#and then trying to destroy the figurines

[salparadiselost]

Y'all. I just watched this Youtube video where a Youtuber makes 3D Printed figurines of his friends and gifted them to his friends. And now I am thinking about Bruce absolutely choosing Chaos and making 3D printed figurines of his children and giving them to them as tokens of his fatherly affection. The kids are weirded out and cannot tell whether Bruce has cracked or this is really him showing his love.

Youtube Video here, please y'all imagine the batfam getting these creepy little guys: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVa4tfzpZ90

#kay speaks #batfam #all the kids going: gee.... thanks #and then trying to destroy the figurines #jokes on them #Bruce is getting more printed

[actuallysaiyan]

hihihi!! this is for your lovely valentines day event!! i was thinking maybe SDV Sebastian tries to plan the most romantic Valentine’s Day, but everything falls through and he has to try and improvise to impress reader! it can be nsfw or sfw its totally up to you!! :)) 💕

warnings: mentions of drinking, use of vibrator, Sebastian is a nasty little thing, Robin knows y'all are gonna get nasty word count: 1.1k pairings: Sebastian x Fem!Reader summary: Valentine's Day usually sucks for Seb, and this one is no different...except he really needs it to go well despite all his plans crumbling before his eyes.

Sebastian cannot believe how terribly this is going. After all the planning he put into today, it was just all crumbling before his very eyes. He’s been pining after you ever since the spring Flower dance, and now it’s winter and it’s valentine’s day and he had everything all planned out in the best way. Yet it just wasn’t going to work out in his favor.

The secret gift he had made for you? Somehow someone got into his room and it got pushed off the shelf. So the clay figurine of your character in Solarian Chronicles is completely destroyed. He had written you a sweet song, but for the life of him, he can’t find the notebook he wrote it in. And even the gift he ordered for you online isn’t going to show up on time.

Sebastian lays on his bed, his eyes closed tight and his breathing coming in and out quickly. He’s got just a few hours to be able to improvise for you, otherwise things are going to become even more terrible. He texts Sam for advice, then he texts Abigail. They both have different ideas for what he can do to make this work, but Sebastian begins working harder. He knows he’s going to have to figure something out. So he calls up the Saloon and he begs Gus to cook him up some sort of meal for you and him. Gus decides to do this favor for Sebastian, telling him to come pick it up within the hour.

The next thing he’s planning is to make his room a little more romantic. He changes the sheets, finds a few candles to light and cleans off the table so you both can eat there. Then he goes upstairs, looking for his mother. 

Robin cheerfully helps her son plan the rest of the night sweetly. She reminds the rest of the family not to bother the happy couple, and she even gives Sebastian a bottle of champagne. He’s blushing as she hands this to him, a soft “have fun!” coming from her lips. Sebastian doesn’t even know what she’s thinking, but he knows she can probably deduce that there will be something naughty going on downstairs.

In the backyard, Seb begins picking some flowers. He doesn’t have a gift to give you, but he knows you love flowers. And once he gets a nice bouquet going, he spots Linus. The older man flashes him a soft smile, knowing that Sebastian is working his hardest to still make this a very romantic day. Despite the cold, Sebastian manages to pluck beautiful Crocus flowers and a few Holly for some balance.

Once he’s got the pretty bouquet of winter flowers, he settles them in a vase in his room. Sebastian takes a moment to look around and admire his handiwork. This bedroom was going to be the perfect setting for such a romantic evening. All that was left was for him to go pick you and the meals up. He takes the quickest shower and gets dressed in a warm hoodie and those tight jeans you love so much.

On his way to pick you up, his stomach is in knots. He’s worried you’ll be disappointed by the lack of real gifts and the way this night would go down. But when you greet him on the porch of your home, you’ve got the biggest smile on your face.

“Happy valentine’s day!” You say with a sweet kiss to his cheek.

He smiles, “Happy valentine’s day.”

You two share a sweet little kiss, and he pulls you in so close. It’s a sweet moment between two lovers, and he never wants this to end. Then he takes you by the hand and leads you towards the town center. You two stop at the Saloon to pick up the delicious dinner that Gus had prepared for you. He passes it to Sebastian, a playful wink and a glint in his eyes.

The walk back to Sebastian’s place has you so giddy. It feels like you’re floating on a cloud as you tell him about your day and he listens to you so attentively. Your heart is so full of love and happiness.  

Inside his room, he pours some champagne for you and you two sit and eat such a delectable meal. Seb presents the flowers to you, which you coo over. You sheepishly give him a cute little valentine’s card you made for him. You scratch the back of your neck nervously, telling him you’ve been busy taking care of the animals and mining lately to make him anything more than that.

He smiles softly, “It’s perfect, baby.”

After dinner, you’re both full of champagne. It bubbles inside of both of you, coursing through your veins. Sebastian has you pinned to the bed, kissing you over and over. The way he holds you and kisses you makes your head spin. He presses his knee between your thighs, smirking at the way you moan from just this.

“Would you believe that when I got up this morning,” Sebastian asks between heated kisses. “That I thought everything was fucked up?”

You giggle, “Knowing you, yeah I’m not so surprised.”

He feigns being insulted, but it fuels him even more. He begins undressing you slowly, his eyes lingering on your beautiful body. Then he begins to press soft kisses to your most sensitive spots, relishing in the way you moan and gasp just for him. It’s so intoxicating to know that you react to the way he makes you feel so good. It’s something he prides himself on, and he knows he’s not going to stop anytime soon.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he grunts as he grinds against you. “I’m kind of happy this is how this night turned out.”

You mewl, “Me too, Sebby.”

He grins mischievously before reaching over for the drawer in the bedside table. You know what he’s reaching for and it makes your heart race like crazy. The sounds of the vibrations coming from the wand vibrator make your cunt dribble even more slick. Sebastian chuckles darkly.

“Cute,” he murmurs hotly against your neck. “Just hearing this thing gets you going, yeah?”

You nod your head, making him chuckle again. Then he brings the vibrator to your aching cunt, and you cry out for him. The sounds of your cute little moans make his cock strain against the fabric of his boxers. Slowly, he lets the vibrator circle around your swollen nub. Sebastian has you exactly where he wants you.

“All mine…All mine for valentine’s day. My perfect valentine.”

