#and my longest one was genuinely scarring | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr has 411 employees.

#and my longest one was genuinely scarring

jheselbraum · 2 days

Text

It's 2024 and some of y'all are still whining about Katara being "mean" to Zuko after he joined the party like he didn't directly betray her trust and almost caused her to waste the spirit water on him instead of saving it for Aang which-- while definitely not intentional on Zuko's part since 1) Zuko didn't know that Azula was going to shoot Aang with lightning and 2) He didn't offer or expect the spirit water to be able to heal his scar-- from Katara's perspective the last time she trusted Zuko the Avatar cycle almost fucking ended. Of fucking course it's going to take her the longest to trust him again, she's right! She was the first person to trust him, and he burned that bridge!

Everyone's field trips with Zuko make the most sense for both how they happen and when they happen. Toph trusts Zuko the quickest because she can literally tell when people are lying and is also good friends with Iroh, who's like, the number one "Zuko's not evil he's just in turmoil" guy. Aang trusts Zuko next because he's a fucking air nomad pacifist who is culturally predisposed to the virtue of forgiveness. Sokka trusts Zuko after an intense and prolonged mission to rescue some POWs because Sokka is a warrior at heart and while he like Toph sees the strategic value in Aang having a firebending teacher (eventually), he needs to know how Zuko behaves while on their side before he can trust him. Like-- the change in dynamic between the air temple, when Sokka and Zuko aren't on mission and Zuko is kind of the one "in charge," he has the information Sokka wants but Zuko is the one who hesitates to give it freely and Zuko is the one who dictates how Sokka leaves the temple for the boiling rock, to when they actually get there and Zuko follows Sokka's lead and Sokka is the one calling the shots and coming up with the plans really emphasizes how Zuko works in team setting when it counts.

And Katara's field trip with Zuko has to be her revenge quest, and how Zuko acts during that quest really tells us a lot about what Zuko wants personally from that field trip which is the same thing that he wanted from the others-- jack shit.

Zuko asks Sokka about his mother's death because he wants to better understand where Katara's coming from, and from where I'm standing it's pretty obvious that he only realizes "hey hang on my years at the Fire Nation School For Little Princes might come in handy actually" and tells Katara what he now knows about the raid and who did it.

And throughout the entire episode Zuko is 110% on board with whatever Katara wants to do with that information. If she'd said at the tent "Thanks but the only revenge I want is helping Aang defeat the firelord and ending the war" then he would've just been like "ok"

Zuko makes no judgement call on Katara's use of bloodbending and he makes no judgement call on Katara's decision to spare Yon Ra and every move he makes in that episode is Zuko saying "You're right, I fucked up, and I understand where you're coming from" every move he makes is in support of Katara, she is the one in control in the situation and I think that's why Zuko brushes off Aang's call to pacifism earlier in the episode, because pacifism isn't what Katara wants in that moment.

Like that whole sequence comes from such a genuine place of caring and support from Zuko for Katara and I think the interpretation that Katara is just being Mean to Zuko for No Good Reason really cheapens one of the best episodes in the series as well as the episodes leading up to it.

#atla #the southern raiders #zuko #katara #look man the team they sent to go take on fucking AZULA was zuko and katara #it's 2024 give my girl her fucking dues

55 notes · View notes

bellshazes · 1 year

Text

been thinking a lot about people's varied reactions to the chaos & perceived inconsistencies around the rules of limited life and because i taught games professionally for a decade and have done a lot of reading on games academically, I have a few propositions for the fandom to consider.

proposition one: Your interpretation of gameplay events is not the same as a monolithic "the narrative" to which all players are equally subject.

Narrative is not what happened, but the interpretation and meaning attached to the events that occurred. Narrative is when we "give experience a form and a meaning." (Harris-Miller)

This construction of narrative - giving meaning to experiences - can occur in the way a video is cut an edited, as well as in the audience's interpretation after the video is released.

Social play is player interaction, both in the derived from the structure and rules of the game (being "It" in tag) as well as the social roles brought from outside the game. (1)

In transformative social play, players use the game context to transform social relationships.

Most players in the life game are more concerned with narrative as it relates to transformative social play - such as, what does this event mean for me, my alliances, my enemies, and the shifting of roles along that spectrum?

Narrative within the game is dynamic and always changing in response to ongoing events and shifting relationships. Viewers' narratives about the games are more static since they exist outside the game context and are not a part of ongoing social play.

Letting go of a single unified "narrative" lets us think about the differences, tensions, and resonances between players' in-game construction of narrative, the narrative constructed by the player's video edit, and the retrospective audience construction of narrative. (*)

proposition two: Fairness is decided by the players, not the rules.

Playing a game requires trust and safety with the other players. (DeKoven) Even in tic-tac-toe you have to trust that your opponent will take reasonable amounts of time per turn before you sit down to play.

We can distinguish between ideal rules (rules as writ, such as a physical rulebook) and the real rules (the general consensus on what playing the game should look like). (2)

Real rules can include how sportsmanlike behavior is defined, and when "breaking" a rule doesn't count; a common example is forgiving a player who genuinely made a mistake on accident and did not intend to "break" the rules.

The real rules are what actually matter in developed gameplay, and they can be negotiated and constructed inside the game as new events, situations, and dynamics occur. (3)

Brushing past Scar's "illegal" kill on greens is not him getting away with breaking the rules, it's the group coming to a consensus on the real rules of the game. Cleo asking Impulse if her kill on him can count and him finally agreeing is not the breaking of (ideal) rules so much as it is defining the real rules.

proposition: Players' own individual motivations and definitions of sportsmanship or interesting play inform their contribution to the general consensus on real rules and leading them to play "imperfectly" in favor of having more fun or staying true to something.

Purely optimal play is boring to the players and viewers, and taken to an extreme allowed by the ideal rules, would violate the real rules implicitly agreed to by the players.

"Optimal" gameplay in the life series could look like hiding in a hole underground for the entire game if the end goal is to survive the longest, but that would make a boring video and would likely be considered supremely unsportsmanlike by other players and their audiences.

Playing perfectly optimally is one motive to play a game, but is basically never the sole motivator if it's one at all.

Even if everyone in the life series has a goal to "keep playing the game as long as possible," that could mean being focused on winning, or being focused on making allies or not making enemies, or it could compel you to give up your life for someone else who's running out of time because to you to play the game is to play together. (4)

Scar is a perfect example of someone who consistently chooses "non-optimal" goals such as always having the enchanter and goes to great and stupid lengths to achieve it even if it means sacrificing winning.

This "non-optimal" play provides something for other players to play off of and react to, often leading to transformative social play, significantly meaningful narrative, or interesting negotiations of real rules. (5)

synthesis: The most interesting narratives are born out of situations where players negotiate the real rules, not ones where the (ideal) rules are broken.

The life series is inherently highly experimental - even as more seasons build on the experiences of prior ones, the constant addition of new mechanics mean the game is more or less always being playtested rather than simply played.

The "rule" against carrying Third Life into Last Life failed because it is basically impossible to eliminate the out-of-game contributions to social play, especially in a social deduction game where knowledge of other players' habits and behaviors is useful metagame (6) currency that can't be un-learned.

Some of the series' most iconic narrative moments - the end of 3L or DL, he loves me, etc. are born out of the tension between ideal and real rules, where players are forced to take a stand or advocate for something opposed to the "ideal" rules such as allying with reds, sticking with your soulmate, or that there can only be one winner. (7)

I'm offering the above as a way of showing that I think these imperfections and changes between seasons are actually the coolest thing about them and have the potential for transformative fan works in addition to transformative play.

if limited life's copious tnt minecarts via skynet and highly-manual, inconsisent giving and taking of time for kills which may or may not be deserved according to strict interpretations of the rules as stated aren't to your taste, that's just how it is sometimes! It's understandable to not enjoy ideal rules that are loosely defined or interpreted or are imperfectly implemented from a mechanics perspective, but understanding that the players of the actual game did agree and consent and get to negotiate the consequences and meaning of these imperfections is not some unfortunate side-effect but in fact an important part of any gameplay.

The various types of narratives and the various motives for playing mean there can't be a single unified narrative for all players - but thinking about these things in terms of tensions and synergies opens doors for talking about the many narratives and the relationships between them. you can hold multiple seemingly-conflicting narratives as a viewer and put them in dialogue and produce new meaningful narratives in their contradictions or overlap! go forth and embrace the chaos and tension between the chains of context that produce meaning and the freedom to look at that complex web and derive fuller meanings from it!

because this post isn't long enough, more citations and examples from the series below the cut:

Some footnotes:

(1) Social roles within the game are more artificial than the ones that exist outside of it. That doesn't make them less meaningful, but when we consider the consequences of breaking a social role defined by the game compared to a real-world breaking of a promise or law, it's hard to forget the artificiality of the game. The consequences are relatively minor; the morality of betrayal, for instance, during a game can be acceptable because of that artificiality where it would be reprehensible in real life.

(2) A few different ways to think about game rules that are not mutually exclusive but complementary to each other:

Three layers of game rules: the underlying constituative rules of a game, the operational rules that directly guide player action, and the implicit rules of proper game behavior, such as etiquette.

Piaget's developmental stages from the Moral Development of Children are useful background here: the first stage is loose play without rules, second is strict adherence to ideal rules, and the final adult-leaning stage is the understanding that the real rules are what matter. You could call putting ideal rules over the real ones juvenile.

"Ideal rules refer to the "official" regulations of a game, the rules written in a player's guide to Zelda or printed on the inside cover of a game of Candyland. Real rules, on the other hand, are the codes and conventions held by a play community. Real rules are a consensus of how the game ought to be played." (Rules of Play)

(3) "It is not that the basic rules of the game undergo a radical change; rather, they are experienced within a social context that decreases their value in favor of a socially-biased ruleset over which players have more control."

(4) I'm thinking of Bdubs in Limited Life session 7 here, since he gives time and stays alive, but if you take this concept a little further and more broadly you just get players like Skizz.

(5) Metagaming, defined broadly for my purposes as the larger social context of the game and not just the pejorative, could be its own too-long post, but I think it's worth mentioning as an avenue for thinking about the complex dynamics of the life series as social play. For example, Etho consistently is thinking from a metagame perspective, from stalling by accusing Cleo of metagaming or remarking that Scar's lost the dramatic moment so he can't attack now in Last Life, or threatening to break roleplay in Limited Life when he's mad at Scar.

(6) From Rules of Play: "Sutton-Smith's model for player roles includes an actor, a counteractor, and an overall "motive" or format for play. For example, if the motive is capture, the actor's role is to take, while the role of the counteractor is to avoid being taken. [...] In Sutton-Smith's model, the roles of actor and counteractor are both equally important in constructing the experience of play." I don't think this model is sufficient on its own, but it's a worthwhile point that conflict is part of the game and is in fact desirable within certain bounds.

(7) Scott in LL is really interesting narratively because his motivation is at odds with what the game asks him to do: he is extremely true to his word and chooses to take the penalty of being knocked down to red rather than trying to kill someone and making an enemy of them and/or failing and dying anyway. He's not breaking any rules, but his choosing to experience consequences because of his own motivation and social relationships is compelling. It pays off when he wins, and it pays off again when Cleo can't bear to kill him in DL - the metagame element of past social play relationships and player knowledge of other players contributing to the current dynamics of social play.

ETA: An important point I also wanted to make but didn't have space for up top is that Jimmy being a "canary in a coal mine" as a result of always dying first is not some immutable truth about fate that actually influences his games, but if you can accept that it's not actually fated then you can start to think about and react to the way that the in-game players construct narratives in response to the actual events of him always permadying first. Joel's futile attempts to prevent this are a product of previous seasons' social play, the transformative current social dynamics, and his own player narrative (again, narrative as meaning giving form to experiences).

Also, I strongly disliked DL's premise and thought the best parts were the chosen soulmates precisely because I think predestination is best left to Calvinists and choice, especially in opposition to prescribed rules or narratives, is the most interesting thing in the world. Of course Etho and Bdubs in Last Life is what hooked me and I am also smug that the players tend to refer to the series as "last life" even if 3L came first and it's been two whole seasons since then.

(*) On meanings:

I think that meaning is necessarily the complex web of relationships between any given things, and there is no objective meaning to anything. Words and events have no meanings outside of our interpretations of and dialogue about them - this is not nihilism, but a beautiful gift of communicating with other people. A real deep dive into semiotics is beyond the scope of this post and also my own abilities, but it informs this view. I don't think you have to read academically to know it; you can find the proof in arguments about whether a pop tart is ravioli. A stupid argument, but one that is negotiating the boundaries of words' meanings by drawing on the words' relationships to other words and the things those words represent. It's the act of making meaning, not uncovering it. So too is watching the life series and arguing about or making arguments for a certain narrative angle or emphasizing a detail etc. - I just think it's a loss not to celebrate the complex web that tugs in many different directions with many different motives. It's less simple, but much richer.

#traffic smp #limited life #mc meta #long post #peter writes #il n'ya pas de hors-texte. you got it????#i dont know if this kind of post is appealing to anyone i want to convince. but pspspspssss #what you may currently perceive as limiting is actually hiding boundless potential. pspspssspspssssssss #i hope the bullet points make it easier to read but this is such a long post.

437 notes · View notes

hajihiko · 10 months

Note

Any fuyuhiko headcanons?

-he mentions fishing with his dad, so I imagine in their future lives he does a lot of the fishing

-still can't decide if I think he's gay or not, on one hand I think it really fits into his theme on the other I think him being into Women Who Can Kick His Ass is also very on-brand

-either way, the moment he realized he was into dudes he crumpled that thought up and locked it down. He's already small, feminine, and "too soft", he can't afford to be a mlm on top of it all (his own thoughts)

-the pain tolerance thing is something he had to train. Like through exposure.

-that said? Bit of a masochist

-this man CANNOT cook

-gold tooth in there somewhere

-sunburns very easily

-good at braids, he did them for peko (because when she braided herself she made them SO tight it hurt) and natsumi on occasion

-hes raised in a traditional way so he might have some archaic beliefs he hasn't had a chance to challenge in the game

-i feel like we don't talk enough about the fact that his parents almost killed him more than once. How?? Why?? On purpose or accident??? Hc that he tried to get in between his parents fighting only once or twice and leared not to do that again because they're not above going through him when they're angry enough.

-"that scar? Uh I think that's from when my mom stabbed me" (cue appalled reactions from everyone but Akane who has a weird baseline for how adults treat kids, she's mad but not surprised)

-tattoos he gets post-wakeup are personal and often reference the people he cares about

-sometimes he says horrible things in anger. It's mostly stuff he learned from his surroundings but it's still something he really needs to work on.

-hes team Touch Averse and Touch Starved at the same time (shared by: Gundham, Hiyoko, Impostor, Peko)

-dainty little hands but the knuckles have been split open and scarred over multiple times

-he knows how to wrap gauze and load a gun and pull teeth but not laundry or common medicine stuff. Like he's kinda helpless in a normal domestic setting. He genuinely didn't know what the laundry labels on clothes were for.

-He didn't realize he was lactose intolerant for the longest time and just thought milk was one of those things that make you feel shitty

-he hates alcohol so much largely because he was raised with the belief that Real Men only drink man drinks, like whiskey and beer (his father made him try it). An occasional sweet cocktail with a little umbrella in a cute glass? He'll sip the fuck out of that fuggetaboutit

#not an art #Talky Talky #Thassit for now I can go on forever about my shitty boy

219 notes · View notes

tenderheartedtheodore · 1 year

Text

random bnha headcanons because theres worms in my brain. (more under the cut)

- Kaminari, Midoriya, Kirishima, Sero and Hagakure have ADHD

- Kirishima is a gay transman (started transitioning in middle school)

- Midnight is a wlw transwoman

- Shirakumo was pansexual and used he/they pronouns

- Kaminari has lightning scars and does his best to hide them (they're mostly in his back, chest and arms)

- Bakugou genuinely has anger issues and is in the process of getting diagnosed

- Ojiro, Yaoyorozu and Hagakure have body dysmorphia

- Jirou, Bakugou and Present Mic are all either HoH or fully deaf (i.e.: Present Mic has hearing aids and Bakugou needs them as well)

- Uraraka has an anxiety disorder (GAD, likely)

- Iida has restless leg syndrome

- Kaminari gets seizures when he overuses his quirk

- Shinsou, Uraraka, Jirou and Kaminari deal with migraines often

- Shoji and Midoriya have chronic pains

- Mineta got fucking expelled.

- he got his ass beat by like half of the class for the shit he was doing to the girls and some crap he said to Kirishima (who's openly trans)

- Asui, Iida, Midoriya, Bakugou, Todoroki, Shinsou and Yaoyorozu are autistic

- Aoyama is gay and under the nonbinary umbrella

- Bakugou and Midoriya are also transmasc

- Midoriya's first binder was a birthday gift from the Bakugous (Bakugou half-jokingly wanted to make matching All Might binders for them)

- Tokoyami, Bakugou, Jirou, Todoroki and Shinsou often hang out together (either going to Hot Topic or just listening to music)

- the band/Jirousquad play whenever they have free time

- Satou stress bakes (Aizawa has walked in on him baking cakes at 2am several times)

- "... hey Mr Aizawa. Red velvet?" *deep sigh*

- most of the class has nightmares often and it's not new when they're awoken by or run into each other in the middle of the night

- Tokoyami having a nightmare, waking up with a scared Dark Shadow and then deciding to watch TV in the common room VS Asui curled up with a couple blankets on the couch because she also had a nightmare

- Jirou being hyperaware of her classmates' shallow breaths and shakes, feeling bad for not knowing what to do

- Bakugou wakes up the entire dorm by accident because he caused an explosion while waking up from a nightmare

- Koji uses sign language most the time and is semi verbal (autism and anxiety)

- Mirko is a lesbian

- Mr Compress is mlm

- Shinsou goes to sleep at 5am while Midoriya wakes up at 5am

- Shinsou, Kaminari, Tokoyami, Uraraka and Yaoyorozu are insomniacs

- Magne was like a big sister to Dabi (and he misses her. it was nice to know what it would've felt like to be the little sibling.)

- Bakugou is (stubbornly) teaching himself sign language

- Midoriya, Present Mic, Aizawa also know sign language (the Bakusquad are getting lessons from Midoriya)

- Monoma is on the aromantic spectrum

- Midoriya uses wrist braces and needs a cane (All Might and Recovery Girl are trying to get him to)

- Bakugou also needs wrist braces but refuses to get them

- Iida, Todoroki, Yaoyorozu and Bakugou are "Rich Kids With Family Issues" solidarity

- Natsuo used to the dye bits of red in his hair, but as he grew older, the red stopped growing

- it reminded him of Touya and he couldn't look in the mirror for the longest time

- Sero dislocates his shoulders often

- class 1a are banned from playing dodgeball (Recovery Girl had a really busy day the one time they played it)

- Todoroki and Yaoyorozu are gay-lesbian solidarity

- Kirishima, Uraraka, Tetsutetsu and Bakugou are gym buddies

- Midoriya learned English because of All Might

- Bakugou, Jirou, Kaminari and Shinsou are also fluent in English

- Midnight talked to Ashido, Yaoyorozu and Hagakure about their hero costumes and if they were truly comfortable wearing them; they ended up getting they fixed

- Shinsou sometimes uses his quirk to brainwash his classmates into doing self care

- "What're you doing, Sero?" "Oh, not much, just-" "Go drink water."

- Monoma, Midoriya, Kirishima, Denki and Bakugou have imposter syndrome

- if Yaoyorozu is caught off guard, she creates tiny figurines by accident

- Aizawa has had to catch Uraraka with his capture weapon a few times due to her sleep floating

- Shiozaki has extreme religious guilt

- Present Mic does his hair up while in his hero costume out of spite because high school kids used to make fun of Aizawa's hair when he used his quirk

- Kendo is bisexual

- she/they Fuyumi. you agree. reblog

- class 1a has sleepovers sometimes; blanket forts, movies, snacks, everything!

- (Aizawa knows and allows it every time. they deserve and need to be kids)

- sometimes they invite class 1b as well

- Monoma, Shinsou and Midoriya get along well to everyone's surprise

- Kirishima once ran into Dabi while buying hairdye but it was his day off and it looked like it was Dabi's day off too so he just pretended he never saw him grab a box of jetblack hairdye, shove it in his hoodie pocket and leave

- for the sake of his own sanity

- Hagakure can 'turn her quirk off' but only does so when she feels completely safe and comfortable, or when she's totally worn out

- when she did it for the first time around the rest od the class everyone was shocked

- "... is something wr-" "YOU'RE SO PRETTY???,?"

- Ashido, Uraraka and Kaminari hold Shoji's hands while crossing the street (mostly for fun, but he doesn't mind)

- Kaminari absent mindedly braided the hair on Ojiro's tail one day and he just let him

- Koji's bunny is an emotional support animal named Cotton

- Shigaraki decays door handles on purpose just to mess with the rest of the LOV

- he gets bored, okay?

- Aizawa teaches Eri sign language as a surprise for Mic (as well just so Eri has a way to communicate when she doesn't feel comfortable talking)

- Uraraka makes a casual comment about not having enough money to buy something for herself or her parents and Iida, Todoroki, Yaoyorozu and Bakugou hand her their credit cards like its nothing

- she is startled by that Every Time without fail

- Twice and Toga paint each other's nails

- Mr Compress lets Twice borrow his masks sometimes

- Himiko is a vegetarian, funnily enough

- Mt. Lady has chronic pains and stretch marks

- Bakugou has scars and burns from his own explosions (he wasn't born with perfect control over his quirk, and sometimes he takes his anger out on himself)

- Fuyumi and Natsuo's quirks are extremely powerful ice quirks, but Endeavor never bothered to train them and never let Rei teach them how to control their quirks

- while Fuyumi has Frost, Natsuo's quirk is called Subzero; he can lower his body temperature dangerously low and when he does so, whatever he touches freezes

- if he's emotional or focused enough, he can create icicles and wield them

- Todoroki considered dying his hair several times (black was on top of the list but after Dabi revealed he was Touya, he decided against it)

- the LOV took turns helping Dabi dye his hair

- Kurogiri helped Dabi with his staples (the only other person willing to do that was Himiko but everyone agreed it was a bad ideia)

- Spinner sticks around Dabi during winter because he's a human heater

- no one in the LOV liked Overhaul

- like, killing Magne was bad enough. but straight up child abuse? come on

- they know what it's like to be a kid and to be scared and hurt and they don't want that

- Himiko has nervous tics

- Hatsume is autistic and will infodump about her babies to anyone that will listen

- she and Midoriya infodump to each other

- sometimes, Kurogiri's gaze lingers on the morning sky. he finds clouds strangely amusing for some reason

- Aizawa and Present Mic have been together since they were 17 and have been married for nearly six years (they wear their rings on necklaces underneath their clothes)

- they officially adopted Eri first, then Shinsou

- (It's Free Real State Children)

- "I'm having another kid." "That's great, sensei-" "it's you. Mic and I have the papers already."

- Bakugou, Iida and Yaoyorozu tutor the class before tests

- Kaminari has dyscalculia and dyslexia

- Satou always has snacks on him (especially ones the made himself)

- he keeps an eye on Yaoyorozu and makes sure to give her something if he notices she's looking particularly pale

- most if not the whole class 1a has PTSD (this doesn't shock anyone. Aizawa is desperately trying to get them to talk to Hound Dog sometime)

- Aizawa needs reading glasses and refuses to wear them

- Aizawa and Present Mic & Midnight share custody of Sushi unironically (the cat Shirakumo rescued)

- Aizawa and Mic own other cats (Mochi and Tessie) (it's short for Tshirt, Mic thought it was funny)

- Iida and Yaoyorozu were at Aizawa and Mic's wedding due to their family status, everyone else was clueless to their marriage

- no one was aware they adopted Eri and Shinsou though

- like yeah Aizawa-sensei's taking care of Eri, BUT ADOPTION??

- "oh, Shinsou's in our class- HITOSHI AIZAWA-YAMADA?"

- Aizawa may have only two (2) legal children but by god does he love his other nineteen little bastards.

- Iida made a groupchat for class 1a for "school purposes" but it quickly descended into madness and he gave up

- the gc is now named something incoherent and incomprehensible and there's like seven other chats for different purposes (such as "dekusquad", "bakusquad", "the band" and "is this fucked up or are all parents like this?")

- Iida and Yaoyorozu keep note of everyone's allergies

- so does Aizawa

- Yaoyorozu has a bad relationship with food and often has trouble using her quirk due to it

- Tetsutetsu is a stealth transman (only Kirishima is vaguely aware)

- Kuroiro was extremely afraid of the dark as a child

- Ashido gets acid burns often (they're not too bad and mostly in her hands, but if it's a particularly bad day, she gets burns in her face)

- Kirishima has trouble walking/moving in general when he overuses his quirk

- Present Mic is mlm

- Aizawa is a gay transman

- Jirou and Kaminari are both bisexual

480 notes · View notes

isa-ghost · 1 month

Note

was reading through your q!phil hc masterpost and was wondering if you could add any of your codebreakers/etoilza headcanons into the fray…? :3

YESSSS I CAN'T BELIEVE IT TOOK THIS LONG TO GET ASKED /LH

qPhil headcanons masterlist

RESTATES for my and your convenience (heads up, there are suggestive/mildly explicit mentions!!):

--He's FWB with Etoiles. Extremely QPR, Etoiles is an aro king --He and Phil started out as friends and that has Barely changed if at all, but sparring matches get a little too homoerotic sometimes and neither of them can resist the other when they're popping off extra hard. Things have. Escalated a few times. If yknow what I mean. Of all Phil's harem members polycule partners, he & Etoiles have absolutely ZERO emotional investment in the Spicy(tm) things they do together. It's simply a very intimate way of showing each other their respect & admiration for the other. What they have going on is a "*spanks you* good game, let's hit the showers team" kinda deal. They're the type of mfs to finish in bed then shake hands like "gg." Casual sex is >>>> to these two, but it happens waaay less between them than it did Phil & Fit, Fitza was habitual (pre-Pac). Codebreakers is a once in a while thing --Etoiles has 100% asked Phil who fucks the best out of the polycule bc like everything else, it's a competition & he Must win, he Must have the best dick game. This amuses Phil very much --Phil is attracted to Etoiles the same way he's attracted to Fit, HOWEVER, the reasoning is different. Etoiles has raw skill and talent, but it's the way he wields it and demonstrates it that makes Phil wanna act up. Also Etoiles is fucking hilarious. Who can resist a good sense of humor? Those dramatics make Phil swoon --Etoiles is one of the people who is best at catching Phil's Tells for when something is wrong --Etoiles is one of few people who can convince (or goad) Phil into doing something he normally wouldn't, especially if he's drunk --Speaking of Phil being drunk around Etoiles, the way he can still absolutely body someone or snipe smth from miles away makes Etoiles want to kiss him stupid --Etoiles left a scar on Phil's back during Purgatory when he killed him Day 1. Phil didn't know for the longest time, but it took him a while to show him his wings after that. --Phil was genuinely afraid of Etoiles (& Fit) for a while after Purgatory --Sometimes Phil's laughs and startled yelps sound almost like squawks. Also his hiccups. It's very rare, but whenever it happens, he gets teased for it. Especially by Etoiles. --Phil goes back and forth on gifting one of his shed feathers to Etoiles --Technically all of the Polycule vs Ender King hcs apply to Etoiles in some way --Phil could listen to Etoiles teach him about French culture for hours

And now the new stuff :D

Etoiles's dramatics can get Phil in tears laughing. His sides and stomach will hurt before it's over, and Etoiles can go on for MINUTES. Sometimes he'll keep going purely because it has Phil dying so hard and he loves seeing what a kick Phil gets out of it

Etoiles is (playfully) salty that Phil is such a My Kids Come First kinda guy bc GOD does he want Phil to be down to do dangerous pvp and dungeon busting shit without the "euuu we gotta make sure it's safe" aspect more often. He wants that Angel of Death. Etoiles is the #1 Dadza (Derogatory) islander /lh

See, Fitza is more explicit and deadass about their,, Time together. Codebreakers is more subtle. Yknow that "media literacy is knowing when something that isn't gay sex is gay sex" post? That's Codebreakers. Sparring, dungeon busting, whatever high-risk high-exertion thing they're doing together. That.

It should go without saying how down Etoiles would be to throw hands with Ender King. It would be the most exhilarating fight he's ever had

Phil's still lowkey lost about the whole resistance thing. And schedules lately have not been kind to the two of them, so he hasn't had a chance to talk about it with Etoiles as extensively about it as he'd like to

Btw he's secretly concerned as hell smth bad is gonna happen to Etoiles if more of his body becomes corrupted by code :)

They 100% refer back to the time Etoiles said this regularly, and similar things like it. The same can be said for Fitza but my god the extent to which these two are more than willing to kill for each other. OUGH.

Phil does not realize how much pent up stress and emotion he can vent out via sparring or hitting something really fucking hard. Etoiles is going to fix that one day.

Phil's Etoiles impression has made Etoiles attempt to learn how to mimic Phil in retaliation but he cannot for the life of him get the hang of Phil's fuckass accent. Geordies stay winning to this man's dismay

Etoiles is frustratingly yet fascinatingly hard for Phil to clock sometimes. It's difficult to gauge exactly how he's feeling or what he's thinking. And yet as inconvenient that can be sometimes, something about it is incredibly attractive to Phil at the same time. Which is funny because unpredictability is usually not something his survivalist brain would like. Something about how he trusts Etoiles and therefore his being a wildcard is not so scary,,

Etoiles 🤝🏻 Chayanne - Wanting Phil to take them on a flight

I don't know if I'd call Etoiles an anarchist the same way I would Phil, but either way he is SO DOWN to fuck with the Feds if it entails any kind of pvp or the need to be geared up

Ok listen I have to call back to the gay sex subtext thing. Things that are more sex than gay sex to Codebreakers: Sparring, adrenaline, battles of wit, flexing powerful gear, thinking too much about what an absolute potential killing machine the other is, watching one another be in The Zone during a fight

Phil has more physical strength than skill with weapons and Etoiles has more skill with weapons than physical strength. Ok now imagine that while they're in a 2v# fight

I would not put it past Etoiles to pull a Missa and say smth wildly out of pocket and suggestive so fast in French that Phil doesn't catch it.

#qsmp #qsmp philza #philza #q!philza #qphil headcanons #qsmp etoiles #q!etoiles #etoiles #codebreakers #qsmp codebreakers #q!codebreakers

40 notes · View notes

the-eeveekins · 10 months

Text

Sulemio headcanons now that the show is over! This ended up being way longer than I thought and I wrote it over the course of the day. My apologies 😅

- First off, I see both of them as lesbians. Suletta had admiration for Elan but it wasn't romantic. She was attracted to Miorine instantly but had to get over her comphet first. Miorine has never paid serious attention to a man in her life.

- Miorine fell for Suletta almost instantly. It was love at first sight after Suletta came to her defense at the greenhouse and dueled for her. Miorine realized immediately that this girl actually, genuinely cared. Suletta was attracted to Miorine instantly but I don't think the feelings really broke through until Miorine came to her rescue in episode 7.

- I think they had a very...domestic vibe during the first season. They shared a lot of spaces, including a bed, and did a lot of things together with a level of physical closeness you'd normally only see couples do. Amusingly, Miorine only starts getting a little self-conscious about this after Suletta clearly starts getting more clingy after the incubation party.

- I'm still conflicted on when their first kiss happened. It's really a matter of how much I want to take what the series showed at face value vs. How I think maybe they were closer behind the scenes and behind closed doors the entire time.

- There was (unfortunately) a lot of offscreen stuff following their reunion in episode 22. Suletta tells Miorine about Elnora and Eri, how she's a repli-child and how she wants to help them no matter what. Miorine wholeheartedly accepts Suletta and her goals, it doesn't matter to her at all that she's a clone, because Suletta is Suletta and she loves her more than anything.

- Suletta's composure finally breaks just before boarding the Calibarn, and she confides to Miorine just how scared she actually is of dying in it. Miorine holds her tight, caressing and reassuring her until she calms down and regains her composure.

- The very first thing Miorine does once she gets Suletta aboard the ship after Quiet Zero is take their helmets off and give her the biggest kiss imaginable, much to the shock of everyone else present. They affirm their love for each other, but before the mood can get too romantic it becomes clear that Suletta is paralyzed.

- Suletta was bedridden for over a month after, and doctors weren't sure if she would ever regain full mobility. Miorine never left her side except for work or when she was dragged away by Earth House to take care of herself.

- Suletta was initially very self-conscious about her permet scars, but Miorine was insistent that they were cute and she was still the most beautiful person in the world. Miorine got into the habit of caressing and kissing her scars and now Suletta loves them.

- They got married a year after Quiet Zero, which was the longest either of them was willing to wait. Suletta worked incredibly hard in rehab, and by the time the day arrived she was able to walk down the aisle on crutches in her dress. It was one of the rare times Miorine's facade broke in front of others and she started openly weeping upon seeing Suletta. Nika gave them their blessing to get married without her and was able to watch a live stream of it recorded by Eri.

- Gund-Arm Inc was sold to Earth as part of the BG sale, but the Earthian company it was sold to (a medical company) restored Miorine as CEO after Earth House vouched for her character. While the company does work all over, Miorine does most of her direct work those first few years at Quinharbor to make amends and help the people there anyway possible.

- Miorine and Suletta's house is actually near Quinharbor, out in the country-side. This way even when Miorine is working, she's never far from home and Suletta. It has a full farm with a greenhouse specially for tomatoes, and a modest sized house that Suletta, Miorine, Eri and Elnora live in together. At least once a month, every one from Earth House joins them for a large dinner.

