#and the way wylan said YES I WILL I WILL MOVE IN YES was so perfect | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bubbles-for-all-of-us · 1 year

Text

Exactly as you are

Next chapter

a/n this has been sitting in my notes for a while and I was going to delete it but then was like you know what let's just post it. So here we are. 🙃

summary: when two broken souls meet something is bound to happen

warnings: mention of past trauma, sexual assault, forceful behavior, touch aversion, murder.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You moved around the buzzing club swiftly. Picking up glasses and stopping to listen to new orders being barked at you by already half-drunk males. A light smile on your face, regardless of the tone that people used to order you around. No matter the tone or the words that left their mouths, this was so much better. So much better than what you had been forced to go through in the past. What you had known for so many years. What you had no hope of escaping. There was no hope until a cold stone face showed up in your owner's house.

It was a last-minute decision on Kaz's behalf. One look. It took him one look, and he knew he had to do something. Had to come up with something. Kaz couldn't seem to draw his eyes away from the chains around your hands and ankles as you carried up the tray with whiskey. Eyes empty. It seemed like you didn't even notice him or Jesper in the room as you walked in. Like a possessed creature. Calculated moves. No emotions. And then it was the way your whole body suddenly tensed when the old man moved his hand to run over the curve of your body as he pulled you closer to him. Your eyes darted up. They didn't meet Kaz. You looked past him. But right there and then, Kaz knew that he was going to walk out of this place with you, or he wasn't going to walk out at all. And since the second option didn't please him, he picked the first one.

Three bullets. One for each hand that the old fuck touched you with, and the other neatly placed right in between the eyes. You didn't flinch as the shots rang out. As if this had happened so many times already in your life that you, in a way, were waiting for it. Yet another abuser down in the dirt, with another one ready to claim you. There was not a single word exchanged between anyone afterward. Jesper understood his boss with one glance. Kaz's eyes spoke volumes. The anger seemed different than ever before. More primal. Lingering. In any other situation, Jesper would have said something or teased, but this felt different. Something felt different as he picked you up right as Kaz limped out of the building. Your hand clenched Jesper's shirt as he walked through the dark streets. Jesper, too, realized that something was about to change.

You didn't speak. No matter what any of the crows did, you didn't say a thing. Emotions were rear flashes on your face. At first, only the movement of your eyes scanning the place was a shred of evidence that you were indeed alive. Or it was Nina, who occasionally checked on your heartbeat before nodding to herself. You had no shackles bounding you here. For the first time in years, they weren't weighing on you, but the demons from the past lingered.

"Fill the last glass up, and others will replace you", your eyes darted up in an instant, yet you didn't even need to look to know who the voice belonged to. Nodding your head, you placed the last glass on the table before Wylan disappeared with the tray in his hands. Quickly wiping your hands onto the apron, you moved towards the backroom. Kaz's room. A place where no one was allowed in without a reason. But you were quite a frequent visitor there, and in no way were you complaining.

A glass of water and a warm meal was already waiting there for you, and you couldn't help but feel your heart beat a bit faster. You had heard stories about dirtyhands; you had seen his cunning ways in action. But never with you. Yes, cold and harsh at times. But that's how Kaz was, and you had grown to find comfort in his cold demeanor. Take comfort in the silence that lingered between you two as you sat together.

"I know you haven't eaten, and quite frankly, I am disappointed that you are wasting your potential by starving yourself", Kaz said without paying attention to you as he too sat by the table. You narrowed your eyes at him, shooting him a stare that he was quick to return, but you knew you weren't going to win this, so you stepped closer to the table. This was never a fight you could win. Not with Kaz at least.

In moments like this, you often thought about the first night at the slat and how different everything was now. Jasper had left you in Kaz's room shaking, promising to get the girls to help you bathe afterward. That it was okay, that Kaz just liked to be extra, and that soon it would be over and you could rest. You stood there, clenching your fists, until you heard footsteps from outside. The broken-up pattern lets you know in advance that it is indeed your new owner. Or you assumed that he was going to take full ownership of you just like everyone else had before.

Kaz had hardly stepped through the door when his eyes landed on your shaky hands undoing your skirt, with your top already on the floor. And if he wasn't in some way thankful for the cane before, he sure as hell was now as his eyes landed on your naked, scared body, chest exposed, and his knees seemed to buck. "What are you…", he managed to mutter before quickly turning his gaze to the side. Somehow your face had managed to get paler. "I can turn away if I'm not to your liking", those had been the first ten words that you had said, and they had plagued Kaz's mind ever since.

It wasn't about you or if he found you pretty or attractive. Of course, he did. You were the prettiest girl he had seen. It was the fact that you had assumed that he was just like all the other males. That he was going to use you just the same. That you were here to be the same rag doll. To be tossed around and asked to stay quiet while someone forced you to do things you didn't want to do, "Get dressed and just… sit", Kaz had muttered, leaving the room quickly, pressing his head to the door as he tried to get his breathing steady.

None of you talked about that night. It was never brought up, and in a way, it soothed you. It was strange to you how different Kaz's behavior was behind closed doors. When you sat on his bed with a book in your hands while he looked over new plans and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. When he ushered you into the back room and you would just sit in the chair in front of his desk. It brought you peace because you felt safe with him. It brought peace to Kaz because, for the first time in his life, he didn't feel alone.

Just like Kaz, you hated being touched. It was a different kind of discomfort and fear that laced your body, but still. Touch was something you both avoided. Something that held so much pain and past trauma. As sad as it was, it was something that made you both so much closer. That allowed you to communicate without having to say a word. Kaz finally knew that someone understood. That there was someone who knew how horrible it was to be afraid to the point where you felt like dying. Where there wasn't an ounce of self-control. And even if Kaz wished that he could have saved you from the pain like that, it gave him hope that he wasn't that alone after all.

"I've got something for you", Kaz said casually, while you were in the middle of your stew. You gave him a puzzled look, but he just opened the side drawer and pulled out a neatly wrapped box. It wasn't an unusual thing. Kaz almost always brought little things back for you. Mostly books or some random trinkets. "Don't give me that look", he warned you. Even if all Kaz wanted to do was look at your sparkling eyes. Oh, how he had grown to love seeing your face light up slightly. And just for him. Just because of something that he had done. Because they never sparked like that when you were with others. No, because he had watched you ever since he brought you here.

Pushing the box towards you, he waited for you to take it out of his hands. You blinked a couple of times. Usually, if Kaz was to give you something, he would just push it across the table, but that didn't seem to be the case tonight. You reached out, taking the box, careful not to touch him, waiting for Kaz to tell you what this was about, but he only motioned for you to get going.

So you moved the bowl with stew to the side and pulled on the delicate white ribbon. A breath hitched in your throat, and you quickly drew your eyes back to Kaz, who had a slightly smug smile on his face. "I thought it would suit you well", he said, and you bit the inside of your lip. You had been eyeing the silk hair scarfs for a while. Stumbled across the shop by accident while looking for supplies for Nina. And ever since that day, every time you went out into town, you always walked past it. Stopping to peek through the window. Admire from afar, but never let yourself walk inside. The finest silk was too expensive for you to allow yourself a purchase like that.

You quickly shook your head, right as that thought settled, pushing the box back towards Kaz. "Don't you dare", his tone carried a warning yet was calm. "It's a gift from me. I add bonus pay for the crows after a good job, and you had been working hard in the club, so it's just the same". But it wasn't. You knew it wasn't, and you just couldn't let yourself accept this. So you shook your head once more. Kaz's lips finned out into a tight line. "You are allowed to enjoy things", and when you lowered your eyes, he knew that he had hit the target.

You shied away from things like that. Kaz noticed how you cringed at the sight of fancy clothes. Nina had managed to squeeze you into one of the fancy dresses she enjoyed, and the look on your face was enough to let everyone know just how much you hated it. So Kaz never pushed you. Simple grays or blues, a dash of yellow if the day was good, but nothing fancy, nothing big. And if Kaz was being honest, you didn't need any of it to look breathtaking.

And he had gone out looking for you that first day you had seen the scarfs and had taken way too long for his liking to return home. Kaz saw you with your palm pressed to the glass, looking inside. Even more so, he knew what it was like to want something but not be able to get it, and it wasn't just the material things he was referring to. But you were under his care now. Not his as an object. But his to protect. To keep safe. To make happy.

Kaz watched as your fingers carefully moved to touch the delicate material. He could only imagine what was running through your mind. Too unworthy. Too dirty to enjoy something so delicate. Or maybe you didn't like what he picked. Kaz had only assumed you would like this. Although he had never really gone out and bought anyone anything, then your fingers moved to Kaz's gloved hand, running in the same careful way over his fingers. Not grasping it. Leaving him enough space to move away from your touch.

But he didn't. Kaz's hand did stiffen beneath your touch, but only for a moment, and then his eyes met yours. Slightly glassed over by the tears that had picked up. Eyes that saw him. Saw through him. So Kaz didn't back away, even when the water started to drown him. He turned his attention to your fingers and how carefully you grazed them over the leather of his glove.

"Thank you", the whisper was so quiet, yet Kaz heard it. And if you only knew how much it meant to him. How he had been craving to hear your voice again. But he swallowed the desire and happiness down. Nodded his head and pulled his hand away from under your touch, "Finish the food and go rest".

You quickly wiped the tears away with the back of your hand. Kaz wanted to reach for you again. But a part of him kept him frozen in his chair. Frozen and stuffed in the box of fear. But just now, Kaz could no longer determine if the fear was from the touch itself or if it was because he was afraid that touching you would mean something. That it would mean that he cared. And Kaz Brekker never cared.

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker #six of crows imagine #six of crows x reader #shadow and bone x reader

901 notes · View notes

bookishdream · 1 year

Text

Underwater

Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader Description: Kaz and reader are in an established realtionship and when they think they succeeded in the Heist, something goes wrong. Genre: Angst/Fluff Word count: 1,8k

To Kaz, loving her was like drowning. His head would spin, his palms would sweat under his leather gloves, he would be confused. But it also felt like a first mouthful of air after he broke the surface. His heart would skip a beat and he would let out a first, shaky gasp of relief that he finally was able to get out from under the water. She didn’t make it easy to love her, her own traumas, her own nightmares and demons that couldn’t let her rest, her own vengefulness and personal vendetta against the world. But Kaz couldn’t and didn’t resist when he realized what all of those weaknesses meant. He was taken aback when he realized that he had a heart to give her. And she was happy to nurture and keep it safe.

When the Crows got the job to do they knew they might not come out alive from this. All seven of them were aware of the fact that death might be lurking behind the corner. So when Inej got injured y/n felt death on her shoulder, creeping closer and closer, making itself known in her every thought.

“Saints, Inej,” y/n exclaimed when she noticed that the Suli girl finally opened her dark eyes. Her brown face looked worn out and the remains of her blood could still be seen on her pants. Y/n delicately helped her friend up and propped her tensed body up the wall. The ship was swaying, the light bulbs weren’t giving much light, but she could see how Inej was grimacing when she moved her limbs. “You scared us all.”

“I scared myself,” Suli replied, touching her thigh. She hissed when her finger made contact with a scratch. Nina was a decent healer but even her powers were limited. “Are we safe?”

“As safe as we can be with this lunatic,” y/n smirked, leaning against the wall beside her friend. She tried to make a light out of the situation, but it was hard when she had been helping Nina bring colors to Inej’s face. She didn’t think she had taken a full breath in since Inej got attacked. “Somehow he figured we would be ambushed.”

“One would think he’d done it himself just to prove his point,”

“It’s Kaz, I think he himself doesn’t entirely know what is in his own head,”

“I reckon you would know best, y/n,” Inej smirked in her direction, her eyes glowing when she noticed how y/n’s cheeks grew redder. The girl rolled her eyes and got up.

“I will go fetch Nina, she’ll be thrilled you’re awake,” y/n smiled at Inej, taking her in once more to make sure she could be left alone.

“Coward,” Suli sing-songed.

“Stay still and do not go anywhere, you unbearable creature,”

“You and I will have this talk one day, I hope you know,”

“Dear Ghezen, have mercy,” after this she left and went to look for the Heartrender. She found Nina walking around the dock, Jesper keeping her company. They looked anxious and Nina’s palms were slightly shaking.

“Y/n!” Jesper exclaimed, “Is Inej okay?”

“She woke up, actually,” the girl said, sitting on one of the wooden steps. “I think you should take a look at her wound, it opened up a bit.”

“Yes! Yes, of course,” Nina shot to her feet, running to the room where Inej was sitting.

“Is Kaz okay?” y/n asked the Zemeni boy, his eyes were locked on the newest addition to the Crows. Wylan, on the other hand, was fidgeting. The boy couldn’t sit still and he was looking guilty, as if he had betrayed himself. Y/n wasn’t surprised regarding his upbringing. She hoped he would get used to it, being disappointed with himself that is.

“Go and ask him yourself, he nearly threw me overboard when I asked if he wanted to change his shirt, I’m not risking anything,”

Y/n nodded and made her way to the bow, where the Dirtyhands was standing. He looked lost in his mind, his hand clenched on the railing. His hair was disheveled and the wind didn’t seem to be helping with that. Not like he paid any mind to it, anyway.

“How are you holding on? I heard you were the one that carried Inej onto the ship,” she started, trying to come as close to him as she could, but still give him his space. “She’s alive thanks to you, Kaz.”

“I know,” he remarked. Y/n breathed a laugh, of course, she didn’t expect no other answer. “But I can still feel the wetness of her blood,” he started, his breath heavy and voice no louder than the sound of the wind. “I really tried not to drop her.”

“But you didn’t, Kaz, she’s alive and what’s most important she’s okay,” she smiled at him, she put her own palm on the railing, so that he could feel her closeness, but not close enough to overwhelm him.

After this night everything was left to the fortune. Inej prayed to her Saints everynight, Jesper worshiped his revolvers, Matthias was brooding and making faces whenever one of them so much as mentioned their destination, which was often enough that y/n was afraid that his face would stay in that way, Nina sang some old, Ravkan songs, Wylan and Kaz were going through the maps all over again and y/n couldn’t shake off the feeling of certain energy creeping from behind the corner.

