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speuradair · 3 years

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Bakugou With An S/O Who Has A Skin Picking Disorder

Request: "I LOVED your Tamaki with Autistic reader fic!! May I request bakugou (if you can't then Tamaki is fine :) ) with a reader who has skin picking disorder? It's mostly an OCD side effect. Like they have a habbit of picking/scratching their hands, back and scalp and they end up hurting themself specially when stressed, they try to hide it but that doesn't last for long. (Note: keeping your nails pretty short helps) Im insecaure about it so fluff would help :)"

Katsuki wants nothing but the best for you

You're the most important person in his life

Very very protective

He hates to see you struggling with something, so naturally he wants to look it for you and do what he can to help you

However

Bakugou isn't the best with his words

While he doesn't hold anything but love for you, he sometimes isn't the most considerate with the way he speaks

So while he does care for you so much and he is concerned about your well-being, his care and concern doesn't always make itself known the way it should

He wants to stop you from picking when he sees you doing so, he just doesn't know how to go about it at first

Says something like "don't do that shit to yourself"

Which, when you're already self conscious about your habit, doesn't really help

He means it in an affectionate way but it's more likely to hurt your feelings than to make you feel cared for

However, while his words aren't the most considerate, Katsuki is more intuitive than you'd think

He's pretty quick to notice emotions and reactions

Especially when it comes to his lover

He speaks without thinking, then cringes when he sees how dejected you look

Quickly switches his tactics

At first, he isn't sure how to put his concern into words

He knows how not to put his concern into words

But he can't find the words to convey his thoughts

So he opts for nonverbal communication

When he sees you picking, Katsuki silently reaches out to take your hand in his

It occupies your hand and switches your train of thought away from the obsessive picking

But it also represents a shared vulnerability

He knows you're insecure about your skin picking, you know that he's insecure about how sweaty his hands are

In taking your hand, he's also acknowledging that you feel vulnerable, and reaching out to be vulnerable to you as well

Katsuki has come to recognize the signs that you're starting to get upset

He can distract your hands when you're starting to pick, but he also tries to preemptively reduce you're stress

When he recognizes something that might trigger your stress/picking, he does as much as he can to get you away from it

Of course, Katsuki isn't able to completely stop you from picking

It's a very complex issue, it isn't that simple to stop

In turn, there are times he'll find you rather beaten up

Now, he may be bad with words, but he would never, ever make you feel guilty for hurting yourself like that

He knows you didn't mean to

He knows you already feel guilty for it

He knows you're already upset

Getting angry or annoyed with you would only make you more upset, and that's the last thing you need

Katsuki becomes the softest man you've ever seen

He carefully takes your hands, being careful of any spots you may have picked on them, coaxing you to look up at him

"hey, look at me, alright? It's okay, let's get you cleaned up."

He'll bring you into the bathroom, sitting you on the counter and carefully beginning to clean anywhere you're bleeding

Always uses hydrogen peroxide instead of rubbing alcohol so it won't burn

He'll put antiseptic cream on the particularly bad spots

Then he pulls out a pack of band aids in your favorite color/pattern

Yes, he bought them specifically to make you feel better

No, don't point that out

He may be soft for you, but you're not supposed to talk about that >:( (/j)

Depending on how bad you picked and where the spots are, sometimes he has to use bandage wrap instead

Always tells you how badass that makes you look

"Look at you, you could be a boxer or some shit"

Please smile or laugh at his teasing, he's trying his hardest to cheer you up

Katsuki is so gentle around you after you have an episode like that

The last thing he wants is to upset you again

He just wants to take care of you, you know?

Overall, Bakugou would never think any less of you for struggling with skin picking

He wants to keep you safe, and that also means helping you overcome things like this

So always come to him when you need help, okay?

You're his lover, he's always going to be there for you

#katsuki bakugou #bakugou x reader #boku no hero academia #bnha #my hero academia #mha #x reader #Self Insert #one shot #headcanons #fanfic #imagines #rae writes #requests #skin picking cw

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ereawrites · 3 years

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what do you think each of the batboys love language is?

dick - i see his primary language being physical touch, with a good bit of acts of service mixed in. dick grew up in a family that i headcanon to be very physically affectionate; outside of the circus, i’ve always imagined that the three of them were very expressive with their emotions, and he grew up always hugging the people he cared about. plus, for the first 8 years of his life, physical touch was more than just emotion for dick - it meant utmost trust. when he grabbed his parents’ hands, it meant he trusted them to hold him up and catch him. this translates into his relationships a lot. he constantly holds your hand as a way to say, im here, you’re grounded, you can’t fall while we’re together, and i feel much safer knowing you’re holding me up too. the acts of service part comes from 1. his hectic schedule and 2. his considerate side. he doesn’t always get to spend as much time with us partner as he would like, but it makes him feel a little better if he can make their day somewhat easier even without being there. for example, he’ll always find and hang up a forgetful partner’s keys, or move their laundry from the washer into the dryer if they’re out of the house and he’s stopped in for a snack. he appreciates it a lot when his partner does the same for him.

