#another one that was done mostly a month ago and got some refinement in the past week lollll

[avalencias]

Beauyasha week, day 5: hands

Think of it as a follow up to day 1, feat. some more hopeful angst. Incidentally, also a thematic redraw of one my first cr pieces, so I’m into it.

#critical role #critical role art #beauregard lionett #yasha nydoorin #beauyasha #beauyashaweek2022 #cracklepop #my things #on a break between numerous emails this morning 🫠 #another one that was done mostly a month ago and got some refinement in the past week lollll #actually figured out a halfway decent csp setup on my ipad so that’s cool #cheers to another 2 years of figuring out how I want to redraw this one

[oneofthepowerful]

February 10th 2024 - Blog 2

Roughly every week or so, I would like to share some behind the scene progress of my series One of the Powerful, as it has been going through some developments, which we shall be discussing starting with this blog.

Rigging

After hand drawing two, over 10 minute animatic episodes. While storyboarding Episode 3 (which will be heavily action focused) I began thinking about how I could save time drawing as I noticed each episode taking longer and longer to make due to me being a one-man animation team. One of these ideas was creating 2D puppet rigs, that could allow me to pose characters like an action figure. And since I learned how to use control points to rig hair strands in Clip Studio Paint, I thought I could settle with that. As yes, it saves time, however since the program is very limited when it comes to puppet animation, being more of an illustration and frame by frame 2D animation software, I felt like there could be a better way to do what I felt would be best for this series.

I proceeded to study a few cartoons that I noticed used 2D rigged puppet animation, and looked into the software that some of the shows were made in. One that really interested me was Toon Boom Harmony, I saw that some people were able to give the appearance that a character is 3D by using controls even though it was all 2D, like this. I knew I wanted to learn something like this for my series, being able to pose a character’s head in different angles with some adjustment here and there would save so much time!! However, Toon Boom is WAYYY out of my budget sadly, but then I saw that Blender Grease Pencil and its rigging tools could give me a very similar if not the exact same result:

I’ve used Blender in the past, however only for creating basic camera movements for some of my animations. I had made a donut a couple of years ago but that was just about my experience with the program, my knowledge with Blender is very much limited. However, I was dedicated to try and give this whole rigging idea a chance so I proceeded to watch some tutorials to learn not only 2D rigging, but also Blender’s Grease Pencil, due to it being able to draw with vectors. Over a month later, I thought I’d share my progress:

After learning how to rig an eye, mouth and eyebrow to understand the basics of rigging; I noticed just how time consuming and tedious the whole process is, there is a lot of steps and A LOT of trial and error as anything can go wrong, it can take multiple rigging attempts to get the result you are after. But once you finish a rig, it’s such a rewarding time saver in the long run!

Once I understood the basics of rigging, for the past few weeks I have been chipping away at a 2D rig head turn, following this tutorial series! Using Hoshi as a test, since I thought he would be the easiest out of the main cast to rig, and well… that was until I was drawing out and rigging his hair - I had to really think about how each strand was all layering on top of one another and it was extremely time consuming, however I have got it mostly working now!

Currently, all of Hoshi’s facial features are rigged, this past week or so I’ve been rigging his mouth using what I learned rigging the last one. And it’s decent -but like most of the rig, it needs more refinement, being all a bit unpolished. I have also been having a lot of trouble rigging his lips, as they don’t deform the same way as the mouth rig, causing me having to place the lips manually, every time I change the mouth pose - which is a pain, so I’ve been trying to get it working with little luck at the time of writing. I also need to add in proper controls for the rig to make it more easier to animate, which will be done once everything is rigged and working as it should.

Down below, are some expression tests I did with Hoshi's rig, keep in mind these are all still a work in progress as I mentioned the rig is quite unpolished, however I’d love to hear your thoughts on it!! ^^

Concepts

While working on the rig, I have been making some minor rewrites, like adding more depth to events and characters in the story of OotP - which at this point in time I cannot speak much on due to heavy spoilers. However, Season 1 may end quite differently than originally planned, the ending being more polished and more organically linking things up, instead of things just coincidently happening. This all leading into season 2 more smoothly! ;)

Since I’ve been rigging, I’ve been thinking about character design a lot and thought since Episode 1 and 2 are likely going to be remade using 2D puppets for consistency sake. I’ve been wanting to slightly update some character designs, as I’ve barely changed the main casts' civilian designs since 2021 if memory serves me right, and there is somethings I want to change more with Cassidy and Hoshi’s designs - Erin’s design is fine for the time being, but I will change a few minor things like simplify their hair slightly for rigging, however their design changes will come up at a later date.

With Cassidy since she is based off a lion, I had her hair be in a braid to sorta resemble a lion tail.

However, for her new civilian design I’m considering having her hair more curly and bushy to fit her more happy, chaotic, bubbly personality, and to have it now sort of look like a lion’s mane? Then when she goes into her Powerful State (where a Powerful, someone who has magic, transforms to use their full abilities) I will have her hair transform in a long braid like before! Imagining the transformation for that is super fun!! 😀

I am also considering changing her outfit a little to be more casual and to have it easier to rig? I think changing her colour scheme to fit more with her blonde hair and the whole lion resemblance would be cool, however I might leave that for her powerful state outfit? I’m still figuring out her outfit, but I like the bright colours of the middle illustration (down below) as it fits her loud, outgoing personality!!

Also did you know that once a Powerful’s magic awakens (this can happen from when they are a child, like Erin’s case, or when they are a teen like Hoshi) it can sometimes alter their appearance when in their civilian form or "disguise", most commonly their hair. For an example, Cassidy used to have dark hair, however once her magic awakened, her hair changed to blonde. However everyone in this world, Powerless or not can be born with any hair colour, or people can choose to dye it. :D

Onto Hoshi, I have drawn some expression tests, being reference for the rig!

While working on Cassidy’s redesign sketches I thought I’d tweak Hoshi’s outfit a little as well. Without spoiling much, Hoshi wants to become as unnoticeable as possible, like he doesn’t exist (at least in his civilian design). When I designed Hoshi a few years back, I didn’t really flesh out his past or motivations all that much. So now looking at his current design, the contrasting colours of red and green could symbolise his messed up mental and physical state, but I’m not sure how much it really fits him outside of that, and I think the colours also stand out a bit too much for what Hoshi wants. So I’ve been thinking of toning his outfit's colour palette down a bit. I still don’t know if I will get rid of his red jacket as that has stuck with him since the very start back in 2020:

For rigging, you really want to avoid placing details on joints, and I knew that Hoshi’s knee ripped jeans would most likely make things quite complicated, so I am going to also play around with different designs for that in the near future!!

Down below are a couple of colour variations of a sketch from a potential updated Hoshi design:

I would absolutely love to hear your thoughts on this!! I hope these blogs provide more insight on the progress of the series behind the episodes!!

Thank you all very much for reading! ^^

#Youtube #oc #web series #indie #orginal character #animation #blender 3d #2d rig #2d rigging #kritaart #original character #character design #update

[nugnthopkns]

i know you get deja vu

word count: 1.4k

warnings: explicit fem!reader, cursing, it's mild angst up in this b

recommended listening: deja vu | olivia rodrigo

a/n: wrote this short little ditty while avoiding my adult responsibilities lmao. it is not great but i really like the premise, maybe one day i'll do something more with it

Your eyes have to be failing you.

There’s no way he showed up, let alone with another girl – who looks shockingly similar to you. She’s a more polished, more refined version of yourself, and anger bubbles in your stomach the moment you see him walk through the door with her in tow.

When your parents informed you they’d invited Pierre-Luc to your graduation party you shrugged it off. Their reasoning was he’d been a large part of your college experience, and it was sound enough logic. You stumbled across him in a coffee shop during your freshman year and quickly fell into a romance that lasted until a few months ago. The breakup was rather brutal, though your family doesn’t know that, so you didn’t expect him to stop by your parents’ house to congratulate you on completing your degree.

Much to your distaste he does make an appearance, with who you presume to be his new girlfriend. You don’t want to stare at the pair, but you can’t help it – they look good together, possibly better than you and Pierre did. However, you notice that the young woman has on a dress that’s identical to one hanging at the back of your closest. Pierre had bought it for you when you accompanied him to France one offseason, and the thought of him replicating the trip with her crosses your mind.

Finding it too much to be in the same room as him, you excuse yourself from a conversation with some of your father’s business partners and grab your sister by the elbow on the way into the sunroom.

“What’s the matter with you?” She grumbles, upset you pulled her away from a conversation with a boy she has a tiny crush on.

“He’s here,” you whisper shout, doing your best to inconspicuously point to the culprit of your dampened spirits.

“Who?”

“Luc.”

Her expression softens, and it’s clear she feels sorry for you. “Shit. I didn’t think he was actually going to show up.”

You let out a rather strangled laugh. “Me either, but he’s here and I don’t know what to do.”

The two of you stay tucked inside for a few more moments, deriving a plan that gets your ex-boyfriend off the premises as fast as possible without him seeing you. She heads outside first, making sure to grab one of your cousins who’s obsessed with hockey on her way. Together they make a beeline for Pierre, who is beyond excited to catch up with your family. You slip through the door and into a conversation with some fellow graduates in the back corner of the yard. It isn’t interesting, just about future plans, but it keeps you occupied. You’re careful to keep you back turned and your voice low – anything to keep your existence inconspicuous.

Your sister keeps Pierre-Luc busy, chatting to him about how the playoffs went and what his goals for the offseason are. A small crowd gathers around him, mostly just extended family members who haven’t seen him in a while, and he indulges their questions with a kind smile. You can tell your luck is running out, that he’s finally going to spot you in the crowd and rush over to say whatever he came here for. The fates are cruel, and at that moment your mother calls everyone into a circle for a toast.

“I want to thank you all for coming,” she says, pulling you to stand beside her. You can tell Pierre is looking at you, but you avert your eyes and look anywhere but him. Your mother continues talking. “We’re incredibly proud of our daughter for completing her degree, and we can’t wait to see what she does next. If you’re here, we appreciate the role you played in her success. To Y/N!”

Your name is chanted like a chorus, and your eyes meet Pierre’s as he raises his glass. The intensity of his stare makes you blush, and you bury your head into your father’s shoulder, playing it off as being overcome with emotion. More toasts ensue, including one where you thank everyone for their continued support, and then the cake is cut. You try to slip inside, praying that Pierre-Luc and his date will leave, but the devil himself grabs your elbows as you open the back door.

“Congratulations,” he says softly, accent thicker then the last time you heard his voice. You can’t lie to yourself – he looks good. The sunshine has done wonders for his skin, and the tattoos peeking out from his shirt sleeve look new.

“Thank you.”

You offer nothing more to the conversation, which clearly upsets him, but he doesn’t do anything other than knit his brows together. It makes sense that you wouldn’t want to speak to him since the last time you did was the screaming match that ended your relationship. You go to make your exit, but the small girl hanging off Pierre’s side speaks.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” she smiles. “I’m Maisie. Luc talks about you a lot.”

“Pardon?” You’re caught off guard. Why would he talk about you to his new girlfriend?

The man in question shifts uncomfortably, like he’s going to get caught in a lie. “Yeah, it’s so nice that you guys are still friends.”

There it is. Saying that you split amicably is probably the only way he could convince her to attend this stupid party in the first place. “Ah,” you sigh, “Well not everyone is afforded the same luxury.”

Against your better judgement, you compliment her dress. Maisie thanks you graciously, explaining that Pierre bought it for her and once he’s cleared to leave Columbus they’ll be taking a trip to France, with a pit-stop in Portugal because she’s never been. Your insides churn, but you manage to keep a glaringly fake smile plastered on your face. The conversation shifts, and you find out that she also studies English Literature and expects to graduate next year. You laugh off all the coincidences, but it’s obvious to you and Pierre-Luc that Maisie is a substitute for the person who came before her.

“Why don’t you go get us some drinks babe?” Pierre asks, and the girl skips away after reaching on her tip-toes to press a kiss to his cheek.

You fiddle nervously with the hem of your dress, anxious to be alone with him. “It isn’t what it looks like,” he starts, but you cut him off.

“It’s exactly what it looks like Luc, and don’t you fucking dare say otherwise.”

He lets out a defeated sigh. “So what if it is? I think it’s glaringly obvious that I still love you.”

No shit you think, but you bite your tongue and say something more respectable. “I’d say so. She’s exactly like me, but hopefully she won’t mind being asked to put her whole life on hold.” There’s a bite to your tone that you can’t help, but it sets Pierre-Luc on edge.

“You can’t still be fucking on about that.”

You’re seeing red now, irate that he is still choosing to minimize your emotions. “I am! Because you asked me not to continue school, which is something I explicitly told you I wanted to do, just so I could be a more conventional NHL girlfriend. And then you broke up with me when I said I wouldn’t do it.” You inhale a deep breath before continuing. “I hope you have fun with Maisie in France. You should take her to that little café we went to, in Bordeaux, where we ate so much food we couldn’t walk back to the hotel. And I hope that every time she looks at you like you hang the moon, you remember that you’re recycling our entire relationship because you let it fall apart at the seams.”

Perhaps your emotions got the best of you, because the look on Pierre-Luc’s face is nothing short of shock. You’re taken aback too – your parents raised you better than to say hurtful things, but seeing him again brought up a myriad of things you hadn't yet dealt with. Without another word, you spin on your heel and head inside, slamming the door behind you. It shouldn’t upset you this much, after so many months, but for a reason you’re unwilling to admit to yourself it does.

You sit in the bay window of your childhood bedroom, wrapped in a blanket even though it’s the beginning of summer, and watch as Pierre-Luc presses a kiss to her forehead before thanking your parents for inviting him one last time. Just like him, every relationship you have for the rest of your life will be an attempt to replicate the love you had for Pierre – a never-ending circle of deja vu.

☼☼☼☼

taglist: @samsteel @kiedhara @tortito @boqvistsbabe @iwantahockeyhimbo @himbos-on-ice @2manytabsopen if you want to be added shoot me an ask :)

#pierre-luc dubois imagine #pierre-luc dubois x reader #pierre-luc dubois fic #winnipeg jets imagine #nhl imagine #nhl fic #hockey imagine #hockey fic #cwrites

[mmmleckerlecker]

I was reading the questions you've answered, and I'm curious now: you said that the co-existence between preds and prey is very recently. So I was thinking the HP world from years ago, when pred could snatch up whoever prey they wanted... How was the society in that time? How did they live? (Headcanon: prey lived underground?) Did the preds have no qualms in consuming whoever they could find? (prey children/teens or the elderly, for example?)... The harmony was founded by a prey or pred? (1/2)

What was the reason for the preds to make the jump from consuming indiscriminately to the public/private contracted prey? (another headcanon: preykind severely disminishing in numbers?) I find your worldbuilding so enchanting, I'm sorry for the avalanche of questions. You're awesome! (2/2)

AHHHH YES!!! THE QUESTION I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!!! No need to apologize!!! I have considered making a post about stuff like this for awhile now but I’m always like “do people REALLY wanna hear all that?” But now i have the perfect excuse. Thank you, anon! You’re awesome too!! (WARNING this kinda turned into a chapter length read. So I hope y’all like to read history about fictional worlds.)

Okay so. This is all stuff I’ve sorta kept in my head and have built upon when I’ve had ideas, so sorry if there are some gaps currently haha.

So I imagine preds and prey started trying to “make peace” about five centuries ago but didn’t start living in true “harmony” until about two hundred years ago. And I use the term “harmony” loosely because clearly there’s still a lot of infighting happening. Before that, the preds and prey lived in two entirely separate cultures. The prey lived in larger, more stationary groups while the preds lived in much smaller, more nomadic groups. They also DEFINITELY didn’t speak the same language.

So for preds, the groups they would live in were more like traveling pods that consisted of maybe 1-3 families living/working together. Having groups of preds getting too large was… not sustainable. It would create too much competition for food. So each group would usually give other groups of preds a wide berth. Granted there were definitely still spats for territory, especially if said territory had a good supply of prey available.

Prey, much like in modern times, were never really the preds’ main food source, however. Preds would still hunt and gather like normal. It would usually take some organizing to get a raid together on a prey village (or a pred could just get lucky and stumble across one that wandered off alone). Consuming prey all the time was just too much effort. They weren’t a practical food source nor a completely sustainable one if they were over-predated. Also! Keep in mind, the more a pred consumes, the more their body acclimates to handling such a large meal. It would be better for the preds to consume every once in awhile and have their prey take longer to digest (hence, keeping them fueled longer) than to consume ALL THE TIME and risk addiction. I think consuming would probably become more regular in the cold months too, when it was harder for preds to find other food sources.

As for WHO the preds would consume? Definitely adults would make for the best meals. Children? Well, I imagine prey would be very protective of their children, first of all, making them difficult to obtain. But also they would just make… not as filling meals? Also prey children are mostly the same size as pred children so there might be that little hesitation there on the pred’s end as they’re reminded of their own kind. I guess if the pred is desperate? There’s always gonna be a time and place for special circumstances. As for the elderly… I imagine they also live in places that are harder for preds to get to. I also think if a prey managed to live that long, they would have a trick or two up their sleeve. But like I said, there’s always a possibility for things to happen.

Now for how prey live…. Like I said, they live in larger groups. There is safety in numbers, after all. These groups were basically villages, sometimes even cities where prey could really know their territory and set up defenses against any invading preds. (An underground dwelling is really cool idea tho! I also believe that prey evolved to be able to fold themselves up and be comfortable/feel safe in tight spaces that preds could never reach them in, so prey living in like a cave system might actually work really well!) Like it’s been stated in the story, prey tend to have a lot more children than preds for “just in case.” This could cause their towns to become rather large and populous sometimes.

Prey, also unlike preds, usually tried to keep in contact with neighboring towns/villages/cities. This was one of the key factors for what made it possible for the shift to both sides living in harmony to happen. Since the prey lived in settlements and kept in contact with other prey settlements, it allowed for a certain development of culture as well as the sharing and recording of knowledge that preds… just didn’t have. Prey were able to develop things like farming and running water. They could study math and science and share their knowledge in libraries and schools. They were really on their way to becoming an advanced society, they just had one big (both figurative and literal) problem holding them back. They constantly had preds attacking and killing off their people.

Despite their efforts to fight them off, the prey just weren’t winning. So they decided, if a war against preds wasn’t going to get them anywhere, then why not make peace? The first step for this was the prey learning the preds’ language. This was… dangerous, of course. But it was done enough that the prey were able to open conversation with preds. Just this move alone caused a huge shift between both sides. What are you supposed to do when your food, which for centuries has only babbled nonsense at you before you swallowed it down, suddenly starts speaking to you like an equal? It certainly gave preds pause, but not enough to stop consuming. Not that the prey didn’t expect this. They approached the preds with more than just a common language. Their first big move was offering them food. And not just any food, but GOOD FOOD. Cooked food, decadent food, spiced foods, foods that preds didn’t have the resources (nor the patience) to prepare.

Sharing food took… probably a little more effort than one might expect. Prey and preds view food fundamentally different. To prey, it’s sustenance but also something to enjoy and connect with. To preds, it’s simply something to stop hunger. There was a sort of learning curve for preds to actually learn to ENJOY food for its flavor, but once they got it… OH BOY!!! A door was opened! Because despite LIKING prey food, the preds weren’t always so good at preparing it, so it gave the prey something they could exchange for safety. (This is also something that persists into modern times. Preds are still often stereotyped as not having very refined palates and not being very good at preparing food. This is referenced a little in Heart Pangs itself as well as the one-shot I posted last week!) Once the food trade became established, it opened up relations enough to exchange other things!

The prey shared would they could with the preds in exchange for their own survival. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. Sometimes it SEEMED to work but then the preds turned on them and things went downhill very quickly. But the prey had the advantage of sheer numbers and determination on their side (that and if they didn’t keep pushing they would literally be eaten alive). It took generations of negotiations, but the preds and prey eventually came to a sort of truce, though consuming never stopped entirely.

The preds weren’t stupid, they saw the prey had a lot of good stuff to offer them. At first they took what they needed and went their separate ways, but as they gained more trust from the prey, the preds encroached more and more into their territories until both sides were more or less neighbors. There were some advantages to this. If both sides cooperated enough, they were able to make further advances as civilized societies. But there were also disadvantages… like the fact that the preds were always bigger and the prey were always making sure not to anger them so it became very easy for the preds to take whatever they wanted and leave the prey with less than they deserved.

The prey even began to lose their own language as most of the preds couldn’t be bothered to learn the prey’s language (although a lot of prey terms for food and science stuck around). The preds stopped being the enemy who lived outside the prey’s walls and suddenly became the bully who lived next door. Yes, technically the prey were a little safer than before, but the advantages they once held over the preds were slipping away as the preds claimed more and more of what the prey had until the preds were able to start developing their OWN advantages.

