#also why cant my brain focus on something else

[grey-has-rusted]

^me when i am a sensitive person

#ramblings #i hate feeling lonely #it literally hurts my heart #i have such a hard time forming connections both irl and online #idk how many times ive cried just this past month bc i felt lonely #and even when i am included in things im always an after thought #its been months but im still thinking about stupid christmas #i know the whole point isn't to get gifts #but i got one present. while i spent hundreds of dollars getting my family gifts #they even asked me what i wanted too #helped my cousin decorate for her christmas party and last minute i found out it was a secret santa #i got invited but was the only one not included in that #so yeah.... #i dont have anyone to celebrate holidays with #my birthday was sad #i cried then too #not looking forward to tomorrow either #and i try to make friends and talk to people #but i feel as though i always initiate #and nobody seems interested in talking to me #which... i dont expect everyone to like me #but it really does hurt and it makes wonder what's wrong with me #also why cant my brain focus on something else #like doing something productive #its been ages since ive drawn anything #ive just been sad. that's the whole post. #bye now

[bittwitchy]

see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place

#what i need is smthn for my anxiety and PROBABLY the obviously worsening ocd #but anxiety meds and antidepressants dont mix well #just like adhd meds and anything else dont mix well #which is why i just have a redbull if i need to focus bx it works for a few hours and then i pass out #which isnt healthy but its better than going through the diagnosis process AGAIN bc they dont have my info anymore #its early sad times rn w brina who hasnt gotten an ounce of treatment at all hi #see the other thing is #if i talk about my mental health at all #people will either hate me for being annoying which is what my brain will pinpoint #or feel sorry for me which i also dont want #all i rly wanna do is vent but thats never really an option at all #like yes i know its not normal to want to have a breakdown and cry bc your fucking pillow isnt the correct fluff and wont dluff #i know its not normal to feel like you should die because something wasnt in fhe spot you put it in and was moved slightly #im aware. and the reality is nobody who can do anything about it cares #i have to get an authorization to see a therapist or get meds at all even tho the card claims i dont have to #and the doc tbey gave me wont give me one #they dont allow email so i cant leave a paper trail when bitching at them and my calls go ignored #im losing my mind steadily #and thats not even onto the physical problems #but also the sheer fucking audacity of the website being all ‘oh just go to ERs and UC snd we’ll cover it’ vs hospitals specifically saying #‘we will refuse you if you have Gov Ins unless you have the money to pay out of pocket #if youre on gov insurance you dont have fucking money thats the entire fucking point. you creedy fucknuts go shove tour nepotism in your #fucking eyes and die if anyone doesnt deserve to fuck its you fuckfaces #sometimes i just want to scream esp when this doesnt seem to be most other ppls issues #but then i talk to other women and it is #it just doesnt make sense and i hate it #but i never rly got help on private insurance either so #tbd #depression cw

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hhhhh tomorrow i have to drive to another uni to build a chamber #this morning i drove like 11min down the road and that was enough to dislodge me halfway outside my body #i just. hate driving so much. its so fucking stressful #and im also worried the chamber isnt gonna come together with what we have #and i dont wanna drive down there again #oh god. i need to chill out so i can sleep tonight #it just stresses me out so much. anytime i have to drive i just become absolutely certain that im gonna get into an accident #or that ill get distracted and cause a crash #why cant we have a working train system in this fucking country. i wanna go back to the uk. where its more manageable to not have a car #when i think abt driving my brain just sends me images of destruction #i also get it to a lesser extent when im a passenger #like i have to sit exactly as ur supposed to in a seat or else i just get horrible imaginings of my limbs being crushed or whatever #god. i just hate it so much. i have a fragile mind. i was not constructed with the mental fortitude to drive #at least i dont get so many intrusive thoughts abt like flipping rhe steering wheel anymore. bc that sucked #hopefully i dont show up in tears but usually i cry at least once when i have to drive someone #so im gonna look unhinged when i drop off all the equipment. whatever ill wear sunglasses #how is it possible some ppl enjoy driving? i dont understand. i dont want that kind of power in my hands #i dont trust myself not to get someone killed. like that's prob my ultimate fear. getting in a crash caused by my brain not being able to #focus and then i kill a happy family of 5 or something and i just have to live with it #it just makes me so upset. which is why ive been avoiding this for literally months. #ugh. whatever i have to do it. and then itll be over. as my mum would say: itll b good for me #i just have to freak out abt it for a while #unrelated

[snekdood]

i really try to understand why my fellow progressives are so avoidant of actually introspecting on why they think its still cool to bully. im sorry but thats just an inherently conservative thing to want to do.

#ive had to actually introspect about it. i was never really a bully fr but i did. like everyone else. have judgemental thoughts about ppl #still. and i really had to ask myself. why does it matter that EYE judge this person? 1. im holding my own opinion of this other random #person i probably dont know as being the most important opinion when its like. who tf am i. 2. wtf did this person MORALLY do wrong #to deserve me internally insulting them for how they look or dress or whatever. and even if its someone whos a conservative. #how does me judging that person make the entire situation better at all? it really only just. makes me feel better about the lack of #power i have over that person to not be a dipshit. thats really it #insulting them isnt going to change their mind and LIKE IVE SAID A MILLION TIMES will ONLY make them dig their heels in more #im not saying go up to your local rwinger and give them a hug and validate them or whatever tf. thats not your job. all im asking is simply #shut your brain the entire fuck up when it wants to judge someone for something that they cant control or is morally neutral #charlie kirk having a small face is morally neutral. his politics? not so much! attack that. at least. #(not that the memes aren't funny- but we cant fool ourselves into thinking bullying him is gonna change him or his fans) #i just wanna know why you think your opinion on how someone looks or dresses or whatever is that important is all #the best motto anyone can adopt really is 'MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS' ffs #your opinion on their appearance really doesnt matter like at all! instead of feeling the urge to have an opinion on the way they look #simply let some things ~be~. have 0 opinion about how they look or if theyre weird and awkward. focus on the shit that ACTUALLY matters #you dont always have to sort things in boxes of 'good' and 'bad'. some things can just exist without you labeling them. #and also why do you NEED to label everything and who are you and why do you think your label is important enough to vocalize? #anyways. #and im not gonna act like ive been perfect about this but this is work that we're always gonna hafta do so long as we live in a #susciety that places value on other people and labels them on whether or not theyre good enough for whatever thing #competition outside of friendly sportsball will always be bad change my mind #if the sportsball gets to be unfriendly and too intense to the point that you hate someone you need to fuckin chill and leave the event #lmao. like you've gotta go and take a shower and think for a bit instead of continuing to funnel your rage into ppl who dont deserve it :| #i wanna be clear tho i dont think theres anything morally wrong w making fun of charlie kirk for how he looks. just recognize the reason ur #doing it. bc ur not doing it bc ur someone crusading against misinfo or whatever ur doing it bc u dont know how to convince #him to stop and are throwing spaghetti at the wall

