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#and it's pissing me off these days bc i feel like i dont even matter to them; im just some person they can talk to about themselves

syxoki · 3 months

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blade angst bc its the only thing who is on my mind rn

Warnings : harsh blade,suicide (sayori reader lolilol), reader is clumsy and very sensitive, reader is kinda depressed, bad english, blade is called ren by reader

"Get the fuck out of here."

Blade said coldly, his red eyes piercing your shaky form.

Blade was working on some paperworks for days now, but when you bringed him some snack to eat, you accidentally slipped on nothing, Spilling everything on his hard work.

"r-ren please listen im so-"

"Are you fucking dumb? You and your clumsy ass always fuck up Everything. So get the fuck out."

"pl-please i can try to make it up im sorry-"

He suddenly grip your wrist tighly, glaring at you so harshly.

You dont Recognize him.

"Get. The. Fuck. Out. sometimes i swear i wish i never met you."

And there is it.

You break completely, going to the door with trembling hands and weak sniffles.

It inst the frist time that someone tell you that.

So many times, people leaved you, because you were so attached to them, or overly sensitive. And they all said the same sentences.

"Youre annoying."

"why are you so clingy? Its piss me off."

"Shut up."

And maybe its better for everyone if you disappear, right?

Even for blade.

He doesnt need you, he deserve so much better. He wont even remember you. Right?

Right?

and here he is, starring at your lifeless body, eyes blank and bloody fingers, a rope as a necklace. (yes this is a ddlc reference 😔)

Why.

Why did he act like this?

Why did he have to be so harsh?

Why did he have to ruin your life like that?

He loved you. So why? Why is he like that?

he just want to go back. He just want to hug you and kiss you and make you feel better..

But he cant.

Its too late.

*:..｡♡*ﾟ¨ﾟﾟ･*:..｡♡*ﾟ¨ﾟﾟ･*:..｡♡*ﾟ¨ﾟ

please, if you have this kind of toughs, talk about it, It doesn't matter if it's a trusted person or a professional, talk about it. It's never too late, and suicide is not the right solution. You are not alone 🫶🏼

#Spotify #hsr blade #hsr #hsr angst #blade angst #honkai star rail #Blade #yingxing #hoyoverse #angst

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noxiatoxia · 10 months

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i need you guys to know that i am really sick right now and have been bed ridden for days. and my evil evil evil friend the other day, WHILE i am sick and overwhelmed already from being so sick, drops the bombshell of "have you realized if you flip episode 21 backwards it's 12..... like midnight.....like cinderella" i actually got so fucking upseti was sick and tired and stressed and then i read that i had to take a fucking xanax to calm the fuck down i couldn't handle it. i hate it here. 12. eyah, sure, episode 21, backwards is 12. sure! ok! was this intentional ? does not even matter. it is like when somebody does the thing that is racist or perhaps sexcist and it is like, well i understand you meant nothing no harm by it beut it was still bad regardless of intentions that is what this is like, even if they did not intend for the 21 to dlip to 12 and be midnight the damnage is done. honestly good allegory for the allegory itself this awhole thing was unintnetional damafe done to ME specifically. like. guys put yourself in my shoes rigth now. i am up at 4:00am i want to sleep but i have to wait 30 more minutes so i can take my meds i am on a schedule so i wont be sick anymore and instead of speanding this time watching youtube or playing video games or doing smth productive you know what, i am thinking about the carriage allegoryand about how 21 backwards is 12. 12. like midnight.....like was that intentional dude.....like the writers, they are generally clever sometimes so like i could vision it being intentional at least a little bit like SOMEbody on the staff knew what was up. i mean it will never be confirmed though it is all speculation whcih is the worst part about all of this, like the lallegory itself i get no fucking closure it is all just guesswork and shambles. and now i am #jonker mode over hwat? pumpkin anime? the only pumpkin kaoru should be doin is pumpin ' his kin ok ok........ stop with the gay cinderella shit nobody cares. see this is why i cant handle the idea of ouran season 2 or a reboot bc, it is bad either way. 1) they bring back the carriage i m done for 2) if they do nt i will be pissed off because i want it resolved so then they are just ignoring it 3) even if they bring it back and do it well i will still be traumatized like this wont ifix anything the damahes had been dealt and i ahve to live with it forever. so for my sake i hope they never remake ouran i deserve some peace and fucking rest ok at least hold out like......3 more years or something like maybe the grief will have dulled by that time. so a remake/reboot/season 2 wont be so traumatizing to me it will be like "oh, ok" you know. i feel like i had a comparison but i lost it. i dont wantch much anime tob e quite honest. can you tell im trying to kill time waiting for 30 minutes to pass it has only been 7. fuck episode 21. fuck the fact it is a 12 when flipped. fuck mifnight, the time. fuuuuuck episode 21. why coulnt it be 22 to avoid this. episod e 21 should be the name of an std

#carriagecore #cant wait to wake up and see this post on my dash nd thing woow i was really tired hihuh #idc about the spelling mistakes im too lazy #;noxiatalksia #ohshc

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hexitca · 4 months

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Rant about Puritan fandom culture!

Well I typed it on twitter but then I had more to say so tumblr it is!

Under read more

WARNING: Long as fuck

Here's some pics

I know I basically said the author of Heartstopper "brought it on themselves" but yea they kinda did.

You can disagree with BL/Yaoi you can hate the shipping discourse or shipping in fandom in general but you cant frame it in a "i hate [that] bc it's sinful/fetishistic and I'M ABOVE THAT BC I'M WHOLESOME AND BETTER THAN THOSE DISGUSTING SHIPPERS"

bc that's gonna bite you in the ass...as it is doing now. The fucking image of their character's google history is so tame and normal, esp in LGBTQ+ spaces! Yet they are being called a pedo? Crazy. In the end, you only hurt yourself!

I never bothered with HS bc i just wasnt interested in it but thats just my preference. It's sad to see ppl, esp young ppl, turn on a series of LGBTQ+ representation just bc of the author's past (or current? idk) stance on the BL/Yaoi or MLM or whatever genre just bc their stance wavered a bit in a simple comic image. Something that is so fucking normal also! but they will grow up and realized how limiting it is to restrict themselves just to appear pure within a group.

Yet the artists/writers/creators are traumatized by the witchhunt. I know I said the author brought it on themselves for supporting anti but damn I don't want them being accused of being a pedo! Or ANYTHING! NO ONE DESERVES THAT. I dont know anything about the author other than surface knowledge but at the end of the day, all this online shit, doesnt matter. It doesnt! Me saying that is ironic bc im typing this post up right now!

but it's something we care about! I care about fandom spaces, I care that creators are getting attack for something as mild as this even if they invited these ppl into their circle. We're human and we change our views a million times a fucking day. I could agree with one thing and disagree with it another. That's why anti discourse pisses me the hell off! It's just a bunch of bullies looking to make themselves feel better by shaming others! I don't respect that type of behavior. And I hate that they just run around saying shit like "kys" over a two characters fucking?!? It amazes me beyond words.

