love you, Kyo.” Fall from your lips. He would do whatever it takes to hear you say it.

He would kiss you a million times, hug you a million times, and protect you from a million demons if it meant you would utter the words that could melt his blazing heart.

Those thoughts filled his head constantly and his heart could do nothing but beat in leaps and bounds. How wonderful would it be to kiss you, how wonderful would it be to sleep beside you every night. When enough time had passed and the both of you felt ready, he hoped you would allow him the honor to explore your body and fulfill your every need.

His thoughts halted as his stomach began to growl. He looked to his side and saw the stacks of bento boxes still rest beside him, then he looked out the window once again. The sky has changed from a brilliant blue to soft orange as the began to set. This surprised him as he had apparently spent the day dreaming rather than focusing on the mission. He laughed at his absent mindedness; his boisterous laugh shook the cabin and startled the passengers. One man even turned to his wife to comment how strange Kyojuro was.

Once he regained his focus he reached inside the purple covering that held the boxes and fished out a beef bento box. He opened and was astonished by how wonderful the food looked. This surely had been made with love. Then another thought came to mind. Tanjiro and the others would be arriving soon, so he thought it best to set a couple back for them.

After setting aside six boxes, Kyojuro pulled apart his chopsticks and began to eat.

“Umai!”

————————————————————————-

Tanjiro, Inosuke, Zenitsu board the train and searched for Kyojuro on the accompanying cars. Inosuke proved to be difficult as he jumped from window to window astonished by how fast the train was moving. Zenitsu followed closely alongside him apologizing to the fellow passengers as Inosuke had stepped and shoved several.

Just as soon as Tanjiro opened the door leading to the next car, a rippling wave of sound blew past the three boys.

“Umai!” Yelled a strong voice from the other side.

The three entered cautiously and saw that exclamation came from a young man with fiery hair. He sat facing away from them eating eagerly.

“Umai!” He shout after every bite.

The three approached him and Tanjiro introduced themselves. After exchanging pleasantries, Kyojuro motioned for him to take a seat.

Tanjiro explained that the three were sent by the Kasugai crows to meet him there, then he asked Kyojuro about Hinokami Kagura. Kyojuro then confessed he did not know what it was and stated he have never heard the term before. He then questioned Tanjiro as to what color his sword was, to which the boy replied it was black. Kyojuro exclaimed at how unfortunate that was, but the boy needn’t worry as he would become his Tsuguko and that he would train all three boys. Tanjiro was grateful but he questioned what exactly Kyojuro was staring at. In fact he questioned twice and each time Kyojuro didn’t answer. This was because although his mind needed to be on the mission he couldn’t help but think of you. Every second of every day his mind was slowly becoming even more occupied by your image. But his attention was soon grabbed by the yellow boy and his many questions of the train. He explained the situation as many people disappeared on the train along with all the swordsmen sent to it.

Just as soon as Zenitsu began to wail the conductor entered from the back of the car and requested to see their tickets. Each one held out their ticket and the frail man punched a whole in all. As the man handed back Tanjiro’s ticket, Kyojuro sensed something amiss. He stood from his seat and revealed his sword.

The lights flickered and in a flash a hulking spiny demon appeared. It stood to a massive height and reared its ugly face, but Kyojuro calmly unsheathed his sword. He marveled at the beast’s blood demon art, but in the same breath vowed to take its life. When he held his sword, vibrant orange and red flames danced amongst the blade. The light from him alone illuminated the entire car. He instantly took his stance and held his sword above his shoulders, quickly he struck slicing the demon’s head off in one clean blow.

The boys praised his strength and speed, but now time was of the essence. Kyojuro sensed another demon was present and immediately gave chase. The three boys scrambled and followed suit.

Next Kyojuro stood face to face with a long, spindly, grotesque creature. It towered to the ceiling on tall legs, much like the first spikes riddled it’s body. Passengers fled past him in terror but he stood unfazed as he knew this demon would be dead in a matter of seconds.

Tanjiro and Inosuke charged forward ahead of him, the demon focused it’s attention on the remaining passenger. Kyojuro reminded it, that he was it’s opponent. Before another action could be taken Inosuke rushed the demon only to be passed Kyojuro. He scooped the man bridal style and dropped him at the end of the car. Kyojuro couldn’t help but think of him carrying you in such a way, even though the thought lasted a second. Lightening fast, Kyojuro ran and sliced this demon’s head off too in a singular blow. Tanjiro, Inosuke, and Zenitsu stood silent before shouting their praises and worship for Kyojuro, he only smiled and laughed as he knew he would make fine swordsman of the boys.

Some time later, they returned to their original seats. Inosuke laid across Zenitsu and snored loudly, while Tanjiro rested his head against Kyojuro. All four were peacefully sleeping, blissfully unaware of the true nightmare that was unfolding.

————————————————————————-

Kyojuro’s sleep fell upon him heavily and sudden. His muscles relaxed, his eyes fell closed and his breathing slowed tremendously. Before he could process what was happening to him he began to sink, sink into an over encompassing slumber.

He could see the sun through the clear water, but the further he descended, the more the sun failed to reach him. He lost sight of the surface as bubbles rushed around him.

It was bright, the sun peaking through the window was ever so bright in the morning. Kyojuro began to stir but the bed he laid in was so comfortable, he didn’t want to leave.

‘I’m in a bed?’ He thought and then his body full awoken as he leapt to feet. He ran towards the door and snatched it open,

“Tanjiro!” He yelled, worry taking a hold of him as the slayers he was protecting couldn’t be seen.

“Kyo? Are you alright?”

The voice made him pause. He turned and that it was true. You stood before him, just as beautiful as you always were. You wore a (f/c) kimono, one that looked similar to one his mother wore. The sight alone stunned him into silence.

“You aren’t looking so well, do you need something to drink?” You asked, a look of confusion and concern spread across your face.

Kyojuro stumbled towards you, his arms extend and his fingers trembled. Once he had you in his arms his hands cupped your face, he looked at you desperately. Then he pulled you into his chest and he rested his chin on top of your head. His body shook and shuttered as sobs fell from his lips, quickly you pulled away and started drying his tears.

“Oh Kyojuro, don’t cry baby. What’s wrong?” You asked while wiping his tears and holding his face.

“I-I don’t know.” He choked in between sobs.

“I’ve just waited so long for this, I never thought it would come.” He said as he buried his head into your shoulder and squeezed you tightly. You winced and pushed back slightly,

“Careful, the baby.” You said as your hand rested gently on your growing belly.

“Baby?” Kyojuro asked.

“Um, yes…your baby Kyojuro.” You replied a bit confused.

Kyojuro dropped to his knees. Shock and amazement took over him and he instantaneously wrapped his arms around you again. His hands roamed your body feeling every curve, then he pressed his ear against your belly. Very faintly he could hear the subtle thumps of a fellow heart.

Just as quickly as the tears started before, they started again and he sobbed into your kimono.

“Kyojuro what has gotten into you? Did something happen?” You asked as you knelt down to him, you stroked his hair and held him close as he sniffled.

“I promise to be the best father I can be. I promise.” Kyojuro said still overcome by emotion.

“You already are, Kyo.” You said, and this caused him to lift his head.

“What d-” Before Kyojuro could question even further the sound of pattering feet came rushing towards him.

“Daddy!” Called two voices in unison.

He turned just in time to see two bouncing and bounding little boys headed straight for him. They each jumped and tackled but Kyojuro was fast enough to catch them. Giggling and laughter ensued as the boys tried to break free from his grasp and continue their shenanigans. Instead Kyojuro hugged them tightly. His heart was so full, seeing this truly wonderful life nearly brought him to tears again. Instead, he stood from the floor holding a boy under each arm. The boys cheered and giggled, begging him to spin them around. He obliged and as he spun the boys held out their arms, cheering once again.

Kyojuro could see the blissful smile on your face, you looked happy and content. Seeing your reaction made his heart swell with pride.

He placed the boys back on the floor and they took off outside. You giggled at the boys antics, very energetic just like their father.

Kyojuro admired you before walking and wrapping his arms around you. He held you from behind, his face resting on your shoulders and his hand placed on your belly. He sighed happily as he embraced his loving spouse and watched as his children ran wild in the yard.

“What is it, Kyo?” You asked.

“This-it’s all so beautiful, it’s like a dream.” He replied nuzzling his face into your hair. You hummed in reply as your hand reached around and cupped his face. As you did his hand met yours, he held it gently as he spun you around to face him. The softness of your eyes never failed to render him speechless. He tilted your head up with his thumb and leaned in, the kiss the two of you shared was far more wonderful than he could have ever imagined. He moved from lips and began to pepper your face and neck with quick pecks, this earned him your beautiful smile and soft giggles once more.

“Kyo, stop! Stop it, the kids are around!” You said in between laughs, but this failed to stop him, as he only continued with his attack.

“They won’t notice if we are gone for a little while.” He whispered huskily in your ear, his body shaking in anticipation to touch you.

“Let’s continue this later!” You said smacking your hands against his chest playfully.

“But what if I can’t wait till later?” He replied still kissing you, now leaving small bruises on your neck.

“Why don’t I make breakfast first, then we can discuss it, hm?” You asked and this caught his attention.

Almost on cue his stomach began to growl. He knelt in and placed a final kiss on your lips and released his grip on you. You smiled cheekily as you walked past and placed a small pat on his backside. He turned and grinned at you before returning the favor. He always loved the blush that would appear on your face afterwards.

Then the two young boys came running back into the house, each grabbed one of Kyojuro’s hands.

“Come outside! Come outside! Come outside!” They demanded and though Kyojuro wanted to stay and see just how riled up he could get you, he couldn’t deny the pleas of his own sons. Before he ran outside to join he came to you, he placed another kiss on your forehead and turned towards the door.

“It’s time to wake up, Kyojuro.” You said in a serious tone. This has caught him off guard and turned back towards you.

“What was it?” He asked, hoping he hadn’t upset you.

“Hm? Oh nothing breakfast will be ready soon.” You said accompanied by a smile.

“Oh.” He replied trying to make sense of what happened. He pushed it out of his mind and walked out to the boys.

Together the three played all sorts of games. The sound of their laughter could be heard for miles.

“Count to ten!” The boys called and Kyojuro turned to face the bark of a willow tree.

“Cover your eyes!” They called as they gingerly ran for a hiding spot. Kyojuro couldn’t help but chuckle at their silliness, as he knew it would only take him a matter of seconds to find them. Kyojuro closed his eyes and covered them with his hands, when he did he noticed the darkness seemed much more dense. It was black as night even though his hands only covered his closed eyes. Next the ground underneath him shook and sounds of a roaring horn came after.

Flashes of the train appeared in his eyes and then the image of young girl. A young girl who was some how inside his mind, he could see her wandering throughout his dream and finally disappearing behind a corner. Then the image of the same young girl attached to him by rope appeared. The horrendous stench of demon blood entered his nostrils and made him recoil in disgust. He fell to the ground and opened his eyes. Tears fell from the once again, but instead of joy being their cause, now it was sadness as he knew this was a dream.

