#and then she realises we are barely functional

[bangchansgirlsblog]

another random idea.. Fem 9th member maknae reader who secretly smokes and gets caught by one of the boys who later snitches and tells chan. Reader and Chan fall out and she storms out of the dorms and ends up staying in her apartment instead to let off some steam. She realised how bad the smoking was for her health and how much it impacted her social life so she first to JYP and they send her to rehab + puts her on hiatus for two months because of rehab. Chan thinks it’s his fault for the hiatus as none of the members were told that she was going to rehab. They later find out and when Reader returns back from rehab/hiatus they all tell her how proud they are of her?

(sorry for the LONGGGG paragraph, i didn’t intend for it to be this long🧍‍♀️)

My biggest problem.

Okay maybe I got carried away a little and changed it a little but yeah forgive me 😜

Enjoy

-🩷

**

Y/n started smoking when she was 15.

She didn't know that she was eventually going to be a trainee the year after.

It was never part of her plan but when they scouted her when she was at the mall with her mum, it was a new chapter in her story and her mum begged for her to try it out. As her training days began and she tried to quit she found that she couldn’t go a day without smoking.

She was already addicted to it.

Her habit became stronger and stronger as the days got harder.

6 hours dance practice, 4 hours vocal and 2 hours media training. She found her self sneaking out for smokes during short breaks or before leaving the dorms for any type of schedule.

It sucked that she couldn't get out of it and it was affecting her.

At this point she didn’t even want to stop because if she did her body would fail.

**

1:45 pm, New York City.

"Alright people let's get started shall we?" The instructor walked onto the stage and stood at the edge waiting for everyone to get in place.

Y/n put her water bottle down and walked over to the group to get into her place so they could start practicing for the show that would happen the next day.

"Y/n and I.N I want more energy from the both of you please," Chan told the two maknae's. He was stood in the back analyzing everything to make sure it was on point.

The two nodded and stood ready to start. The sound of Charmer filled the whole stadium and their bodies started to move with the music. Their vocals being on point and their dancing being better than the last.

"What do you think?" The manager asked Chan. He was now stood down off stage looking at a different point of you. The rest of the band gasping for air.

"It was okay, I liked it but the lighting crew need to do better because I can barely see Felix in the back." He pointed and waved as he spoke. Trying to show the manager what he was imagining.

Y/n saw this as an opportunity to slip away for a bit for a short smoke break. She needed it. Her hands were shaking and her body couldn't really function due to the fuck she was going through withdrawals.

"Chan, may I use the washroom?" Her voice was timid but Chan was used to it and was able to hear her over his earpeaces.

"Yeah you can, five minutes yeah?" He replied. "Do you need one of the boys to come with you-"

"No no no it's fine," she replied fast, way to fast for Chan's liking.

"Okay," he squinted his eyes in suspicion but let it go.

She grabbed her bag and made her way through the different hallway. Making sure no one was in sight, she slipped through the backdoor to the back way alley.

It was quiet. No one was there and she was glad. She let go of the sign that lingered in her chest and pulled out the pack of cigs that laid neatly in her small pouch.

Her hands shook as she grabbed one cigarette and put it between her lips where she lit it and took a big puff.

Her body relaxed as the smoke filled her lungs. Her brain that was going hellfire was now calm and relaxed as well.

She thought she was safe when she reached for the second one. None of the boys had called her phone and it had been about 5 minutes.

"Just one more," she thought to herself.

"Y/n?" a voice called right by her ear causing her to jump and drop the pack of cigs.

"What are you doing?" She turned to look at Hyunjin who was visibly angry.

His eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were sealed tightly together.

"Hyunjin what are you doing here?" She asked as she got on her knees trying to collect the cigarettes that were now scattered all over.

"What do you mean what are you doing here? What are YOU doing here Y/n? And why are you smoking? Have you gone mad? Does Chan know about this?" He questioned standing there in shock.

"No,no Chan doesn't know about this and you're not telling him," Y/n hushed him trying to stop him from shouting and yelling.

"I think you've actually gone insane! Ofcourse I'm telling Chan,” he grabbed the cigarettes from Y/n's hand and threw them back to the ground where he stomped all over them.

"Inside. Now." He said through gritted teeth. Y/n was scared, it was visible. She grabbed her back and slowly made her way inside the venue. Her lips quivered.

"Hyunjin please don't tell Chan, please I'll do anything," she begged.

"I have to Y/n. I'm so disappointed in you. We trusted you and you do this?" His eyes couldn't meet hers. His body was tense as they walked backstage to the rooms in the back. The hallways gettin busier each second. The employees questioning why she was crying.

"Are you okay-"

"Yes she is please go along with your work," Hyunjin snapped at one of the ladies. Y/n looked up at him frightened because he was always nice to people, he never once raised his voice at an employee.

When they arrived in the room. The boys were sat on the couches or having lunch. Chan was texting on his phone when he looked up.

"Y/n? Why did you bathroom break take so long?" He laughed and looked at Hyunjin who wasn't smiling.

"I caught her smoking Chan, she reeks of cigarettes" her head fell and she looked at her new trainers that one of the companies had sent her for promotion. It looked so intriguing all of a sudden.

"You caught her what? Hyunjin your joking," Chan laughed, "please tell me your joking," he paused and looked at the serious Hyunjin.

"Tell him, tell him now." He slightly pushed her in front of him so they could be face to face.

"I-I can explain Chan,"

"No way Y/n please tell me you're joking," his voice became harsh. The boys all turned to Y/n. They were all shocked at this because she was the last person to ever do such a thing.

"What the fuck?" Changbin's voice sounded. "You've been smoking?"

"Only a little," her voice was small. Timid almost.

"Don't lie, please don't fucking lie right now Y/n." Chan says walking closer to the younger.

"Sit down, now." Leeknow says standing up and dropping his chopsticks.

"Your only 19, I get your all 'grown' BUT your still so young. You're an idol. An idol!" Chan's hand smashes against the table making her jump in her sit.

"Okay then if you think I'm an adult I should be able to smoke or drink or-"

"Are you out of your mind momo?" He snapped back at her, "Do you know what it does to you?"

"But Chan-"

"Quit Or I'll make you quit," was all Chan said before he stormed out the room leaving her with the boys who looked very disappointed.

"I get it, you don't have to look at me like I'm some monster," she wiped her tears with her sleeve to clean the tears that run down her cheeks.

"I just don't have words for you right now, your irresponsible, selfish and careless," Leeknow's words were harsh. So harsh that even Hyunjin cringed and felt bad.

"Then kick me out the band if it's such a big deal," was all she said before she got up and run out the room down the hallway past Chan who was standing by the doors while a manger tried to calm him down and out the stadium. It was cold and she had left all her stuff inside so she was forced to run down the busy streets of New York, freezing.

Chan following after her trying to figure out what was going on.

Her body was shaking from all the tears she cried.

But she continued to run.

She was able to disappear from Chan’s sight. Now Chan was really angry and worried. He'd lost his youngest in the busy streets of New York. She was new to the city and she was an idol. Anything could go wrong. Anything could go extremely wrong.

His heart was beating out of his chest. He grabbed his phone out of his picked rushing to call his manager then leeknow and the boys.

He found himself back in the changing rooms surrounded by everyone. Trying to calm him down.

"I'll go back to the hotel just in case she's back there," Felix assured Chan while he packed up his stuff.

"I'll come with you Lix," Hyunjin grabbed his bag aswell making sure to grab her stuff from the ground. He opened to make sure all her stuff was inside but the site wasn't pretty at all.

Underneath everything he saw 4 more packs of cigarettes causing him to gasp horrendously.

"What? What is it?" Bangchan's neck snapped to his direction. Hyunjin had no words so he just passed the bag to Chan who was now terrified.

"Is she addicted?" Was all he asked before handing the bag to leeknow who was curious aswell.

Chan's hands run through his hair as he was thinking of all the possible ways he could find her in the whole of New York City. He felt guilt. He felt like if he had maybe approached this in a nicer way they could have worked through it but now his anger was just blinding him.

"Okay, police were informed and we're about to go driving around to see if we can somehow spot her," their manager tells them (he was also panicking low key but he didn’t want them knowing) , "do you guys want to join?"

"I'll come with you," Leeknow says quickly.

His hands were shaking and he felt so much guilt aswell. If anything happened to Y/n it would be all his fault and he wouldn't forgive himself.

"Same Hyung," Han jumps in.

They all grabbed their bags and the three (Han, Leeknow and Chan) quickly rushed out right behind their manager.

The rest of the boys cleaned up and quickly left to go to the hotel hoping to find her there safe and sound.

It took 5 hours. 5 hours before Felix had decided to go to the cafe by the hotel to grab drinks for everyone and he had found her sat in a coffee shop, she was shivering and cold but Felix didn’t care because he was angry and Felix was never angry. Without hesitation, Felix dragged her out and back to the hotel even if she was kicking and screaming. He didn’t care. At all. He ignored her pleas and cries.

The lecture she got from Chan and all of them was hot and mean and ruthless but at the end of the day they gave her a choice to either quit or go to rehab but she chose to quit. She “promised” them.

After an hour of grilling her for answers she finally had admitted to everything that was going on and how she felt and how she was battling her own self.

Chan was beating himself up for not noticing and Leeknow was beating himself up for not being there for her.

She was so vulnerable. They all knew her secrets and her problems. She felt like a show everyone was just watching and waiting to break.

**

6:20, Japan

The first time the boys had noticed her odd behavior was starting up again, was when they had a sign meet and a concert right after. She hadn’t been able to go for a smoke in hours, her body was now trembling and she was sweating a lot. She could barely get through anything and nausea started to grow string in the pit of her stomach.

“Hey, you okay? You kinda look pale love,” Han was sat next to her getting his makeup done and so was she. He had notice she was fidgeting a lot in the chair. Her eyes were red too.

“Yeah just really tired,” she lied and gulped down thick saliva trying to get rid of the nausea but it completely failed.

“I think I’m going to be sick-“ she got up from the chair and run through the corridors to find the bathroom and once she did she through up, but it was good it was just mucus. Her head was thumping and her throat ached.

A hurried knock made her stand up and flush before she opened the door and collapsed in Han’s hands. He was worried for his younger and now he had to curry her to the rooms.

“Hey, stay with me okay? Don’t close your eyes,” he softly said while he blew air into her face to keep her cool.

When he had walked in and found leeknow sat on their changing room couch he let out a sigh of relief.

“Leeknow help me please! It’s Y/n,” he said panicked. Without hesitation leeknow stood up quickly and took her from Hans hands and put her on the couch to lay down.

Han had run down the corridor to get medics as leeknow woke her up from her faint state.

“Momo? Can you hear me? It’s leeknow,” a soft groan left her lips.

“Would you like some water?” She nodded her head and leeknow was on it. He got on one knee and started to feed her small sips of water.

“Tell me what hurts,” he softly said and played with her hair to calm her down.

“Everything,” she softly said and it aches Leeknow’s hurt.

Y/n knew the only way for her to get out of this state was to smoke but how?

“Leeknow, I- I need to use the bathroom,” she groaned and held her hand against her head.

“If you need to puke i’ll get you a bucket love,” he assured her. He didn’t want her waking and being left alone right now. He wouldn’t allow it.

“I need to pee,”

“Okay can you wait until the medics are here?” And right on cue the door opens and a frantic Han walks into the room with a few people behind him. Then Chan and Hyunjin walked in right behind.

“What happened Y/n?” Chan asked straight away and knelt beside her while he rubbed her hands.

“I don’t know Oppa, I was just not feeling the best,”

“You should have told me my love,” he softly said as he watched the medical team examine her.

“I thought it wasn’t this bad,”

“Now you see what it has done,” Hyunjin joint the conversation. “Look how tired you look, have you eaten anything all day?” He asked her.

“I had the lunch Changbin braught me,”

“So if we called Changbin right now he would agree?” Hyunjin furrowed his eyebrows and crossed his arms. Disappointed.

“No-“

“How bad is it?” Chan asked the man in uniform.

“Not bad, she’s just really dehydrated. We’ll fix an IV on her arm and she’ll be good to go, also may I speak to you outside in the corridor,” Leeknow looks at Chan worried and they exchanged the same expression before Chan head out with the guy.

“I need to pee really bad,” Y/n whines and complains.

“Okay you can go, I’ll come with you,” the lady medic says and slowly guides her to the bathroom. Y/n grabs her lighter and cig and started to smoke it. The feelings make her body slowly awaken and then gain energy. She smoked one more just incase and then washed her hands and made her way back to the last medic.

She was able to walk on her own but just to make it not look suspicious she held onto her and then finally she sat on the couch and got the iv in her arm.

Chan was back in the room and he was examining her. Trying to look for something and once it caught his eye he looked over at the rest of the boys nodding and they all just stare at eachother.

They knew. They knew she was smoking again and it hurt Chan for what was about to come was not going to be pretty.

**

10:55, south Korea

The paparazzi lights started to increase when She stood up in the podium. Her eyes were red and she had eyebags from the lack of sleep she was getting.

Her hands shook as she grabbed the microphone. The boys stood right behind her. Their head looking at the ground trying to avoid her shaking body.

"Goodmorning, my name is Y/n Y/l/n and I'm a member of strays kids. I didn't want this to happen. Trust me I didn't,"

She took a deep breath looking at the manager that were sat in the front raw. Judging her and giving her a disgusted look.

A sob Left her mouth and she put the microphone down. Trying to get herself together before she spoke again.

"To all the stays out there, I want to say I love you and I hope you guys can forgive me for this. I will be going on haitus for a while," the room is filled with gasps as the flashlights now increase even more.

"I pray that if I do come back I will be better and stronger for you guys and that I will make my group and team proud. Thank you for loving me and i hope to see you guys soon," she bowed before taking a step back and wiping her tears.

The boys all stood around her to hide her body from the camera. Han rubbing her back and whispering something in her ear.

She didn't care though, she was upset. She was so upset with herself but she still managed to blame the boys. Her reasoning? Because she felt like they were giving her up and sending her away.

**

"Alright, are you all packed?" Their manager stood outside her room.

"Yeah" she softly said rolling her bag out and handing it to the older man.

"Alright the boys are down stairs if you want to say bye, I'll be waiting in the car," he nodded and left her to close her room and head down the steps to her band mates.

They all looked upset, there was no lie there. There were all stood by the door giving her a sympathetic smile.

"I'm going to miss you," Chan steps up and pulls her into a hug. She didn't want it though. She shrugged it off and stood there looking at him with teary eyes.

