#and finish it. because i miss studying and the lessons a lot. and i want to graduate

[pollyna]

Five hours ago I realised I have a work husband can someone please give me a break already.

#me after two years of working together: we should take a vacation far away from each other #jokes aside even if the whole thing was really just a one shot i'm greatful we tried #if now academic could show us they aren't as shitty as we know they are it would help a lot #and i want to go back in uni so so bad #and finish it. because i miss studying and the lessons a lot. and i want to graduate #with a thesis where i can quote myself and know the stuff i'm writing so well it would make every professor cry of joy #now i just have to find the money (aka a job lol) #personal #about work husband's

[mrsbarnesblog]

Mattheo Riddle headcanons

masterlist ko-fi ao3

Summary: what is it like dating Mattheo

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings: fluff, no mention of y/n, you can be in any house, spicy content under the warning

Author’s note: For all my Bucky fanfic readers, I'm sorry that I haven’t posted in almost a month. This December is just too overwhelming, and every time I tried to finish my fic, it felt like I was wasting my time. I literally just miss the ending, and I hope to finish it as soon as possible.

For my possible new followers and/or HP stans, Mattheo is my current obsession, and I’m literally head over heels for him. And you know what they say: if you can’t find a fanfic that you like, write it yourself. So yeah, I'm trying something new, and I have a few ideas that are poisoning my head every single minute lmao.

sorry if there are any mistakes. hope you’ll like it💘🎀

Mattheo was never that much of a playboy because he didn’t like to share his space and, well, communicate with people in general

Due to his family, he was really reserved and refused to be weak

You weren’t that popular in school, so he had never really noticed you but one day, you suddenly started hanging out with Pansy and he could not get you out of his head anymore

He hated it

He hated that you occupied all of his thoughts for at least a few weeks 

Tried to ignore his feelings for you as long as possible, but from the moment you two had to work together on the project, everything went downhill 

He was scared to ask you out, not ready to be rejected by the only person he genuinely liked and thinking that maybe you secretly hated him like everyone else

At the beginning of the relationship, Mattheo told you that sometimes he might get cold and distant, but it wasn’t your fault and that you should just give him some time 

Mattheo is romantic and for his favorite girl, he always arranged the best dates

He was nervous to kiss you after the first date when he walked you to your dorm

Little did he know, but that sexy smirk and the way he looked at you all night drove you insane

So you just pulled him by the tie, connecting your lips

Since then, Mattheo has been addicted to you

Hands are always on you, holding your hand, your waist or your thighs

Looks at you as if you hung the moon and the stars

He kisses you in front of everyone to make sure that they know that you are his, and he is yours

Likes to pull into into his lap while he’s talking with his friends in the common room

Holding you close, slowly strokes your arms or your back, unable to keep his hands away from you

Whispers sweet nothings

Loves your smell and always buries his nose into your hair

He wears rings and allows you to steal them

His hoodies and t-shirts too

Secretly likes to be little spoon or lay on your chest while your hands are playing with his curls

Buys you everything you might possibly like, even though you always tell him to stop spending his money on you

Likes to study with you because you can actually get ready for the lessons while he has another opportunity to stare at you 

So overprotective and always snaps back at people who, even in the slightest way, disrespect you

He never lets you go to the parties alone in case some creepy guys decide to hit on you

Possesive

When you’re wearing revealing clothes, one part of him is proud and wants to brag that his girlfriend is the sexiest woman on the planet, but the other part wants to cover you with big blanket and keep you to himself

Always sarcastic and sassy

Fights a lot 

He had never gone to the medical wing because he wasn’t used to asking for help, but since you started dating, he let you heal his wound 

Loves when you scold him for those fights, just because you look so cute when you’re angry and he has an excuse to kiss and spoil you 

He has anger issues, but he has never raised his voice at you

Actually, you are like a sedative to him because only you can calm him down in a matter of seconds 

Will never make you feel uncomfortable or insecure

You don’t like something or someone? Mattheo will make sure to get you out of the room and won’t let that person come near you ever again

The way you call him “Matty” turns him into a literal puddle

Can’t sleep without you in his arms

spicy

During your first time, he was super attentive and always checked whether you were okay or not

Praises. A lot of fucking praises

“You’re taking me so good, my love”, “you look so pretty when you cum around me.” 

He likes every position, but prefers when he can see your face

There is literally not a single place in his dorm where you two haven’t had sex

Gets turned on literally by everything you do

He’s risky. As soon as he finds out that you actually liked it, he always teases you under the table, pulls you into the storage rooms, and talks dirty while there are a lot of people around

Got you two in detention a few times for getting caught kissing at night by Snape (you were lucky that he caught you before Mattheo’s hands slipped under your skirt)

His personal favorite is sex in the astronomy tower. The way you’re trying to hold back your moans drives him crazy

Also bathtub in the prefects’ bathroom, where you love to sit with him deep inside of you  

He usually dominates, but sometimes likes to let you be in charge and see how you ride him

He has a big appetite, and what is the best way to deal with it? Right, you.

Mattheo would’ve spent hours in between your legs if you allowed him

He never asks for anything in return, but still seeing you on your knees for him is a fucking miracle

Your hair are around his hand, while you’re taking as much of him in your mouth as you can

Eye contact

He’s willing to try in bed anything that you want, except things that might get you hurt

He likes to keep his hand on your neck while he’s thrusting into you but never actually squeezes

Can be rough and fast or really gentle and slow, depending on the mood

After someone pisses him off or if you had a small fight, he always fucks you into the bed with your hands pinned above you until you’re literally crying from pleasure

By the way, when you don’t have time to put a spell on the room, it gives him satisfaction to know that everyone hears the way you moan for him

He always makes sure that you came, and if you didn’t, he’s more than happy to go down on you

Love confessions 

Aftercare is a must

Hugs, kisses, food, baths—anything you might want

He always keeps you close until you fall asleep and then just stares at you, wondering how he could be so happy to have you  

#slytherin boys #harry potter fanfiction #mattheo riddle x reader #mattheo riddle #mattheo x you #mattheoxreader #mattheo x y/n #mattheo riddle headcanon #mattheo riddle fanfic

[komitomi]

Hi Komi! I just stumbled upon your account after reading an Alhaitham imagine of yours and it was AMAZING. I wanted to request Alhaitham, Kaveh, and Thoma after finding your G-spot? Thank you!!

that genuinely means a lot to me, thank you so much for liking my work <33 and yes!!

Finding your gspot :: alhaitham, kaveh, thoma (separate) x afab!f!reader

MDNI, NSFW WARNINGS: fingering (alhaitham, thoma), cunnilingus (thoma), p in v sex (kaveh), slightly mean!alhaitham, virgin!kaveh, gentle!thoma, small bit of fluff at thoma's part, cumming inside (kaveh), using spit as lube (alhaitham), reader is called a whore once (alhaitham) + not proofread.

NSFW UNDER THE CUT

Alhaitham:

You were currently sprawled out on his desk after you decided to tease him by disturbing him while he was focused on his studies, at first you sat on his lap, straddling him as he sat on his chair, but that didn't seem to bring out any reaction so you opted to grinding yourself against him.

Your intentions were to just tease him and be done with it but all that led to was the position you were in right now, alhaitham had you spread out on his desk, gazing at your dripping cunt, you felt extremely embarassed.

He lubed up his finger with his spit before teasing it against your hole and gently shoving it in, you gripped onto the table tightly and clenched your stomach muscles, “Relax.” he coos and you do relax.

That was until he adds another finger and curls his finger inside you, slightly hitting your gspot which ripped a pornographic moan out of you, alhaitham was kind of amused so he pressed harder, which made you arch your back, he smirked lightly at this.

You couldn't help but grind yourself against his fingers, he pumps his fingers in and out of you and doesn't miss hitting your gspot, which eventually makes you cum all over his fingers and the desk.

“tsk, tsk, such a dirty little whore” he clicks his tongue and pulls his fingers out of you before licking them, all that he knew was that those biology lessons definitely paid off that day.

Kaveh:

Kaveh was a virgin obviously, so the first few times you guys had sex it was more experimenting and a little challenging, you yourself haven't had many experiences but you were kind of well-versed, but kaveh? he had no idea what he was doing the first few times and you didn't mind, and guided him through it.

Now imagine his surprise as he was thrusting into you as usual and suddenly he changes angle which makes the tip of his dick brush over a spot that brought a loud moan from you, unlike any he heard before.

He halted not knowing what that was, thinking it caused you pain, but you whined and told him to continue that way, he had obeyed and continued thrusting into you, in the same angle, watching your reactions, he had no idea what it was but definitely knew you liked it.

You for sure would not have believed that he was inexperienced because the way he was thrusting so effortlessly into you right now, and hitting all the right spots while showering kisses on your body seemed like what an experienced person would do, but it all seemed to come so naturally to him, sure it took a little bit of time but hey, it was all worth it.

He continued to thrust into you, watching the way you react to his pacing, “F-faster!” you yell out, throwing your head back, he looks at you before speeding up his pace, you grip onto his shoulder tightly as your high was reaching you, moaning and whining as his cock bullied itself into your hole.

You come undone beneath him, coating his dick with your juices, he was surprised at this but continued to thrust before he finished himself inside you, he pulled out his dick to notice clear and a rather sticky substance on it, he looked back at you to ask you a question but you were laying there panting and tired.

He later learnt that the spot he was hitting which made you react in such a sensitive way was your gspot, and that the clear but sticky substance was your cum, not be confused with your wetness, he never knew women can orgasm like that, he only ever knew about clitoris orgasm, that too which he learnt from you, but never this, he was very fascinated to say the least.

Ever since that accidental discovery, kaveh's game and experience had improved rapidly, and he was proud of it.

Thoma:

“H-ha...! F-fuck right there thoma~!” you moan, throwing your head back, as you grip thoma's hair tightly, his tongue swirling around your bud, kissing it and licking it as if his life depended on it, you grind your hips against his face to match the rhythm of his tongue.

Thoma's hands kept your thighs apart, as he continued making out with your cunt, your hand left his hair and you propped yourself up on your elbows before shifting your entire weight onto one and grabbing his hair again, you looked at him with a dazed expression as he flicked his tongue against your clit before engulfing it with his mouth.

You groaned at the pleasure, you brushed his hair back, pushing away the strands of hair that were slightly tickling you as he ate you out, you felt one of his hands leave your thigh and to your entrance, he pulled away from your clit and shifted on his knees, before pushing one finger into your cunt gently before leaning down once again, to toy with your bud.

“O-oh god!” you moaned as you gripped his hair tighter making him groan, he slowly pushed the finger inside and out of you and added another one inside when he thought you were ready to take it, you gasp and felt your thighs quake.

His fingers were plunged deep inside you as he moved them like an expert, he was searching for your gspot, pressing down at random spots until he felt you shiver against him and let out a whimper, indicating that he found it.

His tongue pressed on your clit simultaneously as his finger pressing against your sensitive spot, you threw your head back and your hand left his hair to grip onto whatever was beneath you.

His tongue moved skillfully against your clit once again, nipping at your bud as he thrusts his fingers deep inside your cunt, you felt your high approaching and you grinded yourself against his face and hand, chasing it.

You felt shockwaves erupt from your body as you reached your high, it wasn't like your any other orgasm, it was more intense, you let out a low scream at the way it came out so harshly, juices gushing out all at once, you took a moment to register as to what happened until you felt thoma pull his fingers out and clean you up with his mouth.

You just squirted all over him, you felt extremely embarassed at it and covered your face with your hands as you laid on your back before you felt thoma on top of you, pulling your hands apart and kissing your mouth, you tasted your high from his mouth, it was salty and sweet at the same time, he pulled away from the kiss and kissed your face insteand.

“Don't be embarassed.” he cooed sweetly while stroking your hair and embracing you.

#genshin impact #genshin impact smut #genshin #genshin smut #alhaitham smut #kaveh smut #thoma smut #alhaitham x reader smut #kaveh x reader smut #thoma x reader smut #alhaitham x reader #kaveh x reader #thoma x reader #x reader #x reader smut #genshin x reader #genshin x reader smut #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x reader smut

[harleyqueen24]

Freedom, or not

Vincent de Gramont x Female Reader

Warnings: Fluff, Talk about illegality, invasion of privacy, power imbalance, swearing.

WORD COUNT : 1.8k

Summary: You do your studies in Lille's city. Suddenly, Vincent come to visit you. But, you know that it’s gonna be bad.

Thank you to @murasakispace for the correction.

Part 1/Part 2/Part 3/

Friday, your lessons were over. You left class with your friends, happy to have finished your group project for the semester. You wanted to go out for a drink to celebrate. Your second MASTER was over. You and your friends were so happy. You were on your way to a café, when a black limousine stopped in front of you. Its window rolled down and you saw a familiar face. He wore black glasses and had immaculate hair.

"Good evening, Miss Y/N." You knew why he was there. You knew who weas in the car and who was waiting for you. You gazed at your friends and sighed. They knew your situation and shrugged their shoulders with a broken smile. The driver continued to focus on you. "Sir waits you at..."

"The back. I know. Thank you Simon."

He replied you with a nod and pulled up the window. You gave them a little wave and smile to reassure them. They replied you with a "Salut !" and you got into the car to join the man you never wanted to see again: Vincent. He was dressed in a blue and purple checked three-piece suit. The envy of laughing at this extravagant costume overcame you. Although, you had to remain as neutral as possible so as not to start another argument. If he was here, it was because he had something important to tell you. You sat down in front of him, seriously.

These five years far away from him had done you the most good. You remembered the last time where you saw him. It was in Paris, at a dinner to celebrate his diploma. His parents had been so proud of him. Now, he was working with his father. It seemed that Monsieur was too lazy to continue his studies.

"So, are you going to speak up at some point?" he said, irritated. You had been watching from the window since you got into the limousine. The driver had the time to leave Lille and get on the motorway. It was normal for him to feel insulted. You turned your head towards him.

"It depends. If you tell me what you want."

"Chérie, we have two hours ahead of us. We have the time to come to the main issue."

"All the more reason not to talk to you. And I'm not your 'chérie'." His fists clenched. You knew he hated that. He sighed.

"You have not changed. Always so frank, serious and boring." His words were like spikes, piercing you to the core. He knew how hurt you were. Even though you were not supposed to show your feelings under any circumstances.

You looked out the window again. "And you, always so contemptuous and arrogant."

He smiled. "That's normal. It's part of my charm."

"Your charm. Mon cul, oui." You thought. Trees and houses were marching in front of you. A few minutes later, you realised that you were leaving the Lille area. "Where are you taking me?" you asked him.

"Are you only asking me that now?" he replied with a grin. "This is a surprise."

"You know that I don't like it."

"Yes, I know. That’s why I’m making you one."

You sighed. "You annoy me." He smiled, proud of himself. And it was only been an hour since you had left the city. "Is it far away?" you asked him.

"The destination ? Not really." He picked up his cup of coffee and he drank a sip.

"So, are we almost there? I have a lot of work to do."

"It will wait."

It will wait? You refused. You broke your back to be the best in your class. You did everything you could to show your father the leader you’d be if you took over his business. And this man said it as if there were more important things to do. Outraged, you grabbed your PC and started working on your project.

He gazed at you and sighed. "So, you don't want to talk to me."

"I would rather work." Your fingers tapped the keyboard quickly and you were so focused on your work that you lost track of time. The car pulled up and Simon opened the door. You lifted your head. "Are we there yet?"

"A few minutes ago." Vincent got out of the vehicle. You joined him and discovered where he had taken you. The great glass pyramid of the Louvre stood proudly before you. It was not the first time you had seen it. He reached out to you, waiting for you to grasp it.

"Will my fiancé please accompany me on this visit?" You gazed at his hand, then at Vincent and walked towards the main entrance without taking his hand, which was waiting for yours. He closed it, clenching his fist. "Alright." he said, annoyed.

You walked along the long corridors of the museum, observing at the paintings and statues. You stopped in front of Le Sacre de Napoléon by Jacques-Louis David. To admire it for the umpteenth time. You loved everything about this painting, the brushstrokes, the colours, the lights. It captivated you.

"Wonderful, no?" Vincent told you, next to you.

"Yes. Wonderful." You answered, stars in your eyes. "Did you know that Napoleon’s mother was not present at the son's coronation?" You asked him.

"Yes and that is why Napoleon the First asked the painter to install it."

You gazed him, surprised. "Finally, you know something."

"Why? Did you doubt it?"

"Sometimes." You continued down the long, high corridor.

