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bellshells · 4 years

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Right and Wrong

This was a request from a lovely anonymous person who had had a dream about our resident dungeon bat and I couldn’t pass up the chance to write it! Hope you like it, dear!

Pairing: Severus Snape x Fem!Reader Summary: Reader is a new Professor training under Professor Flitwick when she receives some help with her marking from Professor Snape. Warnings: Language, Smoking, Smut (dear lord), Dominant Severus, Implied D/s themes, Spanking(?) Word Count: 3.8k+

Marking. You hadn’t thought at all about it when you had agreed to return to Hogwarts. The transition from student to Professor had been one that you had found surprisingly easy, and when Professor Dumbledore had sought you out that evening behind the bar at The Leaky Cauldron; he had made you an offer you couldn’t refuse. The chance to train under Professor Flitwick would put you in good stead to gain the relevant skills to apply for teaching posts in magical schools abroad, and whilst you enjoyed working for Tom in Diagon Alley; you couldn’t see yourself pulling pints of Butterbeer forever. Filius wanted to retire, neither he nor Albus made any secrets regarding that fact and you wondered whether Albus would ask you to stay on at Hogwarts once the charms master retired. A large part of you wished for that greatly.

Marking. Infuriatingly, it hadn’t occurred to you how much of your time it would steal when you assumed your position. You spent hours upon hours marking tests, essays and exams and any time you had outside of that was swallowed by lesson planning. You weren’t ungrateful, not by any means, but you were certainly tired. It was the weekend, as Filius had reminded you as he wrapped his cloak tight around his chest and cast a disapproving look in your direction. “You are aware that it is Friday evening?” The short professor said as he made his way to the classroom door, he pulled it open and waited. “Well, are you coming? Minerva has saved us a table at The Three Broomsticks.” “I wish I could, Professor.” You smiled ruefully, “I’ve got all this marking to do, and I don’t think my boss is going to give me a hand. He’s so very lazy you see.” You winked. Filius clutched his chest, a look of mock heartbreak flashed over his bespectacled face. “You wound me, Miss (Y/L/N). Leave those essays, they’re only first years. They’ll have forgotten everything by Monday.” He outstretched his arm, an offer to escape. You shook your head and offered him a small smile. “Honestly sir, you go on without me. I’ll just sit and think about these essays if I don’t finish them, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself.” Filius seemed placated by that and nodded somewhat approvingly. He raised a hand and gave you a small wave, he closed the door behind him and left you alone with the rustle of parchment for company.

Another hour passed with a flurry of your quill, the darkness that had threaten to breach the castle’s walls had succeeded in its assault and with an almost distracted movement of your wand, the candles dispersed around the room flickered into life and you rubbed your hand wearily across your eyes. You didn’t want to stop, but you had worked your way through the rest of the first-year essays and were now attempting to weather the OWL practice exams. Filius really should be present, you thought. Whilst it had only been a few years since you yourself had taken your NEWT charm exam; you were hesitant in your corrections. Your eyes flickered to the closed door and you sighed heavily, your hand travelled into the pocket of your trousers and pulled out a packet of cigarettes. Smoking for students was banned completely, but teachers were granted a small patch of land beside the Forbidden Forest for a quick cigarette break. You glanced towards the window, it was pitch-black outside now, and a heavy patter of rain assaulted the window. Fuck that, you thought. You grasped a cigarette between your lips and mumbled as best you could a spell to light it. You slumped back in your hard-backed chair and closed your eyes; the only sound the crackle of the singed tobacco as you took a deep drag of your cigarette.

“I’m assuming Professor Flitwick is indisposed this evening if you are here alone and…breaking school rules.” A voice from the doorway startled you and a heat rose across your cheeks. You dropped your cigarette onto the desk it rolled onto the parchments in front of you and you panicked, you picked it up and dropped it onto the stone floor, the heel of your shoe making quick work of the burning tip. The parchment, fairly unscathed sat mockingly before you. Professor Snape stood still; a look of bemusement etched across his pale face. “Professor, you made me jump.” You exhaled; your heart thundered in your chest. You knew you were done for; he would surely tell Filius of your disregard for the school rules and you would be sent back to The Leaky Cauldron. “Clearly.” You chewed on your bottom lip and waited for him to do something, to say anything but he remained still in the doorway. The flickering light from the candles illuminated him almost menacingly, his stance was predatory but the usual sneer he adorned was replaced with something a little more human, a smile, almost. You cleared your throat. “Can I help you with something, Professor? Filius has gone into Hogsmeade, but I’m here.” “Yes, as I haven’t lost my sight Miss (Y/L/N). I can quite plainly see you.” He snapped. Professor Snape made one step into the classroom and stopped, his hand still on the door handle. “No matter. Goodnight.” “Professor?” You called after him, he had turned to leave but at the sound of your voice he stopped and turned slowly to face you. Your teeth returned to your lip, in the dim light of the room you could have sworn that Professor Snape’s eyes flickered down to your mouth, but his dark gaze was upon your face in an instant, his look impatient. “I would really appreciate it wouldn’t tell anyone that you caught me smoking in here, Professor. It won’t happen again, I assure you. It was just a stupid lapse in my generally good judgement.” You gave him a weak smile and waited. He swept his eyes from the top of your head to your feet and you shuddered, his tongue protruded from his mouth slightly to wet his lips and all the air seemed to dissipate from the room. You felt the familiar warmth cross your cheeks as your eyes fixated on the potions master, his graceful nod elicited from you a breath you didn’t know you were holding. You felt relief wash over you with the agreement from Professor Snape and you smiled widely at him. “Was there anything else, Miss (Y/L/N)?” He said quietly, you weren’t mistaken this time. Professor Snape stared intently at your mouth, almost unashamedly as your eyes lowered to your desk. You nearly shook your head until Miss Granger’s unmarked exam caught your attention. “Actually, yes.” You almost whispered, you returned to your chair and sat slowly. “I’m having trouble marking these mock exams, Professor. I wonder if you could help…direct me.”

The corner of his mouth twitched upwards; you took a breath unsure of what you were doing. You had never considered the idea of flirting with Professor Snape, he had never displayed any inkling of desire toward anyone in your presence- including yourself and so, you had just never thought about it. It wasn’t that he wasn’t attractive, well, he probably wasn’t to everyone’s tastes; but the potions master held an authoritative allure that you couldn’t deny. His high cheek-boned face was one that you had seen hundreds of times, the onyx eyes that you had avoided on many occasions as a student had now captivated your attention as he swept elegantly from the doorway to behind your chair. You could smell him before he placed his hands either side of your body, resting on the desk. He smelled of cedarwood and myrrh, a waft of Lily of the Valley reached you and it reminded you of the intense scent of churches, the feel of the wooden pews, of being on your knees. “What is it that seems to be…troubling you?” Professor Snape breathed; his voice close to your right ear. The ends of his black hair tickled your cheek as you struggled to think. You pulled Miss Granger’s exam towards you and shook your head. “It’s this question here sir, I’m not sure if it’s worded correctly. It gives the student the opportunity to be right and wrong with their answer. See?” He hummed as he read over Miss Granger’s effort, you tried to stay perfectly still. Terrified that if you moved even an inch, Professor Snape would withdraw from you. You could see his pulse in his wrist as his hands splayed in front of you, he tapped a finger. “Well, I think it’s just the nature of the beast Miss (Y/L/N). To be both right and wrong.” Professor Snape whispered, he seemed closer this time. His warm breath on your ear, your chest heaved as the seconds passed. You dared a look at him, you slowly turned your head and found his face mere inches from yours. You could smell firewhisky now, his lips slightly parted as his eyes found yours. “And sometimes,” He breathed, his nose touched yours. His face edged closer with each short breath. “You can be neither right nor wrong.”

It was impossible to say who initiated the kiss. In a second your lips crashed together, and a groan rose in your throat as he brought his hand to the back of your head and pulled on your hair. He tasted of whisky and it was almost disorientating, your mind was full of nothing but him as you brought your hands up to the back of his neck to anchor him in place. His lips found your jaw and he kissed down to your neck, his teeth grazed across your skin and you shuddered again. He pulled you up by your shirt and brought both his hands down your body and squeezed your rump roughly, his long fingers inflicting a delicious pain across your backside as he gave it a sharp smack. The shock of the impact made you gasp, and your eyes flew open, Professor Snape’s face was again only inches from yours, his dark eyes half closed and full of desire. Your stomach flipped as he pulled your hips against him, you rubbed your thighs together, in desperate need of contact. “Did you like that?” He whispered, his hands once more finding your bum. He rubbed the place where he had spanked you, and your head rolled back. His mouth attacked the exposed skin there, his hand left you only to be replaced with another smack, this one harder than the one before. You moaned loudly, and he chuckled. He withdrew from you and eyed your face; you were flushed and panting. You had never been spanked before, but the dampness in your knickers was a definite confirmation, if not for him- but for you. Professor Snape brought his hands up to his great frock coat and started to undo the buttons, you watched him meticulously, as if in a trance. As one by one, his deft fingers made quick work of his outer layer. You felt it only polite to remove your jumper, he let his coat drop to the floor as he watched you. You discarded your jumper with his coat and reached out for him, he instead sneered at you. “Continue.”

You blushed again as your fingers found the bottom of the t-shirt you wore, you tried desperately to remember which bra you had thrown on this morning, abandoning all hope for a matching underwear set, they were for celebrities and for people with more money than sense. To your dismay, a plan black bra met your gaze as you shoved your shirt over your head, you hadn’t noticed he had approached you until you felt his hands on your stomach. His fingers were featherlike as they moved upwards and to your back, unclasping your bra with ease and flinging it onto the floor. You looked up at his pale face as he licked his lips, he grasped your breasts and pushed them together. “Beautiful.” He said quite matter-of-factly, he dipped his head and took a nipple in his mouth lightly, he sucked slowly and then grazed his teeth across the hardened peak. Your fingers found his hair and pulled, you craved a rougher hand than the one he was dealing, and he seemed to understand your silent wish as he tugged hard on your other nipple, sending a wave of hot pleasure through you straight to your quim. He continued to lick and suck on your nipples as you arched your back to him and moaned wantonly, the desire which had built in you had now reached its peak and you needed more. You placed a finger under his chin and lifted his head to you, his mouth again found yours with ease. Gods, this man was beautiful. How had you never noticed this before? His features were strong and noble, and his eyes so dark like the expanse of the beyond; you felt like you could sink into them. Your heartbeat thundered in your ears as you etched every inch of this mans face to your memory, the way he looked at you in that moment. He was divine. You could feel his arousal pressed hard against your stomach and you moved a hand to palm him through his trousers, he grunted in your ear as he bucked his hips forward. He pulled impatiently at the waistband of your trousers and you shoved them down your thighs and stepped out of them, you moved to remove your underwear when he grasped your wrist tightly. “No,” he said. “Not yet.” Professor Snape pushed you forward slightly with a warm hand on the base of your back. “Grasp each side of the desk and bend over. Legs spread.” You complied silently, the knot of desire in your stomach was becoming very hard to ignore as he lowered himself to his knees, his face level with your cunt. “My my,” He whispered against the inside of your thigh, you shuddered as his warm breath hit the sensitive skin there. “You are positively soaked, Miss (Y/L/N). Is this all for me?” He asked playfully. You groaned as he drew a finger over your clothed sex, your legs trembled as you thrust yourself in his direction. “Was it from me playing with your exquisite breasts that made you this wet, I wonder?” Professor Snape spoke directly to your dripping core, it was uncomfortable with him being so close to you, the odd touch to your neediness but no relief. “Or was it when I struck you?” He mused. You felt a whimper escape your lips, you needed him to touch you. You needed him to make you come. He laughed at your turmoil. “Shall we find out?” He seemed to pause; you could feel a change in him from behind you. “If at any point you feel uncomfortable and want to stop, you are to say ‘Red’ loud and clear. Do you understand?” “Yes.” “Yes?” “Yes…Professor.”

It was only a second or two before you felt another blow on your behind, this one, rather more painful than the other two had been without the flimsy padding of your trousers. You couldn’t help the small yelp of surprise that left you as he struck you again, this time on the other cheek. You expected the harsh sting of a slap to consume you, but it never did. You found yourself moaning and thrusting your backside up to meet each swing of his hand. You had never experienced anything like the feel of his hands on your bum, the inferno that came from the impact and the delicious pain it brought with it. You felt like you were on fire, you writhed beneath him. You could feel your wetness drip down your thighs, tears pricked your eyes with need. You needed him desperately. Gods, you wanted him to fuck you. “Good girl, you’ve done ever so well.” Professor Snape praised you as he rubbed the sensitive skin of your bum, warm and slightly sore. “Please.” You whispered into the desk, you weren’t sure if he heard you but then you felt him, his torso against your back, his mouth close to you again. “Please what?” “Please touch me! Please fuck me, Professor. I need…I need-!” “You need what, Miss (Y/L/N)? You need my cock? You need me to make you come?” “Yes!” You exclaimed exasperated, “Please fuck me! Please sir!” He chuckled again and he removed himself from you, you wanted to roll over onto your back, to see him. But there was a part of your psyche that had taken over, you knew better to do something he hadn’t instructed you to do. “Would you like me to make you come before I fuck you?” He asked gruffly, he grasped your knickers from the back and thrust them down to your knees. You heard him behind you, he was close enough for you to hear various buttons and zips being used. “Yes, oh please sir!” You almost squealed, you fought the urge to stamp your foot. You were tired and so full of want; you weren’t sure you would be able to function if he didn’t touch you soon. “Well, seeing as my good girl asked so politely.” Professor Snape said as though he were speaking through treacle, you thought you would go mad. A gentle finger was pressed against your clit, he drew it at a torturously slow pace over your entrance, swirling it slightly. He plunged it inside you suddenly and slid another in to meet it. You pushed your hips back, desperate for more. You wailed in desperation, Professor Snape seemed to sense your restlessness and curled his fingers inside you, he picked a quick pace and fucked you roughly with his fingers. He brought his other hand over your thigh and began rubbing your clit. It was incredible, after all his teasing, he was finally touching you. A slew of curses left your lips as you gyrated against his skilful fingers, desperate for relief. You heard him groan as a new trickle of wetness left you as he removed his fingers, to double his efforts on your clit. He rubbed from side to side, his fingers hard against you and you bit down on your lip. You hadn’t realised until now how much restraint Professor Snape had been showing, he pressed his hips against your core as if involuntarily as you felt that tight coil inside as it began to unfurl. “Oh Professor,” You gasped, “I’m going to-” “Yes, you come! Good girl, come all over my fingers.” He commanded breathlessly, he quickened his pace and you came undone, it was visceral, and you cried out, your legs almost buckled under the pressure of your orgasm. He rubbed you until he was sure your orgasm had subsided, only when you relented in your whimpering did he slide his cock against your slick folds.

He entered you slowly, you were grateful for the time to adjust to his girth before you began to move your hips against him. He grappled at your arms and folded them behind your back. “Hold on to the elbow of your other arm.” Professor Snape commanded and you did so without question. It appeared his gentleness was at an end as he thrust into you, filling you to the hilt. You hissed at the decadent pain that accompanied it, you felt full of him. It was like nothing you had ever felt before, to be taken in this manner. His thrusts were swift, sharp and unrelenting. Like he wasn’t fucking you to make you feel good, it was all for him and that just turned you on more. You moaned with every flick of his hips as he reached deep inside you, eliciting pleasure with every movement. “You take my cock like a slut, is that what you are?” He demanded; his voice strained from the effort. You tried to answer him, but the only thing you could do was moan. The filth that was falling from his lips was like the most beautiful music you had ever heard; his deep baritone was all encompassing as he slapped your backside once more. “Answer me, girl!” “Yes! Yes sir!” “And,” He panted, he reached one hand between your legs to play with your clit. “Do you love my cock?” “Yes sir, I love it!” You cried; the pleasure was almost too much. He was fucking you hard, his fingers were quick against you and you found yourself being flung towards the wall of your orgasm. “Say it…again!” “I love your cock sir!” He slapped your clit as you came; you cried his name as your orgasm rose to heights previously uncharted and you sobbed. You were hot and sticky and so completely spent, but he didn’t stop. He continued in pursuit of his own release, your name sizzling on his lips as his thrusts became sloppy until he finally burst inside you. One, two, three more pumps into you before he collapsed on top of you. His face against your shoulder blades, he panted between the sloppy kisses he placed there, his hands coming to your arms to release them from their position. Your arms ached as they flopped to your sides.

Professor Snape pulled out of you gently and placed his hands either side of your ribs to help you onto your feet. You felt a void in your chest. Now, suddenly empty of him; you felt a longing for the stiff potions master, who had used you so deliciously. You wanted him, again. “Can you walk?” “Yes, I think so.” He offered you a quick smirk as you pulled your ruined knickers up from around your knees. “Good,” He said. “You can accompany me back to my rooms.” It wasn’t a question. Professor Snape chuckled darkly at your apparent shocked expression. He closed the gap between you in one swift movement and brought his lips to yours tenderly. “You’ve been a very good girl, Miss (Y/L/N). I should like to look after you this evening. Somewhere a little more…private.” You nodded and averted your eyes, you began to pick up your clothes and dress quickly. You wondered almost incredulously if Professor Snape desired your company as much as you desired his. “Does that sound agreeable, Miss (Y/L/N)” “Oh yes, sir.” You answered quickly, your eyes found his already dark with a renewed desire. “Good, because I think I would like to fuck you again. Once we have had the chance to bathe that is, I’m sure you’ll find my quarters adequate.” He said with a small smile. “Then I might help you with your marking.”

Marking. One thing you hadn’t thought about when you agreed to return to Hogwarts. It certainly didn’t seem so much like a chore anymore.

#severus snape #professor snape #pro severus snape #Pro Snape #snape smut #Severus Snape smut #severus snape x reader #snape x reader #professor snape x reader #harry potter #godrics-swallow

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suneatersupportsquad · 3 years

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red handed; colby brock

request: im not sure if you do requests or even any imagines for colby brock anymore but i was wondering if you cold make a exception, so basically the plot is that the reader met colby through kat and since then they hit it off, now their in a secretive relationship the only person who knows is kat but she only knows the reader has a crush on colby. one day everyones hanging out in the same room room and colby is sexting the reader, sams curious to whos hes texting and they find out their dating.

dedication: @whydontweanons

genre: fluff, subtle smut?

pairing: colby brock x gn!reader

characters: colby brock, sam golbach, katrina stuart, corey scherer, jake webber, kevin langue, brennen taylor, devyn lundy, tara yummy

word count: 1.8k

warnings: alcohol, what would probably be underage drinking, NSFW (barely), sexting (duh), mentions of COVID-19, quarantine

a/n: of course i’ll still write for sam and colby!! it’s just that, since i’m not as active of a follower of them as i used to be, my goal is to write for fandoms that i’m more invested in at the moment. but, honestly, i don’t think i could ever really stop writing for them. i love those boys so much. also this plot made me laugh so hard when i saw it in the best way possible. getting this request honestly made my day, so thank you for that!! anyways, i’m a little rusty, but here we go.

important links: masterlist

find more fics at my new blog @trapboysbunny

You and Colby had known each other for a long time - pretty much since he’d moved to LA with Sam - and you had been involved romantically just as long. You had met him and Sam through Kat on a boring Saturday night when all their friends flaked on coming to a little kickback they were hosting. Trying to be a good friend and cheer the boys up, Katrina had invited you to hopefully kickstart some emotional momentum. Your eyes met Colby’s for the first time and you clicked. Something in your gut had told you that the two of you would end up being close, and it was right. You had hit it off immediately, not taking very long to start laughing at one another’s corny jokes and telling stories over Smirnoff Ice while some random late night show played in the background. From that night on, it was history.

Since then, you two had been practically attached at the hip. If you weren’t sitting on the same room or facetiming, you were definitely texting one another. It became a running joke in your friend group that you two had evolved into a pair of siamese twins, or that being without you gave Colby separation anxiety. The two of you found it even more amusing when you actually began dating, not long after that fateful first night. It amazed the both of you that you were able to hide your relationship so well. No one had a clue. The two of you laughed about it quite often, actually, over late night phone calls and tipsy afternoons spent only with each other. No one knew, and nobody needed to know.

Colby, due to the internet and his fanbase being the way it is, preferred to keep his personal (and especially romantic) relationships more on the private side. His intent wasn’t necessarily to hide his feelings and relationship with you from his friends, but that particular topic of conversation never really came up in your friend group. Everyone had just kind of figured that everyone single would simply date someone when they were ready and tell everybody about it when they felt the time was appropriate. It wasn’t that Colby didn’t want to tell them, he just didn’t see the point in going out of his way to tell all of his friends hey after God knows how long I finally have a partner. He just didn’t want to make a big deal out of your relationship. Knowing his friends, they would definitely make it into some type of big thing, not to mention that Jake would dub the occasion as “cause for celebration” (which was really just an excuse to drink more). So Colby preferred to keep things on the quieter side for you two; neither of you wanted to make your relationship into an object for speculation.

Kat was the only person out of all of your friends to have any knowledge of your feelings for Colby. And thank God for her; if you didn’t have her to gush about Colby to, you probably would have either exploded or died. Or both. And she was there for every single second of it. She loved hearing about your movie nights, your urban exploring adventures, the sweet yet mundane things he would do to make you happy, literally anything. She ate that shit up like a man starved, and you did the same for her and Sam (regardless of the fact that their relationship was public already). You hadn’t told her explicitly about the nature of your relationship with Colby, really just gushed about your ever-growing love for the boy. Unbeknownst to you, she firmly believed that you only had feelings for Colby, clueless to the fact that the two of you had actually been dating for quite a while now. With her “go get ‘em, tiger” comments, along with similar remarks, you assumed that she had some sort of idea about your relationship with Cole, hence why you had never explicitly told her about your secret boyfriend. Kat, being the good friend that she was, never spilled your “secret” feelings to anyone else. Not even her boyfriend.

Eventually, quarantine started up amidst the international COVID-19 pandemic and you had begun practically living with the trap boys. A day without you in the house was enough to prompt concern for the boys, minus Colby who always knew the real reason why you weren’t coming over. This soon became the new normal, you taking a “day off” every few weeks to get tested just in case. At this point, it was almost comical that no one had figured out you two were dating yet.

