#and people have the ability to care about more than one thing

[01zfan]

film it | l. sh

skateboarder!sohee x videographer!reader | 7k words

ninona lore this took me back to my skateboarding days…don’t know why i didn’t realize the tea with skateboarding sohee earlier.

i listened to tape you by N.E.R.D. while writing this. also the music i imagined for the highlight reel is humps for the boulevard by rodney o and joe cooley!

contains: sex & recording the act (consensual), mentions of skateboarding related injuries (nothing major)

you always heard sohee first.

the sound of the wheels on his skateboard gliding across the ground behind you. you only saw him like a flash of light, there one second gone the next and always followed by his crew of skateboarders. the only time he had spoken to you was the warnings that he was coming behind you and he didn’t plan on slowing down. 

your interaction with sohee was so limited that you thought he was talking to someone else when he first addressed you.

“hey!” he yelled to you.

you looked around the skating park to see who sohee was talking to. you sat on the bench, mouthful of your sandwich when you realized sohee was looking straight at you. when you pointed to yourself sohee nodded, smiling back at his friends before he continued.

“you good with a camera?” he asked, still yelling.

your shitty camcorder sat next to you, resting on top of your recently bought board. you had picked up a hobby last minute for the summer, in no way at all was that connected to the man that spoke to you. you swallowed your bite before nodding your head, instinctually dusting crumbs off of your body.

“yeah.” you yelled back.

sohee looked back to his friends one last time, all of them giving him nods of approval.

“can you film us doing some tricks?” he asked.

you nodded your head with a little too much enthusiasm, and you got up from your spot on the ground a little too quickly. maybe something about the acknowledgment made you feel vindicated, or maybe you liked having something to do. being at the skatepark alone was less fun than you thought it would be, so you leapt at the chance to spend time with people. they didn’t care that you were wobbly on your skateboard, they slowed down as they gave you instructions on where they were going so you could follow them. 

“i’m gonna start on the a-frame and then go to the euro gap.” taesan instructed, pointing at each structure.

“got it.” you chirped.

you started the camera at taesan’s face, going all the way down to his feet planted on the skateboard. before taesan could start, another one of sohee’s friends skated behind you. you turned the camcorder quickly to face him, and he looked shocked for a moment before adjusting to the camera. 

“make sure you get him eating shit too.” leehan said.

you turned the camera back to taesan as the rest of the crew laughed behind you.

“you can’t even nollie flip.” taesan teased.

“fuck you.” leehan laughed.

the rest of the day you spent with sohee and his crew, filming their tricks and them bickering with one another. they even taught you how to be more steady on your board while recording at the same time. 

by the time you guys were done the sun was setting and you all smelled like sweat. you could feel how dirty the clothes you wore were, your shirt felt like a dirty rag that dried in the sun on your body. even if you all smelled and were all still sweating from the heat you ended the day at the top of the ramp huddled together watching the raw footage. they all crowded around the tiny viewfinder, laughing at their failures and exclaiming at the successful attempts at tricks. sohee constantly praised your recording ability, to which you shook your head each time. 

“it’s nothing really.” you pointed at the screen, waiting for a certain part you knew would illicit a reaction. “this is when leehan scraped his knee trying to nollie flip.” you said.

when the videos were finished, sohee’s friends began grabbing their things but sohee lingered close to you. he waited until you looked up from your camcorder to him, and he turned at the same time. you got flustered and sohee smiled at you trying to avoid eye contact, only breaking away when another one of his friends spoke.

“i’m tired as hell. i’m going home.” seunghan said, throwing his backpack over his shoulder.

“me too.” haewon got up from the ramp, using a grip on your shoulder to push herself up.

seunghan made his way down the ramp and the others followed. you found sohee lingering behind once again, waiting for you to grab your things. while his other friends walk ahead, he stayed behind to walk with you. he adjusts the backpack on his shoulder and looks to his friends that talk ahead of you two.

“i mean it though,” sohee turns to face you. “you’re really good at recording us.” he says.

now it’s your turn to adjust your backpack, shaking your head shyly the same way you did before.

“it’s nothing really.” you say awkwardly.

you and sohee walked in silence, the only sound between the two of you was his dragging feet on the cement. you clutched your hand around your camcorder, the feeling of now or never crossed your mind as you spoke.

“i would love to film you guys.” sohee turned to you. “for the summer. maybe even make a little highlight reel maybe.” you offered.

you saw sohee open his mouth, his hand going to the back of his neck before the rest of the crew overheard you. seunghan basically leaped on your shoulders, all of them jumped around you thanking you for taking the time out of your summer to film them. haewon promised she’d teach you how to really skate and leehan said he would master the nollie flip by the end of the summer. the only person that wasn’t enthusiastic was sohee. your eyes stayed on the hand that was scratching at the nape of his neck. 

when the crew dispersed to skate back home, you found out that both you and sohee had to go in the same direction. when you thought you’d hear the familiar warning of him behind you on his skateboard you instead heard the sound of his feet running on the road to catch up to you. 

even with the nice gesture, without sohee’s crew to fill the silence between you both it was awkward. his lack of enthusiasm when you offered to film them for the summer still weighed heavy on your mind, making you feel tense. you two walked in complete silence, you even purposely went on a different path to separate from sohee. he watched you as you started walking diagonally behind him, trying to cut through a residential area.

“i’m going this way.” you said, pointing to a beaten path.

sohee looked down at the skateboard in his hand. he looked forward on the road he was walking on. for a moment underneath the light of the streetlamp he looked like he wanted to say something. the two of you lingered underneath the artificial light, getting ready to walk on your own separate paths.

“i’ll see you tomorrow?” you asked, still standing in the same place.

sohee nodded, putting his skateboard down on the road next to him. he tightened the straps on his backpack as he got on his board.

“yeah. see you tomorrow.” he said.

and with that, sohee started skating down the road to head home. you stayed underneath the light of the streetlamp, trying to think about what you did wrong. the cicadas matched the buzzing in your mind as you ran through every single interaction you had with sohee. when you realized he probably hated the idea of someone basically inviting themselves to join the crew it all made sense. you didn’t even think in the moment how presumptuous you were being, you just let anything fall from your lips to fill the silence. you cringed to yourself, even letting out an audible groan as you realized your social fumble.  

you thought about your fumble for the rest of the night as you watched videos on how to make a successful highlight reel for skating. you even uploaded old files from your camcorder that you had been putting off to make room for new skating videos.

you came to the conclusion the following day that sohee was confusing. despite him not seeming apprehensive of you becoming a temporary member of his crew, he spent an ungodly time around you. during the breaks he would ask what you packed for lunch, while the rest of his crew convened he would find his way next to you asking for your thoughts. each time you shook your head, not feeling it was your place to give input as a temporary member of the group.

sohee lingering only got worse as the summer went on. he picked up the habit of waiting beside you at all times, even when he was up next for a trick. you became sohee’s director, telling him from behind the camera to go stand with the rest of the crew, or to go to the ramp because he was next. each time he was caught off guard, smiling and shaking his head before jogging to his correct spot. he eventually became something like your shadow, always watching the raw footage over your shoulder at the end of each practice. he would always make sure you could hear his reactions, letting out ooh’s and aah’s each time he saw something cool. sohee even began offering to come with you on the dirt path to your home—you believed that was the first time you ever saw sohee give up the chance to ride his skateboard. 

by the end of the summer, when the video was almost finished and your relationship with sohee was even more confusing than before. you knew at the very least that sohee liked your camerawork. he complimented you so much throughout the summer that you had finally gotten use to the praise. you accepted all of his kind words with a smile on your face. but even if sohee gave you compliments, something still felt off. you were friends with other people in the crew, you had worked up a good rapport and a good friendship to the point that you become something more than an omniscient viewer of the life. but you still couldn’t pinpoint what you were to sohee, and as a result you couldn’t determine what he was to you. 

as the final month of summer approached, you had given up completely on trying to figure out sohee. you instead put all of your effort into the video, spending weeks perfecting everything. you don’t know why you worked so hard on it—you took the extra steps to add segments for all the different tricks. you added bloopers at the end, all the failed attempts as something to laugh at. you had a sleepless week for no reason, trying to find the perfect background music and sync it with the transitions. when you were done you even went the extra mile to burn it to a DVD, keeping it safe in your backpack before heading to the park. 

you were extra excited at the skatepark, the nerves of showing the crew your finished video made you antsy. they had stopped asking you when the video would be done a long time ago. they wanted to give you time, but without fail towards the end of practice everyday they would be waiting with bated breath for an update. you had told the crew it’s almost ready a million times and told them just one more week nearly a month ago. when everyone was grabbing their things getting ready to go you held your backpack close to your body, remembering the DVD that sat at the bottom.