After a few minutes, you saw a table. Vincent invited you to sit down. You looked around before moving to one of the two chairs. A butler came and served you tea, cakes were in front of you. Your fiancé took two teaspoons of sugar and mixed it into the tea. You decided to take the lead.

"Why did you bring me here?"

"You don't beat around the bush." he said you with a little grin. "We need to talk about..."

"If it's about the marriage, I'll stop you. Your father always reminding me." you cut him off. He laughed.

"It was not in my mind to talk about it. I just wanted to spend some time with my fiancée."

"And about what? Business?"

"Oh, you know how to talk to me, Bébé."

"Don't. Call. Me. Like. This." you said, enraged.

"Wow! Calm down! It was a joke."

"It wasn't fun." You sighed and took your cup of tea to drink. You observed at a few paintings while your fiancé talked. For almost an hour, he only talked about his business with his father. But one thing caught your attention: your father's business. Vincent knew a lot about it. Even a little too.

"Working with your father gives us something extra."

You fixed. "What do you mean?" you said, confused. He put down his cup and crossed his legs.

"The illegal art market is not very well known, only the richest have access to. But that’s what gives it its charm and power. Doing business with your father is always a pleasure."

You stood up suddenly. "An illegal market?" you exclaimed. You knew nothing of your father’s activities or of his relationship with the Marquis. Although, you did know one thing: art is above all a passion and pure. That's what your father taught you. Your father would never have tolerated this. Vincent watched you, intrigued.

"What?"

"What? What! Tu te rends compte de ce que tu viens de dire ?"

"Judging by your reaction, I see your father didn’t tell you."

It was right. Your father didn't tell you anything about his business. At the same time, you had gone to another town, a two-hour drive from Paris. So, you didn't know much.

"My father? Doing that? That's impossible..." you murmured.

"If you weren’t so far from Paris, you might know the latest."

You glared at him. You remembered why you had gone to Lille. You didn’t want to hear him, see him, or even feel him. You didn't want to listen to this guy who was going to be your husband. Just thinking about it mad you want to throw up. He took a sip of his tea when you said:

"Maybe if you didn’t exist, I could live my little quiet life by my side."

His jaw clenched. He hated it when you said things like that. It touched his ego. He put his cup down violently. "Because you think I’m happy to marry a woman as boring as you?" Now, it was your turn to go mad. You stood up quickly and walked towards one of the museum's many corridors. Vincent sighed and followed you.

"Y/N!"

He called you, but you didn't care. You were so angry when you heard him. Suddenly, his hand grabbed your handle. You turned in front of him, violently. You were standing in front of La Liberté guidant le peuple by Eugène Delacroix.

"What? Are you gonna ask me again why I’m angry? Why am I reacting like this? Or are you gonna ask me why I'm running away?"

"I..."

"No! Don't talk! I’m talking here!"

He took a breath and folded his arms. You continued to speak. "I was very happy to be in Lille. Happy to be doing something with my life. And just for what? A job. A fucking job that I know I may never achieve." You took a breath, before continuing. "And you... You’re back in my life after two fucking years. Two fucking years of doing what I wanted, going to parties, making friends and studying what I wanted. I was free!" His eyes widened. He wanted to speak but no words came out. "Do you understand, now? Your mere presence reminds me that I could never be happy!"

"And for me? Don’t you think I feel the same way?"

You smiled. "It's different for you. You’ve always accepted what your father told you to do. Like a good boy to his daddy!"

"Don't talk about my father like that! Did those girls you hang out with teach you that vocabulary? I should have kept a better eye on your entourage!"

Your eyes widened. What? Did he spy on you and your friends? "Unbelievable. You were spying on me!"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you're my fiancée!"

"Et alors ? That's not a reason!"

"For me, si !"

A bodyguard suddenly interrupted you. "Sir."

"What?" you said together. For the first time, you agreed on the same thing. Which surprised you. The man in the corstard scraped his throat before he spoke. It smelled bad all that stuff.

"Sorry to bother you, but…"

"Talk!" Vincent shouted.

"I have to inform you that your father is dead."

----------------------------------------

Translate French - English :

MASTER : degree after 5 years of study.

Salut ! : Hi!

Monsieur : Sir

Chérie : Darling

Mon cul, oui : My ass.

Bébé : Baby

Tu te rends compte de ce que tu viens de dire ? : Do you realize what you just said?

Et alors ? : So what?

Si ! : Yes!

#Vincent de Gramont x reader #Vincent de Gramont #Marquis de Gramont #john wick chapter 4 #john wick 4 #marquis vincent de gramont x reader #Marquis de Gramont x Female reader #x reader #Wick #john wick imagines #john wick imagine #marquis de gramont imagine #marquis de gramont imagines #the marquis x reader #Vincent de Gramont x you #marquis imagines #fluff #the marquis imagines #Vincent de Gramont imagine #Vincent de Gramont imagines #the Marquis de Gramont #Marquis de Gramont x reader #john wick x reader #john wick x fem reader

[fatuismooches]

HIII SMOOCHES! I’m going on a dottore brainrot rampage and I’ve been craving zandy content like I just want to pinch his cheeks and protect him at all costs! BUT imagine if like, the segments pissed off reader one day because they’re so busy that they kind of stopped paying attention to them, so reader decides that instead of spending time with them they will instead spend time with zandy 🥺.

AND LIKE imagine if (in revenge) they just bake cupcakes and keep them all to themselves knowing that the segments have like this sweet tooth but they won’t get any cupcakes! 🧁Like imagine if Zandy tries to remake Webttores mask using white and black frosting on a cupcake but it just.. looks bad😭 I can just imagine how cute I’d be! Like one cupcake has too much blue frosting and sprinkles so it’s very sugary while one barely has anything because the frosting was finished. One cupcake has tiny eggshells in it because zandy didn’t crack the egg correctly 😭So like- while the segments are busy with their lab stuff there’s just reader and zandy making treats behind everyone s back.

IMAGINE IF A SEGMENT WALKED IN ON THEM ABD JUST STARED LIKE:😦 because they thought Zandy was busy studying or something and taht reader was possibly in one of the labs BUT instead they just see the kitchen being an absolute mess, flour everywhere, a bunch of dishes are also dirty😶 and they’re possibly wondering where did the sprinkles come from because they were sure they didn’t buy any sprinkle NOR FROSTING- what would the segments reaction be? Would they get jealous or let it slide because Zandy is a kid and stuff

Im sure you did something close but I’m missing Zandy content and I’m also craving cupcakes- I’m pretty sure I saw a post related to baking and stuff so I got inspired Sorry if there are any mistakes because my English is not very good😓 by the way can I be 🪭anon, pretty please ?

(x) With how many lovers you have, you'd think that you'd never be left wanting for attention... however, much to your dismay, that is incorrect. Even you, their darling, can be pushed aside for their experiments/research/work. And look, you're a pretty patient person, you understand they can't always pay attention to you, and you understand that. You've endured a lot of their Dottore-ness, and can cope pretty well, but this is far too much! When was the last time you were showered in their attention and kisses! Well, if that's how they want to be, then so be it! You'll deny them of your affection too! And instead spend it with someone who actually appreciates you, little Zandy of course! Doing what, you ask? Baking, of course! Making his favorite treats for being such a bb!

Although Zandy is sad watching you be sad that the other segments are neglecting you, at the same time he's happy because you're paying so much attention to him! The other segments always try to barge in and steal your attention... it's not fair... but not today! ZANDY TRYING BUT FAILING TO DESIGN THE CUPCAKES AS THE SEGMENTS IS TOO CUTE. After the first botched cupcake, you just laugh and then put your hands over Zandy's much tinier ones, directing and guiding him to frosting the cupcake properly. You definitely make more with the other masks, his earrings, the other Harbingers, etc!

The segments found you because of how much you two were giggling and having a grand old time without them... And to answer your question, it doesn't matter who or what is hogging your attention... if it's stolen for too long, they will get grouchy and annoyed... but the catch is that they can't get mad at Zandy because you will raise hell if anything mean was said to your precious baby. So they have to settle for pointed glares at you two instead as you hog all the cupcakes. Needless to say, they've learned their lesson.

#smooches talks #🪭 anon #dottore love notes <3 #zandy bb <3 #funny story anon... your emoji doesn't show up on my mac... (its just a square lol) #i had to go on my phone to add the emoji haha

[slowlydifferentbluebird]

hiiii <3

how would you write itzy in high school as reader’s classmate but smutty…? just curious

Itzy headcanon: them as reader's classmate (smut version)

Requests are open

Hello! This was one of the most recent requests, but the moment I read it, I couldn't stop to think about it. So I hope you like it and thank you for requesting❤️

Classmate!Itzy X Student!GN!Reader

Yeji

You and Yeji are so close since you were child

And you have been in the same classroom since you have memory

But did this stop you two from having sex with each other? Absolutely not

Even the teachers know that you two are quit touchy with the other one, but they think in an a cute way

Actually you can't stop from roughly fuck

During the break for example

Hiding in the first empty spot, like the toilette or the storage room

Luckily nobody has heard you yet

Despite Yeji's moan being so loud

And your "study sessions" at Yeji's house?

When it's over, she can't take you to the door because she has difficulty to walk

You will go to the same college for sure

Lia

The rich girl™ in your class

Always so fancy in her outfit and behavior

What a surprise was for you to know that's she's the biggest sub

You two didn't even talk before your teacher gave you a research to do together

You expected an hard time, but actually you two had great chemistry

So you finished the task in no time

She decided to thank you for your help using her mouth

You badmouthing in the meanwhile made her so wet

So she couldn't help to finger hismelf while giving you pleasure

Now for you two it's a nice routine to have oral sex during the long days at school

Ryujin

How to describe Ryujin from your classroom?

You didn't know her well, but she always was sarcastic, cold and heedless of the rules

One day you were very late, so you couldn't enter for the first lesson of the day

While waiting, out of nowhere she approched you

"Yo, do you want to skip school with me?"

You discovered a whole new side of her: she was actually really nice as person and friend

Though more then friends, you two became fuck buddies

In fact at the end of that day she was on top, riding you like crazy

Of course she's a dom

And from that day your average of absences grew a lot lol

Chaeryeong

Chaeryeong has always been the most shy girl in your class

Always with her in head in the clouds or spacing out

And you always wondered what she was thinking about

Well, surprisingly the answer was having sex with you

You discovered it when during P.E. lesson she was looking at you like you were on fire

At one certain point she was missing

So you decided to go looking for her

And you found her in the storage room...masturbating

She was so immersed in her fantasy, that she didn't notice you were there watching her while she was screaming your name

"Do you need help maybe?"

She gasped so hard, but still accepted your proposal

So you fucked like rabbit on the playmat, making it really wet

And from that day P.E. is yours favourite lesson of the week

Yuna

Actually she's not your classmate, being one year younger

But you obviously know her because she's one of the most popular girl in the school

What surprised you it's that SHE knows you

In fact one day she sits next to you in the canteen, out of nowhere

Asking you to help her study for a test, given that you had the same teacher

So that afternoon you met in the library of the city

And that's when she started her game with you

Sitting on you to grind on your tighs

Bending over to "accidentally" show you her panties, under her way too short skirt

She even bited your earlobe, making you lose it

You ordered her to bend over your knees

You slapped her ass until she basically begged to take her pussy

You didn't hesitate to insert your fingers inside her

From that day she's basically your pet in school

Being super sweet and nice during the day to make you fuck her good at the end

#kpop #kpop girls #kpop headcanons #kpop reactions #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop x gender neutral reader #kpop x reader #kpop x y/n #kpop smut #kpop suggestive #itzy chaeryeong #itzy lia #itzy yuna #itzy yeji #itzy ryujin #itzy headcanons #itzy imagines #itzy reactions #itzy scenarios #itzy smut #itzy x reader #itzy x you #yeji smut #lia smut #ryujin smut #chaeryeong smut #yuna smut #jyp itzy #yeji x reader

[coffeelovesdramasalatte]

LITA Ep 3 Rewatch Thoughts Pt. 2

Part 1 here!

Ok I am HERE for this encouragement - I love that Phayu is always supportive of Rain's academic talents

Apparently Rain is not immune to Phayu's pout either. Good, a relationship should be built on equality

pls observe this cutie omfg no wonder Phayu can't take his eyes off him

i genuinely feel like this shot did something to my brain chemistry. i kid you not one of my main goals in life is to have someone do this to me (by which I mean I want to be in Rain's position). I would also ignore homework and all my responsibilities if someone looked at and held me like that pls

P'Aon so true, Boss WAS smiling like an idiot (in love)

Poor Rain, these were famous last words :( (I too have uttered them many a time until I realized I am not a nap-taker)

ETHEREAL

Is this a rock cover of flight of the bumblebee playing in the background??? POOR RAIN HE STAYED UP ALL NIGHT TO DO THIS :((((

Ok but this is actually a very important lesson that I'm glad they included. It's true that Rain finished the work on time, but he also should have ensured he got enough sleep and made it to the presentation on time. He's still in his first year so he has a lot of time to grow. The actual important line is this one below.

It was a harsh way of phrasing it, but it's true. Setbacks are a very normal part of life and everyone makes "mistakes" (missing deadlines, not being able to finish a project, etc). I put that in quotes because sometimes, these things are at no fault of the person. It is possible to put 100% of your effort into finishing something and not get it done (which, aside from Rain's poor time management, he actually did put in a lot of effort to this project). Failing at something even after putting in a lot of hard work sucks, but being able to pick up after that and still work hard is what makes a person successful. I related extra hard to this scene because I failed a class in my major during my first year of college even though all I did was study, and it put me back a full year bc it's only offered certain semesters and was required to move forward in the degree. I took it again the following year and was smarter about how I studied and even still, I almost failed again. But I liked my major enough to keep at it and somehow still managed to graduate on time and now I'm in grad school, so... (that was an unnecessary story but to reiterate, failure is normal and ok)

AWW look at him putting on a facade for his friends... I think it's interesting that he doesn't confide in Sky here

but instead flies to the garage... Even I questioned this

P'Saifah is a good bro, calling Phayu immediately to come comfort his in-law. Phayu is good here too, immediately grabbing his things to come running

I think I speak for all of us when I say watching Phayu ride in the heavy rain was nerve-wracking bc we were expecting an accident or something

OK this scene. THIS SCENE. Utterly perfect in every way, from the moment concerned Phayu walks through the door to see a drenched, teary Rain waiting for him. Something blue-yellow is going on here too methinks

There's something so incredibly intimate about the way Phayu crouches down to Rain's level, and then beckons him into his arms. His words too are so gentle, and he just holds Rain as he cries.

As opposed to many other sweet scenes, this sequence + the one after Rain comes out of the bathroom is actually the one that makes me most jealous of PhayuRain. There is nothing more valuable than having someone you can fall apart into and trust that they'll hold the pieces of you together. And honestly, in the grand scheme of things Rain didn't mess up horribly - it feels monumental to him bc it's probably the first time he's missed a deadline. It's important that Phayu still treats the situation with the gravity of something more serious, bc it shows how much he cares. And after Rain has calmed down, he advises him on how to do better next time without sugarcoating, but also sharing that he experienced similar things during his days as a student.

I'mma need Rain to zip it bc he looks perfect, as usual

I really like the framing in this scene where he's looking into the mirror and then introspecting "why did I put up a front with other people and then cry in front of him? idk but I'm thankful" - he's reflecting mentally and physically!!!

Can't believe a drama is out here giving important life lessons but I'm here for it. I also like that Phayu shows a bit of vulnerability by sharing that he got criticized too, and that Rain will be able to recover from it.

HEADPAT x 2

This is another set of shots that altered my brain chemistry. Who taught them to look at each other like this, hm? Rain looks so vulnerable and Phayu might as well be cradling Rain's soul in his hands ft. headpat

The way Rain tilts his head up? Exquisite

I'd also feel very motivated if I was in Rain's place. Phayu actually makes another few interesting points here - he says what's done is done, and then tells Rain to not dwell on it and take care of himself. Interestingly enough (story time pt 2 you can skip if you want). I watched this scene very soon after I missed a paper submission deadline for a conference. It's not the biggest deal, especially because my professor knew it was a big ask to finish an entire research project in the timeline he gave me and he wasn't even remotely upset about it (long story short I only had 2 weeks notice to flesh out the idea, get the data, analyze the data, and write the research paper - but you can't really control how long things take you when you do research bc the point is that it hasn't been done before). So even though no one reprimanded me, I still felt really upset bc I had made up my mind that I was going to do this impossible task and couldn't. To hear Phayu's reminder that I can be upset but I shouldn't spend too long being sad to the point I neglect to take care of myself was honestly nice. It also helped to put things into perspective that yes, I couldn't submit to this particular conference, but there are so many that happen all the time so it's not like the research is wasted - just pull yourself together and try for the next one. Anyways, I'm done treating y'all like my personal diary now <3

Yay, Rain feels comforted and finally smiles! It's like seeing the sun after a storm (literally) AND something yellow-blue is happening here

Post-credits garage brothers content!! This exchange is hilarious bc P'Saifah goes 'ah [Rain] is in the palm of your hand' as Rain's leaving, but then the show makes it literal bc Phayu's holding a picture of Rain in his palm via the phone screen, which also signifies to the viewer that Phayu is also in the palm of Rain's hand. Again, we love relationships built on equality hehe

I love that they let us see the moment Phayu decided to pursue Rain (he's looking at the picture of Rain on his phone for the first time - though I do question why the senior just randomly sent him a photo of Rain? Like at this point Phayu is an alumni of the frat so why just send an isolated photo of a freshman to him?? we'll never know I guess)

And that's episode 3! If you made it this far, I hope at least some of this was entertaining! Have a lovely day or night, whenever you're reading this <3 See you in the next one!!