"Chan please don't do this,"

"You know I want was best for you-"

"But Chan I'll change I promise just give me a chance,"

His eyes were soft and filled with tears. Guilt was eating him up. He so badly wanted not to send her away but he didn't have a choice.

"I'm sorry," the sound of a honk interrupts them and she knew it was time for her to go.

“I hate you,” she sobbed. That was the last thing she said to him and without looking back she left the dorms. Hoping that somehow she would make it out alive.

Breaking news, strays kids maknae Y/N Y/N/L and group manager in have been left in critical condition after a fatal car crash. Was it a set up?

**

I’m not doing a part two🙈

#skz imagines #skz comfort #skz x reader #skz angst #skz drabbles #skz fluff #skz stay #skz x y/n #skz x you #stray kids drabbles #stray kids as boyfriend material #straykids x reader #stray kids angst #stray kids fanfic #stray kids x y/n #stray kids fluff #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #straykids

[thesecretwriter]

how each moon boy would react to an argument with you – part 2. 

summary: what the title says!

warning: fluff – like I said in part 1!

word count:

a/n: okayyyy, i saw the impact of part 1, i’m sorry for the angst! so here is some fluff to make it all better

minors/ageless blogs dni.

Masterlists

part 1

Steven Grant:

It was a sleepless night for him without you.

He laid in bed and stared at the ceiling aimlessly as he though back to the argument.

You were right, he shouldn’t be going to his ex-wife about issues in a private relationship.

He looked over to his nightstand and saw that his alarm clock read 2:35am.

He groaned in frustration and got out of bed to get dressed.

He had to make things right, tonight.

The corner store on your street was thankfully opened and he went into the store with the determination to get your favourite snacks.

The store had flowers, which he of course bought and in the corner of his eye he saw something shiny and knew he had to get it too.

You awoke from your sleep groggily when you heard constant knocking at your front door.

Upon opening it, you saw Steven standing there with his hands full and his hands full.

“What’re you doing here?” you ask feeling the emotions from hours ago resurfacing.

“Uh… well I came to apologize,” he said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

With a roll of your eyes, you stepped aside to let him in.

He walked in with a small smile, behind him were helium balloons which said, ‘happy birthday’ and ‘congratulations’.

You couldn’t help the small smile that made its way to your lips, but you maintained a neutral expression and locked the front door to join him in your living room.

His posture was tense as you watched him leave the contents in his hands on the nearby table. He still held the flowers in his hands as he walked to you.

“I’m sorry for everything I said and previously did. You’re absolutely right in being upset,” he said and looked at you with sincere eyes.

You knew he meant the apology, but his words and actions still tugged at your heart.

“Steven… “ you said tiredly, “I don’t know if I can-“

“No, please don’t say that,” he knew the words that were waiting to be said.

He couldn’t bare to hear them.

“I hurt you, and I shouldn’t have an I know asking you to stay with me is a lot. I just… for the first time in my life I have something I’m genuinely happy with,” he said with that all too familiar smile.

You understood his reasoning, but you needed him to understand yours as well.

“Communication in this relationship isn’t the strongest, and we need to work on that,” you said to him.

He heaved a sigh of relief.

“Tell me what I can do, and I’ll do it,”

“Layla… “ you said her name softly.

“She’s gone, I-I realised that it was extremely wrong of me to talk about you to her. I feel as though I had an obligation to compensate for the sadness I brought her previously, but i cant do it at the expense of you. it also not my place to do so,” he said truthfully.

You listened to him intently.

“Doing all of that made me blind to the fact that I was hurting you. I’m sorry, darling, so so sorry,” he made his way to you and grasped your hand with his free one whilst the other held the flowers.

“I can’t say that it’s okay, but I hope you don’t repeat this,” you said looking at him with unshed tears.

“Of course, I would never hurt you like this again,” he said honestly.

“You better not,” you say sternly but with a hint of humour.

With that being said, Steven held you close to him and didn’t want to ever let go.

Marc Spector:

He waited a few days, watching you from afar to make sure you were okay.

You were functioning well and doing things you’d usually do, but Marc could see through the front you were putting for everyone to see.

Pushing you away seemed like the best thing to do at the time, but having you away was like living without the sun in his dark world.

He needed you.

Which is why he found himself sitting in your apartment and waiting for you to come home. He’d entered your apartment by using his spare key.

It had since been 2 hours since you were supposed to be home.

Marc knew your schedule by heart.

He was about to go out and look for you when he heard the keys being put into your front door along with your muffled voice.

“Thanks for the chat, I really needed it,” you bid goodbye to whoever was outside and locked the door behind you.

Your apartment was still dark as you move around to leave your daily belongings in their respective places.

Upon turning the lights on, you saw Marc’s figure out of the corner in your eyes sitting on the couch.

You turned to him with a frown.

“If you’re here for your things, they’re in that box on the kitchen counter,” you said in a monotone, wanting to speech through the process of this one last meeting.

Marc wordlessly awoke from where he was and walked to you, the entire time he maintained eye contact with you.

He stopped walking till he was right in front of you, a hairs width away.

“What makes you think I came here for my things?” he asked in a hushed tone.

“What else would you be here for?” you said to him challengingly.

He smirked and looked to the side before looking back at you.

“You think I’d let you go that easily?” he said with a raised brow.

“You did that night,” you scoffed and folded your hands, causing him to step back.

He nodded with a clenched jaw.

“You know I didn’t mean anything I said,” he stated with sincerity.

“Sure you didn’t,” you breathed a sigh and walked away from him to the box on the counter.

He followed behind and trapped you between him and the counter before you could reach for the box and hand it to him.

“You wasted no time in gathering my things,” he said with a humourless chuckle.

“Hmm, I wouldn’t want you to deal with me any longer,” you used his words from that night.

“Y/n… “ he said trying to make you understand.

“No Marc, I can’t keep playing this game of push and pull,” you admitted, sounding tired.

“I’m not playing games,” he said offended.

You turn to face him, his body still trapping you between him and the counter.

You raised a brow at him.

“Okay. I admit, I’ve made mistakes and I’m sorry for that. Very sorry. But you’re the one thing that grounds me. I know what I said that night was out of line,” he finally apologizes.

You look at his expression intently. You can tell that he means his words.

“I need more than an apology from you,” you stated.

“Name what you want and I’ll do it,”

“I want you to be careful and take care of yourself. I know in that mind of yours you don’t care about your wellbeing, but if you care for me then you’ll take care of yourself,” you move your gaze to your hands as you talk to him.

“Of course I care about you, and if that is what you want, consider it done,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead and brought you in for a hug.

Jake Lockley:

“Mi corazón…”

“Go away Jake,” you said as you exited the grocery store.

He had been trying to make you speak with him for the passed week and all you’ve been doing is ignoring him.

Serves him right for what he did.

What you didn’t understand was why he was trying to talk to you.

“Just one moment, please,” he said sounding exhausted.

“Go bother one of your many girlfriends,” you said bitterly.

“You’re the only one,” he grabbed your shoulders and turned you towards you and hindered you from walking away.

“Jake,” you say in a warning tone.

He looks up and down the street before pulling you down an alley way. You try to protest, but he puts a hand over your mouth.

“You will listen to me,” he snapped.

You nodded tiredly and his hold on you loosened but it remained there.

“I was on Khonshu’s orders to get important information the night you came into the bar,” he said with annoyance.

Even though Jake had been the most easy to work with when it came to Khonshu, he maintained hostility when it came to you and Khonshu.

He knew you wouldn’t like Khonshu’s request, but he had to comply since it was part of the deal.

“That woman who was with me is the daughter to a man who is an avatar,” he explained further, hoping you would understand.

You studied his stoic expression. He was being truthful.

“Why didn’t you tell me before doing it?” you asked feeling hurt that he didn’t seem to trust you.

“It was too dangerous to tell you and I needed you to be safe, mi luz,”

“Well, look at the outcome of you not telling me,” you said with sadness.

Jake looked at you with equal sad eyes. The week spent without you was torture, he had an argument with Khonshu and wanted nothing more than to seek comfort from you.

“I know, mi corazón. I’m so sorry,” he said and pulled hugged you tightly.

It was rare to see Jake be so affectionate, but you know your time apart had affected him. It did the same to you.

You melted into the hug and wrapped your arms around him.

tagging those that commented on part 1:

@milkypompon @hellomynameisells @brighterthanlonelywords @the-witheredroses @secretdazeobservation @stressed-cherry

#steven grant #steven grant headcanons #steven grant fanfiction #steven grant fanfic #steven grant x you #steven grant x y/n #steven grant x reader #steven grant fluff #marc spector #marc spector headcanons #marc spector fanfiction #marc spector fanfic #marc spector x you #marc spector x y/n #marc spector x reader #marc spector fluff #jake lockley #jake lockley headcanons #jake lockley fanfiction #jake lockley fanfic #jake lockley x you #jake lockley x y/n #jake lockley x reader #jake lockley fluff #moonknight #moonknight fanfiction #moonknight fanfic #fluff

[desire-mona]

siiiigh. todd autism headcanons because im projecting.

(using they/he/she pronouns for todd in this post. will explain but also if u dont agree i dont care, tw for alcoholism. time period is vague but autism hasnt existed as a legitimate medical diagnosis for all that long, so keep it in mind i guess.)

- cannot for the life of him stand welton's blankets. so itchy, just thin enough to not warm you up enough but still make you sweat, not long enough to cover your entire body. yes im making the blanket line in their poem about actual blankets, a boy needs to vent somewhere.

- beyond terrible temperature regulation, ALWAYS just a little too hot which is made worse by her sensory issues when it comes to wet fabric. constant slight agony and it never really goes away. theyre about 5 minutes away from crying about how uncomfortable they are at all times.

- had god awful handwriting until high school, like his teachers could BARELY read his handwriting it was Bad. OOOOOH OH MY GOD THERES A TRAIN GOING BY I CAN HEAR IT HONKING this is a really ironic thing to be pointing out rn but its sooooo worth mentioning. its still honking this is fun. 🚂. anyway. her parents made her spend an entire summer fixing her handwriting bc that was like the One thing her teachers criticised. its Fine now but their motor function simply doesn't deliver in the handwriting department.

- had a VERY INTENSE special interest in aquatic life + marine biology growing up, like read every book about any ocean animal in any library intense. his parents eventually forced him to abandon it because its "not a good career focus" but he still perks up when anyone mentions fish. once talked neils ear off about the biodiversity of coral reefs for roughly 2 hours, neil took her to an aquarium for their first date. rip todd anderson you wouldve loved spongebob squarepants.

- looooves pets, namely cats, but they have Too Sweaty hands all the time so any animal fur sticks onto their hands and just feels. so awful.

- had a brief period in his 20s where he was definitely an alcoholic, started as a social drinker but got too addicted to the feeling of not having to adhere to social conventions quite as hard, especially around other drunk ppl. eventually went sober after they realised they just Cant Stand the feeling of a hangover anymore. autistic ppl r more likely to develop a dependency on alcohol if we do start drinking. just btw.

- gets a Pretty Expansive vocabulary after actually starting to pursue literature. sometimes his family lightly teases him about using big words but it confuses the hell out of him. its just a word she thought would apply best!!

- soooooo obsessed with what other ppls idea of them is, both in an anxious way and out of genuine curiosity. would never ask ppl what they think of her bc she thinks thats 1) very broad 2) seems compliment fish-y and 3) just gonna lead to "i think ur great/ nice/ whatever filler compliment." but the dream is to sit someone (neil) down and just ask him every single question possible about how he perceives him.

- asks a billion clarifying questions about anything someone asks him to do, gets anxious about how many questions he's asking, tries to just figure it out, freaks out about the possibility of getting it wrong, ends up doing the thing perfectly. weekly occurrence.

- never fully grasped the appeal of religion (most definitely grew up catholic or christian or Something) just bc she could NOT let the lack of proof go. ALSO not an atheist bc the vastness of space scares them out of it. religious beliefs r a weird topic for them.

- suppresses a good chunk of his stims in public bc One total time someone looked at him weird while he was chewing on a sweatshirt string and he was like i gotta stop NOW. eventually develops tics and has to mask THOSE in public too. dear god someone let this girl unmask. also i started ticcing while writing that bc my body does this great thing where i only tic when im reminded of the concept of ticcing. its great and totally doesnt make me think im faking them (faking for who? dunno bc it usually happens when im alone)

- DOES in fact stim around neil bc NEIL STIMS TOO!!!!!!!! joyous day when they found THAT out! gets vocal stims of random lines from whatever play neil is practicing for. YEAA ART THOU THEEEEREE was a vocal stim for a solid week and a half which made neil VERY excited (autistic neil. how i love u autistic anderperry)

- velcro is The most evil vile disgusting material to ever grace this mortal realm. he hates it more than anything ever and i mean that fully. the feeling of BOTH sides, the noise, how easily it comes apart, she hates it all.

this is the gender part

never really viewed gender and gender roles as anything to adhere to beyond the fear of punishment if they dont. finds any social convention relating to gender to be Really dumb and meaningless, bc gender isn't (scientifically) real in any capacity, so why treat it like that? for the longest time just shrugged and said "eh, i guess im a boy" bc thats what she was used to being told, and didn't feel particularly drawn to agree OR disagree. eventually realised on a late night that Wait. i dont Actually care what i am. like yeah im a Male i guess but also im just me. my brain doesnt have a gender and i basically am my brain, right? and then never really thought about it again because that's genuinely how little he cares. adhering the most to canon with that mindset, she never really tells anyone (for obvious reasons on top of the overall apathy) and just lets the he/him happen to her but. in my dream world? agender they/he/she todd anderson. and this is MY blog so those are the pronouns im using from now on. i will forever love talking abt how autistic ppl very often view gender differently than allistic ppl, will forever love talking abt how autistic ppl are more likely to be trans. autism!!!

also yes that entire paragraph is just my view of gender, change the pronouns and the todd mentions and its just me. what of it.

#desire mona #YAYYYYYYYY TODD AUTISM POST #do yall want a seperate autistic anderperry hc post cuz i can do that #genderqueer todd i love you so much #dead poets society #todd anderson #anderperry #the todd spectrum #actually autistic #banger

[boyfridged]

“You just want me gone because you don’t love me.” It does not afford him even a glance. “Don’t be stupid. If I did not love you, I could have dumped you at any corner of this cursed city when you were still a baby.” “Like you did with the foetuses or the dead women you took them out from?”

his mother says all the love in the world might not be enough for him.

– (1430) 1/1, friday night (also on ao3)

My mother did her best.  Once, she said     there will never be enough love in the world for you, but in the dream          she meant it fondly.

