#and I know. I know that this is my depression talking but it has such a hold on me that I actually start to believe this shit

[underestimated-heroine]

The fact that radfems spread this post around is actually really interesting--infuriating, but interesting. Because what they've really done here is tell on themselves.

This is the shrimp guy story:

From an anonymous green text called "shrimp saved my life" [emphasis mine]:

>be depressed, suicidal xanax- addicted incel >one day I go to my /aq/fag uncle's house for some shit >he has pet shrimp, never seen anything like it before >he offers to get me some 53 KB JPG >throw them in a barely cycled tank with some shitty rock >several shrimp die >realize that I killed them with my apathy >realize I need to take responsibility for once in my life >do research, learn about water parameters and so on >eventually I have a beautiful planted tank with no more deaths >notice a female shrimp carrying eggs >haven't felt this excited about anything in almost a decade >the eggs disappear and I once again think I fucked up >a few days later I see a tiny transparent baby shrimp >l suddenly know how the shepherds felt as they gazed upon the newborn Christ >by this point I live and breathe shrimp >all my spare time is spent on shrimp research and watching shrimp videos >l spend most of the money I had saved from my last job on shrimp products >quit the Xanax to support shrimp spending >start putting effort into college in hope of getting a good job for my shrimp >grades improve, no longer facing the prospect of dropping out >relationship with parents improves since I am finally passionate about something and applying myself >l see genuine happiness in their eyes when I talk excitedly about my shrimp >for my birthday my mom makes me a shrimp cake >it even has fondant legs and little chocolate eggs >cry like a little bitch when I see it >mom hugs me and tells me she's always been proud of me >college dorm neighbours demand to see my shrimp >shit they're gonna think I'm autistic >they actually think my shrimp are really cool >they start inviting me to their social events >start interacting with girls, get told by girls for the first time in my life that I'm fun and smart >l think my shrimp would be proud of me if they knew >We're gonna make it bros. Even if you can't do it for yourself, do it for the animals that depend on you.

He did address his relationship with women. By finding a hobby and passion and working on himself--"touching grass"--he stepped away from the echo chamber that filled him with all this rage and convinced him women were to blame for all of his problems. As someone once wisely observed, "the cure is going offline and realizing it's just. really not that big a deal."

And that is what radfems have not done, so of course they didn't spot the quiet flashpoint of shrimp guy's personal development within his story.

Edit: it's been brought to my attention that the version of the greentext post I lifted the text from was censored by someone else. My bad for not realizing that, tbh it was done so well I thought shrimp guy had done it himself, but that's an important part of the post. I've gone back through and un-censored it. The reply which was spread around with the original post addressed the words themselves well, I think; however distasteful and fucked up the incel rabbit hole is, it doesn't diminish his growth.

#posts i actually wrote #cw radical feminism #cw transphobia #incels

[livelaughlovesubs]

I think despite how well he plays himself off all the time, Dazai still has depressive episodes sometimes when he's alone. Imagine coming home early and catching him in such a vulnerable state. Fuck him nice and sweet- show him how much you love him despite everything -🦀

Yk what, this will be the second part of that maid dazai fic. And I’ll make it sweet enough that you get a stomachache. Also- @amo-bsd

Part one!

Dom!reader x sub!dazai - reader is gender neutral

Warning: pegging (can be read as a dick), teasing, praise kink, marking - hickeys, handjob, dacryphilia, role play, lingerie

“You want me to defile you?” A low voice so hypnotising it send shivers down his spine echoed through the room. His gaze showed absolut devotion, legs spread on the couch just the way you wanted. “…yes, please.” The brunette gasped, his left hand helping you hold his skirt up while his right one reached behind him. The way his chest heaved with each breath, lips trembling whenever he had to part them, made you go crazy about him. With a single tug, he opened the tie of his apron, making space for you. You rubbed his entrance again, gently tapping it. That was all it took to make him squirm and shut his eyes due to ecstasy. “Uh-uhHhm..!” Dazai whined through gritted teeth, the blush that was spreading across his cheeks intensified. His puffy hole kept clenching whenever you touched him, and loosening up once your digits leave.

“Look at how sensitive you are,” You commented while leaning closer towards him, face now inches away from his. “Ha-haah.. if you know then stop teasing me.” He tried to stand his ground, noticing you brought the end of his dress near him. Afterwards you uttered a single command, “Bite onto this.” Normally he would have talked back and made a scene, though for now he decided to be obedient. This surprised you a little, yet it wasn’t a bad feeling. Guess your dear lover can be good at times? Carefully, he bit the fabric, after a little while it was soaked with his saliva already. “Good boy.” You cooed when you saw this cute scene, kissing his forehead while your weaker hand slipped to his waist.

His brows were furrowed, eyes half lidded as he watched your demonstrations. Fingers leaving his bottom and now teasing his tip. A milky, sticky liquid stuck to the latex glove. The more you rubbed over his soaked panties, the darker the spot got. Now you were smirking sweetly, whispering playfully “you are getting so wet for me.” After you finished your sentence, you could swear more precum spurt out of his slit. Did that comment embarrass him? His tender and slim body trembled ever so slightly, eyes sparkling and begging you to do more. “How adorable.” You added, before licking his earlobe.

The boy jerked, hands clutching the dress to hold it up higher. Then he closed his eyes, clenching them tightly enough for a single tear to run down his cheek. Mind racing and heart pounding while your hand kept playing with his dick. “Hmm..hngh..” soft whimpers left him, and his eyes became watery, more tears were about to spill. Slowly you changed from his ear to his neck, kissing and sucking on multiple spots. Leaving a trail of marks behind. Only a few minutes later the red spots build, proof of your claim over him. The beautiful hickeys you left behind encouraged you to go further, the hand on his waist now slipped to his thighs. You rubbed his tip a little longer, until your fingers were coated with his precum entirely, then you moved on to his entrance again.

Soft and sweet moan filled the room, all muffled through a thin fabric. Your fingertips tapped his entrance again, the white fluid now stuck to his rim too. He gasped, watching you play with his body as you pleased. Then you said, “you are doing so well for me, my love,” while staring at him with loving eyes. Dazai didn’t know what to do in that situation, so he averted his gaze. You smirked at the sudden shyness from the male, before sticked a finger inside him. “Mhmm! Nghh.” He wines, eyes widening as he let out some more lewd noises. In the meantime you worked him open, a second finger followed soon. “So good for me, my pretty boy.” At the sound of that compliment, he dick twitched inside his panties. Why were your words so addicting? They were so sweet, it made him feel weird and warm. As if he was a small, weak and precious thing that deserved any of this. Though one question lingered in the back of his mind, was he truly deserving of this?

His tears finally spilled, hands quivering while pleasure coursed through him. Suddenly you raised his leg and brought it over your shoulder, grinning the entire time as you did that. The black laced thigh highs he wore were beyond attractive, enough to make you feel butterflies. “Y/n.. nHhh, mh- please..” he managed to breath out through gritted teeth. You just kept smiling while you rubbed your fingers against his soft and warm insides, admiring how beautiful he looked right now. “Ahh! Oh-ohhh..it feels good.” The brunette groaned and stopped biting the dress, but his hands were still holding it up. Instead of punishing him, you just let it be, you loved hearing him talk anyway.

Wet and lewd squelching sounds left whenever you trusted your fingers inside him, followed by a fierce jerk from the male. He’d arch his back and whine about wanting more. “So cute, I love you my dear.” You chuckled, before you took your fingers out. Sticky strings were connecting the glove to his insides. “Really adorable..” this time you muttered under your breath, staring at his vulnerable state with focused eyes. His lips shook, eyes half lidded, brows furrowed while a deep crimson blush spread across his features. Not to mention how perverted this position was. It exposed all of his shameful parts, as well as his most sensitive spots.

The way his thrust his hips indicated how he wanted more, a disappointed whine left him, a plead for more of this bliss he was feeling. His entrance clenched shut immediately, and the sticky liquid dripped down his tender skin. “You look so beautiful right now.” You praised him, and it made his dick twitch. Then you lined your own one up with his hole after finishing preparing everything, and pressed the tip against him. “Tell me if it hurts, alright?” Even though you whispered that into his ear, he couldn’t register most of your words. His eyes were glued to your length, anticipation filling him as he thought about taking you. Lips pressed shut and gaze eagerly waiting for you to fill him up. You also noticed how his rim kept loosening and clenching, as if his body was begging for you.

With a swift motion, you started putting it in. Only the tip alone was enough to make him into a mess, eyes rolling back as a storm of moans escaped his throat. “Ahh!! Ngh hmMM! Oh- y/N~moreee.. hahh, ple-please..!!” Dazai spout, spitting one nonsense after another. His tongue rolled out while you carefully bottomed out inside him. He tried his best to resist the urge to cum right there right now, especially after feeling it hit against his innermost parts. There was no helping it, it was just so deep inside him! You hugged him again, causing his leg to be raised to his chest. A dumbfounded look was on the boy’s face, and so you explained. “Lay back and enjoy this, alright?”

And you bet he did. When you started moving, all he could think about was you. He couldn’t move an inch while your member continued going in and out of him, so gently and slow, but hard enough to make him see stars. Each time you hit it against his sweet spot he’d cry out, panting and whimpering in delight. “Ah.. ah, uhhh, ahh, y/n- master..!” even now he is still calling you that, but you didn’t mind. After all, he was your good boy, your one and only love, your adorable pet. You kissed his lips, all while pounding inside him with a steady rhythm. Why was this so stimulating? Was what dazai thought. You weren’t being really fast or excessively rough, so why did it feel so damn good?

His heart felt like exploding whenever you calling him by some cute pet names, or even his own name. Sensations strong enough to wipe any thoughts off his mind kept gushing inside him, coursing through his veins and taking him to paradise. When you broke the kiss, he didn’t even notice how he chased after your lips. Still sobbing and crying while begging you for more, wanting to feel more of your touch, more of your voice, more of you. It was warm, it felt really hot inside him. There was no way to describe this other than lust, it must be because you are so skilled..! That’s why whenever you call him cute names he feels himself edging closer to the edge, that’s why your touch always ignites a fire within him, that’s why he always feels so happy when with you.

“Ahh.. I love you, y/nn..” he called out to you again, smiling sweetly while being held in your arms. “I really do..”

REBLOGS ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED

#sub character #sub!character #dom reader #dom!reader #🦀 anon #sub bsd #sub bungou stray dogs #sub dazai osamu #sub dazai #dazai smut #dazai osamu x reader #dazai bungou stray dogs #dazai bsd #dazai #dazai x reader #bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs dazai #dazai osamu #dazai x you #dazai x y/n #🎀 anon

[diorsluv]

feather , the drama queen

“ i say she’s too dramatic ”

series m. list

( socialmedia!au )

yourusername

liked by lhughes_06, missseraphina and 310,937 others

yourusername photo dump time 🗣️🗣️

guess who ran into connor bedard at the family function 😱 he was looking at me weird n shit cuz me and mark were cosplaying as rapunzel and flynn rider

also i love taking screenshots of my bf and his goofy brothers when they look stupid!

tagged: lhughes_06, markestapa, _quinnhughes, trevorzegras, jamie.drysdale, masonmctavish23, _connorbedard

view all comments

jamie.drysdale where did you find that pic of us.

→ yourusername use ur common sense

→ trevorzegras this feels like a violation

→ yourusername it is! ☺️

_connorbedard i was looking at you weird because you are weird.

→ yourusername awww cmon ur no fun 😔 we all know im ur favorite relative

→ _connorbedard we’re not related.

→ jamie.drysdale oh my god not even your cousin loves you yourusername

→ yourusername SHUT UP JAMIE

→ _connorbedard WE’RE. NOT. COUSINS?????

→ trevorzegras breaking news!!! bedsy and jamie are related 😱😱

→ _connorbedard my finger is hovering over the block button

username44 funny that she posts this RIGHT NOW..

→ username10 they all have her blocked they don’t know anything

trevorzegras WHEN THERES SOMETHING STRANGE

→ yourusername IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

→ _quinnhughes aw that sounds just like the two of you

→ luca.fantilli WHO YOU GONNA CALL

→ rutgermcgroarty GHOSTBUSTERS!

