#anyway imagine if any of this self-awareness helped me even a little bit.

[writingforatwistedworld]

A request...

Dunno if this has been done already but A self aware Azul, Trey, and Lilia reacting to the player saying they "had a bad day but seeing them made it much better".

Let me know if this is confusing and you're free to not answer of course

Self-aware au

I do not take any responsibility for you reading this no matter which age group you are from!

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, obsessive behavior, unhealthy behavior, mentions of blood, mentions of war, death, bad cringe humor bc I haven't written for a while

Trey Clover/ Azul Ashengrotto/Lilia Vanrouge-"Seeing you made my day better!"

Oh, are you alright?

The second you returned to them, Trey could tell that something was wrong with you

A bad day perhaps?

If he could talk to you he would sit you down to talk about what (or who) ruined your day (whilst secretly planning their demise but pshh)

But then you suddenly stare at the screen and drop something like that at him? Whew... I-I think he is swooning

He almost forgets that you are having a horrible time before all of this until he finally sees you having a strained expression once more before going off

Oh ok. This is fine. This is totally fine. Haha... TOTALLY FINE

Like, imagine my mans expression

He feels honored that you feel and think that way about him but at the same time...

Bro over here can't really help

He tries to be as present as possible after that

(Toatally not like a cat throwing itself on your lap for attention)

In his mind, the more present he is the better you feel

(Not like peeps play games to escape reality but sure, if Trey wants to see himself as your emotional aspirin then sure)

But perhaps his attention really helped, perhaps something good just happened that got you in a good mood

So when you finally said that seeing him made your day so much better it felt like the sun was peeking out from behind the clouds after a long storm

Well, luckily he didn't need to conspire with Draconia to get you here anymore

But then again, if what you said was true then him being with you would keep you happy all the time, right?

Oh what he does for his go-I mean his uncrowned ruler

This brings back a lot of dark memories for him

And I mean that literally

His memories of these days are filled with him sitting in a dark corner of his little pot

Only with the difference that for him his ray of light was food, for you it… is whatever this is

It does surprise him though

You, the high scholar, wisest of the wise, were more human than he imagined you to be

Well, to be fair, it was easy to imagine you as that unfeeling being that hovered over all of them

Day after day did the octopus see you do whatever you came to do and then go again

Although… you always made sure to check on him whilst having that faint smile on your face

How sweet. Doesn’t make him worry any less though

Until one day you finally tell him that seeing him made your day better

Wow… how is he supposed to react to that?

His inspiration for everything he does sees him in that light

This totally won’t get to his now. Naw. I have no idea what you are talking about

Continue to tell him that. Tell him how much his presence makes you happy

And if you should look in the direction of some unfortunate NPC that unknowingly made you laugh he will see red

Interesting, his cane looks a bit red as well. The handle area should be cleaned again… why is it so sticky?

Lilia is not amused

Sleep deprived, yes, but not amused

Oh why that? Well, this father decided to pray even more to you in order to cheer you up

Now, if you know anything about Lilia in this au then you also know how religious he is, so him praying even more? Uh… perhaps he gets two hours of sleep at best

You are his god so surely you hear his words, asking you why your expression is always so sad, so exhausted

STOP SHARPENING YOUR SWORD YOU OLD BAT THERE IS NO NEED TO START A HOLY WAR IN THE OVERSEERS NAME WTF MADE YOU EVEN THINK OF THAT SOLUTION??!

Anyways, if Lilia is not in a good mood, so is entire Diasomnia. He is more or less the dorms old and wise fairy grandmother who hands out advice like lollipops so when he is not in a good mood, so is nobody else

No matter what the local group of non-violent military trained guys do, they just can’t cheer up their usually oh so happy teacher and guide

Lilia reminds the NPCs of the dorm of a certain general they read about in the history books (but there is no way that could be Lilia)

Until one day he walks in like he is in a romance anime, looking up with sparkling eyes to the altar and thanking your statue for your favor

If this was any other dorm, he would have been send to the school therapist (oh yeah, they have a shrimp instead of that)

When asked by his son what happened Lilia just looks up, still with that weird look in his eyes, tells him that “I have finally been noticed by our grace”

Malleus is telling Sebek in the meantime to call for a doctor because it seems like their general just lost his last few marbles

What really happened was Lilia heads down dangling from who knows where, perhaps the cafeteria chandelier, and asking himself what could have made you so sullen the last few days

Until suddenly you zipped in, looked at him (probably once up to his knees and then down to his head whilst saying “Mhm. Looks good.”) and were like “Seeing you made my day better.”

That was the moment when Lilia lost his grip on the metal and fell face-first, thankfully it was already late so no one was present but if I got a coin every time he fell like that I would have one, which tells us how rarely that happens

How about you go to whatever NPCs that govern the other countries and warn them that there is a high low-key mad general who would start would annihilation if you so much as feel slightly sluggish

You know those people who need to hear compliments constantly so they don't go bananas? Yeah

Whoops. Seems like you complimented the uniform of Octavinelles uniforms after seeing one of their NPCs. Wonder what happened to that guy. He isn't attending his classes anymore, that's for sure

#yandere twisted wonderland #yandere twst #yandere twisted wonderland x reader #yandere twst x reader #self aware au #twst #twst trey #twst azul #twst lilia #yandere trey x reader #yandere trey clover #trey clover x reader #yandere trey #trey x reader #twsited wonderland azul #yandere azul ashengrotto #yandere azul x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #yandere azul #azul x reader #twisted wonderland azul #twst lilia x reader #yandere lilia x reader #yandere lilia vanrouge #lilia vanrouge x reader #yandere lilia #twisted wonderland lilia #lilia x reader #tw: yandere #tw: obsessive behavior

[hvly]

VIRGIN OIKAWA OH MY GOD THATS SO FUCKING HOT 😍😍😍😍😍😍

you think so? well, i got another little headcanon about Virgin Oikawa and imma be honest; this one makes me giggle a little bit 🤭

ᴛᴀʟᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴇᴍ 🗣️! : i’m on a fucking ROLL today 👹 anyways, im the biggest guy virgin enthusiast. fuck a girl being a virgin, that shit is so predictable. give me a boy who don’t know how to use his dick and i’m all up on that (metaphorically and literally)

ᴄᴡ: solo play/masturbation. Not gender specific and not proofread. be nice to me, aight?

Virgin! Oikawa is a pillow humper.

He doesn't use those silicone molds because, behind that flirtatious persona, he's a lover boy at heart. If he's going to stick his dick in a hole of any kind, he wants it to be with someone he's romantically involved with at the very least. Plus, he's not that desperate. Even if not a soul in the world would have him pegged as a virgin, he still has a reputation to uphold. He'll occasionally use his own hand to offer him some late-night release, but it's really only an option if he's trying to make it quick.

But when he had time to dedicate to self-pleasure, a plush pillow that still held a bit of shape when moved around and a satin pillowcase is all he needed.

He'd adjust his pillow under his hips, his hard-on just barely grazing the silky fabric below him. A soft exhale escapes his lips as he lowers himself, pressing his navel down into the mattress. Oikawa lays still for a moment, letting himself relish in the feeling of cool, soft satin gently encasing his cock.

Slowly, he begins to rock his hips, dragging his length up and down to find a good starting rhythm. Once he finds it, he commits to it, balancing himself on his elbows for better stability.

Oikawa imagines this is what your insides must feel like. The pre soaked material emulating the wetness and velvety feel that he'd read about. It was warm and comforting with just the right amount of friction and tightness that his dick doesn't feel like it's suffocating. He pictures you below him, your face flushed and screwed up in pleasure. How pretty you sound when you moan his name. How your hands feel when they wander his body. How you'd praise him.

The brunette whimpers softly, completely lost in his fantasy. His hands grip the edge of his pillow as he unconsciously thrusts harder and faster into it, his bed-frame quietly squeaking. It's not long before he feels that familiar warmth building in his stomach, suddenly very aware of how heavy his balls feel as he continues rutting into his pillow.

He moans loudly, looking down at the precum-smeared case. It sheens in the soft light of his room and he can't help but imagine it's your privates glistening in your shared juices. That's all he needs to trigger his release, his arms giving out under him as he shoots his load into the pillow. He moans loudly into the mattress, his hips stuttering as he rides through the rest of his orgasm.

Oikawa rolls over onto his back, throwing the cum covered pillow on the floor to be washed later. He stares at the ceiling as he catches his breath, the occasional aftershock making his cock twitch. He snorted softly, crossing his arms over his eyes.

For the time being, pillows worked just fine.

#𓆩𖥔𓆪 — verses #oikawa x reader #oikawa smut #haikyuu smut #oikawa tooru x reader #oikawa x y/n #haikyuu headcanons #oikawa headcanons

[boobabietch]

hcs on ellie comforting a reader that’s on the chubbier side? my body dysmorphia is so bad today :/

Hcs of Ellie x Chubby!reader

Warnings: self image issues!!!!! Slight nsfw but nothing too explicit, mentions of oral sex and fingering.

A/N: Hii anon!!! I’m going to be honest with you I didn’t know how to approach your request at first so I hope you’re happy with the result! I’ve struggled with my self image a lot and I still do so I know how much it sucks when your mind tries to make you feel like you’re not it, but I think that a thought that helps me a little bit is that no matter what I look like there is always some horny teenager that would make TikTok edits of me if I was famous lol. Anyways English is not my first language so if you find any grammar or spelling mistakes please tell me so I can change them asap. If you like this you would help me a lot with a like, comment or reblog. Love Sof :)

Word count: 572

There is not one single day that you don’t wake up with ellie telling you how pretty you are and everyday she makes sure to let you know how cute you look and how hot you are in the outfit you’re wearing (even if it’s your dirtiest depression pajama she it’s still drooling at the mere sight of you)

I just want to take a moment to remind you that you are this woman whole world

I mean she chose you for a reason! You are her heaven on earth

Honestly I like to think that since she met you you’ve always been her muse, she would love to put your beauty into paper in every extra time she has.

I’m 100% that she has a whole sketchbook only for you

She is aware of how the world is and how beauty works, she knows how much time you spend comparing your body to others on social media or real life and she also knows how much this means to you and how sometimes you just don’t feel enough

When you feel down because of this, all I can picture is Ellie being the touchiest person on the planet

I mean she would respect if you need some time to yourself or if you felt a little uncomfortable with showing your body but Ellie fucking Williams is a kissing your insecurities away believer

Picture her softly caressing your thighs, taking her time tracing the stretch marks in them with her thumb or kissing the bulge of your belly while she whispers how pretty you are and how fucking lucky she felt to be able to love you with the intensity she does because it’s what you fucking deserve

If she finds you looking yourself in the mirror for a little too long she would come from behind wrapping her arms and just take the time to admire how breath taking you are, she knows sometimes you don’t feel that way but if you could just see yourself like she does, you would understand that feeling bad about you body is completely crazy

This woman is a cuddler. Period. Her arms around your hips while she presses kisses to your neck, muttering sweet nothings while she worships you, because she just wants you to feel loved <3

We all know that our girl is 24/7 the horniest mf in the room so if you’re comfortable with it she would gladly make you moan your pain away with her head in between your legs or her fingers buried in you

Imagine looking her in the eye while she is on top of you expressing all the love and admiration she feels for you turned into the heavenly pleasure she is making you feel

This woman is a love maker and I will die on that hill!

If you take her with you to buy clothes you would need to physically stop her from taking you there and then on the fitting room because holy fuck you are HOT

But back to earth for a second she doesn’t matter how you look, she loves you and she loves that you love her back, so she’s made her most important task to be the safe place you need every time your thoughts become a little too much

You make her feel loved with your mere presence so she just wants to return the favor <3

Requests are: Open!