His boys ran over to him,

“Dad!” They yelled. The commotion took you from your cooking and you came to the door.

“Kyo!” You called as you ran towards him. Kyojuro clutched the earth as helpless tears came tumbling down.

“I’ll go get you some water!” You said hastily, then you ran inside and out of sight. One boy ran with you while the other stayed at his side.

“Is it time to wake up already?” The child asked, Kyojuro turned and saw that the young face that had worn nothing but a smile now looked gravely serious. Before Kyojuro could question deeper, you interrupted,

“Here, drink this.” You said as you held a cup full of water. He took it from your hand and took a small drink. He turned and saw the worried faces the three of you wore; it left him heartbroken.

“I’m going for a walk.” He said his voice unsure and upset.

“Are you sure you don’t want to eat first breakfast is almo-” He cut you off before you said anything else.

“No, I need to go for a walk. I want the three of you to go inside.” His voice dangerously serious. Your expression changed from concern to hurt, Kyojuro’s soul ripped in half seeing you upset by his words.

You quietly ushered the children inside before closing the door behind you, Kyojuro covered his mouth so that his weeps were not heard. Quickly he ran through the gates and down the gravel path in search of the girl he saw.

Anger fueled his rage as he desperately searched for her, visions of the train and the light fading through rippling water flashed in front of him as he careless ran around what seemed to be endless turns. Tears stung his eyes as he knew he had to leave but didn’t, his heart yearned to go back and lay in your arms just one last time. Just one last time to kiss you, to hold you, and believe that this was real. Yet he knew that it wasn’t and to get back to the real you, he needed to wake up.

As he ran recklessly throughout his dream trying to escape, in reality he held the young girl that entered his mind by the throat.

She wiggled and writhed in his grasp, choking from his strong grip; It was tight enough to stop her, but not tight enough to kill her.

With a loud scream, Tanjiro awoke from his dream. His hands instinctively reached for his neck to ensure his head was still attached. He caught sight of Nezuko who looked him with confusion. Then Tanjiro noticed the others, Kyojuro held a girl up by her neck, Zenitsu and Inosuke still fast asleep. Each one attached to the other people by ropes that vaguely smelled of demon. He inspected the one at his wrist, but then he smelled a different scent. A much stronger demon’s blood; tucked away in his haori, he pulled out his ticket. When he brought it to his nose the stench was prominent and repulsive. He then knew that the earlier demons slayed on the train was not the real threat, but another. He asked that Nezuko burn the ropes on the others to, as he felt that cutting them would be wrong.

After Nezuko had released the boys from their bindings, Tanjiro desperately tried to wake them. None of which awoke.

When Kyojuro’s rope was cut he released the young girl and sat down. He still slept but his rest was far from peaceful as he ran desperately in search of a way to get out.

————————————————————————-

Tanjiro was then met with the people that had invaded their dreams, swiftly he defeated them all; knocking them unconscious. He felt regret as he knew that the demon had promised them what they had lost or what they could never have; silently he prayed for their peace.

He turned to Nezuko and took her by the hand. Together the two ran to the end of the car, there he opened the door and much to his surprise a horrid scent filled his nostrils.

Quickly he made his way out of the car and onto the roof. There he called to Nezuko to go and wake the others. Tanjiro was then met with the demon responsible for all the carnage, he stood ready for any attack thrown his way.

————————————————————————-

The rushing water appeared around him again, in an instant Kyojuro burst awake. He took in the scene around him, pulsating flesh oozed out of every crack and hole of the interior in the train car. Instinctively he drew his sword and began to slash the wriggling tentacles. As he did he noticed more started to form, this demon was proving to be far more difficult than the ones before. Nevertheless he calmly approached them, sword in hand.

“To think that all of this happened while I was dozing…” He uttered as he approached two more disgusting limbs.

“How could this be?” He asked himself; the previously severed tentacles rose once again.

“I’m ashamed as a Hashira.” He drew his sword once again, holding it high above his shoulders.

“If only I could crawl under a rock!” He yelled before igniting the entire car in a blazing tornado of flames. The flesh sizzled and recoiled from the burn. The move was so powerful it lifted the train from its tracks and back down again.

Kyojuro then ran and found Tanjiro, he knelt to his level. He ordered that him and Inosuke find and demolish the demon before it has a chance to harm any of the passengers. He would protect the back five cars, while Nezuko and Zenitsu would protect the rest.

In an instant, Kyojuro disappeared and ran through the cars. His speed so intense it shook the cars themselves. As he sped through, the sight of the sleeping passengers bled together, the sight of their faces blurred. Kyojuro soon found Inosuke and he gave him the same orders that he gave to Tanjiro. Afterwards he returned to the last five cars, there he slashed his way through each and every groping arm; blood soaked his sword and painted the walls around him.

As he cut through the last of the arms in the last car, terrifying sight came upon his eyes.

Sitting the front row, another arm sprung from the wall and reached for you. You laid there sleeping, head propped against the side of the chair. Your (h/c) hair undeniable.

“(Y/n)!” He called, his voice booming and full of fear. His heart clenched and his breathing hitched as the arm slinked closer towards you.

He jumped into action and not a second later, was the arm detached and flopping loosely on the floor. He turned to grab you but much to his disbelief, you were nowhere to be seen. There had not been anyone sitting in that seat, it had had only been a fiction of his imagination.

A few moments after a deafening scream rattled through the train, he turned and watched as the skin of walls squirmed in discomfort.

Then out of the corner of his eye you appeared again, he turned quickly to find nothing except another growing limb protruding from the splintering wall. He made quick work of the arm before turning, and once more he caught a glimpse of you. This time you stood at the end of the car waiting for him.

As he cut his way through and while he protected all the passengers on board he called your name,

“(Y/n)!” He yelled and just like before, he would catch the smallest bit of you before you disappeared. Each time that he went to look at your image directly he would instead see another slimy tentacle reaching out for him.

Soon he realized that where he saw you, he saw a passenger in need of saving. Therefore each time you appeared he’d follow your invisible steps and allowed you to guide him through the train cars.

He was frustrated, not only with the constant barrage of attacks but that fact he let himself sleep will there was a demon on board. People couldn’t gotten hurt, and worse-killed. He was disappointed in himself but nevertheless he continued to fight with his imagination of you guiding him. That was until he heard your voice.

“Kyojuro, catch the passengers…” Your voice spoke, gently but commanding.

Just as soon as your voice reverberated in his ears, the sounds of squeaking metal overtook your words. Next the vibrations and the wining of the train cars being derailed came.

Far faster than any human could react, he soared through car to car, scooping up passengers and carrying them to the last car. Once sure every passenger was safe, your voice arose once again,

“Hold on to something…” Your voice whispered in his ear. He didn’t think on your words, only acted. He held the passengers together as he gripped the seats in front of them. If any were to fall he would catch them.

All seemed to slow in that last second. Through the window he could see as the cars leading to his all jumped and crashed to the sides of the tracks. His was next and his body braced for impact.

————————————————————————-

The trained soared through the air for what seemed like hours, Kyojuro desperately held the passengers together. He knew that some would be injured, but he would not allow any to die. As the cars flipped and continued to fly he saw you. This time when he turned to you, your image stayed and you did not fade. Standing beside him together the two of you held the passengers in place.

Kyojuro was star struck as he stared into your eyes, how did you know to come? Were you actually here or were you another figment of his brutal imagination. Regardless, you turned to him and smiled.

“Keep them safe…it’s not over.”

The side of the train crashed into the ground, the jarring wails of people and the cries of the train erupted as a crater was smashed into the ground from the cars. Trees were demolished, ground scraped till nothing but rock and debris were left behind. The structure of the car itself collapsed into itself and left splinter ball of rubble.

————————————————————————-

When Kyojuro opened his eyes he was met with faces of groaning passengers, one by one he took them from the battered cars and set them nearby. He addressed their injuries and determined not a single one’s life was threatened. He smiled triumphantly as he had succeeded in keeping them safe. He left them as he went to assess the other damages and other passengers. In his heart he thanked you, even if you weren’t truly there you gave him the strength to continue on. This mission had been a bit more difficult than previously thought, but he remained un injured. When morning arrived he would help the others to the butterfly estate, and then he would return home. First he would stop and eat, then he would go back to his estate to freshen up a bit. Afterwards he would go find you wherever you may be and ask you on a proper date. The dream he had been thrusted into was the most beautiful world he could have possibly ever imagined, now he had ever intention of making it his reality.

As he walked through the wreckage he found Tanjiro lying on his back. He spoke with him and reported that all passengers were safe, all he needed to do now was rest and wait.

“Kyojuro behind you!” Your voice came to him, quickly he turned, shielding Tanjiro. His hand gripped his sword as his eyes searched through the fog.

His focused settled on figures crouched not to far away. Stripped tattoos ran up and down the assailant’s body and face.

Kyojuro sat ready, his ears waiting for your voice to arise, his eyes watching carefully for the first move.

As the smoke cleared, the figure became visible now. Squatted on both legs, the individual sat ready with in hand on the ground and the other propped on his thigh. Unruly pink hair sprouted from his head and chiseled muscles covered his chest to his arms. Most terrifyingly his eyes read,

‘Upper three.’

Kyojuro knew this is what you had meant by it not being over. He was foolish to let his guard down so easily.

Before anything could be said the demon jumped from his position with the intent to kill, but before he could reach Tanjiro, Kyojuro’s blade sliced clean through the demon’s arm.

The demon jumped back and bounded backwards, his arm instantly regenerated as if it had never sustained an injury.

“That’s a fine sword.” Spoke the stripped man as he licked the blood from his previous cut.

Kyojuro remained silent as his mind pondered the individual in-front of him.

‘He sure can regenerate fast. This heavy and overwhelming demon aura…So, this is an Upper Rank.’

Then Kyojuro spoke,

“I can’t understand why you’d go after a wounded person first.” Kyojuro stood before Tanjiro, he was willing to lose his life if it meant he’d keep him safe.

“He could get in the way of the chitchat…of you and me.” The demon replied, his piercing eyes still gazing upon a struggling Tanjiro.

“What would you and I have to talk about?” Asked Kyojuro.

“I��m meeting you now for the first time, but I already dislike you.” He said with a bit of venom in his voice.

“Is that right? Well, I loathe weak humans, too. The sight of a weakling makes my skin crawl.” The demon said.

“Then, it looks like our senses of value are completely different.” Kyojuro replied shortly, blade in hand.

“All right, then I have a brilliant proposal for you. Why don’t you become a demon, too?” He asked.

“I will not.” Kyojuro’s fixed upon him, not an ounce of emotion was shown on his face.

“I can tell your strength at a glance. You’re a Hashira, aren’t you? Your fighting spirit has been honed to the hilt. It’s close to the realm of the highest.”

The air grew more and more tense as they continued.

“I’m the Flame Hashira, Kyojuro Rengoku.” His eyes stayed steady and his face never faltered.

