#and annoying things too???? you are a different person than my self projection on you???? ridiculous. unbelievable | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

astroismypassion · 1 year

Text

Astrology observations 🎀 🎀 🎀

Credit goes to my blog @astroismypassion

🎀 Leo Moons are often enamoured by idea of castles. If they could afford it, they would build a castle for their home. In other small cases they implement some sort of royal theme into their home. Like golden cutlery, a king sized bed, velvet or leather couch, some elements of yellow, gold and brown and so forth.

🎀 Gemini Moon can often experience similar feelings to embarrassment, because of their mother. Maybe because of how their mother decides to dress that looks sloppy or lazy, because mother doesn’t value hygiene and the home being always clean that much. It’s really in small details, but it’s there. Gemini Moon native can feel like their mother is too annoying for her to be accepted by her peers or that she is too often asking unnecessary “stupid” questions that makes her seem not well educated. They may not want to be seen in public with their mother that much.

🎀 Furthermore on Gemini Moon, the native’s mother might not really say “thank you” that often despite you thinking she would due to Mercury influence on the Moon. Instead, she often disregards the native, doesn’t thank them and even offers critique. The mother might want one thing one day and something completely ELSE right the next day. Also, if the mother of Gemini Moon native has two children, she will make big distinctions between them, like she will treat one very differently than the other.

🎀 There a small, but significant distinction between Virgo and Gemini Moon. Virgo is the real grinder, the hustler, the workaholic. Yet, Gemini Moon person might work just a part-time job or try to retire as soon as possible since they usually don’t feel accepted by work colleagues at their job, which leaves them feeling uncomfortable in a work setting. However, I would advise Gemini Moons to not COMPLETELY avoid work since you might create anxiety for yourself due to too much nervous, restless energy not constructively used. So you might seek unnecessary arguments within your family for that nervous energy release. All Mercurial Moons are meant to stay productive enough, because it allows them to have their emotions in check.

🎀 Sagittarius Moons are children of the world. They might not even have a home and put belongings in storage and just travel and stay at friend’s home, at the hotel. Or frequently change their home destination and even country. One day they are in London and the next day in Prague. They could live for a few months in many different countries.

🎀 Sagittarius Suns might really project an exaggerated sense of self and ego. They do that, because they always remember father’s words, truths, stories and they repeat that to themselves every time they don’t feel confident enough. So they repeat those words so many times, they end up with an exaggerated version of themselves, which they now present as their OWN TRUTH.

🎀 If you have Capricorn Moon or even just Capricorn degree Moon or Moon Saturn aspect there will possibly be a separation period with the mother (might be with both parents, but the mother is prominent). You might go off and marry somewhere else, live abroad or become a career person. There possibly could be a period where you won’t live with your mother or even see her on a regular basis for solid 10 years (or sometimes even more). So there will be a gap, after seeing her regularly after all this passed time, you will feel like you can’t truly understand her emotions, routine and habits she built, because of that years gap. There will be a feeling present like you are meeting a completely new version of your mother that you never knew before (Saturn).

🎀 I think we in astrology put too much emphasis on our IC sign being associated with family, especially mother and father. Your IC sign can show ANY ancestor in your family line of all time, it’s really not just parents or grandparents. It can be some of your ancestors (like a great great great grandfather or some sort of cousin) who was a merchant if you have Virgo IC and so forth.

🎀 Also, if you have Libra IC don’t mix love with money. Especially with this placement (even if you only have Libra degree IC) always keep your bank account separate from your partner’s! Because you probably carry a generational ancestral pattern of love zone turning into war zone. Think of Lady Diana and Prince Charles “great love” divided by Camilla, it’s that theme. I can’t emphasize this enough. Yes, you can still buy them gifts and treat them to something nice, just because you’re partners and in love we get it, but your bank account should always be your very OWN if you have this placement. And you know what’s even more surprising?? That your partner might be already doing this, while you still don’t. Even if it makes you uncomfortable hearing this, because you like harmony, balance and peace, don’t be too much in la la love land with Libra IC. So love is not equal money, remember this.

🎀 If you are a Scorpio Rising you might genuinely believe that you can master anything you put your mind to it, which is extremely good for you guys. Like you don’t even think in context of something being impossible, which is very admirable.

🎀 Leo Moon and Moon in the 5th house always remember their first love for their whole life. And might still find them beautiful even if they seem them again years after. They are also the type to be thinking about engagement while being 19. 😅

🎀 If your family members have Leo, Sagittarius Moon, you could seriously have a reality show, because just how you exist and behave is already entertaining enough to watch. And you probably naturally have good banter with your family members and siblings.

🎀 Mars in the 5th house and Mars in the 9th house hide a lot of pressure. They are often stressed out, because of wanting to take care of their whole family.

🎀 Mars in the 5th house, Leo Mars, Aries Moon, Aries Sun and Mars at a Leo degree could suffer from low iron or issues with blood pressure.

🎀 Aries IC are activists. They are always seen fighting towards something, injustice, social inequality, their own partner etc.

🎀 Gemini Lilith can be in and out of job often. Or they keeping changing jobs every 6 months or so. They have a hard time keeping a job steady.

🎀 Leo Moons can be known as playboys/playgirls. They might often have short-term relationships that are well-known or even be the third party in a partnership.

Credit goes to my blog @astroismypassion

#leo moon #astroismypassion #astroblr #astro community #astro theme #astrology #astro notes #astro observations #astrology observations #astrology observation #sagittarius moon #sagittarius sun #aries ic #moon in the 5th house #leo mars #aries moon #aries sun

1K notes · View notes

kosmicdream · 2 months

Text

Please don’t think of me as a male artist.

..is what i used to feel, for many years, even when I finally came out as trans. In a way, its one of the factors that kept me from pursuing HRT (which im so glad i finally did.) After only one year, my feeling on this hasn’t evaporated completely but i suppose I kind of don’t care anymore about how I am interpreted, as a person/artist, ect.. It isn’t something i can be in control of anyway, which upsets me less than it used to.

Sometimes in the past, the way i write characters has often been analyzed by the gender I am, or appear to be - that my male characters were written like how a woman writes men (too emotional/vulnerable, ect) , or how my female characters are written thoughtlessly- like how a man would. (too horny, stupid, violent, ect.) Its not a new way to analyze a story but I can’t say that it doesn’t annoy me. It could still be true that my characters/writing could fall into sexist/problematic archetypes, but gendering my work based on the way my characters act always reminds me of the “you draw like a girl/boy” comments, which used to be more frequent when i was a teen.. But the idea that boys = angular, good at cars! Or something and girls are, i dunno, gonna draw sexy anime men or something. Even as a teenager, i hated this idea that my art was “girl art.” Truthfully, i always viewed my art and myself as an artist as genderfluid, maybe even a type of drag performance, where i can explore any gender and not be limited by my body, it was my escape from that. Which naturally, it became my place to explore gender presentation and eventually helped me “crack my egg” of realizing i was a trans man.

I do think its important to reflect or regard my work as the art made by a trans man, or transmasculine person. I feel more and more just like “just a dude” these days. I am also a gay man. I think those things are important to my work. I think that the analysis of my work in regards to my identity as a person is important to reflect on. I also think the steps I took to get there were important, that transformation and my continued exploration of my older selves and more “label-less” self in the art i make. That’s a private space for me, that I happen to share with the world too. I feel the audience is part of my work too, I welcome it even. I have become part of the audience too and I look at my work as if I’m also a stranger. The older my work gets, the more of it I can study, the more I can see plainly how I got here and also it feels so confusing how it did. I try to study my art to help me find where I want to go to next, a map to guide me.

In some ways, I feel more lost than I did before, where all my instinct was pushing me was just to grow and explore as much as possible. Now, I don’t have that same type of energy that I used to. Its not a bad thing, its just different. There’s a sense of duty and commitment and a sense of dread of the time it takes to do what I feel compelled to do on this step of my journey. I am trying to focus more on the things I used to think I was incapable of before and I’m trying to remember the things I used to think were so effortless. I can tell my art is sharper but it feels almost like a mimicry of my older selves - at least when I revisit old work to continue its journey past where its been frozen in time. Comics take a long time, after all, it's normal that after a few years - a story might be yours, but it feels like it belongs to the past of you too, maybe more than it does in the present. I like the commitment I have to my comics though, its not a burden to me. The feeling is strange anyway.

I tend to think that 1-3 years of a project being made, those are the honeymoon years of the relationship. But you hit a wall in 4-5 years and sometimes you’re in denial about it, you try to keep the dreams and feeling alive as you drag it forward, and sometimes the project really reaches its end around 8-10 years and it becomes a type of empty promise to return to it. Not that this is true for every artist, every project, ect. But I think its a natural lifespan for comics that I’ve observed, and it's because it is uncomfortable to face morality and the morality of our own art. Art is this escape, and when it becomes a job - or an uncomfortable mirror into these things about ourselves, about our failures and promises we couldn’t manage to make, the pressures of the audience, the boredom of the task if you have already told yourself the story a thousand times and you have no longer a desire to continue it, ect - its a normal and natural feeling to want to drop it off a cliff. Blow it up, start over fresh - I know the feeling! Its happened many times. But its kind of temporary? Then, it cycles back to nostalgia - and the desire to create and recreate and reform the past to something tangible again.. uh

Sorry, sorry.. I am getting far from the point I started with. Not that any of this makes too much sense, I feel like writing it anyway. It bothers me that the fantasy of art to me, is the ability to dissolve yourself and stop existing, you are the creator creating. You don’t need to be confined by, really anything. It is in “your control” now, and you surrender your own control by falling into the art and letting it “lead you” places. This is a very seductive process and while it might temporarily be fulfilling (even when done for a lifetime) cannot really.. What.. completely fill the void of whatever you’re chasing down there? Its nice though. At least, when I think about when i first started drawing comics, it was to draw Vash the Stampede (from the original 98 anime series, i hate the new one. We’re not talking about there here) coming out of my television after a thunderstorm and he had to just live in my house now. It was the closest thing I could do to actually manifesting that as reality, of making this amazing anime husband come to life to just like live with me now and be my boyfriend. In a lot of ways I don’t see my pursuit of writing ocs, specifically male ones, really much different from this same desire of like “i can just make my perfect boyfriend!” born out of the loneliness I felt in my heart, and the fear that there is no boyfriend out there for me so i need to frankenstein my own - and this boyfriend will be poifect in every way. Or like, crafting the perfect “relationship” in replace the lack of one, or just the fantasy of watching very abstract extremes come to life in various puppets i crafted, beating the shit out of each other for entertainment. But to subject all these.. Abstract Internal conflicts as simply like a “boy author thing” or “girl author thing” is like.. Tiring. Are we really not past that? (Of course not.)

Like there’s some hidden truth to the way someone might write/draw, the way that “makes sense” in retrospect once the identity of the author is analyzed and discovered.. How can you make sense of the self, let alone the other .. and In a way that’s permanent? And gendered? Does art now have an inherent sex characteristic? But I cannot deny that I do want my art to look and feel like part of who I am, what I have chosen to sexually identify as - a transgender, a man, a faggot. I DO identify as a sexual deviant, but that is hilarious because I have been single for so long at this point I can’t even remember in a tangible way what that felt like and I question if I ever felt it or experienced it “for realsies” because of the experiences I have had or havent didn’t feel very fulfilling or romantic, despite that being something I desire so much - and so I feel like a failure. And to create art just based on the fantasy of desire rather than the lived reality, can it even really display what that would actually be like. So its embarrassing, right?

I have worked on my art a lot and I have often thought, or come to the conclusion (true or not) that my singleness is the result of my pursuit and dedication to art - which is the pursuit of self isolation and protection from harm. From influence, from acknowledging that life can exist and someday end. And when you work on projects for years and years, the pride/shame dichotomy only gets more.. Weird. It gets weird, guys! It always was weird, but.. I just think about so many my heroes, my art inspirations, working decades on their art.. I follow in their footsteps too and it feels scarier and lonelier than I expected it to be. And the more and more I realized that as a reality, as my 20s faded away, the more I kept walking. I wasn’t gonna stop now, even if I could, I don’t want to and its not hard to do other things too. I have a slower pace than I used to (thank god) and gets slower but I’m still moving.

I don’t post or write my little art journals as much as I used to. Mostly cause I don’t really have anything good to say and it kinda feels embarrassing to post them too LOL. But.. whatever!! Its been a weird four months of me being off work and I’m about to go back to being a normal working person again.. But its like, its weird to tell people about your art when they ask about what you do. Its like “oh yeah, i draw webcomics” and they wont get it, you’ll say - “yeah its 8,000 pages long” and they’ll say, “thats a lot!” and it is. They’re very nice about it, but there’s a lack of satisfaction there with what that means. I don’t expect it, that’d be dumb as hell. Its nice to take a break from it too, to discover other sides of myself I never let shine because i stayed indoors for a decade, but its a weird feeling too. Like, what will it mean in the end? I don’t really know.

