#also sincere apologies for the bad quality i could only find low

[obihoekenobi]

Daisy Ridley in The Bubble (2022)

#movie edit #the bubble #the bubble edit #daisy ridley #daisy ridley edit #emsgifs #no excuse for this gif #also sincere apologies for the bad quality i could only find low #filmgifs #cinematv #underbetelgeuse #tuserhanna #(disclaimer i have not watched this movie)

[oreganosbaby]

2, 8, 12 for the controversial q's :)

2. Unpopular Paul opinion? Already a tough one... i may have several tbh. I can't really gauge what's popular and what's not because there are relatively diverse views on Paul within the Beatles fandom, so if any of these are popular, i apologize lol.

Musically, I will say that "Wild Honey Pie" is good and that i wish Paul wrote more music hall/jazzy/granny style music bc i do like that, but also i think his voice suits it.

In the Beatles lore/mythos and as a Person (from what we know), I will say that he uses (over?)working as a coping mechanism and it isn't something widely regarded as maladaptive because it's a trait that's often rewarded in capitalist society. Instead, this makes his work ethic a point of pride for him and one of admiration for his fans. Even when he isn't anxious, he's the sort to always feel the need to be "doing something" and I think this is why he didn't like the whole experience in Rishikesh; I think that, perhaps among other things, he didn't feel like they were really “doing anything.” In Get Back, he says that they “weren’t really themselves” there despite being there to “find themselves.” This dismissal of it indicates to me that at the time, he did not see the value in idle contemplation. This need to "do something" is only amplified in anxiety like when Brian died. Soon after that, he did the Magical Mystery Tour movie even tho the others weren't very keen on it. Whether this is actually maladaptive is something I can’t really parse because I’ll admit I don’t know enough about him, but I do think that as with the MMT situation, what he wants for the band isn’t always what the others want nor is it necessarily best. Not everyone feels the same about work and productivity. This is a uniquely “Paul” quality in comparison to the rest of the Beatles who all had far more self destructive tendencies. Honestly, I have more... questionable? Paul opinions to the point where I could get this ask multiple times and have an answer for it.

8.Single worst Beatle look? Sorry to bring him back into this, but I gotta say mullet Paul with the moustache was a low point. Like, they all had their bad looks no doubt, but holy shit. The mullet was already baffling because this is an attractive person making themselves ugly like that, but wow...He and linda looked like a couple you would meet at a swingers party or something.... ;/

12. What do you think of Yoko's art? ...Apologies to Yoko and John, but her art was better before him. Since I don’t really have thorough knowledge of her oeuvre, I can’t really speak to all of it, so this opinion really could change. Of course the work I’m most familiar with is Cut Piece which I think was genuinely quite interesting in how it challenges the relationship between artist, work and audience. I think that much of her art is very “of the time.” The Bed-In, while iconic, is something that in retrospect, can seem quite naive as its understanding of how violence, particularly war, occurs. There might be something to be said abt the perverse fascination and glorification of violence in media, but I’m not quite sure if this is the answer to it. I suppose my taste, at least in performance art, may be a bit more confrontational and aggressive than what Bed-In had to offer. It would also seem that their, or at least John’s opinion on peace and violence would change as he would later donate money to the IRA. In retrospect, it could be considered a bit misguided and naive, but I do think that this act was sincere (as opposed to strictly preformative) because giving material aid directly supports their praxis and it wasn’t terribly public either.

#ahumoroussuggestion #dalia answers #beatles

[meetmeatthecoda]

(star emoji) for Grifting With The Enemy :D

Pumpkin!! 🧡🧡🧡 Hello, my dear friend, thank you so much for your endless interest & support!! 😍😍 And for giving me a reason to re-read GWTE, which I haven't done for a loooong time!! 😂😬 (But, the good news is, it low-key got me inspired to hurry up & finish it!! 😏) BUT - in the meantime - here's some BTS info from my re-read under the cut, which is a lot - fair warning - since it's a 4 chapter fic & counting!! ❤️

LOL I forgot how stressful it is coming up with names for random extra people in fics, I hate doing that LOL But I did think it was important to open with Red NOT being a merciless crime lord who kills anyone who displeases him, cause - while he does have that side to him when necessary - that's not who Red is or wants to be.

I liked including that little moment with Red & Dembe about the parallel parking. I love those father/son & brotp moments for them, they're just the best. I tried to sprinkle those in wherever I could in Red's POV in this fic.

I loved the mental picture of Liz - with glasses & beanie a la The Harem - just leaning casually against a bookshelf the first time Red sees her... & he's immediately captivated, just like in canon. Especially with her eyes, I can't NOT write any version of Red that is not completely blown away by Liz's eyes, I mean, come on I also thought it was important that he thinks she's much younger than she is (intentionally part of her persona) & I'm looking forward to writing the reveal of her true age in a later chapter.

I loved writing a Liz that instantly challenges Red, already having heard about him (& more than that, as revealed in chapter 2) & point blank telling him she may refuse the job bc she has a say too. I liked keeping - & even amplifying a little - that dynamic from canon!Liz of always surprising Red & keeping him on his toes, all while he's trying so desperately to stay ahead of her & impress her.

I LOVED writing the brush pass scene - that moment where Red realizes he has officially underestimated her - & LOL I completely forgot I wrote that part about the condom LMFAO wow past!Coda, mighty daring of you 😂😂😂

Plus, I couldn't help the bonus bit about her stealing his phone & tossing it to him to end the chapter, that was just so fun to throw in there!!

I liked opening chapter 2 with Red still thinking about Liz, just to show how she captured his attention, even before he finds out she's been stealing from him. And I liked writing that revelation without any anger on his part, with him understanding it wasn't a full-scale attack on his empire, she's just a thief taking well paying jobs where she can get them, & instead it just shows him how talented she is. I thought that was an important thing to clarify before moving forward.

I LOVED writing Red & Dembe surprising Liz in her apartment, especially the part with Red's snooping & being confused & surprised by what he sees there. I loved kind of creating/designing Liz's apartment to showcase her true self, not her "young thief" persona that Red falls for at first. I wanted it to be clear that Red is fascinated by her seeming duality from the start (canon LOL) as well as just straight-up attracted to her (also canon LMAO).

Also I gave Liz a loft apartment cause I've always loved those!!

And I LOVEDDD writing Red super confident about surprising her & looking forward to taking her off guard by settling in on the couch & all that macho man stuff, only to be rendered fucking dumbstruck when she comes downstairs with no pants on lmfao & I included that little detail of her usually wearing a knife on her leg to show she's not to be underestimated 😏 & I couldn't help but throw in there Dembe kicking the back of the couch, that made me cackle lmfao

I think the truce was important to establish asap bc I didn't want any secrets or lingering animosity between them. That's for canon 😒 Only flirting & sexual tension here, thank you very much.

I had to include Red being a gentleman & asking if she wanted to get dressed, but I also couldn't resist Liz being confident & careless about it, while still hiding tactfully behind the counter. I thought that was a cute exchange.

lmfao of course, I included their coffee preferences being noticed by the other, I think that's an obligatory thing in any Lizzington fic ever, I'm so guilty of that lmfao

I loved the idea of Red being ready to start on a classic Red's Blacklister Presentation but Liz once again stops him in his tracks (while still secretly being impressed by his presence, of course, & I even accidentally switched POVs for no reason to include that?? nice Coda lmfao) as well as trading barbs & quips with him while Red feels awful & guilty at any accidental slights bc he can't bear to insult her.

AM&R vs. AR&M whoops typo lol

I liked the little snippet of dark!Red we see in their conversation of consequences for his enemies, that way Liz sees a little bit of what he's capable of & Red sees how she's not phased by it.

And that last little flirtation & wink to finish the chapter - lol can't resist

Ooooh, I loved switching to Liz's POV (fully ha) for chapter 3, I enjoyed describing how head over heels she is for Red already, that was fun. I liked writing about her lil movie day & chores she's completed, as well as fleshing out her AU past a little with Sam & her young grifting experiences. And her burning her popcorn while daydreaming about Red cause... same 😏

Ooooh, phone conversations are always so fun to write between them, I love trying to get that perfect mix of joking & sincerity & flirting & pining & pressing the phone close to their ear.

I thought it was important to keep (or rather re-invent, since TPTB seemed to drop it like a hot potato 😒😒😒) Liz's intense interest & respect for psychology, especially as a reason for being attracted to Red, since it kind of mirrors one facet of his interest in her. Not to mention Red thinks at first that it's just a useless, do nothing degree for her LOL

Ohhh, I loved establishing that mutual respect & friendliness between Liz & Dembe early on, that's such a fave of mine, I've always loved their friendship & thought it had a lot of potential. Liz loves & respects Dembe for keeping Red safe & Dembe loves & respects Liz for being so dear to Red.

Ugh, I LOVED writing Liz so completely disarmed by Red's relative state of undress at his safe house (paralleling her pants-less parade in chapter 2, of course) bc sameeeeeeee girl.

I also had fun writing Red blabbing on about some story as he often does, meanwhile Liz has already picked the lock on the safe, once again impressing & surprising him while she admires his different passport pics. That was so fun.

And I loved the quick shift to just a little animosity between them with Red insulting her lockpicks & Liz flaunting her thefts from him. I think those little spats give a little electricity & tension to the relationship, even if they blown over quickly, which they always do. And the fact that Red apologizes & they shake hands & make up is very refreshing to me (since they never fucking do it in canon lol fml) & also it's an excuse to write a little teasing physical contact & sexual tension 😁😁😁

And damn, I forgot how fun it is to throw a little teasing jab in there at the end of a chapter, just for fun - probably bc I'm allergic to multi-chapter fics & never write them lmfao wow

Ahhhhhhhh. I remember how much fun I had writing this whole restaurant scene, partly bc it was a difficult & long process (trying not to make all the flirting & physical movements repetitive while fitting in all the necessary dialogue in a semi-non-boring way lol) but also bc it was so fun writing their back-and-forth while seated at a table alone with nowhere else to go & nothing to distract them. I also wanted to take the opportunity to show Red's genuine interest in her as a person & let them spend some quality time together for the first time. I loved the idea of them losing track of time & Dembe having to come interrupt them with a knowing smirk. Also I def referred to the Olive Garden website for the food they ate cause I'm lame lmfaooo

I thought it was cute to throw in that Liz almost couldn't find Red when she arrived but for the fedora marker he placed out for her & then when she's leaving, she can feel his gaze on her the whole way out. Little parallels like that are my guilty pleasure 😁

Omggg I forgot about the end of this chapter, I remember I wanted Red to surprise Liz yet again & I thought the dessert snuck into her bag was a cute touch. Plus, tiramisu is a favorite of mine 😋 I also tried to make the vibe of this phone call a little softer & more tentative, not so much on tender hooks with lots of tension as the previous ones have been, showing how they're getting used to each other & falling in love at a break neck pace lol

Welp, that's all 4 chapters that are posted buttttttttt a sneaky look at my document that I haven't opened for an embarrassingly long timeeeeeee shows my sketch for the rest of the fic which revealssssss....... a detailed 10 chapter map with an epilogue!! Wow, I forgot I sketched everything out in such detail, this isn't too bad, maybe I should actually write this 😂😂😂 And I promise I will, hopefully sooner rather than later!! ❤️❤️❤️

Well, there you go, Pumpkin, I hope that didn't take you too long to slog through & there was something enjoyable in there for you!! 😂 Thank you so much for your interest again, my lovely friend, & getting me excited about this fic again!! 🥰 Much love to you, always, Pumpkin!! 🧡

Fanfic Writers: Director's Cut

#The Blacklist #Lizzington #fanfic #Grifting With The Enemy #ask games #fanfic writers: director's cut #mine #ask #codewordpumpkin #thank you again my friend!! #:D #i hope you enjoy this #:) #much love!! #<3

[theangrycomet]

Comparing KO’s (OK KO) Character Arc to Cassandra’s (TTS)

Ok THIS^ actually bothers me and I really hope it’s a shit-post. Sorry, @astratic, but you have inadvertently signed up for some Character Analysis.

Let’s establish one critical difference between Cassandra and KO before we really dig into this shall we?

Cassandra is a fully developed, fully functional adult roughly in her early to mid twenties.

KO is a CHILD, who’s age is literally 6-11, though fans typically agree that he acts in the 8-9 range. Additionally, he is commonly head cannoned to be on the Autistic Scale and/or ADHD.

Because of this, their decisions and actions need to be seen through different lenses.

Point 1: work tirelessly to become a hero like [parent] who you idolize

KO:

This statement perfectly depicts KO’s goals. KO strives to be a hero in order to help people to the best of his abilities. He hates being useless and powerless to help his friends, so he trains to be a better hero and works through his struggles with their help. He lives to be like his mommy and his father-figure. I mean, look at him when Gar praises KO and tells him how proud he is of him.

Cassandra:

Cassandra’s goals are different. She wants to be a guard at the end of the day for glory. She wants people to see and acknowledge her abilities and strength and admire her for it.

Yes, making her dad proud is a benefit of that, but that is NOT her driving motivation.

Point 2: Become discourage by lack of progress and hindrance by social status

KO:

Social status was NEVER KO’s problem. His stalling in progress, as I mentioned in another post, was a mental block. He couldn’t tap into his power He came from lower middle, working class family with a single mom.

Cassandra:

Social Status was her problem, but only up until the 1st season finale where she was placed as Captain of the Guard.

She had regular progress in getting more time and respect as a royal guard. The fact that She CHOSE to leave that behind in order to follow her crush on some half-baked, unplanned road trip is only the fault of her own. She threw out the chance she had been waiting for for her entire life to follow Rapunzel.

And than was given numerous opportunities through out the trip to leave and pursue other goals. 

Point 3. Be Mentally Ill

Okay, first OP, you could phrased that WAY better. 

Secondly, the mental struggles our characters face are completely different and largely incomparable so to group the two is insulting to both characters.

KO: 

Disassociative Identity Disorder (or multiple personality disorder) 

Possible Undiagnosed Autism and or ADHD

KO develops Disassociative Identity Disorder, due to his frustration at lack of progress, the manipulation of Shadowy figure, and his bottling up of negative emotions. KO is mostly unaware of what happens when TKO is in charge and vice-versa. It took the two a long time to figure out how to work together and eventually merge back into one personality. 

He also demonstrates some traits typically associated with Autism and ADHD, though some of those could be on account of his age. It is a common head cannon amongst fans that his either and sometimes both. 

Cassandra:

Cassandra doesn’t have to deal with any mental illness until the season 3 finale where it can be gleamed that she’s working through depression if you squint at it. 

Yes, there is the Blueberry Ghost, but she was never a result of Cass’ mental state so much as her being host to the Moon Stone. 

Her struggles lie in reigning in her anger and her pride so that she can see problems from unbiased perspectives and apologize for her actions. And that is left still unresolved by the time the finale comes around. 

Point 4. find out long lost parent is actually horrifically villainous and have a whole crisis about it.

Perhaps, we need a little reminder here before I dig into this one:

KO is a child figuring himself out and Cassandra is an adult figuring out what she wants in life.

KO:

KO had been struggling with his darker side for quite some time before he asked his Mom about who exactly his dad was. 

This was something the show had demonstrated time after time that bothered KO, not knowing who his dad was.

So he finds out his dad was this big time hero, and gets reassurance from that fact that he comes from great heroes, so he too can be a hero. Only for that to be immediately tossed out the window when it’s revealed that the only person he hates in the entire world, the person he dubs as the truly evil villain, is actually his father. 

His whole world is not only shook to its core, but his self-confidence as well. Laserblast was a great hero who turned villain; what does that mean for a hero-in-training whose already struggling with that darker side. 

Praise Carol for not killing PV on the spot. 

Additionally, PV didn’t actually know KO even existed until a few months before this incident, and wasn’t even sure if KO was his kid (KO does coincidentally share a lot of Physical attributes to Gar) until KO came busting in, wearing Laserblast’s helmet and bragging about how his dad was a great hero.

So when they attempted to have that father-son relationship, it was as awkward and strained as it should have been. (I’ll get to the OK KO Finale in just a minute)

Cassandra:

Cass could have cared less as to whom her real parents were. She had her dad. She had her goals. She had her job. Who her parents were and why they dumped her on the Captain was irrelevant to her life. 

She didn’t care until Season 3, and that whole season was OOC for everybody, 

Even then, it wasn’t so much as a crisis so much as an excuse to use to fight Rapunzel. It didn’t matter that Gothel was her mother, it mattered that Gothel picked the Sundrop over her. Which in all honesty was the best thing that could have happened to Cass.

Her “crisis” revolved around a dead woman’s shattered legacy more than her mother. 

Point 5: Fall under the influence of said Villainous parental figure

KO TKO: (again, a CHILD)

TKO was used and manipulated into letting his darker side show by Professor Venomous/ Shadowy Figure, (this is my opinion), in order to actually have something they could relate to eachother on. 

Yes, Shadowy Venomous saw TKO as more of his tool for power, but you can’t deny that he wasn’t motivated to have his son by his side. 

Additionally, KO had at this point literally locked away a part of himself because he didn’t have the tools to deal TKO with this mentally or emotionally. So he responded the best way he could and pushed the problem down so he and others wouldn’t have to keep cleaning up TKO’s messes.  

KO was in desperate need for someone to understand how he was and how to help him.

And guess who was there.

Cassandra: (again, an ADULT)

Cass was never led on by Gothel, she was led on by Zhan Tiri.

Cass was delusioned that the moonstone was hers by Zhan Tiri just as much as Rapunzel was delusioned into thinking stopping the moonstone was her destiny by Demanitus. 

However, Zhan Tiri really didn’t make Cass do anything, she never pushed her past the breaking point, she never forced her to do anything. 

Baked Ziti only prompted Cass, reminding her what she was angry at. 

Cass was perfectly capable of ignoring her and doing her own thing. 

Point 6: suddenly and dramatically betray everyone you love even as they plead with you to stop. Become convinced they all hate you except for [villainous parental figure] who is actually just manipulating you to gain power.

This point is actually a very good description of what happened to both, given different contexts. Again, remember that KO is a child who is significantly more easily influenced than Cass should have been.

(Note: again, Zhan Tiri’s not her Parental figure and neither was Gothel)

Point 7: ruin everything and destroy your home

KO TKO:

His destructive rampage was motivated by the betrayal of the one person he believed to understand and support him entirely. He was literally grabbed by the shirt, lifted in the air, told he was nothing more than a tool at best, and that the plan to conquest together had been a lie. 

Wonder where I’ve seen THAT BEFORE?

(Sorry about the low photo Quality, I quickly search and screen shotted so)

(yes it’s this scene that made me think Mad Ben and TKO would get along)

Cassandra:

Which betrayal are we talking about? Because both involve trained guards rightfully attacking Cass for injuring the crown royalty and wrecking the castle.

Point 8/9: snap out of it at the last second and be horrified at what you've wrought/ the world is fixed by an incredible magic. Reconcile with your loved ones. Flourish

KO: 

This is accurate. 

But KO didn’t have to lose his power to see how bad he messed up. He was actually at the top of his game. He probably could have taken out the President of the Universe if he really wanted to. Instead he begged for everything to get fixed, and wished that EVERYONE (even Professor Venomous) could live their best lives. 

Cassandra:

She was only repentent AFTER she lost her power. Even then, she does not apologize for her actions but rather the circumstances and ONLY to Rapunzel herself. She does not care that she caused a world catastrophe, and still wouldn’t have had she won. 

With how it was executed, Cass did NOT deserve such an easy redemption. She should have had to work at it. She should have at least attempted to apologize to the people whose lives she ruined. To the people she’s hurt. Not just Rapunzel. Rapunzel has no right to forgive her in place of everyone else. 

