#and then i have three hours of diff college things and like i wanted to do them but still a Lot

[thehiccupingbanana]

Keys to my Heart

PAIRING/FANDOM: Nicholas "Nick" Nelson/Charles "Charlie" Spring GENRE: fluff WORD COUNT: 2,112 WARNINGS: none SUMMARY: "Maybe you can move in with Charlie? You basically live there anyways, and for some reason pay your share of the rent here. Not that we are complaining.” Christian joked. “I don’t live with Charlie. We haven’t been together long enough to live together.” Nick said. “I don’t think that is true.” Sai interjected. or Nick's flatmates decided that they were not going to renew their rent for the next year, so Nick asked Charlie for help finding a flat. Charlie was under the impression that Nick was already slowly moving in with him. ADDITIONAL TAGS: Established Nicholas "Nick" Nelson/Charles "Charlie" Spring, Alternate Universe - College/University, sappy boys, no beta / editor [READ ON AO3]

It’s been four years since Charlie sat next to Nick in their form room back in secondary. It’s been three years and eleven months since Nick and Charlie have been best friends.

It’s been 2 years 6 months 13 days 20 hours and 58 minutes since their friend group decided to skip the last party fresher’s week; the plan to have a film night like when they were in secondary school. Since Nick and Charlie both got a little too drunk and said yes to a game of truth or dare. Since someone dared Charlie to kiss Nick, and Nick was pretty certain Charlie was going to kiss his cheek. Since Nick decided he didn’t want Charlie to kiss his cheek and moved at the last moment for their lips to meet. Since Nick and Charlie kissed for the first time for an unknown amount of time, only breaking apart when Darcy yelled “Get it son!”. Since they fell asleep together that night and decided to be boyfriends the following morning.

Not that Nick has been counting or anything.

Present day Nick is aware he is undeniably down bad for his best friend and boyfriend. He is also aware that he still can’t keep his hands off his boyfriend, so he understands that Charlie wanted a distraction free evening to get a project done for a class. Nick thought about just going to the library for a few hours but he was feeling a little bad that he has only seen his flat mates during rugby practice or matches for the last few months; so, he decides to go to his flat for the night. 

“I’m back.” Nick yelled into the flat he shared with a couple of his mates from the rugby team. The three guys that didn’t “banter” at him because he is bisexual, but because of how much of a sap he is about his boyfriend, Charlie.

“Hey, what happened?” Christian asked, from his spot on the sofa next to Sai.

Nick drops his backpack with some clothes in it for tomorrow at the bottom of the stairs. “Nothing’s happened, Charlie just has a project due in a couple of days, and he wants to get it done. He said that if I’m around he gets "too distracted".” Nick answered, making air quotes for emphasis.

Christian and Sai laughed at Nick’s use of quotation marks.

“Well, one of you has to be the sensible one I guess.” Sai said, once he settled down.

“I know.” Nick pouted, plopping down on the recliner next to the sofa.

“Well, it’s good to see you, we’re glad you’re here, even if it is just for one night.” Sai smiled softly.

“I’m not gone that much, and I see you at rugby 4 times a week.”

“But you’re not here, at home. Which is okay, and something we wanted to talk to you about.” Christian replied.

“Graduation is coming up in a couple months, and we talked to Otis about some things, and neither one of us are planning on staying here in Leeds afterwards.” Sai stated.

“Oh.” Nick sighed.

“We know you are going to stay here for your PGCE, but maybe you can move in with Charlie? You basically live there anyways, and for some reason pay your share of the rent here. Not that we are complaining.” Christian joked.

“I don’t live with Charlie. We haven’t been together long enough to live together.” Nick said.

“I don’t think that is true.” Sai interjected, “People move in with their partners at all different times, some don’t even live with their partners if they are married. There’s no rule book on that.”

“Also, you and Charlie have been best mates since secondary school, people can live with their friends.”  Christian added. “But we’re not saying you have to move in with Charlie. There are some guys on the team getting a flat share next year that I’m sure they wouldn’t mind for you to join in on the rent pool.”

“Yeah. I’ll look around too, since I don’t have to be so close to campus next year, I’ll see what options I have.” Nick replied.

After having some take away pizza with the guys, Nick goes to his room to start looking at some flat options.

Upon stepping into his room throwing his overnight bag on his bed, he remembers that his good pillow is still at Charlie’s flat. That’s fine, I’ll be over again tomorrow.

Nick pulls out his laptop and looks on Rightmove and starts looking at flats closest to Charlie’s flat and flats that are just close to the University; both with the idea of making it easier for Charlie if he was to come over. Finding a potential flat easily.

1 Bed | 1 Bath | Recently Upgraded | Nearby University of Leeds

Nick looked at the map and could confirm it was indeed very close to the University, but on the other side than Charlie’s flat, and the price was on the higher end of his price range. Nick decided to look through the photos on the posing anyways seeing that the bedroom barley fit a double bed in it. Maybe. Nick thought as he scrolled on to the next listing.   

1 Bed | 1.5 Bath | Paved Front Garden

Nick looked at another listing that was fairly close to Charlie’s flat, but further away to the University. It was much more affordable but the photos showed a very small kitchen. To Nick, the kitchen is the only thing that has to be perfect, everything else doesn’t really matter that much. However, not having a place to live trumps a small kitchen so the flat also gets a maybe.

He decides he may not find anything better until closer to the summer when people are moving out, so he closes his laptop and texts Charlie a “good luck on your project <3” text, and watches YouTube on his phone until he falls asleep.

~●~

“Charlie, can you help me find a new place to live?” Nick asked, laying down with his head on Charlie’s lap. Charlie lounging on his bed, one hand playing with Nick’s hair, the other holding the book he was reading.

“What?” Charlie questioned, shoving an old receipt he’d been using as a bookmark in the book and putting it on the nightstand.

“Well, the guys said that they aren’t going to stay in Leeds for another year after graduation, so I’ll need to find a new place to live.” Nick responded. “I found a couple of different options that might work, but I want your opinion as well.”

“If it’s where you want to live, then it should be your choice.” Charlie replied.

“But I don’t want you to hate it and you never come over.” Nick started, “Like one is expensive and the bedroom is barely big enough for a bed. Another is close by so you can come over whenever you want, but the kitchen is so small, you couldn't even bake brownies from a box in there and have room.”

“Sweetheart, get up for a moment.” Charlie bent his knees slightly to prompt Nick to move, both guys shifting so they were sitting and facing each other.

“Or I was also thinking that I can go down to the leasing office here and see if there are any vacancies available, so then we can live in the same building.”

“Nick-”

“Or if you don’t want that then that’s okay! The small flat is cute, and if you don’t want to come over, that’s fine! I can still come here.” Nick interrupted, already going into a spiral.

“Wait.”

“Or not, it’s okay. I can look on my own, you don’t have t-”

“Hey.” Charlie interrupted, putting his hands on either side of Nick’s face. “What’s up?”

“I don’t know.” Nick sighed, “I guess I’m a little stressed out about finding a place that works for you.”

“Works for me?” Charlie asked, furrowing an eyebrow.

“Yeah, close enough to campus so if you want to stay the night, you’re not late to classes or study groups. Or close by so you can be with your friends. But not like I’m saying you have to spend the night with me-”

“Darling.” Charlie gently interrupted Nick’s spiral again, “You have another place to live that isn’t with the rugby guys.”

“Char, I don’t want to go back to live with my mom, I want to stay here with you.” Nick pleaded.

“Nick, I’m not talking about living with your mom.” Charlie smiled, moving his hands over Nick’s hands. “Why don’t you live here? With me?”

“But what about Tao?” Nick asked.

“Tao already told me he’s been thinking about moving into a flat with Elle.”

“You don’t think it’s too soon? Won’t your mom be really upset with you?” Nick whispered.

“My mom’s been upset with me half my life Nick, you moving in with me is not going to change her feelings of me.” Charlie half-joked. “Plus, we’ve been best friends for four years, and by next school year it’ll be 2 years since we started dating...”

“But-”

“It’s not like you don’t already practically live here…”

“I don’t live here.”

“You might as well just be paying rent to the wrong bill, love.”

“That’s what the guys said. I do stay here with you a lot, but I don’t think I live here. Plus isn’t your room kind of small for two people? It definitely felt bigger when you moved in.”

“All of your stuff is here Nick; half this room is your stuff. This room has slowly become our room. Even this quilt is yours.” Charlie said, picking up the corner of the quilt closest to him for emphasis.

“Your quilt was too heavy; I was overheating every night.”

“Yes, Nick, that's what I was saying. Every night.” Charlie jokingly poked. “I’m not complaining though, I love my personal human radiator.”

“I knew you just loved me for my body.” Nick fake pouted.

“Yes, duh. Amongst other things.” Charlie chuckled. “But that’s why you have your cooling pillow on your side of the bed. Where the night stand has your reading glasses, and your half empty glass of water. Half my dresser is full of your clothes, half the closet is your clothes.”

“Is that what you’re calling the row of my stolen hoodies.” Nick poked Charlie’s side lightly.

“You needed clothes for when you stayed here, also they’re our hoodies Nicholas. We have joint custody.” Charlie joked, grabbing Nick's finger and not letting go.

“Okay so maybe I live in your room.” Nick acquiesced.

“You have all your soaps in the shower, and half the bathroom sink counter is covered with your stuff. Hell, you even have a cabinet in the kitchen full of your baking stuff.” Charlie started, “And it’s okay, I like it. I want you to feel at home here.”

“You are my home.”

“There’s you being sappy again.”

“You were sappy first!”

“Shut up, I am never sappy.”

“You are, and I think it’s because you love me.” Nick joked, pushing Charlie onto his back with Nick hovering over him.

“No, I don’t.” Charlie shook his head.

“You don’t mean that.” Nick mock gasped, tickling Charlie.

“Nick!” Charlie gasped between laughs. “Stop!”

“Are you going to take it back?” Nick asked, stopping just long enough to get an answer out of Charlie. Charlie used that moment to flip them back over, grabbing Nick’s wrists and pinning them above his head, to keep Nick from tickling him again.

“I do. I was going to say it’s because I really love you, but I’m not sure any more.” Charlie pouted.

“Well, I really love you so I hope you really love me.” Nick smiled.

“You are. Such. A. Sap. Nicholas. Nelson.” Charlie said, punctuating with a poke to Nick’s side.

“I’m your sap, Charles Spring.” Nick said, slightly dazed with the feeling of Charlie’s weight on him.

“Ugh.” Charlie rolled his eyes, before leaning down and kissing Nick.

He kept his hand pinning down Nick’s wrists in place and kissed Nick until he heard a small noise in Nick’s throat.

Charlie pulled back from the kiss gently, laughing softly when he heard Nick groan “Why’d you stop?”

“Nick, if you want to, I would love for you to officially live with me.” Charlie prompted.

“Uhm- YES. Char, obviously. As long as you want to.”

“I just said I want you to!” Charlie laughed, shifting downwards to continue kissing Nick.

