#also sometimes i get kinda like. passionate about things that arent positive?

[hecksupremechips]

Maybe my opinions on things I like are too harsh sometimes 😞

#the klock keeps ticking #i am so like. nitpicky sometimes #and i have bad ocd so sometimes i get so obsessive over things and i have to enjoy them a specific way and it clashes a lot with others #also sometimes i get kinda like. passionate about things that arent positive? #idk how to put it #but for example for some characters i like i kinda like the ugly parts of them a lot #and get really fixated on that #like i do that with akane and ryuki a lot i think and itll sound like i just fucking hate these characters and think theyre garbage #when its more just like. i think about them so much and go through greeeaattt lengths to understand them #and idk lately ive just been really into characters that are relatively good people or at least gray but they do fucked things #and when they do the fucked things im like YES YES YOU ARE SO FUCKING AWFUL I LOVE IT #but then its like oh wait maybe i should calm down because this character is also just like. sad #as for other opinions sometimes i just go too uhhhh. oopsie doopsie on them #now people might think that im claiming the ai games are horrible copaganda 😳 #when in reality i just wanted to like. talk about how boss and date abuse their power and i got really passionate #cuz i think its really interesting #oops 😩

[fandomfluffandfuck]

hi S ok you definitely dont have to answer this bc its basically just me venting and its pretty lame haha but im curious if its something you've ever dealt with or if u have advice... basically i have diagnosed ASD and marvel is my special interest and has been since i was a kid and im pretty positive its going to stay my favorite thing for the rest of my life lol. and sometimes i get so sooo sad and kinda lonely thinking about the fact that like .. i know its basically still one of the biggest fandoms out there but like all my favorite fics were posted like 5-10 years ago mostly from authors that arent even in the fandom anymore and theres never gonna be another movie with steve and bucky together that everyone gets excited about and wants to talk about and theres also just so much less of a fun goofy little tight knit community for stucky on tumblr and online like ... idk i just miss so bad when the mcu was at its peak and there was so much content to consume and so many people passionate about it... and i know theres definitely still a huge presence and like im so thankful that youre an author that i love thats still super active and im always glad to visit your page and to see that theres still so many fans out there that care and wanna interact yknow. but tumblrs different now and its been like ten years since peak stucky content and the actors are all doing their own thing now idk it just makes me sad 😩😩 i feel like such a loser saying it i swear i have other interests and an irl life that is very fruitful and lovely hahaha its just makes me a bit frustrated at my autism because i know i wont be able to ever really stop loving these characters even as others move on

Hey, sweets!

I understand what you mean and you're not a loser, not at all. It's fucking great to have an interest in something, anything--what else is life for? You gotta have something to be focused on and interested in that gives you joy, otherwise, what is there? Just blandness. And, yeah, Marvel fandom is still very much active and that's wonderful and great! But, it's also true that it will never be the same as it was in its heyday. Personally, I wasn't around when the stucky fandom was exploding along the release of CA:TWS/the general MCU height, but I certainly see all the old art, edits, cosplay, etc. that's still reblogged and I've read so many of the fics from years prior, so I have a grasp of what was happening. And I can totally see how you'd miss generally, but especially if your fixation has attached deeply to these characters.

I have a sibling on the autism spectrum (who's old enough to have been diagnosed with Aspergers's syndrome before that was phased out but they are, of course, on the spectrum regardless of arbitrary hierarchical labels that I will restrain from ranting about because I fucking hate that shit, don't talk to me about "high functioning" ugh) and they have a few different life-long hyperfixations as well. So, you're not alone, but, it is hard to think of any actual advice per se. I think you're already doing what you need to be doing, y'know? You're here and enjoying what is going on now, connecting to blogs that are active, finding space where you can talk about these characters, you've got other things to do that also capture your attention, and, of course, you know you're sad about what isn't going on anymore. It's okay to be sad. You can't control what you're passionate about in the same way you can't control who you fall in love with. Are these silly little fictional characters not just people we've fallen in love with a little or a lot, no matter if they don't "exist"? I love that for us. Humans are so cute and full of love.

Fandoms and people change and sometimes it fucking sucks when it happens, sometimes it's great. Either way, it's part of the ecosystem of life. Water and nutrients and air and sun--it makes people change, it makes them grow, and you're allowed to be sad about what they used to be, you just have to keep growing, too. Remember what they were and know who they are now.

Hopefully, something in there helped you feel better, even if it was just from telling someone how you feel.

#asks #stucky #fandom discourse

[normal-thoughts-official]

Concept: enemies/rivals to lovers au where malec decide to hook up and have "hate sex" bc "I hate u but that doesnt mean u arent hot" but then it somehow ends up getting really tender and sweet anyway (bc of course they're both pining whether they realize it or not... bonus angst: magnus realizes and is Hurting alec is oblivious) and afterwards theres just this awkward silence of hm.. that was... Not hate sex

Bonus if it begins rough (not actually hurtful but rough) like alec slams him against a wall and it's all Flirting and Teasing but them they get to the making out and it's less rough and more very soft. (Also thinking alec slams magnus against a wall and magnus, embarrassingly, melts immediately bc he sub,, alec may tease him a little but hes also nonjudgemental and weirdly soft and magnus is like 😊)

hmmmmm i do love this concept but tbh i have trouble imagining a enemies to lovers au with malec because lmao when would they ever hate each other. i mean they had the perfect setup for this with alec being a shadowhunter but they’re just like nope. we ain’t about that life. like dahdsaidhasihdaihda

i guess rivals works tho, like they’re both competitive and turned on by competition oops yeah magnus reinvigorating sure and talented so i can see them both being like, idk athletes or some other shit who cares, and they’re like on opposing teams and there’s a rivalry going on because they’re both the aces

or if we want to be a healthy amount of ridiculous that fits our boys, they are just like. pool rivals in the local bar. izzy or fucking somebody dragged alec to the bar one (1) time and because alec isn’t big on drinking or noise or anything he just beelined to the pool table, and magnus immediately joined him, and they just turned like. VICIOUS. immediately. because they’re both about as good and competitive

so it becomes kind of a Thing - every saturday night they’ll “happen to be at the bar” and “see each other” and be like “i want a rematch” and monopolize the pool table. i mean other people can join them but it’s hell because they’re so focused on each other they just keep quipping and bantering and basically all but ignoring them. and everyone is like sigh. but it’s fun to watch so other ppl quickly start getting there to watch them and making bets and shit, and it gets the bar considerably more popular, so the owners aren’t mad

(i’m picturing that the owners are meliorn/maia/raphael because hoo boy am i a slut for the polycule. maia is the bartender and raphael cooks and meliorn kind of handles logistics. simon is a musician but he plays there all the time too and they’re all together and it’s cute. anyway that’s why magnus is always there, he always comes to see raphael and they spend most of the afternoon talking - idk he works mostly at the counter along with maia? look don’t question me. also earlier there aren’t a lot of people anyway so it’s mostly slow so they’re going around and getting everything ready and magnus helps okay let me have this - until eventually raphael sighs all like “tall boy is here” and magnus turns and sure enough, there is alec and there they go to the pool table)

okay so eventually alec learns that magnus is usually there on tuesdays as well as saturdays, so he starts coming in on tuesdays too because it’s better anyway and he gets to play and unwind with like, less people around, and it’s nice. and that’s when they start to know each other a little more deeply because they can engage in conversation without anyone watching (well. the polycule is definitely watching, but subtly. raphael will deny it in the face of overwhelming evidence but they all know he’s watching and desperately rooting for magnus and getting way too invested in their pool games) and actually like, talk about themselves without feeling weird? you know. usually they start talking to try and “distract” the other but their banter comes in so easily and they do have a lot of common interests and experiences and it just progresses naturally. talking and playing, playing and talking

(lmao there’s probably a point when magnus won’t be able to go to the bar as usual and he lets raphael know and raphael’s all teasingly like “should i tell tall boy not to come then?” and magnus is like don’t be ridiculous. but alec comes in and raphael tells him that magnus isn’t here today and alec is like *SULKS* and maia just kinda pets him on the head and it’s funny and ridiculous okay)

ANYWAY onto the theme of this ask (god why can’t i stick to the original idea for anything ever) they start to know each other better and fall in love and all that jazz, but their whole relationship is like. laced by the competitiveness and the game, you know? so they’re like ah yes haha we’re definitely rivals not friends at all. yes i did tell him some of my secrets and past experiences and we see each other almost every week why do you ask

and there’s obviously a lot of flirting involved because you CAN’T tell me that they don’t get turned on by competitiveness and each other’s skill, okay. like alec will score or whatever it’s called and magnus is equal parts big mad because they’re tied again and just like oh myh ofd so muhc arm jhmmmm strong competentt,,, god please fuck me until i cant speak and magnus has Even More Arm so alec is just watching him (also he’s so graceful and flexible and focused and every time he gets into position to idk what it’s called you get the idea, do the thing, alec is just. mesmerized by his movements and looking respectfully. and then he scores and smirks at him and alec is like god DAMN it you little brat i’m going to fuck you so hard haha what who said that) 

so anyway they flirt a lot and you can’t tell what is bantering and that is flirting anymore, and the sexual (and romantic but they don’t wanna acknowledge that. tbh mostly romantic because while i love some good ole sexual tension i feel like sometimes fics like this rely too much on that and u can’t feel the romance but like, they definitely start to talk about their lives and have a lot of fun together not just sexyal tension you know? like most of the time they’re really just talking normally about their days and they open up and just talking to each other makes them feel so much lighter and that’s why they keep coming back, you know? but they also flirt) tension is thick and eventually they end up kissing kinda roughly and passionately

and YEAH it begins kinda rough like wall slamming and all and magnus is all melty and like of course they’re not gonna do anything kinky because that’s a kinda spur of the moment thing and they didn’t discuss boundaries, or anything. but just like alec towering over him, kissing him roughly, clearly taking control and magnus being super into it and grabbing him and bringing him closer and wrapping his legs around him and just humping him and moaning? hmmm delicious 

anywAY yeah they’re supposed to have “hate sex” (not like really hate but more like, oh my god i’m so tired of you teasing me all the time and being an asshole and my totally rival not anything else, we should fuck about it) but like. they’re just. in love tbh and soon the kisses turn more reverent and alec’s wandering hands get softer and start just exploring and loving and it’s suddenly slow and sweet and he’s kissing every inch of magnus’ skin (even as magnus is kinda bratty like come on alexander, fuck me) and it’s just hmmm just great and loving. and alec fucks him slowly and magnus kisses him deeply and they’re both holding each other close and when magnus comes he lets out this beautiful moan and alec comes too, all like “oh my god, you are so perfect, so beautiful” 

and then they’re kinda like, panting and coming down from the high, and maybe they even kiss again after they’ve come without realizing what they’re doing? just like hmm good and nice and they’re still embracing and alec’s dick is still inside of magnus lol and they kiss slowly and languidly and then they just kind of come down from the high and look at each other like. oh god. shit. fuck 

but there’s no denying it so they’re just kind of like. hm. i guess we should. talk about this? haha. and they do because we stan healthy communication and that’s the story of how malec used hate sex as an excuse to be boyfriends 

#ask #anonymous #au idea #dirty mention #dirty words #sh #malec #malec au

[og-danny-dorito]

Male XMen&MCU matchup pls? SFW&NSFW!5’1 she/her,petite/slim,long straight dark hair&dark eyes,Taurus&ISFJ. Social introvert. Intellectual&passionate about improving lives. Scared easily. Insomniac. I get stressed/anxious&overthink but don't give up. Dorky,awks,silly-like to laugh&make others laugh. Sassy-teases/roasts. Empathetic&super supportive. Romantic, says I love you often&loves hugs/cuddles. Emotional&cries easily b/c I care so much. Likes: karaoke, eating/cooking&board/video games.🦊

of course! oddly enough you seem to go well with the rugged lumberjack types, I'm actually kinda jealous 😂 (also please pardon any errors, i didnt proofread that thoroughly)

I Ship You With... Wolverine and Bucky Barnes!