- Delling has been almost completely removed from the picture. Miorine could never forgive him for the way he controlled her life, and after learning about his role in the Vanadis Incident and what it did to the Samaya family, she completely cut him off from her new family. They talk over the phone maybe once or twice a year.

- Elnora actually loves Miorine a lot, considering her dedication to Suletta, but generally doesn't openly show it. Due to the guilt she feels about Quinharbor, she helps when she can with the company and does a lot of subtle things around the house to try and make Miorine's life easier when she's fussing over Suletta. But she absolutely spoils and showers Suletta and Eri with love, she has a lot of lost time to make up and she wants to cherish her new life.

- Eri has her own room. Suletta, Miorine and Elnora have spent the years stocking it with all sorts of devices thay she enjoys playing with, and she also often controls the cleaning robots and farm equipment. She likes to travel with Miorine specifically because it let's her see the world directly. And she gets to tease her sister-in-law.

- Miorine is often so busy that everyone has to force her to take breaks. When she's not working, she's devoted almost entirely to Suletta, taking care of her with her limited mobility and being present for her rehabilitation. Their favorite thing to do together is tend the farm, but especially the tomatoes in the greenhouse. Miorine has them sold at a farmer's market and they're incredibly popular.

At some point she buys a piano and starts playing again, but she's rusty and doesn't think she's very good. But no matter what, she always let's Suletta join her and listen to her playing if she wants.

- And finally Suletta. It took almost a year for Suletta to finally be able to walk with crutches, and another year and a half after for her to be able to move a little without them. She still needs them, but after 3 years she can manage short walks on her own. She still struggles a bit with her hands, but it's gotten much better.

She's been doing more than just rehab in those 3 years though. With everyone's help, she started a project to build a school on Mercury, and after 2.5 years it opened, and along with GUND-ARM Inc. sourcing a lot of Permet from Mercury specifically, the planet has seen a revival.

Suletta was so satisfied and fulfilled by the experience, she decided she wanted to open another school near her home. And after spending a lot of time with local kids during her rehab, she's started working towards becoming a teacher.

- As for my thoughts on the future: GUND-ARM Inc is growing and expanding, but the Mercury family has no plans to move. There are plans to make Eri a human-like GUND body so that she can rejoin society normally and Elnora is leading the project. Suletta and Miorine, sometime around when the show ends, have absolutely discussed having kids in the future when things settle down more for both of them.

#I'm sorry i didn't think this would get so long #the thoughts just kept coming #g witch #the witch from mercury #sulemio

140 notes · View notes

writtenbymisunderstoodnerds · 11 months

Text

You didn't actually think I would miss this, did you? (Tobin Heath x Reader)

Just a short little fic for Tobin's birthday. Not really edited so mind any mistakes. Hope you enjoy!

Between work getting busy and studying, life has been busy lately so writing has unfortunately been put on the back burner so fics might take longer than usual. My final essay is due in less than 2 weeks so hopefully I'll have more time to write after that!

Words: 1.4k

Y/n: Nobody on earth can make me feel the way you do. Everyday I wake up you continue to amaze me in every way possible. Your kindness, empathy and compassion are what make you the most amazing woman I've ever known. Please never stop being the beautiful, confident and sexiest person that I am madly in love with. Everyday I am blessed to have you by my side. I hope today is filled with love, friendship, surprises and fun. Thank you for going through life with me. Happy birthday my love. I love you today and always.

Toby: Thank you baby. There's no one I'd rather go through life with than you. I love you so much.

Toby: I wish you were here with me today... I miss you

Y/n: I miss you too Toby. We'll see each other soon. I'm sure you'll have an amazing day regardless. I wanted to have this text ready for you to wake up to, but I got busy :(

Toby: It's okay, facetime later?

Y/n: Wouldn't miss it. I have to go, but I'll message you a bit later. I love you

It was Tobin's birthday today. We had been together for 7 years and this was the first birthday that we would be apart for. Since we started dating, we had always made sure to be with each other on our birthdays. This year though, I was playing in Europe meaning I couldn't be there this year. Well that's what she thought anyway. I was out for a couple of weeks with an injury and coach had agreed that I could return to the states as long as I kept up with physio.

Tobin's birthday happened to fall in the middle of a national team camp. One that I couldn't attend due to being injured. I knew they would be planning something so I had reached out to Ali to let her know I was surprising Tobin. I trusted her to not let it slip and she was able to keep me updated on their plans so I could surprise her. I didn't want to miss her whole birthday, instead I had found a flight that would get me there in time to surprise her at lunch.

I got through security as quickly as possible. Knowing I was so close to seeing Tobin again was making me impatient. This was probably the longest we had gone without seeing each other. I hated it, but playing internationally had always been a dream of mine. They had organized lunch in the meal room at the hotel seeing as there were so many of them. I quickly dropped my stuff in Tobin's hotel room and cleaned myself up a bit before heading down to the meal room.

Ali had organized a game of guess the person. Tobin was blindfolded and had to guess who was in front of her based on the feel of their hands and face. The girls smiled widely when they saw me, somehow managing to not completely freak out. I watched Tobin go through a few more of them. There was a wide smile on her face, the corners of her eyes no doubt crinkling. I knew pretty much all of Tobin's expressions at this point, even without properly seeing them. It made me happy knowing that even though she was missing me, she was still able to have fun and be genuinely happy.

After a few minutes, I stepped up to Tobin, placing her hand on my arm first then my face. I knew there was a high chance that once she felt either of my hands she would know it was me. Besides the years of almost constant hand holding, I had a scar on one of my hands that was very noticeable.

I lent into her touch, enjoying the feeling after almost six months away from her. That must have been a give away, because her hand froze briefly before moving to my eyebrow that also had a scar then my left hand. She ripped the blindfold off, eyes wide as she stared at me in shock.

"Y/n!" Tobin pretty much squealed, jumping up, arms wrapping around me as she jumped up, legs around my waist, "You're here, you're actually here."

"You didn't seriously think I would miss your birthday did you?"

Tobin kissed me hard, filled with passion and love. I knew the team were watching, fake gags coming from them, but I did care as I cupped the back of her head, not letting her move until we were both out of breath. Tobin watched me for a few seconds before speaking, "I love you so much. How long do I have you for?"

Reluctantly, I put her down, feeling my knee starting ache, "A couple of weeks. Pretty much until I'm ready to join practice again as long as I keep up with physio here."

Since there weren't any real plans for after lunch, Tobin and I snuck off to the room. We didn't do anything other than cuddle and make out a little bit. I was exhausted from my flight, all I wanted to do was hold her after months apart. When Tobin eventually had to go to the bathroom, I got the piece of paper and ring box from my bag. I quickly hid the ring box as Tobin came back into the room. I still wasn't sure if I was going to propose right now with just the two of us or do something with the team later. I wanted to have it with me for when I decided the time was right.

"I got you something."

"You didn't have to, just being here is enough."

"Shush and take it. I think you're going to like this."

I handed her a piece of paper. She read over it slowly before jumping on me, peppering kisses across my face, "You're coming back?!? We get to play together again?"

"I'm coming back. I still have to be there for a couple more months though. I love playing for arsenal, it's been a great experience, but it's not worth how much I miss you."

A few tears fell down her cheeks as she kissed me slowly before a smile stretched across her face, interrupting the kiss. Her smile was one of my favourite sights so I wasn't mad about it, "You are amazing, I love you Y/n."

"I love you Toby."

Once again I found myself watching her. Taking in her smile, the way her eyes crinkled, the dimples I was obsessed with, her beautiful eyes that I could look at forever and the short hair that drove me crazy. It was my first time seeing it in person, I had ran my fingers through it countless times already and was currently resisting the urge to do it again. I loved her more than I thought it was possible to love another person. She was the person I craved, the first person I thought of when I woke up or before I went to sleep, the first person I wanted to tell when anything happened. She was the person I wanted by my side for the rest of my life.

"I meant what I said in my text."

"Which part?"

"All of it. Even after 7 years, you still make my heart race, butterflies and sparks to explode at even the slightest touch. No one has even made me feel the way you do and no one else ever will. I thank everything in this world that you chose me, that I get to be with you and love you every day. You are the only person I want by myside through everything life throws our way. The good, bad, funny, messy, whatever it is, it will be okay because I have you. I am so madly in love with you Tobin Powell Heath, I want to do life with you for as long as you'll have me. Will you marry me?"

Tobin launched forward before I could even get the ring box. She hugged me tightly, tears landing against my neck, "Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. I love you so fucking much Y/n."

My own tears fell, the happiness bubbling over as I chuckled, "Can I get the ring now?"

"You got me a ring?"

I reached under the pillow for the ring box, opening it for Tobin to see. It was just a simple rose gold band, it fit who she was and the type of style she liked. She grinned widely as I easily slipped it onto her finger, "Of course I did. I've been planning to do this for months now. Only the best for my girl or should I say fiancé?"

"God I can't wait to marry you Y/n."

#uswnt x reader #uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #tobin heath x reader #tobin heath imagine

169 notes · View notes

tohsri · 1 year

Text

3some 💀

so this is my first fic, on tumblr, so i don't know how things work. however i have read some fanfiction in the past, so i guess i have a bit of experience. warnings ig: reader is described as a female/self insert, porn with plot, fingering, virginity loss (even though reader has the dirtiest mind), cough coug implied 4some, it makes no sense (it's a dream ofc it don't), characters may (will) be ooc (hmph) minors dni!! 18+

we only had a week before the big project. while i could hear satoru's voice happily chattering with a friend of his downstairs. it slightly bothered me that he wasn't up here studying with us.

"geto, is the presentation okay?" i leaned against the hard wooden chair, peeking at the unfinished presentation.

"mhm. i think satoru should be able to remember most of this, without looking at the screen too often." he replied, lifting his hands off the keyboard and putting them behind his head. "by the way, where's toji?"

"hey, zenin, ya gonna help?" toji only scowled, muttering a "why should i" as he walked away grumbling.

toji was part of one of the most feared gang of this school, always rebelling against the teachers, never attending events, getting into fights in between the school buildings, and the scar that were plastered on his lips had pretty much proven a point.

you were genuinely taken aback on how geto talked to him so carelessly, as if toji couldn't beat the shit out of him with full force. toji looked like he didn't care anyway.

you focused your mind back to the presentation, helping geto point out mistakes.

"here, you spelled this wrong. lemme help." you leaned further, pushing geto to the side a little bit as your hands moves all around the keyboard. "maybe you can rephrase this to sound more formal."

"anyways, you continue working on the presentation, i'll go make some drinks for both of us. what do you want?"

"just some water please, thank you." he smiled softly, nodding his head as another thanks.

you went downstairs, dragging your hands down the railings to see satoru still smiling and staring at his phone.

"gojo, at least come help with the last bits of research.." you said in a whiny tone, making a cup of hot chocolate and pouring a glass of water for geto. "you've been on your phone this entire time, can't you spare a minute studying?"

"no can do~" he giggled, eyes still glued to the screen. "maybe if you stop giving me the longest parts of the presentation whenever we're in a group together."

"fine. study the last part and i'll give you the 2nd shortest." you grumbled. "but you have to edit your own part, save me and geto some work."

"now that's way too much to ask from me. you know what, i'll edit half my part." he gave you a shit-eating grin, knowing you couldn't help but give in to his words.

"half. that's the limit, now come upstairs and do research."

--------

"there are other ways to protect the environment, like reduce wasting plastic, participate in cleaning up beaches- uhh, whatever that's called, and other stuff. we'll search it up online."

"pff, nerd." geto teased, placing his arm on gojo's shoulder like an armrest.

"hey- get your hand off me!" gojo smacked it off, crossing his arms. you couldn't help but laugh at his puffed-out cheeks. unfortunately, he noticed. "what's so funny?!"

"n-nothing." you tried to calm yourself down, putting a hand over your mouth.

"i look that cute, don't i?~"

"you look like shit."

before gojo could say something, toji interrupted. "hey enough you two, let's just focus on the project so we can get it over with."

"let's decide on the roles first. of course, i get the introduction and conclusion, geto you get the 2nd shortest, toji 3rd shortest and gojo gets the longest."

"why's it always me who gets the longest? come on, give me a break for once~ you said i could switch with geto if i studied!"

geto glared at you. "what did you tell him?"

"exactly what he said." you laid back, with hands behind your head on the floor.

"alright, but you better repay me for switching." geto smirked.

"wh- why?! gojo never asked for anything!" you sighed. "fine. if you want me to pay," you whispered as you leaned closer to his ear.

"i'll pay with my body~"

geto looked as if he were about to explode right there, his face completely turning a tint of red. even the tip of his ears were burning with embarrassment.

"wait, what did you tell him?! i got to get this on camera!!-"

"shush gojo, it'll only work for her." he muttered, not enough for you to hear (or so he thought).

"anyways, how about a sleepover? so after a proper breakfast we can continue the project immediately." gojo suggested. "i already asked my parents, so i guess you're sort of obliged to let me stay."

you rolled your eyes. "you're lucky my parents aren't home, they would kick you out." you couldn't help but giggle at your own words.

"alright, we finish this topic up and then tomorrow we finish the rest."

-------- "alright, it's late. who's sleeping in the guest room?"

"me." toji grumbled, tugging onto his sweatshirt.

"there's only a bed and mattress in there, so one of you sleep in my room." you spoke up, putting both hands on the ground.

"i will." gojo and geto said in unison, as they both turned to each other.

you sighed, facepalming yourself. "you know what, sorry, one of you will sleep with toji-san. no offense."

toji just grumbled, avoiding eye contact with everyone.

"geto, is it okay if you sleep in the guest room?" you looked at him with the most adorable puppy eyes, and he was dragged away by your looks. he had no choice but to give in or else you'll (fake) cry.

he sighed, heading downstairs with toji to the guest room as gojo smiled excitedly.

"rest in peace, suguru." he laughed and you swore you could hear geto say 'shut up' halfway down the stairs. it made you giggle.

"i'm gonna get changed. i'm not sleeping in jeans. you aren't gonna sleep in your uniform either, so i hope you brought clothes."

after you and gojo had changed, you turned on the air conditioner and slept next to the window. despite the air conditioner being turned on, it never reached your spot which made you basically sweat while gojo got the enjoy the cool air.

you waited for a couple of minutes until it was dead silent, and removed the blanket above you. tiptoeing across the room, you had finally got snuggled in your cold bed. you sighed contently, but then realised gojo was right next to you, thankfully asleep.

until you felt a hand wrap around your waist and bring you closer.

"hey, stay on your side..~" he whispered teasingly, hugging you as if you were a plush.

"gojo, let me g-go. i'm just hot."

"mm, being here with me will only make you hotter." he muttered, pressing against your body. his warmth combined with the cold air felt perfect.

you just laid down in silence, enjoying being held in his embrace. however, tension was growing between the two of you. you two barely even knew each other in school (except for the projects you were partnered up with), and it was getting awkward.

eventually, you had managed to doze off into a deep slumber. you felt uncomfortable between your thighs, and it was making you wet.

you had opened your eyes, feeling gojo's cock slide inbetween your thighs, followed with his irregular panting. your panties and short pants were down at knee level, and the whole thing caught you off guard.

"sorry princess," he gasped out the name, and for a second it felt like you two were dating. "i got hard from you, is it okay if i use your thighs? or maybe even that sweet pussy.." he licked his lips at the thought of it.

flustered and basically paralysed, you could only let out a nod as his tip rubbed at your clit. all you could do was moan and whimper as he used your body to his heart's content.

his thrusts only got faster and sloppy, and without warning he came on your bedsheets.

"sorry again. i couldn't handle it," he chuckled, grabbing his cock. "i'll wash it in the morning. that okay with you?"

you had no idea what came over you that second, but your two fingers scooped up a part of his cum, sticking it into your mouth.

"oh fuck, that's hot." he nibbled on your earlobe, licking the back of it.

"can't help it, 'toru."

"call me that one more time and you won't be getting an ounce of sleep tonight."

"alright alright, just.. sleep. i'm tired."

--------

fuck, i'm thirsty.

you quietly walked downstairs, carefully not to wake anyone, grabbing the water bottle that was conveniently placed at the side, taking one big sip as you quenched your thirst.

you didn't feel sleepy. at all. i guess the only thing you could resort to was watching anime on the tv. unfortunately, the only tvs that were available was the one right next to your room, or the one right next to the guest room.

eh, too late to go back upstairs.

you turned on the tv, lowering the volume all the way to 0. how boring it was, watching your show with only subtitles. whatever, it wouldn't hurt to increase the volume a bit.

careful not to wake the two sleeping boys in the room next to you, you increased the volume by 2. well, better than nothing. only the chances of their waking up to you watching anime at 2am.

you watched for a good 15 minutes, trying (struggling) not to talk in the middle of the show, or fangirl whenever your favourite character came on.

you were interrupted by the sound of the guest room door clicking. toji.

"hm? what are you doing up this late?" he said in a softer, yet a raspy voice.

"watching anime. couldn't sleep."

"i get that too." he mumbled. "do you have a lighter?"

"brown box on the counter."

"thanks." toji headed outside, shutting the door as he lit his cigarette on fire.

you opened the glass door, taking a sip of your water bottle. "i've never smoked before. have you burned your mouth on the inside?"

your question made him chuckle. "no. never done it before. i only smoke when i'm stressed or feeling like shit."

"had a nightmare?" he only nodded, blowing out the smoke from his cigarette.

you just continued watching your anime while toji stared into the sky, dropping the cigarette butt on the ground and crushing it.

"do you want one?" he spoke up.

"no, i don't think i want to." you smiled, sighing. you closed your eyes for a while, until you felt an arm around you.

"is satoru awake?" you recognised it. geto.

"no. he's sleeping.." your memories with him a few hours ago came back, causing your cheeks to flush red.

"i heard that zenin go out, woke me up from that dream."

"what dream were you having?"

"maybe a dream about you."

you blinked, processing the information. "w- wha?"

"speaking of which, you still haven't repaid me yet.. what was it? your body, hmm?" he smirked, pushing his knee against your covered clit, causing you to let out a small moan.

"it w-was a joke, geto!" you couldn't help but moan as his touch, as he continued to grind his knee on your sensitive bud of nerves.

"oh? so you don't want this?" he stopped almost immediately. "but you're so wet~"

"n-no, please geto, want m-more.."

he hungrily pulled off the shorts and panties, revealing your already wet pussy. "lemme have a taste, good girl."

his tongue repeatedly lapped at your juices, pushing his tongue into your hole. he swears even the slightest movement of his tongue made you clench around him so tight.

the thought of the lewd act only make your bundle of nerves twitch, and you were so close to release because of how talented geto's tongue was.

"are you close?" he pulled away, breaking the string of mixed saliva and cum. "i wanna hear you beg for it. aren't you a good girl?"

you merely nodded. gathering the words stuck in your throat, you finally spoke. "p-please geto-kun.. w'nna cum, needa cum, i'm a good girl.."

"mm, you're quite obedient." he grinned, sucking on your bud gently. you bit your lip, trying to hold in your moans. "mmn, g'nna cum! g'nna cum- ah!"

geto placed his mouth on your pussy, letting him taste your cum. he swallowed it all, but you were too tired to notice. you rested your head against back, panting heavily.

you were too tired to even notice toji standing right behind the couch.

"geto. got room for another?"

--------

you suddenly found yourself manhandled by toji, on your hands and knees, sucking geto's cock as toji thrusted into you from behind.

"fuck, this pussy is tight." he grunted, balls slapping against your sensitive clit. "squeezing my cock so well, huh?"

you couldn't even respond properly. you just nodded and let out muffled whimpers, moaning into geto's cock from toji basically slamming into your cervix so often. his thrusts was kept at a sloppy pace, only stopping to give a harsh slap to your red and glowing ass. "fuck, you don't know how long i've kept staring at his plump ass. your tits are fucking amazing too, built to be just like a whore." he kept degrading you, maybe even squeezing your tits playfully.

"but she's such a good one, isn't she? taking our cocks so well just like a slut." he ran his fingers through your hair so affectionately, pushing your head further down his cock. "c'mon, c'mon. just like tha- fuck!"

without warning geto had already sent spurts of sticky cum down your throat, filling up your mouth. he pulled his cock out, admiring the sticky mess. "swallow." one word was all he needed for you to do so. "good girl. zenin, mind changing positions? let me see her tits."

toji flipped you over, your pussy still wrapped around his throbbing cock. after all, why wouldn't toji want to see the view? the next thing he knew he was completely focused on how geto pinched your erect nipples, making you whimper from the overwhelming sensitivity.

geto pulled out his phone, taking a good photo of your fucked out expression lying on his lap. "god, imagine how much satoru would pay for this. this fucking beauty right here. hey, maybe you should call him down so we could enjoy this beautiful body for ourselves."

oh, one more person joining this would only make it hell for you. you couldn't imagine the damage that they would leave you with for days. as much as you didn't want that to happen, you could care less about the consequences when you were this needy. the thoughts you had were so fucking lewd but you couldn't handle it.

"fuck, gonna cum, let me cum inside?" toji interrupted, letting you regain your consciousness back for a second.

"'m not on p-pill, wait!-"

"don't w- fuck!! don't worry, i- ain't gonna. just lemme fuck your pussy a lil' longer, alright?" he panted, thrusting a few more times into your pussy before pulling out, cumming all over your stomach and chest. "fuck, he's right. you're such a good girl. liked being praised huh?"

you only nodded before you finally passed out from exhaustion.

AFTERMATH

"fffuck, what a fucking headache. what was that-.." you glided your hand over the leather, realising you were still on the couch. you removed the soft and fluffy blanket above you.

"geto-kun." your voice softened at the thought, blushing at the possibility of it being toji too who gave you this blanket. you noticed you didn't feel sticky at all either.

how nice of them. words: 2.6k hooray

126 notes · View notes

the-manors-writer · 2 years

Note

if reqs arent open and im unable to read ignore me. im a blight.

i had the idea of norton with a s/o who has scars they hide and theyre like his, and he sees them on accident one day. may i have hcs on this? i just rlly love how yall write him and everyone else hhdnebf

Request: Norton with s/o who has hidden scars similar to his headcanons

Pairing: [Norton Campbell] Prospector x gn!reader

Warnings: None

Norton Campbell

Norton was your everything and you were his everything. Both of you were similar in many ways, especially in terms of appearance.

The only difference in that was how Norton couldn't quite hide the way half his face and body were covered with burnt marks, caused by the mining explosion incident.

Whilst you could hide all your imperfections beneath the clothing you wore pretty well.

Knowing he had the same scars as you, did made you feel better and less scared.. Or insecure, but still not enough for you to ever show it to him.

You were always so cautious and careful around him sometimes, fearing he could see what lies underneath layers of cloth.

Norton definitely wouldn't have minded at all that you have the same scars as he does, he probably would be smiling. But that doesn't dispel the fear you have.

Norton didn't mean to. But he stumbled upon you as you were changing and saw what you've been hiding.

Your eyes met into a long staring contest filled with a uncomfortable atmosphere.

The prospector slowly approached you and lightly trialed his rough finger against your patches of uneven and rough skin.

"My dearest.." He murmurs out your name, dark orbs looking back into yours with a expression you can't quite make out.

"Oh mi amor.." Norton pulls you into a gentle embrace, burying his head down into and against your neck, sniffing your sweet lovely scent.

He has many questions on how you got them but he keeps his mouth shut and continues to embrace you for the longest of time.

Both of you melt into each other's warmth and arms, indulging in the other's lovely distinct scent.

The heavy weight lifts when strong arms wrap themselves around you, pulling you. It felt nice, your heart was beating rapidly, tummy filled with fluttering butterflies.

He knows now. There's no use in hiding it any longer from him.

It soon became a must for Norton to slowly and lightly trial his hands about every scars you had, maybe plant a few kisses along the way.

It's embarrassing but you enjoyed it and he knows you do.

"You're so perfect." He tells you, constantly complimenting you. You could tell his words were genuine but god was it embarrassing to hear it.

No matter how much you insist that there's no need to do anything that he does, or how you are fine, Norton is quite the stubborn and hard nut to crack and you love him for that.

[ art credit - @jinnseigame ]

423 notes · View notes

nriacc · 1 year

Text

Me & You Together Song | NRIACC: Matty’s Ending |

Nothing Revealed In A Common Crisis

Written by @imagine-that-100

Description: | Here |

Word Count: 26k

Warnings: This series contains mature content and themes throughout

A/N: Hey besties! I can’t believe this is it. We actually got to the end! Thank you so so so much for sticking with me whilst I got this fic out, I am truly so so happy that people are still reading almost 2 years after I posted the first part. It really is mindblowing to me. I’ve got a few people I need to thank, dot for helping me plan a lot of the fic and for helping write chap 8, @murderousginger and @sunsetinmyvein for editing for me. A really really big thank you is going to @red---moon and @alovesreading, I genuinely don’t think this fic would have ever got finished if I didn’t have you two for me to mindlessly rant to about it and giving me ideas and keeping me motivated (Red also gave me the idea for the arielle stuff back on the AM tour and A gave me the idea of the whole pauline storyline so you can blame them for that loolllll love you both). To the rest of you, the ones who have been reading for a longgg time, you deserve a medal, your asks and reactions have really kept me going so thank you so so so much, and if you’ve recently had a binge I really hope you enjoyed the rollercoaster of a fic. NRIACC really feels like my baby and I’m never going to write a mashup of worlds like this again, so thank you all so so much for reading and enjoying it. I'll be forever grateful for the love you’ve shown it. Now, I’ve kept you waiting long enough, I really hope you enjoy Wheels and her man's happy ending. Love you lots and enjoy x

Please let me know | Here | who’s ending you’re all choosing! (It’s all anonymous)

~*~*~*~ June 15th 2020 ~*~*~*~

Matty’s heart felt like it was bleeding for you the night you called him upset asking if you could come and stay with him. He knew his heart always hurt when you got upset but with you crying out for him, it felt scarring.

Never had he felt such pain like it. The drive to yours felt like the longest one he’d ever done, despite this being the closest you’d ever lived to each other.

The rain didn’t help his anxiety of wanting to get to you as fast as possible but thankfully the roads were mostly dead because of the late hour. When he got to your flat, he let himself in with his key and he rushed to you, finding you clutching your rabbit teddy and crying in bed.

Matty doesn’t think he’s ever felt you hug him as tight as you did that night. He had you in his arms settling you down for the next hour, getting you to a point where the tears would dry up so he could get some of your things together and get you to his house where you pleaded for him to take you.

Matty would find out in the days after you started staying with him that you’d been struggling with the confines of lockdown a hell of a lot more than you’d been letting on. It broke his heart that you didn’t reach out sooner but he’s beyond thankful you finally did because the days after he got you, he saw that spark you always have in you reignite.

The first few days of you staying with him was hard. It was clear you’d got into such a bad place due to you sleeping though most of the morning, which was really unlike you as he remembered you always having him up earlier than anyone needed to be in mornings.

Matty would also catch you living in your head a lot. You weren’t being your usual chatty self and he felt like he had to pry you back out of a shell he doesnt ever think he’s seen you go into.

But thankfully after about a week, he got you back to your normal and creative self and he did this by encouraging you to come out for walks with him. Ones that were filled with places Matty had planned for the both of you to explore to keep your mind ticking over and keep the both of you talking even after you got back to his house.

That evening, you were both sitting in Matty’s courtyard and the small view you got of the sky as the sun was going now reminded both of you of your box paintings that were always a feature at your galleries. It was the perfect picture to paint and Matty’s simple request of “Could you please paint it for me?” was one you couldn’t turn down because the look on his face really did relight that creative fire.

Thankfully, Matty had grabbed your travel kit which has everything you’d need to paint something well and when your best friend rushes to get that when you said you’d give it a go, you do so feeling that excitement in your chest. It was a race against the ever changing light to capture what you can see of the sky well on the sketching paper which Matty had never ended up using which had been buried in one of his drawers.

Your best friend was entirely vexed watching you work. The way you’d gently bite your bottom lip or the tip of your tongue when you were really concentrating made his heart stutter. It had always been the little things when it came to you that had Matty in a chokehold, and watching you paint is certainly one of them.

But the main one is your smile. And the way your whole face lit up when you finished that painting that evening had Matty falling for you all over again, but he wouldn’t risk your friendship by doing anything about that. He was just so beyond thrilled to see you happy again.

It became your little tradition in the days after that. The both of you would sit outside and you would capture the sky in a box painting of yours and Matty would watch as you’d come alive with each stroke of your brush.

You were yourself again in those days too. Matty wasn’t worrying about you or having to try and pry you out of your shell.

Inside, you were feeling so much better and in your heart you knew that was all down to Matty. In the little things that he did for you, and the way he could keep you occupied with his conversations or his music for hours on end made living this new way of life so much easier. And you found your heart slipping back into its old habits.

Watching True Romance with him almost every night certainly helped with the uneasy feelings of lockdown passing. Because as long as you had Matty by your side and for you to cuddle into, you knew you’d be okay. You’d always be okay as long as Matty was there to comfort you.

~*~*~*~

You felt yourself get back to normal the more time you spent with Matty. It was like going back to default settings and things just felt so much easier. With every hug you felt happier, with every kiss on the cheek you felt your heart grow warmer. You felt yourself again and that was all down to Matty.

A few weeks have passed with you in Matty’s presence now and you’re certainly the happiest you’ve been in a long time and you caught yourself reverting back to your old ways.

The way you would act around each other made your heart stutter because it was like you were back together again without all the acts that prove people are in a relationship. Apart from that first night you came and stayed at Matty’s, you’d been staying in his spare room, not sharing with him like you realise you desperately want to.

The nights when you both fall asleep cuddling each other whilst watching films and neither of you are disturbed until morning are your favourites because you stay in his arms. The nights when Matty wakes you up so you can be comfier in your own bed leave you with a bitter taste.

There’s not a second you don’t want him by your side now. Every single second of the day that you get to be around him is a blessing and you’ve quickly and quietly fallen for him again. But you know that’s just you letting your repressed feelings come back to taunt you a little longer.

The more you think this over though, the more you question why you’re actually holding any of your feelings back in the first place. You’ve fallen for him again, and you’re not really sure when you actually did or the exact moment it happened, but the mere fact you want to be in no one's arms but his makes you his.

And you realise this one night about 2 weeks into staying with Matty. It’s no surprise to anyone that you’re a clingy drunk, but especially when you’ve just been watching your favourite film with each other and you’re already a bottle of red deep with him.

You’re currently lying on Matty’s settee, with his chest against your back and you’ve got Good At Falling by The Japanese House playing quietly through Matty’s speakers. The both of you had been getting nostalgic, asking each other things like if the both of you remember when you first watched True Romance together and if the both of you remembered when your Aunt embarrassed him one Christmas.

The warm feeling in your chest swells when you remember the cute moments you’ve had with him, and you find yourself turning over so you can see him when you ask in your tipsy state, “Do you remember when we first saw each other?”

“Yeah,” Matty nods, and you stop yourself from chuckling at the way he forces his eyes open a little more as if to try and prove to himself he’s not tipsy. He recalls the moment for you, “You were a very pixelated pretty girl on Skype somehow related to my best mate... I still don’t quite believe you’re related to Hann.” he tells you as he tucks your hair behind your ear so he can see you better.

“Your Aunt, definitely.” Matty grins, but he shakes his head, “But Hann… I don’t know how that works.”

“He’s not that different from me, you know?” You hum in amusement, before you ask, “Can I have a proper cuddle please?”

Your boundaries and filter has clearly been drowned away with the amount of alcohol you’ve had, or that will be your excuse anyway. Thankfully though, Matty nods with a smile and the both of you manoeuvre yourself so you’re lying between his legs with you practically hugging him as you nuzzle yourself into his chest.

Matty’s arms wrap around your back as he says, “He is, you’re a lot better.” and he even pulls the blanket over the both of you as it’s on the back of the settee.

You hum, fully enjoying how close you are to him and the comfort he brings you with his hand softly running up and down your back. And after a few moments of silence, you ask him, “Do you remember when I was over one year and you came not to talk to me or to Adam, but to my Aunt and Uncle so you could convince them that Adam had to stay around and go to Uni of Manchester?”

“I do.” Matty laughs a little remembering how dead set he was that the band was going to work and how mental that must have been for you to hear. “Although I remember that trying to convince Ross’ Mum and Dad was more difficult because they were so set on him having Salford Uni as his second choice instead of his first.”

“I’m glad everyone stuck around.” You say as you look around Matty’s lounge and see the pictures he has dotted around of his best friends.

It warms your heart, and it warms it even more when he agrees in a soft voice, “Me too.”

After another minute of the both of you cuddling in silence as you listen to the album in the background, you ask, “Do you remember the Halloween party we had?”

“The one where you dressed up as a sexy version of Wednesday from the Addams family? Or a different one?” Matty asks for clarification a little too fast which makes you laugh.

You nod against his chest, “Yeah, I was meaning that one.”

“Yes I remember that one very well.” Matty grins as he starts gently playing with the ends of your hair, “I fucking dreamt about that one for weeks.”

As you giggle at that admission, your best friend tells you, “Your emo phase really gave me more of the hots for you, Wheels.”

You smile, not finding that surprising at all, so you joke, “Who knew your downfall was black hair dye and a pair of fishnets, ey?”

“Mmm,” Matty hums in amusement, “The fact it was you played a part too though.”

“What about that girl Alice you were seeing for a while? The one before Lucy?” You ask, only vaguely remembering her but she definitely dressed a little emo like you, when her and Matty were sleeping together. “She definitely fit the bill.”

“She wasn’t you, Wheels.” Matty reminds you, as no one has ever really come close to you. The woman who’s lying in his arms today, the woman he doesn’t ever really want to let go of.