One particular weekend afternoon, everyone in your friend group was hanging out at the house. You and Colby were sitting on opposite sides of the room, you next to Kat and Colby seated beside Sam. It was particularly warm today seeing as this Saturday landed smack in the middle of the infamous August heat wave, so you had thrown on a tank top and some shorts, nothing to flashy. Colby had dressed similarly, wearing only a muscle tee and a pair of trunks.

You were sat beside Kat, the both of you trying to listen to the story Devyn was telling. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t ignore the way your boyfriend was staring at you from across the room. You looked away from Dev for just a second to shoot him a glare when you realize exactly why he’s looking at you. The speed at which the blood rushes to your face is dizzying, and you drop your head to stare at your lap. Motherfucker- You sigh as you pull your phone out of your pocket. “Quit it with the blowjob eyes asshole,” you type before pressing the blue send button.

You feel his gaze break as his phone vibrates. Trying to ignore him, you refuse to meet his gaze again, putting all of your effort into focusing on Devyn’s story. Seconds later your phone vibrates in your pocket. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” the screen reads, and you shake your head.

“Uh huh sure ok.” You pressed send again.

Another few seconds passed and your phone vibrated again. “That shirt looks really good on you.”

You blushed as you read the message, flustered by the comment. Brows knitting together in confusion, you looked up to find him staring back at you with a dopey grin. You hunched over your phone and sent a message back. “You really think so?”

“Yeah, of course,” Colby replied, a gray typing bubble sitting under the message. “But you know how it would look cuter?”

You cocked your head to the side and typed out your response. “How?”

“On my bedroom floor.” You almost snorted at that, clamping a hand over your mouth to prevent any noise from escaping. Typical. Thankfully no one had been paying enough attention to you to notice that you were distracted.

Colby, on the other hand, wasn’t so lucky. “Give me this, dude,” Sam said, snatching the phone out of Colby’s hand and effectively bringing the conversation on their side of the room to a halt. “You haven’t been listening for like the past 20 minutes, dude. Now let’s see what’s got you so distracted.”

“You don’t need to look at that, Sam, it’s not that important-” The tall brunette sounded slightly panicky as he reached and grappled with Sam for his phone. Sam played around for a little bit before finally reading the screen, eyes widening in amusement.

Upon finishing his reading, Sam lowered the phone and Colby relaxed, already knowing that he was caught. “So who’s ‘angelcakes,’ huh Colbert?” Sam prodded teasingly.

Colby blushed ever so slightly, rubbing the back of his neck. “They’re just a friend-”

“Which friend, huh?” Sam continued his teasing, growing louder and louder with every response until all eyes were on the two boys.

Colby shrugged, trying to be nonchalant but looking more stressed than ever in actuality. “Just a friend.”

“What do you say we call this friend, huh boys?” Sam suggested.

Kevin nodded, agreeing. “I think we definitely should.” Brennen also nodded when Sam looked to him for approval, essentially finalizing the decision.

“Okay then, let’s do this thing!” Sam yelled, earning cheers from all the other curious folks in the room. The blonde boy pressed call and Colby simply held his face in his hands.

You jumped when your phone rang, honestly having forgotten that oh shit, I’m angelcakes. Everyone turned to look at you curiously, Colby even peeking through his fingers. You didn’t even pick up the device, already knowing whose name would be lighting up the screen. “You gonna pick that up or something?” Corey asked awkwardly.

You shook your head, leaving your phone face down in its spot beside your thigh. “No, it’s probably not important anyways.”

A beat of heavy silence passed before Tara spoke. “Gee, they sure aren’t giving up. Maybe you should answer it.”

“Nah, I’m sure it’s just-”

“Yeah, you should answer the phone, Y/N,” Jake agreed, the pieces seeming to click in his head.

You sighed, burning bright red to the tips of your ears. “Okay okay, fine.” You stood and clicked the answer button. “Hello?”

And there it was, your voice echoing from Colby’s phone. The room erupted in cheers of disbelief, the boys pouncing on Colby and the girls slapping you in playful excitement. “I knew there was something going on between you two!! There’s no way there couldn’t have been -- I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” Kat squealed, smushing you in a hug.

The rest of the girls echoed the sentiment, a chorus of ‘same’s and ‘I can’t believe you’s. It took a while for everyone to calm down but, once everyone settled, you and Cole managed to get some alone time. The two of you escaped out back, the less than mediocre breeze cooling the sweat that slicked your skin. You held each other, almost as though you were about to start slow dancing. “Damn, caught red handed, huh?”

You laughed breathily, leaning your forehead against his shoulder. “It was only a matter of time, ya know?”

“I know,” he agreed, cheek pressing against your hair. “I’m glad we don’t have to be weird around them anymore.”

“Me too,” you hummed.

Colby pulled away a little bit, just enough for him to look you in the eyes, your arms still around his neck. “Hey.”

You giggled, confused. “Hey.”

“I love you.”

You smiled your confirmation, eyes twinkling under the cheap backyard lights. “I love you.”

#colby brock #colby brock fanfiction #colby brock one shot #colby brock fanfic #colby brock imagine #fanfiction #the trap house #bug.oneshots

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hallowed-be-thy-username · 3 years

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Ooo...can i please request Fem reader who have just been heartbroken by a one sided crush and then one day she met The Joker and he makes her forgot about her crush? Can be nsfw if u want 👀

Hello, anon! Ok so this is longer than I'd originally planned but I was having fun 😆 it’s a little story in the realm of a crackfic that I had a lot of fun with! I hope you like it!!

Self-insert, Ledger Joker x fem reader, crackfic

Word count: 2,121

Warnings: light nsfw, mentions of mild violence

Summary: Sometimes people surprise you with what they'll do when their back is up against a wall, even the Joker.

Who?

It had to happen today, of all days. You went to grab a coffee this afternoon and what did you see? The man she knew you were obsessed with had his lips on hers. Right across the street from the café, your so-called friend was making out with the guy you’ve had a crush on for years.

He was back in Gotham on a business trip. His stay would have been shorter if it wasn’t for state of things in the city for the past couple of weeks. It seemed your friend decided it was an opportunity to swoop in before you’d gained the confidence to do it yourself. But the kicker is that he’d already agreed to meet you for dinner tomorrow night on top of it. Looks like he gets around. You all had gone to the same high school years ago and things apparently haven’t changed much. Aren’t you too old for games like this? You tried not to dwell on it, you had a job to do, but it’d been burning in your stomach like caustic acid for hours now.

You resisted the temptation to text her, tell her you saw them. No, if they want to play games, you could play your own. So far you hadn’t come up with anything but the old stand-by, the silent treatment. But this needed something bigger.

Your revenge plotting would have to wait, though. A minor injury out on patrol last month landed you a position in booking at MCU just in time for shit to hit the fan. Being a Gotham police officer was nothing like you’d expected it to be. You had your sights set on helping the disadvantaged, the people who couldn’t catch a break in this god forsaken city, who fell victim to loan sharks and got stuck in an endless cycle of debt to the inexplicably powerful Mob presence here. But the amount of red tape and corruption making that hopelessly impossible was enough to make you resent your decision in the first place. By now, you were one drug possession arrest away from never coming back.

Today, however, had taken an interesting turn. Your eyes were glued to the tv screen in the front office where live coverage of the SWAT team’s descent on the Pruitt building captured everyone’s attention. Some were optimistic about it, but most of the talk around MCU was skeptical. “If he’s gotten out of it before, he can do it again.”

But they got him. Back up teams raced out of the precinct and everyone scrambled with nervous excitement to carry out preparations for his arrival.

You weren’t here the last time the Joker had been brought in. You were off duty and you’d found yourself feeling a little jealous that you weren’t. He was all Gotham talked about, particularly around here. You weren’t sure how many times you’d seen his face by now. That face. There was something about the way he looked into the camera, it sent a tingle down your spine. It was a strange mixture of fear and fascination. It left you feeling conflicted, uneasy from the butterflies it stirred in your stomach, like you shouldn’t get this kind of excitement from it, a little spark of thrill you’d managed to keep suppressed.

But that spark was growing dangerously hotter now that you knew he’d be coming here, so soon, nonetheless. You had to keep your composure. The excitement was enough that you’d almost forgotten the betrayal you witnessed this afternoon… almost.

Your heart pounded as you approached the booking office, the sound of shouts and cheering echoing through the halls. What was he going to be like? Would he be angry? Was he going to take an officer hostage like last time? What if it ended up being you? You tried to take a deep breath, fighting the shaking of your hand as you reached for the door handle before carefully opening it.

You froze just past the doorway, letting it shut behind you. He was so… tall. He stood behind the intake desk, at least several inches taller than the SWAT officer removing the cuffs from his wrists behind his back. His expression was blank, casually watching the officers try to do their job while looking like their nerves were about to snap, avoiding touching him as much as they could.

“One move and I won’t hesitate to shoot you,” one officer said, doing his best to keep his voice from cracking.

The Joker didn’t say a word. He just flicked his tongue over his lip and lazily rolled his eyes. Butterflies fluttered into your throat and you fought to swallow them down. You had to try to relax, you can’t let him get to you. Of course, that’s easier said than done, his presence alone was enough to ignite an oddly alluring anxiety within you.

The awkward silence was broken when the on duty detective voiced his intolerance for that kind of behavior before noticing your arrival.

“Nice of you to join us, officer.”

All eyes landed on you, including his. You couldn’t breathe for a moment. That feeling that you got when you saw his picture was nothing compared to the intense wave of adrenaline that struck you like lightning, leaving you in a cold sweat as his eyes connected with yours.

You tried to maintain a professional demeanor, but you couldn’t hide the way color drained from your face as you slowly approached him. Just breathing took an immense amount of concentration. So much that you didn’t hear the detective giving you the case number to record before beginning the booking process.

“Officer! I’m speaking to you!”

You jumped and broke your gaze away from Joker’s dark rimmed eyes to quickly grab the form as the detective mumbled under his breath. Your hand was shaking again as you tried to breathe normally and recorded the number then in the next line, “Name, Unknown. Alias, The Joker.”

A shiver trickled its way down your back as you could feel eyes on you again and you looked up from the form to see him carefully watching you. Your breath hitched and you quickly tore your eyes away to stare at the form as heat bloomed in your cheeks. This couldn’t be happening. You’d been avoiding talking with anyone about him for weeks and no matter how much you denied it, now you knew why.

The other officers took his long purple coat and suit jacket off of his shoulders, removing a variety of knives from his clothing before turning him around to face you. You kept your eyes down, taking the cuffs from your belt to hold them in your hands, ready to place them on his wrists. A knot has tied itself around your insides and grew tighter the longer you stood there and stared at his hands, stained with traces of white, black, and red paint. Your face burned hotter, and your heart pounded relentlessly in your throat, but you had to try to remain calm. If you kept showing them how nervous you were, you’d be booted off of the case and another officer would take your place. This was pure torture, but you still didn’t want that to happen.

You were surprised by a need for more. He already had you trapped in this confusing push and pull to give in to the unusual attraction you had to him even though you knew it was wrong. It had taken you this long to realize that was it. A deep seated attraction had been sitting in the back of your mind and now it was rapidly taking over your body.

Goosebumps prickled your skin when your fingertips grazed his bare wrists, clicking the latch on the cuffs in place. This was like nothing you’d ever felt before, the rush in your veins, the heat in your stomach. You managed to keep the exhilaration spreading through your body from boiling over as you lead him to the line up wall for his intake photo.

He stood in front of the digital camera, holding the placard displaying his alias with the date and case number, his green hair swept hastily out of his face and infamous greasepaint smeared wildly. When you looked at the screen to capture the image, the knot in your belly unraveled. His gaze focused directly up into the camera lens and straight at yours, the corner of his scarred mouth tugging into a smirk. Your heart pounded in your ears and you could feel yourself shudder as rational thought slipped away, drowned out by a pervasive impulse. You knew he was dangerous, of course, and you couldn’t explain it but, you didn’t care. The fire he’d ignited within you was in control now.

A nervous buzz spread from your hands and down your arms before you looked up from the screen to meet his gaze, returning a subtle smile. Joker lifted his eyebrow and his grin stretched across his face until the other officers approached and he let it fall with a swipe of his tongue across his lip. That was all it took. You let those tempestuous flames engulf you and now you weren’t going to do anything to stop them.

Everything felt slowed down, like you were dreaming, feverish with this sudden and powerful desire when you kicked the door to the private search room open, pulling him inside with you and locking the door. You had precious few minutes before they’d find you. You quickly unlocked his handcuffs and spun around to put your back against the door, gripping the lapels of his vest when you stopped and stared up at his face as your stomach dropped. Why did you just do that?

But the feeling of regret didn’t last long. A low chuckle rumbled in Joker’s chest before he leaned on his hands, placed against the door on either side of you and brought his face inches from yours. Your breath huffed over his lips and the familiar feeling of arousal swelled between your legs as you felt his heat wash over you.

“Needed somewhere, uh, private to perform your search, officer?”

His lips hovered over yours as you smiled and answered softly, “I figured we’d start with the oral cavity search.”

His giggles were muffled when you crashed your lips into his, surrendering to the spontaneous and intense lust you found yourself swimming in. Your heart soared when he kissed you back, raising the intensity and allowing your tongue into his mouth as his hands moved to grip the sides of your face and your eyes fluttered closed.

He hummed when you wrapped your hands around his neck to lace your fingers in his hair and pressed your body against his. You could feel his size beneath the fabric of his pants and your breath hitched. This was one of those moments that didn’t feel like it was really happening, but it was. His hands slid down your sides to grip your waist and your mouths separated to catch your breath.

His eyes traveled up and down your body before another devious smile sent a shiver down your back.

“You. How about you come with me, hm?” he said, his eyes flickering to the gun in your belt.

Your stomach fluttered and you stared back at him, flinching when fists started pounding on the other side of the door and voices shouted. You shouldn’t trust him, you knew you shouldn’t. But trust hasn’t gotten you much in the past, has it? Besides, you didn’t have to trust him. Whatever happens is going to happen at this point so you might as well enjoy the ride. You’d already let it go this far. You swallowed your nerves and nodded, holding on tight to his shoulders.

Another chuckle made you bite your lip before he leaned in and purred in your ear, “Follow my lead, doll.”

You straddled his lap in the back of an unmarked van speeding down the street only moments later, his tongue in your mouth as your hands slid down his torso to the button on his pants. Was he always this lucky? Or did he know this would happen all along? Of course, this was a crazy thought but nothing that had happened today was sane. He held your own gun to your head and made his escape like it was planned that way. Either way, you’d easily forgotten all about the betrayal that felt so insignificant now.

In fact, tomorrow you’d receive a text from the traitor herself bragging to you about hooking up with your now former crush and your response, short and sweet, was “who?”

Taglist! @youmaycallmebrian @heavymetalnarwhal @neverputsaltinyoureyes @jokersqueenofchaos @into-crazy @killingjokee @astheworlddturns @jslittlebirdie @drreidsconverse @vipervixxen

#anon request #heath ledger joker #tdk joker #ledger!joker #ledger joker x reader #ledger joker fic #joker crackfic

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stan-joonies · 4 years

Text

Mine, Mine, Mine

Requested! Prompt:

26: "You're mine, i don't share,"

The girl grinned up at Sweet Pea when he threw a lazy arm carelessly around her shoulders. He was tapping something on his phone, playing with a piece of gum with his tongue. His hair curled across his tanned forehead and his towering frame covering her in warmth.

Toni rolled her eyes.

"Absolutely sickly. You're a bunch of lovesick puppies,"

She smirked.

"At least we haven't been caught licking at eachothers--"

"Woah, imma stop you there, mutt," Toni hissed, glaring up at her. She ignored it and just smirked.

"What? It's just me and you," she shoved a thumb back into her boyfriends chest. "Ever since he got the new phone he's been completely unresponsive," to prove her point, she dragged sharp nails from his chest down to his pelvis, then back up, a gesture that would usually make Sweet Pea shiver and drag her away, or at least blush. His eyes stuck glued to the screen, however, not even humming in acknowledgement .

"Bet you're regretting that purchase, aint you?"

Y/N shrugged. In all honesty, she didn't mind. Sweet Pea had originally had a flip phone, used only to take and recieve calls. Even then the only contacts was some of the serpent elders, Toni, Fangs, her and Jughead, albeit reluctantly. Sweet Pea claimed it didn't bother him, he barely used the internet anyway, but Y/N caught the longing glances Sweet Pea sent when they past electronic or apple stores. Y/N also noticed Sweet Pea's reluctance to pull out his phone infront of anyone. He always walked out the room or hid the phone, even when taking a text. So, Y/N worked hard leading up to his birthday and managed to buy him an iphone. It wasn't the newest model, but it wasn't in bad condition and it was brand new. Now, with more storage, he had flooded his phone with games and apps and pictures and videos. He was in love with that phone.

"Not really," she sighed, smiling up at him. "Love you, Pea,"

His eyes immediately broke away from the screen, blinking rapidly. He smirked, squeezing her closer and bowing his lips to the shell of her ear.

"Love you, too,"

The bell chose that moment to screech into their ears that it was time for class, with a kiss goodbye and a skip in her step, Y/N made her way to art, smiling happily.

Y/N preferred to sit near the back of the classroom because there was a window right next to her with the prettiest view. Trees and flowers swaying in the breeze, a couple leaves floating delicately down to the ground.

Today, though, someone sat in the seat next to her, which she found relatively odd. Most people tended to avoid her, terrified of her boyfriends famous temper.

When she walked up to the table, the boy smiled at her.

"You're Y/N?"

She hummed lightly, smiling back at him.

"Great! I'm Joseph, i just changed schools recently. Apparently you're the person to go to if i need help adjusting,"

Y/N inwardly sighed. At the beginning of her years at highschool, her goody-two-shoes self had sign up as a future "Hallway buddy". A job that basically allowed teachers to abandon their jobs as supervisors and shove it into the hands of willing, gullible new students.

She had tried to get out of it once she had to show a boy around, one who was more interested in picking up girls than the classrooms he needed to be in.

It was only then that the school informed her that if she wanted the extra credit, she had to continue into graduation. It was frustrating but she wasn't exactly the smartest so she needed it.

"That's me, nice to meet you," they shook hands, Joseph holding on slightly after she let go.

"Great, I'm not very socially...Im not very good with people so I'm glad you seem nice."

Y/N hummed in understanding.

"There are some annoying people you shouldn't get involved with. But I'm not gonna tell you who to and not to get involved with." She sat down next to him. "I just ask you don't believe everything you hear,"

"What? About the Serpents and the fact they're this cruel, bloodthirsty gang of emos?"

Y/N glared quickly.

"One of those serpents happens to be my boyfriend,"

Joseph tensed, straightening his back.

"Right, sorry,"

The lesson was spent in silence after that, Y/N focusing on the outside window.

When the bell announced their next lesson, she hurriedly collected her things, intent to leave before deflating.

She would have to show Joseph around either way, best get it over with.

She waited at the door, watching his glum face light up when he caught sight of her.

"Thank god," he sighed, smiling. "I was terrified I'd have to navigate the halls alone, worst fear."

She hummed, quickly manoeuvring through halls.

Joseph looked at her, tapping her meekly on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry, about what i said about the Slytherins, i just...i normally stick with the crowd,"

"First off, they're called the Serpents, and if you actually wanna make friends...maybe you shouldn't just 'stick with the crowd'."

Joseph huffed, flushing.

"Right. And sorry, i had a harry Potter marathon last night."

Her eyebrow raised at the mention of her favourite movie.

"We might become really good friends," she muttered.

When it came to Lunch, Y/N took him to the cafeteria where they got their food. When they turned around, Y/N immediately caught sight of the group of leather clad teens. She was about to go towards them but stopped when she saw Joseph's ashen face.

"Joseph?" She questioned, noticing the hands clenching fearfully at the side of his tray.

"Sorry...i just...god..." he looked away.

Y/N groaned. Joseph had yet to make friends and so it was clear he was totally uncomfortable and self concious. She felt the weight of a familiar gaze on her and she looked away from Joseph to see Sweet Pea staring at her, brow raised, earning a decisive shrug in return .

Making up her mind, she balanced her tray with one hand, considerably harder than she thought before taking hold of Joseph's sweater.

"Come with me,"

They made their way to the Serpents, some glancing at her when she brought a random into the group.

"Hey, Toni, Fangs, Jug, Pea," she smiled down at them, smiling thankfully when Fangs took her tray and placed it near Sweet Pea,whom, once again, was concentrated on his phone. She leaned down and kissed him on the cheek, him humming slightly before he began to tap furiously at his phone. "This is Joseph, he's new. I was showing him around and thought it'd be nice for you all to meet him," she sat down, shoving Sweet Pea further up the table so Joseph had enough room to sit. Sweet Pea just grunted.

Joseph sat down stiffly, nodding at them all.

"Hello,"

He recieved echos of greeting. Y/N had a slight suspicion he wasn't just introverted. He seemed quite outgoing around her alone, waving his hand furiously and voice occasionally increasing past normal range. Yet as soon as they entered a classroom, all the colour he gained on his face was drained and he became unfortunately meek and cowered into himself.

"Joseph," Y/N muttered, wanting to vocalise her concerns "Do you have..."

"Social anxiety? Yeah," he laughed. "Really bad too. That's why i was so glad to be paired with you.

Sweet Pea's furious tapping stopped.

"Paired?" Toni questioned.

Joseph grinned.

"I'm paired up with her in art and we discovered we have pretty much every class together,"

Sweet Pea's eyes rose from the screen.

"It was a relief honestly! I would be completely lost otherwise!" The blonde scratched the back of his neck, a nervous habit her picked up as a child. "She practically had to lead me by the hand, i looked quite pathetic, honestly!"

Sweet Pea slid his phone into his pocket.

"I'm sure you would've of been just fine, you're a lovely boy, Joseph. People will be eating you up--"

Suddenly, a heavy weight pressed down her shoulders and she found herself squished into Sweet Pea's side, his mouth kissing the crown of her head.

