#also support closeted people! even if they never come out! because it is not shameful and it's none of anyone's business!

[liuhko]

Gold Digger

𝜗🤍 ݁ Nanami with an obnoxious, gold digging wife. Got this idea at 3AM (finished it at 5AM) and I can’t let it go to waste, especially with this rising interest in my man (nanami). This is a long one, so you're welcome!

Nanami wasn’t the richest man on the planet, but he was rich enough. You came across him at a restaurant after his failed blind date, you had been watching the ordeal from afar and noted the expensive dishes he allowed his date to order. Of course, that didn’t mean much but your gut told you to go after him, so you did.

Thank goodness you listened to your gut, you somehow managed to woo him and he eventually proposed to you. Now here you were, several years into a marriage built on support, trust, and financial stability.

Your relationship with Nanami started strangely but you did eventually fall in love, and that’s why he put a ring on it (kardashian level diamond ring). To him, you’re the cutest, silliest little financial parasite he’s ever known. No, but seriously you do love each other, you just so happen to care for his assets a bit more.

Nanami isn’t an idiot, he was aware you were after his money, and most men would’ve ignored you completely because of that, but he can’t deny that he‘s very attracted to you. That and your unbelievable lack of shame. Not once did you even attempt to hide your desire for his money, you would always eye designer stores whenever you were out on dates and you made a habit of asking him for exactly $5.99 every day. There was always a need for it somehow, whether it be the bus, food, or the convenient loss of your piggy bank. You were so dedicated that he couldn’t help but indulge in your wants (or needs as you’d say).

You’re a dumb dumb and VERY obnoxious, not Gojo-level obnoxious, but still pretty annoying. The only reason Nanami ignores it is because you’re a pretty lady who knows how to sweet talk him. He doesn’t mind your level of smarts, and while your obnoxiousness does irritate him at times, it’s not enough for him to up and leave. Besides, you aren’t as dumb as some believe you to be. You’re smart enough to charm a rich man, so how dumb are you really?

Back to the obnoxiousness, boy you talk a lot. It’s like an endless fountain of words spews from your mouth, and if that isn’t the case you’re always doing something mildly annoying.

Nanami’s friends and family are NOT rocking with you in the slightest! Except for Gojo, Gojo likes being around you, you’re a less frustrating version of him. The same goes for Nobara too, she thinks you’re justified and relatable because she too, dries out people’s bank accounts. As for the others, Nanami’s loved ones still don’t understand why he married you while knowing your true intentions. The one who was the most sour about your union was his son, Yuuji. Yuuji never outright says “I don’t like you.” But he does actively make an effort to persuade his dad to leave you. “Divorce isn’t that expensive these days, there’s also less shame, so I think it’s a great choice.” Nanami just chuckles and tells Yuuji that there’s nothing wrong with a woman wanting money. Yuuji is your biggest hater.

NSFW

Nanami gives you allowances for any extra things you want to buy, and you almost always use this money on lingerie. You have a singular closet just for lingerie, it varies from cutesy to intense BDSM. Nanami loves the ones with easy access since he usually comes home exhausted from work. He likes that he doesn’t have to think much, just put his things away and slide into you. He doesn’t like to acknowledge this but if he knows he’s going to be away for a while because of work he’ll take one of his favorite lingerie sets and go crazy with it later. He always asks for permission before doing so.

Hate sex. Annoyance sex (I don’t think that’s what you call it)! You’re so beyond irritating, and while Nanami does love you, he needs a break from it at times. It’s always the worst when he’s trying to organize his schedule or relax from a long day only to have you rambling in his ear. He could ask you to tone it down but sometimes that doesn’t work, if he asks nicely and you don’t stop he’ll distract you with sex.

Nanami will pick you up, toss you onto the bed, and do whatever it takes to keep you quiet. He’ll spend hours pumping into you repeatedly if it means he gets a moment of peace when he’s done. He does get distracted at times though, who can blame him? :(( the way you squirm and shake beneath him when he whispers sweet nothings into your ear while roughly thrusting into your warm pussy, the apologies that fall from your lips when it all becomes a bit too much. “Kento, please, it’s too much…I’ll let you get your work done, I’m sorry…” (you never mean it though, the overstimulation makes you pleasantly dizzy and you love pissing him off). He loves making you feel good, no matter how much he wishes you’d shut up.

Money = breeding session. Nanami has a breeding kink, it’s a fact among the people. He loves cumming inside you but you’re a wicked little thing who won’t let him until he promises to add just a bit more to your allowance. He’ll give you your desired amount no matter how absurd it is. Truth be told he is WHIPPED for you and wants to make you happy (he also wants to cum in you). Some may say this is wrong, others call it taking advantage of your resources.

Bonus: he loves when you suck him off for multiple reasons. 1, it silences you completely. 2, he gets to cum in your mouth. 3, you look so pretty with his dick in your mouth.

𝜗🤍 ݁ I finished this whole thing in 2 HOURS. This must be how mass producers feel when they pump stuff out quickly, better start calling me the SHEIN of tumblr.

TAGS @cindol @rizsu @lucstarz @histani @pekejs @hymnboos @dayestic @svgvruz @zorosq @peachop

#nanami x you #nanami kento #nanami x reader #jjk kento #kento x reader #nanami smut #jjk x reader #jjk smut #gojo satoru #x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen nanami #jujutsu nanami #fem!reader #nanami x y/n #nanami x fem!reader #jujutsu gojo #jujutsu satoru #jjk x you #jjk x y/n #jjk x fem!reader #jjk #anime fanfic #xreader smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #black writers #fanfic writer #writing #jjk nanami #kento x y/n

[dnphobe]

Looking at how they've presented themselves over time is always interesting. I think the queer experience of slowly questioning societal and gender norms (and gender, in many cases) is something I recognize in them. Im also curious how Phil's journey is different because he was out to his close ones for a lot longer, and it feels like Dan has more fun shouting about being gay because of the trauma that he associated with the label. I loved seeing their support of queer identities even when they were publicly closeted. It's nice that, even if they weren't comfortable being out, they wanted everyone to know they were a safe space

i agree! the different ways they've presented themselves to us over the years is one of my favourite topics to talk about tbh!

dan's journey wrt to gender presentation and how he feels about gender (not gonna theorise on how he identifies bc what do i know, but to quote him he's fine with being viewed as a man but also not offended if people use pronouns/gendered terms outside of that to refer to him) is interesting because he's said he's always been "flamboyant" but tried to hide that in his youtube career for a long time, and he's gone from saying "i can't do it i'm just such a boy" about painting his nails to having them painted more often than not, but also in day in the life of manchester he said he sometimes wishes he was a girl when looking at 'women's clothing', so it's clearly something he's felt for a long time.

i don't think phil necessarily feels the same pull to be gender non-conforming, but it is also something he's struggled with doing (in one of the stereo shows, when talking about the maid dress he wore in VPMO 2, he said that while it was a cheap joke outfit, a few years ago he would not have felt comfortable wearing a dress at all) so that might be something he's still working toward being comfortable with, but at the same time he's never felt shame about telling us things like he likes using raspberry scented body wash or that he does skin care (while when phil mentioned doing skin care dan was clutched by toxic masculinity saying "don't do- i mean that's fine!"

agree with dan having more fun shouting about being gay because of the trauma and i'm so glad he's reached where he is now! phil...i think for a long time he thought he didn't NEED to shout about being gay, especially because like you said he was out to a few people for longer. but i think it's something he realised he DID want to do after coming out to us. as he said in his coming out one year later video he didn't realise how much of himself he was holding back from us by not being out and it feels like a weight off his shoulders now. i think they both love being gay and shouting about being gay and celebrating that with us and im so proud of phil too <3 i actually have a hot take which is i think if it wasn't for dan's coming out he might have never fully come out to us, not just in a "if dan never had he never would have" way, but in a "if he and dan never met he wouldn't have" way, because he IS a private person and didn't think he was missing out on anything.

i am always so glad they made sure we knew they were accepting of us even if they weren't ready to be out. ngl it got kind of rough in like 2012 for me when dan was so adamantly against people thinking he was gay my own internalised homophobia brain went "does he hate gay people?" but that's on me, not him, or more accurately on BOTH of our internalised homophobia situations lmao. but yeah they've always been so sweet about their queer and trans fans, and one thing i personally appreciate so much is how they will use they/them for any fan they don't know the gender of no matter what their name/appearance/voice would make other people assume their gender to be! i feel so safe with them, and im gonna add this bc im still sappy after this weekend, so safe with phannies too <3 i think phannies queer identities and dnp's queer identities have ALWAYS flowed into each other and both sides of the parasocial line have made the other side feel safe and grow into their identities and helped them accept and appreciate other people's identities.

#asks

[thetraingotsetonfireonmidnight]

I got idea…

Pro hero Kiribaku x pro hero (m) reader who wants every red riot and bakugou figur. No matter how expensive they are

I can just imagine him showing his house (like some celebrities do) and then there’s so many figures and fans just see how simp he is💀

I love the way you think

𝔎𝔦𝔯𝔦𝔟𝔞𝔨𝔲 𝔵 𝔉𝔞𝔫𝔟𝔬𝔶/𝔓𝔯𝔬 ℌ𝔢𝔯𝔬 ℜ𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯

You have no shame. At all.

From the moment you woke up, you were looking forward to the camera crew that'd be showing up at your house soon.

You were practically bouncing off the walls while getting your place prepared, texting your boyfriends in-between chores.