→ adamfantilli 👻👻👻

→ yourusername quinn YOU’RE the strange looking thing in the neighborhood 🤬 _quinnhughes

→ jackhughes flashbacks to when that little kid got scared when he opened the door

→ _quinnhughes oh my god I WAS WEARING A COSTUME

username79 did anyone else notice who liked the post…

→ username3 good lord she’s back

luca.fantilli it seems war is NOT over 😔

→ yourusername ????

→ dylanduke25 luca i thought you had her blocked smh

→ luca.fantilli how’d you know who i was talking about unless you didn’t have her blocked either???

→ yourusername …

_quinnhughes everyone’s gonna start calling me depressed now 😐

→ yourusername sweetie they’ve been calling you depressed keep up

→ _quinnhughes 😨

→ jackhughes 😱

→ lhughes_06 🤯

dylanduke25 let’s give me the credit for that costume idea!

→ yourusername you told me to dress up as mother gothel.

→ dylanduke25 out of love 🤗

→ markestapa YOU TOLD ME TO DRESS LIKE THE FUCKING HORSE.

→ lhughes_06 HEY MAXIMUS IS A GREAT CHARACTER

edwards.73 why is mark at the family function 🤨

→ yourusername his mama wanted to come 😈

→ markestapa that’s a lie she forced me to come because i was the only one willing to dress up as flynn rider for her

→ edwards.73 …why are you dressing up in costumes at the family function?????

→ yourusername THE KIDS ALWAYS DO A LITTLE COSTUME PLAY CONTEST THING

→ jamie.drysdale she made me dress up as the lorax when we were in middle school

→ yourusername stop complaining i was literally mr o’hare

→ jamie.drysdale AND THEN YOU MADE ME LORD FARQUAD THE YEAR AFTER THAT

→ yourusername 🙄🙄

→ trevorzegras pics or it didn’t happen.

lhughes_06 you really snuck that cute ass pic of you thinking we wouldn’t notice

→ yourusername ew i hate you

→ lhughes_06 you love me

→ yourusername 🙄

→ lhughes_06 say it ☹️

→ yourusername 🥱

→ jackhughes PLEASE JUST SAY IT ALREADY I CANT STAND HIS WHINING

→ yourusername no can do jacky boy 😓

→ lhughes_06 you little shit

→ yourusername luv u too 😒😒

username10 connor looks so done

username98 quinn has never had a good pic of himself posted by any of his friends 💀

mackie.samo I COULDVE BEEN FLYNN RIDER WHY DIDNT U ASK ME

→ yourusername i asked mark first 😓

→ markestapa HAH take that

colecaufield i took that second photo 😒

→ yourusername our lovely backup photographer 🫶🫶

→ lhughes_06 your quality is kinda ass

→ colecaufield BRO i took it on your phone???

missseraphina

liked by yourusername and 202 others

missseraphina i know you miss me, bc why else would you have texted me last night? 🥰

view all comments

username24 oh babe.. that’s not…..

username8 girly this is a bit obsessive don’t you think? 😭

username61 he’s taken. TAKEN.

username82 yesss girl get your man back!!

→ username40 …as in the one that’s in a relationship rn??

username77 sweetie just find someone else already

username95 I THOUGHT THEY ALL BLOCKED HER but lil drizz just liked the post what

→ yourusername it gave me a good laugh what can i say

username43 they’re making an absolute mockery out of her

username20 LMFAOOO

username18 don’t tell me she’s still going on with ts 😭😭

username55 but let’s think about it.. she wouldn’t have posted this unless he actually texted her

username39 it’s bc he still wants u 😝😝

→ username14 i KNOW you’re not talking about luke hughes 💀

yourusername

liked by adamfantilli, jamie.drysdale, dylanduke25, and 347,252 others

yourusername oh girl you’re obsessed 🥱

view all comments

username90 HELL YEAH we’re back on the drama train

jamie.drysdale i thought i told you to block her 😑

→ yourusername I DID but then all my friends were telling me abt the shit she was posting and i couldn’t resist 😞😞

mackie.samo you’re so petty

→ yourusername aw cmon mack you know you love my pettiness 🤗🤗

→ mackie.samo uh huh i definitely do

→ markestapa bro ur literally pettier than she is

→ mackie.samo give me ONE good example

→ markestapa you blocked me for a week because i said your hair looks like a rat lives in it 😐

→ mackie.samo thanks for the reminder im blocking you again

username10 babe ur feeding into the drama 😭

→ yourusername i know 😈

username34 WHEN SHE PLAYS MULTIPLE INSTRUMENTSSSSS

username28 our multi-talented queen!!

adamfantilli will we ever be done with the couple-y shit 😒

→ yourusername when she’s done obsessing over my man 🫶

→ lhughes_06 what’s that heart for yourusername

→ edwards.73 you’re so possesive luke get over yourself 🙄🙄

→ adamfantilli FR

→ markestapa FR

→ luca.fantilli FR

→ jackhughes FR

→ rutgermcgroarty FR

→ _alexturcotte FR

→ _quinnhughes FR

→ trevorzegras FR

→ dylanduke25 FR

→ jamie.drysdale FR

→ colecaufield FR

→ mackie.samo FR

→ yourusername not again 😭

username88 is she ever gonna go away

luca.fantilli but when you think about it.. luke probably DID text her to provoke that post

→ yourusername LMFAO he would neverrrrr right? lhughes_06

→ lhughes_06 um

→ lhughes_06 i don’t wanna lie to you

→ yourusername oh

→ luca.fantilli oh shit 🤯

→ jamie.drysdale what.

→ markestapa DUDE I THOUGHT YOU BLOCKED HER lhughes_06

→ edwards.73 there’s no fucking way

→ _quinnhughes …

username20 goddamn what happened under luca’s comment 😭😭

username24 holy shit there’s no way luke actually texted her again

username80 oh my god???

notes ) cliffhanger 🙊🙊 yes we’re back but not really (?) this one’s been sitting in the drafts for a while so.. i hope it’s fairly adequate LMAOO

tags: @aliaology @hockeyboysarehot @absolutelyhugh3s @jackquinnswife @freds-slut @love4ldr @blueeyedbesson @43hughes @v1olentdelights @dancerbailey3 @random-human02 @ho3forfakeguys @loveforaugust @cstads-blog @h0e4fictionalme-n @bunting58

#luke hughes #luke hughes x y/n #luke hughes x reader #luke hughes fanfic #luke hughes fic #quinn hughes #jack hughes #cole caufield #alex turcotte #trevor zegras #jamie drysdale #rutger mcgroarty #adam fantilli #luca fantilli #ethan edwards #mark estapa #dylan duke #mackie samoskevich

[zepskies]

One Exception

Pairing: CJ Braxton x F. Reader

Summary: Joey has invited you to a party at Pacey’s apartment, and CJ has agreed to go, despite the contentious history between him and your new friends. He doesn’t want to be the reason you miss out on a good thing, but it also means he’ll have to hide his apprehension (and his alcoholism).  

AN: Here’s the sequel to Good Morning! This story takes place in 6.14 of the show, with a little twist.

Word Count: 4K

Tags/Warnings: Mature themes, but it doesn’t really warrant an 18+ rating. Angst, alcoholism, hurt/comfort, jealousy, fluff, tinge of spice, and implied smut.

“Nice television,” CJ remarked, noting the giant monstrosity in the middle of this very loud apartment.

“See? Told you it’d be low-key,” you said.

More like high and off-key, CJ thought wryly.

Nickleback’s “How You Remind Me” was blaring. People you and CJ recognized from school were crowded in the living room around the TV, as well as milling around the kitchen with beers and solo cups, and it was pretty much a wall of sound that already grated on CJ’s ears. Pacey had to be in here somewhere too.

You squeezed CJ’s hand and gave him a sympathetic smile.

“You okay?” you asked.

He gave you a smile to hide his nerves. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

He was no stranger to parties. He just didn’t often find himself going to parties where the host had once introduced his face to a brick wall.

Before he truly got to know you, CJ had a one-time unintentional fling with your (former) dorm roommate, Audrey. She’d been spiraling out of control in an alcohol-fueled depression. He’d seen a kindred spirit in her and tried to help her. He just hadn’t known that she was still sort of in a relationship with Pacey, who had a mean right hook when he wanted to.

And then there was Jen, Audrey and Joey’s best friend. CJ felt the worst for hurting her along the way, unable to reciprocate her feelings…

And, oh yeah, you still didn’t know about that last part. 

CJ silently stewed in all of this when you led him by the hand to find your friend and current dormmate, Joey.

“Hey! Glad you could make it,” she said with her wide, doe brown eyes and a too-bright smile.

You gave her a quirking look when you hugged her in greeting. She smelled like vodka and orange juice, but you’d never known Joey to go too hard in the paint with her liquor.

She gave your companion a little wave. “Hey, CJ!”

“Hey,” he nodded with a smile.

“You guys want something to drink?” she asked, gesturing to the row of liquor bottles and various chasers behind her on the kitchen counter. You internally paused for a moment, glancing at your boyfriend, but you turned back to Joey with a smile.

“Yeah, Diet Coke would be great,” you said.

CJ gave you a curious look, but he asked for the same. Joey bobbed her head before she went to pour the drinks into some plastic cups.

CJ leaned in near your ear. “Sweetheart, you’re allowed to drink. You know I’ve been to parties before.”

In fact, you and CJ had met at a club party. One where Audrey had been led up to some guy’s room while she was drunk, and CJ had all but broken down the door to get her out for you and Jen.

“I know, I just don’t feel like doing alcohol tonight,” you told him.

It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either. You just didn’t want to risk making CJ even more uncomfortable than he likely already was, being near Pacey. You’d asked Joey to talk to him for you—a plea for him to not try and kill your boyfriend.

And there your esteemed host was, coming over now.

“Heyyyy, good thinking,” said Pacey. He went over to Joey’s side when she turned to hand you and CJ your drinks. He grabbed another cup to pour one for himself. 

“Hey, man,” CJ greeted politely. His hands were in his pockets, trying to mask his stiffness.

Pacey hesitated, taking note of CJ, but the beat of tension broke between the two men when Pacey graciously stuck out a hand.

“Hey. Good to see ya…not with my girlfriend,” he quipped with a smile.

CJ’s was a bit more strained, but he gave a wry chuckle along with his handshake. Joey elbowed Pacey in the ribs.

“Ah, what?” he protested. She gave him a firm look, pursing her lips. Then she turned to you and CJ with a smile.

“Hey, you guys have any whiskey?” Jen cut in, as she sidled up to Joey. “I’m not so much in a beer mood, but whiskey I could do. Maybe it’s the burn I’m craving—”

She stopped short when she saw you and CJ. Her smile thinned.

“Oh! Hey, there,” she said.

CJ offered her nod, but his insides tightened. He watched you brighten and give Jen a hug that the other woman couldn’t easily reciprocate. Jen’s eyes were on him, even while she hugged you.

You and Joey then broke off to catch up for a bit (CJ encouraged you to it), while Pacey went back to watching a football game on the mega-sized TV with Jack. CJ was about to join them when Jen’s voice stopped him.

“You guys look good together,” she said. She had a glass of whiskey in her hand and a small smile on her face. Her blonde hair was shorter now, cut just below her ears. Her black halter-style dress suited her.

But she wasn’t you.

CJ smiled more genuinely. “Thanks.”

Jen was a good person. He was still sorry that he hurt her, but he wasn’t sorry for choosing you.

You were happy to see CJ hanging out with his friend David, along with Jack and Pacey and some other guys from school. Meanwhile, you had the chance to catch up with Joey and Jen.

Maybe it would give you a chance to mend this weird rift of distance that had seemed to come between you and Jen in recent weeks.

You didn’t know where it came from, but you genuinely admired Jen as a person. She was smart, and she always spoke her mind and stuck to her principles. That was something you wish you had more of in yourself.

Now, she was a bit quiet while sipping her whiskey. Joey made up for it, with a kind of giggle-snort you'd never heard come out of her mouth before. You raised a brow, despite your smile.

"Yes, Josephine?" you teased.

"Sorry," she waved a dismissive hand. "Just remembered something. Like the fact that I really like vodka. I mean, it's clear, almost tasteless, so it's almost like drinking water, you know?"

You and Jen shared an amused look.

"Sure, that's what it's like," you said.

Joey's eyes went wide then. She leaned in close to you, leaning on your shoulder.

"Oh. Don't drink champagne though," she said, while eyeing Jen. She "whispered" loud enough to be heard over the music, and also hurt your left ear. "She once killed a girl with champagne."

