#and sometimes i just want to die.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

.

#tw suicide #no seriously heed the tw this is probably upsetting i just. i need to say it somewhere and i will not say it to my family. #puddleglum hours #personal #its just i was thinking. #tother day the doctor asked: do you regret it? about the suicide attempt tuesday night. #and i said something that i still feel: if i regret anything about it it's that i didn't succeed. #they're talking of discharging me tomorrow or something and im just. #what do i need to do to be kept in for longer?! damn it all i *know* how i could kill myself in here. #but i don't want to. i need them to save me #because i can't save myself! if they discharge me tomorrow i think it very likely ill be dead before the end of the week! or at least in #hospital from another attempt! this new med has made me more numb but the thoughts haven't gone away just muted. and then. #at times like this im perfectly wild about it! i cannot keep myself alive i need them to do it for me! #but when ive seen the doctor each time its been when im exhausted and numb and i don't care but that is not the case always. #i don't know. i don't see a good outcome any which way. #hopefully tomorrow the doctor sees me at a time when im feeling like this i think. #because i think i need to tell them. but i don't know how or even if it matters #and sometimes i just want to die. #im so tired of living guys. why #editing to add i am still on hiatus and if you want to contact me and know my discord contact me there #so i will not be responding to anything here for this moment at least

[birdmenmanga]

I think there's no greater indication that disco elysium is sympathetic towards communism when it literally says "communism is failure" and then the literal gameplay itself rewards trying and failing. The most obvious one being the Shivers check at the FELD mural, which is an Impossible 20 check BUT opens itself up again and again the longer you spend in the world doing things, but even just looking at sheer probabilities, for any given white check, rolling first and THEN putting a point into that skill upon failure is more likely to grant you success than putting a point first and then rolling, but that would require failing first.

Other things too: Precarious world saying you'll 100% fail red checks no matter what (not necessarily a bad thing, btw!! throwing the boule into the sea is a success but like. in some other ways one would want a perfect petanque throw instead. but people wouldn't typically assume that failure is desirable sometimes from the start) persuading you to accept that you'll fail some things that is irrevocable, for a world where everything is just a tiny bit easier.

The faux game over screen when you faint after reading Dora's letter— emulating a sense of failure on the scale of the entire game. When it rolls up most people go "What?? Game over?? No way, what did I do wrong!!" and waking up after that, with no huge or lasting impact on Harry's health or morale really tells the player, "Sometimes things will seem so bad that it all seems like it's coming to an end, but it's not the end, it's really not the end, go drink so water, you can still go on despite this failure"

I'm sure there are other things as well that are eluding me but like. The literal gameplay rewards failing and succeeding far more so than simply succeeding every single time, and I think you get a fuller experience of Elysium that way too

#just thinking thoughts... #disco elysium #idk man when did we get so scared of failing!! #people never want to speak in class because 'what if I'm wrong :(((' #well then you are wrong... that is okay... it's normal to fail... sometimes saying the wrong thing is a great way to jumpstart a topic... #'getting a good grade in X is both normal to want and possible to achieve' #okay sure but have you made peace with the fact that getting a BAD grade in X isn't a bad thing? #a bad grade in being friends... okay... so you didn't check up on someone in 3 months... you failed... that's fine... #you can learn from it!! you can learn how to keep in touch with people. how to take care of them when they're sick. #how to resolve a dispute. how to communicate and compromise. these are all things you are not born with #and will fail first before succeeding at #Like yes I get that in the age of surveillance your failures may be recorded and preserved forever and that's not great #but if we don't normalize failure I really think we'll just suffocate and die

