#and sometimes it just seems easier for them to let go but theyre so scared | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

xamaxenta · 8 months

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i had to wake up early today for work too and really ddint want to get up so in solidarity heres the mas thoughts ive been having (i think because of you?? idr)

vamp sabo and ace living together as a roommate situation and sabo refusing to bite ace right?? so ace wonders into the magic part of town (accidentally on purpose) to ask advice on "how to get my vampire boyfriend to bite me" and shit. wanders into a wb owned shop and like gets to talking and theyre like ?? a human why do u want to be bitten and shit

and then hes like complaining destressing about how hes been walking around half naked and baring his neck and his obviously hungry and wants it bf just!! wont bite!! him!!!!!

anyways wb pirates are a mix of magical creatures but the only vamp among them is marco and hes like hmm tell me more. even better if ace has a relationship with the whitebeards and hangs out with them sometimes but they never knew about sabo and he finally broke cuz he needs advice

but then sabo finds him and equivalent of scruffs his neck like "this is so dangerous what are you /doing/" as if wb hadnt been trying to recruit ace for years (That is Exactly why it is dangerous u fckn idiot -sabo probably)

and then like thralls ace to sleep and ready to like skedaddle but instead gets pinned against a wall by marco like "Haven't met you before, Ace seems enamoured."

"So?" and tries to scramble away but just gets pinned harder

"You obviously care for him, why not give in to his wants and take a bite? it won't kill him." as if he didnt know, ace must have told them how sabo was too scared of accidentally hurting him permanently.

As if Sabo could barely keep from draining him on a good day. His brow twitches

"I'm not going to hurt him." he says simply, but Marco won't let it go presses in harder, makes Sabo feel light and woozy.

"When were you turned? Your instincts seem too strong for how controlled you seem to be."

Usually, Sabo would tell him to fuck off, he did damn well good controlling his instincts, even when he woke up injured and angry and bloodthirsty and alone.

Instead, he gasps, Marco's touch feeling like tendrils on his skin, mind clouded, "Almost a year now."

Marco's brow raises.

"Without a sire?" because there was no way a vampire would leave his newly turned unattended this early on.

Sabo growls, thinks about those monsters, tries to pull himself out of the fog Marco has surrounded him with, with little luck. Finds himself answering instead, eyes watering from the attempt.

"I don't need one," he answers, squirming, "The one who turned me was a celestial dragon, and left me for dead."

"You have amazing willpower," Marco praises, "To resist me for so long. And so young too, poor thing."

The pity scratches Sabo the wrong way, but Marco's eyes show mirth, and that's the only thing that stops Sabo from truly fighting back. The pity was a tease, and Ace liked these people. Forced himself into calm and Marco laughed.

"I see. You handle yourself well," a hand cups his cheek, the smile on Marco's face creasing his eyes, so kind it sours, "But It'd be far easier for you to navigate this with a sire."

The pressure seems to increase pressing into the creases of his mind, makes him gasp and arch into Marco the fucker, so hard to keep his wits about him when Marco's voice was so prevalent.

"I'll be kind," he says.

A sire, it'd certainly make things easier, but he refused to be tied down, controlled, made into something he wasn't, made to do things he didn't want-

"I won't be chained," Sabo answers, too slowly, like wading through mud.

"You're a good kid. It'll keep both you and Ace safe," Marco coos, "It won't be long before vampire hunters are on your trail, one mistake, and they'll treat you like a feral," he strokes Sabo's face again, so gentle it burns, "Not to mention when Ace awakens, halfs are hated by both worlds, you'd do well to listen to your elders."

"Ace..." he trails off, to keep Ace safe, he'd do anything. It'd been the thing that kept him going half-starved and mad with it. He couldn't hurt Ace, had to push through, had to, "It'll protect Ace?"

He felt like he was drowning, Marco's words echoing in his head, drowzy and knees weak.

"Yes," he chuckles, "I should've known Ace was your weakness," he says, "I can't imagine how hard it was to turn alone, it will be easier, I'll guide you. I'm not a cruel man."

Marco, he'd heard of him before, vicious and territorial and terrifying in the fact he didn't belong to a coven but to the Whitebeards. Powerful and old, but not cruel.

The distinction soothed the last doubt in his mind and he allowed himself to fully give in to the thrall, if only for Ace. It was a lost cause, his struggle, he'd been worrying about falling to his baser instincts for months now, or of attracting unwanted attention from humans and vampires alike, with how unaware of the rules and customs he was and with how hungry he always was, like a gaping maw in his chest.

He tilted his neck in submission, eyes closed, and the only thing holding him up being Marco's grip, he felt so tired, so /weak/.

"Good boy."

And then fangs on his neck, a needle like pinch, making his eyes widen as Marco /drinks/.

His body relaxes even further into it, Marco's powers soothing him, hand rubbing circles into his side. Ends up passing out.

Wakes up hungry, eyes wide, energy thrumming through him. Marco sits reading, and turns his head up when he hears the sheets rustle, glasses low on his nose.

"Finally awake?" he says, "Come here."

Sabo would've done that if he ordered it or not, finds himself climbing into the older man's lap with something close to desperation, wanting so badly to /bite/ he could barely think. But he couldn't, wasn't supposed to, and it's with great willpower he grits his teeth and lofts his head where he had been breathing way too hard into the crook of Marco's neck. He needed to get away before he-

But then Marco's hand landed on the back of his head, pushing him back down, making Sabo panic and cry out. But he couldn't resist, not when he was so close, not when he was so desperate.

"Good boy," Marco soothes when Sabo bites down, "There's no need to resist me"

and thats all i wrote but then sabo and marco fuck and marco convinces sabo its ok to feed from ace he'll even supervise if it makes sabo feel better and cradles them both when it happens, petting through sabos hair and then yknow mas.

i really hope tumblr doesnt eat this i wrote it in the ask box djdjdj

Im speechless i was like heehee vampire stuff sounds so fun today but i actually dunno anything about them and their lore and you come here and go hello hello i have you and ur dumbass covered LET ME FILL IN THE BLANKS AND IM SO GRATEFUL

The LORE FOR MARCO ALONE IS SO GOOD needing a sire? sabo being left alone after being turned? Ace being enamoured with Sabo?

Sabo resisting Marco but Marco securing his consent and loyalty because of Ace and because Sabo loves Ace and he wants to keep him safe AUAGSH and Marco becoming his sire and yeah they totally fuck n then Marco supervising Sabo when he finally bites Ace the first time 🥺 cute!!!

this

Absolutely slaps like bro youre cooking this is so damn good i have nothing to add im glad i said something this morning if it had you come here to write this im really thankful thank you for sharing this with me

#i…#i cant believe it this is so beautiful #MAS #THANK YOU!!!#drooling over your characterisation of Marco being this ancient powerful guiding figure #LLOOOOVE HIM!!!!#ALSO SABO TRYING TO SKEDADDLE LOL

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marinetteplztakeabreak · 3 years

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I need to share soft sign language buddies ninogami headcanon because they’re taking over my brain always:

(This got so long, so youre welcome if youre also starved for ninogami content)

Nino’s mom is Deaf , so he grew up signing as much as speaking. When he was younger he always signed as he talked.

It turned out he’s also Hard of Hearing, so sign language is way easier for him to understand most of the time.

However, though he’s great at making friends, he’s very awkward when it comes to talking about himself. So never comes up in conversation.

It’s not a self-deprication issue. It’s just a “thinking of things to say is hard and I’d rather have someone else do the talking” thing. He’d rather talk about anyone except himself.

Additionally! He’s great at helping other people, but he’s terrible at asking for help. He does not EVER want to be like “hey i cant understand what you’re saying, my ears dont work great,” its his worst nightmare

And it doesnt help that there have been a few cases of people being rude about it when he doesnt hear them after they repeat themselves. And possibly worse, there have been even more cases of people giving over-the-top apologies instead of just,, telling him what they said. So it’s not worth the trouble in his mind

with his few close friends who still dont know, it feels like its too late and it’d be awkward to bring it up, so he just… doesnt. He’s procrastinating on telling them he cant hear them

He stopped signing as much as he talked in middle school because strangers would always be like “woah thats so cool, how do you know sign language” and he’d just panic because he was an awkward tween, and he didnt know if he was comfortable telling them he was HoH, but ALSO just saying his mom was Deaf and not mentioning himself felt like directly lying by hiding information, so he just took the “lazy” way out and signed less in public.

Sometimes fighting the anxiety was not worth it so he just let it win in that case.

Nino is so nice and energetic and loves people, but he is way more introverted and anxious than his friends think.

But when they start to get closer, Kagami who is ever-observant, notices him signing a little bit, (not ever to her, not ever on purpose, but he’d sometimes sign a word he needed to remember while speaking or sign along to emphasize something)

and she luckily for his anxiety, she doesnt know how to have a normal conversation either.

Her (platonic as well as romantic) love language is studying and research, and Nino seems very cool and she likes him, even if she is awful at holding a conversation with him or doing anything to show it.

She thinks he’s so cool and such an amazing talented kind friend. She has so much love for him that she doesnt know what to do with it. So she channels that energy into learning to sign through the internet and whatever tools she can find

And then after a while of this, she’s like “oh no, he’s gonna think that’s so creepy, I cant tell him I know sign language or he’ll be so uncomfortable”

So, like a whole idiot, she hides that she’s learning sign language from anyone. Because OBVIOUSLY if word got back to Nino, he’d assume it was because of him and that she was a weirdo he shouldn’t be friends with

But also Kagami accidentally falls in love with sign language because she has undiagnosed autism. She always assumed that communicating was just going to be impossible no matter what, but as she gets proficient in sign language she’s like,,, oh,,, OH,, this is very nice

Even just signing while she talks makes it so much easier to keep words and sentances straight, but she only does it when she’s alone with her mother, who is literally blind and would never know.

They become closer friends in late high school, and by that time a lot of Nino’s anxiety has worn off and he’s become completely comfortable letting teachers know when he needs to hear somthing, and middle school feels like a distant dream

At some point, Nino invites Kagami to his house a few times, and he signs with his mom. Nino is like “I can interpret for you,” and Kagami is like “wow thanks, I’m so lucky, because I obviously do not know any sign language, why would I have learned it, and also for the record it is brand new information to me that you can sign,” and Nino is like “cool? Its not a secret but im glad i told you if you somehow didnt already know,” and Kagami is like, “yep :)”

But then eventually as they become really close, they are texting one night, (Kagami can still barely get out of her house, so they need to communicate remotely. And both of then HATE phone calls bc its so hard to understand whats happening, but neither of them have admitted this to anyone)

Nino admits that he likes using sign language better than talking, and he wishes he could use it with his friends, but he’d feel so guilty asking them to learn an entire language just to make him slightly more comfortable. He can talk and hear OKAY so he shouldnt put the pressure on them.

and Kagami is like “you could always ask, worst case scenerio they say no, and i dont think thats an unreasonable demand” and nino is like “it is though,” and kagami’s like “ok so haha funny story, please dont hate me” and nino is like, “…what.” And kagami confesses everything and nino is like “why… why would i hate you for that?” And Kagami is like “oh wait youre right im stupid,”

And then Nino’s also like “hey if YOURE more comfortable signing too, then why dont YOU ask your friends to sign for you. Do you see what i mean? It’s hard to ask-” and kagami is like, “as your friend i will prove it is not.”

So then Kagami ends up confronting Adrien and Marinette the next day and is like “Hi. This is a sign language dictionary. Learn from it.” And they’re both like “what?” And she’s like “oh wait sorry. Backing up. I’m autistic. I decided like three years ago. Forgot to tell you. And I need you to learn to sign a little bit so you can understand if i sign something at you. If you want, of course. Please :D.” And theyre like “ok sure yeah i can do that.”

(Theyve already learned and accepted that shes extremely direct in asking for things)

So then she texts nino and is like “i did it. Youre welcome.”

But anyway both of them are uncomfortable in crowds and parties: Nino cant hear anyone and Kagami tends to get sensory overload, so they start signing mostly in those situations, and then it starts to sink in that they’re allowed to sign whenever and that the other really IS also comfortable with it.

(Both of them are much more willing to make sacrifices for others than to try something new and intimidating for themself, so this is the perfect situation to trick them into getting out of their comfort zone, ironically by trying to be more comfortable in the long run)

so they will just sit together and hang out and have long conversations while just chilling somewhere in a park or at cafes or whatever. Both of them become chattier than they’ve ever been because talking and understanding is so much easier, and its addicting

And their close friends all become proficient enough in sign language to have simple conversations.

But also Nino and Kagami start sitting together automatically even in group hangouts, and they start hanging out more with just the two of them, and soon neither of them feel bad about asking to hang out in quieter places, because they can justify it knowing that it will also help the other one, and together that makes both of them also more comfortable asking for little accomodations from other friends, if only to prove to the other that they can do it too.

And Kagami has the lesser-known autism side effect where she makes WAY TOO MUCH eye contact. She’s aware of it but that doesnt make it go away. Normally she feels so awkward about it, and overthinks her gaze because she doesnt want to scare people away. But when signing, you literally HAVE to be watching the other person constantly, so she has an excuse to just be herself, and its so relieving

(and also its kind of fun to look at Nino anyway because he can get so animated and his smile is really nice and oh no she is in love a little bit)

And Nino always struggles because he emotionally ALWAYS needs to be the nice polite one. His anxiety sometimes gets the better of him and he’s constantly worried about sending the wrong signals to his friends and coming off as rude somehow. But with Kagami, he can literally just ask?? And she will tell him her honest opinion without making it weird. And its so comfy and so good and he really loves hearing her unfiltered opinions on so many things because she sees the world in such a unique way and she gets so passionate about such little things and then oh no, he is fallen for her before he can realize it

And they also learn that they’re both artists, they both love to just observe the world because even if they;re awkward, people are actually pretty great most of the time, and its fun to observe them and try to capture the world, and they just sit together and sketch, or they watch each other sketch, and the thing is, both of them draw ONLY FOR THEMSELVES, its not a ‘skill,’ and they don;t want it to be, its just private art for relaxation. Somehow, though, its okay if they share their art with each other. They can just sit in comfortable silence for hours while one of them sketches something and the other watches patiently

And they start to get more comfortable with one of their heads resting on the other’s shoulder as they watch them doodle, and sitting so close their legs press together, and soon enough their hands start brushing against each other’s as they walk next to each other and then all of a sudden they’re casually holding hands whenever they’re not signing because it’s nice

They try to share headphones so Nino can share some of his favorite songs and his compositions with Kagami. But try as she might, Kagami can not handle the sensory of only having one earbud in. Nino knows her tells by that point, and he’s not about to let her suffer for a stupid reason, but she REALLY does want to hear his music. They somehow end up with Kagami putting a pair of headphones around her neck and turning up the volume a little bit so she can hear, while Nino rests his head on her shoulder so he can hear just enough to know where she is in the song

And then he has to sit up and scootch away just enough to see her hands so they can talk about it, and they both pretend not to notice how nice it was to snuggle as they sign. Its fine, though, because now they get the excuse to just look at each other again and sign overdramatically with exaggerated facial expressions, and no one else around can overhear their conversation, and Nino likes to go a little over the top when signing onomatopoeia and acting out particular parts of the song rhythm that he likes, and Kagami laughs, and they both mentally save the image of each other in this moment the same way that they look at reference images for artwork, memorizing the lines of each movement and the things that make each smile unique,

and Nino also shows up at every single one of her fencing tournaments, and he sits as close as he can and signs encouraging messages to her from the crowd whenever she’s not actively competing, (that her blind mom can never catch, which is somewhat of a bonus to Kagami, because every element of their friendship that her mother cant interact with makes this more personal and special and HERS). Every little sign she sends back at him, even a simple thank you, always feels so good and rebellious and free because shes supposed to be focusing on fencing but shes deciding to care more about friendship. And even if she’s expected to leave immediately afterword, she’ll find every excuse possible to find him and give him a hug, which he’ll always accept even though she jokingly warns him shes sweaty and gross

And eventually they are special best friends and it brings them instant joy to see each other and theyre able to interact for no reason other than that they want to and like each other

(And then they kiss)

#ninogami #ninami #nino lahiffe #kagami tsurugi #miraculous ladybug #ml #fic tag #dont want to tag this with the other ship because the tumblr algorithm is weird #and i dont want it going in the tag because theres no content for that ship and this directly opposes it #but i respect nino and alyas relationship so much they are so good and perfect #but im also terminally a multishipper #and ninogami is so darn precious too i love them #i just try not think about the circumstances with alya in this shup #ship #just imagine she and nino are still close bros and alya is dating marinette or adrien or whoever else you want

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ultimaid · 3 years

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all right here’s my nondespair junko headcanons

so junko doesn’t commit any atrocities in this au. big surprise. that’s not to say she’s “normal”—she definitely deals with a lot of anger problems and mental health issues—but she’s been in therapy since she was a little kid. it’s probably that intervention that saved her.

she is not very close to her parents. aside from getting her into therapy when she first started showing signs of aggression and anger problems, they don’t really seem to understand her or listen to her.

she has a strained relationship with her sister. mukuro’s not a “golden child” by any means, but she always found it easier to handle things than junko, never had quite as much difficulty. part of junko hates her for it. they struggle to communicate. when they get along they REALLY get along, but they almost instantly go back to arguing.

as i said before, junko deals with a lot of anger problems. she has trouble processing and understanding her emotions and as a result a lot of her feelings present themselves as anger. her anger can be directed inward or outward. she’s not violent (though she has had self-destructive meltdowns) but she gets scared of herself when she’s angry. she wants to break things. sometimes she does break things.

her self-esteem vacillates between extremely high—“i’m so sexy, i’m better than everyone else, nobody can even touch someone like me”—and very, VERY low, the most visceral self-loathing.

one thing she finds a LOT of joy in is fashion. the ability to express herself through clothes and makeup is something she absolutely loves. she started modeling at the age of about four years old and hasn’t stopped since.

she aspires to have her own fashion label. she’s gotten into sewing and design over the past few years and can alter or make pretty much any garment.

that’s actually how she first got closer to celeste and chihiro!

junko has a hard time making friends. her cool, mean-girl act is just that—an act—and she struggles to actually connect with people. she’s rude, she’s callous, she’s snippy, she’s above-it-all, because she doesn’t know how else to be.

