#and now my therapist is having me tested for osdd because i did not know that those symptoms were not a thing everyone experiences

[dissociativediscourse]

Hi! So I need some advice. I've been to a few mental health professionals, and told them about my system, told them about my switches and buying stuff I don't like for specific alters. And none of them believe that I have DID/Osdd. Some don't know what alters mean.

The only explanation I've ever gotten was, "It's really rare." They haven't tested me. I filled out a online test and gave it to them but they didn't talk about it next session or tell me the result.

Does that mean I'm a singlet? Is this all just a delusion? If three doctors think I'm wrong then I'm wrong, right?

Hey, glad I can help!

So, there are a few things here that I think would be useful for you to know, first and foremost. Now, before all this is said, don’t let it be any kind of discouragement to you. This happens to a lot of people with and without DID.

There is not a single online test that is going to tell you whether or not you have DID with any kind of accuracy. Yes, this includes finding official diagnostic tools like the MID or the SCID-D or anything else. Even if you have the scoring guide. There is not a chance that you, in your position (or any [especially nonprofessional] undiagnosed person, for that matter) are going to find those tools helpful. Your therapist or psychiatrist will see online tests as equally unhelpful.

Paper testing is not required for a DID diagnosis. If a therapist is a specialist and knows what they’re doing, they will be able to diagnose you after a while of talking to you and getting to know you and scoping out your symptoms.

Doctors telling you that “this disorder is rare” is their way of telling you they don’t think you have it without saying that directly.

Now, all that being said, I doubt that these are dissociative specialists that you’re seeing. I haven’t known of a dissociative specialist that would agree with the statement that “DID is a rare disorder” or at the very least would say that out loud to a patient. I wholeheartedly believe that the opinions of doctors/psychs who do not specialize in trauma and dissociation/dissociative disorders should be wholly, if not mostly, disregarded. They don’t know what they’re talking about and have likely spent very little time researching it.

This kind of puts things up in the air for you. You may or may not have DID, and the likelihood doesn’t swing further in either direction from the information we’ve got here. The only way you’re going to find out for certain is if you see a psych who actually knows what they’re talking about. Anyone else is a waste of time and money, and I’m sorry you’ve been subjected to it already. The ISSTD site can help you find dissociative specialists, and so can Psychology Today. I’ll reblog this post with some resources and advice on helping you find a therapist. Being completely upfront is the way to Do do not tiptoe around any of it. Be straightforward. And remember that your priority is treatment, not diagnosis, because if a specialist believes you have DID and can help you, whether they write that down on paper or not only matters for insurance purposes.

I cant and won’t tell you whether or not you have DID, because I don’t know you and I am not yet a professional. I will tell you that going to an eye doctor for an upset stomach isn’t going to give you any answers worth your time, and that this is pretty much doing that. a find someone who’s worth your money and time for the issues that you believe you’ve got.

Good luck, and I hope you have a wonderful day.

#advice asks #dissociative identity disorder #dissociative identity disorder advice #did advice #osdd advice #other specified dissociative disorder #osddid #did osdd #actually did #therapy advice tag

[tarpitbell]

1:52

[👾 - - - ⚡forgot🐍⚡]🔥

I'm doing research on what else I could possibly have. Because of what I've somewhat found out about myself(can barely remember childhood, fear of being left alone, etc etc. symptoms of OSDD/BPD).

But of course i could just be autistic and look for other things to say just so I can appear as a bitch. But then again it all just makes sense to me.

The symptoms are there, on some tests online I've reached very high results of likely having them, and just. Everything in general.

But I'm making sure that I'm not just bitching and whining about what I could possibly have. I'm going to bring this all up to my therapist. Just so I can know fully, and truly I may have it.

Because I don't want to seem like I'm just whining about smth so small-

It's kinda funny though in some ways. Mom doesn't want me to be like her, yet I'm my own person. And I was a kid. When all of that abuse happened. Domestic, emotional, hell even sexual! I was about to see something (walked in on my mom and biological 'father' doing 'it' = sex). I told one of my siblings about it, and they said it was probably something mom didn't want.

So forced sex/sexual abuse. I was about to see it. I'm honestly so glad that I don't remember my childhood, but it makes me wonder.

