#and nobody ever wants me

[lavender-femme]

don’t call don’t text don’t read the tags if you don’t wanna see my sad thoughts

#i am feeling so sad and undesirable and unloved and i just hate it here #i had to go to my uncles birthday dinner tonight and i am just always so fucking out of place with my family #and it’s exactly one year since [redacted] tore my heart to shreds and i went to be with them bc ‘he’s having a hard time’ #like hey I’m having a hard time too but I’m here to support him can he at least not say two slurs in a row while sitting next to me? #and ugh. it’s just been a fucking YEAR. #a year since I thought someone actually wanted me. #and it’s not fucking pretty but I’m so sad and feel so unwanted and unloved and just undesirable #it’s stupid and pathetic and if you’re reading these please don’t judge me but #I’m almost thinking like god how could anyone want me? #I’m always the last choice I’m always the one who gets left behind I’m always the one fighting to continue on #and nobody ever wants me #it fucking hurts #it makes me feel like nobody sees me #i want nothing more than to be held and loved and never have to doubt that #and yet here I am feeling like it’ll never happen #like nobody will ever be willing to sit with me through the not so pretty parts of who I am in order to celebrate the ones that are #when will someone finally see me for all that i am and still love me and want me #i just have so much love to give #and i need so much in return #i’m talking #broken petals

[kikker-oma]

If sketch requests are still open, I wish to see Wind, Four, Hyrule, and Time playing Monopoly.

Four is a smart man who values his life😳

#nobody in the group has ever been able to hold onto the Lon Lon Ranch property #Wars got brave once and tried to buy it #but Time called a time out and took Wars aside #Time got the ranch from Wars the very next turn #poor wars wasn't ok the rest of the game #sweet monish mews and twos #I'm so sorry this literally took months for me to do #linked universe #linkeduniverse #lu fanart #lu time #lu hyrule #lu wind #lu four #wind wants chaos #meanwhile hyrule is trying to prevent a murder

[heartorbit]

just how can i protect your smile?

#you guys like yaoi? can i get you some yaoi #pjsk #prsk #project sekai #proseka #tsukasa tenma #rui kamishiro #ruikasa #AUUUUUGH. #this is what finally makes me actually draw riks. vocaloid autism #putting the link in the caption because NOBODY FUCKIGN TLAKS ABOUT SCISSORHANDS EVER WHERES THE HYPE I NEED HER. SONG OF THE DECADE(2009) #this song makes me incredibly normal. my bad. i saw the miume choreography when i was like 11 and my brain shifted #i wanted their outfits to look like mikus in the mv so bad. Fuck my life for that btw stupid fuckign frill trim. why did she have to slay #tried to think of smth other than butterflies for kasa but i have no brain and tbh i hope his life is miserable so its fine #me posting this only to tmblr and not twt because i fucking hate twt #im drawing more song covers that live in my mind palace so i'll pist them there all together. and maybe here all together. who give a shit. #emnn skeleton orchestra next and it will fix me #Good lord. sorry. Im so caught up posting this for no reason. Get me out of here #im supposed to have a lecture in 3 hours but post covid symptoms say otherwise. im so fucked #i have a cyberpunk dead boy wip with them but idk i dont like posting wips on here its like an archive. n i want to actually finish it #but dear lord rendering it with their stupid outfits. clutches my chest falls to the floor. AUUUUGH #wxs killing me killing me taking damage augh auugh aughg

[uncanny-tranny]

Your fears that you don't have a body that will transition "well" are, sure, understandable, but there isn't truly such thing as a body that's unworthy of transition. Perhaps your changing body won't suit everybody's taste, but would you rather live for yourself or for the whims of random people who don't care about your happiness as long as they're attracted to what they see?