“so about that video.” you tried not to laugh when everyone whipped their heads around to look at you. “i finished it.” you said nonchalantly.

despite you trying to remain casual everyone instantly reacted. all of the crew immediately started jumping up and down, circling around you as they waited for you to show them the proof. when you pulled out the DVD they ooh’d and aah’d at the novelty of it all. everyone wanted to see the video, and it didn’t take long before the crew was following you home to watch the highlight reel. 

you corralled everyone into your recently cleaned room, clearing off your chairs to try and accommodate for the extra bodies. you found your seat on the ground at the foot of your bed between leehan and sohee. you tried not to think too much about how close you were to sohee compared to leehan, instead focusing on your growing nerves of showing something you spent so much time on. you leaned forward to pull the DVD from it’s translucent green holder, putting it in your player and closing it. you sat back in your same spot while everyone waited for it to start

the music started playing before the video played. a loud intro, the beat making everyone nod their heads. the beginning of the highlight reel played as an intro for everyone in the crew, earning a small cheer each time someones name popped up. everyone commented on the special effects, and when the actual tricks started everyone only got more excited. you turned to the side during the video, trying to silently gauge everyone’s reaction. you felt relief seeing everyone smile and deeply involved in the video. you felt even more relieved seeing sohee so clearly enjoying it. he had his palms keeping him propped up, his stretched out legs swaying to the beat of the music. when something particularly cool happened he turned and looked at you, and you had to turn quickly to face your small television. 

when the video was over, everyone was silent for a moment. before doubt could even enter your mind, seunghan spoke first.

“that was perfect.” he said.

almost instantly, everyone else started agreeing. everyone wanted to know how you did it, what song you used to play in the background, why you put so much effort into it. when leehan asked for a copy everyone else started agreeing, saying they wanted their own copy too. you felt high in demand, waving your hands to try and get everyone to quiet down.

“i can burn some extra DVD’s.” you looked to your computer and the stack of DVD’s you already had piled up next to your monitor. “it might take awhile, but i can get it to you guys.” you said.

“take all the time you need.” taesan said.

everyone nodded in agreement, not wanting to rush you anymore.

“i could probably burn them tonight. have them ready tomorrow” you said.

“i can stay.” everyone turned to sohee still sitting on the shag rug. “help you burn them. i live right over there anyway.” sohee said.

he projected his voice and gave his reasons to everyone in the room, but he stayed looking at you. when you nodded your head wordlessly, sohee smiled before going back to looking at the television. the rest of the crew exchanged looks, but they didn’t bother to press the conversation any further.

it wasn’t long before everyone was collecting their things and grabbing the trash of the snacks from the convenience store you guys raided. everyone talked about seeing you soon, and thanking you for the video. when you walked everyone out sohee stayed behind to start burning the DVD’s for you.

when you made it back into your room, you saw that your computer was already in the process of burning a DVD. sohee was back in his original spot at the foot of your bed, knees drawn to his chest as he looked up at you. suddenly you wished you had declined his offer to stay and help. you had narrowly avoided being alone with sohee all summer, but now here he was sitting on your shag rug looking up at you. sohee timidly tapped the spot you were sitting earlier, and you tried your best to seem nonchalant as you sat next to him.

the silence stretched on for a long time. for awhile, it was just you and sohee listening to your computer etch the video into the DVD, and the sound of birds chirping outside your window. when you heard the sound of your metal bed frame creaking due to sohee leaning on it, you kept your eyes on him. he rocked side to side, his knees still drawn closely to his chest.

“the video was really cool by the way.” he said.

you started picking at the strands on your orange shag rug, suddenly feeling too embarrassed to look at him. the fact that you could feel him looking down at you didn’t help, it only made you focus on anything in your room but him.

“thank you.” you said, smiling to the ground.

sohee scooted closer to you, until his foot was in your line of sight. you still refused to look at him, the feeling of embarrassment kept your eyes trained on the rug. the two of you are silent, and you can hear sohee shift as he takes in a deep breath.

“can you look at me?”  he asks quietly.

you look up to sohee quickly, not sure why you listened to him over the screaming voice in your head. he looked at you gently, gaze flickering over the features on your face. having him this close to you made you want to recoil away, but you didn’t want to miss a single second of him taking you in. when he scooted closer you didn’t back away, even if you felt a pounding in your chest and skull. 

“you’re really cool.” sohee complimented.

you let your hands rest in your lap, instead picking at your fingers over the shag carpet. your mouth felt to dry to speak, but you nodded and tried swallowing your spit just to wet your mouth.

“you too.” you said back.

sohee leaned into you quickly. it was too fast for you to recognize what was going on, one moment you were thinking about sohee and the next he was so close to you that his breath fanned your face. his lips were soft against yours, and for a moment you two stayed like that, with sohee leaned into you while both of your lips were still. he pulled away before moving his lips against yours, the tiny sound of your separation permeating in your brain.

“is this okay?” he asked.

“i’m so confused.” when sohee tilted his head in confusion you continued. “did you like the video that much?” you asked.

“i was kinda afraid i wasn’t being obvious enough.” sohee laughed.

when he saw the same confused expression on your face his hand went to scratch at the back of his neck. 

“i really like spending time with you.” sohee admitted.

”i thought you didn’t even want me in the group.” you said.

as you remembered sohee’s reaction when you offered to film the crew’s highlight reel, his face completely changed. instantly he was shaking his head, putting his hands on your shoulder to bring your attention to him.

“i didn’t want you to think i was using you because of your camera. i wanted to find a way to spend time with you.” he clarified.

when sohee tells you his reasoning everything makes sense. the way he stuck to you at the skatepark, how he always watched you so carefully when you were trying to skate. you realized the tense atmosphere when he would walk you home was the complete opposite of apprehensiveness. even though everything makes sense, you still feel upset. when your eyebrows furrow you see sohee instantly become apologetic.

“are you mad at me?” sohee looks back to your computer and sohee starts shuffling to stand up. “i should probably go.” he says.

before sohee can fully get up, you grab his arm. he freezes instantly, and when you guide him back to the ground he follows immediately. when he bites his lip nervously you want to tell him you could’ve been kissing all summer underneath the street lamps of your neighborhood if he had just been more upfront with you. you could’ve been sneaking around and pushing him up against the chainlink fence that surrounded the skatepark before everyone else arrived. but words have barely served you up to this point, and your throat is so dry you think your voice would fail you anyway. so instead of trying to express your feelings with words, you use your grip on sohee’s arm to bring him closer to you. 

sohee let his legs straighten until they were flat against your rug. instantly you put your hand on his thigh, using your grip on him to turn your body to kiss him better. sohee responded by moving a hand to your waist, sticking his ring finger in the belt loop of your pants while his other fingers rested on the bare skin of your torso. even from this little contact you already felt overwhelmed. 

when you pulled away from sohee he kept one of his hands on your face. you took him in like this, how his lips were still parted and his eyes were still closed before he realized you weren’t going back in to kiss him. his eyelashes fluttered when he blinked a few times, trying to recover.

“i really like spending time with you too.” you said quickly.

when sohee pulled you in again, he let his lips press a little harder into yours. you felt his hand on your waist move to your leg, and you let sohee move your legs until they were on top of his. he followed your movements, his hand splaying across your jean clad thigh before pulling you in closer by your legs.

when you were close enough, sohee moved his hand from your leg to the small of your back. he pressed gently, until your back arched and you pressed even more into him. you let your tongue go into his mouth first, and he tilted his head and parted his lips a little wider to give you access. 

the sound of kissing and your jeans rubbing against eachother filled the room. you had one of your hands behind you, gripping your shag rug from the tension and for stability. sohee couldn’t take his hands off of you, pulling and kneading your skin while he pressed his tongue against yours. the kisses were beginning to get sloppy, when you pulled away again there was a thin string of spit stretched between the two of you.

sohee licked his lips and broke the string. he looked up from your lips, scanning over your whole face. you did the same, taking in sohee against the backdrop of your room and his hair that was already sticking up in odd places. 

you were lost in the smell of sweat that clung to his baggy clothes and the wind burn that gave him a natural blush while his eyes wandered down, staying stuck on a part of your shag rug.

“i wanna film you.” sohee said, quietly.

you were still coming down from the feeling of sohee against you as you listened to his words. you followed his line of sight to the camcorder that was turned on its side. it was enticing, looking at the camera that was already on and in arms reach. the only thing you would’ve had to do was hold it in your hands and press the record button.

both you and sohee reached for the camera at the same time, and both of you hesitated at the same time too. you went back to looking at sohee, feeling his warm body press against yours. his hand had moved back to your legs, pulling them in close to his stomach. he looked at the camera once more and decided against it, shaking his head as his hands started creeping back up your leg.

you forgot about your camera as sohee pulled his legs from under you. he stood on his knees now, and it was you looking up at him as he came closer to you. you moved to give him space, and he moved his hand to your shoulder to slowly push you down. 

with your back resting on the shag rug there was another pause as sohee looked down at you. his shirt was loose on his body, hanging down and revealing his toned stomach you sneaked so many peaks at over the summer. when he saw you looking he guided your hands to the bottom of his shirt. when you fisted the fabric and started pulling up sohee did the rest, a single hand reaching for the back to pull it over his head. he balled up his shirt and put it underneath your head for comfort, and you mumbled a quiet thanks.

“i wanna touch you so bad.” sohee said.

you felt your own nerves creeping up on you as you felt sohee ghost his hand over your clothed stomach. he hovered above your body, but you swore you could feel the warmth coming from his hand in waves. you nodded your head, and you guided sohee’s hand underneath your shirt.

you could feel his gentle hand press into your stomach instantly. he kneaded the soft skin, holding onto whatever he could touch. you were already squirming underneath him, tiny sighs escaping your lips as you tried to comprehend what was happening.