So when they somehow succeeded in their plan, after many, many close encounters with death, she was relieved to feel every bone, every muscle, every hair on her body. She was sore from head to toes and for the majority of the journey to Ketterdam she was sleeping. She felt like she was on fire.

However, when they eventually docked to the Fifth Harbor and were ready to receive their payment everything went to shit.

“The deal is the deal, Van Eck,” Kaz said, the first signs of the storm were in the air. Y/n shivered looking around her friends’ faces. Everyone seemed confused, including her, and tired.

“Not much of a deal if no one besides us knows about it,” the merchant’s voice was filled with pride, his face full of arrogance. “I didn’t know you were so naive, Mister Brekker. Fortunately, none of you leaves the island alive, so no one will hold me accountable.”

“You’re wrong,” Jesper countered, his hands ready to take out his guns.

“Am I?” Two things happened at the same time, the ship behind them, the same one that they’d arrived on, blew up and Van Eck’s people started shooting. The force of the explosion was so big that y/n couldn’t keep her balance. She fell on her palms and knees feeling the hard concrete underneath her. She looked around her making sure that everyone was okay. Her eyes stopped at the silhouette of Kaz and Van Eck. She tried to warn Kaz, but to no avail. Y/n felt a pair of arms lifting her up, Jesper’s scent hit her nostrils. She got up as quickly as she could with his help and she found a box to hide behind.

“Jesper, cover me,” she whispered, the Zemeni looked at her, perplexed.

“Always,”

Whatever she wanted to do, it was stupid. Probably the most stupid thing she had ever done. She left her shelter and tried to get closer to the place where Kaz was still having a conversation with the merchant. She carefully went along the dock’s line so as not to fall into the canal. She kept the pistol hidden to prevent the guards from shooting. She creeped closer and closer and she could hear their words as clear as the storm over her head was allowing, still minding how close to the canal she was.

“You have too many weaknesses, Brekker. She for instance is one of them,” Van Eck motioned to his man. “Take care of her.”

Then the hell broke loose. Y/n didn’t know where she was supposed to look, everything happened so abruptly. Both her and the guard lifted their guns, aiming. Y/n fired but even with Jesper’s help, her shot wasn’t good or quick. She felt the knifr hitting her and hot, white, flashing pain radiated in her shoulder. Tears shot to her eyes but she didn’t let herself scream. She swayed on her legs, then a second knife hit her. She fell and kept falling. She hit the water.

She realized that the feeling of death she had experienced was inevitable. She was meant to die on this trip and once she had managed to escape its arms, but this time it looked her straight into the eyes. She tried to swim back to the surface, however her arms felt as if they were made from the lead. On top of that she was losing too much blood, too quickly. She prayed even though she wasn’t religious. Eventually, after what felt like hours, she closed her eyes, expecting death soon.

Unexpectedly, she felt two arms pulling her out of her slumber, she opened her eyes noticing Kaz. Kaz, who almost drowned himself. Kaz, who dove right after her. Y/n let herself smile at the thought that he cared so much for a person who might die in a few minutes. They hit the surface, taking big gulps of air. Kaz screamed at Jesper to help him, but y/n understood only every other word. Jesper and Matthias helped Kaz to put y/n on the dock and then helped him get out of the water. Kaz took off his gloves and his heavy coat. He put the latter over his girl’s body and he let her lean against his own body.

“Nina,” he barked, “I need you to take out those blades.”

“She lost too much blood, Kaz,”

“She will heal herself, pull them out,” he hissed, trying to bring y/n around. She was pale, but her lips still had their pinkish color. “Don’t die on me, y/n.”

“Matthias, give me a cloth, until she’s conscious she won’t be able to do anything with her power,” Nina ordered, kneeling beside y/n. “We need to stop the bleeding.”

When the Grisha pulled out the first knife, the wounded girl hissed through her teeth. “Do not move,” Kaz said, his voice calm, but everyone could hear a hint of relief. “You’ve lost so much blood.”

“You jumped after me,” she whispered, her words only loud enough for him to hear. “Kaz–,”

“Shh, love,” his eyes softened, but he didn’t dare to touch her. “I couldn’t have lost you the same way I’ve lost him.”

Y/n gasped, touching his palm.

“I didn’t know Kaz had feelings,” Nina commented, getting up. “We need to patch y/n up and then we can take our revenge, so you’d better heal fast.”

#crooked kingdom #six of crows #six of crows one shot #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader #shadow and bone #grishasworld #grishaverse #jesper fahey #kaz brekker one shot #nina zenik #soc inej #soc jesper #soc fanfic #kaz soc

659 notes · View notes

cyberstrm · 1 year

Text

weakness

show!kaz brekker x gn!crow!reader

cws: blood, gun violence, panic attack details. show!kaz brekker is definitely older than 18 i've decided. there is no way that man is 17. anyways. both kaz and reader are over 18.

everything in your head was muddled and foggy. the last thing you remember was you were on a job with the crows, and it was going well. you'd successfully performed your part, and thought you were in the clear. until an ambush, a lot of shouting and gunfire, and an agonising pain in your left thigh.

you jolted awake, three faces staring down at you in front of a damp, wooden ceiling.

"oh thank the saints, y/n. you had me worried there for a moment." nina sighed in relief as her hands fell to her sides. she'd clearly just been using her powers on you, which was unnerving.

you were breathing rapidly, too rapidly, and you sat up, still having said nothing. you couldn't. you were breathing too fast and your heart felt like it might explode. this was your first proper injury, and being shot with an actual gun had left you shaken and trembling, and the dull pain in your leg wasn't helping.

"y/n? y-you're okay now, you're safe-" jesper said kindly, reading out to touch your shoulder. you flinched and scrambled to your feet, swaying. the room felt like it was spinning. wylan, nina and jesper stood dumbfounded, unsure what to do. you backed into the wall and slid down, still unable to calm yourself, still trembling in fear. it was too much. it was all too much. tears were streaming down your face and you're breathing was still too quick.

someone entered the room, a cane tapping on the floor as they walked.

"are they awake?" he asked the room at large. no one said anything. "well?"

jesper looked over at you, shaking in the corner.

kaz looked at you, his expression unreadable.

"out." he said simply. when no one moved, he said it again, louder. "out!"

the three left, closing the door behind them. kaz limped towards you, and you knew what was coming. he was going to tell you you weren't cut out for this, and should go home. this only made you sob harder. this was your home now, these crows were your home.

kaz propped his cane against the wall and slowly knelt in front of you. you backed up against the wall further.

"it's okay." he said in an uncharacteristically soft voice. "i'm not going to touch you."

you calmed a bit, trying to ease your breathing.

"you're having a panic attack. you need to breathe." he said. his commanding voice got through to you and you felt your breathing slow.

"i-i'm sorry." you choked out. "i know you can't afford weakness on your team."

"you're right." he replied. "but you're only human. everyone panics after their first real injury."

"even you?"

kaz looked away, remembering his broken leg, and the pain that lasted from then until now, and the fear that spread through him for months after, making him feel weak and worthless. kaz was unsure why he felt so caring towards you at this meoment. maybe he saw a part of himself in you, or maybe it was the way his heart broke slightly after watching his y/n cry.

"yes. even me." he fumbled in his pocket for a moment, and drew out a blue, silk handkerchief. "may i?"

you nodded. his hand reached forward and he dabbed your cheeks, wiping away the tears. when he finished, he placed the handkerchief in your hand.

"you're not weak, y/n."

a silence fell over you two, but not an awkward one. just comfortable silence. kaz remained next to you, until you finally felt able to speak properly.

"thank you for staying with me." you said in a small voice. "what now?"

kaz thought for a moment. "a glass of whiskey. come on"

he stood up and held out a gloved hand to help you up. you wobbled slightly, but kaz's hand went to your waist and kept you steady, making your cheeks redden. kaz opened the door, where nina, wylan and jesper scrambled away from where they had clearly been listening.

"is y/n...?" jesper began timidly.

"they're fine. come on, we're getting drinks."

the five of you made you way downstairs to the bar, the silk handkerchief still clutched in your hand.

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x gn reader #x you #x y/n #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x you #six of crows #soc #six of crows x y/n #x reader #x gn reader #x gender neutral reader #shadow and bone #shadow and bone x reader #kaz brekker shadow and bone

624 notes · View notes

marsplastic13 · 1 month

Text

Rainy day

pairings: Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

Summary: When his girlfriend gets kidnapped during a mission he planned, Kaz thinks he can't screw up more than this, or maybe he can?

Tw: kidnapping, mentions of violence, unplaned pregnancy

It was a dark, rainy day in Ketterdam, and Kaz Brekker was annoyed. He was at his desk, Inej and his girlfriend were in front of him. "It's not safe Kaz" the girl was as annoyed as he was. "I planned this, you can do it" "Yes, you planned it in a rush, I say we take some more time to think about it" the boy turned to Inej "And you? What do you think?". Inej really didn't want to be dragged in her friends fight, so she took her time to reply " Well, yes, the planning was a bit rushed, but I think we could make it, I mean, we had worse odds" the other girl scoffed crossing her arms, and Ines mouthed her "sorry". "I'm the one going there, risking my life and I think it's not safe"."You're not in charge here" ha said banging his hand on the desk, and regretting it right after. He could see hurt and shock in her eyes. "Fine" she was on her feet "Wait, love" he tried to take her hand but she moved it right away from the desk "Let's go Inej" her voice was cold and filled with anger.

Kaz cleared his voice, watching as the girls approached the door "No mourners" ha said tentatively. Inej turned to respond but the other girl cut her off "Go to hell Kaz" and the door slammed behind them.Once alone, Kaz let out a sigh, looking at the rain outside. They would make up when the job was done. After years together, they always did. He would make a reservation in her favourite restaurant, maybe show up with a nice jewel.

Those thoughts were keeping him distracted from things he did not want to think about. Why was she so scared?After three hours, Kaz was starting to be scared too. He estimated two hours top for this job, where were they?

After four hours, he was losing his mind. The boy was about to go out himself to look for the girls, when Inej crawled in by the window. She was out of breath and soaked from the rain "What happened? Where is she?" "Kaz please sit down". He did not take the advice, his look darkend and his grip around the cane tightened even more "Inej..." The girl took a moment fidgeting with her hand "She's been taken, but I followed them, I know where she is". His mind started racing. He fucked up big time. Taken. Taken. Taken. His fault. There wasn't enough air in his lungs, he was going to drown. Inej took him back to reality forcing him on a chair an slapping him hard on the cheek. He felt the ground back under him.

"Thank you" he muttered. "This is not the time to panic, it's time to plan". And so, the rescue planning began.Three days. It took three days to get her out. Kaz didn't sleep, barely ate, cursing himself over and over. From the intel gathered by Inej, they didn't link the girl to the Dregs, so it was decided that Mathias, Jasper and Wylan would be the rescue team, Inej would be in the shadows ready to intervene if necessary and Nina and Kaz would wait at the Slat.

"Saints, can you stop playing with that thing?" Kaz sighed but didn't stop fridgeting with a lighter. Her lighter. It had never left his hands in those long days. "They'll come back any moment, relax" Nina was trying to calm him, as everyone did. He'd been more insufferable than usual, which was understandable, but they were all near to the limit.In the long night hours, all he could think were all the ways he was going to make them pay for taking her away from him.The noise of the door snatched him out of his thoughts. He and Nina rushed to the office's door, as Mathias and Jesper helped the girl that leaned heavily on them. She didn't look hurt. Safe. Safe. Safe. "Take her to the infirmary and come back to debrief, Nina, go check her". As everyone executed, the girl looked at him. She had dark circles under her eyes and she could barely stand "Kaz, please". He didn't look at her, just signaled the boys to go on and take her to Nina."How do you feel dear?" Nina was changing the cloth on her forehead. "Did I fell asleep?" She raised herself on her elbows. "You dozed off for a few hours" "Did he" she cleared her voice "Did he came?". Nina's face sweetened "No dear, I'm sorry". The girl threw herself back on the pillows. "I need to see a healer" the Grisha frowned "Am I not enough for you, miss? You look fine to me " "No Nina, you don't understand, I really need to see a proper healer" Personal or not, Nina looked quite offended "But I-" "Oh Saints" the girl took Nina's hand and put it on her lower belly. Her eyes widened "Oh" "Yeah, oh". After a moment of silence, Nina raised from the chair she positioned near the bed. "I'Il go to tell him to call a healer, but I won't tell him everything, don't worry. Try to eat a bit of broth, will you?".

She came back after a while, looking defeated. "He said that if you look fine to me there's no need to call for a healer, I'm sorry". The girl sighed "Help me up".Once in front of Kaz's office, the girl took a moment to compose herself. Despite still feeling weak, the urge to talk to him granted her enough strength to open the door. As she entered, all eyes turned towards her. The conversations about what to do those whe took her ceased abruptly when she and Nina appeared at the door. Kaz's eyes widened, but the rest of his face remained expressionless."I need a doctor," she stated firmly. Kaz couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze; guilt consumed him. He focused on her disheveled, dirty clothes—still the same ones from three days ago. She appeared fine given the circumstances, and Nina confirmed she had no critical wounds, so there was no apparent reason for her to see a doctor. "You look fine," Kaz said. The girl scoffed, incredulous at his response. Deep inside his mind, a little voice was telling him that if no doctor told she was hurt, then she wouldn't be, simple as that, why dig deeper?"I have to talk to you. Get out," she demanded, addressing everyone in the room. Kaz's crew, his crows, exchanged glances between him and the girl, following the conversation. Eventually, they began to move towards the door.Kaz couldn't bare the thought of staying alone with her in that moment, he wasn't ready to face her rage. "No one moves, you can talk in front of them" he declared, his tone unwavering. Nina audibly held her breath. "You're going to regret this", the girl warned, her voice softening. "Talk" Kaz commanded. "I'm pregnant". If up until that moment there was silence, from that moment on, there was even more. Everyone glanced around at the shocked expressions of the others, but no one dared to speak or move.Inej, always the wise one, was the first to take action; she quickly moved to the window, muttering that she was going to look for a doctor, casting a look of deep disappointment at Kaz. "We should go" suggested Wylan, and one by one they left the room. The boy offered a small smile to the girl while passing her, and the same did a slithly embarassed Matthias, while Jasper pulled her in a quick hug, whispering "Congrats, Mama" in her ear, making her laugh and blush.