- okay well fiRST of all my mans Logan is essentially your soulmate

- there are just so many things that you share in common and traits that compliment each other that its hard to deny that you were technically made for each other

- for instance, your personalities may seem like the polar opposite on the surface, but deep down you really do fit each other like puzzle pieces. Logan is mostly an introvert himself and tends to stress over things a lot, even though he never really makes it obvious. your bubbly and warm attitude makes him feel more generally talkative somehow, and your teasing is always met back with an equally snarky response

- and he also kinda likes that you can take things less seriously (he takes things WAY too seriously sometimes- not even blowing things out of proportion just considering them more lethal than they actually are under the guise of assuming a larger threat beneath the surface) usually he’ll actively seek you out when he needs to release streets. not to vent or talk abut himself since he adamantly refuses to do that, but just because being around you feels like things arent really all that bad.that he doesnt need to worry so much

- your affectionate nature is also great! you see, Logan never really displays affection because he doesnt really crave it all that much and ALSO doesnt like feeling that vulernarble around people he doesnt trust, but you’re one of the few exceptions he’ll allow to that strict “No Touching” rule

- its not like he’ll actively seek out your touch cause hes like, definitely not touch starved or anything, but a good way to know that he’d like to have some Affection™ is the signature long-glances-from-across-the-room or surprisingly-soft-manner-of-speaking or, and this is my personal favorite, lingering-touches-on-your-hands

- he tends to exhibit this behavior most commonly when you’re both laying in bed, alone. due to both having insomnia you’re probably awake most of the time anyway, so what better to do then talk aimlessly while you run your fingers through his hair and/or he latches onto you like an entire koala

- good thing is that he can be big spoon during the Scehduled 3am Affection Time since you’re a few inches shorter than him, rather than being the little spoon he’s been with most of the partners taller than him.its surprisingly a nice change of pace, and hes p good at his job at being amoving heat source

- overal 8/10 boyfriend rating, very good teddy bear but takes a while to be emotionally open

- BUCKY however.

- like Logan, he’s not very expressive, but he also hasnt really had many healthy relationships (or relationships at all tbh) and so being given positive affection that isnt for sex...?

- yes, hand it over, immediately

- probably panics a little when you’re hugging him because he automatically has the instinct to defend himself cause he thinks hes being attacked, but once he notices your 5′1″ munchkin self hugging up around his wait while he waters your collective “children” (yes, he calls the plants you’ve adopted together his children cause he wants kids and no i dont take constructive criticism)

- once he realized he isn't being apprehended however?? he kinda tears up. Its not really intentional- he isnt able to keep his emotions in check in this situation cause he just feels so vulernable. so without a word he just picks you up and holds you there for a second so you can put your head on his shoulder.yes your legs are dangling, no you cannot be let go of now

- he probably craves and outwardly pursues the most affection out of the two dudes listed here, but he always feels like its an honor to even touch you and will NOT do so without asking first cause hes Baby™ and respects boundaries

- in return though he has a bunch of boundaries himself. ptsd has caused him to be a bit socially awkward amongst other things, and so he might need you to take the lead in social interactions when you do go out to talk to other people he might not know. thank god you’re both introverted, being out with others all the time makes him really anxious

- your empathetic nature helps him feel more secure since yknow, he kinda stumbles over his words when trying to explain what hes thinking since his thoughts tend to be erratic and jumbles sometimes. he like the feeling of not having to explain incorrectly and usually just silently holds your hand or lays on your lap when hes feeling bad

- you’ve also taught him how to be better, in some ways.he views you genuinely as a blessing he doesn't deserve and treats you as such, and tends to silently admire your traits all the time. have you ever seen those “stolen personality traits” memes?  yeah that’s him like a month into meeting you or living with you or whatever

- dude will steal your jokes even though his delivery is different, say some of your vocal frequents, or even start to carry himself similarly.its subconscious, and he denies it when pressed

- overal 8/10, very sweet boy very kind but cannot for the life of him excercise some godamn self care

[ ~Thank You For Reading!~ ]

[the-sanders-sides]

inidan american (desi) logan

a sequel to this post because people asked for more and i decided that they shall receive (and also i love writing these)

fair warning, logans a bitter kid, and this isnt as positive and happy as romans post. ive experienced two different ways of being desi, one where i lived in fully asian and indian community and didnt even think id ever feel alone, and another where i moved to a place where i havent met another desi in like 7 years of living here in a 3 hour driving radius. in romans post i played into my first experience and how at home i felt. in the second experience, the one im in right now, i am much more bitter about who i am and not really knowing anyone who gets it anymore. so i play into that A LOT in this. so keep that in mind. (and he will get happier in a future part. m planning on making this into a series)

ok so first off. his name is logan sanders. people (mostly other indians) dont believe him when he tells them. he tells them they dont know indian history. they say they do. he tells them that the british fucked around (quite literally) in india for four centuries so of course english names would stick with that precise wording

sometimes when he’s annoyed enough and doesnt want to explain this for the millionth he defends himself with this russel peters skit (watch it, it’s hilarious) because it describes his family. to a T. 

he grew up in a community with not very many asians, and knew no indians outside his family so he felt a sort of disconnect to his culture

while his grandparents and parents would teach him about indian culture, he felt so distant from it since he knew no one outside his family who was indian, and since he didnt have any siblings or any nearby cousins to hang around with

he had visited india once but he was too young to remember it properly or too remember his cousins

the closest mandir was an hour away so that also limited the amount of indian kids/people he knew

he barely knew hindi because everyone in his family spoke english, especially in public

he felt guilty over the disconnect he felt and would always try to bridge it but would never accomplish this because it he kept losing passion since he rarely saw other people like him in the real world and in the media and he didnt see the point of trying

this all changed in eight grade when he moved next door to the Kumar family in a north indian street of some south asian blocks in an asian community

when his family first moved, the Kumar family invited the Sanders over to welcome them

it turns out the Kumar’s had a son who was the same age as logan

“hi logan! im rohan kumar! but i like going by roman instead of rohan!” 

this introduction pissed logan off 

he was seething because why would this kid who got to have an indian first AND last name change his name to an english one! why didnt he see the value of his name!

he knew right away that such a difference meant they could never be friends 

“im logan sanders, but thats all youll get to know about me because i see no use associating myself with someone as... well, ignorant, as you”

roman decides to whip out one of the swears his cousins taught him and whisper shouts “who are you calling ignorant, bhenchod?” 

 it became clear to him that this was new turf, and people on this new turf must be speaking hindi. and that he was the ignorant one if he couldnt talk in hindi. he made a vow to learn it as fast as he could to make sure this roman kid wasnt better than him

but, logan grits his teeth and says “you, and i know it must be true because you were too dumb to understand me the first time”

this evidently struck a sore spot in roman because he didnt fight back but just stalked away. logan smiled slightly, happy to have won that argument

logan asks his grandpa to teach him hindi and his grandpa gets super excited

they start lessons immediately and despite barely hearing it growing up, it’s as if his brain was made for this because he picks the language up amazingly fast and in a months time, while not able to speak back yet, he can understand most casual conversation

his first diwali in basically little india is the most magical thing ever

diwali at his old home was very quiet because there wasnt anyone around to celebrate with

everyone is so happy in this new home however. everyone is dressed up and all the houses are lit up and there are diyas everywhere and he doesnt want to admit it but the kumar’s have the best rangoli on the street and it’s because of roman and he knows roman did it because sometimes he’d stare out of his bedroom window while doing homework and have a perfect view of roman delicately working on it for two weeks

(the kumar’s front porch had been covered with tarp waiting for diwali to make sure romans precious rangoli wasnt stepped on or ruined. when it’s finally let up, everywhere where there could be art, there is. it’s insane how good at colors roman is, logan thinks)

diwali morning: 

he fights his parents because he doesnt want to miss school for diwali because americans dont have a day off for it. his parents set the clocks in the house ahead to make him think he overslept so he would skip school. (logan didnt know that his parents had submitted an excused absence form for religious reasons and that the school was very understanding. he thought it would be like his old school where he wouldnteven bother trying since he wasnt christain and the school was lkinda discriminatory)

they spend the morning in mandir and it’s nice. for once he doesnt feel different from his peers because he goes to mandir and not church or synagogue. he feels at home.

diwali afternoon:

the afternoon is spent with frantic cleaning and cooking and digging around for the diya’s that were still in boxes, packed away from when they moved

logan offered to find them all to continue with a diya science experiment he started two years prior. his theory was that the diya’s were multiplying and there were more each year despite no one buying anymore

this held true, because even though he could only find half of their diya collection, it was somehow more than the entire diya collection of two years prior. 

diwali evening:

theres a big potluck and everyone in the neighborhood is out talking to each other, looking at the decorations at everyones houses, eating samosas, and playing with sparklers. 

logan feels content

he makes a new resolve to learn more about hinduism. if this is what ti was supposed to be, then he never wanted to be away from hinduism. 

he looked at the metaphors and symbolism in everything and finally understood what his dad meant he told logan that hinduism is just science written in poetry and that string theory is written in the ancient texts

middle school in this new town is so much better than middle school in his old home. why?

a. doesnt get bullied for being a nerd

b. doesnt get called gay slurs 

c. the classes are harder 

d. much less racism

e. all of the above

soon enough, logans asking his grandpa to teach him how to cook Indian food

Logan spends the day burning dosas and making lopsided rotis

(eventually he gets the hang of it, and a he'll be cooking food for an infuriating Indian boy ;) ;) psst it's roman)

Speaking of boys

Coming out isn't an option for logan

He knows that his parents arent really religious enough to really look into hinduism and see that no, gays are not bad

But they are traditional and conservative enough to be homophobic

not homophobic as in spewing hate with the westboro baptist church at a pride parade

But homophobic as in "the gays are fine as long as they don't do it in front of me" kinda thing

So Logan stays quiet

the closet kinda sucks but i mean what can he do

it’s safer inside, and he as illogical as wishing is, he wishes that people would use their brains and realize there’s nothing wrong with gay

anyway

in school logan makes his first desi friend, who was dubbed as anxiety years ago and cant seem to get rid of the nickname and now has a whole complex about his name so logan doesnt know his name

logan and anxiety meet in the school library: logan studying and anxiety hiding

people dont like anxiety

especially non-indian kids

surprise surprise it’s an old buddy called racism, but anxiety’s story is for another time

(but even though no one really likes anxiety, whenever racist shit goes down, it has to go through roman)

so logan and anxiety become fast friends

and they make fun of roman (a+ bonding)

logan claims that roman is a hypocrite for changing his name to an english one while being so immersed in indian culture

anxiety doesnt dispute this, but says he has a past with roman

a past that involved getting stuck with the name anxiety

again, another story for another time

one day, when logan and anxiety are eating lunch they see roman destroy some homophobes who throw around the word f*g and keep calling caitlyn jenner, bruce jenner

logans chest surges

he’s all like “what?? emotions?? pride at roman?? is he better than me for being so open and standing up for what he believes in??”

gay panic basically

but logan masked it well and pushed it away

the next day roman comes to school with a pride patch on his jean jacket

logan feels like he cant breathe

logan is supremely jealous of roman.

he can be gay in peace

he can pretend not to be indian in a way that benefits him

and he’s not affected by stereotypes in the same way?? like what does this kid not have

and by stereotypes i mean

roman is the complete opposite of all indian and desi stereotypes: loud, flamboyant, theatrical

logan’s personality is exactly how the stereotypes are. he’s nerdy and likes science and math and it seems like he cant escape the stereotypes. they follow him. and he feels guilty that he likes science and math and is nerdy. 

as illogical as it is, he wishes he was different from how he is

but logan later learns that there are more than just his perspective on being desi and that every desi kid growing up faces challenges about it that are different than his, causing them to experience being desi differently

and logan will accept that, in another story at another time

for now, he’s just bitter. and as illogical as it is, he wishes the world was better

and now, i shall tag some people who asked to be tagged and some other desi’s who loved this because i feel like you guys might appreciate this too. also i love u. desi famders squad up.