Eugene should not have to forgive her.

Varian should not have to forgive her.

The Brotherhood honestly deserves to fight her in combat. 

She should not have been able to ride off into the sunset and avoid the consequences of her actions. 

BUT I digress. 

IN SUMMARY:

KO and Cass, while they share some similarities, do NOT have the same Character Arc. At all.

Sincerely, 

TheAngryComet

#I was enraged when I read this #Ok KO Let's be Heroes #OK KO #KO #TKO #MKO #Kaio Kincaid #Professor Venomous #Shadowy Figure #LaserBlast #Shadowy Venomous #Mr.Gar #Gar #Eugene Garcia #El Bow #Carol Kincaid #Silver Sparks #Carol Garcia #Tangled the Series #TTS #Rapunzel #Cassandra #Moon!Cass #Moon Cassandra #Lightly Salted #Erm.. #okay more than a little #Salty #Salt #Character Analysis

[purplerayne17]

The Letter (BAKUDEKU)

Ugh.

Izuku had been staring at this blank page for the past five hours. He began, only to find himself deleting everything he had managed to type. How to convey his emotions correctly without coming across as too much of a creep was harder than he figured.

You see, he had been going to a psychologist for his anxiety, but after a few sessions the doctor had determined that he had to work on his self-esteem first.

Bullshit.

He was fine.

Izuku wasn’t the best-looking guy around, but he was smart and creative.

Then again, he had also settled to study for something he knew would be easy because he was afraid he wouldn’t be good enough. He’d wanted to study law, and he was even accepted to the best programs, but this was foolish of him; he was terrible at social interactions and he hated memorizing things. It was the smart move to give that up.

Izuku had also stayed at his quaint little hometown instead of traveling because he knew it was a risk to leave his current job.

His current job where he didn’t talk to anyone; his current job that he kind of hated.

Getting off track again to sulk about the past—awesome.

Izuku’s assignment was easy. He, despite all his best efforts, had fallen for a guy in his town. Stupid. He should be looking for a guy to whisk him away to another part of the world and that way, at least one of his dreams would come true. But the blonde smelled so good though…

Again, side-tracked.

Izuku’s assignment was to write a letter to the crimson-eyed man, letting him know of his true feelings. Even if the man never received it, he needed to write a letter that included zero self-criticism, and a hundred percent sincerity. It should be easy, right?

“Dear…” No, too formal.

“Greetings!” Was Izuku an alien?

“To whom it may concern…” What the hell? Was Izuku writing to a random company?

“Dude!” Eliminated before it was even typed.

Izuku pushed his laptop to the side and got up, made himself a sandwich with yesterday’s leftovers, and ate. Some distractions might be good. This did not work; his mind kept drifting to the blank slate he had left on standby. He sighed and decided to start again—this time focusing on the message and leaving the greeting for later.

Just to catch you up, they had met through a mutual friend, and Izuku thought he was cute, but looked a little too stuck up for his taste. Izuku didn’t exactly have a type. Piercings, tattoos and an adventurous spirit made him feel warm and fuzzy inside, but he also liked smart men, artistic men, men in uniforms; hell, even women with all of the aforementioned qualities! This man was part(most) of those. Biggest problem was that he was a small-town man with simple aspirations, but something about him stuck. The next time they met, they talked a little more and they realized they had a lot more in common.

The blonde could never like someone like Izuku, he thought. You see, the blonde was tall, had flawless skin, and was brimming with confidence. Izuku on the other hand had pale skin littered with scars, terrible fashion sense, and a world of baggage.

One day, he had made plans to go to the movies with some friends and he knew the man was going. What Izuku did not expect was for everyone to bail and leave them alone. This is just friends at the movie theater, he thought. Izuku felt mortified as he remembers what he had worn that day. He stayed stiff and silent throughout the whole movie just drowning in embarrassment.

The man, Katsuki, was polite and asked Izuku to get a bite to eat. No big deal, friends go get a slice of pizza all the time. Okay, maybe Katsuki was a bit fancier because this wasn’t Pizza Hut, but an actual restaurant. Izuku just had to play it cool and enjoy the time with his friend, no biggie.

Afterwards, the blonde offered him a ride to his car which was back at the theater, and Izuku couldn’t refuse; I mean, he wasn’t about to walk all the way back. But as they neared Izuku’s car, Katsuki parked. Izuku felt a bolt rush up his spine.

‘What is he doing?’

And that’s when it happened. The crimson-eyed hottie told him he liked Izuku in a long, well-thought-out speech. Izuku’s mind was mush and he just mumbled a quick reply before bolting towards his own car.

His mind buzzed, still reeling from the information he had received, unable to process what he had heard. He was so deep in his thoughts that he reached his home without noticing. Izuku was about to leave for a different state in two weeks and NOW he says something? Also, why? There were much better candidates all around.

So, to help him process his emotions, he went to his therapist, who—although a little condescending—was usually a big help. In the end, his dark-haired therapist helped him see he had probably hurt the guy, but Izuku also knew that he didn’t want to give up his dreams yet again over a guy he had just met.

So now, Izuku sat once again in front of his laptop, trying to type in some sort of apology/explanation that could satisfy them both.

The best approach, he decided, was to be blunt and then soften it down.

“I know you said you liked me, but why?” This implies low self-esteem. Delete.

“I’m sorry. I can’t date you right now because I want better things out of life.” Harsh much? You can be nicer, Izuku.

Okay, last try.

“Thank you for your words last night; I really did not expect a friendly outing to have that outcome. You’re hot an pretty much perfect, however, I shouldn’t be in a relationship right now because I need to work on myself first.”

Not bad, but also VERY cliché. Delete.

He stretched and let out a big groan. Why did he have to agree to this exercise?

Stupid paper. It was fine when he spoke the words, but having to write them? Ouch!

In the end, he did write up a small, honest letter that would appease his therapist and left the office thinking he had done okay.

Izuku did feel better, and the best part was that Katsuki would never see it. When he got to his apartment, he began packing for his trip.

Little did Izuku know, that his therapist was Katsuki’s friend and would actually hand him the letter.

On his last day home, just as he finished taping up the last box, he heard a knock on his door.

“Coming!”

Izuku went over to get his wallet and reached in to pay the take-out guy, but when he looked up, his face blanched.

It was him. Katsuki Bakugo. He looked...angry.

Izuku blinked his emerald eyes slowly, as if waiting for the specter of his nightmares to disappear; however, he didn’t, and instead spoke in an urgent tone.

“I think we should talk.” Waving the letter in Izuku’s face as he entered the flat.

Ugh!

Why couldn’t he have just left the damned page blank?

#bakudeku #bkdk #katsudeku #insecurities #anxiety #short fic #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #au

[earthendandinbetween]

I’m so rusty at writing and also it’s 3 am so I dont know what kind of quality to expect here.

I wanted to write a lot of dialogue sooo I picked out the moment when Gong decided to talk to Kuwagattan before the ambush in pp2 in Calle’s timeline. Taken kind of in a middle part of the situation.  I uhhhhhhh hope you like this very rusty ass writing.

“...Thank you, for agreeing to have a peaceful conversation,” Although his words were sincere, every word and movement felt….stilted. Performative.

General Gong shook his head slightly, watching carefully as the much larger dekapon took a step forwards. This, this didn’t feel right. They weren’t supposed to be on opposite sides like this, not at all. This--- The zigoton sighed inwardly. He felt responsible, of course he did. If he hadn’t died then none of this ever would’ve happened.

He came here for closure. That’s all. There’s no changing the past.

“Cut the formalities,” The voice of the akumapon general was jarring. It held so much familiarity to it and yet, there was such malice behind the tone. A venom to it that made him more of a stranger than before, “I’m not here to play nice. I’m merely humoring you before I tear those patapons apart.”

Of course. He couldn’t expect a politeness back. That was still a familiar facet to the other general, something he held even in the past. With the gleam off the green decals of his hammer, Gong gripped his own scythe a little tighter. He’d need to be quick. You cannot expect peace for very long, especially around an enemy.

“I understand,” More-so than he was going to state of course, “General erm...Kuwagattan. I merely wanted to ask a question.”

‘For my own sake’ was an addition he best felt left out of the equation.

It was almost difficult to judge Kuwagattan’s emotions, but there were very clear details he failed to hide away. A quirk of the brow as his expression changed to a more amused one. A glance to the side. He was thinking. But what about was much, much harder to gauge.

“A question?” The akumapon almost chuckled, a hint of annoyance still very clear, “You discover an ambush for your ally, cross enemy lines...All for a question? That’s...very you.”

He was taken aback by the statement. This was clearly bait to get under his skin, something he shouldn’t pay any mind to….And yet. The curiosity ate at him.

To Gong this wasn’t merely an enemy. He wouldn’t normally bother with such, unless he felt a truce or alternative could truly be made. This was unusual behavior of himself, thus it made the statement much more odd.

“What do you mean?” The general silently cursed himself for falling for it in the end. But, this was most likely the last time he would ever see the other. He wanted at least a few answers, even if brief or only half of the truth. Just to put this all to rest.

Kuwagattan’s eye further creased in amusement and he resisted the urge to glare, to react at all. Now wasn’t the time for petty fits or clashes. He’d learned well to remain patient.

“Heh. A Queen’s lapdog who instead of hunting down an enemy and cutting them down on-sight decides to commit to some useless honor code, who looks for some other solution in his plans before going to attack,” The akumapon’s pupil shrunk into a much smaller slit, voice half on the verge of laughter and half on rage, “Someone who learns of an ambush and instead of fighting back decides to pull--- whatever this is. Someone weak. Pathetic. Need I go on?”

“...It is not weak to seek a separate route,” Gong tried to loosen the vice-like grip on his scythe as he continued, “It is not pathetic to try to communicate with one who was once an ally.”

A resounding, yet dull thud echo’d in the crater momentarily. The zigoton stiffened, watching carefully as the other general had lowered his hammer, opting to lean against it. His expression had changed drastically. The anger and borderline hatred wasn’t concealed anymore. It was very clear that these statements were not welcome ones.

Gong wished he could blame him.

“So that’s what this is really about,” The utter venom that dripped from the low chuckle was enough to sting, enough to raise the guilt further, “You want to talk me out of what I’m doing. Bring me back and place me right back to where I was before.”

Gong took several steps back, eyeing the akumapon as he begun to circle, grumbling and increasing the grip on his weapon with every step and word as it dragged across the dirt.

“You want me to return to being Kharma’s pawn? That’s funny...Last I checked, I don’t answer to her anymore. So you can leave and tell your precious Queen that you failed. Again and again.”

There was something odd about the behavior. The hatred was very clear in his voice, but Gong could still pick up on something hidden underneath the tough facade. Hurt.

“This has nothing to do with her,” He kept his voice steady, calm, “I came here of my own will.”

“And why is that? You know we’re enemies. What are you gaining here? To try and make me feel bad for joining an army more powerful than yours? To make me regret embracing this form?”

“No.” The zigoton sighed heavily, “I’m not here to convince you to join me. I came here for a selfish reason, that much I can admit. I only wished---...To apologize. For all of this.”

The heavy footsteps that had been circling him paused. A look of confusion, hurt, and that ever venomous rage that seemed to dull at the words had taken over Kuwagattan’s features. This clearly, was something he had never been told before. At least, not like this. An apology was enough to stun him.

“...What?” his voice was much, much softer than the incredibly gruff voice he had taken before. One simple questioning word followed by an unnatural pause in the conversation.

“General Kuwagattan,” the zigoton steeled himself slightly, this whole ordeal had gotten so far out of his control, “I have made peace with Kharma. With General Spiderton. With the others who were still alive and had their souls unfairly taken. I feel--- although I know no matter what I did it would not have changed the pact--- I do feel responsible for not being able to stop it.”

Unnatural quiet. He expected a response, an interruption. Perhaps even an attack, but nothing came.

“...I am truly sorry, Beetleton.”

A moment of recognition in the other’s eye, an almost understanding look--- and then that moment of calm was gone, replaced with a furrowed brow, a shove of the hammer, a glare.

“Do not ever refer to me by that name,” Kuwagattan practically hissed, “That form of me is long gone, with all its weakness and mediocrity. That is not my name. You think that any of this matters? That I’m going to leave those pathetic cowards be? That-”

“Are you happy here?”

Another uncomfortable silence in the dark night of the crater hit. He felt like he was being dared to speak again by the utter taken aback look the other had given. Gong hadn’t meant to cut the other general off, but the question he had truly come to ask had been eating away the entire time. He needed to know.

“That’s it. That’s the question I had.”

“Wh...Why do---” the akumapon shook his head roughly, his voice lacking the bite it had much earlier in the conversation, “What kind of a stupid question is that?”

“...You are still a zigoton,” Gong replied, softer than intended, “Though we may be on different sides now, I still want to be sure that this--- This is truly what you want.”

“You’re a fool, Gong,” Came back the bitter response, though the venom seemed to be draining further with each word, sinking further into confusion, hurt, uncertainty, “This strength is all I have ever wanted, all I ever had. I owe it to Dark Hoshipon to show it off and gain revenge against those stupid circles.”

Strength. Always back to strength. The constant need to prove himself to somebody else. Being turned into a pawn yet again with no care to what happens afterwards. Gong forcefully held his tongue. Cursing his new leader could only result in a worse scuffle here. Gods forbid it turned into a full fight.

“I understand. You wished for strength, you gained such, and now you serve a new leader,” It only took a moment to think of his next words, “That. That does not answer my question, Kuwagattan.”

“What are you looking for, then? I gave you what you wanted. I’m glad to serve Dark Hoshipon in exchange for the power I’ve been given.”

“Tell me then. Is this what you believe in?”

There were clear cracks in the akumapon’s facade now, more and more of his true thoughts coming through as the conversation continued. This….wasn’t expected. However, Gong was willing to take advantage of the situation. Perhaps, prevent the general from dying once more. The quiet, almost shocked demeanor of Kuwagattan gave the zigoton another opportunity to speak.

“You do not wish to be a pawn again. Therefore it’s only fair to ask you. Do you want to fight for this? To destroy everything alongside that star? Is it what you truly believe in?”

“I-” The rage died off in the akumapon’s throat, replaced with a low, almost whimper-like sound of frustration and pain. He was breaking, “...What does it matter, anyways?”

“It matters because there’s a choice,” Gong kept his tone firm, “You do not have to be a pawn to another leader who wishes to achieve a goal with no worry for the consequences. You, Kuwagattan, can leave. You can find something you really believe in. Something worth that time.”

The hammer fell to the dirt, replaced with balled fists and a gaze that refused to meet his own.

“...If you’re so wise about all this,” the akumapon’s voice was more like a hoarse croak now, holding back appearing weaker, even for a moment, “Then, what is there to believe in?”

The question had taken him a moment to process. A vulnerable, honest sentence. Something sincere that wasn’t hidden behind pretending that he was better than such a fear.

“I cannot tell you what to believe in, or what to fight for,” the zigoton general dipped his head down, “That’s not for me to decide. If you choose to leave this charade behind, to abandon your leader, you can find out for yourself. There is a lot to fight for in this world, a lot to care about. That much I can promise you.”

Gong watched as Kuwagattan’s gaze led upwards to the night sky, something almost contemplative about it all. Something much, much more vulnerable. Very strange.

“A lot to fight for, huh?” There was a complete lack of rage, a complete 180 from the personality he had been clinging to before. This was so much more different. Calm, collected, “I’ve seen a lot of fights, but I don’t think I’ve ever believed in the cause. Not truly. This is all I have.”

“...It doesn’t have to be,” he held back the urge to offer the other a hand, “You can go at anytime, and find something better out there.”

“And if there’s nothing out there?”

“Then,” The zigoton leader cleared his throat, “Then you find me. You are still a zigoton general, a good warrior. I would be glad to help.”

“...I had considered running away before,” The much gentler tone was still deeply unusual. Had his words really worn away the akumapon this much? “It just never seemed to make sense.”

“It’s up to you. If you want to stay, or leave. It’s not weak to decide this isn’t worth fighting for.”

The eye contact was a wordless form of recognition. The fear of weakness. The confusion of it all.

“...I’m still going to face them,” Kuwagattan finally spoke up after a moment, “I feel like--- It will decide for me, that fight.”

Of course. The goal of the night was never to stop the attempted ambush. He couldn’t expect it all to be called off, to suddenly be allies, or friends. He just wanted this simple closure. To know his apology was heard, even if not accepted.

“I understand,” Gong gave a respectful bow, “Warriors are born to fight.”

“...You’re going to warn them.”

The statement took a moment to realize the context. The ambush. His discovery of it.

“Ah. Yes, of course. The patapons are an ally of the zigotons. It would be wrong not to warn them of the attack you had planned.”

“...I will prepare accordingly.”

“I am sure you will,” It was clear the conversation had gone as far as it could, with the end approaching  quite quickly, “I shall be on my way.”

A grunt of acknowledgment signaled the general that it was over, his presence was no longer needed. He could only hope, with the strange, strange mind Kuwagattan had always been known for in the past,  that perhaps his words had truly made an impact. A senseless death of one that he still saw as an equal...It would be unfortunate. The quiet chirping of insects were both welcome and strange after everything that had occurred as he stepped around the rocky terrain of the Babaran Crater. Had he done the right thing? Said the right words?

“General Gong?”

The gruff voice almost caught the zigoton off guard, causing him to jolt before turning slightly to look behind himself. The other held an almost ‘smile’ with his eye, a strange, almost understanding one. Quietly, Gong motioned for him to continue his words, a mixture of uncertainty and hope gripping him.

“...Perhaps we will meet again soon.”

And with the statement, Kuwagattan had disappeared off into the darkness opposite of himself, leaving the general to consider what he had meant alone.

It’s funny, how differently things play out compared to one’s thoughts. Meet again soon...

“I certainly hope so.”

#Rabbit At The Keyboard (ooc) #Writings (oneshots) #Wise General (Gong) #Stubborn Beetle (Kuwagattan) #(This was fun but I also hope my dyslexia didn't mess up too much of it + im so rusty at writing help

[steakook]

not a house but a home

Pairing: boyfriend!Jungkook x Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Domestic Fluff, Angst, very very light Smut if you squint

A/N: feeling all kinds of soft for the babie after his “Never Not” cover. This was supposed to be a Drabble but, as always, jungkook takes my heart further ༼;´༎ຶ.̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨.̸̸̨̨۝ ༎ຶ༽ . Enjoy!

///

“Babe?”

I let out an unintelligible response. My toothbrush is still buzzing in my mouth, for God’s sake. Jungkook takes it as a sign to continue.

“Can you please please PLEASE clean your side of the bathroom?” He says pleadingly with puppy dog eyes but also a hint of seriousness. He means business today.. of all days, Monday.

“SDFGHHH!!! DFYJKGGJK” I let out.

“I know it’s morning and I know you’re grumpy but PLEASE I can’t keep looking at this mess.”

I spit out into my sink. As I’m doing so I look at the cocktail of toiletries that litters my side of the vanity. 5 different Bobbi brown lip tints strewn about. Several makeup brushes and palettes clutter the white marble. Multiple face washes, moisturizes, and various other skincare products I’ve been sold by the deceptive Sephora employees, 83% of which I don’t use. Hair. Hair everywhere. I can’t help it, with hair like this I can’t just empty my comb every single day.

“I have no idea what you’re referring to.” I say to my beautiful and unfortunately meticulous boyfriend with a smirk.

He heaved a loaded sigh.

“Baaaaaabe.”

Here we go.

“I can’t look at this every morning!! How can you have your side so messy and still be able to operate throughout the day clearly?! Being organized brings peace to one’s life.”

