#also like B grades. scare me a bit bc im not used to seeing that. nor having it so. I'm scared of what will ever happen | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ringmyheart · 3 years

Note

Hey was wondering if I could get something for lookism characters with an older s/o, like they're 3-4 older. Please do goo, Jake kim and Scott kwon.

Good luck with the blog🤩🤩🤩

Goo Kim

When you get into the relationship, of course he knows ur age and that you’re a few years older than him, and at first he doesn’t mention it but once ur like just a little bit closer he’s probably gonna poke fun at the fact

Because there’s nothing wrong w u being older it’s just that in all the stereotypical or general movies or shows or books it’s like the older person in the relationship is usually the like stronger or more providing person ends up being the oldest in the relationship and ur not useless in the relationship at all but he’s out there like killing ppl and raking in thousands a day at like 19 😭

If ur walking around in public and someone stares at u for a little longer or one of the ten geniuses is looking at u just casually he’ll get up in their face and b like “whaaat?! Do you know who you’re staring at? That’s your elder over there!! Show some respect!!”

He definitely sends u cringy texts like “how’s my favorite 21 year old 😍😍😍😍” and it’s clearly somewhat condescending but he means it endearingly simultaneously

If u don’t know something that he asks u he’ll raise a brow and go “really? A four year head start and u can’t tell me that 🤨” and it’s all good fun but he’s always gonna say stuff like that

And this is all unprompted, if he knows ur actually kinda like insecure for whatever reason that ur older than him, maybe bc he’s already getting cash like crazy at his age, he’ll either start making fun of u relentlessly OR if ur serious about it he’ll cut it out of course and never mention it again. He might try to make u feel better by being like “don’t worry!! Physically and mentally im probably years older than you 😘” and it doesn’t really make u feel better probably but he kind of tries

It’s honestly no big deal to him what ur age is, but if he knows u don’t like him mentioning it so much he will bc he likes to be annoying LMAO and whenever u accomplish something he’ll be like “did u see what my s/o did?! My 21/22yr old s/o?! At their old age they’re still kicking it!!” And ur in NO means old but he just wants to strike a nerve in u and fight in public for fun

But when u put him joking about it aside, it really doesn’t mean anything in the relationship honestly. He doesn’t feel like there’s a certain way for things to go nd just goes about things normally, and he doesn’t really see people older than him as wiser or anytning so he’s not gonna like go to you for advice or ask you to figure things out for him just bc ur older

And honestly u don’t even need a job anymore bc ur gonna b together for a long time and he makes SOOO much money so if u hate ur job or college u have the opportunity to do what u want in life without worrying ab the pay bc he makes it all for u

And yeah he’s pretty stingy w money besides being filthy rich but when or if u need it he’ll give it to u ofc and he wants u to pursue what u like too so he’ll even go to ur job or college and just inform them “btw (y/n) isn’t gonna work here anymore” for u and gets u a job as whatever u want. He beats up ur boss so u can get promoted or something but if u ask about it he’ll deny it anyways and it’s like who else would beat tf out of my boss and he shrugs

Or if u like ur current job or college he’ll threaten the school or ur boss LMAO and have them give u more money or make u pay less or promote u

Even tho ur older than him he sees himself as the like leader of u two ?? Like he’s a really joke-y guy on the exterior but behind the scenes he is doing all the like hard stuff so u don’t have to. Like he sees it as he helps u and if u never offer much help or advice he doesn’t gaf, it’s like he helps u and in return he gets u LMAO

If u like ur job or college, don’t wanna quit and don’t want him threatening ur superiors he is like the number one customer of u guys

Like if u r working retail or as a cashier he is always going to that store nd buying stuff nd funding ur business and he gets chairman choi to do so too

Or he’ll just buy ur company or college LMFAO and suddenly sales r booming and u don’t know why r ur classes r so much easier

Yeah ur older than him and the twelve geniuses but he doesn’t let u near them 😐 he doesn’t want u to be a part of that type of business and honestly keeps u away from it besides maybe gun bc he’s always around him but that’s it

Like he doesn’t want u anywhere near his business or that type of stuff and if ur curios about it he says “u will understand when ur my age” or something LMAO so u will stop asking. It’s like the 1 time he’s suddenly rlly serious

If anyone else mentions how ur older than him in a demeaning way he’ll def be mad it’s like HE can make fun of u but no one else can, like ever. He will fight them nd win even if it’s just on the street or something

He’s threatened like two of ur friends behind ur back bc they made fun of u once and u mentioned it LMAO

He makes u do taxes (does he even do taxes ????? LMFAO) but if he does he makes u do them bc suddenly he thinks ur so much smarter and wiser

If he’s in a rut and needs ur help and it’s something dumb like he lost something he’ll b like “cmooon ur so much smarter than me 😣😩 ur like 21 u would know this for sure” to make u do it and he uses flattery

None of the ten geniuses know ur name bc he’s tryna keep u safe lol

If ur ever in a situation somehow vaguely similar to one he’s in and he needs help on it he’ll ask u what u did, and if u say something surprisingly smart or wise he’ll be kinda surprised bc I feel like he’s cocky and doesn’t think others can help him that much but u do

But overall, it means nothing to him and it doesn’t matter how much older u r he’s still gonna feel like the protector

Jake Kim

It REALLY means nothing to him. Like he honestly never mentions it and ur like does he even know??? Bc a guy like him who’s like a leader of a whole enterprise type thing gang usually seems like he’d wanna be the elder in a relationship so ur like “... u know I’m like 4yrs older than u right?”

And he’s like “...yeah? Was that important or something?” And just blinks at u so ur like ... never mind

Honestly he probably makes u a bank account and puts money in it to surprise u on ur birthday or something like a little fund thing and he has a bank account on the side for u that has like thousands of dollars

If u ever feel bad or weird that ur older than him bc he is so successful and younger than u, he wonders why it even matters??? Who gaf??? And he’ll just hug u or something and is like pls don’t even worry about that... wth

If u ever feel petty bc he’s so much more successful than u bc it’s like when u have a hobby that u love and then a kid ends up being so much better at it than u but SO much worse bc he has like millions at like 19 💀 then he’s like okay but it’s OUR little enterprise now since we r together to assure u. He’s not cocky about it at all

But he won’t offer for u to join or try and help him out in making money even if he’s got to or it’s vital bc he also doesn’t want u involved w Big Deal at ALLLLLLL either, u could literally b like the smartest person in the world but once ur his s/o he probably doesn’t want u involved in his business at all

He does assume ur kind of wiser than him bc of ur age, so he’ll ask u for help or advice more often

Tbh regardless in a relationship he probably doesn’t leave any work for u to do like he does everything the financial stuff the living stuff everything so it doesn’t matter if ur older than him or if u see it as ur responsibility bc of that he’s still gonna bring in the money for y’all

Like he’s gonna take care of everything even if ur older so there’s no pressure for u to “act ur age”

Never brings up the fact that ur older than him, but maybe once in a fight it got bad and he yelled “ffs ur 21 u should know better than this!!” And that hurt ur feelings or something so from then on he just never ever mentioned it

And when others mention it he makes a cut throat motion like “stfu😡” bc he took it as u not liking ur age being brought up rather than u not liking it being held against u but it’s still kinda sweet how he tries to preserve ur feelings sm

If ur in college or something, he tries to help u w hw and stuff and he’s rlly educationally smart I think like he might’ve gotten bad grades but he understands quickly

And eventually he’s just doing ur hw for u LMAO

One time he probably accidentally wrote “Jake Kim” on the top of ur hw and u had to explain to ur professor why that happened

If u work, he probably also bribes ur boss or something to give u a raise and promotion or if u wanna move jobs but r scared of the low pay he feels like it’s a dumb fear bc he is clearly rich af, like u probably don’t even need a job 😭😭

Ur allowed to since ur in ur 20s legally but he doesn’t like or doesn’t let u go around casinos bc he’s seen firsthand how bad gambling is and he has the money to compensate if u ever get into gambling and lose a lot but he just doesn’t want u to feel guilty or get addicted

Like if u pass a casino and wanna go in and r like hey wanna check it out he just grabs ur hand and keeps walking and is like “let’s not” and probably asks u at one point to pls not get into gambling

If ur kinda petty bc he’s so much better at fighting than u despite being younger he’s like u don’t even need to fight I can literally do that for u???? Bc he feels like the only reason U would ever need to fight is to protect urself so if u wanna do it for fun he’ll teach u but doesn’t take it that srsly

He maybe made like one joke ab ur age or sent u a meme he saw ab relationships but u left him on read and it was just a bad joke or something but yeah overall he really refrains from bringing up ur age like ever 😭😭

He thinks ur insecure bc ur getting older or something and that’s y so he might start going like “looking youthful today 😀👍” every morning to u and ur like oh hehe thanks ????????

If someone else ever voices that they think it’s weird ur older than him he’ll fight them too like first he’ll go “(y/n), is this ur friend ?” Like he did w jiho and if ur like no he’s like oh :)) and then punches them or something

Doesn’t tell u stuff ab his business and ur like I’m 20-23 I can handle it and he just refuses anyways and will leave u in the dark bc yk won’t even risk it

Someone in Big Deal might be like “use ur s/o to help us work nd get money since they’re old they seem professional” he kicked them out immediately ur not touching that shit

But generally, he doesn’t care about it at all, and honestly just cares ab u and not ur age

Scott Kwon

He definitely uses u to get into places only ppl 20+ can enter LMAOO

He’ll have u walk in first and then slip in past u and if he gets caught he grabs u and goes “THIS is my s/o!!! They’re clearly of age, and I’m their s/o so clearly I am of age too 😤😤”

Ur banned from like 50 bars because of this like there’s a little “if these two come and ask u to enter their bar DO NOT LET THEM ENTER!!” Wall for y’all

He might try and hide in ur coat or something to get in but it never works

He definitely makes fun of ur age in a cocky way like haha... an older person wanted to get with ME. Little old me. And he feels like hot stuff bc of it for sure

Brags about it a lot like will take out ur photo and goes “u see this?? My s/o?? Yeah they’re in love w me and THREE YRS OLDER... hold ur applause guys” and it boosts his ego sm

He sends u scarily recent memes or jokes on the internet ab older s/o’s if there r any, and eventually when u go on his Instagram at least 1/3rd of his feed is just ageist jokes

If it really hurts ur feelings, he won’t tell any jokes ab it and won’t mention it ever again but will continue to utilize ur age to do things he can’t at age 18-19

He feels proud that he’s making sm money and is such a good fighter despite being younger than u bc he feels like it makes u look up to him so he’ll boast about it like he’ll punch something and go see that babe????? I can do that and I’m only 19!!! And ur like omg that’s so cooollll!!!!! <3 and his heart just swells

Pays for anything u want like buys u everything u ask for or just look at tbh, and also feels like u have no responsibility just bc ur older and seees himself as like the “leader” if the relationship and has a sense of duty to helping u and everything

Steers u away from trouble ASAP too it doesn’t matter if u can hold off on ur own, if he sees guys that just look mean he and u r walking the other way and ur like bro what?? And he just lies and is like I liked the sunset this direction or smmn and he doesn’t confide in u ab scary things

Bc yeah u can probably handle scary or threatening news but he’s not gna risk it regardless

If he’s rlly stressed ab something that can’t endanger u he won’t tell u that much ab it but might vaguely describe his predicament and looks to u for help and comfort and u just listen and he feels so much better afterwards and he’s telling u all this and ur just like mhm uh-huh :) and so he starts confiding in u more

But ruins it by going like “damn old ppl r good listeners 😆” and ur like STOPPPPPPP

Everyone in God Dog knows ur name age face and occupation bc he’s always talking ab u LMAO

When he was younger and didn’t have that much leniency with the law he made u his legal guardian so he can do what he wants and he tries to use u to get him to do stuf by pointing to u and going “they’re my legal guardian and they say I can drink all this!!” And ur like “no I absolutely do not???!!!!!” And he thought by doing that he’d get anytning but u prioritize his health 🙄 and he’s annoyed but secretly loves it and loves u doting on him nd worrying ab him and his well-being lol

In general, he rlly doesn’t care that ur older than him. His only big concern I. A relationship ever is how he can keep u safe bc he’s in pretty like tough stuff, and he’ll make fun of u but in all good fun and loves u sm

Thank you for the request, and thanks for the wish of luck <3 I’ll the my best w this blog!! I’m not that good at writing for Jake Kim, btw, because his character can kinda confuse me sometimes but he seems to be popular so I hope I get more requests of him so I can get his character down and write him properly. 💘I hope this was what u wanted 😭

#Lookism x reader #Goo x reader #Scott Kwon x reader #Jake Kim x reader #Goo Kim x reader

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muwur · 4 years

Note

Since requests were open I was wondering if I could request father headcanons for iwai + ushi + atsumu 🥺 btw your writing is vv tasty n I can’t wait to see you write more !! Keep up the good work n stay safe !!

haikyuu daddee headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for iwaizumi, ushijima, and atsumu

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.4k words

a/n: omg u called my writing taSTY Dx i cri tySM 💞 that is a high compliment for me AHAHAHAH ILY and ty for the request!

also my lovelies i m back i m sry i was gone so long feojfe i miss yall <3 here u go enjoi, this was fun to write lmk if yall want more characetrs AHAHA

current listen: accidentally in love by sHREK AAHAH jkjk i mean counting crows, they cant take that away from me by ella fitzgerald and louis armstrong, love the way you lie by eminem and rihanna

requests: open!

iwaizumi

✧ prePARED daddy

✧ picked up on this parenting thing p fast, also does a lot of research so he’s ready to face any situation

✧ teaches his kids how to behave n respect others

✧ also makes sure they know not to talk to strangers and teaches them some self defense

✧ be warned these kids are packing a surprise can of whOOP ASS,, dont fuck w them,, plus u wouldnt want buff daddee iwa on ur tail

✧ honestly his kids would be ANGELS ,,, n thats cuz he treats them all so w e l l

✧ mans is ATTENTIVE. he asks his kids about their days, their interests, and encourages discussion about their fEELINGS 🥺

✧ always offers them really valuable and light-hearted advice

✧ and gives them the love and transparency we all wanted but never had--

✧ however his kids are easily (n negatively) influenced esp when uncle oikawa comes to visit--

✧ but mostly bc iwa gets annoyed and slips out a lot of curse words and a “shittykawa” and then his kids started calling oikawa that and now it’s ingrained in them forever fjoefefgfvi (*distant phlattykawa crying noises*)