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Assisting Acquaintance Acquired.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wen ning #wei wuxian #Ignore how Wen Ning's hair looks here because I messed it up. Let's pretend he just sported a different hair style for a brief moment. #I am not exactly great at consistency but I am trying very hard to work on that (immediately messes up again). #Absolutely *love* how Wen Ning clearly remembers and admires WWX...who does *not* recognize him. #This is the best day for Wen Ning and it means *nothing* to WWX. A painful one-sided crush made worse. #It is bittersweet to realize that we care about someone more than they care about us. Sometime we pour love into a relationship- #-with someone who just can't reciprocate. It isn't always a conscious things either. Some people just aren't aware we care. #And painfully - so painfully - You can't make them aware. No act of kindness or gift or self sacrifice will make someone care about you. #You can martyr yourself for someone and they will continue on unchanged. #I think a lot about the parallels between WN and LWJ. Not foils - just reflections. A theme repeated. #People who give so much of themselves to someone who doesn't have the capacity to give any part of themself away. #I will die on the hill of 'Wen Ning would be the love triangle romance if that trope wasn't being avoided'. #And to be honest - thank the stars above that is the case. I do not know any good love triangles in media. #We are skipping some of the sad Jiang Cheng content because I really want to finish season 2 before May. #Sorry JC emo moment lovers...I'll deliver another time.

[tenvishund]

F I S S I O N - Why the hell do you hurt yourself for this?

#wake up babe new tenvishund art just dropped #very very rusty but inspired by a recent album and general life experiences/interraction #im coming to the end of my degree and trying to find A Real Proper Grown Up Job #and the industry I am in can be really sneaky - you think you've found something good but if you speak to the right people #then the truth comes out #which is frustrating #but here i am alive and well and probably doing better than i ever have been before #even if sometimes i do want to tear my guts out and die like a dog #such is life i guess all about balance #i also wanted to colour the guts red but i cant work this new fancy gimp system so i gave up #enjoy!! thank you for viewing!

[sergle]

I'm thinking abt that pretty fall leaves embroidery pattern post and about how like... it is categorically a repost, it's a reupload. right? a thing that is generally disliked. but because it's credited, it's genuinely boosting the artist in question. and it could ALWAYS be like this. reposting content could ALWAYS be a symbiotic relationship, but because sourcing back to the original creator of something is so uncommon, it's just easier to ask people not to repost it at all. and people still don't understand the difference. or they'll go to the effort of cropping out usernames/signatures to repost something, which is More Effort than literally crediting the creator of something you liked enough to want to repost. Like. I literally don't actually care if my own shit gets reposted, you have to understand. I just don't want it STOLEN. But "do not repost" is easier to write on my art than "you can repost this, but don't alter the image/remove my signature, don't you dare write 'credit goes to the artist' because that is not credit, please link back to my original post or someplace that you can actually find me. please use an actual link/url instead of writing a non-clickable link of my username, because making it text instead of a clickable link cuts the number of people who will go to the effort of visiting my own page in Half." All those aggregate themed accounts, those fuckin annoying as hell instagrams and facebook groups that are like "body positive art we love wamen 💕 hashtag feminism" and then MASS-STEAL plus sized art created by women, if pages like these that always go and steal my older self-portraits and other works... If they just put a link to my prints of those pieces in the text of those posts, or, fuck, my commission info page? I would literally be living on the moon right now. I would have a house on the moon

#there is actually nothing morally wrong with running an account that just reuploads ppl's artwork or their jokes or their cosplays #if you just put a VISIBLE LINK in the description of your post with proper credit then it would be beneficial for everyone #because you can get your little clout or whatever it is you want by putting a bunch of same-category content on a page #but nobody's getting fucked over because if your post blows up then people just get FUNNELED to the source #because it's placed so plainly where everyone can see it #and yeah it's better to retweet or reblog but #on the rare occasion that I see my shit reuploaded on tumblr WHICH IS WEIRD BC I MAKE MY OWN POSTS HERE but anyway #someone making their own post where they upload my stuff. and it's always the floral self portraits so let's say it's a post with all those #if I scroll to the bottom and it says like. Artwork by Serglesinner on Twitter <-- clickable link [Sergle's Prints] <-- clickable link #to my etsy #I'm like oh okay and all the anger leaves my body and I'm like ah I see. and I toss the rock aside #like oh okay so you actually care that a person made these pieces. Instead of posting the caption ''women <3'' or smth #like you've GOTTA die if you do that. but if you just link back #or if you go to the effort of writing like a description with a BLURB? like it's a damn museum. like a light paragraph of info #about what the art is and who made it and their links #I am literally sucking you in a strange and peculiar manner. that is extremely helpful #and maybe other artists don't want this AT ALL and they'd rather people not reupload even if it is credited #but I feeeeeeeeel. like 99% of the time this would solve the issue #reposters could genuinely be helping ppl. sometimes the repost gets more traction than the real thing #as long as it credits the creator then that's an okay thing to happen! #that can land somebody a sale! a commission order! a new fan! A JOB #A JOB!!!!!!!!!! #sergle.txt #I didn't write this eloquently AT ALL what the fuck ever barkbarkbarkbark

