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incarnateirony · 3 years

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I'm gonna need fandom to stop projecting some weird romanticized and/or bitter idea of suicidal ideation on 15x20 Dean which is directly contrary to the text.

If anything, 15x20 was Dean's least suicidal period. He had opted to start trying to enjoy life. He still clearly struggled with depression and grief from his sloppy room, but that doesn't necessarily translate to suicidal thoughts.

Dean highlighted his desire to make sure sacrifices weren't in vain. He tried to eat after a whole season of refusing to because he was too angry and scared.

People misunderstand "being realistic" as "suicidal". While yes, you can even check the script and there's a moment of panic thinking about if Cas was there, and yes, it even clarifies the nearest hospital is 45 minutes away and yes, clarifies Dean was 100% run through, just because that didn't make it to screen doesn't mean it's suddenly Dean surrendering.

Maybe this is something not understood because of how international SPN fandom is, or how urban its digital demographic tends to be--but I've got news for you. It's basically common knowledge that places like that are at least half an hour from anywhere in the US.

I've lived in those places.

One such place, for example, was Timpson Texas. When I moved there for a few months, I was warned. Don't get hurt. The nearest hospital is 45 minutes away. But if it's really bad--they do have a volunteer EMS department. Which, they joked, was "express delivery" because it was located right next to the funeral home, and frankly nobody was sure what their actual credentials were in a town of 200~.

It's very, very rare to find a farmhouse setup like that near a city. Or at least anything less than 20 minutes from anywhere. There's a few exceptions to that rule for anything in life, like the Independence, MO area that has really weird fucking zoning and you can go from farmland to ghetto to farmland to downtown in a straight shot, but by and large, this is how it is in the US. I know 45 minutes sounds insane to someone living in like, the UK. Or even people who've lived their whole lives in and around big US metro cities like New York and Chicago.

But I can promise you, just because those thoughts didn't come out of Dean's mouth, they ran through his head, like many silent things you can see him assess at any given moment in the show that are common sense life, battle, or other issues. "Well, shit, it'll take an ambulance at least 30 minutes to get here if I'm lucky and my vision's already tunneling, Cas isn't here, gotta take my chance to say what's important, like I learned from Cas."

That's it. That's what that was. Was the death comically long? Yes, still not enough for him to get help. Were there ways they could have illustrated it better? Sure, they could have used that one overhead driving in a field shot for the 1000th time. Would the text have helped in dialogue--maybe, you know this fandom loves missing the point anyway.

Everyone goes "but why tell Sam not to bring him back then!!" bro-- bro--he literally says why, and it's true. That always ends bad. It's stopping this jerk off cycle and realizing it's ok to be freaking mortal. That they can't keep fucking up the cosmic balance for all eternity. Letting hundreds/thousands/millions/billions of people have their entire universe fucked up because the two brothers insist on being in the same spot at the same time. He insisted Sam live on.

Maybe it's a misunderstanding of biology too? Hell, there's some ways that could have gone in that would have had him dead even faster. It really just depends what exactly it punctured how. Is it technically survivable? Yeah, if you're not basically an hour and a half out from a hospital with the weewoo cab trip both ways. If he already felt himself fading though, reality strikes.

That's Dean Winchester becoming spontaneously aware of his mortality, not giving up. Like I hate to tell people, but you'll never make it out of life alive. That's not suicidal, that's reality. The point is, to live the best life you can while you have it, and to not give up, sure. But also to be aware that you might get diagnosed with terminal cancer or you might get hit by a bus or maybe you'll fucking ridiculously get run through on a dickbar. Some things in life you can't control.

Are there ways this could have been pulled together far better? 100% absolutely. The finale was a disaster in delivery. At literally every corner. In every way. But that shouldn't make us just scream past it and somehow convert it into the worst possible take guys. I should hope that a young adult to middle aged demographic understands things like basic biology, emergency response time, the fact that we're all mortal beings, and the general moral of learning what to say when it's important and maybe your last chance, c'mon.

Or worse, trying to turn it into "Dean didn't want to live anymore because he missed Cas." Like shit. I'm blazing "Destiel is canon and has been for a while" trash but -- that's literally? Contradictory? Dean wanted to live because he respected Cas' sacrifice. That's canon. Even when he still felt down and his room was still messy and some days he might have almost felt dead, he kept trucking, kept dreaming, put in job applications, tried to be the young self he used to be and go to a pie-fest, whatever. He kept moving. THAT'S where he kept fighting.

Giving up isn't Dean accepting that a pike through all his major organs an hour out from medical help is gonna be the end. Giving up would be him having stayed passed out on the whiskey bottles on the floor forever moping and just WAITING for that instead of being like, damn, I didn't think today would be the day.

Is it a perfect ending, no, not saying that, nor in any way defending the fucking trashfire finale but I'm so sick of seeing this "suicidal dean" talk. When that isn't even remotely what it was.

#supernatural #spn #dean winchester #tw suicide

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whump-town · 3 years

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A Cumbersome and Heavy Body

Chapter Four: How to Disappear Completely

Summary: Stubborn until the very end, Aaron Hotchner isn’t going to go down without a fight. It’s just getting hard to tell the difference between fighting them and fighting the cancer.

Word count: 2,670 (not very long but I’m getting back into the swing)

Author’s Note: I know it’s been like freaking two months but this felt nice and I remembered how much I actually enjoy this fic. You can find the first chapter here!

Warning: the subject of this fic is cancer and it’s treatment, cursing, maybe out of character (idk, man. hotch is weird) bonus: I’m 19 and a humanities major so obviously I don’t know anything about medicine so I’m doing my best out here

I'm not here I'm not here This isn't happening I'm not here I'm not here

She’s not allowed to go with him to treatments-- radiation treatments, he never said anything about chemo. You’d think she was the ex-lawyer but really she’s just mastered the art of annoying him. “That’s a straight flush, eat it!” She lays the cards out for him to see, grinning as his face falls and he realizes that he’s lost to her, again. “We totally should have played strip-poker.”

He rubs a hand over his face, digging his fingers into his eye socket. “That’s the last thing I need,” he mumbles, leaning back against his chair. He’s exhausted and freezing his ass off despite the long-sleeved t-shirt he’s wearing under his flannel and the blanket Emily’s tucked around him. There’s no point in bringing it up, no point in talking about it. No one can do anything about it. He’s just cold and he can handle the clump of hair that fell in the sink this morning and the fact that all foods, even foods that he’s considered safe for decades, betray his body. This being cold all the time thing though? It’s pissing him off and it makes him feel even more helpless because he can’t control his emotions.

Nevermind, most of his control over everything is gone. He’s stuck in this chair until the toxic whatever they have hanging above his head enters his body. The whole bag and a two-hour, maybe longer, wait. For comfort, he’s got an endless supply of blankets, all as thick as paper, and a popsicle. He likes popsicles but he’s certain he’ll throw up anything he eats right now. So he sticks to lightly sipping his water. At least he gets to control the water most of the time. Occasionally they even get to veto his decisions there.

“I’ll give you a break,” she offers. She can see he’s having a hard time. He knows he’s lucky to have her as his shadow but that doesn’t do much for the temper he’s struggling to control. “I’m going to go call JJ,” she knocks her hand against his knee and he hums his understanding. He’s moved his body up, sitting up enough to tilt to the left, his head in his palm, and his fingers moved to block her view of a pained grimace. Trying and failing to keep her distracted with his silence.

Knowing that crouching down beside him would create far more attention to his discomfort that is such grave importance to him to hide, she just lowers her voice and quietly asks, “do you want me to get some more water?” He shakes his head, just rocking his forehead into his palm. His attention lost to a sea of pain. “Okay,” she mumbles, feeling utterly helpless. A feeling she’s becoming quite familiar with.

