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anna-justice · 3 years

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Superman - Upstead

Summary: Jay and Hailey are a part of an officer involved shooting, the aftermath puts Hailey in a very dangerous situation, causing her and Jay’s lives to be at risk. (Pre-Established Upstead)

Warnings: violence, mentions of blood & gore, swearing, angst, over-protective Jay

Requested: Yes! #71, “Get away from him/her!” & #74, “He’s/She’s not yours.”

…

“5021 George, we are in pursuit of the offender on foot. The offender is armed, all units advised. Send back up to the corner of Garden and North Malcom.” Jay said into his radio as he and Hailey raced down an alleyway. They were in a nicer part of town, the streets were more open and Jay could see an open field at the end. “Hailey, I’m gonna cut him off.” Jay called out to his partner, before darting out of the opening. He beat them to the end, taking off as the offender exited the alleyway.

Jay sprinted towards the large man, tackling him to the ground. He knew he had a gun, but it was his only choice. They rolled across the grass, Jay immediately trying to get the upper hand. Hailey caught up, drawing her weapon. “Chicago P.D. Stand down!” She shouted from yards away.

The offender was restless, flipping them so that Jay was pinned underneath. Jay kicked him in the groin and knocked the gun out of his hand. Neither of the men had noticed Hailey’s presence, and when Jay reached behind him to grab the gun, the man punched square in the jaw, disorienting him. The man smiled, standing and grabbing his gun, pointing it at Jay.

There was a loud pop, followed by a thud. Jay sat up immediately, seeing his partner with her gun raised. “You good?” She called out, racing towards him.

“Yeah.” Jay said, jumping up and kicking the gun away. He wiped the blood from his nose as he checked the guys pulse, he was gone.

Hailey sighed as she reached her partner, “That was stupid.” She said sternly.

Jay nodded, “Yeah, I know.” He looked her in the eye, holding their gaze, almost like a silent apology for scaring her like that. They were interrupted by the sounds of sirens. Patrol had made it to the scene. Pretty soon the field was flooded with officers and crime techs.

“What happened?” Voight asked, finally arriving on scene.

Hailey shrugged, “He ran as soon as we knocked on the door, Jay tackled him, he had a gun. It was us or him.” She explained. Jay nodded, backing her up.

Voight gave them a short nod, “Well, I guess that’s justice. Let’s head back, we’re back to square one.” The two nodded, bidding him goodbye and walking back to their rig.

They had been working the case a few days, it was a quadruple rape and homicide. The offender they were chasing was Jason Forbes, they knew he was one of them abusers because his DNA was found on all four victims, but now they were looking for his partner.

Jay jumped in the driver's seat of the truck, Hailey following suit on the other side. “Thanks,” He said, once they were settled. “For earlier…”

“Yeah, Of course.” Hailey said, smiling at him. “You're my partner, I’ve always got your back.”

…

It was a long day full of almost no leads, it was like the trail died with Jason. There wasn’t even anything to chase down. All they had was everything they knew above Jason, and no one he knew met any of the criteria they were looking for. No one looked good.

Eventually, Voight told them to all go home and get some rest. Hailey suggested getting a drink, Jay didn’t do well cases involving children, especially rape cases. Plus, she knew he was beating himself up over his attempted arrest earlier. They agreed to meet at the pub a few blocks away from Hailey’s apartment. It had become their own personal Molly’s.

They sat at a high table near the back, the only thing it was near was the old fashioned jukebox, that they were both sure didn’t work. “How’s your nose?” Hailey asked, taking a sip of her beer.

Jay chuckled, “Fine, thanks.”

Hailey put her hands up in surrender, “I’m being serious, he hit you pretty hard.” She was trying to hide her genuine concern behind the humor, cause she couldn’t get the image of that man standing over him with a gun out of her head.

“I’m a little sore.” Jay admitted, sighing. “But, I’m fine. Thanks to you.” He smiled softly, making direct eye contact yet again.

Hailey shook her head, averting her gaze. “You’re acting like I took a bullet for you.”

Jay shrugged, “Close enough.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, neither of them really knew what to say. There was a cloud looming over the table. It wasn’t lost on Hailey that if she had been just 10 seconds later, Jay might be dead. And Jay knew how close he came to death today, just because he overestimated his own abilities. They came close to losing each other, but wasn’t that the job? It wasn’t a new thing, but it felt different.

About an hour later, they walked out of the bar. Heading towards the parking lot to their separate cars. Jay walked a little behind her, he wasn’t ready to part ways yet, but he didn’t know how else to make her stay with him. “Hailey-” He started, but something caught his eye.

“Yeah?” She asked, turning around.

A car passing on the street slowed slightly, the back seat window rolled down and Jay saw the tip of a long gun. “Hailey, get down!” He shouted, sprinting and tackling her to the ground. Bullet after bullet hit the brick wall behind them as Jay used his entire body to shield her from the fire. When the assault finally stopped, they both waited a few seconds before sitting up. Jay grabbed Hailey’s shoulders, scanning her body. “Are you okay? Are you hit?”

He subconsciously placed a hand on her cheek, running his thumb over the pavement burn just above her jawline. Hailey placed her hand over his, “I-I’m fine. Are you okay? What the hell just happened?” She asked, taking his hand as he helped her stand.

“I-I don’t know. I saw the gun and-” Hailey cut him off by launching herself into his arms, wrapping hers tightly around him. Jay hugged her back immediately, holding her close. She was shaking, Jay combed his fingers through her hair. “Hey, it’s okay. We're okay.” They stood there, wrapped up in each other for a few minutes before a patrol car rolled up.

“We got a call of shots fired?” The guy asked, stepping out of the car.

Jay pulled up the bottom of his shirt, showing the officer his badge. “Yeah, a black SUV rolled by and just started shooting, I couldn’t get plates.”

While Jay talked to patrol, Hailey looked around, finding a set of security cameras. “Hey Jay!” She called out, she got his attention immediately. “We should check with the owner and see if these work.” She said, pointing up at them.

Jay nodded, “You guys call for backup, I’m gonna go talk to the owner and call my sergeant.” He ordered, clicking on Voight’s contact information. It was going to be a long night.

…

“Matthew Zimmerman.” Kim said, taping his picture to the board. “That’s who the car is registered to. Now, there is no obvious connection between him and Jason Forbes other than them being in the same facebook chat room.”

Kevin turns his computer screen so that they can all gather behind it. “We didn’t find it before, because somehow Jason was able to make it unassessable on all his devices. It’s called the Misunderstood Brotherhood, and it is an invitation only, unmarked room. So you can only get in with a code from an invite.”

Kim continued, “We searched through all of the members and there are near 75 in the Chicago area, many of which are registered sex offenders or have previous allegations against them.”

“So, it’s a bragging ground for rapists?” Jay snapped, leaning on Hailey’s desk and crossing his arms.

“Sort of.” Kim said.

“Most of the messages are pretty disturbing, they talk about urges and possible intent, but they are smart. There is nothing specifically incriminating, well, except for this.” Kevin scrolled through the chat, stopping so they could all read the bolded message. “This was posted yesterday afternoon.”

This morning, one of our brothers, Jason forbes, was shot and killed by Hailey Upton. A Detective in the Intelligence Unit out of the 21st district, badge #55055. We will not stand for this and we must avenge his death. The brotherhood will award a $100,000 reward to anyone who can eliminate the officer as a threat. Do us proud.

Hailey gasped, taking a step back. Her back hit her partner’s side, who instinctively wrapped a protective arm around her waist. “Holy shit.” Adam said.

“So last night, that was a hit?” Hailey asked shakily.

Kim nodded, “It looks like it, and we can assume at least 200 other people have seen this message.”

Voight took over from there. “Alright, we need to get Hailey to a safe house. Halstead, you’ll go with her. I’m gonna call the ivory tower, they are gonna want to be in the loop.”

As soon as Voight shut the door to his office, Adam stood. “Maybe I should go with Hailey.”

Jay scoffed, “What?”

“I’m just saying, your head doesn’t really seem in the game.” Adam snapped, Jay’s arm wrapped around Hailey catching his attention.

“Do I need to talk to you?” Jay asked, his jaw clenched.

“Jay-”

Jay took a step forward, “Where the hell do you get off?” Jay asked, seething. “She’s my partner.”

“She’s not yours, Jay.” Adam said, getting in Jay’s face.

Hailey stepped forward, holding her hand up to Adam. “I’m not anyone’s,” She snapped. Jay took it as a chance to step back, the last thing he wanted to do was piss Hailey off. Hailey glared at Adam, shaking her head. She didn’t understand why he was causing such a scene. She turned to Jay, “Let’s get our stuff.” She stormed off to the locker room, Jay hot on her tail. She turned around exasperated when she entered the room, Jay cracked the door behind them. “What the hell was that?” She whisper yelled.

“I’m sorry-”

Hailey cut him off, “I won’t be the prize you two sword fight over. That was incredibly embarrassing, if Voight had been out there, there would be hell to pay.”

Jay slouched in defeat. “I know, I’m sorry. He just makes me so mad sometimes.”

“Jay.” She said, “Do you really think I would have let Adam come with me over you?”

Jay sighed, “No.”

Hailey stuck her arms out at her sides, emphasizing his statement. “Thank you.” She collapsed onto the bench behind her, running a hand through her hair. Jay cautiously walked toward her, sitting down about a foot away and leaning on his hands. Her fast mood changed, scaring him a bit. Hailey sighed, running her hands over her face. “There’s a bounty on my head.”

Jay shifted a little closer to her, letting his hand rest on her back. “We’ll get through it.”

Hailey looked up at him, something about the way he said we made her heart skip a beat. Before she could say anything, the door swung open and revealed Kevin. “Hey, you guys ready to go?”

Hailey jumped up immediately, sniffling. “Yeah, let’s go.”

…

Three unmarked cars and a safety evaluation later, Hailey found herself sitting on a not so comfortable couch. For their own safety, neither of them knew quite where they were. There were alarms on all the windows and doors, so if someone tried to break in the team sitting in the house would immediately be alerted.

Jay was pacing, his hands on his hips. Hailey huffed, “Are you gonna do that all night?” She asked.

“Maybe.” He deadpanned.

Hailey rolled her eyes, “Can you please just come sit down.” She asked.

Jay sighed, admitting defeat and sitting on the other side of the couch. “Better?”

Hailey smiled, “Much.”

They sat in silence for a while, deciding to turn on the TV in front of them, not that there was anything good on. Jay snuck glances at his partner, even though he had been seeing more and more of it lately, it was nice to see her so casual. She had on leggings and a sweatshirt, her blonde hair falling over her shoulders. Her sock covered feet pulled up on the couch and tucked under her as she watched the screen absently. Jay watched the way the colors danced over her face in the dark room, smiling softly. He swore she got more beautiful everyday.

Hailey looked over at him, blushing slightly when she found his gaze already on her. “What?”

Jay coughed, “Nothing.” He could see the gears in her head turning from across the couch. “What are you thinking about?” He asked.

“Eh, I don’t know,” Hailey shrugged, smiling weakly at him. “That we’re even now.”

Jay chuckled, “Yeah, I guess we are.”

“I-” Hailey started, “I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been there.” She looked down at her hands, feeling her eyes well up. “I know we put our lives on the line everyday, but…” Jay held his breath, her heart aching for her. “I could’ve died last night. I could have died last night, and you could’ve too, and that would have been my fault.”

“Hailey-”

“No Jay,” She said, looking at him with teary eyes. “You can’t talk yourself out of this one. You put yourself between me and a gunman and I just, I don’t understand.”

Jay shifted, moving a little closer to her. “Hailey. I will never not protect you.”

Hailey sucked in a breath, his gaze hot on her skin. They had never been quiet about trusting each other, they both knew they would follow the other anywhere, that at the end of the day, they would be there for each other. But this, this was new. Not to him, he had always protected her, but for the first time in a while Hailey got a glimpse at how much she really meant to him. “I, uh, It’s getting late.” She rushed out, looking at her hands again. “We should get some sleep.” She stood, glancing back at him.

“Uh, I’ll take the couch, you take the bed.” He busied himself gathering pillows from the other chairs and grabbing the throw blanket off the back, trying not to think about Hailey’s complete dismissal of his previous statement.

“Jay.” She said, and his head snapped up. “Are you really going to make me sleep alone tonight?” It was forward, she would admit. But the thought of sleeping alone in some random house while people were literally racing to kill her, wasn’t so appealing.

He stood, shaking his head. “No.”

Hailey smiled, letting him follow her to the hotel-like bedroom. It was a big enough bed for two people, thankfully. Hailey pulled back the covers and climbed it, she hadn’t slept in over 48 hours and she was feeling it for sure. Jay climbed in cautiously, glad that he had a pair of sweatpants in his overnight bag and he didn’t have to sleep in his jeans. They laid on complete opposite sides of the bed facing each other. “Goodnight Jay.” Hailey said quietly.

“Goodnight Hailey.”

…

Jay woke up in the middle of the night, needing to pee. When he registered where he was, he noticed that he wasn’t alone. Hailey’s back was pressed against his chest and his arm was wrapped around her waist. He smiled to himself, careful not to wake her as he climbed out.

The bathroom light was blinding as he flipped it on, waking him all the way up, he noticed he had creases all over his arms from the blanket. Means it was a good sleep. He thought, grinning. Honestly, he was surprised he was sleeping so well, given the circumstances. He guessed he was more dependent on Hailey than he thought, she really did calm him.

He did his business quickly, itching to get back in bed and enjoy his partners embrace, even if it was for just one night. He was halfway back to the bedroom when he heard a loud crash. He took off running, and when he reached the bedroom, he saw a masked man standing in front of the broken window, staring a Hailey.

The man took a step forward, not noticing Jay’s presence. Hailey woke up confused, screaming for Jay when she saw the man. “Get away from her.” He yelled, charging forward. The man pulled a gun, but Jay kept going.

“Jay!” Hailey screamed again, thinking her partner was crazy.

Jay grabbed the gun, ripping it out of the guy's hand and punching square in the jaw. He tossed it on the bed, “The safety was on.” He said, getting on the top of the guy and flipping him on his stomach. Hailey jumped up and ran to her belt across the room, grabbing a pair of handcuffs and handing them to Jay. Jay cuffed the guy and pulled the mask off, revealing a younger man. Jay stood him up, “Let’s go in the kitchen, we don’t know if there are more coming.”

Hailey nodded, following behind him. She removed the rounds from the gun and placed it on the counter, watching Jay sit the guy down on the floor. A few minutes later there was commotion outside and the pair immediately raised their guns. “Chicago P.D!” Someone yelled and they both sighed, relaxing. The rescue team kicked the door in and was surprised to find the duo alive and well on the other side.

Jay picked the guy up off the ground and handed him over. “He came in through the bedroom window.” The detective nodded, hauling him out of the house.

As part of protocol, Jay and Hailey were both checked out by paramedics. They went over details with the detectives and their team, hopefully giving the information they needed to get ahead of and take down the brotherhood. Eventually they found themselves in the back of another unmarked car, Hailey leaning into Jay’s side, she was physically and emotionally exhausted, way too exhausted to worry about how things might look or come across.

Jay held her close to him, letting his thumb rub over the fabric of her sweatshirt. Hailey yawned, “You really have been playing superman today.” She said groggily.

“Yeah?” Jay asked, smirking.

“Yeah, you’re pretty good at it.” Hailey confessed, leaning further into him. “But don’t quit your day job.”

Jay smiled, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Wouldn’t dream of it. I couldn’t leave you stranded like that.”

Hailey smiled contently, “You better not, good partners are hard to find.”

“Yeah they are.” Jay agreed, hugging her closer. Good partners were hard to find.

…

A/N: This got so long, sorry! I really like it though, I haven’t written anything like it. Thank you so much for reading! <3

#jay halstead #hailey upton #upstead #upstead imagines #chicago pd #one chicago #chicago pd imagines

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where-theres-smoak-2 · 3 years

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This Needs To Stop.

Trigger warning: Sensitive topics, p*dopilia, grooming, mental health and r*cism.

Ok so this is a bit of a rant so apologies for that, I usually try to stay away from sensitive or controversial topics but this is something that I am passionate about and that I think is important. Also I just want to say that I am in no way directing this to the entirety of the M*lina fandom, I know most are just enjoying their ship, but there are those few who are deliberately seeking out darklina posts or are cross tagging and coming into darklina’s asks and just generally harassing the fandom which sadly I am seeing happen more and more often. Also I do feel like this can apply to all fandoms not just exclusively shadow and bone/ grishaverse, its just this is the one I am experiencing it in right now.

I’ve seen antis call darkling/darklina fans many problematic things, delusional, mentally ill, ab*se apologists. They also like throwing around words like grooming and p*dophile. The thing that makes me angry about this is that they are taking sensitive topics, topics that many users have been effected by and they are using them to attack shippers merely for liking a character or ship that they don’t. What is even more frustrating is they seem to be throwing these words around without evening fully understanding what they even mean. For example the claim that the Darkling is a p*dophile because Alina is only 17 in the books. Well p*dophilia is a psychiatric disorder where adults are attracted to children and in order for it to be classed as p*dophilia the child involved has to be 13 or younger. A 16 year old can be diagnosed as a p*dophile if they become attracted to a child that is five years or more younger than them. So the relationship between the Darkling and Alina does not meet the criteria to be categorised this way as Alina is over the age of 13. As for it being a case of Alina is underaged, well, for one that depends on where in the world you are. This is based on imperial russia, in russia the age of consent is 16. This means that a 16 year old can have a sexual relationship with a 30 year old, a 70 year old or a 500 year old immortal and in a court of law it is still legal, whatever your own moral issues around age gaps might be. Even then it can be argued that it is irrelevant because, as with most historical literature where young girls marry older men, you cannot put modern day concepts onto them. Like I said this story is based on Imperial Russia, the life expectancy of a person in that time was around 30 years old. That means a 15 year old girl is already half way through her life, she is literally middle aged. It is at this point usually that girls started to prepare to get married and have children and yes sometimes it was to an older man because men were expected to provide for their wife and family which means having a house and job and means to support a family which an older man was more likely to have. My point is a 15-17 year old in say Imperial Russia is not the same as a 15-17 year old in modern day therefore you can’t take modern day laws and morals and place them onto that situation, it doesn’t work, they lived completely different lives. In Alina’s world, she is at the age where girls might get married and her being courted by a man of the general’s status would have been a normal occurrence, for her to have caught the attention of someone with his standing would have been considered very advantageous for her. I mean she literally gets two marriage proposals in book 2, where I believe she is still 17, and Nikolai is talking about how if she marries him it’ll be in name only and they can make Mal her guard so she can do the horizontal tango with him whenever she feels like it, so clearly the characters themselves feel like Alina is at an age where she can, one get married, and two be engaging in a sexual relationship.

So why does all of this matter? Well it matters because people reading these posts, asks and comments left on posts, may be victims of p*dophilia and grooming. A lot of these comments don’t have trigger warnings and when you are talking about sensitive and triggering topics like this you need to be careful and when you are talking about them without even really understanding them, and where they can’t apply to the characters you are talking about anyway, then you are potentially triggering someone needlessly because you didn’t need to be talking about it in the first place, I hope I am making sense there. I am not saying don’t talk about these subjects if you do think they are relevant, I am saying make sure you do the research, that you understand the subject you are addressing and when you do talk about it do it in a respectful manner, don’t throw it out there in an angry spew accompanied by alot of other derogatory words because that won’t help anyone.