Masterlist

#lesbian #fanfic #the last of us #smut #ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams the last of us #Ellie Williams #ellie Williams x chubby!reader #boowrites★ #ellie x fem reader #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams fanfiction #ellie williams headcanons

[karmawonders]

Congrats on 800 followers!!!

Ever since I learned about SAGAU, I have been nervous to play music (idk why though??) But I listen to people like Cupcakke and Ayesha and now I'm wondering what the acolytes' reactions would be to the creator playing weird music ^^

🌸Thank you, thank you!🌸

Ahh, I do enjoy myself some good Cupcakke and Ayesha. I got both of em on my playlist, haha! I listen to some pretty out there music as well, if hyper-pop counts as weird. Who knows~ Anyway somehow this became Consort!Diluc and I apologize, my brain went running with this ask and it became.. this.

Warnings: Sexual Content. Cult and Self Aware AU. Somewhat Yandere.

Contents: This could be considered a crackpost at some points. Includes the song squidwards nose / commentary from because I bop to it, aight? . There is mention of "holy dildo." Forgive me i thought it was funny. Diluc is completely devoted to you(he wants to be your consort) and is suddenly worried about his dick size. Not beta read we die like rex-lapis.

Anyway!

I imagine it would be a normal day like any other in Mondstadt. The city is bustling, Flora giving people cute little flower crowns to promote her flower shop, bards singing about various topics and styles, Knights of Favonius helping people find lost cats, etc etc.

In the middle of the town square, stands your current puppets (thats what I call the"vessles" in my au) , in this case the traveller. I imagine depending on the emotional connection/friendship level you have to each of your puppets, people can sometimes hear you through them. Like a walking speaker or smth.

Since the twins don't got a friendship level, its just the equivalent of maxed out. They're crafting up some condensed resin for you, since you were AFK and they knew you were going to do so anyway. They were doing their best to ignore the loud music that they are emitting whilst doing so, Timaeus and others looking at them with wide eyes.

It isn't often your non-puppets hear obvious signs of the creator themselves, ya know! Literally everyone likes listening to you, whether it's Lofi music, rock, pop, or your voice itself!

Whenever they hear your voice from one of your more connected puppets, everyone is just filled with bubbles of happiness and excitement. Like! yay! I am directly in the High Gods presence! Sorta! Not really but its stilly exciting!

This time though, its a bit more of a "Ayo what the fuck?" sort of feeling instead of the usual.

Loudly blaring from their beings, was Cupcakke, and the iconic song "Squidward Nose".

Jean? Red faced, making sure no children are in the area, hands covering her face as she does her best, and fails, to think on who "dora the explorer" is, instead thinking about her god wanting a dick apparently as large as "squidwards nose". She has the church and the sisters notate this in a book. Might be some form of holy dildo or something, who knows.

Lisa is laughing her ass off the entire time, patting her on the back as she helps annotate notable things in the song with a few of the sisters from the Cathedral. Gotta keep their holy bible updated, afterall. She is tempted to write a new thesis for the scholars at Sumeru just for kicks and giggles about how their High God could potentially be more human than formerly assumed. She has a great new evidence, after all~ then again, the scholars at Sumeru are batshit crazy, so many not.

Venti is right at the travellers side, committing the song to his memory the best he can. Definitely getting in the way of them actually crafting the Resin, much to the twin's annoyance. He is always at whoevers side when you are playing any type of music, the music is completely new to him after all. You can bet he will be doing his best to sing the song at any late night tavern performances, even if he isn't getting all the references outside the obvious sexual stuff. Its an instant hit at Angels share, not just because Venti is singing it, but because the High God apparently likes the song as well. Also because its a great song.

Speaking of Angels Share, Diluc's face, is obviously, also as red as tomato when he hears Venti reciting the song later. He enjoys very much being a puppet, and he is definitely incredibly devoted to the High God. (aka you). He has to be devoted if he wants to fully commit himself to you, and possibly be your consort if you come down to Teyvat one day! This entire situation is completely uncouth, much to his dismay. He thinks its ruining your image before he realizes it is simply expanding it. Also, he is very upset. He is packing down there, definitely. But now he is self conscious because what if squidwards nose is better? He should honestly really kick out Venti, even is he is an Archon. Its getting in the way of his business.

Kaeya and Rosaria know about Diluc's somewhat obsessive worship and desire to be your consort, and they also know exactly why thats he is so red faced and upset and Venti's song. And because they absolutely enjoy it, they keep on giving Venti bottles of alcohol for encores of the song. And more, and more. Until Diluc has to excuse himself and leave. They are laughing the entire fuckin time. They always enjoy listening to your music whenever its playing, and they definitely agree that you should play similar songs more often. Its incredibly amusing.

🌸

Anywho's, that was fun to write! I do not know why Diluc was on the mind, but to be honest, I simp for the man highkey soooo-

Hope that was all alright for you dear Anon, and I hope you have a good day!

🌸Want to support me? Here is my Ko-fi and Masterlist!🌸

#genshin impact cult au #genshin self aware #genshin cult au #self aware genshin impact #sagau #genshin sagau brain #genshin sagau #sagau brainrot #follower event #self aware genshin #cult au #Consort!diluc #diluc x reader #genshin sagau cult #genshin impact #genshin impact au #genshin impact x reader #genshin sagau brainrot #sagau crack

[clavissionary-position]

Clavis x Emma The Rose From Bed to Bouquet

tags: fluff, slight angst, some suggestive content

Clavis

I'd let Emma take me anywhere. I tell Cyran, Jin, hell, I even tell Chev, that I'm waiting for her to whisk me away. What man doesn't want to get lost in chaos and adventure with the love of his life? I don't just love her legs because of how soft and pretty and infinitely comfortable they are. She walked to me on those legs, and one day, I hope, she'll walk away with me. Somewhere far, farther than far. There's so much of the world I haven't seen, the world and its beautiful people and their beautiful lives. I want to show her and I want her to show me.

Surprise me. Don't let me see it coming. That'll be hard, but not impossible. I know and she knows that sometimes I can be... a little...

Anyway, I've already started packing. Revealing skirts, portable cooking set, shovels, med-kit, sewing-kit, a kit for making new kits, special toys. Cyran asks me if I have any self-awareness. He's already gotten bored and left the room by the time I think to answer what I assumed was a rhetorical question.

He's not wrong; is this supposed to be my surprise trip or Emma's? I deflate a little and plop down inside an empty lavender luggage like an oversized clown. I know what the problem is, but actually thinking on it stings as if I were pressing on an open wound. Not a big wound or anything, of course. Or it's that one wound again. The fear that...

Anyway, I'm almost done packing. Emma need not concern herself with this portion of our future someday trip. I am forever at her service, because she's passed every single test so far.

Emma

I can't help but feel my stomach drop a little when I accidentally come upon the small mountain of packed trunks and chests. Dammit, Clavis. Here I'd been, dreaming up plans for a wild, truly crazy adventure, something that would suit my wild and crazy lover. I was going to surprise him with it soon. I'd spent far too many afternoons giggling to myself as I imagined his face going blank and then blossoming into that sweet, beautiful smile that I loved. I hadn't told anyone else. I hadn't left any clues. It was all still in my head, so how did he-

I see a pair of familiar blue boots sticking out of an open trunk. Then I'm standing over him, looking down at him, wondering how he fell asleep contorted like this. Well, it's not that I don't know the answer. My troublesome king still doesn't let on how hard he works himself. I can only imagine all the extra load he took on just to have time to put this mountain of supplies together. I have to laugh, honestly, bitterly. You'd think he was preparing for the end of the world with half the stuff he has in here.

"Mm...a?" A warm hand latches around my thigh.

I flick him lightly on the forehead.

"Ow... don't do what Chev does...!"

I crouch in front of the trunk, reaching inside to loosen his cravat. His skin is reddish-pink where the fabric rubbed him while he slept. The white of his shirt collar is steeped in the sunset coming in from the round porthole to our right. He'd look like a doll shoved into a drawer if he wasn't so animated. His hand keeps finding my leg, my knee now, but the touch feels strangely innocent and vulnerable.

"I guess the secret's out," I say with a sigh that comes out heavier than I'd intended and yet lighter than what I feel. "How did you know?"

Clavis chuckles, still drowsy. "How could I not? After all, I am..." His brows furrow. "Wait, know what? What secret?"

I stare at him. He stares at me. Five or six seconds go by.

"About..." I venture carefully. I don't know why he would lie about this. "About... the trip I was... planning for us...?

Clavis' lashes catch the last bit of sun as he gives an exaggerated blink. "No... I was not aware that..."

I don't know how he finds room for both of us in this trunk, but he does. Two dolls in a sudden, wild and crazy embrace.

--- Thank you for reading! Inspo was Tom Sweterlitsch's writing style ^^

#ikemen prince #clavis lelouch

[the-music-maniac]

How fucked up would it be if Sefikura got Hanahaki? Either one of them. That ship is already toxic AF (affectionate) but imagine the HAVOC.

I'm gonna ramble a bit so I can get the brain worms out but feel free to correct me on any plot points, or character interpretations: I've absorbed all this shit from watching walkthroughs (cause I'm broke and video games are expensy) and I haven't finished watching yet. I'm also playing it fast and loose with when this occurs in canon - I have no idea tbh. My interpretations are probably influenced by fandom already cause I've been reading posts and fanfics, and I am aware that this is SO self indulgent, so again. Biased viewpoint here.

Also since I'm aware that sefikura is a controversial ship even with the ship's popularity and age, if you don't like it, that's fine, just block me or scroll on.

I can see the story being more interesting if Seph is the one to get the disease. Mostly because, while I understand his obsession with Cloud is quite complex and not really there bc of romantic reasons (Cloud has S-cells, Seph kinda just views Cloud as his to control I assume, plus Cloud is useful to him, and the fact that Sephiroth has a god complex a mile wide and Cloud was somehow able to beat him as a mere trooper, etc. etc.) I do think for an individual like Sephiroth, that level of obsession is likely the closest he's going to get to love, or at least a blurring of the lines between love and hate. I don't think he really feels that emotion much anymore, especially not after the first time he died, but whatever he DOES feel for Cloud could be strong enough and close enough in shape for something like Hanahaki to latch onto.

Sephiroth's course of action in response would be interesting to see. Hanahaki weakens the individual, which is something Seph is probably not gonna stand for, even if he has enough hubris that he doesn't think he'll die from it. Maybe similar to the degeneration Genesis was experiencing? There's a thought. I honestly think Sephiroth would find it more intolerable if he reaches a stalemate with the disease, not enough to kill him, but enough to weaken him to the point where it hurts his pride and gets in the way of his plans. That seems like it would grate on him more than the threat of death, which doesn't stick anyways.

Sephiroth's go-to in that situation (upon exhausting other avenues - the first and easiest being, y'know. Murder) would probably be to try the puppet route - force Cloud into feeling that reciprocating emotion. Which like. It doesn't work like that Sephy. And here's where it could get really dark if you were so inclined to write it that way, but I'm not in the mood for that right now so I'm gonna say this - that course of action would bring up a lot of PTSD for Cloud obviously, but a perplexing point would be if Sephiroth just y'know. Succeeded in controlling and forcing that emotion for a bit and then upon realizing Hanahaki doesn't work like that - immediately releases his control. Cloud is left there, sound of mind again and fucked up in the mental health but ultimately unharmed and very confused.

