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#and we all started watching different sports and tv shows and sharing interests outside then
andromedasummer · 2 years
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my friends motorsport server being called the dan gc and then. mostly being made up of people who are lukewarmly curious about his being dropped by mclaren is incredibly funny to me
#to be fair it started as that#then when mr 0 dropped the ableist/racist slurs and a bunch of people got kicked for continuing to be fans of him it dtarted to change cos#a lot of people were in there specifically to ship him with dan (i literally ended up there cos i met nat and raf and nat introduced me to#kerry and invited me to the server so i could talk abt new special interest)#and then we all started having our interest in the sport and dan wane during last years mess of a season#and all started supporting lewis cos he was the only one who repeatedly was like ''i will do something when bad things happen. sport....#have flaws. we can fix!'' and the general apathy in regards to. everything happening in the world was insanely frustrating#and we all started watching different sports and tv shows and sharing interests outside then#and now really its just a server of like 20 friends who met through that sport but share a multitude of interests and hobbies#who talk about that and our personal live#s and interests more than anything else#which is fascinating to me because ive been in quite a few fan based servers that have died off within a year#because ultimately once people start losing the shared interest they stop talking if they didnt make friends#with other members of the server#im very lucky that more often than not i have continued to make friends that outlasted these interests who end up joining other servers im#in/continue to follow and talk to me#holy shit the servers been around 2 years though. like thats insanely cool.#but yes another name might be apt.#only other time our server has been talked about was the twitter callout post that claimed we were a server#made and dedicated to hating on mr 0 who spent all our time trying to cancel him and had 100+ members#a tweet i read and then closed before opening up chat to find my friends having had a 300+ message history#talking about nordic infrastructure and the logistics of having heated roads that had gone on a good hour and a half#truly filled with the most pure evil conniving human beings on the planet#anyway now youve read this far IMAGINE LOSING YOUR SEAT BECAUSE A TWITCH STREAMER OUTDROVE YOU#mind you that twitch streamer is that teams money horse and they'll beat it forever before giving it up
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sugar-petals · 3 years
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Group Sex With SuperM
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SUMMARY: creating a group chat is all it takes.
↳ A/N. yep, we’re going there. 
words. 14k
WARNINGS ⚠️ friends to lovers hc, porn with plot, idol au, sex w/ all members individually and together, dom/sub dynamics, corruption kink, sexting, blowjobs & cunnilingus, gaping, graphic, pegging, bondage, light foot fetish, sex toys, spitroasting (m receiving), brat taming, dick riding, protected sex, doggystyle, cuddling aftercare
curious about an eightsome are we
understood
how’s the state of things then?
last september you decided to open an entire group chat just for planning your juicy sexual activities together
and oh lord is it active
and full of ideas
and explicit videos
and emojis
and excitement
yesterday taemin sent a clip of lusciously covering himself in champagne foam for you
wearing close to nothing
in fact just a piece of gauze, a snake-shaped necklace, and probably a bit of perfume
oh boy
watching that was an out-of-body experience for sure
the entire chat basically imploded with reactions
but hey hey
not so fast
we need to go through everything from the start
to see how all these utterly historic events happened to unfold
so where did all that come from?
first off 
befriending super m outside work (eating together, fooling around, bingwatching stuff, you know)
...means there’s no point nor chance in having a permanent favorite with a group like this
every member truly is the creme de la creme
super m is the package of the entire packages
they are so legendary you can bias each member for one day of the week 
and never run out of that pure bliss
in fact 
you all agreed to do exactly that on a regular basis to get to know each other casually
it just naturally happened
seven days seven members that’s just logical
you can’t always hang out together in full attendance so you split up your times and set specific days
you change that routine very often depending on your individual moods
but it usually goes like this because you want to develop closer bonds with them one-on-one
so this is how it ends up
mondays you work out with xuxi. oh, that sexy smiley man. his body is the ultimate bomb. is there something better than doing sit-ups next to him? anybody’s sports motivation would go through the roof. and if there’s someone you call to share a pile of food with? it’s just gotta be him. being with yukhei is self-care.
tuesdays, you visit ten to check out his latest dance moves. and: to have a huge cuddle session with the cats. sometimes, you watch whatever series you’re in the mood for. it’s always a time to slow down and mend your sore muscles from monday anyway. you think ten is so interesting and talented, and super pretty, truly one of a kind.
on wednesdays jongin and you often end up on long midnight walks with the dogs or you both look after his cute nieces. meeting up at the river han is a staple, you get ice cream and snacks. you adore kai because he’s a sweetheart and steadfast person, and admittedly... so damn hot, holy hell. being with him makes you feel great.
thursday is baekhyun day and full of cheeriness as you’d expect. long hours of gaming, cheeky skinship, banter, and pizza eating await you at his apartment. you adore this mochi for his everything, he makes you laugh uncontrollably so much. sometimes, you also comfort him when he doesn’t feel good about himself or exhausted from practice. he will sing anything you want, baekhyun is like your personal 24/7 radio station.
fridays it’s time for the studio. mark is crafting his most fire bars and loves to have you around there. you inspire him a lot. he’s just completely astounding and the sweetest to you. friday most people would go clubbing, but super m just has to meet up in the studio. no paparazzi, and the music is obviously danceable. i’m telling you: this mob can jop, duh.
saturday is for handsome taeyong who loves coming to your home. cooking, organizing, doing the laundry, and browsing youtube together is the best thing. taeyong is the shyest goodest boy and a great listener. he gives great advice and is the epitome of respectful. you just vibe very well together.
sunday you dedicate to taemin. you watch artsy films, experiment with outfits, and he plays the piano for you so expertly. man, you are lucky. he’s like a fairy to you, and a connoisseur, a mythical figure almost. since he’s a newly-found cat dad, you easily fill your day playing with the most interesting kitten that is lee kkoong. sometimes, you even meet shinee members dropping by.
so yes this is what paradise looks like
and they all love to engage with you in their own way and you develop favorite ways to spend time, they put so much effort into this
it goes without saying that you all realize how hard you’re crushing as the weeks pass
like can you imagine
all the hormones i swear
you’ve already been joking to them that you have seven boyfriends some months ago
well the prophecy is fulfilled faster than you can blink
when you meet up as eight for a movie night at baekhyun’s, the atmosphere feels pretty frisky
because lucas is sending you ten thousand glances and certainly nobody misses that
if this guy is laughing at your every word i mean
meanwhile taeyong is having a nervous meltdown at your every comment about the movie, it’s ridiculous, he’s smitten as fuck, he looks at you like you’re an actual goddess
mark keeps on making glimmering eyes at you as well, and he asks you if you want popcorn every two minutes
baekhyun is all curled up close to your lap and not even watching the movie because his face is almost nuzzled into your sweater for fuck’s sake
taemin has spent the entire preperation in complete frenzy making sure there are scented candles everywhere and the snacks are exquisite and costly. mother taemresa? at full throttle. he even used his own damn credit card.
meanwhile kai suffers from his fidgety legs, constant hair fixing and even more inability to concentrate on the movie 
because damn, he knows he wants your attention. he literally came around with the tightest shirt he owns so there’s that. you can see every little muscle doing its thing when he does as much as breathe. kai is now well aware he came to impress. it won’t take him a lot to realize he wants to be even closer to you than doing midnight walks.
ten is so firmly snuggled up next to you, he might as well be your cat himself. if ten starts acting like a clingy feline instead of being in roast mode, you know he’s lovestruck i’m telling ya
needless to say
the mood in the room is hard to ignore
hell there are romance candles everywhere all those hecking rose fumes are to blame
surprise surprise all the members try to sit as close as possibly to you the more the movie progresses
even abandoning the couch and seats to sit on the ground in front of you instead
“you want popcorn?”
“like some more popcorn?”
“here, have my popcorn!“
“more popcorn?”
“hey do you want popcorn?”
from all sides, constantly
the m in super m stands for making sure you have popcorn
you never run out
like when the leading lady is pulling out a cigarette in those old hollywood flicks and at least twenty guys are scurrying to offer a lighter
i’m exaggerating but
nobody even knows what kind of movie they’re watching tonight though
the elephant in the room is trumpeting too loud to understand the dialogue
you’re surrounded by seven big ole hotties who have fallen for you
it was inevitable
it’s more than clear to everyone that they all like you and you couldn’t be any more fluttered yourself
let the hunger games begin
i’m jopping i mean i’m joking
this is not the wwe
it’s pretty clear to the boys that if they fight you’re gonna be so unhappy and your quality time together is ruined
you adore them all, and they’d be regretful about hurting their own bonds 
and anyway
if it came down to it and the bad blood was really escalating um...
...ten would destroy all of the competition
there’s no denying
by the simple virtue of his badassery and winning disease
quickly reducing all his opponents to a pile of dust so fine-grained, the great freddie mercury himself would resurrect to sing the soundtrack in the background and pump his fist
imagine that. superm actually being gladiators i mean wasn’t that the entire jopping mv
baekhyun would try to pull the leader authority card and use his hapkido martial arts skill but ten would obliterate him anyway so
even if taemin put on a dark robe and drew a salt circle to summon a million snakes from hell, ten would win the fight to a fault
but that’s too apocalyptic and outside of that thought experiment the boys are actually kinda shy so... let’s scratch that
there are seven days of the week with good reason 
you ease the uncertainty and tension by saying you’d truly fail as a tv bachelorette
everyone understands that deciding would be impossible and cheating is shit
why give someone a rose and break 6 hearts when you can hand out a whole damn bouquet
it’s more stylish my friend
and for what reason would ten want to face off against taemin and his army of snakes in the first place. they’re ten’s greatest inspiration
nor does kai have any tighter shirts 
he already ran out, he brought his A game from the get-go
on top of that the popcorn is empty there’s no more to offer
so you remain with the idea to just keep your daily routine
xuxi monday, ten tuesday and so on
keeps everything in order
it’s fair
plus it doesn’t mess with their schedules
usually unless a big award show is coming up but that can be re-planned in advance as well
you know... things can develop in their own timing with each member
it’d be awkward to expect everyone to be on the same stage at once
baekhyun is comfortable with all kinds of back hugs while taeyong and taemin are still completely flustered and turn all wobbly at just a greeting wave
you know what i mean
it’s already clear everyone loves you very differently 
some members are more straightforward, others take it slow, it’s just a normal thing
that’s when the group chat is born
it’s still very sfw 
compared to how explicit it’ll be in the future ahem
and everyone is overcautious with writing something except baekhyun, the eternal extrovert
for now you keep each other updated on how it’s all going with trivial details
earlier you just had individual chats and baekhyun arranged the group meetings since he knows the schedule best
now it’s all in one spot so that works
everyone’s curiosity is quenched at least a little bit
and they see each other anyway and put their heads together
baekhyun will be the most open about how far your skinship slowly develops followed by lucas and kai who oggle each other in their usual tom and jerry manner
which you have an eye on
you tell the members something very important for when they’re envious
or feel the need to one-up or catch up
it’s the sign to get closer to you and that they’re ready for taking another step. that’s literally what jealousy is all about
that advice helps them out a lot actually
kai takes that to heart in particular because he knows he’s prone and feels bad about it
and they also learn from ten who carries a quiet happiness with confidence that doesn’t need comparison, but he can also talk very honestly about how he’s standing with you to the point
ten knows how it’s done
as expected of such a competent man
like he’s kissed your hands very lightly but he doesn’t feel the need to show it off all day
and he also leads by example together with taemin and taeyong how one can give compliments even when not being involved in something 
“you’re looking adorable together“ as taemin would often say about you hanging out with kai or baekhyun
a lot of praise culture is developing in the group chat
you like to see it 
and now for the other elephant in the room
as for who will ask you to sleep with him first
(and mind you at this point they’re all walking around with condoms in their backpacks and jackets)
believe it or not
after the finishing touches on his latest mixtape (oh yes), and those tracks have you feeling some kind of way oh shit, mark gathers all his courage
yes it’s mark lee 
literally he steps into the blaze of bravery of jongin when he first put on a crop top
and gets out a little “can we... some time... you know...” after you’re having some pretzel sticks together and awkwardly sitting around
oh what's gonna happen next huh?
you say you’ve been thinking about it a lot
that he has a great body doesn’t go unseen
and tell him how you imagine it with him
long story short you’ll have your first quickie in the sound booth that night
cutting straight to the chase
him steadily penetrating you from behind, you leaning closely with your back to his chest
just standing and enjoying the rhythm
that dick. is amazing.
oh god, mark lee
long, curved, smooth, a classic
meanwhile your fave rapper is definitely going through it
his arms tell you everything
that’s an embrace for the books
he’s hugging you like his life depends on it
you can just take in how he’s been showering twice today this guy is clean as fuck he smells so good
getting off from shampoo and fabric softener is not what you expected but it definitely makes you clench
you both know he’s not gonna last for more than six minutes and that’s ok
that’s a lot of long-held frustration released into that condom
and a lot of passion put into how he puts his guitar fingers to work on your clit afterwards
jimi ‘lee’ hendrix has arrived
oh yeah mark, you fucking treat, fuck it up
that way you won’t last long either since you guide his finger tips to your favorite spot and the motherfucker completely goes for it
“like this, like, um?”
and he goes off with the wrist
oh shit
it’s all kept so short and simple and you’re on the oldest mustard-colored studio couch that ever existed but mark lee is mark fucking lee nothing can obstruct his quality
like this guy has some serious skills with the angles
that orgasm is gonna get some moans you didn’t know you were capable of out of you
never wasting time, that guy is he
mark definitely fucks like he raps. fast and good
you cool down together looking each other in the eyes, forehead to forehead, for like fifteen minutes, and you give each other little chaste kisses all over your faces and he melts every time
your little rendezvous was definitely so needed 
you ask if you can bring some vibes to play around with and a watermelon next time
you don’t have to ask twice
mark is so damn happy
and the timing was right
straightforward and spontaneous. that definitely works well with mark
no complaints, you go home feeling comfortably refreshed. you’ve told him he could tell the others or wait to do it, this is up to his comfort because he is shy
neither happens
after just one glance at him the next day while the group is doing a photoshoot
baekhyun already knows mark slept with you 
he just knows
and makes a loud “ohh wow, you did it” noise
ten takes two only glances to understand what’s going on too
mark nods and the whole group is highstrung for the entire day
like a hive of bees oh yes
kai is massively proud of raising mark so well but also really surprised
unlike taemin who calmly advised mark on many things in advance
guess where mark’s fingering skills originate from
he took some secret pointers from the king 
taeyong is shook at his rap buddy’s singleminded grit to just spontaneously ask you
while baekhyun...
is keeping it together repeating the anti-jealousy mantra you gave him in his mind
“jealousy means to get closer jealousy means to get closer jealousy means to get closer jealousy means to get closer....“
it makes him realize oh god he really wants to be inside of you badly as well
you ain’t dumb, you see his change of tone from cute to sexy in the group chat even if he might not notice
baekhyun is trying extra hard to make you react to him
he posts so many cute selfies with kissy faces
needless to say taeyong’s time slot gets postponed to next thursday while you visit baekhyun this evening
it works for taeyong because he still needs to think some things through
the news overwhelmed him a little and he is shy about meeting up but that’s not a problem for you
and it’s better to get together with your mochi sooner because you both know there’s a lot of banging to do
like seriously
your mood tells you that candy’s on the menu today
oh yeah. it’s time to be all over your clingy lil’ honey bunny 
there’s not much endless wooing involved it goes to the point very fast after you arrive at his home
you just wanna stop pretending and fuck like animals and see his brain melt from it
remember how baekhyun once said he doesn’t fancy nice girls
that’s what he meant by that
mattress earthquake
he wants you fully riled up with arousal and addicted to touching and grabbing him
yeah baekhyun gets off on your desire
that’s not hard to accomplish when he makes big puppy eyes and puts his tongue on your neck
with that gomez addams shit... kissing up your arm and then popping off as soon as he gets there
congrats morticia
here is a man who can handle ya
he’s being so slobbery and moany about it that it knocks the breath out of you 
that shit is so good
baekhyun is not just a pro at giving head my friend it’s also giving neck
and unlike mark, may god have mercy on you, baekhyun keeps on going and going and kissing and kissing and he wants to lick up all of you so bad 
we know how needy and stamina-heavy this fella is
baekhyun is super m’s most insatiable member by fucking far
he’s like just give it to me and you’re like ok here we go
this guy is burning up oh god
that’s an evening of ten thousand positions, fearless cumplay, and a lot of face-sitting
super m’s most unleashed tongue right here
thank god you worked on your fitness with xuxi otherwise you couldn’t do this
he’s moaning in some harmonic scales or something it’s a whole concert
baekhyun is fully at it with you in every room of his flat with his whole neck and underarms looking mighty veiny
yeah he even carries you around to make it short and simple he’s one impatient bun
he can lift up sehun bridal style so no worries
mochi is smol and thin but he won’t drop you i promise
he’s fueled by horny boyfriend hormones and wants to give you the greatest night of all nights
and hit all the amazing spots
baekhyun aims to make your pussy lips throb and fall completely in love with him
and the bridge of his nose if you get what i’m saying
he’s also versatile in his clothing choices
if you say keep your nerdy glasses on, oh yeah they stay on
just a little challenge to see if you can ride him hard enough to see them fall off
and that dick is not some extra long lasso mark lee calibre
so he can really bend it more and thrust with ease at many angles
talking about mark
he regrets not asking you earlier but you tell baekhyun that this way was much better because you unceremoniously skipped to the fucking instead of messing around
if it wasn’t for mark’s courage to break the ice even with a choppy sentence 
you’d still be awkwardly looking each other in the eyes while munching pizza
all hail mark lee nervous legend
this way, baekhyun goes all out with fewer restraint and the burden of being first with making the impression that comes with it
we all know he’s too self-conscious for his own mochi good so that’s a better way to start out
this way baekhyun will have sex with you until he’s passed out on his bed
knocking him out like that might as well become your favorite hobby
even minutes after your tongue still feels like it’s knotted together with his honestly, the muscle memory is kicking in
and this must be the most dick thrusts you’ve ever gotten in one night
baekhyun really wants to be all inside you, make you feel him
if the condom broke at least his baby will be easy to identify from day one
it’ll come out and belt a perfect G#5
he gave it all my god you stopped counting the times you came your pussy is just dripping wet it feels crazy
and his voice has become all raspy i—
that was baekhyun’s hardest vocal run yet i swear
the contraception shelf in the convenience store next to his house is close to empty
but there’s no need to buy more
what you two perverts have been up to is enough for comfortably going through 10 years of celibacy
baekhyun is content and sleeps like a baby
you hold your bun for like two hours afterwards and never want to let him go
you are as wobbly as taeyong after getting a head pat from you
and the most well-kissed girl in this city tonight
both sets of lips
what a smoochy boyfriend
you even get the chance to jerk baekhyun off in his half-sleep after he wakes up and asks you to put your hand in his pants
guess who opens his mouth very wide to lick his own semen off your fingers with some really obscene noises
it’s his royal nastiness byun baekhyun 
who sucks your tiddies to drift back into sleep again
with his hands in your pants
god bless this man
the group chat is sending 👀 emojis all the way throughout the night
your boys know love is in the air
they’re loosening up the timing is right again
you send cute smiling emojis 
a bunch of “ahs” and “ohs” come through via voicemail
and lucas even writes: “so who’s next? 😳”
damn
you reply boldly: “the one asking that”
the group chat becomes a buzzing beehive again
from which you extract that kai is also very interested while ten, taeyong and taemin prefer waiting a little more
but this time you don’t switch time slots since you’ll meet xuxi on monday already 
kai wants to set up something nice and prepare the catering and whatnot (alright you rich man)
so it’s gonna be wednesday as usual with him
so far so good that’s the plan
sunday being taemin day, you get together to read and paint and listen to music
you feel like just doing some sensual kissing with him and taemin is very down
yeah baby he is the kissing king, taemin is hot stuff, he knows exactly what he’s doing, those lips are the pillows at the gates of heaven
losing your mind is a staple when you do that with him
just making out on the couch surrounded by the nicest arrangement of pot plants you’ve ever seen while it rains completely relaxes you and the serotonin is off the charts
he holds you so gently and tastes so good
what is it, rose water or something like that
he even put on his coziest sweater so you’ll love leaning against him
TL;DR taemin is the biggest fucking romantic in the history of SM
that was so seductive you’ll be dreaming about it
applause for lee taemin please
perfect contrasting programme: just hours later
yeah here it goes now
monday starts with xuxi stripping more than he usually does 
at the makeshift gym in his room while he’s on the treadmill
with his hair freshly dyed the most himbo shade of blonde ever
and yeah that’s blonde with an e because yukhei is too sexy to be called a blond. what an ugly word to look at
he’s a blondé
so that’s nice
he’s so dtf you just skip the workout 
time for lubed condoms.
i don’t have to tell you that you literally jump on him 
or that you’ll be dealing with super m’s singlemost biggest equipment
he doesn’t even have to drive it home an inch by himself you’re already riding him
he can’t handle all that gear in the first place
because how do you even develop a technique with such an unrealistic dick
hell how do you even exist like that
so it’s clear who’s taking the lead
all he has to do is work that body but it sort of happens on its own
himbo autopilot
you are going hard and chaotic on this man
xuxi doesn’t even know what hit him
he’s so vocal and excited 
you fuck him while he holds you up, get down on several gym benches, have him bend you forward at the bathroom sink... 
...and you attend business in ten’s room on a desk and window sill
because it’s the most silent there and doesn’t disturb xiaojun’s beauty sleep
ten has discreetly ushered you there and preoccupies himself in the kitchen with the cats
he knows how the game is played
either floor ‘em all or always watch out for others
MVP
but you are secretly wondering what ten is plotting because he has some serious self-control and observation skills
given how tidy his room is... whatever his plans are you can look forward to it
xuxi is definitely suffering from your heavy duty cock destruction in the meantime while being in heaven at the same time
that dick is worn out and dripping 
so much bouncing is even gonna make the biggest boy lose it
milking that orgasm out of him is gonna be so gratifying yum
the deep and defeated moans, my god he really surrenders to the pleasure
wow that was almost as to-the-point as studio sex with mark
no idle talk in nct huh
you clean each other all exhausted and then gobble up three bowls of noodles each
then sleep for two hours in each other’s arms
then do a second round because this guy is really getting you going and yukhei wants to live this monday to the fullest
like this man gives you previously unknown levels of energy
must be the blonde hair. it does sexy things when yukhei is twitching
this time it’s a dick blowing festival
oh yeah
the type where you’re so sloppy with your head bops, he doesn’t even know where to put his hands and needs to think emergency thoughts
oh yeah big dicks make for some nice slurpy noises that sound really plump you know what i mean
he’s gonna realize very soon you do this shit for your own entertainment
and get all kinds of squeaks and faces out of him
only little pauses help him keep up the stamina so he asks you to pull off for a bit every two minutes or so
he has to look elsewhere and distract his mind with thinking about washing the dishes
girl... your tongue has this man sweating major bullets
you’re big on the corruption kink are you
once again 
xuxi is gonna be so shaken and pass the fuck out from cumming
and he thought he was a horny guy
his soul must have left his body and that scalp is probably dead
but bleaching was worth it (he looks like a sleeping angel now)
not to mention banging all over the wayv dorm
ten got a preview of what’s expecting him
not that he doesn’t know he reads you well
lucas promises to return the oral favor next monday and finally collapses entirely in the living room wearing only boxers
nothing new for wayv, great sight for you
not a single workout routine has exhausted xuxi this much
he needs 10 hours of sleep to reboot
“she’s so wild 😲😂😍” is gonna be what he’ll summarize it as in the group chat later
first big boy taken down
the second one follows
wednesday is right around the corner 
oh yes
kai definitely goes off with the preparation you are not ready for this spectacle
he redecorated his entire kitchen and bathroom to perfection with flowers, lanterns, dim light, petals, expensive fabrics draped from the ceiling, and there’s a great view on night time seoul
you can tell he’s best friends with taemin
i mean they’re the greatest entertainers of their time of course their taste is great
always going the extra mile
the black, sheer shirt with a deep cleavage that kai put on is nothing short of a treat
is that a lace choker he’s wearing
and his hair is pushed back lord have mercy
you get pretty weak in the knees at that
the catering leaves nothing to be desired either. a full 3-course sicily-style italian meal with 100% organic ingredients and beautiful basil and thyme garnishings
to set the mood afterwards jongin does what he does best
don’t tell me you didn’t see this one coming
just a chair for you, some music, and him
is this like a whole damn private concert?
he has prepared an entire setlist to thrill you with selected styles of dance
even a rendition of salsa, swing, and tango argentino
i’m telling you...
if kim jongin moves his body for you like that you’ll be fucking hooked and honored and not believe your eyes
what a feast
prepare for a serious case of dropped jaw
and jongin being an absolute daredevil dancing incrementally close to your chair
he incorporates all these little moments of skinship
where he strokes your hair, your jaw, or takes your hands
while at the same time he’s completely destroying it on the dancefloor
with those scorching hips and how he works it on the carpet right in front of you
you’re about to fucking melt
what a time to be alive
the sheer shirt’s buttons are holding onto dear life as do his pants
kai’s movements are becoming extremely ecstatic
what a fucking lapdance 2.0
men have clearly evolved otherwise this wouldn’t be happening
kai dances like a king on a stage but jongin? is god-like when he dances with just one person as the audience
shiit
and because he’s very nervous
he work particularly hard to ace it
in his mind he’s already underneath you judging by how he’s moving
...you can definitely fancy a luscious private concert each wednesday
and for designated activities in the bathroom
he even made a whole 5-hour playlist of the finest songs
so he can make you grind on top of him
don’t tell me kai isn’t the master of courting
king of effort
i don’t have to tell you that this is gonna be the most sensual night you’ve ever had
kai will get to know your body very, very well
those hips never stop do they
the fact that thursday is baekhyun day right after this?