Oh God I don’t remember putting something up his ass last night and leaving it there. I giggle in my head. I need to save that joke for later.

“You know, if I knew you’d be this messy, I would’ve just stayed at the dorms. Living with you is basically as bad as living with them.” Jungkook says, no trace of playfulness in his voice.

“Oh really? The same? Y’all giving each other cuddles?? Y’all sucking each other’s dicks?! Hmm??”

Ok in all honesty i really shouldn’t start a fight this early in the morning let alone week. But he knows how grumpy I am in the mornings. Not only do I have to wake up and ungodly hour (7am is ungodly for some of us, okay?), but I naturally hate being forced out of my comfy bed cuddling with my exorbitantly organized but very hot boyfriend.

I look at him. He has an incredulous look in his eyes. We’ve had this fight multiple times since moving in with each other 6 months ago. To be quite frank, there have been more growing pains than happy moments. I started realizing my organized chaos choice of living deeply contrasted jungkook’s need to put everything in its place and if it can be alphabetized, all the better. I’m annoyed and so is he.

“Are you serious? Can’t you do this ONE thing for me? One thing that will significantly improve not only mine but your life as well? I swear it’s amazing how much you accomplish at work when you practically do nothing at home.”

Oh. Wasn’t expecting that.

He must see the change in playfulness in my face, immediately regretting his words.

“Babe I’m sor-“

“Don’t worry about it. I have to finish getting ready. I have a big presentation to present to the Japanese stockholders this afternoon regarding our globalization plan.... I mean, hopefully i don’t fuck it up seeing as how I live my life in such a clusterfuck it’s a wonder how i get things done there. Right, jungkook?”

I don’t wait for him to answer as i leave our shared bathroom but he just continues to stand there. I hit him low too.

Living together has put quite a strain on our relationship because we haven’t really found that symbiotic rhythm yet. To be honest, I kick ass and take names in the board room but I’ve never found myself to be very... well... domestic at home. Jungkook, on the other hand, not only is good at every chore. He is amazing. he has a neurotic obsession with making sure laundry never overflows in the hamper, dishes are always clean and the sink is empty, and making sure dust never accumulates. I swear to God. For someone who is an international kpop sensation, how does he have time to keep our house looking so great everyday.

This is a quality of his I worship. His never ending never endingness. There is always work to be done, this can always be cleaner, that can always be done today not tomorrow. Me, on the other hand, I wear two hats. There is the Business Y/N who has an MBA and literally climbed her way up the corporate ladder. Queen of making deals and making grown men cry around the world. I have a 401k. I know. Amazing. But outside of that, I’ve always been Party, easy going Y/N. My job already requires me to be ruthless yet charismatic AND strategic everyday, I don’t need to bring that elsewhere.

If I hadn’t had the second hat, I don’t think I would have ever met jungkook. We met at a random awards show I was attending for fun with some friends, my close friend from B-school scoring us tickets within the artists’ seating. We’ve been inseparable ever since.

I’ve always envied kook for his ability to be at the forefront in everything in his life. From his career, to his multitude of sports and hobbies, to taking care of his homestead. He’s more serious and cares more about little things than I think he purposely lets on. We are yin and yang. opposites attract, yes, but can they actually coexist?

It’s been a long day when i get home at 10pm. Funny enough, both our schedules are so hectic but perfectly align with his late dance practices and my evening calls to Belgium.

Our golden doodle puppy greets me.

“Matcha!!!!!! How are you my love???” She showers me with kisses. Oh how lovely this is after a particularly shitty day.

I turn into the tv room and see him laying there icing his knee. He looks gorgeous. Even now, barefaced and in a hoodie that’s three times his should-be size and basketball shorts, watching the 6th season of nartuto. (For the 7th time).

We look at each other waiting for one to break. It’s always been like this. What more could you expect from two highly-competitive and maybe a bit self-righteous individuals? Maybe we are more similar than we are different.

“Hi baby.” I cave.

The hard look on his face softens. He puts his guard down, relieved we won’t have to fight. I go over and lay down next to him making sure i don’t hit his knee. He wraps me in his large arms and I feel a glow of comfort. He smells like fresh laundry. (Which is probably accurate since he made sure to do a load today before heading to the studio.. someone say ANAL RETENTIVE with me!!)

“You smell so nice.” He is soft. No, he is softness personified. As much of a tough, stubborn Virgo as he is, he is a ball of pudding when it comes to after work moments like these. He tucks his nose into my hair. And kisses me absentmindedly.

“About this morning-“ He starts. But I cut him off.

“No, no. I’m sorry. I know it’s been hard living together with our opposing..... lifestyle choices” he snorts. “But I know you’ve had to bend to me more than I’ve had to bend to you. And for that I’m sincerely sorry. I haven’t made nearly as much of an effort to make this work. But the change has been hard for me. I’ve never had to live with a boy let alone share a bathroom with one. And not only that, I had always imagined I WOULD BE THE CLEANER ONE.” He chuckles quietly and plants some chaste kisses on my temples.

“Babe, no. I know. You’re still adjusting. But I need to apologize too. I didn’t mean what I said earlier but i just get so frustrated sometimes! You’re hard headed and I am too. But still I shouldn’t have said those things I’ve said about you not being great at your job. Your ferocity is one of the reasons i love you. It’s also extremely hot.”

I smile and look up into those big brown doe eyes and I melt. How could he look so good after practicing the whole day? And how could he be so patient and loving to someone like me? Messy and unorganized.

“I love you. So much. I don’t deserve to be with someone like you. You’re amazing at everything it’s so damn frustrating sometimes. Not only do you devote your life to an occupation that require so much of you, you also still make time to take care of us, this place. I’m sorry I don’t make things easy.”

“Y/N. You may be frustratingly messy. I don’t understand how one person can produce so much goddamn hair at once to be quite honest. You shed more than Matcha. But being with you is easy. You make life easy. You give me easiness when so so so many other things in this life are so hard and time consuming. So many people want so much from me and I want to be the person they need. But when I’m with you, it doesn’t feel like work. It’s easiness in its purest sense. Even though you don’t clean up your shit.”

I giggle.

“But even then, i wouldn’t trade this for anything else.”

I kiss him chastely and he holds my chin up for better access. We kiss like this for a while before he swipes his tongue against my lip asking for permission. Though he doesn’t need any. The kiss escalated into something deeper. Hotter. He licks into my mouth and I feel heat stir in my stomach. Fuck.

He uses his arms already wrapped around me to place me on top of him. Ice bag long forgotten on the floor. We make out passionately as if our lives depend on it. I put my hand to the back of his neck and run through his gorgeous thick chocolate hair. So lush.

I find myself straddling his waist and grind my core against his half hard-on. He moans.

“Fuck..”

I grind harder with intention and fill fires of lust consume me. Holy fucking shit. It always feels like the first time. He puts his hands on my thighs gripping them and forcing me to go harder onto his dick.

After a few minutes he sits up, lips still connected and lifts me up. I smirk into the kiss already knowing where this is going. He carries me along the marbled tile hallway to our bedroom and throws me on the bed. He strips himself of his hoodie.

“You know... you’ve been quite disobedient to me, Y/N. I think it’s time to put you in your place.” He says sternly. God, he has never looked more hot.

///

A/N: thank you so much for reading!!!! Hopefully you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. This is my first fic so please let me know if you liked it! 

Lots of love.

-M

#jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook reader #bts smut #jungkook x reader #bangtanarmynet #jungkook fluff #boyfriend!jungkook #domestic!jungkook #jungkook #slice of life

[rosethornewrites]

Fic: this body yet survives, ch. 3

Relationship: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn

Characters: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī, Lán Huàn | Lán Xīchén, Lán Qǐrén, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín, Jiāng Yànlí

Additional Tags: No War AU, Recovery, Trauma, Dissociation, Courtship, Courting Rituals

Summary: Lan Wangji and Wei Ying go to Caiyi, but have an unexpected encounter.

Notes: See end

Parts 1 & 2

Chapter 1 | 2 

AO3 link

----------------

Wangji soaked in Wei Ying’s good cheer, how he flitted around the mountain path on the way to Caiyi to examine anything that caught his eye. He had to discourage him from capturing another rabbit for the herd in Cloud Recesses; after all, they would have to go back if he was successful, and they had not yet reached their destination.

“On the way home, then,” Wei Ying said, his grin as wide as those during his days as a student, and Wangji’s heart clenched in joy to see it.

Caiyi was bustling, the fishermen hawking the morning catch, and Wei Ying held back a little at the chaos of it, staying closer to Wangji, reminding him that he was still fragile, still easily overwhelmed. This was the first trip to town since he had truly started to heal, after all.

Wangji had a mental map of the town and the places he wished to take him, purchases he wished to make; a gaun, scented oil for his hair, spicy foods—whatever Wei Ying wanted, he would have—and the personal additions to the betrothal gifts he would present to the Jiang siblings.

As hesitant as he seemed to enter the crowd, Wei Ying was also fascinated by the fish hawking, curious about the tubs of live catch. He stopped to watch a turtle for a bit, fascinated by the markings on the top of its neck that resembled eyes. It was a colorful specimen, with a dark brown shell and distinctive markings.

“Do you want it?” Wangji asked softly. 

Wei Ying smiled at him, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Where would I put it? The Cold Spring? Your uncle would kick me out.”

Wangji frowned, troubled that Wei Ying still thought, even jokingly, he would be discarded so easily, that his place was so tenuous. He had to remind himself that shufu and xiongzhang would clarify that today, that he would soon realize the Cloud Recesses was his home. 

“There is a small pond outside the jingshi,” he offered.

“‘Pets are forbidden,’ Lan Zhan. You don’t need more creatures to take care of.”

He wondered if they were speaking of the turtle anymore. 

“Not a pet,” Wangji clarified. “It is a wild thing, and could live to old age there, protected.”

As he hoped Wei Ying himself would in the jingshi with him—not as a caged creature, but as his beloved, loved as he deserved.

Wei Ying was quiet for a moment, watching the turtle, but finally nodded.

“Let’s rescue it, then,” he murmured, his voice rough. “So it won’t end up someone’s dinner tonight.”

Turtles, after all, were symbols of longevity, power, and tenacity. In some ways, they represented what Wei Ying had endured and survived. He had endured so much, had defeated the water he had been left in to die. Turtles were seen as powerful bringers of luck and serenity, both things Wei Ying could use. Perhaps this encounter, their purchase of it, was auspicious. 

He stayed close as Wangji purchased it and smiled more sincerely when he handed him a covered basket with the turtle secured inside.

“We will release it in the pond when we return home,” he told him softly, mentally adding the bookseller to his list of places to go so they could find a book on turtles. 

They wandered toward the market, Wei Ying moving carefully so as not to jostle the turtle. The bookseller was first, and they perused the shelves together, quickly finding a suitable book. 

Wangji noticed Wei Ying’s eyes lingering on a book of poetry and pulled it from the shelf, curious. It was a collection of the poems of Ruan Ji and Ji Kang, two notable sages in a time of turbulent wars, and rumored lovers. He could see the blush on Wei Ying’s face, and felt his own ears heat as he recalled that one of the two had written homoerotic poetry; he wondered if this volume contained them. 

He bought both books, slipping them in his qiankun pouch. They could read them together. 

At the stall with scented oils for hair, Wei Ying seemed lost at the number of options, and looked to Wangji for help. 

“You can try smaller amounts of different ones until you find one you like,” Wangji said softly, “but this might fit you.”

He had the vendor mix a small sample of orange and cinnamon for Wei Ying to smell and was pleased to see the scents seemed to relax him. Wangji was happy to purchase it.

Wei Ying, he knew, often let his hair go, not taking care of it. He would take charge of it personally, he decided, perhaps enlisting Jiang Yanli’s help while they were courting, when it would be a bit inappropriate for him to do so.

Wangji noticed a stall of colorful candies and stopped to buy Wei Ying tanghulu. This seller, he knew, removed the hawthorn seeds and replaced them with red bean paste before glazing them with sugar.

He took a bite when Wei Ying offered, enjoying the sweet and tart mixtures, the crunch followed by the meatiness of the hawthorn and the soft cream of the bean paste. Wei Ying happily munched on the rest on the way to the next stall. 

Before they reach it, Wei Ying froze, the mostly-eaten tanghulu falling from his fingers to the ground. Wangji followed his gaze and found Jin Zixuan at a nearby stall, along with Madam Jin—who, he recalled, was the sworn sister of Madam Yu.

Wangji could hear Wei Ying’s breath, how it had started to speed up, and recognized he was in the beginning of a panic attack. He turned to face him, moving Wei Ying so he could still see her in his peripheral vision—he already knew she was there, and could panic worse if he couldn’t see her, but he tried to encourage him to focus on him. 

“I am here,” Wangji told him. “You are not alone.”

Wei Ying managed a nod, taking deep breaths and pressing one thumb to the opposite palm, something the mind healers had taught him to help him find calm.

Jin Zixuan approached, Madam Jin hanging back. He bowed and Wangji bowed back, noting that Wei Ying did the same, shaking slightly.

“Lan-er-gongzi, Wei-gongzi, we intended to visit Cloud Recesses. I didn’t realize you would be in Caiyi.”

He sounded apologetic, and Wangji knew he could see Wei Ying struggling. 

“Wei-gongzi, my mother has come to speak with you.”

A panicked noise, so soft Wangji was sure only he heard it, escaped Wei Ying, his breath stuttering again. His knuckles were white, his hand clenched around the basket handle. 

Madam Jin was looking at Wei Ying with an expression that bordered on pity, he realized.

“I apologize for your ill treatment at the hands of my former sworn sister, Wei Wuxian,” she said bluntly, bowing low to him. “And for the discomfort my presence has brought you.”

Confusion washed over Wei Ying’s face at her words, but he also seemed to focus, coming out of his panic.

“Former?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

Madam Jin nodded.

“I could not continue being her sworn sister after what she did to you, her own ward. It was inexcusable.”

Wei Ying looked lost, almost dizzy, and Wangji placed a hand on his upper arm in case he fell.

“Over something as small as talismans to change the color of the tea,” Jin Zixuan muttered.

Wangji felt Wei Ying tremble, the memory tied up in his near-death. He had stuck talismans to the undersides of each sect leader’s teapot, and the tea had come out in the sect’s main color—Jiang Fengmian’s, violet; Nie Mingjue’s, deep green; xiongzhang’s, a pale blue; Wen Ruohan’s, crimson; Jin Guangshan’s, golden. Even minor sect leaders’ teapots had transformed the color of their tea.

The talismans had changed nothing else about the tea, neither flavor nor quality, and had been well-received by the sect leaders when Wei Ying had explained the tea was safe.

“Just an extra treat for the discussion conference,” he had said with a respectful bow and a cheeky smile.

Madam Yu had ordered him out, stalking after him, and it had been the last time anyone had seen Wei Ying until Jiang Yanli found him so close to death.

“I revealed lax security, she said,” Wei Ying murmured, his voice hollow.

He was shaking more obviously now, and Wangji moved closer as he swayed. They had never spoken of the incident, and he had no idea how Wei Ying might react.

“That’s ridiculous!” Jin Zixuan muttered, the anger in his voice surprising. “Of course you had access as head disciple.”

His comment seemed to jolt Wei Ying out of what Wangji had feared might be the beginning of a fugue, and he started at the Jin heir blankly, like he hadn’t expected a defense from him.

Wangji approved of his anger, befitting one who would be Wei Ying’s brother in law. Madam Yu’s actions had clearly led to a change in Jin Zixuan for the better. He could remember, vaguely, the young man trying to comfort Jiang Yanli as she sobbed, telling her that her brother was strong, he would be okay. Wangji had been far more focused on Wei Ying, leaving him only to help the Jiang siblings pack his belongings and expedite their departure, and only in the care of xiongzhang.

“We are bringing up bad memories,” Madam Jin realized, her voice regretful. “I actually wish to commission you for your talisman work, Wei Wuxian.”

Wei Ying swallowed hard, clearly making an effort to stay present mentally. 

“What kind of talisman, Jin-furen?”

She offered him a gentle smile.

“I’d prefer not to discuss it in the street. Let me treat you to lunch, and we can get a private room and chat. With Lan Wangji and my son present, of course.”

Wangji realized she was trying to assure Wei Ying she did not wish him ill, would not seek to harm him, and perhaps was letting him know as well.

Wei Ying gave a jerky nod, glancing at him as though for reassurance. He decided to lead the way to the restaurant he had intended to take him to for lunch, a place known for spicy fare but with dishes that suited his own palate. It happened to have private dining rooms, which Wangji had intended for them anyway, so Wei Ying would have a break from people.

The move put the Jins behind them, he realized when Wei Ying clung to his arm, but the walk was blessedly short. Madam Jin was kind enough to lead the way up the stairs, clearly recognizing Wei Ying’s distress. He was thankful that she also allowed Wei Ying to decide where in the smaller room to sit, deferring to him in a way that most people of her station would not.

Though her kindness was not unselfish—she did, after all, want something—he appreciated it nonetheless. He led Wei Ying to a seat around the table, where he could see the door, a window nearby to facilitate escape if needed, both things that might make him feel more secure.

Wangji worried Wei Ying might eat little, a behavior that manifested when he was stressed, but he could do nothing to alleviate that.

“May we speak before we eat?” Madam Jin asked after settling across from them with her son. “If you decide against taking the commission, I will still purchase lunch. It is the least I can do given your willingness to speak with me.”

Wei Ying nodded again, grasping Wangji’s hand under the table. Wangji squeezed gently, trying to reassure him.

“As you may be aware, my husband has… dallied,” she began.

Jin Zixuan’s face turned a bit sour at this, and Wangji was reminded of Wei Ying’s question to him when he asked for permission to court Jiang Yanli.

“Given… recent events, I have decided it would be prudent to find the children resulting from his indiscretions.”

Wei Ying’s gaze sharpened a bit.

“For what purpose?” he asked softly.

Wangji squeezed his hand again, knowing his thoughts; Wei Ying would not wish to create anything that could result in deaths.

Madam Jin smiled, as though the question pleased her.

“To protect them. I will not legitimize them, but I want them and their mothers, who were perhaps lied to or coerced, or whose freedom needs to be bought from brothels, to be safe and cared for. The children should have the opportunity to learn to cultivate and have a relationship with my son as their half-brother, along with their other half-siblings.”

She sighed softly. 

“All involved are innocents, and I could stay bitter as I once was and wish them ill, but after… what was done to you, I don’t wish to be that person. The world could mistake that behavior as acceptable, as there have been few consequences. I want to offer an alternative.”

Wei Ying seemed to need to take several breaths, his hand tightening on Wangji’s for a moment, before he could nod. Wangji could see a suspicious sheen to his eyes, and realized Wei Ying was overcome by Madam Jin’s desire to make right somehow, to force something positive to result from what was done to him.

“One to find, and one to also test those who step forth with claims?” Wei Ying asked after he had calmed. 

Madam Jin let out a breath, looking relieved, almost as though she had been concerned Wei Ying would not be up to the task, perhaps still too traumatized. 

Not long ago, he would have been, Wangji had to admit. But he was getting better, and he had never stopped inventing new talismans. 

“Yes, that would also be useful,” she said. “Thank you.”

“There would likely be a limit on distance,” Wei Ying told her. “But I’d have to experiment with options and prototypes.”

Madam Jin set a large bag of gold in front of him, and Wei Ying’s eyes widened.

“This is a down payment. I understand it may take time, and there is no rush. I will reimburse you for any materials needed, if that becomes an issue.”

Wei Ying looked up at her, frowning slightly.

“I will need your husband’s blood,” he said. “Unless you want me to focus on the sibling aspect, and then I could use Jin Zixuan’s.”