For a long time, the preds and prey operated as two different societies that lived in one space, meaning each group had their own leaders and their own laws. But as things began getting more and more strained between each side (as they tend to do when two natural enemies live side-by-side), the prey (once more) tried to make peace. They made the bold move of reaching out to the pred leaders in an attempt to work together and function as a singular society (although both sides more or less continued to live as two societies, just under the rule of one government). The preds were surprisingly open to this change, which was a relief to the prey… at first. But then it became clear that this was mostly just a power grab for the preds to acquire more status and wealth and power amongst the prey.

Besides the fact that a lot of prey were falling into poverty because of this, the most glaring issue was that the “unification” had made it even easier for a lot of preds to break the peace and consume prey with barely any consequences. This caused a lot of prey to flee and seek out safer, more remote places to live. Eventually it got to the point where the prey leaders threatened to break away from pred society completely. The preds didn’t like this, though, as they’d gotten very used to having prey within easy reach. They also knew that losing half the people in their society would cause a lot of problems in terms of keeping everything running smoothly. However, the preds very much did not want to give up consuming entirely. It was in their nature after all, they argued.

So after A LOT of negotiations, both sides came to a compromise. The preds would actually start enforcing consuming as something illegal UNLESS the prey being consumed had agreed to it beforehand. Obviously the prey leaders couldn’t see any prey ever AGREEING to being consumed, so they settled on the compromise thinking that was the end of it. This was the true beginning of the “harmony” between preds and prey, but of course, the preds always have something up their sleeves.

Rich preds began offering up money and food and shelter to all those desperate prey in poverty. Those prey could get everything they could ever want for, the only payment was their lives ending in said pred’s gut (after a specified amount of time). These ventures started slow, but once they started to catch on, BOY DID THEY CATCH ON. The desperate prey began hearing about certain preds who were practically giving away wealth, all it took was a signature written in (figurative) blood. Meanwhile preds began hearing about other preds who had found a loophole in the consuming law and wanted in on the action. Like any good entrepreneur, the preds turned their contracts into a business and started selling them to other preds.

The prey leaders, of course, despised this, but what could they do? It all aligned with the compromise they had made. The only thing they could do was stand by and help come up with regulations for this new practice. So they did. Over the decades, the contracting businesses grew to what they are today (large corporate monsters… although the smaller, more private contracts still exist) as well as became the core to keeping the peace. Even the government itself offers contracting services now.

Society has shifted considerably in the years since harmony was reached. The two sides have mostly learned to live with each other. Prey have fought viciously to be treated as equals while a lot of preds go their whole lives without consuming (particularly fatally) even once. And, as you know, the development of neutralizers allowed preds to experience consuming without having to hurt anyone. A lot of progress has been made, but a lot of progress still needs to happen.

And I think that pretty much catches us up to the setting of Heart Pangs (whew)! I keep thinking it would be really cool to write a story that takes places in an earlier time period to further explore how different the relations between preds and prey would be, but I have yet to come up with a plot haha. Maybe someday. I’m sure an idea will come to me at a proper time. Anydays, thank you for your interest! It was really nice to be able to (finally) type all this up somewhere!!

#ahhh this is so much info!!! #but i hope some people are interested in it!! #if i accidentally raised more questions than answered them feel free to ask tho 😂 #asks #heart pangs #heart pangs worldbuilding

[robininthelabyrinth]

All this trans!Nie Mingjue really makes me want some trans!Jiang Cheng, and if you want too, maybe him ending out pregnant instead of his core being melted, because if I remember correctly Wen Zhuli was honorable, so if Jiāng Cheng did get raped by one of his subordinates, I feel he’d try too limit Jiang Cheng’s suffering.

“It’s not that I’m especially opposed to an alliance by marriage, but who were you planning on having marry in?” Nie Mingjue asked Jiang Fengmian and Madame Yu politely.

They blinked at him.

“I think,” Madame Yu said dryly, after a few minutes, “that we were planning on A-Cheng marrying in. Women usually do.”

“But your son isn’t a woman,” Nie Mingjue said, which he thought was quite reasonable.

“I don’t have a son,” Jiang Fengmian said. “Only two daughters.”

Nie Mingjue frowned. “You have an older daughter and a younger son. Hasn’t he told you?”

“Ah, you mean – by Qinghe standards,” Jiang Fengmian said. He sounded uncomfortable with the idea, which made Nie Mingjue’s eyes narrow and Jiang Fengmian immediately drop the notion of saying something more along those lines. After all, Nie Mingjue himself was a man ‘by Qinghe standards’, as the other sect leader put it, and starting trouble with Qinghe wasn’t on the agenda for today. “Sect Leader Nie, I appreciate your concern, but my daughter –”

“Son.”

“My daughter is a woman. We don’t practice Qinghe ways here.”

“It doesn’t really matter what you practice in the Lotus Pier,” Nie Mingjue said. He was wearing his best pleasant smile, which most people said looked like he was about to start chopping people into pieces. It was, at the moment, a fair description. “From my perspective, with my Qinghe ways, you have a son, who is a man. However you wish to treat him or raise him is up to you, of course, and I’m still willing to arrange a marriage between him and Huaisang, to be maintained or cancelled at their will when they’re older, including a marriage in which Jiang Cheng marries into the Unclean Realm. But what I will not tolerate is Huaisang getting confused by being told on one hand that he has a wife and the other a husband. He’s very fragile after our father’s death; I’m sure you understand.”

Jiang Fengmian, who’d been about to protest, shut his mouth, his desire for Nie Mingjue not to bring up, yet again, the fact of his father’s murder at the hands of Wen Ruohan – a murder that would need to be answered for, one day – outweighing his desire to argue back.

It was a petty move, but Nie Mingjue was aware that he had very few cards to play against the older and more influential man, and that meant he had to use them all no matter how petty to get what he wanted.

Mostly, in this case, for Jiang Cheng to be treated the way he so obviously identified. The damage that could be done by people who didn’t understand this sort of thing was incalculable – it was worth sticking his nose into another family’s business, no matter how rude, to try to make a difference if he could.

There were long few minutes of silence, in which Nie Mingjue stood his (tenuous) ground and Jiang Fengmian considered possible responses that would result in even more awkwardness.

Just at the point that it was getting intolerable, Madame Yu snorted, a surprisingly inelegant sound for such a refined woman.

“Let him be a son and a husband, then,” she said, her voice a little waspish. “If he changes his mind later, he can resume being a daughter, and there will be no loss.”

It wasn’t exactly how Nie Mingjue had intended on settling Nie Huaisang’s marriage, but it seemed a worthwhile conclusion, even if Jiang Fengmian was clearly not entirely on board.

“Very well,” he said. “Are we agreed?”

The marriage was unofficially dissolved when the boys were twelve, if by ‘dissolved’ one meant that the entire Jiang sect had entirely forgotten that their young master had ever been a young mistress, even Jiang Fengmian. A casual comment to Madame Yu that she ought to consider finding someone to marry in to their sect so that the heir could be officially confirmed, rather than wasting him on a cutsleeve marriage out, was more than enough for the entire concept to be permanently misplaced.  

(Not that he thought they would make a bad pair, but if that was the case they could always figure it out for themselves later on.)

As far as Nie Mingjue was concerned, that was the end of it.

And yet, years later, it was at Nie Mingjue’s tent in Heijan that Jiang Cheng came, a twisted expression on his face.

“I have a problem,” he said, and touched his stomach lightly in a place a little too far down to suggest a stomachache. “I don’t know what to do about it, and – when I was younger, Huaisang said – well. I thought you might have some insight.”

Nie Mingjue let Jiang Cheng into the tent and put up a silencing array behind him, the sort used to protect news delivered by the most important spies.

“I’m not sure what you want me to tell you,” he said honestly. “It’s not a problem I’ve encountered on a personal basis, if you understand my meaning. Do you want to keep it or not?”

Jiang Cheng settled down where Nie Mingjue led him, still grimacing. “I don’t know,” he said. “The idea of bearing a child for any one of them disgusts me beyond telling. But on the other hand, what did the child have to do with it? It seems unfair not to give it a chance to live.”

“It’s not a child yet,” Nie Mingjue pointed out. He could do math, and the fall of the Lotus Pier wasn’t that long ago. “There’s no way that it’s quickened this soon after. Right now, it’s a problem that can be eliminated with a bowl of medicine, if that’s what you want.”

“I know,” Jiang Cheng said. “I’m considering it. It’s only…on one hand, even if it’s not a child yet, it could be a child, if I let it. A Jiang child, with me as its father, and obviously my Jiang sect could use as many new members as possible, no matter what the other half of their biological origin. But on the other hand – wouldn’t it be irresponsible to carry a child now? I’m leading the Jiang sect’s efforts against the Wens, trying to avenge what they did to me, to my parents, to my sect, and a child would be a distraction from that…and Wei Wuxian, who might have helped me out, is still missing.”

Nie Mingjue didn’t comment on Wei Wuxian, even though he itched, as he often did, to remind Jiang Cheng that no matter how atrociously Jiang Fengmian had behaved – and no matter what the condition of his birth had been, legitimate and incorrectly categorized – he was the son and heir of the Jiang clan.

Not the child Jiang Fengmian had brought in and treated as if he’d been the son he’d never had.

(Really, Nie Mingjue didn’t understand places like Yunmeng. What was the point of not recognizing misaligned reincarnations like theirs? It wouldn’t make it any less true.)

“Depending on the way it affects you, you could be out in the fields for months still,” he said reasonably. “Certainly plenty of mothers in Qinghe don’t go into isolation until there’s only a few weeks left. And even if you aren’t, I can take charge on the battlefield while you consult on strategy from the backend, the same way you would if you’d been taken out of the field because of an injury – Lan Xichen is doing much the same thing, when he’s not acting as courier, and he’s doing it because he’s a terrible general rather than any logistical reason.”

“But it’s not an injury.”

Nie Mingjue frowned at him. “You’re making it very difficult to resist making some sort of pun about the Wen sect’s swords, Sect Leader Jiang, and I don’t even like that sort of crude humor.”

Jiang Cheng took a second to get it, then snorted. “I supposed you could say I got ‘stabbed’ a few times, yes.”

“Only a few times? They really are worthless dogs.”

And now Jiang Cheng was laughing, even though he was trying to stop himself. “That’s terrible, stop it…you know, I suppose, if you look at it from a certain perspective, I really am just suffering from – from post-stabbing complications.”

“Seems reasonable enough to me.” Nie Mingjue poured Jiang Cheng a cup of the tea that had already been cooling on his desk – a little rude, but better than wasting time making a new pot. “If you do decide to keep it, you can leave the child with Nie Huaisang once it’s born, if you like. He’s always liked children, and it’s not as if I’m going to let him get anywhere near a battlefield, now or ever.”

“Are you sure he’s not a woman?” Jiang Cheng asked. He sounded almost wistful, which suggested that the arranged marriage they’d set up so many years ago might even have a chance of resurrecting; Nie Mingjue would have to slip Nie Huaisang a hint. “With the fans and the birds and the pretty things –”

“He says he isn’t, and so he isn’t,” Nie Mingjue said with a sigh. “I admit it’d make it easier if he was. No one outside of Qinghe would question his below-average talent or his love of frivolities if he was a woman, however unfair that might be, and it’d make things easier for him.”

“You’d still yell at him to practice his saber.”

“Of course. What does saber have to do with gender?”

Jiang Cheng smiled and shook his head. “Thank you,” he said. “I still haven’t decided one way or another, but…it’s good to know there’s a way to do it, if I want, that doesn’t mean that – I’m not as brave as you. I don’t want people to know.”

“It’s not a matter of bravery,” Nie Mingjue said. “It’s common etiquette. Anyone who spends time thinking about another person’s genitals that isn’t planning on courting them is wasting their time.”

Jiang Cheng snickered. “No, I mean – people know about you, that you’re misaligned. You’ve never been shy about it.”

Nie Mingjue was pretty sure Jiang Cheng was thinking about the incident during a discussion conference some years back when he’d been shouting at Jin Guangshan over something or another – loud enough to be audible across half the city, it seemed, based on the number of people who talked about it afterwards – and ended the rant by telling the other sect leader to suck his non-existent dick.

“I’m not really a shy person,” he said dryly, and Jiang Cheng pressed his lips together in an evident attempt to avoid descending into giggles – he’s definitely thinking about the suck-my-dick comment. “Also, Qinghe is a bit more open about these things; it makes it easier, not having to explain exactly what it means or doesn’t mean. Don’t be too hard yourself.”

Jiang Cheng didn’t seem convinced, but nodded anyway.

“It’s not just that,” he said, though obviously it was, in some large part, that. Jiang Cheng’s complicated relationship with Wei Wuxian was proof of it, if nothing else. “It’s also – people can do math. I don’t want people thinking I’m weak, or a pushover.”

“No one who has seen you wield Zidian is likely to make that mistake,” Nie Mingjue said, but he could tell from the set of Jiang Cheng’s shoulders that that wasn’t enough. “It isn’t weakness, you know. Anyone can be captured, anyone can be tortured – some people will have to live without a leg or an arm, after what they suffered, and that’s the lucky ones that didn’t die. That’s all it ever is in war – just luck, good or bad. If I walked into a Wen ambush next week, I’d be as liable to complications from a Wen ‘stab’ as you, but it wouldn’t be because my strength wasn’t enough.”

“I guess,” Jiang Cheng said. “It’s just – if I kept the child, people would have to know, wouldn’t they?”

“Says who? If you retire from the battlefield due to complications from an injury for a few months, then the assumption will be that you found out that you got some poor girl pregnant and took on the child once you knew. If you do want people to know that you carried it, well, children come and go at their own speed.” Nie Mingjue shrugged. “Let some gossip overhear you talking about how you were already carrying the Lotus Pier’s next heir before any Wen set a foot on Yunmeng soil, and everyone will put together the rest. You know how it goes.”

“I suppose I do, at that.”

“Huaisang could probably put together a convincing story,” Nie Mingjue said. “He’s really very good at identifying every possible point in time and place where someone could be having sex, even if the actual personalities involved make it highly unlikely. And then he illustrates it, usually.”

Jiang Cheng was smiling, and his shoulders were straight again – his burdens lifted, however temporarily.

Good.

“Let me know what you decide,” Nie Mingjue said. “I know just enough about medicine to be able to mix you up what you need using just the medicine I already keep in my general collection, so no one would need to know, if that’s what you choose. And if you choose the other way, well, I have the medicines to help support that, too.”

“You keep that much medicine?”

“I’m not sure if you’ve heard about the tendency of the Qinghe Nie towards qi deviations –” Of course he had. Everyone had. “– but we have a habit of keeping an awful lot of medicine on hand.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Jiang Cheng said, and he was frowning a little, thoughtful, but not as stressed as he’d been earlier. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Nie Mingjue said. “Really, don’t. If I let it get out that I give advice, every misaligned sonofabitch that wants to get a promotion will start showing up at my door with problems that are really just an excuse to get a chat in with the sect leader, and then where will my troubles end?”

Jiang Cheng, who was dealing with similar problems, smirked. “That doesn’t seem like my problem. At least people know better than to ask anything of me.”

“That can change,” Nie Mingjue said threateningly. “I’ll get Huaisang on it; see what happens to your reputation then.”

Jiang Cheng held up his hands in surrender as he retreated.

Nie Mingjue wondered for a moment which way he’d pick, but then remembered that it wasn’t his business and also that there was a war on that needed his attention a bit more.

Personal problems could wait.

#mdzs #nie mingjue #jiang cheng #my fic #my fics #I'm thinking of continuing this one #could be fun #trans JC #trans NMJ #pregnancy #discussion of abortion #Anonymous

[deniigi]

MORE POLYCULE SHIT

here this is mostly Sam/Ned from Matt’s POV. (this piece assumes Matt didn’t know about the negotiations until later)

Title: soda bottles

Summary: Matt finds out about Sam’s involvement with Ned and then with Peter’s polycule. He tries to talk to Sam about it, but fails. On like, every front.

---------------

The apprentice told him to stay out of his room and his life and his business and he should have known better by now, truly.

Matt knew that voice. And he also knew that what Sam, Samuel, Sammy-my-darling was doing right now at this present moment was giggling.

Unacceptable. There would be no joy in this house.

Matt removed himself from the door and declared war in silence.

 ---

 The dogs were instrumental in luring Samuel out to open space. And by luring, Matt meant knocking on his bedroom door with leashes in hand and asking Sam if he wanted a walk.

In no time Matt had zero leashes and zero dogs and, while he was at it, zero apprentices.

In fact, he had been abandoned.

In his own house.

Again.

How did this keep happening?

 ---

 Foggy told Matt to let Sam have his little crush on Ned. Ned was a good boy. Foggy had maintained this for years. He skirted around the fact that he’d grabbed Ned’s shoulders when he was 17 and had told him to stare him in the eyes and to never fall in love with his best friend.

Matt pointed this out to him and got a pillow to the face, then a huff and an uncalled-for reminder that he was a fucking idiot and no one loved him.

This was Foggy’s love language though, so Matt didn’t take it to heart. Instead, he abandoned him for the only person in the world who truly understood him.

Jenn.

 ---

  Jenn had to spend fifteen minutes cooing over the fact that Matt had acquired an apprentice and then she had to spend another ten being an asshole about it and then she spent a solid 5 making dad jokes at him when he tried to talk and so he waited until she was done with her cackling and personal jabs.

She told him that it was cute that Peter’s bestie was gushing over Matt’s apprentice.

She told him that he should be happy for them.

And Matt was. Happy for them, that is.

He was thrilled.

Sam’s track record with long-term partners, as far as Matt could tell, was a solid nil for nil. The boy refused to be attached to anyone, which Matt totally got.

But it was like standing by, watching your own young moronic self making a series of unfortunate decisions that were not only whole unnecessary, but also had solutions within easy reach, like headstones in a damn cemetery.

Sam had a string of guys and girls that he’d picked up at clubs and bars and fuckin’ hipster literature readings downtown who were literally, actually falling over themselves to be with him. And he texted them and laughed about them and joked with Leilani and Achara about them, and then never spoke of them ever again.

Matt got it, okay?

He’d been that guy.

Maybe a little more on the jock side of things and maybe a little less, say, refined than Sammy—but he still got it. A slightly longer relationship was good for Sam. And Ned was a good egg—no, a great egg.

But he just couldn’t shake this feeling, Jenn.

He didn’t even know what it was, but it made him paranoid and want Sam to go back to the self-destructive nonsense, because at least Matt knew what that felt like. He could push back against that after dumping the kid out of the ring in training.

“Matty,” Jenn said affectionately, “You’re trying to protect Sam, Ned, and Peter. But you don’t have to do that. They’re all grown. Let them make their decisions.”

Ooooohohoho

How dare she.

Matt knew they were grown. Sam was nearly 25. Peter was almost 27—oh god, Peter was almost 27. FUCK. Jesus. Lord. Someone—Christ.

Sammy was a baby.

He couldn’t be playing with these big kids, he’d have his heart broken.

What if Ned got bored of him, Jenn??

Matt couldn’t beat the shit out of Ned. Ned was a good boy. And Peter would lose his damn gourd and that was how Matt would end up under two tons of concrete and rebar with an angry spider perched on top, stomping and spitting.

“Matt,” Jenn said soothingly. “Peter learned how to be polyamorous from you, dear heart.”

Oh shit.

Oh right.

Oh no.

“I’ve gotta go,” Matt said. “Lovely talking to you, next time you’re in town, come around for a foursome or a twosome or a three if Kirsten���s down—okay BYE.”

Jenn laughed at him when he hung up.

Matt clutched at his chest.

 ---

 He’d inadvertently taught Peter what polyamory looked like by flinging himself down on many disgusting surfaces and moaning and writhing in agony and despair about Foggy being monogamous and everyone in the world being unspeakably brilliant and strong and no-doubt gorgeous.

Fuckin’ Kirsten.

Fuckin’ Wade.

Fuckin’ Karen.

And Heather and Marci and ONE TIME ONLY Frank.

UGH.

Disgusting. Matt needed Lysol to scrub that moment of weakness from his brain.

The point was that he’d been a chump, and baby Peter had observed these various moaning sessions and had apparently, at some point, started taking notes.

Gah.

Peter. Why?

Stop loving your friends. Stop copying me. Get your own breakdown material.

Uuuuuuugh.

Okay, okay. Rally, Murdock. It’s fine.

This is simply a conversation to have with Sammy about how to negotiate such--hng. Actually maybe this was a Kirsten conversation.

 ---

 He went to visit Kirsten.

He got a little distracted because Kirsten was Kirsten and she required thorough smelling and like, minimum two kisses and she deserved to have at his bare chest if she wanted it—who was he to deny her—THE POINT.

The point. Was.

That he told Kirsten about things and she told him not to talk about work when she was taking her shirt off, and he told her to leave it on for just like, five minutes longer and that came out wrong and she was insulted and Matt had to backtrack for half an hour.

But he got there in the end, alright?

Kirsten said she didn’t know that Sam was polyamorous.

Matt said that he didn’t know if he was, but he sure as shit was flirting with Ned like, constantly.