"Sweet Pea?" She looked up at him, frowning at the swirl of emotions peeking out behind dark clouds of brown. The table was completely forgotten. Y/N trusted Toni to pick up the conversation from there.

"Hmm," he burried his face into her neck, taking a deep breath in, tensing when he smelt deodorant. "What? Why do you smell of mint?" He wouldn't admit he missed the flowery, sweet scent she was usually accompanied with.

"Oh! Joseph let me borrow his, turns out we have PE together too! I ran out of mine last week," she flashed a grin.

"You could've told me, i would've brought you some more. They're only cheap," he mumbled into her ear, growling when Y/N laughed lightly.

"You don't need to get Jealous, Pea. Honest. I like the tall, dark and handsome type anyway,"

His lips came brushed against her ear slowly, kissing it gently.

"You're mine, i don't share,"

"And you don't, I'm yours just like you're mine,"

Sweet Pea growled playfully, biting her neck briefly

"Who said i was yours?"

Y/N scowled, her hand coming up to rest at his throat, forcing his head down so her mouth was at his jaw. She bit lightly at the skin, a difficult task.

"I said so, big boy,"

She squeezed his throat lightly, Sweet Pea shivering, before turning back to the table, taking notice that Sweet Pea didn't reach for his phone once.

#riverdale x reader #riverdale #sweet pea #sweet pea x reader #sweet pea imagine #riverdale imagine #fluff #prompt #cute #riverdale sweet pea

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maijily · 3 years

Text

INTRAAAASSSSSS RELEASE NOTES

Heya Tumblr. How have you been? ;)

It’s time for the Intracodes to be announced~~ But this post is super long so don’t continue unless you want 289347329 years of text

You’ve been warned

GUESS WHAT THE HIATUS IS OVER!!! ...Kinda. There’s still a few things left to do before DC, Omission, and Tumblr can come back to life, but trust that things are moving and it’s only a matter of time before they all start posting again.

BUT FOR NOW, we have intras. I hope you haven’t forgotten about them-- Intra submissions started a few months ago, where anyone could submit an OC who would end up being canon in the world of DC, either in the current lore or a future comic! ARA’s an example of a submission who ended up in DC’s hiatus chapters as a healer outcode, and if you submitted, they’ll show up in one way or another too, some having to do more with the plot than others.

So there were a TON of submissions and only FOUR of them could become intracodes (since intras are ridiculously rare and powerful and all). The REST are either basecodes, outcodes, or outliers, and they’ll all show up in one way or another as interactable characters later on.

--------------------------------

Due to lore secrets, I can’t tell you what your characters will be and what they’ll do. Instead, you’ll know the code type, code role, status, alignment, and power level of each. (Keeping the creators secret for privacy reasons~)

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IF YOU SUBMITTED A CHARACTER, PLEASE please PLEASE keep the following in mind:

((Your submission probably contains secrets to the character, either in backstory, traits, secret intentions, etc. The character belongs to both you and DC, and there may be some traits about your character that the audience doesn’t know. (say your character pretends to be a good guy but is secretly evil). When they show up, it’d be great for no spoilers on your end as well as mine. We’re both sharing a piece of canon here!))

--------------------------------

OK, so now some info before the submissions are released:

Your character is either a basecode, outcode, outlier, or intracode. (this is also in order from least to most powerful).

✦Basecode: Like SK or Cloud. Stuck in a void, their story has been discarded, and they are alone.

✦Outcode: They’ve escaped their void/been rescued, and are living in the wild land of the Interface. They are either living in an outcode community, leading an outcode community, or wandering the interface independently.

✦Outlier: Rare, powerful, and usually feared. Contain powers that outcodes can’t replicate and are often not accepted by the rest of the Interface.

✦Intracode: Gods of the Interface. Live in pain and extreme power. Nearly impossible to kill, and highly destructive and deadly if their power is not kept under control. There are 6 in existence including Digi.

Alright. Reveal time, are you ready?

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THE INTRACODES:

(Gods of the interface. Highly destructive and deadly.)

Name: Cancor Spiderwick Code type: Intracode Status: Hidden Alignment: True Neutral

Power level: 11/10

Name: Rollo Code type: Intracode Code Role: Outsider/Wanderer Status: Free Alignment: ???

Power level: 11/10

Name: Delta Code type: Intracode Code Role: N/A Status: Void-bound Alignment: Chaotic Evil

Power level: 11/10

Name: Millie Code type: Intracode Code Role: Outsider Status: Free Alignment: Chaotic good

Power level: 11/10

Clap it up for the intracodes 👏 👏 👏 We have two chaotic evils (including Digi) so it’ll be a fun ride ;w;

And for the other submissions~~

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BASECODES

(Trapped in their void. They are alone.)

Name: Angel Code type: Basecode Code Role: Isolated Status: Void-Bound Alignment: True Neutral

Power level: 5/10

Name: Ceryk Ardor Code type: Basecode Code Role: Isolated Status: Void-Bound Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Power level: 5/10

Name: Rox Code type: Basecode Code Role: Isolated Status: Void-Bound Alignment: True Neutral

Power level: 5/10

Name: Sophie Code type: Basecode Code Role: Isolated Status: Void-Bound Alignment: Neutral Good

Power level: 5/10

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OUTCODES

(Escaped their void, is living in the wild lands of the Interface.)

Name: Ara Code type: Outcode Code Role: Damage Control Status: Free/Famous Alignment: Chaotic good

Power level: 7/10

Name: Badru Code type: Outcode Code Role: Sector 1, Second in Command Status: Free/Famous Alignment: Chaotic good

Power level: 8/10

Name: Edgeblade Rainbow Code type: Outcode Code Role: Outsider Status: Hidden Alignment: (Is Chaotic Chaotic an alignment)

Power level: 6/10

Name: Emilia Code type: Outcode Code Role: Undercover Status: Hidden Alignment: Chaotic good

Power level: 6/10

Name: Ivan Code type: Outcode Code Role: Leader of Sector 3 Status: Free/Famous Alignment: Lawful Good

Power level: 7/10

Name: Jack Servini Code type: Outcode Code Role: Outsider Status: Hidden Alignment: True neutral

Power level: 6/10

Name: Kirai Code type: Outcode Code Role: Outsider/Wanderer Status: Hidden Alignment: Chaotic Evil

Power level: ???

Name: Liva Code type: Outcode Code Role: Sector 2, Second in Command Status: Free/Famous Alignment: Neutral Good

Power level: 8/10

Name: Luna Code type: Outcode Code Role: Exiled/Outsider Status: Hidden Alignment: Neutral Evil

Power level: ???

Name: Tank Code type: Outcode Code Role: Undercover Status: Free Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Power level: 6/10

Name: The Storyteller Code type: Outcode Code Role: N/A Status: Hidden Alignment: True Neutral

Power level: 10/10

--------------------------------

OUTLIERS

(Rare, powerful, feared. Usually not accepted by others.)

Name: Neri, Leandro Code type: Outliers Code Role: Assassins (Sector 2) Status: Free Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Power level: 9/10

Name: Storm Lycan Code type: Outlier Code Role: Leader of Sector 1 Status: Free Alignment: (Evil Evil should be an alignment)

Power level: 9/10

Name: Liam Code type: Outlier Code Role: Undercover Status: ??? Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Power level: (Varies from 5/10-10/10)

Name: Tacir Code type: Outlier Code Role: Outsider/Famous Status: Hidden Alignment: Neutral Good

Power level: 10/10

--------------------------------

OTHER

(Too lore heavy to reveal)

Name: Lyssa Code type: ??? Code Role: ??? Status: Free/??? Alignment: ???

Power level: ???

Name: Tao Lycaon Code type: ??? Code Role: Exiled/??? Status: Free/??? Alignment: Neutral evil

Power level: ???

Name: “The Sailor” Code type: ??? Code Role: Famous/??? Status: ??? Alignment: (Varies from Chaotic Good to Chaotic Evil)

Power level: ???

--------------------------------

WAIT DID YOU THINK WE’RE DONE!??!?! Nope time for questions for those who submitted.

Q/A:

✦What does the status mean for the character?:

Free = They can roam the interface as they please.

Hidden = They are running/hiding from someone/something.

Void-Bound = Accounts mostly for basecodes. They’re trapped in a void.

✦What does the code role mean for the character?:

Undercover = Likely spies/assassins. They are pretending to be something that they aren’t.

Exiled = They were banished from a community they were previously in.

Outsider = They are outside of the main communities of the Interface and live independently.

Wanderer = They don’t have a set home and travel/explore the Interface.

Isolated = Accounts mostly for basecodes. They are secluded from all and can’t escape.

Leader/Second command of [insert Sector] = Has a leadership position in Sector 1-3, all outcode communities.

Famous = They are of high power/influence, known by all.

N/A = None of the above/probably a secret honestly

✦How much is planned about my character?: It’s a little different for each, as some are more developed for the plot than others. But for the most part, all of them currently have a set DC backstory, morals, and role to play in the overall storyline. They’re all included and have relationships with the new main character and each other.

✦This is great and all, but when can I see my character?: I... I really don’t know yet!! There will be many comics following DC, all interactive and character-based. Your submission will be included in one way or another, either as a main character, antagonist, or side character. Those stories just aren’t planned out yet, but I promise your character is there.

✦Yeah, but how long will it take for me to see them in-comic?: That... Depends entirely on how long it takes to make the new comics and actually implement your character. It won’t be a matter of years, but there might have to be some patience involved with how long it takes to make these things.

✦Can my character die or kill other characters?: Yep! None of them are dead yet, but none of you have plot immunity. None. And some of you are all chaotic evil assassins, so just... Keep that in mind.

✦Can I still change my character/request changes?: Yes. If you’re truly unhappy with how your character looks right now or later on, please tell me and I’ll try to change things. They belong to both of us and you will always have a say in what happens to them.

✦Am I being credited?: Absolutely. Either in the credits at the end, description, and/or conversation with the next audience, you’ll be credited for your character all the way.

✦This looks cool, can I submit a character now?: Depends. Tell me your plans and I’ll see if I can fit them in. If not, you’ll have to accept no for an answer. I want to accept characters all the time because of how flexible DC is but there’s a lot of complications involved.

✦This is really long can I stop reading now?: YES. YOU READ THROUGH IT ALL. CONGRATS.

✦I made a submission but it isn’t on here...: WAIT WHAT???? If you made and sent a submission in which I gave you a response and it’s NOT on here, PLEASE tell me immediately through Tumblr/Discord DMs and I will drop everything to get them and apologize for 55 spam messages

I can’t stress to you enough how amazing this was or how brilliant you all are at character creation. Some of you have absolutely incredible ideas and made some golden characters, all of which seriously helped out DC and the cast for future comics. You’re all endlessly talented and it was an honor getting to work with you and add your ideas to this project!! Thank you for making this successful and giving it a chance. I’ll see you soon.

#make an intra #thank you.

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messedupessy · 3 years

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Hey so do anyone remember back in 2018 I held a 1000 followers event, where I let ya guys send in asks with numbers from a colour palette thing I wanted to do? Which I then didn’t end up doing because things happened, I lost steam and then ended up changing art programs as well and now it’s 2021 and I still haven’t done any work on them?

Well I have decided to yeet those into the trash because I have concluded they have been weighting me down af and I just need to get free of them for my own well being, and for that I am sorry for those who sent in and which I then didn’t finish even though I recall I begged so much to get more and more of those sent it, but like usual I took on too much and yeah you know how it is haha!

But that does not mean the ones of you who sent it will get nothing, as instead I am going to offer you guys sketches/regular drawings with up to 2 characters in them in replacement and as a bit of a apology UwU ❤

So I’mma tag the ones who sent the asks in here down below, any of you who are tagged are free to dm me either here on tumblr or if we chat on discord you can message me there, while I am pretty sure most of you have forgotten you have even sent these asks in since it’s been so long, so have I not, but it doesn’t change the fact that ya all did and that I still owe ya, so here goes:

@azuranagomii

@territoryaria

@megalotrashy

@the-enderwolf-princess who I can’t tag

@me-and-my-gaster

@lime-jello

@bulle-blackhole

@ioloy

@thefloatingstone

@zelticaakuma

@tyranttortoise

@bluechocowitz

@kirango-rouge

@littleblue5mcdork

@lostprinceofnaps who i can’t tag either

But that’s all of you, like I said message me either through tumblr here or on discord, where you can either request for a sketch/regular pic with up to 2 characters, or if you don’t want any and just want to let this go then just tell me so and I will then not draw anything for ya haha xD

I will reblog this post a couple of times for like a week, and let ya all get in touch with me, but if you haven’t contacted me in about a week I will assume you haven’t seen this and so I will message you instead.

And that is all ye

#MessedUpEssy #Essy Update #i guess #tagging it as such #i will have to message two of these instantly tho since i could not tag them

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cxrsedsouls · 3 years

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The Clans ;; Dawn of a New Age ( Part Four )

“You can’t be serious...” the soft voice echoed throughout the room, emerald eyes nearly glaring at the woman standing amidst the nearly empty office. This was Kyoko’s, her domain, her space. And yet the other just chose to come in and completely take over? None of this was what they wanted when they requested Bryony’s help, and though they knew it was foolish to expect her to keep things the same... they hadn’t imagined this.

“Oh I am, my dear.” Crimson irises barely even glimpse in the other’s direction, a smile placed on lips that sent a shiver trailing down Emi’s spine. The cool hand placed on her arm had her attention turning towards the one who was wrongfully being demoted. Removed from her rightful place of power as if she meant absolutely nothing. The look Kyoko shot Emi was a warning, to not press the other any further knowing what the woman was all too capable of. “What, you don’t like it?”

Finally, Bryony turned her attention to the other two, quickly closing the distance and standing before them. Even though she was only a little bit taller than Kyoko, and the same height as Emi, the woman still managed to tower over the two of them and even make them feel like children. “What this... leader has done has essentially damned our kind to extinction. I will not permit this to continue. While you may not approve of the ways things were done before you, that does not mean they weren’t without purpose.”

Cool lips part, the former Nishimora ready to rebuke only to feel the squeeze of the other’s hand once more, harder than before and she bit down on her tongue as anger began to boil beneath pale skin. “I agree to an extent that the previous generation had taken things too far, allowing for this tension to build until it resulted in an all out rebellion. But as I’ve said, there are certain basic principles that must not be forgotten. Anyone with a true sense of duty to the clans can see where this type of leadership will take us. And you certainly cannot expect me to bail you all out every single time the number of Purebloods drop because of this foolishness.”

The elder waves her hand, dismissing the two before her as she turned her back to them and stalked across the office. “Unless,” a glimpse was cast over her shoulder, eyes landing on the brunette ready to exit as she nearly froze in place. Neither responded, though neither left either, waiting to here whatever it is that this woman is planning. “I have a few potential options for the newest clan. Emi, you haven’t made your choice yet of whom you shall marry. Perhaps you’d appreciate the newest member to our clans and use this as an opportunity to start anew. Build a clan with him and, with the proper training, possibly even take the Minori clans place at the top.”

Emi felt the sudden loss of Kyoko’s presence as she left, unable to listen any further but Bryony didn’t seem to notice or care. Instead, her attention remained solely on Emi. “Do you realize that this rebellion, while Kyoko was considered the face of it, you were the true leader of it. You and that brother of yours. She had been gone for centuries, no one left truly knows her anymore nor can really trust where her allegiances lie. But you? They’d follow you without hesitation. Time and time again you’ve proven yourself, that you could be trusted. You put duty before all else. Even your brother wasn’t as loyal as you.”

Emi didn’t need to ask to understand what Bryony meant by that. She knew that Ichirou had covered for many, even those outside the clans. Had lied and hid children from the clans, had broken some of their most sacred laws... but still none of that was enough to say he hadn’t been as loyal as she. He was just more capable of following his heart where she, on the other hand, seemed unable to. “At least allow me to introduce you two, add him to the list of possible suitors?”

A shaky breath is taken, eyes now lowering to glare down at the floor. “Of course, My Queen.”

#Emi ( drabble )#bryony ;; drabble #kyoko ;; drabble #{ The Clans ;; Dawn of a New Age }

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mxliv-oftheendless · 3 years

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Worth

I’M BACK BITCHES!!! It’s been a while since I’ve written anything and posted it, mostly because I’ve had stuff to do, plus it’s been an emotionally draining month so I haven’t had much inspiration. But now I’m back, and it’s with another KISSteriaverse story!!! It’s pretty long (SEVEN PAGES in the Word document), but I love it all, and I hope you all like it!! This story was inspired by the song “Heroes” by Mans Zelmerlow (it’s a great song, please go listen to it). Happy reading!

After his tumultuous breakup with Nikki, Starchild has confined himself to his bedroom, miserable and lonely as he mourns. But the memory of an old legend will send him on a journey searching for a way to start healing himself...

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“Tell me about the cliff, Mama!”

“What cliff, my little star?”

“The special cliff! That everyone in our family climbs!”

“Ohhh, I see. Well get comfortable and I’ll tell you. Far away from here is the Sacred Cliff of Valkun, one of our oldest worshipped Gods.”

“Do we still worship Valkun?”

“No, I’m afraid; time has left him to be forgotten. But his temples and cliff remain. The cliff is a sacred place, said to hold a waterfall with the purest of water. You can see it outside your window, that high cliff to the right.”

“I see it! It’s beautiful, isn’t it, Mama?”

“Yes, it is, my love. But it is also dangerous, and said to have claimed many lives. It is said that only those who are royalty can climb the cliff and survive. It became a sort of rite of passage for our ancestors to test their worth by climbing the cliff. If they survived the climb and drinking the water, they were worthy of their title and crown.”

“Did you climb the cliff, Mama? Before you became Queen?”

“Well, that tradition has long since died. But yes, I have climbed the cliff. It was treacherous and strenuous, but I was able to prove my worth. And someday, so will you.”

“By climbing the cliff?”

“Yes, perhaps by climbing the cliff. But know this, my son: you do not need to do those sorts of trials to prove your worth to others. You must be the one to measure your own worth, and it comes from within. And if you show no fear in the face of challenges, you will overcome them all.”

-KISSTERIA-

The sky above was overcast, painted a light grey and seeming to threaten rain. But Starchild still opened the doors of his balcony and stepped outside anyway, wrapping his blanket tighter around his shoulders. He knew it wouldn’t rain, today or tomorrow; he supposed it was his foresight allowing him to know.

Funny, he thought, almost bitterly, how his foresight allowed him to know whether or not it would rain and yet he was never warned he would have to go through so much.

Starchild had been in his bedroom for almost a month. He couldn’t face the world just yet, not after what happened. He knew he had done what was best, severing his String of Fate to Nikki and permanently ending… whatever it was they had. But it still hurt… Gods, it still hurt so much. He couldn’t believe what a blind fool he’d been, couldn’t believe he let himself stay in a rapidly souring relationship, just because he thought he could “save” Nikki.

But that was exactly why he stayed in his bedroom for now. It felt shameful, almost, to want to show his face to other KISSterians with the risk that they knew their Prince, the one that would lead them as King one day, had been so blind and naïve.

Starchild sighed, curling his fingers around the blanket. People were worried about him—Demon, his mother, Fox, all of them tried to get him to come out. There had even been that odd occurrence where Satchel of all people briefly visited him. He knew it was because they cared (well, except for Satchel), but still… he just wanted to be alone.

This was his own doing, but he still felt incredibly broken. He felt so alone, so weak, so incapable of doing anything right. His friends were probably losing their faith in him—they would soon join the Council, who never had much faith in him anyway. He didn’t have any faith in himself either, not after everything that had happened on Earth.

A bird suddenly fluttered past his vision and landed on the stone railing. He looked down at it for a moment, recognizing it as a hummingbird, and watched as it inspected the flower pots he kept on his balcony. For a moment he wondered how nice it would be to be a hummingbird; flying around, doing as he pleased, free to do so without any fear of rejection, manipulation, toxicity, or low self-esteem. All he would have to be afraid of were predators.

The hummingbird suddenly chirped and took off again, and Starchild watched it fly away. As it did, his eyes suddenly caught of something to the very right of his balcony, far far off in the distance. It was a gorgeous cliff face, with the rock colored deep hues of red and purple. The top was so high up it was covered by the grey clouds.

The Sacred Cliff of Valkun. The highest cliff in KISSteria, rivaling perhaps even the volcano the Destroyer was sealed into. He suddenly recalled a memory from his childhood, of the time his mother told him a story about the cliff. How his ancestors had a tradition of climbing it to prove they were worthy of ruling the realm. That tradition had died out centuries ago, before even the Elder was born, but it was still thought that only a member of the royal family could survive such a treacherous journey.

I wonder if I could climb the cliff face…

It was one thought, one little, idle thought as he gazed out at the cliff. And yet it was enough to give him pause. His gaze became more thoughtful, more considering. If the goal of the climb was to prove someone was worthy…

His fists clenched over his blanket. Then he turned on his heel and went back inside his bedroom to put on a pair of boots specially designed to handle long journeys. Then he grabbed a black cloak and threw it over his shoulders, and lifted the hood over his head. He went back out to his balcony, and took off into the air, flying straight towards the Sacred Cliff of Valkun.

-KISSTERIA-

A little while later, Demon strode up to Starchild’s bedroom door, Fox following at his heels. He approached the door and rapped his fist on the door. “Starchild! I don’t care if you’re wallowing in misery, you need to get out of your bedroom!”

“Please?” Fox added. “We’re here if you want to talk to us about it.”

They both waited for Starchild’s usual answer, a tired request for them to leave him be. But there was no answer.

Demon banged on the door. “Starchild! Did you hear what we said?”

Still no answer. Fox bit his fingernails anxiously. “Do you think he’s all right?’

In response, Demon lifted his foot and kicked the door open. “Let’s find out.”

When they entered the room, they were surprised and very confused to see that the room was empty. Starchild’s bed was unmade, like he had spent time in it like he usually did these days, and a purple throw blanket was tossed haphazardly onto the comforter. The doors to the balcony were open, the curtains lightly waving from the wind outside. But Starchild was nowhere to be seen.

“Starchild?” Demon called out. No answer. The Star Prince had mysteriously disappeared, from the one room of the castle he had been in for weeks.