– acie clark, intoning

Rationally, Jay knows it has been just two days (or one and a half, really), yet he cannot help but check for the results. He has to press the laptop charger with a book to make sure it stays steady; otherwise, the old brick will shut down at once. Then, the website loads on forever.

And he has to refresh it right away. He refreshes the Wayne Foundation academic mobility scholarship application page twice, thrice, the screen blinking with its contents– Only for him to once again be faced with the bold red letters. His hand trembles slightly as he clicks on the mouse frantically. The same. 

He jumps to his feet and opens the door to the big room; the only appropriate name for what contains a kitchen, doubles as a living space and serves as a makeshift bedroom, the areas and functions blending into each other. He takes a breath in, fidgeting in the threshold. Despite its humble size, the room is meticulously organised, even the dim lightning coming from strategically placed small lamps instead of the main, ceiling one.

“Mom?”

“Mhm?” Sheila is seated on the sofa, engrossed in a magazine. There are rollers in her hair, and she’s dressed in a neatly ironed collared blue dress, so she might be planning to go out later tonight. Which means maybe he should have taken the initiative to make dinner himself instead of waiting for her summons. But that’s a problem for later.

“The website says the documents were not received.” 

She reads on, replying only after turning a glossy page: “Hm. Maybe they haven’t updated it yet.” She still does not look up at him: “Besides, you already got into that Star school, didn’t you?” 

The realisation sinks in.

"You didn’t do it,” he stutters, “You said not to post them because you’d bring them in person— And—" His voice catches with emotion, and he hates it, but he cannot help how the confusion blends with an immediate, raw sense of betrayal. It’s the knowledge he could have taken care of the matter himself, and yet– He left it in his mother’s hands, stupidly, because despite her undeniable lack of enthusiasm, she promised.

“It’s the better option, that Queen scholarship. The location. And even a preparatory summer school included-”

But that was plan B. The fact that he applied there first was just an issue of the application timelines- He swallows, his throat suddenly dry. He wants to stay in Gotham. He wants to stay in Gotham so badly his face gets hot all over with emotion. 

Jay blinks rapidly to prevent the tears from welling up in his eyes, not trusting himself to speak. Instead, he stumbles forward. On a drawer, there is a vase so ridiculous that the antique shop almost gave it away for free. His mother always acted like she was made for the finer tastes, despite not being born into them or being able to ever afford them. He pushes it away to access the stack of envelopes and find the one with the Excelsior’s logo, similarly ostentatious. 

He feels as immature as helpless when he slides the letter out to start tearing it. The pristine, thick paper falls to the shabby, lacquered wood of the floor. 

"We have a PDF of that, you know." Sheila's response is typically delayed and typically pragmatic, punctuated by a slight raise of eyebrows. Her calmness makes it all seem inevitable.

His throat is clenching. The accusation barely manages to make out of it:

“You just want me gone because you don’t love me.”

It does not afford him even a glance.

“Don’t be stupid. If I did not love you, I could have dumped you at any corner of this cursed city when you were still a baby.”

“Like you did with the foetuses or the dead women you took them out from?”

In the following bout of silence, Jay expects his mother to stand up. He expects it so readily that he can almost see it in real time. He expects her to slap him, because there was a time when she would, and short years have not served to prevent the sting in the cheek, even the purely imagined one. In that instant, he almost wishes it was real. 

She does not make a move. She does, however, finally look up at him.

“That was crude,” she huffs.  

He doesn’t care about crudeness. He cares about staying home.

“Dad would never-“

“And where’s your daddy?” 

“I’m going to see him,” he announces, turning to the door.

“You’re going to walk to Blackgate,” she says, unimpressed.

“Yes.” He grabs his jacket.

“At 9pm,” she adds, even though it’s barely 8. “Outside of the visiting hours.”

“Yes,” he repeats. He can’t suppress his tears anymore, so that final confirmation is more of a weep than an articulated response. Sheila’s grey eyes bore into him with the same hardened indifference they usually do the second he starts crying. It is only marginally better than the open frustration he could be met with.

He shuts the door and skips every two steps. The bottom of the stairs is cold to touch as he sits down, putting his father’s stiff denim on and curling in. The tears now fall earnestly. The corridor smells mildly of dampness, maybe even mould. It is almost silent, only muffled voices from the ground floor flats for his company, and he allows himself the first two sobs to echo, before hiding his head between his knees. 

Jay wants Dad. He can’t have Dad until next week. It makes him resent him, just a bit, just for a moment, because mom was right; he is not here for Jason; not now, nor truly ever. Bringing up Dad in a fight was no more efficient than betting on a losing dog. He always does it anyway.

But there was plenty more Jason could add; for example: I would rather have Cathy than you. That, he never says. Thinking about Cathy makes his breath catch violently, and cry harder anyway. Dad’s in prison, and Cathy’s dead, and he’s running out of both tears and parental figures to turn to. 

He reaches into his pocket to take out a loose, slightly crumpled cigarette and a lighter. It tingles his throat even before he even takes a drag. The actual drag makes him cough.

“These women would rather be dead than mothers,” was what Sheila said once, right after Jason found out. Sometimes recalling that defence comforted him; it did not ease the irrational guilt, but it did mean that he, at least, was not unwanted enough for her to entertain other ideas. On other days, the easy sympathy with which these words were laced haunted him instead. He chews them over again, for what feels like forever, their taste sour.

“What did I say about stealing my cigarettes?”

He startles at his mother’s voice and nearly drops it, but Sheila quickly grasps it before it burns his fingers. She extinguishes it against the wall. It was already yellowing from all the indoor smoking anyway.

“Come eat dinner.” she says, her tone curt. Her hair is relaxed. She waits patiently for him to wipe his blotchy face and follow her back. He does. The anxiety curdling in his stomach stings as he walks upstairs, watching the elegant curve of the back of her dress. 

The dinner on the table is frozen pizza, because it’s cheap and because his mom hates cooking, and a green smoothie, to compensate for the quality and the lack of nutrition. And next to that bizarre meal there’s a transparent folder. The text on the paper is still blurry to him, letters spilling away from his vision, but he recognises them for what they are; the documents requested by the Wayne Foundation along with the application form. An unfair taunt.

“I will hand it in tomorrow morning. They will accept it,” his mother says.

“And what if they don’t?” 

“Then I will speak with Wayne himself.” 

Jason half-sniffles, half-chuckles. 

“What’s so funny, hm?” she asks, reaching to gently brush his curls out of his face. The touch is so light it’s barely there. But the coldness of her hand relieves the headache he has not yet noticed, probably a result of dehydration. He takes a sip of the smoothie first. It tastes spinachy, and strangely bitter–sweet.

“Sometimes,” his mother says, her shadow dark beside,  “I feel like all the love in the world wouldn’t be enough for you.” 

She might mean it fondly.

#yutro writes #jason todd #sheila haywood

[luveline]

For the Steve zombie au, may i request r and Steve’s friends getting to know each other? Maybe they’re all eating together and r realizing she can trust these people and Steve is just so happy they all get along?

thank you for your request my love! steve zombie!au | fem!reader ♥︎ 1.2k

You're majorly surprised that Steve would be friends with Jonathan Byers. It probably seems like old news given the apocalyptic circumstances, but you remember the epic and tragic bumps of their love triangle. Nancy bouncing between them, and the eventual messy breakup. 

You're unsure if Steve knows you'd been there that night at the Halloween party. His Risky Business costume had actually done a lot to humanise him when you first met him again in the early days, and he'd been a total jerk. He'd say something cruel and you'd remember his sunglasses and his chicken dancing and get over it. 

You're not in the early days anymore. Months of hiking and fighting and zombies and, amazingly, falling in love. Steve would kick the shit out of anyone if they talked to you the way he had, and his apology for being such a grump comes everyday and in new ways. 

He has his hand between your thighs, fingertips stroking circles up toward your knee. 

"No, man, I'm serious, it was a shit show! First you, then Hargrove," he's saying, stomach digging into the table's edge with his enthusiasm. "Good thing, though, my ego was dead and gone when I needed to be humble." 

Jonathan snorts, picking through his cards with a concentrated frown. "I'm still sorry." 

"I don't want you to be sorry. I was a dick." 

"Yeah, but we were seventeen. Everyone's a dick at seventeen."  

You're having a hard time distrusting him, or any of Steve's friends, considering they're the ones who fought to get you back. They walked miles in the dark and the cold to save you, and bring you back to the community. If it weren't for them, you wouldn't be tucked into Steve's side, eyeing his cards and whispering instructions. Nobody's given you shit for it, while it's pretty much cheating, and you know why — there's a resounding feeling of pity wrapped around you. 

You still have all the cuts and scrapes of your kidnapping. The scratches on your face have barely scabbed over, your wrists still sore and torn. It's a constant reminder. You try not to look at them. 

Pity comes with a good helping of care, though. 

"Hey," Robin says, bounding into the town hall with a smile. "Where is everybody?" 

"We're early." 

"Oh. Well, I got more cards," she says, brandishing a fresh pack, plastic wrapped and everything, "Cooper didn't wanna give 'em to me, but I told him the cards club got a bunch of new members. Hopefully he doesn't come tonight." 

She pauses. "Can I sit here?" 

You nod emphatically. She can do whatever she likes as far as you're concerned. She'd been there for Steve while you were gone, and she's come to find you too. You're starting to realise that your suspicion of her had been unfounded. For the two weeks you'd slept in her room, you'd stayed up sick with nerves thinking she was gonna stab you in your sleep. It's kind of hard to believe she'd bother these days. 

Plus, you desperately want to like Robin. She's funny, and smart, and she has a really nice voice. You could listen to her talk about movies for hours, and you would, because Steve could do it too, though he's far more opinionated than you are. 

"Thank you," she says. "I got something for you." 

You sit up from Steve's side, trying your best to look like a functioning person rather than his pathetic clinger. "What?" 

"Yeah, I got this bio-oil from the medic station for your face. I mean, don't get me wrong, you'd look cool with a scar, but I thought maybe that should be up to you. And this," she says, putting the bio-oil and a white packet down in front of you. "Steve said you liked the first one." 

It's a small bar of Hershey's Cookies 'n' Creme. You stare at the two items, lost for words, and then you decide you have to be brave even if it's a little awkward, and even if you're still scared of things going wrong. 

"You didn't have to get these for me, Robin," you say. 

"I wanted to." 

You slide across the bench you're sitting on slowly, so she has time to move away. "Thank you," you say, and hold your arms out for a hug. 

She looks startled but happy, and is quick to accept your offering. "You're welcome," she says, arms crossing behind your back. 

You nod and pull away, giving her a genuine, if guilty smile. 

Just as you realise Steve has been listening, Jonathan tries to save him, roping him back into conversation. You miss his hand on your leg and consider asking for it back, and you really wish he'd stop the game altogether so you can hide under his arm again. You've been feeling rightfully fragile since you got back. Touching him makes it go away. 

But you're not a loser. Robin's breaking the seal on the new pack of cards, and you're really good at card games after so many nights alone with Steve, who's really bad at them. 

"You know gin rummy?" you ask her. 

"I do not," she says, with an air of grandness, her smile unmissable. "I'm a quick study." 

"Robs, don't let her teach you," Steve butts in, "she'll teach you how to play, but she won't teach you how to play well." 

"I only taught you badly 'cause I was mad at you," you say, rolling your eyes.

"What?" 

"Yeah, it was after we got stuck inside that taco truck, and you said I sound like a dying cat when I sing, even though you're the one who asked me to sing in the first place." 

He chuckles easily at the memory. "Oh, yeah. God, I'm sorry, you were still sick from that bad water and your throat was all raw." 

He does you the service of kissing your cheek.

"I'm sorry," he says again. "I was mean." 

"I don't buy it. That's a fake apology," Robin says. 

You burst into giggles as Steve gasps with indignation, and Jonathan lays his cards out flat on the table. 

"I win," he says. 

Steve, despite your ganging up on him, and Jonathan's poorly timed victory, doesn't seem upset at all. He's smiling one of his more secret smiles, the kind you had to dig long and hard to find, and his hand feels like love as he takes up station on your thigh again. He squeezes three times. 

You cover his hand briefly with your own, rubbing the fine hairs on the back of his fingers, before turning your attention to Robin completely. 

"I'm gonna make you a champion," you promise. 

#steve zombie!au #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington #stranger things x reader #stranger things fic #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fanfiction #stranger things #stranger things 4

[lassieposting]

Chinhands

Okay so like, long post incoming, but here me out:

This isn’t my first post on Astarion & CPTSD – there’s this one here, about some of the more obvious symptoms he might end up dealing with during his healing journey; there’s also this one, about some ways his lover might use magic to help support him in a world without therapy; and then there’s this one, which is headcanons rather than meta, but has my thoughts on vampires as camouflage predators, and how Astarion might change physically as he goes from starving to well-fed. Those kinda tie into this so, linked for easy context.

But those posts all focus on the visible aspects of CPTSD – the symptoms everyone around you can pick up on. And. The thing is. A lot of the longterm effects of extensive trauma are actually not outwardly obvious. They're quiet. Insidious. Fundamental facets of your worldview become warped and twisted by your traumatic experiences. You look at the world - or at least, the parts of the world affectd by your trauma - through a goddamn funhouse mirror, and that's your normal. And part of the healing process - I'll pause here for us all to share a collective bitter laugh - is realising just how broken your idea of How The World Works is, and having to relearn from the ground up how things actually function outside of your trauma bubble.

So, y’all know what I think Astarion would struggle with without even realising it?

Disordered eating. A messy, complicated, love-hate relationship with food and how feeding makes him feel about himself.

Like. Most living things are hardwired to avoid certain negative experiences. A creature that has starved will often hoard food to ensure they won’t starve again. A creature that has fallen from a great height and experienced physical pain will be more careful to avoid other falls in future. A social creature that has experienced humiliation or disgrace will be distressed by those feelings, and adjust their behaviour to try and avoid feeling them again. The more bad experiences we have with a specific stimulus – drinking blood, in Astarion's case - the more we associate that stimulus with the negative physical or emotional consequences we will suffer, and the more avoidant we are likely to become.

As a real life example: an autistic child who talks enthusiastically about her special interest and is met with mockery and social rejection by her classmates will learn to hide her authentic self from the world to try and fit in: the pain of the bullying motivates her to distance herself from her own autistic tendencies, which are an essential component of how her brain works. She ends up trapped between her deep desire to engage with her special interest, and the training she has received from her peers that to do so is bad, unacceptable, social suicide. She learns to hate her autistic behaviours for causing her to be bullied, but she still feels the need to engage in them.

