#and then i also feel bad bc i blame everything on my adhd | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

donniesexceptionalmind · 6 months

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HI! HAVE ART!

I have no idea how accurate the outfit is (and I suck major ASS at drawing hats) but I tried and I hope u enjoy :333 (I also made the lil clip thing for the cape the logo thing (???) yall have bc its cool >:D) (AND ALSO PLS PLS PLS TAKE THIS AN EXCUSE TO RANT ABOUT EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION OR SMTH BC I HEARD U HAPPEN TO RANT A LOT ABOUT AUTISM AND I AM V INTERESTED IN THAT STUFF!!!)

Me when J saw the art:

I actually infodumped about executive dysfunction before!

But I will share some additional information about it because you drew this amazing piece of art & I am very joyous. ✨️

Here is my personal experience:

Executive dysfunction can be really challenging & for me, it is a huge part of all the things that make autism a disability.

The everyday experience as an autistic person is already loaded with stress, anxiety & discomfort - and on top of that we are getting blessed with not being able to do things even though we need to. There is a barrier in our brain that says "No" & you can't do anything about it. You are perhaps paralyzed, doomscrolling social media or just staring at the wall for hours.

The outside perspective of this is always "You are lazy, you are not trying hard enough, just do it", but it is not as easy as that. If it were that easy, we wouldn't be struggling. Because, you know, we DO KNOW we need to get these things done & sometimes we WANT TO get them done!

In short, executive functioning skills are cognitive skills that help us to regulate & control our thoughts & actions. Planning your actions is actually a higher executive functioning skill just like problem-solving.

Struggling with executive functioning can look like:

Not being able to begin a task that involves multiple steps, e.g., cooking a meal - it's just too much to process, too much to do!

Hyperfocus: getting too absorbed in a task so you forget everything around you, including bodily signals like hunger, thirst, tiredness (although hyperfocus can also be a blessing to get things done and/or experience a large amount of joy, especially when it comes to our special interests)

Struggling to reply to messages in time (e.g. my inability to answer inbox messages even though I genuinely want to)

Struggling with decision making, e.g, which task do I do first, what should I wear? Even crucial things like 'Should I get up?'

What helps me:

ROUTINES. Honestly. As an autistic person I have a lot of terrible days, but there are also days that are not too bad. And the perfectionist that I am, on days that are not too bad I try to do as much as possible- which can lead to having a terrible day straight after. BUT I have established a very well basic system of routines & tasks that IF I stick to them, I will be fine (mostly). (If I were sticking to it. It's a struggle. AHEM.)

And it is OKAY to have rituals & routines.

We seek to replicate success when we experience it because it makes us feel safe, grounded & happy!

And also bring order to the chaos that is the world around us - it is REALLY upsetting to live here, isn't it?

For Leon it's incredibly hard to establish routine because of his ADHD & this is a whole new topic to cover.

And yes, it is fairly common that people of all neurotypes have routines.

The difference though:

My day will get significantly worse if I can't do what I have planned or if I miss a segment of an established ritual.

For example, if I can't have my lunch in the time frame I always have it, it will cause physical & mental pain - sometimes to the point of a meltdown if things add up.

As I mentioned before I am sometimes NOT coherent with sticking to these routines & that is because of internal ableism & my own ignorance.

I struggle to accept that I have a disability & that I am not functioning like neurotypicals. Their standard shall be mine, but I can't live up to that standard. This is a problem I still have to overcome.

I sometimes expect too much of myself & burn myself out, blame myself for not achieving goals etcetera. This is not healthy.

There should be a base level of respect for an autistic person's need for routine & compassion when it does get ripped to shreds.

The world is unpredictable. Unexpected changes will happen if we want it or not.

I hope I was able to provide additional input! /g

#IT LOOKS AMAZING #ME AS VAATI #donnie speaks #donnies exceptional mind #turtle net #the legend of zelda #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #executive dysfunction #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt donatello #autism awareness #autism spectrum disorder #donatello infodumps #autism #autistic thoughts

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adhbabey · 8 months

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here's some autism traits of mine that aren't symptoms, but they're things that are autism and im choosing to unmask n share this with you all.

biting. just i want bite fingers. i crave to put them in my mouth. i want to bite in general. i know its not socially acceptable to bite people, but i want to. i am a creacher and i cannote change that.

when i was like 14 i was really obsessed with random xd humor. I would say "ekop" instead of "poke", because its poke backwards. And I had this one friend I'd constantly do this with. like "rawr" and "cupcakez!1!1!". We were truly scene.

Speaking incredibly eloquently, as one alter put it, "Human language does not account for all the nuances that I wish to share, so I am using the language to its full extent, detailing every complicated sentence that I can muster. I wish to share my full thoughts and experiences, but it unfortunately does not do what I want to convey in justice. So I must settle for the english language for now." Some of our alters can't really speak because of that, and its difficult for them to communicate outside of visuals and vague feelings. It's really either hyperverbal or no verbality for us.

every fucking alter being some brand of autism. Tsuki is ace and hates to put a label on things, the only concrete feeling she has is anger. Rai can barely speak/communicate, they are very observant and quiet, and they feel the most disconnected from others being the host. Kaori is literally the most autistic creature you could ever come across, they are just literally what you think of, they love all the "cringe" culture type stuff and adore being nonbinary. etc etc. Like, how did I not realize when all of us are some brand of autism?

Feeling like an outsider my entire fucking life. Even when I related to others, I always felt separate from the rest of society, and I must sacrifice everything in order to be loved. This has been connected to spiritual beliefs of mine.

Another thing connected to spiritual beliefs of mine, feeling like I truly cannot see the world, as if I have a film over my eyes. The reason for my self entrapment is a "curse" that a "film" over my eyes exists and I never fully can break free from. I realize that the "film" is masking and my truly unique way of seeing the world is my autism, and I've had to move through the world not letting myself "see" truly.

alice in wonderland, coraline, fran bow, all characters I relate to are young and unique girls that move through a world that is crazy and full of madness. Something I find myself deeply relating to.

feeling misunderstood all the fucking time. even if i try to explain my feelings or thoughts, I'm constantly put on a high standard that I have not been able to achieve. I don't know how to change people's minds as I speak with genuine intent besides rather obvious displays of frustration, anger or sarcasm. I was also the person who thought others were always genuine, and rarely questioned one's intention behind what they said. This trait of mine has led me to become gaslit by a few harmful people in my life.

my disorders all linked together, makes for a bad time. this isnt an autism specific trait. i just. if i feel like an outsider (asd), and have trauma with being treated like an outsider (did), and get really upset with other people saying nasty things about me in regards to not being normal (adhd + rsd), im going to have a hard time and constantly blame myself for being an outsider (ocd) and im gonna hate myself (depression). so its just like. hey i found a piece to the puzzle, but i already know most of it. and thats just the egodystonic experience for me.

but hey, lets talk about more lighthearted stuff!! i love kandi!!!!! it jingle jingle and it has super pretty colours!! im afraid to stim but this is the shit for me. this is amazing.

i'd love to use word quirks and kaomojis a lot more!!! but unfortunately thats not the blog for this bc its not plaintext. but in my heart, thats what i want to do and who i want to be.

oh i remember the last one!! I read this somewhere, but apparently since a lot of autistic people struggle to communicate their needs, they'll do things that meet their needs somewhat, even if they don't know why they do it. For example, wearing hoodies and heavy clothes because they're touch starved and want to be hugged! And I really related to that!! I wear hoodies and lots of layers all the time, or like just wearing my day clothes, even if they're uncomfortable. So, I do that, not just because I'm cold, but I need the weight compressing me, and i've always been doing that since I was young. So I felt.

Not really being able to read big books until middle school. I know there's people who havent really talked until they were older, I remember not being able to comprehend big swaths of text until I was a teenager. maybe thats the audhd, but i feel like thats always been my sort of "i think this was my developmental milestones that i hit late". And yes, I was able to read quite a lot for my age, but it always felt like something that I hit late.

share your autism traits that aren't necessarily symptoms, or you can talk about the ones you relate to and I wrote. Sorry if this post is hard to read, I just wanted to talk about it. :0 so ya

#babey posts #autism #actually autistic #i also realize ive been having meltdowns and shutdowns since i was young #but i didnt know thats what i was experiencing #i would just get really tired or hungry and just would fucking sob and scream #i thought that was just sort of normal and everyone felt that way #that i was just really bad at hiding it #ive been experiencing it into adulthood too.....#id shutdown after friend stuff bc i felt too drained to interact anymore

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symptoms-syndrome · 2 years

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Venting a lil, no TWs

Smth I've found to be extremely frustrating lately is that like.

My brother has ADHD. This isn't necessarily the frustrating part. He absolutely, definitely has ADHD, he hasn't been diagnosed yet but it's real bad. The thing is, he makes that ADHD label do a LOT of heavy lifting. I understand that ADHD has a lot of side effects and stuff, I have it myself. But like. Not everything is bc of ADHD, and not everything ADHD causes is just an unfixable part of life. That's the frustrating part. Can't make appointments, ADHD! Can't be more mindful of when I talk, ADHD! Can't listen to you, ADHD!

And I understand it's hard. And like. I don't expect him to be perfect or anything. I also know that the circumstances of my like. Upbringing sort of forced me to adapt in a way that made me overall more functional. I had to get things done or they wouldn't be done. And often those things were important.

But like. Now he's an adult. There are things that are important that he needs to do that he either can't or won't do. And/or won't work on bc he just blames his ADHD. And oftentimes I don't think it's things attributable to his ADHD at all. I think some of them are just his character, or his behavior, or a result of a relatively permissable parenting style combined with an incredibly suburban childhood environment combined with, if I'm being honest, way too much investment in TikTok and pop psychology that attributes everything from liking certain TV shows to regular mood shifts to plain social inadequacy to immutable ADHD.