“can i take your clothes off?” he asked.

the calm was absent from sohee’s voice now, reeling off the feeling of your skin in his hand. when you lifted your hips he took his hands off of you, reaching to the waistband of your tight jeans to pull them down your body. your fingers were barely fast enough to take off the button before sohee started pulling, and when they were loose enough you started pushing them down your legs. one of sohee’s hands lifted the end of your shirt, revealing the bottom of your bra. when sohee saw that the color matched the trim of your underwear he nearly started drooling. he bent his head to place a sloppy kiss on the apex of your thigh, earning a surprised mewl. when he blew cold air on his spit he saw goosebumps raise across your skin. 

from down here, sohee could smell you so clearly. although dried sweat clung to your body and left a salty taste on sohee’s tongue he felt himself needing more. you smelled like the soil and the air and the sun rolled into one, laid out for him like you were something to eat. sohee was getting high off of you, and the way you squirmed underneath gave him tunnel vision. he focused on what was hiding underneath the soft pair of panties that were clad to your body.

“can i eat you out?” he asked bluntly.

you felt all the blood drain from your face when sohee’s words hung in the air. your eyes that focused on the ceiling fan broke away from the spinning blades to see if sohee was as red as you felt. but he was unashamed, staring at you almost like he was pleading. you couldn’t say no to him, nothing in you wanted to say no. but simultaneously saying yes to something so lewd made you shake your head.

“you don’t have—.” you said timidly.

“i want to.” sohee’s hand went to the thin waistband of your panties, breaking past the elastic. you saw sohee’s fingers curve underneath the fabric, and his cold fingernails pressed into your pelvis. “really.” he assured.

you stared at him for a second longer, trying to hold out just incase he changed his mind. when sohee remained unfaltering, you felt enough of an ego boost to nod your head.

“okay.” you whispered.

sohee was slow pulling your panties down. he moved from between your legs to the side, resting on his haunches as he pulled them down your legs. his gaze flickered from your legs to your face, and then your exposed stomach. sohee alternated between all of it while he went back to slot himself between your legs. you spread slightly for him, watching him look at your core. with the back of your hand pressed to your forehead you felt hotter than ever. when sohee placed a kiss on your inner thigh you twitched.

sohee motioned for your hand the gripped the shag rug, instead guiding it to his brown hair. he encouraged you to tighten your grip, and when you did he nodded approvingly.

“so i know when i’m doing a good job.” he said quickly.

before you could say anything else, sohee placed a chaste kiss right on your spread cunt. you already felt yourself tugging at his hair, lips parted as you started inching your body towards his mouth. sohee smiled into the next chaste kiss, then he let his lips slightly part. before you knew it he was placing open mouthed sloppy kisses on your heat, and you were grinding your hips onto his mouth.

when sohee pushed his finger into your clenching hole, your back arched off the rug. sohee pressed his hand into your lower stomach to keep you still, and you began lifting your head to see him clearly. he was focused on your cunt, kissing and licking the most sensitive parts of you. when he felt your eyes he locked in on you, moving his hasty lips to suck on your clit. 

you thought about immortalizing the image of sohee’s plush lips wrapped around your bundle of nerves and the sound of him moaning into your folds for eternity. his eyes looking up at you for approval could be kept on your hard drive forever, reserved for your eyes only. you moved your body to the side to reach for the camcorder and sohee unknowingly pressed his hand deeper into your stomach to keep you in place. you curled around his hand as he applied pressure to the tension building deep in your stomach. he kept his eyes focused on your clit for a second longer, replacing his mouth with his free hand as he caught his breath. 

“sohee.” you got his attention back, and his eyes followed your hand that was reaching for the camcorder. “can i record you, sohee?” you asked timidly.

he looked up to you again, this time making eye contact with the camcorder you now held your shaking hand. he felt you clench around his fingers as your eyes stayed focus on the folded playback screen. sohee could see the dim glow of the video on your face as you brought the camera closer, trying to fit as much as you could in the frame.

“of course.” sohee said, placing a kiss to your inner thigh.

you let out a shaky breath and sohee saw the red light flicker on to point at him. sohee put his hand on your ankle, guiding one of your legs until your thigh was over his shoulder. you moved behind the camera, your quiet gasps caught on film as sohee pulled your heat closer to his lips. his eyes found the lens, his smile caught on the viewfinder. you watched the tiny screen with bated breath, only looking up when sohee did it first. he held your eye contact above the camera, a smile on his face as he leaned onto his side. with his free hand he plunged two fingers into your heat without hesitation. his lips parted as he watched you tilt your head back. tiny whimpers slipped past your lips as sohee continued pumping his fingers in and out of you, twisting his wrist to give you more stimulation. he looked down at the camera that was already pointing away from the action due to you being distracted. sohee stopped pumping his fingers, his eyes were focused on your heaving chest as you tried to regain your composure. when you lifted your head from the rug sohee gave you his most innocent smile, nodding towards the camera resting on your stomach.

“just keep filming me, yeah?” sohee said encouragingly.

“okay.” you shaky hand pointed the camera back to his face. “i got you.” you said out of breath.

sohee continued where he left off, adding three fingers and flicking his tongue on your clit. he looked up to the shaking camera occasionally, but his eyes were mainly focused on your back arching off the rug and you biting your lip to stifle your sounds. he took it as a challenge, trying everything he could to hear you make noise for him. he imagined hearing your whimpers and moans behind the camera when he would watch the playback. the mental image pushed sohee to pump his fingers in and out of you faster, until you brought your other leg to rest on his shoulder.

“sohee.” you whimpered behind the camera. “i’m so close.”

he nodded against your clit, pulling away to let a glob of his spit and your slick slide down your folds. sohee heard you moan at that sensation, loud and desperate as it acted as a lubricant for his pumping fingers. sohee could see your tight grip on the camcorder as your unfiltered sounds filled the room.

“let me hear you.” sohee said quickly before going back to your clit.

you registered sohee’s request late as the feeling washed over you. you were barely in your right mind to hold the camera straight as your legs closed in around sohee’s head. you were pathetic in every sense of the word. the loud moans that bounced off the walls of your room, the way you rode sohee’s tongue, the way you shook your head from the overstimulation. you were a mess and sohee watched it all, and soon you would be able to as well.

when you were done, your still recording camcorder rested on your chest as you desperately tried catching your breath. you saw sohee raise from between your legs, wiping his face with the back of his hand before crawling up your body. he brought you in for another kiss, slipping his tongue into your mouth instantly. you moaned at the taste of yourself and sohee broke away quickly to let you try and catch your breath.

“i need you. so bad.” you murmured.

you held up the camcorder, shaking as you watched sohee stand up to take off his pants and underwear. he looked around your room, his erect dick bobbing mid-air. you looked past your camera to stare at his body.

“do you have condoms?” sohee asked.

you nodded, making the camera move as a result. sohee followed your pointed finger offscreen to the top drawer of your dresser.

“it’s at the—“

sohee found it quickly, holding the foil packet like it was a piece of treasure. he fumbled with the perforated tear as he went back to kneeling beside you, nearly ripping the package in half. before he could lay down you pointed to your bed. 

“can you grab me a pillow for my back?” you asked.

sohee nodded, immediately grabbing the exact pillow you had in mind. 

he dropped to his knees in front of you, crawling with the pillow and condom in his hand. when he was close enough he helped you lift your hips and slid the pillow underneath, looking to you for approval. when you nodded and pointed the camera to his torso. you, sohee, and the camera all watched him grab his hard dick in his hand as he slid the condom on. he rested on his legs and pinched the end of the latex, making sure it was on securely.

when he was done sohee motioned for the camera, and you lifted your weak hand from your stomach to give him the camcorder. he pulled your hand from the strap gently and put his hand in the same place to hold it securely.

for a moment sohee turned the camera around to check for the red dot and you could see him in the viewfinder. something about him looked so perfect to you, almost like he was made to be shot on shitty technology from the 90’s. you saw his large eyes blink for a moment before he turned the camera back to face you, and you could hear the sounds of him messing with the zoom as he tried to find his own angle. he constantly looked up from the tiny screen on the camcorder to look at you, trying to make sure he was getting the perfect framing.

“you look so pretty on camera baby.” sohee said.

his inexperience being behind the camera was obvious as he continued messing with the settings, and your inexperience with being in front of the camera was obvious too. you instinctually let your knees close in on eachother, suddenly nervous to show what you had exposed moments ago.

sohee instantly notices, lowering the camera from his face to slot himself between your legs. he gently separates them with a comforting hand, rubbing your knee tenderly. 

“so pretty.” sohee holds the camera back up, tracing the line of your legs up to your face that felt like it was on fire. “just for us right?” he asked.

“just for us.” you said, nodding your head.

sohee pointed the camera down at your cunt, his free hand running down your inner thigh then back to your knee. you were wiggling your hips closer to him in anticipation, eyes locked on his twitching dick. sohee pointed the camera to you and you let him catch your hungry gaze. he smirked and moved his hand to his dick, letting the camera film him slapping your puffy folds. you jolted from the sensation and tiny gasps slipped past your lips. you could see his smile behind the camera as he kept going.

sohee shuffled forward on his knees until his hips were close to yours. when he lined himself up at your entrance he looked down at you. sohee reached his hand that wasn’t holding the camera out to you, and you grabbed it without hesitation. when he pushed into you, both of your hands were squeezing at the others desperately as the sensation overtook you both. sohee could barely focus on holding the camera as he slid inside of you, and you squeezed your eyes shut as you felt yourself clamp around him repeatedly.