#bacon.writes #Sebastian sdv x you #Sebastian sdv x reader #sdv sebastian x you #sdv sebastian x reader #sdv sebastian x farmer #sdv Sebastian smut #sdv x reader #stardew valley Sebastian x reader

[countlessimagines]

New Guy Around [ Adam Warlock x Reader ]

!!!!!! GOTG VOLUME 3 SPOILERS!!!!!

-

Summary: While helping rebuild Nowhere, you get to know the man who tried to kill your friends.

A/N: I’ve loved Will Poulter since I was 13 so of course I would fall in love with Adam Warlock <3 also my apologies for this kind of being small, my future imagines of him will definitely be longer! Enjoy for now though loves!!

MASTERLIST LINK

-

It was a normal day for you when you began to talk to Adam; wake up to little raccoons climbing all over you, eating breakfast with Rocket and Groot, and helping Drax with the kids.

It usually consisted of Drax translating what they’re saying while you tried to get them settled into new homes with people willing to take them in.

And as usual, Adam would stroll around like a lost puppy trying to figure out what to do for the day. While he made himself useful by going person to person, today he looked more confused than ever.

You still weren’t on the best terms with him, despite the rest of the guardians giving him a second chance. It didn’t help that they told you what he was trying to do before they rescued him.

With a deep sigh, you let Drax deal with the children for the day and walked over to Adam.

“Do you need something to do?” You asked him and he seemed a bit startled that you were actually talking to him.

“Uh, yes?” Adam said and immediately began to follow behind you as you made your way to your small apartment. It had been destroyed pretty badly in the fight, and you could use all the help you could get into repairing it back to normal.

While your place was livable, it still needed something to make it more of a home.

You let Adam in and instructed him on fixing one of the walls with many holes in it. He got right to work and was pretty silent the whole time. Meanwhile, you straightened up your work desk littered with plants, pots, soil, and little figurines you built for the children.

“Can I ask you a question?” Adam said, taking you out from your little flow of organizing.

You hummed a yes and waited for whatever question he was going to say. You honestly weren’t in the mood for a conversation, though.

“For all those plants on your desk, you sure don’t decorate this place enough.”

You turned sharply to him, wondering why it was relevant to ask such a thing. “Maybe if the people you had been working for hadn’t ruined my place, I would be able to put things up by now. But no, I have to fix it first.”

“All I’m saying is a flower on your table would suffice.” Adam shrugged and began to work again.

You rolled your eyes and continued to replant some of the white flowers you knew Groot loved. “If you must know I gift these flowers to people I care about.”

Adam stood up from the ground and walked over to your desk. “Will I get one of them?” He was teasing you with a smile and a question you knew was a joke.

“Maybe one day if you don’t mess it up for yourself,” you said and glanced up at him. He was significantly taller than you, and it wasn’t until now that you noticed how close he was. “And maybe, just maybe if I forgive you for trying to kill my friends.”

Adam nodded and promptly began to work again. “I will win you over.”

-

Then it became normal for Adam to arrive every morning at your door to help repair the rest of your apartment.

While he worked, you would either tend to your plants or build figurines for the children. It kept both of you busy and eventually a comfortable silence would fall between the two of you. Well, besides Rocket blasting music over the speakers.

Adam would often go to your desk, do a little nod of approval at what you were creating, then go back to working. You would tend to sneak looks at him, thinking he didn’t notice but he always did.

You hated to admit that you found the golden man attractive, and fought against the thoughts that plagued your mind about him. You didn’t want to get close to him… yet.

Adam was very helpful and extremely nice to you, and you could tell he was trying to make up for his past transgressions. You felt bad for being an ass to him, and one day you tried to make up for it. You made him a figurine of his pet that always seemed to find its way to him.

You had left it at his apartment one night and thought nothing of it, expecting nothing in return.

It was the weekend now, and Adam tended to only help on weekdays, so you didn’t expect to wake up to him at your door. He was holding something behind his back, but you didn’t ask any questions.

“Oh, um, good morning?” You said sleepily, still in pajamas.

“I wanted to stop by to say thank you for my gift.” Adam smiled and you noticed he had placed it in the pocket of his shirt.

“Of course, it was my way of saying thank you for all the help.” You did a small smile in return.

Adam shifted on his feet and pulled out a small daisy from behind his back. “I, uh, picked this for you. I know it’s not much but you always gift flowers to people so I thought you deserved one yourself.”

You grinned happily and accepted the flower with a thank you. The tiny flower meant the world to you and Adam seemed ecstatic to give it to you.

“That’s the first ever gift I’ve given someone.” Adam looked so innocent and sad when he said that, almost as if his history did haunt him.

“It’s lovely.” You gave him a hug which took him by surprise but he gladly wrapped his arms around you.

“I was wondering if you’d like to…” Adam’s words trailed off in confusion, not finding the word he needed.

“Go on a date?” You helped him out, knowing exactly what he meant.

“Yes, that,” he said with his dorky smile and awaited your answer.

“I would love that.” You smiled brightly at him, delighted that Adam ended up being a sweet person beneath all the gold.

#Adam warlock #guardians of the galaxy #gotg #gotg vol 3 #gotg fanfiction #rocket gotg #rocket raccoon #Adam warlock x reader #Adam warlock imagine #will poulter x reader #will poulter #will poulter imagine #starlord #Peter quill #mantis #drax the destroyer #groot

[shuttlecarrier]

some concepts that have been plinking around in my mind.. assortment of some handmade toys from the geoling homeplanet and a child begging their older sibling to let them play with their collection of Annu. optional loredump info about this stuff under the cut ->

since geoling kids take a long time to grow up (they're considered an adult at 22-25 years old), they need a lot of attention and activity during that time period. they would be hell for a human to raise but visually very cute, they're babies that come up to you and babble meaninglessly one moment and then trying to bite and nip at you the next.

they are still quite small at this young age though, so one of the main toys they're given is Kcheha variants. they're stuffed animals constructed from fabric, furs, animal glue, clay (or bone), thread, and nontoxic paints- and come as either an upright plush or something large and floppy.

the more upright kind are more for playing with and being dragged around. they're made durable enough to withstand being chewed on by a child, since babies like to investigate and play with things with their mouth where a large portion of their sensory organs (those whiskers they have especially!) are located near. the floppier kcheha variant are larger usually weighted with fine sand or beads. these are softer and made for sleeping with. normally geolings sleep in large piles containing several members of their familial group, but young children are at risk of being injured by an adult rolling on top of them in this situation, so kids either sleep in their own pile nearby or are kept by themselves in a comfy mountain of floppy toys that simulates typical sleeping circumstances. upright kcheha are typically fashioned after bugs, fish, or other animals and floppy kcheha are often made to resemble geolings. the one in the image was designed to look like one of Wyu'hlkee's remaining island giants, a relatively peaceful animal that digs for tubers, shellfish, and large grubs.