And it's annoying sometimes. Like when I talk to him and he absolutely does not at all pay attention or listen of acknowledge me until I say his name. Like in some circumstances it's understandable but he does need to learn to like. Have some sort of awareness of the world around him I guess, notice when people are talking to him. Or like when other people are talking/when he shouldn't talk. And I don't want to like. Overparent him. He's an adult and is fully capable of making his own decisions about his own behavior. I'm just not sure how much, IDK, guidance is healthy. I feel he needs at least some.

And like... IDK. I know I have that whole "believes the world to be more dangerous than it is" situation. But also I worry. I worry he's going to get himself into some sort of trouble bc he's incapable of some basic stuff and is socially? Not always the best. But often it's like. IDK I cringe at the way he navigates the world and the confidence with which he does. He acts as if there are no consequences to any of his actions. He can be rude or even mean and doesn't expect anything bad to happen, not even the person disliking him. He enters into relationships both platonic and romantic with ease even when I see a million red flags. On one hand I wish I could live like that. On the other I think it would be terrifying and dangerous.

But the other consequence is that it feels? Sort of invalidating to my own experience with ADHD, in a way. I don't have ADHD like he does. I don't feel the same way about my ADHD as he does. When he describes things as just unchangeable ADHD symptoms that I do not experience at all, or that I am able to overcome, it feels almost like saying his ADHD is somehow more valid or more real than mine is. Because I have been able to overcome some troubling aspects and he has not tried, his ADHD is just inherently more. It almost feels like he's saying that we have two completely different conditions, his incurable and mine not, or like I just Am this way instead of having worked to get this way. Which I know is a theme, me feeling like people don't see the work I put in.

Anyway. This parallels a lot of the ways people talk about DID, I think. I have a lot of experiences with mental illness where it can feel like I'm the only person struggling or working in this way. I'm the only person in the world who doesn't like their DID, or the only person who has ADHD that just isn't as bad (because I made it not as bad.) I do feel some part of it is because of overeagerness on some people's part to claim a label, so these labels are flooded with people for whom the label isn't necessarily true. It's just hard. I don't want to invalidate anyone, but I do. And I can't even claim it's not for selfish motivations, it is. The motivation being that I want to be able to find a place where I belong.

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unknwnxquantity · 3 months

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I need to vent and this feels like my safe space at the moment. Fuck physically writing in a journal my thoughts are too fast for all that.

It’s funny as I type things escape my mind, but when I don’t try to put things into words, I think 30282736 miles per min with 10 different topics racing all at the same time. But I’m tired of negative ass ppl bro. Negative ass nasty attitudes about everything. It’s like i can’t win. I can’t!! It’s so draining. I miss lightheartedness. I miss silliness. Why can’t people find the good in a situation even if it’s shitty?

I ended things with my therapist last week. It feels like a breakup. I mean that’s a little dramatic lol. Love her, she gave me tough love when I needed it (she also shares my sisters bday and my brothers moon sign, that was a nice thing that showed me I was supposed to have her). Had her for a few years but all it was was talk therapy and I’m tired of talking. I started to feel ashamed of myself with all the things I talked about. Talk talk talk. I’m so tireddddd of talking of the same thingssss and bringing them more to life by overly thinking and ruminating, going in circles. I’m so tired of being that person. And i was also inconsistent with her these last couple months with our sessions. Not living in my truth. So I have another therapist that I’m gonna try with but he’s a man so idk. But it’ll be more adhd focused so I guess that’ll be more of what I need.

As the yts call it im “in between a rock and a hard place”. In several different ways. There are easy solutions to my problems. But I don’t take them. Call me a hypocrite, but doing the right thing is not easy. It’s fucking hard. I hate not being comfortable. I feel so isolated. I’m not alone but I feel alone. I feel like a bother and an annoyance to everyone except my kitten. That’s my girly fr. Girl cats are just itttt, I love the dynamics of both boy and girl cats individually. But girl cats are just that girl! I feel they’re more empathetic, caring of your needs/the bond and more loving overall. Boy cats I feel are more standoffish and on their own terms. Get you a girl cat or just a cat in general. Especially black cats they get a bad wrap like pitbulls but end up being the most gentle little things.

I feel I’m becoming like ppl I don’t want to be. Like an old middle aged person full of regrets and envious of those 18-22. I feel like times ticking. I’m 25 I have my whole life ahead of me and yet why do I feel my youth withering away?? I blame social media. That’s y I deactivated my IG fuck everybody I compare myself to. Fuck those ppl who live freely and go to parties while I feel I don’t have that. But also not fuck them and I’m happy for them.

Things are good tho in my life with the places I work. Ppl respect me and love me. It took some time but once I started being myself, with each job me getting more comfortable that much quicker and my anxiety not controlling how I am socially, ppl love me bro. I make ppl laugh!! They ask for my advice! They say they love my good energy! But these jobs aren’t my career path, so it’s gonna be hard saying goodbye which I will be very soon.

I miss my family but also I don’t. If my sister sees this which you won’t, I’m sorry you know what I mean. I live away from them. They give me headaches but they are my soul family (even tho my parents are def more behind spiritually than me and my siblings so the irony is funny). I miss our trips to Marshall’s and starbies. I miss our movie nights and I miss our long walks all together. I miss my mom blaring bad bunny and me pretending like I know the lyrics bc my mom never taught me Spanish 😭 (my moms an og fan dont play with her, from like 2017ish and saw this man several times before he got big). I don’t miss the chaos tho or the dysfunction, or passive aggressiveness with certain individuals that are in my family’s life.

And it’s funny bc today was such a good fucking day. So many synchronicities. I got to see fucking Steve wilkos bro lol and I was taped where you can see me!! Ima be on tv!! It reminds me of my last job where I’d be around famous ppl a lot and interact with them. That was nice. And yet everything’s hitting me like a truck. It feels like I’m not growing. I am but I’m not. I am and have come so far but it’s also like have I? But then it’s like yeah I have.

Anyways my phones dying. I’m listening to blind by sza. I feel that even tho I am not a straight woman dealing with men🤣 no jk bc the songs not really about that. But I do feel blind to all the things inside of me and what my soul tells me. I loveee when women sing/speak about how embarrassing it is to have feelings!! It is embarrassing!! Like yes and no. Also good days is really nice it feels like therapy in a song like blind. I need to listen to more sza. I like her project z tho, I haven’t listened to all of ctrl or sos so I gotta get on that? I need more women artists in my life who speak of mourning and the depths and complexities of their emotions.

Oh well. Should I post this? Why not

#unknwnxquantity

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barelynotsinking · 4 months

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Kinda just need to vent. My home life is kind of shit. My parents blow up and you can never tell when they will but it always feels like it's your fault. I never feel safe with them. Today CPS came for a visit, my ceiling has a hole in it which My parents haven't fixed in the past 2.5 years. We are upper middle class and can afford it they just don't have time. Our house is old and it is likely there is both asbestos and lead in the ceiling and it is now in my room. I've lived there for the past 2.5 years and until last month there has been no effort to move me or fix the hole despite them knowing the dangers. Everytime I ask them about they yell at me and essentially call me ungrateful. They are very busy and work 10+ hour work days but this is important to my health, it is not my fault, and I've asked very respectfully understandingly and politely. In the past 2.5 years I have only made two step forward, all within the last month. I've been moved to a different room and my parents now tell me about the efforts they are making to fix the hole (which they only started in genuine a month ago). Everything in our house is broken and they make no effort to fix it. They blame it on us for being careless and clumsy, but it is a house with 2 teenagers and a tween. All depressed and 2 with diagnosed adhd. They scream at us if we forget somethings as simplenas doing the dishes, they've called us names, they cuss us out, they bring in our hopes dreams and passions, things we told them when things were in a good place and turn them against us to use them as a put down. It's been like this for as long as I can remember but it's gotten worse in recent years as they have gotten more stressed. They don't realize what they are doing and I genuinely don't think they believe anything is wrong. But it's gotten to the point that my little sister has noticed. When they found out about CPS they weren't angry but they were stressed and I think they handled it all wrong. They told us we couldn't tell anyone about it, which sucks because the whole ordeal was incredibly stressful, though we knew we probably wouldn't be taken we still couldn't count on it and we needed the support from our friends (shout out to my bsf who I told anyway they're the only reason this is only a tiny bit less shit). They also told us not to be dramatic while talking to the social worker, like they knew something was wrong but thought it was our fault which fuckings sucks. They also told us that we needed to clean up so they didn't look like neglectful parents. Which is complete bullshit. Bc yeah they look like neglectful parents, they are neglectful parents, this is what neglectful parenting looks like. I had my CPS interview today (I went out to see a movie so I had missed the social worker) the entire way back home I was stressing and deciding whether or not to lie to them. On one hand there was that I love my siblings and CPS fucking sucks and I don't trust the government, but lying feels like giving my parents a pass for all the shit they do, it feels like saying their shitty treatment of me and my siblings is okay, because I'm "choosing it". I don't know what I was going to do, but I think lying would've been the bigger thing to do, not letting my petty rage get in the way or what not. But when I called the social worker she didn't ask me any questions, she just wanted to tick a box, she just needed to see my face. And in some ways I think that's worse, bc she didn't give a shit, she was supposed to and she didn't, and I twisted myself into knots just for her to do the bare minimum. Now I just feel like I'm not worth it and I'm making it all up. That is not that bad and I'm being dramatic. That I don't deserve that help. And honestly I don't know how true that is. But I just feel like shit