#love in the air #lita #lita the series #bossnoeul #phayurain #payurain #lita rewatch thoughts

[lemmetreatya]

Teacher!Reiner x Teacher!fem reader headcannons

i’m missing abbott elementary so i made this 🫶🏾

You and Reiner would get on so well as colleagues.

The two of you teach the same year group so there’s a lot of material and tips you can share.

You bounce really well off of each other and in result, his cooperation has helped you plan and task your lessons better

You always pull special favours for Reiner and his class, knowing how he can sometimes lack a certain flair when it comes to treating his kids.

He’s not a bad teacher at all — he teaches the children what they need to know and looks for new ways in order to help them grow — but he definitely needs help in giving them rewards that will help spur them on

“All this? For me?”

Reiner took the treat-full tuppaware from your hands, your skin briefly brushing through the exchange. The sideways smirk he threw you made you giggle.

“Reiner, don’t try play smart with me.”

You lightly pushed his arm as you walked past him, already moving to one of the computer desks’ within the staff room.

“Just make sure your class get’s them before break time. I don’t want them complaining to my class talking bout they ain’t get nothing.” You finished.

“Of course.”

Placing the tub next to his graded paperwork, Reiner sneakily crooked open the side of the container and then lifted the paper towel that covered the treats.

Another smirk graced his face.

“Only for my class? Not even one cookie for me?” He joked once again.

With a poignant laugh, you peaked your head out past the computer screen to give him a chided look.

“Boy, you already get enough cookies from me.”

You joked back, causing the man to glance away in embarrassment.

Reiner never wanted to become a teacher. All his life he’s been referred to as a ‘Big Brother’ or a responsible person and over time the schtick had gotten old but alas, here he was

But the kids love him though! He’s like a massive teddy bear to them and although he looks threatening, hes such a lovely guy. It helps that these are one of the earlier impressions the children get of not judging a book by it’s cover

But everyone knows he has a soft spot for you. It’s so evident in the way he lights up when in your presence or the way he seems even ofter when with you.

Whenever he’s finally got his class to do the work hes set for them to do, Reiner likes to take mini trips to your classroom that just so happens to conveniently be next door

He’s so endearing when he does it because you can tell he just wants a distraction or to be a distraction

“Alright, Class. Make sure you work these equations out using the method we just learnt. I know some of you may already know how to do so using a different way but we’re trying to learn something new today, okay?”

A chorus of smaller voices called out in confirmation of agreement from in front of you.

With a nod, you placed your whiteboard marker onto the board edge.

“Good. Try having a go by yourselves first but if you need any help, raise your hand and I’ll come and assist you.”

Lingering by the board, you took a general sweep over your class. You’re children were pretty obedient and seemed to enjoy independent study time so times like these always gave you a bit of a breather.

“This method is toootally outdated. My kids have learnt this stuff like…eons ago.”

Turning your head towards the voice that came from your classroom doorway, you couldn’t help the silly smile that automatically made it’s way onto your face at the leaning man.

“Shut up.” You playfully seethed, double taking between the concentrating class and Reiner. You didn’t want the kids to catch you using certain language — Not like they didn’t use the phrase already, but you weren’t one to encourage bad habits.

Seeing your cooperative reply, the man took that as an invitation to walk further into the classroom, meeting you halfway. The two of you stood towards the front corner, you making an especial effort to keep an eye over your class with your arms folded over your chest.

“You’re only like half a module ahead and that’s only because I had to give them a sub for two days.” You chided to him, however had your attention focused on the class.

There was a shift besides you as Reiner crossed his hands behind his back. You felt him lean down in your general direction but you didn’t look up at him.

“About that…how you holding up?” He asked, his tone completely changing into one of genuine concern.

At this, you shrugged.

Earlier during the week, you had to take two days off concerning you had a real nasty break up with your now ex-boyfriend of nearly six years.

No matter how many Hashtag Fuck Him and Live Your City Girl Life songs you listened to and posts you liked, nothing changed the fact that you had been cheated on by the very man you were so adamant would propose to you soon.

But of course, you couldn’t tell the Head that was the case you didn’t come in. And you absolutely felt terrible over the fact that these kid’s education was in jeopardy all because of personal issues. Still, you decided that you could confide in Reiner about the situation and be sure that he wouldn’t tell anyone else.

“I’m holding up.” You said with a shrug. “It sucks but I’ll get over it, you know?”

“Mm.” He said in thoughtful hum.

Even just starting to talk about what happened ignited a fiery feeling within your chest. You were still hurting and trying to process everything but Reiner asking how you were was almost like picking a scab over a fresh wound.

You opened your mouth once before closing it again.

There was a lot bubbling up from inside of you and you had to be cautious that your comfortability with Reiner didn’t make everything boil over.

So instead, you resigned to controlling yourself with optimism.

“But I’ve decided that I can’t dwell on it too much. I’m young? Attractive? I have so much going for me so I’m not gonna act like it’s the end of the world just because he couldn’t see my worth.” You said with a sigh.

Reiner hummed again but this time he offered a few words of encouragement.

“That’s how you gotta look at it to be honest. No point sulking over what’s passed. Can only look forwards.”

The two of you stood in brief silence. The sound of the children scribbling away at their worksheets were a lot louder than you thought they’d be but it didn’t take away from the fact that Reiner’s presence was welcomed.

After a few seconds passed, Reiner moved from besides you to stand in front of you, his back to your class as he spoke down at you in a hushed but endearing voice.

“Just promise me you won’t go through this alone. Shit like this isn’t uncommon but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurts like a bitch every single time. As you said, you’ve got a lot going for you. Eren was dumb in doing what he did but even an idiot would fail to take a pass on you so don’t see this as the end-all, okay?”

“Miss, can I have some help?”

You didn’t even get to give the blonde a reply. Right now, the needed attention of one of your students was much more important. Reiner understood that just as well.

“I should probably get back to my class.” He said with a much more louder and lighter voice, already turning around.

You looked up at him with a small nod, but your eyes said all the more. Even though the conversation was brief, it did a lot more for you than all the self-processing you did within your own mind the past few days.

As Reiner exited your class, you walked forward towards your students, demeanour changed.

“Yes, how can I help?”

The both of you came as a pair. Whether it be during break times and trips, you and Reiner were never too far from each other.

Even though there were other staff who you talk regularly to, Reiner’s always your main buddy

You even had Pack-A-Lunch Wednesdays where the both of you would skip out on getting food from the staff canteen and sit in the staff room alone and swap lunches that you packed the night before

You didn’t think anything strange of it but Reiner was genuinely good company

Secretly though both your classes ‘shipped’ you together. There was always talk amongst them about whether either of you had a crush on the other or if you were dating but just not telling everyone.

You hadn’t initially known about this before hand but you found this out from one of your other colleagues, unaware it had been going on

(“They just won’t shut up about the two of you.”

Placing her mug underneath the instant coffee machine, Pieck pressed the button and looked back at you with her hand on her hip as she wore a face of disbelief.

“I don’t even hear rumours about me and Porco like that, and we’re actually together! Surely there’s something between the two of you?!”)

Not that you were thinking of pursuing it but you had to think it over because, yeah, Reiner was hot as fuck. Like, the literal definition of a dream man, but you’re not sure how a relationship would effect your friendship concerning you really valued it

However, what your colleagues had disclosed to you, you didn’t disclose to Reiner. As amusing as you may have found it, you didn’t want to plant seeds within Reiner’s head to make it seem like a relationship was what you were expecting from him

You know Reiner had some sort of attraction towards you. You’re unsure whether it was romantic or not but you noticed the lingering smiles, the extra attention and the longing looks. You aren’t (that) full of yourself and you definitely aren’t dumb — so you know theres a kindred relationship between you both. What exactly it was was the unknown

You doubt Reiner was even properly aware of these feelings but it was for the better as it meant was easier to tease him over those facts

“Miss, are you and Mr. Braun gonna get married?”

A gasp was swallowed down your throat as you had to hide the look of shock that graced your face. Looking down at the student who had currently asked you the very amusing question, you asked again to make sure you heard right.

“Getting married? To Mr. Braun?”

The child nodded.

This was such an unprompted scenario concerning you hadn’t even been in Reiner’s classroom for not even a minute. All you did was come in and ask him to print off a few sheets for you, concerning your printer was broken. But then again, working in this field meant you were always going to be gifted with such questions.

“Well…” You started.

Laying a hand on top of the blonde’s desk, you pretended to stroke your imaginary chin, choosing to entertain the child.

“To be honest with you, I don’t know. I think it’s up to Mr. Braun on whether he wants to or not.”

The child’s face almost lit up, her blunt pencil no longer important. Leaning over his computer screen, you proposed the question to your colleague.

“Mr. Braun, what do you think about that?”

Upon being directed to, Reiner looked up from his computer screen only to met with your lucrative expression as you softly bit your lip.

Gaping his mouth, Reiner looked between you and the expectant student. The child couldn’t see your face so to her, his surprise seemed unwarranted. But you knew that you had the man cornered and flustered.

“Sorry.” He’d start, his mouth suddenly dry. Licking his lips Reiner looked between the two of you. “I—I didn’t hear the original question.” He’d say whilst trying his best to feign ignorance.

“Leave it, don’t worry.” You warmly said before turning back to the child with an easy grin.

As you continued to speak with his student, Reiner took that chance to breath out of his mouth. He knows he told you he didn’t hear the question, but the rouge blush that tinted the apple of his cheeks said else wise.

#reiner headcanons #reiner aot #reiner braun #reiner x reader #reiner x black reader

[mlove44lh]

For a lifetime part I - En/USA Version

part II here

warnings: +18. Childhood friends to lovers, angst, smut, fluff, original character. 

Words: 9.033

Summary: Lewis and Angie met in their childhood and after a short time they were already inseparable, the relationship escalated and soon they became more than friends. But life happened to both and they ended up following different paths. Nine years later they meet again. Is all that love really gone? 

Notes: English is not my first language. I did my best with the translation, but I know there are going to be many mistakes in the writing.

I decided to translate this fanfiction because I'm completely in love with these two, and I want this story to reach more people. Comments are always welcome. Hope you like it. 

Some events are out of chronological order.

June 2002

-Mom, please, I can study at home. I promise to do better on the next tests. -I try one last time to convince her that I do not need this class. But I realize it will be in vain as I look at his usual impassive frown.

-No. None of that, I promised your father that you would take at least one class, and he paid a lot of money for that. Don't belittle your father like that, Angie. -My mom looked straight ahead cautiously on the road, even when there weren't any cars but her old Bentley. I still looked at her with the slightest bit of hope.

-Please, he'll never know I didn't come.

She looked at me in disbelief.

-No, but I'll know. Now come on, I don't have all day, I'm already late.

-All this because of a C. -I said to myself as I finally got out of the car. 

-You can complain to your father tonight if you want, but I did my part. -I watched as she accelerated and left the parking lot, I thought about leaving, going to the park that I saw from the passenger seat a few blocks away, and spending the next three and a half hours doing nothing, but I was already there, and the heat was almost unbearable, so I decided to go inside and watch the review lesson I don't need.

Barely 30 minutes had passed and I couldn't take it anymore, I took minimal notes and tirelessly looked at the clock in search of redemption. I was looking outside the building when I heard the door being open.

-I'm so sorry teacher, I lost the track of time, I was racing and when I saw it, it was already two o'clock, please forgive me. -The boy was out of breath, putting words on top of words and begging for the teacher's forgiveness, it was almost impossible not to find the situation funny. The teacher in turn didn't give a damn, asked the boy to calm down, and invited him to sit down and pay attention in class.

The boy came towards me and for a moment I thought he was going to talk to me, but he just waved and sat down on the bench next to me, which was the only empty one in the room. The rest of the class passed in absolute silence, except for the teacher's voice and the sound of birds outside. From time to time I felt the boy restless, writing down unneeded things and trying to look at my notes. His nervousness started to make me nervous too.

-For the love of God, calm down. After class, I can help you with your notes, but please be quiet. You're making me nervous. 

The boy smiled shyly at me, I could see the small gap between his front teeth and I thought it was adorable, he seemed like a nice person.

The class ended and as promised, I explained the content he had missed and helped him with his notes.

-You don't seem to have any difficulty with this topic. -He said as he finished writing. There was no one else in the room, the class had already ended at least 15 minutes ago. I know my mom is waiting for me in the parking lot but I don't mind keeping her waiting while I talk to him.

-I don't. My father is very strict with my education. I got a C in literature and he decided I needed tutoring. 

-Oh, I see. Not a good way to spend a Saturday afternoon, but at least you're smart. 

-Are you kidding? I love this place. I begged him to put me in this class, I couldn't think of a better way to spend my Saturday. - I say jokingly. Our laughter echoed through the room. -And you? Do you also like to spend your Saturdays in a tutoring class?

-Nah. I came because I had to, I'm not showing up to classes as I should, so they made me come. But I won't need that. -He gestures to his notebook. -My father and I are working hard for me to be a formula 1 driver someday.

-And how is this going? -There was no superiority in his speech, only hope and excitement.

-Very good. -His smile was gigantic. -Very well indeed. I can't wait to finish high school and race all over the world. 

-Great. hope everything works out for you...-I gestured for him to tell me his name, which only then I realized I still didn't know.

-Lewis Hamilton.

-Lewis Hamilton. - I repeated to myself. -Nice to meet you. I'm Angie Woods.

November 2002

I could barely keep still, I was so excited, finally, I would see him racing in person. 

I was in front of my house, waiting for the car that would come to pick me up. Lewis told me that his father would come by at 10 am to pick me up from home and then we would drive to the circuit where the last race of the karting season was taking place, where Lewis was doing exceptionally well. 

Since we met months ago, we haven't let go of each other, Lewis ended up becoming a great friend to me, we see each other almost every day and he had already promised me that he would take me to a race a long time ago.

During these months of friendship, Lewis teaches me everything about Formula 1 and motorsport. I fell in love with the sport, we haven't lost a race since. 

It didn't take me long to see the car coming to the entrance of my house, I ran inside and hoped my parents didn't see it, they had already made their displeasure with my new friendship clear. So I decided not to tell where I was going that morning.

I met his father, his stepmother, and his brother, Nicholas. Everyone welcomed me more than well, and in a short time I already felt almost like part of their family.

❀

I was almost voiceless from cheering for Lewis. His family and I were in the front row of the audience watching Lewis' every move. He was exceptional as a driver, even with older drivers on the grid and with a not-so-good car, he stood out a lot. I could then understand that there was no understatement in his father's speech when he said that Lewis would become a great Formula 1 champion. It was just a matter of time.

I was behind his family when he got out of the car, Lewis ran to his father and stepmother and hugged them, he had won another race, consequently becoming the best driver in his category, and the youngest to achieve this accomplishment. After hugging his family, Lewis jogged to me, I was close to being emotional, I was so happy for him. I hugged him back and we stayed like that for a good few seconds, his arms made me feel like I'd never felt in my life.

After the race we went to his house, it was getting dark but none of us wanted the day to be over. Lewis's father ordered pizza and we all ate together. Anthony, his father, told me all about Lewis's passion for motorsport and all the difficulties they had faced so far. I paid attention to every word and could only imagine the difficulties they had.

Anthony insisted on dropping me off at my place, it was already dark and the night was much colder than usual, so I made no objections, thanked him for the day, and said goodbye to his family. 

Before leaving, Lewis ran down the stairs to me, I was ready to go meet his father, who was already waiting for me outside the house.

-Wait a second. I bought you something. 