wow aren’t you exhausted
the orgasms just seamlessly continue huh
everything goes on like that 
friday you have a toy-filled, passionate evening at the studio with mark who’s doing the most 
let’s say mark just has good ‘vibes’ indeed
this almost gets as messy as your first time with lucas
have fun cleaning up that couch, canada
what a sex marathon
if you don’t have your period
there’s always a lot of action going on 
or actually. you do catch a break for the weekend
saturday you bake delicious, pistacio and pecan-crusted sticky buns with taeyong 
who also shows you the new fledgelings that have hatched in his apartment
so adorable
sunday you endlessly make out with taemin in the sheets who has of course heard of jongin putting on a show
so he dances for you as well and even does the hands-tied criminal choreo in an especially luscious rendition (aka extra heavy breathing and grinding on the floor, and doing splits that almost rip his pants)
oh yes my love
nothing really happens afterwards you just have dinner completely flustered
if lee taemin dances, sex becomes redundant and doesn’t compare anymore
but really now
the slow burn is unbearable with him for fuck’s sake
taemin knows how to work up the seduction bit by bit
you basically masturbate all evening after returning to your house
god. what to do with this guy
on monday you ravage yukhei’s dick and get all that head 
xuxi is a chaotic fella but he keeps his promises
plus you get the best full-body massage of your life
and for the first time pull out your phone to basically livestream yourself riding him
so the whole chat can watch for five minutes
yep. you learned that courage thing from mark lee
the camera work is obviously subpar but the video definitely has maximum effect
kai and baekhyun stream their reaction right alongside your broadcast
“woah woah oh my god oh my god!!”
everyone’s freaking out, everyone stops whatever they’re doing, everyone is glued to their screens, they love your body moving
you’re having a blast 
especially when you stream another round an hour later and lucas holds the camera now
his arm is perfect for that by the way
strong and stable and high up in the air
so you can do your thing on that fat dick with a bonus of the sexiest xuxi moans ever
that deep but soft tone... yukhei really got a perfect groaning voice huh
after getting steamy for almost ten minutes, you get some great close-ups of your pussy after having yukhei pull out mid-romp
because that gape is for the gods
don’t kid yourself with a dick like that inside you’ll be opening a little wider
it looks and feels even better with lucas tracing his long fingers inside of it
with the closeup zooming in even more while he’s putting his thumb on your clit 
mmh that’s good stuff
six very shaky boys are sitting in front of their phones right now being able to look um very deeply inside of you
baekhyun is basically frozen to a statue on the reaction stream and salivates nonstop it’s just running down his neck at this point
his wettest dreams are right in front of him
stretched out pussy all juicy and swollen? baekhyun’s lifeblood. he’s seeing god 
he turns up the brightness of his phone to maximum so he can see every little detail 
remember. this guy loves to be inside of you so obsessively he wants to pay rent to live in there
so he’s appreciating an HD view of his favorite place, really deep and really pulsing and really soaked
yukhei has slathered you in lube and really pushed apart your muscles very gently, no abrasion, you relaxed so nicely around him
it’s feeling good as fuck
kai who’s watching right next to baekhyun just stares with big eyes
every injury he ever got while dancing is suddenly healed 
he’s a new man his spine has put itself together his legs are reborn
taeyong almost falls off his chair when he tunes in
he’s that bewildered
he just types a big WOW and a wall of blushing emojis
the explicit songs he’s been listening to and whatever he’s been rapping about recently are nothing in comparison to this
finally someone climbed up to taeyong’s level of nastiness
and he thought he’d never find someone on eye level
secretly he loves the nice view but he won’t admit how much
meanwhile he will rewatch this over and over for the whole week at least five times a day
and then there’s taemin
| adorable 😊🤗🎀 6v6
| can you put the camera a bit closer again 👉👈
| and turn on the flash if that’s ok 😳
| ah thank you 💟
i don’t know what taemin has seen or heard or experienced in his life and what made him this way but damn he loves that graphic shit
turning on the flash makes even yukhei’s jaw drop and rub your clit even faster
he’s damn proud he could make your pussy open up to him this way as he should be 
cuz he’s really been improving his Big Cock Techniques (BCT)
mark doesn’t write anything but he’s online and streaming so yeah he’s jerking off
with two hands
baekhyun is typing how much he loves the wet sounds and how great the fingering action is
and he’s damn right. telepathy 
that’s your favorite pervert right there yeehaw
in the meantime yukhei’s brain is empty he’s just smiling bright and enjoying the moment and the attention and your body
ten is basically next door because this is the fucking wayv dorm 
you can hear him choke on his coffee and whisper ‘oh my fucking god, oh shit’ to himself
the phone almost topples into the sheets while lucas is putting all those rubs and circles into your clit but the audio is already telling the boys to watch very closely anyway because here it comes
taeyong is probably falling apart by now given how he’s posting a couple fragmented sentences that you try to decipher on yukhei’s phone
until you get close and take up filming yourself again 
so yukhei can make a video with his own phone as well
yep that’s two cameras on you by now not just one
xuxi’s been such a steadfast babe 
and he gets to see the fruits of his work. for one, just how much of an imprint he left with his cock inside you 
and second how hard he can make you cum now
those big fingers are magic on you
taemin gets all the closeups he ever needed from your camera because you hit the zoom even more
yukhei starts kissing you twice
not as carefully as he often would
it’s the really wet and passionate version this time
he films your lower faces as good as he can
those big fucking lips 
they never fail to make you get the hots
they’re really made to do all this are they
his tongue nips into you with extra saliva on board
you suck it into your own mouth and mix it with yours, and gather some more
and slip your tongue above his in return
yukhei makes sure you can hear him swallowing all that warm runny spit and moans into your mouth
guess who just blew one big juicy load into the condom
and he’s not even inside of you
jesus christ yukhei
looks like french kissing is his orgasm button 
you start sucking on his tongue when it slides back between your lips and you make them really tight and puckering
the noise is so delicious
yukhei shoots the rest of his semen into the condom
you go even harder on him, the kiss gets really deep
kai and baekhyun are literally jumping up and down on their beds by now
taemin and mark are sending star-eyed emojis
ten is definitely beating the meat next door
yukhei’s hand is massaging incessantly between your legs
he makes you feel. so. good.
when he retreats from the kiss you’re ready
you can hardly keep the phone stable in your palm
yukhei also points his camera back at your pussy again
and makes sure to catch every contraction
you know an orgasm is good when you’re going all “oh... ohh...”
even taeyong goes online to stream his reaction because you cum so beautifully
he’s actually crying and can’t close his mouth he can’t believe what he’s seeing
your pussy lips are so sloppy and stretched apart and twitching and you make sure the camera catches every bit
it takes almost half a minute until your muscles calm
you tell yukhei to clean it up with those plump lips of his
baekhyun and taemin are violently agreeing with thousands of “YESS EAT UP!!!” and “yes!! 😊♥︎🌹” text bubbles in the chat
your guys are so cute do you realize that
in order to have both hands free, lucas ends his video, puts his phone aside, and is already licking you up like a whole bowl of whipped cream
you keep on streaming on your own phone and brush the hair out of his face
the best part is catching yukhei’s tongue winding between your lips and then spoiling your pussy with big kisses very very slowly as not to overstimulate you
he’s such a fast learner he’s doing it really well
once you’re satisfied and cool off, you stroke the back of his neck and his favorite boyfriend duties are officially on pause
so he can go to pull off the condom and clean himself up, and get ready for bed after a quick mini snack
while you blow kisses into the camera, flirt with all your babes while they flirt back and even bow to you
and film your pussy all swollen and licked up but slowly closing a little bit again, ever so slightly
ten sends two little black hearts and a little “that was the most amazing thing i’ve ever seen thank you 😽”
you make sure taemin gets an extra close view of your clit and taeyong is making high-pitched squealing noises in his reaction video stream
mark goes like “yea that’s the spot!”
kai has joined baekhyun with the mouth and saliva action, they’re both licking their lips all over the place and make lewd lusty faces
they’re literally sucking and eyefucking your pussy through the camera bitch they want it so goddamn bad
oh to have their mouths on you right now to come down from your high and chill
you tell everyone how much you miss them and how badly you want them to be here
and how you want to feel all of them all over, on your skin and inside you
the chat is full of yearning and horny crying emojis now
yukhei helps you clean up the rest while you text how it felt with mark and baekhyun because they wanna know more
you talk about how yukhei’s girth is always rubbing that one spot inside and his breathing changes when it does
and you say you really loved their reactions
the members promise to be careful and discrete when they re-watch the stream and ten also says that if you don’t want it to stay in the chat some day you should never hesitate to delete it
you say no problem boys you should know me inside out, just remember to use head-phones when yukhei starts slurping at the 01:27 min mark
taeyong and mark are losing it at your puns
then you have a glass of water taller than yukhei’s dick and basically dance to the bathroom
lucas talks to the boys with his big ole smile in his pyjamas while you’re busy
oh god he is so shy
but very very blissed out. it really takes only two things to make this man happy. big plates, twitchy pussy.
a truly simple man. you like that
kai is definitely evolving from his teasing yukhei agenda in the meantime
he is sending thumbs up emojis instead of raised eyebrow ones
you lay down in xuxi’s big embrace and say goodnight to your boys
yukhei buries his nose in your hair, and kisses you on the forehead so innocently, taeyong melts in his little video square on screen
taemin is a big fan as well
he’s living true to his “explicit shit and romance” life motto isn’t he
you ask if everyone was enjoying themselves
big positive reactions all over the chat
you coo how you adore them all so much and want more of things like this where everyone is involved
eight people are going to bed very happy today
yukhei waves and baekhyun goes offline as well, as does taeyong who’s beaming
end stream
it was a masterpiece
that mark needs to recover from the very most, his entire bed is full of used tissues
and basically
over the next few hours the chat is losing their minds over and over again
everyone can’t stop gushing and telling you what their favorite part was
kai says how turned on you were was making him hard all night
ten enjoyed the wild kissing part and how wet everything was
naughty boy taemin keeps on talking about how — i quote — your insides are the best ever!! while sending flower emojis
your stream has unleashed a gigaton of sexual energy
and that basically goes on and on
until tuesday arrives
oof 
today’s the day
you know that ten is up to something 
except the little hearts and kiss comment
he hasn’t written much in the chat
oh shit oh shit what is he planning
he truly is a pisces
you know that some epic stuff is about to go down since the cats are with yangyang 
and — what
there’s a large canvas in his room with a piece of cloth to cover it
lord have mercy
he’s bringing the big guns
ten will even hold a little speech on how he got inspiration two weeks ago
only to proceed to unveil the art very shyly
it’s an elaborate pencil drawing standing about as tall as him
immaculately sketched in a realistic way
have a guess what he’s been drawing
exactly right it’s an erotic depiction of you
laying on your back, thighs spread, head thrown back
and to make it mysterious you see more of the legs rather than the crotch area
so whatever or who is giving you pleasure is entirely up to you to imagine to your liking
it’s more about how the person he drew feels lust rather than the onlooker. he drew this for your own enjoyment
he did that very cleverly and classily 
this canvas will be your utmost treasure and get such an intimate spot in your home
it doesn’t take very long until you’re mounting him and get those hips moving in a circle
ten is just full of surprises
you ask if you can photograph the drawing and upload it to the chat
ten is like ohhh!
but why not, now that he thinks about it. he secretly likes praise and visibility for his drawings so much
the post is definitely a success 
lots of exclamation marks and reaction memes for three hours straight
but who would’ve thought otherwise
ten is just massively talented, always on point
and hits the right nerve with his line of work
as your pussy can attest
yukhei is gonna tease in the chat that he heard you in the dorm and that it sounded mega hot wink wink wink
ten writes:
| my tongue hurts 
| let’s do it again next week
| i feel inspired to draw more as well
the chat explodes with hype for another two hours
multiple members come up with their own artistic takes on you
on wednesday kai presents a feral dance he choreographed for the whole morning. showing a representation of what you are to him and what he feels for you
very beautiful
on thursday baekhyun gifts you a deliberately humorous doodle titled mochi mama in the style of i dunno, probably picasso on crack
you have not seen anything like it
it’s gonna make you laugh in sad hours for many days to come
talk about come
baekhyun will have his hands busy in and on you all night
he wants to feel mama mochi and please you and make you smile
try not to climax challenge: failed several times
on friday mark blasts a song he wrote about you as soon as you put your hand bag down in the studio
100% of the lyrics are about how sexy and charming and special you are to him and how infatuated he is and how much he thinks about you all the time and how much you knock him off his feet, and how he has the biggest hots for you, jesus christ
that mark lee canada flow wants to make you fucking nut right then and there
the fandom just got his lit mixtape and he’s already working on another one i guess he sure has enough nsfw inspiration for it
all the more reasons to cum hard on his dick tonight
and make sweet love to that sexy body because mark lee isn’t the only one with the hots
then comes saturday
taeyong day
the tension is rising
you’re at his place
the sweet boo comes to put some chirping fledgelings into a towel on your lap as usual
there’s a big crispy lasagna baking in the oven, dripping with cheese and sauce with the most full-bodied herbal mix ever
damn tasty 
gordon ramsay would rate this particularly well on twitter
honestly man
we all know gordon ramsey would like taeyong’s dishes
the evening passes as it always does
so he didn’t jump on the bandwagon that’s interesting
it’s almost as if the stream didn’t happen or anything
just as you expected
taeyong doing his own thing and being just very consistent makes him so sexy and desirable to you it’s hard to explain
you just like his style of going about things you know
he’s very receptive to your impulses
you figure it’s up to you to make some steps
so when he opens the fridge to pull out a self-made, perfectly swirly vanilla-chocolate vortex pudding that’s just at the right temperature, you can’t help but hit on him like the world is ending 
but as you learned from taeyong’s example: your way
you ask him to open his mouth and maneuver spoon after spoon of pudding into it for him to deliciously savor it
giving him compliments on always making your day along with that
that bowl is empty very fast my loves
and taeyong very happy
oh yeah he was enjoying that
with his eyes closed
oh fuck
the sexual tension could rip the air in half like a mark verse
you decide to sit down on his lap all nonchalant and finish your own pudding... more than suggestively
taeyong is basically holding his breath at this point he’s a puddle
you tell him he can put his hands on your waist if he wants to
no answer needed his fingers are already on their way
you can hear how his heart is approaching a techno music BPM
at this point all you can do anymore is lean in to whisper if he likes to go to the bedroom with you
he can keep the apron on
taeyong tastes deliciously of pudding aye
you roll around in the sheets kissing so heavily
this is pure indulging you just feel how you’re sleeping with a chef
who happens to have the veiniest dick of all time
you’re definitely filled up well
sliding up and down on him deliciously for twenty minutes
really slowly and hugging each other tightly
and saying romantic things
that’s the good life
by the end of the evening the group chat gets a picture of taeyong’s world class lasagna 
and a ‘very random’ shaky picture of your hand in his hair
which baekhyun instantly comments as:
“now tyong knows how great you taste as well 🤓😁🤗“
yukhei agrees wholeheartedly and ten starts making baby don’t stop puns
kai is totally in love with the quality food 
baekhyun voices his interest in making more pictures of that kind with you. you know, hand in the hair, no big deal
kai says hurry up with it hyung, all the hair dye makes you balder every minute
baekhyun reprises his doodling and now draws a couple
it’s mama mochi with byun baldhyun
“this will be the next selca“
glorious
you’re having a damn good time
but later you feel something is going on
the whole week passes and taeyong seems to be brooding
next saturday he has a hard time expressing himself when he comes to your home 
you ask if he’s not comfortable having more sex or if he struggles with the relationship setup
taeyong says it’s not that but can’t explain any further
you go on a whim and ask if it’s a confession he has on his mind
bingo
“taeyong... if you think i’ll judge you for something. remember we’re only doing this since a couple weeks. it’s hard to know how the person really reacts if you don’t know each other inside out“
he is still hesitant
you ask him if it’s something taboo
“yeah...”
you thought so. taeyong is the least basic person you know along with taemin
guess why these two are saved for last my dear readers
you tell him that how he’s in his own lane is what you appreciate him for in the first place, it’s why you’re here with him, you love your duckling chef so much
if he wants a different kind of sex that’s perfectly him
he looks relieved and understood hearing that
and confesses that yeah... he wants to go a little kinkier with you
now you know why taeyong was acting with so much restraint
and put all of his feelings and sensuality into food pretty much
in fact the kinky sex has already started whether you noticed or not
indirectly. as in, the dynamic
truth is he wants to be a service sub
oh yeah lemme introduce you to some new things
service subs like to really cater to their dominants and fulfill their every wish not just in bed, but around the house as well
and there’s even more to it as you will soon discover talking to him about it
an apron is only the start
in case you have been living under a rock
taeyong’s duality is nuts 
he’s a completely shy mega pervert
it’s not a secret that this guy wants hardcore bdsm torture sex
you letting all that aggression loose on him for fucking sport
and being cold to him
with a bit of soft domme action as the perfect balance 
yep 
he wants you to take him out and take care of him at the same time
he’s perfectly aware he’s among the freakier and more deprived members
even ten is just casually freaky and just open for a lot of things. taeyong is deliberate
and pretty deep in the femdom community as far as his browser history is concerned
we all know assertive partners are his thing
but he’s afraid he’ll get you into something that’s a lot of responsibility
you say mister i’m familiar with your interests 
my dear you never made them hard to guess
you tell him it’s no problem for you to give it to him raw
you’ll be doing disgusting things to him that sexy face will straight up drown 
did you know?
our dear boy taeyong loves it when you spit in his mouth and do virgin roleplay
if he asks you to break him don’t be surprised
he wants to release control completely
he goes by all the rules
and i guarantee. when he comes along your dominatrix mood is gonna skyrocket he just brings that shit out in people
his mere naked body is just... how not to go nuts on him how he wants it
long story short tied up taeyong head to toe ends up immortalized as a vertical photograph
the group chat is overwhelming your notifs with wide-eyed emojis and all caps
amping up the game a little more each day are we
without even trying. hell, this just happened
where this is going is gonna be fun
sunday goes down with you grinding yourself all over taemin but you’re both clothed
you grab the back of his neck to lean in for kisses over and over and over
yes kisses are key
if not the favorite thing he does
let this sink in. if taemin overwhelms a little kitty with a hundred thousand smooches, just how kissy is this guy gonna be 
and have fun teasing his erection through his pants
lee taemin a squirmy mess? hell yeah
in classic fashion he will spend the most time of the evening on his knees getting slapped around in several blindfolds, harnesses, and wrist ties
his fantasy finally came true
i repeat what taemin has been dreaming of is reality
thank god for taeyong having you second guess his private tastes. otherwise you would not be on your dom grind now
taemin even goes as far as ordering lingerie for your encounters — to wear himself because he’s taemin
satin and silk blouses he already has in his wardrobe so there’s no shortage
i don’t have to tell you that you can spend hours grinding on his cock in a room full of candles while taemin is in head-to-toe bondage
that’s his idea of a good time and hell you are really treated to perfect eye candy, taemin’s hotness will bring your pleasure to a new level
the group chat will definitely love your photography taken from your sessions
taemin is just an utter no-compromise kinda man to make kinky love with. everything is planned he’s never settling for less than a perfect evening
where both of you really experience the ultimate satisfaction from treating your bodies to the best of clothes and toys and scenarios
give me an amen for taemin being your sunday guy because this legend of a man is your personal church
and his discography is the bible
and cum play is the baptizing my friend
so yeah huh
every day you can look forward to. monday to sunday
and not a day goes by without someone in the chat reminiscing the steamy video you did with lucas
you end up repeating what you wished that day
for everyone to be with you
so you could feel all of them 
and you say maybe it’s time to arrange something 
you’ve gotten to know each of them personally and intimately by now
and integrated them into your personal life
hell when you wake up the first thing you see is ten’s drawing across your bed
or baekhyun’s funny mama mochi art on your phone background
and you start your day literally selecting from a pile of taeyong’s freshly washed and ironed clothing stacks in your wardrobe
sitting at your breakfast table with a bouquet of flowers that kai and jongin brought you
eating food you bought together with lucas
listening to music that mark made especially for you
they’re all in your life together so it’s the right time to make some heated love together
the chat is all down you don’t even have to ask any further
baekhyun volunteers to go about his leader duty to organize the best possible venue and best possible date
cause with superm things do go 100
he asks what kind of atmosphere you have in mind
you say hard and nasty and kinky
which will definitely make the chat interested
and baekhyun was about to rent a huge modern art penthouse in gangnam
you say no need to go that expensive. you just need a large bed, no paparazzi, and an area where you can be loud. sculptures you could care less about
you have yukhei on your team, so that’s a living sculpture already 
it needs a safe haven essentially, with a dark and lusty atmosphere would be so nice
ten steps in saying he has the exact spot you’re looking for 
he has a friend who runs a declining night club in the suburbs, with some pretty attractive and grungy backrooms with plenty of space to fuck
yeah a club is exactly what you’re looking for that’s a good idea
it’s closed on monday so baekhyun and ten arrange a rental just then
of course way in the evening
with the guarantee of nobody else around
baekhyun knows how this rigged game rolls he says they need the club to perform a dance practice, overnight stay, and shooting a music video
which is only a half-lie
not “hey we are super m planning an orgy wanna invite dispatch and tell lee soo man”
regardless ten’s friend is pretty chill and indifferent anyways
and baekhyun’s money is doing the talk
you’ll be guaranteed to be left by yourself
monday evening it is. 
you already have a whole bunch of fantasies to let loose on your boys
and put it all in the chat
yo it’s called brainstorming and it sure has brain in it
you discuss
and it goes down next week 
you encouraged the members to wear what they feel best in, no dress code, no comparison thinking. you want to meet them like you got to know them, each in their favorite expression
taeyong dons a mass onslaught of fetish gear underneath a trench coat, including a fancy collar, lots of hairspray
and latex gloves. shit he’s a freak
baekhyun puts on the coziest clothes he finds and his smol sneakers but they are secretly expensive, his hair is curly and big, he put on a nice scent
kai can’t help but go black suit and lace underneath, you know him
bleach blonde yukhei gets out the tight white tee and smug jeans
creative genius ten goes all out designing his own fashion (!) with paint, he puts on sexy af glasses and goes for his signature ‘cleavage down to the belly’ look underneath a bomber jacket
mark goes for a casual suit but make it swag, with a sleeveless top underneath, yeah those mark arms go crazy 
taemin — picks his most dazzling silver outfit that looks like a rendition of mermaid scales, pointed shoes, princely hair, famous i’m so fabulous
and it’s already starting out sexy in the car before you even arrive 
because this is all gonna be glorious from the first second to the last
baekhyun and kai will do the driving
you have not one but two classy and sexy chauffeurs you hear me
yeah in their shiny black german cars with those sleek comfortable seats
baekhyun, taeyong, ten and lucas are a team
and then you get kai, mark, and taemin, including your group luggage because such a trip needs a lot of things to pack trust me
you’re with team kai on the way to the club and with team baekhyun the way back 
it’s already lit and steamy on your way there
nothing better than getting in the mood held by the greek god arms of none other than lee taemin with mark lee assisting
you’re entirely wrapped up in kissing taemin so passionately, his tongue melts into your mouth like the finest chocolate
thinking about how you were making out last week gets you going even more
as does feeling up his bulge, ugh taemin is so sensual
mark sitting on your other side being eager to attend to your thighs, your waist, your back, your hands, your hair, your stomach
yep
yukhei has been telling him about the wonders of a whole-body massage since you like it so much
mark gets his hands all over you to provide a sexy caress and wow he’s doing it well, giving everything the perfect kind of attention, always asking if you want more of this or more of that
mark loves everything about you and he knows how to make your anticipation become even more intense by dedicating time to all areas generously
you feel like he’s worshipping you head to toe
it’s the way to get turned on
mark has great soft hands and knows your best spots by now
that’s exactly why it was a good idea to sleep with the members individually at first
you could figure it all out in detail and each member could show their style of doing things, and you could teach them
mark has become an expert in skinship
while he’s kissing into your neck whispering revering things to you nobody else would understand
they’re intimate, spicy details from your studio lessons
with a romantic twist even because mark is giving you his entire arsenal, the entire palette
“i’ve been thinking about you so often...”