Fandom has never been without its discourse. But the puritan bullshit is not even fandom discourse, it's just straight up bullying and harassment. It doesnt take much to tailor your fandom spaces to your preferences, i should know ive been in fandom spaces since I was fucking 13 years old. I didn't explore nsfw/porn/anything until I wanted to when I was 18. That is MY personal experience. I never put that on anyone else BUT MYSELF. If I saw nsfw and didnt want to see it I blocked the person. Not make a fucking witch hunt out of it. You are in charge of keeping YOURSELF in check not some person who shared nsfw art/fanfic. How fucking hard is it to turn the "don't show me nsfw" toggle on??? Bc it's not about that. Y'all just wanna be mad and be above someone so why not ppl minding their own business.

And guess what? There ARE ppl who are bad and support nsfw art/writing. They fucking suck. They are outliers and deserve to be called out when they get exposed. But many times, ppl always go "see i told you all the ppl in THAT fandom were pedos/freaks/etc" hmmm sounds like when conservatives go "see...that queer person turned out to be bad, SO all queer ppl are bad" DO YOU GET IT?? It never works out with that line of thinking. You are harming innocent ppl minding their own business. You are harming yourselves when you grow the fuck up and realize that "OH actually...I am curious about sex" and have ppl who you thought were your friends eat your face. PLS wake the fuck up.

If you're an anti:

I hope you recover from that

go fuck yourself

if you're offended by me saying "go fuck yourself", pls take that as a sign to log off the internet and go touch grass. As someone who has done that many of times, it's very refreshing.

#fandom #fandom culture #fandom discourse #purity culture #i might go touch some grass for the rest of the week/weekend holy shit #this is why i try not to be on twitter a lot bc tumblr im at least in my own spaces with minor breaches of stupidity #twitter it just throws it in on my tl and i get fucking triggered and angry #ill be taking a long break from twitter holy shit

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tiredstressedemotionalmess · 8 months

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hibking so much about them while i memorize the lyrics to northern downpour <33 do you have any funpoison thoughts for me i love to Think

*glances at my laptop where the current draft of ttid 31 sits open* hm yeahhhh i could maybe probably think of some funpoison thoughts I GUESS its not like ive been. thinking abt Only Them all day or anything.. yeah...

anyways! northern downpour as a funpoison song is fucking CRAZY dude bc like. that song more than anything just sounds like longing to me like its also hellooo tripping eyes and flooded lungs MORE FUEL FOR MY DROWNING FUN GHOUL FIRE!!! but its like. they just feel like the type of couple who no matter how much they actually love each other, always kind of exist in this perpetual state of broken up because there's these certain barriers theyve both put up that they REFUSE to let the other get past. and i think part of that comes from the fact that they each hold the other up on such a high pedestal. like in ttid i think i make it really clear from ghouls pov especially- he hates party because he thinks theyre perfect. they get everything they want, can do anything they want, they live and fight and breathe in a way thats impossible to ignore and the universe always seems to reward them just for existing and what pisses ghoul off the most if that he cant even say they dont deserve it. because he knows they help people. he knows theyre one of the biggest threats against bli. he knows theyre fucking dangerous and so even when hes looking at them like theyre every star in the sky, theyre gonna feel just as out of reach just as unattainable.

and of course it doesnt help that party looks at ghoul the same way. because its fun ghoul, how could they not look at someone so smart and desert wild and fearless without feeling like they pale in comparison with what little they have to offer. partys whole thing is that they protect the ones they love, but what is there to protect ghoul from that he has t already started down and spit in the face of? what is there to keep ghoul safe from other than themself? they wanna be with ghoul so fucking bad it makes them sick to think about. but hes already been so hurt by everyone and everything else in this goddamn desert, he doesnt deserve to be hurt by them too.

and so even when theyre with each other theres this disconnect because neither one can bring themself to give everything they want (everything they are) to the other, which in turn makes them feel like other other is even further away making them wanna put up more walls and more distance and they hide behind flirty banter and late nights playing games of chicken- will they wont they will they- until they fall asleep holding each other yet always seem to somehow wake up alone. my one and lonely

#asks #uhhh this turned into a lot but now im having More Thoughts SO IM GONNA GO WRITE NOW!!!#thank you kaz for making me love northern downpour EVEN MORE. didnt think it was possible but now i just KNOW im gonna cry the next time i #hear it #god i need to learn her on guitar so bad its not even funny #danger days #funpoison #party poison #fun ghoul

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anachronistic-falsehood · 8 months

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i dont know any qsmp ships so give me ur favorite one of those and also.... davekat <3

GRABBING U BY THE SHIRT AND LOOKING U DEAD IN THE EYE. DO U WANNA HEAR ABOUT CELLBIT/PACTW??? CELLTW MY BELOVED!!! they’re fucking insane to me. imagine u get arrested with ur best friend after a robbery. right. u meet some guy in prison who protects you from the other inmates. he licks his lips a lot and its really creepy but also he's hot. he gives you a man's bloody ear as a subtle threat. you repeatedly betray him while trying to break out of prison. you watch him kill another guy who was helping you escape. at some point he eats your leg and it's awful and traumatizing. you and him and your friend escape. you leave this dude for dead on a deserted island. you hope to never see him again because HE ATE YOUR FUCKING LEG. you eventually end up on the same server as him and you're forced to adopt a child together. he seems different?? he's not killing people anymore. you're still deathly afraid of him. on your second day on the server, you and him make out in a cave. a few weeks later he gets married to SOMEONE ELSE. you still think he's hot but you panic every time something happens that might piss him off, and also you've adopted his habit of licking your lips when you're nervous. like what the FUCK is happening man!!! they just need to have some weird freaky gay cannibal sex. it won't solve their problems but i think they should give it a shot anyway!!!! there is not a single square in this chart that genuinely describes how i feel about them

DAVEKAT. i don't even need 2 explain it 2 u. you KNOW. you know davekat. they're so <3< but also <> and they desperately need therapy. sometimes they're <3 but there's always like that underlying <3< no matter what bc they're both so fucking infuriating to each other and it's hilarious. actual looney toons characters here. i want them to hit each other with giant squeaky cartoon hammers <3

#whiskey yelling into the void #friend tag :3 #celltw is literally the most fucked up thing ever i need to write something unhinged and deranged about them #and davekat the sillies!!!! oh my god. the guys ever #two traumatized guys trying 2 make it in the world..... they are the <3</<> couple ever to me i think they're neat