Another subject I want to talk about is I am also seeing a lot of posts about how darklinas must be delusional or mentally unwell. This, again, is hurtful and harmful. Mental illness for a very long time has had a stigma around it, one that makes the person suffering from it feel weak and ashamed. There was always the attitude of if you are mentally ill then there is something wrong with you, or the attitude of oh just get over it, cheer up, think a different way. But mental illness isn’t just a state of emotion its often caused by hormonal imbalances and chemicals. Genetics can also play a part. There is nothing wrong with someone who is mentally ill their brain is just wired a different way. I also find it problematic when people throw around the word delusional. Maybe its nothing to you, just a word, but alot of mental illnesses have actual delusions as one of their symptoms. These can be scary and upsetting and are outside the control of the person experiencing them. Making the suggestion that liking a particular ships means you are delusional is potentially very triggering to those who do battle delusions and have fought to overcome them. The stigma around mental illness has prevented alot of people suffering from mental illness from seeking help out of shame or embarrassment or even out of fear of being judged and although I do feel like as a society we’ve become alot more open about mental health and alot more accepting there is still a long way to go. When antis start saying things like ‘I can’t believe people ship this, they must be mentally ill,’ or ‘they must be sick in the head’, or ‘if you like this ship than you must be delusional’ not only are they being incredibly prejudice against people who have mental illnesses but it is also so harmful because if there is someone reading that post who is struggling with their mental health and are considering seeking help then you’ve just made them feel more ashamed, more like there is something wrong with them which will make them even less likely to seek out help and as I said before there isn’t anything wrong with a person who has a mental health condition they are just different from you. That doesn’t give you the right to make them feel like they are less capable of deciding what they do or do not like or even what they should or should not like to be classified as a ‘normal’ person.

The most latest problematic statements I’ve seen have been those accusing Darklina’s of being r*cist. This one I found a bit funny in a it’s not funny kind of way. I just don’t think there is much logic behind this view point. I’m not sure I understand the antis reasoning here. Mostly because I’m pretty sure the majority of the Darklina fandom comes from the books where Mal is described as being a white, brown haired, blue eyed guy. Funnily enough the Darkling is described as being able to pass for Shu, though to be clear it isn’t confirmed that he is a POC, but out of the two in the books the Darkling is more likely to be a POC than Mal. On top of that whilst many darklina fans have made it clear they are not a fan of Mal in the books many have said they like the show version of Mal who, as we all know, the actor Archie is a POC. So by anti logic darklinas are all r*cist because they don’t like book Mal who is depicted as white but we do like show Mal who is a POC. It just doesn’t make sense to me. I do understand that there were some ‘fans’ who made inappropriate and r*cist comments to some cast members including Archie and I would never ever condone that no matter who I ship. But you also can’t condemn an entire fandom just because of the actions of a select few. I don’t judge all M*linas for that one fan who accused Ben of being a pr*dator and p*dophile because of his friendship with Jessie. Once again my point is r*cism is a serious topic and not something someone should use as a retort or comeback to someone not shipping your ship. When we use these words casually it makes it less likely that they’ll be taking seriously when they really do need to be taken seriously, when they really are relevant to what is happening. If we keep using them so casually then when we really do need to talk about them, when it really matters, people will just shrug and go ‘its just antis being antis.’

I think it is possible for people to like different things, to debate and analyse different relationships and characters and talk about what flaws they may have in a respectful manner. I wouldn’t say I am anti m*lina but at the same time there are things about them that I find problematic but when I talk about those things I hope I do so in a way that doesn’t demean those who do like the ship. I understand that people will have a different interpretation than me and whilst I might not understand where their thinking comes from or why they have a particular opinion I would never make the assumption that they are mentally unwell or make judgements on their character or morals. I try to think about the words I am writing. I know how easy it can be to just throw a word out there without thinking about it. I used to use the word delusional to describe fans of certain ships, but when I recognised how damaging and problematic that was I stopped and I changed my behaviour because it was never my intention to hurt others. I guess the main message I am trying to convey here is we need to be careful with our words they’re not as insignificant as we might think.

#darklina #anti anti #anti anon hate #anti anti darklina #excuse the rant

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characterclasses · 4 years

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Classing Avatar: The Last Airbender

Long ago, all four nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Roll for initiative!

Avatar: TLA is a world populated with rich, developed characters. So much so, in fact, that I’ve actually decided to class ten characters from the series. So flameo hotman, this is going to be a long one!

1. Aang

Let’s start with an easy one. Aang is so obviously a Way of the Four Elements Monk that it hurts. The kid grew up in a monastery, calls himself a monk numerous times, and the whole plot of the show revolves around him learning how to master the four elements. In fact, given how ubiquitous bending is in the show, it’s amazing that more characters aren’t monks as well.

2. Sokka

Well, not Sokka, the meat-and-sarcasm guy. Sokka may not be a bender, but that’s never stopped him from stepping up and trying his best to protect what he loves, whether that be by defending his village from a Fire Nation raid with just a boomerang, or leading entire armies into battles that he strategized. Sokka might look like the token normal guy, but he’s a versatile and powerful warrior, which is why I’ve classed him as a fighter. Sokka isn’t just brawn though, he’s brains too. The guy is very intelligent (though somewhat low in wisdom, at least at first), and thirsts for new knowledge and scientific discoveries. Sokka is a Battle Master, someone who is learned not just in ancient battle arts, but academic fields as well, sometimes even obtaining artisan knowledge. Seems pretty fitting for the guy who helped invent the hot air balloon, no?

3. Katara

Katara may be a bender, but she’s not exactly a monk. Katara is a pretty spiritual person, especially after directly coming into contact with Tui and La (and Yue) in the first season. She’s also a powerful and dangerous combatant to go up against. This, along with the fact that she’s the healer of the Gaang, is why I classed Katara a cleric. Her mastery over waterbending makes her a Tempest cleric, as she reveres spirits of the sea and sky. Katara, even more than characters like Aang or Azula, is able to best embody the ferocity of a storm.

4. Azula

Speaking of Azula, this tragic, fourteen-year-old sociopath is an interesting character to class. Azula has power, and a lot of it. As a firebending prodigy, Azula’s devastating power comes naturally to her, which is why she can be best classed as a sorcerer. Her royal Fire Nation lineage makes Azula a shoo-in for the Draconic Bloodline background, too, which adds an extra layer of irony to the whole thing when you consider exactly what it was that her family did to the dragons, who they perceived as threats to their bending supremacy.

5. Zuko

Of course, Azula isn’t the only heir to the Fire Nation, which is where her older brother Zuko comes in. Zuko is the perfect example of a redemption arc done right, so it’s no surprise that his character needs a bit more of a complicated classing to match his nuanced characterization. Like his sister, Zuko started out as a Draconic Bloodline sorcerer (in fact, it’s heavily implied that he wouldn’t have lived if he hadn't been one). But Zuko doesn’t have the innate raw power that Azula does, and to his father’s great disappointment, didn’t seem to level up nearly as quickly. After his exile, Zuko found himself with both the time and the necessity to hone his other great skill - his swords. It was at this point that Zuko began multiclassing into a rogue, specifically a Swashbuckler. This usually bombastic class may seem like an odd choice for the awkward, angry prince, but Zuko’s talents with his twin swords and his flair for the dramatic (think of the Blue Spirit persona!) actually makes Swashbuckler a pretty good fit. After his defeat at the North Pole necessitated going into hiding, Zuko began relying less and less on his firebending and more on his rogue skills to get by. It isn’t really until the middle of the third season, when he and Aang meet and learn from the dragons, that Zuko finally starts taking levels in sorcerer once again, and he grows into a bender who is more than capable of matching up with his sister.

6. Mai

It’s no surprise that taciturn, deadly Mai is also a rogue, though not the kind that you might think. Mai is not, contrary to Azula’s beliefs, the perfect Assassin. Mai might be great with her throwing knives, but she also excels in blending quietly into the background, gaining all the information she needs until it’s time to strike, whether that be with her blades or with a well-placed word. She’s also not above seeing which way the wind is blowing and switching sides to protect herself and the people she cares about. Mai is a Mastermind to be sure, and while she’s a great ally to have, this makes her an even more formidable enemy to face.

7. Ty Lee

Ty Lee however, is surprisingly not a rogue. This bubbly, acrobatic Fire Nation girl is a sneaky, underestimated fighter, but she’s also a childhood friend of a princess that an away to join a circus, of all things. Ty Lee’s style of combat is rooted in performance, and her performance is her combat, which is why I’ve classed her as a College of Swords Bard. College of Swords works well for Ty Lee precisely because she isn’t a bender and doesn’t use magic to achieve her results. Despite not actually using swords, Ty Lee certainly meets the criteria in terms of being a born entertainer who achieves her results both on stage and in the battlefield through daring feats of prowess and skill.

8. Suki

Ty Lee may have ended the series as a Kyoshi Warrior, but Suki was born one, and it shows. Everything Suki does is to protect her people and uphold the ideals of Avatar Kyoshi. This devotion to Kyoshi, both the island and the historical, near-mythic figure, makes Suki an excellent paladin. With her Oath of Devotion, Suki is determined to uphold the ideals of law, justice, and order that the history and culture of her people represent, and spirits help anyone who stands in her way.

9. Toph

So Toph is a tough character to class, which I’m sure is something that would delight her to no end. At the end of the day though, Toph’s gleeful chaotic nature and unconventional bending make her a very unusual warlock. Like all benders, Toph’s power may be innate, but the Blind Bandit took a very unusual route to hone her skills. Toph learned bending directly from the badgermoles, the first earthbender in millennia to do so. The badgermoles gifted Toph not just with bending mastery, but with a form of “sight” with which she could independently navigate the world around her, and in this way act as her patrons. As creatures of legend that hold secrets long forgotten by mankind, the badgermoles act as a sort of benevolent Archfey equivalent, making Toph a very powerful warlock indeed.

10. Iroh

If Aang and his friends are the prototypical young protagonists out to save the world, then Iroh is the beloved archetype of the war-weary old adventurer who still has some tricks up his sleeves. Like Aang, Iroh is a monk, albeit a very different kind. While Iroh has a ton of raw power, he prefers to be subtle, letting enemies and allies alike underestimate him until it’s time to act. Even when he does strike, his foes don’t quite seem to grasp the full implication of what’s happening. Carefully choosing his actions like movements on a Pai Sho board, Iroh is a true White Lotus, a perfect example of The Way of the Drunken Master. He uses his facade of a tea-obsessed, doddering old man to feign incompetence and play the part of the fool in order to achieve his true goals, whether that be directing his young nephew towards the right path in life, or secretly working to bring balance back to the world.

#dnd #avatar the last airbender #atla #aang #sokka #katara #toph #zuko #iroh #azula #mai #ty lee #suki #dnd classes #DnD 5e

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mystech-master · 3 years

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Blazblue rewrites Part 1: The Age of Origin and beginning of the Looping World.

(put this on my Reddit may as well put it here)

As we all know, the Blazblue series is one of the most convoluted and over-complicated pieces of media ever. Mainly due to its quantum physics talk and very chuuni dialogue and a lack of good explanation for a lot of points. Naturally, one good thing about being a fan is that through the power of hindsight we can look at the entire series and basically fix what we think was messed up. Of course, we have this freedom since we are usually individual people, don't have a massive writing staff and marketing we need to appeal to, and pretty much the entire skeleton and pieces are there, they just need to be rearranged and/or be tweaked a bit.

I remember getting into Blazblue around the end of high school/beginning of college, almost 5 years ago. I thought the setting was neat and I am into anime action BS. Of course, the story was bonkers and made no sense until I started looking deeper but the main thing that has bugged me were the characters. There is just so much Bullshit that the characters do and brush off that just irritates me, especially when it comes to Ragna. This series has made me rethink the meaning of life, of showing kindness to people, or if "doing things because it's right" is a good enough excuse, how much should you desire your own happiness? All sorts of existential questions that Blazblue has made me think, not from the plot, but just from the BS character interactions.

If you check out my Ragna the Bloodedge tag, or have just been following me for a while, you will see/know how much I will defend this guy to the fucking grave because of all the bullshit that this guy is expected to take and deal with and it being seen as"inspiring" or "heroic" when it is really just sad to me. It isn't me liking the character, it is just a massive amount of pity and feeling sorry for him, to the point where I kind of have a massive bias towards him and end up making him an all-powerful unstable badass in most of my fic ideas with him. But I am getting ahead of myself.

I wanted to lay out my ideas for how I would make a Blazblue rewrite. If anyone wants to use these in their own fanfic, feel free. I don't give a shit about credit.

Starting with the timeline, we have the XBlaze series, Bloodedge Experience, and the core C-Series (ft.

the Phase Shift Novels, and Remix/Variable Heart Manga). In the actual story these are all separate “Possibilities”, or Timelines/Universes. That is dumb and I think that we can tweak things to make it all one linear timeline.

XBlaze takes place in the year 2050, 50 years before the Dark War is stated to begin, and 149-150 years before the main games start. This is plenty of time to make things different. We know from the backstory that Takamagahara, the god-supercomputer that mankind made, was not completed in this possibility due to Touya’s mother iirc. In my idea, all this does is delay the inevitable, Takamagahara will be made, just at a later date now. (edit) There is also the Mitsurugi agency, which was kind of behind the Wadatsumi incident in XBlaze's backstory. With their connections to the Mage's Guild, the Amanohokosaka Clan, and their desire to get the Azure, we could say that this is the agency that discovered the Susanoo, the Boundary, and did most of these experiments to the Prime Fields.

I do not know the exact year when Bloodedge Experience takes place, but I am going to estimate around 10-15+ years from XBlaze, putting it at 2060-2065+, since they do mention Mei as the head/leader of the Amanohokosaka Clan. I am not too sure what the branching-off point is here, Valkenhayn mentions Clavis having killed Naoto in the core C-Series Possibility so maybe it was during their initial meeting. But is Naoto surviving gonna change that much? The only other detail that would need addressing would be Raquel’s relationship with Rachel. According to the wiki bio “Raquel was created when a user of Soul Eater went havoc and killed hundreds upon thousands of people. Clavis Alucard stopped the user and killed them, but was forced to take the lives of 128,932 people in order to do so. When this happened, he held an Embryo. Three years later, the Embryo became Raquel and she was born. Maybe sometime later Raquel could end up being killed or something and another Embryo results in Rachel. I mean we never see or hear mention of a mother, or maybe it’s some reincarnation thing? IDK. We see how stern Clavis was with Raquel, so maybe seeing his first “daughter” die he ends up spoiling the next one rotten, leading to the kind of haughty holier-than-thou Rabbit we know today.

However, all of this needs to be put in perspective of the Origin and Terumi. I may mess up some of the finer details.

The plot of Blazblue started when Susanoo ditched his body, the Susanoo Unit, and then mankind discovered it underground. They excavated it, dug deeper, and found a Cauldron which led to the Boundary, within which they found the Master Unit, the God Computer that would allow them to control reality, and beyond that, they found the Azure, basically the primordial absolute force of the Blazblue Universe. However, the Master Unit can only respond to something anthropomorphic/humanoid and humans can’t survive the Boundary. So they made the Prime Field Devices, Androids meant to go into the Boundary. Pretty weirdly specific criteria that results in robot girls but I don’t see how I can mess with this.

One of them manages to reach the Master Unit and upon touching it she gains the Eyes of the Azure which gives it the power of the Azure and basically becomes not only sentient, but basically a god. The Humanity, freaked out about her new free will and the power she now has, tosses her back into the Boundary. Within the Boundary, the PFD, the Origin as we know her, sees her “sister” units all being tortured. Most likely to break any souls they have so the scientists don’t have to deal with their “free will” getting in the way of their plans. Maybe to bring in Terumi telling Noel that they became weapons, other groups heard of the guys making the PFDs and them getting god power and obviously would be trying to stop them/take this power for themselves, so they decided to make the PFDs into mindless robo-soldiers to fight them off. Origin gets mad and ends up making all of them sentient. Probably by Observing them as sentient, like she sees all of these things “like her” so obviously they must be sentient or at least have the potential for sentience. Kind of like Jotaro going “It’s a similar type of Stand '' to DIO and then getting Time Stop.

Anyways now mankind is fighting these robot girls who want revenge for being treated like tools, all humanity sees is all these in-human weapons killing them for no reason, just because destroying is what a weapon does, and with the Master Unit’s Phenomenon Intervention, they can just rewrite all of their failures into victories. Mankind sees the Origin and the Master Unit as basically the same thing, an evil machine god. His leads into why the Origin and Amaterasu can’t just be separated so Ragna doesn’t have to sacrifice himself to stop the time loops, the world sees The Origin and Amaterasu as one, there is no distinction. This is also apparently the time period when Clavis Alucard helped mankind make the Izayoi, with its Immortal Breaker and ability to resist Observation to fight against the Origin and the PFDs. Ironic that it eventually became known as the prototype for the Lux Sanctus: Murakumo, but I’ll talk about that later.

So what does mankind do? Make a Black Beast to destroy it. I mean we are told to believe that a Black Beast is the result of Azure Grimoire (or just a piece of the Azure) + Murakumo Unit = either a Black Beast if the fusion is imperfect, and a powerful Kusanagi God Slayer is done right. But tell me, why the hell would they build ANOTHER Prime Field Device to fight the PFDs? I will be getting into the exact nature of Black Beasts later. Mankind is apparently cool with the Black Beast destroying the world because so long as they can get the Azure and plug it into Takamagahara, which is basically a manmade Master Unit supercomputer, they can just reset time. But due to a bug or something, the Master Unit stopped this and when the world was destroyed she just made a new one based on her memories. This is the world the characters live in now. And since the last thing she remembers about the world is the Black Beast and obviously she doesn’t want the world to hate and try to kill her, the Black Beast enters the world with everyone having no context to its existence and no other enemy to fight, leading to the Black Beast going from a weapon of Mutually Assured Destruction, to the new Ultimate Evil Enemy of the World.

A few things we need to take note of here.

XBlaze and Bloodedge Experience would need to take place during the Age of Origin, between mankind discovering the Boundary but before the Prime Field War starts. I mean the two things needed for that part to start would be Prime Fields and Takamagahara, and while there is Es who is sort of a PFD, you could simply say that her model isn’t suited for full Boundary Exploration. I know I am really glossing over the Embryo stuff about her but I haven’t seen XBlaze stuff in a while and I would need to find a way to connect it with the Embryo in Centralfiction.

Apparently, there was some off-screen war in which Hihiirokane (the Soul Cutting Sword protected by Jubei’s clan, used by his brother Tomonori to fight Terumi, then put in Clavis’ grave) was used to fight some enemy, “Outside of logic”. I have no idea what this is and it feels like something that shouldn’t be glossed over.

Mankind made a Black Beast on their side to get the Azure and fight the Master Unit, which A. means that in a weird way the Black Beast was sort of on mankind’s side at first before the Origin retconned it into being the destroyer, and B. mankind would have needed to make a Murakumo Unit to fight the Murakumos, knowing that the Origin is making them sentient and turn on them, which kind of feels like a dumb move. But again, I will get to this later.

This will all lead into the Looping World. Now, this is weird because of the main thing which the loop revolves around, The Black Beast. It is either A. as Terumi says in CS, a Cauldron that went batshit (which is precedent by the short story That Which Is Inherited where Sector Seven tries to smelt a Nox but everything goes tits up and a Black Beast forms from the Cauldron (no souls or prime field required), or B. a Time Displaced Ragna and Nu. The Black Beast is a Self-Observing weapon. Observation in Blazblue basically means “deciding if/how something exists” by Observing itself, the Black Beast declares its existence in this time period, which means that no matter what time paradoxical BS you may try to pull, it will always appear (Kind of reminds me of the Time Medallions Clockwork gives team Phantom in Danny Phantom). But a less mind-mushing way to look at it could simply be that, no matter what, this will always happen. Like, say the Assassination of Kennedy is Observed as an event that must ALWAYS happen, then even if you find and stop the sniper. He is gonna still die. Maybe there is another sniper, maybe the sniper gets a good hit on you and manages to make another shot down the road, but anyway you slice it, Kenedy gets shot. That event is permanently locked in history and no matter what you do, this event is inevitable.

But suggestion A is weird because it could either mean that 1. He is talking about the first Black Beast from the Age of Origin, or 2. Since that part of the story probably wasn’t written yet and they are talking about this specific Beast, he is talking about the Dark War Black Beast, in which case there actually was a bit of time before the time loops started, or at least the very first loop, so then there was a bit of time before shit went sideways.

Maybe the Origin didn’t make a Black Beast war and it was all Terumi’s idea. The world would’ve continued as normal but since Terumi hated the Master Unit and mankind wanted power, they tried to make a Kusanagi but it fucked up and made a Black Beast, but without a publicly known Prime Field War to justify it, mankind doesn't see this as a necessary evil which will get the Azure and then reset the world better for them, it’s just a big evil monster.