Jen's mouth fell open incredulously. Your eyes went as wide as Joey's. This was some serious “girl time.”

"Wait, what?" you said.

Jen looked at her empty glass. "Well, would you look at that? Right on time."

She escaped to the kitchen to refill her tumbler, but you and Joey followed her; you out of morbid curiosity, and Joey because she too wanted more vodka than orange juice in her plastic cup.

Jen gave you a smirk as she filled up her glass.

"Don't worry, you're all safe. This is Jameson," she said.

You emitted some nervous laughter and leaned on the kitchen counter, trying to figure out where the joke was here. How the hell do you kill a girl with champagne?

“So are you sure you don’t want an actual drink?” Jen asked, gesturing at your soda.

“Oh, no. I’m fine,” you held up a dismissive hand.

“You sure?” Pacey said, coming up from behind your little group to find a beer. “I got your boyfriend a vodka soda. I can get you one too.”

Your eyes widened, though you tried to hide your alarm, smoothing your hands down your jeans.

“What?” you asked.

Pacey paused. He’d caught the surprise flitting across your face. “What?”

“Um…” Your hesitation came from trying to process information in record time. You looked over and saw CJ with David. Your boyfriend was indeed holding a different cup.

You returned your attention to Pacey. His brows were raised. Joey looked confused as well, while Jen was sipping at her own drink, in a way that hinted that she already knew what you were about to say.

“CJ doesn’t drink,” you explained.

Pacey brows popped higher. “Ah. He’s 21 though, right?”

“Yes, but he’s a recovering alcoholic,” you said with a sigh. You didn’t want to have to say that, telling CJ's business, but you didn’t know how else to explain why you were slightly freaking out.

“Oh…uh, sorry about that,” Pacey said.

“No, it’s not your fault. Don’t worry about it,” you said.

Pacey gave a wan smile and returned to the group around the TV, CJ included. You sighed and turned back to Jen and Joey.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know either,” Joey said.

“Nothing to be sorry about,” you said, shaking your said. “I’ll just check on him, if you guys don’t mind—”

Jen’s glass hit the counter, and she poured herself another whiskey on the rocks.

“By all means, check away,” she said.

“Hey, sorry man. I didn’t know,” Pacey had said to him, with a look on his face that also said:

Sorry you’re a leper. That’s rough buddy.

CJ found himself withdrawing from the rest of the guys, even as the smell of vodka wafted from the solo cup in his hand. He glanced down at it with a short sigh, but he didn’t drink it, even though his hand itched to raise the cup to his lips.

You startled him a little when your hand curled around his arm.

“Hey,” you greeted in a whisper.

“Hey,” he smiled back at you. But the worried look on your face made his smile fall.

“Wanna hang out for a bit?” you asked, nodding at a quieter looking corner of the living room.

CJ waved at David with the hand that held his cup, and he followed you over to the far side of the couch. You sat on its edge, arms crossed, while he found a seat on the sill of a large window.

You pointedly glanced at his cup. “Have you been drinking?”

CJ’s lips pursed. He took in your stance: arms crossed, shoulders tense, lips pursed, eyes deeply concerned and wary.

Are we having fun yet? he thought dryly.

“See, I’d be more inclined to answer that question if you hadn’t lured me over here under false pretenses,” he remarked. Though he did set the cup down beside him on the windowsill.

“What false pretenses?” you asked, your brows furrowing.

“You don’t want to be with me. You want to check up on me,” he pointed out. “You’re looking at me like an inmate who got loose in the psych ward.”

You frowned then. “That’s not true. I’m just wondering why you would take an alcoholic beverage from Pacey.”

“Your friend offered me a drink. It seemed rude to say no, so…” CJ glanced down at his hands in his lap. Your head tilted in concern.

“CJ…” you sighed. “Why the hell would you ruin your sobriety over something like that?”

“I don’t expect you to understand,” he replied flatly.

“Oh really?” you said. Your lips pursed in irritation.

“I just didn’t want to get into it with a stranger,” CJ said, throwing up a hand. “But thanks for telling him that I don’t drink. Now he’s apologizing to me like I’m dying or something.”

A sharper sigh fell from your lips. “I told you we didn’t have to come here. I didn’t want to make you feel pressured to—”

“Again, you know this isn’t my first house party,” he said.

“Yeah, I know it’s not. So why? Why did this happen tonight?” you asked. “For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been so disciplined with yourself. You have a set of rules, and you follow them.”

“Yeah, well, did it ever occur to you that maybe I realized that I was too strict on myself?” he said. “That maybe we wouldn’t even be together if I didn’t bend those rules?”

Your mouth fell open incredulously, a bit of anger sparking your blood. He knew he shouldn't have said that. It just kind of flew out of his mouth, immediately sparking his guilt.

“Okay,” you snipped. “Well, maybe you shouldn’t be bending those rules at all if this is where it leads.”

CJ's lips pursed. “What, because I’ve been sitting here, spending the last hour debating whether or not to take a drink?”

He gestured at the cup beside him. 

Your eyes blinked wider, with even more surprise, and a heavy dose of confusion.

“Wait, what? Are you telling me that you haven’t been drinking tonight?” you asked.

“Is that going to magically change all the conclusions you just jumped to?” CJ retorted.

You closed your eyes with a sharp, exasperated sigh. When you opened them again, you frowned at him.

“Uh, yeah!” you exclaimed. "Of course it does, CJ!"

“Well, it doesn’t work that way,” he said. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it. Fine. Just like I’ve been trying to find some normalcy with you here. But apparently you find that wildly insulting.”

He was getting wildly defensive right now. You sort of saw where he was coming from, but it was still frustrating. You held a hand to your chest as your heart raced with the force of your relief.

“Look, I’m sorry for assuming. I’m just…I was worried about you,” you said honestly. “I knew coming here might be stressful for you—”

“I can handle stress,” CJ said. “What I can’t handle is you looking at me like I’m a powder keg waiting to explode.”

You raised up placating hands as you glared at him.

“Fine,” you said. “Sorry for being concerned about my boyfriend. I’ll try to curb that behavior in the future.”

At that, CJ’s frustration and anger simmered down, swiftly followed by more guilt.

You got up and blinked quickly, like you were fighting tears as you shook your head. You aimed to get by him, but he got off the windowsill and went for your hand. There was no drunk excuse for his behavior now.

No, this one was all him.

“Hey,” he said, in a softer voice. He looked down at you with softer eyes too. He could see now that you didn’t mean to make him feel less than, like you had to watch him so he wouldn’t mess up in front of your friends. No, you were just genuinely worried about his wellbeing. 

You looked up at him warily. He held your hand more securely in his.

“Okay, I’m sorry. I am,” he said, when he noted your raised brow. “I’m really grateful that you care about me. That you’re concerned about me. But I’ve been dealing with this for a long time. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t be yourself either, even when we’re out here in the wild.”

A small smile twitched at your lips. You held his hand back.

“Out in the wild, huh?” you quirked a brow. CJ smiled back and brushed your cheek with his thumb.

“I just need you to trust me a little more,” he said.

You nodded, smiling when his forehead gently rested against yours. The ends of his hair tickled between your brows.

“Okay, I’m sorry too,” you said. “Next time I won’t be so quick on the draw.”

You leaned up for a kiss. CJ met you there, sweetly at first. Then he tilted his head and deepened the angle of his lips moving against yours.

“Ooh save that for later,” Joey said, loudly from behind you.

It made you jolt in CJ’s arms. You turned your head and met your friend with a wide-eyed look of confusion. She held an empty wine bottle in her hand and waggled mischievous brows.

“Come on, let’s play.”

You really couldn’t believe that Joey was making you all play Spin the Bottle. For you, it was the stuff of awkward middle school horror stories of the highest form. She’d roped in you and CJ, Jen, Jack, Pacey and their roommate Emma, and Gus, a gross looking guy who was apparently her "fiancé" of some sort. 

Gus took the first turn, and got creative with it—giving Joey a nice lick on the cheek.

That’s what you get for making us play this dumbass game, you thought as you laughed.

Joey ended up giving Jack a sweet kiss, followed by him and Emma sharing a little lip-lock, and even Emma and Jen giggling as they came together for a peck.

But when it was Jen’s turn, the wine bottle spun, and spun…and landed on CJ. A chorus of “ooohs” came from the others.

You felt yourself bristle internally. It’s just a game, you reminded yourself. Just a stupid, stupid game.

You patted CJ’s knee and tried to school your face into amusement.

“You’re up, babe,” you said.

He looked a bit uncomfortable when he met your eyes, and then Jen’s. She wore a smile, though she was a little absent in the eyes. She’d been pounding hard liquor pretty much all night.

“All right, CJ. Let’s get this over with,” she teased.

He let out a subtle breath through his nose, but he uncurled his arm from around you so that he could lean over to meet Jen across the circle. Instead of the light peck that he was aiming for, she surprised him by taking his face in her hands and giving him a kiss deep enough to make him taste the burn of whiskey.

He parted from her with a flinch. His eyes blinked wide. A quick glance around the circle told him he wasn’t the only one who was surprised, but you were the only one he cared about. He settled back next to you and felt guilty for your muted disbelief, even though he wasn’t the real perpetrator here.

CJ frowned hard at Jen. She just smiled and crossed her arms around her legs, head bobbing to the tune of the alt rock music playing.

“Damn, Jen,” Pacey said, laughing uncomfortably. “That’s some dedication to the game.”

You were still shocked into stillness. You knew Jen was a bit deep into the bottle, but was she really drunk enough to try and make out with your boyfriend in front of you?

Joey finally dropped her hands from her face (she’d been watching the scene through the cracks in her fingers). She gave you an apologetic look. She was very effing drunk as well, you knew, but not make out with your boyfriend in front of you—drunk.

You finally looked over at CJ, not knowing who you should be more irritated with: Jen for sticking her tongue down his throat, or CJ for letting her.

“It’s your turn, bro,” Gus said. Not that he cared about whoever CJ landed on. He just wanted the chance to kiss another one of the girls. Preferably Emma.

CJ shook his head. “I don’t think I—”

“Go ahead,” you said. Your tone was a challenge, as were your crossed arms, and the tight expression on your face. “It’s just a game, right?”

That last part, you aimed at Jen. She finally had enough self-awareness to avert her drunken gaze. Your teeth were grinding.

Though you had to pause when you realized where CJ’s spun bottle had landed: right on you.

“Aw, well that’s good,” Joey said, with a nervous laugh that broke some of the tension in this little circle.

CJ let out a subtle breath of relief himself. But this was a whole new challenge as he met your steely gaze. He tried to give you a smile.

Your eyes fell. So with a small sigh, he gently took your chin between his fingers and tilted your face up to him, just before he leaned in to kiss you.

He plied you softly at first. His lips dragged against yours in a slow, lingering kiss. Then he angled his head away from the circle, away from prying eyes as he brushed his tongue across your lower lip, seeking entrance. You inhaled deeply, and you couldn’t help but let him in.

You uncrossed your arms and found his cheek with your hand. Your fingers soon delved into his hair, nails lightly scraping the back of his neck. He barely restrained a shudder.

“Ah, okay then,” Pacey muttered.

When you parted from CJ, your heart was racing, and there was a fire in your belly that you could see reflected in his eyes.

“I’m a little thirsty, you wanna…” he trailed. You nodded and let him help you off the ground where you all had been sitting.

CJ’s arm once again wrapped around your waist, and he led you into the first bedroom he could find. The door shut against the blaring music, the sounds of laughter and stories and dumb middle school games.

Until all that was left was you and CJ, and the sounds of quick breaths, clothes hitting the floor, and skin against skin.

“I’m sorry about earlier. With the game,” CJ later said. “Jen took me by surprise.”

Much later, where you were tangled up in his arms and the sheets, both of you mostly naked and tucked under the covers. You felt bad that you didn’t even know whose bedroom this was.

Jack’s maybe? You could only hope so. That would probably be the least awkward situation if you two were caught in here.

But at CJ’s question, your blissful mood of moments before was wiped away. Your face dropped into a frown. You turned in his arms so that you could see his face, resting your head on his arm.

“Yeah, what the hell was that with Jen?” you asked.

CJ soothed a hand up and down your arm. He knew it was time for him to come clean with you, even though he knew it might make you look at him differently. He could only hope that it wouldn’t.

