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#am i the only person on the planet who gets scared by him (im not. eddie is scared of him too)
morskisir · 1 month
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realised i get the same fear looking at sniper's face that i do looking at rer2 mr x's face
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Saudade.
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Warnings: Distrust, being a hostage, mentions of death and murder, being knocked out yet again.
Part two.
Series Masterlist.
~☆~
Your hair had long since dried from your shower as you sat on "your" bed, thinking over everything that has led you to this moment.
You went from a small force user who was taken in by the Jedi and became a Padawan, to a Jedi Knight, to a newly appointed Jedi Master, to a person who went into hiding, then to a hostage for a Jedi killer.
A knock echoed from the doors to your room.
Weird, the Stormtroopers haven't knocked the past few times you saw them...
The doors opened and low and behold, there was a stormtrooper.
"Lord Vader has requested to see you, Ma'am." He stands at attention, looking forward, rather than looking at you.
A tingle went down your spine. This was it. This was how you die. "He does?"
The Stormtrooper nods his head ever so slightly. "Affirmative. He was very adamant. If you refuse, I will have to use force."
You listened to the slightly modulated voice before getting up from your bed. "There's no need...."
You walked over to the door, standing near the Stormtrooper so that he could lead the way. He grabs your bicep with the hand that's not holding his blaster, holding onto you so you don't run off.
He leads you down the hall where a few more Stormtroopers join your walk, marching behind the two of you.
To your surprise, you're not led to another room where you'll meet Darth Vader. You're led to big double doors that require a keycard and password so that they can open.
The stormtrooper you're with does what he needs, and the doors slowly open, revealing the hot atmosphere of Mustafar and the black rocks that sometimes have molten lava seep down them.
Your other arm is suddenly grabbed by another stormtrooper. They both pull you outside, their fingers digging into your arms from their firm grips. You were led away from the fortress that you had recently been forced to stay in. Now you stood in a plain open space. Black rocks covering the black ground.
They let go of your arms and immediately started walking away. "W- Hey!" You turned to face the Stormtroopers, ready to go after them, but a presence stopped you.
The presence is so familiar, making you giddy. Hopeful.
Only its more sinister. Dark
You slowly turn back around, your eyes darting around the terrain.
It felt like he was everywhere.
"You're scared." Another modulated voice speaks from behind you, but this one made it harder to understand the person's real voice.
You turn around yet again, facing him. He was big, standing almost seven feet tall. "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering."
"Still using the Jedi ways, I see." He noted, standing eerily still, his hands clasped behind his back.
"Excuse me?" You're confused, frustrated. He can tell. "Do I know you?" You meant to ask: 'Did I know you?'
He took a step, then another. His aura was so striking. You feel like you're drowning in his aura.
Maybe you could.
"What do you want?" You ask, your voice holding false confidence. "Why am I here? Are you going to kill me now?"
"If I wanted to kill you, I would have left you in that cellar to die." He told you. "I would have made sure you were left neglected and rotting in there. I wouldn't have given you your own chambers and some new clothing."
"Maybe you just want to lure me into a false sense of security?"
He stopped his steps, standing just about six feet away from you. "I get what I want. I don't wait for it. If I wanted you dead, you would be dead."
The two of you stared at each other, neither of you uttering a word. Knowing he was looking at you from underneath his helmet, but not being able to see his face made you uncomfortable, exposed. You knew he could see and feel everything about you, but you can't see or feel anything about him.
"I was on that backwater planet for business." He told you, breaking the silence as he talked about where you lived and were taken from. "Imagine my surprise when I found a Jedi."
He won't tell you that he felt your presence on that planet he marched around on foot until he wandered across your comfy little home.
Hope.
"And now what? You just hold on to me?" You question him some more.
"I do not have to explain myself to you."
"You do when it is my life!"
He stood idle, staring at you with his threatening gaze. You couldn't find a single weak spot within him. His walls were too high. Regret started to fill you, your body full of trepidation.
"You've never had your own life. I'm giving you one." He offers an outstretched hand, his leather gloves reminding you of an old friend of yours. "With me."
Your eyebrows furrow. With him?
"Join me, Y/N L/N."
A breath escapes you. "No." Your voice is firm. "I'm not joining you."
His outstretched hand balls into a fist. "You will."
Your vision grows spotty, darkness starting to grow in random spots. Your legs give out and you collapse to your knees.
"Ngh..." A strained noise escapes your lips before you went down completely, unconscious yet again.
Vaders modulated voice spoke to deaf ears.
"Do not fight me, Starshine."
~☆~
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Taglist: @songbirdcannabe @sonnensplitter @divxnee @anakinslvt @sweetcheesecakesblog @artemissunn @valsarchives @slut-4-ani @luvvfromme
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daybringersol · 7 months
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i think the reason that i love william wisp so much is that hes literally me when i was younger, like back when i was depressed, self-hating and refused to try cuz i was scared. i felt hollow, like there wasnt any personality left under that pain. at some point, the idea of getting better felt terrifying to me, cuz i didnt know what id find under all the pain and trauma, if there was even anything left under there.
// JRWI prime defenders S2 EP39 spoilers, tw for psychosis, derealisation and dissociation mentions
with this new era of william wisp, i wouldnt be surprised if I ended up relating to him even more. I think theres a lot of directions he could go towards, personality-wise, and even if he ends up not going the same route as me, i know that the idea itself of having to find yourself after so long spent hiding is gonna resonate with me no matter what.
another thing i find interesting is that i also got that moment when i realised that everything i wanted was at my fingertips, which was the catalyst for me eventually getting better. it was during my psychosis, this friend of mine (who i held in very high regards) ended up telling me off, i dont remember for what exactly (psychosis does funny things to your brain) but it was something related to me not trying to get better. they said something that triggered my derealisation, which of course, sent me into a derealisation/dissociation spiral for some months, and basically straight to rock bottom. of course, i wouldnt recommend that you do that for your friends who are going through similar stuff, im pretty sure i could have died multiple times back then, but in the end, its what pulled me through to where im at now.
i dont remember everything, but basically, the thought process was : nothing is real, its all made up in my head, so theres nothing stopping me from imagining a world where im happy and living in it. i wrote a poem about it, not my best work for obvious reasons, but theres still something to it i think. here :
I want to see tomorrow
I’ve been wishing my whole life for the strength to say "I'm doing great!" when someone ask me how I am
I've always had that strength
I can just say it
It's just 4 words
I
am
Doing
Great
Easy, see?
It doesn't matter if it's false
Or if the tone of my voice was off
Or if the way my eyes naturally met the ground as soon as you entered the room
It doesn't matter
So what, if I'm lying?
In a fraction of second, I might not be lying anymore
No
In a fraction of second, I won't be lying
I've been making planets and universes in my head since I could think
I never thought of making one where I was happy
Why should it matter if it's only in my head
My head is real, it's right there
And in the end, all the other stuff too was in my head
I can trust you
I can have friends
I can be myself
I can have my body back
I can be beautiful
Inside and out
I choose what is true and what is not
It doesn't matter if I'm lying to you
It doesn't matter if I'm lying to myself
In the end, we could be both only in my head
It wouldn't matter
So yeah
I want to see tomorrow
Even if it's raining and even if I don't even notice it's raining
I'll just close my eyes, and I'll have everything I've always wanted
so yea ! even if of course the superpower thing and coming back to life thing isnt very realistic, as a metaphor, williams story makes complete sense. i felt dead, back then. and i truly feel like a different person now.
and im looking forward to see where the story takes him in the future !
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kinnenvy · 8 months
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i am having thoughts about brian and his parents (jack joan debbie). it's messy and chaotic but i need to take it out of my brain and put it somewhere
Jack and Joan
There's like a pattern that he must go through with his birth parents, especially in season 1 it feels as if brian likes to present his relationship with his parents in one way, when it's actually very different.
He feels troubled by his own fatherhood, by Justin's relationship with his dad and the first thing he does is search for his own dad. he tells justin he never sees him, but then at the end of ep 1x09 michael talks about brian's visit and heartbreak over jack like it's something that happens routinely (and it does for sure, considering that it seems like jack is depending on him for money). "When will you ever learn?" NEVER! HE WILL NEVER LEARN!
until s2 ig. to me his relationship with joan is the most puzzling. he visits her, brings her flowers, but it doesn't feel like he ever tries to indulge her in the same way he did with jack. i wonder if that's because he didn't grow up being scared of her, so there's no instinct to get into her good graces...? im not qualified for this kind of analysis i dont think
they've both surely put him under intense distress, in different ways maybe, but it's distress nonetheless. living in that house must have been like being taken apart constantly, nowhere to hide, no comfort, only pain.
im not sure what the timeline is, but it's possible that the first time brian felt loved and wanted must have been THAT DAY in the showers after school. it could be also why he has that twisted perception of what happened. (or maybe it's just early 2000s writing who knows)
Debbie
she honestly makes me kinda mad. she saw a 14 y/o break in her liquor cabinet, get drunk and thought "this kid's kinda troublesome idk :/". i think making big speeches and saying pretty words she doesn't fully understand is very much part of her character (ben), but the way she does it with brian in relation to his parents is horrible to me.
(surely without knowing) she uses Brian's need for approval from his parents and convinces him to come out to his dad, what does that achieve? brian has to hear his father tell him he should die. brian has an important, vulnerable moment with her after his diagnosis and she shares it with joan without him asking or even wanting her to. what does that achieve? we remember what it achieves.
I think it's fair that she thinks about michael first and then everyone else, but i feel like she's softer on everyone else (david????) compared to brian. sure he kept their relationship vague enough to make him believe they could become a couple, but he isn't doing it to have a laugh, they're codependent. when brian is forced to break it off by debbie, she's happy to let brian take the fall on his own. she understands what he did, so instead of maybe idk helping him get at least Lindsay's support, she keeps her mouth shut, calls brian a good kid, gives him a pat on the back and is ready to send him his own way.
which brings me to the way she acts like she understands brian. it feels like the writers are telling us she understands him, but does she? idk. she picks up on things he does in secret one moment and then gets him totally wrong the next. she calls him a selfish asshole in front of everyone, but when it's just the two of them she suddenly has always known he's a good person. why is she never saying good things about him when everyone's around? why does it have to be just the two of them?
"Brian would hate it" "Brian would cringe himself to another planet" Sure but maybe Brian would also get home and maybe for once feel like the adult he imprinted on approves of him with no compromises :// idk
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Asks
@princess-paramour you sent me a bunch of asks (and said you were sorry cause it was all of them; i don’t believe you’re sorry btw 😂) but i somehow lost it so here they are
what song makes you feel better? We All Need Jesus by Danny Gokey ft Koryn Hawthorne
what’s your feel-good movie? Enola Holmes
what’s your favorite candle scent? Anything semisweet or semiearthy
what flower would you like to be given? Sweet William. They symbolize love, affection, passion, admiration, finesse, gallantry and heartbreak/lost love.
who do you feel most you around? My family (moms side), friends at church and my moots
say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical). I’ve heard a lot of girls say they like guys who are tall, dark and handsome. Well I’m a 5’7” African American who has gorgeous parents soo 😊. Nonphysical — I’m socially aware, I’m doing well in my relationship with Jesus and I’m accepting of people who are different from me 💜
what color brings you peace? Turquoise
tag someone (or multiple people) who make you feel good. @princess-paramour, @ell0ra-br3kk3r, @lucyandethel, @slyth3rin-princess, @mad-elia, @innerloverpainter, @illusiono, @steveharringtonlovesme, @hopefulmillennial, @george-weasleys-girl, @thebestieyoureinlovewith, @jahbutterflykisses331, @quickslvxr, @diorgirl444
what calms you down? Breathing
what’s something you’re excited for? Ima maybe see my aunt during Easter break ♥️
what’s your ideal date? Eating out, walking together, laughing together
how are you? I’m alive and blessed so I suppose i can’t complain
what’s your comfort food? Ice Cream Cake 🎂
favorite feel-good show? Family Reunion on Netflix
for every emoji you get, tag someone and describe them in one word. @princess-paramour you gotta give me some emojis first 😂
compliment the person who sent you this number. Kate you are absolutely marvelous. You’re kind, chill, funny, hot cute, flirty — everyone who knows you is blessed. Whether they know it or not
fairy lights or LED lights? Fairy Lights are just so much more magical
do you still love stuffed animals? Absolutely (i’ll send you a picture of Zsofia if you want)
most important thing in your life? Jesus, my friends/mutuals and my family.
what do you want most in the world right now? World Peace ✌🏿
if you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be?
what would you say to your future self? We can stay forever young.
favorite piece of clothing? Hoodies!! I know it’s a stereotype that boys love hoodies (and girls love to steal them) but i absolutely love my hoodies 🥰
what’s something you do to de-stress? Get on Tumblr, talk to you, pray, read et cetera
what’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.)