The worst part is knowing there’s nothing she can do physically for him but there are some people that never fail to draw a smile to his face. So she texts Spencer and Penelope, hoping Reid will numb Hotch out with never-ending conversation and Garcia will lighten his sludge. She hesitates to ask Jessica to bring Jack over. After the night they watched the Chronicles of Narnia he’s been a little outwardly disruptive. Acting out and it’s to be expected, this isn’t easy for anyone and it’s impossible for a child who has already lost his mother. But it will be good for Hotch and Jack so she risks it and Jessica seems to agree.

“You’re back early.” What she does not account for is Derek Morgan beating them back. They walk in and hear a racket, and though their training should have them reaching for guns not strapped to their hips, they both just glare at the direction in which it’s coming from. Derek stands up, eyeing them both over, and motioning to something out of their sight. “Was just fixing the sink.” He’s covered in dirt and sweat, it’s evident he was fixing something though the state of his shirt looks more like he breaking something.

Emily is opening her mouth to inquire but Hotch beats her to it. His tone and his mood are not in a good place and if she’d known Morgan was here ahead of time she would have warned him. Morgan has no warning when Hotch’s already firmly placed scowl turns even crueler and he grumbles, “the sink wasn’t broken.”

She’s stuck standing between them, Hotch walking away and Morgan watching his back and looking hopelessly at her to explain what just happened. She’s not sure if she’s allowed to follow Hotch or if she’s better here explaining his behavior. It’s just like old times, she thinks bitterly. To Foyet and his pain and she can’t say she’s surprised, he really held out. She can’t blame him for being in a bad mood, he’s in pain. It’s his cancer, he’s allowed to be pissed about it.

“He okay?”

She is surprised to find that Morgan isn’t angry. That he looks nearly sad standing there, torn between going after him and being reassured by her. “He’s…” she won’t tell him about the drive back. Hotch silent but in so much pain he’d been restless, incapable of sitting still in the car. Or this morning how he’d needed her help just putting on a shirt. The hair she’s noticed falling out but he’s not commenting on it so she certainly won’t breathe a word. That they’re up all night, the sound of Hotch’s pacing making her too worried to rest or barreling through the house to find him curled around the toilet looking miserable. That he’s losing weight rapidly and she doesn’t struggle to help him up anymore-- but she tells herself it’s because she’s getting stronger because she has to.

“He’s Hotch,” she reasons, foolishly. “Of course, he’s okay.”

-------------------------------

Garcia would lay her own life down in a heartbeat to protect the team if they’d let her. She owes them all so much for the quality that they have given her life over the past few years. They have built a family around her, from the ground up, and accepted her through all her flaws and misadventures. No one as much as her suit-clad, knight in shining armor boss. Hotch has been there for her since before there was even really a team. When no one else would, he gave her so much more than a chance-- he believed in her. When no one else, when no one had even tried since her parent’s death. Even when time and time again she made mistakes, pushed rules, and on his last nerve. He never tore her down.

He commends her strangeness, even if she suspects he doesn’t fully understand it. Smiles good-naturedly when she brings him holiday-themed ties so they can match and allows her silly days out for conventions beyond his own taste. He’s never grasped a full understanding of her but he’s never given up trying. He commends her abilities to do this job and also reminds her how proud he is of her, to have her on his team, and to call her a friend. So, yeah, if Hotch needs a little pick-me-up, she’s his man.

“Are you two fucking?”

Garcia freezes. The key Hotch gave her half-way in its retreat from the lock and the door only slightly opened. She’s technically coming in unannounced but Hotch had given her this key under the same pretenses as the one that gave her access to his and Haley’s house-- in case she needs him. The situations are flipped now, he needs her, but the sentiment is still the same. She’d prepared for the Hotch’s thousand-word frown upon entrance just not the verbal assault of “are you two fucking”.

She hesitantly makes her way into the room, peeking around the corner of the wall that separates the kitchen from the living room. Emily and Morgan are standing there, both looking equally disgusted and annoyed. She watches Emily fluster, mouth opening and closing like a goldfish. “What?” she barks out in pure surprise. “He’s-- NO!”

Morgan reciprocates his own franticness, waving at Emily’s clothes, “you’re-- you’re... matching!” He’s grabbing at straws for the most part. His own anxieties and fears coming into play to create this monster of a beast he can’t stop thinking about. To distract himself from the panicked thoughts he has about watching his friend die he’s conjured a reality in which it makes sense that Emily and Hotch would be boning. Really, it’s only bothering him because he has no idea what he would do if the two of them were… doing something. It’s just-- just disgusting. Hotch is Hotch, he doesn’t… do that.

Emily rolls her eyes, “Derek, I see him every day. I live with him.” She makes an exasperated throwing motion with her hands, tossing them upwards. “It’s going to happen occasionally, alright? We own similar articles of clothing.” She motions down to her clothes, “we’re ‘matching’ because we look a lot alike and he knows green is his color just like I know it’s mine!”

Of course, that’s what she says now but this morning when she was working the tiny ass buttons of his shirt together she’d given him endless shit about managing to pick out the one shirt the two of them both own. He couldn’t change-- that day’s appointments needed full access to his chest and the easiest way to do that is to wear easily opened and shut clothing. She could change but simply refused-- it was far more entertaining to tell him they looked like those preschoolers whose parents dressed them to match.

He wasn’t amused.

“Besides,” she adds just to a rise out of him, “he’s not supposed to be doing anything strenuous until the rash on his chest clears back up.” She tucks a strand behind her ear, nonchalant. “Even then I would have to be on top.” She smiles as he sputters, satisfied with her own work.

Morgan frowns, “No!” He momentarily covers his ears, shaking his head. “Why do you even-- How do you know that?”

Emily shrugs, “Oh… well, his doctor thought we were… you know.”

Garcia isn’t sure where her allegiance should be. If Hotch and Emily are… she’d prefer not to know the details. Well, she’s interested because it’s Emily but it’s also Hotch. She makes a face, the thought… it-- Hotch needs to lighten up. He needs someone back in his life that can bring some fun but Emily is, well she’s Emily! It f-

“Is she done tormenting Morgan, yet?”

Garcia reels around, caught off guard by a sudden deep but unimpressed voice behind her. When she turns, she finds Hotch. He’s dressed down, out of the attire Morgan and Emily had been talking about. Now, in a simple Hanes t-shirt and black sweatpants. Comfortable-- she likes the way he looks. It may not be his usual attire but it makes him look more… dad-like. More himself.

Garcia looks back over her shoulder and finds herself grinning. Her boss may seem like a boring, hardass but he can have his fun too. No doubt, he either gave Emily the idea to go torment Morgan (never direct but planted the seedling idea) or, at the very least, gave her permission. “I don’t think so,” she answers honestly. “She’s not going to let it go if she knows it bothers him that much.” Which is completely true.

Hotch smiles, softly. A dimple making a guest appearance as he shakes his head. Only Emily Prentiss. He looks Garcia down, lifting a brow at the sight of all the things in her arms. “Can I help you with that?” he offers, motioning to the filled Tupperware clutched to her chest so that they don’t topple over.

She remembers, suddenly, the armful of goodies she has. “Oh yes, sir!” She lets him take a few off the top, telling him what they are as he acquires them. “Those are macadamia nut cookies! This really nice woman--” she follows him as he takes the containers and directs her to the kitchen. “She moved in across the hall from me. She loves to bake and so she’s been giving me all these little recipes.”