I don’t think I need “success” to feel like this was worth it, its not like a trophy is gonna come in the mail for the good workTM I’ve done - there is no closure to the work I make even when a story finishes. I have to keep going regardless of that, and its strange to know it won’t ever feel done. But I am so thirsty for that temporary itch to be scratched, it keeps me working every day for the “maybe” of what that might feel like. Kinda silly, really. Is it my “male” pride that demands recognition? Would respect be given more freely if I had “remained” to be perceived as a woman, for subverting the expectations for what a woman can/can’t write? (lol) Is my value as a person determined by that sort of thing in my art? I don’t think of my pride as gendered, but I know its there and I know because of who I say I am, my pride will be gendered by others. I think when I was a woman, that pissed me off more than now because.. Well.. I wasn’t even living as the way i wanted to. I still don’t really live as the way I want to, the way I want to be perceived, but even being on HRT for a little more than 1 year, without much else lifestyle changes, I feel a little more at peace not mattering what others will take away from me or what i write about. I have a lot of my own expectations for myself and what i write about and that concerns me far more.

I don’t really know how else to end this, I’m going to eat chocolate now. Oh, to answer your question (?) if you might have this one: can I think of you as a male artist, kosmic? sure. I am one after all.

#whoops! long post #its very rambly sorry #webcomics

74 notes · View notes

lxstfathier · 1 month

Text

old jedi texts

Master! Luke Skywalker x reader

Minific

Summary: you’re horny and needy, but luke is busy, so you de decide to have fun on your own… but he didn’t expected you to ride his arm.

Warnings: arm riding, slight degradation, dom! luke (obviously), outdoors activities.

A/N: i still don’t know how, but you guys won the poll!! so here it is, as i promised, the arm riding fic! personally i’m not sure if i like it, it’s probably not my best work lmao, but i hope that at least all of my luke girlies enjoy this! 💗

“Not now, i’m busy” that’s what Luke told you, nearly five hours ago.

It’s a free day at the jedi academy. Most of his padawans are meditating or doing chores, with an exception of the younglings, they usually just watch the holo movies that r2d2 projects all evening. You are laying down on a blanket, in the middle of a bamboo forest, enjoying the last rays of sunshine, and of course, Luke is laying by your side too.

But he’s been reading the old jedi texts all day. Without a single break. And you haven’t been able to distract him, not when you told him to eat some fruit with you, and not even when you insinuated that you could have some fun together while finally alone.

And it’s not that he neglects you, no, most of the time he’s an amazing lover, but today you just can’t get him to stop. He’s stubborn on finishing at least two of those thick books. It doesn’t matter how much you try, if you kiss his neck or if you slightly run your hand over the crotch of his black sweatpants, nothing will change his mind.

Maybe it would be easier if he wasn’t so tempting. How are you supposed to not feel needy if he’s right there, wearing nothing but those sweatpants, with his bare bare torso showing all his toned muscles, while teasing the pages of the books with the tips of his fingers. It’s too much.

The tingle reappears between your legs, and you can already feel the wetness pooling down there. So you decide to try one last time. Maybe it results on him scolding you, or maybe he finally pounds you right there until the blanket ends up drenched in sweat and cum. And there’s only one way to find out.

Getting closer to him, you run a finger through his lips, and then make your way down his chest, drawing circles on the soft skin.

“Please fuck me” you plead, using your most seductive voice, the one that you know makes him melt.

“I’ll fuck you at night” he says, slightly annoyed but at least taking his blue eyes off the book to look at you for a few seconds. “Now, if you’re so horny, you can hump my thigh.”

Your lips form a pout immediately. You’ve humped his thigh countless times before, and even though you enjoy it, you want something different… and that’s when a certain idea comes straight to your mind.

Moving your hand, your finger makes its way to his left arm, tracing his bulky bicep and the vein that runs through it. So masculine, so strong, and so damn hot. You can’t recall how many times you have stared at his arms more than you should, clenching your thighs together at the sight of those muscles.

So you sit up, gently moving his hand away from the book, just to make his arm lay on the blanket.

And for a moment Luke thinks that maybe you want him to finger you, but once he reads your thoughts, he knows exactly what do you want, and how kinky you’re about to get.

“You can keep reading” you say as you lift up your skirt and straddle his arm, pressing your clothed pussy against his bicep. “I don’t want to distract you”.

Well, of course he is distracted now, and he can already feel the blood rushing to his cock. But he won’t fall for it, no, after all these years he is an expert at self-control, so he just lets you do your thing while he pretends to concentrate on his book again.

Moving your panties to the side, you start to slowly rock your hips back and forth, while your hands rest on his shoulder and your eyes close shut. Just concentrating on how good it feels to be riding his arm.

Soft moans escape from your lips, and it’s not long until you find the perfect rhythm, grinding your clit and sticky folds against him at a pace that has you seeing stars.

“Such a needy slut” Luke growls, his book now long forgotten, way too distracted with your lustful actions to be able to read. “Look at you, humping my arm like a hound in heat”.

“Sorry” you whine. “Couldn’t help it”.

You won’t last long, not after you’ve been so pent-up all day, finally getting your much needed relief. And he knows it, so he decides to help you a little bit, using the force to send intense vibrations straight to you clit.

“Ah!- Luke!”.

A cocky smile appears on his lips when he hears you moan his name like that, so pornographic, while you can’t help but move your hips faster and dig your nails on his tanned skin.

He would be lying if he said that it didn’t boost his ego to see you lose yourself in such a pathetic way. Just with his arm.

“Cum for me pretty girl” Luke commands, that stern tone in his voice only sending you over the edge.

The burning fire on your lower belly gets stronger with each movement of your hips, now riding his bicep desperately fast, trying to enjoy the feeling just a bit more, until you can’t control any of it.

Suddenly, your orgasm snaps and you come undone, whimpering as the pleasure consumes every part of your body. So intense that it’s almost too much. Not even noticing that you created a huge mess all over his arm, making it glisten under the evening sun with your sweet juices.

“Yeah, that’s it” he praises you while you ride out your high, running his gloved hand over your thigh. “Are you happy now?”.

“Mhm” is all you can answer.

“Good, cause i still need to finish reading this”.

Luke doesn’t sound annoyed anymore. Actually, he enjoyed the show, it was quite… interesting. But as much as he would love to give you more attention and fuck your brains out immediately, he can’t, he is a busy man and must get back to his jedi studies.

So, with trembling legs, you get off his arm and lay down again, cuddling up by his side. It wasn’t too tiring, but maybe you’re more relaxed now that you got some release, causing you to feel sleepy once the high is over.

“You can take a nap if you want” Luke says, sensing your exhaustion as he runs a hand through your hair. “I gotta study a few more chapters”.

You don’t even answer, you just close your eyes and rest for a while, hearing the beating of his heart and the soothing quietness in the middle of the bamboo forest.

And he keeps reading. Or at least tries to. His mind is still thinking about you, occupied by the image of your pretty pussy rubbing against his bicep, and the cute noises you made while doing it. So now you’re going to pay a high price for that distraction.

Actually… he’s already planning all the things he’ll do to you at night.

#luke skywalker x reader #luke skywalker fanfiction #luke skywalker smut #star wars smut

64 notes · View notes

panlight · 1 month

Note

not sure if you’ve touched on this before hint i’ve been curious lately: does edward actually like alice and bella or does he just appreciate their gifts? i’m not quite sure how to explain it but the more i think about it, the less alice seems like the kind of person edward would like. she seems to be more self-interested and cunning than the saint-like characters edward typically reveres. i’ve been wondering if their bond is less about a genuine like for each other and more about an understanding of each other's gifts.

i know edward's attraction to bella as a person vs her silent mind has been discussed before. do you think edward would've fallen for bella if she were more like characters like rosalie and jessica? for instance, assuming her mind were still closed off to him, would edward still have found bella fascinating if he perceived her to be vain and materialistic?

This is part of why I'm less interested in the gifts stuff that a lot of other people. I think it does muddy the waters with things like this. Like, are Edward and Alice actually compatible as siblings/friends or is it just like "you're the only one who understands because our author gave us these specific gifts?" And at the end of the day maybe it doesn't super matter; they DO have those gifts and it DOES help them understand one another so what it would be like without them only really matters if you're writing some All Human AU that removes the supernatural. In their world, compatibility with gifts is a thing, and probably just as valid as other kinds of compatibility and sympathy.

It is interesting that Edward thinks Rose is selfish and vain but loves Alice, when you know if it were Rosalie spending all this money on clothes they only wear once and throwing parties he would see it as another sign of her poor moral character. But part of it may be that Alice and Edward are different enough that they don't annoy each other in the same way Rose and Edward do. Both of them are more melancholy, more negative, more judgmental. Alice is more fun and happy and extroverted so Edward probably doesn't see his own flaws in her the same way he does in Rose (although they can be similar, too, in their sort of manipulative "I know best" dealings).

With Bella I think the gifts thing is even more of a factor. I mean if he could hear Bella's thoughts he'd be getting a lot of "Edward is SO hot" because that's what her narration is in the book, and I don't know that he's find that any different than how Jessica or whoever thinks about him. But because he can't read her mind, he's able to project on her, and also interpret her choices and actions in flattering ways rather than negative ways as he does with most people. And like I get it. I certainly think things I wouldn't say or do. I'm very patient and helpful at my job at the library, for example, but in my head when I see certain people coming and asking for help I'm like "ugggggh not THIS person" and "why can't you do this yourself?!?!" so if Edward were reading my mind he might be like "oh she's not as nice as she seems, she's two-faced, what a scoundrel!" when it's really just . . . being human?

If Bella's behavior was more like Rose and Jessica but Edward couldn't read her mind, that would be interesting. I guess if she also still smelled delicious he might fall for her, and then make up flattering explanations or excuses for the behaviors he doesn't like in others. "She just moved here/she's lonely/she misses her mother/she will grow out of it/whatever" when he's not willing/able to extend that same grace to Jessica because he can read her mind and judges her on her thoughts.

And this isn't me badmouthing Edward; I'm sure it WOULD be genuinely hard NOT to judge people when you're hearing what they are thinking all the time. That's going to flavor your perceptions of people in a major way. But I do think it's not really a fair or accurate view of a person, because what we DO and SAY matters more than what we think. We can have bad thoughts and re-direct them. We can think something mean and choose not to say it. We can internally grumble but do the Right Thing anyway.

I also think having the first two people he spent any time with being the uncommonly "good" Carlisle (super compassion!) and Esme (unconditional love) probably didn't help Edward get a realistic picture of what most people's thoughts are like. Judging a teenager's developing brain against a centuries-old compassion-motivated vampire doctor isn't gonna be a fair comparison. "Carlisle would never think like that" sure but he's also been actively choosing to fight baser instincts for hundreds of years, and Jessica's a 17-year-old navigating social cliques and history exams. They are not the same.

#asks

57 notes · View notes

suzukiblu · 5 months

Note

who is match?

That . . . is a slightly complicated question, friend, because he keeps getting either retconned or getting given VERY alternate origins, hah. When I'M talking about him, I'm usually talking about specifically this version:

THAT Match is the OG version from the nineties, who was created by the Agenda as a clone of Superboy and meant to be the first draft/test run of a line of metahuman clone soldiers they wanted to produce to, like, sell to the highest bidder. He's an asshole who insists that he has no free will and therefore can't be enslaved while VERY CLEARLY BEING A PERSON WITH FREE WILL WHO IS BEING ENSLAVED, and the Agenda mostly trots him out to pretend to be Superboy and fuck with Project Cadmus or the superhero community in general or just try to murder Superboy/Young Justice/whoever they're annoyed with this week, I guess. His whole thing is he's better-educated than Superboy and knows more about literally everything but especially how their powers work, because he got the full education uploads (AND THE FULL INDOCTRINATION UPLOADS, JUST SAYIN') while Superboy got yanked out of his own cloning tube early and saved from . . . well, at least SOME of the mind control that Cadmus was gonna stuff in his head. SOME of it.

( goddammit, Lex )

This Match considers Superboy obsolete and himself as a better, updated version of their design, and again, is way better-educated and better with their powers. He is also way less creative and self-motivated, however, which tends to bite him in the ass when Superboy decides to get batshit in their fights. Like, that's generally how Superboy beats him, when he does: he just does something absolutely fucking STUPID and it works because Match is thinking "no one would actually be that stupid--oh my GOD how are you THIS STUPID?!?!"

Later on for no apparent reason they decided to have him genetically degrade and go Bizarro in Teen Titans, which annoyed the fuck out of me because it's actually the literal worst possible thing you could do to a character who prides themselves on being an improved design and more intelligent than their rival/enemy/foil, but like . . . the narrative was not really examining that, from what I know of it, the narrative was just "oh Bizarro Superboy is here to upset/freak out everybody while Kon is dead and also now he's being mind-controlled by an asshole and the good guys are . . . fine with that? for some reason??" and just . . . sigh. SIGH. And then he gets fucking murdered and used for scrap parts to make MORE Superboy clones, which oh my god, fucking horrifying TOO and YET . . .