The couple remained alone in the room, finally.Kaz's eyes were fixated on her, but it looked like he wasn't really seeing her. She moved towards him, perching on his desk, in front of him."How... how long?" he managed to utter. "I've known for a few weeks, it should be two months top" "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" "I... I wanted it to be a surprise, your birthday is in a few days, I figured I could've just wait some more" the idea that at that time sounded brilliant, in that moment was making her feel foolish. Kaz noticed the change in her voice and gently pulled her into his lap.Tracing her jaw with his golved hand, he delicately tilted her chin, meeting her gaze "I'm sorry about the mission, I should've listened to you" the girl scoffed, feeling the anger and fear slowly leaving her "Tell me something I don't know". A small smile formed on his lips "Are you feeling okay? Do you need anything?" "I think I'm okay, but I'll feel better after seeing a doctor". The boy nodded, "Inej said you didn't fought back like you're use to, that's why they were able to take you?". She sighed "Yeah, I was scared I was going to hurt the baby, and I figured those idiots didn't really knew what they were doing, so even be taken by them couldn't be a great menace. I mean, whose that stupid to kidnap your girlfriend?" "Don't worry they're going to find out pretty soon their mistake", he moved a strain of hair behing her ear. "How do you feel?" she asked. "I think I'm going to need a bit more time to realise", he replied as his mind began to race. "We need a house" the girl started. "A house" he repeated absently. "In a nice neighborhoud, with nice schools" "Schools" "And a University fund" "University" "And a dinosaur for the backyard, Kaz are you listening to me?" "Dino- what?" the boy got pulled out of his thoughts while the girl laughed. "I think the moment of realisation came sooner then I thought," embracing her tightly. "so two, months? Because I have vivid memories of Matthias birthday party, around two months ago". The girl looked at him like something clicked in her mind "Oh Saints, the party! I can't believe that now everyone will know exactly why we disappeared" she said blushing, "maybe we can call the baby Matthias if is a boy, you know, as a sign of peace after literally making it in their bed". Kaz raised his brows, prompting another laugh from the girl.

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker imagine #soc #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker x you #the crows

121 notes · View notes

thebadgerclan · 1 year

Text

Learn

Pairing: Jesper Fahey x reader x Wylan Van Eck

Summary: Wylan wants to learn how to pleasure you, and Jesper is more than happy to teach him...

Smut!

It was something that Wylan had fantasized about countless times, an image he’d gotten himself off to far more often than he’d ever admit aloud: touching you, making love to you, making you come. But his deepest fantasy had yet to play out for one crucial reason: Wylan had absolutely no idea how to pleasure a woman. You and Jesper were the first relationship he’d ever been in, the first love he’d ever felt. The three of you had gotten into some heated make-outs, but it had never progressed any further.

But Wylan wanted, oh how he wanted. He wanted to run his hands over your body, he wanted to bury his face between your thighs, he wanted to thrust into you while Jesper called him his good boy. The mere notion of doing so made Wylan achingly hard that he’d had to duck into the restroom and take care of himself so he could finish out the workday. It had been nearly impossible to keep his cool when he returned home, and when the three of you had drifted up to the bedroom for the evening, Wylan made his move.

He pulled you into his arms and kissed you deeply, having to go up on his tiptoes just slightly to reach you. You happily pulled your lover into you as you kissed him, never one to shy away from his affections. Jesper came up behind Wylan and snaked his arms around his waist, kissing the mercher’s neck. “Y/N,” Wylan sighed, reluctantly breaking the kiss. “Y/N, I want… I want…” “What do you want, baby?” “I want to make you feel good.”

A white-hot bolt of arousal shot through you, and you felt your face flush. “Really, baby? You’re ready?” You’d have taken Wylan to bed the second you met, but both you and Jesper hadn’t wanted to push him into anything he wasn’t completely ready for. But he was ready now. “I am, but…” “But what, sweetheart?” Jesper asked, still pressing open mouthed kisses to Wylan’s neck. “I don’t know what to do.”

The Zemini smirked, turning Wylan around so he was facing him. “That’s alright, baby boy,” he said, tenderly cupping his cheek. “I happen to be an excellent teacher. And Y/N’ll tell you what she likes.” Wylan nodded, and when he turned around, it was to find you seated on the bed, smiling at him. “I’m yours, baby,” you said, and your lover surged towards you, kissing you hard as he lifted the hem of your sleep shirt, pulling his lips from yours only to remove it.

You didn’t have a bra on, and Wylan sucked in a breath. “Ghezen, you’re beautiful,” he whispered, reaching for the waistband of your pants–a pair of Jesper’s sweats–next. Wylan hurried to strip himself, and once he was naked, he was kissing you again. Already you were breathless, dripping between your legs, and Jesper laid a hand on your shoulder. “Are you ready, my darlings?” he asked, and Wylan eagerly nodded.

“Good. Y/N, I want you to lie back, love.” You did as you were bade, reclining against the pillows, one of your lovers on either side of you. “Now baby, our Y/N is a sensitive little thing,” Jesper said, easing your legs apart. “So if you’re doing something she likes, you’ll know it.” “H-how will I know?” Wylan sounded so unsure, so shy, and your heart squeezed. “Like this. Y/N, may I?”

“Please,” was your breathless response, and your lover smiled, trailing a hand from your knee up your thigh. You spread your legs wider, hoping to entice your lover, and he smiled. “See how wet she is for us? For you, Wy?” “Me?” You reached for Wylan’s hand, squeezing it softly. “Yes, baby.” A flush creeped its way up the mercher’s neck, and Jesper continued. “She’ll never admit it, but Y/N likes being teased. Start out by rubbing her clit, not too hard, that might hurt, but not too light either.”

He demonstrated, running two fingers through your slit to gather your wetness. When Jesper pressed against your clit, rubbing slow, gentle circles, you let your head fall back, a breathy moan leaving your mouth. You heard Wylan’s breath catch, and you opened your eyes to find him watching with rapt attention, his cock hard and straining. “Keep doing this for a little while,” Jesper said, rubbing your clit faster. “You can speed up a little bit, but not too much, and right when it seems like she might come…”

“Jes!” you cried, and that was his cue. Your lover pulled his hand back, causing you to whine. “Why did you stop?” Wylan asked, and Jesper laughed. “Because hearing her pretty little moans is half the fun.” He then instructed Wylan how to finger you, how to find your g-spot, and what your tells were. “She’ll start squirming when she’s close,” he said. “Breathing a bit harder, her moans will get a little higher. So if you want to edge her, stop what you’re doing then.”

After several demonstrations, Jesper pressed a kiss to your forehead and sat back. “You’re not going to make her come?” Wylan asked, and Jesper shook his head. “No, baby, that’s all you tonight. But maybe give her a minute or so to calm down so she doesn’t come too quickly.” Wylan nodded, moving up the bed to kiss you. Lust coursed through your veins, and you pulled your lover closer, deepening the kiss.

“Wylan, touch me,” you breathed. “Please baby, touch me.” Wylan nodded, sitting back on his knees, looking at you with hungry eyes. Slowly, he brought a hand to your cunt, swiping two fingers through your wetness, just as Jesper had. When Wylan rubbed a slow circle on your clit, you bucked your hips and let out a strangled moan. “That’s good, baby,” Jesper praised. “Touch her just like that.”

Your lover was an apt student, copying Jesper’s motions almost exactly. But Wylan’s touch was different; his hands slenderer, his touch gentler, his motions still somewhat hesitant. But as you moaned his name, told him how good it felt, his confidence grew. Just as Jesper had said, your moans went up in pitch and you began panting, and Wylan retracted his hand, earning a dejected whine from you.

“Wylan,” you sighed, head lolling to the side. “Wylan, fuck, please don’t stop.” Where Jesper might have teased you, taunted you, Wylan pressed two fingers into your cunt, thrustung gently. Your back arched and you keened, a hand reaching for his wrist. “Fuck, Wy, oh shit!” Wylan had crooked his fingers, finding your g-spot and pressing into it almost effortlessly. “That’s it, Wy,” Jesper cooed, coming to kneel behind him, wrapping an arm around his waist and stroking his cock. “Keep touching here like that, good boy.”

Wylan’s moans joined yours, making the most beautiful chorus Jesper had ever heard. For several minutes yours and Wylan’s cries of pleasure, your praises filled the room, and soon, you felt your orgasm building. “Wylan,” you moaned, gently rolling your hips against his hand. “Wylan, please, right there, baby. Please, I’m so close. Don’t stop, please, right there.” Wylan did as you asked, keeping the rhythm and pressure of his fingers consistent, and a moment later, you shattered.

With a cry of his name, you came, back bowing, eyes rolling back in your head. Wylan felt a flush of pride, watching you fall apart on his hand; knowing you were feeling such pleasure and knowing it was him that had caused it. And when you let out a whimper, a soft, desperate plea of, “Wylan,” and when Jesper twisted his wrist just so, the mercher released, his head tipping back to rest on Jesper’s shoulder.

Jesper felt his cock throb in his sleep pants at the sight of his lovers moaning and writhing for each other. He eased Wylan to lie at your side before retreating to the bathroom, returning a moment later with warm washcloths to clean the two of you up. In the moment or so he’d been gone, you and Wylan had gravitated towards each other and were now tangled in each other’s embraces, foreheads touching, eyes shut.

“Alright, my loves,” he said. “Let me clean you up, then we can snuggle.” It was one of Jesper’s favorite things, putting you back together after thoroughly ravishing you, and now he got to offer that loving ritual to Wylan too. Both of you whimpered and protested, but Jesper managed to get the two of you clean, dressed, and tucked beneath the covers. Wylan had snuggled into your chest again, and Jesper curled around him from behind.

“Did I do good?” he asked, and you wondered how your heart could swell and break at the same time. Your sweet boy craved praise so much, craved validation, and lucky for him, you were more than happy to dole it out. “So good, baby,” you said, kissing his forehead. “You did so good, Wy.” “Yes, you did, sweetheart,” Jesper echoed, kissing his shoulder. “Our good boy.”

Wylan preened under your attention, letting out a contented hum. “I love you, Wylan,” you said, gently tugging him closer. “I love you too,” he mumbled, his post-orgasmic haze combined with yours and Jesper’s arms around him acting like a sedative. He soon drifted off, and Jesper reached for and took your hand. “And I love you, my sweet girl.” You smiled, squeezing his hand. “Love you too, Jes,” you replied, letting your eyes close and sleep claim you as well.

#poly!wesper #jesper fahey x reader x wylan van eck #jesper fahey x reader #jesper fahey x you #shadow and bone fanfiction #Wylan x Jesper #jesper x wylan #jesper fahey x wylan van eck #wesper #wylan van eck x reader #wylan van eck x you #shadow and bone reader insert

408 notes · View notes

toron0 · 1 year

Text

man I’ve seen a few posts now about wesper being an example of the hypersexualization of queerness and, idk, it sort of doesn’t sit right with me that showing a queer relationship as explicitly sexual is being called inherent hypersexualization? Like in general obviously queerness IS hypersexualized and that is an issue, but as a queer person it was such a lovely thing to have a show not just hint at a queer relationship, not just say ‘these two characters are together and you know that because we said so and maybe let them kiss once’, but allow a queer relationship to take up space and never shy away from making it clear that they ARE together and this IS a sexual relationship *as well as* a romantic one. One of my favourite things about the grishaverse is how queerness is just accepted without being talked about, like I don’t think there’s even one instance of homophobia at any point? And I love that we got to see this relationship on screen, it was such a balm to the soul to see queerness openly depicted and go unpunished. Yes, it’s not at all a slowburn, but it’s good in its own right, and there are definitely still things to explore that could create and maintain tension in the relationship (Wylan’s identity and back story is a big one, but the show also hasn’t gotten too deep into Jesper’s gambling yet, and I feel like they will they’re just saving it; plus the parem storyline could complicate Jesper’s relationship with his Grisha identity in new ways) so that they don’t become boring/irrelevant. It’s safe, it’s lovely, it’s so fucking tender it drives me insane (kit young’s physical acting - Jesper’s hands are so GENTLE with wylan it kills me every time they are so soft.) If you didn’t like it that’s completely fine! You’re allowed to dislike a piece of media lol. But many queer people - and don’t forget these are queer adults not teens - have sex, and it isn’t inherently fetishizing or hypersexualizing to let viewers know that. Esp in a show that explores sexuality in ALL it’s main relationships, the rest of which are between a man and a woman.

(On a slight side note I’d argue that wesper in the books aren’t actually a slow burn anyways, it just feels that way because it takes like one and two thirds of a book to get there, but the actual timeline from strangers to moving in together is like. 3 maybe 4 weeks tops, depending how long the boat journey back from the ice court took - and they didn’t even talk on that journey, just pined. Helnik is established first but they have like a year and a half of history at least, and Kanej have what, 2-3years of history? Wesper canonically speedruns a relationship too it just feels drawn out as readers bc the books themselves only cover 3-4 weeks of time.)