@sssixeyedrunt @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @caterpiller-tea @xxxbladeangelxxx @snufflesthegrim227 @cloudchaser7 @thelowlysatsuma 

#logan sanders #logince #virgil sanders #roman sanders #desi #desi headcanons #sanders sides #mine #please love this #r #l #v

[borhapstyles]

Headcanon: First Date with Ben

HEY so it’s my spring break and i’m back temporarily :) i hate saying temporarily but i know that once school starts again i’m never gonna have time to breathe lol but i’d like to think school is temporary, writing for you guys once summer hits will be the real thing <3 

this wasn’t requested but as a starter, i’ve written this headcanon :) sorry if it’s shit, haven’t written in a while so i’m a little rusty. i hope you like the ending though, i certainly do. 

**this is going off the “Meeting Ben” headcanon I wrote a while back xx

“so uhm…”

“yes?” you giggled, brows raised as Ben swallowed harshly

“i-i was wonderin’ if you’d like to go on a date with me.. sometime..?”

“is this not a date?” 

then Ben’s cheeks went red, even more so than they were before

because like

he had been waiting for the right time to ask you on a date since he followed you into that cafe

how was he supposed to know he was gonna spend the next two hours talking to you in that back table

but you looked so lovely underneath the fairy lights of the cafe

and he adored the rose tint on your cheeks whenever you subtly dropped in your love for Queen

that’s another thing, he loved your taste in music

i mean, it’s a given that you liked Queen because of Bo Rhap

but when he learned of all the other bands / artists you loved, he kinda sorta just wanted to kiss you right there

he should’ve

anyways

“n-no, i mean, like a proper date, not that this can’t be considered one, but-”

“i’m joking, i’d love to” you cut him off, more laughs spilling from your mouth

and then you and Ben set a date, a time, and after he insisted on picking you up, you finally let him

the day of, he showed up with your favorite flowers which uh

u didn’t tell him what ur favorite flowers were

he uh.. kinda found out through instagram stalking

he didn’t specifically stalk you

but Joe did

Ben mentioned you to Joe and Joe was quick to find your account

(let’s pretend it’s on public if it’s not)

“oh she’s on public, this is gonna be fun” Joe said to Ben while they were hanging out the next night

“she is?!” Ben jumped over and

for a moment he wanted Joe to like.. stop because he kinda felt weird doing it

but i mean

he also was super super curious to see your posts and kinda also wanted to see more of ur face

so he went along with it

“she might even be funnier than I am” Joe said when he went over one of your captions

“I couldn’t stop laughing when I was with her, she’s hilarious” Ben gushed

“oh wait, what’s that one?” Ben made Joe stop scrolling to click on one of ur pics

it was of u and your friend’s dog

with the caption “don’t tell (your friend’s name) but i’m stealing her dog forever sorry”

“she likes dogs” Ben whispered to himself, a smile on his face as he imagined you with Frankie 

that’s when Joe stopped and looked at his friend

“you’ve known her for a total of 30 hours and yet i’ve never seen anyone do this to you.. you really like her, don’t you?”

Ben sighed, he didn’t want to let himself get so deep so quickly but

there was something about all this that just felt so easy, like it’s come into place

and something about you that made him feel as if he’s known you his whole life even if you had never been to england before meeting him

so Ben just smiled and nodded, hoping he wouldn’t get his heart broken with all the risk he’s taking

and they continued scrolling till Ben got a text from … 

surprise surprise, you 

and completely forgot Joe was there for a moment 

“oh by the way, just so you know, her favorite flowers are…” Joe told him before leaving

“how do you know?”

“her instagram, which, if your elderly ass would bother to learn a little more about, is a great app”

so anyways when Ben showed up with your favorite flowers u were happy and he was happy that u were happy

but also lol because you were staying in an airbnb and didnt rlly know where to put the flowers down

aaaannnywaaaays 

then you two drove out into beautiful London 

the night life was buzzing with Londoners and tourists alike and you couldn’t be happier to be in such a city

much less next to Ben, who if a week ago someone told you you’d be with him 

u might punch them for playing with your feelings

but here you are

“you see that building? that’s Abbey Road studios”

“so much history here, I think I’m in love”

when Ben finally stopped driving

you two were in front of a rather tall building somewhere in the financial district

Ben rushed to your side to open the car door

“can i ask where we are now?” you laughed and Ben chuckled as he finally told you

and he made sure to open the door for you on your way in

im convinced chivalry is still alive and comes in the form of ben hardy 

and u two rode the elevator aaallll the way up 

then you two went through a couple other doors

and then eventually you were met by a host who checked you guys in

then you were led outside

let’s say it summer by the way so you guys arent freezing when u go out

it’s a rooftop area, with outdoor furniture and plants decorating the area

fairy lights strung around the pergola, soft gentle music in the background

there’s a few other couples having dinner but it’s peaceful and everyone’s rather into each other so you know no one’s eyes will be wandering

but your favorite part of the whole thing

was that you could see the entire london skyline from your position, with a table in the perfect spot so no one was blocking the view

“what d’ya think? i-is it too much?” Ben asked shyly as you hadn’t said anything 

but you were in love with the place, your heart filled with joy

“it might be too early to say that this is the best date i’ve ever been on but i will, if that gives you any idea for how i’m feeling” 

as the dinner progressed, any nerves you felt coming in vanished

as did Ben’s

it felt natural, comfortable, meant to be

and when Ben reached over to hold your hand across the table

part of you never wanted him to let go, even if it made it a little harder to eat

in any case, he himself never quite wanted to let go either

with you, he wasn’t Ben Hardy, actor. he was just Ben

and he felt like he could be anyone he wanted to be around you

he loved that even if you were a fan, you never made him feel like he needed to take on the actor-persona he had 

in fact part of you forgot he was even an actor when you asked him if he had met anyone famous 

which made Ben laugh and your cheeks go red 

but Ben slipped up too lmao

“so I heard you like dogs?”

“...yes but...from.. who..”

then his cheeks got red as he had to carefully explain how him and Joe didnt stalk you on instagram but stalked you on instagram basically 

celebrities, they’re just like us

that’s when you laughed

which made Ben realise he could hear you laugh all day and never get tired of it

and never get tired of your smile

something about your twinkling eyes when you spoke about your friends and family back home

and about all your passions, ridiculous and not so ridiculous

u may or may not have let him in on your love for Queen, even more so than in the cafe

and u kinda forgot he was in Bo Rhap for a hot minute

but he was amused, he loved seeing you speak about something so close to your heart

and felt proud to be part of it

all in all Ben felt a feeling he hadn’t experienced in quite a long time, if ever in his life

a feeling of completion, of relief

as if he had been waiting his whole life to meet you

and so he continued listening to your rant about how much you love Freddie and JIm together

watching as you blushed and apologised profusely for going on about them

“don’t be sorry, i wished we could’ve had more of them in the film as well. and i love hearing your opinions on them, i love hearing you talk about it all. it makes me more and more fortunate to have been part of it”

“well i have much more to say about anything Queen related if you’re interested”

“then i’m always here to listen for when you do wanna speak about them” 

when dinner finished, you and Ben decided to postpone driving you back 

you two walked around the city more and eventually made it to a little park just up the road

your hand in his, humming ‘39 by your favorite band

Ben smiled to himself as he realised you felt the same comfort around him as he did with you

and so the months went on, date after date with Ben

till you found yourselves on your one year anniversary, walking around the same park you two had gone through on your first date

“do you remember when we first came here?” he asked

“of course, it’s when I realised I love loved you and was basically fucked”

“why’d you say you’re fucked?” he laughed

“i mean, i was like, oh god i’ve scared him by talking about my obsession with Queen and he actually knows them and he’ll tell them and Brian and Roger will think i’m crazy and he won’t ever date me again after this and all i can do now is hum ‘39 and hope he won’t block me on instagram after this” 

Ben cackled

“that’s not at all what i was thinking, i hope you know that”

“well obviously” you rolled your eyes

“d’ya wanna know what i was thinking?” 

“hm”

“I was actually thinking of Freddie while we were walking around”

“same”

“no, i’m serious” Ben chuckled 

“why were you thinking of Freddie then?” you giggled, squeezing his hand a little tighter

“well, if I was just going in my head about how if it wasn’t for him there would’ve have been Queen, wouldn’t have been a Bo Rhap, I never would’ve been in anything like it, and I might not have met you then because of it”

“i don’t like thinking about that” you muttered, leaning your head into his side

“really though, it’s mad how much he’s influenced all our lives in a good way” he stopped walking, you standing below him with curious eyes batting at him 

“i guess we have Freddie to thank then for bringing us together” you said before pecking his lips

and then you two stood there for a moment, your head pressed against his chest as you listened to his heartbeat

that’s when Ben looked down at you in his arms, then up into the starlit sky and whispered; 

“thank you, Freddie” 

#ben hardy #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy headcanons #ben hardy headcanon #gwilym lee #joe mazzello #rami malek #ben hardy smut #ben hardy x you #ben hardy one shot #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy fic #ben hardy fluff #roger taylor #bohemian rhapsody

[unproduciblesmackdown]

oh, continuing on from too-long, incoherent post made hours ago when nobody was online, obvs, No-Friends Club members put ur hands in—

one weird thing i remembered is the Experience of like, time to put interpersonal boundaries in place by setting boundaries on My Own Emotions, you know what i’m saying! like for example the Cold Math issue of having no friends, where like, you have a few ppl who talk with you, and just like, thanks to proportions and statistics alone, on your end its like thank god for these noble few who are each like, 490% of the good interactions you get in life, the beautiful line of defense between you and utter isolation, and on their end its gonna be like, you’re a person they talk to sometimes. and that’s too easy to forget sometimes so i just commit to remembering it, and like, deliberately Not getting overenthused/overinvested about it, cuz it’s just not fun to sorta put the cart before the horse and then have the repeated realization that you’re really not going to be an official friend or whatever or that significant a figure in other ppl’s lives. rough!! you know what i’m talking about re: this experience?