“Before you and I started talking, dating—well, you know what happened with me and Audrey,” he said, expelling a breath of regret. “Before then, Jen had feelings for me.”

Your eyes widened. By now you could’ve guessed that Jen wanted your boyfriend, but you had no idea it had started way back then. CJ looked you in the eyes.

“I just didn’t feel the same way,” he said. “Then Audrey and I happened, just the one night. But Jen…I know I hurt her, and I felt terrible. I still feel bad about that, because I never meant to hurt her. I just thought Audrey and I had a connection.”

“And then Pacey,” you supplied, realizing where this story was headed. A fight between Pacey and CJ. Audrey left for rehab in California. And Jen was left to nurse her wounded pride and hurt feelings…especially when you and CJ began for real.

You closed your eyes on a sigh. This explained why she’d been so frigid to you lately.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” CJ said. “I didn’t want to come between you guys, or hurt her more by pursuing another one of her friends…I just couldn’t help falling for you.”

At that admission, you softened. You caressed CJ’s cheek, and you brought him down to you for a kiss. Again, it was slow and unhurried, yet no less passionate.

Your lips parted from his first, so you could meet his eyes.

“I’ll talk to Jen,” you said. “But…I’m glad I fell for you too.”

You and CJ shared a quiet moment then, each of you processing, hands intertwined. It had you thinking about everything he said tonight, even before the game. 

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it. Fine,” he’d said. “Just like I’ve been trying to find some normalcy with you here. But apparently you find that wildly insulting.”

You sighed and squeezed his hand. It was comfortably trapped between his bare chest and yours.

“Just for the record, you don’t have to be ‘normal’ for me, or be what you think I want around my friends. Just be you,” you said, meeting his green-eyed gaze. “I do trust you, CJ. I trust that you want to be with me, and that you have a handle on yourself.”

CJ smiled ruefully. He ran his thumb across the back of your hand.

“You were right though. The truth is I did get a little nervous tonight,” he said. “Being here, seeing Pacey…it brought up all that drama again. I took that vodka soda from him, and I was thinking about drinking it.”

“But you didn’t,” you said firmly. “Because you’re strong. Stronger than anyone I know.”

CJ looked down at your hand joined with his, at your face, set with honesty and vehemence. You seemed to believe every word of what you were saying. That alone made him feel strong.

“Thanks,” he said with a smile.

It hadn’t been all that long, but he knew this felt right. It always felt right with you.

You smiled back at him and leaned up for a sweeter kiss.  

“Thank you for bending your own rules for me,” you teased.

CJ chuckled. He stroked your cheek and pressed another kiss to your forehead.

“You’re my one exception,” he said.   

AN: As frustrated as CJ made me at times, somehow he weasels his way back into my heart. 😂💗 If you enjoyed this, let me know!

Ko-Fi Me ☕

CJ Braxton Masterlist

Main Masterlist

CJ Tag List:

@kazsrm67 @letheatheodore @agothwithheavysetmakeup @jacklesbrainworms @foxyjwls007

@wincastifer @ades106 @iamsapphine @roseblue373 @brianochka

@branj19 @hazel-eye-coffee-shop-girl-blog @globetrotter28 @charmed-asylum @waywardxwords 

@deanwinchestersgirl87 @this-is-me19 @rachiem4-blog @sweettimelady @leigh70

@clinicallydepresso @emily-winchester @xiphoidbones @skoveu @nyotamalfoy

@kmc1989 @jackles010378 @jessjad @pieandmonsters @deans-spinster-witch

@idiotdyslexic @heartlessdelusions @chriszgirl92 @peytongoose @hobby27

@waynes-multiverse @lovelyunjinn @twinkleinadiamondsky

#One Exception #Good Morning Sequel #dawsons creek #CJ Braxton #CJ Braxton x reader #CJ Braxton x female reader #CJ Braxton x you #CJ Braxton fics #jensen ackles characters #jensen ackles #CJ x reader #CJ x you #jen lindley #pacey witter #joey potter #dawsons creek fanfiction #CJ Braxton fanfiction #dawson's creek #zepskies writes

[equinelifecountry]

Drowning

Warning: depression, suicidal thoughts and actions, anxiety. torcher, blood (If missed anything lmk) Description: realizing that she was never enough for him and deciding the world might just be better without her in it

part 2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The clashing of metal singings throughout the top of the mountains being carried off with the wind. Sweat beads on my brow my labor breath is becoming louder by the passing minute I lift my sword again towards the right missing the target that was Infront of me the big Illyrian, the general of the powerful Night Court armies the smirk forming on his makes me want to slap it right off. "Oh, come on y/n I know you're better than that." he swiftly movies and swings his blade at me I dodged it just in time dropping down to the ground swing my legs and knocking him off his feet flat on his back I jumped up and just my foot on his chest with pressure and pointing the blade of my sword at his throat "Yes I know I am." I smirk matching his that claimed his face just moments ago.

It has been just over 3 years since the war against the King of Hybern I just shortly after the war was won so much has changed with my found family and with the new additions to the family the Archeron sister, bless the mother for bringing us Feyre bringing her to Rhysand. I am beyond happy that he has found his mate, his other half that makes him whole. I see from the beginning that day we went to their mansion to ask to host the mortal queens to talk that the tension with Cassian and Nesta was going to lead to something more those two were cut from the same cloth what more than the perfect match the Lord of Bloodshed and Lady Death herself. I can't forget about sweet Elain, the way that Azriel looked at her like she was the reason for him to breath and her deep brown eyes seem to lighten looking up at him, it was kind of cliche in a way the darkness and the lightness meets and blends so well together.

I remember when Azriel went into the middle of the enemies camp to rescue Elain even though he could of easily of been killed and that day before the last battle he gave her truth teller. I sat stood across the way putting on my leather and armor when I caught the seen unfold something cracked in my chest, since the day that Nesta and Elain was thrown into the cauldron Azriel always kept a close eye and helping hand to Elain, I could tell from the way he looked at her that it was much more than just being a good friend helping our High Lady's sister adjust to High Fae life he was falling for her, first it was Mor he was pinned over her for the longest time that never seen to bothered me to much. Mor confined in me about her love for other women so I knew nothing was ever going to help between her and Azriel but that still never eased the hurt I felt the way he looked and acted with her. I don't know why I thought there was ever going to be a chance of me and Azriel becoming something more all he sees is the poor broken female hung between those trees deep in the cold forest bleeding pouring form the wounds on her back forming a pool of blood under her feet.

I shook my head trying to shake the memories away grinning again I held out my hand to Cassian he reached up and I helped him back up on his feet. "oh its good to have you back y/n!" he slung and arm around my shoulders and we made our way back down the stairs towards the dinning room. "You never leave us like that again, got it?" I side eyed him "I just needed some space Cass." I signed "To many things happened during the war and everything else going on it was just to much mentally..." Cassian stopped and turned me to face him he had a worried look on his face "I know you do not like to talk about things much but I hope you know that you have me.. you have all of us if you need someone to talk to about thing.." he paused and put a hand on my forearm "I mean it." I just looked at him gave him a small smile and nodded he just did the same.

We walked in silence the rest of the way to the dining room has we walked through the doors a glanced up at the large table sat in the middle of the room there he was and so with everyone else, i mean everyone. Cassian made is way over to Nesta and planted a kiss on her forehead and sat down I stayed in the doorway just staring at everyone. "Come join us y/n." I shifted my eyes toward Rhysand who was looking at me with is smirk he always seems to wear. "It has been far too long since we had everyone for a family dinner." I swallowed hard and blinked everyone now was staring at me waiting for me to come and sit was them or just waiting for a reply. I avoided looking in the direction and the shadow singer and the lovely flower that stay by him I turned and locked my eyes with Rhys "I'm sorry but I think I'm going to have to pass tonight, I am just far too exhausted" he gave me a worried look the same has Cassian did in the hall I felt him trying to break through my mental walls I just shut him out and gave a weak smile and turned to head back up to my room feeling a heavy stare on my back that sent shivers running down my spine.

#acotar #azriel x you #azriel x y/n #azriel angst #azriel x reader #acotar fanfic #sarah j maas #fanfic #azriel spymaster #azriel acotar #azriel acotar x reader #azriel shadowsinger #azriel #azriel x reader angst

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for mocking my math teacher?

a few months ago my school got a new math teacher. this would be fine, if not for the fact that one of the first things she did was ask me (14M) if something was going on at home. along with this, i wad also severely depressed.

not only that, she had told multiple kids that ADHD is not real/that its a myth. my friend (14F, we'll call her c) and i both have adhd, along with many other kids in our class. she just very clearly does not know how to teach neurodivergent kids and it pisses me off every day.

i also had a conversation with her that was like

her: youve been slacking... somethings been off these last few weeks...

me: yeah i did stop taking my adhd meds recently

her: nonono it was a few weeks ago

me: yeah i stopped taking them. a few weeks ago.

her: why?:(

me: well they stopped me from eating so

and she just. walked away😭

so today c and i were sat next to eachother, and c goes to get help with a problem we were both struggling on. c comes back and sits down without a word. a few minutes later, i notice the teacher is basically yelling across the room at c and gaslighting her. telling her that she hadnt said anything about the problem being wrong, blah blah blah.

so a bit later into the class, this teacher comes over to our desk to help me, and says something along the lines of "you guys were talking earlier, you need to focus more ill move you so you can focus better if you dont stop talking" ect ect. c speaks up and says "well its hard for me to focus anywhere" and the teacher just. denies her?? so i say "well we have attention deficit hyperactive disorder so its not really something we can control" and she just kind of. disagrees?? it was weird idk anyways she starts walking away and im mocking her in a low voice which i understand wasnt a great choice but also. she was being a bitch. so she turns around and says "see me after class you two..." like damn okay.

c is also an overachiever so she often goes in for help and a few times shes just been denied help and like ??? you literally offered her help why are you now taking this back

this teacher has also given us a test on the ladt day of the quarter on something that we had been learning for maybe a week or so and it was worth 100 points (tests = 90% of our grade, hw = 10%)

i understand that mocking isnt a great thing to do but this woman has hated me from day one so aita

#aita #am i the asshole

[sunnycanvas]

Request for Baldwin IV x fem!reader, in which the reader is very fascinated by medicine and constantly tries to find a cure for her husband’s leprosy. She has some rashes and burns on her body from testing different ointments and healing methods and sometimes even drinks and experiments with poison, to see if it could be effective in treating her husband. She has a burning curiosity for healing plants and poison, but she also wants to help Baldwin. Only Tiberias knows of her experiments. One day, he asks Baldwin to please tell his wife to stop endangering herself with her sometimes careless experiments, since she won’t listen to the older knight when he tells her to stop.

Disclaimer: Talk of depression and death

I was busy working with ointments again at late evening secretly. Occasionally checking the door worried I will be caught. "I think this will work" I thought, I could feel confidence in my vein as I worked harder determined to find cure for my husband. Suddenly I felt someone grab my left shoulder. Not bothering to check I said "Don't tell his majesty or else you will be kicked out of your position"

"So, my queen threatens people now." The voice cut through the air like a blade, slicing through the fragile peace of the moment. I stood there, frozen in my position, my mind racing as I scrambled for a way out of this precarious situation. "Will you ignore your king as well?" The first half of the statement was gentle, almost pleading, but the second half was cold and unforgiving, sending shivers down my spine. "Answer when I am talking to you."

My heart sank as I realized the source of the voice. I turned slowly, apprehension knotting in my stomach, and there he was—my husband, Baldwin, his gaze like ice, piercing through me with accusation. Behind him stood Tiberias, his expression filled with guilt, a silent witness to my downfall.

"That son of a b—"

"Tiberias, leave us alone for a while," Baldwin's command was firm, his tone betraying his inner turmoil. Tiberias cast one last apologetic glance my way before retreating, leaving me alone with Baldwin.

As soon as Tiberias was out of earshot, Baldwin seized my arms, his grip tight, his emotions raw. His eyes searched mine, filled with a mixture of concern and anguish. He pulled me into a tight embrace, his touch both comforting and suffocating.

"How could you do this to yourself?" His voice cracked with emotion as he held me close, his lips pressing gentle kisses all over my face. "What if you had hurt yourself? What if I lost you?"