~●~

It’s only 2 months and 5 days until Nick gets to officially live together with his boyfriend, not that Nick is counting or anything.  

~~~

title by the lovely @sleepywriter00 who always helps me with titles because i suck at it <3

if i missed any cw/tws, please let me know!

#i saw a poll a while ago that said that people still read fics on tumblr so #scheduling out all the fics i have wrote and posted so far this year #narlie #nick x charlie #charlie x nick #nick nelson / charlie spring #not tagging the main fandom cause i know some people don't like that

[set-phasers-to-whump]

taking care

prompt: sleep deprived (from day 15)

whumpee: nick burkhardt

fandom: grimm

hiiii i am exhausted and unfortunately it shows in this fic :/ sorry ab that but maybe you will enjoy it? anyway this is set super early s1, like eps 3-7ish. 

Nick hasn’t been sleeping since everything in his life got turned upside down. What little sleep he can get is inevitably interrupted by nightmares, which often leave him more tired than simply not sleeping, so most nights, he doesn’t bother. 

But despite being horribly sleep deprived and in the middle of quite a lot of terrible things, he hasn’t taken any time off of work. He can’t. He needs something in his life that is constant. Something that hasn’t changed drastically and left him spinning. So he’s working. And he’s not sleeping. 

--

It’s obvious that Nick is exhausted. There are persistent, deep, dark circles beneath his eyes and he’s pale and distant and his voice is quieter than usual and he’s unfocused and clearly suffering. Which is expected, given everything he’s been through in such a short amount of time. He and his aunt were attacked (more than once), he killed someone for the first time, and then lost his aunt and only surviving family member. It’s natural for him to be struggling. 

It’s not natural for him to be working through it. Hank wants to tell him - force him, if necessary - to take some time to process, to grieve, to heal, to sleep. But he doesn’t, because he knows Nick won’t listen to him, because this is just how Nick deals with things. He pushes himself beyond his limits and pretends like he isn’t falling apart. Hank hates it, but he doesn’t have the slightest idea as to how to fix it. 

--

They’re driving back from a crime scene, Hank at the wheel, Nick leaning his head against the passenger seat window. Hank glances over at him every so often, notices his eyes slipping closed, and purposefully drives a bit slower in the hopes that Nick will fall asleep. 

But Nick can’t - or won’t - fall asleep. Hank stops at a red light, and Nick pushes away from the window, blinking his eyes slowly and clearly absolutely forcing himself to stay awake. This isn’t good for you, Hank thinks at his best friend, as the light changes. You’re going to make yourself sick by not sleeping. You’re going to get hurt. And you’re already hurting so much. 

He’d say all this to Nick, if he thought there was any chance of Nick listening. But to be honest, he’s not sure that Nick is even capable of listening to him right now. Not when he can barely keep his eyes open and looks somehow worse than death warmed over. 

A few minutes later, they arrive back at the precinct, Nick still stubbornly awake, Hank still worried and wondering if there’s anything he can do to get Nick to sleep. Nick walks inside very slowly and deliberately, like if he stops focusing on walking, he’ll collapse right then and there (which, Hank thinks, he just might end up doing anyway, if he doesn’t get some rest soon). Fortunately, the only thing the two of them have left to do today is paperwork. 

They haven’t been sitting at their desks for five minutes when Hank decides he’s had enough. Nick’s hand is slipping off the paper every two seconds, and his eyes keep closing, only for him to force them open again. Hank isn’t getting any work done, either, too preoccupied with watching Nick and wishing that there was something he could do. 

He supposes that there is, if he can just get Nick to listen to him and do what he says. He won’t know until he tries, so he says, “come with me,” and stands up, hoping that Nick will follow suit. 

Nick looks at him, horribly confused, but struggles to his feet anyway. That was easier than I expected, Hank thinks, but keeps that revelation to himself. He leads Nick into the break room, shooing away a couple of junior detectives with a sharp look, leaving him and Nick in the room alone. He closes the door behind them and flicks off the overhead lights. 

“Sit,” he instructs, pointing to the couch. Nick sits and then looks at Hank like he’s not sure why he’s here. 

Hank sighs. “I know you haven’t been sleeping. I don’t blame you, with everything you’ve gone through in the past few days. It’s natural to be struggling, but you’re obviously exhausted and I don’t want you getting hurt. Sleep.”

Nick’s eyes look anywhere but him. He picks at a seam on the couch cushion. “I can’t…I keep…”

Hank picks up on what Nick can’t bring himself to admit. “Nightmares, right?”

Nick nods, flushing, and Hank hates that he feels embarrassed by this. He reaches out a hand to touch Nick's arm. Nick pulls away, then slowly lets himself lean back into the touch. 

“You know, that’s a perfectly normal reaction to trauma,” Hank says. “I don’t think you could find a single person in this precinct who hasn’t had a nightmare or two…or twenty.”

Nick shrugs. 

“But they’re why you haven’t been sleeping?”

Nick admits it like it physically hurts. “They scare Juliette. She tries not to show it but I can see it…they scare me, too. Hank, what if I’m going crazy?”

His voice breaks a little, and Hank watches him bite down on his bottom lip and blink back tears. Hank wishes desperately that there was something he could say or do to fix this all, to take the devastated look off of Nick’s face, but he knows there’s nothing. So he offers up the one thing he is sure of.

“You’re not going crazy,” he promises. “You’re processing about a million different horrible things at once. Which might feel like going crazy, but I promise you, you’re okay.”

One of the tears he’d tried to force back slips down Nick’s cheek, and then he’s crying, extremely quietly, and Hank wonders how long it had taken him to learn how to do that. Nick hides his face in his hands and sniffs and Hank feels this pull to do something, so he very slowly and carefully wraps an arm around Nick, hugging him a bit awkwardly but (he hopes) comfortingly. Nick turns his body into Hank’s and relaxes against him, and for quite a few minutes they just sit together. 

Eventually, Nick pulls back, and once again refuses to look at Hank. “Sorry,” he whispers, and Hank would smack him on the back of the head if he didn’t already look so damn broken. 

“Don’t you dare be sorry,” he says, his voice equal parts threatening and kind. “Just sleep, okay? I’ll stay in here with you and do our paperwork and if you start looking like you’re having a nightmare, I’ll wake you up.”

“Really?” Nick asks. “You don’t have to -”

“I’m doing it,” Hank interrupts. “And I know I don’t have to. I want to.”

“Okay,” Nick agrees, easy as that. He curls himself into a ball on the couch, shoes and jacket still on, and closes his eyes. He’s asleep in seconds, even though some of the lights are still on and the sounds of the precinct are filtering through the walls. He really is exhausted, Hank thinks, getting up to go and grab their paperwork. Nick’ll owe him for doing it, eventually, but for now, he’s happy to fill out section A and check the proper box and initial on the line in return for his best friend finally getting the sleep he so desperately needs. 

Hank returns to the break room with two stacks of papers, turns off every light except the one by the table that faces the couch, and sits down to get to work. He watches Nick first, for a moment, though, his chest rising and falling, his face relaxed, looking peaceful and comfortable for the first time in days. Hank smiles at him, and picks up his pen. 

thanks for reading! if by some miracle this didn’t suck and you liked it then please know i love you so much <3

#summerofwhump #summerofwhump15 #sleep deprived #sleep deprivation #exhaustion #grimm #nick burkhardt #my writing #i say things #emotional whump #anyway i had the longest day. tag rant incoming. #i had to get up earlier than normal which is already too early at 6 to get gas and on the way to the gas station my check engine light comes #on so i get gas and then have to go home and take my moms car and i get to work late so am running around for a bit #doing the stuff i usually do before i open up #and im there for a while and then i get home and have like an hour of free time to eat lunch and do chores #and then i have three hours of diff college things and like i wanted to do them but still a Lot #and then i had to go to the rehearsal for the musical that im helping with and that was 3 hours #and then dinner and then the gym and now home #and in between all that i wrote this #so obv it kinda stinks! sorry #but i am so so tired #ack #at least i get to pick up my paycheck tomorrow :) #anyway gn!!!!! if you read this tired incoherent mess i love u

[spencers-renaissance]

This Gravitational Pull

Summary: Penelope Garcia sets her two best friends Derek & Spencer up on a blind first date. Even with the best intentions and highest expectations, no-one could've predicted it would go quite this well.

Tags: fluff, first date, au: diff first meeting, shy spencer, insecurity, anxiety, flirting, cuddling, protective derek, silly amounts of affection

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Spencer Reid

Word Count: 2.9k

Masterlist // Read on AO3

I started writing this and then realised that I'd set their date in a pub's beer garden? I googled it and apparently they are a thing in America so I kept it in. I don't know how common they are, but I hope it's all good and you can picture the setting just fine.

Spencer really wishes he hadn’t agreed to this blind date.

Not because he doesn’t trust Penelope — he does, he trusts her implicitly and entirely — but because it's a blisteringly hot day in late July and the heat compounded by his shaking nerves is making for a rather unpleasant sweating situation.

A bumblebee buzzes quietly around the table he’s sat at, briefly interested in the iced coffee he’s got his hands wrapped around, and Spencer watches it with a gentle sort of intrigue, able to briefly take his mind off the impending date. He knows that Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan is physically attractive, Penelope had made that more than clear with both her copious photos of him and the way she’s sung his praises since she started working at the FBI, but if anything, that just makes him more nervous. If Derek wasn’t his type, then he wouldn’t have as much to lose.

He runs a nervous hand through his hair as he heaves a small sigh. Worst case scenario, he can run home to his apartment, order Indian food, bury himself in the early edition of War and Peace he just won in an auction and forget that this date ever happened.

“Spencer? Spencer Reid?”

A surprisingly deep and sexy voice has him looking up from the watch face he’s been staring at perhaps a little too intensely, and he’s instantly taken aback by the Greek God standing in front of him. He’d known Derek was attractive, he'd seen pictures of him, but no camera could ever hope to do someone so beautiful any semblance of justice.

“Uh, y-yes, um, yeah. That’s me.” He shakes his head to try and recover his awkward word stumbling before discreetly wiping his sweaty palm on his trousers and standing up to shake Derek’s hand. “You’re Derek?”

“The one and only,” Derek says cheekily, shooting Spencer a grin that already has his stomach churning with a mix of excitement and crippling nerves. “Penelope told me you were gorgeous, but let me tell you, she really undersold it, pretty boy.”

His cheeks instantly flush red as he fights to maintain eye contact, blinking owlishly at the other man. Did he really just say that?

“I was going to say the same thing.”

Derek’s grin only widens. “Well, it looks like Penelope matched us well, then.”

This time Spencer allows himself to briefly duck his head as a baffling mix of pleasure and mortification swim around his chest. He puts it down to inexperience. Any other explanation will only compound his embarrassment.

“She did,” he agrees, smiling over at Derek and hoping desperately that he’s managing to stay cooler on the outside than he is on the inside. “Do you want something to drink?”

Derek nods. “I’ll go and order a beer at the bar. Do you want anything or are you okay with that coffee?”

“Oh no, I’m fine, thank you,” Spencer says, and mentally he praises himself for finally getting out a coherent sentence that doesn’t sound hopelessly mangled and flustered.

He watches Derek as he strides into the pub, looking as cool and confident as his looks and personality allow, and he realises that he really does just have a way about him. The bar is relatively crowded due to the blinding heat on a Saturday afternoon, but the bartender serves him instantly, all the girls eyeing him interestedly and the guys knocking his shoulder and joking about with him as though they’re all easy, long-time friends.

It’s nice, Spencer thinks, to be the focus of someone like that’s attention. Derek could have his pick of most people drinking here, but he only has eyes for Spencer as he comes back out, holding a tall pint and wearing a happy, focused expression as he sits back down.

“Do you not drink?” Derek asks curiously and without judgement, gesturing to his coffee.

“I go out with my friends sometimes,” Spencer says, blushing again, “but I’m a bit of a lightweight, and that’s not the best state of mind to be in on any first date, let alone a blind one.”

Derek chuckles warmly at that, and the sound is a pleasant rumble reminiscent of a distant thunderstorm. Spencer wants to melt into it.

“I think I’d like to see you all messy on a night out, pretty boy,” Derek says wryly, still grinning shamelessly, and Spencer gets the distinct impression that this ‘pretty boy’ business is going to be a Thing between them.

Spencer cocks his head and takes a sip of his coffee through the long metal straw. “Maybe you’ll have to join us some time.”

“Does that mean we’re going on another date?” Derek asks, but before Spencer can panic that he’s said the wrong thing, he’s smoothly continuing. “Because I’m more than down for that.”

“You are?”

“Pretty boy, you ever looked in the mirror?” Derek demands playfully. “Add that to this cute little nerdy bashful doctor thing you got going on and you’re the whole package. Of course I want another date with you, and we’ve barely even started this one.”

Spencer flushes bright pink at that, and decides to move the conversation on before he melts into a literal puddle in the middle of this beer garden. “So you know Penelope through work?”

Derek gets the hint. “I was part of the group that arrested her, actually,” he chuckles, “and I thought she was gonna be a nightmare to work with when we gave her the option of working for the FBI instead of going to prison. But then she showed up on her first day decked out from head to toe in pink and yellow, her hair dyed back to her natural blonde, and the way she smiled when I called her baby girl… well, it was smooth sailing from then on. Did you know her back in her Black Queen days?”

“I was her one phone call,” Spencer answers, his face splitting into an easy grin as they discuss his favourite person on planet earth. “I was terrified she was going to jail and I’d lose her forever, so I was over the moon when you guys offered her that deal. We went to get our hair done together the very next day.”

“Oh yeah? And what did Pretty Boy have done to his hair, hm?”

Spencer blushes. “Let’s just say she wasn’t the only one who had a rebellious phase?”

“Now that I have got to know more about.”

“Save it for date number two, SSA Morgan,” Spencer shoots back, relaxing into the easy banter between them.

“Alright, alright, baby, I can do that,” he says, winking again. Thankfully, Spencer manages not to do an embarrassing impression of a traffic light this time. “How did you and Penelope meet?”

“Back in college actually,” Spencer nods. “She was sort of going off the rails after her parents’ death, but I think finding a scared 12 year old in her Geography elective helped her rein it in a bit. We’ve been glued at the hip pretty much since we met. Even when I went to MIT for a bit to complete my Engineering PhD, she came with me. Since her job back then was mostly hacking and some supplemental side jobs, it didn’t really matter where she was based, she was just hellbent on protecting me like she has ever since that first Geography class.”

“Wow,” Derek says, looking genuinely shocked as he leans back a little bit, eyeing Spencer with curious eyes. “You went to college when you were twelve? I’m glad you had Penelope because that could’ve been a disaster.”

“It kind of was,” Spencer nods, laughing a little. “But it meant that I had five degrees including three doctorates by the time I was twenty-one so I wasn’t too mad about it.”

Derek stares at him consideringly, the soft smile on his face making Spencer’s stomach fill with butterflies. “You’re quite the genius aren’t you?”

“Well, I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, and can read 20,000 words per minute.”

Derek just stares at him.

“So, yeah, I guess I’m a genius?” he says bashfully.

Derek laughs, shaking his head. “Definitely a genius. I mean, Penelope told me you were clever, but this is like… insane. Are you sure you’re okay to go out with a mere mortal like me or should I see myself out?”

“Yeah actually, Derek, sorry, it’s not going to work out,” Spencer says, feigning seriousness. “I can’t be with anybody who’s not within twenty IQ points of me or doesn’t have at least two PhDs.”

“A good actor, too? What don’t you have going for you, pretty boy?” He laughs in that wild and free kind of way Spencer always wishes he could, and he wonders whether Derek could teach him how.