“I’m Akaza. Kyojuro…Let me tell you why you can’t enter the realm of the highest. Because you’re a human. Because you’re going to grow old. Because you’re going to die. Become a demon, Kyojuro. Do that, and you can go on training for a hundred, for two hundred years. You can become stronger.” Akaza taunted, extending his hand to Kyojuro.

As Kyojuro stared forward he pondered Akaza’s request. It repulsed him and the idea of living in that eternity seemed more like hell than anything else he could have imagined. To live a life in the darkness of night, reaping the souls of the innocent to fuel his own arrogant need to be stronger-to be powerful. The thought alone wrenched his heart, even more evil, he thought, would be to live a life away from you. To live without you, that would truly be hell.

“Both growing old and dying are part of the beauty of being an ephemeral creature like a human. The fact that we grow old and die is what makes human life so unbearably precious and noble. Strength isn’t a word used to describe just the body. This boy isn’t weak! Don’t insult him. I’ll repeat it as many times as it takes. You and I have different senses of value.” Kyojuro spoke, his stance just as strong and determined as his voice.

“No matter what the reason, I will not become a demon!” He finished, his hands gripping the handle of his katana tightly.

“I see.” Akaza said before slamming his hand into the ground and shattering the Earth. Around him a glowing red snowflake appeared on the ground.

“Technique Development…Destructive Death…Compass Needle!” He exclaimed, his voice gruff and full of anticipation. Red light changed to blue as Akaza prepared to make his first assault.

Kyojuro stood ready, although his heart trembled he did not show it. He knew this battle that was about to unfold would be brutal and bloody.

“If you refuse to become a demon, I’ll kill you.” Akaza’s words angered Kyojuro. He spoke so confidently as if this fight were going to be an easy one, he would soon learn the full extent of a mere human’s strength.

Faster than any demon he had encountered before, Akaza charged at him. Kyojuro held his sword ready, and as his fist blew past his face with alarming speed all that could be heard was the powerful blows being absorbed by his blade.

The battle was on, flashes of blue and orange illuminated their dance as Akaza sent flying punches and Kyojuro blocked every one with his flaming katana. Dust swirled around them, only small sparks and fiery slashes pin pointed their location. Tanjiro kneeled some distance away and watched in fear as Kyojuro ruthlessly fought.

‘I can’t lose. I have to keep fighting, I have to protect the others.’ Kyojuro’s mind spoke as he delivered swing after swing and block after block.

‘No I won’t, I won’t lose. I won’t lose, I have to win for-’ His mind stopped, through his conflicted thoughts you appeared. You were how you always were. Eager, determined, bright. Your smile was as warm as ever, your laugh as joyful as ever. How wonderful you really were never failed to amaze him.

“Kyo!” You called, your arms extended out to him as you reached for a hug. For a split second he almost lowered his weapon but then the constant barrage of attacks brought him back into reality.

“There were never any Flames among all the Hashira I’ve killed until now.” Akaza jeered, his fist perpetually being stopped by Kyojuro’s weapon.

“And no one every took me up on my offer either.”

In a split second, Kyojuro swung his sword directly into Akaza’s wrist.

“Why do you think that is?” Akaza asked, as if they were only chatting and not in the midst of a gruesome fight.

“As a fellow martial artist, I just don’t get it. Not when only the chosen ones can become demons!” Akaza continued to taunt, but only a moment later did Kyojuro slice Akaza clean off.

It regenerated instantly and he threw another punch at Kyojuro. It was caught once again by the hilt of his sword.

“Watching the hideous decline of someone blessed with extraordinary powers…it pains me, I can’t bear it! Die, Kyojuro…While you’re still young and strong.” Kyojuro had effectively stopped his blow from landing, but together their strength were far too strong. They now stood face to face.

Kyojuro swung his blade between them, beautiful flames scorched the edge and threatened to slice through Akaza’s skin.

Akaza jumped back, his agility unmatched by any other.

“Destructive Death…Air Type.” He announced as his fist charged with the power of his blood demon art. But the blow was not a physical one, rather a forceful blow of energy. Kyojuro quickly looked around him before the invisible strike hit his katana, it was so powerful that it made him flinch and slide on the loose ground.

He ducked and watched carefully as Akaza unloaded onto him another wave of attacks.

‘I see.’ He thought to himself as he analyzed his form.

“Flame Breathing…Fourth Form..Blooming Flame Undulation!” Kyojuro cried, he swung his sword up and as he did a cascade of yellow flames erupted from his katana. The fire stopped the air attacks from reaching him, he watched with determination as they steadily fell into the flames.

‘When he strikes the air with his fist, the attack will reach me here!’

Swing after swing Kyojuro effectively stopped each of Akaza’s air strikes, surrounded by the cover of blazing fire, Kyojuro felt his heart start to ignite. With each blink of his eye, your face was all that he could see. Your beauty, your body, your smile, your laugh, it was all needed before and it was all he needed now. He decided then that he would make it home to you, even if it were the last thing he did.

‘He can move faster than the blink of an eye’ Kyojuro thought.

Then Akaza returned to the ground, they stood apart from each other and smoke filled the space around them.

‘If I allow him to fight from a distance like this, slicing his head off will be tricky. In that case…’ Kyojuro lowered himself, in a spiral of blazing fire he rocketed forward. Before Akaza knew what had happened Kyojuro was a mere few inches away.

‘I’ll just have to get up close!’ His sword was drawn wielded faster than light. Only narrowly did Akaza dodge his cut.

“This superb reaction speed of yours..” Akaza said in astonishment of Kyojuro’s speed. His words were interrupted as another fiery blow whistled past him.

Now Kyojuro was more determined than he had ever been before in his life, it was seen in his terribly intense swings and the screams of his voice. Together the two fought impossibly fast and extremely hard. Their moves were indistinguishable as they were far too powerful to be seen by the naked eye.

“And these breathtaking sword skills will be lost, too…Kyojuro! Doesn’t that make you sad?” Akaza asked, defending Kyojuro attacks and propelling his own.

“It happens to everyone!” Kyojuro replied, blazing light encircled them both.

“It’s a fact of life for any human!” He cried, then the sound of Tanjiro struggling caught his attention.

“Stay where you are! If that wound reopens, it’ll be fatal! Stand back! That’s an order!” He yelled behind him. Inosuke and Tanjiro stopped in their tracks and watched hopelessly from the sidelines.

Again Akaza surged forward and sneered,

“Don’t bother with that weakling, Kyojuro! Come on, give me your best shot!”

Now the battle was becoming even more gruesome, Akaza challenging Kyojuro for more.

He soared towards him sword held high behind him, his eyes fixed on his neck.

He missed but not before his foot landed in the center of his chest sending Akaza flying into the forest surrounding the train tracks. Kyojuro gave chase and pursued him like a starving coyote trails an injured rabbit.

As he charged forward through the trees Akaza sprung from behind an oak and exclaimed,

“Nice moves!”

This startled, Kyojuro but only for a moment as the two engaged in their fight once again. A second of hesitation proved unfortunate for Kyojuro as Akaza too struck his with his foot and sent him soaring back out of the forest and into the clearing. He landed with a horrible crash and dirt coated the air from his impact.

Inosuke and Tanjiro called out for him, but their pleas fell upon deaf ears. The only thing Kyojuro could see was that of the encasing dust and the voice of Akaza.

“Turn into a demon, Kyojuro.” Akaza said cooly as he exited the woods.

Kyojuro steady himself on his sword, the kick along with the crash had been cruel. His body now ached as bones were broken and badly bruised.

“Fight me forever and get stronger together with me.” Akaza offered.

Kyojuro remained silent. He stay kneeling his weight held by his katana as his chest heaved.

‘Am I going to fail?’ His mind asked, as his body had long reached it’s limit. He could feel himself faltering and fading.

“You have what it takes to do that!” Akaza called to him.

The beating of his heart slowed as his body began to rest, surely now he was bleeding internally and it wouldn’t be long before he could no longer fight.

‘Is this how I am going to die…’Kyojuro thought again. His heavy breathing continued until something stopped him entirely.

“Kyojuro…keep fighting Kyojuro!”

Your voice. He heard it again.

“Keep going!”

“Get up!”

“Kyojuro, please!” Your voice urged.

His nerves began to tingle and his began pumping faster. He pressed his weight into his sword as he started to stand. Your words filled his soul and his fighting spirit was ignited once more.

“I’ll pass! Let me repeat it. I don’t like you! I will not become a demon!” He yelled to Akaza. He stood now with fury and rage fueling his strength. No more was he to think of dying here, he would live to see another day. Another day he would spend with you.

He surged into the air,

“Flame Breathing…Third Form…Blazing Universe!” He came down upon Akaza’s head, flames consumed them both.

“Magnificent! That’s sensational!” Akaza adored while blood spurted from his body.

“Destructive Death…Air Type!” He countered while charging head first.

Kyojuro blocked the first blow and it threw him back, to which he regained his footing and ran towards him, sword high above his shoulders.

“Keep fighting!” You echoed.

Kyojuro cut and slashed

“Keep going!”

He swung again.

“Please Kyojuro!”

Fire enveloped his blade. A punch flew past his head a few inches away, yet he swung again and the slash was caught on Akaza’s forearm.

“You still don’t get it? That if you continue attacking, you’re just getting closer to death, Kyojuro?” Akaza yelled, becoming frustrated with him.

“Don’t give in!” You voice called out through the sea of battle.

Although he knew, your voice was only heard by him. The voice that he knew his mind had conjured, he could feel your presence. Miles away you slept alone in bed but still your aura guided him. It pushed him to fight.

With a guttural scream, Kyojuro fought with all his might. His body was failing and his reflexes became slower but still he pushed. You pushed.

Blood now poured from his head and seeped into his eye.

“Flame Breathing, First Form…Unknowing Fire!” His massively strong attack severed both arms from Akaza’s body, almost as fast as they had been sliced off did they regrow.

“It would be a shame to kill you now! You haven’t reached your physical peak yet!” Rambled Akaza as he threw punch after punch, each were blocked or redirected by Kyojuro’s quick movements. But he wasn’t fast enough as a devastating blow hit him in abdomen, the force of Akaza’s punch so powerful it crunched every rib on his right side.

Kyojuro gasped and stumbled back, this stopped him for a moment as he drew his sword back.

“Second Form…Rising Scorching Sun!” Kyojuro swung his sword upwards and Akaza shielded his face from the flames. Blood could be seen leaking through his shirt.

Akaza jumped back and continued his assault on Kyojuro battered frame.

“In a year or two, you’ll have polished your skills even more, and you’ll have greater precision!”

Another blow landed on Kyojuro’s face, this time shattering his skull and cheek. He staggered backwards, his left eye clamped shut from the blood. He ran towards Akaza, his mind now occupied with every intent to kill.

“Third Form…Blazing Universe!” Kyojuro screamed, his voice rough and coarse.

“Fourth Form…Blooming Flame Undulation!”

His constant pain mixed with fear powered his attacks, one after the other the battle grounds became a roaring wildfire. Both were at their limits, now was time for the final brawl.

