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xocasper · 2 years

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omg since requests are open, I’m literally begging for some Ray content, like maybe teasing a reader that has a praise kink

Patience Is a Virtue

Pairing: Ray Toro x Reader Summary: After a long day of waiting, you finally have alone time with Ray. Patience isn't your strong suit, but he believes you can last a little bit longer. Warnings: NSFW content Tags: praise kink, oral sex, teasing Word Count: 2226 A/N: I got covid, collapsed at work, and writer's block in the span of two weeks. Not sure what I did to deserve this, but I think it's over. People are always telling me to stop threatening to kill the Queen because it's bad karma--I think they were right. Sorry Elizabeth. Anyway, this is my first request so I hope it's alright!

Bright lights illuminated the stage of a dingy bar, currently inhabited by your boyfriend’s band. You watched intently as he played, tuning out the rest of the room as he held your attention. Typically you wouldn’t be as hyper-focused, but Ray had made your day incredibly difficult, and the sly grins he was sending you weren’t helping.

It started out simple; you woke up earlier than usual this morning and decided to make breakfast. Ray quickly noticed your absence, eyes fluttering open as the smell of pancakes wafted into the bedroom. Sure enough, you were standing at the stove, humming quietly while you listened to his heavy footfalls, leaning into his touch as he wrapped his arms around you.

“Morning,” he mumbled, resting his head on yours while he watched you. You stayed like that for a few minutes, his hands stroking your sides before fiddling with the hem of your shirt. A comfortable silence filled the air, sleep still hanging heavy over the two of you.

You handed him a plate and he looked at you, surprised although he’d been hoping you were making extras. “You’re too good to me,” he grinned, pressing his lips to yours. It was a sweet kiss despite the way his hands drifted up your nightshirt, pulling away as you tried to deepen it. You leaned up again only for him to turn away, pretending to ignore you.

“C’mon,” you huffed, but he just looked at you, eyebrows raised as he tried to hide his smile. The rest of breakfast was mundane, and you talked about your plans for the day while he gazed at you, eyes trailing up your figure as if he was trying to fluster you—which he was.

This didn’t stop while you were getting ready for work, either. He had a ball telling you how pretty you looked, planting soft kisses on your lips that were far too short for your liking. You had to leave soon, and you were getting a bit impatient with Ray. He knew this, of course, walking to the front door with you, now gripping your waist and tugging you flush against his chest. He shot you a smile rather than kissing you, finding his ideas much more fun than yours. “I’ll see you tonight,” he said, close enough that you could just…

But he pulled away again. An involuntary whine escaped you as he laughed to himself, ushering you out the door and ignoring your desperation for something real. You knew very well that the night would end in your favor, but ‘patience is a virtue’ always sounded like bullshit to you.

You could hardly focus for the rest of the day, your mind clouded with silent promises which only made time move slower. Ray had a gig tonight too, which meant sitting in a grimy bar while he performed with the band, shining under cheap lights while he shamelessly eye-fucked you from the stage. Typically you loved watching him perform, but at the moment you were too needy to even think about sitting through the show.

When your shift was over, he was no longer home, off with the rest of the guys preparing for their gig. You had just enough time to eat and shower before you had to leave, the reality of how busy your schedule was setting in. Usually you’d be exhausted by now, but adrenaline and anticipation coursed through your veins as you drove off to the bar, always excited to watch him play; you were his biggest supporter, and he made sure to show his appreciation at the end of the night.

The gig started out fine; Ray was concentrating on playing, but as he relaxed, his attention went to you, trying not to laugh at how focused you were. It made him feel special, knowing that you, of all people, were watching him so closely, looking up at him like he’d hung the moon. He wanted to make you feel special too, staring back at you like a lovesick puppy while he thought of all the wonderful things he’d do to you after the show.

It was a good thing he knew the songs so well, otherwise he would’ve been fucked sideways. By the end of the show he was visibly flushed, mind having wandered off ages ago, the only coherent thought being you. He had spent at least half the show with his eyes locked on you, intoxicated by your presence.

“Dude, are you good?” Frank asked as their set ended, standing on his toes and pressing a hand to Ray’s forehead. “What?” he responded, snapping out of his trance to smack his friend’s hand away. “I’m fine, thanks.”

Frank scoffed and followed his line of sight, eventually spotting you in the dark room, ogling at his friend. His concern turned into a fit of laughter, slapping Ray on the back as he walked off, shouting something indecipherable; not that it mattered to either of you right now, you could be embarrassed about it another time.

The air was chilly as you met Ray out back, a stark contrast to the warmth flowing through you. He was coated in a thin layer of sweat, curls tousled and practically glowing in the moonlight. Frank had probably already told the band where he’d be–in vivid detail, no doubt–so there was no reason to wait any longer. He had the same thought, picking up where he left off earlier by kissing you passionately, hands pulling you tight against him.

“Hi,” he said finally, smiling at the dazed look on your face. Maybe it was lack of oxygen or the sheer force he used, but your head was spinning. It didn’t matter much to him though, taking your hand and pulling you over to the car. He had hitched a ride from one of the guys earlier, finding no reason for both of you to drive. It didn’t take too long; fifteen minutes tops, but your patience was wearing thin.

Every move he made, whether it was placing his hand on yours or simply driving stick shift, seemed ten times hotter than usual; you could single-handedly give this man an ego problem. He wasn’t immune to you either, barely able to focus with you next to him, similar to how he felt when you met.

You tripped inside, hardly making it up to the apartment with Ray hot on your trail. Much to your dismay, he did not let you tear his clothes off the second the door shut. Instead, he pulled you into the bedroom, kissing you slow and deep, the polar opposite of what you were expecting. Obviously he knew this, taking his time to mess with you, the image of you crying, begging for him as his only motivation.

Everything felt so slow, from the way his tongue moved against yours, to how he gently laid you down. His hands remained on your hips, still focused on his lips against yours, making no move to touch you further. He broke away when you bucked your hips up, striving for friction.

“Touch me,” you breathed, and he just smiled at you. “Why should I?” he asked, pecking your lips while you wiggled beneath him. “Because I’ve waited all day.” He pondered your answer for a moment but ultimately deemed it invalid. “I think you can wait a little longer.”

Your shoulders slumped in disappointment as he kissed your jaw, traveling lower at an agonizingly slow pace, savoring every inch of you. His hands slid down your thighs, centimeters away from discovering how wet you were–not that you minded, if anything you were praying that he’d take pity and touch you. He didn’t, as expected, and kept his grip firm to prevent you from moving.

After what felt like forever, he took off your shirt and hovered over you, admiring the bare skin. “You’re so beautiful,” he told you, smiling softly as he slid across the mattress. His mouth trailed down your torso, leaving soft kisses above the waistband of your jeans.

Ray watched you as he slowly slid them down, wasting time to see just how desperate you could get. You shifted around and reached out to pull him closer, but he retracted his hands. “Be patient,” he said, voice laced with amusement. He stifled a laugh as you groaned, and returned to his former position.

He kissed up your thighs, his hands warm against your skin as he held them apart. He hummed in question as you let out a shaky breath, followed by a “please.” Luckily, he was also getting sick of waiting, fulfilling your wishes and exposing you to the cool air.

His breath fanned over your skin, mere inches from your core, holding your gaze as he kissed you. You shivered at his touch, helplessly shifting under his hands. He quickly made up for lost time, everything becoming lips and tongue, warm and wet as his fingers sunk into your thighs. He tugged you closer, only to pull away as your hips jumped. You frowned down at him as he shot you a warning glance; if you couldn’t wait, you couldn’t finish.

Ray’s original quick pace dissolved into slow and teasing, wide strokes of his tongue turning into kitten licks while you gripped the sheets in hopes of grounding yourself. Thankfully his teasing didn’t last long, his self-control crumbling quicker than yours. You reveled in the way his mouth felt, vocalizing your pleasure as he dragged his tongue across your clit, sucking lightly before dipping his tongue in your slit.

Your breathing grew unsteady with each passing moment, your back arched and muscles clenched as he lapped at your cunt. He could tell you were close by the way your legs shook, sandwiched between them with no concern for oxygen. You were buzzing as his movements bordered on overwhelming, doing half the work yourself as you ground down against him.

You stammered out Ray’s name, followed by a string of jumbled curses, but he pulled away at the last minute. A desperate cry echoed throughout the room as he stared up at you, a small smirk tugging at his lips. “You sound so pretty,” he said, not even trying to hide his grin anymore. He was on a power high, admiring how fragile you looked, as if a feather-light touch could break you.

He didn’t wait too long before diving back in, not letting his hard work go to waste. Sure enough, it took the smallest of touches for you to come apart beneath him, choked sobs and broken moans encircling you as he cleaned up the mess. He gave you a minute to breathe, leaving more gentle kisses on your skin as he pulled away.

You watched in admiration as he stripped, still feeling fuzzy as he approached you, being met with his slick lips against yours. “Beautiful,” he reminded you when you broke apart, eyes trailing over your body. He could’ve sworn you were hand-crafted by God themself, you were so perfect.

Carefully, he hovered over you, listening to how your breath hitched as he lined himself up between your legs, the tip of his dick sliding against your folds rather than in. He studied your expression, your eyes fluttering open when he still hadn’t pushed in. “Ray, please,” you pouted at him. He rolled his eyes in jest and thrust in, moaning at the sudden warmth.

His rhythm was quick and deep, rewarding your patience. You gripped his arms and pulled him closer, shrinking the gap between the two of you. His breathing hitched, moaning your name as you hooked your legs around his waist, allowing him to drive deeper inside of you.

“You take me so well,” he mumbled against your skin, swelling with pride as clenched around him, sinful sounds spilling from your lips. “Fuck, I’m–” you started, groaning in mild frustration as he slowed his thrusts. He knew you were close again, but you could wait a little longer, right?

“You can hold it,” he smiled, kissing you gently after the pitiful whine you let out. “C’mon, be good for me.” His pace picked up again and you held him tightly, resisting your orgasm with the little strength you had left. Ray must’ve noticed your (incredibly obvious) struggle, snapping his hips against yours a few more times before blessing you with a soft ‘come for me’. That’s all it took, shaking as your muscles contracted, and falling limp as he pulled out.

He painted you pretty, moaning softly as the very sight of you, sprawled out and dazed, stained with sweat and come, looking effortlessly beautiful–even if you’d disagree. He wiped you down as best as possible with his t-shirt, neither of you having the energy nor caring to move anymore; he had a million black t-shirts anyway.