Bakugou made sure to remind you every 5 seconds that he thought it was weird of you to be showing off your house (even though he did the exact same thing just to prove that he has more money than Deku).

Kirishima on the other hand was supportive, saying he'd make sure to watch it the second it aired.

Once the crew finally made it to your house, and you were ready to start filiming, you tried to get through the rooms as fast as possible. You briefly went over everything in your living room and kitchen.

The interviewer would try to slow you down and ask you questions about certain objects of yours, but you blew them off everytime because you wanted to get to the one room you had been most excited to show off.

Your bedroom.

You hadn't been dating your boyfriends for very long, so they had never come over to your house before. Any indoor dates were spent at Kirishima's house.

That being said, Bakugou and Kiri had no idea what they were getting into when they watched you open your door.

Dynamight and Red Riot merchandise.

Everywhere.

Posters, figures, plushies, shirts–your collection nearly rivaled Deku's.

You should've seen Bakugou's face.

He's used to people fawning over him, but he didn't expect his own damn partner to act like an obsessed fan.

(He was flattered. He'll never admit it).

Kirishima was over the moon. He swore he fell for you all over again.

Unlike with the other rooms you were showing off, you took your time explaining every piece of merchandise you had.

You even threw in a few shameless compliments about how brave and amazing your partners were.

You even had a few boxes in your closet of merchandise you had yet to find a place for.

Your fans went crazy.

Combinations of you and your partners' names were trending on social media, and the interview blew up.

Everyone was talking about it.

Kirishima is almost, if not just as, shameless as you are.

He mass tweeted about how much he loves you.

He also went out and bought a shit ton of your merch. (And Bakugou's ofc.)

He insisted Bakugou should do the same, but he heavily and angrily disagreed.

A few days later, Bakugou loudly banged on your door.

You opened it and he immediately rushing in past you as an apologetic Kirishima follows him.

Bakugou stomps his way to your room and stares at it. Almost shocked that you had seriously covered your room head to toe in his (and kirishima's) merchandise.

"WHAT THE HELL?!"

"Is there a problem Kats?"

"WHAT IS ALL OF THIS?!"

"Merchandise?"

"YEAH I CAN SEE THAT!"

Bakugou started demanding you take it down while Kirishima on the other hand begs you to leave it up.

"C'mon Katsuki, it's adorable!"

"I'M TAKING AWAY YOUR FIRST NAME PRIVILEGES IF YOU DON'T KNOCK IT OFF!"

#kirishima x bakugou #kiribaku #kirishima x male reader #eijiro kirishima #kirishima x reader #mha kirishima #bakugou x you #bakugou x male reader #bakugou katuski x reader #bakugou x reader #kiribaku x reader

[ficklecat]

OC Intro: Violet Roberta Hughes

(dialogue responses to the OC interview prompt)

1. Please state your full name and occupation.

“Violet Roberta Hughes. I’m a biology student in undergrad, but I’m about to graduate soon!”

2. Tell us a little bit about yourself.

“Ummmm…let’s see. Well I’m a Scorpio for starters so feel free to make your assumptions on that! I love creepy stuff, big fan of horror and all things spooky. My brain is Halloweentown 365. What else…I love to cook and bake, I’m always trying out new recipes with Manny and Finn as my Guinea pigs. I like video games but I’m no good at them, I love movies, and I’m a closeted nerd. There’s plenty more but I never know what to say with questions like this!”

3. How would you describe your childhood?

“I mean…not terrible. Not the greatest though. My parents hate each other and before they divorced they fought a lot. My dad’s a classic abusive drunk, and my mom is super critical. I think it made her bitter though, she didn’t always used to be. Or maybe she did, I don’t know. My dad always tried to have fun with me and mom was the hardass. It’s easy to see now they were trying to play me against each other. They probably still do, whatever. After they divorced things got a little easier but wasn’t the same. But the fights and stuff stopped, no booze in the house anymore, that kind of thing.”

4. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

“When I was suuuper little I wanted to be what I called a ‘grave guard,’ which I guess was like a security guard for cemeteries? I have no clue where I got that idea, I don’t even think that’s a real thing!”

5. Do you have any role models? Tell us a little bit about them.

“This is gonna sound so shitty of me but I kinda don’t. Most people I know are just like…fully faking it till they make it, and that’s fine, everyone is, but I don’t want to put anyone on a pedestal for faking it slightly better than everyone else.”

6. Are you introverted or extroverted? Why?

“I’m both I think. I like my ‘me time’ but I also love being with my people, or people in general. I think it’s a shame some people ‘hate’ being around others. It’s so lonely sounding. I get it for some but still, I don’t think I’ve ever been that way.”

7. How would you describe yourself in three words?

“Ugh this is hard. I’m so much more than three words!” (laughs) “Hm. Ok. Stubborn probably. Caring, but—more like nurturing I think. And…I don’t know. So many words come to mind! Let’s say thoughtful. Stubborn, nurturing, and thoughtful.”

8. What do you like to do for fun?

“Definitely love to bake or make stuff in general. I like crafts even if I’m not good at them, and I can’t be trusted to go into a Michael’s alone.” (laughs) “But I really like doing movie nights with Finn and Manny. I always pick a scary one usually and Finn gets all flustered and spooked, it’s so cute. We watched Hereditary recently and Manny and I were just obsessing over Toni Collette because how can you not, and meanwhile Finn was literally sitting there watching from between his fingers. So adorable. He puts up with a lot from us.”

9. What's your greatest achievement? Why do you consider this your greatest achievement?

This has been answered in an ask, check the tag to see!

10. What's your biggest goal? How do you hope to achieve this?

“My biggest goal used to be to get married to a good man, but that was really more of my mom’s goal for me. Now, I think it’s just to find myself fully, to fully realise who I am. I know that’s cliche, but I’ve done so much self-discovery just in the past year and it feels so good, to learn and know yourself better each day. It’s like…playing in your childhood bedroom again, you’re finding all your favourite toys and remembering their stories. I don’t know. It’s like that. And I don’t even know how I’m achieving it. I think when I finally let myself just…be who I am, and found people to support that, it was easy. It came naturally. I’m super grateful.”

11. What does your dream room/house look like? Would you mind showing some inspiration pictures?

“I’d totally live in a haunted mansion or some shit but Finn would never sleep again, and he’s already an insomniac, so I think I’ll have to pass.” (laughs)

12. How would you describe your style?

“I wanna say subdued goth. I wear mostly black with pops of colour, like pink and red and blue and stuff, and I love to accessorise. In high school I was definitely more into it but doing two hours of makeup and dress in the morning is not it anymore.”

13. What's your favorite song?

“Ugh! I can’t pick, honestly. I listen to music all the time. I guess right now I’ve got Ghosting by Mother Mother on repeat a lot, so that one.”

14. Where are you happiest?

“Wherever Finn and Manny are, truthfully. I’ve never been so happy as when I am with them. They just bring out the best in me and each other. I love being around them.”

15. Who is the most important person in your life? Why?

“Besides my partners, I need to say…probably me. I know that sounds selfish but I’m really trying to focus on what it feels like to show up for myself and I think part of that is learning that at the end of the day, you’ve only got you. Before anyone. Might as well treat her right.”

16. Do you believe in soulmates? Why or why not?

“You know I always go back and forth on this. I did with my ex, then I didn’t when he broke my heart, then I did again, then I didn’t. Now…I don’t know. Maybe. If I do, it’s because of Finn and Manny. But if I don’t it’s only because I believe the heart wants different things at different times, and I think that gives it space to grow. I know, that’s so cheesy, but that’s how I can put it in words.”

17. Have you ever been in love?

“For sure. I’ve thought I’ve been in love way more often though. Now I know what it really feels like, I think.”

18. Have you ever been kissed?

“I was kissed just before I came in here!” (giggles)

19. Describe an average day in your life.

“Warning, it’s boring! Basically I just go to class and hang out with the polycule after. I prefer to have all my classes done by the afternoon which means I force myself to attend 8AM’s, but it’s worth it. I can get home or go to Finn’s and take care of things, do chores or homework or whatever, and just have a nice afternoon to myself. I also try to have lunch with my friend Ash at least once a week, but she works a lot so it’s hard to be consistent.”

20. Describe your nighttime routine.

“It depends on where I’m sleeping honestly. If it’s by myself at my place I’ll usually just watch a show in the background and scroll on my phone or do homework and stuff until I’m tired. Then I’ll remove my makeup and go to bed. I try not to use my phone in bed much but that doesn’t always work. That’s during the week, but most weekends we stay at Finn’s place and if I’m there it’s usually hanging out after dinner, maybe—well, usually—we’ll have sex and then I’ll take a shower because he has one of those really great rainfall shower heads that I love. After that I’ll drink some tea with Finn or cuddle with Manny upstairs until we all fall asleep.”

21. (Make up a question) Tell us a “low-stakes” unpopular opinion you have.

“I LIKE candy corn!! Yeah it’s weird and overly sweet but it’s candy! Of course it is! It’s pure sugar! And YES the different colours totally taste different I will die on this hill!” (laughs) “Manny bought me a bumper sticker for my car that says ‘end the stigma’ and it’s got candy corn all over it I love it! Candy corn is good, it deserves respect. It’s the herald of spooky season, that’s an honour itself!”

#Violet #OCs #oc ask game #oc prompt #oc thursdays #axel’s brainpals

[brownbitchshit]

Review filled with probable unpopular opinions and spoilers.........