He moves right past Emily and Derek, smiling to himself at the panicked raise in Derek’s tone as they catch sight of one another. He directs his attention back to Garcia, making sure she knows he’s listening. Though he doubts his own abilities to dig into the delicacies Garcia has brought, he knows that Jack and Emily will rip them to shreds. Which is the honorable way Garcia’s cooking should go, straight into very gracious mouths.

“I really hadn’t been able to test them out,” she continues. “So, I thought why not try them all right now and bring them to you!” She smiles cheerfully up at him, their height difference more apparent when he looks down realizes she’s not wearing her signature heels. She’s wearing pink converse, perfectly complimenting her pink sweater and pink glasses and jewelry. He thinks she looks positively amazing but knows any compliments will have him smothered in kisses and, well, he’s already been accused of sleeping with one coworker...

Mind still wandering off on the subject of his height and when the last time he saw Garcia in shoes other than heels, he settles a soft smile on her. She keeps talking, showing him each container's contents. It’s the exhaustion that leads him down the path beaten path of dissociation, his mind simply slipping out from beneath him. Someplace warm and fuzzy where his body doesn’t ache.

“Aaron--” He blinks, startling at the sudden touch to his shoulder. He looks down to find Emily and an anxious-looking Garcia. He’s sure Emily and Derek’s conversation about their relationship is now going to seem more damning as her hand slips into his. She squeezes his fingers, “you okay?” Her eyes flick between his, searching for an answer that’s going to be far more honest than the one he produces on his own.

He clears his throat, forcing himself not to blush. “Yeah,” he croaks. “I don’t… I don’t know what that was.” He bashfully averts his eyes to the kitchen floor, very aware of their attention on him now. Too much attention. It’s impossible to hide the way he shivers, the paling, near purpling of his arms. He knows it’s inevitable that they’ll notice but… he’d like to think himself some mastermind. Impervious to the tests of cancer and his treatments. That they don’t affect him. He can hide the central line under layers of clothes. Wear hats to hide the hair. Fake a smile and force his way through the day.

But he’s failing miserably. They see it. The radiation rash now sitting at the base of his neck, red and angry. Peaking out through his shirts. The bulge of the central line under his normal shirts. The nose bleeds that never stops, he’s scarred Reid and Morgan for life with those. The tinnitus that’s recently come back with a vengeance. He’s affected, good and proper, and he hates it. Hates that he has to be so blatantly mortal in front of everyone. Never gets a say in if today is good or bad. If he’ll be too weak to get out of bed or too sick to eat. He hates it.

Garcia is the first person to properly break the tension. She playfully knocks Hotch in the shoulder, more of a tap than anything. It’s careful and his throat tightens with the realization of how weak he must look to make Garcia afraid she could hurt him with a simple tap. “It’s all good, sir.” She settles a small smile on him, “but you can make it up to me by eating?”

Eating. He runs his tongue along his bottom lip, swallowing thickly around the sick twist of his stomach. “Okay,” he answers softly, forcing a smile to match hers when she beams. Thinking she’s won against his unruly stomach.

Emily glances at him but ignores it.

He just wants to be normal again.

@laiba-the-person, @emily-hottie-prentiss, @unionjackpillow, @clockedstar, @baumarvel, @blakeprentiss, @qvid-pro-qvo, @aaron-hotchner187, @ssalavellan, @lazyhater (Just lmk if you don’t want to be tagged anymore)

#tw cancer #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #penelope garcia #derek morgan

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finsterhund · 3 years

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Hey I fucking broke my ankle lmao

“I could really use a break right now” I say as I struggle with my dog having terminal cancer, my roommate pushing my limits, my money being nonexistent, and barely getting one meal a day.

A finger on the monkey’s paw that is me ever wanting anything in life curls again. Must have been a pretty fucked up monkey because there’s a lot of fingers on this thing by now.

So yeah, life thought I wasn’t going through enough already so it added broken fucking ankle to the list of Finsterhund suffering hours.

“I wish I wasn’t broke” is another good one. “here have a different broke then lol. go fuck yourself you rotting corpse of a victorian boy piece of shit”

here’s the goods. Got ex roommate to take photo of the screen. Doctor did not let me email the high res version to myself.

I did not go “waaaiii” on the way down, unfortunately. Life just isn’t like a video game. Probably didn’t look funny either. In reality I am a silent faller/injurer/whatever. Survival instincts of child abuse survivor I land and stay there as quiet as possible. I “grew out of” signals for help before teenage years. Which is a blessing in disguise because I don’t like people looking at me when I am hurt. it’s the “baby deer waiting for mom to come back instinct” I hide from predators.

My brain didn’t really process it when it happened. I just fell and heard a SNAP. If I had watched a video of it happening to someone else I would have found it gross but fortunately my brain just let me ignore it.

I was mostly immediately scared that I had somehow damaged the FIFTY DOLLAR dog calming aid that I got for Cazza in the pet store. I needed something like it for her and just seeing it in person and not having to pay 30 dollar shipping I was like “yeah. getting it here” fortunately the only fragile part is a little plastic capsule that imitates a heartbeat, which was packaged inside the toy inside the box. I hope. I have not opened it.

But the reason I fell is because I was also carrying giant bag of dog food. You see my vet recommended I switch out her food in light of the potential heart disease link. So I got the biggest bag of the best chicken stuff they had. My roommate might try saying that it was because the bag was too heavy. It wasn’t. I could lift that shit just fine. Bag was impossible for my impaired depth perception cringe fail line of vision to see around. The same visual impairment that prevents me from being able to drive a car made me think that I could put my foot down on the curb of the sidewalk. Dumb ass thought I was stepping OVER the curb.

Fortunately the bag of dog food broke my fall. Otherwise I’d have probably smashed my nose and teeth on the pavement. I really hope the expensive puppy calming toy is unharmed :( I say as I have a fucking broken leg.

So yeah. If you’ve seen labyrinth where David Bowie playing Jareth the Goblin King walks over all those weird ass fucked up stairs and ledges that are all a manner of odd angles? Specifically where he just takes steps that are at an angle that you cannot actually walk? Yeah I fucked up Jareth platform stairs walked over the fucking curb and snapp my legs

yes, I said legs.

Only my left is technically broken. It’s a Webber A something or other. I have a sick as hell photo if you wanna see. It’s included in this post.

But my right foot also got fucking fucked up. That one it snapped a tendon or a ligament or whatever the fuck. Get this, it snapped off a small piece of the gottamn bone. It’s not a break but it’s like it came off like a splinter. I made a joke in the hospital about how it’s like when you throw a sticky hand at the wall and when you pull it back a piece of the paint comes off with it. That was really fucking funny but nobody laughed. My friend’s group chat thought it was funny though. I did not get a photo of that foot and the tiny cringe sticky hand paint sliver bone.

I am on pain meds better than my normal pain meds. I can barely feel the legs in bed now.

So back to the parking lot. I landed on the dog food bag. I am hoping the calmeroos puppy is not broken or damaged in any way, I heard the snap but my brain is not registering the snap. This hurts “like a normal fall” I think at first. It hurts a lot of course, but I have the pain tolerance of a truck (thanks for this one Will) and a “heartwarming” story from my youth is that my mom didn’t believe my arm was broken both times it happened because I wasn’t “in pain enough” so I’ve got the firsthand experience to back that up.

Yeah then I try to fucking move my goddamn legs. Left one, broken one, there’s noises. Like cracking pop sounds. And pain. God fuck. It feels like the foot is loose and it’s only connected by fleshy flesh and muscle and skin. Aka like how my dislocated shoulder (that my mom also dismissed because I didn’t scream enough... after the lifeguard had alreayd put it back in...) had felt when I was 12.