His words fill your heart with joy again and you sit with that for a minute before you ask him another question. “Do you remember coming to my eighteenth?”

“Yes, and you were wearing fishnets with a skater skirt and… I could never forget just how good you looked that night.” Matty can’t help but smile at the memory of you being so happy when you saw him and when you unwrapped that skateboard they bought for you. “Not to mention that was the first time you called me Curly.”

“I can’t believe you remember that night so vividly,” You chuckle, looking up at him as you admit, “I barely remember it, well, anything after nine o’clock anyway.”

“You were really drunk to be fair,” Matty smirks at you, “And I was just enamoured by you so I was watching you all night.”

“You realise if you weren’t obsessed with me you’d have known I was actually friends with Arctic Monkeys because they were all there.” You grin right back at him, still finding it hilarious that he didn’t believe you for so long.

“Damn, yeah.” Matty chuckles, and he resumes playing with the ends of your hair once you rest it back down on his chest. He ends up giggling to himself when he admits, “I only remember Y/B/F though... She was just as fit as you.”

You frown a little, even though he can’t see your face, but you call out his double standard nonetheless, “And you had an issue when I said I fancied George.”

“I never tried to shag your best friend, did I?” Matty makes a very good point, “You can’t say the same about that, can you?”

“Okay okay.” You know when you’ve been beaten so you’ll give him this one, “You have a point.”

Both of you giggle then and you settle again. You let your eyes close as you listen to Faraway over the speakers and it makes you snuggle into him impossibly closer. It warms your heart that this is the song Matty’s backing vocals are on and it makes you smile when he starts soft humming along to it now underneath you.

The lyrics really hit you hard, and it's at this moment you promise yourself that in the next few days you’re going to tell him how you feel. And even feeling him run his fingers through your hair now it makes your heart race for him, you want him back how you used to be when you were together properly.

And the thoughts of you together makes you nostalgic again. And you think back to the first summer you met again.

“What about teaching me how to skate?” You ask, keeping your eyes closed wanting the visual memories to come back more vividly, “Remember that?”

“That was such a fun day.” Matty can’t help but grin at the memory. “Will never forget the sheer panic on your face when I told you to move on your own.”

He feels you chuckle against his chest before you tell him, “I remember watching you all and feeling so left out… I just wanted to be as good as you all but I was scared.”

“Yeah, your first time on the ramps told me as much.” Matty laughs again remembering the way you were clinging to his arm and begging him to go on a slope instead.

You giggle again at that before saying, “And now I’m even better than you.”

“Well, the student becomes the jedi master or whatever shit Hann says.” Matty hums in amusement and it warms his heart when you let out a loud laugh. God, he just wants to kiss the top of your head and have you stay in his arms like this forever.

After another few seconds, you feel the need to ask again, “Do you remember-”

But Matty interrupts you, “Do you think I’ve forgotten?”

“What?”

“Do you think I’ve forgotten?” He repeats himself.

You’re so confused, “About what?”

“About you?” Matty puts it simply, “About us?”

When you look up at him, still seeming like you don’t understand where the question has come from, ”You keep asking loads of questions about us and if I remember... Do you think I’ve forgotten about you, Sweetheart?

Your drunk and now tired mind almost lets your feelings spill. Truthfully, you want to go over everything to remind yourself why you love him, and you don’t want to ruin this moment with him now if he doesn’t love you too. So you settle on explaining, “I don't know if you remember everything I do. There's a lot to remember... I bet you remember so much about me in the years you were pining for me that I don't.”

The way you timidly say it, like you're almost scared or embarrassed to admit it makes Matty want to reassure you more than he ever has done before. He doesn’t want you for a second to think that you’re forgettable.

“I’d never forget about you, Sweetheart.” Matty looks into your eyes as he tells you that, and his face is soft and he’s smiling as he tells you, “You are in each of the best moments of my life… Top three are all you.”

Your eyes go a little wide, “Really?”

“Yeah.” Matty nods, his grin getting bigger.

“Do you remember the day you told me you loved me?” He asks you, really hoping you do because it means so much to him.

You nod, remembering the day well, “Course I do.” and you really hope that one day soon you can start telling him again.

“That was the second best day of my life.” Matty tells you, “I remember sitting on the ramp in the skatepark and we were in our own little world. Entirely in everyone’s way and I knew we both knew what was coming... But when I finally said it and you said it back, I could finally breathe again.”

You almost want to cry when you remember just how much you loved him, and it's never really gone away because it's just been built upon and it’s come back so much stronger. Matty proudly states again as he tucks your hair behind your ear again, “Second best day of my life.”

“Second?” You ask a little curiously, because if that’s his second you don’t know what his top will be.

Matty nods, “Yep.”

“What was the first?” You have to ask.

He grins at you and you know he will tell you, but he instructs, “Ask me my third first.”

“I hope your third is your music.” You really really hope it’s something like the day he won a Brit Award or a day one of his albums reached number one.

So you’re surprised when he shakes his head, “Nope.”

“Please tell me it’s something to do with music.” You need it to be at this point, because how can his music not be in his top three?

“If you count my muse as something to do with music, sure.” Matty's smile gets bigger when your eyes widen and you shake your head at him. He knows you’re about to tell him off so he tells you, “Music is involved but the music isn't why it was one of my favourite days.”

You practically plead with your eyes for him to tell you then, and when he does you don’t know how you restrain yourself from kissing him there and then.

“The day you told me that you’d be my girlfriend. That day you kissed me on stage and told me that you liked me back.” Matty finally tells you, “Will always be up there.”

Your heart is beating even faster for him when you ask, “So what's number one?”

“The day we kissed for the first time in my bedroom.” Matty reveals, and you can see the genuine happiness on his face when he says, “That blew me away… Still don’t really think there will ever be a day like it.”

“You were all I’d wanted for so so long. And I couldn’t believe it actually happened.” You can feel how much he means his words as he smiles, “If your shirt that you changed out of wasn't in my room that night I wouldn’t have believed it happened… My lips tingled for days.”

You’re so in love with this man, it hurts.

But Matty ends his anecdote with a laugh, “All the while you were going through a moral dilemma because of your twat of a boyfriend.”

“Yeah well Peter can get fucked.” You chuckle, and you move a little further up Matty’s body so you can bury your face into his neck, “He never made me feel like you did when we were together. It was infinitely better with you Curly, I wish I’d just phoned him up and broke up with him then and there and stayed in Manchester.”

“I wish you did too.” Matty sighs a little as his arms wrap around your back again, hugging you impossibly closer.

After a minute, you hear him ask, “Do you know the exact moment I fell in love with you? Did I ever tell you?”

“I don't think we did share that with each other.” You tell him, and by your voice Matty can tell you’re getting tired now, so he makes your brain work a little.

Matty asks, “Do you know the moment for you?”

“Yeah,” You nod into his neck, “But I need to know yours first though… And I mean like proper love, not love at first sight.”

“I knew at the top of that ferris wheel.” Matty starts gently routing his fingers through your hair and he gives you a head massage.

He knows you’re tired and he remembers doing this to get you to relax to go to sleep endless times when you were together. “I knew I was down so so bad for you that day. And when you kissed me at the top, I knew you were it for me.”

Your heart bursts as the memories come back to you, and you’re closing your eyes even tighter in hopes that you’ll dream about it and relive it all over again. He makes your heart swell when he continues, “You made me feel so safe being with you up there… I just remember thinking ‘I love this girl so much, I never want to let her go’.”

You just about manage to say through the lump that’s just formed in your throat, “You’re so adorable.”

Matty smiles at that, and he can tell you're going to fall asleep any minute so he asks you, needing to know, “What about you? When did you fall for me.”

“Which time?” You say without really thinking about it.

Matty instinctively says, “The first time.” not fully processing what you just said.

“When you held my hand at my Aunt and Uncle's wedding during the speech when he started talking about my Dad…” Your tired voice explains and Matty wants to do nothing more than kiss you and hold you tighter when you say, “No one had ever done that for me before and you didn’t let go even after the subject moved on and I was so so thankful to you… I fell for you hard that day.”

Matty’s eyes tear up at that, and he can’t stop himself from quickly kissing the top of your head. He can feel the lump in his throat but he forces himself to take a few breaths so he doesn’t just start crying.

Matty had always asked you so many questions about your Dad and what he was like. He didn’t want you to ever feel like it was a subject you shouldn’t bring up as he knew that’s how your Mum sometimes made you feel. So it really means a lot to Matty that the reason you really knew you loved him is that moment.

At this point, you can feel yourself falling asleep so with every ounce of sincerity you can muster, you whisper, “Thank you for falling in love with me.”

Matty’s sure his heart stops for a second. Because his hand moving to give you your head massage definitely does for a second, but he covers that by kissing your head again before he whispers back, “You made it the easiest thing to do.”

Matty gets lost in his own memories of the both of you then. He goes over everything he can remember from the first time you met to you in his arms right now. And he holds you tighter when he thinks back to some of it, but he’s so grateful that you’ve found your way back into his arms now.

Matty can’t help but smile as he thinks about the conversation you just had with him. He loves how open you still are about everything, even if the alcohol is loosening your lips a little.

But then when he recalls near the end of your chat, when he asked if you remembered when you fell in love with him, he almost gasps when he realises what your reply was.

He’s unable to stop himself from thinking out loud and asking, “Wait, what did you mean which time?”

There was more than once that you fell in love with him? He knows that you’d always said that when you fell for both him and Alex it was because you’d just repressed your past feelings for him. But then after the both of you last slept together, the both of you knew that was a closing chapter in your life.

There was no doubt that Matty had since fallen for you again. With how supportive you were after Gabby split with him and how you’d been with him before lockdown, it makes his brain light up with the question, Has she fallen for me again?

But when Matty tries to look down at you for an answer, he realises you’re asleep in his arms. And that’s when he realises how long it’s been. Good At Falling is already at Faraway again meaning that that album has at least repeated itself more than once, so you’ve probably been asleep for a while now and he’s not noticed.

Your best friend lets you rest and now he stops giving you a head massage like he realises he has been doing for God knows how long and he just rests his hand on your back instead. However, Matty doesn’t know if it was the fact he stopped playing with your hair or something else that seemed to have you stir but after about 10 minutes you woke up.

“Sorry,” You hum, “I fell asleep.”

“Let’s go bed, Sweetheart.” Matty encourages, rubbing your back a little to encourage you up even though he doesn’t want to let you go.

However, you plead, “Can we stay here please?” really not wanting to move out of his arms and get into a cold bed that you didn’t have him to warm you up in.

“You’re lucky I connected the lights to my Alexa the other month.” Matty gives you the confirmation and you smile like a fool in love as you let yourself try to get back to sleep then.

You feel like you’ve never been so cosy. You wish you could stay here forever.

After Matty turns off the lights and music on his phone, he lets it fall back beside him and he cuddles you into him more. And when he gently rests his head against yours, you know he’s going to try and get some sleep as well which makes you happy.

Matty has always found sleep tedious, but somehow you make it a lot easier for him. He’s almost asleep when he hears you whisper, “So far.”

“What?” He hums, not understanding where it’s come from.

But you really make his heart warm and he falls asleep with a smile on his face when he hears your reply.

“They’re the best moments of your life so far.”

~*~*~*~ June 24th 2020 ~*~*~*~

“Look what Jamie just dropped off.” Matty walks back into his lounge with a huge grin on his face and he’s holding up the Notes On A Conditional Form vinyl.

“Oh my god,” You make grabby hands at it, so keen to finally see what it looks like in person. Matty giggles and passes it to you as he comes to sit beside you.

Eagerly you pull the record out of the sleeve and your jaw drops when you see how glorious the neon yellow pressing of it is. You coo, absolutely loving it, “It looks so pretty.”

“It does.” Matty hums, delighted at the vinyl itself and seeing the way you’re grinning at it.

After admiring it for a minute more, you carefully put it back into the sleeve and then back into the record jacket which you see is the alternate, minimalist version of the album art.

You did both of them as asked, neither were that hard but the one that has the yellow cover you know is going to be the cover of the album on Spotify and all the other streaming platforms so you decide to ask about it.

“I still don’t know why I did all that artwork for Notes and then you quickly went for the minimalist sleeve.” You raise an eyebrow, hoping he’d answer the question for you.

“Cheaper.” Matty tells you, “Better for the environment, and that’s what I’m passionate about at the minute.”

“Yeah,” You nod, thinking it through and realising it probably is, “Fair enough.”

You look at the record in your hands again though and ask Matty, “Can I please listen to it?”

“Mmm,” He hums, “I don’t know.”

You pout then, leaning that little bit closer as you say, “Please.”

Other than the songs you’d heard on tour, you had no idea what the others sound like. You know that the album overall is all of the electronic synths and that is the vibe they have gone for with this album but you’re just so keen to hear it all and in the order they all settled on.

“It’s out soon,” Matty reminds you, “Do you not wanna wait till the listening party?”

That was originally the plan, you were in no rush to hear it, but now you’re just so keen to listen to the new album as you haven't heard anything new in so long. And you’ve been eagerly waiting for this album since you were on the US tour with them last year when they were recording it in the back of the bus and you just let them be.

“No, I want to be rapidly tweeting along with you.” You say, despite knowing it’s just a few more weeks you would be waiting. But the excitement has hit you now the album is physically in your hands, “I wanna know every last word by then.”

Matty takes a few seconds then and you really don’t know which way he’s going to decide. But when he sighs, “Okay.” you have to double check.

There’s excitement in your voice when you do, “You’re gunna let me listen?”

“If you will let me have that last painting you did outside.” Matty grins.

It was just a quick one you’d done two nights ago. The sky was a mixture of red blue and purple and you captured the moment so well and despite it just being a quick painting you weren’t attached to, Matty loved it. Yet another one he would proudly frame and put up if you let him.

“Of course you can have it, Curly.” You smile, calling him by his nickname despite the fact he’s got his buzzcut now. You tell him truthfully, “Can have any of them, you don’t have to ask.”

Because the quick ones you’d been doing were just fun practice for you, you never got attached. You remember back when you were younger Matty always used to be amazed by them whilst you thought they were just okay, but the fact he still wants one now makes you stupidly happy.

Everything about him does though. He makes you happy and you’re finding it hard to keep that to yourself now.

“We can listen after tea, yeah?” Matty nods at the vinyl that you just put down on his coffee table.

You nod, hoping the day passes by quickly, “Sounds good, I’m really excited.”

You brightly grin at Matty then, and he smiles back but you can see that it doesn’t quite reach his eyes and immediately you ask him, “What’s up?”

Of course, he tries to cover up his emotions though and immediately says, “Nothing.”

At that you give him knowing eyes. You’ve known each other for 18 years, nothing is not going to be the answer he gives you when you can tell there’s something, however big or small, bothering him.

“Sorry,” Matty apologises for attempting to keep it from you, but he leans back into his seat and takes a deep breath before telling you the truth, “I just get nervous when I know you’re going to hear an album.”

You’re thankful that it’s only that, and you can instantly calm him because there’s no way you won’t love his album. You adore all of his others and think they’re amazing and you will tell him that if you need to.

“Really?” You have to ask, “Why are you nervous?”

“I don’t want you to hate it… I don’t want you to be upset at anything I’ve said, not that I think I've said anything in this album but it still worries me.” Matty explains, a sombre mood falls over him when he tells you something you didn’t know he knew about. “I know you told me about you listening in LA but Jamie told me how bad you were as well a few years back and it haunts me a little… I never wanted to make you feel like that.”

“No,” You shake your head, not wanting him to think about that because you know how he’s probably taken it, “Don’t apologise for that.”

You turn towards Matty properly as you take his hand to hold as you address that specific night, “I took a lot of those songs the wrong way the first few times I heard them. I took everything as a personal attack when a lot of the things weren’t about me either.”

You continue as you look into his brown eyes, silently pleading for him to believe you, “I was in a weird headspace back then and I was looking for things to hurt me. Everything's so much different now, Matty... I’m so much happier than I was and regardless I don’t hate any of the songs on that album. I listen and I think they are gorgeous even if they do still hit every now and again, but that's a risk with every album that’s about me, not just yours.”

“I-” Your best friend tries to start, but you need him to understand, so interrupt.

“I adore your music, Matty.” You put it as simply as possible for him, and you squeeze his hand when you say, “I love all of it… I-”

You have to stop yourself then because you almost tell him how you feel, something that you at least want to do after your birthday tomorrow. You’d like at least one more day of being as close as you are in case his feelings aren’t the same as yours.

“I loved A Brief Inquiry.” You start again and remind him, “Did you think I hated that album?”

“No, but I was still nervous when the release date came around.” Matty tells you honestly.

“Matty,” You want to hug him and never let go as you can still see the worry in his eyes. Thinking of things that can help, you remind him, “I’ve heard a few already and I don’t hate them.”

“Not even the things that are about you?” He questions because he really is worried about it.

The last thing he wants to do is upset you with anything he’s written about you. Even though he has been better with this album to not directly reference you, the lyrics just sort of ended up finding Matty and after he recorded them he realised a lot of them were about you and how he felt about you.

“No.” You promise him, “Writing songs has always been your cathartic way of getting your feelings out. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, and even if they do sting sometimes I don’t hate you for it Matty. I’m glad you’re getting it out.”

“I’m still so sorry for hurting you… For everything around 2016 really.” Matty’s eyes fall to his lap when he adds when his voice falters, “And everything earlier.”

Instantly, you know he’s thinking back to the accident. The cheating too but you know the accident is such a triggering subject for him you don’t want that to start plaguing him again like it once did.

“Hey.” You squeeze his hand. Gently asking him, “Please look at me.”

You see him blink a few times before he looks up and your heart bleeds for him. If you could take it all away from him you really would. The last thing you want is for him to feel guilty again about the accident that wasn’t his fault. You would literally find the police report again if you had to.

Seeing those brown eyes again but this time filled with a little more water than before, you remind him, “We agreed we’d live easier.”

“I know, but it still keeps me up sometimes, Wheels.” Matty says in a strained voice but he clears his throat a little to try again, “Not all the time, like it used to, but sometimes it just creeps back in.”

“Well that’s not allowed anymore.” You hope that he can hear just how much you mean your words in your voice as you promise him, “Just like your letter said about it being my reminder if I needed to remember how much I’m loved, I’m here and always will be to remind you that you’re forgiven.”

Matty has to look down at your hand then as his eyes fill with more water and his throat closes up. He takes your hand in both of his this time and he massages it for a silent minute and you just let him go through it, knowing he’ll speak up when he can and he wants to.

Your heart really does ache seeing him like this. All you want to do is trap him in a massive hug and tell him you love him and kiss him until all of those feelings go away.

And this is the moment you promise yourself that you're going to tell him how you feel. You’ll will do it the morning of the day after your birthday because you don’t want to waste anymore time. At this point you’re starting to feel like you’re hiding things from him and that’s the last thing you want.

Little did you know, Matty is having a similar conversation in his own head. After what you just told him, he doesn’t know how he hasn’t just told you how in love with you he is, and how everything that he once felt has come right back and it’s even stronger than it ever was.

He still finds it so shocking that you forgive him. Guilt still eats away at him a lot of the time, but it comes on in waves these days. Sometimes he’ll be okay for a while and then it will devour him for a few days at a time leaving him wanting to do nothing but curl up in bed and cry.

So the mere fact that you remind him that you’re able to forgive him has Matty emotional. He remembers you telling him before, that night in 2017, and you’ve told him again once or twice since but it really hits home for him now.

Hopefully things won’t keep him up tonight now you’ve reminded him of that. But he’ll probably just stay awake thinking about how he can possibly tell you the way he feels about you. Because he needs to tell you soon.

After a few minutes of you watching him, and him massaging your hand, Matty looks up at you and he smiles as much as he can and says, “Thank you, Sweetheart.” and he kisses the back of your hand too before repeating, “Thank you.”

~*~*~*~

You’re still a little certain Matty was putting it off for as long as possible for you both to listen to Notes tonight. Which you now understand but you were so insistent and excited Matty finally caved and put it on about 10pm.

You adored the new instrumentals that came after People, and you thought they were so beautiful. And the first new song with lyrics you heard was Yeah I Know which you really enjoyed too.

Then Because She Goes came on and you could sense Matty was a little on edge. He didn’t look at you during it which gave you an inkling that it might be about you. And when you heard the lyric ‘beautiful, please don’t cry, I love you’, you really hoped it was about you and it made you feel a little braver about telling him how you feel in a few days.

Jesus Christ 2005 has Matty singing with Phoebe Bridgers and as soon as they released the studio version a month ago, you’d fallen in love with it. You’d only heard Matty’s version of the song when he sang it during an interview in America that you were there for, but Phoebe’s vocals beside Matty’s made it even more gorgeous.

Roadkill made you laugh, as it was just a summary of that American tour and it sounds like a feelgood song. You also really loved the references to Robbers that he included too. Of course, you also already know Me & You Together Song but it makes your heart ache even more as you just long to tell Matty how in love with him you are.

Whilst you love the sound of I Think There’s Something You Should Know your heart hurts for Matty because he sounds like he’s going through it in the song, especially the second verse. It breaks your heart listening to what he’s talking about experiencing.

The first real line of Nothing Revealed / Everything denied being ‘I never fucked in a car, I was lying, I do it on my bed, lying down not trying’ makes you look at Matty acusingly. Because that was a blatant lie.

When the both of you couldn’t be at either Adam’s or his house the both of you went on your drives and got up to no good in the car. Both of you end up giggling through that song as you playfully call him a liar and you bully him for it and ask him again if he’s forgotten all of the things you got up to. You end up having to restart the song to hear it all properly as you were laughing so much.

Now you’re waiting for the next one to start which you can see from the back on the vinyl is Tonight (I Wish I Was Your Boy). As the beginning of it starts with the high pitched vocals, you quickly ask Matty, “Is this one about me?”

“The chorus is,” Matty looked like he was debating with himself before telling you that. But he continues, “Not the verses, I just made that up for a story to the song. But Yeah.”

You nod, not minding at all, as the title of the song really gives you some hope. But you need to listen first.

Matty goes shy on you again when the chorus starts, looking at the ground instead of your reaction. Which is fine but hearing him sing tonight I wish I was your boy makes you want to throw yourself at him and kiss him until you both need oxygen again.

As the song fades out Matty risks a glance at you, and when he already sees you looking longingly at him his heart leaps in his chest. He doesn’t really know where the confidence comes from, but he ends up turning the music down a little whilst he asks, “Did I fuck it royally?”

“No,” You shake your head, your voice soft with a little trace of amusement in it as you clarify, “You didn’t fuck it, you muppet.”

You’re trying to say it without actually saying it and you know that it really isn't what you should do, but what you said gives Matty that little push he needs.

“Listen Wheels,” Matty turns to you a little more, and shuffles closer to you on the settee as he starts, “I’ve been wanting to tell you that over the last few weeks… I’ve really enjoyed you being around again and I- I don’t know if I should be saying this…”

You feel like your heart is in his throat as he continues, “I guess I’ve been nervous about it, but it’s you. You’re my Wheels and I shouldn’t feel nervous talking to you, and… yeah.”

The smile you’re trying to suppress is really fighting to come out as you watch Matty fidget and look almost anywhere but at you. His hands run over his short hair, a new habit of his now he can’t tuck his hair behind his ears when he’s nervous. But at this point you know what he’s trying to say.

“And you deserve the truth if nothing else, and I guess I just want to tell you that I-, we-, I-” Matty stumbles on his words before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before saying, “Sorry, just give me a second.”

Despite your heart now thudding rapidly in your chest. You work up the courage to do it. Just a few seconds of mindless bravery and you hope with everything that you have that it will pay off in the way you want it to.

“I’m in love with you, Matty.” You tell him.

It’s to the point, plain and simple. No room for any misunderstandings to take place, and as soon as you’ve told your truth you feel lighter for it. He knows… The ball is in his court now.

Immediately Matty looks up at you, shock clear in his voice, “What?”

“Yeah.” You nod, and you tell him everything, “It’s been on my mind for months, even more whilst I’ve been here. But I was scared to tell you.”

Matty ends up asking, “Why were you scared?” despite him not even being able to get his words out to tell you himself because he felt exactly the same way.

“Scared you wouldn’t want to try again with me.” Saying that makes you a little emotional.

It’s a scary possibility and the thought of it hurts your soul more than you’d ever let on if this did end up going the other way. But you’re worrying for absolutely nothing.

“Wheels, you’re all I’ve ever wanted,” Matty’s getting choked up as he smiles and tells you, “I love you so fucking much and I always have.”

Hearing that makes your eyes prick with tears, but even more so when he continues, “Of course I’d want to try again. Been dreaming about the idea for weeks.”

You giggle, wiping away your watery eyes before it turns into real tears, “So have I.”

It’s just relief flooding your system and seeing that Matty is the exact same makes you feel a little better about it. Both of you laugh as you dry your eyes before Matty chuckles, “Fuck sake Sweetheart. Come here.”

And you don’t hesitate for a second. His arms are open to you and you throw yourself into them, but immediately you attach your lips to his.

You’ve missed the feeling of him so much, the way his kisses light up your whole body and make everything feel okay. Kissing him feels like you're young, like it's the first time all over again and you never want to let him go.

It's a searing kiss, filled with all the longing and passion you have for each other as you hold onto him tightly, completely afraid to let go. It almost feels like a dream, but one that you’re certain each of you wouldn’t mind never waking up from.

With each kiss you’re trying to silently tell him just how much you love him over and over again and Matty is matching your intensity, making you feel his love like you’re hoping he feels yours. He’s your Curly, your match made in heaven, your soulmate, you were always meant to mean this much to each other in some way or another.

Both of you don’t want the moment to end, your lips feeling lonely and tingling for more when you pull away. But you have so much you want to say to him that you hold yourself back from kissing him until both your lips are swollen.

Matty is holding your waist tightly as you straddle his lap, but when you pull back, he can’t help but giggle as he tucks your hair behind your ear as he admits, “I’ve been wanting to kiss you for weeks.”

“Same.” You giggle, and both your thumbs are brushing his cheeks as you hold his face. And you’re so stupidly happy that you’re back in his arms that you’re trying to memorise everything about this moment. You tell him softly, “I’ve missed you.”

Matty’s watching you too, no doubt taking the moment in as well, but he makes your heart burst for him even more when he kisses you again and he mumbles against your lips, “I’ve missed you so much more.”

This time you kiss him properly, deepening it almost straight away. And it could be a minute or it could be ten that passes but neither of you care, you’re just beyond happy to be kissing each other again and with the knowledge that you know you love each other too, it makes things all the more special.

When the both of you part, neither of you move away. You have your foreheads against each others as you catch your breath and share a quiet moment.

Matty smiles as he brushes his nose against yours in the softest eskimo kiss, loving the way he can practically see your eyes sparkle. You can’t disguise the pure and utter elation that you’re feeling.

“So?” Matty hums, the huge grin on his face not leaving for a second. He can’t really believe he gets to ask, “Curly and Wheels round two?”

Your heart melts entirely and you nod, wanting nothing more in the world. You tell him honestly, “You’re it for me, Matty.”

He wants to cry hearing that because that’s exactly how he feels. You feel like you could burst with happiness when he nods, agreeing entirely, “I want it all with you, Sweetheart.”

“I’m going to marry you.” You promise him, giggling slightly but that’s what you’ve always wanted with him.

“Good,” Matty nods, and he’s grinning like a fool when he says, “Because I will ask at some point.”

You giggle at that before kissing him again. You’re beyond words, beyond happy, and entirely too emotional to do anything else. All you can do is kiss the man you love with everything you have left to give him.

Both of you find it difficult to keep kissing, as all you wanted to do was carry on grinning. You have no doubt that for a long while you’ll be like this, all gooey and obnoxiously in love with each other but you already don’t want to change anything about it.

Matty loves you so much, and he always has and always will. Hearing you say that you loved him before was like cupid had shot him through the heart with an arrow all over again. Never for a second did he think he would get this second chance with you but the fact you seem to have felt the same way for months, just like him, has him thanking every higher power there might be.

From the first moment his eyes landed on you, he knew you were it for him. Forever would you plague his mind, body, and soul in the best way possible. It has meant that he’s loved you with everything he has, on every possible level imaginable, and he can’t let himself think about it for too long because he doesn’t want to cry, even though they would be happy tears.

Instead Matty pulls on your hair a little to stop you from pulling away and he bites your bottom lip too, still loving the way you react when you do it. And even when he pulls away to gently kiss all over your face to make you softly giggle before teasingly kissing down your neck, he’s just so thrilled your back in his arms and he gets to experience everything with you all over again but now with a fresh start.

He’s not ever going to fuck it again. You mean far far too much to him to ever let anything stupid happen again.

Of course, whilst you love him kissing your neck, right now you want his lips on your own again, but without his curls to pull on to encourage him back up it’s a little difficult. You end up giggling a little as you move your hand under his jaw and nudge him back up to you that way.

After a few more kisses, you pull away, before pleading, “Please can you grow your hair back. Please.”

You need his curls back. Whilst it's not a deal breaker, you miss them so much and all you want to do is be able to play with his hair again.

Matty giggles at your appeal, knowing it was bound to come at some point. But he nods and promises you, “Yes, I’ll grow my hair back.”

Truthfully, he would probably promise you anything at this moment in time with you like this in his arms again.

“Missed my Curly so much.” You fake a pout as you run your fingers over what little hair he has at the moment.

“I’ve always been right here, Sweetheart.” Matty reminds you, “Not going anywhere.”

Your heart feels like it could burst again, and you tell him again, “I love you.”

And like he’s always been able to, Matty can see just how much you mean it in your eyes. You’ve always been so easy for him to read and he adores that he can see how much it affects you when he tells you, “I love you.”

You all but melt in his arms, and you’re completely and utterly besotted with him. You kiss him again and it’s just as electric as it was years ago. From the little pecks to the lengthy kisses, he takes your breath away and you’ve always taken his away.

Even when you eventually part, and just sit beside each other to cuddle together and Matty puts the end of the album on at your request, you can’t stop grinning. Not even when he goes back to where you were up to and he realises what was playing when you told each other how you felt.

“I’ve just realised you told me you love me whilst Shiny Collarbone was on in the background.” Matty sighs, “That’s really not how I envisioned that going.”

You can’t help but giggle at that now though, finding it rather hilarious after just hearing the song properly again.

“Not what I imagined either,” You laugh, “It’s yet another unconventional but very us moment, that’s for certain. But I love that.”

You end up cuddling into him even more as you both lie down on his settee and listen to the end of the album. You’ll have to have a proper listen again tomorrow because for the last half of it you’re entirely too joyous to pay it the attention it deserves.

Especially because your head is buried into Matty’s neck for most of it as you whisper how much you love him.

Matty shamelessly asks you after a couple of songs, “Do you wanna watch True Romance after the album and tell me you love me because I wanna watch it and tell you?”

“Of course I do.” You smile, kissing just below his ear before you trace them up his jaw until you find those pretty lips of his again.

You stay in that loved up bubble until his new album ends and even then it’s almost a hardship for you to let each other go for long enough to set True Romance up for you both to watch.

Of course, all throughout the film you’re stealing kisses from each other in between quoting the characters. In the parts neither of you care for, you cuddle yourself into the other more, loving the feeling of being back in each other's arms as close as you’ve wanted to be for weeks with the freedom to kiss each other.

I love you’s and I adore you’s were said throughout. Some whispered like it was a fun little secret that you were telling each other, others professed like you want to shout it from the rooftops.

But when the film draws to a close, with the happy ending version obviously, you kiss Matty as the iconic soundtrack music of You’re So Cool plays. And when you pull away, you’re grinning as you tell him, “I love you so much, Curly.”

Whilst you know in your heart it's impossible for him to, you do love it when Matty kisses you whilst he promises, “I love you so so so so so much more, Wheels.”

~*~*~*~ July 24th 2020 ~*~*~*~

Going to a live-in studio after a week of isolation from you all was probably the best thing for all of you. The only downside of it would be that you and Matty haven’t yet told any of the band that you’re back together again, officially or otherwise. They know nothing.

You’d done this mostly because of the fact you and Matty were nothing if not self-aware. You’ve been obnoxiously and almost sickeningly sweet with each other.

Since getting back together, you’ve barely left each other alone. You go on walks together, you eat together, you sit practically in the same seat despite there being a full settee for the both of you, and not to mention the way you cling to each other when you’re cuddling in bed.

It’s been nice just the two of you getting silently acquainted with each other again, both body and mind. Both of you have been the happiest you have in a long long time and you knew nothing would change that.

But now lockdown restrictions are a little easier, and the boys album is finally out, of course Matty was itching for something else to do. So that is how you’ve all ended up at this studio that you will be living in for the next few months.

You know you and Matty are staying here for the full time, as is George. You know that Adam will come and go so Carly isn’t on her own all the time, and you know Ross has been staying at his mates house over lockdown too so he might go between you all and them too.

It’s honestly a miracle that either you or Matty have let each other go long enough to get all of your stuff in the house. You’ve done a pretty good job at leaving each other alone too whilst you greet the rest of your friends but now it’s got to the point where you need to tell them.

The five of you are in the big lounge this place has and you take a deep breath before you stand up.

Here goes nothing.

“Okay,” You get their attention, “So you know I’ve been staying with Matty and-.”

“Yeah,” George interrupts, “Pretty offended you called him and not me.”

Instantly you snort at that, a serious moment quickly becoming funny with his fake jealousy and glare. You pout, “I’m sorry Georgie.”

He hums in fake forgiveness but the smirk that pulls at his lips gives him away that he’s joking. You’re about to start again, but just as you open your mouth, the drummer speaks up again, “You’re looking very pretty today, Baby.”