“Destructive Death…”

“Fifth Form…Flame Tiger!”

“Disorder!”

Together the two surged towards each other colliding in a magnificent explosion of blue and red. In an instant Kyojuro sliced the arm of Akaza, he fell back and to the ground.

The battlefield became quiet as blood dripped from Kyojuro’s wounds. All that could be heard was that of his ragged breathing and the thumping of his heart.

Akaza stood and faced Kyojuro, he could see the desperation in his eyes, he was not far from collapse.

“Let’s fight more.” Akaza said while he stared at Kyojuro blankly.

“Don’t die on me, Kyojuro.” He spoke, but Kyojuro stood still. His breathing weak and forceful, the crushed ribs caused him immense pain as he drew each breath in and push each one out.

‘I…I don’t know if I can continue’

‘I don’t know if I will live’

“Kyojuro!” Your voice sounded as if it were miles away.

‘I don’t know if I can make it’

“Kyojuro!” You yelled closer now.

‘How can I keep on fighting?’

“Kyojuro!” You called from right infront of him.

His eyes shot open to see yours, your face worried and anguished. Your hands reached out and gripped his shoulders, he could see tears falling from your eyes.

“Kyojuro you have to keep going no matter how hard it gets, you have to keep fighting!” You ordered him, he could feel your desperation.

‘But what if I can’t?’ His mind questioned weakly.

“You have no choice, you have to. Keep going, don’t stop just because you are weak. Set your heart ablaze, Kyojuro!” He could see your face clear as day, the tears poured from your eyes as you begged him to fight.

‘I will fulfill my duty.’

As he opened his eyes, he knew that you would be gone. He mustered all the strength he had left, pulling his last remaining power from the tips of his toes to the ends of his hair.

“Even if you fight to the death, you can’t win, Kyojuro. Those impressive slashes you inflicted on me have already healed completely. But what about you? A smashed left eye, shattered ribs, and damaged internal organs…All irreparable. If you were a demon, you’d heal in the blink of an eye. Those would be mere scratches for a demon. You can struggle all you want, but a human can never beat a demon.” Akaza spoke watching as Kyojuro struggled to breathe. All had went silently and air became heavy with the feeling of dread.

Suddenly Kyojuro burst into flames, his hair and haori danced among the fire, this was the true power of a Hashira.

“Kyojuro, why…” Akaza watched in astonishment.

“I…”Kyojuro raised his weapon and assumed his stance.

“I will fulfill my duty! I will not allow anyone here to die!” His words were stone and his blade the law. Then and there he made a promise to himself that he would protect the innocent and return home. No one was going to stand in his way.

‘I’ll damage his body as much as I can in an instant!’

“Flame Breathing…” He lowered his stance.

“Esoteric Art!”

The raging fire around him spread to the far corners of the clearing. Akaza shivered as he saw Kyojuro’s true power.

“What a tremendous fighting spirit! Amazing aura despite all those injuries! That mental strength!” A sinister grin spread across Akaza’s face.

“That airtight stance! You have to become a demon, after all, Kyojuro! Let’s fight each other for all eternity!” Akaza could no longer contain his excitement, smiled enthusiastically as he watched in awe, marveling at Kyojuro’s strength.

Still encompassed in fire, using every fiber of his being he remembered your words.

“Set your heart ablaze. Go beyond your limits! I’m am the Flame Hashira…Kyojuro Rengoku!” Inside him fire rushed through his veins into nerves and throughout his muscles.

“Ninth Form…Rengoku!”

“Destructive Death…Annihilation Type!”

Kyojuro engaged his final form, his feet planted into the ground causing it crumble beneath him, a rising ball of fire surrounded his body. He surged forward with all his power, the most tremendous flaming trail followed him. His strength, combined with his spirit made him appear like a meteor making its way to the Earth. The tip of this rushing attack turned into the head of a mighty dragon, it screeched and took flight towards Akaza. Together they collided into an explosion of white light that caused the surrounding area to crumple and burn. Then a roaring tornado of flame and light erupted around them, inside Kyojuro sliced through Akaza’s arm all the way to the shoulder. He removed his sword and swung it down for the final blow. It cut through his neck before Akaza slammed his fist into the blade causing it to change courses and slice through his body. But as he held it inside of him, Kyojuro twisted the blade and drug it back through Akaza. As he did the flames grew stronger, Akaza’s face turned from ecstatic to terrified in the matter of milliseconds. He titled his blade up and sliced through his head, before it could regenerate he swung it back down again this time into the his throat.

He was spent, he no longer had any strength left to use. Pushed and the blade inched through, slowly cutting through Akaza’s flesh. Flashes of you, his future children, the peaceful life you two would once live. He pushed further, now he pushed with all that he had left. With one more intense howl, he severed Akaza’s head from his body.

The bellowing storm of fire dissipated, Akaza lay on the ground, his skin beginning to whither and turn into ash. Kyojuro stood motionless as he breathlessly watched Akaza decay, blood poured from his wounds and with each breath, splintered bones shredded his insides.

He had done it. He had won.

But now as he stood amongst the smoke in an empty battlefield, he could feel his body failing. The sounds of voices became muffled, his vision faded, and his muscles gave in. Kyojuro dropped to his knees, the early rays of sunlight shone across him.

“Rengokusan!” He heard called, the sound muffled and seemed far, far, away.

“Rengokusan!” His vision worse now, all he could see was the blurry landscape ahead of him.

“Rengokusan!” Skin drenched in blood, it pooled by his knees.

His last sight, before all had disappeared was a silhouette in the distance. Kyojuro reached his hand out, as if maybe he could touch them.

His breathing slowed even more now, the gushing of his injuries continued.

The sounds of approaching footsteps became louder and desperate calls for increased.

He extended his hand even further; darkness surrounded him.

“(Y/n)…”

————————————————————————-

A day had passed since Kyojuro’s mission. You received word that morning that although, there had not been a single casualty, Kyojuro was nearly killed. The news of this stunned you, so much so you almost fainted. The idea of Kyojuro being on death’s door sent shock throughout your body. He had fought an upper rank demon, but he just narrowly defeated them, was this the true power of an upper rank? What would have happened if you had been the one to cross path with them? You knew the answer, and it terrified you. Kyojuro was the strongest person you knew, aside from Gyomie, but still if an upper rank could be so ferocious that they almost killed Kyojuro surely you would have never stood a chance.

Immediately you gathered your things and made your way the butterfly estate. All the while you worried that when you arrived you’d be informed that he had passed. Once there you were meet with the nurses, they denied your request to see him, much like they had done to Kyojuro when he came to see you. And though their refusal angered you, you remained calm.

“I’ll wait here all month if I have to, but I’m not leaving. If Kyojuro doesn’t recover, I’d at least like to say goodbye.” You said, your voice serious and unwavering. Just as you had Shinobu appeared from one of the rooms, once she caught sight of you she came and grabbed your hand. Her grip was strong and grave, she knew the full extent of his injuries and she knew that his death was a very real possibility. Together, she led you to his room, but before she opened the door, she embraced you. Her hug was sincere, as she knew what it was like to lose someone so close. She pulled away and left you alone outside the door, calmly you opened it and stepped inside.

His condition was far worse than you could have ever imagined. If weren’t for the fact you could hear the weak thumping of his heart and his frail breaths, you would have thought a dead man laid in front of you. You observed his body, it was mangled beyond repair. Slashes, open wounds, burns, bruises, tears, all littered his body. The worst of all was his abdomen, so terribly battered his skin was entirely black and blue. Dried streams of blood caked his fingers and hair, his poor face swollen; held together by virtually a hundred staples and sutures. He did not look like Kyojuro, but you knew he was.

Tears welled in your eyes as you stepped near him and gazed upon his face once more. Wrapped almost in entirely in bandages, you took notice of his left eye. The skin around it was sunken, the bandages seemed to sink into the socket itself, it was then you realized it was no longer there. He would never be the same but he was still your friend, and you promised him there that you would stay by his side, just as he did for you. Before now you had been nervous, possibly scared of Kyojuro because of the thoughts you had of him. But all those concerns and fears disappeared as you looked upon him now.

You leaned down and combed his wild hair back that exposed the top of his forehead, gently you placed a small kiss on him and whispered.

“Rest well Kyo, I’ll be here.”

————————————————————————-

Several days passed before Kyojuro gave any sign of recovery. Only the sounds of his shallow breathing and the occasional nurse to kept you company. Though one morning, after you had awoken and returned from a run did you notice the first sign. You entered the room much like you had the previous days, you’d wake and take Kyojuro’s vitals, then once you were sure he’d be alright you’d leave his room and spend an hour or two running. This gave him privacy as the nurse would come in to change his bandages and wash him. Once you returned you walked in and set your stuff on the floor next to your mat that laid folded up. When you did a small groan escaped Kyojuro’s lips. Quickly you turned and rushed towards him and watched. Then to your amazement another groan was heard.

“Kyojuro?” You asked, anticipating the sound of his voice. But nothing came.

You took your spot next to him and held his hand as you usually did. You never realized how often you would spend chasing the sound of his laughter. Once again the tears arose in your eyes, and you gripped his hand lightly as you leaned your head against the wall.

“I never knew how much I’d miss your voice.” You said just above a whisper. Quietly you waited for a response, and you did you felt his hand in your constrict. He had squeezed your hand, but only for second till it returned to its limp state.

You gasped and smiled, hastily you ran to Shinobu to tell her. Outside his door you jumped and talked to her excitedly.

“I’m serious, first he groaned and then he squeezed my hand, I felt It, I felt it!” You exclaimed all without realizing that inside Kyojuro heard every word. A very frail grin graced his lips.

Kyojuro had heard you this entire time, even if it were only fragments of conversations he caught as he faded in and out of consciousness. But now he heard you clearly and lingered on your every word. He felt the gentle touches you gifted him, the way you so carefully took his pulse, the way you changed his bandages and dressed his wounds. Even more so, the way you held his hand so often and the kiss you planted on his head. He was in terrible, immense pain, but not that of his wounds, it was because he couldn’t return the favor. Night after night and day after day he listened patiently and took in everything. You talked of many things and asked him questions, one night you were even so brave as to mention the ghost that resides in your home. If Kyojuro could he would have chuckled as he knew then that you had heard him inside your home. Somehow though, this made him love you even more, your naivety was adorable.

He knew soon he would be strong enough to speak, and when he was able to he’d tell what has weighed heavy on his mind for so long. But things had changed, since his battle against Akaza and the train his mind had opened. The visions of you, the dream of the future you’d share together, it all brought him to an amazing epiphany.

When he awoke he’d ask your hand in marriage, and when he fully recovered the two of you could share a small ceremony to commemorate your bonding. Then you’d move in together and you could retire from the slayer corps. You could then spend your days alongside Senjuro, perhaps then you would learn some of the nurturing skills that were required of a mother. Of course, it wouldn’t be long before you became one after the two of you wed. Kyojuro would make sure of that.