what movie would you want to live in? Enola Holmes
which character would you want to be? Tewkesbury ♥️. Like him I’m a lover rather than a fighter but I can still get tough if i — or even worse someone i love — am threatened
hugs or hand-holding? I heard on a survey that one thing girls wished their boyfriends/husbands would do more is hold their hand. I, however, am horrified to do so. I want to but i get scared out of my mind. Irl my like biggest fear in relationships is being to forward (which is absurd honestly cause i feel like everyone on the planet if more forward than me). But hugging is something i always have felt comfortable do. My… “ex” (in quotes cause technically we didn’t date and she technically she had a boyfriend but like… 🤷🏾) actually said she was obsessed and in love with my hugs so… ♥️
morning, afternoon or night? Afternoon for sure (only time im not sleepy)
what reminds you of home (doesn’t have to mean house… just things that remind you of the feeling of home)? Pictures of autumn; sweaters; deer; creeks; books
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2lim3rz · 1 year
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Hey, I have a small confession to make. So, before I jump into it, I’ve begun shifting to different realities just so I can check out the world, like wildlife, nature, architecture, and food, so keep that in mind. Ahh, recently I decided to look at the lore for Warhammer just because I like to make shit posts about it, as one does, and somehow I fell asleep, and I happen to wake up on a backwater planet that was not Earth. Anywhose, I awoke in a Back Alley during a parade/speech that the Emperor of Mankind was having to rally the people. Of course, I had no idea he was doing this and decided to search to see where I was and how I came about on this planet. I stumbled into the crowd of people, disoriented and disgruntled because the architecture was magnificent but odd, too large and Imposing, and I was scrambling for straws because this was not Earth, and these buildings were something that I was used to. It was as if a cathedral had sex with technology and had a child. My only goal was to get home but to do so, I had to know where I was, so I followed the people to what appeared to be the city square, and there he was. Huge, clad in gold and ever-shifting shape, was the fucking Emperor. Mind you, no one really paid attention to me because he held the rapt focus of the people, but apparently, I was not very discreet about my disorientation, and probably because I was decked out in jeans, hoodie, and hair tied up with a claw clip (she/they). You know, weird clothes that the human population no longer wears!!!! And a person leaned by and began asking questions in what appeared to be English, but was not our English, like it was old English speaking that was very rudimentary. I tried answering and tried asking my questions, but it was difficult. Mind you, I have not yet caught the attention of the custodes that were surrounding the Emps, or the Emps' attention, but I could see that they were searching for something in the crowd. I began to tune out the gentlemen because I never really thought that I would see the Emperor up close and personal, but here I was, and it was fucking terrifying. I was practically gawking at him because HOLY FUCK was he massive, and fucking bright to look at. I had no clue what I was staring at, but he appeared to be 14ft to 15ft, because based on my height (5ft,5in), I came about knee to mid-thigh on him, and he appeared to be as bright as the sun when I tried to at least look at his face. All I know was that he was a fucking beast, and I wanted to get the fuck out of there. The gentleman who was asking me questions was spewing off some gibberish, and all I had to go for me was this internal Dialogue. "If 2+2=4, and 4+4=8, what type of monstrosity was before me, claiming to be human? No human should be that fucking tall, covered in a shit load amount of gold, with a face I can't see because the force of a thousand suns was STARING AT ME. Wait....no... Staring at me." When I was in my little world, the fucking Emperor was able to spot me and had zoned in on my location; I was in the back of the fucking line, so a mortal man could not spot me as well as he did. I have begun to sweat bullets and shake because holy hell, I do not want to be here, and in front of this thing that parades around in Human Flesh. I try to turn around and fuck off, but I can't; it feels like I'm anchored to the spot, and then, I felt an intense headache coming on like someone is bludgeoning a hammer into my skull, and then I feel it, him, or whatever the fuck he was trying to play at. It felt like he was trying to force himself into my mind because it felt surrounded by a miasma of him. Me being me, I'm like "I think the fuck not, you disgraceful shit", and suddenly, I woke up. As of now, my head still hurts, and I am scared to go back to sleep. He probably heard all of my internal dialogue, and that was probably why he was able to locate me. You can believe me or not, but I am fucking terrified, and I honestly do not want to imagine him as a fucking mummy because I will die. I apologize if my grammar is way off.
Not to be That Guy but just like, go back to sleep man. You had a whacked out dream. I've had them before where I swore I saw the warp
Dreams are whack. Consciousness is whack. Neato
Hope you calm down and have better dreams
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fullsunstrawberry · 1 year
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hey girlllll
okay first- the chap was SO GOODDDDD and i’m so excited for your nct reactions and texts!
also your tattoo with your mom is so cute 🥰🥰 and the designs for your seventeen ones are adorable so i’m sure your nct dream ones will be super cute as well <333
i want to get a tattoo but let’s be so fr i’m so scared of needles 💀 kao (bf) has a bunch of tattoos and they’re so cute but i personally would never - your so brave for thiss
also mother in law apologized thankfully so so more problems there :)
my life has been pretty boring tbhhh i’m living with kao rn but he’s pretty busy with his med school things rn so i barely see him 😢
i really need friends 😭
BUT ITS NOT LIKE I DONT HAVE FRIENDS my two ride or dies (yes we are a trio but we’ve known eachother since 2nd grade and there has been 1 argument that lasted 30 mins 💀) are literally so far away 🥲 missing them 24/7 but we have our weekly group facetime soon so 😋🤞
ugh life has been so boring recently fr i need a hobby asap
i feel like i’ve lost all my interests because i’m high school i would lterally do math for fun and that’s the last thing i need to do rn 😭 like sure i did. volleyball but where in nyc am i going to okay volleyball like be so fr rnnn
WNYWAY HOW ARE YOUUUU????? TELL ME EVERYTHING 😜😜😜😜😜
i have an obsession with these emojis i find them so funny
also my niece/cousin idk but she’s so like… IDKKK- she’s middle school high school age but i feel like i’m just on a whole different planet bc she’s so into everything like i need to keep up frrr
ANYWAY
make sure to drink lots of water and eat lots of good foodss- i love youuu 😜💓💓💓💓❤️❤️❤️‼️‼️‼️
also congrats on your blog growth! you deserve it fr
I got a bunch of nct random texts that I'm gonna post soon 🤪 but I gotta make some enhypen ones too cause my master list is lookin a little biased 😅
ahh thank you! i gotta hurry and get more kpop tattoos because my mom has more than me (she has two bts tattoos and wants a txt one)
i was terrified of needles but i had to get a bunch of blood work done when i was younger, so i’m a pro now 😤😤
if my partner had and tattoos i would color them in with markers if they had black and white ones
life’s been pretty boring for me too that’s actually why i made this account cause i used to have a tumblr way back and post on it but it became too hectic with my schedule…so i deleted it. but now i’m not really doing anything i love how hectic i post!! it gives me something to do and look forward to
i’m also in a friend group of 3 💀 but mine is kinda rocky because the other two always fight and im in the middle sometimes… but i love both of them and one of them might read this 🤪🤪
i still have lunch with them every other day in school but one of them is going to a different school and im gonna make sure we don’t drift apart 😤😤
most of my hobbies involve technology lol…
i like to make random webpages and of course video games, mostly sims or acnh.
But i love scrapbooking and i know a lot of people do it online now but nothing beats cutting up pictures and gluing it to a cute notebook or having a pen pal and decorating my letters
also photocard trading is fun and helps keep me busy
i’m glad the mil apologized because no one wants bad blood in a new marriage!!
i love using emoji’s because i don’t wanna sound boring when i’m writing and i can only use “T^T” so much
SAME! my cousin is younger than me and she makes me feel so old even tho i’m young! but she talks about tiktokers and celebrities i have no clue who they are nd half of the words she says, i’m like what?
tysm!! i’m surprised on how well my blog is doing, I love how many people have reach out to talk to me! It means a lot 😩❣️
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don’t skip a meal!! 🥰🫶
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venusiangguk · 3 years
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gold rush pt. 3 | jjk (m)
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>>pairing: jungkook x reader
>>genre: pwp, v little plot, smut, kinda fluffy, college au (kinda), established relationship
>>word count: 9.9k um?
>>warnings: pegging!!!, butt stuff!!!, sexy anal!!!, sub jk, soft dom oc, crying why do i always make everyone cry, fingering (m), strap on, dildos, vibrators, sex toys, sex shop adventures, explicit sex, like so explicit this bitch is basically 10k, mutual masturbation, coming untouched, kisses, aftercare in the form of snacks, titty squeezing, dirty talk, excessive use of pet names, yoongi exists
>>notes: i wasn’t gonna write this bc ur girl does not know the first thing about pegging, but jk sucking the strap came to me in a dream and i had to do it. it was highly requested so i hope u like it! i wrote and poorly edited this whole thing today so im sorry for any mistakes !! 
>>summary: jk wants the strap, and jk gets what he wants !!
pt.1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3
The sun is shining, and there’s just the perfect amount of breeze to cool Jeongguk as sweat runs down his temple. The soccer pitch just got cut, making the ball much easier to control, and therefore much easier to aim at Jimin’s ass. It’s cool-down time, so the team is in groups of three, idly kicking the ball between each other, for the last few minutes of practice. All in all, a great day to talk about getting pegged with his best friends.
Jeongguk glances around the field, making sure the other groups are far enough away from him and his friends before clearing his throat. “So… do you guys like… get pegged?”
When Taehyung passes the ball to Jimin, Jimin completely misses it due to the fact that he is looking at Jeongguk like he is the most pitiful human on the planet. Jeongguk adjusts his shin guard to avoid the scrutiny.
“Gguk… honey… are you dumb?”
Taehyung’s jogging back after retrieving the ball that ran astray. “No, Mini. He’s straight.” He kicks the ball to Jeongguk. “If by ‘pegged’ you mean fucked in the ass by a real dick, then yeah. We do.”
Jeongguk receives the ball with a ‘rainbow’ and juggles it from his thigh to his laces, balancing the ball for a second before kicking it to Jimin. He nods, contemplative. “Nice.”
“Okay ace.” He passes to Taehyung, before throwing Jeongguk a teasing look. “You thinking about taking it up the ass, Gukkie?”
“Perhaps I’m contemplating.” He sniffs nose in the air.
Taehyung laughs. “Got your button milked once and now you wanna take a phallic shaped object? Proud of you.” He places his hand over his heart, like the mere thought of Jeongguk getting railed makes his heart warm.
A whistle blows, and Jeongguk kicks the ball up to his arm, tucking it into the curve of his trim waist. “Why does everyone call it a button? And it hasn’t only been once.” He sounds exasperated and so so tired.
His friends jog to bump shoulders with him as they make their way to the locker rooms. “Hey, jokes aside, I think it’s cool you’re like comfortable enough, or whatever, with __ to explore the things you like.” Taehyung says.
Jeongguk rolls his eyes. “Okay Dad.”
“No seriously!” Jimin insists, holding the locker room door open for them. Fuck the rest of the team. “She seems good for you. Babys you like you need.” Jimin laughs.
Jeongguk’s shirt gets caught on his head as he squawks. “I don’t just like being babied, fuck you.”
“Okay so she also entertains your sadistic side. She’s the full package.”
Jeongguk looks down with a blush. He shrugs his shoulders lightly before bending over to get out of his gear. “She’s pretty cool I guess.”
Taehyung knees him while he’s still bent over making him stumble a bit. “Awe, Jeonggukkie is in love.”
“Shut up.” Jeongguk smacks him in the face with his smelly sock.
“When you gonna do it?” Jimin asks, buttoning his new pants. 
Apparently they aren’t showering today. Jeongguk will just have to stop at his dorm before heading to yours to help you study. That reminds him that you have a test on Friday, but are free this weekend. He just so happens to be free as well. The team they were supposed to play had to forfeit because their coach got caught sleeping with one of the cheerleaders. Sucks, but good for Jeongguk and his little asshole.
“Maybe this weekend.” With their backpacks on, they start the trek back to the dorms. It’s nearing night now, the sun just starting to set in the sky. Jeongguk pulls out his phone to tell you he’s stopping by his place before heading to you. You reply quickly.
baby🥺💘😏🧠🙄👊🏻:
okie
wanna have sex instead of helping me study 
me:
yeah but im not gonna 
just think about how good the sex will be when u get an a 
baby🥺💘😏🧠🙄👊🏻:
🙄
When Jeongguk pockets his phone, Taehyung speaks up.
“You think she’ll be down?”
Jeongguk doesn’t hesitate. “Yeah, probably.”
Ever since the first time you made him cum untouched, butt stuff has been a moderately regular occurrence for you both as a long-term, healthy, pro-ass eating couple. Honestly it was mostly him getting his butt played with, but he supposed it made sense. Like Jimin explained to his once naïve self, it was just biological- or something. Whatever. He wonders if three fingers will be enough to fit a fake dick in his ass. He asks his friends.
“Eh…” Jimin starts, looking up like he’s thinking. “Maybe, but you might wanna try to get to four, maybe five if you're using hers, since she’s tiny.”
Jeongguk’s mouth falls open and he pales. Taehyung notices and laughs.
“Don’t get scared. It’s just better to over-prep than under-prep. And like obviously you work up to it, she’s not just gonna shove her fist or her cock up your ass.”
Her cock. A little tingle settles in Jeongguk’s lower belly at the statement. He’s been thinking about this for a while, looking at porn in his free time. Seeing the way the guys moan on their girls’ strap always gets him hard. Seeing how hard their cocks get when the toy hits them just right. He throbs when he sees the guys cum just from the strap, no hands. Maybe he should fuck you when he gets to your dorm instead of helping you study. His cock is feeling a little plump.
“Alright well… Bye, thanks for being gay and answering my anal questions!”
As he’s pressing the button to his elevator, they lived on opposite sides of the athlete dorm and there were different elevators for each of the wings, Jimin chirps, “Don’t forget to empty your asshole really well, and don’t eat the day of! Also buy extra lube and put a spare blanket down!”
Jeongguk winces. Valuable information indeed, information he mentally pockets, but did he need to yell it in the dorm common room?
“Noted!” He yells back at the elevator dings and opens up. Jeongguk pretends like he doesn’t meet the curious, kind of confused gaze of one of his teammates. He must have walked in while Jimin was yelling and only caught the end of the conversation while waiting for the same elevator. Jeongguk gets in and immediately closes the doors. He can catch the next lift.
~~~
Jeongguk’s got his head in your lap and you’re running your fingers through his long, silky hair. He showered today, so waves of his aromatherapy lavender shampoo are wafting up to you. Sweet boy. He seems sidetracked, occasionally sighing and subtly twisting, but is still more or less purring on your thigh, feet tucked up onto the cushion of the couch. Netflix is on the small tv that was left by the last person who lived there, you’re mac book connected via HDMI. You’re not really paying attention. Mind kind of tired from all the studying you had done this week. Jeongguk fidgets a tiny bit again, wiggling like he’s trying to get comfortable. He huffs a sigh.
“Hey,” You say softly, getting his attention.
His body curves at the waist, causing his t-shirt to bunch up and show off the dip of his hip bone. He looks up at you with wide eyes. He seems surprisingly awake. Must have some busy little bees buzzing around his mind. He makes a little questioning noise.
“You okay? You’re kinda fussy.” You murmur.
He groans. “I-  am just thinking.”
“About?” You drag the word out in a singsong-y manner.
The way Jeongguk’s face flushes is so pretty, you have to stop yourself from cooing. 
He moves himself from your lap and sits facing you. He looks like he's thinking about what to say, or how to say what he’s thinking so hard about. 
Eloquently he states, “I’m horny.”
You glance at his cock. Not quite hard, but a little happy and excited. You chuckle, leaning towards him, giving him a playfully sexy look. “Okay, let’s fuck baby.”
Jeongguk blushes even more, cheeks tinted red, while he leans away from you.
You pout. “What?”
Again he pauses, a small pout on his lips. He seems to be in a soft, needy, difficult mood. You’re probably going to have to pry what he wants to say out of his mouth.