jason - equal parts quality time and physical touch, but they’re only going to come when he really trusts his partner. physical touch is something that makes him incredibly anxious, unless it’s with someone that he trusts completely - the realisation that his partner doesn’t make him feel like that, makes him realise how safe he feels with them. it’s very rare that he’ll become super cuddly or clingy. he’s more about subtle touches. for example, if he’s in a public situation where he feels a little nervous, he likes to keep his hand on his partners back or have them hold his hand. he also understands that, since he’s absolutely massive, his physical touch can feel guarding and protective for an anxious partner, so he makes an effort to touch them in order to express his concern. quality time is somewhat similar - he gets easily overwhelmed in social situations, but being with a partner actually relaxes him so he wants to make the most of that. if he’s happy to sit in silence with his partner for hours and read, watch a movie, or nap, it’s a clear indicator that he loves them endlessly. quality time normally blends quite a bit with physical touch, too. he’s most at peace when he and his partner can lie on the sofa together, legs tangled or maybe their head on his lap, doing something relaxing.

tim - not to play into the ‘rich boy tim drake’ trope but... giving/receiving gifts, as well as words of affirmation. the latter is pretty self-explanatory: tim has a lot of insecurities that run very deep and impact his behaviour. he needs someone who can not only accept these issues, but understand them and want to help. therefore, hearing words of reassurance and love from someone he loves mean the world to him, especially because he’s very rarely heard loved ones’ emotions expressed verbally in his past. on top of that, tim himself isn’t often forthcoming with his emotions, so actually admitting and openly verbalising them - particularly to the very person the emotions are focused around - is always a moment of intense vulnerability saved only for the people he loves most. moving onto giving and receiving gifts - tim is absolutely not a ‘throw money at the problem until it goes away’ kind of guy. he is a ‘i saw this music box in the window of an antiques store, and it’s the same song we first danced to at bruce’s party that one time, and it’s painted in your favourite colour, and-’ kind of guy. tim has a very quick mind and an amazing memory, which means he naturally makes these kinds of connections and associates things with his partner. at this point, he can’t help but buy them so that he can see the smile on his partner’s face. he likes the satisfaction of knowing that he solved another little puzzle and got something right, but he likes knowing that he’s making his partner happy even more. in terms of receiving gifts, meaningful and thoughtful gifts are the way to his heart. he has all the money in the world, but nothing beats the feeling of his partner taking note of something he enjoys or admires and buying him something based off that. more than anything, the appreciation comes from knowing that his partner cares about what he likes, and is willing to go to the trouble of buying something to make him happy.

#yo uh I just did the main 3 bc i am tired and distracted by naruto #subs not dubs kids #anonasks #dick grayson #nightwing #Jason todd #red hood #Tim drake #red robin #batman #dc #dcu

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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Umm what are your thoughts on Magnus thinking Raphael doesn't need him anymore

Y̴̖̳̏͐̓͝͝͝O̴͉͔̪͙͎͌̋̊̽̚Ü̴̦ ̵̡̧͍̙͎̤̓͜F̵̺̹̼̫̳̻̖̓̈́̎Ơ̵͈̟̘̼̲O̴̤̻̭̻̟̺̖͗̆͌͒͆͊͂L̴̨͚̝̟̙̥͆̏. you absolute idiot. my thoughts on magnus thinking raphael doesn't need him anymore??????????????? C̶̨̛̖̘̜̟̪̱͗̈́̓̑̋͛́̽͛̃̑̈́Ą̵̢̣͕̥͚̩͔̗̤͙̺͝ͅN̷̢̜͇̪͖̫͓̦̟̰͎͈̫͔̹͌̓̏̐̔̊̽͝ͅ'̵̩͇͐̅͌͋̕T̵̡̡̼̰̼̯͇̝̗̼̫̝̺̝͖͑̀̒͛̈͘͜ͅ ̷̧̘̬͕̯̘͇̹̳͔̑̓͜Y̷̨̥̙̻̣̯̦̓̏̏̂̒͐̕Ơ̸̭͔̤̤̮̙͇͙͇͙̩͐̌̂̈́̐̇̌̌̕̚͝U̴̢̡͙͕̖̥̗̔̿̒̓̉̓͌ͅ ̶̺͚̯͙̘̦̻͚͒͒̍͗̌̚͜͠S̶̢͆̉́̋̈́́Ȩ̵̪͚̹͉͉͉̼̱͖̏ͅĘ̶̛̞̣͚̲̳̻̪̤̲͎̳̠̻̎̊̽̀̉̑͝ ̴̧̛̫͖͍̺͙͓͈̹͕͛͊͊̓͋̄͑͗̉͆͠͝T̵̡͍̱͍̙͈̞͍̪̭͌̄͂̎͑͂Ḩ̴̧̫̪͖̫̞̞̀̔̾̿̃͗̋͐̌͊̀̕̚È̴̢̨͓̞̠̲̱̠͉̾̀ ̴̢͇͈̣͙̝̭͔̰͔̫̦̈́̀͘Ṁ̶̡͓̖̭̩̱̗̗̘̯̖̹͖̳̭̙̺͋͐̈Ḭ̷̢̧̢͔̙̪̣̞̣͙̘̑͌̈́̐̾̅̆́̆̑̃͋͒͒̎͠Ş̵̱̘̰͓̫̦̺͚̙̹͚̗͎̭̠͆̀̏͐͋͗̈́T̷̢̡̡̛̪̝̟̻̠̼̦̦̰̦̗͓̣͌̌̐̋͊̐̔͛̕Ą̵͔͉̜̪̦͓̗̤͇͖̘͓̱̰̜̈͒̍̊͂ͅK̵̛͈̜̱͉̜̖͈̈́́̒̀̐͒́̂̔͆̾̏̂͂̕̕E̸̡͓̣̪̮͉̮̻̹̰̒́̾̋ ̴̡̮̝̝͇̫̮̭̞̦̘̙̥̥̗͒̿͝ͅY̷̡̨͙̝̰̗̗̫͛́̕͜͠͝Ō̵̬Ų̶̡̖̗͙̞̲̺͖̣͉̜̿́͒͆́̏̚͠ͅ'̵̮̭̗̙̘̰͍̥̣̪̩̖̦͂̀̋̆̓̉́̅͜R̸̼̤͙̞͚̼̤͆͛͌̄̈́̑͘Ê̸̡̢̩̳̤͙̳̘̲̞̦̳̻̩̔̐̄͐̑̒̿̒̽̈́̌͒̏̚ ̷̛̮̂̈̽̄̇̆̍̄͂̋̒͛͝͝͝M̶̧̢̛͙̮̣͎̮͍̝̪͔͎̘͔̐̊͐̄̃́̄̄͋̆̕͜͝A̵̧̮̙͖͓̭̯̘̪̿͊̌̉̆̄̈́̾̅́͆͋́̾̓͝K̸̘̩̯̼̣͍̠̝͈̤̮̝̻̬̿̈́Ǐ̶͖̹͈̫͙̀͛̀̆͆͊̿͘̕͝Ṋ̸̨̨̗̰͖̳̝͉͑̏̀̀́̂͗͌̽̈G̸̢̰̟̜͎̪̬̞̲͔̘͍̋̆. not only is this one of my favorite angsts ever, nay! you just posted self promo bait!!! i have a whole ass fic about it (link). and you know what the worst part is???? im gonna make a huge ass answer to your question anyway!!!! do you understand how naive you were now??? do you have any idea what you have unleashed?????