[myymi]

ohh if you can i would appreciate some tips!! honestly writers are so admirable we dont give yall enough credit🙏🙏🙏

well, for me to give you the absolute best tips i can to help out, i need to know what exactly you're struggling with when it comes to writing. there are about a million different tips i can give you for about a million different things and some of those tips will be completely useless to you

for now though, i'll give you the things that help me getting into a writing mood + general tips i give to new writers and if you still need further help you can explain what exactly you're struggling with and ill do my best to help out;

1) whatever you learned about formatting essays; forget it.

a common thing i see in new writers is they try to write it like an essay. which isn't a bad idea really, but it is restricting. your paragraphs don't have to be four or more sentences. they can only be one if you want. it's your story, format it however you want. you don't need to follow rules

2) listening to music

this is mostly for when you have that one specific scene in your head but have no idea what to do for the rest of the fic. listening to music and connecting the lyrics to the characters you're using is a great way to get your mind thinking. one song can give you several different ideas depending on how you interpret it

3) make sure you are in a good mood

personally, i cannot write to save my life if im upset or just generally having a bad day. i know some people can use creating as a way to cheer themselves up, but it just doesn't work out for me lol

4) if you don't need background noise, don't use it

it's pretty easy to get distracted when writing, especially when you have something new playing. if you do need background noise of some kind, i would advise playing instrumental music or that one movie/show that you've seen a thousand times and could quote in your sleep. keep your focus on your writing

5) brackets will be your best fucking friend when writing

one of the most important things about writing is keeping your flow going. if you find yourself writing sentence after sentence for a good while and then you suddenly hit a stop because you don't know how to word what happens next; throw it in brackets and write the scene after it. its the same reason why you're told to skip questions you get stuck on when taking a test. let your brain do what it knows it can and come back to the tricky stuff later.

6) you don't have to write anything in order

you don't have to write a story exactly start to finish. you can jump between any scene you'd like and find out how to connect it to a different scene another time. this kinda ties into the last tip in the sense that you gotta let your brain do what it knows. if you only know the beginning and the end then write those first and figure out the rest as you go. if you need to edit either one of the previous things then that's okay. there's no shame in changing things around, it's just how creating things go. sometimes change is needed

7) writing prompts

for new writers, i like to tell them to find a prompt online to write a story for before they start their own. using a prompt someone else made keeps your brain from getting overwhelmed, allowing you to focus more on finding a writing style that works best for you. using writing prompts also lets your brain find ways to contribute to a story without having it make everything while also figuring out how to put it on paper. it's easy to overwhelm the brain, so let it get used to writing before you start creating your own ideas. (this is also something i advise to people who experience burnout or just cant think of anything to write. your brain just needs a break from creating ideas right now, go and find a prompt for it)

8) word count

listen to me because this is so important; ignore the word count. you need to focus on learning, not how much you're writing. it doesn't matter if you only wrote 50 words when other people have fics well over 50k. ignore it. you are learning, you'll get there eventually. if you focus too much on how much you're writing you're going to stress yourself out and ultimately drive yourself away from ever writing again. treat word counts as milestones. start with 50, then 100, then 150, then 200, etc. let yourself work towards it slowly rather than push yourself too hard right out the gate. you can't expect to draw the mona lisa the first time you put a pencil to a paper, so don't expect to write thousands of words the first time you write a story. it'll take time, and that's perfectly okay.

9) analyze the shit out of your characters

this is easier when writing fanfiction, but take a few hours to learn your characters. find the content they're in and hyper-focus on what they're doing. pay attention to their speech patterns, their body language, their relationships with others, etc. if they're not in a scene, try to imagine they are and what'd they do and/or say if they were. it'll help out with keeping them in character when writing

10) if you get to a point where you can't write anymore even when using brackets; stop writing for the day

we have our limits. you will get to a point where you can't get another word down and that's okay. it doesn't matter if you've only written a handful of words, close your program and wait until you feel motivation hit you again. if you keep trying to force yourself to write when you just can't then you're going to burn yourself out. the most probable reason for this is writer's block, which means you need to focus on other things for a while. give your brain time to recollect itself. it's annoying, i know, but it's better for you if you just let your brain do what it needs to. it knows how to take care of itself, so let it.

i also have a tag i use whenever i give tips, so you can check those out as well to see if anything helps! it's just writing tips

#if these end up not helping you that is okay #everyone is different #what works for me wont always work for you #mess around with it until something does work #just remember not to push yourself too hard #learning takes time. don't rush it #writing things #writing asks #writing tips #anon #anonymous #anon ask

[a-sip-of-milo]

hi its uhhhhh research to i think i have bpd pipeline person here. idk how else to identify myself because i dont feel comfortable making myself public.

ive been intending to do more research into bpd but its like. hard and not because its hard to find resources, i found stuff on youtube, but its hard to sit down and watch it because its not entertaining enough to put my full attention on, so my mind was wandering and then i wasnt taking in information. and i dont know what to do sob. i only actually watched one video bc i know that other videos are going to be boring to me and that im not going to take in information bc i cant focus.

