#and he kept believing Alina cares since she told him that one time

[stromuprisahat]

Do you think Aleksander actually liked Alina apart from the whole sun summoner thing?

That's kinda the heart of the issue with him- he caught feelings, when he needed to keep his head clear.

I've answered similar questions before, but to keep it short he DID have genuine feelings for her, but both his versions had trouble to see her true selfish, short-sighted self and while one grew to love an idea of what she could become, the other became (due to incredibly shitty writing) straight-up delusional about her goals and personality, whipped to the point he kept crawling back to her for more hatred and abuse.

#reply #Grishaverse #Shadow and Bone #grishanalyticritical #Darklina #The Darkling #Alina Starkov #Sorry for the clicking #but I'm relatively happy with both those replies #so I don't want to try re writing it. #Book!Aleksander's mistake was trying to hurry up Alina's 'hardening' #while having his hands full with other stuff. #Show!Aleksander never even saw what was right in front of his eyes #and he kept believing Alina cares since she told him that one time #before abandoning him on his equally shitty mother's word. #Hilariously show writers apparently believe they wrote a clear story of abuse #and they're right. #Except that they've managed to switch their so called abuser and victim. #anti S&B writers #anti Alina Starkov #just to be safe #I can't believe I'm gonna write this again #but post ep. 5 Alina made me miss book!Alina so much! #Esp. in 2n season.

[sfigatino]

Chapter 3 - Oh Goddamn, Not Another Rockstar

Talk about me, make it all about you. Caught you ripping your jeans, and that's when I knew. You'd leave me dead if it'd set you apart, and I'm like, "Oh, goddamn, not another rockstar".

After the graffiti stunt, he was more careful. He told her she was pretty and adorable and fun to be around, he told her she was special. She couldn’t believe it. The most gorgeous person in the school and he was interested in her , no strings attached? It seemed to be too good to be true!

But like everything, it was. Sure, he was cool, popular, really different from every other boy who had ever vied for her attention. He didn’t get himself into trouble needlessly, he seemed so nice, he didn’t take more than she gave him. 

And he had given her a necklace this one time, a pink flower with a pearl center, and said that he wanted to date her. She said yes, obviously, who wouldn’t want to date Gorgeous Nathan from the gym club? It gave Marinette a… feeling in her stomach. She wanted to think it was good, but her gut kept making her extra aware of things. So did Felix’s warning.

As time went on, she noticed more.

He was very self-obsessed, more concerned with his reputation than remembering lunches or birthdays, anything like that, he openly complimented other girls that were ‘special’ and ‘amazing’, but why would Marinette have a right to be possessive over that? Sure, they were dating, but this was Nathan.

But then he’d apologize and everything would be okay. And they’d start the dance again. He’d flirt with other girls, he’d ignore her, he’d apologize and get her a gift, and then he’d ignore her again.

He spent more time with his friends and admirers than he did with her, but that was fine, right? He was really popular anyway. And that was all well and good. For a little while at least.

He's been a player since the cradle. Aren't I lucky 'cause he could have chosen any girl to fuck with? And he chose me, so I guess I should be grateful, no, no, no, no.

Marinette walked through the halls, looking for the spot where her locker was. She turned the corner and stopped as she passed Nathan and Claude. Claude didn’t look happy and Nathan looked annoyed, which was strange, considering they were really close friends, so she stuck around to eavesdrop. 

“–You can’t just do that to her.”

“What exactly is stopping me? We both know you won’t tell her.” He leaned on the locker above Claude’s face. “You can’t because I know too much, don’t I? You can’t risk it.”

“Is that supposed to be a threat?” Claude didn’t even blink, crossing his arms. “And I never even said I was going to do anything, you’re being overdramatic. My only point was that you’re using her and it’s not right.”

“It’s not my fault she’s boring as fuck, I have no need for her.”

“Oh, that’s funny, because you seemed to be obsessed with the idea of having her before you actually got her, now it’s like you don’t even care.”

“So?” Nathan shrugged. “She won’t give me what I want, I’m done with her.”

“So then actually tell her? You’re being an ass, don’t leave her in the dark about it, you’ll shatter her. And honestly, the fact that you’re using her to try to get something from her is sick, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Again, why should I care?” Nathan shrugged, straightening and adjusting his backpack on his shoulder. “It’s not my problem. And you’d do well to stay out of my business, got it?”

Marinette blinked tears out of her eyes, taking a breath to compose herself before turning around and running, heading to her classroom and sliding into Claude’s seat next to Alina.

“Hey, girl! Mad at Nathan again?” Alina tilted her head as Marinette sat down in a huff. 

“You should’ve heard what he said.” She was near tears as she turned to Alina. “He and Claude were fighting about it, I heard it.”

“Fighting about what?” Alina asked. Mari didn’t bother answering, staring at the desk in front of her.

Instead, Marinette watched as Nathan winked at her before sitting down. Alina wrinkled her nose. Claude got to where Mari was sitting, rubbed her hair sympathetically, and went to his usual spot by Nathan, not even glancing at him.

“Mar, I’m sorry.” Alina patted her shoulder. “That sucks.” She didn’t respond, turning to look at the teacher. Did that mean she focused on the lesson? Of course not. She could just figure it out later when she actually felt like thinking.

It seemed like forever had passed by the time class ended. Nathan got up and approached her desk, ignoring Claude and Alina glaring daggers at him. 

“Hey, Mari, you okay?” He asked with a model grin. She didn’t meet his eyes.

“You should’ve told me you didn’t want me around anymore, I shouldn’t have had to figure it out by overhearing you.” She glared at the desk in front of her.

“Babe, you don’t know what that was about. You know I love you, don’t doubt me like that, sweetheart.”

“What else would it be about?!” Marinette stood up. She felt small next to Nathan, but he was going to hear her if she had any say in it.

“Sweetheart, don’t make me out to be the bad guy here.” Nathan said, smiling sweetly at her. She didn’t blush. She didn’t even blink.

“Don’t even!” She glared. “I heard you! You’ve been doing this with me over and over again, just running away to someone else then coming back because you need something! I’m not an idiot!”

“Clearly you are if you think there’s something going on.” He rolled his eyes, losing his patience. “You have no idea what’s going on here.”

“ Ugh. Just leave me alone, Nathan! I don’t want you to keep toying with me like this! I should’ve just listened to Felix earlier.” She hissed.

“Listened to Felix? What’d he tell you?” He raised an eyebrow indignantly. 

“He told me that you’d do this! He told me you weren’t who I thought you were and why is it that he’s right? You told me you loved me and you pull this over and over again! How could you?” 

“Marinette.” Nathan growled, his tone getting dangerously aggressive. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. Felix is a liar. You stay away from him, you’re mine .”

“Make me.” She challenged. He growled, like an animal, and his hand went back like he was going to hit her. She winced.

“Nathan, back off.” Alina ordered, stepping in front of Marinette as Claude held his arm back in a warning gesture.

“Nate, don’t.” He warned.

“Get the hell off me.” Nathan snarled, shoving Claude into the desk behind them. Claude actually cried out when he hit it, causing Alina to go help him back up. Now that she was away from Marinette, Nathan saw his window and did the unexpected.

He grabbed Marinette’s shoulders and got up in her face. “I don’t want you to talk about Felix ever again .” He growled. 

“No.” Marinette said, trying to not look absolutely terrified. Nathan was huge. He could hurt her easily. She didn’t have a chance.

“ Excuse me? Marinette, you’re really starting to get on my nerves.” He said.

“Like you’re not getting on mine?” She did her best to glare. Nathan let go with one hand and hit her. He hit her. Marinette fell back into her seat, leaning on the desk as her hand shot to her cheek. 

“That’s it.” Alina growled. “You get away from her now.”

“Or what, you’ll tell the teacher?” He mocked.

“Nathan.” Felix said, his voice stern and cold, drawing everyone’s attention to the boy who, apparently , was still in the room. “You leave her alone, or I’ll tell Father .” He warned.

Nathan froze. “You wouldn’t.” He managed. Felix raised an eyebrow in challenge. “…Punk.” Nathan glared before leaving the room.

Felix grabbed his bag and walked over to Marinette. Alina pulled the girl closer to her protectively, not letting go until Felix pulled out a first aid kit. “Let me see it, Marinette.” 

“I’m okay, it’s just a bruise.” She said shakily, pulling her hand away. 

“You’re lucky he didn’t hit you with his ringed hand, it would have left a scar.” Felix said calmly. “Ms Leroux, could you get some ice from the cafeteria for her.”

“Yeah, sure thing. Be right back, Mar.” She pat Marinette’s shoulder before leaving the room.

“Do you have a headache, Ms Cheng?” Felix asked. Marinette didn’t miss the switch from first name to last name.

“No.” She replied. “You know, you don’t have to call me Ms Cheng. You can call me Marinette if you want.” She smiled. 

“I’d like to apologize for my brother… Marinette,” he started, “I couldn’t say much and you deserved better.”

“It’s okay, Felix, really. You warned me well enough.”

“I’d also like to offer an apology from me. I was worried about telling you too much and getting in trouble with Nathan. I should’ve done better.” Felix added. 

“It wasn’t your responsibility, Fe, don’t blame yourself for this mess.” She shrugged with a smile.

“He’s my brother, he is my responsibility.” Felix said dryly.

“Your savior is here!” Alina announced, striding into the room with a couple ice packs. “Think fast, Haprele.” She threw the bag at Claude, nailing him in the face with it. 

“Ow, fuck you.” He grinned playfully.

“That’s one way to ‘heads up’ it.” Alina shrugged, tossing the other bag to Felix.

“Thank you.” Felix said, catching the ice pack. He pulled off his black tie and wrapped the ice pack in it before gently touching it against Marinette’s bruised cheek. “Hold that there, it should help with the swelling.” 

“You’re… nice, Felix. I didn’t know that.” Marinette chuckled. 

“I do my best not to be.” He offered a smirk in response, letting his gaze meet hers for a second before focusing back on her cheek.

“How come?” She asked, blushing as she averted her eyes too.

Felix paused. “I always thought people were a distraction. That they created problems for me and that I was better off alone. But… I suppose you just need to find good friends to realize… they’re not so bad.” He said softly, a light blush rising to his cheeks.

“Well, I’d love to be your friend if you’d let me.” She smiled.

“I think I’d like that.” He blushed, looking down quickly.

“Get a room.” Alina and Claude groaned in unison before snickering.

Felix shot them his usual cold glare, then paused and changed his reaction to a cold “shut up” instead. Marinette giggled. 

“Friends then?” She asked, offering him her hand to hold his.

“Friends.” He agreed, shaking her hand instead. Close enough. She thought with a smile.

if you’ve read this far, thanks! This chapter got written to fill in the ‘no’ prompt from @marithanmarathon (tomorrow’s prompt), but it might not count because it’s part of a bigger Marithan fic lol

#marithan #not another rockstar #marinette cheng #gorgeous nathan from the gym club #felix sphinx #alina leroux #claude haprele #tw violence #miraculous fanfic #carissa's writing #carissa's work

[amiramorozova]

Soulmates? pt. 32

As I sat there thinking about the baby on the way and the new Sun Summoner I couldn't even shake off what was going on. "From now on you should tell when y-" before the soldier could finish I stood up and pointed to the door. "Your stationed outside if I recall right. Nico is stationed inside to watch my every move." I said as he was shocked at my outburst and I looked at him. "I am his fiancé and if I don't want to tell you things that is my right."

The soldier realized he may have overstepped with me but I didn't care at that point as I was starting to get the mood swings. He went out the door and I sighed but after everything I went back to my room and laid down. I waited for him to show up and when he didn't I decided to write a note and leave it on the outside of the window for him as I went to sleep. When I woke up I saw him in the chair in my room as I sat up and he showed me the note.

"Your jealous?" He asked as I looked at him knowing it wasn't like I couldn't be..he didn't talk about what he did in the little palace. "You have a Sun Summoner now that is at the little palace. You don't need me." I said as I knew that wasn't true. He'd pursued me since finding out I was his soulmate...and he was still a vampire. He moved fast and had me pinned down on my bed as I was surprised while he looked at me. "You're wrong..or did you forget that I've been pursuing you since I found out you are my soulmate? My better half destined by the fates." He said as he tapped where my soulmate mark is. "Not only that I love you Amira..and I love this.." he said as he moved from my soulmate mark to place a hand on my stomach. "A baby that will be born of Shadow and Sun bloodlines..if people find out what you are there will be more risks."

Those other female vampires..they'd kill me for having your baby.. I thought

"Your the one who has been defiant and not wanting to come to the little palace to not wanting to be Ravka's savior. So the saints allowed another to be found so you don't have to be." Aleksander said as I looked at him. I still had doubts, but maybe it was because we lived separately that I couldn't just rely on his words alone. "You're telling me she means nothing? Don't you have to be working in the little palace?" I asked as I questioned just how he had time for me.

He walked over as he put a hand on my cheek "Move to the little palace, we can be together always and I can protect you further." He said as I went to open my mouth to say something but then closed it as I looked away. "I don't believe you." I said as I knew there was so much going on there and he told me nothing. "You never talk about what you do there and then you somehow have time to come here.."

"In the morning or at night, but normally I do paperwork and meetings with the King through out the day. Seeing you is the thing I kept in mind when I'm done." Aleksander said which caught me off guard as I knew that he was doing things but I never realized he was that busy. "But you told me you'd be here last night and you didn't show up till now." I mentioned as he nod. "Unfortunately I was on a horse for twelve hours to get Alina to the little palace. Druskelle attacked my carriage after I'd had my faithful heartrenders take her on ahead." Aleksander mentioned as I was surprised to hear the enemy was close.

He walked over as he sat by me and put a hand on my cheek as he could tell I clearly didn't know but he'd never told me. "I mean it, move in with me Amira. You're already pregnant, we're engaged and your safety is at risk." Aleksander said trying to push me into going with him. I knew if I moved out that was it, I'd be in the little palace and away from everyone I knew. "I'll think about it...if my safety becomes in great danger then I will. No questions asked." I said as I knew I needed time to think about everything.

He nod as he sighed before he kissed my forehead "I have to go, I have a meeting with the King. But I promise I'll come tonight." He said as I nod in understanding as he left. I sighed and laid back down as I looked at the ceiling. I knew that he was right and I was jealous but I had a right to be, didn't I?

TagList: @lifeisingrey​,  @houseoftoomanyfandoms​, @mizelophsun11​, @budugu​ ,   @wheresthesunshinesblog  

#Soulmates? #vampire #aleksander morovoza #general kirigan #Amira Silina #shadow and bone #Grishaverse #shadow and bone fanfiction #fanfic #shadow summoner #sunsummoner #tidemaker #Amira Silina x Aleksander Morozova #Team Darkling #the darkling #darkling #darkling x reader #ben barnes

[cheekygreenty]

Hi, I just saw your prompt list for Shadow&Bone!! could you possibly do No. 2 from Angst, but like with a happy ending? Like reader n Kirigan are togeather but then Alina's comes along.. just, please let be happy at the end. I like angst, but my heart can't handle sad endings 😢😢 thank you!!! ❤❤

Future- The Darkling x Reader

(Very very angsty with a happy (?) ending. It made me cry a lil bit writing it ngl)

You trusted him, wholeheartedly. At least that's what you told yourself every day since she came to the Little Palace; the place you had always called home, where you felt safe from the prying eyes of the public.

Yet now, the place was fueled by harsh rumors of him and her. Everywhere you went you could hear a whisper, nobody tried to hide it anymore, the words were always entirely devoted to your crumbling union;

'I thought they were happy'

We were.

'How can he and Alina not be together, it's destiny.'

I'm starting to think so too.

You didn't acknowledge it. Just put on a sweet smile and a brave face. Don't let them see you're hurting. Even in your own home, you had to pretend and lie, which at the end of the day, when you laid in an empty bed, made you exhausted.

He told you she meant nothing more to him than a mere weapon. But that was when she first came and when he still managed to make it to your shared chambers and would whisper sweet nothings as you fell asleep.

It was different now, on more than one occasion you caught a glimpse of them together, him looking at her the way he always looked at you. However much he claimed to be a good actor and manipulator, there was something there and he couldn't deny it either.

You hadn't confronted him about it yet fearing that if you did, the truth would hurt and sting and make all those rumors true. In addition, you haven't seen him in days and the last time you did, he told you to stay away from the wonderful Sun-Summoner.

The truth was you knew deep down in your heart that she wasn't at fault. That she was not the root of the problem. You constantly fought with yourself to stop any hatred you felt towards her. She was lovely, kind compassionate, and innocent. She didn't deserve to feel your wrath.

But with that came the confusion of who to blame. You or Him. It made you tired and weak. The smallest of tasks made you drained and tears would well in your eyes at the thought of having to live another day like this, a day full of questioning yourself and the man you loved more than anything in the world.

No matter how much of a strong person you swore you were, this was taking a substantial toll on you. He had become your support network and he knew it, he loved it. He always said he finally felt appreciated when you came around, that he wasn't alone anymore. He had conditioned you to be this way. When times got tough, he was always your shoulder to cry on.

No doubt that shoulder was now next to Alina. Perhaps they went on a horse ride, visited the Black Heretic fountain, or were enjoying a rendezvous next to the lake.

You didn't want to know, all that mattered was that he wasn't there with you when you were falling apart. Maybe you relied on him too much.

You wondered if he noticed the whispers too, or the way you'd been missing crucial meetings, or even if he noticed you wearing your red kefta more often, ditching the black once you'd heard Genya speak of making a golden-black kefta for Alina, per the Darkling's request.

That was a punch in the gut. It hurt more than him avoiding conversation with you or even his deterrence of touching you. He had bestowed his colors to her when not even three months ago he didn't know she existed. It had taken you a long time to gain his trust and don his signature black yet all she had to do was waltz in and show up. And it hurt.

And now here you were, training the next generation of heartrenderers, as you did almost every day. You had given your life to the Little Palace and its Grisha and this is how you were being repaid. Not even Ivan, who you had shaped into an excellent soldier, had looked your way lately.

'Excuse me Ms. Y/L/N I have an urgent request from the General' You whipped your head around to the young Grisha boy with an obviously hurt look on your face which he couldn't understand.

'Of course' you choked out and took the piece of paper from his hands and watched him in sorrow as he left.

Ms.Y/L/N? what happened to moya sovereignny? You were never one to uphold the formality, but this was just another blow to your confidence. You were no longer referred to as his other half which only meant your position in the palace was quickly dwindling.

You opened the wax-sealed envelope and took out the thick sheet of paper. There was a time when he himself would deliver the news to you himself and use it as an excuse to spend extra time with you.

'I cannot make it to the meeting with the King this evening, attend and report back to me anything relevant, no horse business'

You scoffed loudly, drawing attention from the young Corporalki around you and leaned on the table in front of you. Not even a please or thank you. With the note clutched in your hand and tears of frustration in your eyes, you stormed out of the Corporalki room and towards his war room.

You peeked through the open door and seen him. He didn't look at all busy as he chatted with Zoya, Ivan, Fedyor, and some other Squaller you didn't recognize. Zoya threw her head back in laughter at something Fedyor said but Aleksander kept his stony expression. You threw the door open dramatically and everyone froze.

'Leave us' you cautioned as Aleksander's onyx eyes looked right into your own.

Nobody moved but Zoya was the first to speak ' Y/N, we're actually in a meeting if you couldn't tell' while everyone nodded along, except him.

You never had anything against anyone in that room, but in that moment you couldn't help yourself and used your small science to bring everyone to their knees in front of you, except him.

'Leave us' His voice rang out in the midst of their sharp breaths and chest-clutching. They scrambled to their feet and left one by one, Fedyor quietly muttering 'moya sovereignny' as he passed you which filled you with some courage. The door shut and the sound echoed over the walls.

You threw the note across the room and let it hit his arm. 'Did you forget your manners General? Or does it only apply to the people you claim to love?'

'Funny you should say that Y/N, you haven't attended any meetings in weeks without providing a reason. You're making me look like a fool'

'I'M MAKING YOU LOOK LIKE A FOOL?!' Your tears were now streaming down your face, falling quicker than you could wipe them away.

He stayed silent and that broke your heart even more, he could've said something, anything.

'Aleksander, I'm trying to keep myself together for everyone, I'm trying so very hard to appear normal and happy but I don't think I can do this any longer. The whispers and the rumors, watching you and her-' You slid down the door and sat on the floor, head resting on your knees. '-It's getting to me.... and it's killing me.'

You thanked the Saints you didn't see his face, for the silence spoke for itself. He didn't deny anything or reach out to comfort you. I've lost him.

'All I wanted was a happy ending.' You laughed a sad laugh that pulled at his heartstrings. With your eyes still facing away from him, you didn't see his hand go up to wipe the lone tear that fell down his face or the slight shake in his hands as he did so. He had no words that would comfort you. He knew what he'd done. He'd been avoiding you ever since he realized it. He didn't want to see you cry or see how his actions affected you.