ok ok ok ok ok ok ok ok. so i think the saddest part about this is magnus' assumption that like... if he isn't useful, he isn't desirable. which we know is 100% how magnus rolls (therapy-needing icon) and would particularly ring true in raphael's case because like... magnus took raphael in when raphael was at his lowest. their relationship was started off by the fact that raphael needed him. and that makes it even harder for magnus to shake that feeling off

like, don't misquote me, it's not raphael's fault and that is not how he sees magnus at all. and i don't think magnus singlehandedly saved raphael or whatever; raphael had to build his own network of ppl and resources to get over his addiction and get back on his feet and build himself back together, as anyone does. no one can carry a burden as big as singlehandedly taking care of any one person, nevermind one in the state rapha was in. but the fact remains: raphael and magnus met when raphael was at his lowest, and they built their relationship because magnus helped him

and magnus knows raphael's got this whole repentance thing going on, he knows that raphael feels like a monster and a burden and like his debt to magnus is unmeasurable. and that makes him second-guess everything about their relationship, imo, because like... raphael probably feels like he has to keep magnus company, he has to do as he says or whatever, because he has a debt

and to some extent it's nice that magnus is like... aware of that imbalance, which is inherent to that situation, but then i think it becomes pretty much... being convinced that raphael doesn't like him and only puts up with him because he has to since he owes magnus

and when magnus "adopted" rapha, magnus was at a particular fragile point. i'm pretty sure rapha was the first person magnus ever let into his life, fully, enough to really know him and his insecurities and his true self, after camille. his other friends - catarina, dot, ragnor, elias - all knew him from before. and we know how after camille magnus locked his heart; yes, he was referring to romantic relationships, but when you are constantly afraid of falling in love with someone in case they will abuse you, you can't fully build platonic relationships either, because there is that wall that is there, a certain level of intimacy that you won't allow yourself

and with that i don't mean that romantic relationships are inherently more intimate or deeper than platonic ones! i mean that to build any sort of intimate relationship, romantic or platonic, you need to be able to allow yourself to be vulnerable, and magnus was obviously not allowing himself that, because he was scared of being vulnerable after it was used so viciously against him the last time he opened up his heart

but magnus is still too caring of a person to leave someone in a state as bad as raphael's - no sire, battling addiction, alone in the streets, probably no knowledge of the shadow world (this is probably where i should add my mandatory disclaimer that i'm not following book canon and i don't care how it went there, i'm talking about the show), no clan, no family, basically no one - alone, so of course he's gonna bring him in for a night and feed him and try to find a way to help him

but then you add to that two facts: 1- magnus is hopelessly affection and touch-starved and desperately needs company; 2- there is not many places raphael can actually go to

so of course magnus lets raphael stay. and it's for his own sake as much as it is for his, because again, magnus is starved, and he is at a point of his recovery where he needs to let people in, even if it's slowly and in a relatively safe situation - like, what can raphael do to hurt him? okay, there's a few things, but still. it's just easier to let yourself be vulnerable when the person you're allowing to see it is someone you've seen equally as or even more vulnerable. especially if they have no connections to people you know, as it is in rapha's case