with jongin driving carefully and taking the lesser frequented roads 
kai is really keeping it together
the maknae backseat party is faithfully photographed by mark who sends it to the other team after taemin and you select the best shots, giggling
your favorite is a bird’s view of your cleavage with taemin kissing right between your breasts, slightly below the sternum
his hair is softly splayed over the area
taeyong and ten reply with heart eyes in the chat
on you go kissing and touching
taemin is so gentle with you and easily accepts your wild licks and bites, leans his head back so you have perfect access to his neck
by the time you arrive at the club’s back entrance, he’s marked up and his lips are mighty used
ruined neck, ruined mouth
taemin’s favorite two accessories to walk into a club with 
including a hard-on
with mark and kai strutting right after, chewing mints
...both getting hard themselves because mark loves your body and jongin has very good ears when it comes to picking up things that happen in the back of his car
and this bitch got a raging libido, so
the best part is everything is prepared
the other team already parked their car there earlier
ten had the keys to every needed lock, showed everyone around, and then baekhyun went into organization overdrive
this is the first time he didn’t clown around to distract from work since debut
if baekhyun ever means serious business... wow
your best boy taeyong has located the perfect backroom that’s shaded inside and neon-lit from the outside
the window’s aren’t particularly low-sitting so that’s a privacy plus
there’s a huge white extra oversized bed with some more great furniture and a sofa landscape
he desinfected everything to a T
and pulled out every utensil you might need from a large black bag
he walked in like he just commited a bank robbery but in reality there’s cutesy pink rope in the bag
oh well
classic taeyong
yukhei sorted and handed out the condoms plus water bottles for everyone
he’s the expert for the basics don’t come at him he’s doing a great job
after you reminding everyone of the safeword 
taemin sits down with you on the bed and you keep kissing
keeping up the flow right there
//
you beckon your lil’ adorable mochi who’s been dying for skinship
baekhyun is so turned on he wastes no time joining
still fully clothed while the other members are about to undress
you actually like baekhyun huddling up against you in his oversized hoodie it’s cute
so hey, change in plans
everyone ditches the protocol and climbs on the bed only without their shoes 
lot of ties and belts to pull them closer to you
you bring all of them together on the bed now
the feeling of having everyone around you is so electrifying, you have to distance from taemin’s seductive lips not to get some kind of adrenaline overdose
jesus this guy is trying to soak your pants like baekhyun forgot to turn off the shower
you get to enjoy five minutes of relaxed massaging from all sides to cool everything down a little
baekhyun and yukhei alternate with kissing you
yum
big plush lips plus a horny tongue
that’s a good combination
kai is definitely setting the pace of how to massage you, and how to move the body while doing so, and what expressions to make 
instead of sitting there awkwardly staring into space
remember? master of courting — that’s kim jongin
even baekhyun follows his example a bit
you’re entering cloud 9 from that whole-body massage
you can tell they’re all dancers. there’s rhythm involved
having the seven of them attend to you at the same time just hits different
that are 14 hands
70 fingers
all in sync with kai’s physical ideas, carefully yet purposefully kneading and stroking 
kai also helps everyone find a good area and makes sure everyone stays away from any precarious or sexy zones
because you’d probably get off from that in the matter of a blink
to be honest you’re already feeling heated you can’t help it
but that’s a good sign you’re definitely feeling this 
and there’s not a single limp dick in this room at this point already
baekhyun being the best people reader all over again manages a seamless transition to some water drinking
so everyone is ready to go
you wish you could do everything at once but decide to get a load of some slow body rolls against you because hell yeah
courting expert kai is sure to oblige, dance god taemin joins right in, and ten completes the holy trinity and hell does he go off
photographer mark on duty again. this moment has to be captured
baekhyun does his mood management magic and encourages ten and taemin to let out their little sounds more
kai he doesn’t have to tell
nor you because you’re already moaning
shit these guys are just too good
these bodies are machines
again bless your xuxi workout sessions
you wouldn’t keep up otherwise
you curse them because your pussy feels creamy way too early
switching to grinding on their bulges is not a better idea because it’s making you even hornier but anyway it’s your favorite activity
yukhei takes time and some effort to get fully hard so that’s a grateful job now
because you can gather yourself
you resort to using your cleavage to stop turning yourself on completely
and then your hands to palm his pants because that’s even more inconspicuous
group sex with superm? hardest early orgasm avoidance challenge EVER
is there some kind of legally accessible viagra for women
there’s no way you could turn yourself off help
you either get the first orgasm out of the way or keep it together to have some suspense in here and see the boys work hard
the decision is clear
time to bring out the toys that taeyong assembled on a table
baekhyun, taemin taeyong and ten are in the down to get tied up in various ways
lucas and kai get blindfolded and get a sexy task from you
slowly humping the mattress just for your viewing pleasure
topless for that matter
no need to ask twice there they go
photographer mark stays free and flexible. it’s always good to have someone outside bondage just in case with such a big group
anyway so you will be busy for sure
the rest of the boys strip down to only their briefs and get a good dose of spanking
ten is definitely moaning the loudest there
taeyong ends up with tied wrists in a prayer position and has his fun getting slapped around by you 
until he’s breathless and smiling to himself with his tongue hanging out
someone got his daily meal of smacking
taemin highly approves 
nobody’s surprised
baekhyun gets a quick and simple upper body rope harness that’s very easy to grip him by
and just to tease him you add some nipple pinches
result: loud baekhyun noises
cute as hell
so that’s how he’s been training himself to reach all those high notes
interesting
taemin, completely naked, has his hands and ankles tied, looking so beautiful all helpless and his cock itching for stimulation
and because taemin’s strange ‘artistic’ kidnapping fantasies that he never stops talking about cannot be ignored he gets a mouth gag for good measure
you know you just roll with their ideas
he’s a simple man that’s all he needs
you decide to put a bigger bondage piece on ten who ends up in a hogtie aka his new favorite place to be in
if there’s one guy who’s flexible like that it’s him
let’s see for how long he can take it
ten likes a challenge
you tell mark exactly what kind of pictures you want of your tied darlings and he’s well-engaged with that task
baekhyun is clinging to you a lot in the meantime
he gets kisses on the mouth 
and your open ear 
because you can tell there’s something on his mind
or rather
his ass is telling him something after you activated it with spanks huh
what does baekhyun want?
baekhyun wants the strap
and the strap he shall get
his time has come
this time the safeword won’t do so tapping yukhei’s thigh is the deal
taeyong’s kinky tool collection has a nice and thick equipment to offer, jet black black straps, jet black dildo, like it’s some kind of secret agent gear
it takes a lot of lube to get it into baekhyun’s tight and tiny ass but what’s new 
he’s not the gaping expert 
and way too busy laughing at the members’ reaction faces so his damn asshole is contracting god dammit
what a brat
next time he gets a toy for prep
only when you grab him by the harness and get into a rhythm, baekhyun throws it back
good boy
kai and xuxi are allowed to take off their blindfolds now because you have a task for them
taeyong’s toy collection features one extra long double-ended dildo, transparent and neither too slim nor too wide
if baekhyun doesn’t have that thing inside his throat i don’t know who
this shit is made for him
and you can tell he’s salivating for that
you tell yukhei to use those big hands to keep baekhyun’s head steady
and oh wonder, his long fingers enclose it perfectly
kai gets to go hard on baekhyun and fulfill his lifetime fantasy that he has had for over a decade now and jerks off to every night:
baekhyun not talking
so while baekhyun’s ass is getting properly stuffed
so is his mouth
kai has no qualms squeezing the toy into baekhyun’s throat a little more roughly
those are some pretty intense choking noises
mark steadily hits the snapshot button
some people go to pound town
baekhyun goes to silicon valley
kai is not afraid to push that thing as far as it can physically go
you’re pleased with how he’s doing it
and with baekhyun’s blowjob abilities anyway
is there a better throat in this industry? probably not 
he’s pretty surprised himself with how much he can take it
that poor ass is getting more than it can handle in the meantime, baekhyun is throbbing and whining
little did you know his prostate is so sensitive and makes his dick leak
such a shame you fully exploit that
you tell yukhei to have baekhyun move his head on his own to get into the rhythm
and get taeyong over to suck on the other end of the toy because oh yeah
let me just say these two are amazing
god bless sm entertainment 
not for any executive decisions
but for their uncanny ability to attract and assemble all the subs
lee taeyong giving head like the rent is due is a sight you need in your life
like everything, he does it roughly and properly
baekhyun is barely even sucking anymore just straight up gagging and seeing stars
because uh-oh here comes a big fat prostate orgasm
mark is clever enough to hit record on his phone
and capture a shaking baekhyun travelling through a whole bunch of universes, at least in his mind 
because that’s how strong his climax is
all he can say is thank you mama mochi and recover from this on his back
kai is satisfied with the result as well because baekhyun managed to not say anything for fifteen minutes
kai never had this much silence in his life
taeyong is still not done sucking the toy off and you let him
never step between a man and his favorite dildo
lucas takes up the task of untying ten who wants to share the other end that’s free now
and mark hands over the camera to kai who films just that
which also means mark is in the mood for you
about time to get some dick
and have taemin watch right next to you
being able to delight in mark’s wonderful technique
doggystyle
which ends up in kai joining 
which causes yukhei to join
and baekhyun to film 
the three are literally queueing while waiting for their turn
you tell them when to pull out and let the other member have you
until mark is riddled with so much suspension, the fifth thrust on his turn ends up in an unexpected hard climax
“oh my god oh my god!“
obviously kai will let loose now and cum as well, accompanied by really breathy groans
yukhei takes his time to make you moan which gives both taeyong and taemin a good show and an untouched orgasm
eventually you get to hear lucas growling his soul out
and kai bickering to pull out already
because it’s time for buffet
after getting rid of his condom, mark has been untying the very resilient ten who’s been in prawn bondage for like half an hour and five minutes now
respect
he and baekhyun team up to eat you out
yeah prepare for a dream team
while mark and kai chill on the other side of the bed
lucas on the other hand still doesn’t have enough and ends up licking your legs with his cock firmly palmed in those big hands
baekhyun and ten are doing the most meanwhile, lapping you up all sloppy
the job of the cameraman goes to a wild taemin who’s undone his safety hook 
he can’t stand this shit anymore he has to join the action instead of lying around in ropes
jeez the guy has the fun of his life playing with filters
silently giggling to himself
until kai finds out that taemin has been putting cat ears on ten and cowboy hats on lucas
kai confiscates the phone from naughty taem and decides to take up that task himself
so taemin can eat you out himself now
alright there are three heads bumping each other between your legs now
and yukhei close-by, currently nibbling at your outer thighs
can you imagine how crowded and crammed that is
you tell mark to get taeyong out of his ties as well
if you’re gonna cum he has to join the party as well
and he will not hesitate my friend
taeyong’s kinky tongue (which can make all kinds of completely unprecedented moves and slurping noises) riles up the other three to put all their effort into this
you order baekhyun and ten to line you left and right of your hips, fingering you from there
and let both taeyong and taemin get you to the point with their tongues at the same time
it’s a busy day innit
the reason is that baekhyun and ten didn’t come but you plan to change that with some dual handjob
baekhyun lets out some pretty hoarse panting noises
(yeah jongin destroyed him with that toy in his mouth for real)
once your hands grip onto their erections, almost automatically baekhyun’s fingers start going crazy on your clit and ten goes mad with his thumb right next to it
yeah he’s kept his rings on this is gonna be a sexy sight
mark and kai retire from their pillows to join at your request
mark kissing you, jongin sucking on your breasts
from this point on things are pretty much just a daze
two tongues two hands? oh shit
four people are trying to make you cum what did you expect
and three other people are licking you all over
yukhei doesn’t even care at this point he’s just straight up kissing your feet
ten is silently groaning it out, he’s pouring his seed into the condom with little twitches in the hip and shoulders
taeyong’s tongue is gonna finish you off, taemin’s lips will make you feel so good, your legs will be a shaking mess in yukhei’s hands
how to even describe this
it’s an explosion of heat and contractions
you’re going fucking crazy from all that head and tongue action god damn
mark definitely has to swallow a lot of your moans all over the place
and taeyong
also swallows
what a god-loving man
your pussy is leaking enough to feed baekhyun as well
who still strokes himself off while he’s cleaning you up with his mouth, oh boy he really developed a lot of stamina
you have your fun telling him to stop jerking himself off
so his orgasm ends up being ruined
those always mess him up
always a nice sight to have him shaking and whining and gasping
you have to roll over at some point before getting overstimulated
phew that takes quite a couple of deliberate breaths
now you have seven hot guys with sopping wet mouths on your hands, looking at you exhausted and infatuated
that’s super m for you
yukhei, man for the basics he is, hands out towels
you really gotta say he’s kept a clear head in all of this except maybe the sudden foot fetish reveal
of course taeyong towels himself down the most he’s basically covered himself with anything he could get his hands on
that face is dripping like his saturday evening lasagnas 
you help clean mark who kinda lost his mind and heart while kissing you, he needs your care a little more now
baekhyun soon snaps back into organization mode and has the brilliant idea to unpack xuxi’s and jongin’s luggage
to have everyone wearing their gigantic hoodies and sweaters
it’s warm in the room anyway but this feels so much cozier
after going to the bathroom
a ball of cuddly guys is snuggled up all aroud you faster than you can think
mark and taeyong are already sleeping they really knocked themselves out
champs
kai finds the completely forgotten phone somewhere in the sheets and turns off what seems to be a 50 minutes video
that’s gonna be fun to watch some time
baekhyun nuzzles himself to sleep against your sweater, right between your breasts
“mochi mama thank...” are his last words before he drifts off to pineapple pizza land or whatever dreamscape is in his head
probably something much dirtier but anyway
lucas and kai steal kisses from you and go off to sort out the room
jesus christ they still have the energy
taeyong’s nasty lil’ toy collection gets cleaned and reassembled, the ropes get coiled up, the towels wander into a washing machine in the other room
whose steady bumping lulls the rest of you to sleep
while taemin, epitome of taste he is, plays his best of hits on low volume with his phone
dozing off between seven guys while “heaven” is playing? 
best thing ever
the rest is history. you’re surrounded by sleepy cuddly sweater men
you actually sleep for a couple hours
dawntime you wake up cozied and sandwiched between yukhei’s tiddies and jongin’s back
which is the most protected, snug place on earth
even a nuclear superweapon couldn’t explode past that spot
they’re fast asleep
giant baby and teddy bear
safeguarding you in unison
ain’t they adorable
baekhyun is awake silently doing pilates, smiling cutely at you when he sees you’re awake, and he gets a big load of kisses i’m telling you
miraculously everything is tidy and smells fresh, and there’s a light soup in the air...
... lee taeyong got up at 6:30.
he was a whirlwind
the group gets to enjoy a 3-course classic korean breakfast 
because taeyong found the club kitchen
what kind of godly entity is this man
how did he do all of this
the club is the cleanest it’s ever been
taking care of 24 people is probably so difficult, this is actually easy to him
you depart in a good mood because damn that soup was restaurant quality and baekhyun had the idea to give you morning head to which everyone joined in
good thing the club has showers
baekhyun is still horny as hell and you want that D(elight) any time of the day 
so you fuck for a bunch of minutes in his car after dropping off the team and they giving you playful winks
you park the car behind xiumin’s house because that’s the most calm place to be
people are sleeping on xiumnin so hard, no paparazzi are around, ever
baekhyun settles there with you smiling
he didn’t sing “get you alone” with no reason
baekhyun needs that one-on-one time with you to ground himself and love you all over again big time
plus you are dying to cum bouncing on him on the driver’s seat 
while he is desperately gripping the steering wheel to have something solid to hold onto
yeah baekhyun is always ready to lose it for ya
it’s literally such a good spot to fuck
he’s strapped in all underneath you and you can see him squirm and get heart eyes from up close
you also love how your thighs meet the fabric of his pants
baekhyun’s tiny lap is already worth a huge nut you love grinding on him
those shapely thighs
with his cock peaking out from underneath his sweater
what his morning head tongue can do, his dick can do twice with ease so time for round two today
glad you have your bag with some utensils
you’re generous with lube on the condom
in fact you love spilling it over his pants a little
it looks like you’ve been squirting on him that’s why
baekhyun is down for your pervy imaginations
and gets even harder
not bad lil’ guy
time to make him moan with the grip of your walls
mochi breathes pretty hard because damn... more dick destruction
you love burying your hands in his sweater at the shoulders and just fucking ride
his hair gets messy, his bedroom gaze is so intense
his ass still hurts from yesterday but it seems to turn him own judging by the high-pitched groans and his begs for you to bounce on him harder
no problem his dick is just made to be ridden
if this wasn’t a high-tech car from the future with carbon and whatnot anybody could hear baekhyun’s um ‘vocals’ from the outside
this is so much fun oh my god
baekhyun releases with his eyes shut and teeth pressed together, his nose is all scrunched up
jesus this one got to him
he drives you to his home with his fingers shaking a little on the steering wheel
literally tapping like they do in his microphone on stage
yep this shook him up
and insatiable byun is now satisfied byun
nothing better than knowing you ruined your cupcake boyfriend in the best of ways
back at his apartment and after some extra carbo hydrate heavy food, as a pre-nap treat you grind on his thighs and his ass because why not
and gyrate him to sleep with his arms and legs stretched in all directions
both of you are still in disbelief that all of this happened
legend has it you’re dreaming of more group sex ideas that night
the next day taemin sends the champagne video to celebrate your first time together
which brings us back to the start
and that’s how it all happened
now you know
congrats on being a lucky girl
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related: super m as subs
FINAL NOTE. ah shit i love this dynamic, thank you for reading 🎊
© 2017-2021 submissive-bangtan. all rights reserved. no reposts or translations allowed. all depictions fictional.
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omoi-no-hoka · 4 years
Note
A friend told me that when a native Japanese comments on your Nihongo speaking by saying きれいな言葉 (kirei na kotoba), it's not really a compliment and is contrary to what the phrase literally means. If this phrase is directed to someone, what's the most polite reaction/action that the person should have/do next?
Hmm. This is a very interesting ask. I wonder if your friend is a Japanese person or a non-native speaker, because it’s not a compliment I’ve heard much. To be honest, receiving praise about my Japanese is a huge pet peeve of mine, so I’d like to delve into this topic a little bit. Let me talk about why they praise us even when all we say is a simple “arigatou,” and then how you can respond to that praise.
Note: You will see me refer to “foreigners” (a.k.a. “Non-Japanese people) as “gaijin” in this article. “Gaijin” (外人) is a truncated version of “gaikokujin” 外国人 (a person from outside of Japan). By removing the middle “koku” (country), we are left with the word gaijin, which literally translates to “outsider.”
Some people see this as an offensive term, and I am one of them. So when I use the word “gaijin,” I do it order to highlight how foreigners are truly viewed as “outsiders” in certain circumstances by certain Japanese people. 
Note 2: You are WAY more likely to receive praise if you clearly do not look Japanese. This post is told from my perspective, a girl so white she freaking glows in the dark.
Stereotypes of Gaijin Held by Japanese People
If you go to Japan and try to use Japanese, no matter how fluent or non-fluent you are, you will be complimented on your Nihongo by Japanese strangers. Japanese people are very quick to give compliments even if all you say is a simple “arigatou gozaimasu.” As a people they are polite and complimentary, and they appreciate even small gestures like you taking the time to learn “arigatou” even though you’re a tourist, for example. Some of these compliments are sincere, and other times they say it because even if your Japanese isn’t good, at least you’re trying, and they appreciate the effort. 
There are quite a few TV shows in Japan that capitalize on gaijin in Japan, such as “YOU wa nani shi ni Nippon he?” (Why did YOU come to Japan?) in which they scavenge for interesting gaijin at airports and follow them on their trips. (I was once picked up for this show, but when I was like, “Yo I’m just going back home to Hokkaido and starting up work tomorrow,” they were like, “oh, you are not the gaijin image that we want to show Japan” and ditched me lol.)
Basically, most of these shows like to capitalize on a very particular image of gaijin:
They cannot speak Japanese, or at most can only speak broken Japanese, and they certainly can’t read Japanese
They cannot use chopsticks well
They do not like/fully appreciate Japanese food, like raw fish, meat, or eggs
They generally do not understand Japanese customs. (I watched one episode about a hippie dude who was walking around Japan BAREFOOT. BAREFOOT. ENTERING SHOPS AND PLACES WITHOUT SHOES ON, FEET FILTHY. He said, “Japanese people are so nice--no one minds if I come in barefoot.” THEY DO MIND, YOU INGRATE. THEY’RE JUST TOO POLITE TO TELL YOU TO GET THE EFF OUT. Who knows how many Japanese people think that Americans think it’s okay to walk around barefoot now, even though we have “No shoes no shirt no service” signs everywhere for this very purpose!)
Only 3% of the Japanese population is non-Japanese. This means that many, many Japanese people have never met a gaijin in person and base their assumptions of us entirely off the media and the stereotypes proliferated there. 
One of the things Japanese people (and most other people in the world, for that matter) mistakenly believe is that Japanese is the hardest language in the world to learn. 
Real talk: from an unbiased, purely linguistic standpoint, there is no such thing as a “hard” or “easy” language. There is such a thing as “linguistic distance,” which measures how much one language and another differs. For example, Italian and Spanish share so much grammar and similar vocabulary that their distance is short. Conversely, there is a substantial linguistic distance between Spanish and Korean.
However, a short linguistic distance does not equal “easy to learn.” 
Japanese is quite distant from all languages other than Korean. And yeah, kanji’s a bitch. I won’t argue with you there. But from personal experience, as a native English speaker, I found German harder to learn than Japanese, despite German being much linguistically closer to my native language. It all varies from person to person. 
But many Japanese people will tell you, “Japanese is so hard, isn’t it? It’s so impressive that you can speak it. It’s the hardest language.” And then their eyeballs drop out of their sockets when you tell them that you can read tHe KaNjI as well. 
Many Japanese people are convinced that not only is Japanese the hardest language in the world, but also almost no foreigners are able to speak it. This, coupled with their culture of politeness, leads them to be quick to praise our use of Japanese, no matter how good or bad it is. 
And therein lies my pet peeve with quick praise. Just a simple “arigatou gozaimasu” and some Japanese people will fawn over how sugoi your nihongo is, and in my eyes it sort of diminishes the actual level of sugoi my nihongo is. If that makes sense lol. I guess I just wish that people would treat me like a fellow Japanese person instead of a gaijin.
Common Praise
Here are some common phrases you might hear if someone is impressed with your Japanese, listed roughly from most common to least:
日本語がとてもお上手ですね! Nihongo ga totemo ojouzu desu ne! You are very good at Japanese!
日本語ペラペラですね! Nihongo perapera desu ne! You’re fluent in Japanese!
日本人みたいに喋れるじゃん! Nihonjin mitai ni shabereru jan! You can speak just like a Japanese person!
日本人より日本語喋れるじゃん! Nihonjin yori nihongo shabereru jan! You speak Japanese better than Japanese people do!
ナマリがまったくない! Namari ga mattaku nai! You don’t have an accent at all!
発音がきれいです! Hatsuon ga kirei desu! Your pronunciation is beautiful!
綺麗なお言葉です。 Kireina okotoba desu. You speak beautifully.
Y’know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard that last compliment before. To me, it sounds a little...stiff. Like maybe something an employee at a store would say to the customer who is trying to talk to them, and the employee is trying to be polite, but may not be 100% sincere. Sometimes that stiff, formal Japanese hides a person’s true warmth, though, so it’s a bit hard to tell. 
How to Respond to Praise
In America, if you are praised, it is common to reply with a “Thank you,” and then you can follow that up with a sign of humility or pride, like “Thank you, but I still have a lot to learn,” or “Thank you, I’ve been studying for a few years now!”
However, in Japan, you do not thank them. Instead, you contradict them. If someone says, “You are very good at Japanese!” you are meant to say “No, I’m not at all.”
This is not only limited to praise regarding Japanese. If someone says your outfit looks cute, you should say something like, “Really? This shirt is so old it’s about to get holes in it.” If someone says you are good at sports you should say, “Oh no, I’m terribly clumsy. Today must be a lucky day.” For example.
If they continue to praise you a second time, deny it again. 
If they praise you a third time, then you can say something like, “It’s thanks to you,” or “I’ve had a lot of help to get to this point.” Basically, you make sure that you are not prideful, and you give credit to those around you.
Japanese culture appreciates humility over pride, and puts others before oneself. These two facets of culture greatly shape nearly every social interaction.
Here are some things you can say if someone praises your Japanese:
いえいえ、まだ勉強中です! Ie ie, mada benkyou-chuu desu! No no, I’m still learning!
いえいえ、まだまだです。 Ie ie, mada-mada desu. No no, I still have a long way to go.
いえいえ、そんなことないです。 Ie ie, sonna koto nai desu. No no, not at all.
My favorite is the “benkyou-chuu” one, because I’ll be studying Japanese until the day I die. 
As an extra little thing to make you even more natural, when you say the “ie ie,” do this hand motion (and not the facial expression lol):
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This little hand wave in front of the face, with the tip of your middle finger at the same height as the tip of your nose, is a Japanese hand gesture that means...man, how do I put this into words?
“No no, you are thinking too highly of me” or “No no, don’t go to such trouble for me” or “No no, I’m fine, thank you.” It’s a super handy gesture!
HAH, “handy”
Anyways. You can use this gesture when you are declining praise, but you can also use it at a restaurant, for example. Maybe a waitress asks, “Do you want another beer?” And you can give the little hand wave and a smile to mean, “I’m good, thanks.” You can also say “Kekkou desu” as you do the motion.
Hope this post was of use to you!
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wakaoujisenhime · 4 years
Note
Hello!~ Can I ask for 200 event funny scenario about Rakuzan cute manager, who gets a lot of confession, so Rakuzan boys get jealous and want to protect her?
A/N: This turned out quite differently than I had originally planned it, but I hope you’ll like and enjoy it nonetheless! (∿°○°)∿ ♡  
Also, can someone explain to me why all the fluffy images of them are mostly without Mayuzumi?? This man deserves way more love (/ _ ; ) watch me edit him in there one day
Tags: Rakuzan x reader ✅ SFW ✅  fluff ✅
━━━━☆ ━━━━☆ ━━━━☆
Love letters - Rakuzan x reader
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A small light blue whistle dangled from your neck as you shouted out to the jogging members of the basketball club: “Come on, guys, just one more round!“
Since your first year in Rakuzan, you had joined the basketball club and had become their manager. In the beginning, you weren’t really noticed by the team, but that was not surprising because the captain was being trusted and listened to more than the actual coach.
Akashi’s judgment was truly impressing, and you couldn’t help but respect him as well...but there was no way in hell you’d just sit back as the rest and leave every responsibility resting on this young man’s shoulders.
Much to everybody’s surprise, you’d just butt into their conversations and share your view on the topic. That action alone left a lot of your classmates and upperclassmen flabbergasted, and just some days later, the school had labeled you fearless for daring to directly speak with these overly respected men.
Back then, you didn’t know about their reputation and titles at all, so you acted purely instinctual. If someone had told you beforehand who they were, though, you probably would’ve kept your mouth shut. But that lucky ‘mistake’ was the exact reason for your wholesome relationship with them now...
You see, all these boys ever wanted - outside of the basketball club - was to be accepted by someone the way they were. They were also ‘normal’ students like you and your classmates...the only exception was their immense talent and sincerity for the sport they loved, so why did they get treated like some kind of abnormalities?
Their peers’ rumors and reserved attitudes seemingly didn’t bother them that much, but you knew better and managed to see past their façades. You genuinely cared for them and everything that involved their person.
At first, it seemed really unnatural to them. The fact that someone as adorable as you was out there, willing to invest the majority of their time for them and their talent truly made them happy.
Slowly but surely, they began opening up to you. After just a few months, you became their most trusted person, whom they could always go to in order to discuss any- and everything, so the moment something or someone stood between you guys, they wouldn’t even bat a lash to show their true colors.
——
“Good morning, manager!!” a chirpy and a deep voice simultaneously called out to you.
“Kotaro and Nebuya! Good morning you two.”
You were about to open your shoe locker and continue your daily conversation with the club members. Still, when you unlocked that small door, something pushed it open and ended up startling anybody who was remotely close to you.
“Are these...”
“Love letters?”
With a small and slightly uncomfortable smile, you kneeled down and picked the few envelopes up from the floor, turning to the two young men behind you whose wide eyes were about to pop out from their sockets.
“Yeah...someone has been putting these in my locker every morning for the past few weeks,“ you explained and giggled silently at the cute little stickers your mysterious admirer had chosen this time. Upon seeing that angelic smile of yours, the two basketball players began panicking internally and started bombarding you with one question after the other.