✧ gives them LOTS of head pats and ruffles as signs of affection

✧ PACKS THEIR SCHOOL LUNCHES and ensures they eat a balanced meal

✧ attends all their games/events,, will get a bit rowdy hype them up

✧ def lets his kids sleep with him when they’re having a bad night or woke up scared from a nightmare (and waits for them to fall asleep before going to sleep himself fojref)

✧ when they were babies he usually succeeded to get them to stop crying by pulling funny faces, showing them their favorite cartoons, or humming a lullaby

✧ when they get older,,, u bet iwa would be suPER protective esp when their kids start being iNtErEsTeD in other people

✧ you: “iwaizumi, they seem like a really nice kid, though”

✧ iwa: *sitting with you in the car, across the street from the ice cream parlor your child said they were at, and spying from the window* “you can’t trust everyone, of course they seem ‘nice,’ they just want our approval”

✧ definitely did not interrupt his child’s potential first kiss at their house’s doorstep by slamMINg the door open “sUDDENLY” cuz he “hEard TheIR vOicEs and THougHt TO lET them In”

✧ effectively traumatized both kids

✧ tho he felt bad after n u made him go apologize so he did (and he was forgiven, only if he agreed to never spy on them again--)

✧ doesn’t stop him from scrutinizing every person yalls kid introduces to you tho

✧ overall a super supportive dad, 11/10

ushijima

✧ ok dEF does not know much about parenting ,, at first

✧ stared at his child like ???nani when you both changed their first diaper

✧ also had plenty of staring contests with his babies ,,, called it bonding

✧ was curious and tasted baby food once,,, immediately regretted it

✧ once put a volleyball next to his child, who attempted to bite it, and took it as a sign that they liked it

✧ after sum time n practice, his mind becomes split between “how to volleyball” and “how to dad”

✧ catch him in the kitchen wearing an apron and whipping up his kids’ favorite smiley face pancakes 😤😤

✧ has an amazing ability to get his kids to stop crying, does really simple things like give them their favorite toy or place a gentle hand on their hand or attend to their needs (mans can tell if they want food or needa poop) and they calm down immediately

✧ carried them on his shoulders once and now they never stop asking him for shoulder rides (not that he minds anyway)

✧ if theres two kids he can probs carry one on each shoulder cuz cmon ,,, have u seen this man

✧ always goes to every performance/game/event his child takes part in

✧ man smiles so soft™ when he goes to the 1st grade play and sees his kid’s name in the program next to their role as “townsperson b” (next year, they upgraded to “singing carrot” in a play about the food pyramid)

✧ if his kid ends up enjoying volleyball, he will teach them e v e r y t h i n g they need to know

✧ but is overall super supportive of anything else his child pursues and doesn’t push anything onto them, would rather let them choose what they want to do

✧ had n o idea what to do when his kid asked him about the birds n the bees asfghkl

✧ couldnt sleep one night thinking about it and just randomly asks you while yall laying in bed in the dARk like “so our child asked me how babies are made and I told them they came from watermelon seeds” (you: 👁️👄👁️ “come again”)

✧ you: *at the grocery store with your child*

✧ child: *hands you watermelon* “I want a little brother!”

✧ you: “haha of course honey” 👁️👄👁️ what do i do (*later to ushijima* “duhfojhguf we needa get another baby i promised our child a younger brother fohurof” ; ushi: “wat” ; you: “itS YOUR FAULT”)

✧ yall eventually tell them not every watermelon can produce babies only really special ones that are really hard to get fhuoefkfotfi theyre not ready for the truth

✧ another great daddee, we stan

atsumu

✧ knew parenting was stressful esp with bABieS but was like eh it cant be that bad right

✧ think again

✧ g o o d b y e s l e e p

✧ develops phat bags under his eyes, responds with a weak “aha im fine just that parenting life and the kids ykNOW” whenever his teammates ask if he’s oKAY

✧ tried to tempt his kids to eat their mush baby food by trying it himself, nearly gagged but was able to say “eughh yuMM”

✧ loves to lift them high up in the air, even throws them up a little and nearly drops them (yall almost died from feAR but babie was having so much fun,,, yall agreed to be just a bit more careful)

✧ rlly bad at getting them to stop crying, gets very stressed when he’s exhausted every option he can think of then calls you over for some help/advice (you: *immediately calms them down* ; ratsumu: “how--”)

✧ calls up osamu a lot to ask him how to make food ,, then simps whenever his twin brother comes over and the kids are in love with this man and his cooking (”dad why cant you make stuff as yummy as this”)

✧ very affectionate with his kids, gives them lots of hugs and kisses on the forehead

✧ plays with them a lot! whether it’s sports, just dance, animal crossing, or UNO, yOU NAME IT WE PLAY IT

✧ also has no mercy when playing competitive video or board games,, has made them cry more than once LOL

✧ so sometimes he toned it down n let them win,, until his kids actually got better and DEMOLISH him every time

✧ is cool with his kids cursing, just as long as they don’t do it in front of their teachers LMAO

✧ plays innocent when he gets a call from school saying his kid was using ‘inappropriate language’ and is like “whaaat? my child? im not even sure where they learned that, maybe check if the other kids in class are saying those things, too--”

✧ reminisces how much nicer his kids were to him when they were younger and all the time they spent together,,, bc now that they reached their tEeNS they want alone time

✧ wants to be B) cool dad so he tries kinda hard, esp in front of their friends but his kid’s just like dad pls dofjrgjigtgro

✧ also very supportive of whatever his kids want to pursue and dedicates time to help them in whatever ways he can (whether that be to help them practice, make sure he can provide transportation, get them supplies, etc)

✧ always playfully competing with you to see who’s the “better” parent (you win by default)

✧ PROTECTIVE dad and will easily intimidate ANYONE who crosses his kids

✧ takes sum adjustment and mental resilience but daddee atsumu perseveres 😤 absolutely loves his kids and would do anything for them

#haikyuu x reader #iwaizumi x reader #ushijima x reader #atsumu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x you #haikyuu daddies #LOL #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi haijime x reader #ushijima wakatoshi x reader #ushijima wakatoshi #atsumu miya #ratsumu #atsumu miya x reader #haikyuu reader insert #requests

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btxtreads · 4 years

Text

ANOTHER TAG ASHJHJASD

extra long tag game (aka a tmi that no one particularly cares for)

tagged by @txthearteu

tagging @markhyucknorenminchenji @qtsoobin @beomberry @txtdiaries and other people who wanna do it idk

ONE

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

of course, none other than king943 hSJADJSAJHAS. He’s a little secret I’ll let you all in on: the first person I actually noticed in TXT was,,,,,,, Kang Taehyun hSDHJAHJSDAHSA but he wasn’t my bias. I just thought he was cute (also amused me bc my BTS bias was Taehyung and I found a guy named Taehyun cute), but I didn’t stan them then. I started stanning when I saw ONE DREAM.TXT where they talked to BTS and found them really cute and endearing. Looking into them, they were wild, and chaotic and so fun and also i got rEAAAALLY attached to Soobin. So here I am. There u go, my stanning story.

TWO

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

what’s your unrealistic goal for life?

becoming a famous actress or singer hJSHADJSA

if you had known that we would be in a global pandemic, what’s one thing that you would’ve done before things shut down (if they have for you)?

Went to a theme park. I miss going to theme parks 🥺

what’s an unconventional thing that you carry around with you when you go out?

hmmm most of the time i just go out with just my phone and money unless I need to bring a bag due to safety concerns/more items needed. So I’d say nothing unconventional.

favourite type of plushies and why?

God do I seem boring hsahsajjsa but i wasn’t too big on plushies. I had a gigantic teddy bear named Justin when I was a kid (it’s a bear with shades that my brother gave me) and I used to buy plushies whenever I’m in disneyland, it’s all in my sister’s reading lounge. The only plushie in my room now is a Mollang doll wearing like a blue shirt/dress, it’s my favorite rn It’s squishyyyy

favourite song right now?

right now, it’s Work It by Sabrina Carpenter.

something that you’ve always wanted to learn?

Dancing (i literally suck. i have no idea how. no joke), Vocal Lessons (had some lessons briefly for like a year but i stopped and want to take some again), music production, acting, hosting

tell a funny story about yourself (or just something that you’ve witnessed)

ok okok so one time in our class groupchat we were talking about class elections for officers. There were muse votes and some people were saying they want me to be the muse but i didnt want to bc i was busy with work. Then they started saying that they want me to be the muse and this guy that i rejected be the escort. while this is happening, i was simping hard for soobin in another chat. anyways, i got everything mixed up and accidentally sent the soobin simp stuff to the class chat and everyone thought i was simping for the classmate i rejected i was so asHAMED.

headphones or speakers? why?

speakers! idk i just like blastic the music loud.

craving any food right now? what are you craving?

anything with cheese

which music streaming platform do you prefer? why?

spotify since its free for me askjjksad someone pays for my subscription lmaooo

😌✌️

questions from cj to me:

android or apple? why?

APPLE because im loyal 😌 and i guess im just used to it so its easier to use for me + all my gadgets at home are mac

words of affirmation or physical affection? why?

I think there should be a good balance of both. The words will have the ability to give you this sense of comfort and satisfaction and you know just overall a peace of mind when you hear the right words??? and physical affection bc sometimes it’s just better to get a hug or a kiss isntead of talking yk? actions speak louder than words sometimes

bean bag or rocking chair? why?

Honestly, this would depend. If I’m reading a book and feeling very vintage with a hot cup of coffee, definitely a rocking chair. If I’m watching TV and basically just chilling I’d go for Bean Bag. I like maintaining the atmosphere.

do you view a half-filled glass as half-full or half-empty or an in-between? why? (go as deep as you can)

I view it as in-between, because there’s always room for improvement. There’s always things to change, and consider, and make better. There’s no such thing as perfect.

If someone were to grant your wish right now, what would it be and why?

Please stop corona right now and let everyone go back to their daily lives and please let me attend a TXT concert bls im begging on my kNEES

if someone were to give you anything you want right now, what would it be and why? (something that can be held)

Give me Soobin I just want to give him a hug. this is valid i can hold him

favorite season and why

Winter! Even if I’ve never experienced snow or winter before, the whole idea of snow is just really fun and endearing to me. One of my bucketlists is to see snow in real life. I think it has to do with the fact that I’ve always been this person to prefer the cold over heat.

what made you enter tumblr?

I’ve always been here! Just not in kpop tumblr. I’ve since deleted my old accounts and shame but i came back to write. It’s always been so stress-relieving to me, to write without any expectations on my back because I’m thinking about grades or a competition. Also Soobin simping is a daily thing and I gotta release it somewhere man

are you happy with where you are in life right now? why or why not?

Yes. I may not be the richest or the prettiest, or smartest or whatever, but I have a good family that loves me. I have good friends that support me and I have TXT and BTS to help me cope when things get overwhelming. I have a job that gives me a little bit of income (it’s not too common for college students here to get jobs like in the US, most of them just focus on acads) and all the means to continue my education amidst the pandemic. So really, I’m grateful for where I am now.

to see the boys in real life but for it to happen only once in your lifetime, or to meet the boys via online fan meeting as many times as you can in your lifetime? why?

Why do you have to do me dirty cj,,,,, prolly online. I may not get to hug them or anything but I get to talk to them still. As may times as I want to. And as a girl whose sanity literally just depends on Soobin giggles rn it’ll be very therapeutic to me to see them and talk to them as much as I could, even just through a screen.

QUESTIONS FROM ME TO YOU:

Cinema or Netflix? Why?

Fire or Rain? Why?

What’s the worst experience you’ve had as a KPOP stan?

How do you handle stress?

Favorite Disney Princess and why?

Which fictional character do you say you relate the most to?

How did you get into KPOP?

What kind of merch you got 👀

Would you date a KPOP idol? What would you do if you do date one? (doesnt have to be your bias, just wanna see what y’all would do)

Would you rather be with someone you love but doesn’t love you back or be with someone that loves yu but you don’t love them back? (Or, as the Filipinos would say, Mahal ko o Mahal Ako)

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

FOUR

PERSONAL

name: -

nickname: rina

birthday: -

zodiac: gemini

nationality: filipino

languages: english, filipino

gender: female

sexuality: straight

height: 5′2 like 2 years ago, i probably grew like an inch or two

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: --

meaning behind my url: bts and txt fanfics to read hasjhsahj

blog established: ,,,,, i cant remember askjjksdjkdsa but the blog is only a few months old!

followers: 384!!! love yall

FAVORITES

favourite animals: b u n n y y y y y

favourite books: CAMP HALF BLOOD SERIES BY RICK RIORDAN IM ZEUS’ DAUGHTER YALL

favourite colour: black, blue, purple

favourite fictional characters: Percy Jackson, Jaron from Ascendance Trilogy, Chimmy!!! hihi

favourite flower: white roses

favourite scent: coffee

favourite season: winter

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: 3-5 or 8-10.

cats or dogs: dogs because cats scare me

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: coffee!!! especially if it’s iced and sweet

current time: 12:21 AM

dream trip: California. Look I have the visa, pls miss rona. just leave so cali can just let me IN

dream job: actress or singer

hobbies: writing, reading, watching crackvids

hogwarts house: gryffindor

last movie watched: Work It (bc it has sabrina carpenter ahshsahsa i have low standards when we talk about Sabrina)

last song listened to: Helpless - Hamilton OBC

no. of blankets you sleep with: 1

random fact(s): if given the chance again, I would go on a date in high school. Also try to exert more effort in my appearance back then i looked like an honest to god M E S S (tbh i still do but now i have eyebrow liner on) hsajhsajhh

FIVE

10 things I can’t stop listening to (at the moment)

Run Away - TXT

Work It - Sabrina Carpenter

Euphoria - BTS

Song Cry - Yeonjun

Helpless - Hamilton OBC

Satisfied - Hamilton OBC

Journey to the past - Anastasia OBC

Lost in the Woods - Frozen OST

Perfect Song - Sabrina Carpenter

Friends - BTS

#tags #tagging #tagged yet again #sadjkjksdajad #what a mess #im so basic wtf

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mysteryofren · 4 years

Text

The First Order Will Be Finished

chapter 33 of So Happy Together

Masterlist

note: i feel like this is the worst chapter ive written but im sad the first order is going to be ending soon :( i also involved some real life events in here bc obi-wan would be a die hard blm activist. anakin is an all lives matter bastard i dont care what you say.

The day was finally here. Phasma was leaving tomorrow afternoon, and you all had 1 last day as a whole group.You all had slept over at your grandfather's house. You decided to stay there for the summer, and so did Elaine. Your grandfather was camping with you all, but he had to work so he wouldn't be able to help at Amilyns. You woke up and tiptoed out of your room. Peeking into his room you saw he was still in bed. He usually left for work at about 9. Looking at the clock on the wall you saw it was only 7:30. You walked to his bed and gently shook him awake.