Okay, that is my interpretation of the Age of Origin for my Blazblue rewrite idea. Not many changes since this is all pretty self-contained and not much needs expanding on. Just make sure to justify some actions and connect the three timelines. I probably missed out on a lot of finer details but I think I got the broad strokes of it. Feel free to correct me.

Next time I will cover the Dark War and hopefully go into explaining how I would make the Powerset make a bit more sense (Ars Magus, Grimoires, Nox Nyctores, the Azure Grimoire, and the Black Beast).

#blazblue #blazblue rewrites

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illusionnatiletstalk · 3 years

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How do we see attraction as individuals?

Hi and welcome all you beautiful people, I hope you all having an awesome day, what is attraction? Attraction is a quality that causes an interest, desire in, or gravitation to something or someone. Now what attracts people to each other, let’s see good looks, ambition, and a good sense of humor are common qualities that people seek out. But there are other factors you're likely unaware of that play an important part in who you're attracted to. Past experiences, proximity, and biology all have a role in determining who catches our attention and who doesn't. So for now let’s look at physical attraction for the moment, As an individual what physical features do you find attractive in a person, and does society play a role in your decision making? What I mean by that is if you were alone in a room and given a book filled with pictures of different people who all had a different look to them, and asked to pick the person you found most attractive. While your choice being kept anonymous from anyone else, without having to worry about what other people would think or say, would your choice differ? Do other people and trends affect how we see physical attraction? Does looking at popular influence rs and all other celebrities affect how we see everyone else? Are certain body types and hair cuts we are attracted to influenced by social media and what is hot at that given time. Is physical attraction affected by what is trending? Rather than what we are attracted to as individuals, there are so many of us on this planet we all have a mind of our own and different likes and dislikes yet social media does affect our likes and dislikes in a large way it’s the indirect peer pressure of sorts. Life is so interesting and diverse to look at physical attraction in such a singular way is boring to me, to find someone attracted simply because they have a certain body shape, style, facial features or hair type is boring and untrue, or at least it is for me. Now as a guy sure I have certain tastes and likes, a type so to say but I don’t allow that to influence my views in who I find physically attracted, sure I might notice someone first or more if they are my type. But if I keep myself centered and open-minded I can find someone who is the complete opposite of my type attractive. Imagine if the world was limited to one or two colours how boring would that be, so limiting yourself to your type or certain features you are also limiting your possibilities and options, and who knows if you were just slightly more open-minded or truthful with your self you could have found the right person for you maybe even your true love if you believe in true love that is. But those are my thoughts on physical attraction, the most important thing to keep in mind is to be honest with your self, because you may live for society and trends but society can’t live for you, you have to live for your self so don’t let others or trends tell you something you should know for your self. How many times have I looked at someone without knowing a single thing about them or even hearing their voice and found them attractive even when they are not my type or have any trending features simply because I am honest with my likes and dislikes. No one is saying find everyone physically attractive because that’s not right either, just be honest and open-minded about it. Physical attraction is the easiest type of attraction as it requires no reason or value you either find someone attractive or not is a simple process that should not require any more steps than that, you just know.

Another type of attraction ambition perhaps the most controversial type of attraction, your needs and want’s in life and how you can get or achieve them from someone else. Now personally it’s an attraction I do not care for but I am me and not everyone else, whether attraction through ambition is a good thing or bad is not for me to decide but for the individual and the majority. Morally I think it's wrong simply because no one likes to be used, and most who do agree or practice attraction through their ambition, those who are attracted to someone because of their social power, financial power or even their corporate power. Would not want to be used in return or others to look at them for that reason so I find that very hypercritical, I do think living a life without hypocrisies is impossible but at the very least we can try our best to have as few hypocrisies in our lives as possible. To me being attracted to someone simply because of what they have is a very shallow way to live, it's like living life like a candle in the wind eventually that candle will blow out. Money does not last forever it can be lost at any time, someone’s social ladder can topple at any moment and no one works forever. It’s a temporary attraction that normally only has one winner at the end of it, it’s an attraction that does not need love or emotions or any other kind of attraction, it’s a stand-alone attraction and a lonely and selfish way to live. Haha maybe I shouldn't of given my opinion on that kind of attraction, my viewpoints on it are quite set in stone, but the reason for it is simply because eventually, it will cause someone pain or harm while benefiting the offender.

What about a good sense of humor, most of us have different views on comedy but pretty much all of us are capable of finding something funny, enjoying a good laugh, comedy puts a smile on most faces but again we are all different what someone finds funny someone else will not. So even if someone is considered to have a good sense of humor by most there will always be one or two people who don’t think so. So this type of attraction is complete up to the individual and to what they consider to be funny or not and also how much funny a person can take or want in a day. Some people might want someone who is a child all day long while others want someone who is cable of being funny but only at opportune moments, and is serious the rest of the time. So what is a good sense of humor well you already know the answer to that that’s something we each know and can tell apart from a bad one or at least what we consider bad. Because it’s all about considering what we like and don’t like, some people like childish humor, while others like dark, rude and lewd comedy. So going for someone who is a child all day when you can’t stand childish behavior is a recipe for disaster or a pan to the head. So when going for someone base on their personality make sure you like it or can handle it daily. Because unless that person is willing to change for you or adapt to your liking, it will more than likely end badly one day, even if that person fits all of your other attraction criteria. Then comes the questions if its okay to make someone change for you, as we are all individuals and should be allowed to be who we are, so to conclude that kind of attraction it’s tricky as nothing remains funny or acceptable forever and some can only handle so much humor a day so just be sure a person’s sense of humor is right and acceptable for you.

Now past experiences play a role in attraction as well there’s not much to talk about on this as we all have different backgrounds and different experience in life, but experience does affect attraction because certain good and bad experiences will tell us whether a certain type of person is good for us or not whether we choose to follow that experience or not is another thing entirely. Because so many of us keep ignoring that voice in our head that says no. If we have had a bad experience with a certain type of a person it could stop us from finding anyone else like or similar to that attractive and if we have had a good experience with a certain type of person we would normally look for someone else like that.

Proximity is another form of attraction we forget exists but truth be told seeing someone or talking to someone daily could affect or change how we see them, maybe if that person was just passing through or by we would not give them a second thought but constant exposure to them could grow small feelings into admiration or affection, or perhaps no feelings into something. Proximity also affects who we realistically look for most people look for someone who is close by or in the general vicinity, because most don’t like challenges, and finding someone abroad is difficult, its hard to get to know someone simply through text or a screen because we are never truly our selves in front of a screen or behind a text we always try to show the best versions of our selves and sometimes a fake one. But attraction by proximity does limit our options to our area and surroundings who knows the wonderful or perfect person for us we could be missing simply because we choose not to look outside our own little box. But still even while I think distance should never be a factor when looking for love or someone you are attracted to, you should always be four times as careful and always keep your eye and mind open till you meet the person in real life when there is no screen between you. And yes cost also plays a factor as travel is expensive and borders play a role, but like the saying goes love finds a way. Now being attracted to someone biologically, what does that mean while to me it means being influenced by individual genetics, psychological, or cultural factors, as well as Sexual attraction. This requires no explanation, well I just don’t have one, genetics, I am not a scientist so it means nothing to me, psychologically we are all different and different experiences and things that happen in our life will affect this, what kind of people we grew up with and what kind of people left lasting impressions on us will make us look for someone similar. Culture plays a very big role and breaks or makes a lot of relationships, it depends on how adaptable and accepting both parties are. If both are accepting or willing to adapt to the other culture then it stops being a problem but all it takes is one to be forceful and want the other to change to their way of life to ruin a relationship. So yes culture plays a big role in attraction if you are forced to change or accept things you don’t agree with, it’s a lot easier to accept someone like you than someone different, but to me, difference is beautiful and fun as long as I can be myself and not forced to change who I am, or what I think. Now sexual attraction I am not going to touch on simply because we all have our own kinks and what we like, plus I am not sure how deep I’ll go if I start pun intended, haha plus its something you should already know what you looking for and if you don’t you will with experience and lots of it.

#physical attraction #law of attraction #attraction #individual thought #individuals #how we see attraction #be an individual #be yourself #your thoughts matter #your choice matters

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transgenderteensurvivalguide · 5 years

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This isn't to be rude, I'm just legitimately curious. What's the point in being transgender if you don't have dysphoria? Is it just because of the disconnect between the brain and the body? So, being trans helps you to feel more connected and at home in your body? There just isn't any distress? And if you don't have physical/body dysphoria, you shouldn't medically transition, right? I've heard doing so can cause you to develop body dysphoria. So, you should just socially transition?

Lee says:

“What’s the point in being transgender”? People are transgender because we are- it isn’t like there’s a point, it’s just the way some people are. That’s true for all trans folks, regardless of their experience with dysphoria.

Not having any distress from dysphoria doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t experience distress from being trans at all though- being trans in a transphobic world means that you’re going to be coming up against some transphobic people and uncomfortable and unsafe situations and all that because if you’re trans then transphobes aren’t going to ask you “hey, do you have gender dysphoria?” before they discriminate against you or shout at you in the locker room or something. So I think that trans people do share a common experience of minority stress from being marginalized even if you don’t have distress from gender dysphoria.

Yeah, I’d say that it seems like a lot of trans people who don’t identify as having gender dysphoria do tend to experience gender euphoria, and accepting that you’re trans if you’re trans is usually the first step towards helping you to feel more connected and at home in your body and more comfortable with how you move in the world. The Being trans without dysphoria post gets into that a bit more.

Gender dysphoria is defined in the DSM-V as “the distress that may accompany the incongruence between one’s experienced or expressed gender and one’s assigned gender” (DSM-V, page 451). So some folks may have that incongruence but it isn’t necessarily causing them that distress. But if you don’t fully identify as the gender you were assigned at birth 100% of the time, you can call yourself trans. That’s it, there’s no other criteria you need to meet to be trans.

As for medically transitioning, I think that’s something each individual needs to figure out for themself. You have to decide whether the changes on HRT you want are worth the other changes you aren’t as excited for. You can do low-dose HRT and have the changes happen slower so you can stop when you’ve had enough, but some changes are permanent so it’s important to only start HRT if you’re reasonably sure that you’re okay with the permanent changes that you’d get. You don’t want to start HRT to find that it only makes you more uncomfortable.

There are some people who may find that medically transitioning creates some features they’re dysphoric with, and there are other folks who may feel that they felt neutral about their bodies beforehand and not necessarily distressed by them, but felt even more comfortable and happy after transitioning- a shift from neutral in either direction is possible.

For example, you might be…

Neutral & non-dysphoric about your bod pre-medical transition then dysphoric post-HRT/surgery

Neutral & non-dysphoric about your bod pre-medical transition then happier and euphoric/more positive post-HRT/surgery

Neutral & non-dysphoric about your bod pre-medical transition then still neutral, no particular emotional change post-HRT/surgery

Some non-dysphoric people may feel neutral about their bodies as they are so they don’t necessarily feel like they need HRT to be comfortable in their body, but they may want other people to recognize what their gender is and so they may find it easier to pass if they start hormones or get surgery and passing is often associated with safety in certain situations so that’s a valid reason to transition- if they think they’re okay with the HRT changes.

In fact, I wouldn’t even say that someone shouldn’t start HRT if one of the changes from HRT would make them dysphoric about something they’re not currently dysphoric about. It’s up to them to decide if that changes is worth everything else they’d be getting. Sometimes a little bad is worth a lot of good- it depends on the person and how they feel about it! And it isn’t a decision that should be taken lightly, but it also isn’t something that should be policed by random strangers on the internet.

I personally do have dysphoria and I’m on T and had top surgery, a hysterectomy, and I’m getting phallo, but that doesn’t mean that I am/was uncomfortable with every single aspect about my pre-HRT and pre-surgery body. Before I started testosterone, for example, I wasn’t sure how I’d feel about getting facial hair. It wasn’t one of the changes that I was really looking forward to. Now I’m about 2 years on T, and I’ve found that so far I don’t have very much facial hair anyway but I just shave now and then, as plenty of folks do, and if I have literally 0 regrets about being on T and it was definitely the right decision for me. In my case, the change I didn’t particularly want (facial hair) was totally worth everything else.

I know that some non-binary people feel that they wouldn’t be fully comfortable with either all the changes from estrogen or testosterone. These folks may decide that either way they’d still have dysphoria about certain things, so starting hormones might create new areas of dysphoria but alleviate other areas, and they have to decide which things would be harder to cope with- the things they had before, or the things they don’t want about HRT changes. So for example, if a non-binary person really doesn’t want say increased body hair growth on T but they really want a lower voice, they may decide that getting dysphoria about their body hair is worth getting rid of the voice dysphoria because they can manage the body hair easier by shaving and the voice changes will be more noticeable in how they interact with strangers or something.

It’s all very complicated and it isn’t an easy decision so saying big general categories of folks shouldn’t medically transition and but people should often oversimplifies all the different variables that trans people are grappling with- and there are almost always a few exceptions to every rule. So making broad generalizations might exclude and marginalize some people who legitimately need to transition while including folks who might not want to. Some folks with dysphoria may choose not to medically transition and some folks without dysphoria might choose to medically transition, and there are often really good reasons why they’re making those decisions and that should be respected. Nobody should feel pressured into medically transitioning if they don’t want to do it, even if they have dysphoria, and the reverse.

So I really don’t feel comfortable dictating categories of folks who should or shouldn’t medically transition because life is more complicated than that. Each person who is interested in medically transitioning needs to spend some time thinking about it, and it can help to create like a concrete pro/con list of how they think they’d feel about each change. If they think that surgery and/or hormones is right for them after careful consideration, that should be respected. Not everyone decides to medically transition which is valid, and I couldn’t say whether medically transition is even a particularly common choice for non-dysphoric people to make, but we should respect other people’s bodily autonomy and trust that they can make choices for themself.

Followers say:

guiltyidealist said: Being trans isn’t “a disconnect between the brain and the body” because not all trans people feel like they’re “”“"born in the wrong body,”“”“ and sex =/= gender

Lee says:

Yes, exactly! I didn’t fully address that statement- some trans people may feel that there’s a disconnect between their brain and their body, but that isn’t true for every single trans person, as the follower above wrote.

You can’t be “wrong” about the way that you feel about your body- although it is transphobic to say “All men have X parts or want X parts” because that isn’t true. For example, one trans guy may say “My body is male because I am male and this is my body,” and another trans guy may say “I want to medically transition in every way that’s available to me because I don’t see my body as being fully reflective of my identity” and both of those feelings are valid.

I know this is all a lot to unpack and unravel, especially when different folks are using different definitions for the same words, but again, in the end it comes back to bodily autonomy and the right for folks to make their own decisions about their own bodies.

If you don’t fully identify as the gender you were assigned at birth 100% of the time, you can call yourself trans. That’s it, there’s no other criteria you need to meet to be trans. If you want to medically transition, then that’s your decision.

#Lee says #nondysphoric #not sure what else to tag this with?#Anonymous #transgenderteensurvivalguide #trans #transgender

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dxmedstudent · 5 years

Text

Dx’s Dating Tips #1

I was going to put this in a giant masterpost, but then I felt pity for your dashborards. Basically, I’ve had a crappy week or two, and giving advice is something that relaxes me and makes me feel happy and useful, so I thought I’d get round to expressing some of the thoughts I’ve had. I have to admit I did a little reading around before I restarted the whole dating thing; some advice out there is really good, some is common sense, and theres stuff out there that is just plain... manipulative.

So we start with a few things I noticed about dating that rarely get acknowledged; mainly that it’s actually important to get yourself into a good mindset before you start.

The Dating Mindset:

Dating requires accepting that your life will change. In order to date, you need to be open to the fact that you’re interviewing to fill a position in your life, and that this will slowly change how you live as someone becomes a bigger part of your life. That position doesn’t have to be the same for everyone; one person might only want a casual relationship, whereas someone else is hoping to find the love of their life or the mother of their children. What matters is that you understand that the change you desire will also affect your life. You can’t expect to live exactly as you do as a single person and also have a life partner; that’s not fair to them; people are not accessories that slot into our life at our convenience. people who want to date without any effect on their life may not be ready for an actual relationship or have less than realistic ideas about what intimacy with another person will be like.

Dating is also a gradual process; it’s important to focus on and enjoy the here and now, and take each stage as it comes. It is not about what someone might be to you in a year’s time (or ten years’ time). Sometimes people get very enthusiastic early on, but it’s important to have realistic expectations from the outset; that you just don’t know what will hapen. This means accepting that right now, your romantic life is a WIP. You aren’t in a relationship, you aren’t loved romantically and that there’s no guarantee you’ll find someone. For lots of people, this can exacerbate feelings of loneliness even more than being single because you’re actively focusing on that deficit, and when you go through unsuccessful dates or short relationships, it might feel even more raw because you’re trying so hard. When you’re happily single, it’s easier to accept that romance isn’t a part of your life, and fill your life around it.

Dating is a process that requires self-reflection about who you are, and what you need from a relationship; you can’t find what is right for you if you have no idea who you are and what you need. This will probably mean confronting some home truths about yourself. For example, I realised that I am much more of a homebody than I like to admit; but that’s fine because there are plenty of people who are OK with that. It’s not about blaming yourself or thinking badly of yourself, just appreciating what your strengths and weaknesses are, and what makes you tick. A good partner is complementary to yourself; similar enough that you have things in common, but can also work with your weaknesses rather than exacerbating them. If you’ve had any recent breakups or deep relationships that have left lasting impressions, it might also mean reflecting on how they affected you, and what things you don’t want to replicate in future relationships.

Along a similar vein, dating means recognising that what you were doing before is not working for you. No exceptions. After all, if it was working out great, you’d already be sipping tea with the love of your life, right? This is not a personal criticism of you; it does not make you a bad person. We can all have patterns that make our lives more difficult or don’t quite work for us as well as we hoped. But what it does mean is that if you keep acting just as you do, and being as you are, it will be very hard to get different results than the ones you’ve been getting. Perhaps you never make the first move; you’ll miss out on so many people who might be interested if you worked up the courage to let them know you were interested. Perhaps you call too often and scare people away because you are a bit intense. Or perhaps you don’t call enough and people don’t think you’re that interested so they don’t keep it up because they don’t know you like them back. Perhaps you have a ‘type’ that never works for you; try to figure out if there’s a reason your type is not working out, and whether it might be good to try to see people who differ from that mould. This doesn’t mean doing everything wildly differently,or trying to be a completely different person. It does mean that you need to stop making excuses, and start working on creating healthier thought patterns and behaviour. For example, I’m pretty shy, and I’ll never be out there snogging strangers on the dance floor. But I grudgingly had to admit that I have to assert myself more than I’ve done in a while, and make my feelings and intentions more clear, if I don’t want interesting people to pass me by.

This also means thinking about what would genuinely make a good match for you. My tip is this: you want as few criteria as possible, to avoid excluding people who are perfectly nice but might fall foul of some minor criterion. Focus on what you feel would really make someone impossible for you to be with, and what you feel is most important to you, and try to be as open minded about as much as possible. For example, mine were something like: 30s because I want someone with similar life experience. Nonsmoker; sorry, it makes me cough and feel sick). Someone who is compatible with my political/religious leanings. For me, it was important to find someone who writes/speaks well and enthusiastically and has a similar sense of humor. And someone who accepts or shares my interests and nerdy hobbies because nobody wants to be with someone who views the things you enjoy with frustration and contempt. My life is pretty busy, so I thought it was important for them to have a life of their own own (friends and interests) because I am a busy person and needed someone who can enjoy themselves when I’m working or out with friends. I have an idea of the kinds of personality traits that might work well with me, as well as ones that might not, but really you have to get to know people to see how well things work in practice.

Talk to your friends and family, but be aware that you are all very different. There is no universal ‘right person’ for everyone; what everyone would consider right is actually pretty different. What your friends need and want out of a relationship or partner is not the same thing that you will need and want. So whilst their advice or opinion may be very useful, bear in mind that nobody can choose for you. This is why your friends and family can sometimes (with the sincerest of intentions) set you up with people who are totally wrong for you; they are thinking of what they think is important or suits you. For example, my relatives almost always try to set me up with people who they think are attractive, financially comfortable and just a bit taller than me, because that’s what they think I want; I care little about height, don’t necessarily share their opinion on looks and pretty much expect most people I date to earn less than me.