His words struck a chord deep within me, stirring a whirlwind of guilt and remorse. I couldn't bear to see him in pain, couldn't bear the thought of causing him any more anguish. I smiled weakly, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes, and whispered, "I'm sorry, Baldwin. I didn't mean to..."

But he silenced me with another kiss, his love enveloping me like a warm blanket

"Herbs are safe," I insisted, my voice trembling with the weight of my deception. "There are no downsides to using them."

Baldwin's gaze bore into mine, a silent accusation hanging in the air. "Mon amour, I admit, as a knight, I am not as skilled as you are, but I am not stupid either," he said, his tone laced with suspicion. "I am aware that poisons are sometimes used for curing leprosy."

I forced a smile, trying to mask the guilt that threatened to consume me. "Don't worry, I don't use that. I am being safe."

"Oh really?" Baldwin's voice was like ice, cutting through the facade I had built around myself. "Then what's that under your sleeve?"

My heart plummeted as I realized I had been caught. "Shit!"

Baldwin narrowed his eyes, his expression a mix of hurt and betrayal. "I might not be a doctor, but I sure do know a liar," he said, his voice heavy with disappointment.

"Show me your arms," he demanded, his tone brooking no argument.

"Bald—"

"Show me!" The command echoed through the room, leaving no room for defiance. Reluctantly, I rolled up my sleeves, revealing the evidence of my folly.

Baldwin's eyes closed in pain as he took in the sight before him. "We should not see each other for a while," he said, his voice strained with emotion.

I felt as though the ground had been ripped out from beneath me, the weight of his words crushing me with their finality. "No, please don't separate me from you," I pleaded, desperation lacing my voice. "You are the reason I am doing all this."

"I know," Baldwin's voice roared, the anger and hurt pouring forth like a tempest. "How could you do this to me? To us? Did you even stop for a moment to think about what would happen to me if I lost you too?"

The accusation hung heavy in the air, a painful reminder of the consequences of my actions. "It's best we stop seeing each other," he said finally, his voice filled with resignation.

Tears stung my eyes as I realized the depth of my folly, the irreparable damage I had caused. "Please, Baldwin, I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice barely audible "I can't live without you" "When I was lost and had no hope in my life you came to me and taught me how to live" "You gave me strength" "I wanted to do something for you something as well" "Please Baldwin, I will die without you"

Baldwin's eyes flashed with a mixture of anger and sorrow as my words hung in the air, heavy with despair. "Don't you dare say that," he spat, his voice laced with venom. "Do you even realize what you're saying?"

I flinched at the harshness of his tone, his words like daggers piercing my already wounded heart. "But Baldwin, I…" I began, my voice trembling with fear and desperation.

"No!" he interrupted, his voice booming through the room, filled with a raw intensity that made me recoil. "I won't allow you to talk like that. You have no right to speak of ending your life as if it's some kind of solution."

Tears welled up in my eyes as I struggled to find the words to defend myself, to make him understand the depths of my despair. "But Baldwin, I can't bear to go on like this," I pleaded, my voice barely above a whisper. "The pain, the guilt… it's consuming me from the inside out."

His eyes softened momentarily, a flicker of compassion breaking through the storm of his anger. But it was fleeting, replaced once more by a steely resolve. "I know you're hurting," he said, his voice gentler now, though no less firm. "But giving up is not the answer. You are stronger than this, my love. We will find a way through this darkness together."

I shook my head, unable to comprehend how he could still have faith in me after everything I had done. "But what if I can't find my way back?" I whispered, my voice barely audible above the tumult of my own despair.

"Then I will be there to guide you," Baldwin vowed, his words a beacon of hope in the midst of my despair. "I will never leave your side, no matter how dark the path may seem." "I am sorry I had been to harsh on you" "I made a vow to never leave your side and I shall hold the vow till the last breath of life" "Let us pray to God" "He brought us two unfortunate souls together" "Perhaps he will give us happily ever after and thus a tale shall be told between al leper and beautiful angel" I giggled at his silly comment and Baldwin abashed said "I do want our love to eternal" "Just like kingdom of heaven"

And as he pulled me into his arms, holding me close as if to shield me from the pain of the world, I clung to him desperately, holding onto his love like a lifeline in the midst of the storm. For in his embrace, I found the strength to believe that perhaps, just perhaps, there was still a glimmer of light amidst the darkness that threatened to consume me.

#kingdom of heaven #baldwin iv #kingdom of heaven 2005 #kingdom of heaven fandom #baldwin iv imagine #baldwin iv x reader #kingdom of heaven fanfic #kingdom of heaven fanfiction #king baldwin iv #kingdom of heaven headcanons

[californiannostalgia]

Processing identity as a child abuse survivor

Recently I had a huge revelation. Come with me on this childhood trauma realization journey (if you want).

This post was written for those wavering on the 'was it abuse' question.

Fair warning, each of these revelations were a whammy. I recommend you keep in mind that these revelations will transform the way you see yourself and the world. This took me out of commission for hours at a time.

Revelation 1: Was I Abused?

Read this Tumblr post. Go down the list. Check the 'yes'es and 'maybe's.

'Was I abused' is a yes or no question. I need you to really think about this if your answer is 'kind of'. If you could be truly honest with yourself, what would your answer be?

For years I've gone to the logic of 'it wasn't that bad,' and 'at least the worst didn't happen,' or 'others have had it worse'. This is such a low bar. You deserve better than the bar your parents set for you. The socioeconomic circumstances and the normalization of violence in your living area? Yes, influential. But not a justification.

At the end of the day, the veracity of these statements don't even matter. It's a yes or no question: 'Am I a survivor of child abuse?'

It may take a really long time to truly process, and even then it might feel uncomfortable saying it like it's truth. I need you to know your truth is truth. It's a yes or no question.

Take a break. I recommend you don't progress further until you've processed Revelation 1.

(Shameless plug-in of my fandom blorbo interests: Rick Riordan's Trials of Apollo series really helped me with this first revelation. It made me feel seen and less alone. It may not be perfect, but I personally liked it!)

Revelation 2: What does this mean? (health-wise)

Listen to this Ted Talk by an expert (medical professional).

This is the part where I got angry and really fucking sad. Let yourself be sad. Let yourself be furious. Our life is not our fault and we're still stuck with this lot.

Genuinely this was such a shock for me to realize. The thing that has the biggest impact on my life is not my anxiety, depression, ptsd, insomnia, blood pressure, immune health, etc. The root cause of my physical and mental illnesses is Adverse Childhood Experiences.

ACE is more common than you'd think. Acknowledging that what happened to you was bad will be beneficial to humanity's survival in the long run. Like any illness, ACE can be fought at a societal level.

Take a break. I recommend you don't progress to the next revelation until you've processed Revelation 2.

Take your time to be angry and sad. Take forever. You never have to forgive your abuser, even if they change their behavior. The chance at a civil acquaintanceship you might be willing to extend to your parents doesn't require your forgiveness.

.

Revelation 3: Why is your therapist recommending you retell your life story?

This one is mostly for when you have steady access to a therapist. Here are some things I wish I'd known before seeking out therapy in the US.

(Is it shitty that you can't get therapy on your own terms when you're underage? Yes, it fucking is. To those of us who survived to adulthood: holy shit y'all. At 19 I felt like absolute fucking bullshit, like my brain was a burning ball of tangled barbed wire. It does feel absolutely shitty. But reaching 19 is an achievement.)

The thing is, I do or say a lot of things that I later come to think of as embarrassing, inappropriate, or in certain circumstances, potentially abusive. Genuine trigger reactions happen. I will always have to live with a piece of my parents in my head. But I don't want to do to another person what they did to me. Self-awareness is what separates me from my abusers.

What to do about this? Number 1: chill out. You're not gonna be your abuser. Humans are unique and imperfect. They have not replicated themselves in you. It's okay to make mistakes when you're talking or reacting. Your brain is fucked up. You can do something differently next time.

Number 2: read this article about Overthinking, Over-apologizing, Oversharing, and Overwhelmed as trauma responses.

Then read this article on how to deal with Unresolved Trauma.

Yeah. It be like that. Isn't it fucked up? Recognizing the four Os in my behavior helped me realize I'm not an antisocial asshole by default.

Unresolved trauma is the root cause for my behaviors that I think of as unhealthy. This revelation happened very recently for me. Before this point in time, I couldn't understand why I would want to recount traumatic events in therapy.

At this point in time, I have regular access to a therapist I'm okay with. Going over memories and deconstructing the blame system seems like a reasonable thing to try.

What happened to you as a child is not your fault. You're not the one who landed yourself in your life. You've been given an unfairly difficult situation to be responsible for. You did not create your coping mechanisms for shits and giggles.

So yeah. Number 3: figure out your life with the help of a therapist. Let's see where we are ten years later or something.

Nothing is easy and everything is confusing. Take a break, hydrate, eat, sleep, do something nice for yourself. Do something you like doing. Thanks for reading.

#child abuse #domestic abuse #trials of apollo #mental health #life advice #my thoughts #resources #therapy #Youtube

[remindingpersephone]

Here we go again

Hi gang. I'm back on my Chris-Get's-Healthy kick, again. I know I've talked about this and asked for your help in the past. I am once again attempting to quit sugar and work out more.

If you have offered me advice in the past and are tired of my requests, yet again, for advice and ideas, I understand. I get it. Believe me, no one is more tired of my bullshit and my inability to stick to a regimen and make the healthy choices than I am.

This last time I was derailed by my mom's illness and death. I just did not have the mental space or physical energy to commit to disciplined nutritional choices and consistent work outs while taking care of her. But the reasons don't really matter because there were excuses before this one, and on and on. I have been starting and giving up on, healthy living routines since I was 18 years old. Let's do the math, that's 30 years!

A little background: I am not a yo-yo dieter. I very slowly put on weight starting with my first desk job at 20 and never dropped it. The weight has never bothered me. I am a confident woman who has never needed to fit into a six 6. I am also single by choice and nothing in the last 30 years has given me a reason to change my mind about this.

This situation now is that I'm looking hard at 50 and the little aches and pains: the trick knee, the occasional sciatica, the feet that get a little too sore too soon, are, I feel, all red flags signaling that hitting snooze on my health is no longer an option.

I truly believe that fitness and nutritional eating are not only the key to staying fit and active, but I think if I just commit and get through those first few tough months, I would actually like it.

Lately I've been drinking my Dr. Pepper and eating my high-calorie cheesy pasta and lots of sourdough bread (all my favorites), but they just haven't been as satisfying as they once were. [Sidebar: I realize some of this could be residual depression and grief making life just not as wonderful as it once was. That will take time.]

Mostly, I'm just tired of giving the "I have got to get my health in order" thoughts the mental real estate in my brain. I need to deal with it so I can move on from it. So it is not such big part of my daily thoughts.

My long-winded and self-indulgent post here is just to ask once again - and I swear for the last time - what do you all find works for you as far as fitness and nutrition goes? My fitness goals are:

to get stronger and improve flexibility and mobility while protecting the joints and ligaments

staving off osteoporosis

alleviating some peri-menopause symptoms

My nutrition goals are:

to kick the sugar addiction once and for all and change my palate so I don't crave sweet things so much

prevent diabetes/heart disease, etc. before they start

improving gut health

I welcome all comments and advice, and that includes the tough-love "girl, you have got to get your shit together!"

#fitness and nutrition #here we fucking go again

[imbibitorlunaeluv]

Late Night Talks

You can't seem to get a peaceful night's rest, and neither can he.

Yuta Okkotsu x Fem! reader.

A lil drabble I made, basically for those who feel absoloutely guttered after a long day. L/N is your last name! have fun lovelies and DON'T sleep late!

This isn’t normal. None of this should be normalised to a teenage girl, a child who eliminates curses up until the sun rises up. But there are some who are considered gifted. Blessed to be stronger by others, and at all cost protect the weak. Though those rules are unwritten, it should be common knowledge by everyone.

I open the door to the dorms, my breath heavy as I fight the urge to close my eyes. A full week of enduring the need to faint is what I have overcome, and it may as well become part of my life by now. They say it is all well, the safety of others- of the weak, ensured.

The strong shielding the weak.

I lazily take off my combat boots, not caring what noise I may make at this time of night as I let my back collapse onto the sofa. I feel my sight become a blur, the taste and smell of curses still lingering in the air, the face of a helpless man screaming and kicking whilst making it harder to exorcise the damned cursed spirit.

To hell with the weak.