With another uncalled for exasperated huff, Jeongguk rolls his eyes and moves closer to you before catching you by surprise and swinging a leg over your lap. He’s facing you while he straddles your thighs. His arms are looped around your neck, he’s playing with a little bit of your hair, twirling the long length around his fingers. You smile up at him, gently. Your palms squeeze at his narrow hips encouragingly.
“I want to try something new…” He says. He sounds nervous and looks at you the same.
“Mhmm.” You say, fighting a smile. 
“Really bad. Like I want it really bad.” His hips roll, probably unconsciously from the way he closes his eyes to ground himself. 
You peek at his lap, and his cock is bulging, the fabric of his sweatpants doing nothing to help hide it. You bring your hand to it, and massage him through his pants.
He whines and pushes against your palm before a hand comes down and grabs your wrist, stopping the movement. “Quit it, I’m trying to talk.” He’s so petulant and whiny.
You move your hand away and place it back on his hip, giggling a little. “Well spit it out, then.”
He scowls. You reach up and smooth the wrinkle in his brow before trailing it down and cupping his cheek. He softens immediately, melts like butter in your hands. His eyes close and he lets out a soft sigh, body relaxing a little.
He’s whispering, kinda giggling out of embarrassment, when he says, “I want you to fuck me.” He pauses, peeking at you through his lashes. “Like for real.”
Almost instantly a little spark ignites in your belly, and you feel your pussy get that telltale heartbeat. You didn’t want to push Jeongguk into anything, but you’ve been thinking about taking the ‘next step’ with your… ass-plorations for some time. But you figured he would get to the same point on his own, and would come to you when he was ready. Turns out you know him as well as you thought you did.
“Yeah?” You rub your free hand up his side. 
He nods quickly, eagerly. You pinch his cheek lightly, and he retaliates by trying to bite at it. To avoid the attack it finds his way back to his waist.
“When did you want to? Tonight?”
He wiggles impossibly closer to you. Kisses you quick before nodding again. “Yeah. I um. I already like prepped… mostly. I prepped what I could by myself.” He pauses with a cute thinking face. “You will probably have to help me a little. But yeah. I got ready for you just in case.” He nods.
You hum, glancing at the old clock on the wall, another gift from the prior tenant. 11:52 pm. 
“If we hurry, we can make it to a sex shop? They don’t usually close until 2 or 3 in the morning.” You suggest.
Jeongguk bites his lip, smiling excitedly. “Really? Can we?”
You roll your eyes playfully. “Yeah, duh.” You lean up and give him a speedy, but thorough kiss, smiling into it. “Been wanting to peg you for so long.” 
His face scrunches endearingly. “Don’t call it that.”
He hops off your lap, and goes to grab the keys, wasting no time. He stands by the door expectantly. His cock is, extremely obviously, sticking out. Someone didn’t wear his briefs today.
“Can you like… kill that?” You’re laughing as you tug on some sweats of your own, having only been lounging in your panties and one of his shirts. Your usual at home attire.
He looks down, and has a smug grin on his face when he looks at you again. “It’ll go down in the car. Hurry up!”
~~~
A dildo looks so much bigger when one is looking at it knowing that it will be inside of them within the next few hours. And there are so many options and colors. Some vibrate, some have fake pubic hair on them. Some have balls that are squishy and feel eerily… accurate.
Jeongguk isn’t having second thoughts, no. But he is having thoughts. Very overwhelming thoughts. 
You’re next to your boyfriend, glancing between him and the varying selection of fake cocks displayed in front of you both, trying to gauge his reaction. He looks a little pale, but tentatively excited. Curious at the very least.
“Which one do you want?” You ask.
“No idea.” He responds, eyes wide.
Like most store clerks, one shows up, almost like they have a built in ‘customer needs help and has no idea which dildo to get to peg her super hot boyfriend’ radar. 
“You guys need help?” He is a small man, with a monotone voice. He looks like he would rather be anywhere else at 12:30am on a Saturday night. 
“NO!” Jeongguk says quickly and loudly. Very loudly.
Both you and the store clerk flinch, looking at him shocked.
Jeongguk shifts on his feet. “No.” He says in a more socially acceptable tone. “No- I’m sorry. But we’re uh-” He grabs your arm and pulls you closer. “We’re good, thanks.”
The clerk looks between you and Jeongguk and the dildos. “Um… Alright.” He starts to walk away before he turns back around. “Well if you change your mind, I’m Yoongi and I’ll be at the counter. If your toy is electric I’ll test it in the back before you leave… We uh- provide batteries with your purchase if needed…” With one last glance, a very judgmental one in Jeongguk’s opinion, Yoongi takes his place at said counter. His eyes flicker to you guys every once in a while.
“Baby,” You grab Jeongguk’s face between your palms and make him look at you. You squeeze and his lips poke out making him look like a guppy. He blinks. “I know you’re nervous, but it’s going to be okay.”
He rolls his eyes, guppy face and all. “Well obviously. I just- We don’t need help.” He wiggles out of your grip, much like a… guppy.
You grin, trying not to laugh, and just be the supportive girlfriend you are. “Okay, did you decide which one you want?”
A side glance. “Not yet…”
You walk up and go to grab a pink sparkly one.
“Uh, not that one.”
You quirk an eyebrow and move your hand to a larger one.
“No.”
You play a little game of dildo hot or cold until you have a better idea of what Jeongguk wants. His preference seems to be skin tone, close to his own, with a more realistic feel. Normal balls though, not squishy. Also no faux hair. You thank him for that. If you actually had a penis it would surely be waxed. Bless Jeongguk for doing the same. As for size, he leaned more towards a very normal, moderate size. Maybe 5 or 6 inches at most, not too thick. Smaller than himself. One last option.
“Do you want it to vibrate?” You ask, holding one in your hand testing the numerous different settings.
He shakes his head, answering quick. “No.”
He pauses.
“Wait.” He thinks. “Maybe. Should we? You could use it too?” 
Sweet, kind, considerate angel. Always thinking about you and your pleasure. Couples who share the strap last the longest.
You shrug, pointing out, “I could use one that doesn’t vibrate too.”
He looks offended and sounds snotty. “Uh, you don’t need to.”
“Whatever. Why don’t we get both?”
You had a point. He pretends to ponder it, before nodding, already persuaded. “Okay.” 
“We need the harness now.”
You begin the harness hunt, walking through the store, coming across many a things, but for some reason you both keep missing them. They’re nowhere to be found. 
“Maybe they’re sold out?” He tries.
“Doubt it. Let’s go ask.” You grab him by his pinky and try to drag him to the counter. He resists. 
“Let’s not.”
“Koo.” You say giving him a look.
He whines, throwing his head back. Borderline throwing a fit. You hold your ground, smiling.
He’s easy to give in. Being a brat just on principle. “Fine but you’re talking.”
You stand on your tiptoes and kiss his cheek. “Of course, baby.” With his pinky in hand, you make your way to the counter.
The store clerk, Yoongi, if you remember correctly, is sitting behind the counter hunched over smiling at his phone. He doesn’t seem to notice you’re there.
You clear your throat gently, “Excuse me?”
Yoongi jumps, almost throwing his phone. “Fuck!” He exclaims. His fists come up ready to fight before he sees it’s you and Jeongguk. He then places his hand over his heart. “Shit, you scared me.” He chuckles, recovering quickly. “How can I help you?”
You stare at him for a moment longer before speaking up. “Um yeah, I was just wondering where your harnesses are?”
He leans on the counter, head in his hand looking kinda bored. “Hanresses? What kind? Hanging harness? Body harness?”
You glance at Jeongguk and he looks like he’s going to die.
“The um- strap on harnesses?” Your voice goes to a whisper when you say it, despite it just being you guys in the store.
Yoongi sits up, and looks at you, and then looks at Jeongguk. A look of understanding comes over his face along with an amused smile. He nods to himself, while getting up to help you. “Nice. Follow me.”
Jeongguk gapes at the ‘nice’ and looks at you in disbelief. You pat his butt telling him to get going. 
With some help from Yoongi you pick out a harness that looks supportive and comfortable, the ring that holds the dildo, compatible with both the ones that you plan on getting. It’s a simple adjustable black one. Yoongi recommended wearing something under it if the straps dig into you and irritate. He seems bored, but he’s actually very good at his job, and very knowledgeable.  
Finally you’re at the counter. You place all the items in Yoongi’s reach and he’s just about to tell you the total when Jeongguk perks up.
“Wait!” He says before scurrying off.
It’s quiet for a split second. Before the clerk speaks up.
“He’s cute.”
You smile, “Thanks, he’s mine.”
Yoongi laughs, small little fish teeth and gums on display. Must be a Pisces. You know Pisces teeth. “Does he have any cute friends?”
You nod. “Yeah, but they are dating.”
He shrugs. “Don’t care.”
“Uh… I can give you their Instagrams?”
He pulls out his phone, and follows them right there after a quick glance at their pages. Confidence is nice.
There’s a short lull in the conversation. And Jeongguk seems to be taking his sweet time getting something you guys must have forgotten. Or the poor things lost. It’s a big store. You speak up this time.
“Do you have like a manager I could leave a review for? You were really helpful, and seemed like you really knew what you were talking about.”
He shakes his head. “Nah, I own the place. You think I would be here on a Saturday night if it wasn’t obligatory? Thanks, though.”
“Oh.” You say. That was pretty impressive. The store was quite successful based on the reviews. You would make sure to let Jimin and Taehyung know Yoongi was a business man.
“Okay, I’m back.” Jeongguk announces. “Sorry I forgot where it was.”
He places 2 (two) large bottles of lube on the counter. You cough out a laugh.
“Baby, we have lube at home.”
“But do we have enough?”
“I think maybe one more would be more than enough.”
He ignores you, looking Yoongi in the eyes for the first time tonight. “Add both please.”
Yoongi nods, looking a little scared of Jeongguk’s seriousness, and does as he’s ordered.
After Jeongguk pays, and you both are making your way to the exit, Yoongi calls out, “Good luck, tell your friends to follow me back!”
“Uh- Okay?” Jeongguk yells back. When you’re in the parking lot, he asks, “What the heck was that about?”
You shake your head, laughing to yourself. “Don’t worry about it.”
~~~
As soon as you get back to your dorm, the atmosphere is thick, full of tension and nervous anticipation. Jeongguk’s fidgety, eager to get started. You’re not far off, but contain yourself a little more. Need to keep control of the situation in case Jeongguk gets deep into his mood.
You guys are in the bathroom now, each one washing a toy before you use it. You make sure to unwrap the harness and the lube as well, both at Jeongguk’s insistent request, ensuring you don’t have to stop and deal with it later. 
“Let’s just get undressed in here, it’s where my hamper is.” You say already tugging your shirt over your head, tits bouncing freely. Jeongguk went without briefs today, and you went without a bra.
Jeongguk quietly follows suit, and you don’t miss the way his hands are trembling a little in anticipation. When you’re both naked he kisses you quickly, and jiggles your boobs a little just because they are there and because he can, before saying, “Okay, lets go.” He’s out the bathroom before you can even respond. You laugh to yourself and gather the stuff he forgot in his excitement.
When you walk out with your hands full, you see Jeongguk spreading out a blanket over your comforter.
“Whatcha doin?” You ask curiously, placing the items on the nightstand.
“Gets messy. Wanna save your bedding.” He states.
You squawk, grabbing the blanket he set up on your bed. “Not my baby blanket you monster.”
He laughs, abs tensing. You notice he’s already hanging a little heavy between his thighs. “Sorry. Was the first one I saw.” He walks over to the couch and replaces the blanket that’s hanging over the back with your baby blanket and resets up. “Better?” he asks, extended his arm towards your bed to show off his work.
You nod, and take the few steps needed to close the space between you both. Your hand runs down his belly, and you feel his muscles jump, and you see little goosebumps sprout all over. His hands come up to cup your tits. You kiss softly where his heart is. You look up at him.
“I love you.” You smile.
He blushes. “Love you.” He whispers, before he leans down and slots your lips together.
It’s eager from the start. Your bodies press together, as your hands roam. When he takes a breath and surges back in, your teeth click together is his haste, before his tongue slips into your mouth. He groans into you, his hand going down to cup your ass, squeezing and pulling you impossibly closer. 
You feel his cock against your belly, almost fully hard already. You reach down to wrap a hand around him, wanting to help him get there before you get started. He hisses, thrusting forward instinctively before pulling away. He looks like he hates that he does.
“No- I,” He’s already short of breath, chest rising and falling a little bit faster than normal. “I wanna watch you cum. With the toy.” He reaches around you, grabbing the vibrating dildo. “Please?” He asks. His eyes are fervent.
You take the toy in your hand, and kiss him again softly. “Yeah, baby. Whatever you. It’s all about you tonight.”
He shakes his head. “Always about you too.” 
Your heart beats, happy in your chest. You thought about it earlier in the night, but Jeongguk really was the best lover. He always, always made sure you were taken care of, before, during, and after sex. He was so vocal and communicative, genuinely wanting you to know it was always about both of you, even if one was receiving more attention. He was caring like that in and out of the bedroom. You were so lucky to be his.
“You’re too good to me,” You laugh, climbing onto the bed. You settle back against your pillows, propping some behind you so you can see him, and watch him while you get off. He takes his place in front of you, looking at you expectantly.
He’s impatient, placing his hands on your knees, spreading you open so he can see your cunt. You let him get you into position before saying, “Keep your hands to yourself now, okay?”
He nods, eyes never leaving your pussy. He licks his lips. “Okay.” It’s said in a distracted kind of far away tone.
You hum as you bring the toy to your mouth, getting it wet. You wouldn’t need any lube, you would be dripping in no time. You don’t waste any time putting your free hand down between your legs and spreading your pussy lips, so your clit and the pretty pink center of your cunt are displayed for Jeongguk. You glance at him through your lashes, when you hear a small gasp fall from his lips. He’s already got a hand around himself. Just the tips of his fingers stroking his length, at a leisurely pace. 
“She’s so pretty… You’re so pretty.” His eye flick to your face before zeroing in on your center again.
“Tell me how to do it baby. Tell me what you want to see.” You say, voice salacious and soft. You circle your finger slowly around your nub, dipping inside just a bit to spread your slick around.
When he swallows, it’s audible, his Adam's apple jumping. “I want you to turn it on low, and put it on your clit. I want you to feel good.”
You smile, and drag the tip of it down your body to just above your clit, turning it on the lowest setting before making contact with your sensitive nub. Your legs jolt, almost closing when you feel the vibrations. Even the lowest setting was strong. Your head falls back, and your legs spread more for him once you get used to the strength of the toy. “Fuck…” You breathe.
