#and so many things to see and experience. i AM glad i didn't die before i met any of you | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

d-criss-news · 10 days

Text

Glee star Darren Criss says he is 'culturally queer' thanks to San Francisco upbringing

When Darren Criss broke out on Glee, he instantly became a "teenage dream" for viewers — especially for LGBTQ+ audiences, who were able to see themselves represented in a new way in television.

Criss himself identities as a straight, cisgender man, but he says that his upbringing in San Francisco, Calif., helped him understand the importance of his character, Blaine, and his character's relationship with Kurt (Chris Colfer).

When asked at the Chicago Comic & Entertainment Expo (C2E2), what it was like portraying the groundbreaking relationship on television, Criss replied, "It was f---ing awesome.... Nowadays, we just call it a relationship on TV. But to contextualize it, a gay relationship on mainstream Fox, that's a pretty cool thing to be a part of," he said, adding emphasis when naming the network.

"I have been so culturally queer my whole life," he continued while appearing on a panel over the weekend. "Not because I'm trying — you know, actually, I was gonna say not because I'm trying to be cool but I'm gonna erase that, because I am trying to be cool. The things in my life that I have tried to emulate, learn from and be inspired by are 100 percent queer as f---."

"It was in queer communities that I've found people that I idolize, that I want to learn something from," he said. "And I'd say that's a gross generalization, that's a lot of things and a lot of people. But I grew up in San Francisco in the '90s. I watched men die. There was an awareness of the gay experience that was not a foreign concept to me. So, it was a narrative that I cared deeply about."

Criss also clarified that he didn't feel any ownership or entitlement over the role, but instead, felt a sense of responsibility once he was cast. "[I wasn't] like, 'I'm the man for the job,'" he explained. "They hired me...They said, 'You're the guy,' and I said, 'Okay, I'm the guy, I will do my best. I will do my best to talk about it in the way I believe and a way that I'm passionate about.'"

Criss portrayed Blaine Anderson for five of Glee's six seasons. He was introduced as an openly gay student at Dalton Academy and a member of a cappella group the Warblers in season 2. He recurred throughout the season. In season 3, Criss was upgraded to a series regular and Blaine transferred to William McKinley High School, home of Kurt and the New Directions. When the series ended, Blaine and Kurt were happily married after many ups and downs.

For Criss, Glee's legacy of portraying a relationship on television that so many people hadn't seen before was the most meaningful part of his experience. "In many ways, I'm glad it was me because it was a thing I really liked showing," he reflected. "It meant a great deal to me and it meant a great deal to other people. Because when people say they were affected by that show or that relationship, it's not because of me, it's because of that relationship on TV and the risks that people took to put that on TV."

"It took the people watching it to have the aptitude for seeing beyond what was maybe given to them in other avenues of culture. People of all ages, all spectrums of awareness say, 'I didn't grow up with a show like that and it was a really meaningful thing for me to see,' and I go I didn't grow up with a show like that and that would've been very meaningful for me too. Regardless of the fact that I'm a straight kid. That has value. For anyone who's been an underdog, we all know, in any shape or form — sexual, religious, biological — it has value because there's going to be a lot of people who see that and say, 'Okay, I can now understand this in a context that maybe I wasn't able to before.'

"It was a f-ing privilege," he concluded, "and I love talking about it and I'm so grateful I got to do it."

#darren criss #entertainment weekly #glee #c2e2 #chicago comic & entertainment expo #press #april 2024

63 notes · View notes

azquine · 11 months

Text

Can I get something on the JoanFK tag that ISN'T just complaining? It is ok to be feeling shit that things went badly in the show, but do you have to tag that negativity on the ship? The negativity is all that there is to see whenever I try to interact with the show and it's making me feel horrible.

I've been in far worse fandoms, and they didn't make me feel this bad.

It all feels so puritanical, like you have forgotten what a teen drama parody entails. Did you forget that they were ALL assholes in the first season who backstabbed and did shitty things to eachother for their own selfish gain? You are applying pretty strict rules of morality onto characters who intrinsically must break those rules to allow the narratives of their genre to move.

This was a short kiss, the result of feelings that JFK and Harriet had actively been trying to avoid for the sake of Joan. This could have been resolved by open communication, but that's not how either drama shows OR stupid hormonal teens work. After making this mistake, they did the most responsible and moral thing they could have and confessed it literally within the same episode as soon as Joan would not, you know, DIE as a result.

All things considered, it wasn't a secret relationship, it wasn't sex, it wasn't a long term secret held until it accidentally spills out and ruins everything. It could have been SO much worse, it was none of my worst fears, and I'm honestly relieved a kiss was where it stopped. And I am also really glad they confessed to quickly because I HATE liar revealed plots more than ANYTHING and I probably would have stopped watching. If they were going to do this plotline it was the best case scenario for me.

And do you know what is even better? What should be the bare minimum but is actually pretty rare in dramas from my experience? Neither of them tried to mitigate Joan's reaction, to say she was overreacting or to dance around the issue to make it sound better beyond a truthful 'we felt nothing'. Joan was allowed the space to fully process the information and her emotions, even if through a montage. And damn I wish I saw that more often.

As for those saying JFK would need a redemption for what he has done- does being open and honest about his wrongdoings not do that pretty succinctly? Beyond having not done it at all what else do you want? Pretty puritanical to want him to suffer before he can be forgiven.

And granted, Harriet got plenty of unjustified hate before she had even done anything, but post-kiss most of the discussion and anger I have seen has been directed solely at JFK. Harriet was part of that kiss too, knowingly going against her friend. Why is the romantic relationship deemed worse to betray? Both of them did a stupid thing together, and fixed it together.

And I'm not saying Joan putting all the consequence on Abe is justified, he didn't do shit wrong either, he tried to keep his friend alive in a tricky situation.

All of your feelings are valid, and I do see why the dominant opinion is what it is. Cheating is an awful thing to do and you should not be with someone you do not trust, I cannot refute that.

Yet at the same time, I felt it was important to put forward some differing points that I had been having. This show will not be enjoyable if we hold a position of being negative and moralistic. To some extent there has to be an acceptance that this is a fiction and moral failings are often part of a narrative structure.

(And while many of you have legitimate critiques on the execution of the show, it feels like some of you are taking the 'thing done badly because I don't like it' route)

I really hope nobody takes this as me trying to enforce cheating or to say that JFK and Harriet kissing was ok. It was shitty of them to do in the first place, but they are not morally irredeemable. Teen do stupid bad thing is not new. I'm also not interested in having an argument over this, I get caught up far too easily in that so I won't be answering any replies or asks. It is fine if you disagree, I'm here to propose a counterpoint.

Sorry if this was repetitive or lengthy. It just felt like I had to get it out there despite it being the early hours of the morning.

#clone high #joanfk #clone high jfk #clone high joan #rant #ramble

110 notes · View notes

swifty-fox · 1 month

Note

okay so I’m not going to go into any details here but I just finished “what comes after” and oh. my. god. you captured the feelings of the person on the other end perfectly.

for me it wasn’t anyone as close as a husband, and I wasn’t there to see it, but they texted me one evening and I swear I just knew. and I knew they were in a pretty bad place, but I don’t think anyone had realized just how bad, and I have so many mixed feelings about all of it? And you somehow managed to write that and make it so tragic and so beautiful and. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say here. I guess I just wanted to say thank you? Thank you for treating the subject so delicately and so fairly and thank you for adding the part about Curt and how he’s there to help and I know it’s “just” fanfiction, but I need you to know how much of an impact it had on me.

so. yeah. thank you. and I’m sorry to spring this on you just like this (if it makes you uncomfortable I’m so sorry! please don’t feel like you have to respond!), I swear I’m not saying any of this to make you feel bad for me or anything. my friend is in a much better place and everything is okay. call this the incoherent ramblings of a person who should’ve gone to bed hours ago now. thank you. thank you thank you thank you thank you <3

theres three experiences in my life I pulled from for this fic

my little brother has been to a psych ward three times in my life, two in the last two years. The second time (March 2023) he called me the day before in great spirits and laughing about a childhood memory. Next day I receive a call that He's going to the hospital, drugs were involved but nobody knew anything more because he's an adult. We heard no news, couldn't contact him for Three Days. We had no idea what happened or how bad things were.