PLUS, he empathises. i've said it before and i'll say it again, raphael and magnus have so much in common. from background (immigrants, brown, downworlders, one is bi the other is ace which are two groups known for their ties and solidarity with each other, trans if you go by my headcanons which i will because this is my blog and i do what i want) to coping mechanisms (both clearly deal with their problems on their own and try to avoid letting other people help them as much as they can, even if in very different ways - magnus creates a persona so he can be surrounded by people and not let them in too close whereas raphael doesn't let them get close from the get-go), to some of their personal psychological issues (this unbearable responsibility they carry on their shoulders, like everything and everyone is dependant on them and it is on them personally to help everyone they find: see raphael and how involved he got with simon and the way he talked about the other vampires/the clan even before he became clan leader, and magnus and Literally Everyone That Came Into His Path; the feelings of monstrosity they both feel due to their downworlder status and their past; the guilt; the self sacrificial/giving til it hurts tendencies; etc), to a few personality traits (similar sense of humor, both natural leaders, both pretty bold in their own ways; they also have many differences in personality but they are quite compatible/similar in other ways as well).... i could go on. i'm not saying they are Literally The Same Character (that'd be bad writing anyway, and there are notable differences such as raphael being way more recluse than magnus, their different moral codes, etc.) but there is a lot in common, which results in a nice dynamic in which:

they have fun with each other (think "because you're totally unbiased"; that was clearly a tease, neither of them were really upset by it, raphael looked at magnus expectantly like he expected magnus to laugh and magnus just glared at him in a clearly playful way)

they care for each other deeply (think every interaction we got between them or that included them talking about each other to a third person lmao i think this one is undeniable)

they trust each other incredibly (think raphael being tortured and going to magnus before he went to his own clan, then staying at his house, he obviously feels comfortable and safe there more than anywhere else including his own supposed home; and i wish we had gotten to see more of raphael taking care of magnus as well but of course the writers always forgot magnus had friends and family beyond shadowhunters lmao, but still, i think it's undeniable that the trust goes both ways because of the sheer difference in the way magnus treated raphael as opposed to other people who came for his help, including downworlders like simon)

they are openly affectionate with each other in a way they aren't with most people (think them hugging or the way magnus casually touched raphael's face like it was perfectly normal. that is like, the only s3 raphael scene i claim lmao)

hmmm where was i going with this. man i should really get checked for ADHD or whatever

RIGHT they built a nice relationship. which magnus craved!!! he really really needed someone he could be affectionate with, someone he could trust, someone he had fun with! and again, it's not that he didn't have that, but it was the first time he was building a relationship like this again from scratch after camille. plus, i'm sure camille pushed him away from his friends because that's what abusers do, and i'm sure magnus also pushed them away to some extent because again, being vulnerable was hard. but with raphael there was no escaping it. like, he was living at magnus' house

and he needed that! and i think raphael and their relationship had such an important catalyst role in magnus' recovery from camille. not that raphael saved him - again, that's not even possible - but the way their relationship was constructed was essential for magnus to start opening up again. without it i really doubt it would have been possible for him to open up to alec, and i think their relationship and history is extremely overlooked and underrated by the fandom

but like... the fact that he was in such a vulnerable emotional state to begin with, plus the fact that their relationship was kickstarted by the fact that raphael needed him, will obviously lead to him thinking that raphael only puts up with him or whatever because he needs him/feels indebted (because magnus knows at this point that raphael is not the kind to use people, but he also knows that raphael already acts like his mere presence in the world is something he has to make up for it's the catholicism so of course he's gonna feel like he needs to make up for magnus for such a huge gesture. anyone who's not an asshole would, but like, particularly raphael). cue magnus like, probably feeling guilty for getting so attached to raphael because he's an idiot

and like of course raphael feels indebted and grateful but he also does genuinely in fact like magnus (for all the reasons listed above) and also like, he did in fact also need more connections, he had just lost all of his previous ones. but most importantly he does care for magnus and loves him immensely even beyond all that magnus did for him. and he does see magnus as a person and knows about his struggles and vulnerabilities because it's impossible not to when you live/have lived together, and he just... cares and empathises

but also raphael obviously thinks he's a burden to magnus because duh, and i don't think magnus ever really told raphael how much taking raphael in helped him, how much it meant to him and his recovery, how he was doing it for himself as much as he was doing it for rapha, because 1- he's scared of being so open and vulnerable; 2- he's scared of making raphael feel even more guilty; 3- he's stupid and i think part of him assumed it went without saying