eventually when kids reach their teens and lose their baby stripes or just when they get big enough, they get Annu toys. these are filled with sand and constructed with several layers of a plant derived burlap-like fabrics and a twine made from similar stuff, and come in natural shades of light red to deep purple. they are easy to make and survive wear and tear easily, which is good considering how high energy and more aggressive teenagers are. grabbing a sand filled toy and smacking it against walls (fun and satisfying) or trying to hit a sibling or cousin with it as hard as possible is extremely common (and so is the related: hitting your cousin so hard with a toy they start wailing and you beg them not to tell on you).

however since almost all annu are sand based they have some consequences if torn apart or broken. for geolings, sand has some particular spiritual significance in several of their cultures, and there are superstitions or beliefs that when you fill a toy with sand it invites passed on creatures to live in the constructed body. if you destroy it and the sand falls out you're expected to apologize for it and fix it. they are expected to get damaged though and it's good for teaching repair skills and restraint. most of these toys have the marks of being patched up from years of being thrown around and accidentally shredded. most annu are like big sand filled socks. fashioning them into the form of snake and worm creatures is pretty common. the ones depicted here have the popular look of the geolings 'sea dragons' which are giant worm-eel things that live in the oceans. dragons have been and remain as a very cool thing.

lastly for these Glass Based figurines are usually only for special occasions and given as gifts on holidays. those living on the islands and coasts make elaborate displays with them and enjoy collecting them. they're not great toys if they're more elaborate but smaller more blob looking ones are good for playing certain games with.

they have other more complex types of toys but I only drew a few for this because artfight is coming up and time to draw personal stuff is little. o7

#my art #fullview for best looking experience btw since tumblr crop destroyed this #geolings #spec bio #speculative biology #new post of these guys. the ones here are from one of the coastal areas #their baby stripes solidify into thicker darker stripes as adults instead of being lost #also hi sorry to let down everyone who thought they were dragons #they are just guys that I made up. but they are kinda dragon like

[gayelderstourney]

OLD MAN YAOI BRACKET ROUND 1

Propaganda:

Gerald Robotnik/Black Doom:

Scientist who wants to blow up the world and his evil alien boyfriend

Dude they had a son together and his name is shadow the hedgehog

They created Shadow the hedgehog together. Yes Shadow the hedgehog. This is canon. Theyre also super divorced just trust me on this.their old man yaoi is real

we as a society would not have shadow the hedgehog without their old man yaoi

old man fucks alien so he can bring his daughter back from space safely, gives birth to sad gay hedgehog

you KNOW they fucked

they’re shadow the hedgehogs dads. Like canonically. black doom is an alien god guy and gerald is eggmans grandpa who didn’t love him enough and gave him daddy issues. he also went insane after the government killed his granddaughter (who he loved instead of eggman) and tried to kill humanity :3 these two are like bitter exes to me. they’re both dead. the devil from the bible fucked that old man

Black Doom and Gerald Robotnik are Shadow the Hedgehogs dads. Gerald is a (silly, slightly insane) old scientist and Black Doom is a two thousand year old alien who wants to destroy the Earth. Its not canon but Shadow's gay dads mean everything to me. They kiss and hold hands on the space colony.

IM DOING MY PART!!! GERALDOOM SWEEP BAYBEEEEEEE!!! GO SHADOW’S GAY DADS!

Sheo/The Nailsmith:

It's really nice because you unlock it after the nailsmith asks you to kill him with the pure nail and you refuse and walk away. He then says he was wandering hallownest without purpose until he found sheo who helped him discover that there was more to life than just one calling. These two are probably the only characters in the game to have a genuinely happy ending

The nailsmith loses his purpose in life after finishing his ultimate masterpiece, his lifelong goal, the pure nail. He requests the protagonist to try the nail on him, but If you refuse, he will find sheo who helps him to find new meaning in life and realise that there is more to life by teaching him different crafts. They can then be seen sculping figurines together, and sheo is also painting the nailsmith.They share a common love for art and crafts and inspire each other. Sheo's story is that he was a nailmaster, but got tired of it, and put down his nail to pick up a paintbrush. I think it's beautiful that he could help the nailsmith realise what he himself did. They both also used to live in solitude without even realising how lonely they were, and I think it's cute tuhat they can do art together now :]

They are two bugs retired from their career and making better lives for themselves and they’re gay about it. Nailsmith believes at first that he has nothing left after creating the perfect nail and asks the knight to strike him down, and if you don’t, he meets Sheo, a retired nailmaster finding a new calling in painting and sculpting. They find a shared love in creating things and Nailsmith finds a new calling in art as well. The achievement you get for uniting them is called “Happy Couple”

Gay bugs gay bugs gay bugs (Cw mention of suicide) They both used to pursue their one passion in life: forging the perfect nail (sword) for the Nailsmith and the art of combat for Sheo. Sheo realized he could just leave that life when he lost his passion for fighting, and he found himself a new purpose in life: art. However, he always seemed very lonely, completely isolated by all other bugs in his hidden house in the middle of a thorn jungle. When The Nailsmith achieved his goal and forged the perfect nail, he lost his purpose in life and his will to live. He asks the player to kill him. However, if the player refuses, he can later be found in Sheo's house, modelling for Sheo or sculpting figurines with him. He thanks the player for not fulfilling his request, because he has found a new calling in life here, making art together with Sheo. They both express how happy they are to no longer be alone. This also gives you the "Happy Couple" achievement, confirming that they are a couple.

THEY'RE CANON!!! They're fucking canon!!! You can talk to them at one point after doing a Bunch of Stuff to get them to meet each other and you get an achievement called "Happy Couple"!!! Gotta love old man yuri

#round 1 #polls #gay elders tourney #tournament poll #sonic the hedgehog #geraldoom #gerald robotnik #black doom #hollow knight #sheo #the nailsmith

[pokedawriter]

Nymph!Reader x Sumeru!Men

- gn!reader

- Kaveh & Tighnari (I can do Alhaithem and Cyno later if people want)

- The Sumeru men stumble upon you... how to they react?