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suenitos · 9 months

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your love post about dream just reminded me of something he said during a space. i can’t remember the exact words but it was something along the lines of understanding where his antis are coming from when they hate him for whatever he says or does bc you’re a different person in the perspectives of other people. and i remember being stumped when he said that cause that’s such a mature mindset to have? i love how he tries to do good, and at the same time i feel like he knows when to accept when he can’t change people’s minds. i obvi can’t read his mind but that’s how i interpreted it. but it just sucks now cause it’s a whole different story when it’s someone as close to him as tommy being at the opposing side :( i think we all know how hurt he is based on his likes, but i really hope it works out for him in the end, whether he makes up with tommy or not. i just want him to be at peace

i don’t know how articulate i am with this cause english isn’t my first language and i hopeeee i don’t sound too parasocial? 😭

good morning anon. youre so good dw about it i dont think you sound too parasocial at all. your english is great :) this got way too long so putting it under a readmore

i keep thinking about his "the internet is cold" statement and the way he doesnt immediately attribute someone disliking him to something malicious. he just kinda understands a lot of the shit against him is unserious at the end of the day and laughs it off which is admirable and maybe a bit scary (TO ME). i talked on priv a while back about him always reaching out to other ccs after they talk shit about him to clear up miscommunication over an assumption about HIS character, values, etc which is really mature and a minor droloism of mine but whatever. what makes this different is that it's someone he considered a close friend and very public shade/misrepresentation over another situation involving a personal project where he got burned by another "friend" like... thats just pure betrayal. i'd be pissed too! i'd be sooo mad OMG i'd rain hell on people.

the grind and fame seduces like no other... unfortunately most people value outrage and a quick buck and laugh over sincerity nuance and longevity and well thats the case with most dream discussions/mentions on the internet :( i feel conflicted because on one hand cc friendships and partnerships etc are awesome and amazing but there comes a point where most of the time shit happens (clout, money, etc) and they end messily so while i am sad about it sometimes it is the way it goes and not even dream is immune from that as a cc (snf munchy exempted). like its very danplan/try guys fallout to me (not exact matches but you get what i mean) its happened before and it has and will continue to happen to dream.

still feel really sad about it though because it was a really beautiful friendship born out of mutual respect and passion for the craft. loving people is scary as fuck because you dont know if or when they're gonna turn on you but we still do it anyway. i dont think its overly parasocial to say you wish him peace no matter what; at the end of the day he IS another guy and its not wrong to wish good on people you dont know. i hope it works out too :( many virtual hugs anonnie sorry for these walls of text jfc

#anon.txt #ask.txt

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stoned-r0mantic · 3 months

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Istg shes gonna leave me. Im too much. Im not enough. Im too insecure. Im the worst bf. I get angry bc she'll never do things for me like i do for her. I'd do anything just to hang out with her. But she won't do that. But it's fine! I'll just sit in bed and cry while i wait for her to respond to my texts and want to call! Like always! I'll wait like a dog even though it feels like you dont even want me anymore! Doesn't matter how much i need to call bc ur not feeling it! /gen! but it's fine. No one will ever love me the way i love them. i don't want to live anymore. I just want to fucking kms so i dont have to live in this miserable world. I cant leave them but i physically cant stand being alive anymore i just cant. Its become too goddamn much. I cant wait two more years anymore i just cant i want to die i hate codependency. I hate my fake fucking friends. Whsts the point of living? Theres no fucking point to life. Why should i stay alive for others when they dont even seem to care enough to hang out with me once in a while. Im so pissed off at everyone. Im so close to just ghosting everyone and killing myself. I cant stand this constant heartsche anymore. I can't stand not calling every single day. Or not calling at all basically. Its selfish. But i can help it. If you cant handle how needy i am then dont fucking be with me. I want to leave her before she has the chance to leave me. Im splitting and i dont want to be mad at her. I dont want to hurt her. I dont want to leave her. But this relationship makes me so much worse and i hate this version of myself. I hate being vunerable. Boys dont fucking cry. I shouldnt be fucking crying.

Just leave me already so i can kms and not have anyone upset about it. I can't stay clean. Hell, i can't even NOT lash out. You say i'm "a good person".. but *I* know I'm the worst fucking person. If only you knew what went on in my head. If only you knew how i feel 24 fucking 7. Pictures of brutally murdering people just because they pissed me off. Sadness turning into outright hatred for someone. Paranoia. All the fucking tme. Just needing destruction and chaos in my life. Not csring abiut anyone but myself. Thoughts of manipulating people js bc i can and its so easy to do. constant numbness. I dont wanna be toxic. I dont want to be. But these thoughts get so hard to ignore. I dont wsnt to hate her but if she doesnt change some things soon im gonna stsrt splitting. Devaluing. If you cant call me at least once or twice a week then we shouldn't even be tg. Ive told you. Time and fucking time again. I need calling. Yet you still STILL fucking dont call. I love you so much it hurts me. Ill wait for you forever. Just step all over me and tear my heart out, we both know I dont have the strength to leave you. I'll just self sabotage until you decide im too unstable to be with. Leave me. Abandon me.

#bpd vent #rant post #personal vent #fp bpd #you dont love me #im sorry #bpd splitting

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harryconcepts · 1 year

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part 65

I've been having bad dreams lately bc of the cold medicine I was taking and i need harry 😔 he would wake up when he feels you moving around and he would know by how your face is all scrunched up that you're having a bad dream 😔 he would pull you into his arms and shush you gently, stroking your hair and saying "you're alright, it's just a dream, you're alright" until you settle down again 😔 and he would make sure you feel safe if you do wake up 😔 telling you he's here and you're okay 😔 ugh I need him 😔

tracing Harry's veins 🤭 sorry I have a vein kink it's true 🤭 but anyways laying on his chest tracing your fingers up his arms along the veins bc they stand out so much 🤭 he's just watching you with a little smile bc it tickles a tiny bit but it feels nice 🤭 soon you start feeling a little 🤭 so you turn your head and nudge your nose against his to give him a kiss 🤭 your fingers stay on his arms the whole time and he's very into how much it turns you on 🤭stop he would love it 🤭 he would be all "what, do you have a vein kink?" and you blush and nod while you keep tracing 🤭 he laughs bc he was joking but he sees that you're serious and he's like "alright, a little weird but I'll go with it" and from then on you don't try to hide how you're always staring at his arms and hands and touching them 🤭

riding plugrry while you smoke 😌 you're both all hazy and extra sensitive and everything is a little slower and you're just all over each other 😌 every so often he holds the joint up for you to take a hit and you let out a little moan before you blow the smoke out 😌 it's very unhurried and you're both just feeling so good 😌he's so relaxed he's barely even doing anything, his head is leaned back on the couch and he's just watching you 😌 he'll reach up to thumb over your nipples a few times but other than that he's just letting you use him to get off 😌

and plugrry is all "dont call me that 🙄 I'm not interested 🙄" but then he hears that you're stopping by to see his roomate and he's sprinting around to clean up and he's fixing his hair and spraying on some cologne and making sure the place looks nice for you 😌 his roomate is watching with the most amused look on his face and harry is all "this is no laughing matter she'll be here SOON we have so much work to do" 😌and when you come over he runs to get the door before his roommate can and he's all "hello there 😌" offering you a drink and some cookies that he made the other day, and he's the perfect host even though you're not there for him 😌 when you leave his roommate is like "...can I give you her number yet or are you gonna keep fucking around" and he's like "....yes please 😁🤲🏻"