What am I? My body sometimes doesn't feel like my own. Sometimes I feel bigger than naturally. Sometimes I feel smaller, etc etc. hell I even sometimes feel like a non-human(robot/animal).

Is my brain my own? At GYM I heard the Wingdings sound and then I heard Papyrus's signature "NYEEEH!" but it was surprised/etc. Papyrus was shocked that Gaster suddenly was here.

I was in the bathroom one time, tried to have Sans, I did for just a moment. All I was left with was Papyrus; he did have a voice, could talk as if a human, but once Sans disappeared Papyrus went back to text-speech sound affect voice.

But of course I could just be crazy. Because that's honestly how I am. I'm just plainly crazy, now. (maybe I'm not though? My personality changes. It's always changed ever since I was young. I see a character and take their personality and mix theirs to what was mine). But I'm honestly just crazy.

But again. Funny how mom doesn't want me to be like her yet I'm my own person, I was a kid when it all happened, and I think I may have some like. Complex PTSD(OSDD) (my mom has PTSD). I understand what my mom says, I agree with what she says sometimes. Yet I think I'm some like. Fictional characters(body wise/etc).

Gah. Forgot everything I'm saying. This is all so stupid

#audrey/kellie's rambles #all is semi personal so if you hate that. you can leave #audrey/kellie vents #tw abuse #child abuse #emotional abuse #tw sex #cw abuse #mental health #⚡🔥🐍👾

[thestarssystem]

hello! same anon who asked the last question about being able to send an ask! i've been having questions about whether or not i could be an osdd system (1b to be specific) but i can't find answers to sone questions so i was hoping you could help me out? it's really long, sorry:(

1. the thing i have the most issues with is alters fronting. i don't exactly know how it feels to have another alter fronting and taking control of the body. there's only been a few times where i've genuinely felt like i wasn't in control of my body & felt trapped in it but other than that, whenever all my other alters(?) fronted i would still generally be able to control the body. i don't know how to explain it. for example, an alter who i think is a protector was fronting last night but besides the name and some traits, everything was pretty much still the same, like as if i was the protector? and i'm not the most knowledgeable on how osdd works, but should i be feeling atleast somewhat out of my control ?? it's happened pretty much every time an alter(?) has fronted(?) and i ended up in a really bad mood after trying to validate the possibility i might have osdd because i didn't know if this was real or if i was just being delusional. and this is kinda a silly question but when another alter fronts, thinking is still the same, right? like they can still talk in their head like a singlet would and such

2. 'voices' in your head - a lot of systems i've come across generally have the voices. i don't, atleast i don't think i do. again, i don't know how it would be if i experienced it. is it like how someone would talk to you irl? or is it more vague? or is it like, more of a feeling that you can't really 'hear' but yk it's saying that?

3. i can't exactly communicate with my alters, if i have any. i don't know how to and even then it feels really odd trying to talk to myself and again, i start to feel dumb/delusional again because osdd may not even be the case.

4. similar to the last thing, is it normal to 'talk' to your system? like last night for example, it's a blurry memory now but i remember 'we're going to bed now' 'we're gonna do this and then sleep' and such, despite the fact i know we can't really communicate. i think another alter was fronting then

4. i have trouble recognizing my alters as seperate identities and people, and rather tend to think they're pieces of me. so like, if another alter were to do something, and later i fronted, and if i would talk about what the other alter did i would still use "i did" rather than "(other alter) did". i'd just like some advice on this part

5. i have no idea whether or not systems i've met have 'different talents' but i've seen it going around a lot. to be more specific, my 'talents' or other stuff has never really changed. i usually still have social anxiety, my triggers are usually still the same, i've never suddenly gotten good at anything, and so on. is it a normal/common thing for systems for that not to happen?

6. memory. i have really bad memory, which actually led me to did/osdd (+ 8/9 year old me going "why do i feel like two people" and googling it years ago), and i always have trouble recalling what happened. after i do anything and i try to think back to it - it's just foggy. i can sometimes remember a bit of what happened, but generally i'll have to think for a bit and the visual memory of it will just be really really blurry. this happens pretty much every day but i have no idea if it does the same with important events because nothing important has really happened. and another thing - when you switch, do you still remember friends/online friends/family? i've had times where they've seemed odd(?) and somewhat unrecognizable but i've always known it's them, same with trauma and other stuff. i've always kinda known about it.