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mrsman · 1 year

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Had the most fantastic day I got my diagnosis (ADHD positive hell yea baybee) and I went to a recording of a live talk show with friends and it was inspiring and fun and stimulating and my brain was very happy and when I got home I got makeup delivered I haven’t bought new makeup in years and on top of all that I even had a really deep vulnerable conversation with a longtime friend and really opened up to her and tried to change our dynamic to a more honest and vulnerable one on my end bc I always held back and it was successful! I felt great it’s all very good and fun and even Sunday we had a good time but he’s not there he’s not here he’s not anywhere

I can’t remember what it’s like to talk to him

Part of this having adhd business is I am now aware that I have shitty memory and object permanence is an issue so yea he’s not in front of me I’m not gonna be able to conjure an accurate image anymore and we haven’t spoken in a good friendly context in months and he changed the course of my life but he’s not here so I can’t remember it I can’t remember his jokes or his compliments or our fights I can’t remember things about him when I want to and when I don’t want to I get flashes of sensation and phrases and his eyes and his lips and the intimacy we shared but that’s it and it’s so blurry I can’t remember it sometimes I said I didn’t want to and my brain is protecting me but it isn’t even that when we were together I couldn’t hold onto my memories of him and it killed him when he realized that

Sorry babe I’m fucked in the head my psychiatrist tested me and everything honestly it’s probably best you got out when you did bc I am struggling with my own identity as it is and how I treated our relationship I’m not happy with it I’m not proud of it I blame you for your actions but I blame me for mine too it was sickening to look over and recognize how much pain I caused in carelessness and how I don’t know if I could stop myself in the future from making the same mistakes

And in all honesty I say that just to comfort myself that maybe there are benefits to the decision that is ultimately yours that I have no bearing on I can’t control you and that sucks bc if I could you’d be with me so I say the opposite and hope I’ll believe it and maybe you’ll feel less bad or something like you did the right thing when I feel like it’s the wrong thing but I want to tell you what you want to hear I still just want to please you I miss you so much life was so hard already and then you came and changed everything and I’m so sad now

I don’t know how to act rn bc you are my person and I always try to mold my behavior around what would make you happy and I got that wrong a lot and now you say you don’t want me to want you out loud and in posts so I try I try my best so you’ll be pleased with me but your actions your heart your spirit they say the opposite and I get really confused and I don’t know what to do then how do I make you happy when you don’t know what you want bc if it’s not me I mean I’m comfortable living in a world where I had you and it was great and now I don’t get to have you and the angst kills me more every day and I miss you a whole lot but it’s what you wanted so I’ll remind myself of that and live in that victimhood of being left I’m comfortable there I’ve been left a lot by you by my dad by my mom by pretty much every important person that said they’d take care of me I’ve been left by so that’s not a problem but you linger and you love me a lot right that’s not wrong to believe it’s the truth I can’t then separate the idea that maybe you’ll be back one day then bc my brain won’t let me bc to me what makes sense is you love someone you come back like you came back my mom came back and my dad came back they loved me more each time too so that’s the pattern my brain knows and I can’t help it

but I’m also too afraid to go full send and believe it bc you’ll be disappointed I don’t want to disappoint you I just wanted to make you happy with me maybe that’s pathetic but I am who I am and I love you and I’m not ashamed of that whatever fatal flaw you think you have that would turn me away doesn’t exist I know you better than I know myself and I love you even the bad parts even the childish parts even the hurtful parts I love them I love you I know you and this sucks I am sad I am very sad and so is spoopy she’s also very sad

Did I do the wrong thing did I make a mistake did I ruin the rest of your life did I make you feel bad

I can’t let go I’m really sorry but I can’t let go it’s not in the realm of possibility for me I know this and you know this too you know me you know what I’m like and it’s unfortunate that you think you can control me into not wanting it with betrayal and rejection

That hurt me but it has never stopped me from wanting a reconciliation with my brother who broke my trust in ways you will never be able to but I want to forgive him I’m trying to every day and I’m scared of him but if he changed if he came around if he found Jesus and apologized to me I’d forgive him I’d do everything in my power to be his sister again so you do your thing and if I’m bothering you with my feelings my spirit my heart I’m sorry I wish it wasn’t this way too I wish I could pick up the pieces myself and put them in a box and lock it but I can’t I’m human and I chose you and I’m sorry that I can’t do what you’re asking it’s been about 114 days since we broke up and 79 since I last saw you and not 1 iota of me has been able to move on

The tiny part of me that had feelings for that kid in hs still exists so what makes me think the rest of me that wants you is every going to die off and leave well in both cases I just wanted to let it go for his and your sake I’m being a bother I’m being a creep I’m not letting things go when I’m being asked to and my brain won’t ever let me I know this it’s scientifically proven so what can I do

I dunno and God certainly won’t help me He says you’re it so I really dunno sometimes I buy in sometimes I don’t

Please don’t be disappointed in me I’ll cry really hard if I have to read another sad rejecting post like I promise it won’t do anything but trigger another spiral and my mental health will get worse I’m extremely excruciatingly aware that my feelings are a burden and I don’t need confirmation from you that they are an active burden

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transsexualhamlet · 3 years

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asmr i psychoanalyze hide for fun

a lot of these are just stupid headcanons but a lot are also how i feel that’s just the way he is so

I know no one will read this it’s so very long but hello he’s my comfort character

(the words are under the cut bc THERE ARE SO MANY WORDS)

thoughts: It’s funny because most of the characters that I really love are just fucking idiots. So stupid. No thoughts head empty. And like at first glance you’d think the same with Hide, he’s got the look of a real dumbass, but he’s actually a really smart person? He just kind of, hides it. He did say he was like allergic to books once (it’s the adhd, king) but that doesn’t change the fact that he emotionally is actually a very intelligent person. It’s something he’s humble about because I don’t believe he really identifies with the intellectual crowd or sees himself as particularly above average, he just finds it easy to understand things. And he doesn’t ever use it for his own advantage even when it would be totally fine to do so, he pretty much always uses it to help other people and I think he believes if he used his strengths to help himself it would be, like, selfish. Which is a problem of his.

gemder n brand of gay: A lot of people in yonder Fandom like to see kaneki as bi and hide as gay but nah fam you’re off. Honestly I do not care about his Date With Rize in the slightest, that man is a homosexual. Hide is the bi one. (it’s not like this is a requirement or anything lmao i am just Saying also i’m bi and i’m projecting) I can also say with confidence that date with Rize was the only date Kaneki’s ever been on and he was definitely lying to himself. (i just, don’t know how you could look at Haise specifically and for one second think he has ever seen a boob) Hide’s the one who’s probably dated people before and he actually knows what’s attractive, he probably just doesn’t discuss that a lot with Kaneki since the bitch is Closeted and hide knows this. It’s funny because Hide canonically has two dads. Like I think that kind of explains him tbh. Bitch has good parents??? He’s the only one but we love him for it. U know Kaneki spent more of his life at Hide’s house than his own.

And as to gender, like obviously hide’s a guy, but i think he’s one of the few cisgenders who could like... tell you why. He’s well versed in those kinds of issues and has just thought about it a lot I guess? He’s comfortable in his skin and with a conventionally masculine appearance but he could tell you what Boy TM means other than yo macho man dude bro guy

personality type- ENFP-T: I took the fucking test for him and it was like... so easy. Took me ten minutes.

basically what this means is it just calls him out as a fucken loud ass sunshine boy who has very many emotion and cares way too much about his friend

love how this part of the description describes kaneki and hide perfectly

biggest strength: he’s so good at helping people?? Like I can honestly say if some random person started rambling about their relationship issues to him I’d give him 10 minutes before he had a perfect solution, he had the person crying and being comforted in just the right way. He’s the perfect medium of confident and caring and he’s not just a fucking ray of sunshine on accident, he’s like, mob psycho 100 style actively working to be nice and compassionate. He’s very aware of how his actions affect people and he always knows just the right thing to say, what to do, when to just let things go or when to say them. And Hide will forgive, literally anything, even if someone does something really shitty to him he’ll realize it’s the product of like, unresolved mental issues or something and seek to fix it instead of cutting the person off. It’s... really good for everyone around him. But well,,, not great for him, see below.

biggest weakness: bitch does nOT leave room for himself. Although he is generally a confident person and isn’t very insecure, he knows he’s giving too much of himself and simply ‘pretend i do not see it but in reality i do’. He’s never put himself first and feels more worthy when he makes someone else happy, and it’s really not that visible but it can take a pretty big toll on him. He’ll feel anger and frustration for his problems but eventually he will end up blaming himself for anything that goes wrong and will just resolve to Try Harder. (which, mood) He does problem solve well and he tries to come up with the best solutions to issues but the fact is he just does not prioritize his own happiness within those solutions. He gives too much and it’s fucking killing him.

what he likes most about himself: Although he does have issues obviously, I don’t see Hide as someone who has particularly low esteem of himself. I think he pretty much thinks he has himself figured out and therefore other people’s problems come first. He generally does, think fondly of himself, because most of the time he can fix people’s problems so he’s yknow, a good person. I think he likes his ability to enjoy life and live in the moment, and he likes his connections and friendships with other people. He values emotional connection and he likes that he can easily create and enjoy good vibes. He loves being the one who everyone just... goes to for a good time.

favorite things: I think I heard somewhere that he enjoys dumb american bands without really understanding what they’re saying which seems very on brand for him, but I’m gonna perscribe him some other stuff too. Obviously he likes bright colors and comic books, and places where he can have fun with other people. He generally likes college, even though it’s like, school, and unlike kaneki he actually had a good childhood and he enjoys the places he spent time and formed good memories, he has Nostalgia TM (see unbelievable by owl city hmmm he vibes to that he was born in 1996 or something right i can’t google things) he also just really likes to just, fix other people’s problems but we’ve covered that.