one time his friends call him loverboy when you're there and you're like ?? why do they call you that?? and he's glaring daggers at them but he just looks at you with the sweetest smile and says "don't worry about it sweet girl, they're just taking the piss" and he ushers you into the other room 😌

the first time you smoke with plugrry who has a major crush on you, you wear a tiny little shirt that he can definitely see your nipples through 😌 when you're both a little buzzed he's openly staring and you laugh a bit and say "you're staring, loverboy" and he blushes so bright red and his eyes snap up to meet yours, he says "sorry, just got distracted for a second" and you're all "mhm..." and you're moving closer on the couch, you swing your leg over his to straddle him 😌 you take the joint from between his fingers and bring it to your lips to take another hit 😌he takes a big breath bc he's so turned on, he's staring at your lips when he says "I'm really fucking whipped for you" and you smile and say "I know" and put the joint back between his lips 😌

telling harry you want him to be rough with you 🤭 usually when you're together it's soft and he's gentle and loving on you and you love it but sometimes you just want him to throw you around a little 🤭 so one night when you're kissing you pull away a little and say "i want to try something" and he's so happy that you're feeling confident enough to suggest things so he's all "of course, you know I'll give you anything you want" and leans down to give you a few more kisses on your neck 🤭 your fingers tangle in his hair because it feels so good and you sigh a little before you say "i want- I want you to be rough with me" and he pauses, he lifts his head to look at you and says "rough how?" and you're blushing but he doesn't let you turn away, so you say "however you want... i mean don't hurt me hurt me or anything but like maybe you could..." and you reach for his hand and pull it to your throat 🤭 you squeeze down around his hand so he knows how much pressure is okay for you and your eyes close when it's just right 🤭 you nod slightly and say "just like that" and he's so feral 🤭 he lets up so you'll open your eyes again and his pupils are totally blown when he says "okay... what else?" and you say "maybe we could like, um, not take a break between rounds?" and he raises an eyebrow bc he's not sure what you mean and you're blushing so hard it hurts when you say "you know I get really sensitive after i- finish, and I kind of want you to try to make me do it again right away" and you're trying so hard to dance around the words because it's awkward but he looks absolutely delighted and he says "you want me to overstimulate you?" and you nod shyly, but he has the biggest grin and he says "I can definitely make that happen😌" and then you discuss it ofc, you decide that he'll only stop if you actually say the word stop, and ofc he'll check up on you to make sure you're doing okay, but then you're both eager so you're getting into it 🤭 the first and second times are fine, but after you cum the third time you're crying and when he starts reaching down between your legs again youre shaking your head and you get out "I can't, it hurts" and he's all pitying when he leans closer to nose at your cheek and he says "I know, I know baby" and it's quiet for a second except for your shaky breaths, but then he says "but I think you can give me a few more" and he reaches up to wipe the tears off your face 🤭 that only makes you cry more and he's a bit concerned he pushed too far so he's immediately switching back to his soft and gentle voice and he says "is it too much? we can stop if it's not feeling good anymore, do you want me to stop?" and it takes a second but finally you shake your head and sniff "no, I don't want you to stop" and he smiles, leaning down to kiss your forehead he says "that's my girl" and he's pushing his fingers inside again 🤭 he would be such a freak too 😔you've already cum a few times so you're completely soaked and it's just so sensitive and swollen, the lightest brushes of his fingers have you crying out and grabbing at his shoulders and he would be so obsessed with you 😔

okay sorry but harry tickling you 🤭 he definitely attacks when you're least expecting it, he has you pinned under him before you can even blink and he's just grinning at you 🤭 your eyes are wide and you're shaking your head bc you know he is absolutely merciless but he just nods and hovers his hand over your side, wiggling his fingers in the air 🤭 you're like "no no no I didn't even do anything why are you-" and he says "just because 😌" and he doesnt give you any more warning before he drops his fingers and starts tickling 🤭 you're nearly screaming right away because it's your most sensitive spot and he knows it so you're arching away and laughing so hard while you kick your legs behind him and he's giggling right along with you 🤭 he definitely teases so much saying "I'm barely even touching you baby, is it that tickly?" and you nod 🤭 his fingers move down to your hips where he knows you're really sensitive and he has to hold you a little tighter because you're fighting so hard 🤭 the whole time he's grinning saying "you can't lie to me, I know how much you love this" and he's right 🤭 and he would definitely be so mean, slowing down to act like he's gonna stop and give you a break but then he starts right back up again before you can calm down 🤭 finally he can tell you really need a breather so he stops and nuzzles into your neck without thinking, but you're so overwhelmed and sensitive you're laughing weakly trying to push him away because even that tickles too much 🤭 he's all "sorry, sorry" and pulls away, and he's looking at you with the biggest heart eyes bc he just loves to hear his girl laugh and make her happy 🤭

then he would graduate to tying your hands to the headboard so he has both of his free 🤭 you get so much more squirmy when you're tied and he can see it 🤭 and now that he has more access to your whole body he would be so much meaner 🤭 he would tickle both sides of your ribs at the same time so no matter which way you squirm you're just putting yourself right in his hands 🤭 he would tease you about that too, he would be all "oh yeah? you want this side touched?" and you're laughing so hard and shaking your head but he says "i can't understand you, gotta speak more clearly baby" and he would reach up to get your neck and collarbone 🤭 and that's the worst bc it's so sensitive to everything and he knows that so he would definitely lean down to kiss the skin there and run his tongue over it so you're so so so sensitive before he starts tickling 🤭 he would be evil evil and i want him 🤭

anyways think about harry sucking on your clit and looking up to make eye contact while he does ❤️ when it just feels too good you close your eyes and your head tips back but he stops ❤️ when you whine and grab his hair to pull him back to you he says "gotta look at me baby, keep your eyes on me or I'm stopping" and his voice is gentle but very stern ❤️ you're shaking your head and you say "no, no I'll be good, I'll keep my eyes on you just please don't stop" and he says "that's my girl, so sweet to me" and he gets back to it ❤️

no i would be all over him after a show.... he would be laughing grabbing your hands saying "baby I'm sweaty, i stink, let me shower first" and you're like "I like it 😋" and you're pulling him into his dressing room 😋

he would give it to you so good after a show 🤕 he's all amped up and turned on and you're so ready after watching him dance around for 2 hours and he smells so good and you're both so feral 🤕 you barely make it back to the hotel bc he's all over you in the car 🤕 and when you get inside he literally throws you on the bed 🤕 he definitely teases you and edges you so much to get you even more worked up and desperate 🤕 he probs makes you cum 3 times before he even gets inside you 🤕 you're a crying fucked out mess by the time he's done with you and you know you'll be doing it all over again after the next show 🤕 I made myself horny with this oof 🤕