Transition is for anybody who wants it. It's okay to be fearful. It's okay to be uncertain. But it isn't the end of the world. You are in control, and if you choose to transition to any capacity, it should be at your behest. You and your body are worthy of transition. I hope you are able to seize transition and do what you truly want for yourself.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #have been seeing a small resurgence in some trans spaces that there is such thing as an 'untransitional' body #there are people out there who cannot transition for medical/financial/social reasons but that isn't what people often mean #kill the person in your head that says you need to adhere to cishet standards. it's okay to be trans and *look* it if you want #transition because it makes you feel happy or fulfilled. transition because it is something *you* want #while yes it's complex because appearing trans can be dangerous i ultimately want people to have the freedom to make decisions solely... #...on what *they* want y'know? #i have seen this idea that some people just aren't 'able' to transition because they won't 'appear cis' for years now and it's heartbreaking #like i used the whole 'i don't look cis' against myself because it's impossible for me *to be* cis... #...i will never be non-trans. i will never not be a transsexual and i used to hate that about myself... #...because i was taught that being trans is bad. i was taught that looking trans is a curse that nobody should EVER inflict upon themselves #and that the goal was to essentially distance yourself as far away from transness as you can #and it's okay for people to not want to 'look' visibly trans. it's neutral. what was harmful was the idea that TRANS was bad #there's a huge difference between 'i don't want to be visibly trans' and 'i think being trans and looking it is bad'

[average-hua-cheng-fan]

another reason i think that xie lian felt an instant connection on the ox cart is because he and hua cheng both grew up in xianle.

there are maybe 4 people still alive that grew up in that culture. based on my own experience, you can pick up on things like accent, cadence, references, and humor that suggest a person is from the same place as you without consciously noticing it. that sense of comfort and similarity probably played into their instant chemistry.

#thinking about how they are bonded together by being the only people who remember their dead culture... augh it kind of makes me want to cr #as much fighting as fengqing do they are really the only people who will EVER understand each other's childhoods #which. aughhhh #there's a lovely modern au fic by heavensturtle called ''i'm just there to admire you.'' where they talk about chinese diaspora go read it #fics that mention paradise manor being in the xianle style also make me want to bawl. especially when fxmq notice it #other people that remember xianle: qi rong. jun wu. mei nianqing. yeah. none of those people are easy to talk to #buried deep in the xianle quartets heads are things like xianxia silly bands and xianxia nickelodeon and xianxia hi chew that LITERALLY #NOBODY ELSE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD REMEMBERS. DOES THAT NOT MAKE YOU FEEL INSANE #the immortality in tgcf and how it affects memory and sense of self and relationships. ourgh #i speak #tgcf meta #tgcf #tgcf spoilers #i guess? #tian guan ci fu #tgcf books #heaven official's blessing #hob #xie lian #hua cheng #hualian #feng xin #mu qing #fengqing #xianle trio #xianle quartet

[jerswayman]

LOVE THY GOALIE. GIVE THY GOOD BOY HEAD PATS.

#bruins lb #jeremy swayman #david pastrnak #brandon carlo #pat maroon #linus ullmark #boston bruins #hockeyedit #nhledit #j made a thing #gifset series: hockey moments that make me insane #gifset series: jeremy swayman brainrot #ok now i've got the tags out of the way #i have THINGS TO SAY #SO MANY THINGS #FIRST OF ALL I'M ACTUALLY GOING OFF THE RAILS SEEING SWAY LOOKING SO HAPPY AND PROUD OF HIMSELF #like that is the most 'did i do good?' smile i've EVER SEEN #LOOK AT HIM!!! #second of all #pasta clinging to sway like a teddy bear is something that can be so so personal !!!!!!!! #THIRD OF ALL #'NOBODY WANTS TO LEAVE CARLO' BE ECHOING AROUND MY SKULL RIGHT NOW BC YES #WHO WOULDN'T WANT A HUG AND A HEAD PAT FROM THAT MAN ??????? #FOURTH OF ALL #I DEFINITELY DID NOT HAVE SWAY AND MAROON EYEFUCKING LOVINGLY ON MY 2024 PLAYOFF BINGO CARD #i'm sorry it's 4am and i'm unstable so :) #also the footage of the goalie hug wasn't great so this is all we got. there was a close up but the colouring doesn't match the other gifs #so maybe i'll gif that separately tomorrow or smth