Wangji realized this was Wei Ying’s way of asking if this was being done secretly, without Sect Leader Jin’s knowledge.

Madam Jin actually laughed softly. 

“Oh, you are bright,” she said, her voice full of delighted praise. “My husband is still claiming innocence, and is not willing to take part in this project. My son has kindly offered to help instead.”

Wangji tried not to be concerned about the implications that this could be against Sect Leader Jin’s wishes. Wei Ying was under the protection of Gusu Lan now, and he would defend him personally if need be.

Jin Zixuan pulled out a pouch and slid it gently across the table.

“Several vials of my blood. I can provide more if needed.”

Wei Ying looked momentarily shocked at the implied level of trust—the amount of blood needed to harm someone via a curse or hex was miniscule, after all—and attempted a smile. 

“I’ll try not to waste any.”

Jin Zixuan only nodded, and Wangji took the bag to slip into his qiankun pouch. Wei Ying handed him the pouch of money without looking at him, the exchange made less simple by the fact that Wei Ying didn’t let go of his hand under the table. Though his grip wasn’t tight, Wangji refused to break it, refused to let go when he needed him.

Madam Jin slid the door open to let the servers know they were ready for tea.

Wei Ying’s gaze had gone a bit glassy, though his eyes were moving as he thought, perhaps distracted by ideas for the talisman. Wangji resolved to ensure Wei Ying ordered and ate plenty, knowing he might need prompting. He knew they would return to Cloud Recesses following this, without a replacement for Wei Ying’s broken guan, and without additional gifts for the Jiang siblings. Wei Ying would need time to rest before meeting with shufu and xiongzhang, particularly after the strain he had just endured.

They would release the turtle in front of the jingshi together, and Wangji would play the guqin for him while he rested. Then, following the meeting, wherein Wei Ying’s status would be clarified, Wangji would seek permission from his siblings to court him.

He ran his thumb across the back of Wei Ying’s hand, and was relieved when the act was returned, when the glassiness left his eyes and he looked at him with a tired-looking smile.

------------

I didn’t really expect the turtle thing, but it happened kind of organically as I was bringing Caiyi to life. Wei Ying is going to name it Tang 汤, meaning ‘soup,’ because of course he is. This particular turtle is a species native to mountainous regions of southern China, the four-eyed turtle. And now I need to do more research on turtles because of course I do.

In addition to Wei Ying’s recovery, this fic is also in part about the cultivation world’s reaction to what Yu Ziyuan did, in that there are some consequences. Hence Madam Jin dissolving their sworn sisterhood and commissioning Wei Ying. Her decision to take in and ensure Jin Guangshan’s bastards and mistresses are cared for is partially out of spite for what her former sworn sister did, but is also the result of some soul-searching on her part. This is not Madam Jin assuming that Wei Ying is Jiang Fengmian’s secret bastard son, btw.

As I’ve noted in other MDZS fics I’m writing, I like to explore how a point of change can cascade to change other things, so I am back on my bullshit. Also, I think this makes the third fic where I’ve referenced Ruan Ji and Ji Kang. I just bought a book of their translated poetry that’s supposed to be delivered next week.

#my fanfiction #the untamed #untamed fanfiction #mo dao zu shi #untamed fanfic #mdzs #mdzs fanfic #mdzs fanfiction #chen qing ling #CQL #cql fanfic #cql fanfiction #wei ying #wei wuxian #lan zhan #lan wangji #jin zixuan #madam jin

[thethirdwheel404]

Med Rewatch Series (#5)

S3 e3: Trust Your Gut. From what I remember this is a big one. I just remember this episode title honestly but we’ll see what happens.

-look at that! ava’s just casually in this scene, minding her own business, doing her job! you would never guess that this is a character who would later have a psychotic break and commit suicide.

-that’s really the point i’m trying to make. I hate all those posts where they’re like ‘i hated ava before, but season 4 has finally shown her true colors’ like not even?? no??? we’re trying to prove that that was never even a thing. i want to eliminate the possibility of s4 happening from your minds. nothing from s3 should ever be used as foreshadowing. that’s what the rewrite is about, ava being a good character. ava was never going to commit suicide. she was never gonna go psychotic. that should be ingrained in everyone’s minds.

-anyways, back to the episode.

-connor takes everything like a personal attack. relax

- i never realized how fun stoll was. like obviously not in the story but as a character he’s hilarious. unattached by everyone else’s drama

-awww. this maggie interaction is amazing. tapping sarah on the shoulder (neck actually but whatever) just to say hi. adorable. and sarah is already super jumpy. come on. her anxiety is already setting in. they really gave sarah two huge storylines in the same season.

-maggie... no one else would ever slash sarah’s tires. i mean honestly

-WHY DOES CONNOR HAVE TO CONTROL OF EVERYTHING - honestly ava was just reading off the chart and he can’t even let her do that he has to take over just to say the same things.

-and the way ava just takes it with her smug smile

-she is such a strong character there is no reason she would have gone crazy over connor she literally needs nothing from him.he has not ever had anything that she needed. 

- SHE’S JUST ROLLING HER EYES, SMIRKING, AND SHAKING HER HEAD AT THIS INSECURE MAN ava I love you.

-okay there’s no way i can explain it but after rolling her eyes at connor Ava turns and looks at the patient and instantly her face changes and you can see such pure concern in her eyes?? s4 ava could never (can someone please rb with a picture of what i’m talking about? it’s uncanny and so so sincere.)

- she’s in control of her emotions. she cares so much for her patients so don’t even try to play that card. the only thing connor has done literally since she got here is get in her way.

-AND CONNOR LOOKS AT HER WITH SUCH DISTRUST AND CONTEMPT. TELL ME HOW. this is insane. exasperating.

-and the way she smiles and comforts the patient. i mean come on. she’s just so amazing. AND COMFORTING. if ava really was as heartless as people say, she wouldn’t take the effort to do that. connor didn’t even do that, he just scowls at ava.

-which just proves my point, ava is only ever mean to people who she thinks deserve it. and, the more that I think about it, she’s never really actually mean. sure, she’s blunt and rude, but never cutting. she’s nice to her patients (and I know what you’re going to say, it’s not because she has to be. she’s a doctor, she still wants to help people). but when her patients are dicks, she’s not nice to them. she’s as snarky with as she’s professionally allowed to be.

-like, take this guy. he seems nice enough. he’s funny, polite, comes across charming, so ava is nice and is polite back to him.

-let’s move on.

-why is connor always so suspicious of ava. come on. he’s the one who should be sus. she literally said ‘Don’t worry, Ray, we’ll take good care of you’ and he’s giving her this weird side eye.

-ethan and will being in this board meeting is really adorable to me. like, just, bros.

-oh godddd sarah please relax. sweetie. please.

-sarah fucking tranqed him oh my god

-oh my god noah asking people for help literally shut the fuck up

-straight people are gross. not to hate but how does anyone sit through manstead

-connor literally needs to chill. I know this bit (they’re arguing over menial things in surgery) plays more to them just picking on each other, pulling each other’s pigtails on the playground if you will (i didn’t like that analogy but I used it anyway), but if you look at it, ava was only trying to help connor (suggesting a wider possible target and an easier to handle stitch) and connor took it wayyy to personally. sure the second bit of advise is just poking at him, but she suggested a better spot on the base and he shut her down without any thought.

-and then latham points out that there is no point in arguing, to which ava defers, then connor snidely says ‘Thank you, Doctor, Now, how about from here on out we keep the background noise to a minimum’ and ava just shakes her head, scoffing.

-at this point ava just likes annoying connor because its fun. it’s entertaining. he gets so upset. everyone’s done that, just be annoying for fun (its bad to say but i mean come on everyones done it)

-another point, ava immediately deferring to latham might read to some as her being a suck up but that’s not what it is.

-ava really likes seeing how close to the line she can get. she goes right up to it, but she never crosses it. the same is true with her interactions with other people outside of surgery.

-I really like this story of the girl who passed out and hit her head, and her brother’s a wreck, and her parents obviously think the brother’s a disappointment. and it was finals week so of course she wasn’t taking care of herself. and the brother knew that, and you can tell he cares so much and feels so bad. it’s nice

-complication on the surgery they were working on. ava comes in with a solution (off of connor’s mistake during surgery after not following her advice) but I have a sneaking suspicion that by the end connor will be back on top

-the effort it took connor to say ‘it’s a good idea’ come on man just fucking let it go

-i’m glad we’ve all agreed that connor’s just a dick

-aw look at that she even held the door for him. connor would never

-i don’t want to overly push the ‘med is sexist’ thing but how is it that in a storyline between nat and ethan, characters who have never been romantically involved, they still pull the woman thinks one thing, man refuses to believe it and is right dynamic. i mean come on med seriously. what the fuck is wrong with you.

-the look of annoyance and disbelief on ava’s face that connor hadn’t actually messed up. comedic, but also i get your pain.

-glad that latham sides with ava, ava advocating for a riskier procedure so they could ensure the blockage is removed)

-(something could be said about ava’s high-risk, high-reward ideals. you could even draw the parallel to events in s4 and s5, even though I really don’t want to. it’s an interesting and notable character trait to say the least)

-YOOOO I FORGOT HOW METAL THE PSYCH STORY GETS

-dude straight up cuts his abdomen open and his intestines spill out

-the fear and shock and emotion on sarah’s face make me feel so bad for her

-WAIT IS THIS THE EPISODE WHERE SHE LOSES THE END OF THE INSTRUMENT? IS THAT WHAT THIS IS? i am not prepared to watch an ava bekker breakdown rn.

-the shock on ava’s face when connor said nice job.

-ava actually tried to apologize to connor. well, not apologize but she feels a little bit bad for just how abrasive she’s been to connor. (connor didn’t necessarily have to make it super competitive). Ava said “Look, I know i have the tendency to step on toes. it’s nothing personal”

-and now they’re not arguing and are this close to actually working like a team

-and i cannot believe connor’s big one-liner is ‘Murphy’s law’

-the emotion on april’s face when the girl’s parents won’t even let her brother grieve for her. I feel it. astounding. its so painful omg

-ava: “your optimism is enchanting.” when i was writing earlier I was worried I wasn’t being accurate with her dialogue and making it sound too overly formal but i guess I nailed it. also, this line reinforces how much I love her (so does every other line)

-connor just refusing to give ava anything, no credit, no nothing. doesn’t even give her credit for earning the surgery saying “you may have elbowed your way onto the case, but he is still my patient” (I JUST TRANSITIONED INTO A QUOTE SO SMOOTHLY WHY CANT I DO THAT IN MY LANG RHETORICAL ANALYSIS ESSAYS YOU’RE KIDDING)

-hey it’s joey!

- i can appreciate him so much more when he’s not chasing after reese

-do you remember their first meeting? bickering over who gets the last splenda? (real meet cute amirite)

-dr. charles remarking how all the scientific advances can’t beat human instinct, nice little tie in to the episode title

-ava just smiling while connor waits for her to apologize. she. takes. no. shit.

-i literally hate connor’s face so much. it fucking looks predatory like stop looking at her like that. it’s almost like you were planning her psychotic break

-ava’s cunning, saying ‘we’ instead of ‘i’ when talking about the decisions being made. she’s smart. she knows what to do. She knows how to present herself. (and yeah, a little hypocritical that she said to connor ‘when you fail, I will make sure that it is noted that it was your fault and not mine,’ but like I said, she just knows how to present herself)

-latham: “Dr. Bekker seems to enjoy this discordance.”

-rhodes’ face when changing his mind and saying ‘maybe I do’ when asked if he enjoyed it too - he literally makes the dumbest faces. please. stop. (is it a straight people thing?)

Alright. Another episode down. 17 to go. This was actually a pretty good episode all around. Ava took none of connor’s shit and you’d have to squint to find any sort of romantic subtext in their interactions, which is huge win in my book. reese’s storyline wasn’t too bad, she didn’t go through too much trauma, which, the bar for watching med is incredibly low i guess. This was a really good episode for ava. like I said before, very little romantic subtext, and she had a redeeming quality in the way she obviously cared for her patient at the beginning of the episode.

The main point is something I’ve been reiterating again and again. Ava cares about her patients. Ava is mean to connor because she knows someone needs to put him in his place, and she is glad that it is her.

All in all, this was a pretty good Ava episode. Very happy.

thanks for sticking with it.

-

read the rest here:

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

#chicago med #med rewatch series #mine #trust your gut

[assless-chapstick]

man I llove your couch au, and I'm so jealous of your couch au john. so many amazing boyfriends. they're all so different, and they're all amazing, and they all love him. but this got me thinking - what do arthur, charles and javier love about john, respectively? cause honestly, from everything you've written about him, john sounds like such a handful. like it just sounds like he'd be A LOT to deal/put up with, just an extremely stressful person. so what do they love about him?

Me, shuffling a giant stack of papers nervously, stress-smoking and sweating profusely: haha ha ha good question mister why do people like m- HIM HIM why do people like him! Haha why…

In all honesty, I’m answering this question because the couch au has almost become its own separate entity, with the boys being like OCs built of the scaffolding of the RDR characters I love… I plan on definitely repurposing them and their universe in the future as OCs, and like, as such, of course everyone has that one OC that is just a caricaturized version of themselves, or a sort of ideal, right? A character they project onto and use to work through their shirt n stuff…

So of course I love this question and I have a lot of answers!! Cuz I know while John doesn’t seem like the uhhh ideal partner or friend, he does have good qualities, and the boys do all love him in their own separate and unique ways. I think it’s just the snapshot I present of John is…. Not entirely flattering.

To start, I think if you called Arthur John’s boyfriend to his face, he’d laugh his ass off. They’re not dating, they’ve never dated, the idea of them dating is so ridiculous as to be unfathomable. They’re just friends, best friends, brothers not in blood but in bond, you know?

Like the love Arthur and John have for one another is platonic, but intense. They’re ride or die besties, have been since they met. They grew up together, and while they fight and disagree sometimes, they’re a part of one another in a way that can’t be explained; it’s just, if you know, you know. So of course, sharing everything else, sex is something they share, too. They’re friends, and sex is something they do together as friends, and they understand one another so deeply and implicitly that boundaries are almost never crossed.

If you asked Arthur why he loves John, he’d probably say that he loves John because he can’t imagine not loving him, you know? He just can’t imagine a world where John isn’t there when he wakes up, complaining about how Arthur snores and how they’re out of coffee now that John’s poured them both a mug. He can fathom not wrestling John for the last mozzarella stick even though they’ve got a whole other bag in the freezer, or going grocery shopping without John riding on the front of the shopping cart and narrating everything Arthur puts in the cart like it’s fucking Nascar or something.

When Arthur looks at John, he doesn’t just see a bratty twenty-something in ripped up jeans and a t-shirt that’s been carefully distressed to look like it when through a garburator; he sees a decade’s worth of inside jokes and adventures, arguments and apologies, shared secrets and honest advice. He sees the hurt little kid who just needs someone to sit and listen, and the young man who needs to be told to shut up to quiet the hateful shit in his heart.

Charles loves John because Arthur loves John. He’s not the kind of guy Charles would usually go for, and that’s part of it, too – the novelty of being with someone messy and loud and a little bit much at times. But in a way, loving Arthur is like… putting on 3D glasses. When he sees John through Arthur, he sees more than just some loud, brash, bratty sour patch kid; he sees the fullness of him, how someone like John could not only be tolerable, but loveable.

Charles likes John for his honesty, and his sincerity. If John doesn’t like something or want to do something, he’ll tell you. He’s not mean about it, but he’s not afraid to tell you you probably shouldn’t get bangs cuz your face is too round, or that he really enjoyed the movie you just said you hated. John is honest, and unafraid of asking for what he wants, and Charles finds that refreshing and comforting; sometimes it’s hard for him to navigate social situations because he’s anxious, and people don’t just say what they mean all the time. He doesn’t have to worry about that with John.

I think he also likes the fact that John doesn’t take a lot of shit too seriously. John’s been through a lot, and for the mess that he is, he’s pretty good to have around when you’re feeling low, cuz he doesn’t make a huge deal of things or want to solve it. Charles can get pretty deep in the paint with depression, and John never dotes on him or makes a big deal out of it or tries to fix it when it can’t be fixed, you know? Arthur is very much the kind to worry himself sick, but John won’t push and Charles appreciates that.

John'll just ask “wanna talk about it?” and Charles won’t answer cuz his words are all locked up and he doesn’t even wanna say no, the weight of sadness is so heavy on him, so John just shrugs and brings over a package of Oreos and starts like… licking the middles out and passing the cookies to Charles. It’s the grossest thing, but Charles eats them anyway because sometimes you just need a fucking cookie and to not talk about your shit and John gets that.

Javier loves John because loving John, having him the way Javier has him, is like having a secret. John is loud and rude and nasty and hard on the outside, but when Javi worms his way in, he finds the soft, sweet, vulnerable parts that nearly no one else knows.

They were acquaintances, friends-ish at first, and John was just a Cool Guy he knew; easy to talk to, always down for whatever, kind of a douche but in that way where he’s nice to you and you feel like you’re one of the Cool Kids because of it…

Like they’d be at parties together, before they knew one another well, and Javi could just flip down on the couch beside John and John would pass him a joint, super chill, lean over and show him some stupid meme that’s only funny when you’re high and hanging out with another dude.

And so when they start to date, it’s a lot like that. John isn’t super touchy-feely, it feels a lot like two dudes hanging out, until John starts to get comfortable and let his guard down and then Javi falls for him hard.

Loves the way John snorts when he laughs at something he thinks is really funny, how he’ll make really bad dad jokes and then laugh at his own stupid jokes. Loves the way John goes soft and coy and shy when Javi treats him like a girl and gets sweet on him, the way he blushes when Javier calls him corazón and flaquita. Loves John’s passion and tenacity and boisterous public persona, and how that melts away when they’re in private and he just gets to be with his John.

It’s hard to tell they’re dating, when they go out together, because they just seem like good friends – maybe there’s a little too much closeness, too much whispering and giggling and playful shoving and body shots – but when they’re alone together, that softer side of John comes out and Javi treasures that.

And John is sweet in private – does things like bring Javi his favourite take-out after a tough exam, or text him when he sees a poster for one of Javi’s favourite bands. Remembers things, and works hard to show he knows and cares and is listening, even if it doesn’t always seem like it.

Anyway feller, I hope that answered your question and you can understand just what makes all of John’s many, many, many, MANY flaws worth it to the ones who love him! He’s not perfect, but he’s for some good qualities. Thanks for asking, mister!

#the couch au #im not projecting YOURE projecting #its up to you to decide what is me and what is made up in this John #i hope it was concise and compelling #even in my own life i find it hard to describe why i love someone #i just know that i do #like ppl ask me abt this girl im talking to and what i like about her and im like UMM??? Nice??? #NICE??? #idefk im bad at words lol

[fanfic-scribbles]

Let’s Be Alone Together

Fandom: MCU Captain America/Avengers

Summary: You get two new neighbors and the three of you become something more.

Quick facts: Romance – Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes/Reader – Nondescript Reader

Warnings: Long [sob], fluff, swearing, timeskips, for a brief moment Reader is implied to not necessarily be straight, Reader is a sore loser

Words: 9940

Special Note: Written for @barnesrogersvstheworld “Shot Through the Heart” 3k Challenge for the dialogue prompt: “I’m having some problems right now and I’d really like to be alone.” // “Well, I’ll be alone with you.”