My right arm lifts up to cover my eyes, exhaling through my nose as I feel myself getting lightheaded,

“I feel like dying today…”

I mutter, to absoloutely no one. Besides, who in god's name would still be up by this hour?

“L/N-san?"

For some reason, something in me warms up just by hearing the familiar voice. I pry my hand away slightly, only to be met by a cursed boy’s dark silhouette in the dimly lit living room we both inhabit. His head peeked out from above the couch, leaning against the back of it while he looked down at me.

“Yuta…” I couldn’t fight the small smile forming onto my face, a slight bit surprised that I was caught off guard and couldn’t sense his presence.

“What… Why are you still awake?”

"I should be the one to ask you that."

I sit up slightly, propping myself up onto my elbows as I attempt to show a non exhausted grin, not like he could actually see it in such darkness.

“I just finished a mission… took longer than expected.”

He doesn’t at all seem satisfied with my answer. The change in atmosphere and posture could tell it all,

“Ah… alright then.”

“You don’t seem content with my answer, pretty boy.”

And he answers a beat later,

“You’re lying. Your missions usually take way longer than this.”

Even without seeing him clearly, the frown on his face was as bright as the sun. Ever since our shared conversation in the sushi restaurant, Yuta and I have been conversing more and more frequently without experiencing an awkward silence.

So attentive, I let a chuckle slip past my lips. The thought of having someone who could actually be awake enough to hear me come through the door is actually frightening. Having someone else who also has a messed up sleep schedule, or mind, accompanying me in the lonely night.

I gave into a smile, “You were always awake, weren’t you?”

A question that needed no answering to, making Yuta shake his head slightly as he walked to turn on the kitchen light instead.

“I never sleep- well at least I try not to…” his voice trails off, a yawn overcoming him as I sit up to get a better view of Yuta.

The way his eyes were begging to be closed shut, his slouched back and heavy eye bags were enough to make me feel slight pity. For a boy who claims to never sleep, he’s done particularly well in the art of combat. His passion, his determination, his love towards her.

I pursed my lips at the thought of Rika, “Do you never try to talk to… you know… Rika?”

A laughable question it might be, humorous to Yuta probably as I expected him to topple over laughing. But then again, it’s Yuta. The depressed cursed teenage boy I saved. The cursed boy merely smiles, holding his mug in one hand as he looks over to me.

“Not ever since being haunted by her face in my dreams, no.”

I experienced it too, is what I wanted to say. Although nothing leaves my mouth, I give an understanding nod instead. After realising that the past would always chase me till my sleep, I was slightly grateful for the stockpile of missions that made me occupied. I stopped consulting with Shoko as it proved to be of no help.

“Sometimes when I do see a glimpse of the past Rika… I feel sick to my stomach.”

I know the feeling.

“Knowing that I couldn’t even do anything made me feel useless… even until now.”

I’ve always felt that way.

“Sometimes I feel that Gojo-sensei was right… love is a twisted curse.”

Love is for the weak.

I let out a hum, eyes casted down to instead look at my nails and speak whatever comes to my head, “He told me the same thing. But I thought it was so I would steer away from dating anyone.”

And for a moment, I catch a glimpse of Yuta’s sheepish look.

“You-you’ve never… had a lover?” he questions me, his cheeks flaring up into a vibrant pink while avoiding any form of eye contact. He sounds lost, astounded, even. It’s as if the facts I conveyed to him were all white lies.

“Never really thought of having one, really. I admit that the topic of romance does hang higher in the books I read, but I’ve never experienced what it’s like to be loved romantically by someone.”

My explanation seemed to bring Yuta some courage to at least look me in the eye, his lips slightly parted at the information he received. He seems to stay like that for a moment, the same startled look looming on his features.

I take notes on his face features, softly lit up by the light shining right above the kitchen counter behind him. The colour on his face seemed to return after enrolling in Jujutsu High for a while, and he doesn’t look as skinny and bony as he did. His hair was growing a tad bit longer, more fluffy but never kept neat. My gaze goes down to his lips, his slightly chapped, parted lips.

I feel myself getting warmer by the second, my heart thumping so loud I can almost throw it up. He looks at me, with such eyes that cloud so much thought. And I absolutely feel myself getting weaker just by this, and I absolutely hate it.

I return my gaze to his eyes, “Too shocked to speak?”

Yuta flinches by the sound of my voice, almost as if he was in a haze whilst looking over at me. He then shakes his head, watching his unkept raven hair move as a blush rises to his ears. He covers his mouth with the back of his hand, eyes not meeting mine as I can barely make out his muffled voice,

“You’re just… too pretty

#jujustu kaisen #yuta okkotsu #yuta x reader #yuuta x reader #okkotsu yuuta #jjk yuuta #jjk #jjk x reader #fluff #jjk fluff

[thekidsarentalright]

Idk if you have talked about this (you probably already did) but I'm just curious, in your opinion what is the kids aren't alright about? Have you done any analysis on the song?

i probably Have analyzed it but i can't find it and its been so long so. will Happily ramble here about what i think its about <3 tbh this is the most beautiful ask i could ever get thank u <3

since you asked what i think tkaa is about, i'm not gonna do this in the normal way i analyze songs, which is a more line-by-line style to paint a picture of the whole story of the song, but instead just wanna like. ramble fksjdnf about it and what it means to me

i think the entire meaning of the song can be summed up by the line, "and in the end, i'd do it all again / i think you're my best friend", which really is to mean that i think that the overarching theme of the song is that life can be worth repeating and going through again for the people that you go through it with. connection and relationships give life incredible meaning, even with the bad things, even with sorrow and darkness, love makes it worth it- i'm yours, when it rains it pours, stay thirsty like before, as the song goes. when the storm comes, as the rain starts pouring and destruction closes in on you, wouldn't it be more comforting to have somebody beside you? facing the chaos with their hands in yours? wouldn't it be worth going through the storm again (stay thirsty like before) just to have those moments with the people you love?

and normally when i analyze songs, i very much try to stay away from analyzing them in a way that is very personal to pete/the members of the band just because... i don't wanna be presumptive! but, this song feels like one of the few that i Can't look at separate from pete and the band. no song feels more like a love letter to the band, and even to the fans, than the kids aren't alright. this band has known each other for over half their lives, they have been best friends and brothers for longer than they haven't been. every up and down each of them have gone through since they met each other, they have gone through together, they have seen their darkest sides and deepest depressions and through it all have Still chosen to love each other and stick together. as the rain has come and poured on them, as the storm that is life shipwrecked the band and sent them stranded in seemingly opposite directions, the love remained. the found each other again, because they were willing to do it all again for each other. their love and friendship is the purest embodiment of the song, and is the thesis of fall out boy as a band, to me. even through destruction and overbearing egos and inner turmoil each of them were experiencing that we are likely to never know the depths of- they Chose that their bonds were worth it, their bonds made life worth living and fighting for.

i feel that spirit, that life is worth fighting for if you have someone/something you love to Live for, is perfectly encapsulated by the lyrics, "and it's our time now if you want it to be / maul the world like the carnival bear set free"- if you want, life is ours for the taking regardless of the rest of the world. carnival bears were often mistreated and repressed, beaten down for acting in their nature, if one were set free they would finally truly be Free to be how they wish to be. in the context of the song, because we have each other, we can take the world on how We want, we can be who We want to be, Together. This is also something that i think is the thesis of fall out boy- the band of underdogs for underdogs, fighting for a space in the world to be safe and express themselves how they want to, and because they've found each other and an audience that Understands them, they can maul the world like the carnival bear set free. they are mauling the world, with every song released and show performed, they're taking on the world on their terms as a united band of best friends. and with their fans behind them, that spirit is embodied tenfold, making this song not only feel like a song for the band, about the band, but Also about the fans and for the fans.

before coming to any sweeping conclusion, i wanna talk about the bridge, because i feel like it is the last piece that does fully show what i think the song is about in totality. The bridge goes, "sometimes i just want to sit around and gaze at my shoes / and let your dirty sadness fill me up just like a balloon"- other than the carnival bear line, i believe this might be my favorite lyric of the song (which is saying a lot in a song of banger after banger line), as i feel the imagery it paints is just so heartaching and melancholy in such a beautiful way. there's a lot here in these lyrics, from how in the genius annotations pete annotated this line with a still of someone's shoes and a bunch of guitar pedals on the ground- something he would no doubt gaze down at when gazing down at his shoes while recording or performing, hammering home the meaning of this song being about/for the band and the fans. they share their sadness with each other, with the fans (to an extent), and the fans share their sadness back- music is always a reminder of the bond we all share in our heaviest moments, as is the guitar pedals being present when gazing down at your shoes in sorrow or guilt. another point i want to make is about "gaze at my shoes" perhaps being a play on words about "shoegaze" as a genre of music defined by guitar distortion and effects and a dreamy/ethereal feel- connecting the picture, the lyrics, the meaning of the band and fans always being there and music being a connection between us all, in a way. essentially, i feel this lyric is just a very melancholy, beautiful way to say sometimes its very easy to just wallow in your feelings, but having somebody with you to help take on your sadness, having these connections and these bonds, can make it lighter.

to try and find a way to summarize it, i really do just think the kids aren't alright is about love. in its purest form, it's about love. loving other people enough to live for them, finding the bonds and connections that give meaning to a meaningless existence, allowing yourself to feel pain in equal measure with pleasure. these are things that make life what it is, without these things life would be numb, meaningless nothingness. in the purest way, i believe the kids aren't alright is about what it is to be human and to love with reckless abandon, to be free to be and feel and love even if pain is present. Because pain doesn't diminish the love or light you can experience in life, and allowing yourself to believe anything less is to deny yourself a instrumental piece of the human experience.

#i truthfully did not mean to ramble this much but i simply cannot overstate how much this song means to me and how important it is #like it is my ethos as a human being it is my guiding light it is everything to me and putting it into words is!!!!! very important to me #anyways. thanks again for sending this writing this all out was a joy <3 #asks #anon #analysis.txt

[m45wood]

Break My Heart

Sal x Male Reader

Summary: You’ve grown distant with Sal after you figured out about what you’ll do after this school semester. (College)

WC: 2k

Warnings: Smoking of Cannabis, Mention of tobacco use, Hurt No Comfort, Character Death, Reader overthinks, Sal Comforts, Depression, Loss, Suicide 2x, Reader Comforts. NOT PROOFREAD.

A/N: Was high when I wrote this. First post hope you enjoy!!

Sal rests on your legs. Your hands trancing his arms up and down. You currently lay on the ground smoking weed while he lays and sleeps. Larry is sat across to you two smoking a blunt. You’re all watching a random movie on one of the channels. You aren’t paying attention to it more focused on the blue haired boy on your lap. A small corner window is open. Let some of the smell out you Sal doesn’t want to get second hand high. Sal wasn’t by means a goody two shoes. He’s smoked a cigarette every once in a while but doesn’t like how weed makes him feel. Alcohol also made him feel off. You understood that, never did anything in front of him but Larry. Well it’s Larry, it’s quite usual for him.

“Your dad was over last night” Travis says exhaling softly. Sal grunts eyeing Travis. The subject of Larry’s Mom and Sals dad getting together was quite an odd subject matter. Sal was always out on edge. You could tell by his shoulders hiking up. You softly stroked Sals hair. “Want to go get slushies?” You asks wanting to get out of the cramped basement. He nods. He sits up and you pull yourself up as well. You usually do this to just take a walk. Larry denies the request to go and continue watching the random action movie sequence. As you get ready to leave the house you see Sal going without his mask. You smiles at him and close the door behind him after he steps outside. You both begin a small walk. The wind blows a bit causing your hair to move in different directions. “Windy. Hope your hair doesn’t get caught in a branch like that one time” You say to him. He chuckles. His hood is up covering most of his face with his hands inside his jacket pockets back hunched over. “Gotta fix that posture man” As you approach a cross section you pull out a cigarette and slowly begin to light it when you cross the road. “Want some?” you ask passing it over. He nods his head now. You nod and continue.

You both finally arrive nodding at the cashiers greeting. You both grab a big cup and fill it to the top. You grab a couple snacks and send Larry a text to see what kind of gummies he wants (the shark ones). Head down, sal follows you to the worker. “How’s your night going?” The worker says in politeness. “Well, how about you?” You reply as the worker continues the small talk and gives the bag of goods. You both give a thanks and walk out. You pass the slushie to him and grip the bag tighter. “Do you know what you’re going to do after this semester ends?” He asks you.