Idk what I'm doing man

Kaveh

He was scouting out a location one of his clients wanted, surveying the land to figure out what could go where and if a building was even possible

Of course, with his terrible luck, he slips and falls down a hill, bumping his head and falling unconscious

When he comes to, the most beautiful being he's ever seen is looking down at him, his head in your lap

As he gets up, he realizes you've tended to his cuts and bruises, putting a strange paste on the and then some leaves

You ask him a few questions on his health and he asks you where he is

After a bit of conversation, he realizes you are 1) a nymph and 2) will die if this grotto is destroyed

he'll go back to the city and have a hard time convincing his clients to move elsewhere, but he'll manage

He tries his best to visit you while also keeping you a secret, though his friends learn pretty quickly

Alhaithem learn anyways though because he sees Kaveh's notes on you

Tighnari learns because Kaveh asks him about how to take care of nymphs

Cyno learns when Kaveh asks him about protected areas of the forest and what qualify

They all follow him and meet you, much to Kaveh's annoyance and dismay

His friends help him make your grotto a protected area of the forest, preventing any future construction in it

Kaveh will try to visit you all the time, even after this

you're Kaveh's muse and he can't help but be enamored by your beauty. You inspire him and you're so kind and he hates leaving your side

You even make a little place for him in the roots of a huge tree

he brings you trinkets from the city and he can't help but smile when he sees your wonderment with the little toys

Perhaps he could live here instead of with Alhaithem

Tighnari

He was exploring a little further than usual when he found your grotto. How your little sanctuary has remained undiscovered for so long is genuinely a mystery to him

He tries to take a flower but you appear and bap his hand

Flora person? An aranara? No, you're too human looking to possibly be one

You don't attack him but you don't let him pick anything either

He comes back repeatly over the next few months to study you and you study him with equal intensity... he thinks?

While he writes notes on you, you draw him with different colored flowers and make little figurines of him out of wood

Eventually, one day you start speaking to him (which surprises him greatly, because he had been talking with you this entire time and you never responded, just gave him various head tilts and hand motions)

You can casually banter with each other and you teach him about the plants in your grotto

Coming to see you is his favorite part of the day and he eventually brings Cyno (with your permission). Cyno cracks his puns much to Tighnari's dismay

However, Tighnari likes the moment when you are alone together best

"I could study you forever. You're so beautiful and fascinating"

#genshin impact x reader #genshin x you #genshin x reader #tighnari #tighnari x reader #kaveh x reader #kaveh #genshin kaveh #genshin tighnari

[ollie-lolly]

Mind if I send another baby request (because I love the idea of these men with precious beans)? How would the Brothers/Dateables be if they had babies of their own? I just wanna know what kinda fathers all of them would be!💗💖

Thank you for the request! <3

Them as dads

warnings: none!

reblogs are appreciated!

Lucifer

-Will do that thing where he'll place the little ones feet on his, and hold their hands to help the baby learn to walk. TvT

-We now know that Lucifer is at least 10 million years old soooo.

-"He is more than daddy to me, he is like, he's like grandpa."

-Lets just say after being a mom dad to six he is desperately waiting for the baby stage to be over.

-He does not want to handle the little one too roughly, like with his more resilient brothers. So please help him out.

Mammon

-I can see him in front of a white board trying to explain the stock market and the baby is just there like :)

-He is super proud of his little one. 

-He just holds his baby above his head sometimes like >:D

-I can see him buying a smaller version of his sunglasses and putting it on the baby.

-He uses the baby stroller as a place to store stolen things.

Leviathan

-Will take tons of pictures of the baby of any little cosplays he can find.

-Would use his tail like a baby carrier.

-I can see him holding the baby so they can see his figurines and he would go on and on who they are, from what show etc.

-Will watch childrens anime with the baby.

-Is scared for his life during the whole experience. So please try to keep calm, because he sure won't.

Satan

-Loves tucking it in bed.

-Please help him when his patience wears thin.

-Will bounce the baby on his lap while he is reading.

-Probably named the baby after a character in a book he liked.

-Will attempt to teach the baby complex topics, the baby has no idea what he is talking about but keeps listening anyway.

Asmodeus

-Will want to be around it 24/7.

-Will have tons of nicknames for the little one.

-Wants to dress it in so many outfits. ♡

-Customized and patterned diapers.

-Wine dad with Lucifer.

-Will often talk about his new dad life on social media.

Beelzebub

-Will have the little one on his shoulder at all times.

-Please be with him when he feeds the baby, because what is stopping him from eating the baby food.

-Looks really intimidating when he picks the little one up from daycare.

-Will gently use it as a weight when exercising.

Belphegor

-Will want to sleep with it for hours.

-It is so bad to the point that he has trouble falling asleep without his precious baby.

-He loves how warm the baby is.

-He has the little bassinet hanging above your shared bed, so he can check on the baby anytime.

-Beel essentially takes care of it with him.

Diavolo

-Will have a baby carrier on 24/7

-He will be walking in the halls of RAD and the baby is just:  :D 

-Will gain a lot of popularity with students because of the happy baby.

-The baby will most likely inherit Diavolo's adorable smile.

-Would spoil it with the most expensive gifts much to Barbatos' dismay.

Barbatos

-Will take time off to love and appreciate the little one.

-Handles the worst parts of babyhood great.

-Would love to teach you the techniques regarding childcare.

-Diavolo would beg Barbatos often to bring his butler's baby to work.

Simeon

-Somehow always knows why the baby is crying.

-Will insist on you resting while he takes care of the baby.

-Looks so angelic when he holds the baby.

-Simeon is always smiling when he gets to be with his baby.

-Luke loves to take care of the baby with him.

Solomon

-Will dress it in a wizard costume and post "My new apprentice"

-Please don't let him feed it.

-He does not realize how dangerous his house is.

-Next thing you know, the baby has his hands on a wand and almost destroys Solomon's house.

-Lets just say there needed to be A LOT of baby proofing.

-In the meantime, Solomon had to use a spell to make the baby float.