Lewis handed me a box, I opened it and found a delicate golden necklace, it had a pendant of a small "A". It was beautiful, I almost didn't react because I didn't expect such a gesture from him.

-I saw it in a store and I couldn't leave without buying it for you. There was silver too but I like your skin better with gold. 

Lewis looked at me shyly, just like he looked at me in the first conversation we had months ago.

-It's beautiful, Lew. Thank you so much, I loved it. -I took the necklace out of the box and give it to him to put on me.

I pulled my hair up and waited for him to put the necklace on me, his hand passing lightly over my neck managed to make my skin shiver, I hoped that it had gone unnoticed by him. As soon as he closed the necklace I turned forward and hugged him.

-I'll never take it off. -I said low, in the middle of the hug, just for him to hear, as if we weren't alone in the room. 

-I'm glad you liked it.

I pulled away from the hug and kissed his cheek, close enough to his mouth to make me blush with embarrassment, I said goodbye with a low "see you later" and left the house, going to meet his father, who was already waiting for me inside the car. 

I walked away from his house seeing Lewis at the door watching as the car pulled away.

February 2003

-Lewis, this is not going to work. I better give up. Anyway, you can be my personal driver. -I said pulling the handbrake and turning off the car.

-None of that, come on, I said I was going to teach you how to drive and that's what we're going to do today.

-I changed my mind, I'm going to cancel the test. Look, I'm shaking and I haven't even walked 20 meters. -I was actually shaking, seeing people driving makes it look easy but in reality, it is far from it.

-Angie. -Lewis took his hand from his lap and placed it on top of mine, which was resting on the gearshift of his dad's Chevrolet. Physical contact with us is nothing new, and I can no longer imagine my life without his friendship. -Calm down, you'll make it, I'll teach you how to drive and you'll pass this test.

I sighed in defeat, I want that so much, and I have to take advantage of Lewis' free time and his kindness to teach me. 

I started the car and released the handbrake. 

-You know what to do. Step on the clutch and engage first gear. -I thanked the universe for Lewis being the calmest person I know, if it was any of my parents here I would already be crying. I did as he said. -Now release the clutch and accelerate slowly.

-That's the problem, Lew. 

-Come on, after a while, this will be automatic for you. 

I started to drive the car and this time it was better than the last, little by little I gained confidence and saw that it wasn't such a big deal. By the end of the day, I was able to stay calm and drive a few miles without freaking out.

❀

I thanked her for the ride and jumped out of my mother's car, barely able to contain my smile. I run to the front door of the house that became my second home, rang the bell, and waited patiently until the door opened. Luckily it was Lewis on the other side of the door. 

-So? How it was? Did you pass? - His eyes were bigger than usual and he looked at me with a lot of curiosity.

I tried to keep my face serious for some suspense but I couldn't hold it for a second.

-Yes! Officially qualified. -I showed him my newest driver's license. Lewis pulled me into a long hug. -Thanks Lew, I couldn't have done it without you.

-Yes, you would. I knew you would do fine. -He pulled away from the hug and looked at me with affection. -Now I have someone to take me to the next race.

October 2003

-Are you sure I can go to this party? 

Our hands were intertwined, which is new, but I have nothing to complain about it. 

-Of course Ang, it's a party of a friend from school but it's not exclusive to those who study there, relax.

I could already hear the loud music coming from the house at the end of the street, I didn't know if I was shivering from the cold or anxiety. Maybe I shouldn't have chosen such a short dress for an evening party. It's my first time at a party this big, and Lewis looks as relaxed as ever.

-Angie, I can hear your thoughts from here. -Lewis chuckled and squeezed his hand in mine. -It's just a party, and if you don't like it, we can leave whenever you want, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. And I will always be around.

-Okay then. -Lewis is the only person who can calm me down with so little. 

We entered the house, which was already full, and Lewis soon found his friends from school. He introduced me to everyone and I didn't take long to make friends, which was good, I didn't wanna hang around Lewis all night without letting him have fun with his friends. There was a lot of booze and I had one or two, I've been drinking alcohol for a while now, so I wasn't even close to drunk. Lewis came to check on me from time to time.

After some time talking and drinking I went up to the second floor to use the bathroom. The floor was empty, with all the doors closed except for one at the end of the hall. I thought I heard Lewis's voice coming from there so I went to the door and opened it all the way to enter. He was there, it was a room without any furniture, Lewis was leaning against the balcony, with his phone on his ear.

-Okay. Don't worry, I'll take care of everything at home. Alright, see you Sunday then dad. Bye.

Lewis hung up the phone and turned into the room, he didn't look surprised to see me standing by the door. 

-Is everything okay?

I asked as I entered the room for good, I pushed the door but it didn't close completely. Lewis called me over and I went to him. He wrapped an arm around my neck and pulled me closer. 

-Yes. My dad, Linda, and Nicholas are going to Linda's parent's house for the weekend so I have the whole house to myself now.

-That’s good. -My head was leaning on his chest and I had my eyes closed. Lewis's hand came to my chin and lifted my face, placing it just inches from his. Lewis sealed our lips calmly, and it didn't take long to deepen the kiss. It's not the first time that this happened, we've kissed before, but never like this. This time it's like there's something behind it like it's for real this time. And it's really, really good.

Soon I wrapped my arms around his neck and Lewis placed his hands on my waist, giving the area a light squeeze.

We kissed for a long time, and when I opened my eyes, I had to get used to the clarity coming from the street again.

Lewis hugged me and I felt like I could stay there forever.

-Are you going to crash at my place today?

I froze in his arms and hoped he hadn't noticed. I've slept over at Lewis's several times before, but I know what this question means right now. I know that Lewis has had some experience before, and I also know that I want to have my first time with him. But even though, it's impossible not to feel nervous.

-You know that nothing will happen if you are not 100% prepared for it, Angie. 

-I know. 

-And we don't even need to do anything, I just think you should sleep there because you told your parents you'd sleep at Annie's today and if you get home at one in the morning they won't like it one bit. 

I smiled at his concern and nodded, still hugging him.

-It’s okay. I do want to sleep there anyway.

After that conversation we were absorbed in something else, so we didn't take much longer to leave the party.

Lewis' house was just a few blocks away, so we walked back together. We exchanged a few words now and then but I was too anxious to have any type of conversation.

❀

Lewis is lying next to me. I am nervous. I'm not naive, I know what's about to happen, we've talked about it before and I feel ready. But as much as I'm nervous I'm also very sure about it. I feel safe and desired by his side. I feel that now is the time and I don't want to wait for another second. But even though, I think fear is normal.

-Are you okay? -Lewis was leaning on his arm, facing me. 

I was laying down, looking up. I nodded and moved my head to see him, he was very close to me. The room was dark but the moonlight outside was more than enough for me to see it perfectly. He looked beautiful, traces of the agitated evening at the party were on his skin that glowed even in the slightest light, he looked happy, he didn't seem to want to be anywhere else.

Lewis approached and sealed our lips very calmly. It didn't take long for me to try to deepen the kiss, which was immediately consented with a small laugh from him. Kissing has become my favorite thing to do with him, not that I have a lot of experience but his kiss is amazing.

The kiss was getting deeper and deeper, I was restless, searching for more, Lewis on the other hand was completely calm, and in no hurry at all. Eventually and finally his hand that wasn't supporting his head left his lap and found my waist, squeezing the place and bringing me closer to him, then moving down and going to my ass, where he stayed for a few moments.

I was hot, and I could feel my heart beating in my throat, I was nervous but more than right about my decision. I felt my intimacy hot and wet, I wanted him to touch me but I didn't know how I could ask for that. He was kissing me like never before, there was something else there that had never been explored inside of me.

-Angie. -Lewis cut the kiss and left his lips millimeters from mine, he was a little breathless and I think as nervous as I was. I looked at him and waited for the continuation, I wanted him to speak soon because I wanted to go back to kiss him. -Can I touch you?

My heart jumped, what I wanted was finally going to happen, and with the right person, the person who showed me what love is when I didn't even know it was possible to feel that kind of thing. I nodded at him. 

- Honey, I need to hear you say. 

-Yes Lewis. Please touch me

He didn't take long to put his hands between my legs, always very calmly and carefully. My dress was short so it had already gone up and the fabric rested on my belly. Lewis put my panties aside and I was exposed to him. 

-Let me know if you want me to stop, okay? 

-Okay.

Lewis touched me, it was like an electric current went through my whole body, I didn't know I wanted that contact so much until I had it. Both I and Lewis sighed. I leaned in and brought our lips together again. Now the kiss was awkward and almost disjointed, as our attentions were somewhere else. I wanted to be able to touch him too, but I could barely think about how I would do it. I had to keep myself from moaning and begging him to go faster. Lewis fingered my clit patiently, even with me rubbing in his hand he kept the same rhythm. I could feel him smiling during the kiss.

Lewis trailed his kisses to my neck, then to my collarbone, his hand still on me. 

-I want to see all of you. -He said very close to my ear, which caused me more shivers than I thought it was possible. 

-Please do. -I wanted to give him what he wanted, I wanted him to see me, kiss me, and tell me how beautiful I look to him.

Lewis then took his hand away from me, I moaned complaining and he laughed. 

-Calm down darling. I'll be back to give you what you want. 

Lewis pulled my dress up and I helped him to take it off, he watched me for a few seconds, I wasn't wearing a bra so I ended up totally exposed to his gaze. I didn't feel ashamed, I wanted him to look at me, so I just lay back down while looking at him.

Lewis, in turn, returned to kiss my collarbone, moving towards my breasts, where he stayed for a while. 

-You are perfect. -His lips went down to my belly, and soon Lewis was already positioned between my legs. He pulled my panties off and got rid of them, throwing them somewhere in the room. He lay down between me and looked at me, waiting for another consent. I looked at him and nodded as if to tell him to go ahead and do it.

And he did it.

Oh yes he did it.

The moan I was trying to keep was released as soon as I felt his tongue touching me. It was the best sensation in the world, Lewis started slow but soon intensified, I moved under him trying to make the most of what he has given to me. One of his hands went from holding my waist to between my legs, where he slowly placed a finger inside me. That didn't hurt, it was the opposite, I almost screamed with pleasure. I was grateful that we were alone, I don't know if I could hold back my sound.

With one finger inside me, Lewis started to make a move and that sent me over the edge, my legs start shaking and I couldn't think straight, I just wanted him with me. He climbed up to me and kissed me with hunger, there was strength and it was almost instinctual. I took my hand to his shirt and helped him take it off. Soon after I took my hand and touched him over his pants, I could feel the exaggerated bulge, I had no idea how to do that but I wanted to be able to touch him.

Lewis got rid of his pants and underwear and positioned himself on top of me. I saw his size and for the first time that night, I felt a certain apprehension. What he seemed to realize. 

-I'll go slowly, you tell me if you want me to take it off. But it will probably hurt a little in the begging. But I promise you I'll be careful. 

-Okay.

Lewis kissed me before putting himself between my legs and slowly penetrating me. I pulled his face down to my neck, not wanting him to see the discomfort on my face. At first, it did hurt, but I knew it would be like this, and I didn't wanted to stop, I wanted him inside me. I mentally thanked the universe when I realized he was already all in, Lewis stayed there for a minute until I got used to his size. Gradually he began to move, which started very slowly and then gained more speed. The pain that was almost unbearable at first gave way to immense pleasure.

-You good? - He looked at me again. I nodded and pressed our lips together tightly. In a short time, we were already in a rhythm that was good for both of us, I moaned low in his ear and I could feel his breath on mine, it was much better than I imagined it would be. At one point Lewis accelerated and started moaning, I knew he was almost there. Only then did I realize that we did everything without any protection.

-Lew, take it off, we're not wearing a condom. 

He didn't seem to hear it at first but ended up granting my request and came out of me, in my abdomen.

Lewis kissed me and stayed between my legs for a while. Then he got up and pulled me with him into the bathroom, we cleaned up and went back to bed. I pulled the blanket over us and snuggled into his lap, our clothes lying on the floor of his room with no intention of being picked.

-How do you feel? -He asked after a few minutes that we were lying down. 

-Impure. - I felt Lewis laughing below me and I laughed with him. It wasn't true, I felt good, happy to have done this with the boy that I love. -I'm kidding. I feel great, it was much better than I imagined it would be. And I'm glad it was with you. 

I lifted my head from his chest and looked at him, Lewis was beautiful in that light, I joined our lips again in a quick kiss and went back to lay on his chest, as much as I wanted to extend that night, the tiredness was already consuming me and I couldn't stand much more awake. 

-I love you. -It was the last thing I heard that night before falling asleep.

December 2005

-You look beautiful in your graduation gown and cape. 

We were sitting on the living room floor of my house, surrounded by pizza and beers. We came here after my graduation ceremony, where we knew we'd be alone since my parents went traveling. I used the money they left as an apology for not attending my graduation to buy us pizza and drinks.

-I don't ever want to take it off. I feel good in this. I feel important. 

Lewis smiled and pulled me closer to him.

-Do you know what you're going to do now? -I relax in his lap and it took me a few seconds to answer him.

-I know what I want to do. I'm going to try to get into that college I told you about, I will apply for it next year. I love fashion design, and I want to do it in the city of my dreams, it would be perfect if I was accepted. But don't worry, until then I'll still live by your side.

Lewis remains in silence for a long time before answering me. 

-This is in France, isn't it? 

-Yes. In Paris. At least I took my French lessons seriously. -I chuckled and lifted my face to look at him. But Lewis wasn't smiling, on the opposite, his face was frowning. 

-Is there a problem?

-There are great fashion colleges in London, where you would be closer. -Lewis took his hand from my waist, where it had been resting for some time. I pulled away from him, sitting down in front of him.

-I know. But Paris has always been a dream, you know that. And knowing that it's possible just made me even more excited. 

Lewis didn't look happy at all, and that pissed me off. 

-I don't think it's a good idea. Going to the other side of the continent alone and venturing out like that doesn't sound right.

-You're talking like my father. - I held myself back from rolling my eyes at that conversation.

-Maybe your father is right, Angie. Have you ever thought about it? 

-No Lewis. He's not, he's never been right about anything. 

I got up and went to the kitchen, I wanted to escape that conversation, I never thought that Lewis would react like that, I never thought that he would be upset that I wanted to follow my dream. I took off my cap and poured myself a glass of water, my mouth was dry.

-Angie, please. I'm just saying that things are more complicated than they appear. The world is not the way you think it is. 

-And why don't you let me figure this out on my own? 

He was standing in the kitchen doorway while I was leaning against the sink, facing him.

-Cause I care about you. I don't want you to regret doing something crazy like that. 

I Laugh without humor. 

-Look at you. You're running for formula 3. How many times have you been told it's crazy and you should give up? Now you come and tell me that?! Are you kidding me?!

-Angie listen...

-No Lewis! You listen. What you want is for me to be here waiting for you while you travel the world with your perfect driver's life. 

I realized that my tone was higher than usual so I tried to calm down.

-There's nothing in this world I want more than that, Lew.

-Not even me?

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I looked at him in disbelief.

-You will not do this to me, Lewis. -I felt my eyes burning. -You would never stop running for me, don't make me abandon my dream to live yours.

Lewis fell silent, his frustrated expression replaced by a thoughtful one. He didn't look at me, I don't think he even paid attention to the environment. 

-You're right. I can't create expectations about you waiting for me here. You have all the right to live your life and go after your dreams. -Lewis looked at me but he didn't even take a step toward me, he was nervous and I could deduce that just by looking at him. There's nothing worse for me than fighting with Lewis. -But do you think it will work? The two of us, when we leave here? 

-I don't know.

February 2006 

-I still can't believe it. - I couldn't get the smile off my face. 

-Well, believe me, this is going to become routine now that you graduated and I have you free for me for a while. 

We were walking through Monza airport, we came for the first stage of the formula 3 championship. The race will only be in 5 days, but Lewis managed to convince everyone that he needed to come earlier to "prepare", even if that preparation means eating a lot and drinking wine every night on his staff bill.

I couldn't help but snap pictures from the moment we walked out of the airport to our hotel check-in, where we were both trying not to look shocked by the size of it all. 

-No fucking way! -I was discredited in that place. And Lewis didn't look any different. The hotel room was more like an apartment than a bedroom. -Lewis, there's a living room inside our hotel room.

At this point, I had already explored every corner of the place. 

-I'll never get used to this. -Lewis was smiling from ear to ear. 

It was at that moment that I stopped paying attention to the immensity of that room and looked at him. His smile managed to move me, the way Lewis was sincerely happy with how his life was unfolding made me more than proud to have seen it all happen up close. As much as he still has a lot of things to conquer, all of this already seems huge close to where he started. The realization of my privilege to be by his side at a time like this hit me and I couldn't help the emotion in my eyes, which he soon noticed.