#I’m sorry but meeting as a ons and Jesper not remembering is so fucking funny to me #they’re adults and it felt very in character to me personally #but more importantly it’s just so fucking funny #they also did an amazing job with showing Wylan’s agency #which hopefully will help counteract some of the uwu baby cinnamon roll characterizations out there #and just generally the fandom tendency to infantilize wylan #here we have: two consenting adults #wesper #wylan van eck #Jesper fahey #grishaverse #six of crows #sab s2 #sab spoilers #sab s2 spoilers

634 notes · View notes

secretlovezz · 9 months

Note

omg can you elaborate more on the reader making kaz nervous?? like, she loves to tease and he gets so flustred but he secretly loves it?? tyy

I am so sorry this took for-fucking-ever and that it's so short I've been struggling to write 😭, but yes, of course, here's some more of the reader making Kaz nervous 🫶

Kaz Brekker knew he was a strong man. It took a lot to crack the barriers of someone like him and he was proud to say only a handful of people have ever gotten past the facade of his furrowed brows and down turned lips.

When he first met you he was shocked by your very public advancements towards him. You made him feel a certain way and he couldn't understand why. You weren't frightened of him and it was almost like you couldn't take him seriously; it thoroughly aggravated him.

He loathed the way you made him feel with your incessant teasing. It had a way of pulling on his heartstrings so tightly that it made him ache with a need he'd never felt before. Your ceaseless stare made him wriggle and twist in his seat with an almost delightful uneasiness; it made him clench the head of his cane so hard you swear you could hear the crackling of wood splintering.

Sometimes, you'd make a point of being dramatic about it just to piss him off. You'd lean your cheek against the palm of your hand and sigh dreamily as you stared into his bewitchingly darkened eyes. You'd sensually move your hand up his cane fingertips gently grazing over his gloved ones leaning in close behind him, so close to his ear he can feel your breath fan his face, can almost feel the cracked pink skin of your lips on the pale-ness of his skin whispering sweet nothings to him just so you could watch him shutter and let out a shaky breath.

He loathes everything about the way you act with him.

At least that's what he says out loud seemingly to convince himself because no matter the number of sighs that fall from his lips filled to the brim with faux annoyance, complaining on top of brazen remarks, and fiery glares you know deep down he finds everything you do enthralling.

You know thanks to the way he very obviously takes a deep breath as you sway and smirk your way past him -moving in a way that could distract any man if they were to even glance in your direction- savoring the way he can smell your perfume. The way he stares when you giggle in response to his dead-faced witty comebacks when in an irritating conversation with Jesper; that sound shakes him to his core every time he gets the pleasure of hearing it. You can see it in his face when he feels like his lungs give out and collapse from inside of him when you teasingly let out the most beautiful noise he's ever heard, the softest of moans while you stretch your arms above your head. Running his hand through his dark hair and clearing his suddenly congested throat in response.

One of your favorite times to tease him was when going over plans and strategies with everybody. You wanted everyone to lay their eyes on the cracking facade that was Kaz Brekker. The urge to get his heart racing so fast and hard Nina could hear it. You wanted him to twitch and shift so Inej and Jesper could quirk their brows in confusion at his sudden discomfort. Wylan and Mattias tilting their heads at him. It made you smile, the effect you had on him, the way others noticed.

You'd even started taking extra things when on a heist (the others had noticed this too). Picking up amazingly shiny little jewels, ruby-encrusted rings, golden necklaces, anything you with your crow-like nature could pick up for the man you wanted. When said things ended up in a bag on the boss's desk (usually with little notes alongside them) he knew they were from you and you knew his cheeks heated at the gesture without even having to look at him open the gifts.

He swears your smile is the biggest he's ever seen when he wears what you get him. Maybe it was just the thought that he was wearing something that you had given to him or maybe you liked to see him wear things that were yours because it made you feel like he was yours. Yours in a way he's never belonged to anyone. (He liked to think he was yours too once he had some time alone not that he would ever admit to that). Kaz wanting you is why he gave hints as to how much he liked the way you treated him. Sure he said rude things every once in a while but the smirks -becoming more like real smiles- made the passive-aggressive comments worth it. The glances at your lips then quick scoff in disbelief when you spoke in your usual persiflage manner made you stop to bite your lip at his flushed ears the tips red as cherries.

Kaz Brekker had known he was a strong man but you knew you had made him weak in every possible way a girl could.

#kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker #sorry if this isn't exactly what you wanted I was just trying to get some more kaz stuff posted 😭#I'll write more of reader teasing kaz eventually I promise lol

182 notes · View notes

futurecorps3 · 2 years

Note

May I request Kaz caring for sick!reader? ❤️

Masterlist <3 -Requests are still open! (For any character of the fandoms in my masterlist)

This is a concept that I absolutely adore. I'm using fem!reader and established relationship for this one !<3 I hope you like it. I'm terribly sorry for the long delay! (Yes, we're going to pretend I never left and that I'm not back after being gone for like five months)

𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐝𝐲

WARNINGS: Mentions of death, illness, trauma related to those two, stabbing, blood,

»»————-　𓄿　————-««

He thinks it's, frankly, pathetic. To anyone outside the crows, and even people from inside the slat knew Kaz Brekker was not a man victim of guilt. If anything, guilt was his servant and his bitch, to say the least.

But here he was.

Knowing for a fact Y/N coming down with the worst cold he had seen in... several years, was completely and entirely his fault all because he insisted she had to stay outside the building to make sure no Stadwatch officers came near in the last job they got done.

Her being the most capable fighter of them all was his excuse, but both of them knew he didn't want her to go inside to dive into the smell of rotting corpses and the sight of the death itself. Which she had no issues on causing, but a fresh corpse is way far from a decomposing one.

She understood the difference perfectly. Her past taught her that particular lesson. It wasn't different for him, but he'd only stay near the door while Jesper grabbed the blueprints from that rich asshole's corpse and then get out fast.

She was perfectly fine, keeping both eyes open for anything odd.

It then started raining.

A thing she loved since she had arrived in Ketterdam. There was a certain air brought by the combination of wet alleyways and the noisy streets of the East Stave that brought comfort to her. She said that to him in one of their late-night conversations. But you didn't need to be as clever as Kaz to know that Y/N wouldn't particularly enjoy it as she did inside the comfort her room brought, being outside with no shelter from the little droplets of water, that is.

"Saints, doll, you're drenched!" was the first thing that came out of Jesper's mouth when he saw her after getting out of the morgue. She was. "Did you get them?" was the only thing she answered, wrapping her arms around her shoulders and moving them up and down trying to keep warm, miserably failing.

It had stopped raining a few minutes ago, so the wind was especially colder and faster. Kaz muttered a small "Yes" as he handed the blueprints to Inej for a quick second, taking off his long black coat and draping it over his lover's shoulders. "Let's go, quick," he ordered, keeping Y/N close to him. As close as he could, anyway; their arms touching and pinkies linked as they walked through the city, with Inej guarding them from above.

Kaz knew he should've asked Nina to check her pulse and temperature before she left, or even better, ask her to part to Fjerda the next morning in case Y/N got ill no matter how the girl insisted her friend should leave as soon as possible so the flowers the crows sent for Matthias wouldn't die. Nina left that same night and Y/N started sneezing soon after.

"Would you like some tea? Mom used to add honey, ginger and garlic on it when I had a cold" Wylan offered, seeing his friend's state as his boyfriend, Kaz, and Y/N sat on the small loft in the third floor of the Slat "That'd be great, thank you Wylan" she said, trying to clear her itchy throat. With that, Wylan excited the room with Jesper following after him.

"Are you warm?" Kaz asked, sitting next to her on the couch, stretching his bad leg over the table, being careful he didn't knock over any of the items on it "Mhm" she hummed, tracing small shapes on his gloved hand in search for some comfort. Kaz pulled away immediately to take the leather item off and pulled his hand closer to her thigh so she could continue. She did, giggling softly.

"Did you feel alright earlier?" this time she was the one asking, knowing how uncomfortable the situation could've made him. "It was fine. I didn't touch... it. You know seeing them isn't as bad as-" "Yes" she nodded "What did he even die from?" "Bastard got stabbed and bled to death in an alley, it was just a matter of time for someone of the many people who hated him acted" "Or for you to get him" she smiled, making him smirk softly "Or for me to get him".

"You should go to bed," he suggested, peeking over to the kitchen briefly and seeing Wylan and Jesper playing around with the honey, "They're taking their time" he sighed. Y/n tried turning her head quickly towards the other couple but hissed right away, placing her hand on her head after feeling a sharp sting. Kaz looked at her with worry behind his usual seemingly emotionless eyes.

"I-it's okay. Wylan was really thoughtful when he offered making something warm for me. I'm waiting until it's done," she said, closing her eyes tightly, waiting for the pain to go away. He couldn't bear the sight. He knew it was just a cold, but Y/N was in pain and uncomfortable, and even though he rarely got any rest, he knew it made one feel better.

"Go rest, I'll bring it to your room" he insisted, getting up and helping her up on the way "What if I fall asleep an-" "That'd be great. We can heat it up in the morning. Now go." It almost sounded like an order. Right before she turned around to do as he said, she stopped in her tracks and looked at him once again.

"Thank you," she whispered, now actually turning around to leave.

Kaz watched as Y/N turned to the left and into the hallway that led to her room. After putting his gloves back on and taking his cane , which was resting on another one of the small couches around the area, he stepped into the kitchen, finding Wylan sitting on top of a counter with Jesper standing between his legs.

"How is she?" the Zemeni boy asked, a tint of worry in his tone "Her head started to hurt so I advised she'd go to bed for now, I'll get her the tea when it's done" he answered, leaving his cane propped up against a chair and combing his fingers trough his slightly wet hair "I'm sure this will help," Wylan said "it always did with me, anyway".

Silence took over the room. Not an uncomfortable silence, but not a comfortable one either. Kaz knew for a fact his friends would be all over each other if he wasn't present, but he felt the need to ask something. Something that Inej and Nina would giggle about if they weren't fast asleep or boarding a boat at the moment.

"How do you do it?" he questioned, looking directly at Wylan. "Do what?" "The tea" "Why?" Jesper interrupted, pertinent as ever. "In case this little family tradition makes her feel better... I'd like to make it for her". The silence was even louder now, one of astonishment too. Both men shared looks of confusion, as if they didn't hear him right, splitting in cheesy smiles when they realized they had, in fact, heard Mr. Dirty Hands clearly.

It was all broken by the loud whistle of the kettle, a sharp sound filling the room before Wylan hopped off the counter to turn it off. He carefully grabbed a mug and poured some tea in it, handing it to Kaz after. "I'll tell you when you come back, lover-boy" he smiled, making the raven haired boy roll his eyes as he was handed the cup.

He left his cane behind, exciting the kitchen once again. The tea smelt sickeningly sweet and had a powerful scent of garlic that made Kaz's nostrils and eyes itch a little as he was subtly looking down at it to make sure it didn't spill. He knocked twice, pausing briefly and then knocked two times again, all delicately as to not wake her up in case she was already asleep.

"Come in"

Her room was one of his favorite places in this world. Everything about it screamed Y/N. From the pile of unread books on the desk that left just enough space for her to write and paint to the neatly folded clothes that belonged to both of them. He had insisted he could make his own laundry, but she knew he'd never find the time to do so, and Y/N never really minded helping out.

She was sitting on the bed in her cotton nightgown, propped up against the headboard with the wind crashing on her face. Icy wind. Kaz left the tea on her bedside table, rushing over as fast as his leg allowed him to close the window and curtains. "No!" she whined like a little girl, almost making the man giggle. "It's the only thing keeping me sane. It's fresh." "It is not fresh, it's cold and you're sick," he argued, adjusting the blankets over his lover, careful not to touch her.

Y/N looked up at him in awe. Y/N knew her boyfriend would never in a million years admit to ever be bothered. Kaz Brekker had things in control. If someone was one step ahead, Kaz Brekker was three steps ahead. Kaz Brekker didn't know fear. Most times, she found that to be true, and she had certainly been surprised plenty of times by his mind. That's one of the things that made her fall for him. But she knew it was always different when it came to her.

He became a professional overthinker about her safety and comfort. He just wanted the best for his girl and tried hard to show it the way he could. It was quite adorable to see him worry like this, especially when she really was feeling sick.

Kaz noticed her stare on him after gently tucking her in. "What?" he asked, trying to stop himself from grinning like stupid. "I'm going to get you sick." "Nonsense dear, I never get sick" he smirks, taking off his gloves to caress her cheek. Y/N leaned into the contact before he felt him tense up briefly to then pull away. At first, she thought the contact might've been too much for him but then he said in a very much worried tone a small "You're burning up".

Kaz didn't like her being sick but he knew that if she'd been cold, the water would've risen to his chest and he'd be a helpless little boy all over again, because then it wouldn't've been his girl, the light of his life. That person would've been Jordie. And he was going to lose her. Just like he did with his brother. So he thanked her fever, selfishly.

The boy walked to the bathroom, and she could hear the distant sound of water running. Sleep was taking over her, but she had to stay awake to drink the tea, so she tried her best and this time, succeeded. A few seconds after, her boyfriend was back at her side, now sitting on the other side of the bed while squeezing off the excess of water from the drenching washcloth he brought with him in a small bowl-like plate.

"I'm cold" she hissed when he placed the cloth on her forehead, drying the very few droplets that glided down her temples. "You're fully covered. It's this or have you take a cold bath. You look ill". From the short distance between her face and his, she could see how Kaz's brows were slightly furrowed and his eyes held what looked like guilt.

"This is not your fault," she assured, seeing her boy's eyes look up to hers, his gaze softening at the words. "You couldn't've known it was going to rain, and you were also trying to protect me from seeing the bodies. I'll get better, I'll live"

"You better, love" he smirked, letting the room fall in a very comforting silence, his doubts dissipating instantly. Y/N knew how to make him feel better. She made him better.

After an hour of Kaz playing with her hair as she breathed in and out with her eyes closed but not sleeping, she drank the tea, refreshing her throat a little but not stopping the sting she had been feeling for a while now. When the washcloth dried up, the fever had gone down, Kaz touching her face to make sure himself. Truth is, these little details here and there are what helped him overcome his aversion little by little. There was a long way to go yet, but Y/N was sure he'd make it one day.