it was a video about what it was like living w quiet bpd and from the little i remember i was like “yep. sounds like me.” (even tho for the most part i literally cannot remember the video) and when i look at the 9 symptoms, theres 4 i can confidently say i experience, and 4 others that are a maybe, but my memory is shit so i can’t accurately tell by myself which of those symptoms i actually experience.

everytime i think abt having bpd i get upset, but i cant tell if its coming from the root of ableism(?) that me being upset about having disorders usually comes from (wanting to be “normal”) or if its coming from the root of ableism that was people with bpd/npd are inherently bad

i also think i have a favourite person. by think i mean putting the pieces together from other people talking about their favourite people from asks you answer made me realize “oh so thats why im so infatuated by this person and it’s not just being closer to them than my other friends”

Hey! I also find it incredibly difficult to sit through informative videos, so you're not alone there. There's also the issue of "am I going to sit through this entire video just to figure out that it's rooted in ableism" that stops me from getting through them. I prefer written stuff!

When it comes to the internalised ableism (also completely valid, that's not just a personality disorder issue), it could very well be a combination of both. Not only does this mean you're not "normal" anymore, but the disorder that's causing it is something that is often considered inherently bad. That can be a scary realisation to make.

I feel like i've said this before, but you don't need to rush into it. You could be struggling so much with doing research and absorbing information on the subject because your brain has yet to accept that it's okay. This can take time, and the best thing you can do if that's the case is to take a step back from the overwhelming amount of information there is to take in and work on breaking that pattern of thinking, however hard it may be.

Try positive affirmations with yourself. If you happen to recognise a particular kind of behaviour that stems from your BPD, acknowledge that, tell yourself that it's okay and move on. Think about what you'd say to another person who was struggling with the things you're experiencing. Just be kind to yourself.

Don't force yourself to do something that you're not ready for. In the end, it will only make you resent the possibility of having BPD even more and that is far less constructive.

I hope this helps, but also please don't fret if it doesn't or hesitate to tell me that i'm just rambling for no reason/you're not looking for advice. I won't be offended /gen /nm /lh

#ask #bpd #bpd safe #cluster b #cluster b safe #tw internalised ableism

[suffarustuffaru]

✨

Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

AA this is the last fic writer ask question fr :o again it took me a while to get to all of them pfft but i appreciate them a lot!! this question especially is really sweet wkdndn but yes!! and hope anyone reading my answers to these questions found it interesting at least pfft

hmm…. compliment….. im a MAJOR stickler for detail :O i literally cant turn my brain off i have to get EVERY detail i can right whenever possible wjdnd. not that im always right bc im very much not but i try very hard to be!! and i absolutely adore trying to put a lot of detail and nuance into things in my work esp since i focus on characters mental thought process so much hah. i try very hard to do a lot (or at least i consider it a lot widjdj) of research :o for example i wanted to write astrea fic so i devoured every heinkel and reinhard related side story possible and now they give me intense brainrot. cries. since i write a lot of character study i HAVE to look at everything possible before i finish a fic or ill cry inside if i miss one (1) detail i couldve taken into account hah. so i do think im a hard working writer :o !! analyzing things for fun especially when i admire a work of fiction runs in my blood wjdnd it just Happens. i try my best!!

as for um. that one crack treated seriously gluttony if fic i did once (selfcest…). is it accurate to who gluttonybaru is as a character? no in the sense that hes written purposefully in that fic to be like. pushed to his Most Extreme. but also i did try to at least be kind of accurate bc. i combed through SO MUCH of arc 6 and the gluttony if to write him fr 😭😭 there was TOO MUCH analysis in that fic thats why its got a novel length wordcount HAH. hes always had a hate love relationship with “natsuki subaru”….

uhhh uhhh oh yeah something else vaguely related to this that just came to mind—for example my multichap pride otto fic has me like really wracking my brain bc pride otto has screentime for exactly 0.2 seconds (im totally good at math) so its like. i wanted to like analyze how he most likely thinks and what sort of behaviors he has and how hed even react in All the new shenanigans im putting him in. but im also working off of 0.2 seconds of screentime so i had to also go and look at how main otto thinks and try to make Many Educated Guesses on how otto goes from point a (main otto pre-meeting subaru) to point b (the otto we see in pride if). which is something i do every time i focus on an if character in general anyway HAH bc i think it gets easier to understand if versions of characters, no matter how different they seem from their main route selves, once you examine who their base character is and THEN you look at the if events and how its warped them away from their base character. if that makes sense. i think its really fun hah.

i also recognize though that it wouldve been maybe Easier to make pride otto in my fic a little more. dead inside. empty. bc i know that ive been writing a lot of his anger and irritation hah. and it wouldve made sense for him to be a little more tired kind of dead inside in his internal dialogue!!! but i figured that i might as well go a little differently with it to yes maybe subvert expectations a little bit (and bc. ok after arc 8 Confirming Many Things About Otto, no way pride otto wasnt angry at some point. fr.) but also bc. you know when a person whos been in a traumatic situation they couldnt escape for so long is forced to change themselves to survive? if that person manages to finally escape its like. now they gotta try and unlearn any trauma related lessons theyve learned now that the danger is over bc what helped them survive is now maladaptive bc the danger is Over. thats kind of how i approached the fic fr T^T but also i try so hard to write pride otto as the jaded ass he definitely is. theres so much jades in him for sure. (this sentence totally makes sense.)

oh!!! uh uh one small detail with pride otto—when characters have titles, he will almost Always call them by their title in both internal and external dialogue. reinhard is sword saint and julius is the greatest/finest knight and felix is blue, etc etc. otto is well. 1. emotionally constipated 2. distant from others 3. Going Out of His Way to distance himself from others 4. hes very fixated on power and hierarchy and 5. he is Very aware of the role hes played in crushing each knight in the knight trio. main otto Absolutely feels guilt even as hes being ruthless. i figured pride otto likely at least Used to feel guilty. if hes not still guilty deep down.