The life he only experienced for such a brief moment while under the spell of a demon was that of what he truly desired. He now felt that it was his destiny, and he knew that you felt the same. Why else would you spend your days by his side caring for him, talking with him, wishing him well every chance you got. This was surely love, and the most rarest of all, true love.

He lay there peacefully waiting for your return, he wanted nothing more than to hear the excitement in your voice when you regaled to him the events of your morning workout.

————————————————————————-

Day after day, Kyojuro slowly but surely started to recover. The groans grew into muttered words, and then fragments of sentences. Soon he was talking clearly although his voice was rather raspy. His squeezing of your hand changed to the movement of all four limbs, now he could sit up and help with his bandage changes.

His progress was awe-inspiring, he had come so far in such a little time it made your fill with joy.

Now that he was doing better, you were gone for longer. You’d spend hours everyday training on the grounds of the estate, and when you finished in the evening you’d return to Kyojuro.

The sun had begun to set and once again you gazed into the endless sky of orange and pink. Each time you couldn’t help but think how lucky you were to be alive in a place so beautiful, incredibly blessed to observe the raw power and gloriousness of the world. You watched the horizon for just a bit long before sheathing your sword and stepping back inside of the facilities.

The nurses had grown accustomed to your presence, in fact you had made several new friends. One of which being a young girl named Aoi. She was blunt and feisty, but you enjoyed that as her personality reminded you a bit of someone you knew in the past. Oftentimes the two of could be found talking outside or in the halls about Kyojuro’s condition. More recently you had begun talking about regular things such as life and plans for the future. Aoi seemed somewhat content working as a nurse, but deep down you could see that heart weighed heavy with the thoughts of her final selection. She was scared and she believed that she only managed to survive by luck alone. Then again something about her yearned for battle, to prove herself wrong. Internally you decided that once you became a Hashira, you would ask if she would like to be your Tsugoku. You’d hope that she would, therefore you could help overcome her fears and be a person she was proud of. If she didn’t you would understand because at one time, you had been in the same position as she.

You walked through the corridors, waving at the girls as you passed by. Some of which spoke to you, while others simply smiled and waved. You arrived to the door of Kyojuro’s room, carefully you listened in and knocked on the door.

“Come in.” Kyojuro’s voice rang from the other side, it was gruff but you knew his words were filled with kindness.

You slid the door open and stepped inside, you felt it polite to knock before you entered as Kyojuro was now more than capable of changing his clothes and you thought it would be best that you gave him his privacy.

“How are you feeling?” You asked setting your things on the floor.

“Much better now that you are back.” He chimed as he sat up in bed reading one of the books you had brought him. You couldn’t help but smile at his words, always so cheerful and happy. You envied his positive disposition.

“How was your training?” He asked, closing his book and turning his attention towards you. You walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.

“It went well, I can tell I’m getting faster. Maybe I’ll be fast enough to beat you one day, huh?” You asked playfully patting his leg. Kyojuro smiled and laughed a bit.

“You could beat me now!” He yelled, his voice full of joy and laughter. His personal jeer made you giggle as although he had come very close to death, he acted like nothing happened at all.

After a short time of laughing and joking, the sound of your stomach rumbling caused you to stop.

“Have you eaten yet? I’m starting to get hungry.” You said and Kyojuro replied,

“Not yet, I was waiting to eat with you.”

You smiled and stood up from the bed, his kind words melted your heart. Your mind pondered how someone could be so incredibly caring, in the same moment Kyojuro thought the same of you.

“I’ll go grab us something, anything in particu-” Your words were stopped as the door was opened. It was Aoi and she seemed rather frantic.

“Aoi,is everything alright?” You asked growing more concerned.

“Your crow, it’s outside calling for you, it’s an urgent.”

Without thinking, you pulled on your haori and took up your katana. You turned to Kyojuro and walked towards him.

“I’m sorry, Kyojuro. I’ll be back soon, don’t over do it, okay?” You said as you wrapped your arms around his neck. He remained silent as he rested his head on your shoulder. You knew this had hurt him, you could feel the disappointment hanging in the air. You broke away from and started towards the door, as you did you turned and looked at him one last time. Sadness filled his eye, and his posture slouched, it did break your heart seeing him upset. He appeared even more pitiful as his arms, face, and torso were still wrapped in bandages, his wounds not completely healed. You smiled at him and sighed, swiftly you closed the door behind you and followed Aoi outside.

“Northeast-head northeast!” Your crow squawked as he circled above.

You turned to Aoi who stood not far from you.

“Thank you, I’ll be back soon, keep an eye on Kyojuro and make sure he doesn’t get into too much trouble.” You said jokingly, but the look on Aoi’s face was serious. She had taken what you said to heart and intended to follow through with your orders. She nodded in reply and watched as you began to start your mission.

The sudden sound of thuds and yells stopped you in your tracks, quickly you turned back. In the shadows against the paper doors you saw a figure walking through the halls of the estate trailed by the sound of frantic voices.

Pieces of words were caught by your ears, they seemed to be of concerned cries.

“Rengokusan! Not yet you are still injured!” The voices called from inside. Realizing that Kyojuro had risen out of bed and was making his way outside, you ran to greet him and usher him back into bed. That was until he stepped out onto the engawa, and what you saw frightened you beyond compare.

Three young nurses followed him, they desperately pleaded that he returned to bed but Kyojuro didn’t respond, he only stepped closer to you. As he did the wrappings around his abdomen began to slip and fall, revealing horrible wounds. As they were not healed entirely, each step he made caused the scars to rip open once more. His blood poured from the tears, his bandages fell from him and landed on the ground beside him. The skin underneath remained just as bruised and grotesque as it did when first arrived, the scene was gut wrenching; your hands covered your mouth as you watched in horror as your mangled friend approached you.

He stopped some distance away, his chest heaved and his breathing was struggled.

“Kyo..” You said still in shock by his performance, it left you scrambling as what to do next. Never had you thought he would have followed, not in this condition.

“You aren’t…going…anywhere.” He muttered, his face serious and awful. Blood continued to leak from his wounds, it dripped down his pale skin and onto the soft grass below.

All was quiet, neither you, the nurses, or Aoi spoke, instead every eye was in Kyojuro as he breathless stood waiting for your next move.

Your mind had frozen, this all seemed like a dream, not real, not happening, not at all. You thought maybe you’d awake leaned against Kyojuro’s bed in a cold sweat. Surely this wasn’t reality, surely he wasn’t demanding that you stay regardless of the mission.

“Kyojuro, what are you saying?” You asked, but Kyojuro did not answer instead he stepped towards you again, but before he got any closer Aoi stepped in-between the two of you. She stood in front of you, arms extended out to her side to shield you.

“Rengokusan, you have to get back inside now!” She demanded, her voice full of anger and her hands trembling.

Very calmly Kyojuro removed the last of his bandages, his upper half naked and saturated in blood. Lastly he removed the ones covering his eye, underneath showed his shredded face. The socket swollen and dripping. He threw the wrappings on the ground and looked at you. The horror of it all made you audibly gasp. Confusion, disgust, sympathy, and rage all boiled inside you.

‘What on Earth is he doing?!’ You questioned yourself.

Your hand rested on the handle of your katana, a terrible decision would have to be made if he continued even further.

Not a second later, did he surge forward. In a flash he grabbed Aoi by the arm and threw her to the side, the nurses screamed and ran towards her. You saw that he was coming for you next, instinctively you unsheathed your sword and held it in front of you. He was upon you before you had time to negotiate, you hesitated because as he ran towards you couldn’t dare stab the blade in him. You watched as it seemed to unfold in front of you in slow motion, Aoi struggling off the ground, the young girls running to her side, and Kyojuro towering above you. Only a few inches apart, he stared down at you while you shook in fear. He raised his arm and struck your sword from your hands with a hard hit of his forearm against it. You started to back away from him but he stayed right on top of you. Fear turned your veins into ice and you began to remember the all too familiar feeling dread that washed over you when you thought of him before.

“Kyojuro…” You said as you looked at him in terror, his face drenched in crimson, his remaining eye wide open and vicious grin spread across his lips. His hands grabbed the sides of your arms, the gripped tightly and feeling of welts developed where his fingers sunk into your skin.

“You aren’t leaving, I can’t afford to lose you. You need to be protected, you are careless and clumsy. Someone could easily hurt you, but I won’t allow that. No you will stay by my side forever. Until death do us part.” Kyojuro spoke, although he smiled the sound of his voice was sincere. He meant the words he said and there would be no way of escaping him, not now as he watched your every move and held you so tightly. He let go of your arms and wrapped them around your body, his embrace suffocating. He rested his chin on your head and his hand gently stroked your hair as he held your face into his chest. He sighed deeply and you could feel his blood soaking into your clothes. Quivering and shuttering you took in shaky breaths, your wide eyes searched around for a way of escape. Kyojuro shushed you as he felt your tremors, yet his calm voice did nothing to reassure you. Kyojuro’s hands moved from back and onto your arms once again, he held you away from him and he started deeply into your eyes.

“(Y/n), don’t you get it? We were meant for each other. You love me just as much as I love you, together we will have such a beautiful life, can’t you see that? No maybe you don’t understand right now, but you will. I saw it, you were happy, we were happy. In my dream on the train, we were married and had two wonderful sons! But most of all you were there, you were there on the train. You helped me save the passengers and defeat Akaza. Your love protected me during the mission, and when I came here, you stayed with me all this time! You do love me, I knew you always had! Together we will leave and we will go back to my father’s estate, I know it’s very soon but we will get married and start our life together! Doesn’t that sound wonderful? There you will be safe and I can protect you. You won’t ever have to worry about anything again! No more slaying demons or trying to become a Hashira. Not when you have me.” Kyojuro said, the words from his mouth held desperation. It seemed as if he was trying to convince himself more than he was you. You watched him and saw the strained look upon his face, he searched you for any type of positive reaction. He wanted you to agree, he wanted you to jump in his arms and run away with him into the moonlight but instead all he found was terror. He could feel how fast your blood was pumping, he knew he scared you, but he couldn’t give up now. You’d learn to accept him, learn to love him and cherish him. He knew that you already did, it was only a matter of getting your forgiveness for frightening you so bad that would be tricky. Perhaps, cuddling together would help, or maybe going out on a date. Surely you would forgive him then, especially when you saw how utterly loving he could be.

‘Yes, I’ll just have to earn her forgiveness and trust again.’ He thought to himself as he looked down at you. A stream of tears began to roll down your cheeks.

Carefully, he brought you back into his chest. This evening he knew would be the worst, as you would reject him at first but he hoped later you would find comfort in him. It would be a long and strenuous journey but eventually you would be his entirely; heart and soul.

While Kyojuro hugged you so tightly, you sought out a way to escape. If you were quick enough, you could knock him unconscious and bring him back into his room. There he could be examined once again as you were sure he was having a psychotic break. The strain of battle had put him under tremendous pressure, not to mention faced with your own mortality can cause someone to go over the edge. And that’s just what you thought had happened, he was just confused and needed to lie down. He needed rest, his physical wounds along with his apparent mental wounds had not quite healed. Your best chance now was too agree with him, from there you could determine your next plan of action.