When did you receive the very first letter? Is there some kind of signature for the sender? Have they been following you around? Are they bothering you?
Just as you were about to answer them, the school bell interrupted you, and as much as you wanted to continue your talk with them, your classes were more important at the moment. So the three of you rescheduled that talk for later, during club activities, and went off to your respective classrooms.
——
“Huuh?! A secret admirer?”
“Yes!! Can you believe it?”
As soon as the last bell for today rang, Nebuya and Kotaro had sprinted to the gym to inform the others about today’s discovery.
Finding out that someone as valuable as you were being admired by someone else was no surprise, of course, but it still hurt them, and it even awoke a feeling they had never experienced before...jealousy.
Mayuzumi watched them discuss this topic with such seriousness that he couldn’t help but laugh at them internally, and as their upperclassman, he felt the urge to tear them off a strip.
“I hope you guys are aware that (Y/N) has a life of her own and is allowed to do whatever she wants with whoever she wants; it’s none of our business now, is it?”
The others had turned towards him and were wide-eyed by the fact that he had even openly spoken up on a topic that concerned you. He’d usually either choose to remain silent or pretend like he wasn’t listening.
Akashi nodded with a small smile and took it upon himself to answer the grey-haired young man. “I am pretty sure they’re aware of that, but you have to be honest with yourself and admit that it’ll be a huge loss for all of us if she were to find a boyfriend right when our team’s at its prime time.”
The third-year squinted his eyes at his captain. “You do know that you’re overreacting, right? I mean...all you have are her words and some envelopes that fell from her locker.”
“But they were sealed with cute heart stickers, right Ko-chan?!”
Reo chirped in as his light-colored eyes darted over to the blond in question, whose answer consisted of some energetic nods. Mayuzumi was slowly losing his patience with them, and just as he was about to counter that statement, your cheerful voice echoed in the entire gym, greeting your fellow club members.
It should’ve surprised you to see them stand this close to each other, but you figured that they were probably discussing something basketball-related, so you kept your questions to yourself and began preparing for today’s training.
They used that short moment to arrange a short meeting after practice to plan their next steps.
——
“Ok, what’s our way of procedure, guys?” asked Kotaro in an unusual humorless tone. Nebuya, who was standing behind him, couldn’t help but laugh out loud at how serious his goofy friend was. The bigger man wrapped his muscular arm around the boy’s shoulder and told him to relax. Reo watched the two of them fool around with a bothered expression. At the same time, Akashi smiled to himself, bringing the cup of tea to his lips. Mayuzumi, on the other hand, watched that somewhat controversial scene unfold in front of him. It was beyond him how you believed the obvious lie they told you at the end of today’s training.
The five of you had made it a tradition to always go to either the station or the nearest bakery after practice, and even though the third year himself never really wanted to accompany you all, you always made sure to drag him along...even if it was against his will. So when you had asked them if they wanted to go to get something sweet today, they all refused for the most ridiculous reasons, and he was sure that you’ll see through these obvious lies. But when you just innocently smiled at them, he figured that you either turned a blind eye to it or you truly believed that Nebuya was on a “no-meat-diet” and that Kotaro was going to study and do his homework.
“I do not entirely agree with this since it seems to be a rather...drastic approach,” answered Akashi after the muscular man next to him asked what he thought of the plan. He just suggested, “what about you, Mayuzumi? What’s your take on this?”
Said boy sighed and replied tiredly that whatever conclusion they’d reach would be too overdramatic and drastic.
“You do know that if she decides to get to know her secret admirer better, she won’t be having that much time to read novels and recommend them to you, right?” asked Reo with a mischievous grin.
Silence...
The grey-haired young man leaned forward and looked at his teammates.
“Ok, what’s the plan?”
——
1st step: obtain a letter from her locker...
“Good morning (Y/N).“
“Akashi, good morning!“
You were just about to open the small door of your locker, change your shoes and see if you had received another love letter, but that’s when the captain of the basketball club had stopped you. Wondering if something was wrong, you asked him if you could help him in some way.
“Oh, nothing is wrong; I merely wanted to inform you that one of your teachers asked the basketball club to visit some of the classes and advertise the club since a lot of the first- and second-years appear to not have joined any after-school-activity. So I wanted to ask if you perhaps know someone that might be interested in joining a club.”
While the two of you continued that talk, you failed to see how Kotaro sneaked up behind you, looked in your locker, gave the red-haired young man an unobtrusive signal that there was no letter to be found, and vanished as quickly and quietly as he’d come.
...if the first step fails, we just need to keep a good eye on her surroundings and look for people interested in her...
“(Y/N), someone’s here to see you!” said one of your classmates as they pointed to your classroom’s door, where Reo was standing and nonchalantly leaning against its frame. You thanked them and hurried over to where one of your best friends was standing.
“Hey, sweetie, sorry for bothering you, but I wanted to ask you if you wanted to join me during the break.”
It has been quite a while since the two of you had spent a break together, so you had no reason to refuse and happily accepted his invitation.
With Reo, you could always talk about every kind of topic, whether it was about the last wrestling match you watched on TV or the cute keychain you saw hanging from your neighbor’s bag. The two of you would always get so invested in your dialogue that you completely missed how some of the students were glancing at you and how some even turned their heads when you passed them. On the other hand, your companion noticed every single one of them, and with his keen eye for outer appearance, he managed to memorize their most prominent features.
...next up, we’ll look for our suspects and interrogate them, but some of them won’t be very talkative, so I suggest we pull out the big guns right from the get-go...  
Thanks to the descriptions Reo forwarded to the others, they quickly formed an ‘intimidation squad,’ distributed the students equally amongst each other, and went ahead to do their job.
Nebuya, as the tallest and most muscular out of the rest, was assigned to the first-year students. It was an easy and quick job to intimidate them. All he had to do was stand at the door and ask whether the person that fitted Reo’s description is present and that he wanted to talk about their interest in the club’s manager. Of course, no one gave the student in question away out of fear and worry about what the basketball team's center might do to them, but the message was successfully forwarded.
Mayuzumi, as the main team’s third-year, had to take care of the second-years. Thanks to his low presence and high self-pride, he expected that he’d get treated with the necessary respect as these students' senior. That was the case for two or three with whom he talked to. He was quite eloquent, and thanks to his broad novel expertise, he knew how to skillfully ask them whether or not they harbored any strong feelings for you that might have resulted in daily love letters. Others, though, didn’t seem to care what he had to say to them and when you became their talk’s topic, they started mocking him and calling him your stalker...and that’s when he lost his patience. His presence might be low, but the moment he gets annoyed, he’ll make sure that everyone knows about it. Mayuzumi took hold of the boy’s collar and brought him close to his own face.
“I don’t mind you insulting me, but stay away from her...if you don’t...I'll make to follow every step of yours, and you’ll have to constantly be on the lookout for me. You know what’s going to be so fun about it?... You’ll never know whether or not I’m there, so you better speak up and leave her alone or else...”  
The person who took care of the third-years was no other than Akashi himself. For him, it didn’t matter which year he had to talk to; he was respected, feared, and known by the entire school anyway. Like Nebuya, all he had to do was go to the people in question and ask them what their business with you was, and luckily the majority of them broke the moment they saw his icy glare. Unfortunately, one thought that he shouldn’t care about who this rumored emperor was and act according to his status. A bad decision, really...he was lucky enough that all Akashi got his hands on was a broomstick and not something sharper like scissors or even a compass. Long story short, the third-year was successfully interrogated and intimidated, another job well done.
While they were running around and collecting information, Kotaro and Reo were given the task of distracting you and constantly standing by your side, hindering any other people from coming too close to you. But when someone played with the thought of wanting to talk to or even look at you, the blond would only glare at that student until they gave up. Those who had more courage and didn’t get that easily intimidated were chased away by Reo’s overly interested attitude. The moment someone came up to you and just interrupted your talk with them, the black-haired young boy would butt in and start showering them with compliments until they either were too creeped out or completely mesmerized.
...our mission will only then be considered a success when she stopped receiving those letters, understood?
A week and a half had passed since the execution of their plan, and one afternoon, Kotaro and Nebuya decided to ask you about those letters.
“Oh, those? I stopped receiving them some days ago..”
You weren’t as affected as they had expected you to be, but they were glad and happy nonetheless, knowing that their plan had worked. Now, you were theirs, and no one else’s, and anyone who wanted to take you away from them is hopefully prepared for the consequences...
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kooktaebear · 3 years
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If Only I Knew
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Status: ONGOING (this is my first AU AHHH I’m excited to write the next couple of parts, but I hope this story gets a lot of love :~>)
Pairing: Jungkook x Reader
Summary: Y/N abruptly moved to Seoul after spending 21 years living alone in her hometown, Busan after the death of her parents. She now discovers through her best friends that drama can be a lot to handle, but as she starts to meet new people, she discovers that she had completely forgotten an important part of her past.
Warnings: mention of guns, blood and violence,
Genre: angst, WHOLE LOT OF FLUFF, slow burn
Word Count: 3.2k
Part One:
I step out of the bus and a gust of cold wind hits my face as I board the train. Why did I think of not wearing enough layers in the middle of winter? I take my seat and look out the window to see the number of people who are about to board the train. I grab my phone and start listening to ILYSB. I like LANY, their music is perfect for travel.
I know this isn't such an interesting event in my life since I know that many other people have flown to see Seoul, capital of Korea but hey, give me a break. I’m finally going to meet my best friends after living alone for 4 years. This is what pays to be travelling, a provincial girl like me? I doubt I would ever survive the city life.
As a 2 hours pass, I wake up to hear the advisory that I’m about to reach Seoul.
I look out the window, close my eyes, and whisper.  
"Mom, Dad, I made it to Seoul."
I lost both my parents during a hostage that happened in our own home. My mom happened to answer the door and was shot first. The culprit saw me and asked me to go get my dad. At first I was confused, but it so happened that there was an issue with the family business and this guy was after the money. I was 13 at that time but I still couldn't figure out why something like this had to happen to our family. However, as soon as my dad had agreed to the terms of the killer, he pointed his gun at me and pulled the trigger. I closed my eyes to prepare myself for the pain that comes next but instead, I felt warm liquid on my hands and felt something heavy fall on me, it was my dad. I screamed at the sight of both my parents suddenly vanishing from this world, a sudden pain struck my chest and I couldn't breathe. I fall to the ground slowly losing my vision as I see the blue and red lights of police cars approaching my house.
"Miss? Are you okay miss?" the person right next to me calls my attention and brings me back to reality, "Oh, yes I'm fine. Have we arrived?" I look around to see almost everyone out of the train. "Would you need any help getting off? Are you new to the city?" the lady asks me. I shake my head and give her a smile as I head down the aisle to the exit.
I follow the rest of the passengers to exit the station as I turn my phone on to contact Jennie and Lisa, my two best friends. Their parents had offered to get us three an apartment we could all share just so that they could both keep me company. Lisa and Jennie aren't sisters if you were wondering, they just had agreed to live under one roof with me and I'm eternally grateful for that. Not to mention they’re idol trainees.
"Y/N?" I turn my head to see Lisa's straight black hair, "Lisa!!!" We both jump around and giggle, "Wait but where's Jennie?" "Oh, she's getting us another cab because your arrival got delayed." She helps grab my luggage and we both start catching up with each other, as if we’ve never spoken in weeks. This was the first time I had ever seen both Lisa and Jennie in person, all our moms were best friends when they were younger too but since we couldn't visit them often, we met and talked through video calls.
"Well if it isn't our beautiful foreign friend Y/N." I turn around and meet Jennie’s eyes, "JENNIE!!!" I run to hug her and Lisa joins in and I finally don't feel alone anymore. "Girls, the cab is waiting outside, we better hurry." On our way to our new apartment we were all catching up with each other as if we really didn't talk as much already. "Oh hey, Y/N you have to make sure that you're ready to go to school by 7am okay?" Jennie cheerfully said. I was so confused, school started at 8am so why would I have to be ready an hour before school when our place was literally like 10 minutes away. "Wait why do we have to be ready an hour before school? I know our place is like 15 minutes away from school. It's not like you guys take that long to fix yourselves up right?" Lisa and Jennie smiled at me suspiciously, "Well....Y/N you know, you may not know everything about us yet..." "What's there not to know? I've known you guys since the moment I was able to talk." Lisa elbowed me softly, "We’ve got new friends! Like actual men type of friends." My eyes opened wide despite the tiredness I've been experiencing,
How could these two end up befriending guys and just suddenly "forgetting" to tell me about it when they know and are fully aware that we all don’t normally interact with the opposite gender?  
"Fine, I'll be ready by 7am on Monday." I say as I roll my eyes, "YAYYY I'M SO EXCITEDDD!!!" both of them scream.
Ugh, 30 minutes have just passed since I arrived in Seoul and I'm already experiencing stress.
As soon as we got off the cab, both my friends had rushed to bring down all my belongings so that I could finally take a look at the place we rented out. Jennie reaches her hand out to me and in her palm, my key to our place. "Hey, have you guys figured out how we'll be getting to school on Monday?" Jennie giggles, "Y/N, you’re lucky we attend the same school. But the guys will pick us up! Plus..they promised to bring Jungkook." Jennie winks at me and flashes me her brightest smile.
Jungkook? I know I've heard that name somewhere, but I just can't remember where.
"We're here!!" The elevator door opens, "Apartment 735" I mutter to myself. I walk along the brightly lit corridor. "732....733...734..." I continue counting, "735!!" The girls rush to my side, "Y/N, this is your first time in our apartment, so you'll have the honor of opening the door with your key" Lisa says with a smile. I reach out for my keys, close my eyes and take a deep breath before turning the key to unlock the door. I hear the light switch turn on and I open my eyes. The apartment was beautiful. I walk in to see the kitchen, it has a small island where I could serve meals to my friends. I honestly enjoy cooking to relieve myself from whatever stresses me out, whether it be school, people or something about football. I’ve loved sports for as long as I can remember but it gets frustrating since I could be quite competitive.
I walked into the next room and I saw our living room, there was a large L-shaped sofa sitting in front of a huge television. In between the sofa and TV, I saw a small wooden table that is most probably multipurpose as being both a study desk and a place to put our snacks when we binge on shows during our free days. Beside the sofa I see a balcony that showcases a beautiful scenery of the city. I walk out and feel the cold breeze on my cheeks, I look up to the sky and I see that the sky had a welcoming gift for me as well. The stars greeted me as they shined brightly upon the night sky and I just can't help but admire the night sky. To my right, I see a bean bag that fits 2 people. I plop down to the bean bag and stargaze for a while.
Mom? Dad? I know you can hear me, I promise I'll make you proud, I'll succeed here in Seoul and become a great doctor.
"Y/N?" I snap back to reality and see Jennie’s head appear, "You haven't even seen your room yet! Come onnnnn!!" I stand back up and follow the girls in another small hallway, there I see 3 doors. "So basically, it's not that we don't want you to have your own room but we wanted one room to be our sort of walk-in closet because I mean who has not dreamed of having one?" I open the first door I see and the place is indeed full of clothes. There were 3 closets in the room, each of the closet doors have our first name initials on it to indicate who owns which closet. I laugh at my best friends, we all enjoy watching all those Barbie movies where they have spectacular closets and I guess you can say that this is the closest we can get to our childhood dreams.
I walk out of the room and take a few steps into the hallway. Lisa rushes to get past me and hold the doorknob, "Okay Y/N, this room is a little different. I know it's not really our style whatsoever but we created a study room." I scrunch my eyebrows, "A study room? Really now? For all of us or for me?" Lisa tucks a stray hair into her ear, "Well, more for you than for us since we know how hard you work and how much more you'll be working to get into med school. But it's a double purpose for a practice room for us too!" I take a step back to look at both my best friends and their grinning faces,
What did I do to deserve these two psychos in my life?
I call them in for a group hug, "You guys, I know you want to make me feel like there's nothing missing anymore in my life and I love you guys for that. I hope you all still remember I'm not a robot though and even if I'll be working hard to get into med school, I'll still be around to party and experience what any normal teenager should be experiencing." I hear Jennie sniffling at my right, "Aw Jen" I rub her back soothingly, "We know that Y/N, we just want the best for you too. We'll always be here rooting for you any time." We all take a step back, "Okay!" Lisa says, "Guys, it's our first night in our own apartment and we're already crying." Everybody laughs, "So I guess this last room is our room?" "It sure is." Jennie opens the door and I see three twin beds side by side. Just like our "walk-in closet" our first name initials are hanging above our head, brightly lit to recognize who owns which bed. I see my initial on top of the bed that lies in between both Lisa and Jennie's.
I drop my luggage off at our closet area and plop back down into the bean bag on the balcony. I take a deep breath in and close my eyes.
This is the start of my new life.
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"Take my hands now, you are the cause of my euphoria"
I woke up to the sound of Euphoria, my favorite song in the whole wide-
"WHEN I’M WITH YOU I'M IN UTOPIA"
And of course, the voices of my two best friends singing their hearts out and getting the lyrics messed up.
"Y/N!!! Come on!! It's your first day of school. Did you forget about our breakfast plan?"
Right. Their so-called "breakfast plan" before school. I stand up from my bed and stretch a little before I start making my bed. I stop by the closet first and pick my outfit for today, I pick out a tied crop top, white sneakers, and jeans. I grab my bathrobe and head to the bathroom. I step into the shower and play some music that would help wake me up and get ready for the day. As I continue to wash my hair, I hear a knock on my door, 
"Y/N! Are you done?!!" 
I roll my eyes. Jeez, they finally got themselves guy friends and now they're going crazy about finishing on time. I wrap a towel around my head to dry my hair. I head back to our dressing room and open my luggage. As I look for my blow dryer and straightener, Lisa barges into the room, 
"Y/N Y/L/N, you seem to be too relaxed this morning. You have 30 minutes left to get ready and if you're not ready by then I'm going to drag you to the car." "Don't worry Jen, I'll be done on time. Now can you please stop bothering me so that I can start dressing up?"
I quickly blow dry my hair and put it up in a messy bun. With the remaining time left, this is the best I can do to tame my natural curls. I look at myself in the mirror and check to see if something is missing. I reach out to get my makeup bag and I put on a little blush and add a little lip tint. I search through my accessory bag and look for my small stud earrings. I get my glasses from the table and look at myself in the mirror once more. I'm ready for my first day of school. I leave the dressing room and meet my best friends in our kitchen. 
"Oh my goodness Y/N, let's go! We're already 5 minutes late." I grab the schoolbag I prepared last night before heading to bed and leave the apartment. We head to the basement by elevator since Lisa got her license just recently. "Wait Lisa, if you had your license already by the time you picked me up, why did you guys use a taxi to pick me up?" "Oh, uh..I was too lazy to drive that late at night so I just got us a taxi." She starts the car and we head to the exit.
It was my first time ever seeing Seoul in the morning light, the sun hit the skyscrapers so beautifully that it was as if the city was welcoming me as their new citizen. Numerous cars were already out by the time we hit the road because of the rush hour most of them were experiencing. Our school, Seoul National University was just 10 minutes away, our apartment was located a couple blocks away As I was looking out the window, I saw some sort of diner come into view. It looked huge for my definition of a diner since I always saw diners as small joints made for meals, but this diner was different. As Lisa pulled up in the parking area I could see a little bit of the inside, students like us were dining in there as well and there seemed to be a game room on the other side of the dining area.  It's around mid-February so the breeze was still cool, Busan was a little warmer during the winter so I had to find a way to adjust to the cooler weather in the city. As my friends and I make our way to the entrance, I notice three heads that turn our way. As we enter the diner however, the smell of freshly made bread, waffles, and eggs hits me and I feel my mouth water. I've been starving and I couldn't wait to try whatever the diner had been serving.
I see three boys in a booth and I make eye contact with one of them, the weird thing is...I felt butterflies in my tummy. I've seen those eyes somewhere, he feels familiar which is of course impossible because I've never met these people in my entire life.
I've never had any guy friends at all. I've always thought about making my parents proud and everything so I focused on getting good scores on all my tests so that I could get into med school. This is all so new to me...having friends of the opposite species. I mean okay, I've watched rom-coms and movies that revolve around love, seeing your friends being treated the way I see couples act in the movies is something I never thought I would be interacting with boys at this point of my life.
"Y/N? Earth to Y/N!" I snap back to reality as Jennie calls my attention. "This is Jimin, Taehyung and the guy still sitting in the booth is Jungkook." Jungkook? I think I know a Jungkook from back home but it's still pretty hard to remember a lot of things. "Sorry, I'm being rude." Jungkook stood up and walked to me, "Jungkook." He held out a hand for me to shake, "Y/N." I say in reply. As our hands touch, there's a familiar warmth that gives me goosebumps. I quickly try to mask the reddness in my cheeks. We all take a seat in the booth and based on the impression of these boys, they seem like athletes. "Hey Y/N," Jimin says, "You should try their Bacon and Waffles here. They sell out like crazy in the mornings." I take a quick glance on the menu and scan quickly for the meal Jimin was talking about. I raise my hand excitedly to call in the waitress to take our orders, "1 Bacon and Waffles, 2 Pancakes and, 3 orders of the Waffles and Chicken all with Orange Juice on the side." The waitress says, "Thanks." I give her a smile in return.
I glance back at my friends after giving the waitress the menu I was holding, Jungkook and I make direct eye contact, his big brown doe eyes, another flood of goosebumps crawl on my skin as he turns away to talk to Taehyung. Why is it that Jungkook looks at me as if he’s seen me before?
The waitress returns with the orders and I start to take a bite off my first meal of the day.
“So Y/N, how was your first night in the city?” Taehyung asked as he picked a strawberry off one of the pancakes, “I stayed up in the balcony just looking at the city lights, the stars were very bright last night. I couldn’t stay up for so long though, it got really cold.” “Y/N loves gazing at stars, she used to try to make Jen and I see the stars in Busan every time we video called.” Lisa says giggling, Jimin gasps and turns to point at Jungkook while eating his waffle, “Jungkook used to drag us out of our homes just to meet at a park to stargaze!” Jungkook shyly looks away and takes a sip of his juice, “Yah” he finally speaks, “You make me sound like a really weird kid Hyung” I laugh at his statement, “Don’t be too embarrassed Kook, looking at the stars are my favorite past time” He tenses up with the nickname as he looks at me, I realize I just gave this guy a nickname on the first day we met. Shit. “Uh, is it okay that I call you Kook?” He nods in return as a smile crept onto his face.
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Plotlines of BTS Music Videos According to My Drunk Ass
Just to be clear I am not promoting drinking to minors or anything like that. Plus I am of age so whatever.
Music Video 1: Fire
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Let’s just put it out there that the whole plot of the music video is about a group of hooligans causing trouble around their neighbor hood. Moreover it starts with them and the reader hanging out at the town’s youth center. Supposedly they all (except Jimin) have grown up together, learning how to survive the streets and deal with the shit life’s thrown at them.
Now onto the key characters:
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Min Yoongi: The badass gangster who enjoys causing chaos and mischief. He’s the one who creates the most drama by actively engaging in criminal activities simply for the fun of it. He constantly tags buildings and picks fights with other people. Think of it this way: Yoongi is the one everyone watches out for, because he has no problem meeting a pipe to your face.
  That said naturally his character is rather antagonistic and anti-social as well. While he does care about the members of his group, Hoseok is the only one he truly trusts to let in. Moreover his relationship with the reader is that of an older brother who finds their sibling annoying so they constantly bully them; that said anyone who messes with you better watch the fuck out. You are his pest after all.
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Jung Hoseok: The brotherly bad boy who has way too much fun being naughty. Both Yoongi and J-hope share one thing in common, they enjoy being bad boys. However while Yoongi leans more towards apathetic chaos, J-hope merely enjoys the thrill and status comes along with the title. He is the type to cause trouble when others are watching or his friends are there, but never the one to plan it. Honestly Hoseok is a bit of a ladies man always bragging about his reputation to impress, but really he does that to everyone.
  He’s officially the group’s hype man. The one everyone trusts immensely, because at the end of the day what Hoseok is really proud of is his family (you guys) and does everything he can to protect/make you guys happy. Like Yoongi, Hoseok acts as a big brother figure towards. Unlike Yoongi, he’s always thrilled to see you.
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Jeon Jungkook: The innocent newbie corrupted by his “big brothers,” probably rather self-explanatory. As the youngest Jungkook wasn’t around when the group started (the group being you and the Maknae line). In fact he’s the latest addition to the neighborhood, moving there with either his single mother or foster parents. At first the poor boy is so out of place in the neighborhood dealing with life and constantly bullies, it only adds to his misfortune that you meet him. Yes, you the reader can be blamed for introducing Jungkook into thug life (lol thug life); not purposefully of course you simply saw the baby bunny and took him under your wing. If anything you try to protect him, while keeping Jungkook away from all the trouble.
     To Jungkook, you are the mother/older sister figure he has never had. He cares deeply for you, practically following you around like a lost duckling. However Jungkook also idolizes the others and wishes to become like them. Thus, causing him to get into trouble.
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Kim Namjoon: The muscles-first off let me say how sorry I am for this. Joon is legit my ultimate basis and the smartest of them all yet he plays the meathead in this plotline. Why? Oh god why? I don’t know, but he does.
   Namjoon is the second member of the group no one wants to piss off. Not because of any sociopathic tendencies like Yoongi, but because Namjoon punches harder than the six of them combined. He’s literally the armored shield that steps in between members and those who threaten them. Now I don’t have as much facts on him as the others, but I can say this: Namjoon is a follower not a leader here, and like Yoongi, he find you annoying-although he is less antagonistic about than other is. Also like Yoongi, he’ll beat the living shit out of anyone who messes with you.
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Kim Taehyung: The introverted computer genius who prefers technology over people. In this plotline our bubbly Tae, plays an awkward anti-social computer genius who really doesn’t know how to interact with people on a massive level. Remember that character in tv shows, that is friends with everyone despite having odd tendencies and never leaving home? Well, that Taehyung. He spends most of his days playing computer or videogames, only to occasionally come up with some genius deceive or program that helps the group out. To outsiders, he’s a freak, but to the group he’s their family and no one mess with family.
    While Taehyung barely interacts with the others, the one person he does interact with is the reader. This is mainly because of your caring nature and patience. Out of everyone, you more than anyone accept his quirks. Which is why he has such a crush on you. Sadly our poor Tae won’t make the cut in this plotline.