-Honey, are you okay? -His smile faded a little at his concern. 

-Yes, everything is perfect. -I walked over to him and snuggled into his arms. -I'm just happy. -I didn't tell him but part of the reason for the tears in my eyes was fear, fear of separating, fear of him forgetting me if I go to college, and fear of leaving him and then regretting it. My anxieties related to our future have been keeping me awake for a long time, and as much as I don't talk about it with him, I know he's not much different from me.

-I have an idea. -Lewis said after a few minutes that we were hugging in the middle of that giant room. He broke our embrace and went to the phone. 

-What are you going to d... 

-Hi, my wife and I wanted to order room service. Right. Can you bring a bottle of champagne? Yeah, anyone is fine. Actually, the best bottle you have. Yes. And we also want a portion of fries. That's all. this is charged to whoever booked the room right? Ah yes, so it will be two bottles then. Right, thanks.

When Lewis put the phone back down I was laughing so hard I could barely stand. He got up and walked over to me, giving me his hand.

-So I'm your wife? -I said with a smile on my lips.

-One day. And it's going to be huge the way you deserve it. But meanwhile, we pretend for a week that we're married and spending a few days in Italy, as usual. - I sealed our lips with a smile on my face and a lump in my throat.

October 2006 

We looked at the telephone with a high expectation that it would ring at any second with the news we had been waiting for some time. The anxiety was so big that we couldn't even talk for more than a few minutes without stopping to pay attention to the yellow telephone in his house. Me, Linda, and Nicholas were in the living room waiting for Lewis and Anthony, who were in a meeting with McLaren, a meeting that would determine if the place as second driver in the team was going to be his for the next year.

From Stevenage to Woking it was just an hour trip, but I made lewis promise me that he would call with the answer of the team before he get home, whether it was good or bad news.

As much as we'd been waiting, when the phone finally rang, we jumped in alarmed. Linda didn't take a second to answer. I saw her face go from fear to pure happiness, and then we exploded in joy. Of course he made it. We started celebrating even before they got home. We spent hours celebrating, and for the first time I saw Lewis and Anthony really moved, I wanted to cry with them. After all the sacrifice he finally got the result he deserved. 

Lewis would be a formula 1 driver. the best driver ever.

December 2006

I've already lost the track of time. We've been in this room for hours. I've watched night turn into day and still I refuse to fall asleep and stop noticing his presence and our contact. I've counted his heartbeats and his light breathing for what seemed like hours. We don't have anything to talk about it anymore. We ignore his father calling us to dinner because the feeling is that if someone moves, everything will be over faster. I don't want to leave, but I have to. And so does he.

The last few months were more than perfect, being by his side and accompanying him in his races was better than I imagined it would be, I got to know several countries and saw Lewis conquering and standing out more and more in his sport and that couldn't have made me more proud and happy for my love. But it came to an end as we knew it would one day. Since the fight, we haven't talked about our relationship and our future, we decided to talk about it later, but that “later” never came.

The letter from the college was there the day I returned from a trip with him and we opened it together. Lewis was happy for me, or at least he tried to be, but that hug felt more like an embrace of losst than one of pride and happiness.

So I left my bags packed, waiting for me at home, while I ran the blocks to his house at the end of the street and asked for a few minutes with him since I had to go back home soon because of my flight the next morning. But the minutes turned into hours, hours of talking but not about our future, hours of lovemaking, and now hours of absolute silence as we lay together.

-I have to go. -I didn't feel the words coming out of my mouth, it was like someone else was speaking for me. How dare you open your mouth and disturb a moment like this?! 

-I know. -Lewis didn't move, his arms were still around my body.

-Lew...

Lewis finally let go of me, now he was looking at me, we were still lying down, so close together that we seemed to be one single being. I could see the shine in his eyes through the tears that threatened to fall, I opened my mouth to tell him that everything was going to be okay, but I knew that was a lie. Lewis sealed our lips painfully, our kiss soon deepened and there was a moment when I didn't know if the tears I felt on my face were mine or his.

We already were without any clothes from all the lovemaking moments before, but it didn't feel like enough, it would never feel like enough as we had our minds on what was going to come next. Lewis put himself inside me and we didn't break our kiss even for a second, few birds were singing outside, since it was only five in the morning, and the only sound in the room was our irregular breathing.

There was almost no rhythm in our movements, but that wasn't about pleasure, that was our inexplicable connection in the purest form there was, I wanted to be able to merge with him and not go anywhere, but I know that I’ll never forgive myself if don't leave this place to live my dream. Even though this place has become my private paradise. I can't believe that for a moment I thought Stevenage was a boring place, nothing is boring with him by my side, and it hurts so much to imagine what will be of “us”.

I don't know when it ended, but soon we were just holding each other, our naked chests pressed together, both breathless and trying to hold back the tears. 

-I love you. -The whisper was so low that I almost didn't hear it even with the room completely silent. -I will not leave you. Never.

-I love you too. But you know that's not true. -Lewis wrinkled his eyebrows and opened his mouth to answer but I cut him off. -Please don't make this any harder than it already is. We both know what's going to happen, and I could never blame you for that Lew.

-We can see each other, I can go to Paris whenever I'm not running, and then you come to me when you have some time off.

-Lewis. Please. -I sat on his mattress and looked at him seriously, Lewis looked like a child begging me with his eyes so I wouldn't hurt his feelings. -You are going to be a great driver at McLaren, you know it, I know it, everybody knows it. And when that happens your life will change completely and I will only be a small part of your past. And it's okay. But please don't make me a promise that you know you won't keep.

-Let me have a chance to try. 

I wanted to force myself to answer and say that there was no way, but I couldn't, I couldn't because deep down I wanted it to be true, I wanted him to find some way to make our relationship work even though he was so far away from me in the biggest part of the time. So I nodded. I agreed with the idea even though I knew that in the end, it would be even more difficult and painful for us. As it was.

Lewis left me at home, I lost count of how many times I tried to get away from his embrace and I couldn't, we only separated because I really needed to go to the airport. But not before confirming my new phone number with him at least 20 times. I promised that I would call him as soon as I got there and that we would have a talk about the future of our relationship.

❀

We have talked to each other every day since my arrival in Paris, in the first days we spent hours on the phone, but over time we had to reduce our daily conversations, due to all the commitments that surrounded us. 

Lewis was training every day and I was getting ready for the start of classes, everything was very new and different and I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't know how to get used to everything. But at the same time, I was excited to find out. 

March 2007 

For a moment at the beginning of those days, I truly believed that his plan would work, this long-distance relationship thing. Lewis was willing to keep his promise and every day I believed more that it would work, since it was “just a little more time until we see each other again”. But things are not always as we imagine, we were innocent to believe that it would work for so long. 

We didn't even know when we would see each other again, there was no going back, this is our life now, a life where the other doesn't fit anymore. I had to pretend to myself that I didn't care and understood when he didn't pick up, or when he spoke differently to me because he was clearly too busy to talk. I couldn't be this bitch who thinks it's bad that he doesn't have time for me when he was literally living his biggest dream. All of this is much bigger than us.

Eventually, I found out about his Formula 1 accomplishments on the internet, or through his stepmother who still called me every week to see how I was doing. Since most of the time, he forgot to talk to me or text me or whatever.

Lewis had not spoken to me for some time, I tried to call him but I always ended up in voicemail with a message from him shortly afterward apologizing and saying he would call me as soon as he could. But those calls didn't come as quickly as I wish. But every time his number called me, my heart still jumped and filled with joy at being able to hear his voice, even if in the end it ended up hurting me even more.

I knew what came would come eventually, I knew my fall would be a big one, but I didn't expect it to hurt so much, they say if you expect the worst you won't be disappointed, but that's bullshit.

I got on social media that day and came across the news that I knew would come sooner or later. He was with someone else. Comfortable next to her as if he did not doubt his feelings, as if he hadn't promised me at least to try. I thought to myself that I already knew this was going to happen, but I still felt really bad. I was still trying to assimilate what I was reading when his name jumped on my phone screen, the call I had been waiting for days, but this time my reaction wasn't happiness, I felt like I was going to throw up.

I ignored his call and went to my dorm, the conversation about us that never happened would happen now, and in the worst possible moment. I wanted to calm down to talk to him but Lewis insisted on talking to me right then and there. My phone kept vibrating as I sat on the small sofa in my room, trying to control my breathing so I wouldn't end up having a panic attack or something. He knew I knew, that's why he was calling me, to explain himself, or to end whatever kind of relationship we have, at this point I don't know anymore.

I took a deep breath before answering his fifth call. I accepted the call but didn't say anything, trying my best to postpone the conversation.

"Angie?" 

"Hi." My voice came out almost in a whisper.

"Are you okay?" I could hear in the background that he was in a bustling place. 

"Yes.”

"Good."

"Good."

For a moment I thought he wasn't going to say anything else, maybe he was waiting for me to start the conversation, but I didn't even know where to start. 

"Listen, I don't know if you saw it." 

"Oh, I saw it." 

"I just wanted to tell you that..." 

"You don't have to tell me anything. I told you this would happen, didn't I?"

I could barely feel my body, the blood was running through my veins fast enough to make me tingle. 

"Angie." 

"We could have spared this if you'd listened to me. But you insisted, and you asked me to trust you. And I trusted you, Lewis."

"I told you we would try, and we are trying." 

"I don't think what you're doing could be seen as trying." 

He took a few seconds to respond, I could hear his breathing even over the background noise.

"We never talked about exclusivity." 

"We never talked about anything, Lewis. You've always avoided that kind of conversation with me from the moment you found out we were going to split up." 

"That's not true."

"You know it is. We were naive and you know it. And you know what's worst of all? I can't even blame you, Lewis. I can't as much as I want to and this is killing me right now”.

I had to take a deep breath before proceeding because of the tears that were already burning my eyes. 

"I'll tell you what I should have said from the beginning, but I was stupid and I thought for a moment that this was going to work. Go ahead, go live your life. You know I don't fit in with this anymore. We have nothing to do with each other anymore. You took a path and I took another, things happen, what are we after all? Just childhood sweethearts and everyone knows that kind of thing doesn't go forward."

"’Just’? Are you going to sum up everything we've had into that?"

"It is what it is. I told you it was all going to end up being a small part of your past. We were kids, and we still are. And everything tends to be a lot more exciting when there's no prior experience."

"So that's it?" 

"That's it, that's all it was and all it could have been. Do what you wanted to do from the beginning, focus on your career -I laugh humorlessly. -And your perfect new girl, while I'm going to focus on my life. But please, please, don't look for me anymore. Cause I won't be able to move on with you in my life like a ghost."

"Angie…" I could almost hear his thoughts. There was a lot said in that silence that I would never actually hear. But I didn't have to, I was also feeling the same thing as him, as usual.

"I'm sorry." 

"It's okay Lew."

We stayed on the line for a while without saying anything, just listening to our breaths, trying to stay together even if separated for a little longer, attaching to what was already gone. I don't know who had the initiative to hang up first, but eventually, it ended, what I had almost my whole life ended, what I never thought would end.

And that was it, the boy I fell in love with and promised I would have forever has gone, without questioning, after just a few minute's phone call.

I know I can get over it, I hope that in a short time he really just becomes a good memory of my past, but not for now. For now, I'm broken and have no idea how to get out of this room and move on with my life. I know this will have to happen one day, but not today.

#lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton fluff #lewis hamilton smut #f1 x reader #smut fanfiction #fanfiction #au fanfiction #formula one fanfiction #lewis hamilton fanfiction #fluff #formula one #Spotify

[shina913]

Flowerworks | KNJ

Flowerworks

Pairing: Namjoon x Fem!Reader

Rating: M (SFW)

Genre: Exes; pure angst; fluff

Warnings: a lot of angst; pining; meet-cute; suggestive language; missed opportunities; vague infidelity

Word count: 4,241 words

Summary: “The love you had in your past...unfinished, untested, lost love...seems so easy, so childish to those who chose to settle down. But it’s actually the purest, most concentrated stuff.”

A/N: This story was inspired by an anthology series that I had binged while I had Covid back in January this year. For a while, I've been wanting to do a rendition of that but I wasn't sure which member to 'cast.' But Indigo has such a great inspiration so I've revisited this draft and thought Namjoon would be the perfect angsty main character here. Also, Kelly Price's rendition of As We Lay was a good inspo for this as well, except it's got none of the spicy stuff and you're left with all angst!

A/N2: I've never been to the UK or Europe 🤡 so a lot of this is just talking out of my ass hoping it would make for an interesting backdrop. I apologize for any geographical inaccuracies. This isn't the first time I've mentioned Juan Luna in my fics--I just thought, wouldn't it be cool if Namjoon studied Filipino impressionists🤪. Anyway, hope the story still lands! 💙

“Thank you so much for the presentation, Dr. YLN. It was so refreshing to hear a new take on a subject that’s so rarely…uhm, what’s the word…”

“Discussed? Thought of?” You finish their sentence for them. You smile warmly at a young journalist who was covering your lecture as part of a feature piece they were doing for a magazine. After the program ended, they decided to come up for a side conversation.

“Yes, that’s right,” the journalist says. “Your perspective is so fascinating to me. I mean–when we were in grade school, these lessons were just so repetitive and boring. It’s practically a bird course,” they chuckled.

“Right, because you’re supposed to just fly right through it?” You joked. You, too, had that impression when you were much younger. 

“Your research style is so much more interesting. I was elated to find out that you’re the historical consultant on that ‘Ilustrados’ series!”

You tried your best to stay humble but deep down, you were still pinching yourself about getting to work with a major studio and top-tier production team. “I saw it as a great opportunity for us history and literature majors to flex a little, you know?” Then you caught yourself and laughed. “Oh my god, that sounded so nerdy,” you flushed.

“Not at all! Don’t be too modest,” they giggled. “I think it’s great that we get to give stories like this a new angle.”

You smiled and mouthed your thanks.

“I’m curious, do you remember what or who inspired you to pursue history as one of your fields of expertise?”

You grew flustered then blew out a quick breath. “Wow, uhm…nobody’s ever asked me that!”

“I don’t have to include it,” the journalist adds.

Your brows furrowed. “Include what?”

“That story that’s written all over your face,” they say with a knowing look.

“Oh, well…I think I’ve always been on track to study literature in some shape or form. That was my chosen major in college. Pursuing a career in history, however…was a happy accident,” you recall fondly.

They smiled excitedly. “Please tell me more,” they urged.

You stifle a grin. It was one of, if not the most unforgettable time in your life. If you could ever capture lightning in a bottle–that was the moment to do it.

You began, “He was an art history major spending a year in France while I was a language and literature major spending a semester in London. I met him while on holiday at a cafe in Paris–” 

“Hang on! I think I’ve heard this story before!” They interject.

You give them a confused look. Up until this moment, you’ve only spoken about him to your former flatmate and a couple of close friends. “Y-you have?” You ask slowly.

They let out a soft chuckle. “I’m sorry, I’m kidding! Is that real?”

You laughed. “Yes, yes it is!”

“You know, most people are like–we met in college, lost touch for a while, then ran into each other on the street years later and had coffee.”

“Well…it does sound like quite the Hallmark movie plot, huh? The place we were at was certainly the perfect backdrop for it,” you smiled at the memory. “But, as unbelievable as it sounds, if it weren’t for him sparking my…” You cleared your throat, “...Enthusiasm in the subject and history in general–I wouldn’t be in this position today.”

It was indeed a serendipitous time in Paris, which began as a casual encounter over drinks, then eventually led to hours of exploring historic art districts with him. The day trips around the city certainly brought your interest in history to a whole different level.

“W-what happened to him?”

You shrug your shoulders. “After my break, I had to return to London. He wanted to come with me but he had some travel commitments with his fellow students. We agreed to meet at my place but–it just…didn’t work out for some reason.”

The journalist listened intently, indulging you in your story.

“I don’t know what happened. I thought we had a great connection. I mean, wasn’t that as perfect an opening to a relationship that you can get? Back then, I would go back and forth trying to think about how different it felt for me than it did for him.” 

For a moment, you felt yourself slip again. But as you had done for the past several years, you smiled and shook your head to brush the memory aside to lock it away. Then, at your most vulnerable, you can unpack it again. You wave them off, “Anyway, that was such a long time ago, though!”

“How long?” They ask curiously.

“10 years,” another voice answered.

For that fraction of a second, your heart drops to your stomach, and you’re afraid to look up. This has to be another figment of your imagination. Still, you couldn’t help thinking about the times you wished to hear that voice again.