Second course of action, good old fashioned manipulation. Here is where it would probably get convoluted though, while I don't think Sephiroth would go down the full on cracky shit of trying to woo Cloud or anything like that (keep in mind up until now, I don't think the nature of Sephiroth's emotions for Cloud are necessarily romantic, so that's not where the Hanahaki is stemming from, or at least not at the beginning - since we are talking about Sefikura and I do like the romance even if I acknowledge it's a little out there in terms of canon. I'm aware he says some provocative shit, but I think that's to get a reaction - it's taunting more than flirting. So, I don't think it would necessarily occur to Sephiroth to do anything romantic here), I do think Sephiroth would be forced to do shit that's actually helpful. His world domination plans are at a standstill cause he's too weak to enact them, and he's trying to get some sort of reciprocation that's enough for the disease to be satisfied, so even if he doesn't give a shit and thinks it's stupid and a waste of time, he studies Cloud and his friends and their movements and acts accordingly to help. Probably in the most violent way possible, granted. Sending Cloud into more confusion.

What I do find interesting is if Cloud finds out what's happening. Fear in response to learning about possibly romantic feelings on Sephiroth's end is probably unavoidable with how fucked up their in game relations are (Sephiroth's attentions are not exactly kind), but once Cloud realizes the nature of those emotions are not romantic (and therefore not r*pey - while I do have a vested interest in avoiding that, I also don't think it's in character for Seph. He always struck me as someone who either didn't have interest in intercourse for its own sake or just never felt safe enough to try when he was still sane) ironically? I can see Cloud eventually feeling guilty. Because his first reaction would obviously be relief or even happiness at the fact that this is weakening Sephiroth and may potentially lead to his death, and I do believe that would be genuine relief. At the beginning there is no guilt. Just fury at the audacity and a vindictive type of happiness. And then the guilt stems from the insidiousness of a disease like this, as Sephiroth keeps being helpful, and seeing the reality of an individual who no longer acts untouchable like a God, suffering. Not beating the enemy by any honest means but by the simple fact that Cloud despises Sephiroth, and something is responding to that and doing the dirty work for him. And then, feeling guilty about feeling guilty bc he should be happy about keeping Seph contained and unable to hurt others by any means necessary, but he's not. He seems like the type of hero to spiral like that.

And then of course, as time progresses on, the hatred lessening the longer Sephiroth isn't doing any heinous shit, the worry of no longer being able to hold onto enough of that hatred to keep Sephiroth contained, because Cloud isn't stupid, he KNOWS Sephiroth isn't doing this out of anything genuine, but it's still working because humans are humans who have sympathy for those who look like they're suffering and memories that fade and get overwritten with time and new information. And so Cloud knows the second he lets go of that hatred, Sephiroth will go back to killing, but in the same breath he can't help feeling sympathetic. Knowing the manipulation and still falling for it despite yourself is probably uniquely infuriating and seems like the mindfuckery Sephiroth would enjoy.

Here's the kicker though, Cloud's response to that "not-hatred anymore, but not nearly indifferent enough to be neutral" emotion would probably be paired with him treating Sephiroth better than he was treated by any of the Shinra personnel, barring of course Angeal, Genesis and Zack, without even realizing it. Like Sephiroth was dehumanized for so long, both as a weapon to be used and feared and as a public figure to be idolized and adored - none of that was his own to control - so Cloud extending basic courtesies and concern is going to feel different. Maybe it reminds him of Angeal and Genesis, I dunno. It wouldn't be out of the left field, the disease probably already reminds him of the degeneration. So now he's reminded that he was capable of loving people, once. We don't got time to unpack Sephiroth's mile long list of issues in this post but let's say it actually makes Seph come to a couple epiphanies. If Sephiroth's feelings eventually shift to romantic love while Cloud's feelings are shifting to that not-hatred, not-quite-romantic-yet, but not-indifferent, Sephiroth is y'know. Still gonna be stuck with the disease cause it's not technically reciprocation. That would be hilarious wouldn't it. So let's say that happens and Sephy is confused and Cloudy is also confused at the fact that he's beginning to feel charitable towards Sephiroth but he's still not getting better.

On the contrary, I think he would get worse. Because NOW what the Hanahaki is latching onto is real and genuine love. Yeah, that previous weakening wasn't even the disease at full strength, have fun with that.

I can see Sephiroth getting frustrated at this point cause he doesn't seem well adjusted enough to notice his own feelings shifting and put two and two together, so upon realizing that Cloud feels some level of reciprocation and the disease is getting worse, he probably would just. Leave. And at this point in the story I think what would disturb Cloud the most is if he sees Sephiroth give up entirely. Because consistently, the man has never done that before. Sephiroth has never in all the crazy shit that he's done - given up.

Keep in mind, it's only really possible at this point cause Sephiroth has been feeling like absolute dogshit the entire time. Chronic pain wears on you, and for someone who has been inhumanly healthy and then the equivalent of a God, that constant exhaustion and weakness, the choking on your breaths and pain in your chest, and then being so sure of a solution and having hope, only for it to not work and to even get worse - also Seph doesn't have good coping mechanisms clearly - he gives up. And I think this is the push Cloud might need for his own feelings to shift.

And how fucked up would it be if the hanahaki flowers were sent by Aerith though. I don't think she would do that maliciously, but as a way to test if there's any hope for Sephiroth. She maybe didn't necessarily know it would manifest for Cloud, but just some type of reaction. A way to keep her loved ones safe from him? Weakening but not killing him because Sephiroth pollutes the lifestream if he enters it, and he also won't stay dead and everyone keeps suffering because of it and - basically they're at a stalemate. If there is no hope for Seph, then the flowers would do nothing. If there is, then the flowers may be a chance to change things. Imagine that. Whether or not it's in character for Aerith is up for debate but it would be quite interesting.

So Cloud talking to Aerith and learning that? Learning that things aren't as hopeless for Sephiroth as he had assumed? Another point that may cause Cloud's viewpoint to change. It's hard to deny the authenticity of someone's humanity when it's literally killing them.

And since my entire reason for liking Sefikura is partially because Sephiroth's backstory upsets me (most of it's because it's just an interesting dynamic, but the fact that Seph was made to be a weapon, abused throughout his entire life with little to no bodily autonomy nor freedom, thought he had been betrayed by two of the only people he loved, and then manipulated until he went insane, and is now never going to be free of Jenova or his anger and hatred because he gave into his worst demons - that makes me sad. So, admittedly I got into sefikura because of time travel fix-its where Cloud goes back and tries to fix things - which often includes people gradually realizing just how much abuse Sephiroth had suffered, and all the factors that were pushing Seph until he snapped. I mean granted, that doesn't excuse the awful shit he did by any means, but the odds were by every definition, against him from the beginning. The romance was just a large bonus of those fix-its) I'm going to give them a happy ending. Cloud stays there and tries to get Sephiroth back to how he was, and in the process with the amount of time they spend together, and the worry he's been feeling at how Sephiroth is deteriorating, helps push the feelings that are there into fruition. The Hanahaki clears, and Cloud expects to need to fight Sephiroth, expects that he would have to kill him. Sephiroth doesn't - not because he now values humanity or anything because I don't think any amount of redemption is enough for Sephiroth to reach that point, at least not that quickly, that shit would be a lifelong battle - but because he knows Cloud, and he knows he would kill him if he went back to how he was. If it really came down to it, to save the world, Cloud wouldn't hesitate. And once he crosses that line after they've had this dynamic, that's the last betrayal and there would be no going back, no returning. That would be the end, permanently. And he actually wants to stay by Cloud's side. There could be a moment where Sephiroth contemplates it, but in the end his better demons win out, if you wanna add more drama.

I have also thought about what it would be like if Cloud had Hanahaki and it would also be interesting, although the disease type wouldn't quite be the same as for Sephiroth, because Cloud does genuinely hate Seph. So, it would probably be more fucked up - if Sephiroth succeeded in keeping Cloud as a puppet, and that results in a manifestation of Hanahaki because of that forced devotion, since Sephiroth is only using Cloud as a tool. And it ironically weakens Cloud enough that he's no longer useful as a puppet and Sephiroth has to let go. Rinse repeat. Or if Sephiroth is somehow able to use his cells to induce a similar disease in Cloud. That'd be pretty damn fucked up, huh. Compels me though.

Anyways, I dunno if I'll ever use any of these ideas for anything, but it was still interesting to think about. Thank you for reading!

#they're so fucked up lmao i love them #sefikura #final fantasy vii #sephiroth #cloud strife #ff7 #cloud x sephiroth #sephiroth x cloud

[rolloollor]

Do you have any headcanons for rollo and malleus?

I don't have a list prepared or anything, but I can ramble for a while. I'm guessing this refers to the game universe, so I'll focus on that. I'm also going to divide it into a few sections. To no one's surprise, it's very mallerollo centric.

Loneliness

While I think Rollo would dote on children, I also think that he might avoid them. Especially boys that remind him of Jehan. He may spurn them entirely just to avoid the potential loss. It could be why he isolates himself in general, both as a kind of self-inflicted punishment and as a way to protect himself. 

Rollo himself isn't lonely, though. He gets plenty of social interaction at school and even heads the student council. Sure, he isn't close to anyone, but some don't crave that. And people really seem to love him regardless. They simply aren't "good enough" for him, though. They're stupid, they're magic-drunk mages, they don't see the world as it is, unlike Rollo. But deep down, he must want someone to tell him that what happened to Jehan wasn't his fault well enough that he could believe them. His parents may have told him this, but he doesn't take them at their word. What do they know, they didn't see it happen. What does anyone know? But Malleus is such an authority on magic, he understands it better than most anyone alive. Maybe he's believable. Maybe.

As far as I recall, Malleus doesn't initially feel lonely in the story. He's very close to Lilia and decently close to Silver and Sebek. But the potential loss of Lilia is too much for him. He needs someone to cling to, someone he knows will be there for him. Part of him knows Lilia can't be this person--even when he was a child, Lilia would travel around and had things to do. And, more recently, he started raising Silver. The fact that Lilia is probably his favorite person, while Lilia (from Malleus' perspective) may not actually put Malleus "first," probably bothers him. I imagine it's something he's keenly aware of. Anyone that engages him romantically is taking a huge risk tbh.

Malleus wants someone he can rely on and, ideally, someone who loves him the most out of anyone else in their life. Rollo lost Jehan. He has little interest in his parents or his classmates. In the end, he's alone... like Malleus is afraid of being. But because he's alone, there's no one he can put above Malleus. Well, no one alive, anyway.

Sexuality

Rollo, naturally, is sexually repressed. He's the type that gets uncomfortable around naked statues and will cover artwork of topless ladies when they pop up in a history textbook. The moment he met Malleus, he lusted after him, but this manifested as disgust and anger since he couldn't (can't) admit it to himself. Plus there's a taboo element there. Not only are they both men, but Malleus is a fae and one of the most powerful mages alive. He practically is an embodiment of magic, something that Rollo sees as a temptation to weak-willed mages. And by framing him that way, he can't help but think of Malleus as enticing.

I have no doubt in my mind that Malleus was keenly interested in Rollo from the getgo, if only because of the fact that he represented the invitation and he was the host. When Rollo revealed his plan and opened up a fucking trap door beneath the NRC boys, that interest turned hostile. It slowly shifted to a sort of respect and a bit of fear over the course of the event. Because Rollo is the only human to challenge Malleus, he is the closest thing to an equal he might have that's around. For a man who has always had immense power, this intrigues him. Rollo is dangerous, therefore, he is interesting.

I'm pretty sure both are bi. If Rollo was a woman, Malleus would still be interested in him and Rollo would probably be extremely weird about a lady Malleus. I figure fae culture may be more lax about sexuality if the Lilia thing in chapter 7 is interpreted a certain way. As for Rollo, well, he seems to me like he would be swamped with temptations like all the time. He definitely categorizes women into either Madonnas or whores. Probably does it to men, too, regardless of whether or not they're actually virgins. VP is pure, ultimately nonsexual, and also not very interesting to Rollo, while Malleus is a terrible, awful whore mage he can't get out of his head.