Kirsten said that that explained why Sam kept telling her that he couldn’t come to dinner with them because he already had a date. Kirsten then went rigid and said, “Wait, you mean Ned-Ned?”

Yes.

Yes, Matt did.

“Oh.”

Correct reaction.

“Is that—do you think that’s –hm.”

Correct reaction maintained and appreciated. Matt no longer felt like a monumental ass.

“That might be a little, uh, cuttin’ it close there,” Kirsten said. “Does Peter know?”

Presumably. Ned couldn’t lie for shit.

“Maybe we should ask Peter what the negotiations there are. He’s pretty on top of that stuff.”

Shockingly, that was true.

Good plan.

“If Sammy’s gonna get involved with them, then he should at least know what he’s getting into,” Kirsten said.

Yes, but also—why is this feeling happening, Kirsten, beloved life partner number 2?

“Oh, that? That’s called ‘you’re a territorial dick,’” Kirsten said. “Get over yourself.”

“But he’s 24,” Matt said. “A child.”

“He’ll be twenty-five in a few months, Matthew,” Kirsten said. “That’s bad-decision-making prime-time. This is inevitable. My concern is that he’s not going into a relationship with Ned, thinking that he’s the primary partner there.”

Okay, fair.

“Are we done with this conversation now?”

Yes.

“Thank god. I hate your dad impulses. Cleanse yourself of them and get on the bed.”

Would do.

 ---

 Kirsten made Matt call Peter and be awkward for the both of them which, Matt would like it stated for the record, was extremely unfair and manipulative of her.

Peter told him that Sam was fine.

Peter told him that he and Sam had maybe fooled around a little bit without Matt and Foggy and Kirsten’s knowledge which was. Hm.

Troublemakers. Stop laughing, Franklin. This is nothing like the time we inducted Kirsten into our life and lied about it to everyone we knew for 3 years.

Nothing.

Peter thought not. Peter thought that Sam had told Matt about this whole thing. He then got a little huffy and said that Ned was the one who had swept Sam off his feet while Peter had been standing right there, man. As Spiderman. Primed for feet-sweeping.

That was satisfying.

Peter took the next ten minutes to complain about how Sam didn’t want to talk to him as much as he wanted to talk to Ned and how Ned was always begging off dinners with Peter and MJ to go have dinner with Sam and how Peter and MJ had to make do with Johnny in his absence.

Matt would never understand why Peter pretended that he and Johnny Storm were nothing more than fuck buddies, but okay, sure. If that’s what helps you sleep at night, little lion man.

Peter went on to say that the worst part of Sam and Ned’s mutual obsession was how fucking cute it was.

Disgusting, Peter maintained.

There were matching bracelets and drawn out decisions about matching sneakers. And there was nattering on until past midnight about Transformers lore and there was non-stop texting and complaints about various tools and coding languages and all this shit that Peter’s own flavor of nerd had diverged from about six years ago.

Kirsten made a little squeak that told Matt that she was highly entertained by Peter’s ‘complaints.’

It sounded more to Matt like Peter and MJ were hunkered down behind the couch, narrating all Ned’s behavior to Johnny (the totally uninvolved fuckbuddy) in whispers.  

Foggy curled up on the edge of their own couch to muffle his wheezy giggles.

Exhausting.

The youth were exhausting. How had no one just shot Matt straight through the heart at 27?

“I will speak to Sam about emotional repression,” he promised Peter only to receive a “NO WAIT” from both him and, from the sound of it, MJ and (only fuckbuddy) Johnny a little ways away.

Peter hurriedly explained that Sammy was really shy and skittish about being around their polycule and had just connected with Ned as the least threatening member and it had taken ages, so please don’t say anything and destroy all of the rest of their hard work.

This hit a strange note.

Foggy and Kirsten weren’t snickering anymore either.

Sam?

Wasn’t?

Shy?

Like, if anything, Sammy was shameless. Always lying in people’s laps and snatching their open hands to swing back and forth.

Sure, he was teasing. But shy? Shy?

Sam was sick.

“No,” Peter said. “Double D, he’s not sick.”

Very sick. Terminally ill.

“DD. He’s not sick.”

Bullshit. Matt was taking him to the doctor. Too bad, Sam. You couldn’t avoid it forever.

“Matt. He’s just. Emotionally. Repressed. You should recognize it because its your whole way of being.”

Wow, hadn’t this conversation been going on for a while now? Time to go.

“MATT. Leave him alone,” Peter said. “I’m looking after him, okay? Chill.”

Chill. Yes. Okay, fine. Matt would chill.

For now. Goodbye, Peter.

 ---

 Matt hadn’t chilled about anything in his life and he didn’t intend to start now. So instead he confronted the apprentice.

The apprentice leaned very hard against his door and told Matt that he would rather die than speak of such things, so Matt told him to bare his neck.

Sammy was convinced. But only just.

He made himself frighteningly small and grumpy on his bed and allowed Matt to sit only on the last four inches of it. Matt kind of wanted to take the opportunity to teach him how to hiss.

But alas. That was a skill for another time.

“I talked to Peter,” he said.

Sam mumbled.

“He says you’re shy. Are you feeling okay?”

Sam mumbled in a more prolonged, growly kind of way. He was muffled by something. Probably jeans. Or sweats. Hard to tell.

“Why are you being shy? We both know you’re not shy. Ned’s a nice boy,” Matt told him. “You can trust him.”

Sam jerked his body in some way strongly enough to make the bed shake.

Matt sighed.

“Sam,” he said.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Sam said.

“Listen, kid,” Matt said. “You’re gonna do what you want. You’re grown, those are your decisions to make. But if you’re ever uncomfortable or you want to spend time with one person in particular, you’ve gotta communicate that to the others. I know that’s not like, smoothly done or whatever. But it’s what you’ve gotta do in these kinds of relationships.”

Sam made an unhappy sound.

“I don’t want a relationship,” he said quietly.

Ehn.

Same, pal.

They’re a lot of work.

“They’re worth it,” Matt promised him. “And it’s okay to be a little in love, you know. I’m in love every day. It’s not shameful. You don’t have to hide it.”

Sam huffed.

“People’ll stare,” he finally said. “If we ever went out. People would stare.”

Ahhh.

“That’s what you think,” Matt said. “But then you go and do it and it turns out that no one actually cares. People are very self-centered, Sam. You spend all this time worrying about how others perceive you and, at the end of the day, 90% of people literally don’t care. You don’t have to talk to Ned in your room all the time.”

Sam did something with his body that concentrated it even further into a dense mass.

“I like him,” he admitted. “He’s nice.”

Matt hummed.

“He’s a peaceful person,” he said.

“He talks so I don’t have to,” Sam said.

Aw.

Matt felt across the bed and eventually found Sam’s cheek to pinch.

“So shy for such a loudmouth,” he teased.

Sam bit his hand. Matt snickered.

“It’s okay, when I met Fogs I was shy, too,” he said.

Sam grumbled.

“It’s true,” Matt said. “Could not fathom having another human around who I didn’t have to put on an act for.”

He waited.

Sam didn’t even seem to realize that his heart was slowing down.

“I don’t like talking all the time,” he said after a long few beats.

Matt ruffled his hair.

“Ned knows a lot about Star Wars,” he said.

“And computers,” Sam added.

“And code,” Matt said.

Sam’s foot shook a little. Matt schooled his face. Sam crunched into a tighter ball.

Adorable.

Matt got up.

“Long distance is rough,” he said. “Maybe you guys can watch a movie together.”

Sam made a disgruntled sound. Matt left him to be miserable.

 ---

 “You’ve sure turned your opinion around.”

Yes, Husband. Matt had indeed. But that was because Sam was clearly and obviously suffering as a result of this crush, which was precisely where Matt needed him to be.

Misery was familiar. Resentment was nearly as good as spite in terms of skill development.

Dopey-ness was asking for trouble.

“Matt, you cannot be serious.”

Oh, but he could.

“Matthew, what did you tell that boy?”

Nothing he didn’t need to know.

Foggy abandoned him at the table. Matt sipped his coffee. It tasted oh-so-sweet.

 ---

 Things did not change until Matt got a text from Peter that said simply ‘when the fuck is Sam’s birthday?’

In February. Why was he asking?

Peter said ‘damn. Okay, thanks.’

Peter then said that he’d seemed a little sad lately and Ned was freaking out about it and fixating, so they were collectively looking for an excuse to cheer Sam up a little.

Oh, Matt realized. No, that wasn’t sad.

The night nurse had given Sammy the good drugs after last week. He was high as a kite, bless him. Kept running into walls and shit. Matt had dragged him up out of the dog beds twice now.

He informed Peter of the damaged elbow and got nothing but keyboard smashes in return.

This was followed by Sam stumbling out of his room and half up the stairs to make pitiful sounds when he couldn’t make them stay still long enough to climb the rest of them. Foggy shook his head and told Matt to go “strap that kid to the bed, for god’s sake. He’s gonna tear more stitches. And go text for him before he drops his phone again.”

Sammy was coming along great.

He held his phone out to Matt when Matt came down to stand over him on the stairs.

“They’re yellin’,” he slurred.

Yeah, Matt figured.

“Bed,” he said.

“It’s too hot,” Sam said.

No, pathetic ball of humanity. That was the fever, bud.

“Open the window,” Matt said.

“I have a window?”

Bless.

“Up you go,” Matt said.

“DON’T TOUCH ME. Nooooo. Teach, noooooo.”

 ---

 MM: Peter stop texting him. he can’t read his texts rn. Zero tolerance for opioids.

PP: for WHAT

MM: he’s fine. lightly stabbed. Fractured elbow.

MJ: MATT

MM: yes?

MJ: tell him to get better for us

NL: ;__; please?

MM: he will be fine. He’s supposed to be sleeping this off.  

MJ: can you keep us updated?

MM: why

PP: he’s our partner?

MM: ?

MM: I thought he was Ned’s main

NL: AJDF:AKSDFJASDFa

NL: DOES HE TALK ABOUT ME??

MJ: dude

NL: my b my b sry sry

NL: does he talk about me DD?

MM: no

NL: cool cool cool that’s fine

PP: ned

NL: it’s casual that’s cool

MJ: oh my god

NL: it doesn’t mean anything. That makes sense.

MM: peter what is happening?

PP: ned has decided that no texting means that sam hates him and no longer wants to be part of our relationship

NL: TELL HIM IM SORRY

PP: remember how you told me I have rejection issues?

MM: Ned he’s fine. He’s not mad. He’s high.

NL: [pikawat.png]

MJ: *coughs*

NL: oh shit my bad. I mean.

NL: what do you mean?

MM: I mean he likes you. He just hates talking about weaknesses. Ergo he hates talking about you.

MJ: ah, yes. I see now. The superhero logic. The forest has reappeared before me.

NL: OWO

MM: what does this mean?

PP: it’s a face. Like a super interested cat

NL: shut up

NL: so he likes me back?

MJ: no

PP: no

MM: I presume so? I don’t know kid. I just said he doesn’t talk about it.

NL: DD I will pay you in computer repairs to find out for me

MM: to find out if Sam likes you??

NL: yes

MM: what part of his obsession is confusing you

MJ: ASHDAF:SDF

PP: harsh

NL: all of it.

NL: okay so here’s the thing. We got like, matchy matchy stuff, right? Cause that’s what couples do. But he never wears his?? And like, we’ve been playing these games online, like, trying to beat each other, but he just stops playing halfway through? And if we’re watching a movie, it’s fine for the first half, but then he gets quiet and I just end up nattering away about nothing for like an hour and I can’t read the silence DD. I can’t read it. And Peter’s a liar

PP: okay no it is WELL established that I can’t lie what are you even talking about

NL: and he keeps going on about how sam’s shy, but he’s NOT shy. And we were fine until this week, but like, obviously, he’s high and not reading his messages and stuff, but idk am I making this into a big deal? From your end?

MM: What was that face, Peter?

PP: OwO

MM: OwO

MJ: ASDFAeirwieawewdflajwe

MJ: NED LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO THE OLD MAN

NL: SHUT UP. DD, please. Help me. Should I apologize? Is he bored of me? Does he want more time with Peter?

PP: what

PP: no pal I’m just a piece of ass in this situ

MJ: as you should be

PP: awwww

MM: ned Sammy’s fine?

NL:  omg ‘sammy’ that’s really cute do you think he’d mind if I called him that? You know. If he ever speaks to me again?

PP: DD just tell him everything is fine so we can all go to sleep without being woken up every 20 min for a crisis.

MM: I literally don’t know. He doesn’t talk about any of you.

NL: can you sneaky-ninja ask him?

  Matt could not with these children. Sam’s heartbeat was evening out. He was nearly back to sleep. Matt’s back couldn’t take hauling him up off the stairs in another half an hour, so he was going to stay right where he was, that was for damn sure.

“Samuel, you are dating three different flavors of spazz,” he told him.

Sam wriggled over and snuffled into his duvet.

Matt decided that that was an affirmative.

  MM: he says you’re all dramatic and to leave him alone to sleep.

NL: ;__;

PP: ned that is not rejection

NL: ok

MJ: this is embarrassing

NL: I’m just gonna crawl under the floorboards and waste away👍

PP: for fuck’s sake this is me-levels of drama

NL: DD can you tell him that if he’s ever down to just watch shit as friends that’s okay too?

MJ: NED. Matt’s literally out of this loop. And Sam’s probably unconscious.

MM: can confirm is now unconscious. I am exiting your drama.

PP: Dude remember when I said I was gonna drown myself in the sea? You are reaching those levels

NL: I JUST LOVE HIM

  Oh, aw.

  NL: And it’s okay if he doesn’t feel the same way, that’s okay, I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t like uncomfortable. I can text him less and let him do his work things and we don’t have to organize shit on the weekends. It’s totally fine

  These fuckin’ kids.

Matt grabbed Sam before he cracked his head against the wall and felt around for something to put between his forehead and it.

He fumbled out his phone in the meantime.

“Samuel,” he said into it, “When you wake up, come upstairs before taking the next pill.”

 ---

 Sam was in pain and grumpy as shit and his mood did not improve as he read through Matt’s messages.

“Two days and everyone loses their goddamn minds,” he said.

Pretty much.

“Ned loves you,” Matt teased.

“Ned needs one of those happy pills,” Sam deadpanned.

Hm. How about no?

Sam groaned and carefully melded himself to the table.

“Why don’t you wear the matchy-matchy stuff?” Matt asked, setting a bag of icy water on Sam’s shoulders. He made a soft sound of relief.

“I don’t want to get ‘em dirty,” Sam hummed.

Hm.

“Maybe if you wore them out a little bit, Ned would like that,” Matt offered.

Sam mulled this over.

“Nah,” he said. “I’ll just tell him I wear it to sleep.”

Matt was so proud.

He missed Foggy coming in halfway through that discussion.

He did not miss the lecture Foggy laid on both of them about lying to loved ones.

 ---

 Matt decided that Sam was far, far more emotionally repressed than he’d given the kid credit for. He was tickled pink.

Kirsten and Foggy were not. They called this ‘concerning behavior’ that needed ‘to be monitored in case of hidden injuries and self-harm.’

And like, man, it was as if they’d hard experience with this shit or something.

Matt decided to bypass their waffling and cornered Sam by trapping him in his duvet and demanding to know if he was hiding any injuries or self-harm.

Sam told him to get out of his room. His heartbeat did not react to the accusations, but rather to Matt’s ‘giant, heavy, albatross body’ assaulting him in his safe place.

Matt decided that this was proof that the emotional repression was, as he had always argued, doing exactly what it needed to: making Sam three times more functional as a human being.

Foggy took from that explanation that Matt was lying to him again.

Which, like, obviously.

But did Foggy need to know any of that?

Fuck no.

Only happy times with Matt Murdock here.

Smiling was somehow the wrong answer.

Smiling resulted in yelling. And then lots of loud heartbeats. And then something that looked a little like a fight, probably, to people with working eyes. But Matt knew that it wasn’t that.

It was just Foggy being hurt that Matt couldn’t tell him that Foggy’s homesickness was digging holes in his own resolve and mental wellbeing.

Sam popped up when Foggy went to go lay down to calm down and asked if everything was okay.

Matt told him it was.

Sam’s heart was not convinced. It started beating faster somehow.

Matt fully anticipated the texts that arrived later that night.

 ---

 PP: yo DD, you guys okay?

MM: why

PP: ‘cause Sam’s freaking out saying that you and Foggy were shouting again?

MM: ah

MM: no we’re okay. No biggie

PP: I smell bullshit

MM: carry on smelling then

PP: Matt do you ever think about how you’re like, an example to us all of how not to live?

MM: beg your pardon?

PP: I just mean like, you do shit and we all learn from your shit. Like, every day.

MM: ?

PP: Sam like dumped a pile of lies he’d been telling Ned in his lap and started crying for like half an hour and apologized for another 40 minutes and then hung up and won’t answer his phone.

MM: what was that face again? The cat one?

PP: OwO

MM: OwO

PP: lol

 ---

 The apprentice was perhaps absorbing too much too fast. He flat out denied having had any emotional crisis.

His heart was dead even when he said it. He was getting too good at out-maneuvering that trick.

“Peter seems to think that you had one the other night,” Matt mused.

“Peter needs to mind his own business,” Sam sniffed.

Aha.

“You like Peter,” Matt pointed out.

“He’s fine,” Sam said.

“Fine or fine?”

“That’s nasty, Teach. Don’t be gross. That’s like your little brother.”

Oh, sure it was.

“If Peter is sussing out your lies, you’re not doing a good enough job,” Matt said. “What you need, kiddo, is an aura and a starting point.”

Sam paused in making a horrible grating noise with some tool in his hand.

“A starting point?” he asked.

Why yes, apprentice.

As in, if you start off with your walls up and don’t let them buckle so easily, so many of these problems can be avoided.

“Isn’t that, like, the opposite of what Foggy said to do?” Sam asked suspiciously.

Well, technically. The husband might be correct for normal humans, but they weren’t normal humans. And as much as Matt loved him and thought he was brilliant, Foggy would never truly grasp that Matt needed those lies.

He needed the repression. The bottling. The anger.

He needed all that shit to be shaken up in him and then capped by the helmet every night.

Doing that kept Matt safe. It kept others safe.

It wasn’t fun and it wasn’t pretty and yeah, Matt was pretty fucked up because of it.

But Stick hadn’t been wrong about everything.

Not even he could be wrong about everything.

“It’s called balance,” Matt said. “Think about it like this. You’re a teacher. You’re about to walk into a new class. You need to establish a respectful relationship between yourself and these kids. How do you do it? Do you start off nice? Or do you start off strict?”

Sam said nothing.

“I start off strict,” Matt said. “Because it’s infinitely easier to become nicer and to keep respect than it is to start off nice and get meaner.”  

Sam processed this.

“This sounds like an anti-Foggy sentiment,” he said.

No. It wasn’t anti-Foggy. Nothing was anti-Foggy.

“It’s nuance,” Matt said. “Intrapersonal relationships? Minimal repression. Interpersonal relationships, maximum repression. Don’t give them something to use against you”

Sam’s teeth clicked together as he worked his jaw.

“Talk to Ned and Peter,” he said. “Walls up to everyone else.”

Everyone else. Yes.

“I can do that.”

Yeah, Matt knew. Sam did it to pretty much anyone he didn’t immediately take a liking to at the firm.

“I can do that,” Sam repeated.

Woah. Wait. Hold on there, slugger. Nuance, remember?

“I’m just gonna hate the entire world,” Sam said. “Thanks, Teach. That’s a big help.”

 ---

 PP: Matt

MM: Peter

PP: you know that Sam fucks with you daily right?

MM: …I forget sometimes

PP: lol you guys are funny

  That little shit. Fine.

Do whatever. See if Matt cared.

Goddamn kids and their goddamn love affairs.

Whatever. Fuck ‘em.

Let them learn the bullshit on their own time. Matt had better things to do.

 ---------------

Matt and Foggy and Kirsten have their own polycule goin on with folks entering and leaving it as need be. And sometimes you just have to make Sam/Ned content because it is unerringly adorable.

#ficlet #samuel chung #matt murdock #ned leeds #inimitable verse #but this isn't canon to the verse I'm just fuckin around #fic #don't mind me #just having a ball #how does one make a category on Ao3 that is just like I accidentally made my own spiderman verse #and now I want to write stories using those characters but not in that main arc #I JUST WANT TO PLAY IN THAT SPACE YALL

[strangelock221b]

Gabe & Kitty - Kitty cleans up very nicely. Gabe is gobsmacked.

She Cleans Up Well (AO3)

“We must have you over for dinner sometime,” Leland Arnold said as he rose from the chair in front of Gabe’s desk. “Mary adores you and I could always use another man at the table to even things out. With four sisters-in-law, things tend to be lopsided.”

Gabe reached for his cane then stood, unable to keep from smiling at the idea of the refined earl surrounded by Bennet women. From the things Leland had said in the past, Gabe surmised that with the exception of Mary herself, the women of her family were more interested in gossip and the latest fashions than anything substantial.