Ray held you close, arms strong and safe around your waist. “You performed really well tonight,” you told him, planting soft kisses on his chest while you listened to his breathing. “Oh? During or after the gig?” You couldn’t help but laugh a little, cuddling closer to him as he pulled up the covers. “Both,” you confirmed, giving him one more kiss and letting your eyes flutter shut. He just looked down at you dreamily, whispering a soft ‘I love you’ before drifting off to sleep.

taglist: @lubbockshusband @yachiiko @newgirlinhell @tomoora @canyousttakemyheart @blackberryblossom

#ray toro x reader #ray toro #ray toro smut #mcr x reader #mcr smut #my chemical romance

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belong2human-kind · 9 months

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Hey guys! Clara, echoflower, here! :')

This going to be a really long post and it contains my view of my disorder OCD and it can be triggering to some, so I already apologize for the length and also for possible triggers :(

I've been offline from tumblr because there's too many things happening in my life, and although I'm not really depressed again, I don't think I can engage in the things I love the most on here, which is my fandoms like Rebels, SW, deltarune, undertale, Avatar and so many more you know? As much as I want to be active here because these things bring me so much joy, I don't think I have the energy to do it for now :(

I know I've mentioned quite sometimes here, but I have OCD and GAD since my whole life, and many of my behaviors are still influenced by them because although I'm in treatment and I do see many positive results, I only discovered OCD too late in life, in my 19s during covid when I almost got through a psychotic episode. OCD makes you question reality in such a sick way that, if you don't have support and don't have the diagnosis, you can experience a disconnection from reality since you question your whole self and the world around you. It's much more deep than just checking the doorknob 3 times to make sure it's locked, because it is never only 3 times. Maybe 4, maybe 6, maybe 7 or you skip to 12, but never really only 3. You engage in compulsions and you know that they do not make any sense, you see the door locked in front of you, but it's like a feeling. It doesn't feel like it's locked. And these types of questioning can suddenly change to other topics because this is one of OCD specialties, right? To infiltrate in everything you know and believe and twist that against you, making you doubt yourself and your reality around, making you feel confused and guilty. I have pretty bad themes on my ocd like "What if I hurt someone I love while I'm holding a knife or scissor??" And I have this one, followed by horrifying intrusive realistic thoughts that show me performing the action I despise the most, and to avoid the thought or relieve the stress of it, I need to do something. Sometimes, screaming "no, I won't do it" out loud, sometimes avoidance. I stopped using any really pointed and sharp scissors and knives at age of 7 to 8 years. And the thing about engaging in compulsions is that, it helps, momentarily, but it gets worst as time passes by. And the thoughts can turn into more monstrous things, like "Imagine if you kissed your parent romantically??" "Oh this person that passed through me was good looking... Did I just cheat on my boyfriend? I think I did..." and other what ifs and pathological doubts that never ends and can apply to anything, specially the things you care the most about. If you value honesty, then OCD makes you feel a liar. If you're certain you are someone good, ocd doubts that until you question your own actions, all of them, even the smallest ones like touching your nose. If you are afraid of being sick or catching microorganisms (thankfully I don't have this type because I could probably never engage in biology and microbiology, my passions) you become hyper aware of any normal thing in your body, they become signals of something that isn't there, but you can't believe it because it feels like it is. It's like experiencing your worst nightmares repeating on an endless spiral in your mind, daily.

And as time passes with you being in the dark and not understanding why you do this although you know it's illogical and you don't really want to do, the more you spend your life without the knowledge that you have this disorder and consequently without the properly treatment, the more time it takes to heal all the damage. And sadly, I'm 21 now. I've been just "weird Clara with weird superstitions and rituals" for 19 years but I've been "Clara, who has OCD diagnosed and treated" for almost 3 years now. The process is slow, it's full of ups and downs, and I had very meaningful losses in my life during the pandemic years, which impacted negatively on my healing :(

I lost my dad, my dog and the other closest person in my house (which I already mentioned in private to some but won't say publicly because of my mystical OCD and the belief that if I mention her name I'll deem her bc of my fault) is fighting cancer rn, metastic one, and her treatment is having ups and downs that makes me feel so so bad... some days I'm just hopless, you know?

I was recently also confirmed to my old suspecting of ADHD. I had it all my life, but my OCD and generalized anxiety made it difficult to notice. Now that they are much more controlled, adhd is so so loud and I was in the dark, not knowing why I was so lazy, why I would forget to drink and eat, forget to go to the bathroom and take baths, brush my teeth, forget to feed my so beloved pets... now I know, but some relatives like aunts and uncles still don't have the patience to deal with it. I'm trying to get better, but because of OCD and GAD, I cannot treat ADHD, since they are opposite medications 🥲 so I guess I'll just have to find ways to compensate my chronically lateness, lack of time understanding and lack of energy to exist someday too, to simply get out of bed even though you want to do so many things.

Anyways, this post is already super long, but I just want to update you all and thank for all the amazing friends I've got here, and all the prayers and support as well. I used to be (still am a little) super shy to post my things, but the Rebels fan community received me so lovingly that I got confident to post my arts 🥺 I really adore you all guys 🌻

I intend to be back as soon as possible, I just really need to get my life together, that by now is a chaos 🥲 but I'm sure I'll be around when Ahsoka goes on air bc my hyperfixation on Bine and Ezra will be back!! Lol 🥲

I hope you all are doing great! Miss you all guys 🌻

#updates #reasons why I wasn't too much active here #sorry for being inactive #ocd #ocd things #anxiety disorder #adhd #adhd burnout #pure ocd #spiraling #ocd thoughts #pathological doubts of ocd #mystical/superstitious ocd type #relationship ocd #harm ocd #violent thoughts ocd #moral ocd

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positivityforlesbians · 2 years

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Hello ❤️ Something happened recently in my life that just doesn’t align with my identity as a lesbian and it’s been extremely frustrating. it took me years to realize the discomfort I was feeling around men, especially in dating situations stemmed from me not being attracted to them in any way. I tried but failed many times. it then took me some more years to fully accept and grow into my true self which is liking women and women only.

I should also note that I have never had a girlfriend or even a crush on a girl that was serious because I’m still in the closet. what I do have, however, is sex drive. high one. I think the term for it is hyper sexuality. I’ve been lonely and touch starved for a long time. this is where The Incident comes in. a few weeks ago we were celebrating with some friends and the alcohol intake got a little out of hand where I didn’t remember the last 2-3 hours, I completely blacked out. one guy messaged me the next day saying I was flirty and I offered to go in the woods just the two of us. As I said I have no recollection of this and I was shocked and sad and crying because it took me so long to grow into my sexuality and seeing as it could all be ruined with alcohol…. This has happened before during the years I was still navigating my way around it but once I fully grown into my skin I thought it would stop. that I would stop doing this. I have an ex bf from my high school years (when I hadn’t yet known it was possible to be something other than cishet) that remained in my circle of friends and with enough alcohol in me I could get myself to kiss him and sometimes more. I just needed to be desired sexually, it was like what I needed to survive. That also stopped well over 1.5 years ago and I was happy to have managed to get out of this rabbit hole. and yet I still put myself in a similar situation

my theory is that my drunk subconscious just needs an outlet for all the horniness I’ve been bottling up and since I’m in the closet and it’s a precious secret to me because I don’t feel safe to come out, I can’t do it with girls so i did it with guys. When I am sober and in my right mind I flinch at the thought of being attracted to men and I am positive that I’m not but all of this is making no sense in my head and I just really, really REALLY need someone else’s thoughts/advice on this. Have you ever experienced or heard of this from other people?

i’m sorry if this isn’t the type of asks you accept but I needed to tell someone and I feel so helpless and lonely and like I fell back to a point in my life where I don’t have a coherent idea of who I am

Hi ! I'm sorry I didn't respond to this earlier, long messages sort of make me anxious because I always want to respond as best as possible but the perfectionism really just breaks my will to do it in the first place. I don't think I have heard of this before and the rare times I saw something similar the women were just bisexual in denial. I have to be honest here these women were having sex with men and used the excuse of hypersexuality, the Covid quarantine, loneliness, etc and none of that fits being a lesbian. Wanting real hard to have sex as a lesbian will make you look for sex with ... a woman.

Granted it's not as easy to have casual sex with a woman compared to a man but still, a lesbian who knows she's a lesbian and doesn't want to go against every fibre in herself will not touch a man's penis with a stick. This isn't to say a lesbian with internalised lesbophobia strong enough wouldn't do it with the pure intent of breaking herself psychologically, that's a sad reality, and one facilitated by alcohol of course. It's known how an heavy and frequent alcohol take is an epidemic in the same-sex attracted community, because many are trying to run away from our demons (self-hatred, shame, rejection) so my advice is to stop the reckless alcohol take. It will help you have a better vision of who you are and if maybe you're mistaken. It is not normal to drink so much you blackout and don't remember what you did for about 2 to 3 hours. One time is already too much.

You have to be able to control yourself in general, just a few drinks is enough, don't go over the limit. I'm a lesbian and I can say I'm pretty lonely and touch-starved and even when I get drunk with my friends I still am super-aware of who I am and if I "lose control" I could accidentally reveal to my crush I am super into her or act in a way she knows for certain how strongly I feel (which petrifies me) but I would never want to kiss a man or doing more. Ask yourself the right questions and please stop drinking this much if you want to get a better sense of yourself, also because that is simply very dangerous for you. Wishing you good luck with that. Xx

#anonymous #my answers #lesbian safe #lesbian advices #sexuality #internalized lesbophobia #wlw #mental health

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thegodthief · 2 years

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I said I wasn't going to talk about it. But I'm gonna talk about it.

You hear a lot about the occult "success" stories. He got the job of his dreams. She got the house she always wanted. That asshole coworker was suddenly fired. And everyone lived happily ever after and it's all because This One Spirit™ was summoned and set to work.

Good job, now go forth and do likewise.

I guess it can be said that what happened yesterday was also an occult success story, but it's also a warning, and some bit of a rant.

First, the warning: Nothing here is medical advice. Like me, you're on your own.

Second, an imperative: Don't offer advice to me, medical or personal. It may feel like helping to you. It's not helping, it's not gonna help, and it will only add to the rancor noise.

So I have PTSD and depression. I also have a limited social network even before Covid showed up and reduced the safe number of people I can physically touch to one. I have learned the hard way that in this zip code, those who are suffering a crisis of any sort are given the equine treatment for broken legs instead.