celeste was the first person she could really call a “friend” at hopes peak. celeste commissioned her for a dress and insisted on being present for much of the design process. they got to talking. they have a lot in common (deeply buried insecurity, a love for self-expression through outward presentation, a similar sense of humor). they start sitting together at mealtimes, chatting between classes. they do each other’s hair.

junko learns that celeste has a special interest in european history. she lets that aesthetic influence the clothes she makes for celeste. for junko’s birthday, celeste gives her a little crown she got while overseas.

they talk shit together. theyre gossip girls supreme. celeste teaches junko to play poker and celeste wins every single time.

they also make out in the archive. a lot. celeste was instrumental in helping junko figure out she’s a lesbian. there’s no romance between them, but, well, celeste is a great kisser.

chihiro is another story.

junko has had classes with chihiro since they were first-years. they never really talked. chihiro’s shy and quiet and looks like a baby fawn—junko calls her “bambi eyes” in her head—and definitely not the kind of person junko usually hangs out with.

they’re paired up for a project when they’re both in their second year. chihiro expresses admiration for junko’s commitment to fashion, for her ability to always look so put together, even if it’s not quite chihiro’s style. she mentions that it’s hard to find cute clothes that fit her well.

almost immediately—and junko’s not sure why she does this, she barely knows this girl—junko offers to alter some things for her. she’s got a dark green blouse she hasn’t worn in ages that she thinks chihiro would look great in—it’d be big on her now, but with some changes it’ll fit great later. and besides, junko needs help making a website for her portfolio anyways… maybe chihiro could do that in return?

chihiro says she’d love to.

junko doesn’t know a lot about chihiro at first. but she learns. she learns quickly. they spend more time together than they’d anticipated. junko takes chihiro shopping, helps her develop a style that makes her feel confident and happy, and chihiro makes junko a damn good website that highlights all her best work.

theyre a weird pair. people at school wonder how the hell the nerd and the queen bitch started hanging out.

they have sleepovers and talk late at night. about chihiro being trans, about junko maybe liking girls, about their families. chihiro expresses how close she is to her father, how supportive of her he is, and junko is only a little jealous. she’s mostly just happy for her friend, and that’s a new feeling for her, a scary one.

she’s not sure when she fell in love with chihiro, but she knows she has been for a while now. that’s an even scarier feeling.

junko and komaeda are friends in this au, though it’s less “reeks of manipulation and mutually assured destruction” than in canon. junko just wants to take the guy clubbing because “some fresh air will be good for you!” and he is constantly done with her shit.

sometimes when she’s having a really bad time or a manic episode she gets a fake id and goes to a club and lives out a night that she won’t remember the next morning. coke is involved about sixty percent of the time.

she struggles. a lot. she wants so badly to be a good person and she is so sure that she isn’t.

but she’s trying so hard.

canon junko wants the world to hurt like she’s hurting. nondespair junko feels her pain and tries every single day not to take it out on the people around her.

mukuro gets most of the grief. that’s a relationship that’ll be hard to repair, as much as junko wishes they could just have a normal sibling relationship.

eventually junko will grow up. she’s afraid of that. she’s afraid to lose her beauty, to become average, to lose the one thing she’s hung onto her whole life. it scares her. it makes her angry.

but for now she’s trying her best. every day she tries her best.

#danganronpa #junko enoshima #enosaki #nondespair au #eno.txt #listen!!! i have thoughts!!! and feelings!!!

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literaila · 4 years

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we used to

“the middle”

spencer reid x reader

summary: spencer cant remember the reader. she wont let him forget her.

this is actually part two! part one here

warnings: mentions of blood, mentions of pain, memories? angst. theres slashes though words (for example) but theyre meant to represent numbness

also! i wrote some of this while some teenage kids were watching me sit against a tree. i just thought that was important to add. enjoy!

“Where did we meet?”

“A little park. I was laying down enjoying the sunshine, and you came over, worried, and started checking my pulse. You said you wanted to make sure I wasn't dead.”

She laughed.

But she didn't tell him about the way his eyes had gotten bigger when she looked up at him. She didn't tell him how he swallowed, his face suddenly nervous. He didn't tell her how she had started laughing at him, and he blushed embarrassed.

“After that, I asked if I could play chess with you. You let me win.”

She didn't tell him about the years she’d spent teasing him for that. She didn't tell him about the number she’d managed to slip into his bag when he’d been distracted. The number he didn't use for weeks. She didn't tell him how rejected she felt every day that went by, didn't tell him that she went to the same park almost every day just to see him. She didn't tell him about the disappointment that coursed through her veins every time she checked her phone.

“Where was our first date?”

“You took me to the museum. You were really nervous. I was almost worried you would run out of things to tell me.”

She didn't tell him that it was one of the first things she’d noticed about him. That she’d loved that he had so much to say from the very beginning.

They’d spent three days together.

Spencer had to stay two weeks after he’d woken up. The first week was spent testing his memory, making sure everything was still in order. He spent day after day, meeting doctors, in machines. People were visiting him right and left, but he was almost always gone.

She didn't see him much that week.

The next week his doctors were sure that everything was fine. Besides the amnesia, there were no other effects on his brain. His broken leg was healing nicely, and he would be fine in a couple of weeks.

But, they said, they wanted to keep him there just one more week, to make sure that they hadn't missed anything.

So he stayed.

And Y/N started going to see him that week.

She’d been hesitant, worried that he wouldn't actually want to see her, that he had changed his mind, but as soon as she knocked on the door he seemed to be bright and awake. She took that as a good sign.

Since then, three days have passed. They’d spent the majority of those days together. Spencer was full of questions, full of things that he couldn't remember he’d already told her, his brain never seemed to stop turning, to stop thinking.

She was used to it.

Most of the time, she was doing all of the talking. She was telling him about their relationship, about herself, she was telling him about all the things he’d learned about her in the course of five years, she was cramming it all into short sentences, giving up on giving any important details.

It was exhausting.

Sometimes, she started to say something, was about to mention something that they'd done together, but she always paused mid-sentence, reminded of the life Spencer had lost, of all of their days together that were lost.

And other times, Spencer was telling her something, was talking so that she didn't have to, and he mentioned something that she already knew. He mentioned things about his childhood, about the way Derek teased him, the way Penelope was good at making him feel flustered, and she always felt herself wince. Because she already knew all of those things. She knew more things about him than he did, she knew almost everything. And he didn't.

It was like two strangers talking.

Except the only stranger in the room was her.

She wasn't acting like herself.

She was trying to avoid scaring Spencer, rushing into things, scaring him away from her forever.

So she didn't act like herself.

She hid the little details, the tiniest things that she didn't want him to know, she kept them locked away, didn't add them into the stories that he was always asking for. She did it constantly. And to some extent, it felt like lying, it felt like taking something important away from him. But, she also knew how easily overwhelmed her Spencer could get, she knew about all of the things that would scare him. So she didn't feel as bad hiding things from him.

Derek and Penelope came almost every day. Some days the best they could manage was a call. Cases were taking over, the world not stopping for Spencer, and a couple of times they couldn't get to Spencer quick enough.

So they called. And every time, Spencer seemed almost uncomfortable. He always asked if Y/N wanted to talk to them, always hesitant, because he didn't know how close all of them were, he didn't know if Y/N would feel pressured by his friends if she even liked them.

All Spencer knew was there was a pretty girl, a girl he’d once known, sitting in his room.

Today was like all the other days, Spencer asking questions, this time about their history together.

Y/N had been looking out the window, daydreaming of a time where she didn't feel like a stranger to her own body.

Spencer cleared his throat trying to get her attention.

She looked over to him, her eyes wide and empty, she made a noise of acknowledgment, a sign that he could go on. She watched as he gathered his thoughts, already familiar with the look in his eyes.

“What did I like about you?”

She paused. Looked away from him. What did he like about her?

They’d talked about it many times. He’d told her thousands of times how much he loved her. She’d heard it over and over again, felt it pounding in her heart, racing around her head, every day for five years.

It didn’t seem long enough.

She thought about the things he used to compliment.

“Your eyes. They’re so beautiful. They look like they hold all the secrets of the world.”

She remembered him running his hands through her hair, moving it so he could see more of her face. She remembered his eyes. She remembered how comfortable they felt.

“I hope you’ll tell me one day.” he’d said, after minutes of just looking at each other.

“Tell you what?” she whispered, ducking her head down into his chest.

He hadn’t answered. They both fell asleep.

She thought of the time he told her she would look beautiful in anything.

“It doesn’t matter to me what you wear. You’re perfect to me, always.”

After that, he never stopped telling her that.

“You’re perfect to me.”

“You’re perfect for me.”

“You’re perfect with me.”

“Always.”

For a moment, she wished she could hear it again.

She removed that thought from her head almost as soon as it entered. She forced it away, locking it into her cage, somewhere deep in her body, where it wouldn’t be found again.

She shouldn’t be thinking about things like that.

“I think you liked that I was so open to learning new things. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t listen to you say.”

Spencer contemplated that. He thought of all the people that asked him to stop talking, told him that it was too much, too far.

She was probably right.

But that seemed like a silly reason for him to love her.

He finally nodded, accepting her answer.

And then the nurse came in.

And she had to leave

***

Later that week, it was time for Spencer to go home.

It was time for both of them to go home since Y/N had refused to leave without him, even when he’d woken up.

She was nervous.

She didn’t want him to know she was nervous.

They’d been living together for almost two years, together they had picked out an apartment, one that both of them had loved. They’d spent every day they had together, when they were both home, in their tiny apartment. She didn’t know what Spencer now would think about it. He’d lost all memories of it, lost all of their shared moments at home together, and when he’d asked about his apartment, the one he’d had five years ago, Y/N didn’t know what to say.

He’d given up that apartment for her.

He didn’t have any place to live beside their apartment.

She smiled at him when he asked and told him about apartment searching, about how he was sure to get the safest apartment they could find.

“We need it Y/N.” he’d whined when she refused to get the one apartment he deemed safest- because it came with a double lock and no balcony -she’d only smiled at him, kissing his nose and walking away.

Eventually, she’d caved in. Spencer didn’t seem to like any other apartments after that one.

After she was done sharing the story, done trying to remind him who he was supposed to be, he smiled nervously at her.

She knew he was uncomfortable. She knew that he didn’t want to live in a brand new place, with a strange girl who he was supposed to be in love with.

In his mind, they’d only known each other for two days, in his mind, she wasn’t anything special. In his mind, it was weird to live with someone you’d only just met.

Y/N didn’t know how to make him feel more comfortable.

She tried to remind herself that it would take time, that it had taken time when they’d first moved in, that it would take time again.

She didn’t want time.

She wanted Spencer.

She ignored that. Instead, she spent her time making sure she had all the proper medical equipment at their apartment. She spent the moments she wasn’t with Spencer online, looking for different things that could make a broken leg, a forgotten five years, easier.

She also looked for things to prevent the pain she felt every time she moved. She didn’t want to breathe out smoke every time she tried to speak, tried to breathe.

So far she hadn’t found anything. Her doctor recommended pain medication, told her about all the drugs that could help her.

She refused to listen.

She didn’t even know why.

And now it had been more than a month since the accident, and they were finally going home.

Together.

She helped Spencer sign all his release papers, reminding him where he lived, what his phone number was, who they could call in case of emergency.

She helped him and then it was time to go. It was time to go.

They walked side by side out of the hospital, Spencer enjoyed the air outside, enjoyed something that didn’t feel like the stale walls of the hospital he’d been locked up in. Y/N looked back at the hospital. Almost longingly. Almost as if she wanted to go back. She wouldn’t feel as nervous as she did if they were still in the hospital.

She brought him to her car. Helped him get in. They both smiled at each other awkwardly.

The ride home was silent. Neither of them spoke a word. Spencer spent the time looking out the window, observing the drive he couldn’t remember, watching the world pass him by. Y/N avoided looking at him. She avoided looking at anything. She drove and she tried to remind herself that everything was fine. They were both going to be fine.

By the time they got there, to the tiny apartment, both of them had only managed to rack up more nerves.

“This is it.” Y/N said, getting out of the car, trying to keep her face calm, her body comfortable, to go help Spencer get out of the car.

She showed him the way to the elevator. Listed out all of their neighbors that lived on the first floor.

“This is Mrs. Hankel’s apartment. She loves you. She hates me.” she said as she passed by a door.

It was the first laugh they shared all day.

As they walked Spencer looked back at the door longingly.

When they finally arrived at the door Spencer looked down at the welcome mat, laughing a little.

The mat, brown and boring, with a barely notice scrip at the bottom reading

“shoes off, fuckers”

Spencer looked back up at Y/N to see her laughing with him. They were getting closer, the invisible wall keeping them apart seemed to disappear for a moment.

“Why do we-?” he asked, chuckling as he watched her smile.

He could see the way she lit up, the life that had joined her eyes, he could see the immediate difference in her body just by looking at the mat.

“You kept pestering me about a welcome mat,” she laughed, shaking her head and looking up at Spencer. “But Y/N '' she imitated him, “Studies have shown that most toxic chemicals that end up inside a person's home are tracked in by their shoes. A doormat would stop that-'' she giggled, her words fading. “You just wouldn’t give it up. Eventually, we had to compromise.” she ended, pointing her hand at the mat and smiling at him.

It was her first real smile.

Spencer felt dazed.

But, almost as quick as it was there, it disappeared, fading off her face, her eyes becoming stone again.

The wall was back up.

She reminded herself not to overwhelm him, not to do anything that would be too much. She never wanted to be too much for him. He needed help, not her emotions.

She was still reminding herself of that as they walked in the doors.

Spencer looked around and he saw some things that he didn't really understand, like the art hanging up on the wall, the candles that seemed to rest on every empty space, the delicate paintings on the walls. But as he looked around he saw things that he did understand. He saw the textbooks, the bookshelves that occupied all the walls, and when Y/N told him that he was free to walk around, to look around, he saw all of his books placed on the bookshelves littering the apartment. He walked around and noticed all the tattered old copies that he had bought at second-hand bookstores, he saw the first edition books everyone always seemed to give, he looked around and he remembered all the books. He also saw new books, ones that he couldn't imagine reading without some persuasion. He saw old romance, new romance, he saw young adults and dystopian, he saw cookbooks, self-help books, and he laughed a little at the thought of reading any of them.

Those were so obviously Y/N’s.

“We have a lot of books.” he heard her say behind him, and he turned to see her standing watching him, observing him looking around. He wondered why he hadn't noticed her before.

He smiled at her, hoping that she wasn't bothered by him snooping around.

“Did I bring some of my books here?” he asked, turning back to look at all the books he remembered.

“Yes. Not all of them, I needed a little bit of room. But most of them are yours.” she smiled, her face still tense, still frozen solid.

She turned to go, wanting Spencer to look around without her hovering over him.

She walked into the kitchen to make them something for lunch, feeling the pain circle her lungs. She thought of the medication she could be taking right now, thought of the relief her body would feel, she thought about the pain, the writhing pain that lived inside her.

The pain on her lungs was nothing.

The pain on her lungs, on her ribs, in her chest, felt like pain medication.

It felt like nothing compared to-

She paused. She let her thoughts drift off, let her body become aware again, let herself turn to stone, let everything drain out of her.

This pain was nothing.

She was strong enough to deal with a little pain.

She continued to make lunch, continued to not think of anything, to only think of essential things, such as where she would sleep. How she would show Spencer their bedroom, show him where he kept all stuff.

She thought about showing him which shampoos were his, why he enjoyed them so much. He thought about showing him the clothes she’d been buying him for years, the clothes he used to tell her he felt at home in. She thought about showing him the photo album they had made together, Spencer mostly watching, as a present for their third anniversary. She thought about showing him how to lock the door, how to make sure their security system wouldn't start blaring when they left the house.

She had so much to teach him.

There were so many lost memories.

And finally, when she was about to let it go, about to forget about all the things she needed to do, Spencer walked in.

The pain she felt just looking at him-

Breathe in.

“Hey. See everything?” she asked, a perfect, practiced smile on her face.

Spencer smiled back, politely. “Yeah. Did you decorate?”

She laughed, the feeling burning her lungs. “You helped me choose the colors,” she said reassuringly as if she was worried he was going to be upset as if she knew how this stranger would react as if she knew him-

Spencer nodded, looking solemnly at the floor.

“So I was thinking-” Y/N started, only to be interrupted by Spencer.

‘When can I-” he started, looking up at her sheepishly. “Sorry,” he muttered smiling at her. She nodded, her face cold as ice, nodding for him to continue. “I was wondering when I could get my stuff?” he continued, softer this time.

She paused, her hands frozen, her face still poised, but her heart racing at his words.

“Get your stuff?” she asked softly, trying not to let her voice shake.

“Yeah,” he responded easily. “I asked JJ and she said I could stay at her house. At least until I can get a new apartment-”

Y/N had stopped listening.

She wasn't listening.

Spencer wasn't staying.

He wasn't.

He was.

He was leaving.

She felt her insides freeze, ice hitting every inch of her body, keeping her stuck, stuck in her head, stuck to the floor, stuck with the pain building, building up inside her.

She nodded, robotically.

Spencer said something else, something about her showing him where his clothes were.

She wasn't listening, she refused to listen, she wasn't listening.

Her body responded though.

She led Spencer through their living room, showed him where the bathroom was just in case, she led them into their bedroom, her eyes avoiding his, her heart avoiding beating.

She watched as he looked around their room, examined the bed, the small desk hiding in the corner, the dresser on the opposite side of the room. She pointed to the closet. Pointed and left the room.

She wasn't listening.

She sat down on the couch, staring ahead of her, not listening, not feeling, nothing. She sat there, sat there, and listened. She wasn't listening. She felt close to falling asleep.

She waited for him to come back.

Leaving.

Come back.

Always.

He walked back into the room, holding a bag, holding one of their bags. He smiled at her as he zipped it up, as he locked all his clothes up, as he got ready to leave.

“Thank you,” he said, clueless to the feeling burying itself into her chest. “Thank you for driving me here. JJ’s coming to pick me up soon.”

Her ears perked up at that. Confused when JJ had known to come over when Spencer had gotten a hold of her.

He must’ve seen the question in her eyes because he answered “Garcia showed me how to use my phone.”