[lazylittledragon]

i'm going to scream i got accused of being a transmisogynist by someone on twitter because of this specific part of my t4t steddie art

#ramble #the thing is 99.9% of people thought it was VERY funny #i've had 1 person genuinely have a problem with it and it was because i kept eddie transmasc #basically they were upset because i didn't make them both transfemme bc i just. didn't want to #twitter hasn't learned that not everything is for you and if you don't like something you don't have to interact with it #and just because you don't like something that doesn't mean it's Bad #and also sometimes queer things aren't made to be understood by everyone #it was specifically because they thought it made them into 'just another straight couple' #as if that isn't a MASSIVE erasure of trans people's queerness #trans people in m/f relationships doesn't make them any less queer or somehow inferior to gay relationships #it boiled down to 'but you could've made them lesbians :((' YEAH BUT I DIDN'T #idk it was just absolutely infuriating trying to defend myself without saying 'idk what the fuck you want from me at this point' #anyway transfemme stevie is very big on twt but i didn't know whether to post it here or not #but i might if people want to see it because i love it a lot #twitter would die if they saw the olden days when we called them genderbends and there wasn't any trans content at all

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

I'm so sorry I'm pretty sure your bard au is supposed to be serious but oh my god I couldn't help but get strong Men In Tights and Monty Python and the Holy Grail vibes

Especially bc of Barnaby I would not put it past him to make a "your mom's a hamster" reference

no no it Is very silly. how can it not be when you've got the neighbors as the characters? silly central. ALSO YOU'RE SO RIGHT VERY STRONG MP&HG VIBES I FUCKING LOVE THAT MOVIE HERE'S SOME REFERENCES

but it is also real. when it's silly its silly and when it's serious!

it's serious.

#one of my favorite gags in that movie has always been the coconut halves used to make horse hoof sound effects #since they didnt have horses <3 #and barnaby doesnt have hooves so. they make do! #i also like to imagine that in this au at least barnaby and frank kinda beef sometimes #like barnaby will purposefully rile frank up but then frank will say something that hits a little too close to home #so barnabys like 'ok bet' and puts a little more bite in his bark #and before you know it they have to be separated to cool off! #and also sally still doing plays. gettin artsy with em and sometimes doing puppet shows instead of a live play #a la The Professor's history show but uh. with more budget and production value #paper puppet eddie running across the stage... #scribble salad #rambles from the bog #wh fantasy au #tw blood #just in case! there's a bit there <3 #ahhh warlock wally my beloved.... #normally he is so nice and so kind and favors a pacifist route #but sometimes he gets pushed A Little Too Much and then! well! people die! #that scribble is actually from a whole Scene and Plot i have in my mind #where - essentially - he and home get separated by cultists who want to harness home or something #and after a few months of separation they reunite! #and the cult gets their shit absolutely Wrecked! literally none of them escape alive! #wally/home: we're baaaaack! time to die while we feast on your souls!

[ilynpilled]

A Game of Thrones - Catelyn X

A Clash of Kings - Catelyn VII

A Storm of Swords - Jaime I

A Storm of Swords - Jaime III

A Storm of Swords - Jaime III

A Storm of Swords - Jaime IV

Jaime & Passive Suicidal Ideation

His statements and actions concerning the subject are framed as him not being afraid. But he is. He is afraid of what he has become, afraid of confronting himself, afraid of confronting the world, and he is afraid of having to live.

He should not be brave enough to die. He should be brave enough to live.