“Does it feel good?” He asks, greedy for your pleasure.
You nod, eyes still closed, focusing. You move the vibrator in small circles over your clit. You can hear Jeongguk’s breaths speed up.
“Turn it up.” His voice gives away that he’s speeded up his hand on his cock too.
You do as he says, looking at him as you do. He’s sin personified. He’s on his knees, sitting back on his feet, so his thighs are flexed and bulging. His abs tense when his palm twists under the crown of his cock. His eyes almost look black, pupils blown so wide, lust taking over his face. He’s got his plump bottom lip drawn between his teeth. He looks up from your pussy and catches you staring. He smiles shyly.
You keep your eyes on him as you bring the toy back down to your core. A short high pitched moan falls from your lips, as your brows knit together, before your eyes roll back. He groans, your expression enough to make his cock start to leak.
“Feels so good, Jeongguk.” You moan. The vibrator is right where it feels best, pulsing against your clit, causing pleasure to bleed into your veins. 
“Yeah, baby?” He asks, he’s breathless, sounds like he’s in love. With you, your cunt. “Tell me.”
“‘S just right Koo, could make me cum just like this…” 
He curses, and you open your eyes just in time to see him grip the base of his cock, keeping himself in check. “Not yet, baby. Little longer, please.” Still so polite and good for you, even when he’s the one telling you what to do.
He has you keep the vibe there, for a while longer, right in the spot that’s gonna make you lose it. He watches as a tiny clear drop leaks from you pink little pussy. It looks like it’s heavy and about to drip down to the blanket under you. He doesn’t notice your legs shaking until you’re gasping, “Koo, I’m almost- I’m gonna-”
“No!” He says quickly, his hand reaches out to pull the vibrator from your cunt just before you get your high. Your pussy aches and throbs, wanting to cum so bad. 
Your chest is heaving when you ask, “Are… are you edging me?”
He shakes his head, even though your eyes are closed, trying to catch your breath. “No, no! I just. I got distracted.” He looks at that small drop of slick again. Fuck, he wants to lick it up and drink you down. “You’re leaking.” He states.
You laugh, breathing getting back to normal. “Yeah?” You reach your hand down to collect the distracting little droplet and bring it in front of you. You press the sticky finger to your thumb and then pull them apart to see the clear strings stay connected even as you pull. You hum, before offering your hand to Jeongguk. He sucks in a breath.
“Want some?” 
He’s quick as he crawls between you legs, cock fully hard now. He watches you as he sucks your fingers into his mouth, tongue swirling around getting every last bit, before he sucks off with a pop!
He crawls farther up your body to kiss you deep, wanting you to get a taste of yourself too. He pulls back just a bit, and whispers against your lips, “I want you to fuck yourself with it, okay? Just for a little bit, then you can cum?” He’s phrasing it as a question, knowing he really doesn't have the final say, not tonight. But his voice is shaking from how turned on he is, how could you ever say no?
“Sit back.” Is all you respond. He does as he’s told.
You buzz the toy over your clit again, just because you can. Wanting to see how long Jeongguk can be good before begging. Turns out it’s not long at all. 
“Put it in…” He moans. You look at him and his mouth is parted, and his eyes heavy as he watches you. His hand is moving fast over his cock, sticking straight up to his tummy. “Please.”
You drag the toy down to your slit, and tease it there before just barely pushing it in just a fraction of the length. Jeongguk whines, high and desperate. Apparently you’re moving to slow for him.
“More,” He begs. 
You sigh, “You’re so needy tonight, baby.” He nods, agreeable.
When the toy sinks inside of you all the way to the hilt, you and Jeongguk both moan a quiet, “Fuck.” simultaneously. You’re coherent enough to laugh a little at the jinx, but he seems to barely notice, too focused on watching the toy sink into you, and then come back out to vibrate your clit again. You keep up this teasing pattern, again waiting to be told what to do by him, waiting to see how long he makes it this time.
“Harder, do it harder,” He’s panting. Moaning every word that leaves his lips.
You do as he says, and finally push the toy in at a pace that gets you climbing to being close again. You won’t be able to come like this though, and he knows that. Knows that you can only cum from penetration with him. He leans over and grabs the other toy from the end table, spitting on it and spreading it around until it's covered well.
“Use them both, want you to cum for me.”
With two toys in your hands, one in your cunt, filling you up, and one on your clit, making your legs shake, you do your best to make yourself cum. But it’s not enough. A soft whine falls from your lips, you’re so close, but you need more. More than you can give yourself.
“Faster baby, faster. You’re so close.” He whispers. He got both hands working now too, one stroking and one down tugging on his balls. 
You whimper, “I can’t my arm hurts. It’s tired.”
Immediately he stops pleasing himself and gets right to pleasing you. Your pleasure taking priority. “Shh, don’t worry, I’ll help you baby.”
Jeongguk sits between your legs, and takes over the toy fucking into you, and turns up the one on your clit. With him pushing the toy in at a pace that you couldn’t do yourself, and the other toy vibing your clit incessantly, it takes barely any time at all for you to cum. You were so close already, just needed him to push you over. 
Your legs are shaking and your toes are curling, when you cry out, “Baby, I’m gonna cum.”
“Do it, baby. Wanna watch.” He’s quiet, paying close attention to your body and the reactions he’s helping pull from it. He’s part of the reason why your face looks so pornographic as you finish. He’s part of the reason why your back is arching off of the bed. He’s part of the reason why your toes are curling, and why your legs are shaking, and why your pussy is contracting over the toy he’s still thrusting inside of you, working you through every last second of your orgasm. He reads your body cues, and slows down and pulls it out when you start to come down. You look blissed out, and you bring a hand to your hair and fluff it a little before laughing.
“That was good.” You sigh smiling, and when you look at him an image forms in your head, and you have every intention of making him carry it out.
Right before your eyes, Jeongguk wraps his lips around the toy that is going to be inside of him in just a short while, sucking off your slick. He laps his tongue around it trying to get it all. He’s obscene. 
“Gimme,” You say sitting up with an extended hand. 
He pouts at being interrupted, but does as he’s told. He takes your spot on the bed, and you head to the bathroom, stopping by your dresser on the way.
When you get to the bathroom, you close the door and get to cleaning the toys once again. After, you get to the stuff you grabbed from the wardrobe. A lacy pair of black panties, and sheer black thigh highs with matching lace adorning the tops. You slip into them, and then move on to the strap on. You hold it in front of you and try to make sense of which part goes where, and which holes your legs go into. It takes a second, but you get into it, adjusting it so it's nice and snug. Your outfit probably won’t help much with protecting your thighs, but at least the little part above your pussy will be safe. You look at yourself in the mirror. Not too weird or scary yet. You glance at the dildo on the counter.
It’s not too big so hopefully it’s not too… jarring when you see yourself with it. You get to work, slipping the suction base of the non-vibrating toy into the ring that’s meant to hold it in place. You look at it sticking out from your crotch and take a deep breath before turning to the mirror.
You gasp, before cackling quietly. You knew it was going to be weird. Like you knew. But actually seeing yourself with the whole get up is funny. Right now at least. You know it’s going to be sexy, once you get used to it and into the moment and inside of Jeongguk. You wonder how he’s going to react. Only one way to find out.
While you're walking to your bedroom from the bathroom, the dildo bobs, and you're giggling distractedly until you lift your eyes to let your boyfriend know you're ready. Again you’re met with a scene so indecent it belongs in a porno.
Jeongguk’s eyes are closed and soft moans are falling from his lips as he strokes his cock. He’s got three fingers in his ass, opening himself up for you, for your cock. Such a good good boy. He was so patient and productive while you got ready for him.
“You’re so good baby,” You murmur softly.
Jeongguk blinks his eyes open slowly, and rolls his head to the side to look at you. He doesn’t even falter in his movements at all, hand still moving, fingers still thrusting. He smiles a little when he sees you, but his eyes are hazy and he sounds lust drunk when he simply says, “You look sexy.”
You blush and a fond smile graces your lips, any embarrassment or self consciousness you were feeling prior to seeing him spread out for you on your bed, quickly vanishing.
You settle on the bed between his legs and watch for a moment as his hole takes his long fingers in. “Want me to help?” You ask quietly.
“Mhmm,” He nods, eyes closed still, tongue peeking out from between his lips. He doesn’t take his fingers out, though.
You grab the lube next to him, and flip it open. “You gonna get out so I can get in?” 
He shakes his head. “Nuh uh. Put one in with mine.”
Something about that makes your body tingle. Inside of him with him. Opening him up. You can’t explain it, because you don’t really even get it yourself, but it makes you buzz and feel almost high.
You slick up your middle finger, and drizzle some more on his for good measure. He jumps slightly, and then giggles softly.
“Cold.” He says.
“Sorry,” You say distractedly. Your finger is lined up with his now.
“I’ve never done 4 before so you… have to go slow…” He pauses as he speaks, letting himself moan freely when his fingers graze over that secret spot that he’s grown to love so much.
“Tell me to stop if you need to.”
He doesn’t reply, just stops his fingers so you can wiggle yours in next to his. At the first push against his hole, there’s resistance. Very much expected. He’s quiet, teeth gritted, but he never says stop, knowing his body wants it, and knowing it will accommodate what he wants. After the second knuckle, your finger sinks in, almost gets sucked in, by his hole.
He lets out a shaky breath.
“You okay, baby?” You check in.
“Yeah just… full.” He moans when you wiggle your finger experimentally. “”S good. Move it some more.”
You do, and his start to move with yours. You can feel his fingers curl inside of himself to reach his prostate, and it’s pleasant in an out of body way, knowing when his face is going to contort in pleasure, and when he’s going to cry out, when you never really knew before. You’ve milked him before, of course, but feeling him do it to himself from the inside? It’s kind of thrilling.
“Pull, stretch me out.” He moans, voice impatient and needy.
He gets kinda slutty when something’s up his ass.
He swears when you do, his finger rubbing insistent circles on his prostate to distract himself from the minor sting of the stretch. His moans, start to raise in pitch and his hand that’s on his cock, still jerking it, starts to speed up. You can tell he’s close. He clenches against your finger that’s still stretching him open.
“Fuck,” He says, on a breathless giggle, “Take them out. Or I’m gonna cum.” He’s still stroking his cock, like he doesn’t wanna stop.
“You c-” 
“No. Out.” He demands, hand finally pulling away from his cock, and his fingers inside stop. You gently ease out of him.
When Jeongguk’s fingers slip out, you gasp. His little pink hole is clenching on nothing, still open just the tiniest bit, thoroughly stretched.
“You know how you always say my pussy is pretty?” You ask, fingers tracing around the puffy stretched rim.
He makes an affirmative noise, watching you with hooded, lazy eyes as you touch him. He even spreads farther so you can touch and see better. You marvel at the difference between the embarrassed boy you made cum untouched a couple months ago, and the one in front of you now, so comfortable and relaxed. It makes you happy.
“Well, your butthole is pretty.”
He snorts, and kicks you lightly. He smiles at you, soft and sluggish. “Just fuck me.” 
He sounds so wistful and just ready.
But you’re not.
You grip the base of your cock, and stand up. You walk to the head of the bed, next to his confused face. You stay there waiting for him to get it. He doesn’t.
“You want me inside of you right baby?” You ask, voice gentle.
He nods, eyes no longer hazy, but wide and confused. He looks between you and your cock.
“I think that means you have to get me ready. Get me nice and wet, right?”
You can physically see when Jeongguk gets it. When it clicks for him. His eyes darken, and he licks his lips. “Yeah… You’re right. I should… help you.” He whispers, sitting up. You back up enough for him to have a place on the floor.
Jeongguk on his knees for you isn’t a new sight. He’s eaten your pussy like this before, you either grinding onto his face, or him holding you still and making quick work of your clit. But Jeongguk on his knees for you to suck your cock? New, and lewd. 
He looks nervous, kind of hesitant. A hand is raised midway, like he isn't sure if he should grab it. 
“Lick it, baby.” You encourage.
He glances at you, doe eyes seeking approval as he leans forward and gives a kitten lick to the tip. You nod, letting him know he’s doing well. His hand comes up and replaces yours at the base and he opens his mouth enough to wrap his lips around the head, and he swirls his tongue.
He pops off, and strokes up to where his mouth was and spreads the little bit of spit. The silicone is still dry though, so he spits on it more, straight from his mouth. You suck in a breath.
“Fuck, you’re so hot baby.” You whisper a breathy moan as his hands move up and down your cock. He adds his mouth again.
He hums a little, before backing up and looking at you again. “Does that feel good?” He asks.
You laugh lightly, in pure awe of him. He’s so sexy, and so sweet, and so incredibly lust inducing. Your pussy aches behind your cock. “Feels so good, baby. You’re doing so good.”
He hums, still stroking you off. “I really want it inside me…” He says, hinting that he’s ready.
You have mercy on him, having fulfilled your newfound personal fantasy enough for the night. Maybe you could revisit it another time. But now it was time to fulfill a mutual fantasy.
“On the bed, hands and knees.” You tell him.
Excitedly he hops back onto the bed, and gets into position, his hole on display for you. His back is arched and you can see the plush swell where his lower back meets the top of his cheeks. You settle behind him, and his shoulder to waist to hip ratio, is sinful. He’s always had the daintiest waist, strong, but still so small. But at this angle, it’s cinched and the way his legs are spread makes his hips look wider, accentuating the dip at his middle. You rub your hands over the narrow curve, all the way to his cheeks, grabbing handfuls of the muscle. There’s a slight give when you squeeze your hands.
Jeongguk’s head drops, and he lets out a shuddering sigh, he’s got the chills again, and he’s got a constant thrum coursing through his body. “Please…” He moans, so quietly, so desperately.
You kiss the small of his back before grabbing the lube left abandoned on the bed. You lather 2 of your fingers, and push them into Jeongguk’s hole making sure he’s nice and slick. There’s no resistance at all, hole loose and ready enough for them to slip right in. Then you lather your cock, probably with too much lube, honestly, but you wanted to be so sure that he didn’t feel any more pain than absolutely necessary. You knew the first initial push in would be the worst, but you were hopeful you both had stretched him out enough to at least minimize or diminish it altogether. 
You grab the base of your cock and line it up with his hole. It flutters, when you barely press against his rim.
“Ready?” You ask, giving a heads up.
“Yeah.” He says softly.
He’s tight. His hole sinks in with the tip of your cock before the rim gives and swallows around it. Jeongguk tenses and his hands grip the blanket under you. 