The journalist steps aside to clear the path. You finally peer up, blinking a few times to assure yourself that this was real.

There he was, standing in front of you–your lightning in a bottle…Namjoon. He had the biggest smile on his face and it was just as warm and bright as you remember it. 

Suddenly feeling that they’ve intruded in a special moment, the journalist excuses themself and thanks you for the lovely conversation, promising to send you the initial draft of their feature via email.

As stunned as you were, you managed to string some words together. “I can’t believe it’s really you.”

“Hello, YN,” Namjoon greeted you as he moved closer.

“H-hi.” You were shocked to hear how calm your voice sounded when all you wanted to do was melt into a puddle.

You both stand in front of each other not knowing whether to shake hands or hug. Before you knew it, you were throwing your arms around his neck to embrace him. You feel his warmth envelop you, hearing him sigh faintly into your hair.

“It’s been a long time,” you say after pulling away. “Weren’t we supposed to meet in London?”

//FLASHBACK

When you met in Paris, he was only one of the handful of patrons who spoke English at the cafe. You don’t know how exactly your conversation began, but he started spouting some facts about craft beer as opposed to wine–and tried to convince you that one was better than the other.

After a few spirited arguments, you agreed to settle things…back at his flat, which was a block away from the cafe. Your worked out your differences in opinions in bed, eventually agreeing to disagree after he made you orgasm.

He later confessed that the spontaneous debate was a pickup tactic from him. He thought he was being clever but never expected you to offer up some valid points. But you told him that you thought he was cute so you were all-too-willing to be reeled in anyway.

Though you were on break, he was in the middle of his school term and had to spend time traveling within the city to check out recommended sites to fulfill his course requirements. 

He invited you to come with him on a day trip to check out the former studio of an artist who turned out to be instrumental in their home country's rebellion. You were apprehensive but came with an open mind--and you never regretted it.

You spent the evening at his place once more...and a few more times after that. Your favorite thing was waking up next him in the mornings, exchanging innocent kisses in bed that always escalated to the point where one or both of you would end up moaning each other's name.

But when you weren’t in bed, you spent many hours just talking. He was so passionate about his studies as much as you were about yours. The way he spoke about art, its origins, and inspirations was so reverent, it was fascinating to experience a drop of his enthusiasm.

The day you had to return to London was difficult, not just for you but for him, too. He and a few of his fellow students were supposed to travel to Rouen and spend a few days there to check out some impressionist exhibits recommended by their teacher. He planned to take the ferry to visit you right after.

When you arrived at the train station, he noticed that he lost his phone somewhere between the ride from his flat to this point. You dug into your bag and retrieved an old receipt where you wrote your number and address down. He took it and slid it in between his book that he carried with him. Then, on the week that you were supposed to meet, the borders shut down.

//END FLASHBACK

“I’m sorry I’m late.”

“Mm-hm…you better be,” you respond wryly.

He rubbed at the back of his neck sheepishly. “I, uh…missed my alarm then, got caught up in the border lockdown. Before I knew it, I was stranded in Normandy for a bit before the school managed to make arrangements to get us back to Paris then back home.”

You’ll never forget it, since you, too, were stuck in a foreign land so far away from family.

“How come you never called?” It was a question that niggled at you for years.

He chewed at his bottom lip helplessly. “In the midst of all the chaos, I misplaced my book–the one where I kept that receipt where you wrote down your information.”

That all sounded too easy and far-fetched. But in the week that you spent with him, it wasn’t that hard to believe. He nearly left his passport behind at the bar that first night before going back to his flat; Once, he got off at the wrong stop after mixing up north and southbound trains.

You sighed. “Well…you’re here now. That’s all that matters, right? How did you know I’d be here?”

He smiled wistfully. “I saw your picture in one of our e-newsletters I get at work,” he answers. “I normally send those straight to my trash but something told me that I needed to take a look at it and…I’m sure glad that I did.”

That made your heart flutter. You made a mental note to thank the university’s Communications team for convincing you to do a headshot to promote the lecture series.

“Do you live around the area? Are you local?”

He shook his head gently. “No. I made the trip out here because I wanted to come see you.”

Your mouth falls open at his confession. “O-oh.”

“I wondered if I could take you out for dinner? There’s a bistro that I passed not too far from here. U-unless…you’ve already eaten–”

You snorted loudly then interjected, “Oh, please–you know I could always eat!” He laughs hysterically.

******

“Have you ever gone back?”

His eyes flick up at your question but the look he gave told you that you didn’t need to clarify it further.

“Mm-hm,” he answered affirmatively before adding, “Not as often as I’d like, though. And you?”

“Yeah,” you reply. “Actually, a year after travel restrictions eased up, I went back right away.”

His eyebrows lifted. “Really?”

You nod and look at him enigmatically. “I went straight to Villa Dupont.”

Remembering the area so clearly, his lips twitch at the thought. “Luna’s atelier?”

You nodded again. He sat back on his chair then interlocked his fingers behind his neck before he tilted his head against them. “Wow. That’s…amazing!”

“What can I say? That’s where my career started,” you quipped.

“And here I was, thinking that I was such an idiot for taking this beautiful girl on the most boring, mind-numbing walking tour of Asian impressionist artists.”

You both laughed, but those walks with him were one of the best memories of your time there.

“Anyway, I came back a few more times after that for my doctoral dissertation. And now here I am, giving lectures on it.”

The look on his face showed pride and admiration. All those hours you spent talking, you both shared your dreams and hopes for the future. You both had your head in the clouds…just two kids trying to justify the relevance of your respective liberal arts programs.

“That’s amazing. Consider me envious,” he says in jest. “You’re traveling around the world…and living your dream.”

You wave him off. “It’s not so glamorous. These days, I’m happy if I get to squeeze in some personal time. Usually, I get to a place, spend most of my time working and…” Your eyes drift down to your left hand, picking up your drink, “...then I have to get back to my family.”

He follows your line of vision. It wasn’t the first time he’s clocked in the piece of jewelry you’ve worn for a number of years now. He noticed it when you took the menu from the host after they sat you down at your table. 

He hadn’t asked about it then, nor did you ask him about the ring that he wore on his finger when he moved his wine glass to the edge of the table when the server returned to pour him a glass of red wine.

You cleared your throat. “So, what else have you been up to these days? Are you just calling up former lovers?” You teased him.

A low laugh rumbled within his chest. “I’ve only ever had one former lover,” he held up one finger and stared. It was so unnerving, you had to break eye contact first. “Then, I got married. Really quickly…to the first girl that I met a year after I got back from France.”

You couldn’t hide the shock written all over your face. “Wow,” you managed to say. “That’s…” You try to think of a word that didn’t sound too reproachful. 

“Crazy? Impulsive? Yes. I was really young and I thought the world was ending. I just didn’t want to lose anybody again.” he trailed off. 

You and your husband were together for five years before you even thought about getting married. Maybe you were unconsciously holding out hope that you’d run into Namjoon again.

You swallowed the lump in your throat and smiled sadly at the thought, but that was quickly interrupted by the server bringing your dinner to the table.

******

You go through the rest of dinner talking about your most recent work and him sharing some of his more recent projects. When the server returns to dish out your plates, they ask about dessert. Namjoon declined but immediately looked at you.

“Oh, no thank you,” you declined politely.

Namjoon’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Who are you? I could have sworn that moelleux au chocolat was calling your name,” he teases, remembering your favorite treat that you indulged in while you were together.

“Shut up,” you laughed. “We’re not 21 anymore. You can’t…eat chocolate cake just like that.”

“Not even in bed?” The soft crinkle in his eyes deepened as he smiled cheekily. 

You try to put aside those memories of chocolate and him. You cock a serious eyebrow at him, his expression unchanging. “Nope, not even in bed.”

You fall silent for a bit. Then he asks, “How many kids do you have?”

“Two girls. You?”

“I have a son,” he answers.

“Must be blissful to just have one,” you commented, polishing off your wine.

“Oh, trust me,” he says, picking up the bottle to pour you another glass but you hold your hand up, feeling like you’ve had more than enough for the night. “He’s still a handful, though.” he laughs, proceeding to empty out the rest of the bottle’s contents into his glass.

“But he’s my handful, so…” he trailed off, setting the empty wine bottle on the table.

“Are you and your wife still together?” You thought maybe the question was out of line but curiosity was getting the best of you.

His expression turns wistful. “We live under the same roof, let’s put it that way. She’s a great woman, a good mother. And I don’t deserve her.”

You smiled sadly at him, then stared at him silently. You begin to question why you even decided to come with him. Perhaps it was all a big mistake.

And yet, even though it's been so long, your memories of him were so incredibly vivid that you could just reach your hand out and you'd feel them. Feel him.

“What are we doing here, Namjoon? Why did you show up at my lecture? What did you hope to achieve?”

“Honestly?” His eyes flicked downward and he began to fidget with a loose thread on the table cloth.

“When I found out that you’d be in town, I booked a room within five minutes.” He chuckled. “I didn’t even care if the rate was ridiculous…”

Then, his gaze lifted back to your face. “I was hoping that we could pick up where we left off."

Your hand instinctively clutches at your chest. Your heart was beating so fast, you were afraid that it would just burst out of it.

"For 10 years, I imagined what our life would have been like. And if I ever saw you again, would I feel the same way about you? Would you feel the same way about me?”

You purse your lips and lean in closer. “You didn’t need to book a hotel room to find out if we still love each other…” You paused, then gave him a small smile. “Because clearly, we still do.”

His lips curved into a smile and the dimples in his cheeks grew deeper.

“For 10 years…Just the idea of you, knowing that you existed and that you were in my life…I held onto those memories and they got me through some tough times.” Your throat tightens but right before your tears fall, he reaches across the table, holding his hand out, beckoning you to put your hand in it.

After some hesitation, you acquiesce. He gives it a gentle squeeze, then brings it up to his lips to kiss it. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

******

You took a leisurely walk by the avenue and into a small pub a few blocks away. You shared a few more drinks and stories. For hours, you caught up with each other’s lives. 

You excitedly talk to him about your new television project while he enthusiastically describes recently studying works by the late Yun Hyong Keun, even developing a friendship with his family.

Art was Namjoon’s pride and joy. His eyes, though the corners were now wrinkled with laugh lines several years later, still lit up the same way when he talked about his passions and the things that he loves.

When one pub closed, you moved into another. And when that closed, you moved your conversation to a park bench, right outside of your hotel by the waterfront.

It was a little after 5:30AM and daylight was breaking through the horizon. Most of the town’s commercial avenue was still asleep, save for the cafes that were gearing up for a new day for early-morning patrons.

When you sat down next to him, he lifted his arm up, inviting you to sidle up closer to him. And you did. You basked in his warmth and rested your head against his chest. You caught a whiff of him…cinnamon and coffee mixed in with faint traces of lavender-scented fabric softener. Even though you felt fatigue set in, you couldn’t close your eyes. You crane your neck up to find him sitting still with eyes closed while the sunrise kisses his face. Now, how could you possibly miss that?

******

You head back into the hotel and go up to your respective rooms only to retrieve your things so you could check out and head to the train station.

“You don’t have to take me, really–”

“I know I don’t have to but I want to,” he insisted.

You laugh at him. “You’ve gone and rented out a room that you didn’t even sleep in. Now you’re saying that you’re going to take the train with me, see me off at my stop, then transfer at a station that’s completely out of the way for you?”

He laughed in return. “It sounds so crazy when you put it that way but…yes, I want to do all that.”

You shook your head at how ridiculous that was. “Joon…”

“Please? Just let me do this,” he all but pleads.

You wanted to protest again but instead, when you open your mouth, a yawn escapes you.

“Look at you…that’s like, the fifth time in a row you’ve yawned,” he snickered.

“Spare me,” you chuckled with a slight eyeroll. “I know we barely slept when we were together. Now I can barely keep my eyes open.”

“Dawn is for lovers…and bakers,” he adds with a grin while his eyes peered up at a bakery that had just turned over its ‘open’ sign on the front door.

Your cheeks flushed with warmth. “You always had a way with words.”

“Things haven’t changed much,” he replied as you made your way out of the hotel to catch a cab together.

******

Hours later, the train approaches your stop, and you begin to gather your things.

“Thank you,” you say to him.

He smiled wordlessly then dipped his head down. You didn’t stop him and instead, met his kiss halfway. Warmth bloomed within your chest when your lips brushed against each other’s. In an instant, you had traveled back in time…back into his embrace. It was like coming home.

The train comes to a halt, making you bump against each other. Pulling away, you stare at each other with half-lidded eyes. Both your pulses raced but ironically, there was a calm that washed over you.

Neither of you said anything for a few beats until a smile broke through his lips. It’s so infectious that you do the same. He leans in again and plants a soft, lingering kiss on your forehead. You find yourself squeezing your eyes shut.

When he lets go of you, he looks into your eyes again. “We should do this again.”

His invitation was so unexpected that it knocked the wind out of you. You give him a small smile and a nod. “Sure, just call me.”

“I definitely will. You know, since I have my phone with me now instead of an old receipt,” he says.

You gather your things and off-board the train hand-in-hand. You put your luggage down then faced each other on the platform.

“So…have a good life!”

Your comment tickles him. “‘Have a good life’?” he echoed. “That sounds like something people say when they won’t see each other again.”

You didn’t really mean anything by it. You thought it sounded better than saying, ‘That was fun,’ or ‘Take care.’

You chuckled at him and shrugged. “You never know what could happen between now and the next time we see each other again. I could die; you could hit your head and fall into a coma; another border lockdown could happen, or…maybe one of us decides that they want something else,” you reply casually.

He took a step to narrow the gap between you. “I’ve always loved your wild imagination,” he says, tucking a few strands of your hair behind your ear.

You grinned at him. “So you’ve told me.”

His expression turned serious. “Well, none of those things will happen. We’ll see each other again.” he promises, keeping his eyes locked with yours.

You nodded softly and gave him a small smile. “Alright.”

His smile grew wider and you tilt your chin up to kiss his lips again before his train home arrives on the other side of the platform. You watched him board and saw that he sat by the window seat, his eyes still on you.

True love in its absolute form has many purposes in life. It’s not just about bringing children into the world; or romance or soulmates or even lifelong companionship. The love you had in your past...unfinished, untested, lost love...seems so easy, so childish to those who chose to settle down. But it’s actually the purest, most concentrated stuff.

For years, you imagined what it would be like to see him again. To learn that things hadn’t changed and that spark between you was just as bright and electric as when you first made eye contact.

And while you were happy to learn that he still felt the same way, just like any spark, there’s a brightness for a few seconds…before the wind blows it out. Like a firework that shoots up into the sky, bursting into different colors, only to fall back down as smoke and ash. Like a bolt of lightning, crackling through the storm clouds, followed by a loud thunderclap and a burst of rain.

Up until the last few hours, you realized that something this good can only last for so long. 

You had your beautiful moment with him. And that’s how it will always stay in your heart.

When the train rain pulls away from the station, you feel a twinge in your chest. You blew him a kiss and stood there silently until he was far enough away from you.

He waved at you through the window then turned to look straight ahead.

“Have a good life, YN,” he whispered to himself.

Crossposted on AO3 | Main Fic Masterlist

You’ve reached the end! Thank you so much for reading!

If you loved it, please comment, reblog, or send me feedback! 📩. I love hearing from readers! If you didn’t like it so much, I would still like to hear about it. Help me become a better writer! 💜

Tagging: @internetjunkdrawer @deepseavibez @itdoesntmatterwhy @joonschocochip @yu-justme @e-cm

#bts fanfiction #namjoon x reader #namjoon angst #namjoon fanfiction

[oxydiane]

on AO3 too!

Ron watches, always watches, Ron can only watch.

Ron can only watch the way Harry’s hair falls into its usual calculated mess, he can only watch the chaotic way he eats pudding, always getting some of it on the corner of his lips. He can only watch his soft features as he sleeps during History of Magic. Only watch, never do, never touch.

Logically, he knows he could touch Harry, if he wanted. He was possibly one of the very few people Harry allowed to touch him, one of the only people that had the right.

But he can’t. Wouldn’t dare. Ron can’t take advantage of Harry’s trust simply because he feels the need to brush his fingers over his best friend’s lips all the time.

Watching Harry sleep had quickly become one of Ron’s favourite past times; going from simply checking every now and then to make sure his best friend wasn’t being shaken by nightmares to actually staring at his long lashes and pillowy lips and letting his mind wander to a world in which Harry wanted him back.

His gaze meets emerald green and no matter how much time passes, Harry’s eyes continue taking his breath away. He smiles.

Harry yawns. ‘Binn’s done?’