She nodded. Her lips pursed, her eyes cloudy, her face void of anything, void of emotion, void of color.

Spencer looked at her and tilted his head, he thought he noticed something different, thought that if he was trying to be a good boyfriend, the boyfriend she’d had a month ago, he would’ve asked, he would’ve done something.

Spencer didn't know her.

He stood there, staring at her, her eyes void, not acknowledging his staring, and they both waited, just waited until there was a knock on the door.

They both looked over.

Spencer looked back at Y/N. He smiled, his hands awkwardly placed in front of himself. He smiled at her, and she smiled back.

He started walking to the door, looked back to her, said

“Thank you. I see you soon.”

And then he was gone.

He was gone.

Come back. Come back come back come back come back come back.

Her head was chanting at her, telling her what to do, telling her what she shouldn't do, telling her too many things at once. Her head was chanting at her. Over and over, chanting chanting.

She looked up at the ceiling.

Always.

Always wasn't real.

Always was a lie.

Always.

She looked back down, felt the pain fill her fingertips, felt the pain cloud her head, a storm forming above her. She felt it invade her heart, invade her bones, her muscles, felt the pain swimming in her veins, swimming everywhere in her body, she felt the pain the pain the pain.

Her face was nothing, her face was empty, it was empty

Her body wasn't.

She sobbed.

She sobbed for the pain, for the pain that was everywhere, for the medication she wished she’d taken, for the life that she didn't have, for the life, for her life, for her memory, for everything. She sobbed, and she sobbed.

She fell to the floor.

She let herself fall apart.

She sobbed.

Always.

It was just a little pain.

***

They saw each other twice a week after that.

Spencer went back to work.

Y/N stayed home. She worked from there.

She let the loneliness cloud her brain.

She let herself dream of the words that weren't there.

She never told Spencer.

***

“Where do you work?”

“I teach second grade. Earlier this year I decided to take a year off. We were going to do some traveling and I didn't want to be gone for too long. I’m an artist at heart though.” She teased.

Her face was stone. Her voice was warm.

Spencer smiled.

***

“Did you ask me to be your boyfriend?”

“It was more of a mutual thing. I was spending the night at your apartment, right after we had gotten back from one of those old movies you like, and you asked if I was your girlfriend, if I wanted to meet your family. I just agreed, told you I’d already told my Mom you were my boyfriend. You laughed.”

She smiled at him. Sipped her coffee.

Spencer nodded along.

***

“What's your family like?”

“Well, my parents love you. So does my sister. My brother likes to pretend you don't exist. You used to be okay with that. I’m in the middle. But I’m the favorite.”

She bragged.

She sat there. She watched him.

He looked off behind her.

***

“Did we have a favorite place?”

“We used to spend a lot of time at the park. We loved the park. You always beat me at chess, cause I told you to stop letting me win. You didn't like that very much. But mostly we just sat and talked at the park. You always liked going there after a hard case.”

Spencer didn't say a word.

The park.

***

“When did you meet the team?”

“A year after. You didn't want to rush anything. You wanted your secrets. But I loved them before I knew them. You’d praised them so much I don't know how I couldn't have liked them. Penelope and I clicked. She became my best friend. We bonded over always staying home. You loved that we were so close. Sometimes you forced me out of the house to spend time with her.”

Nothing.

***

“When did I first tell you I loved you?”

She paused.

She didn't want to answer that question.

She didn't want the reminder, the constant, consistent reminder of how much Spencer used to love her. He used to love her.

He used to.

“It was four months into our relationship. You blurted it out while I was sitting on your lap, watching you read. We were close then. You apologized after. I never had a doubt, I said it right back. ‘I love you.’”

And she said it so he knew. She said it so she could rebuild the memory.

She said it to help him remember.

She said it because it was easy.

She loved him.

He used to.

***

It was Wednesday.

It was a Wednesday, almost a month since they’d gotten home.

Since she’d been home.

Since Spencer had moved out.

It had been almost a month.

They’d been getting to know each other for almost a month now.

Spencer was coming over.

It was the first time Spencer had asked to come over. Since he’d first gotten his stuff, the first day he left the hospital, since then he had moved out completely, had taken most of his stuff, the things he wanted. He’d been inviting Y/N to coffee, they spent at least one day a week together if he was home.

She was talking to Penelope more. Checking up on him through her instead of directly asking him. She didn't want to be too overwhelming.

It had been a month of being with him from afar.

She was doing fine.

Her wounds had completely healed. She’d gotten a good report from her doctor, and she was doing fine.

She was doing fine.

Spencer was coming over.

He was coming over for the first real-time. And this time he had asked if he could come over, said he wanted to talk to her.

She let her heart bubble for a moment. Let herself imagine Spencer living in her house again.

She stopped herself before it got too far.

She would do nothing to ruin the progress they had made.

She waited at home, she waited and got herself ready. She prepared herself for talking to him, for not saying too much, for saying just the right amount. She prepared herself to see him again. To be in love with him while he watched.

She waited for him.

She turned herself to stone when he knocked on the door.

She opened it, smiling at him and letting him in.

He walked in, his body was tense, his eyebrows were furrowed, and his eyes were scrunched in concentration. Y/N tried not to stare at him, to stare at the familiarity in the face. He looked like her Spencer for a moment.

She kept the smile on her face.

“Did you need to talk about something?” she asked, she asked and she got him a bottle of water, needing to preoccupy her hands with something, with anything, just to keep the smile on her face.

She didn't want him to see through the cracks in her foundation.

She needed to be perfect for him.

For him.

You’re perfect to me.

Always.

She waited for him to speak.

“I think… I think I’ve been doing something wrong,” he said after a moment, looking down at the floor, guilty like he had just made a huge confession.

“Something wrong?” she asked, her face almost moving, almost breaking.

Not quite.

Spencer looked up at her. Looked into her eyes. Really looked. He looked for a girl, a girl he might’ve known, a girl that he would remember. He looked, he looked, and he couldn't see anything. She was still just the girl he had first seen, still just a person, someone he didn't know. He looked once more.

Nothing.

“I think I was wrong.”

She looked back at him, looked into her eyes, the eyes that she actually knew.

They looked so sad.

“W-wrong?” She stuttered out, her eyes moving in concern, breaking. Spencer was never wrong.

“Do you know who I am?” Spencer asked. His face was unmoving like he already knew the answer.

“You’re Spencer. You're my-” she swallowed, climbing over the words. “You’re my friend.”

Spencer looked at her. He shook his head, ignoring the panic in her eyes. “No. Do you know who I am?”

“I-”

“Because I don't know who you are.”

Y/N closed her mouth. She looked in his eyes, scared by the harsh tone, scared by the words. She looked at him and she didn't see her look. He wasn't looking at her like he loved her. He hadn't looked at her like that in mon-

“I don't know who you are Y/N. I thought I might-” he paused, baffled at his past self. “I thought I might remember you. But I don't. To me, you are just a girl I met three months ago.”

She stared at him.

Just a girl just a girl just a girl-

This pain was a memory that would never go away-

“I don't think I’ll remember you. I think this was a mistake.” He said. Final. Unmoving.

She felt stuck to the ground.

Stuck in place, stuck to the pain clinging to her.

“M-mistake?” she said, the words forced out of her mouth. Her body was shaking like she was freezing, she couldn't imagine not feeling pain, she couldn't imagine not knowing Spencer, she knew Spencer she knew him she knew him.

“I think we were only fooling each other by hoping.”

Hope.

Hope wasn't a word in her vocabulary. Hope didn't exist in a world where Spencer didn't love her. Hope wasn't a thing, hope wasn't available. Hope. Didn't. Exist.

Hope.

What was hope?

“I think we need to stop. I don't want to hurt you.” Spencer said. His voice wasn't familiar. His face wasn't familiar.

Did she know him?

“I don't think we should do this anymore.”

Anymore.

Not anymore.

Always.

Not always.

Pain glued her eyes glued her mouth shut.

“I’m sorry Y/N.”

She watched him, frozen in place as he walked out the door.

She didn't know what he was thinking. She didn't know that Spencer did care, that Spencer had seen her once, that she came in glimpses. She didn't know that Spencer could see how much he was hurting her, how much spending time with him was destroying him.

She didn't see that he was trying to give her a clean break.

One that would hurt less.

She didn't know any of that. She only watched him pull her heart out of her chest, grab it, take it away from her, she watched as he threw it around.

She watched as he crumbled it.

He had said always.

***

There was a cloud in his head.

A cloud hanging over him, a cloud proving his world to be dark, to be covered in nothing but the dark clouds that surrounded him.

There was a cloud hung over his head.

The sun had disappeared.

Oh.

The clouds swirled around him.

He got dizzy with realization.

The sun.

His world titled.

***

my masterlist here

yes yes! its not over yet. but i hope you enjoyed. and understood. and i hope i didnt ruin your day with my writing.

final part here

#spencer reid smut #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds rp #criminal minds headcanons #mgg #mgg x reader #mgg blurb #mgg fanfiction

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sixtyeightdays · 4 years

Text

you reap what you sow

prompt from @mialuvscats : i hope this meets your expectations ! im sorry this took so long, i tried uploading it from my phone but it glitched and i could only get my hands on the computer today

i’d like to say that i think if sabine and mari are there, damian and talia willl be relatively looser and not as uptight . mari and sabine are cold but loving and sunshiney. they keep talia and damian in check, essentially. which is why i wrote them in to be loose and free but able to be openly happy when they want to be, even if they are only happy around each other.

with sabine here i also thinkt hat talia will be slightly easier on damian, which also ties to the fact that he will not be as cold and uptight.

talia will be a good mother in this fic bc i want her to be and itll be ooc but its okay its my fic anyway

and the timeline is kinda messed up and all over the place sorry

that aside, have fun reading and i hope you enjoy!

talia and sabine are best friends, and before most of the class joins francois, marinette ruled the school after coming to paris with sabine. mari and damian are betrothed and the two are best friends. they can be icy one minute and sunshiney the next, although the sunshiney part is more mari than damian.

maybe the waynes come to paris, bc if theyre in gotham the others wont really know if the queen is back, and theyre kinda unsure why marinette is being timid and very unlike her ice queen demeanor she sometimes uses. mari is closest to jason in terms of batfam because firstly maybe she cleanses jason of the lazarus pit after helping damian using tikki's creation magic to counteract plagg's destruction one. since the waynes are here theres no point in mari hiding her queen status anymore and queue lila reveal

Talia al Ghul and Sabine Cheng were an unlikely combination, but worked perfectly well.

The two women were extremely close. Sabine was almost as deadly as Talia, but she made up for it with her devious mindset. She was the one who steered Talia away from doing anything wrong --well more wrong than usual-- and the one who was assigned to dish out punishments to usurpers.

The two could read each other like open books, and hence, when both Talia and Sabine became pregnant, Talia one month before Sabine, the two knew immediately.

They had debated whether or not to have their kids be betrothed, and eventually decided to let their children make the final call when their kids were old enough to understand.

Nine months later, Marinette and Damian were born. In the League infirmary, an hour after the two were cleaned and left there to rest while their mothers did the same, the two had already grown rather close.

Their baby cribs were next to each other, and somehow they were staring at each other through the walls of the crib, and were making small grabby hands to the other.

When Talia and Sabine were sufficiently rested and came to pick up their children, they were slightly shocked, yet gratified by their children. Sabine smiled and draped an arm around Talia’s shoulder, smiling lazily.

“I guess they’ll be as close as their mothers, non?”

Talia smirked, and the two walked forwards, lifting their respective children in their arms and walking to their quarters.

The two mothers did not regret it. Their kids were enamoured with each other, practically joined at the hip.

By the time Marinette and Damian were 5, they had a very extensive vocabulary, since they had learned to speak Arabic, French and English. They were also extremely smart and skilled with weapons.

Marinette was extremely adept at using a yoyo. It seemed weird, I know. But when the League was stormed when she was 3, she had taken out 4 men with her yoyo alone. Since then, she had been teaching herself how to use the yoyo effectively.

Damian preferred to use a katana. He looked much scarier than Marinette, even if the two were the same age. He had found a natural talent in using blades, knives, katanas and daggers included.

Marinette was the Rain to Damian’s Fire.

She was the only one who could calm Damian down when he was mad, mad.

But make no mistake, Marinette could switch personalities in a heartbeat. She was one of the League’s most skilled interrogators at the age of 5.

After all, who would suspect a pigtailed 5 year old in pink to be scary?

Damian much preferred his stoic and icy attitude. The only people he ever let loose around was Marinette, Sabine, and Talia.

Talia and Sabine loved the children to an almost deadly extent, and the four were extremely overprotective of each other.

Marinette had taken to magic as well. She had been trained by many people in the League about sensing magic. Damian did not have the patience for magic and rituals.

Marinette knew Damian was more of a ‘attack first ask questions later’ type of fighter, a stark contrast to Marinette’s ‘i will curse you and you will suffer in agonising pain for the rest of your life’ preferred type of fighting.

She’d never really liked getting her hands dirty, hence the magic. Killing people with magic was so much cleaner.

Sabine and Marinette had to leave for Paris when she was 9. For what, she wasn’t sure, but regardless of the distance, she and Damian constantly traded calls and letters. They would never go even a day without contact.

They were staying with one of Sabine’s old friends. His name was Tom Dupain, and he was an old wrestler and had worked with the League before. He and Sabine pretended to be married and Marinette’s name had hence became Marinette Dupain Cheng.

Damian and Talia stayed at the League, although all of them knew that Damian was to meet his birth father when he turned 10.

Marinette adapted her icy demeanor in Paris, never wanting anyone to get as close as she was with Damian.

A few hours in, walking around Paris, she had met an elderly man in a red Hawaiian shirt, emitting the aura of magic. She had confronted him, and eventually, he opened up to her about the Miraculous. Tikki, the Ladybug kwami, and Plagg, the Black Cat kwami had taken a liking to her.

Marinette was apparently something called a True User, a reincarnation of the first Ladybug miraculous wielder. Plagg just rather liked the aura of death and chaos she apparently gave off, from the League.

She and the other Kwamis also had a rather amicable relationship, and she’d go to the ends of the Earth for the tiny gods, and vice versa.

The elderly man, named Fu, had also started to train her into becoming the new Guardian of the Miraculous.

Before, Marinette had been planning on laying low and not drawing atention to herself, but once she had beaten up two upperclassmen for bullying her classmate and somewhat accquaintance Nino, she had been fiercely regarded by both the students and faculty.

As a result, she eventually grew close to Nino, and his friends, Kim, Alix and Chloe. She only ever let down her icy demeanour around them, showing the bright and bubbly girl persona she kept hidden. She wasn’t as close to them as she was to Damian, but they were all still quite close friends.

It wasn’t long after that Marinette became the queen of her school, at the tender age of 10, earning her title as the Ladybug. Or, as Chloe liked to put it, the Lady, because she was lucky enough to ‘get a friend like her’.

Marinette didn’t protest. She rather liked Ladybugs, and besides, it was ironic and it reminded her a little of Damian, who sometimes liked to call her his Maribug. Because she was sometimes a pest, he deadpanned. Marinette had whacked him with a pillow.

Everyone in the school feared the Ladybug. No one knew anything of her past. She was a mystery, an enigma that no one could solve. When new students came in after Marinette turned 14, everyone was slightly shocked to see their Lady change.

She was much more bubbly and approachable. Word had spread around that Marinette, the Lady, was trying a clean slate for the new kids. After all, not everyone should fear her.

Probably.

School eventually returned to what it was like before Marinette became the Lady, although she did still rule the school, she did it much more subtly, with more restraint and secrecy.

One of the new kids, Alya, had taken a liking to her. Marinette did not like her very much, she was loud and clingy and drew a lot of unwanted attention.

Marinette and her old crew, who had playfully called themselves her Consorts before the name stuck, had split up temporarily, to cover more ground and spread their branches.

Chloe was to pretend to be Marinette’s bully, Kim and Alix rivals, and Nino a shy recluse. They had had a good laugh about it beforehand, before watching Moana, because Kim wanted to compare the size of his muscles to Maui’s.

None of them had accounted for Adrien Agreste, who had tried to get the gum off Marinette’s seat like the naive, sheltered boy he was. Marinette had admittedly gotten mad at him for screwing up a perfectly good plan, before ramping up her ice persona to like, a 2/10, to get the newbies off her scent and scare Adrien away.

It hadn’t worked, because the boy was apparently as stubborn as he was naive. But besides that, Alya had been really grating on Marinette’s nerves, especially since she was convinced that Marinette had a crush on the model. It was not true, of course.

Honestly, Marinette thought dryly, as Alya dragged her all over the place to.. somewhere, she wasn’t even sure anymore. But frankly, she didn’t particularly care. Honestly, the only boy she’d probably ever have a crush on would be Damian.

Not that she’d ever admit it.

When Marinette and Damian turned 10, she and Sabine had taken a plane to Gotham to meet up with Damian.

Damian had not been having a good time. He was very much unwanted here, that was clear.

Grayson seemed to be the only one trying to interact with him. His father, had been trying his best to stay out of Damian’s way, which he reciprocated. Todd was flat out ignoring him and Drake just seemed to be busy all the time.

After all, who would want to interact with a grumpy 10 year old assassin?

He missed Marinette.

It was the day Todd finally tried to open up to Damian, that Marinette had arrived. No one had told him that she was finally meeting him again for the first time in a year. Sabine had left Marinette to figure out where Damian was on her own. She was more than capable of it.

With a quick scrying spell, she found him, and Kaalki opened a portal headed in the direction of Wayne Manor.

Meanwhile, Damian just appreciated the fact that Todd was finally extending an olive branch. He was lonely.

It hurt seeing his father care for everyone in the manor apart from him.

He had been walking along the gardens in the manor. Todd had joined him.

“Listen, I know it’s hard to feel accepted here. Sometimes, I do.” Jason gazed wistfully at the sky above him.

Damian was unsure of where the ex-Robin was getting at, so he just kept quiet. It wasn’t as if Damian didn’t know who Jason Todd was. Before he had come to the manor with Talia, he had read the Waynes’ files. In addition, Damian had known of Jason while he was affiliated with the League. They had never talked, or interacted, but he had known of the elder boy.

“I just, uh, wanted you to know that if you ever need anything, you can come to me.” He finished lamely, running a hand in his hair.