“Good morning my dear.” he said through a yawn.

“Can I get the keys to the truck? We might need it to help Amilyn move furniture.”

“Of course they're in the den on the table beside my chair.” you nodded and went to get the keys when he called out to you.

“Come back.” you walked back to the bed beside him, and he grabbed your face and pulled you to him. He kissed your forehead, and smiled before laying back down.

“I love you pop pop.” you said.

“I love you too. Have fun, and i'll see you tonight.” you walked out the room and headed downstairs. You got to the den and saw Gideon sitting in his bed. He usually slept with you, but every now and then he would get up to walk around or go to his bed. He stood up once he saw you, and trotted over. You scratched him behind his ears, and grabbed the keys from the table. Gideon followed you as you walked outside. You picked up a stray ball and chucked it out towards the forest. He ran after it, and you continued walking to the shed. After you opened it you grabbed the tents you knew were in there. You walked over to your car, and placed them in the trunk. Going back you noticed Gideon had given up his ball and had begun chasing a squirrel. He ran around a tree trying to see where it had gone when he saw it he began baying at it. You walked over to him, and patted his back when he sat down and just looked up the tree. Going back to the shed you grabbed the sleeping bags that were also stored in the shed.

You weren't sure why he kept so many in the shed. When you camped as a kid there were only 3 of you, but he had 2 tents, and 6 sleeping bags. Maybe they just kept them around in case they lost some. After you had your car packed up you went back inside with Gideon. Your grandfather was in the kitchen eating cereal. He was in his pajamas and was scrolling through his phone.

“Have you seen all those protests happening recently?”

“Not really, I haven't been on social media lately, why what's happening?”

“Just another innocent man being murdered by police.” He held the phone up to you as you looked at the article.

“Thats horrible.”

“Yes I know. It seems as though not much has changed from when I was your age.” he had a sad look on his face. You walk over to him, and hug him before heading upstairs.

Once you reach your room you see Phasma and Elaine are still asleep. You wake them up, and let them know you guys are leaving in a few minutes. You go to your closet and look for something comfortable to wear. You pick out a pair of plain black leggings and a baseball t-shirt that used to belong to your dad. You walk out while Elaine, and Phas get dressed, and go downstairs to feed Gideon. He laid next to the cupboard where you kept his bowl. As you brought it down he perked up, and went to the spot where you kept his food. Before putting it down after filling it you crushed up his meds and sprinkled them over his food. You placed it down and he eagerly began eating. Grabbing his leash you walked to the den and picked up his dog bed. This was going to be Gideons first time camping with you, and you knew it would be a fun little surprise for him. You walked out of the house and put them in your car with the rest of the camping supplies.

When you came back in, Elaine and Phasma were downstairs already. You smiled as you asked them.

“You guys ready to go?” Phasma looked sad. You knew it was because it was her last day.

“I guess,” she replied. “I just don't want today to end. When I come back everything will be different.”

“It will be, but we won't be.” Elaine said as she hugged her. You all headed out to the truck and drove to the address Amilyn had given you for her new store front. It was deeper in the city, and was way bigger than her last place. It was on the corner of a building so it was the size of 2 stores. Perfect for how many patrons she had gotten since you met her. Once you got there you parked, and saw Hux was already there. You get out, and walk in with the girls and see him on a computer with Amilyn.

“Damn Red you got here fast.” Elaine teased him.

“He's helping me pick out art to hang in the cafe. Isn't he the sweetest?”

Phasma went over and patted his back. “He sure is.”

He smiled at her and kept looking with Amilyn. You saw some chairs stacked up by the door and went over and grabbed 3 of them and set them up by the couch. You all sat down and looked at art for about an hour before you heard a car pull up.

“Matt and Kylo must be here.” you said as you looked out the window. First it was the sound of 3 car doors closing that seemed weird. Then you saw 3 people get out of the car. Matt was the first to walk in. Then Kylo. to your dismay the last one to walk in was Ben. He smiled at you while he walked in. You smiled back knowing this was going to be the hardest day ever.

“Hey sorry we're late we had to stop at the store and get camping gear for us.” Matt said as he walked over to Elaine and kissed her.

“You guys are camping with us? I thought it was only you going with us for that.” you said to him as he finished greeting everyone else.

“Yeah. Mom heard me and Hux talking about it and told me to take them. I don't even think they want to be here.” Kylo was giving you a smirk that had Han written all over it.

“Oh I want to be there.” He said while still looking at you. Ben looked at him with anger in his eyes. He hit Kylos shoulder. Kylo looked at him and gave him a shrug.

“Alright, well, why don't we all get started while Hux keeps looking for art. Phasma, Matt, and whichever one of you is Kylo, help me get the curtains up over the window.” they all nodded and gathered together. She looked at Ben standing alone.

“I'm sorry I don't know your name.” she reached out to him to shake his hand, and he took it.

“Im Ben Ma’am.” he shook her hand and she smiled at him.

“Well, Ben, I have some ovens I need moved around in the kitchen. Do you think you could do that for me?”

“Course. I just need you to tell me where you need em” He responded.

“Alright Elaine, and Rose do you guys think you can set the tables up?”

“Yeah no problem.” Elaine said, You both walked over to set them up. Luckily they stayed built during the move. All you had to do was move them to their rightful places. Sadly there weren't enough tables to make the cafe look full.it was clear she was going to need more. You walked into the kitchen where she was helping Ben move the ovens around to let her know.

“I ordered some more yesterday. I'll just put them in whenever. Do you think you could help Ben finish this? I'm gonna see what else needs to be done.” you nodded and took her place helping Ben with moving the last oven.

“So you excited for tonight?” he asked as you both began to move the heavy object. You figured if you act civil the night will go by quick.

“Yeah. I just wish we had more time. All of us together. I'm worried about Hux going so far away.”

“He's gonna be fine. He's smart. I know Matts really scared about Elaine leaving.”

“Me too. We’ve been with each other for 4 years.”

“You were only in 8th grade when you got here?”

“Yeah it was before Luke did away with the middle school program.”

You guys finally got done moving the oven and went into the main area to help more. Surprisingly you guys didn't take most of the day to get everything done. Amilyn had given you a few more things to do before it was close to time for you all to go. You had gotten almost everything set up except the few tables that were missing and the art Hux had ordered. You all sat on the couches she had set up. You had ordered pizza for everyone and you all sat with each other and ate.

“So what are you all doing after this?” Amilyn asked as she bit into her slice.

“We're heading to my grandfather's house to pack up for tonight.” you answered.

“That sounds fun. I can't believe this is my last time having all 5 of you with me.”

“6 actually.” Kylo corrected.

“Oh yeah Kylo is a first order member now.” you informed Amilyn. Ben looked confused for a second before he spoke.

“Wait, he's a part of your group now? He's barely here!”

“Well all of us like him and he didnt fuck any of us over.” Elaine said passive aggressively while she took the last bite of her pizza into her mouth. Matt hit her shoulder and looked at her.

“Well it's true.” Ben looked sad for a second before going back to eating. You had told Amilyn what happened between you and him a long time ago so she knew what Elaine meant.

“So Kylo when do you go back to school?” Amilyn asked, trying to get to know the newest member.

“School starts again in august, but i'm going back in about 2 weeks.”

“Oh good, at least I have time to get to know you.” She smiled at him and he attempted to smile back, but didn’t do so well.

“Well I do have something I want to say.” Amilyn put her pizza down on the small table in front of the couches.

“I have never in my life met a group of such amazing men and women like you guys. Hux, you are so smart, and kind. You are nothing like your father, and you will always be better than him.” she said facing him. He got up from his spot next to you and walked around the table to hug her.

“Elaine. You're such an extraordinary young woman. You are so beautiful, and you're so talented. Your personality is the biggest I've seen ever in my life and I know you're going to do so many things with your life.” you looked to Elaine to see she was crying and hard. Matt held her while she cried and Amilyn continued.

“I never had kids with my husband. We never wanted any. You all are the closest thing to children I have, and I couldn't ask for a better group of kids to love.” at that point you all got up to go hug her. All of you piled onto her, with the exception of Kylo and Ben. Amilyn had started crying too at some point while you all held onto her.

“We love you amilyn. I don't know what I'm gonna do when I can't come here whenever I want.” Elaine said through her tears. You all got up, and you ran out to the truck to get your bag. You came back inside with it, and pulled out your camera. You handed it to Ben and grabbed Kylo's hand. You dragged him back over to where Amilyn was sitting. You sat him down, next to Amilyn, and sat next to her as well. Hux sat on the other side of you between the arm of the couch and you. Matt, Phasma, and Elaine got behind the couch, and crouched down to get in closer. You wrapped your arms around Hux, and Amilyn while smiling. Once Ben took the picture he handed it over to you.

The image developed, and you all looked at it. This was one of the last pictures you guys would take as a group. The last time you all would sit and talk with Amilyn. You handed the small photo over to her. You explained that you wanted her to have it to remember your last day as the first order with her. The last time she would have you all in one place together. The time came. You all had to leave. Amilyn had to go home to get some more paperwork done before she could officially open. You and the girls got into the truck, and Hux got into Matts car with him and the other boys. You began the drive back to your grandfather's house, and tried not to cry. It was 4 in the afternoon. By this time tomorrow. The first order will be finished.

tags: @wumboho @pylopenpolo @duty-isnt-always-honour

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poguesofthebau · 4 years

Note

yo um so i saw your ships and uh 👉👈 i may have been hella unholy today but i'd like one if they're still open 🥺😔 anyways i'm roxa, i'm bisexual, 5'1, i have fairly tanned skin, freckles, and curly brown hair. i surf, bake, and paint in my free time. im a history major and im pretty loud, got a nice chaotic energy following me around 😔 im a hopeless romantic but also way too committed to every relationship im a part of and im really bad at cutting people off 😔 anyways tyty :')

i can not express how gassed i was when i saw you send me a request. i fuckn LOVE YOUR BLOG (including all of the unholiness)

i ship you with kie!! (honorary mention that i touch upon more below: jj’s bestest friend probably ever, even more than john b. you two would definitely give off sibling vibes, like those two kids in middle school who somehow convinced the entire class that one of you was adopted into the other’s family? did y’all have those kids at your school or was that just me? idk but that’s you and jj regardless)

you were definitely running with the pogues before she made her way into the group. that chaotic energy of yours would definitely have attracted jj to you years ago, even before he and john b became friends, and you two would quickly become inseparable. like i said before, the kind of best friends that just radiate sibling energy. you two were always shoving each other around, slapping and punching and pinching, but the second anyone else looked at one of you wrong, it was war. when john b finally came into the picture a couple years later, you would sneak into the chateau during their sleepovers, raging against the power of all of your parents frowning upon co-ed slumber parties. after you doing it a few times, big john probably caught you hiding under the bed the boys were pretending to sleep in, but he just gave in, figuring that if you really wanted in that badly, that you at least deserved a chance to hang out with your friends. and then pope would come along a bit after those days, expanding those sleepovers a little more. (also, i would like to say that coming out as bisexual to the three of them would be the absolute most wholesome thing ever. not gonna go into that on this bc i’m already getting carried away, but just know it would be such a Pogue Hall of Fame night, and none of the four of you would ever forget that convo, ever)

now, i wish we knew when exactly the boys met kie, bc that would make this a lot more stable of a blurb, but let’s just pretend for now. let’s say you and the boys were in 7th grade at this point, and you were all starting to realize how much free reign over the island you really had. none of your parents cared much about where you spent your days as long as they got word every once in a while that none of you were dead, and that’s when you’d stumble across kie. jj and john b would have somehow convinced you and pope to go surfing, so you’d end up at the beach with your boards, but by the time you actually got there after a long walk, you were so unbelievably pissed off at jj that you wanted nothing to do with surfing anymore. he’d just been getting on your nerves the whole walk there, doing whatever annoying shit jj does, especially to a little sister figure, so you’d slam your board into the sand as soon as you reached it, sitting on it and flipping up your hood to let them know you wouldn’t be going into the water with them. “are you seriously not gonna come in now? don’t be a baby, you know i’m just fucking with you!” you didn’t notice her, but as jj began to argue with you, kie was a few yards away listening in. “fuck you, jj. just go get in the water. you wanna surf so bad, then go fuckin’ surfing. i don’t want anything to do with you right now.” kind of harsh, but the two of you always were when you fought. pope and john b, knowing this, had barely flinched when you’d stopped in the sand, and were now paddling out to start catching waves. “fine, dude. be dramatic. suit yourself, but don’t complain later that you didn’t get to surf!” with that, jj was running off to catch up with the others, leaving you to draw lines in the sand until they came back. “you really let him talk to you like that?” kie’s voice scared the shit out of you, making you jump a little before you settled again after seeing the girl tower over you. “he kind of seems like a douche. and he definitely shouldn’t be talking to a girl, or anyone, for that matter, like he just did to you.” you’d look at her with interest before chuckling. “that’s just jj,” you’d explain, causing her unimpressed expression to morph into a confused one. “he’s like my brother. we’ve been best friends forever, and he can be an asshole but he doesn’t really mean it. he just pisses me off sometimes. are you-- is that garbage?” finally, you noticed the half-filled trash bag in her glove-clad hands. she nodded, dropping the bag down next to her feet before she sat in the sand in front of you. “yeah, i’m trying to pick up some of the shit the high school kids leave behind after their parties. and, just so you know, even someone who’s like a brother to you shouldn’t treat you like that.” sliding over so that half your board was exposed, you patted the spot for her to sit on. “an earth girl. interesting, for this island-- i didn’t think anyone really cared about the environment around here. and if it really bothers you that much, you should hang around and meet jj and the others when they come back. maybe you can give him a taste of his own medicine, since i apparently don’t know how.” kie would smile at that, a glint in her eye that told you she would be sticking around for more than just the day. “i would love to. you really seem like you could use a protector, and i think i’m just the girl for the job. so, you surf?”