Y/N yawned loudly, and Kaz knew it was time for him to go. He didn't want to, though. "Get some sleep. If you need anything, knock twice on the wall" he ordered requested, placing the now empty cup on her nightstand. "Yeah," she responded, laying on her side and pulling the covers up to her nose. "And you should too" she mumbled, already slipping away to a deep slumber.

"Took three seconds" Kaz thought, smiling to himself as he put his gloves on. Y/N laid so peacefully, making the boy realize she was his favorite part of being alive. She had a heart that kept others strong. And all is well. He's okay, she's okay, the crows are okay and even though they live in madness city... it's all okay. He picked up the drenched clothes she discarded hours ago and took them with him, closing the door after blowing the candles that lit the room dimly.

Over the next days, Kaz managed to balance the time between planning their next heist and taking care of Y/N. Which meant endless cups of Wylan's tea made by him, changing the sheets with Inej's help, and opening the windows to her room when the weather allowed it. Thanks to Kaz and the crows' cares, she was back after three days. And she could swear on everything she held sacred she heard Kaz cough a couple of times during that week.

But he'd do it all over again just so she felt better, because she was the one and only thing he held sacred. And if her being well meant he'd have to deal with coughing and a runny nose, he would gladly take it.

888 notes · View notes

ell0ra-br3kk3r-writes · 3 months

Text

The Phoenix and the Crow

part thirty-two

pairing: kaz brekker x fem!reader

genre: neutral

el's thoughts: again, thank you for being so patient with meee!! from a writing aspect, i'm almost done with the series! and it's wilddd i'm currently finishing up chapter thirty-five and my heart hurts knowing that i'm kinda almost done..

masterlist

Y/N stared silently at Kaz while he watched Inej intently, his bitter coffee eyes glittering in the light from the dome.

Inej explained how the costumes would be their masks. How the Fjerdans would only see a Suli lynx and a Kaelish mare. Not people, not even really girls, just lovely objects to be collected.

“It’s a risk,” said Kaz.

“What job isn’t?”

“Kaz, how are you, Matthias and Y/N going to get through?” asked Nina. “We might need you for locks, and if things go bad on the island, I don’t want to be stranded. I doubt you can pass yourselves off as members of the houses.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem,” said Kaz. “Helvar’s been holding out on us.”

“Have you?” asked Y/N.

“It’s not-” Matthias dragged a hand over his cropped hair. “How do you know these things, demjin?” he growled at Kaz.

“Logic. The whole Ice Court is a masterpiece of fail-safes and doubled systems. That glass bridge is impressive, but in an emergency, there would have to be another way to get reinforcements to the White Island and get the royal family out.”

Y/N and Jesper shared a smirk at the sight of Matthias’ baffled expression.

“Yes,” said Matthias in exasperation. “There’s another way to the White Island. But it’s messy.” He glanced at Nina. “And it certainly can’t be done in a gown.”

“Hold on,” Jesper interrupter. “Who cares if you can all get onto the White Island? Let’s say Nina sparkles Yul-Bayur’s location out of some Fjerdan higher-up, and you get him back here. We’ll be trapped/ By then, the prison guards will have completed their search and are going to know seven inmates got out of the sector somehow. Any chance we have of making it through the embassy gates and the checkpoints will be gone.”

Kaz peered past the dome to the embassy’s open courtyard and the ringwall gatehouse beyond.

“Wylan, how hard would it be to disable one of these gates?”

“To get it open?”

“No, to keep it closed.”

“You mean break it?” Wylan shrugged. “I don’t think it would be too difficult. I couldn’t see the mechanism when we entered the prison gate, but from the layout, I’m guessing it’s pretty standard.”

“Pulleys, cogs, some really big screws?”

“Well, yes, and a sizable winch. The cables wrap around it like a big spool, and the guards just turn it with some kind of handle or wheel.”

“I know how a winch works. Can you take one apart?”

“I think so, but it’s the alarm system the cables are attached to that’s complicated. I doubt I could do it without triggering Black Protocol.”

“Good,” said Kaz. “Then that’s what we’ll do.”

Jesper held up a hand. “I’m sorry, isn’t Black Protocol the thing we want to avoid at all costs?”

“I do seem to remember something about certain doom,” said Nina.

“Not if we use it against them.” Y/N spoke up causing Kaz to give her a nod. “Tonight, most of the Court’s security is concentrated on the White Island and right here at the embassy. When Black Protocol sounds, the glass bridge will shut down, trapping all those guards on the island along with the guests.”

“But what about Matthias’ rout off the island?” asked Nina.

“They can’t move a major force that way,” Matthias conceded. “At least not quickly.”

Kaz gazed out at the White Island, head filter, eyes slightly unfocused.

“Scheming face,” Inej murmured.

Y/N nodded. “Definitely.”

“Three gates in the ringwall,” Kaz said. “The prison gate is already locked up tight because of Yellow Protocol. The embassy gate is a bottle neck crammed with guests—the Fjerdans aren’t going to get the troops through there. Jesper, that just leaves the gate in the druskelle sector for you and Wylan to handle. You use it to engage Black Protocol, then wreck it. Break it badly enough that any guards who manage to mobilize can’t get out to follow us.”

“I’m all for locking the Fjerdans in their own fortress,” said Jesper. “Truly. But how do we get out? Once we trigger Black Protocol, you guys will be trapped on that island, and we’ll be trapped in the outer circle. We have no weapons and no demo materials.”

Kaz’s grin was sharp as a razor. “Thank goodness we’re proper thieves. We’re going to do a little shopping—and it’s all going on Fjerda’s tab.”

Y/N looked at her strange crew, barefoot and shivering in their soot-stained prison uniforms, their features limned by the golden light of the dome, softened by the mist that hung in the air.

What bound them together? Greed? Desperation? Was it just the knowledge that if one or all of them disappeared tonight, no one would come looking? Maybe Nikolai would send a few troops to search but that was out of duty. Y/N had no one to shed a tear and mourn her life. She had no family, no parents, no siblings, only people to fight beside. And she knew that was always something to be grateful for, too.

It was Jesper who spoke first. “No mourners,” he said with a grin.

“No funerals,” they replied in unison. Even Matthias muttered the words softly.

“If any of you survive, make sure I have an open casket,” Jesper said as he hefted two slender could of rope over his shoulder and signaled for Wylan to follow him across the roof. “The world deserves a few more moments with this face.”

Y/N was only slightly surprised to see the intensity of the look that passed between Matthias and Nina. Something had changed between them after the battle with the Shu, but she couldn’t be sure what.

Matthias cleared his throat and gave Nina an awkward little bow. “A word?” he asked.

Nina returned the bow with considerably more panache, and let him lead her away.

Inej gave the inferni a soft smile and slipped the recognizable pair of black leather gloves into her hands. The Suli nodded towards Kaz and slipped away to wait for Nina.

Y/N turned to face him and walked to his side.

“I have something for you,” she said as she held out his gloves.

He stared at them. “How-”

“I got them from the discarded clothes and gave them to Inej before she made the climb.”

He pulled the gloves on slowly, and she watched his pale, vulnerable hands disappear beneath the leather. They were trickster hands—long, graceful fingers made for prying open locks, hiding coins, making things vanish.

“When we get back to Ketterdam, I’m heading back to Ravka right away.”

He looked away. “You should. You’re too good for the Barrel anyway.”

She hummed and closed her eyes tightly in frustration. She didn’t know what she expected from him but she wanted more.

He reached down to hold her wrist. “Y/N.” His gloved thumb moved over her pulse, tracing the top of a burn scar she got when she miss caught her first flame. “If we don’t make it out, I want you to know … ”

She waited. She felt hope rustling its wings inside her, ready to take flight at the right words from Kaz. She willed that hope into stillness. Those words would never come. Hope is dangerous.

She reached up and touched his cheek. She thought he might flinch again, even pull away from her. He let her hand cup his cheek. His skin was cool and damp from the rain. He stayed still, just barely leaning closer to her warm touch.

“If we don’t survive this night, I will die unafraid, Kaz. Can you say the same?”

His eyes were nearly black, the pupils dilated. She could see his dazed gaze focus back onto her, still not pulling away. She knew it was the best he could offer at the moment and she nodded softly.

She dropped her hand. He took a deep breath.

Kaz had said he didn’t want her prayers and she wouldn’t speak them, but she wished his safe and sane nonetheless.

Matthias stood a few feet away from the pair, grabbing the Inferni’s attention.

“Let’s go, Kaz.”

~*~

taglist: @katherinereid @littlecat21 @jahayla-parker @maliciousbrekker @brekkershadowsinger @brekkers-desigirl @clunaes @wonderland2425 @bookloverfilmoholic @karensirkobabes @bookworm-center @el-de-phi @so-get-this-sammy @skittleabyss @crispy-croke @cometsghost @auttumnsayshi

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x you #six of crows #six of crows x reader #six of crows imagines #ellora.writes

43 notes · View notes

jahayla-parker · 2 years

Note

For our favorite bastard, Kaz Brekker.

A reader with a touch aversion of her own, Kaz is just fascinated and is slowly falling for her, however, he tries to hide it but everyone sees except the reader.

Emotional Intimacy: Kaz Brekker x Reader

Description: 9.7k wc, y/n and Kaz both have touch aversions, meanwhile they’re pinning for each other

Warnings: SoC typical triggers/topics, PTSD, touch aversion, violence

“Jesper don’t get distracted by the tables” Kaz warned after giving Jesper his assignment for the upcoming heist.

Jesper sighed but rolled his eyes, “I can control myself”.

“That is up to interpretation” Kaz remarked, causing y/n to bite her lip as a small squeak of a giggle escaped her mouth.

Kaz looked her way and nodded once, “moving on, y/n you will be handling Dante Winslow. Keep him distracted and away from Jesper, Inej, and Nina while they locate the chest.”

Once y/n nods her head in understanding, Kaz faces the others.

“How are you going to distract Winslow hmm?” Jesper teases, earning a glare from Kaz at the distraction.

Y/n shakes her head and laughs quietly, understanding his weak innuendo but still finding humor in the wiggling of his eyebrows.

However as Jesper keeps making remarks under his breath, the girl forces the laughter in a nervous manner.

She no longer found it funny, in fact she was worried that Kaz’s plan would rely on something related to Jesper’s jokes.

How was she to distract this man?

Surely she’d have to at least touch him.

The thought made her chest cave in towards her spine, her gloved hands gripping the chair.

“Enough of that Jesper” Kaz says, making Jesper’s eyebrows immediately stop moving as if Kaz’s voice had the power to stop them itself.

Jesper smirked at Kaz’s protective and jealous response.

“The rest of you will be with me at his daughter Constiana’s house, where the jewels should be” Kaz notes, watching their reactions closely as he always does.

“Wylan will get us in. Time is crucial on this, we won’t waste it picking the lock” Kaz explained, although no one was sure why.

Kaz never explained anything, so why now?

The hesitant look on the other crows’ faces suggested they wondered the same thing.

“Matthias, you’re in charge of moving her bed out of the way. The latch to the basement, where the jewels are, is said to be under the bed” Kaz says, rolling his eyes as Nina smirks and whispers something in his ear.

He assumes he does not want, nor need, to hear what the comment was.

“And Ms. Winslow won’t hear my explosives as we enter?” Wylan asks once he notices Kaz has finished assignments.

“Constiana herself should be at the party in her fathers manor, and so long as her father doesn’t see anything as being off, we’ll be fine” Kaz says, facing y/n.

Y/n sinks lower in her seat unconsciously.

To be fair, it was a minimal slouch, not easily perceivable to anyone other than Kaz.

Kaz raises an eyebrow as he watches her closely, “y/n? Are you paying attention?”

Y/n swallows and nods an excessive amount of times, only making Kaz’s eyebrow arch closer to his hairline.

“Relax y/n/n, you’ve got this!” Jesper smirks, “just a little suggestive hand holding or running your hands down his chest and with how hot you are, he’s bound to forget any worries”.

She knows he’s trying to help and is giving her a compliment but all she can do is nod.

No one is quite sure if the nod is in response to Jesper’s suggestion or Kaz’s question, having come too delayed to respond to either in a normal manner.

“Are we done?” Y/n asks.

Kaz’s eyes leave her frame for a split second as he reviews his notes and blueprints.

“Yes, we’re done. Go to your rooms, we leave at two bells after” he commands, watching as his crows stand.

He notices the way in which y/n is not only the first to stand, but also the first to leave, being in such a haste that she beats Jesper.

Kaz registers that as both impressive and odd.

Especially given Jesper had been given a credit for the tables tonight to ensure he got it out of his system prior to the heist.

He’s not sure why he grabs his cane and exits his room behind the crows.

He’s already completed his rounds for the night, established and notified the chain of command for when he’s gone for this heist, and just finished explaining the plan to those involved.

So, the entire walk down the hall, he questions why he has this feeling like there’s something he still has to do.

It’s not until he reaches y/n’s door, his fist already mere inches from touching it to knock, when he notices where he was heading and what he was doing.

If he’s at y/n’s door, it must mean the concerns he had during the meeting weren’t as pushed out of his mind as he thought.

Which must mean he’s either there to check on her or to ensure she’s not going to ruin his plan.

Surely it must be the second one, Kaz concludes.

He knocks on the door, heading a scoff and groan come from the other side.

“I figured you’d be here to yell at me. About time” y/n complained, opening the door to let him in.

“How did you know it was me?” Kaz asks.

She raises her eyebrows at him, nodding towards his cane, “it has a very unique sound Kaz. You know that”.

He nodded, “does it scare you?”

She laughs sarcastically, walking to sit on her bed, “no, why would it? Are you planning on beating me with it over me finding Jesper humorous earlier?”

Kaz glares at her as his heart spasms for a reason he cannot determine, “no. Why would you think I would? Is it me?”

Y/n pulls her hair back into a tight ponytail, ensuring she’s got each wisp tucked neatly away.

A method of feeling in control of her body.

“I don’t Kaz, it was a joke. That would have been a bit of an overreaction no? And, is what you?” She asks, her gloved hands dropping to her lap.