7. i've tested some things multiple times. for example, a few days or weeks ago, i was doing and typing stuff on discord in a server just for me, for fun. when i went away and checked back later, i know that it was me who did it, just not,, me, yk? like it happened with my own fingers and hands, i didn't have exact visual memories that i did it, but i had memory of doing it, so like, i knew, despite the fact another alter could've been the one doing it. same thing happened last night - now that i look back at the account i, or my alter, created, i can tell it wasn't exactly 'me', but i still had memory doing it. and it's never been like "what is this? i have zero memory of doing this" or something like that

8. i don't really have roles for my alters. well, some do. for example i think a protector (and maybe caretaker as well) was fronting last night. i just have trouble with the roles? if that makes sense. unless it comes naturally, like the protector for example, it's just kinda really hard for me to make stuff out. i also have dpdr & i dissociate and i believe that influences on how i view my identity and how i can't really make out stuff, even stuff like emotions, my opinion on something, who's fronting, etc.

9. as far as i know, systems have an 'inner world', right? i know some systems that don't, but i'm not sure if i have it and i dont know how to find out if i do

to add on, i'm kinda worried i might just be thinking i have osdd because i've been exposed(?) to it and that i might just be delusional and that i'm just making people up

lastly, would it be a good idea to try to reach out to alters? and if i should, how would i do so? thank you :D !! again, i'm really really sorry this was so long! don't stress yourself out on this please:]

- fox

DISCLAIMER: We are not trained mental health professionals! All of the information we give is coming from our own experience as a system, or from research we have done! We always recommend that, if at all possible, you speak to a therapist about OSDD/DID!

hello! thanks for you questions! i’ll do my best to answer everything haha. I’m going to section everything off in the same way you did, but there may be some overlap between questions!

1.)I’m gonna start my answer to this by saying that switching feels and looks different for every system. There is no one way to switch. What happens for us when we fully switch is the obvious dissociative feeling, and then it feels like we’re “falling” almost and then after that falling feeling, we’ve switched. With your experience you’re describing, though, it seems more like co-conscious or co-fronting. Co-conscious is typically a feeling like you’re still in full control of the body, but another alter is in the ‘passenger seat of the car’ and is giving their thoughts on what’s happening on the outside. Co-fronting is more of a feeling where you feeling like you’re half in control of your body, and another alter has half control of your body. This can be a moment (that i’ve vaguely described on my tumblr actually) of feeling like “this isn’t my hand. I’m not controlling that arm.” However, that feeling can also happen with depersonalization. To help you tell the difference, i think it could be helpful to journal when/if you get those feelings and if you “feel” different, like you could actually be another alter. —/ part b.) for my system at least, thinking is still the same, regardless of who’s fronting. I’m not sure if that’s the same for other systems, but i’ve never heard or seen anyone talking about thinking being any different, but i have heard systems discussing something i’ll address in #2

2.) so, in my experience, my system does not audibly hear each other’s voices. Some systems do, and some systems have a different form of communication. Since i can’t talk about audible voices, i’ll only talk about ‘intrusive thought’ communication, which is what we experience. For my system, we get an intrusive thought of sorts. It’s just a thought, but we can tell who it’s coming from (honestly not really sure how, it’s just a feeling. I can always tell who is telling me something) That thought is different from normal thinking though, because it doesn’t feel like it’s coming from us and it has a different... vibe?? idk i honestly can’t really think of how to explain it lmaoo. To continue my answer from part 1, alters can use something called “passive influence” which is where they ‘control’ your thoughts to get what they want. An easy example is if someone asks what you (the fronting alter) want to drink and you want to answer water, but another alter wants sprite, they can use passive influence to say that YOU want sprite, when really you don’t. That’s the only way I can really think of the act of thinking being different though haha.