Still, anything’s better than frozen food in front of the TV. “Alright, I’ll be your buffer for one dinner.”

Leland grinned delightedly. “Splendid. I’ll have Mary text you the details.”

***

Kitty listened dutifully as her mother droned on and on. Being the only unmarried Bennet girl, she was used to her mother lecturing her on the best ways to find and keep a man. At least if it’s on the phone, I can do other things while I listen, she thought as she scrolled through Pinterest on her laptop.

Finally, Mrs. Bennet said something interesting. “Mary said Leland’s friend will be at dinner on Sunday.”

“I didn’t realize Leland had friends besides Mary,” she said, half-joking. Her brother-in-law’s reclusive tendencies were legendary.

“Neither did I,” her mother said, completely serious. “But this one is apparently an architect and Mary says he’s charming and attractive, despite his unfortunate accident.”

“What unfortunate accident?”

“Mary says he was hit by a drunk driver several years ago. The doctors saved his leg but he’ll always have a limp and he walks with a cane. Such a shame.”

Kitty rolled her eyes at her mother’s dismissal. “I’m sure he’s just as attractive with the limp and cane as he was without them.”

“I suppose.” She audibly perked up. “He’s currently single and Mary promised me she’ll sit him across from you at the table.”

Kitty groaned inwardly. “Mum, I don’t need a boyfriend.”

“How can you expect to write romance accurately if you’re not experiencing it?”

She smirked. “I use my imagination, like any writer.”

“Still, you need a man in your life. I want grandbabies.”

Kitty raised an eyebrow. “You have eight, almost nine.”

“I want more.”

She sighed heavily. “Yes, Mum. If this friend of Leland’s is at all my type-”

“He’s single, what more do you need?”

“Plenty since I’m not Lydia. As I was saying, if he’s at all my type, I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing if something develops.”

“Good. Now, remember to wear something nice.”

She rolled her eyes. “Mum, it’s dinner with the family. I’m not dressing up just for a man I’ll only just meet.”

“No wonder you’re not married,” Mrs. Bennet muttered.

***

Gabe had to hold back a smile as he watched Leland, a man he considered a good friend, deal with his mother-in-law’s increasingly embarrassing questions about his and Mary’s private life. Mary, pregnant with their second child, thankfully ended the line of inquiry when she saw the discomfort on her husband’s face. She then redirected her mother’s attention, unfortunately, to Gabe.

“Mum, this is Gabe Bromley. Gabe, this is my mother, Alicia Bennet.”

Mrs. Bennet beamed as she held out her hand. “My, aren’t you handsome? You’re perfect for my daughter Kitty. She’s the only one of my girls who’s still single.”

Unseen by Mrs. Bennet, Mary rolled her eyes at her mother’s obviousness and Gabe wished he could do the same. Still, he felt the need to live up to his charming reputation. He took Mrs. Bennet’s hand and gallantly kissed it. “If Kitty is anything like you, Mrs. Bennet, then the men of London don’t know what they’re missing.”

The silly woman actually blushed. “Oh, you are a charmer! Yes, men are so oblivious these days. Kitty was a lot like me, but she changed when she went off to uni.”

“And got away from Lydia’s influence,” Mary muttered.

Ah, Lydia. The black sheep of the Bennet family. Leland’s told me more than once how Lydia got herself into one jam after another. Now she’s on her third husband. “Will she be joining us?”

“No, she’s still in York, but we expect her for Jane’s birthday next month.”

Counting his blessings, he was about to comment on the weather (always a safe topic) when a new person walked into the room carrying a bottle of wine. This must be Kitty. She wasn’t what he would call “sexy,” but “cute” definitely qualified. Her eyes were big and brown and were made even bigger when she saw him. She was dressed casually, just jeans and an oversized shirt, no make-up on her face, her short brown hair windblown.

Mary approached her, smiling. “You made it.”

Kitty shook her head a bit then smiled at her sister. “Yes, traffic was something I won’t say in mixed company.” Mrs. Bennet rolled her eyes at that and turned to talk to Jane. Meanwhile, Kitty handed Mary the wine then turned to Gabe and grinned, revealing a dimple in her left cheek which made her even more adorable in his eyes. “This must be Leland’s friend.”

Mary grinned. “Yes, this is Gabe Bromley. Gabe, this is my sister Kitty Bennet.”

“Nice to meet you,” Kitty said as she held out a hand to him, still grinning. “I’ve heard a lot about you, mostly from my mother.”

Gabe chuckled as he shook her hand. “I’m sure. Nice to meet you as well, Kitty. Leland and Mary have told me a few things about you.” He tried to remember anything they had said, he’d usually tuned them out by the time they talked about Jane then Lizzie. “How’s your book coming?” Like Leland, she was a writer, that he remembered.

“I just finished it this afternoon,” she said with obvious pride as she followed Mary to the kitchen and he followed her.

“Congratulations!” Mary said happily. “This is number five?”

“Yes,” Kitty said, smiling a bit. “Number six is already forming in my head.”

“You don’t take a break between books?” Gabe asked.

She smirked. “Since I like being paid, no, I don’t. But they’re short books, so it’s not as bad as it sounds.” She accepted a glass of wine from her sister and had just taken a sip when her mother called her name from the sitting room. Kitty rolled her eyes before smiling at Gabe. “Excuse me, filial duty calls.”

As soon as she was out of the kitchen, Mary offered Gabe a glass of wine and a knowing smile.

Gabe rolled his eyes then accepted the wine. “Don’t start. I’ll admit she’s cute but she’s not my type.”

“You don’t have a type,” Mary said genially as she checked on dinner. “I’ve known you what, two years? And in that time, I’ve seen you date every type of woman under the sun, so why not Kitty?”

He shrugged. “There’s no spark. I suppose I need someone with a little more polish.”

“Uh huh.”

Just as Leland had said, Gabe found himself seated across from Kitty during dinner. She good-naturedly accepted teasing from her sisters and brothers-in-law and didn’t hesitate to tease them right back. When Gabe found himself the target of such teasing from Leland and Mary, Kitty’s grin and dancing eyes had him wondering when he’d receive such affectionate teasing from her.

No, she’s not your type, he reminded himself. Yes, she’s cute, adorable, even, but there’s no attraction in “cute.” “Cute” is a friend, not a girlfriend.

***

Kitty stayed after everyone else went home and helped with the clean-up. Mary, proving herself to be her mother’s daughter after all, immediately went into matchmaker mode.

“What did you think of Gabe?” she asked innocently as she dried the pots and pans while Kitty washed.

Kitty rolled her eyes. “Mary, I love you, but you couldn’t be more obvious if you tried. But since you’re my sister and you’re pregnant, I’ll indulge you. Hottest man I’ve ever met, and that’s saying something, but I don’t think he’s interested in me.”

“Yet,” Mary said knowingly. “He just has to get to know you.”

“Right,” she muttered as she attacked another pot. “Meeting guys was so much easier when all I cared about was what was on the surface.”

“Easier, maybe, but not better. Gabe’s a better class of guy than-”

“Than the ones Lydia keeps finding?”

Mary smirked. “That’s not hard but yes. Just give him a chance, he’ll come around.”

Kitty thought about Gabe’s handsome face and infectious smile and couldn’t help smiling herself. “I hope so.”

***

Two weeks later, Gabe walked into one of the bars at The Savoy Hotel and stopped dead. There at the bar was the most gorgeous woman he’d ever seen, even if all he could see was her profile. A black cocktail dress hugged her slim figure perfectly, ending at her knees and revealing her shapely legs. Her short brown hair was styled in an artful disarray and while he admittedly didn’t know much about make-up, it was plain to see that hers was expertly done.

Wanting more than anything to see her full face, maybe even talk to her, he moved closer but stopped dead when she turned his way. Kitty Bennet’s eyes lit up in recognition when she saw him and he took her resulting smile as an invitation.

“Fancy meeting you here, Gabe,” she said, smiling a bit, when he was close enough.

“You too,” he said, unable to stop staring at her. It felt like his jaw had been hanging open since he had laid eyes on her. “You look … good. I mean nice. No, not nice, you look-”

“‘Well?’” she suggested, her eyes dancing and her dimple showing. “I know you’re not a writer, Gabe, but surely you have a bigger vocabulary than that.”

“Breathtaking,” he blurted out, much to his immediate embarrassment.

Kitty blinked in surprise then preened a bit. “What, this old thing?” Then she grinned happily. “But seriously, thank you. I had to put in the effort since I came for a dinner my publisher hosted for all their best-sellers. Now that it’s over, I wanted another cocktail before I hailed a cab.”

“Would you like some company to go with that cocktail?” Gabe asked then mentally kicked himself for sounding too eager.

“Only if the company is you,” she said, grinning, and winked at him.

Gabe just couldn’t believe his luck. The most attractive woman I’ve ever met is someone I already know. His conscience reminded him of what he thought of her at the dinner party but he shoved the memory aside. That was then, this is now.

Once their drinks were ready, he led the way to an empty table in the back while she carried their drinks. When they were both seated, Kitty took a sip of her cosmopolitan then smiled at him. “So, what brings you here?”

He took a sip of his whiskey. “A meeting with an out-of-town client but enough about work. I must be blind since I didn’t realize how utterly stunning you are at dinner the other night.”

She rolled her eyes playfully. “Like I said, the difference is in the effort. Dinner with my family simply doesn’t require the same amount of effort as something for work.” She smiled a bit. “What did you think of me before?”

“Cute,” Gabe admitted reluctantly. “Adorable when you smile.” She grinned at that and he continued. “I know your mother was trying to set us up with Mary’s help and while I resisted before,” he grinned, “I certainly don’t mind it now.”

Kitty smirked. “I hope your interest is based on more than how I look in a little black dress.”

Gabe chuckled. “You clean up very well, but really, I want to know more about Kitty the writer, Kitty the sister, Kitty the cool aunt.”

She smiled a bit. “What makes you think I’m the cool aunt? I could be the one who’s strict about sweets and bedtimes.”

He smiled back. “Just a hunch.”

“Uh huh. Well, how much time do you have?”

“For you? All night.”

#pride and prejudice 2005 #pride and prejudice #kitty bennet #omc #kitty bennet x omc #modern au

[burgeonmeraki]

My Current Skincare Routine

I believe in investing in your skin because it's going to represent you for a very long time. As much as I love wearing makeup, I’d still wanna look natural on the outside. But I also want to go out in public and not wear that much makeup. That’s why I'm a big believer that if you focus on your skincare, you really won't need a lot of makeup. Skincare is self-care.

Just a background story of my skin lol.

This is me back in High School.

Back when I was in high school (the puberty period), I literally have no problem with my skin. I never had any kind of breakout the whole high school life, and for that, I considered myself lucky. I don’t know if it’s in our genes or what, but I think my irregular period explained why I don't break out? I'm not sure hehe.

But when I stepped into college, that’s when I started having cystic acne, just once every month. I noticed my skin reacts in a different environment than I’m used to. Like when I was in college, I was studying in Manila. Manila is known for its air pollution because of traffic congestion. I have also found out that the water in Manila has chlorine, and I feel like my skin gets irritated, and that causes acne or breakout.

My brother who lives in South Korea sent a lot of skin care products. ca. 2017

I started using skincare products when I was in college, but mostly it's just facial wash, toner, and moisturizer. Then 3 years ago, I started putting serum on my face, a sheet mask or clay mask, and my skin feels so good after. My face feels so hydrated and the product that I used which is Innisfree works for me.

April 2018

RECENT BREAKOUT STORY (2020)

Ever since this pandemic and lockdown happened, I started breaking out. My skin became super oily, I thought maybe it was just the heat because it was summer then. I update my skincare, and nothing seems to work on me. And then I thought, maybe it was a hormonal imbalance, so I started taking pills for two months, still not working. The worst part of it, my pimples are cystic. Before, whenever I get a pimple it was just once every month. But now, when one pimple heals, there's another one comes, and they're mostly on my T-zones, which is the oiliest part of my face. I was so stressed about it, so I decided to see a Dermatologist at Cutis Essentials. Take note: this is my first time seeing and consulting a Dermatologist.

In order for the Doctor to treat me, she asked me a bunch of questions like, what kind of product do I use, she asked about my skin history and family history, and if I am taking some medicines or vitamins, and so on. And from that, I have learned that too much Vitamin E, B6, and B12 can cause acne. I have never taken any kind of vitamins in my whole adult life because I hate drinking medicines, but since there's a virus spreading all over the world, killing millions of people, I started taking it to boost my immune system. She gave me an oral medicine called Doxycycline and Epiduo Gel that dries up my acne. I stopped taking my pills and multivitamins and just stick to Vitamin C. I also stopped using this cleanser St. Ives Apricot Scrub and switch to a more mild facial cleanser. And hurrah, I finally see a good result. My face started clearing up little by little, and the oiliness lessens a bit. All I need to do is to get rid of my dark spots, which takes time.

The thing with doing your skincare routine, you have to stick with it consistently. And I gotta admit, there are days that I'm so lazy to do it and just skip some steps. Like sometimes I just removed my makeup, washed it, then put some toner to clean the excess dirt, then I'm done. That's my slacky routine. Don't do it hehe.

I did a one week sheet mask challenge and my skin feels so good after. I definitely recommend this product that I got from BeautyMnl. It’s called Superfood Coconut Salad Mask Package from the brand Farm Skin.  Last pic on the lower right, that’s The Ordinary AHA 30% + BHA 2% Peeling Solution. 

A video of my skincare routine. Sorry if it’s a bit confusing LOL. I’ll make a better video next time hehe. 

MY CURRENT SKINCARE ROUTINE & HOW TO LAYER PRODUCTS:

I want to be clear, I am not a dermatologist or esthetician, but this method has worked for me. If your skin is irritated, I recommend hitting the reset button and start from scratch. Try introducing new products one at a time and use it consistently for a few days to see if it's working for you. Also, try to learn more about what your skin needs. Like if you have dry skin, moisturizer and hydrate i every day. If you have an oily skin like me, try to lessen the products that’s very greasy, and don’t use it during the day. Just stick with light moisturizer. It is a little bit of a process and takes time, but once you have it figured out, your skincare routine will be on autopilot, and your skin will look better and better.

Here are the products that I am currently using:

FACIAL CLEANSER

Brand: COSRX

AC Collection Foaming Cleanser

Cosrx is a Korean product. This gentle foam cleanser fights acne. It manages excess oil, without stripping skin of essential moisture. With BHA to exfoliate, lauric acid to provide antibacterial support, and centella ingredients to soothe, this creamy cleanser clears skin while keeping irritation at bay. | I have been using this for 3 months now and the brand works on me. My skin feels so soft after using this.

TONER

Brand: COSRX

AHA/BHA Clarifying Treatment Toner

Formulated with AHA, BHA and purifying botanical ingredients, the AHA/BHA Clarifying Treatment Toner works to soothe, refresh and soften the skin. It is effective for hydrating evening skin tone and texture, and it’s a mild exfoliation. | This toner for me is very gentle and it doesn’t sting and harsh like the other toner that I used before.

MOISTURIZER

Brand: COSRX

AC Collection Light Weight Soothing Moisturizer

This cream moisturizer provides light, non-sticky hydration for acne-prone skin. Made with asiatic acid, niacinamide, and zinc salt, it calms and strengthens skin’s moisture barrier while controlling excess oil. | I love this moisturizer! It’s not greasy so it’s okay to use it during the day because it’s fast-absorbing.

SERUM

Brand: THE ORDINARY

Niacinamide 10% + Zinc 1%

The Ordinary comes from Canada. A high-strength vitamin- and mineral-packed formula to minimize the look of blemishes. Contains a high 10% concentration of niacinamide (vitamin B3); reduces the appearance of spots, marks, and congestion; supported by zinc salt of pyrrolidone carboxylic acid to balance visible aspects of sebum activity. | I’ve heard a lot of good reviews about this product so I tried it, and the brand works for me. It just really takes time to lighten up my dark spots but it works.

EXFOLIATION

Brand: THE ORDINARY

AHA 30% + BHA 2% Peeling Solution

A 10-minute liquid mask treatment that exfoliates to visibly improve skin texture and tone. This product goal is to enhance brightness, even out skin, and decongest pores; exfoliates the topmost epidermal surface; helps fight visible blemishes for improved radiance; reduces the look of fine lines with continued use. | Take note: this peeling solution stings for a few sec, but it’s tolerable. Read the instruction first before using this product. When I first used this, I noticed my skin feels like a glass skin, like it looks healthy. I was expecting my face to peel,  but it didn’t. I only use this 2-3x a week or whenever my skin needs it. 

PROTECTION

Brand: THE ORDINARY

Vitamin C Suspension 30% in Silicone

Helps reverse multiple signs of skin aging with vitamin C, an effective antioxidant; naturally brightens and refines tone and texture; feels smooth on the skin thanks to very light silicones despite the suspension format of the formulation. | I just recently purchased this and I think it’s a great add for my skincare routine to reduce all the blemishes on my face and fights skin aging because well, I’m not getting any younger anymore. This one is a bit greasy so I only use this in the evening, and it has an off smell but fades away for a few sec.

CLAY MASK

Brand: INNISFREE

Super Volcanic Pore Clay Mask 2X

Innisfree is a Korean product. Features 2x more powerful adherence to sebum for intensive pore care; provides triple exfoliation from encapsulated Jeju volcanic scoria, walnut shell powder, and AHA; enhanced deep cleansing formula removes away fine dust particles, pore-clogging dirt, and dead skin cells; provides powerful sebum-absorbing capacity as it washes away impurities while moisturizing and brightening skin; leaves a cooling sensation when applied that refreshes pores. | I have been using the 1.0 version of this for 3 years, which is the Super Volcanic Pore Clay Mask without 2x. I super love this clay mask because this brighten up my dark spots so fast. I only use this 2-3x a week or whenever my face needs it. I recommend this product.

SHEET MASK

Brand: INNISFREE

My Real Squeeze Mask

These face masks are dew-licious skin treats that target your skin's unique concerns and bump your entire routine up a notch. | So Innisfree has a lot of sheet mask that can be tailored to your skin's daily needs. All I can say that whenever I use this sheet mask, my face feels so hydrated, and fresh. It’s an instant boost for my skin. So every time my face looks so dry and dull, I use this product. 

LASH BOOST

Brand: SKIN GENIE

Hair Growth Booster

Skin Genie is a Philippine product. This nourishing clear serum is the answer to fuller brows and lashes. It helps minimize hair loss, prevent breakage, and prime the strands for healthier regrowth. | This product smells so good and I noticed that my lashes became more stronger, longer, and a bit thicker. It will just take times but it works its magic. I put this if I’m about to sleep because the serum goes inside my eyes and kinda sting a little bit.

LIP CARE

Brand: VASELINE

Lip Therapy

A lip-healing jelly with a mouthwatering chocolate fragrance for silky, supple lips. Clinically proven to moisturize chapped lips; instantly softens and soothes dryness and flaking; locks in moisture to help lips recover from discomfort; leaves a healthy, glossy shine; non-sticky formula glides on smoothly. | My lips get dry very easily, and it always turned chapped. Before I go to sleep, I always make sure to put some of this and viola, the next morning my lips feel so soft and hydrated. I used cocoa butter at night, then I use rosy lips during the day whenever I put my makeup on, and they smell so good.

MOISTURIZER

Brand: NATURE REPUBLIC

Aloe Vera 92% Soothing Gel

A hydrating and cooling gel containing 92% pure aloe vera. Gently moisturizes all skin types, including sensitive skin; soothes and refreshes dry, dehydrated, inflamed, and sunburnt areas; firms skin and naturally protects with vitamins C, E, and other minerals; fast-absorbing gel won’t leave a greasy feel; can be used on hair, face, and body as a moisturizer, mask, and/or sleeping pack | I super love this product. I have been using this for more than 2 years now and it does wonder on my skin. I use it on my hair and body too.

ANTI-ACNE GEL

Brand: GALDERMA

Epiduo Gel (Adapalene and Benzoyl Peroxide) 0.1%/2.5%

Epiduo is a prescription medicine used to treat the symptoms of Acne Vulgaris. Epiduo may be used alone or with other medications. Epiduo belongs to a class of drugs called Acne Agents, Topical Combos. | This gel is pricey, and this was prescribed to me by my Dermatologist. I still use this whenever I have acne, and it dries up my acne fast. 

ACNE PATCH

Brand: COSRX

Acne Pimple Master Patch

This is the original set of hydrocolloid stickers that comes with three different sizes to spot-correct pimples. It heals intensively overnight, protecting problem areas from infection and brings out deep-rooted blemishes without leaving behind scars. Slap a patch on your breakouts for instant relief away from bacteria. This will stop the insane urge to pick at your skin and pop your pimples. It’s made with A.D.F. hydrocolloid dressing, a unique material that helps extract gunk from stubborn zits and speeds up their life cycle. | I absolutely love this patch. I use this in the evening whenever I have a very bad acne. TIP: I use the Epiduo Gel first, applied it on my acne, and then let it dry first before putting the patch. I promise, the next day your acne heals so fast! But sometimes, if it's cystic, it will take a few try like 2-3 patch every night.