Though apparently in Rebirth, he's alive again and they've semi-redone his origin and made him a clone of Superboy that Amanda Waller has inexplicably managed to produce and even more inexplicably somehow uploaded all of Kon's memories into? Somehow?? And is forcing to work on the Suicide Squad for her, because fuck Amanda Waller, jfc. And for a while in there he thought he WAS Kon, because like, how the fuck would he have known different. So that was fun for him to find out about, I guess! Especially because he ALSO started to Bizarro-degenerate about five seconds into that particular realization.

FYI KON HAS TRIED TO SAVE THIS BOY SO MANY TIMES AND IT HAS NEVER WORKED. NEVER. IT KILLS ME.

Also he seems to have inherited Kon's thing for older women along with his presumable memories, cough cough cough.

And ALSO there's a version of Match in Young Justice Animated who is actually OLDER than Conner, because he was directly cloned from purely Kryptonian DNA and then failed as a weapon because he wasn't controllable, and Project Kr was created as a hybridized clone after he became too unmanageable to use. He's apparently just full-stop psychotically violent due to shitty mental conditioning and instability in his Kryptonian DNA, and very much unbalanced, which is waaaaay different than the more calculating and educated version we first got in the comics.

It actually low-key makes me insane that they apparently just decided to make a character who was all uncontrollable violence and rage and just, like . . . never revisit him or actually HELP him despite the fact that he is EXPLICITLY both mentally AND physically compromised and therefore can't really be considered to be, you know, an informed asshole making informed asshole decisions any more than Conner was when his pod first got cracked. Project Match is a fucking baby who's had a very shit excuse for a "life" and has been CONDITIONED to respond violently AND is effectively suffering from a genetic disorder, but we're just gonna . . . ignore that, I guess . . . and punish him for it? I guess?? For being how he was made and not having the mental capacity to figure out how to be anything else in the, like, thirty fucking seconds of actual consciousness the series allows him??

And I am just not gonna talk about what they did to him in the tie-in comic, hahaha. FUCK that tie-in comic.

( one day I will write fix-it fic for you, YJ Animated Match. one day. I AM COMING FOR YOU. BE STRONG. )

#dreamerking27 #rintalk #long post #god I got INTO this lol #I USED VISUAL AIDS FFS #whatever no regrets #not sorry

131 notes · View notes

blues824 · 11 months

Note

♡.•° To Dearest Blues824 :

Heya! My Brain Was Going Places And Was Thinking About The Dorm Head's With An Alastor (From Hazbin Hotel) Like Reader? :D

☆.•° - You Can Call Me Stardust Anon If Ya Want!

I see what you did there, Stardust Anon!

Gender-neutral reader, supposed to be platonic since Alastor is aromantic, but can be interpreted as romantic. Cursing, 1920’s slang because I’m good at it.

Riddle Rosehearts

You were definitely very loud and boisterous, but he just chalked it up to your radio personality that was typically required of you. Aside from that, the two of you got along quite well with each other. You both used the same sort of formal language, but you did not know how to use a phone. You actually hated it a lot, and the Housewarden found it rather amusing.

One thing he found absolutely infuriating about you was how you thought the Queen’s Rules were absolutely laughable. However, since you were a demon, you were able to memorize each of them and went along with them out of pure boredom. But, when someone was disrespecting the rules, you wouldn’t hesitate to resort to violence. Riddle has had to tell you that the punishment for breaking a rule would simply be a collar rather than a black eye and a bruise about their neck, but you shrugged your shoulders with a smile and went on with your day like normal.

He could tell that you were from a different time period, since you often used slang that was popular in the 1920’s. Even in Twisted Wonderland, it existed. You once caught him while he was doing his makeup and you asked why he was getting ‘all dolled up’. The question caught him by surprise, as he had never heard any of his peers ask it like that before.

Leona Kingscholar

He absolutely despised you. He thought you were too loud, and you often disrupted his naps along with the annoying hunter. Like, you were right next to him. You didn’t need to use your weird-ass microphone to project your voice to the cosmos. He may be sleeping, but he can hear you when you speak normally.

During his overblot, you were not afraid to use your power as a demon and as an Overlord of Hell to put an end to it within seconds. Actually, someone had to stop you so that you didn’t kill Leona. In the infirmary, you apologized and said that old habits die hard. His eyes widened when he asked about and processed what in the actual fuck you just said and you just laughed before leaving the room.

There was one time where you had invited him to walk to your classes with you, but he refused and said that he would much rather be sleeping. You told him to not be such a pill, and he was so confused. Bro looked it up, and was then offended that you called him boring in a 1920’s sort of way. Now he just calls you ‘gramps’ because you’re old.

Azul Ashengrotto

Also despised how loud you were, and thought that the microphone you carried with you was excessive. However, the first time he saw you quiet was when you told him that you were the one that did the deals around here and benefitted from them. Now he prefers your boisterous self more than your quiet self.

He has seen your secretly violent nature when Floyd snuck up behind you to try and squeeze you. A tendril came up from out of the ground and wrapped itself around the tweel’s neck, and it started to suffocate him. Azul was absolutely horrified as he screamed at you to stop, but you just had your big smile on your face. The only way he was able to tell that you weren’t happy was how you said, through gritted teeth, that you did not appreciate the eel’s actions.

One thing about you that always leaves the cecaelia confused was the slang you used. Like, you once compared the Mostro Lounge to a speakeasy, but instead of selling liquor he was selling dreams at the cost of a [most likely illegal] contract. He was about to say something about underage drinking when he remembered that you were a demon who has been alive since before the 30’s. That being said, you were of-age.

Kalim Al-Asim

It was Jamil who told him to stay away from you, but you just looked so friendly. Imagine him as a more ditzy version of Charlie, and Jamil as Vaggie. However, you had no plans to take advantage of him. He had nothing to take advantage of, or nothing that you wanted at least, as you were already the Housewarden of Ramshackle.

Your violent side came out when you saw that the Vice Housewarden of Scarabia was hypnotizing Kalim. You used your magic and held him by the throat (much like Darth Vader) and leaned in close. You made his vision go staticky and said that if he were to do something that you did not agree with, there would be heavy consequences to pay. It was fortunate that Kalim was not there to see your little threat.

The young Al-Asim was always awe-struck by the 1920’s terminology you often used. You told him that Jamil was such a wet blanket and Kalim had no idea what you just said. You explained that a wet blanket was someone who was a killjoy or a ‘party pooper’, to make it a bit more modern for him to understand.

Vil Schoenheit

He could tell that your happy and friendly persona was really a mask. After all, it takes an actor to know an actor. However, you seemed to have even Rook fooled, so he had to give you kudos for your act. He didn’t tip anyone off either, but it’s not like you would have minded being known as the most powerful being within Twisted Wonderland.

You showed your relentless and more sadistic side when Vil made a rather passive-aggressive remark about the way you dressed. Sure, it was a bit older and on the more formal side, but that gave him no right. So you used a tendril from Hell to snatch him off the ground and emphasize your point and say that it was better than the pool of fabric he called an ‘outfit’. You also said that any snide statement about you again and it would result in his untimely death and arrival in Hell.

The only reason why he knew about your slang was the fact that he had to play the role of a mobster in the 1920’s before in a movie. He’s even translated for you when you said that his outfit to match you was swanky. He said something about how he wanted to put on the Ritz for the upcoming photoshoot, and Epel just stared at the two of you, confused as to what the fuck you were saying.

Idia Shroud

You reminded him of a character from a popular show, and you had the microphone, suit, and smile to match. Honestly, he reminded you of a certain god of the underworld, but you couldn’t quite place your finger on it. That aside, you both were the exact opposite of each other. You were really loud and extroverted, while he was really quiet and introverted. You often liked teasing him and making him flustered and just moving on like it was nothing, and it left him with a whirlwind of emotions.

The one time you showed your aggressive side was during the time where the Phantom Bride kidnapped him. The only one who could torment your dear friend was you, and not some dame dolled up to the Ritz who was already bumped off the Flivver. Now, you typically were one to make some snide remark, but you were past that. There was no reason to bump gums when none of the other Housewardens were helping Idia out of his rather strange predicament.

He was surprised when you had summoned a tentacled monster of some sort and you threatened to have the ‘little’ monster drag them to Hell for interfering with matters in the overworld. Eliza let out a shriek as she hid behind Puffy and Gramps, shaking out of fear upon recognition of your name. You were one of the Overlords of Hell, after all.

Malleus Draconia

You were rather amusing, at least according to the dragon prince. You were also much more powerful than him, a fact that only his retainers found absolutely horrifying. Instead, he was actually very interested in you. You dressed and talked in a much different way than he did, but it was very… snazzy?... as you once said.

The more demonic side that you had made its debut during each of the overblots, and every time someone had a problem that they wanted you to deal with. You made it a point to emphasize time and time again that you were a demon who would do charity work when you wanted to, not when someone asked. After all, you needed some form of entertainment, and this was not it. Malleus often offers to order his knights to stop people from harassing you, but you told him, in a grim and menacing way, that you would love to give them a painful reminder.

One time, as you both were going on a typical nightly walk, he asked if you could show him what your time period was like. So, you being you, broke into a jazzy musical number as you used your magic to bring him into a little scene from the 20’s. He was dressed in a similar suit as you, and you used your mic to sing a song about what exactly happened in the world and to you right up until your death. Honestly, he didn’t really care that you were a cannibal. As a member of the royal family within Briar Valley, nothing phases him anymore.

247 notes · View notes

compacflt · 10 months

Note

I just wanted to say as someone who has stumbled across your blog and has read your Wednesday wips and posts about anything topgun related that your thought process and consideration of mav and ice, specifically their political beliefs and relationships with their own identities, is honestly so impressive and cool. You have brought such realism and life to these characters which is just so refreshing to see. idk i just wanted to express how cool and awesome i think that is

Because of the thought into these characters does it make it difficult to like them or understand them if you have differing opinions from them? for me personally i feel like if i were to ever actually have a convo with ice or mav regarding identity politics i would actually start to lose my mind (like how one feels when your dad or fun uncle talks for too long at thanksgiving dinner). If it does make them difficult to like, does that make it difficult for you to write them sometimes?

oh yeah! i think, my ice i really empathize with & really love & really could get along with, once he grows out of the sexism of his teens & twenties, but my maverick drives me crazy. someone sent in an ask a while ago that was like “WHY is cyclone simpson your one true love??” And it’s because i too would absolutely hate maverick & hate working with him lol. people who are overly cocky & un-self-aware & a bit self-centered make me CRAZY. (narrator voice: compacflt is a hypocrite as all these things also apply to compacflt.)

Politically… It’s difficult to say. no one really wants to hear the intricacies of one person’s political journey, which is why i won’t give you mine, but suffice to say—since the start of the russian invasion of Ukraine, and my semi-concerted effort to learn more about the political landscape of modern warfare, my own personal beliefs have shifted a whole bunch. definitely aided in that shift by my top gun fic project that specifically aims to understand the conservative straight-passing male mindset as it relates to military matters… there are many end goals to a project like mine, but one end product is a filter you can take away and hold up in front of your eyes and see the world through it. When writing from the eyes of a conservative straight (passing) white man, your priorities totally shift. I had to write from the perspective of someone who doesn’t care about identity politics. Because they don’t! A core tenet of conservatism is very proudly not caring about that stuff, and being very annoyed when people (usually left-of-centers) make that stuff very visible and want you to care about it! “Don’t shove it in my face,” etc., etc. Don’t force me to care about this taboo, private thing I really don’t care about. It violates my freedoms, or whatever, to be forced to care—or even bear witness to—stuff that i don’t care about. Etc. And then, to be nominally a part of that community that you really, really don’t care about, and then to be told that you have to care about it because of your publicity… people asking you to be proud of something that has had a negative connotation for much of your entire life… that’s not a transformation that happens easily.

Jesus, I could write an essay about this. I have, several times by now in responses to asks over my blog. But there is so much that I could talk about. I think… I really worry that some of my writing falls into the first of the below categories:

I really try not to romanticize conservatism in my writing—I tried to show that ice and mav’s happiness is the price they pay for their conservatism. They’re actively choosing to be unhappy—but because they prioritize their honor over everything, due to EXTERNAL PRESSURES they cannot control, and which I think are often ignored in the fandom space for one reason or another. The fact of the matter is, in 99% of IPs, characters prioritize something other than their sexualities. It’s never Maverick’s personal identity that is at stake in either Top Gun or Top Gun: Maverick, because he has built himself so impermeably masculine that there are no grounds upon which to question his personal identity. He just isn’t thinking about it. He’s thinking about how to get into Charlie’s pants, how to win the Top Gun trophy, how to uphold his promise to Goose, et cetera. If he’s fucking guys on the side, it’s because he wants to and because hes maverick and he does what he wants without thinking about it—that’s the whole point of his character, from a story-construction standpoint. That’s his archetype. He’s a renegade maverick superstar who is both thoughtlessly brilliant and thoughtlessly dangerous. He’s thoughtless. His priorities are to survive and to look cool doing it, and that’s it. He is a savant in the Naval Air Force, where honor is your lifeblood, who feels he has been dishonored by his own family name, and who willingly joined the conservative post-Vietnam Navy right when/after Ronald Reagan was elected President, and who wears cowboy boots and who disrespects women to their faces, and who is eager to get into altercations with Soviet-Chinese-DPRK-X-second-world-country-coded-but-EXPLICITLY-Soviet-manufactured-Mikoyan-Gurevich-MiG-28s(-F-5s-painted-black)… I’m sorry. In my opinion, the conservatism is baked into him as a character. I find it extremely difficult to separate him from his conservatism, because in some ways his patriotic conservatism is his raison d’etre. IMO if you take that away from him, he ceases to exist.