So I’m like “oh god oh fuck oh god oh fuck I can’t get up or move” yeah my first response was “how the fuck am I going to escape?” I attempted to better myself to get up but absolutely not. Right foot feels like when I roll the damn thing which happens a lot. That *WAS* my bad ankle. sidkfjsdkfjskdf not anymore!!!!!

So an important note is that I’m technically better about my severe agoraphobia that my roommate can let me go into a store by myself provided he’s no more than a couple stores away. So while I’m waiting for a predator to pick my weak ass off outside the petstore he’s in the dollar store next door where I was supposed to meet him after putting the dog food in the car. The car I am now sitting next to. I have no way to get his attention because my phone is dead and also in my bedroom because it’s useless when not plugged into the wall.

Luckily the people parked next to us come out the store and see Mr fuck leg the fucked leg boy sitting on his bag of dog food between the cars and bless this family they help me out. By trying to get roommate out of the dollar store. Which doesn’t work. So they get the dollar store manager. Who then gets roommate out of the store. I was probably sitting there for 10 minutes or so. They had kids so I’m really trying not to let them see how fucked up the rapidly growing ankle balloon is.

But yeah. Eventually roommate come out the dollar store. And get this, he does the same shit my mom did every time anything ever fucking happened to me and is all “okay if it were really broken you’d be screaming right now” as I’m finally able to prop myself up enough to get into the car. That fucking triggered me real bad and I had a breakdown in the car while he went back into the dollar store to continue shopping.

Then we went to get food.

Then we went to costco.

He said that he would take me home and then if it was “still bad tomorrow” he’d take me to the ER.

So he tries to help me out of the car to the house.

I cannot put weight on the right leg either. It is agony. He’s trying to support the bad leg but the other leg need support too. A weaker man would have screamed but I just dropped to the parking lot ground and cried.

Made an attempt to crawl to the house but the gravel on my knees was just too much on top of everything else.

So FINALLY the ER is back on the menu. Ex roommate comes out because I need someone to support each foot. And they take me to their car and they drive me to the ER and I’m trying to eat a baconator while my foot is reminding me that we should have stayed as tiktaalik. you know, not fucking biped I want semi aquatic too please please please youre nothing

The wheelchairs in the ER are designed to offer full body support but the damn things are so hard to maneuver around and cannot be user operated. So I was sitting there having to get pushed around feeling like a dumb fuck because I hate needing assistance to move I hate it I hate it I hate it. I kept reaching down expecting to find the wheel handles but they weren’t there.

ER was... fun. There was a cool cartoon I’ve never seen before “Craig of the Creek” playing on the TV. I really want to see more of it I really liked it. But a fucking anti vax guy (YEAH REALLY) was swearing and bitching because there were kids shows on the TV This show was the only comfort I fucking had. Craig was spoonfeeding me comfort with his little freeze to death without your winter clothes adventure (RIP to him but I’m different)

But yeah. Once being treated it was all really nice. My ability to make constant jokes about fucked up injury death and suffering is a really good stress relief. Shout out to the xray tech who totally understood I use dark humor to cope and in response to my joke about how if I was a horse they'd just shoot me that I would “make wonderful glue” the other people were also very kind but I kinda felt they were intimidated by how “jovial” I was about the whole thing. Like yeah. I’m “handling it well” because that’s my whole strategy. Inside I’m screaming “please not the plates please not the plates please not the plates” (I am scared of having metal plates and screws.) Fortunately the stupid little cringe bone broke just low enough on the bone that I don’t have to get the plates and screws. I was literally begging Spot and she answered.

In my moment of weakness I decided that the true nature of the “Spot Power” is that she makes it so that when I’m going through shit I’m always “being so brave about it”

I kept thinking about how Cazza thought I had abandoned her though and while roommate did give her her evening walkies she was stressed and puked on the walk. Which fucking ruined my life and I cried more hearing that than the fucking leg.

So yeah. In canada crutches and the foot boot actually cost money. I’m out like 100 dollars. Plus like 30 because roommate wanted gas. I’m just used to it by now. I definitely need to plug Cazza’s gofundme again now though. Have no clue how I’m even going to take her to her appointments. I am hesitant to hope that roommate will give her as good walks as she needs.

There were more tears over the fact that I was going to fail Cazza than that I actually broke my fucking ankle.

This shouldn’t be a shock. I knew that eventually my visual impairment and my physical disability were going to team up on me and fuck up my body even worse somehow. Always thought it was going to be stairs though. A small comfort is apparently the x ray department has had four other people come in about the exact same curb. Yeah I kid you not. The curb between the redacted dollar store and the redacted pet store confirmed for Heart of Darkness 2: Andy Ankle Adventure

They were supposed to give me more pain meds but I guess I didn’t pick them up or they forgot or something. My brain is fried so i have no idea at all.

Crutches are a massive learning curve for someone with depth issues and balance issues. I almost fell face first on the goddamn crutches several times. If I wasn’t broke and you know, if I couldn’t fucking not leg broken walk leg I would go to hardware store and make a wheeling seat thing like those scooters in gym class and then I’d have Cazza pull me on walks. That would work.

Big issue is in and out of our place is fucking stairs. Yeah. I crawled up them on hands and knees. No way in hell with my already fucking broken mobility could I go crutches up them. I have to hold onto railing or I fall down stairs so crawling it was.

I can technically take the boot off to sleep but the tightness makes it so much better so fuck that. Wish I had the rolling elementary school gym class scooter so I could drag myself around the house.

Cazza doted on me like nothing else. She tried to brace me going up the stairs but she’s not big enough for what I’d need with this fucking leg problem. She helped me change out of my clothes though. Even though she’ll never be certified she’s still my everything.

The she cuddled close to me until I had calmed down and now she’s fast asleep in her bed. I am so glad I ended up giving her her bath before going out.

I am going to attempt to make it to my bloodwork appointment tomorrow. I have rescheduled that due to chemo appointments too many times.

I can’t remember if I’m forgetting anything else. Honestly my roommate telling me the exact same shit my mom did just fucking hurt so bad. I think I know my own body better than you do. Like I’ve told him about how she didn’t believe me and I had to beg her to take me to the hospital and he ended up doing the exact same shit. All because I didn’t outwardly exhibit being in enough pain apparently.

I just hate how being disabled you always have to fucking prove you’re disabled. Like I was expected to somehow walk back to the house and up the stairs but when I got to go to the ER yeah fucking broken lol.

I just wish I had parents. I need taking care of. I always did and I never got it.

I’m scared for the future. I don’t know how I’m going to manage or how I’m going to provide for Cazza.

I wish breaking my ankle could have made Cazza’s cancer go away

#text post #negative #long post #cw: injury #broken bones #ask me to tag #cw: medical

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shirtlesssammy · 4 years

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9x05: Dog Dean Afternoon

Welcome to our last hellatus recap. This is one of our themed episodes and it’s not too late to guess what that is. You’ll win bragging rights forever! Anyway, our show is back tomorrow!

Then:

Obligatory Teddy Bear shot of how AbsUrD this show can be. Note to Show: Don’t highlight the absurdity of this show when you’re about to air a so-so episode.

Now:

As a very dedicated taxidermist works on his Game of Thrones masterpieces, his very smart, very loyal German Shepherd, Colonel, alerts him to danger. They head through the halls of stuffed animals (but they’re all fake because who the fuck is stuffing these bears and shit? Also, a dog? Aren’t tigers endangered? WTF is all this?). Anyway, a man with a snake tongue attacks the taxidermist and Colonel sees it all.

At the bunker, Sam’s got a case.

Once at the Taxidermy shop, they find it covered in red paint, and a little paw print symbol. Sam takes a picture.