Miscellaneous

Rollo enjoys being both the big and the little spoon. As the big spoon, he gets to bury his face in Malleus' hair and smell him. The only issue is watching out for those horns.

Malleus is more vanilla than Rollo, but he loves getting a reaction out of him, so he leans into whatever gets Rollo going.

Rollo specifically eats grapes with the seeds in them. If he's feeling adventurous, he'll eat green grapes for lunch, but he usually regrets doing so. Just isn't right.

Malleus likes to give gifts because it reminds him of how Lilia would always bring him back a souvenir from his travels (and convey that he was thinking of him).

Rollo sometimes eyes attractive people in public without realizing he's doing it. If Malleus catches him, he'll sulk for days.

Rollo is strict with himself because he has a feeling that he'll fall into excess. And he probably would. Sex, alcohol, whatever, but especially sex. But if he doesn't end up with Malleus, he'll eventually amass an unpleasantly large collection of nude magazines. He might even go cruising somewhere...

If there's a particular topic people want to hear me go on and on about, let me know. Headcanons is kind of broad so I'm not sure if this was the sort of thing you were looking for...

#rllr asks #mallerollo #Rollo Flamme #Malleus Draconia #twst #twisted wonderland #headcanons

[brutal-nemesis]

YWDaC: Turns Out, Forever Is a Long Time

Ayo we have FINALLY arrived at the end of Castys's lil pirate misadventure I hope you have enjoyed all of the delicious lore

←Previous - Castys Masterlist

Ingredients: storm at sea activity, mentioned stabbing, suicide for "convenience" (it's not quite the usual level of he doesn't care but it's still not like bro wants to die yk), a little self harm (once again, out of practicality)

What Castys really wanted was to have something for breakfast, but responsibilities came first, so here he was, delivering a message that he could have ordered anyone else to relay, just so he could go back belowdecks and hopefully grab something on the way back, which made him wonder if he should have been given responsibilities in the first place, but oh well, he didn’t put himself in charge. Now, to get this done so he could eat. Castys knocked on the door in front of him, and upon hearing a noise that sounded like a word, he entered. Captain Izogie was sitting with her shirt partially off and her back to him, exposing the bold patterns of white fire ink curling around her dark shoulders. Alfyn was standing behind her with his hands on her bare back, clearly concentrating. It was a sight he’d seen before, but he always felt a little awkward stumbling upon it. 

“Uh, sorry, didn’t realize it was woman magic day.”

Izogie laughed a little as she turned her head to look at him. “Is that what you lot call it?”

“Less of a mouthful than whatever Alfyn says.”

Alfyn just sighed. “Estrogen production stimulation?”

Castys nodded. “Doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. Anyway, Captain, just thought I’d let you know the sunrise is red this morning, and given the clouds now, we’re all pretty sure it’s gonna storm. And yes,” Castys held up a hand, “preparations are already underway. Just wanted you to be aware.”

Alfyn, finished with Izogie’s treatment, stepped back. “In that case, I have a few things to secure in the med bay. If you’ll excuse me, Captain.”

Izogie nodded as she buttoned her shirt. “Thank you, Alfyn, you’re excused.” He gave Castys a smile as he left. “Thank you as well, Castys.” She gave him a thoughtful look as she pulled her coat on and stood up. “You know, when you first arrived, I wasn’t sure if you were going to last here, but here you are, my first mate, of all things. You’ve grown quite a bit.”

Castys rolled his eyes and smiled, leaning against the doorframe. “Well, yeah, a scared tied up kid rarely looks like he’s gonna amount to anything. And it took you a few years to get that mouth off of me,” he laughed.

“You say that like it’s gone completely,” Izogie said with a glint in her eye, coming up to stand in front of Castys. Despite more than a decade passing, she still towered over Castys, the passage of time only showing in the lines on her face and the gray streaking her hair. He hadn’t grown any taller, but he’d at least gained some muscle and quite a few scars, which was well within the realm of expectation for being a pirate. “Well then, let’s go help out, Castys. This isn’t our first storm, and we need to make sure it won’t be our last.”

“I’d prefer to go down to a sea monster, at least. And I can’t imagine anything short of a hurricane taking you, Captain.”

“I’d like to see one try.” 

The storm that night certainly did.

The rain came down in sheets, driven to needlepoints by the harsh winds. It was more difficult than ever to hear the shouts of the crew as reports and orders were passed around, and Castys’s throat was raw from relaying directions to the men at the helm. He was glad for the storm sails, because even though they hadn’t had time to put all of them up, they were still making good progress through the crashing waves. At least, he hoped so. 

The ship’s bow pierced through another wall of water, and it was all Castys could do to stay on his feet, holding tight to the rope tied around his waist. Shit, one of the men at the helm had collapsed, and there was no one else to take his place. Castys ran up, grabbing the wheel alongside the others as he continued to keep an eye on the angle of the bow and the oncoming waves. It was fine, he could keep this up even as his arms burned from the strain, the hairs that had escaped from his ponytail blowing in his eyes and sticking to his face, making it even harder to see, the ever-louder thunder overhead drowning out the sound of his own voice. Didn’t matter if things were only getting worse, they had to keep-

CRACK

Everything was too loud, or maybe too quiet, roaring and buzzing, he was pressed up against the soaking wood of the deck and there was a ball of dense, sharp agony buried in his chest, making it hard to breathe, he kept coughing, couldn’t stand, couldn’t see, the blackness was coming, fading in and out, and all of a sudden he was belowdecks, blood and rain puddling around him, hands on his chest, pulling up his shirt, the words muffled, his chin moved up, Alfyn’s eyes were gray and full of fear, he hadn’t seen that expression before, or maybe he had, and maybe he was going to die, here, because of the storm, because he couldn’t breathe, time was up, that was it, those thirty-four years were over and done he wasn’t getting that time back no more tries he was satisfied with that right he had to be he couldn’t have any regrets because he wasn’t supposed to but it would have been nice if…if…

Castys woke up to a vast expanse of yellowish-white, which was not the color he expected the afterlife to be. Upon further inspection, though, it turned out that it was just a sheet over his head. After tossing it off and sitting up, he was greeted by a shrill scream that should have come from a young girl but actually came from Alfyn. 

“Chill, dude, you shouldn’t have put that over me if you’d healed me.” Castys narrowed his eyes a bit as he talked. Did his voice always sound like that? Maybe whatever injuries he’d had had damaged his hearing or something. He wasn’t in any pain now, though, so that was good.

“C-Castys you-you’re-how are you-” Alfyn ran over, nearly tackling Castys as he pulled up his tattered shirt to reveal a rather bloodstained but otherwise perfectly fine torso. Castys gave him a weird look, leaning away.

“Uh, you’re the one who fixed whatever it was, weren’t you?” He brushed his wet hair off of his face as he stared down at himself. Why the fuck did he grow his hair out, again? It was annoying as hell like this. 

Alfyn shook his head in disbelief. “I didn’t heal you, Castys. You-you were…both of your lungs had collapsed and I-I couldn’t fix it but-” He looked Castys in the eye, frowning. “You…you look different. Younger.” He ran a hand over Castys’s ribs, and Castys was very glad that he was more than used to the medic touching his bare skin. “There’s no scar from what just-” 

“Hey, what are you-” Castys yelped as Alfyn forced him to lean forward, pulling up his shirt even more to expose his back.

“You still had scars from your first day, didn’t you? When you were flogged?”

“Uh, I think so? I don’t really make it a hobby to look at my back, so you’d probably know better than me.” 

Alfyn sighed, letting go of Castys and standing up. “Well, if they were there before, they’re gone now. You…” He looked around at the patients lying on the cots on the other side of the room. “Do you feel alright, Castys?”

“I think so? I’m not in any pain or anything, but…I dunno, does my voice sound weird to you?” There were a few other things that were bothering him, but he couldn’t really get a solid hold on what they were. He just felt different, his thoughts more scattered, his arms less muscular than he remembered, the persistent ache in his left knee from a battle wound a few years ago completely gone now.

Alfyn nodded slowly. “Now that you mention it, it does seem a little…off.” He frowned again. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you, Castys, but I have more urgent patients to attend to, and I’m going to ask you to stay put until we can get this sorted out.”

“But the s-”

“Fine then, I’m not asking, I’m ordering. Doctor’s orders supersede everything else, you know that. And the storm has almost passed. So stay. Put.”

Castys grumbled and crossed his arms, but he didn’t move to get up. He knew all too well that Alfyn wasn’t above restraining disobedient patients, and he’d rather avoid that today. Bored, he peeked at his chest again. It was very bloody, but there were no injuries anywhere, and poking his ribs didn’t hurt like a bitch, so they weren’t broken or anything. What was weird though was that he still had some scars, just not all of them. The twisted one on his tummy and the clean line over his heart were still there. He slapped a hand on his right cheek and tried very hard to smile, finding that, yup, he still couldn’t really do it on that side, so the remnant of the gash on his face was still there. But the one on his knee, on his arm, and apparently the ones on his back…gone. It didn’t make sense. Unless…

He put a hand over his heart. Every scar he still had now, he’d gotten before…before that day. The day he still didn’t want to believe had happened. Just as he was about to dig up that lovely little box of buried memories, Captain Izogie rushed in, worry etched in her face. 

“Alfyn, is it true Castys is-” she laid eyes on Castys and the tension visibly drained from her body. “Oh thank Mydnar.” She walked over and crouched down in front of where he was seated on the floor, eyeing him suspiciously. “What…what did Alfyn do to you? You look like a kid again.”

“Not my fault!” Alfyn called from where he was working on someone’s fucked-up arm.

“Uh, yeah, I, um,” Castys laughed nervously. “It’s my fault. I think. But I’m okay! All the breathing is happening fine.”

Izogie shook her head. “You’re not making any sense. Laias said a broken piece of the mizzen top yard poked a hole through your chest.”

“It did,” Alfyn said, wiping his hands as he walked over. “Both of his lungs were punctured. I worked as quickly as I could after I pulled it out, but…” he swallowed. “Your pulse was gone, Castys.”

“But I…I’m fine. I’m…” He swallowed. Everything was so cold all of a sudden, that was the only reason he’d be shaking like this, right? Had to be. Unsure if he even wanted to know the answer to this question, Castys lifted his shirt, poking at the scar on his stomach. “Alfyn…what if a person was…was stabbed right here. And the knife was dragged and twisted a bit before being pulled out. And then it went,” his finger was over his heart now, “right here. Would that person…would they die?”

Alfyn looked at Castys in slight horror before slowly nodding. “Without medical attention, in a matter of minutes. Possibly less depending on how much the stomach wound had bled and how much damage had been done.”

Every worry line in Izogie’s face stood out more than ever before. “Castys, you-what are you saying? Are those scars-”

“I think so.” Castys dropped his shirt. “At least, from what I can remember. So maybe I…I already died. Before this. All this time I just thought I might be remembering things wrong, but if what Alfyn said about earlier is true, then…and it might explain why I’m…different.”

“So you think you’re some kind of…” the furrow in Alfyn’s brow deepened, “immortal?”

Immortal. The thought was sort of exciting, as ridiculous as it seemed, but it was also sort of terrifying. Why the fuck was he one, anyway, if it was true? He was just Castys, a random pirate with incurable amnesia about his childhood and hadn’t done anything special besides the whole…maybe this was some kind of fucked-up reward for finishing his mission? But then where had-fuck, okay, no more of that, his brain hurt too much. Why think about things when he could get some results?

“Hey, Captain, could you stab me or something? I wanna see what happens.”