I'm on my own.

When the Pit (my euphemism for when an episode strikes) swallows me up, I can't See. (Capital intended.) The pain of what happened swirls with the injustices I endure and foams with the reality of what's happening in this world before solidifying into a toxic suffocating mass that perfectly seals me away.

When I found myself in the deep end of the occult pool years ago and I took my first "public" course, we students were all asked to pick a goal to work towards. Everyone that responded in class declared The Big Three: Money. Sex. Toys.

I did not respond in class, because I saw right away there were taboos that were never to be discussed. Anything so much as medically adjacent was buried under thousand-word disclaimers about magic being imprecise and there are no doctors here and nothing here is medical advice because it's all for entertainment purposes only and maybe you should take that post down before it's taken down for you.

I never did respond to the prompt, as by the time I had found a way to word a personal goal in an acceptable way, the class had moved on.

Magic can't fill in the Pit. it can't heal a broken bone overnight. It can't lower blood sugar levels in a hot minute. It can't purge the memory of that one accursed night that has haunted you almost as long as you have been alive.

But it can bring you the resources you need to manage what it can't do.

And that was my goal then, and continues to be my goal now.

Yesterday, I was so deep in the Pit, I did not see a way out. It came on too fast and by the time I realized I was mired, my ability to interact with the outside world has been impacted. Those of you that saw the one sentence that wasn't in a queue have no idea how long I stared at the screen trying to put anything in that input box.

Or how ashamed I was for even daring to ask for help.

Social media loves watching people drown. Sometimes they get rescues on screen, sometimes they don't, but what happens when the crisis ends (or even how it ends) isn't interesting to the algorithm. It's the flailing that grabs revenue-generating attention.

I didn't want to be another Point Of Interest on an already crowded dash. And how could anyone help me in the first place? Why would they?

Which brings me to The Rant: To be Quite Obvious™, I am not involved in any online occult spaces. After the online occult debacle of 2020 and the gatekeeping that followed, I'm Out Of Touch™ with the deep conversations that are locked behind oaths of loyalty. What I am seeing is a great increase of public occultists (influencers?) declaring that their magic is the One True Way™ and they can prove it because look at all the Money! Sex! and Toys! that their spirits brought them! (And you can have it too if you follow this thirty-three step guide requiring resources that you will never see in your life!)

And y'all are falling for it.

Good fucking grief, are y'all just eating this shit up and begging for more.

I have watched, here on this black hole event horizon of a hellsite, on my own fucking dash, witches and occultists that have been at this work longer than me, going at each other's metaphorical throat because someone claimed they had help from this one spirit and THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO WORK THE BOOK SAYS.....

Fuck the book.

ACCORDING TO THE ANCIENT TEXTS ONLY PEOPLE INITIATED INTO THIS LINEAGE...

Is that so-called lineage a closed practice? Yes? Then why the fuck are you speaking on their behalf when you're not in it yourself?

Is the person doing the thing claiming they're doing a thing from a closed practice? No? Y'all have never heard of convergent evolution and it fucking shows.

Magic is not a race to the patent office. There have been more works beginning with a bowl of water as there have been bowls created in all of (pre)human history. But some of y'all will be very fucking quick to point out that because there are water bowl spells in the PGM then all water bowl spells are derivatives of that and it's cultural appropriation to say anything else!

There is this... expectation... that anyone who posts about magic, spiritual, and/or religious practices has to (1) cite their sources because no way could they have come up with any original idea on their own, (2) lay out their work in easy to follow steps because it has to be vetted by their "peers", and (3) have a perfect online appearance because Real Magicians™ don't have Problems™.

Welp.

I guess I'm not real.

And neither is the spirit that helped me out of the Pit, yesterday.

See, while money would solve many immediate problems, it's a bandage with weak sticking power. Money will not help me when I am unable to spend it on a service that is not available. One of my magic goals was to engender a workflow that would be triggered when I am in the Pit and unable to pull free. To be crude, a Dead Man's Switch.

It has taken time, trial, and errors (some comical, some not) to create the workflow. It has taken personal inspection of my own mind and revelation of its flaws and errors of thought. I had to be honest about what parts of my trauma were externally sourced and what parts I have been holding on to because it was more comfortable than fixing those parts of me that were fixable.

It required giving up control.

Yesterday, when I was so far in the Pit I really did not think I would come out, when my Sight had been blackened to the point that my sight was also affected, when I really thought this was the beginning of the end, a [hand] came out of the darkness and grabbed me by my face.

It was the first [vision] I had since the episode started.

"[Per your command, my hand will be removed when you remove it yourself. Until you remove my hand, I will pin you here and prevent you from any action other than removing my hand.]"

At first, I did nothing, because I could do nothing. But then, I got pissed. After everything else I'm going through, this bitch just straight up pins me down and dares me to do something about it? Well, I'm gonna! I'm gonna...

I'mma...

Wait.

Something's wrong.

"I'm having an episode."

"[Yes.]"

"Okay, I'm aware. Let go."

"[No.]"

Bitch, what.

"[Per your command, my hand will be removed when you remove it yourself.]"

But I'm in a [vision], none of this is physical, even though it is having physical consequences. If I'm gonna move this restraint, then it will take... oh. Okay.

(Do you want to be free to be comfortable? Or do you want to be free?)

The hand got moved. I came to my senses. Physical damage assessment: My pride. Several hours lost apparently staring at the wall.

Online damage assessment: Welp. It's not like I had a positive reputation in the first place, assuming I have a reputation at all anymore.

I count this as an Occult Success Story. I'm still alive. I haven't lost anything that I can't quickly recover (from), and I still have other resources at hand.

It's not a flashy story. I don't have seals, sigils, or signatures to share with anyone. There's no book to tell you to buy or online resource to sign up for. I don't have an Easy Five Step Method to duplicate the Dead Man's Switch. I'm not cured of anything and I still have the same problems as I did yesterday morning.

But I'm alive, and it's because I had done the work to empower a spirit to sit on my ass when I can't tell the difference between my head and a grave.

I don't know why I put this post together, other than a Very Strong Feeling™ that I should. That maybe someone else needs to hear from the muck at the bottom of the crucible that the only magic that matters is the magic that works for you however it works for you.

I dunno.

You do you.

I have some shit to catch up on.

#Maybe it's time to change the moniker.#After all I can't steal a god that's willing to come with me.#But I don't recognize what I have become.#I still haven't looked at my account's notes yet.#I'm still too raw to face that.

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fallynleaf · 1 year

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Jasmine and Nutmeg for the ask meme! Mmmmm, fragrant.

ooh, thank you!!

jasmine ⇢ do you have a movie or book you loved but will never watch/read again?

book or movie, i'm honestly not sure. wrestling show, absolutely yes. there are honestly quite a few of them. many of them i'll never watch again simply because they're so dang long, and even though i loved them in the moment, i know that they'll never be as good in the future because i won't be able to revisit that unique point in time in which they came into existence originally. some of them, though, i wouldn't watch again for other reasons.

the example that stands out the most is probably AEW's Brodie Lee Celebration of Life, which aired on december 30, 2020, and which was possibly the most emotional media experience i've ever had. i've repeatedly struggled to explain this to non-fans, but i will try again! this was a wrestling show that happened when we were basically unable to have funerals, thanks to the pandemic (and we should have probably been unable to have wrestling shows, too, but thank DeSantis for that), so it essentially was a funeral, except it was a very public one in which the wrestlers, the crew, the fans, and his family all mourned the loss of Brodie Lee (who had died unexpectedly a few days before the show after battling health issues for months) the only way we really could. i actually really, really hate funerals, but this show, man... this show...

the thing about wrestling is that actor and character are one and the same, in a way they aren't for movies or tv. this show was simultaneously about the death of the character Brodie Lee and the man Johnathan Huber. it was sort of about his entire legacy as a wrestler and all the lives he touched throughout the years, and particularly the lives he touched in AEW during the short several months that he was there (one of the greatest tragedies in the company is that the show where Brodie was supposed to debut, in his hometown, was the first show that had to be filmed in an empty arena due to covid. he died without ever getting another chance to perform in his hometown).

everyone was in character but not at the same time. it was fake in the way that wrestling always is, but also real in the way that wrestling always is, too. i think a lot of tragedies are really about finding a way to grapple with the reality and mindless cruelty of death by folding it into a narrative, and that's exactly what this show did, all while giving the characters and their performers a space to grieve as well as celebrate someone who'd had an immense impact on them. AEW's booker and president, Tony Khan, basically completely rewrote his plans for the show that week and put the company's main storylines on pause so that they could devote the entire show to Brodie.

i don't know how it would even come across to someone who isn't a wrestling fan. parts of it would probably be very off-putting and jarring, in the way that pro wrestling is such a mess of contradictions (it's belief and disbelief at the same time, walking that fine razor's edge between fiction and reality). but they wrote it for people who understand what it's like to live in this world, who live in the world that Brodie lived in.

it was a show that was exactly what it needed to be, exactly what it should have been. no more and no less. the wrestlers were out there putting on the performance of a lifetime and then just breaking down into tears after their match was over. MJF was maybe the only person who never broke character because he had to play the villain so that Brodie's eight year old son, whose real name was Brodie (everyone called him "Brodie Jr." even though Brodie was only his father's ring name, not his "real" name), had a tangible bad guy to vanquish and got to play the hero on national TV and save some of his favorite wrestlers after he had to experience one of the most horrific things that can happen to a child.

at one point, Brodie's old tag partner Erick Redbeard made a surprise appearance. he was carrying a sign that said "goodbye for now, my brother. see you down the road". i don't believe in Heaven (and the concept of it honestly distresses me), but in that moment, i thought, "maybe Heaven can exist in kayfabe".

this was a show with a very long tail. eight years from now, if AEW lasts that long, Brodie Jr. will probably debut as a wrestler (he technically already has an AEW contract, though of course he is still a literal child), and some of these old threads will probably get picked up again as he attempts to reckon with his father's legacy. some other dominoes have already fallen: Bryan Danielson mentioned this show as one of the reasons he jumped ship to AEW from WWE in 2021, and CM Punk also listed it as a major reason why he decided to put his faith in AEW and come back to wrestling in 2021 after seven years of retirement...