like he was always so openly affectionate with raphael (maybe even too much in his eyes, maybe he was scared of being too attached, putting too much on his shoulders, it's not this traumatized kid's job to deal with his issues for fuck's sake) and magnus has always worn his heart in his sleeve and he feels everything so deeply i think he sometimes forgets that it's not actually plain for everyone to see and feel. particularly not non-warlocks, since it's kinda implied that warlocks have some level of sensitivity to each other going on. plus raphael is autistic af so he can't tell what magnus is feeling if magnus doesn't fucking say it, and he has a terminally low self esteem that i assume would be even lower by that point (due to, you know... the general shitshow state his life was in), so of course he doesn't assume he's as important to magnus as magnus is to him, particularly not when he is literally burdening him (in raphael's eyes). so he thinks it's obvious but it's Really Not

so we have like a lot of misunderstanding angst with both of them wanting to get closer but thinking they are imposing on the other and pulling away, and both of them taking the other pulling away as a sign that they aren't comfortable and aaaa

so like i think that rapha would mention moving out so he can get out of magnus' hair, and magnus is all crestfallen because he's so not ready to be alone at home again, but he can't be selfish and hold the kid back just because he has shit he needs to deal with, right? it's not fair

and then like lowkey spiralling afraid that after that he's going to be alone again and raphael won't want to see him anymore, or worse, that he'll force himself to out of pity or guilt, and magnus will just be a chore to him

and raphael feeling like magnus wants to get rid of him and will want him out of his hair and aaaaaaaaaaa

and magnus of course is all put together and excited about it, "yes, my boy, don't worry, i'll help you move" and playfully tilting his head and being all excited and getting into chop-chop mode because as long as he can make himself useful he can avoid thinking about how he's gonna be alone again. and rapha of course taking this as magnus being eager for him to leave

and just doijasiodjasoij they're IDIOTS. i think this would be more or less resolved by raphael because at the very least he has to thank magnus for everything he's done and tell magnus that he means so much to him, that he'll always be thankful. and magnus again is all put together, all "it was nothing, my boy" but rapha pulls him into a hug and suddenly they are Not Letting Each Other Go. like it's tight and maybe they're both shaking a little because Badly Repressed Emotions and they're just. so unwilling to let each other go for what they feel like will be forever because they are sad and dramatic. and raphael even wonders for a second if he's like, super strengthing magnus into the hug by accident, but even when he tries to let go magnus doesn't even notice and is still hugging him tight, so he's like. okay. guess i can stay for a little longer then. and keeps hugging him

and lol i have half a mind to be like "and then raphael ends up staying because neither of them actually wants raphael to leave so what's the point" and actually i think i might be going this route for this particular hc. but of course eventually raphael does leave because you know... kids grow up and all daihdsaioj and i think that they still have some things to resolve, particularly from magnus' side? i think raphael is more in touch with him than the other way around, even if mostly we've seen him coming to magnus for help, but like... that trust is there, you know, and we didn't see a lot of the opposite

i know s3 raphael was fake anyway but like i imagine him finding out that magnus lost his magic and he had no idea or that he lost his home and being like "why didn't you ask for my help?? our help??" because you know all his other friends would have wanted to help him out too, and magnus is just. he doesn't want to be a burden. he feels like if he is, he's going to lose anyone. he needs to be there for them

and it's so much bullshit of course and raphael is pissed - not at magnus, he couldn't be mad at him, but just pissed in general. and he draws magnus in for a hug and tells him that he can always come to raphael, whenever he needs, and raphael will drop everything to help him. the clan is doing okay (especially post-valentine and impending doom and all, you know, they can take care of themselves lmao. like look of course raphael is a very involved leader but you get what i mean, they won't die if he goes help magnus with something) and he has second-in-commands he trusts anyway. and he doesn't want magnus to hide his problems for him and not come for his help and aaa

just.... rapha being like "you think i wouldn't do anything i could for you? anything to make sure you're alright?" and magnus being like "you don't have to" and raphael going, "you didn't have to do it for me either. but you did" "you don't owe me anything" "i do, but this is not about that. magnus, you're my family" and magnus tearing up because it is so immense to him to be someone's family, something he almost can't grasp

and magnus slowly learning that no, raphael doesn't need him, but that's not important because he wants magnus in his life anyway. and they can always rely on each other, no matter what, even if they aren't dependant on each other - and that is a good thing :)

#shadowhunters #sh #raphael santiago #magnus bane #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them #ask #anonymous #meta #raphael santiago meta #magnus bane meta #q #anti cc #anti tsc #anti tmi #long post

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aliwept · 5 years

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WARNING : MASSIVE TOKOYAMI HC DUMP AHEAD ! part one of ..... many sldkfjds i gotta transfer a lot from old blogs

triggers: body talk, religions mentions, mentions of binding, self hatred and transitioning.

BELIEFS / MOTIVATION:

tokoyami looks at becoming a hero the “wrong” way — or rather, in a way that cripples his success.he doesn’t want to become a hero in and of itself, but to help as many people as he can.

this is usually a good thing, but it is motivated by his extreme guilt and self doubt rather than pure desire, believing that that is the only way to pay for his “sins.” (i.e., the destruction or potential destruction his quirk as/could cause(d).)

he holds himself up to an extremely high standard, (it is impossible to have a totally “pure” motivation,) one of being perfect and disciplined in every way, but he consistently fails to reach that (as any human being would), making it so that he falls deeper into a circle of self-doubt and pity.

he also tends to idealize his friends for their faults, and when those difficult traits show up he gets extremely bothered, then angry at himself for his idealization, then angry for bothering them, & it escalates until he’s simply angry at himself for being what he believes to be a burden.

this is an extremely deeply rooted process, one that even daily actions contribute to, & while the source isn’t completely his parents, it is certainly reinforced by his mother’s abuse & his guilt relating to his father’s death.