it’s just tricky and i don’t even entirely have a handle on it to this day (tho a way better handle on it than when i had to figure out how this situation worked years ago) in part cuz like, actually, despite having been isolated in varying degrees for like, basically my whole life except less during college tho i often had Big Lonely problems then too, despite that and also despite anxiety ishes (issues) and discomfort with social situations sometimes for other reasons, i’m like, actually a real social person when its the kind of social setup i Can be comfortable with, which is a decent variety imo. and i really like people actually, if they arent terrible, and i really like interacting with them If They Arent Terrible, and in theory i would Love to have friends and that’s always been true. and im an enthusiastic and passionate person, what can i say, so it’s a funky time having to reign that in when yknow, generally, like “oh im excited to have a friend” should be a wholly positive sentiment that’s not gonna burn you as long as the other person isn’t evil. but! i do gotta rein in that sentiment. like settle down. like i was saying before about not “hoping” to have friends technically even tho of course i’d always like to and like, if anything erring on the side of caution and not being like, oh yeah these ppl who interact on occasion / amicably with me are my friends. undersell myself eh. if i have friends i’ll try to figure it out after the fact rather than overestimate connections and be disappointed ad infinitum or what have u

also! bring it tf in for ppl with “weird” social skills! losers since preschool or whenever you started being around groups of your age peers! having the intangible Vibe that ppl pick up on and you get sort of socially written off or the Sort-Of-Contempt which is loads of fun. and kind of operating on slightly different frequencies communication wise, or having your social / behavioral cues be misread b/c its not the “normal” meaning, all that kinda thing, so that your Trying To Be Friendly might be Weird In A Bad Way to other ppl, or your social discomfort getting read as “they don’t like us” instead of “they aren’t comfortable with some aspects of this situation”, etc etc etc.....it’s a bummer cuz like, thank god for online socialization b/c in a lot of ways for a lot of reasons its so much more doable for me, but there’s still ways it has downsides, like, i don’t like groupchats which is like, synonymous with We’re Actual Friends Now, so, tough break for me there, and i don’t often start talking to ppl b/c i don’t assume any particular individual would be interested in that and it takes ages for it to occur to me that anyone might, and i don’t think i always am that good at writing my thoughts and also just like In Person i often don’t know what/how to say things even with zero pressure and also just like in person i can be sort of cagey and Underwhelming......whereas IN person i can actually be chatty as fuck and often overtalkative and i like to Get Silly and all that shit. not to say im not underwhelming in person, too! cuz yeah most of the time im overly quiet and people are surprised when i talk or when i make reference to the fact i have Big Opinions and big emotions b/c they thought i just had an equally quiet inner world i guess lol.......like yeah!! on one hand i’m like woops im fucking this up cuz im holding back and on the other hand its like uh oh now im making a mess cuz when i dont hold back im generally not In Accordance With Ppls Tastes And Preferences cuz im being too much. sort of lose-lose-lose. me and cats are the same. also i ought to be better at initiating conversation but i’m crap at it cuz im like, lowkey constant assumption that if ppl arent talking to me they don’t want to and it’d be annoying to say something, which is not Correct. but also i’m always nervous and nervous about ppl. oh well, we’ll get there maybe

anyways i like when characters have no friends and it’s not for lack of trying/wanting them!! it’s a weird experience and ya love that Relatable Material. like its funny alana calling everyone “acquaintances” cuz im out here doing that already lol my friendly acquaintances......like ideally yeah it’d be nice to have close friends but i do appreciate Being A Casual Fixture On The Perimeters Of Someone’s Life And Maybe Sometimes I Get To Be A Small Positive Experience In Their Existence for what it is, but it Is fairly depressing being the fleeting NPC in the outer / tangential orbits of mostly everybody who knows you. c’est la vie!!!! it is both good and not good. anyway back to acquaintances. yeah like seeing that “earnest efforts to have friends but it fails for various reasons” is fun cuz like yeah!! population: Same! though i’ve never really been like that specific character. i also like the book “the murder of bindy mackenzie” and the character is kind of like alana’s too. an academically supersuccessful girl who tries to reach out to her peers but her methods don’t work and she’s misreading others and others are misreading her and she’s distressed about various aspects of her life and also, someone’s trying to kill her. though i wasn’t too much like those other characters either. i feel like luna lovegood makes the list, on account of she like, is just nice and friendly but nobody likes her because of apparently weird interests which shouldnt be considered weird but i guess that was a probably-accidental commentary on how arbitrary Social Acceptability can be, and also because she is sort of unusual in terms of her average demeanor, and that’s not really reason not to like her but not only does she have no friends but also people are just sort of mean to her. feels real man! fondly recalling the times i’ve had to realize in retrospect that people were actually making fun of me...etc etc...other depressing things......and shoutout to the black suits for having that collective representation of varying ways to be a weird dumbass with Issues who nobody likes. very meta that i’ve wished i could be in a shitty for-fun high school garage band for the Hanging Out With Friends aspect of it alone. nato is also great representation for “superlative academic performance but doesn’t actually care about school and only cares about like, a snail he saw today, and being a weird goofaround loser 24/7”

where was i going with this!! just adding on more ideas i guess. Tumblr Mobile Don’t Eat My Post. other lifelong members of the no-friends-and-it-sucks club @ me!! struggling with figuring out how to at least feel more okay with your crappy social experience because there’s no real way to feel good about it but we’re at least trying to feel less bad, @ me! we’re valid and we’re Didn’t Ask For This But Here We Are

[cloneslugs]

oh fuck u sent me multiple so demo/engie/medic/scout and also u can do the one i already sent

ty i love you

Demo

favorite thing about them

he’s super fun!!! but also really smart and caring and just an all around cool dude he’s like B) !

least favorite thing about them

this isnt about him personally lol but like official stuff(comics) lighten the fuck out of his skin and its like. dont

favorite line

i didnt even see this question when i first did this wtf but uh all his “i love you” esque lines are really excellent

brOTP

exclusing soldier lol!!! probably sniper or engie!!

OTP

soldier :’)

nOTP

besides scout & pyro & just like. looking at just the mercs no one really demo deserves love

random headcanon

he likes turtles a lot & just reptiles/amphibians in general just in a kinda neat/favorite animal type way nothing special, he gets around with engie and sniper and they all get drunk and they talk about cryptids, he has a super big heart he loves love, outside of the battlefield he’s pretty apprehensive and cautious moreso than lots of the others at least, he doesnt push himself to be it often just bc he doesnt like leaderly positions but he defo has one of the more valid voices of reason amongst all of them, he loves to help and just listen to people he’s always ready to offer you a drink and take a load off and just talk things out & he’s super chill and easy to talk to anyway, he comes off as really lazy but he can jump up and make do when he needs to

unpopular opinion

idk whats considered popular or not on here lol but like!! he’s not just stupid silly drunk man he’s actually got heart and is pretty intelligent & like probably one of the better off mercs if he wanted himself to be

song i associate with them (this is literally the worst question im so bad at this if i dont have lots n lots of searching time and also i forget all music ever)

cheap thrills - sia

favorite picture of them (sorry 4 bg edits im doing what i have on hand lol)

hes so fucking happy i love you!!!

Engie

favorite thing about them

he’s my fucking husband he makes my heart fucking soar!!! he’s a quiet little sweetheart and he’s just really smart and nice and has morals iusdahui

least favorite thing about them

fucking nothing you animals 

favorite line

all his fucking nerdy engineering lines are so fucking good ;____; he’s so smart and passionate god“i love engines! pinion shafts! flanges. mitigating shock loads. but most of all: i love winnin’!” “they won’t know what hit ‘em! though it’ll likely to be bullets. statistically speaking” theres more but im like ;___; just thinking about him ah

brOTP

medic babey!!!!!! i have a thing for shitty best friends that tire each other out (especially on one side) but love each other at the end of the day and are just ride or diepyro also but for completely different reasons :-)

OTP

spy is fucking excellent -.- dont @ me

nOTP

soldier lol (excluding pyro & scout)

random headcanon

i think all the mercs are autsitic but engie is one of my fucking fav ahhhhh, he and medic info dump for hours especially where their special interests overlap and it gets really boring if youre not one of them lol, he loves learning but he hated school so much ):, he has pretty bad anxiety but only under certain circumstance, he’s kinda jealous that spy gets to automatically be seen as a paternal figure bc of scout and he kinda wishes he could settle in like that but he also doesnt think he’d be very good at it for a very prolonged amount of time, he loves math!!!! he loves numbers a lot he associates it with lots of fun and colors and just !!!!! wow wow!!, he has really really really high empathy when it comes to machines and stuff, he loves dogs especially smaller ones, he really loves to fidget w/ tools and stuff bc he always has one on hand and theres lots you can do with some of them, he’s really lazy and has a hard time applying himself sometimes

unpopular opinion

the comics really brush him aside i need to see him more please for the love of god he’s just as interesting as anyone else also fat engie is the only valid engie & also soldier/engie is fucking forced and weird idk where it comes from except they wear hats lol & also people call engie short but if you dont make him 5′00 give or take 3 inches youre doing it wrong and i cant stand by it

song i associate with them

this is like. also a soldier song for me lol but Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect - the decemberists

favorite picture of them

ms pauling and medic!! his buddies :) also i just love the shadowboxers art

his fly costume makes me so ;___; i love you little man

also i hate to default to beard engie but this is literally the sexiest man alive

Medic

favorite thing about them

i have a thing for shitty men with halfway decent hearts but are trying(sometimes) okay like okay he’s so chaotic and bad but ;___; i love you

least favorite thing about them

this mostly applies to his Meet the vid but he comes off as really apathetic and cruel? i think in everything else he comes off as a bit nicer if not absentminded and not too socially aware which is :)

favorite line

bro when he warns heavy about that gun in the comix? gay rights U__U also the like “you can take the brain out of the criminal and put it in a pumpkin, but you cant take the criminal out of the brain in the pumpkin” or whatever shit sir i love you

brOTP

engie baby!!!! i also really like spy & sniper bc im weak for shitty support relationships i think med just works really good w/ everyone really in some way

OTP

heavy baby!!!

nOTP

all of the mercs are fine (excluding the usual lol) but like cHeavymed people are freaks die

random headcanon

he has really poor eating & sleeping habits he almost relies on everyone else to keep him alive, he’s autistic & he’s jewish but not really practicing, he pulls & tugs on things when he’s stressed, he’s actually really smart medically he just doesn’t like showing it/messing w/ people (it makes some of the smarter mercs nervous lol), when he gets bored & has nothing to play with he digs for drama he loves to start unnecessary arguments that have no value whatssoever, he’s scared of dogs, he only trusts sniper & maybe heavy to handle his birds if he were to die, heavy & archimedes are like mega comfort objects(?) for him !!, he’s kinda really bad at showing he likes/cares for people, this goes especially hard on engie ):, he has a really big sweet tooth, he cant cook, he doesnt ever censor himself and can be pretty rude, he’s an open book and has no sense of integrity, he got super attached to heavy right off the bat for seemingly no reason and it was just super awkward lol, he gets distracted really easily and drops projects too often when he gets bored/forgets, his room is a mess he doesnt know how to do chores, he’s trans and hasnt done anything to medically transition but he handles everyone on team who is 

unpopular opinion

he’s not a fucking sociopath lol like he has a heart and cares he just has a hard time differentiating right from wrong and doesnt think things out i love you

song i associate with them

this is my emo music time i keep changing this but im gonna go It Was A Swift Not A Swallow - Crywank

favorite picture of them

i cant pick between these two he’s saving his fucking boyfriends life & also the 2nd he just looks so peaceful and :)