In the aftermath my baby sister and I had to drive into the city to pick his car up and bring it to my parents. She's a freshman in college and was too young to really remember my brothers first time in (I was twenty and she was twelve) and so I had to be the older sibling and tell her to rely on me. To brace herself that this probably would not be the end of the storyline with his mental health issues and she had to make peace with it and to protect herself how she could while still being there for him. I had to put my shit aside for my her and my mom and my dad. Had to be Gale.

At the same time I was fresh off a devastating breakup. I reached out that night to the ex because I thought we were still friends and got brushed off. While driving to get that damn car all i wanted was what my brain thought was my ride or die support system to be there helping me through this. All i wanted was a Curt and I didn't have one. So i gave Gale what i needed via Curt. Someone to pick up the pieces.

My grandmother passed away due to complications from colon cancer in 2020. She came down with an infection that ate away her intestines to nothing in the span of a weekend. I sat on the phone with her six states away as she lay dying on her bathroom floor. My Grandma who was my best friend my namesake wordlessly crying in my ear from pain. And I just remember thinking nobody fucking gave me the instruction manual for this. I went to bed once the ambulance came, thinking she would be okay. And by the time I woke up she was gone. And I've worked my feelings of that out through a previous fic but I definitely reached back into that experience to remember that headspace

I've been on both ends. I almost ended my life several times last year and I'm really fuckin glad I didn't cause I am having so much fun with you guys

#suicide tw #death tw #not related to the suicide tag #swiftytalks #that is to say thank you anon it means the fucking WORLD my stuff resonates

8 notes · View notes

thegeminisage · 7 months

Text

WRATH OF KHAN breakdown

i watched this movie with catherine maulthots six days ago and liveblogged it incoherently on a notepad file on my phone because No Way was i opening this devils website when spock could die any moment. i am recording my experiences here for posterity

firstly i did know going in that he was going to die. this made me wracked with anxiety. more on that later. actually when kirk walked up and was like ha ha arent you supposed to be dead i almost lost it .5 seconds into the movie

absolute first thing was that we werent sure whether or not the thing in the beginning was a test. absolutely LOST MY MIND when i realized it was the kobayashi maru. every ten seconds during this movie i went "omg an aos reference" even though i knew it was really the other way around. somehow i thought mister perfect tos jim wouldn't cheat on the test so when they sort of hinted at what he did but didn't say it i was FROTHING to know more

bones's gay little posture. that's it that's the whole bullet

bones coming to jim's place at night was like the opening of some retro gay porno. DELIGHTED to find out that jim's allergies were not in fact an aos fanon but based in both aos and tos canon (re his little old man glasses)

mad that all of the movies seem to flirt with whether or not james t kirk should retire or captain a starship and then never resolve that question ever. it's like will shatner's insecurity about aging was leeching into the very script. girl we ALL KNOW what he should be doing so either shit or get off the pot

birthday gifts cute though. oh my fucking god. a book and glasses and he shows up with both repeatedly throughout the film

khan's tits were amazing. even as an asexual, even queer as a two dollar bill, i am full of admiration for what he had going on. he was rockin it

when they put the little worms into chekov and terrel cathy was like "omg THATS why they called them khan worms" and then i got to say "omg spn reference" instead of "omg aos reference" and we were so excited she wasn't even mad about it. also, they were so gross, oh my god, i couldn't look, she had to tell me when it was safe to unhide my eyes

meanwhile we're also mercilessly mocking the oversight that allowed khan and chekov to know one another. how did that plothole make it into production

EYE personally was very shocked at the amount of non-annoying women in the movie (two??). i liked both saavik and carol though i had to google to see if saavik was a human or vulcan. VERY cute that spock gave her the wheel to fuck with kirk specifically even though anyone but kirk being captain is so WEIRD. spock can be acting captain but not actual captain!!!

i ALSO knew from spoilers that carol had had kirk's fucking child which i may have accidentally also ruined for catherine so when a woman with an adult son mentioned james kirk onscreen we both became a little. unwell.

khan's "i shall have him" this sort of sexual tension is one of many things missing from into darkness. NOT that i want to see b*nedict c*mberbatch have that with anyone bc he is quite literally so ugly i have to cover his face with my hand when i watch into darkness but they should have cast a better person as khan and then made him have sexual tension with kirk.

cathy on the khan worms coming out of chekov's ears: wow, i love that! me on the same thing: i hate it

khan's "i wish to go on hurting you" no comment

khan yell REALLY GOOD. glad to see some things never change. william shatner was like i have been and will ever be a huge fucking ham

when carol marcus went "can i cook or can't i" i decided to go ahead and start liking women again. nature is healing, etc

if i had seen kirk pop that apple in his mouth while talking about how he didn't like to lose before i wrote gambler's knife. well. the fic probably wouldn't have changed much but my brain chemistry has certainly changed now. i can't explain w human words. AAAAAAUGH

spock's line about "sauce for the goose" was so out of character we had to check the transcript and make sure that was him speaking and not kirk. "sauce for the goose"??? sir, you're a vegetarian

the cgi was surprisingly good in whatever version we watched. it really holds up, which is ironic considering we had 20-minute vistas of it in the previous movie, where it was just okay

spock's death. i cried all the way through. don't text.

i did have a vague idea of what was going on when he melded with bones bc you literally cant avoid spoilers but i didn't have Details so i was very shocked for a second until i remembered

SPOCK'S FUNERAL. oh he would have been insulted to hear jim call him human!!!!! but he WAS

kirk trying to run away from his kid was really good. if i hadn't been blinded with tears i would have really enjoyed it. didn't like the "you've never faced death" bit though bc OBVIOUSLYYY he was on tarsus iv.

anyway then they panned to the coffin and i was like SURELY HES GONNA POP OUT AND SAY SIKE but he didn't. he didn't and i just had to live with that. and we had planned to watch search for spock immediately the next day but fate intervened and i had to skip it TWO DAYS in a row and nearly died. the end.

also, i didn't realize the book spock had given kirk was the one he quoted at the end!!!!!!! really horrible.

#personal #star trek blogging #wok lb #GOD!!!!

8 notes · View notes

minheeskitten · 5 months

Note

Why do you not like detrans people?

They’re just people living their lives like you who mistakenly thought they were trans at one point there are plenty who aren’t anti trans and still believe being transgender is a real thing.

This ask is referencing my 'Anti-trans/detrans DNI' boundary.

Why do I not want detrans on my blog?

Thank you for asking. I am hoping you asked this in a good faith. If you didn't. Then get off my page and block me.

Simply put; I do not want fetishizers or conservatives on my page. This is a safe space for me. They are unsafe.

That's your TLDR. Please do read everything.

Tws for below cut: Suicide mentions. Self Harm Mentions. Detrans fetish/kink mentions.

See, I've also mentioned in the same post you found this info out in, that this blog is my safe space.

I am Trans. I am transitioning. I do not want to detransition and anyone who would fetishize it or try to force me into it, would make this space not safe for me.

And i made this blog to be my safe space. My space to be myself. So I set the rules of who i want interacting or not.

I never said i didn't like the kind ones who don't really bring it up. The ones who quietly turned back on their transition. Or the ones who were trans but didn't do anything more than test out a name before deciding it wasn't right.