Astarion is in the same boat. He craves blood anyway as a vampire, and the hunger is made all the more intense because he is starving. But for the first 200-ish years of his undeath, we know that feeding has been a deeply unpleasant experience for him, and that will have left a deep imprint on how he sees the act of feeding, how it makes him feel. To eat is one of the most basic instincts of every single living (and, in this case, undead) creature, a fundamental source of positive emotions (satisfaction, fullness, satiety, enjoyment, happy taste buds etc) with a massive impact on a creature's quality of life - and Cazador has gleefully warped and twisted the very concept into an attack on his spawns' personhood. He uses it to dehumanize and humiliate them, and that's all they've ever known. So they will have learned to associate feeding with deeply negative emotions - humiliation, shame, disgust, fear and pain. For example:

STARVATION

Astarion tells us that Cazador fed him just barely enough to keep him functioning. Starvation is a trauma that, on its own, is likely to cause disordered coping behaviours in the victim. We actually see some of these in-game:

Astarion keeps a sizeable stash of bottled blood in his tent. This is an example of resource hoarding – he’s afraid of starving again, and he’s stockpiling food as a safeguard.

Individuals who have suffered starvation (or who have been forced to follow a restrictive diet by a parent as adolescents) often find that they struggle to impose healthy limits on their own food intake once food is plentiful lor they age out of the parent’s dietary control). We see this in Astarion during the bite scene: he can kill the player character if they fail a roll to convince or force him to stop feeding before he drains them dry.

We know that Astarion's feeding time is late at night – he tells the player that he’ll come to them for a meal once they’re in their bedroll and everyone is asleep. This seems like a strange choice, considering Astarion's tenuous self-control, but my personal headcanon is that he feeds so late because, like many starved creatures, he’s food-aggressive. Cazador absolutely seems the type to throw an insufficient number of rats to his starving spawn for them to fight over: Astarion is likely used to having to viciously defend his paltry meal, or one of his siblings will take it from him. So the player starts out offering him breakfast along with everyone else – but they’re interrupted, Gale nearly loses a hand when Astarion snaps at him, and the decision is made to feed him separately, so he doesn’t feel threatened.

SENSORY DISTRESS

Astarion talks about being compelled to choke down the blood of bugs and putrid rat corpses - at one point idly remarking that, "I've eaten things that would disgust most vultures." - so we know that a lot of what Cazador was feeding him was a) already dead and b) actively going off, and that offers up so many potential sensory triggers.

After death, blood begins to coagulate, clotting and curdling into a semisolid - that could be a texture issue.

Rotting corpses smell vile - that could be a scent issue.

We know putrid corpse blood doesn't taste good to vampires - iirc he calls it sewer water or dirty ditch-water, in comparison to "plonk" (woodland animal blood) and "fine wine" (the player character's blood).

Corpses often also come with the lovely bonus of maggots, which are a hardcoded signal to humans (and presumably elves) that food is no longer fit for consumption. The disgust response is instinctive, to make us avoid eating the rotten item. But Astarion would’ve had to choke it down anyway – probably wanting to hurl all the while.

NEGATIVE ASSOCIATIONS

Astarion tells us at one point that if he refused the disgusting carcasses Cazador gave him, his alternative was being flayed alive. That makes the disgusting food a choice, and one he doesn't really have any choice but to make. He would also need to be fed after his torture sessions in the kennels, to give him enough blood to heal himself before being sent out after more victims. This would eventually build a link in his mind between being fed and being hurt.  

There's also a dialogue where Astarion explicitly tells us that Cazador would suggest they dine together after Astarion brought someone home for his master to feed on. The alternative, as above, is getting flayed. So that makes a horrible three-way feedback loop of negative emotions: being forced to prostitute himself -> being forced to feed -> being tortured -> being forced to feed again -> and round and round again.

BODY IMAGE

This one is more headcanon than theory and ties into my other post about vampire biology, but it's still a point worth mentioning imo. Astarion's life has essentially revolved around sex, however unwilling, for 200 years, and that's become intrinsically linked with his identity - the way he sees himself, the way he interacts with the world. He makes several comments that all but explicitly state that he views himself as a prostitute, and his entire survival strategy in the outside world hinges on his ability to essentially leverage his attractiveness and his bedroom skills to snag himself a smitten protector. Iirc, there's a point in one of the breakup dialogue trees where he'll bitterly refer to sex as his only talent and say that he knows what people think he's good for. He is putting on an act almost constantly, always thinking about how best to portray himself to get the outcome he wants, how to make use of his target's desire for him.

And? This man has, for 200 years, been taught that people like him starving. He knows that the dehydrated-muscle, prominent-collarbone, deathly-pale hungry-eyed vampire look works for him. He's been found consistently desirable even though he doesn't look anything like a healthy, well-fed vampire should, and for someone who's so reliant on being hot, that's going to be hard to let go of. At this point, it may well make him anxious to be so well-fed that his body functions start coming back online, that he can fill out a little to how he looked when Cazador first turned him, that his unshakeable seducer act can be disrupted by things like blushing for flattery. After 200 years of seeing your body starving and thinking that that is how you are at your most attractive, being able to far better imitate a living elf could well be quite distressing for him.

So. At this point, as the game begins, Astarion most likely mostly hates feeding. It makes him feel terrible – degraded, humiliated, disgusted – and has almost no redeeming features. The blood he’s getting doesn’t even taste good, let alone sate his hunger. Feeding him is, essentially, just another torture technique of Cazador's. And yet, he still craves it desperately – debases himself begging for it, feels pathetically grateful for the tiniest scrap he’s given, finds his mouth watering at the sight of vermin. That’s already a horrible, mixed-up place to be emotionally.

And now it's going to get more confusing for him. Enter the player character.

Astarion gets to feed on a thinking creature for the first time, and with it, an array of positive emotions and sensations he's never gotten to experience before, in all the time he’s been a vampire. For example:

SOCIAL SUPPORT

When the PC calls Astarion out for trying to sneakily bite them in their sleep, he explains that he usually feeds on animals, but he's currently too weak and slow to bring any down. This is interesting, because in his Origin, it's a nightmare about Cazador that prompts him to bite a companion. But...I don't think it's a lie. We see multiple times throughout the game that Astarion doesn't cope well with being put on the spot - he gets flustered and kind of starts rambling - but this line comes off without hesitation. It is, if not the truth, still a truth. And the PC doesn't take advantage of that admission - he's vulnerable, but the PC doesn't hurt him or try to make him pay them with sex. Instead they just...feed him.

PHYSICAL STRENGTH & MENTAL CLARITY

He explicitly tells you that he feels strong after drinking from you – and he goes straight out hunting, backing that up – and he has a surprised exclamation that his mind is “finally clear”. He’s been living with hunger-induced brain fog for centuries. He must feel like you’ve given him his brain back.

JOY

He’s sated. He just had a meal that tasted good. He's getting all those positive food feelings for the first time - a massive rush of endorphins to a brain starved of happy chemicals for two hundred years. How many things have made this man happy since he died? It would be overwhelming.

CONNECTION

Held up against how Astarion is used to being treated, this gesture from the PC is an overwhelming show of kindness and generosity. They choose to trust him - even though, as he'll admit in the graveyard, that's an objectively stupid thing to do - and they offer freely something that makes him feel good. Him, a man who's usually forced to degrade himself for "rewards" that make him feel terrible. And as if that's not enough, they accept him for what he is, continue to give him the protection of a group, and they defend him to the others in the morning. He's feeling grateful and giddy and warm for the first time in centuries, and he knows it's all thanks to you.

But

That's going to give him a lot of complicated feelings, because he still has all those negative emotions related to feeding too. And they're not going to go away just because he's found out thinking creature blood is actually nice. They're going to clash against that new enjoyment and make him feel all confused and weird and mixed up. He might still feel shame, even though he enjoyed the meal. He might still find himself wrestling with pointless dread, because he associates feeding with torture and abuse, even though he knows Cazador is miles and miles away. It's a small step towards seeing feeding in a less negative light, but that’s all. And like, up to this point he hasn’t even realised that he might be able to enjoy drinking blood, because to him, Cazador's horrors are normal. That’s all he’s ever known – the only experience of food he’s ever had as a vampire. Feeding Is Horrible And Degrading is a fundamental fact of life that he’s just starting to realise...may not actually be true. That’s like...having a rug yanked out from under his feet. Scary. Distressing. Out of control. Which could make him lean more towards avoiding feeding for a while, to get that control back.

So how do the scales start to tip more towards really enjoying feeding?

I think it would be the introduction of the social aspect. As just this once becomes regular feeding arrangement, he's going to realise that he gets the high of all those positive emotions every time he feeds from the PC, and he's going to start associating that giddy, happy feeling with them specifically. Because we know that while animal blood is Fine He Guesses, and he does get merry on bear blood at one point, it's nothing remotely close to person blood. Woodland creatures still make up a decent chunk of his diet, but he doesn't get the same emotional kick out of them.

And like. He likes feeling good like that. It's addictive. So he'll keep wanting to go back for more – making excuses to spend more time with them, with feeding being a very convenient excuse. He's creating a positive feedback loop for himself of happy chemicals and like, crush feelings, and every time he indulges, he’s unwittingly handing over tiny little fragments of trust and affection in exchange. It's difficult not to start liking someone who makes you feel good, especially if you're so unfamiliar with the feeling. He finds himself that little bit less tense around his willing midnight snack. He laughs more easily around them, finds he's more inclined to indulge do-gooder tendencies, realises he's starting to enjoy spending time with them. He doesn't necessarily realise it, but feeding is no longer just about quenching his blood thirst. It's become a bonding activity. He’s like a semiferal rescue animal, building an emotional connection with you as protector and provider. He’s learning that you’re trustworthy.

And then, as your relationship with him develops and deepens, sex gets involved, and he plays himself.

In one of the dialogues where Astarion offers the PC sex, he explicitly calls it a reward for feeding him, and flirtatiously brings up PC's biting kink - that he can tell they enjoy it when he drinks their blood. This always lowkey makes me laugh because like. Up to this point, Astarion has had no reason to ever connect feeding with sex. Cazador doesn't let him drink from thinking creatures, and since Astarion talks about his prey being "dragged away" to be fed on, it seems like Cazador generally took his meals privately, so mixing the two isn't something Astarion got from watching him. This is something he's picked up from you.

Anyway. I'm not sure which way around they happen, but during his first sex scene, Tav gets the option to encourage him to bite them again, and he will. Obviously, he's not going to turn down "vintage wine", but this also makes strategic sense from the perspective of his plan to get Tav to protect him - he's probably thinking that he's locked them down because they can't scratch this particular itch elsewhere. They now need him. Except - whoops, he actually likes sleeping with them, and he's starting to catch feelings. And because he's come to associate biting Tav with all those good feelings anyway, making it A Sex Thing just shifts his perspective a little, makes him realise that he’s getting something out of these interactions that he gets hooked on.

Feeding has become a source of emotional intimacy. He's beginning to feel loved, cared for, valued. Close to the PC. And that, to someone so utterly love-deprived, is potentially enough to make it feel more positive than negative over time.

(As a side note, I quite like the idea that it'll become a sort of self-soothing strategy for him for a while. If he's stressed or afraid or hurting, he'll nibble on the PC to remind and reassure himself that he can - that he's safe and loved and no longer starving. He'll nip at them to deliberately induce those positive feelings of emotional closeness in himself, if he thinks they'll outweigh the bad ones that come with.)

But even so, those bad associations will probably never fully go away or stop affecting him. He’ll probably still always hear Cazador's belittling laughter if someone walks in on him feeding – look at you, boy, not so proud now, are you? Crawling on the floor for vermin, how utterly pathetic. He’ll probably always wrestle with feelings of stress and anxiety after feeding for no obvious reason, because his primitive lizard brain still treats it like a traumatic experience sometimes even when he's feeding on his living, trusted lover. It’s going to take him such a long time to wrap his head around just how fucked up all the reactions Cazador trained into him are, how different from his new experiences as a free vampire.

Anyway. Idk how well I explained all these thoughts but. Yeah. Astarion + disordered eating issues.

#bg3 #bg3 meta #bg3 headcanons #astarion ancunin #tw eating issues #tw disordered eating #tw ed

[doctorbunny]

The mission to track down (most of) the locations in Ai Nan Desu Yo!

Firstly, I want to thank @archivalofsins /Gunsli-01, this whole thing started because of us DMing, wondering if we could use the background images in Mahiru's first MV to guess which university she went to, that started this whole adventure. By the end of this saga, the process truly was a collaboration too and i would've given up much sooner (sorry for taking so long to write this up!)

It started here. The caption says Mahiru is sat on the 大学のテラス (University terrace). So we figured this was the best shot to find her uni. Gunsli tried reverse image search but it just kept throwing milgram back at us. So I got an idea:

The magic of photo editing! it worked too and I got this back:

That's right! This isn't a university but a pizza place! Specifically one called 800 ディグリーズ ナポリタン ピッツェリア (800 degrees Neapolitan pizzeria) It is right next to two universities however:

Of these two, I speculate Aoyama Gakuin University is more likely to be Mahiru's as they have a large humanities department and an option to take Chinese language classes (interestingly, it is also a Very Christian university and we know from question 19 of Mahiru's trial 1 interrogation, she believes people go to Heaven when they die. There is also a lot of focus on international students and the campus nearest the pizza resturant has a 'statue of Love' in the Majima Archives building)

Inspired by this fruitful discovery I decided to try my method on other photos:

I jumped all the way over to day 13 because I felt like the sign would aid in my search. Before I bothered with any photo editing I just did some google searches "Tokyo Marun-" I got the autofill result 'Tokyo Marunouchi hotel' after investigating it wasn't the right place but we had a location name "Marunouchi" Trying again I typed "Tokyo Marunouchi Street" Autofill gave me "Marunouchi Street Park": Bingo!

This must be some kind of iconic sign because there were a ton of results for it. The bad news is that the sign was portable and only placed out for special events. So I introduce the next weapon in my arsenal: Google Streetview With a street to work with I walked up and down Morunouchi Naka-doori avenue until I got to a building with similar square pillars to the one behind Mahiru

This place is the MyPlaza, it's got a couple different shops, but importantly there is a function room you can rent out for events just like the wedding reception Mahiru attended here. This one turns out to be further away than some of the other discoveries but it makes sense because Mahiru is travelling to an event, not on a date.

Back to photo editing! This is one of two shrines I'll identify, they become important as they get special icons on google maps, becoming landmarks to search around later.