Whilst the nickname still makes your cheeks go hot, you say, “Thank you George.” before you try again, “But yeah, like I was saying, I’v-”

Of course, he interjects again, not letting you get your words out. He opens his arms and says, “Come and give me a cuddle. I've not had one in months and it’s unfair when you’ve probably had loads of Matty.”

You sigh then, but hide it as you look down to the ground so he can’t see. After a second, you walk towards him saying, “A quick one, okay?”

The drummer nods and he happily embaraces you, letting you sit on his lap for a moment as you cuddle into his big chest. You’ve certainly missed George’s hugs whilst you’ve not been forced to be separate from everyone.

After a long few seconds you try to pull back from him but his arms stay fixed around you. So you have to tap on his chest as you instruct, “Right, let me up.”

“No,” George says as he hugs you tighter, “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” You giggle, “But we have all the time in the world.”

“Nothing as important as right now.” The drummer squishes you into an even bigger hug.

You just give in at this point and let him hold on to you. Catching Matty’s eye you know he’s getting slightly irritable now, purely because you know he’s wanted to be honest with Adam and this new delay from George is grating on him.

Bless your boyfriend though, he’s been really worried about telling Adam. He thinks that your cousin is going to kick off at him and be against your relationship, and Matty’s worried it’s going to come between his friendship with him but also how close you and Adam are.

You’ve told him time and time again that Adam will be fine with it. That Adam will be happy for the both of you, but Matty doesn’t seem to think so.

Secretly, you think that might be something to do with how protective Adam was of you after the first time you split up, with him not letting Matty fight for you or even come to collect his things from your flat. You know your cousin was just trying to minimise the hurt you were going through back then and you wish it could have been different, but that’s how it played out and it’s left Matty quite scared now.

“George,” You say seriously now, “I need to tell you all something.”

“Tell us from here.” George tries to bargain, but you need to get up.

Playfully you try to tickle him to get out, but you forget that he’s a lot stronger than you and he doesn’t like being tickled.

Immediately his hands are around your wrists stopping you, and he pulls you back into him, your wrists at his chest and he widens his eyes at you. You try and get your apology out but he’s too quick, both of your wrists are now in one of his hands and you glare and warn him, “Tickle me and I’ll hurt you.”

But of course, you’re in his lap all you can do when he tickles you is writhe and plead for him to stop. You despise the feeling of being tickled and you’ve punched him before now for him trying to do it, you’d punch anyone for trying to do it, but how you’re stuck and George is having a good laugh at you.

Matty, having enough of it with how stressed he currently is, accidentally lets the news slip as he tells George off, “Will you get off my girlfriend!”

“Your girlfriend?” Ross’ asks, at the same time George’s eyes go wide and he stops tickling.

You sigh, thankful for now being released, you tell them, “We were about to tell you.”

“I can’t believe the day finally came.” George says, deciding now he would just rest his hands on your thighs.

Ross starts to interrogate you, “Since when?”

You tell them truthfully, “The day before my birthday.”

“And you moved in with Matty when?” The bassist looks to your boyfriend for an answer.

Matty thinks for a second but he recalls, “The beginning of June.”

“Wow,” Ross appears to look back around at you with a massive shit eating grin on his face when he says, “Not even three weeks.”

“Why do you care?” Matty asks, almost accusingly.

George grumbles, “Because he’s just won a bet.”

“What?” You question, noting his disheartened face and Ross’ elated one.

“Ross said less than a month,” George explains whilst he digs his wallet out of his pocket, “I said more.”

As you see him counting out £50 in cash, you shake your head at both of them, “You’re both little shits.”

“No, that’s you for losing me money.” The drummer scorns you as he reaches across to hand his friend the money.

“No, you’ve done great,” Ross grins, taking it and pocketting it immediately before he leans down and kisses the top of your head, “I'm very happy for you.”

You’re happy about that, and Matty seems very amused that his friends have had a bet on the two of you. Truthfully it really wasn’t that surprising, but it made it all a bit more lighthearted. And you and Matty really are predictable like that so it’s funny they have tried to make a profit off of you both.

However, you realise that the most important person you wanted to tell has yet to speak a word. You look over to your cousin and try to gauge his reaction, “Ads?”

He’s silent in his chair, just watching you all. It has Matty’s heart racing and not in a good way at all. A quiet Adam could result in many different things, the worst being when he looks disappointed, closely followed by the times he’s exploded in anger, but none of you can predict how this is about to go.

And that’s why you look at him and sincerely plead, “Ads please please don’t be upset, it’s really not to make your life difficult, I just-”

“Y/N,” Your cousin holds a hand up to stop you from overthinking, “As long as you’re happy and my twat of a best mate doesn't hurt you ever again, even once, I’m happy for you.”

At that you smile and just glance at Matty because you knew he would be happy for you.

“Not going to hurt her ever, Hann,” Matty promises, looking your cousin dead in the eyes when he says, “I swear on my Nana.”

Adam maintains his eye contact for a few silent seconds, just to intimidate him the tiniest bit more before he visibly relaxes and smiles, “Then I’m happy for the both of you.”

“Wait,” Matty looks like he can’t believe what’s just been said. He asks your cousin, “Really?”

You interject thought to remind Matty, and you have a big grin on your face as you say, “I told you he’d be fine.”

Matty looks at you like he just might cry, and he looks back at Adam again wanting confirmation, “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, of course I am.” Adam nods and he looks at Matty sincerely when he says, “You’ve always loved her Matty, and you make her happy… She’s been in love with you again for months.”

You’re feeling all gooey inside watching this take place. And your cousin knows you so very well that you didn’t even have to tell him that you loved him again

Tears prick your boyfriend’s eyes then, and he holds no shame at all in letting a tear or two fall before he then leaps on your cousin shouting, “I love you Adam Hann!”

“I love you, I love you, I love you!” Matty yells at the top of his lungs before he grabs the sides of Adam’s face and he pulls him into a big sloppy kiss.

The kiss has you, George, and Ross cackling instantly and you’re so happy Ross manages to take a picture of it. It lasts a fair few seconds much to Adam’s disgust and the rest of your amusement. But it’s just fucking cute to see Matty so fucking happy and entirely relived, even if he does torture your closest family.

When Matty pulls away, and Adam tries his best not to laugh, Matty sits on his lap and continues shouting, “Thank you for your cousin! Thank you thanks for letting me fuck her and not getting too upset about it. Thank you for being a fucking legend, I love you, I love you, I love you.”

And your boyfriend pecks kisses all over his face too feeling so overwhelmed with joy. He’s adorable.

“God, I’m gunna kiss your Mum when I next see her too.” Matty chuckles, “Maybe even your Dad too.”

You laugh fully hearing that because he probably would. And your cousin looks even more disgusted by it all, which is even better.

“Please no,” Adam pleads, still trying to push Matty away, “I’m letting you kiss my cousin, not my Mum.”

“Thank you Hann,” Matty kisses his forehead again, “I love you so much.” before he traps him in a tight hug that has your heart melting.

“I love you too Matty.” Adam grins and he hugs your boyfriend right back.

As you’re watching this cute, sweet, heartfelt moment take place, you just sit back in George’s lap and enjoy the moment. You adore that your boyfriend loves your cousin just as much as you do, and you’ll always love their friendship.

However, as you’re admiring them, George whispers in your ear, “Does this mean our threesome can happen now?”

You almost choke on air. That truly was the last thing you expected George to say as you’re witnessing this wholesome practically family embrace happening in front of you.

Unable to stop yourself, you snort and shake your head in disapproval at him. But instead of giving him an answer, you just jokingly pat his cheek and say, “Give me another month with him, Babe.”

George chuckles at that, and he wraps his arms around your waist so he can hug you as he says, “In all seriousness, I’m really happy for you Baby.” and he leans down and kisses your shoulder.

“Thank you Georgie.” You pout and you kiss the top of his head because despite being a menace you do love him and he’s adorable. You want him to find his real soulmate now, and you even gently knock your head against his as you smile, “Just gotta find you your girl now.”

“Yeah,” George hums, but he sounds disheartened when he admits, “Can't see that happening any time soon.”

And you know he means with lockdown restrictions and everything happening in the world right now. And he’s not that big on doing anything online but you have faith he will find his girl when he least expects it.

You just smile and assure him, “She’ll come spinning in soon, I have no doubt.”

George grins and leans forward to kiss your cheek quickly. And you realise he’s done that right before Matty gently grabs your hand and drags you up from your seat.

Your boyfriend traps you in a tight hug as he says, “I love your brother.”

“I love him too.” You chuckle, and Matty very quickly kisses your lips before you head to Adam and he jumps on George and starts celebrating like it’s the first time he’s ever kissed you.

You wrap your arms around your cousin when you say, “I love you Ads.”

“Love you too.” He responds and you love the way he hugs you even tighter when he assures you, “I’m really really happy for you both.”

“Thank you for assuring him,” You whisper, looking over Adam’s shoulder to see your boyfriend now entirely at peace and horrendously happy. You tell your brother, “He was really really worried.”

“I could tell. But honestly B, as long as you’re happy, I’m happy.” Adam promises, pulling away from the hug to look into your eyes and remind you, “And he’s obsessed with you, it was only a matter of time before you two found each other again.”

“Don’t make me cry Bro.” You warn him because that nearly got you.

Adam just chuckles then and you chat about how Carly and their dog Stevie is for a few minutes. That is before something occurs to your cousin and he has to ask you about it.

“Have you told Alex by the way?” Adam asks you.

“Not yet, I'm going for a walk with him next week and I'm going to tell him then.” You explain, “I wanted to tell yous first so please don't say anything until I do.”

You feel like you owe your other best friend that much at the very least after everything you’ve been through.

“Don't worry, I won't.” Adam promises, “If you had I was just wondering how it went, but I’m sure it’ll be fine. He will just want you to be happy, same as me.”

“Hope so.” You smile.

You are a little worried about it, but after everything you’ve been through you know in your heart that everythings going to be fine when you tell him about you and Matty. You know your best friend just as well as you know your cousin, and you knew he would be fine so you can’t imagine Alex being funny about it.

Adam assures you though, “I know so.”

The rest of your first day at the studio is really fun, and you adore that you get to spend so much time with them over the next few months. After going from no one to having your family right back in front of you it makes you feel so thankful and grateful that you’ve all been okay.

Whilst no other artists are here that they want to record with, you really do want to make the most of your time alone with them. And that first night, you all ended up ordering a huge banquet for you all, and you had the best time laughing and eating and drinking the night away.

Arguably, the funniest part of the night was the moment Matty called you over, “Hey Wheels?”

“Curly.” You grin as you walk over to take his extended hand and he pulls you towards him so you can sit down on his lap.

You happily oblige, but not before pressing a kiss to his lips.

Your boyfriend is all smiley when you pull back, and he silently thanks his lucky stars that you’re his again before he asks what he called you over for, “Can I ask you a few words in French?”

“Course you can.” You nod, happy to help him with anything he’s curious about.

“Okay, how do you say ‘bag’?” Matty asks.

“That’s an easy one.” You hum, “Sac.”

George then chips in and asks, “And the number one is Un, right?”

“Yep,” You smile, encouraging him even though that is primary school knowledge, “Très bien.”

“What’s ten?” Matty asks, drawing your attention back to him.

“Dix.” You tell him, giving him the benefit of the doubt because he’s drunk, but he really should know that, drunk or not.

George asks you again, “And how do you say ‘happiness’?

“Bonheur.” You tell them with a little grin on your face because that’s the exact emotion you’re feeling.

You’ve just had a lovely meal with your family and you’re having the best time getting drunk with them. An evening filled with endless laughs and you’re too elated and blissfully unaware as to how you’re being set up.

“Say all them words in a sentence for me.” Matty asks, giving your waist a squeeze of encouragement, “I know it won’t make sense but please do it.”

Clearly, because you’ve had alcohol yourself, you don’t realise the trap that you’re about to walk straight into.

“Bag, one, ten, happiness?” You frown for a second, but Matty nodding in approval has you doing it without much thinking. You say them all together for him without giving it much thought, “Sac on dix bonheur.”

Matty and George burst out cackling at the same time then, and then you realise what you’ve said. The phrase loosely sounds like you’re saying, ‘Sat on this boner’ in English.

“You're such a dickhead Matthew.” You smack him over the back of his head playfully. You stand up, getting off his lap as you retake your seat between a chuckling Ross and Adam.

You look at the two best friends on the other side of the table and scorn them accordingly, “I did not learn an entirelanguage for you to do that to me.”

“Hey,” Matty holds up his hands in surrender but his amused grin never leaves his face. He looks like he could burst out laughing at any second as he says, “Just trying to be funny.”

“Stop trying to be funny in a foreign language,” You shake your head, “It doesn't work. Especially like that.”

“Was pretty funny to me.” George mumbles behind his hand but you hear him loud and clear.

“Fuck off George!” You shout at him before picking up your glass of wine and downing the last of it.

“Aw Babyyyyy, don’t be like that.” George pouts then, pretending to be all concerned with you until he cracks and says, “I just want you to bag one ten happiness, Baby.”

At that, Matty and Ross drunkenly snort the loudest you’ve possibly ever heard before they burst into a shriek of laughter. George joins in and it takes everything you have to not laugh along with them because even Adam cracked at that and he usually hates jokes about you like that.

“Ross,” You shake your head, “I expected better of you.”

“I’m only mere mortal, Y/N/N.” He laughs before he traps you in a side hug, “Besides, you wanna bag one George and Matty’s happiness too.”

The whole table erupts back up then, and you start laughing. It’s Matty and George’s drunken breathless cackles that have you laughing, and you just push Ross’ shoulder as you fake disapprove of his joke.

You love these boys so much, and despite them all being absolute menaces, it really is good to see the old gang all back together.

But Christ, this is going to be a long few months

~*~*~*~ 3 days later ~*~*~*~

“What you doin’?” Matty makes you jump as he pulls your AirPod out of your ear whilst you were listening to Favourite Worst Nightmare particularly loud.

You turn back to scorn him with a distasteful frown, and at the same time you quickly close your laptop. Acting innocent, you say, “Nothing.”

Matty chuckles at your shocked reaction, but the way you shut your laptop far too quickly has your boyfriend curious, “What were you looking at?”

“Nothing.” You maintain your ground.

“Wheels…” Matty smirks, “Shall I get George to hold you down whilst I tickle you, or do you wanna just tell me?”

Teasingly he leans down over you then, and you maintain eye contact with him trying to seem like you have some sort of ability to say no to him. But that only lasts a few seconds because your boyfriend just leans down and kisses you sweetly until you’re both giggling.

“I was looking at puppies, okay?” You give in and tell him.

The only reason you didn’t want to tell your boyfriend that is because you don’t want him to think that you’re sad for looking at cute dogs whilst he’s busy at work and you don’t feel like painting today. Sometimes looking at puppies is all the serotonin boost a person could need.

“Puppies?” Matty raises his eyebrows in slight surprise.

“Yeah,” You nod, “In the first few months of lockdown I was really debating getting one.”

Matty sits down on the settee beside you, and he excitedly says, “Show me.”

“Really?” You ask a little wide eyed.

“Yes, I love dogs,” Matty reminds you, before laughing, “Sweetheart, where have you been? That Coup De Main photoshoot with the puppies was the best one ever.”

You smile thinking back to those adorable pictures of your friends and you open your laptop back up to show him your favourites which takes at least 20 minutes. Matty finds it funny how you’ve gone as far as to bookmark the ones you absolutely adore, but he thinks his heart stops when you show him a black Cane Corso puppy.

“This little guy was borning back in April and no one has snatched him up yet.” You show your boyfriend all the pictures of this cute little guy getting bigger as the pictures go on. “I’ve watched him get older at this point.”

“Oh my god, look at him.” Matty coos loudly at a particular picture of the cute pup giving the camera those eyes that you just can’t say no too.

“He’s fucking adorable.” You quickly agree, and you’re about to change to close your laptop again when Matty stops you when he excitedly points at your screen.

“Wheels!” Your boyfriend gasps excitedly, and you see him point at the location the pup is at, “That’s like a forty minute drive away!”

“Yeah, I know.” You sigh, not thinking much of it and you wonder why he’s so excited.

And Matty turns to you and says, “Let’s fucking call them and get him.”

Your eyes go wide, “What?”

“Let’s go and get him.” Matty repeats, but this time he’s more excited, like a puppy himself who hasn’t been trained yet.

Just to be certain, you ask, “You wanna get a dog?”

“If you wanna get a dog with me, Wheels, I will get one with you?” Matty is grinning so hard, his cheeks start to hurt. But he is serious when he adds. “I don’t wanna pressure you, like if you don’t want to because I’ll be away on tour sometimes and you don’t want to be left with him. We don’t have to but if you wanna get a dog with me I wanna get one with you.”

“I don’t feel pressured,” You promise him, “I just didn’t think you’d wanna get a dog today... Besides, a dog would be nice company when you’re away anyway, that isn’t a hardship. A dog would be easier to deal with than you some days.”

“But you won’t have to deal with me not being here for a while yet,” Matty leans forward and kisses your lips a few times between him grinning like a child who wants a sweet. “So… We could call and see if he’s still available?”

You can’t even pretend like that’s not a great idea. Kissing him back quickly, you question, “Do you wanna call or shall I?”

~*~*~*~

You were the one that ended up calling the owner up and after a lengthy chat, you went to see the puppy. And he was fucking adorable.

The owner did their checks on you and Matty, seeing if they felt comfortable enough around the two of you, asked you about the quality of life you could give the dog with where you both lived and they seemed pleased with your answers and the way you interacted with the puppy. From yours and Matty’s point of view it all felt like the interview of sorts was going well and you were really pleased with their decision.

They decided that they were happy enough to sell you the cute little Cane Corso puppy and that’s how you’ve ended up with the little guy on your knee as Matty drives back to the live-in studio.

The little guy is currently asleep on the makeshift bed of blankets you brought with you and you’ve been stroking him non-stop to keep him settled. You can’t stop looking at him and you know Matty feels the same and as every chance he has he’s glancing at your new puppy.

Matty grins at you, “I can’t wait to get him toys and to play with him.” and he gives the pups head a little scratch whilst he doesn’t need to change gear.

Your boyfriend can’t stop looking at the way there’s a smile permanently fixed on your face. Even you cooing and awhing at the small dog, he can tell has you all gooey inside and him seeing the two of you together has Matty feeling the exact same.

“Oh, I have no doubt that you and this little guy getting into play flights will be pure mayhem,” You laugh, “Especially in the studio with George there to tease him as well.”

“Mayhem…” Matty hums, a smile growing on his lips. “That’s a cool name.”

“You wanna call him Mayhem?” You almost gasp, looking down at the poor dog who has been nothing but sweet and playful in your presence. You cuddle him closer, “But he’s so cute.”

“But did you see him with his Mum, he was so chaotic,” Matty chuckles thinking back to the owner's dog and the way the pup interacted with its Mum, bouncing about around her and probably annoying the older dog a little. It was cute, so Matty says again, “Mayhem would be such a fitting name. Or we could call him Chaos.”

You think about it for a second, and you really can’t imagine yourself shouting Chaos at the park when you take him out for a walk. So you agree to Matty’s first suggestion.

You quickly tell him, “I prefer Mayhem.”

“Mayhem it is, Sweetheart.” Matty confirms with a nod.

You laugh, finding deciding on a name in a car with Matty all too familiar. But you wouldn’t change it for the world.

After about 10 minutes, little Mayhem is awake again and he keeps trying to move out of your lap to sniff and lick Matty which he does to his arm a few times. You have again just had to pick the puppy up and place him back in your lap as he was trying to get to your boyfriend.

“No no no, you can play with your Dad when we get home. Cuddle me Mayhem.” You tell the puppy as you cuddle him into your chest again. But then he looks up at you with those adorable eyes and you start babying him, “Yeah, you’re Mayhem. That's your new name. And you’re so so cute.”

Matty can’t help but find this whole interaction rather adorable as you continue on, “I'm going to need you to stay this cute forever, or at the very least until your Dad goes back on tour and you can be my guard dog and my best friend. Deal?”

And like he can understand you, Mayhem licks your nose as if in agreement which makes you giggle, “Thank you Mayhem.”

Matty’s heart just melted watching what he could of that scene which just took place. He loves you so fucking much and he can’t wait for Mayhem to worm his way into his heart almost as deep as you go.

Thankfully for Matty, the traffic in front of him stops at a red light so he can reach over and scratch Mayhem’s head, but when you look at your boyfriend you see that he’s smiling at you with a lot of emotion in his eyes.

“What?” You ask gently as you smile back at him.

“I’m just happy Sweetheart.” Matty grins, and he genuinely means it with the whole of his being.

His chest feels full with the love he has for you and the visual of you holding the new addition to your little family. Matty doesn’t think he’s ever been as happy as he is right this second.

“I'm glad,” You smile at your boyfriend, and you lean down to kiss the top of Mayhem’s head as he licks Matty’s wrist and you say, “I have no doubt he’ll be a handful but we can handle it.”

“We can.” Matty nods, his smile getting bigger when he says, “This little guy is just practise for when we start a proper family, ey?

It takes everything you have to not let your eyes well up then. Instead you just look at the man you love with the whole of your heart and nod, “Yeah.”

For a few seconds, you both look at Mayhem, laughing a little when he goes to nip Matty’s hand because he’s getting a little too excited. But when Matty scratches the dog's head instead, you tell your boyfriend to make sure he’s aware, “I love you, you know.”

Your words make his heart swell, and his do the same to you when he sincerely tells you, “I love you more.”

You shake your head, “Impossible.” because with the way you feel about him, you don’t know how he could love you more.

But he really can. He’s loved you since he first saw you, and he will remind you every single day that he loves you more than he ever thought possible.

“Not for me.” Matty shakes his head and leans across to kiss you.

~*~*~*~ August 7th 2020 ~*~*~*~

Of course when you got back to the studio a few days ago, the guys absolutely loved Mayhem. The evening of work they had planned was thrown out of the window entirely.

Everyone loved the dog, you and Matty barely got a moment to yourselves with your new dog, but thankfully you got that when you went to bed and Mayhem came and cuddled you both. And the owner had already had him vaccinated too so you got your moments alone with your puppy when you went out on walks too.

He’s a good dog, completely adorable and as he’s a little older than most puppies usually are when they leave their Mum, he was trained a little too. There was still work to do but you have all the time in the world with him.

Matty kept calling him chonky which never failed to make you laugh. You were honestly so thrilled, and even today when you drove back to London with Mayhem so you could go on your walk with Alex in his local park, you’re excited for someone else to meet your new dog too.

Alex met you at the park, and immediately he crouched down to Mayhem’s level and let the dog sniff, lick, and even jump on him. Your best friend looks like he could spend all his time with your new dog and you both laugh when he jokingly told you to go back home and he would take Mayhem on the walk.

When he stands up, you hug your best friend so tight as the last time you got to hug him was back in March. It’s been a fucking long 5 months.

You and Alex walk and catch up with each other for a long while. And obviously it gets to a point where you have to tell him about your relationship status.

After just building your way up to getting it out, you just end up telling him simply, “Me and Matty are back together…”

You find that you’re almost bracing yourself for some sort of negative reaction from him, but instead your best friend keeps a straight face, and he looks at you and asks, “Are you happy?”

“Yeah,” You nod, “I really am.”

You have no doubt that this is the happiest you’ve ever been. You’re hopelessly in love with your boyfriend and all of your friends are fine and healthy in the midst of the pandemic you’re currently in.

The painting’s you’re doing are the best you’ve ever done. You’re the most inspired to create you ever have been, and you’re happy in your own body and in yourself.

“Good,” Alex smiles, and he playfully nudges your shoulder as he says, “I’m happy for you. For you both.”

And it’s like relief floods you. All you’ve ever wanted is for both of your best friends to get along, and you realise it was partly your fault that they never did, but after hearing Alex say he’s happy for both of you, it makes you think that they can actually be friends with each other now.

“Thank you, that’s all I want for you too.” You’re grinning like a fucking idiot with how joyous you currently feel. “I just want you to find someone and be really happy with them.”

“Thank you Angel.” Alex says, but then you watch as he looks down to the ground and tries to hide a huge smile coming to his face.

Immediately, you stop walking, much to Mayhem's distress, but you make your best friend look at you when you ask, “What was that grin?”

“Nothing.” He shakes his head, and he goes shy, so you know something is going on. Or more like someone.

“Alexander Turner, that was not nothing,” You’re grinning now, seeing him all embarrassed. You don’t let it go, you press on, “You had someone in mind… Who was it?”

“I’m sort of speaking to someone and it’s at the point where we never want to be off the phone to each other.” Alex admits and his cheeks get increasingly rosy as he gets more embarrassed.

Your jaw drops, absolutely thrilled for him and loving this information. More details are needed though, and you continue to pry as you both start walking again, letting Mayhem explore a little more.

“Who?” You excitedly ask, “Do I know them?”

“Believe it or not,” Alex chuckles, running a hand through his hair before he looks at you and explains, “You actually had a hand in setting us up.”

Your eyes immediately go wide, not recalling doing anything to set him up with anyone. You wonder if it’s another artist you’ve made him listen to before now and he’s met them because he said he liked their music. But you’re well off.

“Who?” You ask with wide eyes.

Alex is trying not to grin like a fool as he explains, “Do you remember who you met in Tennessee with Matty?”

“Ella!?” You almost scream her name in the park.

Alex is chuckling at your wide eyes and the way you ask excitedly, “You’re speaking to Ella?”

“Yeah, we’ve been talking non-stop since New Year.” Alex confirms, with pink cheeks and he’s a little embarrassed when he admits, “Literally not an hour goes by when we're not on the phone or texting each other.”

Instantly, you’re calling your best friend adorable and he tells you how they started talking again. For the entire story you’re cooing, making Alex more blushy but he tells you how much she means to him and how finally he wants to pursue her properly.

Whilst you think this new relationship is the cutest thing ever, you have to bully your best friend for a second when you remember a defining feature of Ella’s.

“Oh, you’re a horny fucker,” You look at your best friend with knowing eyes, “You just want that ‘Pure Desire’ tattoo wrapped around your throat.”

You couldn’t really forget that tattoo on the back of Ella’s hand if you tried. When you were dancing with each other on the side of the stage at The 1975’s show in Nashville, you grabbed that hand of hers many times to twirl her around and you’re sure you were accidentally longing for it around your own neck.

Alex laughs, and he nods, “I wanted that hand wrapped around my throat eight years ago.”

“Should have put a ring on her back then instead of that other American.” You tell him, thinking how him and Ella would have probably gone the distance if he had gone for her instead of Arielle.

“Yeah yeah I know, but we're going to make up for lost time.” Alex is smiling like a fool as he tells you, “I really like her and we get on as if we’ve still been chatting all these years.”

You’re beyond happy for your best friend. You can see that he’s entirely in love with her already, as his eyes sparkle when he talks about her, the exact same way his eyes used to be when he looked at you.

You’re so thankful he’s found the right person for him though. And you hope to every higher power that they work out.

“I’m a little bit jealous of you,” You admit, thinking back to meeting her and what you’ve seen on her social media since, “She’s gorgeous.”

“She is.” Alex nods, and he is entirely enamoured with Ella.

“Not going to lie Alex,” You’re not really that embarrassed when you reveal, “Her Instagram has me in a chokehold. No pun intended.”

And it really does. She’s hot as fuck. And she takes the most amazing pictures of both other people and herself. The photoshoots she’s done of herself and her friends had your eyes going wide and you definitely want her to take your picture.

When you get married you will definitely be asking her to do your boudoir pictures.

“Same.” Alex laughs as he admits.

But you admit just how far back you went, “No, like, I went back to 2014.”

“Stalker.” Alex laughs at you, as if he’s not done exactly the same.

“You’d understand if you’d seen that motorbike picture of her.” You tell him, because she looked sexy as fuck lay back across her motorbike, her figure on full display for everyone to see.

The woman isn’t a model, but she really fucking should be. She just posts content like that, looking all hot for free. She should get paid to do it. The woman is stunning.

“Yes,” Alex shyly nods, “Believe me, I know the one.”

“Ha. I bet you do.” You give him a knowing look, “Dirty boy.”

And as soon as he avoids eye contact you know for a fact that he has been a dirty boy to pictures of her.

Alex tells you about how Ella has been planning to move to the UK as Focus Creeps is taking a change in direction and if she moves to the uk with her boss she will essentially get to be second in charge. So it seems like it will be the both of both worlds, if she moves she will get a promotion and she gets to be with Alex.

The both of you stay and talk for a few hours, and it feels like the time flies by. Before you know it, you realise that to beat rush hour back to the studio you need to be heading off.

Of course, you offer Alex a lift home, but he declines saying he’s going to call Ella on his way back and it makes you coo over their relationship again.

Whilst you know you hugged him earlier, as you’ve been walking around, you notice that some people have been walking further apart, so you ask Alex, “Can we hug goodbye or is it still not allowed?”

“I won’t tell you if you don’t.” Alex grins and you don’t hesitate to throw your arms around him.

As you hug each other tightly, you tell him, “I love you Shakespeare, and I’m so beyond happy for you and Ella.”

“Love you too Angel, I’m happy for you too.” Alex pressed a kiss to your temple, “And once she’s over here we’ll do another walk with her, and go out or something.”

“Yes please, I'd love that.” You nod and you give each other another long squeeze before you let each other go.

You love your best friend so much and you’re so happy that he’s found his girl.

And you love that he loves your puppy too because as soon as he’s let go of you, he crouches down to pay your dog the attention he deserves.

After playing with him for a minute and getting him all excited, Alex chuckles as he pets him, “Nice to meet you Mayhem. I’ll see you again soon.”

You give your best friend one last hug, smiling, “Bye Shakespeare.”

“Bye Angel.” Alex smiles.

~*~*~*~ 7 April 2021 ~*~*~*~

Whilst you’ve been through two more lockdowns since you first got Mayhem, life has improved for you more than you ever thought it could. You and Matty are closer than ever, completely and utterly in love still and you have completely moved into his house with him.

You rent out a little art studio a little further into the city which you absolutely adore, and you have booked another gallery for the summer of 2022. You’ve been taking a lot of commissions recently and every customer seemed to adore them, and you’re really excited for more to eventually come through.

Mayhem is a lot bigger than he was, as he’s just about coming up to being a year old. He is still the most gorgeous and playful dog and you and Matty have him fully trained now and he’s definitely a Mummy’s boy, which is even funnier when you cuddle him instead of Matty and your boyfriend gets jealous.

On a very bright side, you finally have your curly haired brunette back.

During the lockdowns Matty ended up bleaching his hair when he still had a buzzcut, which was a nice change you will admit. You even liked it when he ended up putting a pastel pink dye over that as it made waiting for his hair to grow out a little more fun.

But thankfully, now you have your Curly back and he’s looking as gorgeous as ever. His long unruly curls are back and if you have any say in it, they will never be leaving again.

All of your friends are also doing amazing too. Y/B/F and Charlie are back in the flat as whilst Covid is still around, it’s a lot less dangerous thanks to the vaccines. They are happy and have set a date for their wedding for this coming August so you’ve been helping her plan everything and you’re really excited.

Alex and Ella are official and when she moved to the UK, Ella pretty much moved in with Alex straight away. It was so easy to tell how they effortlessly love each other and the more time they spent together the closer they became. She was staying in a flat for the first month she came over but she was with Alex every single day, so there was really no point in them delaying it.

They are the cutest pair and in October they will be having their 1 year anniversary together. You’ve never seen Alex happier and you’re beyond thankful he’s found his girl.

It’s sickening how much they adore each other, it really makes sense why no one can stand being around you and Matty for too long because you’ve been told that you and Matty are apparently worse. But you absolutely love the couple with all of your heart and you can see them having a very bright future together.

In some iconic news, which simultaneously wrecked your soul, George got himself a girlfriend. Who is the most iconic pop artist on the planet, Miss Charli XCX.

The pair started fucking each other during the time that No Rome, The 1975, and Charli were working on the song Spinning together. The thought of the pair being fuck buddies had you having a bisexual meltdown as that is a sandwhich you wish you could be in the middle of.

At first, you and Matty knew it was the convenience of another lockdown coming along where you were once again in and out of a live-in studio that brought George and Charli together. Boredom in a lockdown and having someone to fuck really worked well, especially for the new power couple.

After the single came out in March, the pair didn’t really have an excuse to keep on fucking, but it was clear to everyone that they really fancied each other. Just as clear as it was to Matty that you fancied both George and Charli a little too much, but they are pretty iconic so your boyfriend let that one slide a bit.

The couple became official just a week ago and you really see it going the distance. They are both into the same music, they both like creating new music to pass the time, they probably fuck each others lights out the best anyone ever has, so you weren’t at all surprised when George made things official.

As he should. He’s probably the luckiest bastard alive. You don’t know who you are more jealous of though, George or Charli.

And you’ve all made it through this pandemic which is a complete blessing. And the first people who come to see you after the lockdown finishes is your cousin and his girlfriend.

They got here a few hours ago and you almost thought that they came a day early before Matty’s birthday party. It’s your boyfriend’s birthday tomorrow and you’re having a small gathering for him, per his request, but it will just be a few people coming round to get drunk.

Today Adam brought his and Carly’s dog Stevie round with them so Mayhem could have a friend to play with. And watching the two gods has been quite amusing as all four of you ended up ordering a take out so you could eat together.

It’s been a really lovely afternoon with them, and you love Carly like she’s your sister so it is no hardship at all for you to get on with her the same way you do with Adam. And Matty has an easy time of keeping you all entertained so you’ve had a really nice day.

As you sit down with another brew for you and her, you ask, “Was lockdown okay for you both? Not get too bored?”