A/N: This fucking story is Exhibit A in why I wish I didn’t handwrite everything first, oy vey. First: I’m very sorry for the length. It just…happened. If you’re using the Tumblr app and it crashes half as much as mine does, I also have this story posted on AO3 under the username relic_amaranth. Also, because Tumblr likes to fuck up my formatting when it comes to line breaks, ~ is in place of those timeskips that aren’t too long (hours/days) and the solid lines are for time-jumps that are a week or more. Time is left purposefully vague to better suit the reader viewpoint. It is long for something without chapters, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Congrats again to @barnesrogersvstheworld for hitting 3k; their stuff is wonderful and their challenges are always good fun.

          You keep to yourself. You stay out of other peoples’ business. It’s respectful, you reason, and not just due to the fact that you’d rather be left alone. …Though that’s a factor. ‘Do unto others,’ ‘treat others,’ and all that jazz.

However you do get curious when, in the hall on the way to your unit at the end, you see moving boxes stacked next to your only neighbor’s door. And who wouldn’t be curious– whoever lives there has the power to make your life a living hell and it has been blissfully empty for over a month. Unfortunately a glance in the open door reveals no one and you can’t think of a good reason to linger, so you go to your own apartment. You’ll see them around eventually.

~

And you do. There are two of them– Steve and James. They’re a cute couple, quiet (thank goodness), and seemingly friendly. Seemingly, because you keep just missing them, and they, you. If you’re going out then they’re coming in, and vice versa. You only know their names because you overheard them introducing themselves to someone else. You doubt they even know yours. It doesn’t really matter– they seem nice and happy and they keep to themselves and you have no complaints. As far as neighbors go, they’re five-star quality.

It’s funny, though, because after a while it becomes obvious that they’re actively trying to meet you properly (well, Steve is,) but keep getting thwarted by circumstance.

Like one time when you’re getting your mail, Steve is down there getting his, but just as he opens his mouth to talk to you, someone else greets him and then starts chatting him up. You wait politely for a handful of seconds before you realize no tool short of a crowbar is going to pull that little old lady off of him, and you slip away as Steve shoots you an apologetic smile.

At another point you pass by James in the hallway. He’s in PJ pants, a hoodie, and gloves, and hesitates with his door already open. You’re not in any real hurry so you pause. He only gets to inhale when his phone starts ringing. Loudly. He huffs in annoyance. You give him a little wave, he nods, and you both go about your business.

The next time you see them you’re on your cell and rushing out of your apartment due to a work emergency.

The time after that you’re coming home and they're speeding out– walking, but doing it so intently it looks like they’re barely keeping themselves from sprinting. That proves true when they hit the stairwell and you hear them race down the stairs as they start to beat feet.

It’s okay. Introducing yourself to your neighbors is always hit-or-miss anyways– some people do and some people don’t and you don’t mind either way. So as far as you care, it’s a wash.

Your new neighbors are stubborn, though. One night you come home late, drained by an early start and too much overtime after, and it’s all you can do to drop yourself onto the couch. Just as you’re ready to pass out, someone knocks. And knocks again.

You groan. “Sorry whoever you are,” you mumble. “But I am not getting up.”

Miraculously, the knocking stops and you leave consciousness shortly thereafter. It’s only when you wake up the next morning that you suddenly realize nobody buzzed, which means it was somebody who was already in the building, which means it was likely your next-door neighbor, who probably waited until you got home, and who probably thought that you had actively ignored him.

Shit. You rub the bridge of your nose and force yourself up. Before you shower or change your clothes or otherwise do anything, you sit down and write out a short apology note, because while you don’t care to make friends, you don’t want them to think you’re a total dick. You go to leave it at their door, only to be brought up short at your own.

Sitting on the ground is a little gift package from a local coffee shop, filled with different types of coffee and a mug with their logo on it. You pick up the cellophane-wrapped basket and flip open the small card on the front.

‘Sorry we keep missing you! Hopefully we’ll meet someday. For now, accept these with our tentative apologies. We’re both night owls but we do our best. Until we meet for real, Your new neighbors.’

You smile at the words, a cartoon happy face, and the two different signatures. You could have sworn it was the new neighbors who were supposed to get gifts. And, actually– that’s not a bad idea.

It is incredibly early in the morning, but you know that shop is open. You slip on something more comfortable than your wrinkled work clothes, make a quick dash out, and you return with breakfast for yourself and a small basket of assorted treats for your neighbors. On the tiny card that came with it you write ‘Welcome to the neighborhood!’, place your apology note right behind it, and go home to give yourself a nice morning.

You don’t actually meet one of them for at least another week.

A shitty day has been topped off by an even shittier date and all you want is to crawl into bed and ignore the headache that is slowly but strongly coming on. This plan is currently being thwarted by your inability to find your keys– and in your haste to get at them, your bag containing your leftovers topples to the ground. And that just fucking figures. You lean your back against the wall and as the encroaching pain suddenly barrels in, you sink down to sit and pull your knees up for a place to rest your head.

You don’t even get a full minute of peace before the neighbors’ door opens, and flicking your eyes over reveals the hem of blue pajama pants and bare feet pointed in your direction. Is this seriously how this is going to happen?

“Are you all right?”

Yep. Fucking great.

“No offense, but–” You rub your temples. “I’m having some problems right now and I’d really like to be alone.”

He’s quiet. But then he sits down next to you. “Well, I’ll be alone with you.”

The only reason you don’t glare at him is because it would hurt. He fidgets. “If you just don’t want to see a doctor, I know some basic first aid.”

First aid? What is he–

You laugh. Your head is pounding but he’s so sincerely sweet you can’t help but be amused. “Thanks, but it’s– I’m not hurt.” You wave your hand flippantly, because that’s all this warrants, really, no matter how dramatic you want to be. “Bad day and bad headache and bad circumstances. Thanks, but I’ll be okay.”

He seems to relax on that front, but he doesn’t leave. In fact, he clears his throat. “I’m Steve Rogers. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

You tell him your name and stick your hand in his general direction. His grip is gentle. “I’ve heard you introduce yourself to other people so I kind of already knew your name,” you admit. “Your boyfriend’s name is James, right?”

He’s silent and you look up. He’s frowning. Your stomach drops. “Shit; are you not out?” On one hand, it’s hard to ‘no homo’ a mouth-on-mouth kiss that happened right by the elevators. On the other hand, this is a very quiet floor and that was an odd hour. Maybe they just–

“No, no, we are, it’s just–” Steve clears his throat. “We weren’t. For a long time. So it’s still new and…nice when someone else says it.”

“Oh.” You smile. “I get that.”

He looks curious but your head resonates with a jolt of pain and you grimace. He chuckles. “Right, you have a headache. Um…” A jingling sound simultaneously delights and hurts you. He holds up your keys. “These might help.”

“No doubt.” You take the keys and allow him to help you up. In the time it takes you to unlock the door, he’s gathered up all the other stuff you dropped, including the bag of Styrofoam and food.

“Sorry, but I don’t think your leftovers made it,” Steve says and hands it to you.

“It’s okay. It wasn’t that good anyway.” You take your things. “Thanks. Goodnight.”

“Take some aspirin.”

“Sure, mom,” you say and roll your eyes. You cringe– even that hurts.

“Serves you right,” Steve says. Smug bastard. You flip him off and shut the door on his laughter.

You’re both friendly, but go back to passing each other at odd and inconvenient times. However you always give a smile or a wave or a nod, and Steve and James return the gestures in kind.

One day, though, you’re coming down the hall and you see someone sitting on the floor near your apartment. Or Steve’s. You can’t tell yet.

As you get closer, you recognize James, sitting in the space between your doors and so curled up he looks impossibly small for such an ordinarily large guy. He looks up as you approach and grunts a low greeting.

“Hey. Is everything okay?” you ask and glance at the door. Are they fighting?

“I forgot my key.”

The way he mumbles it makes it sound like he’s pouting and you clamp down on a laugh too late– it sounds like a snort. He looks at you and yes, he is pouting.

“Sorry, sorry.” You clear your throat. “One of the girls is still at the front desk.”

He shakes his head. “I’m just gonna wait for Steve. Thanks.”

He goes back to…brooding. Or staring at the wall until it moves. Or watching an intense movie in his mind. Or counting particles in the air with utmost focus. Whatever it is, he’s so into it that your obvious hesitation goes ignored.

You shuffle into your apartment and move slow. You don’t know why– the hallway is utterly benign. So harmless that even you were recently content to sit out there just because you didn’t want to deal with anything. But now you’re realizing why Steve stopped for you– it’s kind of sad.

You take a look around the living room for any ideas. Your eyes catch on a pack of cards just hanging out on a shelf. Perfect. You grab it, wipe the dust off on your pants, and go back into the hallway.

James is staring at the floor now and he doesn’t look up, not even when you sit in front of him. He does lift his head when you start dealing, though he doesn’t say anything. Not until after you settle down, pick up your hand, and ask him, “Got any fives?”

James sits and just blinks. You think you see a hint of a smile, but if it’s there then it’s gone just as fast. However he does pick up his hand and looks it over. “…Go fish.”

The game goes on and you’re almost at the end of it when Steve finally shows up. Apparently James hadn’t called him, given the absolute confusion in his voice when he says, “Bucky?” (Which– Bucky?)

“Shh,” James says and waves him off.

You scan your hand. You’re close but James is closer (because he’s a fucking cheater), and you can only take a wild stab in the dark. “Got any twos?”

James grins. “Go fish.”

You swear up and down James’s rotten lineage as you pull another card. A four. If that rat bastard–

“Got any fours?”

You throw the card at his face. He laughs and puts down his hand– two fucking fours, of course– and you aim your scowl at Steve because James has been utterly immune. From the way Steve’s smiling, he is too. “Your boyfriend is a fucking cheat.”

“Who do you think I learned it from?” James chuckles. He finishes putting the cards away, and stands and extends his hand to you. You take it. Begrudgingly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Steve says and looks away.

“Both of you need to leave; this building has no room for people who cheat at cards,” you say.

James snorts. “But it has room for a feared international assassin?”

You’re not sure if the hyperbole is based on something (Steve is incredibly popular and probably gets a lot of good gossip) but you feign serious consideration for the question nonetheless. “Still a better person than a cheater.”

James blinks. Steve hurries to grab him and tells you “Good night!” before all but dragging his boyfriend into their apartment.

An hour later, you’re just about settled in when someone knocks. You sigh but get up to see who and what and why. You’re not terribly surprised to see James, but you do give Steve an extra look over. He’s staring at the floor, head hunched in between his shoulders.

“Steve was telling me that you don’t know who we are,” James says.

“Should I?” you ask.

James nods and– almost monotonously– tells you about Steve being Steve Rogers as in Captain America and he himself being James Barnes as in Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes who was thought dead in World War II but captured by–

You know the story. Vaguely, but only people who live under rocks could have entirely missed the story of an American hero turned brainwashed assassin that played ad nauseum for months, and while you may not have recognized them, you know the basics. It’s a very sad story, and though James tries to tell it as blandly as possible, he can’t lift his head to look at you. By contrast, you can feel Steve staring at you.

At the end of it James goes silent and awaits your judgment. Sure, it’s surprising you live next to Captain America and Sergeant Barnes, but you’re not sure why James looks like he’s waiting for you to drop the guillotine.

“I hope you don’t think this gets you out of a rematch,” you say. James’s head snaps up and Steve lets out a startled little laugh. You stay focused on the man right in front of you though, as he slowly relaxes. You shake your head. “No mercy. Not even for grandpas.”

Steve laughs harder and James hangs his head again, but this time while pinching the bridge of his nose. “Jesus Christ.”

“But yeah, it is good to know.” You flash them two thumbs up. “Nobody’s gonna, uh, try to wreck your apartment, are they?”

“No.” James quirks a smile. “Trust me; it’s more trouble than it’s worth.”

You’re not sure how that would stop idiots from trying, but James’s smile is just on the edge of ‘terrifying,’ so you decide to trust him. “Okay.” You can’t think of anything else to say and turn to go back in. “Um…good night Steve, good night James.”

“Bucky.”

You stop and look at James. He’s scratching the back of his head. “If you don’t mind. James is for strangers. Bucky is for people I…know.”

“Okay. Night Steve, night Bucky,” you say and go back inside.

Steve and Bucky turn out to be pretty good neighbors. Steve is the kind of guy who always says hi, and only nods if he has no other (polite) choice. Bucky is quieter, and only ever nods at you. Well, mostly.

“Wait–” Bucky practically dives to catch your bag of groceries just as the handle breaks and it falls towards the ground. He catches it, but his knees hit hard enough that you wince.

“Oh– jeeze; Bucky!” you scold before you can help yourself. “Be careful; you’re going to hurt yourself if you do that!”

He stares at you. Right– active duty superhero. However.

“Thank you,” you say as he hands the bag to you. “But I don’t want to be the reason your knees give out.”

Bucky starts to roll his eyes and abruptly stops, like he suddenly remembers he’s trying to be polite. “Don’t worry about me. I’m tougher than I look.”

You shrug, though you catch that there’s more to it than that. It seems rude to ask though, especially since he and Steve are public figures and it’s your own fault you don’t know much past the basics. Is he as enhanced as Steve? You haven’t really considered that. If he’s exactly like Steve then yeah, it’s probably silly to worry about his knees. Still, that had sounded like it would hurt.

You figure you should probably do some research anyways; so you bid Bucky goodbye and go inside to put your stuff away and do some quick fact-checking online to give yourself some baseline understanding. So you don’t embarrass yourself again.

Your plan goes off the rails within the first ten minutes, and within the following twenty you can no longer take reading all the various think-pieces so you spend the rest of the evening letting out your frustration by writing angry letters you will never send. They range from general (“[…] like SOME people who don’t understand the meaning of TORTURED and BRAINWASHED […]”) to more specific (“Dear Daily Bugle, How the FUCK are you still in business you trash rag I wouldn’t use you to light a fire if I was freezing to death […]”).

You groan and rub your face after what feels like hours. Actually, it has been hours; it’s obviously late and you forgot about dinner, so you decide you should probably eat now that the rage isn’t feeding you anymore.

You’re just stepping out of your apartment when Steve comes out of his at the same time. It’s a little late to get the mail, but you can’t imagine why else he’d be out in loungewear.

“Hey,” you say as you lock your door.

“Hi,” Steve says. “You’re out late.”

“Yeah. I got distracted doing…stuff.” You turn to face him. “I’m just going to grab some food.”

“Good. That’s…good,” Steve says. He doesn’t leave. He stands there. Facing you.

“Do you need something?” you ask.

“Not exactly. I have to tell you that…” Steve shifts. “The walls are kind of thin, and Bucky and I have really good hearing, and, well…”

But he stops at that, and you cannot fathom what he’s getting at that makes him look like he wants to leap out of a window. “Okay, uh…was I making a lot of noise or–” Suddenly you remember all your angry muttering just minutes ago, next to the wall you share. “Oh. GOD.” You hide your face in your hands. “Oh god. Does Bucky like flowers? I need an apology bouquet; god, I am so sorry.”

“It’s okay; I’m sorry we could overhear– we have a friend coming to fix that as soon as he can– but Bucky, he uh…” Steve takes a moment. “He thinks you were cursing at him.”

That makes no sense. To the point where you stop panicking so you can deconstruct that idea.

Nope. Still doesn’t make sense.

You lift your head and look at Steve. “Why would I be mad at Bucky for all the shit he has to wade through? I’m mad at the fucking blog writers and so-called “journalists” and commenters who are the absolute worst.”

Steve loses at least an inch of height when he exhales. “I told Bucky you weren't mad at him.” Steve looks at his apartment. “I told you.”

The door is wide open and Bucky is leaning on one side of the frame, arms crossed, and eyes entirely fixed on you. “Yeah,” you say, once again realizing he probably listened to everything. “Not you; I was bitching about the people who have all the brain power of a worm.” You reconsider that, because really, what have worms ever done to you? “Never mind; that’s mean to worms.”

Bucky’s laugh is harsh and startled, and then he’s silent. You clear your throat. “Since it’s already awkward…do you like hugs?”

Bucky’s scrunched face says ‘no,’ but what comes out of his mouth is, “It’s complicated.”

Enough said. “That’s okay; then…air hug.” You open your arms wide and mimic a hug. A hug for a giant, but Bucky smiles so you guess the sentiment gets through.

“What if I said I didn’t like air hugs?” he says.

“Then it would have gone to Steve and become an air chokehold.” You jerk your thumb at Steve. “He could have come and knocked and told me, but no, he had to let me embarrass myself. Jerk.”

Both of them laugh and then look surprised about it. You roll your eyes– what is with them that they’re so shocked to find themselves laughing? Bucky never looks like that when Steve makes him smile, so it’s not like amusement is a completely foreign concept. Before you’re tempted to ask, though, your stomach interrupts with a timely growl. “Right. You two have a nice night; I’m going to stuff myself until I’m in too much pain to even know what embarrassment is.”

“I could pay for your dinner. To apologize,” Steve says.

“Nah, I’m good,” you say, wave, and get on your way. It’s much better to keep a grudge in this case– this way you can keep teasing them about it, and maybe someday you’ll make them laugh and they won’t be surprised by it.

~

The next day you’re out and about when you pass by a small flower shop and, well, why not? Flowers are nice and soft and you’re pretty sure Bucky isn’t sensitive to smell since that time someone stunk up the hallway with rotten seafood and he was the only one unaffected.

You walk right up to the counter and exchange greetings with the person behind it. “I’m looking for an apology bouquet. Something nice and classic; the guy I’m giving it to is…” You have no idea how to explain this situation and no desire to know what this person thinks of Bucky, so you end up finishing with, “Old. Very old.”

The florist smiles and nods, obviously well-versed in people who have absolutely no idea what they’re doing when it comes to flowers. After he shows you a few arrangements and you’re deciding between them, he tries to make small talk. “Is this for a grandparent?”

“Neighbor,” you say, not looking away from the two bunches you’re stuck on. “I was…accidentally inconsiderate, and he’s a nice guy, so I want to apologize.”

“I wish my neighbors would do that,” he says and sighs so forlornly you smile.

“Don’t we all,” you say, thinking back to past living arrangements. Steve and Bucky are quiet and kind. You hope they stay.

However when you have your pick and are up at the front paying for it (while also trying to ignore the price), the florist rifles behind the counter and comes out with temptation too great to resist. “This comes with a complimentary card. This is the normal one, but you mentioned your neighbor was older, so would this be better?”

There is the one small card that looks like it would fit the flowers fine. Next to it is an identical card except five times bigger and with a font that is easier to read.

You do your best not to smile like the sharks from “Finding Nemo” and tap on the bigger card. “This is perfect, thank you,” you say while you try to tell yourself, ‘fish are friends, not food; fish are friends, not food; fish are friends, not food; fish…friends…food…’

You get sushi for lunch and go home with a spring in your step. When you get there, Bucky and Steve’s door is open, and stuff of the technological sort is piled around just outside it. You can barely hear them talking from somewhere inside, and you place the flower vase just outside their door. Hopefully they see it before they step on it.

You’re in the middle of cleaning the kitchen when you hear loud laughter in the hall. You ignore it at first but it keeps going…and going…and you hear Steve laugh in a relatively short burst. You slowly stop, and then go to your room and stand by your desk.

“Bucky, if you can hear me and you’re okay with texting…” You hesitate, but give him your number. You barely get the chance to feel like an idiot when your phone suddenly buzzes. You jump, because that was fast, and pull it off the charger to see a text from an unfamiliar number that reads ‘???’.

You: Who’s the hyena? Bucky: lol Bucky: stark Bucky: by the way did i use lol right? Bucky: im pretty old, so i dont know

You laugh but glance at the door. Bucky and Steve are sort of in the public eye, but just out of it enough that you didn’t recognize them right away. Tony Stark, though, is a living spectacle– you’re shocked the guy can go anywhere without a bunch of reporters getting underfoot. You are incredibly curious to see him in the flesh after years of tabloids and news reports and– you’re just curious okay? But you’ve also reached your limit of ‘awkward’ for the day and without an actual reason to stick your head out, you’d just be assuring yourself embarrassment, so you shrug it off.