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blue-hi · 4 years

Text

i’ve been awake since 4:30 am and it’s 9:00 now so i need to get this out because it’s been months and i havent been able to spit the whole thing out and i need to SAY something so i think i’ll jst yell into the void so

thanks

ive had insomnia since at least mid october. cant really remember now when it started. i’d keep waking up in th emiddle of the night, always around 2 or 3 am and it would take ages to get back to sleep.

ive never been one for all nighters and i like getting a full night’s sleep and all of a sudden i wasn;t getting it and for no reason too. this scared me. it still scares me. i reached out to my mom for idk emotional support??? i didn’t want to be alone

“this happens to other people too” started out as a way to help but the way she said it sounded like she was dismissing me and what was happening. like it would all clear up soon so i had no reason to bother her

then the week before halloween almost all my classes assigned projects or had a test and they were all assigned at the same time at the end of the week and were all due at the same time on halloween. the saturday before halloween and after i got all the assignments i slept particularly awfully and i just broke down in th emiddle of the library. like all day and i couldn’t stop. that scared me even more bc if it happened once it can happen again

im terrified. that’s the core of the issue

that day my mom and aunt got me a plane ticket to fly home for the next weekend to see if being home would fix things. we even had a doctor’s appointment it didn’t fix anything. the doctor told me things i already knew but also decided i had generalized anxiety disorder and that was why i couldn;t sleep even though i wasn;t scared until after it started and i slept terribly that night again. i was hysterical. i still had no idea why i couldn’t sleep i shouldn’t have paced that loud in the hallway but yeah i wanted attention i felt alone. maybe it was selfish but i just wanted a hug and i knew then i was in for the long haul and i didn’t want to be afraid AND be alone but my mom just yelled at me (which she had the right to i was being not-great) and i felt i was burdening her. that’s when i realized she either can’t or won’t be there with me or both

i went to the counselor at my school and i just vented. not all of this but some of it and i had other problems at the time like my major and some classes but those had all worked themselves out by the end of november i also went to the health center and got a little bottle of this drug called hydroxyzine and that started helping a little bit. i was taking tylenol pm every night before that and apparently this was something stronger

then thanksgiving rolled around and i was still having some issues. one thing i remember most vividly is twin and i were going to drive to our dad’s house for the day. normally i drive but i handed the keys to twin because i hadn’t slept well and didn’t feel like driving. my mom noticed and asked why i didn’t want to drive and i SHOULD have lied and said that i wanted twin to practice but i told he truth and said i felt too tired to drive and she rolled her eyes at me later in the break one morning she asked me how i slept again and i said poorly and i was still half asleep but i swear she scoffed

then i knew i REALLY couldn;t expect her to help me. not even with the sleeping but just with support.

i went back to the school counselor (different person though) and! my mom still doesn’t know about that visit. she doesn;t know that counselor said that insomnia sometimes predates depression symptoms. should i tell her that? that’s also terrifying. i managed to get out of high school without really any mental illness issues so i;m a lucky one but that’s what i’m scared about going forward

i feel like it’s not as serious as it feels and that no i don’t have anxiety and no i don’t have depression (yet) and that i should just suck it up until i do but also i can have emotions because i;m a fucking person and ‘m allowed to tell people about them without feeling like a burden or a fake bc god forbid i have a single negative emotion in front of someone. i’ve always been a “good girl low maintenance child” and FUCK that

weirdly i started to sleep well during finals week and these past 2 weeks on break too but i think that’s because the hydroxyzine started to kick in. except oops now my supply is low and i have about a week or two left until i completely run out and the little bottle says NO REFILLS LEFT so i have to figure out how to get more for the semester last night i tried to go to bed without taking one to see if i’ve gotten any better. news flash nothing’s changed without it and now everything that had gone away in the last 3 weeks all the anxiety and hopelessness and tiredness and terror all came back last night and right now i feel like i;m back in the library again bc i can’t stop crying

what if i can’t get more before the semester starts?? if i’m like this during break what’ll happen when i have to stress again?

i came downstairs at 8 to do organic chemistry on khan academy because if i can’t sleep then i might as well do something productive. mom came down to get ready for work and she saw me and asked me if i was upset about not sleeping again

i was an idiot and said yeah - that’s what i hate too. i want to be honest about mental health with people and how i’m doing but to stop this i need to lie to her. now i’ll always be fine! and she never has to know if i;m in a bad way just as she likes it and i feel a w f u l about it. it makes be feel petty and petulant but i’m non confrontational. i want to tell her everything i;ve written here and just be so honest she has to listen to me instead of dismissing me every time but every time she asks i clam up and i failed again this morning she accused me of wanting to feel scared because “i hadn’t tried everything yet”. she and family members for christmas sent me some things that are supposed to help like a light developed by insomniacs or a winter light and i really do appreciate all of it, but they all came when the medicine was working so i didn’t NEED it. last night was different because i am a scientist and am my own guinea pig and i wanted to see what would happen if i didn’t take the drugs. i’ll use all of that tonight in Phase 2 of the Worst Experiment Ever but she wouldn’t LISTEN to me when i said that either.

now i’ll just say nothing. why should she know it’s only caused both of us stress. i wish she would take this (insomnia! depression!! mental health woo!) as seriously as she took my acne when i was 12. still now if i have a zit she feels entitled to touch my face. do you wanna know how you can help??? stay away from me and don’t wonder why i kind of want to tell her. she’s coming back home in a couple of hours bc it’s new year’s eve and i might still be in a state who knows but i’ll choke again and she’ll yell at me again and nothing will have changed

people have asked me how my semester went and “it’s been a shitty one,” i wanna say but normally i just say that i’m glad it’s over only for my parents to swoop in and say “it can’t have been all that bad i mean you did well with your grades in the end” like !! i pulled that B in physics out of my ass! just because i did ok academically because i’m lucky and good at school doesn’t mean my health was great! my dad can’t help me either because i’ll say that my mental health recently isn’t as good as it could be and he just goes “aww sweetie.” and that’s it. nothing else. thanks dad. i know you don’t know what to do with that information and i don’t fault you for that because emotions have never taken precedence in either household (except for all the curse words i learned from my mom when she’s inconvenienced)

all of this and i still don’t know why i can’t sleep normally

thanks for reading this fkn novel all of this has been on my chest for a LONG time and i haven’t had the chance to say any of it and if i get the chance i’m afraid i’ll forget something (i probably did here, too). i truly mean thank you. this has been cathartic to write, even though i still need to go to a counselor or something. i hope your new year (and decade!) is bright

#i don't know what else to say or do

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ambitionsource · 5 years

Text

S1 Rewatch: Lena’s Take [1.07]

whew! what an episode! also, i hope it’s no trouble that i send my rewatches in a day late... sorry!

favourite scene: this episode has SO many good scenes... my god. I have to say the paint balloon war scene, though, just for the a) pure chaotic energy and b) good character moments. farkle getting absolutely HAMMERED with paint balloons. isadora screaming war cries (if you imagine this scene without music it would be HILARIOUS), riley being so scared of getting hit she pulls a me back in third grade playing dodgeball. dylan taking a dramatic slow mo paint balloon to the chest. zay and charlie working perfectly together as a tactical team 🥺, ending with both of them absolutely MUCKING lucas as he tries to choose between the revolution and his blooming feelings for riley.... they have NO time for straight nonsense. plus charlie having an ANEURSYM when zay literally HUGS him is so funny (i literally said out loud “charlie sweetie”)... the “intricate rituals that allow you to touch the skin of other men” energy it has... WERE YOU AWARE THAT I LOVE THEM? a good scene on so many comedic and emotional levels! it really demonstrates the boxes the students are stuck in, and how hard they’re going to have to work to get out of them by the end of this ep, and, on a larger scale, the end of the season.... the Nuances.

favourite performance: the amount of ICONIC performances this episode makes it SO HARD TO CHOOSE! maya leading the performers with team.... riley’s melodramatic but still heart-wrenching rendition of cry and you cry alone... farkle’s emotional struggles showcased in control... honestly, it’s a so close for me between thnks fr th mmrs and come out and play... but despite the incredible power of thnks fr th mmrs and the fact that i LOVE the techies’ family dynamic the MOST, especially when they perform together because it’s so few and far between, i have to give it to come out and play. a) i LOVE that song, b) it undercurrents my favourite scene in the episode.... and c) its a zc duet. im SORRY but like i think it serves REALLY well to highlight the frustrations and core of the scenes: a taunting, frustrated battle between two sides who want nothing more than to be kept separated. also, for two characters who still don’t know each other SUPER well... zc really work excellently as a team, directly contradicting the isolation and separation from others they both discussed feeling last episode... They CLICK... n that hug.... i love them so much. however i must point out the POWER thnks fr th mmrs has to be led by dylan and asher. like PLEASE. theyre baby. i love them so much and the joy pumped into my soul whenever asher gets to sing? unmatched.

favourite character this ep: lucas fucking friar ABSOLUTELY RULED this episode. king stomps back into school in his giant stompy boots and stages a giant stompy revolution. lucas’ ability to just show up and throw places into chaos is WONDERFUL, and focusing on it means he ran this episode. outnumbered by enemies and returning late, he staged a full-fledged week-long revolution... and it was successful. he also had some of the best lines this episode, and i love how, despite the fact that he pretends not to care about ANYTHING, he has such a dedication to his friends that makes it only obvious how much he actually cares about everything. this episode was lucas in his element, showcasing the way he’s softening around riley (i LOVE they) and how steadfast and determined he is in his beliefs, stances, and endeavours. lucas cares, okay? he cares a LOT. i love lucas a lot and if i had more energy i would go into an unnervingly deep psychoanalysis of him... but i don’t, so i’ll say i love him the MOST and i’ll leave it at that.

favourite line: lucas: It’s like they say, you know. “If we burn, you burn with us.” That’s classic literature, right? jack, deadpan: The Hunger Games. | also “white nonsense”. EXCELLENT, zay.

an underrated moment: yindra and nigel being absolutely iconic this episode. the two of them plus jade are the three side characters i feel unfairly attached to. the moment where they go to meet lucas and isadora to straight up say they’re tired of the bullshit.. they were actually real standouts this episode and it really goes to show how much main character drama effects the sise characters, which isn’t discussed very much and is ALWAYS nice and refreshing to see. plus nigel as mulligan made my little heart sing.... HIS BREAK DANCE JUMP UP!! get nigel on america’s got talent, i DARE YOU.

something i missed the first time around: FARKLE STARTING TO RANT AT ISADORA WHEN HE FEELS UNFAIRLY TARGETED, FORESHADOWING HIS DIVA MELTDOWN IN THE FINALE... BRILLIANT. ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT. we get a subtle warning that we do NOT heed. i also think i overlooked how clearly farkle’s mental health issues are showcased this episode, which improve as he gets friends later on, but are ripped wide open again in the finale.

first impression vs your reread impression: loved it both times, more this time. this episode is a major turning point for the main conflict of the season (techie & performer divide) and is SO goddamn intense, especially with the end scene... the bit where we get shots of EVERYONE alone on their phones, ensuring it could be anyone at school? INCREDIBLE. SHOWSTOPPING. love love loved this ep.

literally NO TROUBLE AT ALL lena dear, we love to read them regardless of when you send!! the fact that you’re being so diligent about participating is like impactful as it is <3 and lucky us bc your thoughts are always so GOOD. i literally don’t even know where to start because you just said so many good things. what i WILL say is that you may get the chance to talk to nigel or yindra or jade v soon... and also i WILL be looking forward to that deep psychoanalysis of lucas james sometime in the future,, but SHOUT OUT to you pointing out another foreshadowing moment... but also ma’am your descriptions of things are just so poetic. like where is your aaa fandom blog in the fake aaa universe so i can follow and reblog all your meta posts as the seasons unfold being like damn... yeah... points were made,,,,

#S1 reread #S2 countdown #submission #its the truth luv! its the truth!

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fmddevin · 5 years

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woosh !! so i was trying to keep my ooc identity a surprise until now, but apparently i was stupid and y’all found out before i could get this up so...yay!! anyways, i’ll try to keep this short and simple! i’m jada, and this is my second baby, and the last for a while - mr. daein “devin” kim! he’s 23, the lead vocal & lead dancer of impulse, and an overall mess. he’s got a lot to work out, but i’m excited to see what i can do with him and how he grows & develop! he’s a little more on the chaotic side than micha is, but don’t let it scare you off! i swear i’ve got a plot page coming really soon, like tomorrow, but in the meantime - here’s his profile & bio! i’m more than happy to plot with you, though, so like this for me to hop in your ims!! trivia & some hawaii event ideas / general plot ideas under the cut.~

ok let’s get this started!! i promise to try to make this short & sweet as possible (but you know i’m jada so-). but before i wrote daein’s profile i made like a....3 page bullet summary of what i wanted him to be, so i’m going to be inputting some of those here!! so if it sounds a bit rambly...you know why!

if you’re just here for the event thread ideas, scroll down towards the end, where hawaii event ideas is in bold! <3

born on march 24th, 1996!

parents koreans from seoul, korea. met through a study abroad program @ their college, fell in love with each other and the us! had baby daein, who got plopped in the middle of tampa, florida!

his whooooole childhood felt like he was living in isolation. being one f the only asian-american kids on the block, he definitely felt like an outsider. when he’d bring kimbap, kimchi, or tteokbokki for lunch, they’d always look at him all confused like?? what is that

it made him sad bc he always had felt like his different was a good thing, and he’d been raised to be proud of his culture, but apparently not??

as a sidenote kid misheard his name in middle school and was like “devin?” and he was like “sure that’s it” and started going by that outside of home ever since bc it made him feel more american

just throughout his whole childhood he was ridiculed for being different, which was really the start of his obsession with other’s satisfaction and being like everyone else!

so he took matters into his own hands, but in the worst way possible. during this time, he went against everything his parents had taught him and essentially rejected his korean culture. he stopped bothering to learn the tidbits of korean they were trying to teach him, never brought up his culture, and kind of distanced himself from his parents. he always was trying to bring up some excuse for why they couldn’t come to events because he was always embarrassed about their english and how different they all looked compared to everybody else. just...not a good time and his parents were very upset w/him

anyways onto happy times!! middle school was when he discovered his passion for dance, hip hop in particular. he would always be so amazed by the dancers at the boardwalk performing and decided that’s what he wanted to do!!

sOooOo he originally started off as being self-taught through videos on youtube, but eventually his parents agreed to let him dance if he a.) promised it wouldn’t mess up his grades and b.) he paid for them his own

and he did!! it was Hard but he made sure his grades were in check & picked up a part-time job at the ice cream parlor near his house to get money. it was minimum wage and he had to wear a cheesy apron with this ice cream cone hat but anyways

he could only afford one lesson a week at the community dance center, but it taught him a lot!!! where he discovered his true passion for dance, and tbh spent more time there than anywhere else

eventually!! he joined a florida dance crew and that’s when his skills really blossomed and people started taking him seriously, basically was there until the beginning of high school

tw: drug and alcohol addiction!