#ask #this. answer turned out way longer than i thought oops but then i started blabbering about analysis things. im a nerd HAH a massive massive #nerd #yeah i like analyzing if characters fr!!! so fun seeing how they changed over time…. #its also a fun challenge bc when u read the if most of them are like. ok aside from the greed if ln that actually goes into detail how #subaru changes over time so its like you know more gradual. with many of the other ifs we see him post-drastic change from main route so u #kinda have to connect the dots?? its fascinating!!! and if u dont look closely u could be confused on How characters changed so much. but it #makes sense once u squint a bit methinks. #gotta love pride if otto fr. ottos always been an edgy bitch pride if ottos just open about it with his black suit and dead inside charm #ALSO I STILL HAVE TO FINISH THE EX NOVELS IM WORKING ON THEM SLOWLY OK I GOT TWO DOWN GOT A FEW MORE TO GO

[taikanyohou]

Faiza I love your VP thoughts 😍 what are your wishes for the last two epis for VP?

haley!!! hi hi hiiiiiii my love!!!!

aaaah what are MY wishes? ok so if you're giving me a chance to share what i personally would Love to see happen, then here goes! and i'm gonna be as wild and as dark as i wanna be here!

for vegaspete to talk about vegas' mum, vegas' dad's homophobia towards vegas, and for pete to talk about his childhood/life before he became a bodyguard.

for vegaspete to talk about what ifs - what if vegas wasnt born in the second family, as a mafia, or if pete wasnt a bodyguard, how different would life have been and what their own hopes and dreams are/would have been.

for vegaspete to fuck a few more times in the safehouse - and allllll the kisses please!!!

for vegas' dad to find out that vegas has in fact not killed pete, and for vegas to release pete and tell him to leave otherwise his dad Will Kill Him.

for vegas and macau to have a proper heart to heart, about their brotherhood, their parents, and about vegaspete and for vegas to confide in macau about all these feelings, this heaviness in him, and what pete means to him.

for pete and vegas to go absolutely numb with the feeling. like. they just zone out once they return Home and cannot focus on or think about anything else but each other and how utterly shit All Of This .... being away from one another ... feels like. distance makes the heart grow fonder, right? so i WANT them to MISS each other. be lost without one another. if that means smashing tabletops or breaking down ugly crying, THEN SO BE IT.

so there's this shot in the why dont you stay mv of pete, where he Literally looks like he's dressed like vegas and it looks like he's at the club??? and he looks Sad???? so. here's what i want. i want all the bodyguards and khun to go out to the club for a night out, to cheer pete up also bc recently he's been looking Mega Glum. so they're at the club, and pete just ISNT feeling it. he looks up and .... there he is. he would recognise his silhouette anywhere. its etched into his memory its ingrained in his brain. vegas is at the back of club hidden away, leaning against the walls near a back door, and all he's doing is STARING RIGHT BACK at pete. and he walks out of the door and pete just ... drops EVERYTHING and goes and follows vegas out until they're in some backstreet or alley and they KISS. they FUCK. and its SO desperate and they're so needy and they cant GET THEIR HANDS OFF EACH OTHER and they're just CHANTING each other's name and vegas smirks and comments on how pete is dressed like him and pete just cuts the bullshit out and goes straight for the jugular and says to him how much he fucking misses him, misses his hands and his mouth on him. yeah they just ... have some real rough hot dirty sex. and that makes them both realise that no. it wasnt just because they were both locked in the safehouse that made them want each other. even outside of it, in the Real World, they want each other just as bad.

and in the final showdown? yeah. vegas has got all the ammunition he needs. he Knows pete wants to be with him now, so what has vegas got to lose? he just storms in dressed in his suit and unleashes absolute HELL. MAYHEM. CARNAGE. he is dressed to kill anyone and everyone for his man.

until its his dad. and he cant. vegas CANT. and he's got all the ammunition to do so but his hands are shaking whilst he holds the gun to his dad's face. so pete takes the gun and kills him instead.

and from there, pete tells kinn he wont be working for him anymore. that this would be the last time ever he killed for him. and he holds vegas' hand and walks the both of them out of there, and they go home. the second family's home. vegas and pete and macau's home. a real, safe, proper home that bleeds love. and they make something beautiful out of it.

#faiza answers #vegaspete #of course none of this will happen BUT. yeah. these are /MY/ wishes.

[heliianth]

What do u think about the read that HTTYD3 is a story about being happy that something happened instead of mourning it being over? I'm not the last anon to send u a HTTYD ask but I also want to talk, haha

i gensrs love that ppl like talking to me abt this bc my opinions are STRONG and my brain is CRANKED on httyd rn. thats why ive been so inactive ive literally just been on that hyperfixation grind

this is an interesting perspective but imo is also just ripped off by the poor plot. a movie with that message couldve been really, really touching but httyd3 doesnt utilize Hiccup and Toothless' connection at ALL so a focus like that is totally lost on me even with u pointing it out. not only is Toothless wildly out of character (httyd1-gotnf Toothless come back my babycat) but the villain isnt Bad enough to.... idfk. enable the message? hes really nothing worse than whats already canonically gone on with Drago and Viggo and Krogan—i mean, the death grippers arent even the first enemy dragons theyve fought against? just the hardest? supposedly he killed all the night furies but thats all shittalk.

and even then u cannot tell me they werent trying to weasel out of just killing motherfuckers. Toothless couldve point-blank mouth-lasered them AND Grimmel at multiple moments but they made him play stupid games so the villain could win stupid prizes. not to be petty but httyd1 Toothless wouldve beat ASS the second his little guy was in danger. its not even like the second movie where Hiccup was hellbent on pacifism. there was no reason the conflict with Grimmel warranted a message (or at least an attempt at it) like that—i can't buy the "be happy that it happened not sad that its over" message bc theres no Reason for it to be over. Theres No Narrative Justification For It. i cant read it as anything else than a comment on "fruitless peacemongering" bc thats what the audience is lectured abt at the end

talk to me more tho i love blabbing abt this franchise its my tiny child and i think abt it 24/7 nowadays