Dating requires optimism and acting in good faith. You’re gonna meet lots of people, with the aim of having fun, getting to know people and maybe meeting someone special! It’s exciting! Try your best to engage other people seriously and with sincerity, and without letting negativity from prevous dating experiences weigh you down. I found it so demoralising when I’d be messaging a guy and he’d start talking about how he never had any luck with this site/app or dating in general, and the entire conversation or date becomes negative because the focus ends up on why dating is terrible. When you start off talking, you just want to learn some fun things about someone and get to meet them.

Be prepared for the long haul. Finding the right person takes time. You might be lucky and meet the love of your life on the first go, or you might be in for months of meeting people who aren’t quite right, so don’t pressure yourself to get it right first time. It’s OK to get excited if you find someone you quite like, but remember that it’s still really early. Remember that it’s also a learning process; you’re gonna learn more about what works for you) and doesn’t work for you) the more people you meet, and the more things you don’t work out. So you never really lose. Unfortunately, it does also mean that you might get hurt, but that’s the price of being known, and of caring. There’s no way to get to know someone deeply without also being open with them, and gradually becoming vulnerable. Unfortunately, that can mean things hurt more if they don’t work out. I have no advice on how to dodge that particular bullet, I’m afraid.

You are enough, by yourself. You are still loved, and valuable, and amazing whether you have a partner or not, and don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. A lot of my friends are coupled, but honestly that has not made most of them treat me any differently, or make me feel awkward about it. If anything, I just feel that some of them are couple goals. However, some of my single friends report that their coupled friends can be difficult to socialse with as singletons, and within the context of a society that often aggressively pushes romantic love as an essential part of our lives, I can see why some people would feel really bad about it. Dating isn’t about completing you as a person, and it won’t fix your life and it brings with it a whole new set of challenges. If there are issues in your life that need improving, you’ll still need to deal with those and honestly, that’s easier to do before you start dating because dating adds another layer of drama. However, even a fun life can be improved if you meet someone who enriches your life, makes you happy and you enjoy spending time with. Spending time with a cool person that you like is a great feeling. People feel differently about being single. Some people are happy with it as a state, others aren’t, and most of us flip between the two depending on what’s going on in our lives. As someone who was happily (or even, indifferently) single for a long time, I’m all for positivity about being single. However, it’s OK if you feel unhappy about being single. It’s OK if you crave attention, or affection, or sex, or want a life partner, etc. Many people find that they feel a need for deep human connection. Regardless about how you feel about being single at any given point in time, it still doesn’t make you any less.

Feel free to add your own.

#dxdates #dx dates #dx dating tips #this is so much more relaxing than worrying about my health

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sunsetsover · 5 years

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I'd love to hear more of your thoughts on Ben having BPD

ok WHEW you just opened a fucking can of worms this about to be the longest post i’ve ever made i hope you have your seatbelt on

let me just preface this by saying nearly everything i talk abt in this post will be based off of my personal experiences w bpd. some people experience it differently, some people might not agree w some of the things i say, but i can only talk abt my own pov. therefore, this just my own personal opinions on ben having bpd. so yh lmao

and disclaimer!! i’m not a doctor!! don’t take anything i say in this post as diagnostic criteria! i’m not an expert or mental health professional!! when it comes to your own mental health or the mental health of ppl in your life, do not consider me a source to reference like ‘oh well lauren sunsetsover said xyz’ like pls just don’t do that. do your own research. and most importantly consult a doctor!!!!!! i am not one!!!!!!!!!

also there are very few sources in this post bc most of this is just shit i’ve absorbed over the years from doctors and doing my own research lmao

now that’s out of the way let’s go! (this became part character study, part informational masterpost on bpd. also it got really fuckin long, hence the read more, so be warned lmao)

warning for potentially triggering content (abuse/mentions of suicide and self harm - nothin too bad but i do touch on ben’s behaviour and history, and this is a p serious mental health issue we’re talking abt here so! take care of yourselves!!)

ok so! some things to keep in mind before we even get to ben:

i believe (at least in the uk) borderline personality disorder is considered to be an outdated name, and one that essentially isn’t appropriate or fit for purpose anymore, so in my experience, a lot of the time now it’s referred to as eupd (emotionally unstable personality disorder) in medical settings. which is way more apt name imo, and tells you more abt what bpd actually is (but i still call it bpd bc it’s easier and ppl know what that is lmao). so like. emotionally unstable personality disorder. i bet that conjures up a way more vivid idea in ur head than borderline personality disorder does.

no one 100% knows what causes bpd, though it’s thought to be a combination of genetic and environmental factors, like most things. but the general consensus is that bpd develops when something (usually traumatic, but not always in an extreme sense. ppl w bpd have often been victims of some type of abuse in their childhood, but that’s not necessarily always the case) happens in your childhood that impacts the development of your personality. kind of a bizarre metaphor but hopefully it will help u understand: u know how in finding nemo, the egg nemo was in got damaged by the shark? and even tho the damage looked minor, it actually meant that one of his fins was permanently damaged - it was malformed, it didn’t grow right, he couldn’t use it properly? well imagine the fin = the personality; that’s what happens to a person w bpd’s personality. smth happens to us in our childhood that permanently damages our personality, and so it doesn’t grow and develop properly as the rest of us does, making it less functional than an average person’s. u can imagine how that can lead to all sorts of problem (we’ll get to them later)

but bc it’s a mental disorder that affects the personality, you can’t be diagnosed w bpd until you’re 18, when your personality is basically developed fully (i believe it can be diagnosed slightly younger, but those are rare and extreme cases). however, symptoms can start to present themselves earlier, as ur personality begins to develop and mature. (mine started presenting in my early teens)

bpd doesn’t really go away, and treatment with medication generally isn’t effective for long periods of time. however symptoms can be treated with continued therapy, and symptoms sometimes can start to ease as you get older!!

bpd also gets misdiagnosed a lot bc a lot of the symptoms are similar to that of other mental health problems. the biggest one it gets misdiagnosed as seems to be bipolar disorder, which i get tbh. i’ve always considered bpd very similar to bipolar, just like… quicker cycles. there are even memes about it. also bpd has a tendency to coexist w other mental health issues, which makes it harder to recognise and diagnose.

so now lets look at this from a diagnostic perspective

in order to be diagnosed w bpd you basically have to deemed, by a medical professional, to be meet certain criteria, and to have been meeting these certain criteria for a significant amount of time. there are some variations to this criteria, and proposed subtypes and basically different flavours of borderlines but i’m not even gonna go there. i’m just gonna talk abt what i’m most familiar w and how i think that applies to ben.

i’m copying and pasting the diagnostic criteria part from here bc as far as i’m aware this is the criteria doctors use for diagnosis. there are 9 different ‘indicators’/’criteria’, and you have to display or meet at least 5 of them in order to be considered for a bpd diagnosis:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

this is one of, if not the biggest part of bpd. that trauma i mentioned earlier? often stems from or is related to abandonment, or perceived abandonment, in childhood, be it physical or emotional. for example, a child that’s being abused by one parent might feel abandoned by the other parent if they don’t do anything about it, even if the second parent has no idea the abuse is going on. sound familiar? a similar thing happened to ben, with stella. phil not doing anything about the abuse ben was facing at the hands of stella - even though he didn’t know it was happening, even though phil did do something once he found out - was an abandonment to ben. and that’s just the tip of the abandonment iceberg for ben - kathy faking her death and leaving him was an abandonment (even when he thought she was actually dead), phil’s own abuse was an abandonment, as was his reaction when ben came out, and so on. and abandonment like that skews your thinking so you believe that everyone is going to abandon you, sooner or later, that they must be abandoning you for a reason, you must be a terrible person, you must be unworthy of people’s effort/time/love etc etc.

even when paul died, that was an abandonment to ben! like logically we know - and ben probably knows too - that paul didn’t want to die, he didn’t want to leave ben, he didn’t deliberately leave ben. but that doesn’t matter. mental illness is illogical, bpd is illogical, esp when it comes to abandonment. e.g. my therapist had to cancel a few of our appointments once bc she was ill, and it felt like an abandonment. like it was personal somehow, like she wasn’t coming into work bc of me, bc i was too much work, too hard to handle. ofc that wasn’t true, but that’s how it felt. it’s illogical. so ofc my solution was to just not go to my appointments even when she came back, bc like what other response is there lmao. it’s just that everything a person does feels personal, like it’s because of/about you, even when it isn’t. even when it has nothing to do w you. that’s probably why ben can come across at selfish at times, like he’s making everything about him. because it is all about him, in his mind. everything is because of him, is his doing, his fault etc. his way of thinking is skewed into thinking like that, bc shit keeps happening to him and ppl keep leaving him, so it must be his fault.

and!! ‘frantic efforts’ isn’t necessarily what u think it is!! it can be desperate begging ‘i’ll do anything to keep you in my life’ type actions, but it just as equally can be lashing out and abandoning someone in order to prevent them from abandoning u first - a ‘get them before they get me’ mentality (the whole scene where phil was in the hospital comes to mind - the ‘why doesn’t he love me back?’ was the more desperate part of him, tho it wasn’t necessarily an ‘effort’ per se, but then him trying to kill his dad basically in order to have the abandonment be at least on his own terms? that’s lashing out, and def qualifies as a ‘frantic effort’ lmao). and how often do we see that in ben? lashing out at jay in the hospital because he knew he was mad at him, and he’d rather hurt jay physically before he could hurt him emotionally? ben trying to support callum and showing him kindness, only to turn around and threaten to out him when he finds out callum asked stuart to sort him out? everything that happened w his dad, trying to fuck him over before his dad can get there first, trying to get rid of keanu so he can’t be abandoned in favour of him (although that didn’t really work, but it rarely does work the way u want it to lmao). and the biggest one to me, though probably one that people have already forgotten, is him breaking up w that guy he was seeing in newcastle even tho they were into each other bc he ‘had to, otherwise [he] would have ruined his life’. even tho we don’t really get details, that says it all to me. it’s v much a pattern that’s present in ben.

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as “splitting”)

i feel like this one doesn’t need much explaining lmao

here is a definition of splitting from here (which is a very good article on splitting imo if u wanna read more abt it): ‘Splitting is a term used in psychiatry to describe the inability to hold opposing thoughts, feelings, or beliefs. Some might say that a person who splits sees the world in terms of black or white, all or nothing. It’s a distorted way of thinking in which the positive or negative attributes of a person or event are neither weighed nor cohesive.’

a little explanation of it from me: ppl w bpd can sometimes have very simplistic, all or nothing views on things. and splitting is basically when ur opinion on something or someone changes very quickly (sometimes instantly), often to an extreme (e.g. going from loving and idolizing someone, to absolutely fucking hating them, or from having a neutral opinion on something to suddenly becoming extremely angry abt it) sometimes without even having an identifiable trigger. it links into black and white thinking, which u may have heard of before - u either love someone and they can do no wrong, or u hate them and they disgust you. either something is amazing or it’s terrible. there is no grey area, no in between. it goes back into the whole ‘not being able to regulate ur emotions properly’ thing lmao there’s rarely nuances to our emotions or feelings, we’re all or nothing a lot of the time. so splitting is when ur opinion rapidly changes to one of these extremes. sometimes u can even go back and forth, splitting over and over on the same person/thing which is super fun.

ben splits on his dad all the time. all the fucking time. he doesn’t care about phil at all and wants to ruin him, then he wants phil’s approval and to be welcomed back into the family fold and the business. then ben hates him and wants him dead, then 5 minutes later he wants his love, wants to be a good son again. that’s splitting. u can also see it w jay, too, but no where near as extreme as w his dad. and i’ve seen it a couple of times w callum too, but again, it’s way more subtle. u probably wouldn’t notice it if u weren’t looking for it, whereas w phil it’s obvious.

but like i don’t need to explain ‘unstable and intense interpersonal relationships’, do i? just look at the relationships w phil, w jay, w lola, w callum, even w paul - they were unstable back when they first got together, and were arguably kind of intense too. (he settled a bit w paul, but his death/perceived abandonment fucked him up a lot beyond the expected ways). he’s always arguing w the ppl he loves. he tried to get poor billy killed, and yet since then he’s had no problem w him!! none of his relationships - apart from maybe his mum and ian (i don’t include lexi bc she’s a child) - are stable. and i would definitely describe his relationships as intense lmao

3. Identity disturbance: Markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

u can see this most - as most things - in his relationship w his dad. he fluctuates between seeming to know his worth (and demanding other people know it too), knowing he deserves his dad’s love and approval (why else would he be so mad abt the fact hes not getting it, if not bc he knows he’s worthy of it? if he didn’t think so, he wouldn’t be so angry abt not getting it - he’d be accepting/understanding, wouldn’t he?) and being desperate to do anything to get his dad’s love/approval, even things that are below him, turning into a child, begging to know why his dad doesn’t love him, why he’s never been enough. that scene where phil had found out abt ben trying to frame keanu and leaving him for dead is the epitome of this. u can see ben fluctuate between a hurt, traumatized little boy, begging his dad for some answers, some explanation as to why he’s not enough, begging him not to start drinking again, and a man who is angry, angry at his dad, angry at himself for crumbling like this, bc he should be stronger than this. u see him change multiple times in that one single scene. go watch it again. you’ll see it too.

some more examples: his absolute certainty that he is better and more qualified than the likes of shirley and keanu for working with his dad, and then being like ‘my dad was right, i’m good for no one’ - they don’t line up. does he have self esteem and know his worth or not? also his entire relationship w callum is an example of this - all those changes in his attitude towards cal and their situation? he often treats callum like they’re equals who understand each other, yet sometimes it seems like he thinks he’s superior to callum (e.g. the scene outside the cafe), and others he behaves (keyword) as though he thinks he’s not good enough for callum (why else would he just take all that shit from whitney and not say anything in retaliation? why, if not because he deems it more important that callum has an easier time of it than he does; that he regards cal’s comfort more important than his own? and why would he do that, if he held himself in such high regards? i mean he certainly acts like it sometimes, so why not then?)

also like……. who is ben? is he the bastard who cares about no one but himself, who’s always causing trouble not only for himself but for the people he cares about? is he the guy who just completely folds when people he knows hurtle abuse at him, accepting it lying down, who thinks he’s no good for anyone? the guy who goes out all night and drinks himself silly and purposefully gets himself into fights? the guy who shows callum so much empathy even tho it brings him nothing but pain, who loves jay unconditionally, who tried so hard to help bobby when he came back from prison? which one is he? which one does he want to be? does he even know?

(and you could argue that people are just multi-dimensional, but there’s just such a vast gap between these different facets of ben’s character and he can flip through them so fast it’s jarring, which is why i think it’s more like he straight up doesn’t have a consistent sense of self. which is a big part of bpd)

4. Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

again, does this need explaining?

doing illegal shit, excessively drinking, becoming unnecessarily violent, fucking up his relationships, just generally doing reckless things regardless of the consequences - this has always been a part of ben’s character.

(his constant hook ups could be another one, but the jury’s still out on that one. if anything it’s less the sex that worries me and more the flippant attitude he has when meeting up w ppl - they could be anyone and do all sorts, at the end of the day)

it became most obvious recently around the anniversary of paul’s death - drinking himself sick, gambling all his money away, deliberately starting fights. but even before that and since then it’s been there.

it’s basically just a way to self sabotage.

i feel like this one isn’t a consistent part of ben’s behaviour like the others are, but it is undeniably there, so.

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior

although ben (to my knowledge) hasn’t displayed any suicidal behaviour, he has at times spoken in ways that could kind of sway that way. (i’m no good for anyone, i’m not worth it, why do you care etc)

also self harming!!! just because he doesn’t hurt himself in a direct way doesn’t mean he doesn’t deliberately put himself in situations where he’ll get hurt, and that is self harm!! letting stuart beat him at pride was self harm!! picking that fight w those homophobes at e20 was self harm!!! drinking to excess is a form of self harm!!! putting himself in harm’s way, even if he doesn’t get hurt, is self harm!!!! just bc he might not be self harming in the traditional sense doesn’t mean he’s not hurting himself!!! this one has been on my mind for so long!!!! oh my god!!!!! he absolutely has a pattern of self harming/self destructive behaviours, and just a general disregard for his own safety and well being!!!! the fact that it doesn’t worry more ppl in his life is so upsetting to me!!!!!!

6. Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

aka the biggest part of bpd: pt 2

i feel like this definition doesn’t really do justice to this aspect of bpd. this is basically you literally having no control of your emotions. ‘day-to-day events’ have fuck all to do with it half the time. u could be sitting there minding ur business and all of a sudden you wanna smash up the entire room, for seemingly no reason. one time i was crying - like uncontrollably sobbing, a complete mess - and had been for maybe half an hour? and then all of a sudden, literally mid sob, it stopped. like it just stopped. i was done, i wasn’t sad anymore. i went from inconsolably crying to perfectly fine in a split second. can you even imagine that? it’s fucking crazy. that’s what having bpd is like. it’s like mood swings x1000 (that’s why i describe it like bipolar on a smaller scale - their mood swings last days/weeks/months, ours last minutes/hours, sometimes days but not often). you can be fine, then all of a sudden you’re not. or you can be not fine, and then all of a sudden you are. you can be ecstatic, then all of a sudden all the joy gets sucked out of ur body n u wanna die. then 5 mins later ur fine again. u can cycle thru every single human emotion in the space of a few hours with no warning whatsoever. u can go from feeling so many emotions u don’t know which one to focus on to feeling none at all. it’s exhausting. so yes ‘day-to-day events’ (this can be as minor as the way someone speaks to you, or not enjoying ur food as much as u thought u would, and it can make u terrifyingly sad or spark uncontrollable rage in u) can trigger it, but it’s like… at least that’s kind of justifiable. most of the time u just cannot regulate, control or predict ur emotions whatsoever. and often the emotions u do feel are not appropriate for the situation at hand lmao

on top of that, ppl w bpd have massive problems processing their emotions. while most ppl have the capacity to identify what they’re feeling and why, ppl w bpd often can’t. and bc they can’t identify it properly, they don’t know how to process it. that’s why emotions and feelings are so often black and white - we might develop the ability to recognise Big Emotions, like love and hate, happiness and sadness etc, but we can’t figure out the smaller, nuanced emotions. it becomes or, not and.

this is also why our emotions feel so big and all encompassing!! we can’t ignore our emotions!! they are our focus in a lot of ways. when ur sad, it feels like the world is ending, every single time. when ur happy, ur euphoric and nothing else matters, and so on. every emotion has the volume turned up to 100. that’s why our emotions sometimes come out in extreme or unhealthy ways - our emotions often feel so big we have such a hard time handling them. so we go to drastic lengths, whatever they may be, to cope.

(also bc most ppl w bpd are victims of abuse, we’re often hyperaware of other people’s moods, which can impact ours. someone can be annoyed for some innocuous, innocent reason, and yet bc we can sense it, we become scared or defensive and may lash out.)

and ben… little old ben, have u ever seen him have a rational reaction to anything in his life? how often have we seen him have an appropriate response to smth? my dad is shit, so i have to destroy him. failing that, i have to kill him. oh, my brother isn’t gonna let kill him? time to punch him in the face. my daughter ate all my cereal? it’s Overreaction Time. (this one in particular is Very Me like yes lexi is a child and he was unfair but my 7 year old cousin once drank all my j2os and i almost had a breakdown so i Get It) i’m feeling like shit? time to antagonise these homophobes until they beat me in the middle of the street. i sleep with this man once? time to get overly involved. he shows me a little bit of love and kindness? time to develop feelings for him despite him insisting he’s straight, the fact that he’s with a woman and i have been harassed and beaten by his homophobic family multiple times. but it isn’t going the way i wanted it to? time to impulsively hit him for not knowing what he wants, then immediately regret it.

and like. he went from crying his eyes out in his dad’s kitchen to threatening kat slater within the span of what, 10 minutes? he went from trying to kill his dad, to falling tf apart w jay, to trying to manipulate his dad - who had just woken up from a coma - for his own gain again, in the span of maybe an hour. if that doesn’t say rapid cycling, inconsistent emotions idk what does.

like idk enough about the old bens to say if this is a consistent characteristic of his or not (although based on the fact he killed a woman bc he was angry w his dad, i’d say it’s fairly safe to assume lmao) but ever since he came back his reactions and emotions have been pretty much never once been rational, stable or consistent.