Same thing with Ice and his unwillingness to openly rebel or go against the grain. That is his whole reason to exist in the story at all. I know that I’m saying this in a fandom space where the whole point is to change characters & put them in different situations (fanfic) but… in kind of a perverse self aware way, as in I know I sound ridiculous and pretentious, i guess i don’t really understand an impulse to change the core tenets of a character irreparably in fanworks. We are shown that ice always goes by the books in TG. Then we are shown that he achieves the fruits of that labor (four stars) in TGM. So he is rewarded for never rebelling, whereas Maverick, who always rebels (but NEVER in a way that challenges his personal identity), has stagnated in the ranks at full-bird O-6. And that’s Ice’s character. That’s what he’s there for in the story—he’s a tool to show us the value system of rank and prestige you earn by following the rules of the Navy. Why take that away from him? That’s his priority! Canonically, that’s his priority and reason for existence! And historically the way to achieve that priority is through conservatism.

And you ask me if it’s hard to like my ice and mav. Yes, but that’s not my choice. The movie already did that for me. They are not, I’m sorry, likable people. I am not a straight white conservative male writing about straight white conservative men to validate my own beliefs—I’m a queer AFAB person of color writing about straight white conservative men because I want to understand the limits of their conservatism. What they do and do not care about, and what it takes to make them care. And from what we are shown in TG… ice and mav would not care about ME. At all. And they would not want to be forced to care about me. Ice’s casual careless dismissiveness… “the plaque for the alternates is down in the ladies’ room…” mav following Charlie into the bathroom… turning the key in the ignition and driving away while pretending not to hear her… “what?? i can’t hear you! 🙉” … they do not care. They have no desire to care.

Again. Maybe I subscribe to a very very old-school and labored and pretentious ideology when it comes to writing… I know a lot of people write just to have fun. I do not. I wish i could, but I don’t. And when you’re not writing to have fun, you don’t have to like the characters you’re writing about. They’re nothing more than tools at your disposal to get your point across more effectively. No, I don’t like them! Of course not! My ice is cruel and cowardly and careless and hypocritical and subservient and weak, and my mav is demanding and dangerous and dismissive and oblivious and so, so, so unbelievably bitter.

And that’s what my story needed, to get my point across. So, shrug. My point was my priority. I don’t care too much about the characters themselves.

Re: icemav & identity politics. Part of hopefully selling this story is the attempt at empathy for the conservative male, to bring this discussion back to the top. Why write fiction at all if you’re not going to write about people different from you, and why write about people different from you if you don’t want to understand them? So… part of trying to understand them was to understand and have empathy for this shift in priorities. Conservative guys do not want to care about labels, or sexual orientations, or, God forbid, discussion of their gender identities. I can kind of see Ice tolerating it by the end… but, there are limits. Again, it’s supposed to be private. I think he’d chafe against getting labeled gay—he wouldn’t want to be called the first gay compacflt, or SECNAV, etc. He can’t say, “i slept with like a hundred fifty women before I even MET the ONLY man ive ever slept with,” because that’s like intensely private personal information!! No one deserves that information, but people still want to call him gay, even though in his head he really is not!!!! Again—from the conservative perspective, it’s a public imposition of left-wing, overly sexualized, too-neat labels and politics onto an area of life that has typically been kept private and respectable—I don’t agree with the conservatism, but I can at least empathize with it. Pre-Maverick’s death (pre-coming to terms with it), it would’ve been shameful & embarrassing to him; but even after coming to terms with it, it’s still not something he “takes pride” in. I think he thinks of it like this—most people aren’t proud of being straight. Like, it’s weird if you are. Same thing with being proud of being white, etc. Why be excessively proud of things you have no control over? Why not take pride in your ACTIONS—for instance, his career that he has actively sacrificed so much of his pride for? I can really empathize with that thought. I don’t necessarily agree, but I get it, especially in his professional circumstances, where he has so much to be professionally proud of, and yet people keep wanting him to publicly care about this private part of him he has no control over and can’t change.

Maverick though. I think he’d be actively hostile about talking about it in public. He Does Not Care. he does not want to care. It’s all an insult. They call him the first openly gay Ace cause he’s married to another man— “okay, but, like, I’m not. Stop calling me that. Neither of us are. Oh my god we have slept with so many women. Stop calling us that.” Ok then what do you want us, the press corps, to call you? First openly bisexual Ace? “No that’s worse!! That’s a word some teenager made up and doesn’t mean anything!! I’m sixty years old stop asking me to talk about this stuff im too old.” What do you have to say to LGBT kids who want to go into the navy? “😎👍 there’s a place for you etc etc. Let’s go back to talking about all the planes I shot down.” Maverick does what he wants without thinking about it. That’s the core tenet of his character. Very conservative. Don’t ask him to care too much.

Idk. No I don’t like them. But I understand them, if that makes sense. Like their conservative anti-label logic does make emotional sense to me. So that’s part of what I took away from this project, for better or worse… probably worse: I understand why conservatives don’t like the modern over-publicity of sexuality. They don’t care and they don’t want to care. And because they are small-C conservative, my ice and mav still don’t care lol. So, yeah. It doesn’t make them hard to write, because thats why I wanted to write them in the first place.

#what does it say about me that i put myself in their shoes & understand their position #i don’t agree with it but I understand it #the annoyance and the bad optics and the over labeling of hard-to-label sexuality #being a gay republican has got to be the seventh circle of hell #note my ice and mav are not republicans #but also note my story would not change even one bit if they were #i don’t LIKE gay republicans because they’re republicans. but i can empathize with them cause that’s gotta fucking blow.#normie median biden voter ice #now I think if a kid came up to maverick at an airshow and was like…#sir im trans and I think I want to go into the navy to fly & you’re my hero…#he’d freak out like ‘omg that means so much to me actually thanks!! it might be difficult for u i won’t lie but we need more people who #can overcome adversity…omg let me set you up with this admiral i know… yes yes yes…’#he doesn’t like the conceptual discussions but he likes the people if that makes sense #& he really likes people massaging his ego #i find them incredibly annoying. but that’s what character development is for. if u start out liking ur characters ur doing smth wrong #& if they weren’t incredibly annoying then i wouldn’t have a story to write.#pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #icemav #top gun #top gun maverick #asks #edts notes #**obvious disclaimer this is just my interpretation!!!**

68 notes · View notes

yandere-daze · 2 years

Note

random scenario but who in the self aware enstars cast would unironically say “where’s my hug at?” (i just see this happening but in an unhinged way ofc)

jsdjabda well there are a few options for that!

gn reader

tw yandere ( barely there though in this one ), kind of crack

Who in the self-aware enstars cast would unironically say “Where´s my hug at?”

So the first person I thought of when reading this ask was Rinne. He absolutely is the type of person that would say that while laughing and even opening up his arms wide, expecting you to hug him. He´s fully aware that he´s being obnoxious and annoying but he still won´t budge until you give in.

Tori says this when he´s throwing one of his childish tantrums with a pout on his face. You didn´t give him the amount of affection he clearly deserves so you better make up for it now! 100 hugs should suffice for the meantime as Yuzuru tries to calm him down ( while being kind of jealous that Tori can so easily demand affection from you)

Ritsu says this when he´s in a sleepy and clingy mood ( so always) and he demands a hug from you whenever he approaches you. Doesn´t matter if you were working on some important project or something or were talking to someone, Ritsu is now standing in front of you and demands his cuddles. He really doesn´t care if he´s making someone else uncomfortable, he needs to recharge his y/n batteries right now! Actually might just throw himself at you even before you agreed to anything.

Rei says it like a grandpa would ask their grandchild at a family reunion when they try to run off after getting their presents. He´s so offended too if you refuse him and might just pull you in his coffin with him so you two can stay bundled up together for a while. Would have been easier if you had just given him his hug from the very beginning, right?

Leo I feel is very similar to Ritsu in that regard but he also just throws himself at you on sight so is there really any point in asking in the first place if he´s already wrapping his arms around you? He´s just big on hugging you in general so expect this to be a regular occurrence

Chiaki already likes showing his affection to his unit mates so of course that also counts for you! He wants to show you how passionate he is about you so he´s also a really big hugger with you. I feel with him, saying “where´s my hug at” has a different vibe than say, with Tori. Chiaki says it while laughing heartily and so you´re probably more likely to indulge him a bit.

Omg, I almost forgot but I swear Kaoru would say that without any sort of shame! He´s so flirty with you, it´s almost overwhelming and so he would love to touch you as much as possible! Just, unbelievably touchy. He would think he´s being so smooth and slick about it too 💀 He really thinks he did something there

When we´re already talking about yanderes that love teasing you and act like they´re all cool and stuff when they´re actually kind of pathetic, let´s also include Natsume in this list! Please, he already calls the player “kitten” of all things in-game, he would say this and you know it. You may not want to accept it but he would say that with a smirk on his face and think he´s sooo charming about it and that there´s no way you will refuse.

I realize I kind of made this more silly than unhinged in the end but I hope you still like it! ajrakbrl

389 notes · View notes

bluegekk0 · 1 month

Text

Bit of a ramble about something that's been on a mind for a while, about HK and the AU. Not really a vent, but just wanted to talk about it. It's pretty long so I'll hide it.

My relationship with HK these days is a bit complicated, to be honest. I absolutely adore the game, I get this warm feeling every time I hear the soundtrack and I still get the itch to replay it from time to time. It's a work for art and I'm so, so grateful I played it, even if I was quite late to the party all things considered.

But I can't deny that I fell into the rabbithole of having too many headcanons where I can't engage with other people to the extent I perhaps used to. I don't like many of the popular characters nearly as much as the fandom does, and those that are close to my heart I interpret in a way that speaks to me, but one that feels very distant to how other people view them.

It has some downsides. I avoid looking up HK fanart and I'm slowly starting to dislike getting posts about it recommended to me in the For You tab a little bit. Not because the art is bad, far from it, there are incredible artists and other members of this community that deserve all the love in the world. It's just that it keeps reminding me that my interpretations are so personal, and headcanons that go against them almost feel like mischaracterization, as ridiculous as it sounds. Some interpretations end up upsetting me more than I'd like, too. Some of it is misinterpretations that annoy me, but some are just things I personally don't agree with.

But part of me makes me think that it's my fault somehow. I can't quite explain it, I think this is somehow rooted in my self-esteem issues. I often fear that I don't belong, that I'm doing something wrong by not following the general fanon, that my AU feels like an insult against the canon because of how derived and self-indulgent it is. I didn't have that problem before, not to this extent, but as my mental health got worse over the months, it makes sense that something like this would also start to make itself known. Or at least it makes sense to me.

So deep down I'm torn. On one hand, I get weirdly protective over my interpretations and it's gone to the point where I struggle to separate them from the versions other people talk about. On the other, I'm starting to feel guilty that my AU versions are so different that they might upset some people.

I had some moments where I considered turning them into OCs. But every time I I think about that, I reach the conclusion that no, I don't want to do that. I love them the way they are, despite their designs evolving with time, I wouldn't want to change anything about them, let alone turn them into different characters. And it's not like I'm really changing the character from the canon. Some details are different, but it's also easy to forget that we don't really know much about a lot of these characters, so in many ways I'm just filling the blanks and writing the story around it. Not to mention, adapting canon in ways that I find personally engaging is one of my favorite things about the worldbuilding and lore of the AU. And then there's all the engagement from people who like the AU and want to learn more that is genuinely the main reason why it's as expansive as it is. I don't think I would've stuck around making art for it for this long if I was doing it for myself only.

But it's not just art, knowing that people care, and getting all the interesting ideas I haven't considered inspires me to expand the world of the AU even further, I think about it in my spare time, of all the ways I could develop the world, I still get random ideas for it that I eventually want to include, I read about something in the game's lore and I immediately think of the way I could adapt it into my AU. It became a personal project that I find comfort in, and changing it would just feel wrong. And I know how my brain works (well, at least I think I do), I know I wouldn't remain as invested if I were by myself, I need to share it with other people. And I doubt they would be as interested if it wasn't for the connection to HK. I think that's natural and to be expected.

So all that leaves me in a bit of an awkward spot. I love HK, but over the last year I built a wall around me and the sandbox of my personal interpretations, that creates this disconnect between me and the rest of the fandom. I don't think that fact alone makes me upset, either. There's a reason why I'm still sitting there and playing in that sandbox to this day, and it's because I genuinely love doing it. I guess the disconnect just feeds into my already existing confidence issues and worries. Then again, I haven't really left the fandom, and I'm not planning to anytime soon. All I'm hoping for is that my low-confidence plagued brain improves, and stops telling me I'm doing something wrong by playing in the sandbox by myself.