“We didn’t see him when we were headed here,” Fox mused aloud. “Where did he go?”

-KISSTERIA-

A large part of him was telling him to turn back.

The cliff face towered above him, so much that if he leaned his head back anymore he would fall backwards. Clouds covered the top, hiding it from view. And yet it was even more breathtaking up close than from a distance; it really was a beautiful cliff.

Then again, hadn’t he heard once that many in his family had died trying to make the climb?

Starchild clenched his hands. What were you thinking? You thought you could climb a huge cliff face, even though you have no gear, no water, and no guarantee of survival? How many people would laugh at you if they knew you were doing this?

There was plenty of reasons to give up while he could and turn back. Of course he couldn’t climb a treacherous cliff. The idea that he could even attempt it was crazy. He should just turn around, fly away, and go back… back home, back to his bedroom, ignoring everyone and wallowing in his own misery, in the knowledge that he was foolish and naïve, in the fact that he would never be good enough…

Starchild frowned. He couldn’t keep living like this. He couldn’t keep drowning himself in a pit of grief and self-loathing. Even if he probably wouldn’t make the climb… he still had to try anyway.

So he reached out and grasped a rock, and began to climb.

-KISSTERIA-

Like all the stories he’d heard said, it was a treacherous climb.

The higher he went, the stronger the winds were. He could feel it blowing through his hair and at his back, and felt it making his cloak blow to the side. It was difficult to find stable footing, and he’d come close to slipping at times. If he ever lost his grip or footing, it meant he’d be surely sent falling to his death. He didn’t dare look down, afraid he’d lose his nerve if he did.

A part of him wondered why he didn’t just fly to the top and save himself all the danger. But he refused to do that. He didn’t want to cheat. If this was what he had to do, he was going to do it as it should be done. So he kept climbing, slowly and diligently.

He wondered briefly if anyone had noticed he was gone. Maybe Demon or Fox came around like they usually did to try and get him to leave his room. Perhaps his mother had come to try and coax him out. How would they react, he wondered, if they knew he was trying to climb the Sacred Cliff of Valkun?

If the Council knew, they’d be making preparations for a royal funeral right now, he thought sardonically. They would never in a million years think he could do something like this.

A thought suddenly popped into his head: what would Nikki do if he knew he was doing this?

… Would he even care?

His hand accidentally grabbed hold of a loose rock that broke free of the mountain. He let out a yelp as his arm swung out wildly, and his head couldn’t help turning to watch as the rock fell below him, all the way back down to the ground. Oh Gods… he was so far up now…

His remaining hand gripped tighter around its crevice. He turned his head back around to try and find another stable rock. He braced his feet against the rough stone and reached up. Then he kept climbing.

Why did he care what Nikki would think anymore? He had never cared about what Starchild thought. He never cared about what Starchild wanted. He laughed the first time you said you loved him. You let yourself be vulnerable and he laughed at you.

Why had he ever thought that Nikki would be different than how he appeared? Why had he ever considered someone who drank, snorted, and fucked whoever he wanted without a care in the world—why had he ever thought someone like that would be able to have a stable relationship? Of course he wouldn’t. There had been so many signs, so many red flags, and he’d ignored all of them. Gods, you really are better off without him.

The air began to grow thinner and thinner as he kept climbing. He had no idea how much time had passed; had it been hours? Should he stop and rest?

“After all I did for you, you fuckin’ ditched me!!”

No… he should probably keep going. He reached up to keep climbing.

The air grew colder around him, and it seemed as if fog was obscuring his view now. Was the thin air getting to his head? Keep going… Find the stable footing and keep going… and keep breathing…

“Look at that!” The voice of a snide little bully suddenly echoed, almost as if he’d actually said it out loud. “The freak thinks he’s going to climb the Sacred Cliff of Valkun!”

He shut his eyes briefly as laughter seemed to erupt around him.

“What do you think you’re doing, freak? You’ll never make it!”

“Your family’s already ashamed of you, why even bother trying?”

Keep climbing…

“I hope you slip and fall, freak!”

His hand began to shake.

“I bet he will; he can’t do anything!”

Why was it suddenly so hard to breathe?

“And you never will, freak!”

“Freak!”

Freak

FREAK

His feet slipped.

Starchild could feel himself beginning to fall. His hands clawed to get a grip on the rock.

How he regained his grip on the cliff was a blur, but what mattered was he stopped falling. He pressed his face to the stone and panted hard for breath. His heart was racing in his chest. His back hurt from all the climbing. His mind felt disoriented from the thin air. The wind blew at his hair and through his cloak. He had no idea how far up he was, or how close he was to the top, but he didn’t care. All the voices in his head had fallen quiet. He was alone again, alone up on a cliff face, with no one to save him if he fell, no one to watch while he tried… what was he trying to do?

“Did you climb the cliff, Mama? Before you became Queen?”

Gods, how young had he been when his mother first told him about the Sacred Cliff? So young…

“Yes, I have climbed the cliff. It was treacherous and strenuous, but I was able to prove my worth. And someday, so will you.”

He remembered how his mother had smoothed back his bangs and kissed his forehead. His mother had never given up on him. No matter what he did, she never lost faith in him. She never stopped loving him.

He could do this. He could prove he was worthy. He could prove to himself he was good enough.

He had to start climbing again. He was probably so close now.

“But know this, my son: you do not need to do those sorts of trials to prove your worth to others. You must be the one to measure your own worth, and it comes from within.”

His hand moved to grip the stone. He began to climb. One foot in front of the other.

“And if you show no fear in the face of challenges…”

He could do this. He could prove he was worthy. He could prove to himself he was good enough.

“… you will overcome them all.”

The sky was starting to grow a little darker. Twilight was beginning to appear; he could see it on the cliff. His back hurt, his hands hurt, everything hurt, but he kept going. He kept climbing. If he did this, if he climbed the cliff and drank the water from the waterfall at the top, he could know once and for all if he was worthy. He so wanted to succeed; he so wanted to know he was worthy.

He had to be close now. He reached up to grab onto another rock…

… and his hand touched a flat surface.

His heart skipped a beat. Hope flared up. Just a little more…

And then finally, he was climbing over the cliff ledge and collapsing onto solid ground.

Dark spots clouded over his vision and he very nearly passed out. He could hear his heart pounding like a drum in his ears. His entire body was aching with exhaustion and he could feel the sweat on his brow. For a second, he wondered if this was a fever dream created from the thin air. His hands patted the ground beside him. Solid. Flat.

… And was that the sound of rushing water?

He rolled onto his side and heaved himself up onto his hands and knees, then looked up. There, just a few feet away from him, was a waterfall. It was smaller than he’d expected, but it was housed in a beautiful, layered rock formation and rushed down into a waiting lake. There were statues carved into either side of the waterfall of men, perhaps distant ancestors, pointing their spears at the water. Moss and grass covered every inch of the area around the falls, and the whole picturesque scene seemed almost ethereal in the twilight sun.

I did it… Holy shit… I did it…

Starchild managed a shocked smile as he lifted himself to his feet. He had climbed the cliff face. Now, only one more thing left to do.

He stumbled the entire time, but he never fell as he made his way towards the waterfall. His heart began to pound again. It was said if the royal drank from the waterfall and lived, they were worthy of ruling the realm. But the legends never said what would happen if they died…

His hands shook slightly as he cupped them and inched them into the waterfall. The water was ice cold. He lifted his hands to his mouth and drank.

The water rushed into his mouth and down his parched throat; it felt so good to finally drink water. It tasted sweet and so pure, and strangely from just one little handful of water he felt replenished completely. He lowered his hands and waited, holding his breath.

… Nothing happened.

His breath came out in a gasp and his knees finally gave out. He sagged against the rock wall, and strangely, he began to laugh. Or cry, he wasn’t sure which.

He’d done it. He’d really done it. He’d successfully climbed the Sacred Cliff of Valkun and drank from the waterfall. He couldn’t believe it.

He ran to the cliff edge, stopping a few inches away, and looked out. He could see everything there was for miles around from up here. In the far distance he saw the capital city, with the Sisterhood’s Temple and the palace rising up over everything. It was so beautiful… Everything looked so beautiful.

Starchild threw up his hands euphorically and let out a scream of joy. “YES!!”

He really was worthy. Perhaps he always had been. But after so many years of painful doubt, he finally believed it. How could he not, after what he’d just done?

“I am worthy,”

It came out in a whisper, but Starchild’s heart soared when he said it aloud. A tear of joy rolled down his cheek. He would never forget this, ever.

-KISSTERIA-

“Where the hell have you been?!”

“You’ve been missing for hours! We were so worried about you!”

Starchild couldn’t help smiling affectionately at Demon and Fox. He’d discovered them waiting for him in his bedroom upon returning to his balcony. He had such wonderful friends.

“Even Demon was worried about you!” Fox added.

“I was—okay, fine, I was worried,” Demon reluctantly confessed. “You just disappeared the whole day, and when you come back it’s almost dark. Where were you?”

“I was outside,” Starchild responded as he unfastened his cloak… that would have to be cleaned extensively.

“You look exhausted,” Demon stated. “What were you doing?”

“You should eat something,” Fox suggested. “Have you eaten anything? Are you all right?”

Instead of answering right away, Starchild’s eyes strayed out the window to look back at the Sacred Cliff of Valkun. It looked so beautiful in the sunset, set against the pink and purple sky.

He smiled and turned back to Fox. “I’m fine, Fox, really. Better than fine, actually. And food sounds lovely right now.”

Demon nodded and stood up. “There should be food in the kitchens. C’mon, Fox.”

“Actually, I think I’ll come with you.”

Both of them stopped and turned to him in shock. “Really?” Fox asked hopefully.

Starchild’s smile widened and he nodded. “Really. I think I’ve spent enough time in my bedroom.”

“Great!” Fox leapt forward to hug him, then bounded towards the door. “Come on!”

“I don’t know where you went or what you did, and sooner or later I want to know,” Demon stated to him as they followed after him, “but it seems like it did you good.”

Starchild smiled as he thought of the waterfall on top of the cliff. “It did.” Then he left his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

#Shandi's KISSteriaverse #y'all probably expected this would be a starchild story lol #so sue me i love him and his emotional journey #i may have projected a little of what i've been feeling lately onto him slightly... but it's okay #i haven't written anything concrete in a while it feels nice #thanks for reading!#hope you enjoyed!#kiss au writing #my writing

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unincised · 4 years

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It’s 12 in the morning and instead of doing homework I wrote a meta fic in the perspective of Dream and Wilbur during Dream SMP War. You can read it under the cut!

Inspired by (but not based around) <this post> and everyone’s replies, because that got me messed up tbh.

(It’s probably not chronologically correct / some events are probably forgotten or misinterpreted, but it’s early and I’m bored and inspired, so idk man.)

3k words; 2nd POV; any content warnings in the OG war apply here, but I don’t go into graphic detail so don’t worry. Might post on AO3 if I’m feeling cheeky.

You started to regret your decision. They haven’t existed on your land for too long, but they had already caused more trouble than what was worth. Still, you allowed them to stay, because they captivated your citizens; Strange accents, lovable characteristics, and a reputation that they grew from living elsewhere. You had figured that they would make great additions to your Court, for as long as they wanted it.

You never anticipated they’d take advantage. You never thought they’d stoop so low as to begin forming their own illegal acts behind your back.

There were whispers among the people; Forced smiles that promised secrets. You grit your teeth, because how could anyone keep secrets from you? From their King? Your closest friends knew nothing, but that didn’t mean nothing was happening. So, despite their best efforts to keep you calm, you went out scouting. There were tunnels all across your land, stretching as far as needed, appearing and disappearing, reforming to your needs. You knew this land better than anyone, and you used it to your advantage.

Tommy was acting awfully strange. Forced laughter, nervous glances over his shoulder, sword always strapped to his side. You tailed him until he was no longer on the main road, sneaking around a mountain and deep into the woods. Past a river. He stopped outside a single caravan, knocking on the door and being allowed entry a few moments later. Your eyes narrowed; No one informed you of a residence this far out.

Finding a better vantage point, you peered through the foggy glass and saw brewing stands lining the walls, a man you knew to be Wilbur pulling out a stack of blaze rods. Tommy visibly laughed, rubbing his hands together in excitement.

You couldn’t believe it. In his own home? Did they have no respect?

That night, you confided with George and Sapnap, watching as they sneered at the blatant lack of tact. It was the final straw: You made a final decision to ban them until further notice, maybe in a simple temporary status if they cooperated.

No one explained these things to you. You had no older advisors, no parental guidance, just your two friends who you’d trust with your life. You had no experience dealing with treason within your ranks, especially between two foreign ambassadors that weren’t supposed to break off with their own agenda. This was out of your control, and your confrontation hadn’t even happened yet. There was an unease within the three of you, but it was left unaddressed. You had no time to ponder these things. You needed to act.

Wilbur Soot was not like you. He was older, had experience, was once teamed up with legends that everyone knew the names of. He had a long-standing status within this very tight community. Compared to him, you were no one. You were younger, newer, growing fast but that meant nothing in terms of status. Your land was not well known either — if you ever needed help, you doubted that others would come to your aid. In this way, you were alone.

Despite your warnings, they did not back off. By this point, you were starting to get desperate. If you couldn’t handle a few criminals, how were you to keep your legitimacy as a ruler? You would be considered a joke, possibly even overthrown. Most importantly, how would your friends see you?

Through all of this, the citizens were turning. George arrived back looking frantic, shedding his commoner clothing and pacing around the room. He spoke of the murmurs in the crowd, of the people starting to lean towards those… those criminals. They spoke of you as a tyrant, singing praises of those foreigners’ bravery and justice.

Alone with your thoughts, you reflected. You knew that this war — and you knew it would become a war, no matter how much Alyssa denied it — would need to end with you on top. Luckily, this was something you could do. You were born to fight, knew the newest and deadliest attack methods, knew how to plan out traps, how to get people right where you needed them and strike before they even registered what happened. You had slain dragons; this team of misfits wouldn’t stand a chance.

The next day, you burned Tubbo’s house to the ground, adrenaline coursing through your veins as you screamed your declaration. WHITE FLAGS. OUTSIDE, BY TOMORROW! Sapnap cheered as the mansion lit the night up in a red glow. You knew that they’d be able to see it from where they cowered behind their walls in the forest. You hoped that they would back down before any real damage was done.

Two new allies joined your side, a young boy called Punz and a man named Eret. You only publicised one, the other was an Ace. Eret spoke in the accent of their opposers, came from the same region of their world, was charismatic and excellent at deception. Without hesitation, you gave him orders to be their spy.

“I want something in return,” There was a smug grin on his face, as if he already knew he’d get what was asked.

“Name your price.” You didn’t so much like compromises on such time-sensitive topics, but you knew that his role in this war would go a long way.

He wanted a castle, and a title to fit it. At first, you worried this was his obscure way of asking for your crown. It wasn’t; He wanted the title, not the responsibilities. With a suppressed sigh of irritation, you shook his hand.

Eret fit into the newly dubbed “L’manberg” seamlessly. He reported that they had no suspicions, going as far as to let him help build their wall of black stone. Slowly, the tension left your body; With this, the war was a guaranteed win.

Sapnap, ever the arsonist, strode up you with a mischievous smile, toying with a flint and steel. His idea was childish, would only really serve as something to fill the downtime and cause panic, but he agreed anyway. It was methodical, calming, watching the trees around L’manberg go up in flames until all that remained was a charred wasteland where a lush forest once thrived. George let out an exasperated sigh when he finally arrived, looking like a disappointed parent. To make up for it, you allowed him to light one block of explosives in the entrance of the nation’s walls, cheering and whooping as it cracked the stone and left a sizable indentation in the earth. For a time, things were perfect.

The harsh realities came crashing down when he arrived back home, finding almost no citizens on his side, harsh glares and spit words of villain. It seemed as if everyone forgot why the war was started in the first place. Did no one remember that it was them who came, betrayed what few laws he had in place, and then proceeded to create a nation on his land? Yet people sympathised with the four traitors — half of which were children. If anything, the notion that Tommy and Tubbo were being used for Wilbur’s own gain was something to fight against, but still no one listened.

You were beyond desperation: You needed to end this once and for all. Giving Eret the signal, and suiting up with your three other allies, the Dream Team finally headed off to war.

It was brutal. You arrived with the upper hand, camping atop the Embassy and sniping them off, effectively pinning them in Tommy’s old hut. The tides changed, and you retreated while they advanced. A game of cat and mouse, the roles switching mid-battle and no one knowing who was going to end up on top.

You sent off Punz to check on Eret, who had stayed behind in L’manberg. He arrived back with a confident smile, nodding once. The plan was set in motion, and you waited until the group of traitors returned back to their nation to regroup and restock. You lead the way through the charred remains of your land, dodging old traps and keeping to the shadows. The looming walls of L’manberg came into view, and a collective spike of excitement went through them. This was it; This was the finale. After all the failed negotiations: Discs, explosives, words — none of it mattered.

The hidden wall slid open, and in one fell swoop, you overpowered the criminals once and for all.

A message arrived the next day, from none other than Tommy. On it was a simple request for a duel, written in as few words as possible. As if the very notion of you reading his words disgusted him. George and Sapnap scoffed at the request, knowing the outcome with confidence, but you accepted it anyway.

Tommy was tired, bags under his eyes and the bow held low. Still, his eyes burned with passion, a promise of your defeat. Such a weak promise. At the count of ten you turned, appreciating Tommy’s unwavering resolve before firing a precise arrow and watching it plunge into the boy’s shoulder. His own arrow whizzed past your head, a few inches from its mark.

With one last look to the group as they crowded around Tommy in an act of protection, you turned and left.

The boy was persistent, a trait that you both appreciated and hated. A week later he was back, standing before you, a round object held tightly in his hands. You raised an eyebrow, finally impressed with the negotiation. Yes, this was something you could get behind. A fair trade: Something important to him for something important to you. A single music disc for an entire nation. Without context, the deal would seem weak and worthless. You knew better. You knew that his disc was treasured above anything else Tommy had. It wasn’t just a disc, it was leverage.

You took it from his weak grasp, watching as his hands clenched around empty air, head held low, but shouldered squared. The disc was turned over in your hands, as if in contemplation, before you acquiesced. He seemed to curl up into himself, and you wondered if this was something he wanted at all, or if it was the mental ministrations of Wilbur.

Nevertheless, you bid him a good day and went home. For now, you promised yourself, just for now you’d let them be.

The boy was surprisingly easy to betray. He gave you and your fellow friends free reign of his land so long as you followed his rules and played nice. You wanted to laugh outright, seeing right through that clay mask and into the eyes of a boy who knew nothing of real life. His position was unique, what with holding such a powerful title at such a young age, and that expanse of untouched land. He had no advisors, no guidance, following his and his friends’ own immature instincts. It was funny to you, but something else itched under your skin. You forced a smile at the interactions, convincingly obedient, but behind the curtains you sneered at this… child’s rule. What about him made for a King? How was he able to gather so many loyal citizens?

The amusement you originally felt twisted into jealousy.

To spite this boy and his very idea of ruling, you planned a coup. A revolution. Something to stir the pot, just to take him down several notches. The first step was Tommy. Naive, malleable Tommy, who played his part perfectly without even knowing it was pre-planned. Truthfully, nothing was remarkably illegal or interesting about creating a drug business deep into the forest, but it was a start. You snuck Tommy notes, telling of a fun project you wanted his participation in. You told him that he couldn’t tell a soul — sans Tubbo, of course — and waited for that reliable Tommy behaviour of not being able to keep a secret.

When he arrived on the doorstep of your Caravan, you could feel the eyes of someone else in the shadows of the trees. You made a show of it, leading Tommy to the room with a window, where everything was set up in plain view. The child was none the wiser, grabbing eagerly at the blaze rods, happily shrieking at this new turn of events. You promised him glory. You were on the right side of the war.

And there would be a war.

Dream was not a cunning ruler. He was smart, sure — everyone knew of his dangerous traps, of him outmaneuvering several people at once, of the several dragons he had slain just for fun — but he knew nothing of politics. He never addressed his people, never tried to win their favor, focusing all of his attention on countering every single one of your plans. You used this to its fullest potential, entering the empty spotlight and basking in the sympathetic gaze of the former King’s citizens. He no longer controlled them; They were yours. Their support was yours, their love was yours, and they promised you loyalty.

You took it all, and turned it back on Dream. In a beautiful display of true political power, you watched as your new followers pieced together their own narrative. Dream’s status was ruined, his name dragged through the mud, and you didn’t even need to do much. It was glorious.

There were casualties in war. Tubbo’s home was not a variable you accounted for, but with a few pats on the head, the problem was glossed over. Children were simple that way, you supposed. You told them that he could rebuild a new one, a better one. Homes were temporary, independence was forever. Tommy was the final word, escorting his friend away while trying his best to empathise. The sorrowful expression dropped on your face, and you turned back to more important matters.

A new face was standing at the entrance of your nation. He looked lost, hopeful, a tad bit tired. His eyes were covered by dark glasses. Eret was a sort of enigma, seeming to be a perfect addition to the team. They didn’t ask questions, did as they were told, was never mean to the younger boys. With his help, the wall around L’manberg was completed. Eret’s story was that had lived in Dream’s realm for a long time, but never seemed to fit in anywhere. As the tensions rose between the King and people of their origin, Eret no longer felt safe in the Kingdom. He wanted somewhere to belong, and he knew that you were the right man to give him that chance.

You had never heard of Eret before then, so you assumed the story legitimate. You had originally planned to still keep a close eye, but Eret was disarming, fitting into your ranks like he was there all along, never seeming like he was telling anything but the truth. He took on responsibility for Tommy and Tubbo, something you appreciated greatly. Until there was reason not to, you accepted him.

Tommy was enthusiastic, ready to charge into battle at a moment's notice. He stayed glued to your side, attempting to mimic and become a perfect copy. As if he was hoping to take your place someday. How funny. Besides that, he was comparable to a guard dog, which you could appreciate to an extent (you’d appreciate it more if he would stop trying to challenge enemies to 1v1s at every opportunity). You deduced that, in a few years — when he was finally combat-ready — he could make a formidable opponent. But Tommy didn’t have that luxury of time, so you made do.