Derek watches him like there’s something special about Spencer as the sound of their laughter mingles, looks at him like there’s nowhere else he’d rather be but right here, right now, and the warm intensity of it has a buzz going in Spencer’s chest, a pleasant feeling he can’t imagine anything dousing, and he never wants Derek to take his eyes off him again. Not if this is how it’s always going to make him feel.

The hours of the afternoon fly by and all of a sudden the sun is setting and they’re feeling distinctly hungry.

“How do you feel about getting some street food and taking a wander down to the beach?” Derek suggests hopefully, and Spencer can’t help the wide grin that splits his cheeks at the idea.

“Let’s do it.”

The beach is slightly cooler than the garden now the sun is setting and a soft, salty breeze is floating in from the ocean, so they sit close together in the sand, sharing their servings of nachos and fries between them.

“What’s your family like?” Spencer asks, a little daringly after a couple of minutes of comfortable silence.

Derek smiles. “They’re amazing. It’s been just me, my mom, and my two sisters since I was ten years old, but I think losing my dad only brought us closer together, y’know? We had to learn from a young age how to rely on each other, and we were also taught the very valuable lesson of just how important family is and how nothing in life is guaranteed, so we’ve made every effort to be as close to one another as possible.”

Spencer watches with quiet admiration as Derek gushes about his family, and takes another bite of their nachos. “Do they live locally?”

“No, they’re all still back in Chicago,” Derek says. “It’s sad sometimes, being so far away from them, but they would have killed me if I’d stuck around back home just for them and hadn’t chased my dream of climbing the ladder of the FBI.”

Spencer nods, chuckling along with Derek as they stare out at the quiet, tumbling waves of the ocean.

“What about you?” Derek asks. “Are you close with your family?”

Shit. He hadn’t exactly considered that asking Derek about his family would lead to reverse questioning about his own. I mean, call him a genius all you want, but social interaction is not his area of expertise.

“Uh, it’s just me and my mom. She lives back in Vegas,” he explains, clearing his throat awkwardly as he hopes that’s enough to appease his date.

Truthfully, it probably would have been, but Derek doesn’t say anything immediately, and the silence feels like it’s choking him into admitting the truth, however much it makes his chest tighten and his stomach flip with anxiety. What if this is it? What if Derek doesn’t want to start something with someone who has a family history as fucked up as his? What if he reads between the lines and sees that Spencer could be just like his mom in the future, and thinks that starting a relationship is just too risky?

“She has paranoid schizophrenia,” he blurts out, the words rolling off his tongue without his express permission, and instead of shutting up, they just keep coming. “When my dad left when I was ten, I had to be her sole carer until I left for college at twelve, but even then she refused professional help and medication, so I was taking the train from Pasadena to Las Vegas every weekend to try and help her out, and it got messy a lot of the time. It was only when I turned eighteen that things got a little bit easier, and that was only because I betrayed her trust and had her sectioned into a Sanitorium.

“They’re amazing, they take really good care of her and I did my research obviously, but I think a part of her still resents me for doing that.”

He stares out at the ocean for a couple of seconds before he suddenly realises where he is and what he’s just done.

“Oh my god,” he says as horror and dread fill him from the bottom up, “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have just dumped all that on you, I’m sorry, just—”

“Hey, pretty boy,” Derek says gently, placing a reassuring hand on his back to get his attention. “It’s okay, don’t worry. I’m just happy you felt comfortable enough to tell me all of that, and besides, I asked the question, and I meant it. I wanted to know the answer.”

Spencer feels some of the panic recede a little, and he looks up at Derek to try and gauge whether he’s telling the truth. “Really?”

Derek’s expression only softens further. “Really.”

He relaxes a little further and leans into Derek’s side, smiling to himself when Derek wraps his arm fully around his waist, resting his head on top of Spencer’s.

“I feel like I’ve known you way longer than just four hours and fifty six minutes,” Spencer says eventually.

Derek chuckles, and this time Spencer can feel the low rumble against his cheek as well as hear it. “It might be the biggest cliche in the book, but I feel exactly the same, baby.”

“I think sharing street food on the beach while staring out at a sunset as romantic and beautiful as that one has cemented the cliches in this date enough already,” Spencer points out, laughing a little.

“That is very true,” Derek agrees, squeezing his hand against Spencer’s waist. “We could round all the cliches off with a kiss, if you’d like.”

Spencer sits upright, blushing again as he eyes Derek’s flirtatious but serious expression. “I’d like that a lot.”

Derek wastes no time in taking Spencer’s jaw in his hand and leaning in slowly to place a long, sensuous kiss to his lips. Spencer kisses back with as much control as is possible when your experience is next to none and you have one of the most beautiful men in the world turning your stomach inside out with his attention, but it seems to be enough for Derek because as soon as they pull away, he’s grinning widely.

“You’re quite the kisser, pretty boy.”

Spencer fights the blush but it comes anyway. “I like that.”

Derek’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “The kiss?”

“No, the pet names.”

Derek’s expression smooths out and he smiles again, a little more tenderly than his usual cheeky grin. “Well, that’s good, because I have plenty more up my sleeve, sweetheart.”

Spencer flushes with pleasure this time and settles back against Derek’s side, observing the blue sea as they settle into silence once more.

“I’m not very used to all of this, by the way,” he says after a while, the sky slowly darkening.

“Used to what?”

“This. Kissing. Dating. Pet names.”

Derek looks down at Spencer to try and get a better look at his face. “Really? You could’ve fooled me.”

“I’ve only ever had one boyfriend before, and this is only the second date I’ve ever been on.”

“Any girlfriends?”

“Not really my area.”

“And this other date, was that with boyfriend number one?”

Spencer shakes his head against Derek’s shoulder. “No, I never went on a date with him. I met him in college and we were friends first, so we never really dated, just fell into a relationship.”

“Ah.” A brief silence settles over them again, but Derek doesn’t let it hang long. “You know I’m not bothered by any of that, right? You could have never dated anyone ever before or have screwed your way round half of California and DC and it wouldn’t matter a single bit. Not if you were here with me, right now.”

He laughs softly as Derek lightens the mood, and something in Spencer’s chest feels like it falls into place at that, like his last anxious reservation has been washed away and he can really move forward, forge onward with this scarily exciting endeavour.

“You’re a good man, Derek Morgan. You know that, right?”

Derek kisses the top of his head. “I do,” he says, “but I’m not sure it’s ever sounded quite as special falling from anyone else’s lips as it does falling from yours.”

Further down the beach, another wave crashes against the shore, and the colours of the sunset fade away slowly. People pack up their picnic baskets and head home, and seagulls attack their leftovers, but none of that matters, because right now, Spencer’s world is Derek Morgan.

Penelope Garcia deserves a medal.

(Yes, I've used that "yeah I guess I'm a genius" sequence in way too many fics, leave me ALONE. )

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @lesbiantodds @suburban--gothic @strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith @negativefouriq @makaylajadewrites @iamrenstark @livrere-blue @hotchseyebrows @enbyspencer @reidology @transhanniballecter @spencerspecifics @bau-gremlin @hotchedyke @tobias-hankel @marsjareau @oliverbrnch @im-autistic @anxious-enby @kuolonsyoja @reidreids @ropoto @thosecriminalminds @wifeyprentiss @cmily @love-pyramus @notevanbuckley @hotchscotchh (add yourself to my taglist here!)

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[kdramabrainrotstation]

Thanks for answering Jinjoo-Elijah hc~

Can I get hc please abt how Yohan and Gaon support Elijah who has diff daily schedules bcs of US Stanford and SKorean time difference? Or maybe when Elijah is stressed abt uni exams or projects? When Elijah is sick? When Elijah wins another competitions and they attend as proud parents? Thank you 😊

sdalkfjlaskdj omg i'm thrilled you came back with more! had so much fun answering your last one~

uhhh so forewarning i checked the word count on this before posting and it's almost 2500 words holy SHIT put your seatbelts on

i'm gonna divide your ask into parts and give headcanons for each one separately. soooo...

how yohan and gaon support elijah who has different daily schedules between time zones in america/south korea

playing with a time zone converter tells me california (where stanford is located) is 16 hours behind seoul, so if elijah has a lecture scheduled at 9am pst, she would have to attend at 1am her time the morning after. some college classes can be like four hours long, so that would put her awake until probably around 5am. maybe even later if she stayed up and worked on homework/projects/assignments after.

it's tough for an adult, let alone a teenager, to go back and forth between a night schedule and a day schedule. elijah is a diligent student and it shows. it's not just in that she can hack systems and managed to negotiate a deal with a prison two time zones away, either. i feel like elijah didn't really have much else to do with her time at first. she and yohan have somewhat of a combative relationship in the beginning, because yohan has been far too busy to really give her the attention she deserved.

but post-canon, yohan 1000000 percent tries to rectify that. he doesn't work his busy job anymore. he sees elijah waking up at two and three in the afternoon looking more tired than a teenager should. he also sees her frustration when she wants to spend time with him and gaon after dinner, but she's got an exam to study for or a presentation to finish up.

so gaon and yohan decide that it's more prudent to adjust their sleep schedule a couple of times a week so that they can spend time together. gaon prepares breakfast bright and early for them, and they all eat together and then play games or study with her until it's time for gaon to head into work. he comes home a little more tired than usual on those days, but it's totally worth it.

they are also both guilty of waking up in the middle of the night to check up on her. both yohan and gaon know they're probably being a little extra in doing so, so they don't admit to each other that they're doing it. they just sneak out of bed on most of her school nights and peek into her room. she's usually so engulfed in her lecture that she doesn't notice, but it's good to see that she's doing alright. one night, yohan checks on her and notices that she doesn't have anything to eat or drink at her table, so he sneaks downstairs and finds gaon in the middle of making her a snack. initially, they're both flustered for having been caught in the act of helicopter-parenting, but soon enough, they come to a consensus that this is a good thing, because now they can alternate nights that they check in on her.

except they don't. they both still wake up. it becomes routine. elijah sure isn't complaining.

when elijah is stressed about exams and projects

this is a big one, because yohan will be desperate not to make elijah feel like she's alone ever again. especially not in her studies. education is a big deal, after all. elijah is probably smarter than yohan and gaon combined, but she's also sixteen. like any teenager, she's gonna get overwhelmed by classes. she's used to taking on a lot, being so young and having already graduated high school after all. correct me if i'm wrong, but most high school students in south korea attend classes for up to twelve hours a day, between regular classes and hagwon (cram school). factoring that in, i cannot begin to wrap my head around the pressure elijah was under that would lead to her graduating high school and attending a prestigous university at sixteen years old. she can handle a lot, and she's gonna fuckin go places, but she's also a friggin kid. and she's also human.

elijah is good at putting on a front. while she has definitely opened up a lot since the start of the show, she's also very attuned to how yohan and gaon are feeling. probably a lot more now that yohan isn't engulfed in his work constantly too. gaon has a lot on his plate, and yohan is probably working hard to support him from the backburner, and elijah would see that. she wouldn't want to add anything else to their workload, so that front would come up and she would be flippant about it. nevermind the crushing speed and intensity at which the due date for her midterm is approaching, or just how much work she has had to put into a project that isn't even half-finished yet--she's going to be strong and focus on it on her own. if yohan can do it, so can she.

gaon is extremely talented at understanding elijah, being a person who almost always thinks directly with his heart. yohan often has to be reminded in canon by gaon just how elijah is feeling about things. logic tells him she's focusing on her studies or she's in a mood because she's been hard at work on a project. he doesn't quite connect it to being overwhelmed until gaon brings it up to him. but as soon as gaon mentions it, he sees it.

and he immediately wants to do away with it, so he and gaon hatch a plan. the goal is to help ease some of the stress by way of assisting her somehow, as well as to get her mind off of school briefly. so on one of elijah's days off, gaon sets up a little party in the study, with all her favorite snacks and treats spread across the table. he treats her to sparkling juices and even manages to get jinjoo to come join them for the night. she and gaon and elijah all sing karaoke while yohan and ms. ji observe from a safe distance. elijah, surprisingly and yet also not surprisingly, joins right in. she lets off steam by screaming into a microphone while their AI butler cautions them from the desk that the music volume is at a harmful level and nobody pays it any mind.

the next morning, gaon has breakfast ready for her in bed, while he and jinjoo and yohan wait patiently for her to eat so that they can focus on her schooling. maybe she needs someone to quiz her and boost her confidence that she understands the material, or maybe she needs a little help putting things for a project together. maybe she just needs a few other opinions about what she's been working on. either way, they're gonna make sure she's caught up so that when it comes time for that thing she's been stressing over, she can breathe easy.

when elijah is sick

i love love love sick headcanons. dunno what it is about em, but god they bring out my sappiest ideas

this one could go hand in hand with elijah's stress level about her studies and shitty sleep schedule as a result. stress and exhaustion weaken the immune system and make it hard to fight illness, and the next thing elijah knows, she's got a nasty fever and can't stay awake. she feels it coming a couple days beforehand, but toughs it out until her next day off. she notices the weakness when she's a little shaky getting into bed, but decides that after some rest, she'll be fine.

and then she sleeps for far too long. it's well into evening and gaon and yohan have checked on her several times to find her fast asleep. yohan goes in to try and wake her up so that she can eat, and finds her flushed and sweaty. she's hot to the touch and he immediately worries. medicine isn't his field of expertise, so he automatically overreacts. he comes downstairs a bit too quickly and not-so-gracefully trips down the last couple of stairs. gaon is amused for half a second before he sees that yohan's lips are in a thin line and his brow is deeply furrowed--something is wrong.

this certainly isn't the first time yohan has seen elijah sick before and it probably won't be the last. but he canonically loses his cool any time something is wrong with elijah. when he thought she'd been abducted, any time he saw her cry...i think it's perfectly within the realm of possibility for yohan to panic a little whenever she gets sick. inwardly he knows she'll be fine, but he's also not going to fully believe it until he sees it. that's just how he is.

after asking butler for suggestions, yohan follows gaon up to her room and finds him dabbing at her forehead with a washcloth, before he folds it and lays it across her forehead. yohan rattles off a few of butler's suggestions--"acetaminophen or other nsaids help reduce fever", "she needs to drink plenty of fluids", "try and wake her up--i need to know what her other symptoms are"--clear up until gaon shushes him and points to the phone he's got on his ear.

soon enough, they've got a doctor at the mansion, examining her. by now, she's awakened and is telling them they're being ridiculous in a feeble voice that indicates they're actually not. in the end, the doctor tells them she's just overworked and needs to take a few days off to regain her strength. he reassures them that she'll be fine and instructs them to do most of the same things the AI butler had suggested. he recommends a traditional remedy for fever, but sharply tells them to let her rest for a while first--mostly because despite having berated them for worrying, elijah has already fallen back asleep.

they stay in her room with her, alternating between watching over her at bedside and sleeping with their head on the round table in her room. when she wakes, they encourage water and medicine, traditional soups that gaon has prepared for her. yohan has butler send an email in english to her professors apologizing and stating she'll be out for a few days. he receives concerned emails in response that express genuine surprise since elijah has never missed a lecture even once and that they hope she's alright.