and then high school is when it...all came crashing down. being such a people pleaser, he fell victim to peer pressure. he was scared of being looked down again, because by now he’d formed a name for himself and was pretty popular. so, to continue blending in, started getting heavily into drinking and drugs and just...not good, because he grew really dependent on it and started losing his enthusiasm for everything else. it’s something he continues to struggle with a lot, although it’s mostly drinking nowadays and the only drug he’s involved with on a regular basis is weed?? but he has relapsed and that’s a major reason he needs people around him to keep him stable!!

also the dance team wouldn’t let him back in bc he failed the drug test and his drug spiral just got worse because he had nothing else to focus his energy on.

it was the only thing that really made him feel something other than dance, and now that he was spending all of his money on it he couldn’t even do that.

tw: drug and alcohol addiction - end!

he partially discovered his love for singing after the months he had to go w/o dancing. he really started to enjoy it but only in private because he was Embarrased of what others would think so

his parents were tired of his bs because he was a junior now and they were basically like we’re tired of the people we hang around and you need to be around family, so for spring break they sent him to seoul!!

boy was hEated alr. like i said, wasn’t a fan of his culture, he had to leave his friends who were all going on fun trips, & he knew NOTHING - not the language, the people, anything.

but when he got there??? kind of actually enjoyed it. he got to meet family he’d never met before, picked up a little of the language, all of that. but hongdae??? - that’s what made him really excited.

he never thought of korea to be a very exciting place, until he went there. there were so many other talented dancers and he felt so at home, but unlike in florida, they looked like him!

so this is where it gets a little funny lmao. his family refused to fund his habits but he wanted to go to a club while he was there to have fun and impress girl??? so basically, he went to hongdae, and tried busking for some extra cash. and he LOVED IT!! for a reference he freestyled to turn up the music by chris brown lol

and it was real fun!! he genuinely had a really good time - but right before he left some random ass man left him a little slip, and he was like ??? and then he asked him his name, and daein barely understood what he said and in english was like “hey i’m devin??” and when the man realized he was like yes!! and daein was like no??? but took the slip anyways and turns out it was an invitation to a gold star audition!!

the second daein read it said kpop he essentially was like “lmao no” and just threw it in his bag. so he went home, and kind of forgot about it all, until a few months after he got home. things weren’t really looking up for him and he really wanted to continue his dance career, he just didn’t know how. he didn’t get accepted to the college he wanted to because of that time his grades had plummeted, and it was hard to land a stable dance job. & his parents were like look if you don’t make this dance thing happen we’re going to throw you into a business job with a suit and tie u need money

and daein!! hates!! corporate!! so he was like hell no and decided to give this idol thing one last chance

so - he submitted a video audition to gold star, and low and behold!! he made it!!

even though this was his saving grace, he really didn’t know what to do about it. because i mean he loved tampa, and he didn’t want to leave?? but when his parents heard the opportunity they were ELATED because they knew dance was the only thing that really put his focus on good things & they wanted him to be in korea with his family and all that. so!! they were like DO IT. and he really had no other choice so he was like uhhhh i guess

flash forward to the end of may!! right after the end of his junior year of school in tampa, he moved to korea to start training. since he had a pretty good experience during spring break of the year before, he expected his life to be better than he’d expected!! but...it was really hard. since he had to live there, and he was only 16, he felt really lost w/o his parents, and his only real family there were his grandparents and cousins he barely every said hi to so that sucked

tw: depression and light substance abuse!

around this time was when he developed signs of depression, just as he started training. because it was when he really discovered that he couldn’t please everybody, something that he’d strived to do his whole life.

he lacked a support system & didn’t have anyone really close to him to make the transition better, since his parents were back in florida and he could barely hold a conversation with his family in korea. this is a big reason he remained dependent on drinking especially, because it got him out of his funk and to temporarily forget about all that was going on.

because of it, daein started getting less sleep, eating less, and all that. gold star noticed it really soon and got him in touch with a psychiatrist, which, eventually diagnosed him with depression. but it’s not something he goes around telling everyone, he has some evident signs but he probably wouldn’t openly tell more than a couple really close & trusted friends. but gold star has been monitoring his mental health to make sure he’s okay mentally. he takes medication but?? it doesn’t do him much good but they’re always hounding him about it so

like i said though, he’s a very independent person so he doesn’t like to feel like he’s a burden, which is why he doesn’t want others to know because he feels like they’re gonna pity him!!

tw: depression and light substance abuse! - end

bc of his more tan skin (back in the day from florida, not really anymore) and broken korean, he felt like a foreigner, but also people would mistake him for having korean nationality whenever they would talk to him. so he felt like he couldn’t really fit either mold, because he was out of place in korea and florida. but!! i digress

he felt like he was kind of thrust into who’s next: origin story because by the time it started he had only been a trainee for...4 months?? like it’s crazy & he clearly wasn’t ready, a major reason for him being on the losing end, but he had the loveable foreigner thing going on so he did get a good fanbase!! even though he was criticized for his short training period

i doubt he was a favorite among the trainees because he’s REEEEEALLY introverted,,, especially in social situations where he’s not the most comfortable with people in so i don’t think he was super talkative.

a big reason he has trouble on variety shows now!! it’s not that he doesn’t like but they’ve kind of turned it into a “mysterious” thing, which is fine to him if it mean he doesn’t have to talk as much

also he hated it because he constantly had to dodge staff & other trainees whenever he wanted to drink or smoke so he was probably always trying to find a way to sneak out when they had any kind of free time

he got a lotlotlot better at singing during training though, though they’re kind of forcing an unnatural tone for his voice which is making him strain and can’t be good for him in the long run but marketing!! so. anyways he loves singing a lot more than he did before, he’d always expected to be just a dancer but they unleashed his potential so!! that’s one thing he really enjoyed about training

basically he’s been marketed as the “sexy foreigner” and he kinda hates it ngl. because while he never was attached to his korean identity, the more he’s been here the more he’s just wanted to be the same as everybody else?? so that’s not helping with anything. he’s always kind of laughed at for being clueless when a joke flies over his head, made to say things in english ALL THE TIME, just all that. it really gets on his nerves bc nowadays he just wants to blend in and they’re not making it any better!!!

it may sound confusing but basically: as a teen he rejected his korean identity to blend in with everyone in florida, now he’s in korea and wants to be known as less of an american to blend it. it all comes down to him wanting to be like everyone else is nearly every aspect!!

since he feels like he cheated & got to debut way too easy than some others, he’s been trying to develop his creative and performance skills so he can get more credit and make a name for himself due to his actual abilities rather than just,, him being american lmao!! also trying super super hard to get as good as he can at korean

tw: drug and alcohol addiction!

he still has some trouble getting around & he still feels lost, but he’s trying his best. struggling through his alcohol addiction, which bc is mildly aware about but really trying to keep quiet and he’s been on the verge of leaving more than a few times. but as quiet as he is about it, he really relies on his members a lot to keep himself afloat!! so he appreciates them putting through his shit a lot of the time more than he'll admit.

tw: drug and alcohol addiction! - end

but rn he’s getting better, slightly, focusing more of his energy into music than anything. he really wants to get into the songwriting industry to get a name for himself on his own instead of just being known for impulse!!

just as a fyi since it’s a bit confusing his birth name is daein, he went by devin when he lived in america, but he goes by daein again now that he’s in korea, but his stage name is still devin and that’s what his friends from america call him. he prefers to be called daein nowadays, though, so that’s probably the safest best!

also this has not been short at all but anyways

hawaii plots!

he likes to drink & get high way too much and what better place than to do that then on vacation?? he’s been trying to stop, but look, it’s vacation and he’s unwinding and if your muse is down they can both have fun!!

such. an. introvert. even more than micha, because 80% of his interactions by choice come from his group?? but i would love to get him some new friends (especially since he literally has none right now lol)

he’s a bit of a hoe ngl so!! hookups are accepted, that’s the one time he’s not afraid of striking up conversation!!

he’s in the red team so like micha, if you’re members in the red team he could use some buddies to be with!!

someone to explore the island with during the night!

general plots!

he lives in an apartment my himself atm, but a roommate would be lovely!! he needs someone to put him out of his funk, anyways.

drinking buddies ofc

trainee friends? someone who wasn’t put off by him being super quiet and befriended it and he’s super grateful nowadays?

give me all the angst & romance because he’s a handful, seriously, phew

besties!! someone that makes him soft and happy bc there are few people who make him super happy & excited, so someone fill in the gap!

#omg i queuef this for 6 aM whY #i was like...i guess nobody sees it??#ugh i'm real stupid #( & ooc. )#drugs tw #alocohol tw #depression tw #< - both are labeled within the post if you wanna skip past their mentions!#pls don't let him flop #i'll rb this tomorrow since this is a really weird time to post!#this is so embarrassing omg

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missfeisty199 · 5 years

Note

could I get somethin angsty/bittersweet/fluffy for friendlypack? im not feelin too great and your little drabbles are always really nice. it can be of whatever au you guys talk about or just normal friendlypack I don't mind. if youre too busy tho I understand

Aww, anon! D: Sorry you’re not feeling great!

Here’s a very short drabble of the Dads AU, something sweet and fluffy to make you feel better -3- ~

Tagging: @gay-spaghetti bc this is really her AU :3

——

Jimmy and Stan have been talking it over with each other for months now, making absolutely sure that this is something they could afford to do. They’ve been going back and forth discussing it. Would this be worth it in the end? Would they be satisfied with the outcome? Would they be willing to go out of their comfort zone with this?

Most importantly, how would Tessa react to this? Would this be something that she’d be okay with as well?

After all, this is about her.

They felt rather guilty for keeping this a secret from her, but it’s for the best.

However, once Friday has arrived, it wouldn’t have to be a secret anymore.

The three of them are sitting at the kitchen table eating their dinner as usual, where Stan has made sure to cook Tessa’s favorite meal; lasagna. After about a while of them just eating, Stan is the one who speaks up first.

“Tessandra,” he begins, “your father and I…well….we have some news for you.”

“News that’s very important and involves all three of us,” Jimmy adds in.

Tessa, having heard the serious tone in both of her fathers’ voices, anxiously glances back and forth between Jimmy and Stan. “W-what is it? I-is it something….bad?”

“We’ll let you decide if it is, sweetie,” Stan replies.

“Are we going to move far away from here?” Tessa asks.

No answer.

“Are you two…getting a divorce?”

No answer.

“Am……am I being taken back t-to…to the foster h-home? B-but it’ll only b-be a year since y-you’ve brought me h-home.” Tessa’s voice begins to crack, and she’s close to tears, until Stan and Jimmy put an end to her worry within seconds upon seeing their daughter distressed.

“No, sweet pea. That’s not it,” Jimmy says.

“None of those things are it,” Stan continues. “We’ll let this say it all.” He gets up from the table and makes his way to one of the drawers of the kitchen. Stan opens it, pulling out what seems like some papers folded in half.

Tessa couldn’t see what they said or what kind of papers they are because they looked blank to her.

Stan returns to his seat and hands the papers to Tessa. “Have a look at them,” he tells her.

Both Jimmy and Stan could see that Tessa’s hand was shaking as she took the papers from Stan. They watched in still breaths as she unfolded the papers. They observed as she read whatever was on them over, waiting for her reaction.

Finally, they received it.

Tessa’s eyes widened, and her jaw dropped at what she was looking at:

3 Disneyland Resort park tickets….and they were dated for tomorrow.

“SURPRISE!” both Jimmy and Stan exclaimed simultaneously, grinning wide at their daughter.

Tessa places the papers gently on the table, away from any bits or scraps of food that might accidentally dirty the admissions tickets. She quickly gets out of her seat from the table and rushes to hug both of her fathers individually, who in return hug her back just as lovingly.

“WE’RE GOING TO DISNEYLAND TOMORROW!!!!!”, she practically squeals from immense joy.

“It’s a reward, for you doing such a good job at keeping up your grades in school,” Stan says.

“And,” Jimmy adds on, “it’s also our one-year-anniversary gift for you, to mark one amazing year of you being our ray of sunshine.”

Tessa is finished with hugging her fathers, and she returns to her seat with a grin that stretches out her entire face. Then, her smile shrinks a small bit, and she glances at Stan and Jimmy. She shakes her head before letting out a soft giggle. “I love you two so much…but, next time you both want to surprise me, don’t start out by making me scared.”

Both of the men now chuckle at their daughter. “We had to really play the role for the surprise,” Jimmy says. “It was all we could think of to get your attention.”

“But we promise not to scare you like that again in the future, sweetie,” Stan replies.

#asks #anon asks #hope this made you feel better anon!!!!!! :3 #friendlypack dad au #drabble #my writing

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skizmin · 6 years

Text

Ravenclaw Woojin

genre: fluff of course, sorta?? enemies to lovers but?? not really???, an adamant y/n and a soft woojin,,,, none of the other members appear which i didnt even realise until i finished

okay so woojin is ravenclaws most trusted prefect as hes the eldest one and literally does The Most to make himself available for others

seriously once he asked the defence against the dark arts professor for a 2 week extension on his assignment so he could tutor 5 people for the upcoming charms exam

like,,,,,,,, damn

anyway so you actually do this extended course of charms, youre in the same class as woojin and for some reason??? the fact that hes so naturally good at it pisses you off

especially when youre falling slightly behind in that class

okay a LOt behind

your like,, only friend in that class is dropping it next term to focus on her divination classes and she doesn’t get it either but it doesnt affect her grades not nearly as much as it affects yours.

shes all “dude just ask for woojin to tutor you” and youre like

No NO no

no way are you being tutored by kim woojin. the idea just embarrasses you

you’re usually fine with getting help from peers but woojin?? everyone goes to him for tutoring and you sorta just dont??? wanna put yourself into that group???

you feel like it makes you inferior to him for some reason which is the worst feeling ever

(even tho you totally arent bc youre beating him in potions anyway)

anyway so its a wednesday morning and the class is about to end to allow the students to go have breakfast (you know how extended courses are out of normal school times ye??)

you’re tired as fuck

confused as fuck

hungry as fuck

everything as fuck

but then “y/n!” called you to your senses and you stopped packing your things

your professor had just called you up, an ancient tiny little man who was apart of the great battle of hogwarts some time ago

“yes sir?”

“come here would you?”

you shoved your ink jar into your bag and nodded, walking out from behind your desk and saying bye to your friend who was leaving already

god she really did hate this class you thought lmao

the majority of the students were still packing their things away in a slow drawl probably instigated by the dim, sleepy light of the chilly morning

“anything i can help you with?” you awkwardly asked your professor who smiled at you, stepping down from his place standing on books to look up at you

“yes actually, ive noticed you’re falling behind.”

you cringed, hard, not even wanting to turn around and see who was watching

“i suggest you get a tutor if you wanna get an A for this semester, y/n.”

“sir, i don’t have time to be tutored!”