(it stood out to Punk that the AEW roster didn't leak anything about Brodie's health problems until his death. in 2022, however, the boat got a lot leakier, which spurred on Punk's increasing distrust toward his fellow wrestlers, ultimately leading to his undoing, and nearly the undoing of AEW as a whole. it shook the company at its very core and seriously threatened the golden lovers story, my favorite wrestling story (and possibly favorite love story?) of all time, but THAT is a different story...)

sorry for the very long answer about a subject that you don’t care about! 😅

nutmeg ⇢ how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on?

unfortunately i am currently stuck living with my parents for the foreseeable future, and i don’t have a whole lot of control over how my overall living space looks. i’ve thought quite a lot about what i want to have, though, and what i hope my future house looks like, if i’m ever able to actually live on my own for the long term...

i think i’ve probably told this story before, but my blog title, “all green and idols,” came from the Alan Moore comic Providence, where a character was quoting the 1902 novel Felix by Robert Smythe Hitchens. i have not read that book! but the quote was specifically describing a room, and as soon as i read it, i was like “wow that is my ideal house aesthetic, actually??” i’ve always been someone who has had trouble committing to one coherent aesthetic choice. i like too many things! and many of the things that i like are contradictory, and sort of compromise each other aesthetically if i combine them. but i do believe that “all green and idols” somehow embodies the full spectrum of aesthetics that appeal to me, and is actually a workable theme? so that is what i aim for, and what i wish my house to eventually look like.

#mizufae #thx

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dhaaruni · 3 years

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Collectively, liberals/leftists need to stop pretending that it's not insanely out-of-touch to think of America as inherently bad and patriotism as automatically jingoistic.

The reality is, the vast majority of Americans like America, and that goes twofold for immigrants like my family. We CHOSE to come to this country, leaving our friends and family and everything we knew, and never went back for a reason. We would have been perfectly happy in India, but we vastly prefer to live in the United States since my parents and I have loyalty to this country, as imperfect as it is, because it gave us the opportunity for a better life.

This ain't it!

America was patriotic long before 9/11 but like do people realize what happened on September 11, 2001 that made people so upset and really rally around the flag?

People were so supportive of firefighters and other first responders because they risked their lives to go into a burning building and rescue innocent civilians who were just going about their daily lives when they were victims of a terrorist attack on American soil. Like, it's really not that complicated that people felt patriotic after seeing normal men and women act in heroic ways! That's the bare bones essence of what the American ethos is supposed to be all about even if it generally isn't!

I'm not saying that the way Muslim-Americans were treated after 9/11 was remotely acceptable so don't put words in my mouth, but honestly, I just don't think this piece was necessary! The following two bullet points are not mutually exclusive:

9/11 was tragic, first responders acted heroically, and the event was extremely traumatic for so many Americans.

Bush and Co. weaponized 9/11 and the "rally around the flag" mentality to do some pretty fucked up things foreign policy wise, and Muslim-Americans were scapegoated for existing while Muslim.

It's very simple!

And, I've said it before and I'll say it again but on an electoral level, Democrats need to reclaim patriotism from the GOP because being anti-America is extremely unpopular with the vast majority of American citizens, whose votes we need to win elections. Republicans really don't care about the vast majority of Americans or they wouldn't be like, taking away people's healthcare or blaming Asian-Americans for COVID-19 or supporting the police killing innocent Black people, which is why it's really rich that they yell at Democrats for being anti-American but then again, that's not difficult to do when Democratic legislators fall into anti-American rhetoric as well .

The reality is, Democrats serve in the military, Democrats are policemen (and policewomen) and firefighters and teachers and doctors and pastors and rabbis and everything else in between. They serve this country just as much as the GOP does if not more so, and Republicans still call Democrats anti-American for wanting to improve on this country we all love and not mindlessly accepting white supremacy and the patriarchy.

#land of the free home of the brave #politics

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syubub · 3 years

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2021 Reading for BTS and the collective!!

Wow wow wow! I didn't disappear or get dragged away by a demon. No no, I just got thrust into unexpected shadow work and I now have an unhealthy obsession with sea shanties and a love of pasta.

I had this idea planned to be early in January but that didn't pan out so I'm doing it now. I have another yoongi reading in the works and another fun thing coming soon as well!!

I promise I won't bore you to death any longer but I hope you've all been doing well!!

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact.

If this message doesn't apply, let it fly!

Cool cool cool.

Let's get it.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Oki. I first want to say that this I gonna be long lol. I did a meditation and gathered some little pieces of things y'all might need to hear and then I pulled cards for every month. The fountain tarot deck is the cards for us, the collective, and the rider-waite cards are for bts. It'll make more sense when I add picks and stuff. I did a little extra card pull for yoongi for the month of May too :) I'll make sure to type out all the cards in text so you know what they are (the pics are kinda wack.) I also used my pendulum to ask if there was a bts related event for every month and that's at the bottom. It's just to take in the possible energy for the month and something that could result from that energy!

LETTUCE BEGIN (hehe)

Starting with the section for the channeled messages. I want to reiterate that this was collective so if it doesn't resonate with you, the message might not be for you! Use your intuition.

(Enough talking. Damn)

So. As I said this was through meditation and connecting to the big column tree thing (I told my cousin about the tree/pillar and they were like,, "so basically a big energy dildo in the æther?" .... I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. h e l p m e) and asking if there was any messages or advice that needed to be delivered and it was... intresting?

Things came fragmented. So there was little messages like, "Its gonna be okay" and "things are changing for everyone" and "open your eyes if you want to see" (that's sassy.) There was one particular thing that was confusing me though. Straight up it was just "flower" on repeat and like a really bad picture of a flower? Like you could tell what it was but it was bad quality. Anyway, I was like "okay. Kindly shut the fuck up. Pls." And I wrote down flower, pink flower and rose. Sooo.... idk but there you go.

More messages were things like, "the block isn't in your head", "try calling forth that which you seek" and... February. Possibly there is specific (very very very loose) connection to the 10th-19th? I'm not to sure what or why but I'd say maybe look out for opportunities on these days and also maybe external events.

Continuing with dates. In the last this 21 and January 21 came up. It came up again but with 2 messages. So first, either 21st is a day where something is put into motion (possibly private or public) or announced and the second was "add them together dumbass" that's not very kind but 3. Again this has been discussed too but but but... maybe a signal of a third mixtape 👀 (not necessarily on the 21st per say but possibly in March? I'm really not sure).

Oki. I got side tracked like I always do and started thinking about tattoos and stuff and I really want koo to have a peony tattoo. I feel it in my BONES. It would suit him so well. and as I was thinking about tattoos I heard, "don't be surprised if yoongi gets/shows a tattoo this year" ??? What the fuck? I think maybe they messing with me but now I have hopes and I don't want them to be crushed and thrown to the wind :(

Back to normal stuff, "the theme is growth" I think that fits very well with the reading. "Blue might be a lucky color" self explanatory. It might be lucky. "Start practicing grounding and centering" this was LOUD. This will help you in how you react to events in the future. Really do practice this if you haven't.

This is where it gets a little weird. So, I got a message that said "start living as if you never existed." I am not a 100% sure what this means but I think I have a pretty good guess. I hate to make it sound weird like this but by sort of focusing on something that is so hard to comprehend (because our brains can't comprehend not existing very well) you kinda break the 4th wall? Like in Deadpool when he addresses the audience and is aware that he is a character played by Ryan Reynolds? anyway, focusing on something that seemingly impossible you kind of accidentally open up the floodgates for a lot of other things. I would say if you are not in the right headspace to do this don't do it but it can be a powerful way to break up the monotony of reality. The theory that everything happens simultaneously bc time isn't a linear progression events blah blah we are energy blah blah the multiverse blah blah.. Theres so so so so so so so so so much about this and how it applies to things that I could probably write you 10+ dictionaries worth of material but for the sake of simplicity and not wanting to write a novel right now, I will continue. The main lesson is to start challenging your perception of the world around you. Ask why and why and why and why. Essentially seeing cracks in the matrix. Pulling your head out of your cosmic ass, realizing that rose you're smelling is actually daffodil ect. It's not supposed to bring you fear but just kinda encouraging you to question all the things that you perceive as given truths.

I tried to make that sound cohesive but really it's such a big concept that I can't really wrap it up all nice and neat.

Oki. May and March are also important times.

Listen to your intuition and try not to take everything so seriously. I'm not saying to check out and go squat in the Himalayas but it's important to find joy in the now. Life is already tough enough so don't forget to watch a silly show that you like or change your hair to a style you've never tried, wear makeup in a very loud way. Just have fun and don't worry so much about things that you can't control. Listen to yourself and your intuition.

Well that was all over the place. Let's get on to the actual tarot part now.

For the record, the pictures are right to left.

January for the collective

We have the empress, the sun, 7 of swords and a fortune that says "act well your part; there the honor lies"

Hmm. Ngl I was a little confused to see the empress and the sun for January... I mean it hasn't been great. So I pulled clarity card 7 of swords. The 7 of swords is all about betrayal. It's about the deception and and actively getting away with things. This is people lying, cheating, sneaking and the works.

This makes much more sense!! The Sun card is usually about joy and success and happiness but in this case I see it as illuminating the betrayal. It's shining light on the deception and keeps the spotlight there. Its also an energetic card so I think that shows passion for uncovering the truth.

With the empress card too I think January is all about getting creative in all forms. Creative ways to protest, to mourn, to celebrate, to connect. Also taking in the abundance that we DO have. The beauty that surrounds us. I like to think of aphrodite energy for this. Its not just love and passion and creativity but is also asserting yourself and having strong passion for what you love and fighting for it. Did you know aphrodite was also called upon in ancient Greece in times of war? She was honored as a goddess of war but still a goddess of love, the sea, fertility ect. What I'm trying to say is that being a creative and "feminine" energy is in no way weak. Sometimes the most powerful things come from this energy. Love aggressively with good intentions. The point is that you should take whatever you're feeling and translate it into something creative or something you care about. The fact that covid is still a thing really sucks but take any rage, hurt, sadness, joy, love whatever and use that shit to make something amazing. Bake bread and punch the fuck out of it, paint your frustration, play hopscotch in higheels while you listen to heavy metal. You get the point.

Now January for BTS!!

We have the death card. (I only pulled one card bc I have things planned from this)

January has been... strange? To say the least.

This card can be a lot of things for them. I think this points to more maturity in their music? Like they've finally ditched the "shiny kpop boy band" label and are being taken seriously in the west. I also think that they're going through a musical/concept transformation~ I think it also signified the change in plans bc of the Grammys perhaps they had things planned an that fell through so they were forced to rapidly change plan/course.