‘Not even close.’ Ron replies and grins when Harry groans and presses his forehead against the parchment they had been playing tic-tac-toe on.

‘Come on, almost over, and then there’s Quidditch.’ He tries to cheer Harry up and in that moment he dares. Ron’s hand finds a place on the back of Harry’s head and gently strokes his hair, the boy enjoys that infinitely.

‘Ohh, keep doing that,’ he pleads and Ron’s cheeks colour just a tad bit. ‘And wake me up when this agony is over.’

The boy doesn’t speak again, but Ron never takes his hand off the back of his head.

Ron is not stupid, he is aware of the rows of girls giggling and talking amongst themselves about Harry. He is aware most of the people looking over at their desk only have eyes for his friend. He is aware the reason the Quidditch pitch is always so full for training sessions is students wanting to get an eyeful of Harry, he was one of them once, too.

He is awfully aware, just as he is aware of the involuntary nasty looks he sends each and every one of those far away admirers. Just as he is aware of the way his heart does backflips each time Harry leans into his space.

‘You’re so dumb.’ Hermione tells him one evening they find themselves alone in the library, Harry off to one of his lessons with Dumbledore. ‘You should just tell him.’

‘Yeah, like hell I will,’ he spits back. ‘I don’t like a gold rush.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘You know!’ His voice echoes in the silence of the library and Ron realised he should probably lower his voice. ‘Everybody wants him. I can see it, you can see it.’

‘And how on Earth does that relate to you telling him you want him?’

Ron groans. ‘Don’t be daft, ‘Mione.’

‘How am I being daft?’

‘You know,’ he looks down at his feet. ‘Everybody wants him —‘

‘Yes, I believe you’ve made that clear,’

‘Merlin! He could be — he could have anybody he wants, why would he want to settle for me?’

Hermione stares at him for what feels like minutes, her eyes studying his face as if he had spoken gibberish.

‘You can’t be serious.’ She concludes finally. ‘You’re a lot more observant than this, you’re fooling me.’

Ron is speechless. ‘What —?’

‘You can’t —‘ Hermione puts down her quill, bringing her hands together. ‘You can’t be suggesting that Harry would consider you settling? Surely, you are fooling me?’

‘Uhm… No?’

‘So,’ she sighs and starts collecting her scrolls of parchment. ‘Let me get this straight. Harry is constantly by your side, always all over you, back in fourth year you were kidnapped because you were the thing he would miss the most —‘

‘That wasn’t in a —‘

‘Shut up! Let me finish!’ Ron winces, Hermione doesn’t like being interrupted. ‘You were his most treasured person, and you still think he would consider you settling?’

‘I mean… You know, he’s always liked pretty people who were good at stuff, you know? Pretty boy Diggory, then that Seeker Chang, now he has this weird obsession with Malfoy —‘

‘Harry does not like Malfoy!’ Hermione screeches, now collecting Ron’s parchment and books. ‘And why would that matter? You’re pretty amazing too.’

Ron looks up, surprised. ‘You think that?’

‘Of course I think that, and Harry does too. Harry adores you. Now let’s go,’ she stands up. ‘We can go get some dinner, you talk stupid on an empty stomach.’

Ron grins at her and they head down to the Great Hall together.

The room is not as chaotic as it would be at dinner time, but it’s not quiet either. Despite the bustle of people coming and going and talking, Ron can spot Harry’s black mop of hair immediately. The grin he had been wearing all the way from the library was wiped from his face when he noticed a Hufflepuff boy sitting beside him, laughing heartily at Harry’s words and leaning way too close into his space.

‘I bet that git is not going to shower for a week.’ He mutters through his teeth, nodding at the way the Hufflepuff boy was clinging to Harry’s arm.

‘Well, look at it this way…’ Hermione tries, ‘you can shower whenever you want, because Harry touches you everyday and doesn’t look like he wants to jump into the Great Lake when he does.’

Ron laughs and the sound makes Harry turn. He gives them both a pleading smile that makes Ron’s heart ache and Hermione nudges his side lightly, urging him to move.

Without thinking, Ron takes a seat beside Harry and easily slides an arm around his shoulder. The Hufflepuff boy gives him a nasty look but backs off quickly and Harry leans into his space, muttering a ‘thank you’ against Ron’s shoulder that makes Ron’s head spin.

After all, he may do like a gold rush.

#soo writes #pining #terrible pining #harry potter #harry james potter #ron weasley #hermione granger #i love writing dialogue actually #ronarry #rarry #gold rush #ficlet #drabble #romione #romione friendship #i love a supportive hermione idk abt y’all #harry is so oblivious god help him #draco malfoy #drarry #if you squint #cedric diggory #hedric #cho chang #choarry

[animangaandchillsblog]

To celebrate the NaruHinaWedding event, I wrote a drabble about a conversation between Boruto, Himawari and Hinata. They are asking about Hinata's love life. The anime displayed a scene of Hinata reminiscing about her love life. From a crush to someone qualified enough to support Naruto. In this drabble, I want to elaborate more into details about her feelings and the lessons she learned in pursuit of happiness.

"I'm home!" Boruto shouted as he ran his way to the living room.

"Mum, I'm hungry! What's for dinner?" He asks.

"Sit down. Wash your hands first or you won't have dinner. I've roasted chicken mixed with black pepper and corn soup."

"Yay! Where is Hima?" Boruto enquires, as he washes his hand at the sink.

"I'm here! I've just finished my mission with Yuina and Ehou!" Himawari helps her mother to put the dishes into some bowls as soon as she arrives.

"Eh... new mission, huh? What did you do Hima? I bet it's a mission about finding missing cat, cleaning the chickens' coops or guiding a VIP's safety..." Boruto displays his bored face while belittling his sister's mission. He used to complain the missions he got and this laid back personality of his also led to him in trouble.

"Nope. None of those. It's a mission to find rare herbs; Matucoldi. It is actually a mission requested by aunt Sakura and she chose our team because of our ability. Well, to be honest I didn't know why she chose me as a temporary team leader at first. I know Yuina is a knowledgeable student. She studied a lot about herbs and animals. Her resourcefulness helped us a lot. Ehou, on the other hand acted without thinking sometimes but he is great in combat. As for me... I cannot really control my Byakugan yet and my taijutsu isn't as great as Ehou. During the mission, I realised that one of my redeeming qualities is my quick thinking which coincides with the situation and the spirit to never give up. We managed to retrieve the herbs successfully in the end. Of course, we needed to involve ourselves in a fight but with teamwork, we did it!"

"Wow.. Hima, looks like you're going to be a cool shinobi just like me!" Boruto laughs, after listening to Himawari's detailed explanation regarding her mission.

"Hey! I don't want to be like you, onii-chan. You always made other people worry and you never communicate your inner feelings. I'm going to be someone honest in the future and that includes taking care of you!"

"Hey! I'm the big one here. I was born first. I am supposed to be the one who protects you!" Boruto rebutts Himawari's statements.

"Hush.. hush! Okay, stop it. Stop the fight or you both won't be having dinner." Hinata puts down a big bowl of corn soup on the table and look at her children with a scary expression.

"Ok.. okay.." Botg Himawari and Boruto reply in unison.

Hinata laughs and sit next to Himawari.

"You know what, mum.. sometimes I wonder how dad is able to marry you. I mean.. you could've find better men out there. You cooked all these delicious dishes only for him to rush back to the Hokage's office again," Boruto conplained.

"But, he did... came home right? He tried his best to be a great father for both of you. He always tried his best, despite working for the village. Without him, we won't be living peacefully now. He even tried to be an inspiring figure for Kawaki. Speaking of him.. where is he?"

"Well, he said he had something to deal with. I don't know. For me, dinner is more important. I'll find out sooner or later anyway," Boruto responds.

"Mama! We want to listen your story before you meet papa! You refused to tell us before!" Himawari looks at her mother with an eager expression.

"Er, well.. I've told you before about how clumsy and rash he was before, right? Your father is still the same old him even after having 2 children. I always liked him in secrecy. Once, I tried to release the chakra draining rods from him even after beaten up by Pain. Pain is one of the akatsuki members, by the way. You learned that in your school right?"

"Akat.. akatsuki? The same Pain who destroyed Konoha? I've learned it before during class.. and we had that particular moment described in our text book. There's a girl mentioned in the text book. The one who tried to save the Hokage.. but I didn't know it was you, mum! Wow! Why didn't you let your name known in the text book? I could've boasted about it!" Boruto proudly shows his enthusiasm about the new fact he acknowledged.

Hinata chuckles. "No. I prefer a quiet life. I don't really care about fame and being a legend. To me, being happy is enough. Taking care of my kids is enough. Supporting my husband is enough. I don't need more in life. Your father nearly gave up his ninja way when we were in the middle of war. However, I managed to gain his strength. Even when my beloved cousin who's like a brother to me, Neji passed away at that time, I tried to calm myself down. As a shinobi, you can never express your emotions willingly. Yes, it's hard but that's the reason why it is important to be strong not just by physical but also by heart. After the war, we visited each other's house. He would ask for my help because he needed to study more if he wants to become a Hokage. Sometimes, I brought food. Did you know that he was once an avid hater of vegetables? Well, it takes an impressive cooking skill to mesh the vegetables well with meats so that the taste will become delectable."

Boruto and Himawari look at their mother's loving facade. She has a soft expression whenever she reminisces about her past life. She looks like a maiden in love, not someone who was married and gave birth to 2 kids.

Hinata continues to describe her love life. " I learned so much from your father. He taught me to grow in my own pace and be brave, despite what the circumstances are. We became closer without even noticing it. Sometimes, we trained together. There were rumours circulating that we were in a relationship but we ignored it. Your father was too dense about love and at that time, I'm sure he thought of me as a friend. Not more. I was still a bit timid even after war because the idea of being in a relationship with your crush is too good to be true. So in the end, we just led a life without even acknowledging our feelings.

Then, years passed by and we're finally 18. A lot of things changed. Your aunt, Hanabi was kidnapped by a descendant of Hamura Otsusuki. He needed the byakugan to acquire the Tenseigan created from his ancestors' sealed eyes. He proposed me so I had to accept it in order to save Hanabi. Your father was utterly heart-broken upon knowing it and I did try to explain just for a while but my I believed he could manage himself. He's a strong shinobi who used to lead the war. My goal at that time was to save your aunt. She's still a child. Long story short, we managed to defeat Toneri. Your father was super romantic when he finally understood his feelings for me. With one hand, he released a big rasengan and flew under the moon's silhouette. Well, after that.. I couldn't tell you."

"What? You kissed don't you? Papa kissed mama!" Himawari teased her mother.

"Woah really? I didn't know dad can be so romantic! He's a fool for not being able to know his true feelings." Boruto laughs.

"It's not his fault. He was alone for so many years. He worked hard to gain acknowledgement from other villagers. He didn't have anyone to talk to him about this matter. As for me, I'm happy if he's happy. I did get jealous once, when he was popular with the girls due to his popularity. I thought the scarf given to him was from one of the girls so I hid the scarf I've knitted for him. It turns out that it was actually from his mother. In a way, I was in the wrong too. We both are. Being in a relationship means that both of us stand in an equal footing. We vowed to cherish each other through thick and thin. To support each other and to communicate our inner feelings. No more skirting lies while leaving the truths half-told."

"Aww.. I want to have a beautiful love story like mama too, when I grow up later.. but so far I don't like anyone in class..." Himawari gushes her mother's love tale while gazing at her mother's embarrassed face.

"Heh.. I don't know if I will ever get married.. I want to enjoy my single life to eternity.. but having someone who can understand you for who you are is rare..." Boruto's eyes narrow with such focus, as if thinking about someone who could match his description.

"I'm home!" Naruto's voice can be heard at the door.

Boruto and Himawari run and hug him instantly.

"Okay.. what happen?" Naruto is confused.

"Dad.. you're a cool guy huh?" Boruto teased him.

"Daddy! You are so sweet!" Himawari joins her brother.

"What? What's going on? Hinata, what's going on? Did something peculiar happen?" Naruto tries to ask for explanation but Hinata refuses to look him in the eye.

"No... Nothing happened! Any.. anyway, why did you get home so soon?" Hinata helps her husband to untie the Hokage robe.

Naruto is puzzled. "I thought you like it when I'm home?"

Hinata is speechless. Usually, she won't be flustered as she was used to her role as a wife but somehow, the prior engagement with her children makes her embarrassed. She regrets expressing her love towards her husband in front of her children. Pretty sure they're going to tease her further.

"Well, anyway... do you know that there's a new record for ramen eating competition? I did it! I managed to defeat your past record!"

Shocked, Hinata scrutinizes her eyes. "What? How? You never managed to defeat me before! Did you cheat?"

"Hey, I didn't cheat okay? Well, it won't make me a real man if you always win. Did you still remember your promise if I win?"

"Hima.. is this really our "cool" father? Why is he being childish all the time." Boruto asks, with an incredulous look on his face.

"I'm pretty sure it's just papa being papa. He never shows this side of him in front of other villagers. He usually brings out his inner child when he's with mama."

"I.. of course I remember. I promised to accompany you on a date to an expensive restaurant. That was ages ago! You're a rich man now." Hinata laughs, as she remembers her promise to Naruto.

"It'll just be the 2 of us. No kids allowed."

"Okay. Okay. Gosh, you're so funny, Naruto-kun."

"I'm curious though. What were you talking about just now?" Naruto asks.

Hinata tries to suppress her embarrassment by controlling her face expression. "Huh.. nothing okay? I was just talking about how cool you were when you brought me to the moon. There, happy now?"

It was Naruto's turn to be embarrassed. "What kind of conversation was that? You shouldn't tell the about that. It's not fair!"

"Well, I did say that I was so in love with you. It's fair." Hinata fights back.

"I'm home..."

All of them look at the owner's voice. Turns out, it's Kawaki. Kawaki is confused at the weird atmosphere as he walks into the dining room.

"Dinner is served and you guys aren't eating? The food is going to get cold. What happen? Why do you have that ugly and strange grin on your face Boruto?"

"Ugly you say? You're the ugly one! Wanna fight?" Boruto stands up.

"Hush! Okay, okay. Let's eat now. Kawaki, wash your hands first. Honey, as a punishment you must massage my shoulders tonight."

Naruto almost faint when he heard that Hinata called him "honey". She only said that when both of them are not in front of their kids. Looks like he can never win the war with his own wife.

#naruhina #naruto #hinata #naruhinadrabbles #incorrectnhh #boruto #kawaki #himawari #uzumaki family #NaruHinaWedding

[yeyinde]

I hope the original nonnie doesn't mind me using their singledad!Price x Daughter's Former Teacher prompt because this was too good to pass up... and I wanted something to procrastinate studying with: (fem! reader, no y/n) --

It wasn't really something Price expected. When his daughter insisted on having her favorite food for dinner, how could he say no? She had just started her new school year and, while she liked her new teacher a lot, she missed her teacher from last year.

It broke his heart at the end of the school year when she was damn near inconsolable at the realization that she wouldn't get to go to your class every day. When she so sweetly asked to go to the shop and get the ingredients for the recipe you taught her class last year, how could he have denied her?

How could he have expected his darling girl to run off immediately after entering the store? He called her name, chasing after her. When he caught up, his eyes trailed upwards from his daughter's form, from the simple but stylish shoes, following the (very-well shaped) legs she was hugging so tightly and found that his eyes landed on your face.

Good god, how have you gotten prettier since he last saw you?

You smiled at him while your hand softly rested on his daughter's shoulders. He felt like his ears had water in them as he listened to you gently remind her, "You know better than to run from your father, hmm? So let's be more careful next time, no matter how excited you are to see me, lovely girl."

He could only pat and stroke his daughter's head as she came to hug his legs and apologize, while his heart felt like it was going into cardiac arrest at the sight of his most precious girl and her former teacher. He'd, arguably, had a fondness and interest in you since last year but didn't (and couldn't) bare to bring himself to bring your parent-teacher relationship into something more.

"It's nice to see you again, Mr. Price," You said, gripping your shopper's tote on your shoulder. Price nodded, "You as well."

"Miss! Guess what we're here for." His daughter said. "Hmm? What is it, lovely girl?" Price had to hold back a groan. Something almost primal in the back of his mind was satisfied at seeing the interaction between you and his daughter.

Apparently, while he had been lost in his head, absorbed in how you interacted so gently, so caringly... almost mothering his girl like she was yours... his daughter had invited her old teacher to their home. Fuck.

Price nodded and flashed a quick smile, "You're welcomed to join us, but if you've already got plans-" "No, that's alright!" You quickly interjected, "I've got nothing else planned except for grading and planning out lessons."