Telling you that it means nothing to him was of no use. You had it in your mind now, forever engrained around his name, the rumors wouldn't stop and Alina was still around. He truly felt nothing of importance for her. All she meant for him was a key to a better future with you.

He approached you slowly, getting down on his knees next to you. He took your hand in his and held it up to his lips. He never prayed, but right now he silently muttered words to all the Saints. Don't let her leave.

'I'm so sorry Darling. Y/N I love you so much.'

'But you love her more' You yanked your hands away.

'NO. no. Y/N. I swear it. You are everything to me' He had grown serious now, he wanted you to look at him. He missed you.

'Then explain why you're parading her around like a Queen, letting her wear your colors, probably sleeping in her bed'

'I have never toucher her in that way. I'm yours Y/N.' Please look at me.

You lifted your head and looked at his beautiful face. He too looked tired, exhausted. His eyes were red and puffy. Saints, I've never seen him cry.

'You will have a happy ending. I promise Darling' He took your face into his hands and connected your foreheads together. 'I promise. I'm doing everything I can to make sure you will, and even if I can't, I swear you will you and our children-'

Children. Aleksander never spoke of them to the point where you had settled with the idea you'll never have them. Something about the desperation in his voice made you believe him, Aleksander was strong, he never gave up but he also never sacrificed himself for anybody. Up until now, you didn't think yourself worthy enough to be saved in exchange for him.

'-I would give up everything to see you and them safe, away from harm's way. Right now, the world doesn't deserve them, but once I do what I have to do, I'll give you children. However many you want, Just stay. Please'

You were borderline hysterical as you melted into his embrace. Weeks of frustration and hurt disappeared into thin air. Aleksander held you so tight you were having trouble breathing but you didn't care. He held you all day and all night. All meetings and tasks forgotten.

He explained everything in detail, from the stag and firebird to what happens if things don't go to plan. He kept nothing from you, not even the stress and pressure he felt. You comforted him as he always does to you. You fell asleep together and dreamed of a life with a happy ending, one where you never had to doubt his motives, you dreamed of your future.

Taglist (if you want to be added, plz tell me!)

@theonelittleone @searching-for-gallifrey @lostysworld

@0-artemis

#shadow and bone #grisha #imagine #the darkling #the darkling x reader #alexander #alexander morozova #alina starkov #fanfic #ben barnes #general kirigan x reader #black general

[wylans-stupid-face]

Pride and Prejudice and People Who Misread Malyen Orestev

The other day I saw a post comparing Alina Starkov and her love interests to Elizabeth Bennet of Pride and Prejudice and her love interests, and since then I’ve been thinking about that concept a lot. In that post they rightfully claimed that the Darkling would be Mr. Wickham, dazzles everyone with his charm and good looks then turns out to be a liar and is only interested in the heroine for personal gain. But the post then went on to say that Mal would be the Mr. Collins equivalent and Nikolai would be Darcy. Their reasoning for this was that Mal always felt “entitled” to Alina, like Collins was with Lizzie, and that Nikolai would be Darcy because he’s the most moderate of the three men, less callous than the Darkling but more exciting than Mal. While I can see why someone would think that Nikolai is the most neutral choice for those reasons, I think they’re missing the fact that he was written as almost an antithesis to the Darkling, there’s literally a line in Siege and Storm that Alina says to Nikolai, “I hate it when you talk like that. You sound just like the Darkling.” (p.250) Both wanted Alina for their political gain, Nikolai to bring all of Ravka together, the Darkling to control the rest of the world, Mal was the only one who wanted Alina for herself. 

Despite what that post said, Mal very clearly never felt entitled to her. Alina wanted him, chose him, but still he told her to be with Nikolai because it would be better for Ravka. And even before then, what I think people see as Mal’s “entitlement” to Alina, is them being in a relationship, never seeing each other or spending time with one another, and Mal being upset about it. In S&S, Alina decides to go to Os Alta and just assumes Mal is of the same mind, she doesn’t consult him or ask him if he’s coming, she just knows that he will follow her and he does because he loves her and wants her to fulfill her destiny, even though he doesn’t really believe in it at that point. Once there, he becomes her bodyguard but they still never spend any time just the two of them. He has to stand sentry while watching Nikolai blatantly flirt with, propose marriage to, and kiss Alina and through it all he still says nothing. And then one day he tries to kiss Alina and she doesn’t kiss him back. He’s heartbroken because he could see that she was lying to him about something and now this, so instead of forcing a relationship that he thought she didn’t want, he broke up with her. He walked away from the woman he loved because he thought she didn’t love him anymore. 

His entitlement in their relationship wasn’t an entitlement to Alina. As her partner he felt entitled to her love and attention and when he didn’t feel that from her he walked away. What people see as Mal being “entitled” is actually just what he, and most of us, expect from a relationship. Do you not want to spend time with your partner? Do you not want to feel like your partner also loves you and considers your feelings? And if you feel like they don’t, would you not be upset? 

 But his lack of entitlement is not why I think that Mal is the “Darcy” option because let’s be real, Darcy IS entitled. He’s a rich eligible bachelor and completely expects Lizzie to jump at the chance to marry him and when she doesn’t he’s shocked. But the reason that Darcy and Mal are so similar to me is that they both go through realistic personal growth and end up in the same place, drinking their respect women juice. Darcy and Mal both end up essentially backing off of the heroine and saying, “I love you but if you don’t love me that’s cool.” They both thought they had been rejected and instead of pestering their heroines or getting angry or bitter, they took a step back and looked at themselves. 

This is why Nikolai couldn’t be Darcy (in The Grisha Trilogy). Alina said she didn’t want to marry him and he kept asking, tried explaining how awesome it would be for them politically. But Alina didn’t care about politics, she cared about Mal, and Nikolai treated him like shit. Nikolai, like Mr. Collins, was a bit of a condescending know-it-all and didn’t actually care about Alina in that way, which is also reminiscent of Mr. Collins’ proposal to Lizzie as neither of them had feelings for each other either. I love Nikolai, but The Grisha Trilogy was definitely not his brightest moment and Alina was never meant to be his love. Just because Darcy and Nikolai are both rich and entitled doesn’t mean they’re the same, especially since in The Grisha Trilogy Nikolai is only half way through his arc, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be the Darcy of King of Scars. 

#malyen oretsev #mal oretsev #nikolai lantsov #alina starkov #grisha trilogy #the grisha trilogy #s&b trilogy #shadow and bone #sab #siege and storm spoilers #grishaverse #pride and prejudice #elizabeth bennet #mr darcy #malina #ashley posts

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Darkling Character Analysis

Full disclaimer, I’ve not read the books, though I have ordered the first so I am hoping to have read that soon. But just so you are aware this character analysis is based entirely on the show version of the character. Obviously there will be spoilers for all of season one. Also I just want to say that my aim with this analysis was to sort of get into The character’s head and so alot of this is just what I think the character might have been thinking, feeling and what his motivations may be, it does not mean I agree or disagree with his actions. When I am giving my view on his actions I will try to make it as clear as possible. Also this is just my interpretation of the character and my own opinions on the character, it is ok if you disagree. So obviously this is an analysis of the character The Darkling but I am also going to be talking about his relationship with Alina so I guess its also a sort of analysis of their relationship too just solely from Aleksander’s side of it. I will be using all of the names he has interchangeably because he has so many that I don’t know which one to stick with (seriously haven’t seen a character with this many different names since Jace from Shadowhunters) so sorry if that’s annoying. Fair warning this one is probably the longest analysis I have ever written and they are usually pretty long so I would suggest if you are going to read this maybe get some beverages and snacks first. I mean I think it shows how compelling and interesting a character he is that I was able to waffle on as long as have about him. But yeah its long. Of course you can also always scroll on past. But if you would like to read it then the rest is under the tag. 

Ok so first off I think the show does a really good job of building up the character in the first episode by giving us some information on The Black General before we and Alina officially meet him, they really give the character this air of mystery by giving us only a small amount of information about him but also by not letting us see his face. We get small tantalising glimpses of him, a shot of his boots in the mud, his carriage passing by, the back of him with his cloak billowing in the wind as the skiff enters the fold. It’s just enough to peak the audience’s interest. But most of what we learn in episode one is from what other character’s tell us. The very first mention we get of The General is from Mal and it’s a very small detail but I actually think it can tell you alot about The Darkling’s character. When Mal and Alina come across the Grisha practising Mal says ‘They’re always picking on us when their General’s not around.’ This seems like such a throwaway comment designed to show us how the First Army feel about Grisha and paints this picture of the Grisha thinking they are higher and mightier than those who are not Grisha. But it actually suggests that if they only do it when The General is not around then he does not tolerate Grisha bullying First Army. That he doesn’t think its ok for them to act like they are higher and mightier than those who are not Grisha and that he believes in humility even. Which I think is really interesting. This tracks with Nadia’s comment later in episode three when she says that General Kirigan insists that the Grisha eat peasant fare to keep them humble. Yet while he encourages humility he also makes sure that the Grisha have everything they need in order to flourish and he obviously cares a great deal about the Grisha, I feel like rising the Grisha up and making them strong has been pretty much his only drive and motivation over the hundreds of years since the fold was created. 

The other thing we learn which is repeated a couple of times by a few of the characters is that The General cannot bring down the Shadow Fold. In fact I think there are two conversations about it. The first between Inej, Jesper and Kaz when Jesper asks why the General hasn’t taken it down to which Inej replies ‘Have you ever put out fire by adding more fire?’ The other conversation is more flippant and is between Dubrov and Mikhael, where Mikhael sarcastically says the General is there to save the day and Dubrov asks if he’s going to tear down the fold. So on two occasions we have characters believing the General is powerful enough to fix the problem of the fold only for them to be corrected and told that he can’t. It seems like the show wants to make it very clear that the General will not be destroying the fold and I could be reaching here but this could be foreshadowing for later when we learn he doesn’t desire to bring down the fold.       

Of course even after the first episode the character of the Darkling still remains a bit of a mystery. He’s the kind of character where the more you learn about him the more questions you have. This tactic of giving us small pieces of information about him, just enough to keep you interested continues throughout the season and of course you have the twist in episode 5 where its revealed that he’s the ‘villain’. And yes I did put villain in quotation marks because I personally feel like its too simplistic a term to use for the character. I do feel like he’s more than just a two dimensional villain and there is alot of complexity to the character and his actions just for him to be considered the ‘bad guy’. 

So lets have a look at some of those actions and think about what might have been his motivations and what he might have been thinking and feeling. I want to start with one of the more controversial of his actions and as a warning this is a sensitive topic. One of the earlier things we find out about is that General Kirigan gifted Genya to the Queen. I’ll be honest when I first watched this scene I was so caught up in the new character and what was going on in the scene that I didn’t think much about Genya’s comment about being a gift to the Queen but when I thought more on it later I realised that it was a rather dark idea, that you could gift a person to another person. It becomes especially darker later when you find out what Genya suffered at the King’s hands. I kept wondering a few things, one being why the General would gift a child to the Queen in the first place, two whether he knew what the King was when he put Genya under the royal family’s care and three if he didn’t why he didn’t remove Genya when he discovered what was happening with the King. I do feel that we didn’t get enough information in the show (I don’t know if there’s more information in the books) to really answer these questions but I’ll give it my best shot. Firstly why would the General gift a child to the Queen? Well I actually think this one is easy to answer, he needed a spy within the Royal Family. We know that Aleksander has suffered and been betrayed by a king in the past. He won the Old King a war and in turn that King turned on not just Aleksander but on his people too. I feel like Aleksander was blindsided when this happened and he just didn’t see it coming and because of that his people were slaughtered. It would make sense then that the General would want to keep an eye on the royals and get a warning if they were planning on turning on Grisha again. I also think this is why they refer to Genya as a ‘gift’. That was just the wording the General used to manipulate the royals. Here’s a gift that I am granting you out of respect and to honour and please you, is going to go over a lot better than hey here’s a spy I want in your household. Genya is essentially the General’s trojan horse. As for it being Genya as oppose to someone else, like a trained adult Grisha, well I think that’s because it would be easier to get the royals to take a child into their household than an adult, even as a gift. They will be alot less suspicious of a child than they would an adult. Also they might bond with a child and therefore treat them as more of a confidante as time goes on. As well as that Genya had a very specific set of Grisha abilities that made her perfect for a vain Queen. I may be wrong on this one but thinking back to my history education I think I remember being taught it was fairly common during the time period if a young lady was discovered to have a particularly special talent, like say singing for example, they may be given as a gift to the Queen as this may gain favour for the maiden’s family if she is made a lady in waiting. So if I am right about that then whilst it might seem strange to us it may have been a fairly normal practise to the characters. I mean Alina didn’t seem shocked when Genya said she was a gift to the queen it was learning about the King that upset her. 

Also I do wonder if some of the reason why he placed her with the royal family was because he believed she wouldn’t fit in with the other Grisha, she does say that she is almost as rare as Alina. I don’t know for sure but maybe the General suspected she would struggle with being different from the other Grisha and so decided the best way to help her grow and flourish was by giving a special mission of her own. 

Ok so what about question 2? Did he know what kind of person the King was when he placed Genya under his care. In my opinion I don’t think he did. I am basing this on how he always seems to want to make Grisha safe and wants them to flourish and also due to his actions with Alina when things between them became more intimate, we know that consent is something Aleksander cares about. So to me it would be out of character for him considering how much he cares about the Grisha and consent for him to knowingly put Genya under the King’s care whilst having the knowledge of what would happen to her. I feel like he would also consider it as a disrespect towards Grisha from the King for him to harm a Grisha woman like that especially as she was ‘gifted’ to them. Also when Alina herself asks a similar question in episode 7 when she says ‘did you think Genya was safe when you placed her under the King’s watch?’ To me I think the Darkling looked somewhat upset that she would think that he would knowingly put Genya in that situation. However I do think that by the time Alina was discovered and brought to the Little Palace he was aware of what was going on with Genya and the King as he makes that comment about Alina remaining at the Little Palace with him to train undisturbed. The way he said undisturbed made me think he thought the King might decide he wanted Alina and the General was warning the King away, making it clear that if he wanted the fold destroyed he would have to leave Alina alone. His actions here in protecting Alina also make me think that he didn’t know at the time of placing Genya with the Royal family what would happen to her. He doesn’t want to make the same mistake with Alina that he made with Genya. 

As for number 3, why didn’t he remove Genya from the King’s care once he did find out about what the King was doing? I saw a few comments about this. All of them saying the same that because he didn’t get Genya out he was as bad as the King and was complicit in what happened to Genya. But I actually think it’s more complicated than that. For one thing technically he did remove Genya from the King’s care when he had her poison the king and then made her Corporalnik. Though obviously he didn’t do it immediately. We’ve got no timescale as to when he find out so who knows how long they were planning this. But also there was one line in episode 3 that I think answers this question best, when the General says ‘I may lead the Second Army, but the King is still the King.’ Whilst the General is powerful he still only has so much power over the King. He needed the King’s permission just  to have Alina at the Little Palace and for her to train, which is what the demonstration Alina had to go through in episode 3 was all about. I don’t think the General had the power to just walk into the Grande Palace and take back Genya. The only way he was getting Genya out of there was by killing the King. Also correct me if I am wrong but I feel like what the King was doing to Genya was a large part of the General’s motivation for poisoning the King. I mean we weren’t given much information about the King other than what he was doing to Genya, which made me think that’s why he was poisoned as we weren’t told about any other bad things the King had done that might lead to the General deciding to poison him. I think once he found out what the King was doing to Genya he allowed her to be the one to carry out the poisoning knowing that she would want revenge rather than trying to remove her right away and potentially causing tension with the royal family and also making it harder if not impossible for Genya to be the one to exact her revenge on the King. I guess what I am saying is its possible that Genya was the one who wanted to stay because she wanted to be the one to kill the King. I mean that’s the impression I got from her conversation with Alina where she says ‘I waited for years for my chance at revenge.’ For all we know General Kirigan might have offered to remove her from the Royal household and she might have told him she wanted to be the one to help him take down the King. Whatever his motivations were and however much he may or may not have known I think we can all agree that him ‘gifting’ Genya to the Queen was a mistake. I personally feel like it was more of a similar mistake to when Alina burned the maps. She had good intentions, she did it to protect someone she cared about, but in the end she caused others harm. With Alina she wanted to protect Mal and her whole unit was killed. With Kirigan I think he hoped a spy in the Royal household would protect the Grisha but in the end Genya was harmed by the King. One question I do have is whether Kirigan feels any guilt over what happened to Genya, whether he regrets his decision. I mean we did see him protect Alina from the King when he insisted she remain at the Little Palace. But was that just because it was Alina, the Sun Summoner? What if it were someone else. For example say the King came to the General and said he had taken a fancy to Marie, or Nadia or Zoya, and asked for them to be sent to the Grande Palace, would the General have agreed or would he have made some excuse as to why they couldn’t go, maybe even sent them on an assignment to protect them? There’s no way we can really know the answers to these questions as we just don’t know enough about the situation. All we know is that the General ultimately decided to get rid of the King but even then we don’t know for certain what his motivations for that were.   

I suppose you could say that him plotting against the king and conspiring with the apparat to usurp the throne was also a ‘bad guy’ move. But to be honest after telling us everything that the King did and just generally presenting the royal family in a negative light, I was surprised that Alina had such a problem with what the General did. To me it didn’t make sense for her to be upset and using that against him. I mean after learning what he did to Genya I was fully on the Darkling’s side when it came to killing the King. If they were trying to present this as a ‘villain’ move on the Darkling’s part then they did a poor job of it because I completely understood where he was coming from with that one. 

I felt a similar way with his other big ‘villain’ move when he expanded The Fold into Novokribirsk. At first I found it hard to have sympathy for them considering literally a couple of minutes before we were being shown that the soldiers were planning on murdering everyone on the skiff as soon as it docked. Couple that with the fact that Zlatan had arranged to assassinate Alina and once again I found myself on the Darkling’s side, I mean screw Zlatan and his soldiers. It was another case of it wasn’t until I rewatched it that I realised the villainous part of what the Darkling did was that there were civilians in the city that were also killed. To be honest I do wish that the show had done a better job of showing those civilians to really get across the horror of what the Darkling did. I mean on a rewatch I could see a few civilians mixed in with the soldiers but they were blended in so were hard to spot. I guess that was the purpose of Zoya having family in the city, to tell the viewer that there were innocents there but I just don’t think it made enough of an impact. I feel like if they had focussed in on actual civilians running and being swallowed by the darkness as well as the West Ravkan soldiers it would have had a bigger and more horrific impact. Instead it just kind of came across as the bad guys who had been built up as being bad throughout the season, who were rebels and who had tried to kill the main character, were finally eliminated. Lets be real if Alina had been the one to take out those soldiers we would all have been cheering. Lets talk about Game of Thrones for a moment as an example (spoiler alert for GOT here) however you felt about the way Dany’s descent into madness was written one thing the writers did right in The Bells episode was focus on the civilians that Dany was killing on the ground. They cut away from Dany completely and stayed on the ground with her victims and so you get that impact of what she has done, you see the horror in what she has done and I think this is something that would have worked well with Shadow and Bone. If they had just cut away from the skiff for a scene showing the civilians, the victims that were being effected by what the Darkling was doing then I think I would have been more shocked and effected by his actions. 

Ok so lets focus back in on the character and talk about what his motivations might have been for Novokribirsk. Why did he expand the Fold and take out the city? Well again I don’t think its hard to answer that question. We have to remember that he is a General that is fighting a war on three fronts. He’s fighting the Fjerdans on one side, the Shu Han on another and then the cherry on top is that the West Ravkans are rising up in rebellion. It’s already hard enough having to fight two enemy countries without also having to split your forces again to deal with a rebellion. The General knows that they are already overstretched without having to split their force again to deal with Zlatan. So if you look at it from his point of view striking down Zlatan now before the rebellion gets too large is a tactical military move. Also the fact that it is such a violent move will act as a deterrent for any remaining rebels who might think of trying to restart Zlatan’s movement. As well as to Fjerda and Shu Han, a this is what we do to our own people when they act against us so think about what we might do to you if you cross us, kind of deal. As for the innocent civilians that were in the city well I think the Darkling would convince himself that it was a numbers game. He might have killed hundreds of civilians but as far as he sees it he has spared thousands of lives that would have been lost if they had gone to war with West Ravka. By now the General knows the cost of war, so to him sacrificing a few hundred civilians is worth the price of saving thousands of his soldiers. Of course there is another motivation for the General, one that is less military strategy and more personal and emotionally driven. As Kaz says he was a man fuelled by vengeance. These soldiers standing on the dock had turned their back on Grisha and even worse than that they had tried to kill Alina. In the scene where The Darkling is talking to the Conductor and the Conductor admits to agreeing to assassinate Alina for a million kruge you can see how angry this makes The Darkling. This idea that someone would harm Alina for something as material as money is unforgivable to him. I said in a previous post that I wondered if the General always planned to expand the fold into Novokribirsk and I actually think the answer to that is no he didn’t. I actually think he was trying to make up his mind about what to do about Zlatan and his rebels, its possible he had a number of strategies to go with and was trying to decide which to choose, with expanding the fold being the most extreme of them. I actually think this here is the moment he decides to go with that plan. As he walks away from the Conductor and the Conductor asks ‘tell me how I can help’ The Darkling replies ‘you already have.’ I actually think what he meant here was you’ve helped me make up my mind. Them daring to harm Alina was the linchpin.         