Kaz takes a hesitant step forward, uncertain how she’ll respond.

“What you’re afraid of” Kaz says, “is it me?”

Y/n pauses for a moment, Kaz taking it as his signal to stop approaching her.

“No Kaz, it’s not you” she says quietly.

She watches as Kaz stares at her silently, as if trying to analyze if she is being truthful or not.

“No need to think so highly of yourself Kaz” she scoffs, “besides, such abuse won’t work on me”.

Kaz nods, “I know. I’ve seen you willingly be around Jesper when he was trying out his back up revolvers. Unlike the other crows, you hadn’tstepped away to increase your distance from him”.

While at first she’s surprised he noticed something like that, she quickly reminds herself that it’s his job to do so.

“If I recall, you were with the others yourself Kaz” y/n smirked, changing the subject.

“Clearly you’re not afraid of sharp objects given your specialty” Kaz continues, slowly getting closer again, “I’ve also seen how you have no problem helping Wylan assemble his explosives”.

Y/n nodded once and shrugged, “your point?”

Sighing, Kaz allowed himself to sit in the chair several feet from her bed, “everyone is scared by something”.

“And you Kaz?” She argued, “if you so desperately need to know mine, I demand to know your’s”.

Although, she has a feeling she knew.

She felt she knew as soon as she met him and saw his gloved hands and the way he suddenly began sweating when a man (she later learned was a guard for the crows’ mark on that mission) he’d struck grabbed at Kaz’s neck as he stumbled to the ground.

Kaz glared at her from his spot on her chair, “I don’t take orders”.

“That’s fine, but neither do I. I am here on the basis that while I trust your plans, I will not be controlled by anyone. If that arrangement has changed or is no longer an option, I’d advise you let me know” y/n defends, her argumentative and self-protective traits increasing in her attempt to defend herself from his questioning and the panic over the idea of being under someone’s control again.

“It has not” Kaz answers, resting his cane across his lap.

“Good. However, that begs the question… I don’t recall asking you to question me on my fears, nor part of our partnership of me being one of your crows, making answering such questions a requirement” She retorts, standing up to walk to her dresser to begin getting ready.

“I never said it was” he sighs.

“So what? You just expected me to blurt it out to you if you asked?” Y/n laughed.

And while the laughter was directed at him, and the angst that came with her insinuation that she considered that idea ludicrous, he couldn’t help but feel more tranquil.

Her genuine laughter had always been a source of calm for Kaz, and it seemed this was no different.

Although, her smile, not the forced one she often had to use, or the faint one she offered her friends that Kaz assumed to be sincere but still didn’t touch her eyes, was also a source of calm for him.

And he’d much rather her smile than laugh at him, especially over his hope that she’d open up to him.

After all, that’s what it was, right?

He knew she wouldn’t answer, in fact he was pleased she didn’t.

While he wouldn’t, others certainly would love to use that fear to their advantage.

But that didn’t mean he hadn’t hoped she’d tell him. Maybe he could help.

Instead of thinking about and analyzing why exactly he wanted to help, he opted for the first believable explanation he could think of, it was important to the succession of their heist.

If he could help with her fear, there’d be less barriers or risks for their heists.

However, what that explanation failed to account for was that neither y/n nor her secret fear(s) had ever jeopardized a mission in a way Kaz found distinguishable from that of general bad luck.

Yet, he chose to go with that explanation while also ignoring her question.

“You said the reason you accepted becoming a crow was because you trusted my plans” Kaz points out.

“I did. It is” she said, laughing softly, “no, my fear is not that I made the wrong choice or that I suddenly fear you cannot for a good plan Kaz”.

He nodded calmly, “pleased to hear that. Nevertheless, you questioned my plan today”.

“I do not recall doing so. Perhaps I need sleep if I can’t even remember doing that” she laughed weakly, Kaz noting how fake and forced it was, “if you’re so worried I am doubting you, maybe it is best I stay here and sleep. Letting inej take my place”.

Kaz opened his mouth to argue but noticed how her hands shook as she removed her gloves and attempted to switch earrings to the ones they got for today.

He understood the need to remove the gloves she always wore, he himself had to remove them occasionally as it made it hard for him to manage tiny objects.

However, he wasn’t sure why her hands shook.

Maybe she wasn’t eating enough, or was really tired after all.

As she switched to the other ear, concern overtook Kaz’s mind once again.

For, he realized the shaking didn’t start until she touched her earlobe.

In fact, she barely brushed her fingertip over it as she pushed the earring in, her hand flinching away right after.

He might’ve normally brushed it off as odd but not noteworthy had he not been as concerned as he was tonight.

The concern heightened his attention to detail and allowed him to see how controlled she was.

She even had her flinching hidden decently, and should someone not be paying as close attention as he was tonight, or not have understood what it was like to not hate the feeling of skin on skin contact, they likely wouldn’t have noticed.

He knew it meant she’d been facing this burden for awhile.

He so desperately wanted to push these thoughts away.

The feelings of concern for her, even before understanding what was going on.

The fact his concern only grew when he did.

The fact he wished he could fix it for.

The voice that reminded him how idiotic that was since he too was broken.

How could he help her if he couldn’t help himself?

And why did he want to?

The earlier explanation, or rather excuse as he now realized it to be, no longer was reasonable to him.

It couldn’t be about the heists or the crows’ success.

If it was, he wouldn’t have been as successful this entire time himself.

Plus, he was a prime example of how little it mattered when one could simply apply gloves and cover every inch of their body so it wasn’t possible to be triggered.

“Is that what you would like?” He asked, offering a minuscule curl of his lips to reassure her when she widened her eyes and spun to face him.

“Would you like to stay behind tonight and have Inej take your position?” Kaz elaborated to clarify his question.

“Nina would likely be a better replacement in that department” y/n said, her voice showing her appreciation despite her best attempts to sound strong and unaffected.

Kaz nodded and stood, placing the bottom of his cane back on her floor.

“Nina it is” Kaz stated, turning to exit.

“Wait, Kaz?” Y/n asked, hating herself seconds later.

He turned and nodded, signaling her to continue.

She hated the look in his eyes, feeling it suggested she was weak.

So instead of thanking him as she planned, she pointed to her ears.

“Won’t she need these?” Y/n asked.

Kaz seemed to scowl at the idea and shook his head, “she’ll manage”.

“But weren’t they purchased for the sake of tonight?” She pressed, hoping it covered her hesitation to remove them for fear of having to again touch her own skin without gloves.

“That is irrelevant. Do with them as you wish “ he advised.

She slowly nodded, “okay”.

“Is that all?” He asked.

She knew she should still thank him, even if he pitied her.

His pity seemed ironic since she was sure he had the same struggle.

But thanking him for this act or calling him out on why he of all people shouldn’t pity her meant she’d be exposing her fear.

She couldn’t do that.

She knew it could easily be manipulated, which in some way was an even bigger fear.

She doubted Kaz would do that, especially as at least some part of him had to understand how cruel that would be.

Plus, despite her best attempts not to, she often found herself realizing ways in which Kaz was not as harsh and unkind as people made him out to be.

However much he tried to make himself out to be.

But she couldn’t risk him knowing her fear and how much it impacted her.

He was too confident in himself but untrusting of others.

So while he may deal with the same problem, it seemed plausible he’d see her as a liability about to explode like one of Wylan’s explosives while not seeing himself in the same light.

Knowing she had not said anything to answer him, she spoke up, “and you want me to stay behind?”

“Is that not what you requested?” He asked, tilting his head to the left slightly as he watched her, “to stay behind in order to catch up on sleep?”

She was glad to not have the role she earlier had, but she also didn’t want him to see her as weak even if she’d been the one to suggest she needed sleep.

Plus, she didn’t want to miss out just because she couldn’t physically touch the person.

She bit her lip, “I mean, I’m strong, I can push through”.

She failed to come up with an excuse as to why she could and should still go but in a different way.

“I never said you weren’t y/n” he remarks, “I know you can. I wouldn’t have offered to have you become a crow if I thought otherwise”.

She smiles a small but genuine smile upon concluding he was being honest.

“Is this your way of stating you intend to still attend the heist?” Kaz asks.

“Am I allowed to?” She responds quietly.

Kaz smirks and raises his eyebrow at her, “allowed? I recall our, partnership as you put it, prohibiting such”.

She laughed and shook her head as Kaz’s lips curled slightly, “I suppose I’m used to you disregarding anyone’s suggestions towards your plans”.

Kaz raised his eyebrow again, “I’ve done that to you, have I?”

Y/n paused for a moment before shaking her head, “my apologies Kaz”.

Kaz offered her a teasing yet, somewhat soft, smirk, “I wasn’t asking for an apology y/n. I simply needed to ensure you were aware I would not do that”.

Her lips part ever so slightly as she takes in a deeper than normal breath of air in shock at his statement.

“I…” y/n clears her throat, “In that case, yes. But I still believe it would be best for Nina to attend in my place”.

If she hadn’t known him long enough, y/n would’ve thought Kaz’s smirk was nearly turning into a smile.

He nods once at her before again turning to leave.

She knows she should leave it at that, after all she got what she wanted.

And, he swore he hadn’t thought she was being weak even if she’d wanted to stay behind.

So, she wasn’t sure why she spoke up before he could exit the room, but she did.

“Kaz” she said, waiting until he paused his departure for her to continue.

“It’s just that… well Nina is better at the whole distraction by flirting thing” y/n says, sliding her gloves back on, “and, I… think… while I can push through without compromising the plan, I’m not a great dancer as is and … while being tired I might trip up even more and irritate Winslow”.

It was a blatant lie, an attempt to cover up her fear, and Kaz knew that.

Yet, he nodded as if he believed her, “I understand. I too think it would be better this way”.

With that he left and went to gather the others to explain the change in plans, his mind already having concocted a back up option that ensured y/N’s touch aversion wouldn’t be triggered.

Y/n turned to her dresser, sliding her fingers back into the gloves before tugging the earrings out.

It was a lot easier to remove them than to put them in.

She normally had either no earrings or these plain ones that were rather easy to put in with gloves on, but she didn’t bother to put them back on.

It wasn’t that she couldn’t touch anywhere on her own body, just certain areas.

The face, and namely her neck, was a large trigger for her when it came to bare skin contact.

So much so that she’d sleep with the gloves on, tired of waking up to an anxiety attack from her bare hand accidentally brushing against her bare neck when tossing in the middle of the night.

Opting to not push her already high anxiety by putting other earrings turned out to be a good plan because it was mere seconds before Jesper was banging on her door, yelling that Kaz was holding a meeting.

Great, she hadn’t even considered him needing to explain the change of plans to everyone.

She took a deep breath, wrapped her signature scarf back around her neck and joined Jesper in the hall.

She listened silently as he muttered all the way to Kaz’s door about being taken from the gambling tables with a few kruge left.

“You could save it you know” y/n laughed as she opened the door.

“Where’s the fun in that?” Jesper sighed, popping down in a spare seat.

“In what?” Kaz asked sharply, glancing from Jesper to y/n, something akin to concern lingering behind his glaring eyes.

“Saving his remaining kruge” y/n explained, offering Kaz a kind smile although she hated the idea he was trying to protect her.

She didn’t need to be protected, especially from Jesper.

Maybe she should’ve just gone with his original plan, even if it caused her to want to scratch her way out of her mind and then curl into a ball until she was so small if she wanted to she could crawl inside of herself and sit in the very lungs that left her feeling like she was being burned and then buried alive.

Kaz’s glare fell and formed into a look of annoyance and judgment instead, something y/n was much more comfortable with.

Especially as she knew both were directly as Jesper, respectfully.

She knew it was only because while he’d never admit it, Kaz actually cared about Jesper and his gambling issues.

It was one of the things she admired about him.

She mentally shook her head, admired? She didn’t admire Kaz, right? Okay, maybe she admired things about him but not him, right? Certainly that was it she thought.

Besides, they were both averted by touch, it wouldn’t matter if she had admired him in that way.

“Anyways” Kaz’s voice boomed, quieting the side conversations among the crows.

“There’s been a change of plans” He stated simply.

Y/n wanted to slide down, out of her seat, and onto the floor, melting into the floorboards under his desk.

She was the cause for this, and they’d all see through the excuse she gave Kaz.

The girls had always been able to tell if she’d fallen behind on sleep.

When she’d miss some sleep, Nina could feel it and y/n wasn’t sure if Inej spied on her sleeping or could just see some change in y/n the others couldn’t.

The guys might not see through it as much, but it was still possible.

Especially because such a large deviation from the original plan usually required a more problematic concern that needed correcting.

Kaz noticed y/N’s stiffness in her seat as the crows started asking questions and he sighed.

Did she really think he’d just blurt out her fear?

Or that he’d not try and cover it better than she did tonight?

He knew what it was like to not want people to know, he would absolutely not be the one to expose her’s.

As such he’d already composed a lie to cover up the reason for the change.

He knew the lie would prompt teasing from Jesper and Nina later, but that was a burden he was willing to accept.

He wouldn’t accept y/n feeling out of place with the crows or otherwise fearful or triggered.

“Enough” he said, his gloved open hand slamming into the table making it echo.

“This change was vital” he said truthfully, “Nina, you will be the distraction tonight”.

As Nina’s eyes turned to y/n in question, before the others could also look at her, Kaz spoke up “no questions are allowed”.

“I’ve made this decision as y/n pointed out that Nina here is far more experienced in this task” He argued, “something I should’ve considered”.

In all honesty, he had considered it.

But he also considered the position to be the best for y/n prior to his knowledge of her touch aversion.

While he knew she was far more than capable of handling herself in nearly every situation that might arise.

So putting her with their biggest concern of the night made sense.

Another consideration was that while he knew this, he still had this desire to ensure her safety as much as he could.

He knew it was stupid to care so he often suppressed it as much as he could, but it showed itself, just in indirect ways.

Such as the plan had shown tonight.