Scout

favorite thing about them

he’s a sweet boy!!! he just wants friends and he’s stuck with a bunch of middle aged men we have to love his endurance also he’s a little baby faced menace i love you

least favorite thing about them

in the canon i ignore lol.. too straight we cant have that

favorite line

all his lines talking about how the group of them are all best friends and stuff??? i love that

brOTP

sniper !!!! also spy also everyone

OTP

no one really lol pyro is like. the only one im comfy w/

nOTP

sniper lol if we’re talking popular things & all the rest of the mercs really

random headcanon

he’s a super sweet boy who loves everyone on the team, he warmed up the fastest out of all of them and became super attached!!, he really wants a base dog, he really likes to spend time with everyone and listen to them talk like he loves sitting with engie and having him explain nerdy engineering nonsense that he’ll never get but he tries to but its just fun seeing how excited the other person is!!!, he became super close to sniper right off the bat for some reason which is weird bc scout can talk forever and sniper doesn’t know how to hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes but they like hanging out even if it gets tiring, he lives off of sugary drinks medic keeps telling him to stop, he loves to hang out w/ spy and they get on each others nerves but really enjoy it at the end of the day, he has little to no sense of boundaries, he loves to give hugs!!, he really tries to engage with everyone’s interests like i said he just loves making/seeing other people happy, he loves being part of big groups it always just feels like a big family to him

unpopular opinion

he gay :)

song i associate with them

the calculation - regina spektor

favorite picture of them

trans rights!!!

Soldier

favorite thing about them

he is a sweetheart he is my big stupid husband and we both love raccoons =.=

least favorite thing about them

the patriotism……  we arent having that

favorite line

he’s literally so fucking funny especially all his things w/ merasmus and just. everything

brOTP

excluding demo uh !!! SPY!!!! :D

OTP

demo :)

nOTP

engie x.x

random headcanon

he’s super sweet !!! he loves his friends so much, he loves to show off his raccoons to everyone :), he bonds w/ sniper over wildlife(raccoons), everyone has a lot of patience w/ him bc he struggles to communicate things a lot and kinda needs his time to get points across, he’s actually really observant and it would be really good if he just didnt jump to wild conclusions based off of it all the time, he’s really conscious of his actions and how they affect others like he’s kinda violent impulsively but hes taken note of who is and isnt okay with it or who’s okay w/ him saying what in front of them, he’s really protective of his friends!!! he knows theyre capable but he loves looking out for them, he loves to drag them off on fitness expeditions/training but he tires out before a good number of them/gets bored, he wakes up the earlies he loves the mornings, he can cook but nobody knows it, like scout he loves to indulge in what other people like but he’s more handson he loves to screw in screws for engie or hand medic tools or read out loud to spy or heavy or show sniper things he catches/turn over rocks with him, he loves medics birds but doc wont let him touch them ):, he wants to get a base dog too, he has no volume or tone control, probably the best hugger, he’s kinda shy about personal things like himself in general or being trans & liking guys he’s actually pretty decent at keeping personal things to himself not that he wouldnt share it just feels weird, 

unpopular opinion

he’s not just like shouty mean stupid man,,, he’s actually really sweet 

song i associate with them

rejoice- AJJ 

favorite picture of them

i have worse naked honey pics but this is fucking it lads gay rights

#im like. digging thru my tee eff 2 playlist on spotify this is hell #asks #tf text #sorry this is long lol i feel like im leaving out so much #also shout out to cecil youre the only valid person out here #triplecrossed #if i missed anything kick me #these make me so happy to do i love talking and talking and talking about my interests

[legeia-blog1]

July Soundtrack for the Signs

Okay so I thought this would be kinda cool? Doing monthly readings for you guys but in the form of a song. 

Check you rising sign for outward influences, your sun sign for your personal energies, and your moon sign for your emotional energies. If you arent sure how to interpret all the energies together shoot me an ask and I will explain it for you.

Aries • Vance Joy - My Kind of Man

I think its important for you guys be who you wanna be. Don’t let anyone tell you how it is unless you agree with them. Go with the flow. Leave everything you know about love, happiness, and friendship at the door because some new energy is coming into your life. You wont want to embrace it at first because you know, new beginnings are scary but try and accept it and let it take you away. Do the things that you love and that you’ve always wanted to do. Just enjoy life this month and you will be rewarded with positive energy. 

Taurus • Asta - Dynamite 

You will be walking on air this month. You will be filled with confidence and just happiness. Things will be clicking together as if by magic. You’ve been stuck in some crappy situations but now its empowering you, making you look up at the stars and realise everything is for a reason. You will be shining your light in every area of your life. You will be having so much fun this month. Just be careful not to let people bring you down, don’t give them the power. If they’re trying to pull you down they’re already below you, remember that. 

Gemini • Colin and Caroline - Maps 

Its time for you guys to move on from that bad situation you’ve been stuck in. Its just bringing you down. I know you dont want to but you must because theres no point being stuck in something you dont enjoy. You need love and you just aren’t getting it at the moment. Nurture yourself and worry about everyone else later. It may hurt them but its the best thing for you. Don’t let your fears control you. If you leave that situation better energy will be coming into your life to fill that hole. Keep faith my lil Geminis.

Cancer • The Daydream Club - Saltwater

This month is going to be magical for you guys. The stuff that you’ve been dreaming of will be coming into your life. Everything will fall into place. You will be going with the flow of the ocean and you will let it take you to where you need to go. You trust that everything is how its meant to be. It just seems like you guys are in a trance of happiness. I have an image of you sitting on a donut floatie being carried away from the shore and taken to the most beautiful island. At last you’re getting what you want. If you guys are Cancer suns I hope you have/had a lovely Birthday! 

Leo • Janet Devlin - Friday Im in Love

I feel like there is some shit going on for you guys but its okay because this month you will realise that the little things outweigh the big. Even if only a moment is good for you this month it doesn’t matter because it fills you with hope. You’ll be throwing caution to the wind and will be doing things that make you happy. Also know that its okay to fall apart sometimes but don’t let it consume you.

Virgo • Dresses - Drift away

I feel like you guys are giving up this month. You just feel so alone. You’ve had enough of feeling like shit and you’re out of touch with the people that used to mean so much to you. You hate that you cant control everyone and your own emotions. I think you guys just need to let go a bit. You cant control everything so why even bother trying, ya know? Its just making you unhappy. Just tell the truth to yourself and others. If it hurts them, it hurts them. 

Libra • A New Normal - I Can Feel Your Heartbeat 

You’re going to be full of passion this month. Theres a fire behind your eyes that is pushing you towards your goal. You’re so sick of people trying to tell you who to be and how to act. You are telling them all to stick it up their asses. The clouds are clearing and the stars a showing themselves. You can feel the oneness of the world beating below the surface. You will just be very powerful this month. Just watch that your words aren’t too harsh otherwise you could have some negative consequences.

 Scorpio • Walk Off the Earth - Speeches 

I feel like you’re sick of having to hide who you really are for other people. You want to show people your fire and I would say go for it! You have been feeling bound lately and you just need to break the chains that surround your heart. Theres a light up in your future and you’re moving at high speed towards it. No one can see it expect you but you know its coming. Trust your intuition because you know better then anyone else what you want you receive. Keep faith my loves because its coming soon.

Sagittarius •  Ed Sheeran - Shape of You

You’ve been waiting so long for what you want and you’re getting sick of waiting. You need to take the reins and control it. Theres no point doting over something if you dont take action. You’ll go crazy soon enough. Sag is the sign of action so take it! Those bad guys aren’t gonna die unless you shoot your arrows. Stop letting people control you and just go for it! You’ll discover something knew about yourself if you do. 

Capricorn • Clean Bandit - Extraordinary 

You’re starting to become more aware of the gears at work in your life. You are seeing the big picture now. Everything is moving around you and you’re just enjoying the ride. You realise that there isnt any point in feeling lonely when theres so much going around you. You need to step out of your comfort zone and see what the world has to offer. Everything that is wrong will all be fine so dont go trying to avoid situations. Not everything is going to go wrong, I promise. Now step up and keep going!

Aquarius • Secret Nation - Tonight

You’re kinda scared of time right now. Everything is going so fast and everytime you try and stop it it doesn’t work. I think you just need to enjoy it instead of trying to control it. Go out and have a good time, everything will work out soon enough. You’re the one whos put your heart in bounds so if you only stop for a second you could un do it. Stop trying to blame other people for the way you’re hurting when its your own damn fault. Honestly you just needa chill this month. You guys should try meditating and watch time slow down.

Pisces • Bear’s Den - Elysium 

I feel like you’re letting go but in the good way. You’re throwing caution to the wind and stepping into the unknown hoping the world will catch you. You’re starting a new chapter. You might feel alone on this journey but trust that its the right path for you to take. Don’t listen to those voices in your head that are telling you to give up because they aren’t whats best for you. Trust in your intuition and let life embrace you. Hold on my lil fishes for the darkness will come but with it the stars will shine and the morning light will be here soon. Don’t become bitter but instead keep hope in your heart.

#july reading #reading #readings #shufflemancy #monthly readings #monthly reading #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #aquarius #pisces

[g-te-blog1]

Hey 💫 Can I get a written ship with GOT7, BlackPink, Seventeen and BTS? I’m a positive person, a good listener. I like simple stuff, I’m not very adventurous.. I sometimes tend to get stubborn or lazy but it doesn’t last long. I might be kinda controlling sometimes, but I’m always respectful of the others’ opinions. I’m a Taurus, introverted and very chill. I don’t talk much in general, but with my friends I love joking around and having fun. I’m grounded, sarcastic and wise. I might seem kinda cold from aside, but I’m friendly, laid back and easy to talk to as long as you’re nice to me. I’m passionate, open minded, creative and loyal. I love music, drawing, traveling, animes, writing, cats, photography, horror movies and spooky/creepy stuff in general. I hate noisy people, arguing and people who are too sensitive. Sometimes I love going out and partying and other times I prefer to stay at home and just eat and do nothing. It takes me awhile to get comfortable with someone when it comes to relationships, but once I do I’m loving and affectionate, but I’m very independent and I need to be left alone every now and then. I’m honest and trustworthy. Also I’m slavic, 1.73cm or maybe more idk xD I guess that’s it.. Thank you in advance! 🖤

Thank you for requesting love! I hope you like it <3

I would ship you with:

Got7- Jinyoung

We all know that Jinyoung is VERY sarcastic so I think you both would have fun. I think he would be attracted by your cold appearance and then would fall in love with your warm heart and easygoingness. I can imagine you both staying at home a friday night and ordering some food. He wouldn’t mind if you aren’t very adventurous, if he waned to go to a forest or something he would simply take you with him if you wanted or not, in the end you would be glad that you went with him. He also would give you as much space as you need, If you would like to be alone he would respect it.