This is the Meiji Jingu Shrine

I was on a roll so quickly moved to day 14, however, my editing trick wouldn't work here so it would only be later that I uncovered the location of the park

Searching for day 11 was much more fruitful

I was really excited to track this one as Mahiru mentions it being the filming location for her favourite movie. So I thought if we could discover that, then we may unlock more clues about her as a person

I got about this far before realising I could try a different tactic. If this was a well known spot, surely in my broken Japanese I could google it right? So with a little help of my dictionary I spat out "Tokyo red hand railing movie". Somehow this barely worked

The movie? Your Name

At this point I was rolling on the floor laughing because I had been expecting some Japanese cult classic romance movie or a domestically popular but internationally obscure rom com meanwhile Your Name was a massive box office smash hit in many places. One of the few anime movies that even non-anime fans will be aware of.

Despite this, I hadn't actually seen it myself and wasn't really in the mood to watch it (I had more locations to track down, dammit) but fortunately Gunsli came in clutch, having previously seen the movie and also in the mood to rewatch it for clues about Mahiru.

These stairs are actually at a place called Suga Shrine, making this our second landmark. (Fun fact: if you look it up you'll find pictures of movie fans recreating photos of the place)

We were starting to build up an idea of Where Mahiru's world was, the border between Shibuya and Shinjuku ward. There were several parks in the area, so I figured I'd set out to find the day 14 park location by searching through each one. I was worried this would take a while but when I started with the biggest park, Yoyogi, I basically hit jackpot right away. Immediately upon seaching it, google recommended me results for images of the park at night. It turns out that Yoyogi had a large area used for concerts (that also may have been used for movie nights). By chance, I found this image from the park at night

which looks awfully similar to the lamp/benches seen in the background of day 14... According to Gunsli, the nearby yoyogi station is featured in an important scene in Your Name, so that's another thing pointing towards them being in this park. It's not solid evidence but we'll come back to this later.

At this point I'm both hyped up and bored, so to amuse myself and just to see if I can, I decide to search for the place Mahiru's boyfriend is working at in day 8

At first I had written it off as pointless to even try searching, but Gunsli noticed that in the top left corner you can see a hint of the store's sign. It is the same colours as a Seven Eleven (a chain that exists both in the US and Japan) This greatly narrowed down my search, as it ruled out the many Family Marts and Lawsons in the area (I cannot stress how many convenience stores there are in Tokyo) Unfortunately, there were still many 7/11s to search through and thus leads to the several hours I spent on google maps, individually going to each 7/11 in Shibuya and trying to look for those bike racks, floor tiles and old security camera. It was demoralising. But when hope was nearly lost and I almost gave up (there was a heat wave outside so my brain was melting during this). Gunsli reminded me of something very important. On day 8 we get two images, the above of Mahiru waiting outside the 7/11, and one of her sat on a park bench. If we were right about the day 14 park being Yoyogi, then surely our 7/11 would be in walking distance? The search began again. The third 7/11 I found near the park was it.

In one fell swoop I had confirmed both day 8 and 14. In celebration I made a tumblr post

Now, at this point I'm running out of images to search for because a lot of the locations in Ainan are indoors, meaning they could be taken from a studio or even one of the milgram crew's homes (which isn't actually uncommon) and thus, not a relavent location. I did half heartedly attempt to look for the day 9 bar, but as you can imagine, without any external landmarks it was even more of a goose chase than the 7/11...

The last location I decided to look for was all the way back in day 5

This edit was pretty tough to make so i was very annoyed when it didn't work. By this time it was late at night, but Gunsli had a hunch that this would be a well known running route, so started looking for those. By the time I'd woken up, she got it down to a route called the Imperial Palace Running Route, which is very popular (especially with tourists, it is recommended to give it a go if you're in the area)

I found it on streetview by following road signs seen in a video of someone running the route Gunsli found (the part in Mahiru's video appears at about 1:35)

It's an area called Takebashi and here is a screenshot both of what we saw in ainan, as well as what Mahiru would've seen in the direction she ran (the route loops back on itself)

Ok I'm tired it's 1 am, finally here's a really rough map of everywhere in relation to each other

An interesting thread throughout is that many of these places are sort of tourist-y, suggesting Mahiru's boyfriend may not be from Tokyo either. The university (assuming I'm guessing the right place) taking in lots of international students and Mahiru's boyfriend working at a 7/11 (which Japanese people can do but is also Stereotypically the part time job of choice for people from outside Japan while studying) could perhaps even hint to him not being Japanese, but it's all speculation right now

I hope you enjoyed this long rambly mess, I'm so sorry it took me so long to write it all up....

#mahiru shiina #milgram #ミルグラム #milgram theory #long post

[jackles010378]

Sleepyhead Dean: The confession part 1.

Morning after the night before, y/n wakes up on the couch alone so she goes to find Dean will they confess their feelings? Let's see..........

Y/n woke with a sore back and a crick in her neck. Finding her bearings she realised that Dean had gone, he was no longer lying next to her. She grabbed the blanket and threw it over her shoulders. She made her way to the kitchen and over to the coffee machine.

She always needed her coffee first thing otherwise she couldn't function. Waiting for the coffee to brew, a million thoughts were swirling around her mind.

Those thoughts mainly consist of Dean. Why didn't he wake her up when he got up, was he ashamed of her, did she repulse him that much he had to get away from her. Hearing the machine beep, she was pulled out of her thoughts. She grabbed herself a mug and poured her first cup of the morning. "Hope youve made enough for all of us sweetheart" she heard as she had her back to the door.

She instantly froze on the spot. Not wanting to look at him straight away she answered "yeah sure, knock yourself out". She felt him come up behind her to grab a cup but moved quickly and sat at the table, the blanket still draped over her shoulders.

Dean turned to face her and stared for a while. He walked over and sat opposite her. She didn't look at him, instead she nurses the cup in both hands looking at it intently. "Y/n, sweetheart, have i done something wrong? I mean you've barely looked at me since I walked in here, is it because I made fun of your silly movie?" You got up from your seat and walked off mumbling something about needing a shower. Dean rubbed a hand down his face saying to himself "I'll never understand women, never".

After your shower you threw on your clothes with a flannel you had stolen from Dean, you let out a sigh and went in search of the eldest Winchester. You knocked softly on his door but there was no answer. So you knocked again but a little louder. Still no answer. Your shoulders slumped.

You walked down to the library when at first you saw his boots propped up on the table. As you turned the corner he had the laptop on his thighs, oh how you wished you could sit where that laptop was. Shaking the thoughts from your head you let out a small cough.

Dean saw you walking over and sat up straight in his seat. You sat next to him and grabbed the book you were reading the day before about shapeshifters. You could see from the corner of your eye that he was staring at you "take a picture Dean, it will last longer" to your surprise Dean got his phone out and took your picture.

You heard the shutter go off and threw him a look "you better delete that right now or I swear to chuck", he pulled his chair closer to you and looked straight in your eyes "you swear to chuck what?".

You couldn't deny the tension between you, the way his eyes were staring straight into your soul, the way his jaw clenched when he looked at your lips. His hand rested on the top of your thigh. Squeezing it slightly drove you insane. You couldn't hide the way you bit your lip as his hand made contact, he saw what reaction you had to his touch. Your breathing getting a little quicker. He leaned in a little closer and repeated "you swear to chuck what sweetheart?" Before you could answer, his lips were ghosting your cheek, slowly edging round to look you back in the eyes.

You could feel his breath on your face. He looked back at your lips then to your eyes. He gently cupped your face in one hand and you leaned into his hand, "your so damn beautiful y/n" before you knew it Dean was kissing you. It was slow at first, softly pecking at your lips then running his tongue across your bottom lip. You allowed him access and his tongue was tangling with yours.

You suddenly stopped the kiss and pulled away. Dean still held on to you. "Dean, what are we doing" you asked him. He brought his hand up to cup your cheek "I'm doing what I should have done a long time ago, y/n, I have liked you for the longest time. Damn I can't remember when I blurred the lines with our friendship, but I did. I don't just wanna be your friend, I wanna be more, if you'll have me?".

This, this right here is what you've been waiting for since you met Dean, but are you ready to take the next step with him?

Part 2 coming soon 🥰

Thanks for reading 😁

@k-slla

@janineb86

@kaleldobrev

@cevansbaby-dove

@deans-spinster-witch

#jensen ackles #dean winchester #jackles #jensen ross ackles #supernatural #soldier boy #spn cast #deanwinchtser #jensen ackles gifs #beau arlen #dean winchester fan fiction #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester x you

[yqswo]

grumpy

pairing : park minju x fem!reader

summary : after not attending school for a week because of your fever, your girlfriend who is also the student council president has been living with a grey cloud with her.

genre : fluff, angsty, kinda nsfw at the end

cw/tw : men, harassing, violence, bruises and wounds.

“Good morning, y/n!” A bright Jeemin greeted you while hugging your side.

“Morning Jee!” You smiled lovingly, opening your arms so that Youngseo and Hyewon who was behind Jeemin can hug you too. You all shared a group hug before pulling away.

As you pulled away, Jeemin looked at you with her puppy eyes and pouted. You chuckled before caressing her cheeks.

“It’s been a while since I last saw you.” Jeemin muttered while fixing her hair.

“Sorry, I had a fever.” You chuckled awkwardly, scratching your not-so itchy nape.

You missed school last week because you had a severe fever. You didn't have enough energy to do anything, so you spent the entire week resting in bed. Your parents have already taken you to the clinic to get some medicine and have you checked out. You could hear a number of notifications from your phone, but you're so unwell that you can't even get it from beside the bed.

“I’m glad that you feel better now.” Youngseo smiled, patting your head afterwards. “But, I feel like someone is still in a bad mood since last week~” Youngseo giggled, you look up at her, feeling confused.

“Hm, I wonder why our students president was so grumpy last week?” Hyewon said, pretending to think.

You laughed and quickly realised what they meant. You feel bad for not informing your girlfriend that you're sick. Even your mother wondered whether you tell Minju about it or not, because you discovered that Minju had called your mom to asked why you didn’t came to school. You wouldn't be surprised if the notifications is all from her.

“She is?” You giggled as they all snapped their heads toward your direction.

“She’s like way grumpier than she already is!” Youngseo rolled her eyes playfully, remembering what happened last week.

They told you that last week, during the morning assembly, Minju won’t let them seat and suddenly her speeches were so damn long. You couldn’t believe it when they said that Minju was in her office all day long. Minju’s friends were also worried about that girl.

“Ay, there’s no way it’s all because of me-”

“It is!!” Your friend group and Minju’s friend group said in unison causing you to flinched.

“Where did you guys even came from?!?” You shrieked.

By the look of it, it seems like they were just passing by. You couldn’t help but to noticed that Minju isn’t with them, that’s weird.

“Uh, we were just passing by and couldn’t help but to eavesdrop y’all talking.” Yunah laughed out loud but then she stopped when Jeongeun slapped the back of her head.

“Talking about Minju, she’s still walking around with a grey cloud with her.” Jeongeun sighed, massaging her temples.

“Damn y/n, you really should go and talk to her asap. That girl isn’t even functioning properly since she’s so worried about you.” Jihyun said, wrapping her arms around your shoulders. “Did you not tell her that you’re sick?”

You shakes your head, “no I didn’t, I was so sick that I can barely open my eyes.” You pouted.

“By the way, do you guys have any meetings today?” You asked Yunah, Jihyun and Jeongeun since they’re also in the student council.

“Nope, we don’t have any today.” Jeongeun said as you nodded in response.

“Don’t worry, you have the whole day to make it up to Minju. Just don’t do anything freaky in her office!” Yunah teased and went to her class with Jihyun and Jeongeun trailing behind her, bidding you guys goodbye. Your cheeks flushed a bright pink tint at what Yunah just said.

“It’s time for us to go too, let’s go!” Hyewon said, linking her arms with yours.

Your first and second periods went well, and you have virtually the same classes as Youngseo. Even if you were told to stop chatting so much, it was still enjoyable. It was recess, and you sat next to Jeemin, drinking your banana milk. You also brought an extra one for Minju, as you want to meet her when school finishes.

“You sure, y/n?” They asked, when you told them to just go home first without you later.

“Yeah, I planned on meeting Minju for a while. You guys can go first.” You smiled as they all nodded.

“Bye, y/n!” Jeemin waved at you and you waved back at her, before making your way to Minju’s office.

You were almost at her office when you ran into someone, forcing you to fall. "Ouch…" you winced. You sense a presence in front of you and look up to find two terrifying-looking students. Their uniform made it clear that they were not from around here. You thoughts were cut off when one of them grabbed you by your collar.

“My my, what a pretty lady like you doing here?” He chuckled as he let go off your collar.

“U-um, I just need to go to that office so please excuse me.” You said, attempting to walk away but was stopped by another man standing in front of you.

"Calm down, what's the hurry for?" He stated while looking at you with hunger and lust in his eyes. He looked around before bringing you closer to him, pressing your bodies together. And there's another man at your back. You swear you want to cry at this point.

“Hey, why not let’s have some fun hm?” He whispered and started caressing your body, you let out a whimper when the other man covered your mouth with his hands. Your tears were pouring out like a waterfall right now and you wished for nothing but someone or that specific someone to save you.

The man in front of you was about to touch you again, but before he could, he was pulled back roughly by the hair. You flinched but took the chance to bite the man at your back palms, causing him to let out a yelp. You were quick to run a little bit far away, and you tried your best to look through your wet eyelashes. And there you saw Minju throwing blow after blow to the both of them. Her shirt wasn’t tucked in, she threw her blazer somewhere else, and her tie was loosening a bit. Minju kept fighting before a teacher came and stopped her. It seems like it was the two dudes, teacher. He apologised to Minju and your principal before pulling his students away. The principal asked if Minju was okay, and she said she’s fine, before the principal left to settle with those two. 

Through your vision you saw Minju came to you and kneeled in front of you before picking you up in bridal style. You nuzzled your face in her necks and let her carry you to what felt like her office. She put you down on the sofa before going to close the door. She came back to you and kneeled in front of you with her hands caressing your thighs.

“Love,” she called out, and you hummed in response. You wiped your tears away and looked at her. You saw that her lips were bleeding and her temple was bruised with an ugly purple colour. 

You cupped her face, and she leaned into your warm palms. You peck her nose softly before standing up to take a medkit. A few moments later, you sat back down with a medicine kit in your hands. You patted the empty seats beside you as a sign to tell her to sit down. 

In silence, you carefully treated her wounds. You’re being extra careful with the one that’s still bleeding. Without realising it, you were so focused on treating Minju’s wound that you didn’t see that she was staring at you the whole time. You only realised that when you started treating her lips and making eye contact with her.