(and like i wanna say i am saying all of this from the perspective of the bad days. so if you’re thinking ‘well, ben isn’t like that all the time’ ur right. neither am i. some days i’m fine, some days it’s not that bad, sometimes i can cope. but i still have bpd, even on those days. and imo, so does ben.)

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness

this is one i don’t really see in ben. we maybe see moments of emptiness, but certainly not enough to call it ‘chronic’.

also a lot of the moments we do see emptiness in ben, i feel like it’s forced emptiness, more for his own benefit or for the benefit of others rather than actual genuine emptiness. it’s not that he’s not feeling anything, it’s that what he is feeling he’s not showing. that’s very different from actually feeling empty.

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

this! is! such! a! massive! part! of! having! bpd! and it’s a part that no one ever fucking talks about either!!!

and again, does this one need explaining?

ben is anger. he’s a ball of it, and he has been for a very, very long time. he’s angry at his dad, at the world, at himself. for all sorts of reasons, both complex and simple. if i sat here and tried to get into all of it this post would be twice as long as it already is. and i don’t think i really need to, anyway. it’s not as if any of us need to dig very deep to see it, is it?

‘frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights’ like i really don’t need to elaborate do i? bc what does ben do when he’s angry? his temper flairs up, he gets physical, lashes out, makes threats.

and he’s so often angry in response to emotional pain, which is the saddest (and for me, most relatable) part. just look at paul’s anniversary, how angry he was just in general, to everyone - even his mum, who is like the only exception to his anger since he’s been back - when he was just hurting and sad. how angry he got when he found out keanu had replaced him in phil’s will, when really he was just hurt. he gets angry and violent so people don’t see him as weak bc he’s hurting. he has been conditioned to get angry instead of getting sad. it’s not healthy at all.

there is so much more but i feel like it’s unnecessary for me to get into it. bc u know. ben’s not exactly subtle in his anger is he lmao

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

this is the only other one that i don’t see in ben at all, and it’s one that i don’t really experience myself either so i don’t even have any insight to offer lmao

so!! more or less 7/9!! that’s a passing grade for diagnosis!!! welcome to the club, mr mitchell!!!!

all of this, of course, has been purely from a medical, diagnostic standpoint (w some of my personal experiences sprinkled in lmao). there’s so much more to say from like a ‘living w bpd day to day’ standpoint but like, this post is already way too fuckin long so i’m just gonna hit on a few that i feel are important in regards to ben, and ones i have’t spoken abt yet

most ppl w bpd have a ‘fp’ or ‘favourite person’ (tho it can be multiple people), which sounds nice but it’s kind of a really complicated and difficult thing tbqh. here’s the best definition i could find: ‘When someone with BPD uses the term “favorite person” to describe someone else, they are typically insinuating that this is a person they cannot survive without. For BPD sufferers, the favorite person is the person who is a source of emotional support and dependence. This individual has the ability to truly impact the BPD sufferer’s day in either a positive or negative manner. The favorite person to someone with BPD holds a critical role in their lives by holding the power to ‘make or break’ the successful navigation of daily tasks and struggles.’ it’s a difficult thing to explain/understand (so please feel free to google ‘favourite person bpd’ to get a better understanding), and is not always as dramatic as it sounds, but it’s like… even if they aren’t a source of ‘emotion support’, ur mental wellbeing can hang on this person’s every move. (which is not healthy, i know, but it’s just a thing that happens w bpd!) and phil is absolutely ben’s fp. ben hates phil, and yet is still so desperate to be in his good graces, in his life no matter what that costs him… and ben’s self esteem, his actions, his moods are so dependant on phil. it just?? makes so much sense to me. i realize it may not make much sense to someone who doesn’t have any understanding of what a fp is, but like if u do, i’m sure u see what i see.

i think maybe jay was another fp of ben for a while in the past. i don’t think he is as much since ben has come back, but in the past?? maybe. like less in the ‘my happiness is dependant on u’ way and more in like a ‘i’m very very attached to u and need u in my life and would maybe go crazy if anything or anyone got in the way of that’ way.

and i think callum might be sneaking into territory now too tbqh. it would explain why callum’s actions and words have such an impact on ben’s moods despite not much really happening between them. and like i wanna say: someone becoming ur fp is not a choice. it just happens. it’s not like ben is going ‘oh im going to get overly attached to u just for a laugh’, no. this would be completely out of his control. and when it happens, it fucking SUCKS. so if that is what’s happening, it’s going to have a massive impact on ben - and it seems like it already is.

and like taking the whole fp thing out of it (bc i know it’s complicated and hard to grasp) bpd would explain why ben seems to be so attached to callum even tho very little has actually happened between them!!! like bpd will have u falling in love w someone who just shows you basic human kindness and decency, and i mean that very literally!!! bc like i said when you have bpd, you struggle to navigate and handle basic emotions, so all the nuances of romance and love? jesus christ. it goes back into black and white thinking - i either love this person or i hate this person, there is no in between. so callum, showing ben kindness? showing him support with what’s going on w louise and what happened w phil? not hating him and thinking he’s despicable and evil and all those things people say about him? and ben, having bpd? he probably wouldn’t be able to comprehend that maybe cal’s just being friendly, esp not after they slept together. so ofc he would latch tf on to that. i would latch tf on to that. his behaviour towards callum just seems very on brand for having bpd to me, genuinely.

and !! all those things whitney said the other night !! people complained about him not arguing back, but like… she’s almost saying what ben wants to hear, when it comes to callum. bc i touched on it before but like the thing is when, you have bpd ur thought process is like ‘i care about this person, they are good, i don’t deserve them, i am bad, i am going to ruin them, i’m probably manipulating them into spending time with me and caring about me, but i can’t let them go, i need them, i bet they don’t even like me, i don’t deserve them, i don’t want them to get hurt, i don’t want to hurt them, i am going to hurt them, in the end.’ (and eventually it spirals into ‘actually they’re probably going to hurt me first bc everyone always does so let me completely destroy this relationship so it’s unrecoverable and hurt them now so they can’t hurt me later’ but that’s another story) and whitney more or less confirms that for him!!! in essence, what she says to him is ‘you’re bad, he didn’t want anything to do with you but you manipulated him into it. you don’t deserve him, you’ve hurt him, you’ve hurt me, how could you do this?’ so like… ofc he’s not gonna argue w her. he’s already had a shit day, all of the fight is gone from him, and he agrees w her!! i’m sure he was thinking that he deserved what whit was throwing at him - not necessarily for what he’d done to her, but because he is Bad and callum is Good and he needs to stay away from him, otherwise he’ll ruin him. bc that’s just what bpd brain tells u, even when u’ve got no basis to believe it. (unless ur splitting or experiencing a big emotional high, but again, that’s a different story)

and that kind of makes sense as to why he’d go to the wedding. going back to the anger instead of sadness thing - he’s hurting, so he’s going to get angry and vengeful. he has been hurt, so now he is going to hurt in return. esp considering both callum and whitney have seen him in such a vulnerable state. it’s probably a pride thing, too.

also just to expand a little more on the ‘unstable sense of self’ thing - ppl w bpd (and also victims of abuse, but sometimes that particular venn diagram is a circle) tend to change the personality based on who they’re with. which is what most people do, yes, but i mean the Extreme version. it’s a trauma response thing - u’ll reflect parts of a person’s personality back at them, or even take bits from personalities of ppl u know they like in the hopes that they’ll like u more like that, as opposed to ur real personality (if u even know what that is). and sometimes those parts stick (esp when you idolize the person u stole them from/they’re your fp), and it’s like u all of a sudden realize ur entire personality is built of parts of other ppls personalities that you’ve stolen. so it makes sense to me that ben seems to have so many differing personalities/sides to his personality, bc he’s learned which parts to show to who, and in what situations - in response to his abuse as a kid, if nothing else.

(and before anyone can even go there: that is not an act of manipulation. it’s a trauma response. it’s something that happens without us consciously having any say in it, as a way of self-preservation. it’s like if i make myself likeable and appealing to u, you’re less likely to hurt me, physically or emotionally. and yes ben has a habit of manipulation, but this is not a part of it. none of ben’s manipulation is directly bc of his hypothetical bpd, it’s bc that’s just who he is. i don’t ever want to see the two equated, or see anyone say any shit like ‘ben must have bpd bc he’s manipulative’, ever.)

just for the hell of it, here are some spicy bpd memes, bc that’s how we communicate on the internet. (here are two in particular seem quite relevant to ben rn lmao + bonus one for phil!!)

so! there we are!!! i’m sure there’s some important stuff i overlooked and that this is not what u expected when u sent me this question, but there are so many misconceptions and stigmas out there surrounding bpd that i wouldn’t have felt right half assing it. and i hope, if nothing else, u learned something abt bpd that u didn’t know before :-)

if u read this far ur a trooper lmao but if anyone has any questions, be they abt ben having bpd or bpd in general please feel free to ask!! i’ll do my best to answer them to the best of my ability 💖💖

#ben mitchell #ballum #eastenders #petty as hell but it was really bugging me that this wasnt showing up in tags so i'm posting it again lmao #sorry if u already liked/replied to it :-(#bpd #anon #question

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e350tb · 5 years

Text

Steven Universe: Marooned Together - Chapter Forty-Eight

Chapter Forty-Eight

“You guys sure you’re gonna be alright?” asked Lars.

“I can help,” added Sadie, “I…”

“We don’t know if the Diamonds have an override for you,” said Garnet. “Until we can check back on New Earth, it’s safer if you go back to the Sun Incinerator.”

“I… okay, yeah.” Sadie nodded. “Good luck, guys.”

Stevonnie, Lapis and Garnet watched as Lars, Sadie and Lenny disappeared back down the dark corridor. Stevonnie bit their lip, turning away from them and gazing ahead - there was a set of doors ahead, open just a crack - enough to expose the total darkness within. They swallowed.

Lapis took their hand.

“You okay?” she asked.

Stevonnie nodded.

“Yeah,” they said. “I’m fine.”

Slowly, they stepped forward, heading into the unknown. Stevonnie went first, sliding gently through the crack and onto the other side.

“Okay,” they said, turning around. “Now it’s your-”

SLAM.

Stevonnie jumped back as the door slammed shut, leaving them alone in darkness. As the echo of the crashing slam slowly died away, they could hear muffled pounding on the door, and cries of their name.

“Lapis!” they cried.

They reached for the door, trying to get their fingers into the crack to pull it open. It was nearly completely useless - not even their nails fit.

“Hold on!” they shouted, “I’ll try to find a way around!”

“Hello, Rose.”

The hairs on the back of their neck prickled, and though there were about a million things they would rather do at that moment, Stevonnie turned around.

A small ray of natural light shone through the old roof, just enough to create a narrow spotlight - underneath it stood a porcelien-white pearl, her eye cracked, her mouth twisted (there was no other word) into a smile. She floated a few inches off the ground, her remaining eye almost unfocused even as it stared at them.

“White Diamond’s Pearl,” they whispered.

“Starlight,” said White Pearl. It sounded like a greeting.

“I know who you really are,” growled Stevonnie.

“As do I - even if you don’t.”

White Pearl’s smile widened ever so slightly.

“In fact, I know a lot more than you think,” she continued. “I’m very glad you’ve come here, Starlight - sometimes you have to break a gem to save her. And nothing breaks a gem quite like the truth…”

“What?” Stevonnie titled their head.

“Oh Starlight… did you really think your ‘rebellion’ was unique?”

White Pearl extended an arm and clicked her fingers. A light burst into being, brilliant and white, shining onto a mural on the wall. It was White Diamond, arms extended - but her gem looked markedly different. It was flat both on top and on the bottom, and it seemed considerably larger.

“Long ago,” she said, “White Diamond was whole.”

---

“We have to get through to them!”

Lapis pounded on the wall, both with her hands and giant, watery fists - the sturdy structure refused to budge an inch. Garnet paced behind her, looking around for an alternative way inside. She could see nothing, just the corridor stretching back the way they had come.

“We can try another floor,” she declared, “Maybe…”

“I wouldn't do that if I were you.”

A section of wall to their left shifted, undergrowth brushed aside. A pair of Chrysalis drones floated out, followed by the tiny form of Aquamarine, wand extended. Then, floating in her stasis aura behind her, came a prisoner…

“C?”

C was hurled to the ground - she already looked battered, her visor cracked and her hair ruffled.

“Your friends,” sniffed Aquamarine, “left this defect behind when they fled the foyer.”

“That's not true,” coughed C, “I… I told ‘em to go ahead… they… they're already halfway back to the Sun Incinerator, and when they get-”

Aquamarine flicked up her wand, and C was sent hurtling into the roof with a mighty crash. She flicked down again, slamming her to the floor once more.

“Now here’s how this is going to work,” declared Aquamarine. “Either you'll surrender, or I'll shatter this dumb little Peridot against the wall…”

---

“When White Diamond was young,” continued White Pearl, “she was plagued with imperfections. And so she trimmed them off. Her stubbornness and inflexibility became Yellow. Her irrationality and emotiveness became Blue. And her distracting empathy and passion became…”

Stevonnie looked down at their gem and rubbed it.

“Pink,” they said.

“No,” said White Pearl. “You.”

She snapped her fingers once more. Two more lights - yellow and blue - illuminated the images of the respective Diamonds. Each sat on a large chair, like that which had been on the moon base, leaning down - they seemed to be listening to a small figure.

“Each of them was young and inexperienced - each of them had their own ideas. Each of them needed a test of loyalty.”

“A… test?” Stevonnie tilted their head.

“Their first colony,” said White Pearl. “Always chosen to meet the right criteria - an organic civilisation in a pre-industrial state, unusual natural ‘beauty,’ production of coarse and unrefined gems like quartzes and rubies. That alone was temptation to doubt the natural order - but White Diamond knew they needed one more thing. A specially constructed factor…”

White Pearl glanced towards the small figure in Yellow Diamond’s mural.

“A temptress.”

“A… what?”

White Pearl’s smile changed - now it felt almost familiar. The voice that came next sounded vastly different, almost like a recording.

“You look so happy.”

Stevonnie shook their head.

“I… I don't understand…”

“They won't find out,” continued White Pearl, “Because you look just like a quartz… you changed you shape for a day!”

The penny dropped.

“No…” Stevonnie stepped back. “You can't… that doesn't make sense…”

“What if we took some time to explore some of Earth's other features?”

“Stop… stop!”

“Oh, but it makes sense, doesn't it Starlight?” White Pearl continued. “It was her idea to go to Earth. It was her idea for you to become Rose Quartz… or was it Lemon Quartz? Or Blue Quartz? And why was her gem on her forehead, Starlight? Why did she wear all four colours?”

“She… she wasn't…”

“She was.”

White Pearl snapped her fingers once more. A fourth mural was lit up - this one of a single, pale Pearl.

“A perfectly imperfect pearl,” she said. “Guiding you down the road to rebellion - just as I wanted her to. You're only unique in that you are the only one to have failed the test.”

Her smile, though it never shifted, seem to take on a new, sinister quality that sent shivers down the fusion’s spine.

“It destroyed her, you know. To find out.”

---

“Aquamarine,” snarled Lapis, “I’m gonna shatter you into…”

“No.”

Garnet’s gauntlets vanished as she slowly raised her hands.

“Clearly you have proven yourself superior,” she said. “We surrender unconditionally.”

“What?!”

Aquamarine’s grin could perhaps be described as the kind associated with consuming human waste.

“Very good choice, fusion,” she said condescendingly. “Perhaps now the Diamonds will show you a little undeserved mercy.”

“Garnet, you can’t-”

Garnet turned to her, and just barely through her visor, she could just about see a wink.

“-I mean, yes Aquamarine, I surrender to your…” She took in the impish form before her. “...tremendous might.”

“Oh, you flatter me,” sniffed Aquamarine. “Surrendering to save a common Peridot? Pathetic.”

“We’re… Peridot enthusiasts,” said Lapis.

“Or at least she was once,” said Garnet.

“Garnet.”

“There’s just two things I want to know,” said Garnet. “Where’s Topaz?”

“Guarding my… esteemed colleague 4DT,” replied Aquamarine, crossing her arms, “Why do you care?”

Garnet smiled.

“Buying time,” she replied. “Second question - have you ever seen the main cannon of the Sun Incinerator in use?”

“What?”

Garnet’s grin widened - she grabbed Lapis and leapt to the ground as a purple beam smashed through the wall.

---

“Destroyed…” Stevonnie’s eyes widened. “Pearl’s alive?! Where is she?”

“Pearl?” White Pearl replied. “That Pearl led you astray, Starlight. She was designed to tempt you, and to be reset when you passed your test - which you didn’t, because of her. Why would you ever trust her again?”

“Because I care about her!” replied Stevonnie.

“Like she cared about you?” White Pearl seemed almost to chuckle. “She cared about you because I wanted her to. None of it was genuine. None of it was real. She was a puppet-”

“No, she wasn’t!” thundered Stevonnie. “She’s my family! It doesn’t matter where she came from, she’s a Crystal Gem and-”

“The Crystal Gems are a lie, Starlight,” said White Pearl, “You really must stop fooling yourself. Or shall I remind you of that creed?”

“No!”

“Fight for life on the planet Earth… or was it Gourlbun or Ai’namsat?”

“Shut up!”

“Defend all human beings… or whatever other indigenous life forms… even the ones that you don't understand…”

“Stop!”

“Believe in love that is out of anyone's control…”

“I’m warning you!” Stevonnie clutched their sword.

White Pearl seemed to stare into their soul as she continued regardless.

“And then risk everything f-”

Stevonnie thrust forward. Their sword slid right into White Pearl’s chest.

For a long time, there was silence. They felt their arm shaking, tears pricking at the corner of their eyes.

“It was all a lie, Starlight,” whispered White Pearl.

“I… I don’t care.”

White Pearl disappeared into a cloud of smoke.

Stevonnie fell to their knees, feeling sick to their stomach. Their sword clattered to the ground beside them, and their hands shook uncontrollably.

They never noticed the crash from the door, and barely reacted to the blinding sunlight that suddenly streamed in. Only when they felt themself suddenly yanked up into the sky did they look up - they found themself staring into Lapis’ sapphire orbs as they flew up towards the Sun Incinerator. The gem shot them a smile.

“It’s okay,” she said. “I’ve got you.”

Stevonnie breathed in deeply through their nose. Slowly, they glanced back down at the wrecked temple, the face of White Diamond blasted away, and sighed slowly.

“It doesn’t matter,” they whispered, “I’ll find her.”

---

Lars stared at the bubble in front of him, inside which was contained Aquamarine’s gem.

“What do we do with that?” he asked.

“There’s a prison on New Earth,” replied C. “Well, it’s really a detention centre, but… it’s where they keep Commander Lewis. They’ll probably have space there.”

Lars nodded.

“Okay then,” he said, “Twins, get us home.”

“Aye Captain!”

“Yes Captain!”

Lars turned to Sadie, standing next to the captain’s chair, staring at her mechanical, detached fingers. He reached out, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“You okay?”

Sadie exhaled, long and slow.

“I’m gonna be.”

In the back of the bridge, ignored by the others, Lapis and Stevonnie sat against the wall - the fusion had just finished telling their girlfriend their story. Lapis bit her lip, looking up towards the roof.

“...it doesn’t feel fake,” she said at last.

“That’s what I'm thinking,” agreed Stevonnie. “Mom didn’t fail a test. Maybe Blue and Yellow did.”

They shook their head.

“But if everyone finds out…”

“The way I see it,” replied Lapis. “The rebellion isn’t Pink Diamond’s anymore. It’s yours. It doesn’t matter what she did, or where it came from - just where it goes.”

Stevonnie chuckled.

“You’ve come a long way, Laps.”

“I learned from the best,” replied Lapis.

She leaned in and pecked Stevonnie on the cheek. They giggled, putting an arm over her shoulder.