You embraced him back, and he melted into your touch. The heaviest of sighs escaped his lips and leaned in you for more, you had not the slightest clue as to how long he truly had waited for this. As you held him, your next goal was to inform the nurses as to what you were doing.

Over his shoulder you caught glimpse of Aoi, and when you saw what it was that she was doing your heart began to race.

Stealthily, she crept across the lawn and retrieved your sword. Kyojuro had not noticed as he had been focused on you. You watched wide eyed as she slowly stood from the ground, katana in hand. You wanted so badly to stop her, but she raised the sword above her head and began to run towards Kyojuro.

Quickly you broke from Kyojuro’s grasp, pushing him back with your palms. His face was distraught till he realized what you were doing. As you shoved him out of the way your ran before Aoi and held your hands up to block her attack.

“Wait!” You screamed, standing in between the two of them. Kyojuro walked up behind you but you stopped him with your arm.

“Just wait a second, okay?” You said Aoi, she stared at you confused as you turned back towards Kyojuro.

“Yes, Kyojuro let’s go back home, and when we get there we will discuss getting married, okay?” You asked him, at first he had not reacted and only looked at you. But before anything else could be said, his hands hastily gripped your face and smashed his lips into yours. The kiss was passionate and hungry, he groaned as he felt your hand reach up and cup his face. You broke away from the kiss but still held his face close to yours.

“Before we leave, I need to get your stuff and talk with the nurse, alright?” You asked, your voice gentle and calm. He shook his head and his eye never left you. You smiled and placed a small kiss on his forehead before saying,

“Can you stay here for just a second, I’ll go grab your stuff and then we can leave.” And he quietly obliged, he now acted as if he were a small child and not the strongest person in the entire estate. If he wanted he could slaughter everyone and take you hostage, but instead he agreed. He stood calmly and seem to almost sway with excitement, his face bore a cheerful grin that indeed lifted your spirits.

‘He just struggling, right now, soon he will be back to normal. In fact I doubt he will remember any of this tomorrow.’ You thought to yourself as you smiled at him once again and walked to Aoi. Once next to her you pulled her beside you and whispered,

“Kyojuro, isn’t doing well right now. I think the stress along with how traumatic the fight was is causing him some serious distress. I’m going to take him home for this evening and maybe tomorrow he will be willing to come back. He far too strong to be taken by force, none of would ever be able to get a sedative in him. Tell Shinobu what is going on and tell her to meet me at the Rengoku estate tomorrow, there we see what we can do. As of now, I’ll go back inside and grab a couple of our things, maybe some supplies to dress his wounds as well. Watch him and if he tries anything call me and I’ll be out here to handle it.” You said to her and she nodded, as you walked from her, past the nurse, and inside she watched as you cautiously walked in and gave a small glance towards Kyojuro. He stood facing the wind, enjoying the cool night summer breeze. Aoi turned to him and observed him carefully, she wasn’t aware of his strength but she knew better than to confront him. Nervously she payed close attention to his every move, Kyojuro hadn’t really seemed care. His mind was occupied with the realization that everything had gone according to plan, you accepted his proposal, and now the two of you were going home. He was easily the happiest he had ever been.

Not long after, you appeared from inside the building. In your hands you carried his clothes, his personal belongings, both of your katanas, and a bag filled with medical supplies. You made you way to him and he held out his elbow. You interlocked arms and started to walk towards the front gates. You turned to Aoi, and nodded. She returned the gesture, you watched he and saw that as you cleared the gates she began to search for Shinobu. The three nurses followed suit and split up. You smiled and held Kyojuro arm close to you, he looked down at you smiled. Together the two of you walked out the gates and onto the dirt road, soon you would be home. There you hoped that he calm and fall asleep. The next morning you would explain what had happened, and then he would return to the estate to continue his recovery.

‘He just needs time.’ You thought to yourself.

“Tomorrow will be better.”

#demon slayer #demon slayer requests #hashira x reader #demon slayer x reader #hashira headcannons #yander rengoku #yandere kyojuro rengoku #yandere rengoku #kyojuro rengoku x reader #kyojuro x reader #rengoku x y/n #rengoku x reader #kyojuro rengoku #kyojuro smut #rengoku smut #kny smut #hashira smut

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whump-in-the-closet · 10 months

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(Re)Introduction

—because I never got around to making one when i first made the blog—

The name is Troy and i am a sleep-deprived guy on the internet. I have currently three monster energy drinks inside me. I love reading (yes this means you can shamelessly self promote your fics and i will shamelessly devour them)

If you couldn’t tell by my url, i’m into whump, so here are a few tropes that are a favourite of mine (ranging from very vague to very specific)

plot driven whump

forced to kneel

stoic whumpees

fantasy whump

inhuman whumpees

whipping

dehumanization arcs

revenge arcs for the whumpees turned whumpers

antagonists turned whumpee (yeah i mean villain whump)

waterboarding

broken bones

vicious beatdown

interrogation whump

i could go on for a while, so i’ll stop there. The only thing i will say is that i won’t read/write NSFW stuff. Anything else is fair game. I currently have two active series im working on, both fantasy whump. And asks are always open!

Idk what else to say. This feels awkward and badly worded. Maybe i need to keep this in my drafts for another millennia. it’s been here for eight months already. maybe i need another monster energy—

#might delete later #i’m running on three hours of sleep hahahhahaha #that laugh is a cry of despair #anyway #whump intro #whumpblr #whump community #whump introduction #troy talks #fuck it im posting this

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whistwhistler · 1 year

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some thoughts on jane tennant & kate whistler and the awful takes i’ve seen on their characters so far...

I think there’s a particularly harmful narrative out there that has been started that Jane “uses & abuses” the people around her (namely, Whistler) when she needs something or when she’s in trouble and I just think that’s incredibly antithetical to who she’s been designed and created to be as a character. Do you really think the writers would a) do that to Vanessa (or Tori), b) be so careless in handling an incredibly complex, woman of colour (and in senior leadership, no less) who has been involved in the espionage game and all the toxicity surrounding espionage, war, intelligence and politics in this current political climate and c) write female friendships/working relationships to be so toxic in an age where females doing literally anything on tv are scrutinized for no good reason? Do you think that maybe, just maybe, it was intentional from the start to highlight how at the core of Jane’s being, that she’s not an inhuman byproduct of what the CIA creates its operatives to be?

NCIS: Hawaii, so far, has been deeply intentional in the way the seasonal story arcs/thematic arcs are crafted. Everything about each season has led up to what happens in its finales. The first and second season has established and zeroed in on the theme of family/found family/etc., and that’s not something that’s just thrown in there because it sounds pretty or cute. The theme of family is constantly reinforced because it’s the backbone that drives this series. Ohana. It’s what sets the Hawaii office apart from the other shows. It’s not as dark, gritty, violent, or depressing, and that actually works to its advantage. Family drives every aspect of this show and its characters. And you know what else? Family is messy. And while I still have my own grievances on how they’ve focused so heavily on Jane (again, for obvious reasons), her family/kids, and her past and not so much the other characters (yet), I also believe it’s worked to their advantage. I haven’t seen a show do flashbacks and retrospective character study on its characters, and do it well, in a while especially for a “police procedural.” For us to even have flashbacks and character-centric episodes is a gift for a procedural, and we have to remember that. We’ve seen bits and pieces of Jane’s past, and now we see how it all plays into this storyline of how her past is coming back to haunt her. Jane is a woman who fiercely loves and cares deeply for those who are close to her heart, but even to those who cannot fight for themselves, or are in deep trouble. That was made so beautifully highlighted in 2x18. That’s what makes her an incredible boss, an incredible leader, and most importantly, a wonderful friend. Has your boss ever invited you to their office for a drink? Let alone to their own home with an open door policy? Has your boss risked their life to rescue not just themselves but others who are wounded and are in desperate need of medical attention, all the meanwhile being badly injured themselves? Jane’s life revolves around family and caring for others because it’s something she was deprived of as a child. Her mother was not around. She did not have siblings. She had a loving father, but with him being in the military, she would have had to move from base to base. Her childhood would not have been steady. Friends would have come and gone. Her entire life was on the go. She’s had to fend for herself growing up. She’s had to stand up for herself. Jane Tennant is a woman who is deeply informed and shaped by her experience and leverages that to be the person she needed as a child to those around her. It’s what has made her an extraordinary SAC. But Jane also isn’t perfect. She has flaws, and they’re making themselves known in this finale.

So now, despite Jane being the Special Agent in Charge of the Entire Pacific Rim™, she also has a past. We can’t ignore that. Jane Tennant has a past. And it’s a CIA past. And from the sound of it, it’s a past she’s not particularly proud or fond of. We can see that Jane’s CIA past has deeply affected her, as it should. You’ve all seen (in some shape or form, fictional or non fictional) the extent of what the CIA is, what it represents, the shadiness and the dark side of how it operates, and what its people are capable of. We know the toxic culture of secrets, lies, deadly surprises and betrayal that can follow with being involved with the CIA. Jane has been involved with all of that. And she is still, unfortunately, involved with that despite having switched agencies and careers. She no longer is a covert CIA operative, she is the SAC of the NCIS Hawaii office. But that doesn’t mean she won’t slip back into covert CIA operative mode the moment she finds out she’s in danger. Like everyone else, Jane has a fight or flight response... She just happens to do both. So what does this mean?

Well, if Jane is in danger and it involves her extremely dangerous, shady CIA past, everyone in her life will inadvertently be in danger as well. Why else would Ernie call Jane out that she was being shady? She doesn’t really have a choice. She’s played the intelligence game long enough to know that secrets, information, and data can get people killed. The people she’s dealt with are extremely dangerous, and if they get the slightest idea of who is important to Jane, they will stop at nothing to eliminate those around her to hurt her. To torture her. Can you imagine the weight of that? Knowing that your past has put your kids at risk for being targets? Your closest friends, your colleagues - your family? Hell, I’d be shady too. Jane is incredibly smart. She knows the loopholes, she knows what angles to play. She knows the risks she has to take. She has been through it and knows exactly how to manipulate and play the system. That’s what makes her such a polar opposite to the character Kate Whistler is.

Okay, enter Kate. Because I know what you’re all thinking. What was the point of reinforcing the family theme with Kate with the amount of Jane/Kate interactions we’ve had all season only for Jane to use her to get into the bank in Venezuela and then handcuff her to a column in a kitchen, basically leaving her to dry? What was the point of all of this if Jane going rogue anyway is going to put everyone in danger? Wouldn’t Kate be pissed as hell for Jane getting her into this mess, risking her career, putting her in danger, etc etc etc? Well, I’m glad you didn’t ask, because I’m still going to tell you anyway.