Agents and Michaels and Deville enter the crime scene. And by crime, I mean all the dead animals. WTF? Like. WTF? Let’s assume all these animals died of natural causes, so we can pretend the victim was “a good egg.” Sam heads off to tour the place and Dean stops to interview Mr. Stevens. As Dean learns about “entrails” and such, Sam looks over the merch.

Poor Dean Bean continues to have frightening reminders about why he’s a germaphobe.

The boys are thinking witch, but decide to keep digging.

At their motel, Sam discovers the “wiccan symbol” is really an animal right’s group symbol. (LOL, I totally don’t remember this episode and I’m totally NOT changing my caption from above.)

Dean and Sam head to a vegan bakery where we learn that Dean knows the smell of Patchouli. Yeah, you might mask that with disdain for non-meat eaters, Dean, but we see you. They head to interrogate Olivia and Dylan, two founding members of S.N.A.R.T., the animal right’s group. They’re wearing sunglasses inside, so Dean thinks they’re douchebags. The brothers flash their badges. The couple sits down to talk about the victim. “You know how hunters are. They’re selfish dicks who define themselves by what they kill.”

They explain that someone attacked them with pepper spray and that’s why they look like douchebags.

Back at the motel, Sam further investigates the attack and the brothers surmise that they were attacked by venom.

At the local animal shelter, Brad gets a visit from Snake Man. Brad knows the guy and gets a $100 to let him walk into the kennel. The dude gathers ALL THE CATS and Brad wanders in to watch him EAT ONE. Yeah, we’re technically not on hate watch week anymore, BUT I STILL HATE THIS.

Brad doesn’t last long.

At the new crime scene, the brothers try to piece together the new information. Dean sees Colonel in a cage and ACCUSES HIM OF BEING A SUSPECT. GUH. Dean, just say you hate dogs and go home. Colonel doesn’t react to silver and Sam guesses they “can rule out killer.” Colonel starts barking.

How would you like to come home with me and live in a nice big bunker and go for car rides all the time and eat liver sausages and help solve mysteries?

Dean THE SMARTEST BEAN AROUND Winchester notices that Colonel is reacting to the local cop’s hat, so he tries it out. Bingo. Colonel was a witness to the crimes.

Sam thinks there’s a way to communicate with the dog to find out what he’s seen.

Kevin gets them a spell to talk with the dog. Dean agrees to drink the Mind Meld concoction because he doesn’t want Sam to take on more than healing from near death even if he doesn’t know if because he has an angel possessing him. Whew.

The spell doesn’t seem to work (But it DID, so can I like get said spell? I’d really love to talk with my cat on the regular, lolz, I’m not crazy.)

After eating lunch, Colonel sits up and asks for the channel to be changed. DUDE. It’s Foreigner. No one puts Foreigner in the corner. Dean’s on my side and has a nice argument with the dog while Sam watches confused.

Dean gets to the point of the situation and asks about the cowboy hat. The killer wears a hat. WBK. As he throws away his food wrapping, Sam wants to know about the cats. Dean retrieves it like a good boy. (but seriously, German Shepherds ARE NOT RETRIEVERS. Good luck getting them to return anything!)

Suddenly, there’s a noise outside and both Dean and Colonel head to the window to harass the mailman. Yep.

Back at the motel, Sam tells Dean that side effects of mind melding with an animal can include developing animal urges. Suddenly I’m reminded of Dean’s fascination with the dog familiar from season eight and feel horribly uncomfortable. Dean angrily opens a chocolate bar, only for the dog to warn him off of it. No chocolate? This is an outrage!

Outside, a pigeon poops on Baby. “Hey, dick move, pigeon!” The bird returns anger with insult. “Screw you, asshat!” Apparently all animals have a universal language just sprinkled with insults! Dean shouts at the pigeon with all the subtlety of a very large human-shaped dog.

Sam manages to drag Dean into the car, but not before I make a diorama of this scene and place it on my Supernatural altar of Very Good Things.

Dean and Sam argue over whether they should leave Colonel in the car. “You think we like that?” Dean asks, ROYALLY insulted. Hell, no. Colonel’s going in with them. In a moment where I curse my horrific prescience, Dean gives a lusty once-over to a nearby tied-up poodle. I…just…

Inside the shelter, Dean interrogates all the shelter animals. There’s only one dog who can give any good intel, and the dog only delivers in exchange for a belly rub. From Sam.

The dog gives them a tip: they’re looking for a cowboy hatted villain who works at a nearby restaurant. Dean lets all the animals free before they leave. “I didn’t peg you for a softy,” Colonel remarks. But WE all knew. Dean Bean <3

The Winchesters break into the restaurant that evening and discover a giant stash of prescription medications and…a cage of mice. The mice give Dean a tip: animal bits and pieces are stored neatly in the refrigerator. Sam finds a spell: with the right magic, ingesting a certain bit of animal helps the magician to temporarily gain that animal’s power. The guy’s mixing various animal parts to experiment on the effects and fun new powers he might develop.

Dean and Sam encounter a chef and waiter preparing a private dinner (featuring shark fin) and shoo them out under the guise of health inspector.

Chef Leo nibbled on a chameleon, which allows him to get the drop on Sam.

He swipes at Sam’s throat. Gadreel flashes to life and heals Sam’s terrible throat slash. Leo witnesses this miraculous healing and decides that Sam’s the ultimate snak - I mean, meal.

Leo sniffs out a dog, only to turn around and see…Dean. When the chef learns that Dog Dean and Angel Sam are brothers he is many levels of confused, but that doesn’t put him off his plans to chow down on Sam Fucking Winchester and his creamy angel filling. Dean, being a dog, immediately sniffs out some new information about Leo: he has cancer. Traditional treatments did nothing to help Leo, but his animal power worked. While his quest began sympathetically, murder is a side effect that Leo’s totally cool with as long as he can keep pushing the boundaries of man and beast. “Guess you eat enough predators, you start to become one.”

The chef pulls out a wolf heart so he can tear Dean - a mere dog - into little kibble sized bits. Dean breaks free just in time and leads Leo on a merry chase outside. He looks oddly triumphant for being cornered by Leo in an alley, and whistles sharply. A pack of the stray dogs come running and tear Leo to bits.

Dean races back to check on Sam and calls for Sam…or Zeke...to wake up. “Don’t make me lick your damn face,” he pleads dramatically. Sam snaps awake. Hooray! Happy ending!

We jump to the Colonel meeting the vegans from earlier. They wuv that cute widdle puppy wuppy! Dean regrets that they can’t take Colonel along with them but it’s no life for a dog! It’s vegan dog treats from here on out.

The spell wears off just as Colonel tells Dean, “Dogs aren't really man's best friend. I know it sounds like a conspiracy theory, but the real reason we were put here was to…” He starts barking, and the spell’s done at last. I’m sure we’ll finally learn the truth about dogs in the final scene of season 15, right? RIGHT?

At the car, Dean checks in with Sam. Sammy’s fine, but he’s a little weirded out by what Leo said about him - why did he want to know WHAT Sam was? Dean dissembles awkwardly and they take off for further adventures, played out to the credits by sad guilt violins.

These Quotes Have Fleas:

The slippery nipple shots at the Dolly Parton Dixie Stampede nearly killed the guy

Always knew I'd find the source of all evil at a vegan bakery

You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people. And douchebags

I need a Raquel Welch poster and a rock hammer

I’m getting extorted by a dog

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

#spn recap #spn rewatch #spn 9x05 #dog dean afternoon #dean winchester #sam winchester #supernatural season 9

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #265

“all is fair in love and war, i’m still rotten to the core.”