This is a subject neither of you have talked about. You both know that Sal is going to stay and you want to leave. You haven’t planned anything because you don’t want to leave him. You don’t want it to become a reality. You shrug. “I don’t have any plan really” You lie. He can tell. You won’t face him. You look up whenever you’re uncomfortable. He looks down at his face. “Same” The walk back is silent and almost a clear wall between you two.

“Here are the sharks” You say throwing the bag to Larry as it hits his face and his nose scrunches. “Thanks” He grabs the bag off his face and tears it open. Sal sits on the couch. You frown at this action knowing he’s ignoring you now. You lay on the ground this time.

Too much time has passed. It’s time to tell Sal what you’re going to do. “Sal, can we talk?” You say at his door. He turns to you. “Yeah what’s up?” he ask leaning on his elbows. You take a deep breath and close the door. “I finally know what i’m going to do” You state looking at him. His mask is still causing you not to know what his reaction might be. Just solely by his eye and body language. You’ve learned to read his expression and body language after years of dating and being friends. He nods encouraging to go on. You stare at him and then stare at your shoes. “I’m planning on going out of state. I got an opportunity to study elsewhere and I really want to go. I won’t be home for long time but it will be a while considering it’s 2 semesters” You stare up at him. He’s emotionless. Not because of his mask. His body is still. Breathing normal and his eyes are just glossy. “Sal?”

“I felt this coming” He says staring at you. “We’ve been distant don’t you think?” He questions. You nod. “It���s like you don’t want to see me. Like you feel guilty. I hate that” He says. It’s something he’s talked to you about. He doesn’t want peoples guilt or pity. He just wants to be treated normal. You always understood. Always did your best. Until now. You’ve grown distant and your eyes stare how you feel about him. How your eyes divert every where. Never catching his eye. Magnets with the same poles. Repelling each other. The distance growing stronger with the energy growing. “I’m sorry. I’m just scared. I don’t want to lose you” You say. “You aren’t going to lose me over something simple” He says leaning over to look at you. “I think my brain is just thinking of the worst,” you say eyes filling with tears, “what if you find someone better while i’m gone?” You state. He smiles at you. You can tell by his eye. “No one is better than you. I should be the one scared” He says. “Don’t say that. I would never do that” You say grabbing his hands. “Okay i won’t but see. You care so much how could i ever leave you” You stare at him knowing he’s right. Your love for him is stronger than distance. You love him so much it’s suffocating. It wraps you two so tightly together you can’t even believe to think about someone else. You smile. “Can i kiss you?” You ask. He nods. You place your lips onto his cold masks lips. He lets out a small giggle and unhooks his mask. “Better?” “Better”

Your studying has gone great. The program you’re in thankfully covered everything. Housing, food, finances, and classes. Every weekend you had either school work to do or could go and explore the big city. It was quite pleasant. You called Sal when you could. It wasn’t often but you did send letters to each other. They were sweet and handwritten. It smelled like him and it smelled like you. It was always the highlight of your week. The closer you got to the first semester the more busy you got. You wanted to finish everything early to show up early. You wanted to surprise Sal. You had bought many things for him, and of course your other friends, but many reminded you of Sal. You missed Sal so much. Your heart would ache.

“Hey Sal,

I hope you are doing well! I found a cat yesterday. He was missing an eye just like you. He really reminded me of you.”

You were writing Sal a letter when your phone began to ring. It was Ash. She called you every once in a while as she also went out of state so you both could relate. “Hey. What’s up?”

“Larry’s Dead”

Those were the first words you heard from Ash. They rung in your ear. A constant ring. You had finally made it back to your hometown. You made an emergency call to your professors and educators. Once you had everything settled you rushed back. You have your condolences to Larry’s mom. To Sal’s dad. Next was to visit Sal. You had talked to Ash when you arrived and when she called. You rushed to Sals home. “Sal!” You say opening the door. You run towards his bedroom and knock. You open it and see Sal in bed. His face is wet. His pillowcase is soaked. “Sal…” You say softly walking to him. He eyes you. “(Name) Why?” he croaks, “Why would he do something so stupid?” You hold him as he sobs into your shirt. You rub his back as your eyes starts to cry.

You didn’t just lose one of your best friends. You lost those around you. The happiness of those around you. Those you care about experience loss. Once again. You all have felt loss but somehow this one was different. Larry was everything to everyone. To his mom he was sanctuary. Pleasant reminder of the past and how it does get better. For Sal his first friend in a new town after his tragic loss. He was your best friend. He was Ash’s best friend. He meant so much to those around him. Him being gone never felt real. It all felt like you were living in a nightmare. Nothing was real. Nothing felt authentic. It was all imitating reality. As if there had been a glitch and Larry somehow managed to disappear.

With time people healed. As much as they could. Ash went back to study. Larrys mom tried her best to move on. She got a new job and moved somewhere with Sals dad. Sal though, he stayed. He stayed and you knew you had to stay with him. But you still had school. You were, once again, stuck. With Larry’s loss you both grew apart once again. You both grieved differently. You tried to find peace with his decision. Sal tried to understand it.

“You don’t get it. If i don’t know why he did it i’ll live my life with regret and guilt” Sal says facing away from you. “Sal, your healing is your own but even if you don’t know the reason it isn’t your fault. None of us could’ve guessed he was going to do it. If we had we would’ve done something. You know this better than anyone” You say getting up from the dinner table. “You don’t know that” He says softly, inaudible to you. “Sal, sweetie” You say and he interrupts you. “You weren’t there! You don’t know that!” He burst out on you. You stare shocked as his eye widens and face contorts into displeasure. “You weren’t even here” He says tears running down his cheeks. “Sal, i came here as soon as i could” You say staring at your shoes. “You left me. You left me and Larry.” He says crying by this point. “How could you just leave us?” He says sobbing sitting back down into his chair. “You left me. Me!” He says flipping his face towards you. “You don’t understand me” He pushes his face into his arms. He lets out sobs. “Sal” Your voice croaks as tears fall down your cheek. You wrap your arms around him and he begins to thrash. “Stop! Stop! You’re not him. You’re not him…” You let go immediately watching his figure thrash aggressively. “Sal please…I’m sorry” Sal continues to sob. “You weren’t here you weren’t here” You stare at sals trembling frame. “Leave! LEAVE” He yells at you. His face once again contorted with anger. Tears in your eyes you walk out.

Sal hasn’t spoken to you in months. You decided to not bother him. Maybe he was right? Why did you leave? If you stayed would Larry still be alive? Would you and Sal be happy together? Would you and Sal be falling in love even harder than before? All these questions. The nagged you. Made you want to rip your skin off. Made you want to plunge out your eyes. You decided to stay where you were studying. You began to rent an apartment. It was a studio. One bath. There wasn’t much to your room. A bed, TV, table, chairs, dresser, and cabinet. After your “break up” with Sal you thought on what he talked about. What if you figured out what happened to Larry? Would he come back to you? Will the boy who gave you reason to live, to breath, want you back? To the man who ran in your blood. Made you want to live take you back. Love you again?

“Hey Sal, I love you”

Sal looks at the note. It’s from a week ago. It reads about your day. About the cat you saw. The bagel you had, and the book you had just boughten. It had grown wrinkled with the tears decorating it. Sals face hunched over it. He loves you, he really does. He never stopped loving you. No matter how hard he tried to forget about you. The feeling in his heart grew empty and emptier with the time without you grew. He never would’ve said what he said. He doesn’t know why he said it. He knows it wasn’t your fault. He knew that. He just wanted someone to blame. It could’ve been anyone that day. But it just so happened to be the man he loved the most.

“You never deserved him” Sal heard from behind him. He turns and sees Ash. The last time he had seen her was Larry’s funeral. She cut her hair really short. “I know” He says voice raspy. “Your hairs long” He looks at the strands of hair covering his mask. He nods. “His last few months was him figuring what happened with Larry. His head was always in a book about suicide or depression affects on the brain. He probably grew suicidal with always reading about the effects.” Ash says. Sals guilt grows heavier. It’s like a 800 lb boulder on top of him. He loved you. He really did. He was scared, he was hurting, he was…a hypocrite. “You broke his heart”

Cause of death: Takotsubo cardiomyopathy

#male reader #x male reader #gay #angst #angst but not too much i’d say #sal fisher #sally face #sally face x reader #sal x male reader #sal x reader

[muchlov3ashley]

𝓐𝓵𝓵 𝓣𝓸𝓸 𝓦𝓮𝓵𝓵~ (𝓖𝓸𝓳𝓸’𝓼 𝓥𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓷)

Au! Actor!Gojo x Singer!R

______________________

Why has your Actor Costar!Gojo been such an asshole? What are his goals? You’re about to find out! ;)

Fluff! Smut! Angst! Fake-dating! Enemies to lovers!

Previous chapter

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𝓒𝓱2-Ivy

You hands trembled unlocking your apartment door. Unlocking your apartment. You thought in your head “Just ask him to come in and talk.” But with the alcohol in your system and letting your emotions get in the way. You swung the door open pushing him inside.

“Look Gojo, what’s your problem, why have you been such an asshole?” “Hmm?” You said in an alluring tone, stuttering a little. Pointing a finger in his face. “You’re rich, talented, and good looking.” He had a smirk rising on his face that was unsettling to you causing you to stutter a little. “But that doesn’t give you the privilege to just fuck with people because.. you’re bored.” “Some of us have goals to achieve, now you’re the one who needs to get his shit together!” You yelled in his face going to walk off, when all of a sudden he grabbed your wrist.

“Who said I didn’t have any goals, princess?” He was now holding you close, you stood close to him silent for a few seconds. Every now and then he would at your lips looking back at your eyes. Your senses came back. “Then what are they?.” You said. Pushing him off gently walking over to a couch. He came over sitting next you.

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He hesitated a little . But yours eyes had a familiar look, a comforting, trusting, assuring look. He sighed.

“Look when I was little my dad was having affairs, my mom genuinely loved him, somehow..”. “So when she found out she became depressed .. she got addicted to pills and champagne.”. “My dad hardly cared, he sent her away to a rehab center, I haven’t seen her since.” You had a pout on your face your brows furrowed at the thought that someone could do that. “I hate my that old hag, and I’m going to find my mom, and I’m going to surpass him in acting.”

You laughed with a tear of sadness rolling down your cheek. He scoffed thinking what in the world made him think he could talk to you? What made him feel so assured? Gojo got up from the couch. You quickly pulled his wrist sitting him down on the couch again. Put one hand on Gojo’s cheek. Caressing his face.

“You might just be truly incredible, Satoru.” You said with a warm smile plastered on your lips. “I’ll make sure from now on I’ll give this movie my best-, no a perfect performance.”. “I want to help you achieve your goal.”.

Gojo question what was the feeling, he was feeling like something fluttering in his stomach.? And the way you said his first name. It practically rolled of your tongue. He started looking back and forth from lips to your eyes. But just before anything happened, you heard someone unlock the door to the apartment. You pushed him on the floor, so you to were hidden behind the couch. You were on the floor on top of him. He had a smirk on his face, you hoped he couldn’t tell how hard you were blushing. “Slow down, princess” he teased. The door swung open. You put a hand over his mouth.

“Thank you Itadori.” Said Sarori. You leaned forward to Gojo ear, and whispered. “Shh, wouldn’t want to cockblock.” You tease. He rolled his eyes mad at the fact that they just cockblocked him and you. “You friend does have good intentions right?” You asked. “Mhm.” He muffled under your hand. You lifted your head up, and slowly removed your hand from his mouth. He used an elbow to sit up a little. He now leaned in to your ear whispering. “He’s the most well behaved out of all of us, and I might be the worst.” He said in a low teasing seductive tone. You felt your cheeks heating up.

“Goodnight yuji.” Said Sarori closing the door. Now she began to look for you she yelled out “Y/N!.” You got off of Gojo standing up giving him a hand. “You never told me your goal Y/N.” Said Gojo. “That’s a story for another day.” You answered.“Guess this is goodbye for us too.” He leaned in whispering. Your cheeks heated up once again. “Guess so..”. You answered. Walking him over to the door. “Goodnight Gojo.” “Satoru.” He corrected. “Goodnight Satoru.” You said. He leaned in to your ear. “We have an audience,” he looked towards the hallway in your apartment. You looked over to the apartment to see Sarori standing there “Goodnight princess.” Gojo said walking off. You close the door of the apartment

“So I wasn’t the only one who got close to a boy tonight?” Teased Sarori. “Noo- we just .. made up? We worked our issue out..” You answered. “With what a little makeup sex?” Teased Sarori with a wide smirk on her face. “Noo, plus that what make things awkward between us- he’s my Coworker.” You said. “But you would mind it right?” Asked Sarori. You just rolled your eyes walking towards your room.