Damian opened his mouth, then closed it, hesitating. “Thank you, Ja--Todd. I will.” He settled on saying dryly.

Jason visibly relaxed and cracked a miniscule smile. There was a sudden ‘swoosh’ sound, and both Jason and Damian turned around, bodies automatically going on the defensive.

Stumbling out of Alfred’s rose bushes, trodding on a few accidentally, was Marinette.

“Angel!” Damian exclaimed, moving forwards to help her forwards.

She brushed her shoulders off, looking around before freezing, staring at something behind him.

“Jay?”

“Pixie?” He asked, sounding incredulous.

Marinette rushed forward and wrapped him in a tight embrace. Jason laughed and hugged her back, chuckling.

Damian quashed down the bubbling feeling of rage in the pit of his stomach and settled for casting a frosty glance in their direction. Not that they noticed, since they were too busy embracing each other, Damian thought scornfully.

The two pulled apart after too long in Damian’s opinion, laughing.

“Angel? How do you know Todd?” Damian asked coldly, ever so protective.

If Jason noticed the sudden reversion to his surname instead of his first, he didn’t say anything.

“Oh, he came to Paris with Lia once and I cleansed him of the Lazarus pit madness, like I did with you.” She replied.

“What are you doing here?” Jason asked. Damian had forgotten about that.

“Visiting, of course!” She winked. “Now, let’s give your old man a good scare.” She pecked Damian on the cheek before vanishing. (Thanks, Trixx.)

Jason and Damian looked to each other. “Did you know she could do that?” Jason questioned. Damian shook his head before pausing.

“Wait.. how did she get into the manor?”

The only response was the faint echo of a laugh.

It was time for dinner anyway, and only Damian, Jason, and Alfred knew of Marinette’s presence. Marinette had voluntary evelaed herself to the elderly butler after noticing his aura.

It was Miraculous tainted. If Marinette could guess, he had been either one of Duusu’s, Sass’s, or Nooroo’s.

When the butler had retired to the kitchen alone, Marinette had unraveled Trixx’s magic veiling her and waved at the butler.

To hi credit, he didn’t so much as bat an eye before his eyes widened as he took her in. Marinette cut to the chase.

“Who was your kwami?” Alfred had surveyed her for a second before seemingly trusting her.

“Duusu.” He answered.

Marinette smiled. “I’m Tikki’s.” From her perch in Marinette’s left pigtail, the red Kwami pried open the folds of her hair, waving once at Alfred before sinking back into the recesses of the bluenette’s locks.

Alfred blinked. Once. Twice. “I’m presuming you’re staying for dinner?”

Marinette beamed. “I’m gonna scare the big bat.” Alfred nodded, accepting this. Marinette clapped her hands and she disappeared again. Alfred shook his head, smiling faintly.

Conveniently, it was one of the times where everyone was there. Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian. Rare these days, what with Dick in Bludhaven, Tim at WE, and Jason off being Jason.

Bruce was currently on his way back from WE, although it would take around half an hour. He had told everyone to start eating first. Perfect.

After Marinette’s encounter with Alfred, she had reappeared in Damian’s room, where she and Damian caught up. Just like old times.

She had disappeared again once she left the room, and Damian wasn’t entirely sure where she went.

Alfred set the the table as per normal, which Damian and Jason noticed right away. They looked to Alfred, who merely winked before stepping back into the kitchen and laying out the food.

There was a screech of a chair as Marinette, disguised as Bruce (Trixx in her right pigtail and Tikki in the left) sat down. Dick looked startled.

“I thought you wouldn’t be back till later!” Dick exclaimed.

Mari-Bruce shrugged. “Faster than I’d expected.” She answered, securing the veil of Trixx’s magic around her vocal chords, making her voice sound exactly like Bruce’s.

Jason inched away slightly from Bruce, though she pretended not to notice.

Alfred nodded at her as he reentered the room.

Everyone dug in, occasionally talking. It had been about 25 minutes before the sound of the door opening could be heard. Damian and Jason’s head shot up, thinking it was Marinette.

Mari-Bruce smirked. Showtime.

Bruce entered the room, not noticing Mari at first. Until the batboys gaped at him. He looked confused. What--?

Mari-Bruce was a pretty great actress. “Who are you?” She thundered, internally laughing.

“Who are you? I’m Bruce Wayne.” He answered, looking befuddled and frustrated.

“Impostor.” Mari-Bruce accused.

Bruce spluttered. “No! I’m the real Bruce!”

Mari-Bruce scoffed. “That’s what an impostor would say.”

Damian and Jason seemed to figure it out, although they probably weren’t sure which Bruce was the real one yet.

Tim rubbed his eyes. “Am I seeing double, or?”

Bruce said, “Ask me something the real Bruce would know.”

Dick looked torn, but did as requested. “Who murdered your parents?”

“Joe Chill.” They both said at the same time. Mari-Bruce and Bruce winced, selling the act.

“When’s my birthday?” Tim asked.

“July 17th.” Both Bruces answered.

Tim looked surprised. “You actually know my birthday?”

“No shit, Tim.” Mari-Bruce said, rolling their eyes. She rather wanted to proceed to the next part of her plan.

“Would I say that to you, Tim?” Bruce asked slightly desperately.

“Maybe?”

Bruce facepalmed. In the confusion, Mari took the chance to slink into the shadows where she rewrapped Trixx’s invisible magic around her.

Only Damian noticed. He smirked. “Where did he go?” He asked, placing a hand on the hilt of his katana for emphasis. He didn’t see Marinette smile at him.

Everyone looked panicked. “Search the manor.” Bruce ordered.

Jason still looked slightly skeptical but did as he said. Damian drew his katanas and tilted it in the direction he was going.

Amongst everyone, Bruce was the most attacked. While Jason and Damian paired off, Tim and Dick did as well, ("Don’t go alone!” Was Bruce’s admonished cry), Bruce had gone alone.

If she were being honest, Marinette had always had a grudge against the billionaire. He hadn’t saved his son, he had tried to kill his son, even though he had a no killing rule --which Marinette thought was plain stupid--, and he had left Damian to suffer at the hands of Ra’s Al Ghul.

Talia could only do so much to save her son.

Yes, Marinette was aware that Bruce hadn’t know Damian existed, but now he was still treating Damian as if he didn’t exist. Marinette knew how much Damian craved affection, even if he never admitted it.

Yes, maybe Bruce was getting better, but maybe she could.. spur the process.

So Marinette retaliated in one of the many ways she knew how.

Messing with them.

So when the Waynes regrouped in the dining room, Jason, Damian, Dick and Tim came back unharmed, and Jason had been filled in by Damian of his suspicions. But Bruce?

He came back covered in honey and feathers, drenched with water and covered in pink slime.

“Why is he going after me?” Bruce had questioned in that annoying voice of his, after looking over his spotless sons.

Jason shrugged. “Maybe he doesn’t like you. God knows he’s not the only one.”

Bruce looked slightly hurt but Jason didn’t seem to care in the slightest.

“Maybe this person is infatuated with you and is vying for your attention.” Damian deadpanned dryly. Marinette had smacked him on the back of his head, still invisible.

But the damage had been done.

Bruce snapped his fingers and ‘aha!’-ed at Damian. “That must be it!” Bruce crowed.

“Are you that narcissistic, you arrogant plebeian?” Marinette’s normally cheery voice was dry and dripping with distaste as she unwrapped her magic.

Bruce, Dick and Tim immediately went on the defensive, shifting into a battle stance. Marinette only scoffed.

“If I wanted to harm you, I would have already done so.” Marinette waved a hand in their direction dismissively.

Dick looked confused. “You’re like, ten.” He pointed out.

Damian glared. “I am ten as well, Grayson.”

Tim butted in. “Are we not going to acknowledge the fact that this tiny ten year old broke into the manor unnoticed?”

That brought everyone to their senses.

They were suddenly surprised by Marinette running at Jason, full speed. They expected him to duck or whip out a weapon, but all he did was stand still as she flipped in midair to land on his shoulders.

To their utter shock, Jason grinned, even as she fisted her hands in his hair for a better grip.

Damian only smiled fondly at his Angel. She was as short as he remembered, Damian noted.

He missed her. More than anything.

Marinette beamed, and slid off Jason’s shoulders.

“Why did you attack me?” Bruce asked. “Isn’t it obvious, fool?” Marinette revamped her icy demeanor and glared at the civilian Batman. “I despise you.”

Bruce looked very affronted. But Mariinette ignored him, even as he continued talking and made her way over to Damian.

“Damibear!” Marinette sang, as if she hadn’t seen him less than an hour ago.

The Waynes looked as if they expected Damian to attack her just for calling him that. They were not expecting him to grin and say, “Angel.”

Mari jumped on his back, and Damian merely repositioned himself accordingly, used to this from all her previous piggybacks.

“Okay so Jason and Damian helped her get into the manor.” Tim deduced, only to notice Jason and Damian shaking their heads.

“All by herself.” Damian and Jason chorused. Marinette made bunny ears on top of Damian’s head.

She kissed Damian’s forehead lovingly, replying to his ‘i am older than you’ with a ‘yeah by like a week’, and looked to his family.

She winked.

Then disappeared.

There was silence, and then, “Wait, we didn’t even get her name!” From Dick.

Damian and Jason were interrogated that night, and they refused to tell them anything related to Marinette.

Marinette smiled from where she had hidden in the shadows, and made her way back to Damian’s room. She curled up in Damian’s bed, drifting into sleep. She was almost asleep when Damian returned.

And when Damian pressed his lips to her forehead and whispered, “Goodnight, Angel”, a smile made her way onto her lips.

By the time Damian had slipped into bed with her, her head leaning comfortably on his chest, she had fallen asleep.

When the two turned 15, Talia and Sabine sat them down and told them about the betrothal. Damian had been visiting with Talia.

It had been almost two months since Lila had turned her classmates against her, not that she cared, of course. She still had her Consorts after all.

“Marinette, Damian, we’d like to tell you something. An offer? Of sorts. I’m relatively sure you will accept, however.”

Talia smiled as Marinette dragged a grumpy Damian over to them by the head, beaming brightly.

“Oh come on, Mian! Don’t be such a grumpy banana.” Marinette reprimanded the older boy who was rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

The boy only smiled lazily, and ran another hand through his best friend’s hair, the girl making a small noise of protest. “Thats what you get for calling me a noodle, Angel.” (if you didn’t know miàn means noodle in chinese)

Sabine cleared her throat but looked at the two with amusement clear in her eyes.

They straightened. “Sorry, maman,” Mari muttered.

“Now, before you two were born, Sabine and I had an agreement. We are perfectly fine with this and the implications of it, so it is up to you to whether to accept or not.” Talia got straight to the point.

The two children looked to each other curiously before turning back to their parents. Damian nodded in acknowledgment and Sabine picked up where Talia left off.

“How do you feel about each other?” Sabine asked, watching the two closely for their reactions.

“If that’s your way of asking us if we’re okay to be siblings, since you and Lia are dating, Maman--” Marinette started but was quickly interrupted by a barely noticeably flushed Talia.

“No, not that, and we aren’t dating, Nette.” Talia aimed a playful glare at the girl, who grinned and blew a raspberry at her.

“How would you and Damian like to be betrothed?” Sabine asked, smiling at her friend and daughter fondly.

Marinette spluttered and Damian coughed.

Talia and Sabine burst out into laughter.

After the adults got their laughter under control and after a few glares from their kids, Damian spoke up.

“Marinette is my best friend. If I had to be betrothed to anyone, I’m glad it’s her.” Damian looked away and Marinette coughed awkwardly into her elbow.

“You misunderstand us. You don’t have to be betrothed. The choice is yours.”

Damian felt slightly attacked. He really did like Marinette, and the betrothal was an easy excuse to ask her out (even if he was a 15 year old). He didn’t know if Marinette felt the same way, and he didn’t want to impose that on her, so he kept quiet.

Marinette, who was looking deep in thought, answered.

“Can I talk to Damian for a while, privately?”

Damian, despite his better judgement, winced. This was probably the first time in a really long time that Marinette called him by his full name. It was normally Dami, Damibear to annoy him, or some other weird nickname like Mr Grumpy Banana this morning.

Regardless, the bluenette hadn’t called him “Damian” for a very long time. Two years, maybe.

She walked out of the room, Damian trailing slightly behind, before stopping a few feet outside the room.

Marinette slid down onto the floor, her back pressed against it and head in her hands. Damian frowned. He didn’t want his best friend looking so.. dejected. He ignored the slight pang of hurt that the thought of being with him could get this kind of reaction out of her.

He sat down next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder like he always did when any of them felt upset. He was happy to feel her lean into his side like she always did.

She turned her head and buried it in Damian’s side, breathing in his comforting scent of paints and nature. He tightened his hold on her ever so slightly and she almost burst into tears.

It wasn’t that she was opposed to being in an engagement with Damian, it was just that she didn’t particularly want to be with anyone or love anyone, especially after her father died and Damian’s father abandoned him.

Her mother and aunt didn’t show it, but they were sad about their fathers. She had heard Talia interacting with her ‘beloved’ before, and it almost always ended up in tears or frustration. (Not that Mari blamed her, Bruce was kind of an asshole.)

She felt Damian’s chin press into her scalp and a hint of a smile grazed her lips. But this was Damian. Damian who was her best friend. Damian who supported her no matter what. Damian who comforted her and was there for her whenever she needed it.

Damian would never hurt her. And she was determined never to hurt him, ever, if she could help it.

She looked up and smiled at Damian. The smile he loved so much, the smile she always had on whenever she saw him, the smile that would unconsciously fly to her lips whenever she heard his voice.

Maybe it was then that Marinette should’ve known that she loved her best friend, but then again, she was only fifteen. She didn’t know what love was. But she would. Very soon.

“We accept.” Damian told Sabine and Talia when they reentered the room.

“We thought you would.” Talia replied.

When Marinette turned 16, her last year at Francois Dupont, six months since she’d made Lila’s time a living hell with her Ladybug (both in suit and in school), and fashion clients connections, the Waynes had visited.

Turns out, Damian and Jason got caught trying to sneak onto the Wayne private jet but instead of stopping them, they insisted they came along too, having pieced together that Damian and Jason were going to visit the mysterious tiny girl they couldn’t find the name of.

So they had no choice.

And os that leads to now, with the Waynes standing in the courtyard, elicting a growing crowd as they waited for Marinette, looking the part of scary rich people that can end your life without a problem.

Damian suddenly started running, and he hugged a girl. No one could see who the girl was because her head was buried in Damian’s chest and his body was shielding hers.

Not many people in the courtyard was surprised when they pulled away and standing there was Marinette Dupain-Cheng. After all, she was one of the most successful students in class that didn’t get fame from famous relatives. No, al her fame was hers alone.

In fact, the only people surprised were Marinette’s class, not-so-fondly referred to as the Akuma Class. Her Consorts were the only one who knew of her betrothed, Damian. Other than that, Marinette had never been willing to share.

When Marinette saw the other Waynes however, after hugging Jason, she rolled her eyes. Bruce, Dick and Tim stalked forwards, looking every inch the scary billionaires they were.

It was broken by Dick hugging the girl and gushing over how cool she was. Tim smiled at her and she had smiled back. Marinette flipped Bruce the bird.

“Why are you... so sunny? You definitely weren’t like that when you threatened us in Gotham. You were such an ice queen.” Tim mentioned, failing to keep the amusement out of his tone.

“What do you mean? Marinette’s always been like that, even if she is a bitch now. There’s no way she can be cold.” Alya remarked snidely.

Alix and Chloe stalked forward, raising thier fists threatningly. But Marinette only laughed coldly.

“You wanna see cold, Cesaire?” Marinette snarled, dropping all acts of being nice.

The Lady was back. Publicly.

The silence was interrupted by Rose, who asked, "But Lila, don't you know the Waynes?"

Said Lila had been trying to slink away unnoticed, but when her name was mentioned, all attention diverted back to her, effectively keeping her in place. Her pale face and scared eyes were enough to tell that she had indeed been lying.

Yells and screams broke out across the courtyard as the Akuma Class berated Lila for lying to them all this while. Until, Marinette interrupted, face set in a ice cold, stony position

"Okay, blame her for lying." She started. "But why did you believe her?"

The Akuma Class drew a blank and didn't respond. Partially because they didn't know what to say, and partially because Marinette's mere presence was overwhelmingly intimidating. Marinette sighed and pressed on.

"Everything the Liar has said can be found faulty by a simple internet search." It was true, and the class knew it. When no one replied, Marinette shook her head sardonically. "You reap what you sow."

She turned to her betrothed. In an instant, her icy mood was gone, replaced with the sunshiney-ness the Akuma Class had grown used to.

"C'mon, Dami!" She gave him a quick peck on the lips, hoisting herself up on Damian's back. Damian grasped her legs tightly, as she continued to be piggybacked by him.

"Onward!" She cried out dramatically, pointing to the school exit.

Damian only rolled his eyes fondly at his beloved, steering themselves out, her Consorts and his family behind them.

None of them looked back.

If they did, they would've seen the expressions of disbelief and regret etched onto every one of her old classmates' faces.

Not that they would care.