#i dont think a lot of ppl acknowledge that pre hand loss jaime kinda wants to fucking die deep down #especially when he forgets his fixation on cersei #it is such an interesting obsession that he has with a ‘chivalrous’ death #he completely romanticizes this idea despite his dissillusionment with knighthood #again death is so much easier than confronting the moral paradoxes dilemmas and his self-concept #he is deep down very aware about what he has become and he desperately seeks purpose in just dying with sword in hand #and he does not even reconsider until brienne confronts him and reveals this ideation for what it is #it is cowardice on his part #it is a facade of bravery masking self loathing #dying is easy living is hard #honestly jaime pre handloss was basically just a man slowly destroying himself #and it seeps back sometimes during affc too #hed rather die than end up facing damnation despite all of his efforts #now damnation that is something he is terrified of #valyrianscrolls #asoiaf #jaime lannister

[alilaro]

move over nerds, the clock tumblr sexyman is out. it’s time for Ominous Older British Woman That Lives In The Ceiling And Might Be God time.

#dhmis #dhmis spoilers #dont hug me im scared #don't hug me i'm scared #bro im high as fuck with a migraine and i just saw the final episode and my mind wasn't ready for Suddenly A Person #but also like UGH i want their gender #expect fanart sometime if i dont die from Headache™ #.......... but seriously get that fucking clock out of here now deadass

[xysidhequeen]

Do you think Jason accidentally called Jazz “Mom” during his time in Infinite Realms?

Oh lawd yes. He definitely did, and then he played it off so badly. Jazz thought it was cute but now Jason is contractually required to keep calling her mom sarcastically to make up for the one time he did it on purpose a year and a half ago.

#zee answers #dp x dc #danny phantom #dc x dp #dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #the king and his red knight #the king and his red knight au #tkahrk #tkahrk au #jason todd #halfa jason todd #jazz was a bit teary eyes and jason was just like “haha not like MOM mom like no i meant oh myGOSH youre SUCH a mom ew stop hahahAhHahHAHha” #jason wanted to die a second time that day #danny got it on camera :) #jazz likes to rewatch it sometimes #danny has called jazz mom sometimes too so she more or less expected this to happen eventually #she mourns her lost chuldhood but she loves her brother too much to ever really regret it #and shell happily be the mom to jason too #hes gonna be her inlaw eventually anyways.

[shu-of-the-wind]

i want one thing in this life and it is for star wars writers to treat the sentience of droids consistently

#either they're sentient beings with feelings and thoughts and the ability to conceptualize their own existence #or they're not #you can't have both. pick one. #this is directed at the mandalorian right now but also more generally just #FUCKING PICK ONE. PLEASE. #IF YOU PICK ONE I'LL DIE HAPPY EVEN IF IT'S NOT THE ONE I WANT #star wars #star wars wank #sometimes alix goes viral

[milomilesmib]

Be emo with me for a second

Ghosts are a thing on the Boiling Isles

That could include palisman

Imagine, when Hunter passes on, the first thing he feels is something tugging at his hair

And then he hears Flapjack and he can still understand what he's saying

And- under the idea that Flap has very bird-like speech- it's just "Hello! Love you! Love you! Missed you!"

And Hunter just breaks down in happy tears because he finally has his best friend back

#i like to imagine that everyone will still be united in the afterlife #this is so much sadder when you consider palismen live until killed so everyone else would have to wait for their palisman to die #but maybe ghosts can still talk to the living so they can talk the their palisman sometimes theyre just not on the same plane? #idk i just want them to be happy #toh #hunter the owl house #the owl house #toh hunter #hunter noceda #hunter toh #flapjack #toh flapjack #flapjack toh #the boiling isles #boiling isles #sad boi hours #im breaking down just thinking about this gimme a sec

[lanshappycorner]

Malledu🐉♠️ doodles

#sebek is seething rn #u kno i think malledu would be objectively hilarious because deuce gets along well enough with sebek and silver #so if malledu real i think malleus would also be seething bc it feels like deuce gets along with his guards more than him sometimes💀 #also i think deuce is not the type that would quietly sit back and play spouse if he got married to malleus #i think he'd try to be a guard or do odd jobs around the castle #and since he is so Some Guy Energy most ppl dont even realize that hes malleus's fiance 💀 #workers in the palace whispering about how theyre thinking abt asking deuce out or smth #and sebek overhears and hes just like DO U WANT TO DIE ???? and silver is just 😐😬 (doesnt say anything) #deuce voice (casually) (oblivious): ah yes i am engaged to your king. anyways you said you wanted to have dinner together? #twisted wonderland #deuce spade #malleus draconia