What's the latest youtube channel you've discovered and binge-watched? Ha, a WoW channel that basically gives advice and tutorials on stuff. She doesn't have many videos, but she's pretty successful already and chill as hell. Kraken Latte. Does it snow where you live? Occasionally. Very rarely does the snow stick, though, because the ground will be too warm. Do you think your hair looks better long or short? Short. Do you look best with or without bangs? Bitch I loved my emo bangs fuck off. Well, they weren't technically bangs, my hair was just parted far to the left. Do you enjoy editing photos on your phone? Well, my phone doesn't have GREAT camera quality, but I usually do some subtle edits if I take a pic on it. What's your favorite thing to do on your phone? Play Pokemon GO REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Which season do you wish would last longer? Shit man, fall. At least here, the phase of colorful leaves is VERY short. Goes from green to totally bare in what feels like just a couple weeks. How many outdoor birthday parties have you had? Hell if I know. How much taller or shorter are you than your mom? We're the same height. Who is your favorite sibling? Lol wow that's mean. Do you have neat handwriting? Yeah. Do you like sushi? I've actually never tried it, but I'm quite certain I wouldn't like it. Have you ever tried seaweed? Actually yes, I believe in the 4th grade? We had I think authentic Japanese (or Chinese, idr) food, and I recall there being seaweed. I didn't like it. The only thing I liked was the white rice, I think. Do you have an actual pig-shaped piggy bank? No, but I think I may have as a kiddo. Did you dream of becoming famous as a kid? No. Have you ever been to a gynecologist? I actually haven't because I've always said I wasn't sexually active (back then it wasn't a conscious lie, I just genuinely didn't realize what we were doing was just shallow sex). I'm absolutely terrified to go anyway because I'm just very very very private about this sort of thing and honestly think I'll have a panic attack when I do have to for the first time anyway. Name three games that you are good at. Shadow of the Colossus, Silent Hill, World of Warcraft. What was your favorite board game as a kid? Ha ha, somehow, it was this shopping game called "Mall Madness." Veeeery unfitting of who I was and what I enjoyed as a kid. Do you get on Facebook every day? Pretty much. Did you watch the Kids Choice Awards when you were a kid? No. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Spice Girls, I think. Do you have memories that still make you cry? Yes. Have you made your own mask to help prevent the spread of the virus? No, considering I don't leave the damn house like ever. Do you know anyone who has the virus? Yes. Not personally, but distantly. Are you proud to be an American? (if applicable) Sometimes. What countries have you visited? I haven't left America. Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? No. How many true heartbreaks have you had in your lifetime? Romantically, I only consider one to be a *real* heartbreak. Have you ever cut yourself? Yeah. Do you feel like everything is falling apart around you? BOY DO I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Was your first kiss romantic? Yes. Do you miss any of your exes right now? My PTSD has been awful awful AWFUL the past few days, so yes. A lot. Have you ever overdosed on anything? Yes. What would you say if you found out your last ex was in a relationship? I'd be happy for her of course, but I'd also be very confused. She's made it clear she doesn't believe a relationship is the best idea for her right now. Who was your date to prom? Jason took me to his senior prom, and I took him to mine. Do you still talk to your first love? No, I haven't spoken to him in over three years now. Wow. Whose wedding did you go to first? I don't remember. I'm sure it wasn't the first, but ONE of the earliest that I do remember was when my friend Summer's mom got remarried. He sadly passed away a long while ago though. Are you ashamed of anyone you've dated in the past? Tyler, yes. It was so pointless and a "let's see how this goes" versus a "I really like this guy and really want this relationship" thing. I honestly think I only said yes to dating because I didn't want to hurt his feelings and I was lonely. What about anyone you've been friends with? There were certainly times it felt very weird calling Colleen my best friend with how bitchy she could be. Especially when you consider how non-confrontational I am, while she charged like a goddamn bull into arguments. Have you ever made out with someone in a pool? Uhhh I think that one night when I lived at the apartment and it was just us out there late at night. He and I went back inside before Jacob and Amanda TO hardcore make out because we both way too obviously wanted it so I wouldn't be remotely surprised if we snuck in some action at the pool oof. Who’s the last person that slept over your house? Sara. Do you still talk to the last person you kissed? Yes. Have you ever kissed someone with a tongue ring? No, I was the person with the tongue ring. I actually took it out a little while back because I was tired of accidentally chomping down on it when eating and chipping teeth. I'd already told myself if I did it one more time I would, and especially right now, we can't afford to keep filling cavities that have come from it. I don't at all regret getting it and it'll always be one of the cutest piercings I think I've ever had, but it was just time for it to come out. Is it hard for you to get over a lover? I THINK I'VE MADE THAT!!!!!!!!!!! O BVIO US S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you ever tried making someone jealous? Not to my recollection. Did your last relationship end because of you or the other person? Both of us really, but she initiated the breakup, you could say. Who is the last person you flirted with? Sara. Who's the most racist person you know? Jesus Christ, I live in the South. I know dozens of racists. I guess the worst is uhhh OH the aforementioned Colleen, holy fucking shit. I highly highly highly doubt that has changed at all since we last associated with each other. If you could be a film character, who would you be? Let me be Alice Liddell. Crunchy peanut butter or smooth? Smooth is the only way to go with pb. Would you rather always be in a crowd, or be the only person on earth? "Always be in a crowd. It wouldn’t be fun, but I think it’d be better than being that alone." <<<< This. I legitimately think I'd wind up killing myself in the other case. Would you rather be rich, or famous? Why? "Rich, because...what’s the point of being famous if you’re not rich? Just everyone knowing all of your business?" <<<< Also this. Do you squeeze the toothpaste from the top or the bottom? "I start off from the top until it gets used enough that I have to squeeze up from the bottom." <<<< Lemme just steal all this person's answers lmao. How many children do you want? Girls or boys? None, but if I was to have kids, I'd definitely want a girl. Is there a story behind your name? What is it? No. What was one of the most fun things you and your college roommate did together? I didn't have a college roommate. Well wait no, during my first college attempt is when I lived w/ Jason, Jacob, and Amanda. I'd honestly prefer to not think too hard back on it to answer this. Does anyone know your bank pin number other than you? Who? I don't even have a bank account. Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend who was depressed? Yeah, multiple. Would you be embarrassed to buy pads/tampons/condoms? Which one more? Pads or tampons, nah. I'd feel awkward buying condoms though. Are your parents gullible? Dad probably is; he has very little common sense. I got it from him lmao. Mom, heeeeell no. Do you still own a VCR? No. What color is the computer/laptop you’re on? Did you buy it yourself? It's black. No. Does the smell of cigarettes, weed and beer repulse you? All three do. Was the last person you kissed younger or older than you? Younger. Have you ever purchased Girl Scout cookies? Yeah. How often do you drink Monster? Never, because I don't like it. Have you ever made totally pointless videos with your friends? HAHA I was a cringy teen once, my friends. Do you like sitting on the inside or outside of a restaurant booth? Inside. I feel safer. Do you own a nightgown? No, I haven't worn those since I was a kid. Have you ever worn fishnets? Fishnet gloves. I WISH I could pull off fishnet pants. Would you rather go out to eat or be eaten out? In times like THESE???????? Bitch I wanna go eat out at a yummy restaurant. Do you always wear your seat belt? ABSOLUTELY. I get so stressed out when I see people not wearing one. Have you ever liked someone much older than you? Not much older. Have you ever been in a play? Just school ones as a kid. Is there ice cream in your freezer? No, but there's popsicles from when I couldn't get my tongue ring out and it was massively swollen and in terrible pain. Thank God I finally got it out. Have you ever liked the lyrics of a band but hated the music? Probably. Does your bathroom have a window? Yeah, but it's very small and up kinda high. Do you go somewhere to get your eyebrows done? I used to, but I don't anymore. I just leave them be. Do you believe prayer really works? Nope. Have you been on a date in the park? No. Are there any diseases/health problems that run in your family? A whole. Fucking. Lot. To just