3.) my system doesn’t really have the best internal communication, but that’s the case for a lot of systems, especially new ones. It takes time and determination. One of the ways i’ve seen suggested to help with internal communication is before you go to sleep, when you’re in the calm and peaceful state, just ask into your head if anyone is there and wants to talk to you. Let them knower they’re safe and that you want to talk. Keep the convo friendly and ask them about themselves (i.e their name, age, role {if they have one}, favorite color, etc)

4.) to be completely honest, it’ll just take practice to change your habit of using “i did.” I don’t know how old you are, but you went your entire life up until this point believing you were a singlet. Using “i did” is still natural for you to use as a default. Try to catch yourself as (or after) you say “i did” and try to correct yourself and overtime that habit will hopefully be broken. The same goes for not really recognizing your alters. You went your whole life thinking everything was just ‘you’ (the host) so now, when discussing OSDD, it might be hard to really pinpoint who is who. That’ll just take time though. But don’t force your alters to fit a specific mold you made for them. Everything with figure itself out eventually

5.) what you described (with different talents and different mental health issues) doesn’t happen to my system and i believe it doesn’t happen to a good portion of systems, especially OSDD systems. The only thing that really changes for my system from alter to alter is preferences, such as food, instruments (my system knows how to play 8 instruments and each alter prefers one over the other lmao), and hobbies (like reading, painting, and writing) HOWEVER, we all still can paint and play all 8 of our instruments with the same skill. Our skill level doesn’t change between alter, just our desire to do that activity (if that makes any sense lmao)

6.) problems with memory and forgetting things is not a sign of OSDD-1b. Dissociative amnesia is only a sign of OSDD-1a and DID. I think it might be helpful to keep track of your switches and see if your memory “fog” overlaps with it. If yes, then you should probably consider check out OSDD-1a or DID. If it doesn’t, my honest suggestion is to consider talking to a doctor/therapist about memory problems and short term memory loss. (also to answer your question asking if we remember online friends: yes, we always remember other people, regardless of who’s fronting)

7.) this relates back to the memory question. OSDD-1b is not characterized by forgetfulness or memory problems. With OSDD-1b, you will never have that moment of “I don’t remember doing this” unless there is a VERY specific reason (i.e. a traumatic event that needs to be hidden) It is normal, on the other hand, to know that another alter did something, rather than you, and still have memory of it.

8.) i think roles are difficult for a lot of systems. I know my system had (and still has) a little bit of trouble with roles. My biggest advice is actually something i’m following rn and that’s to not force roles. Let alters naturally choose their roles. It may take a really long time though, but that’s okay. It might help to do some research as well. Google all the different alter types and see if you can pinpoint some that fit your system (like i said though, don’t forget those roles! let them have the ultimate decision)

9.) My system doesn’t have an inner world. We have something called Aphantasia which makes it impossible to see images in our head. There are systems who don’t have an inner world, however i don’t know if there is a specific reason or not. Ive heard that meditating can help you access the inner world, as well as, once again, trying to access it before you fall asleep. However, because I can’t have an inner world, i haven’t done much research on the topic and I suggest that you try and find a method that works for you :)

closing points: When considering any type of mental health problem/ mental disorder, make sure you’re not bending the diagnostic criteria to fit you. With OSDD, there are slight differences between every system, but nothing major that would require serious bending of the criteria. At the very end, you asked if you should try and reach out to your alters. You DEFINITELY should. They’re scared and confused, just like you. I think my answer for 3.) gives a good, easy starting point for alter communication c:

I hope these answers helped, at least a little. Good luck and stay safe xx

-the stars system (written by multiple alters all at different times)

~sorry if there’s any typos~

#osdd protector #osdd positivity #did osdd #osdd problems #osdd alter #osdd community #actually osdd #osdd support #osdd system #osdd #osdd 1b #dissociative system #dissociative alters #other specified dissociative disorder

[system-splintered]

(Definitely dont have to answer, or can be as vague as you want)

What has been your experience/s with being a system and all that comes with it?

At first, it was really scary. I knew something was deeply wrong with me, mental health wise, and pieces started to fall into place. I(Samuel) acted out dramatically to friends and family, and drove recklessly, other parts acted "in" persay, directing their anger and fear at the body. I was afraid, and unsure, and I started to scour the internet to figure out what was wrong. I'll be honest, at this point it's all such a blur, I don't remember the exact moment that sparked our first thought that this disorder could be the answer.

I was terrified that it would be.