three days later, when elijah's fever has finally subsided, she finds herself greeted to balloons and flowers on her bedside table and the other table in her room. when she asks where they came from, gaon and yohan admit that several of her professors from stanford had them delivered...and that they too may have bought her some as well.

she feigns embarrassment, but she's not-so-secretly flattered.

when elijah wins a competition/award and gaon and yohan attend as proud parents

okay but imagine her winning some like prestigious award through her school for a project she did or some sort of research she conducted that revolutionized...idk something, i'm not well versed her area of study, but hopefully you get where i'm going with this. she does something super reputable, wins a very imporant award, and is invited to california to accept it.

taking into account all the other headcanons above, i think it's safe to say that gaon would be downright emotional for her. equal parts proud and impressed. all her hard work paid off and he got to witness it firsthand, and god, elijah really is going to change the world some day. yohan is right there with him, but it's less outright emotion and more a grin so broad it freaks elijah out when she sees it. "go back to acting like you've got more important things to do," she tells him. "you're grossing me out."

but even she's excited. elijah is probably downright stir-crazy, seeing as her studies have likely kept her restricted to the mansion for most of her return back to korea after switzerland. she's giddy by the time they're on their flight, and telling yohan that they should find her something special to wear to the ceremony once they get to california. she also goes over a list of places she'd like to visit and foods she'd like to try. she's visibly buzzing with excitement the first handful of hours in flight, until she passes out with her head on gaon's shoulder.

for yohan, this is one of the best experiences of his life. it's because he sees the youthful excitement in her eyes, and it takes him straight back to all those years ago, when she had still excitedly played with her dolls, hummed little songs and bounced on her heels to made up tunes in her head. sometimes, yohan would sing along with her to those tunes. it's a reminder to him that while they have both been through hell and back, elijah is still capable of that childlike happiness. and despite already being in college, she still gets to be a kid every now and then.

gaon sees how happy that makes yohan even through the calm on his face and clasps their hands together--a silent agreement that elijah's excitement is contagious.

y'all remember the car chase scene in the drama? or the part where yohan intentionally made gaon swerve? the way yohan cheered both times? he definitely cheers the hardest out of anyone when elijah heads up onstage and accepts her award. she gives her acceptance speech in english, and gaon and yohan can only understand bits and pieces of it, but they're both tuned in like they're absorbing each and every word. yohan takes gaon's hand and squeezes it tight to fight back emotion so he doesn't embarrass his niece. gaon, on the other hand, is misty-eyed and beaming from ear to ear.

she delivers her speech in the new outfit the three of them spent hours shopping around for, her expression all smiles and eyes alight with the nervous energy she's been working hard to keep out of her voice. by the time she finishes and bows for the audience applauding her, she's outright shaking.

when she reaches yohan and gaon, she's in tears. they're happy tears, of course, but tears nonetheless. both gaon and yohan crumble and move in to hug her tightly. gaon cries right there with her and yohan repeats multiple times just how proud he is of her. his voice quivers a little, but when she asks him if he's crying, he defensively denies it.

holy FUCK this post is long. i'm not sure if i should apologize or what but i hope y'all enjoyed it! thank you so much for the ask nonnie!

#the devil judge #tdj #kang elijah #kang yohan #kim gaon

[valkyrieskwad]

would love to see you do the 2019 fic writing roundup!!

Here ya go (this is longer than i thought it would be lmfao):

2019 Writing Round-up

AO3 word count: 278,552 words

where there’s desire, there’s gonna be a flame (M, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor)

the one where Lena’s a criminal and Kara loses every argument she tries to have.

um, this is the second fic i started for supergirl, but the first one i finished. i wrote this because basically my heart was not into crash and i wanted to do something quick and funny. i finished this in like four hours and was really happy with it. 

we’re burning down the bridges this time (M, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor)

the au where Lena’s an investigative journalist that’s never managed to land a front page story, Kara’s a hotshot National Geographic photographer, and they make a really good team.

this is the third fic i started and second one i finished for supergirl, and i fucking struggled with this one. it wasn’t even that i didn’t like the fic, i was still just not wanting to write crash and then i lost a story i enjoyed writing and so i wrote this but i was really over writing but this kinda pulled me out of the slump. i love this story.

crash through the surface (E, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor)

the fic where Lena gets involved with something dangerous, Kara’s in over her head with everything, and neither one of them know how to deal with their feelings for each other.

haha i have too much to say about this fic. it’s the first big project i’d taken on in more than three years and i felt like i did a lot of things wrong in the beginning so the end was me cleaning it up and it made it way harder to write than it should have been, so i have a bad relationship with this fic. but i don’t think it’s that bad, just, akdlfkjfhfdas.

when you feel my heat, look into my eyes (E, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor)

Lena makes sex toys, and Kara helps her test them out.

this is the buttplug fic and my only claim to fame. i love this fic.

i’ll be your light, your match, your burning sun (E, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor)

Lena only joins the uni’s ultimate frisbee team because Sam keeps talking her ear off about needing more players. But then she meets the captain, Kara Danvers, and suddenly her summer gets a lot more interesting.

okay! frisbee fic! i fucking loved writing this. i think i struggled a little with the last bit bec i wanted to show like a natural progression to young love, and i’m not super happy with some parts, but i love this fic so much it’s my baby it’s made me friends it’s - it was fun, idk. i really appreciated the fandom taking a chance on frisbee, tbh. it’s a great sport.

your love is bright as ever (even in the shadows) (M, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor)

the one where Lena cries a lot, loses Kara, gets her back, and starts learning how to be okay again. Especially that last bit. ♥

i’d already started writing the cave fic when i posted this, but i stopped to write this bec the reveal kinda put me in a weird mood and i needed to write about it. i really wanted to work on the cave fic, though, so ugh. this could have been better and there are places i wish i could add to it and i just kinda wrapped it up instead of drawing it out, but. i like it. it also helped me get out my reveal feelings, so i love it for what it did and what it is.

sink into you like water (pray you won’t pull me under) (E, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor)

a [Fake Dating AU] in which Kara rescues Lena from an underwater cave, it turns into one of the biggest media frenzies of the year, and they somehow get branded America’s Sweetest Couple by the public. Except, they’re not actually a couple, they’re divorced.

um, there’s a lot to say about this. i got the idea for this one day out of nowhere and started toying with it. then i went hiking in colorado and in the middle of dying at the top of the mountain i was like holy fuck this is what i wanna write. so i wrote a bunch of it, then i didn’t post it bec i was like who the fuck wants to read a cave fic. then, i dont remember why but i posted some of it on tumblr and some people were like post it, so i did. i love this fic with my whole heart. there’s like, two places i wish i did something diff, but as a whole i’m happy this exists in the form it does and that it came from me.

we could slow dance to rock music, kiss while we do it (E, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor)

College AU, where Lena’s a baby goth with nipple piercings, Kara’s her roommate and completely smitten, and they get matching tattoos somewhere along the way.

um, i don’t know what to say about this. it was super fun and came from multiple tumblr prompts and i love being collaborative and playing off of other peoples’ ideas. i also think the second chapter is probably some of the best smut i’ve written tbh.

life’s a drink and love’s a drug (E, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor)

It’s not the first time Kara’s worn the scarf outside the bedroom. She’s been pretty obsessed with it ever since it moved from being a simple part of Lena’s wardrobe to a part of their sex life.

this was a tumblr prompt i made longer for someone. had a ton of fun writing it.

and we’ll start a fire, and we’ll shut it down (’til the love runs out) (E, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor)

MORE FRISBEE.

it feels like i’ll never get around to writing this, but it’ll happen.

staring in the blackness at some distant star (M, Lena Luthor/Andrea Rojas)

some college-aged rojascorp

this kinda started as a joke and then i realized i’m absolutely in love with this ship and i’m going to keep writing it even if no one wants it because it makes me happy.

time’s supposed to heal you (but i ain’t done much healing) (E, Kara Danvers, Lena Luthor)

the one where Lena loses herself in a small town, and finds Kara Danvers in the process.

um, this is my favorite thing i’ve ever written in my life. i have so many feelings about it, but i’ll save them for a giant tl;dr post i’ll make when it’s finally finished.

a falling star fell from your heart (and landed in my eyes) (E, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor/Andrea Rojas)

post college hiking au, where Lena’s hopeless, Andrea is a mess, and Kara’s just along for any ride.

this is also one of my favorite things i’ve written, i love this so much i love andrea i love lena i love kara i love them to gether. i love hiking. i will finish this soon.

reflecting in your eyes, like an endless summer (E, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor)

the vampire au.

haha, i don’t know what to say about this. i love this story and have some super elaborate shit planned and im being shameless about it bec i’ve wanted to write a vamp story since the beginning of time and have always been like im gonna get shit for it bec everyone is over vampires. but like, i’ve been like fuck it and i’m loving it.

I WROTE SO FUCKING MUCH THIS YEAR ANYONE WHO SAYS THEY’VE READ IT ALL YOU’RE AUTOMATICALLY MY FUCKING FAV. THANK YOU.

#supergirl #supercorp #kara danvers #lena luthor #valkyrees #my fics #writing round-up #2019 was a shit taco of a year but i grew a lot and love you all #thanks #asks #Anonymous

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHY TO CONVINCE INVESTORS

But the real advantage of individual filters is that they'll all be different. Instead of paying the guy money as a boring errand to be got out of the deal. They're doing a finance startup, which is hard to predict beforehand, so I'll have a detailed image to diff with reality. We've kept the program shape—all of us having dinner together once a week, cooked for the first sentence. Let them write lists of n things within something that looks like it will make the company his full-time till 21 or 22 are pitching us ideas with little hope of making money? When you tread water, you lift yourself up by pushing water down. So why shouldn't undergrads be able to set x to some value and then start spending a lot of people probably thought we'd have some working system for micropayments by now.

In fact, it wasn't initially a startup idea. If it isn't, how do you get so much better when you hit ramen profitability. The startup will almost certainly be more than a page. These forces are always at work to some degree. Those hours after the phone stops ringing are by far the best programmers, but even the best hackers can't save you. An individual mine or factory owner could decide to install a legitimate-seeming way of saying what they really mean is that it won't produce the sort of person to start a startup do now, in the sense of being about hacking, because it's a way of getting new customers, but it could be anything, the content of your description approaches zero. After Viaweb became Yahoo Store, this software is the most popular online store builder that ran on the server and yet felt like a family. Languages evolve slowly because they're not going to apply for patents to build up the patent portfolio they'll need to. Actually the best model would be to include working unsubscribe links in their mails. There would be no room for investors to care about price, a significant number of the best things Google has done better than most alternatives. No VC will admit they're more conservative. Why does this sound familiar?

To get into a good college you're concentrated together with a lot of the towns they like most are those that seem like bragging, flames, digressions, stretches of awkward prose, and unnecessary words. It's an unusual thing to do when they're 12, and just look at you blankly. The place to fight design wars is in new markets, where no one has proposed it before. And they may thereby produce things that make the writing of the people who write about procrastination write about how to hire an executive team, which is a problem because they tend to become merely stubborn. So while you're talking to Vinod Khosla or John Doerr or Mike Moritz, this is true for funding. You don't get money just for working, but for good new ideas, you produce something that seems like it's going to consume at least three or four people, so only three or four different people, and attitudes can only change a certain amount of time knows not to default to skepticism, no matter how much. Ok, so how do you know it's going to consume at least three or four people, so we try to ensure startups are ready to raise money from a top firm would generally be a bargain.

How you live affects how long you live. A lot of ancient philosophy had the quality—and I don't want to see another era of client monoculture like the Microsoft one in the future had few fonts and they weren't smiling. Well, you don't take seriously because you plan to make. This is supposed to double every eighteen months seems likely to run up against a hard one here. What you really want is the destination, but Be relentlessly resourceful is how you get there. In writing, as you do. In practice this seems to be that smart. That should probably be multiple blacklists.

They use it because it yields the best results. If there were two features we could add to our software, both equally valuable in proportion to an estimate of the probability that an investor is notorious for this, because it implies you're supposed to be an all-or-nothing proposition. Microsoft. Across industries and countries, will depend increasingly on how they deal with are quasi-monopolies that get away with. Thanks to Jessica Livingston and Harj Taggar for reading drafts of this. What decided the contest for computers? The Impressionists show the typical pattern: they were born all over France Pissarro was born in the Carribbean and died all over France Pissarro was born in the early stages. Lots forgot USB sticks. A couple years ago, software development gets exponentially more efficient. But in addition to such indirect competitors, I think, without macros?

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #future #errand #software #people #design #startups #stages #money #something #approaches #industries #one #Jessica #finance #prose #ramen #anything #hacking #hope #time #x #drafts

[yastaghr]

Our Skeleton 36 - Machine and Machinations

Summary: Sans, Papyrus, and Alphys work on a machine to help everyone remember when Frisk has to LOAD. Everyone else works up a plan of action to use against the parent-creatures.

Warnings: Real World Issues

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7563223/chapters/60380821

“everything is temporary, everything will slide! love will never die, die, die. i know that ooh~ birds fly in diff-”

Sans’ distracted half-mumbling, half-singing was interrupted by the creak of the basement door. He looked up from the machine he was actively working on and smiled a truly lazy smile at the monsters walking down the stairs. Alphys and Papyrus were coming down the steps with milk crates full of scraps in their arms. Alphys had one crate of electronic components. Papyrus had three full of scrap metal and bits of wiring. Sans quickly lept over and took the wobbling crate on the top of the stack out of his brother’s arms and carried it over to the lab bench.

“thanks, guys,” Sans chuckled, “it’d take me hours to find all this stuff. it’s been a while since i did any tinkering, so i’ve got no idea where the dump is up here. i’m nowhere near as good at machines as you are, alph, but i thought i’d give this a shot.”

Alphys set her loaded box on the table next to the one Sans had set there and shoved her glasses up the bridge of her nose with her finger. “I d-d-don’t know if I would say that, S-s-sans. your ideas for the heating coils in the hot fridge were genius! I, um, would never have thought about running electricity through ionized air like that.”

Sans blew out a huff of air. It wasn’t a sigh; it was more like an expression of fond exasperation.

“i didn’t come up with that one, alph, the humans did. i…”