#httyd

[the-kipsabian]

for the fanfic asks: 1, 8, 13, 20, 23, 25, 29, 43, 46, 72, 79 💚

1. Do you daydream a lot before you write, or go for it as soon as the ideas strike? most fics come to me in forms of dreaming while im trying to sleep, so yes. the one good thing about insomnia currently is that i get to rotate so many blorbos and scenarios in my head that i have a lot of content to write lol

8. Post an out-of-context spoiler from a wip. i have like. one current wip in docs that i might work on again at some point so here. technically its not a spoiler since its the whole premise of the fic buuuut

13. Do you listen to music while you write?  If yes, what have you been listening to recently? pretty much always? i focus better when i have matching vibes, unless im having a sensory moment but usually then i cant really write either honestly. "puppet master" is my current playlist on loop, its just my two kip playlists combined into one to fit the mood of immortal fears lol

20. Do you prefer writing AUs or canon fics? pretty much all my stuff in canon divergent on some level honestly, so i guess aus? not in a very obvious sense of aus but yeah. tho i do love me some extra sad aus too, post apocalyptic aus my beloved.....

23. Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest? middle part is the easiest, ending is the hardest cause i either never know when to end a story or how to end a story like. i want to have that final impact and sometimes its so hard to pinpoint where that should be. middle is just a good flow usually if i get that far and thats where all the good ideas usually happen so its my favorite <3

25. What’s your favorite part of the writing process (worldbuilding, brainstorming/outlining, writing, editing, etc)? probably the writing itself. like i can have a shit ton of good, even great ideas while brainstorming or outlining things, but usually the biggest things happen while im actually putting the words down. i really enjoy it when the story just flows and how it comes together. also i have discovered i absolutely loathe the editing part LOL

29. What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of? personally i think i can bring emotions to life really well. be it happy or sad (mostly sad tho i love my sad depressed uncomfortable bitches), i feel like i have the words for them that fit

43. Is there a trope or idea that you’d really like to write but haven’t yet? hmmmmm i dont really know? i mean i have plenty of ideas sitting in my drafts and in my brain and stuff, but i dont really think i have a lot that i absolutely NEED to write. maybe that one bunnelope fic i wanted to do about a love potion gone wrong cause girls need to be gay or something

46. If you could only write one type of AU for the rest of your life, what would it be? once again - post apocalyptic au my beloved. anything that takes place "after the world ends" in one way or another is my shit. gimme all the post apocalyptic hell i crave for

72. What’s your favorite writing compliment you’ve gotten? basically every time someone says i nailed a character im writing for the first time. cause i take a lot of pride and put in the effort to try to give them each their own voice and i study my materials and yeah. ..hence also why im so hesitant so often to write about new people cause i am a perfectionist when it comes to characterization especially ajksdnkjasd

79. Do you have any writing advice you want to share? this we discovered last week to be a really functional advice so: if you dont know how to start writing a scene, put someone in a room. make them enter a space, and start from there - why are they there, who else is there, what is their purpose in that space, what is that space?

also first drafts dont need to be perfect, everything can be edited in post, even after you post the thing if youre planning on doing so. hell some published novels have typos in them, let alone nonsensical writing and storylines. you dont need to be perfect, as long as you are writing

and obviously you are your own audience first and foremost. write for yourself yo fuck the rest (unless the rest are into it too then thats great but you should still write for yourself first and consider everything else second lol)

fanfic writing asks ~

#thank you for asking! <3 #midnightpretenders0 #i think thats everything im hungy i cant think lol #thank you bugs ily <33

[what-if-nct]

HI TODAY'S REMINDER IS PHANTOM!!!!! ok strap in this is gonna go on for a bit

1. the OPULENCE. the DIAMONDS, the chandeliers, the beating heart tied up in golden chains god it was a visual feast and that's before I've even gotten to the members, which

2. THEY LOOK SO FUCKING GOOD. Hendery??? Xiaojun????? Kun with those fucking red contacts staring straight into my soul???????? there's so many to pick from but the black outfits? yummy. all of them all at once please

3. the SONG omg i missed wayv title tracks so muchhhhhhhhhhh ughhh i love how grandiose it sounds while still being so current which tbh is a line wayv title tracks always ride perfectly (people say kickback wasn't all that and yeah it's not my favourite but it's still really fucking good). also WHEN did Winwin's voice get that deep??? and Hendery, sir? Yangyang at least warned us in rain day, but the other two… once again: yummy

4. I'm sure someone smarter than me will analyse the music video properly and tell me what's actually going on but the one thing i did notice was the set with the black outfits changing in the second half with the chandelier falling and the statues broken and the ground falling in and I'm sure that means something but my brain could only focus on how fucking hot i find them dancing among ruin

5. they're… they're actually back. like for real for real. like there's a song and an album (which i will listen to tomorrow but I'm v much looking forward to). there was a stage? which by the way. also extremely hot. i love how much puppet imagery there is in the choreo, it ties in very well with what little i understood of the lyrics. which, don't get me wrong, i love their music, but their lyrics do read a lot like a theology comprehension text and I'm not always up to the task.

i just. fucking love them so much. and this song. I've been falling off nct slowly these past few months but… they really just proved why they were the unit that got me hooked in the first place. can you believe we survived the drought? we really made it all the way through. good job us

Hiii, I've said this before and I'll say this again out of all of the NCT universes Wayv gets the absolute best styling,concepts, and songs. Nothing against dream or 127 I love them all equally but Wayv has had way less misses with title tracks then 127. I just cant accept 2baddies. I can't. It has not grown on me.