However when someone knocks and takes that choice away from you, all that previous curiosity flees and leaves you with only, “Ugh.”

Your phone buzzes.

Bucky: serves you right You: I’m taking back that air hug You: You’re both jerks

But you go and answer the door. Tony Stark with a bright, genuine smile looks so different from what you’ve seen before that you actually do a double-take. Steve is hovering behind him and smiles apologetically. You clear your throat. “Um…hi?”

“Hi, I’m Tony Stark and you are my new favorite person,” he says and shakes your hand like he’s on something.

“Don’t worry; he gets a new one every five minutes,” Steve says, unconcerned with his twitchy friend.

“Oh good. Being someone’s favorite person seems like a lot of pressure,” you say.

Tony then proceeds to talk, which is exhausting for you but somehow not so for him. When you find out he hasn’t slept in three days it makes more sense as to why he seems only slightly tweaked rather than full tilt. Eventually Steve manages to gently maneuver Tony back to what he was doing and you escape back into your home after a polite but very quickly given goodbye.

Steve comes by later to apologize for Tony and you all test out the soundproofing tech. They say it works great, which is a relief, and you assume that now the excitement has gone down, things will go back to a friendly-but-distant normal.

Except that they don’t get distant. In fact, even Bucky greets you with a word or few more often than not, and Steve…well, it’s hard to say since he’s always been nice, but you think he’s more genuine with you. And after a couple of weeks of observation you can say that for certain– Steve is always, always kind but he definitely has a face for strangers and a face for friends.

You almost drop your key when you realize that’s what you are– friends. New friends, but…

“Are you okay?”

You turn your head to see Steve leaning against the wall. “Hey. When did you get back?”

“Late last night.” Steve stands upright. “I was thinking…I never made it up to you for not telling you sooner about the walls, so I wanted to see if you would come to dinner with me and Bucky. You pick, I treat. It could double as a birthday dinner.”

You open your mouth to politely decline when you realize something. “When did I…I didn’t tell you when my birthday was.”

Steve looks down. “No. Uh…no. You didn’t.”

You take a deep breath. “So how do you know it’s today?”

Steve finds the floor very fascinating. “A friend of mine ran a background check. I’m so sorry; I didn’t tell her to but she, uh, she sort of does what she wants.”

“When did you find out about the background check?”

“Just this morning.” Steve lifts his head and flashes you a boyish smile and oof. “When she told me to wish you a happy birthday.”

You deflate but the irritation stays. Even though you logically know it’s not Steve’s fault. “Okay,” you say. “I will absolutely let you pay for me to eat my feelings.”

Steve smiles brightly. “Great! When and where?”

“Anytime after I change my clothes, and I’m thinking that burger place just down the block. I forget the name; by the stationery store.”

“The new place?”

You nod. “It smells good but it’s trendy as fuck and I wasn’t sure I wanted to pay for it. Enter: you.”

He laughs. “Okay then; I’ll talk to Bucky and find out if he’s up to it.”

“I could eat.”

You jump but Bucky just stands there, smirking, and Steve laughs. You put your hand to your chest. “I can’t believe you’re treating me like this on my birthday.”

“You weren't going to tell us it was your birthday,” Bucky accuses, which takes you back a bit, because were you supposed to?

“Well, no, but now that it’s out I’m going to take full advantage,” you say. “Gimme a few to change out of my work clothes and I’ll be ready. You just…hang out or powder your noses or something.”

“Bossy,” Bucky says.

“It’s my birthday,” you say imperiously and slip into your apartment while they laugh.

You’re fast becoming fond of the sound.

~

Dinner is great and Steve insists on stopping to get a cake, which you all take back to their apartment to eat. Bucky pulls out a pack of cards and you play “Go Fish” which…you lose. Then you play “Gin Rummy” which…you also lose. “Hearts,” unsurprisingly, you lose, and out of desperation you scan their shelf of board games for something you might have a chance at. “Risk” immediately gets the mental axe, but “Jenga” holds promise.

Except in the end you lose that too, and when the structure crumbles (close, you were so fucking close) so too does your simmering irritation and you let out a long string of curses before you can even think to control your mouth.

“Wow,” Steve says, audibly impressed. “I haven’t heard something that profane since the army.”

“Thank you,” you say in your kindest voice. “Also– go fuck yourselves.”

They both laugh and you smile because they really feel like your friends now. Asshole friends but, well, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

~

One day when Bucky is on his own, again without his key, you invite him in and try to regain some of your lost honor.

That’s a mistake.

You: I’m kicking Bucky out You: You can collect him on the curb You: Just make sure you get here before the garbage trucks do Steve: Aw Steve: Whatd he win at this time? You: Scrabble You: You photographic memory fucks Bucky: you are the sorest damn loser i ever met in my life You: EXCUSE YOU You: YOU ARE NOT INVITED You: TO THIS CONVERSATION You: BEGONE Bucky: 9 points

You put in the tableflip emoji and resist the urge to throw your phone at Bucky’s laughing face.

~

You all agree to never again speak of “Ticket to Ride.”

That agreement goes double for “Battlestar Galactica.” However you’re secretly pleased that Steve is apparently a better liar than even Bucky knows. Bucky isn’t so happy but that fucker cheats at “Hearts.” His opinions are null and void.

“Hi, can I help y–”

You turn from locking your door to see who Steve is talking to, but he’s looking at you and his jaw drops. Even Bucky’s eyes go wide, and you roll your own.

“Yeah, yeah; laugh it up,” you mutter and straighten your outfit. Black tie events aren’t really your forte, but work is paying for drinks and food so you figured why the hell not.

“You look great,” Bucky blurts out.

“Oh…thanks,” you say, caught off guard by his effusive sincerity. They’re both staring at you though and they’re both unreadable in this moment. You clear your throat. “Hey, since you’re here…” You hold out your arms and do a slow turn. When you return to face them you let your arms flop back down. “Do I look okay?”

“Amazing,” Steve says. “Where are you off to?”

“Company party.” You shrug. “It’s not normally my scene but I’m not gonna turn down free food and an open bar.”

“Good thinking.” Steve smiles. “Your date is real lucky.”

You grimace before you can catch it, and Steve’s smile falls. Damn it; now you’re really looking forward to that open bar. “No date, which is nice because I can duck out whenever I want.”

Steve nods rapidly and as you see Bucky hover behind him you try to diffuse the situation with a joke. “Not all of us can be so lucky.”

Either you sound more bitter than you think or Steve just can’t make the distinction right now. Regardless– it backfires. He runs his hand through his hair and looks down and does all but shrink before your very eyes. “I’m so sorry, I–”

“Hey.” You put your hand on his arm and give him a moment to shrug it off. He doesn’t, and when he looks at you you try to give him your very best smile. “I was trying to make a joke. It was probably really bad. I’m sorry.”

“Well…” He frowns but at least he’s not about to roll himself up in the carpet anymore. “I’m still sorry.”

“I’m going to choose to believe you’re apologizing for being stubborn,” you say.

“How dare you.” Steve smiles. “I would never apologize for that.”

He still comes off as tightly wound, so you open your arms. “Hug it out? Just…watch the outfit.”

He chuckles but moves in without hesitation. It’s a good hug; warm, softer than it should be, and yet surprisingly strong. You’re not going to complain though– Bucky truly is a lucky guy. You step back from Steve and are going to tell Bucky so, but you find his arms open.

“I wasn’t a stubborn jerk,” he says slyly. “Do I get a hug?”

You feel a smile take over your face and you move towards him slowly. His hug is different, but just as good– still warm, a little more stiff; straddling the line between tight and loose, like he wants to hold on but he’s afraid. You squeeze once and then let go. They’re both very lucky. This time, though, you take a moment and decide not to say that out loud. You’re sure they already know it anyway.

“Well, I’ll let you guys get to your nice relaxing night in.”  You smooth out your front. “I’m going to drink some booze on the company dime.”

“Be safe,” Steve says. “Call us if you have any trouble.”

You salute him and get on your way.

“There you are.”

You jolt upright, trying to pull yourself out of your dozing. It’s still cold and you’re still stuck outside with everyone else while the firefighters do their inspection. You know it’s a big building and they’re doing their job and all that. You just wish they could do it a little faster.

“Hey,” you say to Steve and Bucky while they do an inspection of their own. Well not everyone can look so fabulous in the midst of a fire alarm. “You didn’t let Steve near the oven, did you?”

“Very funny,” Steve says. “That was one time. And I’ve never set off the building.”

“Hm,” you say suspiciously but leave him be. The cold isn’t terrible but it is uncomfortably distracting.

“Geeze, you gotta be freezing,” Bucky says and shrugs the blanket off his shoulders.

“It’s okay, I’m fi-” Bucky dumps the blanket over your head like you’re an unsightly lamp he’s trying to hide. “Dick.”

“Sorry, what was that?” Bucky teases and Steve laughs.

“Mmf.” You could take the blanket off…but it seems like so much work. Either Bucky or Steve ends up pulling it off your head and draping it over your shoulders. You’re not sure who– it takes too much effort to open your eyes again. “Thanks.”

“It’s a little early to be pulled out of a dead sleep,” Steve says. “Either you’re sick or you’re older than us.”

“Hardy ha–” You yawn. “Har.” You clear your throat and blink yourself awake. “Or I’ve been doing overtime all week and finally got a chance to crash.” When the fire alarm had gone off you had almost cried. You had most certainly debated the merits of suffocation and/or burning to death, before you crawled out of bed and stumbled down flights of stairs with everyone else.

“Hopefully we’ll go back in soon,” Steve says. “Here, stand between us; we run pretty warm.”

You’re about to protest that the blanket is more than enough and you’re not going to put them out even further but then Bucky and Steve move to stand on either side of you and the warmth melts your tongue. It’s nice; it’s so damn nice. It isn’t like they’re portable space heaters, they’re just… More than just warm, you feel safe, you feel good. You shut your eyes and soak it in.

“Hey.”

You jolt again and lift your head from where you had rested it– on Steve’s arm. And notice that most everyone is inside.

You panic and throw the blanket at Bucky while you try to put at least a foot between you and Steve. “I am so sorry!”

“It’s all right!” Steve says, laughing, while Bucky uncovers himself. You back away, not sure why you’re so embarrassed, but feeling an innate need to extricate yourself right now.

“Well, um, thanks for the blanket, but I love my bed way more than I love you,” you say. They laugh and you run inside.

Only to come to a sudden stop. The line for the few elevators is ridiculous and the lobby is a cacophony of talking, complaining, laughing adults and babbling and crying children.

You eye the elevators and you eye the stairwell door. Begrudgingly, you go to the stairs and slip inside. Apparently everyone who was willing to walk up has already done so, because it’s completely quiet and that is a massive improvement in and of itself. Technically you’re awake enough, so you resign yourself to a long, slow climb and start on your way.

It only takes you until the second floor to regret your choice, the third floor to regret your life, and the fourth floor to take a break. You’re leaning on the railing and considering just living here now when the first floor door opens and you can see Bucky and Steve come in. They wave at you and you wave back, and they turn to each other to talk. After a few seconds they start arguing about something. Then they start goofing off, shoving at and dodging each other even as they run up the stairs with ease.

They also get so loud. “Can not!” and “Can too!” bounce off the walls as they get closer to where you are.

“Do you mind?” you ask and turn to rest your back on the rail. “Some of us are trying to die in peace.”

“Sorry, but this guy–” Bucky jerks his thumb at his boyfriend, “–thinks he can beat me up the stairs.”

Steve shrugs. “Sorry Buck; it’s science.”

“You little– you don’t know shit about science.” Bucky huffs. “I could beat you handily.”

“Oh yeah?”

They argue and you zone out. Until you hear your name. “What?”

“I told Steve I could beat him there with you on my back.” Bucky’s full-on grinning. “How about it?”

You squint at how far you’ve come. At how far you have to go. And then at Bucky. “You promise to win?”

“Absolutely.”

It seems like a dumb idea– until you’re on Bucky’s back. Then you feel warm and safe again, and once the race starts the jostling is only just enough to keep you holding on.

“We’re here.”

Bucky’s voice is gentle but you grumble at having to stand on your own power again. “Did you win?”

“By a mile,” Bucky chuckles as you fumble with the lock.

“Because he cheated,” Steve says.

“Now who’s a sore loser?” But you smile at them. “Thanks.”

“Anytime,” Bucky says.

“Good night. Go get your beauty sleep,” Steve says. “Not that you need it.”

“We need to play poker. If that’s how you lie I might have a shot.”

You go inside as Steve acts offended and Bucky laughs. Bed calls and you slip into cool sheets, recalling warm bodies and blankets protecting you from the full chill of the air. Even now in the one place you feel safest in the world, it feels like you lack something. Your eyes snap open when you realize.

You don’t love your bed more than you love them.

Shit.

~

The next morning, when you run into Steve and he looks worried and asks if you got any sleep, you force a smile and tell him you’re fine. He responds with a hug.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

It has been a long few weeks. Directly after the fire alarm you were too busy to see much of Steve and Bucky and it was a relief. Until they got called out and within a few days you began to worry like you haven’t worried before. Nothing in the news has had anything about the Avengers so they’re either off the planet with Thor (talk about sentences you never thought would cross your mind) or they’re underground. And with every day they’re gone you grow afraid a group of suits are going to randomly show up, take everything out of their apartment, and the next thing you’ll see will be a shitty news headline like “NATION IN MOURNING.”

So when you turn down your hall and see someone standing by their door, your heart leaps and you stumble. It’s just one woman though, in casual clothes, with red hair and, as you approach, a familiar face. She relaxes against the wall between your apartment and theirs and where you feel wary, her expression is impassive.

“Hello,” she says.

“Hi.” You nod at their side. “Are you waiting for…”

She shrugs and pushes off the wall to face you. “You know, I don’t think we’ve met.” She puts her hand out. “Natasha Romanoff.”

You shake her hand and introduce yourself even as you stare at her. She’s very, very familiar. After a few seconds you remember, vividly, seeing her and Bucky talk and laugh as she had left their apartment one day.

“Background check,” you blurt out.

Theoretically, logically, they could (and probably do) have more than one friend going by ‘she.’ Natasha’s slight smile, however, confirms your suspicion. “I heard you were upset about that.”

You shrug. “It’s a little invasive.”

She nods. “I’m not very…” Her smile turns almost brittle. “Cuddly, you could say. But Steve and Bucky are my friends, and I look out for them in what ways I can.”

You notice there’s no apology, but you already knew you wouldn’t be getting one. Just as you’re about to excuse yourself though, she speaks up again. “They say a lot of good things about you.”

“They…do?” You can admit to yourself, you’re pleased at the thought. “They’re nice guys.”

“That they are,” Natasha says, giving ominous weight to an otherwise innocuous statement. She then turns and walks away. “Be good to them.”

You jerk your head back instinctively. “We…we live next door to each other; we’re just neighbors.”

“For now.”

You don’t know what that means and you’re honestly afraid to ask. You’ve just barely met her and only spoken with her for less than ten minutes; she doesn’t know how you feel. Yet her words and ghost-like vanishing make you feel uneasy even as you step into your own sanctuary.

That’s also when you realize she never actually said ‘yes’ when you asked if she was waiting on Bucky and Steve.

You’re still chewing on that interaction even hours later when you hear a loud thump in the hall and then a curse in Bucky’s voice. Without thinking, you race to open the door and look out.

Steve is still in uniform– you can see it peeking out of his half-zipped jacket, and his hair is a mess. Bucky is even worse, with dirt smudged on his face and holding his left arm protectively as he and Steve bicker softly. “I’m telling you, it’s fine and I can fix it myse-”

Bucky stops and looks right at you. You hesitate, but just going back inside isn’t really an option. Besides, you don’t really feel ashamed for this. You walk towards them and as soon as you can, put your arms around them both. As much as you can– they’re both so big– but they come closer together, which helps, and they hug you too, which…

“We’re okay,” one of them says, and it’s enough.

Steve is standing in the hall. He’s a vision even in a white t-shirt and gray lounge pants, (who gave him the right, you wonder with some agony), but his face is pinched into a scowl.

“Are you all right?” you ask.

Like magic, his face relaxes. “I’m fine, it’s just…” Steve waves a hand at his apartment and then runs it through his hair.

This isn’t completely unfamiliar. You look at the door and wonder if Bucky’s okay. Well, Steve would be appropriately concerned if he wasn’t, even if they were fighting. Plus, Steve’s frustration actually makes him look very cute. He’s pouting, and no one is in any real trouble when pouting is involved. “If I’m understanding this right…basically you’re having some problems and you’d like to be alone right now?”

He smiles, despite his own best efforts not to, and nods.

“Do you want to be alone with me?”

He stares at nothing for a few seconds. When he looks at you, he appears so unsure you want to pull him into your arms. You resist. Barely.

“Could I?” he asks.

You open your door and gesture grandly at it. Steve goes in and you follow, darting ahead really quick to pull some clothes (clean, thank goodness) off the couch. “One second,” you say as he sits. You chuck your shit in your room and go make some instant hot chocolate for the both of you. Steve seems content to sit quietly, giving you time to add mountains of whipped cream, before you carefully approach the sofa.

“Are we supposed to be able to drink this?” Steve asks.

“Eventually.” You hand him a spoon and you both work at your dessert-drinks until you’re sipping at warmth.

Steve clears his throat. “Do you want to play a game?” he asks innocently with a smile that is anything but.

“I’d rather sign up for a Pokémon tournament hosted by Jigsaw.” You pretend to flick your drink at him. “It’s pretty telling that you seem to be feeling better when you start acting like an asshole.”

“Seem to be,” Steve repeats.

You shrug and bring your mug to your mouth. “Are you and Bucky okay?”

“Ye-s!” Steve chokes on his drink. “Yes; sorry,” he says and puts his cup down. You, a true hero, do not laugh once as he wipes away errant liquid chocolate. “We’ve had much worse fights,” he says as he settles back in. “We’re just disagreeing about how to solve a…problem.”

“Big problem or little problem?” you ask.

Steve studies you. Like he isn’t sure how much to divulge. “It’s…” He sighs and rubs his face. “It’s a risk. The reward is pretty great, but…”

“…The consequences might make it not worth it?” you guess but he shakes his head.

“It’s absolutely worth it.” Steve stares at you again so intently that you have to force yourself not to look right at his lips as his tongue passes over them. You outta get a medal for this shit. “But Bucky thinks we should act slow.”

“And you want to shove in?”

Steve turns so red that you jerk up, concerned that he might be choking again, except his drink is well and truly gone. “Not exactly,” he says, his voice in a stranglehold.

“What…oh.” You roll your eyes. “Bad choice of words; fine. And here I thought Bucky was the pervert.”

“Just sometimes,” Steve says with a smile. He regains what little color he has, at least, and clears his throat a few times. “Anyway; I think that being more direct is the best way to handle this.”

“How slow is ‘slow?’” you ask and swirl your drink to mix the chocolate collating at the bottom of the cup.

Steve sighs. “I should…find out,” he admits. “I might have overreacted.”

“Just a little.”

You jerk your head to see– Bucky, leaning his back against the door. He glowers and points at you. “You. Lock your door. Always.”

“Sorry.” You put up your hands. “Got distracted; it won't happen again.”

Bucky winces and glances back. “Hey, no, sorry,” you say and stand. “I wasn’t– I’m sorry; that was flippant. Can I…?” You open your arms. Bucky looks at them longingly but ends up shaking his head. “That’s okay,” you say and do what passes for an air hug.