“holy fuck.” sohee pulled out and watched himself in the playback when he pushed himself back in. “you feel so good.” he groaned.

sohee’s gaze flickered between the camera and your body as he began working his hips. he was slow and deliberate with each thrust, making sure you felt all of him. you started moaning pitifully, feeling that familiar warmth slowly spread across your body. you started swiveling your hips, trying to get more stimulation.

“want me to touch you?” sohee asked behind the camera.

you shook your head no, pressing your body against the ground. when you looked up you saw that sohee had lowered the camera slightly so you could see his whole face.

“i wanna keep holding your hand.” you whimpered.

sohee nodded his head knowingly, seeing that you two were now in a predicament. he wanted to see you finish, but at the same time he only had two hands. he didn’t want to stop filming and he didn’t want to let go of your soft hand that was holding his so tight. his eyes drifted to your free hand that still gripped your shag rug and as if a lightbulb went off above his head, he knew what to do.

“can you—” his train of thought was cut off when you clamped around him again. “touch yourself for me?” he asked.

instantly you nodded, you hand going to your clit to rub gentle circles. sohee saw your body react quickly as you arched from the ground and bit your lip a little harder. sohee was so immersed in his view that he forgot about the camera catching all of it on tape. sohee memorized the way you touched yourself to do it to you later. he watched the muscles in your stomach jump and your body occasionally twitch. his lips were parting solely from seeing you get closer and closer. when your grip on his hand tightened sohee hissed, driving his hips deeper to try and give you what you needed. he saw your half lidded eyes open a little wider as your fingers worked faster.

“sohee.” you pulled him closer by his hand, squeezing so tight that sohee’s grip loosened. “i’m cumming” you whimpered.

“go ahead.” sohee grunted.

your fingers that worked your clit started faltering and doing incomplete circles as the rest of your body became tense. sohee stared at you in awe, suddenly remembering that he would have video proof of something so beautiful forever. he took this time to watch you with his own two eyes and to feel you everywhere. when he swiped his tongue across his lip he still tasted you, as sweet as the view before him. he instinctually babbled praises to you, things he had kept to himself all summer or hid under the blanket statement “you’re really good at filming”. 

when your body fully relaxed, and your walls started feeling like a heartbeat around his dick, sohee felt himself becoming desperate. he started picking up the pace but failing to hit the spot he needed due to his preoccupied hands. you must’ve noticed, because you weakly lifted your head to look down.

“go faster sohee.” you pushed your hips to meet his uneven thrusts for emphasis. “please.” you begged.

sohee nodded his head and then moved his hand holding the camera to separate your knees further. you could see him trying to figure out the angle, if it would be possible to give you what you needed while also holding the camera. you felt sohee look at you as he took his hand from the strap that held your camera securely in his hand.

“here.” he motioned for you to grab the camcorder. “hold the camera for me baby.” he said.

sohee put the camera back in your hand, and you propped yourself on your elbows to try and see it all. his speed didn’t falter, and his quiet moans rung throughout your room as he fucked you through his orgasm. you felt yourself feeling the aftershocks of your own peak, becoming so sensitive that your body shook each time you clamped around sohee’s dick. he came forward, head pressed into your collarbone as he kissed your clammy skin. his free hand went to the underside of your thigh and gripped you harshly, and his controlled moans turned into whimpers as he continued rutting inside of you. your view from the camera was obstructed by sohee’s body, but you still brought your lips to sohee’s ear and let your breath fan the shell.

“we look so good together.” you whispered.

after you said that, sohee stilled inside of you. his moan vibrated against your skin and his grip on your hand became vice-like. you flicked your hips upwards a few times until sohee pressed his teeth into your skin.

you let your camcorder rest on your shag rug beside your two bodies as you brought your hand to press into the back of sohee’s head, making him kiss your skin with a new vigor. you two were equally ruined, out of breath as you both tried to keep the stimulation going. 

sohee’s lips travelled from your collarbone to your neck, then your jaw and ending at your cheek. you brought him back down to the ground with you, chests so close they touched each time you breathed. he settled on top of you, kissing your lips one final time before pulling out. he sighed and you turned to see sohee’s shaking hand stop the recording. he rolled next to you on the ground, letting the camcorder rest on his chest.

the two of you stared at your ceiling fan, laying side by side. you reached your hand out to sohee and he grabbed it silently. he squeezed your hand as he took a deep breath in.

“you’re joining the crew now, right?” sohee asked, still looking at the fan.

“if that’s okay with you.” you said.

“more than okay with me.” sohee says instantly.

you hum, feeling like a thank you doesn’t quite fit the situation. your mind is on other things as you see the camera resting on sohee’s chest in your peripheral vision. 

“hey sohee?”

you turn to face him, and sohee turns his head from your ceiling to make eye contact with you.

“do you wanna watch it?”

#01zfan: sohee #riize smut #sohee smut

[hxnbi]

⸻ ɞ how they would show their love ﹒﹒wind breaker boys

꒷꒦ pairings: haruka sakura, hajime umemiya, hayato suo, jo togame, toma hiragi, choji tomiyama, ren kaji, kyotaro sugishita x gn. reader (separate)

did i wound up going overboard with all the characters i like and proceed to write over 2k words? yes. am i going to stop? never

HARUKA SAKURA | 桜 遥 ─ ♬﹒♡

Attempting to flirt with a guy like SAKURA HARUKA, or even show any kind of affection, is already beyond hopeless, for the second you approach him with the intention of initiating affection, regardless of what it is, his entire face goes crimson. The guy's flushed face is redder than a traffic light, you like to say, only to then get a mouthful from Sakura that he isn't blushing, and it's just that the weather feels hot. It’s not him. So stop looking at him like that!

Yeah, right. Hot in the middle of the damn winter.

Haruka loves and shows affection through his actions, most of them somewhat unintentional and subconscious. He might brush a stray hair from your face while you're eating together, make sure you're walking on the inside of the sidewalk, or quietly leave your favourite snacks where you can find them—only to then flush into a deep crimson when you bring up his romantic gestures. Because to him, he really doesn't think before he acts, and yet does so tenderly when with you and you only.

It's these small gestures that speak volumes about his feelings for you. And God help anyone who makes fun of you or dares to comment on a singular "bad" thing about you. Whoever makes fun of you or even dares to comment on what he deems as poorly about you and your delightful character is in for a world of hurt. Sakura's protective side surfaces, and he will immediately start burning up like a wildfire you can't put out, ready to defend your honour at a moment's notice, even if that means firing back against his own gang members and friends.

HAJIME UMEMIYA | 梅宮 一  ─ ♬﹒♡

The physical manifestation of a lovebug. Hugs, kisses, cuddles, and more—you name it. Did I mention that he loves, loves, loves physical affection? UMEMIYA HAJIME is all over you, to the point where you can hardly move whenever his arms encircle you, just like a little cuddly bear. It certainly gets more than a little awkward when the other Furin members are around, watching your and their leader's affectionate moments and PDA happen in real-time, but Umemiya doesn't care. If anything, he’s all for it! That just means that others will for sure know that you’re taken and you're his.

His love is open, unrestrained, unabashed, and utterly shameless, a stark contrast to his model demeanour as the leader of Furin. How this guy can act like this and also beat people half to death is beyond comprehension in their eyes. And as the leader of Furin, he's also like your protector. You would never need a bodyguard when you have your boyfriend by your side at all times of the day, one way or another. He's there from dawn to dusk, from sunrise to sunset. His presence may be both comforting and overbearing at times, yet you wouldn't trade his ceaseless companionship for the world, knowing he'll always be there, and likewise, you'll always be there for him. 

HAYATO SUO | 蘇枋 隼飛  ─ ♬﹒♡

SUO HAYOTO is calm and calculating, his sharp mind is always a step ahead of others, but most importantly, he's loyal to a fault. His ability to anticipate your needs and understand your emotions without you saying a word is both a blessing and a curse. Suo is intelligent but arguably one of the most mysterious guys in Furin. A complete "stick in the mud," Sakura would say with a peeved expression of distaste. He can read you like a book, which can be irritating at times—the way that he purposely acts like a know-it-all, all with the intention of pissing you off that day—all the while keeping his own thoughts private. While you appreciate his attentiveness, his tendency to withhold his own feelings can be frustrating, especially during the times when you need his emotional support the most. 

Despite this, Suo's actions speak volumes about his devotion. There was more in his mind than you originally thought of him. Suo might not verbalize his true feelings often, often masking them from under his aloof facade and honeyed words, but his loyalty ultimately shines through in the little things he does for you. Because when it matters most, Suo is there, all behind that expression of his. His faint, knowing smile and just the air that surrounds him only deepen your curiosity about what was behind that eyepatch of his. But only you could see the vulnerability hidden beneath his composed exterior, his silence often hiding a depth of emotions that not even words could ever fully express.

JO TOGAME | 十亀 条 ─ ♬﹒♡

If Umemiya is considered protective over you, TOGAME JO is even more so fiercely vigilant in his watch over you. At first glance, he appears stern and unapproachable—it certainly was to you—with his glasses covering the hearts in his eyes.  However, once you get to know him, you discover a sensitive, caring guy who wears his heart on his sleeve. And that is precisely who Togame was.