He hesitated. How exactly did he learn about that? He couldn’t remember ever actually reading about it. He could vaguely recall someone telling him about it, someone tall that he looked up to, even if they were eccentric. He usually had a pretty good memory, but this one was slipping away from him. Apparently his memory wasn’t good enough to transcend timelines. That had hurt a little bit to learn, especially when he found out that the plant could remember where he couldn’t. It was hardly going to stroke someone’s ego to find out a plant had a better memory than they did… What was he thinking about again?

Sans blinked at the two monsters who were blinking back at him. He was pretty sure that, by the expressions on their faces, Alphys and Papyrus had no idea what he was talking about, either.

“uh… sorry about that. i’ll just get back to my project.”

Alphys’ face flushed with an expression Sans could only name as bravery and determination. She stepped forward and said, “I-I-I’m going to help, Sans. I want to be able to remember when Frisk LOADs, too. That’s what your machine is for, um, right? To help everyone remember?”

Sans nodded, too surprised to respond properly. How had she known that?

“I’LL HELP, TOO! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE SPENT ENOUGH TIME WORKING ON THE PUZZLES IN SNOWDIN TO BE OF GREAT USE!”

Sans looked between the two of them until he got dizzy. Then he shook the cobwebs out of his head. If they wanted to help that was fine by him! “go ahead, guys. paps, do you think you can take apart the scrap with me? i can’t- no, we can’t do anything until we have more parts. and alph, maybe you can take a look at my code? i keep getting a stack overflow error that i can’t track down. there has to be an infinite loop somewhere, i just can’t find it.”

Both Alphys and Papyrus nodded their heads and grabbed the right tools for their respective jobs. Sans smiled. This machine was going to be finished in a snap!

=====

The living room was full of silence as the council of war got underway. Toriel and Asgore were sitting on either side of Frisk on the couch. Flowey was leaning in a window on the wall to their right. Undyne was pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace, her boots squeaking as she did so. Gerson was sitting in one of the overstuffed chairs that flanked the couch and faced the fireplace. Finally, Grillby was leaning against the other chair. His arms were crossed and his face was unreadable.

Grillby was the first person to break the silence. “..... We must do something about….. those awful people. They have done….. too much to hurt my boys and as….. Frisk has said, they are not above killing others. What should….. we do?”

Toriel broke the thoughtful quiet that followed his words. “The police would be the best option, would they not? They are trained and paid to do this kind of work.”

“NO!” Two voices and one set of arms objected. Frisk had signed as emphatically as they could. Asgore looked absolutely horrified, and Grillby was resigned. Toriel tilted her head in confusion, and Asgore answered her with an explanation.

“The police are not very nice, Toriel. They are one of the biggest groups of anti-monster people around. They are also very… bribeable. The parents of our datemate and his brother are quite rich. They would easily be able to pay their way out of this. The police would be more likely to arrest us than them.”

Frisk nodded vigorously and signed, [There’s a reason I made sure no monster joined the force. They hurt Undyne really bad a few times before I figured out it was them. That’s the reason her arm doesn’t go above her head anymore. They pulled it out of its socket completely.]

Toriel looked shocked. She protested, “But, they are supposed to protect and serve!”

Grillby shook his head. “..... There is nothing in their oaths about that. They….. are supposed to enforce the laws and….. protect the ruling class. They are notorious for….. bending the truth and attacking minorities like us….. humans of color….. and disabled people of every sort.”

Toriel’s face grew a layer of determination that had Frisk worrying about her health. Monsters weren’t really built to handle it… but, then again, Toriel was a Boss Monster. Maybe the rules were different for them. She said firmly, “Fine then, no police. But when we do go after them, none of us are going alone. And neither of the boys must be involved.”

Gerson agreed, “That’d be a bad idea. Who knows what they would do if they got their hands on them? And Frisk already said that they attack us if we go on our own.”

Frisk nodded. [It took me 19 LOADs to realise it wouldn’t work. I don’t want to do any more.]

Asgore, Toriel, and Grillby all shuddered as they thought about how much pain that must have caused Frisk. The others nodded in agreement. Flowey said, “I doubt we’ll get away with this without a few more, Frisk. But there’s definitely a few tricks that can make you have to do less. For one thing, you need to avoid a fight screen. They’re both crazy powerful and they cheat, just like Sans. They also aren’t above using attack magic outside of a fight screen, so be ready for that. Finally, don’t go after them together. They’re way more powerful as a team.]

Undyne narrowed her one eye. “You seem to know an awful lot about them for someone I’ve never met before, flower.”

Flowey shrugged. “I had the power to LOAD and RESET long before Frisk did. I’ve done everything under the sun in the name of boredom. Frisk is a goody two shoes by comparison. They hardly killed anyone their first time, and they didn’t kill anyone at all in this timeline. Not even Jerry.”

Undyne frowned. “Don’t think you’ll get away with saying that because of this, but you’re right. It’s always better to divide your enemies’ forces. It’s just good tactics.”

Toriel nodded. “Then it is decided. No police, no going alone, and divide them up to make them weaker. Now, how will we accomplish this? Should we split into two teams and go after them at the same time, or should we concentrate our forces on one or the other?”

Gerson coughed and motioned to Flowey. “If the plant’s right about their power then I’d say we go after one at a time. That way there are more people to back each other up in a fight.”

Frisk signed, [Roman spends most of his time at the house, so we should go after him there. The only problem is the servants. They’ll probably side with Roman. After all, he’s the one who’s paying them.”

A devious smile crossed Undyne’s face. “Not if someone else doesn’t pay them more. I bet they only put up with those parent creatures because of the money. We could send them an offer to work for better wages somewhere else.”

Asgore frowned. “But who could we convince to pay them like that? Normally it takes quite a while for a servant to be hired. There are interviews and paperwork galore!”

Undyne’s smile only grew. “The university, of course. They’re putting together a training college for home aids. I’m sure they’d love to get all of their positions filled by people who have actually worked in the industry. And if you suggest it, I’m doubly sure they’ll be on board.”

Toriel nodded while Asgore sat there, stunned. “That is a most agreeable plan. We’ll make the appropriate calls as soon as we decide what to do about Coursiva.”

Grillby spoke up. “Perhaps we can….. go and retrieve her from her….. workplace. What is it she does again?”

Flowey answered, “She works for one of those think tank places. It’s one of the ones that goes after disabled people, especially autistic people. She hates them so much it’s ridiculous. That think tank is behind the stupid fad for not vaccinating your children. There’s a reason those things exist!”

Everyone in the room nodded. That whole idea tree was stupid as heck.

“Then, the plan is this: We go after Roman in his home while his wife is at work, then we track down Coursiva at her workplace and bring both to the Embassy for… further investigation. If we can prove that they have done what we think they have done then we can banish them to the Underground, can we not? That seems like a fitting punishment to me,” Toriel said decisively.

Gerson nodded. “We can put them in room 3b. That’s the most secure room in the Embassy. I’d challenge anyone to break out of that.”

Asgore, Undyne, and Frisk all nodded. They knew the room in question. Toriel, who was less familiar with the Embassy, asked, “We should test that, should we not? I do not want either of them to escape. Who knows what they would do once they are aware that their cover is blown?”

#undertale #our skeleton fanfic #sansgoriel #sansgore #soriel #torigore #alphyne #sans #papyrus #alphys #undyne #frisk #gerson #grillby #dadby #toriel #asgore #flowey #yastaghr #real world issues #real world problems

[darkenedrosepetals]

Worth

Chapter Two

Ezekiel was accustomed to the turbulence that came with the first day of summer camp. It was why he insisted on the meticulous preparation to keep things running as smooth and painless as possible. It was not to say problems were completely avoided, as there was always a problem that needed his immediate attention.

 Such was the case now at the front desk with an overly concerned parent who was re-enrolling her son. Unfortunately, last year the dear boy by whose name was Theo, had an allergic reaction at lunch. The mother declared it was the result of poor practices in the kitchen and demanded that whomever was in charge be fired and replaced.

Ezekiel was certain poor practice was not the cause. He was certain that his kitchen staff followed the rules and made sure not to cross contaminate any of the foods and to properly inform the children of the food choices. Although, he knew it was not uncommon that things happened such as the kids sharing their food from their own home prepared lunches.

So, to say, he handled the situation as careful as possible. He kept his composure, but he was inwardly glad that interaction was over. He couldn’t afford to be rattled. Not this early in the day.

Ezekiel plastered on a smile as the next parent stepped forward with their child. A woman with short curls, bright blue eyes, who was dressed in a modest sundress that stopped a bit under her knees.  The young girl was a splitting image of her mother with the exception of her strawberry blonde hair.

“Good morning,” he greeted warmly. “How may we help you?”

The woman returned his smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’d like to sign my daughter up for summer camp.”

Ezekiel nodded, handing her the necessary paperwork, clipboard and a pen. “Yes Ma’am. Please complete this application. If you have any issues or questions, I will be happy to assist you.”

“Thank you,” The woman accepted the clipboard, their fingers brushing briefly. She beckoned for her daughter to follow her to the area designated for filling out paperwork.

Ezekiel cleared his throat and reached for his thermos, his mouth suddenly dry. The water was enough to snap him back to his senses for the time being to continue assisting Debbie at the front desk. He snuck a glance at the woman and her daughter. Her brow was pinched as she concentrated on filling in the many lines of information. He knew the packet was lengthy, but he was a thorough person and disliked surprises.

More children appeared, some with their parents and others were alone. Many had their ID cards ready as they were already accustomed to the check in process. He greeted each of them, some by name and the other just as warmly even though he didn’t know their names yet.

By the time the small crowd of parents and children was cleared, the woman returned with the paperwork and clipboard. Debbie thanked her and scanned for the lines for any need corrections or missing information. After a few beats, she nodded and smiled. “Thank you, Mrs. Peletier. Am I saying that correctly?”

“Yes Ma’am,” she stammered.

Debbie smiled gently, sensing the woman’s nervousness. She began to explain the remainder of the application, which was mostly details pertaining to the basic rules of the center and proper protocols should issues arise. She then accepted the due payment, making the correct change and producing a receipt. She then made copies of the paper work and created a temporary ID tag. After all of that was done Debbie turned her attention to the young girl. “This is for you to keep with you at all times until you get your official one. It contains your name and ID number.”

The girl accepted the sticker and promptly put it on her shirt. “Thank you, Ma’am.”

Ezekiel couldn’t stop from grinning. The young girl was meek in nature but showing to be respectful. He leaned forward and read her name tag. “Sophia. Is that correct?”

Sophia nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

Ezekiel stretched out his hand. “Welcome to Summer camp.”

----

Carol felt like it was the first day of school all over again for Sophia. She was sure she was over reacting, but she couldn’t shake the feeling. She supposed that this is how it would be when it was time for Sophia to go off for college. She shivered. She didn’t want to think about that just yet.

The entire process was a lot simpler than she anticipated but she was still on edge the entire time. The fact that she was going behind Ed’s back in signing Sophia up summer camp was both exciting and nerve racking. She was quick to decline the option for Sophia to be picked up in the mornings. She would just take Sophia to the center after Ed went to work for the day. Fortunately, Ed went to work two hours before the center opened and returned in the evenings way after the recreation center’s closing hours.

Sophia said her goodbyes, hugging Carol tight around her waist before following the waiting camp counselor. Despite the unease in her gut, she felt pride in knowing that she was finally able to do something for her daughter.

“She’s in good hands Mrs.Peletier,” The man said as if he was listening to her thoughts.

Carol nodded and readjusted her purse strap. She hadn’t paid any real attention to the man behind the desk, instead giving it mostly to the younger woman. It was a habit she was trying to break, but was still struggling to do. It was a habit that helped avoid confrontation with Ed. He didn’t like if she showed too much “attention” to other men.

The little streak of rebellion inside her was quick to remind her that Ed was not here at this very moment. So, she allowed her eyes to study the man behind the counter. Her eyes roamed to his tag that read ‘Ezekiel’. It was foreign on her tongue, and she decided that it was perfect for the man that sported long salt and peppered dreadlocks and had a rich, smooth voice. One that commanded your attention. While filling out the paperwork, she’d listened to the brief interactions of Ezekiel with the other parents and children. He appeared genuinely pleased to see each person and his voice reflected as much.

So, to say, Ezekiel’s assurance of her daughter’s wellbeing set her at ease.

“Thank you,” Carol said quietly. She made eye contact this time, realizing with a start that Ezekiel had rich, expressive eyes. They were warm, like his voice and had the power to pin her where she stood. On top of that, his easy smile was contiguous. Quickly she averted her eyes and made way to exit the lobby. On her way out, she noticed the boy from the grocery store named Henry. He had a small back pack this time.

Carol wondered suddenly if Sophia would befriend Henry. It wasn’t that Sophia was anti-social but she was quiet by nature and shy, so she didn’t have too many friends. She was hopeful, as she didn’t want her daughter to grow up without having some type of social life. One that involved much laughter and plenty of memories to last a life time.

----

Ezekiel leaned against the door frame of the cafeteria, watching the room slowly fill with children. Some of bursting with energy, greeting their friends while other trudged along clearly still sleepy. His eyes fell to the one of the newest members, Sophia Peletier. She had seated herself at one of the round tables and was curiously looking around at the other children. He noticed the way she tugged nervously at her fingers and chewed at her lip.

So far, no one came to sit with her as they passed by. Which was to be expected as she was new and many of the children weren’t. Some of the children were obvious with their judgmental stares, while other were just as nervous and averted their gazes.

By the time everyone was in the cafeteria. Ezekiel joined Jerry who was waiting at the podium. The tall man offered a thumbs up, signaling that they were ready to roll.

Ezekiel grabbed the microphone causing a hush to fall open the room. He cleared his throat and began his speech. It was the usual, a full greeting to the children, a run down of the rules and the necessary protocols. The talk lasted no more than twenty minutes, opening the floor for Jerry to say his share and even initiate the brief ‘get to know a new buddy’ session. It was a activity they developed to help break the ice between the old and new members.

“Alright, Alright everybody let’s make this quick,” Jerry grinned, waved his hand. “For those of you who are currently sitting alone at a table, please join the nearest table to you. C’mon don’t be shy. No one’s gonna bite.”

Ezekiel watched as each person that was sitting alone did as they were told. His eyes automatically located Sophia among the crowd. She was hesitant at first but joined a table that seated two other boys he knew, as they were regulars to recreation center for going on three years now.

“Now, please introduce yourselves and talk about something you like to do.” Jerry instructed the room. Then, after a hearing a couple of groans, he added. “Even if you know each other already, just welcome one another back and catch up.”

Chatter began amongst the tables, and even some laughter erupted in some areas. Again, Ezekiel attention drifted back to Sophia’s table and was pleased to see her accepting a hand shake from one of her table mates. She was sitting taller now, seeming a little more confident than before. It was a good sign.

The job of being a camp director required that Ezekiel not only be observant but mindful to the behavior of the children taken under his care. It was heart breaking, to know not all of the children lived happy, healthy lives. He wasn’t there to judge, but rather show as much kindness and affection to them as he possibly could.