what he’s doing right and what he’s doing wrong: Hide is doing his best. He’s no less flawed than any of the other characters in tokyo ghoul, it’s just that his strategies tend to involve 100% less murder. Ok no, let me rephrase that, Hide is flawed, but i meant like emotionally, he’s not a war criminal like everyone else. He may seem at first glance like, just, perfect? Sorry for being a simp lmao but I feel like from the outside he’s just got it all together right? He knows what he’s doing and he’s super nice and helpful and smart and humble and just doesn’t have any visible flaws? He... tends to hide any evidence that he would ever be struggling. And that’s not very sexy of him. He feels it would be a burden on others to show pain or ever say he can’t take something on (if someone asked him to do something he’d do it even if he was already mentally at capacity etc) and that’s something he needs to work on. The good thing is that if they got to a point where after Kaneki’s Character Development they got to just... like, be happy and not be separated and everything Kaneki would be good for him because he compliments that. Hide helps him because he needs a lot of like, mental counseling lmao but now that Kaneki’s gone through a lot of that his eyes have been opened more to the fact that Hide hides his problems from Kaneki so if they could just bE HAPPY this is an issue that could be resolved

insecurities: I think Hide kind of believes he’s not allowed to be sad. Cause it’s like, not his job. He’s the source of happiness for everyone else, supposed to have everything together so he can fix everyone else’s problems. he’s not allowed to be in pain or feel bad for himself even though he knows “Boys Can Cry” it’s like, yes boys can cry, not me tho haha lmao it’s not about his masculinity it’s just he’s like “yeah but kaneki’s had it worse” so like if he finds himself in a bad place, he feels inadequate and like... fundametally broken. and it’s. Like. I felt that but also like king that’s not how it works

goal in life: I think he wouldn’t really be able to answer that question. What the truth would be is that he probably wants to do something grand and important that helps a lot of people and kind of changes the world. But he might not really think of it that way, since he’s usually focused more on smaller more isolated issues and he has no idea what he wants to do as a career. He admires activists and people who put themselves at risk but it probably makes him feel inferior that someone else is Doing Something About This Big Problem and he’s just sitting there riding around on his bisexual bike and being in college. (I’d like to say he’s probably changed majors at least a few times,,, that man was like “oh yeah lmao i’m gonna be a comic book artist” but someone said something about how he’s a good therapist and he’s like “brb kinshift i am now a psychology major” lmao.) (hello i am projecting but i’m right) He sees a tumblr post about some issue somewhere and he hyperfixates on it for days until he sees another post about something worse it’s an issue. But I think what he ended up doing was what he wanted to, even if he never recieved any recognition for it the internal sense that he was doing something Right TM in the eyes of history would probably make him cry

how he was raised: I can’t really say much to this because there’s barely any canon on this and the canon that does exist I have completely ignored other than the fact that he has two dads. Bro tbh? He didn’t need any tragic emo backstory I think he had a great childhood. Honestly he’s probably a rich kid. Not super rich but he’s not struggling man. Not gonna lie to you I think the only reason he went to Kamii was because he wanted to be at the same college as Kaneki who probably got a scholarship. Hide, didn’t. (it’s not like he’s not intelligent but I don’t really think that his grades are his biggest priority, the only time he ever pays attention in class is to give kaneki the answers when he’s gone)

What irks me about the random lore drop in the last chapter about him having a CCG dad that died or whatever- it kind of ruins the whole point for me. Personally I choose to believe he had nothing whatsoever to do with ghouls or the ccg before all that happened to Kaneki. He probably had correct opinions on them, but only like, in theory, it’s like straight people that are like “yeah ofc gay ppl valid” but they’ve never really had any personal experience with any. So when he gets involved in that- the fact is that the only reason he was... was bc of kaneki. It was never more complicated than that to me. YKNOW, SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST, NICE, OK?

And I think for me that the fact that he could actively choose to be nice and be aware of all these problems when he’s practically got every advantage in life is a lot more important. He didn’t have to be poor or have a dead parent or have a shitty childhood for him to be really genuinely good. I don’t think he’s ever been bullied or anything, but he can still be aware that it sucks to be bullied. I think he was just... raised right. I think his dads are probably pretty fucking baller for him to be such a bro. They taught him the right shit.

General philosophy: Hide is one of the only people in the series for whom the dynamics of right and wrong are not hard to understand. He’s never been required to pick up a weapon or actually truly fight in the CCG, he’s never been really mean to anyone. Of course I can say he’s probably decked a few ppl that made fun of Kaneki in middle school, but haven’t we all. The thing is that though he’s never suffered at the hands of others, everything that’s hurt him he’s gone in fully consenting to it- he can still understand and forgive what everyone else has done. Like bro he’s the literal only one around who’s not like a literal war criminal, but he’s not going to think he’s better because of it, because he understands that if he had been in their circumstances he couldn’t say how he would have turned out.

That’s why I think it’s so important that he never really had a bad childhood- he’s not better than them for turning out without any blood on his hands, because he was never required to. And he knows that and he goes through every day with all these people who have and is conscious of it. He can’t ever say he’s incapable of hurting other people, because he would have said that about Kaneki before all of it happened. So he’s quite politically correct compared to Kaneki and the others but he doesn’t see things that way.

relationship bullshit: i mean bro i know this is a serious post about like psychological and emotional things but i felt the need to discuss whY does everyone write hide as a bottom I mean like sure he’d bottom if his partner was a top but this is simply not the case with kaneki look at him. Hide. Service top. I rest my case. The man’s the biggest switch ever but when he’s a top he’s a nice top. I think Kaneki needs that to be perfectly honest. He really likes to take care of people. Also kind of off topic but his love language is quality time he just wants to play video games wit da homies and he might fall in love a bit

I find it genuinely funny how much i cannot get away from the tentacle porn on the god forsaken archive of our own just looking at the tags i already know it’s so out of character haitoheoihesdsdsa and don’t get me started on the vore

how kaneki sees him vs how he actually is: One of the biggest problems in kaneki and hide’s relationship is how in the beginning, Kaneki didn’t really understand at all that Hide could be hiding anything from him. Kaneki’s not good at picking up clues like that in general, but the fact that he was hiding so much himself didn’t help at all. Hide gives off the vibe of someone who has no inhibitions and shows every side of himself without hesitation, and Kaneki really does idolize that. He didn’t realize that Hide could possibly be suffering or imperfect compared to his vision. He sees Hide as practically an angel, and that’s exactly how Hide wants Kaneki to see him, because he doesn’t want to burden Kaneki with his own problems since he believes they’re not as important and they would make Kaneki sad. Kaneki knew Hide wasn’t as oblivious as he seemed, but he didn’t really understand what that meant until too late. The good thing about Kaneki’s character development though is that it then helps Kaneki understand that Hide was suffering because of him and he didn’t want Hide to hide it anymore (lmao). If they’d only executed that point well that could have been really good but well that’s what fanfic is for

how he sees kaneki vs how kaneki actually is: This one’s a lot more difficult, because well. Hide’s very good at knowing exactly how people are in their hearts, compared to Kaneki. But there are definitely some things that he’s not super up on. He wasn’t around for a lot of Kaneki’s development, so most of the time I think he still believes Kaneki doesn’t want to see his pain, which is, simply incorrect, Kaneki would obviously not be happy to hear it but it would tear him up inside to realize he’s been oblivious to it the whole time. He’s grown a lot more mature since he spent most of his time with Hide, and I really think Hide could benefit from being able to open up to Kaneki the way he is now. And well. I think his biggest misconception has to be that Kaneki enjoyed women lmao

the most him thing i’ve ever done: listening to a happy upbeat song and visibly bopping while also uncontrollably sobbing

miscellaneous headcanons:

-he’s a morning person lmao. Motherfucker gets up at 6 AM and Kaneki is like PL EA SE NO

-what he finds attractive is like. twinks and girls with hair in colors that don’t exist and ppl who don’t know what gender is

-He likes Imagine Dragons lmao you can see by the next point

-his coping mechanisms are mostly music and other people tbh he’s like “oh i am having emotions? disgusting” *goes to a party*

-he plays dnd and he mains a warlock i don’t make the rules

-he doesn’t look like someone who would do that shit but he probably knows how to use tarot cards

-idk how but that motherfucker is so neurodivergent i can smell the hyperempathy on him look at that man he has so much adhd

-he’s fully aware that his fashion sense is terrible and continues to wear more and more ridiculous clothes to piss kaneki off

-this man has tungle dot fuck. Look at him. His url is probably something along the lines of my ao3 username lmao

-he can see the forbidden shrimp colors smh

-this bitch likes mob psycho 100 and the promised neverland, kaneki keeps telling him to watch death note and he’s just like n o hhsdfhhfdshdfshdfs he probably kins tpn emma

-he doesn’t know how to drive lmao he bikes everywhere and he lives in tokyo

-i am once again thinking about how he was in a play with kaneki and kaneki was the main character and he was the spicy side character that’s not a headcanon just. that

songs that are, him:

-Stand By You (Rachel Platten)

-Luck (American Authors)

-Love (Imagine Dragons)

-If I Lose Myself (One Republic)

-Stardust (New Politics)

-Secrets (also one republic)

-Flaws (Bastille)

-100 Bad Days (AJR)

-I Lived (another one republic lmao)

-Battle Scars (Paradise Fears)

-Rise Up (Imagine Dragons)

yeah he definitely listens to this shit lmao

#tokyo ghoul #hideyoshi nagachika #hidekane #kanehide #jesus christ i am hyperfixated #rowan's hyperfixation essays

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ndaromant1c · 3 years

Text

This is very random, and I'm very new to Tumblr, but I just wanna say this bc i just have to let it out of my system already. I'm so tired of how ppl who don't have ADHD perceive it:

I'm tired of not being able to talk about my ADHD irl bc if i do, ppl will just say I'm complaining/making things up/blaming everything on my disorder/making a big deal out of it.