“Shit…” He groans. He sounds like he’s clenching his teeth.
You rub soothingly at his lower back, fingers dipping when you run them over the dimples at the bottom of his spine. “You’re doing so good baby.” You tell him.
“Doesn’t really hurt, I’m just stretching.” He says through his teeth. “I can take it though, keep going.”
You grab the lube and drizzle more directly onto his hole. He doesn’t mention the cold this time, too focused on taking your cock. You push against him, and feel yourself sink deeper into him. It’s like after the tip was in, his body knew what to do to take the rest. The slide wasn’t a swift, fast stroke, but it was a smooth and slow glide. When you bottom out Jeongguk’s arms give out from under him, his face going to the bed. 
“Holy fuck.” He keens, resting his head on his arms. Your hands are constantly on him, soothing him in any way that you can.
“Tell me when.” You whisper patiently. He nods. With his head turned to the side and pillowed on his arms, you can see his eyes are squeezed shut. The inhales and exhales you can see in the expanding of his ribcage, tell you that he’s taking deep breaths working through the stretch, getting himself used to it.
“Okay… Ready.” He murmurs.
You pull out just a bit before pushing back in. Jeongguk moans softly. Spreads his legs even wider, arches his back even deeper. He’s pushing his ass out for you, his body begging you to make it feel good.
You keep a slow pace, kind of nervous to speed up. 
“You can go faster, feels nice.” He says. He’s been puffing out little gasps of air every time you bottom out with your slow pace.
With his consent, you grab at his hips and pull out to just the tip, before swiftly pushing back in, fast and hard. His cheeks bounce on the impact. You grab one and jiggle it a little, thrusting into him again, drinking down the whines that slip out.
“You’ve got such a bubble butt, I never noticed before. But it like… bounces.” You say, wonder in your tone. 
“Thanks, can you like tell me about it later?” He asks, voice strained.
Point taken. 
Your thrust game is kind of shitty, in reality. It’s hard to find a rhythm, your hips not used to moving this way. But Jeongguk is moaning freely underneath you, just happy to have something inside of him after thinking about it all week. So you keep going, and eventually, the pattern comes to you, still kind of messy, but now you’ve got him cursing beneath you. You’ve got one hand on his ass, the other braced on his arched spine.
A particularly good thrust has Jeongguk burying his face into the bed, teeth biting at the bedding. “Yeah fuck-” He groans with his mouth full of blanket. With his hands now free, he brings them behind him and settles them on his cheeks and spreads.
You watch clearly as your cock sinks into Jeongguk’s ass. You’re out of breath, but you make sure to tell him how good he looks, how pretty his hole looks swallowing your cock, like it was made to take it.
“Wanna ride you.” He says. His voice is pitifully wrecked and he sounds so thoroughly fucked, you feel a little proud. Still, you’re grateful for a break. You don’t know how he fucks you like he does. ‘Topping’ is tiring. You pull out of him, and realize that when you were in awe of his hole at taking your fingers, it was premature. Jeongguk’s hole after he takes your cock is vulgar. It’s properly gaped now. Not huge, but around a fingers width.
He rolls over, and settles on his back like he just needs a moment. His chest is heaving, similar to yours. You hop off the bed, and a needy keen comes from him. You glance back at him, and he looks like he’s going to get up and follow you, but you hush him gently.
“I’m just getting some water, baby. I’ll be right back.” 
He huffs flopping back onto his back. “Hurry please.” He whines.
You get back as soon as possible with a glass of water for you both to share. He sits up onto one elbow and makes a grabby hand for the cup after you’ve had your share. You swat his hand away and hold the cup to his lips. He hums, gulping the water down. He’s happy to be coddled and taken care of. When he finishes with a cute little gasp, you place the cup to the side, and brush your hand through his sweaty hair. 
He butts his head against your palm and laughs. His eyes shut, and crinkled at the corners. His water break seems to have perked him up. His cock hasn’t deflated one bit. Rock hard and red, throbbing against his tummy. It’s messy and wet too.
You’re about to ask if he touched himself while you were inside of him, but before you can, you’re getting manhandled until he’s on top of you. He’s got your hands pinned above your head, and he smiles at you playfully, before leaning down to kiss you, deep and slow. He sucks on your lip, and slowly grinds his cock onto your belly, soft whines spilling from his tongue. He brushes his nose against yours as he sighs into your mouth, finally allowing himself the pleasure of paying attention to his cock. 
He doesn’t allow himself relief for long, however. He’s sitting up and looking from side to side for the lube before finally spotting it. His movements are quick and hectic, like he’s too excited and overly eager.
You rub your hands over his strong thighs. “Hey, slow down. You don’t have to rush. We have all night.”
He sighs at your touch, and nods softly. He whispers. “Yeah… okay. I love you.”
The little affection makes you swoon, absolutely smitten. “I love you.” You squeeze at his legs, tenderly.
He hums. “Gonna ride you now.” He opens the lube and continues with eager actions, almost like you didn’t even slow him down just a moment ago. You smile fondly to yourself. Jeongguk’s too busy slicking up your cock again to notice the mushy look.
He’s got a hand reaching behind him and he’s gripping your cock to line it up with his hole. He wiggles to get into the right position before slowly starting to sink down. His eyebrows are pinched, and his mouth falls open. But his eyes roll back when he bottoms out. His hands are braced on your stomach.
“Oh, I love it like this.” He whimpers. His legs tense at your sides, almost like he’s trying to close his legs at the pleasure he feels from your cock being tucked inside of him, hitting all the right places. He starts to grind on your cock, soft pleasured little mewls just tumbling off his tongue.
He looks so good, whining, grinding on you with his weeping cock displayed. But you wanna see him lose it on your cock. See him fall apart at how good it feels, not watch him bask in it.
“Bounce on it.” You say, voice sounding almost as fucked out as his. You know your panties are soaked through at this point, pussy pulsing and neglected, tucked away behind the strap.
Jeongguk nods. “Yeah, wanna.” 
He’s lifting himself off your cock to the tip before sliding down on it again, hard and fast. It punches a sharp gasp from his lungs. He finds a pace he likes and keeps it up, his thighs tensing, and his abs flexing as he tests his stamina, chasing that euphoric feeling he wants so so badly. He’s so strong and fit, bouncing up and down on your cock as loud unabashed moans fill the room. 
The force of him riding you makes your tits jiggle, bouncing around until they catch his attention. He groans before his hands find them, squeezing hard, using them as leverage as he pulls and drags his hips over yours. Your cock must be rubbing over his prostate because he’s losing his mind. All kinds of noises leave his mouth, and the expressions he makes are filthy.
“Fuck baby. You make me feel so good. The best- I-” He eyes squeeze shut and his mouth opens in a silent moan, overwhelmed, before a guttural groan sounds from deep within his chest. “God. Wanna cum on your cock, baby. Fuck me-”
You laugh, wonderstruck, and kind of deliriously high on the satisfaction and fulfillment you get from seeing Jeongguk feel so just…. Good. “Yeah baby? You’re gonna cum for me? All over my cock?”
He whimpers and nods as he gets back to bouncing, a desperation to his movements that wasn’t there before. His cock is slapping against both of your stomachs with nasty wet noises due to his precum getting everywhere. You feel some fly and hit your neck, his cock just dripping, weeping and begging to cum. 
It won’t be long though, before he cums. You feel the way his thighs tense, and he gets that confused look on his face, and he’s got that puzzled pitch to his moans. It’s the way he always gets when he cums untouched, always in awe that he can do it himself, without a hand around his cock. His whole body is flushed and hot to the touch, sweat making him glow in the soft light of your bedroom lamp.
He throws his head back, neck extended, and veins bulging, before looking down at his bouncing cock. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum.” He’s so whiny and noisy when he moans.
“Yeah?” You ask again, “Do it baby, show me how. You can do it, cum for me.” 
He’s nodding frantically, “Yeah- I’m gonna... Fuck, yes- Yeah, I’m-” He bounces a few more times, silent aside from the obscene squelching noises of your skin meeting, before his body tenses one last time before that string in him snaps. “Cumming-” He chokes it out. His moans don’t stop the whole time his cock shoots out his load, landing on your tummy. The moans even turn into cries, actual tears filling his eyes and falling down his cheeks. His body jerks and twitches with his orgasm. But still, he’s grinding on you, your cock still rubbing that spot inside of him, it’s like he never wants the feeling to end, even if it’s devastating, bordering on too much to handle.
You smooth your hands all over his sweaty body, before firmly placing them on his hips, stopping him. “Hey. You’re good, you did so good baby, you don’t have to keep going.”
Jeongguk’s cries are quiet, and he takes a few deep stuttering breaths to try and calm himself down, nodding with your soothing words. He rubs the back of his hand at his eyes, trying to dry them. It doesn’t help much, he’s calmed himself some but a few silent tears still make their way out, along with some soft hiccupping breaths.
“Lay down, and wait for me, hmm?” You whisper gently. He nods and lifts himself slowly, wincing at the sore ache in his hole. It’s more prevalent now that the pleasure has subsided. He all but collapses onto your pillow. 
“I’m gonna get some more water, and a towel okay?”
He grunts in response.
Before you go, you strip out of the gear, just tossing it on the ground, eager to get back to Jeongguk after getting the things you need.
When you get back, he is in the same exact position, and you laugh lightly. 
“Baby?” You ask, making sure he didn’t fall asleep.
Another grunt.
Good, he would hate you in the morning if you left him to sleep being so messy.
“Sit up, I have water and snacks and cleaning supplies.”
His head pops up. “Snacks?” His hair is sticking up on one side.
You laugh, endeared. He’s not crying anymore either, a good sign that he will be okay in just a little while after some kisses and love.
“Yeah, I got some of those seaweed chips you like, and some water.”
He sits up, leaning back on the pillows knowing the drill for after butt stuff. You hand him the water and the chips. He eats first.
“You hungry?” You ask, fitting yourself between his legs with the warm washcloth. He opens easily, munching away. You both are far past after sex shyness.
He talks with his mouth full. “Yeah. Jimin said not to eat the day off.”
You hum curiously, but don’t question it. Jimin partakes in butt stuff much more than you both. 
You’ve got all the lube cleaned off his thighs and cheeks, now all that’s left is his hole. You do it as gently as you can, knowing he’s sore just from how red and swollen and puffy it is.  But he still winces.
“How bad is it?” He mumbles.
You hesitate. “Um… You’re gonna be a little sore.” You tell him simply.
He groans, before downing his water. When he’s done, he says, “Practice is going to suck.”
You nod in agreement. It was. You wrap the used cloth in the blanket you used to protect your sheets, once again just tossing the bundle to the floor.
“Worth it though,” He smiles, pleased.
You chuckle as you find your place by him. He’s set his refreshments aside and lets you curl against him. His body sags with exhaustion when he feels your warmth press into him. You plant kisses on every inch of skin you can reach. He purrs.
“Why’d you keep going?” You ask, between smooches.
“I don’t know… it just felt so good. I guess I didn’t want it to stop.” He’s quiet, and his words are said on a sigh.
You nod, your kisses making your way to his lips. You just kiss him, slow and easy, for a few minutes until he yawns into it. He giggles.
“I’m so tired man.”
“I bet man.” You tease.
He kisses you one more time before asking, “Will you tickle my back until I fall asleep?” It’s hopeful and so sugary sweet.
“Yeah roll over.”
It’s barely a few minutes before you're met with his soft snores. You kiss his shoulder blade, before following right behind him.
~~~~
you ask for pegging and you shall receive :] i hope you liked it and that it met ur pegging standards askdkhjd as always, comments and feedback and asks and notes are loved and appreciated. thank you for reading friends ily :* 
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toonycatuwu · 2 years
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Aight im done with the episode, parts 3 and 4 probably coming tomorrow so ima write a whole essay on the bullying tobey thing
*inhale* (SPOILER ALERT)
Theodore "Tobey" McCallister III is a character and a villain loved by the vast majority of the WordGirl fandom and community. There are a lot of interesting headcanons and AU versions dedicated to him. The fanart, fanfictions, animations... it's all spreading rapidly and I am very grateful for that. One of the most popular ships in the fandom is ToBecky, a lovable enemies to lovers pairing with WordGirl/Becky Botsford and Tobey. There are many reasons why people like this ship, but the main reason, formally known as Toony's Purpose II- Frienemies is the fact that Tobey is so lovesick for WordGirl that he feels the need to cause severe damage to the city just to get her love and attention. In other words, all he wanted was WordGirl's love and he cannot (not impossible, but most likely cannot) be convinced that he can turn good partially due to an incident in the episode Tobey Goes Good. It's to the point where he feels like WordGirl is the only person who ever truly cared about him. It's true that WordGirl and Tobey do get along in later episodes, but in this particular episode and movie, The Rise of Miss Power, Tobey witnesses the most heartbreaking and rage-inducing insults he has ever experienced in his entire life.
In the beginning of the movie, Miss Power decides to land to Earth to take over the entire planet with WordGirl. She meets WordGirl and first insults Dr. Two-Brains by being disgusted at his second brain. I wouldn't blame her for being sickened by a mouse partially possessing a man's mind, but I can sense that it still hurt both minds. Then, she goes on with WordGirl to insult the Butcher. She then tells WordGirl that she wants to be taught by her to use words more wisely, but things start going downhill. Now, this is the thing I hate the most about her: not only is Miss Power absolutely harsh to everyone, but judging by her history of ruling planets, she not only manipulated WordGirl, but also manipulated other people from multiple other planets as well. This proves that she will do ANYTHING to rule a single planet. She can make heroes hurt their fellow villains by harsh verbal use of language, and possibly make them slaughter millions of lives just to take control. She says that superheroes have lives and feelings, but guess what? Villains have lives and feelings as well! This is damaging and disgusting behavior, and the things she does including the awful excuses she makes just makes me want to climb into my TV and grab every villain's weapons and armies and rip Miss Power's soul out because I am so enraged at the scene I will describe in this next paragraph.
Tobey. We're finally getting to the British 10-year old boy genius who's the only most formidable in the world. As I mentioned before, he has this severely lovesick obsession with WordGirl, although she is supposed to be his enemy. This is extremely important to the plot because his obsession only gets stronger over time, as seen in the episodes Cherish is the Word, Talent Show Tobey, Best Fanclub Meeting Ever, Win a Day With WordGirl, and last but certainly not least, Go Gadget Go. After seeing them damaging Chuck emotionally (EMOTIONAL DAMAGEEE), I only realized the harm was about to get worse. The moment I am about to describe now is one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever witnessed in the entire WordGirl series.