Another thing about Tommy, was his obsession with two particular music discs. You wish you had found out this weakness sooner, because by the time Tommy told you, Dream had already discovered its leverage. Tommy and Tubbo would spend days off-schedule trading useless items with Dream, managing to trick him a few times until Dream came back with a netherite axe and forcibly stole them back again. It seemed to be an endless cycle, one which you did not appreciate. When Tommy returned with the two discs — confirmed to be the real ones — you told him that no longer was he to toy with the enemy like that. A dark look crossed his face, before compliance overtook. He saluted and went to find an Ender Chest.

You awoke to the forest surrounding your walls alit with fire. Standing on the outskirts, tossing aside a spent flint and steel, was Sapnap. His grin was maniacal, dark eyes staring at you with a challenging expression, knowing that he was untouchable. You had made it clear that nothing inside your nation was to be touched, but that of course excluded everything else. You grit your teeth, turning back to confer with Eret.

As soon as your foot touched the steps leading into the caravan, an explosion shook the ground under you. A cloud of smoke and fire emanated from the entrance of your country. Debris flew in all directions, gravel and dirt landing in your hair and dusting your clothes. The sound of cheering was heard in the distance.

When the final battle plan commenced, everything went wrong. Tubbo returned the day of the attack with news that they raided his home and broke all the potions he had spent days preparing. Your stock was nowhere near the needed amount. When on the battlefield, the group of netherite soldiers had you all pinned, fire arrows raining down from the skies. Even when you were able to change the tides, you quickly ran out of resources and needed to return home. It was a constant up and down, and you were only able to relax when inside the safety of L’manberg’s walls.

Eret had something up his sleeve. Something he’d been working on in secret. You felt an unease, because the man you had thought to be an open book was capable of hiding an entire underground bunker, complete with chests filled with…

Nothing. The chests were empty, and you turned in alarm when the sound of a button was pushed.

A few days later, Tommy entered your quarters, eyes downcast in something similar to shame. You suppressed a sigh, knowing that nothing good could come from a look like that. As it turned out, Tommy had challenged Dream to a duel. A final act, winner takes all. You didn’t know what to feel. As the war progressed, you saw the change in Tommy; He holds himself differently now. Dried cuts covered his face, bruises littered across his body, a near-imperceptible limp on the right leg. He was in no position for a duel, but it was out of your control. He had brought this upon himself, and despite it all you knew he had to follow through.

An arrow embedded itself deep into Tommy’s shoulder, and you swallowed harshly. He fell to the ground, and his friends surrounded him in a flurry of panic. Dream was gone just as fast as he arrived. Somewhere inside you, you knew that this would be the outcome. Still, you were disappointed.

You sat atop the walls, charred and cracked, needing several repairs after all they went through. But they weren’t your walls anymore, were they? Dream and his posse had won, and it was time for you to leave. In an attempt to overthrow that boy, you made him stronger. The citizens were divided, one half cheering at Dream’s victory, the other crying at L’manberg’s fall. When had this game become so serious? You didn’t expect this attachment to a throwaway nation that was only expected to live as long as it was entertaining. Now it felt like a real home, a place of sanctuary. You did this, you built this place, you fought for it. Still, it was no longer yours.

“I did it, Wilbur.” Tommy’s voice, normally loud and childish, had a somber tone. There was an edge of maturity, and of something gained while another was lost. You looked at him, taking in his eyes that seemed on the verge of tears, of exhaustion laced into every feature on his face, of calloused hands littered with nasty blisters. What did you do? The answer was not expected — you were ready to say goodbye to this place, to move onto the next project, to forget L’manberg ever existed.

A smile tugged at your lips. So faithful were his soldiers, so giving, so ready to sacrifice everything for something their leader barely believed in. You pulled Tommy close, embracing him in a tight hug that felt so unfamiliar. Your smile turned into a sharp grin, overlooking your land and seeing so many futures, so many possibilities.

“I’m proud of you, Tommy.”

#when I went back to link the post i found more additions to it #and i'm sad all over again #also wilbur is manipulative in here so just be warned #dream smp #tommyinnit #dreamwastaken #georgenotfound #sapnap #wilbur soot #tubbo #theeret #I FORGOT FUNDY I'M SORRY #JUST IMAGINE HIM OFF ON THE SIDELINES BEING A NEGLECTED CHILD #punz

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toshis-puppycat · 4 years

Text

Unfortunately, I Think I Love You Too Part 2

A/n: I should mention bcs I seemed to have forgotten to put it. Y/n does go out. Ya know food is necessary for living. But she does not go out with Heros. Like her off duty self blocks off any connection to heros. Except for like three of them, technically now four, which I'll slightly get into today and it's the only spoiler you're getting. Also I just wanted to put again this is dedicated to @traqicalromance the girl who's got all my uwus!! I was debating about posting this first but ya'll know how it goes 😁 Hope you enjoy!

Summary: Hawks is gonna be more into, well your life now. And oof, you are not happy about that.

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A couple days had passed since that fatal day you decided to work with Hawks. You were being followed, no big deal. It was only when you decided to go out as a civilian that you were being followed. No one knew you were a pro-hero after all, Hawks had kept his promise of not telling anyone what you looked like, it was the one thing you felt grateful for at the moment. But this was too much. You literally had to walk where heros patrolled now. But of course it couldn't be just any hero oh no. It had to be him. It just had to be where Hawks and his sidekicks patrolled. And wouldn't you know it he fucking preened at the fact you walked through where he was patrolling. You knew he was.

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He wasn't. It was concerning how you were walking through where he patrolled now. And he knew for a fact you thought he didn't notice the same thing you did. You were being followed. He could see it the moment you ended up walking through his patrol the first time. Knowing your face helped a lot in that sense. You never walked through his areas before, especially not when he patrolled. He always made sure to fly down to where you were when you walked through, it seemed like when he did that the person following you would stop. You wouldn't scowl at him, when he'd do it but he could see the thinly veiled irritation in your eyes. You probably thought he was goading you into doing something. He wasn't trying to do that per say, but damn did you look pretty when you got angry at him. It's why he liked you so much when you'd first met at that charity event. It was pretty cool how you somehow managed to avoid having other heros know what you looked like. The few being a former pro, Sir Nighteye and Nezu. Although your relationship with Nighteye seemed to be a bit off. Not in a bad way necessarily but your interactions with each other were strained. In your hero garb you had no problem talking with All Might or Nezu, but Nighteye was different. Anyone who paid attention could see it. And Hawks paid a lot of attention to you.

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When you got home there was a note on your door.

"Don't think that hero can hide you."

You quickly went inside your home and prepared for your patrol that night. Taking great care to put the note in a safe place with all your other files concerning that. You wished you could remember a time you weren't worried about being ambushed by them. You missed feeling safe. You had to get some help.

You went to the police station that night, dressed in your hero garb. You sent a quick text to Naomasa, had all the files you were able to collect over the years when you kept being found and had them stuffed in a bag. You were really tired of moving as a civilian, you wanted to settle down. You wanted to enjoy your life and go out. This was going to stop. Whether they wanted it to or not.

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He said he'd leave you alone but honestly you were just too interesting to let go of. You had your entire life shrouded in mystery. Even the Hero Committee barely had information on you. Just that you were collected as a child by All Might and Sir Nighteye from some dangerous living arrangement and preferred to live a life as a civilian after you reached that age. But obviously you didn't do that. How you'd managed to convince them of that was shocking. Why he didn't tell them the truth was even more shocking. Now he was watching you, dressed in your hero outfit walking to the police station that that one detective worked at. What was his quirk again? Ah yes, True Man worked here didn't he? He couldn't just walk in without a reason though, Hawks didn't patrol in this area. Certainly not at night either. Spotlight hero and all. Why were you here? Then he got a call from the Hero Committee.

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"I'm not some civilian Naomasa! I can defend myself!" You yelled.

"We weren't saying that you can't handle yourself y/n. But they got bold with this. They found out where you lived in no time." He said, you sighed. This was going to be stressful. Interacting with the Hero Committee was always stressful, having to interact with them because All Might literally can't help you right now and it sucked. "We already contacted them anyways. We had to follow procedure since you still live here and they were connected to the original case." He moved closer to you. "I'm sorry… that it's like this. But we'll catch them this time." You wanted to believe it, you really hoped it was going to be true this time. You made sure you were dressed in your hero garb when you left, you patrolled your area quickly, and then you went back to what was supposed to be your safe haven, if it could ever be that again.

Naomasa called you the next day when he knew for a fact you'd be awake. You had to go to the Hero Committee today, and they'd let one of their heros go to protect you. You tried to not let that affect you. You weren't a regular civilian, but you also weren't a known hero for the committee. Unfortunate really, but you didn't want there to be any connection between your two lifestyles. You'd seen first hand how quickly it would quite literally fuck everything up for you. It was why you mainly fought without your quirk, and endured the insulting jabs. The less the connection there was the better.

When you walked in the Hero Committee building, you wanted to scream. You wanted to leave and run away. That wasn't who you were though. You were strong, you were a hero. You felt terribly small when off duty though. Like you were that small child All Might and Nighteye saved years ago. But you stayed, you followed them to a quiet room and sat down at the table. You waited until they told you what was going to be done.

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Hawks had to meet with the Hero Committee today. Something about them choosing a protection detail for a witness. He'd rather not do this when you were in danger. Rude yeah, especially since this was an actual civilian and not a coworker. But seeing you get that shaken by a case, when he knew for a fact you'd seen and heard much worse so in his opinion it was not a good sign. But then he saw you, sitting at table for their conference looking so lost. "What?" He thought. But your head jerked up in response, eyes wide. Oh, he said it aloud. "Hey sweetheart."

"Please do not tell me they chose you for this." You said, looking back down.

"They haven't chosen anyone as far as I know." He responded, watching how your shoulders seemed to slump in relief. Ouch that hurt. "I didn't know you'd be the civilian." He said quietly, watching how you'd respond. You scowled at him. God you were so pretty when you were angry. It was nice to be able to put a face behind all those exchanges you two had.

"Hawks I swear to fucking god-" you began but you were immediately cut off from continuing with two pro-heros walking in. Along with the head of the board.

"Y/n! Its good to see you again!" He said, smirking at you. Your scowl was momentarily forgotten but Hawks could see the contempt in your eyes.

"S'not very good for me to be seeing you." You said, not even flinching at the scathing looks you were given by the other heros that walked in the room. You were definitely pissed then. Hawks let out a low whistle.

"Why would she be happy seeing us? We're here to discuss a protection detail for a civilian. A civilian who's been through this before." Hawks said calmly. He could bluff his way for more information on you during this. You had a blank look on your face before you turned to look at him, but now that you were you looked the way you felt at that moment.

"Shut the fuck up Hawks." You snarled out.

"We are here to talk about your protection detail. But if you cannot conduct yourself in an appropriate manner you will be escorted from the room while we make our decision." A voice rang out, the two other heros you didn't know were shocked, you were still obviously pissed and it was not going to be acknowledged by the hero committee, like always they would dismiss whatever you would request. It was why they didn't know you were a hero. Then it hit you. Hawks knew you were a hero. Hawks followed orders from the hero committee. Hawks could tell them. Your face paled a bit, startling the others. The head of the committee smirked thinking he intimidated you, the two other heros looked mildly uncomfortable and Hawks had his little revelation that you thought that he told them about what you do. "Since you've acted like a child time and time again, why don't you leave the room and let us handle this." The head said, breaking you out of your trance.

"Call Sir Nighteye." You said, you refused to move from where you were sitting. "I'm not joking. You're going to call Nighteye and fucking talk to him. I'm not going to be treated like a child who just discovered they have a 'scary' quirk."

The committee decided to call Nighteye and when he walked in your shoulders slumped in relief. He quickly pulled you aside and had a heated discussion before he even spoke to the head of the committee, there wasn't a sign of any conflict between you two either. Although only Hawks would know about any indication of that between you two. You walked out and Nighteye finally spoke to the head. Hawks was going to be the one to watch you, and Nighteye made sure there could be no argument against it. He was the number 2 pro-hero, he could handle it and he was the fastest one they had. He was going to be protecting you. All Hawks could think was that he didn't expect to be able to find out what happened to you like this.

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Tag list: @onyxiana-is-obsessed, @neon-tries-writing, @shiggi-trash, @jqnposts, @notmykirk, @crackhead1-800, @sinclairsamess, @takmikig, @ewok-things

#bnha #hawks x reader #reader may be a little traumatized but itll be all good bcs our fav bird is there to help

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noisyquokka · 4 years

Text

Dumb Traditions

pairing: Xiaojun x Reader

genre: Fluff

length: 2.4k

warnings: Mentions of alcohol and this gif could kill you like LOOK AT HIM BEING ALL SOFT இ௰இ

@lluyangyang requested 29: "Christmas is so close, I can almost smell the mistletoe I’m never going to get kissed under.“

This is so unbelievably late cause I had some personal stuff happen but I also had no idea where I wanted to go with this so I’m sorry, Em! You might’ve forgotten about this too oops 😂 either way, I hope you like it, child 👀🤙🏻

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You were not a party animal.

It was the truest statement about you, parties weren’t your thing and that was okay. But somehow, over the course of the week, your best friend had talked you into going to his holiday party. He knew you weren’t one for parties. You couldn’t stand the crowds and the number of people who would sit around making out, making bad decisions thanks to the alcohol that clouded their mind. To be frank, you didn’t care what those people would decide to do. It just wasn’t the highlight of your night. But here you were, wrapping your coat around yourself as you walked to his dorm. The thought had occurred to you that you could stop this pursuit at any time. You could stop walking, turn around and go home and you shouldn’t have to feel bad about that. But you we’re almost there and it wasn’t exactly warm outside. So you kept on your way, thinking about how you managed to get yourself into this situation.

~~~

"I’m going home for Christmas break.”

YangYang picked his head up in surprise, slowing his pace as you both strolled down the sidewalk. He had finished class for the day and was going shopping for his upcoming Christmas party, which you decided to tag along on. And tagging along just meant he pulled you away from your friends on his way out of the university. It had to be a surprise to hear of you going home though. After all, you had spent every Christmas with him and Xiaojun since you started college. You never had much desire to go home.

“So… What made you change your mind?” YangYang finally asked, dragging his feet against the salt-covered sidewalk. You shrugged, carding your fingers through your hair.

“It’s just– I don’t know. Xiaojun and I do the same thing every Christmas, you included when you’re not out partying. I feel like we could use a change.” It was true, you spent every Christmas the exact same way. Xiaojun would order takeout and you’d set up the tv to watch the same old Christmas movies, dozing off sometime before midnight. Every. Single. Year. You spent a lot more time with him because YangYang was always out with friends, normally spending the night elsewhere.

“Okay, now what’s the real reason you’re thinking about going home?” He cocked his head your way with a sly grin.

“What do you mean ‘real reason’? I just told you I-”

“No, no, no. It’s easy enough to change things up. Plus, you hesitated when you answered my question.”

“I did not.”

“You did.”

You exhaled through your nose, throwing your head back in defeat. As per usual, YangYang ate it up.

“Hey, if you don’t wanna answer, it’s fine. I was just wondering.” You emitted a mirthless laugh, shoving your hands in the warmth of your jacket pockets. It was just like YangYang to badger you and tease you about something and then act as if he didn’t want to pry. You pondered whether or not to say what was really on your mind before blurting it out.

“Christmas is so close, I can almost smell the mistletoe I’m never going to get kissed under.”

It took everything in YangYang not to burst into laughter but he failed miserably, leaving you to regret opening your mouth. Now that you’d said something, you felt dumb. Who cares about being single on Christmas? Or any other day? Nevermind that you’re a college student who should be focused on your future. You finally found the courage to smack the boy in the shoulder, a non-verbal warning.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” YangYang cackled, trying his best to control his breathing, “You’ve just never sounded so hopelessly single!”

“Gee, thanks. But don’t you ever have those days where you just crave a healthy relationship with someone? Being able to go out and have no worries because you’re with the one person who makes your day so much better?” You frowned at the chunk of ice sitting in the middle of the sidewalk, taking your frustration out on it with a kick. The brunette gave a half shrug, sweeping his hair from his line of vision. Sometimes you wished you could read this boy’s mind. YangYang was hard to read from the day you started hanging out with him, which was an odd day in and of itself, considering how much partying he did. Everyone expected the quiet one to be friends with anyone that wasn’t Liu YangYang and yet here you were, 5 years later. You wondered if anyone realized just how shy he could be until you got to know him.

“Is this about you catching feelings for Xiaojun?”

“No! Can’t I just be sick of being single?” You sputtered, running a hand through your hair. He bit his lip, a shitty attempt at hiding his smirk that only made you frown deeper.

“If you’re so sick of being single, you gotta put yourself out there, you know? Maybe meet some new people… at a holiday party, for example…”

“You just dodged my question with another question to shamelessly plug your holiday party that you know I’m not going to.” He chuckled, elbowing you in the side.

“I didn’t say my party! It’s been a while since you came to one of mine though.”

“Not this again.” You pinched the bridge of your nose. This was the twelfth time in the past two days that YangYang mentioned his holiday party. The second most popular to his New Year’s parties. You stopped at the crosswalk, pressing the button for the light to change.

“I’m just saying, the last time you came to one of my holiday parties was the last year of high school. Things aren’t as crazy as they used to be.”

“I have a pretty good idea of what your parties are like thanks to Xiaojun’s monthly recaps. Almost everyone attends, your dorm gets crowded… It’s amazing you haven’t had cops show up at your door yet.” You muttered. He gave a dismissive wave of his hand, knowing how Xiaojun described his parties.

“Fine, I could start the party earlier. By the time the evening comes, it won’t be as packed and you can come hang out and enjoy yourself a bit more. And Xiaojun will be there!” He wiggled his eyebrows in a playful manner.

“YangYang-”

“I’ll even buy your favorite drinks! Deal?” He didn’t give you another second to intervene, answering with a high pitched “Wow, YangYang, you’re such a cool and supportive best friend. It’s a deal!”

Your expression dulled, feeling his arm wrap around your shoulder as you walked across the street.

~~~

Thinking about it you never really gave him a yes or no answer at the end of the day. It didn’t matter now that you were standing right outside of the dorms. If you wanted to, you could still text Xiaojun and spend the night eating takeout and watching Christmas movies like normal. But knowing he was in there meant a call or text would most likely go ignored. Not because he was ignoring you, but because of the loud music and being a co-host for his roommate. With a deep breath, you walked up to the door and knocked. And there it was; that dreaded minute of waiting for the door to open. You weren’t able to feel this anxiety before, you would always be here before the party started when you used to attend. The longer it took for no one to answer the more you thought about walking away. Maybe it was better to walk away.

And then the door opened. You tensed as Xiaojun suddenly appeared, eyes lighting up at your presence.

“I was hoping you’d come,” He beamed, stepping outside beside you, “I ordered some lattes from the cafe. I need to go pick them up though.” He checked the time on his phone before slipping it in his back pocket.

“I’ll join you. If that’s okay of course.”

He nodded, descending the staircase to the dorms. You noticed his light humming of Christmas songs as you strolled down the sidewalk, sneakers scraping the snowy pavement. It was a lovely sound; Xiaojun’s soothing voice slowly emerging from those low hums. Maybe you weren’t big on Christmas but hearing him sing his own renditions made you feel some type of way. You definitely preferred him singing “Santa Tell Me” over the original as you walked into the village.

“Wow, I think you’re making me biased against Christmas songs!” You spoke up. Xiaojun scoffed but still sent you a smile.

“Is this the part where you ask me to make you a mixtape of me singing Christmas songs?”

“I would, but we spend so much time together. You’re like my own personal mp3."

"Mp3…” He scoffed again, shooting you a grin as he pulled the door to the cafe open. You chuckled and walked in, immediately being enveloped by the smell of coffee and fresh pastries. You walked up to the counter together, waiting on the order to be finished. The holiday vibes always seemed to be strongest in a coffee shop, you noticed. The smells always transitioned around November, stronger and sweeter than any other time of the year. A mixture of fresh coffee beans, cinnamon, and nutmeg blanketed the small business now, easing your mind from the anxiety that clouded it earlier.

“Here you are.” The barista smiled, sliding three drink trays and a bag across the counter. Xiaojun was quick to pay for the order, handing you the bag and one of the trays to carry.

“Is no one in the alcohol mood tonight?” You questioned, gesturing to the number of drinks he’d ordered. Xiaojun shrugged, holding the door for you once more.

“Nah, YangYang wasted money on the extra alcohol and everyone stayed pretty sober,” He replied, shaking his head in disbelief, “But there’s always New Years. Can’t expect college students to stay docile on New Years!” You nodded in agreement. Only YangYang has the craziest New Years parties around campus. It’s one of the top reasons it’s so popular.

“So did YangYang trick you into saying yes to this party or did you come by free will?” Xiaojun asked, sparing you a glance. You laughed at his choice of words.

“Hmm, let me think,” You drew your free hand near your face, tapping your finger on your chin in thought, “He might’ve cajoled me into coming.”

“Was it the favored drinks?”

“What can I say, he knows me too well!” You joked, catching a glimpse of a lopsided grin on your best friend’s face. And maybe you stared way too long, getting lucky enough that Xiaojun’s focus was on the pavement below.