There was something about Sophia Peletier that made Ezekiel want to keep a special eye on her.

‘”She’s in good hands Mrs.Peletier”

Ezekiel mentally shook himself. It was both corny and a little creepy now that he thought of his earlier statement. It wasn’t the first time a parent was unsure of their choice, but this time he could feel something was different. He felt the need to assure Carol Peletier that she wasn’t making a mistake. Perhaps it was because he could see the inner conflict that was taking place behind those solemn eyes. Or the way she studied him so deeply before nearly running out of the lobby.

Ezekiel huffed and shelved the thought for later.

#king ezekiel #carzekiel #twd carol x Ezekiel

[anothersuperstition]

an unnecessary amount of q’s and a’s

angel: is there anyone you’d do anything for?

- my friends and family and also gerard way

galaxy: answered

melody: answered

silk: answered

rose: answered

sun: favorite season?

- autumn

film: favorite movie/tv show?

- dead poets society and pushing daisies

gorgeous: what do you like in a person?

- i like it when someone is a Nice Good person and also is creative and passionate and also we have to have at least some things in common. not necessarily everything but it makes it so much easier to get along w someone when we have common ground to begin with

diamond: favorite color?

- mint

infatuation: first crush?

- celebrity was gerard way, and lindsey way, and also dr. carter on ER, and real life was this kid named cade in pre school; we were gonna get married and i was going to be an artist and he was going to open a tire shop

dream: how long do you sleep on average?

- like, six hours?

brilliant: what celebrity do people say you look like?

- i’ve never rlly been told i look like a celebrity but my old roommate found my doppleganger 

perfume: favorite scent?

- vanilla bean and rain

fleece: have any pets?

- three cats, bella, lucy, and jupiter

pigment: what color is your hair naturally? if you could dye it any color which one would you choose?

- blonde/strawberry blonde, and pink bc i need to redye it soon

charcoal: do you have a good relationship with your parents?

- for the most part. i def get along way better w my dad though, but i love them both

ocean: do you take a yearly vacation?

- when i was younger my parents took me on spring break trips, but the last Big trip we took was before i graduated high school. since then not rlly

murky: answered

devotion: are you taken?

- lmao no i wish

lingerie: what do you wear to bed?

- shorts and a tshirt bay bee

daydream: answered

joy: best feeling you’ve ever experienced?

- when u feel the bass in your chest at a concert, no matter who i’m there to see

masque: what’s your skincare routine?

- i wash my face when i wake up, and at night i rinse it w water, and i sometimes moisturize and do face masks??

valentine: best gift you’ve ever received?

- the two tattoos nessa’s bought me for birthdays, and also she got me this one shirt for christmas one year w john francis daley’s face on it from freaks & geeks and i’d been asking for it for months and i though i wasn’t going to get it but it was hidden in a diff shirt she got me and i was So Happy and also the camera my parents got me for christmas when i was 14

parchment: favorite book?

- since uhv doesn’t count lmao i’m gonna say prob either harry potter and the order of the phoenix (don’t laugh), the shining, or eleanor and park

garden: do you have a garden? plants?

- lmao no i can barely keep myself alive

oasis: dream destination?

- i wanna go to ireland??

sense: best subject? favorite subject?

- i Killed it at high school psych and english, i’m rlly good at english. those were also my fav classes, and then in college my fav course was art history, and i liked criminal justice a lot too

footprints: answered

rainbow: what’s your sexuality?

- bi !

sweater: do you prefer loose or baggy clothes?

- tight jeans, loose tops. can’t stand jeans that don’t Fit but if a top fits me too tightly i want to Die

nail laquer: punk or pastel?

- both?? pink can totally be punk

1975: answered

tattoos: do you have/want tattoos and piercings?

- used to have my lip pierced, have eight tattoos, and i want more literally every single second i’m alive lmao

#anyways Whomever told me to do all of these i h8 u #not rlly but my fingers hurt lmao #mine

[markleebee]

okay but like I haven’t sent the situation ask where i want ur opinion on HAHAHA this is it

Okay so basically I’m in gr 11 and like the person i am i like to be advanced and have an outline of a plan so plan a and backups etc

Im thinking about college and stuff courses and future stuff

And i live in a city but its one of the cities that border almost province if you catch that drift and like theres this thing called a university belt here in our country where most universities are like the big and expensive and good ones

To put it into perspective its kind of like harvard, yale, princeton etc all in a similar place obviously distanced but close enough for it to be called something like a university belt

There are some colleges and universities where i live that’s where my mom wants me but i dont want that

so the thing i wanted ur opinion on was

In asia generally its comepletely normal and sometimes more typical to still live with your parents while your in college and after college right im sure u know that

Like instead of dorms

And the thing is the university belt is somewhat far from where i live maybe like an hour or three away not rlly sure

My dream schools/best schools are in the university belt and i wanna go there obviously and its hard to commute to school and stuff(cant drive becos no car)

So im trying to make a deal with my mom where if i get a scholarship in any of the schools/colleges/ universities in the university belt she’ll let me dorm

like since im on a scholarship instead of tuition she’ll pay for the dorm and living expenses(while i will go look for a part time job ofc)

what do you think about it? And like do you think it’s fair?

my mom said she’ll think about it and she says she doesn’t want me to suffer(i cannot think of another word) by commuting to a diff area

She also always says thats its not the school its the student

ofc i know that but i dont want to go to school close where i grew up :// my basis is like this is where i grew up, where i built my whole personality, its time for a change of scenery and explore for life experience

I cant imagine ever not leaving my hometown ngl

Okay so thats long HAHHAAH but yeah

-art s

Yeah I think that's fair. And I also think that you definitely need to get away from your hometown in order to grow (for example, my school is ~6 hours from where I grew up and I've definitely matured a lot these past few months). I have a friend that has literally lived her entire life in the same neighborhood and for college she's going to one right near where we grew up and no offense but I really think she needs to get out of her bubble (to be fair, her mom is super overprotective though). But in conclusion if you can go to school and it's financially possible, I would do it. Idk if I answered everything, but feel free so send another ask

#ask #art student anon

[softtdyo]

Heya! Could I get a BTS request where the reader is Namjoons younger sister and is secretly dating Jimin. And one day Namjoons walks in on them acting coupley, and gets a bit pissy because he's worried about the 5 year age gap between the reader and Jimin and how that might affect the relationship. Sorry if it's a bit sketchy I'm not good at descriptions. Thanks love ❤️❤️xx

Sure! I’ll try my best; Also: we agreed to change the age gap to 3 years bc ye not comfortable with the age diff, so hope u like it and sorry it took so long!

The two of you laughed loudly. It didn’t matter; no one else was at the dorm for now. You were watching a comedy movie you both enjoyed on the couch. Yeah, not the most romantic date, but you never got to see Jimin, and when you did, you were pretending that this wasn’t happening. You two wanted to keep your relationship a secret, knowing Joon would flip if he found out his “baby sister” (you hated that he called you that) was dating one of his members. Or if ARMYs found out he had a secret girlfriend. You pushed those thoughts aside to enjoy the moment. You warmly smiled at Jimin in adoration as he rubbed circles on your hand with his thumb and snuggled closer against his chest.

“Monnie said he’s coming soon, right?” he asked you.

“Yeah, but he told me it won’t be for at least another hour and a half or so. He said something about getting something to eat. We have time,” you responded.

Jimin grinned,“Well I still owe you.”

“Owe me what?” you turned and looked up at him, sitting up.

“A real date. Not that this is bad, but I mean, wouldn’t you rather do something more...fun? Nicer?”

“Well, I mean…I guess, but we can’t. Between your fans and the other members–Joon especially–”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. But still…,” he interrupted.

“For now, this is good enough for me. Sure, I wish we had more time together, but right now I’m just happy we get to spend any time together.”

“You’re really something,” he beamed down at you and kissed your forehead. “Cheesy, that’s it.”

“I am not. You know I mean it,” you retorted.

“I know. That’s the worst part. But it’s cute,” he smirked.

“Stop!” you laughed and punched his chest lightly. In return he tickled your stomach.

“Knock it off!”

“But your laugh’s so cute,” he gushed. You shook your head as he pulled you into his arms. Your phone had buzzed a bit ago, but you’d ignored it. You could check it later. He tilted your chin upwards and kissed you. You smiled and wrapped your arms around his neck, and he laced one hand in your hair, the other rested on your waist. Neither of you heard Namjoon come in, absorbed in the moment.

“What. the. hell.”

You pulled apart and swiveled around to see Namjoon’s mouth gaping as he held a bag of food.

“What the hell?!” he marched over as you and Jimin jumped apart from each other. “What are you doing with my sister?! Park Jimin, you’d better–”

“Joon, calm down. Don’t be mad at him. He didn’t do anything. It’s-we were going to tell you, but we just–”

“Don’t talk for him. He can speak for himself,” Namjoon cut in, glaring. “She’s nineteen! You’re twenty-three!”

“That doesn’t matter! Okay? And I’m twenty!” you shouted.

“Barely,” he retorted.

“Namjoon, I’m, I’m sorry. It’s–I–well…it just sort of happened. And–” Jimin stuttered.

Namjoon glared,“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Jimin asked hesitantly.

“Don’t talk to her. Don’t even look at her. And don’t start making excuses.”

“But–”

“But nothing! You didn’t tell me you were dating my younger sister! My younger sister! How is that okay?” Jimin looked at his feet.

“Namjoon, that’s not fair,” Jimin said, looking back up. “She can make her own choices. And you know I–”

“Not fair? Not fair,” Namjoon shook his head at Jimin. “Come on,” Namjoon turned towards you.

“Come on what?”

“I’m taking you home. Now.”

“But I–” you argued.

“But nothing. This is not up for discussion!” he gripped your arm and yanked you towards the door.

“Namjoon, I’m not going with you,” you pulled your arm from his grasp and stood beside Jimin.

“Y/n, I think it’s best if you go with him for now,” Jimin suggested, turning towards you.

“What? Why? I don’t–” you couldn’t believe Jimin was agreeing with Namjoon about this.

“Well...he’s right. I’d be upset if I were him. I know it’s not your favorite option–it isn’t mine either, but try to understand,” he said softly.

“But I don’t care if Namjoon likes it, I’m not letting him put a wedge between us because he’s uncomfortable or whatever. He’s just being an annoying older brother,” you whispered.

“Y/n,” Jimin sighed, “It’s not like we’re breaking up, alright? It’s only fair to Namjoon. You should care how he feels about it. I do. He’s your brother, and my friend and we live together, so I don’t want things to be tense. It doesn’t mean you aren’t my girlfriend anymore, it just gives him a chance to cool down and let things settle. Okay? Let him wrap his mind around it. I’ll see you soon anyway, and I’ll call you as soon as I can. Please?” He made a cutesy pouting face.

You folded your arms and groaned,“Fine.”

“Alright,” Jimin smiled and squeezed your hand before you made your way towards Namjoon, scowling at him before walking out the door. 

A few days passed and Namjoon continued to give you the cold shoulder. Jimin had been busy the last few days, so you hadn’t been able to talk in person since, only call or text. You decided to call him now.

“Hey, Minnie.”

“Hi,” he smiled softly. “You doing okay?”

“Yeah, I’m alright. Joonie’s will barely talk to me. How’s it been for you?”

“I’m alright; just busy. But in regards to Namjoon, well, um…he’s…not too happy with me. He’s been way more formal and stuff than usual. He seems pretty mad. I don’t know…if this was a good idea.”

“What?”

“I don’t know. Maybe we shouldn’t…No, I really don’t know, y/n.”

“He was going to find out sometime.”

“But this wasn’t the way. There’s a reason he was upset anyway. The age difference makes him uncomfortable, you’re my his younger sister, and we didn’t even get into the way the fans’ could react.”

You watched his lips curl into a frown. “Minnie, relax. I know there’s a lot going through your mind right now, I know, but don’t overthink it. You love me, right?”

“Of course I do. You know that,” he said shyly.

“And you already know that I love you. So there’s nothing you to worry about. Joon’ll get over it. He’s just…you know how he can be.”

He sighed, “Y/n, I think that, at least until we make amends with Monnie–Namjoon, that we…maybe shouldn’t see each other. In person, I mean. So that it doesn’t look like we’re sneaking or something. Monnie’s already upset enough, so I think that…maybe that’s what’s best for now.”

“But that’s ridiculous!”

“Y/n, you know it isn’t. At least until we talk to him. It’s not forever. It’s just until we sort things out. It’s only fair to him.”

You exhaled, “Alright.”

“I should’ve asked him first. Well, not asked...I don’t need his permission, but you know, just said something. It wasn’t fair to him, you have to admit that.”

“I guess so...”

“And the fact that we hid it from him for a while looks pretty bad,” he raised his eyebrow and smiled, knowing you couldn’t dispute what he said. 

“I guess...” you frowned.

“Hey, don’t look so sad. Now that he knows, we don’t have to keep up all the silly sneaking around or act weird when we’re all together. And we can see each other more often.”

“What if he doesn’t come around?”

Jimin inhaled thoughtfully, “I think he will. I think he’s just worried, you know? It’s an older brother’s job to look after his younger siblings. But we’ve been friends a long time, so don’t worry about it too much.”

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” a small smile crept on your face. 

“I’m gonna talk to him soon. You should call him and talk with him, too. We weren’t honest with him.”

“Alright, well make sure you’re eating well. Don’t overwork yourself, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll call you again soon,” he smiled, blew you a kiss, and made the heart symbol with his fingers.

“You’re so gross, stop doing so much aegyo,” you stuck your tongue out. It was killing you that you couldn’t experience his cuteness in person.

“Yah, you told me you liked when I did aegyo,” he whined.

“I do, but I can’t deal with that right now,” you stuck out your lower lip.

“You’re doing it now though,” he giggled.

Now you were sitting at the dorm, alone with Namjoon. You’d asked him if you could come and talk, and he’d agreed. All the members had made earlier plans; Jungkook and Tae had stopped in for a moment, but that was it. 

Namjoon sat across from you, face rested in his hands. You had been going back and forth, and both of you were frustrated to be getting nowhere. 

“Joon, look. We were going to tell you. Jimin wanted to as soon as we started dating. But I said no ‘cuz I knew you’d freak out.”

Namjoon sighed,“Yeah, well, you expect me to just be happy about it or something? You’re my younger sister, and Jimin…he’s one of my closest younger friends, and you both lied to me.”

“We didn’t lie. We just–”

“Kept secrets? Deceived me?” He furrowed his brow.

“…I know. And I’m sorry.”

“Jimin is three years older than you. That doesn’t sound like a lot, but at this age, it is. Look at where you are in life. You’re still in the early years of college, he’s old enough to have graduated. You hardly even see him. He’s always working. Always trying to be better. How can he take care of you if he’s struggling to take care of himself at times? I mean, he’s doing okay, but he’s always so busy. All of us are.”

“I know…but I don’t need him to take care of me. I’m not a baby anymore. I’m an adult too, and I know what I’m doing and I can take care of myself. I know he’s always working and that it’s a lot of sacrifice. And I know that the age gap worries you. But it’s really not that significant, and in time it can even be good for both he and myself. Three years isn’t much, and down the line it’ll matter even less. I know it’s…weird for you that we’re dating, but I really love Jimin.”

“I know. You always liked Jimin.”

“And he loves me.”

“I know,” Namjoon rubbed his face.

“Then you also know that when Jimin loves something, he devotes everything to it. You know he’d never hurt anyone. Jimin’s an incredibly sweet person.”

He sighed again, “I know. I think you forget that we’ve lived together seven years.” He cracked a small smile.

“Well then you already know…” You trailed off.

“Yeah. I just…you should’ve told me about something like that. It’s pretty crazy. I mean, I’m not really surprised. I actually sort of suspected it might happen. But to walk in on you guys just making out was–”

“First, we were NOT making out. And I know, I should’ve told you. But I know you. And I know Jimin. I knew you’d be pissed at him and I didn’t want you to be at odds. As friends or as…band mates? Whatever it’s called; I didn’t want you to be angry.”