Okay, not by myself, that would be selfish of me to say. There's still a lot of you here, people whom my silly AU clicked with, people who want to see more of it and are still there for the 6th slice of life drawing of the week. I love and appreciate you all, and I'm really grateful I can share the sandbox with you. You're the best, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm so, so happy that you found something in my art that resonated with you.

I don't know how to end this post tbh. Again, it's not really meant to be a vent post, not the usual kind at least. Even if some things about this frustrate or upset me a little bit, I think I'm slowly moving towards the acceptance stage. I don't want to change my interpretations so they're more in line with the rest of the fandom, and I don't want to force myself to engage with things that upset me just to feel like I belong. All I'm hoping is that I eventually stop having doubts; about this, and everything in general.

I guess I just wanted to share my thoughts. Maybe someone else feels like they're in a similar spot. Maybe hearing some words of encouragement that I'm not going insane with this would also help me accept the position I'm in. Maybe it's Maybelline.

#getting this off my chest felt nice #makes me wonder if anyone else has ever experienced something similar to this #not just with hk but in general #gekko.txt #feral pk au

15 notes · View notes

sunny-reis · 9 months

Text

hcs - enha as college students

notes: this isn't even an x reader (it may be in the future 👀) lmao, this is all lighthearted and i by no means intend to insult or deface any of the enhas or see them fr fr this way

heeseung: comp sci major w/a music minor

deep down would definitely want his degrees to be the other way around

but he would probs realize cs just leads to more of a stable job (not with ai on the rise tho 😍 we love going into a doomed field of study)

(as a cs kid i’m ABSOLUTELY projecting onto my little headcanons about him)

i think..he’d be a NORMAL person that enjoys programming more than learning abt computer hardware or theory

seeing as he’s normal he’d HATEEEEE object-oriented programming (the complex part of programming OUGHGG)

he’d probably know exactly what to minor in for his dream job: music production

he’d DEFINITELYYY be in the school orchestra as a piano

he’s not mysterious enough for a bass, annoying enough for a violin or trumpet, or quirky enough for a cello

he’s an attention whore he wouldn’t even LOOK at the violas 💀

but yeah overall i think he’d know his plans for the future down to a T

probs has an internship at microsoft (derogatory)

now for the most important question

would he be a tech bro?

absolutely NOT

for those that aren’t as familiar with tech bros

just imagine a redditor alpha male with horribly gelled hair that brings the LOUDEST gaming pc to class with a horribly oiled, light-up keyboard, and makes sleazy comments about the one or two girls in every comp sci class

in other words: a woman in cs’ worst nightmare (send help i’m one of TWO girls in a class full of tech bros.)

but yeah he wouldn’t be like that at all

he’d definitely suck at rizzing up women (bro plays LoL in 2023, the year of our lord, need i elaborate?)

i can easily imagine him coming into class with gray sweatpants, a white t-shirt and flannel over, and a double-shot coffee from starbucks every day

he’d probably be the most decent-looking dude in every cs-related class i can’t even lie

for the dudes reading this: if you ever need an ego boost, do basic self-care and dress well (maybe even put on basic makeup), and join a cs class

the amount of mid ass incels with no concept of self-care will immediately make you the most attractive man in the class i kid you not

neways enough of me projecting 💀

as a music student

i could absolutely see him eat up every composition assignment (where you compose your own piece of music)

although i feel like he’d have a teacher that prefers classical music that’d be PISSED every time he submits something non-conventional

omg imagine him composing a whole dubstep instrumental for class

if the music production thing doesn’t work out he’d start a band with a bunch of losers in his dad’s garage and make horrible music that’d still get a decent amount of listens and attention bc he’s hot

it’s giving fallout boy but not emo

maybe shitty indie at best

more utc !

jay: english major w/a philosophy minor

first of all

his ass would NOT know philosophy is mostly math before signing up

i don’t think he’d be bad at math at all but he’d fs be regretting it all

but then he’d debate dropping out until whoop there’s only a semester left until it’s over. too late.

he’d dress up for every class for SUREEE

one word: beige.

he IS light academia pinterest

studyblr WISHES it was him fr

macbook user. i don’t need to explain.

he’d probably have his life together on the outside

bullet journal and aesthetic notion and all

i feel like he’d prefer discussions and deep thought (hence the philosophy) and debates over analysis

he’d LOVE discussing his thoughts abt different texts in class

he would NOT like writing out analyses abt random ass stories tho (hs english was a NIGHTMARE)

argumentative essays are his BITCH fr

i think he’d lose points for focusing more on broader concepts and going just a tad too off-topic in analytical essays, instead of focusing on details and cause-effect relationships and all that

now for the important part: his life outside of college

ik for a FACT he’d be the most likely to have a thriving social life outside of school out of all of enha

don’t @ me it’s not my fault the rest of them are MAIDENLESS – heeseung plays LEAGUE for crying out loud !!

probably goes out to the mall or new attractions like museums every weekend

even tho he minors in arguably one of the hardest fields of study ??

bro would finish up calc III homework in less than an hour 🤯

i bet he’d be there on a scholarship too 😒lucky ass

jake: international relations (global politics) major, no minor

note: ik the average writer would probs make him a physics major but that’s BOOOORING and overdone, plus i just don’t see it 🤷

EXTREMELY IMPORTANT NOTE !!! IR ≠ political science !!! IR focuses on politics around the world, pol sci is more of how internal governments work

(i’m also heavily projecting here bc i’m a politics student send your prayers please and thank you)

i pity IR majors

this boy is TIRED 25/8

tbh the thing with IR isn’t that the content’s hard

a (paraphrased) quote from my IR teacher: “political scientists are lazy, all they do is come up with generic concepts and slap an ‘-ism’ at the end”

it’s moreso the reading and writing.

god the reading.

politics textbooks are so big and expensive it hurts my wallet just to look at the library-issued textbook i have

he’d be running on caffeine and a prayer, no sleep we die like men

not that he’d be a bad student !!

i could definitely see him being that one student that asks the teacher the silent questions no one asks bc they think it’ll make them look stupid (ie. asking them to repeat what they just said or explain a not-so-complex theory)

would definitely word vomit about politics, current and past, to the rest of the enhas (but just to make sure he remembers it all, you gotta respect the grind man)

none of them would understand a thing

jake: “yeah so it’s stupid how there are a whole bunch of states fighting over the south china sea when it’s technically international waters [please don’t quote me on this it’s like 2 am and i’m pulling stuff out of my ass] and therefore has no legal ‘owner’ haha isn’t that stupid?”

the rest of enha, maybe except for jay: 👁️👄👁️

jay: “ermmm akshully 🤓👆it’s in the name, china has legal rights over the south CHINA sea bc it borders it”

i can picture it vividly

imma be honest this man would be a MESS

he’d probably make (futile) attempts to get his shit together like a notion pro subscription, trying to sleep on time, a gym membership, you name it

sadly that’s just the life of a politics student

it’s so hectic it’d be hard to keep up with, but it’s jake, he’d somehow stay afloat

he’d probably come to his minimum wage job after class half-dead but his manager and coworkers would take pity on him and let him sleep in the janitor’s closet

would probably be clinging to the whole “just get through tomorrow and it’ll get better” mentality

it does not. sigh

sunghoon: undeclared until sophomnore (second) year, kinesiology (bio?) major

man honestly

this mf would be irrelevant

probs has a generic major and says absolutely nothing in class

if you blink he’d probs disappear

i feel like he’d initially wanna go for med but then he’d hear about the whole you’re-gonna-sacrifice-the-best-years-of-your-life-for-this-field-of-study thing and said NOPE lmao

which is reasonable

with the amount of ppl doing med in the world he wouldn’t think it’d make a difference if he decided to switch

i feel like he’d just be there for the ride 💀smth abt wanting to “experience all life has to offer” (not in a rich, just here for the business degree way, but more of an “i don’t need a degree to get a job but it might make it easier” way)

so yeah he decides to major in kinesiology, the study of movement according to google

disclaimer i’m not a bio person at ALL so any misinformation is completely unintentional and i will NOT be held at gunpoint to do research about a college major for HEADCANONS at ass o’clock in the morning

neways

he has a decently light workload and therefore a healthy amount of free time

on the occasional he does get a painful assignment he’d procrastinate until he’d staying up and cussing out his past self for not doing it earlier

tbh i don’t think he’d be a horrible OR amazing student

he’s truly MID mid

maybe an average of like … 75% which really isn’t bad tbh the american education system has conditioned us into thinking it is but let’s be fr other than philly cheese steaks what exactly have we ever gotten right.

….neways again

he’d be something like a jack of all trades, master of none

overall a chill guy 9/10 would be fun to hang out with

now for the best part

frat boy sunghoon

idk anything abt frat or sorority life – i’m asian the only thing close to a sorority i’d be in would be like … the school orchestra or book club 💀my parents would kill me – so don’t take everything i say for gospel

you bet your ass he’d be at every party

100% for the booze and vibes he wouldn’t even be there to flirt or rizz ppl up (he’s a self-aware man he knows he has negative rizz but that’s what makes him so ALLURING)

wouldn’t get high or anything tho he’s not all abt that life (that life being running away from the popo)

i’d trust him to walk me home tbh

he wouldn’t hurt a fly the most he’d do is like … attempt to verbally abuse jay

sunoo: art major, english lit. minor

you saw it coming don’t lie

NEWAYS

he’d be amazing at art honestly

making a portfolio would be his Thing yk

yk those big artists that are all about “working on the impulse” and not doing anything until they do ridiculous shit to get over art block

that’s him

but he slays every time he gets over it

god i feel like he’d be the perfect college friend after jay

he definitely has his shit together

i’m talking he does his assignments on time, probably has a half-paid merit scholarship, works a decent job at a taco bell just off of campus, and somehow has a will to live and time to go to the mall every weekend

the thing is, he’s not the most perfect college friend bc he’s slightly more fun-focused and free-spirited than jay, who’s a perfect mix of both

neways no more talking abt other enhas it’s sunoo’s time to shine 😠

i bet his dorm would be the most organized and decorated too oughhgh

he’d be the lucky mf that gets the biggest dorm on the first floor (with like two other roommates but they respect his privacy and all that)

he’d probably be able to get away with dorm policy violations (ie. cooking with an iron or something Not meant for cooking in his dorm instead of the nasty ass moldy ass communal kitchen) by batting his eyelashes and sweet-talking to the woman that oversees the dorms or smth (i’m blanking and i completely forgot what it’s called)

overall the luckiest bitch ever

we should all aspire to be sunoo tbh

if you’re a man and you’re not sunoo … thin fucking ice. do better. /hj

jungwon: biochem major, going for med (specifically oncology, the study of cancer?)

sorry in advance to any ppl in medical 🫶i’m gonna get every part of this wrong lmao

he’s one of Those Guys that’s known exactly what they’re doing since like … middle school

important question: would it be bc he gave into the classic asian parent pressure into becoming a doctor?

they might've played a tiny role in it but i think he'd genuinely wanna go into medical bc he's insane

definitely gets the best scores out of everyone in his class (idk if they use bell curves in med but if not he’d get solid 90s on everything)

i could see him with his life together tbh

homework always done a week before, healthy lunches he makes himself, clear skin, all that jazz

definitely has a merit-based scholarship

probably got a 1560 on the SAT too 😒 lucky ass bitch

i hate to say it

i really do

but he'd be the mf that reminds the teacher abt homework

“ermmmm mr. kim you said we had a pop quiz at the end of class” followed by him being beaten to a pulp

(w reaction/lh)

really cares about getting into a good med school

would DEFINITELY have like two internships every summer

so to recap: basically every asian med student ever (i’m friends with far too many rip med kids)

at least they won't be replaced with ai …

heeseung crying in the distance

NEWAYS

for a med student i feel like he’d be busy 24/7 but he wouldn’t Look like it?

like if you’ve seen a med student, even in hs, they look like they lost a fight to a rabid raccoon

but for some reason jungwon has his shit together like the neurotypical know-it-all he is 😒/lh please don’t kill me

seeing as he’s known what he wants to do since like … middle school in this au, i think he’d fs be on top of all the content he’s learned, if not ahead of everyone else

i’d trust him to be my doctor 🫡

actually no i wouldn’t

riki: theater major w/a visual art minor (get it bc he’s a minor) (i’m hilarious LAUGH)

he’s a quiet little guy, definitely sits in the back of the lecture hall

would milk the SHIT out of being a minority for scholarships and applications

i'm talking his common app essay abt being socially isolated and politically aware, i'm talking abt using any and all minority scholarships possible – in the eyes of the law (and the college board), riki is now half hispanic

i’d say his grades would be pretty decent, not much in the A+ zone (96-100) but at the very least, B+’s

really not that bad tbh

he’d SO be a theater kid in hs

tell me he wouldn't be those mfs that have the whole hamilton soundtrack memorized and break out into random song and dance at inappropriate times

i bet he’d ship hamilton and laurens 💀

neways

i feel like he'd like art as a class but suck at meeting deadlines and portfolio assignments n stuff

which is valid tbh i don’t think any kind of teacher of the arts (not just visual) should be too strict abt that

classes with him and sunoo would make him INSUFFERABLE omg

if you put them next to e/o they won't shut up

which is cute don't get me wrong

but makes trying to work IMPOSSIBLE

but when they're separated he’d be dead silent

you wouldn't even notice he's there tbh

overall a dedicated student with the occasional tendency to be silly and goofy

i feel like his resume would be pretty to make up for the lack of content actually on it

i'm talking canva pro graphics, fancy fonts, graphic design is his passion (not literally)

logically the best career path for him based on his degrees would be a set designer …

but obv he’s either an actor or the manager

probably an actor being a stage manager SUCKS

(don’t get me wrong it’s fun i’ve done it before but oh my GOD. if you ever wanna lose hair really fast become a backstage manager it’ll work 100%)

bonus: best-dressed in class

sunoo - you’ll never catch him slipping tbh 🤷 he’d have the most free time out of the others and would probably spend his time going out and putting together silly little outfits and being cute and adorable bc it’s kim sunoo That’s Just How He Is

jay - light academia light academia light academia light academia light academia

sunghoon (unintentionally) - his sense of style in college would be mid, truly meh, nothing special to look at but his looks make up for the boring attire (hubba hubba 😍) – the type to wear a white t-shirt, timbs, and jeans to class every day (get it 2017 jungkook 😍), maybe even a jacket. his sense of style would be as spicy as salt so not spicy at all, it’s giving unseasoned, boiled chicken

riki - he just Doesn’t Care but thankfully all the items in his closet would be usable (thanks to sunoo, that man would NOT let riki leave the house without running his outfits by him. his logic is that no best friend of his should look like a dumpsterfire !!)

jungwon - similar to jake, no time !! matching sweatshirts and sweatpants ftw

jake - politics majors have no sanity or connection to the real world bc it drives you INSANE after a month, cut him some slack :(

heeseung - the venn diagram of ppl with no sense of fashion and cs majors is a circle.