sorry but harry is definitely into overstimulation 🤭 after you cum and you're so sensitive you're shaking and can barely think straight but he's already kissing around again 🤭 you're whimpering and gripping his hair so tight but he just smiles and says "you're gonna be a good girl for me and give me a few more, hm?" and you nod 🤭 it's so intense you're trying to pull away but he just grips your thighs and pulls you back to him 🤭when he knows you need a little break he comes up and starts kissing your face, wiping any little tears away and murmuring "so good for me baby, you're doing so well... think you can give me some more?" and it takes you a minute but you nod 🤭 he says "that's my girl, my best girl" and he gives you a few minutes while he kisses your cheeks and neck so gently before he's moving back down 🤭maybe he's a little bit of a sadist but he likes when he's doing so good that you cry a bit 🤭

harry definitely holds you down by your hips and rubs it all over you before he slips inside 🤭 when he bumps against your clit you gasp and you're squirming so he'll give you more but he just smirks and says "stay still for me, have to be good so you get what you want" 🤭🤭🤭

he definitely gets horny when he has to hold you still 🤭 when he's eating you out and you can't stop moving your hips and he just has to grip onto you so tight to bury his face deeper, you're crying out bc it feels so good and he's moaning against you bc the whole thing just makes him 🤕🤭

harry sleeping really late one morning bc he hasn't been feeling so well so you're already up and making breakfast or even lunch, he comes over and wraps his arms around you burying his face in your neck 😔 he inhales deeply and says "missed you so much" and you laugh "while you were sleeping?" and he nods 😔 you turn around in his arms and reach up to trace over the pillow lines on his face and say "you had a good sleep, hm?" and he nods with a little smile 😔 you say "the food's almost ready, let's pick something to watch while we eat" and he goes to get cuddled up on the couch 😔

harry just loves going down on you 🤕 he wraps his arms around your thighs to keep you still and spread open for him and he moans when he tastes you 🤕 he takes deep breaths in through his nose and his eyes slip closed bc he's so focused 🤕

stop it he would be feral when you have a little bit of a bush 🤭 after he's been away so you didn't shave for a while, then he comes home a few days earlier than you expected 🤭 he's immediately all over you and you're ofc very into it but then you stop and say "wait, wait i didnt- I didn't get ready or anything" and he's all 🤨 so you say "i haven't, you know, shaved" and he's like "I don't care i just need you or I will die" and he pushes you down on the bed 🤭

wearing a strapon so Harry can ride you 🤭 maybe even one of those ones that has a vibrator that presses on your clit so every time he sinks down you're both moaning 🤭 when you both cum (and it doesn't take long) he rolls off of you and you're both trying to breathe again and you say "now I get why you're so obsessed with having me ride you...." and he's all "exactly 😌" 🤭

being at home with your newborn baby and harry absolutely hates going to work because he hates leaving his girls 😔 maybe she's a fussy baby and he knows sometimes you have a really hard day with her but some days he does have to go in to get stuff done, he's always saying "are you sure? if you're not feeling it I'll just push the meeting back" and you have to tell him so many times it's okay 😔 so one day he goes even though he's very hesitant as always, and within an hour of him leaving you know you should have gotten him to stay 😭 your girl is crying and crying and nothing you do calms her down, you've tried everything you can think of and by the time harry gets home you're in tears too 😭 you're feeling like a bad mom and you're sleep deprived and your hormones are still all over the place so you're basically sobbing right along with her 😭 Harry comes in and sees that things are not going well so he's immediately lifting the baby out of your arms and he kisses your forehead saying "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, i should have stayed home, I'm so sorry baby" and you're shaking your head, you rub your eyes and say "she won't stop crying, I don't know what I'm doing wrong but I'm so bad at this i can't do it anymore" and he shushes you so gently, he strokes some hair out of your face and says "I'm going to take her for a drive, sometimes that calms her down.... why don't you take a bath? you can open up some wine, read a book... we'll be okay, but I need to make sure my favorite girl still takes care of herself" and kisses you again 😔 he's out of the house so fast, knowing you really just need a minute of quiet, and you go get in the bath like he suggested 😔 and he was right ofc, youre feeling so much better as soon as you get in the warm water, and you almost manage to fall asleep 😔 a few hours later you hear the door opening veeeery quietly and some shuffling around, but you don't hear any sobbing or wailing so you figure he managed to get her to sleep. a few minutes later he comes in the bathroom and sits on the edge of the tub with you, leaning down to kiss you and he murmurs a hello against your lips 😔 you say "she's sleeping?" and he nods saying "she was out pretty much as soon as we pulled out the driveway" and you sigh, you look up at him and say "I'm not very good at this" and he's shaking his head right away, he says "that's not true at all, you're her mama, and you're the best mama in the whole world... she loves you so much, i love you so much" and he kisses your forehead again 😔 you nod and hold out your hand for him to help you out of the bath, and once he wraps you in a towel he gives you a big hug 😔 he murmurs "you really are, you're the best" and he kisses you all over 😔 he would definitely give you a massage once you're all settled in bed, he just wants to make sure his favorite girl is doing okay 😔

harry would be so observant all the time and it makes me want to kay em ess 😭😭😭he notices you get jumpy when you hear a door slam so from then he makes sure he never slams doors 😔 he notices you're low on groceries so he goes to the store so he can restock your fridge 😔 the first time you stay over at his house he has a night light in the hallway bc he knows you hate getting up to use the bathroom when it's dark, even though you never told him that 😔 he's just always looking out for you 😔😔😔

I'm a crazy sleeper but I think harry would still love me 😌 if you were kicking him or rolling all around or flailing for whatever reason he would just tuck you in his arms and basically make a human straitjacket around you and make sure you're both cozy and still 😭

the first time you have sex with harry you would be so nervous but he's so good 😔 kissing you so gently and murmuring how sweet you are and how much he loves you 😔 calling you his pretty girl and kissing all over your body 😔 leaving love bites on all your soft spots and trying so hard so get some pretty noises out of you 😔 just going so slow and being soft with you so you know that he loves you and just wants to make you feel good 😔

I bet harry does yoga in the mornings 🤣🔫 he does a few gentle stretches bc it helps him wake up and feel more ready for the day 🤣🔫 i need to join him or more likely sit on the floor next to him wrapped in a blanket while I watch him 🤣🔫

don't think about harry telling you to relax 🤕 you're all tense and whiny bc it feels so good to have him kissing at your neck with his fingers are working at your g spot and he murmurs "gotta relax for me, baby, open up so i can make you feel good" 🤕🤕🤕

harry would offer to rub your back when he can see that you're stressed 😌 he lays you down and puts some different massage oils on his hands and says "just relax, and tell me when something feels good, hm?" and you nod, letting out a big sigh when his hands start working 😌 he can feel you relax under his hands and and he's all "that's it, pretty girl, just relax... you're so stressed all the time, just want to make you feel better" 😌 and maybe it leads to you both being a little turned on but that's okay he's there to provide for you 😌

the way Harry is so grabby during sex and even just kissing 🤕 grabbing your face to pull you close bc he just wants you on him and wrapping his arms around you he just wants to touch you everywhere 🤕

ooh I fear harry is obsessed with your body and can never stop touching you and kissing all over you and telling you how pretty you are 🤕 leaving love bites and humming softly saying "pretty, pretty girl" 🤕

i think Harry likes it when you have a little bit of hair down there 🤭 he's always running his fingers over it and playing with it, while you're watching tv or cuddling in bed 🤭more filthily he likes cumming on it bc he just likes to make a mess 🤭

#harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles/reader #harry styles/you #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles #harry concept #harry styles blurb #harry styles x y/n #harry styles imagine

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cheolhub · 1 year

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NO CAUSE IM SUCH A SUCKER FOR WHEN THEY'RE MEAN

but imagine the aftermath, like you would not know how to fucking act after that and it throws you off your game and he wins the next race and !!!

you're so mad. you're so angry he got to your head that much. and he's so fucking smug about it. but of course, it can only go one way at this point, and at the end of the day you end up in his bed again bc what else are you even supposed to do?

AND HE'D BE SO MEAN ABT IT, all "can't believe you're here begging for my cock again. shouldn't you be out training? or are you just that much of a cockhungry slut?"

and it continues like that. it doesn't even matter who wins or who loses anymore, bc the outcome is the same anyways - you crying on his cock, you on your knees for him, you taking whatever he wants to give you. and you know that if this came out it could ruin your career, but you just can't stop.

(okay but spinning off of that earlier ask. what if you're in a crash, maybe it's one if the last races of the season, and he's THE FIRST ONE THERE bc holy shit he got so worried. like he always worries when someone crashes bc this shit is dangerous, but it's different now, and he doesn't quite want to think about what it means yet. (he's a little less mean the next time, not bc he's gotten soft or anything, he swears)) - ☁️

UR SUCH A FUCKING MENACE LIKE IM GONNA RIP MY HAIR OUT. it’s 1 am so that means this is going to be hot shit (the bad kind 😹) ok but seriously if i dont make sense or it reads bad, im so sorry, ive written like 4k words today and my brains fuzzy

wonwoo is so cruel. he’s so fucking cruel. he’s insulting you while fucking you stupid, rambling on and on about how you’re always crawling back into his bed like a shameless loser. about how you have no self-respect whatsoever. about how you should be out training even though you’re going to lose again. and again. and again.

and you’re just taking it because, fuck him, but he makes you feel so good. he bullies his cock into you and makes you cum countless times and it’s just too fucking good. you’re in this toxic… relationship? would you even call it that? you’re in this toxic situationship and you have no idea how to get out of it… or if you even want out of it.

and, cloudnon, you’re 100% right. it doesn’t matter who wins or loses.

if he wins, he’s fucking you as if he were some type of god with the cockiest smirk on his face. if you wanna cum, you have to beg and tell him how much of a loser you are. (woah humiliation kink popped out again my bad)

if you win, he’d be so fucking pissed. so so angry and he’s taking it out on you, immediately adjusting that cocky attitude of yours. makes you cum over and over till your just in tears babbling his name and incoherent pleas.

no matter what, he’s always going to have you begging for more bc you’re just his a pretty, cockhungry slut.

[oh my god i alrdy know that didnt make any fucking sense, BUT WAIT BC UR LIL SPIN OFF THING IS KINDA CUTE ☺️ ill start with a poorly written post-crash bed scene]

you’re fine. you’ve told him several times, but he keeps asking and it’s starting to get on your nerves. but, like, it’s also starting to freak you out a bit. he hasn’t said anything mean to you and the way he handles you is kind of… soft? something you’re not used to at all when you’re under him like this

he’s still a bit freaked out if he’s being honest. you could’ve been really hurt… and it’s morbid… but you could’ve fucking died and he doesnt think he’d be able to stand it if anything really bad happened to you.

he has no idea what he’s feeling right now. he doesn’t want to know. god forbid he have a crush on the his top competitor and god forbid you don’t feel the same way.

you grow impatient with his gentle touches bc you’re dying to have him manhandle you like he usually does, so you sigh out. “wonwoo, told you i’m fine. just a few cuts and bruises. stop worrying so much. you won’t break me.”

he looks at you nervously and your heart squeezes a bit… he’s kinda cute when he’s not being a complete dick. “you sure?”

“i’m sure.”

“i’ll be nicer today,” he mutters, “y’know, since you obviously don’t know how to ride.”

there he is.

you smirk, “oh? why don’t you show me how then?”

he smirks, voice low when he says, “it’d be my pleasure.”

#[💌: ☁️]#aPLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR THIS #BUT I NEEDED TO REPLY #SERIOUSLY THO IM IN LOVE WITH UR BRAIN

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steveharrington · 2 years

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But we’re not told WHY they’re vecna’d. There’s no reason why vecna targets traumatized teens EXCEPT to make it even more horror-movie-ish. Why do they get trash compacted like that specifically? It’s implied that’s how vecna a powers work but why? No idea.

The show has left so many unanswered questions already and this new element (vecna itself!) just over complicates everything

And I’m actually kind of pissed bc Patrick gets vecna’d and we know almost nothing about him. But stranger things… hates poc

I actually kind of hate Chrissy because of how differently she (pretty white girl) was treated from Patrick (black boy). And. her eating disorder existed SOLELY for exploitative purposes just to cause an emotional reaction it’s not something that adds to her as a character it’s just there to freak the audience out, meanwhile other REAL LIFE ACTORS are being forced to starve themselves for the roles. We get it eating disorders are scary good thing they’re not real! /s

Acting like this new girl will be important focusing on her ed only to kill her off in the most horrific way possible… i don’t like it it feels exploitative especially of a real world problem this show is absolutely complicit in spreading

We got a LOT less development for Fred than chrissy and didn’t fucking. Languish in such a triggering topic I think he was the happy medium.