“No, it was okay thankfully,” Carly smiles, and asks, “What about you?”

“Can’t exactly get bored with Matty.” You nod your head towards him and laugh, “The hyper activity really kept us active and it’s always fun with a puppy.”

“I can’t believe how big he is now.” Carly says as the both of you look down to Mayhem who is lying down beside Stevie.

You hum, smiling, “Me neither.”

Mayhem is a big boy now. He’s not the tiny puppy you started out with, which is a little gutting but it’s not like you didn’t know it would happen. You just miss being able to cuddle him with him sat fully on your lap as now he’s far too big.

“Are you sure he’s a Cane Corso?” Adam chips into your conversation, all of you now looking at your dog, “He still looks like he could be a labrador.”

“Just you wait,” You joke, “He’ll be bigger than Matty this time next year.”

“And subsequently you, Wheels.” Your boyfriend teases you, which you do kind of deserve.

“I know,” You chuckle, “But I just want him to be my little baby for a bit longer. I love mothering him.”

“Mother who? Mayhem or Matty?” Carly jokes and it has everyone but Matty giggling.

All of you chat about everything and nothing. Matty telling your cousin about a few ideas he’s had for future music but nothing concrete just yet. But once Adam joins yours and Carly’s conversation, Matty gets thinking and he knows your cousin well, he never usually just comes round to chill out, and he looks like he has a little nervous energy about him, so your curly haired brunette decides to investigate.

Once the conversation finishes, Matty asks the couple, “What’s brought you two over anyway? Hann never just wants to pop round to see me.”

You find yourself laughing at that, still loving how their brotherly love is shown in the way of lightly bullying each other. You offer up a reason, “He might have wanted to see me.”

“Don't be silly Sweetheart,” Matty shakes his head, and then he leans his chin on Adam’s shoulder to ask him, “Do you have an early birthday present for me? Is it a kiss Hann, because I’ve not had one in a while.”

“No,” Your cousin shakes his head firmly, and he jokes, “You would only be so lucky.”

You and Matty watch then as the couple glance and smile at each other and you know something is about to be said before Adam even says, “We actually have some news.”

“Oh?” You smile and raise your eyebrows.

You glance at Matty and share a smile at him because you’ve both debated this time and time again and the both of you think you know what you’re about to be told.

“Has he finally proposed to you Carls?” Matty asks, wanting to get the scoop straight away. And he bullies your cousin a little more in the process, “I think you’ve been waiting long enough for now. I hope he’s done it.”

“Not yet,” Carly laughs, “You’re very cheeky Matty.”

Your boyfriend giggles at that and then throws his arm around Adam’s shoulder as he proudly says, “Bane of your fiance's life.”

“Not my fiance yet,” Carly giggles herself before she looks between you and Matty as she tells you, “We actually came to tell you that we’re having a baby.”

Both yours and Matty’s gasp at the same time, “What?”

“We’re having a baby.” Adam repeats, the couple now grinning at both of your reactions.

They have never seen either of you more shocked. But it’s no surprise to either of them when the both of you immediately get emotional about it.

“Oh my god,” Matty has tears in his eyes when he says, “Why didn’t you tell me to shut my gob?”

Adam just laughs at him, “We tried.”

“Not hard enough.” Matty pulls your cousin into the biggest hug he’s ever given him then and he doesn’t hold back his tears.

On the other settee, you’re the same with Carly. Happy tears are running down your face that you keep on wiping away so they don’t land on her shoulder.

You tell her how much you love her and how happy for her you are. It’s actually difficult to get everything you want to say out because if there’s anyone in the world that deserves a happy little family of their own it is Adam.

After a few minutes, you stand up to hug your cousin and you throw your arms around him, still crying yourself, and tell him, “I’m so happy for you Ads.”

“Thank you B.” Adam hugs you back just as tight.

He had been so excited to tell you. It really was a struggle for him to not come and tell you straight away but instead he had to hold off and tell both his and Carly’s parents first.

“You’re going to be the best Dad.” You tell him when you manage to stop yourself crying for a brief second, but you’re still clutching him tightly.

It makes Adam a little teary eyed hearing you say that, and he whispers a small, “Thank you.” into your ear.

When you eventually let your cousin go, you see that Matty has his arm around Carly, hugging her by his side and they were just standing watching you. Seeing their smiles just makes you cry more, but at the same time you laugh because it feels a bit pathetic even though you know it’s not.

They all laugh at you and you don’t know who, but you can only assume it’s Matty that makes the other two give you a group hug. All you know is that the next second, your face is in Matty’s chest and Carly and Adam are on either side of you hugging you, all of you laughing.

“We also needed to see if Auntie Y/N/N and Uncle Matty would be around to be cool babysitters for us?” Carly says, which is the best thing you’ve possibly ever heard, but you’re too emotional right now.

“Stop, I'll cry more!” You squeal as you wipe your tears on Matty’s top and you bite your tongue to not cry more when he kisses the top of your head.

“Course we will,” Matty promises, and then he kisses Adam’s cheek, “Hann,” and Carly’s head, “Carls,” and when they look at him, you can hear the emotion in his voice when he says, “We’re so happy for the both of you.”

And later you will remind yourself to give your boyfriend a thank you kiss for getting the words out for you.

After you think you’ve got through the initial emotional reaction to it, and you think the waterworks have stopped for the day. And for a while, you’re right.

You find out that Carly is 12 weeks and they have already told their parents, and they are about to go and tell the other two boys tonight. And they asked Matty if it would be okay to tell the others who were coming round tomorrow and of course he said that it was fine.

Before you know it, it’s time for them to go and tell George and Ross before it gets too late, so the couple head out. But not before they make you emotional again after you’ve hugged Adam goodbye you then watch you boyfriend hug Carly, and you hear her say, “Happy early birthday present, Uncle Matty.”

“Stop it,” Matty says, getting teary eyed again which subsequently has you then same. Matty tells her, “I'm actually going to sob and I will for days.”

You all chuckle at that, and you wipe away another fallen tear from your cheek as you listen to your cousin’s girlfriend.

“Well that's why we came to tell you today. I don’t want you crying on your birthday,” Carly chuckles, “Not to mention we had to come and tell you before you asked me why I wouldn’t drink with you tomorrow.”

“Very clever.” Matty pulls her into another hug, and he kisses her temple.

Once he has let go of Carly, you walk out to the small courtyard at the front of the house with Carly and you help her get Stevie on her lead before you say your goodbye to her there. And whilst you’re there you have no idea that the boys are watching you from the front door after they hug each other.

Matty just told your cousin, “Baby Hann is going to be spoiled rotten and you can’t tell me off for it.”

And when Adam laughs, nodding approvingly, Matty then watches the way your cousin looks at Carly. His whole face lights up seeing her, and the love he has for her is clear to see.

“Adam,” Matty gets his attention back, and your boyfriend pleads with everything he has, “Put a ring on that woman, for christ sake.”

Because he can see just how much Carly means to him. And the pair have chatted before, Matty knows he wants to marry her, so it’s really beyond him why he would wait to get engaged to her even now when they are having a baby together. He just wants your cousin, his best friend, to have the happiest of endings because he deserves every ounce of happiness.

Your cousin just smirks and fires back ,“I could say the exact same to you.” which shocks Matty entirely.

He really wasn’t expecting that. So after a brief second to process what that means, Matty asks, “You’d let me?”

“Course I would.” Adam nods, looking your boyfriend in his eyes when he says, “If you’re waiting for a blessing Matty, you got that a long time ago. You love her more than anyone ever has.”

Glancing back at you and Carly hugging each other has Adam smiling. You and Matty certainly deserve to be as happy as he is feeling right now. So he looks back at your boyfriend and tells him, “You better ask her before she asks you at this point.”

Matty wants to chuckle at that, because it really would be a move that you would pull. But he’s still a little shocked Adam just told him that he would let you marry him, so your boyfriend just ends up nodding, “I’ll get on that.”

And it’s not like he didn’t already have plans to, he just hadn’t worked up the courage to actually ask Adam for his blessing yet.

“You better had.” Adam tells him, before giving him an ultimatum, “Before the year is up or I revoke the blessing.”

Matty frowns a little, “You can’t revoke it when you’ve just given it me.”

Adam just laughs then and Matty all but launches himself into your cousin's arms again. Your curly haired brunette’s voice is full of adoration when he says, “I love you Hann.”

“I love you too, Matty.” Adam smiles, before kissing his best friend's head.

~*~*~*~ 23rd June 2021 ~*~*~*~

You’re currently back over in Sheffield staying with your best friend and Charlie for a few days with Matty and Mayhem, per Y/B/F’s request. She’s throwing you a small party of sorts for your 35th birthday in a couple of days and you were having a really nice time just catching up with her in your old home.

The both of you have been early risers for a very long time and with Charlie on a 3pm till 3am last night, he was still asleep in bed, and considering Matty never sleeps well, you’ve let him sleep in too. After all, who really wants to be up on a Wednesday morning at 8am if they don’t have to be?

You and your best friend have just had breakfast together and now you’re sitting on the settee beside each other after having just taken Mayhem outside for a quick walk around the block. You just assume that your dog will himself down underneath the window on the floor like he usually does when you’re back home, and he will more than likely fall asleep again soon, but this time you’re wrong.

Instead, Mayhem gets himself up on the settee between you and he spins himself round twice before he lies down, curling himself up into a tight little ball whilst you and Y/B/F smile and stroke him. Your not so little puppy lifts his head after a moment though and he rests it down on your stomach as you are leaning back into your seat.

You smile at that and scratch the top of Mayhem’s head how you know he likes, and you continue doing so until your best friend startles you by saying, “That’s usually a sign that you’re pregnant when dogs do that, you know?”

Of course you’ve heard that myth before, but you’ve never had your own dog to pay attention to like that. You just shake the comment off and say, “Don’t say that.”

“It’s true.” Y/B/F tells you with a ghost of a smile on her lips. She does like teasing you, she misses doing it in person.

“He’s just my affectionate little man.” You tell her, and continue to pet Mayhem. And you defend his actions, “He’s done this before.”

“They bark and become more protective over you too,” Y/B/F tells you more of the folklore, and she raises her eyebrows at you as she points out, “And you said yesterday when we took him on our walk that it was strange of him to be growling and barking as much as he was doing when a few people were walking past us whilst we were sat down.”

A few beats of silence pass the both of you by before your best friend delivers her closing argument, “He could be trying to tell you something.”

“For fucks sake.” You sigh after a minute of glaring at her and getting all pouty about it, “I’m not going to rest now until I take a test.”

You and Matty weren’t exactly being careful, but you’re on the pill. But you’re also very aware that sometimes people can get pregnant whilst being on the pill so you know that for peace of mind you’re just going to have to take a test. You really wish she hadn’t brought it up.

“Oh relax, you and Matty could handle it.” Y/B/F tells you, “I already know you’d be great parents and I’m sure Mayhem would agree.”

You smile at the way she pats Mayhem then and the way he huffs in reaction to her. And thinking about it logically, you know that you and Matty would be fine if you did have a baby, but there are a few things you ideally would have liked to do before that happened. However, at the same time, it really wouldn’t be the end of the world.

“Come on,” Y/B/F brings you out of your thoughts and she gets up and offers you her hand to help you up. She tells you, “I have pregnancy tests in the bathroom. I’ll do one with you like I used to make you do with me so you don’t get stressed out.”

You chuckle, loving how she could always make something serious easier to deal with. You nod and take her hand, “Okay.”

So that is how you and Y/B/F are currently in the bathroom, Y/B/F now sitting on the toilet seat lid, you standing up by the sink, waiting eagerly for the results of the two pregnancy tests that are resting on the side of the bath and for the two minutes to be up.

You just nipped back out to the lounge to grab your tea because the nerves that you get everytime this happens makes your mouth dry. But that is your undoing.

You weren’t panicked about it at all, it just seems like your body's reaction when you do take one. After all this was only a conspiracy about dogs knowing if someone is pregnant or not and you’re debunking it.

But you’re an idiot who didn’t shut the door properly when you came back into the bathroom. Because Mayhem has just snuck his way in and his excited tail wagging back and forth has just knocked both of the pregnancy tests into the empty bath, muddling them up so you don’t know who’s is who’s… And one of them is positive.

Both you and Y/B/F swear at the same time, before forming a very quick and calculated plan, neither of you panicking about it though. You just need to know which one of you is pregnant sooner rather than later.

You quietly put Mayhem back into the bedroom with Matty before both you and Y/B/F head out to the closest supermarket to get decent tests. Both of you buy a box of the Clear Blue tests so you can be certain and make sure whoevers positive is actually positive, and when you come back the both of you do your tests again but keep them on either side of the sink.

As you wait, you hold each other's hand and Y/B/F jokes, “Remember when we always used to say that the both of us would end up being together when we found out one of us was pregnant?”

“Yeah,” You nod, thinking back to all the times you’d forced each other into doing one and they had thankfully all came out negative when you were younger.

“Least we’re actual adults and capable now.” Y/B/F chuckles and you giggle in agreement.

It feels like the longest few minutes of your lives, and when you check the timer on your phone you still have another minute left. It feels like an age passes and when the alarm goes off it almost makes you jump.

You and your best friend keep your eyes on each other for a moment, and you squeeze each other's hand when she asks, “Ready?”

“Ready.” You nod, knowing whatever the outcome, you’re both going to be fine. You tell her quickly, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Y/B/F smiles back and after giving each other a nod of encouragement, the both of you check your tests.

When you look down at your test, you find yourself surprised when you see it only has one line… Negative.

It shocks you as the lore about the dogs knowing had really gotten into your head, but then Y/B/F squeezes your hand and you look at hers… Pregnant 3+

“Are you okay?” You immediately ask her.

She looks at you then, nodding a little, but her eyes flick back to the test clearly a little in disbelief, “Yeah, just a bit shocked.”

And of course she was going to be. You bet she never for a second thought she would randomly be doing a pregnancy test today, let alone for it to come back positive.

You sit her back down on the closed toilet seat so she can process it as best she can as you crouch down in front of her and hold her hand. After a few seconds, she asks you to pass her her phone that she put on the sink too and you grab it instantly and give it to her.

After about 20 seconds of scrolling and tapping, your best friend lets out a little sigh and she looks a little jaw dropped. You’re about to ask her what’s going on until she starts speaking.

“I’ve just checked my tracker, and I didn’t come on last month.” She tells you and she runs a hand through her hair as she looks you in the eyes and scorns herself, “Oh my god, I’m such an idiot for making you worry. I’m so sorry.”

“I wasn’t worried, don’t apologise.” You dismiss her apologies as you would have been fine if it was you, it was something you could handle and you have no doubt if she wants this baby, she will be able to handle it too.

You ask her softly when she locks her phone, “Are you happy? You look shocked, rightly so.”

“Yeah, I’m happy.” She tells you after a brief second of silence. And her eyes get all sparkly when she half grins, “I’m going to be a Mum.”

“You’re going to be the best Mum in the whole world.” You nod, your eyes doing the same as you can see just how much this means to her now she’s processing the news.

Y/B/F is crying when she pulls you into a hug, and she says into your ear, “I love you.”

“I love you so much more.” You promise her.

You’re both crying for a minute, but in this scenario that isn’t a shock. This was a massive surprise, and you’re still a little in disbelief it’s not yourself this has happened to.

Y/B/F releases you briefly from the hug to pull back and ask you seriously, “In the unlikely event that this ever happens to either of us and our boyfriends actually don’t want the baby, can we promise to run away with each other and raise them ourselves?”

You want to sob for her that she would ever think that Charlie wouldn’t want their little baby, because you know for a fact that he will be over the moon when he finds out soon. But you understand that she wants reassurance, and you don’t hesitate to give it to her.

You nod, “You have my word.” and you offer her a pinky swear which she returns instantly.

“Thank you.” Y/B/F sniffles, and she wipes her tears as she says, “I know Charlie is going to be thrilled, but I just needed to hear that.”

“Of course.” You chuckle before telling her that you love her again and she does the same to you.

It’s a fun little cycle that eventually calms the both of you down, and stops you both crying. But that isn’t to say that your emotions can’t be seen on your now puffy features when you leave the bathroom, and it seems like you’re really obvious.

When you unlock the bathroom door and the both of you emerge from it, you give your best friend another hug outside the door and wish her luck as she’s about to go and wake Charlie up to tell him. But before you even let each other go, the door to the other side of you opens and Mayhem quickly trots out, paying neither of you attention, but your boyfriend clearly does.

Seeing the both of you standing there and hugging each other makes him a little worried, especially when he sees that your eyes are a little swollen. He looks at you first and asks, “Everything okay?”

“Yeah everythings good.” You promise him and nod as you let go of your best friend.

Matty looks at her then though and asks, “Y/B/F?”

“Yeah I’m really good. I’m gunna quickly…” She trails off and points to hers and Charlie’s room and you nod understanding.

She smiles at you again and with one last squeeze on each of your arms, she disappears into her bedroom, and you’re left with Matty.

“Are you okay?” Your boyfriend asks again as you immediately make the short way towards him and you from your arms around him, trapping him in a big hug.

“Yeah,” You nod, hiding yourself in his neck. You make sure he can hear you when you ask a little rhetorically, “I love you, you know?”

Your curly haired brunette nods and promises, “I love you too.”

He has to ask again though, “Is Y/B/F okay?”

“Yeah,” You’re smiling like a fool as you pull back from the hug and tell him, “She’s just found out she’s making us be an Aunt and Uncle again, so she’s a tad emotional.”

And your cute way of telling Matty that your best friend is pregnant immediately has his eyes watering, just like they did when Adam told you both the news.

Matty very quickly kisses your lips, before he hugs you tightly and suggests, “I think we keep getting the best early birthday presents, don't you?”

“The very best.” You hum in agreement.

~*~*~*~

After waking Charlie up and telling him, the pair were obviously really emotional as expected. Whilst he was of course happy, his nurse mode turned on almost immediately and for peace of mind because they didn’t know, Charlie called one of his friends who was at work today and asked if there was any chance they could squeeze Y/B/F in for a quick scan.

She’d been drinking over the last few months as she clearly didn’t know she was pregnant, and of course they wanted the peace of mind that everything was fine. Thankfully Charlie’s friend managed to get them in and whilst they have gone for their appointment, you and Matty have gone out on a walk with Mayhem.

Your curly haired brunette used to love it when you’d take him on walks around Sheffield when you were first together, and he still adores it now. Matty finds that it's your anecdotes that he loves and he adores the way your face lights up as you tell them.

He knows he’s been to this park you’re both currently in before, as you’d shown him the old tennis courts that you and your school mates always used to hang about on, but you seem to have a destination in mind about where you’re taking him and Mayhem now, but Matty can’t guess where.

“Where are we going?” Matty asks as you start to veer off the path in front of you.

Smiling, you squeeze his arm that you’ve linked and tell him, “I know a place.”

“Do you now?” Matty smiles, and seeing that there’s a small sparkle in your eye has you excited, it makes him feel the same.

“Yep,” You grin, “It’s one of my favourite places on the planet.”

Matty’s eyes go a little wide then, asking, “Really?”

Humming and nodding, you confirm, “You should feel very privileged that I'm bringing you here. You’ll be one of three people who knows about it besides me.”

Matty smiles at that, and he doesn’t have to guess to know that you mean Y/B/F and Alex. He smiles at the thought of you finally being ready to show him whatever place it is too.

Matty hums, “It must be special.”

“It is.” You nod, and you tell him honestly. “I came here the most when you were in rehab… Needed somewhere to go to remember your face.”

Because you came every day, if not every other when Matty was in rehab. You needed the comfort your spot gave you and you it really helped when he was away. You’re glad that you’ve made the decision to finally show him your secret place.

You love and appreciate the way your curly haired brunette kisses your temple then as you walk him towards the trees. It doesn’t take you long to find your cherry blossom tree, and Mayhem finds it before you even get to open the curtain of pink petals for him.

You do move them aside for Matty though and you watch his reaction eagerly. You forgot the magic of showing this place to someone new.

The way your boyfriend’s eyes light up when he steps into your pink cocoon that shields you from the rest of the world makes you really happy. His smile also makes your chest ache as he looks astounded at the place, and it gets even bigger when he looks out to see the view you get too.

“Wow.” Matty gasps as he looks back around at the tree, “It’s stunning.”

You’re just grinning at him, taking him in your space and loving his reaction. But you adore the man even more when his eyes go a little wide as the pieces come together, “So this is why you went for a cherry blossom branch when you got your tattoo?” and when you nod, he grins, “It makes so much sense now.”

“Yep.” You verbally confirm, “Makes me feel at home. The tattoos remind me of home.”

Matty grins and he grabs your hand and pulls you towards him, and he looks into your eyes as he holds your waist and tells you, “I feel like I’ve just found the final piece of your puzzle, Wheels.”

You absolutely love that he has put it like that, as in really it is. This hiding spot of yours is the only thing Matty doesn’t know about you, and now you’re an entirely open book to him. It feels exactly how he put it, you’re a completed puzzle now.

As you have a hold of your boyfriend's hand, you pull him around and onto your bench so you can sit and admire the view. And as you’re tying the end of Mayhem’s lead to the bench, Matty asks, “How often did you usually come here?”

“I usually ended up coming most when I was sad, but also on good days too.” You tell him honestly, “But I only come when the tree blossoms, it’s a bit bleak if not.”

“It’s so stunning.” Matty says, turning back around to look at the pink bubble the both of you are in. Your dog takes both of your attention though because he comes and sits by both yours and Matty’s feet and gives you his puppy dog eyes. Your boyfriend plays with him a second as he asks him, “Isn’t it Mayhem? Your Mum’s hiding place is so pretty, just like her. She shouldn’t be upset when she comes here.”

You smile at his playfulness, but you assure him, “I love to come here when I’m happy too, it just brightens my day even more and this is definitely a day for it.”

“It certainly is.” Matty agrees.

Because coming to your spot to reflect on the fact that your best friend is going to have a baby is definitely a good day for it. Especially after the chaotic morning you had, which made Matty laugh earlier when you explained everything to him.

The both of you talk about how it was certainly a chaotic way to find out, and how you both hope everything is okay with their baby. And you laugh over how it was funny that Mayhem got it wrong and how he must have just been more protective over Y/B/F yesterday which led to him barking a little more.

When the conversation leads into a comfortable silence, Matty’s thoughts of this gorgeous spot get away with him, and he asks, “Have you ever kissed someone here?”

You chuckle at that, and all you do is glance at him and warn him, “Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answers to.”

That is all the answer Matty needs, and he finds it amusing so he jokes, “Christ, Alex was a lucky boy.”

You chuckle at him clearly knowing who it was, but you do make sure he knows something for certain, “He wasn’t lucky like you’re thinking. My spot is not R rated.”

“Not yet.” Matty smirks, desperately trying to hold back his laugh.

You just hum, “Dirty boy.” before you playfully push his arm from the back of the bench.

Your boyfriend laughs, before he shuffles closer to you and throws his arm over your shoulder to hug you into him more. You hum, entirely content with your surroundings and who you’re with. You’re so happy you showed Matty this place.

“Wanna be the last person I kiss here?” You ask him after a silent moment, “Because I won’t be bringing anyone new or kissing anyone else here.”

Matty is grinning at you, so you know his answer before he even says, “I would quite like that.”

“Course you would.” You giggle before you attach your lips to his.

You kiss him like you’ve wanted to kiss him all morning. Entirely too overwhelmed with your emotions and you pour all your love for him into it.

It baffles you how Matty’s kisses still give you butterflies all these years later, but he really does. You’re absolutely enamoured by him and what makes it all the more sweeter is that you know he feels the exact same about you.

When you get all soppy like this, you just want to carry on kissing him for hours on end to try and show him just how much he means to you. And you’re certain that by now Matty understands this form of communication with you, if it’s not his preferred one himself.

Both of you get a little too into it, because that really is what the two of you are like. Neither of you know when to stop, but you eventually do when Mayhem starts getting a bit jealous of the attention you’re giving each other and he tries to jump up at both of you.

“You sure you don’t wanna make it R rated?” Matty giggles after you teasingly bite his lip when you pull away.

You hum and pretend to think about it for a second, but you shake your head, “Not today... Maybe when we leave him at home.”

Matty chuckles before the both of you look down at your dog, and your curly haired brunette jokes to your dog, “You ruining moments like this is why you get left in the lounge when we go to the bedroom, Mayhem. You’re a massive cockblock.” and that has you cackling loudly.

The both of you end up settling down and you peacefully watch the world go by. A peaceful hour goes by before your phone buzzes and you hear from your best friend with the best news.

Wifey: Everything’s fine. Baby’s fine. I’m fine. I’m 10 weeks xx

Wifey: Please bring ice cream back on the way home from the park please x love you xxx

You obviously grin at your phone like an idiot and you text her back congratulating her again and you tell her you love her too. You’re so beyond thrilled for her, you can’t wait to give her another massive hug when you get back to the flat.

You and Matty gather all your belongings and when you untie Mayhem’s lead, you ask your boyfriend, “You ready to go?”

“Yeah.” Matty nods, and before you stand up he leans in to quickly kiss you sweetly. And he makes your heart flutter again when he sincerely says, “Thank you for bringing me here, Sweetheart.”

You’re grinning like a fool in love, “Anytime Curly.”

~*~*~*~ December 10th 2021 ~*~*~*~

“Hey,” You walk into your home and are greeted by the sight of Matty sitting in the lounge with Mayhem now getting out of his bed to come and greet you.

“Hey Wheels,” Matty grins and comes over to give you a hug and a kiss after you finish saying hello to your dog. “You had a nice day?”

“I have, thank you,” You smile, kissing him one more time before throwing your arms around his neck and asking him curiously, “You’re not busy this evening, are you?”

“No?” Your boyfriend answers but you can see the curiosity in his eyes. He tells you, “I was just going to start making our tea, but nothing else.”

“Good, and you don’t need to make tea,” You grin, the plan that you made on your way home seems like it could fall perfectly into place. “I’ve decided we’re going on a date night.”

Matty’s whole face lights up, “Are we now?” and he holds your waist a little tighter as the both of you start swaying a little bit in each other's hold.

“Yeah,” You nod, and you tell him your plan, “I’ve phoned your Mum and she said she’ll look after Mayhem for us whilst we're out, so he’s not on his own all evening. She’s going to have him overnight.”

“Oh nice,” Matty grins, as not having the little cockblocker around when the both of you get back would be nice. It gives the both of you a little more freedom, but your curly haired brunette is mostly just excited to get to spend his evening by your side. He’s missed you with you being at the studio for most of the afternoon.

He can’t help but ask curiously, “Where are we going?”

“I’m going to quite literally make one of your dreams come true.” You’re grinning like a lunatic at him, your cheeks hurt because your smile is so big.

Matty raises his eyebrows, “Oh?” trying to think of what it could be.

You tell him, “We’re going to Winter Wonderland.”

“Oh my god, yes.” Matty’s jaw drops in glee.

“I know it’ll be shit, but it’ll be good night.” You tell him why you thought of it, “I saw a poster on the way home and I thought it would be really cute.”

“It’s going to be the best Wheels because it's us.” Matty assures you, and you believe him because you can feel him start buzzing with excitement in your arms. He grabs your hand and pulls you towards the stairs, “Let's go get ready.”

Denise came about 30 minutes after you told Matty about your plans for your date night and she was happy to look after Mayhem for the both of you. As soon as Denise took him back to hers, you and Matty were also getting in the car to drive yourselves to Hyde Park.

When you get there, instantly you both can’t get the smiles off your faces. The both of you end up going ice skating first of all, and you’re glad the both of you went a fair amount when you were younger because you weren’t really at risk of falling over.

Skateboarding over the years had given the both of you good balance too, so you both thankfully didn’t deck it on the frozen ground. After an hour of the both of you clinging to each other on the ice, the both of you decide to walk round the large fair.

Obviously, the both of you go on the rides that skater the park, the ones that allow adults on anyways. The both of you end up on the Waltzers and other shit fairground rides but the both of you couldn’t get enough of giggling with each other at it.

You pulled each other to random stalls that sold all different kinds of food and the both of you had a feast as you then went and wondered about the Christmas markets. You got Mayhem a few bits from a pet stall, you got all three of you a personalised wooden decoration for your tree to put on when you get back home.

You also ended up getting a few more presents for your friends whilst you were here too. All of these gifts had to be put in a locker when both you and Matty ended up going into a haunted house. It was like a ghost train that was shit but hidden inside was someone dressed up as a skeleton and they jumped out and scared Matty to the point where he hid into you.

It almost made you piss yourself laughing and you couldn’t take the rest of the ride seriously. And that was due to the fact Matty was hiding himself into you trying to calm his heart rate down after that jumpscare.

Thankfully, there were no more scary points in the night. The next thing you ended up doing was going into the fun house which was just next door and you and Matty were grinning like idiots when he whisper sang You’re The One That I Want into your ear.

It brought you right back to being 21 again and experiencing a fun house with him for the first time. You were still just as flirty with each other and it feels even more wholesome than it did back then as you’re entirely in love with each other now, and Matty didn’t fail to remind you as you made your way around.

Both of you made it through the revolving barrel without falling over either and you definitely made your younger selves proud. You got so many cute pictures with each other over the course of the evening, you already couldn’t wait to eventually get them printed out and put up in your home.

But thankfully you were able to get some straight away this evening.

The both of you had just come out of Bar Ice which was really cool because you were served your drinks in cups made from pure ice. The both of you had two drinks in there and you’ve just come back outside to start exploring again and Matty finds something instantly.

The way Matty drags you over to the photobooth that he spotted is probably the fastest he’s ever moved which has you giggling. Not to mention the way he can’t seem to get his card out fast enough to pay for the photos, which has you silently laughing as it's such a stark contrast to the first time you pulled him into one of these.

The first picture taken is the both of you giggling at the camera. The second, Matty cups your jaw as he presses a kiss to your cheek. The third you’re holding his face as you plant a big kiss on his cheek. And for the forth, the both of you are kissing each other and the kiss lasts so much longer than it takes for the picture to be printed.

Because you’re entirely obsessed with each other, you end up getting another 3 strips of pictures as there was thankfully no queue. They are wholesome and sweet and it’s just candids of the two of you interacting and being silly with each other. Some you pose for, others you miss because you’re laughing at what the other just did.

The both of you almost don’t want to leave the booth, but you do to collect your pictures. And after you admire them, there’s only one thing left to do.

You were well aware of the 70 metre high ferris wheel being the main attraction of Winter Wonderland, and you could see the fear in Matty’s eyes as soon as he saw it up close when you were paying your entrance fees. It was always silently agreed that this would be the last event of the evening, and now with nothing left to do, both you and your boyfriend join the back of the queue for the giant wheel.

You can feel Matty’s nerves already and as he looks up at the 70 metre monster, he shakily says, “That’s the biggest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Are we going on it?” You ask as you try to mute your amused smile, “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

And you truly mean it. You won’t make him go on it if he really doesn't want to because it looks horrendously high to you, and you don’t have a fear of heights.

Matty glances at you, and then back to the top of the wheel that is all light up. He takes a deep breath looking at the highest point of it, but he just looks back into your eyes and asks wholesomely, “Will you hold my hand?

Smiling, you promise him, “Of course I will.” and you offer him your hand now.

“I guess I’ve got no excuse then.” Matty makes his decision as he takes your hand and immediately intertwines your fingers together.

Immediately you lift your hands up and kiss the back of his. And when your curly haired brunette looks at you, you tell him, “I’ll keep you safe.”

“Thank you, Wheels.” Matty smiles before he leans towards you to kiss you quickly.

It’s an anxious 20 minute wait in the queue before the both of you get into your own little cabin and the wheel starts moving. It’s a slow incline as everyone is getting on and off so it frequently stops to give you more time on and more of the stunning views.

Matty’s hand is firmly gripping yours, your fingers intertwined and he’s not letting you go at all, which you don’t mind about. You still find him utterly adorable that he will face one of his biggest fears to see you happy.

You can’t help but joke about it, “You must be so down bad for me if you have one of these tattooed on you, but they scare you as much as they clearly do.”

Matty chuckles a little at that, trying to rid his anxiety and just focus on you instead of the ground getting further and further away from you both. Matty’s brown eyes are looking into your gorgeous ones when he confirms, “I’ve always been down bad for you, that’s never going to change.”

You cheeks get hotter hearing that like he’s just told you he fancies you for the first ever time. And you can’t help but find it funny how he makes your heart beat rapidly in your chest when he’s doing nothing but be his gorgeous self.

The feeling of Matty’s gaze on you as you take in the views around you makes you warm inside. And once you’re near the top of the wheel, you give his hand another reassuring squeeze and you kiss him to keep him distracted.

You’ve just had a silent minute, other than you pointing views out to him that you don’t know if he’ll actually look at because you’re so high off the ground. He surprises you though by getting up from his seat just before the both of you reach the top.

He stands you up with him and he makes you take a selfie of the both of you at the top with the incredible view of the city lights below you. And you tease him by calling him your brave boy for somehow managing to not look petrified in the picture.

Your boyfriend shuts you up with a kiss though, which you happily let him do and after you put your phone back in your pocket, you give him your full attention. The sweet kiss only breaks when Matty speaks up.

“Do you remember me telling you that the first place I knew I was in love with you was when we were on that ferris wheel?” Your curly haired brunette asks softly.

You nod, remembering that night in lockdown vividly. That knowledge made you love your ferris wheel tattoo that the both of you have on your ankles even more than you already did.

“I expected that over a decade later I would still love you, but I didn’t know I would love you so much more at the top of this one, Wheels.” Matty professes his love for you again and it makes your heart swell with all the love you have for him.

But then the man you love drops to one knee in front of you, surprising you entirely.