39 notes · View notes

insulationsun · 5 months

Text

rwby rambling under the cut AHDASDSAK

altering that statement cos i did skim through it again, and it really isnt as bad as i remember but it still has information that is just wrong, like the plot of convenience point he makes, about fights loosely connecting to one another, when that isn't really the case? and he makes a point about how when there isnt a fight going on, the show is doing nothing valuable with the extra time. when that isnt true, if you rewatch v1-3 the plot is mostly being driven forward? or foreshadowed/set-up

a good example is season 2 being largely written off as full of nothing, when mountain glenn or whatever spends a large chunk going into the motivations of each of team rwby, what drives them to be there in the first place, particularly highlighting ruby's simple desire of wanting to help others, which is expanded upon later. and also shown how yang sees ruby's motivations compared to her own. it's a good character building segment for team rwby. also this season introduces penny and kind of establishes the kinda person ironwood is as well

season 1 also has ozpin's advice to ruby, his projection onto her, but also why he chose her as the leader of team rwby, because he sees a bit of his old self in her(or in ozma's case). ANYWAYS. thats important too. there ARE things that are important inbetween fight scenes, and there /always/ has been. you just need to rewatch the show.

and obviously there are things that werent planned from the start, but ozpin being uhh..the Way he is, salem, all of that stuff- that was there from the start, so this scene hits different upon rewatch

the only ones i can see that for is season 1 because there is a lot of clumsy execution in that season, which makes sense but doesnt make it any less egregious. cos i agree on the part where pyrrha is explaining things to jaune that are already established (what a semblance is, and characters being surprised by her semblance (which they should already know.. ))

the bad exposition for the earlier volumes i agree with, its a really rough start and can be kinda cringy to rewatch at times

but if youre going to talk abt rwby you kind of need to talk about Everything. where its at right now, and how it improved. which he doesnt, he touches on season 6 a bit to ramble about the adam vs yang and blake fight-- talks about how annoying it is that characters pause to speak as if the fight isnt a more character driven one than a flashy one, dramatic pauses to talk/explain in the middle of fights are also not that uncommon in the anime he talks about- he talks about jojo in here, which pauses fights to dump about how powers work a LOT

as much as i'd like to go through the video and talk abt how i feel abt every point, it's actually not as scathing as i remember. still wrong about things tho, and only talks about 1-3 mostly without touching on anything else. the anime homework segment is what i remembered the most i think...

and the complaints about the inconsistent worldbuilding i can definitely understand, it is frustrating that things aren't clear cut explained to you in the show, like the differences between magic and semblances. but i think the point is that semblances can Be magic, sometimes, but not the other way around. s'least how i see it. that stuff doesnt bother me as much though so its fine if it botehrs someone else

i geuss the thing that frustrates me the most is this insistence that rwby isn't character driven, or at least the characterization is poorly handled, because it really isn't. at least for the main four, and some others- and again they improve on this later. i would not be as into rwby as i am if the character writing was like. horrid

for season 1 i can get that but even as early as s2 they start to dig a little deeper, and now at season 9 so many of our main cast have been dug into a little, in ways i find really satisfying. and like, the finale of season 5 is still one of my favorites, behind season 7 ofc (oscar pine bias) but yang's conversation with her mother, nothing ending in a fight between them just the power of her words- it's a relationship that has some complexity to it. the point im making is that there are so much more amazing scenes that just are not shown at all or glossed over completely, the writing can be really good at times its why im still here!! IDK!!!!!! i guess im Crazy

13 notes · View notes

2hoothoots · 9 months

Note

First of all, congrats on destroying the BIG TOP! So to speak. (I'd ask if you could give it to me but they haven't invented that technology yet). Secondly, since you asked for Asks, what got you so into Norma as a character? I wanna compare and contrast. :V

hahaha THANK YOU! some day modern medicine will unlock the secret to equivalent exchange… some day

anyway, great ask because i Always have stuff to say about Norma. putting it under the cut for length (although to be fair, if you don’t want to see lengthy impassioned essays about Norma i’m not really sure why you’re following me in the first place)

first of all: i unapologetically like women who kinda suck. listen, okay, listen, i absolutely understand that the line between “fun to dislike” and “just obnoxious” is different for everyone but Norma falls entirely on the fun side for me. from her very first appearance, she’s so unnecessarily petty and snarky and competitive with this ten-year-old she literally just met, and i can’t lie i just find it incredibly entertaining. and also, y’know, i think she sucks but in a way that’s ultimately harmless and also so believable. she’s not a terrible person, she’s just a shitty teenager. i’m a Norma apologist, not in the “she did nothing wrong <3” way but the “yeah she’s mean but that’s what’s interesting about her” way. give me more female characters who are complicated and unlikable and make bad decisions!

secondly: she’s a shitty obnoxious know-it-all teenager, and boy, do i relate! maybe part of this is filling in the gaps and part of it is projection, but i look at her and i see someone with the compulsive need to “win” every conversation and prove they’re the smartest person in the room; someone who clings to their model student status because deep down they’re afraid it’s the only worthwhile trait they have, the single thing that makes them anything more than a useless waste of space with no friends and no redeeming qualities. characters who are jerks or bullies are really interesting to dive into for me, because there’s always something underneath that. Norma’s combination of annoying pretentiousness and deep insecurity is really compelling to me, and a lot of it is because i see my younger self in her. i feel like i really grok her as a character, and because of that i find her interesting to explore and write for!

thirdly, the big thing that drew me to her the same as it did the other interns was, ironically, their lack of screentime. PN2 has one too many ensemble casts, and individual development for some of the characters feels rushed, and i am first in line saying i wish we’d gotten more intern content. but what we did get was just enough to pull me in and hook me on the characters. the game left me wanting more, and honestly that’s what drove me to write so much fic of the intern cast in the first few months after release. they were so charming and felt so underutilised and i was desperate for more from them – and at the same time, because they had fairly little screentime they made a great starting point to develop further with headcanons and filling in the blanks and just turning them over in my head and imagining what could have been. what really gets my creative juices flowing is taking something from canon and building on it with my own stuff (which is also why i’ve gotten so invested in the future AU!), and the interns all have such strong concepts and starting points while also giving a lot of freedom to develop them and flex my own creative muscles.

like, i was thinking about why i never really got into the psychic 7 in the same way, and i think it does just come down to them being more fleshed-out characters in comparison. which feels so funny to say, haha – i love the old people’s club, they’re great, but i never latched onto them like i did the interns, and i think it’s because they don’t have the same fill-in-the-blanks potential. we get to learn about their backstories in pretty great detail, we get to explore 6/7 of their minds, and they all feel very succinctly developed but in a way that ties a bow pretty neatly on most of their characters. we learn so much less about any of the interns in comparison, but those unanswered questions just end up tickling my creative brain that much more. there’s a theory that people engage in transformative fanwork to give them the kind of engagement they didn’t get from the canon, and i think that’s definitely true here! maybe there’s an alternative universe out there where we got way more intern content and i never ended up writing any fics with them in, hahaha

#honestly? i don't even know if she's my /favourite/ intern #that would probably be adam #but she's definitely the one i find most interesting and most fun to write for #also i totally get why people dislike her but when i see people posting norma hate it's a straight-up instablock #like sorry you don't understand or appreciate flawed female characters. seems like a you problem #i should really draw her again. it's been too long. i miss my horrible swagless daughter #ask

21 notes · View notes

acearohippo · 10 months

Text

Oh yeah, Tang Xuan absolutely called Li Ling after he sent this message

You can't tell me that Tang Xuan left the convo at that.

I held my shipping self back with my previous posts but no longer. Take this fic, I might post this on ao3 later this week because it's... actually pretty long.

AO3 Link:

Ship: Li Ling/Tang Xuan

Rating: T, for language

Word Count: 2.6k

Summary: They're just chatting on the phone being cute and whatever.

[[I'm glad you're safe tho... you scared the hell outta me]]

Tang Xuan sighs, a bit dreamily. His boyfriend can be so cute, it’s unfair. He’s by himself, in one of the lounging rooms found in New Mylo Marshall’s station. It’s been repurposed as a temporary room for him to rest in, not that Tang Xuan has been able to use it as such. Giving himself only three days to resolve the truth behind the collapsing Miracle, Javid’s role in it, and the frequent Miramon waves plaguing New Mylo has left him no time to relax for more than a few minutes at a time.

He starts typing out a reply but pauses. He has nowhere to go for the half an hour and it has been a while since he got to hear his boyfriend’s voice. Not that Tang Xuan needs an excuse to call Li Ling, his thumb already hitting the “Call” button and happily getting cosy on the couch as he waits for his boyfriend to pick up. The call doesn’t even ring once before he hears the tell tale click of the person on the other side picking up the call. Tang Xuan’s heart swells and he can’t stop the grin forming on his face.

“Babydoll, you better be calling me to tell me exactly where you are so I can come get you.” Li Ling’s low monotone drawls out. Tang Xuan tenses up, recognising the signs of an emotional shutdown. His happy mood fades as he assesses the situation. The fact that Li Ling answered his call, means they still have time before any social withdrawals. He doesn’t sound any different from usual, only a bit more flat in his speech. Hearing his voice does reconceptualise his text. Tang Xuan takes a moment to calm his racing heart and thinks quickly.

First, he needs to make sure Li Ling doesn’t try to come get him. Because he will, he seriously will leave wherever he is, find him (somehow), and- if he can’t take Tang Xuan with him- he’ll latch himself to Tang Xuan and not leave. Tang Xuan loves working with his boyfriend, but this case requires a lot more finesse and critical thinking than Li Ling’s impatience is willing to handle. Not to mention the time limit and what’s at stake will annoy Li Ling and cause him to make rash decisions that may negatively impact everything. Li Ling jumps to conclusions too often, and while Tang Xuan will admit he does too, Li Ling doesn’t stop to question those conclusions, not unless someone directly challenges it and he’s given time to reflect on it. Three days is not enough time for Li Ling to process something of this magnitude, Tang Xuan is still trying to wrap his head around Javid's cruel decision and how it doesn't quite fit the man who protected him in the desert, even if he was a bit of a douche about it.

“They sent me to New Mylo.” Answer his questions honestly. When Li Ling gets like this, it’s better to answer succinctly. Tang Xuan is grateful they’re voice calling, as he can easily pitch his voice to sound calm and casual. He lets a bit of the past day’s frustration leak into his voice when he continues. “You would not believe the crap that’s happening here, babe.” Tang Xuan waits for Li Ling’s response. He isn’t trying to change the topic, that never works with Li Ling for long anyway, but he is trying to gauge how far along Li Ling’s fatigue is, to better help his boyfriend out.

“New Mylo? Isn’t that the place that’s about to get wiped out by the new miracle shit? The celestial anomaly thing the higher ups won’t shut up about?” Li Ling goes quiet for a bit, though he isn’t idle. Tang Xuan can hear him tapping away at his screen. “You’re like, a few hours away by plane… I could get to you in less than 5 minutes if I use my ring… Are these photos up to date?” Li Ling mutters to himself and Tang Xuan sighs. Looks like he’s still focused on getting to him. Tang Xuan wonders if Li Ling even realises he’s smack dab in the middle of the small town that’s in danger of being wiped out, thus being in danger himself. Not that Tang Xuan is nervous, but it’s good that Li Ling didn’t make that connection just now. The more he talks, the flatter his voice becomes and realising the danger Tang Xuan is in could be the last straw that sends him into a non-responsive, hyper-sensitive mess.