Izogie, who was still clearly trying to process whatever the hell was going on, gave him a very concerned look. “No, Castys, what-even if you think you’ll-you’ll come back what if-”

“Well, I should have died twice now. So I feel like I’ve already gotten a second chance if I was going to be dead anyway.” He glanced over at Alfyn. “Could you-”

“I’m a fucking doctor, Castys. My hands aren’t-I can’t. No.” The other pirates cursed pretty much every other word, but coming from Alfyn, that word might as well have been a cannon blast. Seeing that neither of his friends were willing to stab him for science, Castys dropped the idea and let them examine him for a bit before finally getting cleared to go back to his quarters. The crew gave him odd looks as he passed by, just hammering it in even more that he was different somehow. Either that or they’d heard he fucking died and was now walking around perfectly healthy, which was also probably cause for concern.

Once he was alone, he pulled out his sword and looked at his reflection in the blade. From what he could tell in this shitty makeshift mirror, his face did look a lot more youthful than he remembered. The scruff on his chin and his longer hair did make him look a bit older than the age he supposed his body was now, but the beard was itchy and long hair was a pain in the ass. Part of him wanted to hack his ponytail off right now with his knife, but he’d rather not look like a total mess on top of everything else, so he could wait to ask for a haircut tomorrow. He could shave, however, and he felt a lot better once it was done. 

Turning the razor over in his hands, Castys wondered if he really would come back to life again if he slit his throat or whatever. Well, only one way to find out. His clothes were already super bloody, anyway, so that wouldn’t be a problem. Here goes nothing, then.

Why were his hands shaking so much? It was just dying, he’d apparently done it before, it was fine, he’d come back, he wasn’t leaving anyone behind, just a quick swipe of the blade and then…then…he’d come back, right? Right. A-and if he didn’t, he’d already cheated death before, so it was only fair for things to end now. Deep breath maybe his last-

The blade moved a little more slowly than he would have liked, a flash of pain before-

Castys opened his eyes. He was still in his cabin, lying on the floor, razor still gripped in his hand, fresh blood warm and sticky on his neck. S-so then…he’d died. And come back. And wasn’t in any pain. 

Some sick fascination drove him to slice a deep gash in his arm before turning the blade on his neck again.

He woke up just as healthy as before, no cut in sight.

That settled it, then. Castys…he was immortal. A deep feeling of freedom unlike anything he’d ever known washed over him. He could do anything, go anywhere, not having to worry about wasting his time or being in danger, because fuck that he was immortal nothing would ever stop him again. 

Lying in a puddle of his own blood, Castys couldn’t help but laugh.

He got slapped and lectured the next day for testing things out on himself, sure, but it was nothing in the face of his infinite future. He could go on with everyone forever and e-

Kamon left. 

Alfyn died. 

Izogie retired.

And then, one day, Castys was standing on the deck of the ship, his ship, and he realized he didn’t recognize a single face looking back at him. Well, he recognized them, but he didn’t know them, didn’t remember any of them from his life before the years felt like minutes. There was a divide between them, and he wasn’t sure who put it there.

Immortality was…lonely. Isolating. 

Someone else like him had to be out there, right? So he’d look all over, chase down every lead, even an immortal monster or something would do, he just needed-

Castys felt as alone as he was all those years ago, trapped on that deserted island, the passage of time impossible to follow. 

But no matter what, he’d find that ship on the horizon. 

Castys Cult: @as-a-matter-of-whump​ @blackrosesandwhump​ @fanmanga1357-blog​​ @thehopelessopus​ @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi​ @hearse-song​ @muddy-swamp-bitch @whumpasaurus101 @yet-another-heathen​​ @galaxywhump​ @starnight-whump​ @his-unspoken-words​ @misspelledwitch @suspicious-whumping-egg​ @pumpkin-spice-whump​ @painsandconfusion @i-can-even-burn-salad​​ @befuddled-calico-whump​ @whumpinggrounds @whump-queen​ @whumpedydump @theelvishcowgirl​

#i wrote something #whump #castys #immortal whumpee #pirate whump #suicide for convenience #why is it so hard to write things that arent pain why do people have to talk to each other so much #but uh there you go there's Boy Finds Out lore #ive said it before in like an ask answer but now it is right there in the canon: #castys acts the way he does partly due to the fact that he is mentally 19 and his brain is not fully mature! #he's also just. like that. but he would mellow out some with age for sure #uh what else...oh rip to kamon i was planning on including them more and then it just felt forced so sorry bruh #yes izogie is trans and during this time period HRT is similar to our world where it's something that has to be upkept constantly #it's just a magical procedure instead of a shot #later as shit advances magic will be able to force the endocrine bitches to produce the preferred hormones forever with only one procedure! #it's still a slow process but much less upkeep #i could talk more (you can send an ask if you want me to 🤧) but back to this actual thing #alfyn i just took his name from the octopath apothecary and no one called me out so im doing it myself #poor castys gets so excited about being immortal and then immediately gets hit with the reality of crippling lonliness lmaoooo #i say immediately but it was like 20 years or smth #i can FINALLY work on next erebus chapter oh we are finally at the Place no one will be excited but me

[waitingforthesunrise]

Plus-Size Dancing: entry 1

I’m trying a new thing! This is really a diary for me to look back on, but you’re welcome to join :) it’s bit of a rant/ramble.

I cried at my first contemporary dance class.

I used to dance ballet as a little kid, four or five. I made my notorious onstage debut at five; I got lost in the choreo and decided it was boring anyway, and went off to the side to enact my own (much cooler) dance.

But somewhere along the way, I stopped dancing.

I was first officially ‘plus-size’ at fifteen. I have Hashimoto’s disease (among may things), which severely impacted my mental health. And my weight.

I was suddenly unable to lose weight. Any healthy action I took had to be for my body’s wellness, not for aesthetic purposes, because it was literally impossible.

I started working out (which I detested). I got into lifting, which I slowly learned to love. I faced judgement as a plus-size woman lifter who was actually quite strong, but it didn’t stop me. I felt like such a badass, and for the first time it felt like my body was on my side. I started doing a deep dive into self love and appreciating my body for everything it did. I started to learn how to quit apologizing for taking up space.

But I still wasn’t dancing. I was stiff and often sore. Inflexible. And it didn’t help that I obviously had unresolved medical trauma (long story but I almost didn’t live and did, so win) trapped in my body. Why do yoga if you just end up crying??

I started doing yoga because I wanted to do the splits. I stayed because it was more than that. But I was scared of dance even while I craved it. You can’t hide your body in hip hop. You’re dancing with it, showing it off, enjoying it.

Hip hop is sexy. And I wasn’t ready to think I was sexy yet. I wasn’t sure if I could ‘show off’ my thighs or my butt or my belly when I had so desperately wanted to change them. hip hop is a celebration, and I wasn’t sure I had anything to celebrate.

But I did. I started doing classes online — beginner, of course — finding my yoga flexibility served me well. I danced to songs that made me feel like a goddess and finally realized I was one. I loved my jiggly, big, beautiful body. I loved the way I felt while moving to a song.

And then I tried contemporary.

And I cried. A lot.

All my classes are online, because dance is this extremely personal experience for me. And it often unlocks more trauma (because who doesn’t love random mental breakdowns) n the middle of class.

My teacher instructed us to imagine the air as a color filling our lungs, our muscles, our nerves. She said the dance was a conversation with the air and the floor and the music; the colors swirling through our blood leaping up and flowing out. It was reaching deep down and asking ourselves questions — how should we move? How do we feel? Are we being true to ourselves? And trusting we’d find the answers.

I have Hashimoto’s. My body is practically trying to murder my thyroid. I also have OCD, and my symptoms include intrusive thoughts and compulsive skin picking.

There is very little trust involved.

So I cried some more.

Trust is a tricky thing. Our relationships to ourselves are a conversation, fluid and full of motion. Often it feels as though trust should feel hands-off — I can definitely trust myself in this situation, no worries — but maybe it should be hands on. I’m going to maintain an active conversation with myself. No matter what happens, I trust I’ll still be there to pick up the pieces. I’ll still be sticking around for myself when shit hits the fan.

Dancing is about trust. It’s trusting my body does, in fact, have some ideas about what motions feel right — and that I’ll be there on the entire journey to figuring it out.

I cried because there was finally a space I could trust myself to cry in. It brought me right up against all my rough edges — I was made so acutely aware of my body in space. I felt weightless and weighted, grounded and flying. I was alive and I was beautiful and I was taking up space that had always been mine to begin with. I was here, present, in a body that hadn’t always felt like home.

But you know what?

Maybe it’s time for Move-In Day.

#First class down! #I’m so excited for class two #and I’m hoping to keep writing more entires to look back on :)) #tw weight #Ari dances

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Kou Maniac [Epilogue]

CHAPTER MASTERLIST

ー The scene starts at the department store

Kou: Haah...

( I went back to being an idol in the end... )

ー He recalls his own words

Kou: It’s fine, don’t worry! I honestly wouldn’t mind if my agency decides to fire me!

I mean, Eden is top priority right now, isn’t it?

I wouldn’t want the situation to get completely out of hand while I’m enjoying the sweet idol life over in the human world!

While it’s fun to be an idol, it’s not like I have any kind of special connection with my job. I wouldn’t mind putting a stop to it right here, right now!

ー The flashback ends

Kou: ( I know I said that and all, but I guess I was kind of attached to it after all. )

Manager: ...What has gotten into you?

I was wondering what had caused you to abandon your job for a bit, but even now that you’re back, you’re constantly fretting over something...

Kou: Eh? Ah...My bad.

Manager: If you can apologize, then maybe have some self-awareness as an idol instead.

Do you really think you can appear in front of your fans making that sort of expression? 

Kou: ...Right. I gotta step up my game...

( Today we’ll be unveiling a new line of swimsuits at a special stage set up in the middle of this shopping mall. )

( There’s quite a few well-known models attending and I believe my manager mentioned something about an interview for TV as well. )

( If I do a lousy job, it could ruin my reputation forever... )

Manager: ...Oh well. More importantly, don’t forget to cover up your birthmark before you get on stage, okay?

Kou: Eh? Aah, this one...?

( This mark I got on the side of my torso since birth. Sometimes it’s hard to hide when I’m barely wearing any clothes. )

Don’t worry. I’ll put on a hoodie when I go on stage, so I should be able to hide it. 

Manager: I’d hope so...

I’ll be on stand-by at the sidelines. Come to me as soon as you’re ready. 

...I don’t know what exactly happened, but don’t forget that you have countless of fans, okay?

Kou: I know. I promise I’ll be able to appear as the Mukami Kou they are expecting to see. 

Manager: ...Yes, I’m counting on you.

ー His manager leaves

Kou: ...Haah.

( I better get going soon as well. )

ー Kino shows up behind him

Kino: Wow! That get-up leaves little to the imagination! Idols don’t have it easy, huh?

Kou: ...Kino-kun!? What brings you here?

Kino: I came since I had nothing better to do. I kind of wanted to see what your job is all about.

Kou: You had nothing better to do...? Are you aware that this place is off-limits for outsiders?

Kino: Don’t sweat the details. Can’t you give me special permission as your friend? 

Kou: Haah? Please don’t? I don’t remember us becoming friends. 

Kino: Ahaha. I’m joking! ーー Anyway, that birthmark...

Kou: ...Ah, this? I’ve had it my whole life.

Kino: Hmm? It has an unusual shape. It kind of reminds me of something...

Kou: ...It’s a lily, isn’t it? That’s what I’ve been told before at least.

Kino: Told? Ah, by Eve?

Kou: ...Shut up. That doesn’t matter. 

Kino: Fufu. Did I hit the nail on the head? How nice to see you guys are so close. 