Price couldn't help the words that slipped out next, "Nobody waiting on you?" Heat came to your cheeks, and you looked almost… bashful as both hands came to hold the shopper's tote tighter in front of you. Then, finally, you shook your head, "No. I have nobody waiting on me." Price's heart jumped at the insinuation.

His daughter, impatient at how long the conversation was taking, jumped in. "Okay! Our house tonight at 6, Miss!" She turned to Price, "Papa, you should give Miss your number so you can text her our address!"

Price swallowed hard. He was good at adapting and handling things moving too quickly, but his head felt like he was swimming in molasses. As you handed back his phone, his fingers lightly brushed yours. You smiled as you turned to finish your shopping, "I'll see you both tonight then."

Price lifted a single hand, holding it in the air as his daughter happily waved you off.

And if anyone noticed, he would vehemently deny that he was looking at how your clothes fit you and how your hips swayed as you walked away from the father-daughter duo. (He was looking at your ass, but that's his secret to keep).

this is soo cute!!!!!!! 🖤🖤🖤😭

i read it so many times (which is why it took me so long to post it), and it's so good!! i'm in love 🥰

#its amazing omggg #so cutteeee!!! #PLEASE I NEED MORE 😳 #captain john price #fic rec

[lily-janus]

Take A Break

Summary: Logan first thinks of Janus as a smart but lazy person, but he's about to be proven wrong.

Pairing: pre-romantic loceit

Warnings: none that I can think of but do let me know if I missed any.

Word count: 1,225

For @loceitweek day 3 Law School/Astronamy

(I have no idea how law school work so it might sound more like regular school but bare with me😅)

-----------------

"...and then I will argue that the evidence is not really reliable because- are you listening?" Logan stopped his explanation, noticing that his… partner was, once again, not paying attention.

"Hm?" Janus hummed, focusing his gaze on Logan's own, "were you saying something?" He smirked, knowing full well how that will annoy Logan.

"You know as well as I that I've been," he used air quotes, " 'saying something', for the past hour. We need to do this assignment perfectly, Janus." Logan said, exasperated by his classmate.

Okay, don't tell Janus that, but Logan really does think Janus was an incredibly intelligent person, there were multiple occasions throughout the semester where Janus had impressed Logan with his arguments.

That being said, Janus had a tendency to be… extremely frustrating. Acting cocky and smug most of the time, egging people on with no more reason than simple amusement… and, of course, his cryptic way of behaving. And, for some unknown reason, Janus seems to enjoy annoying Logan the most out of all their classmates.

Always cornering him after lectures, arguing with him during lessons no matter what side he chooses, or are assigned to.

So, when they were chosen to work this assignment together… Logan was, at the very least, not pleased. Not that he'd ever defy the will of their teacher, so he was stuck with his smug classmates who didn't seem to care enough to even listen to Logan's ideas.

Janus shrugged, "maybe I know that, and maybe I don't, I could have a very short attention span for all you know about me, which isn't much besides my brilliant intelligence that I repeatedly show in class." Janus smirked smugly again.

Logan let out a frustrated sigh, "can we just be serious long enough to finish this?" He asked, on the verge of begging. He never ever failed at anything and he's not about to let Janus change that.

Janus groaned, "Jesus, Teach, ever heard of relaxing? We still got months until the due date." He pointed out.

"While true, you neglect the fact that this assignment is only one out of many others we have from other classes, plus my reputation to hand in assignments early-" but he was interrupted by another, rather exaggerative, groan from Janus.

"You talk a lot." Janus complained.

Logan could feel his eye twitching in annoyance, "well, it would seem like I'm the only one out of the two of us who's doing anything, why are you even in law school if you're not willing to put effort into anything?" Logan asked with a groan of his own, not really looking for an answer, mostly wanting to annoy Janus back.

But of course, that didn't work, as Janus' smirk only grew, seeming more satisfied the more frustrated Logan became. "I wouldn't say that, I put lots of effort into my studies, I'm just balancing it more so I won't get overwhelmed and burned out. Surely you can appreciate a healthy work balance, right Teach?"

Logan's fist hit the table, "stop calling me that!"

Janus was unphased, "how about… professor? Nerd? Glasses? Ooh, maybe Specs?"

"How about simply Logan?" Logan suggested, as calmly as he could.

Janus faked thinking it over before shaking his head, "nah, I like Specs best."

With a growl of frustration, Logan dropped his pen and pushed his chair away from the desk, "I think we're done for today.."

Janus clapped his hands together in glee before standing up, "marvelous! Same time next week?" He winked at Logan.

Logan blushed slightly at the gesture for some reason, "ah.. sure."

Janus smirked again, "it's a date, Specs!" He called as he walked out of Logan's dorms.

That statement caused Logan's blush to deepen, which was… odd.

…

"Oh he is totally flirting with you, Lo!" Roman, his roommate, said after Logan finished telling him about Janus.

Logan huffed, "I doubt annoying me is considered flirting." Roman was being ridiculous again, there's no way!

Roman shook his head with a sigh, "sometimes I forget how little you understand about the delicate art of romance." He said, "it's because he likes you!"

Logan almost laughed at Roman's statement, "that's absurd, we're both completely different and he always gets out of his way just to get a rise out of me and… always corners me after class and…" he trailed off in thought.

"And trying to get your attention and more time to be with you?" Roman finished for him with a knowing smile.

The more Logan thought about it now, the more Roman's explanation made sense… is he feeling the same way?

"Oh my stars! You're blushing! You like him too! Oh, the robot finally found his heart!" Roman swooned, placing both his hands on his heart in a dramatic gesture.

Logan shook his head, "n-no, no. Janus doesn't like me and I don't like him."

Roman was still smiling knowingly at him, "ah ha, sure, whatever you say, Calculator Watch." He winked at him.

…

"You're late." Logan said when Janus finally showed up to their second meeting to work on their assignment.

As usual, Janus was unphased, he simply walked in, took his seat on Roman's red beanbag, put his legs up on a chair and leaned back on his hands. Choosing the most dramatic position to show his carefree attitude towards this assignment that they were supposed to work on together.

"Sorry, Specs, it took longer than I thought it would, but I'm here now aren't I?" Janus looked up at Logan to where he sat in front of his work desk.

"It?" Logan asked, "what were doing that took so long?" He asked, barely two seconds passed and he was already starting to get annoyed. What could possibly be more important than law school? Does Janus hold no regards to-

"Our assignment, of course." Janus said casually, halting Logan's thoughts in their place for a minute.

"Excuse me?" Logan asked, surely he didn't hear that correctly.

Janus smirked and handed Logan the notebook he's been holding, "o-u-r a-ssign-ment." He said slowly, emphasizing every syllable.

Eyeing Janus suspiciously, Logan took the notebook and looked it over… he really did do it…

Janus suddenly hopped to his feet, offering Logan his hand, "now that the boring stuff is out of the way, it's time for you to relax with me." He smirked at him.

Logan frowned, "what do you mean?"

Janus sighed, "I really need to spell it out to you, huh?" He chuckled to himself, "fine. Logan, will you go on a date with me?"

Logan flushed a deep red, "b-but there's still work to-"

"Logan." Janus cut him off, suddenly serious, "you really need to learn to take breaks from time to time, you're not helping anyone by running yourself to the ground."

"I'm… not running anywhere, let alone to the ground…" Logan stammered, trailing off.

Janus snickered again, "it means you're overworking yourself, c'mon, I'll take you to my favorite Cafe' on campus." Janus gently grabbed one of his hands and tagged on it.

Still flushing, Logan gave in, putting Janus' notebook on his desk before standing up and following Janus.

Perhaps Janus had a point, he doesn't remember taking a single break other than sleep since the start of semester. And, well, Janus wasn't the worst person to take his first break with…

#sanders sides #logan sanders #ts janus sanders #pre romantic loceit #loceitweek2023 #day 3: law school/astronomy #sanders sides fanfic #Lily writes #roman sanders

[loser-female]

Nothing, just every time I sit around to think about ADHD I inevitably see all the abuse I've been through in front of my eyes again.

Now I just want to go cry in a corner.

The truth is that... I don't have any superpowers. I'm a 2x dropout. I cannot remember years of my life and the memories i have are extremely fragmented and difficult to put together. If I didn't have ADHD I wouldn't have been abused causing trauma that will never go away. I barely graduated high school - it took me 7 years instead of 5, I was too depressed to get out of bed at a certain point -and for some reason I thought I could do physics. And I can understand very difficult concepts, they don't fly over my head. But my country universities are completely unstructured. I got told "do these things in a three months time", so I couldn't keep up (and I also had chronic pain). I just cannot. I need a degree to keep going with my career but at this point I 100% believe it's over my possibilities, so I don't think I will ever reach the role of a SOC manager or a CISO.

I struggle daily to daily because all my energy goes to my job and when I'm done I'm exhausted. I have to make my boyfriend that does a physical heavy job (he is a factory worker) do 70% of the stuff because I just cannot. I do want to, but everything goes out of the window because I spent my whole day trying to focus. And he needs to double check because I forget. I forget to do laundry, I forget to take out the laundry and it then smells bad and I need to rewash it, then I forget it again. I don't miss my cats stuff because they are annoying.

While I'm actively monitoring I sometimes forget what I'm doing. And with sometimes I mean twice a day. Then I remembered and I have 10 alerts to analyse and then I get distracted again. It doesn't compromise the quality of my analysis for a miracle. Because I triple check everything, but I'm slower than my coworkers.

I called a customer yesterday because I contained his asset from the network (which is a very invasive operation) and I couldn't remember for the sake of my life if he disabled the email only or the whole o365 account. I still don't know. And it's a problem because I need to report to my coworkers and I will definitely look like an idiot if I gave them the wrong information. (They know about my ADHD and are very understanding)

I say"I need to reply to that email" and it's four months and now it's unacceptable to do this.

I recently failed a job interview because I forgot crucial information at the wrong time. I rely a lot on my notes and mindmaps which are great if you do intelligence analysis, but not that great when people expect you to remember everything.

I forgot to pay my water bill for 6 months because it got lost. I misplaced it, everyone thought it was being paid and it wasn't. (Idk how I didn't get my water shut off. Learned my lesson and now it get out directly from my bank account).

I forget to call my family for weeks because to me time makes no sense. Which is the reason why I struggle so much with my very necessary self study things. I need to get them done. I don't have the brain parts required to do that.

It's so awful, I get help but it cannot change the biology of my brain. I hope I will get some sort of "cure", although I rationally know it's impossible.

I'm scared to have kids because no way I'm condemning someone else to the amount of daily struggle I have. Especially my own child!

This is what living with ADHD actually looks like. Failing over and over again, and if you have good people around they will not mind that much, but I admit I wouldn't give me half of the slack my loved ones do to me. It's not the secret of any success, it doesn't make me "creative" or anything. In fact, I would have written how much stuff if I could finish what I start! How many things could I have done! I'd be a physics professor now. I'd have a PhD or something. I wouldn't have lost a decade of my life (1/3 of my life) to depression and anxiety.

Not that I have a bad job, I love my job, I earn more than I would have if I actually stayed in physics. even if things turned good for me that doesn't mean I don't miss what I could have been.

#ada.txt #ADHD

[tokidokitokyo]

2023年4月30日

This month was again very busy! Do I ever have not-busy months? Probably not! I still accomplished quite a bit, but I didn't do everything I had planned to do. One thing that I noticed though was that my reading skill and my listening skill have progressed because of incorporating reading and listening into my daily practice routine. I picked back up a manga I had started a year ago and found that it was easier to read this time. I also realized I am able to pick up more from news and other TV programmes now. The key is really just practicing consistently! It feels good to see tangible progress, and that motivates me even more.

今月はまた忙しかったです！忙しくない時はあるのかな？多分ない！今月は結構勉強が進めて良かったです。すべての目的には成功できなくても、まだまだ進んでいます。今月気づいたのは読解力と聴解力が結構上がったと思います。毎日ちょっとだけでも読んだり聞いたりするので、日課に入っていることになりました。そして去年読み始めようとした漫画を今月また読み続いたら、去年より楽になったって気づきました。最近ニュースや色んなテレビ番組を見ると、前より全然簡単に理解ができるって気づきました。毎日ちょっとずつ勉強するのはポイントです。具体的に成長を感じるのもモチベーションになります！

My 2023 Goals Progress

I laid out some broad goals for my Japanese study in my 2023 Japanese Language Goals post, so again I will update my progress towards these goals.

1. Read one page a day of 日本の歴史366 (にほんのれきし366) everyday in 2023.

How is it going? Good! In March my reading fell behind due to work and illness, and I didn't exactly catch up in April, but I am trying to continue even though I missed quite a few days and have not yet been able to read them. The goal is reading everyday, and although I really wanted to stay in order and to stay on top of it, sometimes things happen! I'll keep reading a page a day and catch up where I can.

2. Finish 日本語総まとめ N3 (にほんごそうまとめ N3) workbooks.

How is it going? Good! I have been working one of the four workbooks (Vocabulary, Kanji, Grammar, Listening) into my schedule several nights a week (mostly weekend nights!). I have worked through Week 4 out of 6, so I am close to the end of these workbooks! I am also taking more time to review them, so I can do fewer pages at a time but I feel like I am getting more out of them. I read each day's lesson carefully before I tackle the questions, and then I pick up each workbook again throughout the week and just read through the questions again.

3. Review and learn the first 6 levels of the 常用漢字 (じょうようかんじ), specifically the 教育漢字 (きょういくかんじ) up to grade 6.

How is it going? Not great. I definitely did not pick back up specifically the 常用漢字 in April, so I will try it again in May! Tbh, I just forgot to focus on these during my kanji studies and was more focused on vocabulary words ^^;

4. Read at least one book every two months.

How is it going? Not great. I am very behind on the books that I wanted to complete by the first half of this year. I lost motivation in March or so and haven't been able to pick them back up. I was reading them slowly and mining for vocabulary/kanji, which takes a lot of time that I don't have. I have been reading other books sporadically (although I haven't finished any) and I have been reading manga and articles semi-regularly. I thought this goal would be easier than trying to read a book each month, but it's still a lot for me. It's ok to change your goals, and next month I'll try to reformulate this goal to make it work for me.

5. Improve my speaking and writing by finding a tutor.

How is it going? It could be better. April was busier than I thought! I hope to find a tutor in May, but I find it difficult to find someone who suits my needs (and my time constraints). I hope to have better news on this next month! Wish me luck!

6. Study Japanese for at least 10 minutes a day.

How is it going? Good! Variation in my study schedule is the key to keeping up a daily Japanese study goal. If I'm tired, manga or an article, or a quick flashcard session, are quick ways to practice. If I have extra time I squeeze in a workbook lesson. Finding lots of little ways to practice helps me to stay interested and to stay motivated.

April Study Log

April was another busy month, so let's see how I did!

Vocabulary - This month I spent a lot more time practicing vocabulary. Not only did I write down words and look up words I didn't know, I also tried to conscientiously incorporate new words into my daily conversation. This helped me to remember them as well as to figure out what situations I would use them in.

Listening - I spent a lot of time with podcasts (during my commute) and TV/movies (with my son!) so I got a lot of listening practice in. I did realize the other day that I find it easier to listen to even more fast-paced or advanced TV shows, etc. That was a nice realization!

Kanji - I slacked off on kanji and definitely did not focus on school-age kanji. I honestly just forgot, and didn't have much time to commit new kanji to memory. I'll try again next month!

Speaking - We had a lot of play dates and so I got in a lot of speaking practice. The more I speak the more comfortable I am and the more information I can convey. This is definitely something I'd like to work on with a tutor!

Grammar, Reading, & Writing - I would like to incorporate these more into my daily studies, but they have really dropped off my radar recently. I have been quite busy and very tired as a result, so I am not going to be too hard on myself.

Going Forward in May

Continue working through N3 総まとめ workbooks as often as possible

Work more on 漢字 and specifically focus on the 教育漢字

Get an italki (or other?) tutor that suits my needs

Review and practice 3 grammar points per week

Next month I will really try to stick to the goals I have set and I hope to have a better report. But I still think that any progress is good progress, so let's keep working towards our goals! See you next month!

来月はもうちょっと目的に集中したいと思いますが、目的を超えなくても成功ができると思っています。そしてまだまだ勉強を進んで頑張りましょう！また来月！

#日本語 #japanese #japanese language #japanese langblr #japanese studyblr #langblr #studyblr #日本語の日記 #japanese diary #japanese goals 2023 #japanese studyspo #tokidokitokyo #tdtphoto #my photo #japanese goals april 2023