BlackPink- Jisoo

Jisoo is a beautiful girl and I can imagine you being a beautiful girl too. Taurus and Capricorn is a very harmonious match, with similar views on life so I think you fit very well. You both could have cats and give them cute names. You also would go partying and have fun. You would be joking around and laughing a loooot. Goals.

Seventeen- Joshua

Joshua. And. You. Would. Be. So. Cute. You both seem to be very calm. I can imagine you both watching animes while eating snacks. You would also watch horror movies while cuddling and being cute. He would sing you asleep and caress you softly. He would love it to hear you laugh so he would try his best to make you laugh as much as possible. He would also leave you alone if you wanted to.

BTS- Hoseok/Yoongi

I would ship you with Hoseok because you are the complete opposite. He would always try to make you laugh to the point where he annoys you. He is a sunshine so you couln’t be mad at him very long. He would take you out to eat something and maybe you both would travel. He would drag you outside to do some funny things. But I also think that he would appreciate that he can talk to you about everything and you would listen to him. 

BUT I also ship you with Yoongi because you both are very similar to eachother! You both seem cold but you arent. You both would have lazy days where you do absolutely nothing, just eat, watch series and sleep. While he would compose his music you would sit by his side and give him inspiration or just draw some things. You both would make trips and take a lots of pictures. 

~~~GIFS ARE NOT MINE~~~

#kpop #written ships #selca ships #bts #got7 #blackpink #g-te #submission

[sickandvomiting]

Vietnam OCs ask.

I’m posting this here because it took s'damn long to write out and it is SOOOOO LONG. Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.

its-a-goddamn-heartbreak​

——–

Tank:

What deadly sin would best represent your OC?

Probably wrath. She gets really angry.

If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do?

She’d be somewhere between confused but also really pumped and also disappointed. Honestly she’d probably be mostly disappointed.

Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why?

She is like halfway contemplating marriage, but isn’t sure about the whole kids thing. She’s a military woman, and grew up in a military family, so she knows what it’s like moving around every two or so years, and it’s not fun. But she also kind of wants that companionship that comes with marriage, and has considered adopting a kid too. But she’s still very unsure and nothing is set in stone.

Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with?

Honestly she’s probably going to the Officer’s club with the rest of the unit. Somehow they all get in, even if they aren’t officers. (It was her. She threatened the establishment if they didn’t like the enlisted men in.)

If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count?

She would accept it with dignity, but also with no small amount of anger and sarcastic jokes about her impending doom. She probably wouldn’t fight it unless she thought the fight could be won. If it was against an opponent, then yes she would fight. If it was against a fatal illness or injury, she would just accept it.

————-

Muffin:

What deadly sin would best represent your OC?

Gluttony. He looooooooves food.

If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do?

He’d be super excited about everything like OH MY GOD YOU CAN COLLECT CATS BUT LIKE IN A LIL DEVICE AMD THEY ARENT REAL BUT THEYRE SUPER CUTE??????????

Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why?

He definitely wants a family after the military. He had a girl back home but got a dear John letter that kinda really tore him up. So he’s a little scared of entering into new relationships, but he really really want to settle down with a woman (or man, he doesn’t care which) who loves him and have a lovely idyllic little family.

Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with?

If he’s at home, he’s probably going to a little bakery with the best pastries he’s ever had. He’s probably in a cardigan that’s just a little bit too small for him because he can never find anything big enough (dude’s like 6'6") and a paperboy cap with nice shoes. It’s the little things in life. He’ll probably plop down in the seat by the window with a book or a newspaper and read while he eats, and he’ll definitely wave at every dog that passes.

If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count?

He is the sort of person who is just so positive and happy that he hasn’t even contemplated the concept of mortality. He doesn’t like to think about that, though he knows he’ll die eventually. He would probably try to avoid it unless it was for a very VERY worthy cause, like saving his friends. If he had a deadline, he’d for sure try to do everything on his bucket list, which is like a mile long and pearly impossible to do.

————-

Tron:

What deadly sin would best represent your OC? Definitely pride. He thinks he’s the shit, and often need to be taken down a few notches by his mates.

If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do? He would probably have nearly no reaction besides kinda just being like “huh, this is new”. He’d be excited about all the new tech though.

Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why?

He is contemplating it, but he’s only 19 and doesn’t quite know for sure yet. He does know he likes to be in relationships, but doesn’t know if he could sustain one for a lifetime. He kinda wants to keep his bachelor days going.

Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with?

To a bar, probably. He likes to ride up on his motorcycle and buy drinks and hit on girls (he’s kinda trash but like not super super trash). He’s probably go with some of his closest friends from high school, and he’d look like a fifties greaser but with better hair. Leather jacket, red chucks, white tshirt, cuffed denim jeans…

If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count?

He would fight tooth and nail no matter what. There’s always a way out. Always. Even if there isn’t. And he would be so caught up in fighting it that he wouldn’t realize it was really happening until too late.

————–

Raptor:

What deadly sin would best represent your OC? Probably envy. He’s not a super jealous person, but has always had self worth issues, and has had an inferiority complex as long as he can remember. He just wants to be as good as everyone else (He definitely is as good, if not better. But he doesn’t know it.)

If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do? He would be appalled at the current situation for Mexicans in America, and all of that terrible xenophobia that somehow STILL EXISTS WHAT THE FUCK. He is the son of Mexican immigrants, so takes such things very personally.

Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why?

Yes. He also wants to settle down and have a family. He doesn’t know how it’ll really work because he doesn’t have a lot of money. At all. But he wants a family so damn bad.

Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with?

He’s probably going out for a short road trip, where eventually he’ll find a place way off the beaten path, park there, and enjoy laying on he hood or roof of his car admiring the countless stars in the clear night sky. Maybe he brings a friend with him to kick back, have a few beers and talk about life. (It’s probably Tank). He’ll probably wear a plaid flannel and comfortable old jeans he’s had for years, and an old pair of worn out boots, because that’s what he’s comfortable in.

If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count?

It would depend on what sort of death it was, and whether it was for a cause or if it was for nothing. He sort of views his enlistment in the army as a death sentence of sorts, but he is proud to serve. Sometimes he wishes it weren’t that way, and obviously he fights to stay alive for his comrades, but if he dies, he dies, and it was for a good cause so it’s alright.

—————

Butch:

What deadly sin would best represent your OC? Also probably Wrath. He and Tank and very very similar, she’s just more chatty and has more a sense of humor. I mean, he has one too, it’s just hidden deep under layer after layer of protective stoicism.

If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do? He would be angry at how much the earth has deteriorated. He is very environmentalist, and wants to protect the bees and save the animals keep the earth green and healthy, which is a little odd coming from him, but he is very passionate about animals and such. He loves them.

Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why?

He thinks it might be nice, but he’d honestly settle for running and animal sanctuary. He’s like a crazy cat lady in huge, muscular body builder sort of form.

Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with?

This nerd. He’s honestly probably going to see the cats and dogs at the shelters because they don’t have homes and he feels bad for them. He’ll chill and cuddle with them until he is kicked out. Sometimes he’s not and he just stays there until sunlight.

If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count?

He would be silently resigned, but sad he couldn’t do more with his time. He’d do what he could in the time he had left, but to him it definitely wouldn’t be enough, but he is also kind of defeatist.

—————-

Ghost:

What deadly sin would best represent your OC? Sloth. This guy is a lazyass motherfucker. He means well, but he is laid back to the point of it being detrimental. He says “I’d honestly rather be asleep” at least once a day if not more.

If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do?

He would be stoked about the TV and video games. But he’d also be sad because somehow America still hates China??? He’d be awfully confused about that. “But guys, we make all your shit????” He is also the son of two Chinese immigrants, so he and Raptor would bond over their mutual situations.

Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why?

Someday maybe. He is also on the younger side, but just old enough to be starting to think about such things. He’s a really sweet guy and is great with kids because he loves to play with them, but he isn’t sure about the state of the world and bringing a kid into it.

Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with?

He’s probably going out to the bars too, likely with Tron. They get along pretty well, and for being the stealth/recon expert, he’s a really loud and fun dude, and he can dance like no ones business. He’ll probably be wearing outrageous colors and just having a grand old time.

If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count?

It’s hard to say with him. Honestly if he had a choice he’d try to silently fade into the background so he wouldn’t cause anyone any trouble. He is also the sort of person who would tell people not to grieve, but to celebrate his life as he lived it; loud, happy, and full of love.

—————

Jeeves:

What deadly sin would best represent your OC?

GREED. For sure greed. He was born into a rich family and money is all that really matter to him growing up. Money and status and material things. It’s not exactly his fault, because his parents were awful rich assholes who taught him all that shit, but still. Greed.

If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do? Well, he’d probably just live life as he did before; privileged. He’s rich white kid with delusions of grandeur. (In his heart he knows he’s a bad person and is trying to change, but evidently not trying enough. If he were in a book, he’d be the douchebag everyone hates with a redemption arc that just doesn’t seem to completely fix him.

Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why?

Yes he does. It has been ingrained in him since he was a kid. Just loads of malarkey about carrying on the family name and running the company and all that stuff. He wants to find a pretty trophy wife to settle down with and live in the lap of luxury for the rest of his days. (He has had a very hard time adjusting to Vietnam and the war’s living conditions. Like, REALLY hard.)

Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with?

He would take some girl out on a date to a fancy restaurant, wearing a tailor-made suit. It’d be one of those white tie sort of places and he’d pay, and he’d try to entertain and be a charming gentleman because that’s how he was raised. He plays the part well, too. But he’s still pretty much a trash man underneath all of it.

If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count?

He would be terrified and sad, and would probably cry. He would attempt to reach out to people for help, and would try and fight it, but he has so very few real friends, it’s really quite sad. His parents would visit him, but his mum would really be the only one to try and actually help him deal with it. (His das was marginally emotionally abusive and was even more of an asshole than Jeeves, not that Jeeves would ever admit to that out loud). I’d like to say there’s be some change of heart in the end, because his unit mates would definitely try to help and be kind despite picking on him, but I’m not sure there really would be. He’s an odd person.

—————-

IQ:

What deadly sin would best represent your OC?

Envy. He wants to be bigger and better and more muscular and basically just more like you’d expect someone in the army to be. But he is small and nerdy and the youngest one there.

If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do?

Dude, he would be SO STOKED about all the new technologies and all he new things to learn about. He would go about learning everything he possibly could about EVERYTHING.

Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why?

He is too smol to think about that, clocking in at just 18 years old. Lovely sweet summer child. He is probably the most innocent and sweet teen boy on the face of the earth.

Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with?

He doesn’t really go out. He’s a nerd and amd introvert and a genius to be entirely honest, and he likes to just chill and read. Snuggling up under in his pajamas under a big blanket and reading old books is his ideal Saturday night.

If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count?