“Lapis,” they asked, “will you help me find Pearl? I mean, when I find out where to start looking, do you want…”

Lapis placed her index finger on Stevonnie’s mouth and smiled.

“Always.”

#steven universe #marooned together #stevonnie #lapis lazuli #lars barriga #sadie miller #garnet #aquamarine #white pearl #lapvonnie #larsadie #white diamond

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terresdebrume · 5 years

Text

Early birthday-related musing

So I mentioned not long ago that I’d probably need to do a self-reflecting birthday post at some point, and I didn’t particularly meant to make it now since there’s still two weeks left before that happens, but now I have a work thing and a bit of a click moment to share, so let’s go.

I can always make another post later on if I want to, anyway.

The work thing, which is very stupid, is that I got a (collective) email from the guy who replaced my friend Julie as the teacher’s coordinator mid-April (1). It’s nothing very big, just sharing the criteria for teachers’ inspections in the form of a self-assessment sheet, and as I looked over it in the most cursory way possible my brain went through half a dozen reasons why it sucked and was a Bad Idea, and then just as quickly found a dozen reasons why my own arguments against the sheet were bullshit.

Which was frustrating because righteous annoyance is easy to deal with...or at least easier than more nuanced things, but I suppose it’s morally better to be fair so I have to accept it or something.

Anyway, my brain went through that whole process in about two or three minutes, I wondered why the fuck the strong reaction (2) and then I realized I just didn’t want things to change. I don’t like things changing, which now that I’m thinking about it is kind of—as self realizations go, this one is actually hilariously long overdue, I think. It might...have something to do with denial. Sort of.

But anyway: I don’t like things changing.

I like when my life is mostly predictable (I am open to improvisation, but I prefer it when its stays within some parameters: you can spring a somewhat-last-minute outing on me if I know you and we’re doing something familiar, for example, but if you want to do something new I prefer to have time to brace myself) I like when things stay the same for a long time, I like when I don’t have to wonder about the state of my life and I can just know about the things that are important to me.

And when things have to change, as they do, I prefer the change to be immediate and immediately complete.

Which, you know. I feel like it explains a lot of things in my life.

That’s why I dawdled forever about getting a tattoo (I thought of it on and off from age twelve to twenty one/two) but once I’d actually made the decision I booked the appointment right away and the fear I had of it vanished entirely.

It’s why I waited long past a comfortable point to leave my parents’ house and when I did, nearly accepted a position that wouldn’t have made me happy—but also never envisioned myself moving from one country to the other on the regular. A lot of my colleagues want that—for me, it was always very clear that the only reason I’d have to move country once I settled somewhere would be if country one turned out to be a terrible fit. Luckily for me, Cambodia hasn’t, and so I’m staying for the foreseeable future.

That’s why I have taken literally zero steps toward beginning my transition (legal or medical) so far, an attitude further compounded by the fact that a) transitioning, by definition, is not a thing you can do over a couple of days, or week,s or even months, and b) I have no idea where to start. Oh, and also c) I have no idea how the people around me will react and considering I already don’t correct people on my pronouns because I don’t want to risk introducing tensions in the relationships. (3)

That is, probably, also why birthdays can be a bit...tricky.

I mean. The actual celebrations are easy and fun, even with the questions they bring—it’s the mental shift that’s hard? Because, well, there’s a change in number that doesn’t feel like that much of a change at all, though it feels like it should change something. Because, on some levels, I would like it to change some things?

Part of it is that I’ve been told, more or less implicitly, that I should want to change, that I should not be content with my routine. It was in the way my parents pushed me to reach for more or occasionally bemoaned my lack of ambition, it was in the way society romanticizes adventurous spirits in most types of narratives, it was in the way those of my uni classmates who weren’t planning to work in France often seemed to go with a ‘one year, one country’ mindset (nevermind that a bunch of them have yet to leave the first country they went to work in). When I look around me, it feels like normal people are supposed to want changes in their lives and so it feels like I should want that, too.

Another, not-at-all-insignificant part is, well, there are things I would love to change. Small things like my mastery of khmer (4) and big things like having transitioned, like knowing what I want out of life, like maybe meeting someone I could get romantic with at some point, even if my criteria and fantasies in that domain seem to be on the odd end of the spectrum (5).

I don’t know where I was going with this. I don’t like change. Most of the time it’s not a problem, I feel. Only sometimes, when I do want to change, I feel like there’s this...rigid part of me that just doesn’t know how to and consequently maybe won’t let me. Like there’s a glass wall between me and the things I’d like to do and I don’t know how to deal with it.

Sometimes, it makes me needlessly emotional, I guess.

(1) It’s not that I want to check my work emails while off the clock, it’s just that I use an email aggregator and if I take my work inbox out of it I’m never going to consult it ever again, so there’s that. At least my work emails aren’t connected to my phone.

(2) also wondered if that was a case of unchecked racism, considering the guy is from North Africa (not sure which country) but I don’t think it’s that because I tend to react the same way when the Super Boss (the equivalent of our branch manager?) introduces new things too, though I’ll need to keep an eye on the intensity of things in the future, I think.

(3) My osteopath in France once told me I wasn’t afraid of people but of what I didn’t know. I hate the thought, but I think he was probably right. It’s sad to say, but I think the fact that my father’s reaction to my coming out (the general gist of it, though not exactly the intensity of it) was so predictable actually made it easier for me to deal with it...and would make it really hard to deal with him somehow coming around.

(4) By which I mean it would be awesome fi I could just click my fingers and be fluent in khmer. I’ve forgotten what it was like to struggle to understand English and frankly, I do not miss that time at all.

(5) In my dreams, a romantic partner is first and foremost a friend, and switching from one to the other changes practically nothing in the relationship dynamics. Same things, just done with a bit of a different understanding. Then again, in my dreams, communication is easy and flows without a hitch and arguments are easily resolved so, you know, wishful thinking.

#My Posts #Matt has a life #Shit from home #It's my birthday month and that means Questions #Tho honestly this is a. WAY MORE ZEN than...literally any of my previous birthdays #even when taking the whole 'I wanna be transitioned but I don't actually want to transition' nonsense into account #and even way more zen than I expected it to be at this time last week #so all in all? not bad

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samwell-actually · 6 years

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Holsom Fic-Rec

Although I have my all-time favorite OMGCP fic bookmarked on my Ao3 page, I wanted to compile a master list of all of my favorite OMGCP Ao3 fic to have in one place on my tumblr. And since I’m that neurotic, I thought it might also be nice to break-up each ship as well:

Two Minutes for Holding | halfabreath One-Shot, 2k Ransom is a team physician and Holster is a referee. They first meet on the ice during a particularly physical Aces v. Falcs game.

not funny | applecrumbledore One-Shot, 9k This whole thing feels so weird, like they're betraying some clause of the homosocial bro code that says it's only for fun, you can't actually be gay, like they're letting someone down. But on the other hand, being with each other is the most natural thing they've ever done. Like a chemical reaction, or two halves of something whole, or one of those hand puzzles where the two pieces of metal are all twisted around each other, or the logical and satisfying conclusion of a really good book.

Score | emmagrant01 One-Shot, 12k Ransom and Holster like to score goals for each other, and they like to take care of each other. It was probably just a matter of time before those two things became entangled.

What I Wanted Was to Fall Asleep | halfabreath One-Shot, 5k The gods are real, which everyone knows, but when they’re not fighting among themselves they’re usually partying and humans have generally learned to accept their meddling without too much complaining. Ransom just never thought he’d actually know someone who’d been god-touched and he never, ever expected that it would be Holster. Alternatively: Holster becomes a tree.

Five Things Adam Birkholtz Learns in HDFS 332: Healthy Couple Relationships | EllyAvon Completed Multi-Chapter, 6k HDFS 332: Healthy Couple Relationships is just the night class Holster is taking with Lardo to fulfill one of his core requirements. He doesn't expect it to drastically change his life. OR: The Weirdest Healthy Relationships PSA Ever. OR: Wholesome Holsom

In a Different Frame | sunfair One-Shot, 4k Holster is determined to become somebody's boyfriend. Too bad he's kind of an idiot. He figures it out, though.

BFFWB | emmagrant01 One-Shot, 7k Ransom's schedule this semester leaves no time for a sex life. Holster has a solution for that. (Set fall 2014)

Seasonal Drinks | rhysiana Completed Multi-Chapter, 1k An AU in which Ransom and Holster never met in college. Thank goodness for the local coffee shop.

someone as good for me as you | astrolesbian One-Shot, 7k “So tell me,” Justin’s mother says, all business, “is your boy going to propose?” “What, Jack?” Justin says, and doesn’t really think much of it, because his mother eats up the details of Jack and Bitty and JackandBitty like Holster eats up rom-coms. His mother sighs, and he can practically hear her rolling her eyes. “No, baby, I meant Adam.”

what is the meaning of this? | kleinergruenerkaktus Multi-Part Series, 13k Ransom has a system, and it was working just fine before Holster came along.

There Were Fireflies | Schuyler One-Shot, 3k Holster has never been weird about shit like this before. They’ve been friends for, what? Almost a decade? And Holster has never said anything bad about guys who date other guys. Hell, they lived in a house with Jack and Bits. But Ransom goes on two dates with a guy and Holster goes ballistic.

blink back to let me know | nighimpossible One-Shot, 4k Justin is a medical student in Boston and Holster is working in New York.Things were a lot easier before they became real people.

Here’s a Man in Evenin’ Clothes | halfabreath One-Shot, 5k Ransom's estimating that they've got another 3.75 hours until the last people trickle out of the Haus. 3.75 hours, 225 minutes.Holster grins, flushed and disheveled and handsome as Justin has ever seen him, and suddenly he knows he's not going to be able to wait another 225 minutes before kissing him. Or: Epikegster toga porn

Keep It | petals42_tumbler (rosepetals42) Completed Multi-Chapter, 18k At the start of their senior year, Ransom is dating March and Holster is okay. Of course he is. Except when he's not.

cabin fever | theghostofjamespotter One-Shot, 5k “Dude. You didn’t score a single goal.” He’s beaming, chin resting on Ransom’s thigh. “And you came in like, under five minutes.” or, the forfeit fifa fic no one has asked for. just bros being bros and somehow accidentally hooking up.

How to Romance a Hockey Player | Tintinnabulation_of_the_Bells One-Shot, 7k After Holster comes out, Ransom needs a plan. A plan to make his best friend fall in love with him. What could possibly go wrong?

the lucky ones | screamlet Completed Multi-Chapter, 17k They made the decision to drive to Myrtle Beach when Holster found the fucking sweetest cottage near the beach.

guard/hit/hammer | halfabreath One-Shot, 2k Justin Oluransi is a gold medalist, and he has no idea what he's doing. (Ransom and Holster's first kiss happens on a tiny couch on the world's biggest stage.)

first love, late spring | lehtonen One-Shot, 12k “Right.” Ransom still looks serious, but there’s a sinister glint in his eye that Holster gloomily recognises as contemplation. “What’s in it for us?”Holster whips his head round to stare at him so fast his neck twinges in three different places. “Nothing is in it for us,” he hisses sotto voce, “or did you not hear the part where we’d be dating?”

Ransom and Holster’s Guide to Shennanigans | Tintinnabulation_of_the_Bells One-Shot, 8k Ransom and Holster have been together since June, but they keep it low key. Maybe even a little too low key. Shenanigans ensue because, hey, it's awfully hard for the team to set them up when they've already been dating for months.

Just bros being bros | blue_eyed, growlery One-Shot, 7k Rans and Holster have a busy semester, so they start planning their bro-time. But its not like they're dating, right?

all my time is yours as is mine | halfabreath One-Shot, 1k No one knows how long Holster's been alive. No one knows how much time Ransom has left. Everyone knows about things. Not everyone has one, but everyone that does has a different word for it. Gifts. Abilities. Talents. Purpose. Superpowers. Quirks. Most things are small, but sometimes, in very rare circumstances, they’re all encompassing and terrifying. There’s a reason Ransom and Holster call them curses.

Give a Little Bit (of Your Time to Me) | Tintinnabulation_of_the_Bells Completed Multi-Chapter, 21k In a world where Adam Birkholtz never went to Samwell, he loses a beer pong bet to Lardo and winds up refereeing a rec hockey game for one freshly broken-hearted Justin Oluransi. For once in his life, Justin is totally out of his league.

Adam Birkholtz's Foolproof Guide to the Perfect Birthday | akadiene One-Shot, 6k On March 28th, 2016, Justin Oluransi, co-captain of the Samwell Men’s Hockey team and love of Holster’s life, is turning 23. It's also the day Holster dies.

Always Halfway to Go | halfabreath Incomplete Multi-Chapter, 33k While at Samwell, Ransom gets a job at the Rec center teaching water aerobics. Generally his class is filled to the brim with old ladies and their husbands, so he’s shocked to arrive at class at the beginning of the semester and find Adam Birkholtz, ex-hockey player, who’s there to supplement his physical therapy with gentle cardio.Things only get more complicated from there.

Detachment Studies | Tiptoe39 Completed Multi-Chapter, 4k A soulmate doesn't always mean a lover. But it does mean an attachment that's hard when it breaks. Luckily, there's the field of detachment studies -- how to mitigate the cognitive damage done when one loses a soulmate. Ransom's going to become a specialist in the field and prove that there's life after detachment. And he's going to practice what he preaches -- by leaving his own soulmate behind.

Salt-Mates | orphan account One-Shot, 4k Losing is dog in the park, Adam Birkholtz is pretty sure he's about to experience his worst day. Until he finds his dog sat quietly with a gorgeous man on a bench, a Harry Potter book in his hand, giving a lecture to the animal about the tragedy that befell Remus Lupin. That's when things get a little bit...strange.

This is Why We’re Medical Proxies | SecretGeniusShittyKnight One-Shot, 4k Holster gets sick. Then he gets a hospital stay. Then he gets high. Then he gets a boyfriend.

pH balance | alcatraz One-Shot, 2k “I can’t believe you have a crush on a white boy who unironically wears cut-off sweatpants,” she says gleefully. “This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.”

Have We Been Boyfriends This Whole Time? | rhysiana One-Shot, 1k Post-college socializing is harder to organize than Ransom expected. Fortunately, his best bro is there for him. In every way.

Future Perfect | Tintinnabulation_of_the_Bells Completed Multi-Chapter, 14k WANTED: COMMITTED MONOGAMOUS COUPLES Are you and your significant other in a committed, monogamous relationship? Have you been dating for at least six months? Are you living together? If you meet these criteria (and you are at least 18 years old), you may be eligible to participate in a COMPENSATED study (up to $300) on love and decision making. Please call 617-555-7864 or email [email protected]. The moment he sees the sign, Holster knows he's struck gold. The only problem is, he and Ransom aren't technically dating. But who are romance and technicalities to stand in the way of a business scheme that's bound to go according to plan?

Tailspinners | rhysiana One-Shot, 1k In which Holster runs a literacy non-profit, Ransom is a pediatrician new to town, and Bitty is the Youth Services librarian who brings them together.

don we now our fake romances | DizzyRedhead One-Shot, 4k Justin notices that Holster is looking a little run-down. But there's no problem that their awesome broness can't solve. Right?

wanna be your romeo | leetlebird Completed Multi-Chapter, 50k Holster's always said 'fuck the lax bros,' but when he meets Ransom, a new transfer student on the lacrosse team, Holster realizes he wants to be a gentleman and date a lax bro first. (Ransom doesn't think Holster's too bad, either.) As Ransom and Holster navigate their own secret relationship, their teams band together to get Nursey and Dex to stop fighting by any means necessary - even if that means setting them up on a date. (Romeo and Juliet AU + Much Ado about Nothing AU. Dramatic misunderstandings can only be solved with One Direction, secret make-out sessions, snickerdoodles, Jerry's dates, and - finally - some communication.)

Literary Inspirations | Tintinnabulation_of_the_Bells Multi-Part Series, 15k The possibilities of life are infinite, but time is not. Certain things, like college years, like hockey careers, like the time for your best friend to fall in love with you, have expiration dates. Justin's just afraid he's missed his chance.

the masculinisation and romanticisation of art criticism through the framework of sports-related injuries (or, gross and beautiful) | heyfightme One-Shot, 2k ransom is a gross pre-med hockey boy. holster indulges him. art is created.

The One with All the Kissing | halfabreath One-Shot, 2k In which Holster messes up, gets way more action than he anticipates, and really is Chandler.

The New Ref | rhysiana One-Shot, 1k Ransom is the on-call emergency dentist at the Falconers' games. Holster is the new ref. Lardo and Shitty are matchmaking busybodies.

The World Still Spins | lecrivaineanonyme One-Shot, 5k Justin had first learned about the theory of paradigm shifts back in junior year during his class on the history and philosophy of science. It was just another definition for one of the short answers in the midterm exam: a fundamental change in the basic concepts of and experimental practices within a given scientific discipline. It was a benign factoid to be stored away, something to be revisited in a later essay: compare and contrast the views of Thomas Kuhn and Karl Popper on the scientific process. He hadn’t understood just how jarring such a fundamental shift could be until he broke up with Adam. (Happy ending!)

Homecoming | Tintinnabulation_of_the_Bells One-Shot, 10k Each December, Justin brings Holster home for Christmas. Each time, it means something new.

Division One Defense Duo To Reunite Saturday | the ghostofjamespotter One-Shot, 1k Flyers Defenseman Justin Oluransi will play against Adam Birkholtz of the Pittsburgh Penguins, for the first time since the two were college D-partners.

Bittle Birkholtz Brousins | halfabreath Multi-Part Series, 19k When Eric Bittle is 8 years old his Aunt Judy marries a Northeasterner named Jacob Birkholtz and suddenly he’s not the weirdest cousin anymore, it’s this gangly 12 year old named Adam who Did Not Want to move to Georgia and now they’re stuck in the same town together.

Bull City Blues | rhysiana Incomplete Multi-Chapter, 11k In which Ransom chooses Duke for medical school, the boys move to Durham, and Holster has to figure out what to do with his life.

One Dance | palateens Complete Multi-Chapter, 7k If he remembers any part of them making out and promptly passing out on the couch the next morning, he doesn’t mention it. Justin would rather avoid making things weird with his best friend while he’s still searching for his soulmate. She’s out there somewhere, and she’s everything he’s ever dreamed of.

The Final Rose | Tintinnabulation_of_the_Bells Incomplete Multi-Chapter, 7k Justin Oluransi quits his job and goes on the reality dating TV show The Bachelor looking to find love. It should be simple, but what he finds is nothing he (or Bachelor host Adam Birkholtz) could ever have imagined of in their wildest dreams.

#holsom #holsom fanfic #omgcp fanfic #fanfic #omgcp #omg check please #check please

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otomesruinedmylife · 6 years

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Comparable characters and routes in otomes to Mystic Messenger

Apologies, as this is going to be a VERY LONG POST AND CONTAINS SPOILERS!!!!!

So you liked Mystic Messenger but have no idea where to go as far as future otomes. That’s okay! Cheritz did a great job with mysme and if you enjoyed it, you’ll no doubt find someone else in an otome you probably enjoy as well, even if it doesn’t have exactly the same mechanics as mysme. For people new to the otome scene, I highly recommend Cheritz previous games if mysme was your intro to otomes, especially Nameless ~the one thing you must recall~ since a lot of the characters are similar counterparts to characters you know.

For this post I’ll be using characters from:

Amnesia: Memories (PC, mobile, PS vita in Japan)

Code: Realize ~guardian of rebirth~ (PS vita, PS4)

Collar x Malice (PS vita)

Dandelion ~wishes brought to you~ (PC)

Nameless ~the one thing you must recall~ (PC)

Norn9: Var Commons (PS vita)

Ozmafia! (PC)

while trying to spoil the least amount of the actual story as possible (aside from the yanderes/yangires).

Now before we do this we have to analyze why you liked the character(s) you did. To do this, bringing up some terminology you might have seen or see later that's used in the community to describe tropes/archetypes characters fit under.

The shota is the cute one, the little one. The one you want to protecc at all costs. Shotas come in many flavors (tsundere, yandere, or just plain sweet) but are always the token mini-moe of the game. Yoosung fits this to a tee. If you liked Yoosung, you may enjoy:

Yeon-ho from Nameless ~the one thing you must recall~ He’s honestly the spiritual predecessor of Yoosung.