I sought out every other diagnosis I could find information about that was remotely related to the symptoms I knew about -- angry, out-of-character outbursts, flashbacks, and sporadic memory loss that started small (I initially thought maybe OSDD-1b) and has at this point spread to cover the vast, vast majority of my childhood, as well as most of my adult life up to the last year. I barely remember TV shows or movies I watch. even ones I've seen several (4+) times. I barely remember the sound of my abusers' family's voices. I was a lot clearer before I figured it out, honestly.

but I kept on, I found and took all of those stupid self tests and all of them repeated the same thing; high risk of this or a related disorder, see a doctor. I started deciphering who could be who, and mapping what I found. I added as much information as I could figure out, and updated it often. I've mapped, and mapped, and remapped. I accessed the Multidimensional Inventory of Dissociation (MID) test. I took it, and scored it myself. the results were more ""severe"" than I had anticipated. because of the discrepancy in skills between parts (most can't draw, but a couple can with great skill, and some couldn't drive) I qualified for a DID diagnosis. as more parts have popped up, I find that my memory gets worse, and my trauma reactions get stronger.

after one unfortunate and short time with an iffy therapist for a matter this serious, I have found my current T, a wonderful woman named Judy that is very accepting, open to correction/criticism, she takes me seriously, and has genuinely heartfelt empathy for the things we have gone through. I came to her upfront with my suspected diagnosis, and she handled it perfectly. She both avoided invalidating me in the way I felt my experiences could be explained, and also kept a perspective that neither leaned her toward or away from the diagnosis. we talk a lot about the disorder itself, and almost every session she is surprised with the volume I know about it. I felt I had to fixate on research, in a way, to be able to justify my initially self-dx. Now it is confirmed by my T, who is experienced with the disorder. I had to know entirely how it worked, I had to know there was no way I could be faking or misattributing an experience to something that wasn't there. but the more I talked to my parts, the more I found I could never predict what they would say next. I knew it couldn't be me, because I had no idea what their thoughts were until spoken or internally communicated in full.

after a long journey of selves discovery (hyuck hyuck 😂) we have began working as a team, and have also been trying to find the rest of us. we can all feel the unknown bubbling inside us, dark and thick like tar. and finding each of us in turn has cleaned a bit of that away. someday we will know everyone.

All in all, enriching is, I feel like, the best word to describe coming to know each other.

-Alex, Samuel, Heather, Zero, John, James & Marv... lots of input on this one.

great ask!!! I'm kind of an open book, haha. outside of trauma details, that is. I think the story of self discovery as a system is really important to have in the community, for those of us pre-diagnosis or discovery.

#did/osdd #dissociative identity disorder #actually did #memory loss #amnesia #traumagenic system #did system #self doubt #mental illness #alters #tw #osdd 1

[greekgeekgoddess]

I'm sorry if I ever post things without proper insight.

I am poor.

I am depressed and damaged.

And I am searching for answers I am not qualified to give myself.

I know a few things.

Do I have certain characteristics and symptoms of certain disorders? Yes.

High functioning autism. DID as well, specifically OSDD-1b.

Have I been officially diagnosed with them? No.

Why? Because I no longer have health insurance for my therapist and can't get mental health care. So I can't get an official to properly test me for a diagnosis. I can't afford to pay. I only have a part time job.

Now my primary doctor did give me an autism test and I scored high like. 90%

But that still doesn't mean that I am. Could I just be under the umbrella for these disorders?

Very likely.

Or it could also be something different.

But I do know this.

I take comfort in knowing that certain things I go through have answers and names to them. And even if I'm not 100% of my place in them. Their posts keep me going while I try to stay sane and figure myself out.

What was I officially diagnosed with before this?

Complex PTSD, extreme anxiety, Major Depressive disorder, gender dysphoria.

I know that some symptoms of certain disorders have a tendency to overlap. And until I can get a detailed diagnosis. I will stick to what I have officially been diagnosed with.

But please. If you see me reblogging certain posts linked to certain disorders. Please know I am NOT trying to claim to be something I am not.

I am just not ignoring a part of me that needs to identify with others.