However. I do dislike the ones who are pushy about it. Or fetishize it.

My stance on them is: 'Do Not Fetishize Forcing Me To Be Something I Am Not' and 'Do Not Try To Force Me To Stop Being Trans'

I am all for gender experimentation. Fuck yeah, find out who you are! Experiment with that gender.

Since this is a space for me; I do not want anyone to come talk to me about detransitioning. I am not a safe space for those who are detrans to talk about their experiences.

I am glad there are ones who aren't anti-trans. Because there are far too many who detransition and then become anti-trans.

Not all of them are anti trans. But there is significant enough overlap that i am uncomfortable with them near me, since it can be hard to know who is and who isn't right off the bat.

Now, i recognize they are human. They could have figured out they disliked identifying the way they thought they wanted to. However.

Don't say transitioning is a mistake. Do not come onto my blog and say this to me again. Ever. I will block because of that sort of ask.

Wanna know why i take offense to this? Read the next few sentences. Carefully.

Transitioning has literally saved my life.

If i was not trans. I would be dead. By my own hand.

If i see someone trying to force detrans onto me. I may partake in harmful behavior for my physical and mental health.

I already suffer enough as it is, thank you.

I have nothing against the ones who transitioned and went 'oh this isn't me' and went back.

I strongly dislike those who fetishize detransitioning or try to force others to detransition.

Because that ideology would be my death

I don't want people bringing detrans ideas into my asks/notes. For my own mental health and well-being.

If they aren't one of the ones who would force it on me, they're chill. If they do not reblog or post detrans content, they can vibe with me.

But, as a preventative measure, i will block anyone who posts detrans content.

So that tumblr doesn't try to recommend me those tags. So that i don't have to worry about followers of mine being rude about me being Trans. So i do not have to see content that i do not enjoy seeing.

If i excluded only those who fetishize and force it on others, they would get very rude about me wanting them to not interact.

And then they would send threats and be all sorts of toxic. And i cannot handle that. This is a measure to keep myself safe.

It is simply safer to have them all avoid interacting, than to have to try and block every single one of them who pops up.

Every time i see 'detrans kink' i die a little inside. Because half the time. Its non fucking consensual.

Yes i do enjoy a little non-con. But not when it comes to my gender. Not when they force me to be something i am not.

Yeah i can block the tag. But that means i have to block every iteration of said tag.

Which is not feasible for me, or anyone.

Kindly respect my wishes. Because it literally keeps me alive, to avoid them.

It is a personal choice, that i made, to keep myself safe.

A choice i made to curate my experience on the internet. Which i suggest you do as well. After all, that is how it was meant to be used.

Hopefully you understand what i mean. As well as why i do not want them interacting.

If you have any follow up questions. Ask nicely, and in good faith. Any asks i receive that i believe are not made in good faith, i will block and delete.

Thank you for reading this post.

#talks <3 #info!#asks <3 #anons <3 #hall of shame <3

5 notes · View notes

saltpepperbeard · 1 hour

Note

What are your top 5 Ed x Stede moments? 😊 I’m curiously asking several blogs to see how many of us share favorites!

MAN, anon! I tried to give this one some thought to see if the choosing would get any easier/become any clearer. Spoiler alert: IT DID NOT HSDLKS I AM STILL JUST AS TORN AS I WAS BEFORE. But let me see if I can at least ~*~attempt this~*~. My first three were easy but then the LAST TWO HAD ME PACING SHDLKS:

So okay, obviously have to put their first kiss in the ranking because it's so iconic and it's the thing that got me into the show in the first place! Like, literally the FIRST scene I laid eyes upon. And it had me crying full blown tears at work because I was just so floored that we weren't queer baited and that it was so sweet and tentative and cautious and just,,, The rest was history of course lol!

Like really, the Power it has. Didn't even know the characters or the story that much at all, and was already crying LMAO.

Then of course I have to put the second beach kiss(es) because good god lol GOOD GOD!!! I think I adore it so so much mainly because Ed and Stede are finally on the same page. No more doubts, no more worries, no more anxieties, no more questioning if they have the same feelings or are going too slow/fast. Just them and their strong, solid love--their good bones.

Not to mention Ed dropping the double "I love you" ??? I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am that we heard a legitimate "I love you." And Ed being the one to say it after all the hurt, all the pain in feeling unlovable, all the fear that he'd die completely alone, all the worry that his strong feelings were too much...Man. MAN.

And thennnnn the reunion scene because yeah. Yeah. I've said this before and I'll say it again: watching this at like 4:30am for the first time almost gave me an out of body experience HSLDSHS. Like, I think there's just something about the fact that we were all going through so many different iterations of possible reunions during the s1-s2 gap. We envisioned angsty, silly, romantic, and everything in between.

But this lol THIS,,,

I feel like it just surpassed expectations in such a beautiful, fantastical way. Like genuinely, I never EVER anticipated Ed being stuck in purgatory about to die and Stede coming to him as a mermaid because the real Stede is sitting with his body begging him not to succumb.

Also, Stede begging and screaming at Ed not to die/to wake up/to come back to him always makes me feel some sort of way. Something something he's normally so silly and so theatrical but he's so choked up and so serious in that moment that it PUNCHES ME IN THE KIDNEYS. Like it really just goes to show how utterly desperate he is. And that last, whispered, strained, "come back to me..." ??? Homie............

ALSO also, obligatory "This Woman's Work" mention because I knew that song and nothing else for like two months straight HSKLDS. Or two months gay, rather.

...

see this is where i start Dying because i'm being pulled in so many different directions lol DO I GO FOR ROMANTIC, OR SILLY, OR EARNEST, OR,,, SKLDJHLDJKDKDA

Okay okay I think I'm going to have to go earnest because I adore that they actually talked things through together. FLEETING LMAO, BUT STILL GLAD THEY DID, EVEN IF IT WAS JUST FOR A BIT. I just love that they actually expressed some frustrations, that Stede actually talked about his fears/his panic, that Ed set a boundary, and that Stede respected it. And then Stede gently navigated around and expressed his love in different ways and it folded Ed in half almost immediately hsdkljs YOU LOVE TO SEE IT.

But yeah no--if me rolling around Atticus' fics and me writing my own stories is any indication, I really REALLY LIKE IT WHEN THESE TWO ACTUALLY TALK LMAO. BECAUSE THEY HAVE SO SO MUCH BOTTLED UP, BOTH INDIVIDUALLY AND AS A COUPLE, SO IT'S JUST HSLDKS TALK IT THROUGH AS A CREW OF TWO MY BELOVED!!!

......

oh god oh god what do i pick for the last one lol WHAT DO I PICK FOR THE LAST ONE,,,

mmmMMmmmMMMM,,,,,,

SUCCUMBED TO MORE TALKING IT THROUGH LMAO.

I love so many of their other moments, and honestly, so many things could have made this list. But the bathtub scene...man. Taika saying it's more vulnerable and even more romantic than their first kiss is shdljks yeah. YEAH. LIKE HE'S COOKING A BIT WITH THAT BECAUSE IT'S JUST,,,

I feel like it's such a pivotal and important step in their relationship. Ed has literally never told that secret to anyone else, but he entrusted it with Stede. He feels safe enough around Stede to expose the darkest parts of his past, and he's entirely right to do so, because Stede doesn't view him any differently at all. Stede is right there, wanting to be his friend--loving him still.

And I think it's also good for Stede because of that vulnerability. He gets to see how much Ed trusts him and feels safe around him. He's getting to see Ed and Ed alone, which can't be said for so many other people.

It's just the two of them in that moment and I adore it so much.