I'm tired of not being able to talk about it even on the fucking media; tired of being so scared to even as much as MENTION words like "disability" "oppression" "ableism" "minority", bc no one acknowledges all of these words are so very related to ADHD. Yes, we are a minority. Yes, we experience ableism and oppression.

I'm tired of always mentioning my "privilege" whenever i talk about my disability, and minimalizing my own emotions and struggles bc god forbid I'll talk about my issues without someone commenting "but other ppl have it worse".

I'm tired of never being mentioned in conversations about diversity. It's time ppl realize diversity isn't just POC and LGBTQ+, it's also neurodivercity. U can't preach about the importance of "inclusion" and "diversity" when u literally erase and ignore us during those kinds of conversations.

I'm tired of the lack in representation on the media.

I'm tired of being EXCLUDED even when we ARE being represented in the media (I'm looking at u new percy jackson series. The actor should be neurodivergent.)

I'm tired of ppl gatekeeping. I'm tired of neurotypicals bulling. I'm tired of being dismissed, invalidated, gaslighted and silenced.

I'm tired of being so ignored, never being mentioned.

I'm tired of the trauma so many ppl with adhd go through, getting ignored.

I'm tired of ADHD being referred to as a "diet autism", and CONSTANTLY being compared to autism. ADHD is its own disability, and it shouldn't be compared to other disabilities/seem like "less of a version".

I'm tired of being told I'm not rly disabled. I am.

I'm tired feeling like I'm not "disabled enough".

I'm tired of being "neurotypical- passing", simply bc i have adhd.

I'm tired of never being taken seriously. Ever.

I'm tired of neurotypical ppl self diagnosing themselves over dumb, romanticised memes (if you self diagnose, do an ACTUAL research before. Don't rely on memes).

I'm tired of "either ppl with adhd need to stop being so relateable, or i need to see a doctor"- I'm so sorry my disability is so "relateable" to you /s.

I'm tired of neurotypicals telling US how to feel when we get dissed.

I'm tired of ableism regarding to ADHD being dismissed, we experience sm ableism on the daily. Acknowledge this.

I'm tired of feeling bad whenever i see someone from a different minority having a hard time, and then feeling guilty for struggling bc "they have it sm harder than me, and I should stop feeling so sorry for myself".

I'm tired of being called lazy, dumb, weird etc....

I'm tired of stigmas and stereotypes. So fucking tired.

I'm tired of the first thought being associated with ADHD is "can't focus, can't sit still disorder". It's so much more than that.

I'm tired of ppl calling it a mental illness. I'm not ill. There's nothing wrong with it.

I'm tired of toxic positivity. No I'm not lucky, nor blessed. I didn't ask for this disorder. It's hard, and i refuse to look at it as just a "gift". It can be such a curse sometimes.

I'm tired of "we all do this"- if we all did this, i wouldn't be sitting here, crying, because I can't seem to function like a normal, stable person.

I'm tired of being blamed for my symptoms.

I'm tired of ppl complaining how much of a burden i am, I'm sorry it's hard for you to live with me, but as the person diagnosed with this shit, trust me, it's even harder to live with myself.

I'm tired of ADHD being described and diagnosed according to how much of an inconvenience we are to neurotypicals.

I'm tired of "you're too sensitive" "it's not a big deal".

I'm tired of living in a world designed for neurotypicals, and when i can't seem to function like one, i get backlash for it.

I'm tired of masking.

I'm tired of neurotypicals telling me to stop masking and "just be myself". I get bullied, and treated like shit for "being myself".

I'm tired of never being enough, but always being "too much".

I'm tired of so SO many more things.

Why is it so hard to understand that we exist, and we struggle too?

ADHD is a disability. ADHD is a struggle. ADHD is real, and I'm so fucking sick and tired of ppl saying otherwise.

Sorry for the long vent, it just had to be said. (If u have anything to add -and I'm CERTAIN u do- pls add it). Also sorry for typos :/

#adhd problems #adhd #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #adhd emotions #living with adhd #adhder #disability

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domjaehyun · 2 years

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HI ITS ME AGAIN. Re: blood,I don’t like it either but it reminded me of my first week ever working in childcare and it was outside time. There was this broken piece of playground equipment that someone had left out. My kids had gotten a hold of it and one was swinging it around and made contact with the side of another child’s head. Poor kid had a huge gash on his forehead all the way to the side of his scalp. It was GUSHING blood. The kid who hit him was crying so much bc he was basically traumatized. Me and my coworker almost got in trouble bc we had to fill out an incident (for the perp) and accident (for the injured) but we didn’t write it how it exactly happened. Like bitch, I don’t *remember* my short term memory is shit (hello add/adhd!). Anyway that’s my story sjfhfsjfhf - big sad

omg wait pause THATS SO SCARY my nightmare was always smth rly bad happening to a kid :( omg i have a long story abt my nightmare at work once

OH MY GOD IT JUST DELETED EVERYTHING i’m not typing that shit again anyway there was a fuckin disaster at my second to last job that i won’t elaborate on bc all my shit just got deleted 💖 but there was a clusterfuck of situations that 20 year old me was unfairly put in charge of handling bc i was the only competent employee and basically a child gave another child an open head wound and the staff present at the time (not me i was attending to other issues) didn’t call his mother like i said and said mother only found out bc the staff called our boss who called his mom

she was beside herself as she had every damn right to be and came in like furious and was p much yelling at me and tbh i can handle being yelled at !!! i was upset bc i was being unfairly blamed for all the stuff that had happened when i literally told them what to do and they just didn’t. do it sjfjdjd but i can take a little yelling my parents gave me good practice for that!!

but yeah a volunteer mom and the Dept of Education staff that knew what happened had to step in and tell her that i had literally absolutely nothing to do with it so pls stop yelling at me and then the mom started crying and i just Lost It like i felt so horrible and i understood her part entirely and i was feeling for her and also frustrated that it panned out like it did and worried and everything and /i/ started crying and had to excuse myself bc i needed to calm down but . yeah 💖

the staff member that technically caused a lot of the issues got . in . quite a bit of trouble . the child was okay thank god and the child who did it got dismissed from school a couple of days but like . that was hell 💖 absolutely terrible 💖 however after that incident i was like . entirely untouchable like i was my boss’s Golden Employee bc i was the only one who acted like i had some damn SENSE and fixed as many of the issues as i could 😭😭😭 and then i quit a while later bc that job was horrible 💖 and then they shut down like a month or so after i left 💖

anyway thank god i don’t work there anymore 💖 blood alarms me but specifically when children are bleeding it is Very Fúcking Serious jsdkkdfk

#answered #anon #big sad #we go through things 💖

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thedancefloorsilly · 3 years

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Hi! Congrats on 300 that's amazing!🎉 can I participate in the f/o's event please? I choose Chrollo and Kurapika (seperate). I don't have any absolutely necessary hcs for the relationships that I need to mention, except for that both are loving of course.

I'm really sorry if this is too long or too much! I tend to be open to a horribly obnoxious extent. I just overshare a lot. I had to reread this multiple times and shorten it as much as I could make myself.

Basic about me: I'm an aries sun w/ a gemini moon and leo rising, personality type is INFP. Hobbies I like are writing (normal fictional stories and fanfic), reading, drawing, painting, digital editing, walking around in nature (not quite hiking), Minecraft, and adventuring to places near me.

I get attached to random things and get really excited whenever I see them. Some examples are flowers, moths, shiny/pretty rocks or crystals, and anything similar to bottle caps/can tabs, safety pins, and other little shiny thingies.

While I tend to pride myself on how mature I can be and just how intelligent I am- normally in unique critical thinking, language skills, and imagination/creation, I'm also just a little kid at heart. I have wildly exaggerate reactions to things I like no matter how small or big they are, and due to rejection sensitive dysphoria I can be a little childish in turmoil no matter how many big words I use.

I actually like that I express joy so much and can romanticize any scenario + fall in love with insignificant objects. It took me a while to realize I even liked to do this because I didn't realize I had been masking my entire life. Due to other things being masked and whatever I have issues connecting the image of myself now to the image of myself when I was little to an alarming amount, yet still have a connection to her on the inside because I know she would be similar to now if she could.

I have ADHD and maladaptive daydreaming issues, possibly autism but I'm still doing research.

I really like praise and I need someone telling me good things about me, and I have envy problems. I wouldn't call it jealousy because I never act on anything, nor do I wish bad for the people who are doing good. My main issue, I guess, Is the "never enough" kind of thing. That's the only way I can describe it. When I'm upset, the only way to describe how I feel about myself is that I'm never enough, and no matter how much I try people won't like me as much as healthy me likes me...does that make sense? It's like I blame other people but I aim the hate and hurt feelings towards myself?