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Park Jimin: The stereotypical prep who pays the group to join them in their mischief. Now we are getting close to the heart of the story. Although not the antagonist of the plotline, Jimin definitely gets the ball rolling by bribing you guys into letting him join the group for a week or two. This boy is literally that rich kid rolling around in daddy’s money, but find life a bore. Like many others he idolizes the trouble you get into and wants in on that bad boy life. Initially he annoys everyone, but by some miracle he actually manages join by earning your guys’ trust somehow.
  Note you and him have an especially rocky relationship at first, thanks to his flirty ‘I’m hot’ attitude. To him, you are different from all the other girls. You are from the other side of the track making you a forbidden fruit. To you, he’s just a moron who doesn’t realize how good he has it.
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Kim Seokjin: Ex-leader gone Captain America, he is the definition of bad boy gone good. Once the esteemed leader of your group of misfits, Jin now finds himself determined to move away from crime and go to college by playing sports. He wants to prove to you all, that succeeding in life is a possibility without committing crimes. This goal especially means a lot to him, because Jin sees himself as responsible for everyone in the group .Unfortunately turning over a new leaf has left him alienating the group and in turn getting alienated by them. He constantly struggles between staying on the righteous path and not involving himself in group matters. (Note: he can never stay away when one of you are in danger.)
What’s really interesting about Jin’s character is his relationship with you. Out of everyone in the group you are the one he cares most about. In fact it can be said you are the reason behind his drastic change and determination to leave the neighbor hood. Ironically though that doesn’t mean you understand his actions or reasonings. To you, abandoning everyone is unforgivable and you two often go head to head on your beliefs. In the end however, Jin is the love interest of this plotline.
.........Also they have a band..........
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Anyway that was extremely embarrassing to write, but I hope you enjoy my crazy plotlines and let me know if you want to read about the other ones I have.
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louezem · 4 years
Text
Saying Yes - Brothers
Summary:  Katniss and Peeta had a bitter break up years ago and went their separate ways. Katniss knows nothing of Peeta's life now, until a stunning blonde walks into the exclusive bridal salon were she works, to buy her a dress for her wedding - to Peeta Mellark.
Written for @promptsinpanem
Part 5 - Brothers
Eight Weeks Later...
Part 5 - Brothers 
Eight weeks later:
“Good evening, Mr Mellark, it’s nice to see you,” the doorman welcomed him with a tip of his head.
“Good evening,” Peeta returned the welcome. “I’m here to meet my brother for dinner but I need to go upstairs first. When he arrives can you send him to The Arena?  I’ll meet him at the bar.”
“Of course, Mr Mellark, I’ll let him know.”
Peeta strode through the hotel lobby, acknowledging staff members and guests alike with a nod or a smile before using his keycard to access a small private elevator that rose directly to the penthouse he’d shared with Glimmer.
It felt a little weird being back in this space.  He’d moved out of the hotel and into a very nice apartment a short distance away a couple of weeks earlier.  The views weren’t as spectacular and there was no room service or overnight dry cleaning at his new place, but he was enjoying having a space that was just his more than he’d expected.  He liked displaying his own art on the walls of his home and cooking in his own kitchen again.
He opened the sliding doors to the patio and stepped outside, glad that none of the Glimmer’s personal staff were around to observe him as he said a last goodbye to the place that he’d called home for quite a while.  He walked to the infinity balcony and leaned over admiring the view over the city and listening to the faint sounds of the crowds and the traffic far below.  He could feel the autumn chill in the air, the days getting noticeably shorter.  It was almost sunset, so he decided to stay and watch from this vantage point one last time.
The media attention had been pretty brutal in the weeks immediately following his and Glimmer’s break up, usually casting him in the role of a gold-digging gigolo who’d used Glimmer to further his career in her Grandfather’s chain of hotels and then broke her heart.   They didn’t let up until a couple of photos of Glimmer and her entourage of girlfriends started showing up on online as they partied their way across Europe.  When a photo of Glimmer dancing closely with the sovereign prince of some small European principality showed up on twitter the interest in Peeta finally began to fade.  He smiled to himself, knowing Glimmer most likely leaked the photo herself to draw the attention off him, if the winking emoji she’d text him around the same time was anything to go by.  But she’d never admit it to anyone else.
In the bedroom he gathered the last few personal documents and books he’d forgotten into a box and dropped his keycard in the drawer of the bedside table, switching off the lights on his way out.      
He felt sad that this chapter of his life was over but not heart-broken like he thought he was supposed to be.  He should be on his honeymoon in Europe right now, for god’s sake, but instead he was single again.  He kept waiting for some stronger emotion to hit him but the simple truth was, he was okay.  If anything, he was a little excited about the future and the new opportunities that were already presenting themselves.  It wasn’t like back when…
An image of a pretty dark-haired girl with tears running down her face came into his mind, immediately morphing into a more recent memory of a gorgeous woman with flashing silver eyes climbing into a taxi and driving away…
He shut down that train of thought quickly.   Dr Aurelius had said no good would come from letting his mind wander down those paths.  In the weeks since he’d bumped into her again, Katniss had made a reappearance in his dreams, costing him more than one night of sleep lost to restless tossing and turning.  So much so that he’d started painting in the small hours of the morning again.
He dropped his box of things off in his office downstairs and headed to the bar where he immediately spotted a head of blond wavy hair almost identical to his own.  
“Hey Rye,” he greeted his brother and slipped onto the barstool beside him, letting his eye run over the room.  Like everything in the hotel the restaurant exuded sheer luxury - from the long polished mahogany bar to the more private dining areas with deep seats upholstered in sumptuous dark blue velvet and tables set with the finest sterling silver cutlery and cut crystal glassware.  The only thing he didn’t personally care for were the large displays of snow white roses, but they were something of a trademark for the owner, Coriolanus Snow who insisted on them in all his hotels.
“Peeta.” Rye welcomed him with a pat to his shoulder and raised his finger to catch the attention of the bartender. “What are you drinking?”
“My usual please, Finch,” Peeta smiled at the bartender who came to serve him, a slender natural red-head with fox like features and pale eyes, “and whatever my brother wants.”
“A double on the rocks, and put it on his tab.” Rye winked and raised his glass.
Peeta chuckled and Finch gave them a closed lipped smile before scurrying off to get their drinks.
“This is some place,” Rye commented.  “It’s a far cry from the spit and sawdust of Abernathy’s bar, back home.”
“It is,” Peeta chuckled.  “Is the old man even still alive?”
“Sure is, and as surly as ever.  But enough of small town news, tell me how’ve you been,” Rye looked him up and down.  “We haven’t talked much in the last few weeks.  You don’t look too bad, all things considered.”
“Thanks, I’m doing okay,” Peeta lifted his drink and clinked it off his brother’s glass. “I’ve been busy with events here in the hotel and moving to my own place.  Next time you’re in town we should meet up my new apartment instead of the hotel.  I’ll cook you a steak.”
“It’s a deal,” Rye agreed. “I’ll bring the beer.  None of your fancy wines, thank you very much. You got a big TV?”
“I’ve got a regular TV and sports on cable,” Peeta laughed. “I prefer to use my walls for my paintings, not a huge flatscreen.”
“You can spare at least one wall for a decent 60 inch. The one in the suite we stayed in upstairs before the wedding was awesome.  We did you move out anyway, I thought you could live at the hotel for free as a perk of your job?”
“There is a private suite that comes with the package but with Glimmer due back in town soon I thought it was best to find my own place.   Better to keep a little healthy distance between us until things settle.” 
“Probably wise.” Rye agreed.  “Have you talked to her at all?” 
“Sure, a couple of times.  Honestly, we’re fine with each other.  I mean, yeah, it feels strange being a single guy again.  I miss her company and I miss sleeping beside someone at night.” He let out a small chuckle. “I even miss Caesar, but all things considered we’re good.”
“I’m glad you feel that way. Glimmer is a great girl,” Rye sipped his whiskey, a thoughtful look on his face.  “Stupid dog, though.  Give me a mutt over a pampered pooch any day of the week.”
“Hey Caesar is great.  He might be small and fluffy but he has the heart of a great dane,” Peeta chuckled.  “The little dogs always do.  Besides—” Peeta stopped. 
“Besides what?”
“I think Glimmer may have done the right thing by calling the wedding off.” Peeta confessed. He cleared his throat. It was the first time he’d admitted as much out loud to anyone.  “Moving out will make everything less awkward in the long run, when she starts to see someone new.  I don’t think she’ll be single for long.” 
“Does it bother you?  The thought of Glimmer with another guy?”  Rye was watching him.
Peeta knew if he tried to lie, his brother would see right through it.  No one knew him the way Rye did.  He considered his response carefully, as he’d asked himself the same question a million times.
“No.” He answered truthfully.  It was the first time he’d fully admitted it, even to himself, and with it came a sense of relief.  “It really doesn’t bother me and that’s that thing.  It should, shouldn’t it?  I mean, I should be turning green with jealousy at thought of Glimmer with someone else, but I’m not.  All I want is for her to be happy.”
“Hmm.  What about you? Have you had any thoughts about moving on yourself?”  Rye raised an eyebrow. 
Peeta shook his head.  “No.  Relationships are the last thing I’m thinking about right now, and maybe not for a long time.”
“Who said anything about relationships? You have needs. You’re a young reasonably good looking guy—”
“Gee, thanks!” Peeta laughed at the back handed compliment.
“—all I’m saying is the ladies love a guy like you, and there is nothing wrong with a little healthy no strings attached fun.  Or a lot of healthy no strings fun if you prefer.  How about Finch over there?  She a bit of a fox and she keeps looking at you like she sees something delicious she’d like to eat.”
“Delicious but toxic,” Peeta snorted, shaking his head.  “I don’t do casual hook-ups but if I did I’d never choose someone at work.  It would be unprofessional.”
“But dating the granddaughter of your employer wasn’t?”  Rye laughed out loud.
“That was different, I was working someplace else when I met Glimmer.”
“Okay fair point,” Rye conceded, tipping his head.  “But tell me why you just described yourself as toxic?  Don’t tell me you bought into all that bullshit the media accused you of.”
“No, but look how my last two relationships ended.  The love of my life cheated on me and broke my heart, then my next serious girlfriend dumped me on our wedding day.  Even if—"
“Wait.”  Slowly Rye rested his drink on the bar and turned to face his brother, all former joviality had left his face. “Peeta, do you still believe Katniss Everdeen is the love of your life?”
“That’s an odd question to ask,” Peeta frowned.
“Humour me.”
“Fine then, the answer is yes,” he gave a slight nod of his head. “Yes, I believe Katniss is the great love of my life.  Hopefully not the last love. But the great one.  I loved Glimmer but it wasn’t the same.   I don’t think I could ever love anyone again the way I loved Katniss.”
Rye let out a deep sigh and ran a shaking hand though his hair.  “I was afraid you were going to say that.”
Peeta’s frown deepened. “Rye, what’s wrong?  You’re acting weird.”
“Peeta, there is something I need to talk to you about.  It’s been playing on my mind for some time, since long before the wedding was cancelled, if I’m honest.”
“Okay.  This sounds ominous.  It’s nothing to do with your health is it?  Or Graham, or Mom? The business back home is doing okay? Because you know I can help with that if you need—”
“No, no – calm down, the business if fine, Mom and Graham are fine, or at least they were, last time I spoke to them.  By the way, Mom said to tell you how foolish you were for letting a prize like Glimmer slip through your fingers.”
Peeta rolled his eyes. He could care less what his mother thought of him or his life, not when she couldn't even bothered to come to his wedding.
“Stop deflecting Rye.  This isn’t the first time you’ve hinted you had something on your mind and you’re not usually the type to hold back, so whatever it is, spit it out.”
“I worried if I do you’ll punch me in the face.”
“Rye, so help me—”
“Look, let’s move over to a table.” Rye threw back what was left in his glass and nodded to the bartender for another.  “We might need a little more privacy for this conversation.”
Once the brothers were resettled in a quiet corner with fresh drinks in front of them Peeta sat back and waited.
“It’s about Katniss.” Rye began nervously.
“What about her?” Peeta frowned.
“It’s about what happened between her and Gale Hawthorne the night of Madge’s party.”
Peeta looked at him, his frown deepening.  That was not what he’d been expecting to come out of Rye’s mouth.
“I already know what happened Rye.  I don’t need to hear the sordid tale of how you caught my girlfriend making out with another guy again.”  His tone was dismissive.
“Peeta, did you ever wonder why Katniss gave up trying to contact you after you broke up with her?” Rye’s voice shook a little as he spoke. He was nervous.
Peeta met his brother’s worried gaze with a now stony one of his own.  “I reckoned she figured out it was pointless to keep trying.  You caught her red handed and she knew that I’d never forgive her. Cheating is a deal breaker for me.  She knew that.”
“Okay, that’s reasonable.  But did you ever stop and ask yourself why you didn’t see her around at school later on, when she had a full ride to go to Panem U?”
“Yeah, she had, for tuition.” Peeta nodded. “We’d planned to live in the dorms for freshman year, and if we could find roommates we liked to share expenses with us, we’d rent a place and live together off campus after that. For the first month or so after school started I did look out for her.  Fuck, every time I saw a girl with olive skin and dark hair I hoped it was Katniss.” Peeta grabbed the whiskey bottle Finch had left on the table, and tossed back a shot.  “But after a while I figured out she must have gone somewhere else.  I guess she decided she didn’t want to see me either.”   
Rye locked eyes with him. “Before I tell you this, I need you to know that I’m really sorry. I want you to keep that in your head and remember it when I’m finished.”
“Sorry for what?”  Peeta eyed him warily.  “You’re starting to freak me out now, Rye.”
“I fucked up and got it all wrong, Peeta.  Katniss didn’t cheat on you with Gale the night of Madge’s party.  Or any other night.”
Peeta sat deathly still, his face impassive, as he stared at his older brother. The only reaction he showed to the grenade his brother had just launched at him was the darkening of his eyes from blue to black.
��What the fuck are you saying to me, Rye?  You’d better explain what you just said.  Fast,” he growled.
“Okay hear me out.  I need to start at the beginning.” Rye put up a placating hand.  “You remember that I had a massive thing for Madge Undersee, right?  I even thought I might be in love with her, but she only had eyes for Gale Hawthorne.” 
“Sure, I remember.  You always had a thing for blondes.”
“Still do.” Rye laughed dryly, but with no humour.  “I ended up crashing Madge’s party that night with a couple of the guys I used to wrestle with back in High School.  Cato and Marvel.  It was already late when we got there and Katniss was there hanging out with Madge and Gale. They’d all had a few drinks and looked pretty comfortable with each other.  Katniss and Madge were dancing and Gale was watching them both.  I didn’t think anything of it.”
“Katniss and Gale were friends since they were kids,” Peeta interrupted. “Madge was her best friend in High School.  Off course they were friendly. The only reason I wasn’t at the party too was because I was due at the bakery the next morning at 4am to finish a wedding cake, so Katniss tagged along with Gale instead.”
“Anyway,” Rye continued. “As the night went on I drank more and I managed to corner Madge on her own in the kitchen away from her friends.  I asked her to go out on a date with me, begged her to give me a shot, but she turned me down flat. I kept trying to charm her until she got pissed off told me to leave her alone, that she liked someone else.”
“Let me guess, that someone was Gale?” Peeta asked.
“Yeah.” Rye confirmed with a nod. “So I backed off with my tail between my legs, grumbling all the while to the guys about what was so special about Gale that made him so popular with the ladies, and what had he got that I hadn’t got.  They laughed, saying he had quite a reputation with the ladies and he was well known for frequenting the slag heap with different girls, but lately he’d been there a lot with a certain Seam girl.  They were looking at Katniss when they said it.”
Peeta raised an eyebrow at this.
“Anyway, by then I was drunk and feeling pretty sorry for myself.  A little while later I decided to call it a night and left to walk home when I heard some rustling and caught sight of Gale back in the trees.  At first I thought he was taking a leak, but then I realised he was leaning up against a tree because he had a girl backed up against it.   This kinda made me see red because Madge was back at the house waiting for him to make his move and he was here, wasting time with another girl.”
“Katniss.” Peeta growled, downing another shot.  It might be ten years ago, but it still hurt.  
“Yes.” Rye nodded.  “It was Katniss.  I saw him bend down and kiss her, but she must have seen me because she shoved him away and came running after me and we argued.   She tried to say what I’d seen was nothing, that she’d only gone outside to check on Gale because he was drunk and he came onto her.  She swore she never invited it.”
He took a deep breath. 
“I was so angry I couldn’t think straight.  I yelled at Katniss to get the hell away from me and to stay the hell away from you and told her she wasn’t good enough for you.  Gale came over and tried to throw a punch at me for yelling at Katniss, but he was a drunk as I was and he missed and we both ended up on the ground.  Then his friend Thom and Madge came out of the house and broke it up.  Katniss was crying and Madge took her inside.”
“I know this part Rye.” Peeta’s icy voice cut across him abruptly.  “But you never said anything about her shoving him away before.  You made it sound like she was a willing participant, that she was all over him.”
“I know.  I know I did.” Rye threw his hands up in the air. “I thought she shoved him away because she saw me, but I only found out years later that I was wrong about all of it.  After what Cato and Marvel had told me about Gale and a Seam girl at the slag heap, I put two and two together and made five.”
“When did you find out you were wrong?”  Peeta spat out, his head spinning.  The repercussions of what Rye had done were huge.  The whole path of his – and Katniss – life had changed because of what Rye said he saw that night.
“Not until a few years later.  Believe it or not, it was Gale who confronted me.  He and Madge were engaged, and I had long moved on.  They came by the bakery to order a wedding cake.  While Madge was distracted talking flavours and buttercream with Dad, Gale asked could he have a word with me outside.”
“At first I thought he was going to bring up my old crush on Madge, but instead he started talking about that night. He basically said he wanted to clear the air and Katniss’ name, and he confirmed everything Katniss tried to tell me years before was all true.”
A heavy silence fell between the brothers and Peeta sat stiffly as his brain tried to process this new information.
“But if he had feelings for Madge, why was he trying to kiss Katniss that night? That makes no sense!” Peeta burst out. 
“I asked him the very same thing.  He said his feelings for Madge were new and he never expected a girl like her would look at a Seam guy like him, let alone date one.  He was confused by what the true nature of his feelings for Katniss were.  They’d been friends for so long and everyone including his  family told him they’d end up together eventually but then she started dating you and he was worried he’d missed his chance.  So when one presented itself, he took it. He said he had to do it.  Just once.”
“And the seam girl he’d been sneaking around with at the slag heap?”
“Leevy Collins.”
“I can’t believe I’m only hearing about this now,” Peeta muttered dropping his head into his hands. “You should have come to me with this when Gale first told you, Rye.”
“I know.” Rye shifted uncomfortably in his seat.  “Gale told me Katniss gave him hell afterwards.  He felt bad when he found out that you broke up with her. They didn’t speak for a long time, but Madge invited Katniss to the wedding hoping they could patch things up.  Gale told me I should try and encourage you to go as well.  He hinted that Katniss wasn’t seeing anyone.”
 “Wait, so Katniss and Gale didn’t speak again until Madge’s wedding?”  Peeta exclaimed.  “That was years later!”
“I guess so.  I don’t know all the details. Katniss and Prim moved away when Prim finished High School. I guess they moved to the city then.  I didn’t keep tabs on her.  After you left she wasn’t on my radar.  I heard her Mom had died—”
“Wait, what - Mrs Everdeen died?!?”  Peeta's head shot up in shock and he suddenly realised just how far he’d distanced himself from his home town if this news never reached him.
“Yeah, I think it was the winter after you left to go to school that I heard a rumour about Katniss’ Mom.  Talk around town was she was really sick.  By then Katniss was working double shifts in Sae’s diner but she got another job working evenings in Abernathy’s.  Mrs Everdeen died about a year later.  Cancer, I heard.”
So Katniss finished raising Prim alone. Peeta thought. She had no one.
Why didn’t you tell me any of this back then?” Peeta clenched his fists tightly. He’d had arguments with his brothers before but he couldn’t remember a time when he’d ever felt so angry with Rye and it hurt.  Rye was his big brother, the one he could depend on who always stood up for him and been there for him. Deflected their mother’s rage onto himself when she would beat up on Peeta too hard.  “You never said a word.”   
“I didn’t think it would make any difference.  You never mentioned Katniss again, I thought you had put it all behind you.  You were living this amazing life in the city, you’d a great job, travelling all over the world in private jets, you had a gorgeous, sexy girlfriend.  I thought it best to let sleeping dogs lie.” 
“You could have told me some things, Rye.  I would have liked to know.  I would have sent flowers to Mrs Everdeen’s funeral.  I liked Mrs Everdeen, she was troubled but she was kind to me.”
“I didn’t want to make things worse for you, Peeta.” Rye’s tone had taken on a slight edge of annoyance.  “Don’t you remember what you were like back then?  After you left home any time anyone tried to talk to you about Katniss, you snapped their heads off.  You made it very clear you didn’t want any information from back home, Everdeen related or otherwise.  So in the end it was best not to say anything.”
“I was hurting, Rye.  I was devastated and angry, thinking my girlfriend had cheated on me and lied to me.”
“I know Peeta, and I get that now. I’m sorry. I take full responsibility.” Rye looked away, his guilt and shame written all over his face.  
An uncomfortable silence settled between the brothers, neither knowing where to go from there.  Even through the haze of his own anger Peeta could see how deeply upset Rye was.
“No.” Peeta eventually broke the silence. “It’s not completely your fault Rye.  It’s mine too.  I should have trusted my girlfriend when she told me she loved me instead of believing the worst of her.  I should have listened to her version of events. Maybe if I didn’t always feel like I wasn’t good enough for someone like her to love, we could have resolved it.  I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, testing her feelings, hoping if I showed her how much I loved her she would be more demonstrative when it wasn’t in her nature.”
“Back at the hotel, the day before the wedding, she said…” Rye trailed of, shaking his head.
“Back at the hotel she said what, Rye?” Peeta prompted.  “Don't stop now!.”
“She asked me if you were happy.  She made me promise to take care of you, for her.”
Peeta swallowed deeply, tears stinging behind his eyes.  Even this tiny sign that she still cared for him was too much.  
“Is there anything else, I should know? Any more surprises?” he cleared his throat, almost unable to speak.
Rye nodded hesitantly.  “There is one more thing,” he said, obviously troubled. “I promise this is the last of it.”
“Go on.”
“Somehow Mom found out about what happened, I don’t know how. Maybe she overheard me talking to Dad. She threatened Mrs Everdeen with Child Protective Services if Katniss went to the same school as you.”   
“Jesus Christ.”  The tears behind Peeta’s eyes finally began to fall.  He knew the threat of CPS would have terrified Katniss.  She’d confided her fears about her mother’s mental health to him many times, and was worried about leaving Prim to go to school.  He knew, with absolute certainty, that his mother making such a threat would have been enough to stop Katniss leaving for school, even if they hadn’t broken up.  She would never risk her sister ending up in foster care.
“Peeta, are you okay?”  Rye put his hand on his shoulder but Peeta shook it off and stood up.
“After everything else, it’s too much.  I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with all this new information Rye.  I think I need to talk to Dr Aurelius.”  Peeta wiped at his eyes and tried to compose himself, suddenly remembering where he was. 
“Everything you’ve told me tonight has turned everything I believed about Katniss upside down.  I spent years believing the worst of her and it burned a hole in my soul.   It changed me as a person.  Now I find out all this.  Our family destroyed her, Rye.  You, me, Mom.  We took away her chances.  I shouldn’t have let that happen, I was supposed to protect her, we protected each other.  I’m the one who let her down and needs her forgiveness, not the other way around.”
“For what it’s worth, even when you still believed the worst of her, you had already forgiven her.” Rye offered.  “You were ready to let go of the anger.  All it took was seeing her that day, on the steps of the hotel.”
“Maybe so.  But now I have more questions than I have answers.”  Peeta was so confused.  “This changes everything.”
“I think you should go find her and talk to her.  Get some closure.”
“Do you think she would she want to talk to me?” Peeta shook his head. “I didn’t just break up with her that day, I tore her apart, Rye.”  Peeta brought his hands up, rubbing his temples which were beginning to throb.   “I called her unforgivable names and told her to crawl back to the slag heap where she belonged.”  
“Peeta, you have to know how truly sorry I am.”  Rye’s voice shook with emotion. “I never meant to cause—"
Peeta put his hand up to stop him. “I know.  But what’s done is done.”  He pulled out his wallet, throwing a handful of notes on the table.  “I’m going to leave now.  I have a lot of thinking to do.”
He left the table and made his way across bar being careful to avoid catching the eye of any of the other diners.  On seeing him approach, Finch came straight over.
“Please see my brother’s room and tab are charged to my account,” he instructed smoothly.
“Of course, Mr Mellark.  Have a good evening, sir.”  With a smile she retreated to serve another customer.
“Peeta, wait.” As he turned he found Rye was standing closely behind him. “I’m worried.  We’re brothers.  All I ever wanted was what was best for you. Are we going to be okay?”
“I need some time, Rye.  I need to process how I feel about all this.  This… this was huge.  What happened that night changed the course of my life.”
“Fair enough.” His older brother watched with saddened eyes.  “I understand.  Please call me when you’re ready to talk.  I’ll be waiting.”
#Without looking back again, Peeta walked away.  He didn’t remember bidding goodnight to the doorman, or climbing into the cab that took him home.  He let himself into his apartment, chucking off his suit jacket and loosening his tie before heading straight to the kitchen where he grabbed a bottle of whiskey and a glass.
Peeta flung himself onto his sofa, exhausted, his arm flung across his eyes as he tried to reconcile everything Rye had told him.  He felt like a steamroller had run over him.
Katniss didn’t cheat on him.  Katniss didn’t lie to him.  It wasn’t real.
Katniss didn’t cheat on him.  Katniss didn’t lie to him.  It wasn’t real.
Katniss didn’t cheat on him.  Katniss didn’t lie to him.  It wasn’t real.
Again and again it went around and around in his head.  How it must have hurt her when he’d taken Rye’s word over hers.  How betrayed and alone she must have felt.  A sob caught in his throat. 