name a few, depression, high blood pressure, heart disease, cancer, diabetes... Do you have asthma? No. Last person to take off your pants, besides you? Jason. Least favorite alcoholic drink? Mother of God, this white wine I tried at Colleen's forever ago. It was fucking repulsive. How did you meet the last male you texted? I mean I literally came from his balls so like Have you ever had an embarrassing email address? Ha ha yeah, the one I've always had. It's not very adult-ish or "serious"-sounding, but I don't want to change it now. Do you put shampoo in your left or right hand? Left. I squeeze with my right. Do you have a bull ring through your nose? No, I don't feel that would look good on me. Do you and your dad get along? Yes. When was the last time you did clay work/pottery? My last year of art in high school. I made an anatomical heart for Jason. I wonder a lot if he still has it after how much work I put into it. Do you like art, hate it or just not mind it? I adore art. The world would be so much more boring without it. If you had to choose would you prefer dull pain for 12hours or sharp for 2? Ew, dull. Two hours with sharp pain sounds awful. Do you know the words to the national anthem of your country? Yeah. Would you rather be a Model, Famous Scientist, Singer or Chef? Scientist, probably. I'd love to be a biologist anyway, and that's a type of scientist. Would you rather be a pilot, crime scene investigator or estate agent? Ohhh, crime scene investigator. Does making others happy really make you feel happy? Yes! Did you ever swear at a teacher in school? Why? No. Have you ever pricked your finger on Holly or another ‘sharp’ plant? Yeah. Have you ever written your own short story? Yes. What about a novel? Or perhaps you started and couldn’t finish? "I started writing several novels, but abandoned them all." <<<< Same yo. Either of the above, if this was the case, place short synopsis here: The first one was about a very close meerkat family, divided into elemental "breeds," and the prince falling in love with another of his kind. His father had a stray brother who constantly aimed to destroy the family, but he was converted towards the end. That's all I can really remember about that one. There were others like two species of animals I made also falling in love, despite being predators and prey of each other, and fulfilling some sorta prophecy with their offspring. The other two I recall- yo fuck it I keep remember more and more okay I wrote a LOT. Do you prefer SciFi/Fantasy/Action/Horror or Rom/Com/RealLife? I'm guessing you mean in books, given the last three questions? I have a strong preference for fantasy. What do you have a lot of faith in [note: can be anything]? Hell if I know. Would you rather have a big house, a lot of kids or a high flying job? High flying job, easily. I don't want kids, nor do I need a large house, especially considering I hate cleaning even this tiny one. Have you ever been to a creepy/haunted/abandoned place? Yeah. What did it look like and what were the circumstances? It was this really old, mostly dilapidated shack full of cool stuff. It was by the field near our old house. Me, my sister, and our friend hung out there and explored all the time until this freaky woman showed out and told us we shouldn't be there. Do you know a Jack? What’s he like? Yeah. I don't him that well though, so idk. How about a Lisa? What’s she like? Yeah, she's one of my WoW friends that I've become really close with. She is an absolute sweetheart, but talks about herself way, way too excessively to the point it's hard to have a conversation sometimes. I know she doesn't realize it, though. When you have children, would you like twins? I say enough that I don't even want kids, SO FUCK NO. Do you know any twins? If so, what are they called? Yes. Tyler and Taylor. I know others, but idr their names. What personality trait does nearly everyone in your family seem to have? We're stubborn as all fuck hell. Do you have any nicknames that aren’t derived from your actual name? Yeah, some online ones and then my mom has called me "Twinkie" since I was a baby. Do you have any allergies? Yeah, of pollen and silver. What is the longest your hair has ever been? To or maybe even past the small of my back. Have you ever been on a blind date? No, not my jam. What is the oldest piece of clothing you still wear and how old is it? I really don't kn- oh yes I do. I have these oooold old thin and sewn-back-up-fifty-times Batman pj pants from when Jason and I were together, so maybe like... seven years? Thanks PTSD, I'm attached to them because Batman was his thing. How often do you eat out at a fancy restaurant? Just about never. Nutella or peanut butter? UGGGGGHHHHH I've been on a nutella thing lately. Have you ever hosted a wild party? Definitely not. Name/author of the last book you read cover to cover. Do you recommend it? Wings of Fire: The Lost Heir by Tui Sutherland. Yes, it was very good. How many of your Facebook friends do you actually hang with? Besides my immediate family, like... none anymore. Have you ever donated blood? Yes. From 1-10, how much do you like decorating for holidays? This is hard to gauge. I've never seriously done it myself, and I don't really have the motivation to do it just to take it all down a month or so later. I love it in concept, but yeah. Favorite animated Disney character? Probably Kiara from TLK2. Have you ever cooked a big family meal by yourself? Ha, no. Favorite winter activity? TAKING PICTURES IN THE SNOOOOOOOOW. Do you consider rapping singing? I mean I guess? Does your home have a fireplace? No. Do you listen to any religious music? No. Do you drink soda? If so, which one is your favorite? Ugh... soda is my weakness. I'd probably lose weight easier if I just stopped drinking it. Mountain Dew Voltage is my favorite, and I've also been on a serious strawberry Sunkist thing lately. How easily do you cry? I cry very, very easily. Can you handle spicy foods? What is your spice limit? Oh yeah. The only way I know how to gauge this one is that I enjoy the "hot" sauce at BWW lol. I've actually kinda cut back on HOW much I enjoy it, though; like I'm more into enjoying my food thoroughly lately than the adrenaline of spicy food. What day of the week is laundry day for you? I personally don't do the laundry because Mom prefers to just do ours together, so. It varies, I think. Have you ever played spin the bottle? No. Do you have any stickers on your laptop computer? If so, what are they of? Not on mine, but the one I currently have to use has tooons. I don't feel like looking at the lid trying to list what they are tho. How often do you say "y'all?" It's pretty much in my normal vernacular due to where I live. Do you believe in evolution? Yes. I have questions and curiosities about it, but when you consider how truly short it has been since considerable natural selection has been observed, why couldn't it exist on a bigger scale? Do you live in an apartment or a house? I live in a house. How long have you been at your current job? I'm unemployed. Have you ever ended a romantic relationship? Yes. Phrase you say the most? Probably "oof" lmao. Have you ever kissed anyone of the same gender? If so, did you like it? Yes and yes. Have you ever given anyone CPR? No. Have you ever learned to do anything from a how-to video on YouTube? Yes, mainly just editing stuff. Have you ever auditioned for a reality competition show? No. Have you ever been in the audience for the taping of a TV show? No. I've been at hockey games with Dad, but I don't consider those "TV shows." Have you ever given money to a street performer? I've never even seen one. Do you own any homemade clothing? Not that I know of. Have you ever bought anything from a flea market? Yeah, decorations 'n trinkets and stuff. I love flea markets. Have you ever quit a job? Yes. Are your birth parents together? No. Do you or have you ever worn glasses? I've worn glasses for years now. Have you ever been broken up with? AKA died in spirit? :^) Have you ever been the victim of a nasty prank? Not to my recolleciton. Favorite fandom? Y'all been known, the Markiplier fandom is a goddamn family. Can you surf? No. What motivates you to do well in life? The knowledge that I've most likely only got one life to make something of. How lucky do you consider yourself? I mean, ALL things considered, I'd say I'm at just below the baseline, maybe? I mean I could be homeless or dying of malaria or something. Have you ever been summoned for jury duty? No. Favorite summer activity? Swimming! Have you ever lived on a farm? No. I wanted to for years as a little kid, though. How often do you get mad at yourself? I've lately been in an almost constant state of anger regarding myself, honestly. Have you ever gotten any stitches? Yes. Favorite YouTube channel? The Marker Plier guy. Do you have a pool at your house? No. Last thing that made you laugh? Something on Game Grumps. Earbud or earmuff headphones? Earbuds. Earmuffs hurt my head and ears. Have you ever been a bridesmaid or a groomsman? Yes. Have you ever gotten a New Year’s kiss exactly at midnight? I don't think so. Have you ever voted for a reality competition show? The only time I did that I remember is when Landau Eugene Murphy Jr. won America's Got Talent. I adored him and voted like mad. Does anyone in your family currently serve in your country’s military? Ummm maybe distantly? I don't know anyone off the top of my head. Are you comfortable with watching rated R movies? Well yeah.