“well then i guess you’re going to fail this course y/n. just be tutored enough to catch you up on the syllabus and then i can help you with the rest, okay?”

you internally groaned. this was bad

“you’re smart, it’ll only be about 2 weeks before youre caught up. im sure theres plenty of people that would tutor you.”

you nodded and politely fare-welled the teacher before turning to walk out of the classroom

the classroom was surprisingly empty, and you were happy to see that, not really excited about your professor sharing the fact that you were failing the course

sighing to yourself, you walked out of the door, planning to go meet your friends in the great hall

“hey! wait! y/n!”

you whipped around, half scared to death

the halls were practically empty yet

there was kim woojin

standing right next to the doorway you had just exited

your head tipped back. had he really been standing there the whole time?

“do you wanna meet tonight or something? we can go to the library?”

you gave him a pointed stare

“what? why?”

woojin was a little taken aback, he grew smaller under your gaze.

“oh, so i can- you know, tutor you? i heard you were behind by a bit.”

he looked almost embarrassed at how you were responding to his offer as you sharpened your gaze on him

“i dont need you to tutor me. i can find someone else.”

and with that you left a frowning, dumbfounded woojin standing in the hallway as you stalked off to the great hall

stupid woojin

who did he think he was asking you to meet him in the library

surely you can catch up on your own, you really dont need his help. you’re like, shaking your head lmao

smh

but anyway, the end of the day comes and you grab all these phat stacks of parchment and take you study charm books to the library and sit at the farthest ever table away from literally everyone

you start studying properties of all the spells youve learnt this second term

you get to the third spell, aparecium, one youve been having a lot of trouble remembering

you groaned, looking up in your book what exactly the spell meant and remembering it was in fact a revealing charm and you didnt have any pages with invisible ink on them.

you began flipping further into the book, trying to find the incantation for concealing ink writing so you could practise

“h-here.”

you fuCKING LEAPED IN YOUR SEAT

BITCH TF

THAT SCARED YOu oh my god what was he doing here

“s-sorry for scaring you b-but, its got concealed writing on it so you can, like- practise?”

he sounded sorta hopeful as he slid the paper over to you, hands nervously twining with each other in front of him afterwards

your pride was getting to you tho so

“i’m good at that spell, i don’t need to practise it.”

woojin blinked and squinted at you a little, trying to figure out whether or not you were lying

“ooookayyyy. anyway, anything else you want help with? i can explain it a little bit for you?”

you resisted the MASSIVE urge to roll your eyes at him

we get it, youre good at this

“im okay, thanks.”

you expect woojin to leave then, and it seems he does too as he stutters in his movement before clenching his eyes shut

“do you not l-like me or something? or did i-, did i do something to you?” he peeked an eye open to gauge your reaction

he looked almost

scared?

oh no, oh no

what was this guilt? you could feel your glare softening in an instant

why are you liKE THIS

“n-no! i dont!” you stuttered out a reply, eyes widening slightly

and then, he smiled. and he smiled wide

you felt blinded almost, your heart started palpitating. so this is what it was like to have woojin smile at you, and you only.

you were fucked

“oh! okay then! sorry i just-, i just thought i’d annoyed you or something so..” he trailed off, tapping his shoe on the ground suddenly very interested in the lamp on the library desk

“anyway!” he spoke up again. “i’ll uh, i’ll leave you to it. and don’t forget to practise aparecium. it’ll be on the next test for sure.” he grinned at you again and you sorta maybe might have felt heat crawling to your cheeks.

“t-thanks woojin.”

he nodded at you, still smiling before leaving

you banged your head on the table, what in the world was that interaction

whilst burying your face in your hands you noticed he had left the enchanted paper with you, you shrugged

might as well use it, right?

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, shit

1 and a half hours later yu were groaning out of pure frustration with yourself. no matter how perfectly you practised the incantation or how directly you swished your wand at the page, nothing appeared

no writing or anything

you were beginning to wonder if woojin gave you the right piece of parchment, that this was the one with the invisible ink

you shook your head, looking at the clock closest to you and deciding it was too late to be studying and that your brain mustnt be working right,

you packed up your stuff and went back to your dorm, making sure to get as good a sleep as possible because you had another extension charms lesson tomorrow morning

,,,

anyway so you woke up late in the morning with a sore neck and red eyes.

this was Not Good

quickly tugging on your robes and frantically shoving things into your bag whilst brushing your teeth you rushed out of you dormitory and ran all the way to the charms classroom

you ran in out of breath, your professor looking at you with an unimpressed look. “glad to see you could make it y/n.” he drawled before turning back to the blackboard

you whined as you saw him writing a test warning for 2 weeks time, sleepily stumping your way over to your friend who was laughing at you loudly

unpacking your things, you glanced around the room. eyes landing on woojin who had a hand resting under his chin staring right back at you

your cheeks went a bit red when he smiled at you, giving you a small wave before turning his head to the board again

your friend next to you shoved you a little bit, when your turned your head you face her she simply mouthed an i saw that

you rolled your eyes and paid attention to the rest of the lesson without any distractions

anddddd thennnnnn it was over

you blinked, your notes were cleaner today than usual

“hey, y/n!” you looked up to find woojin standing in front of your desk, toothy grin on his face as per usual

your heart sorta skipped a beat before you were able to tell it not to

“hey woojin :))” you smiled, trying your best to sound friendly whilst not looking like an absolute fool

he sorta squinted at you a bit before “so uh, how was studying?”

it was your turn to look at him sceptically this time

“it was,,,,,, good??” you questioned, unsure of how to respond

woojins smile sorta falters before coming back with a somewhat sad lilt to it

“ah, right. well i gotta go. my friends are waiting.” and with that he nodded at you and left

you were confused as fuck

well, that was certainly weird

anyway, for the next week and 3 days, woojin completely avoided you

you’d be fine with this of course if you hadnt gotten that little soft spot for him a while back

it sorta hurt when your smiled at him and he sorta just sadly smiled back and looked away, or if you were gonna say hi to him he’d scurry away before one word could leave your mouth

you were really down about it honestly

bUT you also didnt have time to worry about it

your test was in FOUR. DAYS.

AND you had studied everything else to the best of your ability apaRT from the revealing charm, aparecium.

you wanted to cry, no one could explain it well enough to you and you could say the incantation right bc everyone spoke too fast and apparently you had to use it MULTIPLE times on the tes to maKE QUESTIONS APPEAR.

QUESTIONS

INVISIBLE QUESTIONS THAT COUNT TOWARDS YOUR MARK

basically, you were having a mental breakdown and you knew there was only one person left to try and explain it to you

kim woojin

again, he was A V O I D I N G Y O U

which made you angry bc you neED TO GET AN A

anyway, so your class on a tuesday was an afternoon class and you sorta just planned to corner him there after class

flitwick usually left 10 minutes early to arrive at his choir practises on time and put a charm on the door so no student could leave early

so the time comes, the bells ring and students rush out of the class you go and lie in their beds or whatever most teenagers do nowadays

and you make your way over to woojin’s desk as he packs up his things, he was always the last to leave

you coughed to get his attention, when he looked up his eyes widened

“i need your help.” you stated, eyes boring into his, you could swear you saw pink flush over his cheeks

“im uh, im busy. sorry y/n-”

“just one charm? please? i really need it, no one else can explain it.”

woojins eyes softened and he bit his lip. he was contemplating.

“okay.” you smiled at him widely “lets try now, okay?”

you nodded, placing you bag down and grabbing out some enchanted pieces of parchemnt, including the one he gave you

you sat down next to him and he look confused

“whats the paper for?”

“the aparecium charm.” you replied simply, turning to face him

a look of realisation dawned over his face

“i thought you said you were good at that charm?” he muttered

you looked at him weird, why was he acting so strange?

“i lied, i didnt want help back then but i do now. so,”

and then he grinned widely, taking a piece of paper that wasnt the one he gave you and telling you to watch closely

“aparecium.” he said, clearly. swishing his wand almost expertly

you looked at the paper in front of you and saw the writing of hello appear on it in your cursive handwriting

you looked up at him in aw.

“can you say it again? slowly? i dont think im pronouncing it right.”

woojin giggled

G I G G L E D

and repeated himself, clear and slow. you nodded at him, taking a random piece of paper and clearing your throat

“wait!” woojin yelped “use this one!”

you furrowed your brows as he shoved the piece of paper he gave you in the library in front of you

“uh, okay?” you replied, glancing up at his smile

clearing your throat again, you swished you wand and spoke clearly. “aparecium.”

nothing happened to the paper and you groaned loudly

“oh, y/n, your pronunciation is perfect. its the swish thats wrong.”

you bored your eyes into him “what?”

“youre doing it this way. youre supposed to do it this way” he flourished his wand to demonstarte to you the wrong doing

you still furrowed your brow, not really seeing the difference between the two

“here, i’ll show you”

o hMY GOD HE

HE JUST GRABBED YOUR HAND HOLY SHIT

SIRENS CALL THE AMBULANCE

YOU REALLY ALMOST CHOKED ON AIR

suddenly you felt fire all over. red surely covering your face as you tried to concentrate but holY SHIT

“okay so youre going like this.” he moved your hand in his own, making out the movement you made before

“but you should be doing this.”

o h

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh

now you get it

you wanted to bang your head on the table for being so dumb about it

“oH RIGHT! woojin you’re literally a life saver!”

he laughed again, retracting his hand from yours as red splashed over his cheeks and onto his ears

“well, go on! try it!

you smiled, looking down at the paper and saying a strong and clear incantation whilst moving your wand exactly how woojin showed you to

you squeALED in excitement as ink dotted onto the page!

you grabbed woojin by the forearm and raised it above both of your heads in celebration

he laughed and cheered along with you before you settled down, beginning your massive thank you speech.

“seriously i couldnt have done it without your help i could have faile-”

“y/n, read it.” woojin smiled at you

“what?” you replied, confused

“read the parchment.”

eyebrows furrowing once again you looked down at the parchment with now visible ink

do you wanna maybe go to hogsmeade with me this weekend?

your eyes widened

no way

no way no way no way

you snapped your eyes up to meet his

this is why he avoided you! he thought youd rejected him in such a selfish cold hearted way!

“i’ve uh, actually liked you for a while. we missed last weekend but im down to go next weekend if you want?”

“i- i, i mean, y-you! of course! i’ll go with you, yeah! oh my god i am so sorry you mustve thought i was such a bitch i shouldnt have lied im an awf-”

oh my fUCKING GOD

CODE FUCKING RED HIS HANDS WHERE ON YOUR CHEEKS

AND HIS LIPS ON YOURS

BREATHING? WHOS SHE

your eyes clenched shut as you reached to grab the front of his robes, kissing him back

you felt so goddamn dizzy, your mind cloudy at the absolute bliss of the feeling of his lips and how they moved against yours

he started smiling against you and had to pull away, his eyes glimmering and heart beating out of his chest

“i’ll pick you up at your dorms at 10, okay?”

god, youve never smiled harder.

224 notes · View notes

diaryofalonegirl · 2 years

Text

Dear Diary 1/17/22

Monday,January 17.

This is my first time writing a Diary, It feels odd. The 19th is my birthday. I hope i can write more tomorrow. I felt like i needed to write more. ok,bye. I plan on keeping the diary for a year. I Feel scared for our upcoming test, since i didn't study nor finish my essay.. Tomorrow I have school. Keeping a diary is kinda boring. Blah blah blah. I just gonna write what pops up in my head. Also if anyone reads this or something. Its 2022, 8:41 pm and I'm in 7th grade. I love this girl. I'm just gonna say her initials for privacy reasons. I.P is really beautiful. I've been wondering if i should kiss her or just give her a peck on the cheek. I'm gonna write about her alot. I'm currently reading the Diary of Anne Frank. Hence the reason i'm writing this Diary lol. I'm also watching the movie. OH. I FORGOT TO SAY MY DAD BOUGHT ME A CUTE COMPUTER CASE. its very big and could probably hold my books. Its 8:47. Now its 8.48. I have a science test. I should probably study. Also i gotta read up to 120 pages of that diary for my D.E.A.R reading. The book can get boring at times. MAybe i should keep a paper diary…

Edit: ( made at 9.03 pm) Idk if i should take off I.P's initials since she’s the only girl with those initials in that grade. Anyways, I think ill tell her to come to the bathroom then i give her a peck on the cheek. Also we saw spiderman no way home today. May dies in the film. Im lesbian but Tobey maugire is kinda cute haha. Also the case is pink. Writing a diary is fun, i can say shit about everyone and they wont know haha! OK lets start with my class. 7A bc there are two 7th grades. Let’s start with my friends. Ill be using their initials for some. Micheal. G is a boy i used to annoy the 2nd grade but now we are friends, he’s SUPER tall and kinda fat… he wears glasses and in the honor’s math. Basically math for smart kids. I'm not in it. I hate myself for that. Then there is Sara.S (im spelling her name wrong just for some extra privacy) i think she is autistic or has ADHD, she is really nice but cant sit still, she’s one of my friends, she is currently out sick for i think 3 weeks now or something. She likes sailor moon, cats, dragons and roblox. And boy does she read! Then there is Anna T. Anna acts a bit like Taylor, my old friend, she loves plants and has some names for them, she has them in her room, she likes island in the sun and I'm starting to like,like her if you know what i mean… I really love I.P but im starting to have some feelings for Anna. me and I.P are girlfriends, i feel bad for liking Anna… Anyways lets move on to the rest of the class. We got abigail. S who is very neat. I envy her. She is so clean and she looks perfect. Next we have Mattie or Matelynn who does not like being called that so we all call her mattie. She is the only red head as well as lefty in our class. She writes perfectly and plays soccer, Im jealous of her hand writing. Next we have honor. Honor and mattie are a brew for trouble, they are chatterboxes I swear. I have for some reason slowly gained popularity among the popular girls. Ima call em pops. For the pops we got

Lauren. C

Mattie. W

HOnor . B

Carissa. M

Addie. T

And Sasha. P

Let's talk about lauren. She has brownish blonde hair and brown eyes. She is really skinny, i'm jealous of her. I don't know much about her academic stuff. She is not in honors. I dont know alot about her bc i rarely talk to the pops. Ok now we have Addie. I think she or they or whatever they are is gender fluid or maybe not, she acts femine and more masculine sometimes. Something that i see in myself as a gender queer person. Ok lets not get into gender rn. They are big, like me, but a lot prettier and they do cheer. THey are bffs with sasha and they are failing in math class, i think their math grade was 56% last time I heard from them. Sasha is a fat short girl who i can't tell is latin american or not. She has brown eyes and brownish blonde hair but also tanner-ish skin. I think she has some South american in her decent. Especially because of her last name. Which I will not say here. NOw we got Carrissa, she is really sweet. Sometimes I feel like she could become one of us normal people if she wasnt with the pops, like on the inside she’s really just a plain person like me, i don't mean this in a bad way. I feel like she is just there to fill in a gap between the pops wall, although maybe im wrong? Idk bc im not really in the pop circle. Carrissa is fat like me, maybe a bit skinnier. SHe has blue eyes and brown light hair. You should see 7A and 7B pops at the lunch table during study hall, they are a lot. Ill cover the boys tomorrow. Lets move onto the 7B girls

Edit: i forgot emma. G. she is shy-ish and sweet, she always had a sty that would never go away in her eye. She has blue eyes and blonde-brown hair. She is friends with Ashley. L, Olivia. B and Abigail. S and Rebbeca. L.