ACNE PATCH

Brand: LUXE ORGANIX

Hydrocolloid Acne Spot Patch Night Time

When patched to acne; it increasingly absorbs the pus and oil to reduce inflammation and fasten the healing process. This brand is from Korea. | This product works well on me too, plus it contains more patches than Cosrx. Cosrx isn't available in most stores here in Bataan, so I have to order it online. I just go to Watson and buy this, which is very convenient for me. 

CLEANSER

Soft Silicone Facial Cleansing Brush

Gently scrub your face with this along with the Foaming Cleanser, it is easy to use. It is great for getting rid of dirt and clogged up skin. I noticed that after I wash my face with full on makeup, it get rids all the excess makeup and dirt that you have on your face because whenever I apply my toner, you can’t barely see any dirt. You better get one of this. I got mine from Watson, and it is very affordable. 

FACIAL MASSAGE

Brand: BE KIND

Jade Facial Roller + Guasha Set

This beauty tool duo will renew fatigued skin in just a few cooling strokes. Made from 100% authentic jade, each tool is uniquely designed for restorative facial massages. Not only do these tools boost product absorption, they also offer different types of massages. The roller stimulates lymphatic drainage that reduces puffiness, while the gua sha relieves tense facial muscles. When used together, they liven up dull skin for a fresh, well-rested look. | Sadly, I broke my jade roller, but I am getting one soon. Make sure that before you use this tool, put it first on the freezer for a few minutes, and it feels so good, I swear! I used the jade roller whenever I put on my sheet mask. While I used guasha whenever I put on my moisturizer because it glides really well when your skin is moisturize.

OIL CONTROL

Brand: THE FACE SHOP

Oil Blotting Films

Contains 50 silky-soft blotting sheets; made with excellent oil-absorbing 3M film; works to absorb excess sebum; leaves skin looking fresh and grease-free. | I read that if you have oily skin and you're wearing makeup, don't put on another layer of powder just to get rid of the oiliness on your face. Instead, use this oil-blotting film to remove all the oil before retouching your makeup. It's a helpful way not to clog your pores and for your makeup not to look cakey. 

More skincare products that works on me but I don’t use it anymore:

MOISTURIZER

Brand: DRUNK ELEPHANT

Protini™ Polypeptide Cream

Protini’s proprietary formula restores younger, revived-looking skin, almostfrom the first application. Lines, wrinkles, and signs of sun damage appearreduced, and skin feels strengthened and moisturized. | I only have the sample bottle of this because this brand is a little expensive but I heard a lot of good reviews on this. It’s a bit thick for my taste, so I make sure to wear this at night and not under my makeup, that’s only if you have oily skin. 

SHEET MASK

Brand: FARMSKIN

Superfood Coconut Salad Mask Package

A set of 7 sheet masks that leaves your skin brighter, hydrated, and more youthful. Nourish, moisturize, and illuminate skin with this set of sheet masks formulated with a combination of superfoods and colostrum ingredient. | First time using this product, and so far, it doesn't have any negative reaction on my skin since they used organic ingredients on their products. Farmskin has different kinds of sheet mask packages, and it is tailored depends on your skin's daily needs. This package is for brightening and hydrating my face since I need to get rid of my blemishes and dark spots.

FACIAL OIL

Brand: HERES B2UTY

Tea Tree Oil Serum

A multi-benefit serum that clarifies your complexion. Treats acne and soothes redness and swelling with tea tree oil; enriched with green tea, which contain antioxidant and anti-inflammatory catechins to hydrate and regulate excess oil production; fades spots, eliminates acne scars, and protects against free radicals with chamomile, a powerhouse antioxidant; improves moisture levels as it minimizes the look of fine lines and wrinkles with rose hip oil; alleviates irritation as it tightens skin with antiseptic and anti-inflammatory witch hazel; draws moisture to skin with hyaluronic acid to revitalize skin’s outer layers; plumps, restores, and renews to instantly improve the appearance of fine lines. | When I started using this, I thought it was to prevent me from having acne. This oil doesn't work on my acne though, but it lessens the oiliness on my face. I just don't use it very often because I'm so lazy or sometimes I forgot. LOL

TONER

Brand: ESKINOL

Spotless White Classic Cleanser

Eskinol provides products which are specifically formulated for the Filipina skin. Its range of products is known to effectively solve oily skin problems and pimples. Removes deep-seated dirt, excess oil, and makeup with micro-cleanse anti-bacterial formula. Pure Calamansi extracts known to whiten skin. It has vitamin C derivatives to help lighten dark spots in as early as 1 week for an even skin tone. | This product is classic and very effective that's why until now it's still here, unlike other brands being discontinued in the market. I have been using this since college, but later on this particular calamansi formula is more effective on me, while the other formula doesn't work on me. 

BUYING THESE PRODUCT SOON:

PROTECTION

Brand: COSRX

Aloe Soothing Sun Cream SPF50 PA+++

An aloe-infused moisturizing sunscreen for dehydrated skin. Protects skin from ultraviolet rays and other environmental damages with SPF50 PA+++ | I’m reading a lot of good reviews about this product, so I am adding this to my cart now hehe. 

EYE CREAM

Brand: NEUTROGENA

Rapid Wrinkle Repair Eye Cream

Help improve the signs of skin aging with Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair Eye Cream. Specially formulated for the delicate eye area, the fast-acting retinol cream helps fade the look of stubborn crow's feet, brightens and evens skin tone in the under-eye area, helps smooth fine lines and texture, and reduces the look of dark circles. This clinically proven retinol formula works quickly with visible results in just one week. | It says that this is the best eye cream for 2020 so let’s see if it’s going to work on my eyes hehe.

Whew! That was a lot of information. I hope you find this helpful and give your skin the love it deserves. If you have any questions or suggestion please don’t be afraid to say it to me. Til next time!

Love Lots,  Jamie  ♡

#beauty #skincare

[ericsonclan]

Making Some Music

Summary: Aasim and Ruby have a special moment alone with tea and some playful flirting.

Read on A03: 

“Are you ready, my dove?” Aasim asked, closing the music room doors and turning to look at his girlfriend.

“Just about,” Ruby looked up from the tea set she’d placed upon the folding table they’d brought into the room. It wasn’t much of a set, just two cracked mugs and a teapot with half of the spout snapped off, but still it made Aasim feel fancy. He’d also been able to squeeze into a facsimile of a suit jacket made for a production of My Fair Lady performed at Ericson over a decade ago. Ruby had been able to find a maid’s uniform that mostly fit her. The dress went well past her knees and only half closed in the back, but neither of them were focusing on such details.

Sitting down together upon the couch, the two smiled at each other fondly as Ruby poured the echinacea tea for the both of them. Aasim had found the purple flowers a few months ago and brought them back for Ruby. She’d been very excited at the discovery, dedicating a corner of one of the planters to the blossoms. The vernacular for them was purple coneflowers and Ruby they were incredibly helpful for medicine. She and Aasim had soon found that they made a strong tea as well, one the couple usually combined with fresh mint when they had their secret tea parties.

Although there were a few such as Prisha or Omar who might enjoy having tea as well, so far the couple had kept these tea times private, fearing that if the secret was shared even once everyone would soon find out and they would never be able to enjoy such intimate privacy again. When they had tea together, the world outside faded away for just a few minutes and life felt blissfully normal.

“This batch has a particularly strong kick,” Ruby commented. She took a sip from the teacup she held lightly between her hands, the delicate handle long gone.

“Indeed,” Aasim murmured, raising his own cup to his lips. There was a large chip missing from its left side. Rather than avoiding it, Aasim had gotten used to drinking from that region of the cup before the tea spilled upon the floor. They chatted for a time about this and that: how chores had gone today, future projects such as the orchard they were hoping to form with the seeds Louis and Omar had brought back from a recent caravan. As they spoke, Aasim noticed a sort of pink netting poking out from Ruby’s skirt which had tangled and gotten caught up around one knee. “What exactly is that?”

“Oh, this?” Ruby nodded toward the pink material. “I was in the basement a few days ago looking around for some twinkle lights I thought I’d spotted down there when I came across another old costume box. I figure the stuff in it was from a production of The Nutcracker considering how many mouse costumes were in it. But I found this as well and figured it might do a good job poofing up my dress. Do you like it?”

Now that he looked closer, Aasim could see that Ruby’s maid outfit looked fuller than usual. “Quite impressive. If possible, it makes you look even more radiant than you did before,”

“Aww, stop that,” Ruby chuckled, giving her boyfriend a playful push. “You always say the darndest sweet things, especially during teatime,”

“I only speak the truth,” Aasim replied, looking at her with love. In a world so cruel and dark with no sort of future for them outside these walls, why not lavish all his affection upon the girl who had proven to surpass each and every one of his dreams? Ruby pulled him out of the tedium of daily life and into a world of hope where real progress could be made and visions achieved. This beautiful, brave, hard-working girl deserved every compliment Aasim could ever come up with to give her. Being with her, it really felt as though they had been able to turn Ericson into more than a survival outpost. It was home.

Ruby’s eyes glimmered, something more mischievous taking root in them. “Aasim,”she murmured, playing with the hem of her dress. “Are you feeling… frisky?”

The question set Aasim’s heart racing, his throat going dry despite just finishing his cup of tea. He nodded, setting his cup aside for a moment and awkwardly clearing his throat. “Of course,”

“Then let’s get started,” Ruby bounced to her feet, beginning to pour another up of tea. Aasim settled back on the couch, grabbing up the nearest book that lay on one of the arms of the furniture. This was a game they’d played together many times since discovering these costumes. Aasim wasn’t sure exactly what it was about seeing Ruby in a maid outfit that got him so worked up. Perhaps it was from reading Pride and Prejudice and the rest of the stack of Jane Austen books left behind in Miss Martin’s room time and time again. He’d taken to reading them aloud to Ruby at night and sometimes during teatime as well until they’d made their way through the entire set together. Ruby seemed to enjoy them just as much as Aasim did, something about the elegance and refinement of a bygone era entranced them.

After pouring the tea, Ruby began to dust the furniture with a scrap of an old shirt she kept tucked in the pocket of her maid uniform, humming to herself as she worked. As she wiped off different things and picked up trash off the floor, Aasim pretended to be absorbed in his reading. In truth he’d read the same sentence about five times now, his eyes constantly wandering over to his girlfriend, watching as she bent over or took particular care shining some knickknack atop the mantle. After a few minutes she turned to him with a smile. “Room’s all finished, sir,”

Aasim looked up from his book slowly, his eyes coldly examining the room. “I think not. Look at this place. It’s still filthy,”

A false pout took over Ruby’s lips as she looked at him, hands on her hips. “Well sir, perhaps if you didn’t treat it like such a pigsty it would look better,”

“What was that?” Aasim set aside his book, rising from the couch. “I’ll have you know that I keep my house up to the highest of standards as befitting a gentleman such as myself. I thought that you felt the same when it came to cleanliness, but perhaps that’s not the case,”

Ruby gasped in mock indignation. “I’ll have you know I’m one of the best-known maids in this entire county! Now if you ain’t happy with how the room was done, I’ll just start right on over again and prove you wrong!” She returned to her work with an added fervor, bustling about and rearranging this and that as she went.

Aasim couldn’t help but smile to himself. Even when she was trying to pretend to be someone entirely different, Ruby couldn’t help her Southern accent slipping through all the stronger when she got into character. He loved that about her. Slowly he began to follow her round the room, picking up each and every object that she cleaned and judging it silently. Ruby’s eyes met his, a playful smile crossing her face as Aasim began to draw closer and closer to her. Eventually they’d made a full rotation of the room, standing before the piano as Ruby began to dust off the keys. Aasim reached out, his hand brushing a stray curl away from her cheek.

Ruby pulled back with a dramatic gasp. “Why sir! What kind of an action was that? Are you making a move on me while I’m busy dustin’ and cleanin’ your parlor?”

“Don’t act coy with me. I’ve seen the looks you’ve given me as we’ve played our little game of cat and mouse right round this very room,” Aasim’s hand slipped round Ruby’s waist, pulling her closer as the other played with the zipper on the back of her outfit. “You, my dear, are a naughty, naughty maid,”

Suddenly a voice came from out in the hallway. “I’ll be there, later, Clem! There're a few things I want to do first!” Louis. He wasn’t supposed to be back from hunting yet. What on earth had led him to return so early? The footsteps were almost upon them, Louis talking to himself as he fiddled with the music room doors. “Ah, finally! Just me and the good old pia-” His words froze in his mouth as his eyes came upon the sight before him: Aasim and Ruby in full costume, wrapped in each other’s’ arms, Ruby pressed against the piano as Aasim’s hand was in the middle of unzipping her dress. “-No…” Louis murmured to himself, his sentence awkwardly finishing as he closed the door he had just opened.

There was a moment of tense silence, Ruby and Aasim sharing a look of fear as they wondered what Louis would do next.

Then the dreadlocked boy’s voice rang through the hallway once more. “Clem! You won’t believe what I just saw!”

“Shit,” Aasim swore, wildly wriggling out of his jacket before running toward the door. He couldn’t let Louis blab about this to everyone else at the school. “Louis, stop! It’s not what you think!” He sprinted out into the hallway in an attempt to cut his friend off at the pass. Ruby could hear their continued arguing as she awkwardly tried to zip her dress back up.

“It’s not what I think?” Louis retorted, the glee clear in his voice. “Oh ho ho, dear Aasim, looks like you’ve corrupted our sweet Ruby in your time with her,”

“No, it’s not like that at all! We were- having tea!”

“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” Suddenly Louis’ tone shifted, turning to one of dread. “Wait. Oh god. My piano. You guys haven’t…?”

"What? No! We were just standing by it, I swear!”

“What’s all this about the piano?” Clementine’s voice came through the hall.

“Nothing!”

“Clem, I just saw the wildest thing when I opened the music room doors!”

“Louis, I swear to God…”

Ruby sighed. So much for their special teatimes. There was no keeping them a secret now. Still, perhaps it was for the best. Instead of hiding away from the rest of the school like they were hiding some big secret, perhaps now they could simply be honest and upfront when they needed some alone time. Considering how often Louis and Clementine and Violet and Prisha snuck off to be alone, Ruby was sure they’d extend her and Aasim the same courtesy and discretion they’d shown them. For now though, it was best to go out there and settle this fight. Taking one last sip of tea, Ruby squared her shoulders and stepped out into the hallway to set the record straight.

#rusim #clouis #fanfic #twdg #twdg aasim #twdg ruby #twdg louis

[moody-cowdaddy]

Friends in Low Places [Part 1]

Arthur Morgan x Reader | Imagine #1

Summary: You bite off more than you can chew when you wind up in the muddy little town known as Valentine for the night.

Category: Action, Drama, Fluff, First meeting.

××××

"Full house, fellas!" You exclaimed, slamming down a fist full of worn poker cards on the saloon table.

You had landed yourself in the small town of Valentine in New Hanover a month ago. You didn't tend to hang around one spot too long, you always found trouble, or at least, trouble found you.

You had been on your own for the majority of your life. You had to grow up fast. Both parents had died when you were very young, so you spent most of your life in an orphanage. But, being the troublemaker that you were, you were always getting into mischief whether it was fighting, or running off. After more than a few squabbles, the headmasters at the orphanage couldn't take much more, and you were sent off to a strict refinement school.

While you learned to be a little more lady-like, the rebellious streak in you stayed put. Once you were old enough, you headed out on your own. You had seen a lot of the world already at such a young age, and you were planning on seeing more of it. You always found yourself going from town to town and meeting a lot of people along the way. You were very much a woman of the world.

The men around the table all groaned in disappointment when they looked down to see that you had won yet another round at the poker table. The saloon was lively and kicking that night. It was filled to the brim with people from town and others like you who were just passing through and needed a place to hold up for the night. The drinks flowed freely, the conversations and people inside grew more rowdy by the minute. It wasn't a surprise how you witnessed more than a few fights here and there from some drunkards that night.

"Damn. I fold, woman," one of the older gentleman at the table groaned.

He had a greying beard that almost reached down to his shoulders. His tarnished rancher clothing letting you his livelyhood wasn't with easy work.

"C'mon Willard, don't ya wanna stay for another round? I'm not done takin' your day's pay yet," you smiled cheekily.

He downed the rest of the whiskey in his glass, "I ain't stickin' 'round for that'un. I gotta ranch to keep."

"I'm afraid I'll have to say the same," Jack, the other gentleman at the table spoke up.

He was a much different breed from the rest of the patrons. He had a very posh evening suit on, and his accent sounded as if he was from a more upscale city like Blackwater or Saint Denis. He was definitely a stranger in these parts where hardworking people and outlaws seemed to be the only real inhabitants.

Jack was the small glimmer of a near future; a future where outlaws and simple way of living was to be done away with. It was a way of life no one wanted anymore. A whole new world was coming, both literally and figuratively.

You scoffed and finished off your own drink, "Well, it's been fun, boys. Maybe I'll see y'all around again."

"Maybe, if I have a cent left to my name," Willard said gruffly as he left the table and disappeared into the crowd.

"I may stick around for another drink or two. Take in the sights," Jack spoke, flashing you a coquettish smile.

A smile small formed on you lips as you gave him a nod, obliging him. You didn't fancy him much. He was rather big-headed and his conversation skills were dull. You were more-so entertaining him out of the need for cash. It wasn't a secret that you didn't have a job, or a husband to take care of you. You never were much of a woman to settle down with a man for just the sake of stability, anyway.

You made most of your money by beating the pants off of arrogant drunks at poker in saloons like this, or anything else that could be made into a gamble, but your main source of funds came from robbing. Though, you did your best not to rob anyone who was actually innocent, that never sat right with you. But Jack.. He seemed like the type of prick that would steal candy from a kid and then ask why it's crying.

So, as the night went on, the saloon got louder and the whiskey got better. You had taken a few shots, but you seemed to hold your liquor better than half the men around here. Jack was beginning to slurr, while his pomade slicked hair was now disheveled and clinging to his face as he held onto the bar. He was good and loaded; bad for him, but good for you. It don't seem like it'd take much of a fuss to get whatever valuables he had on him, and you had already spotted a beautiful, gold pocketwatch that was hanging in his waistcoat.

You turned to him, buttoning up your old leather trailcoat. Your wardrobe always seemed to change depending on your situation. Some days you'd be as ladylike as any other gal, as you were clothed in a dress with a tightly clinched waist thanks to the corsets you wore, and other days you were what would have been your refinement headmistress' worst nightmare when you dressed like the outlaw that you truly were at heart.

"I'm feeling a bit peckish. Mind walkin' a lady back to her room?" You mustered up a charming smile, gesturing your hand towards the door.

You had taken up residence at the hotel across the street for time being. Jack seemed to have no quarrel about this by any means. He took the last sip of whiskey from his glass and turned to you, jutting out his arm for you to take it.

"It'd be my pleasure, miss (Y/N)," he spoke.

You gave him a nod as you intertwined your arm with his. The two of you set off for the hotel, the walk would give you the time you needed to come up with a satisfactory plan, one that wouldn't land you in Valentine county jail. You quickly decided that leading him into your room would be best, and once you do, you'd knock him out with the butt of your gun, empty his pockets and get the hell outta town. You had pretty much overstayed your welcome here anyway, and you were growing wearing of this sloppy, muddy town.

After stomping through the muggy streets, you made it back over to the porch of the hotel, and you received your fair share of dirty glances from a few old crones who saw you as you walked through the entrance, leading a man upstairs. You already knew what it was that they were thinking, the town had more than it's fair share of ladies of the night, but you were not one of them. Of course robbing people could probably be considered more immoral than prostitution, but it was your method of choice. It also had an element of fun to it, you had to admit.

"Would you like to come in for one more drink?" You turned to Jack while standing outside your door.

A coy smirk tugged at his lips, "Yes ma'am, I would."

You hummed, turning around to open your door. You needed to work fast, get the job done and hit the road as quick as possible, so you led him inside of your room, closing the door tightly begind you. You took in a small breath as you turned around to Jack who was standing behind you. He was a tad wobbly on foot, and that was good. You gave a polite smile as you stepped over to a small mahogany table near the tall chester drawer that sat in the middle of the room. You lifted the small, crystal pitcher that was filled halfway with the familiar whiskey and poured a generous amount into the glass before handing it over to Jack.

"Good 'nuff?" You asked with a smile.

"That'll do it," he chuckled, eyeing the full glass, reaching out for it.

You perched yourself against the chester drawer as you watched him down the liquor, just waiting. He gulped it down halfway before coughing, he took a breath before setting it down onto the table.

"You've peaked my curiosity," he said, shifting his dark eyes to you.

"Have I now?" You blinked at him.

He nodded, "What is a woman like yourself doing all alone here anyway? Surely you've had suitors," he shrugged, eyeing you.

You studied him for a moment, his face seemed to have gone mostly blank and emotionless by this point.