She smiled softly before you went back to treating her bruised lips like you weren’t completely flustered by that. “Stop it, i need to focus.”

She just chuckled quietly and continued staring at you until you’re done. You pull away and look at her wounds, looking a bit better than before.

“Um, don’t i get a kiss for being obedient?” Minju asked nonchalantly, making you roll your eyes.

“Is this really the grumpy president everyone been talking about?” You scoffed before laughing at how Minju’s pouting.

“Aw, come on…” she mumbled, intertwining your hands afterwards. You giggled quietly before pecking her lips.

You pull away and saw Minju still pouting. “Why? Is that not enough hm?”

“I want a kiss, and that’s only a peck.”

“Minju, your lips taste like ointment you know.”

“Tch, if you won’t kiss me then I will.” she smirked before pinning you down against the sofa.

Let’s just say, the ointment on her lips were no longer there for some, reasons.

a/n — i don’t really like this 😭 imma make another one soon as an apology ;)

#minju #park minju #minju illit #r u next? #runext #park minju x fem reader #illit #kpop #wlw #yqswo’s

[colourstreakgryffin]

Hey girl/boy Heyy so what if yan!flamehashira!Senjuro with a demonslayer+lovebreathinguser!reader who even tho is energetic, has a heart of literal shiny gold with pure intentions she is gullible, straight up reckless/impulsive with no such knowledge of what fear is?? (Reader is based of a kny oc i have lolz + we making Senjuro become a flame hashira because why the hell not + (cue Senjuro almost having double heart attacks the moment his s/o literally fucking JUMPS into an ongoing battle with a demon like it's nothing)

I’m a girl, thank you! Cutee! Okay! So I assume Senjuro takes up the mantle from Kyojuro! I like the idea!

Yandere! Flame Hashira! Rengoku Senjuro

Senjuro may have spent years and years to become the new Flame Hashira after his beloved big brother was taken away from him, but all his intense hardwork means nothing to him now…

Now that you’ve showed up, Senjuro’s world has changed for good. Introduced as Mitsuri’s cute friendly Tsuguko! He can barely function in his position anymore as he falls deeply in love with you

After the meeting, Senjuro just can’t stop thinking about you and his growing obsession gets so bad that he needs to see you to quell his overwhelming desires of you. It’s get so bad that it’s painful, he needs to find you and figure out why he feels this way

Senjuro gets the closer and closer to you since he has realised he wants to get to know you. He wants to make you more than his friend and it breaks his heart that you suggest looking for a boyfriend of your own

Senjuro is fascinated by the way you perform your master’s Love Breathing. You look so beautiful and skilled, it makes his flame-coloured eyes shape into love hearts. You’ve taken his heart and ran away with it, his love for you is devoted entirely to you

Senjuro abuses his Hashira position quite a lot, all so he can be besides you. He has lots of experience and talent under his belt, you’d happily follow his orders, right? Sure, you’re working under Mitsuri, but he is much better. Ignore her, he can fight and cook. Isn’t that nice?

Senjuro shares quite a lot of Yandere traits with Kyojuro. He is scary, he is switchcard-like inbetween normal and Yandere, he is passive-aggressive, he is willing to threaten and scare his rivals with his katana to ensure nobody will touch you

Senjuro simply loves your pure shiny heart of gold, you never have bad intentions. Your every action is thought-out to benefit people and he adores such a wonderful woman like you. He keeps note on your behaviours so he can fit into his delusional fantasies, make a picture of mental image of you

Senjuro basically explodes when you jump into battle independently. You can handle yourself very well, but that doesn’t mean he will let go of his overprotective nature because he won’t. He loves you too much to let you die, especially with how reckless you are

You’re gullible with a complete lack of fear and that strikes Senjuro with so much stress and concern over your safety and life is forcing his hand into constantly monitoring you. It’s killing two humans with one katana; it helps him collect needed information on you and makes sure you won’t ever be in danger without him knowing

Senjuro is obsessive and possessive over you, that it’s scary. He clings onto your hand and pulls you away from the general public, trying to smoothly verbally manipulate you into paying attention to him solely. He can’t stand you merely looking at somebody else, he wants your eyes on him and he’ll do anything to get those eyes

“Darling-tea, don’t push yourself too far. Those… civilians lives and this career isn’t worth your sweat nor blood! How about we go inside and I’ll make us your favourite refreshments? You’ve done more than enough, I’m proud”

#kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #anime and manga #kny imagines #headcanons #kny hashira #yandere imagines #yandere romance #rengoku senjuro #senjuro rengoku #yandere senjuro rengoku x reader #yandere headcanons #yandere #yandere senjuro rengoku #senjuro x reader #kny #kny headcanons #demon slayer headcanons #demon slayer senjuro #kny senjuro #Hashira au #innocent Senjuro babey

[marmolady]

Grandchildren: Beatriz

Summary: Endless Ending timeline. Middle-aged Taylor and Estela are entering a new phase of their life together, welcoming their grandchildren into the family. In four parts; this is PART THREE.

Word Count: 3496

Tagging: @saivilo, @edgydepressedchoicesthot, @sceptilemasterr, ​@mauvecatfic @rhemenway888

Thanks for reading!

__________________________

2060

Taylor placed down a plate of cookies on the coffee table, and sat alongside her heavily pregnant daughter.

“I know it sucks for you to not be able to fix everything,” Liv said, looking up to her mother with a grateful smile, “but don’t think your tending to my cravings isn’t appreciated.”

Liv was some seven months along, her belly huge and rounded. Heavy bags under her eyes gave away her lack of sleep, the worrying that had kept her awake long into the night. Her unborn baby, a daughter, had long passed the danger period where a miscarriage was a high risk, but she would not truly relax before the infant was in her arms. After all, the last time… the baby had been four months along, she should have been okay…. Most days Liv felt she was barely functioning, even with all the support her family, and Jeimy, could offer.

“I’ve felt so awful,” Liv admitted. “I let the blonde fade out… I’m sorry.”

“What do you mean--?” Then Taylor realised. The blonde streak Liv had always dyed into her hair… making the point of having at least a bit of her look like the mom she had no biological link to. “God, Livi, you don’t have to keep doing your hair a certain way to prove our relationship to me!”

Liv winced. “See, I know that logically, but it’s not about logic, it’s about feeling. It’s been since I was so little, it feels like I’m throwing something away… something important.” She sniffed and looked away, lost in a dark place. Was there anyone she didn’t feel she’d let down?

“You’re carrying a lot, sweetheart. Let that one go.” She tenderly stroked her daughter’s short hair. “If it makes you happy, keep in the blonde, but do it for you, not out of any fear of hurting me. I’m secure in myself, and in my role as your mom… so take that load off, all right?”

“I’m just… finding it hard. Harder than I expected, which is stupid, I should’ve known I wasn’t ready for this….”

Taylor kept stroking her fingers through Liv’s hair. There was nothing she could say that would take away the fear, or the grief that still lingered.

“Some people believe,” she said quietly, “that the soul doesn’t fully attach itself to the body until the moment of birth. If the baby’s born sleeping, the soul waits for another little life. I don’t know if it might help… to imagine a piece of Avis might be with you and Beatriz now.”

Liv’s eyes grew wide and watery. “I want her with us,” she whispered. “More than anything.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes. “I feel… I feel guilty sometimes even just for being excited about Bea coming. And I feel guilty that I’ve got this far carrying Bea when Jeimy had to go through that loss….”

“Sweetheart,” Taylor said, clutching her daughter’s hand. “You both went through it. It’s different, but your grief is real. Jeimy loves you, and they love Bea.”

Liv wept and snuggled into her mom’s shoulder, taking comfort there until her tears slowed.

“Mom… there’s something else. I need to check you’re okay with something….”

“I’m listening.”

“Well,” Liv wiped her face, righting herself a little, so she could look her mother in the face and read her. “We’d really like to use ‘Estela’ as Bea’s middle name.”

“Beatriz Estela Montoya? That’s pretty. That’s really pretty, swetheart. You were worried I’d be hurt?”

“I know we named Andi after you, but ‘Andromeda’ isn’t your actual name….”

Taylor laughed, and kissed Liv’s head. “Is this to get out of naming a dog ‘Draco’? You silly goose, didn’t I just tell you I’m secure in what we’ve got? Bea’s name is beautiful.”

Liv breathed a little sigh of relief. “Thanks-- we really like it.”

“She’s going to be really touched.” Taylor stroked the side of Liv’s face, adoring her. She could be a worrywart, her girl, but with what life had thrown at her in recent years, Taylor couldn’t blame her. Through it all, Liv was strong and kind, giving more of herself than she probably should, but somehow retaining her joie-de-vivre, her sparkle, dulled though it was on the darkest of days. “I love you, Livi,” she said. “I love you so much.”

And she hugged her, willing herself to somehow lend strength and courage where her daughter needed it-- if only it were that simple.

“It’s going to be okay.”

_________________________

It was pointless to keep checking her phone-- the message and ring tones had been set to blaringly loud so nothing could possibly be missed-- but that didn’t stop Taylor.

“Who you talking to, Grandma?” Andi asked, peering over Taylor’s shoulder.

Taylor hastily put it beside her on the floor. “No one, no one! Promise.”

Young Sol belly-crawled along the rug towards his grandma, then put himself in her lap.

“Hey, kiddo-- don’t worry, you’ve got my attention.”

“How many hours does it take for a baby to be born? They’ve been at the hospital all day!”

“Well, it depends. Sometimes, a baby will be in a big hurry to get out and it can happen in a couple of hours. Sometimes… it could even be a couple of days.”

“Days!” the two kids said in unison. It always tickled both Taylor and Estela that the two had an almost twin-like connection, their births only two days apart and inseparable since. Andi had often said ‘we basically are twins’ and no one could convince her otherwise.

How would another child fit into this dynamic? From the early days, Andi had been fascinated by her unborn sibling, talking about her constantly, while Sol barely seemed to register that a mammoth change was afoot. Until now, with his mom and nanay in the hospital, and not coming back until they had a baby to bring home.

“But,” Taylor added quickly, “last time your mom had a baby it was only five hours after she got to the hospital that Andi was born, and usually it’s faster once the mom’s already had a baby.”

“So, baby Bea could be being born right now?” Andi asked, reaching for her grandma’s phone. “And then they’ll ring and tell us?”

“She could be. And yes, they will. We’re just going to have to be patient.”

Andi huffed out a frustrated exhale. “Being patient is so hard! I wish we knew what was happening.”

“I know, mija,” Estela said as she came into the room with a plate of cocadas-- just how her mom used to make them. “Trust me, we’re all going a little crazy waiting for news. It’s just something we’ve gotta deal with.”

A tasty treat easily placated the easy-going Sol, who hummed to himself as he chewed, still sat in Taylor’s lap. Andi, though, wolfed hers down in what felt like seconds, and went straight back to asking after her mom and nanay. It was a challenge and a half, Taylor had to admit, to entertain two five-year-olds when one was completely incapable of thinking about anything other than the imminent arrival themselves.

Estela gave her wife a look. An understanding, ‘it’s driving me crazy too’ look. An ‘I’m with you’ look.

“Solito,” Estela said, determined to be distracted from worrying, and to have the kids distracted from worrying, “go and grab some paper and pens-- we can make some ‘welcome home’ posters for baby Bea-- good practice for your writing.”

Sol jumped up immediately, almost clocking his grandma in the chin as he got to his feet as was his enthusiasm. Reading and writing was a new skill, and one he was mighty proud of. He ran off, and as was typical, Andi was not far behind him.

It was hard not to be brought back to the kids’ mom learning to read and write. Liv had started a bit earlier, keen as she’d been to keep up with the older Reggie-- with whom she was inseperable. Liv would forever play with her alphabet fridge magnets; she took them with her from La Huerta, to San Trobida, to the States. Estela didn’t have any regrets about that rather fast-changing period in her daughter’s life… they’d given what stability they could, but it had never been possible to have a single true ‘home’. For these kids, though, home was San Trobida, a vastly different place to that the young Liv had known, and for Estela, it was barely recognisable as the war-torn country she grew up in. For baby Beatriz as well, the civil war and the horrors that came with it would just be a story told by her abuela, and a history lesson as she went through her schooling, as distant and irrelevent as the 2020 pandemic and dial-up internet.

Good for her.

Then Estela perched herself on the edge of the couch, only half-relaxing, for she could need to spring to action at a moment’s notice.

As if it had been waiting for the kids to leave the room, Estela’s phone rang, and she was up on her feet in an instant.

“Jeimy?” she asked too loudly. You’re gonna have to calm down…. She put the phone on speaker, though Taylor was right up by her ear so it probably wasn’t even necessary.

“She’s here-- they’re both doing great!” Jeimy cried down the phone, almost garbled in their excitement.

“The baby’s here? The baby--” Of course, the baby. Estela just laughed as relief and flooded her body. “Congratulations, Lorito,” she managed to get out. “Oh my god….”

“Pretty much what I said!” Jeimy laughed, ecstatic. “Beatriz is here, and she’s just divine.”

“Oh, Jeimy,” Taylor said, “you know it’s torture I can’t send you a hug down the phone, right?”

But even with the distance she could feel the happiness that radiated forth, and knew the same would be received. Then, the inevitable happened, and Taylor had to contend with tears streaming down her face. Her baby’s baby was here-- there was no way she wasn’t crying.

“H-how was it? Quicker than last time at least.”

“Everything went smoothly; I almost can’t believe it. It’s like… it’s like all the tension’s gone now… the scariest part is over. Liv’s feeling a bit wrecked for talking right now, but she’s happy. So, so happy.”

“Can we… can we tell the kids?”

Jeimy laughed, giddy. “Yeah, go ahead! We’ll get you to bring them down to the hospital soon-- we can’t wait to see them, just want to make sure Livi rests a little first.”

“Just… enjoy the peace and quiet with your little baby, okay?”

“And kisses for everyone from us, all right, mijo?”

“I’ll see to it-- I’ll see to it. You’ll give the kids a big squeeze from us as well! Love you-- love you-- bye!”

Estela hung up the phone and squealed, pulling a laughing Taylor into her arms for the tightest of hugs.

“We’ve got another granddaughter!” Taylor wept.

________________________

Liv’s eyelids were heavy as she watched the babe’s chest rise and fall. Their little Beatriz had made it earthside. There was no doubt in Liv’s mind; there would be no more babies for her and Jeimy. She couldn’t handle the rollercoaster. It would be her, and Jeimy, and Andi and Sol, and Beatriz… and that was all she’d ever need.

Safe and swaddled in her crib, an arm’s reach away from her exhausted mother, Beatriz had drifted off easily. Even bruised and swollen from the delivery, there was so much character in her little face.