So, Tang Xuan goes for a different tactic, switching positions on the couch to get more comfortable. “I could send you pictures if you want.” He’s still going to try to keep Li Ling there, but sometimes agreeing with his spontaneous needs can help him calm down faster. “But, I don’t think Raven will be happy if you suddenly show up on my mission.”

Li Ling scoffs. “Like I give a crap what she’ll think. What was she thinking sending you on your own there?”

“I mean, I did resolve the Crow issue practically on my own.” Tang Xuan still thinks it was weird how Tevor leftmost of the sleuthing to him. He brought the cat man with him specifically so he could sniff out the crow leader, yet Tang Xuan ended up gathering most of the clues and coming to the final conclusion of both the present mystery and the past mystery that caused the cruise events to happen. Waste of a favour and money, that was. “It only took me a few days, too! I think Raven and the others starting to see my worth, putting me on all these high, erm, ranked missions.” Tang Xuan almost slipped up and said high stakes. He bites his lip to prevent himself from rambling on. Fortunately, Li Ling doesn’t notice his almost slip up, mumbling affirmative sounds to show that he’s only partially paying attention to Tang Xuan.

Tang Xuan pouts, tapping a finger against his cheek as he thinks of a way to break Li Ling’s concentration. “Oh! If you come here, we can do a road trip back to Gyrate.” Tang Xuan grins as the other line goes completely silent. He can practically hear Li Ling processing what he just said.

“What? No, absolute not! That’s our anniversary date plans, we aren’t moving those up.” Li Ling, finally, sounds a bit more lively. Tang Xuan digs in deeper.

“Weellll, if you come here, Raven’ll wonder why you’re here, and saying it’s because I’m here isn’t going to fly with her.”

“Screw her.” Li Ling sounds like a petulant child, grumbling under his breath.

”So we’re going to need to come up with a valid excuse. You got any besides an impromptu desert tour, babe?” The grumbling on the other end continues.

“But we are doing a road trip for our anniversary… what does New Mylo even have?” Tang Xuan wishes Li Ling was next to him, because he just knows he’s making that cute confused face, eyes rolling up and brows furrowing in thought.

“There’s lots of stuff we can do down here… maybe.” Tang Xuan sounds chipper, a genuine grin spreading across his face as he realises he’s got Li Ling. The man might hate rules, but he hates changing plans even more. “They have these sand glider vehicles I’m sure we can get a hold of.”

“And then we can, what, ride around the barren landscape?”

“Aaannnd, we can fight miramon.” Tang Xuan suggests, picking at his braid. He’s going to need a trim soon. “Hey it’s just a suggestion. You could also just wait a couple more weeks and then you’ll have me all to yourself.” Throwing his braid back over the backside of the couch, he rests his head on the cushion and prays that Li Ling will take the bait.

“Hn. You’re changing the subject. I want to see you now.” Oof, yes he is but he needs to convince Li Ling he isn’t.

“I really want to see you too.” Tang Xuan coughs, not expecting to say it so emotionally. But it’s true that he does. Him and Li Ling are almost never separate for more than a week at a time, and they especially don’t go hours between talking to each other. It’s something that leaves Tang Xuan feeling warm and soft inside, even after years of knowing Li Ling, and almost a year of dating him, how strongly they are still attracted to each other. It doesn’t feel overbearing, not like his childhood did- constantly being a unit with his younger brother. Everything they did was done together and any attempts at individualising himself never lasted long. Tang Yun could, and would, easily join whatever activity or hobby Tang Xuan would sign up for. It didn’t help that they were equally good at everything, despite having differing personalities.

Tang Xuan loves his brother, but he hated being overlooked for who he was. He never wanted to be a part of a pair again.

Until Li Ling came along and, gradually, all he wanted was to be matched with him. It felt different. They did many things together, but he was still Tang Xuan and Li Ling was still Li Ling. Sure, sometimes he was “Li Ling’s boyfriend” but Li Ling was also “Tang Xuan’s boyfriend” and it is exhilarating to him every time. Perhaps this is what those cheeky aunties meant when they would tell his younger self to “wait until he’s older” whenever he would declare he’d remain single his whole life. Being an item with Li Ling just carried differently than being “the Twins”. He is still himself even when he yearns to be plastered to Li Ling.

Damn, he loves this bastard.

“I want to see you so bad, Ling-Ling.” Tang Xuan continues, feeling a little embarrassed to hear it echo in the small room back to him. “And that’s what's getting me through this mission. We’re only a few weeks away from out 1st year anniversary, the places I want to go with you, the things I want to see with you, and do with you and do to you! I have been looking forward to it since you decided to stage a prison break for your former mentor.”

Li Ling has been quietly listening the whole time, and sighs softly between the break in Tang Xuan’s monologue. “Hou hou… You’re too damn cute.”

“Says the man who said he was worried about me after pretending he’s only been fighting miramon.” Tang Xuan teases.

“I was fighting miramon.” Li Ling says, and now he sounds like his usual self, even if his voice is still low.

“Why were you fighting miramon? You aren’t on miramon duty for the next month?” Raven might’ve been impressed by the corruption Li Ling and him revealed among the Tangton Correctional Centre, but they had to do press conferences and PR events for a week due to Li Ling’s outburst in front of the station going viral. Raven can be a petty boss.

“I’m still not on miramon duty.”

Tang Xuan waits for him to continue. Silence answers him instead and all Tang Xuan can do is sigh. “Please don’t get yourself in trouble before I get back. We’ve been planning this anniversary for months.”

“Don’t even, I should be saying that to you! You were supposed to be on vacation this whole month, what happened to that?” Li Ling spikes the accusation back.

“It’s not my fault! I swear I put in those vacation days, but when I checked I didn’t see them…” Tang Xuan still questions himself. He knows he pressed the submit button and he’s sure he received a message a day later that his time was approved, but when he pulled it up after splitting ways with Li Ling and Yun Chuan, he was shocked to see his schedule was filled again and none of the days he requested were blocked off. Even scarier, the message he received was gone. He had to go back and forth with HR for two days to clear up his schedule, again, and request the vacation but, by then, Raven had already tasked him with investigating the Crows on the cruise ship.

Tang Xuan hears tapping again. “Ling-Ling, what are you doing?”

“Making a note to talk to HR.”

“Why?”

“Because, when you come back, hou hou, I’m going to take you, fling you over my shoulder, and we’re just leaving. The note will be a warning not to interfere with us.”

“… Please don’t threaten anyone to give us a vacation.”

“I’m not. I’m promising them that they’ll regret screwing up your vacation with me.” He stops typing, sounding satisfied. Tang Xuan is now worried for a different reason, but a tapping on the door and Malik’s stern face peaking between the cracks, alerts him that he needs to return to the mission. Tang Xuan can only pray to the Sun that Li Ling will control himself and stay out of trouble.

“I have to go now, are we good?” Tang Xuan waves a hand at Malik to let him know he’s wrapping up his conversation. Malik nods in understanding and leaves him alone again.

“Yeah, we’re more than good, babydoll. Hmm, hey do me a favour before you go.” Li Ling sounds mischievous for some odd reason. Tang Xuan hums to show he’s listening. “Don’t tell anyone you have your phone back yet for the next two, three-ish, maybe six hours.”

“What? Six hours?? Why? If you were worried, the rest of our friends are so I don’t want to keep them in the dark.”

“Be-caauuusee,” Li Ling practically purrs, gleefully. “To make me feel better about you being MIA, Leora is taking me to a spice market nearby to try out Tangton candies,” Tang Xuan bites his lip to keep from gasping in pitied-shock. Tangton candies are lies in a wrapper. They aren’t sweet like candy, they’re just glazed balls of pure fire and agony. “And, after, Lewis is gonna treat me at my favourite grill joint.” Once again, Tang Xuan winces in sympathy. The food from that restaurant is delicious, but Li Ling always wants to sit right in front of hibachi grill and watch live as his favourite appetiser, skewered spiced-chili peppers, are grilled. Tang Xuan let him sit them there once and the smoke that came from those peppers hospitalised him as it clogged his nostrils and burned his eyes. As far as Tang Xuan knows, no one asides from him knows about the danger of letting Li Ling choose the seats. Tang Xuan sends a silent prayer out to Lewis, and hopes that his flaming hair will somehow render him immune to the effects of the spicey smoke. “And then after that, the boys and I are finally going to have an ultimate dodgeball competition!” Tang Xuan doesn’t even try to stop the grunt of disappointment from escaping, his hand audibly smacking against his forehead. Why do his friends become stupid the moment he leaves? They should know better not to encourage any sort of competitive sport with Li Ling, especially when there are balls concerned. Whatever damage they sustain, it’s on their heads.

Tang Xuan should warn his friends, but…

“It looks like I’m being sent out to look for more clues, so it might just be several hours before I post anything, anyway.” Tang Xuan has yet to see Leora lose her cool demeanour and it’s always fun to tease Lewis. “Send me pictures of Leora and Lewis enjoying the experience.”

“Deal, talk to you later, babydoll.” Tang Xuan returns his goodbye and ends the call. Refreshed, he gets off the couch and stretches. He has three days to wrap up this whole fiasco and he’s more motivated than ever to get it done.

#dislyte #tang xuan dislyte #li ling dislyte #lixuan #lotusmokey #monkeylotus #the hippo writes #well damn it's been a while since i've used that tag #i got over stimulated responding to those anonymous asks #so i wrote this to calm down #i apologise if the timeline is a bit off with the past few events #lord knows i remember nothing #and dislyte hasn't dropped the story event for playback for truth unveiled so I don't remember much of the details #if anyone corrects me i'll edit it for when it gets posted to ao3 #i will die on the hill that duplication is the cutest way to make nicknames #hence ling-ling and hou hou #hou being monkey in mandarin chinese #i like to think that when they're being soft and emotional with each other they'll use these cutesy petnames #but every other time they will call each other babe (tang xuan to li ling) and babydoll (li ling to tang xuan)#i will also die on the hill that li ling is autistic you cannot convince me otherwise #f in the chat for leora and lewis they will be missed

39 notes · View notes

hadesforpreswrites · 10 months

Text

i believe in nothing but the beating of our hearts | knj

a/n: this is a rewrite of my first story i've ever posted to tumblr. i wasn't completely happy with the original upon a reread (yeah, sometimes i reread my own works). i have deleted the original at this point. also, do you like the image? i was inspired by @remedyx to make my own in canva. (you should totally check out her works!) pairing: kim namjoon x afab character genre: 18+ (minors DNI); friends/roommates-to-lovers; mutual pining warnings: slight angst; cursing; miscommunication? (really it's a lack of communication if we're honest); smut; oral (f. receiving); protected penetrative sex; praise; mutual pining word count: 3458 summary: namjoon and his roommate finally figure things out. (featuring jungkook and jin; mention of sope)

she was his best friend. she probably wasn’t what most people would deem his type. she didn’t know how he truly felt. he had kept it a secret, from her, since the day they met that fateful day at freshman orientation for college.

at first, he was simply impressed by the fact that she was about a year younger than him and yet here she was in the same class. then as the days went on and they worked together in the group - better than the others - the two of them seemed to mesh, despite having just met.

when he learned her major he decided they were kindred spirits - him in art history, her in literature. neither of them were entirely sure of what they wanted to do with their lives.

currently, the two of them were in their third year. after surviving, barely, their first year in the on-campus dorms, they decided to get an off-campus apartment together. namjoon couldn’t decide if this choice was a blessing or a curse. on the one hand, he now lived with his best friend. on the other hand, he lived with the person he was pretty sure he was in love with.

because he was wrapped up in his own thoughts, he missed the subtle glances she would throw his way when he was deep in thought. or that she couldn’t think straight when they sat too close.

to anyone else, these two were hopeless. many times the friends they made throughout their university career tried to point out the tension between them, to absolutely no avail.

namjoon coped with this situation by burying himself into hookups, effectively earning himself the title of a fuckboy. he didn’t really mind this reputation because he was sure his friends knew him well enough to know how he really was. he also spent a lot of his time complaining to his other friends about his self-imposed predicament.

she, on the other hand, threw herself into her studies. and the occasional complaint session with one of her closest confidants, jungkook. he was the only person who knew how deeply jealous she felt every time namjoon brought someone else into their shared home. sometimes she would even ask yoongi if she could crash on his and hoseok’s couch when someone else was with namjoon. they were in grad school and were often up late at night working on projects. namjoon held some sort of jealousy toward the older man when she would come in the next morning, not putting together why she left in the first place and not truly believing him when he said nothing was going on between them.

she had been kind of ignoring namjoon for the past week because she had fallen asleep in his arms on their couch and when she had woken up he was escorting someone to his room. yoongi was not at all prepared for the tears that were streaming down her face when he opened his door that night. normally, she was just slightly annoyed. that night was different so instead of working on their projects, yoongi and hoseok invited the younger friends to their apartment for games and pizza. yeah, they knew they might hear about it later, if not from namjoon himself then from seokjin, their phd student friend, but they didn’t know what else to do at the time.

tonight, jungkook had come over in an attempt to get help with his paper for his comp class. he was trying to convince her to actually just write his paper, her rolling her eyes explaining that she basically found and highlighted all his sources and just get over it for like a second. he had managed to get about half of it written in the time they spent holed up in her room but not without complaint and maybe a couple of tears that were meant to manipulate her but didn’t work.