First, Miss Power and WordGirl approach Tobey. WordGirl says, "Hi, Mrs. McCallister!" in order to scare Tobey because his weakness, besides love, is his mother. His mother often drags him by he ear whenever he gets in trouble because that's her way of punishing him. Her intimidating, buff appearance is what terrifies Tobey, and that's why he freaks out when her name is mentioned. Miss Power and WordGirl both laugh at him, of course. Tobey just finds it disrespectful and tries to carry on with the battle. WordGirl then INSULTS HIM HARSHLY by saying that he had a goofy haircut, and BAD CLOTHES. Tobey doesn't even have a bad sense of fashion! The bowtie and glasses completes him very well, and the outfit in general makes him look very dignified, as he always does. These insults are extremely damaging to him because not only does he state multiple times that he wants WordGirl to love him because he wants her to know he's strong enough to be worthy of her love, but he also just wants her to know that he's handsome. He makes a valiant effort to prove this. My respects go to him for doing this. WordGirl then says he's "afraid of his mommy". Finally, she finishes him off with the most damaging line: "You're a ridiculous villain, Tobey. You always have been!" This entire line is why I despise Miss Power with the deepest passion I've ever had before. She manipulated WordGirl into thinking that villains are heartless, and took that too far by standing here and watching her damage Tobey's vulnerable side of his soul by saying that he has always been a ridiculous villain. Ever since Tobey even MET WordGirl, he instantly fell in love with her because of her beauty, intelligence, and strength. He spent multiple seasons trying to get her to notice how worthy he can be for her love, desperately trying to prove that he's nothing without her and how he solely relies on her approval to love himself. Now he has to face the consequences of being evil when he felt like he never had a choice. Whoever taught him this logic needs to be put in prison. This child is 10 years old, mind you, and Miss Power is a fully grown adult manipulating another child about the same age as him into bullying him! At the end of the scene, Miss Power makes Tobey ACTUALLY CRY by bullying him even more. Becky goes on to hurt her family and even her sidekick as well. The rage and misery I feel when I'm constantly rewatching this scene, it's more than my soul can handle. Everytime I see this, the memories of Tobey's desperate efforts go rushing and flooding through my mind, making me want to delete Miss Power permanently for the pain she caused him. This scene is absolutely sickening, but I'm extremely grateful the creators of WordGirl created this movie and included this scene so the fandom and I can learn to think deeply about the characters and their role and development in the plot. They taught us to not bully others and not to severely damage people's hearts and minds.
In conclusion, I hate Miss Power and the things she did and still might continue to do. She manipulated WordGirl into damaging Tobey when he was at his most vulnerable state of mind. Plus, Tobey should get therapy or seek some help from people he feels like he can trust. This particular scene in this movie is a heartbreaking masterpiece and one of the most significant parts of the overall plot.
-Toony
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bisexualhobi · 2 years
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im so ashamed of being an army (like i am most of the time tbh) and so disappointed in bts,,,, from calling out bullying and discrimination in a unicef campaign to completely glossing over - and thus endorsing - violent fan behavior... even if this little thing they did wasn't scripted (it totally was, it was necessary to put an end to the corden fiasco and redeem him in the eyes of the fandom) calling out james was correct, BUT AGREEING WITH LARGE RABID AND VIOLENT FRINGES OF YOUR FANDOM???? MAKING THEM FEEL IMPORTANT AND RIGHTEOUS???????? WHO ARE WE KIDDING.
They could have simply said they don't condone death threats and moved on, they have called out their fans for stalking them before, what's the issue now?????
okay. i'm gonna ramble a little but i need to get this off my chest. i say this as someone who works in PR so i'm talking from hands on experience btw.
one of the cornerstones of hybe's positioning for bts has always been victimization. like i don't think if you guys notice this but it's not NORMAL to have an entire fandom whose introduction to the group is "they are hated by everyone they came from the wittle small company and everyone bullied them these are all the receipts of that one time in 2015 a variety host was rude to them"
the moment you come into the bts fandom the FIRST thing armys tell you is "bts only has army" "all the other groups and the entire industry is plotting against them" "they were the underdogs so everything they do now has a reason" and hybe ACTIVELY feeds these narratives and rewards fans for this blind devotion. do you think it's a coincidence that every single time bts has a milestone celebration namjoon makes sure to mention "the bad years"? reminding everyone of when they were mistreated? bringing up the times when you were kicked while you're on top of the world is really fucking lame.
the thing hybe has failed to take into account is that yes, everybody loves an underdog story and rooting for the outcast. but when you stopped being an underdog 5 years ago a big chunk of your relatability and attraction is lost. hybe built bts' ethos as the "scrappy runt of the litter company" with the "relatable, goofy, humble group who aren't good at being the perfect idols" but that is literally a bygone era. bts have been the biggest act on the planet for 3 years now and hybe is literally the biggest entertainment company in asia.
so what do you do when you can no longer use the underdog story? you reinforce with your built in fandom that bts only has army. you spin the story to make bts look as helpless and hated as possible, with the rest of the industry plotting against them because they're scared of their power. because they're scared of army. you reward armys for being their personal defense squad and feed their delusions while guilt tripping them into supporting every decision the company makes because "they care for bts" and "the members have complete control over their management". by painting the situation as Us vs. Them you isolate the fandom and ensure complete loyalty not only to bts, but to the company.
bts is never EVER going to call out their fandom being racist, misogynistic and bullies in defense of the group and the company. hybe allowed armys to go unchecked for too long, so now they could risk losing money and tarnishing their image if bts were to call out the very thing they created. bts themselves are WELL AWARE of all the vile shit their fans do, such as doxxing black people, sending death threats to reporters, making deep fakes of female idols, harassing celebrities and journalists and anyone who so much as looks at them the wrong way. and they just accepted it with the james corden interview. they don't care about calling it out because the more the fandom perceives bts as the victims, the fiercest their loyalty is and the more cash that goes into hybe.
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virtualtoybox · 2 years
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okay nobody asked however tho i may be cringe i am also FREE so heres the story beats for dark lady au -
-padme survived, tho is handicapped from injuries sustained during her fight with anakin on mustafar. shes in a leadership position in the rebellion, but stays disguised as a handmaiden to the queen of alderaan as a way to protect here identity from the empire. 
-luke and leia are raised basically co-parented by the organas as well as padme and sabe. luke and padme are extremely close while her relationship with leia remains strained and distant... being a mother to her daughter was harder than was to be one to her son. she saw too much of herself in leia, and it scared her, and i think it scared leia too. a ferocity and need to change the world around her but too young to do anything about it. padme wishes she had done more about it. she tries so hard to make up for hte mistakes of her past, creating a better future for her children based on the foundation she failed to build before. 
- its around 12 years old that the children are found out by vader, and leia is singled out just by being on the wrong planet at the wrong time, just because she happened to by the first he found ina vulnerable enough position. he never planned to take leia; it didnt have to be her. 
- middle middle ive been drinking and smoking, ALL NIGHT, so suck it up you dont get the intensive leia sith training meta. maybe tomorrow. 
- ....okay just a lil. so she is fairly easy to manipulate tbqh considering shes so hunger for more and better and any sort of satisfaction that can ease the burning in her gut for just a second. palpatine offers her that in the form of force training- something her mother forbade. 
- so leia very definitely like. feels like being a sith can get her where she wants to be- where palpatine is. doing better than him. 
- a new hope is different in many ways but the one i will talk at length about is Leias assassination of emperor palpatine. vader is tasked with stopping the hotshot pilot trying to destroy the death star and comes back to give his master the bad news only to find a mangled body and his daughter wuth blood on her hands. she wont tell him what exactly happened- but that she does expect a new title. 
- emperor vader and his daughter; the dark lady arfenia (the devoted) are a very intense hand in unlovable hand fucked up power duo who feed off each other in the worst most unhealthy ways - she hates him so much, knows she needs him alive for now, shaking deep in her bones to finally kill him. he loves and would die for her easily, knows its not yet his time so he  is basically a puppet leader for his extremely disturbed daughter. 
-during this time, padme takes luke to ahsoka for force training- desperate for some form of defense against her ex husband ... against her own daughter.
- leia and han end up meeting when han is taken prisoner by vader to try and lure luke ala esb, though things go quite a bit differently to the point of Han being stuck in the cells on Leias ship. she honestly just curious as to who wouldve grabbed her brothers attention to such an extent that she visits han a bit more often than she should. they only know each other for a month. theyre only together once. its enough. 
-jaina and jacen are born 9 months later. theyre both so strong in the force, leia can already sense the power rolling off her children in waves. but one of them, the boy... hes sick. no matter what she does, she cant get him to stop crying a sickly pathetic wail- something that scared her so so bad. she could only think of one person who might be able to help- her brother, a jedi. a healer in the force. 
-she leaves jacen with luke- hiding him away just close enough for her brother to sense and safe enough to wait until he did. she knows the boy will be safe there- maybe even get to know his father. 
-ive type 1k more words than discord will allow me to send about an au no one could possibly care about besides myself and im not even to the main part of the au. might write more later but for now i thnk im gonna go put myself in niche star wars au jail (timeout in the corner)
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Text
i finished the timeless children and i have so many thoughts. i usually post on mobile, but bc i know there are people like me who are new to doctor who, i switched to my computer to add the read more thingy. so beware spoilers for the timeless children below the cut !
this is going to be a long post of bear with me
the doctor and the master
OKAY SO i first want to start off with the theory i had: when the master first mentioned that the doctor wasn’t who she thought she was. I had mulled over what it could be and the theory i came up with was that she was immortal and that gallifrey wasn’t her home planet. it was the only way it would make sense and i’m honestly glad i was right in that regard. however, my theory also included the master. i had thought that he had burned gallifrey to the ground because they lied to him about who he was. i really wanted the doctor and the master together in this because the master even said “they lied to us, we’re not who we think, you or i”. so imagine my disappointment when it was revealed that the timeless child was only just the doctor. the implication that the doctor will live forever is heavy, but making it so that the doctor’s enemy, her friend, her rival, her lover would also live forever is even worse and that’s what i wanted. 
the relationship between the doctor and the master is unique to say the least and they’ve been through ever single kind of relationship with one another. thirteen had anxiety and stress over this for episodes over who she is. the way her mind goes a million miles a minute, no wonder she was so on edge the whole time. obviously it annoyed her that the master knew more about her life than she did. if the master was also a timeless child, i think it would have hit home more. like they’re destined to revolve around each other all the time, always intersecting. also the episode is titled the timeless children, was that supposed to be misleading or? the fact that the master cheats death more than the doctor does would be a perfect plothole filler for the whole missy dying and not being able to regenerate thing. the doctor literally got handed extra lives from river and from the time lords. as im typing this all out, i am getting a little upset at that choice. it’s not like the master deserves to live forever (far from it honestly), but if he did, wouldn’t it have been better for the doctor to be the one to keep him in check. obviously, it’s not her job to make sure that he doesn’t hurt or kill people forever, but i think with all that infinite time, they’d be able to reconcile. that was the hope at least. 
yaz, graham, and ryan (aka the fam)
i said this in a brief post earlier that i was so happy to see yaz act like and essentially become the doctor while being separated for her. personally, i felt like yaz was in the background for a bit, but she really shined through in this episode. the way she was constantly encouraging the people around her even though she was scared herself. literally walking in the doctor’s footsteps. 
the conversation between graham and yaz was really touching to me. i started tearing up the same time yaz did. the way graham said “You said to the Doc that you thought she was the best person you'd ever met. But you know what, Yaz? I think you are.” melted my heart and it’s so nice to finally see them bond like that. i know that ryan and graham aren’t in the flux special (im very excited to meet dan) so it feels very bittersweet for him to express his feeling like that to her. and the fact tat yaz literally rushed into the boundary without a second thought because she knew the doctor was on the other side. if that’s not love then what is?
ryan sinclair my beloved. first off, i wish they did more with his character. i think he had so much potential as a companion. the way he threw that bomb made me feel like a proud mother watching her son grow up lol. also, when he said he wasn’t sure about using weapons was a callback to their first adventure in ghost monument when the first thing he did at the sign of trouble was pick up a gun. to see him hesitate to resort to violence was a really nice nod to how much he’s grown as a person.
overall i think the episode was fantastic. im going to be thinking about this for a long time. i know i still have the flux to go, but it makes me wonder about the future of doctor who. rtd is coming back and with his genius writing skills, I’m hoping we can really flesh out the whole timeless child thing. and as for future predictions, i hope the show eventually takes us to go beyond the universe we know, so that maybe we can eventually find the doctor’s real home planet. maybe even their family? one can only hope :) 
and last but not list a list of quotes from the episode that i will never stop thinking about:
“You said to the Doc that you thought she was the best person you'd ever met. But you know what, Yaz? I think you are.” - graham
“And the history between us does mean something. It's the rage and pain in my hearts.″ - the master
“I ransacked the Matrix of the Time Lords, distilled all the knowledge, all the experiences, all the discoveries, into these brains up here. All the Cyber knowledge, all the Time Lord knowledge. Put it together, what do you get? Absolute supremacy in the universe. Choose me.” - the master
“You always behaved like you were different, like you were... like you were special. And you were. You can see... you can see why I'm angry. A little piece of you is in me. All I am is somehow because of you, and believe me when I say, I cannot bear that.” - the master
“You think you've broken me? You'll have to try harder than that. You've given me a gift. Of myself. You think that could destroy me? You think that makes me lesser? It makes me more. I contain multitudes more than I ever thought or knew. You want me to be scared of it because you're scared of everything. But I am so much more than you.” - the doctor
“You may have made me, but I have destroyed you. Become death. Become me.” - the master
if you read this whole thing, ty for taking the time to read this. i love you mwah <3
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borealnyx · 2 years
Text
MASH season 8 thoughts
First of all, lots of love to @genderqueer-klinger​ for being my bestie.even through technical difficulties.
this one im going to give my opinion episode by episode, because i feel like my opinion on all the characters is established enough, and honestly there has been been more than a few episodes that deserve a proper reaction by themselves this season
Radar is so uncool and cute. I adore that little guy. Im sure the staring as radar in the credits means nothing. Also all my love to mildred. She deserves a husband whos there
Im going to kill that congressional aide and no one will be able to find his body. And i know this is basic shit but from the bottom of my heart fuck mcarthyism
No matter how much they care, they are still part of the imperialist machine, and an enemy to people who were living in peace before them.
I think that the staring as radar in the credits wasnt a coincidence 😭 and who gave klinker radars job. Thats a disaster.