#long post #i dont even know if this makes sense #disorders #personality disorder #did #OSDD-1b #autism #highfunctioning autism #what am I? #why must this be so frustrating

[lexaprozac]

Dissociation (long post ahead)

So, I don’t think you guys remember, but back at the beggining of 2014 I talked about how I was starting to experience some strange things in my body, how I felt different entities took control of my it. At first they were unidentified entities that mainly hurt me when I was at my work’s restroom, but later they started to take form of people, like alters, there was a woman, a man, a couple of little kids, some genderless entities,some were animals. Some of them were nice, some were violent. But I didn’t have amnesia, I was conscious all the time. But it was very distressful. I went to see my psychiatrist at that time and he said it was an “identity difusion”, but it had nothing to do with that. I talked about this issue at a mental health forum, back then my diagnosis had changed from BPD to bipolar 2 and I was on a very low dosage of antipsychotics (unlike now). There they told me to check the dissociation forum. I had no idea about dissociation but things started to make sense. I had alters. Could it be DID? But I had no amnesia. Then there was this diagnosis of DDNOS (now called OSDD) when you had alters without amnesia, and it fit, I know in order to develop a dissociative disorder you have to had endured severe trauma as a child, but I didn’t, although I was bullied in my childhood and I was molested by a family member (I won’t say who) and by a doctor and later in life I had an extremelly traumatic abusive relationship. But I thought I was resilient and I didn’t have collateral damage. (later I realized I was wrong). Back then (still 2014) I took under advice of this forum, a test from The Pottergate Centre for Trauma and Dissociation (they sent me a test to my mail and I sent it back) and the results were that I was likely to have a dissociative disorder. 

I started seeing a therapist, but she thought these alters were more of a psychotic nature, but still we worked on them. I later switched to another cheaper therapist but he had no expertice on anything and he made more harm than good, but that’s another story.

I also saw my psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with “hysteria”, a term not used since the 1980´s, but it was close to a conversion disorder. I guess he didn’t know much about dissociation either.

These “alters” were with me for many months, they appeared mostly when I was in a crowd or alone, they wrote messages on my cellphone, I talked to them in the mirror or on the phone, I did things they wanted me to do, like buying stuff or going to concerts, and they sort of made me feel alive. I became fond of the nice ones, although the evil ones still hurt me (TW back then I self harmed a lot).

My antipsychotics were increased, but not enough to make them sleep, until one day I started to hallucinate and my psychiatrist prescribed haldol and then all of a sudden they were gone. They haven’t appeared since 2014, however, I often feel possessed and like I’m not in control of my body, I move against my will.

By the end of 2014 I became suicidal and was hospitalized and diagnosed with schizophrenia (I was told these alters were hallucinations) but I think this is because at the hospital they didn’t believe in dissociative disorders. Later I did have psychotic and mood symptoms and was diagnosed as schizoaffective, which I do believe I have, but the possessions haven’t stopped after all these years.

So, what’s my point? I want to be reassessed with my current psychiatrist for a dissociative disorder, I was supposed to see her this Wedenesday but with the COVID-19 all the appointments at my hospital were cancelled until further notice and there they don’t do online appointments. Because even though I haven’t had delusions or psychosis in nearly two years, just last week and with the stress of this coronavirus I was possessed again many times during the day.

Thanks for reading!

#personal #dissociation #dissociative disorder #ddnos #osdd #did #schizophrenia #schizoaffective #psychosis #bipolar 2 #bpd #trigger warning #self harm #molestation #trauma #abuse #bullying #covid_19 #coronavirus #possessions #hysteria

[real-did]

i've been dissociating for a while now, but sometimes i notice this sort of alter come over me. i'm still there in the background so i know it's happening, but the alter kind of takes over my outward interaction while i kind of silly dally in my head. is this something to mention to my therapist? i don't really have a problem with this alter, my friend has noticed it and called it "an actual 7 year old" and i really don't mind that. just, idk, i want to feel like i'm not just making things up

I’m assuming that you’re not diagnosed with DID/OSDD. While there’s absolutely a chance this could be an alter, what you’re describing isn’t necessarily an alter. If you don’t have DID/OSDD, please don’t use “alter” to describe this experience! You’d need to see a professional to get this diagnosed properly, all I can offer are some ideas. If you have DID/OSDD already, my apologies! 