...I just adore THEM so much, anon, so thank you for spreading this sweet little ask around! It was super fun to consider, aLBEIT SLIGHTLY RGGHGHGHH INDUCING BECAUSE I COULD INCLUDE SO MUCH LMAO. But thank you kindly! <3

Also, for the record, if I had to rank them from most favorite to still favorite but not AS favorite, I'd go Double Beach Kiss, Reunion, First Kiss, Love Everything About You, and Bathtub.

#Answered #Gentlebeard #Blackbonnet #Edward Teach #Stede Bonnet #OFMD #OFMD Season 2 #This was delightful #AND GOT ME YAPPIN' UNSURPRISINGLY HSDJKLS

5 notes · View notes

sticktopia · 7 months

Text

Sticktober Days 12-21

(Sorry for disappearing! It’s been hecktic here. These journal entries should clear everything up)

Day 1

The other day, a strange portal appeared in the garden. At first, we weren't sure what it was. But upon closer inspection, we found that it was a nether portal. It looked weird since it wasn't in the typical “Minecraft artstyle”. But it was here in our world. That should have been impossible considering we don't exist in or around the Minecraft world.

Aster really wanted to go in. He had never seen the nether and wanted to experience it himself. Since I've played minecraft back when I was younger, I knew the dangers that lurked within the dimension. I tried convincing him that going would be dangerous, but then Razz hopped in saying that they wanted to see the nether for themself as well. Soon, all my blossoms decided that they wanted to go to the nether as well.

After a bunch of begging from them, I finally allowed them to enter. But they could only go if they learned the rules of the world and how to craft. It took many days, but they did eventually get their recipes down. Once they were prepared, we entered the portal.

(Little side note, For some reason, when I walked through the portal, my body became my minecraft skin. It was weird being a block person. But I guess I'm used to it at this point.)

I led the other five around the nether. I explained what they didn't understand and stopped them from falling into lava. That was exhausting all on it’s own. What I didn't expect however was that I would be stuck here.

As we made our way back to the portal, we were suddenly attacked by a ghast. I told my blossoms to run to the portal and that I would stay behind and fend off the ghast. They all made it through, thank gods. But the ghast blew up the portal before I could get through. So now I'm here. Stuck in the nether with no tools, armor, or a way back home.

Day 2

I think it’s day two. But I can't be too sure about that. Either way, I'm just glad that i'm still alive. It’s lucky that I've watched a bunch of minecraft letsplays. I probably would have died long ago if I hadn't. Using what i've learned from those videos, i've managed to snag some loot from the bastion. I had a couple gold ingots, a golden sword, and a gold helmet. I've heard that if a player wears some kind of gold, they won't be attacked. So this will definitely come in handy if it doesnt break.

I'm not sure if this is true, but I think if I trade these gold ingots with the piglins enough, they’ll eventually give me obsidian blocks or iron ingots. That’ll surely help me get home. I just need three obsidian blocks and one iron ingot! Well, I also need some flint. But there’s gravel everywhere in the nether. So I think I'll be able to aquire that fast enough!

Day 3

I've been trading with piglins forever! I havent gotten anything useful! Well, that’s a lie. I got five iron nuggets, a few pieces of string, and some leather. I think I can make an iron ingot with the nuggets but i'm not fully sure.

Not only am I not getting useful items, I'm also starving. It’s been a long time since I last ate. But I don't remember what is and is not edible in this blocky underworld. I think Blue said that netherwart is good to eat. In all honestly, netherwart is the VERY LAST thing I even want to put in my mouth. But beggars can't be choosers at this point. It either I die here or I just eat the damn thing. Hopefully I don't die before finding a nether fortress. Cause that’s the only place those things can grow.

Day 4

Finding a nether fortress wasn't as hard as I thought it was. What was hard however was fending off all the hecking mobs. There were so many for absolutely no reason. I just barely got away with my life. My helmet and sword broke. So I guess that means no more trading with Piglins unless I really do want to die.

Besides that fact, I managed to find some netherwart. And GODS ABOVE this thing is NASTY. I don't know how blue could eat-no, CRAVE this thing EVERY SINLGE DAY. Sorry, that was a bit much. But there in no way i can keep eating this. I’ll actually die from poisoning if I keep eating this.

On another note, I wonder if my blossoms are looking for me. Or even trying to figure out a way to open the portal again. I can only pray at this point.

Day 5

I'VE MADE THE DISCOVERY OF A LIFETIME!!!!! The hoglin things, the very demonic boar things that fling you up in the air, those things. THEY DROP FOOD WHEN THEY DIE!!! I'M SAVED!!!!!

I can finally stop eating Blue’s drug fungus! Hallelujah! Maybe it was wrong of me to do this but i literally tossed all the netherwart I gathered into the lava… Blue wouldn't kill me for doing that. I hope.

Anyway!!! I have good food now! I’ll live just a little bit longer! All I need now are weapons! Then I can surely survive till I find a way home!

Day 6

Things are finally starting to look up! I found a piece of obsidian, two diamonds, and a few more gold ingots! My goal now is to find a warped forest biome and make a sword!

Oh yeah! I accidentally killed a piglin earlier as well. And it gave me a crossbow! I don't think i’ll be able to use it since i don't have any arrows but it might come in handy sooner or later. Arrows should exist in the nether i think. I mean, how else are Piglins supposed to use crossbows? Maybe I can check out another piglin chest thing. They always have treasures and loot in those things. So maybe there’ll be some arrows in there!

Do piglins trade arrows too? I can't remember. Maybe i can try trading again. I’ll just use the hole method so they don't attack me.

Day 7

I'm staring to get the hang on the nether now. It’s different from playing behind a screen but it is a lot more fun this way! Well, fun when I'm not being attacked by mobs and almost falling into lava and starving. But I am having fun either way! Maybe I should start playing again. And maybe I can play with my blossoms as well. Assuming they arent traumatized by being attacked.

Aside from that rant, I did manage to trade with the hoglins. I have more iron ingots and bars, a fire resistance potion, and I got a few arrows from their treasure areas as well. I take that as a win. I also found my way to a warped forest! Sadly, I'm kinda stuck in a tree at the moment. I accidentally shot an enderman trying to kill another hoglin. So it’s kinda just screeching at me on the floor. Do endermen eventually give up? Or am I gonna have to kill this dude first?

Ok so I killed him. And he gave me his eye. That was nice of him. Anyway, now that I have wood and sticks, i can finally make myself a diamond sword! More weapons! Maybe I could make myself a sheild but I never learned the recipe to that. Can I activate the recipe book in this form?

Ok so I can't, sadly. If this were the old version of minecraft, I wouldn't need to manually place the items in the box. I miss the old minecraft sometimes. But I must say, this new minecraft is quite entertaining.

Day 8

Ok now I'm bored. I feel like I've been all over the nether at this point. I also feel like i've done everything i can in the nether. I've traded with piglins, stole from bastions, ate netherwart, rode a strider, chopped down a warped tree, and killed a bunch of mobs. Is there anything else to do here other than, ya know, LIVE.

Ah whatever. Maybe I'll be stuck here forever. Future generations will know me as the lost player. I’ll become another minecraft creepypasta or legend. I leave this journal for the next player to read and dissect lore and stuffs. Lore is good. Lore is great. Lore is delicious.

I wonder if the others have held a funeral for me. That would be so funny actually. They hold this big extravagant funeral for me and I just suddenly appear again. They might actually kill me thinking I'm an imposter or maybe a ghost.

Either way. The nether is my home now. I guess I'll have to figure my future out here.

Day 9

The piglins have been agitated lately. I can't understand their language, but I know that theyre very upset about something. I wonder what it is. Maybe they're mad because I keep stealing their things and they don't know who’s taking their stuff. If that is the case, i am very sorry to them. But I need to live. I’d prefer not to die in the minecraft equivilent of hell. Maybe this is a sign. I'm being prepared to face the real underworld because that’s where I'll be going.