Goodbye you sweet prince, you have grown up so much in the last couple of seasons. Also im so proud of klinger for pulling that off.(the teddy bear at the end made me cry)
Klinger at his messiest and BJ at his most insane. Why did he mention trapper??? He also knew frank and he also went back home to his kids. So what was that about???
Father Mulcahy can get it, but he doesnt want to cause my man is ace. The nurse was very valid and im so glad we get to see women supporting women
The fact that everyone turns on klinger just in case. God they are so valid
Im starting to understand why everyone insists that DOS deserves all the emmys. Also the wife was super cool and i hope they stayed in touch, and the swamp rats friendship is very important to me.
Bj and hawkeye nominated to dumbest old married couple routine ever. Jail for charles and a crown for margaret, as usual. Mulcahy weird manic energy in this one is worrying tho.
WEIRD CONCEPT EPISODE. And a fucked up concept at that. The writen and directed by alan alda really hits different
This one felt a bit very special episode, but apart from that bj and hawk are the most annoying people in the planet, as always, and i love them for that.somehow klinger has managed to be the only normal person in the place
Why is no one giving mulcahy a promotion?? The man deserves it. Also rosie is a girlboss and i adore her
Swamp rats continue to be the dumbest babies on the planet. Hawkeye really doesnt know what to do with himself when he doesnt have bjs attention. And i liked scully at the start, but he has managed to dig himself into last place in the list of margaret exes. And Frank Burns is in there!!!
This rides the line between wholesome and fucking depressing like its nothing. i had to laugh when they tried to convince the goverment guy saying that the baby might get killed because of racial purity.... he is a goverment official in the 50s. i dont think he would care that much. And the line about not beeing able to have children of their own... they were insane for that one
DOS Emmys when??that man really went above and beyond. Dont like the implications with hawk having a personality transplant when he is sober. Do we even know the man??
On the one hand, charles and potter bring excellent buddy comedy shenanigans. On the other, that last "thats what scares me" from hawk has changed my brain chemistry. so a really well balanced episode
Potter is not allowed to cry. Like, legally it is forbiden. Something something, the connections made in the worst of circunstances are the most true, something something, i dont want to see who the last one alive of this bumch is going to be.
I am once again asking whats the deal with bj and hawk is. And i give charles so much shit, but he really is a nice guy
Has someone told alan alda that family therapy is a thing and he doesnt need to film it?? No? Okey then
Klinger really is a gem, and i dont appreciate that they were so mean to him and his cultural heritage. Also sidney, my beloved, you are the only one with more than a braincell any given day and i appreciate it
W H A T T H E F U C K whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck     mr alda what the shit was that??????
Bj deranged episode. What do you mean hawk is jealous while you have an emotional affair????, what do you mean theres no now??? Sir you have been in a war somewhere between six moths and five years, please process it
Hawkeye could and should destroy the american medical establishment. He can have a little violence, as a treat. Also i really love how his dad always sends him things that make him angry. Pierce senior, king of creating problems he doesnt have to deal with.
I dont know whats better. The four idiots extraordinaire, being allies and messing with each other, or the fact that potter managed to pull one over all of them
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spacedikut · 4 years
Text
nurse reid ; spencer reid
pairing: spencer reid (criminal minds) x f!reader
summary:  “Hi cutie! I hope you are doing well! I LOVE your writing! Would it be possible for me to request something about reader fainting/almost fainting with Spencer and him taking care of her? Thank you I love you❤️❤️❤️❤️” 1781 words
a/n: three things: i have never fainted before so im guessing here, i kinda hate this so if u hate it too pretend u don’t AND if you saw me already post this two times no u didn’t :)
masterlist
Spencer should’ve known something was wrong when you came in late, rushing into the briefing room with squinted eyes and a lack of bounce in your step. When, after Hotch told the team today was for paperwork meaning everyone was desk bound, you sighed in relief.
You love field work. You love cases. You love being out there, helping people. The last thing you want is a day of writing reports.
He should’ve known when you finally stood, taking a couple of seconds to do so, and you had to blink rapidly to clear your vision of black and white dots.
You stumbled straight into Spencer’s chest, where he stood waiting for you.
“Careful,” He mumbled, one hand holding your elbow and the other resting around your waist. There was a second where he was the only thing holding you up. In normal circumstances, you would’ve blushed and been stuck on the thought of his hands on you for the rest of the day.
This wasn’t a normal day.
You went to respond with something teasing, maybe a joke about him being your knight in shining armour and he’d tell you about the history of the saying, but the feeling of bile rising in your throat stopped you.
You prepared to slump over and throw up on the shoes of your crush. But it never comes.
The sounds around you abruptly dull, vision becoming fuzzy as your brain started feeling distinctly tingly.
Suddenly you were falling.
The world goes black.
+++
You wake up some time later, incredibly confused but comfortable.
The first thing you realise is you’re in Hotch’s office on his couch. You know the smell of his office, you know the smell of Hotch, and it’s one of comfort.
But it’s Spencer sitting next to you. You know the smell of Spencer, too.
When you open your eyes, your suspicions are confirmed – Spencer is sitting directly in front of your face on the floor, cross-legged and speeding through a book. He hears you shift and looks up, eyes wide and brows tensing.
“You scared the hell out of me.” Is the first thing he says.
You huff a laugh, gratefully accepting the water he offers. You gulp it down at an awkward angle, given that you’re lying down and refuse to get up. “What happened?”
“You fainted. You know, fainting occurs when the blood pressure gets too low and the heart is not pumping a normal supply of oxygen to the brain. The medical term for fainting, or passing out, is-“
“Syncope. I know.” You grimace. You lift a hand to pinch the bridge of your nose, a headache now forming as well.
Spencer’s brows stay furrowed, deep frown on his face as he looks at you with sympathetic eyes, “Does this happen often?”
He keeps his voice low, rumbling through his chest and sounding very nice in your ears. “Not that often. Just.. sometimes, when I forget to eat or drink for a while. It’s stupid.”
“It’s not stupid,” He lifts a hand, placing it against your forehead with a special tenderness that makes your heart ache. You watch him the entire time, watching the cogs turning in his head as he assess you. “But my theory was correct. When was the last time you ate?”
You avoid eye contact.
He sighs.
“Y/N…”
You pout. Maybe, if you look cute enough, he won’t lecture you.
He doesn’t get the chance (although all his brain is really saying is you cute you cute you cute), because Penelope gingerly pushes the office door open, bringing in a strong stream of light (you only now notice how dim the room is), holding a bag full of who-knows-what that she hands to Spencer.
“Here,” She says, then looks at you, “How you feeling, sweetness?”
“I’ll survive.” You smile, small and weak.
She nods with a pitiful “Good” and quietly shuts the door behind her.
You go to ask what presents Penelope has brought, but Spencer sticks a hand in the bag, ruffling around for a second, before bringing out a pack of sugar-drowned sweets you know are from the vending machine.
He opens the pack for you and grabs one, dangling it above your open mouth.
“For your low blood sugar.”
It’s one of those rainbow strands, covered entirely in sugar from top to bottom. It sizzles on your tongue, a sourness that makes your jaw flinch, but you happily accept a second from Spencer.
Your body feels exhausted, but your arms are still fully mobile. Spencer doesn’t need to feed you.
You’re sure he knows this. (He does)
You won’t say anything, though. This is way too sweet and kind.
(Spencer’s enjoying it too)
The whole pack is gone in minutes. He sneaks a few, as expected, because Spencer is a child with a sugar addiction at heart.
“What now?” You sigh.
“How do you feel?”
He looks at you so tenderly you feel like the most important person on the planet. The way he’s gazing at you, all concerned and sympathetic, makes you want to kiss him. Right on the lips. And the rest of his face, too.
He interrupts before you even open your mouth, “Don’t answer that. Well, answer it, but I’m disregarding anything you say because you’re spending the rest of the day in here where I can look after you.”
You raise an eyebrow, “Oh? On who’s orders?”
“Mine. I am a Doctor, after all,”
“I can’t stay here all day, Spence. It was just a little faint-“
“A little faint?! Y/N, although syncope is a common problem, if you go on about your day like nothing is wrong you could faint again and get hurt. Like, badly hurt.” He pauses, “And I can’t let that happen. So I’m going to take care of you and watch over you to ensure nothing happens.”
“That’s sweet, Spence, really, but-“
“No buts. I’m your Doctor.”
“You’re not a medical Doctor!”
“Then I’m your nurse.”
You smirk. He instantly regrets saying that.
“You’re my nurse?” You ask.
“I take it back. I’m your doctor.”
“If you really want to make me feel better, I’m pretty sure I have an old sexy nurse costume if you wanna wear it.”
“No. I do not want to wear that. Thank you.”
You pout again.
“Just relax, Y/N. At least for a little while.”
You concede, deciding some rest won’t hurt, nodding and shuffling your body to settle back into the couch. You close your eyes and Spencer goes back to his book – you’re a little surprised he’s staying with you, but then you assume he’ll stay until you fall asleep and come back to check on you later.
Some time passes where sleep evades you.
“Will you read to me, Spence?” You open one eye and look at him, where he’s biting his lip as his eyes furiously scan the pages.
His head snaps up, caught off guard, “Huh?”
“Will you read to me? I can’t relax.”
“Of-of course.” He looks back at the book in his lap, “The book I’m reading is in Russian, though.”
You hum, “That’s okay. I just like your voice.”
You don’t see it, but he blushes profusely, smothering a wide grin that he knows would make him look like a lovesick puppy.
Right before you fall asleep, you mumble something. If Spencer wasn’t sat so close, he would’ve missed it.
He’s glad he didn’t.
“You’re adorable.”
For the first time in his life, Spencer wants to squeal.
+++
Turns out you sleep the entire work day away. You were more exhausted and drained than you let on – the amount of case files everyone had to work through made you feel tremendously guilty when you imagined Hotch and JJ spending yet another late night at the office, significant others and kids eagerly waiting for them at home, so you took on way more work than you could handle, exerting yourself by staying up late, skipping meals - all things you’d kill your team for doing.
And you paid for it by fainting bright and early on a Friday morning.
Spencer watches you, gripping his satchel that sits across his body, as you slowly gather your belongings together. You’ve only just woken up, eyes bleary and movements sluggish.
He gathers all his courage and says, “I think I should take you home.”
You blink at him. “Why?”
He curses internally. He was hoping, in your disoriented state, you’d comply and definitely not question him.
Please don’t make him tell you he loves and cares for you so much and the idea of you going home alone after all this makes him anxious and he refuses to let you repeat what you’ve been doing to yourself.
He clears his throat, “Well, most of the time fainting is harmless, but a small percentage of people faint due to serious medical conditions, such as an irregular heartbeat. I’m just. I think it’d be safer if I stayed with you.”
You look at him, really look at him, and he tries to hide how he bites his lip and how his eyes flicker away for a moment.
He’s hiding something.
You turn your body towards him, suspicion clear on your face. Spencer swallows. You’ve got that look – brows raised, eyes narrowed and pursed lips.
He likes your lips. His eyes linger there.
You notice, of course you do, and you decide to take a leap.
“Alright. If you consider wearing the nurse outfit I’ll let you come home with me.”
Spencer guffaws.
“And,” You hold a finger up, “We can stop at your favourite restaurant on the way back and spend the night relaxing together.”
Spencer hehs, “Kinda sounds like a date to me.”
“Do you want it to be?”
Spencer nods without thinking. Of course he wants to date you. Then he blushes and tries to backtrack, “I mean-“
“I’d like it to be a date.” You smile. “It can be a date, if you want,”
Your confidence begins to waiver when he takes a couple seconds to respond. But Spencer can’t resist the grin that takes over, the elation he feels when he sees you’ve taken initiative and it’s quite possible you want him the same way he wants you.
He can’t help but ask, “This isn’t the fainting talking, right?”
You roll your eyes and move towards him, picking up his hand and interlocking your fingers.  
“Trust me when I say,” You promise, making sure you look him directly in the eyes, “I’ve wanted this for a long time.”
When you look at him like that, Spencer thinks he might end up in that nurse outfit you mentioned.
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6sakusa · 3 years
Text
‘worth more’ part 3, oikawa tōru.
a/n: im dedicating this part to @humanitysvertigo for motivating me to write & inspiring this piece with your song suggestion ‘like you do’
warnings: implications of toxic relationship, mild swearing, anGST, me not proof reading.
“you’re an idiot.” iwaizumi grabbed the setter by the collar in a brash attempt to knock some sense into him. more often than not he’d been constantly named as too aggressive for his own good but the ace knew exactly what oikawa needed in order to be brought to attention and there was no way in hell that he was about to let him get away with this.
“i’m not in the mood for this right now.” oikawa scoffed shoving off his bestfriend as he picked up another ball from the pantry preparing himself for another serve.
“i don’t care what you’re in the mood for, this isn’t good for you, how many times have i told you to cut this shit out.” iwaizumi launched towards the male, he was now raising his voice as he made reach for the ball. it was insane how much he would get riled up when it came to oikawa’s safety even though he hated to admit it.
“why are you like this.. you’re all like this, why are you trying to stop me? i need to get better, i need to do better, i need to—“ his words were cut off by a swiff headbutt from iwaizumi causing him to go crashing towards the ground.
“don’t you ever get tired of saying selfish shit.” it was obvious that anger was building up within the ace, but if you didn’t know him well enough you would miss how it was interlaced with pain and sadness. the sight of his bestfriend hurting himself took a toll on him too regardless of if he showed it or not and he couldn’t bare the sight of oikawa mistreating both you and himself. growing up together iwa found himself as the boys sole protector, as if he was his responsibility and now as the days grew longer it seemed as if the burden was almost getting to heavy to carry. the last thing he wanted was to have to walk away from the friendship because it was becoming too stressful and draining, no, because part of iwaizumi was oikawa and he couldn’t imagine his life without the selfish boy.
“don’t you wanna win? why do you play iwa? are you content with the participation awards? because i’m not.” the setter grit his teeth as he reflected back on his recent loss. the way the ball had hit the ground just a hair out of his reach, the way the score was so close and the taste of victory was almost on his tongue, the fact that it was their last try at going to nationals, the way it was his own kouhai who had beat him, the way he had disappointed iwaizumi above all. he had to make up for it, he had to make up for all of it.