Regardless the focus on traumatized teens with no other similarities was already so random they could have just picked literally anyone with no special backstory and it would have worked just as well? At the end of the day Chrissy ONLY matters as motivation for Jason, who only matters as motivation for Eddie ( and since Eddie’s death did nothing like. It didn’t seem like he was saving Dustin’s life or anything) who only matters to make Dustin kind of sad? She died for man pain except the ultimate man pain was for some guy she never even met

Chrissy isn’t a person or a character she’s a bafflingly written INTENTIONALLY TRIGGERING and misogynistic plot device with an outrageous amount of minute details they could have given to any of the real characters. They didn’t have to spend 10 minutes pretending she mattered only to beat her to death with a rock and then run over her a few times for good measure

well first of all i am no authority on the topic of whether or not chrissy's struggles with her ed were done correctly and therefore i will not speak on it because its really....not my place as someone who hasn't experienced that!

as for why vecna targets people with trauma specifically, i think it serves a greater narrative purpose and that's depicted best through max's arc this season. vecna's whole backstory as henry shows that he was obviously traumatized himself by brenner and when he appeals to chrissy, fred, and max he attempts to persuade them to just give up/join him/etc because it's easier than carrying on. he's using their trauma against them. and then when max is faced with this threat of losing her life to vecna, it motivates her to want to get better and want to stop isolating herself from lucas and the group, she literally says "i don't want to go, im not ready" and it kinda overall like. saves her life! vecna acts as a narrative tool to explore mental health and trauma and guilt. imo it's much much MUCH more impactful for our characters to overcome him through their bonds and their desire to live despite what they've been through than like.....killing a monster of the week

obv you dont have to agree with me and that's fine but i don't think chrissy is like...a misogynistic charicature in the slightest. like i said before i really don't think chrissy's treatment in the show was uniquely different than fred's or even max's. i don't really understand how chrissy's trauma was "languished in" any more than fred's? i feel like they got equal screentime and fred's vecna vision was just as brutal as chrissy's, even if they talked about two entirely different topics. and if im being completely honest (again not trying to be rude or demean your view of the show, but you did send this ask to me personally so im going to give my honest opinions back) i think referring to chrissy as a "plot device" and not a "real character" is intentionally reading the show in bad faith.

this season is a horror season. people die like they do in any slasher movie. i understand if the vecna plotline isn't for everyone because like yeah watching characters who are already suffering die very tragic deaths is hard! but i think the point of vecna like i said before is to personify trauma, guilt, and shame to allow our characters to overcome those feelings. chrissy's death worked both to establish what vecna does and to involve eddie. but i dont think that automatically makes her a "prop" or a "plot device" because she's given a personality, she's given a lot of thought and care from the actress, she's given people who mourn her. i think it was genuinely one of the sweetest moments in the whole show when eddie dedicated his little guitar solo to her because it showed that her death affected him and in motivating him to want to kill vecna and save his friends from her same fate, it had meaning

#sorry i feel weird for posting long asks disagreeing with ppl and i really am not trying to like Discourse or anything #i just love talking about the show and giving my perspective on it #i prommy im not going out of my way to argue or be defensive or anything i just feel like i should give my thoughts when someone asks #and if ive said anything here thats insensitive or out of touch PLEASE let me know #tw ed #anon #answered

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codes · 2 years

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Hi Matthew 😺 omg I'm so happy i stumbled upon someone else who likes shu knights and Tsumugi. Tsumugi is also one of my favorite characters i don't know why i don't list him in my about anymore... It's for real so messed up that Tsumugi exists i think if the people who call eichi a war criminal actually read and understood the Tsumugi chapters where natsume confronts him after the Valkyrie execution + the scene where he burns all records of the war they would not know peace. What's your favorite Tsumugi moment :)? Let me try to come up with some more questions aummm. What's your favorite knights story? Have u read lionheart and if yes what do you think about it? What do you think about shu and nazuna (i know i have "i like shunazu" in my about so i just want to add a disclaimer that i like it as a failed broken relationship only I'm not completely crazy) okay bye now good luck at the hospital 😺!

HI ANGIE!!!! 🐣 -relaxing w u under our parasol-

This became long so I’m putting it under a cut I hope these work bc I’m on mobile

I LOVE THAT WE HAVE SIMILAR FAVES I usually feel like I have a rlly weird combination of faves like there’s a concerning amount of red flags there and idk if I’d even follow myself. Put in ur about that Tsumugi is ur fave but he’s like a test subject to u.

Related to the Tsumugi thing but before engstars was released I wasn’t too concerned about ppl not knowing ! lore bc u can technically enjoy !! without it but then I froze up in bed two days ago bc I realized that nobody would know about meteor impact, no one has read the main story, no one has read element, MILKY WAY, MARIONETTE, CHECKMATE. which isn’t essential reading but it rlly does expand your understanding of the characters and their growth (when akira decides that it matters, i hate that man). I saw someone say that eichi manipulated Tsumugi into following him which was endlessly funny like Tsumugi did all of that himself like he knew damn well what was happening. This was literally him watching it all go down.

He’s OUR problematic fave.

Unmmm fave mugi moment… HARD CHOICE but it’s not a particularly popular scene and I don’t have a screenshot on me (I checked :[ ), it’s the one where Tsumugi is talking to Izumi and he’s like “I really admire you for being able to talk to someone who so clearly hates your guts ^_^” and Izumi gets Pissed. If I ever find it I’ll probably post it bc it pleasantly cheeses me

I DONT KNOW IF I HAVE A FAVE KNIGHTS STORY im a failure of a stan bc college had been rlly busy and I couldn’t read a lot of them before they were snapped out of existence but for now it’s checkmate but there’s a good chance that’ll change since now I have time to read more. And I haven’t read lionheart -gripping the soil and letting the tears run down my face- i want to read it so bad.

SHUNAZU I saw that and i was like woaahh bc there’s so many ways that it can go and I don’t think it’s particularly popular (or maybe I’m wrong and I just haven’t rlly looked around). I have a lot of thoughts about Shu but none of them are normal. My friend rlly likes nazuna so I enjoy him vicariously through her. Shu and nazuna together in the same room tho hrmmm I like the thought of them meeting me in like a grocery store and Shu wants to hide in the bathroom. I think what happened between them is tragic and one time my friend said exvalk was their height and now their music is missing that vital piece that they once had which is an interesting take but I see it more like what happened was necessary for the both of them. They wouldn’t have grown either musically or as people if they stayed together in their unit. I think exvalk was the peak of their lowest moment but i might be wrong, i just like Saying whatever. Booo Get this loser off the stage!!! -throwing tomatoes at Matthew-

I wish I had more to say but that’s rlly my take on it for now :)

#ask #SORRY THIS IS SO LONG WHAT THE FUCK #TY ANGIE I hope ur having a great day btw

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jasontoddisbest · 1 year

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[offers hugs] need to vent?

omfg yes

vent under cut

TW: mentions of SH and suicidal thoughts, dysphoria

idk why but sometimes i feel like I'm faking it

Like am i actually who i say i am

or am i victimizing myself

and in one of my earlier posts it talks about how i wish i had more trauma, but really that was just the need to show that i DO deserve sympathy or smth

but even then i have this lingering doubt

this little thing in the back of my mind saying

'Do you really need help?'

And ever since I took the RAADS-R test and got diagnosed w/ autism

(After i told a friend i got positive on the test, she legit said "a lot of people are a little autistic", like SHE LITERALLY TOLD ME TO TAKE IT AND I FUCKING GOT 140)

anyway IDK sometimes it feels like im just not myself

I used to be the gifted kid, the smart one, the one who could read 200 pages in a day

But now I can barely read a chapter and focus.

IDK wtf this is called but I hate it

And not to mention my mother

dear god have mercy

I was FINALLY starting to love my body, like actually love it.