"Well, whether or not you genuinely wanted to come, I'm glad you decided to. These parties have always been a little bit better with you there." He confessed, looking up at you with a genuine smile. You didn't want to read too much into what those words meant so you just allowed yourself to internally freak out, your stomach doing flips the rest of the way back to the dorms.

~~~

"I was just about to call you, I thought you were bailing on me." YangYang pulled you towards the kitchen, grabbing the drinks from your hand to replace it with an alcoholic beverage.

"Dude, chill! You know how y/n feels about parties." Xiaojun reminded, handing out the large order from the cafe. It was safe to say YangYang was a tad drunk from the way he clung to your arm, like a toddler looking for attention. The dorm was pretty empty at this point. A complete 180 to the normal parties you'd been to in the past. The few people who still stuck around were either mingling or just waiting for their drink from Xiaojun so they could take their leave. You did your best to slip out of YangYang's death grip but he stuck to your side, whining every time you tried prying his arms away.

“You should go to bed, party animal.” You teased, making your way towards the empty couch. He still clung to you for dear life, resting his head on your shoulder once you sat down. It didn’t take much longer for the straggling guests to leave, Xiaojun playing co-host for a very unconscious YangYang who you could finally push off of you. With the push of a button, the Christmas music cut out and the blond-haired boy sighed in relief.

“You hear that? Serenity...” Xiaojun breathed, leaning against the kitchen island. You chuckled, quietly getting up to join him. He slid your drink across the counter, luckily not spilling it.

“Thanks.” You sighed. “I don’t know how you manage to help host these parties so often. I wasn’t even here for most of it and I feel exhausted.”

“I guess I have a knack for co-hosting. It’s not one of my weekly desires though.” He replied, taking a sip of his latte. You mirrored his actions, letting the liquid warm your tummy.

“I’m pretty sure if I were in your shoes, I’d be YangYang right now.” You said, looking over your shoulder. He was still sprawled out on the couch, one arm hanging off the side of it.

Xiaojun smirked at your comment, taking another slug of his latte.

“Huh...”

You turned back to him, noticing where his focus was; the ceiling. You looked up yourself, mentally cursing. The sprig of mistletoe hung above the two of you, a looming reminder to the comment you made to YangYang a few days ago. Either he forgot about that conversation or he planned for this to happen and right now you had a pretty good idea that it was the latter of the two. Does that mean Xiaojun knows? Your neck suddenly felt hot, the butterflies in your stomach fluttering about for the second time tonight. You cleared your throat, leaning against the counter.

“Hey, it’s just a dumb tradition thing, right?” You chuckled awkwardly, looking anywhere but at your best friend, “What’s the worst thing that would happen if we didn’t... you know...”

Xiaojun watched you with amusement from his spot in the middle of the doorway. You were adorable, and not helping your case with your nervous blabbering. Without a word, he leaned in, pausing a moment before pressing his lips to yours in a gentle kiss.

“This dumb tradition just gave me the guts to do the one thing I’ve been wanting to do for years.”

#wayv fluff #xiaojun imagines #xiaojun blurbs #xiaojun drabbles #xiaojun scenarios #xiaojun fluff #wayv drabbles #wayv imagines #wayv blurbs #wayv scenarios

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proshiphomosuck · 3 years

Text

(Not publishing the ask, as requested. Hoping that I’ve answered this as anonymously as possible for you.)

Yo, H.

I’m a touch surprised that I’m that identifiable, haha. But I guess everything’s much more obvious to a friend.

Yeah, absolutely would be interested, dude. Fair warning—I am pretty inactive lately (and incredibly spotty regarding my online presence in general), particularly in DMs, since I get stupid busy a lot and it’s just one of those months where IRL is catching up with me, but I’d love to either way.

(Incidentally, being busy’s also why I haven’t had the time to answer any art asks for a bit, but for anyone else reading this: your asks haven’t been forgotten, and you’re always free to send in more.)

You’ll have to message me for my disc tag if you haven’t got a current one for one of my accounts. If you were just guessing at who I am and would like a little more confirmation, hopefully this helps: you sent me "Sweet Talk", a couple of Simon Curtis songs, and "Do It All The Time" by iDKHOW, along with some other stuff.

Cheers.

#mine #ask to tag #anon #ask

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solohux · 5 years

Photo

Hi! It’s been a while since I made a big fic rec post, and with the influx of new canon content with the Kylo Ren & Hux comic and The Rise Of Skywalker on its way, what better time to whack out some recs!

Happy Reading! ❤️

Also, I apologise in advance if your fic is on here but I haven’t linked your tumblr. I searched for what I could but if your blog isn’t linked in your fic or on your AO3 account page, then I’ve just put your AO3 penname!

The usual disclaimer too. This is just my opinion and by no means an exclusive list. It’s just for fun!

Good Blogs To Find Fics

◾ @kyluxficrecs

◾ @kyluxcantina

◾ @kyluxhardkinks

◾ @softkyluxkinks

Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics

The blogs below write a considerable amount of ABO fics and I highly reccommend checking them out for all of their fics!

◾ @thethespacecoyote | AO3 - TheSpaceCoyote |

◾ @redcole | AO3 - Redleafmornings |

◾ @thez1337 | AO3 - TheZ1337 |

◾ @sinceyouaskedmeforataleof | AO3 - SinceYouAskedMeForATaleOf

◾ sickbed_00 | AO3 - sickbed_00 |

ABO Fic Rec

◾ Falling Stars by @huxative | WIP | 31k

Armitage Hux is the omega son and ever present shame of Lord Brendol, overseer of the Arkanis region. That was, until King Snoke arranged a marriage between his adopted son and Armitage.

◾ Hadopelagic by DustOnBothSides | WIP | 25k After a life of staying pharmaceutically heat-free, Hux has to allow his body to go through at least one natural cycle, lest there be consequences. He takes a shore leave and travels to a former omegan retreat, abandoned and all but forgotten after the fall of Old Republic. Ren, not knowing of Hux's predicament, decides to follow, suspecting treason. He finds something else instead.

◾ Bodies, Can't You See? by sual | 23k | When Hux sees the positive result on the pregnancy test scanner, he comes to several alarming realizations all at once. One: that his birth control has been tampered with. Two: that the baby is Kylo's. Three: that this is his true punishment for Starkiller's failure. And quietly, in a weak, tiny voice in the back of his mind, the unsettling conclusion that he wants to keep it. He'll die before he lets anyone near his child. He'll tear apart anyone that tries to get in his way. Even Kylo.

◾ The Emperor's New Consort by @redcole | 39k | The First Order is in control of the Galaxy, in a last ditch effort to save those who are left, they request negotiations. Only to find that for the Resistance to survive they only need to give up one thing small thing - the angry Senator Ben Organa.

◾ Babe, I'm Here Again by @sinceyouaskedmeforataleof | WIP | 117k | It's 2008 and graduate student Armitage Hux has no idea why hes still hanging out with that nerd of a second year Ben Solo. Surely he had better things to do that sit around planning Dungeons & Dragons adventures with this not-at-all-attractive Alpha who he definitely doesn't think about constantly.

◾ Shades Undimmed by @longstoryshortikilledhim | 21k | Hux is a bounty hunter who teams up with renegade Jedi Kylo Ren for a hunt. They’re determined not to let their biological needs intervene with the integrity of their mission. They fail.

◾ Fields of Gold by @ mssdare | 25k | Ren and Hux crash on a planet full of strange flowers. Soon, Hux starts feeling the effects of the pollen.

◾ Unexpected by @gonna-pop | WIP | 61k | After twenty years together, Ben and Armitage have gotten comfortable. There are no surprises left in their marriage, and nothing new to learn about each other. That is, until Armitage unexpectedly goes into heat while they’re vacationing on a resort world — and a few days of renewed passion changes the course of their lives.

◾ no hope, no quarter by @thethespacecoyote | 6k | Stolen away to a temple on Moraband, Kylo Ren finds himself at the mercy of an obsessive, sinister captor. Only one person can hope to save him, and would even dare put their life on the line against such insurmountable odds—Armitage Hux, his general and lifelong mate.

◾ To Build A Home by @reluctantly-awesome | 3.7k | Ren is truly a hopeless alpha and Hux helps him reluctantly and not because he wants a home himself, not at all.

◾ In Your Debt by @pangolinpirate | 8.5k | Things work a little different in the Order then they do in the Resistance

◾ need you baby (more, more, more) by @thesunandoceanblue | 6.5k | "Ren?" "Yes?" Hux traced his finger down Ren's jawline. "You'd do anything for me, right?"

◾ Alpha You Are Knot by @darktenshi17 | 1k | Alpha Kylo Ren has finally found his perfect mate, now they can begin a family together. There's only one problem; that's not how human reproduction works at all.

◾ Amnesia by @bubbaknowlton | 10k | Hux wakes up on an unknown ship, seven months pregnant with a baby crying in a crib. The last thing he remembers is leaving Kylo Ren at Snoke's citadel. Not knowing what alpha has bred him, nor the fate of the First Order, he takes the baby, some supplies, and runs.

◾ Checkmate by @thez1337 | 3k | Alpha Kylo Ren strikes down Omega General Hux's alpha. Then he takes his place. With omega Hux's pup in tow, will Kylo keep them or make new rules for the den?

◾ Stress Relief by orphan_account | 1k | Kylo helps his omega settle after a nightmare.

◾ I'll Even Call You General by @asexualavenger | 1k | Without a mate, Kylo turns destructive during his heat. Snoke tasks Hux with finding him a partner.

◾ Not a Mistake by @redcole | 12k | Hux was just looking for a good time when he met the strange man named Ben, but he ended up finding a lot more.

◾ It Feels Right by @deluxekyluxtrashcan After the destruction of Starkiller Base Kylo finds out that Hux is an omega, and tries to help him by finding suppressants to replace the ones Hux lost. It turns out that there are three others omegas on board the Finalizer, and, much to a somewhat jealous Hux's displeasure, Kylo ends up getting better acquainted with one of them - Petty Officer Thanisson - just a day before Hux goes into heat.

◾ If You Can't Be with the One You Hate by @tethysian | 12.5k | At Snoke's request Hux has always helped Kylo through his heats, albeit reluctantly. Then Kylo happens to go into heat while a prisoner aboard a resistance ship. Poe is the lucky(?) alpha chosen to take care of him, and Kylo discovers he might prefer an enthusiastic partner. Hux discovers something else about himself.

◾ time whets the fang by @thethespacecoyote | 2k | As an alpha, Supreme Leader Snoke believes he has free reign to do whatever he wishes with the omegas beneath him, including his apprentice and top general. He may wind up regretting his arrogance.

Angst & Sickfics

◾ A cup of tea for the general by Koprix & SeiG | 165k | Hux is sick. It all starts with Kylo Ren coming to bother him and ending up trying to make a cup of tea for the general. And it goes straight to hell from there.

◾ Regretful Message by Sweets_Thief | 67k | Hiding from the Resistance should be easy when they already believe they've killed you. But when you're General Armitage Hux and you can't seem to recall becoming Emperor to the entire Galaxy, it becomes a little more difficult.

◾ Ethereal Balance by NylonRabbit| 4k | Hux becomes pregnant, and falls into a mysteriously ethereal Force induced state as a result. Kylo misses him. A lot.

◾ monsters, cut off from all the world by inquisitor_tohru | 8k | A successful betrayal of the supreme leader with force-suppression tech leaves Kylo Ren at Hux's mercy. He expects to be disposed of in some way or another, but instead Hux gives him an ultimatum: Ren has one year to prove he's the best possible leader or escape his bonds and 'tag' Hux back. If he fails to meet either goal he will abdicate to Hux. If he meets one or both goals Hux will submit to any punishment or command. As it turns out, Ren is more sane, logical and functions generally better, without the Force.

◾ It's Gonna Be Alright by rmartin | 3k | After Kylo Ren becomes the Supreme Leader, the tension between him and General Hux arises. Everything changes when Hux falls sick and old feelings come to the surface when Ren takes care of him. Hux's sickness brings them closer and begins something that could change not only the future of the galaxy but their own future too.

◾ No One Wants to Die Alone by @mirlolo & @kyluxtrashpit | 30k | Frustrated with Hux’s continued, untraceable assassination attempts, despite trying everything to make his new Grand Marshal happy and make amends, Kylo drags Hux and only Hux on an unnecessary mission to some awful, swampy backwater planet as revenge. When they return, though, the symptoms of an unknown, serious disease land them both in the same quarantine room in the medbay, as well as spreads to some of the crew. They quickly learn that it’s hard to go through a near death experience with someone without getting closer to them in the process.

◾ We Have So Much To Talk About by BlackKyber | 2.5k | General Hux’s relationship with Kylo Ren is a complicated one. Their busy lives and differing personalities often clash with each other, making it difficult for the two of them to find peace with one another.When one of them falls ill, however, life finally slows down enough for the other to be able to fully evaluate where they are in life ... and where they might be heading.

◾ For Your Own Good by @threewinterssnow | 2k | Kylo has the flu and he's acting like it's the end of the world. Hux does not get paid enough to deal with this.

◾ get well, general by carefulren | 1.3k | Multiple days without sleep has Hux struggling with a nasty fever, and Kylo doesn't care... Not one bit..

◾ Through Sickness and Secrets [Iatrogenic] by NatashaRS | 7.8k | Kylo Ren hates Hux. He hates him a lot. Which is why it's rather unusual that when, upon finding a sick general, he does not kill him. Cue sweet moments, bickering, and a not-so-human Hux.

◾ As long as stars are above you by @ellstra | 2.1k | Hux gets injured because he just has to put his important regal person in danger and Kylo is not amused. He's admitted he cares for Hux, why is that not enough for Hux to stop making idiotic decisions?

◾ Fear of Falling Asleep by bastilas| 10k | Upon returning to the Finalizer from a diplomatic mission, Kylo and Hux are fired upon by their own subordinates, sent careening to the surface of the forest-blanketed planet Corstris. The troopers are dead, the shuttle is barely equipped with survival gear, the weather is cold and miserable, and to make it worse: Hux is injured. It isn't an easy journey off of the planet.

◾ Didn't I Blow Your Mind This Time? by Anonymous | 15k | MCD | Armitage Hux (34, lonely, in denial) waits impatiently for the end of Ren's mission as he goes about his routines on the Finalizer, taking no pleasure from his job.Four more days. It's always four more days, and they have lasted a very long time.

◾ With Dignity by @kyluxtrashpit | 4.4k | When Hux is captured by the Resistance, he vows to do whatever is necessary to avoid giving away the Order's secrets. Left with no other options, he stops eating and drinking, intending to end himself as a precaution. The Resistance, however, knows how much Hux knows and have no intention of losing him to anything, including himself.

◾ Flicker in the Void by @mothdust | 30k | Hux watched in silence as the light swept over his body. The power stunned him, as did the bright jet of flame as it licked its color into his eyes. This was not the calm brightness of last night in the presence of Kylo Ren. This was a different sort of light altogether, massive and deadly. It overwhelmed him. For a moment Hux felt an aching regret deep within himself, the sob of someone he used to be, bubbling up from the cold.

◾ A Reckless Act of Domination and Intimacy by the_heauxly_trinity | 110k | After the death of Snoke and the Battle of Crait, long-time rivals Supreme Leader Kylo Ren and General Armitage Hux must cooperate or everything they value will self-destruct. Hux knows he is the First Order's last line of defense against a raging, uncontrolled monster, and he knows how little he can do to influence him... until Ren's pragmatic attempt to "learn more about him" presents Hux with what he believes is his only chance, unethical though it may be, to save his cause.The story of a boy named Kylo, and a boy named Armitage, and how with their love they saved each other from every bad thing that had ever happened to either of them.Believe it or not, this gets pretty dark.

◾ Confined Spaces by @milliethecat | 31k | Kylo Ren and General Hux are captured and sold by a bounty hunter, and forced to share a cell, all while Kylo has his powers suppressed, making him see life in a different light. While Hux formulates actual plans to escape, Kylo realises that he and Hux have more in common than he thought, and a compatibility that could be both useful and devastating. Meanwhile, their captor takes a disturbing liking to Hux, and in the face of his threats, Hux comes to Kylo with a request that would indebt him to Kylo forever, if only the alternative wasn't so much worse.

◾ Meet Me Halfway by @callmelyss | 5.5k | “I don’t do that,” Hux responds in an undertone before he realizes. He flushes—hard—and scowls. “If that will be all, Supreme Leader…” He turns on his heel without waiting to be dismissed and starts to stalk back the way he came, grateful, as ever, for the wide sweep of his greatcoat, the padded shoulders making him feel less—small. He’s halfway out of the room (and what a waste of space) when what he said must catch up with Ren: “You mean you…never?”He freezes, every muscle in his body tensing. Won’t say it out loud. No, he emphasizes, clear as he can. Knowing Ren will hear, knowing he will see it regardless, terrible nosy busybody that he is. I haven’t.

◾ Scarlet Lines by @rattlesnake777 | 21k | A strange disease breaks out aboard the Finalizer and rumour has it that it befalls only virgins.

◾ To Be Truly Seen by TheKnitterati | 4k | Kylo wears a helmet because he's extremely anxious about his appearance and thinks he's hideous. Hux finally figures this out and soothes him through a panic attack.

◾ Before I Wake by @anorlost-the-sleepy-sun | 60k | During a mission gone wrong Kylo Ren and General Hux are captured by bounty hunters and sold to a vengeful Hutt. Forging an uneasy alliance with his General, Kylo figures it's best he works with Hux if he wants to escape... and to keep Hux from killing him should the opportunity present itself.

◾ Hux's Secret Garden by @magicandmalice | 10k | Deep in the bowels of the Finalizer, Hux has a secret arboretum. He goes here to relax, to forget his problems for awhile, and to tend to and cultivate the fresh fruits, vegetables, and various other plants he grows there. It's his private place and no one is allowed within his sanctuary. Especially not Kylo Ren.

◾ The Escape of the Fox by @theweddingofthefoxes | 4.7k | After the First Order is defeated and Rey becomes Leia's heir, Kylo Ren and General Hux are both fugitives, and they haven't seen one another in years. Ren settles into a hermetic existence selling kyber, but when he learns Hux is still alive, he goes to find him under the pretense of staging a coup. But there's another reason he wants to see Hux again....

◾ Warp & Weft by @shinysylver | 6.7k | In the wake of Snoke's death, the Force bond connecting Kylo and Rey begins to collapse. Kylo's rapidly deteriorating health doesn't escape Hux's notice.

◾ our love is a ghost (that the others can't see) by @aptanstjarna | 14k | Ren likes flowers. Hux finds out.

◾ Staring Down With Empty Eyes by Asrael_Valtiri | 15.3k | Tonight, Hux’s lips roamed over Ren’s body, his hands following. He was a surveyor mapping out a strange, beautiful land no one else had ever seen before.No one else had. Only Hux.

◾ Do I Suffocate or Let Go by darthkylorevan | 3.2k | While Starkiller burns, Hux searches for Kylo. But when some machinery explodes Hux can't avoid injury. He doesn't move in time to avoid the burn to his face. When they are back on ship (Finalizer or Supremacy) he sees the burn blistering and peeling one side of his face. The old Imperial officers mock him behind his back. He has no time to get it looked after, let alone hide it. Eventually Kylo finds him and reassures him that there's nothing to be ashamed of.

Fantasy (Mermaid, Werewolf, Witch, Vampire AUs)

◾ A Song of Crows by @ficlet-machine | 202k | Warchief Hux has just buried his trusted Crow, and, if the Gods still favour him, a new one will find their way to his lands. Hux may be young, but he is a good leader for his people. He is ready for the commitment, the responsibility, the changes that come with a new child of the Gods at his command. The clan needs it, needs it spiritual leader if they are ever to claim ownership of all the lands from here to the Core Kingdoms. Raised a warrior, he is more than ready to paint the world red in honor of his gods. He may, however, not be entirely ready for what he will feel the first time he meets the haunted and tormented eyes of the young Crow called Kylo Ren

◾ The Season is Calling by @nerdherderette | 10k | When Armitage Hux woke up this morning, he never imagined that his eighteenth birthday would be spent like this: running through the woods with his clothes torn, slick between his legs, gun long-forgotten.

◾ Behold Tomorrow by Camellia Cook | 7.4k | Armitage is having a terrible day. He's lost his horse, lost his shield, and gotten stranded in the middle of a battle. To make matters worse, he's fighting the fearsome black knight Kylo Ren and barely managing to avoid getting killed. Then, Ren scents his biggest secret--he's an omega. He's a warrior omega, and Ren decides right then that he has to have him.Despite his better judgement, Armitage wants that too... He feels like there's something pulling them together, some connection that he doesn't fully understand. But destiny and biology be damned... He's Crown Prince Armitage Hux, heir to the throne of the Kingdom of Order, and he's not giving in without a fight.

◾ Midnight Dip by @sparrowlicious | 5.3k | A two week vacation on a tropical island sounded like a dream for most people but to Armitage it got boring after the first week. So instead of doing fun things that could lead to a sunburn he looked for potential men he could fuck. And then he meets Kylo. But Kylo turns out to be more than meets the eye...

◾ Surrender by @groffiction | WIP | 21k | AU where Hux is a Merman and finds a human Kylo drifting out in his lake. After saving his arse, Kylo repays Hux by kissing him and the whole world goes up in a kriffing shitload from there.

◾ Moonlight Bay by @thesevioletdel1ghts | 5.5k | A long, long time ago, on a beautiful seashore far far away.

◾ Wet Seal by @emperor-huxxx | 2.3k | On a lazy afternoon caught between spring and summer, mer Hux reviews his anatomy studies.

◾ Turquoise Scales by @fandomlander | 7.7k | As the lights come on, he can see Hux on the bed. He can’t help his sharp intake of breath as he takes in the scene; Hux lies down on his back, eyes closed shut and a grimace of pain on his face. He looks pale and there are drops of sweat beading on his skin. He’s naked. Kylo is by the bed in two long strides. He swallows. “Kriff…”Hux’s eyes jolt open and he throws that defiant glance at Kylo. Reaches for the covers of the bed to shield his feet and legs. But it’s no use because Kylo already saw. He saw the turquoise scales on Hux, covering a large part of his ankles and his lower legs.

◾ Vampire Hux and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Werewolf by @nerdherderette | 6.2k | As first impressions go, Hux admits the one he made with Kylo was pretty terrible, but he sets about to remedy the situation. He should have seen the signs—the dark circles under Kylo’s eyes, the surly demeanor, compounded by the stress of moving the day right after a full moon. (Which, like, what even? That’s Creatures 101 levels of shit not to do. Hux has no illusions about the intelligence of his new neighbor, but then again, his ass isn’t screaming for a good braining). He shakes his head. A fucking werewolf. Here, in Arkanis Hills.

◾ Hungry for The Kill by @nonsensicalsoliloquy | 47k | As was clearly his lot, Kylo’s day went from over the moon to piece of utter horseshit in a matter of progressively depressing hours. His ginger hadn’t shown up to the library – an anomaly in itself – on the very day Kylo had finally worked up the nerve to talk to him; his subsequent wild run in the woods had yielded little relief for his dismal mood, and on top of that he’d somehow gotten tricked into a trap of a trap through sheer disbelief of a hunter’s stupidity. And now. Now he was locked in a cage in some shady room, stuck in his wolf form, wounded and cramped and not at all pleased. But worse still, it appeared as though Kylo was not the only restless animal trapped there, anxious of an uncertain fate no doubt waiting for them all.