Your curly haired brunette is grinning up at you when he asks, “Wheels, Sweetheart, please marry me?” and he pulls an engagement ring in a box out of his pocket and offers it to you.

“Yes,” You find yourself half giggling in surprise as you answer him. You nod, “Of course I’ll marry you.”

And Matty jumps back up so his lips can find yours again before you can fully process the moment. But you pour your heart out into it regardless.

You hope to every God that Matty can tell just how much you love him by pouring your feelings into this kiss. Words never seem like enough but kissing him in this moment feels like you’re connected on an entirely different level.

The way your chest aches for him, the way your heart beats for him, every ounce of love you have for him you hope he can feel. Because you can feel just how much he loves you, and his excitement because he picks you up and spins the both of you around which has you giggling again.

Matty puts you down after a few seconds, and the first thing he does is get the ring out of the box and put it on your left ring finger. It’s a stunning ring, and it's what you always imagined him giving to you one day. He got it spot on and from the look on his face, he knows he has.

You look back up at your fiance and you let out something of a giggle as your eyes tear up a little. Matty’s are the same, the both of you so unbelievably happy in this moment that you don’t have the words to explain it.

“I want to marry you as soon as possible, okay?” Matty chuckles, his voice a little choked up as he reminds you, “I’ve been waiting long enough, I can’t wait any longer.”

You giggle and nod, agreeing with him entirely. And your fingers root up into his curls as you look into his eyes and make sure he knows, “I love you so much, Curly.”

“I love you so so so much more, Wheels.” Matty grins before he cups your cheeks and leans back down to kiss you sweetly.

He always has and he always will, because from the very first moment he ever saw you, he’s been in love with you. Everything feels better when the two of you are together.

You’re his Sweetheart, his Wheels, and he will be your Curly until the very end.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Thank you so so much to everyone who has stuck with me as I’ve been writing this fic. It really means a lot and I really hope you enjoyed the story and Wheels and Matty’s ending! Their story doesn’t really stop here… I mentioned a surprise that you’d all shout at me about and the surprise is that a small part of Matty and Wheels ending has been posted on my main account since before I ever posted the first part of NRIACC (told you you’d shout at me lol)… That little oneshot Good Boy is a little extra part of their ending that I hope you can read/reread now and enjoy a little more.

Anyway, just want to again say a huge thank you for sticking with my mental story and I really really hope you enjoyed the ending x

Note: Alex and Ella’s story in a different universe can be read now! Constant Repeat by @alovesreading is out now and it’s incredible. A doesn’t know I’ve written Ella into this ending so I’m waiting for her to have a breakdown (she will, I know her too well at this point lol) but I really hope you enjoy Ella and Alex’s story as much as you’ve enjoyed reading this! (I love a multiverse and there’s also a different Alex fic of mine hidden in this chapter that will be my next long fic, Nightmare. But I’m having a break for a while but I will be back at some point, I promise x)

Taglist: @psychkunox @sofiaaraee @thewheeler @cold-hands-cold-eyesss @xovalliegirlxo @vroboat @hoodskillerqueen @woahhealy @emmaheg1005 @belledawnidk @elen-alambil @megann-duff @alexsvacuumcleaner @bshelley322 @g0thwat3rr @cassieinnit @ohmyolympusssywp @filling-thevoid @xqueenkt @indierock4ever @amturners @alovesreading

#matty healy x reader #alex turner x reader #matty x reader #alex x reader #matty healy #alex turner #matty healy fanfic #alex turner fanfic #matty healy fanfiction #alex turner fanfiction #the 1975 #arctic monkeys #george daniel #matt helders #adam hann #jamie cook #ross macdonald #nick o'malley #miles kane

155 notes · View notes

ghost-with-a-teacup · 2 years

Text

𝐓𝐨 𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 ~ 𝐒𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐤𝐚 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Summary: It had been weeks since you have genuinely spent time with Sevika, and frankly, you missed her. Communication is important in any relationship, right? So you make it a point to tell her and well...that goes wonderfully (it doesn't).

Sevika comes around though, she always does. Because your relationship is more than just a stupid little argument.

Pairing: Sevika x Reader

Warnings: Some light arguing, nothing much. It's Hurt/Comfort lol.

Authors Note: Haha! I have finally gotten around to writing Sevika, lmao. I was nervous to write for her for the longest time because I adore her so much I didn't want to mess it up, but this prompt was sitting in my mind for a few days so I just had to write about it lol. I hope you enjoy!

The early hours of the morning in Zaun were of the sparse times when the bustle of the Underground had quieted, it was thoroughly a city that lived at night after all. This didn’t mean it was any less beautiful though, in its unique kind of way. The few rays of sun that could reach this far down shined through the windows of the apartment you lived in, painting the room in a green-tinted glow and effectively pulling you out of your slumber.

With a groan you curl into yourself a bit to escape the day for a little while longer and flop onto your side to look at Sevika, hoping you could get her to do the same.

It seemed as though you were the early riser of the two of you today you thought to yourself with surprise as you admired her in the light, her firm expression softened as she slept. With light fingers you trailed them over her light blue scars, their pulsing slowed with the peaceful beat of her heart. Smiling to yourself you watch as an eyebrow twitched, once, twice, before steely gray eyes met yours sleepily.

“Morning, baby,” she says, her morning voice making it lower than usual and had you forcing back a shiver at her tone.

“Good morning, my love.” The pet name has Sevika smiling back at you softly for a moment before she tiredly trails a hand down her face, already moving to get out of bed even though she had just woken up.

It was like this every day. Despite the fact that mornings were the few times that you and Sevika could spend together in the day, she was more than eager to escape them as soon as possible. From morning to late at night she was at work, you hardly saw her at all anymore as she drowned in work that had to be done. It had been like this for weeks, the only sign she was still around was when she pulled you close late at night or now.

You didn't say anything because you understood her job's importance; she wanted to repaint Zaun in the light of her choosing and make it a better place. So you said nothing usually, but you couldn’t stop yourself today. You missed her, more than anything. Missed the times when she would pull you close to her on the couch simply talking about the day, or when you would both go to The Last Drop to drink the night away. Now those times were few and far between.

So before she could climb out of bed you grasped onto her waist, sitting up so you could hug her from behind as she sat up.

“Please…stay home today Sev. We hardly see each other anymore, I…I’ve missed you” you say softly but firmly, not wanting to be brushed off. Shifting a bit so you could see her expression you watched as a flash of annoyance went through her eyes, but regardless you pressed forward. “Surely one day off wouldn’t be so much?,” you reason, “You work so hard, after all, anyone would be a fool to not see that.”

A sharp sigh. “Don’t make this harder than it already is baby, a job is a job,” she says simply, nudging your arms away and brushing you off just like that before getting out of bed and walking over to the dresser.

Your heart pangs with hurt as you realize she completely disregarded your feelings, and unwillingly tears well up in your eyes from frustration and sadness but you blink them back.

“Yeah, but the world doesn’t stop the moment you relax for a bit, Sevika. This can’t be good for you, and besides, Silco and his goons can more than manage,” you argue.

“Enough, I won’t hear any more of this,” she says, not even turning back to look at you, her tone final.

“Fine,” you mutter, before flipping over so your back is turned to her and cuddling into your pillow in place of her. Tears flow hotly down your face, and you try to stifle your sobs since you didn’t want to seem pathetic in front of Sevika. It worked for a while, but when you heard her footsteps leave the room, it was like a dam exploded as you sobbed.

She didn’t come back for the rest of the day.

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

To be honest, you had no will to be productive after the argument you and Sevika had in the morning, instead turning to mope around the house all day. Later in the evening, you settled on the couch to read, a blanket wrapped around your body like a protective barrier to the outside world. It was pretty nice.

You lost yourself in the words, transported to the world of your choosing. You had been lucky enough to learn how to read growing up, a luxury not so common in the Undercity, so whenever you could you brought it upon yourself to read.

All of a sudden the click of the lock draws you out and back into the waking world, and you watch the door as it opens and Sevika makes her way through. You couldn’t help the look of surprise that passed over your face, this was the earliest she had been back home in ages, you thought to yourself. Regardless, you turned back to the words and promptly ignored her. If there was one thing you were, it was petty, although you had to admit it warmed your heart to see her trying to be more present despite the argument the two of you had.

Despite your eyes on the page your focus was anywhere but on it. You heard the clink of keys on the countertop, her heavy boots loud as she stepped around before taking them off. Before long, the usual scent of Sevika filled the room, a mix of cigarette smoke and pine, comfort.

You heard her sigh before she made her way over to you, settling down on the couch by your side. You both waited for a moment, the air heavy with hesitancy before she wrapped you up in her arms, blanket and all and pulled your back to her chest holding you close.

“I can tell you don’t want want to talk right now baby, but I just needed to say I…” she hesitates for a moment. “I’m sorry.” Your eyes widen once more in surprise. Arguments in any relationship were inevitable, you and Sevika were no different, but she was never one to apologize. Instead, she would make it up to you in other ways, so hearing her say sorry almost made you want to cry again.

“I should have heard you out before getting short with you. Work has been…difficult lately, but that’s not an excuse I can give. There is none, frankly, I was shitty and I haven’t been spending enough time at home where I should be, by your side. I talked to Silco about it because you were right, I’m not the only person capable of doing jobs. Maybe the only one who can do them properly,” she scoffs, which makes you laugh lightly, “but still. I’ll be around more often, I promise,” she finishes before quieting again, waiting to hear what you have to say.

You wiggle around in her grasp for a moment and she lets you go immediately, a sound of displeasure coming from her throat as she probably thought you were trying to leave. But you were only trying to turn around to face her, and that was a bit difficult when she had effectively turned you into a human burrito with the blanket.

Straddling her waist you throw your arms over her neck.

“It’s alright Sev, I forgive you,” you say, pressing your lips to her cheek chastely. “That’s all I wanted, I have missed you a lot lately.” Sevika has a far-off look in her eyes for a moment, regret flashing through them.

“I’ve…missed you too baby,” she says before she grasps your chin between her fingertips and captures your lips between hers in a passionate and tender kiss.

“But you won’t have to anymore,” she grins.

A/N: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE THAT WAS OKAY LMAO.

#i love her so much #big buff scary wifey #idk why this prompt lived in my head but here we are #sevika #sevika arcane #arcane sevika #sevika x reader #arcane sevika x reader #sevika arcane x reader #sevika x y/n #arcane league of legends #arcane netflix #arcane imagines #arcane x reader #arcane #arcane fics #league of legends fanfiction #arcane league of lesbians #league of lesbians

390 notes · View notes

indigoraysoflight · 11 months

Text

What is Caryl's Future?

So Melissa McBride is returning to the new spinoff, and I am beyond excited to see her on my screen again. Seeing her happy made me tear up with happiness myself. I joined the fandom late last year, so I genuinely worried I would never see Carol again. So seeing her beaming in France – was the serotonin boost I desperately needed. I’m still thinking about the joy on her face. She deserves every bit of it.

Even though I wasn’t here when the spinoff was canceled, I’ve spoken to enough Carylers to see the scars last year has left behind. Everyone has fought and waited for this moment. And most I have spoken to are cautiously optimistic for the future.

Here’s where I stand.

Am I curious about S1? Yes. And I hope there are enough meaningful Caryl clues woven into the storyline to show us where Daryl’s heart has always belonged from the beginning. But will I subscribe to AMC and watch S1? No. Whether I subscribe to watch S2 and beyond depends on a few things.

I’ve formed my own opinion around this spinoff, and for me, it’s simple: Daryl loves Carol. Carol loves Daryl. They love each other, and most importantly — need each other. Anything less than that will never be enough

I don’t have the energy for (and won't tune in for):

Endless ship baiting – Manufacturing shippy tension that literally won't amount to anything is just that. Manufactured content that feels inauthentic. And I won't tune in for another 3-4 seasons of what I sat through in TWD. In my opinion, it dishonours Daryl's character development.

Separate arcs that don’t connect – I understand different characters have their own identity, and S1 will just be Daryl. Although I adore Daryl, I signed up to watch the Caryl spinoff. So if the goal is bringing Caryl together, the separate arcs should serve a purpose. I can't handle more of what we saw in S6-8 and S11.

The Caryl spin-off I want to watch includes:

A Romance – I’ve watched 11 seasons of TWD where Daryl and Carol kept moving closer together. From the moment he handed her that pickaxe to the moment he told her he loved her, Daryl and Carol were always headed toward romantic canon. Their relationship was written as romantic (confirmed by a showrunner, mind you). As the longest-standing duo from TWD, they deserve their happy ending.

The Daryl we love – I fell in love with the Daryl who held Carol together every time her world fell apart. The Daryl who would do anything for his family. The Daryl who was vulnerable, who carried Judith in his arms and fed her formula, the Daryl who cried when he was hurt, who carried a self-help book to deal with his trauma. And most importantly, the Daryl who saw and loved Carol through it all.

Melissa <3 – I adore Melissa McBride with every fiber of my being. And it physically hurt me to watch her get sidelined in S11, even though she was a lead actress on the show.

I trust Melissa’s judgement completely. If she has signed on for S2, I know she’s doing her best to honour herself and honour Carol’s story. I want that to reflect on my screen and on how she is promoted for the show.

Soulmatism – The reason S10 was one of my favourites was because of every moment of soulmatism we saw between Daryl and Carol. I want to see more meaningful moments between them that connect to their overall story. With some old callbacks and new Caryl motifs. They should mention each other, or think about each other in moments when they're apart. They should include meaningful Caryl threads that converge when they reunite.

A name that reflects it all – Lastly, I want to see the show come up with a name that honours them and their journey.

S11 broke many people’s hearts, including mine. If you’re one of these people who went through tough times last year and struggled with darkness because of what happened — I see you.

I’m sure you have your own story about what Caryl mean to you. Maybe you just enjoy good ol’ slow burn romances. Maybe you find comfort in their connection. Maybe they’ve helped you navigate some deep and dark moments of your life. Maybe they’ve helped you find your strength or taught you how to hope.

Whatever your “why” may be, you’re here because Caryl is important to you.

It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. It’s okay to feel cautiously optimistic. It’s okay if you’re afraid of getting your heart broken again. And it’s also ok if you’re simply excited to have Melissa back. Last year was difficult, and having layered feelings about the spinoff is okay.

Caryl deserve their happiness.

You know what S11 showed me? AMC had trouble gauging what its audience wanted to see. That was clear enough by how Caryl kept getting separated and Melissa kept getting sidelined.

The more AMC hears us speak about what we want, the more they know what we’ll show up for and tune in for. And I see that as a win-win for Carylers, AMC, and everyone who’s involved in making the show. To me, it feels like doing what we can to make sure Caryl get the story they deserve.

Which is why I personally think it's important to speak more about your dealbreakers regarding the new spinoff. Make posts of your own. Talk about it on social media. Discuss with other Carylers.

Your voice has power. Make your voice heard.

Whether you share my sentiment above or not, I appreciate you reading this post. In the end, we all want Caryl to be happy. Here’s to hoping that one day soon, our redneck and his silver-haired queen get to ride off into the sunset together.

Remember that Caryl belong together. Always have, always will. Nothing changes that. To us, they'll never be ashes.

#caryl #caryl spinoff #daryl x carol #carol x daryl #carol peletier #melissa mcbride #darylneedscarol #caryl is endgame

62 notes · View notes

agent-calivide · 8 months

Text

Some more fun facts about my rendition of Phoenix!

She has chronic anxiety, she used to bite her nails down to nubs before her job required her to wear gloves.

She had a deep scar across her palm from trying to open Zor’s car radio with a knife. It slipped and cut a deep gouge across her hand.

Phoenix is CPR certified. All agents are actually, and Heimlich trained.

Even though Phoenix can’t dance to save her soul, she can hella strut. She was actually recommended for the infiltration division (aka the division that most hot people go because they’re trained on how to flirt and seduce their way into places) but she refused, wanting to stick to stealth.

Phoenix is both touch repulsed and touch starved, she hates it when anyone touches her aside from M, Jocie, and Juniper (depending on the AU). That being said, once the touch threshold is crossed she’s an absolute cuddle bug and needs to be holding a hand or wrapped around an arm at all times.

Phoenix is Demisexual, she doesn’t really think of people on a scale of “hot or not” as much as “aesthetically pleasing” and when she does find someone looks good her first thought is usually that they’re conventionally attractive, not actual smitten. She actually thought she was ace for the longest time until she met Juniper and realized she was actually Demi. Juniper managed to hop over her “no touchy” barrier by showing (what looked to be) genuine kindness. It was quite humble of him to help a stagehand when he was the owner of the theater in her eyes, which is why she ended up accidentally bonding wayyy too fast.

That being said: this girl is a pan mess. If she gets any positive attention she devolves into a smitten puddle, not that she’d ever admit it. Solaris, Fabricator, Juniper, and Caliente have all pulled at her heartstrings totally by accident. The only reason Handler and Prism don’t is she looks at them as father and mother figures.

She idolizes Prism. When she got the home check mission she screamed and kicked her feet like she was meeting a celebrity, Prism is her hero. She loves computers and computer design, and Prism makes her feel like learning tech isn’t impossible.

Phoenix got into the EOD not with any skills or notable accomplishments, but because she was a nameless, faceless 17 year old with no notable record from the middle of nowhere with no personal connections or attachments. Between that and desperation for money that made her accept any job, the EOD practically swept her up when her application came through. They needed more young agents, and she got through the training by the time she was 20.

She’s not only competent, she’s one of the youngest agents on the field. This is also why she is very unconventional, impulsive, and reckless.

CW: EMOTIONAL ABUSE

She loves computers… but she feels like she’s not smart enough to learn about them. Her father and mother were the perfect 50’s family, smile for the camera, but awful behind closed doors. Her father reminded her every step of the way that she was too stupid to even earn a high school degree, much less go into computer engineering.

#i expect you to die #ieytd #ieytd2 #ieytd fandom #i expect you to die 2 #agent phoenix #i expect you to die 3 #ieytd3 #john juniper #ieytd handler #dr prism #cw emotional abuse

39 notes · View notes

melanie-ohara · 3 months

Text

Whumpuary2024 Masterpost

As well as every story I've written this month I also want to include some Fun Stats! about my experience of the challenge, as well as a playlist of all the songs I used lyrics from in my titles. Here we go:

The stats:

Words written: 53,034 (!!!!!)

Stories released: 17

Longest story: Oh, The Weather Outside is Frightful, 4,165 words, Mass Effect Andromeda

Shortest story: Like a Mouthful of Rain, 963 words, Original Work

Favourite story: Do You Want Me On Your Mind? 2,950 words, Baldur's Gate 3

Chocolate bars consumed: 20

Times cried while writing: four

Main prompts used: 27

Alt prompts used: 3

The stories:

These are all available on tumblr too, but for expedience and convenience these are all AO3 links. I'm also listing the song I used for the title, which wasn't something I was doing intentionally until the third story, at which point I figured it was better to lean into it and find songs that work for the characters I'm writing about rather than straining my poor brain to think of an original title.

Oh, The Weather Outside is Frightful

Mass Effect Andromeda, Sara Ryder/Vetra Nyx

Prompts: Snow, Captivity

Title stolen from Let It Snow by Ella Fitzgerald

My Heart Was Wired in Thorns

Baldur's Gate 3, Dark Urge (Sithla) & Wyll, Dark Urge & Lae'zel

Prompts: "Get away from me", Choking

Title stolen from Circus Bazooko by BRMC

In The Woods Somewhere and Take Yourself Apart For Me

Star Wars Ahsoka, Wolfwren (Sabine and Shin)

Prompts: Stabbed, Used as Bait, Lightheaded, "Help me"

Titles stolen from In The Woods Somewhere by Hozier and Haunt by BRMC

Hollow Yourself in the Mercy of Man

Original Work - Sci-fi

Prompt: Can't Move

Title stolen from Mercy of Man by Robert Levon Been ft. S.G. Goodman

Like a Mouthful of Rain

Original Work - Medieval

Prompt: Kidnapped

This one was hard to write. The previous day's story was such a failure in my eyes that I scrapped the planned second chapter and almost didn't write anything at all, until I threw this together at the last minute. I liked it quite a lot, in the end.

Title stolen from Revolver by Isobel Campbell and Mark Lanegan

Alive, Just to Watch the Bruises Heal

Mass Effect, Shepard/Thane Krios

Prompts: Exhaustion, Old Injuries

This one got pretty dark, but it's something I've been thinking about for literally years. I'm not the first person to justify the ME1 scars not being in ME2, but I might be the first person to think about Shepard putting them back.

Title stolen from Bruises by Band of Skulls

I'm Not Here Looking For Absolution

Star Wars, Nitearmor (Bo Katan/The Armorer)

Prompts: "I didn't know where else to go", Bruises

It is genuinely surprising to me that this is the only smut I wrote for this month

Title stolen from Bedroom Hymns by Florence + The Machine

Like a Broken Sail

Dishonored, Billie Lurk

Prompts: Hostage, Muffled Screams

I really liked this one because I got to subvert the second prompt a little. I was looking forward to it for days before I got to write it

Title stolen from Future Starts Slow by The Kills

The Working of My Hands

Baldur's Gate 3, Tav (Emily of Rivington)/Lae'zel

Prompts: "Do you trust me?", Restraints

Title stolen from De Selby, Part 2 by Hozier

No Hope For Me, Your Last Serving Daughter

Original Work - Etagne Empire

Prompts: Desperation, Can't Stay Awake

This is a story about a character from my work-in-progress book, MYSTERIES IN THE LAND OF ICE.

Title stolen from Hope In The Air by Laura Marling

Do You Want Me On Your Mind?

Baldur's Gate 3, Nocturne/Shadowheart, Tav (Mellephora)/Shadowheart

Prompts: Memories, Forced to Watch

Another prompt I had fun subverting

Title stolen from Fuel to Fire by Agnes Obel

Rulers Make Bad Lovers

Dishonored, Emily Kaldwin/Wyman/Alexi Mayhew

Prompts: "You're awake", Unfair Fight

Title stolen from Gold Dust Woman by Copilot Music + Sound (originally by Fleetwood Mac)

See How Deep the Bullet Lies

Mass Effect, Shiara (Shepard/Liara)

Prompts: Left to Die, "I'm fine"

Title stolen from Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush

I'll Be Your All For Now

Dishonored, Cecelia/Callista

Prompts: Sleep Deprivation, "Let me see"

These two are my number one rarepair, I love them

Title stolen from Echo by BRMC

Can't Touch You Now and A Soft Caress, As Cold As Death

Baldur's Gate 3, Tav (Calarisa)/Karlach

Prompts: Touch-starved, Aftermath

Titles stolen from Because the Night by Garbage & Screaming Females (originally by Patti Smith), and I Want to Live by Borislav Slavov ft. Ilona Ivanova

The songs I stole lyrics from

Here is a spotify playlist of all the music I used, most of which fit the stories or characters in them. They do not flow into each other at all and there's an over-abundance of BRMC (they're my favourite band, shoot me), but these are all songs I really love. Apart from Let it Snow. That's there because I didn't plan any of this.

Final thoughts

Whumpuary2024 is the first month-long challenge I've undertaken, and it was extremely hard and really rewarding. I aimed to average a thousand words a day and blew clear past that most days, and a few times I barely stumbled across the line as beaten and bloodied as the people I was writing about. I'm incredibly glad I did it and I will probably try again next year (though maybe not a prompt a day next time!). Thank you @whumpuary for the fun event and for randomly crossing my dash at a moment when I was feeling creative enough to sign myself up

If anyone made it this far, thank you for reading! I hope you like the stories. It's not a secret that I'm adding a secret 18th story as a follow up to the Wolfwren series, but this is your special confirmation that it'll be out February the first and second

13 notes · View notes

historicallyaccuratecheese · 2 months

Text

I’ve finally started listening to Season 2 of The Magnus Archives, so as per usual, here are my thoughts on the first 10 episodes of the season, from 41 to 50! Already this season is shaping up to be a wild ride and I’ve really enjoyed it so far. But as always, here are some things to consider if you plan to read this post.

1: This post is extremely long and in depth, the longest of these I’ve made so far in fact. Read it only in chunks or if you have enough time on your hands.

2: There’s obviously spoilers for everything in The Magnus Archives up to Episode 50, so please tread carefully if you haven’t gotten that far. Also, please do not spoil anything from future episodes for me.

3: I recommend you read my previous posts before this one, as I will be referring back to those older posts. I’ve made a link to the masterpost here for you to easily access them.

Anyways, enjoy my rambling! :)

- Episode 41, Too Deep ⬇️

Statement of Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, regarding exploration of the tunnels recently discovered below the archives. Statement taken direct from and recorded by subject.

That episode title is right, the show of going a bit too deep for my liking, I’m SCARED. You know what, I’m happy to say that Jon has blossomed into quite the relatable protagonist. He has an undying thirst for the truth, and is extremely paranoid and traumatized by the events of Season 1. He’s just like me fr! Anyways, thankfully the content of this episode was much simpler and easy to digest than I thought it would’ve been initially. It does feel like Rusty Quill wanted to ease listeners back in by giving us an episode that establishes the new status quo, but that being said, this one still gave me quite a bit to think about. Firstly, we have Jon’s mental state which is…yikes. Like, I know a month has passed an all, but I still feel like he needs a hug and a long nap. I know I joke about wanting to bash this guy’s head in like a piñata, or throw him off a skyscraper, or squeeze him like a squeaky toy…but now I’m genuinely concerned for him. Knowing how Jane scarred him physically and mentally is really upsetting, but hey! At least Martin seems to be taking good care of him, although considering what happened to him last season I still have to question if he’s ok as well, just…I want everyone to take care of themselves as well. Also, I know this sounds wrong, but I kind of hope that jar actually does have Jane’s ashes in it, because I miss her and it would be nice for her to still kind of be with us. Also I hope Tim gets back to work ok :(. Also Not!Sasha still terrifies me-OK! Back to Jon! It is really cool that the season begins with a statement directly written by the protagonist, and while I’m certainly concerned about his paranoia (which I’ll get to later), it’s nice to see him actively engaging in the mysteries and looking for answers. But with that out of the way, what about the tunnels? Well, firstly, I’m glad that this episode clarified that these tunnels are like…a new discovery? Because when Tim mentioned them in Episode 39, he spoke about them as if they were common knowledge, which was just…kind of weird to me? Now, it’s become a lot more apparent that the tunnels are quite a recent discovery, and they make for a very intriguing new mystery! I’m certain they’ll show up more throughout the season, but for now, they are just…really terrifying. Firstly, I’ll mention some of the things we discovered about them that were followed up on here, and then go on to the brand new information we got. …GOD DAMN POLICE! I WANTED TO LISTEN TO THOSE TAPES!!! Look, I get WHY they took them, it’s just…UUUGGGHH!!! Gertrude Robinson, WHAT ARE YOUR SECRETS?!! On top of that we have the matter of the weird circle of worms. I still think they were trying to open some sort of hidden passage, but the implications that…someone else was there are certainly concerning. I assume it’s whoever seems to be lurking around down here (who might also be the voice Jon heard), but…I really don’t know what to think of this. I really don’t know what to think of…ANY of this! But as for the new information provided, we obviously have the facts about Millbank Prison.

Firstly, it’s always a pleasure to see TMA incorporate obscure real-world history into its story, I just think it’s generally kind of neat whenever they do that. But outside of that, I don’t really know what to make of this information outside of a couple of things (like the institute being built on top of a prison being potential symbolism for Jon being stuck here now that he’s gotten wrapped up in the mystery). The two things that really caught my attention however, was that they make sure to bring up the panopticon format of Millbank. This kind of ties into the whole them of “being watched” that’s been coming up. Also, I guess now’s a better time than ever to mention the whole idea of Jon being watched. I honestly don’t know who or what is watching him, but my best guess is that it’s whatever is in the tunnels, or if I’m crazy, ME. (Although I’m technically listening so…idk. It still makes me feel kind of guilty though.) The other big takeaway is that Millbank, and likely the tunnels, we’re built by our beloved Robert Smirke. The tunnels already did remind me of Episode 35, so this isn’t all that surprising, but it’s nice to get further confirmation that these places are fucked up! It does make me wonder if he had a hand in building the institute itself though…hmmm… But after that lore drop, we get to the creepiest part of the episode. I’ll just say it: No, I do not know who is in the tunnels, my best guess is Gertrude’s killer but I don’t think that’s saying much. I also do not know what the wine bottle means, (although I literally just made a post about a wine bottle on a street that felt like the beginning of a TMA statement? That’s really weird?!) nor do I know who or what drew that arrow, or told Jon to leave. All I know is that, yes, this heavily reminds me of Episode 15. Like, not just this scene, but honestly the episode as a whole. This makes me think that maybe the thing in the tunnels is the same force behind Lost Johns’ Cave, and combine that with the fact I suspect said force to be the same as the darkness from Episodes 9 and 25, and that Jon’s torch apparently started to dim strangely quickly…I just feel like The People’s Church of The Divine Host might have some relevance here. Either way, this just makes me more and more concerned for the institute staff. It just goes to show that they have gone…well, too deep, and that even if he runs out of those tunnels, Jon is not truly safe from, say it with me everyone…✨the horrors✨. Oh Jane Prentiss’ Ashes, we’re really in for it now.

But of course, that’s not all, as the episode ends with a secret supplemental from Jon! …The fact that exists at all just makes me more concerned for his paranoia and mental health. So you know how I said I’d love it if Season 2 was a murder mystery? Well…be careful what you wish for I guess. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very excited by the plot point but…Jon can you please just calm down you’re scaring me. It’s interesting that he too is most suspicious of Elias though. I’m still very suspicious of him as well but..I don’t know, usually when a show tries to steer you in one direction like this, it ends up going the other way, so this oddly makes me like…2% less suspicious of Elias, simply because I feel like the show’s trying to bamboozle me. As for the other potential suspects, well, Sasha would be an interesting choice given that she’s…you know…although oddly enough I doubt Not!Sasha did it, since she probably wouldn’t have been at the institute when Gertrude was murdered. So congratulations Not!Sasha, I’m not suspicious of you for once! There’s a decent enough possibility for the killer to be Tim, but I’d genuinely be STUNNED if it was Martin. Like, it could be an excellent twist if done right but WOW. That would be genuinely insane. Overall I’m still most suspicious of Elias by a wide margin, but much like Jon, I’m keeping my suspects open just in case. The last thing I have to mention here is how this supplemental made me think about how…me as the listener fits into this. In canon, I feel like I’m supposed to be either Jon’s successor, his killer, some random shmuck who just came across the tapes, and MAYBE whoever Jon feels like is watching him although that seems a bit more unlikely. Anyways, that’s a wrap on this episode! In conclusion, it was a good episode, and I’m as scared as I’ve ever been, but hey, I’m also excited to listen to the rest of the season and see where the mysteries go! (Also ALEX READING THE END BIT? HELLO?! That’s the scariest part of the episode.)

Sorry if this one was also a bit incoherent (is this like a curse with Robert Smirke statements or something), like I said, this one kind of feels like one meant to ease you back in, so I don’t have too many coherent thoughts on the reveals of the episode just…a lot of emotions. I’m sure that’ll change as the season progresses though. Although, I did have one theory brewing in my head, it doesn’t really connect to anything in this episode that I’m aware of but I just thought I’d put it here. So, I was thinking about some of the cults from Season 1, namely The People’s Church of The Divine Host and the heat-based cult. I’ve assumed that they’re completely separate, since they seem to serve separate powers, but in retrospect, they actually had some very notable things in common, outside of just…being creepy cults. Namely, they both seem to be in opposition to both Gertrude Robinson and Gerard Keay. The PCOTDH performed a ritual on the supposed date of Gertrude’s death, while the heat cult contained pictures of her in their creepy bottles. Meanwhile, Gerard straight up kills the person who seeks to be a member of the heat cult, and his symbol seems to be an eye, while The PCOTDH has a closed eye as their symbol. So either these two groups are intrinsically linked at the hip, maybe even different sects of one larger cult, or Gertrude and Gerard just both had knacks for pissing cults off. Eh, food for thought.

- Episode 42, Grifter’s Bone 🎹

Statement of Jennifer Ling, regarding a live musical performance she attended in Soho.