Before I start the review,I'd like to say that I went into watching this movie with the absolute mindset that there's no way a book like RWRB (which is one of my most favourite books of all time) can be adapted into a 2 hour long movie and since series wasn't doable, I'll have to make do with this. So I truly went in with the hopes of seeing my FirstPrince and generally getting the heart of the movie. But contrary to what people are saying, I think the movie tried to adapt too much of the book plot and lost the main vibe of the story in the process. As I go into the details and spoilers, I'd like to be clear that they are my opinions only. It's in no way an attack or criticisms on anyone who loved the movie. So please do not take it personally and consider it my ranting.

................................. Spoilers.….....................................

1. First problem I have with the movie is how much it tried to adapt of the book. I know, it sounds controversial but lemme explain. The book had too many plots and I personally felt like despite cutting down characters and simplifying some major plot points, the movie tried to show too much of too many plots. In the process, the plots that needed the time to breathe in order to translate the main heart of the story, got lost in translation. For example Henry losing his father, his existential crisis, him being in the closet for the crown. Even though he kept saying he cant be out and everything but the story never really showed what's at stake. Even Stephen Fry's King seemed very harmless which made the entire plot kind of moot. Same goes for Alex. Without his parents' divorce, his entire I don't think I'm good enough vibe just didn't come across. I generally felt like in order to get all the stories across, they didn’t spend any time to capture the fear of them being together, the horror of being out and the repercussions of what it meant and mostly why their characters are more than just 'Privileged public figures who live in palaces'. By not showing Henry's mom they erased the pain and impact he had of losing his father and by not showing June and Alex's parents' divorce,they erased the explanation about his fierceness and determination.

2. I personally was in support of aged-up Alex and Henry simply because it made their love-story more solid. But the problem was despite having aged-up cast, Matthew Lopez tried to keep their characters very true to the book. Which meant at time Taylor Zakhar Perez as Alex looked extremely immature and weird acting like a early 20 something guy when he clearly was not. Also his entire 'They don't like me' 'I don't know if I'm good enough' insecurity seemed childish especially since none of his other issues were shown like his parents's divorce or ADHD. Again I think instead of going through the checklist of getting all the book plots done, they should have explained Alex's background a little more showing why him as a brown man feels this need to be the best, why he finds it so hard to accepted by people. Obviously they mention it, but they never get into it. Which is a shame tbh.

3. Erasing June and keeping Nora while not explaining who Nora is, kind of lightened Alex's character even more. Apart from helping Alex to realize his sexuality, she literally served no purpose. At least if June were there, they could've shown some sibling bonding and a deeper look at Alex's character and explain the whole dynamic of being the first son and daughter of USA while being POCs.

4. The few changes that truly bothered me which served no purpose at all and again changed the tone of the film are Alex's confession scene in the rain and him giving a speech without Henry's input. I don't know why they chose not to give us the passionate reunion when Alex storms into the Kensington and instead cut to the V&A scene because honestly it didn’t make sense. We could do without the V&A scene and instead spend more time on them talking about their feelings more and just spend more time into that moment to build its momentum. It all felt extremely rushed which easily could have been avoided. And also why Alex will choose to come out without Henry and make a speech about their relationship without their input made no sense. It just made it seem like being Bi and dating Henry is easier for Alex and he had no real threat by putting himself out there like that whereas in the book we could feel how vulnerable it made him and how scared they both were when he made the 'America, he is my choice' speech.

Now the things that I liked/loved :

1. The lake scene. The entire scene was so well done, maybe because for once they took the time to slow down and let Henry's emotion show for once. I thought it was more beautiful than it was in the book.

2. Alex's involvement in the politics. If there was one thing that Matthew Lopez did to adjust the plot to Alex's age was this and I personally liked seeing this bit because again for the first time it gave us a glimpse of who Alex was and what his ambitions were which was lacking from the rest of the film.

3. Alex's scenes with his family was spot on. No complain there.

4. Alex and Henry's intimate scenes were well done. Although I wish they were a bit longer and more sensual but I liked it. I am confused though why is this film R-rated (except for TZP's butt scene) because the sex scenes were extremely innocent.

5. Henry when he finds out about the leak. That scene was again well done because they took the time to show the emotion and the heart of the movie.

To sum it up, I feel like the movie tried to adapt too much of the book. I think Matthew truly made the movie like a fan which in my opinion backfired a little. Because I think since this book is too long to be adapted into a movie, the best course of action should've been to capture the main theme of the story and make many changes accordingly. I think he chose to serve the book lovers, which is not a bad way to make an adaptation but I think as a movie, it is what let it down. As the book fan, you probably will be happy to see the plot checklists being ticked in. But as a movie, I found the plots very rushed, characters underdeveloped and underutilized, unnecessary storylines and the love story underdeveloped. Although I would give kudos to Nicholas Galitzine and Taylor Zakhar Perez because they were good as Henry and Alex. I wish Matthew had done a better job with their character development because these two could have really made Henry and Alex into 100% perfection and take the movie to the next level.

#red white and royal blue #red white and royal blue movie #nicholas galitzine #rwrb movie #taylor zakhar perez #hrh prince henry #alex claremont diaz

[ponett]

Sorry if this is a bit heavy for you, but I've been wondering what to do about this for a while and I thought you might be able to help: I feel I might be trans, but I'm afraid to look further into it in case I'm wrong about the whole thing, and I'm just a cis with a crossdressing fetish; hatred for facial hair, dislike of deep monotone voice, and constant (near irrational) fear of hair loss be damned. (1/?)

i did read the other parts of this message, but for the sake of your privacy i'll exclude them here. i will say up front that no one can decide your gender for you and that no one knows what's truly in your heart except for you. but also, despite going on to say that you "never had what you might call dysphoria"

what you described in the last sentence here is dysphoria. you are probably not cis

there's a common adage about how cis people generally don't spend their time dwelling on whether or not they should transition. in other words, if you spend a lot of time thinking about how you might be trans, you're probably trans. just because you don't feel you tick off all the boxes for the "proper" transfem narrative you've seen online doesn't mean you can't be trans. you don't need an origin story about loving to play with dolls as a little kid, about how you always knew you may have been different deep down, even if others take comfort in sharing that experience. you don't have to adhere to traditional ideas about femininity. you can like the genitals you already have. you don't even have to go on HRT. it's different for everyone

and being worried about how people will perceive you and the commitment of HRT and all that is normal. i, myself, share many of these struggles, and i'm still mostly in the closet outside of the internet (and my boyfriend knowing and supporting me, obviously). that doesn't mean i'm not trans, it just means that we have to deal with living in a deeply transphobic society, and that transition can get expensive, and a lot of other factors that have nothing to do with what is or isn't in my heart. your safety comes first

i'll also say that there's absolutely no shame in changing your mind later. people identify a certain way and then change their minds, the same way that people will think they're cis from birth and then realize they're not. people detransition. people begin to transition, go back into the closet or go off their meds or whatever, and then start transitioning again. it happens. for many it's better to have explored those options and came out the other side with a better understanding of themselves than to have never considered it at all

#anon #ask

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Vargas and Ambrose for bingo

***Standard disclaimer: These are just my personal opinions of the character(s); regardless of what I may think of them, sharing my thoughts is NOT meant to offend or to shame anyone that thinks differently.***

This is the character I actually have nothing to say about 😂

He showed up once in episode 5 and seems to be a foil character to Crowley??? Like, Ambrose is actually kind and wise 😂 Maybe the most interesting thing about him is that he seemed to be side-eying Crowley during their entire conversation. It makes me think maybe Ambrose will play some big role in future events. Until then, he’ll return to the storage closet that is my memories and be forgotten about.

Vargas is the type of character I’d like if only he… looked different 😅 vbksbdjebdkd I’m sorry, I just don’t like characters with watermelon-sized muscles or with facial hair— (It’s interesting that they made him the shortest of the NRC staff though??? Especially considering how much of a Chad/“perfect male specimen” his inspiration, Gaston, made himself out to be.) I don’t think he’s that popular in the fandom at large either; I sometimes see people straight up give Vargas merch away for free because they can’t sell it.

Vargas seems like he’s a really cool teacher! Yeah, he’ll drive you just as hard as Trein or Crewel would, but he’s also a lot more open with his love and passion than those two are. He still maintains a sense of vanity, but it’s been dialed down enough to let other traits, like his jolliness, have a chance in the spotlight. I also like that the devs didn’t make him a womanizer 😭 because Gaston never taking “no” for an answer in Beauty & the Beast was a BIG yikes. Vargas just gives me the vibes that he’s here to have a good time and that he wants the boys to work hard to be in good shape too (even if he just so happens to frame it around muscles). LIKE. HE’S GONNA GIVE AZUL EXTRA FLYING LESSONS TO HELP HIM IMPROVE 😂 Vargas is like a supportive uncle there to push you and to cheer you on!

While Vargas is the only one of the staff to really have an “event” (Vargas CAMP!), he actually doesn’t show up that much in it and just serves as the instructor (and the antagonist at the end). I wish we had gotten some more of him, because his presence in the main story is severely lacking. Sam shows up when you and Deuce go to buy ingredients to make Riddle an apology tart, Crewel is your homeroom teacher, Trein gets to watch NRC while Crowley is away, and Crowley is… well, he’s Crowley. But Vargas???? He gets to do like… nothing 😭

I think there’s potential for expanding TWST lore via Vargas!! For example, he mentions that he went to a school that wasn’t NRC or RSA; I want to know what the education system outside of the two magic schools we know of are like. How does it compare between magicians and non-magicians? Vargas is also from the Shaftlands (Pyroxene)????? So I want to know what his hometown is like, because based on the other characters from the same country, they’re quite different from one another. Epel’s in a backwater village, Vil and Jack seem to have been in the same city for a while, and Cater has moved all over the place and seen a lot. I want to see how Vargas’s hometown compares!