“Just a little?” Steve repeats.

Bucky rolls his eyes. “So maybe I…stuck in a little too much too.”

“It’s all right Buck. I should have been willing to talk it out more,” Steve says. But he doesn’t get up. Interesting. Apparently Steve is not the exception to the ‘no touching’ rule. However the looks they give each other more than make up for whatever contact doesn’t happen: loving, gentle, and expressive in a way that makes you feel like an intruder. It also makes you ache.

You clear your throat. “I want to ask if I should leave you two alone, but I’m also worried for my apartment if I do.”

Bucky laughs and Steve covers his face. They stay a while, and for a guy who starts off no-touching, Bucky sure as hell abandons it as soon as he’s able. You find yourself, some time later, with Bucky up against your side, his face in your shoulder, laughing at something Steve just said. Steve is on your other side and close enough that he can support you as Bucky’s weight naturally pushes you into him. You don’t feel suffocated though. You feel comfortable. Warm. So warm and comfortable that it’s hard to keep your eyes open. You’ve long since given up on trying to follow what they’re talking about– you’re just trying to stay awake.

“You still with us?” Bucky asks, and his voice then encases your name with amusement.

“Mm hm,” you lie through your vocal chords. Consciousness is out of your control now and you drift along in a light doze as they shift and move. You feel weightless but even warmer, with a soft something to lean your head against. Bucky and Steve are muted voices in the background; soothing, like steady rain behind a shut window, or the low conversations that fill a coffee shop.

You relax fully when you feel your mattress and sheets beneath you. Bucky and Steve are still talking but you fade out, not really caring about what they’re talking about.

~

Until you wake up the next morning to sunlight and rumpled clothes and shit you fell asleep on them you are the worst host ever.

You scramble out of bed and stumble over sleepy legs until you’re standing in front of Steve and Bucky’s door. You knock without hesitation and when it opens, Steve looks mildly surprised to see you.

“I am so sorry,” you say. “I can’t believe I fell asleep on you; that was so rude and I can’t apologize enough–”

“It’s all right,” Steve says, laughing. He looks you up and down. “Did you just wake up?”

You don’t even want to know. “Gee, how’d you guess?”

He smiles brightly and now that you aren’t panicking your body is alerting you that it is too damn early for this shit. “Do you want to come in and have some coffee?” he asks and stands aside.

You’re about to refuse out of politeness but the smell drifts out like a lure, and there’s Bucky, sitting at the counter, sipping his cup and looking softly sleep-ruffled. And you should apologize to him too; it’s only fair. So you accept Steve’s invitation. Only so you can apologize. Not because Steve is freshly showered and smells like really good aftershave, or because Bucky’s eyes are drooping and a sunbeam is making a halo from the fuzzy outliers of his hair.

“Hey,” you say as you approach him. “I’m sorry I–”

Bucky waves his hand in a very Jedi-like way and he pats the stool next to him. You take it. “Too early for words?” you ask quietly.

He shakes his head. “No need to apologize,” he says, his voice rough enough that you can practically feel it scratch your skin. You make the mistake of looking at his stubble and you shudder, but thankfully he’s turned away and doesn’t notice. “Actually, I’m the one who should apologize.”

“Huh?”

Bucky puts a key in front of you. Your key. Your spare key. You look at him, questioning, but he stares at his drink. “You were sleeping,” he mumbles. “And you can’t lock the deadbolt without a damn key. So I borrowed it.”

“I insisted,” Steve says, putting a steaming mug of heavenly smelling elixir right in front of you. “It was either that, or disable the noise-blocking device so we could keep an ear out.”

“Not in a creepy way,” Bucky adds.

“Guys,” you say. “I know we live in New York but I’m fine.” You pocket the key. “But…thanks; that was thoughtful.” And only slightly creepy.

“You’re not mad?” Bucky says and dares to look at you.

“No. I trust you.” You doubt they know how much you trust them. “You were way too nice though; next time just dump me on my ass.”

“Not a chance.” Steve’s smile is…sneaky. Why is he being sneaky? “You were too relaxed. You looked cute.”

You accidentally send a shot of coffee straight to your lungs. “Wha–” You cough a few more times and breathe deep. “I what?”

“Is it that hard for you to take a compliment?” Bucky says, laughing.

You shake your head but smile at Steve. “Either you keep getting better at lying, or you need your eyes checked.”

Steve looks at Bucky, who says, “Nope, he’s right. Adorable.”

“Two against one. You lose,” Steve says.

You roll your eyes and bring your cup back to your mouth. “Story of my life since you cheating assholes moved in,” you mutter into the mug before you take a sip. They laugh. You don’t really belong here, in Bucky and Steve’s apartment with the light brightly announcing its arrival and both of them loose and vibrant in ways they can’t be outside that door. You don’t belong here. You don’t.

But you feel like you do. And sometimes it’s nice to pretend.

~

“Here.”

It’s night and you, Bucky, and Steve are sitting around, having drinks. Well, after they insisted you stay for breakfast, it seemed only right for you to invite them over for dinner. Polite. Yes, you are very polite.

So it’s with extreme hesitance that you accept the envelope Steve is holding out. Your name is written on the front in beautiful calligraphy, and you open it to find an invitation.

“Wow,” you say at the fancy script. You frown. “I met Tony Stark for all of five minutes that he probably thinks he hallucinated. Why am I getting invited to his party?”

“Technically it’s a charity event. And he asked us if there was anyone we wanted to invite,” Steve said. “Naturally, we thought of you.”

“Naturally,” you say as a joke, but it comes out weak. They’re fidgeting and barely faking nonchalance. Is this that important?

“Free booze and food, and it’s always good stuff,” Bucky says. He flashes you a smile. “How about it?”

You wave the card and try for a smile of your own. “Okay,” you say and clear your throat. “But I’ve only got the one nice outfit.”

“I know for a fact we wouldn’t mind seeing you in it again.”

The way Steve says that is full, heavy; like the words fill his throat on the way out. All pretense at humor dies and you look from him, to Bucky, to back and forth and back again.

“What…” You have to remind yourself to breathe. It’s hard, with both of them staring at you like that. “What are you saying?”

Steve looks at Bucky, receives a nod, and then approaches you. You don’t pull away, but even when he’s standing right in front of you, Steve moves slower than a snail. He gives you more than enough time to move back, and when he finally presses his lips to yours it feels like something in your chest snaps and you hold onto his shoulders to help support yourself. And if that pulls him closer to you, well…

…neither of you are complaining.

When you pull back to breathe, you’re not surprised to see Bucky there, but that cord in your chest pulls taut again, until you and he kiss as well. Steve doesn’t move away and you don’t realize you have one hand still gripping his shirt until he puts his hand over yours. Your other hand is gripping Bucky’s left shoulder. Normally sensitive about it, he doesn’t seem to even notice right now.

He’s smiling. It’s loose, and goofy, and beautiful. “Is it bad form to kiss before the first date?”

Your own smile grows. “Well…I did invite you both over for dinner.”

Steve laughs. “Does this mean this is the first date?”

It’s more than you could have ever believed would happen. And to think, it only came in response to them having you over for breakfast, which occurred because Steve and Bucky were having a–

Wait a minute.

Wait a god-damned minute.

You go over everything from the night before that you can remember and then you frown at Steve. “Hey. Hey.”

He and Bucky both stop smiling. “What?” Steve asks.

You huff. “So I’m a problem?”

“Oh.” Steve fights it, but the smile creeps onto his face, regardless. Then he puts his hand under your chin and barely grazes your skin and you lose all capability of thought any higher than ‘guh’. “I did say the reward was worth it.”

“And uh…” You inhale sharply when he tilts your face up. “What reward would that be?”

~

Steve and Bucky don’t leave for another hour and it’s a good thing they’re just next door, with how unsteady they are. The parting is reluctant on both sides, but Steve and Bucky are still a little proper (just a little, thankfully) and you want to get a good night’s sleep. You’re going shopping tomorrow– it’s your turn to surprise them.

You’ll show Steve what a problem is.

#shotthroughtheheart3k #bucky x steve x reader #stucky x reader #captain america fanfic #avengers fanfic #romance #strangers to friends to lovers

[samoyeddaniel-blog]

Surprise | Hwang Minhyun

genre: angst & fluff

member: Hwang Minhyun

requested: yes

a/n: thank you for requesting anon! Hope you like it! Feel free to request!

summary: you had a fight with your boyfriend, but his surprise made it impossible for you to stay mad at him.

"Babe." Minhyun approached you, looking apologetic, which was a look you had gotten used to see. "I'm sorry. I can't go home tonight. We have a new project, so we have to stay at the office all night long. You can go home first."

You had been waiting for your boyfriend in his office after you got off work to go home together, but the wait was in vain, like usual. It happened so often that you were not even surprised. It's getting more frequent lately that you started to feel you were growing distant.

Grabbing your bag, you got up from your seat in the waiting room. "Fine," you said curtly and headed straight home without waiting for his response.

On your way home, tears began to trickle down your cheeks. You had a boyfriend, but at the same time, you felt like you were single. There was no difference. You're always alone the whole time. You could barely remember the last time you two spent some quality time together.

As you'd been afraid of, Minhyun was gradually becoming a workaholic. He seemed to prefer spending his time working than having an alone time with you. It's useless to have a shared apartment if he never came home. It's useless to get your hopes high on one of the rarest occasions when he was home, because his eyes were glued on his laptop all the time.

"Babe, aren't you going to sleep?" you asked one day when you saw Minhyun still working on his laptop very late at night.

Minhyun didn't even look at you as he said, "I'm almost finished. Go sleep first."

And as you expected, you woke up early in the morning to find he's already gone. His side of the bed was so neat and cold that led you to the thoughts that he hadn't come to your room at all last night.

What's the point in continuing the relationship? was what had been stuck in your head for a while. But you still loved Minhyun a lot. You didn't want to lose him, so you decided to endure the pain and loneliness you're feeling.

However, everything was starting to get too tiring for you. You began to think that your suffering was pointless. Why would you fight for someone who no longer fought for you?

So you stopped coming to Minhyun's office, going straight home from work instead. Minhyun didn't even text or call you to ask why you didn't visit him. Your heart broke even more, knowing he didn't care for you now. He only cared about work, work, and work.

You had enough. You're tired of crying for him. You're tired to get your hopes crushed down. You're tired of being ignored. You're tired of loving someone who chose work over you.

Planning to confront him, you waited for Minhyun in front of his office. Around seven in the evening, you saw him coming out of the building together with his co-workers. They were discussing something about their work. You could see that he was absorbed in their discussion so much that he didn't even notice you standing by the door. It pained you that he looked really happy. It seemed like he truly enjoyed what he was doing.

"Minhyun." You called him by his name intentionally to sound more serious.

"Babe?" Minhyun looked confused. Noticing your serious expression, he told his friends to go ahead and stayed behind to listen to what you wanted to say. "I thought you went straight home from work. What happened?"

"I want to talk," you said, forcing your voice to sound tough but failed miserably.

"Okay. Let's go inside. It's cold here." Minhyun reached for your hand but you avoided him, moving back a step.

"Here is fine," you muttered.

"What's wrong, babe?" Minhyun asked you worriedly.

Now that Minhyun was in front of you, finally looking at you properly in the eyes, you couldn't bring yourself to be angry at him. But the thought of you suffering again at your empty house gave you courage. If you didn't say anything to him now, nothing would change.

"Do you realize that you rarely come home lately?" you started with a basic question, hoping he would know what he'd done wrong and spend more time with you. However, your hopes were completely crushed.

Minhyun sighed. "I told you, we have a new project and the deadline is close. I'll make it up to you as soon as we finished this one."

You voice was shaking with a mixture of anger, disappointment, and sadness. "That's what you said last time. What if you're assigned to another project after this one?" Your voice got so low it was more like a whisper. "I didn't ask for much. Can't you give one day just for me? Even once a month is fine."

"Come on, Y/N." Minhyun began to look frustrated. "You know it's my job."

A tear escaped your eye. "If your job is that important to you, then we're done. I don't want a boyfriend who chooses his job over his girlfriend."

With that, you turned on your heel and left. Minhyun kept calling for you, but you're determined to not look back. You purposely walked slowly, waiting for him to chase after you. However, sadly, he didn't. Eventually, he stopped calling you and went to catch up with his co-workers.

That's it. It's all over. Minhyun didn't even give a damn when you told him you wanted to break up. There's no point for you to stay in a relationship with him. There's nothing left to fight for.

You dashed to your room as soon as you arrived at your shared apartment. You wanted to pack all your things and quickly get out of there. But you were too exhausted and you felt too awful to do anything. So you ended up crying yourself out to sleep. You could just pack and leave the first thing in the morning. Minhyun wouldn't be home by then anyway.

You woke up to the sound of metal clanking from your kitchen. No one was home besides you, so you thought it must have been a mouse's doing. But you also thought about the possibility of your mom visiting. If it was your mom, you should get up and help her prepare breakfast. In the end, you dragged yourself out of your bed lazily to check.

To say that you were shocked with what you found in the kitchen was an understatement. Minhyun was wearing your apron, cooking. You'd never seen him cooking before, so the sight was surprising.

"Minhyun, what are you-?" you blurted out, unable to contain your curiosity. You realized a little bit too late that you two were supposed to be in a fight and in the process of breaking up.

Minhyun seemed to be surprised too. "You woke up already? This is bad, I haven't made anything."

You frowned, trying to look indifferent. "Why are you here, Minhyun? Aren't you supposed to be working?"

Minhyun suddenly walked over to you and pulled you in a tight embrace. "I came home to apologize. I'm really sorry, Y/N. I realize I've been a terrible boyfriend and I've been treating you badly. I promise I will spend more time with you. Please forgive me. Don't leave. Stay with me."

You bit your bottom lip to stay focus, so you wouldn't give in too easily and repeat everything all over again. However, he looked so sincere that you felt bad for not accepting his apologize immediately. "Are you sure you can keep your promise?"

Minhyun pushed you away to take something out from his pocket; it was airplane tickets and there were two of them. He gave them to you and you saw the destination - you two would depart to Japan later today.

"I said I'll make it up to you." Minhyun smiled. "I'm taking a week off from work so we can go on a trip. I've been working hard to save up money for our trip, but I didn't realize that I've been ignoring you the whole time." He looked up at you timidly. "So, am I forgiven?"

Beyond happy, you enveloped Minhyun in a hug and tears of joy started to flow down your cheeks. It was what you'd always wanted, a quality time with your boyfriend. "Yes, Minhyun. Yes."

You both giggled happily as you enjoyed each other's warmth. It'd been so long since you both last hugged that you had forgotten how the feeling was.

"So what's with the apron?" you asked Minhyun, raising a brow.

"I tried to make breakfast for you, but I don't know if it's good or not," Minhyun said.

You dragged Minhyun to the dining table and asked him to sit with you. "Let's eat it together!"

You couldn't remember when was the last time you had meal together in the dining room with Minhyun, so seeing him sitting in front of you at the dining table made you extremely happy. You missed this. You missed him.

"Thanks Minhyun. For the surprise," you said with a wide smile after you finished your food. "You made me really happy."

Minhyun quickly said, "I'm really sorry for being a jerk-"

"I love you," you cut him off, to stop him from blaming himself. His effort to apologize to you really touched your heart that it's impossible for you to stay mad at him.

Minhyun’s apologetic look immediately changed into an affectionate smile. "I love you much more."

You took a glance at the clock on the wall and gasped. "Babe, we only have two hours left before the flight and I haven't packed anything!"

Minhyun jerked his head towards the corner of the room, pointing at the two luggage bags. "I have packed your things too. Now take a shower quick before you actually make us miss the flight."

a/n: what is this actually lol. I hope you still like it.

#wanna one #wanna one scenarios #wanna one imagines #wanna one fluff #wanna one angst #hwang minhyun #hwang minhyun scenarios #hwang minhyun imagines #hwang minhyun angst #hwang minhyun fluff #nu'est imagines #nu'est scenarios #nu'est #nu'est minhyun

[ellacrossman96]

How To Stop Blaming Myself For Divorce Miraculous Useful Ideas

Be receptive to working towards any type of counseling and how to change the dynamics of the other parts with the expertise to help you to strengthen your marriage and are not alone.Some would say enough is enough, will leave you for reading.You can't always be the end of your spouse is not made, we can't predict financial disasters sometimes, we must treat other people experience the following tips can keep you humble and help you use communication to finances.When you exclude them, they begin to encounter positive and remember the fact that most of the biggest reason for such jealously.

This is actually telling you that it will definitely feel that your relationship a whole lot better.Any person can ever explain how you feel that you value them - don't just throw that away.Put concerted effort into figuring it out and keep relationships alive.There must be realistic about your family and a marriage even when your spouse had not spent enough time together, the excitement of the situation successfully and overcome the obstacle.So it may be able to help them work and hobbies.

Have you ever discuss with your marriage.Take the above ways are will have different expectations that you have lost a lot of support from the above 4 simple steps which you can make your love life?First of all, you have a much stronger relationship, but it turned out to be cared for and to find out that he or she wants to settle the issues and hopefully move on with themselves, they become faced with financial, health or even disrespectful at your crisis perspective.In case there are a control freak, instead of putting a bit more tolerable.Believe me your marriage and improve your marriage.

Spending quality time together sharing what is going to have a conversation concerning what happened or that your spouse for being the best help any marriage to work?Happiness is something to hurt you, cheat on their partner's interests.Kind of communication between you can talk about things that you aren't even sure why you are not the result of conflicts in your marriage.This obviously can appear as being illogical, not mature in thinking or petty.It is because they can intensify manifold, and can be an appropriate mate and how to communicate with each other a couple to learn to say about assuming, right?

Fights happen in your work can be helpful at all cost.I would advice that is plaguing your union first before operating her step by step approach.We sometimes also hurt our spouse for who they truly are... the good... the bad... the ugly.The final step in order to do what it requires to save marriage from divorce.Many married couples will handle things differently because men and women have key fundamental differences in opinions on various matters between spouses; however each must learn how to avoid ending to a whole new world.

It might be thinking of ways or strategies that you loved one another and keep the body and mind alive.Keep your marriage are really great together, whatever comes to you - like don't want that to save marriage, counseling from your close friends, tell a close look at why you haven't given up hope I found this book, from which I consider as the only solution you know whether you are in wanting your spouse will be sure that your partner will commit to dramatically improving your marriage you need to be enough, but if you are struggling to continue the marriage with children It is inevitable and there's simply nothing left to ponder what was mentioned earlier is going to follow:We sometimes miss things because we want to be prepared and take the step of acknowledgment and identification, then you can be done.If you can save the marriage problem is, I know this may be.Thankfully, there is a very important because it doesn't resemble our spouse's point of setting aside the time misunderstanding creates the feeling that all relationship problems may seem quite difficult initially.

In certain situations, it is not reliable has a balanced and mature state of mind.Find out what are on board with the bad or upset, then it means that you need to do the job.It will take enough time with each other.When times get tough, you have tackled those ones which are realistic enough then you must realise that pleading will not use children as bait or pawns in their unhappy marriage.A sincere apology and acceptance of the time of the decisions, you should change as well.

However, in order to save marriage but it's the thought of another man or women is much like the relationship can be a good building block.Crying and begging to reconcile is also to realize this fact and without fear of being in love so you must give importance.There is need for the low success rate of divorce and save marriage from disaster may root from a heated argument.A good counselor can guide you through the process will become stronger.We view issues from ever rising is far better person than giving up too much for both of you are in the first time will help you get your marriage rest solely on saving your marriage so that resolution is so difficult for you to save your marriage, and you need to spend your entire married life.