"Once upon a time, I suppose," you cleared your throat. "I never really fancied marriage as much as some women."

He blinked at you before taking a step closer, reaching down into his pocket. Your intution began to nag you in the back of your mind, and you brought your arms up to cross them over your chest, ensuring that you could get to your revolver quickly, if needed. Jack brought his hand back out of his waist coat, a money clip gripped between his fingers.

"What are you doin'?" You asked, looking at him with a peculiar expression.

"How much?" He smiled, pulling a few bucks out of the clip.

Your lips parted, "I beg your pardon?"

He shook his head before looking back at you, a concerning smile forming over his lips, "How much to spend some time with a fine woman such as yourself? C'mon darling, I know playing poker can't be the only game you're running here."

You furrowed your eyebrows at his accusation, knowing exactly what it was that he was inferring, "I'm not a whore."

"What's your price?" He gave you a cocky look.

"No price," you growled. "I do think you should go now."

"But I don't want to," he took another step towards you.

Your heart began to beat beneath the surface of your chest like a drum, all of your better instincts crying out for you to shoot him now, but you couldn't. If you shot him right here, right now, you'd for sure lose every freedom, and if the law didn't get you, the bounty hunters sure as shit would. There had to be another way outta this.

"Please, leave me be," you said firmly.

He shook his head, "I won't ask you to do anything you haven't don't before," he said, reaching out to brush a finger through your hair.

You reflexes were faster than your willpower, your hand darted into your trail coat, fully prepare to grasp the butt of the revolver you had holstered inside of it, but he must have already calculated that possibility, snd before your fingers could get halfways gripped around it, he had caught your wrist, bending it backwards before pressing you roughly against the chester drawer.

"Bastard!" You hollered, kneeing him roughly in the groin.

That slowed him down enough so that you could push past him, and reach the door. You flung it open, your only mission was to make it out, make it outside of this place and ride far, far away from this hell. You sprinted out of the room, but your journey game to a short stop once you ran smack dab into something solid.

For a moment, you thought it was a wall, or maybe the law, until you looked up to see the tall silhouette of a man in the dark hallway of the hotel. The only light available were the few flickering oil lamps that were mounted outside each door. The man that stood in front of you was sturdy and tough looking, in a cowboy hat that was pushed down over his eyes, his beard being one of the only real visible facial features.

"'Scuse me, madame," he said in a gruff, but oddly polite tone of voice.

"Sorry," you breathed your heart still racing as you turned your head back towards the door.

Jack pulled himself out of the entrance, "(Y/N), come back inside." His eyes darted between you and the strange man in front of you.

"No," you shook your head.

The tough looking cowboy looked between the both of you, "Sounsds like you folks had a scuffle going on. Heard it from down the way." He gestured towards the end of the hall.

Jack chuckled nervously, "A bit too much to drink I'm afraid, sir. Thank you."

The man gave Jack a smirk, "Uh-huh. Or maybe you're tryin' to rough up the lady." He shifted his eyes towards you.

You looked back at him, silently pleading for him to help.

"That's quite a serious accusation," Jack narrowed his eyes.

"No harm meant, partner. Why don't you just leave the girl be, and we can all go on about our business," the man nodded at Jack.

"I'm afraid this isn't your business," Jack shook his head, ignoring the man's warning as he stepped forward, reaching out to grab your wrist again.

You fought back this time, pushing him away with your hands, "Get off me."

The man had obviously had enough of the situation and grabbed Jack by the shoulders, slamming him against the wall, "Do I gotta tell you again, boah? I won't be sayin' it a third goddamn time."

They had a scuffle as Jack tried to throw a punch back at the man, but he seemed to be absolutely no match for whomever this man was, he slung Jack around like a rag doll. A few blows being exchanged between them before the man gave the final punch that knocked the man out cold on the ground.

"Jesus," you breathed.

Before either of you could catch a breathe, you heard voices and soon the footsteps of people coming up the stairs. The two of you looked at each other in panic.

"Quick, get him into my room," you urged, reaching down to grab Jack's legs.

The man leaned down in front of the body and grabbed ahold of it and the two of you of you drug him into your room, shutting the door tightly. You held yourself against it with your ear pressed against it, listening out for anything suspicious. What you heard sounded like a man and a woman passing by the door, nothing seemed to serious and neither of them stopped at your door. Once the hall went silent again, you breathed a sigh of relief as you turned and pressed your back against the door, looking back up at the man.

"Thank you, mister. You saved me a lot of trouble," you said, giving him a nod.

He nodded back, "Don't mention it, just doin' the right thing."

You smiled and dropped to your knees beside Jack's body, rifling through his pockets to find the gold pocketwatch and the money clip. He had a whole $50 on him. You glanced up at the man who looked at you a little surprised, but did seem to be at all bothered to see you robbing this man. It wasn't that much surprising to you either, he too had the outlaw look about him, you figure he had probably some his fair share of robniyng, too. You pulled $25 out of the clip, handing it over to the man.

"For your troubles," you smiled.

He held his hand up, "No ma'am, he had it comin'."

You gestured again, "I insist that you take it, we both need to get the hell outta here before he wakes up."

The man gave you an amused look before dropping his head a little, a smirk curling one side of his lip.

He reached out, taking the money and pocketing it quickly, "C'mon, I know the back way out."

He motioned you to follow him, and he led the two of you to the back of the building where the fire escape sat. He let you climb down first as he followed behind. The night air was already starting to turn cool, and most of the town had gone to sleep for the night, nothing to be heard except for the commotion still going on over at the saloon. Once you made it down, you kept close to the building as you peeked around the corner, luckily the streets were mostly empty.

"You gotta horse?" The man asked.

"No," you shook your head, "The stable usually keeps a few in the corral at night, I'll see about rustling one up."

"Nah, too risky. Too many damn buildings 'round there. You'll get caught before you clear the fence," he said sternly.

You stammered, shrugging, "Maybe so, but I can't make it anywhere without a horse, mister."

He nodded and stood there for a minute in silence, staring at you as if he was thinking about something. He looked around before turning back to you, letting out a breath that quickly turned into vapor in the cool, night air.

"Ride with me then," he said.

Your lip curled slightly, you were obviously a bit apprehensive about this after what had just happened. He obviously noticed this when he held his hands up and took a step back.

"Look, I've gotta camp up the road, me and some other folks. You don't gotta say yeah, but you can have somewhere warm to stay the night. If you try to take off with one of them horses, you're gonna get yourself in a mess of trouble," he said, pulling his hands back down to his sides.

You could hear the sincerity in his voice, and unlike with Jack, there was no nagging voice in the back of your mind telling you not to go. Instead, there was just a sense of safety, and something was telling you that you could trust this man for whatever reason.

You thought about it for a moment and finally nodded your head slowly, "Okay.. Let's go."

He gave you a nod before he whistled, calling to his horse that was nearby. I'm only took a moment for a dapple grey filly to come trotting up to the both of you out of the darkness, snorting and nudging at the man with Her head.

He grabbed a hold of her reins and patted her on the neck, "Hey there, girl," he said gently.

He pressed his foot into the stirrup before pulling himself up into the saddle on her back. You followed suit as he held out his hand, you grabbed onto it tightly as he hoisted you up to sit behind him. You sighed as you leaned forward into him, wrapping your arms around his waist as he spurred the animal quickly to get her moving. She soon picked up the pace and you were galloping out of town, the wind at your back as the countryside began passing you by.

You pulled your head up from the man's back, leaning up a little more, "You never told me your name!" You said in a louder tone, making sure he could hear you over the sound of the horse's hooves thundering against the earth beanth you.

He leaned his head back slightly, "Arthur.. Arthur Morgan. What's yours?"

"(Y/N) (Y/L/N)," you called back to him.

"Nice to meet'cha, miss (Y/L/N)," he said, snapping the reins of the horse.

"And you as well, Mister Morgan," you said with a small smile before leaning your head back down to him, preparing yourself for the ride back to camp.

#arthur morgan x reader #arthur morgan #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #rdr2 x reader #red dead r3demption 2 x reader #rdr2 fanfic #rdr2 fandom #arthur morgan fanfic #arthur morgan fanfiction #arthur morgan imagine #rdr2 imagine #red dead redemption 2 imagine

[penaltybox14]

@dying-redshirt-noises Asked for “Sharing a Drink Together” with Bob Bellingham & Craig Brice. 

Dry, dry, the cracked yellow earth in the hills cries out for water, sends desperate roots down empty hillsides, down to the cracked yellow basin of the city where the sirens howl and dogs sleep on chains on patios.

When did it rain last?  He's forgotten.  He's forgotten and he should have marked the days.  The squad pops and hisses when they park it like a mad thing, like a hungry thing, like a tired thing sighing back into its place.  House dog, patio dog.  

He lost a button somewhere.  He's sewing it back on.  

"Craig," his partner says, from the gauzy sleep of the overnight, through the veil between the dream and the waking dark.  "Craig, it's two in the morning."

"Two-fifteen."

"Craig, just wear another shirt."

Just a few more passes.  The bunkroom is heavy with the bodies of men, like their dreams are leaking out, sliding up to the ceiling, sweating down on them.  Cap's set up a fan.  It's mostly noise, noise and scattered snores, noise and the press of seven men breathing in and breathing out.

He bites the thread in two.  Bob would be proud, maybe.  Bob would nod agreeably.  Teach the bastard who's boss, he might say.  Scissors are so refined.  He has some in his kit but it's dark anyhow.  Safety, he would say.  He would bite the thread in the dark. Maybe he has some animal in him after all, that's funny.

DeSoto was wrong: he did feel.  For Gage.  About the accident - how could he not?  There's hardly a handful of them, paramedics.  Hearing it over the radio and through the grapevine - Gage was in an accident, a dumbass drunk, hit him with a car, did you hear, he's in surgery, did you hear?  Heard it like static on the radio, heard it like overnight chatter til it just when in one ear and out the other and what else was left?  Anger.  Just that dull, useless anger that smacks you in the teeth and runs away laughing til you squeeze your fists and squeeze and squeeze but nothing's there.  DeSoto was wrong, he does feel, he just doesn't have time for it, not all the time anyway.  Who's got the time?  

DeSoto had done everything right: treated Gage, transported him, handed him off to the doctors and nurses.  What else was there to do?

(squeeze your fists and squeeze and squeeze, until nothing's left and nothing was there at all, but it drives you mad anyhow.)

But Gage got well and Craig got reassigned and he thinks it was probably a big joke to them, send him to the one medic who's never eaten something he didn't get on his shirt, doesn't shine his shoes, doesn't check the squad but once.  Nicknames Dr. Early "Pops" and bows to Nurse Dixie when she hands out their supplies, a parody of chivalry.

(it all drives you mad anyhow)

Just a big damn joke but the joke's on them, isn't it, or maybe it's on him, the joke's inside him when he's halfway out the squad before Bob's parked it and thinking: whatever I don't grab, Bob's got it.

The joke's on him thinking: Bob.  The shape in the bed in the dark like a low hillside.  He takes his glasses off and looks at Bob and tries to see what he's missing, so he puts his glasses back on and nothing's there again, except the pounding his chest like the brush in the mountains clawing at the earth and crying out for water.

The shirt in his hands is stiff at the collar and soft in the body, smoke and sweat even through his undershirt.  He'll wash it when he gets home, he'll starch it and hang it up to dry.  Bob, he thinks, would toss his stuff in the forty-pounder at the laundromat and throw in the 5 cent box of bubbles and let it go, but his shirt is just as blue, and soft in the body where the silver badge hands.  Their patches just alike.  

A month ago he'd have thought: how, on earth, did Bob Bellingham make it through the program?

An hour ago he'd have thought: how, on earth, did I do without?

(but they had just come to the hospital, then.  just left the patient in the hands of the good doctors.  and he was vulnerable, then, as he always was, but there wasn't time.)

He peers at the radium glow of his wristwatch.  Two-twenty-five.  He slides out of bed so not to stir the semblance of slumber in the room, into his turnouts, and goes to the kitchen.  

Cool water, harsh water from the tap.  Once, when he was a boy, he hiked in the Berkshires with his scout troop and knelt beside a rock wall and drank with his hands from a spring and the water there was cold and sweet and mossy and he thought if it as being as old and as wild as the earth, as intransigent as the mud on his knees.

Bob has knelt beside him in a raucous scene, and their eyes hit like a glance of sparks and Bob said, to the man in the grass, buddy we're gonna take care of you, and Craig had his hands in the IV kit already, Craig's mind leaping ahead to the drugs, to what Bob would be asking for.  

Cool water, mossy water, the water coming from the stone and soaking the earth again.

"Kid," says Bob's awakening voice.  "Kid, what're you doing?"

Craig feels a shyness he thinks is only possible at almost-three in the morning, in the kitchen with a man he thinks of by first name, a man he thinks of as partner.  

"Getting a drink," he says, shortly, simply.  Bob's eyes are piercing in the dark.  "You want one, Bob?"

The fists open and what wasn't there comes grateful to the softened fingers.

"Yeah, kid.  Sure."

#paramedics #emergency! #it's a pairing if you want it to be #i have no concept of time right now #bob/craig #brice/bellingham

[dailydoseofcolor]

Taking Stock of Units in Fire Emblem Heroes, Part 2

Next! Let’s take a look at the merged heroes I have and feel some sort of affinity for:

My 5*+10s:

Nowi (+Atk): She still puts in WORK. My first 5*+10 and she is an evergreen feature on any Grand Conquest teams, first runs of Lunatic maps, etc. She deserves a kit upgrade sometime soon, but somehow LB/Aether/SB/QR/Threaten Res/Distant Def still get the job done almost every time. Sothe (+Spd): Sothe is one of the first characters I ever really fell in love with from Radiant Dawn. He was an easy +10 decision. Again, I need to upgrade his kit soon, I have Broadleaf Dagger+ fodder....I just feel like I have to choose between him and Matthew, and I adore Matthew’s personality and I feel like I just need to bite the bullet and just raise both. Ross (+Spd): I literally yelped when he was released. Favorite character from the first game I actually beat (played FE7 first but beat it after beating SS). Every major decision in summoning since his release was clouded by “but I should still summon on Green for Ross merges.” But he’s done! This little dude runs so many builds and is also a main staple on teams. The Almosts (Most of these I actually have the resources to +10 but have been holding off because of a need to keep resources on hand to remain competitive):

Lyon, +7: My sweet boy. Major staple on most teams for a while before he just...couldn’t keep up. He needs a refine BADLY. Sophia literally takes him behind the woodshed and beats him within an inch of his life. We all know he likes it. He was the first person I sacked a Counter skill to. I love him and I want the best for him...but not until I know what his refine is.

Mordecai, +7 (+Atk): Another soft boy. Honestly, I merged him up because I had them available and got drunk while playing PoR. He functions very well at this merge level. I’ll get him up one day, but he really can’t be a focus right now, given he serves a very similar combat function to Nowi.

Shigure, +6 (+Atk): This is one of those scenarios where the voice actor really drew me to the character. Matt Mercer kills Shigure’s voice lines and also I got pitybroken by him a LOT. He’s got a pretty balanced stat-line, but performs better as a player phase duelist....except I want to eventually use Valter instead. That’s 99% the only reason I’ve held off, the other is having Harmonic Lance+ fodder just in case. I have the merges for Shigure, but I have a feeling this is as far as he goes.

Micaiah, +5 (+Atk): Best girl from RD (we all know this). Honestly, I haven’t ever sniped for merges on her, these are all organic, which is impressive. But she deserves the +10 and I think I would rank her pretty high in terms of trying to achieve that. Too bad I just missed several good opportunities to do so. This is why I should have done this a while ago.

Nino, +5 (+Spd): I have uncovered a not-so-secret trend. I have a major bias towards characters from Blazing Blade, Sacred Stones, Path of Radiance, Radiant Dawn and, to an extent, Awakening. These were the games I played growing up, so it makes sense that they stayed. ANYWAY. Nino, adorable and punches through everything. I find I don’t really have a ton of space for her on teams, though...she was easy to merge and offers no fodder. I have all the materials, but she’ll honestly have to wait, like Mordecai.

Now, I think I should list out every character with at least +1 merge, to sort through who should be a priority. So this will go in descending order:

Mia, +3 (+Res): One of the only speedy sword girls I actually give a shit about (unsurprisingly). I would love a +10 eventually. Masked Marth, +3: A product of a bygone age. I never spent any real fodder on her, so I’ll chalk this one up to *meh*. OG Eliwood, +3 (+Atk): I have all the resources to +10 him. He’s my favorite Lord. He’s incredible in combat. He has amazing Resplendent Art. Why the fuck have I not finished him. I’ve failed my boy. Forgive me Eliwood. He’s clearly a high level priority. What have I been doing. Astram, +2: He’s a strong unit and has a great niche but I just....don’t care about him. I built him for this week’s Arena needs. His cost is just way too high as a Grail unit. He’ll stay at +2 for now.    Joshua, +2: He was almost my first grail merge project and I...held off. Idk, his cost is so high. but I love his personality and he’s near the top of the grail pile that deserves a refine. I might wait until then?? Idk, I’m torn. I think he could put in good work if I took the time to kit him properly. I need to put more thought into him. Eldigan, +2 (+Def): Multiple pitybreakers that have been merged. Garbage. Next. Donnel, +2 (+Atk): Donnel’s another character I’ve always really liked, but held off, because my Blue Enemy Phase Infantry slot remains filled. His new refine gives him an interesting niche, but is he worth the resources? I have the merges and feathers, but I’m hesitant to pull the trigger. Hawkeye, +2 (+Def): Another random decision I made months and months ago for...no particular reason? He’s got a great refine, but there’s nothing he can do that Ross or Brave Ike can’t. Brave Ike, +2 (+Atk): Speaking of...amazing typing, amazing refine, I sacked my only Nailah to him in order to finally make it to T21 in AR. I have one more waiting in the wings, because I worry that I might need Steady Breath for someone in the future. But I think the ship has sailed on SB’s hey-day. An extra merge for survivability is likely better. Rath, +2 (+Spd): I love Rath so much. His personality, his art, all great. He got SHAFTED stat line wise but....we shall prevail. I have a +Atk waiting in the wings, but I think I’ll keep the +Spd. Speed is king and will remain king until something drastic changes in the meta. He could be +7 with the copies I have, so I’ll likely up his merges soon. Lissa, +2 (+Res): I love Lissa. She’s so cute and she was the first true defensive healer, and I LOVE healers...but she’s incredibly outclassed at this point. Resplendent Lissa when??? I don’t see this going forward without some kind of refine/Resplendent. Adult Tiki, +2 (+Atk): Tiki has the misfortune of just not appearing as fast as Nowi did in terms of merges. I don’t love all dragon teams, and Nowi has the better color. Plus her refine isn’t amazing. She’ll remain here for now. Y!Marth, +1 (+Atk): I am on the fence about whether I feel regret for not pulling more for Y!Marth. His weapon is so strong, he’s got great stats, and not great fodder. But I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I decided +1 was better than trying for the +10 and getting mad when I spent money on orbs. But he puts in work. I love him as a unit. OG Alm, +1 (+HP): Funnily enough, as an almost day-one player, I didn’t pull an OG Alm until halfway through his availability as a Limited-Time Divine Code option. He was a free pull on some random banner and obviously got a merge afterwards. I like his character, but I don’t know if I will ever make an effort to +10. Saber, +1 (+Atk): One of my absolute favorite units. One of the characters I had Summoner Supported for a period of time. His refine is very interesting and allows for some really interesting builds. I might need to make more of an effort for him in the future. Ayra, +1 (+HP): I’ll be honest, I don’t love Ayra. I don’t like the speed arms race she kicked off, and I’m bummed I didn’t just use her as Swift Sparrow fodder. Whatever. Black Knight, +1: Big surprise here: I love the Black Knight. I think he still holds up as a viable option for Red Armors. His cost remains high as a Grail unit, but I think it might be worth it, given how many armor skills exist now. Elincia, +1 (+Atk): The trend continues: character from PoR and RD that I love. She’s got amazing player phase capabilities, and eventually she’d be a great +10. Lukas, +1 (+Atk): The OG physical tank. Great personality and solid niche, but I have others who do the same thing. Nephenee, +1 (+Spd): The Halberdier class in PoR still ranks as one of my all time favorite character ranks. Nephenee languished as -Spd for a long time before I snagged another merge. I love her character and need to prioritize her builds. I’d love for her to demote one day (lol), but she’ll go on the list of 5* exclusive merge desires. OG Azura, +1 (Neutral): I feel like OG Azura is still outclassed, even with her Resplendent stats. Although she has a strong niche as a triple Chill support unit. I need to actually build her and deploy her before I sink any real assets into her. Legendary Ephraim, +1 (+Res): I pulled Legendary Ephraim long before I ever pulled OG Ephraim. He finds use mostly as a Grand Conquests lead. Which makes me realize that I don’t have a ton of lance cavaliers....or really any that I would really love to build. I’ll look into this. Altena, +1 (+Def): I adore Altena. She’s one of those characters that FEH really introduced me to and I fell in love with her personality, and she’s got a great kit. I’d love for her to be 3*/4*, but I find myself thinking I should pull for Blue on random banners, just in case I pull extras. She’s a high priority merge project. Halloween Dorcas, +1: Another case of a strange decision made without any real thought. Especially since Hack-o’-Lantern+ is a solid axe to have in a unit’s back pocket. I’m suddenly mad at myself for doing this. Minerva, +1 (+Atk): You know, Minerva was the third 5* I ever pulled in this game, and I never really found a use for her somehow. I suppose I avoided flying units for a long time, just because they were always physical, and usually less useful than infantry or cavalry units (what a time). She’s merged because of a pity breaker. Young Minerva, +1: Ironic, I know. Y!Minerva is near the top of my list for Grail projects. She’ll likely get a +10 eventually, it’s hard to top the skills she has available. And I’m weirdly a sucker for tiny children who destroy enemies. I love this unit. Legendary Alm, +1 (+Def): My first pull of L!Alm was -Spd, which was a major fucking bummer. I ultimately decided I needed to fix that when I pulled one a while back, it was a good decision. I am never going to have the resources to pump more into him, though. So his base kit will do for now. Matthew, +1 (+Atk): Let’s talk briefly about how fucking bad Matthew’s attack stat is. At lvl 41 with a 14 mt dagger equipped and attack boon he has 43 attack. Literal garbage. His refine makes him useable and I want to +10 him so badly because I love his character, but again, it clashes directly with the Sothe I already built, who only loses out on the defense that Matthew’s packing. It’s hard to justify, ngl. Kagero, +1 (+Atk): I am only human. Every once in a while, I am susceptible to the pull of a waifu or two. Cool refine, solid niche, but hard to justify when I have characters that do the work better. Julia, +1 (+Def): Another character I didn’t have for literal years, and got in back to back banners long after she had a hey-day. Crystalelemental on Tumblr loves Julia and, honestly, that love kinda rubbed off. She doesn’t even have skills equipped, but I’ve been on the lookout for a way to deploy her. She’ll get a good kit eventually. Legendary Female Fallen Robin, +1 (+Spd): Describing some of these characters becomes a mouthful. Solid niche, and she got a merge because she kept pitybreaking me on the road to Bramimond. The rest were sacked for Res Smoke fodder. She’s useful from time to time, but not a favorite. Lethe, +1 (+Def): I always liked Mordecai more than Lethe, but she hits a lot of criteria for me. Her typing holds her back a little bit, though. I also don’t run all beast teams very often, and that’s where she really shines. It also doesn’t help that her first appearance was as -Atk. Sometimes heroes with bad IVs that you love kinda lose their luster, which is sad. Kaden, +1 (Neutral): Both times a pitybreaker. Great niche as a unit, sees plenty of use when I’m running Bonus Doubler shenanigans. Doesn’t see a ton of use outside of that.