...Wait, that girl has left to be with Subaru, hasn’t she? Ahaha. My bad~? 

Kou: ...What’s your problem?

I’ll get going now, so you better leave before someone sees you.

ー Kou leaves

Kino: A birthmark in the shape of a lily, huh...?

ー Fans begin cheering as the event starts

Attractive Ghoul Lady: ...

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the entrance hall of the Mukami manor

Kou: ...I’m home.

...

( I’m alone now, so there’s nobody to welcome me home, is there? )

ー He walks to the living room

Kou: ...Haah.

*Thud* 

Kou: ( It’s no fun to hog the couch all to myself. )

ー A flashback ensues

Kou: Hey, Yuiー I’m struggling to unbutton my shirt so can you help me out?

Yui: Sure. One second.

*Rustle rustle* 

Yui: ...? Hey, Kou-kun. Have you always had a mark over here...?

Kou: Eh? ...Ah, sorry. I’ve had it since birth.

I usually hide it with concealer but I forgot today.

...I guess it makes sense to be curious about it. Bet you would have rather not seen it though.

Yui: Oh no. I think it looks lovely. 

Kou: Eh...?

Yui: I just thought it looked a lot like a lily...I’m sorry. I guess it’s uncomfortable for you?

Kou: ...No. I’m happy.

To be honest...I’ve always hated this birthmark. 

I’ve had many people tell me ‘if only that mark wasn’t there’ in the past...So I’ve been trying my best to pretend it’s not there.

Yui: Kou-kun...

Kou: But right now...I might have finally grown to like it a little.

A lily, huh? ...Fufu, that’s kind of cute.

ー The flashback ends

Kou: ( ...Exactly. It’s all thanks to her that I was able to view this mark in a positive light. )

( With my family and her by my side...I was able to establish my own identity. )

( And at some point, she became a part of that as well. )

For everyone’s sake, for the sake of the world...

Perhaps I shouldn’t have tried to be the hero like that...

( Maybe I should have just taken Azusa-kun’s advice and ran off somewhere faraway together with her... )

Little late for that now, huh...? Haah...

*Thud*

Kou: ーー !? 

( This presence...Somebody has invaded the manor? )

*Rustle* 

Kou: ( Who could possibly...ーー? )

ー Kou recalls Kino’s words from before

???: ーー In that case, I guess I’ll tag along to the human world.

Azusa: Kino-san...

Kou: Cut it out. You’re annoying so don’t follow me.

Kino: Oh come on, why not? I’ve got a job I’ve got to finish there as well.

You know, I kind of abandoned my Demon-hunting endeavors halfway through.

Kou: ...Gotcha. Be my guest then.

ー The flashback ends

Kou: ...In other words, he plans to hunt me down as well!

...Damnit! What is he hoping to achieve!? 

( I can’t believe he’d betray me the very moment I actually start seeing him as an ally... )

...Ugh...

( ...But I guess it’s fine. If this is an opportunity to get myself killed, I might as well take it. )

( I mean, what point is there in being alive still? )

( ...No, that’s wrong. I still want to ... ーー )

ー Somebody approaches him

Attractive Ghoul Lady: ...

*Cling* 

Kou: ...! What are you here for...?

( The face of this Ghoul. She’s the lady I’ve seen in my dreams before...? )

Monologue

A few days have passed,

since I started living with Subaru-kun.

With Subaru-kun by my side,

I visited Eden,

alongside the other Sakamaki brothers. 

Apparently Ruki-kun and Yuma-kun,

had already been informed about the situation,

by Azusa-kun, who got there first.

The look they would give me,

was complicated to say the least.

I believe that’s because they also know,

that I did not decide to end things with Kou-kun,

because the two of us had a falling out. 

I tried to stay strong and be optimistic,

but it seems like they saw right through my act after all...

I simply could not take it any longer,

so I decided to take my distance,

from the other Mukami brothers.

ー The scene shifts to the inner courtyard at Eden

Yui: ...Haah.

( I heard Kou-kun headed to the human world all by himself... )

( I guess he didn’t want to have to see me, huh? )

( ...I do want to see him. )

( I know I chose Subaru-kun, but I don’t want to pretend as if there was nothing between Kou-kun and myself. )

*Rustle* 

Subaru: ーー Yui.

Yui: Subaru-kun...? What a coincidence running into you here.

ー He suddenly embraces her

Yui: ...!?

L-Let me go...! Why would you embrace me all of a sudden...

Subaru: Fuck off. Why would I let you go? 

I mean, it’s all Kou’s fault for makin’ you do this shit, isn’t it?

I don’t want to see you sad.

Yui: ...That’s not true, Kou-kun holds no blame...

Subaru: Che...You just can’t seem to get him out of your head, can you? 

I’ll make you forgot about him then. ...With these fangs of mine. 

*Rustle* 

Yui: S-Subaru-kun!? Stop!

Subaru: Che, pipe down! Behave!

Yui: ...!

*Rustle* 

Yui: ( Oh no...At this rate, he’llーー ... )

ーー No!!

ー She slaps him

*Smack* 

Subaru: ...

Yui: Ah...M-My bad...

Subaru: ーー Fuck!

*THUD*

ー Subaru stomps back inside the Castle

Reiji: ...Did I not tell you that it would take time? 

Subaru: Like I give a fuck ‘bout that! I don’t remember askin’ for your opinion!

*Flap flap flap*

Reiji: Hm? This is...

...Haah. As if we did not have enough trouble as is.

Subaru: Aah? What happened?

Reiji: Your Mother. Christa-sama has gone missing.

Subaru: Haah!?

Reiji. We’re goin’ back to the Castle pronto, so go call her!

ー Subaru runs off

Reiji: Good grief. He sure knows how to order us around...

ー Reiji walks away as well

*SCENE SHIFT*

Ruki: ...Poor Eve. While this may be her destiny, it is a cruel one...

Yuma: Still, we kinda need her to be with a potential Adam right now, or else we’ll be in deep shit, right?

Ruki: Yes. Exactly.

ー The scene shifts to the guest room at Kino’s room

Kino: ...Ah, by the way, Yuuri. Have you found that rule-breaking Ghoul yet? 

You know, the lady who came to my house uninvited the other day.

I put her on Demon-hunting duty, but I heard that she moved elsewhere without permission. 

Yuuri: Yes. She has trespassed the Mukami manor, out of all places. 

Kino: The Mukamis...? I mean, there is technically a Demon there...

Anyway, go and tell her that she can’t hurt Kou. 

He’s highly valuable to me right now, and I have yet to receive my money from him. 

Yuuri: ...Actually, there is one thing I am worried about in that regard.

That Ghoul is repeatedly whispering some nonsensical words. 

Kino: ...Heeh. Come again? Hey, tell me some more about that. 

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #kou mukami #lost eden #diabolik lovers translation #lekoumaniacepilog

[sheasshovel]

gotta ask, tbh can't believe someone hasn't done this, BUT-

lifers as genshin characters, who's who

omg WAITTTT this is so hard cuz so few genshin characters have actual writing and like each life series has wildly different vibes for each character BUT ILL DO MY BEST (fanon save me) ((and im doing majority sl since I remember it the most)) ((((ill do it based on vibes i think))))

Etho -> weirdly… im thinking Cyno. “Did you jump?” And him trying to mimic the aha jokes and being “pathetic and quirky” in sl matches cynos nerdy energy OH WAIR I SHOULDVE SAID KAZUHA CUZ OF CANADA UM

Cleo-> beidou.. “I WILL FRONT STAB MY FRIENDS THANK YOU VERY MUCH.” Pirate slay lady and has a big cool ship in s6 hc

Grian -> erm like. traveller💀 IM SORRY HES AETHER TO ME AND GRIAN ISNT EVEN THE MAIN CHARACTER but yeah he FR just goes with everything happening around him

Lizzie -> pink haired lady with underwater empire u say…….. kokomi (I haven’t watched empires) but like kokomi if she was written well and emphasizing the war general girl failure parts of her

Scar -> itto cuz I love him next question. also ITTO is an immortal and scar never died in sl imagine the angst potential “the last one standing”

Martyn -> he’s so self aware so this is super hard but like. Maybe uh um HEIZOU cuz he’s always like thinking ahead but sometimes silly but he’s also like smart and a detective too! or maybe HEIZOU is Grian u choose

Jimmy -> BENNETS luck and Mika’s everything else I JUST THINK ITS SO FUNNY

Skizz -> whos a funny father figure in genshin. Ill get back to u on tha oh my god he’s dionas npc father HELP IDK I CANT ANIME GAME HIM HES TOO STRONG

Tango -> THOMA IS HE THOMA? blond nice team player kind of dense AND THOMAS PET DOG IS LIKE TORCHY TO ME or is he childe cuz of the rage. I dont know!

BigB -> AYATO he’s secretive but also :3 and ayato would probably gaslight people for fun. and ayato is related to ayaka the most :3 girl ever. they are insane and wildly charismatic and also silly. Like imagine of ayato presented himself as more wholesome on the outside. Or if bigb became royalty do u see the vision

Scott -> Self sacrificial… trustworthy…. “I still might kill myself but now its less likely”…. team player… blue hair? idk I think it has to be like IDK IM DRAWING A BLANK IM GETTING KAEYA FROM HIM IF KAEYA WAS MORE LOYAL? IDK

Impulse -> Erm uh uh uh uh let’s say uh let’s say uh uh uh uh uh bro who’s a smart dad in the genshin lineup someone help me NUEVILETTE??? WTF IS HE NUEVI WHAT NO NUEVI ISNT SILLY idk what to do here

Gem -> Navia SHES A BUBBLY GIRLBOSS with so many emotions and omg when gem killed Scott and was like shocked. I thought of how navia would react to silver and Meluse dissolving in front of her eyes and having to ignore it. In both of their cases, having to ignore it to focus on the task (haha) at hand. Also both should join the mafia anyways

Pearl -> ERM Hu Tao. insane. SUPER STRONG and heavily misunderstood “sorry i think I gotta little bit crazy” from dl is so perfect but honestly I CANT see hu tao as the self sacrificial type, or forgiving type like in sl so idk

Bdubs -> tiny. Easy to enrage. segond in command….let’s make him UGH HOW DO I MAKE BDUBS A ONE NOTE GENSHIN CHARACTER WITHOUT TAKING ANOTHER MONTH okay errmmmmmmm let’s put him as xiao but if xiao was less traumatized and sillier

Joel tiny heinz-> Childe… blood lust and trauma but he also kind of gives ALHAITHAM cuz of his sarcasm

Mumbolio -> thoma he’s so sweettttt but also kind of cray cray like is thoma not insane for protecting the TRAVELLER in front of RAIDEN hello?¿ 0 self preservation skills

RENDIGGITY DAWG -> theatre kid furry. he’s Lyney next question

if I missed any lifers pls lmk I am stupid and this is driving me crazy

#secret life #life series #i just need this done #it’s been in the drafts for a long one boys #FEEL FREE TO TELL ME THAT IM WRONG I NEED TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE #this is my grians’ mending book #I’ve lost sleep over this one #genshin impact #hermitcraft #help

[sumiblue]

(pictured: HE <3)

I bought a little aloe plant today.

Every place we lived in when I was growing up had aloe plants, so it seemed a natural and easy choice for my first houseplant in my first flat. The plant display in the Co-Op is right next to the door, so I picked it up, chunky green arms trailing over the pot, and placed it in my basket, carrying it with me while I got my other lumpy, hefty items. Do you see what Problems May Arise from this course of action. Me too, but I did it anyway because I was simply too nervous to do the unthinkable; shattering checkout line normalcy to go, “Oh, one moment” and dashing to get it then. My timidness cost my juicy friend a couple of his limbs, but he’s home now, on my rather bare bookshelf, green and alive. I love him to bits (...of aloe in my shopping bag) and he’s only been here for 10 hours. I keep going over to his corner, introducing him to his new environment and telling him how lovely he his. So far it had been amusing to verbally greet my living room furniture every morning, but it’s a different delight to now natter on about any and everything to this living being who might be hearing me. It scratches that itch to use one’s voice for connection. I have to keep reminding myself, though, that he’s not a new interlocutor, and my search for fulfilling connections should continue.