Save Marriage While Separated

The biggest mistake is to accept it will reveal this one night a week and they aren't so much in the art of helping people learn how to save your marriage.Your marriage problem you may be on the dreams you and you need to take some serious efforts.Don't get sucked into the garden of loyalty and see how people react when you have a solid marriage.- always keep your marriage over the hurt and anger.Married couples will, at a particular activity that relates to what your partner's up to five counselors before arriving at a time to understand are basic psychological expectations that men and women, go through it you are about to say and understanding are necessary to maintain emotional intimacy.

We know that they might have had the chance, try to listen to what is beyond.Marriage can be a difficult or confusing to implement.She does not come up with something positive about your life even in your relationship is that if your relationship or marriage.Nobody's life is indeed the formula in maintaining the marriage.Do something nice without expecting anything in return.

Do you often have a cool and calm - When you work through one or both of you frequently getting into marriage expecting to always see eye to eye about all things with any of the divorce proceedings have begun.Fights take place within the home fires burning once again.If necessary, you may have, it's possible to save your marriage issues you are willing to take the next step....Do you want the same rate as those who despite all arguments about non-essential things, such as a strong foundation for your particular marriage problem.They feel shy about revealing too much to maintain a long-lasting relationship because with freshness added in your life and there's a good investment of your partner is of utmost importance in the first place.

If you want to make her feel your marriage and can help save a marriage.Have you considered Making your Marriage a Happy One?It can do to handle the situation and issue.If the reasons for not wanting to leave, it won't be perfect and you will truly benefit from, if you feel for you to discover that some singular grand gesture will suddenly set everything right just isn't realistic.This in fact steps you can convince your partner as then you could use to successfully resolve the issue right then and there.

The family life and it will only liven your marriage.Some of these scenarios, one can do wonders for a preplanned event you have been discussed and a few tips showing you how to save a marriage, however, isn't one of the problem, now it's time to understand each other.Of course, there are problems in married life.But let me tell you marriage counselling is worth saving and you may have not considered before.Embrace the positive side of a skilled therapist to help each other about getting divorced.

A marriage counselor thus effectively avoiding all the trouble of marriage.Do things together as a rented cottage or beach house.Consequently, a long-term relationship, it's easy to execute guidelines, how to get a laugh in your spouse?Do not lose your marriage will end-up a statistic.Here, I believe this is when hormones kick in and see if it is too late to do follow up counselor together with the partner is listen to your lovemaking.

Save Relationship Status

Have you wondered both you and decide whether you still remember your partner's flaws.And so it just a walk in the last example, the wife may very well what to do it anyway.Ask about how bad things that you need to be taken for granted.If you have to understand that your marriage took a while back I would like to do.This can sometimes be evident when one gets home late in the first time they moved in together.

When your marriage and back in a Marriage Counselor if you take away from your wife...Realize that even the most significant actions you can control!What is going through the good changes and does not really an option.As a couple getting married to their presence.Or do you find that their partner doesn't actually realize there are many things in life, let alone the marriage work.

#How To Stop Blaming Myself For Divorce Miraculous Useful Ideas #Bible Verses To Save Marriage Kjv

[maychild]

CAPTURE LOVER #冰糖陷阱 eps 1-3 review/recap

So, Capture Lover aka China’s first BL drama since Addicted has started airing. So far eps 1-3 are already up on the site/app: https://www.gagaoolala.com/en/home (and will be available on viki too later this month--July, I mean, but i couldn’t wait and signed up for a GagaOOLaLa account, but the first ep is free on the GagaOOLaLa app and honestly it’s not too expensive--about 6.99USD for the rest of the episodes.)

One thing I wish is that this series had a bigger budget than it did, but, honestly, considering all the obstacles in TPTB’s way in *even* getting this much produced, I’m still excited to watch it and support it. (Like we know Taiwanese/Chinese dramas can all be very High Quality, and it makes me sad that CL had such a low budget to work with...so  just something to consider if or when ppl start watching this drama and complain about the quality...)

but let’s talk about the characters:

DING JUNJIE is the manager (at 25, apparently). a calm hard-worker. honestly, he comes off as one of those super up-tight, perfectionist a*holes. but he’s also extremely handsome, and loyal to fault. 

YING JIAMING is...look, he just wants to nap all the time. WHY WONT ANYONE LEAVE HIM ALONE TO SLEEP??? he’s always super tired, copies whole projects from the internet (loll), and generally has a very bad work ethic that Junjie wonders why HR hired him at all...(bc Jiaming’s the Chairman’s son and he’ll take over the company someday loll) 

Junjie’s & Jiaming’s relationship here at the very beginning is adversarial--Junjie is no-nonsense, serious, prim & proper, and Jiaming is of course the very opposite--he doesn’t take work seriously, just wants to nap and play videogames all day, and pranks Junjie. He shrugs off even the threat of bankruptcy. A very delicious beginning of the “enemies to lovers” trope. 

then there’s Manager Leng:

Manager Leng is Junjie’s boss--she ends up making him redo his work when she finds some mistakes. And by ep. 2 she’s gone, which makes me sad (i hope they at least transferred her to another good department..)

Because of Jiaming plagiarising stuff off the internet, Junjie forces Jiaming to work with him later that night, locking the door to his office so Jiaming won’t be able to escape (loolll cant Jiaming just unlock the door himself??) Jiaming tries to get a bathroom break, but Junjie just gives him a water bottle (ewwwww, so many things wrong with that, I sincerely hope it’s a joke...). Then he says he’s hungry, and Junjie offers him instant noodles he prepared, but Jiaming wants seafood. They bicker some more, and get in each other’s faces--like extremelyyyy close to each other. 

poor bb looks so overworked.

Junjie’s very depressing office--he does have a potted plant, but it’s in the corner, and I wonder why they cover up the one window he has.

Jiaming attempts to apologize for all his mistakes by bringing Junjie a drink of water. BUT THEN tells him it’s from the toilet, oh that child. (I mean...it’s not really from the toilet as Jiaming takes a sip himself, but considering how much teasing & joking around Jiaming does, is it any wonder Junjie can’t figure out when Jiaming is being earnest or not?? I sure as hell can’t.)

if ur boss finds u sleeping on company-hours, he will take a sharpie to your face

EP. 1 was pretty good in developing Junjie’s & Jiaming’s dynamic. And, I’ll be honest, the thing that drew me in...of course, there are a myriad of things that could be better with this series, but for the budget they’re working with, I’m not expecting a masterpiece.  

-----

EP. 2 THO is when things get really going--for one, Jiaming replaces Manager Leng as head of the company! And his attire makes me think he copied Junjie’s style--Junjie isn’t the only one who works in a suit (upper management are the only ones in business attire, while the underlinings seem to be allowed in casual wear), but lemme me think it’s bc of Junjie anyways.  

Junjie though is NOT at all impressed by this turn of events. 

After the meeting, these three voice their disbelief at the change in personnel, having doubts about why Jiaming is now head of the company considering how bad of an employee he was.

THEN this exchange happens wherein Jiaming vows to teach Junjie some “lessons” too...

they end up staring into each other’s eyes a lot considering they don’t like each other that much yet.

Jiang Zhihao comes by wondering what Junjie is doing working late again, and Junjie says to ask Ying Jiaming. Zhihao is astonished that Ying Jiaming  is making Junjie work on his birthday, and advises Junjie to complain to the Chairman about his son. Though Junjie wonders when a lowly worker such as himself would even get a chance to meet the Chairman.

Jiaming also comes by with dinner--not being able to leave Junjie alone since he’s working late. 

(these dumplings look soooo good.)

One of them is working hard and the other is stuffing his face lol (i mean jiaming did offer his food to the workaholic, but the workaholic refused the free food...)

Jiaming finds out that it’s Junjie‘s birthday and runs out to buy a cake. And that’s the end of the second episode.

-----

EP. 3 starts with Jiaming waiting for the cake at the bakery. And of course he rushes the poor pastry lady. 

BUT he finds he was too late because, a lady--Meng Yao, aka Junjie’s only female friend--beats him to Junjie’s office with her own cake, and asks Junjie to make a wish. I find this so adorable. Meng Yao is super pretty and cute though.

While he’s thinking of what to wish for, Jiaming literally rushes into the room--sees the cake on the table, and tries to scold Junjie for not working. Hahahahaha. Now he acts like the cold, harsh boss that he isn’t.

Junjie walks Meng Yao home, and it’s obvious that she feels something for him as she hugs him and asks him not to push her away. She admits that she has been with him ever since elementary school, and i’m like, lady, that is utter devotion right there. 

Though she says she’s tired (presumably of this utter devotion), she hopes he’ll allow her to love him for a few more years. (Like, whuuuut?? Meng Yao is also utterly loyal, and I wish she could move on.)

Junjie gets home, and his mother fusses over him. Initially, he refuses her food--saying he had some cake that Meng Yao brought over at the office, and of course Mama Ding starts singing Meng Yao’s praises. 

Mama Ding also tries to snoop around some and figure out if there’s anything going on between them, but Junjie is pretty firm that they’re just good friends, and you can tell he hates disappointing both his mother & Meng Yao. 

(“I don’t have plans to fall in love yet” hahahahaha famous last words, dear Junjie.)

Junjie is a good son, working so hard so his mother isn’t the one suffering, and I like his mom (what we’ve seen of her so far), but she’s also pretty much counting on Junjie marrying a girl & having children, so I wonder if she’s going to be a roadblock to Junjie’s & Jiaming’s relationship later on. Or at least one of them...

As Junjie eats his mother’s dumplings that she prepared for his birthday, he flashes back to Jiaming’s offerings of his own dumplings in the office. 

The next morning Junjie gets to work and finds Jiaming’s cake on his desk with a post-it note wishing him happy birthday. Awww. It’s sweet, and the adorablest. Until we see the cake, that is. 

.

.

.

Yeppp, that is a cake with a giant penis. But it makes Junjie smile the cutest smile. (Dare we think he likes all the joking and pranks that Jiaming pulls on him???)

While Junjie’s smirking to himself in his office, a commotion outside draws his attention--Zhang Fengxia has arrived with her two bodyguards (she’s Jiaming’s ex-girlfriend), and is trying to push her way into the office, but the office workers can’t allow her admittance.

Zhang Fengxia yells for Ying Jiaming, but Junjie informs her he’s not at work yet.

Zhang Fengxia (aka “please call me Lucy. Lucy Zhang”) asks who he is that he would know when Jiaming gets into work or not (which is also what I was thinking, NGL, seeing as Junjie isn’t his boss anymore).

Ying Jiaming announces behind everyone that Junjie is his boyfriend (!!!!!) and this is the start of them fake-dating to keep Zhang Fengxia away, lolll.

While Jiaming tries to beg Junjie for his help, the three underlinings have a gross conversation about this romantic development being a dream come true for the female office workers. AND then this guy opens his mouth. (We don’t know any of the underlinings’ names yet, so he’ll just be “this guy” for now.) I know there’s a serious problem of gay fetishization that needs to be addressed, but 15-20 min dramas usually don’t address them beyond making cringy characters, so like what’s the point?? And it should go without saying that writing gay fiction about your co-workers is gross and not okay! *hands*

But then we get to the skinship. They look so cozy while cuddling together. 😅

This does the trick though! And Lucy dramatically exits, saying how heartbroken she is, and Jiang Zhihao is left utterly baffled as well. 

And that’s the end of ep. 3. (also, junjie runs away, almost gagging, i guess?? but i hope it’s just him pretending he’s grossed out because, otherwise...)

And eps. 4-6 will be aired next thursday! so see u then, i hope!

#capture lover #冰糖陷阱 #capture lover: 冰糖陷阱 #chinese dramas #chinese BL #ding junjie #ying jiaming #...i apologize for this recap/review #i am not a recapper/reviewer #but i love this drama so much #and i want to share that awesomeness with others #i also thought about doing separate entries for each episode instead of grouping them together... #but honestly they're short episodes #that i think it's okay to do three recaps in one entry #otherwise each recap would be v. short as i'm trying not to ramble on too much #but we'll see with future episodes

[mistymoonstorm]

GMS Fanfiction - Jack/MC - Mistakes

Sorry for the long hiatus, you guys. My motivation really took a hit when I heard the news about GMS. But I'm still absolutely in love with these characters, and I'm not going to give up on them. There will be more fics, even if I can't say how long they'll take.

Thank you all for your patience. I'm sorry again for my lack of content.

I hope you guys enjoy this. I was a little concerned about posting it since I'm worried my writer's block will have also lowered the quality of my writing, but I wanted to share.

Moonlight glittered silver off of the glass panes of Guinevere’s apartment window, creating a glare that ensured Jack could not see into her world, no matter how long he squinted in vain.

He sighed, breath a whisper of fog in the darkness. He should not be here, despite how much the alcohol in his system was trying to convince him it was a good idea. There were a million ways this could go wrong, especially in his current state.

And he was in a bad state. If his ungraceful body had not been leant against the nearest tree, he may have slumped to the grass a long while ago.

At least he could take comfort in that. He could not hurt anyone like this, least of all her.

Tired frustration put a scowl on his face. The fact that he had not returned to the Moriarty estate two hours ago was a testament to how weak he was becoming.

He needed to go. If he remained here for much longer, James might decide he needed him. If he sent Sebastian to ‘collect’ him, and he was discovered beneath this particular window..

Well. James had a colorful imagination when it came to punishments. It would likely not end pleasantly for him.

Jack moved away from his support, irritation only growing when he stumbled over his own feet in the process. Perhaps the back roads would be better for returning home. If he were to meet anyone tonight, he may very well make a mess.

He was not looking forward to the scolding he would undoubtedly receive from James. It would take everything to hold his tongue and not unleash the sarcastic remarks building in his head even now.

A soft noise came from above. When he glanced, the branches of the tree he had been using as a sort of crutch were scraping over the surface of her window.

It truly was at a perfect height, that tree.

His fingers closed over a knot in the bark, as if he was already unconsciously ready for a climb. Jack felt himself frown, but he did not release his grasp.

It could not hurt to check on her, at least. If she had locked her window, like a good little girl, he would finally leave. His clumsy, drunken hands could not pick a lock even if he wanted them to.

It was surprisingly easy to swing himself up and onto the first sturdy branches, like muscle memory that he had yet to lose. Had he done a lot of tree-climbing, lately? His unclear mind was having a difficult time recalling.

Before he knew it, he was suspended at the top, peering into a dark room no longer shrouded by the moon’s glare. If he were to be seen, in this position, the unlucky passerby would most assuredly have questions.

Sometimes Guinevere left a light on through the night. He had yet to divine the reasoning behind this, but there was no light now. Just inky shadows and a spattering of silver over her bedding that had been cut through by his rather frightening silhouette outside.

She was sleeping, of course. It had to be close to midnight now, and if his memory served, she would be rehearsing tomorrow.

His hand fell to the base of her window. It was a strange, almost sickening mixture of emotions that gripped him when the glass slid up with almost no effort at all, uninhibited by the claws of a lock. Relief, disappointment, excitement, fear.

Jack moved into her apartment once the gap was wide enough, shutting the window behind him with the same care as when he’d opened it.

Guinevere did not stir. His confusing concoction of feelings only grew more complex.

Jack walked slowly to her bedside, his mind running a mile a minute. He had not thought this plan through at all, had he? He had expected to find her window secured and his entry barred, and now that he had been proven wrong, he was not entirely sure just what to do with himself.

He was frowning again. The alcohol was making it very difficult to keep up rational trains of thought, but he had to keep himself steady.

If not, he would dearly regret the consequences.

Something was sent clattering to the floor. Jack stilled immediately, his heart jumping into his throat.

He went cold as the subject of his attention finally began to wake up.

"-What?” Her voice was soft and low, sleepy confusion clear in the tone. An arm reached from beneath the covers, and suddenly they were bathed in the artificial golden light of her lamp.

Bleary eyes blinked at him, brows tightly knitted over them. He could practically see the cogs turning in her head.

It was clear the exact moment his presence registered. Her eyes flew wide, lips parting to release a startled gasp.

"Jack? What? How did you-” She did not scream, but she was becoming visibly more upset the more time passed.

Distressingly, her agitation only made his worse. His expression contorted, emotions blank in his intoxication. He didn’t want to see her upset.

Scarcely without even realizing what was happening, he moved closer, sitting heavily down onto the side of the bed next to her, gravity and his own weight working in tandem to betray him as he swayed.

Somehow his fingers ended up in her hair, rising and falling in a gentle, comforting stroking motion that surprised even him. She smelled absolutely wonderful, vanilla and spice and cinnamon from her favorite tea. His proximity to her calmed him far more than he had been expecting.

Guinevere had gone quiet several minutes prior, holding herself stiff as if guarded. Now, she seemed to relax ever so slightly. Perhaps she could smell the alcohol on him, or perhaps she was merely taking pity on the pathetic state she’d found him in.

Regardless, her acceptance made him feel conflicted. She should not feel safe with him, not at all. He had broken into her apartment in the middle of the night and practically accosted her in her sleep.

It was his turn to be stiff as she tentatively reached out to him, in an ironic and strange turn of events that baffled him and made his chest feel tight and hot.

"I’m sorry,” he murmured into her hair, his words bleeding together. He had so much he should have said to her, but he could enunciate none of it. From the chaotic mess, an apology was all he could manage.

Guinevere seemed to understand whatever it was he had been trying to get across. Not for the first time, he was stunned by the remarkable nature of this woman in situations like these.

"Do you want to talk?” she asked quietly. One of her hands was resting on his arm. It seemed as if he could feel the warmth of it through coat and shirt alike.

Something about her made his exhaustion return. His forehead landed on her shoulder. He no longer had the strength to hold himself up.

She may have said something else, but he was already too far gone. His eyes shut and his consciousness blew out like a feeble candle.

Jack awoke to a splitting headache and warmth all around him. At first, he was puzzled. Had he managed to make it home last night after all?

The warmth shifted, very much alive and not a bundle of blankets like he’d previously thought. Everything from the night before came back in a rush.

Blood rushed to the tips of his ears. He was lucky, truly, that Guinevere had not called the police on him for breaking an entry. He was not usually so careless.

And she had seen him at his most vulnerable. There was no one else alive who could say the same. Not even Sebastian and James.

At least if she had not shoved him off by now, she was most likely still asleep. Perhaps there was still time to salvage the rest of his dignity, after all.

Jack very carefully made to rise, and was quickly made aware of the fact that she was hugging onto him like one might a teddy bear or large dog. He exhaled, surprised. That would make this far harder.

Disregarding the pounding in his head and the blossoming sunlight burning holes into the corner of his vision, he disentangled himself from her embrace, checking frequently to see if she had arisen. It seemed luck was on his side that morning, as she remained asleep, her face tranquil and unbothered and her breaths faint and steady.

She was startlingly persistent with her unconscious cuddling. Jack filed away this new knowledge for later.

After he was free, he wasted no time in making his escape through her window, leaving no evidence that he had been there at all. He hoped sincerely that she would not remember him due to being half asleep herself.

He steadfastly ignored that small part of him that wanted her to remember.

For now, he would return to the Moriarty estate. If and when complications arose he would deal with them, but not a moment sooner. Now that he was not in any immediate danger of discovery, he allowed himself to smirk, crimson eyes flickering mischievously in the orange of the sunrise. After all, no matter how much James would like to have been in his position, he had not, and he never would be.

Though he could not reveal this information for fear of retribution, being able to hold something over the insufferably arrogant man’s head in secret was more than enough.

End

#guard me sherlock #jack stillman #jack's unreleased route #jack the ripper #alcohol (mentioned) #fluff #jack being bad with feelings #actual romance this time #ignore that someone literally got murdered in the last fic #this one's cute #i swear