5k words yay

also uh yeah again, sorry this took so long, i kept hitting a mental block while writing this and it didnt manage to upload from my phone for no good reason :(

but anyway its up now, i hope u find this acceptable! :)

#maribat #mari is raised by the league #talia is actl a good parent in this fic bc i can #sabine is a queen as always #marinette is a godess #she is an icy queen #yes ik i spelled goddess wrong #mlb x dc #dc x mlb #ml x dc #dc x ml #betrothed #daminette #okay i think im done #i dont really know what else to tag

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thoriffix · 4 years

Text

fuck it. heathers au idea dump time

ok so. in this au we got:

roman as veronica

logan as jd

janus as heather chandler

remus as heather duke

virgil as heather mcnamara

patton as martha

character thomas as ms fleming

remy and emile as kurt and ram

now, ok. that doesnt make sense, i hear you cry, and i say hear me Out.

roman as veronica: roman and veronica r both desperate to be important, popular and loved. theyre also both a little bit horny and impressed by fighting prowess, with a lil bit of snark to round it out. hes also excellent and good and ofc hes gonna be the lead have you Met roman

logan as jd: ok at first glance this doesnt make sense, But. jd deliberately numbs his emotions because he doesnt want to experience them... sounds familiar hmm? rage is also the emotion logan expresses most violently and most often, and fuck if jd isnt full of rage damn i also want an excuse for logan to wear eyeliner and have the right to go a little bit feral, let him LOOSE! plus jd is generally one of da more knowledgeable characters, w the most references to literature and the ability to make a bomb, which idk ig thats kinda smart?

janus as heather chandler: in thomases own words "hes like the main mean girl" dude hes a shady bitch and hes not afraid to show it in canon hes manipulated roman into being on his side (i know i know hes getting better dont lecture me he is one of my favs) and i jus feel like he fits chandlers sass and Prestige most of all

remus as heather duke: ok, ignoring the most obvious point of The Duke being heather Duke, all remus seems to want is to be heard and listened to, which ties in nicely with dukes constantly being told to shut up wouldnt you say? also, if you can look me in the eyes and tell me remus isnt the most likely to sing shine a light reprise i dont trust you

virgil as heather mcnamara: i talked about this briefly before, but virgil as mcnamara just makes sense to me, cuz like ok. virgil can be sassy and mean as much as the next guy, but at his core hes just scared of not fitting in, and feels uncomfortable and anxious about his place, which like. reflects on mcnamaras fear of being kicked out of the heathers yknow? also, i have strong feelings about him singing lifeboat dont @ me

patton as martha: look. look. marthas character is based around a desire to go back to when things were easy and she didnt have to worry so much. sounds pretty similar to patton "things were so much easier when you were younger" sanders, eh?? also im weak for patton and roman being childhood best friends

character thomas as ms fleming: ok this is sort of where my reasoning starts to fall apart, but like,, he sort of has the most authority over the sides i guessss???

remy and emile as kurt and ram: yeah ok so maybe this is where my airtight reasoning runs out but. remile is a pretty popular ship considering the two have literally never met and yeah emile might be way out of character but honestly i have the least attachment to them hskfhskfh if anyone has any better concepts for remy and emile pls tell me

ok thats all i got!!! might draw patton sometime soon otherwise im jus gonna sprinkle it in here n there (id lov to make animatics but thats sm work) i hope u like it :]

#heathers au #grays heathers au #x #long post

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bladekindeyewear · 4 years

Text

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-08-23

More homestuuuuuck

I’m a little tired today so I don’t expect much intelligent analysis out of myself, but if anything classpecty happens I doubt I’ll be able to help myself regardless.

oh, always

(EDITS: added note on horn colors, link to ask on potential Blood powers reference)

> CHAPTER 12. Really Convoluted Metaphorical Horseshit

cuuute

In the bowels of a different ship, at a moment in time that is not pinpointable in either direction from the previous interaction, another Dave raps quietly to himself.

another dave raps quietly to himself. i am glad that phrase exists it brings me joy

(LATER EDIT: A friend on Discord pointed out that throughout this entire update, Karkat's horns are #FF0000 red. They were normal candy-corn colors in previous glimpses at the ship crew, though they used a dark single-color shortcut typical of old Homestuck at one point... but THIS time it stays STARK red even when we zoom in close later. Is this just artistic liberty? Did Karkat color his horns for fashion? Does this happen to red-bloods like the Sufferer after a certain age? Just how much time has actually passed, here? We might have to wait for the commentary for this one.)

KARKAT: I WAS SAYING I THOUGHT WE MIGHT GO, I DUNNO, ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE SHIP WHILE THE CLOTHES WERE WASHING. KARKAT: SEEING AS THIS DECREPIT MACHINE WE WERE SO BLESSEDLY PROVIDED WITH MAKES A WHIRRING SOUND SO PANCHAFINGLY ARHYTHMIC THAT IT THREATENS TO ERADICATE THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF TEMPO FROM THE UNIVERSE.

Karkat really has chilled out hasnt he? like this is surprisingly level for him, and that fact is hilarious.

KARKAT: AND YET SOMEHOW BASICALLY ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE WE STARTED THE LOAD IS THAT YOU’VE BEEN USING IT AS A FUCKED UP BEAT TO WHISPER TO YOURSELF ABOUT FLOWERS TO.

oh gosh that’s why he’s rapping

> ==>

DAVE: kanaya was telling me this kids story the other day about this dude who didnt cherish a flower enough until it peaced out to do flower stuff idk its not pertinent to the story DAVE: except the flower was a person DAVE: because it was a metaphor

Oh right, coming back to the Little Prince stuff I was too lazy to metaphor-deep-dive into, and literally asking the same questions we were asking about who the Little Prince’s story applies to mapped here if anyone at all, like Dirk and such, or what biases were in the retelling of it and the way Kanaya phrased it. So now we’re practically mocking it by deep diving it here, hence the last page’s “DAVE: i was just thinking through some really convoluted metaphorical horseshit”, which means we’re both about to further explore AND shit all over the existence of this story metaphor until it doesn’t mean anything and most of the meaning we drew from it earlier is made a joke~

well, not “we”, cause I was too lazy, so... y’all

DAVE: anyway what goes down in the story is that once the flower lady is out of the picture DAVE: the main character goes around making all these connections between her and everything else in the universe until every damn thing feels like a symbol for how much he fucked up and how much he will never see her again KARKAT: THIS SEEMS PRETTY FUCKING INTENSE FOR A KID'S STORY DAVE: yea thats pretty much what i said

Oh holy shit. That’s yet another way to put it. Are we doing a whole moral takedown of the Light aspect today? cause it sounds like we’re taking a dump on the Light aspect and RoboRose getting too obsessed and immersed in it, which would be excellent

DAVE: but i guess its not so much what the story was technically textually about but more like the version of it kanaya internalized and then told me when we were talkin about how she misses rose

exactly

DAVE: so like now im taking the story she told me she was projecting her feelings onto and projecting my feelings on top of that

yes absolutely, you just rephrased it a different way with that exact same bias

DAVE: this is just one big game of emotional projection telephone so feel free to go paraphrase it to roxy later and make it about whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing

perfect. i need an emoji for that Italian thing for when you pinch your thumb and forefinger together and kiss it

ah this’ll do:

its like the expression “choice” but in nonverbal form

[...] whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing KARKAT: YOUR ABILITY TO GET TO THE POINT DAVE: gotem DAVE: anyway you’re not gonna have to miss that skill of mine for long DAVE: get ready for this shit because i am about to slap you with the point so hard youll fall ass first into the washer DAVE: just scrambling around in there getting all sudsy DAVE: but your brain is gonna be so blasted from the mindfreak of a point im about to make that there wont be anything left to clean

Anytime dave is told to get to the point he is contractually obligated to spend at least 20 seconds talking about how he’ll get to the point in a way that is not getting to the point

DAVE: so its genuinely cool that kanaya can go around creating meaning that may or may not be actually present in every little thing DAVE: connecting every feeling she has to the idea of her wife existing out there DAVE: so i told her she should keep that shit up DAVE: but im having the opposite issue where im struggling to find anything to be that kind of tether because every single thing i could possibly consider about what it is were doing just reminds me of yet another thing to be afraid about

Great examples of Light being good and bad! Attaching strands of connective meaning to everything. --though, in Dave’s case AND Kanaya’s case you could argue it’s both bad in terms of effects. That it’s great for Kanaya to care, but that she should be able to divest herself and live on her own terms without idealizing Rose literally everywhere she looks, personal growth which would be useful in helping bring Rose back to her in the first place. The struggle they’re looking forward to is largely philosophical, not just physical, and until Rosebot acknowledges that she was wrong it’s not over.

DAVE: everything fuckin sucks huge cosmic donkey sack and im terrified KARKAT: OK, SO I FEEL LIKE YOU SKIPPED A COUPLE NECESSARY STEPS IN YOUR POINT CLARIFICATION PROCESS.

Pretty sure Dave was on the same page as most Epilogue and start-of-HS2 readers. This situation is pretty bleak to dump our heroes into, no matter how much we believe will be resolved in the long run.

DAVE: ok but were you going with sweet or savory please give me that much at least KARKAT: YEAH IT WAS GOING TO BE SUNDAE-BASED. DAVE: nice KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT: DO YOU WANNA WATCH MORE GBBO AFTER THIS? DAVE: absolutely

--ah, Great British Bake-Off, can’t say I’ve indulged

do they still have that?? did they save it from old Earth? or did they go where unflooded Britain used to be and say hey, new show reboot

KARKAT: GREAT. ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET HUMAN CHRIST, PLEASE BACK UP TO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU’RE ACTUALLY SCARED OF. KARKAT: ALSO COME HERE, IDIOT.

That last line is like, exactly as fucking sweet and awesome as we imagined their relationship to be. :)

> ==>

OH MY GOD THAT’S ADORABLE

DAVE: ok yeah this is a better position to unleash all my inner fears n anxieties from

indisputably.

DAVE: those times its like my mouth was saying words about the situation wherein our friends are AWOL and maybe dead but my brain wasnt fully letting me experience the emotion that goes along with them DAVE: man its like i cant even start genuinely thinking about how afraid i actually am for rose and john without my brain flippin its wad and whiting out DAVE: like haha fuck i hope theyre ok DAVE: now i better make a fuckin joke before i succumb to the gaping mouth of despair waiting for me to fall in it as soon as i look down and acknowledge that its there ogling how juicy my ass looks as it trembles with terror

I really hope that the writers of HS2 know full well that this feeling? the one Dave is describing here? is what many of us who got way overinvested in the well-being of Homestuck’s surviving characters felt reading the Epilogues and Homestuck^2. So I really hope they’re working through it in a way that will result in a preponderance of GOOD THINGS happening and hope-filled situations. Cause that “can’t even think about X” feeling is too familiar, and if they understand it as well as it LOOKS like they’re getting to, I’d really like them to give us a helping hand healing.

I think that’s what they’re going for? Seems hopeful for me to think so, but they HAVE been doing better as HS2 has been going forward, from an emotional standpoint anyway; definitely better than the Epilogues. And I’ve worked through some of that stuff with the help of that, because it’s MUCH easier nowadays to think about Homestuck without my gut clenching.

DAVE: i guess im just fucked up about how to worry about dirk and be angry at him at the same time DAVE: because if i get as unholy pissed at him as i sometimes wanna be i also gotta admit to myself that maybe i coulda done something different there

Mhmm, Karkat’s potentially a pretty good person to speak with here since he’s done so much work trying not to feel responsible for everything that’s ever gone wrong.

DAVE: also like DAVE: and this by the way adds a whole other layer of guilt on there that i dont really know how to fuckin reckon with but DAVE: even with all the shit hes pulled and the fact that we are more or less heading toward having to take him down DAVE: whatever that is gonna mean and whether or not he planned it like that DAVE: i just DAVE: me and him had come so far with each other and it was really cool for a while to have him and i DAVE: ugh DAVE: i dont WANT to hate him

Yeah, Dirk and Jane’s heel-turns were really shitty for anyone who was a fan of them in the fanbase, as well.

KARKAT: WELL THEN QUIT FUCKING PICKING AT THE SEAM ON MY SHORTS AND SPIT IT OUT. THEY'RE BARELY HANGING ON TO THE DEFINITION OF "SHORTS" AS IT IS.

That is an adorably real boyfriend-laying-in-boyfriend’s-lap thing to do

DAVE: the part i mentioned before about how we really have no goddamn clue how long this trip is even gonna take DAVE: i cant help but feel like its barely getting revved up DAVE: and for me and roxy and jade and callie and kan thats normal shit at best and boring at worst but we all have our immortality to thank for that DAVE: we can just dick around in space for near-eternity waiting to catch up to our friends who may or may not be our enemies now and itll be fine DAVE: i mean no itll be categorically miserable DAVE: but well survive it KARKAT: HOLD THE FUCK ON. DAVE: but you KARKAT: DAVE. DAVE: no lemme say this

Oh god damnit. Karkat’s limited lifespan. As if we hadn’t ALREADY covered a nauseatingly extensive gamut of disheartening topics of conversation. We really have to confront every shred of misery in their past, present and future one after the other after the other in the Epilogues and HS2, don’t we? >:(

I guess it had to be discussed, though.

DAVE: we dont talk about it much and i got shit to say about it DAVE: its not like i never thought about how youre mortal before but i just thought wed be able to figure it out before it mattered DAVE: come up with some kind of plan DAVE: i was just distracted being happy with you i fucking guess and so i didnt think up a way to fix it DAVE: and now thanks to dirk we have to work it out right the fuck now DAVE: because i cant spend this trip just sitting around watching you get old and die

Jesus. I mean, WE know(?) that it’s not gonna be THAT many years, but THEY don’t know that.

Unless it really IS going to be that many years and HS2 is going to shamelessly take a fucking sledgehammer to our feelings for no goddamn good reason. Which it won’t! Right??? >:T

> ==>

Dishwasher ding

> Dave: Grapple with the clean, soggy consequences of the passage of time.

Hey, don’t make it a metaphor here. --though, fuck. I suppose we are dealing with everyones dirty laundry. God damnit. SURE, deal with it all story but then GET IT OUT OF THE WAY AND PUT SOME SERIOUS FUN AND LAUGHS IN HERE so we don’t feel like we’re wading through an entire garbage dump!!! *click*

Karkat’s eyebrows-only mouthless frown is really cute.

> ==>

okay Karkat explain the nope you’re lodging

> ==>

*put*

> ==>

*foot*

> ==>

DAVE: ok go on

I mean I at least appreciate the time investment in adorable boyfriends. That’s definitely something of SOME good value they’re giving us in exchange for this misery

> ==>

That Karkat image makes me wanna do that red-shaky-gif-thing with it

KARKAT: IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NEW TO THE PARTICULAR MOOBEAST WRANGLING EVENT OF SOMEONE I PREVIOUSLY LOVED BRUTALLY TURNING ON ME AND LEAVING ME TO TRY AND CRAM MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE SITUATION BACK TOGETHER ALL ON MY OWN.

True

KARKAT: HE DID THAT ON HIS OWN. AND WE MADE THE CHOICE TO GO AFTER HIM ON OUR OWN.

Yes, and you’ll possibly convince him more of that over time, though not in this short conversation

KARKAT: I WAS FOLLOWING YOUR LITTLE TRAIL OF COOKIE CRUMB FEARS UNTIL IT LEAD TO THE BIG SNACK FINALE OF WORRY ABOUT MY FRAGILE MORTAL MEATSACK. KARKAT: IF I HAVE SOMEHOW NOT BEEN CLEAR ABOUT THIS WITH YOU YET, LET ME GO AHEAD AND RECTIFY THE SITUATION RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. KARKAT: HANGING OUT WITH YOU ON THIS LONG TRIP TO WHO THE SHITTING FUCK KNOWS WHERE IS QUITE LITERALLY THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE MEAGER EXISTENCE. KARKAT: I'M SO ABSOLUTELY BLISSED THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUR STUPID IMMORTALLY SMOOTH HUMAN FACE SKIN EVERY DAY AND NOT HAVE A COMPLEX ABOUT IT.

D’AWWW

And with that darkly angry expression too, that’s PERFECT

I mean it’s true. What exactly would they be doing DIFFERENTLY on Earth C other than enjoying each other like this? It’s pretty fucking great.

...hm. Isn’t this journey-not-the-destination stuff pretty Breathy? Karkat’s proving more balanced by the moment.

KARKAT: AND I'LL BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN EXPERIENCING SOME COMPLICATED GUILT, MYSELF. KARKAT: THE FACT THAT I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE JUST FUCKING CHILLAXING AND BEING IN LOVE IN SPACE IS A CLEARLY INCONGRUOUS WITH THE REASON I'M ACTUALLY HERE CHILLAXING TO BEGIN WITH, AND I'M NOT LETTING MYSELF FORGET THAT, EITHER.

Pff. He feels guilty for ENJOYING IT so much. <3

KARKAT: BUT I RESENT THE IMPLICATION THAT MY HAPPINESS IS REGISTERING FOR YOU AS YOU HAVING TO JUST "SIT AROUND AND WATCH ME GET OLD," BECAUSE I KNOW YOU KNOW IT'S MORE THAN THAT.

I’m glad Karkat knows that DAVE knows somewhere in him that it’s more than that, because yeah, if Karkat thought he DIDN’T know that at some level that’d be a reason to take MUCH MORE SERIOUS offense.

KARKAT: LIKE, JESUS, DAVE. YOU KNOW I'M AFRAID FOR YOU, TOO, RIGHT? KARKAT: OR DID YOU FORGET THE WHOLE HEROIC DEATH THING? KARKAT: I WORRY ABOUT LOSING YOU FAIRLY FUCKING REGULARLY.

Hah!!! Point taken. Karkat must view Dave as practically more fragile than HIM.

KARKAT: ONE: WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA THAT I REFUSE TO NOT ENJOY THIS SHIT WHEN I FINALLY FUCKING GET IT, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT MAY OR MAY NOT LAST. KARKAT: TWO: IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE DOING NOTHING. WE’RE MOVING. WE’RE WORKING. WE’RE HEADED SPECIFICALLY TO A PLACE WHERE WE WILL UNDOUBTLEDLY ENDURE YET MORE FUCKING HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA. KARKAT: AND THREE: WE'RE DOING THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE FRIENDS WHO WE CARE ABOUT THAT NEED US. THAT IS OUR FOCUS, HERE. NOT OUR FEAR. IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WE HAVE TO SAVE. KARKAT: SO DON'T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT ME, DAVE. I'M FINE.

Okay, this is great and wholesome. I am now retroactively GLAD that this topic got brought up. :)

> ==>

Dave is still afraid. There is a part of him that will always be, he thinks. He has accepted this about himself. There is another feeling coursing through him too, though. It’s something he's felt before, though never quite so intensely. He looks up at Karkat and understands, viscerally, the simple power his words have. They pump through Dave’s own body, alive and warm and true.

He wonders if Karkat realizes it, or if he’s just, as always, saying what he feels as he feels it. Dave doesn’t attempt to dissect it further. There will be time for that later.

Every really loving moment like this is sort of undercut by the fact that it’s also, in some senses, part of alt!Calliope’s narration and, by extension, her fanfiction.