For January: possible mixtape or announcement.

February for the collective

We have 8 of coins reverse and hanged man reverse.

The 8 of pentacles reverse talks a lot about self improvement. Doing that good good inner work and self care. Working on developing parts of you that you've maybe neglected. It's also learning how to work with how you are instead of wishing you weren't the way you are. If you have a therapist its a great time to maybe ask for any extra tips that you can practice daily to help you even more. Maybe exploring more into insecurities relating to finance or jobs or your passions. If you don't have a therapist but you have the means to get one I always highly recommend. You don't have to have "problems" to see a therapist. Everyone could use a non biased point of view that is literally trained to help you be you best self. If you can't get therapy, I get it. Shits tough rn but there's still things we can do to better ourselves like Journaling and reading therapy blogs or self help books (not the taky shit) or trying a hobby you fell out of touch with. There's also a lot of places where you can get therapy promise on the internet. Most importantly, better yourself in the way that you need. Take time in February to take notice of what you want to improve upon. The 8 of coins reversed does come with the warning not to get stuck in perfectionism. Go easy on yourself and if you find yourself getting frustrated when working on projects, try to take a step back and practice whatever it is in a fun way and then come back to it later

Hanged man reverse talks about knowing that you need to chill but you don't. You'll need too. Maybe you'll find yourself swept up in work and tasks and you're over whelmed and know you need to stop and catch your breath but you resist. Why? Well, perhaps you're trying to ignore reality by filling the empty spaces with things and stuff so you don't have to face what's bothering you. Not wise. Take time for yourself. There's also the flips side where people are just kinda stuck.. creative block. Maybe you want something to turn out one way and it just isn't, so your stuck and frustrated and can't move past it. Let go of your expectation of how it should be and let it be what it is. Go with the flow and maybe you'll see a new way to overcome your problem. You'll eventually get that break through that you need! The theme of February is about self improvement. Listen to yourself.

February for BTS

We have judgment.

Hehe yeah. This card is about rebirth and the inner calling. Letting go of the old to step into the new version of you. This is also a very spiritual card lol. This can talk about a new decision that you have to trust your gut on. This is a very significant card that screams comeback to me. It also can talk about sharing your struggles with a group of people and that to me sounds comeback ish. Maybe this will be an announcement in February, maybe they'll be working on it idk but this is ultimate comeback energy so I hope they utilize this for a big group project!!

February: possible BTS comeback (even my pendulum knows)

March for the collective

The chariot and justice

This plays directly off of February! With the chariot you're taking the self improvement that you've done and putting it to action! Now is the time to act on the dreams and passions that you have don't wait and hope for the best. March is about action and standing in your power.

Justice card is cause and effect and truth. What you do will have consequences good or bad. Not doing anything also has consequences. Cease the moment and make the best of it. You'll be taking responsibility for what you do. You start a business? Now you have the responsibility of running it and you get the credit. Stuff like that. Stand by your decisions with conviction and trust yourself.

There's also the side of justice that talks about bringing justice. If you've been wronged, you'll be brought justice if you stand up for yourself.

We also carry the continuous lesson of learning what we truly believe and challenge those beliefs!

March for BTS

Oki we have the hermit and the 6 of pentacles reverse.

Well... let's start with the 6 of pentacles reverse. This can really talk about being so generous and giving to everyone else that you forget about yourself. I think that maybe they might be over exerting themselves and giving so much that they're exhausted physically and emotionally as well. I think too, they take on so much of our pain like its their own? Idk but this would be a good time to do a large scale fan project to show them a little extra love!

With the hermit card it talks about a self introspection so they could be looking inward as a team and kinda evaluating their bond.

I also see this as maybe being alone as in they maybe can't physically go to the grammys? Or maybe they had been planning the rescheduled concerts and they had to be pushed back even further? Things like that. Regardless this signals re thinking/reevaluating the goals that they have and considering what direction to go in!

March: possible mixtape or solo project?

April for the collective

We have 6 of coins and 3 of cups reverse.

Let's start with the 6 of coins. It's about sharing. It can be about charity so sharing money via donation but also giving time, effort, energy to people as well. Giving knowledge is good too! It's an all round exchange. Maybe someone lends you money or you lend money to someone. It's give and take. It's a two way street. It's also a card of balanced finance. So money stuff should be looking promising around this time (for you U.S people this could point to more stimulus help as well)

And for the 3 of cups reversed... I see this as reopening of places and people struggling to find the balance. So think people who've been in lockdown celebrating by throwing a big party... yikes. This card reminds that we should be mindful of the long-term consequences that come with our actions.. maybe also people that are experiencing fear of being in public places now. This is only one facet though. Bc I think this also means in general, missing being with friends and having a renewed relationship because you've really realized how important it is to have these people that mean so much to you in your life. Don't forget that you have people that love you and want the best for you. Call them when you feel alone.

April for BTS

The heirophant

Mhmm. This one kinda gives me vibes that they'll be mentoring people? Idk but I see them more as the heirophant teaching what they've learned/ know to help guide others. HOWEVER this could also be them taking a new task under their belt. Learning something new. Since this is as a group reading I assume that this talks about the group as a whole. This card is also very tradition oriented so maybe they are taking lessons that are connected to traditional Korean culture? Maybe its for RUN or maybe its to incorporate into music and preformance. Think bts mma preformance but all of them learning together? Idk, it's just a thought (maybe wishful thinking). It also talks about seeking counseling so maybe they'll do yoongis idea from the most recent RUN.

This can also be them embracing this kind of leadership/ status.

April: I got nothing. It does feel like something though

May for the collective

Five of cups and queen of cups reversed

Five of cups is disappointment, regret and self pity. Now honestly this to me looks like possibly a tightening of restrictions yet again. Regardless of the situation that this is talking about, the best thing you can do is not wallow in the bullshit. You scrape yourself off the pavement and move foward. You'll need forgiveness of yourself and others and that if shit isn't going your way, you need to pull your head out of your ass and look around bc there's options out there. It's like drowning in a kiddie pool. Just stand up, dude. The water is like 5 inches.

Queen of cups reversed talks about self love and self care. It's more of that look inwards energy. Think about really taking care of yourself. May might be emotionally draining so you need to be ready to take care of you! Part of self care is making sure that your boundaries are well enforced.

Be on the look out for codependent behaviors. Check in with yourself.

The queen of cups is very intuitive and having it in reverse can talk about you not taking enough time to listen to it. Make an effort to meditate for like 5 minutes a day at least. Do something to let yourself connect to your intuition and higher self.

May for BTS

9 of pentacles

This about enjoying the fruits of your labor and absolute abundance and luxury. This could talk about them rolling in the dough after signing a new partnership or having a concert or something if the sort. This could also be a time where we see them buying new things like houses, cars and rings (lol) but also this could be them doing a very high production value project! Also namjoon and his bonsai army are thriving in this time!

May: possible concert or scheduled concert event. Activity of some kind.

Yoongi interlude

I asked for one card to give me an idea of what the mystical May 13th really is. I got: the star, 2 of cups, 4 of wands, the world and the sun.

Guys. I can't with this. 2 of cups is a card of union, romance, soulmate. 4 of wands is celebration, joy, homecoming, bliss. The world is completion and the sun is happiness, joy, marriage, enlightenment.

I've said it a billion times but that's some soulmate shit. So soft so cute and May will be eventful for his personal life.

June for the collective

Death and the heirophant reversed.

Wow wow wow death is transformation and a new chapter so a new way of life and something new/ different that changes how we see things. Again this could be relating to new covid things and new policies and stuff like that but also new as in new to all of us. Groundbreaking perhaps?

The heirophant reversed talks about teaching yourself. Being your own teacher and making your own path. This might be spiritual or otherwise. Challange what the world wants from you and instead listen to what you truly want bc you don't need anyone's approval. Continue to ask questions about why things are the way that they are.

June for BTS

Page of pentacles

Oki oki page of pentacles means a new creative venture and manifestation. Maybe something that they've been wanting for a while finally comes to fruition. This might be the start of a new project that they haven't done before or something cross genre? Idk but its a really good sign of being motivated for a new endeavor and manifesting any projects that they've ever wanted to do. Love this promising energy!!

June: idk

July for the collective

10 of swords and 9 of cups reversed.

10 of swords signals a painful ending. Also deceit. Its a necessary end to a long battle. The only thing you can do is control how you react in these situations. You just kinda gotta surrender into the pain and know that it's temporary. Take time to reflect on what happened and why and how it will help you grow.

The 9 of cups reversed talks about valuing stuff and material things over emotions and spiritual things. This can be talking about society in general, that we are becoming more aware to the fact that there is often more value placed on ephemeral items rather than humanity as a whole. This also can be talking about coming to the realization that we've been working so hard towards... something we don't really care about simply because we were told that it's what you do.

If you want something different to happen you have to put in effort. You can't be sitting in front of a water fountain being like, "damn. I'm thirsty. I really really want water so why isn't it in my mouth yet?" Like?? Hello? You have to take the first step, my dude.

Certainly don't try to do anything that would cost you finatial security or health.

You have the potential to find happiness within yourself. So try looking inside instead of looking outward.

July for BTS

4 of swords.

This is about rest and relaxation!

Taking time to meditate and take some time to look at what you've done objectively. Ots like the hermit in a way but much more focused on resting and relaxing so you can come back stronger and with better direction. Maybe they'll take a break for a couple days but I really see it as them reassessing options. Especially if July goes how I think it will. Maybe they'll film something like In The Soop again? Maybe we'll see bon voyage type thing? Idk. But it could be something kinda out of the spotlight? Maybe something more healing?

July: maybe something?? I'm not sure but it seems like something might be in store.

August for the collective

5 of coins and the wheel of fortune

Well let's see. 5 of pentacles talks about isolation and a negative mindset. This talks about falling on hard times but its a temporary set back. This energy can be talking about falling on hard times emotionally as well. In the card it shows a woman outside of a church shivering and cold but she's too busy thinking about all that she's lost that she doesn't notice the warm church that she could step into for shelter.

But then with he wheel of fortune that talks about fate/destiny, opportunity and luck so maybe this is a necessary loss so that a new door can open. This does kinda tie in with July as well. The end of something is painful but it's often a necessary thing. Might be a bit uncomfy but that's how things change. Again I see this maybe hinting more towards society but none the less it's definitely a theme for August to have doors closing and new ones opening so be on the lookout for that.