Right off the bat, I gotta say that everyone makes jokes about Azul being the capitalist and the opportunist, but Sam’s just as bad when it comes to making money 😂 (I think Sam hides it better because of personable and cheery he is compared to Azul, and that he doesn’t necessarily have malicious intentions like Azul does sometimes.) We don’t see Sam actively scheming, but I still feel that scheming energy from him when he shows up. Think about it: it’s always SAM that conveniently shows up when there’s a problem in an event and he just so happens to have what they need RIGHT ON HAND. He’s also a shrewd (yet smiley) businessman and knows how to make a sale; he spreads rumors about a mystery ticket that can grant the winner any item they desire to make more New Year sales and refuses to sell Floyd the rights to his mystery drink because he was already profiting a lot from it (and only turned over the rights when Floyd offered something far more valuable in return). Sam’s smart, and I love that about him.

He has a lot of charisma that the other characters can’t match. To me, he has the best traits of Azul and Ruggie: the intelligence and the capacity to work hard, with the charm of a cobra to be able to pull it all off (though not necessarily any ill intent). I also think it’s kinda cute how he calls everyone imps???? It has intense gremlin energy, so I’m living for that. Sam’s just here to have fun, to make money, and to swim in it 🤣 I wish he had more of a role to play, though???? Cuz even in events, all he really does is how up for five second to sell something important before peacing out again...

How about an event where we get to visit Sam’s hometown (Jubilee Port)??????? We don’t have any other characters that come from there, so I want to know more about it! It would also be cool to learn about how Sam operates???? Like, maybe not show us how he gets ALL of the things he has in stock (since that would take away from the magic), but maybe show us him traveling to source things, maybe meeting up with the boys’ parents along the way??? Does Sam personally know Kalim’s dad, who is a very wealthy and influential merchant??? Papa Asim could be a very valuable asset and friend to have. What about stopping by the Coral Sea to see what kinds of unique dishes and wares they have down there, and Sam just happens to take a detour at the Ashegrotto family restaurant??? It would be a cool way to expand on the world lore and introduce us to a ton of characters~

Recently, I watched The Princess and the Frog for the first time, and I think that helped me to appreciate Sam more. Disney has never really had a rep for accurately portraying different cultures, so I’m not going to get into their harmful depiction of voodoo in the movie 💦 That aside, Dr. F was a fun villain to watch, and I can see how his dark charm, color scheme, and motifs carried over to Sam. I kind of wish we got to see Sam use magic (to create illusions?), or maybe communicate with the shadows (asbhdiasbdla I think it’d be cool if they helped him out at the store when he has no student employees around)???? Or I wonder if they’ll give us any lore that makes Sam more Dr. F adjacent (like maybe he’s raising all this money because he owes a great debt to his “friends on the other side”????? At the same time, I can understand why TWST may be avoiding it as it could call attention to the aforementioned controversy (and we all know what the Mouse is like when it comes to addressing these things) 🤡 The type of “magic” that Dr. F uses is not something that I’m well educated on myself, so I apologize if anything I said came off the wrong way, or if any of the ideas I expressed in regards to Sam were insensitive 🙇‍♀️

#Ashton Vargas #Sam #Mr. S #twst #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #Ambrose the 63rd #spoilers #notes from the writing raven #ask game #character opinion bingo #Mister S

[genderisareligion]

How long do you think this trans nonsense is going to last? Do you think people, especially women, will eventually realise how sexist, homophobic and racist trans ideology is? Or do you think society is just going to keep regressing? I had a discussion - not even an argument - with a girl recently about it all, she has a brother that calls himself a woman, and she cried when I said that I thought we should be abolishing gender stereotypes. I thought I was pretty moderate, I said that I think people should be able to dress and act however they like, but it just doesn't mean that men can claim and appropriate womanhood. She cried and called me a transphobe, and then stormed out when I said that it's inherently misogynistic. Most of my friends, both men and women, agree with me, but said that I shouldn't have brought it up. Which I think is just shit - so women are just meant to lie back and accept the erosion of our rights? This issue is occupying so much real estate in my mind, I'm constantly thinking about how absurd it is and I'm constantly angry. How long do you think I'm gonna have to be angry for?

I can’t say for certain how much longer it will be, but I can recall what ten years ago was like, so maybe things will have changed that drastically in another ten.

2012 Tumblr was peak what’s good about liberal feminism. It’s not all garbage it is still feminism after all. Consent was a huge conversation, used to see posts about male rape culture in the tens of thousands of notes, it was cool and on trend to call out “I’m not like other girls I don’t need feminism,” sexism in the workplace was being addressed. My in progress tag #notes is in part meant to capture what female solidarity used to look like on the site

because it’s taken a massive fucking nose dive and I’m trying to figure out where we went wrong. Going through archives of radblr blogs around 2015-16 is when I start noticing more of the trans/TERF conversion happening, although it always was just on a much smaller scale using different words. “Lesbians who don’t like dick” and sex industry critical women have always been attacked for one reason or another iirc they just used to call us “radscum” and other nondescript shit before landing on these handy -ERF acronyms

The thing is 2012 Tumblr was also peak Superwholock Fujoshi time and “supporting the gays” (voyeuristically living vicariously through them) was more on trend than liberal feminism. The two were seemingly in unison at the time but were going to be at odds inevitably. Mostly straight and male-pref bi women (with a sprinkle of closeted lesbians) coping with IRL men’s increasingly sadistic view of women by fantasizing about safe love between fictional men on an obsessive level. Fandoms and thus show creators going out of their way to avoid F/F slash and instead feeding the monster that is M/M until Tumblrinas felt like just “supporting” them wasn’t enough and they had to skinwalk lol and shame one type of SSA while worshipping another

Iirc by 2016 gay marriage in the US (where most of these people live) had been “won” and queer MOGAI was the shiniest newest trend thanks to a number of influences (Caitlyn Jenner and LaVerne Cox come to mind but it was definitely more than just them). Liberal feminism is capitalistic at the end of the day and the powers that be saw “queering gender” for the cash cow it’s ended up being and the powers were probably terrified that in the early 2010s under popular lib feminism hundreds of thousands of girls and women were openly in agreement online that male violence was the problem. Now it’s “gendered violence” and you can never tell who’s a male and no one can call a spade in a dress a spade

It’s inconceivable to me to cry about the idea of gender abolition like your friend did anon…..makes me like sad how convicted so many women are about this. But I’m also not surprised and don’t blame them all because anti feminist males will stop at nothing. The TERF wars are so fundamentally ridiculous like the topic is a distraction about something that’s not even real yet they’ve made it seem so real and threatening by using their male privilege to instill fear and angry infighting.

I would advise you to not let this shit take up too much real estate in your mind. As someone who sort of watched it all start or at least get this bad I try to remember when I wasn’t censoring my language this much and when misandry was a fun meme on here. Also try to keep in mind how many times the queer theorists change their mind on what language is appropriate for who and when. I will never forget how quickly writing trans* with an asterisk or transwoman with no space became crimes when before you’d get lynched for not doing it. Imo things that change that often have no foundation or could change into something unrecognizable someday. Hopefully whatever follows gender is better than this shit. Hang in there 🖤

#shadow.txt #ask.txt

[calciopics]

How homophobia claimed the life and career of Justin Fashanu, the world’s first openly gay footballer

30 years after Justin Fashanu came out publicly to the world, former friend Peter Tatchell reflects on the late sportsman's complicated legacy.

Thirty years ago, on 22 October 1990, Justin Fashanu became the world’s first professional footballer to come out as gay. To this day, he’s the UK’s only top-tier male football star to declare his homosexuality while playing in this country. At the time, he said he knew 12 other Premier League footballers who were gay or bisexual. None followed his example of openness, then or since.

Justin was also the first black player to be bought by a club for £1 million and the first prominent black person in Britain to come out as LGBT+. Other black personalities, including the singer Labi Siffre, artist and film-maker Isaac Julien and Lambeth Council leader Linda Bellos, had already come out, but they didn’t have Justin’s high profile and national recognition.

Justin came out in The Sun newspaper, under the headline “£1m soccer star: I am GAY”. He said he wanted to stop “living a lie”. His otherwise dignified and courageous article was marred by titillating tales of sex with a married MP, romps in the House of Commons, and affairs with pop singers, TV stars and other footballers.

It was also tainted by the fact that he sold his story for a huge pile of money, reputedly £70,000 or more. He subsequently admitted that elements of his story were embellished because, in his words, he was “under pressure” from the paper to give them sensational gossip.

A week later, his brother, fellow footballer John Fashanu, disowned Justin in the black newspaper, The Voice. “John Fashanu: My gay brother is an outcast” screamed the headline. John later admitted to offering Justin £75,000 to stay quiet and keep his sexuality secret.

He told the Daily Mirror: “I begged him, I threatened him, I did everything I could possibly do to try and stop him coming out… I gave him the money because I didn’t want the embarrassment for me or my family.”

John later expressed regret about his behaviour. However, he continued to disrespect his brother’s memory when he claimed in a 2012 interview with talkSPORT radio that his brother was not gay but merely a fame-obsessed attention-seeker.

Justin told me he was heartbroken by the “terrible” things John said about him. He never got over what he saw as betrayal by a brother he loved.