◾ Under the Moonlight by @threewinterssnow | 2.8k | Kylo has moved into a new neighborhood in hopes of better keeping his condition a secret and he has a very cute new neighbor. But he might also have a few secrets.

◾ You Big Bad Wolf by @insanitysqueen | 12k | Hux meets an interesting person online. They chat, having the same kind of kinks and this 'REN' has a truly artful way of composing dirty messages, but never lets go of that werewolf-persona from when they first began to talk. Though Hux doesn't feel intimidated enough to turn down the invitation to this gorgeous strangers home. Especially during a weekend where the full moon will be shining.

◾ Full Moon by huxaholic | 2.7k | Mpreg | Pregnancy is dangerous for werewolves so Kylo and Hux take what precautions they can to try and make it as safe as possible for Hux. It's difficult though, and tiring for them both, and Hux wishes it was over.

◾ Fang & Bang by @sparrowlicious | 10k | Armitage Hux is an ancient vampire who tries to live his life as a good citizen. Kylo Ren is his werewolf neighbor who caught his eye shortly after he moved in two months ago.One night during a full moon Kylo Ren ends up on Hux's couch uninvited. Hux sees it as an opportunity to get to know him better...

◾ Silver by @bubbaknowlton | 5.3k | Mpreg | Ren is bringing Hux and their daughter to meet his family. Problem is, the Skywalker-Organa-Solo's are monster hunters, and Hux is a vampire. He doesn't get to warn all his family members in time before they see him, and Han 'defends' the property by shooting Hux with a few silver bullets, sending him fleeing into the woods.

◾ Sense of Him by @mademoisellebianx | 42.6k | To escape the violence of war that tore down their hometown, Armitage Hux and his father fled to the quiet and peaceful town of Chandrila where Armitage meets Ben Solo, the mayor’s mysterious and melancholic son. Soon, Armitage began to unravel that the town Chandrila holds a deep, dark secret that the mayor tries to cover up. One fateful night, he was thrust into a supernatural world of men and monsters and his life was completely changed.

◾ The Onyx Mine by @theweddingofthefoxes | 3.7k | "So a monster!kylo au where Hux has to keep Kylo under control when he's in his monster state, and keeps him on a leash or in a cage. But then one day he puts him in it when he's more in control and finds that it's arousing for both of them to treat Kylo almost like his pet."

◾ On the upper glass shelf by @courgette96 | 22.5k | There once was a lead soldier with a crack on his face, who lived under the bed where forgotten toys go. There once was a doll on the upper glass shelf, where fragile things are kept out of reach. There were many things between them: a whole room, a whole shelf, a Shadow that slithered under the bed. And something bigger still, that would allow them to overcome all of it.

◾ Captive by @embershx | 2.9k | When Hux followed Kylo Ren home he should have expected he would end up like this - In the vampire's basement bound, helpless, and unable to resist.

◾ The Witch and His Wendigo by @magicandmalice | 10.6k | Kylo Ren is a powerful Witch of the Forest. When he stumbles across a rare and fascinating Wendigo one evening, he decides then and there he will do anything it takes to make him his. Now he just has to convince the creature, one that lives only to sate it's hunger, of his intentions and not end up it's next meal.

Fluff

◾ here comes the first day by @ingu | 8k | The moment Hux threw himself in front of the blaster shot meant for Kylo Ren was the moment he realised that he had well and truly gone out of his mind. (Or, the one where Hux tries to save the life of Kylo Ren and accidentally saves himself in the process.)

◾ a most lovely tarnish by @thethespacecoyote | 2.2k | Kylo returns from a mission with a few more grey hairs than he had before. Hux is fascinated, and maybe a little attracted to how well his lover seems to be aging.

◾ Searching for Your Visible Soul by ozsyn | <1k |<br>The Supreme Leader of the First Order returns from his latest round of negotiations on a far-off planet. General Hux eagerly awaits his return but was under the false impression that he would be returning alone.

◾ Haunted Dreams by @threewinterssnow | 3k | It's not the first time Kylo has been unable to sleep. The solution, he thinks, is with Hux. But he doesn't think Hux has any interest in helping him.

◾ just a little hush, babe by @begforyourmercy | 2.3k | Kylo can't fall sleep, and Hux can't sleep without him.

◾ Here by @babbushka | 1.4k | “I’m never letting you go.” Kylo’s beautiful face faded away as the black of complete unconsciousness overtook the both of them, knowing that when they would wake, they would get to spend each waking moment together.

◾ Sharpshooter by Sweets_Thief | 71k | When Snoke sends Hux on a secret mission Kylo learns something new about the General he assumed had no military training except for the studies he did in books. It draws them closer together and Kylo thinks they'd make an unstoppable team. But fate has other plans for them.

◾They Who Hold The Galaxy Upon a String by @mademoisellebianx | 19.8k For so long, it irked Armitage Hux that Kylo Ren had never given him attention. It may be ironic how much he wanted the attention of someone he supposedly hated, but Armitage could not help himself. After proposing a truce between him and the Supreme Leader (a truce that backfired when Kylo asked him to prove his loyalty by becoming the Supreme Leader’s consort), he finally got most, if not all, of Kylo's attention. Too much of it, in fact.

◾ Someone like you by @minzimpression | 19k | Hux is in his last year at the Academy and meets a guy named Ben. Ben certainly makes his last year interesting. It's a shame that he breaks Hux's heart and vanishes into thin air.

◾ You Made Me Love You (I Didn't Want to Do It) by @fandomfix8 | 2.7k | Kylo Ren has a temper. Armitage Hux hates how it makes him feel. And then Kylo gets hurt while on a mission.

◾ In the Darkness by @loserchildhotpants | <1k |</b> One character playing with the other’s hair

Historical & Other Such AU’s

◾ O Bury Me Not by @babbushka | 75k | Armitage Hux has only ever had one dream: ruling the oceans with an iron fist. As Admiral of the British Royal Navy, he thought he was on top of the world, but it only takes a run-in with a handsome and ferocious pirate to show him there's so much more to be conquered, if he's willing to leave his life behind.

◾ Vive l'Empereur by @heresetrash | 6.5k | Emperor Hux is gravely injured in an assassination attempt, and only survives thanks to Ren, the captain of his private knights. When he recovers, the Emperor wants to reward Ren.

◾ The Vainglorious Journey by itspixiesthing & @nerdherderette | 31k | When Armitage Hux, the third Baron of Arkanis, finds himself penniless and near the end of his rope, he throws his name on the shortlist for Commander of the Royal Army. He never dreamt that he would be leaving his meeting with the King and Queen of Alderaan with an even bigger problem: handfasted to the impossibly gorgeous (but equally spoilt) heir-apparent, Prince Ben Solo. A The Taming of the Shrew AU.

◾ The Measure of Man by @courgette96 | 124k | After demonstrating his brilliance in the latest Military campaign, Major Armitage Hux of the Hussars ought to have been rewarded by the respect and admiration of England’s Upper Crust. Instead, he finds that blood and heritage are still the sole currency of value, and that his merit is worth very little in the face of the mediocre House his father has saddled him with.However, when he finds himself implicated in a covert plot to restore England to the past glory of its Imperialistic days, he sees the opportunity to satisfy his ambition and achieve the greatness he deserves. To reach the top of society, it is far easier to bring it down first.It would have been a straightforward plan, were it not for the intervention of one Lord Kylo Ren. All too soon, Hux finds himself swept away by an impossible man, the rise of appetites and affections he has long tried to bury within himself, and the discovery of a power that goes beyond what mere science might explain.

◾ Aberration by skydork (klismaphilia) | 2.3k | Victorian AU with medical kink, inspired by those physicians who offered clitoral massage as a cure for 'hysteria'. Lord Huxley is afflicted with melancholy after the failure of his Star-Killer experiment. The mysterious Doctor Ren provides a treatment programme based on fingertip stimulation of the prostate gland.

Modern AU (Disclaimer: I’m not much of a fan of this trope so I don’t read much of it so there isn’t much in this category, sorry!)

◾ Two Years, Two Months, and Twenty-Eight Days by @kyluxtrashcompactor& @nerdherderette & @pangolinpirate | 90k | It took less than twenty-four hours after they met to know that they were meant for each other. But it will take longer than that to get it right.

◾ what's real or isn't by @brawlite | 57.3k | Hux's new house is not haunted. It isn't.

◾ Reconditioning by @jinxedambitions | 173k | Ben Solo is one of the FBI's most promising young agents. While he's had a few disciplinary hiccups, he's intelligent and not afraid to do what needs to be done. His personal life is a mess, and he may not look like your typical federal agent, but he might be the only man for this job. Ben's looking for a promotion and something like the glory his parents always talked about before he was born.The FBI is looking to take down one of the country's most elusive prostitution rings, specializing in the types of sex that Ben's boss has only read about in the novel his wife hides under the bed. Ben is going undercover as a "slave" in order to gather information on the ring's leaders, purchasing a premium package from the agency. 30 days as a slave to a professional Master, and a guaranteed sexual experience of a lifetime. He gets chosen by Hux, or the General as he insists Ben call him, and he quickly realizes that no training could have prepared him for this experience. Every day, Ben, or Kylo as he is known at the club, finds out more and more about the organization, but the more he learns the less he wants to destroy them.

◾ The Stars Above Us by @dreamykylux & @mi-caw-ber | 7.2k | Right after the battle in Starkiller forest, Kylo Ren is mysteriously ported from his universe to appear on Earth, in Hux's university campus park. Hux, an astronomy professor, is out jogging, when he suddenly spots someone in black robes, lying injured in the snow... Kylo think he recognises him, but Hux can't quite work out where he's seen this man before, and trying to help him turns out to be both more complex, and much more rewarding than he could have imagined...

◾ Love Bites So Deep by @obsessions-and-dreams & @pangolinpirate | 15.4k | Hux is a dedicated zoo director who loves his work but knows something is missing.Kylo is the passionate big cat's keeper who makes Hux's life more difficult at every turn.When the zoo's owner passes away and his will appoints Kylo his successor, life at the zoo becomes a whole lot more challenging. But the two have no choice but to work together, and in doing so discover they actually share a lot in common...

◾ Vivid Dreams by @amsare-saxon-picture-show | 3.2k | Armitage Hux doesn’t like his real life: he’s got a normal job and he hates his colleagues. But in his dreams, he’s known as General Hux, a cold and determined man, feared by his subordinates. Every night he gets to live another kind of life aboard his ship, the Finalizer, until one night he receives a strange message from Kylo Ren. And Kylo Ren doesn’t play by the rules of Hux’s dreams

◾ Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy by @saltandrockets | 4.3k | For Armitage Hux, Valentine’s Day is the worst day of the year. A florist, he creates beautiful flower arrangements to help romance bloom between other people—but his own love life is nonexistent. That changes when a needy customer starts calling the shop.

◾ Soul of Magic by @darktenshi17 & @epselion | 32.4k | Matt/Techie too | Armitage and Techie are twin witches living and running a business together. They're happy with how things are, until two big wrenches come crashing into their lives. Love wasn't in the long-term plan, but neither was having their father come back from the dead to try and such the magic out of their bodes and steal it for himself. Maybe having a pair of big strong men around isn't such a horrible thing.

◾ Wrong Number by @cosleia | 8.4k | Kylo Ren's cell phone number is two digits off from a phone sex line. This turns out to be a good thing.

Parents & Pregnant

◾ Lying Side by Side in Pieces by @ballvvasher | 14.5k | After failing to exterminate the Resistance, the newly appointed Supreme Leader makes it clear he doesn’t care for Hux’s well-being. Hux fears that Ren will demote him, or worse. There must be a way to ensure not only his self-preservation but his status within the Order, to bind Ren to him permanently, to make Ren need him more than he ever needed Snoke. An insane idea is born—to undergo a partial sex reassignment procedure in secret, and trick Ren into unknowingly impregnating him. He’ll play on Ren’s insecurities, use science and seduction to entrap Ren; to bolster control over him, down to his bloodline. And when he’s under his spell, Hux can finally slaughter him and take his place as Supreme Leader. At least, that’s the plan. Hux has only himself to blame when it all starts to crumble around him.

◾ a minor disaster at daybreak by @thethespacecoyote | 1.6k | One morning, Kylo finds his children trying to prepare a surprise for Hux.

◾ Progeny by @geishacomb | 64k | General Hux has not allowed the Supreme Leader back into his bed since the events of TLJ. But when he does, the consequences are far graver than either he or Ren could have ever imagined.

◾ Neogenesis by @claricechiarasorcha | 12k | In the days after Starkiller and Crait, Kylo Ren discovers that Armitage Hux has been keeping a secret. This is not going to go the way either of them might think.

◾ special delivery by @gonna-pop | 3.3k | Hux had not intended to be present for this messy process. Rather, he'd imagined returning after his shift and being handed a clean, swaddled baby. But there was nothing for it now.He rolled up his sleeves.

◾ Sunstroke by @ballvvasher | 33.8k | Supreme Leader Snoke gives Kylo Ren a mission to strengthen the Knights’ of Ren hold on the First Order. Set several years before the events of Episode VII. Story contains mpreg, medical torture, and sexual assault.

◾ Knocked Up by @agent-nemesis | 3.7k | "Are you ready?" Kylo asks Hux stupidly, realising the question is more directed at himself. Hux answers with a cry, and then his panic rises again. Kylo hunches over him, cocooning him protectively. "You can do this," he whispers. "I know you can do this." "I can't," Hux whimpers, shaking his head. "They're too big. I can't." "You're a general of the First Order," Kylo says softly in his ear. "The General. The strongest man I know. You can do this."

◾ Ethereal Balance by NylonRabbit | 4.2k | Hux becomes pregnant, and falls into a mysteriously ethereal Force induced state as a result. Kylo misses him. A lot.

◾ Children of War by @starryartemis | WIP | 76k | After a complicated diplomatic mission went awry, General Hux and Kylo Ren accidentally find themselves tasked with their most difficult mission: becoming parents.Despite their complex relationship, they both agree that raising an offspring will help bring glory to the First Order. Their original vision of a united family quickly falls apart as Hux and Ren cannot see eye to eye in what they want the future to hold.

◾ a welcome interruption by @thethespacecoyote | 1.7k | Emperor Hux is in the middle of important but increasingly trying trade negotiations, when one of his children decides to disrupt the tension.

◾ Egg Bound by @starkillersbae | 2.2k | Kylo Ren and Hux make time in their busy schedule of ruling the galaxy to play their favorite game. But when Hux gets called away on important business the eggs Kylo has been carrying remain inside for too long, leaving Hux to play midwife while Kylo labors.

◾ Helmet by @abboh | 1.4k | All Kylo wanted was his helmet back but where was it? it wasn't on his shelf nor countertop. Wait, Hux has it and what is he doing with their kid?

◾ the Evil Space Dads series by @bubbaknowlton | 300k | 82 works |

◾ Moonbroch by Irma7x | 46.5k | Supreme Leader Snoke request their subordinates to produce an heir and secure the legacy of the First Order--an heir, specifically engineered to bear the traits of the two commanders of the First Order, thus supplying Snoke with the perfect apprentice. Tensions arise as Kylo Ren and General Hux begin to doubt their loyalty to The Order as the possibility of bringing a child to their lives makes them doubt their previous motivations and longings.

◾ A Fortunate Alpha by @paperprinc3 | 1.3k | Alpha Hux doesn’t really know what his husband Kylo sees in him. Even so he’s trying his best to be the best father he can and make his family happy. A revelation from Kylo might mess everything up though.

◾ Something More by @kyluxfichell | 5k | When Kylo Ren falls pregnant with Hux’s child, the two men begin to doubt their allegiance to the First Order. They flee together, desperate to prevent their child from becoming Snoke’s next weapon.

Smut & PWPs

◾ Who's Your Master? by @groffiction | 3.5k | Sub Kylo | Hux murmured softly, “You don’t need punishment tonight, Ren. You need rest.” “But, I want… I want this… need this,” Kylo protested weakly, reaching around to nuzzle at Hux’s boots.

◾ The Best by @kyluxtrashpit | 6.4k | Sub Kylo | Kylo goes to an ancient Sith temple in search of power, to find the secret to being the best and strongest in the galaxy. Instead, he's bestowed with a curse that seems more like a blessing than anything else: he's now the best in the galaxy at blowjobs. However, he quickly finds that it truly is more of a curse than it first seems - or is it?

◾ Driving Westward by @slutstiels | 8k | “You got a name?” The driver’s voice is deep. “Hux.” Hux winces. He had a plan, a fake name all picked out that would be unremarkable, but he’s so nervous it just slipped out before he had a chance. “What about you?” “Call me Kylo.” At least he can remember his dumb fake name.

◾ Fill The Void by @magnetvrs | 2.1k | Where Hux was once hungry for power, for a taste of command, for the respect, for order and bloodshed, now there is only one kind of hunger burning low in his gut. Kylo Ren is his own kind of flavour - distinct and intoxicating.

◾ For Those Who Stop and Stare by @centurytwitch | 3.1k | Dopheld Mitaka thinks he knows General Hux. Using his office as his occasional breakroom allows him to do some lowkey snooping. Beneath the surface, the aspects not revealed by his desk or bookshelf, there is much to be learned.

◾ Do Only As I Say by @the-garbage-chute | 3.1k | Power bottom Hux coaching virgin sub Ren step by step while they fuck. Hux has a belt around Ren's neck choking him and as he feels himself getting close Hux stops riding him almost all together making him beg, prolonging his orgasm.

◾ Subliminal by @kyluxtrashpit | 5.7k | At his wit's end with what to do with Ren as the new Supreme Leader, Hux finally has an idea: conditioning, by the same methods used in the Stormtrooper program, but with very different results. Ren isn't the only one who knows how to manipulate minds, after all.

◾ Too Cool to Care by @vadianna | 9.2k | Kylo Ren slights Hux in the bedroom, accusing him of being boring after Kylo is too tired to keep it up. In retaliation, Hux invites him to an anonymous hotel room in Canto Bight and shows him just how imaginative he can be. Kylo, not entirely sure Hux won't use the opportunity to eliminate his rival, agrees to everything Hux suggests.

◾Black Box by Asrael_Valtiri | 1.9k | Ren’s mouth fell open. He swallowed hard. He lifted the tool—no, toy—out of the box, placed a finger in the handle, and let it dangle, admiring the shine, the weight of the piece. It was very heavy for its size. It was cold but warmed up quickly against his skin.He needed it inside of him. Now.

◾ Be My Outlet by @kyluxtrashpit | 1k | Hux hates Kylo Ren, but he never turns down the opportunity to use Ren's body as an outlet for his frustrations with the man. Ren encourages it and some of their sessions are riskier than others.

◾ the littlest general by @thethespacecoyote | 5.4k | Something unexpected happens to Hux during an assassination attempt. Kylo deals with the aftermath.

◾ Ascension by @thesevioletdel1ghts | 6k | Hux swallows. They both know the answer, it’s fairly evident with him already sitting on Ren’s lap. Of course, Ren wants him to say it out loud, wants Hux to debase himself even further and Hux hates him for it. “I could—“ He clears his throat. “Yes?” “I could... ride you. Supreme Leader.” Ren grins, toothy, infuriating. “If that is what you want.”

◾ Sleep It Off by @centurytwitch | 1.8k | Back pain has always been a problem in Hux's life. Medication never helps. Kylo knows the perfect way to help him through it.

◾ It shouldn't have A Name by @nonsensicalsoliloquy | 6k | Kylo’s jealous angry with his General and resolves to set aside an entire day to personally oversee his ‘punishment.’ The unspoken aftermath was as expected as it was disastrously not.

◾ Un autre amant by srawratskcuf (Doreen) | 5.6k | Undercover for a mission, Hux goes blond and Kylo goes wild.

◾ Pretty in Pink by Huxilicious, rmn_werefoxes | 2.5k | Sometimes Hux likes to dress up in pretty things and get fucked within an inch of his life. Kylo Ren is more than happy to oblige.

◾ The Body Electric by @h-uxed | 4.2k | Leaning close, his breath hot and his eyes devouring, the Knight purrs, “When I’m done with you, General,” He promises, his voice velvet soft, “You will never again question that you are mine.” Kylo takes the General’s virginity.

◾ A Chance at the Throne by cajynn | 2.6k | Hux and Kylo fuck on the throne, and Hux desperately wants the upper hand

◾ Never Enough by @samedifference61 | 3.3k | For the Kylux Hard Kink anon prompt: Hux or Kylo it doesn't matter who, edges the other so hard, they don't let the other come before he's a crying begging mess. They just like to make the other cry knowing that they're the cause of it Ren needs this (to end).

◾ That's the Way it Goes by Anonymous | 1.4k | Kylo decides that Hux's face is only worth sitting on.

◾ at the beginning of the world by carnival_papers | 10k | Insecure about his body and his virginity, Kylo breaks down during his first time with Hux. Reminded of his own first time, Hux takes care of Kylo and helps him through it.

Soulmates

◾ In this life and the next by Ggeri_Sminth | 4.9k | Kylo always remembers his past life; all of them leading him to one person his home. The only issue is that person never remembers their life, leaving Kylo to find him over and over again. Sometimes things don't always go as planned.

◾ dream a little dream of me by @begforyourmercy | 4.8k | Kylo Ren loves his General - but only when he's asleep.

◾ Clearer Now by @ezlebe | 4.9k | “Well,” Hux snaps, turning on his heel when the silence becomes too much to bear.Ren stares back with oddly wide eyes, sopping hair plastered to his face. “Well?” “Where are the jokes?” Hux says, lifting his chin, feeling a tight frown settling across his lips. “My match the Jedi master, hero of the Clone Wars, Bane of Lord Vader, et cetera.” Ren opens his mouth, seemingly ready to fulfill expectation, then closes it with an exhale. He shrugs stiffly, rolling up the jumper hem in his hands and shoving it over his head in one swift movement.

◾ Matches and Flames by @katherine1753 | WIP | 47k | The names on people's wrists weren't just suggestions. They were fate. Destiny. So how could Hux be falling in love with someone who wasn't his Match?

◾ Hope is a waking dream by @minzimpression | 26.5k | After his mother’s funeral Hux sees the world through his soulmate’s eyes for the first time.

Enjoy! ✨

#kylux #fic rec #god i hope all the links work #it took me ages!#but i hope you enjoy it and find something you like on here!!! much love!!

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sunsetspidey · 5 years

Text

a little too much ⎮s.m.

pairing: reader x shawn mendes

summary: the release of the señorita music video was all it took for her insecurities to become too much

warnings: a few bad words, some angst, insecurities, mention of anxiety

a/n: this is based off a request from @skarsgard-bill-sstuff! i hope you like it and that i did your request justice. p.s. i’m sorry for taking ages to write it

disclaimer: i do not have anything against camila or shawmila or whatever. just putting that out there. i just want my smol bean to be happy. ok that’s all.

Y/N wasn’t sure when the insecurities started, but they were there and they were real. So, so real and she couldn’t find the switch to turn them off. When they first forced their way into her head, she pushed them away, telling herself that she had absolutely no reason to feel this way. Shawn could have anyone he wanted (he practically had girls throwing themselves at him everywhere he went) and he had chosen her. He didn’t hold back on his affection and compliments either, only enforcing the fact that her doubts were unnecessary.

Maybe that was why they had started - when his affection grew less and less frequent, and his compliments turned into complaints. When he had called her a bitch because she had asked him if he could clean up his clothes in their bedroom, she told herself that he was stressed about the upcoming tour. He had apologized the same night, wrapping his arm around her waist and whispering sweet nothings into her ear, so she hadn’t thought much about it. It happened again a few weeks later and it didn’t take long before outbursts and namecalling became common in their conversations.