#obey me #obey me x gender neutral reader #obey me x reader #obey me x mc #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me solomon #obey me simeon #obey me barbatos #obey me lucifer x reader #obey me lucifer x mc #obey me mammon x reader #obey me mammon x mc #obey me leviathan x mc #obey me leviathan x reader #obey me satan x reader #obey me satan x mc #obey me asmo x mc #obey me asmo x reader #obey me x y/n #obey me beel x reader #obey me beelzebub x mc #obey me beelzebub x reader #obey me belphegor x reader

[a-local-idiots-shitpost]

Replaced AU but the Replacement keeps fucking up and Mc has to save them

Lucifer:

the new Human who got accepted into the exchange program is a plaque for Lucifer and they are lucky that he isn´t allowed to kill them

not only did they ruin his paperwork with horrible coffee, mixed everything up that he owns and thought the could bad mouth his Human

he even tried to get Mc to get ride of the new Human and as much as he hates to admit this is they only time he appreciates their more vicious behavior

but no they one time he allows Mc to go crazy they try and talk him down about it

but they did talk Diavolo into maybe sending them back a bit sooner rather than later

Lucifer didn´t anticipate diplomacy but as long as they are gone and he has to deal with only one Human than he doesn´t care, he might even thank Mc for this

Mammon:

the only reason Mammon tolerates the new Human is because they occasionally give him something valuable, otherwise? they can die for all he cares

if it wasn´t for Mc, Mammon would have sold them to the highest bidder he could find

but Mc wanted to spend time with him so this put a dent in this plan and they helped him with his latest scam which at least got him a bit more money which also made it easier for him to ignore the new Human

also Mc told him he´ll be in some serious trouble if Lucifer found out that he sold the new Human which is kinda something that stops him

also Mc promised him to spend even more time with him if he leaves them alone

Leviathan:

he was ready to die I mean who does this normie think they are!? there are reasons why he doesn´t want to leave his room and it´s to keep normies like them away!

his only savior is Mc who either chases them away or managed to barricade his room Door, he would have died without his Henry or rather he would have probably drowned the Human or made Lotan eat them

and every time they tried getting closer to him the worse they made it, they even managed to destroy all of his figurines the first time they got into his room, they were really lucky Mc was around or they were dead!

actually he is surprised they survived because Mc did throw the new Human down the stairs

Satan:

it took everything he had to not turn the new Human into a bloody pulp for even daring to touch his books

it only got worse when they tore out a page out of one he doesn´t care if they did it on accident or on purpose

but they narrowly avoided death in the form of Mc sending him a picture of their favorite Cats newborn kittens and telling him to hurry up

he was faster gone than the new Human could see and if they were stupid enough to try and stop he would have surely thrown them out of the window but fortunately for him they had some slight survival instincts

they obviously kept trying to bother him but they managed to only catch him when Mc was around and they were friendly enough to distract him from the new idiot

Asmodeus:

usually he doesn´t mind his adoring fans to getting a bit handsy with him, but the new Human? first they go to far for his taste and second he absolutely despises them

he would have loved nothing more than to use his Charm ability to get ride of them, he could have also easily just tore them to pieces himself bit they wouldn´t be worth the effort

he obviously knows Mc only does this so he doesn´t kill the new Human but he can´t complain if it means there is more one on one time with Mc~

even if that means he isn´t allowed to teach this disrespectful Human a lesson

Beelzebub:

he would have happily eaten them for not only bothering him during his Fangol games but also their constant complaining over him eating so much or always wanting food

but he got Mc to keep talking him to not eat the new Human or always offering him their snacks and food

which did help in him not murdering the newcomer or just eating them alive

didn´t help with his his hatred towards them though, the worst thing is not Mc trying to keep their sorry ass alive despite hating them too but them being rude towards Mc!

being rude towards him he can accept but Mc or his Brothers is a death sentence

he hopes that Mc can send them back to the Human realm soon otherwise they´ll be back to only having Mc around and the other Human disappearing under mysterious circumstances

Belphegor:

they keep waking him up with useless questions and complain about him only sleeping, if Mc wasn´t there to hold him back he would have strangled them and feed their corpse to Beel

Belphie even goes out of his way to get ride of them, which means he tries to distract Mc and lure the new Human into an empty spot

but no matter what Mc keeps finding him and dragging him somewhere else or Mc get´s one of his Brothers to take him away

Mc even let´s him sleep in their room in hopes of him not harming the new Human until the current exchange program is done and they are sent back home forever

Mc just hopes Belphie can keep himself back until then

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me imagines #obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #lucifer avatar of pride #mammon avatar of greed #obey me mammon #leviathan avatar of envy #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #satan avatar of wrath #obey me asmodeus #asmodeus avatar of lust #beelzebub avatar of gluttony #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #belphegor avatar of sloth

[harunayuuka2060]

Sebek: WAKA-SAMA! IS THERE ANY WAY FOR HER HIGHNESS TO RECONSIDER?!

Malleus: No. Her decision is final.

Sebek: But Waka-sama!

Silver: Sebek, they were chosen. We couldn't possibly ignore that.

Lilia: *chuckles* Yes. I'm actually excited on how things will turn out.

Sebek: Lilia-sama... They can't even talk nor understand human!

Malleus: However, they at least know their name given to them.

Silver: Ah. Speaking of that, I need to try calling them with that name so they won't forget.

Maleficia: This is what you will wear in Night Raven College.

Maleficia: Make sure you will always look presentable.

MC: ...

Maleficia: Let me check your earpiece. *nods in satisfaction*

Maleficia: The researcher made it for you so you would understand the human language. Don't lose it.

MC: ...

MC: *nods*

Maleficia: And also, here. Your wolf figurine.

MC: ...

Maleficia: I hope you will enjoy school life.

MC: ...

MC: *goes to rub their cheek against hers*

Maleficia: *soft chuckles*

Maleficia: Good luck, my dear.

Sebek: HUMAN!!! WHY DID YOU DESTROY YOUR GATE?!!

Silver: Obviously, they don't like it.

Malleus: MC, guard mine. We will be riding a carriage anyway.

Sebek: But Waka-sama! They should follow the protocol!

Lilia: *laughs* Oh, Sebek!

Silver: The dark horses are here. We should get in our gates now.

MC: ...

MC: *goes to ride one of the dark horses*

Malleus, Lilia, Sebek, and Silver: ...

Malleus: *chuckles* Don't tell me, they're not trusting these horses.

Lilia: Fufu~ So it seems.

Silver: MC... Please... Don't scare them too much.

#twisted wonderland #twst mc #twst sebek #twst malleus #twst silver #twst lilia #twst maleficia #twst wild!mc

[projectcaramel]

Random Headcanon #1

Gifts You Got The Brothers:

It's the thought that counts. The kind of gift you'd think they wouldn't keep (but they do).

Gifts given after you get to know them well.

Lucifer —

A big, fluffy unicorn plush. You know, the one they made the sticker about? Yeah, he 100% got that from you on your third week in the Devildom. He’ll never admit it, but he cuddles with it at night sometimes.