His affections are subtle but deeply felt. He remembers the most minor details about you that many would either forget or deem as not important, but not to Togame. From your favourite book to the way you like your tea, he's always there to lend a hand or offer a quiet word of encouragement when you need it most, and his protective nature means he's always looking out for potential threats, ensuring your safety without ever making a fuss about it. All your pretty little head needs to worry about is feeling cherished and loved.

TOMA HIRAGI | 柊登馬  ─ ♬﹒♡

If there's even a slight chance that someone or something even laid hands on you with the intention of hurting you, HIRAGI TOMA would never in his life let that happen, even if it meant using his own body as your shield. He knows that being in a gang attracts a lot of enemies, and through that, increases the possibility of putting you in danger. Because of that, Hiragi is always on high alert. And if he’s not around, he’ll either ask Sugishita, Umemiya or “Othello-kun” to help out and ensure your safety. Why they even bother to accept his request is beyond me, but his concern for you was always evident, and they knew that. Hiragi puts your safety above all. You hate that he puts himself at risk, but you can't deny the comfort his presence brings.

Hiragi’s anxiety manifests as hyper-vigilance, which can sometimes backfire when you become hyper-sensitive and worry about his health. Your love for each other goes deep, as, despite his protectiveness, there are times when Hiragi needs your comfort, too. He's practically a bundle of nerves all, for better or not worse, wound into a singular individual, partly due to Umemiya's constant nonchalance, which only heightens his anxiety. You often find yourself being the one to soothe him, reminding him to breathe and take it one step at a time. His commitment to your safety and peaceful life away from all the chaos he is entrenched in is firm as a rock, even if it means pushing his own limits to ensure that happens.

CHOJI TOMIYAMA | 兎耳山 丁子  ─ ♬﹒♡

His constant mood swings are something that you were well aware of when you started seeing the boy, for sure, but TOMIYAMA CHOJI's love for you is undeniable. No one could ever doubt that. Not even Togame, who witnessed firsthand how devoted Choji was whenever in your presence. It was refreshing, in a way, to see Choji like that. To be truly carefree and unburdened and not compelled by the turmoil in his own mind. He wasn't driven to seek solace in conflicts and fights to find joy and his longing for “happiness.” For whenever he found himself in your company, happiness was not just a possibility but an inevitability.

He's always ensuring, whether you like it or not, that you are aware of his feelings and affection for you, even if it means drilling the same ramblings into your ears for hours on end. Despite his erratic moods, he's a sweet presence to have around. His ramblings often turn into heartfelt confessions and declarations of love, making you smile even on your worst days. Moreover, Choji has a knack for lightening the mood, and his energetic personality is a welcome contrast to the more serious members of your inner circle.

Did I already say that he's energetic? Well, Choji is a ball of exuberance, and he doesn't take no for an answer when it comes to making you feel loved. He's like a burst of sunshine, brightening your day with the infectious enthusiasm that can make anyone smile. No matter how anarchic his emotions get, his love for you, regardless of circumstance, will never change. 

REN KAJI | 梶蓮  ─ ♬﹒♡

KAJI REN is the kind of guy who silently stays by your side. It's a comfortable silence that you've grown to love and appreciate, with his quiet presence being a constant source of comfort. He's not one for grand gestures or flowery words of affection, and you're well aware of that, but his advice and insights are invaluable. Whenever you face a problem in your life, Kaji is there, offering a solution with a calm, measured approach, even if he does throw in a couple of swear words and cusses here and there when at times losing his cool. It's the thought that counts.

His silence is not a sign of indifference but of his thoughtful nature. He listens far more than he speaks, and his actions reflect his deep care for you far more than anybody else by a landslide. Even the man-child that is Umemiya notices. Though he may not be as outwardly affectionate as others, his loyalty and his presence alone at your side speak volumes about his love for you, nothing more. Kaji's quiet strength is a pillar you can always lean on, his love expressed through every considerate action, whether big or small. 

KYOTARO SUGISHITA | 杉下京太郎  �� ♬﹒♡

Another one who cannot physically use words to communicate for the life of him. Everyone has seen SUGISHITA KYOTARO's loyalty to Umemiya, but how exactly would that loyalty manifest if it were directed towards you, his significant other, arguably the most important person in his life? He's fiercely protective, and that's putting it lightly. Whoever dares to harm you or speaks to you deplorably, there will be hell to pay. Quite literally.

Sugishita the definition of "actions speak louder than words." He's not a romantic, he's not a flirt, but what he is—more than what everybody else is—dependable to a fault. Any kind of affection will have this boy's brain reloading and scrambling. Sugishita is more similar to Sakura than most people may assume, something that Sakura will never admit to, not even on his deathbed. And the one time he did, using the nickname "baby" all the while saying all that with the unintentional expression of a homicidal maniac had not only Umemiya (the idiot who gave him the "advice" to try being romantic for once) bawling his eyes out in laughter but also made your face flush red in embarrassment, unable to utter a word.

...Was this really your boyfriend? 

His gestures, though subtle, are filled with meaning. Whether it's fixing something for you, helping to carry the heavier stuff for you, ensuring you have everything you need, or simply being there when you need him, Sugishita's actions are his way of showing he cares. Not even Umemiya could look and claim that he treated others, including himself, the same way he treated you. Sugishita’s not one for grand displays of affection—if he's even able to comprehend how to present that without having an expression that he's about to snap at any time—but his reliability and steadfastness are a comfort that Furin as a whole, and you, his one and only lover, appreciates greatly.

In a world of so much uncertainty, especially in such a gang-centric environment, Sugishita's consistent presence is a reassuring and refreshing constant. He's your silent guardian, always watching, always protecting his love—what was to you, an unspoken promise, but to him, a forever vow.

©hxnbi. please do not modify, edit, copy or reproduce any of my works.

#wind breaker #windbreaker #wind breaker x reader #windbreaker x reader #wind breaker (satoru nii) #satoru nii #wind breaker x y/n #gn reader #wind breaker headcanons #wind breaker fluff #windbreaker fluff #windbreaker drabbles #wind breaker drabbles #hajime umemiya #jo togame x reader #hayato suo x reader #ren kaji x reader #kyotaro sugishita #toma hiragi #choji tomiyama #sakura haruka #hajime umemiya x reader #haruka sakura x reader #choji tomiyama x reader #kyotaro sugishita x reader #toma hiragi x reader

[dailyanarchistposts]

A concept is a brick. It can be used to build a courthouse of reason. Or it can be thrown through the window.

—Brian Massumi[8]

Personally, I want to be nurturing life when I go down in struggle. I want nurturing life to BE my struggle.

—Zainab Amadahy[9]

Resistance and joy are everywhere

Anyone who has been transformed through a struggle can attest to its power to open up more capacities for resistance, creativity, action, and vision. This sense of collective power—the sense that things are different, that we are different, that a more capable “we” is forming that didn’t exist before—is what we mean by joyful transformation. Joyful transformation entails a new conception of militancy, which is already emerging in many movements today. To be militant about joy means being attuned to situations or relationships, and learning how to participate in and support the transformation, rather than directing or controlling it.

Everywhere, people are recovering, sustaining, and reinventing worlds that are more intense and alive than the form of life offered up by Empire. The web of control that exploits and administers life—ranging from the most brutal forms of domination to the subtlest inculcation of anxiety and isolation—is what we call Empire. It includes the interlocking systems of settler colonialism, white supremacy, the state, capitalism, ableism, ageism, and heteropatriarchy. Using one word to encapsulate all of this is risky because it can end up turning Empire into a static thing, when in fact it is a complex set of processes. These processes separate people from their power, their creativity, and their ability to connect with each other and their worlds.

We say worlds, in the plural, because part of Empire’s power is to bring us all into the same world, with one morality, one history, and one direction, and to convert differences into hierarchical, violent divisions. As other worlds emerge through resistance and transformation, they reveal more of the violence of Empire. Insurrections and revolts on the street reveal that the police are an armed gang and that “keeping the peace” is war by other means. Pushing back against sexualized violence reveals the ways that rape culture continues to structure daily life. Indigenous resurgence reveals the persistent concreteness of settler colonial occupation and the charade of apologizing for genocide and dispossession as if they were only part of the past. Holding assemblies where people can formulate problems together, make decisions collectively, and care for one another reveals the profound alienation and individualism of life under Empire. Trying to raise kids (or even share space with them) without controlling them reveals the ways that ageism and schooling stifle young people and segregate generations. Struggles against anti-Black racism and white supremacy reveal the continuities between slavery, apartheid, and mass incarceration, in which slave catchers have evolved into police and plantations have shaped prisons. The movements of migrants reveal the interconnected violence of borders, imperialism, and citizenship. And the constant resistance to capitalism, even when fleeting, reveals the subordination, humiliation, and exploitation required by capital. As these struggles connect and resonate, Empire’s precarity is being revealed everywhere, even if it continues to be pervasive and devastating.