Y/N wasn’t completely innocent, either, and she was fully aware. Instead of trying to reason with him when he started acting like that, she would return his hurtful words and only fuel his anger farther. It was sort of a vicious cycle that either of them seemed to know how to stop. She desperately needed it to, though, because she didn’t know how much more of the arguing she could handle. The more they argued, the more the insecurities and what-ifs were gnawing at the back of her mind. Some days, they were the first thing she thought of in the morning and the last thing she thought of before succumbing to sleep. They plagued her everyday life and she hated it.

The release of the music video for Señorita was all it took to push her over the edge. When Shawn told her about his collaboration with his long-term best friend, you had been nothing but supportive. She even offered an opinion or two on the lyrics when the two of them had been stuck. Shawn had told her all about the concept for the music video during a FaceTime call while on tour in Europe, but neglecting to mention that he and Camila were the ones starring in it. Y/N had joined Shawn’s livestream on Instagram the day he was premiering it on YouTube, joining the fans in teasing him as he couldn’t figure it out. For the first time in a while, she had watched the video simultaneously with his fans and while they were freaking out about how good it was, she had been freaking out about something else entirely.

She was meeting him in Los Angeles two weeks after the release and those two weeks had been horrible. There were reminders everywhere; online, her text messages, the TV. The song was breaking records, which made it worthy of the news and that also meant she would photos and short clips whether she wanted to or not. A few of her friends had texted her, attempting to subtly ask if she was okay with Shawn being all over Camila like that. She wasn’t, but she wouldn’t tell them that, playing it off like it was no big deal. He was hers and she trusted him - at least that was what she tried telling herself.

The worst part was the comments and her Twitter mentions got the worst of it. Fans were mentioning her every minute of every day, asking about her opinions of the video. It seemed Shawn’s fans were divided, which she appreciated. While a majority were talking about how he should break up with her and date Camila instead, the minority was on her side. They would send her supportive messages and tag her in edits of her and Shawn. She saw all of it and the edits reminded her of how long it had been since the two of them had been out in public. The photos used were almost four months old and she couldn’t ignore how it tugged on her heartstrings.

Y/N watched Shawn from the side of the stage as he soundchecked, leaning against the concrete wall, her arms across her chest. She had arrived late the previous night and she was positive she hadn’t been able to hide her disappointment when Brian came to pick her up from the airport. To avoid his concerned stares, she had mumbled an excuse about being exhausted and pretended to fall asleep on the ride back to the hotel. Shawn had been asleep when she let herself into the hotel room, barely acknowledging her as she climbed into bed. It had taken her hours to fall asleep, her heart aching as he listened to his steady breathing. She had felt out of place sleeping next to him suddenly and it pained her massively. When she woke up the next morning, Shawn hadn’t been anywhere in sight, a simple text letting her know that he had gone to the gym.

Needless to say, she hadn’t gotten much sleep. She had barely seen Shawn, the two of them yet to exchange any words, and it seemed that his crew was beginning to notice. Brian had made his mission to keep her occupied, it appeared, barely letting her out of his sight. He had taken her to breakfast in the morning, sharing a Lyft with her to the arena, and declined Connor’s invitation of exploring the city. She had been able to sneak away when Alessia struck up a conversation with him and she had sent the Canadian singer a grateful smile as she exited the green room. Y/N was convinced Alessia knew about the chaos inside her head, but she was too heartbroken to ask about it.

As the familiar tune of Fallin’ All In You filled the empty arena, she swallowed the lump in her throat, furiously blinking away the glossiness in her eyes. She distracted herself with her phone, avoiding Twitter, scrolling through her feed on Instagram instead. Eventually, her boyfriend’s angelic singing fades out and as applause entered her ears, she slipped her phone into the back pocket of her boyfriend jeans. Pushing herself off the wall, she straightened her spine, determined to steal back some of his attention. He stumbled down the stairs, almost knocking her over in the process. A look she wasn’t able to fully interpret crossed his face as he realized who she was.

“Babe!” he exclaimed, his lips stretching into a smile. She didn’t have time to respond before he pulled her into a hug, her breath momentarily disappearing as she collided with his chest. “What d’you think?”

“You sound great,” she admitted, reluctantly pulling away. It felt like it had been an eternity since he held like her that and she had almost forgotten his scent. “like always. The voice of an angel.”

His cheeks were already rosy, but she knew him and could easily spot the blush turning a shade darker. He chuckled, running a hand through his mop of curls and she wished her fingers could replace his. His laughter - easily one of her favorite sounds in the world - would normally send a warm tingle throughout her body, but this time around it caused her nothing but misery. She missed being able to make him laugh without even trying.

“’m sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up,” he apologized, his thumb caressing the crease of her wrist. “Connor and I went to the gym and you were gone when I got back.”

She noticed the exaggerated pout of his lips, but ignored it. “Brian treated me to breakfast.”

Shawn nodded. “He told me. Heard you ate three whole waffles.”

There was a teasing smirk dancing on his lips and normally she would either elbow him or swat his chest to which he would pull her close and tickle her sides. Not even his playful banter could lift the blanket of mixed emotions she seemed to be tangled in. She was sad; sad because she felt like she didn’t know her boyfriend anymore, sad because he didn’t seem to notice them growing apart, sad because she knew he could do so much better than her. Her sadness was accompanied by anger and frustration for all the same reasons. She was upset with Shawn for acting the way he had been acting, for not telling her about the music video and pretending like it wasn’t a big deal. She was upset with herself because, in reality, she felt pathetic for feeling this way.

“Do you love me?”

Her question-like accusation was abrupt. So abrupt that it momentarily felt like everybody in the arena had stopped their actions to listen to their conversation. She was certain that if she dropped a pin, you’d be able to hear it come in contact with the grey concrete floors. Shawn’s playful exterior faltered immediately, his brows furrowing as if trying to figure out if she had said what he heard. His hand fell from hers in surprise and she missed his warm touch instantly.

“After everything we’ve been through, you still think I don’t love you?” Shawn uttered, disbelief dripping from his words.

“I don’t know, okay? I can’t tell. I-I don’t know who you are anymore, Shawn.”

His name felt foreign on her tongue and by the way his eyes widened, he wasn’t expecting to hear his first name fall from her lips either. For the two, almost three years, their respective pet names were all they had exchanged as a means of referring to one another. Shawn had expanded his nickname vocabulary as they grew more serious and she wasn’t complaining; some of his favorites being honey and baby. Y/N had her fair share of pet names for him, too, but the most favorable one was rockstar. It always tugged at the corner of his lips and more often than not, it elicited a smile from her favorite person in the whole world.

“What do you mean?”

“You haven’t noticed? Shawn, we can barely get through a conversation without coming for each other’s throats. I feel like I haven’t seen you in months. Even when you’re home, you spend all your time with your friends and when you’re here, you’re with Camila,” she informed, the words spilling out before she could really consider them.

“That’s not—”

“It’s true, so please don’t try to make any excuses. And next time you decide to practically hump her in a music video, how about a heads up first, hm?”

Shawn’s wide eyes glanced around quickly and although she could tell his anxiety was getting to him, she couldn’t stop herself. She was on a roll and she needed to get the words off her chest. Over the past couple of months, she had been bottling these feelings up, too afraid that if she spoke of them aloud, Shawn would agree with the haunting voice in her head. She knew it hadn’t been the same between them lately, but she also knew that she didn’t want to be with anyone else. Shawn was the one who could make her laugh on her darkest days and she wanted - needed - him in her life.

Maybe that was the reason her eyes watered as hers met his. She recognized the guilt within them immediately, but it was gone almost as soon as it disappeared. The flicker of remorse was replaced with anger and she knew then that he wasn’t about to just stand there and listen to her, he would put up a fight. She dug her nails into the palm of her hand, determined to at least appear stronger than she was. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of crying.

“I told you about the music video weeks before we filmed it!”

“Yeah, but you never told me you were the one doing all those things with Camila. If I had known, I wouldn’t be as supportive as I was.”

Shawn scoffs, his eyebrows quirking. “Supportive? If you were supportive you wouldn’t be out here complaining about me being gone when it’s my job. You knew what it would be like when we started dating.”

He was right and they both knew it. It had been a frequent discussion amongst the two of them as their relationship grew more serious. Shawn made sure to let her know that with his second album nearing its release, there would be even more touring and more interviews, but she had already fallen head over heels for him and was certain they could withstand every obstacle thrown their way. She was proven right as he left for his second world tour, their relationship blooming like a flower in spring. It seemed as though the two of them were invincible and she missed that feeling more than she could express.

She still wanted them to be. There was not an ounce of doubt within her that she wanted to be with him. The two of them were often mentioned in magazines despite their relationship being fairly private. Headlines like ‘Hollywood power couple Shawn and Y/N’ and ‘Long-term couple Mendes and Y/L/N’ were more frequent than she would like to admit. It was flattering, she couldn’t deny it, but it was also scary. She knew that if the two of them were to split, the press would be all over them in a heartbeat, like vultures attacking their prey. She had been with him for so long that she couldn’t imagine a future without him, but the dark thoughts filling her head were telling her that would be impossible.

“I’m not complaining,” she muttered, the tears threatening to spill once again. “I’m just saying that you’ve been spending a lot of time with Camila and other friends instead of me. You don’t even invite me along.”

“I do spend time with you, Y/N,” she tried her best not to shudder as her name fell from his lips. It sounded like poison and by the brief look of shock in his eyes, she assumed it tasted like it, too. “Camila’s one of my best friends. I’ve known her longer than I’ve known you.”

His words were like thorns pricking her skin. It felt like her skin was on fire. Her insecurities were right at the front of her mind instantaneously and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t push them away. She was well-aware that Camila had known him longer and while a part of her hated it, she knew how much she and their friendship meant to Shawn. Camila was sweet and Y/N considered her a friend, so she had never really been insecure until recently. She trusted Shawn and she trusted Camila, but her own thoughts were getting the best of her.

“Yeah, I know, your fans remind me every day. I don’t know if you notice, but they tag me in photos and tweets all the time and ninety percent of the time it’s to tell me that you should be dating her and not me. Sometimes, I feel like you want it to happen as much as them.”

She wasn’t sure what she noticed first; the way his expression softened or the salty tear coming in contact with her bottom lip. Inwardly cursing herself for not being able to hold her tears at bay, she brought her hand to her face, frustratingly using the back of her hand to wipe away the escaped tears. She hated not being able to control her tears, it was increasingly difficult when she couldn’t even control her emotions. She was angry and terrified and hurt and sad. It was a cocktail she didn’t like the taste of.

“What d’you mean? Of course, I don’t! We’re just friends.”

“Yeah,” she sighed, a scoff escaping her. “And friends don’t know the way you taste, right? Your fans were the ones who pointed it out, actually, but you do seem to have a lot of songs about unrequited love, so it makes you wonder who—”

“Don’t use my lyrics against me,” Shawn mumbled, taking a hesitant step forward as if to test the boundaries. She didn’t have the energy to move and remained in her spot. “I love Camila, but the love I have for her is completely different from the one I have for you. Baby, I love you so much it hurts. Those songs are either based off old feelings or story ideas I make up in my head. You know that.”

“I-I just,” she sighed and before she could wipe away her continuous tears, Shawn beats her to it. His thumb moves gingerly across her cheek, taking the signs of her weakness with it. “She’s so gorgeous and the whole world practically wants the two of you to date and I... I just feel like I’m not enough.”

“You are,” Shawn proclaimed immediately, his large hand resting against your damp cheek. “You are more than enough. I don’t care what the world thinks or what my fans are saying. I want you. I’m sorry I’ve been so distant. There’s been a lot going on with the tour and traveling and planning the- it’s been hectic and you deserve better and I’m sorry.”

“I’m stupid. I’m sorry. I-I just get insecure and social media makes it worse sometimes.”

Shawn shook his head, using his thumb to lift your chin gently. “Hey, you’re not stupid. We all have our insecurities and yours are as real as anyone else’s. I’m really sorry about the music video, but please know that I was thinking of you the whole time and it was fucking awkward. I have the day off tomorrow. Let’s hang out, just the two of us, yeah? No phones. No friends. Sound good?”

She nodded and that was all it took for him to pull her back into his arms. She could feel his nose in her hair and she smiled against his chest. Her insecurities wouldn’t disappear just like that, they both knew that, but the fact that he understood where she was coming from was all she needed. She could hear his small inhale and she knew he was smelling her hair to see if she smelled like home, making her smile even wider. Interlacing her hands behind his back, she hugged him tighter, determined to never let him go. She could only hope that he was in it for the long-run too and his next words were really all the reassurance she needed.

“About fucking time,” Brian exclaimed, startling the two of you apart. “I was about to take Y/N and let you have Camila, man.”

“Fuck off. No one’s taking her. She’s mine and she always will be.”

should i create a tag list? also, come talk to me about this! i love hearing your opinions 🧡

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes oneshot #shawn mendes one shot #shawn mendes one-shot #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes x reader #reader x shawn mendes #reader x shawn #shawn x reader #shawn mendes x y/n #y/n x shawn mendes

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echoes-of-realities · 4 years

Text

I’m a writer, and despite not knowing how I feel or what to write, I wanted someplace to record all the things I do remember about him. I spent so long trying to erase every memory of him, and now that he’s really, truly gone, I want all those memories I hated back.

He always smelled of cigarette smoke, sweat, sawdust, and something sweet I can never ever name until I get a whiff of a can of Pepsi being cracked open.

He was quiet, and reserved, and he didn’t like to drink. I get that from him. I got my sweet tooth and terrible eyesight from him too, and I take my coffee the same way he used to. I remember because my sister once tried his coffee before he put the cream and sugar in it and she somehow loved it black; my dad and me couldn’t understand how this three year old liked black coffee. I’m scared I got his addicting personality too, which is why I rarely touch alcohol and will never gamble in my life.

He loved yard sales and pawn shops. It didn’t matter where we were going or how late for a job he would be, he would always pull over and look through them. Was it irresponsible? Yeah, of course, but he would let us wander the plastic tables of people selling their long forgotten memories and dusty old regrets and he never rushed us even as the clock ticked further and further away from being on time.

He bought a GameCube and the Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker for $70 from a yard sale once. We used to crowd around the tv and play together, just the three of us. My sister was too young to handle the controller, but we used to let her sail around the ocean while we looked up walkthroughs. I spent almost 2 frustrating hours trying to do the part on the pirate ship at the very beginning, but when he came home he did it for me and it took him like 10 seconds. I thought it was a miracle despite not knowing what a miracle was.

He once adopted a cockatiel from the lady who hired him to redo her kitchen flooring instead of taking payment for a job. My mom hated that he did that, and hated that bird even more. I was five, but he let me name him Cuddles even though he knew you can’t really cuddle a bird.

He used to set up a cheap tv and our gamecube in his van so my sister and I could play it while he was on jobs. We usually ended up following him around and watching him work though because playing video games by ourselves wasn’t half as fun as seeing strange houses and unrolling carpet. I haven’t even been in a flooring store since, but I could probably install a decent looking carpet even still.

He used to let my sister and I pick the pickles off his McDonald’s burgers even though they were his favourite part, because they were our favourite part too, so he gave them all to us every time.

He bought me a painted wooden elephant from the farmers market just because he saw me looking at it. I can still remember that day; the bright sun, my sister sleeping on my mom’s shoulder, the cement parking bar I was walking on like a tightrope, my dad’s hand in mine and the wooden elephant in the other.

He would call me squirt and monkey instead of sweetie or honey and I always loved that because no other dad I knew called their kids that, and when my sister came along he called her little squirt. I always forget about that until I find myself calling my little cousins squirt or monkey just like he did to me, once upon a forever ago.

He used to fall asleep curled up in front of the fireplace like a cat. Apparently it helped his sore back but I think he just liked the feel of the fire on his face, even if it was electric heat. He once melted a pillow and almost burned down our house and the neighbour’s because we lived in a tiny duplex, but the next day he was fast asleep in front of the fireplace just like always.

He’s the real reason I wanted to learn how to play guitar, and I’ve never once admitted that to anyone. He had an electric guitar and an amp and a microphone set up out in our garage, and I would spend hours trying to get my little fingers to play a chord while he worked on his wood project of the week. He was never any good at it because he never had someone teach him and he was too busy to get better on his own, but I still remember sitting in rapt attention in the garage with cigarette smoke thick in the air between us as he slowly plucked one of the few songs he knew.

The feel of the strings under my fingers and the hum of the body against mine makes me feel closer to him, even in spite of the miles and years and corporeality now between us.

The only thing I have left of him is an old guitar strap, a wooden elephant, and these ashes that were once him.

My dad was a petty thief, he evaded taxes for probably 20 years, he owes over $50,000 in child support, he stole dental equipment and jewelry from jobs, he had a gambling addiction that ruined my family and nearly put us on the street, he went bankrupt and didn’t tell my mom until Canada Revenue was knocking on her door looking for someone to pay off his debts, he abandoned us and hurt me more than anyone else in my life ever has and probably more than anyone else ever will.

He was also just, you know, my dad for 9 years, unquestionably, unconditionally. He taught me to ride a bike, to play video games, to tie my shoes, to sword fight with sticks, to roll carpet properly, to balance on cement parking bars, to bury my sister in sand, to sometimes eat dessert before supper after a really bad day. He gave me my love of music, of video games, of McDonald’s pickles, of fantasy novels, of wolves, of sweet things, of coffee with three teaspoons of sugar. He was my only connection to being Cree and I was too young when he left to ask him all the questions I have about our shared culture.

He was Native and born to two fifteen year olds, the oldest of five kids from four different dads. He never finished grade 8 and started working at age thirteen to help his mom support his siblings. His own father held him in the hospital once the day he was born before being chased off the reserve. His sister never knew her dad either, his brother’s dad was abusive and died of cancer, his youngest brother and sister were 16 years younger than him. He had two kids who were so white passing most people thought we weren’t even his. Between the inter generational trauma and the fact that he never had a stable father figure in his life, it’s a wonder he stayed around as long as he did.

But while knowing this now explains his actions, it doesn’t excuse them. It doesn’t make my own pain magically go away, it doesn’t erase the decade and a half I spent angry and confused and grieving someone who’s love was supposed to be unconditional. I don’t forgive him for all the pain he caused me, but I miss him. I’ve always missed him, despite all the years I spent hiding that with anger.

I’ve always know that grief can be very lonely, I never knew exactly how lonely it truly was until I lost someone that only one other person in my life is grieving. My sister and I are alone, despite the love and support from our friends and family, we’re alone in this. Nobody in our lives aside from us, his only two daughters, miss him.

There’s a different type of grief when you lose an estranged parent, especially one that abandoned you when you were just a kid who had only just learned her times tables and how to write in cursive. It wasn’t my choice to have no contact with him for over half my life, but I still regret those lost years all the same. I’ve been grieving him for fourteen years already, but it’s different now because he’s really gone, not just “out there somewhere.” I used to check obituaries for the town I was born in because I didn’t know whether he was dead or alive, whether he was homeless or had another family, whether he was even in that town or not. He’s really gone now, and so is any chance at ever rekindling with him, at having a relationship with him.

I’ve lost my dad three times in my life:

The first was that February night when he dropped Valentine’s Day gifts off for my sister and I and then disappeared into the dark night, swirling out of focus like the snow falling just out of sight of the porch light.

The second time was that August evening when he sent me a Facebook friend request and I deleted it because I was still so caught up in my anger at him abandoning us that I was in no place to make amends, I know now that it was because he was sick and dying even though it would take another five years before he was truly gone.

The third, and last time, I lost my dad was July 25th, on that windy afternoon when his sister who we’d never met Facebook messaged us to tell us that she found him dead that morning.

I will never lose him again because he’s gone for good now. I’ve know this fact for fourteen years, but somehow it’s so much more painful now than it was on July 24th, when he was out of my life but still out there somewhere, still alive.

#personal #don’t reblog #I might delete this later but his memorial is this afternoon and I can’t sleep so instead I just wrote for a while #and I just needed to feel like I am sharing these thoughts to someone even if no one ever reads this #this is also why I’ve been effectively mia for the past month cause I’ve been working on processing my dad’s death

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