The words I'd use to describe myself are creative, intelligent, sensitive, affectionate, exaggerative, wondrous, and open

I kin Gon. Other characters are: Reki (sk8 the infinity), Anne (anne with an e), Coraline, Syd (I am not ok with this), lance (voltron), and Kaido (saiki k)

Very random details that don't matter: •I have wavey-curly hair but it can change wildly. It can be really curly, fluffy and insane, or completely flat without much at all. I've never used curling product or whatever to get it curly I just have to tightly braid it for a day and it's completely there. •I wear basic clothes but extra af accessories everywhere and somewhat crazy eyeliner. I like little trinkets as accessories like safety pins, paper clip necklaces, or hair ties on my wrist. Also some normal ones like rings, chokers, and bracelets. •I am definitely a spiritual bitch and I'm all for the moon and crystals and herbs (very basic I know), of course actual witchcraft work, but a little basic romanticizing doesn't harm nothin'

Let me know if i didn't do something right! I'm happy to be one of your 300 followers <3

Hi!! Thank you so much and ofc!! Ah don't apologize the more info the easier it is (I liked reading all of this, and plus I got so many ideas bc of it :D) !!! I also have that habit LOL. you did everything right so dw (and omg thats so nice the at the end mah heart :,)). Have a great day and enjoy <333

Event: Closed

Kurapika

- It’s not a surprise on why Kurapika loves you so much, as there are many things about you guys that make such a great fit. Having you as his lover just makes Kurapika appreciate one more thing about his life.

- Lets start off with the fact that you romanticize the scenarios and objects in your life. To Kurapika, he views this as you having an appreciation for the little things in life. For someone to express joy through the seemingly “insignificant things” is such a beautiful thing to him, and to Kurapika, he also thinks of it as a reminder to enjoy life’s little gift’s.

- This also reflects off his own way of thinking. For someone who has lost almost everything, Kurapika reminds himself to be grateful for all the things life has to offer. When life gets tough, he remembers some of the big and small things that he is appreciative for: seeing the sunrise each morning, his friends, how he’s able to wake up to see another day, and one of the most important things of all, you.

- There is not a day where Kurapika does not remind you how important you are to him, how much you’ve changed part of his outlook on life, how you’ve gave his little dark and grey world some color. For that, he’s just so exceedingly grateful, and his heart is full of this everlasting love for you. Having said that, those days where you feel as if you’re never enough always make him upset to hear.

- Though Kurapika might be a littleee uncertain with his advice, he tries to solace you the best that he can. With his calm voice, he’ll try and reassure you that you are enough, even if you might no see that in your eyes. One thing Kurapika wishes for you is to one day view yourself the way that he always does.

- Kurapika and you also share your love for nature, which was one thing you later learned about him. Growing up in a beautiful forest in the Lukso Province as a kid, he was surrounded by nature almost all through his life. He has such an appreciation for the beauty that the naturel world has. Kurapika and you sometimes set up dates where nature is most present, such as in a forest, or maybe in a field of flowers at night when the two of you can stargaze in each others arms.

- These have to be one of his favorite kinds of dates with you. The serene atmosphere that the environment brings Kurapika puts him at such ease, and having you by his side the whole time just perfects everything. While these moments can be filled with exchanged laughter from your conversations, or a calm silence from taking in the presence of your surroundings and each other, you guys always have such a wonderful time out of it. The ending to these dates can be topped with a heartfelt kiss from the two of you, as a reminder that your love and appreciation for each other is so deep-hearted and sincere.

Chrollo

- As the leader of an infamous group of thieves who can steal as much as they desire, Chrollo knew that he couldn’t just ‘steal’ someone’s love. You intrigued him from the start, and being that you guys seemed to be very different in personality, Chrollo was willing to know more about you.

- In his eyes, you were like this divine gem that somehow ended up in his grasp, except without the use of “stealing” it. Now that you and him are dating, there’s not a day where Chrollo doesn’t try and show how much he loves you. Let’s start with how every time he call’s you, it’s with the use of an endearing name. He usually goes back and forth between calling you “my love”, “my dear” and “sweetheart”.

- Every time you feel envious, or have those feelings of inadequacy, Chrollo pulls you close to him, and tries to comfort you with the sweetest of words. Now usually if he would ever say something this heartfelt to someone, it would be for personal gain in return. But, whenever he pulls you into his arms and whispers his own advice, it’s because it’s genuine. All the praise you hear coming from your mouth is something that Chrollo truly means, and wants you to understand.

- He also really enjoys your personality in which you romanticize everything. Chrolo finds it very cute to him, and loves seeing how you get excited with the smaller things. As someone who could steal almost anything for you (large jewel, rare items, etc.) Chrollo finds it funny that you just like to pay attention to the little things. With that being said, anything that he finds that reminds Chrollo of you, whether it be out on his missions or a daily stroll), he’ll always bring back. He loves seeing the visible excitement on your face, the way your eyes bright up and that lovable grin to follow. He just can never get enough of it.

- Knowing that you also love these, Chrollo will always gift you with a bunch of rare flowers that he saw. He will usually give you about three or four of the most prettiest flowers you’ve seen, and he’ll tie it with a small ribbon just for you. While you’re expressing your love to how beautiful these flowers are, of course, he’ll sneak in some lovey compliment (“yes they look nice, but they don’t look as amazing as you”. Normally these are very cheesy, but Chrolllo says it in a way that just works).

- Reading dates are very common with you and him. Chrollo is an avid reader, and going on a date based on his interest next to someone he so deeply loves would just be perfect. You guys could just cuddle on the couch or bed, maybe light some nice candles around, and just... read next to each other!! It might not sound like much, but it’s very enjoyable when you’re around each other.

- All in all, the love Chrollo has for you cannot so simply be described in just words. Even though there might come danger from his own role, he will promise to protect you. Chrollo is just so happy to have met you, to be with you, to call you each other’s, and to develop this mutually genuine love that you and him have.

a/n: this was very very fun to write nd I rlly hope u like it :D ty for participating again !!

#hm you know #reading some of the things u said reminded me of me #lol #reki kinnie wavelength :')#I wish u the best and only the best bc u deserve that <3 !!#300 followers event #kurapika #f/o #selfship

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this-is-my-main-i-follow-from · 3 years

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I already wrote this post, but I’m coming backk up to the top to put a cut bc it’s p long.

my brother is singing falsettos out loud & I’ve already had a stressful day bc I’ve done nothing (lack of structure & lack of productivity gives me really bad anxiety) & he’s either singing out of key & out of time, or it just sounds really bad without the music. He’s the only one who can hear the music bc HeadPhones. & also the falsettos is probably really bad for my mom bc she’s mad that dad left her, esp bc the house is a mess & stressing her out & she needs to go grocery shopping & he used to do that “but now he doesn’t because he stopped loving [her]”, so my bro singing fucking falsettos is really bad. I can’t cook supper bc I don’t have a recipe & the stuff is still frozen & idk what kind of dough I should make & besides the kitchen is a mess & he won’t fucking clean it. I mean it’s also partially my fault bc I’m a lazy adhd mofo, but it’s his job today & my job to cook. I need to get into the kitchen & cook before mom & my OTHER brother get home from shopping but I can’t bc he’s just drawing & singing & the singing is so annoying- I was trying to listen to a thing but I couldn’t fricking hear it bc adhd auditory processing disorders, it didn’t have fucking subtitles or anything & it was not great audio quality & I couldn’t differentiate between the words he was singing, & I couldn’t hear the quiet parts when they overlapped with his singing. I wasn’t going to write all of this I was just going to say that his singing makes me want to cut myself, but apparently there’s a lot more to it. also I don’t want to end up cooking while mom is home bc I don’t have any drawings on my arm & mom is fucking nosy & wants to see my scars so I have to work extra hard at hiding them but even with ppl who arent nosy, like my little bro I don’t like them out, but the longer my older bro sits there fucking yelling out of key, the longer I’m delayed & I won’t be able to cook. By this point, I won’t even be able to cook the meal I was planning on, I have so much shit to do I’ve missed so much & I’m so behind, but I’m so incapable of doing anything like i can’t do chores bc I use the excuse I have homework but I never fucking do my homework so I’m also behind in school & even with the stuff I like like dnd & writing & violin I can’t do, & I skipped online kung fu & I’ve been slacking off under so many excuses but I’m just being lazy & anxious & I also gained so much weight & it makes my body feel so bad & i know this isn’t my body’s happy weight & being fat makes my boobs bigger & I’m fucking trans & I hate them I even tried cutting them off myself & ended up waiting 15 hours to go to the hospital so that I wouldn’t make mom suspicious (& they put me through triage really fast bc apparently I did a lot of dammage- I was planning on giving myself stitches, but my icepack melted & I couldn’t numb my body anymore so they’re lucky I even went to the hospital, it was bad bc I had to walk 20 minutes either way weighted down with a fucking toolbox & I waited outside in the cold bc my phone died & thus:) mom found out anyways so I lied to her about going to buy drugs bc obv /that’s/ a better idea than telling her I went to the hospital & SHUT UP UNNAMED OLDER BROTHER ok he’s between songs now. If I told mom I went to the hospital she would ask why & be like “y didn’t u tell me” & “r u cutting urself again” & like yeah bitch I have been for a while ik the social worker said I should tell you a codeword, but I don’t do that bc u blame yourself or cry or want to talk about & I yes I fucking cut myself what of it? Yeah I tried fucking removing my own left breast, bc u arent’ supportive of medical transitioning, at least not when they’re ur kids. Ur mad at dad bc he got a tattoo bc it’s body modification & thus uncatholic, but u’ll support ur catholic university friends gettin gtheir eldest daughter a reduction bc her boobs are big & painful- bitch what’s so different about me? I went so far as to try giving myself a reduction, you say you’re concerned about me mutilating my body & making bad decisions, but, you know what? because of this I have legitimately mutilated my body, & made a dangerous & bad decision. isn’t autosurgery proof that I need top surgery bc it’s a danger to my life if I don’t get it? The government is able to pay for it I think & bc it’s a danger to my health (& i get pain & I can’t work out & I get back pain & my skin pulls & hurts & if I jump my tissues yank my skin & it hurts & it puts so much strain on my back, & binding gives me pain, so I need a reduction as much as your catholic university friends’ daughter does) I should be abe to qualify. Even if I don’t qualify yet & have to wait two years, at least that would be the start of two years now instead of in a long time, I mean, mum, you say you want me to talk about it & you’re afraid I’m rushing into it? guess what? They are too! the healthcare system will make me do a bunch of shit to qualify, & tbh, I think that they are better qualified to talk to me about surgery & what I really want than you. Fucking finally, I hope my brother is done his play & finally shuts up. TA MA DE FUCK NO HE’S STARTING AGAIN CROWS DAMN IT CROWS CROWS CROWS & MAGGOTS I”m not even gonna be able to make anythiung for supper & i have no ideas besides the long one which I don’t have time for anymore. fine. whatever. I’ll go SH in my room. I won’t even work on fanfic bc I’m too fucking adhd & broken. I fucking hate it when ppl say “we;re all a bit adhd” like no bitch shut the fuck up, we all struggle with the things adhd ppl struggle with sometimes, but adhd is a neurological condition that makes those struggles so commonplace & intense that it affects our everyday lives. & no. adhd does not mean we’re more creative. Even if we do have more likeliihood of coming up with funky ideas, most of us struggle to articulate them or understand them, or we forget them as soon as they come. you’re not adhd bc you’re a little more creative, youre just an ableist asshole & fuck you. adhd isn’t creativity its’ a fucking disability. I’m directing this at those fucking parents who have the lovely nd daughter who gave me a hug, but you two are motherfuckers. Yeah I get thaat adhd, once you learn how to mannage it, can be useful, & I understand that part of the reason this disability is so hard is bc society isn’t designed for it (like a lefty using right hand scissors), but ot’s still fuxking REAL & if you can’t deal with it yet, it 100% is a disanbility. OK? Ok. I had smth I was going to say earlier, but I got distracted by smth else that made me mad, so I never got around to it. Youo know what I love? I fucking love how tumblr has next to no character limit so I can just type as much as I want. You know what I don’t like? I’ll probably get deactivated by some SJW maggot-eaten crow-fucker who thinks that my rant& mentioning my failed ed & my self harm (oh fuck shut up, my brother is chanting “dumb”) so anyways some fucking sjw fuck-hole will report this post & my blog & I’ll be deactivated for simply getting angry on tumblr. It’s fucking tumblr! You used to be able to say whatever you needed to say! But now, esp us ppl w EDs, have no safe place to talk about our issues (at least, not w/o fear of gettin gterminated for “encouraging” EDs, when we’re just trying to help ourselves). Anywasy, sorry for all the swears & go se, I swear when I’m mad. I’m gonna go do smth, idk what. Can’t be anything productive, Can’t even be unproductive stuff I like, like watching youtubem, or smth cathartic like playing fiddle. I might just go & bleed a bit & ignore everything for a while. I nkow that the world will still be stressful when I get back, & I’ll still have to cook, & I’ll still be behind in school, & mom will still be broken-hearted over dad, but I’m feeling calmer just thinking about it so that’s what I’ll do.