But seriously they look amazing it's still giving Vampire princes and I love it. And the song like it sounds like a Wayv song but kind of matured and refined in a way. Yangyang's voice surprised me but luckily we found out he has the range and I love when he switches it back to his natural voice. And Hendery and Winwin normally have deep voices but like it sounded so much deeper I could feel it in the depths of my uterus. And only Felix's rap in victory song has ever done that. Like it just was so good then Xiaojun and Ten off setting the depth with their higher voices and Xiaojun's high notes will always hit the spot every single time and Kun's mid tempo voice kind of melds it all together. Like they finally returned to us after years they've done it.

No I feel you with Stray Kids pulling me by my ankles I also felt myself slipping from NCT but Wayv really just came in and was like not on our watch. And I can't wait to see them promote fully after two years. They deserve all of our love and support. Now to listen to the album while shopping for lingerie because what else are you supposed to do while listening to a Wayv album

[sebbyisland]

mob psycho ep 9 + 10 + 11 live reaction here we go

i'm going to be annoying!!! because i'm excited and this is my treat to myself after a very hellish 3 weeks!!!

i just wanna say i love when the op is like "DISTORTION" and you hear here the guitar distortion aahgfdl;skj

this part reminds me of when all the dead characters from Gurren Lagann came back to cheer on the protag and the guy in the focus of the frame was the protag's older bro figure. cries. ugh shit like this is why i love Shonen T__T

ugh i wanna draw this so bad

OH MY GOD LOOK AT HIM STANDING WITH HIS LIL BOUQUET OHHHH THE BOY THE MOST BOY EVER AHHH

[yes i know what's about to happen im so. I'm so not okay]

UGH HE'S GROWN SO MUCH. THESE EYES ARE FILLED WITH KINDNESS AND LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP IM GOING TO LOSE MY MIND

CRYING. SHAKING. THROWING UP. TOSSING MY DEVICE OUT THE WINDOW. AHHSDHGFEHHREJWEWRHIGE: THE SCORE IN THIS SCENE IS SO SOMBER AND TRAGIC LIKE IT RLLY EMPHASIZES THE EMOTION MORE THAN THE ACTION OH MY GOD BECAUSE HE'S SAD!!!! MOB IS IN PAIN TERU IS IN PAINNN OHHHH

THIS WAS SUCH AN INTERESTING ART DIRECTION LIKE IT'S NOT CONFIRMED BY HEAVILY IMPLIED THAT TERU IS THAT STRAY dask FALLING FROM THE CLOUD OF IMPACT??????????? OH my god.

i really really really REALLY LOVE THE SOUNDTRACK FROM THIS EPISODE I DEF NEED TO FIND IT LATER! It does such a good job taking us through Teru's whole emotional journey ugh

YOU'RE DOING GREAT BBY IM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!

also lol did anyone make "yeet" memes about when Teru got tossed like a ragdoll or are we too cool for yeet memes now

i knew bones would pull through but ahhhhh Mob gradually losing his human form has been really cool to see animated <3

the animation for this episode is so insane like if gurren lagann actually had a budget. sorry for constantly comparing to gurren lagann but like. pls if you are reading this PLEASE WATCH GURREN LAGANN I PROMISE IF U LIKE MOB PSYCHO 100 OR MY HERO ACADEMIA OR CHAINSAW OR ANY OTHER THING I SCREAM ABOUT ON THIS BLOG. YOU WILL LIKE GURREN LAGANN. anyways.

The performance in ep 10....absolutely stunning from every possible angle...down to everything..this episode..the pacing...the voicE ACTING UGH.....wow... WOW!!! AMAZING!!!! I'm probably really bias because i emotionally love this part in the story but haha yeah....yeahh i love ep 10.

Ritsu once again the only one with brain cells and puts together what's going on SO quick cause even though he doesn't "understand" his brother he knows his brother like no one else. i'm never not emo about Ritsu. i love Ristu and Mob's relationship. ugh ugh ugh

the opening to s3 is so wild i notice something new every time i watch it. love that. reminds me of s1 <3

OH IM SO GLAD THEY KEPT HIS EXPRESSION FROM THE MANGA HERE

aw i like the detail that Ritsu left his coat for Teru......

lol they censored the fact Kageyama's friend almost got totally stabbed through a vital point by replacing the rod with a flat surface

i cant fucking DO THIS ANYMORE

wow i don't even have the energy to liveblog this episode it's so amazing and gorgeous and creative and emotional it's everything everything everything

good night! time to see if i manage to brainstorm a decent fanart idea

also i just want to say i really love reading the animation breakdown analysis over here for each episode, it's been really funny and i highly recommend!

#mp100 #seb out

[brad-bakshi-loves-bugs]

oh my gosh, did you just say you roleplay in your room?? dude (gender neutral)!! that’s so smart. and also really cute..:)

you talked about having ADHD. i’ve been having some trouble lately and i was wondering what it looks like for you? just to get an idea wether i might need to check it out or not.

thank you, i think...? this is the strangest ask ive ever received but i think being called cute is a compliment LMAO so ty

so like. adhd looks different in everyone it affects, and i always recommend reaching out to a psychiatrist or even just your physician if you suspect you might have some Fucky Stuff going on with your brain! i was diagnosed with adhd when i was 10 which is pretty telling for how severe mine is because they dont usually diagnose afab kids that young LMAO but again. everyone is different!

HOWEVER i will start this off by saying that i also have severe bipolar 1, which has a lot of overlapping symptoms with adhd. im not a psychiatrist, a psychologist, or a therapist (or any other -ist), and i couldnt tell you which of my Problems are adhd and which are bipolar. so here's your disclaimer to please not use me as the deciding factor for whether or not you have adhd! my adhd personally is life-altering and essentially ruined my childhood for various reasons, and it's still something i struggle with daily. not every case is so severe (most aren't, in fact), so take everything i say with a grain of salt!