August for BTS

The devil.

Now don't fret. The devil talks a lot about choice. Most notably the choice between instant gratification and and something more substantial and the devil leans towards indulgence. It also has a lot to do with the shadow side. This could talk about ~scandal~ sure, but I think its more of a time where you become aware of negative patterns and you shine a light on that part you've ignored. On a much lighter note this card talks also about an incredible bond between people. It can be unhealthy if not given space or boundaries. Listen to pied piper and come back to me.

I also REALLY REALLY REALLY hope that this card points to this: sexuality. The boys have always been pretty pg when it comes to the topic of sex and embracing sexuality so I really do hope to see something more daring and grown up and exploring a tastefully sexy concept. On the same vain as sexuality this card also talks about kinks and stuff like that so don't be surprised if we get more outfits like fake love Era bondage harnesses.

August: ???

September for the collective

We have the world and 10 of wands reversed.

The 10 of wands reversed talks about carrying burden. Doing extra work and taking on more responsibility. Doing everything by yourself and carrying this heavy load alone will get you burnt out quicker than anything. You might be taking on too much and you'll need to prioritize what you really need to focus on. I also think there will just be a lot happening in September for a lot of people. It's a lot of working hard because you know it's good work or because it's what's right. This could be social responsibility that's placed on you or work responsibility. For whatever reason this burden isn't something you want to share with others because you think its yours alone to deal with. It's not though bc you'll figure out eventually that if it hurts so much you'll find a way to lessen the burden. 10 in tarot is all about the completion of a cycle and going through the wands cycle is hard work because for anything to be made of passion, you need to put the work behind it. The burden isn't forever, the heavy work load will lighten but this is you seeing things out. It's a good thing!

Especially considering this is paired with with world. The world is all about completion and that's what you're doing here is finding completion. You are seeing things out until the end but you just need to learn to give up some responsibility, lessen your burden.

This also talks about hard work being put into wider social spheres as well. Things like the vaccines becoming more widespread through the whole globe or at least better planing and infrastructures not related to covid. Things are looking up!

September for BTS

Knight of swords reverse

This bad boi is restless energy. It's being so pent up that you're ready to burst and you really want to take action but you can't because something is keeping you from taking that action. Again I do think this is kinda covid related in regards to touring bc if they do tour in 2021 its gonna look a lot different. This energy can be a bit impulsive and directionless so I think maybe they'll channel this into album material something? I'm not really sure tbh. I'm suprised this energy didn't show up earlier because it almost seems inevitable.

September: no clue

October for the collective

Ten of coins and the star reverse.

Welp let's start with the 10 of coins. Its about wealth, financial security, and long term success so this is a pretty prosperous time. This talks about the obvious monetary wealth and material wealth but also an abundance of opportunities. So this is definitely a good time to enjoy whatever consistency you have. This energy is really really abundant in the career space as well. So October could be very prosperous in the job field and you'll have likely found what it is you really want and could be successful at. This could be the actual act or just the idea. This is could also talk about investing in something for your future, this could be time or money.

With the star reversed it can talk about a loss of faith and a disconnection. This often points to feeling like you've just been forgotten or left out. Like the universe doesn't give a shit about you and left you out to die. Things might seem unfair but always try to look for the lesson that you can take from the experience. Seeing the 10 of coins and the star makes me think that a lot of people have kinda lost faith in their manifestations and also just in the concept of not living in a state of need. Especially if you see other people doing well and you've been trying so fucking hard but you haven't gotten a break. I know we hate to hear it but this can serve as a test of faith. Or rather an opportunity to get your shit in line and take a second to breath. Do something good for yourself and then continue on. This star in reverse serves to show you what no longer sparks joy and helps you find what does and what that initial spark was in the first place. Helps you get back to the original vision/ spark.

October for BTS

5 of pentacles reverse.

This signals the end of difficult times and getting that groove back. The last month was restless energy with no where to go but this month that energy is certainly put to good use. They might be figuring out what has been missing In their lives and starting to rectify that. They are definitely reminded that material wealth doesn't bring spiritual or emotional wealth. Might be also feeling a bit alienated too.

October: something is likely but idk

November for collective

Six of swords reversed and the moon.

Transition and change is prevalent. The 6 of swords is about leaving behind the familiar. Maune this is leaving a job, a new change in the status quo, leaving a relationship ect. The thing you have to keep in mind is just how amazing this is in terms of what it will do. It will alow growth!! And bring clarity!! Thos can also be societal as well, something being left behind in favor of something new. It's letting go and reflecting so that you can move foward.

This is strengthened by the moon card. The moon card is the subconscious and all the things that come with it. The anxiety, the illusion, the uncertainty. You'll want to deal with whatever emotions come up. The moon can signify a confusing time where things aren't what they seem to be. That's the illusions so you'll have rely more on intuition at a time like this. Your dreams might hold significance in this time as well. Listen to your guides and your own guidance because it will help you understand more than you did before this journey began. Using moon cycles to your advantage in November might really help you!!

November for BTS

7 of wands

Challenge and competition. People are envious of bts. We know this. But people will be challenging them for what they've gained: music industry domination. This might co.e in the way that people will spread vicious rumors in attempt to disenfanchise or possibly it will be a fair fight. It could also be a challenge/ battle for some other aspect that involves legal matters.

My best guess though is good old competition. Bts has proven again and again that they will continue to do what they do how they do but they will not be trampled over. In the best way this could renew some of that spirit in friendly competition. They will tear eachothers throats out for a pack of ramen so maybe a bit of competition will be good for them. It keeps life intresting.

November: nothin

December for the collective

Two of cups and the emperor!

Let's start off with the emperor card talks about stability and order. It can also signify being the "breadwinner" so its a good sign that you'll kinda be on top of your shit. The emperor is also an amazing leader so you might find yourself taking on a leadership role too! This is very organized energy that works very smoothly!

two of cups is such a lovely way to end out the year! It's love and partnership and attraction so if you aren't in a relationship by this time you might meet someone who strikes your fancy!! On a none romantic relationship note though, this card is also great for business partnership bc it signifies that you're on the same page and have the same goals in mind!

It's harmonious relationships and trust between them!! Love love love this energy so much! Cups are the suit of emotions and this card is so promising.

If you are in a relationship, this can talk about "falling in love all over again" like you're just reminded of how good they are.

December for BTS

Queen of cups

Intuition, creativity and emotional stability. They're using intuition to guide their moves foward with emotional maturity. They are in a place of knowing what they want and why. This would be a good time to work on an album or a book or to release them. The queen of cups is like the friend that you can tell absolutely anything and somehow they have a helpful answer. This card is really calm and it can also talk about subconscious thoughts.

I think that bts is maybe making more of a conscious effort to make sure that what they do is just as emotionally fulfilling for them as it is for us! They might be kinda pondering the future at this time and considering if this is what fills their emotional cup!

December: possibly a thing?

Now these cards are the vibe of the year and some advice.

For the collective (on the left)

Three of swords and judgment reverse.

The fortune says "accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory"

The 3 of swords is about disappointment and hurt and heartbreak. It's about the emotional release that we all need when shit gets tough. Don't pretend to be strong. If you need to cry, fucking cry. This year is about letting go of expectations and do what you have to do to release so you can move foward and not have these things pile up.

You have to make an effort to not let yourself take on what other people think of you. You aren't defined by what some asshole says. You define yourself.

Judgment reverse is about self doubt and ignoring your path. It's being stagnant and being harsh on yourself. This year has a focus on building yourself up and noticing when you are not. Bring light to the things that are holding you back without harsh judgment for yourself. You can't beat yourself up. If you make a bad decision you know not to make it again. Take accountability and move on.

The oracle card is inner temple.

Seriously all the focus of this year is in self improvement and dear god, please take time to work on yourself spiritually!!! Everything you want to know is there if you take the time to listen. This should be a place where you feel safe and welcome. It definitely should not feel like something you HAVE to do.

For BTS

10 of swords and page of swords

The fortune says "you create your own stage. The audience is waiting" (how tje fuck?? This is the perfect fortune)

The 10 of swords is a painful but necessary end. This is accepting the current situation. They maintain focus for 2021 for them is adapting and keeping their spirits up.

With the page of swords it talks about new ideas and that kind of creativity. It's also a lot about communication so I really think that they'll be figuring out new ways to connect and new projects that will be prosperous.

The oracle card is Pleiades

This is what we talk about all the time. Bts has helped so many people want to be better and do better. They are uplifting humanity and giving people a sense if belonging. Bts finds you when you need them most 💜💜💜

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Wow I had to write this up over 2 days bc this was so fucking long. I need a nap. Idk if I'll proof read this before I post it so don't hate me for the mistakes (honestly, there's like 10,000 spelling and grammar mistakes in my other posts too 🙃)

I hope you guys enjoyed it and maybe this will be helpful to to have a forecast of some possible energy for you to look out for!!

Also bts bc I love them. I have another bts 2021 reading I'll do soon too!

Hope you guys are happy and well 💜

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power-chords · 3 years

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Post-trip round-up, integration, thoughts (cut for length & some Heavy Shit)

WOW I needed that and I am so glad I realized I needed that. It has been well over ten years since I last took LSD, and my reluctance to indulge in psychedelics again was rooted in a long and complicated history that I don't really need to hash out here, but doing a mild dose of mushrooms last weekend gave me the confidence and conviction that I was ready.

Would it have been wiser to take a less bonkers dose for the first time in a decade plus? Probably! Do I regret a single moment of it? Not a whit! It's tough to overstate just how powerful, therapeutic, and restorative a good acid trip is, even an occasionally intense, uncomfortable one. I do not recommend eating multiple tabs of extremely good blotter on your first rodeo, but Adam's even more of a veteran psychonaut than I am, so I was 1000% well cared for, totally safe, and in a comfortable, familiar environment. In that setting, and in a positive frame of mind, acid is not going to throw anything at you that you are not equipped to handle. I would love to make this an annual or biannual thing.

The cool, funny, wacky delightful stuff:

Put it under my tongue at 10 AM-ish. Went to go listen to some music and doodle until it kicked in. I forgot that the come-up is like, do not make any fucking plans involving hand-eye coordination LMAO. I was trying to doodle Bowery Ballroom in an old sketchbook, and that devolved quickly. The markers were old so some of the caps were really stuck on there, and I wound up devolving into fits of laughter from the absurdity of pulling the caps off with my teeth.