This is literally just Killer Track from Nightmare Time lmao. I mean not really, but like…come on, they’re about songs that kill people, and also both contain instances of songs that cannot be remembered. This episode was MADE to fuel my hyperfixations. Also, fun fact, I recall seeing a post about tma before I started listening, where it mentioned how some episodes are deep looks into trauma while others are about a song so shit that it kills people. That post was actually one of the first things that got me to consider listening, so it’s cool to have finally come across that same episode! Although granted, I don’t think that’s the most accurate description, but I’ll get to that soon. Anyways, even if I didn’t find the episode super scary until the end, I’m more than willing to excuse it simply due to how creative it is. I know I just compared it to another piece of media, but all things considered I think this is a very fun one conceptually. Music journalism of all things isn’t something you’d expect to get tackled in tma, but it surprisingly worked really well. I actually quite liked Jennifer as the protagonist here, while she’s not nearly as shaken by the events as someone like the guy from Episode 37, I still got this…uneasy feeling from Jon’s narration, like from the beginning, you could tell something bad happened without it being TOO obvious. And…learning what happened to her after she gave her statement…yeah I can see why she’d be on edge! I thought Grifter’s Bone itself was really creepy and I do hope we learn more about them going forward, like, yeah, this was just a fun, kind of creepy, and very creative episode that I had a good time with. But then the post-statement investigation is revealed and…wow. Look, I think the jokes about the music being so shitty it kills people are funny, there’s some genuine gold about that in the YouTube comments. I mean hell, it’s a joke in-universe! But, part of me thinks that’s doing a disservice to what the episode is actually about. Because by the end, we see that it’s about a song so good that it causes people to harm and/or kill each other. I think there’s a good few ways you could interpret the meaning of this, but I personally see it as a metaphor for toxic fandom behavior. Look, I’ve BEEN in music fandoms before, I can say with certainty that this works as a metaphor. But, who knows? I’d love to hear other people’s takes on this as I think it can be seen in multiple ways. On top of that, there’s a few weird things about the circumstances i which Grifter’s Bone plays. Like, when it was just Alfred playing, Lee had no memory of the concert, and also survived. But when the entire band played, Jennifer remembered the concert, even if she wasn’t in the venue, and for some reason it triggered a…gathering between ghosts that killed each other again? I don’t know, there’s just some strange things going on here, and while it’s hard to really find anything that Grifter’s Bone might connect to right now, I hope some connections and answers pop up later. (Well, in retrospect, they do actually kind of remind me of The Piper from Episode 7, since that thing also played music and drove someone to bloodlust, but granted, the themes between the two episodes seem to be pretty different so I don’t know if that actually means anything.) However, one connection I found interesting was the presence of the crystal shop, which I really can’t see being anything other than the same one Jane was working at. This, along with the description of his expression, leads me to believe that the man who tried to warn Jennifer was the “Oliver” who Jane saw. And…I will concede that this could make the theory of him being Antonio Blake more plausible. Antonio is obviously important, and assuming this guy is Oliver, then he’s important as well. Also, someone in the comments pointed out that maybe he foresaw Jennifer’s death, which…yeah, I can see that! I still think I need more time and evidence before I’m fully sold on this theory but…I won’t deny it’s plausible.

So yeah, I had a really good time with this episode! Creative concept, fun execution, it’s up there with Anatomy Class as being…as “chill” as a an episode of tma can be. I’d really like to see this develop into a larger plot, but I’m also happy with just this statement (although some answers would be nice). But obviously, there is one thing that I have failed to mention. That is of course…the legendary supplement. Oh. My. God. Martin, you poor poor soul. You know, I had some joking suspicions after listening to one of the bonus shorts with his poetry on it (which I probably should’ve waited for, but like, I needed something to calm down with after the Season 1 finale), but…I actually can’t believe it. Martin has a genuine thing for Jon. And it is adorable, sad, and absolutely hilarious. Adorable in the sense that Martin’s crush is really cute and that I think they could make for a really cute couple, sad in the fact that Jon is the most dense human being in existence and that this is a horror series, so the relationship is probably doomed by default, and hilarious in the sense that Martin is trying his best to get Jon to fall in love with him, and not only does Jon not recognize it, but. But. He- he thinks he’s trying to SABOTAGE HIM. This. THIS PARANOID LITTLE FREAK I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very concerned for him right now, but I’d be lying if I said that this wasn’t the ship dynamic of the century. Damn you Rusty Quill, I can’t solve the overarching mystery now because I’ll be too busy thinking about THIS. (Also I find it both really funny and really sad that Jon’s so suspicious of Martin when Not!Sasha is. RIGHT. THERE. If there’s a single scene where he goes “Sasha is the only person here I can trust” or smth I will lose my mind.) There’s also the matter of his note which could mean…honestly anything. All it tells us is that Martin is lying about something, which could be anything from his crush on Jon to him actually being the killer (although I think the latter is unlikely since this is only the second episode of Season 2), and that his mother probably has…some sort of relevance. It could mean a lot of things but for now I’ll just put a pin in it. So yeah, really enjoyable episode with a fantastic supplemental.

Also, we have the million dollar question. What do I think Grifter’s Bone sounds like? Well, that’s easy:

- Episode 43, Section 31 🚔

Statement of Police Constable Basira Hussain, regarding her time investigating strange occurrences as part of Section 31. Statement taken direct from subject.

NOOOOOOO NOT THE COPS!!! WHO LET THEM GET INVOLVED???!!!! Nah I’m just kidding, Basira Hussain was actually pretty cool. So, this episode is quite the interesting one, as despite it technically being another statement, the way it’s structured makes it feel pretty unique. Obviously this episode has some very interesting reveals in terms of the overarching plot, but I feel like it’s purpose here was to establish the importance of the police force, namely Section 31, to the plot of Season 2. I mean, given what we learn about them here, and the fact that they’re in charge of a lot of matters related to Gertrude, I’m not surprised that they seem to be playing a decently significant role here. But uh..anyways let’s start off by talking about Basira. Yeah I like her :). She was chill, and I like how she’s very willing to help Jon out despite the fact that she probably shouldn’t. It’s a nice change of pace considering how I, and I assume many others, are used to cop characters being very stuck-up, and I think her seeming frustration with being sectioned was pretty endearing. I also kind of liked the buddy-cop dynamic she had with Jon as well, and I especially liked how this is really the first instance we have of Jon being very open to what the statement giver is saying. It really shows a lot of growth from his Season 1 denial, even if it comes at the cost of him going insane in this season. I’ll touch more on her deal with Jon at the end, but for now I’ll talk a bit about the experiences she describes. Obviously, the experience with the burning building was by far the most interesting one. I’ll start off by saying that as creepy as his death was, the sectioned officer Basira was working with has it coming. That’s what you get for being racist! Or misogynistic…Or, generally prejudice- Look. What I’m saying is that he probably deserved his fate. But who cares about that because OH MY GOD EPISODE 12. Obviously the episode has come back in multiple ways via stuff like Gerard and The Cult of Asag, but finally getting some confirmation on who the other burnt guy was is really cool! Diego Molina is quite the enigma, and the episode really got me thinking about his abilities, the book in red leather (which I struggle to see being anything other than another Leitner, although I have to question what Jon mean’s when he said he had a suspicion as to where Diego got the book. Like it was obviously in Jurgen’s library at some point but that doesn’t mean he got it directly from there. Maybe I missed something, IDK), and generally what the deal with The Cult of Asag is. Also, it seems Diego got burned and later killed by Gerard after the events of this episode, which makes me wonder about how he got burned there, since he was completely fine here. And also he has a zippo lighter, like Gerard and Jon? What does that mean? Is it the same as Gerard’s? But…his had an eye symbol, not a flame or whatever. I don’t know, I have a lot of questions regarding this guy and the cult he’s a part of. but I’ll just have to wait and see what pops up as time goes on.

Now, Basira’s second encounter with the paranormal doesn’t have as much going on, but I still find it very curious. The person she finds in the room is pretty interesting. The thing that really stuck out to me was that his house was in complete darkness. Given how this episode definitely deals with The Cult of Asag, I have to wonder if this is supposed to hint towards involvement from The People’s Church of The Divine Host. Someone in the YouTube comments also pointed out that the guy could’ve been one of the grim reaper people from Episode 29. I won’t deny the possibility, given the domino cases, attempt at suicide, and the fact that he was still alive after death, but I’ll keep other possibilities in mind as well just in case. However, something that obviously stuck out to me here was the presence of Daisy, Basira’s partner during this incident. She mentions having an encounter with vampires, and while Basira brushes it off as a joke…come on, there’s no way this doesn’t mean anything. And I actually have a small theory regarding this. You see, from Episode 36, we obviously know that Trevor Herbert, the vampire killer himself, is a relatively important character. We also know that he has a currently unnamed woman as his companion, so I’m wondering if that woman might be Daisy. This would probably mean that they departed from each other’s company at some point but…I just can’t shake the feeling that this is a possibility. The only potential hole I can see in this theory is that the woman had a scar on her eye, which seems like a pretty notable detail that would be weird for Basira to leave out, but it’s equally possible that she just didn’t find it worth mentioning. Either way, I am certainly interested by that line about vampires. One other line here that stood out to me was Basira’s mention of a spooky clown doll, which HAS to be a reference to Episode 24. We know that “weird” incidents are usually dealt with by Section 31, and that Section 31, is a rather small team, so it’s possible that Basira has been involved in police investigations of multiple statement, but I still felt it was a interesting thing to quote.

So overall, this was a pretty good episode. It’s not an all-time favorite for me if I’m being honest, but it set up some very interesting potential plot threads, I really liked Basira, and I thought it was cool to get a first look at what I assume will be a good amount of involvement from the police in the future. But of course…we have that supplemental. Oh thank fucking god we didn’t have to wait too long to get Gertrude’s tapes. Basira, you’re an absolute G, I hope to see more of these come through in the future (although I also hope she doesn’t get fired in the process lmao). I’m…probably not prepared for whatever will be on these tapes going forward but, hey! Let’s just appreciate the fact that we’re getting them at all! I…am getting more and more concerned for Jon though. Like, sweetheart, you REALLY need to lie down for a bit, I know it’s rich coming from me, but this constant search for the truth is going to bite you in the ass if you keep on going any further. You could also use some more help from Martin as well…no reason… Anyways, so far the season is going great, only three episodes in and it already feels like it’s going places. (I would like an update on Tim though, and…”Sasha”….ehhhhhh…)

Supplemental: “Martin just kissed me, I THINK THERE WAS POISON IN HIS MOUTH” - Jon, probably.

- Episode 44, Tightrope 🎪

Case 9790302. Yuri Utkin. Incident occurred in the village of Algosovo, Central Russia, November 1952.

WOOOOOOOOO GERTRUDE!!!! FINALLY we get to hear her, and while she’s still obviously shrouded in mystery, I was very satisfied with what we got of her. Firstly, I absolutely love the fact that she’s voiced by Jonny Sims’ mother, I always find it really funny whenever the roles of characters reflect the relationship between the actors, so I just though that was really cool. And she did a great job in the role, honestly I felt like I was being read a bedtime story. Specifically a fucked up German bedtime story (or I guess Russian…technically…). Honestly she’s pretty in line with how I imagined her, although I kind of thought she’d be a lot more cold when she comes off as just…pretty chill in reality, at least in comparison to Jon. And that’s probably the element of her character that interests me the most, outside of what she was doing and what really happened to her. Compared to Jon, who is frantically searching for the truth with very little answers, Gertrude seems to be much more aware of what’s really going on. She’s SO familiar with The Other Circus that she’s able to read this extremely creepy story and be like “wow this guy got lucky.” Like…WHAT HAS THIS WOMAN SEEN?! Obviously there could’ve been a period in time where she, like Jon, was in a frenzied state looking for answers, but in the context of what we’re seeing, it provides for an interesting contrast between her and Jon that I really like. But it raises SO many questions. Like, what exactly would it take for Gertrude to react extremely to a statement when she’s this unbothered by what she’s reading? How much did she know? I mean, I think it would be safe to assume she died because she knew too much, but like…how many weirdos and cults did she piss off in the process? I’m really anticipating where they might go with her in the future, as there’s a lot of interesting routes they could take. But outside of our first look at Gertrude, we obviously have the statement itself, and FUCK YEAH IT’S THE OTHER CIRCUS!!! Even though it’s only shown up in a couple of episodes prior to this one, this circus has actually been one of the most intriguing plot threads for me personally. I’m just a sucker for creepy carnivals, so finally getting an episode with a big focus on it makes me very happy. Ultimately this episode confirms my suspicions that this thing is a cult, because like…come on. There’s no way it isn’t. However, I still don’t really know what power they might serve, and the ringmaster Gregor Orsinov remains shrouded in mystery. As do…ALL of the cult leaders now that I think about it. We really only know the names of two of them, those being Gregor and Maxwell Rayner, but that’s about it. Regardless, I do feel like this episode gave a better idea of what The Other Circus wishes to accomplish, or at least what their deal is. The tiger, the freaks, the people in the audience, and…maybe the Ivan we see on the tightrope (I haven’t made my mind up on that one), are all implied to be not entirely…real, or as Yuri says, impossible. I think they’re basically artificial copies of real people and animals, but with some minor differences like glassy eyes or impossible anatomy, hence why it’s called “Another Circus”. For what purpose other than creeping people out, I have no idea, but I feel like that’s what’s going on here. As for the bag…well, I think it probably did contain Ivan but…I don’t really know what’s up with it, although it did kind of remind me of Episode 5 with the trash bags, and I think that episode connects to Episode 34, and…now that I think about it, the slightly off people and animals here are kind of like the anatomy students. Yeah I think I’m going in insane circles now! Also I guess I haven’t really talked about the story here, truth be told it’s not the most interesting element of the episode but uh…yeah I liked it as always, I feel pretty bad for Yuri and Ivan. God, imagine having severe mental trauma as the best case scenario simply because Gregor and his circus are just that dangerous, that’s messed up!

Well, outside of all of that, I obviously have some connections to discuss, so what about those? Well, obviously this one connects to Episode 24 more than any other, most notably via the calliope organ. So…yeah, I guess Nikolai Denikin wasn’t that good of a person! My initial assumption was that he caught onto whatever messed up things The Other Circus wished to achieve, and then quit and hid the calliope (…I miss Sasha) to stop them. Now that could still be the case, but this episode suggests that Nikolai was aware of The Other Circus’ horrific tendencies, and gave them a lot of power, meaning that he’s not entirely without a bad streak, and very well could’ve still been affiliated with them even after he “left” in the 1970s. Secondly, we have the clown in purple and white with polka dots which…almost perfectly matched the description of the doll from Episode 24. From that episode, it seems that doll was capable of turning other people into dolls…but does this episode signify that the clown doll was also originally a person. Maybe they sacrificed themselves in order to turn other people into dolls, or they were turned into a doll as punishment and the curse goes to other people whenever the calliope plays…I don’t know but it’s suspicious, especially since Basira Hussain seemingly mentioned the doll in the previous episode. But most interesting to me is the presence of who it seems very likely are our beloveds, Breekon and Hope. This is the first time we’ve seen them affiliated with a faction other than their own (although I do think they connect to Mikaele Salesa but that’s a different topic), which is very interesting. I already suspected they were the guys who stole the calliope in Episode 24, (looking back they were also probably the “two strong men” in the picture Jon described) and I believe that even more now. However, this episode gave me two ideas as to why they might have stolen the calliope in the first place. The first idea is dictated by the idea that Nikolai Denikin was no longer affiliated with The Other Circus. If that were the case, then I believe that Breekon and Hope are still affiliated with The Other Circus, and tried to steal the calliope back, but then it ended up in the institute’s artifact storage through unknown means. More likely though, I think that Nikolai was still affiliated with The Other Circus, and Breekon and Hope left, explaining why they are shown with their own company in modern day. As for what reasons, I don’t know, but I believe that it gave them enough motivation to steal the calliope as revenge, and then deliver it to the institute. Either way, their presence here is very interesting, and it makes me wonder if there’s any connection between The Other Circus, and all of the items that Breekon and Hope have delivered. Specifically the table because…well, it’s implied there were fake people in the audience and…you know… How many episodes do you think it’ll take for my brain to explode now?

Overall this was a VERY intriguing episode, getting a first look at Gertrude and more on what is one of the most intriguing plot points so far for me was very satisfying, and I’m sure I’ll be spending a lot more time mulling this over. As for the supplemental…well that is certainly concerning. I feel like they want me to be suspicious of Martin due to that note, and I am to an extent but…this has Not!Sasha written all over it. I mean, it’s implied she already stole a few tapes so I wouldn’t be surprised if she was snooping around. (The irony of one of the tapes she stole being Episode 24’s as well, lmao.) Well…that’s about it. All in all I’m very intrigued, I hope Jon is able to take care of his supplemental and..uh…I don’t really know how to end this part so EPISODE 45!!!!!!

- Episode 45, Blood Bag 💉

Statement of Thomas Neill, regarding his experiences working in malarial research during the spring of 2010.

EW EW EW EW ICKY BLEGH. I…do not do well with mosquitoes. Worms I can handle, like, I can relate to that, but mosquitoes? No. Devil spawn. Even worse when they spread malaria. So suffice to say, considering that this IS a horror podcast, this episode did a pretty good job! Ultimately some of the plot details here are a little bit vague, and the episode itself doesn’t have as much to unpack as some of the others so far, but I’ll discuss what I can regardless. Firstly, I do really like the general setting of this statement. I’ve always found lab accidents to be very scary if done effectively, what with how fragile and dangerous that kind of environment can be. I also thought they handled it really well with the slow build of paranormal activity, up to the…extremely gruesome ending. Like, YIKES. Honestly I feel really bad for Neil, poor guy was just being silly in the workplace and needed some cash, yet he got SO screwed over. Why am I surprised though, reality just seems like a massive bitch in tma, maybe even more so than in our timeline! But hey, at least there was another theatre kid Jon moment when Thomas was describing Neil’s death, so that’s nice! Neil’s death also did kind of remind me of just…everything Jane, what with a whole bunch of creepy crawlies enveloping him, although worms aren’t really traditional insects so I don’t know if those similarities mean anything, especially since this episode lacks the theme of toxic love that was extremely present with The Flesh Hive. (Although there was fire extinguishers involved…hm…) Speaking of that though, I want to talk a bit about the syringe. I think the implication here was that the mosquitoes wished harm on Neil due to his attempts to work against them, which is…an absolutely horrific thought. Those things are already little assholes, but the idea of them having a PERSONAL GRUDGE…oh no no no no no. Anyways, I think the syringe protected him from them, so when he lost it, they went full ham, infecting the haemoglobish with a bajillion diseases, and later killing him. (And also Thomas later on, what a bunch of assholes!) But this idea, the concept of an insect ecosystem being sentient enough to wish harm on a human out of a personal grudge…yeah it’s very adjacent to The Flesh Hive. And considering that the syringe was last seen with someone as important as Mikaele Salesa, I feel that it might be important if the institute ever has to deal with something flesh hive-adjacent once again. Oh yeah, Mikaele was here too. Kind of surprising considering it hasn’t been that long since he last showed up in a statement. Ultimately this statement didn’t really tell us that much more about him, he just continues to be a mysterious guy who’s probably bad, but maybe not as bad as some other people. And while there are rumors of his death…I highly doubt he’s really gone. Either way, I’m interested to see where they go with him in the future. (Also Jon just starting his closing thoughts with “yeah I hate mosquitoes too”…he’s real for that honestly.) Um…what else? Well, I find a few small details curious. Firstly, the rising heat in the lab is VERY reminiscent of a lot of previous statements, such as Episode 12, 37, and the Hill Top Road cases. To me it signifies some sort of connection to The Cult of Asag, although I have no idea what said connection could be. A lot of people also pointed out that the only blood type mentioned so far in the entire series is 0-, which is kind of curious, although once again, I don’t what that might mean. And finally, we have the reveal that Thomas started working at King’s College, the same place where Dr. Lionel Elliot taught in Episode 34. Overall, the connection are pretty vague here and don’t reveal all that much new, so either this episode is setting up stuff that hasn’t shown up yet, or it’s less relevant than I think. But as always, I still enjoyed it! Neil’s death will probably give me nightmares but who cares? Still a very good episode!

So…the supplemental. You know, if I worked in the archives, I would find Mikaele, get the syringe, and provided it’s not some kind of cursed talisman, I’d use it to sedate Jon because SWEETHEART YOU NEED TO LIE DOWN. On one hand, seeing Jon slowly go insane has been very entertaining, on the other hand, it makes me terrified for literally everyone. This isn’t even a visual show and yet I can still clearly see him shaking violently and eating things from off the ground. I mean, just look at him. Martin has a crush on him and yet Jon thinks he’s secretly plotting a murder. (Also what a sweetheart he is giving his boss/crush tea during his moments of insane paranoia, very glad to hear him again.) “Sasha” is, as far as I know, the most objectively suspicious person in the archives, and yet she is the only one Jon hasn’t batted an eye at yet. And Tim…Jon’s LITERALLY just stalking him?! No?! I mean, I guess I’m also a little curious as to why he’s working at the institute despite no signs of prior interest in the paranormal but like…I wouldn’t go as far as to start taking pictures of his fucking house! (Although how come Martin knows what his house looks like…hm…) Also HOW could you even think that Tim “Joe Spooky” Stoker is capable of murder?! He would never! (…please let me be right when I say that) …Look, I know I’m the one writing insane analyses of this podcast, and I’m probably a massive hypocrite saying this since I am LITERALLY setting up a cork-board in my room for connecting the dots, but that doesn’t make Jon any more sane, okay? Maybe…maybe we should both just lie down…despite the truth being just out of reach...I’ll listen to Episode 46 tomorrow…uuugghhh…

- Episode 46, Literary Heights ⛈️

Statement of Herbert Knox, regarding a repeat customer to his bookshop in Chichester.

Stupid idiot mother fucking god damn fool Jurgen Leitner is lucky that this episode was so fantastic, or else his sad frail old man twig bones would’ve simply flaked apart under my epic huge meat fist. (Look, I have to quote it SOMEWHERE ok?) Anyways, this episode was…absolutely phenomenal? Like, I’ve really been enjoying the season so far, but this episode coming out of nowhere and worming it’s way into…I don’t know, at least my top six episodes, is kind of insane. There’s obviously quite a bit to unpack here, so I guess I’ll start with just a few basic observations. Firstly, this episode opens with one of the best examples of theatre kid Jon so far. Like, the shift in his voice is absolutely hilarious. Secondly, and I feel like I need to address this, there has a been a metric fuck-tonne of Micheals in the show so far, so being able to refer to one as Mike is an absolute blessing. …I have a theory surrounding that though, but I’ll get to it in a minute. But I guess that works as a good segue into the main topic of interest here, Mike Crew. Truth be told, as good as it is, I don’t have much more to say about the episode on its own, as I think most of the intrigue comes from the implications for the overarching narrative it brings, although just to be clear, I’ll say that the episode has a fantastic story to tell on its own. Anyways, enough preamble, MIKE CREW! It’s genuinely such a treat to get a better look at just…what this guy is even like. I’ve known that he’s important for a while, but that’s only because he was mentioned in two separate statements, and I never knew WHY he was important, but this episode comes with some really interesting reveals. Firstly, I have to say that this guy is absolutely one of my favorite characters from the statements so far. His whole vibe is just so intriguing, and you get the sense that he has a better understanding of ✨the horrors✨than most other characters so far, but that he’s also terrified by what he’s witnessed. Anyways, I think the most interesting element of his character is how he’s clearly…just a very haunted man. This episode definitely suggests that him getting struck by lightning as a child was a paranormal experience that…connected him to something. I think it would be cool if we maybe got a statement from him later on that talked about that more, but for now, it’s just very interesting to see those powers over storms and electricity he seems to possess, willingly or not. It also seems like maybe he was studying Leitners and other books on demonology in order to get a grip on whatever was haunting him, with The Boneturner’s Tale obviously being one of them. Oh yeah, there was also some interesting stuff about Jurgen Leitner here. I do have to wonder if all of those strange deaths that occurred in the old book trade were caused by either him or his fucked up books, although he supposedly went into hiding in 1994 so I’m not entirely sure what that means. I’ve also started to notice how the Leitners…compel people. Like, Dominic Swain just…decided to go on a wild goose chase in order to learn more about Ex Altiora, Sebastian Adekoya was adamant on getting The Boneturner’s Tale despite knowing that it was bad news, Jared Hopworth was lured in by the same book despite clearly not being much of a reader, and now we have both Mike Crew and Herbert Knox fighting desperately for Ex Altiora. It’s…just very odd how much these books draw people in. And I think this is another good segue into talking about the glorious return of Ex Altiora.

Firstly, I nearly screamed at the name drop, like oh my god that was so exciting. Secondly, it’s really cool to finally learn what the story in the book even was. If it wasn’t for the fact that I’d end up in a perilous situation if I did so, and that I don’t know Latin, I’d honestly read it, it sounds pretty cool. Either way, Mike’s possession of it is very interesting to me. Obviously it seems like it’s because of him that the Lichtenburg Figure showed up in the book, meaning that it’s unlikely that Mary Keay was trying to trigger Dominic’s childhood trauma, I guess. It’s also very curious how Mike somehow knew how to wield its power correctly from the looks of things, and I also have to wonder why it ended up in some random bookstore when it seemed to be so important to him. But I think the most interesting thing about it is how it connects to whatever was haunting Mike. Jon suggests that he was trying to use it as a ward, which I do agree with, but I wonder if it backfired in the end. Maybe Mike thought that its raw power could protect him, but in reality, the book was connected to the force pursuing him without his knowledge. I mean, Ex Altiora causes vertigo and is about a high mountaintop village being terrorized by a vast and unknowable massive monster, and Mike is connected to the sky, so I think it adds up in the end. (Also, if I didn’t already think so, I’m absolutely certain that the events of this and Episode 4 connect to the ones of Episode 21, meaning that yes, the fucking sky is an eldritch horror in this timeline, and chances are Ex Altiora and the skydiver guy are harbingers of it. What does this even mean for tma’s world structure, holy shit.) Anyways, I think this theory also works because of Mike’s fate. I mean, he says “I am yours” (which is very similar to Edwin Burroughs saying “I am not for you, I am marked btw), and then throws himself out of a window. I feel like in the end he submitted himself to the forces chasing him after Ex Altiora ironically drew him in further. Said force might also be called “Vertigo” or “The Vast” based on what he says during his chants. (Also I don’t really have any theories as to how the bell tower was opened up just so you know.) As for Mike’s fate, well…I honestly don’t really know, although I think the lack of a body and his clear significance to the plot mean that he’s not…entirely dead. Maybe the Lichtenburg Figure is supposed to suggest that he’s inside Ex Altiora? Maybe…the sky ate him? I can’t quite tell yet, but I’m sure this isn’t the last I’ll hear of him, he just seems too significant (and just…way too cool) to write off here. Although…I do have one more theory about this episode, one that I’d like to proclaim my crack theory (as if my other ones already aren’t cracked). Oh boy here we go…

So I mentioned that there’s a lot of Micheals in this show, so much so that from what little I’ve seen it’s a meme in the fandom. I mean, it makes decent sense, Micheal is an extremely common name after all…but what if this goes deeper. What if every major Micheal in this podcast actually has direct connections to each other? So far we have three Micheals that seem to hold plot relevance (please, PLEASE let it stay that way.) They are Mike Crew, obviously, Gerard’s grandfather Micheal Keay, and the mysterious “Micheal” that Sasha meant, who is presumably the person that was pursuing Ivo Lensik’s father. Keep in mind the word PURSUING. Because…you remember how bony-hand Micheal appeared all weird and distorted in the window of Sasha’s apartment building. Well, it’s probably just my imagination, but…it reminds me a hell of a lot of the thing chasing Mike. On top of that, I originally doubted that bony-hand Micheal was the same person as Mike Crew due to the lack of a Lichtenburg Figure on his body (although Mike does actually seem to be capable of hiding it based on Herbert’s description of him, but said description is notably different from that of Sasha’s Micheal anyways), but I did throw out the possibility of him actually being Micheal Keay. This could also explain why he had all of those strange attributes, as Mary Keay seemingly learned how to live beyond the grave, yet she came with a number of visual differences from when she was, like, actually alive, so maybe something similar happened to her father. (and then maybe Gerard…please…please let my favorite MCR reject guy be alive…) So, here’s the basic premise of my theory. Micheal Keay found some sort of way to live after death, becoming the strange distorted Micheal that Sasha saw. This new form of Micheal Keay would form a connection to fractals, terrorizing Ivo Lensik’s father, and also a connection to the sky/vertigo/the vast/whatever you want to call it, and then start terrorizing Mike Crew. (I mean, the fractals give off the same vibes as the Lichtenburg Figure right? RIGHT?!) And then, and I know this is a huge reach but like I said, it’s a crack theory, Mike was absorbed by the being that was pursuing him. Micheal Keay is alive, and absorbing people, one of whom just happens to have his name. If Ivo’s dad was named Micheal Lensik I might just go insane. Now, do I expect this theory to be true. Oh god no! Like I said, this is absolute crack, but I think it would be very funny if every Micheal in this podcast is actually just the same person. There’s a lot of other mysteries surrounding these guys, and I’m sure I’ll be satisfied with whatever they pull off.

So that’s Episode 46. Overall this was a phenomenal episode, it’s absolutely my favorite of Season 2 so far and at the very least one of my favorites in the entire podcast so far. It’s given me so many things to think about and I’m really excited to see where they go with the plot surrounding Mike in the future. As for the supplemental, well…you know what, Brian David Gilbert- I mean Jon (yes I finally made that connection) has every right to be concerned about this one. It is admittedly a little bit unnerving that there’s another person exploring the tunnels, my best guess is it’s Not!Sasha because…well, she’s just suspicious by nature, but it could easily be Martin, Tim, and especially Elias as well. Or worse…whatever’s down there is trying to get out. There’s also the matter of the spiders which is…very interesting. Episode 32 already separated the spiders from The Flesh Hive, but I didn’t think they would go as far as to kill the remaining worms. In fact, I suspected they were in some form of collaboration, since Jon smashing that one spider lead to the infestation of worms, and the worms were present in Episode 16. But no, they’re actively killing the worms. Maybe as like…a punishment for failure or something? I really don’t know what the deal with the spiders is, but it’s certainly interesting. Anyways, great episode, can’t wait to see what comes next.

Oh, one last thing. I have this copy of Dracula in my house, and it really reminds me of Ex Altiora. Like this is what I imagine it looking like. (Also STOKER? As in TIM STOKER? Ok I’ll stop.)

- Episode 47, The New Door 🚪

Statement of Helen Richardson, regarding a new door in the house she was selling. Statement taken direct from subject.

What what what what what what what what what what what what what in the everlasting FUCK?! I don’t…what do you MEAN? RIGHT AFTER MY FUCKING MICHEAL CRACKPOT THEORY YOU GIVE ME THIS?! I CAN’T…WHAT…THERE’S SO MUCH GOING ON I LITERALLY CANNOT HANDLE THIS UAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH. Ok…calm down calm down calm down calm down just CALM. THE FUCK. DOWN. You can do this. You are a TUMBLR. ENBY. You can coherently summarize this episode. Right? …right? Oh no….

Ok so…let’s just start from the top with the things that are easy to summarize. Firstly, this is a statement recorded live from subject, so we obviously need to talk about Helen Richardson. Oh god….what a poor soul. I REALLY feel for her, compared to every other statement giver, at least the ones who gave their statements live, she was absolutely the most distraught by her experiences. Her VA did a fantastic job portraying her fright, I liked how she was frantically drawing a map at the beginning, and overall it’s just really not hard to feel for her, especially given her…fate, but we’ll get to that later. It was also extremely gratifying to finally have an instance where Jon fully believes the person he’s talking to, he was decent with Lionel and Basira, as well as his coworkers, but after his interactions with Naomi and Melanie, seeing him fully believe Helen was honestly really nice, just shows how much he’s developed since most of Season 1…although it has come with him being extremely traumatized and erratic but hey! It’s still cool that he was genuinely trying to help Helen out, because if this was Season 1 he would have not believed her. Anyways, what about her actual statement? Well…that’s absolutely terrifying. Like, I am never going to be able to look at doors the same way ever again, am I? This is already a terrifying experience on its own, but the fact that Helen is an ESTATE AGENT of all things makes this so much worse, like you could just tell that this was her personal hell. And then we have the backrooms themselves which-yeah I’m going to call the corridors the backrooms until further notice because god damnit sometimes you just need to be annoying. Anyways, everything about that place(?) makes me uncomfortable. Firstly, the opening of the door reminded me a little bit of the coffin from Episode 2, and the corridors especially reminded me of Episode 30 with the slaughter house. But outside of those interesting yet admittedly tangential connections, there’s so many terrifying aspects of the backrooms that are just so extremely terrifying in their own right. The way the door just shows up out of nowhere and lures you in, the way Helen’s face looked like it had been crying for hours when she looked in the mirror, the repeated paintings, the temperatures that don’t make sense, Micheal just…lurking there waiting to kill her, how she ended up somewhere entirely new when she finally “escaped”, and of course, the fact that it functions like a Cthulhu city with how it just DOESN’T. MAKE. SENSE. That seems to be the main theme here, just…everything not adding up, confusing people, nearly making them go insane, that is the nature of these corridors, and Micheal himself. And you know what, I think it’s about time we talk about the end of the episode. While the statement is fantastically written and viscerally terrifying, it is overall very short, and I’d say the true meat of the episode comes from the ending. Because Oh. My. God. I have some thoughts.

I’m just going to start off by saying that the drawn-out door noises that played when Helen left initially just came as a “haha funny trauma noise” moment from Rusty Quill, and nothing more. …Oh how naive I once was. Anyways, before I talk about tall blonde and Handsome, I guess I should address the glorious(?) return of Not!Sasha! …Oh no. I don’t know if it’s more or less unnerving that she’s actually speaking like a somewhat normal person now. That…that is very very bad. But she still sounds so noticeably different from the real Sasha, so much colder…I…I really do not like her! The way that she avoids re-recording Sasha’s statement because she doesn’t remember the whole thing, and the funky audio distortion that plays in the room it’s…no! No no no no no! Well at least someone seems to know what’s really going on, and that is of course, the man who speaks in hands (woah reference), Micheal…something! Apparently there’s no such thing as a real name so I’m going to assume he just doesn’t have a last name for the time being. Anyways, ever since Episode 26, this guy…thing…door has been haunting me for ages. He’s never quite at the center of my mind, that honor goes to people like the worm wife, god damn fool book-collecting dust-eating rat old bastard shithead idiot avatar of the whore, my goth son, and Jon and Martin but only if they are holding hands. But still, the way he was so enigmatic with his motivations, where he stood morality wise, his generally creepy vibe that makes me imagine him as a guy that’s always smiling, his big-ass hands, and the sense that he was so above everything and everyone in this entire story, it always kept me terrified and intrigued. And now that we’ve finally met him…yeah, he absolutely lived up to the hype. I’m sorry Jane, but I think I’ve found a new obsession. I want this thing and his gender carnally. His VA does such a phenomenal job, like I know it’s somewhat filtered but still, the tone and especially the laugh, like HOLY SHIT that is a creepy laugh, it’s all fantastic. And I mean, yeah, it still feels like he’s so above everything else, like everything connects back to him, but also like he’s so vastly beyond everything that it doesn’t connect at all. All of his dialogue is so confusing but also interesting and…well, I guess I should discuss his dialogue, because there is actually quite a lot to unpack from a good amount of his sentences.