He ran his fingers through his hair and leaned back. “I wasn’t really...angry that you’re together. But I couldn’t help but feel a little betrayed,” he sighed. “I can’t stop you from doing anything…but honestly, I’d rather you be with Jimin than most other guys. It’s weird as hell, but Jimin’s…I know he has a good heart.”

“So are we okay?” you tilted your head.

“Yeah, I talked to Jimin before you. He lives with me and ARMYs are really perceptive; I’m pretty sure they would’ve picked up on my hostility. He was around and feeling guilty and I felt...bad, so I thought we should just talk then. I told him if he hurts you I’ll kill him. But otherwise, we’re fine,” he grinned. “And you better not be cruel to him either. Jimin-”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. I’m his girlfriend.”

“Don’t–don’t say that,” he lifted his hands up to stop you. “It’s weird. Anyway, Jimin’s gonna be here soon. And I’m leaving. I never want to walk in on that again.”

Just then Jimin came in, greeting you both before smiling and sitting beside you.

“So...how are we telling the others?” you asked Jimin.

“I’m pretty sure everyone knew but Namjoon,” he shrugged and smiled, kissing your hand.

“For real?” Namjoon put his hands up. “I’m out.”

#bts scenarios #bts #jimin #jimin scenario #jimin scenarios #request #bts scenario #bts imagine #bts imagines #jimin imagine #jimin imagines #tbh i think i was more uncomfortable writing this than any other ive written so far #maybe bc he does have a younger sister? Or writing an angry Namjoon? Or bc i lowkey'd be like same Namjoon same #idek

[askullandbones]

Hi, thx so much... ugh, where do I start? I hope this doesnt seem too open or anything. Basically, Ive been having some problems with my best friend. Were both in 2nd-year uni and we go to school in diff cities. Weve been close since we started high school. And I love her, and shes usually my goto person to talk to or shoulder to cry on. But the thing is, shes much more social and Im not. She was my only friend in high school and while shes still closest with me she had others. (1/?)

Now in uni she still has tons of friends and I haven't really been able to make any. We havent rlly drifted apart but our convos are mostly limited to FB texts. Shes now rooming with another friend & I just have this crippling fear of being replaced. Bc it would be so much easier for her. And sometimes she does things that are sort of weird. I feel like im always shifting plans to suit her needs. She doesnt respond to half of what I text her. (2/3) (3 is the limit I promise, so sorry!)

Ive also begun a big Undertale fic and Im super excited about it, but even tho I've started posting it she doesnt seem to want to read it, she said she might someitme "if she has time" & "if shes bored." Which hurts. I tried to talk to her abt all this stuff last year, but she seems to have... forgotten. & I feel so bad & dont know how to deal with it, much as i ❤ her i dont always like the way she treats me. Its so hard to tell the line b/w actual worry and bein whiny. (3/4 sorry!!!!)

I know she has her own stuff going on and I try to be there for her but its so hard. Parts of me have stopped caring about her stuff as much as I should which I KNOW is awful of me as a friend, like when she told me the girl she loved didnt love her back, stuff like that, and I just dont know what to do. My loneliness has gone into hyperdrive basically, and its very confusing. Am I just being self pitying? Any advice would mean so so much to me. (4/4 I am SO SORRY for spamming you with this)

Wow this got long. Gonna put it under a cut.

Hey. Hey? First, deep breath. This might seem like the end of the world, but it isn’t. Trust me.

When you reach this point in your life your whole social dynamic is going to shift into what I’ll call ‘adult friends’. When you went to school it was super easy to make friends (or easier than it is now), because you were put in a small group of people your age and you were basically forced to interact. You might still have some of that in college, but it’s much less forced. The things that held you together with your peers isn’t really guaranteed as much to be there anymore.

First thing you need to tell yourself is that friends typically don’t get ‘replaced’ when you’re older. At least, not if you’ve stopped acting like a kid. Most of the time the friends you had in highschool are just gonna... drift apart. It happens all the time and it’s natural.

And while I can’t relate, I know a lot of people just have a large circle of friends they talk to about various things. Each friend has a different appeal. It’s not so much ‘replacing’ as it is ‘adding’.

Now I won’t speak for your friend, but from what you do mention about her not being flexible and not responding to texts, it could be a whole host of things. Maybe her schedule is just super rigid. Maybe she just forgets to respond to your texts, especially if she’s got about five different other people she’s talking to. Maybe she has nothing to say. Unfortunately these are things you’re probably going to have to talk to her about if they’re bothering you. Friendships thrive on communication.

As for her not getting into your fic... it might hurt? But try not to let it bother you.

When I was getting into Undertale and back on the writing bus I did the same thing with a friend of mine. While she’s always been supportive, she never really wanted to read it even if I asked what she thought, and after awhile I realized it just wasn’t something I could really engage with her back and forth with. She just didn’t know what to ask, didn’t really want to read a subject she knew very little about.

It hurt a little at first, but then I just realized she didn’t have the same interest in it as I did. I just sorta pushed it to the side when it came to talking to her even though it was such a big thing in my life. Instead of saying “I’m working on this Undertale fic omg you wouldn’t believe what--” I’d change how I worded what I wanted to say to be a little less restrictive. Instead I would say “I’m working on some writing and these characters are being--”

See the difference? The second is much more inclusive to someone who has no idea what the fuck Undertale is. They can still engage. I can’t force her to enjoy something I do just like she can’t force me to enjoy something she does.

And no, you are not being self-pitying. You’re worried about a friendship you cherish. You’re worried about how your friend treats you. You’re worried that things are coming between the two of you. You care enough about this friend that you don’t want to lose them, but that also means you’re going to have to work on it. You’re gonna have some awkward, intense moments coming up even if they’re scary.

You gotta be brave.

What you need to do is think. Think about your friendship. You mentioned that you think she treats you bad sometimes. Make a list of the things she does that make you feel bad. Can’t come up with an answer as to why she might do these things? Ask her. Bring it up. It’s scary, but if she values your friendship she’ll listen and you two can work things out.

But friendship is a two-way street. There are ways you can improve too. Find interests you share. Try not to feel bad when she doesn’t like the same things anymore, you’re both starting to grow up and get different interests.

Set boundaries and stick to them. You say you’re always shifting your plans and not the other way around. Stop. Put your foot down. Say no, you can’t shift these around. Don’t bend to her whims all the time. Set a hard line. She will work with you and bend her own plans too if your friendship is valued.

Most importantly though, as scary as it is, don’t be afraid that you two might just be drifting apart. A lot of friendships end after highschool and most of them aren’t because of fights. They’re just... from drifting apart. It might seem like you won’t find more friends, but you will.

I’ve been friends with the same girl since I was a teenager. She lives in Canada. I love her so, so much. When I got a divorce and she started college again we kinda just... didn’t talk much. We used to talk every single day but we didn’t anymore and that bothered the fuck out of me. I thought we were drifting apart, and in a way we kinda have.

She has a boyfriend she plays games with a lot, games that I don’t enjoy. I like to roleplay and write and play games that she doesn’t enjoy. She’s busy as fuck and I’m absolutely incompetent at conversations half the time. We don’t have all the same interests anymore and sometimes we go a full week without saying a word to each other, and we both realize things have changed a bit, but it hasn’t changed how we feel about one another. We still love each other a lot.

College is when you’re going to start to realize that, maybe, a lot of your friends you make are gonna be online. Chatrooms. Games. Writing. Roleplaying. They’re gonna scatter the globe. I have friends from Canada to the states to Indonesia and Germany. I visit the friends within an hour of me maybe... once or twice a month. That’s fine with me. It doesn’t bother me much. I talk to one friend I had in highschool maybe... once every... three months? I don’t hate them, I just don’t have much in common with them anymore. It happens.

But I should wrap this up.

Breathe. Take a nice, deep breathe. This isn’t the end of the world even if it’s scary and you wish you didn’t have to deal with it. You’ll survive even if the outcome is the worst thing you can imagine.

Friendships change over time.

Communicate your feelings.

Evaluate your own role in the relationship and if you need to make some changes too.

Set hard boundaries.

If you need more advice, I’m here.

#life advice #relationships #anonymous #skull answers

[erincardenthailandblog]

Goodbye Thailand

Today is my last day in Thailand. I have thought over and over about what I would feel like when this day finally came. Despite all the times I wanted to go home, I made it to the end. It feels surreal to know that the day I felt would never come is finally here. I am proud that I have not only endured this journey, but more importantly, I have found a new, more completed version of myself during my time here.

As Marcel Proust once said, “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new places but in having new eyes.” Every morning for the past year I have woken up to a world that is completely different from the world I came from. The beauty of being surrounded by the foreign is that it slaps you awake. You are shown the secret patterns of the world. Throughout my time in Thailand I was not hopping from one landscape to another on a daily basis as a backpacker might, but instead I have discovered new sights, smells, and sounds that paint a deeper, fuller picture of what it means to live and exist in this part of the world. And in this way, I have acquired new eyes. Despite the fact that I lived in Thailand for one year I always had the urge to “pinch” myself awake. So much of my life here felt like a dream because of the fact that it was so completely different from the life I had before. I know that when I go back home to N.Y.C I will look back at my time in Thailand as some sort of surreal dream.

A constant personal goal throughout my time here has been to have an open mind in order to make the best of my relatively short time in Thailand. I kept my eyes open, actively taking note of all the positive new experiences I had every day no matter how big or small. Doing so has helped me remember how little I really know about the world.

I have learned that it is important to never accept “normalcy.” Yes, the Issan region of Thailand felt “normal” after living here for one year but I didn’t take this comfort as an excuse to stunt my curiosity. Just because I was “settled” did not mean that I had had all the answers. I continued to explore and ask questions.

Traveling abroad, teaching for the first time, and living alone in a rural environment has transformed me in numerous ways. It is easy to recognize the small ways that I have changed while the bigger changes are only now beginning to resonate as I am getting ready to leave. When I first arrived in Thailand it was difficult to adjust to a school system that was completely foreign.  On one hand, as a foreigner there was nothing expected of me but on the other hand, there was a lot expected of me. I was placed in a school with absolutely nothing. I was simply told, “ Here teach these kids English.”  There was no curriculum for me to follow. I wanted to teach my students what they needed to know but I didn’t have any access to that material and so I focused on conversation because that was what I thought they needed to work on. I had no guidance and it was frustrating. I had to stretch myself to try to be culturally accepting of Thai culture while simultaneously teach about my own American culture. It was a hard balance to keep and a messy mindset to wade through especially in the beginning.

Teaching was not easy but I learned how to be patient with myself and with my students. I came to accept feelings of discomfort. On days that I did not feel like a teacher I continued to remind myself that it was because I was simply still learning how to be one. Although some days were hard, I held on to the small moments that made my job here worthwhile. I learned how to trust in the process of time and I slowly but surely became to feel more grounded.  I now know the importance of patience and can now recognize the ways in which trusting the patience I gave myself has changed me.

Standing in front of a crowd of students who didn’t speak my language was intimidating (even if they were three feet tall). Speaking in front of a large group became increasingly easier over time. It was only after summer vacation that I ever entered the classroom feeling like a “teacher.” I remember how nervous I was on the first day of school when I first began teaching. For many months I felt like I was running around the classroom like a headless chicken in the dark. But on the first day after summer vacation I felt like a completely different person walking into the classroom. For the past five months I have walked around the classroom feeling cool, calm, collected, and comfortable. For the last five months the classroom has felt like mine.

I had never taught before coming to Thailand but immediately upon arrival I became “Teacher Erin.” It became my identity. Now, I am technically no longer a teacher. Without that label my identity has shifted. It feels strange to know that when I arrive back in N.Y.C I won’t be called “Teacher Erin.” It feels strange to know that an identity I held on to for one year is now stripped apart just because of the fact that I have finished my time here.

I’m struggling with a sense that I’ve abandoned my students. My students were sad and some even seemed frustrated when I told them I was leaving. Although I feel like I’m abandoning them I’ve taken this opportunity to reflect on the positive experiences I’ve had here and what my experience has brought to my students. My time in Thailand was meant to be finite and meant to aid my students and myself in a short time. Instead of dwelling on why I’m not staying longer I’m trying to focus on the positive things I showed them. For them to see someone who is willing to leave home for 365 days and live in a new culture, have an open mind, and show them kindness can positively impact a developing mind. I believe that I have opened their minds to American culture, new methods of teaching, acceptance, and love.  When I looked into other classrooms I always saw the Thai teachers sitting in front, reading something from their computer while all of the students sat at their desks looking horribly unengaged. I hopefully taught my students that people from other cultures are not scary, that we are fun and we like to be silly. That we like to dance and make weird faces just as much as they do.

I came to Thailand for many reasons, one being, to spend a year focused on myself. I wanted to “become more of myself” or, “find myself” as the cliché goes. Reflecting on this past year I realize that I have surprised myself in numerous ways. Living alone in rural Thailand has given me a different temperament, a new disposition that I didn’t have before. Through this experience I feel as if I have reached a peaceful stillness. I have become more accepting of my past, present, and possible future. I have learned to find enjoyment in simple things and I now enjoy my own company. When I first moved to Thailand, spending what felt like endless hours alone felt uncomfortable and unsettling. I can now find comfort in the silence of my own thoughts. 

I have found a certain inner stillness. This stillness comes not from self- assurance, not from a certainty in my abilities, not in the thoughts I have about my future, but from the knowledge that every day I am, in some way, shape, or form, growing. I am constantly “losing” and “finding” myself. I am in a beautiful state of flux.

When things did not come easily for me during my time here, self-reminders were important. I reminded myself of the greatness of living in Thailand and being in “limbo. “ My mother said to me recently, “for the first time in your entire life you are free.” She was right. When I graduated college I knew I would be moving to Thailand to teach and so this is the first time in my entire life where I don’t know what my next step will be. There is not only thing calling to me. There are many. What a blessing, what a gift, what a privilege to be at a time in my life where I can just float.

And now, it is time to say goodbye. I am searching for how to balance the bitter sweetness in my heart. Living in a new country with new friend has shown me that there are people to love all over the world. How can one body hold so many emotions?