[fear-no-mort]

favourite thing: his new habit of saying uhuh/mhm and also this

#the first time he did it in unmortricken i was like Fuck Yes and little did i know he would just keep doing it the whole time #DESPERATELY hoping they keep both of these things. i Love when characters have tiny little habits sprinkled in their actions #to me these things kinda sorta symbolise him no longer being afraid to really be himself #like he no longer has to hide certain things about himself that inside of the cfc wouldve made him appear ‘suspicious’ #since he IS like so much different than any other morty ever #also barely related but like. em is fundamentally such a good character bc everytime we see him he’s feeling something different #in his first appearance he was cold and distant because at the time he was new to being free and was strictly focused on his goal and wasn’ #even sure if it would work #in his second appearance he seemed hopeful and honest both of these things just being a trap to get the people of the citadel to trust him #and his old colder self unfurling near the end after he successfully becomes president #in his third appearance he seems giddy almost. he’s constantly giggling before and after sentences and he’s super eager to just Get The Hel #Out. and also to reveal the truth to morty prime. make it so that he doesn’t have to be the one to shoulder everything anymore. #and this fourth appearance. apart from a few little details he really just seems happy and comfortable. the entire episode he was just doin #whatever he wanted and nobody got in his way at all. and i could not be happier #normal about this character! #rick and morty #evil morty #rick and morty spoilers #odiespeak

[foursaints]

your bcj posts are keeping my head above water i love that feral little man with every bone in my body and you always describe him and depict him exactly how he sits in my brain 10/10 the world is better for it

anon you’re so iconic and FOR YOU i offer the previously unreleased part 1 of tinder au…. barty’s entire profile is like horrifically awful thirst traps but reg still swiped so?? who’s really at fault here??

#this has to be one of the stupidest things i’ve ever drawn in my life NOBODY LOOK AT ME #a #foursaints art tag #i know it’s messy i just didn’t want to commit more time to *gestures* whatever this is #bartylus #barty crouch jr

[tenojan-in-tevinter]

Honestly there's no one I'd rather be on a forced saving-the-world road trip with than the origins gang. Sorry kotor companions sorry bg3 companions but no one does it like the origins gang. They are a family they are insane they are not to be fucked with they never would have been friends if they were given a choice in the matter. The perfect road trip squad.

They consist of the best dog in thedas, the worlds most royal himbo, a demi-god shapeshifting witch, a bisexual assassin nun, a bisexual assassin orphan, a powerful spell-slinging grandma living on borrowed time (who is bffs with a spirit), a giant spy man who doesn't know how to function by himself, the worlds grossest dwarf, and a giant statue that has a life goal to kill all birds.

#dragon age #dragon age origins #barkspawn #alistair theirin #morrigan #leliana #zevran arainai #wynne dragon age #sten #oghren #shale #i just want to travel with them ok #i realize none of what I said about their dynamic is something kotor/bg3 companions lack #there's just something about the origins group that makes them especially compelling to me #maybe it's the setting idk #the fact everything around them is dreary and grey #they're like all just trying to hard to simply eek by #and if none of them ever met each other they'd all still be nobodies #and they hate each other and they need each other and they love each other

[black-and-yellow]

#Saw a man bite straight through a chicken bone on YouTube. #I was gripped. In awe. #A jaw strength rivaled only by - I thought to myself - Present Mic #can't even remember how I got onto the video but it's stuck with me ever since #he had a captivating positive vibe. I would enjoy a meal with him. The chicken looked a little underdone though #bnha #mha #shouta aizawa #hizashi yamada #present mic #bnha comic #not even technically a comic this bad boy is two slides #always thinking about the rooftop gang naming Sushi like 'whats everyones favourite food?' #and Yamada says 'fried chicken' like that would be the best name for a cat- actually. you know what. that is a pretty good name for a cat #Might call my next tarantula Fried Chicken. Who knows? #Edited the last panel to take out the speech bubble cause it looked like I was implying it was weird to eat bone marrow #But I meant the entire bone itself like the crunchy bit #But apparently they do that in some places so I thought that it might come across as a bit insensitive and I didnt wanna get cancelled. #eat bones if you want I would love to eat bones but I'm a coward #It's not really a thing in the UK I don't think. I've never seen anyone do it. I guess we just produce a lot of food waste. #so nobody was going to tell me you could eat bones? I just had to find out myself on Youtube?