Which brings me to the next part of this analysis, The Darkling’s manipulation and relationship with Alina. One of the great things the show did with the Darkling’s character was making him so complex and nuanced that the audience is in very much the same position as Alina when that reveal is made about Aleksander being the Black Heretic. Just like Alina (if you haven’t read the books) you are left sort of blindsided. Also just like Alina the audience is left wondering how much of it was a manipulation. Was all of it part of his manipulation? Or were there some moments that were real? Did he care at all about Alina or was he just interested in her power? 

Well I will say this, while I do think he always planned to manipulate her, I don’t think he ever planned or tried to use seduction as part of that manipulation. I think we have to remember that he was waiting for the Sun Summoner for hundreds of years and I think he spent that time creating his plan for her and her power. We also have to remember that when he was creating this plan he was expecting to find a child. I think his plan was to earn her trust as a mentor and build a confidence between them. I think he planned to bring her up with his ideals, to bring her up believing the best thing was to use the fold as a weapon, to bring her up to always want to protect the Grisha and to bring her up to embrace her power. However this whole plan had a wrench thrown in it when he does finally find Alina and she’s not a child, she’s a grown woman and one that has been taught her whole life that the Sun Summoner’s purpose is to tear down the fold. Changing the ideals and beliefs of an adult is alot harder to do than a child. On top of that I think he does develop real feelings for her. But these feelings get in the way of his plans, which makes everything all the more complicated for him.        

Lets go to the moment they first meet. I do think right from the get go he is intrigued by her and mean I think when you watch the scene you are so focused on Alina and what she must be going through and feeling, how scared she must be being dragged in front of this powerful General that she’s only ever heard stories about, that we don’t think about what this moment meant to the General. I mean he has been waiting for this woman for so long. She could be the solution to all of his problems, a fix for all of his mistakes. She has been his one glimmer of hope in the vast darkness of eternity. And now she’s here in front of him. Jessie said in an interview that Alina felt a connection to Aleksander right from the beginning, but I think he felt a connection to her too. I think you can even see the moment they make that connection and it’s when he takes her wrist in the tent.

Once he takes her wrist they never break eye contact even as he draws her sleeve up higher, their eyes are glued to each other. Then they both pause for a few beats and again just stare at each other.

The tension between them is so thick it almost makes you want to yell get a room at the screen. It’s like they both suddenly felt something click between them, a oh I know you, kind of moment. But I also feel like Aleksander is a bit surprised by this feeling, he wasn’t expecting it. They don’t break eye contact until The General cuts her arm releasing her power and causing her to look down in surprise. But almost immediately Alina brings her eyes back to his. One kind of cool little detail I did notice is that you can see the reflection of the beam of light in both their eyes.

It’s like a thread connecting them both, I don’t know why but it sort of reminds me of that red thread of fate legend. But also with them both having dark eyes the beam of light reflected in them sort of reminds me of yin and yang. The other thing of note is the General’s facial expression when he sees her power. Whilst everyone else is looking on is awe and surprise, he looks almost content, definitely happy and maybe even a bit hopeful. To me he kind of looks like he’s just had all his prayers answered. 

I think Kirigan is further intrigued by Alina in episode two when she talks back to him with that rant about maybe he hasn’t found anyone with her power because they didn’t want to be found. I think its the first time in a long while that anyone has stood up to him and not just said yes sir. I actually found it really comical how surprised he was when she said no to him. You just know he hasn’t heard that word much in recent lifetimes. But I do think this plants those first seeds of him seeing her as an equal to him. I think this is where he starts to see her as not someone to bow at his feet but someone who belongs at his side. Then when she confesses that she hid from the testers because she didn’t want to feel even more alone I think he really saw something of himself in her. I mean you can see his facial expression shift. I think this furthers his idea that she is meant to be at his side, that she is the same as him and I think even at this early stage he begins to hope that maybe she is someone who will understand him as no one else ever has. In that moment he is determined to make sure she doesn’t ever feel alone again and that is why he tells her ‘you are Grisha, you are not alone.’ You can see from the passion in his voice when he says it that this is something very personal to him. 

However despite this connection he feels to her and the care I think he has for her too, he does manipulate her. I think one of the more obvious manipulations happens in episode 4 when he takes her to the fountain. Something that is worth noting is that before setting out on their ride Aleksander takes off his Kefta. Their Keftas in the show are presented as their armour, so I think it was a very deliberate move on his part to sort of send the message to her, look I’m taking my armour off for you and I am being vulnerable and open to you. He furthers this by giving her his name to create this familiarity between them. Then he takes her to a place that is personal to him and then he really gets into his manipulation game. Here’s the thing though, I feel like most of the time when we think of manipulation we think of lies. But sometimes the best way to manipulate a person is through twisting the truth and I think this is what he does here. From their conversations so far I think he has figured out that Alina feels like an outsider and that she fears being alone and not fitting in. I definitely think he uses this information to manipulate her by telling her the story about how he used to go to the fountain as a boy after he discovered he was descended from the most hated Grisha in Ravka and wished to be anybody else. He knows that Alina will respond to this story, that it will make her feel sympathy for him and also make her feel like he is someone who understands her and therefore someone she can trust and rely on. He is also most definitely being deceitful in that he knows she thinks he is talking about being related to the Black Heretic when in fact he is the Black Heretic. However that doesn’t mean that what he said was untrue. I really do think he used to go there as a boy and wish to be someone else. As for being the descendant of the most hated Grisha in Ravka well my theory there is that he could actually be talking about Morozova. In the flashback in episode 7 Aleksander says that he and Baghra are his descendants and that means that if he created the amplifiers than Aleksander could create an army. Baghra gives the warning that Aleksander will die like Morozova. This makes me think that Morozova died in quite an unpleasant way, maybe even killed because he was feared and hated. I mean sure the Black Heretic is the most hated Grisha in all of Ravka now, but whose to say there wasn’t someone who came before him? Another Grisha who was hated like the Black Heretic is now. And maybe when Aleksander was a boy he discovered he was the descendant of Morozova and that was a burden on him, so much so that he wished he was someone else. 

I also think he was being genuine when he talked about how he is never seen as the solution only a reminder of the problem. I mean we’ve seen this ourselves in episode one its one of the first things we learn about him, that he can’t bring down the fold. I also think he’s being truthful when he says they always need someone to blame but again he’s twisting this truth. Alina thinks he means he is being unjustly blamed for not being able to fix the Fold but I think he actually is talking about how the Old King turned on him. I’m also sure over the years many people have blamed him and the Grisha for all the ills the world has suffered. But I do think he really meant it when he told her that he wouldn’t let the world make her the new Heretic. I think making sure that doesn’t happen is something he cares deeply about and I think it shows that he does have some care for her that he is so determined that she doesn’t go through what he did with the world turning on him. 

Slight diversion here but I do want to talk about whether or not this hatred the world has for him is justified, I mean he did create the fold and that fold has killed alot of people since its creation. So surely just the fact that he created the fold is enough to solidify him as the villain. Well I think that depends on why he created the fold. I mean we get three different versions of how and why the Fold was created. The first one we hear is in episode 4 when Alina tells us the story that is taught to children in school. They say that history is written by the victors, and whilst I personally don’t think there were any victors in the creation of the fold, The Black Heretic disappeared with its creation, presumed to be dead, so the Old King probably considered himself the victor and was left to decide the history. Therefore this story was most likely the Old King’s version of events. In this version of the story it talks about how the Darkling hungered for more power after being made the Kings military advisor and this made the king fear that the Darkling would try to overthrow him. So he put a bounty on his head and that of anyone who stood by him. Eventually the Heretic realised he was outnumbered and decided to create an army using forbidden science. But he failed, creating the fold and killing himself and countless others. The second version we get is from Baghra and it is similar to this one. She says that he created the Fold to use as a weapon, that he tried making an army with merzost and that he didn’t think about what that would do to the people who lived there, that it turned the men, women and children into the Volcra. That she had warned him there would be a price and that he didn’t listen. She also says that he took a noble’s name to hide after. Baghra’s version paints Aleksander as power hungry and as someone who will stop at nothing to get what he wants no matter the cost. But there are somethings I think its worth noting about her version. The first is that it is very brief, sort of like the cliff notes version, as they are in a hurry and she needs to get Alina out of there pronto. She doesn’t have time to go into all the details so she tells her enough to convince her to leave. Which brings me to my second point, Baghra’s motivation here is to get Alina to flee, so logically the best way to do that is to tell her the worst parts of the story and leave out anything that might make Alina feel sympathetic towards Aleksander and therefore hesitate about leaving. Another thing to remember is that Baghra whilst she might know somethings wasn’t there for a lot of it, she didn’t see Luda killed by the soldiers just knows that she was killed and she didn’t witness the confrontation between Aleksander and the soldiers. However what she did see likely had an effect on her. There is one moment in particular during Baghra’s story where she becomes emotional and choked up, there are tears in her eyes and you just know she is reliving a bad memory and that is when she talks about the women and children who were turned into the Volcra alongside the soldiers. Think for a moment about where Baghra was when the fold was created. She was inside the sanctuary with the women and children who were hiding from the soldiers. Which means that she would have witnessed them turning into the Volcra which must have been a horrifying scene. 

Eventually we get to episode 7 and we learn what really happened when the fold was created and the story is more tragic that first told. I mean first you have the whole situation with Luda. He obviously loved her deeply and I can only imagine how painful it must have been to see her murdered right in front of him and to feel that guilt of her dying because she was protecting him. I mean the words ‘just mortal’ now make me want to burst out crying anytime I hear them. Then he gets to the sanctuary and there’s all these Grisha there that need protecting. I think he feels a responsibility for them. Then his mother reminds him that they are not fighters, they make things. Which gives him the idea of creating an army using merzost. It is worth pointing out here that when telling the tale to Alina Baghra says that she warned Aleksander that there would be a price for using merzost, but when you actually see the conversation what she says is that whilst the small science feeds them merzost feeds on them. This suggests that the price to be paid is by him. So yes he was aware there would be a price but he assumed he would be the one paying it. I think if he knew that the people inside the sanctuary would be turned into Volcra he might not have gone through with it. This is another thing that makes the story even more tragic. Aleksander was driven to create his own army by his wish to protect his people, but he lost control and ended up destroying the very people he was trying so hard to protect. Another thing I noticed when Alina is telling the story of the heretic in episode four when she gets to the part about the Heretic being killed along with countless other you can hear what sound like screams in the background, also Aleksander looks really sad and guilty. It is also right after that he says he had devoted his life to undoing the great sin aka the creation of the fold. We see this look of guilt again when Alina confronts him in episode 7 about being the one to create the fold and therefore responsible for the deaths of her friends and parents. You see him look to the floor.

 I really do think that he has alot of guilt about the fold, he sees it as a mistake.  We see both Baghra and Alina make the claim, the fold was no mistake. But in episode 7 we learn that it was, Aleksander did not deliberately set out to create the fold. It wasn't his intention. It seems to me that he wanted to bend the will of the soldiers to his, to make them his own army, but I think he lost control due to the emotional state he was in at the time. I mean right before the soldiers were threatening to murder all the people inside, including his mother, and were mocking him about Luda’s death. He was grieving, he was angry and he was fearful for his people. We were told the fold was born out of greed but lets be real it was born out of grief and out of pain and anger and fear. 

So if he considers it such a big mistake why doesn’t he want to tear it down? Well I think its two fold. On one hand he might be afraid of what he’ll see. It’s like Kaz says to Zoya ‘it’s dangerous to go looking for the dead. What you see may haunt you for the rest of your days.’ Tearing down the fold will reveal all the destruction he caused to the land and to the people who lived there, he’d have to really confront what he did to his own people. But I think another motivator is what he said about undoing the great sin. I think he thinks if he makes the fold useful then at least it would have made the ‘deaths’ of his people mean something somehow. If creating the fold cost them their lives then maybe by making it a weapon that can be used to protect Grisha will make their ‘deaths’ a worthwhile sacrifice.

Ok so diversion over, lets go back to the Darklina relationship and how much of his actions were a manipulation. We’ve already established that he was being manipulative when taking her to the fountain and was telling her twisted truths. But if we stick with episode 4 there’s the scene where she comes to visit him at night in the war room. This whole scene I actually think he was being completely genuine. I don’t think any of it was part of his manipulation of her. First off is the way they are both dressed. They are both in their nightclothes which gives this idea of them being more intimate and more exposed to each other. I said above that the Kefta is seen as the Grisha’s armour, well here neither one of them are wearing their Kefta. They have both taken off their armour and are letting each other in. When Alina first finds him he is looking over the war map and you can see that he looks troubled, which you know fair enough considering he’s fighting a war on two fronts, having to deal with getting supplies through the fold and how to deal with the rebels. I love the way he looks at Alina when she comes in though, its just so soft and I feel like he feels instantly calmer when he sees her. But then he starts talking about how he’s been fighting the war alone and lost friends, about how their own people are turning on Grisha just as their kin once did and he is clearly thinking back to when the Old King was hunting him and his people. When the shadows start creeping in I think his pain is very real, I don’t think this was an act at all and once again if you listen closely you can hear those faint screams in the background. Then Alina dispels the shadows with her light and repeats his words back to him, ‘you are not alone.’ I think in this moment he truly does feel like he’s not alone. That he has found someone who understands him and who is his equal, who is like him. So he reaches out and cups her face and tells her he’s been waiting for her a long time. But then she pulls away and says she should go. I think Aleksander is afraid at this moment that he has frightened her away or that he misinterpreted the situation and he becomes very confused. So when she lingers at the door he goes to it and contemplates calling her back, just as she struggles with whether she should go back. But then she walks away and I think he thinks that maybe he was wrong and she doesn’t feel the same as him and he is a little angry with himself for losing focus and for feeling something for her and so he locks the door between them.  

Another question I asked myself was whether he always intended to put the stag collar on her and to control her powers. In my opinion this one has a bit of a yes and a no answer. I think he kept changing his mind. He clearly knew that by killing the Stag and putting the amplifier on her he would gain control of her powers. As I said early I think his first draft of the plan, shall we say, was to find the Sun Summoner as a child, to gain her trust as her mentor and teach her that the Fold is a weapon to be used as opposed to something that needs to be torn down. If he had found her as a child he would have had a lot more control over her and could shape her into what he wanted. However when they find the Sun Summoner she’s an adult and believes that its her fate to tear down the fold so he has to do a rework of his plan. On top of that he’s got this problem that she clearly doesn’t want to be the Sun Summoner she has no interest in saving anyone and she just wants to go back to being a mapmaker in the First Army. I think it is during that speech where she talks about him transferring her power to someone else that he starts to look into whether that is possible. But as he gets to know her more I think this changes again and he starts to feel things for her and I think he starts to believe that they want the same things and that maybe taking control of her powers won’t be necessary. I think the turning point for him is in episode 5. In the breakdown video of their first kiss Jessie says Alina goes to the General’s rooms because of what happened the night before in the war room where they had a moment in episode 4. Alina wasn’t sure what that moment meant and so she was seeking out Aleksander because she was intrigued and wanted to know if there was something there. Aleksander is once again clearly happy to see her but I do feel like there is some awkwardness there because of what happened in episode 4 and because he feels like he had misinterpreted things and maybe was too intense with her. It’s an interesting dynamic because as Jessie says in that video in this moment he is the vulnerable one. One moment in particular that I think shows this vulnerability is right after she helps him into his Kefta. Again going back to the whole the Kefta is armour thing. When Alina first enters the room like in episode 4 she is wearing her dressing gown she has come to him with her armour off so to speak. He is also out of his Kefta and this early conversation is playful where they are joking about Ivan and the Volcra. But after she puts the Kefta on him is when his mood shifts a little and you see him kind of tug the Kefta tighter around himself. I feel like he was trying to protect himself because the more time he spends with her the more vulnerable and confused he feels, he’s feeling alot of feelings he hasn’t felt in a long time and I think he knows by now that he is well on his way to falling in love with her and this scares him a bit because he has lost loves in the past. Him putting the Kefta back on is like him attempting to put that armour back on. There is another way of looking at it too though. It’s worth noting that on this occasion Alina is the one helping him put the armour/Kefta on, like she is the one giving him protection. Then he turns around Alina is alot closer then he anticipated and you can actually see him struggling to even form words. Then she leans in close to him like she's about to kiss him but changes her mind and walks into the other room leaving our poor guy more confused than ever. Then Alina makes the speech about how she finally feels like she is part of something bigger and that they can offer hope to the Grisha and to Ravkans. In this moment our girl was talking straight to our boy’s heart. I think this is all he has ever wanted to hear her say, especially the ‘we can offer hope.’ I think he really means it when he says it means a lot to him and you can hear the passion in his voice when he says ‘you mean a lot.’ Of course when she looks down he once again becomes afraid he’s overstepped, gone too far and so he tries to backtrack with ‘to everyone’. And well we all know what happens next. Alina kisses him and as he says after he is surprised and not many people do surprise him. I think there is something about this woman that just makes him lose all his senses until his whole world becomes about her. I feel like throughout episode 5 Aleksander feels like he’s gotten everything he’s ever wanted. Because maybe she does feel the same way he does, maybe she wants the same things he does, maybe he has found his life partner, another immortal who will always be by his side, finally he’ll never have to feel alone again. I think the moment I decided this fool was definitely in love with Alina was the look on his face when she enters the room and he sees her in his colours for the first time. After watching her demonstration I think he does see her as his equal. He’s in complete awe of her and the only time he looks away is to look at the Monarchs to see their reaction. Basically from the moment Alina kisses him to this moment where he is seeing her take command of the room and truly showing her power, having people bow to her, Aleksander is living his best life, he’s on cloud nine. 

Then he gets word that someone has located the stag. We don’t see the scene where he gets informed of this but you can imagine he probably can’t believe his luck. Not only are things perfect between him and Alina but now someone has found the amplifier. But I feel like he gets a bit of a reality check when he discovers that Mal is the one who found the stag and he’s now here in the Little Palace. I feel like Aleksander sort of came crashing down to earth here and realised he might have a bit of a problem. Once again he’s having to do a quick, rapid, rework of his plan. Which brings us to another moment where the Darkling is being manipulative. He uses Mal to find out what Alina’s favourite flower is. I mean I suppose you could argue that he’s only doing what every other person does when they want to get a gift for their crush and don’t know what would be best, ask the best friend. But all jokes aside this move was clearly calculative on The Darkling’s part. But I couldn’t help but wonder why he decided to use the Irises. What was his motivation here. It’s clear that he has already won Alina over seeing as she was kissing him not to long ago. Well I said earlier that I think he changed his mind about using the collar on her. I do think after their conversation in episode 2 where she talks about how she didn’t want any of it and could he transfer it he thought she was going to be a problem and difficult so maybe he should look into finding a way of controlling her power. In the beginning she was focussed on her old life and I feel like she didn’t have much loyalty or care for the Grisha, it took her awhile to accept who she was and she was also struggling to use her powers. All she wanted was to go back to Mal and I think this may be why, or at least part of the reason why The General takes their letters. For one he didn’t want her to go back to him and so making her think that Mal didn’t care would encourage her stay put and discourage any ideas of leaving. I mean given her comment in episode 3 where Alina asks Genya if anyone had ever escaped the Little Palace, which the General overheard, its not that surprising that he would decide to confiscate any of her correspondence out of the Palace in case she was organising a breakout with Mal. Secondly as I said she was having trouble using her powers and I think after reading the letters maybe he figures out that its because of Mal that she is struggling, so he either stopped the letters because he wanted her to continue feeling abandoned by Mal and therefore he was hoping she would shift her dependence onto him or because he knew if she let go of Mal then she would be able to control her power more and more power for Alina means more power for him to control. This was all very manipulative on his part and obviously not the actions of someone who cares about Alina’s feelings but at this point she wasn’t Alina to him she was the Sun Summoner, a tool to be used and he was thinking as a General who had people and a whole country to protect and if that meant putting the collar on this stranger then so be it. I think he set out to win her trust to make it easier for him to put that collar on her when the time came. But then as he got to know her more, started catching feelings for her and after their conversation in episode 5, I think he decided that maybe he wouldn’t need to use the collar after all. My theory is that he got her the flowers and he took her to the war room instead of the dinner because he was planning to tell her some of the truth. I don’t think he was going to tell her about who he really was and about him being the Fold’s creator but I do think its possible that he intended to tell her about the Stag and maybe even try to convince her about using the Fold as a weapon. So I think he just wanted to put her in as good a mood as he could if that makes sense, sweeten her up before he brought it up. Also telling her about the Stag means telling her about Mal. I think he actually felt a little threatened by Mal because having read their letters he knows how she feels about Mal. So he wants her attention as much on him as possible. I think he very much felt like his dream was slipping away. As for the make out on the war table moment, that could have also been an attempt to keep her sweet on him like the irises. But as I’ve said before Aleksander seems to lose all his senses when he’s with Alina. When he’s with her the only thing he’s focused on is her, and I personally think it was just a case of he really wanted to kiss her. Some of it might also have been to reassure himself that those feelings between them were real, especially now that Mal has shown up. I mean they are both so giddy and happy when they break apart for him to answer the door that I find it difficult to believe that the whole kiss was a cold manipulation, he was grinning like a school boy. My favourite kiss between them (as steamy as their make out session was) was actually the one where he comes back to kiss her one last time. This is right after he has learnt that she was the target of an attack that happened inside of his Palace, which is the one place where his people are supposed to be safe. I think in that moment he just needed to reassure himself that she is safe, you can see his desperation in the kiss. There was just something so soft and pure about it. If I am sure about anything is that one was definitely real, I may have small doubts about the other kisses but that one kiss was 100% true.   