He would try to spend it all with his family and friends, but wouldn’t fight it. It’s inevitable anyways. He’d probably be very sad that he couldn’t do more with his time on earth, but he would know logically TA not his fault or anyone else’s and would accept his fate peacefully and with dignity. He would especially want to say goodbye to his commanding officer, Col. Joshamee Sanders, and Tank, two of the only people who didn’t make fun of him for his physique and scholarly inclinations. The Col. was practically his grandfather, and Tank was like the older sister he never had.

#my OCs #long text #tank #muffin #Tron #raptor #Butch #ghost #Jeeves #IQ #oc talk #vietnam group

[the-kipsabian]

maaaads can i ask for all of them w asagao!dan? (minus champagne cause y'know, he'd technically be a teenager here)

frost blue: does your muse enjoy the snow and cold? or are they the type to enjoy summer more?i really wanna say that hes more of a summer boi tbh? he wouldnt mind winter, its really just the facts that putting on so much clothing can be annoying plus with the crazy hair during winter when it gets all static and stuff? yeah thats a pain (plus during summer he can. wear ponytails so!!)

peacock blue: is your muse honest? what sorts of lies do they tell, if not?he tries to be as honest as possible. sometimes theres little white lies to protect friends feelings if they are required in the moment, but usually hes very honest and straightforward with things tho

lapis lazuli: does your muse prefer the idea of exploring the depths of the oceans, or the boundless expanses of space more?oh, space for sure. first of all, dan thinks space is amazing. second, hes afraid of big bodies of water and sharks so. yyyyeah

reddish brass: how likely is your muse to step up and take the role of a leader? are they willing to take the challenge, or are they more apt to being a follower?hes not. super willing tbh? he will if he absolutely has to, but more often than not hes happy to just be a follower in most cases. unless its. something hes very passionate about, like music or such, then hes more likely to take charge of things

burnt umber: how stable is your muse, mentally and/or emotionally?i mean. he has his issues tbh? but hes not like. completely broken. he is an emotional man i can give him that, but in a really good way. mentally, well.. he struggles with some things more than most people, but then again, dont we all

tea orange: what is something that your muse is fascinated with?i. really wanna say unicorns to this tbh lol

malachite: has your muse ever done anything that they winded up feeling incredibly guilty for in the end?oh im sure. some examples that come to mind would be saying something to a friend that he regretted or having like a really bad breakup or something similar. nothing too drastic tbh, but something along those lines

olive: is your muse prone to feeling envious of others? if yes, what is it that they typically feel envious over?nah. like, not really at all. he does his best and knows his limits and doesnt push them too hard unless its. something he really cares about, so if anything its usually others being envious about dan and his work ethics tho?

vermillion: is your muse courageous, or would they consider themselves to be more of a coward?well. technically not a coward, but in fight or flight situations he would definitely choose to flight as he tries to avoid confrontation as much as possible? if this is not like. physical confrontation related, i’d say he can be very courageous tho? like stepping on a stage to perform or sing in front of a crow and whatnot. that he can do without a doubt and not be afraid of it tho

bougainvillaea: would your muse consider themselves as blunt, or do they beat around the bush instead?it depends? who hes talking to and what about mostly? he can be very blunt, mostly for comedic purposes tho, so i guess he beats around the bush more often? i mean dan says things fairly straight, but not in a blunt way? does that make sense??

currant: what's something that absolutely disgusts your muse (can be a person, place, thing, ect)?mmmmmm is there. really such a thing?? like apart from obvious stuff like inconsiderate assholes and just generally unpleasant people and stuff? mmm probably like. most fast foods? i mean also kinda not as he doesnt care if you consume that stuff, just really dont force him to eat it and hes good? idk dan likes. pretty much everything as long as its not harmful to anyone so like. yeah

crimson: how passionate is your muse about the things they love most?oh, VERY. extremely passionate and he loves to share those things with his friends cause he wants everyone to be able to experience them and yeah

raspberry: what food and/or drink can your muse not get enough of? do they indulge in it often, or is it something reserved for special occasions?sssskittleeeees. he consumes them like. ALL the damn time. which is probably bad but also he doesnt care tbh

baby blossoms: does your muse have a favorite scent? what is it, and why?..my instant first thought was ‘what do unicorns smell like’ so mmm. something slightly sweet maybe? i high key wanna say vanilla but idk?

mallow: what sorts of things might remind your muse of those close to them? any scents, objects, sounds?welp for starters im sure dan has like. songs he associates with each of his friends and such. as for objects, he absolutely treasures any gifts he ever gets, and then theres. the game grumps club jackets woo ~

aubergine: does your muse prefer the day, or are they more of a night-owl?i wanna saaaaay he prefers to actually be awake during the day more? he can be a very sleepy boi and has more energy during the night to take care of things so yeah. plus hes. relatively loud so its much easier for him during the day time when people arent constantly yelling at him to shut up when they want to sleep tbh

acacia: how much does it take for your muse to hate someone?oh, a LOT. dan isnt a hating type at all, like you have to pretty ruthlessly fuck up something really major for him to hate on you, and even then hes. pretty fast to try to forgive and forget and patch things up honestly? hes not one to hold grudges at all

cadmium yellow: what subjects or topics does your muse avoid, because they bring up harmful / painful memories?i mean. personally not much as he doesnt really have those kind of things? and even if he does, dan is pretty open to talk about his life and stuff thats happened, even if for nothing else than to share things with others to show that hey shit can be fucked up but you’ll survive and come through as a stronger person, you know? as for others, yeah if you tell him you dont like certain topics around them hes completely down to not bring them up for you and thats really that - hes not gonna question you or tease you about it or anything like that. dan just gonna take it as it is and be cool with it

honey: when your muse loves someone (whether it be romantic, platonic, or familial love), how do they show it?he can get very physically affectionate tbh. a lot of hugs and cuddles and hand holding. hes very much into sneaking little kisses on your face if your close enough. if youre not down with pda or are a friend or family, then its using words to tell you how much he likes and cares for you, and getting gifts to people of things he knows you like and stuff that makes him think about you when hes picking it out

chartreuse: if you had to describe your muse with a color, what color would it be and why?bbbbllluuuuue. like, a soft shade of blue. not like baby blue, but. blue. cause its his favorite color and i mean maybe this is a personal thing, but to me blue has never been a “cold” color, and knowing what kind of a soft warm personality dan is. yeah

anise: when it comes to self-care, what does your muse do to take care of themselves? do they take care to spend time on it, or do they feel they don't deserve it?he knows his self-worth, thats for sure. tho hes. really bad at taking care of himself if he has a lot to work on, especially when it comes to thinks hes passionate about? like if dan is in a creating mode its really hard to get him to sit down and chill out even for a hot moment, but outside of that he takes pretty good care of himself - doesnt put himself in situations he doesnt like and that get him stressed, actually eats pretty well and gets a decent amount of sleep too, spends time with friends and whatnot

new leaf: what message would your muse send to their past self, if any?mostly he would tell his younger self that things are going to be alright and get better, no matter how things seems to look like now (see ‘danny dont you know’ for example lol)

moss: how easily does your muse adapt to any new situations they're thrust into?hes pretty fast to adapt to new things, honestly. he gets along with people really well as long as they arent straight up assholes, and he loves to get to know new people and places all the time so being thrown into new stuff isnt scary or uncomfortable to him pretty much at all

silk: does your muse care about appearances much? do they spend a lot of time on their own appearance, or do they just go with the flow each day?oh he doesnt really care one way or another tbh. hes a tall boi with a crazy hair, its already hard enough for him to find fitting clothes and keep his hair in some sort of order, he doesnt need to stress about anything else lol. as for others, he doesnt really care either as long as. you dont smell awful tbh. hygiene is the one thing that he cares about honestly

sanguine: does your muse typically have an optimistic, pessimistic, or some middle ground outlook on life?hes an optimist for sure. sure like everyone he has low days, but even then hes trying to keep the outlook on life as positive as possible, no matter what

atoll: if your muse could go anywhere, without any restrictions whatsoever, where would they go? why would they go there?..i just high key wanna say to visit his grandma cause we all know how much he loves her mmmm. probably some other places too, but as far as im concerned, dan is just mostly content being anywhere he is or going or anything as long as he has people he loves around him tho

cool grey: if your muse could ensure one thing for certain in their future to come, what would it be?a stable music career tbh. and/or having people he cares about and who care for him around him

black: does your muse have a 'bucket list?' list some things your muse wants to accomplish before they die.im sure he does, dan is the kind of a person who would like to have some kind of goals in mind for life mmm. well, again with the music career tbh cause thats. kinda obvious. he probably would want to visit as many places in the world too. have like so many dogs. know that he has made someone happy in their day to day life, no matter in what way or who they are. stuff like that ~

colorful headcanons ~

#asagao!dan #this got loooooong oops #tho i mean. you asked for all of them so yeah lol #i left out champagne and coral cause obviously but other than that i tried! #for once my six years of grump knowledge can be used for something LOL #blue-bismuth #thank you for asking! <3

[jess-oh]

Reflection

Hello blog,

it’s been a while. I really hope and pray that no one reads this anymore or at least doesn’t read this post. So if you are reading this, please skip over it. I don’t care if it’s in the future and this is an old post. Skip it. Please.

Just me? Okay cool.

So....i’ve got a lot on my mind and they arent necessarily all good. i think ive been struggling with indentity issues lately and figuring out who i am and who i want to be. i really like michaela and i just got back from playing D&D with her and her friend and i honestly had a good time! but on my way there, i was questioning myself. i thought about how much alcohol we would drink and how much i would just shrug it off and say that it’s fine. when it really wasnt. i was uncomfortable and past me would have never put myself in that position. So why do I keep doing that to myself? Purposely finding places where I could drink and wanting to in an effort to fit in. Why do I care so much? I know that I shouldn’t but I do. And I don’t think it’s a matter of feeling alone. It’s just a matter of wanting more friends and not wanting to be gossiped about or ostracized. 

I also think I’ve been feeling a bit more insecure lately too. I have been more prone to gossip and I realized that I when I previously vented about people, just because I didn’t say their name, it didnt mean that i wasnt gossiping. Because I was. Even if I kept that anonymous, I was still talking smack about them. And then I started questioning the line of gossip. Is venting gossip? Is talking smack in an effort to feel better about yourself gossip? It’s not always so clean and simple where you are intentionally talking badly about someone for the sake of talking badly. I want to spend more time with myself, by myself and figure myself out without influence from outside forces. And I do feel bad because Loren has been messaging me kinda often when I can’t exactly talk on the phone. And I do want to be there for her and although she has been a bit of a burden, I haven’t been a great listener either.  I often just check out of the conversation and vent about her issues to my friends and that seems pretty messed up. I don’t want to do that. I want to genuinely be there for her. I want to be the kind of friend that just drops everything in an effort to care for their loved ones. but... idk man. i also dont know if when ive been thinking, ive just been forcing myself to be this mold or someone that i want to be but not necessarily who i am. i keep saying that im super aggressive and sometimes i am. but not nearly as often as i claim to be. i think thats just who i want to become. and yes, i have been trying to keep myself a little more in check with my bluntness. but honestly, i am scared and intimated by what other people will say when i do want to confront them. i think it’s important to be considerate first. and i was just thinking about the summer and how in my own skin i felt and how God gave me the gift of compassion and how so in love I felt. I was so on fired and fueled by prayer and the words just poured out of my mouth. i didnt even have to think about it there. there was great power present and it was honestly amazing. but when we were at pastor william’s and i was asked what i like most about myself, i said, “compassion.” but it felt so weird. and wrong. because it was no longer true. i think over the summer, that was by far my best quality. i was filled with so much love and care for others and i was blunt bc i just wanted the best for them. but ive grown so unbelievably selfish lately and have “treated myself” way too often. i do still love others. a lot. but it’s not just about me. i want to care and serve for others too. those are my defining features. and maybe one day i will receive the gift of tongues. but for now, i just want to reestablish myself with Christ and move forward from here. I want to be me and work toward a better version of myself. I want to take good care of myself and while gaining control might have been a good excuse in the beginning, im nearly halfway through with the semester now and there are still so many variables that i cant control. so much has been happening and i just want to continue to do my best and maintain my cool. 