There is no doubt that we live in a world of intertwined horrors. Borders tighten around bodies as capital flows ever more freely; corporations suck lakes dry to sell bottled water; debt proliferates as a tool of control and dispossession; governments and corporations attack Indigenous lands and bodies while announcing state-controlled recognition and reconciliation initiatives; surveillance is increasingly ubiquitous; addiction, depression and anxiety proliferate along with new drugs to keep bodies working; gentrification tears apart neighborhoods to make way for glassy condos; people remain tethered to jobs they hate; the whole world is becoming toxic; bombs are dropped by drones controlled by soldiers at a distant computer console; a coded discourse of criminality constructs Black bodies as threats, targeting them with murder and imprisonment; climatic and ecological catastrophes intensify as world leaders debate emissions targets; more of us depend on food and gadgets made half a world away under brutal conditions; we are encouraged to spend more time touching our screens than the people we love; it is easier for many of us to envision the end of the world than the end of capitalism.[10]

We suspect that anyone reading this already knows and feels this horror in one way or another. When we say that struggles reveal the violence of Empire, it’s not that everyone was unaware of it before. However, upwellings of resistance and insurrection make this knowing palpable in ways that compel responses. In this sense, it is not that people first figure out how oppression works, then are able to organize or resist. Rather it is resistance, struggle, and lived transformation that make it possible to feel collective power and carve out new paths.

#joy #anarchism #joyful militancy #resistance #community building #practical anarchy #practical anarchism #anarchist society #practical #revolution #daily posts #communism #anti capitalist #anti capitalism #late stage capitalism #organization #grassroots #grass roots #anarchists #libraries #leftism #social issues #economy #economics #climate change #climate crisis #climate #ecology #anarchy works #environmentalism

[chaoticstarlightwonderland]

Danganronpa Characters as the Dungeon Meshi races

Makoto - Half-foot/human hybrid because he is forever short and baby-faced. It's been confirmed in side material that tall-man are able to produce children with halflings and gnomes and the offspring can reproduce (unlike half-elves) so I think it makes sense to have Makoto connected to the most underestimated races. In an adventuring party, he does a lot of the halfling jobs like looking for and dismantling traps. I also think because of his caring nature and how accident-prone he is Makoto learned some healing spells from his party's mage. He has low mana thought (2/5) so it's really in case of emergencies or as a simple first aid until real help can come.

Nagito - A half-elf. I think it would suit his brand of luck; born with a natural lifespan of 1000 years but has to watch anyone and everyone he loves pass away. Because he still has his luck cycles, everyone is sure is some kind of curse but no mage can do anything about it, let alone even understand it. He probably would go through a lot, losing his parents, being discriminated against, being sold off into illegal slavery, and probably a bunch of health problems. But Nagito is still Nagito, he just keeps kicking away.

Hajime - A normal tall-man who was frustrated with the fact that he was never particularly special in anything. I think when he found out he had even a hint of magic he begged his parents to send him to a magic boarding school they could barely afford, only to find out first-hand how lacklustre his magic was compared to the kids. Hajime pushed himself to continue studying, which lead him down a path of dungeon hunting, and of demons. He made a deal which backfired on him, turning into a Lord of the Dungeon and slowly becoming "Izuru Kamukura-ised". If/when he gets out of the demon's thrall, his case is a lot like Mithrun's. Although he does have more skills outside of wanting to hunt demons, that was because of the initial deal he made. Hajime lost the ability to enjoy his talents or get satisfaction from being skilled. He is more talented than ever but he is incapable of enjoying it.

Junko and Mukuro - Demons. Junko is a demon that helps people achieve their hopes and desires and feeds on their happiness. This makes people think she is the nicer sister but that just means she enjoys giving people what they want and watching their despair as they lose the capacity to enjoy it. Mukuro is described as a 'war demon' because she grants humans their wishes with violence and feeds off their rage and the resulting bloodbath. However, over time she actually grew to love the humans (at least more than Junko) because it was so shocking to see the kindness that mortal beings can show each other, especially when she has seen first-hand the cruelty they are capable of.

Now for the shorter ideas that I still think are interesting:

Fuyuhiko - A half-foot that is the heir to a shockingly powerful crime/loan shark family. His family flew under the radar for a long while because the Elves and Gnomes kept underestimating them until they become so powerful they couldn't be handled.

Peko - A tall-man who was abandoned by her parents when she was young and was brought by Fuyuhiko's family to be his servant and bodyguard.

Chihiro - A Gnome mage who is very talented in communicating with spirits. He has one such spirit that he has raised all by himself that is this reality's 'Alter Ego'.

A minor thing, in a side comic it was said that the races consider music to be the thing that Tallmen are known for, so I think all the characters who have interest in music are Tallmen. That includes Kaede, Sayaka, Ibuki, Hiyoko, and Leon.

I'd love to hear people's thoughts and suggestions!!

#danganronpa #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #makoto naegi #hajime hinata #nagito komaeda #fuyuhiko kuzuryu #fuyuhiko kuzuyruu #peko pekoyama #junko enoshima #junko #izuru kamukura #mukuro ikusaba #chihiro fujisaki #danganronpa au #dunmeshi #my post #crossover

[carpathianskies]

[A full description of Zephyr and other aspects of Carpathian Skies can be found on the wiki here!]

Zephyr is a strong believer that life is sweetest when it’s shared with others. Supportive and outgoing, when he's in a crowded room, he's the one fluttering around making sure that everyone is having a good time. Loyal to a fault, he tends to build lasting relationships with nearly everyone he speaks to, and can be counted on to show up whenever a hand or ear is needed. Knowing that there are folks out there who rely on him gives Zephyr's life a purpose. This isn't always a good thing as his deep desire to protect the ones he loves often leaves Zephyr acting as a shield rather than a blade.

He's calm, cool, and collected under pressure. Instead of letting little things get him down, Zephyr approaches every interaction with a carefree attitude and a smile on his face, only resorting to violence when those he cares about are threatened. Zephyr believes that unexpected moments are what lead to life's biggest surprises, and he welcomes them with open arms. His warm, positivity radiating presence quickly disarms those that come into contact with him. He's able to crack through even the toughest of people's exteriors just with a smile and a few well-placed winks, if all else fails he's more than happy to buy the next round at the bar.

Out of The Carpathia, he's usually the person who plans activities, notes everyone’s birthday, and keeps everyone feeling like they’re a value to the group that he knows they are. Zephyr is easily the connecting link that holds everyone else together. He gets stressed when he feels like events outside his control are moving or changing too quickly. He also dislikes too much alone time and tends to gravitate to the parts of The Carpathia that see the most traffic.

Zephyr is one of the first crew members of The Carpathia to wake every morning, and he spends that quiet time doing dance-like stretches that ensure that all of his muscles are working to the best of their abilities in between cups of coffee. In these quiet moments, where he believes that no one else can see, he lets the mask of his happy-go-lucky exterior fall, a more melancholic expression taking over that he'll quickly brush away before returning to the task at hand.

#carpathian skies #visual novel #indiedev #otome #dating sim #vn wip #zephyr sirocco

[muffediller]

Jeeeezzzzzz

I truly dont know who i am + i am sick of whatever it is. Not sure of my sexuality anymore on account of sleeping with a guy and my gender seems to be on the move following that and. I just really need something stable right now. Anything. I'm also quite anxious lately but I got an appointment with a psychologist tomorrow and probably going forward. I don't know how much I can say about gender identity or anything even though like the rise in general transphobia and discussions of it is probably part of the reason I'm so anxious.

Who made everything work like this. It's so hard. I want to forget who I am. I think it would help me. Clean slate.

#something like issues disorder alright #dont worry though i will never become cis nor het #i might be a little depressed not sure #im really lonely #i miss some sort of close companionship but fear getting that close to someone #line theyve probably got better things to do right? #not right but it feels like that #and people have the ability to care about more than one thing

[andthebeanstalk]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

Better accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues should suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things!

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to take to cut your awkward self some slack for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

#social skills #i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag #original #maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title #in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You' #or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am #challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong. #and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment #for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the #most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than #most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny #(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility. #and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by #being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating #i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate #I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity. #when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to #really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would #go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people #it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party' #it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them #stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!' #I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in #order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially #autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules #and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules #but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!! #i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird?? #I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind. #also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too

[kariachi]

Sorry-not-sorry I'm back on my normal 'Kevin and Argit were so small' bullshittery.

Because they fucking were. Kevin was twelve when Servantis tossed everybody, and Argit couldn't have been far off. They were middle school aged. 'Puberty would be starting about now if we weren't wandering the Null Void and therefor likely not eating near enough' aged.

A pair of children, with minimal education, no paperwork, no homes, no guardians. Wandering the Null Void and then the Milky Way, on their own. One a prime target for the slave trade, both prime targets for adults looking to take advantage of them (*coughcoughOttocoughcough*). With only as much security as they could provide themselves and each other. Only able to rely on themselves for the basic necessities of life.

And then this show has the audacity to try to tell me that they turned to crime due to poor morality. That they're money focused because they're just naturally greedy. That they don't trust people and look out for themselves because they're bad people that either will always be bad people or will only improve because of the power of Tennysons.

What options were there for them? What jobs are there in the Null Void? What jobs are there in the galaxy that'll hire barely-teens, if even that, with no paperwork or educations, that wouldn't ruin them as badly and pay worse than the crime they already had experience with? Will keep them fed and clothed and sheltered? When one of them already has a criminal record, for violent crimes at that? When there's nobody there to stop even the 'good' adults from taking advantage of them?