Ink stains on my hands started writhing and trailing and were very cool. That was the first thing I noticed. I got very sad that I stopped drawing and making art, which was something I did all my life and almost went to school for but stopped doing as an adult. And then I realized I could start drawing again any time if I wanted to, and I didn't have to be GOOD at it or a proper artist for it to be worthwhile and fun. Felt immediately happy again.

Adam decided to watch Lethal Weapon???? I was like, Don't Like That. Even though he had headphones on and I couldn't hear anything. I am ambivalent about screens at best when I'm tripping, and at worst I don't even want to be in the same room with them. Guns and violence seemed comically, brutally stupid. Turned my back to the TV and continued drawing and writing until I could no longer hold a pen. Eventually Adam got on my wavelength and was like yeah, this is too much! (He took like, twice the dose that I did. I have no idea how he was even able to talk to me, but he managed!)

Felt the need to message Liana while peaking, picked up my phone, and saw that she had already sent me this:

I thought that was HILARIOUS (tbh it actually was, and it was not just the acid talking)

For the first few hours of teeth-grinding, reality-shearing intensity, Adam and I mostly lounged in bed with the shades pulled all the way up and the window open, cuddling and petting Ernie. Fantastic bonding experience for the whole fam.

Looking at every surface in the apartment became like looking at a stained glass ceiling, or an infinite mandala, or the muddied rainbows in oil-slicked puddles. It looked like Ernie's fur was breathing and someone had colored all over the white parts of him with a highlighter. Adam agreed with this assessment. Formica on the kitchen counters was bananas. So were the trees outside, rippling like celluloid and brighter green than I had ever seen them.

The two of us spent a good 15 minutes doubled over with laughter because Adam suggested a contraption for funneling Fancy Feast directly into Ernie's mouth, kind of like shotgunning a beer

Adam: "I can't believe I used to to this and get on the subway and try to do things with people." Me: "What? How did you even figure out how to get from Point A to Point B?" Adam: "I mean, we didn't, really. We usually got lost. It was fine, though." Truly, it's about the friends you make along the way!

The second half of the trip, when things are starting to mellow out a bit, is when you become a real rock star. I went outside for a walk around the neighborhood, and to sit in the park with my headphones on while watching kids play on the playground, and it was ECSTATIC. I was just overjoyed. My face still hurts from smiling.

Forgot that I needed money to realize my goal of obtaining a popsicle, so I had to detour back into the apartment and explain all of this to my husband before resuming the popsicle quest. He thought it was very funny, but sympathized.

Fresh air, popsicles and San Pellegrino on acid. On another level! 100/10.

Bathrooms still universally suck, LOL. -10/10. Not a fan of that bathroom while tripping face! Every time I had to pee it was like WELL here we go again into the Pink Squirming Hell Chamber (I am making this sound like more of a big deal than it actually was)

15 HOURS. 15 HOURS Jesus Christ lmao I did not stop seeing weird shit on screens and surfaces until like 1 AM. And even then, if I stared long enough, funky colors and patterns would re-emerge. It's a commitment. I feel happy and refreshed, but also totally exhausted. Definitely have to budget a full weekend of No Plans for any future trips.

The Heavy Shit:

There is some Cronenberg-level body horror right before the visuals get super rainbow-stained and stereotypically psychedelic, which sounds bad, but I promise it isn't. It's watching the veins pulse under your skin and change into very saturated colors, pores and hair and scars become very defined and wiggly, and as someone who has so much bodily anxiety related to my alopecia/IBS, it was weirdly... freeing? You get to experience all this stuff in an entirely new frame of mind, shedding judgment and old thought ruts. I remember thinking, "I do not need to feel shame about my body," and letting go of so much baggage.

At some point mid-afternoon I decided to retrieve my phone from the drawer again, and saw that I had a missed call and a voicemail from my dad. I decided to play it back, and he was just phoning to tell me that he was listening to a live version of "Sally Simpson" and Keith was doing this thing where he wasn't even touching the cymbals, and had I listened to that specific performance before and noticed the same thing, and wasn't he truly the greatest drummer that ever lived? "Anyway, no need to call me back, just wanted to let you know. I love my bubbie!" (His term of endearment for me.) And I went to go sit in bed and weep for a straight 15 minutes, the most cleansing, purging cry you could possibly imagine, while Adam hugged me and rubbed my back. I was overwhelmed, overcome by this feeling of cosmic Love and Connection with my family and my husband and all of my friends.

I had been sitting on and burying so much fear and distress from the past 18 months, the chronic, low-grade trauma that was worrying if COVID was going to kill my father, my best friend and closest confidante and the one person on earth who I feel truly Gets Me on a spiritual level, and all of that came out. Fully processed and released every ounce of grief. What replaced it was the absolute, unshakable faith that no matter what happens — including my greatest fear, which is inevitable, no matter how far off it may be — he will always be with me, and a part of me, in the music we both love, and I will never, ever lose that.

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lowkeyed1 · 2 years

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okay so, i'm upset over something my dad posted on facebook. which is funny, because nearly literally everything my dad posts on facebook is upsetting. he thinks trump hate was manufactured by the media and the election was stolen in some nebulous way he can't define, and that liberals want to destroy everything, etc etc. he used to be a more sane conservative, but i think he tuned into a lot of right wing talk radio while driving as a long distance trucker and it basically poisoned his brain. he liked what he heard and he went with it. i've tried to talk to him over the last 10 years or so about his growing right wing idiocy and it's been completely fruitless, and i finally had to excuse myself from giving a shit for a while. i've reassured myself that at least he isn't stupid about covid, at least he isn't stupid about abortion rights, at least he isn't (very) racist, at least he isn't stupid about gay stuff. i never heard him say homophobic stuff growing up, i came out as bi at 18 and he was supportive, i came out as nonbinary a couple years ago and he was supportive. my mom FOUNDED a gay group at the college she taught at, and befriended a lot of students, including a trans student that she helped get away from their abusive family of origin. and he never said a word against any of that stuff. BUT he acts the fool on facebook. constantly. well, when he's not banned, which he seems to feel is a bragging point when he is. he knows my sister and i disagree with him on everything and don't want to hear it any more, so we hardly ever hear any shit out of him in person. but i check his facebook about once a month to make sure he hasn't fallen into a deeper rabbit hole than the usual run of the mill right wing out of touch with reality idiocy. and on this monthly check, i saw a lovely post where he referred to biden's 'surgeon general' (sec. of health and human services actually) dr. admiral rachel levine, as "a man pretending to be a woman". and i find all his hateful, stupid political posturing disappointing in general but that stung my ass on another level. and i literally know he's a 70 year old idiot who loves nothing better than showing his ass and upsetting people but jesus. and i commented (i NEVER comment, we aren't even facebook friends) that this was his space to share what he thinks and god bless even if i usually disagree, but that was hurtful and i was sorry to hear he felt that way. and i guess that made it pop up on my mom's feed because she agreed and said she hoped none of her trans friends could see it. so hopefully she's giving him an earful about where he's gone wrong in life. shit, she married him... that's her problem for the most part. so i don't know. i know this isn't a novel and unique experience. plenty of people find out their parents are shitty in some way and get disappointed and have to figure out how they want to handle it. i still have a hard time reconciling this disappointing person with the dad who lives in my head, even though i've known since i was a teenager that he was kind of off when it comes to stuff like this. but i'd already planned to visit them this weekend and it's hard to think of looking him in the eye and not just... shaking my head sadly, lol. what the fuck.

#rambling because i can #fucking guy

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forzafinally · 3 years

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I'm a different anon and you can not post this if you don't want to.

Frankly this last year I've been getting annoyed with Harry because it just seems it's constantly one "bad choice" after the another. It's not a thing about pedastal because I don't put people in my real life whom I know on a pedastal so I'm definitely not gonna do it for a stranger because in my experience everyone is grey and not black and white

But with him jumping countries in middle of a pandemic ( and It's not like the whole of celebrity class was doing it. Many were BUT many did take a conscious decision to stay home. So no it was not all celebrities ) to doing my policeman signed at the same time of the BLM posts of his to breaking covid norms multiple times to being mum about the tickets people payed for because the tour is not happening rn the August shows aren't happening he isn't practicing with his band. They are all at different places to this new scandal ( even though it's his personal life but still it seems like a pattern in his behaviour ). And about music and fashion....I don't think we're getting music for a years and he's been a Gucci manequin for a while the fashion he had was all left in hs1 era

Idk it just seems like he's so out in touch with reality that I can't even enjoy his content because lately every single thing has been just a big flag about how out of it he really is.

I'm putting my answer below the cut so that I don't spam the dash

Your points are valid. Funnily enough the breaking point so to speak for me, was the covid merch he was selling in April last year. At that time I had just started working in the covid wards in my hospital and it was a mentally exhausting experience for me to see so much death for the first time in my life as a 23 year old. And then this rich white man drops a t-shirt saying "this t-shirt fights covid 19"??? The sheer audacity of it baffled me. It was one of the few times I've genuinely seen red because you're actually profiting off a worldwide pandemic. What the hell were you thinking.

Apart from my personal feelings regarding the matter many people had lost their jobs at the time and it was so callous to drop new merch then. Ofc you can argue that no one is obligated to buy merch. But I mean we all know how stan culture works don't we. Also Harries were dragging Louis for dropping merch just a couple of weeks before but suddenly it was radio silence all around because it was Harry dropping merch so it was apparently okay.

It did put me off the fandom for a long time yk but that's also probably why I'm so desensitized to what he does regarding his pandemic travels and the my policeman movie or even the way he hasn't given you guys a proper update about tour because he's living in a different reality than we are(see : not having to worry about money or racism).

Ofc everyone has a different limit. I chose to stay for my reasons. You are valid if you choose to leave for your own. There's no right or wrong answer. But whatever you decide to do I support you because unless you really go out of your way to block things out it's very easy to get bitter with the whole thing and at the end of the day your happiness is what should matter for you more than any celebrity

#asks #anonymous #fandom discourse #long post

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greaterlandscapes · 3 years

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My Dean Blunt Rotation aka High Fidelity Left A Bad Taste in My Mouth

For the past 2 to 3 months, my listening habits were teetering to an end; mostly via burnout by spontaneously listening to local artists daily and less likely of a musical discovery drought, whereas my interests of a certain artist or genre hasn't found its, sort of, "eureka", moment per se. I've been feeling less enthusiastic over the things i listen to since my friends have gradually lost their flare when it comes to discovering/exploring untapped parts of the music realm. Thus, in return, my enthusiasm not being reciprocated. It leaves an empty feeling from someone who has been yearning social interaction, may it be media being latched on the topic - it's a feeling that's been guilt-tripping me ever since I was stranded in the other end of the metro. I feel closed off, exposed to the crippling loneliness the lockdown has punished us: a defacto solitary confinement in a national level. Our act of staying online is also an act of staying alive outside.