EDIT 2: There's also either a hint to potential Blood powers or even an explicit Blood power use here that I didn't recognize. I'm leaning towards it's-laying-the-groundwork-for-future-use-of-Blood-powers-but-isnt-magical-in-this-case.

> ==>

Smooooch!

That was nice. Still gonna wait on doing any commentary til next time or a Bonus update or two, cause I’m beat. See y’all next time!

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #spoiler #spoilers #Breath and Blood #Light and Void

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imaanoverdesires · 3 years

Note

Salaam Sister, I hope you're fine In Shaa Allah. Of recent I've been having these thoughts, bad thoughts about Islam, I'm so scared wallahi. I don't want to lose my Islam, or faith in Allah. Please what I need is advice, I know things haven't been easy for you either and In Shaa Allah I will keep you in my duas, but please help me with any useful advice.

Someone who helped me a lot with my Faith, a revert, left Islam (I'm not sure if they did entirely but they said that they were having doubts about the Faith and that it seemed unrealistic for them to conclude they were in the true Faith) this has made the thoughts come to me more, and I keep thinking maybe I should look into other religions. ASTAGFIRULLAH. I wish I was firm in Faith. I want to be. I don't want my connection to Allah to fade. Please advise me. It's so scary how people's hearts change all of a sudden wallahi. May Allah keep us firm till our last breath In Shaa Allah.

و عليكم السلام و رحمة الله و بركاته

Sorry for the late responses, because i dont really check my tumblr nowadays.

First of all, may Allāh strengthen your imān and always guide to be always in His path. Aameen.

For advice, let me try my best. Let me make it into points, okay?

1. Whenever you have thoughts about leaving Islam or Allāh, do istighfar as much as possible. Seek for His forgiveness. Because its clearly a was-was, shaytān is playing with us when our imān is being low. Go take wudhu and make 2 raka'ahs prayer and make ‪duʿā‬ for forgiveness, His guidance, certainty, ask Him to strengthen your imān, and to grant you righteous friends.

2. Seek knowledge more and more so it will also strengthen your imān and to improve your knowledge about this Deen because ‘ilm is a also weapon for weaknesses like this.

3. Block all the things which cause your imān drops.

I know those advices are not easy to do so. Everthing is always easy said than done. Even me... i have been dealing with a lot since the past 6 years and still on ; and things are triple difficult since i have mental illnesses. Sometimes i have a thought that Allāh hates me, i just want to die, i give up on this religion, and many more. But then i try so hard to get rid of them all. I watch dawah on youtube, i seek knowledge, i talk to friends who can advice me or just to listen to my rants, i read books. If i need to cry, i cry and let all the pain out. But i never ever let my good friends go. Theyre like gems to me and very valuable.

Please make sure you make friends with the righteous ones. The ones who can advice you, who can accompany you when youre down. Buy knowledgeable books like seerah of the Prophet ﷺ, fiqh, or any other islamic books. Always always make ‪duʿā‬ whenever those thoughts come into your mind.

May Allāh help you and make it easier for you. Aameen. Sorry i cant give the best advices. 🙏🏻

#AskJ

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messrmarauder · 5 years

Note

sup’ share your remadora headcanons pls

i have too many, here we go!

‘amused, impressed, smitten’ happened so damn fast because they spent so much time together doing order work and she would come over to try and cheer up sirius a lot

they get on straight away, always laughing and joking and they flirt but it’s a joke, it’s a just a joke.. right?

so he was basically completely in love with her within a month

he doesn’t know it though because they’re just friends, right? and friends think about friends all the time right? like all day? and all night? and friends can’t sleep because friends winked at them at 3pm? and friends feel their heart shatter when someone subtly teases their friend about someone that may or may not be another man? and friends secretly switch shifts around so they’re on the same guard watch and missions together? and friends walk each other home all the time? even though it’s a 40 minute walk each way and its far easier to floo but if she floos he wont get that kiss on the cheek that he thinks about the entire walk home and then regrets it because its creepy isn’t it? because she’s so young? and she doesn’t know that he’ll lay in bed and think about it for hours wondering why he cares so much but they are just friends

then one day he’s writing her a letter, about something that doesn’t matter and is definitely something that doesn’t require a letter to be sent to her while she’s at work, but he’ll find any excuse at this point. and it just hits him, he thought something to himself about how even thinking of her made his entire day and it sounds far too similar to something james had once said about lily when he was trying to explain how he knew she was the one

he panics. he panics hard. he sits for hours completely still just wondering what the fuck he can do, until he decides to write to dumbledore saying he has to leave London, he can’t face her loving someone else, he thinks he would literally explode. but he calms himself down, there’s a war, harry needs him. so he bins the letter. he knows she would never think of him like that so he feels no guilt being her friend. because theyre just friends.

and the worst part is, to her, they really are just friends. it creeps up on her slowly, rather than being hard and fast like it was for him.

so for the most part, theyre just really close friends, joking and flirting, and he’s hiding the fact he’s completely in love with her and she doesn’t know but sometimes looks at him a bit suspiciously at the things he does or says that are a bit too soft and a bit too caring. but he slowly becomes her best friend

the order can tell straight away, its pathetic, he’s a mess around her despite them being so comfortable around each other. what they don’t see is that he literally pines for her. at 35. listening to all those songs about love knowing he’ll never have it

he’s badly jealous and can get quite nasty and judgemental if she has a date or talking about her exes. he used to really like bill, they get on great and he’s a good laugh, but he doesn’t speak to him for 3 weeks after finding out he and tonks had a drunken night once years ago and repeatedly tells sirius he’s a self-obsessed prick and hints to molly that bill needs a haircut. he used to support the montrose magpies until he found out tonks used to see the current captain, they never win anyway, remus thinks it’s probably because of him

molly even sits tonks down for a strong word about ‘being careful with him and letting him down gently because none of us need a broken heart in this war’ and tonks just laughs but she does start to notice what the rest of the order sees but she thinks maybe he’s just got a little crush and that’s fine because maybe she thinks he’s cute too? maybe

she falls for him way after he has and its not as terrifying, she doesn’t even think about it. it just sort of dawned on her one that that’s what it was, the thing they had going on, it made sense

she tells her friends about this guy from her ‘duelling team’ to secretly get advice on him

they end up together about 3 months before sirius dies after 100 ‘almost kisses’ and cuddling in bed as ‘friends’ because ‘the other rooms don’t have heating charms’ and holding hands because ‘she falls a lot padfoot, shut up’

there’s a fight with the death eaters and they think each other have been hit so when its finally over they’re running and screaming for each other until they dramatically run into each other’s arms and kiss and its all very romantic until mad eye shouts ‘HANDS OFF MY AUROR LUPIN’ and they break away and grin at each other

the next few months are bliss and they’re rarely apart, sirius moved from teasing remus about fancying her to glaring at him and giving him ‘the big brother talk’. remus quickly tells him to fuck off but tonks thinks its hilarious.

tonks friend finds out about them because he’s visiting her while she recovers after being really badly injured in the department of mysteries. she doesn’t take it well and starts telling tonks she’s crazy etc and tonks is like fuck off then bigot

but it reminds remus of how people see him and therefore how they will now start to see her. he’d never really thought about it because he never imagined them actually being together because it seemed so unrealistic. now he’s in full meltdown mode about what he could actually give her, which coincidentally, is nothing

they fight about it. they break up. remus decides to go and spy since that’s all he can offer the world. tonks is sent to guard hogsmeade/hogwarts since she’s not fit for detective duties.

he announces in a order meeting that he’s leaving and that’s how she finds out. he says he has nothing to lose when someone mentions the danger. it just makes her angrier, that she’s sitting there loving him, but he says there’s nothing for him. she says she loves him when he leaves. quite angrily. and disapparates before he can react

he shows up on her doorstep less than a month later, face black and blue, filthy, teeth missing, broken bones, after being caught out. he expects her to shudder and be disgusted when she opens the door but she kisses him. she starts to clean him up when he says he had to come back to tell her he loved her, he didn’t want to die without saying it. he says it 400 times that night, he can’t stop.

he leaves the next morning while she’s asleep and doesn’t say goodbye. this is the start of the ‘grief fucking’. something happens, he comes back, kissing her, saying life’s too short, that they need each other, he ‘stays the night’, she thinks they’ll be fine but he leaves in the middle of the night every time, and she breaks all over again. he knows its not fair and promises himself that he won’t do it next time someone dies but he does because he needs her

dumbledore told him to take something with him while he’s spying that will make him feel human and keep him sane. so he takes a picture of her, he’s scared he’ll forget her smile. but they find it, the werewolves, and he’s come back smelling of her one too many times so greyback decides he’s going to teach him a lesson about running away to witches. remus finds out about it and sends word that she needs to be hidden immediately

he goes to see her to explain he needs to be completely cut off from her and she needs to deny all knowledge of him, he needs to fully be isolated from the wizarding world for this mission to work. but she’s seen what this mission has already done to him, he’s a mess, physically, mentally, he talks of himself as if he is one of them, he’s adopted far harsher habits and doesn’t have his usual patient personality. she doesn’t want to hide, she wants to fight them, fight for remus, fight for them, so they start to argue and he’s so terrified of greyback getting her he’ll do anything to get her to forget him. so when she screams “but it doesn’t matter, if I love you and you love me-“ he turns around and screams “I DON’T LOVE YOU” and he says it while looking right in her eyes and he sees the light leave her eyes and she looks down. he didn’t mean it, he was just desperate for her to understand and he’s trying to take it back, trying to explain but she shouts at him to get out. he goes back to the pack to try and blend in again, hoping she’ll stay hidden

there’s an emotional wizarding condition about shock that makes your eyes, ears, nose bleed and cough up blood etc, it’s pretty nasty. she gets it and gets it bad because she was so sure about their love but now she’s utterly convinced he was speaking the truth, he’s a bad liar and who would ever lie about that? mad-eye finds her bleeding out in her flat soon after remus leaves, she’d started choking on her own blood and she couldn’t see, she signalled him, he takes her to st mungo’s. he’s been alerted by dumbledore about the situation so he knows the werewolves can’t know her whereabouts so he gets a professional wizarding copycat, whose hired to walk around hogsmeade under polyjuice as a decoy while she recovers. she’s in hospital feeling completely useless and pathetic, what kind of auror doesn’t know someone’s not in love with you? she sits for hours thinking about how disappointed mad-eye must be, how dumb she is, how every touch, every kiss, every i love you, it was all a lie. she analyses every moment they had together, convincing herself they were all fake and trying to understand what his motive was, if he was just lonely?

the pack catches the fake tonks but remus doesn’t know about mad-eyes plan so he wakes up to the pack making a riot and goes over to check it out only to see tonks screaming and being hurt and groped and attacked. he is forced to watch greyback rip out her throat while they hold him back, he’s screaming and begging, then they drop her and move on to him. he’s battered but not enough to kill him. once they leave him he’s able to grab her and disparate to the burrow. arthur is in the garden and suddenly remus is just there with her, both covered in her blood, her throat ripped out, on the grass screaming.

the weasleys don’t know about the plan either and try to get him away from her, but he wont stop screaming and holding her and saying sorry, begging her, telling her he always loved her, that he’s a liar. he cant stop thinking about the last words he said to her, ‘I DON’T LOVE YOU I DON’T LOVE YOU I DON’T LOVE YOU’ and that she believed that. she died believing he didn’t love her and knew he and his kind were the reason she was dead. he cant take it and suddenly his wand is at his throat and he says the words as bill dives for his wand but blood splatters everywhere and he falls backwards and molly is screaming. he’s managed to cut himself but not his throat, thanks to bill. he spends 2 days in percys old bedroom on suicide watch begging bill to empathise and give him his wand back, ‘what if it had been fleur? if you had killed her, bill’ until they switch it to charlie who remus cant even look at considering the long feud he’s had with him for being on-and-off with tonks. he’d once told tonks that charlie was a fucking idiot, what kind of fucking idiot would ditch her for dragons? probably the same kind that left her for werewolves

after they both find out the truth, dumbledore breaks it to him, tells him about mad-eyes plan. mad-eye is trying to explain to tonks that remus had been caught with a picture of her, that the werewolves knew he wasn’t loyal because of her, so they killed her, or so they thought. she doesn’t want to see him, it doesn’t make a difference, he doesn’t love her anyway does he? he just feels guilty. but she needs to know why he had the picture and mad-eye says if she doesn’t go to see him he’ll probably break into her house, seeing the state of him. so she agrees to meet him at the burrow. he’s so relieved he’s openly sobbing on his knees, holding onto her and she’s thinking this is awkward and fully to do with guilt and nothing to do with love. he tries to explain how he had to say it to get her to stay away, that he was beyond desperate and she doesn’t believe him. ‘you can’t look into the eyes of someone you love and say that’ and he doesn’t really have an answer, just mumbles something about life or death.

after molly tells her all the details and how distraught he had been, she rethinks and goes to see him again. they talk it out properly, not screaming for once, they’re both too tired in this war and he’s too grateful to see her with her throat intact to be angry. she tells him about being in hospital but downplays it a lot, he’s still beating himself up about it until she points out she would have been caught by the werewolves if she wasn’t. they only see each other at order meetings until christmas.

he didn’t know about her patronus until harry mentioned it. he goes to see her, she is alone, but she had been working a double shift. he asks to see it and she refuses, says it’s not really any of his business unless he wants to be with her, but as he explains more about it, she thinks he’s realised they can’t be apart if this is true, so she shows him but it makes no difference because it was the usual ‘stay the night but leave again as soon as she fell asleep’ situation. she turns hopeless, if her patronus isn’t enough to show him how willing she is to sacrifice things to be with him, nothing ever will be.

after the hospital wing scene they go to grimmauld place to destroy any evidence before snape lets the death eaters in. he tries to avoid her but she catches him just to say that he’s right and they don’t have time to fight each other now that Dumbledore is gone, that they need to focus on the war, they’ve too much to do. he just nods but he doesn’t feel right. is that really it? shouldn’t he feel happy that she’ll be spared his life? but she’s still not happy he thinks. he sits up all night in the house they fell in love in and thinks maybe mcgonagall was right.

she goes home to sleep before the ministry spend all day interrogating her about dumbledores death tomorrow, but he wakes her up in the middle of the night, he asks to come in, she says there’s no more ‘grief fucks’ that she cant handle being used like that anymore. he says it’s not like that, obviously she’s not going to believe him but it’s different. he says he can’t go to the burrow, that he doesn’t want to intrude after what just happened. tonks lets him stay but only on the couch, and he thinks maybe he has lost her for good. he’s fucked her about too much and for too long. he wonders how he can show her he won’t leave this time.

the next few days are him trying to convince her this isn’t grief, its real and he is back for good, and her saying he just wants what he can’t have now and he’ll get over it in a few days. they go about missions together because she is on suspension for failing to protect the school

they’re on a weekend mission together away in scotland and they’ve kind of gotten cosy together again, almost like they’re back together but he sees her doubting him constantly, like she thinks it’s too good to be true and he’ll leave again so she doesn’t want to get too close. so it hits him that he has to prove that this is permanent so he abruptly says ‘marry me’, it’s not a question. she just laughs asking if he’s hit his head but he’s gotten very serious and says he’ll prove this is serious by marrying her, she thinks he’s fucking insane and says absolutely not but they get back together and she says she trusts him. but he keeps mentioning getting married to prove he’s here to stay after so many times of walking away but she keeps refusing him, saying they don’t need to, that it doesn’t matter. eventually he gets really emotional about how it’s really important to him to feel secure together, that they need a solid confirmation of this thing, and she agrees and they get married two days later.

it’s not a secret for long, her friend turns sides and rats them out to the death eaters,

umbridge sacks her for ‘beastiality’ in front of the entire auror department and she swears she’ll never work for the ministry again

the pregnancy is a mess. he leaves while she’s screaming at him saying if he leaves, that’s really the end of them, no going back, their marriage will be void. he leaves anyway. she waits all night for him, when he doesn’t return that night she waits until 3pm the next day before packing some stuff and going back to her parents, knowing that there was no going back this time.

he comes back to her parents, where they stayed after her parents were attacked, and andromeda screams and refuses to let him see her and says the flat has been sold and she’ll be out by monday so he better pack his shit and fuck off quickly. he has to plan the right moment to catch her in the flat by herself. she’s calm, terrifyingly calm for a pregnant women whose husband walked out on her, just packing boxes, telling him all his stuff is in the small amount of boxes in the livingroom, he can have that spare cauldron if he wants. he tries to talk to her about it but she keeps dismissing him, trying to ignore him, she shuts him up with ‘look, i know you were scared, i know you always come back, i know that but i wont have a child sitting at the window wondering if daddy will come back this time. that’s not fair, they didn’t ask for this, i did.’ and he knows he has no argument.

she says there’s post for him on the mantle and he finds a letter addressed to him with her wedding ring in it. he can’t stop himself, he’s begging her to put it back on, on his knees, half hysterical, trying to put it back on her. she says he broke his vows, theyre not together, why should she wear it but his begging gets to her and she puts it back on to shut him up but she doesn’t take it off again

he spends the next month completely doing up his father’s old rundown cottage, complete with baby room and every method of protection he can do. he doesn’t know how to show it to her since he’s seen andromeda burning his letters and only ted answers the door, so he waits in her parents back garden for hours until he catches her on her own and begs her to come see what he’s been doing. she hesitates but he looks quite manic and like he hasn’t slept in weeks so she agrees just to make sure he’s not lost the plot. he shows her around while she’s silent, he’s talking far too quickly and looking far too frantic, as if he expects her to run out the door any second. he explains everything at lightning speed, how it is for her and the baby, its made for them, how he doesn’t have to be here, he’s been staying in the spare room while he set it up but he’ll be gone the second they want it, how he’ll send all the money he gets, he’s got bill to take out some gold for him - it’s in the kitchen, how he’ll get any medicine or pregnancy things she needs so she doesn’t have to leave hiding, he’ll help her move in if she needs, if it is a werewolf he’ll do everything, if she wants. he looks so desperate so she says she’ll think about it but she breaks down when she’s leaving, shouting that this is what she wanted for them, not just her and the baby. that it should be them living here, not just her and the baby. she moves in at the end of the month.

it’s a really horrible pregnancy due to stress and inability to see a healer whenever they need. he comes home one day and she’s screaming, he finds her covered in blood. they risk getting a healer. the healer says there’s a large chance that the baby hasn’t survived. she’s hysterical, crying and screaming and hitting remus, saying he wished for this, he prayed the baby would disappear. she knows it’s not true, that he loves this baby already but she’s so distraught. its andromeda that defends him, tells her shes being ridiculous, that he’s done nothing but try and provide for this baby, put the baby first always. remus is grateful but still blames himself, for not being grateful for this child.

when teddys born they nearly write edward john lupin down but remus thinks its not right. every lupin baby carries john as a middle name, they always have but he wants to honour james, wants to thank harry for setting him straight, giving him the good bollocking that lily would have. so he adopts the potter tradition, of using the fathers name for the middle name. he thinks it will sound self-conceded but tonks thinks its fitting that he should have something in common with his godfather, especially if he might not get the chance to meet him. so it is edward remus lupin

I have a lot of pregnancy/teddy headcanons but this already ridiculously long so let’s skip that.

they live and harry moves in with them to give the weasleys space after fred. especially since hermione now stays in rons room, there’s not much space for harry. it’s great but there are postwar stresses and pumps. she finds out a lot of her friends are dead, theyre both unemployed with a small baby, werewolf legislation is still awful and then there’s charlie weasley who sends a letter essentially saying if she wanted to restart her life in romania after the war, charlie would help tonks and teddy move. remus opens it and the house is tense for a while.

