#and it’s exactly one year since [redacted] tore my heart to shreds and i went to be with them bc ‘he’s having a hard time’

[lavender-femme]

don’t call don’t text don’t read the tags if you don’t wanna see my sad thoughts

#i am feeling so sad and undesirable and unloved and i just hate it here #i had to go to my uncles birthday dinner tonight and i am just always so fucking out of place with my family #and it’s exactly one year since [redacted] tore my heart to shreds and i went to be with them bc ‘he’s having a hard time’ #like hey I’m having a hard time too but I’m here to support him can he at least not say two slurs in a row while sitting next to me? #and ugh. it’s just been a fucking YEAR. #a year since I thought someone actually wanted me. #and it’s not fucking pretty but I’m so sad and feel so unwanted and unloved and just undesirable #it’s stupid and pathetic and if you’re reading these please don’t judge me but #I’m almost thinking like god how could anyone want me? #I’m always the last choice I’m always the one who gets left behind I’m always the one fighting to continue on #and nobody ever wants me #it fucking hurts #it makes me feel like nobody sees me #i want nothing more than to be held and loved and never have to doubt that #and yet here I am feeling like it’ll never happen #like nobody will ever be willing to sit with me through the not so pretty parts of who I am in order to celebrate the ones that are #when will someone finally see me for all that i am and still love me and want me #i just have so much love to give #and i need so much in return #i’m talking #broken petals