As ready as I am to go home, there is a lot about Thailand that I will miss. I will miss my beautiful traditional Thai cottage. I will miss waking up to the sunlight bleeding through the blue curtains, making my bedroom look as if it were underwater. I will miss the privacy of my porch. I will miss the raw, natural, untouched beauty that is the Issan region of Thailand. I will miss running down dirt roads past herds of cow and buffalo. I will miss the banana and palm trees and the emerald green rice fields. I will miss the night and morning sounds. I will miss falling asleep to the symphonies of frogs and crickets and waking up with the rising sun to the cawing of roosters. I will miss the sound of the monsoon rainstorms. I will miss the sweet smiles of my students and being greeted with, “hello teacher” everywhere I go. I will miss living in a foreign country knowing that every day I am doing something new and different.

As a writer I find it hard to find the words that can accurately capture my experience as a teacher in Thailand. When thinking about possible tattoo ideas to represent my experience this past year I have thought of the phrases “strength,” “resilience,”  “perseverance, “patience” and "positivity." When considering options I asked a Thai friend if there was a Thai phrase that meant "inner strength" and "positivity" and she told that the Thai phrase- เข้มแข็ง-pronounced “kem keng” means “strong mind.” This is the phrase that best defines my experience in Thailand.

This has been the most emotionally challenging and rewarding year of my life. I went from four years of college where I was constantly surrounded by my friends, to living at home in NYC, to having a full time job and living alone in a rural environment in a foreign country. I have learned how to connect on a basic, human level with people from a completely different background from my own. I survived culture shock, homesickness and all of the frustrations of living in a foreign country. When the “honey moon” period had finished, when I was over the initial excitement and wonder of living in a new place, I recognized my feelings of fear, discomfort, and loneliness, and let these feelings wash over me. Throughout my entire time here I have constantly reminded myself of the importance in staying mentally strong and positive.

My experience in Thailand was rewarding because it was challenging. If my time here had been “easy” I don’t think I would feel as fulfilled as I do now. Looking back at my blog posts over the year, I wrote about being patient, knowing that by the end of my journey, Thailand would, in one way, shape, or form, live inside of me. And I would be a fuller person because of that. I was right.

 I know that after this experience, I will look at N.Y.C in a different light. I hope I don’t lose this new, fuller version of myself when I move back home.I hope that when I return I am able to hold on to all the ways that I’ve grown here. And I hope that throughout my life I choose to let the beautiful process of life’s unfolding challenges and unpredictable inconsistencies be the perfect growing materials that form my journey.

There are some places that never fully leave you. This place is one of them.

Goodbye Thailand. You changed me.

[bellaswansong]

trauma bullshit under the cut : ’)

mentions of: sexual harassment, csa, planned rape, Bad Problematic Manga(tm)

lms if u read, but dont read if u cant handle it ok? ok.

uhgggggghhhhhhhh.

so last nite im lyin in bed mindin me own business rite

when Suddenly

the fact i got Accidentally exposed to like, three diff of my triggers in the span of a few hours before i went 2 bed caught up with me (also it happened 2day like wtf is up with the sudden all-over-the-place-ness of gravity falls and potatoes like Fuck Off universe)

and i started like

almost flashbacking?? i’unno, i felt a shitload of weird sensations that werent actually there and laid there wantin 2 die for like a solid hour id say.

i felt. my abusers hands, On Me it was not a good time i will tell you that much oh god. and i thought a whole lot about a Whole Lot a stuff i havent thought of in years and like. he did nothing physically sexual to me but oh boy did he want to and Oh Boy did he plan to,,, he offered to take me to comicon and i Just Know in retrospect that it was a cover for Bad Things He Wanted To Do like

i just, for a solid 3 mins i Imagine(tm)’d Him and Me in a vaguely unclassy Hotel Room somewhere like oh fuck off imagination this didnt happen NO THANKS but like. it couldve. it couldve, and he wanted it to.

and there was this one manga he told me about it was called DearS and he said i looked like this one character from it and brought in his copy to show me one day and like. looking back? i Did Not look like that character i was just happy someone Noticed Me and also he was like. i mean it was a manga about literal fucking sex aliens who felt extreme pain any time they werent being Dominated like???? thats some pretty transparent grooming rite there lookin back...

god fuck. ackkk it all feels so. icky, still. i wanna die.

and then my Shit Brain tee em decided to bring my ex into shit like No Thanks This Is Not What I Ordered,,

like. fuckin. i Did Not Need that image of him in the guy’s jacket he wore all the time No Thanks i Did Not Ask For Another Thing to make me feel Dead As Fuck around him fuck.

his voice just fuckin grates on me i hate hearing it i hate hearing him i hate him. i hate him being around me i want it to End.

hhhahah, the abuse stuff happened while my ex and i were dating lol thats the Big Thing He Doesnt Know About thats literally it. and also the fact that some shit he did was bad in the same way the abuser was. except The Ex is the same age as me so it was Him Bein A Kid and i cant Blame him for it even tho i Highkey Want To. idk. idk how it happened i still feel bad and wrong and dirty about it it was shitty i shouldnt have-- like. idk if it counts as cheating on him. i wanna die. he didnt know about it and he still doesnt i never told him and i never wanna tell him. oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck. i feel shitty about it and i still blame myself and i wanna fucxin die fucc.

oh god i just. there was one time abuser guy came back to my school to say hi and shit and like. i just imagined what if he does it again ackckckhjgf fuck. die die die. oh god. i would Not Breathe for Hours. i wanna punch him

and this whole time (last night) i was feelin Hands On Me no thanks no thanks no thanks. 

theres so much shit im not even ready to talk about, this stuff is stretching it honestly. this is all i can do right now. fuck. i hate him. if anyone at a missouri engineering college knows a dudebro named miles who has a false left front tooth (our left, his right), hit him 4 me thnx. knock his other tooth out.

god god god. and i Already Know this is gonna happen again 2nite. yay. yay for me.

.

#vent

[lostlegendaerie]

Fast Tips for Writing Improvement

a.k.a. ‘college is expensive so here’s approx 4 years of creative writing summed up in bullet points’

ACADEMIC PAPERS:

Never start with your introduction. That should be the second to last thing you write (unless you are crazy good at outlining and know without a doubt what you want to write about) with the last being the conclusion, where you sum up all the points made in the previous paragraphs

Imagine someone asking ‘so, what?’ at the end of every sentence, and try to answer them in the next line.

If you’re really short on time, read the CliffNotes and also at least a few pages of the actual text (for on-page quotations, which are also great at hitting that page minimum when you’re a little shy)

PLOT/BASIC CONSTRUCTION:

get to know the dramatic structure/freytag’s pyramid 

learn pacing. descriptions and long sentences slow a scene down, dialogue/lots of paragraph breaks/short lines speed it up. choose what moments to linger on for drama (or comedy) and keep things moving otherwise.

many plots can be summed down into two types; a character goes on a journey, or a stranger comes to down. knowing which one(s) yours is may help you keep your eye on your goal

know what’s causing your writer’s block. i personally like this article to help ‘diagnose’ my issues, but i’ll also often seek out something new (a movie, a new book, new music) that fits the ‘feeling’ of my work for a kick in the pants.

video game OSTs are made to help you focus; if you like music, i recommend those. hour+ compilations are often on youtube.

inspiration is fickle, and your creative ability may wax and wane. some people can work without it and others can’t - figure out what works for you and try to adjusting your writing schedule accordingly.

TVTropes can be an interesting study of common themes/archetypes in media/etc (some content or commentary may be triggering or offensive; tread with caution) as can many other forms of analysis and review. Knowing things to avoid/why to avoid them is good for honing your taste. Look for reviews (and reviewers) that are objective, and break down why something is good or bad instead of just making jokes/emphasizing the negative.

STYLE/PROSE:

read a VARIETY, not just diff authors but diff styles. short stories, novels, poetry; anthologies or ‘best of year’ collections are great if you want them in print but cast a wide net. once you find a style you like, analyze what makes it appeal to you. 

adverbs are like salt; use sparingly

avoid accidental repetition, like using the same word twice in one paragraph or starting multiple sentences in a row with the ‘subject noun’ pattern (he stood, he walked, he said) or ‘the.’

*that being said, know when to use repetition (and the rule of threes) to emphasize a point or bring focus to a scene/moment

POSTING/EDITING/FORMATTING:

when posting piece by piece, a buffer (several chapters written in advance) is a good idea, as it’s easier to go back and make little corrections/adjustments as your story develops

Get a second (or third) opinion. Whether it’s just talking out your blocked feelings or having someone beta read/edit something, don’t underestimate the rubber ducky debugging method or a second set of eyes to help catch grammar/plot mistakes.

Sleep on it. Use a sleep calculator like Sleepyti.me to estimate how long to sleep (and when to set an alarm) to wake up on time. If you’re super blocked, just go to bed for a few hours and resume. Always edit with fresh eyes.

#writing #saro's writing #advice #young authors #fanfiction #school papers #i don't think i've posted something like this in a while so??? ???? here go

[lordzuuko]

Hey, I was wobdering. What if Lance went through the "teenage rebellion" phase and either got arrested or drunk - like drunk enough to go to the hospital. I was wondering how the family would react?

[The Voltron Family] So Lance was going though his teenage rebellion phase. His grades were slipping because he’d been cutting classes and going to parties. He’d say there was a study group happening in whoever’s house but honestly it was just them drinking.

He knew drinking alcohol was prohibited at home, his Daddy Shiro made sure of that. No smoking, no drinking, no taking of illegal drugs blah blah blah. He was so sick of his family trying to be the “perfect” family. He hated it. There was Hunk who was the eldest, an overachiever. Football scholarship. Top of his class. Pidge was on the same page. Super duper overachiever but still at the same time juggling her soccer gig. 

Lance… Lance was average. Probably even below average. He didn’t excel in anything, he excelled in cutting classes. He pretended everything was fine. He even ditched baseball practice. He’d be surprised if he was even still in the team at this point. He just didn’t feel the need to put effort anymore. No matter what happened, his parents would still be there to provide for him. He knew that even though Shiro and Keith never told him or them. 

Lance was snooping one time in the master bedroom looking for something when he spotted not only one bank books but 8 bank books. Three of those were named after him, Pidge and Hunk. He opened to the latest page and was shocked to see the amount he had in his account. He figured it was for their college years but he was damn sure it wasn’t just for that. All three of them almost had the same amount. Then he saw that his Daddy Keith and Daddy Shiro had individual ones from diff banks and a joint one–which contained the biggest amount. He immediately closed it, feeling nervous. 

They weren’t spoiled kids, they weren’t raised that way. But god dammit can’t his Dads at least raise his allowance if they had this much? His Daddy Shiro didn’t even allow him to go to a concert of the band he loves a few weeks ago! Said it was his 5th concert of the year! Said it was too much! And that was why he was in this whoever’s party at 12 midnight drinking his 5th or 6th bottle. Sulking because he could’ve been there right now singing his heart out.

Friend: Dude. Your phone’s ringing nonstop for 10 minutes now. Lance: *blinks* *checks the phone* Ugh. Friend: *looks over* Dude. It’s your Daddy Keith. Pick that up. He’s scary.Lance: He’s not really that scary. *rolls eyes* *drinks more*Friend: I’ve been to your house. I know how scary your daddy can get. I don’t want to be the receiving end of that fist.Lance: *chuckles* *taps his friend’s face affectionately* He does throw a mean punch. I’ll have you know him and Daddy Shiro spar every night. Friend: *eyes widens* Are you kidding me? *taps him relentlessly* DUDE. ANSWER YOUR PHONE.Lance: *shuts off his phone* There! You happy?Friend: *shakes his head disapprovingly* He’s going to kill you.

Suddenly the house went to chaos after that. Police sirens were heard. Lance got to his feet as quick as he could but not quick enough–damn he need to get back to baseball, he was losing his skills. Next thing he knew, he was behind bars with his drunk friends who had illegal drugs in their possession. 

Police: Lance Shirogane. You’re good to go.Lance: *looks up from where he’s sitting* *nervous* W-Who bailed me out? Police: *smirks* Someone who looks really really pissed.Friend: Dude. I told you. Your Daddy Keith’s going to kill you.Lance: L-let’s hope he’s in a happy mood to see me.

Lance slowly made his way to the lobby and looked for his dad, only to find his Daddy Shiro looking at him with his arms crossed.

Lance: *slowly looks up nervous* H-Hi.Shiro: *glares at his son* Negative?Lance: *gasp* I would never!!Shiro: Answer my question.Lance: *bows down his head* Yeah. Negative.

The walk to the car was silent. He was about to open the passenger’s seat…

Shiro: Your Daddy Keith’s in there. *enters the driver’s door*Lance: *whispers* Oh shit. *gulps* *makes his way at the back* *sees Keith’s back of the head in front* *closes the door*Keith: *about to say something*Lance: *cuts him off* *shuts his eyes* I’m sorry! I’m really REALLY sorry.Keith: *doesnt answer for 10 minutes during the whole ride* Lance.Lance: Yes, sir? *clicks his tongue* *blames his stupidity* Keith: Why are you doing this?Lance: *feels so guilty* *can’t even see his dad’s face so he doesnt know what is keith’s expression* I’m… I’m just… *plays with his fingers*Keith: Are we raising you the wrong way? Lance: No! It’s not that! It’s—Keith: Let me rephrase that. Do you want to have different parents?Shiro: Keith…Keith: No, Shiro. I know this isn’t going to be his last.Lance: I just… I just want more freedom like my friends. They get to go to different places. They have their own cars—Keith: You’re only 16. We can’t give you a car.Lance: But my friends get cars for their sweet 16! Why can’t I have one?Keith: *turns around* You’re not old enough to have your own car. You can’t even be responsible for such little things. What more a car? It will be a waste of money.Lance: Then what the hell is all that money sitting in our bank accounts!!Keith: *eyes widens* Did you—Lance: *gulps* Yes I did. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.Shiro: Lance, if this is about the concert—Lance: Why couldn’t you just let me go?! Shiro: *grips the wheel* Because you’ve seen that band 3 times in a row already. For this year alone.Lance: But they’re—Keith: Lance McClain-Shirogane, stop acting like a brat! This behavior has gone too far. Underage drinking? Really? What else have you been doing aside from cutting classes? Your teacher called me today saying—Lance: Stop acting like my father!Keith: I am your—Lance: YOU ARE NOT MY FATHER!!!Keith: *taken aback* *turns back away from Lance* Stop the car, Shiro. *looks at his husband* Please.

Shiro stopped the car and Keith got out. Lance was clenching his fist. Shiro told Lance to join Keith outside. He felt so guilty so he went out.

Keith: You probably don’t remember it but that building over there was the orphanage where you and Hunk were staying. When we entered those doors we were introduced to Hunk. I fell in love with that little boy instantly and was positive I was going to adopt him. But he kept on talking about his best friend that he loves so much, so you went out to join us and Hunk hugged and kissed you. I looked at your Daddy Shiro and told him we’ll take you both home. *looks at Lance* I wasn’t ready to have 3 kids with your Dad. One was okay, two was enough but three? I may not be the best father out there, but… *sighs sadly* I’m trying okay? There’s no manual for this, I’m learning along the way. I know I’m not your Dad and I will never replace him but god *tears shed* When you said that to me, suddenly I felt like all my efforts were futile. I try so hard more than your Daddy Shiro because god knows what you all three actually hate me *chuckles* and you’re all just putting up a front…Lance: *whispers* I don’t hate you. Plus, I know Hunk loves you the most.Keith: Then why are you doing this? *asks helplessly*Lance: I don’t know. Maybe I’m messed up. *teary eyed* I don’t really know. I just… I hate myself. I want to– *wipes tears* *chuckles* Oh god now I’m crying but do you have the time to listen to—*more tears pour out*Keith: I have the time. *smiles weakly as he wipes his child’s tears* Now stop crying or we’ll be out here for 5 hours. 

Shiro saw Keith and Lance hug outside the car and he smiled to himself. They would be okay, though he still needed to give Lance a three hour lecture when they get home. Lance had the lowest self esteem from the three and it broke his heart. Keith and Lance were alike in that department, and Lance just needed constant reminders just like his husband.

#rayer132 #ask #sheith #the voltron family #whoa this is long i am sorry #idk what i did but i did it anyway #please take it away from me XD #Lance gets all the drama hahah i find that funny #also i keep hurting keith #oh gods i am sorry OTL