The reaction of the wider black community was just as bad. His coming out was condemned by The Voice as “an affront to the black community… damaging… pathetic and unforgivable”.

“We heteros”, wrote Voice columnist Tony Sewell, “are sick and tired of tortured queens playing hide-and-seek around their closets. Homosexuals are the greatest queer-bashers around. No other group of people are so preoccupied with making their own sexuality look dirty.” Sewell only very recently apologised for those comments.

“Even if Fashanu had chosen to come out in The Voice rather than The Sun, I doubt his reception would have been any more sympathetic,” noted media columnist Terry Sanderson, soon afterwards. “Rejection by his own community was profoundly damaging to him.”

Although Justin later said that he “never once regretted” coming out, the hostile reaction from many in the black community hurt him deeply. He told me that since black people knew the pain of racial prejudice and discrimination, he expected they’d be understanding and supportive. Some were, but many denounced him for bringing “shame” on them.

As far as I recall, not a single black public figure supported his coming out or condemned The Voice and others in the community who had trashed him. Justin later told The Voice: “Those who say that you can’t be black, gay and proud of it are ignorant.”

Nevertheless, there were moments during his coming-out saga when he confessed that he felt “incredibly, almost suicidally, lonely”.

Justin faced a lot of criticism for choosing to come out in the right-wing, homophobic Sun newspaper, which many black people also regarded as racist. Justin responded by saying that his fans read the tabloids, not the Sunday Times. By coming out in The Sun, he hoped its reporters would cease hounding him: “I genuinely thought that if I came out in the worst newspapers and remained strong and positive about being gay, there would be nothing more that they could say.”

Some people say the press knew Justin was gay and were planning to out him. He supposedly struck a deal with The Sun to pre-empt this: “So my sexuality could be revealed on my terms,” he told me.

However, in the book, Stonewall 25, Justin claimed that he came out because he was distressed by the tragedy of a 17-year-old gay friend who had been forced out of his family home by homophobic parents, and who subsequently committed suicide: “I felt angry at the waste of his life and guilty because I had not been able to help him. I wanted to do something positive to stop such deaths happening again, so I decided to set an example and come out in the papers.”

Whatever the true reason for him coming out, one thing is certain: he wasn’t fully prepared for the backlash and the “heavy damage” it would inflict on his football career. He got homophobic abuse from fans, and few clubs were willing to sign him given his diminishing goal-scoring abilities.

This was a far cry from his glittering football debut. In 1980, aged 19, Justin was signed to Nottingham Forest football club for £1 million. The expectations were huge. There was the pressure to deliver goals and to become a black spokesperson. He found his sudden celebrity status both a blessing and a great burden.

Justin was closeted back then and found it immensely difficult to be gay in the macho, straight world of football — not to mention the stress of living a secret gay life while under the glare of the media spotlight.

Like many black footballers in those days, he was subjected to racist taunts by fans from rival teams. They would make monkey noises and gestures, and throw bananas onto the pitch. But it was anti-gay prejudice that ultimately dragged him down.

“A bloody poof!” That’s how his manager at Nottingham Forest, Brian Clough, described his star player. Although Justin laughed them off, Clough’s sneers hurt inside, making it hard for him to concentrate on playing ‘the beautiful game’.

Justin and I met at the London gay nightclub Heaven in 1981, soon after he realised he was gay. I had been selected as the Labour parliamentary candidate for Bermondsey. We became close friends.

Justin confided to me about the problems he was having at Nottingham Forest. “Clough doesn’t respect or support me,” he complained more than once.

In his autobiography, Clough recounts a dressing-down he gave Justin after hearing rumours that he was going to gay bars: “’Where do you go if you want a loaf of bread?’ I asked him. ‘A baker’s, I suppose.’ ‘Where do you go if you want a leg of lamb?’ ‘A butcher’s.’ ‘So why do you keep going to that bloody poofs’ club?’”

Sadly, the clash with Clough turned from bad to worse. Justin’s performance went into a tail-spin. Desperate for emotional reassurance, he turned to evangelical Christianity, which further screwed up his life. With his church damning homosexuality, he became conflicted and stressed. Desperate attempts at relationships with women failed. While publicly proclaiming Christian celibacy, he ended up resorting to furtive gay sex. This made it impossible for him to have a stable same-sex relationship.

Caught between God and gayness, he suffered intense emotional and psychological turmoil.

Justin became erratic and unpredictable, both on and off the pitch. His sometimes bizarre, indefensible behaviour can only be fully understood in the context of a potentially brilliant football career cut short, largely by homophobia. He became trapped in a downward spiral of declining football prowess, bad debts, unreliability, false claims about sexual affairs with politicians and soap stars and desertion of long-standing friends, including me.

By the late 1990s, Justin had embarked on a new career coaching the US football team, Maryland Mania. Hopes of a fresh start were shattered in April 1998 when he was accused of sexual assault of a 17-year-old youth. Claiming he would not get a fair trial, he fled back to Britain. On 3 May, he was found hanged in a deserted lock-up garage in London.

His suicide note denied the charges, claiming that the sex was consensual and that he was being blackmailed by his accuser. Part of the note read: “I realised that I had already been presumed guilty. I do not want to give any more embarrassment to my friends and family.”

Whatever the truth about these allegations, Justin had — like all of us — his share of failings. Without excusing these mistakes, they were the culmination of a lifetime of rejection that began when, as a young boy, he was given up by his mother and put in a Barnardo’s children’s home.

Despite all the rejection he endured, Justin had a remarkable, praiseworthy capacity for forgiveness. Talking of the hurt inflicted on him by others, and acknowledging his own errors of judgement, Fashanu wrote in 1994: “I don’t think you ever forget those mistakes, or the mistakes that other people make that wound you, but it is important to forgive.”

Justin Fashanu was a trailblazing star – he was not flawless, but a star nonetheless.

(Peter Tatchell is director of the Peter Tatchell Foundation)

#Pride Month 2022 #Justinus Soni Fashanu #Justin Fashanu #England National Team #Norwich City #Adelaide City #Nottingham Forest #Southampton #Notts County #Brighton & Hove Albion #Los Angeles Heat #Edmonton Brickmen #Manchester City #West Ham United #Leyton Orient #Southall #Hamilton Steelers #Toronto Blizzard #Leatherhead #Torquay United #Airdrieonians #Trelleborg #Heart of Midlothian #football #fussball #fußball #foot #fodbod #futbol #futebol

[lastoneout]

I’m not going to get into the catalyst behind this post cuz it's a mess and also this is probably not super coherent because I’m pissed BUT I really think these days the queer community could use a bit of a refocus on is the concept of coming out or being outed.

Like I know we're barely better off than we were even just ten years ago and lots of us live in blue-leaning places or have supportive families and we've been spoon fed a steady diet of "being in the closet is shameful bcs you're hiding who you are and it's better to live your truth(tm)" and "if you don't list your sexuality/gender somewhere you aren't allowed to talk/write about xyz topic" and “only queer people can play queer people” bullshit to the point that we now feel comfortable demanding actors and writers disclose their orientations lest they be canceled, but y'all need to remember that being queer is an incredibly personal thing that can change every single aspect of your life for the rest of your life, and because of that absolutely NO ONE should EVER feel obligated to out themselves when they don’t want to.

Because I don’t care how progressive your city/community is or how cool your family is or how rich you are, coming out as queer will change your life. It will change how people talk to you, how they treat you, how your family treats you, how your co-workers treat you, where you can live, what sorts of jobs you can take, how SAFE you are from day to day, it will change EVERYTHING. And sure, some of those changes might be for the better, and if you’re really lucky there might not even be that many changes at all, but it still will change things and even potentially put your life in danger, and you have a right to look at all that and say “no thanks”. Not now, not to these people, not to my family, not to my co-workers, not to the strangers around me, maybe not ever to anyone at all. That is a choice that every single queer person has the right to make and no one, ESPECIALLY OTHER QUEER PEOPLE, should get to take that choice away from us.

Like argh this is part of why I’m so defensive of ‘Love, Simon’, as sanitized and imperfect as it is. The part of the film where Simon gets outed to the ENTIRE SCHOOL against his will is so painful and honest because if you have ever had the choice of when and where and who to come out to taken away from you you then KNOW that pain. It’s horrible and humiliating and terrifying and no one should EVER have to go through that. And that’s also why it enrages me that the author of the books FELT THE NEED TO OUT HERSELF AS BISEXUAL WHEN SHE WASN’T READY TO GET THE PEOPLE SAYING SHE WAS WRONG TO WRITE STORIES ABOUT QUEER PEOPLE WHEN SHE WAS “STRAIGHT” OFF HER BACK. God, if that doesn’t piss you off I don’t even know what to say.

(And it’s ALSO why I hate people speculating about what internet celebs might be gay or trans eggs or whatever like fucking christ just leave people ALONE.)

Yes, I get wanting there to be more queer people. I get wanting famous people you like to be queer too. I think someone coming out is something to celebrate! It can be beautiful and empowering and validating, it can help other people come to terms with their own identities, especially if the person is famous, but coming out is never really all positives. It won’t magically make your life perfect, it always comes with losses, with dangers, with changes, and we need to remember that before we come for another “straight” actor until they out themselves to get us to leave them alone.

Being openly queer is personal and life-changing and DANGEROUS and coming out is an incredibly personal choice that should always be left to the person in question. You are not owed someone’s sexuality or gender identity. No one is obligated to tell you, or anyone, that. There are LOADS of times when being openly queer is dangerous and scary and it’s normal to want to keep yourself safe if you can. Maybe we do hide in the closet sometimes, but not from ourselves, we’re taking refuge because we live in a world that isn’t made for us, full of people that hate us and will treat us differently, and if we aren’t ready to step outside of it WE DON’T HAVE TO.