Olivia. B

Mariana. M (pop)

Emme. M

Lea.F

Allie. O

Raf. A

Rebbeca. L

Megan. N

Am i forgetting anyone? Also im getting tired, so ill write tomorrow. I gotta go read my Dear. so i dont get in trouble with Mrs. rock tomorrow. Write tomorrow? What was I thinking ?1 Hey its 9:50pm, I just love writing to you, I wish you were a person I could blab all my secrets to. I think i have a dead spot in my room, when i'm on my bed google docs doesn't work, when im on my rocking chair on the other side it does? Weird. Anyways, I wish i knew Anne Frank. I saw some entry in her book about getting her clothes back from her friends after the war… if only she knew she’d died, it breaks my heart. Wait, what if I die young?! Im really thirsty, alos idk if i should ask for a diary for my birthday, but i would hate to have to transfer all this to the paper diary :(. I must start reading now, or ill be in trouble from mrs. rock. I used to hate her but shes not too bad now. Im going to Gwynedd Mercy high school. Oh god if future me doesn't go ill cry, im scared… will i go? THe thing about this diary is that i can never publish it, i talk trash about some many people i might hurt their feelings. Should i start my entries with that sappy Dearest Diary stuff? I like the song someone purer by mystery jets, its sad but good. Ok Diary I really gotta read now, Ur addicting but my grade is gonna drop if i dont read.

I wanna read Anne of Green gables next. afterAnne's diary. Why not read about a red haired orphan?

THats Anne of Green gables!

Heres anne Frank

She is so pretty.

Here’s my favorite actress from the 1940’s, I have a crush on her

She’s beautiful.

Dear Diary, Ill write more tomorrow, I must go read now (im trying out that 1800’s diary stuff hah)

Dear Diary, I am ready to twist my grandma’s head off, it’s 10:32, I’m trying to sleep and she won’t stop

Praying out loud, I want to sleep!!

I was thinking of giving you a name, so that I feel connected to you better, I like a friend. Should I ? My grandma won’t stop praying, I’m ready to superglue her mouth shut! Oh, dear diary. I am sad, I want a journal so badly, this digital is ok but you don’t know how badly I want a paper one :(, I heard my grandma say my dads name in her “praying” it sounds more like she’s dissing him. Oh diary, I have more, remember when I wrote the 1800’s diary stuff? I will keep doing it, it makes me feel closer to you. I’ll call you peony, the flower for Beauty, because peony makes me think of Isa.P or I.P as I used to call her. I love her, I want to kiss her. Dear Diary, please help me have the courage too kiss her.

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bvckst · 7 years

Text

70 horrible questions

tagged by @kookno

1. do you have a good relationship with your parents?

kind of. my dad and i are pretty close, and my mom and i used to be really distant, but we’re starting to get more in touch with each other.

2. who did you last say “i love you” to?

i think either my grandmother or my best friend syd.

3. do you regret anything?

yeah like every single decision i make. my life is nothing but second-guessing every action i take.

4. are you insecure?

incredibly so.

5. what is your relationship status?

hopelessly single.

6. how do you want to die?

ok so this is going to sound really weird but my cousin and i have thought very deeply about this. we decided that we either want to become immortal (like technology evolves enough to make us live forever without getting old) or we want to die relatively young bc we don’t want to be old. that sounds really really bad but dude if we’re both immortal then we won’t be lonely.

7. what did you last eat?

raspberries.

8. played any sports?

yeah i used to play soccer and i was really good at it.

9. do you bite your nails?

yes, to the point that they bleed, and it’s really annoying.

10. when was your last physical fight?

in elementary school on the first day in T.A.G. class a girl kept teasing me and messing with me and stuff so i punched her in the stomach.

11. do you like someone?

yeah but im p sure i don’t even register to her.

12. have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

yeah finals week b.

13. do you hate anyone at the moment?

yeah a lot of people i have this bad habit of disliking people at the drop of a hat. too cynical.

14. do you miss someone?

yeah, my aunt moved really far away and we used to be super duper close.

15. have any pets?

yeah man two mastiffs ( gimli and daisy ) and two cats ( buddy and luna ) who are completely unrelated but have the exact same markings and are really hard to tell apart for strangers.

16. how exactly are you feeling at the moment?

excited bc i’m hanging out with friends tomorrow.

17. ever made out in the bathroom.

never made out period mate. a little too far for me.

18. are you scared of spiders?

i have a very hot and cold relationship with spiders. i understand that they are benign and i try to let them go their own way but if one happens to get too close or is a bit bigger than i’d like it to be i will not stop until it is gone.

19. would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

i mean not forever bc the past doesn’t like gay people but for a brief period of time hells yeah ur talking to a major history nerd i couldn’t resist.

20. where was the last place you snogged someone?

christ never.

21. what are your plans for this weekend?

hanging out with friends and buying a swim suit.

22. do you want to have kids? how many?

no not at all sorry dad but there are no kids in the future for me.

23. do you have piercings? how many?

just my ears.

24. what is/are/were your best subject(s)?

really all of them but my favorites are math and science.

25. do you miss anyone from your past?

no i think i’ve moved on.

26. what are you craving right now?

chick fil a.

27. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

a few times maybe, but one of them i don’t feel bad about bc he was stalking me.

28. have you ever been cheated on?

yeah in elementary school lmao.

29. have you ever made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

idk probably i’m a shitting gf i think i don’t know not a lot of experience.

30. what’s irritating you right now?

my sister had her friend over and they were up until 5:30 in the morning shouting and they kept me up all fucking night and i would have slept in except my dad woke me up to check if i was still alive.

31. does somebody love you?

i mean yeah like my friends and my family. def hate myself though.

32. what is your favorite color?

ok legit i do not know this is a serious problem for me i like a lot of colors like blue and green and yellow i can’t decide on a favorite.

33. do you have trust issues?

yes and no. i feel like a lot of people have ulterior motives bc i’ve been around a lot of people like that but i’m also willing to open up if i know it’ll help someone.

34. who/what was your last dream about?

i dreamed that my grandmother was best friends with the chinese president.

35. who was the last person you cried in front of?

idk i cry every fucking day i think i got in a fight with my dad and started crying bc i’m a crybaby.

36. do you have out second chances too easily?

yeah i think so. i mean i’m still suspicious of the person but i allow them to try and make it up.

37. is it easier to forgive or forget?

forget, i’m bad at forgiving so i try to just block it out.

38. is this year the best year of your life?

yeah i think so. i’ve picked up a lot of the things i used to love, and i’m a lot happier than i used to be.

39. how old were you when you had your first kiss?

i think i was it third grade and this kid we called vampire kid ( he bit people ) dragged me underneath a bush by my leg and forced me to kiss him.

40. have you ever walked outside completely naked?

dude no wth.

51. favorite food?

pasta, chicken, potatoes, sushi. don’t make me choose.

52. do you believe everything happens for a reason?

nahhh i don’t think so. i believe in science and science is random and meaningless but also patterns and meticulous. i think that everything is explainable but that doesn’t mean everything has a purpose.

53. what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

watched blackfish for the 75th time.

54. is cheating ever okay?

nah b down with cheaters.

55. are you mean?

i don’t think i’m mean, i’m somewhat brash and i like to tease but i’ve never intentionally tried to belittle someone or cause someone pain. plus i’d never have the courage to be mean to someone, i’m too scared of everything ever.

56. how many people have you fist fought?

none i’m small. i have wrestled with my cousin skye though but i always lose.

57. do you believe in true love?

nope i think you can love someone with all your heart and still it might not work out. love is someone you have to work for.

58. favorite weather?

sunny and 65.

59. do you like the snow?

yeah bc it means i get a snow day.

60. do you wanna get married?

idk man like i don’t see a reason for it because i don’t think you need a piece of paper to validate your relationship but i do think that if you wanna get married that’s totally chill.

61. is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

platonically yeah, i love it.

62. what makes you happy?

idk my friends, painting without reason, books, nature, the beach. a lot of simple things make me happy.

63. would you change your name?

no i don’t like my name but it’s still MY name, and i don’t think any other name would fit me.

64. would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

we’re talking abt vamp boy so yeah, hella hard.

65. your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

politely turn them down bc i’m gay. however this scenario wouldn’t ever happen bc my best friend of the opposite sex is also gay.

66. do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act like your complete self around?

yeah several. i think i’m very much myself nowadays, i’m not as afraid to be myself as i used to be.

67. who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

my dad?

68. who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

probably my grandmother talking we like to yell abt how much we hate trump.

69. do you believe in soulmates?

no i think you can have deep connections with multiple people.

70. is there anyone you would die for?

honestly i’m really scared of dying, but there are still a few people i would. especially my little sister, because i’m always worried about her.

i tag @3cbx @tencafe @softheartae @overdevv @shinee-prism @namjoone @dreamscript @jeon-gguk @amartae

#tag #mine #mutuals

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edrecoveryprobs · 7 years

Text

RE: Anons (finally!!) 1-8

In this post:

#2: How to handle surgery-related diets

#4: our fave recovery blogs

#5: dealing with bullying about vitiligo

#8: Recovering through the transition to college + how to challenge romanticizing ED thoughts

[CW behavior mention]

1. hi, sorry to bother you but I'm nervous I might have an eating disorder? I've been hospitalized for malnutrition in the past, but I just wasn't eating enough. the behaviors now are like binge purge restrict so on so on. I've been eating about [x] calories a day now because I want to lose weight without binging/ purging. should i tell someone about this, or is this normal?

FAQ #3 but yes definitely tell someone who can help!

2. I have to have a endoscopy/colonoscopy in a few weeks, and the prep for it has me completely on edge. In order to have the procedure done, I have to eat a restricted diet for a week, not eat for [x amount of time], and then take a super powerful laxative. My doctor also recommended I go on a weight loss diet, even though I'm still at a healthy BMI. After being recovered for several years, I've been struggling with a relapse, and I'm afraid that this will push me over the edge. Any tips on how to deal?

Sorry this is so late! Here’s advice for anyone else in your situation.

First, tell your doctor! Ask which elements of this are most important, and which can be worked around. Your ED is a complicating condition, so they should really know about it -- they’re treating YOU, not just your colon.

Second, give your laxatives to someone you trust, preferably someone who lives with you. If you can, enlist their support with mealtimes as well. If you get really sad at the end of the meal bc you can feel yourself falling back into that old place, that’s okay. Have them remind you that this is temporary, and that food is not as black-and-white as your ED wants it to be. Cede responsibility for figuring out your intake to this trusted person. Also -- make sure no one lets you know your weight at any point! Perhaps they can tell you when you’re back at your normal weight but that’s it!! The less you can obsessively track, the better.

Third, get into therapy NOW. Once this diet is over and everything gets quiet is when the ED stuff really starts to hit. I find that usually my recovery phase is ½ as long as my restrictive phase if I’m in therapy, and 2x as long if I’m not.

Fourth, acknowledge that this is unusually difficult and that struggling with a difficult thing doesn’t negate all the work you’ve been doing for years. You’ve built a solid foundation that has a good chance of keeping you stable through this rough time, and even if that starts to crack you have those same foundation-building skills to get it back to good.

I hope things went well for you <3

3. your blog always makes me feel valid and safe. thank you.

You’re so welcome! I’m glad it helps <3

4. Hey!! Do you know of any other positive recovery blogs? Im too scared to look in the tags bc they're full of pro ana things :( I love your blog, thank you!!! ❤❤

Fyoured was my fave, idk if they’re still active though! There’s also scienceofeds but that’s mostly summarizing current medical literature on it. Edreocoverystarfish and clinicallydepressedpug are also great! You can also check out our reblog tag

5. I've been suffering from vitiligo practically my whole life and it's something that affects me both psychically and emotionally. My brother often makes fun of me because of it, his favourite name for me is ''Michael Jackson"

That’s so shitty of him. If it helps, siblings tend to be rather shitty as they’re growing up, because it usually takes like 15-20 years to learn the basic emotional skills it takes to really be there for someone you love. Some people (especially masculine-identified people because of the social penalties associated) take longer to learn or never do at all. That’s not your fault.

For what it’s worth, siblings tend to make fun of whatever your biggest insecurities are, because humans learn how to affect others’ emotions before they learn how to affect them positively. Mine was acne for a while, especially since I struggle with dermatillomania (skin-picking) -- my siblings would wait for a Papa John’s commercial of a pepperoni pizza, point to it, and say “hey look, it’s Selena! HA HA HA!!”. My sister was really insecure about her hair being parted exactly down the middle, so my other sister and I would make fun of her for that. What I mean to say is, it’s not about the vitiligo. It’s about your brother not having learned yet how to NOT be a rude little shit.

Also, there’s no absolute that different colored patches of skin are ugly or bad. Calico cats are so cute! Freckles are adorable! Winnie Harlow is so talented! Find reminders in your life and/or online that different isn’t bad, and that this difference can be jaw-droppingly gorgeous or heart-breakingly adorable or lovably cute. It’s all about how you wear it.

And finally, know that love is always a choice -- including self-love. Rather, it is a combination of tons of small choices. Am I treating myself with love? Do I talk to myself lovingly, the way I would talk to a friend who was in my situation? Do I appreciate what my skin does for me, pigment or no pigment? Am I cultivating a life full of things and people that validate that love? It’s hard at first, it always is, but once you start it becomes a really awesome habit. Here is a great place to start (adjust pronouns as appropriate).

Sending you lots of love <3

[CW poop mention]

6. Hi, this incredibly embarrassing, but I recently experienced some personal trauma and so I am having problems with eating... Mostly restrictive and the inability to swallow some foods. However, I am having some digestive problems, mostly issues with skid marks. I was wondering if this is common and if there is a remedy for it... This is the first time I have experienced something like this. Sorry.