Things only get worse for Aleksander in episode 6 when he realises that Alina is missing. I think how he behaves in this episode tells us alot about how he really feels about Alina. He becomes somewhat unhinged when she goes missing and only becomes more so the longer she is gone from him. His sole focus is on her and finding her, to the point where he kind of forgets about anything else as we see when Fedyor comes to report about Nina, The General has completely forgotten there were other missions and things he was dealing with. Later when he calls Zoya to tell her to prepare a team to track down ‘Alina’s abductors’ and she puts forward the suggestion that Alina ran by herself, he doesn’t even consider it a possibility. The idea that she would willingly leave him is just too hard for him to wrap his head around because as he says to Zoya he is sure he knows exactly how she feels. He is usually the composed, unfazed General but he very much snaps at this moment and I think reveals more than he intended to Zoya, who clearly looks surprised by his outburst. He even says himself with Alina gone he’s not himself, he’s feeling unbalanced and tense without her. So when Zoya offers to help him relax he tells her that he’ll relax when he has Alina. I think its important as well that he says Alina and not the Sun Summoner. It’s not the Sun Summoner he’s lost without its Alina. When he finally catches up with Kaz and is told that Alina fled on her own you can see how shocked he is at this.

 And even then he has trouble believing it because he once again asks where she is and its not until the line ‘It was pretty clear she wasn’t interested in being a captive any more’ that it begins to set in for him and you see his shadows creep in. After you can see the heartbreak set in and then the anger.

 This anger only grows when he learns that she is with Mal and that she is going after the Stag. I think he very much feels like everything has been snatched away from him in a blink of an eye. I think he is angry that he was blindsided by it and he’s angry that he let his feelings for her cloud his judgement and distract him from his plans. Because of his feelings for her he might now have ruined all his plans and, as he would see it, risked the safety of the Grisha in doing so. Naturally its back to plan A of forcing the collar on her, because no matter how he feels about her he can’t let that distract him from his mission to protect the Grisha again. 

However no matter how angry he is at her and how hurt is is that she ran from him, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about her. I see alot of arguments that he can’t have loved Alina because you can’t hurt someone you love like he did when he put the collar on her. But I’m calling BS on that one now because the people you love are the people who can hurt you the most, especially when they are hurt or angry. It doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t love you it just means they are human and make mistakes. However that doesn’t mean you should tolerate those mistakes or brush them under the rug, absolutely they should be called out for them and held accountable for them and I am really glad that Alina does do this. The Darkling's anger at her is what drives him to find her and to kill the stag himself so he can collar her and I think this anger builds up whilst he is away from her, again showing how unhinged he has become without her. But I feel like some of that anger ebbs away a bit when he does find her and once she is in front of him again. That moment when he finds her and the stag and Mal is hurt and he calls out to her that she can’t save them, that as powerful as she is she does not have the power to heal. He is obviously thinking back to Luda here. Because as powerful as he was he was not powerful enough to save her, in that moment he was utterly powerless to keep her from dying. I think despite how hurt he is he cares about her too much to watch her go through the same pain and grief he did which is why he offers to heal Mal if she gives him the Stag. The similarities between the two scenes (the one with Alina, mal and the Stag and the one with Aleksander, Luda and the king’s men) are clear and I think really have an effect on Aleksander. I think when he says that Mal was only protecting Miss Starkov there are two interesting points. One is the use of the term Miss Starkov. This is a name he mostly called her when they barely knew each other and I think he is trying to distance himself from her again by making things more formal between them. The other thing is that it draws a parallel between both Mal and Luda. Both Mal and Luda were just trying to protect the people they love and Aleksander clearly doesn’t think either one of them deserved to die for it so he lets Mal live. 

Another scene I want to talk about real quick is the one right before he puts the collar on her. This scene is eerily similar to when they first meet. Once again they are back in a tent. Once again the scene starts with the Darkling’s back to her and with Alina in the hands of a guard/s. I said before that I think alot of the reason why he decides to collar her is because she doesn’t share his views and he feels like he needs to control her so he can weaponize the fold and save his people. That he was angry at himself for believing she might be his equal and share his goals. I think this scene where he talks to her shows that. The fact that he lowers himself to her level I think shows that he does see her as an equal. Then he talks about how together they could end all wars and protect their own and asks isn’t that what she wants. I think he is still clinging to that belief that he wasn’t wrong and that they did want the same things and maybe some part of him was still hoping he might not need to use the collar. But then she asks if they are going to tear down the fold and you can see the disappointment on his face because he understands now that she won’t see it his way. So instead he deflects the question and I think this is the moment that cements his choice to collar her.  

Further evidence that he does still care about Alina comes when he puts the collar on her. This is obviously a very distressing and gruesome scene. What he is doing is obviously wrong and I think deep down he knows it too. He can’t bear to look at her as it happens and so her turns away and its the second time he does as he also looks away in guilt when he threatens Mal. I don’t think he can handle her looking at him like he’s a monster and he can’t cope with seeing the betrayal and hurt in her eyes. It is also worth noting that I think part of the reason why he goes through with putting the amplifier on her is like he said to Mal, he thinks that over the years she will come to forgive him. Now this conversation where he talks about how she might take years to forgive him but he had patience also tells us that the fact that he is hoping for forgiveness shows that he knows what he is doing to her is wrong, that it is something that will require forgiveness. When he comes to see her later in her tent, can we just talk for a moment how nice that tent was, I mean he really went all out for her with lace and flowers like he somehow thought that would make up for him fusing a antler into her collar bone, but again even the fact that he gives her all these nice things shows that he wants that forgiveness and the way he approaches her as well is cautiously, like you would a wounded animal. He knows he’s hurt her and made her angry so he comes in with sweet words of compliments, telling her how special she is, and very quickly comes to know that she’s not having any of it. I mean that look she gives him when he first comes in, if looks could kill he’d be six feet under now. But I really do think he did go to her just because he wanted to talk to her, despite his words to Mal about having the patience to wait however many years it will take for her to forgive him, he wants to fix things between them now. He doesn’t want her to be angry with him and he doesn’t want her to be in pain. He’s desperate to get back what they had in episode 5. Also I think its important that we remember that until that conversation with her in the tent he didn’t know that she had discovered who he really was, so when she ran he believed that she had ran because she wanted to be with Mal which I think contributed to his anger at her and his feeling of betrayal. He couldn’t understand why she would want to be with someone who he believes never appreciated who she really was and who is mortal and will eventually just be a blip in her very long lifetime, instead of being with him who is her equal and immortal like her. This is another occasion where I feel like he gets a bit of a reality check and realises that she didn’t run because of Mal, she ran because of his own lies. So all that anger he felt at her ‘betrayal’ was unjust. But then I think he feels a different sense of betrayal in how easily she believed Baghra. I mean looking at it from his point of view she didn’t come to him and ask for his side of the story or demand an explanation she just trusted Baghra and ran. He is clearly desperate to make her understand and you can see his composure begin to fail as he stands and tells her that everything he is ever done has been to make Grisha and Ravka safer. I really do think that line was true, he really does believe that what he’s doing is the right thing for his people and his country. You can feel his frustration and desperation continuing to build throughout the scene as he pretty much pleads with her to understand and can see that she doesn’t. I think the part that really hurts him though is when she says ‘we could have had this, all of it. You could have made me your equal, instead you made me this.’ This line is so powerful and I think its at this moment that he realises just how badly he has messed up. To be told that his actions are the reason why he hasn’t got her, the one thing he wants more than anything else in the world right now. Also the line of making her his equal I think would have hit him hard because he did see her as his equal and so I think he’s surprised that she believes that he didn’t make her his equal and then when she says ‘instead you made me this’ he realises that whilst he might have seen her as his equal he wasn’t treating her as one. His need for control made her a slave to him and I really think that in this moment he is realising that, I genuinely think this dumbass got so caught up in his own dream of what the two of them together could be that he didn’t realise that whilst he thought he was protecting her and helping her grow into this saviour for their people he was taking away her choices and he was making her feel like a captive, the dummy didn’t think to ask how she felt about any of it because he assumed he already knew, it was the same as what he wanted, to protect their country and people. So his anger when he says the line ‘fine make me your villain’ isn’t just directed at her but himself too. It’s not just his hurt and anger that she doesn’t understand his reasons and that she isn’t seeing it his way, it’s also because he knows it was his own actions that lead him to that moment when the woman he loves is standing in front of him and looking at him like he is a monster. He can’t go back and he can’t undo it and worse than that he can’t seem to get her to understand why he did it. I think he feels trapped and so the only thing he can be to her now is her villain. 

It’s after this conversation that his demeanour towards her changes and you can see that he sort of stops trying to win her over. He’s not as gentle with her, I mean he ties her to the deck of the skiff and answers mockingly when she points out it’s not a good look for him with the ambassadors. I did notice though that after that conversation he seems to have trouble looking at her. When they are walking to the skiff and he tells her that Mal is being held captive and will be released if she does her part, he isn’t looking at her but straight ahead and this is something he does alot when he is threatening Mal. The moment when he takes off her cloak he does glance down at her. I seen alot of debate about that scene, as it does come across as having a bit of sexual tension in it and some people thought it was a rather sexy scene whereas others pointed out that he was holding her captive and mocking her. Me personally I actually think its both. People talk about how it has to be one or the other. But yes in that scene he is holding her captive and that part’s not sexy but there is a moment where I feel like he still feels that draw to her. Before reaching up to undo her cloak it seems to me like a hesitates for a moment. When he goes to whisper in her ear that he doubts they’ll notice her feet and I think he feels that pull and that attraction to her and he is really close to her, I don’t think he’s been that close to her since the war room in episode 5. You can see him lean slightly towards her and I think he really is struggling with the desire he feels for her which is why he steps back with the cloak rather forcefully, like he's having to force himself away from her again. It kind of reminded me of the scene where she helped him into his Kefta. So no the situation itself is not sexy but I do still think there is tension in the scene because the attraction they feel for each other didn’t just disappear despite how hurt and angry they are at each other. It’s like their words are saying one thing but their body language is saying another. 

When they are in the Fold again at first The Darkling avoids looking at her particularly when he is forcing her to use her power to create the tunnel of light. His focus is on The Fold. Again I think this shows that he is determined to not let his feelings for her get in the way for his goals, yet he knows he is taking away her free will and her choice and that’s hurting her so he can’t really stand to look at her. Its the same when she asks to tear down the fold and he answers why would they destroy the best weapon they have. Again he doesn’t look at her when he says it because he knows that he deceived her by letting her believe that was what they were going to do and he doesn’t want to see the disappointment and betrayal in her eyes. Again this is something he does alot and look, I love The Darkling’s character, I do, but that doesn’t mean I can’t recognise his flaws and for me I kind of saw him as a coward for this. I mean if you are going to deceive and manipulate a person and force them to do something you know they don’t want to do, then at least have the decency to look at them. He does however look at her when she tries to save Novokribirsk after he lets the fold consume it. He stops her and you can see the anger when he says they are traitors who tried to kill her and that this action was retribution. I think he hates the fact that she is trying to save the very people who tried to hurt her. But again he looks away from her when he sees the way she is looking at him and how horrified she is by what he has done. 

Their very last interaction is when she uses the dagger to cut the amplifier from his hand and shows him what she is and that she’s the one the stag chose. He sees this as her betraying their people which is interesting because at the end of the episode Alina says that Kirigan turned on his own people. So they both believe the other turned on their own people, the problem here is that I feel like Alina feels more loyalty towards the non Grisha Ravkans, she still sees them as more her people due to spending more time as just a ordinary mapmaker then as Grisha but the Darkling has more loyalty towards the Grisha. Its like how you know parents aren’t suppose to have a favourite child but we all know they do. Well I feel like the Ravkans are Alina’s favourite child and the Grisha are the Darkling’s. Of course they still care about the other but their ‘favourite’ is their priority if that makes sense. By the end of the season when we see the Darkling emerge from the fold I think he is feeling very angry and very betrayed by Alina, however I actually think the fact that she bested him has only made him look at her as even more of an equal than before. Not only is she someone who will stand up to him but now she has become someone who can match him. I do think he’s in this very complicated situation where he is on an opposite to the person he believes is essentially his soulmate. However as much as I think he does love her I still think he will put his people above her and so will continue to act in what he considers to be the best interests of his people. It also seems like he’s got some new powers and was able to create shadow soldiers which again is interesting because he basically just accomplished what he meant to do in the first place when he created the fold, he’s created his own army. 

Ok so that’s all for now to be honest I could talk about the Darkling forever but I think this is already long enough so if you have read all the way to the end thank you for your time. I am thinking of doing other character analysis posts so keep an eye for that if its something that interests you, I think I might do Alina next. I’ll also post my thoughts on the book once I’ve read it.        

#the darkling #general kirigan #darklina

[drariellevalentine]

To Be Loved

A short drabble for my beautiful big sister @akshara16’s birthday!

Author’s Note:- I’ve used her oc in this fic, so here’s to hoping I’ve done her oc justice!

Also, I don’t have a taglist for Ian x MC so I’ve used my regular taglist, sorry about that!

Prompt:- “I know how it feels to be loved because of you.”

Pairing:- Ian Kingsley x F!OC (Akshara Hughes)

General PoV:-

Akshara stands in the midst of the kitchen, balancing a bowl and whisk on her hip as she preheats the oven to the correct temperature, all while listening to one of her recorded lectures.

Ian’s parents are coming home for dinner, and not to mention for the very first time since they moved in with each other. So of course that would leave her a frantic mess.

Opening the front door of the apartment with his key, ian steps inside to find his girlfriend, and the love of his life, in a spur around the cluttered kitchen and a basting brush stuck into the top of her messy bun.

“Now, where did I keep that basting brush… I swear I just kept it here.”, she tells herself.

“She hasn’t even noticed the door opening…”, he says chuckling.

Ian’s PoV:-

You quickly drop your bag on the sofa, and loop your arms around her waist, making her shriek in surprise as she swivels around.

“Ian! Oh my god, you practically gave me a heart attack! What were you even thinking, I almost dropped the chocolate mousse! Your parents will be here any minute and”-

But before she can continue rambling, you cut her off with a kiss. After a few heated minutes, she breaks the kiss as she takes a breath.

“...i was rambling, wasn’t I?”, she asks with a sheepish smile.

“One of the many things I love about you.”, you reply with a smile.

“Okay, I got distracted, now time to continue, I still have so much to do.”

You pull the brush out of her hair and hand it to her, “Ian, what are you doing-“

“I believe you were looking for this.”, you reply with a grin.

“Oh, silly me. I should stop sticking all my pencils in my hair.”, she replies with a smile. With that, she continues to prep and cook.

You go into your bedroom, and after a quick shower and change of clothes you back into the kitchen to see Akshara, but instead of her calm and cool demeanour, it’s like she’s in a frenzy, pacing all over the kitchen, her attention divided by a million little trifles.

“Akshara, come here for a second.”

“Not now, Ian. I still haven’t put the fish into the oven, let me just do that.”

You sigh. “This is hopeless.”, you mutter to yourself.

With long strides, you enter the kitchen and sweep her off her feet, just as she takes off her oven mitts.

“Ian! Now isn’t the time!”, she tries to protest but to no avail.

You carry her to the sofa and sit her down. She crosses her arms and huffs, an adorable pout across her face.

“Now that I finally have your attention, would you like to tell me what’s wrong?”

Akshara’s PoV:-

You avoid his concerned gaze as you debate whether or not to tell him.

“I’m not letting you go until you tell me what’s wrong.”, he says with a determined tone.

“...fine.” You sigh, knowing there’s no way to get out of this.

“Well?...”

“It’s just, well… I’m scared.”, you reply meekly, not being able to meet his eyes.

His eyes show concern as he carefully prods for an explanation.

“I mean, your parents may not approve of our relationship, or they might think that you deserve better, or they may not even like me and then you might not want to be with me-“, you ramble on as tears threaten to spill from your eyes until ian stops you.

“Hey, hey, hey. Calm down for a second, okay.”

He pulls you into his arms, letting you seek refuge and peace for a few minutes.

Once you’ve calmed down he pushes you back, lifting your chin so your tear glazed eyes meet his and wipes the stray tears from your cheek.

“You have nothing to be scared of, alright? My parents are going to love you, just like I do. Now why are you so scared?”, he asks.

“Because you’ve told me how much your parents mean to you. And if they don’t approve of our relationship… I’m afraid you might leave me.”

Tears stream freely down your cheeks, vision blurred.

His eyes flash with surprise as he speaks. “Of course not, I love you too much to do that. Oh don’t cry, love…”

“I’m sorry for being so insecure, you must think I’m a child who-“

“Shh… that’s not it at all. You want to know what I think about you? I think you’re the most strongest, most independent, and most intelligent woman I’ve ever met. Someone like you who’s faced hardships and heartbreaks that no one should have to go through, should be rude or jealous of others. But you, you are the most kind, caring and sweetest person I’ve ever gotten to you and that is a gift that nothing could ever replace.”, he says with utmost care, cupping your tear streaked cheeks.

“...people say that I should be lucky, I have money, fame, popularity, a full scholarship to the law university i dream of going to, but all I’ve ever wanted was to be loved by someone. To experience love as it is in movies and novels. I’ve longed for that for so long but I’ve never gotten to experience true love… until now. I know how it feels to be loved because of you, Ian. And I’ll never forget that.”, you reply with the most genuine smile you’ve ever smiled.

General PoV:-

The two lovers share a kiss as tears roll down each of their faces, but this one is different then all the ones they’ve ever shared. Instead of passion and lust, there’s love and tenderness and longing, and neither of them would want anything more than that.

——————————————————————————————————

Author’s Note:- I know I haven’t posted anything in so long and there are reasons which I will explain in an upcoming post!

Anyways, a very merry happy birthday to @akshara16! akku I hope this fic was to your liking and I hope I did your oc justice!

Taglist:- One Shot Taglist (Ethan x F!MC):- @tsrookie| @starrystarrytrouble | @mysticaurathings | @caseyvalentineramsey | @alina-yol-ramsey | @openheartthot | @gryffindordaughterofathena | @binny1985 | @jasminedayz |@whimsicallywayward15 | @iemcpbchoices | @sizzlingcashherohumanoid | @archveexz | @deepikakkannan | @nishas-paradise | @maurine07 | @archxxronrookie | @adrex04 | @everythingchoices | @rivenni | @annekebbphotography | @mrsethanfreakingramsey | @jamespotterthefirst | @natureblooms24 | @katkart122 | @udishaman | @hopelessromantics4life | @custaroonie | @mvalentine | @queencarb | @lisha1valecha | @ezekielbhandarivalleros | @ejrownsme @the-pale-goddess | @miss-smrxtiee | @missmiimiie | @choicesfics | @romewritingshop | @taniasethi | @keithandlevi-ontheroof | @choicesfan10 | @open-heart-ramseyyy | @crookedkittyperson | @sistatribe | @groovypalacehorselover | @akshara16 | @epiclazershark | @shanzay44 | @aarisa-frost | @withbeautyandrage | @jooous | @angela8754 | @red-rookie | @realmrsramsey | @theinvisibledreamergirl | @openheartfanfics | @choicesficwriterscreations

#diyaa writes #ian kingsley #queen b choices #queenmalinocent #ian x mc

[brilliant-poses]

Night of the Coyotes

When Dutch Van Der Linde first began to expand his gang, a group of bounty hunters rose to stop a lot of gangs from becoming too big and powerful. The bounty hunters were a successful group, but the Van Der Linde’s and the O’Driscoll’s kept avoiding the rope. You are apart of the bounty hunting group, the Coyotes. You and your older sister, Pride, have been in the group since you were children. Now, you’re faced with the challenges of hunting down each member. When things get out of hand, do you stay loyal or decide a different life?