Jieun from Dandelion ~wishes brought to you~ More of a kuudere version of this trope, another example of Cheritz heavily leaning on this trope.

Scarlet from Ozmafia! A bit of an inversion of the trope as he’s more than capable of taking care of himself. I’d file him under kuudere shota.

Jiyeon from Dandelion ~wishes brought to you~ Initially upon meeting. His route gives you a better idea of where he should fall in this list, but I won’t spoil it.

Senri Ichinose from Norn9: Var commons. This boy needs all the love in the world, he’s had it rough aka. You fucked up a perfectly good esper, you gave him anxiety.

Soh from Ozmafia! initially upon meeting. His route gives you a better idea of where he should fall in this list, but I won’t spoil it.

Nameless from Nameless ~the one thing you must recall~ though you might find him more of a Saeran predecessor.

The casanova or Bishonen... you know this type. They’re all about telling you how much they want to protect you and sometimes have an overinflated idea of their self-worth (though usually this is hiding insecurities you find out in their own routes). Mostly a harmless bunch who are surprisingly wholesome once you get past their innuendoes. If you liked Zen, you’ll probably enjoy:

Yuri from Nameless ~the one thing you must recall~ again a spiritual predecessor from Cheritz. Yuri is flirtatious and rather lewd but might actually be the most harmless of the Nameless bunch.

Ikki from Amnesia: Memories. Like Zen, this dude has his own fanclub. Need I say more?

Itsuki Kagami from Norn9: Var Commons. And how.

Impey Barbicane from Code: Realize ~guardian of rebirth~Though not completely like Zen, he shares similarities enough. Also similar hairstyle lol.

Mineo Enomoto from Collar x Malice. Probably the biggest stretch here, but he leans heavily on the “all men are animals trope” while being both too old looking to be a shota and usually the butt monkey of the cast.

Megane are technically defined by their glasses, but many share the same no-nonsense attitude and often adroit behaviors, though more due to not being good at socializing than anything else. Like shotas, meganes come in many flavors (most often tsundere or kuudere though). This is usually a male-oriented term, but I find this trope to be the closest to Jaehee. Also because of the lack of female love interests in otomes, this group will be primarily male. If you enjoyed Jahee’s route, you might like:

Kent from Amnesia: Memories. Neither dangerous or as kinkiy as he may look, Kent is just a wholesome megane who doesn’t understand how to human and just really loves math. A good boy and a breath of fresh air from the wild ride that is Amnesia: Memories.

Axel from Ozmafia! Basically the Kent of this game. He’s just a good guy who deserves all the love and sweets in the world. I’d say he’s less of a tsundere due to not being able to emotion, though he has moments.

Pashet from Ozmafia! Finally a female LI! Pashet has striking similarities to Jaehee actually, though not a megane. You might think neko-chan, but she’s actually super competent and kicks ass frequently for her famiglia Boots.

Victor from Code: Realize ~guardian of rebirth~ A good boy, a wholesome boy. I wouldn’t call him a shota, though he’s the closest to a romanceable one in this game. You might also like him if you liked Yoosung.

Lance from Nameless ~the one thing you must recall~ Though not a megane and more of a tsundere, he shows some of the emotional adroitness meganes tend to have, as well as being super competent.

Jihae from Dandelion ~wishes brought to you~ Again, not a megane, but has the politeness and adroitness of a megane as well as showing similar aspects of Jaehee’s personality.

Now here’s where the tropes begin to break down when we look at (arguably) more complex nature of the tropes that make up the stories and personalities of Jumin, Seven, V and Saeran. There will definitely be spoilers from here on out because we have to talk about what happens in their routes and how we see their character progression from our initial idea of them to after their routes. **Extra note: I can’t really find someone quite like V, though there is a special section for tragic backstory further down in this post.

You should already know what a tsundere is, baka! ~ Though no one initially quite fits this bill as classic tsundere in Mystic Messenger, you definitely see it later from Seven. Traditional tsunderes doth protest too much they don’t like the heroine, and usually call you and others ‘baka” (idiot) while hiding behind a chilly exterior. At some point they usually push you away in their route, often because underneath the insults is a cutie who might have already been broken in the past.

Kuuderes are the cool ones. Like tsundere, they use a frosty exterior to hide a deliciously squishy inner romantic but are less vocal about everyone else being idiots or don’t freeze people out because of intelligence/maturity level. Jumin has traits of being a gap moe kuudere. I’d definitely call him this if I was trying to not spoil the yandere parts of his route for someone. I'm lumping these together, but if you liked Seven because he pushed you away and then got over it (tsundere) or Jumin’s frosty initial demeanor (kuudere), you will probably like:

Shin from Amnesia: Memories. A classic, upfront tsundere. Get ready for the baka.

Takeru Sasazuka from Collar x Malice. Another classic, upfront tsundere. Many much baka.

Jiwoo from Dandelion ~wishes brought to you~ Another classic, upfront tsundere. Baka but now in Korean.

Van Helsing from Code: Realize ~guardian of rebirth~ Ah our megane tsundere combo. Van is a little bit of a combination of tropes, but ultimately I’d file him under very mature kuudere/tsundere. Also, call him master in a non-kinky context, he likes it.

Lance from Nameless ~the one thing you must recall~ Kind of an off-type tsundere/kuudere. He’s called the ice prince for a reason.

Caesar from Ozmafia! Classic tsundere. Also immediately apparent he’s a bit ax-crazy for Fuka.

Akito Shukuri from Norn 9: Var commons. Another classic tsundere. All your baka needs.

Kyrie from Ozmafia! is an atypical tsundere but shares traits of one. He definitely thinks you and everyone else are idiots, but doesn’t so much push you away as wonder why you even like him in the first place.

Normally a term used for girls, a genki boy is full of energy to an almost hyperactive degree. If the people around a genki boy are exhausted, astonished, or even creeped out by their chronic outbursts of vitality, then they probably fit the criteria. Often genki boys are in touch with their feminine side, not hetero and/or found cross-dressing either for fun or plot reasons. If you liked Seven because of his initial spunky defender of justice attitude but didn’t like that he went tsundere on you, you will probably enjoy:

Red from Nameless ~the one thing you must recall~ A non-tsundere version of Seven and just all around wholesome boy who actually thinks he’s a hero. Also brought to you by Cheritz.

Heishi Otomaru from Norn9: Var commons. Just for the love of god, don’t break the cutie.

Impey Barbicane from Code: Realize ~guardian of rebirth~ sometimes is also this, though he also shares traits with bishonen/casanovas.

Lupin from Code: Realize ~guardian of rebirth~ Another defender of justice and all around good boy. More mature. Calls himself a gentleman thief and will sweep you off your feet 10/10 times.

Kei Okazaki from Collar x Malice. Also more mature version and less energetic, but shares traits with when you meet Seven initially. He’s quirky and he protecc. He likes weird snacks too.

Dark and troubled past is a pretty obvious trope. Stepford smilers are obsessed with projecting an image of wholesome happiness in order to either be accepted by peers or left alone. The crafted facades of stepford smilers hide a deeply flawed person, usually breaking under the strain of keeping up their deception. They almost always have a Dark and Troubled past, though not everyone with a dark and troubled past ends up being a stepford smiler. If you liked Seven or V because of their tragic backstories and stepford smiling, you might like:

Saint-Germain from Code: Realize ~guardian of rebirth~ Oof, and how. The tragedy cranked up to 11 for this guy. I’d recommend playing his route last of the four because it contains the most spoilers aside from Lupin. And bring the tissues while you’re at it.

Kageyuki Shiraishi from Collar x Malice. Another cranked up to 11, similar to Saint-Germain, just different details. I’d recommend playing his route last of the four because it contains the most spoilers aside from Yanagi’s. And keep those tissues handy while you’re at it.

Actually everyone in Collar x Malice to a degree, it’s just that much worse with Shiraishi.

Ukyo from Amnesia: Memories. Arguably the most tragic of all the characters on this list, Ukyo is without a doubt a tear-jerking finale to the game. Not to be confused with Ura Ukyo also having the classic slasher smile.

All of the dolls in Nameless ~the one thing you must recall~ have emotional baggage, but both Yeon-ho and Tei have more due to being secondhand, as well as Nameless, but Tei might be the most since he’s also clearly experiencing reset theory.

Both Robin Hood and Hamlin from Ozmafia! are pretty tragic. You find out why on their routes.

It's never hinted during his route or others, but Kyrie from Ozmafia! is probably the most tragic of all, you just don’t find out why until fully completing the game. Also, you are a monster if you end up preferring Kyrie’s normal end.

Senri Ichinose from Norn9: Var commons fits this, though lacking the stepford smiling. You get to find out in his route how they broke the cutie.

Jisoo from Dandelion ~wishes brought to you~ has a pretty sad story, but Jihae’s is equally if not more tragic.

If your fav is the guy with the best lines in the game, you probably like the deadpan snarker and might want to look at the tsundere options, as they usually have the most cutting wit and tongues. But if you liked Vanderwood’s cameos or Jumin for his lack of tsundere, you might enjoy:

Kyrie from Ozmafia! And how. The crowned king of deadpan snarking on this list.

Tei from Nameless ~the one thing you must recall~ It’s mostly Yuri on the receiving end of his snark, though others do find themselves victim at times. And yet he’s still called Prince Sunshine...

OKAY BIG HUGE MAJOR SPOILERS AND TRIGGERS HERE!!!! IF YOU DONT WANT SPOILERS OR TRIGGERS HERES A SIMPLIFIED LIST: Non-spoiler list if you liked Jumin’s route (YMMV):

Tei from Nameless ~the one thing you must recall~.

Toma from Amnesia: Memories.

Kageyuki Shiraishi from Collar x Malice.

Non-spoiler list if you liked Ray’s route (YMMV) because of break the cutie and/or dating the enemy tropes:

Yeon-ho from Nameless ~the one thing you must recall~

Ukyo from Amnesia: Memories.

Nameless from Nameless ~the one thing you must recall~

Caesar and Hamlin from Ozmafia!

Natsuhiko Azuma from Norn 9: Var commons.

Kakeru Yuiga from Norn9: Var commons.

NOW ONWARD TO THE YANDERES!!! YOU’VE BEEN WARNED :)

Yanderes are people who will kill for the one they “love” and are obsessed with, going even so far as to stalking, drugging, trapping, raping or even killing the MC so no one else can have them. People tend to either love them or hate them, as they are usually the more complex characters of the games, but it can be hard to see the good aspects of them when they’re busy well... doing yandere things like locking you up, drugging your drinks for your own good or trying to kill your friends because of their obsession with you.

Yangires are often mistakenly lumped in with yanderes and to add ot the confusion, some yanderes can seem more yangire or even vice-versa if they were already a bit ax-crazy to begin with. The main defining feature is that yangires lack the love aspect behind their killing to be a real yandere. These characters are ax-crazy and ready to snap at a moment's notice (or already have) and start killing the cast. Up until his route, Saeran would have been considered a yangire, though now with his route that’s obviously changed.

I’ve divided these into two catagories: minor yanderes (one bad end or situation) or major yanderes (a pervasive running theme in their route, particularly violent ones and/or yangire-like ones, sadists, etc). I will also list the minor yanderes bad ends so anyone who wishes to avoid them can! Stay safe and don’t get triggered!!!

Minor Yanderes:

You (to Yeon-ho in Nameless ~the one thing you must recall~). You can become the yandere in his Bad end 1: Unforgiven doll.

Ikki in Amnesia: Memories. Bad end 2: “I’ll get rid of those who hurt you.” Situational. Ikki shows his yandere really only once in this end, shadowed eyes and all.

Yuri in Nameless ~the one thing you must recall~ Bad end 2: Triangle. I’d still argue this is more Tei’s fault than Yuri being an actual yandere.

Heishi Otomaru from Norn 9: Var Commons. Bad end only. Situational yandere. Oof, and here I thought he was just a good boy.

Sakuya Nijou from Norn 9: Var Commons. There’s a minor unavoidable yandere moment in his route but he’s mostly just obsessed with Mikoto as some kind of savior for him. The obsession is apparent, but he’s a relatively non-dangerous version and barely deserves to be on this list.

Major Yanderes & Yangires:

Tei from Nameless ~the one thing you must recall~. Jesus Christ, this guy so much. He’s probably the biggest yandere I’ve ever seen played to the trope and makes Jumin Han look like a vanilla amateur version. Completely wonderful wholesome exterior with darkness lurking below that only Yuri seems to notice. This guy gate crashes all the other LI’s in Nameless besides Lance’s bad endings at least once and makes them worse. Major trigger warning: Most of the bad ends involving him contain violence due to him. Honestly, so many a detailed list is silly, but the worst probably being the implied non-consensual sex in his Bad end 3: My owner.

Toma from Amnesia: Memories. Toma is probably the male yandere trope holder as most people know about the cage, which he did years before Jumin Han. A classic yandere, he’s obsessed with the MC so much he completely overlooks that she likes him. Expect all the classic yandere elements: childhood friend, drugging, caging, violence and rape-y comments but he just really loves you, okay??? Major trigger warning: A few of the bad ends in Amnesia: memories involving him contain violence due to him, especially his route and the unavoidable violence in Shin’s route. He stretches over into other people’s routes via bad ends a few times too, but the worst probably being the implied non-consensual sex in his Bad end 2: “We’ll be together forever.”

Yeon-ho from Nameless ~the one thing you must recall~ is a good example of when a shota gets obsessed. He’s upgraded from minor yandere because he’s pretty goddamn obviously obsessed with you and while seemingly not particularly violent, he shows he is capable of it in Bad end 2: Competitor. To be fair to Yeon-ho though, you really need to watch out for Tei more.

Saint-Germain from Code: Realize ~guardian of rebirth~. Unfortunately, you can’t avoid the yandere in his route, though I’d mostly consider him a situational yandere depending on how you look at it since he’s following orders. However, he does make a few offhand comments in other routes that firmly put him in the major yandere category regardless.

Jisoo from Dandelion ~wishes brought to you~. Classic yandere in his bad end. Shows yandere traits throughout his route, though maybe less extreme than most on this list.

Kageyuki Shiraishi from Collar x Malice. Again more situational than anything else and technically a yangire stepford smiler in other routes. Once this aloof boy likes you he’s pretty stuck on you for reasons that make sense. You can’t avoid the yandere in his route (it’s both good and bad ends) but it’s waaaaaay less creepy in the good one. Also his later bad ends are BAD. Hell, his good end is bad. Dear god, please just give this poor guy a break already.

Robin Hood from Ozmafia! Is a low-key example of this, but not for Fuka. I’ll let you figure out why. Major trigger warning: It’s debatable his route contains non-consensual sex.

Nameless from Nameless ~the one thing you must recall~ Think precursor to Saeran. Got it? Okay now play his route again to find out why.

The Wizard from Dandelion ~wishes brought to you~. Though not a playable character, it's obvious once you play through at least one route of Dandelion he’s obsessed with Heejung. It all comes to a tragic culmination in the final end of Dandelion you get from finishing all routes in the game.

Ukyo from Amnesia: Memories. Ax-crazy Ura Ukyo unfortunately puts Ukyo’s route firmly in the yangire category rather than yandere, as Ukyo himself is pretty wholesome. He kind of reminds me of V, honestly. And not just because of the photography thing. He gets a bad rap from anyone who doesn’t properly finish the game because of his ura side, but boy the explanation for why he kills you over and over again is one of the saddest routes I’ve ever played. Major trigger warning: Most of the bad ends in the entire game not involving Toma being yandere involve Ura Ukyo pretty much flat out killing you. Honestly, so many a detailed list is silly, since there’s multiple for each guys route iirc.

Ron Muraboshi from Norn 9: Var commons. Jesus lord have mercy I was not expecting this one. For all of his nonchalant attitude about everything, Ron might be the worst offender on this list. Not presented as a classic yandere as I am firmly convinced no one in the game or playing it actually likes Ron, his route devolves into some extremely problematic shit with yandere elements. His route is a relationship is based on obsession, abuse, and Stockholm Syndrome and even I felt icky after playing it, but his alternate bad ending (purple) is the worst IMO on this list because it's arguable he still sees you as disposable, while at least real yanderes cherish their object of affection. Also that 9 year age gap between him and Nanami… yikes.

Anyway, that's my list and character analysis of the otomes I’ve played so far! Hope you enjoyed it and feel free to leave me any asks or comments.

Also if you’d like to know who my personal favorites are, they are: Jumin Han, Seven, Ukyo, Tei, Saint-Germain, Kyrie and Kageyuki Shiraishi. And after reading this I bet you now know why. Just don’t make me pick favorites among my husbandos, they might kill me if they find out ;)

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mark-xeen · 6 years

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Top 10 Unpopular opinions of IDW Transformers

This week to start off the countdown for the end of IDW I created a list of the top 10 unpopular opinions I had with the series. please be aware that these are just my personal silly opinions. And if you liked them or not. Then good for you for finding something I, myself couldn’t find or understand.

Warning it’s very long

1. I did not find TAAO all that enjoyable to read.

Do not get me wrong, TAAO is a decent series. I just couldn’t really get that into it. I have a couple reasons why I didn’t enjoy it:

Reason one (and the main one)- I’m not a big fan of stories revolving around politics. I just never find these sort of stories interesting and TAAO, which is a continuation of the Windblade series, is a story revolving around the politics and government of Cybertron, albeit with some good moments, similar to ex-RID and its continuation Optimus Prime.

The second problem I had with the series was that it did a lot of “tell don’t show”, where we are told through character POV narrations and dialogue that certain characters or actions are good/just or bad/evil, but aren’t given much proof or present day story events or arcs that cement said claims. For example, with Elita-One we’re told she’s dangerous and shouldn’t become leader of Cybertron, but has barely done much of anything to prove these claims except being intimidating and saying “half-truths”/letting people believe lies. While these actions do raise caution, they don’t make her any worse than any other leader *cough*OPTIMUS!*cough*.

The third problem I have with the series was the ending. Yes, I know the series was being cancelled by executives, but the ending with Windblade winning the election didn’t feel earned. While she was the least twisted of the candidates, but she never truly developed past or overcoame many of her flaws that she started with to become the leader Cybertron and, by extension, the colonies. Also, she only won through Starscream’s self-sabotage. While some of these problems could have been fixed if the series wasn’t cut short, I felt Scott should have handled the ending a bit better.

2. I don’t like Windblade

I know I’m going to be bashed and hated for this one but please hear me out. First I am a girl, a non-neurotypical girl with high functioning autism, but a girl none the less. Windblade’s gender and looks never bothered me- yeah, it was different, but not bad different. My issues with Windblade are just how the story treats her and her character.

In term of character, Windblade’s personality and morality/standards are all over the place. Though she is shown to be kind hearted and compassionate, Windblade has been shown to lie, cheat, and perform actions outside the law and authority only when she feels it’s necessary. Yet if somebody else does anything even remotely similar, she will condemn them for it. To describe her morality, it’s a subjective morality with double standards. For example: When Optimus went against the council to free the Joes [HA2] in order to save Cybertron in First Strike, Windblade condemned him for it, but during the TAAO annual she also went against the council to tell all of Cybertron about Liege Maximo. It also doesn’t help that Windblade easily forgave Chromia for not only bombing and killing a few people, but also for trying to teleport Metroplex to Caminus which would’ve killed hundreds if not thousands of Cybertronians as a result.

These issues with her character wouldn’t be as bad if the story didn’t gloss over it. This is where my main issue actually comes from: For every morally questionable thing Windblade has ever done, the narrative treats it as a good or necessary thing and she never truly faces any potential consequences from them. The worst thing that happened to her personally was Chromia going to jail and being tried for her crimes. Things like her cover up or her cheating in a race would’ve had big consequences if they were done by any other lead character. And, let’s be honest, if Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, or even Ironhide did even one of those things that Windblade has done, they would be chewed out by their comrades at best or become persona no grata to the public at worst if they were revealed.