No one owes you anything, so leave other people the fuck alone.

- Signed, A queer person who is going to have to hide every aspect of her sexuality and gender identity when she drops off her ballot this year because she lives in a hell state that says armed independent "observers" are allowed to hang out at ballot drop boxes and intimidate anyone who looks like they might vote against the candidate saying she wants to round queer people up and put them in camps.

#long post #vent #ignore me #this has been a long time coming Im really angry #ask to tag #current events

[tiredqueertranarchist]

Hello, I’m Ameera a 23 years old Muslim lesbian who is trying to come out, I’ve been in the closet with my girlfriend for way too long, because of how dangerous and hard it is to come out as a lesbian to a religious Muslim family, but me and my girlfriend have decided to do whatever it takes and risk it all to come out, do you mind supporting and encouraging us?, though I know we all have what we dealing with, so I’m not imposing we just need all the support and encouragement we can get, check my pinned post for more information on how you can support, if you are a Muslim queer and you are out, please help with tips on how to make it less complicated, any word of advice is also really needed, we really wanna come out but we need y’all 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ pride please come through for us, I believe pride is for all

Salam sister! Sorry if this has been in my inbox for a while, I'm often on mobile so it's hard to find my asks.

I was raised Muslim (I am no longer religious really, but I still feel connected to Muslim identity however), and I am out to my family as nonbinary and queer. However what has been the case for me, will not be the case for everyone. I will try my best to explain what helped for me, but I cannot guarantee if it will work for you, or if it will be safe.

That being said, I'm proud of you and your girlfriend for your commitment to making sure your lives are the happiest and best they can be! Coming out can be one part of that, it's not necessary or an obligation though, I hope you know - it's not wrong or cowardly to remain closeted until you are sure you have the ability to keep yourself safe.

In fact, my number one thing when coming out was to find ways to make sure I would be safe, no matter what happened. That meant making sure I had somewhere to go if I was kicked out of home. It included making sure I had money saved that was my own so I could survive independently if needed. It meant that I needed a community of people physically near me, friends, LGBTQ+ orgs, etc. That knew what I was going through, so that they could be there to catch me if I fell.

My second thing was building up my coming out beforehand, so it didn't come as an absolute shock. This took months, arguably years. I needed to find ways to slip queer things in conversation - for example, when marriage equality came up, I asked my family's views on it, listened to what they said, and made mental notes, without arguing, so I could figure out who was safest to tell. I have the additional "benefit" of being the kind of queer person that has never been able to appear cishet - even as a toddler, people were confused about my gender. As I prepared to come out, I needed to get comfortable being queer myself, and unlearning the ways I learned to hide it in shame. Then, I slowly let more of myself show through. I did this without explicitly saying anything - the key was to act confidently, and shrug off questions with humour or a smile, as casually as possible. I found that if I acted confident (keyword acted: I didn't feel confident but I learnt to fake it till I made it) enough though, rarely do people try to challenge you.

Third was the actual coming out, which involved lots of preparation. It meant selecting a day and time that would be calm and not busy. I personally selected a day before I was going on a trip, so my family and I would have some space after to process it. I made sure to tell my support network when I planned to do it, and what we planned to do if it went wrong to keep me safe. I made myself a script, which included details I felt were important. This included explanations of what being queer meant, and things my relatives may have observed throughout my life that show that I have always been queer (and while this should not have been needed, it can be important to some kinds of relatives , so they know it isn't a phase, even if there is nothing wrong with phases). This script wasn't written for me, it was written solely with my family in mind, so it pulled on their experiences and their values, whether I agreed with them or not. This was important in helping them to react more calmly.

Fourthly, coming out was not a quick process for me. After the first time I came out to my mother and brother, my mother forced me back into the closet, and I had to come out again and again, just to her, over the next few years. She did not accept me, and it made my life very hard, but thanks to making sure I had a support network, I managed to stay sane, and I stayed with her till I was 21, when I had finally saved up enough money to escape. Once I left home, I had to largely cut contact with her. This wasn't easy, it was like cutting off a limb, but it was for her to decide whether she wanted to mend our relationship or not. I was not going to have a relationship with someone who was going to hurt me, or deny who I was. Only after 2 years of minimal contact, my mother has started reaching out, and changing her ways. She realised she cares more about her child than about her old ideas of what a person is supposed to be. She still isn't there yet, but it is a start.

Fifthly, coming out was not a one time process for me. I have to come out in small ways, of course, regularly to each new person I meet. But even with my family, I only told my mother, and for 8 years, she was the only one I worked on trying to get to accept me. Unfortunately, I found out that she was outing me to people without my consent, and using the opportunity to make herself seem like a good and progressive mother, which she wasn't in practice. So this year, in order to take control of the narrative, I came out to the rest of my family. I had to do it all at once, because gossip spreads in the community. I chose to do it safely, from my own home, by posting videos on Facebook. I wrote a script and practiced it with my supports. I then recorded a version of me coming out and explaining my identity in English, and I did a recording of the same speech, but in my family's native tongue, so that they could all understand what I was saying. I then went offline for the next day, and took care of myself. I only checked the reactions people had over the weekend, and thankfully they were positive. After that, I have decided not to revisit it.

I won't lie, I know my example probably isn't what most people would want to hear, it's complicated and takes a long time, but I know my family, and this was the best and safest way for me to go about coming out for me. It may be different for you! Inshallah they accept you and love you as you are, but even if not, remember you are loved and worthy of love. It may just take them some time (which, of course, doesn't excuse them if they choose to hurt you!), but it's your decision whether you want to give them that time or not . It's your life, and with the help of your loved ones and your community, you should be able to make the choices in it. Even if some of them never come around, you always have a place in the world, and there is always new family to find and build, Alhamdulillah!

#ask

[therandomavenger]

What Pride Means to Me

Step into the wayback machine with me for a moment.

The year is 1995. It’s the middle of summer. I am sitting in a movie theater with my best friend, Jennie, and we are watching one of the most popular films of that year, Mel Gibson’s Braveheart. <I thought you were going to write about Pride, you say? Give me a moment.>

Now, this is an entertaining film, made with obvious passion. It has a moving story and great performances. Its main villain is the English King, Edward I, played by Patrick McGoohan. Amidst all the major and minor characters is the character of Edward’s son, Prince Edward. As a prince, he’s not living up to his father’s expectations. And, though it’s ever really stated on screen, one of the reasons for this is he’s always in the company of his best friend, who is obviously also his gay lover.

The prince and his lover are mewling and foppish, presented without any redeeming qualities. The lover encourages the prince to stick up for himself against his father, and this all comes to a head in one scene in the middle of the film, where Edward is commanding the prince to do something, the prince protests, the lover says something cutting to the king, and the King grabs the lover and throws him out of the nearest window, to his death.

In the film, this moment is played entirely for laughs. And it got a big laugh from the audience I was sitting in. And in all the commentary this film has garnered over the years, I’ve not seen one other person mention this scene, let alone how problematic it is.

Now, clearly Edward II is the villain in this movie. It’s not like the main hero did this. But still, it doesn’t even seem to be added by the narrative to the list of Edward’s crimes. Indeed, the audience sympathizes with his frustration, and supports this casual murder. The prince is given very little further space in the story, merely doing what his father wants the rest of the film, his trauma unremarked upon.

I think I even laughed at this scene the first time that I saw it, because it’s presented as a moment of physical comedy. But I’ve thought about this scene a lot over the years, obviously, since it’s coming up in a blog post 28 years later.

This kind of thing was common in the 90’s. If gay people existed in media at all, we were disposable. The first victims of a murderer. Films that explored our lives focused mainly on the traumatic parts, and usually had one or more characters dying of AIDS (Philadelphia, I’m looking at you).

Now, I am including myself in that group now, but back then I would not have. While I was aware that I was attracted to guys, I kind of buried that deep within myself, sealing it up in a box that I did not dare open. It was my most shameful secret, one that I’d die to keep. And is it any wonder I didn’t want any part of it, given the examples I was seeing? I had no vision of happy gay people, living their truth. Now, I am aware that they existed. There have been gay writers and filmmakers putting out work for a long time. I’m not saying they didn’t exist. But they did not have a large audience or any kind of promotional budget and I, living in a small town in Indiana, was not aware of them.  

I think the first example of a non-traumatized gay character I came across was Matt in Melrose Place. And while Matt was canonically gay, and allowed to have a romantic life on screen, he was forced by the network sensors to say goodnight to every one of his dates with a firm handshake. So, it was technically representation, but was it really …?

I had never heard of Pride month back then, and I wouldn’t have done anything about it if I had. I didn’t say the words, “I am gay” to myself until I was 32. And it would take another 14 years for me to say it to another person.

So, Pride … I think I became aware of Pride around the time the gay marriage supreme court case went through. Now, I was out to myself at the time, but so deep in the closet that I could see Narnia. I was married to a woman and raising my children, and I thought ‘I might be gay, but it doesn’t mean anything because this is the life I chose for myself, and it would hurt too many people to disrupt.’ But when that decision came down, I felt so much joy. I knew why but didn’t say this to anyone. Because I knew it meant that someday, if circumstances changed, I would be able to live as my true self. I would not have to hide forever. And maybe that planted the seed that I wasn’t as trapped as I thought I was.