Short answer, Kate didn’t see it like that. Long answer, Kate Whistler isn’t a chump and is a foil to Jane Tennant’s character. Aka, Whistler is everything that Jane is not, and yet, is everything that Jane needs. I’m not saying Whistler is an antagonist (maybe it seemed like she was in the first season, but we’ve seen how she’s grown since then - keep this thought tucked away in the back of your minds for later). But why else would they have introduced Whistler the way they did in the pilot, if they weren’t going to use her to balance Jane out? And vice versa? Why else have they spent so much time developing Whistler’s character, despite her being an agency-adjacent character (AKA, a non-NCIS character on an NCIS show)? Why have they spent so much time writing scenes and moments between the two women and developing that friendship? One, it’s because they’re establishing Whistler to be just as an important part of the NCIS team despite her being interagency, and two, it’s because Jane and Kate both need each other. And most importantly, they trust each other. Keep this thought pinned. Trust. Whistler looks up to Jane, despite her sticky way of operating. And Jane looks up to Whistler because of how brilliant she is. How unlike Whistler is to herself. Jane recognizes that Whistler is someone she needs in her corner; not because she has malicious intents of using Whistler for what she can do, who/what she knows, and what she’s capable of, but because Whistler is just wired differently, and she needs that - dare I say, craves that. Jane has spent so much of her life depending on and trusting people like Maggie who are like her, only for people like Maggie to betray her in the end. She knows that Whistler will never do that, because she knows what Whistler is driven by (protecting the intel/secrets/data to the highest degree, etc.) Whistler knows, understands, and can play the intelligence game just as well as Jane can, and Jane sees how much of a breath of fresh air she is. And for Whistler, despite Jane’s way of not doing things by the book, it’s yielded results. Jane’s methods have worked, and that’s what Whistler has seen and understands of Jane and who she is as a leader. She sees and appreciates Jane’s ideology as a leader, reminding her of the kind of person, perhaps one day, the leader (ASAC, SAC) she wants to become.

And that’s why she’d listen to Jane in going to Venezuela.

Okay, let’s back it up a bit. Jane’s methods have worked.

... But they don’t always do.

Alas, the moment you’ve all been waiting for - Jane’s habits of slipping back into a covert, secretive, protective and shady operative, is not working. Jane going rogue is not working.

And yes, it puts others in danger. It puts herself in an immense amount of danger.

Okay, so that part was obvious, so what am I getting at? Once again, I’m glad you didn’t ask (because I did, for you), so here we go.

As we can see in next week’s promo, Jane is kidnapped, and is being tortured by Adrian Creel, a dangerous person from her past. Not only that, but is someone who she thought was dead. Both her past and present worlds are colliding, and she’s now scrambling to do damage control. So she goes rogue. We have to remember that Jane is highly intelligent, calculated, and cunning. That combination of words is absolutely fucking terrifying if used for harm instead of good. But that’s not who Jane is. And we saw that in a flashback.

This is what sets Jane apart from the person that Maggie Shaw is. Maggie is a textbook CIA operative. She has little regard for those who cross her and will do whatever it takes to get a job done. Spies are trained to not get attached to others. To push aside their emotions and feelings. And despite Maggie having a soft spot for Jane and becoming a mentor/mother figure to her (which makes her betrayal so deeply wounding to Jane not having a mother of her own in the picture), Maggie and Jane are fundamentally different people. One sees people as assets, assignments, collateral, or worse - collateral damage. The other sees people as human beings. One is completely unaffected by betrayal. The other is deeply affected. One is unfazed by death. The other is. You catching my drift?

Jane’s CIA experience has shown her how terrible the world of espionage can be. How messy, interwoven, terrible, and haunting it can be. Right now, it’s haunting her, and coming back to bite her in the ass. So what do you do when your past is coming back for you in the present? You pull every stop necessary to protect those you care about the most. To protect your family, the people you’d easily lay your life down for. Jane is not the kind of person that would intentionally get others she cares about into messes, nor is she the kind of person that gets people into messes that she herself wouldn’t be able to pull them out from. These are calculated risks Jane is taking. It’s not that she doesn’t know or think that her actions won’t cause problems for herself or others later on, she absolutely knows and understands the weight of every outcome and every choice she has to make. She wouldn’t put her team or colleagues in more danger than they need to be. Please understand this language. She can’t protect them from everything that could possibly happen, but if she has the smallest chance of controlling what she can control, then she’ll put herself on the line first. So she’ll make the choices that have the least collateral damage. She voluntarily pulls herself off the case from NCIS to protect her team. She would rather risk herself getting fired or killed before there’s a slightest chance of danger coming towards her team. She reaches out to Whistler, not because she doesn’t care about Whistler as much as she does with her own team or doesn’t care about her enough to not put her in harm’s way, but because Whistler is the only person she can trust right now (and that’s a massive thing for Jane after being betrayed by the one person she thought she’d never, ever get betrayed by). Jane knows that Whistler is absolutely vital in ensuring that whoever is after her, will never be able to reach Whistler, her team, or her kids. Her team can’t do that (lead her to Venezuela) for her. In a weird way, Jane knows that she cannot do parts of her mission alone, but she also recognizes that she cares too much about Whistler to fully let her accompany her in a mission that she knows that she may not come back from alive. This is the grey area of the espionage game that Jane is playing. Jane going rogue and the espionage world is not black and white. Things just aren’t that easy. And it’s baffling that so many people think “well if Jane would have just been honest and let her team help her they wouldn’t be in danger.” It literally doesn’t work like that. Why else would they continue to highlight the stickiness of Jane’s CIA past? Why even highlight the CIA at all? Simple: to show how drastically different NCIS is, how NCIS operates, but also how much Jane has changed since getting out of the spy game, and how much she’s affected the people around her because of the person she is. It’s not that she’s gone rogue and isn’t letting people in and is putting everyone in danger like everyone sees it to be, but she’s trying to keep everyone safe from how deep and messy things are when they’re not taken care of (i.e. “I made a mistake and I need to fix it”), and how much of a splintering effect it can have if not dealt with the way things need to be dealt with (and I mean “dealt with” in the CIA terms of killing someone). For Jane, Creel cannot know that Whistler helped her get close to him (despite her not knowing Creel was alive this entire time, just that someone has impersonated her and has emptied out the account). Creel cannot know that Jane has kids. Creel cannot know that she is in charge of multiple offices full of NCIS Agents and American government personnel. Creel cannot know anything. The stakes are so fucking high.

Jane is involved in a war that has now involved death, and will continue to do so. And she’d rather it be Creel’s, or hers. What if Jane had allowed for Whistler to accompany her to the house of her impostor in the name of not keeping Whistler in the dark? What if Whistler had been the one that was shot instead of Charlie-1 because none of them had vests on? Or conversely, what if Whistler had been kidnapped along Jane and had been the one getting tortured by Creel in retaliation of what happened to him?

Jane would never forgive herself if harm (or death) came Whistler’s way. So handcuffing Whistler to the column was genuinely to protect her. Not because she’s an ungrateful asshole who just uses Whistler for access or that she doesn’t trust in Whistler’s ability to handle herself in the field or that Whistler wouldn’t have her back, but because Jane knows the violent outcome of what this will be. And she’ll do everything in her power to avoid Whistler (or anyone else in her life that is important to her) to become collateral damage or fall victim to her dangerous past. It’s not that Whistler is a rookie that Jane can’t trust to have her back in the field; it’s that Jane can’t afford for harm to come her friend’s way: for Whistler to get injured, tortured, or die on her account. Jane can’t afford her closest friend to fall victim to something they will never come back from. It’s not perfect, it’s messy, but it’s Jane’s way of keeping her safe. Once again, Jane is built like a spy. Secrets and lies and shiftiness is unfortunately, a part of her DNA. But she also isn’t a heartless, unemotional, ghost of a shell. She cares so deeply for the ones she loves, and it motivates her to do the things she needs to do to keep them as far away from imminent danger as possible.

Okay, now back to Whistler. (I told you it was long)

I think what was greatly overlooked was Whistler’s reaction. She wasn’t angry, hurt, or betrayed by Jane cuffing her to the column. Frustrated, yes, but Kate immediately recognized the gravity of the situation that Jane is in, and once again, worries for her friend diving headfirst into danger. Kate doesn’t yell at Jane, she calls out her name because she fears for her friend’s life. Listen to the tone of their exchange closely. It’s not one that’s done in anger or rage. Both of them know how dangerous this has become. Again, Kate isn’t a poor chump that walked into Jane’s mess. Whistler understood what Jane has asked of her to risk. She didn’t like it, but she also can’t stand around and do nothing while her friend is in danger. Of course she’s going to help. Whistler understands immediately what Jane has walked back into. Whistler knows exactly who Jane is from her time in the DIA. I have no doubt in the back of my mind that she’s run extensive background checks on Tennant and the team while she was at the DIA because of how much of a liability the NCIS team was with the DIA (hence, her having to liaise and almost babysit them in terms of data sharing and collection.) Whistler has seen Jane’s dossier, and she’s probably studied the woman’s profile like she would’ve studied material from grad school or studied a profile on a terrorist. That’s what made Jane Tennant the bane of her existence, but it’s also what fascinates her the most: how unlike Jane is for someone that has worked for the CIA. That Jane puts others first, treats her team like they’re her family, and fiercely cares for them. This baffles Whistler to the core, because she’s worked with CIA/NSA/DEA/all government acronyms type personnel. She’s worked with spies. She’s interrogated terrorists and traitors. She knows the formula of what makes a covert operative. Jane has been everything but that. And on top of that, Whistler has worked with upper brass. She’s worked with bosses, admirals, generals, commanders, ASAC’s and SAC’s. She’s worked with people who don’t care about you unless you have impressive accolades and accomplishments that are worth listening to. So for her to cross paths with SAC Tennant... It drastically changes the way that she sees world; the people that she works with, has worked with, and it changes the way she approaches things. Whistler is a type-A personality; likes to plan ahead, likes to know exactly what is going on; every detail, and overarching piece. DIA Whistler would never have allowed for this to happen - in fact, she probably would’ve been the one to inform the brass about what was going on and would immediately have Tennant arrested for treason. But Kate Whistler, friend of Jane Tennant sees that her friend is in need of her help, and that’s what informs her decision to help Jane and go to Venezuela, despite her not actually knowing what the outcome of this entire thing will be. Despite the high risk she’s taking. Despite the fact she could very well lose her job over this if things go south. Despite seeing how much her friend has shifted back into fight or flight CIA mode. Whistler realizes how much danger Jane is in. So no, she’s not angry.

But she sure as hell isn’t going to sit around and do nothing either.