Either way, i'm not going to die here. I still have a lot to do with my life. Like take care of my garden, care for my blossoms, finish writing my story, and other things. If I listed them all here I think that would fill the rest of this book. And I can't do that cause then there will be no room for lore. Not only that, I might lose my mind if I don't write something. And we can't let the last bits of my sanity leave me now.

Day 10

Ok so this day has been absolutely CRAZY! Let me explain.

The day started like any other. I was hunting for Hoglins when I was suddenly attacked by a swarm of Piglins! I tried to fight my way out but there were too many of them. I had to take to the trees again. But the freaking Piglins weren’t following the game mechanics! They were like-not like the game! They were climbing on top of each other and trying to get to me. I panicked and started firing arrows at them. I wasted all ym arrows doing that. All I had left was my almost broken sword and a fishing rod.

Thankfully! I remembered how the CG used their fishing rods during our battle royale. So I pulled out the rod and started flinging the piglins off the nearby cliff. But then I accidentally brough a piglin onto the tree with me! It attacked me, knocking me off the tree and into the lava.

Obviously I'm not dead. And that’s cause I took the fire resistance potion! It still hurt falling into the lava, but i'm sure burning alive would hurt a lot more.. Besides that, being on fire with no harm was weird. Anyway, I swam my way out of the lava and sat on the bank. It’s hard moving in lava! It’s like I was in molasses. Well, once I caught my breath, I tried to make my way to my base. But then I was attacked by the piglins again! And I had nowhere to escape this time. I couldn't just hop back into the lava. And I didn't exactly have the resources to fend them all off.

I was quite literally saying my goodbyes in my head when the piglins suddenly started paying attention to something behind them. All of a sudden, the color gang bursted through the army of piglins! It was amazing!!! They were like, kicking ass! I can't beleive we faught them head on.The hollowhead kid came up to me and explained the situation.

Apparently, my blossoms were freaking out about me not making it through the portal. So they emailed themselves to Alan’s PC to ask the Color group for help. That’s good. At least they didn't abandon me.

Anyway, the Color group helped me get to their PC. I turned back into my stick form and was immediately attacked by my blossoms. They promised to never go back into minecraft ever again. Fair enough. But I know that Razz and Aster are the two who won't hold onto that promise.

Well, I'm finally home. After 10 days and 9 nights in Minecraft hell, I’m finally back home. I may not be playing minecraft for a while. But it knows that I'll be back in a few months.

#alan becker #avm #oc #sticktober 2023 #ava sticktober #minecraft nether #fanfic

4 notes · View notes

bearsgrove · 1 year

Note

7 & 14 for ravell, 18 & 38 for wren, and H for both of them <3 xxxx

thank u jackie!! :^) ♥

7. What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling? ravell despises the feeling of nostalgia. it often involves times from their past that were not actually good periods of time at all but the memory twists them into looking almost idyllic. ravell knows they were never idyllic, they wouldn't go back if they had the chance. but the brain sometimes brings up these rare small moments of contentment or slivers of serenity whether they like it or not. what's annoying is that anything ordinary can trigger these memories. like a certain kind of weather, makes them remember a different life, somewhere else, with people who are no longer alive. certain food unexpectedly triggers memories of working various kitchen jobs in cyrodiil. ravell wasn't in a good place in either of those moments but the passage of time erodes memories like a river erodes stones.

14. What animal do they fear most? they don't particularly fear any animal, they believe if anything bleeds it can die and as long as they have their weapons around (which is always) they will be fine. though they are not fond of wolves or encountering wolves in the wild because it's easier for wolves to sneak up on a person. you usually hear a bear, they are big and loud, you hear the giant spiders because they make no effort to sneak, you hear trolls, etc. but wolves are sometimes too quiet for ravell's liking. also after joining the dawnguard and seeing the armored trolls they are quite glad they don't have to fight them because those creatures do inspire a bit of healthy fear in ravell. but again, they pose no threat to ravell so they don't mind them.

18. What embarrasses them? oh wren hates combat on most days. not being as good as their companions (you know, warriors with years of experience which wren doesn't have) can embarrass them a little. sometimes they think "what tf am i even doing here" when they miss an arrow or they grow painfully aware of their wonky moves while fighting with a sword. thankfully their companions don't actually give a shit and are mostly there to help wren when they need it, they know wren isn't a fighter. before the whole watcher business wren was a merely a hunter, they Rarely had to fight another person. over time they get better, especially edér helps them get better, but they still feel quite embarrassed when they mess something up.

38. What memory do they revisit the most often? they often think back to the time when they encountered the biawac that eventually led them to becoming a watcher. they don't like thinking about "ifs" and speculate on things that are in the past but when the burden of a watcher gets too heavy they go back to that memory thinking what if i didn't join the caravan what if we didn't have to stop there what if we took a different turn in the cave. there is a load of "what ifs" floating in their head because they so badly wish none of that ever happened. they feel like they were never meant for something that big and so they keep looking for an alternate scenario that would play out differently and they would never encounter thaos. of course they know this is all futile but it's unfortunately the memory they revisit more often than they would like.

H) What trait do you admire most? their resilience. for both of them. this might come as a surprise but ravell and wren actually have a lot of traits in common. they might look like two wildly different people on the outside and they still have more differences than things in common but at their core they are both extremely resilient. i've always admired their ability to stand up and dust off their knees and carry on. many times i went back to think about ravell and their endevours and how they managed things when i was struggling myself. and i would think look ravell would just stand up and keep going. not to be sappy but yes ravell as a character have helped me (and is still helping me) a lot. same goes for wren. ravell is just older so i have a stronger attachment to them but this is one thing ravell and wren have in common and that i admire about both of them. maybe one thing i would add that i like about wren is their ability to stand their ground and speak their mind. they have often been overlooked and talked over in their life but it never once affected them in a way that they would become less confident. if anything it made them that much more assertive and unyielding. they are short and they are a nature godlike, which doesn't help them to look menacing or be taken more seriously. but they don't care, they speak with confidence and they don't bend for anyone. (that is true for ravell too but ravell doesnt have the issue of not being menacing enough lmao they are tall and scary so this is a given trait for them. what i like about wren is that it's more or less Learned and Earned and being that way despite circumstances)

questions

#asks #gwynbleidd #oc tag #ravell #wren #man i missed answering character questions #didnt expect to get emotional from these questions but man #i love ravell and wren so much #reinstalling poe as we speak

4 notes · View notes

caatws · 11 months

Note

As a Natasha and Gamora fan I find it interesting that both women were firsts in many ways, had their lives ended using Vormir and as a result of their deaths they both ended up with less focus in their final team films. Also It's interesting that in both cases a male character, Tony and Yondu, ended up with funerals while they didn't. Natasha ended up with the better end of the deal than Gamora did, which is another layer of issues with representation, but in the ways things for them are similar I think it brings up how women's stories aren't centered in the same way men's are and that's a symptom of how women's lives aren't valued in the way men's are. It's not just the mcu either. There are more stories centered around men and we see the same types of stories over and over often be lauded as fresh and unique when really it's nothing new. We also have more instances of men getting to play roles well into old age and be seen as worth investing in. I have also noticed that when women speak up about wanting something to be changed about a role they play or wanting more they are seen as being greedy or whiny. When men have similar issues there's more support. I'm glad things are changing but it's still something I believe is worth noting when I think about how it was only 5/4 years ago that both Gamora and Natasha were killed off in a concept that didn't exist before IW and has had no further meaning for them or the mcu. It was ultimately just a place to die.