So, when Micheal first shows up, the strange pitch that started playing when Not!Sasha entered the room changes, suggesting that Micheal and Not!Sasha are either very different from one another, or very similar. (Also, I’m assuming that the pitch playing when Not!Sasha was around is a different one from Micheal’s, because it sounds really similar to the sound that played when Sasha came across the table in artifact storage.) Either way, his first line “Do you even know they’re lying to you” seems to confirm that Micheal knows the truth about what happened to Sasha, showing how powerful he really is. Now granted, when you consider his naturally maddening personality I doubt he’s going to reveal the truth anytime soon, but it’s worth keeping in mind. (Especially since it’s implied that Elias knows what’s going on, or at least has a hunch so….hm….) Going forward, Micheal refuses to elaborate on how he got in, like the silly king he is, and then says his name is "a real name." This is interesting, as he later contradicts this by saying there's no such thing as a real name. Obviously that last quote ties into themes of inhumanity and lack of identity that seem to follow him, but I'm just going to assume the contradictions are a result of him just, once again, not making sense. I'm sure there's a deeper meaning, I just don't quite know what said deeper meaning is yet. Also I love how when Micheal said he wasn't going to kill Jon, Jon was like "oh :/". Just like...end his suffering I guess. That seems to be another prevalent theme with Micheal. He's not exactly...good, but he's also not really a major antagonistic force...yet, at least. Regardless, it's next that we learn why he's here and...oh...oh no. That's genuinely really off-putting. So yeah, Helen got trapped in the backrooms AGAIN, right after she gave her statement. I...I don't think her chances are all that good if I'm being honest. Damn. DAMN. Also, the part where Jon realizes that the door she left from was never there...that was absolutely chilling. (Although isn't it like...a yellow door? Wouldn't Jon have noticed that? Unless the doors in the archives are already yellow?) But like, imagine if this was a common occurrence. Like, what if Jon just read, I don't know, Jason North's statement from Episode 37, and then immediately got set on fire? Because that's what this feels like. Interestingly, when Jon questions if Micheal is the owner of the backrooms, he responds with "does your hand, in any way, own your stomach?" This seems to suggest that Micheal and the backrooms are one and the same which is...not confusing and terrifying at all! I'll take a bit more about what I think Micheal even is in a second but for now just keep in mind that this information is...very concerning. Also "let her go!" followed by "no :)" was kind of funny. After all that, Micheal...stabs Jon? I mean, that's absolutely not a good thing, but it didn't seem that major or painful all things considered. I'm just going to assume he used his big-ass knife hands to stab Jon in an ultimately non-vital place, because that's what the audio seems to suggest. Now, I'll touch a bit more on Micheal's comments about his own identity in a second, but for now, the last things he says correspond with his motivations. Apparently he helped Sasha learn about The Flesh Hive because he did not want the institute to disappear too early, as it would have "unbalanced the struggle." Jon believes that this implies the existence of a war, and given how I've been speculating that all of the horrors and their servants are at each other's throats...I have to agree. It also suggests that Micheal is a lot more aware of how things are going to pan out in the future than Jon, which is...interesting. Anyways, he then mysteriously vanishes, and Jon ends the recording. It's so serious that we don't even get a supplemental. So with all of this in mind...what are my overall thoughts on Micheal?

Let's just run through everything we know. Micheal is a weird tall blonde guy who has an uncanny laugh and massive hands. He is connected to some sort of maddening pocket dimension that is accessed through a teleporting yellow door. He lured Helen Richardson into there twice, and she is still stuck there. He also probably got rid of Ms. Richardson's actual clients, and he's implied to have some sort of connection to fractals (which admittedly to line up with how maddening he is), meaning there's a good likelihood he was the being chasing down Ivo Lensik's father, and he maybe had some sort of encounter with Jane given how she also mentions fractals. He seems to be antagonistic and has bad intentions, but wants the archival team to stay alive since he views them as important, and believes the loss of the institute would "unbalance the struggle" implying the existence of a war. (my theories are being validated kind of!) Despite this he chooses to stab Jon anyways, and his whole character seems to be built around insanity, doubt of one’s own mind, and contradictions. So…who or what do I think he is? Well, I think our best hints come from the one major piece of dialogue from him I neglected to mention. That being when he calls himself a “what” instead of a “who”, saying that a “who” represents a level of identity he “can’t ever retain”, and how he isn’t used to talking about himself. This all suggests that Micheal is obviously not human, but also can’t function under the human understanding of identity. However, he also says that his identity is something he can’t “retain” rather than “obtain”. This suggests that he might have actually been something more human than what he is now in the past. And…funnily enough, this kind of lines up with the theory about Micheal Keay and Mike Crew I just made. (And, yes, hearing him in this episode immediately after writing that down was indeed very exciting.) I mean, in the slim chance that theory is correct, then..yeah, a guy who lived beyond his natural lifespan and then absorbed another guy, possibly even more people, would not really be all that human. They’d have multiple identities conflicting with each other. But granted, this theory is pretty cracked in my opinion, so maybe something more logical would be…something like the anatomy students! They also kind of had this lack of identity and weird way of speaking, so it could line up very well. Also, they contorted their bones at one point (which is admittedly more similar to The Boneturner’s Tale but still), and you know how they were all functioning under the basic bitch names of different cultures? Well…Micheal is one of the most common names in the west so, who knows? And this might connect back to Not!Sasha! After all, I’ve already made comparisons between her and the anatomy students, and Micheal is aware of her true identity, and he plays a different yet still pretty similar pitch to her when he’s in the room, and the hypnotic pattern on the table might be similar to FRACTALS? Look…I’m basically saying that Micheal is an enigma, and there are a lot of opportunities for what he could be. But what I do know…is that this thing is so far above everyone else like holy shit. He just…I don’t know what it is, I feel like he’s basically god. Everything connects back to Micheal, but it also doesn’t because he couldn’t care less about all this shit. It feels like almost everything has at the very least a small connection to him. I don’t know why I think this it’s JUST. THE. VIBE.

Wow. That was certainly quite the episode. While the statement itself was very short, and while I am confused out of my goddamned mind, this was another phenomenal episode. It should be a crime to put this right after Literary Heights, I’m just saying. It had a really well-written main character, a terrifying scenario, dozens upon dozens of implications, and…Micheal. Just Micheal. There is probably so much that I didn’t even touch on here, but that’s just because my brain is so scrambled trying to figure this all out! Which you know, given the themes of the episode, I feel like that’s by design, and I’m ok with that. I’m very excited to see…whenever and however this all pans out, but for now, I’m going to take a three day-nap. Honk shoo mimimi or whatever the kids say.

I said “Micheal” like…26 times in this section alone…Fuuuuuuuccckkk. Am I really about to ditch the worm wife for the hallway husband? (Update: No, but that’s only because I realized I have two hands.)

- Episode 48, Lost in the Crowd 🧳

Statement of Andrea Nunis, regarding a series of encounters in the streets of Genoa, Italy.

Ok, so thankfully after Micheal’s Marvelous Maze of Madness ft. Micheal, this episode was a bit of a more standard affair, and a lot easier to digest and process. That being said, this one kind of fucked me up! Generally I’m a pretty introverted person, so I’ve found it kind of interesting how the couple of statements where the idea is “character who likes being alone gets karma” are some of the scariest for me personally. Also, I will mention that while there is a common theme between this and Episode 13, I don’t necessarily think they’re connected for a couple of reasons. Firstly is the lack of any tangible signs of The Lukas Family, and secondly is the fact that Naomi’s experience manifested in the form of a wide open field with nearly nothing in it, while Andrea’s was in the form of a crushing crowd. Granted there was a gray sky in the alleyway she went into, which could connect to Naomi’s fog but…eh, I’m not too sure. I personally think the one thing that connects this statement to the rest of the series is Gerard’s presence, which I’ll get to later, but still, those similar themes of one’s own introverted tendencies being turned against them felt worth mentioning. But outside of that recurring theme calling me out a second time, there were quite a few other things that really spooked me. Ethan’s fate was genuinely pretty sad as he seemed like a nice guy, the mentions of heat popping up once again were unnerving as usual, and…the crowd itself. This…this genuinely had me curled up in a ball. I hear people say that you will inevitably find at least one tma episode that feels like it’s targeting you specifically, and while I can’t confirm if this is that episode for me, I…wouldn’t be surprised if it was by the time I’ve finished listening. I have a very bad relationship with crowds so…yeah, this one hit very close to home. The description was…so, so visceral. The blanked out faces, the garbage noise, the constant shoving…I think it put how I subconsciously view crowds into words perfectly, and…yeah, I don’t really have that much more to say about the statement other than it was sad and terrifying for me. Needless to say I don’t think I have any desire to go traveling any time soon lmao. But hey, that all just means it’s doing a damn good job as an episode of a horror podcast!

But outside of the core story, we obviously have the very intriguing return of who is presumably…MY GOTH SON HELL YEAH! GERARD KEAY NATION LET’S FUCKING GO!!! Honestly, considering that he has to live a life of fighting the horrors (and maybe…spreading them…), and also seems to have a fucked up family history, I genuinely hope that he was just on vacation here, whether he’s good or bad or morally gray, I think he deserves a break. Anyways his appearance here is certainly pretty intriguing. Not only is this the first statement he appears in that seems to be completely unrelated to any Leitners, but he also mentions that Andrea had been “marked”. Marked by…what exactly? If I had to guess, I would assume that it would be the entity possessing Hill Top Road. When it fully took over Edwin Burroughs, he said “I am marked”, and on top of that, it also has connections to heat and distorting the world around people until they snap back to reality, both of which are things that Andrea experiences. Honestly, this being seems to pop up all over the place, as it seemingly has some level of ties to The Cult of Asag and maybe even Micheal (though that’s probably just the brain rot talking), and while it definitely seems to be at its strongest on Hill Top Road, it’s implied that it possessed the girl who Edwin Burroughs attempted to perform and exorcism on, so I think it can still appear in other places. Thankfully Andrea seems to have been able to fend it off by thinking of her mother, but that just makes me more intrigued as to how Gerard knew that would help fend off some sort of eldritch heat god. On top of that, this is like…the one statement so far where he shows up and doesn’t do anything that is potentially morally questionable, outside of Pageturner in retrospect I guess, so…yeah, even though this episode was a lot more easy-going than the last one, it’s still given me a lot more to think about. Gerard’s presence and actions, whatever marked Andrea and caused all the bad stuff to happen…it is certainly all very intriguing. Overall, while this isn’t an all time favorite episode for me or anything, I still thought it was a very good one and…genuinely really unsettling for me personally. I’m glad we got to see another look at Gerard and, yeah, there’s not much more to say, just another good episode. Well…there’s not much more to say outside of the supplemental at least.

Oh god fucking damnit Jon. He has clearly not heeded my advice to lie down because what the fuuucckkk. I understand if he’s a little bit shaken after the encounter with Micheal, and obviously watching a real-estate agent basically die without you knowing would probably fuck you up but OH. GOD. Ok well, it’s at the very least a good thing that he finally realized that something’s up with “Sasha” but…did he really need the god of confusion or whatever he is to tell him that?! You are an ARCHIVIST. An ACADEMIC. YOU SHOULD BE BETTER THAN THIS!!! He’s all like “I didn’t suspect her because she’s handled the Prentiss attack better than anyone else”…AS IF THAT’S SOMEHOW NOT CONCERNING?! IF I WAS HIM, I WOULD BE EXTREMELY CREEPED OUT IF SOMONE WAS JUST…CONTINUING AS NORMAL AFTER ALL OF THAT! God, what an absolute dumbass. His density knows no bounds. I love him dearly. Still though…it’s a good thing he caught on at least. And then we have his conversation with Elias, and yeah, that doesn’t do him any favors! Don’t get me wrong, the entire scene is absolutely hilarious, I love how he questions if Dr. Elliott or Micheal were filing complaints, how he chocks up being a fucking stalker to being “worried about Tim and Martin’s mental health” (oh god Martin’s crush is going to end up being so fucked I can already tell), and I love to envision him just standing outside Tim’s house with binoculars in a very easy-to-see location. But..wow! You know, when I said it would be nice to see him grow out of being a skeptic, I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THIS! And then he finishes the supplemental by saying he’s most suspicious of Elias which like…yeah, me too, but I don’t think it’s for the same reasons! If anything, this is the least suspicious Elias has ever been, honestly hai requests of Jon seem pretty reasonable. Well…at least Jon knows who to be the most suspicious of now…I guess. Someone please just knock him out with a frying pan, he really needs it (affectionately)….

- Episode 49, The Butcher’s Window 💪

Statement of Gregory Pryor, regarding his investigations into one Hector Lorado during the summer of 2007.

I’m going to start off by saying that for some reason, on the YouTube upload, the little title card didn’t fully load for this episode. What was up with that? Is “butcher” or “window” some sort of British swear I’m unaware of? Well, regardless….EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW!!!! Yet another episode that makes me feel really uneasy like…wow! I expected some body horror or meat related stuff given the title, but…I did NOT think it was going to go like…that. But outside of my sheer terror, this was another really great episode! It was terrifying, but it also built on some things that I…honestly kind of forgot about, helped fill in some gaps, and also came with some very fun reveals at the end. (oh my god I can’t wait to talk about that) As per usual I’ll start off with just some fun and interesting things about the episode that are easy to talk about. Firstly, I actually really liked Gregory Pryor as a protagonist here. I’ve always kind of had a fondness for the statement givers that are just…honestly pretty big dicks, as I think it adds a good level of realism to the world and helps to shake things up. Honestly the whole vibe of the statement was so gloriously shitty, I just got the sense that no one involved with what happened was particularly likable. I also was a little bit curious about the presence of the Ukrainian mafia here, initially I thought the guys who were bargaining with Hector were supposed to be Breekon and Hope but I think that was just me going insane. If I had to make one minor complaint about this episode, it’s that I felt like it took a while to get into the weird horror aspects. I mean, most episodes don’t get into the real meat until later on, but they usually add intrigue with just…little oddities here and there. For example, Episode 46 doesn’t get truly freaky until later on, but the mentions of the weird smells and lightbulbs whenever Mike entered the room helped in making me feel uneasy, while this episode doesn’t really have much of that. But this is overall a very small and meaningless complaint, because when we do get into the actual horror…oh my god. I have some things to say.

So…yikes. Before we discuss the return of the big beefy bully boy, I’ll just talk a little bit about how FUCKING GRUESOME this part is. Like…I was very disturbed. Gregory hiding in the locker, Hector turning out to be alive, all of the shit that Jared did, the teeth hole underneath the floorboards, the discarded clothes and the body of the original owner that was later found, the general atmosphere of a morgue inside a butcher’s shop, the fact this went on for four fucking hours, and Gregory’s escape attempt which led to…the arm. I initially thought it got chopped off, which would have been terrible already, but then…then we learn that Jared FUCKING RIPPED THE BONE OUT THE SOCKET AND EW EW EW. All of this was tense and horrible and I absolutely loved it. Happy that Gregory got a prosthetic though, even if I just said he was kind of a dick. But anyways uh…Jared Hopworth is back! Honestly I kind of forgot about him, but it is really cool to see that he’s a more prominent recurring antagonist, given that his whereabouts were kind of a loose end at the end of Episode 17. And…I mean, I do not know how to feel about where he’s been. On one hand it’s..good for him(?) that he was able to capitalize his abilities (especially alongside the fucking mafia of all people), but on the other hand, he’s clearly a terrifying meat bone monster thing that is no longer human and is dismembering people in order to morph himself even further. So…yeah, overall I’d say his return isn’t exactly a good thing. I mean, he could change the medical world with these abilities but instead he does this. What an ass! But in all seriousness, I’m absolutely terrified of this man. Just the knowledge that this…thing is STILL out there, still turning people’s bones, is…not exactly a pleasant thought. Like, obviously this is fiction, but I LIVE in England, I still feel like Hulk: Bone Edition could come at me and that’s not a good thing. It’s also interesting that Jared is not seen using The Boneturner’s Tale to…you know, turn bones anymore. I’ve seen someone suggest that maybe he also put the book inside his body, which could definitely be the case, but Mike Crew still seemed to have some sort of connection to Ex Altiora even before he found the book so…I just get the feeling that a single encounter with a Leitner is enough to give someone some weird abilities, although it does make me question where the time might be now…yikes. (Also, if he opened the book at one point, does that mean that Mike could also turn bones? Or did the book specifically choose Jared as if it’s sentient? Honestly I’m just starting to get the vibe that this old-ass bibliophile is responsible for every little bad thing that happens in this podcast.) One other thing about Jared is that now that I think about it, his weird shape is very similar to that of the anatomy students and Micheal. There very well might be some connections there, but I’ll just have to wait and see where they might go. What’s also very curious to me is that…interesting hole that Jared started throwing the bones into. For some reason, it kind of reminded me of that part in Episode 30, where David Laylow was nearly fed to a massive meat grinder. I only say this because Jon straight up says that this statement reminds him of other meat-centric ones, such as Episode 30, but also others like Episode 18, probably. In fact, I wonder if this butcher’s shop is where Toby Carlisle from Episode 18 was getting the meat, maybe he knew Jared. Now, I can’t say how all of these episodes connect perfectly, I just know that there’s a connection. What I do find interesting however is that this episode is home to both meat and bones and…that got me thinking about a theory I had on ✨the horrors✨.

When I wrote about Episode 35, I listed out what I thought the driving forces behind all things spooky in the timeline were, and I mentioned something associated with meat, and something associated with bones as two of them. However, given what we have here, I now think that these “two” are actually the same being. Rather than one being meat and the other being bones, I think there is one singular being with command over bodies in general, and that’s what has been witnessed in every episode with either concept involved so far. This revelation doesn’t really give much, as I still don’t know…what the hell this thing even is, but it has made me want to revisit my list of ✨the horrors✨ with a new coat of paint. So, here it is: Eldritch Gods 2.0!

- The Anglerfish (1, 28)

- Vertigo/The Vast (4, 21, 46)

- The Flesh Hive (6, 22, 26, 32, 36?, 39, 40, 45?)

- The Piper (7, 42?)

- Asag (8, 12, 19, 20, 37, 43, 48?)

- Devouring Darkness (9, 15, 25, 41)

- Eyes (12, 20, 23)

- Isolation (13, 33, 48?)

- Body Horror (14, 17, 18, 30, 35, 49)

- Spiders (16, 32, 38, 48)

- Whatever The Other Circus deals with (24, 44)

- Micheal :-) (8, 26, 47)

And then like…maybe one or two more if the passages Robert Smirke designed do indeed represent ✨the horrors✨. I also guess I should mention the remark I made about these things representing different fears, since I said that one of the reasons I scrapped that theory was because “bones” were just too specific. Now granted, I am not fully reviving this theory, as just because something is scary does not mean it represents fear (even though I still think fear is a core theme of the podcast(, but I will concede it makes the theory…slightly more plausible, but I’m still kind of on the fence about it. So um…yeah! That’s about it for the content of the statement! Overall another great one, a bit of a slow start but it more than made up for it with what happened later on! But of course, I can’t neglect to mention the follow-up and the supplemental because…oh my god this is absolute gold.

“Come on down to The Magnus Institute. We have Jonathan “Ex-theatre kid turned crazed conspiracy theorist” Sims, Martin “pines after his emotionally constipated boss that either hates him or suspects him of murder and steals tape recorders to write poetry” Blackwoood, Sasha “she is totally normal” James, Tim “bisexual icon otherwise known as Joe Spooky” Stoker, and Elias “smokes weed” Bouchard! Simply sell your soul to ✨the horrors✨ of academia, and start your work now!”

So…there’s certainly some interesting things to talk about here. There’s nothing about the statement that really sticks out, or that I haven’t already mentioned, but most of the interest comes from information on the institute staff. Firstly…hell yeah Tim you fucking get it. The man comes back from a horrific worm infestation and gets back to his hobbies of being silly and seducing cops for information. What an absolute legend, I wish he ran the institute, nay, the country. Also find it interesting that Basira has “refused to compromise her position any further”. Hopefully that just means that she doesn’t want to anything outside of sneaking in Gertrude’s tapes, as it would be a shame if those stopped coming in, given how interesting the first one was. It is very funny to me however that Jon says he doesn’t want to get involved in “personal drama”….when he is literally outside Tim’s house stalking him. Never change Jon. Actually please do change. Actually I don’t know. Also we have Not!Sasha, and while I can see why some might interpret her computer troubles as relating to the ones that force Jon to record statements on tape…I personally think she’s just really fucking weird. It also made me realize that doing I.T. in a place like this must seriously suck ass. (Oh god…imagine being in H.R. though…how would you manage the worms…HOW WOULD YOU MANAGE JON OH GOD.) So (almost, looking at you Not!Sasha) all of that is fine and dandy, but things get very interesting when we start to look at Jon’s investigations into Elias. Finally some substantial lore on this guy! (Sure, Jon should probably be looking into Not!Sasha but…he’s still suspicious as well so I won’t hold this one against him, even if his reasoning for suspicion from last episode is dumb as all hell.) So, we learn here that the institute was previously ran by a man named James Wright, who ran from 1973 to 1996. Not only does this mean that Episode 44 was recorded not too long after Elias took over, but it also means that…James Wright probably ran for an unusually short amount of time. I mean, I doubt you’d start running an institute like this in old age, and while he could’ve died in an accident or due to medical complications…I can’t just shake the feeling that he was murdered, despite the lack of information on him. Like, if Elias is being set up as antagonistic, which I feel like he is, then I could see him killing James just to gain his position. But on top of that lore, we learn that Elias joined in 1991, and worked in artifact storage, becoming head of the institute unusually quickly. But more importantly…HE CANONICALLY SMOKES WEED FUCK YEAH!!!! I don’t CARE if the implication is that he doesn’t do so anymore, I will forever believe that he still does it in secret because the amount of hilarious scenarios that could come from that are too good to pass up. But…yeah, this information on his past is weird. Like, you would not expect a stoner with a lackluster university degree to become the head of an eclectic academic institution so easily, let alone to have the personality of the Elias we see here. I saw someone suggest that maybe the real Elias was taken and replaced by one of the things that took and replaced Sasha, since he worked in artifact storage. I personally think it’s unlikely, since that event only transpired due to the table, which was only delivered to the institute fairly recently, but it’s a fun theory nonetheless, and it could explain why Elias seemingly knows that Not!Sasha isn’t who she says she is…and for some reason chooses not to tell Jon and the others. And hey, the table has definitely moved around before given it’s presence in Graham’s house, and maybe Hill Top Road, so it’s technically possible that it’s been to the institute before and was just temporarily moved to victimize someone. But as cool as this idea is, I have a bit of a different theory. It’s looser, but it makes more sense in my head.

You see, I think that Elias Bouchard has done some bad things and that he isn’t entirely moral, but I don’t think he has the worst intentions at heart. Based on all of the information, and the vibes he’s giving off, I think that he has likely witnessed the horrors first hand. This would explain his possible change in demeanor, perspective and personality after joining the institute, his supposed great knowledge on the paranormal, and why he was able to recognize Not!Sasha, without him being some horrific monster. I don’t think he was impersonated, but..he could’ve definitely seen something in artifact storage, or maybe even before then, as it would explain why he started work at the institute in the first place. And…I personally think he wants to avoid ✨the horrors✨as much as possible. He’s seen them first hand, and he wishes to keep them far away. This would explain a multitude of things. It would explain why he’s quite discouraging towards Jon’s attempts at investigation, why he was willing to sacrifice Jon and Martin to deadly C02 if it meant killing Jane, why he’s so quiet about details surrounding Gertrude. And mentioning Gertrude, if we assume that Elias did indeed kill her (which I still think is the most likely course of action, even with the potential of him being a red herring) then this potential worldview of his would explain why he would’ve killed her. Gertrude clearly knew quite a lot about ✨the horrors✨, much more than Jon at least, given how she talks about The Other Circus with such familiarity. And given how it seems that at least two cults have something against her, it’s safe to assume that she made an enemy of eldritch forces. So, Elias killed her out of fear for what she could’ve caused. And that’s why he’s trying to keep Jon calm (and desperately failing, might I add), as he does not wish to kill him as well. I know all of this is a huge claim to make but honestly…I could see it working out. I feel like Elias will end up being a very morally compromised character, one that has good yet potentially misguided intentions at heart, and had to do some terrible things to keep ✨the horrors✨ at bay. …I’ll just have to wait and see, I guess.

So yeah…that’s Episode 49. Another great episode as always, it definitely went some interesting places, and I’m very intrigued by the information on both Jared and Elias. Also, I hope that Tim’s polycule ends up successful (I’m just going to go on that assumption because it’s more fun.) I…once again don’t really know how to end this so uh…here’s a wacky link I found!

http://paypal.com/IFuckingHateJurgenLeitner

- Episode 50, Foundations 🏛️

Statement of Sampson Kempthorne, regarding the workhouse architecture of George Gilbert Scott.

And here we are! I’m now 25% of the way through The Magnus Archives, woohoo! So, did this episode conclude the first quarter of the series in a satisfying way? Well…I mean I guess yeah? Overall, I think the general concept of the episode makes it more than worthy, as having another statement given directly to the guy who founded the institute here does feel very totally fitting. But…I don’t know, it isn’t exactly a favorite for me. Not due to any particular flaws, as always it’s still very enjoyable and far from bad, but I guess I just don’t have that much to say about it, especially in comparison to some of the other episodes from this first quarter of the season. Regardless, there’s still definitely quite a few things worth talking about so uh…how about I get into that?

I’ll start off by saying that this episode does immediately get points for incorporating real-world history into it, which I’ve already said is something I really like in this podcast. As it turns out, Sampson Kempthorne, George Gilbert Scott, and Henry Roberts were all real people, along with the returning Robert Smirke, so it’s cool to see them get incorporated into the plot here. Although, I did find it funny how the case number was “8141206” as that error makes it seem as if the statement was given in 1814…and all of these guys would’ve been children at that point in time. This episode also thankfully gives a bit more information on Jonah Magnus, the founder of the institute. At this point in time he would’ve actually founded the place, unlike in Episode 23, and honestly, I think he would’ve had a lot in common with Jon. I mean, both of them probably talk like the haunted protagonists of Victorian gothic horror novels, and also need some rest, I can see some similarities there. I’ll touch a bit more on Jonah later, but for now I’ll just say that…yeah, those letters are a little…not all that heterosexual sounding. I mean, most old letters between two rich guys do feel kind of fruity by modern standards but…you get what I mean right? But as for the statement, well, I’ve got to say I love how we now have multiple instances of people leaving to New Zealand for the sake of escaping ✨the horrors✨ of England. I don’t know I just think that’s kind of funny. But when we get into the paranormal stuff that happens here…well, it’s pretty vague, but I think I can make some sense of what’s happening here. Obviously the person behind all of this is “The Governor”, someone with the ability to make buildings compress and kill people. My current assumption is that this “Governor” is indeed George Gilbert Scott. Both of them are…well firstly, they’re both really weird, but there’s some other things worth noting here as well. They both have some sort of interest in compressing architecture, we’re nearby the sites of The Governor’s actions, and on top of that, George’s plans were found in Sampson’s house after it started to close in on him. If they are not the same person, then they are at the very least strongly related and working together. However, the existence of The Governor does bring up some interesting ideas. You see, I initially assumed that the darkness worshipped by The People’s Church of The Divine Host was the same thing that appeared in Episode 15 and Episode 41, having the ability to morph rooms in order to trap and kill people. Now, that darkness could’ve still been there in those episodes but…honestly, aside from Sampson’s incident taking place at night, this darkness doesn’t really seem to be present here. This actually makes me think that the darkness and the compression are the results of two different eldritch horrors, and if we go back to the theory on what I think ✨the horrors✨ are, that brings us to a total of thirteen. Now, I still think that there’s actually fourteen eldritch beings at that the death number is meant to throw me off, as the passage that led to the central room in Episode 35 also had weird properties. In fact, that specific passage might actually be meant to represent the compressing horror. So, I still think I’m missing something here if my theory is in the right place, but I feel like I might have made a step in the right direction here. So, uh… Eldritch Gods 3.0!

- The Anglerfish (1, 28)

- Vertigo / The Vast (4, 21, 46)

- The Flesh Hive (6, 22, 26, 32, 36?, 39, 40, 45?)

- The Piper (7, 42?)

- Asag (8, 12, 19, 20, 37, 43, 48?)

- Darkness (9, 15?, 25, 41?)

- Eyes (12, 20, 23)

- Isolation (13, 33)

- Body Horror (14, 17, 18, 30, 35, 49)

- Compression (15, 41, 50)

- Spiders (16, 32, 38, 48)

- Whatever The Other Circus deals with (24, 44)

- Micheal :-) (8, 26, 47)

So there you go! This is my current list until further notice! One last thing I feel is worth mentioning is that Smirke suggests that George had a “patron”, but I have to wonder what that actually means. It could definitely mean The Governor, if he’s a different person, but if George is The Governor…then you could maybe take more a D&D Warlock approach to the term “patron”. Also, I fee I should address why I view ✨the horrors✨ as “eldritch”. Simply put, some spoiler-free content on tma I saw called it eldritch horror, so I’m just going on the assumption that’s what’s being dealt here. I only say this because there is still some good evidence for all of this to be the work of demons, or something along those lines, so I wanted to explain why I have this interpretation. Anyways uh…back to the statement! So, the other main thing of intrigue that came from this episode was of course the return of Robert Smirke, which also acts as our first look at him as a character. And…he’s pretty confusing to me. You see, with the way that he talks about George’s architecture, how he bashed it and says that Sampson was lucky to not have to work with him much longer, you’d assume he stands in opposition to whatever George / The Governor is doing. But then again, HE built the passages underneath the reform club, as well as the ones beneath the institute, so he’s not entirely resolved of making creepy architecture either. Now granted, I have suggested that you can serve one horror and be against others. For example, I believe Gerard serves whatever horror connects to eyes, but that he’s against Vertigo/The Vast and Asag given his actions. The problem however is that Smirke built the tunnels which I believe reflect ✨the horrors✨, so…that would mean he doesn’t really have a side in this conflict (which I assume to be the conflict Micheal talks about). Overall Smirke’s motivations and morality are very enigmatic at the moment. But what’s even more interesting here is that based on Sampson’s words, it seems that while the institute was founded in concept by this point, the actual building might not have been, since Jonah was working at Edinburgh Townhouse. This makes it possible that Jonah built the institute over the tunnels even though he had knowledge of Smirke’s strange designs. Which like, I get it, if you have an interest in the paranormal that’s fair enough of a move to make but…it just makes me worry about the purpose of the institute a lot more, and also makes me concerned for Jonah’s fate. I feel like an overarching theme of the story is that if you dig too deep, you’ find something you wish you hadn’t found, which makes me very fearful for the history of the institute, everyone currently working there…and myself, now that I think about it. (And if the institute has a stake in the “struggle” Micheal mentions…are they aligned with the compression horror?) Overall, while this episode isn’t an all-time favorite for me, it’s given me enough to think about going forward. The history of the institute, The Governor and the…odd themes of poverty abuse that follow him now that I think about it, and Smirke’s architecture are all very interesting topics that I would love to see get expanded further. While it’s not my favorite episode, I think it certainly works as a finale to the first quarter of the podcast.

Oh yeah, the supplemental. Uh….I mean, this one is fairly brief but that’s fine because it’s funny as fuck. Oh Tim…you have no idea do you? I mean, that’s not me saying that Jon reciprocates Martin’s feelings at the moment, because have you SEEN the man? What I am saying is that…Tim really is a bestie ignoring the plot isn’t he? Like, I love him, but he has NO idea where the romantic subplot is going. But outside of that, it’s nice to know Basira is still trying to give out the tapes, and it’s also good to see that Jon is finally in…some form of therapy. Hooray for marginal improvement!

Well, that’s a wrap on the first quarter of season two, as well as the first quarter of the entire podcast! In conclusion, season two has been absolutely fantastic so far. So many great episodes like Grifter’s Bone, Tightrope, Literary Heights and The New Door have already blown me away, and it makes me even more excited to see what the rest of the season will dish out. The supplementals are a great way to advance the plot, and the directions all of the characters and storylines are taking are extremely satisfying and/or interesting. Looking back it’s…kind of insane that I’ve gotten this into the podcast. I initially started listening because I wanted to write my own horror, and thought something to have in the background for inspiration would be nice. But then I listened to the first two episodes while doing mundane busywork in a class and…it absolutely hooked me. And here I am, writing ass-long posts about them. I still intend to write my own works in the future someday, and I’m working on it as we speak, but I’ve just got to say it’s been such a delight getting deep into this, and everyone who worked on this podcast has my highest respect. And as always, thank you for reading of you’ve made it this far, I consider you an absolutely legend of perseverance if you’re able to listen to someone ramble for this long. In conclusion, Jon needs a nap, Martin needs a happy relationship, Tim needs all of the riches in the world, Not!Sasha needs to die, Elias needs to explain himself, Gertrude needs to explain herself, Basira needs to be careful, Helen needs to GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE, and Micheal needs to get in my life right now. See you next time :).

12 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

sodorinfection

Sodor Infection AU

blvey

bluey !!

u-dont-know-about-me

You took a Polaroid of us

dakhatolobster

Wea cosmica

thelemoncollection

Untitled