“Katniss, I’m sorry, I should have believed you,” he spoke into the shadows of the empty room, feeling hot tears finally burning a path down his cheeks, whether from sorrow or shame he didn’t know.  “I’m sorry, I love you, I’m sorry,” he sobbed until he finally passed out.
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actordougjones · 4 years
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Helen Chavez 1959 ~ 2020
Sitting in silent conflict today, some numbness, many tears, grief, and the happiest memories that make my heart smile. To lose a close friend (whom I referred to as my big sister for the last 16 years) to complications from covid-19 and other health issues, is a blow I could not be prepared for. Yet to sit with my memories of her is a relished joy.
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Many knew her as “Hellmistress” on the Sony Pictures Hellboy message boards in 2003. As I was an occasional visitor in those boards while filming Hellboy, I took special note of the witty, gentle, sarcastic, encouraging posts from this woman I found myself wanting to know more of.
She made her way into those message boards by way of her love for Ron Perlman, as she also was a contributing writer for a site called ThePerlmanPages dot com. But once in there, and once we got to interacting, Helen and I both found kindred spirits in each other, about the same age, about the same irreverent sense of humor.
She jokingly described herself as “windswept and interesting.” When we finally met in person the first time around the premiere events Guillermo del Toro had arranged for these fans of Hellboy in April 2004, I found this description of her to be true.  All I had to hear was that Helen had sold a cow to finance her flight from Scotland, and I knew I was right about this one!  Yes, she and her husband Mark raised cattle on their rural farm outside Aberdeenshire, Scotland.  But she was also a highly knowledgeable archivist at the local museum there.  With a thirst for learning, and a lover of history, artifacts, classic film, TV, music, literature, science fiction, and all things geekery, she did indeed earn her “windswept and interesting” title.
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(Our first in-person meeting after “Hellebration” 2004 with Sony Pictures Hellboy message board regulars, Left to Right: Maurice Mpayamaguru, Dougie, Pat Paone, Helen Chavez - who was so excited to be having a burger with American ketchup!)
She flew away the next day in 2004, but that would not be the last of this Helen. Upon returning home to Scotland, her friend and ThePerlmanPages creator Pat Paone (who had also been on this trip) said something to Helen that lingered in the air... “After this entire ‘Hellebration’ weekend in Los Angeles, do you realize you haven’t stopped talking about Doug Jones?” which struck Helen odd since she was a devout Perlman fan who was gushing about someone other than Ron after a weekend to celebrate a movie in which Ron held the title character.
That’s when I received an email from Helen proposing an official website she wanted to create for me. So was born TheDougJonesExperience dot com, a site that was lovingly poured over and updated by Helen as her pet project that she never let me pay a dime for, no matter how I tried, from 2004 to 2014, when her own life required her to take pause. That pause from the site included finishing up her Masters Degree, still working full time at the museum, still tending the cattle, and now caregiving to her husband’s failing health ... followed by her own health issues.
She was ever the stoic type, though, who never ever, EVER wanted to be a burden on me, so I would rarely hear of her trials in life unless I told her, “I’m not hanging up until you start talking.”  She would always brush off her own issues and turn things back around to doting on me like the protective big sister she loved being.  She also took in Mrs. Laurie as her little sister with great pride.
To sum up the amount of life shared with this incredible woman would take volumes.  Volumes that could be tied together with one thread.... “cheerleader.” She championed me personally and professionally with the kind of care and tireless energy that gave my own mother and Mrs. Laurie a run for their money!
Her cheerleading came in the form of not only that exhaustive website with endless fan correspondence as she wrote with a voice that was uncannily like my own, then later helping administrate “The Tank” forum on DelToroFilms dot com where “FanSapiens” would gather to chat about little ol’ me, but also trips to see me when I was in the United Kingdom for a fan convention in Birmingham, or a make-up trade show in London.  She also ingratiated herself to Guillermo del Toro and was invited to visit our Hellboy II: The Golden Army filming set in Budapest with her old friend Pat Paone, spending a large part of that visit with me through my whole day, from make-up, to the Troll Market set, to lunchtime, to afternoon naps in my trailer for all of us, to touring the city on a rare day off. 
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(During Hellboy 2 set visit 2007 at Budapest, Hungary’s “Hero Square” pictured Left to Right: Pat Paone, Dougie, Helen Chavez)
And I could never tally up the countless hours of phone chats, messenger chats, book-length emails, where she was often celebrating successes with me, calming my nerves when I had failed, giving me some well-needed big sisterly advice on life, or playfully nagging me to sleep and eat more.  Boy, was she ever stern about those last two.  If I even hinted that I had been pushing myself too hard, not sleeping enough, not eating right, she would give me “the look.”  You don’t want “the look.”   It was that raised eyebrows, all-knowing eyes searing into me kind of look, with a probing stare over the top of her glasses into my soul kind of look. You could hide nothing from her when she gave “the look.”
I adored hearing all her tales from her museum, getting history lessons all the while about who used what in what century in what country for what purpose, everything from farm tools to ancient toilet paper.  To keep me in her loop, one year for Christmas she sent me some ancient Roman coins, after I had mentioned how I love looking at coins, waving it off with, “those things are so easy to come by.” Her gifts were always accompanied by authentic Scottish shortbread cookies.  But my favorite story of hers was the mummy head she had no better place for, so he lived under her desk ... for years.  And of course, she named him “Marlon.”
I’ve always been a hugger, but Helen is the one who taught me about “Bosies.” The difference being that a Bosie is a huggle that doesn’t need to end anytime soon, where you envelop the other person in a cradle that makes them feel safe.  She was masterful at those Bosies.
I could tell Helen stories for hours, as could so many of you puppies whose lives she touched with her listening skills, mentorship, and her tireless encouragement to keep all of us creatives reaching for our dreams.
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(Pictued at “Hellebration” 2008 with “FanSapiens” Left to Right: Tim Rosenberger, Katie McGregor, Helen Chavez, Stephanie Metz, Dougie, Kate Daley, Seth Lombardi)
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(Pictured at Hellboy 2 premiere after party 2008 with DelToroFilms regulars; Top row: Paul Kindschi, Gary Deocampo, Maurice Mpayamaguru. Bottom row: Helen Chavez, Dougie)
But I’ll leave you with one last story.  It was 2008, and we flew Helen out to Los Angeles (I didn’t want her to sell another cow) to join all the festivities for the premiere week of Hellboy II: The Golden Army, and to see the finished product of the film set she visited with me the year before. Everything from having a salon day with Mrs. Laurie to get all done up for the red carpet premiere, and the next day she was sporting a fancy fish-print top to dutifully lead Team Blue (those beloved FanSapiens) at the Del Toro sponsored “Hellebration” party and screening night. Another experience I wanted to give her that week was her first press junket, so Mrs. Laurie gladly went to her own job that day, and Helen went with me down to the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills, where many film press junkets take place on a floor full of press suites. These are high energy days, as one after another, TV, radio, print, and dot com journalists interview us back to back all day. Helen watched from behind the monitors with Publicist John, and every time I glanced over, she was just beaming as she gave me a thumbs-up. At the end of this marathon day, we were heading home in the back of the studio-hired limo, and my eyes were getting droopy in the dark.  Helen glanced over the top of her glasses with “the look” and said with all the doting mother, favorite auntie, protective big sister she had in her, “Awe, little brother mine, come here.” I leaned my head onto her shoulder, while she pet my hair and told me how overjoyed she was with this phase of my life, and how watching me handle all the press that day made her “buttons burst with pride,” a phrase she used many a time. She always knew how to bring such peace, such calm, such encouragement, such a safe harbor.  The next thing I knew the car stopped in front of the house, and I awoke with her still holding my weary head.
Oh how I wish for one more limo ride.  One more chance to soak in her uplifting words, so I might know how to handle whatever comes next.
She went by many names -- Hellmistress, Webmaster Helen, or her preferred “Webmistress” Helen, Auntie Helen, Mentor Helen, Therapist Helen, Dear Friend Helen, Big Sister Helen, but there was only one Helen in this wacky world. She leaves a void that no one else can fill. It’s painful how much I miss her already.
I pray the angels gave her a thrilling ride to her rightful place in Heaven.  I can almost feel her gaze again right now, as she sits at the edge of a crescent moon, tilts her gaze down over the top of her glasses and gives me “the look”.....
Alright, Big Sis, I’ll eat something and get to sleep now. 
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argumentl · 3 years
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The Freedom of Expression Ep 12 - After the  increase in drinking at home, Tamabukuro Sujitaro's local Chinese restaurant tv program is hugely popular.
K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru, starting this episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome again...Well, how's it going recently? In these trying times?
J: Recently, I've been wearing a mask.
T: Right, your mask.
K: Um, just so i don't cause trouble around me today, Im gonna wear a mask, I thought i should.
T: The distance between us too...We're social distancing.
K: Yeah, kinda.
J: There's more space than usual.
K: So, how's it been?
J: Well, I've been doing radio, but in terms of interviews..its really dried up.
T: Ahh, me too.
J: Well, basically, artists, they're in a situation where live shows aren't happening, so there is no so-called promotion going on.
K: Thats right.
J: So, rather than meeting directly to talk, they are doing interviews by email, or such. I've been spending longer at home, so I've been watching movies, and stuff.
T, K: Yeah.
J: Watching erotic movies and stuff.
K, T: *laugh*
K: Thats just normal for you though, right?
T: Its the same.
J: Well, I havn't changed in that respect.
T: Well, Joe, you've been watching movies. But my kids are also having time off..
J: Oh right.
T: Im with them all day, so i have no time to watch movies.
J: You don't watch them at all?
K: *To J* 'You don't watch them?'??
T: I can't, I don't have time. I take the kids to the park in the morning, I make them run about 5 laps, at least try to wear them out a bit *K, J laugh*
J: You make your kids run?
T: Yeah, if I wear them out, Im thinking how much earlier I can get them to bed. Then I'll have one or two hours to myself.
J: Oh right.
T: And then I'll have an evening drink or something, I do get a break doing this show though, but today I brought some news about how this kind of situation is happening in the world right now.
K: Okay, go ahead.
T: Its really typical Tokyo Sports news, but with this increase in drinking at home, a certain food tv show is very popular...a tv show specializing in local Chinese restaurants. The TV show 'Machi chuuka de yarouze' on BS - TBS has become popular.
J: Local Chinese restaurants?
T: Do you know it?
J: No no, I don't have a tv at home, so I have no idea. But I personally love local Chinese restaurants. Generally, if I go to different areas, if there is a butcher, I'll buy a pork cutlet and eat it straight away, if there is a local Chinese restaurant I'll have fried rice there...its how I test out new areas. 
T: What about you Kaoru, do you like local Chinese restaurants?
K: I love them. I also watch that show a lot. *the others laugh*
J: What type of show is it?
K: Well..they just go to these restaurants, drink beer, pick something to eat, and ???*1
J: Just that?
T: They eat stuff like fried rice, gyoza/dumplings, ??*2, and drink beer.
J: I see.
T: And its like people at home can watch it and drink beer too, its popular.
J: I see. By the way, Kaoru, when you go to local Chinese restaurants, what do you order? Your must have order?
K: Hmm, Liver and chives or..
J: Ohh yes.
T: Yeah, I like that.
J: Thats a good one.
T: How about gyouza?
K: Yeah, gyouza too.
T: And fried rice.
J: Fried rice is my...its my best way to really test out the skill of the restaurant, whether they are cooking properly...its fried rice.
K: But I always eat too much.
J: Yeah, yeah. Its best if you share it with a group*3, but if you are by yourself, and having beer, the calories stack up.
K: They do.
T: After we introduced this topic, Tokyo Sports' Twitter was abuzz with comments from all over the country saying, 'I love this too!'. It really seems like everyone loves these kinds of restaurants.
J: Ahh, really? But recently, it seems like they are starting to disappear a bit. There's this so-called 'successor problem', and especially in the city, and with the run up to the Olympics too, a lot of these places which make me say, 'Ahh, I like this', are disappearing. Its like, 'Oh, that place has gone?! I liked thier daily specials!'. To me, Japan's local chinese restaurants are..???*4
T: But also a lot of places can't open because of Corona.
K: Some are starting to do take-out outside,  right?
J: Yeh, they are.
T: Even with that, its tough for them though. I wish people would go to them *5
J: Yeahh. Don't they have those old style tables with the thin legs? With that, and a beer, and the tv..its a nice image.
T: Its like its unchanged from a long time ago.
J: It is.
K: I also like chinese noodes/soba.
J: Ah, yeah.
T: Those are good.
K: I feel like drinking beer now.
J: Should we do a Freedom of Expression special while having a drink sometime?
K: We should.
T: That would be good.
J: Lets do it sometime.
K: It should be fine. Drinking on air is not banned, right?
J: No, its fine.
T: What do you drink Kaoru? Gari..
K: Gari chuhai (Chuhai with pickled ginger)
J: Gari chuhai?
T: I wanna drink that.
K: Should we do it?
J: Lets do it! Yeah, lets. Everyone's doing online drinking parties now, right?
T: That sounds good.
K: Oh, they are, yeah.
T: There are like zoom drinking parties, using that app.
K: Wouldn't that be interesting?
T: I wonder.
K: There are a lot of people saying its fun, right? Cause they can't really talk properly otherwise.
J: Ahh, probably. There are a lot of days when I don't talk at all, except for if the supermarket staff asks me if I want a bag, and I say , 'No thank you'. Then I think, 'Ah, the only thing I said today was "No thank you"!'. There are days like that aren't there?
K: There are.
J: There are, aren't there?! Kaoru, you must have days when you are working, where you don't speak at all?
K: Yeah, I don't talk at all. I communicate with the members but its all by text..like on Skype's  chatroom or something. I don't use my voice at all.
J: Really?
K: The only voice is from the track im listening to.
J: Don't you ever have the desire to talk?
K: Hmm, you can be more matter-of-fact with text rather than speaking.
J: Well, yes.
K: When you speak..for example, it can sound as if you're speaking with emotion, can't it?
J: Yeah, you attach an intonation to it.
K: Like, 'Hmm, its a bit...' or, 'Yeah, its good...'...Somehow communicating on Line is more...like 'He should talk first', or..
J: I see.
K: If you hear thier voice, you think, 'Oh, he likes it', or 'He hates it'...you attach extra meanings..
J, T: I see.
K: So to avoid that, reading text is better.
J: So generally, the members always communicate by text?
K: Yes. Always like this, using chat.
T: When do you speak then?
K: We don't speak. *the others laugh*
J: You're a band who never speaks.
K: We don't. In our dressing rooms and such, we really don't talk. *others laughing* Really.
J: So when you are on tour, you don't talk about stuff with the members?
K: Really, with our drummer, these past twenty or so years, the amount I've talked with him woudn't fill a day. *others laugh*
J: If you compressed it all together, right? Only about 24 hours?
K: Yeah, yeah.
J: Thats amazing.
T: The Dir en grey members should all go out to a chinese restaurant together.
K: That sounds good.
T: What kind of scene would that be?!
J: I wanna see that!
T: Me too!
J: We need a members' chinese restaurant drinking party someday.
T: That would be great.
J: Tokyo Sports could cover it.
T: Really?
J: An exclusive.
T: Yeah, an exclusive.
J: Wouldn't it be?
K: Well, we've no idea what will happen.
J: True.
K: But there's a possibility.
T: For sure.
J: Well, its an option.
Kami: Um..
J: Oh, its Kami!
Kami: Theres a great little chinese restaurant in Roppongi.
J: Eh? Do you know Roppongi well, Kami?
Kami: Yeah, I do.
J: Whats the place, can you say the name?
Kami: The name...what was it again, I forgot.
J: You forgot?
K: *laughs*
J: He comes in with this, and forgets?
Kami: Um, what makes it great is that its really quick.
J, K: Ahh.
K: Chinese food is good if it comes quickly.
T: Yeah, for sure.
Kami: Its really quick.
T: How quick?
Kami: I timed it.
T: You timed it?!
Kami: The food came out in two mins.
J: What did you order?
Kami: Liver and chives came out in two mins.
J, T: Two mins!
K: Thats quick!
J: It might have been something they had already made in advance?
Kami: No, it was hot, it was really delicious.
J: How much was it?
Kami: The price was cheap too.
T: By the way, what do you like to drink with chinese food?
Kami: Alcohol? Beer.
J: Of course, with chinese food, its beer, right?
Kami: I like gyouza with beer.
T: Gyoyza with beer.
K: Ahh
J: The most basic of basics.
T: So, in this tv show, there's this guy called Tamabukuro. He has a saying that the size of a  large beer, 633mls, should be compulsory education for adults.
J: I see. Well, everyone, please..chinese food..
K: If there's anyone who wants us to go to thier restaurant...
J: Oh, yes! Lets make an appeal!
T: Lets do it! It will be fun.
J: Well, if there's anyone interested, please contact us here *points to bottom of screen*
To any restaurant owners out there.
K: Yes, please....Well, for now..
J: Oh, we're finishing?
K: Shall we finish here?
J: Yeah, cause we're wearing masks, keeping my glasses free of fog is..
K: They are fogging up a bit.
J: They do. Why don't you guys' glasses fog up? Do you use anti-fog?
K: You have to put your mask up, and your glasses on top of it.
J: Oh, is that it? *adjusts glasses*  Like this? Don't I look stupid like this?
K: Well...
J: Is this ok? If I put the mask up..
K: Yeah, thats too far up. *laughs*
J: We don't wear a mask a home though, right?
K, T: No, we don't.
J: Im not that used to it.
K: Oh, indoors?
J: Yeah, indoors. I've learnt how to do my mask now...from next time.
K: Ok, please watch again next time, and please subscribe.
J, T: Please.
K: Thank you very much.
*1,2,4 Couldn't catch these bits.
*3,5 I think thats what is being meant.
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awed-frog · 4 years
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Do you have any advice for someone who’s really struggling to study? I’m really stressed and demotivated, and I can’t seem to sit down and just study. In my country we only have virtual classes so maybe It has something to do with that, it’s really sad that it’s my first college year and I haven’t attended one single face to face class. Anyway, If you have any kind words I would really appreciate it. Love your blog btw <3
Hey! Thank you for this! And I’m very sorry you feel that way...just know you’re not alone, I think we’re all a bit ‘what’s the point’ rn, and for students (and teachers) this period must suck especially hard. I don’t know exactly what can work for you, but here are a few things that come to mind. I hope you can find something useful!
Have habits and routines. Our days are all over the place, which is not good for motivation or mental health. Instead of procrastinating, feeling guilty, working in a hurry and then feeling even worse, decide on a schedule that works for you. Don’t be too hard on yourself - give it as much time as you need to do the work well, and devote the rest of your day to stuff that makes you feel accomplished and serene (maybe learn or practice a non-screen skill, such as cooking or painting?).
And: at risk of sounding like a yoga mom, don’t forget about your body. Very often stuff like bad mood or exhaustion has physical, not mental, causes. Try to make time for sport - dancing in your underwear, running outside, walking the dog, online pilates, a 7-minute app - and, if you can, a few minutes of meditation, singing or breathing exercises every day. I’d recommend the ‘cardiac coherence’ stuff - lasts about 3 minutes, makes you feel really great. And: remember to stretch, smile and drink water throughout the day. If possible, go outside or have plants and flowers around you.
When it comes to habit, try to understand what kind of person you are and react accordingly. Some people work best when they change cold turkey (new day, new me), while for others it’s better to adjust things more slowly (for instance by moving the alarm clock forward five minutes every week or two). If you’re the second type, a method like Pomodoro could work well to organize your work schedule. 
Have pretty things. Try switching to ink or coloured pens, have nice stationery, organize your Word documents so they’re neat and tidy, use candles, plants, ‘good mood’ incense - whatever makes you feel your work has meaning and worth.
Try background music. Some people work better with noise, and you can find all kind of noises online, from stations to coffee shops to purring cats. Others like classical music. For me, what works is video game music, which is designed to keep you alert and focused while being unobtrusive.
Try to keep your workspace as similar as possible to a ‘real’ workspace. No stack of dirty mugs and plates, no abandoned pajama bottoms. If you can manage it, start your day as if you were actually going outside - dress for actual human company, put on make-up if you like to - and remember to prepare your desk the night before: textbooks, charged laptop, notebooks, water bottle, possibly a diary or a motivational quote or anything you find useful.
If it helps, study with friends or classmates. Have video meetings, chats or shared Google docs and work together. Rant with people who’re going through the same thing, but also find a way to help one another. If you live with flatmates or family members, maybe you can find a moment to work together on your separate things? Dad does admin, mom prepares a work presentation, you do your homework and that’s ‘work time’ for everyone?
Divide your tasks. Make clear lists of what you have to do - as detailed as possible (not: shakespeare essay, but: 1. read book, 2. write essay, 2b. introduction and so on) and pay attention to when the stuff is due, either writing it down in agendas or post-its or creating alerts on your phone. Some people also like the square of doom (you know, that ‘important + urgent’, ‘important + non urgent’ thingy).  
Keep track of what you’re doing if you find it helps you. There are good apps for this, or you can use a nice journal or an Excel sheet. Track whatever you want - minutes of study, words learned, tasks accomplished...a favourite of mine is ‘a time logger’, which can track your entire day. When I was in uni, it made me realize I was working a lot more than I thought, and reaching daily goals kept me motivated.
Rethink your internet consumption, especially news, TV shows and social media. Try having periods where you go off-screen whenever you need a break. Stuff like, ‘no TV before 6 pm’ or ‘no tumblr on weekdays’ can automatically make you a lot less stressed and a lot more productive. 
You can also decide to modify the way you engage with these things. For instance, if your studies involve a language, you could watch only TV shows in [language], or turn on [language] subtitles, or you could switch to Buzzfeed [country]. If you like IG, pinterest or tumblr, try having a separate ‘weekday’ account which is about healthy escapism and/or accountability: landscapes and poetry instead of fandom content, or a personal blog about your day - use the right tags and connect with others who’re going through the same thing.    
Imagine you’re teaching someone. I’m guessing you’re passionate about your subject, so turn your study sessions into imaginary conversations. Teaching a lesson (or making a speech) is often the best way to see what you understand, what you need to work on, and what you’re interested in learning more about.
Websites like b-ok can help you find books about your subject (or not) - possibly stuff you’re not actually compelled to read, but which sounds interesting nonetheless. Broaden your horizon, discover different stuff, and sooner or later you’ll find yourself making connections between the exciting stuff you’re basically reading for fun and the actual subject you’re studying.
And: remember why you’re studying this. What are you passionate about? Why did you fall in love with your subject? Why are you studying it? Sometimes we have to endure a few boring classes to get to the good part, and that’s okay.
And finally: visualize the future. The world will get better, and at some point you’ll be glad you’ve spent a few (or many) hard and boring hours getting your degree. What are you going to do after this? Make a ‘future’ board, write a fake Wikipedia article about yourself, give a Nobel or graduation speech, give a pep talk to your (imaginary) future children about the hardships you faced on Zoom and how you overcame them to become the mom they know and love. Whatever works, no matter how ridiculous or narcissistic or far-fetched is a good thing!
I hope this helps! Remember to remain calm and positive, and talk to yourself as if you were talking to a child or a best friend. Less You suck and the world is going to end and more Yes, you didn’t do great today, but we can always do better tomorrow, it’s okay to have an off day! Uni is hard enough under any circumstances, and right now...do your best and resist the bait of dark thoughts: we will get through this, and everything will be alright. It’s how it works.
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birdlord · 3 years
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Everything I Watched in 2020
We’ll start with movies. The number in parentheses is the year of release, asterisks denote a re-watch, and titles in bold are my favourite watches of the year. Here’s 2019’s list. 
01 Little Women (19)
02 The Post (17) 
03 Molly’s Game (17)
04 * Doctor No (62)
05 Groundhog Day (93)
06 *Star Trek IV - The Voyage Home (86)
07 Knives Out (19) My last theatre experience (sob)
08 Professor Marston and his Wonder Women (17)
09 Les Miserables (98)
10 Midsommar (19) I’m not sure how *good* it is, but it does stick in the ol’ brain
11 *Manhattan Murder Mystery (93)
12 Marriage Story (19)
13 Kramer vs Kramer (79)
14 Jojo Rabbit (19)
15 J’ai perdu mon corps (19) a cute animated film about a hand detached from its body!
16 1917 (19)
17 Married to the Mob (88)
18 Klaus (19)
19 Portrait of a Lady on Fire (19) If Little Women made me want to wear a scarf criss-crossed around my torso, this one made me want to wear a cloak
20 The Last Black Man in San Francisco (19)
21 *Lawrence of Arabia (62)
22 Gone With the Wind (39)
23 Kiss Me Deadly (55)
24 Dredd (12)
25 Heartburn (86) heard a bunch about this one in the Blank Check series on Nora Ephron, sadly after I’d watched it
26 The Long Shot (19)
27 Out of Africa (85)
28 King Kong (46)
29 *Johnny Mnemonic (95)
30 Knocked Up (07)
31 Collateral (04)
32 Bird on a Wire (90)
33 The Black Dahlia (05)
34 Long Time Running (17)
35 *Magic Mike (12)
36 Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead (07)
37 Cold War (18)
38 *Kramer Vs Kramer (79) yes I watched this a few months before! This was a pandemic friend group co-watch.
39 *Burn After Reading (08)
40 Last Holiday (50)
41 Fly Away Home (96)
42 *Moneyball (11) I’m sure I watch this every two years, at most??
43 Last Holiday (06) the Queen Latifah version of the 1950 movie above, lacking, of course, the brutal “poor people don’t deserve anything good” ending
44 *Safe (95)
45 Gimme Shelter (70)
46 The Daytrippers (96)
47 Experiment in Terror (62)
48 Tucker: The Man and His Dream (88)
49 My Brilliant Career (79) one of the salvations of 2020 was watching movies “with” friends. Our usual method was to video chat before the movie, sync our streaming services, and text-chat while the movie was on. 
50 Divorce Italian Style (61)
51 *Gosford Park (01) another classic comfort watch, fuck I love a G. Park
52 Hopscotch (80)
53 Brief Encounter (45)
54 Hud (63)
55 Ocean’s 8 (18)
56 *Beverly Hills Cop (84)
57 Blow the Man Down (19)
58 Constantine (05)
59 The Report (19) maddening!! How are people so consistently terrible to one another!
60 Everyday People (04)
61 Anatomy of a Murder (58)
62 Spiderman: Homecoming (17)
63 *To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (95) Of the 90s drag road movies, Priscilla is more visually striking, but this has its moments.