“She looks like Sol did,” Liv whispered. “Not quite as much hair.”

At Liv’s other side, Jeimy was serene, sat up against their pillow. “I feel like I’ve been holding my breath for nine months,” they admitted. “It’s nice to breathe again.”

“I know the feeling,” Liv said. “At this point I’ll welcome the sleepless nights with open arms-- I’m just so relieved to have her here.”

Jeimy scooched closer and stroked Liv’s face. “How are you feeling? Physically, I mean.”

Liv looked up at them with a loving smile. “Very sore, very tired.”

Worth it, she thought, and she turned back to once again admire the little life she’d brought into the world. Oh my god, you are worth it.

____________________________

“Surely, no parent of a newborn in history has ever thought ‘oh, let’s have a party-- I could use some further disruption of my sleep patterns!” Aleister proclaimed. “And yet,” he added, “here we are.”

“I think ‘party’ is a strong word,” Taylor said. “Just a little get-together; good company, barbecue, and some fruit punch.”

Jeimy came over and hugged their uncle-in-law, welcoming him into the backyard, set up with lights and tables. “We’re not completely crazy; doing this at home means Liv and I can bolt upstairs with the baby and hide away at the drop of a hat. And if anyone was gonna disturb us, Mama ‘Stel would sort them out. Besides-- we’re not entertaining or anything, hence having everyone bring a plate and do their own dishes. Surrounding ourselves with love, but with as little of the hassle as possible.”

Aleister chuckled. “I can’t say I don’t still think you’re quite mad but… I see some of the appeal.”

Jeimy met his eye. “It means a lot Reggie coming home for us. I can’t say how much Liv’s missed him.”

“However all-singing-and-dancing the technology may get, it’s never the same as in person, is it? I hope it does Liv good,” he said sincerely. Aleister had been close to Liv all her life, for she and his own child Reggie had been something of a dynamic duo since before either could remember. She was his niece and he loved her, and through her mental health struggles he’d wished he could do more. It had been easier to be there for Estela, knowing that his support had helped her to be there for Liv. Reggie, he knew, was the healing balm that old Uncle Al could never be.

Thankfully, in the minds of the two parents of the new baby, the gathering had been able to be kept small and quiet-- certainly by the standards set by their ever-growing extended family. Naturally, Estela and Taylor were there, and Rosa with toddler Leo. Diego had made the trip from La Huerta a week prior, an additional support for Liv and Jeimy. Sean and Jake’s son Michael, proud donor uncle to baby Beatriz, as well as Liv’s older two children and Rosa’s unborn baby, was along for the fun; he’d taken up position as Chief of Fun and was keeping Andi and Sol out from their exhausted parents’ feet. His fiance and Michelle and Quinn’s youngest, Conor, was there to offer him assistance with the kids. Reggie was the guest of honour, the reason this whole thing was even happening-- and his sisters with their respective families, and Aleister and Grace rounded out the guestlist.

The back door swung open.

“Here she is!” Liv cried, stepping out with, cradled in her arms, a tiny bundle of baby in a puffy floral dress and a great big bow.

Michael turned to Jeimy and laughed. “What happened to the ‘gender neutral’ thing you were doing?”

“Hey. Flowers are for any and all genders.” Jeimy rolled their eyes teasingly. “Anyway, we gave up with the unisex name-- Spanish names are so damn gendered-- so thought ‘screw it, just put her in dresses if we like them’.”

“She looks cute,” Michael said, “but she’s gonna have to grow into that bow.” He held out his arms. “Cuddle with Uncle Michael?”

Liv chuckled, and carefully passed over the baby. As little Beatriz was placed in his arms, Michael absolutely beamed. There was no doubt he’d be as besotted over this kid as he was Andi and Sol.

“Damn, she’s cute!” he exclaimed. “You people are making me want a baby so bad. I’m pretty lucky to be a ‘donor uncle’ in the meantime, hey?”

“And we really appreciate it,” Liv was quick to say. Michael had basically given her the family she loved so much, and there were simply no words for what that meant. What was more, he’d given Liv’s Mama Taylor a genetic tie to her grandchildren-- a sort of link she’d once only dreamed of. Their family was unconventional, but in Liv’s eyes, it was all the more wonderful for what had been overcome to bring them to this moment, together. “It’s gonna be a pretty good excuse to get out to La Huerta regularly once Rosa’s bub’s here. We may have to tag along now and then-- I’m not having you usurp my position as ‘coolest visiting relative’.”

“I hate to break it to you, Liv,” Michael said, shaking his head in feigned sorrow, “but Jeimy sings, plays guitar, and has a talking parrot. You’ve never had the top spot to begin with.”

“Dude-- I can take my baby back---”

“Geez, touchy much! At least I know when I’m beat.”

“Just enjoy that cuddle, I’m pretty sure madam’s gonna be in high demand this evening.”

Content that her baby was in good hands, Liv felt comfortable enough to move a few feet away to check up on her older two. They’d blown her away with how they’d taken the new arrival in their stride; Sol was easy-going as usual, but Andi she’d been more concerned about, demanding as she was for fun and attention that simply was not in as high supply these days. But Andi doted on her baby sister, and was forever clamouring to be involved and help out. Now, the twosome had apparently roped Uncle Conor into a game of horsey-ride, with Andi was putting her newfound maternal side to use in steadying two-year-old Leonel with her hand as he had his turn, and Sol ripping up handfuls of grass to feed their new ‘pet’. Liv took an exhale and relaxed. Her little family was surrounded by love.

Then she turned, and there was the face she’d been desperately yearning to see.

“Reggie!”

“I told you, I’d be here, I’m not sure what all the fuss is abo--”

Liv flung her arms around her cousin, her best friend, and squeezed him with all her might.

“Steady on! You always have to be over-the-top about everything, don’t you,” he grumbled good-naturedly, but he kissed her the top of her head as she cried against his chest. He hugged her back, and gave a trembling exhale. “Now that I have you in person; congratulations.”

Liv came away to rub her teary eyes with the back of a hand. “I knew you were coming and everything, ‘m just a bit hormonal for this!”

She put her hands on her hips and took a few deep breaths, righting herself, then looked up at Reggie with a massive grin. He’d been with her through it all… both their spouses had been pregnant at the time, but she and Jeimy had lost their Avis, while Reggie and Mariama had brought home their healthy and bright Olivette-- named in tribute to their bond. Even struggling with parenting a newborn as well as his other two kids, Reggie had always found time for his old cousin, and it was a rare week that would pass without a call between London and San Trobida.

“How have you been?” he asked, “And don’t give me sass because I know childbirth can be godawful….”

“You really think I’d sass you?”

“Sure as bloody hell you would…. But are you doing all right? Other than obviously being touched in the head to have a blasted party of all things so soon after bringing a baby home. I just… I’d like to know you’re doing well.”

“We’re adjusting to the new normal,” she told him. “I’m adjusting… slowly but surely. And there’s grief that’s coming up, but I expected that. Mostly… I’m caught up in loving my baby girl, and so, so damn thankful that she’s here.” She grinned. It was as though she couldn’t think about her little Beatriz without doing so. “Do you wanna meet Bea? She’s having a cuddle with Uncle Michael right now.”

Reggie’s eyes lit up. “I did come all this way, I won’t not say ‘hi’. Actually, I may have promised Sammy and Ange that I send a few photographs-- it’s almost as though the need proof I’m actually here and taking meeting the new little cousin seriously.”

Liv laughed. “I’m sure we can manage that!” She took him by the elbow. “Come on-- you flew all the way from London, you get to skip the cuddle queue.”

And she took him to get acquainted with the baby, beaming as she walked him through a backyard filled with the smiling faces of the people she loved so much-- all there for her. Soon, they’d gather together, and raise a glass; to family, to good times, and to Beatriz Estela Montoya.

#endless summer #estela x mc #rosita montoya #es fanfic #montoya family #catalyst kiddos #playchoices

[sirianasims]

After that night, things slowly changed. Katherine would get up at dawn and go for a run before work. She got fitter and more confident, stopped seeking me out for reassurance.

We also welcomed Cooper into the family. His owner had come to the clinic, asking if I knew anyone who could take him in, and I’d immediately called Katherine to ask if we could keep him. She said yes, surprisingly. She was never a dog person.

Getting Cooper definitely helped me. After our night of rage, Katherine had been avoiding me. And while it was kind of a relief that she no longer tried to touch or even talk to me, it also made me even lonelier than before.

Katherine would be out jogging when I woke up, and I would run with Cooper late at night.

This way, she’d already be sleeping when I came back so I could have a drink and be alone with my thoughts before going to bed.

The clinic was going well. We were consistently making money, and I even considered getting rid of Lloyd and getting a nurse instead. His work wasn’t quite up to my high standards.

The seasons passed uneventfully. Katherine and I actually got along much better now that we no longer tried to make the relationship work. We made polite smalltalk, mostly about Freya or various household chores, and we rarely argued.

While Katherine and I grew further apart over the months, I became much closer to my daughter. It had started slowly, like when she was about eight months old, and I realised that her eyes had turned out green, exactly like my own. Shortly after Jamie and Athena’s wedding, she’d taken her first real steps and I was so proud I felt like my heart would burst.

The first time she called me “dada”, I cried.

The older she got, the more she looked and acted like me.

She was developing a nose that I recognised as mine – and my father’s. I would even see my mother in her features. She loved animals, especially Cooper, and could constantly be found hugging and petting him. It reminded me of the old pictures of Maggie and me on my parents’ walls.

In everything but our relationship, Katherine seemed to thrive. Her administrative talent and obvious intelligence had gotten her promoted to senior manager in no time, and she’d become interested in stocks and trading. She seemed mostly content.

On an average weeknight, we almost looked like a real, normal family. Things were fine. Not perfect, but I figured I could live like this.

I even made an effort to drink less. For Freya’s sake.

On family-oriented holidays like Harvestfest, however, the distance between us was especially noticeable. I hadn’t realised how much effort Katherine had been putting into our relationship until she simply stopped trying.

Freya was not a fan of awkward silences, though, and made sure the focus was on her whenever Katherine and I got too caught up in our own thoughts.

It was hard not to smile when she stirred up trouble only to then play innocent. Even Katherine would laugh at her antics.

It was impossible not to adore Freya, and I could barely remember why I had struggled so much in the first year or so.

What had been wrong with me? She was my daughter, she felt like a part of me.

Katherine and Kailani had become like sisters. I’d come home to find them chatting on the couch at least twice a week. We had tried having dinner with them a few times, but Colten and Kailani’s well-functioning relationship made me and Katherine look so much worse.

So instead Kailani came to our house, and sometimes she’d bring her own toddler, but Colten was usually home from work early to take care of both of their boys so she could come alone.

I always made a lot of noise coming in if I knew Kailani was there. I didn’t want to accidentally overhear Katherine complaining about me. I’m sure she did, based on how often she looked a bit guilty when I walked in.

But I was also glad that she had a friend to talk to. And whenever Kailani was here, it meant that Freya and I got to have dinner by ourselves.

In her eyes, at least, dada could do nothing wrong.

And I loved spending time alone with my biggest fan.

beginning / previous / next

#duchellilegacy #duchellichapters #duchelligen3 #eric duchelli #katherine gilscarbo #freya duchelli #kailani ward #freya must be protected at all costs #you hear me eric?

[mrsdarkandyandere7]

Many many unhealthy dark thoughts about Tangerine’s yandere tendencies. 100% do not condone this behaviour. Get out or get help if you find yourself in a similar situation!!

My thoughts:

Tangerine’s housewife kink is out of control. Put his Darling in an apron and the man can barely function; all he would think about is taking her to bed.

He would be the type of man who would get turned on by his Darling doing the most mundane chores around the house - ironing his shirts, baking, crocheting a soft toy for one of their children - activities he considers feminine and which feed into his housewife kink.

His expectations of his Darling are unhealthy and unrealistic.

Once she was living with him Tangerine got rid of any clothing he deemed “inappropriate”. Now his Darling’s wardrobe consists mainly of dresses and skirts and he expects his Darling to adhere to this dress code.

He gets angry when his Darling makes independent decisions as he wants them to be utterly dependant on him. His Darling doesn’t have access to their own money and instead is given an allowance. Tangerine would also insist that his Darling pay via card so he can see all transactions they have made.

Gradually Tangerine would isolate his Darling from anyone he thinks are bad influences. Initially he would constantly phone and text his Darling and would become very angry if they didn’t reply immediately and would subsequently punish them (in the bedroom) for their “neglect”. He then realised it was easier to put a tracker on their phone and cameras inside their house so he knows where they are at all times. In his mind this isn’t an invasion of privacy. Instead it’s a way to protect his Darling because she is innocent and naive and unable to make informed decisions.

He definitely chips away at their self confidence as he wants them to be completely reliant on him.

He is rarely gentle in bed with his Darling. He would never beat his Darling, but he is fascinated with the physical, mental and emotional limitations of his Darling.

100% uses their children as a way to punish his Darling by limiting contact or accusing her of being a bad mother. The latter is never true as he would never have children with someone he would deem “unworthy”, but he has found that such accusations are a good way to punish his Darling. Of course their children know nothing of these punishments.

Tangerine absolutely adores their children and thinks they can do no wrong. They are perfect because they are hers and they are his. Anyone who insults his children or his Darling have basically signed their own death warrant.

It is incredibly twisted and abusive, but Tangerine is madly in love with his Darling and wouldn’t be able to survive without her. He needs her more than she needs him, and he knows this hence his suffocating clingyness. He wants to be the centre of their world like she is the centre of his.

To outsiders their relationship looks normal. Just very very traditional. And even when their children are grown up their kids don’t see anything wrong with their parent’s marriage. And Tangerine deludes himself that his Darling is happy with their marriage. Whether she is or not is something she only knows…

Sorry for this long and dark rambling about yandere!Tangerine. But after reading your fic I have been unable to think of anything else. Again I do not condone Tangerine’s actions!!!

I absolutely loved this, such an interesting perspective on dark Tangerine.

Totally agree on the kids. Tangerine seems like he'd dote on his kids, especially if it is a little girl, and he'd be the best dad for them, teaching them how to stand up for themselves and also self-defense so they know how to protect themselves. Just imagine Tangerine losing his patience at the PTA meeting 😂

Feel like he'd really enjoy the whole idea of having the perfect marriage with reader but at the same time, he ruins it with his toxic controlling atittudes.

(also don't worry, we know that all of these dark fics and thoughts are NOT supported irl. This is just FICTION, so no one should take this seriously, please).