“i play because it’s fun.” the ace shouted shoving him further into the ground. “i play because.. i like it, i like volleyball, and i like playing with you and the rest of the team, it’s made me who i am today.” his voice softened and he finally let go of his bestfriends collar, inhaling a deep breath as oikawa watched with wide eyes. “what does volleyball mean to you now? do you just want to be the best at what you do for something you don’t even find fun? look around, think about all the people you’re hurting.” he referred back to you.
“i’m doing this for you guys as much as i’m doing it for me—“
“no you’re not, we’re in our third year now, it’s done oikawa, it’s over.. there is no next game, there is no next tournament, there is no next time, and that’s okay because these past three years have been the best of my life, there’s nothing else i could have asked for, you’re the best partner anyone could ever want, my bestfriend and the best setter.” iwaizumi sighed collapsing backwards, hitting his own head as the words just kept tumbling out.
“really?” there was a newfound light in oikawas eyes, one that the ace much preferred in comparison to his gloomy figure that would always pop out when he was being much too harsh on himself.
“yes really, you are the best setter—“
“no.” oikawa cut him off unexpectedly. “really? i’m your bestfriend?”
“are you shitting me? you’re an idiot, who else would it be? we’ve been friends since we were kids.. stupid crappykawa.” he mumbled off at the end noting how sappy the setter had turned him.
“you have a way with words iwa-chan, or maybe you’ve just gone soft on me hm?” he joked around lifting the tense atmosphere off the two of them.
“and now you’re all smiling and shit? you were just depressed two minutes ago” iwaizumi clicked his tongue at the sight of his friend, he wondered how he was always able to switch his mood up so easily. sometimes he was envious of his ability to do so, he wanted nothing more than to turn off the nagging voice at the back of his head sometimes that would tell him—
“what can i say? i’m suddenly feeling inspired.” he looked up to the ceiling as if he was in some soft of romcom and iwaizumi scoffed at the sight of it. sometimes he wondered how he’d ended up with a bestfriend who was so cheesy.
“well good because aoba johsai isn’t the whole world, there’s a volleyball career waiting for you anywhere on this planet, but nothing everything is replaceable like that.” iwa successfully recaptured the setters attention with his last words.
“what do you mean?”
“y/n... she’s not replaceable but you treated her like shit today didn’t you? i saw her sitting out in the rain so don’t even try to deny it.” he gritted his teeth at the thought of it, the way your fingertips were icy cold, your warm tears juxstaposing the freezing rain, your clothes absolutely drenched and your catatonic state of pure silence as he walked you home. there was only one person who could be the cause of such pain, and he was standing in front of him now.
“the rain?” oikawa jumped to alert now, he knew he wasn’t in his right mind when he had spoke to you, all that was going through his head is that he was a burden that you needed to rid yourself from, but that didn’t mean he didn’t love you or didn’t care about you or could live without you.
“what did you say to her?”
“i said i didn’t need her..” his heart clenched as he recalled the events, how could he be so foolish? and then to let you sit out there while he was ignorant to the entire situation as he stood there selfishly serving the ball over and over again.. “i scared her.” he swore he was on the verge of tears as he forced out those words, nothing hurt more then seeing your eyes wash over from love to fear in the matter of seconds as he towered over you. and for what? all you were doing was trying to help.
“well why are you still standing asshole? go to her, i’ll clean your mess up.” the ace sighed staring at the vast amount of balls sprawled over the court.
“no i can clean it up, don’t wo—“
“shut up, go.” he was interrupted by iwaizumi who had his best interests in mind as he always did.
“i owe you one.”
“you always do.”
finally changing out of your drenched clothes you could barely bring yourself to move, you’d already turned down food and avoided questions when your parents had ask why you were practically dripping onto the floor. it was too much to even speak, it felt like a part of you was gone, someone you had planned your entire future with just didnt need you anymore in the blink of an eye. you were even reconsidering your university options just to be closer to oikawa and now he had tossed you away like a tired ragdoll. you had been warned about oikawa before, plenty of people named him a playboy, even his own bestfriend had warned you to stay away but something had left you so drawn to the male that it was unexplainable. it was a feeling that only those who had experienced it would know, it was true love, if soulmates existed you were sure he was yours and never in your life had the thought of even breaking up crossed your mind.
the two of you had gotten into heated arguments before and many times it would end with you in tears or him storming out but he always came back. why hasn’t he come back? was it truly over? were you just not enough for him? you knew how important volleyball was and you always supported him but you hated seeing him overwork himself. did that make you a bad person? maybe you were, maybe he was right and you weren’t being the supportive girlfriend you were meant to be, it was your fault, you should be better right?
“y/n?” your thoughts were interrupted by a sickeningly familar voice and you turned to see the very boy that you were just thinking about. there was no doubt now that fate existed, otherwise why did things always end up like this?
“what are you doing here?” you narrowed your eyes at the setter, scrambling to wipe the tears off your face. you hated looking weak more than anything but you couldn’t help the dent that the entire situation had left in your heart.
“iwa-chan told me what happened and your parents let me in, were you crying?” he moved closer towards you, watching as you tried your best to stifle your tears as if nothing happened. you knew it was a pathetic attempt, you really did, but you couldn’t help how badly you wanted to be strong. you flinched backwards, causing him to halt his movement as he was making his way to cup your cheek.
the sadness that washed over his eyes in that moment was almost unbearable for you to witness. of course it would pain him that you would flinch away from his hands like that, it looked as if you were afraid.
“w-what? why are you flinching? i would never hit you, i love you.” you hated the way you knew exactly when he was telling the truth and when he was lying, and right now tōru oikawa was being the most genuine that he had in a long time. one part of you wanted to pull away so badly, to tell him that he treated you like absolute shit, that he didn’t deserve you and to scream and shout at him to get out. but the other part of you, the stronger part, wanted nothing more than to revel in his embrace, for him to whisper sweet nothings in your ear and promise how he was going to marry you one day while he played with your ring finger reminding you over and over again how much he loved you, because no one loved you like he did.
“please.. say something y/n.” he clenched his jaw as you stared at him with empty eyes, he couldn’t bare the thought of knowing that he was the one who had done this. it was always him who had caused you pain and suffering and now he was wondering if he had made the right choice by coming here.. if he hadn’t you would get over him one day wouldn’t you? you’d probably find someone who loved you without the grief that he always provided, someone who made you happy without requirement, someone who could give you a life that he couldn’t. what he didn’t know was how much you wanted to tell him how no one else mattered to you and how you had felt this way since the moment you’d met him but your mouth wouldn’t say the words you wanted them to so badly.
“why.. why do you always do this to me.” your voice cracked and you couldn’t hold it in any longer, your eyes glossed over before tears spilt out uncontrollably. you moved to clutch your own body, burying your head in your knees as you cried your heart out to your boyfriend who immediately moved to embarace you. what shocked him is how cold you were to the touch, you were sure to get sick tonight so he would stay by your side the entire time if he had to.
“i don’t know.. all i know is how sorry i am.” he pulled you closer so that you were not facing his chest as he brushed the hair out of your face and rubbed your back soothingly. “i cant explain it y/n-chan, i mess up really badly sometimes and i don’t know why, all i know is that life isn’t the same without you in it, since i met you everything just seems brighter, like it’s all worth it.. no matter what i say to you i will always love you.”
you cried harder as you came to the realisation of how weak you were for him.
“you’re the only person i can’t bear to lose y/n-chan, you’re the most selfless person i know, please don’t ever walk out of my life, i’ll do better i promise.” a tear rolled down his own eye as he imagined how empty things would feel without you, he wondered where he would get the willpower to wake up everyday.
“you promise?” you looked up at him with tear stained eyes through those beautiful eyelashes of yours, and how could he not love you when you still looked so pretty even when you were crying over him.
“i promise.” he hugged you a little tighter, wanting to memorise this moment for everything that it is.
“then i’ll stay by your side forever tōru.” you smiled softly at the thought of the rest of your life with the boy you always intended to spend it with.
“and i’ll marry you one day y/n-chan.” that day you fell asleep in your boyfriends arms as he stroked your hair and coddled you with promises that you’d remember for decades.
what the two of you didn’t know was how iwaizumi sat in the gym, motionless with a pained expression on his face and a slow tear rolling down his cheek as he led the boy he’d loved since childhood right back into your arms as he always had. he even stayed cleaning up for the rest of the night before practicing how he would face the two of you in school the next day with a smile on his face. as long as his bestfriend was happy he told himself.
because oikawa was wrong about one thing, there was someone more selfless than you.
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carinyms · 3 years
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I've scrolled through a lot of discourse on episode 4 of Loki and I need to talk about it
(good lord its a whole essay im sorry)
I gave myself a headache from crying while watching this. (I joined the Loki fandom post-IW so I’ve never had to see him die before while emotionally invested and boy!!! Is it doing things to my fragile psyche!!). But now I’m rehydrated and more stable and ready to party so let’s go
Right off the bat, I loved this episode — loved it loved it loved it. Silly, manic in-shock Loki is gone and shit is getting real. My thought while watching this was truly “wow this is my favorite episode so far” and damn am I in a minority with this opinion lol.
So here’s my perspective on some of the discourse flying around, and just general thoughts
On the whole ‘Narcissist’ thing:
IMO, Mobius saying this means nothing: he’s mad and he’s spouted lies at Loki to push his buttons before (see: every interaction they’ve had since episode 1).
Loki saying this to Sif-- well, Loki is and always has been an unreliable narrator on himself. The major theme of this show is that he doesn’t really know who he is, deep down, and he’s trying to figure it out. The TVA is taking advantage of this, and even though he’s trying to stay above it all throughout the series, he's still in a really impressionable spot and absorbing what others tell him about himself. (not to mention this scene is literal torture and he’s already proven that he’ll say whatever he needs to to get out of it.)
But he does admit one true thing when he says “It’s because I’m scared of being alone.” (And like wow okay same don’t mind my tears) but here’s a big brain idea!
Sif pulls him up and says ‘You are alone, and you always will be’, which is like, WOW that’s cruel after what he said, but it makes me ask wonder: Sif is sentient in this scene, but obviously it’s not really her. Who’s controlling her? And why is it so important for them to make sure Loki thinks he’s alone? I’d go as far as to wager that Sif never even said this to Loki, the big bad made this up. (he admits he forgot about this ever happening, I doubt he’d remember what she said.)
I think the nexus event on Lamentis that caused the branch was two Loki’s joining sides. Or, Loki no longer being alone. Loki insists while talking to Mobius that “she’s not my partner!” but she was, and they were partners from the moment they grabbed hands on Lamentis — right when the timeline broke off. I think Loki variants teaming up is the biggest threat to whoever is pulling the strings here — that’s why the post-credit scene is so significant. (Is Loki the only person who has multiple variants of himself who've escaped the TVA?)
And here’s where I’m gonna get salty--so I apologize but i need to rant about this-- but it’s seriously pissing me off that so many people are intentionally reading this as Loki/Sylvie and then being mad about it when that’s clearly not what’s happening and why is everyone acting like Mobius with one angry jealous brain cell and no critical thinking about the context of the characters.
If people ship it that’s chill, but for the people who are against it—it’s clearly supposed to be platonic, and it’s so upsetting that in the year of our lord 2021 we still can’t have a man and woman hold hands without people saying it’s proof they want to f*ck each other, like what in the misogyny??? STOP. This show was written by a bi woman and Tom the-most-emotionally-sensitive-man-on-this-planet Hiddleston — let them display an intimate loving friendship goddammit. This isn’t romance, this is Loki learning how to admit he cares for someone who cares for him in return — something he hasn’t experienced a whole lot of and clearly doesn’t know how to navigate.
(You have permission to personally come at me if it actually turns out to be romantic by the end of the show—but as of right now I will die on this hill.)
Him putting his hands on her shoulders to me was a clear indication he wanted to hug her, and I’d like to think he would have told her he cares about her, and that they can figure it out together. Because these are two characters who’ve never had anyone else to rely on and trust, and for the first time they’re not alone.
And I have to think about what prompted this from Loki. He just lost Mobius the moment after he called him friend. The way I see it, he’s just realized the true gravity of what they’re up against, and Loki is suddenly very afraid of losing Sylvie too before he tells her cares about her, of dying truly alone because he never told anyone what they meant to him. (Don’t think about this in the context of him also having watched his entire family die knowing he never told Frigga or Thor how much he loved them either don’t think about it—) He’s realized, finally, that he has doesn’t have to be alone, that he can choose to be close to people and have friends. And god it’s so heartbreaking that he never got to hug her or have that moment with her. I really hope they get that in the end. I hope he gets it with Mobius. I hope they have a group hug. I'm upset again.
Okay, deep breath, ANYWAY.
Hopefully this didn’t come off as attacking anyone else’s opinions.
Personally, I love this character so much, I’m just so happy to be seeing him in his own storyline that they can’t go wrong here. Objectively I think the production is amazing, and personally I love they way Loki’s character has been explored so far. (Yea yea, was I HOPING that the bad-memory loop would morph into Sanctuary and Thanos and like a full exploration of his true worst memories? Yes but let’s be honest my whump needs will never be met in canon and I have to accept that lol.)
Honestly I left all my own meta about this character at the door when the series started, because for me the opinions I’ve formed from the hundreds of (amazing) fics and meta I’ve read on this character and what’s true in canon are basically inseparable at this point, and no portrayal is going to live up to the way Loki exists in my head. Canon Loki and fic Loki are two different characters and I can enjoy both at the same time :) I’ve just loved seeing the character get given the different dimensions he deserves, and written by people who care about his story.
Also, it’s not over! If he was dead and this was it I’d be very upset, but this is the rock bottom of the storyline, and I think the whole next two episodes will be the build back up. I trust it’s gonna be worth it. SO hyped for flaming sword Loki. I would die for Sylvie, but I’m excited to see him on his own again.
My current most pressing questions are:
-what was the fallout of Sylvie’s bombing the timeline? (Have we seen that yet, am I just dumb and missing something?)
-Obviously, who’s behind it all? (Kang? Is there a head honcho Very Evil Loki at the top?)
-How much does Ravonna actually know, and to what extent is she just a pawn too? She asked Sylvie to prune her— she’s probably also been duped here.
-Is everything we learned about the sacred timeline BS? How much of what the TVA workers believe is real?
-my favorite theory so far is that the war of the timelines miss minutes talks about hasn’t actually happened yet, maybe making setting that into motion is the true endgame, leading into Multiverse of Madness?
(Side note: holy HELL im so excited for this soundtrack to drop on Spotify. It’s SO AMAZING I had CHILLS in the end credits.)
Open invitation to discuss anything with me if you feel inclined! :)
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