First, I really honestly don’t think anyone goes through their life without ever getting skid marks lol so you’re not a freak at all. I get them from time to time and I don’t really have digestive problems. Usually it just means I need to eat more fiber or adjust the balance of my diet. Also, this might sound weird, but anal kegels might help! The anal ring is all muscles, after all, and if restricting is a problem then all muscles have probably atrophied a little bit, including those. And finally, it might just be bad toilet paper. There’s lots of kinds that are practically useless and turn into a pulpy mess instead of doing their damn job. If you’re at home, consider getting stronger toilet paper (2-ply etc) or carrying baby wipes in a purse or backpack. Black underwear can also help with the insecurity aspect.

7. I love your blog so much! It helps knowing what other people are going through while making it a little humorous. Stay awesome!!

:D will do!

[CW romanticizing relapse, negative body image] 8. I have been battling with my ed for [x amount of time] now. In [y]th grade I got so tiny, I felt so pretty. I had never been skinny until then. I gained a lot of weight from being on so many medications, and now I am at an average weight but I am so unhappy with my body. I still struggle with purging and skipping meals. I start college this fall and I am terrified that I am going to let ana control me since no one will notice. I just want to feel beautiful and I know I wont until I'm tiny…

Something I’ve been going through recently is trying to lovingly remind myself when these thoughts pop up: I’m not believing this stuff because it’s true, I believe it because I’m literally crazy. It’s somewhat counterintuitive, but those beliefs can really take ahold of you if you take them seriously. But it’s just a symptom of the mental illness you know you already have. It’s like if you were prone to visual or audial hallucinations -- they feel real. They look real. They sound real. Of course you’d believe there are lions chasing you right now, because all of the senses you usually trust are indicating that that’s true. But also, if you can use the knowledge you have to try to see past them, you can actually interact much better with your environment.

Facts: you feel unhappy with your body. You still struggle with disordered behaviors. You start college this fall. College represents a big challenge to your ability to keep ana under control.

Beliefs: I can’t feel good unless I am thin. I can’t help but do what my ED says. I must keep this all a secret. I can’t get any help.

In the past 5 years, there have been times you’ve felt happy. Even when you weren’t thin. State memory means it’s hard to think of times you’ve felt differently, but it’s just a fact about human brains that we can’t feel one feeling for very long without switching it up.

Also, I guarantee you that you weren’t happy then. It’s so easy to romanticize thinness -- we see thinness romanticized literally ad nauseam -- but it’s such an empty feeling to be stuck in your ED. It’s so hopeless. It feels so crappy to walk into a restaurant with your friends, to see them all laughing and having fun when all you can think about is how terrifying it is to order food and how much you want to run away. When I really think about how awful each moment is with an ED, how I’m constantly either freaking out about eating or dreading the next time I’ll have to eat, how I had to numb myself constantly because reality felt so bleak.... Thin just isn’t worth it.

And let’s be clear: thin isn’t pretty. It’s just thin. Thin people CAN be pretty, but so can people of size, and so can very muscular people, and so can people whose body shape is more average. And eating disorders will make you thin at the expense of everything your body needs to maintain itself. It’s like insisting that houses are only thin if they have columns out front, so you hack off the front door, peel off the siding, pry up all the furniture, and stack up this pile of garbage to make some columns. You’re better off with a column-less but functioning house than one full of holes and empty inside.

Before you get to college, look up the mental health resources. Sign up for counseling through your school ASAP!!! Counseling tends to fill up as midterms approach, so this way you’ll be covered in case things go downhill later. Also, TELL people you trust. This you must do even if everything in you screams not to, because everything in you will scream not to, because your ED brain is actually trying to kill you. The more trusted people you tell, the less you have to fight it on your own, and the more resources you have to fight it. ALSO, see if there is an ED support group or a body positivity group on campus. Being around people who can gently call out disordered thoughts is a huge relief! And finally, explore other things that make you feel beautiful. Some people like makeup, and seeing how much of appearance is just illusion. Some feel beautiful when they know that they are strong and agile. Experiment with your clothing. Cut or dye your hair. Now is the time to test out different styles, and those are so much more fun to work on than calorie counting.

Lastly, you have more to do than be tiny. Mice are tiny. 5 cent candies are tiny. Pinky toe nails are tiny. What can you do that’s new? That helps you learn? That’s helpful? That’s exciting? Ana ignores all of that because of an obsession with BEING one thing. But ana doesn’t know shit about all the weird, cool, funny, wild stuff you can do. Show her what she’s missing.

Best of luck to you, and if you find yourself struggling in college don’t be afraid to message us back. We’re here for you throughout your recovery process <3

#surgery #laxatives #recovery and college #vitiligo #fanmail #skid marks #anonymous #ask

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reds-revenge · 7 years

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im feeling evil so ALL THE LOCATION ASKS

>:( probably Josie anon, do you know how many times I gotta switch pages now? I’m kidding you’re cool mobile just sucks.

*deep breath* here we go

Amsterdam: yeah, I think so. I’ve always been the weird one, usually in a nice way but I’m still the weird one. I kinda sound like a robot when I’m tired, or trying to accomplish something, and I guess that’s not how all people think?? Anyway.

Athens: ahaha I’m not a perfectionist, I’m the PLATONIC IDEAL OF A PERFECTIONIST. Listen okay I will sink as much time as I need to get it perfect, that’s happening less with the depression bc I just can’t get it up to my standard, I’m trying to make this a Growing Opportunity and learn to set Attainable Goals, but it usually ends with me panicking instead. Ah well

Belgrade: my mother had a loooong list of names and my dad tried to mock them all, they only kept ones that you couldn’t really make weird nicknames for, one of my friends took that as a challenge and called me Kira the Mirra (like mirror) for a year, it was interesting

mom called my kiramodo dragon bc of some noise I made when I was a baby. I thought my name was baby for a while bc they called me Baby Kira my Deara. Then I decided I wasn’t a baby and dubbed myself Kira my Deara the Kid.

Berlin: well for that I’d have to KNOW what I what. I can usually do whatever, but I would really like is absolute certainty about things like do I exist, am I hurting people by existing, etc. and that’s just not something we get in this life. It’s :) so :) fun :) :) :)

Bratislava: it doesn’t have a firm genre, there’s a lot of oddly philosophical themes for something that’s mostly sci fi/ comedy, but there’s also bildungsroman elements bc life amiright, and what’s science besides a mystery?

The protagonist is Done™ with everyone including herself, there’s cephalopods.

Brussels: I’m not fluent in all the languages I borrow from but yeah I do this a lot, I’m a language nerd. I did it more often when I was younger and still liked learning Latin.

Bucharest: NOT ON PURPOSE OKAY, WE’D KNOWN EACH OTHER SINCE WE WERE FIVE SO ALMOST TEN YEARS AT THE TIME, I THOUGHT OF HIM AS MY BROTHER, WHY THE FUCK IS HE WRITING EMO STORIES ABOUT KISSING ME WE WERE S I B L I N G S.

I don’t think of him as family anymore but not bc of the ~*drama*~, I learned some Things and grew Wise. (Well, wisER)

Budapest: maybe, I was five, my love was unrequited. We ended up being friends bc in such a small class whatcha gonna do? We didn’t talk about that fiasco for ten years, turns out that whole declaring my love to the class thing was pretty awkward for him. Whoops.

Copenhagen: outside of old, distant relatives, no. I haven’t actually kissed someone romantically before at all, and I don’t have a desire to. I’m not saying I wouldn’t ever someday, I just haven’t sought that kinda thing out.

Dublin: between being a minor and being an obsessive rule follower, that hasn’t happened. I doubt I ever will, losing even the slightest bit of control over myself terrifies me

Helsinki: now this is interesting. I’m guessing this is referring to romantic love, but it doesn’t SAY that.

Look, I wanna be a scientist. Like really really wanna be a scientist, always have, always will. This sounds cliche but I feel like I was made for the sciences, I really do.

but I gotta go with love. Not romantic necessarily, just in general. And this isn’t a “well I’d better choose the Virtuous thing.” Like, I feel made for science, but science doesn’t mean anything if you’re not using it for something. Neither does art for that matter. Idk, but without love–for my family, my friends, for squids, for God–i just don’t see the point of this whole life thing. So yeah, I’m going with love

Kiev: YES AND FRANKLY I’D CHOOSE THE KNIFE EVERY TIME. I’m not gonna tell you EVERYTHING EVER THAT WAS SAID TO ME bc that would take way too long but yes, yes I have even when they weren’t trying to be knife words

Lisbon: I’m honestly not sure, like I like Hamilton’s America but I hate Trump’s, also I’m really drawn to the British isles and honestly France and Polynesia and India and Russia are all cool, so like I don’t feel like I belong but I might not belong anywhere if that makes sense? Idk tbh

Ljubljana: not really, I sound like my mother over the phone and if you look at baby pictures without the hair showing Greta and I get mixed up (not by family by friends) I have kind of distinctive hair, so.

London: Google says this is thinking vs feeling basically so I gotta go sense (thinking)

Luxembourg: I REGRET EVERYTHING and I often regret things deeply, like really stupid things bc of ~*damaging theology*~ but now mostly because ~*Ocd*~ (I think idk I guess maybe knocking that board over really will send me to hell, I’ve been spinning over this for YEARS)

Madrid: ALL THE TALENTS but maybe speaking fluent French, juggling, and playing guitar if you want some specifics

Moscow: No. I mean when else would I do all the thinking? Not during the day when I’m half asleep, surely.

Nicosia: whenever I’m nervous or exhausted which is most of the time now tbh

Oslo: HAhahahahaha this is hilarious. I’d like absolute 100% certainty that everything is 100% okay, always has been, and always will be. I don’t know what okay even is here but I know that 100% certainty does not exist and also everything probably isn’t okay, and EVEN IF I KNEW THIS I would still be nervous for some hellish reason, I don’t think I’ll ever actually have peace of mind :/

Paris: I mean yeah, but not more afraid than I am of most things. I guess I’m more scared I’d mess it up somehow

Podgorica: HELL YEAH. I mean, I’m curious about death and franklyitwouldntbeterribleifigothitbyasnipertomorrow @ the government, but setting that aside I’ve been raised on stories of people dying, dying for good or evil but for what they believe and I was kinda scared when I was little that I’d chicken out and surrender to the fascist government or whatever but I won’t, I’ll just do the thing, follow the rule same as any other. And even if my beliefs are wrong we’re all gonna die anyway, so

Prague: not really, no. I’ve got a good family, a good church for once, I’m heading to running start next year to study what I want, I don’t really have something to be jealous of.

I mean I’d like my brain to work but I’m not *jealous* of people who’s brains do the thing, I’m happy for them I just would like to be like that too

Reykjavik: A TINY FLOATING ISLAND COUNTRY I COULD PARK WHERE I WANTED I MEAN I DOUBT I’M GONNA MOVE PERMANENTLY OUT OF AMERICA BECAUSE THAT SOUNDS HARD AND MY FAMILY’S HERE BUT I DON’T LIKE ABSOLUTE RULES WHERE I DON’T NEED THEM

Riga: I would take as many selfies as I had to to get one I only kinda hate, I would post that one. (Yeah this is specific but I’m waiting for the technicality police over here, I totally would tho I don’t really care)

Rome: yeah but not romantically. I mean this is gonna sound weird I’m sorry but once in a blue moon I get an overwhelming sense of God and His love for me, that sounds cheesy or fake or something but I’m too tired to not be painfully honest rn

Sarajevo: TO INFINITY AND BEYOND. I wouldn’t do whatever they asked me to, I’m not gonna sign my mind over bc they’re human too and not always right and maybe the stakes are high etc, but if they need something I'ma do the thing at any cost of time, resources, sanity, etc. to myself I’ve got no boundaries here

Skopje: I honestly don’t know?? I’ve been called a lot of sweet things by a lot of sweet people and I remember EVERY SINGLE ONE and honestly I don’t think I could choose one, they’re all sweet in different ways, you know?

Sofia: not in a physical way, women are shockingly treated differently from men in Puritainville, but most people were fine with me in general if I didn’t touch certain buttons. Everyone had different buttons but never said what they were until whoops! It was fun :)

Mental health is also a super fun topic in Puritainville if you were wondering, someone told my mom when I first pulled out of school that I didn’t need a doctor, I just needed a book on Grace, because clearly my theology was why I couldn’t talk and slept fifteen hours a day

Also being Anglican was interesting, I tried explaining the whole icon thing and Lent and via media but it fell on deaf ears

I dunno if this is prejudice related or not but some guy called me a Pharisee when I was seven bc I told him off for making it impossible for me to follow the rules, he was trying to make us scared to teach us about God’s grace, you can imagine how well tiny Kira handled that

wow okay well I guess that’s a yes then

Stockholm: UNFORTUNATELY

In middle school everyone wrote stories about their thinly disguised classmates, and then in ninth grade creepy mcbadideas wrote stories about me saving him from his life basically and then him saving me from depression with a kiss, it was weird

and then Mom has used the whole family for story ideas

Tallinn: I can’t recall a rumour I’ve heard about myself, I’m very open. There were certainly rumors about me being ~*liberal*~ but that was actually true so idk.

I’d like to hear some though, I’m so out there already it’s gotta be entertaining

Tirana: no??? I’m honestly not sure what sexy is but everyone else seems to? Mom swears boys look at me–she’s usually telling me how not to die at a bus stop when this comes up– but I don’t notice anything

Valletta: thankfully no, at least not a big one. The worst I’ve injured myself was when I kinda timed a jump over a brick wall wrong and took out a chunk of my shin.

Vienna: I gave this one A LOT OF THOUGHT but I don’t think there’s like one song that totally captures my life, I definitely identify with songs but there’s not one single song in part because I’m still trying to process my life, you know? Fit things into the correct slots. Until I do that–if that’s even possible–i won’t have just one song. Sorry!!

Vilnius: yeah, why not? If it’s not like a permanent thing bc I have issues with permanency then it’d be cool, if only to get another point of reference for how things are done

Warsaw: i AM a depression lol. I thought two years was about as long as major depressive episodes lasted but I guess not, or maybe I was misdiagnosed idk

Zagreb: I’ve certainly given my TRUST to people I shouldn’t have, I’ve given my FRIENDSHIP to people I shouldn’t have, but I don’t think I’ve ever given someone my heart when I shouldn’t have.

Zurich: not at all. It’s a means to an end, you need it for college and food and stuff, but outside of that I really don’t care. I’ve been trying to figure out how we could restructure society without money and keep it fair and not suppress individuality and keep everyone taken care of it’s an interesting thought experimentTHERE I’M DONE I hope you appreciate that that took me a couple HOURS JOSIE I love you but WOW am I glad that’s over

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