The show will sit there and tell you that Kevin's violent crimes were the result of a rough childhood, but he and Argit's non-violent ones? Totally on them, no excuse, wholly a matter of greed and not giving a shit about other people. Fucking bullshit. This is a pair of kids who had to grow up way too fast, up against an existence that saw at least one of them as easy profit, with nothing but themselves and each other, and no opportunities. They're a pair of traumatized kids who grabbed the opportunities available to them with both hands and were molded by the problems they faced.

Of course they're money-focused, unlike the Tennysons they don't and haven't had anybody making sure they had enough to get by. They've had to support themselves and live with the constant worry that something is going to go pear-shaped and they'll have nothing.

They spent years with anybody and everybody being a potential threat (even between the two of them, Argit's noting that Kevin's snapping while he worked for the Rooters was the worst he'd seen 'before or since' makes it quite clear he's seen him on and passed the edge at least as much if not more than we have), of course they're going to be slow to trust, quick to toss people aside, and unwilling to help their enemies without some sort of payout, they've been burned before.

Just- Damnit these two come from some shitty fucking situations, the effects they had on them are obvious if you bother to fucking look, and they both deserved better than the series just going "oh yeah they're assholes what do you expect they're criminals" and moving the fuck on. Like, for fuck's sake at least acknowledge that they're like this because life was a fucking lead pipe to the teeth to them! We know Kevin's situation was shit even before they met, we got to see it, but even if Argit had a perfectly good life beforehand (unlikely) the earliest we see him is being held captive for illegal experimentation purposes by law enforcement! These two have been through shit! At least acknowledge it!

Fuck, they could've replaced Color of Monkey with that, hitting on the differences between how Kevin and Argit adapted to their circumstances, give us upfront the Tennysons being a safety net that let Kevin heal (rather than just 'oh the Tennysons taught him morals because they're the Good People') while Argit's issues and lack of security kept him stagnant. It would go better with what we see of him over the course of OV leading up to the Rooters arc, and what we're shown in the Rooters arc. Give us him still being far from great or on the up-and-up but improving with the stability that comes with his 'hero' status, a repairing relationship with Kevin after that arc, and a flourishing, above-board business. Rather than backpedaling on any good the writers had thrown at him like they'd realized they were coming up against a cliff.

Shit that makes you want to get the writers by the shoulders and shake them mercilessly.

#the fact kevin's willingness to leave his enemies to their fates is treated as a character flaw resulting from his being immoral #rather than a result of the traumatic-ass shit he's been though and these enemies continue to put him through #we *really* needed a scene between him and gwen where it's made clear that just because she and ben choose to forgive people #doesn't mean kevin has to and that his desire not to help people who only want to hurt him is entirely reasonable #argit has gone through so much shit too and it was understandable it didn't get touched on in UAF because it hadn't been established #but OV has no fucking excuse #bastards really went 'argit is a more accepting partner than rook and selflessly saved a lot of people's lives at least once- #-and cares about kevin and went through so much trauma alongside him and is the wielder of the omnitrix in at least one parallel universe' #and then turned around and went 'but also he is actually an even worse person than UAF showed- #-no really we know we just showed him being the type to selflessly save lives- #-but he's totally down with kidnapping and selling small children to be eaten' #these boys deserve better #honest to fuck they had argit selling children as food directly after showing us how he was treated as a thing by adults as a child #when we know kevin was a victim of the same shit and that argit held it against at least servantis #when we could have had an episode where kids are going missing in Undertown and the heroes learn because Argit called them about it #when we could've had something hitting on he and kevin's trauma from the shit they went through alongside argit growth #as he at the very least refuses to let other little kids go through shit like he and kevin did #which would play well with what we see of him in the rooters arc #*and* what we see in The Purge when he's the one who responds to the FK bullshit not by fleeing the planet but by informing Team Tennyson #despite being shown to have the *ability* to flee #we'd even still get to see scary post-rooters 'don't fuck with me' argit it'd be great #missed fucking opportunities all over the damn place doing these boys dirty

[kitkatabasis]

I will admit that Mystra’s design in BG3 is not…amazing. However, I LOVE the fact that it’s a bit uncanny valley. The idea that the gods just fundamentally are so removed from people that when they try to look like them, they inevitably fail because they can’t quite understand what or why tiny details are important to those little mortals, because they’re just so much bigger and they function in such a different way and on such a different scale is a *fascinating* one, especially with the game’s themes about the apathy and carelessness of gods towards humans, even “good” ones.

#bg3 #baldur’s gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #maybe?? I guess that you meet mystra is a spoiler #Mystra #also this is why it’s so important that Mystra used to be Midnight!! And that Gale becoming a god is his bad ending!! (Also ties in with #astarion’s endings but he has very different goals so it doesnt entirely cohere. The stuff about certain amounts of power fundamentally #Fucking up your brain and ability to care about people does though) #Gale thinks if he becomes a god he could be better than the current ones and actually use the power to help people #And he does intend to!!! #But the thing is if he became a god he would be just as bad as the others because he would *stop being able to care in that way* #It’s not that the gods that were originally people that didnt care about other people #(Although of course a lot of them did…like the dead three) #It’s that once you become a god you become so much bigger than people that you lose your ability to care about them more than like. #Plants. #Which is a FASCINATING bit of worldbuilding that i will definitely have to steal for a project at some point because #OUGHHHH #d’s notes

[outeremissary]

Fandom reputation: Number one Tristian fan, kingmaker enthusiast with highly interesting thoughts, creator of beautiful little artworks and always so much fun to talk to.

Haha, thank you. Though I think I have been too late on the scene and too antisocial to be number one anything, truly... There are a lot of people out there who have been creating in the fandom much longer than I and have brought really impressive things into being. For reasons that elude me, some even follow me- a great and terrible honor indeed.

I am always happy to hear that the art and the company are fun :) As much as I grow, I know I'm still unskilled in both creative and social spheres, haha. It's high praise from someone as skilled as you. I'm amazed by what you can create and how rapidly you've grown.

#I am the Kingmaker philosopher with this reputation for thinking. #though I hope one day it translates into more than vaguely discussed thoughts... #I suppose at risk of being too sincere there is something truly frightening about putting things out there #when I started the Kingmaker blog I really didn't think there could be anyone on Tumblr who cared about the game #I'm very anxious and have a bad habit of comparing myself to others #I never really participated in online fandom before because the incredible abilities of others scared me- I had little to offer #the idea of quietly running a blog that no one saw appealed from me even if there was a fantasy of being famous and praised #like no competition would mean no stress. #but the truth is that there were a lot of people there already who created things I couldn't dream of coming close to #mature and skilled art. long and carefully crafted pieces of writing. #when I became aware of that I got scared. #it made it hard to be proud of what I was doing #so I went to Twitter where I had no audience and I thought no way of being discovered #and then there were people there too. #there have been times I've been so intimidated by others I've really thought about giving up completely #I can't grow or create fast enough to feel like I'm keeping pace #but I guess I want to take a cue from Balthazar and live more selfishly. #I don't really want to be the best anymore and I don't want to worry about what I ought to be doing #or to have a purpose for things or follow some process to a conventional goal #I just want to do what I enjoy without worrying about other people #or thinking I take up too much space #it's hard though right #anyway. no real concluding thought here #sorry to throw down such atrocious tags here on a post already fishing for compliments haha #turns out I actually don't know what to do with compliments when I get them. #ask me emithing #long post #dmagedgoods

[alphalesbian]

.

#its like every now and again i am brought down by a terrible loneliness and am forced to remind myself i have in fact more or less #been alone in some sense of the word for more than a few years now theres been such incredible lengths of my lived adulthood where ive #been to deal with everything on my plate entirely by myself for the most part. not to say that i have been like Alone ive kept busy and all #but sometimes i have to remind myself its been years and years since ive had what i would call even some kind of community. and its a #necessary pain to reflect that That is probably why routinely i am completely leveled by some loneliness. this goes of course without sayin #a lot of this is circumstance why i would maybe end up so alone but the reality is im often the only one who gets me im often the only ear #can open up to im often the only one there to catch myself slipping the only one there to take care of myself when im hurting or sick or #tired. and its not that i dont ask for help. something something circumstance where i dont get it from other people #hardly a thing worth stopping myself over but the moments where i have to pick myself up by my own bootstraps for the nth time completely i #the dark by myself its hard not to feel small. looked past. even though im really doing quite okay all things considered. still quite #unfortunately alone and equally isolated and drained of any energy to change this or get out and find community (if i had the space and #the time and the money of course dont forget about the money) #and at the deepest reaches of this feeling i can only see cosmically that this is what im supposed to be doing. to some strange effect that #I Am at least on the right path as tucked away small and hidden and invisible as this may make me feel. bc its never a hard contrast to mak #that if i did have the ability to truly embrace and make a change in that regard would i? would i do it right? could i keep it? where would #that take me? and of course the answer is in this state id just fumble it. and be right back here #when do i get to have that fire in my hands unequivocally where i may finally furiously rid myself of this isolation this loneliness either #forever or long enough to make the change from this lack of connection and community i truly have?