[andromeda3116]

look, i know everyone said that the new interview with the vampire show was incredible but holy shit i was not prepared for how incredible this show is

like, not only is louis interesting now, he is incredibly compelling! his once-bland internal dilemma is now given actual weight because it's not just the same old Thou Shalt Not Kill But I Am Hungry story, it's tempered through his righteous fury at how black people have been treated all these years, how many people have wronged him and laughed and expected him to laugh along, how his ties to the community that once saved him are now turning to nooses around his throat, how his family that he once provided for and relied on have now come to fear him

that, combined with his explicit homosexuality, and with lestat being the only one who seemed to accept him and love him for all that he is, and how that is both comforting and incredibly toxic and combined with sam reid's insane charisma and mania and gravity as lestat that make it completely understandable why louis would still be drawn to him in spite of everything

and how they've used the changes from the original to this one to examine how memory shifts regarding someone who was so intense and formative in your life even if they were ultimately so controlling and abusive but still left such huge gouges in your personality like knives

like

fuck

this is the best-written show i have seen in a long time like this is top-tier writing holy shit

#interview with the vampire #iatw #i kept thinking ''eh idk if this is for me'' but now i'm just. frothing at the mouth over the quality and the nuance of the writing #and the incredible acting and the shifting timelines and the nods to the original not as easter eggs but integral parts of characterization #i mean. mind blown #at the sheer level of writing going on here like holy shit this deserves so many awards #FUCK AND CLAUDIA IS JUST #FUCK #like if i had to pick the ''worst time to be made immortal'' it would undoubtedly be 14 #i mean kirsten dunst being 10 is definitely awful but 14 would be so much worse #because you are on the very *cusp* of adulthood #and to be denied ever reaching that adulthood would be an unspeakable torture #like you're just old enough to *know* but just too young to really *experience* #and you're at the very peak of being Your Worst You #like 14 is undoubtedly the worst time to be made immortal #literally nobody would ever even remotely want to be 14 forever that's everyone's idea of hell

[swampthingking]

andrew’s definitely gotten in trouble with his pr manager for tweeting things along the lines of:

“no mania inducing medication will compare to the euphoria i will feel the day donald trump drops dead”

#pr manager is like: andrew… this is the last time i’m gonna tell you #andrew: whats the point of democracy if i can’t exercise freedom of speech #pr manager: andrew it’s no longer about your image #at this point we are concerned the fbi is going to show up #andrew: neil has connections. i’m fine #they thought marketing andrew on social media would be good #they were sooooo wrong #because now andrew has a place to share every insane thing he’s ever thought #for instance—a tweet that just says ‘an alien googling: human clothes’ #he’s on there advocating for lgbtq+ youth you KNOW HE IS #he’s cursing and mildly threatening members of congress for imposing these disgusting bills #one day he tweeted ‘does mitch mcconnell know he’s dead yet’ #when mitch mcconnell stepped down from senate andrew tweeted ‘hopefully next he steps down from life’ #unsurprisingly: this endears him to some people and makes others fucking hate him #and he’s such a shit. he does not care either way #he’s kind of just like: pr manager. you gave me a twitter and told me to tweet. i’m just doing what you asked me #they’ve threatened to change his password so many times #they actually did once but andrew reported the account so many times for defamation and fraud that it got suspended #and he made a new account out of pure spite #his pr manager is like: andrew nobody is going to want to sign you because of your public image #and andrew is like: ?? ok. they can lose every game then #(he knows he’s the best goalie) #ok i think that’s enough for now. however i will probably be back #andrew minyard #aftg #tfc #trk #tkm #the foxhole court #all for the game

[sualne]

orange and blue guys

#one piece #monkey d luffy #trafalgar law #my art #described in alt text #ive been busy then tired then busy n tired so ive been doodling mindlessly while i get some energy back to draw properly the papacroc au. #somehow. i ended up drawing(sketching really) a 8 pages lawlu comic. drawn in my 'nobody shall ever read this' style (aka: badly.) but i do #want to show some of it. not all of it. cause its got an embarrassingly earnest convo happening in it. so maybe i'll just show the kissing #page because thats much less personal djkfdjf. i should draw more stuff like that tbh. didnt expect op to be the manga that gets me to draw #fellas being tender n silly which each other but alright. i want to go back to the croco au tho. fist at cloud: energy come back to meeee