64 Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (92)
65 *The Truman Show (98)
66 Mona Lisa (86)
67 The Blob (58)
68 The Guard (11)
69 *Waiting for Guffman (96) RIP Fred Willard
70 Rocketman (19)
71 Outside In (18)
72 The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (08) how strange to see a movie that you have known the premise for, but no details of, for over a decade
73 *Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country (91)
74 The Reader (08)
75 Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (19) This was fine until it VERY MUCH WAS NOT FINE
76 The End of the Affair (99) you try to watch a fun little romp about infidelity during the Blitz, and Graham Greene can’t help but shoehorn in a friggin crisis of religious faith
77 Must Love Dogs (05) barely any dog content, where are the dogs at
78 The Rainmaker (97)
79 *Batman & Robin (97)
80 National Lampoon’s Vacation (83) Never seen any of the non-xmas Vacations, didn’t realize the children are totally different, not just actors but ages! Also, this one is blatantly racist!
81 *Mystic Pizza (88)
82 Funny Girl (68)
83 The Sons of Katie Elder (65)
84 *Knives Out (19) another re-watch within the same year!! How does this keep happening??
85 *Scott Pilgrim Vs The World (10) a real I-just-moved-away-from-Toronto nostalgia watch
86 Canadian Bacon (92) vividly recall this VHS at the video store, but I never saw it til 2020
87 *Blood Simple (85)
88 Brittany Runs a Marathon (19)
89 The Accidental Tourist (88)
90 August Osage County (13) MELO-DRAMA!!
91 Appaloosa (08)
92 The Firm (93) Feeling good about how many iconic 80s/90s video store stalwarts I watched in 2020
93 *Almost Famous (00)
94 Whisper of the Heart (95)
95 Da 5 Bloods (20)
96 Rain Man (88)
97 True Stories (86)
98 *Risky Business (83) It’s not about what you think it’s about! It never was!
99 *The Big Chill (83)
100 The Way We Were (73)
101 Safety Last (23) It’s getting so that I might have to add the first two digits to my dates...not that I watch THAT many movies from the 1920s...
102 Phantasm (79)
103 The Burrowers (08)
104 New Jack City (91)
105 The Vanishing (88)
106 Sisters (72)
107 Puberty Blues (81) Little Aussie cinema theme, here
108 Elevator to the Gallows (58)
109 Les Diaboliques (55)
110 House (77) haha WHAT no really W H A T
111 Death Line (72)
112 Cranes are Flying (57)
113 Holes (03)
114 *Lady Vengeance (05)
115 Long Weekend (78)
116 Body Double (84)
117 The Crazies (73) I love that Romero shows the utter confusion that would no doubt reign in the case of any kind of disaster. Things fall apart.
118 Waterlilies (07)
119 *You’re Next (11)
120 Event Horizon (97)
121 Venom (18) I liked it, guys, way more than most superhero fare. Has a real sense of place and the place ISN’T New York!
122 Under the Silver Lake (18) RIP Night Call
123 *Blade Runner (82)
124 *The Birds (62) interesting to see now that I’ve read the story it came from
125 *28 Days Later (02) hits REAL FUCKIN’ DIFFERENT in a pandemic
126 Life is Sweet (90)
127 *So I Married an Axe Murderer (93) find me a more 90s movie, I dare you (it’s not possible)
128 Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (67)
129 The Pelican Brief (93) 90s thrillers continue!
130 Dick Johnston is Dead (20)
131 The Bridges of Madison County (95)
132 Earth Girls are Easy (88) Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum are so hot in this movie, no wonder they got married 
133 Better Watch Out (16)
134 Drowning Mona (00) trying for something like the Coen bros and not getting there
135 Au Revoir Les Enfants (87)
136 *Chasing Amy (97) Affleck is the least alluring movie lead...ever? I also think I gave Joey Lauren Adams’ character short shrift in my memory of the movie. It’s not good, but she’s more complicated than I recalled. 
137 Blackkklansman (18)
138 Being Frank (19)
139 Kiki’s Delivery Service (89)
140 Uncle Frank (20) why so many FRANKS
141 *National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (89) watching with pals (virtually) made it so much more fun than the usual yearly watch!
142 Half Baked (98) another, more secret Toronto nostalgia pic - RC Harris water filtration plant as a prison!
143 We’re the Millers (13)
144 All is Bright (13)
145 Defending Your Life (91)
146 Christmas Chronicles (18) I maintain that most new xmas movies are terrible, particularly now that Netflix churns them out like eggnog every year. 
147 Spiderman: Into the Spider-Verse (18)
148 Reindeer Games (00) what did I say about Affleck??!? WHAT DID I SAY
149 Palm Springs (20)
150 Happiest Season (20)
151 *Metropolitan (90) it’s definitely a Christmas movie
152 Black Christmas (74)
THEATRE:HOME - 2:150 (thanks pandemic)
I usually separate out docs and fiction, but I watched almost no documentaries this year (with the exception of Dick Johnston). Reality is real enough. 
TV Series
01 - BoJack Horseman (final season) - Pretty damned poignant finish to the show, replete with actual consequences for our reformed bad boy protagonist (which is more than you can say for most antiheroes of Peak TV).
02 - *Hello Ladies - I enjoy the pure awkwardness of seeing Stephen Merchant try to perform being a Regular Person, but ultimately this show tips him too far towards a nasty, Ricky Gervais-lite sort of persona. Perhaps he was always best as a cameo appearance, or lip synching with wild eyes while Chrissy Teigen giggles?
03 - Olive Kittredge - a rough watch by times. I read the book as well, later in the year. Frances Mcdormand was the best, possibly the only, casting option for the flinty lead. One episode tips into thriller territory, which is a shock. 
04 - *The Wire S3, S4, S5 - lockdown culture! It was interesting to rewatch this, then a few months later go through an enormous, culture-level reappraisal of cop-centred narratives. 
05 - Forever - a Maya Rudolph/Fred Armisen joint that coasts on the charm of its leads. The premise is OK, but I wasn’t left wanting any more at the end. 
06 - *Catastrophe - a rewatch when my partner decided he wanted to see it, too!
07 - Red Oak - resolutely “OK” steaming dramedy, relied heavily on some pretty obvious cues to get across its 1980s setting. 
08 - Little Fires Everywhere - gulped this one down while in 14-day isolation, delicious! Every 90s suburban mom had that SUV, but not all of them had the requisite **secrets**
09 - The Great - fun historical comedy/drama! Costumes: lush. Actors: amusing. Race-blind casting: refreshing!
10 - The Crown S4 - this is the season everyone lost their everloving shit for, since it’s finally recent enough history that a fair chunk of the viewing audience is liable to recall it happening. 
11 - Ted Lasso - we resisted this one for a while (thought I did enjoy the ad campaign for NBC sports (!!) that it was based on). My view is that its best point was the comfort that the men on the show have (or develop, throughout the season) with the acknowledgement and sharing of their own feelings. Masculinity redux. 
12 - Moonbase 8 - Goodnatured in a way that makes you certain they will be crushed. 
13 - The Good Lord Bird - Ethan Hawke is really aging into the character actor we always hoped he would be! 
14 - Hollywood - frothy wish-fulfillment alternate history. I think the show would have been improved immeasurably by skipping the final episode.
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pesach-03 · 3 years
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Making New Cultural Tradition on Easter and Pesach 2022 programs
Communitas is a coordinated effort that rouses and revives while reaffirming a relationship inside an area. As displayed by Turner (1995), building networks is a focal advancement to actuating a local sound family working, solid kid improvement, and different pieces of accomplishment. It's anything but a decent tendency that gathers up twistings for people and parties. Here is one portrayal of a piece of the work I've finished with my own family as a development master to make communitas and expand great feelings. As we approach Pesach 2022 projects and Easter, maybe you will consider the force you have at building new certain practices inside the way of life of your own affiliations. I call this Social-Emotional Leadership, which starts with your deliberateness and love.
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Ho Hum Holiday
I have had the extraordinary karma of being ordinarily familiar with a gigantic, Italian family, for which I am totally and totally grateful. With aunties, uncles, and cousins, we are thirty individuals solid. For the most part, we see each other on occasions, which are dependably about eating up and happiness; the occasions are worked with around a ton of food and reward. The men of the family regularly hurry to the TV to watch the rounds of the day; others of us less amped up for sports stay in the parlor to eat and swallow or to kibitz about the food and drink. This preparation was feeling old.
I appreciated the essential for Social-Emotional Leadership inside my own affiliation two years sooner when I saw probably the most lively individual from our get-together appearance and some disturbing practices on Easter. This little youth joined the men in the family room in a bright wagering pool that my Uncle Charlie, a patriarch of our family, coordinated in remarkable redirection for the ball game. In any case, as this adolescent shared, I saw his physical and eager reactions to first reasoning he was winning and therefore, through an unexpected unforeseen improvement in the game, thinking he was losing these obviously satisfying wagers. His energized and genuine responses were incredibly vexatious to me; I saw him typify credible force and from there on ensured outrage practically inside a relative second.
Most badly designed was that we permitted his eager crazy ride to proceed without intercession. Actually, none of the different grown-ups had every one of the reserves of being at all angry about his responses like a pink elephant were in that expansive locale in the family room and we were all researching around it, or more shocking, in no event, seeing it utilizing all methods.
The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree
Regardless, when I remained back to see, I grasped that the practices the youngster was showing were especially according to what has been shown for him by me and different individuals from our affiliation. Sincere practices (those that pass on us to limits) away from what Aristotle marks as control), including in any case not restricted to betting, are abnormal, a multi-generational issue that impacts our affiliation; for what reason may we expect that a child's reality should be any amazing except for if we expected it to be so?
The apple not falling a long way from the tree is no issue, to the degree that the tree is solid and fundamentally got a comfortable supporting bed of soil, tended to and genuinely revolved around, by the specific outside decorators who live off of it. Social-Emotional Leaders are exuberant nursery workers.
A Whole Lot of Fun
So a year preceding Easter, I chose to go most likely as a Social-Emotional Leader to present another custom that could be joined into our work regardless of our standard festival. I welcomed my family's advantage in a Nintendo Wii tennis competition. Everybody took an interest in the fragment three ages - even individuals who were all things considered hesitant. As social occasions were up to play, they got an arrangement round to get the energy of the Wii, and a brief time frame later, it was on to the resistance. Very quickly, bundles were concocting strategies and gaining some exceptional experiences.
My nephew, Michael, and cousin, Tracy arose as victors, and during the last round of the resistance, the energy, and power that came from the family room was an undeniable sign that my goal was reached. Thus, a premium in other indoor and open-air games was made that day, and get-togethers routinely illustrated how to share. This shows the compelling impact of good tendency and that as friendly capital is made, it begins to develop significantly.
Your Call to Action
As we approach demanding occasions this season, I encourage you to consider what you bring to the table as a Social-Emotional Leader, should you decide to be. Put on your development master cover and consider what happens when you call great feelings, purposefully, and how this space could assist you with making another custom for the way of life of your affiliation. My proposition to you is to be innovative, utilize your qualities, and affect another Social-Emotional Leader or two to help you on the way. In a little while, I can scarcely stand by until our second yearly Wii Tournament this Easter!
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Survey #310
“i get pretty just to fuck my face up.”
Do you have a clock in your room? No. What book, movie, TV show, or video game have you been wanting to start up? I *want* to read The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, but I care more about reading Wings of Fire, so I probably realistically won't for a long time. I don't read enough for that; Sutherland will surely keep pumping out books in the series so I'll never catch up, haha. As for a movie, I've been interested in seeing Jacob's Ladder for a very long time; it served as a very large influence on the Silent Hill series, and boy, anyone who brings up video games in front of me knows SH is my SHIT. I also just know I'm bound to like it with how essentially legendary it is in the psychological horror genre, which is my favorite. Onto TV show, I'm not certain. Shows don't really interest me. I would like to keep watching A:TLA w/ Sara, but "start up" implies beginning something new, so. Lastly, video games. There are a LOT of games I want to play, but yeah, I have no operational gaming console above a PS2. I'm dyinnnngggggg to play a ton of PS4 remasters (namely the original Spyro the Dragon trilogy and SoTC), but as for a fresh game I've never experienced, Ico, which is from the same producers of Shadow of the Colossus. It's an old game, and Mom's bought it off of Ebay for me twice, but neither disc worked - they froze only minutes into the game. It's hella expensive in new condition though because of its age... so who knows when I'll actually get to play it. Do you put anything else on your grilled cheese sandwiches? Just butter. Have you ever read a book in a different language? I've read some simple fairy tales as well as the play Faust in German courses. Do you want to go to the Harry Potter theme park at Universal? I have no connection with the franchise, but I mean, I'd go if you're paying, haha. If you had a secret room in your house, how would you decorate it? I'm trying to think what kind of room I'd keep a secret... Ha, actually, IF my love of tarantulas expands so largely to having dozens (which I doubt, but I acknowledge the possibility once I get my own place), a room kept on the down low to others just for them would be pretty cool. Imagine someone not knowing they're sharing a house with like, a hundred Ts, haha. As for actual decor, I'm unsure. I'd definitely keep it generally dark for them as nocturnal creatures, maybe with some Halloween decorations, like lots of fake webbing and neon green or orange lights. Man... that sounds dope. What did you get your dad for his last birthday? I couldn't buy him anything, nor did I actually make anything since I didn't know what to create. I just told him happy birthday, of course. Do any of your relatives live in another country? No. Are you claustrophobic? In some spaces, yes. Ever seen Blair Witch? Without spoilers, you know "that part" near the end? Yeah, if you've seen it, you know. That would be a fucking NIGHTMARE for me. Even watching it made me squirm. When grocery shopping, do you usually buy brand names or store brand? With most items anyway, we just get the store brand bc we cheap. Around what time do you usually eat dinner? Generally between 5:30-6:30 nowadays. Do you have any clothing that you get dry cleaned? No. Do you like foods with coconut in it? Eugh, not a coconut fan. I don't hate it as much as I used to, but I still don't like it. Have you ever researched your family history? No, but some past relative researched our family tree. Have you ever had surgery that kept you in the hospital for over a day? No. Do you like carrots more if they’re raw, or cooked? I hate carrots. Did you play with Legos as a kid? Nah, I was more into Lincoln Logs. Which bothers you more… spelling mistakes or bad grammar? It really depends on the severity and simplicity of the spelling or grammar rule. Grammatical misuse of "there/their/they're" stand out very strongly to me, though. Have you ever bought anything off of eBay? Yeah, a good number of things. Is anybody in your family schizophrenic? If so, what is their life like? I have a scizophrenic half-sister that I've never met, so I couldn't tell you. How organized is your mind? How do you know it's organized/disorganized? My mind is running Windows '98 with multiple windows and even more tabs open, all of them not responding. :^) Why do you follow the religion that you do? I don't follow one. My personal religious journey was a train wreck liberating to jump off of. Do you feel superior to others because you're that religion? I don't care if you're atheist, Christian, Buddhist, Islamic, whatever - you are by no means superior to another person in any way just because you believe different things happen once you die. If you do, it's time for some introspection. Are you a blind believer, or do you frequently challenge your own beliefs? Seeing as I went from Catholic to Christian to briefly Neo-Pagan-ish to what I am now, just believing there's some higher power/knowledge and some form of sentience after death, I obviously challenge them. What's the greatest thing about science? Life itself. This universe, this planet, your state of just knowing is a product of science, and that's pretty damn beautiful. Are you emotional or very stolid? I know I'm too emotional. I'm trying to get better about it. Do your siblings look like you? To a degree, but not NEARLY as much as they look like each other. Ashley and Nicole have been mistaken multiple times in their lives and even asked if they're twins. How many states have you lived in? Just this shitty one. How many states have you traveled through/vacationed in? Traveled through, a whole lot. Up and down the east coast. I've stayed in New York, Florida, Ohio, Illinois, South Carolina briefly, and I think possibly Michigan as a baby. Which state was/is your favorite? I don't know. Not NC, haha. You have two weeks alone in any place in the world; where would you go? Alone? Um... I dunno. I'd get lonely through two weeks in absolute isolation. How old were you when you first moved out of your parents' home? I want to say I was 18 when I briefly "moved in" with Jason and our roommates. Did you ever have to move back in? Yeah; the apartment didn't last very long. None of us were ready. How old were you when you thought you were "in love" for the first time? I was in love at 16. I'd fight God literally for eternity to prove that fact. How many exterior doors are in your home? Two, or maybe three, depending on your outlook. We have like this deck in the back with a roof and mesh separating you from the outside, and then you properly go into the yard from the door beyond that. How many cars have you owned? I myself, none. How many email accounts do you have? Ummmm my very first one I misspelled, so I didn't use it long before making a new one with the correct spelling, then later I had no choice but to make a Gmail to use YouTube, and I know I've had at least one email specifically for school. I'm probably forgetting some other oldies I used for small things. What was the last movie you watched alone? The Shining. What (if any) one television program do you watch religiously every day/week? None. What (if any) is your favorite sport? Dance. Scoff at that shit and then try one dance session and tell me it's not one. What is your favorite musical? None. Have you ever seen a live opera production? No. Dressing up for an evening out: Pants or skirt? Pants. I don't show my legs. What do you currently hear right now? I'm listening to Dance With the Dead's "The Man Who Made a Monster." I LOVE the aesthetic of synthwave and rock mixed together, but the only problem I have with this song is that it's very repetitive. Still stuck in my head though, haha. What type of survey do you refuse to take? I'm not into bolding surveys, specifically. Do you like to run? bitch fuck no Do you think you could run the mile in 10 minutes? Zero chance. What was the longest movie you watched? Hm, I don't remember... It's faintly there in my head, I just can't identify it... Have you ever been to a job interview? Well yeah. Who was the last person to call you? My psychiatrist. Now that I'm doing the partial hospitalization program again, he calls once a week. When was the last time you talked to your last ex boyfriend? Uhhh I think around the start of this month? Missed him and felt like chatting for a bit. Is your dog mixed or full? I don't have a dog, buuuut... we're getting one soon! I'm quite sure she's a mutt. What was the last thing you and your mother did together? Rode to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. Do you take good pictures? I like to think so. What is your display picture on myspace/facebook right now? The most recent selfie I took and liked. I'm finally comfortable using makeupless photos as a display picture. :') Not that I like my body by any means, I just don't care enough to feel like I HAVE to wear makeup to be even remotely pretty in the face. As for everywhere else... ahahaha. What is going on outside right now? It's raining. Like it has been for what feels like literally weeks - and it might actually have been. There's been one or two sunny days in a huge streak of just nothing but rain. It's so gross outside by now; we've been under a flood warning for days on end. Who was the last person you kissed? My best friend, but we were dating then. What color looks the best on you? Black. Have you ever bought the wrong size because you were too lazy to check it? Oh, absolutely. I LOATHE trying on clothes. You have to essentially drag me to go do it. I don't have a good reason other than I don't want to, lol. What was the last thing you bought over 5 dollars? I put down the deposit on my tattoo. c: Do you have any mag subscriptions? No. What is something you're not scared of but a lot of people are? Snakes are probably the highest on the list. I adore snakes, all snakes. Would you ever have a threesome? No; I'm strictly monogamous and to me would be cheating even if your partner was in on it. Are you an U.S. citizen? Yep. Do you have any step siblings? I have a stepbrother, yeah, but I don't see him as my brother, honestly. He's a very quiet and reclusive guy I've had almost no conversations with, and they've only ever been short. Do they annoy you? Nah, he's fine. How many times a day do you talk to your mom on the phone? Well, we live together... What did you wear yesterday? The same pjs I'm in now. I'm changing when I take a shower later. The tank top is a Day of the Dead-esque skull pattern, while the pants are mostly navy with skulls and candy can crossbones that say "nice until proven naughty" arching over and beneath them. They were a Christmas gift from my sis and are really soft and comfortable. Really don't care that it's now out of season, I wear them anyway. I do not match colors AT ALL, but again, I don't care. What color straightener do you have? We don't have one; neither Mom or I use one. Do you listen to music really loud or really low? Turn that shit up LOUD. I'll be nearly deaf one day, but... worth it? lol Do you live with anybody other than your siblings and your parents? No. Both my sisters have moved out. I'm still here because I'm just not emotionally or financially equipped to live on my own yet. Who was your last crush? I still like my best friend, but agree with her that right now isn't the time for anything. How many tattoos do you have? Currently only six. :( What is your favorite thing to do? Car rides with Mom while I ride passenger, controlling the music nice and loud with my iPod. It's odd, considering I'm very afraid of being on the road, but it's just such a freeing, wild feeling to blare music and just go, letting your mind wander. How many pets do you own? I only have a cat and a snake right now, but we're getting a dog hopefully very soon, preferably today actually when Mom has to go to the appropriate city for her normal check-up to keep her cancer at bay. Her name is Vanna and sounds so perfect for us. Mom can barely wait. Are you close with your parents? Yes, very, Mom especially. Where do you shop the most for your clothes? Hot Topic or Wal-Mart. I'd really like more stuff from Rebel's Market; they have such a wide range of stuff that just scream my aesthetic. I got my purse from there, and it's fantastic quality and so cool-looking. Have you ever read a whole series of books? Well, one trilogy that I remember: Shiloh. I adored those books and the movies. I got very, very deep into Warriors by Erin Hunter, but then my interest in reading waned, and I'm immensely behind. I don't think I'll pick it up again, but I've thought briefly about it. When you tell someone you love them do you mean it? Yes. Are you going to walk at your graduation or just pick your diploma up? I walked. Do you ever eat anything everybody else thinks is gross? Hm, perhaps. I'd have to think for a while. What did you do for your last birthday? I just ate pizza at home with my one sister that was free that day, Mom, and a family friend, as well as opened presents. What do you plan on doing for your 18th birthday? I don't recall, but I think that may have been when I was in the psych hospital. Or was that my 21st? I don't remember. Do you have to type with good grammer? Yes. I type pretty much exactly how I talk. What is your favorite quote? It's hard to pick one singular favorite. Are you allowed to cuss in front of your parents? Dad could care less, but I try to limit myself with Mom, especially with "fuck." She's not a fan, nor does she like if I just swear too much in front of her. Like she won't yell at me or anything, she just makes it clear she wants me to stop. How long was your last phone conversation? Just a couple minutes. I didn't get the Zoom link to group therapy one day and let the place know. Turns out their email was fucking up. Which one of your friends annoy you? The family friend I mentioned a few questions above has the ability to be incredibly aggravating. I love her, but she has zero issue with inserting herself into everything (and sometimes we just don't want to see her), and she voices incredibly rude opinions literally no one asks for a whoooole lot. She's got a strong tendency to try to take control over every situation. Her being our landlord now makes it harder to speak up, and besides, no one wants to hurt her feelings. Don't be mistaken though, she truly is an incredible person with a heart more caring than probably any person I know. Have you ever lost a close friend to death? No, thank fuck. I mean, I think. I do believe one of my childhood online friends committed suicide because of sexual abuse from her own fucking brother, but I guess I'll never know. She was talking to me one night horribly depressed and scared and then just vanished. Bless her, I loved her. Do you know someone who suffers from addiction? Yes. Do you have a lot of pictures in your room? Tons of posters and artwork, anyway. I currently don't have any photographs, but I got this shadowbox thing for my bday to decorate with pictures of Teddy so I can use it in my "tribute shrine" or whatever for him, and I'd also like to frame the picture of Sara's and my first hug and maybe put it on my bedside table. Do you have Facebook? Yeah, I do. Have you ever found a dog/cat on the side of the road? I myself, no, but a friend's mom did find two poor kittens thrown aside in a fucking plastic bag... Some people are abominable. Knowing how much my family loved cats, she reached out to us, and we took them in and named them Aphrodite and... I can't remember the other's name. She disappeared kinda early. Aphrodite wound up being one of my most beloved cats and was even the mother of a kitten that same family adopted. Delilah is still alive, doing wonderfully, and incredibly loved. <3 Aphrodite, meanwhile, as well as all our other cats at the time, were taken by animal control because our neighbors were tired of them wandering, even though they were too fucking cowardly to confront us first. I've said in many surveys that I am very much against outdoor cats, but I wasn't then because I was uninformed and really didn't understand. I wailed and sobbed and just pure shrieked like a banshee outside when we came home to learn they were taken. I have no clue how any are now, and that's the worst part. Do you go bowling in your town? We are in the middle of a pandemic, lol. Even beforehand though, I rarely went. Last time I did was on a date with Girt. We had fun. Do you have a drive-in theater? No sir. What brand is your favorite shoe? Converse. Is your best friend's mom like your own? They're quite similar, yes. Both are very sweet and caring for others. Do you have anxiety or depression? Try both. What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Sonic. Do you own a pair of brass knuckles? Nah. Have you and your friends ever made up a word? Likely as kids. Do you have any embarrassing baby pictures of yourself? Not that I know of. What is the worst smell in the world? Anyone remember that survey I took mentioning my dog's old tumor? Yeah, that after he spent overnight in a diaper and inevitably peed himself in his old age. And he had a UTI. You probably can't even imagine how fucking vomit-inducing that smell was. Do you dye your hair a lot? No. :/ I really wish. I have so many colors I wanna try. Do you have anybody in your family who rides dirtbikes/fourwheelers? Not really? No one in my family owns one. My younger sister would totally go if you asked her and had one for her to use, though. She's done it plenty before. Have you ever rode a dirtbike/fourwheeler? Yeah, a fourwheeler, and it's really fun! Tell me how you got one of your scars? Hmmm, let's think of a unique one. Ah, my shins, left one especially. When I shave my legs, they get unbelievably itchy, even if I use lotion, and I would scratch my skin absolutely raw so often that I have permanent scars. It's partially why I barely shave my legs anymore. Have you ever had a friend who cut themselves? I know many, sadly. I don't know of any that still do, thankfully. I promise, it never helps. If you ever have the urge, I can't suggest enough running where you want to self-harm under cold water or slap the location (like your wrist) with a rubber band. The latter is especially helpful. It's a similar burning sensation and doesn't leave marks. It would help me refrain sometimes. What is your favorite thing to do in the summer? Swim in a nice, warm pool. Otherwise, become a hermit and wait for the outdoors to not be prepared to melt the flesh off my bones. x_x Do you go tanning or do you lay out? Neither, ugh. As you can guess from above, I hate the sensation of heat on me. What is your favorite skin lotion? I just really like cocoa butter. Smells really good and is perfectly moisturizing. Do you use a lot of hair products? The only hair product I use is shampoo, haha. Do you have a cousin you dislike? No. Well, one is incredibly brainwashed and misled by her psychopath of a father, but I love her nonetheless. We talk now and again because family is important to her. Have you ever heard Theory of a Deadman? Yeah, they're good. What is your comfort food? Absolutely ice cream. Who is your celebrity crush? Mark Fischbach/Markiplier is a perfect human being with the looks of a god and heart of a saint and you cannot convince me otherwise. What’s the song you most wish you had written? "Imagine" by John Lennon is a high contendant, for sure. Definitely something I'd write. Have you ever been stuck by someone very annoying on a plane/bus/etc? I think so at one point or another. Did you get lost at all on your first day of high school? Ha, for sure. Have you ever been interrupted during sex? A bitch knows how to act asleep if she hears a door so much as barely squeak, I'll tell you that much lmaooo. Have you ever been recorded doing stupid things while drunk? No. Has a significant other ever called you by the wrong name? No. Have you ever cooked anything and it turned out horrible? I've barely actually cooked anything in order TO fuck up. Have you ever made a bad first impression on someone’s parents? I can't say with certainty, but I think Jason's mom had her doubts about me at first because she commented on the ripped jeans I wore when I went to his house for the first time. She came to love me like her own though, and I love(d) her. I was actually just thinking about her and how she's doing the other day. What is a food that you always are in the mood to eat? Always? Perhaps sour candy, like Sour Punch Straws in specific. Ever held a newborn animal? Many kittens, yes. Do you make a wish when you blow out your birthday candles? I do, but just for the annual appeal of it. I don't actually believe it will have any effect on what I wished, it's just... normal, ig. What is the last thing you searched for online? Medical coding classes. Having trouble finding any free ones that are actually legit... Is it wicked hard for you to sleep when it's hot in your room? It's borderline impossible. Do you dunk your cookies in milk? Sometimes, and almost always with Oreos. Do medical terms make you uncomfortable? Ha, speaking of medical coding... No, not really. It's unnerving to hear "you have _____," but I understand it can be something so, so minor. Of course, it could be the exact opposite, but. I also actually find it quite interesting to learn the Latin roots of the terms. Are you afraid of failure? Beyond measure. Have you been called a bad influence? Yes, to my former friend's son. Not that that witch of a woman was a great person. I'd love to know how an infant can be negatively affected by receiving nothing but love from his "aunt," also having no concept of understanding about me being unemployed and not very "adult-ish" in general, which I'm sure is what she meant. Normally judgment hits me deep, but that shit I just rolled my eyes at.