but here's a list of things i attribute to my adhd, which is very far from a complete list, but it's what i can think of off the top of my head:

i HATE silence. whenever im doing anything i have to be playing music or listening to something or i cant focus at all, but it also cant be New Music or ill just get distracted and not be able to focus

on the flip side, i also cant fully concentrate if i have any sort of noise. so if im trying to have a serious conversation that requires my full attention, i have to turn off all music and essentially block my ears so that i can focus. no i dont know why but its SO FUCKING ANNOYING

i alternate between skipping every song halfway through because i get bored quicker than a song can finish or listening to the same song for 6 hours on loop and still wanting to listen to more of it. seriously, i listened to rockstar sea shanty by nickelback almost 400 times this year alone, and i only just discovered it in august

when i hyperfixate, i cannot do ANYTHING else or i get massively depressed and lose all motivation. i ended up in a psych ward back in october because the thought of doing my (easy and otherwise enjoyable) job made me self-harm because i was hyperfocused on watching a specific show and i couldnt do ANYTHING else. im a terrible employee

time management? not here! im late to EVERY SINGLE THING. i had an interview yesterday and i was late by 15 minutes. when i was working at petsmart, i can count on both hands the number of times i showed up to work on time in an ENTIRE YEAR. i have no idea why im like this and i hate it

i pace. a LOT. like, i spend several hours a day pacing. i literally just walk around my kitchen and living room and bedroom aimlessly. im like an npc, but instead of giving you helpful tips i just give you really shitty one liners and puns until you beat me to death

if im not pacing, im doing SOMETHING. whether im biting my nails, popping my knuckles, bouncing my leg, bobbing my head, anything. its physically impossible for me to sit still. like right now, im sitting at my desk typing on my keyboard, but im also shaking my legs violently and bobbing my head to the music im currently playing (it's hicktown by jason aldean. yeah, i enjoy country music. im a redneck sorry)

i SUCK at multitasking. like, even just listening to something and writing. or listening to someone and watching tv. or listening to two things at once. okay, so im starting to think im just really bad at listening. but STILL. my mom can work and watch tv at the same time, but if i try to do that i just end up watching tv and i cant get anything done. i absolutely cannot concentrate if two things are happening at once

i cant watch movies. i literally spend more time rewinding and playing back whatever i missed while i was checking my phone than i do actually watching the movie. im the same way with tv shows unless im hyperfixated on them, but at least theyre shorter so i can take more breaks

again, this is not a complete list. nor does this mean that if you check all of these boxes then you also have adhd, or that if you dont check them then you dont. i cannot stress enough that adhd affects every person differently. thats why its such a bitch to diagnose, and why the symptoms overlap with so many other illnesses and disorders.

i do hope that some of this helped! i have no issues with talking about my own mental problems because im a very firm believer that they should be destigmatized and more often talked about publicly, but i try to limit how often i bring up my own issues unless someone directly asks about them because i know not everyone wants to hear about them and that's fine too!

#not mq #asks answered #mental illness #<- thats the tag im gonna use in case i make any future posts exclusively about my own mental Problems so feel free to blacklist #also sorry for rambling so much. thats another classic adhd symptom LMAO #words cannot limit me #whoops!

[giuliano-fan-account]

4 am Giuliano  juliano hxh Post izugiuli

Help I just read chapter 400 and unofficial translation ofc  but Guys its GIULIANO (wham smack pow dies) 

Some Mild spoiler up ahead + pprobably long Post LOL!  help Idk why my stomach hurts im probably hungry 

he looks alive and well and actually well he may have More Time before all hell breaks loose in room 1006. Because as much as I want to believe and kind of hope for there beginning to be a positive outcome I am Doubting it

Izunavi seems to actually be considering some things giuliano said about the book of Tyson or Taithon and yay now were getting more exposition for Tyson as well

Hes Got a good idea for a less... bloody outcome of the war and you can conclude from that hes beginning to hear Tyson out from his tohughts on it but Izu Do you even know the extent of the beast?? No!!! Nobody does PLEASE WAIT 

And also im just thinking shouldnt Giuli and Izu be teaching the other people nen because none of them went to kurapikas class . What will Tyson do with Nen 

Tyson reminds me of Akhenaten and I think she’s the reason why I was so entranced by Our book “Akhenaten: Dweller in Truth” or wtv in english last year.

If you dont know, He was a Pharaoh who had been so odd and shunned by everyone and pushed his beliefs of monotheism but he was Very very peaceful and forgiving and insisted that the power of love would prevail. He would say these exact words (in the second speech bubble):

I cant make this up!!!!!

Idk how historically accurate that book was, but gosh I loved comparing Akhenaten to Tyson so much in that book. 

Also like. unrelated but At least in this unofficial translation whats up with tysons pronounce Like I think what this now implies is that Tysons siblings use He and everybody else uses she bc of 1 time where Tserriednich used He and also this guy

Yea idek Im #siked to get more focus from room 1006 for ovbious reasons

Im glad to see that giuli retains his personality even though his brain chemistry has been altered slightly to be more Tyson oriented. But god I am still kind of convinced he’s doomed bc of whatever the hail that “taboo” is.

I think that the taboo is like actively harming the other princes in any way and the way that the room 1006 plot seems to be heading Giuliano and Izunavi since they are hunter bodyguards and are more knowledgeable about Nen and its huge significance in the war and stuff could maybe plot something against other Princes...

Uh oh! So since Giuliano has read the book over and over again probably he will definitely get the worst of whatever consequences there are in store for him, and also Izu is p much protected since as far as we know he hasn't even read past “Chapter One: Love Will Always Prevail” 

Oh boy wel whatever...... 

Giuliano New chapter now 

They are roleplaying and he accidentally breaks the immersion. 

I cant believe that they just straight up used the term “Roleplay” hes just like me fr but anyways Tyson shoves him into the rp like a little doorstop and he steals somebodys role

He Looks so FREAKING CUTE IM CYRING H uerrer  jjj 

So Yea I just wanted to talk about Giuliano on Giuliano Fan Account :thumbs_up:

Here is my art. That I have recently mae of Giuliano Also He officially now appears in 11 pages so I changed the name ahahaha....