3. I don’t like Pyra Magna/Victorion

The reason I don’t like Pyra Magna is very simple- she’s a one note critic character. Majority of the time she appears, she’s complaining and bashing Optimus for everything he’s ever done or believes he’s done. Sometimes even criticizing him for doing something she was criticizing him for not doing earlier. Making it near impossible to tell what her ideals are, her beliefs, or even what values she holds close. Making her criticisms about Optimus weak and criteria for a “perfect” Prime all the more vague. She essentially complains just to complain. Also she’s a terrible hypocrite: In one arc she hates Optimus for manipulating the colonists for his own purposes, but then starts doing the same thing to Slide- feeding and manipulating the colonist into embracing her hatred and bitterness towards the Junkions who killed her twin, referring to her desire for vengeance as justice, thus resulting in Slide becoming skeptical and bitter towards Optimus Prime as well as harboring a hatred and a desire to kill all beings she views as enemies (like Junkions and humans). Also, while she hates Optimus, she views Prowl as an ally. Yep. PROWL- the one who literally sees people as numbers. Though whether or not she actually believes he’s a good person or their goals just align is unknown. In short, she’s the Autobot equivalent of Starscream.

Victorion isn’t much better. While her design and powers are cool to look at, she’s just Pyra Magna 2.0, but bigger. Her other components, the Torchbearers, individual personalities are almost nowhere to be found in there. Though to be honest the other Torchbearers didn’t have much personality to begin with. They pretty much served as Pyra’s comrades (or cheerleaders) who will pretty much always side and agree with whatever their leader says and participate in Optimus Prime bashing. The only things I remember is that two of them are sisters, two of them are lovers, and the single one Rust Dust is there. I’m not kidding this is literally all I can say about them as individuals.

4. I don’t like the IDW version Optimus Prime.

To be honest, I don’t considered him an interesting or complex character in the slightest. IDW Optimus Prime, in my opinion, is a character who writers spend so much time creating flaws in an attempt to make “realistic”, they forgot to give him any GOOD characteristics that could balance those traits. He doubts himself constantly, gives up easily, and ditches his responsibilities whenever he gets the chance. I know what you guys are saying, “But didn’t Rodimus do some of that in the G1 cartoon?” Yes, Rodimus has done that, but there is one small difference between the two: Optimus has been leader of the Autobots for millions of years, whereas Rodimus JUST became leader recently. I can understand and even sympathize with Rodimus, forced into leadership because his actions indirectly lead to Optimus’ death and now he has to lead the Autobots while being in the shadow of Optimus and dealing with his own guilt, but Optimus has been like this since the war and never learned or developed past these traits [HA4] even after the war ended. Also, for all of Rodimus’ flaws, at least he showed more care towards the people under him than Optimus. In fact, every time something goes wrong, he leaves them when things couldn’t be any worse or when he’s still needed. I just find it impossible to imagine how this guy managed to fight in a war for 4 million years against Megatron.

5. I don’t think Lost Light is bad or a bad sequel to MTMTE.

Lost Light really isn’t a bad a sequel or comic series in my opinion; maybe it’s because I focused more on comics where each issue has something going on besides the buildup for some climax. Don’t get me wrong, there has been build up for the Grand Architect and Cybertopia for a while, it’s just all the issues don’t feel like they’re only existence is to build up these two events. They have their own plots and arc where, while the buildup is there, it’s not in your face like some comics I’ve read in the past. Another thing I don’t get is all the hate for Robert using British words or slang when he writes- he’s from the United Kingdom, of course he’s likely to use words he’s used to hearing and speaking. It’s the same habit we do when any of us write: we use words and slang that are common to us.

As a sequel, Lost Light hasn’t lost a lot of quality to its predecessor. While some areas do feel rushed, similar to TAAO, it had quite a bit of executive meddling going on in the background. However, despite feeling a little rushed in some areas, it still pretty well written. Also, I know some people complained about how some of the characters have regressed or become worse in Lost Light, but remember, the cast was betrayed and were (albeit unknowingly) thrown at the mercy of the DJD, a 500 Decepticon army, and Overlord, then, soon afterwards, believed Megatron, the reason the crew betrayed them in the first place, abandoned them to stay in the Functionist Universe. Of course they’re going to have major issues and regress to old habits, it’s how some people actually behave after going through a terrible event like that. Rodimus in particular who has been betrayed and had friends/comrades dying as a direct result before in IDW, would want revenge, it makes sense. Also, the Lost Light is, by far, one of the few series that have a pretty good depiction of someone dealing with betrayal. Seriously, when the Rod Squad meet up with First Aid, Thunderclash, and Riptide, Rodimus is so angry at them, he just refers to them as Mutineer 1 and 2. It’s nice because while he still largely blames Getaway and wants to kill him, he still acknowledges their role in the mutiny as well. Most writers would have a character betrayed by a group only blame the one who caused it, but here Roberts shows Rodimus is angry at the rest of the crew for what happened, though not the same amount as Getaway.

6. I don’t like the “Shockwave is behind everything” twist.

I always find the twist where one villain is directly responsible for everything messed up in the story to be a boring and bad twist. It makes everything that happens in the story feel kind of cheap; it makes all the things the characters have done, worked for, and/or struggled for in the past feel pointless because this one bad guy somehow planned for it. It also make the villain feel like a villain-sue to the point where when their actual plan is revealed, it feels almost ridiculous or stupid in comparison to all the things they had done just to get it to work. In terms of Shockwave’s plan itself: why? Seriously, he could have done so many things while trapped in the past, but decided to make sure everything happened the way it was written. Why? To prove religion is fake? I don’t know, but the things he claimed to be trying to stop, he caused them in the first place and his overall plan is so unclear and bizarre, I believe he’s just insane.

7. I don’t hate Anode and Lug

They’re not perfect, but they’re not the worst either. They’re side characters with questionable morality, but they’re neither main leads or treated as these amazing always right characters. Yes, Anode had a main role in the first arc. Yes, she decided to resurrect her Conjunx, Lug. But 1.) It was to introduce new readers to the rebranded series, and 2.) If you had the ability to bring your loved one back, wouldn’t you do the same thing? After the 1st arc the two of them were regulated to the background, occasionally participating in B-plot antics. Also, Anode herself doesn’t bother me as certain other characters do because she gets called out on her antics and her antics makes sense for her character- she’s selfish and reckless, thinking only about herself and Lug. Also, compared to some of the other Neutrals introduced in IDW, they aren’t bashing the Autobots constantly during the comic- which, to me is a breath of fresh air. So yeah, while they’re not my favorite characters, they’re nowhere near my least favorite characters.

8. I do not hate the Hasbroverse idea.

I thought it was an interesting idea with a bunch of the Hasbro’s old toy lines sharing one universe with a chance to interact with one another. It’s just the execution of the Hasbroverse that sucked: bad writing, bad pacing, too many crossovers back to back, and unnecessary and terrible redesigns on several characters in an attempt to attract more viewers. While ROM, Action Man, and Micronauts were good additions to the TFs, the rest was not well managed or written. If the editors, writers, and the artists thought about what made these series unique and special and not what was trendy, they may have had an amazing expanded universe. But poor decisions in the writing and editorial departments messed up what could have been a fun and interesting expansive universe. If they tried to make another Hasbroverse in the future, I would give it another shot.

9. I did not enjoy the Autobot faction origin story.

I know the premise of the origin story was to create a morally grey story for both factions, but I felt all it did was make the Autobots out to be even bigger jerks than the Decepticons. I wouldn’t have minded having a few Autobots originate from less than stellar backgrounds, but majority of the Autobots who did show up in flashbacks were shown to be a part of the police forces who worked and aided the corrupt senate, or worked in a twisted institution that brainwashes anyone who was considered a threat to the government. With a few exceptions, almost every Autobot that was shown had either turned a blind eye to or actively participated in the messed up stuff the government was doing to its population. It’s not creative, it’s lazy. Though Barber’s and Roberts’ writing have made the group’s origin more tolerable and complex, the damage was done. And, if anything, it makes it even more baffling why anyone that wasn’t already a part of either group even wanted to join the Autobots in the first place.

10. All the terrible things that happened to the Lost Light’s mutinous crew was completely deserved.

Okay, I know the crew, with the exception of Getaway and Atomizer, did not mean to leave Rodimus and his allies to be killed by either the Galactic Council or DJD (which nobody, not even Getaway, was aware of), and when they learned what actually happened they were horrified. However, before the message they had several red flags about Getaway being a, while more efficient, bad captain. First, Getaway admitted about using the Nudge gun on anyone who didn��t agree with his mutiny. Soon afterwards they learn he also made a deal with the Galactic Council-you know, the ones that HATE technological lifeforms. Then, later on, we find out Getaway knew a faster way to get to Cybertopia: a series of quantum tunnels known as the Warren that he learned about while he was held captive by Tyrest. The twisted part about this was that one of the reasons for Getaway’s mutiny was how the quest was taking forever to find Cybertopia. So he knew a way to get to Cybertopia, but waited until after the mutiny occurred to share the information. And let’s not forget how no one they left behind was contacting them days or even weeks after the mutiny. Did they honestly believe none of them wouldn’t called or more likely yell (and swear) at them for leaving them on Necroworld?

To be honest, I think the reason why it took them so long to realize Getaway was bad was because once they admitted Getaway was in the wrong, then, by extension, they would also be admitting that they themselves were in the wrong too. It’s probably the reason why they didn’t try to contact the others all that time as well- they wanted to believe they were in the right so badly. Calling them would admitting to it as well, that’s why they waited. As a result, they ignored all the warnings and red flags surrounding Getaway until it was too late. Was what happened to them awful and terrible? Yes. Definitely. Without a doubt. But when you put a lot blind faith into someone who is shown to do questionable stuff you’re essentially asking for something bad to happen to you

#transformers #unpopular opinion #goodbyeidwlist #idw #maccadam

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tikerte · 2 years

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Old Urban Meyer Graphic About 'Criteria for Struggling Teams' Goes Viral

The FOX graphic comes from Meyer's stint as a college football analyst for the network.

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Urban Meyer's first year in the NFL has left a lot to be desired. After a 20–0 loss to the Titans on Sunday, the Jaguars are just 2–11.

Meyer, who had been out of coaching since 2018—his final season at Ohio State— when he took the Jacksonville job, has been under fire throughout his brief tenure.

In the offseason, the team had its brief dance with retired quarterback-turned-tight end Tim Tebow. Midway through the season, Meyer found himself under considerable scrutiny after a video emerged of him dancing with a young woman at his Columbus, Ohio-area restaurant. The video was filmed after the Jaguars' loss at the Bengals, when Meyer skipped the team flight back to Florida to attend the event.

Last week, reports emerged that Meyer blew up at his assistant coaches, calling them "losers" and "forcing them to defend their résumés." Even typically mild-mannered Trevor Lawrence publicly took issue with the Jags' limited use of running back James Robinson, saying he “has to be on the field.”

After the loss to the Titans, the embattled coach barely acknowledged Mike Vrabel, his former assistant at Ohio State, and had a one-on-one meeting with owner Shad Khan after the game, which doesn't seem like a great sign.

When Meyer was hired, a lot was said about how he'd reform the "locker room culture" in Jacksonville. On Sunday afternoon, Sports Illustrated's Richard Johnson shared a screenshot from Meyer's time at FOX Sports, where he shared his three "criteria to examine for struggling teams." It certainly looks as if the Jaguars are three-for-three here.

“Every time I've had a team struggle, it's fallen into one of three categories,” Meyer said on FOX last November. "Number one: there's some trust issue. The players don't trust the coach, the coach don't trust the players, or awful when the players don't trust each other. Number two: it's called a dysfunctional work environment, where the expectations are very high, but we don't work hard. The coach has to be really clear with his team, say ‘Wait a minute, that's going to lead to frustration, anger, disappointment because we want to win a championship. I got news guys, we're not working hard, so stop with the — expectations.‘ Your work ethic must exceed or equate your expectations. That's a good environment.

“And the last one is real obvious. You've got a selfish team, man. You got problems on your team. Football is an unselfish sport. That means you have to do the nasty. That means I'm a running back, I have to go protect for my quarterback. You don't always get to carry the ball. Sometimes you have to run down a kickoff 22 miles per hour, and throw yourself at someone running 15 miles per hour the other way. That's not fun, why would you do that? Because you love your team and your teammates.”

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Meyer says that he doesn't believe these issues usually stem from players or coaches, and offered one last bit of advice that now, over a year later, he may need to revisit himself.

“There's something wrong. Lift the hood, find out,“ Meyer said. “One of those three things is usually the reason.”

Time will tell what Meyer finds when he lifts the hood of a Jaguars team that certainly appears to have potential trust issues and, if the report about him berating his assistants is accurate, a dysfunctional environment, if not all three of these issues. #แทงบอลออนไลน์

#แทงบอลออนไลน์#แทงมวยออนไลน์#แทงบาคาร่า

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dxmedstudent · 5 years

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From the total female populations of London and Cambridge – the cities between which he split his time – Seagull selected those roughly his age and up to 10 years younger. Then he reduced that group to the proportion that were likely to be university educated, to reflect the reality of his networks, as a school maths teacher and doctorate student.Then came a harder parameter: what fraction Seagull might find attractive. After going through his Facebook friends list, he found 1,200 women who met his criteria for age, location and education – and of one in every 20, he says he thought that he “could imagine us, in another life”.

I find these kinds of things interesting. The formula makes sense - there’s a finite number of people in your geographical area who might meet your criteria, and you’ll probably like a small number of those; some of whom might like you back. He decides only about 70 or so people meet his criteria. Which seems... a little low. A lot of commenters found his age criteria problematic. Would a 22 year old woman really have as much in common with him as a woman a couple of months older? People often try to cite pseudoscience on this count; that men want young and fertile women, but most women are fertile and interested in having kids well into their 30s and often 40s. In reality most people end up with a partner of a similar age to them, and there’s a lot of variation between people. I have to admit, I was wary of guys who refused to date women even a little older than them, and those who refused to date women their age were a definite ‘no’ - can any man actully tell that a woman is 2 or 3 years older than him by her looks or actions? No, so why would it be something that prevents attraction or compatibility. There’s something sexist behind thinking like that which I can’t get behind. Most of us want people at a similar life stage to us, but to me, if someone has a very fixed idea of what they find attractive, that inflexibility is itself a problem. I’m not going to be in my early 30s forever, and I want a partner who doesn’t feel that only women in a narrow age range are interesting. Likewise, I’m not obese, but I wouldn’t want a man who can’t see bigger women as attractive. I’d want to know that if I gained weight, he would love me for who I was; I know I’d do the same. And also if a man stated he’s only into caucasian women; I’d be wary. I wanted to be with someone who would consider and value others for who they are and who can see beauty in all sorts of people, not just conventionally attractive young women, even if I happen to be one. I don’t want a partner who doesn’t see other women as people. That said, it drives home that even if you’re on a dating site with thousands of people, the ones that meet your criteria will be a small proprotion. That’s why it’s important to consider your criteria carefully. Are they reasonable? Are they really non-negotiable? For example, I can’t stand smoking and wouldn’t date someone politically conservative, but didn’t really think about height and weight. Yes, I think it really is a bit too picky to only date a guy if he’s tall or well-built. Yes, people have preferences, but the less we let ourselves be blinded by preconceptions, the more likely we are not to miss someone special because they didn’t meet a criterion that doesn’t really matter. Pick your criteria carefully.

This is where optimal-stopping theory can come into play, identifying the point in a process at which to stop for best results – and here the magic number, says Seagull, is 37%. Say he wanted to be in a relationship by the age of 40, and was prepared to commit to going on two dates a week, for 50 weeks of the year, for five years: 500 dates total. Optimal-stopping theory would have Seagull go on 185 dates – taking him the best part of two years – then, armed with the insights he gained along the way, pursue the woman he liked best from the 186th on.“You don’t know at what stage in these 500 dates you will meet your most suited person, and you’re probably going to miss them – but mathematically, this is how you can settle better.“This is where you really need to trust the maths – you might think that the first person you meet is amazing, but you’ve got to get through the first 185. If we simulated our lives a million times, the person that you would date best would still be after 185.”

But where do these numbers come from? Optimal stopping theories basically suggests you need to work out how many people you want to date before you settle down, then dating X number before you settle on the first one who meets your criteria. Now, that gives you a bit of experience and an idea of what you want, but dealing with people isn’t like picking dice out of a bag. You can’t tell when someone nice will come up. In real life, some people spend happy 50 year marriages with the first person they dated, or the 5th, or the 27th. You aren’t guaranteed to find a good date after 185 that you liked as much as date 1 - maths suggesting you’d be likely to make a statistically good match can’t necessarily factor in that you might miss better matches in your earlier dates. So it makes no sense to throw over dates you like early on in the hope that later on you’ll probably like someone else just as much, or they might be better. By the time you reach your number, anyone you liked from the previous 185 dates will probably have paired up and moved on, so it’s not like you can always go back to people you thought were nice. It seems more sensible to treat each person as a person; if you like them, stick around and see.

Now 35 and still single, Seagull has continued his investigation into “making the maths of love work for you” in his book, The Life-Changing Magic of Numbers, as well as on dates....

I am surprised to learn that he has only been on seven or eight dates since doing Drake’s equation a few years ago. Maybe his mum was right when, on seeing his formula, she told him he was being ridiculous, and “to go out and meet people”.“I’m terrible,” he admits. “I leave a long gap between dates. After a date, if you didn’t have a good time, you feel despondent. I had another date, where I liked her and she didn’t like me. As a human, you get upset. That’s why scientists trust the maths: keep going.”

Lots of commenters point this out, and are a little cruel about the fact that even with his formula, he’s still single. OK, it’s pretty obvious that if your entire strategy is ‘go on lots of dates’ and you don’t then you will fail. But I’d like to propose that there needs to be a balance between quantity and quality. On the one hand, talking to a few people at a time means that he wouldn’t get so despondent if one person didn’t fancy him, because it would take the pressure off any one particular prospective date. When you go on few dates, it’s easier to feel rejected. And dating has a lot of rejection; because the odds of hitting it off with any one particular person are low. So you need to try to meet more people to increase the likelihood of finding someone with whom you share chemistry. Dating experience is very useful; it teaches you a lot about what you like and what you don’t, and what chemistry feels like. It’s fun. When I was dating around, I had some criteria I wouldn’t compromise on, but if a guy seemed decent and could hold an interesting convo, I tried to meet them. I had interesting conversations with all of them; I can’t really say I had any awkard or ‘horrible’ dates’; I guess I selected for men who seemed smart and able to hold a conversation. After a date, I’d reflect before deciding I wouldn’t meet them again. Not only to make sure I wasn’t rejecting someone I got on well with, but also to see what I’d learned. I’m not always a ‘lust at first sight’ person, so the idea of rejecting people quickly seemed harsh. Sometimes you grow to like people after getting to know them a little. With the guy I’m currently seeing, I knew I’d want to see him again from the moment I saw him, but our first date almost didn’t feel like a first date because our messaging went really well. That was the only date I was nervous before, because I liked him before we met and I really hoped there’d be something there. Which is partly why I think people should engage with the process earnestly; if I’d just sent a couple of cursory messages before each of my dates before meeing, I feel I’d have had much less interesting converstions, and felt less attracted to people.

Like the Drake equation, online dating can present you only with a pool of suitable partners you could potentially meet. Attraction must be assessed in person, “and there is no formula for that”, says Seagull. Or at least not yet, he adds; he is confident that machine-learning technology will eventually be able “to read your mood, your mind … and detect bits of our personality” to predict the presence of that elusive spark.In decades to come, it may even be possible to simulate dates the same way that it is football matches now, modelling every variable – although, Seagull says, probably not soon enough to be of any use to him.

Oh, this is depressing. Would I really want AI to decide who I might be attracted to? Can we really trust an algorithm to predict who we’d feel chemistry for? I mean, research suggests some of the chemistry is biological (see: BO and attraction). It’s frustrating when you go on a date and there’s no chemistry, but part of the fun is knowing you’ve picked someone yourself, and that they picked you. Sure, using criteria to help you sort can be useful, but you don’t want to be too prescriptive.

Honestly, I just found engaging anyone who had an interesting profile and was fun to chat with was the best way. The only way to meet people is just to start and see how it goes.

#relationships #life and style #mathematics #science #dxdates #dx dates #feminism

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