Chapter 2 - The Town of Blackwater

══════════════════

“We should ask everyone, not just one person, Pride.” You reminded, beginning to kick the dirt at your feet and move towards the grass, where the others were camping. There was a lot of talk around the camp, mostly because everyone had heard the Van der Linde gang were near. Every bounty hunter in the family wanted to catch them. For some, it was a personal reason, while the thrill of the hunt persuaded them to go after the gang. There were a few different women who worked in the gang, some being close friends of Vivian’s while others joined later on. Pride sighed and walked towards the cooking tent. A chubby woman hummed loudly, beginning to cut meat into bits and preparing it with seasonings.

“Alina! You need anythin’ from Blackwater?” Pride called, causing the woman to yell in surprise.

“Oh, you scared me, Pride! You silly girly! Yes, I do! Give me a moment!” She said with her heavy accent, wiping her hands off and going towards a journal to write down a list. Alina Kruger was basically the one who kept women alive. She was a German immigrant, traveling here when she was about twenty and managing to keep herself afloat, thanks to a bakery business she worked for. She joined the family when Vivian had suggest she come with them, tell her it would be adventure and cooking, two things Alina said she wanted in life. Alina had platinum blonde hair and crystal blue eyes, her eyes were round with joy and she looked so innocent. Her cheeks were always pink and her smile was absolutely wonderful. Her hair was normally tied back in two braids, her saying it was a normal German style.

“Here you go!” She said and handed the list to you.

“Thanks, Alina.” You smiled as she giggled lightly.

“Thank you! I did not want to go into town today, I have much to do!” She said and patted your head before shooing you two out so she could continue to cook. Pride as about to go towards her horse before you grabbed her braid.

“That’s not everyone, Pride.” You reminded, tugging her over towards some more tents, causing her to cuss and hiss in pain. You let her go once you’re sure she’s not going run towards her horse. You glanced around and saw a few of your sisters. Virginia Ross, Mary Mantle, and Yolanda Romero. As you stepped closer, you can see the details of what they’re doing get better.

Virginia was from New York, she was from a rather rich family, but she gave that up when her daddy tried to make her marry someone. She told him she wanted to do whatever she wanted, saying she didn’t need money. Virginia had only been with you for a few months, but she was a good member. She had dark brown hair and vibrant green eyes, she was a rather cute individual. Mary, on the other hand, was a cold blooded individual. Her parents were murdered by robbers and now hunts for the hell of it. She’s a little younger than you, most of the hunters were, but she did what she needed to. She had pale skin and dark blonde hair, her eyes a dark brown. She had a large scar that ran across her cheek and a few others over her body. She was a force to be reckoned with. Yolanda was a mystery. She was fun and always had stories of Mexico, but never spoke about why she wanted to be a bounty hunter. You all enjoyed her, with her dark skin and dark, black hair. Her eyes were actually a lighter brown, which made her emotions show. She was probably the best hunter you had, besides Pride.

“Hey girls, you need anything?” You asked with a smile, looking towards them. The girls glanced up, stopping their weapon cleaning to think for a moment.

“Gun oil.” Mary said after a moment, going back to cleaning. You quickly wrote this down on the paper that Alina gave you.

“Get us some more ammo too! My shotgun is getting low.” Virginia said, her northern accent punctuating every word. You glanced towards Yolanda after you wrote ‘ammo’ down, noticing her grin.

“What do you want, Yola?” You asked, the Hispanic woman letting out a loud sigh as she thought.

“Oh! If you find a tambourine, get that. I love tambourines.” She smiled again, making Pride roll her eyes.

“Is that essential for your hunts?”

“Well, we make noises like coyotes, so yeah. It’s to make noises!”

“You’re the reason I go solo.” Pride said and flicked her nose, causing Virginia to giggle.

“A tambourine… We’ll see if we can find one.” You said, causing Yolanda to let out a yell of excitement. You and Pride nodded them goodbye and went towards the tent closest to the entrance of the camp.

“Zotova! Liu! The fuck y’all want from Blackwater?” Pride yelled, forcing you to hit her and shush her. Zotova didn’t even look up from her writing.

“Four journals, three pencils, and hand these out.” The Russian said in her broken English, handing you a few papers with their bounty hunting on it.

“Put them in stores and sheriff’s office.” She said, leaning back to take off her small glasses. Zotova Stanislavovna was the person who helped bring in the money. She was in charge of receiving bounties and giving them to Vivian. She did her job well, but being a Russian immigrant, she couldn’t speak the best English. Some of you had to be there to help her explain herself. She had only been in America for about a year, but everything was falling into place for her. She had blonde hair and brown eyes, who wears glasses a lot of the time.

“I don’t want anything.” Liu said, smiling towards you two. Liu Shun was another hunter, an expert animal hunter, as well. She was the best at long distance shots and tracking. She was a Chinese immigrant, who’s parents worked tirelessly on the railroad. When her parents were killed in an accident, due to the horrible conditions they faced, Liu found your family and requested to help make things right for people like her. She had a good mission, but you were concerned on how people would view her. She had short, her black hair and brown eyes.

“Isabella doesn’t need anything, does she?” Pride asked, referring to the woman who took care of the horses.

“No, she’s fine. She hasn’t mentioned anything.” Zotova said, waving them off. You and Pride nodded, walking towards your horses to see the red head taking care of the animals. Isabella was the kindest soul you had, orphaned at a young age, she’s been in the gang with you and Pride for a long time. She and Brigit was close, the Irish woman who was close to Vivian. The two red heads bonded over their love for horses. You and Pride mounted your horses, not noticing Isabella walking away to grab more hay. She was quiet, so it wasn’t the most surprising thing that she did. She was sweet, but very to herself.

“You ready, Peppercorn?” You asked, patting the Gypsy Cob. He was the best horse you had, the black and white painted horse was the most loyal horse you could ever have. Pride’s horse was a large, white and brown Shire named Sunshine. She named her that since she’s the most hot tempered horse in the entire camp. You mounted Peppercorn, listening to him pant lightly in excitement. Your spurs jabbed into his side and you began to ride off next to Pride. Blackwater wasn’t too far away.

══════════════════

“I can’t believe we’re having to be maids and get shit.” Pride said as she let Sunshine trot in the street. You were sighing lightly, rubbing your face when she complained.

“Come on, Pride. Let’s just get the stuff. Let’s go to the general store.” You offered, listening to her grumble lightly. You and Pride hitched your horses outside the general store, heading inside after you got off the horses. You opened the door, hearing the bell ring and the store clerk greeting you.

“Welcome, ladies!” He greeted, causing you to nod in a greeting. You began to gather the few things that Zotova wanted.

“Pride, go get what Alina wanted from the butcher. I’m going to go get the ammo and gun oil.” You said as you paid for the items, handing him the paper for your bounty hunter family.

“Hang this up.” You said softly and left with Pride. When you were putting the items in your saddle bag, Pride whistled towards you. You looked towards her and saw them. Arthur Morgan and Hosea Matthews.

“Good morning, ladies.” Hosea greeted, knowing exactly who you two are.

“It was.” Pride hissed, glaring towards Morgan, who scoffed.

“We heard you boys were here. We were trying to find you.” You offered Hosea, who chuckled lightly.

“Yeah, we figured. You ladies are very good at what you do.” He said, causing you to nod.

“Y’all are too, for criminals.” You said as Hosea laughed.

“Well, I can’t argue with that.” He said, gently hitting Arthur to make him stop glaring at Pride.

“We’re just here to gather supplies. You gonna try to get us?” He asked, causing you to shake your head. You hit Pride after a moment, seeing her reaching towards her gun.

“We’re here for supplies too. It would be stupid to start shit in the middle of the street. We’ll come for y’all soon.” You explained, causing him to nod.

“Thank ya, ladies. You have a good day now.” He offered and waved slightly. When they trotted past you, you heard Arthur and Pride exchange words.

“Heartless bitch.”

“Tiny dick Morgan.” With that, Pride took the list and stomped towards the butcher while you went towards the gunsmith. You were going to have to tell Vivian about this, but you weren’t going to pursue them. Not yet. It would be dumb to. Pride was hot headed and wanted to kill Arthur Morgan so bad that it consumed her. You were her calm, her reason. You had to show her that the time would come. As you entered the gunsmith’s shop, you knew it was going to be a long day.

#rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 oc #red dead redemption 2 x reader #red dead redemption 2 oc #reader insert

[whoslaurapalmer]

shadow and bone 5-8 

okay first   -you know the more i think about it the more pissed i am that botkin only did show up for a hot second -i hope he shows up more if there's another season but?????? what a MISSED opportunity with alina!!!!! like!!!!!!!!!!! i can't believe it honestly  -not ONLY is there more of him in the book!! but it would've been great with alina being shu!!!!  -they really didn't think that through, did they. botkin is RIGHT THERE and they missed him  -take out nina and put in botkin!! or take out all the crows and give them the justice they deserve in their own season and put in botkin!!!! (the books, as enjoyable as they were to read, still suffer so much in terms of pacing and not having a super tight plot and the show should’ve taken advantage of the opportunity to make changes to make it better and 90% of the time the show just finds a way to drop the ball!!!!!!!!!!!!) 

-also i don't remember what article i read this in, if it was the slate one or a different one, about alina deserving a teacher who doesn't, know you, beat her with a stick  -like, as usual! ON THE ONE HAND baghra is allowed to be a character that's not a good person. characters are allowed to not be good people. that's fine. i like baghra!  -on the other hand..............................................don't smack your students nobody learns from being smacked around 

i was really excited to see alina not take the path baghra told her to -- because again i had been disappointed to see the show not make any major changes to make the plot better (crows interacting with alina doesn’t count bc as people have rightly pointed out, the crows plotline really doesn’t matter here it’s just them having a good time and filling in space) so to see alina do something different and actually show a lot of agency and be competent on her own was great!!!! wish it hadn’t taken like five episodes to get there, though!!!! i know a lot of it is because she’s completely out of her element in the little palace but that’s a big complaint about alina across the board, that she doesn’t have the most distinct personality, and to see her thinking for herself and especially thinking outside of mal was nice also her getting in the carriage the crows are stealing was the funniest thing  oh but her setting the maps on fire in episode one does not count, because that was completely unnecessary, there was no reason to not just have all the cartographers go in the first place like in the book. 

-i was kind of rooting for arken, because he was just enjoyable with the crows, and because i just completely forgot about kaz seeing him meeting zlatan, but good for kaz for being on top of that, that’s my boy 

-that’s a shame about marie  -but uhhhhhhhhh -“i don’t want to die with the wrong face on” i get what she’s saying but i thought that was. weird 

in the continuing ‘nina and alina have similar things happening and i still don’t know what to make of it????????????’ thoughts, nina and matthias trying to keep warm / alina and mal trying to keep warm, matthias being afraid of nina / mal not being afraid of alina i love nina a lot but i am just not invested in nina here  oh and nina was spying for the darkling??? i don’t have the energy to think about if that tracks for nina’s character  also i never thought about how kind of uncomfortable all her lewd lines are, not because matthias is uncomfortable, but because nina comes off sounding less teasing or flirty and more kind of pushy and creepy  they’ve only known each other for............how long  what is even time here 

-it’s not that baghra isn’t threatening but........no it’s that baghra wasn’t threatening  -her talking to the darkling was like. it was weird? there should be so much weight and power in them talking to each other 

-i did like that she said to alina that the darkling had a lot of practice manipulating naive girls cause, yeah girl that’s what it was -you thought you decided to kiss him yourself???? you think he was really surprised??????? nnnnnnnnnnnnnno  -the thing is i have like very little sympathy for the darkling. very little. i get the allure, everybody who was ever a teenager gets the allure of the dark emo boy wearing all black with the tortured past, i’ve been there!!! i did my time!!!!!!  -i am still doing my time. we’ve all seen kaz.  -and yes i suppose ben barnes is. good-looking. -look it’s the beard. i just hate that beard. -and the darkling and alina are, not an interesting pair, but interesting halves  -two people with completely opposite powers, one who knows how to use them and has for centuries and the other who just discovered them, both the exact match for the other in terms of dark/light and scope of ability and lifespan, who are looking for a place of belonging but also a place of power  -and then he puts a collar on her to use her as his own personal weapon and their possible existence on even playing ground stops, cementing the gap in power dynamics that has been there from the start in their relationship, and always would be, and confirming him as manipulative power-hungry jackass #1 who doesn’t care about grisha or ravka but himself  -and he deserves what he gets in the end. (both times, even!!!!)  -so much so that the demon in the wood is included in the back of ruin and rising and when i got to it i was like ‘okay but the dude’s dead now so i don’t care about this sudden backstory i am being given’ and i did not read it. to this day. i have not. 

-also the darkling kisses alina like he’s physically attacking her and you know what??? that tracks, i guess 

-i love the heartbeat in the scenes with a heartrender!!! i think that was a nice touch.  -i also love all the little hints about jesper being grisha 

-i don’t remember much about zoya in the trilogy since most recently i read rule of wolves but i do not recall zoya sleeping around with everybody and i don’t like it  -zoya’s very proud but??? even there she kind of kept to herself, didn’t she  -she literally has a million better things to be doing than fucking everybody  -and they just fling zoya’s aunt out there???? sure fine whatever  -we get zero good zoya content and then you just give that  -and now she and alina are friends enough for her to say a witty pithy hero statement?????????  -uggggg 

-we saw luda for a hot second so i do not care about her!!!!!  -must it always be For The Death Of A Woman 

-“most grisha aren’t fighters. they fix things, they make things.” wow i love that line a whole lot 

-inej is just gonna sew the wound herself!!!! a legend!!!!!!  -and then inej just STABBING THE DARKLING and kaz BONKING A VOLCRA ON THE HEAD -i love them with my whole stupid heart i love them  -like.......something something the best characters in this bright stunning magic world are the non-magical characters vibing on an entirely different plotline  - ~wring magic out of the ordinary~ 

-it is necessary to have the bones under alina’s skin. no  -noooooooooooooooooooo -noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! 

-mal saying “you’ll wish you killed me here!” oh boy yeah he will!!!!! also, you tell him, mal 

-milo coming in HOT  -goat ex machina 

-“telling you half a story is not the same as lying” what are you, a child???? -man alina fucking slam dunks him in the tent! good for her. 

-i love snarky characters but again. jesper does it ALL THE TIME that his lines start to sound repetitive or he’s just doing snarky plot nutshelling 

-“remember who’s driving” WHAT ARE YOU, A CHILD?????? -in the last two episodes specifically i was like ‘WHAT is with this dialogue???’

-alina: /reaching for mal on the skiff  me: are you gonna. do the hint  me: oh well it’s fine if you don’t, alina deserves that 

-actually, i would kill for The New Crew of kaz, inej, jesper, alina, mal, and zoya -what a team..........what a time......... me: kaz is gonna say the thing he’s gonna say it kaz: the deal is the deal me: /fingerguns at the tv 

-oh re: is kaz too soft here  -................................actually yeah, maybe a little 

-with kaz having the hair pin instead of alina and mal selling the pin(s) for money, how will the darkling find alina? -not necessarily a BAD thing. just a thought 

-overall, did i like it??????? i don’t know!! some things were enjoyable!! sure failed at A WHOLE FUCKING LOT, THOUGH  -i do know i’m gonna reread six of crows, though 

-i just had a terrible thought. if we get a season 2 and they do the sea whip there's gonna be so many dawn treader jokes, aren't there. 

#lulu talks about shadow and bone

[geekywritings]

Rise of a Queen - Nikolai Lantsov x OC PART 10

"What?"

Taya didn't quite know how to process Nikolai's last words. Surely they must mean something else. Silence hung in the air, as the winds around them began to pick up. It just wasn't clear whether they had come naturally or whether Taya had subconsciously used her powers.

"I said, a Queen doesn't bow.", Nikolai repeated, more seriously this time. What they had was fresh and new and he was probably rushing things, but he wasn't one to wait once his mind had latched onto an idea. Besides, Taya was the right one for the crown, he knew. She had shown intelligence and the willingness to give up everything for her country. At the same time, she could be passionate and understanding. And she was the perfect one for him.

"Stop teasing." She still didn't believe a word he said.

So he closed the short distance between them, grasping her hands in his. "I'm serious.", he insisted. "When we get back to Os Alta, marry me."

This should be the most joyous moment in her life. She had read about so many proposals in books and fairytales, but the reality of it was staggering. Taya was happy because this wasn't just a political move on his side now, but at the same time unsure, because it had come so suddenly.

"I love you, Nikolai.", she started.

"Oh Saints, this sounds like the beginning of a rejection...", he breathed out with a nervous chuckle.

"It's not a rejection.", Taya clarified. "It's more of an 'Are you sure? You should take your time to think about it'."

But Nikolai didn't need more time. The more he thought about it, the more certain he became that this was right. "I know what I want. I want you, Taya. As my wife and Queen."

She was far too susceptible to his charm, she realized. The way he looked at her now, so full of love and determination, while his hands held her securely, had her ready to say yes over and over again.

"I want to marry you.", she finally said. "I want to spend my life with you." His arms flew around her, ready to sweep her up, but she paused him for just a moment. "But first, let's solve the problems we have on our hands now. Your coronation and the Darkling."

Now he did lift her up, holding her tightly to himself and laughing happily. "Anything you want, my Queen."

_______________________________

Although Nikolai would have loved nothing more than to shout it out to the world, Taya convinced him to keep their engagement secret for now. Other things took priority and so their lives quickly fell back into a routine. They needed to continue preparations for a possible attack, while Alina practiced the Cut with Baghra.

During the two weeks that followed, Nikolai and Taya often made the journey to Os Alta and back to initiate Nikolai's reign. As she had expected, the shift of power wasn't that unwelcome at first. Nikolai had proven himself during the last months and so the generals and nobles were ready to pledge their allegiance. A proper coronation would have to wait, however, the event being far too open for an attack.

They celebrated in their small circle of friends, however, toasting to a better future for Ravka. If only the laughter and banter of that evening could have lasted forever...

________________________________

The attack came unexpectedly. They had all felt safe at the Spinning Wheel, hidden away in the mountains. But the Darkling had found them regardless and within minutes, they had Nichevo'ya raining down on them, tearing everything and everyone they could grab into pieces. It was a massacre just as bad as the one at the capital weeks ago.

"You need to get them into safety!", Nikolai had shouted for Taya, as children and injured soldiers and Grisha boarded the one aircraft they had managed to get ready. "Take them to the capital!"

She didn't want to. She wanted to stay behind and told him as much. "Do it for me.", he said, before pulling her into a kiss.

"Please be careful.", she whispered.

"I never am. That's what you love about me." Despite the chaos, she smiled.

As she summoned the wind, she felt a horrible knot form in her stomach. It wasn't right to leave. She turned to look back, seeing Gregori and Alexander standing next to Nikolai. The two Squallers had become fiercely loyal to him and were currently on the lookout for possible attackers. Yet although they had kept Nikolai safe before, Taya had a bad feeling this time. Something in her heart screamed that she would not see him again. Then the clouds blocked her vision, as she continued on to the newly fortified Little Palace in Os Alta.

_________________________________

"We saw the Darkling get close to him... And we haven't seen him since."

Taya sank to her knees at those words, the tears spilling out just a moment later. She was in the Grand Palace, in Nikolai's working chamber, where Genya and David were giving her a report. Or rather a retelling of the things they had seen.

Gregori and Alexander were there as well, one of them sporting a broken arm. They had given their own reports already, including the moment where they had been absorbed in a fight with several Nichevo'ya and had lost sight of their new Tsar.

Taya had never felt so empty. She didn't even hear anything else Genya said at this point. Something about Alina, Dva Stolba and a firebird. But what did it matter? The next thing she consciously realized was Genya by her side, trying to help her up, but she would not budge.

"Nikolai...", his name escaped her in a sob and more tears followed. She should have married him the day he had asked. She should have told him ten times a day how much she loved him. She should have... There were too many things she should have said and done. None of which she would get a chance for now.

"The generals are asking for you.", Sonya announced, as she walked into the room, before realizing the scene in front of her. She was being accompanied by Andrej, who was quick to dash forward.

"She is in no state to see them now.", he announced what everyone clearly saw already.

"Then I will go and speak to them." Zoya had kept back all this time, dealing with the situation in her own way.

"And what will you tell them?", Genya asked.

"The truth. That now is a time for mourning and that we will deal with all matters in three days' time." Head raised high, she turned on her heel and walked out, ready to handle the situation at hand.

"Taya, you need to get up.", Genya spoke gently. "Let Andrej bring you to your room."

No answer, just more tears and sobs. But she didn't fight when the Healer picked her up carefully, carrying her through the hallways towards Nikolai's chambers that everyone knew they had shared in recent times.