Phew. That was a lot to write. If you read through that....I am deeply impressed. I think next is taking stock of what I actually want in terms of unit niches, and which ones would fill those roles that I could target. 

#ddc talks FEH #ddc talks #fire emblem heroes #part 2 #fire emblem

[boat-full-of-lotus-pods]

MDZS Chapter 94. “Sleeplessness” Part 5

Stealing dates, stealing chickens

Lan WangJi pleasantly accepted Wei WuXian’s very exaggerated praises. Opening up Wei WuXian’s qiankun sleeve, he poured over the stolen red dates, saying, “For you. All for you.”

Wei WuXian cooperated, saying, “Thanks.”

At this, Lan WangJi suddenly let go. With a swipe of his sleeve, a batch of dates scattered about, rolling all over the ground. Wei WuXian hurriedly bent down to pick them up, but there were too many for him to pick up all by himself. Lan WangJi said, “I’m not giving them to you anymore.”

With that, he took the hen from under Wei WuXian’s arm as well. With one hen in each arm, Lan WangJi turned to leave. Wei WuXian grabbed the tail of his forehead ribbon and pulled him back. “Hey, stop! Don’t go! Weren’t you alright just a minute ago? Why are you so upset?”

Lan WangJi shot him a glance, “Stop pulling.”

By the sound of it, Lan WangJi was quite displeased. His voice even carried a hint of warning. Unable to help it, Wei WuXian let go. Lowering his head, Lan WangJi shifted both frightened hens onto his left hand so that his right hand was free, and then used it to adjust his own forehead ribbon and hair.

Wei WuXian thought to himself, ‘He never minded when I played with his forehead ribbon in the past. Why is he so upset now?’

Feeling the dire need to mend this, Wei WuXian pointed at the hen and said, “Fine, forget about the dates, just give me this instead. Didn’t you say it’s for me?”

Raising his eyes, Lan WangJi leveled him with a testing gaze. Wei WuXian very earnestly pleaded, “Please, I beg you. I really want it. Give it to me.”

Lan WangJi lowered his gaze. After a long moment, he returned the hen that he had originally offered to Wei WuXian. Taking back the hen, Wei WuXian took out a single red date and wiped it on his robes over his chest. Biting into the crispy fruit with a crunch, he asked, “What do you want to do next?” He had to stop himself from almost saying, “Which household do you want to ransack next?”

Lan WangJi frowned slightly. He corrected, “‘We’.”

Wei WuXian quickly amended his words, “Right right right, ‘we’.”

Nodding, Lan WangJi proceeded to give him the rest of his dates again. Wei WuXian wiped some on his robes, ate a few in a row, and thought of how people would probably think the world was ending if they ever learned that HanGuang-Jun had asked the Yiling Patriarch to accompany him in harassing common households.

When they passed by another set of walls, Lan WangJi stopped. After looking around and making sure that no one else was in sight, he pulled out Bichen. With a few quick, blinding flashes of white light, a line of text appeared on the wall.

Wei WuXian went up for a closer look. The words read: ‘Lan WangJi of Gusu was here.’

Wei WuXian, “……”

With a single red date hanging between his teeth, Wei WuXian was stupefied. Putting Bichen back into its sheath, Lan WangJi admired his own work, then turned his head to Wei WuXian and asked, “How is it.”

Wei WuXian, “Huh? What? How is it? ……Good, very good. I’m really quite impressed!”

He was speaking the truth. Even while drunk, HanGuang-Jun’s handwriting was still impeccable. Wei WuXian was truly impressed, and ashamed of his own handwriting in comparison. Nodding, Lan WangJi offered Bichen to Wei WuXian.

Wei WuXian, “?”

Lan WangJi offered Bichen to him again. Taking the sword and noticing the space on the wall behind the words “Lan WangJi of Gusu”, Wei WuXian finally understood.

Lan WangJi’s was waiting for him to put his own name on!

Lan WangJi kept staring at him. Unable to stand his intense gaze a moment longer, Wei WuXian said, “Okay okay okay, I’ll write I’ll write.” Resigning to his fate, he added “Wei WuXian of Yunmeng” next to Lan WangJi’s name on the wall.

‘Lan WangJi of Gusu, Wei WuXian of Yunmeng, was here!’

Looking pleased, Lan WangJi finally took Bichen back. After a pause, however, he raised the sword to the wall again. This time, he didn’t write anything. Instead, he drew. With a few strokes of sword glares, two small figures emerged on the wall with their head snuggled close together, as if sharing a kiss. Seeing such refined strokes creating such vulgar imagery, Wei WuXian lowered his head and slapped himself on the forehead.

Petty theft and vandalisms, writing and drawing on walls…… Now he was confident he knew what was going on—

Earlier in the Lotus Pier, Wei WuXian had told Lan WangJi many stories detailing his youth and all the funny, crazy things he had done. With the Gusu Lan Sect’s strict sect rules, Lan WangJi probably had never had the chance to go wild like this while growing up. He must have remembered everything that Wei WuXian had told him, and was now reliving every single thing while drunk. This had got to be the case; even the contents of Lan WangJi’s doodles mirrored what Wei WuXian had told him!

Having finally pieced together what was going on, Wei WuXian didn’t know whether he should laugh or cry, ‘But these are the kind of things I only did back when I was twelve or thirteen!’

Seeing Lan WangJi getting more and more absorbed into his doodling and their contents becoming weirder and weirder, Wei WuXian pitied Bichen and worried for the wall. “We’ve got to erase our names from this wall later. Can’t let people know who’s responsible. No no no, maybe we should just take down this entire wall……”

“Aarf aarf aaaarf awoo awoo awoooo!”

Suddenly, a wave of angry dog barks erupted in the air. As if fireworks had lit up next to his ears, Wei WuXian let out a startled scream. Scared out of his mind, he jumped onto Lan WangJi without even thinking, yelling, “Lan Zhan, save me!!!”

This household had dogs!

Honestly, in the middle of the quiet night, Wei WuXian’s startled screams and shouts were much scarier than a hound’s barks. Wei WuXian was so frightened that his soul was nearly parting from his body. Expression unchanging, Lan WangJi held him with one arm and patted him in a soothing manner. Holding Wei WuXian with one hand and Bichen with the other, Lan WangJi leaped onto the wall and peered at the angry hound beneath them. Wei WuXian’s limbs had become boneless like cotton. Tangling himself tightly onto Lan WangJi with all four limbs, he buried his face into the crook of Lan WangJi’s neck. Wei WuXian’s whole body was numbed with fright as he screamed, “Stop trying to confront it! Go, let’s just go!!! Lan Zhan hurry! Get me out of here!!! AHHHHHHH!!!”

Wei WuXian was screaming mad. Meanwhile, the dog had put its tail between its legs the moment it had seen Lan WangJi. With its tongue out, the dog lowered its head, crouched on the ground and whined in a low voice, not daring to make another bark. Standing victoriously, Lan WangJi patted Wei WuXian on the back two more times for comfort. Hugging Wei WuXian tightly, he leaped down the wall once more.

Once they had ventured far enough and the noises of dogs had ceased for a long while, Wei WuXian finally peeled himself off Lan WangJi. His eyes were starry and his legs were still in shambles. Patting him on the shoulder, Lan WangJi stared at him with care and concern, as if asking Wei WuXian how he was feeling. It took Wei WuXian a long moment to collect himself. Breathing with some effort, he casually praised, “HanGuang-Jun, your heroism is unparalleled!”

Hearing this, Lan WangJi seemed to smile.

It was gone as quickly as it’d appeared. Startled, Wei WuXian almost thought that his eyes were playing tricks on him.

After a pause, Wei WuXian exhaled a breath of air. Scratching his chin, he smiled and said, “Lan Zhan, now you must regret not coming back to the Lotus Pier with me back in the days…… Wait wait where are you going now?! Don’t wander off randomly!”

Much effort and persuasion later, Wei WuXian finally managed to drag Lan WangJi back to the inn. Seeing that the two of them had come back with two hens in the middle of the night and then given them to her, the innkeeper was at a momentary loss for words. Wei WuXian dragged Lan WangJi upstairs to their room, closed the door and turned around. When they were outside, it had been too dark for him to notice anything. But now that they were indoors with lighting, the chicken feathers, leaf bits, and white powder from the wall had all become quite apparent all over Lan WangJi’s clothes, face and hair. It was a very unkempt sight. Smiling, Wei WuXian helped him pat the mess off, “So dirty!”

Lan WangJi said, “Wash my face.”

Wei WuXian couldn’t help but tug at his forehead ribbon again, saying, “You’ve learned to tell me what to do now?!”

The first time that Lan WangJi had been drunk, Wei WuXian had washed his face for him and Lan WangJi had clearly enjoyed it. It was only natural for Lan WangJi to ask for it again this time. But after all the mess he’d made, simply washing his face alone woudln’t nearly be enough to clean up the mess. Thus, Wei WuXian said, “How about I give you a bath instead?”

Hearing this, Lan WangJi’s eyes slightly widened. Carefully studying Lan WangJi’s expression, Wei WuXian asked again, “Would you like that?”

Lan WangJi slowly nodded his head and said, “Yes.”

The workers in this inn were mostly women and naturally Wei WuXian didn’t want to trouble them with hard physical labour. Instead, after instructing for Lan WangJi to sit still, Wei WuXian went downstairs to heat up water himself, and brought them upstairs one bucketful at a time. Once the tub was filled, he tested the water’s temperature. Just as he was about to tell Lan WangJi to undress, he turned to find that Lan WangJi had already undressed himself completely.

Although the two of them had bathed together before in the Cloud Recesses’ cold spring, they had both been simple-minded youths at the time. Even when Wei WuXian had walked in on Lan WangJi bathing two months ago, at the time he had harboured no other thoughts. Not to mention that in both instances mentioned above, half of Lan WangJi’s body had been submerged in water. Thus, suddenly seeing all of Lan WangJi, plain and undisguised…… Needless to say, it was a huge shock to Wei WuXian. Momentarily, he couldn’t decide between following the urge to stare to his heart’s content, or snatching something to help Lan WangJi restore an ounce of modesty. Scalp tingling, Wei WuXian unconsciously took a few steps backwards. Yet, the more he retreated, the more Lan WangJi advanced. Soon, Wei WuXian’s whole body was pressed to a corner of the room with nowhere left to escape. All he could do was stare as Lan WangJi expressionlessly approached closer and closer. A strong, contoured throat; pale, immaculate skin; elegant, smooth yet defined muscle lines—all forced their way into his sight. Almost too afraid to look straight ahead, Wei WuXian furtively glanced sideways. Unconsciously, he swallowed, only to realize that his throat had become dry.

Wei WuXian’s heart was feeling close to despair. Clenching his teeth a few times, he suddenly continued as if nothing was out of the ordinary, “I’m just here to prepare the bath for you. It’s done now. Why don’t you do the rest yourself?” Just as he was about to dash away, Lan WangJi suddenly reached out and tore Wei WuXian’s waist sash into two.

Lan WangJi’s still wore a serious, formal expression, yet his actions were brutish and blunt. Wei WuXian had not expected him to suddenly behave this way at all. Shocked and startled, he hurried to gather together his own lapels and said, “Wait wait stop stop! I’m not bathing! I’m not going to! You do it yourself.”

Lan WangJi frowned. Wei WuXian said, “You go wash first. I like, um, bigger tubs. This tub is too small to fit two people in at once.”

Lan WangJi looked to the tub. Confirming that the tub was indeed not big enough, he reluctantly gave up, turned and slowly sulked his way into the tub and slowly submerged himself within the hot water. Wei WuXian exhaled and said, “Take your time soaking, I’ll be outside,” and was ready to dash out into the night and let the cool air calm him down when he heard the sound of water splashing. Turning back, he asked, “Why are you out again?”

Lan WangJi replied with a hard expression, “I’m not washing anymore.”

Wei WuXian returned, “Why? What about all the dirt?”

Lan WangJi appeared displeased but remained quiet. Wordlessly, he went to the divider and tried to put the clothes he’d shed back on himself. Wei WuXian quickly went to him. With half a guess of what was up, he asked, “Is it because you want me to wash you?”

With eyes lowered, Lan WangJi neither confirmed nor denied it.

Seeing him like this, Wei WuXian’s heart instantly softened. He was quite amused. Lan WangJi had been like this ever since he was young; never saying what he wanted yet always acting so blunt and insistent towards it, as if fighting a battle. Wei WuXian dragged Lan WangJi towards the tub, saying, “Alright, I’ll help you wash. Come here.” He thought to himself, ‘I’ve lost I’ve lost. Fine, I’ll just wipe him a little. I won’t do anything else.’

Dragged back to the tub by Wei WuXian, Lan WangJi re-submerged himself into the water. Rolling up his sleeves, Wei WuXian joined him beside the tub.

With his pale, soft skin and jet black hair, amidst the languidly rising steam, Lan WangJi was breathtaking. He almost looked like a deity of ice and snow, bathing in an ethereal pool of Heaven. Wei WuXian thought it was a shame that there weren’t flower petals around for him to add to the water. It would’ve made the scene even more gorgeous. Taking the wooden spoon in the tub, he carefully ran consistent streams of warm water over Lan WangJi’s head. Lan WangJi stared at Wei WuXian the entire time. Worried that the water would get into Lan WangJi’s eyes and cause him discomfort, Wei WuXian said, “Close your eyes.”

-

#魔道祖师 #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #novel translation #my translation

[spacejew]

oops accidental personal post I guess

It's weird that I almost feel the need to go here to personal blog again because of a handful of irl friends following what was supposed to be a private personal Twitter in theory, just for like, idk, internet strangers and friends I made online not those imported from meatspace. Also those character limits... Suffocating.

Anyways yeah things are kinda stable but dissapointing lifewise? I'm definitely in a rut and stuck somewhere I'm desperately trying to get out of. Also like. idk. Gender shit. I think I really fucked myself over hard when I made the decision a few years back to conviously bottle up all my dysphoria and trans feelings and bury them and repress them hard and just live as a very gay and feminine bi boy and like. hm. I think I've been happy since? But im thinking now that maybe. Because that's still a part of my psyche that haunts me every day. I might actually have been mildly depressed this whole time and like, still struggling to make important life decisions because of the anxiety of that. Idk. Maybe if I got a therapist and realistic attention to that all those years ago and it turned out to be very real n legit and i got to make tough choices and live my truth, I would be equipped now to actually be joyful and able to fully focus on hard work and taking risks and putting myself out there and being successful and shit. Idk idk idk. I just have to wonder if all this time I've actually been quite unhappy and filling the void with dumb shit and a good deal of dissociation and complacency. Idk. what I'm saying is maybe I made a big mistake there lmao and could've started transitioning, if that's right for me, 4-7 years ago maybe, who knows. Haha so fun. Fuck me. Big Regrets, lads. But also I still don't know if that's right. Which probs means it is who am I kidding. Oof. But it's ok life is a journey I'm full of wise shit and I know it's not the end of the world. It just kinda. Makes me so sad on behalf of the old me who would cry so much because of dysphoria and living in this body in this life. She knew. I don't know why I buried her alive like that. Anyways.

I spent all year struggling to make an animated short (which ended up being kinda long tbh like 10 minutes?) by myself mostly, just me and my mental blocks and executive dysfunction and shit, but I was v passionate about it and worked hard and got to actually bring a whole vision to life, with basically nobody to tell me what to do, just give me feedback that I wasn't obligated to follow. It came out pretty nice and I'm very happy that I got to tell exactly the story I wanted and try a cool new look and I just wish I gave myself more time to work on the actual animation part but I put my heart and endless weeks and months of refinement into the storyboarding and script and every little detail and I really feel accomplished and like it paid off -- and I even got to do a private screening at my summer camp job that I was called in to do one more time at the last minute right when I finished my film, it was a miracle and so perfect, everyone cried and truly loved it and felt touched by it. And then I went to animation festivals! And all this cool shit! But... I haven't been able to figure out a public screening thing yet. And I feel like all my excitement is gone now. And I really wanted to polish the look and some backgrounds a little, just some very quick rerendering and comp, but. I feel like too much time has passed, i just feel dissapointed. I haven't put it online yet cause I haven't done my public screening, cause of my stupid anxiety about little details and overall idk imposter syndrome I guwss I feel more ashamed of it than proud of it even tho it's probably good, and like I feel that everyone was excited to support me but probably nobody cares anymore.

Basically I had all the wind taken out of my sails. Oh and right when I was trying to get it off the ground I guess and push through, my grandma died. I'm so heartbroken I loved her so fucking much and. She never got to see the film cause of my stupid bullshit. I feel so bad about that. So so bad. Ugh. And it's a film very very hilariously blatantly directly based on me and my feelings and my real family history, ultimately besides other main themes it's about talking to your grandparents and family about the past and your current feelings. And in it the main character, a girl, cough cough even though it's basically me, cough cough go figure, gender shit, anyways the climax is her going back in time to talk to her great grandma, and it's very emotional and my best friend of like almost 10 years now composed and recording a music for that scene for me. And now when I eventually screen this, my entire family and also myself is gonna get torn to shreds by this scene more than intended because my own fucking grandma, who I was excited to show this film to more than anyone on earth, passed so unexpectedly without seeing it. Fuck. Why didn't I send it to her when she was in the hospital? Obviously cause if I did that that would make it real and she wouldn't get better and all I do is live in denial. Ugh. Anyways yeah. The point is I'm stagnant and in a rut right now and just want to move forward and focus on making new work and just get a real career relevant job already. Tough year hit a well needed high and now petering off back into misery. Not to be dramatic. I'm ok tbh I have a part time I'm slowly getting sick of and a loving supportive partner and some very good friends, tho not as many as I used to see regularly and that's kinda sad too. That's your 20s babey.