Demonus-laced, high quality, limited edition chocolates. It cost a small fortune, but Lucifer enjoyed them so much he spoiled you for weeks and turned a blind eye to your more.... bold decisions.  

Mammon

A greeting card you got during one of your first town outings because it struck your interest. Mammon, being the tsundere he is, pretended to not care and said he threw out “the cheap garbage”, but he stares at the flowers on the card sometimes for hours. 

A Gussi leather jacket you managed to get your hands on for his birthday, and he’s become so possessive of it that you’re the only one allowed to touch it aside from him.

Levi

A friendship bracelet you made trying to drag Levi out of his room. You’ve never seen him wear it, but unbeknownst to you he’s been wearing it as an anklet under his sweatpants. 

A Zaramela figurine, of which there is only one in the entire Devildom. Levi broke down and cried for almost an hour hugging you because he was so happy. His brothers are not permitted anywhere near it, else Lotan gets summoned into the House of Lamentation again. 

Satan

In an attempt to give him a better way to manage his anger, you gave him a slime stress ball. He destroyed it within a week, but he was actually pretty upset about it. 

You somehow managed to persuade Lucifer to let him have another chance, and long story short, Satan became the ecstatic father of two cats. You still have to keep him in check and make sure he doesn’t try to adopt more, but he now cannot physically get angry with you. 

Asmo

A fashion magazine for an up and coming model looking to rival him. You didn’t actually know about that last part until Asmo mentioned it, but he thought you were trying to help him, so he now wears all of the fashions of his opposition. 

Bath salts that leave the body perfectly energized and glittering—it’s the absolute perfect skincare routine wrapped up in relaxation, and Asmo savors every bath like his last, frequently inviting you to join in the process. 

Beel

A dieting guide—you’d think he would have eaten it, laminated pages and all, but every time you enter his room, you find it open to a different page. 

A gargantuan devildom feast from various restaurants, with an array of food ranging from cheeseburgers to cakes. You weren’t sure whether it was the quantity or the fact that you finished it off with a bag of homemade cookies, but Beel was actually full. 

Belphie

A traditional alarm clock he never uses, but for some reason has never moved it from its spot. He said he was too lazy, but you’ve seen him fiddling with it from time to time when he thinks you’re not looking. 

An extraordinary telescope that was recently developed for observing the anomaly between the human and Devildom skies, and Belphie absolutely could not stop himself from openly cuddling you for days. 

#obey me headcanons #obey me! #obey me fluff #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me beel #obey me belphie #gifts

[mammons-hubby]

Hiiii :3 can I request platonic headcanons of the brothers with MC who is a child/preteen? You pick which age you're more confident writing, but like in this 8-12 yrs range if possible, thank youuu🩷

I wasn't sure if to make the Mc be cursed or the Mc being chosen for the program while still being a child. I chose the later, hope you enjoy!

The little Mc! :

When the one stepping out of the portal was a 10 year old, he almost passed out.

Lucifer

This wasn't in the papers, at ALL. There is just no way this could've possibly happen, maybe a child stepped into the portal by accident?

But no, once the kid was questioned it was obvious they were the exchange student they were expecting.

Internal panic.

This kid can't go to the basically highschool for demons, and there are no schools in the Devildom.

He has a really stern talk with the brothers so they behave in front of them.

Depending on your behavior he may start to get more grey hairs or take a big liking to you.

In the end he ends up really attached to you.

Pampers you, and denies he does it.

"What?! I gotta take care of a kid?!"

Mammon

New babysitter for Mc. He at first dislikes it a ton, but he has a soft spot for kids so he doesn't take it on you, but you notice he is kinda mad.

Very overprotective. Not at first but with just a couple of days he really starts to like you and can't leave your side.

Will bother you to get a reaction, if you start crying he may even give you some Grimm.

Teaches you how to gamble and gets strung to the ceiling.

Gives you piggybacks.

He may involve you in money schemes at first but never putting you in any actual real harm.

Great. A little kid with sticky fingers.

Leviathan

He doesn't want you anywhere near his room at first, afraid that you will break his precious figurines or destroy his Manga collection.

He still forces you to watch Anime, but in the living room with him. Once you get a liking to it he even dresses you up as his favorite characters.

Once he realizes you won't purposefully break anything of his, he invites you to his room.

You are mesmerized by the pretty lights, the bathtub and the giant aquarium, you say hi to Henry and he melts.

He sees you looking everywhere with awe, and he feels very proud of himself.

From then, you start to play games in his room and carefully read his Mangas.

Lets you play with his tail in his demon form. He finds it kinda funny but gets grossed out when you put it in your mouth and cover it up with saliva. Eugh.

He is kind of curious about you and how you ended up in the Devildom, for Lucifer to make such an oversight is clearly extremely bizarre, almost imposible.

Satan

You kinda look at him with your big baby eyes and he looks back at you, until one of you stops staring and go back to their normal routine.

He is chosen by Lucifer to be your personal teacher. He complains but knows he has to do it.

He will try and teach you things to bother Lucifer, succeeding in some and failing in others.

But he also takes a lot of effort to learn about human culture and teach you the right things and needed things for your mental development.

Will read for you to fall asleep. Devildom fairy stories and others, you seem to like grim stuff too but he reads this stuff to you very rarely. Doesn't want you to be negatively affected.

Buys you a cat onesie and takes lots of pics. Super adorable.

He finds you extremely adorable and amusing, like a little pet.

Asmodeous

He will dress you up in the prettiests of clothings, with the most expensive perfume and hair decorations.

You seem upset and he doesn't understand at first. You explain you don't like being treated like a doll for his amusement.

He thought he was doing everything right?

He thinks about it hard and realizes that maybe being treated like a thing rather than a person must've hurt you.

He apologizes to you and offers to take you to eat something yummy.

He tries and know more about your likes and dislikes. About the shows you like, your favorite colors, the type of clothing you like.

He takes you to buy some pretty clothes of your choosing, and even gets you a cute haircut.

You feel better when you can also express yourself. But from time to time you let him dress you as he wishes, you even match clothings sometime.

Okay so at first a bit dangerous to be near him, considering he sees you as small and chubby and feels the urge to put you in his mouth.

Beelzebub

Once he controls the urges, he is very sweet and caring.

Kinda blunt when he talks, but not clueless. He is not dumb so he knows that he shouldn't say certain things, but considering he is quite honest he lets slip some stuff, but inmediatly notices and fixes it.