That year was the first time I noticed Pride going on. And I wanted to be part of it but couldn’t let myself. I wasn’t ready to blow apart my life yet. I wouldn’t be for another four years. So, Pride to me means standing up and being counted. If Braveheart were made today, I don’t think they would casually murder the prince’s lover and play it for laughs. There are popular network shows where gay people get to kiss their boyfriends and girlfriends on screen.  This even happens on so-called ‘family shows,’ (case in point my late, beloved Willow).  Queer people are allowed to live their lives in the open, and in most places in the west, are given equivalent rights to straight people.

Now, in recent years we have been reminded that there are still many people who would gladly throw us out the nearest window. But those people are a minority. A sizable, vocal minority, yes, but a minority. Most people have a ‘live and let live’ attitude toward queer people now. People I once thought would never accept me if I came out of the closet and started living an authentic life have embraced me and welcomed my boyfriend into the family. Being gay has gone from being my most shameful secret to being one of the things I like most about myself. I’ve gone from praying to be straight to realizing that if I had the chance to be straight, I wouldn’t take it. It may not be a choice for me, but if it were, I’d choose to be queer. There’s nothing wrong with me (at least if there is, it’s not this).

So, that’s what Pride means to me. We can be proud of who we are. We can be the people we were created to be, and love the people we were created to love, no matter what gender that person is. It’s a giant middle figure to the people who want to push us back into the closet. We’re Here! We’re Queer! Go Fuck yourself!

I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self that he would one day be able to accept every part of himself, and that it would be okay to be that person. He lived in pain for so many years, hating himself, afraid to even let himself be aware of what he really wanted. But those days are over, and we will stand together as a community and refuse to be forced back into those dark days. That’s what Pride is, a signal that we exist and are valid.

originally published on chadgrayson.com

#gay stuff #blog posts #pride #braveheart

[pinkycustomworld]

About EA's T.O.U regarding mods/cc

Thanks to Creator Updates on Tumblr, who linked to EA's Terms of Use, I can now with a happy face say that EA allows for using early access on custom content. Which means, I will continue doing my early access, like I have done so far. And to "celebrate" and say thanks to my sweet patreons who didn't leave when I was unsure of the situation and choose to stop my uploads temporarily (even though it did not last that long) I will very soon put out 3 or 4 early access at once which I hope will be appreciated😊 Also, for September, I will pause the payment as a celebration of my birthday, so anyone who are already a patreon, or who pledges before september, will get September free (I will make a reminder post with more details about it when we are getting a bit closer to september)

And here it is, EA saying Early Access is okay

If you are interested in reading the whole Terms of Use from EA considering mods/cc, you can read it HERE 

I also want to say thanks to all the amazing creators out there and CC/mods users who did NOT go out there, trashing creators for their choice to create cc and trying to live off their joy & hobbies by doing early access. You guys are awesome, and good karma will come your way ❤

Seeing how the sims community have been the last few days on twitter and tumblr (in particular), have made me ashamed of being part of such and awful, hateful, ignorant and horrible community. I can't understand how people can be so mean, and so horrible towards each other in an community who are supposed to be known for being loving, supporting and friendly. I do feel so sorry for all creators this hate have affected the last few days. It is not okay to treat people like shit just because some vague news, faked screenshots and people screaming loud without having the whole picture. My heart goes out to everyone who have gotten hate, disrespect and horrible comments these days❤

And to those who have been going crazy and treating people like shit, SHAME ON YOU !!! You should know better than acting like this. It's disgusting seeing how you all been acting! Creators are just people too, trying their best to do something nice and something they enjoy. You all should be ashamed for even being capable of acting like this towards people you don't even know. I am a believer in karma, and karma will come and give you all what u deserve. And most of you, should probably take a look in the mirror, or your own closet before you start judging others and being this level of rude !

But anyways In short terms this means: - I will keep doing Early Access as I been doing so far (And i will still NEVER use patreon exclusive or any other form for paywall exclusive) - My early access will last 7 days or 14 days. Never any more - Patreon tiers will stay the same, and benefits will stay the same - And life will go back to normal again

(CC used in the sim picture at top is listed in my original patreon post with cc links included)

Are you against me (or any other creators) doing early access? Feel free to unfollow. I don't care. If you have any opinions or something you want to say? My ask box and direct messages are always open (here and on all of my social media sites). And by the love of goth, if you are going to trashtalk or be nasty, please have the courage to do it off anon, don't be a coward hiding being anon if you are gonna pretend you are a bigshot speaking your mind 😸

#info #about ea terms of use #about early access #simblr #early access

[mike-el]

First of all I want to say that its not really my place to discuss an issue like this because it’s partially something I’m not a part of, BUT: we need to establish and clarify as people that WOMEN struggles (anyone who identifies as a women) are much greater than homosexual white men struggles. Gay men have struggled and continue to struggle every day, I’m not denying that. However, we need to (as people who respect both gay men and women) recognize that gay white men are still white men. I am so sick and tired of seeing women in this show fight for their lives to be recognized just for yet another white man (regardless of orientation) to come and suck all the viewers’ sympathy. And YES I am speaking about el and will. I love will dearly he’s one of my favorites (and bylers will never ruin him for me) but to say that his struggles “as a closeted teenager in the 80s” are more real than “a disabled abused girl” who’s been experiencing misogyny pretty much since the day she was born is fucking insane. I’m sorry that will is struggling but he’s gonna be fine, I promise you that he will be fine, it’s still sad but he’s fineeee. Yes el is privileged in the sense that she can express her feelings towards the person she loves freely but please tell me how that makes her life so much easier than will when she’s a fucking women in the 80s that should be enough, but even then that’s not even why she’s had it worse and you know it. Give me a fucking break. Will (one of the most well written characters in the show) continues to be the most selfless person on this show and his fans somehow make up for that by making every fucking thing about him. Ask any gay person in the 80s about wills story arc and I promise you they will relate. And I’m saying all of this because once season 5 comes out and El gets her happy ending with mike you best believe that will fans are going to invalidate her happy ending for will not getting his. I know they will give him his happy ending, but if they don’t for some reason I want everyone separate their own frustrations with their blatant misogyny. Please stop being misogynistic towards El, please.

OK, I think this ask deals with 2 completely separate issues and it is important to clarify the separation.

It is not my belief that LGBT people don't experience oppression nor is it my belief that gay men do not have a history of oppression. To say "Will is going to be fineee" is understating not only the character's experience, but the experiences of all those who lived in this time period. The AIDS crisis happened in the 80s; a lethal disease came out of nowhere and wiped out entire communities of LGBT folks, majorly gay men, while the government watched and did nothing. To have LGBT rep in a show about the 80s is actually super important considering the historical context, and it is actually why I understand the Duffers' decision to hold off on official coming out moments for Robin and, especially, Will. It is an authentic representation of the time period, and it honors the struggle of self-acceptance that was most likely a lot more difficult 40 years ago. In my personal opinion, it would be insulting to the experience of those people who identified LGBT in the 80s (some who married and lived lives in heterosexual relationships in order to protect themselves) to have romantic relationships come easily to Will and Robin or to have them not experience fear or shame. Only by authentically representing something can we shine light on the truth and learn from it.

It is also not my belief that we should be in some weird oppression war of who has got it worse. And I certainly hope that my blog does not come across in this way. Gay men and non-LGBT women both face different hardships in modern society, as they did in the 80s, and I don't think it's necessary to compare the two. Both can, and do, exist simultaneously, and we should be supporting one another.

All of this is separate from fandom discourse regarding El, Will, and B*ler.

It is my belief that El is perceived by many members of this fandom from a (majorly internalized) misogynistic lens. And, it's been my personal experience, that the members of the fandom who discuss el in this way tend to also strong supporters of b*ler. However, there are many important things to remember. First, being a b*ler shipper and identifying as LGBT do not go hand in hand. Second, that b*ler does not serve as the only LGBT representation on Stranger Things. And lastly, the oppressive experiences of being LGBT are not erased by having bad takes on El.

The only point I have ever tried to make is not that Will's story is less important than El's, nor that being a woman is harder than being gay (I wouldn't even know how to quantify those experiences into a value that is measurable for comparison), but that El's story is important, as is the storyline of her relationship with Mike. No more or less, it just is. And to erase that story that has been fleshed out over the course of four seasons to make room for a story that was never planned (Mike & Will), just to service fans, would be a misogynistic act, yes. As you say, it takes the light off of the main female character and shines it on two white boys. But, also, to do this (go Mike & Will in the final season) would also invalidate the experiences of those of any gender or sexual orientation who have been watching and see themselves represented in El, those who have been affected by abuse and trauma (especially women), and deserve to to see her find happiness and healthy love.

Those who identify with Will or Robin also deserve that representation, and it is also important. However, b*ler is not the only path to representation, and to actually go that route in canon would be disrespectful to the story that has already been written and to those who see themselves in El. It is absolutely possible to honor the experiences of Will and Robin and those who identify as LGBT by writing good story and character arcs for those characters and have them end the show in happy and fulfilling relationships, without making b*ler canon.

So, this is my long-winded way of saying it is unwise of any member of this fandom to mistake our personal feelings and opinions of a show with real life experiences. In order to honestly evaluate if something in this fandom or this show is problematic, I feel like we have to remain as objective as possible. I know firsthand the difficulty of that; I am not perfect and I am not shaming anyone for holding this show and certain storylines/characters close. I certainly do. But I don't think we should be dismissing real life oppressions and hardships, and history, so freely in the name of supporting a fictional character and/or relationship.