PHYSICAL:

he’s not particularly muscled — well, compared to his more muscular classmates. most of his muscle is in his legs & stomach. he does not have a particular training regimen, typically unmotivated unless prompted.

unlike the majority of his classmates, because a lot of his fighting is done with dark shadow moving him (so that it’s harder to predict movements, as well as going from a large range), the majority of the time he’s not challenged physically.

against close attacks, both attacking which he uses his sword for (seen in his dorm room), when allowed. he inherited that sword from his father after his death. he also feels fatigue easily, not so much due to muscles but because of his exhaustion that is his “normal” state, given that dark shadow is nocturnal. (this & his low work ethic. he works a lot harder when training with friends.)

he doesn’t feel the need to bind more than not, given his skinny physique, with his hips being only a little bit wider than the average cis man’s.most of his scars are on his arms, self inflicted from his talons cutting into his skin. parts of his skin are covered in a gel like skin, clear to see the feathers that poke out from them, going much like arm hair down his sides. these are mostly around his shoulders.

most of the feather is underneath skin (though the skin & the feather both have no nerves), visible with the skin being mostly clear (no muscles adding color, only the natural dark pigment) with the rest of the feaher poking out at a low angle to his arm.

HABITS:

he has a diary that he writes in religiously. it’s kept in a hat box under his bed when he returns to the dorm, along with a collection he’s had since he had been able to write.

at times, in nostalgia, he’ll read through his earlier books. he also tends to doodle his classmates in them ! he’s an incredibly private person — especially because his mother ignored his privacy, refusing to let him keep secrets of any kind in ‘fear that he was hiding something’ — but also enjoys putting his thoughts into words.

PAST:

tokoyami was bullied due to his appearance / personality. for someone who was already uncomfortable with his body (not knowing what being trans was at that point) this became the root of deep insecurity regarding his appearance, whether it was as simple as hesitation.

he is autistic !! he stims a lot with his hands, though usually it’s in his hoodie / under his cloak, because he’s very self conscious about it. he also has adhd: inattentive type, bpd, depression & anxiety!

fantasy verse: he’s a witch & i will fight you on this fact. my boy loves the occult. he’s also. in generally he tends to be superstitious, & more than that enjoys different rituals! it probably won’t show up in my rp cause i honestly don’t know much about that type of thing but ! he absolutely adores things like that, not necessarily because he fully believes them but because they’re interesting & he believes that they probably stem if only in part from fact.

now im gonna add some notes here. while he is obviously pretty strong, he has problems with control, considering that not only does he have to react, he has to communicate those thoughts with dark shadow. speed / offense / defense obviously are enhanced w dark shadow, as well as his own abilities (he would still be able to hold his own if he couldn’t use his quirk).

as well, a lot of his stats are basically his stats + dark shadow, which obv makes them higher than they otherwise would be. he also has really high stamina and working out for a long time doesn’t really. make him tired, nor dark shadow, because dark shadow doesn’t get tired & he’s not the one doing a lot of the actual physical stuff. he’s not good w weapons tho in general. note that these are basically during the daytime w/o a huge light source so things change when it’s darker/lighter.

parents: tokoyami’s mother had the ability to call spirits of the dead to her and talk to them, & his father’s was to house things, as in objects, so he cld like. store things inside of his body. it’s real wild.

a quirk that combined with another in tokoyami’s lineage, so one of his ancestors had the ability to shapeshift, specifically with birds & banged w someone who has a quirk similar to aizawa’s, where it basically ‘stills’ the action of .someone’s quirk, if that makes sense? so down the line people wld inherit a birds’ features, but it would switch. in his dad’s case, he got a raptors ‘arms’ & eyes.

i am here to inform you that not only is he really short, he’s also chubby! espcially as a child. while he now has muscle! :tm: ive made earlier posts about how he doesn’t have a good. regimen & shit so. yeah. just like deku, while he may be muscled, (though he’s less muscled than. most of his classmates) he still is v chubby on other parts of his body.

also ! he’s trans & he has. a large bust, which he does not bind most of the time due to fear of asphyxiation. being demiboy, he is bothered at it at times, but dislikes tight clothes as a whole (like binders). this is because he is easily overstimulated by excessive contact with his body, causing sensory overload.the exception is his neck, which his choker is a source of comfort. (though, warning, there are scars underneath that the large choker hides!)

tokoyami. will say/do something & then become embarrassed by it, after the act has already been done. he’ll fuckin melt on the spot.

tokoyami is absolutely someone to leave ppl on read. or respond w several paragraphs w ‘K.’ like. that’s just how it is. he’s lowkey an asshole in that way but he just. he has to think a lot before having a response but he gets distracted & just leaves it.

he has dark fucking brown skin !!!!! people who draw tokoyami w light skin cause he’s a ‘pale goth uwu !!!!’ are weak & will be weeded out by natural selection.

people he trains with most are ,,, mostly kirishima, kaminari, aoyama and momo when they’re available

he’s mix of japanese, native american, and indian!

self knowledge questions: neediness, independence, shyness.