[heartorbit]

creatures

#project sekai #pjsk #prsk #emu otori #nene kusanagi #tsukasa tenma #queuing this for like 6 in the morning dont let me fool you into thinking i woke up this early #im sorry posting at like 7pm feels so wrong. people are up at 7pm. dont like that #'why didnt you draw rui' Well why is rui so hard to draw. Anybody ever think of that. #I still havent finished that wxs nene gaming art i used as an example in my comms sheetbc i dont wanna have to render rui #Yes wxs are all my favorites. Yes that includes rui. Yes im tiering 3k in his event rn. No i wont figure out his hair #get that glowstick of a woman out of my face. He needs to het an alt hairstyle i cna draw. #sorry what was i tagging again. um. Whatever aHiiiii #WAIT #emukasa #YAAAAY #im a polyshower but theyre the only ones i drew together so enjoy yuri #i found a cute blog theme that also hides tags under a hover so i can say as much as i want and nobody can be annoyed #If you choose to look at my dastardly tags after i hid them away thats on you

[aroaceleovaldez]

Something something Jason feeling like he doesn't quite fit as "Greek" or "Roman" as a metaphor for bisexuality, particularly the semi-canonical bi-coding in his half of experiences during the Cupid scene and how Favonius and Cupid speak to him in parallel to the scenes confirming Nico is gay.

Something something the camps as metaphors for traditionally acceptable forms of relationships and Nico living as a rogue outside of them, rejecting expectation (ergo in himself representing a metaphor of queer identity and living outside of boxes and defined/usually hetero-allonormative/binary ideas of what love/relationships should look like) versus Jason struggling with the expectation to conform to a label and even discussing with Nico both of them remaining at CHB together.

Something something the inverse of Jason shifting away from the camps after he breaks up with Piper, feeling lost and unable to find a place between the camps as he begins to explore his queer identity properly for the first time versus Nico only remaining at CHB because he has entered a relationship. In this essay I will-

#pjo #riordanverse #jason grace #nico di angelo #analysis #i know ive semi-rambled about this before here #but i was thinking about it on the discord the other day #for those in the discord forgive it being mostly copy/pasted from my rambling lol #i say ''semi-canonical bi-coding'' re: the Cupid Scene because. well. it's in the text! it's pretty overt! #which means it's pretty canon but nobody ever really discusses it and Rick has never acknowledged it #but also he never acknowledged Reyna's aspec-coding until a rare instance of him responding to q's on twitter #(that chain was also specifically sparked by me in that instance - due to him replying to my open letter about aspec coding in the series #- which i still find amusing cause it is SO obvious he didnt read it) #and he only like once acknowledged his mostly unintentional aspec-coding of the Hunt on goodreads #and very frequently goes ''death of the author - whatever i say outside the books is irrelevant and doesnt matter. read it how you want.'' #''if you can get it out of the text then there's your canon.'' which i respect. reject ''word of god'' canon embrace analysis

[p4nishers]

i need s3 to start with crowley throwing up into a dumpster then sliding down the wall and crying hysterically which cuts to aziraphale doing nothing but spying on him with his little gay ass telescope exactly like this

#michael or someone: good morning supreme archangel aziraphale #aziraphale having watched crowley going thru the trouble to buy himself crepes cause feelings™ then dropping them and sliding to the floor #into the puddle of his tears: no it isn't #i just rewatched ofmd and i also have Feelings™ #i love crowley i want her to be more miserable than ever and for aziraphale to come crawling on his hand and knees begging to be taken back #bc heaven made him change his autism clothes and nobody will tell him what a good job he's doing and oh crowley its just terrible TERRIBLE #they didn't let me bring crepes up please take me back dear and all that #good omens #azicrow #good omens s2 #go s2 #good omens season 2 #aziracrow #ineffable spouses #aziraphale x crowley #aziraphale #crowley #ofmd