"Not a good idea.", Sonya pointed out and instead guided the small group back to the Little Palace, where Taya was placed in one of the empty rooms. They all deemed it better if she was not surrounded by his belongings right now.

Alexander and Gregori returned to their respective rooms, while David and Genya went to check on Zoya. Sonya took it upon herself to get some tea and food for Taya, while Andrej did a quick checkup. She was badly shaken and probably in shock, but there was nothing he could do for her. She was mourning and she would just need time.

____________________

Things got even worse when news reached that her family had died during their escape, leaving her orphaned as well. For three days Taya refused to touch food. Most of the time she would sit in bed, cry and keep her thoughts to herself. She would not push people away, but she wouldn't engage with them either. She was like a shell of a person, existing, but not really alive. The people around her tried everything they could to help her, but nothing seemed to work.

Therefore it was a surprise for everyone when, after a week, Taya suddenly appeared in the war room, where Zoya, Genya and David were speaking with the generals gathered there. She walked in quietly, her head raised high and looking royal in her dark blue dress and Squaller Kefta. All present bowed their head, as she announced: "Tell me what we have so far."

She was all business from that moment on. She coordinated war efforts, continued Nikolai's work on weapon production, and continuously evaluated news about the Darkling's and Alina's whereabouts. She took care of Ravka's finances and wrote letters to foreign diplomats and rulers in his name. Nobody questioned her or asked, whether she was entitled to fill that role. Instead, they all treated her like their acting ruler.

At night was the only time when she would show her true feelings. Maids would always find her pillow drowned in tears in the morning despite the sleeping potion she took every night to find peace in the first place. She also continued staying in the Little Palace, still unable to set foot into Nikolai's old chambers.

One night, when she was working late, calculating expenses, she thought she saw something pass in front of the window, but it was so dark, it was probably her mind playing tricks on her. From that moment on, she worked the nights in a windowless corner of the library.

Days passed, then weeks and eventually, the attack on the Spinning wheel happened more than a month ago. For those who had no one to mourn, life had become normal again in the capital and it showed when nobles suggested social events to pick up again. Taya allowed it, but never attended for more than five minutes to greet everyone. She was still all work and while the weapon production had accelerated formidably, her friends worried about her. Even Zoya, who had come to respect Taya's work ethic and dedication, knew that she was far from alright.

"We have news from Alina.", she announced one day, coming to the desk at the library that Taya had turned into her working corner.

"Good ones, I hope.", Taya said, as she continued to write a letter to a Kerch trader, they owed money to.

"Yes, they found the third amplifier and know where to attack the Darkling."

Those weren't the first good news, but certainly, the best in a while, and Taya even dropped her work and turned around to face the messenger.

"Very good. Make sure everything is prepared for their arrival and the attack. I will go myself as well."

"No." Zoya had never disagreed with her before and it startled Taya. "You cannot go. You are needed here.", the other Squaller continued. "We have lost one good ruler already. Ravka cannot lose another."

Taya should have been touched by such a clear compliment from none other than Zoya Nazyalensky, but it was not her forefront emotion.

"I want my revenge, Zoya."

"And you will get it. Through Alina.", the other said. "Take your revenge in a different way. Create a Ravka that the Darkling would have loved to build on fear and merzost and show him that he isn't needed."

She was right of course, but Taya hesitated. She would love nothing more than to take the dark one out with her bare hands, but that was impossible. Not even improbable, but truly unfeasible. This power belonged to Alina alone.

So eventually she nodded. "But please give the sun summoner any and all resources she may need. Provisions, weapons, men, or otherwise. She has my full support."

Zoya bowed and left.

__________

Don’t forget, you can also read the chapters on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/story/275585861-rise-of-a-queen

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x oc #nikolailantsovxoc #grisha #grishaverse #shadowandbone

[stromuprisahat]

Alina being shitty friend to Genya aka The tent scene: Book edition

Chapter 20- The end is bringing us book!version of Alina’s confrontation with Genya. A scene that leaves me baffled at why would Genya ever believe they were friends or why would she possibly betray her leader and goals for Alina. But hey- we’ll get to that in next book, so perhaps I’ll figure it out later.

👌  🤘

You know what he did and kept doing to Genya, and you want HER to WARN HIM?!

Yeah, Alina doesn’t question abusive old hags, why start with creepy stalkers, who claim Grisha- her people- don’t suffer enough?

Since Genya was still allowed to have her wits undamaged, she should have slapped Alina in this scene.

“Hey, Genya, remember how you told me about the guy, who’s been abusing you for years? Could you go to him and snitch on your boss? I’m sure the King won’t ask for anything in return for “helping us”. He’s the King after all. Besties?”

“What about the lovely lady that kept using and insulting you, well aware of your suffering?”

I love how much attention Alina pays to what her “friends” look like...

Red is such an unassuming colour after all...

Now, we’re probably expected to translate her “Be careful of powerful men.” as “The Darkling evil. *wink wink*”, but what if it was meant as 

“Powerful men might not have as much power as it seems.

They have more to loose.

They won’t put your fragile feelings first.

Don’t get in their way unnecessarily.

Don’t play games you don’t understand.

You might need to broaden your horizons if you want to keep up with him...”?

What about letting her finish, instead of assUming you’re thinking the same thing?

For all we know “There are rumors.” could mean “Oh! So it’s true? I knew you were fucking, but isn’t it too soon to promise your firstborn to Fjerdan heir and Shu empress at the same time? Think of the AGE GAP!”

Sometimes Alina talks like my grandma, except she’s not nearly old enough to be getting senile. She obviously has something on mind, and just expects everyone knows what she’s talking about.

Poor kid. Socially awkward, Saints-know how many disorders, and one hysterical ninny traumatizes him enough to “Think he’s destroyed all of Ravka.”.

Genya, mentally: “Our hope personified can’t be this stupid!”

Repeat after me:

“Wanting to belong” isn’t the same as being hunted, exploited and slaughtered for mere existence.

Neither is your place to “forgive” rape victim for seeking revenge on her rapist.

Congratulations, Alina! You’ve made severly abused girl cry, because she’s getting revenge on her abusers!

#Genya Safin #deserved SO MUCH better! #Grishaverse #Grisha trilogy #Shadow and Bone (book) #S&B Chapter 20 #books #quotes #Leigh Bardugo #grishanalyticritical #Alina Starkov #self centred and paranoid #and rather horrible person altogether #Grisha loyalists #King Alexander III Lantsov #The Darkling #The Apparat #Queen Tatiana Lantsov #David Kostyk #V #anti Leigh Bardugo #because I have no fucking clue #how am I supposed to read this #and not to hate 'our brave heroine'. #She acts like some self righteous bitch and hurts others #who dare to be less self involved.

[secret-kkh-fics]

Light Casts a Shadow - Chapter 1

This chapter is now avaliable on AO3!!!

Chapter Summary:

Bagra whisks Alina away into the bows of the castle, telling her the ‘truth’ and insisting she flee, Alina is put in a spin. She wonders if Bagra was telling the truth and if Aleksander was lying to her. Or if it might be the other way around. She wonders about her new friends, and her old one, and what her place in all of this is.

Author Note:

I know there’s a thousand and one plots out here like this, but damn it, it’s a good one, so who cares. This is my take on it. I kinda binged the show and the books in a week, so there will be a mix of both in here, but mostly based off the show.

One thing I find super interesting about reworking this scene is that they made Bagra way more manipulative and Aleksander much more… emotional and human. Show!Aleks seemed like he legitimately fell in love with Alina, as opposed to Book!Aleks whose manipulations were so cold and obvious that of course Alina got the fuck out of there. In the show, there’s more room for her to doubt and think that she could maybe draw him back. So, I’m going to have fun playing around with that dynamic.

A Stupid Decision

Alina watched as Aleksander left, her heart still racing, a coy smile still pulling at her lips where she could still feel the kiss he'd rushed back to give her. She let out a slow breath to try and still her racing heart but was unable to wipe the smile from her face. She could barely believe that had just happened!

She'd barely been able to believe it since she'd surprised the both of them by kissing him that morning. It was an impulse, and when he'd drawn up to his full height, she remembered how dread had filled her that she'd overstepped the line. But then the start of that smile that set butterflies free in her stomach began to tug at his lips, and before she knew it, she was kissing him again. It had been interesting and thrilling throughout the day to see the small gestures of affection he showed her amongst his usual stoicism.

Telling her how lovely she looked, giving her flowers. She was certain that there would be a lot of gossip in the morning. She may be new at this, but she was sure that they were not being very subtle. The thought made her giggle. She could only imagine Nadia and Marie insisting on her telling them the real story and pestering her for every detail. She wondered how they'd react to know that they'd kissed… and that he had practically thrown her up on top of his war table and…

 A sudden creaking sound filled the air, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw a door swing open where there hadn't been one before. Quickly, she created a large ball of sunlight to defend herself but paused when she saw the familiar figure holding the door open, lantern in hand.

"Come with me," the old woman ordered.

"Baghra?! What are you…?" She let the sunlight go out.

"Stupid girl!" she hissed, striding over and grabbing her by the wrist, dragging her back towards the secret door. "No time to dawdle."

"N-no!"

"You need to leave this place," she insisted. She placed a hand on her back and forcefully guided her through the door.

"What? Why?" she demanded.

What had happened? Was there an attack? Was she being hunted? She hadn't heard a ruckus outside the door, but Aleksander had been urgently called away. It was something important enough he'd felt the need to keep his guards outside the door to make sure she was safe.

"Now, before it's too late."

"Baghra, why?"

Baghra reached up to the wall beside her and pulled a lever that closed the door before she finally answered. "I'm trying to save you living the rest of your life as a slave." And with that, she walked on ahead, down the narrow passage and the stairs before them. And this time, Alina followed. If not, just because she wanted answers.

"A Slave? But… Baghra!" Ugh, the old woman was always so frustrating. She kept moving and wasn't giving her a straight answer. Instead, she had to chase after her. "Whatever’s wrong, I should go back and find Aleks- General Kirigan,” she corrected herself. “I’m sure he can help.”

Baghra paused. “I’m trying to save you from Aleksander.” Then she carried on, leaving Alina stunned on the step.

Her head spun. What on earth was Baghra talking about?! Aleksander wouldn’t enslave her. He wouldn’t hurt her. He… he cared about her. They had been kissing only moments ago, and she was sure that she would have been in the cells from the get-go if he wanted her as a slave.

Looking back down the hall, where Aleksander was, where she wanted to go, she had to turn back and follow the old woman who just kept moving along.

“He intends to expand the Fold and use it as a weapon,” she went on. “That’s what he created it for in the first place.”

Hold on, what? Okay, Baghra had to be going insane. “The Black Heretic created the Fold,” she said. Everyone knew that. “Hundreds of years ago, and it was a mistake! Maybe you’re dehydrated from all the heat in your hut. He wanted me to train so I could get stronger!”

She finally managed to cut in front of her and force her to a stop. “Did he?” she replied patronisingly. “Or did he want you distracted by dreams of your future with him?” Anger bubbled up in her. How dare she? And how did she even know…? “Did he want you dependant on him, on his Fabrikator’s tricky little gloves?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. He wouldn’t. These were all words from a bitter old woman. He wouldn’t do that to her. “No!”

“Child,” her tone, for once, was almost sympathetic. “Aleksander is the Black Heretic. He chose a nobleman’s name to hide after he made the Fold.”

It all sounded so absurd.

“You’re lying.”

“Look at me, girl!” she demanded. Then, with a twist of her hand, the room around them fell into darkness as shadows surrounded them, making Alina look about in shock. Her heart froze in her chest.

She was a Shadow Summoner.

“You can… But only Kirigan’s bloodline…” His bloodline. Oh, that’s when it hit her. She was his bloodline. “You’re his mother.”

“My son tried creating his own army with merzost,” she answered, letting the shadows seep away and the light return. “He didn’t think about the people who lived there, what such power would do to them. Turned them into the twisted, evil things that attacked you.”

Baghra’s words sunk in, and she felt her heart sinking with them. “Volcra were men?”

“And women. Children.” She had tears in her eyes as she spoke now, and her words became a whisper. “I warned him there’d be a price.” And again, she abruptly walked on, sweeping past and leaving Alina behind to process what she’d just been told.

Part of her still refused to believe it. It just… it didn’t sound like Aleksander. And he’d said it was his ancestor, not him. He was nowhere near that old. She’d heard a rumour he was over a hundred, but no one could live for that long. No one could be as old as the Fold.

“That was hundreds of years ago!” she cried, rushing after Baghra.

“He’s had many names, served many kings, faked countless deaths… waiting for you.”

She’d led them to some kind of storage room, and as she looked around, she led them to a large, old picture frame and pulled the cloth off it to reveal a familiar figure.

Aleksander.

The details weren’t perfect, the artist’s style making it seem a little off, but it was recognisably him.

“With you at his command,” she went on, “he’ll be able to enter the Fold and weaponise it as he always planned. He’ll be unstoppable.”

“He told me he wanted to make the country whole again,” she said, unable to take her eyes off the portrait.

Maybe he was older than he’d said he was… but that didn’t mean his intentions were different. It was all he talked about. Bringing down the Fold…

“He’s had centuries to master lying to naïve girls.” This finally drew Alina’s eyes to her, and her voice suddenly grew mocking. “Did he tell you how lonely he was? Give you a glimpse of the wounded boy? He isn’t a boy at all. He is eternal. And you never stood a chance.” Alina wanted to scream at her that it wasn’t true. That she was lying. But she couldn’t help her mind running over every moment the two of them had spent together. Everything he’d ever said to her through the filter of deception… “Did you think this was just about you? He’s been obsessed with power, with hunting all of Morozova’s creatures. You nearly gave him the stag.” She looked up at her, confused about how she’d done such a thing, but the woman continued on. “And I’m telling you, you must hide.”

Again, Baghra was off, walking away and leaving her behind to stare at the imperfect but recognisable portrait of Aleksander… Her mind was reeling still. She didn’t know what to think or how she felt. She was just overwhelmed and lost. She didn’t know if she should trust Aleksander or his mother… Or either of them.

It wasn’t true… it couldn’t be true, could it? It just didn’t make sense. Yet there were small bits of proof before her already. She knew Aleksander, or at least she thought she had. Her heart ached as she thought of his every word being a lie to manipulate her. But the bigger part of her couldn’t bring herself to believe it. It just wasn’t true! But even if it was…

She strode determinedly over to Baghra. “I won’t help him! I’ll fight back!” she declared.

She just needed to figure out the truth. She couldn’t let Baghra drag her away until she knew that much.

“You’re far from strong enough to face him,” she scoffed. “I thought I had more time to prepare you, but it’ll have to wait.”

She opened another door and held it open for her. She was holding out the lantern for her, and it was clear enough that she was supposed to go alone from here. As she handed over the lantern and made to close the door behind her, she gave her some final instructions.

“Stay on the main path until the fork. Take the path to the right. You’ll find food storage. Wait there. There are some Grisha who are loyal to me. They will help keep you safe until I find a plan.

“The right?” she reiterated, and Baghra nodded.

“Now go, girl!”

The door swung closed, and she was alone.

Alone in the dark.

Alone with her racing thoughts.

Numbly, she continued down the dark, narrow passageway for some time, her racing thoughts a torrent threatening to drag her under.

A huge part of her struggled to believe what Baghra had told her. But what if she was right? If Aleksander really was hundreds of years old, it only made sense he’d have had years of manipulating people. He could have been telling her only what she wanted to hear all this time. Playing along with the whims of a foolish girl who thought herself beginning to fall in love. And how better to manipulate…

But… No. No, not all of that could have been a lie. It can’t have. She had seen the look in his eyes. She’d watched that beautiful, genuine smile bloom across his features, lighting him up like she’d never seen before. She’d seen the unshed tears in his eyes. And the pure awe and wonder on his face. She’d seen the look of hope in his eyes whenever they landed on her. That couldn’t all have been a lie, could it?

Or was she looking for things that weren’t there? Trying to deny it all, so it hurt less.

Did she trust Baghra more than Aleksander? Did she really trust anyone here? Maybe it was a good thing that she was getting out. She’d never have to come back here. She’d never have to deal with all this insane nonsense again. She wouldn’t have to be their Sun Summoner. She wouldn’t have to deal with the political bullshit. Or with bloody Grisha like Ivan and Zoya… and Genya, and Nadia and Marie, and Fedyor… Not… not any of them.

Her friends.

Once upon a time, if she’d been asked about friends, she’d say she only had one. Mal. But then, things changed. Then they were separated, and she joined the mapmaker's guild. And she supposed she could call some of them her friends. Alexei had at least been kind to her… Now he was likely dead - lost in the Fold, a place she was supposed to destroy.

And Genya and been a genuine friend to her, as had Nadia and Marie. Marie had even volunteered to pretend to be her for the night to help keep her safe. Could she really just abandon them with no warning?

Could she abandon any of them without warning?

What about Aleksander? What would he think? Would he think she’d run away from him right after they’d almost become intimate? Would he think she was kidnapped? Whether he was the Black Heretic or not, manipulator or just her Aleks, she knew that he would be driven to fury. She could already imagine the impassive mask he tried to wear to hide how upset or angry he was and how the shadows would flock around him, darkening the room as they darkened his mind. She could imagine the quiet rage he would command everyone at his service to search for her. He would leave no stone unturned…

He would never let her go…

She came to a standstill, realising that her arm was aching from holding the heavy lantern in her grasp. Why was she even bothering with it? She had the power of the sun at her fingertips! And with the smallest twist of her hand, an orb now floated there, lighter and brighter than the lantern, allowing her to put it down. She continued down the path only a few more steps before she came to the fork that Baghra had spoken of. She stared at the sharp point of the wall a moment before looking towards the right, where she’d been told to go.

Down there, Grisha loyal to Baghra would meet her to keep her safe… from Aleksander. Down there led to a path of being hunted, trained viciously and a life under the thumb of a woman she didn’t fully trust.

She turned and looked to the left path. She didn’t know what was down there or where it would lead out… but it was an escape. It was a path away from Baghra and away from Aleksander and the Little Place. She would still be hunted, but it was also freedom and a return to Mal.

Mal… her oldest friend, and the boy she’d loved for just as long… The boy who had left for the war when she’d done all she could for them to not be separated. The boy who had never noticed her feelings no matter how much she told him, dismissing it as the words of a best friend, and went out and flirted and fucked any pretty face he saw. The boy who had felt so betrayed by her being Grisha he hadn’t even written to her in all this time…

And still, he was her friend. And a part of her ached to see him.

But then, behind her… she looked back at the path from which she came. Behind her was her duty. She remembered in vivid clarity how not an hour ago, an entire hall of people, servants, Grisha and nobility alike had bowed before her and praised her a saint. They believed in her and trusted in – no, needed her to bring down the Fold tearing their country apart. Behind her lay her new friends. Genya, so strict and proper, yet sweet and utterly smitten with her Fabrikator. Marie and Nadia, who would worry about her and miss her so. She’d never had any friends that were girls before them, and it had been nice to gossip with them and feel… normal. For once in her life, she’d felt normal. Like this was how it was supposed to be.

Kissing Aleks had felt normal. It had felt right.

And yet, now she didn’t know what to think of him. The one thing she knew for sure was that he would never let her go. Not without a fight.

And she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to fight. Oh, she would fight tooth and nail if Baghra’s words were true, and he somehow tried to enslave her. But she couldn’t let the words of one person ruin how she saw him and what they’d had. She’d seen the proof that he was much older than he let on and that Baghra was his mother… But she needed to know more. She needed to know the truth.

And maybe it was a stupid decision to walk right back into the lion’s den, but maybe she had to take that risk. Part of her was desperate to know and wouldn’t let her go until she did. She felt something pulling her back the way she had come: an impulse, a gut feeling, an instinct. Like something was tethering her to something or someone back there, slowly luring her back in. She was drawn that way…

And so, she turned and took a step.

She sighed heavily, not even sure what she was doing.

And another step.

No path before her was perfect. But her heart yearned for answers.

And another.

She was going to have to find a way to survive this situation either way. And strangely… the best way to survive might be with maybe the deadliest of the lot. If Baghra was right, he needed her. Perhaps not in the way she’d started hoping he did. But he wouldn’t hurt her if he thought she was on his side. Maybe he’d see through her, but maybe he’d let her play along. Some kind of unspoken truce where they both had the advantage over the other.

But she was getting ahead of herself. She didn’t even know if any of this was true. And even if he was the Heretic, no one’s stories matched up.

She just… she wanted to know the truth.

It took a while for her to weave her way back through the narrow halls, and she had trouble remembering the way once she came to the door where Baghra had left her. It was all empty now, and she took a moment longer to stare at that ancient painting once more, taking in every detail, reaching out to touch the familiar features. When she finally began moving again, she turned herself around a few times, ending up in unfamiliar passages a few times until she finally found herself at the stairwell she remembered. She climbed all the way to the top and along to where she saw that lever. It didn’t take much to reach up and pull it. The metallic sound of creaking of gears filled the space, and the door swung open.