NEEDINESS: being affirmed & nurtured by others is a central requirement for you to feel safe. this means you can be slow to warm up to other people, which is difficult because what you most need from them is their warmth. yet you know how to be vulnerable: to let down your defenses and accept that you need another person. this lack of pretense is a valuable trait, and ultimately more endearing than the macho efforts others make to deny their childlike sides.

INDEPENDENCE: you don’t set out to be different for its own sake; you are more easily guided by what interests & moves you. you are more concerned about what is right for you than about the pressure to fit in. you know the value of selective irresponsibility, of forgetting occasionally about being ‘good’.

SHYNESS: part of you is gripped by the fear that you’ll launch into something and completely mess it up. the upside of this is wise caution: people are indeed often too rash, whereas you know, by instinct, that holding back can save you. probably, you feel shame and self-disgust a bit too much. but when you do feel in your element, you act with a wisdom and sensitivity never found in people with thicker skins.

there’s an au where he’s tamaki’s half brother tamakis hmu

more ramblings cause i lov him so anw. i figure that like. if he had to have a motivator it would be an outside force but basically he’s riding on the fact that he has more physical ability because he doesn’t perform very well in studies. ( bird brain …… )

getting 14th place out of the class on midterms, he’s aware that he’s not motivated & as well as his migraines & other mental illnesses ( adhd, executive dysfunction, etc. ) this means that he doesn’t really reach his “full potential.”

he’s aware of this, though, which causes him to train physically. physically training also allows him to ( a ) feel proud of himself, something that he struggles with ( b ) help him generally, esp with dysphoria ( c ) get his mind off of other things / points of stress.

i still don’t think he’s like. as buff as shouji for example, though part of that is that he’s naturally lean ! & he has trouble motivating himself sometimes but when he stays up late ( due to dark shadow ) it basically wrecks his sleeping patterns, so this gives him something beneficial to do while also exhausting himself, which he hopes will help him fall asleep.

like i know that i said that . . he was skinny / not v muscled ( when compared to his buffer classmates, rather ) but i guess i’ve been proven wrong because it took both Buff McFuck mina and hagakure 2 push him out of the way ( not tht it took that long but that was w them straining / time skips )

so @ this point i Just Don’t Know. he got 9 in the practical which means he’s obv like ?? p good but that was the entrance exam. ( he got 10 rescue my baby !!!! im so proud of him ) & then w aizawa’s exams he started off at 5 & im tryna find the other thing what it ended up as but @ this point i’m just , pretty divided cause i’m not seeing much reason for him to learn to train w/o proper training ( & we kno that he’s not someone who was trained specially like todoroki / momo tho tht doesnt mean it’s not possible & at this point im just ) ya. he’s gotta be able but from what we know he’s not v motivated ? ausdjkfdsfjk we’ll see ig.

tokoyami is a mix of shinto (where his hero epithet comes from), taoist (due to the values), & hindu (again, values). i think for now it’s going to be some mix of that, though i’m going to do some research on shinto values since i don’t know much about it !!!!!

generally, he’s pretty superstitious, just because he knows many myths are based on facts, & the idea of ‘it doesn’t hurt to watch out for them.’ he prefers to avoid possible things that would make him have bad luck.

#dont rb or i manifest in your house n kill you /

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themalhambird · 6 years

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Richard/Aumerle for the "send me a ship" meme :D

Who s physically stronger?Aumerle. Richard is faster though.

Who is more likely to break a bone?Between the “fight me” reaction to everything and a certain amount of natural clumsiness, Aumerle.

Who knows best what to say to upset the other?Aumerle, actually. If Richard says something horrible to Aumerle he’s more likely to be lashing out because he’s upset with someone else, so it wont have been specifically calculated to hurt. Wheras Aumerle knows all of Richard’s weaknesses and insecurities and could shatter him with a single sentence. He wont though.

Who is more likely to hurt the other?Richard- see aforementioned lashing out. One one level Aumerle accepts Richard isnt mad at him and doesnt mean it, but that doesnt always mean he can shrug off what’s said.

Who is emotionally stronger.?Richard breaks down more quickly, but finds it easier to pull himself together and mask his distress even if he doesnt move past it. Aumerle can cope with more but once he snaps it takes a while to pick up the peices.

Who is more likely to apologize first after an argument?Richard. Mainly because Richard is more likely to have started it and Aumerle is very firm about not apologizing when it’s Richard who’s in the wrong. He’s perfected the art of giving the king of England the cold shoulder without breaching ettiquette- vanishing behind a wall of formality is will normally win him an apology within 48 hours.

Who treats who’s wounds more often?That’s what the royal physician is for. Richard hovers more though- Aumerle will stay out of the way while the doctor’s working unless asked to do otherwise.