#dom personal #vent #various triggers

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idk-my-aesthetic · 4 years

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a concept

U know how in the comics Aang starts rebuilding the air nation with ppl who are basically converts to their religion? By like teaching them about the air nomad’s ways and stuff?

What if he gave some of them air bending using energy bending? And they could start re-building the air nation and it’s culture by teaching them everything!! They could even start moving back into the temples now that they could fly and rebuilding

They’d even have the bison!! According to the wiki aang found a living herd after the war !!

Idk just. As a Jewish person genocide stories are really really personal to me. And the thought of being the last of my people is terrifying

I just really want the air nation to have a chance to rebuild in a natural way. And I think that like letting ppl choose to convert and gifting them with air bending would probably be the best way

Ik aang’s kids and grandkids have air bending but trying to rebuild an entire nation from one bloodline is.... not the best idea

And I also know that in lok a bunch of ppl are given air bending, but that whole story really rubs me the wrong way (no hate to lok though!! There are parts I like!!)

Under the cut is basically an explanation as to why I take issue w/ it and find it mildly offensive/an essay about cultural appropriation in general lol. but i don’t wanna kill ppl’s dashes so if you wanna see the explanation check there

but i really think that aang like.... allowing ppl to convert, and teaching them, and gifting them w/ airbending in the most natural/best way for that story to go and i wanted to share that!! :)

anyway time for a whole essay because i.... apparently need to explain and justify every single one of my opinions. i’ma blame the adhd.

I have 2 main issues w/ the new air bender plot. a) the air Nomad religion/culture is pretty explicitly seen as a closed one and b) it’s sort of a cop-out.....

so... first:

Air bending is pretty explicitly a huge part of the air nomad culture and religion and is extremely spiritual. bc of how religious and spiritual it is the idea of ppl just.... randomly being given it really rubs me the wrong way.

It’s really really hard for me to explain this or come up with an irl example, bc these ppl didn’t ask for air bending, or try to gain it in anyway. So it’s not really their fault. But to me it feels almost like accidental cultural appropriation? If that makes sense

Which like. cultural appropriation is obviously bad. Even in the comic I originally referenced (the promise) Aang is initally really really offended by the people practicing the air Nomad religion when he first finds out!!! Which he should be!!!

There’s a difference between cultural appropriation, culture appreciation, and sharing culture. The first is bad, and the second 2 are good when done correctly.

Ima use an irl example w/ Judaism just bc using this personal experiences is apparently the only way my brain knows how to explain things

Scenario 1: Amanda (who is xtian) decides to research the Jewish holiday of Passover and the traditions behind it just bc she’s interested in it

This is cultural appreciation! She’s just learning about smthn she finds interesting. This is generally ok! although in some cultures there is knowledge that you are not supposed to know or discuss if you are not part of that culture and you should 100% respect that if it is the case

Scenario 2: Amanda learns about the Passover seder and decides to throw one herself

Dont fucking do this omfg. This is cultural appropriation. Passover is a super important and religions holiday! It’s one of the high holy days and celebrating it on her own isn’t ok!

Scenario 3: Amanda asks her Jewish freind Alex if she can come to his Passover seder

This is cultural appreciation and cultural sharing!! It’s totally valid!! She respectfully asks to join in and be included!

it’s diffrent from cultural apropriation for one huge reason. she is joining in, rather than celebrating it on her own with no jewish ppl present

Scenario 4: Amanda eats gefitlefish just bc she likes it

this is appreciation! even though there are no jewish ppl involved! bc gefiltefish isn’t a holy/religious/spiritual thing.

different aspects of different cultures have different levels of importance. as a general rule, if smthn is holy/religious, you should not do anything with it, unless invited by someone of that culture. if it’s not then you can generally do it on ur own (though there is some grey area there. ie, moccasins are smthn that aren’t religious to native americans, but if ur not native you shouldn’t be producing and selling them. if you want moccasins by them from actual natives)

scenario 5: amanda contacts a rabbi and starts the conversion process

this is...... just conversion lol. when she is finished with the process (which can take months/years) she’ll no longer be xtian and be jewish!! just as much as anyone who was born into judiasm. she’ll be able to host her own seders and any of her children will be jewish as well :)

sorry for the really long thing!! but i felt it was necessary to show the difference between some concepts that seem similar but are actually vastly different!!

anyway, i hope y’all understand the difference between cultural appropriation/appreciation/sharing. if ur asking urself “ok why does it matter tho” friendly reminder that alot of irl ppl have been murdered for trying to peacefully observe their cultures/religions :)

including the air nomads! (hey segway...)

they are literally hunted to extension because they are part of one culture/religion. you could argue it’s a racism thing (which it is) but race, culture, ethnicity and religion are all inherently tied. see: almost every non-xtian religion worldwide

SO. when you consider that a) the nomads were killed for their religion b) airbending was incredibly significant part of that religion, isn’t it weird that random people who have 0 connection or interest in that religion suddenly have airbending??

again it becomes like accidental cultural appropriation. which you can’t really blame the characters for in-world

but, these aren’t real ppl. they’re characters in a situation that was written by real ppl, real ppl who can and should be criticized

not that i’m trying to call the creators bigoted in anyway! this dosn’t seem like anything that was meant to be offensive. and it’s not really that offensive unless you think about it. to me it just seems like a plot point that wasn’t fully thought through. i don’t bring it up to shame the creators, just as a way to show others why it’s smthn not to be repeated

and, to show a better way to do a similar story

the reason i went so in depth w/ the explanation of cultural appropriation vs appreciation vs conversion is bc i wanna show why a different way of approaching a similar story would have been better

the reason i think my whole idea (of ppl basically contacting aang or the air nomads, converting to the religion, and then being gifted air bending through energy bending) is better than ppl being randomly gifted it is bc conversion takes work

to convert to any culture or religion you a) need a connection to someone in that culture (usually made by reaching out to a religious leader) and b) need to actually be accepted by that group in order to be considered one of them. it takes work and dedication. it’s a literal transfer of culture!! it’s just... ack i’m not good at explaining it

but dosn’t it make so much more sense that ppl who actually worked to integrate themselves into the culture and become one of them are givin airbending? not because it’s a privilege but bc they need to first become part of the culture in order to have any right or claim to it

but by just giving it to random non-benders it’s basically the reverse!! yes they later learn the culture and religon, but???? thats not how that works??? wtf???

i feel like i’ve been talking in circles and i’m sorry if i’ve bored everyone to death but i hope u understand my point.