I am glad Natasha eventually got a solo movie but it's sad it took so long and it was after she died instead of adding to her story beforehand. I'm glad Gamora was in vol 3, but the fact that they brought her back in a way where all of the life she had that wasn't attached to being abused by Thanos no longer existed for her, is unsettling

With Gamora it's also interesting to see how while Natasha's death was taken seriously, hers has been uneven. Following Endgame, where we got to explore it with Nebula, it's Peter devastated and the writing around the rest of her family is almost like a running gag of we don't know what happened, who knows what happened. Which isn't funny. We know what took place so why not be serious about it and show more respect. It was sad to see Rocket's abuse and near death written as if it was a bad thing while Gamora's abuse and murder was written as if it didn't really happen. Same for 2014 Gamora being in the future. It's treated as if that wasn't a hard and emotional experience for her though Endgame showed there was so much going on that would need to be worked through.

It's frustrating that there has been no transparency about what dying on Vormir means for Natasha and Gamora potentially having an afterlife. Are their souls stuck on Vormir would be nice to know. Does Thanos trying to destroy the stones mean anything for Gamora's soul is another important factor. This lack of transparency has disappointingly followed Gamora. Gunn doesn't make much of anything clear about Gamora's post Endgame life or purpose. Why she end up with the ravagers and was she ever curious about the guardians at some point are never talked about. Was there something for her to gain by taking part in this last journey with the guardians separate from her interactions with Peter is another important part not elaborated on. These are some things I think could be beneficial for fans to know. Especially in light of a number of people wanting to dismiss her after vol 3. I'm curious if Gunn is at all aware that Gamora has represented something and that her death wasn't a non issue.

At this point I just think gunn doesn’t even really care abt the gamora thing. Not necessarily in an intentional or even malicious way, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this whole thing is just way more unserious for him, and like he thinks those of us with these issues are just taking it too seriously or are way too focused on just one thing. I mean, that’s just the vibe I get from him lol which is just kind of annoying

The blatant sexism throughout the infinity saga could not have been made more apparent in infinity war and endgame. Like after nat and gamora’s deaths, we got the All Female Team-Up Scene that did feel forced bc literally hardly any of those characters have gotten to interact before, meanwhile we just spent 5 hours watching male characters from different franchises get to interact and develop relationships etc. And just…how are you gonna finally have le epic girl power scene after 10 years but not even have either original female lead (not counting 2014!gamora bc she Is Not The Original Female Lead of gotg bc she is a Separate Character) in it 🫨

#ask #the gamora situation

3 notes · View notes

taelor-alexis · 2 years

Text

Word count: 1.8k

Summary - :(

Dear Eddie,

I still can't believe that you are gone. It's been 168 days since you left me here, since you were taken from me.

I can't find the words to describe how depressed I am without you. But I'll try.

I miss you more and more everyday. You were my rock and now without you I'm lost.

I keep hoping one day I'll wake up and you'll be laying next to me again, like we used to almost every day.

I feel sick everyday thinking about you, thinking about how I will never see that beautiful smile ever again. I can only visit you in my dreams or in pictures we have.

I have 328 pictures printed out of us, and it's not enough.

I keep searching for answers, why were you taken from me so soon. We spent 1499 days together, unfortunate timing. Four years of nothing but laughs, nothing but amazing memories.

Dustin really misses you. He blames himself for you dying. I blame myself.

You were so brave, Eddie. So so brave. You sacrificed yourself for a town that did nothing but hate you. You didn't run, and I'm so proud of you.

Although a part of my wish you had ran, though I can't be selfish.

I wish I still had you in my arms, you loved when I held you close. You loved when I drew shapes on your back, making you guess what they were. You sucked at guessing what they were!

There were so many things we never got to do. I don't even think I could experience them without you. You were my baby, and I was yours.

I miss you so much, Eddie. I love you so much. My heart hurts yearning for you to come back.

I prayed to God, begging him to take me too, but every morning I woke up. I just wanted to be with you, I just wanted to be with you again.

I wish I could hear your laugh again, I wish I could hear your voice whispering sweet nothing in my ear. I wish I could see your handsome face, to touch your hair again. You really were the most handsome man in the world.

Oh how good it felt to be wrapped in your arms. You made me feel so whole, Eddie. Why did you have to go? Why did you have to leave me?

You should have ran. You should have ran and never looked back. You should have followed me and Dustin. I wish you would have. I wish you would have been selfish and ran. I wish you were not brave, I wish you were not a hero.

I still dream about that night.

The way I held you in my arms, as you begged me not to leave you. I still remember the way your hair looked, it was so fizzy. I felt that last breath you took, and that's when my whole soul left my body. I'm so glad you didn't have to hear my screams for you. I'm so glad you didn't hear me cry.

Your last words were that you loved me. And the last thing you heard me say was that you couldn't leave me. I told you I loved you just before that, but I hate that it wasn't the last thing I said you.

You died not hearing me tell you I loved you, as the last thing you heard on this planet. And I hate myself every day for just not saying it one last time.

Dustin and Steve had to drag me away. I couldn't leave you. I didn't want to, I wanted to die with you. I think apart of me did die when you did. I was kicking and screaming, I didn't want to leave you, Eddie. I begged them to leave me with you, I wanted to stay with you. Romeo and Juliette style, I think it wouldn't have been okay.

I took all your jewelry and your wallet when I left. Not in a 'I'm robbing you' way. Just in a way to remember you. And I took your favorite pin off your jacket.

I wear it everyday.

I don't think I'll ever let you go. I don't think I could ever stop loving you. You were the great love of my life, I really don't think I'll meet anyone else.

And when I was cleaning your room, I found the ring. I found it, and it's absolutely beautiful. I would have said yes, just so you know.

I have exciting news for you.

After you passed I had to go to the doctor for my injuries, and they told me I'm pregnant.

You would have been such an amazing father, I know we weren't actively trying to have a baby, but you always told me you couldn't wait to give me a baby.

Our baby will know what a beautiful soul you were, how when you smiled it lit up a room. She will know everything. Oh she's a girl by the way. You always wanted a baby girl. "I can't wait to hold both of my girls" you would tell me as we fantasized about our future together.

You really were a beautiful person inside and out, I don't know how I was so lucky to have you. You blessed me everyday with that goofy smile. I think an angel sent you down from heaven to find me, to make my life absolutely worth living.

Now I'll always have a piece of you. A part of you will always be with me.

The days get a little easier as i trudge through them. Not a day goes by that I don't miss you, that I don't cry for you. I just wish you could hold my hand once more. I wish I could feel your skin on mine once more.

Im working at The Gap, it's kind of fun, I've made a lot of friends. Customers are kind of mean though, I'm sure we would have had a lot of laughs from me telling you about ridiculous things they've said to me.

I wish you could have graduated with me, Eddie, they called your name along with some others to hold a moment of silence for you guys. I couldn't hold my tears in when you weren't able to walk that stage.

I thought maybe I had run out of tears on the 100th day since you passed. Turns out I had about a million tears left in my body.

The doctor says crying isn't good for the baby, so I try not to do that. I know you wouldn't want me to cry, you always hated when I cried. It made you cry too, such a softy.

I miss your tattoos. I'm going to get a small tattoo on my wrist, to honor you. So you really will always be with me.

I keep buying that cheap cologne you liked from the Kmart. It did smell so good on you.

I took your bedding to my home, using it instead of that bubblegum pink bedspread you absolutely loathed. It makes me feel closer to you.

I have not given up one article of clothing you owned. My mom says I'm a hoarder. I don't care, I can't give you up like that. I'm sure one day I'll be able to donate some of your clothes, But not now.

Oh! Dustin was at the store and bought the cutest baby onesie, it says 'my daddy is my hero'. When I tell you I cried for 3 hours after seeing it, it's not an exaggeration.

You know what I miss the most about you? Was how much you loved me, no matter how weird I was. I miss how weird we were together. I miss how we used to watch shitty movies all the time and laugh at how silly they were. I miss walking around the trailer park at night. I miss showing you every night where the Big Dipper was in the sky. You were never good at finding it.