To be diagnosed with DID, you need to have had severe, repeated childhood trauma before the age of 9 (in the vast majority of cases). You need to have amnesia between your alters (not remember things that happened when they front at least some of the time), and they need to be distinct and take full control at least sometimes. OSDD-1a and OSDD-1b are “otherwise specified dissociative disorder” and these are diagnosed when you have a system that doesn’t meet either the distinction or amnesia requirements for DID. It’s very rare that a system has only two members- I think the average is 8? 

Alternatively, have you heard of age regression? It’s not at all related to the k*nk community, it’s something that a lot of traumatized/mentally ill individuals do (in therapy and outside of it). It doesn’t have to be regression to a childlike state, I’ve heard of people regressing to any point in their past, and they tend to have interests/social abilities/other skills related to this age rather than the age of the body. There’s a pretty significant sized age regression community on tumblr, but be safe because NSFW stuff mixes in with it sometimes. Age regression is commonly tied to cPTSD! 

You could have BPD or another personality disorder. Many individuals with BPD, depending on the situation/mood, feel as though they are acting different roles or are separate from themselves. Dissociation is a secondary symptom of BPD as well. 

You could also have a physical condition that explains dissociation, such as complex partial seizures, brain trauma, blood sugar issues, etc, etc. 

This is why it’s so important to see a professional about this! Almost everyone diagnosed with DID has been tested for seizures and other mental illnesses. A lot of things can look like alters, but have other (and easier!) explanations. What you’re describing doesn’t sound like DID- it could be, but it’s not the most likely explanation. 

Please let me know if you have any questions, I’m here to help!

#diagnosis #age regression #bpd #Anonymous

[veteransystem]

Plural Friendly Fire: It Sux 4 Evry1

So, I was going to leave it for the night, but against my better judgement I read our entire dash, including this ask and response (in a series of angry anons). And this segment of the anon rant stuck with me:

“actually also u can help being what u are! just stop pretending! its so easy when ur not traumagenic bcuz it actually isnt an illness u suffer with!”

Because this statement, and the attitude behind it, is why most systems don’t last a year out of the closet. Of all kinds: endogenic or traumagenic, neurogenic or spiritual, fictive/factive or split or walk-in or any variation, past or present. In every category of plural there is, systems that have recently come to terms with the fact that they do not experience life as one mind in one brain have been bombarded with the message:

1) you must perfectly match this particular extremely strict model, primarily defined in negatives, stereotypes, and impossible catch-22s (e.g., “all systems with fictives are fake,” “traumagenic systems have just been brainwashed by their shrinks,” “you’re not real unless everyone can front on demand BUT if people front for any reason other than ‘just feeling like it’ they’re fake”, etc.)

2) if you do not perfectly match the model, you are either fake or mistaken,

3a) if you are mistaken, you can stop being mistaken instantaneously by obeying the first total stranger to yell at you in ALLCAPS, or

3b) if you are faking, you can stop faking by Deciding Not To Fake Anymore, and this is an easy, painless process which you can do Right Now and will cause you absolutely no harm.

The number of systems who have had to check into psychiatric hospitals for suicidal ideation over “failing” at 3b is larger than you’d think. Trying to force yourself to Stop Being Plural tends not to work. The damage done to cooperation, in-system trust, and whatever we’re calling co-consciousness this year can take years to repair, and will leave serious scars.

And the thing is, much of this is aimed at a perceived “enemy” category, but primarily hits vulnerable systems of the same subcommunity.

Here’s another statement, drawn from this angry ask from the same series as before:

“go get a brain scan and tell me if ur amygdalar and hippocampal volumes are around 15% smaller bcuz of childhood abuse and trauma like DID systems are”

Now, the research backing up or refuting this statement, I’m going to leave to @solipsistful and @lb-lee, since they’re old hats at it. What I’m going to do is break down is how this statement, though aimed at a quoigenic system, is not exactly a helpful thing for vulnerable traumagenic systems to come across either.

First, “go get a brain scan”. What kind? CT? MRI? PET? In the US, a medical doctor would have to place the request for imaging, and most trauma-certified therapy specialists do not hold a professional medical degree, so the request would have to be placed by a psychiatrist working closely with your therapist. 