Will share his food with you and sit you on his lap while you eat, sorry if you get slobber on your head.

Will make sure you get proper exercise so you grow strong.

Will also take you on piggyback rides wherever you'd like.

Considering he has a younger brother, he grows attached to you very quickly and would give his life for you, and take others.

Belphegor

It depends. If this is an universe where Belphegor doesn't have a vendetta against humans, he may not care too much at first, but then begins to like you.

He would take naps with you, and help you draw and color stuff.

He is the youngest brother, so he may teach you how to get away with being a brat, much to Lucifer's dismay.

Now. If it's the og timeline Belphie?

Things are difficult. He will still try and trick you into doing the pacts with his brothers. And you're a child, so you'd probably believe him.

He does feel more guilty about wanting to kill you, but in the end commits regardless.

It's up to you to forgive him or not. He did kill a child after all.

The brothers are all shocked at him, and disgusted.

It takes a while before things settle down after discovering you're Lilith's descendant.

They're very wary of leaving you with him in a room, in case he tries to hurt you.

But Belphegor feels extremely guilty. It eats him alive, he can't believe that his rage for humanity would make him kill a literal kid.

He tries to make it up to you by being present in your life. Helping you get ready on your day to day life. Taking you places you need to go, pampering you.

It's still up to you if you'll ever forgive him. Perhaps you do, but you'll never forget it.

You can still have a nice relationship with him though, it's not the end of the world. And your life is just beginning.

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me nightbringer #obey me satan #Obey me asmodeous #Obey me shall we date #Omswd

[sylvies-chen]

ok started the episode a little late but I just finished it so here’s the weekly recap folks…

TED LASSO 3.04 THOUGHTS:

holy shit this episode was FANTASTIC there was so much going on!! so much goodness!!

roy seeing jamie butt ass naked at 4 am… who had this on their bingo card? anyone? no?

I’m SO glad we got that sassy & ted mess out of the way, I hope ted stops the casual sex and realizes it’s not fulfilling his needs

nate picking up the little lasso figurine and ted still having the picture of him and nate feels like a third act breakup montage of a rom com moment please I feel sick 😭

dani befriending a 108-year-old man just makes so much sense to me. that’s my friendly husband right there !!!!!

OKLAHOMA. motherfucking… OKLAHOMA??? oh my god this is insane I’m foaming at the mouth like the way she laughed at his pun when sassy called them insufferable the way he told her she was better off without rupert the implications of her using a term from his marriage counseling to coax the truth out of him THE WAY SHE INSTANTLY KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH HIM

it’s also so good because that certainly wasn’t THE long awaited office chat or else they would have made a comment about “same place same time” so that means we have YET ANOTHER office chat coming up and I don’t doubt they’ll bring up “oklahoma” again

nate… ugh, what a guy. lonely is the only word for him. there’s something so sad and pitiable about where he’s at right now, getting all the fame and credit but no support. there is a good person inside him just banging to get out, you can feel it

ooooooof yeah shandy messed up BIG TIME and keeley, babe, it’s not your fault for trying to see the good in people and believing in them!! she’s probably going to have to make the tough call to fire her if she wants to get in jack’s good graces

the team getting angry and violent over seeing nate destroy the believe sign actually made me cry. it’s just beautiful to me, even if they reacted wrong in the context of the game. they’re saying, “we made something good here. we have something beautiful. how dare you defile what is sacred to us, something that has bettered us as people. feel our wrath. feel our hurt.” I love my richmond guys 😭

it’s so wild to me that rebecca dealt with rupert having an affair in a mature and restrained way but she lowkey went maniacal with ted at half time like girlie has range i guess wow 😂

TED’S FIRST ATTEMPT AT CONFRONTATION OH MY GOD FUCKING FINALLY and it went pretty well too!! he flat out admitted he was angry, and did so in a respectful way. the baby steps of growth that we see happening here are beautiful I’m so proud !!

can we get that sports commentator who said he kept predicting things too often to manifest a tedbecca endgame?

#ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #dani rojas #tedbecca #nate shelley

[our-happygirl500-fan]

Something I’ve noticed is that in the movie, Leo’s room in the new lair is messier than his room in the old lair

When we see Leo’s room in the movie, it gives the impression of a ‘typical messy teenage boys room’; we can see that the bed is unmade, there are papers on the floor & you can even see an empty soda cup that hasn’t been thrown out yet.

However when you compare Leo’s room in the movie to Leo’s old room that we catch glimpses of in the episodes The Purple Game & The Lair Games, it’s shown that Leo actually used to keep his room rather tidy

Whenever we saw Leo’s old room, it was shown that Leo actually kept his room rather clean with the bed having always been made & the messiest parts of the room being a book left on the floor or a sword propped up by his bed.

Which leads to the question how did Leo go from someone who used to always make his bed to someone who sleeps on an uncovered mattress?

The first explanation for Leo’s messier room is that Leo’s room is messy simply because the Hamato Clan is still unpacking & moving into the new lair. The movie takes place only a few months after the end of season 2 which means that the Hamato Clan is still moving into their new lair after Shredder destroyed the old one & evidence of this can be seen by the fact that there are unpacked boxes still spread throughout the lair.

It could be possible that when Leo has fully finished unpacking he’ll start taking more care to keep his room tidy again

The second explanation for why Leo stopped keeping his room tidy after moving into the new lair is that it might be that Leo cares less about material possessions after Shredder destroyed most of the Hamato Clan’s old home.

In the Lair Games it was shown that Leo used to have multiple shelves full of various items & figurines however in the new lair shown in the movie Leo only has a few figurines placed around his room. The fact that Leo possibly lost so many items with the destruction of the old lair could mean that Leo stopped caring as much for the things he owns due to learning how easily they could be lost or destroyed.

Leo: No wonder you always want to train. You really need the practice

Some evidence for Leo no longer caring about the things he owns, can be seen by the fact that when Raph breaks a hole through Leo’s room, Leo shows no concern for his room being damaged & simply continues trying to goad Raph into a fight.

The third reason on why Leo’s new room is kept messier than his old room comes from the theory that Leo acted irresponsibly at the beginning of the movie in order to try & get Raph to take back the leadership role.

Leo has been shown to be very good at tricking people into thinking what he wants them to think & stepping into any role needed to sell his act; not cleaning his room would help sell the image of ‘an irresponsible teenage boy’ that Leo had possibly been trying to present to Raph & Splinter meaning that Leo was possibly trying to create the impression of ‘how can you expect me to lead a team if I can’t even keep my room clean?’