“i think you’ve earned yourself dinner, kook,” she said after she read through what he had written.

“yes!” he breathed as he flung himself back on her bed.

she laughed at the dramatics, pulled him up, and dragged him to the kitchen. if she was going to cook, he was going to keep her company. he sat on a barstool, looking into the kitchen as she moved around gathering ingredients. he widened his eyes at how many things she was grabbing for ramen.

“you know, he’s not even here. you don’t have to feed him,” he grumbled.

she shot him a pointed look and continued prepping. after a few moments of silence, the front door opened, revealing namjoon and seokjin. she shot another look at jungkook who groaned quietly.

“honey, we’re home!” seokjin’s voice rang through the apartment.

“kitchen!” she yelled back.

seokjin immediately began helping her cook while namjoon sat next to jungkook at the bar and watched. she and seokjin had often cooked together so it was fun to watch them move fluidly around each other. namjoon and jungkook were chatting about their respective class assignments as namjoon’s eyes didn’t leave her figure.

“ready!” seokjin said, setting the table with the last bowl, pot of ramen in the middle.

throughout dinner, seokjin complained about namjoon forcing him to go to an art museum because everyone else was busy. namjoon countered that he actually did enjoy himself. jungkook complained that he had to write his own paper which caused the rest of them to groan because the younger man was always trying to get someone to work on his papers for him.

after eating, jungkook excused himself to pack up his things in her room because he was close to missing curfew for his dorm building. seokjin offered him a ride, which he graciously accepted. after they left, she started putting dinner away.

namjoon sat at the table for a moment longer. he was trying to figure out what he had done for her to avoid him for a whole week. tonight she talked to him, but only because there were others around. he’d been thinking about this for the week and was coming up with nothing so he decided it was time to confront her.

he pushed himself up from the table and moved to the kitchen where she was washing dishes. he leaned on the wall and watched her, eyes piercing through her.

“yes?” she asked, feeling his gaze but refusing to meet it. she was drying her hands when he came up behind her and pinned her between himself and the counter. she turned around and had to focus on her breathing before she said, “joon?”

“you’re driving me insane,” he said through his teeth.

she cocked her head, confusion showing on her features. “i don’t-”

“yes. yes, you do know. you’ve been avoiding me for days and i don’t understand why,” his voice wavered, causing her to almost break.

she sighed, eyes dropping from his face to his chest. how could she explain that it was a mixture of embarrassment and jealousy? “i just… you…” she huffed, frustrated. “you left. or lied. and i’m not sure which is worse.”

okay, he was really confused now. “i’ve never lied to you?”

“you don’t even remember?” she laughed at herself. “why am i even upset then? i’m sorry, joon, it’s nothing,” she gently pushed on him so she could escape his prison and fucking breathe again. she started walking toward her room while his brain was malfunctioning.

“no,” he said, loudly shaking his head. “no,” he started walking her way. “you don’t get to ignore me for a week and then say it’s nothing. if i did something to upset you that much, i deserve to know so i can try to fix it.” they were standing in the hallway between their two bedrooms.

she slid down her closed door and sat on the floor in defeat. still confused, he joined her. her knees were pulled up to her chest, he sat cross legged.

“that day i came home after a really bad day, you were on the couch, reading. and you looked up when i sat my bag down and opened your arms and i just curled up with you.”

he suddenly remembered everything. she had looked on the verge of tears. she laid her head on his chest, body between his legs. when she had fallen asleep, he somehow maneuvered his way out from under her and invited someone over because he couldn’t control his body.

“i asked if you had anything going on that day and you said no,” she continued. “but when i woke up you were walking someone back to your room.”

he didn’t lie about not having anything going on that day but he couldn’t tell her that he invited someone over because he had gotten hard when she was laying on him, how she couldn’t tell was beyond him.

“and then you went to yoongi and hoseok’s and had a party,” he deadpanned.

“that was not my idea,” she said, slowly. “i went there so i didn’t have to hear your escapades and they decided it was game night.”

suddenly, most everything made sense. why she went there when he had someone over. it wasn’t because she had a thing with either of them, it was because of him.

“you could’ve asked me to not bring anyone back here,” he said, quietly.

“joon, it’s your apartment too. but that’s not the point. point is i was upset because you-oh, god this is so stupid. nevermind,” she was picking at the carpet.

“you were upset because i brought someone over when i said i didn’t have anything going on? and you were having a bad day and i kind of just did something stupid?”

“i guess,” she mumbled.

“why were you avoiding me?”

“because i was embarrassed because it was dumb. i knew it was dumb when i showed up at yoongi’s crying about it,” she rambled, eyes going wide at the confession. “pretend you didn’t hear that.”

“afraid i can’t do that, babe. i’m very clearly missing something here and i’d really like if you could fill me in,” he said softly, ducking his head to try to meet her eyes.

“joon, i can’t,” she said, tears forming in her eyes. “it will change everything.”

“no it won’t.”

“you can’t promise that.”

“yes, i can.”

she huffed in annoyance. “it was just like the straw that broke the camel’s back, that night. i can’t keep watching you with the people you bring here. i can’t keep pretending it doesn’t bother me. it bothers me so much. it’s not even about you bringing them here it’s about them existing in your life in general,” when she finally took a breath she looked up at him and he was smiling.

“you’re jealous.”

“you’re annoying.”

“you’re so jealous,” he said again, getting on his knees and shifting closer to her. he put his hands on her knees and pushed so her legs straightened between his.

“you’re annoying,” she repeated, less convincing than the first time as her breath caught in her throat.

“maybe. but i’m also happy so nothing you say can hurt me,” he angled her head to look at him.

“you’re happy that i’m jealous?”

“so happy. more happy that you admitted it,” he said against her lips.

he closed his eyes and pushed his lips to hers, finally kissing her. she let out a breath before she kissed him back. her arms wound around his neck as he pulled away and placed his forehead on hers.

he chuckled to himself, “all this time i thought you had something going with yoongi or even jungkook.”

“why on earth would you think that?” her eyes shooting open in question.

“because apparently i’m an idiot,” he answered.

“you are,” she confirmed, causing him to laugh.

he pulled away and stood up, offering his hand to her. she slid her hand in his larger one and he hoisted her up. he led her into her room, sat on her bed, and pulled her onto his lap.

“what do we do now?” she asked, suddenly nervous. “i’m not willing to just forget that you kissed me in the hallway.”

“i’m not willing to let you forget either,” he kissed her shoulder softly.

“and i don’t want to be just another notch on your belt,” she said quietly.

“you won’t be. i only slept with them because i thought i couldn’t have you,” his explanation not sounding good to even him.

“that’s so dumb, joon.”

“yeah. well. you’re not the first to point that out,” he sighed. “that’s kind of all seokjin could talk about today.”

she laughed.

“those other people don’t matter to me the way you do,” his hand draped over her legs, gripping her thigh lightly.

“show me,” she said quietly, looking at his hand on her.

he moved his hand up to her cheek and pressed a kiss to her lips again. she sighed when he deepened the kiss by parting her lips with his. she maneuvered herself to straddle him, her core pressing onto his jean-covered hardness.

he let himself fall back onto her mattress. his hands found themselves on the back of her thighs, holding her as he flipped them over before they caged her head. when she pulled back for air, he moved his lips to her neck. one hand moved itself to the hem of her shirt and up to caress the soft skin of her stomach. her own hands were pulling at his t-shirt. he sat up and pulled it off, throwing it somewhere behind him. he pulled her up to take her shirt and bra off, throwing them in the same direction. he kissed down her sternum and toward the waistband of her sleep shorts. he looked up at her through his eyelashes, lips hovering over her skin. she nodded, almost bashfully. he lifted himself so that he could slide her shorts and underwear down her legs.

he lifted one of her legs and placed it on his shoulder. he placed a kisses on her inner thigh before licking a stripe up her heat. she let a shuddering breath leave her lips as he continued tasting her. her hand found purchase in his hair as he pushed a finger into her. “joon,” she breathed out when he sucked on her clit and inserted a second finger.

he was spurred on by the sounds she was making as he continued his work. he felt her pulse around his fingers and her legs start to close against his head. he used his free hand to keep her thighs apart until she came. he lapped up her release as she came down from the high he put her in.

“god,” he breathed out as he pulled away. “you taste better than i imagined.”

she blushed, causing him to chuckle as he brought his face up to hers. he rubbed his thumb across the pink that decorated her cheeks before placing a sweet kiss to her lips. she, feeling brazen, deepened the kiss, tasting herself on his tongue. she ran her hands down his chest, stopping at his waistband.

he was almost painfully hard after eating her out that he was standing and shucking off his jeans and underwear in a quick movement. he paused before climbing back on the bed, “hang on,” he held a finger up before scurrying out of the room to his own.

he was back before she could formulate another thought. she shot him a questioning look causing him to hold up the foil packet in his hand. “i know you’re on birth control but…” he trailed off.

“can’t be too safe,” she giggled.

“nope. we can have babies later,” he said joining her on the bed again. she mentally put a pin in that comment for later.

he hissed at the sensitivity of himself as he rolled the condom over his length. he looked at her again in question. when she nodded, he lined himself up to her entrance and slowly pushed into her. he fought to keep his eyes open and on her face to make sure she is still comfortable. once he was fully sheathed, he leaned down and swallowed her in a deep kiss. she wrapped her legs around his waist. he pulled back a bit and rolled his hips into her, burying himself in her again.

“you feel so good,” he breathed in her ear. “and you’re taking me so well. just like i knew you could.”

she moaned his name and it quickly became his new favorite sound.

he continued his thrusting and praise until he felt her squeezing around him, causing him to groan.

“joon, i’m so close,” she whined, feeling the coil in her stomach tighten.

he reached a hand between their bodies and began rubbing her clit with his finger to help stimulate her to finish. her breathing became even more heavy and little whines escaped as she reached the peak. he followed shortly after, whispering her praises in her ear.

he collapsed on her and moaned as she ran her fingers through his hair in a comforting motion. they laid there for a few minutes, him still inside her, letting their breathing calm. he placed light kisses to her chest before pulling out, causing both of them to wince at the feeling.

she searched the ground for her underwear, suddenly feeling awkward about walking around without clothes. he watched her and chuckled. “you know there’s no one else here, right?”

she blushed as she found them and pulled them over her legs. “listen, it makes me feel more comfortable to have clothes on in the common areas of our home.”

“maybe we should try to change that,” he handed her his shirt.

“maybe we should,” she said as she left for the bathroom.

he shook his head and disposed of the filled condom in the trashcan next to her desk. he too pulled on his underwear and laid back in her bed. he was so thankful he finally confronted her about ignoring him and so elated that it led to this.

when she returned she practically jumped onto the bed next to him. “i don’t think i did it right,” he said slyly.

“what on earth are you talking about?”

“you’re walking way too easily,” he answered, causing her to laugh loudly.

“i should text jin,” he said after a moment.

“do not announce to the world that we just had sex, you are not akon.”

“wow, what a throwback reference,” he joked. “i won’t, by the way, but i should tell him that i finally did something.”

“yeah, same. but to jungkook and yoongi.” she thought for a moment. “i still can’t believe you were jealous of either of them. jungkook is literally like my child and yoongi so obviously has a thing for hobi.”

namjoon’s eyes widened. “obviously?! what are you talking about?”

“you truly are the most oblivious man in the world,” she laughed.

“apparently,” he said looking at her as she fished her phone from her nightstand.

“i say we just send a pic in the group chat and call it good,” she said.

“come here then,” he pulled her to him, grabbed her phone, and turned it to the camera. he pulled her in for a kiss on the mouth and snapped the picture. then he sent the photo with no context.

“well, that should get the point across,” she laughed, kissing him again.

it took all of maybe a minute before someone replied.

jimin: fucking finally yoongi: did you two just fuck? hobi: for fuck’s sake, yoongi!

“our friends truly have such a wide vocabulary,” she laughed.

“not everyone reads like a book a week you know,” he chastised, knowing full well that he did. their love for reading was one of the reasons he fell in love with her.

she looked at him with a smile. “so…” she trailed off.

“so, i think maybe we should talk,” he said quietly. she nodded. “i don’t want this to be just a one time thing.”

“me either,” she said, reaching for his hand.

“and i don’t want us to see other people,” he gripped her hand.

“me either,” she reassured him.

“i think we should just make it official then. we don’t have to label it if you don’t want to but we’ll definitely be exclusive.’

“i’m fine with labels if you are. it takes the guesswork out for other people.”

“you just want to call me your boyfriend,” he teased.

“maybe i want you to call me your girlfriend,” she teased back.

“maybe i want that too,” he kissed her sweetly.

#kim namjoon fic #namjoon smut #kim namjoon smut #rm smut #rm fic #bts fic #bts smut

39 notes · View notes