Loneliness, like aloe plants, has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, though living on my own for the past 3 months has definitely given it a different texture. Not worse, not better, just different. It’s probably due to an amalgamation of a few things. Moving across the Atlantic. The accumulated lessons learned and experiences from 30 years of being alive. Probably not the multi-year worldwide health emergency though...Oh wait.

I imagine most of us have seen article after article about how extended self-isolation during the pandemic has shone a light on how lonely a lot of us are, if it hadn’t caused it in itself. My mum shared an article with me this week, which talks about the fact that, for the very lonely, the solution may not be finding company with other people.

Loneliness isn't just about not being around people. It's been said numerous times that the pandemic and lockdown gave many of us the chance to really examine our relationships. We were forced to be still and listen to ourselves for once, and became more aware of what we were (or weren't) getting out of the socializing we habitually engaged in. I think, in many cases, we realized that while we had company, we weren’t experiencing connection. We started to crave it deeply, and were stymied in our attempts to fill that void because oops, outside could kill you. However, going out to find connections isn’t the solution for everyone, like the article says. Maybe in your stillness you discovered that spending time alone was precisely what you needed, and you started learning how to connect with your Self. Filling your own void. Self-love is healthy! We each have to figure out what fills that gap for our individual puzzles, whether it's solitude, company, a different type of company, etc.

I wonder also if this massive awareness of our own loneliness is sometimes misconstrued with the feeling of grief. Change leads to loss, and if we’ve experienced changing perceptions of our relationships, our selves and our social fulfilment needs, we’re bound to be thrown into a turbulent twisting uncomfortable storm of emotions. And here we’re back to sitting in self reflection innit, asking ourselves, is the name for this storm loneliness? Grief? Both? I don’t think they’re entirely separate, but it may help to identify where you are so you can figure out where to go.

Personally, I do think that my puzzle piece is painted with other people, particularly with shiny deeper connections. Having been isolated for a few years, I’ve found I do need that external input from even light interaction to remember that I am not uniquely horrible but am in fact, in a human general sense, pretty okay! I feel it in the shared frustration with the pensioners at the bus stop because the big blue bastard (affectionate) is 20 minutes late again. I feel it when the cashier wags their finger at me and says “Silly little girl, you must have confused this Appleton’s Rum for apple juice. ID please and thank you.”* In these brief little moments, I get reminded that people Exist. We just Are. We are all complicated and flawed and still wonderful. Not gonna lie though, finding and making those rare closer connections would be fucking fantastic. People around whom I can feel like I’m not the Only One. Unmask with me baybee.

But as a very temporary stop-gap measure, my darling precious aloe boy suits me fine.

*An exaggeration but it fuckin’ felt like this

#a reflection and ramble #loneliness #my art

[rainbowvolt]

I tried this once already but out of nowhere I got attacked by the overwhelming notion that my antics are pointless and that the world around me is crumbling and so I deleted the entire message and took some time to journal out my feelings in the classic rambling poetry style that I have perfected over the years. It didn't make me feel better nor did it provide any fresh prospective but I'm feeling better today so I came to the conclusion that if nothing matters then I'm going to go back to inviting just a little bit of chaos into the everyday lives of people I have never met just because at least im having fun that way. That being said, what the fuck is up gamer? I put on some sublime to write this one to bit now amazon music is playing beck (loser) but I actually really like that song so I'll allow it. Anyway I was on hinge the other day, because just like you I am chronically single, and unlike you I do care because being alone with my thoughts for too long drives me insane and to do shit like this for fun. So I'm swiping and I'm complimenting I mean just imagine me turning on the God damn charm, and I match with this one girl who I think is attractive and we're chatting it up and suddenly bam, no reason at all, I lose all interest. I just felt like it was pointless to even keep talking to her my heart just wasn't in it so I did, I stopped. I probably still could hit her up if I wanted but the truth is it's just a lot of work, relationships that is, and I don't think I have the time to dedicate someone that I want to be able to dedicate. It's weird. Life. Love. Happiness. I try to remind myself that happiness, at least the way that we see in happily ever after movies and books, doesn't really exist. The best you I can ever hope for is to be content. And I'm not sure if that's true or if that's pure unfiltered copium that I'm doling out to myself on a strict rationing schedule so I can make it through the throes of years long depressive episodes. I've considered therapy but whats a therapist going to tell me? Oh you're unhappy for literally no reason, just take these pills? I've done that ya know, the pills didn't make me happy they just made me numb to the world around me and incapable of emotions. Plus my job would kick me out onto the streets if I sought out help, I already got a waiver for it the one time and if I get back on them I'm afraid it'll be game over for my career. So I guess I'm kinda screwing the pooch here. It's always like that, coin tosses and horse races I guess. I just want to break free. I don't know if that'll solve it all, but I want the option to at least seek it out. I used to believe, genuinely, without an ounce of fucking irony that my depressive thoughts and feelings, and my borderline schizophrenic tendencies were genuine fucking shortcuts to creativity. I would sit there and really channel them into my poetry, but you know what? While some of that shit is undoubtedly the best I ever wrote, it wasn't because mental illness is some sort of magical potion, it's not because hurt and pain breeds greatness, it's because I was just being truthful I think, as raw and true as I could possibly be. And I've read some of it to people ya know, like my mom and a few friends, and they just say it's so good and I guess I appreciate their support but it's not good, it's bad ya know, i was trying to share a piece of me that i rarely let anyone see and I guess people just saw it as a piece without the deep emotional relationship that it has to my psyche, maybe I gotta specify like hey this is real shit. But ya know I've also been trying to breed a mental positivity, I try to tell myself good job and "hell yeah dude" for anything that could be considered an accomplishment. I wouldn't say it's the most effective but maybe it's doing a little something. This whole self awareness thing is kinda new to me, obviously, like I seriously lived the first 8 years of my life without a single thought, I remember like watching TV or having a conversation and it was just static upstairs.

Which is kinda funny actually cause now all I fucking do is think. Ugh. To be a frog. A mindless bug eating happy little frog. Those guys have got it made. Love frogs. A ray of sunshine in an otherwise dark and disappointing world. That and when people say bazinga. That shit is hilarious. Also, you have to say bazinga, that's the whole point of this. We've established a raport and now I'm cashing in pal, you gotta say bazinga, you owe me. And if you don't I'm reporting you to PepsiCo. They will bottle and carbonate your ass. You'll be sold worldwide. I wouldn't risk it just fucking say bazinga. I'm dialing them right now, doot doot doot look I've only got a few numbers left last chance bud

I, an autistic person who is currently wearing a flash t shirt, have been asked to say.. that word. Irony aside.. no. I'm not falling for your silly tricks, your insightful-incel Seinfeld style stand up routine, and so.. I turn it back on you. You have to say 'wubba lubba dub dub'. I'm exchanging all my favours, my coupons are going straight in to this uncomfortably shaped vending machine and my goodness something better come out. It's time to make good on your reputation, time to come forth and fulfil your destiny, to do what must be done; it's time to whip out a test tube or two to help Frankenstein some confidence into that ugly little lump of brain mass and say the damn words. Say. The damn. Words. Wubba lubba dub dub.

#i love this #it reads like Seinfeld but interesting instead of mildly offensive

[mishkakagehishka]

You know it's very funny because reading the bit about the self aware au just brought out like the worst in me and I couldn't help but think (mostly due to the ritsu part, because boy don't you dare touch my dia) "oh yeah? Two can play that game you know. Touch my día and you're dead to me. What if I decide to never open the game again? What if I uninstall you? What if I forcefully break my phone and buy a new one that has nothing in common with the last one? You won't see me ever again, is that what you want? Don't test how far my spite, anger and disappointment can take me."

Because within the context of "you don't quite know what's going on, but there's something wrong" and especially if you do not realize they're self-aware, they're still just kinda.... A bunch of pixels? So if they bring you more pain than the joy they once did, why wouldn't you get rid of them? If you realize they are actually self-aware that night bring more problems though (moral conundrums y'know y'know)

Anyway I love the concept it's so fun to think about <3 I'm also blaming the worst parts of my thinking process currently on "I'm salty due to my lack of sleep and the blorbos are going to pay for it"

Under the cut for length! As always, yandere is not something I approve of or see as romantic, instead I see it as horror - and similarly see the yandere self-aware stuff as the cousin of the "i got a haunted game at a yard sale" creepypastas lolol

No but you're exactly right. Let's imagine, for a moment, that something like "the pixels become self-aware" actually happens - you might think off-handedly "oh, wow, like those sci-fi movies where the AI becomes conscious and destroys the world", but that's exactly it. You'll think "sci-fi", "movie", "world's end" and it's all very unrealistic. I don't think anybody's really immune to the "But it won't happen to me" mindset especially with something as far-fetched as that. So, even if you think about it, you'd likely just wave it off as a funny joke you came up with and instead go ahead believing you're experiencing a weird bug. Honestly, I've seen weirder playing enstars, and I've had bugs that seemingly nobody else has encountered, so I wouldn't even be fazed. Might e-mail support if it gets really bad (as in - if Ritsu yoinks my hard-earned dia), but I wouldn't be overly worried.

But spite is always a good trait to have in these cases. And literally - imagine you're saving up for a feature scout for the character you produce above all else (instead of an event, bc I think scouts being reliant on luck will often mean you'll end up spending a lot more than on events), let's say you managed to rack up enough for 100 pulls - not even halfway to the point where you'd get pity, but not an amount to sneeze at by any means either. Tomorrow the scout opens, and, if need be, you can still grind some stuff, an upcoming event, some songs you haven't S+ combo'd, and so on, but it won't give you a lot of dia. Maybe for another 10pull - maybe - but every little bit counts.

And then this bitch (lol) on your homescreen gets jealous. Maybe you've skipped his event scout because you wanted to make sure you had dia for this other idol, and he can't have that. So he just... erases your dia. Doesn't even spend it on anything, simply takes those hard-earned 3,500 dia and changes the code into a sweet little zero (this hurt to write). Emailing support wouldn't even help as it's not really a bug, and I imagine it'd be hard to prove you even had the dia in the first place and that it just disappeared. It wouldn't surprise me if someone would be discouraged enough to drop the game. Especially if you're f2p - it's no easy task grinding dia. But I don't think Ritsu would really know what his actions could have as consequence - he'd act out of emotion and on impulse, and wouldn't really realise the problem until suddenly the player is only getting the daily logins, then they log in once a week, then once a month, and then they stop playing. Support was no help, the event scout came and went, and the player, discouraged and disappointed, lost interest. Soon enough, the game is uninstalled, and Ritsu has an eternity in the void to think about how his unhealthy jealousy and impulsive actions brought him that loneliness.

Although if you then make the connection of "Hey, wait a minute, didn't Ritsu literally threaten me with this?" you're definitely better off just buying a new phone before installing enstars again. I imagine the self-awareness like a virus, it stays on your phone the same way game data sticks around if you reinstall a game, except they kinda leak into every crevice of your phone, able to connect to anything the phone connects to, so if you charge your phone on your pc, and then install enstars on the pc through an emulator, you get the "corrupted" enstars there, too.

And dhbdjdjd entirely understandable... i hope you'll be able to get some shut-eye later in the day <3 or at least a moment to sit down and chill!