Who is in constant need of comfort?Richard. He tries not to dump it all on Aumerle, but there’s only so many people he feels he can be open and honest and vulnerable with and….Aumerle is pretty much all of them. He might find Isabelle if he’s just generally sad or tired and hope for a distraction, and he has Carlisle for more spiritual matters, but apart from that it’s only Edward- which can be pretty draining on Aumerle at times.

Who gets more jealous?Richard, actually. Aumerle is prety much resigned to the face that loving Richard means sharing him; Richard, oth, makes it very clear that Aumerle is HIS and York’s suggestion that maybe its really time for Edward to marry is not welcome through the power of the Plantagenet Glare. (Though if Edward did happen to fall in love with someone else, Richard would support him fully)

Who’s more likely to walk out on the other?Etttiquette prevents Aumerle leaving without permission, and Richard will never relinquish his right to be in whichever room of his palace he pleases to be in so he wouldnt leave because of an argument. He might order Aumerle out, whether Ned obeys or tells him to call the guards to drag him out depends on whetger he thinks Richard is more likely to calm down or get worse if left tk his own devices.

Who will propose?In canon-era they cant marry so the question’s mute, though Richard probably slios a ring on Aumerle’s finger one night while they’re lying in bed together in a sort of symbolic gesture

In a modern au where Richard and Anne never met, Edward proposes, quite possibly at a completely random moment where he was watching Richard do something adorable like Swear Vengence Upon The Heads Of His Enemies, think “I’m going to marry that idiot” and say “marry me” almost at once. If Richard had lost Anne, though, Ned would be a lot more cautious about proposing so it would probably be left to Richard accidentally introducing Edward as his husband because that’s how he’s come to see him, having a complete freak out when he realises what he’s done including a guilt trip about being disloyal to Anne’s memory and probably ends with Edward holding Richard while they come to an agreement that they will get married, but they’ll hold off on even thinking about planning any arrangements until Richard is ready and proposes properly.

Who has the most difficult parents?That’s another

one which depends on au- in canon Richard's parents are dead and even if they weren't, Edmund Duke of Execute My Son For Treason He's Probably A Bastard Anyway wpuld have them beat. In everyone lives and Richard keeps adopting random kids au oth, I can see Edward being more difficult because he loves his son, is painfully aware Gaunt and Gloucester would happily trample on him to get to power ( Richard's relationship with his older brother the prince of wales is a little strained) and can remember all to well what happened to his grandfather. So he'd probabky attempt to split them up, at least until Joan swats him over the head and tells him to leave them alone, they're sweet together, and York points out that Sending Aumerle away will be seen as confirmation of the affair which could make matters worse.Who initiates hand holding in public?The King of England does not hold hands, and Aumerle needs his free in case he needs to tear a glove off and fling it in someone's face. Aumerle will sometimes give Richard's arm a light touch meaning calm the fuck down you moron.Who comes up for the other all the time?They both move heaven and earth for each other, as far as they're able. Richard is aware he's not the easiest lover and tries to make up for it by granting any request Edward might make of him.Who gets more sad? Richard, especially on dates conjected with Anne-her death, of course, but also her funeral, her birthday, and their anniversary. Other times depression just kicks in for no obvious reason. Aumerle is very firm on those days- Richard had to get out of bed, break his fast, and go for a walk I the gardens if the weather's good, or o the battlements if its not. If he doesnt feel up to anything more than that, they can go back to bed, but generally Richard carries on with the day once he's been made to start it.Who' better at cheering the other up?Aumerle. Richard panics when Aumerle's upset and fumbles around trying to work out what to do, not realising that all Aumerle wants is to be held by him and have a sympathetic ear. He's learning, though- once Aumerle tells him thats the best thing he can do he does it, and he prioritizes it over everything else.Who's the one who playfully slaps the other for silly jokes.Neither. Richard used to roll his eyes and threaten Aumerle with banishment for assulting his ears, but stopped when he exiled Bolingbroke for real.Who is more streetwise/wise Neither, they're both useless. Next?Who's the shyest?Aumerle. It isnt too obvious, but he gets very nervous at social events and he replays every interaction in his head a million times, over analysing it and convincing himself he messed up. Richard takes care to murmer some variation of "youre doing really well im so proud of you" to him at some point during the evening, and has a standing arrangement with Bolingbroke that Henry will keep an eye on Ned and go rescue him if he needs to- its been in place ever since Ned first came to court and Henry actually sticks to it even more rigidly now its become clear that his cousins' bedsharing is no longer platonic. the way henry sees it The only person allowed to be mean to his baby cousin is him.Who boasts about the other more?...they dont actually tend to boast about each other? Defend each other to the death if the occasion arises, sure, but Richard would rather they be an open secret than open knowledge, it seems...safer, after how badly things went wrong with Robert, who Richard would enthuse about to anybody who would listen.Who sits in who's lap.Richard sits on Aumerle's. Its not the easiest of manouvers because Richard's ridiculously long limbs get in the way, but if he's feeling particularly tired he'll climb on to Aumerle's lap and nestle his head beneath Aumerle's chin in the hopes of getting his hair stroked.Ll

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