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The weekend went by quickly and so did the week it was already Friday. There was awkwardness between you and Gojo. But other than that the acting had improved highly. The director gave you a task to write a song about the fake relationship that was going to happen between you and Gojo for publicity. It was the end of the day you were in your dressing room. Getting ready to go home.

Knock knock

“Come in.” You said. You saw that dreamy figure through the vanity mirror. “Oh hey Gojo.” You said with a smile on your face and a tint of blush from remembering how close you were to him over the weekend. He walked over taking a seat on the vanity table. You set your phone to at least try and face him.

He clicked his tongue.. “Told you to call me Satoru princess.” “Mkay but why do you call me princess?” You said looking away not being able to face. He put two fingers on your chin, moving your chin for you to look up at him and face him. Causing you to drop a pen off your vanity. “ honestly I don’t do it because I can, just do it because I want to. And of course I like those pretty expressions you make when I tease you.” He said with a smirk on his face. You felt your stomach fluttering “Your such a sadist.” You said rolling your eyes. Bending down to grab the pen.

Your skirt you wore today rode up a little. Gojo couldn’t stop himself from peaking. Looking at you like that left him speechless. When you got up facing him. He couldn’t face you, feeling ashamed for peaking. “So what can I help you with Satoru?” You said. “Uhh-Well we’re just gonna have a little get together, you might’ve heard of it?” He said. “Yeah I think Sarori mentioned something about a get together on a yacht.” You answered. “Yeah, you should come it’ll be fun.” He said getting up from the vanity. “I’ll get Itadori to send Sarori the information.” “See ya there Y/N.” He said leaving

You wondered the sudden rush in his words, but didn’t pay to much attention to it. Guess you’re going yachting now.

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Ch3 Preview- Yachting with Gojo is fun, but when any guy slightly tries to get close to you.. his blood boils? Wonder why? What are you to him?

AN- OKAY some parts might be a little corny. But bare with me 😜.. This chapter was so much fun to write! once again.! Smut next chapter .

Please Repost and @ me . Like and follow so I know you’re liking the series! Feedback Too! Very appreciated !

Love yall! 💋

Taglist || @sakui1 @sanriosatoru @gh0ulkz

#gojo satoru #gojo x reader #jjk smut #gojo x you #gojo angst #gojo smut #gojo fluff #gojou satoru x reader #gojo x y/n #jujutsu gojo #jjk satoru #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jjk gojo

[renspacesz]

WARNING: EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY, I do not condone.

Guys did you know there was a trans teen who planned to shoot up his school during the day of columbine's anniversary. The media said this person was columbine obsessed, and that got me thinking he would've had a tumblr account somewhere. I think all tcc followers have a tumblr account to find a place where they could talk to people about the crimes and the murderers. Also why wasn't this mentioned here, this news was everywhere and it came up on my youtube recommendation as well.

Other than that, there was also another school shooting happened just yesterday in Texas. Maybe eric and dylan was right about this.. the day of their attack carried a legacy, 25 years from now on. Gun violence without columbine involved is common, but columbine nearly doubled the effect of it leaving many dead just because the shooters wanted to be edgy. I know that's not the only case, people like them already had mental issues from the start, and the lean onto this case to find something to relate to, but sometimes things can get excessive quick and becomes a habit, so you get more desensitized and used to things like this. Then push them to the edge one more time, when they finally snaps, and write their manifesto. I'd say school shooters are a mix of suicidal-ness with some homicide urges. I don't think anyone would want to kill themselves or to face consequences if they only wanted to kill others. Suicide from the start and maybe their reasons came from hatred of humans (misanthropy), nihilism, detachment, depression, and it disturbs the mind.

People always say they don't know what happened to these guy and what makes them do such things. Well it's complicated and there's no simple answer, they all got their own reasons and motives. No simple answer also means no simple solution, it will take a while for people to get educated on such heavy and complex topic. It takes deep cognitive skills & empathy to understand the minds of others. No medication or therapy can truly fix homicidal problems, although they may reduce the urges.

I believe homicidal urges in human, is only nature. Some has better control over their anger and rage, which reduces the possibility of it turning into homicidal urges/thoughts. Depends on quality of life, when people are frustrated, have declining mental health, personality disorders, cognitive impairment, social-problems, etc, it can lead to troubles, and a small percentage accounts for killing people. You can't really stop them, sometimes they look normal on the outside, which is called masking. But if theres anything that tells you "there might be something wrong about this person", delving deeper into it could lead you to a useful conclusion.

#dylan columbine #eric and dylan #eric columbine #rebandvodka #tcc columbine #tcc fandom #tcc tumblr #columbine 1999 #tccblr #columbine massacre

[somerandomdere]

Yandere! actor x crew member! g/n reader

tags: fluff, slight? yandere themes (duh), you can tell I don't know much about how hollywood scandal works, it's my first fic pls feedback

Fame was everything to Gabriel, it's been his whole life. He was a nepo baby, he has seen the cameras the moment he was born. Blessed with a good face, filthy rich parents, and a flirtatious personality, he was everything ladies wanted in a man.

Until everything came crashing down.

He got into a huge scandal he wasn't even aware of. He was accused of sexually harassing a fellow co actress, when in fact he never laid a finger on her. Sure, he was a well known celebrity and has a history of sleeping around, but that doesn't mean he will force himself on someone without consent!

The scandal got so big he was defamed everywhere. His sponsors withdrew, his parents and friends wanted to cut ties with him, and his girlfriend cussed him out before leaving.

It wasn't him! But at this point, no one believed in him. He started being depressed, having suicidal thoughts, and contemplating on quitting his dream career.

Enter you. Beautiful, radiant you.

After a long day of carrying heavy sets and helping out around the set. You were exhausted, so you went out to breathe some fresh air and smoke. As you lit up your cigarette, the main actor of your current show, Gabriel, seemed to be crying. You wanted to smoke, but you couldn't just leave a crying man alone! and you did want some privacy while taking a puff

"Hey... you alright?" You genuinely asked.

You didn't know much about Gabriel's scandal, since you weren't very interested in the affairs of celebrities and thought that fans should just mind their own business.

And you were just here to make extra money, what's the worst that could happen? You'll be gone in no time anyways. He'll just quickly forget you.

"Hey um..." You started awkwardly, and cleared your throat. "I may not be the best person that can comfort, but you can talk to me. I'll listen."

You thought he would be suspicious of you, because of his celebrity status, but he ranted to you and cried. How he was misunderstood. How the people closest to him never believed in him. How he felt so hopeless after he lost everything.

You reached out to touch his hand. You let him know you understood. How painful this period of life will be and how it will all be fine after.

You told him to take a look around him. Look through a different scope, see the people who actually cares for him. You told him how your uncle never believed any of those rumors and took advantage of this to hire him.

He teared up, not from self pity this time, but from realisation. Maybe he should abandon those people who never saw his true self anyways. For the first time, he looked into your eyes. The sunlight danced over your eyes, it reminded him of the warmth his parents used to give him, before they got too busy.

Maybe that's when he fell for you. He couldn't really point out when he fell head over heels, but he can kinda figure he feelings sprouted here.

He came back, stronger than ever. His acting caused your uncle's movie grossing to skyrocket. It hit the box office, everyone was talking about his movie through social media, how he so accurately acted his role, to the point they shivered. He decided to take this opportunity to clear his name. Due to the how overwhelmingly successful his new movie was, people decided to believe him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Y/N! My name was cleared!" He squealed into the phone. You sincerely felt happy for him and offered to celebrate with him.

He wouldn't let this opportunity go without a waste! He immediately said yes. He wanted to see your beautiful face again, and finally ask you out.

He will finally be yours, and you will finally be his.

@hana-no-seiiki

@lovverletters

@moyazaika

@yxami

@mightypossibly

@suiana

My inspos on how to write fics (and my fav fic writers!) PLS PLS PLS PLS GIVE ME FEEDBACKKK

#male yandere #male yandere cafe #yandere actor #gn reader #yandere celebrity x gn reader #first post #idk what else to tag #i'm actually shaking

[taylorswiftstylequestions]

Sorry this ask turned into an essay — as I explain I have a personal connection to this topic and a lot of thoughts on it, ha

On the topic of Taylor’s discussion of Joe’s depression — I have never seen anyone claim that she has made fun of it, but I have seen some discussions from people who feel that she’s been unfair or insensitive with how she’s spoken about it, or that she broke up with him because he was “too depressed” and that she was blaming him for things he can’t control. Renegade has been used as an example of this, and more recently So Long London (specifically “you sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days).

I don’t want to speak for anyone but myself here or invalidate anyone’s feelings of hurt with how Taylor addresses these topics (because that is entirely fair to be hurt by if you interpret it in that way), but I will say this: as someone who has been on both sides of this equation (I have clinical depression that I’m in the process of getting medication for, and I’ve also had multiple relationships with people who were going through severe mental health struggles that I was trying to support them through), I don’t think that the way Taylor has referenced Joe’s depression affecting her in her music seems cruel to him. I’ve never gotten the impression that she is blaming him for struggling or that she expected him to just stop struggling and get better, or even that that’s the reason their relationship ended. I think there’s a lot of frustration in those songs, and while I understand why some may balk at that, it can be really frustrating at times to love someone who doesn’t love themselves, or who is pushing you away at every turn. It’s not their fault, and I don’t think Taylor is framing it as such, but that can make it even more frustrating when it feels like things are breaking down and there is nothing you can do to fix it.

And I feel like it’s kind of taboo to talk about those feelings because (in my experience at least) they’re wrapped up in so much guilt? I was in a relationship very similar to the one described in Renegade once, and I would get into this cycle where my partner would be struggling, I would try to help them, they would push me away and/or say things that would really hurt me, I would feel upset and hurt, but then feel so guilty for being upset and hurt because I knew they didn’t mean it the way it felt and that this wasn’t about me, so I would just keep those feelings to myself and say nothing, and it would start all over again. These aren’t pretty emotions at all, and I fully understand why some people are hurt by the way Taylor talks about them, but I think there’s a big difference between “I’m frustrated because my partner is struggling and I feel like I’m giving them everything I have but nothing ever changes and it’s hurting me” and “my partner is too depressed to deal with, why won’t they just get over it?”

I’ve had loved ones tell me tell me to just stop being depressed before — I know that hurt very well, and at least to me, this feels different. Honestly I really appreciate songs like Renegade and So Long London because hearing someone else talk about that experience has made me feel less like I was some uniquely horrible person incapable of being the perfect supporting partner that I should have been. I think it’s just a shitty, frustrating situation where no one is solely to blame, and I think that’s how Taylor presents it.

But again, this is just my opinion — I can totally see how and why people might interpret them differently and feel hurt by them, and I don’t want to speak over those feelings at all

Hi friend! First of all tysm for being so open and honest about your personal struggles with both yourself and past relationships - I'm grateful you feel you can be safe here talking about that. And secondly in your grace and empathy in understanding the many potential sticky layers of feeling here and how this might be ruffly and uncomfortable for people. I love that so much.

My interpretation has always very much been in alignment with yours. And I think if this album was seeking to do any one thing it was to wield honesty like a blunt force instrument - even and especially when the truth is uncomfortable and can be alienating. I've never once interpreted her documentation of a partner's mental health struggles as "get over it" (is there anyone who better understands how fucking hard it is to get over literally anything than Taylor?). But I feel the line that haunts me most is, "I gave you all my best me's / My endless empathy / And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier". And the uncomfortable truth is that it is so incredibly painful to be in love with someone who doesn't love themselves and who has proven (despite years of begging and pleading and patience and kindness) that they are not interested in becoming someone who can love you better. And it's unfair and shitty and horrible to have your "spine split from carrying [both of you] up the hill" for years. You feel sad for them. You feel sad for you. You feel sad that you feel sad. And then you feel mad that they are making you sad. And and and.

#tss ttpd party #opinion