To be fair though, it's a valid move to not boomerang compliments/gripes over an art you haven't consumed due to someone's autonomy. Your able body being to consume the art you wish to finish with free time is a luxury in of itself. The art is then failed to serve its purpose to reach its goal: You have squiggly lines heading straight to oblivion rather than swirling in the earlobes of a wandering cyber nomad. We, eventually, need to find something that could help us exit, rather than escape, from capital. We, in return, do not shut ourselves from the outside. Instead, we then tend to avoid the stress of protocols and outdoor fascism; Not avoid the indoor liberalism that is eating us alive and online. It's a capital punishment we never knew we signed up for ever since the onslaught of the virus and the state. Art for art's sake is nonexistent now, always has been, it seizes to ever since we went inside. Feeding off of a holographic meatloaf coming from a glowing screen. We have a real-life Karen acting as a nightlight in our rooms.

The COVID lockdown made us listen to music — both for better, for worse. For one, it made us pass most days. You could say the same for any sort of media: film, mixed media art, or whatever pre-Covid activity that sprung up during our time in isolation. For music, however, there was an uptick of new listeners that made others Wheel-of-Fortune the fuck out of their music discoveries in sites like RateYourMusic, Bandcamp, or even Sophie's Floorboard. We've continued to expand and became more open change of opinions and be less of a jackass towards someone else's opinions. On second thought, our opinions have been catalogued, leaving more notes than actual footprints of our previous listens. Our new discoveries made new bands and re-emerging bands, bands who faded to obscurity, crawl back in the surface with newfound interest from younger listeners (ie Panchiko, Jai Paul, and Dean Blunt) and this glowing, previously unseen and unexpected overwhelming support from fans of departed artists (ie SOPHIE, MF DOOM)

For the other, we've hogged gratuitous amounts of media, resulting into losing our primary direction as to how we want to consume our media based on the preconceived notions of what we want in our art. There is goodness in becoming directionless when you think about it, but there comes a cost to our identity as music listeners. Instead, we end up widening our tangents, falling in endless rabbit holes, having zero chances to emerge from the surface. In fact, i refuse to call it a "rabbit hole" instead i'd rather call it a "pipeline" of sorts — transitioning casual music fans into a full on, different, unique versions of themselves that would define them when laws and protocols have eased in the outside world. Our act of staying online has either made most of us break our character or enliven our past selves. The music pipeline is now more apparent, stretching the norms of what was once alienated by a silent majority, but now accepted as an acceptable form of expression. The more music we are exposed to has made casual listeners stranged out or react in ways that our personality have betrayed us or deemed not as acceptable to them. Still, not changing anything that was prominent pre-pandemic. Liberal cop behavior is stronger, now more dangerous than it ever was once perceived by the outside world.

HIGH FIDELITY? NO, THANK YOU.

Imagine a situation inside of a record, pre-pandemic of course, where you do not feel like lifting a record out from the shelf, instead, you window shop just for the sake of windowshopping. Capital and media made us think that going to record shops is a semi-productive activity. The age of discovery has died ever since High Fidelity romanticized and normalized the incelage of horny record diggers. Does this movie age well, yeah sure it does, for old 90s nerds at least. But did it translate well over in the past 20 or more years of events and tragedies that unfolded in pre-9/11 America? No it didn't. It was an age of free expression, only liberals would dream of whenever they take a sip of Guinness beer in their favorite dive bar.

Mind you, over a couple of months ago, it was my only chance in seeing why this movie was the talk of the town back when it was released. There's music, yeah, and attractive leading leadies, yeah, it has everything a 90s kid would love to salivate and drop their gonads over while they watch this movie. I obviously did not live to see the movie on opening day but i could imagine the scent that came out of that movie theater with attendees donning windbreakers and The Who shirts with popcorn dressing stains on their plastic cups. If there was a Filipino counterpart to this movie, i'd bet corporate champions Eraserheads and Rivermaya would soundtrack their music over and have either Tado or have Boy 2 Quizon, but i sense it to age like milk more than it could age like fine wine due to the senseless jokes one can execute in a Cubao or Cartimar record store.

John Cusack is obviously the incel in question here: a damaged, vengeful ex who constantly fails to live his partner's expectations and weaponizes his personality over the situations that has nothing to do with his interests. I spent the entire time being absolutely disgusted over the spineless responses of John Cusack's leading character. The movie then treads on flashbacks with John Cusack's failed relationships and what he could do to move on from each and one of them. If i could stand a SONA for 3 hours then I can't stand John Cusack being the dull entry point to incel, making more reasons why you should hate record store clerks who don't give an iota of shits to someone's inviting rapport. High Fidelity is opium for massive music circle jerks who can't take a single breathe of fresh air or a single quota of touching grass. There's more targeting weak and inferior guys and hot women who dump dumb overconfident dudebros more than the actual "music recs" in the entire movie. The more I think about this movie, the more I realize how our personality is in line towards Dick, the record store being unmercifully dunked on by the movie's two leading characters. He's an angel in the world of cynical bastards, witnessing both demons pitchforking record store customers in the ass while they're purchasing the latest Sonic Youth album.

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I believe that Jack Black, the dark horse of High Fidelity, has a pleasing personality more than an irritating demeanor due to this behavior in the record store. In fact, outside of the record store, Jack Black doesn't seem to take the business is your pleasure act pretty seriously. Unlike John Cusack's character he brought his obsession over involving a record in an important memory/point of his life. There is so much stuff that has happened outside of the record store, so much for Rolling Stone and NME being the bible of music at the time, endlessly christening and shilling artists that believe to become the second coming of the Beatles. The music references here however are treated as fluff than it is a mechanism that would drive the senseless plot forward. If anything, there are events pointed out in the event that doesn't have anything to do with the life of the characters.

If anything, this movie did a great job at capturing the feeling of music bros being dumped on the wayside by a mature set of characters and how their current conditions aren't perfumed by the studios' liking of having to Cinderella story the shit out of a bunch of normal record store owners. The reality is in the reaction of one's social capital being invaded and we're here to witness how those reactions panned out in 2021. This is a villainous depiction of music nerds being the salt of the earth, the bane of all media discussion, still reflective of the insufferable salt of cyberspace found in music forums like 4chan and RYM. High Fidelity is a pipeline of 90s musicology, a dreaded fever dream of an owner waiting for the decade to end, trends ossifying and re-emerged by the hands of nostalgia-savvy individuals. It was, at its time, every music-movie nerd's excuse equivalent of Scott Pilgrim VS. The World. There are memories worth remembering and cherishing, and this movie isn't one of them.

DEAN BLUNT, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

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In the past two weeks I've been fancying myself into sitting down and listening to different projects from the ever elusive, UK-based sound artist Dean Blunt. The first time i chanced upon his music wasn't too long ago - albeit a recent one in the time of COVID - was when I randomly stumbled upon his records at a Spotify recommendations section under John Maus (yeah lol i know the implications whenever his name is mentioned) - but then i was enamored by his online presence so quickly I put everything down and dedicated an hour or two researching about this man's music.

Other than the fact that his album "The Redeemer" wasn't the best record to start off in journeying through his discography: ending up disgusted and borderline bored even and I was more likely to lambast this record's aimless, pretentious art-pop inflections. By the end of the day, it was a preference long solidified by his undying fanbase. According to his hardcore fans, the music isn't really music, evaluating it as a free form of sound art, rather than sticking to a structured and conventional cues; the genre is nullified by most analysts of the arts. The growing interest of the general public towards Dean Blunt's pranks and antics have long appealed to my tastes as a chaotic neutral individual. Pranks that are well executed to piss off UK gallery connoisseurs and entertain ironic attendees who'd shit on the art piece rather than participate in it.

More of the resources I've found about Dean Blunt online: numerous aliases and collaborations that lasted around almost 2 decades. The most notable of all them, at least for my money, are either Hype Williams, a duo consisting of Dean and frequent collaborator Inga Copeland, and Babyfather, an art performance parodizing the pirate radio culture in the UK. I have not delved enough in Blunt's body of work to evaluate everything and what i could synthesize from it. For now, I enjoyed it as a form of entertainment. Well, color me impressed because Dean Blunt isn't clowning around, he, in fact, makes blissful and transcendental music from left to right.

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Dean Blunt was the only few artists that made me want to binge on their discography. His movements in his music has attracted this pesky listener who thinks that being mysterious is a plus. I mean, look at me who thinks The Paul Institute, Panchiko, and Burial are the greatest artists that have walked the face of the earth.

The most I've enjoyed from Dean Blunt's discography are his mixtapes and collaborations: preferably his Soul Fire and ZUSHI, both of which were packaged as B-sides or supplemental releases rather than major releases such as the Babyfather project or the Black Metal releases. His knack for blurring the lines between genres still fascinate me as of this writing, and it continues to amaze me how he doesn't seize to compromise his art, he's here to prove a point and it sells quite well despite the lack of direction in his music. Blunt's music has more aggressive and hazy texture than the hollow, wide, soulless structure of art-pop/hypnagogic pop released today. He creates terrains from the rubble of his country's current shortcomings. The music overlaps the actual intentions with abstract concepts, becoming deconstructed down the line. In Babyfather, noise music coincides with Blunt's amateurish rapping. In Black Metal, Blunt isolates himself along with the assisted skeletal guitar playing. Both projects throwing all tropes in a vaccum alongside Blunt, who he himself would sought to become a personification of a musical void.

(Excerpt from the Babyfather album review in TinyMixtapes)

Dean Blunt is an entity that wishes to become one person, but no, this isn't a figure in a specific art form; this isn't Banksy, this isn't Bob Ong, this is made by one person, clearly it is if you listen closely, and it's been entrancing me ever since his presence was felt on the horizons of the internet. Dean Blunt, what the actual fuck.

#dean blunt #high fidelity #music #film #music review #2021 #hype williams #Youtube

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