I also have a lot of headcanons about charlie/tonks and remus and charlie having beef throughout ootp/hbp/postwar but we will skip just now.

they have a second son when teddy is around two. they don’t really have the money but they are both thrilled and were in a ‘not trying but if it happens, it happens’ mindset because neither liked being an only child and teddy is so wonderful and definitely not a werewolf. therefore alastor john lupin is born. teddy and ally don’t get on that well, both are hufflepuff and ally is a mini athletic remus, quidditch obsessed compared to music obsessed teddy. harry is godfather to both, and spoils them beyond belief.

remus eventually ends up at the ministry for a werewolf investigation unit that works with the aurors to stop packs, offering support/help to recently bitten and werewolf integration into wizarding society. he eventually gives it up to home school teddy and look after ally then goes back to teach at hogwarts a few years before the boys arrive.

tonks becomes head of the auror training division after the war and trains harry and other new aurors because she doesn’t want to be out in the field again as a mum but is too good a dueller to be stuck on desk work.

she visits remus in hogwarts one day because shes in the castle anyway and some boy shouts ‘sir?? is that your wife?? shes FIT’ and remus goes ‘yes youre very right mr ross, lets discuss it in Thursday detention’. ‘its not his fault im hot remus, leave him be’. teddy demands his mother never return to hogwarts since his friends wont stop teasing him about how fit his mum is, ally doesn’t mind because his friends are 11 and don’t know how hot she is. remus secretly loves it.

i am so sorry for how long this is but im avoiding uni work and you gave me an excuse

#remus x tonks #remadora #remus lupin #nymphadora tonks #tonks #andromeda tonks #teddy lupin #ally lupin #emma mwpp #post war #hp #sirius black #harry potter #harry potter fanfic #remadora fanfic #remus x tonks fanfic

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fairycosmos · 4 years

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tried to kill myself last week n slept it off for 24+ hrs before telling my mom. she couldnt take me to the hospital bc we don’t have insurance n my case manager ended up calling dcs /: (ill be 17 next month) rn i feel like theyre waiting for me to say myself i dont wanna live here rather than just removing me bc technically i am safe but im not ready to do that even tho i know i should let them find me help. i feel like theyre waiting for me to mess up to decide themselves. i just feel lost man

oh god, i’m sorry for the late response and that you’re in this position at all, man :( i literally cant imagine how difficult everything must feel right now, and i dont blame you at all for being lost. most 16 yo olds are, but add something like this into the mix, and it’s no surprise that you’re feeling so conflicted and hurt all of the time. i know it hurts to process such vitriolically negative emotions, but it’s also a normal human response. imo, what the real focus should be on, is doing what you can to cope in a healthy or safe way. even if some days, that just looks like crying in your room and waiting for it to pass. but anyway, i want to say that i’m genuinely glad you’re still here, and i hope that one day you can feel that way too. it’s wonderful that you’re alive, and the world would be missing something if you were gone. even if you dont know it right now, and even if you can’t see it in this moment, there is so much growth and positive change waiting in your future. it’s actually inevitable, and nobody really tells you that when you’re a teenager, but it’s kinda true from what i’ve observed. the natural progression of things, the natural process of growing up, makes things feel a lot more manageable. that probably doesn’t feel like a real train of thought to the present day you, but honestly even in the 3 yrs since i was 16, the entire basis of my perspective has changed. especially bc as an adult you’re able to control so much more of your life and the mental health resources that are available to you. it’s all waiting for you, and it’s nothing to be scared of. you dont have to know what to do next and you dont have to have a solid concrete plan. i’m not sure that they’re waiting for you to ‘mess up’, because trying to do what’s right for your own health doesn’t count as ‘messing up’, whatever you decide is okay. it’s a really hard decision to make and i totally understand why you don’t know where to begin. but i think it could help to just have an honest conversation with yourself about what you really need in terms of where you live. try to block out judgement and what you ‘think’ you should do. where do you see yourself thriving, where you do see your needs being met? where do you see improvement, and guidance? are you able to work with your case manager to figure out some sort of middle ground, some sort of compromise? i get that actually taking such a step is way way easier said than done, but you can take it at your own pace over the course of the next two years while you figure out what would be best for you.

i know you said you don’t have healthcare, and i’m not entirely sure how things work where you are. but do you think it’s possible that there could be a support group for young people in your area, or a mental health center/crisis team, literally anything at all that could lend you some support? maybe you could talk to your case worker about this, too? there could also be someone at school available, like a counselor or even just a teacher you trust. another option is to call a mental health hotline to see what they think your options are. and i know these ideas sound vague, and like theyre impossible to take seriously, but i’d really appreciate it if you gave them some real thought. it’s alright to be scared, but the fear of reaching out literally doesn’t compare to the fear of staying silent and letting this get worse on your own. mental health conditions are just as serious as physical ones and sometimes they need genuine medical attention in order to learn to live with them, and that’s absolutely alright. having someone to talk to who is trained to offer you the tools you need can really make a massive difference. they’ll be able to advise you on what the next step should be, in terms of your personal development. initially saying that you need help out loud is the worst part, sometimes you have to force the words out....but it still counts, every small effort does. i just want you to know that a better future is possible and is much more likely than the awful one you’re envisioning, no matter where you go from here. if you’re unable to receive professional help at this time, then i hope you’re able to engage in healthier coping mechanisms anyway even if they don’t work every time. i’ll leave some links that may be helpful to you when you’re in a low moment. not saying they’re supposed to fix everything, but they’re supposed to calm you down and give you some clarity so you dont make an impulsive decision. i promise you’re capable of pulling yourself back from the brink of sadness, and i promise you’re capable of getting through this. every day you survive, you’re learning how to make it all feel lighter someday. i wouldn’t say any of this if i didn’t believe in you. despite my extremely limited perspective of your life, i can see that you’re smart and you’re young and you just want to find some stability. the more you focus on yourself and your own well being, even when you want to self destruct, the calmer things will seem. so like i said before, take all the time you need to consider the choices available to you, and then try to get through each day as it comes. if that feels like too much, one hour. minute by minute is more than good enough. im proud of you for surviving and for being the person that you are. if you ever need a friend or if you want to talk, i’ll be here. you’re not as alone as you want to believe, and so many people can relate to your circumstances because they’ve gotten through it. you will, too. you dont have to have it all figured out, that’s not your responsibility. you just have to keep trying and working with what you’ve been given. im rooting for you.

https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/speakingoutaboutselfinjury/2018/11/immediate-coping-mechanisms-for-self-harm

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/teenagers-guide-to-depression.htm

https://www.healthista.com/15-daily-self-care-tips-help-depression/

https://bebrainfit.com/stress-management-techniques/

#tw suicide #i think its hard to internalize words of advice when ur in such a negative place but this will always be here for u to refer back to when #ur ready to hear it or consider it #<3

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lenawritesjojos · 5 years

Text

Misadventures in Morioh

Request: hi! i have a request, if you dont mind? so a gn!reader moves to morioh and on the way back from a late study session at school, theyre on their way home when akira shoots them with the arrow, and pulls it out, just leaving the reader to die. you can add onto it if youd like thats all i got lol

Word count: 846

Small warning! This gets a little gore-y later, not too much though, but just so you know.

It hadn’t taken long for you to get used to Morioh, which, even though it wasn’t very big town, could be confusing at times. Going to school was different from your previous city, but you soon got adjusted to it, even though it sometimes required putting in more effort than usual so that your grades were still exactly where you liked them.

Late study sessions had become almost routine for you, and it was on the way back of one of them when everything happened. You still didn’t know it yet, but your life was about to change.

The sun had already set by the time you set foot on the streets, your body sore after all the hours spent poring over books and exercise sheets and tiredness almost overcoming you. Since it was a weekday, not many people were milling around the place at that time of the day, but you enjoyed the tranquillity of being alone and not having to bother with any more social interactions that day.

It wasn’t until you reached the edge of the alleyway a block away from your house that you noticed the long-haired man standing at the end of it. He carried around a guitar, you noticed, and seemed to be only a few years older than you. A bit scared by him, you started wondering if you could take him in a fight.

Probably not.

“Hey, boy!”

The voice made you stop in your tracks in the middle of the alley to see that man waving at you.

“I’m not a boy.” Was the only thing you could say through gritted teeth. Not your brightest move, but he was blocking your way and you needed a plan to escape the situation.

“Well, girl-” he started to speak again, and got caught off guard by you shaking your head no. “Whatever. I don’t care. I just have a proposition for you.”

There was a pause as you arched one eyebrow sceptically. A proposition? Yeah, because that didn’t sound sketchy at all. However, you had no time to reply to him because he kept talking, pushing the lilac hair out of his face with a flourish.

“I can give you extraordinary powers, but you need to promise me that you’ll help me later.” He continued.

You, not knowing what else to do, and obviously not believing his crazy words, nodded your head, hoping it was just a lunatic that would let you walk through after he was done with his nonsense.

“Great!” The man started then rummagging through a bag you hadn’t seen before, taking out a bow and arrow.

What?

Now that you knew he had a weapon, things became much scarier in a matter of seconds, and before he could even lift his gaze, you turned around abruptly and started running into the opposite direction.

That didn’t get you far, though, because suddenly you felt a searing pain on your lower back that made you stop and collapse to your knees. You didn’t understand what was happening, until your eyes found the shiny tip of the arrow poking through your stomach.

Your vision started blurring, the dark stain in your school uniform growing bigger and making you feel all kinds of nauseous and dizzy. Footsteps approached, and you heard the man mumbling something about the arrow not working, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care as the floor suddenly grew closer and the world went black.

There was something warm enveloping you, it felt good. If you could, you would stay like that forever. Your body felt like new, every muscle responding suddenly and every pump of your heart bringing in renovated blood that felt blissful.

A faint light became visible once you opened your eyes, but it took a bit for your vision to adjust to it, and by then, it had completely disappeared, substituted by the yellowish tint of the streetlamps. A barrage of thoughts invaded your brain, the encounter with the strange man coming back all at once, and you felt dizzy again.

“Are you alright?”

Startled, you scrambled to your knees, preferring not to keep laying on the floor for too long if there was something else with you. To your surprise, there was no pain at all in your stomach.

A boy you only knew from sight was sitting next to where you had been only seconds ago, a look of clear concern on his face. The distinctive pompadour he wore made it easier for you to identify him as Josuke Higashikata, the student in the class across from yours.

“I-I… where is him?” You stammered, looking everywhere in panic. Only the two of you were there, though.

“Who?” Josuke frowned, looking around as well.

“The man! He attacked me! With a weapon…” You trailed off, however, when your hand went to point at your previously wounded stomach, only to find that it was in perfect condition.

There was no sign of the arrow anywhere, either. Josuke was staring at you with growing concern, and you just looked at him helplessly.

Would he believe you?

#diamond is unbreakable #diamond is unbreakable scenario #akira otoishi #gender neutral reader #stand arrow #josuke higashikata #gore warning #mentions of wounds and stuff #blood #jojo's bizarre adventure #jojo's bizarre adventure scenario #jojo's part 4 #jjba scenario

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psittacined · 5 years

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Hi there! In a couple of weeks I will be rescuing a very neglected cockatiel. He is about ten years old, and is the most fearful bird I have met. If you walk near him, talk to him, or move by his cage he immediately moves to bite. Even worse, his previous owner has three mirrors in his cage and I know it's been unhealthy for him. Do you have any personal advice for calming a traumatized cockatiel, and is it okay to take away his mirrors now that he is so attached?

Hi!

When I got my parrotlet she was pretty traumatized, and I have had budgies in the past that were pretty skittish birds.

(disclaimer that this is my opinion and if anyone has different tactics to try they are welcome to add on!)

I doubt the mirrors will be a big issue. I would wait until he’s been with you a little while before removing them, Birds with a lot of anxiety (which is normal during a rehoming!) sometimes need that familiarity of home to adjust quicker. The detriments of mirrors aren’t as important as his current stress levels being as low as possible.

I’m going to preface this by making sure that you know that your bird might always be fearful of people. There are ones that never want to be held or petted, and know that there is a chance that your bird might be a hands off buddy. There is still a lot of love and fun with a hands off bird! It’s just really important to keep in mind.

In my experience, cockatiels seem to be one of the easier parrot species to adjust from being fearful. Just like other birds, quietly talking and sitting doing slow, predictable things is good for them getting to trust you. I would not approach the cage unless youre doing food/water/cleaning until the bird seems to be less fearful (when theyre scared they tend to back away, feathers flat on their bodies. they might squawk or lunge at you)

after some time you should be able to do slow, quiet, predictable tasks around the cage. this is the point where if your bird isn’t showing signs of fear, I would grab a millet stick and poke it through the bars. you might have to wait a really long time before your bird will approach it, but the main thing is to never push them. they pick up pretty quickly when a human isnt respecting their boundaries.

I would just keep getting closer , moving treats to your hand, then in between your fingers, until you can be nearby. Then you are free to do the general step up training and such.

This will likely be a long process that might even be frustrating, but what the beeb needs now is a predictable stable home. I think that he’s a lot more likely to warm up to you than you think!

let me know if you have questions or need further information if you hit a snag. playing cockatiel sounds or music will help too! loud cockatiels are a sign that no predators are around, they get very silent when there are threats in the wild.

#long post #canarycafe #bird advice

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spearxwind · 6 years

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Hey Windy I was wonder do you have any tips for making dragon ocs? Cause I started drawing as a kid because of dragons but feel out of them and now I cant seem to get any shapes that I like/are original. And all your ocs are so unique and fresh, and the details like Cer's energy/magic spines is hella cool. So i gues like how do you start designing a dragon character? Thanks!! Have a good day/night!

heya! Also sure, I’m not the best but i can try!

first off, let me recommend [ this wonderful set of tutorials ] by sammy torres.. theyre very good and hold up really well. I used to idolize these four years ago and it helped me a lot with design nitpicks Dont be scared at the amount of stuff in them though, a lot of it are pointers and helpful tips!! and youre by no means obligated to follow them to the t, theyre just good to nudge you in whatever direction you wanna take!

second, let me say. as someone who has been drawing dragons for 17 years straight. my designs feel very, very plain to me so I’m still trying to push past that haha

a lot of my design choices come from brainstorming. ill just sit down for a WHILE and scribble as many ideas as i can come up with. sometimes itll be an entire sketchbook page/canvas and sometime itll be just two doodles if anything at all. but everything counts! and its all just chipping away at what shapes are easier to draw or more fun to work with for you

the thing with dragons is that we have no real life thing to compare them to. You’d be able to compare a real dog to any number of art and immediately see differences, patterns, mistakes etc. but you cant really do that with DRAGONS

this is both bad and good. bad because.. we’re all on our own. theres no right way to make them, so theres no wrong way to go about them either. Theres no original and unoriginal. The sky’s the limit (or even the cosmos, if you want to make space dragons)

also, the classics™ are classics for a reason. theyre cool!!

one of my thought processes for making ocs is... dragons are automatically outlandish so i just stick them onto my most outlandish ideas. want an oc that can rip mountains right from where theyre anchored with crazy laser beams? its a dragon. want an oc that can turn water into crystals if they step on it? thats a dragon also. its probably why so many of my designs end up looking like ‘vague lizard thing’ aaah,,, theyre less vague and scary than “monster” but theyre more wild and weird than “animal” you know?