I like these characters ,ther scrunkly and  you are too. or are you mippy. uuhh Well I dont know its almost 5 am now heart emoji I should go ok bye 

#hxh #hxh fanart #hxh ch 400 #sixth prince tyson #tyson hui guo rou #izunavi #izunavi hxh #giuliano hxh #juliano hxh #izunavi x giuliano #izugiuli #hunter x hunter

[elisedonut]

My Dennis/Percy brain rot is still going very very strong

so ima talk about them some more instead of doing something productive like actually writing a second fic for them

(I mean i will write a second fic at some point for them because i do think my first attempt didn't do them justice but not right now)

I already talked about Dennis's perspective in my OG Dennis/Percy post but I never went more into Percy's so I'm going to do that now

Like with Dennis what Percy thinks he needs and what he actually needs are two very different things

Like Dennis He thinks he just needs something that feels normal something that makes it easier to put all the negative feelings he's been trying to ignore from not only the war and Fred death but also from the way the rest of the family has been treating him since them because of his own actions

which is why during those first few years he clings so heavily to George

because for Percy taking care of both of the twins was something that fell to him more often then it didn't over the years so it feels natural to try to help him as much as he can

even if in this situation George pushes him away alot in the beginning.

But even with him pushing him away it still gives Percy something to focus on that doesn't send him spiraling as much as his job now does

Which granted him pushing Percy away also feels pretty normal as well

Point is eventually George does actually start to heal

He gets with Angelina and Percy finds himself at a loss again

because now he cant push all of his attempts to help onto Geroge anymore and unlike Geroge he hasnt been healing he'd just been ignoring the feelings and pushing them on to another

Choosing to put someone else's needs over his in an attempt to not fall into a pit of despair type vibe

Putting his happiness into someone else with the thought process that

When their happy

He'll also be happy

but that's not how that works

So now George doesn't seem to need him and now now he's back to drinking the pain away

back to taking on any project work will give him that he can throw himself fully into

He's still not healing

He's still stagnate

until he finds someone who seems to need him

someone to pour all of his energy into

So when he finds Dennis in that abandoned corridor breaking down and Percy's able to calm him he feels awake again for the first time in months.

And when Dennis accepts Percy's offer of talking more in the future Percy finds himself actually looking forward to something again.

He doesn't drink himself to sleep that night not wanting to miss the owl if it happens to come.

also i made yet another picrew <3

#percy weasley #dennis creevey #Dennis Creevey/Percy Weasley #i love this unhealthy relationship very much the brain worms are very bad still #i keep switching between wanting them to stay unhealthy and wanting to find a way for them to actually really help each other #anyway i think they should be obsessed with each other #I wish their were more picrews with two characters #also still haven't figured out Dennis' hair but thats ok maybe one day #i don't think ive had so many actual like real thoughts about a Percy ship like this before #like alot of my Percy ship thoughts tend to sum up to be just #“I think it would be neat” #so its a bit odd that i keep having thoughts about them

[dear-happypills]

me: i used to not want to

live.

but thats not the case anymore....

now, i want to die.

happypills: uhhh.... whut?????

me: i mean, there most definitely is a difference between the two? you know?

happypills: ... how so??

me: like... its not that i dont want to live anymore -- i do want to live. but i also want to...... die. in a way, i... its like... i look forward to my exit.

happypills: pwahaha your exit?

me: yea.... what else would it be? its the end of my story right????.. and the end for me in any story was what i always looked forward to the most.. i mean makes sense right??? any show or thing i ever read... if i wasnt interested in how things would end.... like why bother?

happypills: okay, so youre not suicidal, but... you look forward to dying..... hmmmmm....

me: well, if you put it that way. everyone and anyone is looking forward to dying.... time only marches forward for us mortals...

happypills: well, okay.... but at this point, it just..... kinda looks like youre gonna die alone so....

me: *gasp.... how dare you sir. at the very least, my cats will be there.................... feeding on my dead carcass.......

and psh. i cant believe youd.... youd desecrate the death that i look forward to like that. ..... you pillhole.

happypills: ohhhh hohoho. okok. fine. how do you want it to happen then???

me: hmmm... for starters... id like to at least have a heads up.

happypills: -_-....

me: you know, like.... i think the worst part about dying.. are the unexpected ones. like... a sudden brain aneurism. or a car crash. or... even from a mass shooting........ you know?? like,... i dont think most people wake up thinking,

"uh... huh. good day to die. im ready"

because when it happens.... and life flashes before their eyes.... i dunno... if that was me, id think id die of a panic attack before the actual moment of death...

i think a good death... obviously... is a one of natural cause. body slowly shuts down... and i imagine its less disturbing and easier to process.. like, right???

happypills: yea... i guess.... but i mean, noone knows the day and time of judgment right?

me: yea... i guess.... but if anything... maybe thats why i think of death so much.

there is no notice...

so how else will i be prepared?

happypills: eh,, yea, but i think thats the problem. can you be prepared??? i mean, not only for yours... but

how about

your cats'.

your parents'.

your brother's and sister's.

for your family in Spirit.

are you prepared for that????

me: .................... ..... *sigh... no........... what, you think i need to think more about that as well -- like try to prepare for it??

happypills: -_-.... no. i mean/.... like... the point is .... you cant. its not like a pop quiz youre preparing for you nerdd.... its impossible to prepare for death..

me: well then, whats the point of living then?

happypills: a righteous life is what is a righteous death. its not about living or dying.

its about what is right.

its about..... what is..... before there was, above what is, and after what will be.

maybe you look forward to your death,..... not because of your death, but rather because of your expectation to be with what is righteous??

me: ... but im not... righteous.

happypills: never said you were.

heathens like us... crave righteousness, because we understand that there is no salvation on this earth,....

aside from the bread and wine that came incarnate from the heavens.

its not about wanting to live or die.

if youre here, youre here.. and you wont be.

its........ its about what always is... was, and will be. you know???? and... i think. if you focus on that. your life and your death, will be righteous. and every moment, will be something you can look forward to.

me: ..... you think so???

happypills: yea....... .................. yup// either that, or youre just another lump of meat.

me: -_-..

- happypills

#happypills