#ask #loved this

[powderblueblood]

not strictly edlacey but yes hai, I need more on Al and Ray like they have something weirdly psychosexual going on and I need more of it 🫶like what's their reunion post jail like??

GOD AND YOU KNOW ITS LIKE AIR TO ME TOO

seriously. if only they had fucked we might not be in this mess, but ray is too repressed and al is always somehow neck deep in pussy and too straight to function. acts fruity though.

but it’s not even a dark alley or a bar or the trailer park or anywhere inconspicuous where they meet—it’s broad daylight, it’s by accident, it’s at melvald’s because it’s the only place al can pick up that good shortening. for whatever reason. he’s making—

“fried chicken?”

ray’s voice comes over the aisle like a bell that makes al almost shit his entire pants. he hadn’t even clocked him just… standing up there. crisp polo, khakis. his regular guy costume. whereas al wore a grubby hawaiian shirt thrown over a grubbier vest and his son’s jeans.

he’d known ray had gotten out. sure he did. even thought about calling on ray’s daughter about it, but then al came down and realised a bullet wound didn’t go with this outfit.

megawatt grin powers up.

“you know my wheelhouse,” he chuckles. like they’re nothing but old friends and al hasn’t pulled the rug and the house it came with out from under the doevskis at large.

munson charm overload ricochets off ray like rain on a trailer roof, which he’d had to get used to. he also, apparently, has to acquaint himself with the sisyphean task of buying groceries.

“eddie must be pleased,” ray’s face is saintly serene, “to see you back in the kitchen.”

al’s neck stiffens. no, ray. uh uh. can’t we have a pleasant, unweighted conversation? can’t you accept the fact that i won? can’t you let me fuck your business the way it wants to be fucked in peace?

“not as pleased as your little girl.”

ray’s facade doesn’t crack. al’s considered that might be because there’s nothing but facade. empty on the inside, impeccably dressed on the out.

“lorelei,” he supplies.

“i thought that they called her… somethin’ else.”

ray shrugs.

“still. she must be glad. must be glad to have her old man home, so soon.”

oh god, it’s starting. al, for his great empire of bullshit, can never stand up against ray’s unwavering stare for long. he starts to babble. starts to sweat. it’s how he talked himself into working with ray in the first place, and why he knew he had to put him away.

“i mean, won’t it be so great that you and glory get to see her graduate together, fingers crossed my boy’s gonna pull through but, y’know, maybe now that—“

“i’ll see you around, al.”

“huh?”

ray makes a suave beeline for the door, shooting al one last look over the bar of his sunglasses. the sun is right in al’s eye. he can barely make him out.

“i said,” ray repeats, “i’ll see you around.”

#powder room talk #slowdancer #hai brainrot #the fact that i get to write old man yaoi on this blog finally #….. the joy it brings me #impossible challenge: make people kind of root for al munson #me: bet #a. munson by powder #r. doevski by powder #published by powder

[aurora-313]

In all your readings, have you found another couple that functions perfectly as both platonic friends and as lovers as ichiruki do, but that is so underutilized by its creator in any capacity?

(Imagine Lisa easing out from Black and Blue, then she and Kaien are friends for a little while, then they see each other once a century.Fans of their relationship will be upset, and it will be their right. What will not be their right will be to act nasty about it. You know that you assume a risk with a WIP. )

Any author can do what they want with their story, but when you create expectations that you don't meet, people will be upset, especially if they pay you, and you use their friendship/romance as a selling pitch. I still don't get why people are upset on the people that are upset. Again being a WIP, doesn't mean that I have to like whatever direction the author chooses. I personally rarely take risks on WIPs, so I STARTED BLEACH AFTER IT WAS FINISHED AND I KNEW THE ENDING, and the false advertising still hit me. I fell for ichiruki, and the end and then the soul burriel chapter where they barely speak on the phone and Renji now replaced Rukia as Ichigo's friend was an 180degree if I ever saw one. I wonder if in the Hell Arc, they'll even recognize each other anymore..

P.S. Thank you for remembering Rukia in your fiction more than her creator does in canon.

(Please forgive me. This answer went on a ramble and I don't think I actually answered your question.)

I'm sure I've seen a few in my time.

The ones that readily leap to mind from my childhood are Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill from Stargate SG1, and Doctor Weir and Major Shepperd from Stargate Atlantis. Although I'm not sure the first duo count since there's multiple alternate universes where they do get hitched.

But onto Bleach. IchiHime fits under this category in my opinion: the 'under developed and under utilized' part.

Sure we have the 'love you in five lives' speech and the not-kiss, but"

One: Kissing an unconscious person that you're not in a committed relationship with is not cool. Under any circumstance.

Two: She's consistently scared shitless of Ichigo's powers and rejects his hollow, even though the Hollow is literally his soul manifest.

Three: Orihime repeatedly demonstrates she doesn't really understand how Ichigo works.

In the post-Deicide novels, Orihime was actively happy Ichigo didn't have powers anymore, only to reluctantly change her tune when she saw how thoroughly miserable he was without them.

It would've been great character progression to see Orihime delve into that personal stance: why was she happy about Ichigo being powerless? Because she legitimately didn't want him to get hurt anymore? Or relief that he wouldn't turn into a monster again?

And overcoming those personal scruples would've been a fantastic personal journey to see in the manga. Her coming to terms and reconciling her image of Ichigo being this heroic ideal and the flawed, deeply traumatized individual who had the capacity to be literally monstrous.

Orihime could've reexamined her feelings about ichigo at their core, and realise perhaps she doesn't actually love him after all. That she lusts after an ideal she's modelled in Ichigo's image. In realizing and coming to terms with that error, in abandoning her preconceived notions and actually seeing Ichigo for the first time, warts and all, Orihime could've paved the foundation to build a genuine friendship. Later possibly a romance.

If this was the journey Orihime went on through Bleach, taken entirely of her own accord, with a conclusion on her own terms? Then I wouldn't have been nearly as jarred by the epilogue. Ichigo's Oedipus complex aside.

But I digress.

Rukia was one half of the main duo that made Bleach compelling. And Kubo absolutely pushed her away after FKT, attempting (key word "attempting") to put Orihime in her place. Which is a frankly bizarre decision. Rukia is the "Death" to Ichigo's "Strawberry". She is the deuteragonist, the inciting incident to the whole story and the primary motivation for the first two arcs (Aizen's and Kisuke's century's long trans-dimensional chess match aside).

Ichigo pushed himself beyond breaking and learned skills well beyond his paygrade to save Rukia from unjust execution. In his desperation to achieve that goal, Ichigo had to learn to fly before he could crawl, ultimately mutilating his own powerset in the process.

In any other media, in any other story, that tends to be a giant glowing give away about the nature of his feelings, even if Ichigo wasn't entirely clear on them himself. Its the classic handsome knight rescuing the princess in the tower and riding off in the sunset to live happily ever after.

Yes, Ichigo went through the same motions to rescue Orihime from Aizen, but he had doubts about her. Even in his venture, Ichigo entertained the idea that Orihime had legitimately betrayed them. Then the narrative goes out of its way to demonstrate her presence was merely an excuse for Ichigo to settle his scores with Grimmjow and Ulquiorra, and for Aizen to remove Soul Society's best weapon from play. Ichigo did personally want to save Orihime but he felt like he was conducting himself out of obligation, driven by his white knight/martyr complex. As soon as Ichigo felt Rukia's reiatsu flagging, he immediately shifted gears because 'Oh shit, gotta go save my totally platonic bestie first, bye!' and would've proceeded to do exactly that until Ulquiorra goaded him.

To me, Ichigo and Rukia is what made Bleach BLEACH. Their banter is what I loved about the first arcs, the teasing sprinkled with moments of heartfelt connection (in case you can't tell, its my favourite love language. Hence why Lisa and Kaien poke and tease each other all the time).

There's no 'Now I realise I why I wanted to save you' moment with Orihime in HM. She's narratively bait for Aizen's schemes and little more, as soon as she's safe-ish, Ichigo ditches and moves onto other grudge matches.

Then the final arc and the epilogue chapters roll around and I had to ask myself, is this even the same manga? Where's the Death and the Strawberry? Where is the bond that started ALL of this? Rukia is the woman who gave Ichigo the means to combat his despair, and they don't even talk anymore? You don't think Ichigo would've wanted to extend his congratulations for Rukia getting married? Having a kid? Getting prompted to Captaincy? Or anything to indicate they were friends at all?

(yes, Ichigo does in the novel but its telling one interaction between them is completely overshadows the story's 'main' pairing.)

My issue with TYBW and epilogue isn't the pairings - though that is a part. My issue is the narrative took great pains from the start to demonstrate Ichigo never felt like he belonged in the living world. His life was a dull tedious affair. The Fullbring arc reveals how much he actively hates Karakura and wants to leave ASAP.

Ichigo only began to truly LIVE once he gained shinigami powers (we'll ignore the fact he was only born and raised to be a weapon/universal battery). He loved every second of it, even when the power scared him and acted beyond his control. He fit into the realm of the dead far better than he ever did in the living.

Then Kubo turns around and claims; actually, NO. Ichigo's super content with exactly the same quiet kind of life he despised with every fibre of his being, living in a town he fucking hates and wanted to leave as soon as he graduated.

How does that shift in gears not raise serious red flags?

I'm not saying Ichigo had to go and live in Soul Society (though that was being set up thanks to the god-tier powers he'd been juiced with) but I did expect him to leave Karakura behind when all was said and done.

As a random-ish segue on the matter of friendship.

The Karakura gang feel like fair-weather friends more than anything else, excepting two circumstances: Ichigo and Chad (first arc) and Tatsuki and Orihime. Even then, those friendships become a stretch in later arcs before basically disappearing entirely. Sure, Chad, Ishida, Ichigo and Orihime have had life and death adventures together, but those scenarios were either a matter of self-preservation or wounded pride. Sometimes both.

But remove the supernatural circumstances, the Karakura gang felt like the average transient high school friendship. Circumstance brought them together, they would remain friends until graduation, then they'd all go their separate ways never to see each other again. Which is a sad state of affairs given Bleach's theme about the heart and nature of human connection.

But one must ask how strong those friendship really are when Ichigo will jump to the worst conclusion at the drop of a hat?

Orihime in Hueco Mundo, as stated above, Ichigo seriously entertained the idea she was a traitor until Ulquiorra claimed otherwise.

Chad with Xcution, Ichigo immediately assumed the worst intentions about it until Chad revealed he joined as a means to help Ichigo get his powers back.

Ishida joining the Quincy, Ichigo instantly assumed Ishida was 110% on board with the whole destroy reality plan until Ishida outright states 'I'm a double agent, you fucking dumbass.' (I give the Fullbringer arc incident a pass because Ichigo was not thinking clearly at the time)

It doesn't strike me as particularly strong or healthy when the first instinct is to immediately assume the worst.

But anyway, I shall get off my soapbox for now.

I do enjoy writing a great deal of Kaien, which means Rukia is inevitably involved given how intrinsically linked their stories are. Kind of hard to have a story about him and not have her in it. :D

I hope you continue to enjoy Kaien and Rukia in my writings. :)

#bleach #my writing #kaien shiba #rukia kuchiki #ichigo kurosaki #orihime inoue #sorry this became a bit long and rambly #I have a lot to say about Bleach's final arcs #and about the character interactions #and how fragile and fleeting the Karakura gang friendship feels in general

[agirlandherquill]

# Interrupted

The first thing I notice upon entering is the shadows under his eyes, then the bruises colouring his arms, and finally, his knuckles, clenching the edge of the table, they were red, crusted over with blood, and darkening on the edges - those were no longer gentle hands. They were the hands of a violent man.  “Was it worth it?” I have no idea what came over me, to ask such a question. It is none of my business, not really, but I ask. I ask and he slips his hands under the desk, out of my sight. Like every meeting, I set my journal on the table, I sit, and I look him in the eye. Only this time, we are not alone.  A guard stands to my right. Even from here I can smell the thirst for violence on his breath. The quiet crackling of his knuckles unnerves me, but not more so than the occasional thud of the handcuffs hanging from his belt hitting the wall behind him every time he shifts his weight. The sound annoys me. How am I meant to learn Ezryn’s story when this brute is here with us? I shift in my seat and look at the guard. “Is this necessary?” “He sent five men to the infirmary. One of us has a concussion, the other can barely see.” “And the three others?” “Broken fingers, mangled jaws, and torn ligaments, I should think. Nothing less than what they deserved.” Ezyrn chimes in. His tone seems to rile up the guard. He knows what he’s doing, I just can’t understand why. His demeanour has shifted, this was not the same man I met mere days ago. The guard steps forward and I rise from my seat, stepping in his path. I dread to think of how this looks on the cameras - a young woman standing up to a man of his stature, it must be comical - but I fold my arms and prop my hip on the table, blocking his access to Ezryn. “If you harm my patient, nothing can be done. You want justice, don’t you?” “Five men. The Infirmary.” The guard ground out, his fingers rested on the baton on his hip.  “Then you’d rather six, is that it? Because this man is under my care, under the care of this government, your jurisdiction. You are aware of that, aren’t you?” I’m being ridiculous. The state wouldn’t bat an eyelid if Ezryn was beaten beyond misery. All they require is a confession. They can obtain answers from a barely functioning body, just not a dead one. The guard stares me down, his nostrils flare. “You calling me an idiot?” I have to glance behind me at Ezryn and will him with my eyes to keep his mouth shut. Laughter would only provoke the situation. Or, diverting my attention from a very pissed off guard. I barely have time to catch my breath as my body hits the wall, shoved roughly aside by a vengeful man, baton already in hand. My bones rattle, pain bristles down my back as I try to recover quickly, I try to breathe. I need control over myself before I can seize control of the situation. I realise too suddenly that Ezryn has slipped his shackles. This will not be good. {Camera: The brown haired man springs from the table, ducking beneath the swing of the baton. He catches the guard by his arm and flings him against the table, it rattles. (The angle switches, only for a moment, catching a glimpse of the winded doctor leaning against the wall) He pins the guard down, looks at the doctor’s direction, then at the cameras. His eyes narrow and he snatches the baton, bringing it down on the guard’s head. The man slumps against it. He steps up to the doctor and helps her stand, using the baton, remaining a suitable distance apart at all times - following standard guidelines. Once she straightens out her coat he casts the baton aside, raises his palms toward the ceiling and steps away, pressing his back against the opposite wall. The door buzzes. It opens. More guards rush in. The room explodes into chaos.}

~ Between The Lies

#writeblr #writing #creative writing #fiction #novel #writer #spilled ink #spilled words #spilled writing #spilled thoughts