He’d also wanted y/n with Winslow because he knew she was able to slash his throat in a split second if needed but she’d also be surrounded by guests.

Many of whom would have a problem with Winslow laying a hand on a girl.

So, if he’d suspected anything, not only could she defend herself if needed, but the crowd would serve as a deterrent, a safety measure as Kaz saw it, against Winslow retaliating on the culprit closest to him.

“As such, Nina can likely manage a longer distraction as well” he noted, “allowing y/n, Matthias and I to break into his daughter’s house unannounced”.

If he was being honest, this had been the original plan.

He’d only deviated for concern over y/N’s safety, hence why he wanted to have Wylan blow through the door rather than have y/n around Winslow long enough for Kaz to pick it.

“This will possibly grant us the chance to return for more items later if we’re lucky and all get away undetected” Kaz added, pleased with the grins he saw around the group.

He wasn’t lying about that, their hidden entrance and departure from the girl’s house and Winslow’s manor would leave them off anyone’s radar and allow them more opportunities later, and therefore more kruge .

Something he’d given up in his need to keep y/n in the safer spot for the night.

“Why wasn’t this the plan to start with?” Wylan bravely asked as Kaz waited for y/N’s face to show some kind of reaction to what he’d been saying.

“As I said, y/n pointed out some things tonight that made it more clear as to why this would be better” Kaz said, willingly accepting the fact that his crows might now have slightly less confidence in him.

Y/n tried to hide it but Kaz saw her eyes widen as she looked at him in shock before she gave him a grateful look and a small smile as to not have anyone notice their silent exchange.

Kaz pursed his lips and nodded before tilting the left corner of his lips upwards, “thank you y/n”.

She wasn’t sure what he was truly thanking her for.

She knew his thank you was genuine.

But while she wasn’t sure why he’d done it, she knew he hadn’t changed the whole plan so willingly just because she asked, right?

This was Kaz after all.

So that left the possibility of the thank you being for trusting him enough to show vulnerability even if she’d lied about the true cause of her vulnerability.

Or the possibility he was thanking her for telling him her fear despite her attempts not to.

She truly hopped it was anything but the second.

In reality, it was both, he’d appreciated her being vulnerable enough to admit she couldn’t do the role he assigned but he also now understood her fear which meant he could shield her from triggers now.

“Kaz?” y/n asked as they waited for Matthias to finish his lengthy goodbye sentiments with Nina before the group parted ways for the night.

“Yes y/n?” He asked, turning to look at her.

“Thank you. You didn’t need to cover for me” She said, shuffling her boots over the dirty ground.

“I know, but there was no need to tell them “ he said quietly.

She nodded and smiled at him, “okay. Thank you again”, feeling she’d uncovered another softer side to Kaz.

One that cared for her, and while she still resisted the feelings she felt towards him, she couldn’t help but smile at the implications of his concern.

“Y/n, you don’t need to thank me,” Kaz sighed, “not for doing my job”.

She sighed and nodded, her smile leaving her face.

She should’ve known, of course that was all it was to him.

She’d thought maybe he’d returned her feelings towards film, likely as reluctant as she was.

But she should’ve realized it was merely a measure to ensure the job went well.

That’s all she was to him, a tool he needed to ensure worked properly.

What she read as concern and care for her bad simply been Kaz performing maintenance on said tool.

“I don’t get a goodbye?” Jesper teased just as Kaz opened his mouth to respond upon seeing her smile fall due to his comment.

“Shut up Jes “ y/n laughed.

“Nope, come here” Jesper argued, going to pull her in for a hug.

Kaz’s cane struck down harshly between them, “get moving Jesper”.

Jesper rolled his eyes, “It’s just one hug”.

Kaz glared pointedly at him, “You’re already behind schedule”.

Jesper groaned and waved, shouting “no mourners” as he ran to his group.

“No funerals” y/n called back, earning a sly wink from him.

Did Kaz know?

He had to, why else would he have been so rash with Jesper like that?

“Kaz, we’re not behind schedule” y/n pointed out, looking at clock tower.

While she pleased to not have to fight her nausea and breathlessness again tonight, she needed to know if he had figured it out.

“We would have been” he remarked, starting to walk to their destination.

It was a lie, they both knew it, but neither said anything else.

——

“Did we account for this?” Y/n asks, noticing the neighbors of their target were spread throughout the street.

“They were to be at the party “ Kaz mumbled, his eyes staring into space as he breaks down each plan mentally to find the next best option given the changes today.

“What was plan b?” She asks, having a gut feeling she now knows why Nina was in this position.

“Does not matter” he remarks, earning a groan from Matthias.

“The hell it does, if we enter now as is we will be spotted and arrested or killed. Clearly you had a plan B what was it?” Matthias asks.

“A distraction” Kaz explains, glancing up at y/n when he feels her eyes burning into him.

She swallows thickly and nods, making Kaz’s eyes focus towards the center instead of his distant stare moments ago, as he silently questions what she’s doing.

“So plan b it is, what does that entail?” Wylan responds, looking around.

“Nina” y/n chokes out despite trying to sound self assure, “either another plague or other false panic I assume “.

Kaz nods his head once, looking around as he still calculates their next best steps.

“I could make a distraction a few stress over and meet you back at the slat “ Wylan suggests.

Kaz seems to ponder that thought but it’s clear it’s not the best option, and y/n knows why.

Especially if there should be some barrier to the jewels that requires an explosive force to penetrate or if they end up leaving something that poses a risk of being discovered -where Wylan’s skills would cover it as a fire rather than any trace tying the crows to the scene.

“No” y/n speaks up, causing Kaz’s eyes to snap to her with deep confusion and something akin to frustration or anger.

She realizes she’s the reason they’re in this situation, if Nina and her hadn’t switched they would’ve proceeded with plan b.

“I agree with y/n” Matthias says, “she and Nina changed, so since the demjin always has another plan, it would make sense to have y/n cause the distraction here”.

“Absolutely not” Kaz growled, glaring at him.

“I do not want to hear it Fjerdan” he adds when Matthias raises his eyebrow at him and began to argue.

“Y/n can handle it, right?” Matthias asked, raising his to pat her back.

"If you so much as lay a finger on her, I will break each finger, before dislocating them and then have Inej remove them effortlessly, so that you will never be able to again" Kaz threatened.

“He’s right” She spoke, voice shaking slightly.

Both Kaz and Matthias stopped their exchange of glares to face her, unsure who she was agreeing with.

“Who?” Wylan asks with a faint laugh, when neither guy responds and y/n hasn’t answered their unspoken question.

She swallows the bile in her chest and throat at the thought, “Matthias. It needs to be me. I -“.

“No” Kaz barked, glaring at her with one eyebrow raised in question.

“Kaz, I’m th-“ she argued, but her nerves were evident to him.

“I said no” Kaz responded, giving her an intense look that said he was not up for discussion, “we will not be doing that “.

She realized he had to know, why else was he doing this?

“Demjin” Matthias muttered under his breath.

Y/n glanced at Kaz in question but he simply shook his head and pursed his lips.

“So now what?” Wylan cuts in.

Y/n looks to Kaz who is still processing what to do.

He always had back up plans, but things had changed so much and gone against his plan that he was now trying to think of a course in which he not y/n had to touch anyone.

Y/n looked over to the neighbors as they’d gathered to discuss something as they stood around in a circle.

She took a deep but shaky breath and walked in that direction.

“Y/n” Kaz hissed, hoping to stop her verbally.

He was in his gloves as always but he didn’t know if that changed anything for her.

She shook her head, not looking back, “just be quick Kaz”.

—-

She walked to the closest man, tapping his shoulder as she pretended her legs were wobbly.

Fortunately she had her hands gloved as well, but that would only get her so far.

The man turned and smiled at her until he saw her fake swaying.

“Oh here ma’am, let me help you” he offered, causing the group to turn and face her.

She closed her eyes to try and ignore the revolting nausea and anxiety his grip on her arm caused.

She chanced a gaze to Kaz to signal now was the time and she noticed he already had the door open and unlocked, the others inside as he watched and waited for her.

She let out a sigh and stood up, parting herself from the man, “much better now. Thank you sir “.

“Perhaps I could-“ he began, putting his hand back on her arm but she shook her head to stop him from talking and tried to remove his hand.

“That won’t be necessary” Kaz’s voice boomed, suddenly next to her, “sir. Now I ask you remove your hand from my partner’s arm yes?”

Everyone knew Kaz was not asking.

But his choice of wording was interesting.

They were partners but not the way Kaz was trying to make it seem.

The man nodded once and promptly withdrew his arm.

Y/n nearly collapsed in relief.

Kaz nodded his head in their opposite direction, sending the guy off.

He turned to look at y/n, his eyes filled with concern and frustration.

“Thank you. Let’s continue shall we?“ she asked, not wanting him to read into the behavior.

——

“It’s a trap” y/n gasped, as they read over the notes they found in the daughter’s house.

Kaz muttered something, nearly crumpling the paper in his hand.

Even he hadn’t planned for this.

One of his dregs was involved with the daughter unbeknownst to any of them.

“Go” Kaz muttered, glaring at the notes.

“What?” Y/n asked quietly but the other two already left, obeying orders.

Kaz glanced over at her, “why are you staying?”

“I could ask you the same Kaz. I’m not leaving until you are” she argues.

Kaz groans, “I’m fine with -“

“With yourself getting hurt but not others, even if you pretend not to care. I know, now shut up and tell me what it is that is keeping us here still” y/n declares.

Kaz stares at her for a few seconds before smirking and nodding twice, “fine, very well. We cannot take the letter without leaving a trace. Do you see anything suggesting which dreg it is?”

He grabs one of the letters and reads it over, but the sender didn’t sign it; smart.

“Let me see it” y/n says, her gloved hands briefly touching his but neither pull back.

Kaz sees her tense slightly, as he himself does at the same time. But the gloves are enough for them both.

He watches as her eyes narrow at the paper and she clenches her teeth.

“It was Timo” she tells him, pointing to a line on the letter.

“He’s the only one who always messes up this euphemism” she sighs, “and he’s been talking to Liv about some girl lately.”

Kaz watches her, intrigued by how attentive she’s been.

He nods, “let’s go”.

She agrees and puts the letter back where it was before following him out.

“We have to let the others know” y/n says, keeping pace with Kaz’s hasty walk.

“I will, you go back to the slat and keep an eye on Timo to ensure he doesn’t flee” Kaz says but y/n can tell that’s not why he is giving her this order.

“I’m not going to babysit him. If he leaves, you’ll find him; we both know that. Why are you being such an ass and pushing me away tonight?“ she asks, still headed the same direction.

Kaz glances at her from the corner of his eye and shakes his head, “why are you being so noncompliant?”

She laughs, “need I remind you of our deal?”

“We did not make a deal for you to be this frustrating” Kaz groans, turning the corner to an alleyway.

“You would’ve spent who knows how long in there looking over that letter if it wasn’t for me so answer my question” she demands.

“I do not know what this will entail” he admits, looking over at her as they continue their journey to the other crows.

“I don’t need you to protect me Kaz, if that’s what you’re trying to get at” she states.

“I’m aware that I don’t” he says resentfully.

“Th-“ she begins but stops suddenly making Kaz turn to her.

She holds up one finger, tilting her head to the side towards another street just ahead of them.

Now that he’s not focused on hating himself for wanting to protect her, he is able to hear very faint footsteps from the other street.

He nods and copies her as they lean against the far wall, hoping their black attire will help them blend in.

Fortunately, it seems something spooked the person as they begin running and don’t bother checking their surroundings.

Kaz and y/n make eye contact to check on the other before they pick up their pace to make up the time lost.

—

Y/n gasps and stumbles as her feet slide to a stop before the scene.

It was a trap in deed.

Jesper had his hands tied behind him, but seemingly hasn’t stopped trying to flirt his way out of it.

Inej isn’t visible but likely nearby.

Nina hasn’t gotten caught yet somehow, and has his arm around her still as he shakes his head at the scene.

Kaz and y/n change a glance before sighing.

Kaz lifts his cane slightly as he prepares to use it as a weapon rather than for support.

Y/n takes a deep breath and grabs her weapon before rushing closer to the scene.

Inej takes this as her sign to begin, promptly throwing a knife into the guard holding Jesper.

Y/n removes his rope and runs to the next guard.

—-

“Kaz!” Y/n calls, taking out the man approaching Kaz from behind as he dealt with another.

Kaz nods at her with a thankful glance before resuming fighting.

“Nina, you okay?” Y/n asks, happy she’s away from now.

She nods, “how can I help?”.

“Run, join the others, make sure they’re okay. We’ll meet you soon” y/n advises.

——

“Come on” Jesper frowns as another set of guards come near their group.

“Just keep fighting Jesper “ Kaz orders.

“No really? I was going to sit down and surrender” Jesper says sarcasm and rolls his eyes.

Y/n ignores their bickering and heads up the staircase to see where all these new groups of guards are coming from.

“You don’t belong here miss” a man says as she rounds the corner at the top of the staircase.

She nearly jumps from being startled but y/n manages to stay calm.

Before she can come up with a lie, another guard must have overhead as he now shouts “she is one of them!”

Y/n pivots and sprints down the stairs back to the other three.

“Y/n watch-“ Jesper yells, firing his pistol at someone behind her.

But it was too late, before his bullet struck the guards chasing her, one managed to let out a shot and struck her side.

She sucks in a desperate breath of air, trying to ignore the pain for now.

——

The fighting was still going on when Jesper made his way back to Kaz to tell him about y/n.

“What?!” Kaz barked, “where is she?”.

Jesper watched as Kaz’s eyes became frantic and his head moved around so fast it gave Jesper secondhand whiplash.

“There” Jesper pointed to where inej was putting pressure on y/N’s side.

Kaz noticed the fear and nausea on her features as she tried to push away Inej’s hand.

Inej clearly assumed it was due to being groggy and in pain not a touch aversion as she refused and kept putting pressure on it.

“Don’t touch her” Kaz demanded, stepping next to inej.