Cautiously, she stepped through the door and back into Aleksander’s outer chamber. All was quiet and still inside, the lights now dimmed. But chatter could still be heard beyond the door, the party still going on, oblivious to the fact that their Sun Summoner had been gone so long. Marie must have been handling the dinner very well.

But the lights were out… which means that Aleksander must have come back at some point and found her missing. He was likely out searching for her at the banquet, trying to see where she was. With the light out, she kept her own bright, looking out over the room. Her eyes fell on the irises left on the table.

The beautiful flowers he’d presented her with, out of nowhere before sweeping her off to his suit mere hours ago now. Her favourite flowers, no less. She wondered how he’d known or if he’d even known at all. Despite the turbulent feelings raging within her, she still remembered her elation when he’d handed them to her, and she found herself picking them up and pressing them to her nose once more. They still smelled just as sweet.

…This was a stupid idea.

Looking back to the secret door, she thought for a moment that she could still go. But she’d come back for a reason, and now that she was here, she wanted to see it through.

She also noticed, though, that the door wasn’t closing. The lever in the passageway was obvious, the one inside was not. And after a while of searching, she still couldn’t see anything. She supposed that Aleksander was just going to have to close it once he arrived. She didn’t plan on keeping her knowledge secret. She wanted answers, and that required the truth.

She wandered around the room for a while, looking at everything around her, including his papers and books, as if that would give her some kind of hint as to the truth. But everything out here gave nothing away. Of course, he probably wouldn’t hide important secrets on something so easy to access as a private bookshelf.

After what seemed like hours, she was more than bored. She was exhausted, having kept the orb of light going for so long. A record for her, most certainly. She was starving since she’d skipped the dinner. And she was honestly getting sleepy, almost nodding off while reading through his books. She had no idea what time of the night it was.

But falling asleep on the floor of his outer chamber was probably not the smartest idea. Slowly, she moved into the bedroom. The doors were wide open, and she could see his grand bed at the end, much like hers, only with dark sheets. But what did she expect? Black was his colour.

What she didn’t expect was the mass of papers that littered one side of his bed, though. As if he’d chosen to sit there and sort through them instead of at the large desk she knew sat just out in the other room. Curiously, she sat down and began picking up papers and reading them. Most of them seemed to be plans and details about the Fete. Others about the general activity of the Grisha both out in the Second Army and here at the Little Place. There were a few letters and reports from and about a Heartrender called Nina who had gone missing. And most interestingly, there were a few pages of maps and sightings of Morozova’s Stag.

…Baghra had said something about her leading him right to the stag. She wasn’t sure what it had to do with her, though. But it was clear that he was at least looking for it. It made her wonder why he would need an amplifier. He was already so powerful… And if he really was the Black Heretic, even more so than anyone could possibly imagine.

She wasn’t sure how long she’d been in his rooms now, but it had been hours, and he was still not back. And soon, she found that the monotonous reading, the exhaustion of the day, and his very comfortable bed were the perfect recipe for her to slip off into the darkness.

Author Note:

Hope you enjoyed the start of this one! Things are going to split from the actual plot radically from here on in!

Chapter Index  |  Next Chapter >>

#light casts a shadow

[amiramorozova]

Dual Summoner x The darkling pt. 51

Pairing: Dual Summoner Amira Silina x Darkling General Kirigan/Aleksander Morozova

Wordcount: 2100

I tried to process what Nico said, it was true that ever since we left Ravka I'd been sick. I'd summed it up to the foods just making me sick but maybe it wasn't that at all. Shadow was always by my side so when I walked up I went to where Aleksander was. As I walked in I saw he was looking out at the water when he looked back. "Are you ok? You've been sick a lot while we've been out here." Aleksander asked

I walked over to look out at the water with him, Nico had a good point as I recalled Aleksander and Genya both mentioned I was glowing. "Is this vessel heading to find the sea whip?" I asked as I felt him looking at me "yes, that is where we're headed." Aleksander said, "You avoided my question." I hesitated but I looked at him, meeting his gaze "You said I was glowing two weeks ago when I was with you on the skiff. I've been sick here, there for the last two weeks." I said as I sighed and had my hands together behind my back looking out at the water again. "Nico thinks I might be...pregnant." I said

Aleksander made me look at him and he kept his eyes locked with mine "Are you for certain?" Aleksander asked as I nodded. "I thought at first it was just the smell but it's more than that." I said as he started to think. I thought he might consider turning around going back to Ravka as he nodded but I knew him well enough to know we probably were too far right now. "We'll have the two trackers try to find the sea whip and then go from there. If we can't find it now, then we can try to find it another time." Aleksander said

There was a knock as I looked back seeing Genya, she was back in her red kefta as she smiled seeing me. "Hello Amira, I heard you're not feeling well." Genya said as Aleksander didn't even look at her. "Genya, she might be pregnant. Please try to help her and tend to her pet if she needs help with her." Aleksander said

Genya nodded as she motioned for me to come as I looked down beside me. "Come Shadow." I said as I went over to Genya and I heard shadow stay close by. "How did you convince General Kirigan to let you have a dog?" Genya asked, "Well, I kinda saved this pup from her previous owner and Nico paid for her. She's only five months old." I said as Genya was surprised.

I noticed people were looking and a man who I didn't know approached as he showed me some respect. I had my hands behind my back still to keep my wedding ring concealed. "Amira, this is sturmhond. He's the captain of the ship." Genya said as I nodded. "Nice to meet you, apologies for the trouble. It's been a rough past few days." I admitted. "Your not used to sailing the seas, it's common for those not used to it." Sturmhond said as he walked away and I had this feeling he was familiar somehow.

"Where is Alina and Mal?" I asked Genya as we walked, "Mal is locked up and Alina has been put under an induced sleep by a heartrender." Genya said as I sighed. I was the one who had Morozova's first amplifier so why was Alina even involved? I shrugged it off as we kept walking. "Corporaleki red with blue cuffs, how unique." I said pointing out her Kefta as she smiled. "I never liked this color red." Genya said as she kept walking with me. "Maybe I should go blonde?" I laughed a bit knowing Genya never seemed to not amaze me. "I think you look good no matter what you wear or how you look." I assured her

We walked down as I wanted to see Alina when the two Grisha guards were there. "I'm here to see Alina, move aside." I said as they didn't budge at first. "You both know who I am, right?" I asked in a more commanding tone. Genya came down and stood beside me "Make way for the Darkling's wife." Genya said as the two looked surprised before letting me in and when I walked in that's when I saw her laying there unconscious.

"This is ridiculous. She can't be kept under for long, it could kill her." I said as I had no place to do anything. Genya led me away as we went back up, it was close to the week in a half mark as I sat there by the wall with shadow laying by me as Aleksander looked out at the sea. I heard the sound of shackles as I saw Alina. "Where is Mal?" Alina asked, Aleksander sighed as he looked down at me and Shadow before he looked back out at the sea. "You're predictable, you could at least be a little unpredictable like Amira." Aleksander said as he soon turned around. "He's behind you, just look."

Alina looked back as it was obvious she saw Mal, I didn't get why Aleksander was doing this but I didn't want to risk it either. He still wasn't the same since the fold and what had happened. "Had I killed him, would you have pushed yourself out to the sea?" Aleksander asked her as Alina glared at him. "Not unless I took you with me, had that been your answer." Alina said as Aleksander just shook his head. "You're not suicidal Alina, and you don't have the stomach to make a child fatherless." Aleksander said as she seemed to be processing those words before looking at me. I knew not many on this ship knew who I was to him, but I hadn't spoken much to Alina in the time since the fold.

"Do you really even care about her safety?" Alina asked as Aleksander looked at Alina when she asked that question. "I paid a lot to get this whaller out here, but if Amira gets weak or worse I have to think about what is best for her." Aleksander said, "My dream is to free Grisha from being executed, Amira wants the more simple life she hasn't had. While I have tried to keep her wants in mind, this is about the next amplifier that we are going after." Alina didn't seem convinced as she tried to stand up but looked at him. "I don't believe you." Alina said as Aleksander looked at her "If her safety wasn't important, she wouldn't have a tracker and two Grisha as her guards." Then he motioned for them to take her away.

Another week passed, it seemed boring as can be to the point, shadow would lay with me and I would fall asleep sitting against that wall near Aleksander. I probably got the worst sleep being away from him but this wasn't easy as he must have noticed. I felt someone pull me up to my feet as we walked away from there. He always concealed my wedding ring on the whaler but still, he seemed to be thinking as we walked. Shadow kept up with me as I looked over where Mal was seeing even Nico was looking out for this Sea Whip.

"What is the plan if the Sea whip is found?" I asked as we kept walking, he seemed to snap out of his thoughts as he looked at me before he sighed. "Well, I want to give it to you since you have Morozovas stag necklace. They're supposed to be together." Aleksander explained as we kept walking "But, I can't take any risks with you carrying our future Heir." As we walked I kept thinking "What about giving the bracelet to him or her?" I asked knowing that was an option since I didn't feel it was right for me to have another amplifier. "they're supposed to be together Amira, as in same person." Aleksander said. We walked in silence for a little bit of time "But I don't want the sea whip's power, the stag truly belonged with me." I said

Aleksander didn't seem to want to listen to me as we kept walking but I knew he would if I kept insisting. I had to put what Baghra gave me to influence him just as he was trying to influence me. We stopped when people said they spotted something as I got free and went to look standing over by Nico as he pointed that's when I saw it. It was there but as quickly as it appeared it escaped.

I felt lightheaded suddenly and Nico caught me as he put a hand over my head. "Hey Dark General, she's burning up." Nico said. The feeling of being lifted was easy to tell as I tried to stay conscious and felt someone lay me down as I heard Aleksander's voice. "Genya come in here." Aleksander said as she walked in. "Tend to Amira, we might need to head back." Aleksander told her as Genya came in and she wasn't a nursemaid but she was a good friend.

At one point I must have fallen asleep, when I woke up it was sometime later I realized I was still in bed as I looked around to see Genya. "Gen..ya." I said as she came over and gave me some water and I drank it. She checked my head as I still must have been warm but I forced myself to sit up and tried to stand but fell back on the bed. "I don't feel so good." I said as Genya sighed, "If you were catching a cold in Novi zem then it's caught up with you and now we have to make sure you are ok." Genya said

I ended up going back to sleep but occasionally drinking liquids and whatever I could keep down while Genya tended to me. I ended up in a deep sleep before I felt someone pick me up and heard Aleksander's voice. "Bring those two, they'll have to stay with us since Amira has become ill. Her health isn't worth getting the sea whip yet." Aleksander said as I opened my eyes, seeing he was getting in the carriage and laid me down with my head on his lap as I looked up.

"Alek..sander." I said as I was still a bit weak as he looked at me, I saw the man who was behind the monster Alina saw. His look of concern over me and the child so I was going to keep fighting. I closed my eyes on the way as I wasn't asleep but I listened to those within the carriage. "Will she be ok General? It seems that she got sick when we were close to finding the sea whip." Feydor asked as Aleksander ran his fingers through my hair which felt good and comforting knowing it was him. "She's pregnant, Feydor." Aleksander said but the carriage started to move but he hit the top and opened the door "Shadow." Aleksander said as I heard my puppy run in and I opened my eyes as I saw Shadow laying down as he closed the door and knocked for the carriage to move.

"Why are you allowing this dog in the carriage?" Ivan asked, "Shadow is Amira's dog. She wanted her so the dog rides in the carriage." Aleksander said as I looked, seeing Ivan's expression of surprise. I wanted to enjoy it but I fell asleep on the way back to the little palace. When we arrived, I figured many people probably were against him till the heartrenders got involved but I felt the familiar silk sheets as I was laid down, and then he had one of the people come in and tend to me.

A few days passed and I felt better but as I woke up I saw Baghra sitting by me still unharmed and when I went to move my feet I heard a whine as I saw shadow on my feet. "Shadow is..on the bed." I said as I looked over at Baghra who noticed shadow. "is that her name? Other than when Aleksander takes her out to use the bathroom and he feeds her that is where she's laid." Baghra said, "Welcome back to the little palace Amira, now we must take care of you for the rest of year and my grandchild."

It's still a little hard to believe. I thought

TagList: @lifeisingrey,  @houseoftoomanyfandoms

#general kirigan #aleksander morovoza #alina starvok #dual summoner #Amira Silina #sunsummoner #tidemaker #darkling #Team Darkling #darkling x reader #the darkling #ben barnes #shadow and bone #shadow summoner #shadow and bone fanfiction #Grishaverse #fanfic

[cheekygreenty]

Little Witch - Part 14

The Darkling x Reader

You felt fine after dinner, the food quickly replenishing your dwindled physique, but you didn't go back to work. You took Aleksander's advice and took the rest of the day to rest and take your mind off the countless tasks you had. There was one thing you needed to do though and that was thank Zoya for today.

She didn't have to do any of it, in fact, you believed she hated you from the minute you interrupted Aleksander's meeting. You were told by a servant she was out training Inferni's and so you made your way down to the Etherialki training grounds. She stood there, the image of a goddess. Her dark hair fell down her blue kefta in defined curls, collecting small snowflakes.

There was no indication she'd been involved in a deadly attack a mere 4 hours ago. Saints, I think I have a crush on Zoya. Nevertheless, you walked over to her, calling out her name to grab her attention.

'Deputy, how are you feeling?' She looked worried yet relieved to see you standing in front of her on both of your legs.

'Y/N will do Zoya.'

'Alright then'

'Thank you for today. I don't know what came over me.'

'We all have our moments. Some of us just hide them better' You couldn't tell whether that was a dig at you or not.

'You're an amazing soldier Zoya. I'm very impressed'

'Well I didn't just sleep my way to the top if that's what you're implying.' She turned her addicting gaze away from you, studying the young Infernis.

'I beg your pardon?' You were taken aback.

'How's your leg?' She tried to change the topic but you weren't ready to.

'What do you mean Zoya, spit it out.'

'You know what I mean Y/N.' Why was she avoiding the conversation if she brought it up in the first place?

'Are you and Gener-' Is this another thing he had lied to me about? You vaguely remember thinking the two had been involved when you seen them in the same room but it passed quickly, surely he would have told you, especially if it was with one of his most trusted Grisha? The thought was another painful blow to your gut. They just kept on coming. You couldn't finish your sentence for she already answered it.

'No.'

'Zoya'

'Not anymore... Alina is here now' The strong feisty woman was gone now, in her place was a hurt and rejected woman. You were old enough to see it, you had been her before, hell you were her now. You looked at her striking beauty, thought about her incredible skills, and then stupidly compared yourself to her. If he rejected her, you're next. Your silence must have comforted her more than words could, for she shrugged her shoulders and said

'He keeps saying she's his equal, the day to his night' His equal. That's what Alina said.

'You don't need anyone Zoya. I can promise you you'll amount to great things on your own.' Despite the hurt you felt, you focused on her.

'Well as of right now I'm stuck to skiff trips and when you request me' You eyed her inquisitively 'Our dear General's doings.' she admitted.

'What gave you such an honor' you teased.

'I got into a riff with the precious Sun-Summoner after she vexed me.' She shut her eyes tightly as if trying to forget the memory.

'She doesn't strike me as the vexing type-' Your conversation was quickly interrupted when an Inferni accidentally set alight more than just the mannequin and Zoya scrambled to put it out, scolding the boy in the process.

'I'll leave you to it then'

You walked away, hurt and on the verge of tears. You needed to speak to Aleksander, you were sick of him lying to you but you were even more tired of feeling that severe urge to cry every time you thought about him. You came here to do your job and to show everyone you had your powers under control, yet all you've done so far is the opposite. Saints be damned you would walk away from your position because of a complicated relationship, you were better than that. But you also recognized that if you confronted Aleksander about all of this, he would either have to tell you about his plans for Alina or lie again, and you knew he would lie. It was a vicious cycle, one that wouldn't end. It was heartbreaking knowing that the man who claimed to never stop loving you could lie to you so easily.

You were right to question your trust in him, he never gave you a reason not to.

***

He was sitting at his desk, back turned towards you. You hesitated, the thought of running out the door and locking yourself in your room sounding pretty attractive. Maybe a good cry will fix this.

'Y/N I thought I told you to rest' He spoke calmly, his hand never dropping the pen. You shut the doors, not wanting the guards outside to hear what you were about to say. This made him turn around.

'We need to talk'

He dropped the pen and paper and stood up, indicating he was all ears. You glued your eyes to his knowing your vulnerability peeked through but you didn't care to hide it.

'What are your plans for me, Aleksander?'

He cocked his head to the side, confused. 'What?'

'Why keep me around when Alina is here?'

You were never the jealous kind, but you came to realize this wasn't jealousy. It was disappointment and aching after being away from him for almost a century. You had built up this life in your head, one where everything was perfect and Aleksander hadn't changed but you raised the bar too high. The bad parts of Aleksander faded away with each year and the best parts of him enhanced in your mind. You had forgotten what he was truly like, plus coming to terms with the fact that he lived a seemingly happy life while you were gone stung a bit too. With each day, the disappointment turned into hurt and anger.

'Y/N I already told you, I have a plan.'

'So you expect me to watch you and Alina fawn over each other while I stay in the shadows being a dutiful Second in Command? I may be loyal but I'm not going to blindly follow along Aleksander, not anymore.' It's making me miserable.

His hands reached out for you but you moved away. 'You know I love you Y/N' He said as if the foolish statement would make your worries and anger melt away.

'Then act like it'

'It's not that simple.'

'It never is, is it?' You bitterly laughed. What's the point of loving somebody if you're not willing to do everything to make them stop hurting?

'Why won't you tell me?' Your voice was a whisper he barely registered. 'Do you not trust me? Cause I'll admit it right now, I may love you, but I don't trust you Aleksander.'

Your admission hit him like a pile of bricks. He was brought back to when you first met, your shaking body radiating hostility as you rode in the carriage with him. He tried to assure you you were safe, you were one of his Grisha now, but you were having none of it. You didn't trust anybody for months after you arrived in the Little Palace, especially him and right now, it was all back to square one.

'Have I really given you that many reasons to not trust me?' It had been so long since he had somebody to care for and love that he forgot how to act around you. Perhaps he was back to square one too.

'Yes. Your sly comments about killing the King and finding the stag, your relationship with Alina, even with Zoya- Aleksander you're lying to me every day and you think I'll still be compliant. I'm not the same Y/N you remember.'

'You know what I want Y/N. You've always known'

'I do, but I need to know how you're going to do it all. How can I be supportive when I don't know what the hell is going on around me. A goodnight kiss every now and then won't fix this if you're doing the same to somebody else'

'Is this what this is? Your way of saying I'm fucking my Sun-Summoner on the side?'

'I never said that. All I wanted to know was why I'm not in on the plan that's supposed to give us more power. Is it because I'm a loose cannon, are you scared of what I'll do if I won't agree with you?'

You were sure of one thing; while you were gone nobody dared to disagree with the Darkling and he had grown to get used to it. Power corrupts, resistance humbles.

Somehow you still held your composure, albeit it was difficult. Aleksander however, was losing his temperate demeanor. He was pacing the lengths of the room and his hand had brushed through his hair countless times, the image of someone who was backed into a corner they couldn't get out of.

'I haven't told you because I don't want you to get burned. If it goes wrong it would be good to have some of us not hanged for treason would it not?' Bullshit. He must've forgotten you had the power of a heartrenderer. Aleksander was lying right through his teeth.

'You and I both know that's not true. If history is any indication then they'll turn on all Grisha.'

'And you'll be here to make sure they don't.' He tried to reason but you let out a loud laugh.

'Up until 2 weeks ago you didn't even consider giving me my old post back, do you really expect me to believe you changed your strategy in a matter of days?'

He stayed silent and settled against his desk. His crossed arms showed he was in no mood to discuss any further but you weren't done. He was going to tell you everything whether he liked it or not. You were sick of being kept in the dark. You had your title of Deputy back now, yet you still had no idea what truly went on and had no real sway against the top-ranking Grisha who no doubt were in on the plans. Power corrupts, resistance humbles, and you were done being humbled.

'Aleksander don't make me force it out of you' As soon as the words left your mouth you tried to find some part of you that regretted them but came up empty-handed.

His head whipped around with whiplash speed. You could see the internal battle going on behind his eyes of whether you would actually make do on your threat. You didn't know whether it was empty or whether you actually would do it but it was tempting.

'You said you changed, but I don't think you did' He retorted, eyeing you up and down with a look of displeasure. The situation was a shift from the usual, this time he was the one losing control and spiraling whereas you were the perfect example of a calm before the storm. The Little Witch he had grown to love and worship.