#i do enjoy thinking ab this topic but the idea of dia erasure hits especially hard considering i too am saving my dia rn #i'd cry if if all disappeared tbh and i'm not above dropping games either #remember when i dropped twst en - among other stuff - bc i got so pissed off at reaching pity on floyd's banner and i still didn't get him #that was painful. i haven't opened the english server since </3 #ensemble stars #self-aware enstars #yandere #ritsu sakuma

[theminecraftbox]

That ask was a little curt. I should clarify that I didn't mean to oppose that writing choice for c!Q, because I really do enjoy how you portray him. But "know your place" is such an interesting sentiment to think about, and not one I can recall him ever expressing... quite so bluntly?

It's long been essential to c!Quackity's motivations that not only does he want power for himself, but that others who would use it against him or those close to him don't have it anymore: Wilbur, Schlatt, Techno, the Egg, and most of all Dream. I recently rewatched the stream where c!Fundy joins Las Nevadas, which includes a whole rant about exactly that and promises that here, in Las Nevadas, Fundy would be able to do whatever he wants without anyone bossing him around (...haha). Las Nevadas 4 contains the infamous "good authority" scene, which - as an aside - I'm don't believe Quackity entirely buys into about himself (he did, after all, admit to multiple other recruits that they would be entirely justified in killing him).

And veering back into some of your own work - in Shell Game, you touch on that theme a lot! Even in the place where c!Quackity was at his most powerful, where he subdued the person he hated the most, all it takes is some teasing (and a vivid imagination, and a pinch of self-awareness) to send him right back into that old helpless frenzy.

So there's an undercurrent of mockery that goes beyond c!Dream's lowly prisoner status, beyond Q's sarcastic snippery, beyond his need to assert himself. It's not just "I think I'm better than you," the way a certain someone else's thoughts behind a similar line might be. It's "I think you think you're better than me, and I want you to understand just how wrong you are." Because after all this time, all this horror that's dissolved into tedium, Dream still has the audacity to make fun of him, to pretend his controlling is simple concern, that he isn't just a greedy sadistic beast who cowers from a blade or an open flame like any other animal.

And, well, nobody should get power and authority purely for the sake of it, right? It's a resource that not everyone can wield. One that you have to be strong enough to fight for, and respected enough that others will fight alongside you, and good enough that you deserve to have it. And if you can't be that, you belong at the bottom.

Weak, alone, and despised. Like c!Dream is. Like c!Quackity fears being.

Yeah, I know it's a small line to focus on, where the explanation could be as simple as "he's posturing to the guy he tortured for two months" and make perfect sense. But I couldn't help but read into it a bit more.

...Or a lot more. Sorry for putting an essay in your inbox when you shouldn't even be looking at a screen, lmao

/dsmp /rp

Don’t worry, I didn’t think your ask came across as curt/as a criticism! I just took it as an honest question, haha.

These are great thoughts! It’s something I love thinking about too, how much more (or less) blunt Quackity might be willing to get about his own motivations when he’s in a situation with all the power—or all the power on paper, anyway. Maybe he can admit more. Maybe he can admit less. In some ways, he has the leeway to be pretty damn honest with Dream and at Dream, and in some ways it’s more essential than ever that he retains distance between how he acts and how he really feels.

I think you’re dead-on about how Quackity views power primarily as a threat rather than as something he wants for its own sake. The key is that it’s a zero-sum game: Quackity wants power so that other people can’t have it, and so that other people cannot use it to hurt him, or to prevent him from getting what he wants. He sees other people having power as, concretely, taking power from him.

If Dream has power in his tiny little cell, then that means that Quackity’s position isn’t as secure as he thinks it is. If Dream is able to claw back his autonomy and get his terror under control, then that is an explicit and horrible threat to everything Quackity’s managed to achieve. That means Dream *thinks* he has power, and thinking isn’t so far from making something true. Quackity knows that best of any of the prison trio—that power comes from both what you think you have, and what the people around you think you have.

The “good authority” rant is so interesting to me in the context of Quackity’s variable self-awareness. He retains the true conviction that some people (Dream) are sincerely and honestly bad for pursuing their own power/self-interest, but he still straddles this strange line where he’s convinced of his own right to do, basically, whatever the fuck he thinks he needs to to secure his own power, but also that his power in some ways needs to be justice-oriented. His delusion is nowhere near the level of Sam’s, but it’s still definitely true that Quackity is convinced he’s fundamentally better than the likes of Dream and Techno. This is a power thing, too—where he can’t claim the political or physical high ground, he will damn well claim the moral one.

#and my eyes are now Screen Approved don’t worry #they can now see goodly #<3 #fic talk #c!dream and c!quackity

[glitch3xists]

The Debate

This is a dsmp fanfic. Probably part 1..?

The first person character is glitch, my persona. Nothing really is used to describe glitch at all, so if you wanna self insert, go ahead. This is just a lil story thing I wrote with a friend because I was really obsessed with the L'manburg era at the time of writing.

This is kinda old. I edited it, but still. There may be some grammatical errors. If so, I apologize.

TW: Swearing. A bit of swearing. A lot of swearing. Glitch is on pog 2020's side. Kinda gets mean. This takes place during the debate. Yeah-

Enjoy!

(This font is thoughts btw)

______________

"Tommy, may I momentarily step in?" I asked the blonde teen with a small smile.

Tommy was in a debate against George for vice president and he was getting a little too emotional. George might win this and that is awful enough as it is.

He looked at me hesitantly, really wanting to finish his argument.

"Tommy. Let her help. Our country is at stake." Wilbur commanded softly.

Tommy sighed and muttered "Fine", before switching places with me as I stood up to the podium.

"George not found." I started, taking in a deep breath as I prepared my speech.

"Yes?"

"George that was not an invitation to start talking." I deadpanned.

Tommy, Karl, Quackity, Fundy and Wil burst out laughing.

"...Anyways. I noticed how you have been bringing up certain points to this debate, such as not letting others into our beloved land. And, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to unveil a couple points myself."

My smile vanished and I gave him a scary pointed look. I was truthfully beyond pissed.

"You tell the court how we wanted war. That is false and you know it. I could tell by just your body language; you were pulling something out of your ass. We made the country peacefully. We never wanted any harm. It says so in the tennets, if you were willing to glance at them. We have a rule about not wearing any armour on our sacred land and even a rule against welding weapons while on our grounds. You were the oned who wanted war."

I could tell I struck a nerve when George started actually paying attention and wasn't playing around anymore. He visibly straightened his posture, which caught Quackity's attention.

"H-hey, wait a minute-" Quackity attempted to cut in.

"Quackity, I believe your turn is over. Now stop interrupting." I glared.

He uneasily looked back at George and their whole party was starting to get nervous as they watched their party member tense.

"As I was saying, we handed dream a declaration of Independence and in return, dream handed us a declaration of war."

Tommy had a wide smile on his face. "YEAH!! TELL 'EM!!" He hyped up.

"We have no sign or indication we meant harm. And we also clearly express this when you were the ones to shoot the first arrows into our land."

"Th-that-- was only because--!!"

"George, I believe I wasn't finished FUCKING talking." He leaned back in his seat, a sign he was trying to distance himself from me. Perfect.

"You are well aware I am correct and I have visual evidence supporting this." I reached into my pocket and watched the opposite team begin to sweat. Out of my pocket came a good handful of tapes.

"I-I believe it's time we move onto our next debate topic-" Quackity stepped in, looking to the judges stand.

"Your honor, please imagine with me for a second. Imagine you have something dear to you, ranging from maybe a journal to a music box. Whatever is important to you. Now imagine someone came in and absolutely destroyed that precious thing you hold dear to you." I looked to Karl for his reaction as I spoke.

George's nose twitched uneasily, pressing his lips into a thin line.

"You get that precious thing fixed and it has recovered. Now imagine that person coming back and trying to take it away from you."

Karl stood for a moment, humming. "Well, I'd truthfully tell them to fuck off. It's mine and not theirs."

I smiled warmly. "How do you think we feel?"

"No, your party ran for election because you wanted to officially rig the system and become president yourselves!!" Quackity intervened.

'I pushed him into a corner. He's getting defensive.'

"We were the only people of L'manburg and we wanted to make sure this is what the people wanted." I calmly replied.

"Bull fuckin shit!"

"I'm sorry, would you rather we let war thirsty enemies in to run for the country we fought for?"

"I-I--" Quackity tried to start.

"YEAHHHH TRY TO BEST THAT ONE BITCH!!" Tommy cheered.

"Shut up! You paid off the judge!!" Quackity hissed.

"And you are the one who asked the judge for easy questions to answer. You think we were going to forget? You tried to rig it first."

"Just shut up!!"

"Tell me to do that again."

The court room instantly shut up.

"No, do it again. Please. It's sooo reassuring to know that the people who want to run for president and vice president want their people silenced. What do you think that screams about your party and their views?"

Quackity and George shared a worried look.

"Ohh, no denying it? Well that settles that." A smirk tugged at the ends of my lips.

They both jumped. "W-wait- your honor, that isn't--" Quackity cleared his throat.

"And another thing." I continued, ignoring the opponent's attempt at cutting in. "What have you done for this country? Wil, Tommy, Tubbo, Fundy, Eret, and I were here making this beloved place from the ground up, not just building structures to commemorate our friendship, but building more trust and faith in one another. You know what George from S.W.A.G. Has done, Your honor? Destroyed it. Would you rather have a loyal, listening president who keeps the peace?" I paused to gesture to wilbur as I spoke.

"Or somebody who clearly wants this amazing country wiped off the face of the earth with no care towards it's citizens?" I turned away from Wilbur and glared at the opposing team.

"We care about the citizens!!" George quickly tried to cut in.

"You care so much you killed them? Taking a one life from each?" I inquired.

Tommy excitedly cheered, clearly overjoyed.

"It appears I have left the other party speechless. Your honor, please observe this and add this to your opinion. We are loyal, caring, and have tried to keep peace. All they have done is wage war. Oh and not to even mention how the person running for president in their party has a past with the person who started a pet war and killed multiple pets. We stayed we will have a dependable authority to come in and stop crimes from happening."

A small breathy chuckle resonated from my frame.

"And Quackity simply believes that everyone will blindly follow rules? What kind of dictator believes everyone will follow him no matter what comes out of his mouth? At least our president has openly showed his love for his nation and the citizens resided within. He listens. He converses and draws a conclusion everyone agrees with."

I took a pause, letting my words sink in, before continuing.

"George and his friends may have started the war but we sure as hell finished it. Tommy sacrificed his prized possessions for his nation. That's how loyal he is. Here in this party, we all signed the declaration of independence, standing side by side and writing our signatures with the same pen. We have history and faith with one another. And I will put my life on the line for these people who sit behind and beside me. Thank you." I ended, giving a small bow, before walking and switching places with Tommy.

Tommy excitedly congratulated me on wiping the floor with the other team, unable to stay still as he gave a tight side hug. I laughed in response, amused with his actions.

The other party eyed me with both intrigue and frustration. I was a threat in their eyes; it didn't take much to see that. But it's their fault because you don't fuck with my friends.

"Glitch." I quickly swiveled around to face the source of the voice, being met with the President's eyes. "I'm so very proud of you. You did outstanding." I could see the pure joy and satisfaction in his facial features.

"Thank you, wil."

A smile stretched onto my face.

I will not let him down.

_________

That's the end. There is kind of a second part to this? I might post it, it just depends. I hope you enjoyed!

#dsmp #i don't know what this is #this is so old 😭 #short story #L'manburg #L'manburg era #pog2020 #S.W.A.G2020 #i don't even know anymore #Wilbur Soot #Tommyinnit #Quackity