im starting to get tired since it’s 2:26am but I really want to finish this blog entry.

So, Andrew. Hi Andrew.

I don’t like Lauren. You’re with her at Disneyland right now and I have no idea how it’s going but I’m assuming and fearing that it’s going really well. Because I really don’t like her. And maybe it’s bc we got off on the wrong foot or because I never gave her a chance. But more than that, she just reminds me of high school and how miserable I was. A part of me is afraid that she’s just using you as a sick joke and laughing about you behind your back with her friends. And I know that you’re worth so much more than that and I don’t know why I’m so worried about you but I am. Maybe it’s because I feel like I’m losing you as a friend. Not just to her but in general. Maybe it’s because I know Lauren is close to Anela and Anela hardcore fucked me over. Maybe it’s because she was on ASB and knew Heidi. And Heidi drove me to cut myself. Maybe it’s just the thought of idea of her, getting close to you, and you guys becoming something more...and the two of us just drift apart again.

I mean, we already are. I finally confronted him recently and said that he’s been a lot more apathetic and selfish lately and he wasnt too offended but i dont think he fully registered it either. and i still havent told him about how he keeps objectifying women by just their appearance or as sexual objects and at first, i kinda just brushed it off and said, “oh...well, he’s a guy! whatever” but i knew in my heart that that is just a cop-out. i know so many guys that are much more respectful and not nearly as misogynistic. But I still want to be his friend and idk if im just overreacting because when i was watching jane the virgin earlier, i realized that i just casually say, “man, hes really cute.” and hes just going that to girls so is that really so weird? and im just not used to hearing the other side of it? maybe?????????? or it’s similar but hes taking it into the sexual approach? but he does still seem willing to give people a chance and move past appearance? But, he’s also been saying hes a lot of things that hes not in an effort to make himself look better. it’s a defense mechanism and i realize that i do that too. whenever something is remotely negative toward me, i immediately try and think of all the reasons why im actually good and not that bad thing. but i want to stop and try to just accept them as true and fact and work on them from there instead of dying them in the first place.

and finally, my sexuality. ive been drawn a lot more over the years to watching big boobs and scantily clad women. and im wondering if it’s bc im lowkey gay but im too afraid to admit it because of my religion? Why would God make me like this anyway? But all the people ive crushed on have also been guys so maybe im just straight? maybe? ???

or bisexual? maybe? i honestly dont know. or maybe it’s just because women are so overly exposed and their bodies are so heavily sexualized in media and im just used to that media too. bc i def feel turned on whenever i watch an anime clip or a real life version of sexy scenes. but it could also just be a result of repression and my sexual desire for the flesh and wanting to feel that intensity and that passion. but i know i shouldnt til marriage! but i would definitely be lying if i said that ive never been tempted. i have definitely thought of masturbation as an option too. eee, who knows. but i also like to dress scandalously sometimes too bc it makes me feel good. yes, sometimes it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. but other times, esp in my high waisted shorts and crop top, i feel BOMB DOT COM!!! And I might even be a little bit turned on by myself. i was hanging out with joyce and sharlene the other day and joyce mentioned how shes only a C cup and i thought about how i’m a D. And yet, Joyce is a lot bigger than I am. And then I felt kind of self conscious. But I do want to be more body positive and grow to love and appreciate my rather large boobs as they are. I know growing up, I felt pretty ashamed of them but I want to just be able to openly flaunt them instead and work in and wear crop tops and low necklines bc i feel good and im killin the game. really. thats part of the reason why i want to dress up as silk from the amazing spiderman. shes pretty well covered but i know that the body suit would accentuate my curves and mostly my boobs and i do want them to pop and feel hottttt. and i did a lot of research into creeps at the con and obviously i want to avoid them but a part of me actually wants to get hit on by a creep, just for my self esteem. yknow? like, wow, im so hot that i am worthy of getting hit on or cat called. and it sucks and it’s a bi degrading but i do think i would feel pretty good about myself, as sad as that sounds. 

im just... im feeling really conflicted right now. i do want to do more exploring but thats not how i was raised but i dont want to live such an oppressed lifestyle but i also just want to be with God. and i want to be around people that i feel open about sharing my sexual fantasies with, even if i want to remain a virgin until marriage. not really but i know that it’s the right thing to do.

hm.

welp, yeah. i played dungeons and dragons with michaela spontaneously. we planned to do it at 11pm that night after work and we follow through and even though we were short a few people and jordan couldnt do my hair, we still had a pretty gr9 time. so yay.

i just. yeah. sigh.i got a lot to do and think about. 

on the bright side, ive made sooooo much progress with my homework! but now i just really got to work on graphic design. ive been realizing that ive been putting that off more and more bc i want to avoid it whilst focusing more on physics and ITM, the two subjects that i previously used to avoid. neither are great but i guess it’s better that im focusing on those two notes bc i am hardcore struggling. but i also dont want to neglect a major class. so...we’ll see, i guess, haha. tess wasnt at work today and i didnt talk smack about her at all. instead, i met hailey and made a new friend c:

im going to see rocky horror tomorrow night and im happy to be going out with my friends and keeping marlena company but i do also feel bad bc church and im risking not waking up. and now that’s just on me. and it’s no longer such a small deal if i decide not to go. bc that affects dana as well and i do really want her to get to know Christ and really rekindle this relationship that she has with Him. I want Lakeview to become a place where people can feel a lot more personable and open with each other. And I don’t want to compare myself to others and wonder why someone did something for someone else but not me because it’s really not about me. it’s about us, in that moment, at that time, and what they are going through. not about me. not at all.

i think that’s all for now. i hope i can get a lot done tomorrow for graphic design and management! C: and i hope i can be more open with andrew too bc we definitely are growing apart and it breaks my heart and i feel this underlying sense of loyalty, just bc we were both there for each other when we needed someone to be there for us. and i am afraid that lauren is going to take up his time and he’ll neglect his time with me and i wont be as much of a priority to him. and that does kinda break my heart and i do miss him. i miss so many of my californian friends. i really do. and i cant wait to see them again over winter break.

#reflection

[deeeeetz]

The one thing I regret about school or studying in general (long post, like hella long man)

I think there are many regrets when it comes down to how you have spent your early years in life whether it be socializing, having fun or just studying. I’ve seen a lot posts and people saying that they regretted not having more fun in school or not paying attention in class, or anything similar to that. I wanna add something to that. I also wanna post a solution to that as well. Now you’ll have to excuse my english and grammar (pls no hate).

One thing i realized, now that I’m in my second year of college, is that i regret not pushing my parents to put me through private classes/tuition classes. I noticed early on during the one or two years that my parents put me through private lessons that I did REALLY well in school. Like, i was put in private classes for flute lessons, and it made me get the first chair (which is like the top seat in band class) during my 5th grade. Or in 6th grade, when my parents put me in a tuition class for math and i really excelled in Algebra 1 during that year. But being the whiny and lazy shit that I am, i didn’t want to continue those classes. Partially because i realized that we were financially struggling and also because i was just plain lazy (i admit i was a piece of shit). Now i realize that most parents (of asian decent especially) push their kids to do hundreds of these private lessons and classes to make their kids be the very best with no regards of their mental stress level or what their kids might be feeling. And my parents probably didn’t want to put that amount stress on, so they never pushed for me to go through this. 

But you know what, I really wish they did. Now im not putting all the blame on my parents and i really do appreciate that they didnt bombard me with school and studying all the time. But this really caused me to take on harder classes (while failing them lol) at school to show that I am smart and that I need to raise their expectations of me, When my parents just told me to do whatever the hell i want (not really socially but in terms of studying), and when they said they have no expectations of me, it felt like it implied that they thought i was just plain stupid and i wasn’t worth their time.

I wanted to decrease their financial burden and i tried studying for myself, but obviously i wasnt doing it right, so i didnt really do well in my classes. Even now im struggling because I dont know how to properly study in the way thats right for me.

Now for my solution:

I know my future kids wont have the same learning style that i did, where tuition/private classes helped me learn. But i can try putting them through them to test out if they are able to get help from them. I’ll try putting my expectations on them. I wanna try pushing them, but with caution. I know that if my kid is excelling in their classes because of the private lesson, then I’ll ask them whether they think its helpful to them and whether they want to continue doing them. If they dont like them, even after seeing the positive results, then ill make a deal (a contract you could say). They’ll have to give up a little bit (i dont know how long those classes would take) of their time and do these private lessons for me, because regardless of what they think is “fun” for them, i want them to grow up with the right habits and understanding. In return, i wont yell or scold at them constantly outside of this allotted time to constantly keep studying. They can play whatever games or go outside do whatever they want (Keeping in mind they have homework to finish, tho). I wont deprive them of having fun and socializing. I know its needed. Afterwards, when its time to go into college, they are free to do whatever they want. I will never bother them about their studies or anything because i trust that they will have the correct habits to study on their own.

On the other hand, if my kids dont find good results coming from their private lessons, then there are three cases at play here: 1) the private classes is not very good or isnt compatible with my child’s learning style 2) my kids arent putting enough effort 3) they really just arent getting no matter how hard they try. Now with #1, i can easily find other methods or classes to put them, if they want to. With #2, I have to somehow make them understand the importance of putting in this effort now, i wont pressure them to do this if they really dont care or dont want to do it. In the case of #3, I’ll just work with whatever passion, or thing they really want or are good at (like art or something). 

I know for sure with the “contract” thing is to make sure that I keep my promise, and i won’t abuse my “right” or whatever as a parent to bully my kids into doing what i want them to do. I want to treat them with respect and make sure they understand that everyone in the house is responsible for their actions. If i make a mistake as a parent, they can put a “check” on saying, “hey mom, i dont think what you did the other day was right, i was feeling like so and so, and i think its better if we could do it like this from now on, is that ok?” and i’ll gladly take in that thought and work with it along with them. I dont want them to bottle up any stress or whatever “injustice” they think is going on. And supposing they think whatever i’m doing wrong is not actually “wrong” per say (idk how to explain this, like they think making them clean up as a chore is wrong, when really its teaching them to be good people around the house kind of example), ill have to explain to them why doing these things are good for them.

I know i kinda went off track here but i want to explain how i wanted my family to run when i was growing up. I grew up thinking sometimes why in the world do i have to do this around the house or make sure that im studying for the classes without help from others and shit like without any sort of explanation. I assumed things on my own and it resulted to me regretting all sorts of things.

I dont want that for my kids.

I hope they understand this.

#long post #me #studying #regrets #school #expectations #parenting #advice #growing up #children #kids #parenting advice #tests #classes #math #english #what i want to do #future #future plans #plans #is this wrong? #my post #deeeeetz #how to be a parent in the future #socializing #having fun #fun #worries #rants #rant post