PS: why do I have these super long asks in my ask box about how this fandom disrespects women and gay people but never once has anyone brought up the blatantly fucked up way this show and fandom handles the representation of Black people and POC on the show? Just a thought.

#tw discourse #long post #asks #I share a thought

[mushroomrealestate]

TW abuse!!

OK so I used to be obsessed with cartoons back in the day and idolized cartoon creators. Was never a fan of Rick and Morty though. (I don’t want anyone to take this as me shaming anyone who has been! Certainly not the case. The show was simply not my cup of tea.)

However, with all the stuff coming out about Justin Roiland, I am hoping and praying that creators I idolized when I was younger don’t turn out to be scumbags as well. I know some of them have connections with him, but I don’t know their stories or their hearts, or anything about their personal lives with him so I don’t want to take that as anything to do with their character just yet.

As someone with OCD, I simply don’t know if I would be able to take it. My biggest idol back in the day was Alex Hirsch. All of this stuff about Roiland led me to look deeper into Hirsch because I know they are or were friends and have collaborated a lot. All I was able to find was ‘he said she said’ stuff that was not confirming actual crimes, but was still pretty shitty if it was true. I have no way of knowing if it’s true though, because people say shit on the internet all the time! If anyone has definitive proof of if shitty things did or didn’t go down though I would like to know because I don’t want to support abusers/abuse enablers.

Now, I’m just trying to put myself in the shoes of people who have had connections with Roiland if that makes sense. I know it’s a new situation, and I would, of course, not be so quick to completely turn against somebody I’ve known well for years based on allegations I have no way of proving, but I don’t know. I don’t know these people at the end of the day. And, if he by some miracle happens to be innocent himself, then this entire post is pointless. I highly doubt it though.

I just really hope that’s not the case because the amount of time I have invested into Hirsch’s work is time I would never get back. Already had a lot of crap to work through because of traumatic experiences within the fandom when I was much younger. At the end of the day, those experiences were not his fault, nor had anything to do with him, so I’ve been able to heal a lot.

I was watching Gravity Falls with my little brother just yesterday. This show was literally what got me obsessed with cartoons and had me taking art and animation classes and trying to develop ideas for shorts and original series. I own a signed copy of journal three. I’ve cosplayed multiple characters multiple times. I own so many figures and books and posters and a complete Blu-ray box set. I have made entire sketchbooks worth of fanart in my lifetime, and even a custom doll.  I don’t display any of these anymore, they are in a box in my closet, but I still own them.

I’m already spiraling enough because of Roiland’s involvement in the show. I know that Louis C.K. was also in the show, but his voice was dubbed over by Hirsch himself after he was confirmed to be an absolute creep. Maybe, in the best case scenario, this could happen with Roiland’s character as well?

I am also a huge fan of the Owl House. Probably my favorite cartoon currently running. This would definitely affect how I saw that show as well so I hope that’s not the case. Please be a good person Dana Terrace.

Closing statement: Please be at least a decent human being Hirsch I’m begging you please don’t let me down. And, if all of these people do in fact turn out to be abusers/abuse enablers, I hope that the truth is widely accessible, and that they are able to be brought down, and that nothing like this is ever allowed to happen again.  A lot of shitty stuff has been done to me in my lifetime and I never want to brush off it happening to somebody else because I happen to like a cartoon. It’s okay to have complex feelings about shows now. Works of fiction are complex and shows like these have lots of people working on them. Still, at the end of the day, victims are more important than cartoons.

If you have read until the end, thank you so much. Apologies for my grammar. I know it’s not the best and I know there are probably plenty of spelling and punctuation mistakes throughout this. Thank you again. Please be safe out there.

#tw abuse #justin roiland #alex hirsch #rick and morty #gravity falls

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Yeah and it's just like... I understand my mom, I really do. She's emotionally about 14 and will probably be stuck there forever. I get that not having taken care of the tea makes her feel like a fuck up. I get it

It's just hard when you can't ever say something to someone without them making it about them. It's not intentionally manipulative, but it means no one can talk to you. So I just didn't need my friend out of nowhere sticking up for my mom

(Once again, taking stabs at understanding people, I'd say my friend has been feeling bad about her relationship with her mother, and so likely was in a mindset of trying to be understanding towards mothers. Which like I can get, but also be frustrated by)

Not to mention that like... things now because I basically turn off all my emotions and forget who I'm dealing with, and as much as she annoys me she's better than she used to be and I may not like having her here but it works

But like there's a lot of history between me and my mom, and like... it's not good

Stuff like when I was around 12 I hadn't gone to soccer practice, and she comes in at like 6am to give me a long rant, and I don't remember any of it except the last thing she said was "and good luck ever getting married, because who'd ever want to marry a loser like you" (shame she was right, but still not cool to say to a kid)

So just like... I don't know... I really don't

I like the friends I've made on here, they care, but for one thing I wonder how much they actually know me or would like... various stuff about me that things they've said make me think they wouldn't like

Also though just like but they're kind of bad at it. It ranges from my friend who... I mean she recently said that if I really needed support she was here for me, but like... how do I get it. I've said verbatim "I'm doing very badly today" and she didn't even respond. She cares, but how do I get that other than just having it randomly dropped on a post about me being suicidal saying she cares?

Then my other main friend, she cares but I can't talk to her because me being upset upsets her too much. She also has a tendency to lash out when she isn't doing well, which I forgive but it makes it hard to be close. I like her, but various stuff she does just makes me put distance there

Then every other friend I have on here tends to have so much going on in their lives that I want them to put themselves first. I want things to be onesided for now, me supporting, them just talking to me when they need to vent but like... if they got in a stable position, would that dynamic change? ...I doubt it

Oof, I've done it again. Never seem to be able to say something in less than 15 paragraphs, huh?

I'm just tired... you know, I texted a suicide hotline, and as I was leaving they asked me about my support system and I was like "don't really have one, it's usually me being there for my friends"

"That's great! I'm so glad you have that!"

I swear I just kill reading comprehension some how

My support system is me and my coping skills. I could say more, but it's kind of too personal I think. In many ways they're good coping skills though

I feel like I have to do everything myself, because I do. I've been too tired to break down all the boxes my mom is always ordering, so now they're piling up. Anything I don't do doesn't get done, so I just want to get myself to where I'm doing them

Like 4 hours of work a day and I could make my life a paradise, not even kidding really... I just can't move my body when I tell it to move... I just stare at what I want to work on and... can't

I don't know... my mental health is clearly bad, and yet in many ways I think I'm doing better than a lot of the people around me

Sorry... I think I lost my point here. I just... you know, what I wish I could do is just lop off my head and have my body programed to do the tasks I want done and then store itself in a closet when not working. I want to be gone but get the work done, cause it's good work, it's work I care about, it's fixing my house that I love

I'm just tired of existing and even sleep is unpleasant to me these days

Anon, honey, your mom calling you names like that is exactly the kind of thing that drives someone to grow up thinking they owe it to everyone around them to be each and every one's personal anchor/safety net while believing no one will ever care about them.

I....This is one of those places where I can tell that I'm really struggling to turn off therapist mode, because I see such an immense weight of self-disgust and a thousand little cuts in the voices of people you have loved and trusted with your vulnerable spots. I don't ever want to dictate your story, but speaking as someone who has been there? Really and genuinely, been so alienated from everyone I loved all while doing literally everything I could conceivably do on their behalf because I was convinced that if I did any less I made as well just lay down and die right there. It was all I was worth.

It doesn't have to be like that. It really doesn't. No matter how much you're absolutely sure it does. I promise that's the depression talking. The emotional starvation, the feelings of brokenness, the unending isolation of it all. It doesn't have to drown you.

I don't say this to give you advice but to acknowledge that I see you reinforcing the cruelty others have already inflicted on you and it makes me so sad to see you speak about yourself with such surity that you aren't worth anyone's time. That you need to keep apologizing for the act of existing vulnerably in my presence. Putting others on a pedestal while kneeling in a pit below them. I wish that you wouldn't treat yourself that way. And I know that doesn't really mean anything because it's far easier said than done. Me wishing it won't make it any more likely to happen. But it makes me very sad to see anyone in this much pain so adamently insist that aren't worth loving.

I always liked the turn of phrase from my own faith of praying with your feet. It's all well and good to pray for something, but unless you're willing to march for your cause, labor in your field, or defend others who are vulnerable, that prayer is just words. To act is to go with G-d. To serve your community is to manifest divinity. This is not to preach of course, I was raised by athiests who were amusedly surprised I turned out observantly Jewish, and my favorite story to tell is the day I brought my wife to schul with me for the first time and she was welcomed by the members who asked what we thought of the service. Wifey was nervous but honest and admitted she felt uncertain about it because she didn't believe in G-d. To which the elderly head of the Board replied "Who needs to believe in G-d? I sure don't!" and suddenly wifey was no longer nervous lol.

I guess my point is, there are a lot of ways for people's commitments, whether spiritual or mundane, to be revealed as nothing more than the words it took to make them. And that is always quite hurtful, but especially so when you have been trying to express your needs all along. Listening is a skill few are ever really pressed to cultivate. Personally I like to use versions of Motivational Interviewing for my listening/participating style. Surprisingly effective at making people find you charming and pleasant to be around socially, which was nice as I have always really struggled with being "good company" prior. It's good to learn how to listen, but it's frustrating to feel like others don't return the favor, and it can really wear away at your self confidence.

Anyway, thank you for dropping in, Anon, and I hope you always feel welcome to drop me a message in whatever format you choose.