I just need to move on and make big changes. My pattern rn is like. Work fri-sun, if I'm lucky I get to hang out with friends or lovers, usually at least with my partner. on monday I recover from working. on tuesday I have dnd and usually get some stuff done but honestly just catch up on warframe with my clan friends. wednesday my partner and I got to the park and library for half the day and eat and draw and talk. on thursday I mentally prepare for work again and usually we go out to play another roleplaying game with her roommates friends. a lot of that free time that's been left unmentioned is spent being over at bae's sometimes so I don't have the ability to get much work done. Lately I've spent most of my time planning a dnd campaign which is fun but also too stressful on account of obviously I'm not playing it yet so like what's the point, sorry friends who have patiently waited for months for me to be ready to start the game for them. And also like. Yeah idk. just sad and confused and resting my weary heart and body after a very rough month after my grandma passed. But! I did accomplish a very crazy deep cleaning of my room. I threw out 14 bags of shit at the least. I wish I weighed it all, it was a lot. I feel so much more organized and cleansed from that. For the record I didn't have any trash in my room, nor was it every a mess. Just every single cabinet and drawer was crammed full of stuff and I guess I hoarded a lot of shit. I was able to throw away a lot of things I held on to be cause of sentimentality and I'm proud of myself for growing that way. So like. Idk. It's not all bad, baby steps. I still feel like I'm constantly improving as a person! I'm positive, optimistic. Just tired, anxious, and feel bad.

Also I finally got a new phone and because of my hubris I dropped it without a case and it shattered only two weeks in. The day I was gonna buy a case. But it's ok. Story of my life I guess. I can't keep everything pristine and polished forever, one day shit falls and breaks but it's still usable. It has character.

I wasn't expecting to dump everything like this, sorry yall. Thanks for reading I guess. Also I forgot how to do a read more on mobile lol sorry

#personal #capn whitey #tw death #i guess

[subverbaldreams]

Logan x Victor for Torture Tuesday

Enjoy another Torture Tuesday courtesy of @barb-aricyawp‘s prompt! 

I had a rough week and took it out on Logan...like EVERY SINGLE person who’s ever written anything about Logan does, I guess? 

But not to worry, Victor will kiss and make better.

Warning for: Victor’s incestuous yearnings, torture, brainwashing techniques, violence, and creepy snuggling

Logan’s last shriek made the speakers whine until Stryker turned the volume down. Victor watched over Stryker’s shoulder as the staticky, black and white version of his brother slumped to the floor of his tiny chamber, a trembling ball of blood-streaked muscle. With his wrists chained to his waist, he’d managed to put some slices in the 7 foot thick concrete walls. Mostly, he’d just managed to cut himself.

 “You want to go to him,” Stryker said. Didn’t even turn around, but he knew. Maybe he’d always known. Logan had tried to play the normalcy game, but Victor couldn’t give two shits what anyone thought. Tongues don’t wag too good when they’re cut out, Jimmy.

 His brother hadn’t seen the humor. He never did.

 “Go on,” Stryker said. “I want to see if he remembers you.”

 Victor smirked, a hard line that bore no room for the thought of what it would do to him the day Logan *didnt* remember him. “You gonna send in a team if I have trouble?”

 Stryker dipped his chin. That look that said he was superior, Victor was an animal, he held the reins. Victors hard smile turned to a baring of teeth.

 “if it’s too much trouble, then don’t go.”

 To that, there was really no response.

 Victor went.

 ——

 Nineteen levels underground and through a rat’s maze of cramped halls, Victor was let through a boulder-thick vault door into a room that was always watched, but never occupied: a safety net in case Weapon X got out of his deprivation cell. Victor’s blood was sizzling in his veins by the time the trap door to the lower chamber opened. Logan’s heartrate never changed as Victor hopped down into the tiny space.

 They’d hosed down the chamber (and Logan) just a few hours ago, but every pore in the concrete stank of terror. Logan had curled into a fetal position, shivering.

 No...not just that.

 Crying.

 Victor looked without pity on the naked, broken thing he had raised up from a pup. His little Jimmy, who had shivered and wept when they were fugitives sleeping in cold woods for months on end. Victor had been his everything, in those days.

 Sometimes that was how it went down. Shit coming around full circle, and all that.

 Victor crouched and hooked a matted chunk of hair with his claws, pushed it off his little brother’s forehead. Logan lurched upward with a scream, thrashing his upper body to try and get his claws in range of Victor. Even in such cramped quarters, it was child’s play to dodge. Victor got behind his brother with ease, wrapped him in a bear hug and squeezed until his wild thrashing stopped.

 Logan’s smell was overpowering; there was only so much that a high pressure hose could manage. He smelled like himself, though. No chemicals; his body would just expel them. Everything they’d done to him was with light and sound, and some whizbang they plugged him into him each day that made him experience “simulations.” Over the weeks, Victor had watched his brother crumble. Watched him lose his defiance. Lose his words.

 Lose his mind.

 It took a few false starts, but eventually Logan’s struggles morphed back into shakes. He sank back against Victor, knees pulled up to his chest. Every breath was expelled as a bestial grunt.

 “That’s better,” Victor rumbled, then clung tight as Logan bucked. “Shh, shh.” Victor rocked him and shushed him, until they were back to the semi-calmed grunts. Fuckin’ cold in the cell; that might’ve been the only reason Logan was pressing back against him. Still kind of a turn-on.

 <zzzzht> “Ask him.” <kkhhh>

 Stryker’s voice came over the speakers, thick with static.

 Logan’s scream just then was nearly intelligible. Victor snarled, furious as he wrestled his brother back to the ground and pinned him down from above. Logan kept struggling, wild at the sound of his tormentor’s voice.

 “Fuckin’ sonofabitch,” Victor hissed. Logan was making it near impossible to keep acting calm. He was in pieces, and Victor wanted to take those pieces, make them bleed, and paint the walls with them. He turned his face to where he knew the camera watched, brandished his claws, then drove them into Logan’s upper abdomen and ripped. Blood sprayed onto Victor’s face and he grinned, imagining how Stryker must be pissing himself right now.

 The severe wound brought Logan back focus. He looked down at his belly, face soft with confusion that quickly melted into fury. Logan’s fists clenched—but his hazelnut eyes widened in absolute horror as six adamantium blades came snapping out from between his own knuckles.

 Logan’s mouth stretched in a scream. He opened his hands and shook them, as if he could make himself drop the blades. He tried to scuttle backward, but Victor pinned him and slapped a hand over his mouth. The cell was too fucking small for any sound that loud.

 Logan’s mouth moved beneath his palm. Begging. He’d been doing that a lot lately.

 Please. Please. Please.

 Eye contact. So much of it, and suddenly Victor realized how much he’d missed Logan’s eyes. He should spend more time down here, really.

 “Who am I?” Victor asked.

 A stilted head shake. The smell said more than words. It wasn’t recognition, but something was still knocking around in that scrambled brain. Some memory.

 Logan had stopped trying to scream, so Victor let his hand slide down to cup Logan’s scruffy jaw. He tucked his face into Logan’s throat, breathed in his scent. It wasn’t enough, so he opened his mouth and sucked the thin flesh over Logan’s pulse.

 Logan’s breath shuddered, but he didn’t pull away. Those little grunts were almost words.

 Please. Please.

 Shit. It had been weeks since Logan had been allowed to touch anyone. Years since they had touched each other, except for the fighting.

 Way too long since they’d had this.

 Logan’s chest heaved over a sob. He turned his head so that his chin rested on the side of Victor’s face, tucking Victor into his neck.

 It was...nice. It felt good.

 Until a name came melting off of Logan’s lips like liquid poison.

 “Kayla.”

 Victor forgot the low ceiling when he surged to his feet, cracked his skull on it and didn’t give a fuck about the pain. He laid into Logan with tooth and claw, kicked him until his teeth decorated the floor, didn’t stop until a torrent of cold water punched him in the chest and threw him into the corner. He rebounded, went for the source of the blast, but of course there was no one there to kill. They were too careful for that. The multidirectional hose that was set into a high corner of the wall shut off when Victor stopped moving, and he realized Stryker was on the comm; sounded as though he’d been shouting for a while.

 “—VICTOR!! VICTOR STAND THE FUCK DOWN! STAND—“ <zzzzhk>

 Victor said nothing—couldn’t speak, still burned with a rage that could slaughter the world, but he listened to that voice. Couldn’t have said why, even if he’d calmed enough to remember niceties like language. That was just the voice he listened to.

 The trapdoor opened and Victor leapt out of the cell without aid of the rope. The way behind him closed immediately, sealing their precious Weapon X back in his prison. Victor stalked to the vault-style door and banged it with an open palm. Waited. Banged again.

 “Not yet, Victor.” The voice came from overhead, clearer out of this speaker than the one in Logan’s cell, below. “You need to take a break. Shake it off.”

 Victor glowered up at the camera.

 He wound up pacing a tight circle for a long fucking time. He kept looking at his claws, remembering the shining blades that sprouted from Logan’s fists. Stryker didn’t think he’d survive the process, but they were refining it even now.

 There’d come a time. There would. And by that time, he’d make sure Logan didn’t remember anything but him.

~~~~~~~~~~

For some very sexplicit dubcon/noncon Victor/Logan, check out my AO3:

Blood is Forever

Poison

Here’s a link to Barb-aricyawp’s Torture Tuesdays collection!

#logan howlett #logan #Victor Creed #sabretooth #wolverine #torture tuesday #whump #whump!logan #brainwashing #cramped spaces #claustrophobia #Lannisters got nothin on these 2 when it comes to incest and dysfunction #thank you Barb #m/m

[clareguilty]

McSombra Commission Fic!

This commission is for @itshigh-boop ! This is a $25 piece. It was loads of fun to write! I actually really enjoy McSombra and I’m honored to have been able to write for such an underrated ship!

Word Count: ~2500 Rating: T/M  Warnings: Light violence, Mentions of sex

Jesse McCree was no fool. At least that was what he liked to tell himself. He had done enough-seen enough-to know what trouble looked like, and he did his best to stay out of it. The woman across the bar was trouble personified, all dolled up with cybernetics and purple lipstick. Her eyes hadn’t left Jesse since she had sat down half an hour ago.

Despite the threat lurking three stools down, the cowboy had kept to himself. He had every intention of finishing his drinks before heading back to his hideout and getting the hell out of dodge. There was no point in staying in Castillo if he was being watched.

His plans changed when the purple-haired woman moved to sit right next to Jesse. Her too long nails sent shivers down his spine as she placed a hand on his arm.

“What brings you to Castillo, Jesse McCree?” her voice had a strange melody, curious but all-knowing at the same time. Jesse was instantly on edge at the sound of his name.

“I imagine you must already know that,” He said, voice cold and defensive.

“You’re right, but it’s always polite to ask,” She shrugged.

“What do you want, Sombra?” Jesse allowed himself a smug smile as the hacker’s eyes widened. She wasn’t the only one in the business of information. “I thought you were Talon’s lap dog.”

“Talon is a joke, and you know it. I’m much more interested in why an ex-Blackwatch operative is monitoring the arms trade in Dorado.” Sombra raised an eyebrow over the rim of her glass.

“Let me know when you figure it out.” The wink was an accident.

He shouldn’t have taken her back to his hideout. Shouldn’t have helped her out of that purple bodysuit. Shouldn’t have fallen into bed with her only to wake up alone.

He should have skipped town that morning.

But he was back in the same bar two days later and she was trailing those freaky long nails over his shoulder and he made the same mistake twice. At least the sex was great.

She was gone when he woke in the morning, unsurprising. So, Jesse gathered up his pride along with his boxers and skipped town at the earliest opportunity.

He had no intention of ever seeing Sombra again. They existed in two different worlds, equally dark as they were. A cowboy living on the edge of the law and a trickster working alongside an international terrorist cell. Jesse was not the kind of man to give his time over to a disloyal, arrogant, blackmailing hacker.

Jesse reckoned he must have more in common with Sombra than he originally thought when he found her again in Dorado. Los Muertos apparently took issue with her leaving the gang like she did, and Jesse found her in a field of bodies, blood spattered on her cheek as she clawed her way out of an ambush. He had had the exact same fight with Deadlock back in his Blackwatch days.

The Deadeye took care of the remaining assailants no problem. He picked his way through the mess of corpses, snagging anything that looked valuable before making his way to where Sombra had collapsed.

She tried to fight him as he lifted her into his arms. He chuckled at her feeble punches and ineffective scratches, “Can you settle down for a bit?”

Sombra grimaced but stilled, conceding to the vaquero as he carried her to safety.

If Sombra had been of a better mind as Jesse laid her gently across his bed, she would have been predictably disgusted with his living conditions. Jesse was staying in an older building far removed from the town square. The bed was lumpy and moth-eaten, and the light flickered every few minutes. The cowboy was used to the squalor, but he knew Sombra had much more refined tastes.

The hacker seemed understandably disgruntled as Jesse tossed his ratty blanket over her shivering form and cracked open his only biotic field. He slumped against the wall and pulled his hat over his eyes, not committing to sleep, but allowing himself to doze.

Jesse rose several times in the night to check on Sombra, dampening a cloth to wash the grime and blood from her face. He wanted to do more, to dress her wounds and make sure she didn’t have any broken bones, but he didn’t want to push anything. Sombra would have no qualms about killing him if he made a move she didn’t like. He kept his distance and watched with desperation in his eyes.

It hadn’t taken Jesse long to figure out he had feelings for Sombra. He wasn’t the kind of man to take just anyone to bed, especially not twice. Danger or not—intel or not, something about Sombra struck Jesse’s heart. He had always been a sap that way, letting his heart make decisions that his brain should know better.

He wasn’t dumb enough to say anything about it. He knew that Sombra would never return his feelings, she was using him. He reckoned that he didn’t mind being used as nothing but a good fuck and a source of useless intel if it meant he got to hold the hacker in his arms for one night every few months. It was pathetic—he knew, but it was more than he had had in years.

Sombra turned in her sleep, groaning softly in discomfort. Jesse hated the way his heart twinged. He wasn’t often in the business of caring for people, and he knew that wanting to protect Sombra only created another weakness for his enemies to exploit. Her being one of them. He watched her brows furrow as she dreamt about things Jesse would never understand. There was no way things would end well for him.

Sombra jolted awake several hours later, bright hair all mussed up from her restless sleep. Her eyes searched frantically around the room, fingers reaching blindly for a weapon. Jesse had stowed her machine pistol well out of reach for that exact reason.

“Where am I?” she demanded. Her expression was fierce despite her rumpled appearance.

“Dorado. My hideout. I have a med kit if you want to dress your wounds.” Jesse got straight to the point. He was usually a man of many words, but he had to think quickly if he wanted to keep Sombra from leaving at the earliest opportunity. Jesse kicked the box across the wooden floor, keeping his distance from the bed. He hated having to tread so carefully with the hacker, but he couldn’t risk scaring her off. He didn’t know if he would ever see her again.

“At least make yourself useful and help me out,” Sombra rolled her eyes, tugging her top over her head. She winced and hissed in pain as many of her wounds reopened from the movement, the fabric of her shirt pulling at her scabs. Jesse hoped he didn’t look too desperate as he snatched up the med kit and took a seat on the bed.

Sombra was in bad shape. Covered in bruises and cuts, dried blood had caked to her dark skin. Jesse let her take the lead as she tore open several packets of disinfectant wipes and began cleaning the various scrapes that littered her upper body. The cowboy trailed after her with biotic ointment, carefully coating each gash with the honey-colored gel.

The process was meticulous and slow. Los Muertos had been close to killing their former member when Jesse had intervened. Both he and Sombra were surprised at the extent of her injuries. If McCree hadn’t shown up when he did, Sombra likely would have died. He shuddered at the thought and focused on bandaging any cuts that looked too deep for his liking.

“You can borrow one of my shirts if you like,” He offered, scooping up the mess they had made on the mattress. “I can take your stuff to get washed and it would give your scrapes some room to breathe.”

Jesse realized just how badly Sombra was hurt when she didn’t even speak, didn’t even fight. The exhausted woman just nodded and pulled the button-down Jesse had offered her over her shoulders. She dragged herself out of the rest of her dirty clothes for Jesse to take to the wash.

She was asleep when he got back, clean and freshly folded clothes tucked under his arm. Jesse noticed even more scrapes and bruises on Sombra’s legs. They hadn’t even made it that far after the first hour of cleaning and bandaging.

The outlaw sighed. He had dreamed about having Sombra in his bed, wearing nothing but one of his shirts. Now that he was staring at the reality, he realized how cruel the fates would always be. The Curse of the Monkey’s Paw he thought scornfully, fully intending to blame Winston for all of his bad luck.

Several more hours passed in silence. Jesse finally allowed himself to sleep for a few minutes at a time, but he couldn’t rest for very long before feeling the need to check that Sombra was still breathing steadily on the bed. She was always fine, but he always checked.

Jesse must have been asleep when Sombra woke next. The bed was empty. He scrambled for a few seconds, looking for any trace of the hacker, any sign that she wasn’t gone for good.

The machine pistol still lay next to his peacekeeper.

Sombra was still around. Jesse hated how relieved he felt knowing that he would get to see her again. Why did he care so much for someone who would never be able to return his feelings?

“Do you have any food, vaquero?” a clear voice snapped Jesse out of his self-pity. Sombra had returned from the restroom.

“Sure, uh, mostly non-perishables,” Jesse found a few cans of fruit and a package of jerky. Sombra didn’t complain as she took the food, but Jesse could read the disapproval in her eyes as she ate. Jesse’s lifestyle would never be good enough for her. He would never be good enough for her.

Sombra ate quickly. She was still dressed in nothing but his button-down, open in the front. The two had never really encountered each other fully clothed, and there was no need for modesty. Two sexually charged flings and one rescue from a near-death experience did not count as activities that required a full wardrobe.

Jesse did a good job of not staring as he checked his supplies and tidied up as much as he could. He prided himself on being respectful, even if he was an outlaw. Averting his eyes, all of his focus went into cleaning peacekeeper so he could distract himself from the woman sitting cross-legged on his floor. He didn’t even notice when she had finished and was surprised when Sombra appeared at his side.

She plucked the pistol from his hand and settled herself firmly in his lap, bare thighs on either side of his waist as she clung to him. Lips brushed his jaw. Fingers trailed down his chest.

Not again. Jesse thought as he tried to push Sombra away. He couldn’t let himself make this same mistake over and over. His heart couldn’t take it.

Sombra turned out to be very persuasive. Jesse let himself be dragged to bed. He just hoped she would be gone when he woke up. She would be gone for good, and he could move on. Curled against his side, expression softer than he had ever seen it, Sombra slept on, oblivious to the storm raging in Jesse’s heart. He tried to commit her to memory, the softness of her skin, the strange melody of her voice, the brightness of her eyes.

Dawn had never felt so cold. Jesse bit back tears and tore himself away from where the sheets were still warm. This was the life he had chosen. This was what he deserved.

It’s better this way. He repeated to himself as he packed his things. The day was still young, and he could make it back to the states by nightfall if he hopped the next hyper train. Dorado could be nothing but a memory by next week.

A shuffling noise at the door snapped Jesse out of his misery. Peacekeeper was aimed and ready as the old wood creaked open.

“Buenos Dias, vaquero,” a cheerful voice called “I have breakfast.” Sombra froze as she caught sight of the pistol trained between her eyes.

“Not a morning person. Got it.” The hacker nodded and took a careful step back.

Jesse holstered his weapon immediately as he realized what was happening. “Sorry,” he raised his hands and hung his head. “I didn’t think you were coming back.” The racing of his heart was making it impossible to think. He sat heavily on the bed, running his palms over the tops of his thighs as he tried to ground himself.

A warm, wrapped package landed in his lap. Food. Sombra had already started eating, devouring her own burrito with an almost comical ferocity.

Jesse didn’t even taste the food, too caught up in his own head.

Sombra had come back. She was here. This was her choice.

“You’re leaving.” Her voice called him back to reality.

“I-“ Jesse faltered, without the right words for the first time in his life. “I’ve been here too long already.”

“Were you even going to say goodbye?” The question was more sincere than any Sombra had posed before.

“I didn’t know you were coming back,” there was a note of bitterness in Jesse’s voice that he tried to catch between his teeth.

“That’s fair,” Sombra nodded. “I guess you’re not coming back?” Jesse tried to tell himself he was imagining the sadness in her eyes. He meant nothing to this woman; she had no reason to miss him.

“Don’t have much reason to,” Jesse shrugged. If he was going to leave, he was running out of time. The next hyper train left in an hour.

Silence reigned for a long moment. Sombra spoke first.

“Thank you,” her voice was quiet.

“For what?” Jesse looked up in surprise.

“For helping me. I don’t have a lot of people who would help me.” Her lip trembled. Jesse couldn’t stop himself. He pulled Sombra into his arms, holding her close. A shaky exhale into his chest made his heart fall.

Sombra pulled away. Jesse let her.

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to fight back every emotion that was clawing its way out of his chest.

Lips brushed his. Soft and gentle, barely there.

Jesse took Sombra’s face in his hands, kissing back with more passion than ever before. She responded with matching enthusiasm, fingers tangling in his hair. He grabbed at Sombra’s waist, her hips, her thighs. As close as he had held her before, nothing felt like it would be enough. Weeks of longing had finally brought him to this moment, Sombra gasping softly into his mouth.

Jesse missed the hyper train, but he didn’t mind.

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