That bright star in the sky is you, I know it. Watching me from up above.

Happy endings are for movies I guess.

I won't have a happy ending ever I don't think.

Im scared to live every day without you. I'm scared it won't get much easier than it is right now, and it's not very easy at the moment.

I'm scared one day it will all be too much for me.

I never knew how bad it could hurt to love someone until I met you. I've tried to let it hurt until it no longer hurt anymore. Whoever said that was bullshitting, it hurts more now that I tired that.

You were just a moment of time in my life Eddie, but it felt like forever. A forever I wish would have really lasted forever. Although in Alice in wonderland they say something about how a forever can only last but a second in time. How does it feel like you were in my life forever, and for a second at the same time?

Our little moments aren't so little now looking back. I'll treasure every moment we had together.

I know in another lifetime our souls will be destined to find each other, and we can finally have our happy ending. Just like the movies. You are my soulmate, Eddie.

I feel like I'm in hell, it's like, you are in my dreams, and we are so happy together, but when I wake up and you are not next me, I break a little more. I hurt a little more.

I know you will always be in my heart Eddie. I know I will always love you. I know I will cherish every moment we spent together. I know we will meet again, in the stars.

Your soul touched many lives, mine included. Your legacy will reign on. Our baby will have your last name. She will be a Munson, just like I always wanted to be. I will never forget you, and your beautiful soul.

You are my best friend Eddie Munson.

You are my soul mate Eddie Munson.

You are my everything Eddie Munson.

It hard to say goodbye, so I don't think I'll be doing that. I can’t say goodbye to you. I won’t.

So I'll just say, See you later, alligator.

And I know you are saying, in a while, crocodile. Just like you always said to me.

I love you, Eddie Munson. More than there are stars in the sky.

I love you.

With all my love, y/n

#eddie munson #eddie my beloved #eddie x reader #eddie munson x you #stranger things #stranger things 4 #edward munson #imagine #oneshot #eddie munson story #eddie munson spoilers #eddie munson stranger things

21 notes · View notes

corrodedseraphine · 1 year

Note

It’s almost 2023, so let’s celebrate the good things that happened to us in 2022! ✨ List ten amazing things that happened to you this year!

If you want to, send this to other people who brighten your day to help them remember the good things they had this year!

---

I'm so glad to have found you and your blog this year, Alexandra! I hope you have a lovely end of year and that 2023 brings you many great things and experiences!

You are so sweet, I can't 😭 I also want to wish you all the best, let 2023 be your year full of joy and new great possibilities! 🧁

So this is my list:

I travelled a lot and it was one of the most amazing aspects of 2022 for sure

I managed to get a bachelor's degree

I made really big progress with learning Spanish

I also improved my crochet skills and I am very proud of things I can make now

I also managed to rank up in league of legends from iron and learned a lot so I am not such a noob anymore hshshahah

The same comes with TFT, I can proudly say that my rank is gold now!!

Despite some hard moments during this year I am grateful that I had my boyfriend and friends close and their support helped me not to give up

I also found a lot of great board games and thanks to them we meet more often to play and it is great because before we didn't spend much time together as a group. I love our board games meetings and I really hope they will continue in 2023!

Stranger Things! I watched 1st and 2nd season then had very long break and couple days before s4 vol2 release I came back to it and thanks to it and our beloved Eddie Munson I rejoined tumblr and met so many amazing people like you, read so many beutiful stories and oh god I hope Stranger Things fandom will never die because I can't imagine my life now without these beautiful pieces of art that you create

Also thanks to ST I started writing again and it turned out to be great way to handle my overthinking issues. I feel much better when these dark clouds of bad thoughts are inviding my brain and I can just ignore them when I write my silly fanfics, even though I am not a good writer. I am so happy each time I see someone left kudos or likes under my work, and when someone reblog it? I want to scream of happiness hshashah. I used to write fanfics in 2012/2013/2014 about One Direction and 5sos, but then I stopped. 😂 But I am really glad I came back to it this year.

#ask reply

3 notes · View notes

wildernessuntothemselves · 2 years

Note

Not me literally dreaming about yamqn after reading the new chapter... twice in the same night. First time taehyun show up in any of my dreams. That's what I get for reading drunk in bed -_-

First dream was basically me spoiling taehyun rotten lol. Full on babying him and watching he soften and melt more and more. Surprisingly nothing sexual, just confort and reassurance to the max for him.

(lord tyun is indeed a emotionally stunted prideful baby. that's cute and sad at the same time. i'm glad oc finally got around to understanding his love language and having the patience to be compationate with him and his trauma related boundaries. the little tic you added was a nice touch to convey his inner turmoil in some moments.)

Second dream I was the assassin tasked with killing the king and yeonjun. I had so much fun killing the old thing lol. Killing yeonjun was half sad half sensual - he looked so confused but so entranced, and in pain but also relieved (? as if he wanted to die? he looked like he was enjoying it) Somehow in the dream my "payment" for the job was to have my sentence changed from being beheaded to becoming beomgyu’s personal slave??? (I am not even into that sort of thing! help)

And talking about Beomgyu... YES!! HE IS ALIVE AND INSANE AND MORE POWERFUL THAN EVER!! Why do I feel weirdly proud of him?? Like, yes baby, do your thing! That's what the man in your family get for treating you like a weak good-for-nothing! Go paint with their blood and dance on their graves!! God, I waited so long to see that happen!

Also, Kai... my dude scrambling over every excuse in the book to blindly defend his friend awful actions regardless?? I can't even even condemn him cause that's exactly what I've been doing for beomgyu (except the rape. nothing justify rape. but that's not the point here) lol. And him basically telling oc "we are talking about beomgyu... just go already bitch 🙄" every few paragraphs?? He feels so bitter but so relatable now lol. I guess I was supposed to hate him, but it didn't work, I get him.

I have a lot more to say but this whole rambling is already a mess, so I will stop now and try to organize my brain first.

~♡anon

ahhhh I want your dreams 😭 i think about yamqn every night and every day so I can develop the story, why do i not get the dreams? 😭

your dream about taehyun was actually something i had originally wanted oc to do. there would've been scenes where she would baby him and he would let her because he never got to experience being doted on before. but unfortunately, tyun's character was resistant lmao so sadly now those scenes only belong in an alternate universe where gyu wasn't so crazy and oc and tyun were allowed to develop their relationship naturally without interference. sighhhh it would've been so cute

this is so interesting! i didn't conceptualize yeonjun as that but i also didn't really give many details about him so this is very valid. imagine a yeonjun who actually didn't want to be the next king and he saw how terrible the state of his family is and how his little brother was going crazier by the day but he couldn't do anything so when he realized he was getting killed, he was kind of relieved to be free from this horrible life. awww you made me feel sad for him and i actually hated him a lot as in my mind he was modeled after my older brother lmao.

beomgyu personal sex slave? 👀 😏 sign me up

our murder baby diaper yandere is flourishing 😭 go baby slay them (literally) you're doing amazing sweetie

you're not actually supposed to hate him (but it's okay if people do) but i wrote him as a very passionate and protective but kinda immature boy. he is also kind of sheltered by tyun but at the same time he is fiercely defendant of him. it makes sense that he'd want to protect his brother and he's proven right more and more everyday. it's unfair but oc is risking a lot of people's lives by staying so he has a point in that. his defense of jaeyun is less understandable but i think he just sees it as the beginning of the end. to him it starts with jaeyun and ends with taehyun. and ofc because jaeyun is his closest friend so he's going to make excuses for him

#i'm so glad you liked it babe ❤️#mort talks #yamqn #♡anon

2 notes · View notes

alliscribbles · 2 years

Text

This week has been full of so many bad decisions I could write a comedy play. Or maybe it would a tragedy? Same thing to different people, I guess. Anyway, I fucked up. Again.