This is where things get real juicy, because once again, DIA Whistler would never. But FBI Whistler has spent enough time around Jane Tennant to know the kind of person she is and her value of others, that people are the priority. And when people are in danger, she will stop at nothing to come to their aid. This entire season has highlighted Whistler coming to Tennant’s rescue in sticky situations (2x08, 2x11, 2x18) and some being situations she didn’t particularly like, but have followed her and/or sent aid, or has gone to rescue Jane herself. And so far, the finale has been the culmination of that. Not because Whistler’s a pawn in Jane’s game, but because of the incredible growth that has transpired in Whistler’s character to become someone who will take risks for others, despite every ounce of her being saying otherwise. To play things safe, by the book. Whistler’s unlearning her patterns and habits of going by the book, being a stickler for the rules, because not everything in life will happen by the book. Having a relationship with someone you work with isn’t in the book. Having a drink with your co-worker at her home after having a 50-cal gun aimed and shot at you by a Yakuza member isn’t in the book. Your friend having a dangerous CIA past isn’t in the book. Not everything is in the book. Whistler is starting to see that. Whistler could’ve easily packed her shit up and angrily gone home. But she stays to go after Jane to try and rescue her. Because that’s who Whistler is.

So, finally, what’s the point of all this again?

Ah, yes. The Tennant-Whistler relationship and how it will be affected by all of this. (Oh, yes, sorry. I forgot to mention this is actually the thesis. I just hoped you would entertain my thoughts long enough and read this far, so if you did congrats. But also, I’m sorry.)

There’s a few articles out there already teasing how this will affect the team in the future - how Jane’s secrets and past will affect everyone, and immediately, how this whole “come with me to Venezuela and help me but also I’m going to handcuff you in the kitchen to keep you safe even though I might die” discourse will affect Jane and Kate’s relationship moving forward. Because on the surface, Tennant asking Whistler for this massive favour feels incredibly transactional and one sided. But if you’ve been watching the same show as everyone else has, this wouldn’t have happened if their relationship wasn’t built slowly on trust. The Whistler we see now isn’t the same Whistler that was introduced to us. The Whistler that helps Jane in Venezuela is a Whistler who, like Jane, is being formed by her experiences, which informs the decisions she makes. The Whistler we see now is someone who would lay their life down for their friend because she knows that Jane would do the same for her. The Tennant-Whistler relationship, aside from the romantic Kacy relationship, has pretty much been the forefront of this season. The tension/disagreements, the favours, the seeking out wisdom and advice, comfort & encouragement, coming to each other’s (mostly Kate coming to Jane’s) rescue. If I may be so bold to say, I actually don’t think this will affect the others as much as it will affect Jane and the choices she’s made. It’s very Jane-centric. It will be Jane-centric in the way it shapes her as a boss, a leader, and a friend. Everyone else is very secure in who they are, in their ability, and who they’re working for. It’s Jane that needs to see that she cannot continue acting on the lone wolf mentality. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t say that I think this is still very much building into NCIS Hawaii’s overarching theme of family but also how this now could be flipped on its head in later seasons as we explore more of the other characters and their pasts. But like I mentioned earlier, Jane has a past. But so does everyone else. And they needed to establish Jane’s character, all her strengths as well as her flaws, in order for people to see why she goes the absolute lengths that she does to protect who she loves (I’m still so convinced that Whistler’s DIA past and involvement in various top-secret assignments and the many people/contacts she has everywhere will also come back to haunt her in the future and when that time comes, Jane will 110% return the favour Whistler has constantly been doing for her by coming to her rescue this entire season but that’s a theory for another day), but also why the people she loves will also do the same for her (Jesse’s line in the promo, “I’d put my life on the line for you”, and Whistler coming to her rescue literally 4x this season). Jane wouldn’t abuse that. We know that Jane is going to be fine, but in light of these revelations, Jane is going to have to make some major changes regarding the way she operates as a person as a result of what happens from this entire situation. We already know that the season will conclude in its trademark ohana-esque manner (thank you promo pics), but it’s not to say that this won’t cause tension in the future. Family is messy. I can’t stress this enough. But all of them are mature enough to understand that what Jane was doing, was ultimately to protect them all. Even Alex understood the gravity of the situation. They might not like it, but they understand. And that’s an important word - the understanding. They will come to the realization that the damage control Jane was doing was very much for their safety, despite how in the dark they all felt. It’s not invitation for them to be petty, bitter, or angry with Jane. When they find out that Charlie-1 is dead and that Jane was kidnapped and tortured, they’ll see just how dangerous her past life is, and why Jane did what she had to do. Because getting shot or being kidnapped or tortured could have easily been one or more of them, had Jane not played her cards right.

Back to the Tennant-Whistler dynamic. I think Whistler and Tennant are going to continue to have their moments, but I think the establishment of this dynamic (over, say, Jane’s dynamic with Kai, Lucy, Jesse, or Ernie) has been so vital this season, a) because it shows not only how much trust has been built between the two, but how fundamentally different their dynamic will be moving forward from how Jane and Maggie’s relationship was, b) how Kate has never really had a friendship or relationship with someone like Jane ever, and aside from her own relationship with Lucy, and how much Kate also needs Jane as a figure in her life. Both women have been able to lean on each other for support and both women recognize how much they need each other. They see each other as equals; they are each other’s professional/career match (and I will die on this hill despite Kate being significantly younger than Jane, but I think Kate’s career has invited her to tables that people her age would never normally be invited to, but because of her intelligence, high capacity and ability to see things quickly and put things together has placed her higher up quicker than anyone else) and c) the theme of Whistler coming to Jane’s rescue this season will eventually come to a reversal where Whistler will find herself in trouble and will be needing Jane’s support or even rescue, and Jane will be there for her. They’ve hinted at how equally dangerous Whistler’s job is this season. They’ve hinted at Whistler being in the field more, gaining more experience. They’ve hinted Whistler leading teams, working with CI’s, setting up sting operations and leading join efforts in busts. They’ve hinted at the kind of criminals she deals with (serial killers, terrorists, assassins, etc.) This undoubtedly is going to come into play in the future.

Jane values family over everything else. But she also realizes that she can’t just use them when she needs something. She’s going to have to learn how to let her family in, and she’s going to learn that family isn’t transactional, but unconditional. And I think that’s the angle they’re going to play in the latter half of this finale, as well as building into future seasons. The lone-wolf thing will never work. We’ve seen it with Kai in the pilot. We’ve seen it with Lucy (especially in 2x19). It’s not going to work for Jane either. I mentioned earlier, Jane is not perfect. Nobody is. She’s going to have to unlearn things from her past, and she’s going to have to work towards letting people in. She’s going to have to learn to take her own advice. Yes, she’s been badly burned, and being in the espionage game has traumatized her. She’s got literal scars and experiences to show for it. But the beautiful thing is that she has a family surrounding her that will be with her every step of the way - she just has to let them be there for her the same way she’d be there for them in a heartbeat. Yes, this can be so hard to do when you’ve lived on your own and had to fight for yourself for so long, but NCIS Hawaii wouldn’t be NCIS hawaii without these incredibly important themes and arcs, and I’m thankful they’re exploring this with Jane. We’ve gotten a taste of how fiercely protective Jane is with her team and family. When a situation in the future calls for her to step into action, she absolutely will lay her life on the life for her colleagues and team the same way they would for her. I think Jesse’s line to Tennant will be the turning point for her, and she’ll do better moving forward. They needed to do this in order to set up the future story arcs for others in future seasons. Family is messy. But we’re all in it for the ride, and so are they.

#NCIS Hawaii #oh man I’m tired #Jane Tennant #Kate Whistler #maybe I’ve seen too many spy shows #but the takes I’ve seen on both women are ridiculous #anyway #I will defend Jane and Kate with my life

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dontkickmyshin · 8 months

Text

i've been rereading weak hero season 2 since the latest chapter dropped and i have some things to say about donald

spoilers under the cut

okay first of all i am so fucking pissed at seopass😭😭i can't really say much about the storytelling aspect of choosing to allow donald to die but honestly it does feel very sudden and just unfair to his character. perhaps the suddenness is my reaction because all this time it seemed like he just couldn't die, then he had had the whole arc in the final battle where we finally see a vulnerable side of him and get his full backstory, then all of a sudden he dies?? it just feels so incomplete, like the build up was for nothing🙁🙁🙁.

second of all, i'm only realising just how sad his backstory is now that i'm rereading it.

it's not just about his mother being ill, his father being abusive, and being bullied in school but also the loss of innocence in young donald. at first he was so sweet and cute, but by the time he's thirteen, he's also got a whole baby gang going, beating people up and even doing breaking and entering in one instance, taking his step father's money. then he exposes the dirt on his ex teacher and had myles joo and his boys beat him up, and smash his car outside of the school.

it also reminds me of how much donald has grown- now he would never b&e or smash an adult's car so recklessly (though ofc he did it originally knowing he couldn't get the police called on him). though still heavily involved with delinquents, violence and crime, his methods have refined as he grew, and you can see him become more calculated and less uncouth. despite the maturity of his actions at 13, in a way they're still childish, and it's a reminder that even if he's acting tough he's still a baby🙁🙁

while i was glad to watch those people get their comeuppance, i honestly felt so heartbroken watching their callous and flippant nature to crime. like, he literally has a baby face!!! he's like 5'0!!! and he's here stomping people in alleyways and committing burglary?!!! it reminded me of kaz brekker from SOC for some reason, who was innocent and naive till he had to grow up at 12 or 13 and started hustling people in gambling dens and getting in trouble with the law.

it hurts to watch how cruelly he was treated by his teachers and his schoolmates because of his poverty, and how no one did anything about it because it was just normal to them that in a school full of rich kids, it was just a given that donald was considered less than trash. then at night he was kicked out by his step father so he could cheat and drink and he had to wander around yeongdeungpo all on his own in the cold, hungry, and huddle under an apartment block?? ARE YOU JOKING😭😭

he changed so much due to the circumstances of his situation and he grew into something no one should ever have to. he isn't just strong and smart and always five steps ahead becaude of his natural talent (though that definitely helped), but because he had to be. doing badly has never been a choice for him. he needs it to survive. i've always liked donald, and i've always suspected this about his character, but hearing it be confirmed just makes me like him more.

it's so sad realising how everything about him was manufactured to fit his image- his piercings, his hair, his clothes, his tattoos, his image, the way he talks- he didn't even LIKE any of them, but they just became a part of who he was nevertheless. thinking about the way he found his tattoos repulsive when they were all over his body, and were the first things he saw whenever he looked in the mirror must've been so painful to him. but he probably thought being affected by it made him weak so🙁.

and finally, the end where it shows his attachment and love for his inner child who was never loved or taken care by anybody and had to fend for his own. the image of the older donald, covered in tattoos taking care of his small, crying younger self is so powerful😭😭like look at this i wanna kms

i wonder in another life how donald na would turn out if none of these things happened to him🙁🙁he wanted to be a NASA engineer you know🙁🙁🙁😭😭😭he had his own dreams

other things that i noted were that donald actually changes in public a lot. like seriously a lot....first on the rooftop then in the library, like this guy was just stripping at every opportunity.

and also that him not inviting gilshin and jimmy bae into the union was done on purpose as a technique to make them more willing to join? what?? that's so smart😭😭

i also found out this way that myles was a member of the union before it was even called the union?? like they rode together for three years and donald still beat his ass like damn! he is unsentimental.

i'm going to write something about the funeral chapter but that deserves its own post

#weak hero #donald na #gray yeon #union #weak hero webtoon #na baekjin #kingsley kwan

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