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yeocult · 4 years
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Hii~ ursa minor, corvus, orion, gemini, betelgeuse, deneb, spica, proxima centauri, mimosa, star cluster, moon, comet, delta iv heavy, heavy falcon, soyuz, RCS, RD-270, raptor? (so sorry it's a lot of questions 😅)
*cracks knuckles* it’s time to get ready to overshare !! thank you for sending so much in!! it was fun hehe
ursa minor: do you have hobbies or interests that no one knows about?
hmm sports, writing, and editing? i enjoy watching sports matches and being nerdy about analyzing the players and game lol, mostly basketball and volleyball! i hate playing sports though lol. writing and editing are just for fun! (irl ppl don’t know much so i guess it’s a secret). i’d like to pursue editing to something more serious though!
corvus: what are 5 things you appreciate about yourself?
1. neatness and i’m organized! / 2. i only surround myself with good people, if there’s something off about a person i immediately cut them off (idk if this is me running away from everything bad or that i respect myself lol) / 3. how easily inspired i am / 4. chill? (is that the right word?) sometimes i just can’t bring myself to care that much abt certain things lol / 5. fashion sense i think
orion: what element would you like to be able to bend?
i convinced myself i was a waterbender when i was younger lmao but i’d like to bend fire! no reasons, i just think it’s cool hehe
gemini: which character (fictional or not) is your spirit animal?
shizuku from whisper of the heart and ursula from kiki’s delivery service...they are just so comforting!! having a lil studio in the forest is such a dream!
betelgeuse: which video games gives you nostalgia for a place you have never been to?
ah i don’t play any video games :-(
deneb: you can turn one book into a movie,tv show or video game. which one are you picking?
omg this is a hard one! i’ll probably think about this more but rn i’m completely stuck >///<
spica: when do you consider a movie “good”?
no plotholes, it’s consistent, and not so cliche. the texture, not bland, and good writing is important too. soundtrack that evokes emotions is kinda important to me as well. not so much necessary but i like it when a movie has an open ending! i look forward to the cinematography a lot too :D but honestly, everything needs to work well together, the writers, actors, and production team.
proxima centauri: if you would have the chance to travel the world, which places or countries would you like to see?
ooooh i want to visit china, germany, dublin, singapore, hanoi, japan, s.korea, and new york! so many places >///<
mimosa: what do you associate with your favourite colour?
beige - comfort, coffee, home, silence, sundays, fresh sheets, and cookie dough :DD
star cluster: what is something you have gained, something you have lost and something you let go of during the past year?
gained - interest in filmography, writing, and editing / lost - activeness ?? lmao ever since quarantine I've gotten so lazy / let go of - a close friend of 5 years
moon: “A man is made of memories. It is all we are.“ (Lawrence) what do you think this means? Do you agree?
kind of! how we act and behave was all from our childhood—memories. it shapes us how we are today. we think a lot, we experience a lot, so it think this is what the quote means...? hopefully i don’t sound stupid lol
comet: you have the chance to undo one thing or decision in your life, would you take it? If you are comfortable sharing: what did you change?
yes! i would taken more opportunity and put myself out there more often even if i’ll get hurt—i think it’s a learning experience that i’ll never get back
delta iv heavy: what is your favourite thing about your degree course?
ah i’m not there yet (i’m assuming this is for uni/college). but, i’d like to study fashion design or something in the art department hehe
heavy falcon: what is a subject you are highly interested in but you would never study yourself?
english, biochem, interior design, history, ohmygod i have a lot. but the thing with me is that i’m very interested in anything, i’m curious, but i’ll never commit to anything that isn’t art because i’m simply just not passionate enough. there’s a difference with being interested/curious and passionate for me...? (not to mention i suck at anything else lol)
soyuz: language(s) you would like to learn?
chinese!! i’ve actually started learning 2 years ago but never continued with it because it’s just too hard !!! >:( i also can’t even speak my mother tongue fluently so i need to get that first before learning another one. the tones...are soooo !!! difficult !!!!! i’ve also learned french for 7 years but i sound embarrassing sigh
RCS: how do you stay focused and productive?
sigh...i’m the worst student ever. i just kinda guilt trip myself into studying like “you’re a burden if you don’t do good on xyz” or like just slap myself and get it over with yk? it’s not the best lmaoooooo
RD-270: Do you need silence to study? or do you like to listen to music? if so, what is your go-to study-playlist?
rarely, i like to listen to music 99% of the time. it’s either a random khh/krnb playlist with new songs i’ve never listened to, lofi, or piano music! sometimes i’ll listen to my own playlists but it’s distracting with songs i know lol
Raptor: do you study at home or do you prefer to study at the library/in cafés?
sigh, i hate studying outside. maybe that’ll change for me in the future. i’ve tried studying in the library and i got nothing good done. i’ve also never went to a cafe to study. although i do love the vibes, it’s usually too loud for me. i like being in the comfort of my own room :))
send me a space asks!
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Summary of RFEF’s Conference about the imminent strike and the rights of Spain’s female players- Part 1
So let me set the scene, it’s the 6th of November 2019, we are in the installations of the Spanish Football Federation in Las Rozas, Madrid. We have just been part of a ceremony celebrating the history of women’s football in Spain under the slogan Somos Por Vosotras (We Are Because of/For You). We cut and we’ve moved to a conference and the mood is suddenly tense and sombre, as if the devil himself was in the room- which he might actually be. 
Let me introduce to you the different parties in attendance. Taking up most of the room and sitting at the back (because of course the women may be in the majority and whose lives are being discussed but it’s the men people in suits who hold the power and say) are the players of the Spanish women’s national team, there today on behalf of all of their Primera Iberdrola colleagues. In the front rows we have representatives of the individual clubs and then the three main players, the three who form this love triangle that has got everyone into this mess.
There is the AFE, the trade union that represents all Spanish footballers. They are the ones fighting for the players’ rights, not settling for less and pushing the strike forward (I presume). Then their mortal enemy its in front, RFEF’s stream makes sure to catch him on his phone not paying attention during much of their presentation, the ACFF. They stand for the association for female football clubs, the ones with the interests of the big people in mind, the ones who have given out the TV rights, the group that all clubs are a part of apart from fcb, tacon and athletic de bilbao. And then leading the whole thing is the RFEF, Spain’s Football Federation and governing body for the Sport.
Now the mystery truly commences: which of these parties are telling the truth when they plead their innocence and say how much they’re doing to better women’s football, and which is that reincarnated devil I mentioned at the beginning?
Given that it’s the RFEF who has called the meeting, they take centre stage first. In fact, they’ve decided that to show how on top of things they are they’ve prepared a presentation and everything (10 points for the effort). 
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They start off by stating how they’ve been shunned and not included in most of the negotiations, they are so grudging that they have all the dates of when they weren’t listened to neatly lined up like a toddler who’s telling his mum all the exact times she hasn’t let him watch TV. Jokes aside though, it quite clearly explains the chronology of how things have gone about evolving up until having reached this point. Even before what’s shown on the screen they proposed certain initiatives to make sure the sport kept developing but the clubs weren’t willing to listen to their ideas as they were told that they could only talk with the ACFF or they wouldn’t go to the committee. Then on the 25th of February the ACFF openend up a bidding for TV licenses that was to last only 9 days. Not only were the RFEF surprised that they were doing this, they also thought that it was too short a time period to do the tender in. So the next day they release a statement saying that the ACFF hasn’t complied with the official regulations on how a club should sell TV rights.
On the 4th of March the National Committee of Female Football (it’s part of the RFEF so i’d just treat it as such) makes public the changes that they wanted to make to improve the status of women’s football in the country: the organisation of the two elite leagues, the set out of the competitions, number of players etc. The two most important points they made were the professionalisation the elite leagues should go about and the establishment of salary levels along with how much money the RFEF was willing to give.
However, the big bad wolf comes along and blows all this wonderful work away only 3 days later when the 9 days for bidding was up and even before midnight the ACFF had announced that TV rights had been given to MediaPro. At this point Rubiales got really stuck on the before midnight part, seems like he didn’t get his Cinderella ending as they announced it at midday rather than at midnight as the official regulations dictate. What’s more, they didn’t actually send out a letter personally telling them about this until the next day(you know a friendship’s breaking when you first hear about gossip from people outside of your group of friends…). So as retaliation the RFEF sends out an angry message to all the clubs who had signed the agreement telling them they were in trouble for not adhering to the assigned rules but not being able to do much more.
So basically the point they were trying to put across with this slide was that they had already offered, before the rights were signed away by the ACFF, certain economic rights and conditions for the players that the RFEF considered very reasonable and better than what is on the table now. More like a ha you should have listened to us (probably rightly so) rather than anything else. 
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Slide 2, things that happened leading up to this point: Back to the bold man who speaks more to make up for his lack of her (okay that was mean sorry I’ll stop). He talks about how the RFEF offered both AFE and ACFF a tripartite collective agreement where a better salary, betterments for clubs and basic labour conditions were guaranteed. He drew a lot of focus to image rights and from what I understood they don’t actually have rights to their own image at the moment?? only national team players do?? that’s just the icing on the cake for me. And so this is what was offered on the 13th of May, guaranteeing a 18,000 euro salary as a requirement for all teams who want to continue playing in the league if the agreement was signed. But, what a surprise, the other associations didn’t even approach them which lead to the “failure of negotiations” after which point they claim they were completely excluded. Rubiales took the opportunity to practically martyrise himself here saying how it was them who were taken on all the risks by this agreement and it was only the players who would benefit from it.
Now we get into the really technical stuff, because yeah so far it’s been a piece of cake I know, so buckle up. The ACFF, basically the individual clubs, believe they can only take on a salary of 16,000 euros a year at a 50% partiality rate which is basically a fancy way of offering a 8,000 euro salary. The AFE, the trade union, asks for 16,000 at a 75% partiality rate which is 12,000 euros a year and still below the minimum professional salary in Spain
—> just a note here that later on the representative of the AFE said that they are never going to negotiate below the minimum interprofessional wage which is just above 12,000 and neither will the Government’s Ministry of Labour who they have now taken this case to (I know, apparently the government’s involved now too but this is the first I hear about it)
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So RFEF come riding in in shining armour with this solution saying that they’re willing to pay the difference between what the ACFF is willing to pay and what the AFE wants the salary to be. They also say that they would increase the minimum number of professional licenses from its current state of 12 to 18. Honestly it’s ludicrous that they haven’t done this before as a club needs 18 players on their squad to compete full stop. So yes, 2,000 euros for 18 players in 16 clubs would amount to 1,152,000 euros that they are willing to invest here so that all players are guaranteed what the union is asking for.
—> again the AFE calls them out later on saying that the real sum of money would be closer to 1.6 million as there are more than 18 players per squad and other contextual factors also need to be taken into consideration.
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Final slide (wooo!) of all the factors which must be kept in consideration. The first is what’s going on with TV rights at the moment where many matches can’t be televised. He says that it’s necessary to come to an agreement so that all matches can be streamed by the company that is contracted by the team. They promise to not block any televisations and reiterate the fact about ten times that it wasn’t them who has impede certain matches being shown so far but rather legal issues and petitions by external factors. Did I mention that it isn’t RFEF’s fault? Oh and by the way it’s not because of RFEF that this is happening. 
Rights: commercial rights and advertising supports must be a fundamental part of the agreement like they used to be. Apparently back in the day when people didn’t care as much about women’s football and paid little attention to what was going on (aka a year ago) there was a common fund shared between all clubs for image rights. On the 13th May, they proposed a deal giving 2,000 to each player for there rights but, once again, they didn’t come to an agreement.
Compromise: they agree to respect all clubs having their individual affiliations with whichever organisation they have contracts with at the moment. Basically clubs that aren’t with the RFEF at the moment can continue with their current contracts without being penalised by them if an agreement is reached. If it is signed they will guarantee their current rights, however they then gave the ultimatum that after these expire in 3 (from what I gathered) years time then everyone will have to proceed all together to truly get that 18,000 euro salary and 2,000 extra image rights.
And that was about all the waffle I could handle to be honest which, thankfully enough, coincided with the end of his neither first nor last monologue of the day. He wrapped up by saying how he’s pleased to see so many players nodding their heads along in agreement and I did see the likes of Marta Corredera nodding so I guess we can give him some rights if my new futfem hero agreed. He did say something quite formidable though nearing the end stating that the agreement will only work if the clubs stop boycotting matches and respecting the rights Iberdrola has as their main sponsor, he literally said that we won’t invest in you guys if we know they don’t have faith in you. A final positive rounded up his speech hoping that the trade union would now be happy with what they have outlined above, bridging the gap that had formed between the two and that hopefully the clubs will soon release a statement also agreeing to comply with these basic demands. Idealistic? For sure, but worth a shot anyways.
that’s all I have time for tonight guys, if any of you are still around here then I’m very impressed. I might be back for a part 2 if I see enough demand for it, but honestly this just took up a good four hours of my life and I’m glad I did it but I’m now exhausted. So if you did actually find this useful/coherent/interesting then I’ll be more than happy to continue breaking down the rest of the conference, if not I’ll leave it here :)
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mywalkintofreedom · 3 years
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Life at West Main Street - part 1
We’ve been doing some work around the house lately. We painted some walls, and hung some new pictures, got a new light fixture... stuff like that. I’ve always found it very important to make our home my sanctuary. I have to change things around every now and then too, just to change the scenery. As a stay at home mom it’s important to me that I feel comfortable in the space I’m in.
I can’t help but think back to the first place we ever moved into together back in 2014. It was a small one bedroom apartment, it smelled like cigarette smoke, it had no central heat or air and was a shared building with 3 other apartments. It was what we could afford at that time, and I say that with a wink, because we moved into this place using our last money to pay for the down payment not knowing where the rent was going to come from, as Micah did not have a permanent job yet. We also couldn’t afford to turn on the water or power yet, but we chose to be grateful that we found a place to live and trusted God to work out the rest. It was nothing like I had pictured in my mind as we were dreaming up our life. BUT, let me tell you this, it was the most life changing season of my life living there. This little apartment became my sanctuary, and the many months that we lived here became some of our most treasured memories as a newly wed couple. It became the foundation of our marriage, the foundation of how we decided to raise our kids and really just the foundation of our journey together. We learned lessons and foundational things there that we will bring with us for the rest of our life.
We had plans to move out as soon as we could, but reality pretty soon showed that this was going to be home for awhile and that this would be the home that we would have our first baby in.
You would think that the environment was the hardest part of living here, but it wasn’t. While it was certainly a struggle the smell, the dysfunctions and interesting neighbors, the greatest struggle presented itself as how I like to recall it “being stripped of every comfort I’d ever known”. This meant, not having internet, not having a tv and not having a phone and not having people to contact or call.
The first day Micah went to work a full day, I remember clear as day, sitting on a desk chair that someone had given us, in an empty apartment, in the dark (it was a cloudy day and the place had very little natural light). I had no idea what time he would come home, because we had no way of contacting each other. All we had was this desk chair and our suitcases with clothes (which half of mine didn’t fit me because I was pregnant) and an air mattress that we slept on. I sat there probably for an hour that first day, with my hand on my belly feeling our baby move, tears dripping down my face, thinking about what I could possibly do with myself for the entire day. This continued to be the biggest struggle I woke up with every day, what am I going to do today? The first months, all I could think about was moving out. But as the weeks went by there was no way we would be able to move on to something else. It felt like being dropped off on a deserted island. In a way it was similar. I had no way of contacting people, and I was in a country that was not my own. Every day I counted down the minutes until Micah would come home, which were a lot of minutes when you start counting in the morning. Any time he came home all was well. We would light candles and play card games all night. This was after he would have made us dinner on our one pit burner, which would take more than an hour usually, because you could only heat one thing at a time. It really didn’t take long until our apartment was furnished. We had different people donate things to us, a lot of items are still part of our home and in a way sentimental to me.
For the first while we didn’t have a fridge. This was challenging, but it was winter so this helped a little. We had a box that we would put our milk in, and maybe two or three other items we had, and we would put this outside between our front door and screen door. I remember some days being out and about and we would be watching the temperature, because what if our meat would get too warm!? (I also had some fear that our neighbors would steal the box😂) We did have some precious meat spoil one time and it was hard, I mean I think I cried. Eventually someone asked us if we could use a mini fridge, which remained our fridge for the entire time we lived there. The only down side to this fridge was that it didn’t fit an ice cream container in the tiny freezer section at the top😭 (the freezer section also didn’t have a way of closing so we closed it with a piece of cardboard😂). But in the end that was okay, because we really couldn’t afford ice cream anyways.
Since I’m talking about food, this is also what I meant with “being stripped of every comfort you’ve ever known”. We had a $20 food budget a week in this season. Going and buying whatever you feel like eating really wasn’t an option. I remember one night sitting on the floor in front of our tiny little pantry, crying, because I just wanted to eat some chocolate so bad. I know that sounds crazy, (do keep it mind I was also pregnant😉) but when you can always buy whatever you feel like buying you don’t know what it’s like when you can’t.
Our biggest arguments we ever had in our early marriage days were about... food... and what to buy. We were total opposites, my brain told me we should be buying the cheapest of the cheapest, well mister Huff wanted to buy organic chicken with our $20 food budget. I honestly could kill him for it and thought he was insane. Then we’d have an argument about me being too loud protesting in the store. His intentions were honest and pure, he wanted the very best for me and our unborn child. We eventually met in the middle, and I’ve learned not to loudly start arguments in the meat aisle. While we had very little to spend, we never felt poor. We calculated everything to a T before we went shopping and eventually knew the prices by heart, and became pretty smart in our shopping. We made the best meals with what we had. We ate meat maybe 2-3 times a week and did beans on the other days. We didn’t really eat snacks, just an apple at some point of the day. We paid everything with cash (which we have done up until just a few months ago! But we still don’t own a credit card). Any change we’d get, we would save up and buy an ice cream cone with at the end of the week at Dairy Queen. If we had a really good week, we’d be able to buy a blizzard, which felt like a celebration.
While going through the literal purification of my life, we also had a lot of unknowns. How were we going to bring a baby into the world? The hospital wasn’t an option because I wasn’t eligible for health insurance, because I didn’t have my green card yet. Speaking of which, I also feared the green card police would knock on my door and deport me, for real, which was probably a little dramatic. We saved every little bit of money we could to pay for a midwife, and pay for the green card application.
Through all of these changes, I was getting used to living in a very different country than my own. They call immigrants, aliens, and that’s often how I felt. I had visited the United States often before I officially moved there, and I loved the country, but living here proved to be more of a culture shock than I knew it would be. There were so many small details I had to learn about the culture, the language and the country. There were times that it caused anxiety.
I remember one particular time our church was doing “family fun Saturdays”. It was just a way of fellowshipping together. I was actually quite excited about this, because I didn’t have any fellowship throughout the week and missed my family a lot. Micah worked Saturday morning and after he was done we left. When we got there and we walked into a room full of people anxiety hit me, but I was okay, because Micah was right next to me. Well next thing I knew, the guys were going to do a sports game outside, Micah left and I was left alone in a room full of people. This really wouldn’t be a big deal, but anxiety overtook and I got immensely afraid and panicked. I left as quick as I could and went to our little car. We were parked in kind of an open spot where other cars were arriving, I was so afraid of seeing people and having to converse that I sat down curled up on the floor of the car in front of the front seat. I couldnt help but cry uncontrollably because I just was so afraid of conversing with people and that someone would see me and I was thinking to myself “what have I become”? Social anxiety was something I had struggled with before, but never ever in my life to the extent I was experiencing that day.
Speaking of cars, I do feel like I should probably tell you about our 1997 Toyota Corolla. How did we ever end up with a car when we had no money? That’s a good question. It was presented to us to buy the car for $600 at the very beginning of our journey, but we denied, because we didn’t have any money. The car was given to us. Before we had this car we were walking everywhere.
When I was 27 weeks pregnant we prayed and reached out to a midwife that was willing to accept us and decided that the only way we were going to be able to receive prenatal care was to have a home birth with a midwife. During our first meeting with her we went over the cost and when we left we discussed it and we really had no idea how we were going to pay her. It was going to be about $3000. After a lot of praying we both came to the conclusion that the only way we’d be able to pay her was if we could take out a loan. We didn’t like having to do this, but we also couldn’t go without the proper care for me and our baby.
We decided to go to the bank, and that’s where we met Frank. We sat down in front of Frank and we explained what we needed the loan for. He asked us if we had any collateral. Micah and I looked at each other, I whispered “what is collateral?” and then we looked at Frank. Micah answered, well, we have a 1997 Toyota Corolla. Frank said, “okay let’s see it”. We had parked it right in front of the bank. The two front fenders and the hood of the car were black, as it had never been painted white after a replacement like the rest of the car. The grill and the Toyota logo in the front were missing. Micah and I joked constantly that it looked like a car with a toothless smile. When we walked out, “corey” as we named him, was right in front of Frank, but Frank was looking right over it looking for our car. Then Micah said “this is him, pointing at our car, this is the toothless wonder”. Frank looked at it and made some notes on a note pad, we went back inside (meanwhile Micah and I really had to hold our laughs because it was hysterical). After Frank got done writing some things down and asking some questions he said “well, I can give you about $1200 for a loan”. It wasn’t the amount that we needed, but it was something so we took it. We left the bank and laughed often about the story of Frank and the “toothless wonder”. We were able to give our midwife $1200 up front, and paid her and the bank off as soon as we could possibly could.
It is around the same time that we realized that we were definitely not going to be able to move anywhere else until we had paid off this loan, the rest of the cost of the midwife, and gotten everything paid to get me a green card. I made a decision to stop thinking about “the next step”. Often we live with the mentality, “if I can just reach this or that, then I will be happy”. Always thinking about the “best best thing”. My mentality had been “if I can just move somewhere else I can start to be happy”. I learned a huge lesson in contentment in this season, and the scripture that Micah and I were often reminded of was “if you can be faithful in the small things, God can entrust you with the bigger things”. (And boy if I had known what God would do later in life I would’ve started this much sooner). I started by praying that God would either take the smoke smell away, or help me not to smell it, because I couldn’t stand it. He did, I stopped smelling it. I declared this small apartment my sanctuary. I decided to make it my home, and asked God to help me make it home. When you always have distractions at your fingertips it’s easy not to deal with feelings, I was faced with my feelings every day and had no way of numbing them with distractions. There were no distractions. None. It was just me and God, every day. There was no way for me to “numb” the time away by watching tv, scrolling on a phone or asking someone to come over.
You would probably think after reading all that that I regretted moving and that I regretted getting married. I truly didn’t. I knew with everything within me that this was where we were supposed to be and that I was with who I was supposed to be with.
There is so much to say about the season that we lived here. What I forgot to mention earlier is that someone came to us when we had just moved into our apartment and gave us, I believe it was $250. However much it was, it was the exact amount we needed to turn on the water and power for the apartment. They said that God had laid it on their heart to give this to us, and we knew it was Him because of the amount they gave us. They had no idea of our situation. There are so many miraculous things that happened while we lived here, and I plan on writing more about it because I’ve always wanted to, it is an extremely important part of my journey, and our journey, and so many valuable things were learned. I am forever grateful for the “stripping down and away”, because it prepared me for motherhood and life as a mom and it made us make important decisions for our family that I believe will truly change the lives of our children and have changed our own lives. God became real, and the Word of God exploded as we read together each day. I have never been the same and I never will be. More stories to come about the many experiences at west Main Street.
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