It's actually a little hard to write now and I apologize to anyone in any future who might find this journal and skim through and get invested only to get here and see this horrible scribbles substituting for words. Guess that's what happens when you have a curse spell on you and touch the thing that your eyes clearly tell you 'it will hurt' to. I just needed to see and be sure. Are you ready for another bloody analogy, journal?

When I put my hand into the light, what happened was.. Slow. Like, I can explain it kind of in detail. Kind of. Firstly, it felt like my arm was in water with how much pressure there was. Like my presence there just turned it to a thick liquid. I guess like blood. Cause that's thicker than water. It stayed like that for a few seconds and then just like with my eyes it.. It moved to avoid my touch. Like the fish analogy, except more literal. It was an experience. I felt awe. Until I didn't..

Because then it attacked me. Like those little biting bugs that love the water. It swarmed my hand, and it attacked. I know we like to give personages to things to make us feel better but journal, it actually attacked me. It started tearing into my skin and it burned and.. I won't go into that much detail because, again, I don't want to think about it. Not now and not later and not ever.

I screamed. Of course I did, the shock was too much and it bubbled out of me. Loud. Loud enough that it stung my ears and through ringing and my own loudness I could hear feet calling themselves to attention. I got my hand out then. The sound of the gang knowing was what did it. I'm glad I did, because I think if I stayed any longer I would have lost my hand.

I did the thing you do when you have years of experience of running and hiding and making sure things you had weren't taken by the bobbies. It's a blur, an instinctual get the bloody hell out blur. I grabbed the journal, my drugs, and a clean sheet to wrap my hand in as best as I could and then I ran.

Which maybe was stupid because the only way to run was straight into the angry and scared eyes of my fellow gang members. They were pissed and I don't blame them. I was pissed too, at myself for doing this. If I wasn't feeling so ill and weak I could take them. But I was sick and my hand was almost taken off by the bite of the sun and I was so hunngryy that I was dizzy. So then there was me and there was three guys wondering what in the bloody fuck happened for me to 'scream like such a little girl' and I smiled and- I used the oldest drug addict excuse in the book. The one that makes you get sad and pitied eyes. I told them it was just a bad trip.

And it worked. Because, as it's well understood here. As I made very clear when I arrived. My drugs are mine. They are mine and I need them and if they are touched, the person who touched it will die. They got it alright, even if I had to put on a show to make sure of it. Just like they got it now. Just as they backed up and remembered the way I made an example of a short stacked beefcake of a man named Timmy the Oogler. Nobody questioned my addictions anymore.

Except one. The youngest one there. The stupidest but the kindest. He stepped a bit forward and puffed out his chest and said 'Man, you seen how pales you are today? Think you're gonna kills youself.'

See now but here's the thing. I handn't. All day since I woke up I never once even looked at myself in any mirrors or payed attention to my hands or arms or legs. I didn't want to. I still don't want to, I didn't want to know what else this angel curse had done to me. Especially not in front of three men who would absolutely kick the shit out of me the second I showed any sign of weakness. So I just smiled and made myself look crazy and said 'I am dying, so let me go and enjoy my last meal before I kick the shit out of you.'

So then here I am. Hiding out in the kitchen. The food smells horrible. It all smells so rotten and gross. Making my skin crawl, but it's safe for a little bit longer. There's no windows. I'm so tired. Maybe a nap now that I got this down. Adrenaline will probably have me forgetting the second I relax. Which is now.

Goodnight.

#first entries #little bit of gore/mutilstion almost #little bit

2 notes · View notes

hiku-thesadcat · 19 days

Text

A cold mist wraps itself around my lips with every breath. Snow glistened upon my skin, although feeling it is something I've forsaken. Contrasting forces control life, such as the blood in the snow; a perfect taijitsu; the warm breath amoung the blistering cold air. In my sunken eyes is a sense of futility, my reign is soon to be lost.

Futility is an emotion I'm not familiar with; it's one I inflict on others. That last desperate stare before their demise, all too familiar, now in my own eyes. Born into this world with a taste for blood, a life I had no control over, yet I did not curse my creator. I loved it.

Another thing I loved is death. Watching as someone takes their last breath, the confusion, desperation, and acceptance; all of it was beautiful. Being born into a world to only die, I was the executioner. The cycle like a dance between the forces, life spinning in a white dress, death dancing elegantly in black, together a perfect harmony.

My name has been lost to time, I care not to remember it. Those humans know who I am, they know. The fear amongst their face when I reveal myself is unparalleled. That immobilization they experience, then I reap what I must. I love it. Now is my last, before me stands the one I thought i knew, the human who worshipped me like no other. I felt nothing towards them, they were a weapon of mine. A weapon with two edges.

Suddenly it's not so cold, a blanket of heat wrapped around me. How long has it been since I've been warm, have I ever? Looking down and my reflection stares back; a reflection from the blade through my chest. How weak this man I see is. That familiar look of death, it's inevitable.

I look up, for the first and last time of my life. In her eyes is a sight I've never seen, especially over someone who just took a life. I see regret in her face, why are their tears? It doesn't matter, everyone is driven by a force commanding them. She simply followed through, at the expense of my life.

I collapse, fall to my back and the blade pushes through, although I can no longer feel, except the warmth. Calmness washed over me, so many new feelings. Has the sky always looked like this? It's beautiful, like a last breath. Striking blue, a stark contrast from my blood. It's so warm. The world gets heavy, my time has come.

My face is cold, I touch it and feel tears stream down. Oh, I didn't know I could do that. It doesn't matter, I was loving the world; I'm glad it's over.

#short story #text post #writing #spilled ink #spilled words #story #emo #betterthenmyotherstuff #villan #paragraph #poem #original post

0 notes

livingsnotforme · 23 days

Text

I think even the people who are fighting for voluntary assisted deaths don't quite get it. Because the idea simply shifts from "it's okay if you want to die to escape this medically quantifiable suffering before your death, especially because your quality of life is lessened now" like there's still so many qualifiers, for all that the religious folks who are against it because of their beliefs may rile against it, it's still a death which fits with lots of morals they probably Do agree with like reducing suffering.

But what about the people who simply don't want to live. Fullstop. Not don't want to live "like this" or in this "reality", not necessarily even because they're suffering. I've experienced such good, wonderful moments and thought "I wish I could just die right now", its nothing to do with coping or a fear of how I may die. I know deep inside of me that if I ever got my life in it's entirety to a really great place, that I would finalise my bucket list, see it out, and then use my resources to end my life. Because I simply don't have any desire to be here. It's not about wanting to Not be here.

It's not even apathy per se, I try to improve others lives, I care about things, too much even sometimes, I care about this life, but I'm also, not meant for it. Deep in my bones, I know I'm not meant to be here, that I should have died years ago and that every moment since is borrowed time that I sometimes treat as so precious and sometimes pour down the drain. And I find my joys and sorrows but I am so unattached to this life, it feels so artificial to me. Of course things getting difficult or being upsetting will make me wish more that I was simply not here, but they fade and I am glad I didn't end it and both of these feelings, don't you see how intertwined they are, that's what people think of when they imagine helping someone through suicidal thoughts and feelings, that there's something imbalanced a person simply needs support through or to escape from the circumstances of.

But that entire experience is separate from this feeling of uncanniness, of simply not belonging to this existence. I've felt included, I've felt loved, and earnestly believed it, and I have often thought there might be nothing sweeter than to die in the tight embrace of a loved one if that would not cause them so much pain. But I give so much of myself to a world that is not meant for me, and I will keep doing it until I can die in a way that's the least upsetting despite it being by my hand, so others don't have to think of me suffering etc. Because I just want to die.

#tw sui ideation #tw sui talk

0 notes