Are you a traumagenic system with DID or OSDD on Medicare because dissociation, flashbacks, and other symptoms of severe trauma prevent you from working? Medicare Part B only covers “medically necessary” clinical diagnostic laboratory tests—”medically necessary”, in this context, means “is it an essential, non-optional requirement for diagnosis or treatment?” Since the diagnostic criteria for DID and OSDD in the DSM-V does not require brain imaging for diagnosis, Medicare will refuse to pay for this procedure. You definitely do not have between $2000-$5000 to pay for it out-of-pocket.

Are you prepared to fight over the phone every day for months trying to get the United States government to recognize the medical necessity of finding out the size of your amygdala and hippocampus relative to a control subject when it’s not part of the diagnostic criteria for a particular illness? You probably already know the miserable process of being rejected for disability income and having to repeal the decision in court.

Second, “tell me if ur amygdalar and hippocampal volumes are around 15% smaller”. Now a neurologist is going to have to be involved, since 15% is not a dramatically obvious difference to a non-specialist’s eye and even your psychiatrist is probably going to have a little difficulty with this one. You’ve got three professionals and an extremely expensive yet “optional” test involved to satisfy an angry system on the internet. Finally, though, you go through all of this and come out the other side with confirmation, rush to Tumblr to tell them...

...and they don’t believe you. “You’re just saying that; what’s your proof?”

Now you need to show them your brain scan. Maybe you’re lucky and were given a disc with the data on it. Maybe you’re also lucky enough to have a computer powerful enough to handle the software necessary to analyze that data visually. You throw yourself into it and figure out how to use this software just well enough to take a screenshot of your “amygdalar and hippocampal volumes” and toss that up with a scan of the neurologist’s written assessment for good measure.

Even if the original anon accepts it, someone at some point is still going to go, “Nope, it’s fake, you totally got that off Google Images.” You, already exhausted and dealing with mental illness, have just spent ridiculous amounts of effort getting an extremely expensive scan of your brain and putting it on the internet in order to prove you are Really McReal when the mere fact that the scan is on the internet will render it suspect.

"This is a strawman argument,” you might say. “That’s an absurd series of hoops no one would ever go through.”

But that is my point. I will be extremely surprised if there are more than five traumagenic systems on this site who have had brain imaging where the data has specifically been analyzed regarding the size of various volumes relative to what a neurologist would generally expect. Most traumagenic systems do not know how their specific brain compares to research findings, because most have not had this kind of imaging done for this purpose. Some may have had imaging for other diagnostic purposes, but then it hasn’t been assessed in this very specific way. They likely don’t have a personal copy of their own brain imaging data, and if they did, where are they going to find a qualified, verified, and trustworthy DID/OSDD-friendly neurologist to assess it for free?

It’s a near impossible qualification for most traumagenic systems to meet, to have jumped through all the hoops to acquire this very specific knowledge about their brain to meet this extremely specific criteria unrelated to the actual diagnostic criteria of DID and OSDD, but it’s being thrown at a quoigenic system as if it were Something All Traumagenic Systems Know.

A very newly out system could read it and think, “Oh no, we don’t have a brain scan and we can’t get one. Everyone’s going to think we’re fake!” or even “Gee, we’ve never had a brain scan. Our therapist didn’t say anything about needing a brain scan. If he doesn’t think we need a brain scan, maybe our trauma wasn’t that bad? Does he think we’re faking? Are we faking?” or “Oh god, one day we’re going to be the ones being screamed at and torn to pieces and who the fuck even knows what it’ll be for. I mean, brain scans? Fucking BRAIN SCANS? I can’t fucking handle this, guys. I can’t fucking handle all of us having to walk on eggshells Or Fucking Else, we’ve got to go”.

All three lead to genuinely traumagenic systems quietly fading out of the community, never to be seen again. Because someone decided to Protect The Vulnerable by Attacking The Enemy without thinking about splash damage.

Meanwhile, most endogenic systems probably just looked at it, thought “pfft what a nutter” and went on with their day.

Hate whoever you want to. It’s not like I can stop you from thinking or feeling a particular way. Just remember that your actions can hurt people you don’t want to hurt in addition to the people you’re taking aim at, and if you’re not careful, you might even hurt them more than the ones you hate.

—Ilya

#ilya authorship tag #fake fake systems #plural community shenanigans #the genic wars #dissociation mention #anti-endogenic content #anon harassment content #medical red tape discussed at length #suicide mention #psychiatric hospital mention