[liauditore]

I have not stopped talking about the way you draw Impulse since you posted that art, he's such a silly guy and I love him

hello again zera hopepetal!! I'm glad you like him he's fun to draw even tho i keep getting his hair the wrong way around but shh. the fandom at large is so so right abt him being big and strong. vibes are immaculate.

he somehow manages to be both the relatively reasonable mum friend and the one who causes problems on purpose in my head 👍very silly very good

^ both are canon to me

#my art #hermitblr #trafficblr #impulsesv #grian #asks #he has like.. this subtly smug energy that i can't quite place #i rmmber seeing a post that's like 'watching impulse is just slowly discovering that he's a lil bit of a bitch and loving him for it' #and yeah #my headcanon has always been that he used to be A Way and has calmed down now but sometimes old habits die hard #and he just wants to cause some chaos and set smth on fire #SOZ FOR RAMBLING.. i like impulse...

[black-and-yellow]

How much would it cost to see post lov Loudspeaker with all of his scars? I have shiny rocks and seashells

Doesn't take much to convince me to draw Loudspeaker. But give me your coolest rock.

#horikoshi give mic scars challenge #make him cooler >:( #if i had the rights to mha I'd make the Loudspeaker au canon I reckon it'd really add some excitement #I don't keep up with the show any more I only pay attention when Mic is doing something #If he dies I'm going mental because there is no reason in the plot for him to die. I think Horikoshi kills off characters #just for shock value sometimes #like Midnight #done being annoyed. chill again now #his burns were originally supposed to be hand shaped but that was really hard to draw #did anyone notice in the showdown comic that his hair gradually flattened so it wasn't in the Loudspeaker style anymore #to show his return to the light #or did i illustrate that for nothing #i feel like it's not as effective if I just tell you I did it but whatever #imagine if you were in class and your teacher made you analyse the Loudspeaker au #bnha #hizashi yamada #present mic #villain!mic #loudspeaker au #im going to dekaianime do you guys want anything

[cryptiduni]

“white mourning.”

#‘‘A white mourning. A modern death. Divorce or something similar. All you can do is put more distance between you & him. make him smaller.’’ #jean is a very easy character to hate if you know nothing about him. & you know what they say. easy target doesn’t make for a good practice #judit literally compares harry to intellectually disabled man yet you don’t see ppl hating her because she is outwardly nice. #she’s polite yes but she doesn’t care as much as jean cares for harry #he is not perfect. he is mean. but loyal. if he truly didn't care he wouldn't hab come back to martinaise & coulda just reported harry’s as #he put up with du bois’ bullshit for years and built a toxic (totally straight) relationship with him yet always comes back. #he says he will leave you in the village to die but please understand harry isn't exactly a great person. especially pre-bender hdb. #planned a make up joke & put on a wig for hdb even tho he wasn’t the who started the whole fiasco #you can hate him all you want for leaving harry before & during tribunal but how could he have foreseen all this bullshit would have happen #his second leaving is kinda bullshit writing but #jv is dealing with his own demons too. clinical depression. partner almost died. job is shit. case spiraling out control #i do not blame the DE staff either. sometimes shit just happens. not everything needs a grand explanation. #but it definitely coulda been handled better. but i understand. resources were sparse. #i relate to ​jv. as someone with temper issues & attention problems i have to remove myself from the scene or i'll say shit i'd regret late #my man is having the worst week of his life. leave him alone. #kim is great but have u heard of a man who thinks he's old when he is only 30 & luvs horses & his commie boyfriend that he's divorcin' soon #disco elysium #de fanart #jean vicquemare #disco elysium fanart #jean heron vicquemare #jean posting #illustration #de #artists on tumblr #my art #I WANTED TO DRAW THIS FOR MONTHSSS YOU COULDN'T IMAGINE. HE LITERALLY HAUNTED ME IN MY SLEEP!!! #i love him normal amount. very healthy. much feelings #my little maiu maiu