anyway! next thing! (i swear this part will be way shorter)

by just making a bunch of random ppl airbenders it basically retcons one of the longlasting effects of the 100 yr war and almost just... erases the impact of the air nomad’s genocide

which. is gross and uncomfortable. genocide stories are touchy subjects and smthn that need to be treated with respect

just giving random ppl airbending it’s almost like the genocide didn’t matter at all. which i take a huge fucking issue w/ ok and i don’t feel like i need to explain why

instead of a natural rebuilding of the air nomads it’s just fixed with spirit magic. it’s just... an insult to the really compelling and well written genocide story that was in atla and an insult to the irl ppl who related to that story

so. yeah.... again i’m not trying to call out the creators, i again think this plotline was more accidentally insulting than purposefully

i already propsed a better way to do it by allowing converts to gain the ability to airbend. (hell it dosn’t even need to come from energy bending or aang. the air nomads were incredibly spiritual, maybe a spirit gifted it to the ppl who earned it instead of random fucking ppl)

but the other reason that converts instead of just.... random ppl gaining the ability is better is bc there aren’t gonna be that many ppl to convert!! there’s not gonna be some sudden boom in the airbending population!! theres would still be a story of the nation slowly healing and rebuilfing itself instead of the insulting sudden magic fix

oof. sorry for the long freaking thing. i literally went into this just wanting to share an idea and instead spent over an hour analyzing this stuff lol....

i hope this was coherent but if anyone’s got questions about anything i said feel free to @ me or shoot me an ask :) as long as ur polite and stuff i’ll answer to the best of my ability

#atla #airbending #atla meta #avatar tla #avatar #avatar the last airbender #aang #aang atla #atla worldbuilding #cultural appropriation #idk how to tag this also i am big tired #lok #genocide #tagging for blacklist #/ just in case

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rnajorarcana · 4 years

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❛ can’t tell if i’m really here , i think i’m leaving this body - bye - ye - ye - ye - ye !

oliver oli d’angelo . 23 . pan . he/they . angel boy . ( bullying , toxic relationships )

✧ ˖ * ° ><> ╱ ross lynch, genderfluid, he/they — look who’s fresh from the ferry, aren’t you OLIVER “ OLI " D'ANGELO ? your eroda brochure says you’re TWENTY - THREE and that you’re currently residing in MARMOTON. your favourite tourist attraction to hang around is SEA ROCK BREWERY, and the locals around these ports would describe you as SILVER TONGUED & CLEVER, RETICENT & INSECURE. your resting fish face really gives off SHADES OF BLUE REFLECTING THE SEAS & SKIES , TATTOO INK MIXED WITH GLITTER , THE MAGIC IN HIS VEINS & THE DIAMONDS IN HIS BONES and i’m a big fan of the DECK OF TAROT CARDS you seem to always be attached to. well, if you see the minister this morning; make sure you head on home as quick as possible, you never know what bad luck he could bring.

i . past

there is a saying that the amount of kind people in the world is diminishing ; and given exactly what you’ve been through , my dear boy ?? you could attest to that . kind people are forged in fire & have blood leaking from their mouths , given bruised knuckles and black eyes - yet here you are .

eroda born you grow up shy & quiet , gentle & sensitive - the type of kid that is easy to befriend if you talk to him but is equally as easy to shove into a locker . you are sketchpads & soft smiles but bruised cheeks & visits to the principal’s office and you’re told boys will be boys so there isn’t much the school boards can do about your constant harassment . you’re different than them because you don’t fit into their mold ; girls like you because you don’t pull their hair or make fun of them for being girls and that makes the other ones jealous , further worsening the treatment .

all you have is you , taking solace in the two things you know - artwork & video games . you imagine yourself as a gallant hero - like the one in the zelda games - riding alone but still kind & brave , and these drawings you make consist of both the characters from your comfort and yourself as such . you bury yourself in your nintendo ds , carrying it everywhere , and maybe one day you’ll be the link to a story where there’s a courageous hero needed and you can fill that slot . of course , your interests only contribute to the fact you’re seen as high school’s punching bag . you take it .

but things get different the one day you get pushed to the ground - because high school’s like that - and your beloved drawings get torn , your ds held from your grasp like a toy held from a jumping dog . and oli d’angelo , the ‘ angel boy ’ , with red lips & cherub cheeks & puppy eyes , decides he’s had enough and clocks his assailant back . principal’s office visit again , you’re suspended , but your darling mother ( she’s all you have ; your father strolled out the door before you could know him & the woman is a bit broken from hoping he could come back after all these years ) rubs your back , takes you out for ice cream , and tells you that you did the right thing .

doesn’t feel like it , since your limits were simply pushed .

graduation , art school , new horizons . oliver d’angelo meets trevor frost , and they instantly click , and with words exchanged across library tables and eventually kisses behind bookshelves , a budding romance is formed . he’s rich ; he even offers to pay for your tuition , but you fall in love with him because he looks at you like you are everything , but you don’t realize the wool pulled over your eyes - because you’re an angel who’s naive & innocent and he’s the monster that berates you & digs at you with even the most syrupy words , then lulls you into coming back . you spend your nights crying thinking you are to blame for things he’s done to you - finding he has more bedmates than just yourself , being accused of things that aren’t your fault or your doing . . . you are broken down , piece by piece , and once more . . . there’s a day where you can no longer take it .

screaming , hellfire , a broken angel finally breaks free of his chains and runs away , even though the monster tried to clip his wings . you pack up your things and leave , and you realize that your financial support is gone , but you need to get out .

. . . this life , it’s tested your kindness & your patience - you’ve been tossed through the wringer endlessly , and as you leave his apartment , you make a resolution that you can no longer allow yourself to be hurt . you cannot be vulnerable .

you are now oli , and oli shows up to his high school reunion with a new air of confidence . obnoxious confidence , like a party boy - but he retains his charm , words of silver leaking from his lips and charisma among a crowd enough to bring in even those who treated him unkindly in the years prior . he becomes the LIFE OF THE PARTY , but he doesn’t actually want to be there . this new persona - this arrogance , this annoying voice , this being who participates in every vice possible . . . he is nothing like the sweet & gentle boy that lies underneath . but he’s a mask , a suit of armor that you carry - so you can numb yourself over the loneliness & hurt that’s plagued you over the years .

new horizons , take two . you complete a tattoo artist apprenticeship , get your license - ship yourself off to another chapter of your life that hopefully means things will change . you’re black clothes & sunglasses & tarot cards & tattoos , silver tongues and smiles that only signal mischief . long conversations and words flying a mile a minute because your mouth is your greatest weapon . the good thing is nobody here knows you . . . even though maybe , you’d want them to - but if you do , you run the risk of getting hurt again .

oliver gets hurt , but oli is a courageous hero ( maybe ) that can go up against anything needed . . . you can be oli for now , even though that hurts just as much .

ii . present

SO OLI . . . god this is my son . this is my oc i’ve written forever and god do i love him .

so !! he’s an artist , loves to draw , paint , etc , now employed as a tattoo artist ! and . . . he’s also . got a lot of bad habits since he’s got a party boy facade to keep up and tries to make himself into someone else since , who he actually is , he’s scared to be in fear of getting hurt again .

on the inside , he’s sweet and gentle and introvereted - he doesn’t like big social gatherings and would much rather vibe on his own or with a few close friends ( if he had friends ) than anything else . but he’s afraid , again , of being himself or being vulnerable towards anyone else because he’s seen as an easy target , and his feelings are easy to manipulate . . .

so on the outside , he’s much different . he’s fucking annoying , to start - he’s a talker , always has something to say , and he’s very good at keeping a conversation . he’s a charmer , and paired with his big brown eyes and his award winning smile he can talk a snake out of its basket . but he also , again , maybe says too much and doesn’t have any fear or realization of consequences , and indulges himself in things like alcohol , sleeping around , loud parties , etc . because that’s the persona that keeps him guarded . and he’s gotten used to it , but he doesn’t like that this is what he’s known for . he wants people to get to know him for him but . . . this is his only option , since if he lets people inside , he gets hurt . so he just has to deal .

he’s that person that talks so much , you think he’s oversharing when in ACTUALITY he’s telling you nothing of importance . oli is fucking smart & intelligent and he knows how to read a room , how to pick his words - all survival techniques he’s learned from navigating the world around him . he’s . . . an expert at this social stuff , even tho tbh he much rather wouldn’t be .

some ppl want to kiss him some ppl want to kick him it be like that sometimes

he’s still nice !! he’s very nice - but maybe a bit more crass and unafraid to say shit that you wouldn’t expect anyone else to say .

but also also it’s like i said before - he is very into artwork and video games , the latter especially being his huge comfort . first is his passion , second is his comfort . oli loves games and he’s lowkey nerdy as hell , even though he’s trying to conceal some parts of himself THAT always bleeds through in some shape or form .

he’s also extremely into witchcraft , and that’s a major part of his character as well . he likes hanging at the brewery because it’s easy to get people who want tarot readings from him , and he always keeps a sigil or a crystal or something on his person . always has a water bottle of witch tea , always enchants his clothes or items , cleans his workspace at the tat parlor he works at with moonwater - that stuff . he’s known as two things - the angel boy or the magic boy .

o also he’s genderfluid so rly any titles are valid for him , comfy with anything . diagnosed bipolar ii & adhd bc i’m a bitch that loves to project .

HE’S . . . HE’S A GOOD BOY . he’s just . afraid to show that he’s a good boy . he’s got a heart of gold but he’s scared that if he shows it someone else is gonna use him again .

ANYWAYS !! like this n i , light , the bastard , will message u for plots !!

#vgs r his comfort hence the zelda influence graphique #eroda.intro #░ ★ abt . ❛ ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ғɪɴᴅ ᴀ ᴡᴀʏ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀsᴇʟғ sᴏᴍᴇᴅᴀʏ #bullying tw #toxic relationship tw #neglect mention #alcohol mention #i think . i got everything .#HAUSHUSHUS this is so bad im so sorry

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