'I'm stronger, I can be stronger. I am limitless' You prided yourself on the restraint you'd shown thus far. You were in a palace full of Grisha, of Healers, a Tailor, a Sun-Summoner yet you didn't make any moves to take anything. The old Y/N wouldn't hesitate to take what wasn't hers. Maybe that's why you would burn out, lose as you gained. This time you knew how to do it properly, how to be an Elemental who yielded it all.

'Your quench for power is contending mine, Sweet Y/N.' For the second time in your life, you saw fear in Aleksander's eyes. He always had a feeling you yearned to have a stronger grasp of the Second-Army and for so long, even now, you tried to lie to yourself and deny it. But deep down some voices always whispered 'it's only right to have a leader who represents them all'.

'Wrong. I already have it, I just need to use it.' You raised your hands slowly, showing him you meant what you said. I'm really doing this. Your heart dropped when his raised too. He's willing to hurt me to protect his lies.

'There's no going back from this' You felt weirdly ready. Although you had never used your Grisha powers against Aleksander in a fight, you had a hefty slice of hope in you that you could overpower him. You had what he had and more.

'Y/N stop this.'

'Why? So that you'll lie to me again? Make me the other woman? It's inevitable that it comes to this' Your heart picked up in speed as your breathing became rapid. The influx of power at your fingertips itched to get out and make itself useful and containing it was painful.

Shadows pooled on the ground and around your feet yet you didn't know who they belonged to. Technically they're all his, I just know how to control them.

Panic shot through you as you felt a tendril of the black nothingness grasp around your wrist. No. You let yourself go, snapping the shackle and mirroring it on him. He had never experienced cruelty at the hands of his own power until now and was completely powerless as the black restraints rendered him useless. You concentrated on his pulse, soothing it to its normal rate then into a slow hum, relaxing his mind. This all felt so wrong yet so right.

'I'm feeling merciful today. When you feel up to it, tell me everything, or else I promise I won't hesitate Aleksander. We're the same in that manner.'

You watched as he gathered himself, anger rising onto his face. His moves were rigid and stiff despite your previous soothing.

'Time is ticking' Before he could say another word, you left the defeated Darkling, instilled with a sudden sense of pride.

______

Part 15

Here's my masterlist where you can find previous parts of this series!

Taglist (Tell me if u want to be added to the Little Witch taglist!)

@theonelittleone @searching-for-gallifrey @0-artemis @lostysworld @xceafh @fire-in-her-veinz @patdsinner33 @cleverzonkwombatsludge @wizardwheezes @aleksanderwh0r3 @tomhollandisabae @hotleaf-juice @justmesadgirl @exo-1204 @houseofdupree @oberonpascal @eireduchess

#shadow and bone #the darkling #grisha #imagine #the darkling x reader #ben barnes #alexander #alexander morozova #fanfic #alina starkov #general kirigan x reader #zoya nazyanelsky

[flowerymoonlight]

my third heart

pairing: Bucky x Reader

genre: angst and pain, I didn’t even try to make it happy

word count: 2,054

summary: You saw the Soldat a total of four times in your life.

warnings: talking about hydra and the red room but no real details, character deaths, shootings

author’s note: this is for @the-omni-princess ‘s 1k challenge OH MY GOD IM SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG IM TERRIBLE I KNOW I had War Of Hearts by Ruelle 

The first time you saw Soldat you were nine years old and practicing for your first ballet recital. He had come in with six other men all in combat gear and all surrounding another man in a suit. You didn’t know enough then not to look him in the eyes – even if they were void of any color.

The second time you saw Soldat you were fifteen and instructed to wait in the training room with Natalia, Alina, and Dominika. You knew you four were the best in your class, you just weren’t sure whether they would kill you or give you an assignment. Then the Soldat walked in without his mask and barking orders that your body had since a long time ago learn to follow.

From that day on you saw the Soldat every day for the next four years. He trained you and the others on different fighting styles, how to make yourselves invisible and how to get in and out of a room without anyone inside it realize you were ever there.

He had you working in two teams, you with Natalia and Alina with Dominika. You were operating a mission in Moska when Alina and Dominika were compromised by the local police. You sat and watched as the Soldat pulled out his rifle and aimed. Two head-shots. Fifteen minutes later you were on a military aircraft back to the compound.

You never forgot the speed in which he was ready to take them out.

When it was time for yours and Natalia’s graduation ceremony the Soldat tried to do a pep talk. It was the first time you had seen him fumbling with his words and it was oddly endearing. It took a couple of giggles from you and Natalia for him to grumble something about the youth and leave the room.

Three years later Natalia went rogue and you never heard from her again.

The next time you saw the Soldat it was a year after Natalia had disappeared and you had learned she was with your enemies. At first, you were angry that her loyalty was so easily swayed and went on a killing spree trying to find Agent Barton, Hawkeye, the man that took her with him. After being unsuccessful you decided to wait patiently and plan his slow death.

That time the Soldat came with the mask over his face and stayed for another year.

That year he was assigned to you – or rather you were assigned to him. Someone from above had suspicions that what happened to Natalia would happen to you. So, the Soldat was supposed to take care of you and make sure you killed for the right team.

He wasn’t supposed to get attached. You weren’t supposed to get attached. You were a highly skilled agent, trained to conceal and be in control of your emotions at all times. What happened with the Soldat was unexpected and certainly unwanted. It compromised your position and reliability as an asset to the cause.

And yet you couldn’t stop. Everything in your training told you that getting involved with an agent, from your team or otherwise, was to be avoided at all costs. You must not have any attachments so you can focus on the cause.

The Soldat had assured you after a night of holding you close that you were both extremely committed to what was right and this thing between you was simply bodies exchanging heat.

You tried to believe him – until you didn’t. Until he almost got his head blown up during an extraction, and so much worry clouded your mind that you almost got made by the enemy. And it was only almost because you made sure no one of them would live to tell the tale.

You tried to believe that the cause was more important even as you rushed to make sure he was okay and kissed him when all you could find on his body were a few scratches and bruises, maybe a cracked rib that would heal in a couple of hours. You even tried to believe it when he kissed you back with the same vigor while you dragged each other back to the safe house.

You began to wonder when you would see him after an especially hard mission that would get him to the infirmary for two days. Or when he would leave for a mission all alone, arming himself to the bone. You began to worry about him. And you began to wonder if the cause really was more important than him.

That’s when you knew you were in too deep and the only solution was to extract yourself from the situation focus on your assignments. But knowing what to do and actually doing it are two very different things.

Then your pace started to change. He was coming to see you after each mission before he could even get checked for injuries. He would stay until you made him leave and take a shower and check himself and then he would come back at night when all the lights were out and none the wiser.

He would curl around you and bring you both to orgasm but he would never let go of you not even for a moment. After he would stay until his breathing evened out, until your breathing evened out, and you would fall asleep in his arms every night. Even if you woke up without him the next day, you knew he wanted to stay.

It was becoming more and more dangerous to see him and get even more attached and infatuated with him. And yet there was a war happening inside of you, between your heart and your mind. Both convinced that they knew the right thing to do and yet pitching two different things.

Realizing and acknowledging your situation didn’t make it any easier when they took him from you. A year after being partners the STRIKE team came barging in while you were cleaning your weapons and they tasered him till he couldn’t move and was helpless as they hoisted him up and took him away from you.

The only reaction you gave – the only reaction you were supposed to give – was a twitch of your jaw before they left and you focused again on cleaning your gun. Aware of the cameras in the room and how they were now intently focused on you and aware of where they were taking him and what they’d do to him.

It hurt more when you pretended like nothing had happened. Like they didn’t take your partner away from you. It hurt more when you were letting out your rage on the enemy and not being able to shoot down the very STRIKE members that ripped him from you.

It hurt more when you didn’t know which was the right side anymore.

So, you did the only thing you could. You went dark – rogue, just like Natalia. Only you didn’t change sides. You didn’t choose any sides. You were on your own with a new name, a new identity, and a new country.

Your solitary didn’t last for long as three years later you were coming back from a run when you caught a black van trailing you. You didn’t give them the satisfaction of acknowledging them, continuing on your way to your apartment.

In all honesty, you were expecting someone to already be there and waiting for you to get back – you just weren’t expecting him. You weren’t expecting to see the Soldat in full combat gear looking around your living room, confused as if it was his first time seeing a couch.

You couldn’t blame him, it was a lot for you too when you discovered throw pillows.

But the surprise of seeing him there after all these years had you being slow and with a gun pointed at your chest while the Soldat stared you down. When your eyes trailed over his exposed face, trying to memorize it again, you couldn’t stop them even if you wanted to.

But the thing that made something inside of you break and shatter were his eyes, and how vacant they were compared to the last time you saw him. A part of you broke even more because you knew exactly what they had done to him – exactly what he went through. And you were not there to stop it.

You expected the bullet to hit you straight in the chest. You prepared for the sharp pain that would only last seconds before you took your last gasped breaths in this world. But it never came. The Soldat never fired.

Instead, he kept staring at you with a frow between his brows. You itched to move as more seconds passed by but you made yourself stand still and wait for his next move. You didn’t expect that either. He flipped the gun in his hand so you could take it from him.

You gaped at him – willingly giving you his gun – and for the seconds it took you to place the thought in your head the Soldat was moving and taking your hand to shove the gun on it till your instincts kicked in and you gripped it tightly.

The next moment he was stepping back, with his hands at his sides, and looking at you expectantly. You lifted the gun to point at his chest and he didn’t even blink. But as much as you knew that you should pull the trigger and flee as fast as possible. As much as you knew your only chance was with him laying on your living room floor, bleeding out, you couldn’t do it.

You lowered the gun to your side and let out a shaky exhale – the first sign of emotion since you saw him. You thought that he would strike you then. That he only gave you a fighting chance before taking you down. But you should’ve learned by then that you should never expect anything from him.

The Soldat took two steps before he was in front of you and grabbing your hand still holding the gun and placing it against his chest. You stared at him as you realized that he wanted you to shoot him. He wanted you to take him down. Does that mean...

“You remember...” You whisper, and it’s lost between you as he shuts his eyes but never lets the grip he has on your hand falter. You realize quickly that you’re hoping for too much. You were asking too much of him. But that just gave you even more questions about his reasons behind this.

“It’s the only way,” he whispered back and his voice held all the things you couldn’t say and all the things you couldn’t feel. You felt it landing heavily at the pit of your stomach and all you wanted to do was disregard all your training for just one moment – one moment where you could hold him before he was taken away again.

But you couldn’t – because he wouldn’t either.

So, you ripped your hand from his hold and before you could blink and change your mind you aimed for his leg, firing a shot just above his right knee that had him grunting and his other knee falling to the ground. You didn’t hesitate before going for his left shoulder.

You did, though, take a moment to look into his eyes as you aimed at the center of his chest again – different position and different eyes staring back at you. This time the Soldat didn’t dare hide anything as you held his life in your hands. You saw everything in those blue orbs and you felt like you were shooting yourself when you pulled that trigger.

You didn’t stay to look after you heard his gasp and the sound of his body hitting the floor. You didn’t stay to look at the blood trickling out of his body and soaking your carpet. You took the fire escape out of the building just in time to hear the STRIKE team bust down your door to find the Soldat.

You didn’t stay to hear if they found a pulse – you just fled.

#the-omni-princess1kwritingchallenge #bucky x reader #the winter soldier #bucky barnes fanfiction

[klbwriting]

Unexpected Allies - Chapter 17

Fandom: Six of Crows

Pairing: Kaz/female!Reader

Summary: disaster strikes and Kaz has some planning to do

Notes: ugh, once again this is going to get worse but you’ll love it

Taglist:  @mcntsee @amwitherspoon @cxlpxrnia @fcvcritecrime​ @aysegust​ @sagewrites111​ @spawn0fsatan​ @itsemy01 @thedelusionreaderbitch

              Y/N wasn’t surprised when Kaz didn’t come out to see them off in the morning, but she was surprised to see Inej there, looking annoyed.  She approached the smaller woman and folded her arms.  Jesper and Matthias took that as their cue to go make sure the Fabikator and the horses were ready.

              “You didn’t have to lie to him and keep the parem a secret” Inej whispered.   Y/N cocked an eyebrow and felt a little vindicated in knowing that someone would have heard them had she told him.  Inej would have told the leaders, she was one of them now.  “I would have kept it a secret.”  

              “Liar,” Y/N retorted.  “Look, just, give this to Kaz if you see him, I know he might just tear it up but I want him to know how sorry I am and how much I love him.” Inej took the letter and pocketed it quick before Mal came over.  The look he gave her told her that everyone knew she had slept in her own tent last night and she didn’t like the pity.

              “Ready to go?” he asked.  She took one last look around, hoping that maybe he was in the shadows somewhere, still watching her even if she didn’t see him.  She nodded finally and went to climb on her horse.  “Try to just lead him away from us alright?  You don’t have to have the big fight all alone, we just need time.”  

              “If I can kill him, I’m killing him,” she said, urging the horse to walk away.  She took a last glance back and saw the glint of something shiny in the sun and smiled a little.  He had been there, at least, she hoped he had been.  

              It took nearly two days before they found the Darkling, alone in a field, waiting for them.   Y/N had figured he would be setting a trap and she was glad that the Fabrikator had almost finished the amplifier.  Even though it wouldn’t be at full strength it would help.  They stopped about 20 feet from their king and stared.  He smirked.

              “Hello Y/N, please, I know that you are going to try to fight me, and I have heard rumor that you have gotten a Grisha made amplifier, why don’t you put it on?” he asked.   Y/N felt wrong about all of this but before she would say anything the Fabrikator stuck the collar around her neck, sealing it on.  

              “Alright Aleksander, leave now and I won’t have to kill you, just leave us be,” she said, standing ready.  She heard a clinking sound to her right but ignored it. Jesper cried out a warning but by the time she reacted the chain had already been fused to the collar.  The Fabrikator was running towards the Darkling with the chain in his hands.   Y/N tried to stop him, slow his heart, but her power was suddenly gone.  Then with horror she realized that they had been betrayed.

              “You know, the problem with Alina was I gave her a collar, but I forgot to make sure she had her leash,” the Darkling said as the Fabrikator put the chain in his hands.   Y/N’ eyes widened.

              “RUN!” she yelled to the other two.  The Darkling lifted his hands and a shot rang out.  Jesper had fired but the Darkling had assumed this was coming, moving at the last moment so that he was just grazed in the shoulder.  Luckily this gave Matthias time to grab Jesper, pulling him onto his horse before the cut took him out.   Y/N tried to run but was yanked back hard by the Darkling.  She sputtered as she stood again, only to be dragged back another time. This time the Darkling just dragged her to the tree line where a carriage was waiting.  He had the Fabrikator enter before tossing her inside.  He joined her, making sure to sit right next to her as they were driven back to the Little Palace and what she assumed was her execution.  

                Kaz was waiting at the gate for Y/N.  He knew it was too early to expect the group back, but he wanted to be the first person she saw.  He had cooled off from their fight, talked to Inej, hell he even talked to Nina about everything, and both had set him right on what was the real problem.  He understood now that Y/N’s priorities were to save Ravka and to keep him safe, the only way in her mind to do that was to keep herself as the only target.  If she was the only person who had or knew where the parem was then he was safe.  He was an idiot; he would have done the same thing in her situation.  Now he just wanted to set things right and then he was asking her to leave with him.  This place got rot for all he cared, he hated it and wanted out.  He just hoped the Dregs and Y/N would leave with him.

              When Jesper and Matthias came over the horizon Kaz started to walk over but then saw that they were alone.  He felt panic rising in him.  Was she dead?  Captured? Where was Y/N?  The two men got off the horse as other joined Kaz at the gates.

              “We were betrayed,” Matthias said, panting from exertion.  They hadn’t stopped riding since their encounter, and they were exhausted.  Jesper looked at Kaz.

              “The Fabrikator…he made the collar to dampen her powers.  He was the Darkling’s plant here,” he said.  Dammit, Kaz had been weeding out other plants, knowing exactly how to recognize them from his time in Ketterdam and he had missed one.  “He made a chain too, gave it to the Darkling so she couldn’t run from him.”  Nina and Wylan helped the other men back to the camp while Inej and Mal approached Kaz.

              “Brekker, I think we need a thug to handle this,” Mal said after a moment.  Kaz stared at him.  “Can you plan something to help us?

              “I need time to plan,” he said, stomping off without a word to Inej as he went back to his tent.  He couldn’t think right now, everything in his brain was just screaming. She was at the Little Palace, probably going to be executed in some display of power by the Darkling and the last thing he had said to her was that he gave up on her, on them.  He started swinging again, once again breaking everything in sight. Once he was done he looked to the door to see Inej there holding out a letter.

              “ Y/N wanted me to give this to you.  I was hoping that she would be back to tell you herself but now…I’m sorry I kept it,” she said.  Kaz snatched it away and dismissed her with a wave of his hand.  He moved to the cot and sat down, opening the letter.

Kaz,

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the parem.  It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you, not really, its that I don’t trust the world anymore.  As soon as I let a secret slip disaster always seems to strike.  As soon as I trust the world is going to work in my favor it cuts me down and I didn’t want that to happen.  I never lied about how I felt about you.  I love you more than I thought I possibly could love anyone.  Remember back when you proposed to me?  Next time someone asks me my full name I’m saying Y/N Brekker because it was yes then and its yes now.  Hope I can see you soon, I miss holding your hand.

Love,

Y/N

              Kaz leaned his head to his hand and for the first time since Jordie he cried.  It was like he broke and every time something bad had happened to him came rushing to him, bringing out desperate sobs.  He knew what she meant about trusting the world, the world never cared about him just like it didn’t care about her.  He cared about her and he had thrown that in her face.  He took a deep breath and finally pulled himself together.  He put the letter under his pillow before getting a pen and paper of his own and writing out two things, one was instructions for Jesper and the second was something for Y/N.  Then Kaz stood and let the tears and sadness behind.  It was time for Kaz to lay low while Dirtyhands came out to play.  

              First, he found Jesper and gave him the instructions and the letter, telling him that if he read the letter that Kaz would personally rip his eyeballs from his face.  Jesper took the instructions and went to work.  Second, Kaz called a meeting of the Dregs and Mal.  He had a plan and it needed to be put into action immediately.  Finally, he told Nina that after the meeting they needed to have a talk.  Once the Dregs were assembled and Mal had sat down Kaz started.

              “Jesper is already on his way to the Little Palace,” Kaz started.  There was a gasp and Wylan actively gagged on his saliva in surprise, coughing loudly.

              “Why in the hell is he going there?” Mal asked. Kaz threw him a glare.  He was in the middle of his plan and Mal needed to fall in line or it wouldn’t work.

              “He is going because I kicked him out of the resistance, and he is going to tell the Darkling that.  Jesper came back empty handed, a Grisha returned to us without Y/N, what use is a Grisha if he can’t use his powers to protect his comrades?” Kaz asked.  Mal’s mouth fell open, he had been the only one in that room unaware of Jesper’s abilities. “He is going to go to the Little Palace and tell them everything he knows about the resistance, proving his loyalty.  We are going to evacuate and head south, just outside of Os Alta and ready for an attack.”

              “We don’t have those numbers…” Mal started.  Inej shushed him.

              “No, we don’t but by the time we reach Os Alta we will. Matthias is going to go to Frejda and gather the small army from there, and Kuwei will go to Shu Han and tell them what happened to his father,” he said.  “Make sure they know that the Darkling is ready to attack everyone, he’s not only after Ravka, he wants everywhere under his control.”

              “Why would they believe that?  He has been relatively peaceful with them before,” Mal said. Kaz smirked and he could tell that made Mal uncomfortable.

              “Before she was taken Y/N and I were planning an all out war with the Darkling, we drafted counterfeit proclamations of war to the Frejdans and the Shu, which they will be receiving just before Matthias and Kuwei arrive,” he said.  “After we have gathered this army we will attack, in which case I assume that the Darkling will try to use Y/N’s power against us using that collar he created. But we’re going to have its creator in our camp before then and he will tell us how to remove the collar.”

              “How will we get him?” Inej asked.  

              “A good question, you will be getting him out of the Little Palace throw a series of tunnels that Y/N created there while she was serving the Darkling, she drew a map for me,” he said, producing the paper, showing several tunnels that led in and out of the Palace.  “You will have to be more careful than ever before Inej, she didn’t know if the Darkling found these tunnels and sealed them or is guarding them.  Once inside Jesper should have the Fabrikator ready for you.”

              “How will we get the Fabrikator to talk?  If he was willing to betray us once he might lie,” Wylan said, still looking sick that Jesper was walking into the Darkling’s stronghold.  

              “That is for me and Nina to worry about.  Shall we Nina?” Kaz extended his gloved hand to her. She took it with an uneasy sigh and he pulled her out of the tent to explain the final, and most difficult, part of his plan.

#six of crows #kaz brekker x reader #kaz x reader #kazbrekker #kaz brekker #kaz #unexpected allies series