“Bu-“ she began but y/n nodded.

“Please, I can bandage it enough” y/n offered.

Inej sighed, “okaaayy… just hurry we need to get out of here”.

The guards may have been dead or incapacitated for now, but they didn’t know how long that would last.

Y/n ripped her sleeve and tightly knotted it around her waist, grimacing at the pressure.

“Good?” Kaz asked, staring down at her.

She nodded, pushing up from the ground, “good. Let’s go”.

The four of them rapidly made their way to the exit, scanning for trouble as they went.

——

“Split!” Kaz shouted as more guards rushed towards them.

All four went different directions, requiring the guards to break apart as well.

Y/n gritted her teeth as she pushed herself forwards despite the throbbing pain in her side.

She knew the second she split from the others that it wasn’t a good idea; she should’ve stayed with one of them in case the pain slowed her down too much.

But she was trying to be less of a burden on Kaz tonight.

Kaz seemed to have agreed as suddenly he was at her side, “I didn’t mean you”.

“In my defense, you’ve been wanting me to split all night” y/n remarks.

“You’ve been shot” he mutter angrily.

“Oh wow, hadn’t noticed” she rolls her eyes.

“I shouldn’t h-“ he began but another large explosion went off only a few feet from them.

Kaz moaned loudly as he used his upper body strength to push himself off the hard ground against the wall he’d been flung into.

He had to keep moving, but more pressingly he needed to find y/n.

“Y/n?!” Kaz yelled, his head ringing.

Panic and bile rose when he didn’t hear a response.

Fortunately as he steadied his legs he found his cane, immediately grabbing it for support.

He then began stomping through the crumbled remains of what had been a store.

“Y/n?!” Kaz called again, the panic making his voice shake.

He heard some quiet coughing from his left.

“Y/n” he panicked, seeing her covered in more blood than before, barely keeping her eyes open.

He used his cane to push off of to get closer to her as fast as possible.

She coughed, her heavy eyes lazily looking up at him, “Kaz, I-“.

He shook his head, “don’t speak. You need your energy”.

She nodded once, her eyes closing more as she did.

“If you don’t keep your eyes open I-“ he began, voice tense.

“You’ll, what-“ she coughed when trying to give him a weak laugh, “kill me? They may beat-“.

“Do not finish that sentence. I will not hear it. You will be fine, we just need Nina” he argued, his eyes glaring at her for even suggesting it.

“She-“ y/n coughed, “need to-“.

Kaz clenched his jaw and nodded, “I know. We’ll figure that out when we get there”.

Y/n reluctantly nodded, attempting to push herself off the ground, but her side wound pierced her in the movement making her flinch and her legs gave out under her.

“Y/n, come on” Kaz ordered weakly, “now”.

She took a shallow breath, her lungs already hurting.

“Okay Kaz” she agreed, her voice cracking.

She managed to take a few seconds before her legs seemed to give out again.

Most people would have stuck their arms out until they grabbed her and kept her from falling, but Kaz wasn’t most people.

Most people don’t have a touch aversion; let alone one as severe as his.

He paused and watched as she collapsed to the cold ground, his heart plummeting with her.

Kaz scolded himself for not having caught her, held her up, or otherwise assisted her in getting home.

He kept mentally yelling at himself that he was weak and had to get over this fear.

He wasn’t sure how much time passed before he knelt next to her, his hands visibly tremoring as he went to pick her up.

The water in his chest was at full force already given how cold he knew she’d be, the thought of carrying her for blocks, and looking at her pale and bloody body collapsed on the ground; all taking him back to being unable to help those he loved and watching them die before him.

The bile in his throat threatened to burn its way out but he suppressed it as he decided this was the one chance he had to actually help her.

However, just as his gloved hand went to cup her side and the other to her leg, he froze again.

He wasn’t the only one here with a touch aversion.

While she hadn’t officially told him she had one, he knew.

It may have been a recent realization for him, but it was already engrained in his mind.

It was something he never planned on violating.

This whole time he’d been mad at himself for not being able to get over himself and his fear to help her when he was worried about her.

Yet, he hadn’t considered what she would want.

He hated the idea of violating her boundaries, but he also could not live with himself if he didn’t try to help her live.

Kaz sighed as he decided he’d have to possibly violate her trust and touch her.

While not ideal, he could live with her hating him, being scared of or not trusting him, etc.

But he couldn’t, wouldn’t, live with her dying; especially if he could do something about it.

Kaz slid one hand around her waist only for it to slip away.

Not from the water beating his chest or the burning acid in his throat.

Rather, she was bleeding too much and it made her clothes slick

Combine that with his leather gloves and you get a disaster.

He swallowed thickly as he fought his PTSD in order to try and touch her without his gloves.

——

“Saints!” Jesper shouted, suddenly in the same alley.

He ran over to y/n, immediately grabbing hold of her.

“Don’t touch her” Kaz grumbled.

“Kaz, she’s dying. Get over your jealousy!” Jesper scolded, scooping y/n into his arms.

“I’m not jealous Jesper” Kaz glares, but perhaps he was.

While y/n and Jesper may only be friends, and Kaz may or may not want more than that with her, he knew there was something Jesper could offer he couldn’t.

Sure she may not, and likely wouldn’t, accept an offer of physical contact; but Kaz couldn’t even offer it.

More frustratingly though was he couldn’t efficiently help her in a situation like this and Jesper could.

Kaz wanted to be the one who could help her.

——

When they got back, Kaz busted through the doors loudly, Jesper following closely.

Kaz drug his arm over the bar top, knocking glasses, bottles, alcohol, etc. all over the floor, shattering most items.

Jesper set y/N’s body down on the counter and looked at Kaz for suggestions.

“Where is Nina?!” Kaz demanded, but Jesper heard the fear lacing his sharp tone.

Jesper shrugged, “I only knew you guys were there because of the explosion”.

Kaz’s lips twitched as he fought to keep his calm.

He walked over to y/n and looked down at her, his right hand held inches over her body.

What were they going to do?

Even if they found Nina, she’d have to touch y/n.

And if y/n woke up during that, she’d have to deal with the panic and painful symptoms she and Kaz knew too well.

She may even push Nina away.

Normally she was good at masking her aversion, but given the blood loss it wouldn’t surprise him to see her react more defensively.

“What happened?!” Inej interrupted, running over to apply pressure to y/N’s side.

Again, Kaz reacted instinctively to the threat of someone crossing y/n’s unspoken boundaries.

“Inej, do not touch her” he ordered, his cane raising between the Suli girl and y/n.

“She’s bleeding!” Inej remarked, glaring at kaz.

“I said Do. Not. Touch. Her.” Kaz snapped, his anxiety, nausea, fear for y/n, and stress in full swing.

“Whatever your problem is with her Kaz, deal with it later, she’s bleeding and isn’t even awake!” Inej said.

“She is awake, just not responsive” Jesper clarified, pointing to y/N’s eyes that opened part of the way through their trip back.

Kaz bit the inside of his lower lip.

“Saints what is wrong with you two?!” Inej asked, pushing the cane aside.

“She tensed when I carried her” Jesper admitted, answering the question Kaz had been wondering as well.

“Because she’s wounded!” Inej explained.

“I don’t want to make it worse!” Jesper defended, his bloody hands in the air.

“You are both weak” Inej glared, tearing the fabric around y/n’s wound to see it better.

Kaz wanted to be mad but she was right; he was weak, too weak to help y/n.

Kaz watched as y/N’s head rolled to the side facing him just as he went to leave; unable to see her like this.

His concerned eyes caught her scared ones and he wanted to have the ability to comfort her somehow.

Just as Inej’s hand touched y/n, not even where the wound was, but instead to steady them both before she began, y/n stiffened and Kaz saw her stare become distant, a panicked watery look starting.

“Remove your hands from her right now or I will break every single finger” Kaz threatened, hating the pained and fearful look y/n had.

“I don’t know why you hate her so much, but if I don’t-“ Inej complained, not looking up at him.

Kaz’s gloved hand pulled her’s away.

“I don’t hate her Inej” he glared, his voice frail as he contemplated his next step.

What she was about to say was right, someone had to apply pressure for her to stay alive until Nina arrived.

But no one else had gloves on, or understood what she was dealing with.

Kaz hoped the gloves would help her accept what he was going to do.

“Back up, now” he ordered, Inej only moving away when Jesper nodded at her.

Kaz leaned closer to her, his voice so low it was almost nonexistent, “I’m sorry, I have to”.

He took one of the scraps of her clothing Inej tore and placed it over her wound, adding another barrier in hopes it would make it less difficult for her.

He then pressed his firm hand down onto her wound, his fingers stiff inside the gloves as he fought his own aversion.

Kaz paced back and forth in his room, his mind spinning.

Nina finally made it back to the slat and while she wasn’t sure why, not believing kaz’s argument that it was to prevent infection, she accepted his gloves and worked on y/n through the leather material.

She promised Kaz and the others that y/n would be fine, she just needed rest.

Kaz couldn’t help but feel guilty and stressed.

He felt responsible for the way it turned out, so he stayed distanced from her sleeping frame and the comparison to jordie.

He also wanted to be there for her, to make sure she did in fact wake up and was okay like Nina swore.

Hence why he was here, pacing towards the door only to change his mind and pace the other way; repeating over and over.

He swung the door to his room open milliseconds after someone knocked, having been pacing towards it at the time.

“She’s awake” Jesper smiled, giving Kaz a wink before sprinting back to y/N’s room.

Kaz let out a sigh and stepped into the hall.

“Hi Kaz “ y/n greets, making Kaz almost smile.

“Y/n” he greets, standing next to her bed.

“Nina why don’t we-“ Inej whispered, Nina nodding and following her out.

“I’m okay, you know” y/n promised, sensing his emotions.

He slowly nodded, “good”.

“Thank you” she said softly.

“For?” Kaz asked confused, sitting down on the chair next to her bed.

“I couldn’t speak or move, but you could tell what I was thinking and tried to help” she blushed, looking away.

Kaz is silent so she looks back at him and he offers her a half smile and a nod, making her smile.

“You know, don’t you?” She asked softly.

“I do” he admits, “they don’t.”

She nods, “thank you”.

He shakes his head, “it is not their business “.

She laughs softly, releasing some tension in Kaz’s chest, “still, thank you Kaz. And… I don’t know how to…”

Kaz raises and eyebrow at her and waits for her to continue.

“How to… ever thank you.. for what you did… I can’t imagine how-… I’m sorry…” she began, guilt showing in her tone.

Kaz sighed, the last thing he wanted was her feeling guilty for a choice he made for himself, and one he wished he’d chosen earlier.

“You do not need to thank me or apologize y/n” he says, trying to make his voice soft but it just comes out as more of a whisper in his normal tone.

“And yes you can imagine. You do it nearly daily. You see everyone’s needs and even when hard you do what you need to do to help them” he remarks, looking into the distance.

“If Jesper needs a hug to keep being his normal irritating self, if Wylan needs a comforting shoulder to rest his head on while he vents about Jesper, if Nina needs someone to try new hairstyles on so she can still have a normal hobby, if Inej needs a hug after a triggering event, the list goes on. You put others’ needs over your fear routinely y/n” Kaz notes.

Y/N’s eyes water as she listens to how closely he has been paying attention to her, seeing and memorizing things not required or related to either one’s job.

She smiles, maybe her feelings are returned after all.

She nods and smiles at him as a thank you for his reminder.

“You would have done the same thing if the roles were reversed” Kaz summarizes, “do not thank me”.

“And if I do?” She teases, tensely sitting up.

“I will begin taxing you” Kaz smirks but his eyes are focused on how stiff she is.

Y/n snorts, “taxing me?! That’s a bit rude Kaz”.

Kaz shrugs with a faint smirk on his lips.

“How much is the tax?” She asks, pouting.

Kaz shakes his head, “I’ll compromise. I will accept one, and only one, thank you. In exchange for you answering a question I have”.

“You already know my fear kaz” she responds.

He nods, “that’s not the question”.

“Okay, fine. Thank you Kaz, truly, I appreciate it even if you want to minimize the action” y/n says, adding as many words as she can since she’ll only get this one time to thank him.

Kaz’s pale skin over his cheeks seem to flush slightly as he nods, “now my question”.

“Shoul-… if something like this happens again, how do you want it handled?” He asks.

“You mean if I’m shot again and bleeding out?”She clarifies.

Kaz swallows the knot in his throat, “hurt. In general”.

“Hmm” she nods slowly, “I think I need to have you answer that for yourself as well”.

“That wasn’t the deal” Kaz groans.

“So maybe we need a new deal” y/n laughs.

Kaz suppresses a small grin and nods, “so be it. You answer and I’ll answer”.

By the end of their discussion, they’d decided that should it be a minor injury or something not time sensitive that they’d prefer to still avoid physical contact.

They’d also agreed that should the matter be life threatening or severe, physical contact from the other or another crow would be acceptable.

Kaz wasn’t a big fan of the last note but agreed after y/n pleaded him that she wanted to ensure someone could help him.

They also talked about trying to be more open to each other.

They were the only two who really understood what the other was dealing with and the limitations of that.

Kaz didn’t admit his feelings at this time, not wanting her to assume he only felt that way now that he knew they had the problem in common.

He knew if he was being honest, the situation intrigued him but he was interested in her before any signs of this shared aversion.

She deserved to know someone was with her for her not because they shared something like this.

He accepted to focus on his intrigue over the situation and try to help each other for now.

In other words, they found they may not be able to touch each other but they could still have emotional intimacy and grow together.

Kaz Brekker Navigation/Masterlist

Six of Crows Navigation/Masterlist

Main Navigation/Masterlist (all my works)

Kaz Brekker Tag List (comment here to added): @directioner5life @ell0ra-br3kk3r @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r

#kaz brekker fic #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker x crow!reader #kazzle dazzle #kaz dirtyhands brekker #kaz brekker x fem!reader #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker #kaz brekker angst #kaz brekker fluff #original post

623 notes · View notes