#advice #i hope that helps!!!#theravenlunatic #ask

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warmau · 6 years

Text

{Circus!AU x Monsta X}

someone asked for another monsta x au or all the members, so here ya go!! other monsta x crossover aus: alice in wonderland | androids

Shownu

strongman

basically does a bunch of strength orientated stunts like breaking a tower of boards in half, bending metal, picking up participants with one hands

swole, standoffish looking, can lift (but the reality is,,,,,he’s a sweet guy who looks out after all the other circus performers)

always tells the danger act performers to be careful and complains that kihyun is getting too skinny

can lift like,,,,,six kids at once and they just hang off his arms

kids always call him ‘tree guy’ or ‘big building’ and shownu is like,,,,,,,yes. that’s me

gets to wear one of those tanktops that show off the Arms and,,,,,,a lot of people stare. like a lot

shownu’s oblivious to it

just like you assume he’s oblivious to you,,,,one of the circus makeup artists

you know that to keep up his strength shownu eats a lot more than the average person

so you always make a habit of giving him healthy snacks when you see him

and shownu is always like,,,he does the soft smile that smushes his face up and makes you melt

and is like thank you! you’re so kind!

and minhyuk is like where is my snack and ur like,,,,,,,it’s just for shownu,,,,

and everyone is like of course ;) it’s just for ;) shownu ;) cuz you ;) like him ;)

and you’re not even TRYING to be subtle about it like you basically have heart eyes when he comes around,,,but you’re also like shownu will never know

because he’s super bad at reading signals

but one afternoon as you’re getting ready to do makeup shownu drops by and hands you a crepe from one of the foodtrucks

and you’re like oh! this is my favorite kind how did you know

and shownu is like,,,,ive seen u look cute and happy eating it before,,,,

and you’re like ohh wow- wait did you just call me cute?!??!

and shownu goes red and he’s like “y-yes,,,,i like you i thought it was obvious but-”

and you’re like WHAT I LIKE YOU?? it wAS SO OBVIOUS TOO

and you’re both staring at each other in shock,,,,before breaking into nervous embarrassed laughter

but it’s cute you guys make a plan for a little date after the circus performance tonight

maybe go,,,,get something to eat? hehe

bonus: you’re like he asked me out and everyone is so happy but then kihyun is like his hand is like ten times the size of yours how r u going to hold it and everyone is like kihyun shUTTUP

Hyungwon

magician

his whole act has a sarcastic undertone where he’s like “i bet you all think im using a mirror for this trick to deceive you because magic isn’t real blah blah blah well you’re WRO- right. completely right.”

wonho once observed that hyungwon is the most,,,uninterested magician he’s ever met

hyungwon: yeah. but im good at what i do right?

wonho: well-

hyungwon pulling a dollar from behind wonho’s ear: you were saying?

wonho in awe: :O

he does all the basics; card tricks, disappearing acts, floating acts, slicing people in half, coin tricks, you name it - he can do it

likes getting into arguments with participants

like he’ll pull someone up and they’ll be like

“i know this is all fake”

and he’s like

“it is, and yet here you are - paying to see it.”

you’re one of his assistants for the trick where he saws you in half and everytime you practice it before

hyungwon is like so lazy about it but ur like hey hey this is my liFE

even if it is just a ‘trick’ of the eye,,,there’s still dangerous things involved and hyungwon swinging the damn saw around is like “it’s fine im a pro!”

but once he really does give you a big scare,,,and you get mad because like

he can be as sarcastic and as uncaring as he wants,,,but you wish he’d at least show some empathy toward you

someone who he’s worked with for a long time

and,,,,usually you get over it but you can’t

and hyungwon finds you outside of the circus grounds and he’s like

“hey,,,,,” and tries to do something like pull a flower from behind your collar but you’re not having it

and he’s like

“i know,,,you think i don’t care but you mean a lot to me. ill even throw away the stupid cutting in half act if it makes you feel safer,,,”

this makes you turn,,,hyungwon is usually hellbent on keeping things the same - it makes it easier

“i,,it’s fine i just wish you would be more careful - i mean,,,i don’t want to die hyungwon.”

he gives you a small smile and your heart skips a beat

“id never let you die,,,,,id pull out all the magic inside me to save you.”

you:,,,,,,,,,,,that’s corny. i didn’t know you had it in you

hyungwon holding your hand now: don’t tell anyone - you know i have dirt on you too.

Wonho:

firebreathing

don’t tell him he can breath fire because he’s so smoking hot - he’s heard that one before

but his act does include breathing fire while shirtless,,,,so

cool tattoo of a dragon on his chest,,you know,,,to go with the ‘firebreather’ aesthetic

everyone always leaves thinking he’s some badass who breaks hearts or whatever

but again,,,he’s nothing like that. the most badass thing about wonho is his firebreathing everything else is like

him being friendly to animals and getting spooked by the shittiest pranks kihyun and minhyuk pull

whenever someone is being annoying hyungwon is always like wonho - breath fire on them

and wonho is like hyungwon,,,i can’t do that you know that

he’s cute and he’s like safety first! when it comes to fire

you’re a standby EMT that sometimes works with the circus when they’re in town

and if there’s any act that makes you super nervous - it’s firebreathing/eating

because so so so so many things can go wrong

and so when wonho performs you’re always on edge, sweating in anticipation

there’s a moment where wonho seems to wince in pain and you damn near run out onto the stage

but it’s just a false call

and you think that if something really bad was to happen,,,,you’d probably faint

and you attribute it to the fact that like well,,,you know,,,it’s scary to watch someone risk their health like that

but your fellow EMT is like “when are you gonna tell the hot fire guy you like him”

and you’re like WHAT,,,,,i,,,,dont like wonho,,,,,,,like that

“like what?”

you turn, almost getting whiplash to look into wonho’s smiling eyes

“oh - i just,,, well-”

your fellow EMT clears their throat “they like you”

“WHAT DID YO-”

wonho goes “oh! im flattered, they’re pretty cute too!”

you turn back like huh wait what’s going on

“take them out sometime?”

“ok, i will. do you want to go out sometime?”

your head almost snaps off as you look back and forth but then you’re also nodding,,,because a date with wonho would be nice

(plus you could teach him some fire safety tricks because that would ease your heart)

bonus: you’re letting wonho look at your EMT tools and he like presses your hand to his chest and is like “what’s my heartbeat like?” and you almost die he’s so cute

Minhyuk & Jooheon

acrobatics

minhyuk also specializes in contortion while jooheon can do trampoline tricks

most of the time though they work together to do balancing acts

and boy do they ,,,,,, not match AT ALL

it’s amazing - their personalities are nothing alike and they’re always mocking each other but when it comes down to it they can do amazing things together

but minhyuk is always snorting at the fact that jooheon gets an act where he just “jumps” around

and jooheon is like just because you were born without joints or whatever doesnt mean your better than me

minhyuk: I HAVE JOINTS THEYRE JUST SOFT

shownu is always getting inbetween them so they dont like,,,kill each other

but it’s like a switch - when it’s time to perform they deliever

and have super great coordination

no one gets it,,,,but it works

minhyuk is always pushing for more bright colored leotards and jooheon is like please jesus no

that one time they dyed their hair blonde and hyungwon called them ‘egg twins’

but yeah,,,you sometimes also work with them - even though your main act is trapeze

and minhyuk is always like ,,,,,,,,,,,,, hey if you ever need a trapeze partner ;)

and jooheon is like they’d choose me - obviously, i do flying work too

minhyuk: JUMPING is not trapeze

jooheon: bite me

bur if you pick minhyuk it’s like he wants to do this super duper hard, fancy trick and you’re like i ,,, dont think you can

and minhyuk is like it’s fine!!!! i wanna make sure we do something AMAZING

and you’re like minh-

but he’s already getting excited

and OF COURSE he hurts himself, you blink and he slips off the launch board onto the netting and twists his damn ankle and you’re like ill go get the medic from the tent

and as minhyuk is getting it bandages,,,,looking shyly down away from you

you’re like WHY did you do that

and he’s like,,,,,,,he mumbles something

but when you get closer you hear its him going ‘i wanted to impress you’

and you pull back,,,embarrassed like o - oh

but also how,,,,stupidly adorable,,,fine you’ll take care of him and his dumb twisted ankle

if you agree to do it with jooheon he’s super excited about having you guys incorporate trampoline too

and you’re like i just need you to throw me off this bar and catch me

and he’s like,,,,,,,,,ok,,,,,,i can do that

but also ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, god hes bad at trapeze

it’s like he has all this coordination with minhyuk but he’s been working with him for yEARS

and you’re just like hey jooheon it’s ok we can try again

but he’s totally beating himself up about not being good enough and having to practice till her arms break yadda yadda

and you just go “it’s ok,,,,,,,,,it’s OK”

and he’s like the show is RUINED

and you’re like “pleASE it’s not, ok you know what? let’s do the trampoline idea ok”

jooheon’s eyes suddenly shining: r-really??!?!?

you in your head: holy shit he looks so cute

you: yes, fine we can jump around

jooheon: its NOT jumping around

but also jooheon kinda loves the idea of just jumping around on a trampoline,,,,holding your hand too,,,,,,,,,,,

Kihyun

ringmaster

micromanages literally everyone and everything

like his job is to lead the show, make some funny comments, be charming

which comes naturally to him

and yet he’s out here trying to figure out which shade of eyeshadow the makeup artists are going to use for the show three weeks from now

also you know he’s like “shownu are you practicing? want to pick me up with one hand for practice reasons?

shownu: you just want me to pick you up don’t you

kihyun’s tiny butt: no,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

looks cute in the top hat that’s part of his costume

wore the cape for sometime but some little kid was like that’s corny so kihyun trashed it and says NO ONE better bring it up

you’re not even part of the circus team,,,you’re actually a manger - you just make bookings and stuff

but kihyun,,,,,,loves to know everything,,,,,,,,,so you see him a lot

and sure he asks a lot of questions but you think it’s pretty adorable that he cares so much

so you’re always like excited to answer questions

and kihyun always gets super flustered because you’re the one person who seems to really really want to listen to what he has to say

so you’ll answer him with the biggest energy

and kihyun is also a big energy

and he’s just like blushy all of a sudden because you’re standing so close to him

and showing him the planner for the next week of show

and he’s just like woah,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,oh,,,,,,,,,,,,,

one time you’re both talking about doing a holiday special

and kihyun suddenly goes “,,,,,,do,,,,,,,,,,did you remember my cape?”

and you’re like AH the red velvet one??? i miss it you should wear it!!!!

and kihyun is just like

that’s it,,,,they’re the one

“can i kiss you?”

“sure - wait what?”

kihyun, blushing but also ready to kiss you: is it ok?

you,,,,,,,,looking around to make sure no one is going to come into the office,,,,,,,,,,,, “go ahead”

you guys kiss and it’s soft because,,,,,,,,like,,,,,,,,,,you’re both so excited and jittery but also,,,,,,,,,,

you should have kissed like way way before

bonus: kihyun stops micromanaging because he spends all his free time with you,,,,,,,,,hehe

Changkyun

sword swallowing/knife throwing

how did he get into that? no one knows

kihyun is convinced changkyun was just born you know,,,,,,chaotic

he always wears the same fitted white shirt and vest,,,always this victorian air

and he looks so apathetic when he’s you know,,,,,,,shoving steel down his throat,,,risking death every second

the common question is,,,,aren’t you scared?

and changkyun just shrugs like nah. it’s not that scary when you’ve been doing it since you were a kid

someone: you’ve been eating swords since you were a kid

changkyun: ,,,,,,,, anyway the weathers bad

his knife throwing is also super scary,,,,,but not for like changkyun ,,,,, for the assistant and audience

because the audience is like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,he,,,,,,he looks like he isn’t even tRYING to aim

but the assistant

who happens to be you

looks terrified (and you’re not because you know how good changkyun is) only because it has to be entertaining

and everytime after the show

like people come in hoards to ask the same question, have you ever been hurt? has he ever cut you by accident?

and you’re kinda like,,,,,,,,oh no but we’ve had heartwrenching slipups!!! or whatever just to keep the suspense

when in reality changkyun ,,,, if he knew something was off would be the first person to force you not to do the act

and it’s kind of funny,,,,changkyun comes off as this emotionless danger stunt guy

when in reality,,,,,with you,,,,he’s different

not only is he more expressive but he’s incredibly affectionate

he loves hugging you from behind while you’re helping unpack the equipment

or giving you little shoulder kisses

because,,,,,,,i know it’s a cliche but he’s the knife thrower and you’re dating him and don’t even fight me on this it’s a cute concept

every now and then changkyun will be like “should i try to eat an even BIGGER sword?”

and you have your full trust in it but you’re like please for the love of god just stick to the standard

also,,,,,you know like i was saying the semi-victorian getup is kinda a turn on like amiright

also your boyfriend can literally throw a knife with the aim of a god,,,,,somehow that’s also a turn on

but also i imagine ur the only person who gets to see the great, aim perfect changkyun miss his mouth with the spoon when you guys are eating ceral together in the morning

and u have to kiss him cuz he gets grumpy about it hehe

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missjackil · 5 years

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Miss Jacki’s top 30 SPN Episodes

#1 Who We Are 12x22

For me, this was as close to perfect as an episode can be!! Both Sam girls and Dean girls should have enjoyed this, and it was bibro Heaven!! Hellers probably still talk about it as the worst episode ever or something hehe. For starters, we have the boys trapped with Toni Bevell in the bunker. Locked in, no electricity, water, and the air is being pumped out, so of course theres pending doom. After trying to reset the machinery with a spell that failed, the bros try bashing down a wall. This was an awesome scene!! Whats not to love about Sam and Dean in single layers, being all strong and macho?? Exhausted, they sit together, dirty, sweaty, and tired. What an absolute beautiful sight!! When the boys sit together talking, you always have my full attention. Theyre feeling a little hopeless. This really could be the end. Sam opens up, maybe he feels more than a little guilty that things got to this point. Of course, its not his fault really, he didnt know the BMOL were brain washing mom, or had plans to exterminate the American Hunters, he just wanted to help make the world a better place. Sam gives a confession, that once he was in, he just followed, because it was easier than leading. Dean nods in agreement. They both probably liked just being told where to go and what to kill much more than telling others what to do. So now the boys think theyve lost, and its not the “blaze of glory” theyve always imagined... until.... THE GRENADE LAUNCHER!!! Toni thinks the boys are lunatics, and well... they are :D Big Beautiful and Dumb!! They couldnt care less that the whole building might fall on their heads, If they go out, theyre going out with a bang, and on their own terms!! The exchange of looks Sam and Dean gave each other was nothing less than priceless. The grenade explodes, Sam instantly goes looking for Dean. Theres a big hole in the wall,, and no Dean, so he must have gotten out!! But oh shit, the hole collapses!! Sam goes into instant panic mode!! DEAN??? DEAN!!???? He can barely see, the air is thin, and he collapses on all 4s as he sucks all the oxygen thats left by hyperventilating. Just then the door opens and Dean walks in with a bloody busted leg and Sams face lights up. Dean greets him with “Hey Lunatic”” and all order in Sam’s life is restored. We fast forward to Jody’s house where Mary is tied up for attacking Jody. Sam calls other hunters to come help them take out the Brits. Atypical of Sam, he has a pretty long speech, but, he finally gets a good tag line. For years, all we had were things like “I lost my shoe” or “Im a whole new level of freak” but now we have “I want you to follow me” it hits me in the feels when I hear him say this. He’s come so far and grown so much in the last 12 yrs, that he can say these words in confidence. Dean was so proud! This lead to one of my favorite brohugs, that tied in a little bit with my 2nd fav episode, Swan Song (which Ill talk about tomorrow) In Swan Song, Dean was letting Sam go to do his quest on his own. Sam told him “If I do this, and triple lindy into that cage, you know Im not coming back” and Dean says “I know” but this time, Dean is sending Sam off on his quest and hugs him, and tells him “You come back” and Sam says “Promise” (ugggh my heart) seal that with a Winchester “I love you” which was “Bitch” “Jerk” and just the pause and the sweet grin on Sams face when Dean said it, you knew he knew Dean just told him he loves him <3 So Sam goes off.... meanwhile, Dean is now trying to talk to mom while in her head. My heart was flipping seeing chubby happy baby Sam, cooing and playing with his blanket. When Dean goes over to see him, he just seemed so happy to show big grown up Dean his blanket!! The only thing that would have made me feelier, is if Dean picked baby Sam up and cuddled him, and maybe kissed his head (but then I woulda just died and couldnt write this so...)

Sams battle with the brits, was a little lack luster, but its ok because Dean’s scene was awesome. He’s laying it out to Mom, this is whats what.... and instead of making it all about him, he made it about Sam. Basically “you left me with a responsibility I couldnt handle and look what it did to Sam???” I was full on sobbing when he told Mom that Sam was posessed by Lucifer, Tortured in Hell and lost his soul. Some of you got angry that Sam wasnt the one to tell her, but hello... this is Sam we’re talking about. Its never his thing to lay his load on someone else. Sometimes, maybe a little with Dean, but he just wouldnt give all this to his mother. But Dean would for him. She needs to know and Sam wont tell her, so Dean will. He tells Mary he hates her... he says it more than once. I feel it, it comes from his gut. Not just a knee jjerk reaction to anger. He IS feeling this. And Dean Winchester has the most open, and honest moment hes had in a long time, maybe in the whole series “I hate you.... and I love you. I cant.. I cant help it... youre my mom” and without a word of lie, Im crying as I write this. I may be 100% in love with Sam, but Dean is my buddy. Hes messed up and too violent sometimes, but he is so full of love it hurts me, and him too aparently. I know he and Sam have felt exactly this for each other a number of times. It reminds me of what Jared said about Sam and Dean at SDCC2017 “Sam and Dean love each other as much as its possible for two people to love each other... even when sometimes they hate each other a little”:True love is huge and confusing and uncontrolable, and everyone does stupid stuff when they love big. If youre one of those people waiting for and expecting a love that wont ever hurt like hell, you wont ever really experience love. *ehem* where was I? Oh yes.... ok so, Where Sam and Dean both are at this point, is kind of a role reversal, Sam is doing the fighting and Dean is doing the curing. And this is really cool IMO. And I dont know if youve noticed, but they both had to stop being “them” for a second, and be the other instead. Dean has to get mom out of her head, Sam has to finish off the Brits in the US. if Sam were standing were Dean is right now, what would he do? He would forgive mom, and this is what Dean needs to do. If Dean were standing where Sam is, what would he do? He would trust himself, Sam and his friends, and tell the Brits to fuck off... and this is what Sam did. Sam has issues with second guessing and not trusting his own instincts... but this time he becomes Dean and just says “pass” shoots the computer and Jody kills Hess. (Sam shoulda but oh well) Back at the Bunker, Toni is dead YAAAY and now the fight with Ketch, and mom wakes up and kills him (ish) big win for the Winchesters!! But then comes maybe my favorite moment ever. Dean and Mom are talking, and Dean tells her theyre gonna start over and do it right. Mom is worried, “What about Sam? Im scared.... what if he cant forgive me” Sam walks in, the man that just took out the big bad BMOL is so soft, and so sad “Mom... you dont have to be scared of me” OMG FUCKING KILL ME!!! Dont be scared of this huge hulk of a man that kills bad guys and monsters every day and scares the hell out of demons... dont be scared Mom because he loves you. Your deal made his life a living hell, but he forgave you a long time ago. You didnt know what would happen, and hes done the same thing himself. He knows as well as anyone what stupid things we might do for love. Mom hugs Sam and Sam just looks like the biggest teddybear ever. And if thats not enough, Dean comes in “Im glad youre back man” and hugs him too. Sams face while being wrapped in all this love. All for him!! The whole damn series could have ended there and Id be happy!! This is why Who We Are is my favorite episode ever!!

#my top 30 #1 #who we are

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