[daydreamerdrew]

The Incredible Hulk (1968) Annual #10

#while I don’t deny that Bruce and the Hulk’s relationship is more complicated than two completely seperate people who happen to share a body #and I’m not strictly opposed to stories having moments where a certain action of the Hulk’s is attributed to Bruce influencing him #I disliked it back when it was the norm to frame it as the Hulk is a straightforward monster #and anything good he did was because of the man buried deep inside briefly coming out #in part because that’s frankly boring as it makes the Hulk a non-character with very limited interiority #I prefer it when Bruce's influence on the Hulk is limited to knowledge #like that the Hulk did something because he subconsciously remembered something relevant about how radiation works #and I like it better that Bruce and the Hulk have their own different ethos and understanding of right and wrong #I'm thinking of this one scene in The Rampaging Hulk where Bruce sees a child being abused and tries to ignore it #because he doesn't want to get upset and turn into the Hulk #but when he does and the Hulk sees that he immediately intervenes in the situation #but also there's that the Hulk has certain opinions about how fighting is supposed to work #like he judges people for primarily using weapons that fire from a distance rather than physically fighting up close #and I'm sure that Bruce doesn't care about things like that #this story is taking that the approach that the Hulk’s ability to reason is solely limited to Bruce’s influence #so that when they’re seperated the Hulk isn’t capable of reasoning at all #which is not how the Hulk was portrayed when the two of them were separated previously #and which I’m attributing to Bruce’s biased perspective on the Hulk rather than the reality of the situation #I’m not sure how to word this right but I think my understanding of the Hulk’s problems #is more focused on how his intelligence is understood than some other readers’ #like I’m not that convinced of the importance of the Hulk’s appearance and that he’s the strongest there is #while they’re not not contributing factors I do think that the Hulk is devalued because he’s not intelligent #that trying to kill him or ‘cure’ Bruce of them are seen as viable solutions to the problem of the Hulk #because he’s essentially not worth saving #and in turn that it’s particularly tragic that this happened to Bruce because he matters so much as an intelligent person #marvel #bruce banner #my posts #comic panels

[rxttenfish]

tbh no one can convince me that, if miranda got everything she wanted, fully and properly respected as a princess and complete rule over a kingdom or more, that she wouldn’t be absolutely miserable.

#all the care guide says is 'biomass' #this is not a girl who actually wants the title that she has #she wants the dressings of it sure! she wants the luxury and the ability to make people listen to her! #but she's just believing her own lies when it comes to actually ruling itself #i think there's a reason why when she lists things that she enjoys about being a princess #it (within the context of its own story) is all more true for fairytale princesses than even monprom's own standards for a real princess #i dont think she would actually enjoy ruling or having to do so #which ironically is exactly the reason that i made it so in my lore she's the actual next-in-line #(as well as reflecting nicely the irl situation of failsons and faildaughters and Oops The Next In Line Isn't The Right Person) #alongside a whole heaping helping of inner-vanderbilt drama that no one else knows about #because so much of this occurred under the table and have shady reasonings #as well as the fact that the merkingdom doesnt exactly share a news cycle with anyone else #plus it just makes it a tighter story imo #very nice. very neat. miranda is the heir and everything else you hear about from then on is an elaboration on that. #like the entire issue of bellanda who is the next in line after miranda #and her.... Complex relationship to said inherited title #plus the whole being both irreplaceable and very easily replaceable that they're all having to cope with #oops everyone in this situation is highly unstable! and miri makes a perfect summary of that

[birlwrites]

I don't know if you need to hear this, but, given that post about comments earlier, I just wanted to say that I've got both TTDL and Tyrant on my subscriptions, but I still check for updates on the usual posting days multiple times. Your writing is very good; and that runs the whole gamut. The pacing, the characterization, the plot, and a lot of things that I can't name at the top of my head. Best of all, though? Your voice. The effort you've put into the craft over the years is very evident.

thank you so much anon - i'm fortunate enough to not get too many of the 'post more' comments, or at least they're vastly outweighed by the people who genuinely care about the story, and the addition on that post about how powerful positive comments are is incredibly true

for me, knowing that someone is invested in the story (beyond the point of just yelling 'I NEED MORE' at me, which EVERY TIME i deeply wish to respond to with 'no i'm never posting again<3' even though i'm aware it would be a bold-faced lie, simply because i know for other authors it WOULDN'T be a lie and ~actions have their consequences~) makes posting fic an actually fun experience - then i get excited to update the same way readers are excited to read the update, and that's how i've managed to keep going on stories that are WAY bigger than anything i ever dreamed i'd write when i first made an ao3 account. ttdl would not exist if not for the overwhelming amount of encouragement i got from people who enjoyed stga, which would not exist if not for the interest and support i got from people reading my one shots and shorter multichaps

there are a lot of things i love about ao3 but i think because it really is just an archive of fanfiction (which is a good thing for it to be! i don't want it to be a social media platform), it can be easy for people to forget that there's an actual person behind the account posting updates, and that's how they begin to treat authors as merely content creators

i know leaving comments can be a really nerve-wracking thing (i've gotten people apologizing to me for leaving short comments, apologizing to me for leaving long comments, apologizing to me for not commenting on the previous chapter, apologizing to me for not having anything specific to say beyond that they love the story, apologizing to me in case they spelled something wrong because it's 5AM where they are, ETC ETC ETC) and just like... if you're sincere in your appreciation for the story, no matter how much you have to say, please know that it's very much taken to heart and received with gratitude

so it means a lot to me to know that you're interested in those stories, because that is why i post them

#should i make an inbox tag #this is not to say that 'longer fic' is somehow better than shorter fics #more so that because of support from readers i've felt confident enough in my abilities #to tackle increasingly ambitious projects #i still write a lot of one shots and honestly i think they're some of my best writing #generally because i write them and lean REALLY HARD into one thing #(like - overdeveloped affinity for spite can be subtitled 'humor via jump cuts' #implode-- is all about using ambiguity and messing around with pacing #urge to have faith is for prose #ajflsghskdjf i could keep going but i'll end this parenthetical remark here) #but my longer fics are where i focus more on character arcs and plotting #which i just don't have room to do in the short ones #i barely have room in the long ones afjlkghsjkdf you all know this from my infodumps #about things that don't fit into ttdl #ANYWAY my point is that readers and writers have a symbiotic relationship #i have never ever written in a vacuum #and i really do appreciate the people who take the time to let me know they care about this story #even if it's as simple as commenting a heart

[lilyharvord]

wat if ppl who are pro life still follow you🧍‍♀️. I doubt you’ll respond to this which is okay but I don’t hate anyone or anything cuz they’re pro choice. :(

this is hard. Ultimately, I cannot tell you what to do. You are a person with free will and if you want to continue following me you can. You just have to understand that I am stauchly pro-choice, and so much of my writing and my posts reflect that. So the comment to unfollow me is more for your mental benefit that mine. I don't need people having a question of faith or anything because of something I say or do on the internet.

#(*ask lily*) #(*shut up lily*) #about me #listen #this is a brutal topic right now #pro choice is just that #I want to have a choice in the matter #I want to be able to say whether or not I want an abortion not that I should have one #people just need to have that option #to be able to say yes or no #that is basic human right #the ability to decide yes or no for my body #RvW being overturned is also so much more than a pro choice pro life argument #it is about a woman's right to privacy with a docotor #a right to privacy into her medical care #overturning it infringes on that right #it also stops IVF treatments #so.... in my humble opinion not very pro life of them #the whole OH THEIR PRO BIRTH thing is kind of a leap #the whole system is just fucked #and as a woman who bought plan B the day before RvW was overturned #I very much so was aware of what I was losing as a woman when they overturned it

[skyjynxart]

.

#hmmmm #vent cw #dont read this #no seriously i warned you im being a whiney piece of shit #I should probably be worried about the 3-day long panic attack ive had going on #the physical symptoms really are rhe works- the swimming vision the dizziness the tight chest feeling that is uniquely 'anxiety' #and then you add the inability to think for more than like 5 minutes about any given topic #the stress to the point of wanting to cry when things go slightly wrong #but ironically i cant seem to summon any actual anxiety about the anxiety #juat a blank numbness there #really do need it to stop tho as i think its destroying what little appeal as a human i had left at this point #and its seriously hampering my ability to get work done #which i absolutely need to be doing bc if i dont finish my work i cant take on more work #and if i dont take on more work i will officially no longer be paying my bills next month #'sky this seems like talk for a therapist not hidden tags on the tumblr dash' yeah I dont think sitting on this for a month will work #'talk to a friend about it then' hahaha no at least here anyone who reads this fuckin chose to #putting up with me normally is a big ask putting up with me when im needy & anxious & breaking down bc its Too Fucking Much? #lmfao hell no i like my friendship INTACT thanks #a bitch is not about to be a drain on emotional resources when said bitch cannot contribute fuckall of value thats how you make it all worse #and then a month later the therapist cancels so i just keep adding tags to this post bc no one will read them #but i feel like im “talking to someone” #the panic attacks stopped but i have no idea why #i mean im still feeling unusually heightened anxiety 24/7 but its not causing physical symptoms #not like it was anyway #and at least now being anxious makes sense #its a bunch of small to medium shit id probably feel better about if i talked more #but the less i talk and just observe people from a distance unseen the happier people i care about seem so #im literally a fifth wheel so the least i can do is not squeak and alert others to my presence #i really need to get better at art and get faster at working so i can have SOMETHING to offer #oh wow theres a tag limit apparently guess i have to find a new method bc making a new post is begging for attention & I don't wanna do that