I felt confident no matter the clothing or appearence

and then SHE came along

starts fucking commenting and not to mention

I was w/ my mom and dad, and we were talking, and as i turned around to leave the room, i hear her fucking say "Never in my dreams did i imagine that girl to get this fat"

And when I tell you TEARS sprung to my fucking eyes, like even my dad looked pissed, and he usually sides with her no matter what

like it took four years

FOUR FUCKING YEARS TO GET THOSE STUPID SH THOUGHTS OUT OF MY MIND, THE ONYL REASON I DDINT KILL MYSELF WAS BC OF MY FUCKING FRIENDS WHO ARE LITEARALLY THE REASON IM ALIVE TODAY

BUT THAT WASNT EVEN THE WORST PART TOO

I WAS PLANNING ON COMING OUT TO THEM FOR MY BIRTHDAY AS BISEXUAL

AND SHE STARTS FUCKING TALKING HOMOPHOBIC ABOUT THIS ONE COWORKER MY DAD HAS

LIEK MY HEART SHATTERED

IT LITERALLY STOPPED FOR A WHOLE ASS TWO SECONDS

I CANT WITH THIS HOUSE

I FUCKING HATE IT HERE AND I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF SHE EVEN TRIES TO CONTACT ME AFTER I LEAVE IM GONNA BLOW SOMETHING UP

OMFG AND DONT GET ME WITH HER STANDARDS

SHE WANTS A SMART KID

A SUCCESSFUL KID

WELL GUESS WHAT

I CAN BARELY GO THREE DAYS WITHOUT FEELING THE URGE TO BAWL MY FUCKING EYES OUT

Phew I needed to get that off of my chest

Anyway, I'm fine :]

...

Fuck even now I feel like im faking it, like im seeking attention, idfk what's going on but I do know i need a therapist fast.

Anyway tysm for sending in this ask I really needed it.

#sam shitposts

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ecl1pse · 2 years

Text

little over a week before my trip to mu uncle’s my best friend told me she had been taking care of little girl for a few hours when her mom told her the little was feeling unwell. they went to the hospital & tested positive for covid. i told her to get pcr test asap but she said she went home & wanted to wait & see if she got any symptoms beforehand. i said it was fine but just stay put in her room & not make any food for her family bc that was how i got my family sick back in jan. well, the day that i was traveling out of the city, right as i was finishing getting ready she called me to say she was feeling an itchy throat & had a headache.she said she was setting up the appointment for her test for the next day & i told her to again stay put until her results came in 48 hrs after. this would be on friday but she said she was planning on going back to help out w that little girl on monday bc she & her mom were feeling better. i got so pissed i told her i had to hang up & finish packing. i was already done packing but i was so mad i had write my part on message bc i knew if i continued the call o was going to scream at her & cause a fight. so i did that & she replied that the test wouldn’t matter bc she was going back anyways & the mom was fine bc she didn’t care abt covid, hadn’t even gotten vaccinated. i didnt reply bc i was abt to board & i was growing livid + i had shit i had to be busy with instead of this. i think having those messages sitting in my inbox every time i went to reply to someone else bc i didn’t really enjoy my trip as much as i could have & it took me over two weeks to reply. but i knew i had to do it bc her birthday is tomorrow & i would feel horrible if i didn’t try to reach back again & idk… mend things before that. i just. i don’t know what else to say besides i’m surprised she’s letting herself be influenced by someone so irresponsible of her own children, so i messaged her that.

idk. i feel like i might be exaggerating things… but i mean, isn’t this kind of behavior why we can’t fucking get out of a pandemic??? i know it might be hypocritical of me considering i literally line up for two hours to cross the border like 3 times a week & spend at least 4 hrs in a store full of people. but at least i’m trying take precautions. i never take my mask off unless i’m drinking or waiting. no matter how hot i’m getting. i’m washing my hands every time i go back. i’ve been sleeping on a very tiny couch at home almost every night since i came home just in case, esp after i started getting a scratchy throat which was nothing bc im currently sharing a bed w my sister & i don’t want her to get sick.

again i dont know what to do & i don’t wanna end our friendship over this bc we’ve been friends for so long & really do care for her & i love her dearly. i want her to be well & healthy & happy so i was pushing her to at least make sure she had covid so she could take proper care of herself. the uncle i visited is a doctor w his own private practice in a low income area in monterrey & he told us so many sad stories while i was there that i wish i could have recorded him to show her later. cuz even tho we both are social recluses & our lives didn’t change much post this whole ordeal, it doesn’t mean that we should be treating it so lightly. or maybe i’m just being annoying & wanting to be right. i just don’t know

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aftonfamilyvalues · 2 years

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God I’m so upset rn. He’s genuinely so frustrating sometimes and what’s annoying is that he does this on purpose. I hate it. So so much. It’s hard to explain this but he has this amazing moments or days where he’s genuinely the coolest guy ever. We’ll have great convos and everything will be alright and then he’ll just stop. I make the mistake of complimenting him and he does as much as he possibly can to piss me off and it’s annoying bc it works. Fazfuck I’m so annoyed it’s like he tries to push me away but he can’t go all the way. It really sucks. I genuinely like him and I feel like I’m going crazy bc of him. He’ll start an argument over something that even he disagrees with apparently just for the hell of it. Apparently he doesn’t get anything from it. But he does! And he doesn’t want to tell me! And I get so so upset and he knows it. This guy will send me specific songs that he thinks I’ll like and then act like he doesn’t actually care but he does! Every single time! This guy went from being extremely adamant about hating women and telling me that he doesn’t see them as people and now it’s different. I think. A few weeks ago he had a panic attack asking me a bunch of questions about how he would know whether he’s changed. About whether he’ll still be an incel. That’s what he’s worried about. About whether I(some girl he’s never even seen before) will change him. It’s so confusing. He makes strange comments at times and it’s nauseating bc I don’t even think he realizes what he’s doing or saying. How is that fair? It really sucks. We’re terrible for each other and I think it’s bc we’re too similar. I hate that. I hate it so much. I can’t leave him and he can’t leave me. How fucked up is that

its a test. you know how guys always talk about the "ride or die" girls? hes testing to see if youre that. you dont want to be that, all that means is you wont have any boundaries and always run back to him no matter how shitty he is. hes playing with you.

hes also putting everything on you because he WANTS you to fix him. he still hates women and sees us as subhuman, now he just wants something from one of us so hes changing his tone. hes still an incel, just one whose found a plaything. dont be that plaything.

seriously, i think you need to stop talking to all these guys. stop doing whatever this is. the way you keep coming to my inbox with all these things to say and all these issues? you put too much into these weird little relationships and not enough into yourself. learn some self respect, you cant fix people and even if you could its literally not your responsibility. it doesnt seem like this is actually for fun, youre not trolling any more, youre torturing yourself. work on your attachment issues, you talk to these men for like a week max and then tell me you love them and cant let them go. youre driving yourself crazy over bottom of the barrel men.

#ask #nigel lovers anonymous

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