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles #leonardo hamato #rottmnt #tmnt

[probablyfunrpgideas]

Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow

If you hold this dark stone figurine and make a promise, misty words will rise to the surface like ghosts in a black lake. The answer of the Sphinx is cryptic, but absolute. It tells you whether or not you will keep your oath.

The Sphinx does not care about your intentions, about the fine print or about who is holding you accountable. It simply tells the future. The response you get may provide a clue to the circumstances, but likely will not. Be warned - many treasure hunters believe the Sphinx is simply an honored figurehead to swear on, and they are destroyed trying to change their fate.

#idea #tabletop rpgs #d&d #pathfinder #call of cthulhu #blades in the dark

[holylulusworld]

Ladybug

Summary: You believed he’s a nerd but in truth, he’s a force of nature.

Pairing: Jake Jensen x fem!Reader

Warnings: smut, dirty talk, unprotected sex, consensual degrading, sex against a window

“Fuck, look at my filthy whore,” Jake growls in your ear while he batters your quaking hole. You’re too close to another orgasm and fucked out to even respond.

Before he had you like this, pressed up against one of the windows at his office, Jake bent you over his desk to give your poor cunt a few spanks. He only laughed as you squirted all over his hand.

You never thought that the sweet and smart head of the IT department, the one calling you ladybug and playing with superhero figurines, will fuck you like an animal the moment you let him have his way with you.

“I knew the moment you walked into my office, wearing one of your cute skirts, and glasses, that you only need to be fucked like this to get you out of your shell.”

He’s moving faster, aware that anyone entering his office will find him balls deep inside the newest addition to the IT department. “Fuck, this is the best cunt I ever had.”

You whine even louder at his words. “Aw, you love praises,” he whispers filthy words in your ear. “My little cockslut. I will stuff your cunt every day from now on.”

Pushing back onto his twitching length you try to show him that you are more than willing to take his cock every day. “Please…J—ake.”

His hips slam into your ass, making you cry out at the impact. He’s getting impossible faster as you press the palms of your hands against the window. Your breath fogs the windows, and you can only hope the people in the other building can’t see you.

“It’s Mr. Jensen to you,” he smirks against your cheek, nuzzling you. “If you are a good girl, you can call me your IT God.”

You’d giggle at the awful nickname, but the way he uses your body is a crass contrast to the way he usually treats you. “Hmm…my little slut is going to cum again.”

Pants along with the sound of flesh slapping against flesh fill his office. A crescendo of your lust.

“OH GOD!” You scream his name and slam your hands against the window when your orgasm violently ripples through your body.

“That’s it, princess,” Jake grips your shoulders to hold you against the window. “Now, have my spunk.”

He comes with a grunt, and one last jerk of his hips. “Perfect, my little ladybug. So, fucking perfect.”

Jake carefully pulls out of your well-fucked pussy. He hisses and curses under his breath seeing the cum run down your thighs. “You good? I…wait…I’ll clean you up, Y/N.”

He hurriedly pulls his pants back up to grab his shirt and throw it on. Jake looks on the ground at your skirt and shirt lying torn on the ground. He huffs because it’s his fault you’ve got no clothes to wear.

You turn around on shaky legs to watch him open a drawer at his desk to get one of his spare shirts out. He sniffs at it, making you roll your eyes as it's not clean.

“Uh-I got a shirt and boxer briefs. You can have it. I’ll go and get you some clothes.”

He holds the clothes in his hands, shyly looking at you. “You are strong,” you glance up at Jake. He just screwed your brain out, but this doesn’t mean you know how to act around him now. “Very strong…and big…”

Jake grins. “I knew you’d love it!” He places the clothes on the desk to get another old shirt out. “Let me just…”

You let him guide you toward the couch at his office and sit down. Jake carefully cleans you up and hands you the shirt and boxer briefs.

“I’ll get you clothes, and you stay here.”

“I—okay.”

“We will go on a date,” he hastily says. “I mean…that’s what I wanted to do first. You just looked so good in that skirt, and I had to have you.”

Jake helps you into his shirt, grinning as it’s too big for you. “Where did you want to take me?”

“Home…my bed…on every surface,” he purrs in your ear. “I hope you know that you’re mine now.”

“Hmm…” you close your eyes and let Jake bury his face in your neck. “Next time, please don’t destroy my clothes. I liked that skirt…”

"I can't promise anything, bug..."

Tags in reblog.

#jake jensen #jake jensen x reader #jake jensen x you #smut #jake jensen smut #Lady Bug

[homunculus-argument]

Sometimes the way getting older changes the way you think really creeps on you in surprising ways. I used to think, "I'm not mature or responsible enough to have kids and if I'm not sure I want them, so I don't think I should." It wouldn't be fair for some kid to have me as a parent, my parents were only a few years older than I am now and did not have their shit together as well as I do, even if they were more stable financially and better established career-wise. The idea that having to "grow up" and give up whatever fun bullshit I'm doing because now I have to provide for someone else, felt like a looming threat on the horizon.

Approaching 30 now, I'm just becoming more and more aware of how much better it is for everyone that I never picked up the huge responsibility of another human being. I would absolutely rather devote my time and energy to doing silly and frivolous things than put them all aside for the sake of a task that's not only far more important than my own life, and I'm fortunate and lucky that it wasn't forced onto me by any outside circumstance.

Me and my boyfriend have recently gotten into Warhammer. There's a small army of expensive, half-finished, very delicate and fragile figurines currently on the floor. Not only is every single one of them a choking hazard, and the paints are probably super toxic for someone who investigates their surroundings primarily by putting foreign objects into their mouth, but they also look like the coolest, sickest fucking toys you've ever seen. Because they are. It would be straight-up torture for everyone involved to try to keep a kid away from The Cool Grownup Toys until they're old enough to not immediately destroy them. Or get hurt by them.

Having kids and having your own dumb fun shit aren't inherently mutually exclusive. Some people can figure out how to have both a kids' room and a Warhammer Room in their house, without one killing the other no matter how hard they're determined to do that, and even having the time to enjoy both of them. I am not one of those people. I'm sitting here, looking at the rows of unpainted tyranids and space marines on the floor, knowing that both people in the house are adults who can be trusted to not step on them or take them apart to see what's the largest and most jagged part that can be fit inside one's nostril or ear canal, and think

"Man, I'm so glad I didn't have kids."