#survey #surveys #questions

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veridium · 5 years

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Ya’ll I need to tell you what happened last night because it was unreal and I had such a blast.

So I’m at the bar with a group of people from my department (like 10-12 people) and we’re all just there to have a great time. I go up to the bar to get some water and a hella cute queer person was standing next to me and talking to a guy, and they notice me and we exchange smalltalk while I’m waiting for my water. I didn’t know what their connection was at all but in my head I was like “omg this person is hella cute I wanna kiss them.” But I didn’t, of course, and went about my night. I just stood there, eating my fries, minding my own business (yes, there were fries involved).

Later on I go back to the bar and the guy is there, and he’s just kind of being a complete douche. He’s aggravating some of the older lesbians up at the bar with his condescending manners and I try not to look like I’m with him or associated but of course that’s fucked because for some reason he fixates on me while we’re standing in line and starts telling me why he and his ex “went to a Dyke bar.” Apparently they were on a work trip together and were with their work friends who were being shitty for whatever reason so they ducked out. But the way he says it is like the most annoying way to explain a situation, like, ever. I grin and nod, despite being bothered that a). he called it a Dyke bar, and b) he exists. He also puts his hand on my bare back which, you know, is disgusting. But anyways, he lets me go first in line and I promptly get my drink and hit the eject button outta that situation. I had the urge to stop by where his ex was sitting and apologize and say “I get it,” but I don’t, because I don’t know how they feel about them or what’s going on, so I mind my business. Again.

WELL. WELLLLL.

About an hour later I’m talking with my friends about this person and how attractive they were and whining about their ex, and I swear to gay Jesus, I look to my right and THERE. THEY. FUCKING. ARE. And they smile and come and sit down right next to me and start talking to me. They say that their ex was talking about me after we “introduced” ourselves at the bar and she couldn’t stand being around him anymore so they came to sit next to me. They say their ex is a pain in their ass, and has a weird attachment to them even after the break-up, and it sucks that they have to work together since he’s technically their superior. BREAKING NEWS, THE ASSHOLE IS AN ASSHole!

BUT OF COURSE, the ex sees this (probably smells it tbh) and comes over and tries to helicopter the situation. My crush and I exchange looks and then I turn to him and go “hey there, I’m like....so thirsty and dehydrated, could you please get me some water and do me like, like, the BIGGEST favor,” all femme-damsel-in-distress. Honestly where the fuck is my academy award because HE FALLS FOR IT SO FAST AND VANISHES. This gives me and the person a few minutes to continue talking. Pfft more like me telling them how attractive they are and how much I actually wanted to talk to them instead, but whatever.

The ex does come back (the perils of asking for beverages) and I’m like shit, what the fuck do I do now. This is where my crush is like “nah I got this” and turns around and tells him to go dance by himself. “The night’s winding down, dance while you still can!!” and that sort of stuff. He’s trying to weasel out of it, clearly he wants to stay, but she manages to persuade him. Inebriation, am I right?

But like the douche he is he pulls out his watch and goes, “alright!! but we have 19 minutes before we have to head back!!” and vanishes once again. Have I mentioned I hate him?

So, my crush looks back at me and shrugs sadly. “Yeah, so, that means I have 19 minutes before I turn back into a pumpkin.”

To which I put down my water, smile and say, “Oh, well, then that means I only have 19 minutes to kiss you.”

*Commence 19 minutes of making out, me wiping their lips with a damp napkin because I got black lipstick all over them, us talking about their job as a professional touring acrobat, me kissing their bicep bruises, them telling me about how shitty their ex is and how great it’s been since they broke up, me being like hell yeah, more making out, laughing, and my friend texting me from across the table “GET ITTTTTT” with like 20 emojis*

Some of my favorite parts were:

Me: *breaks kiss* I think you’re my first Cancer, actually...

Crush: Oh, really? Damn, well, how’s it going?

Crush: My ex is going to see all this black lipstick on my face and it still looks so put together on yours...

Me: Oh yeah well, like, I invest, ya know...

Crush: So I kept losing my purple mason jar so that’s why it’s tattooed on my arm now so I can remember it and also ask people if they’ve seen a mason jar that looks like this *points to bicep*

Me: Oh my god that’s so gay and hot and practical at the same time....

The 19 minutes did end, though. But let me just say, the realm of self-pleasure and satisfaction I had saying goodbye to the guy when he came to get them and leave was on such a superhuman level of smug, my gay ass ego almost astral projected out of my body.

And that is why, friends, you never underestimate a Dyke in a Dyke bar.

#personal #long post #not DA #cw: alcohol #cw: sexism #my life is an L Word Spin off

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brieannakeogh · 5 years

Text

Dog Days of Summer- Ch 1

New story!!! Happy New Year!

Dog Days of Summer- Chris Evans X plus sized reader. Dog days of summer are usually defined as the hottest of the year, some define it as lazy days. This year ‘hottest’ has nothing to do with the outside temp. You meet Chris and Dodger Evans while taking your own dog to the park.

Master List

Warnings: Cursing

Chapter 1

Boston, it was an...interesting city. You had always assumed when you moved to a large city it would be New York, or LA, you hadn’t even given Boston a thought, but when your fiance got a big promotion you packed up anyway. He had told you it was going to a great opportunity, what he really meant is it would be a great opportunity to fuck his secretary.

It hadn’t even been two months of moving before you found them in his office plowing her from behind. He was never the creative type. So now you were stuck. He had told you, “Quit your job” “You’ll find something when you get there.” “Concentrate on the wedding.” “My new position makes more than enough to support us.” He was so full of shit.

At least he felt guilty enough to let you keep the apartment and pay 6 months rent in advance. You still had a little nest egg saved up from before the two of you got a joint account, which will last for a while, not having to pay rent. He also let you keep the dog. ‘Let’ is used kind of loosely, he never did like your dog, so during him getting his shit out, he forced the dog in your arms and actually said “This will keep you company.” You wanted to smack him, but your hands were full.

Popcorn had been in your life before Mr. Asshole, as you were now referring to him. Popcorn is a chihuahua, long hair, not ugly like some of the short haired dogs. He didn’t really have the typical personality of a chihuahua either. He didn’t bark much and was extremely lazy, which is why halfway through the walk to the dog park, he stopped and wanted to be carried.

This dog park was new to you, the one that Mr. Asshole had found was actually further away. Of course you found out later it was closer to ‘her’ apartment. Regardless, this was only a few blocks away and you were happy to be out of the house. After Mr. Asshole left you decided you had enough saved up for a much deserved break. Taking a month off before you started looking at other jobs was a good idea so far, even if it had only been a week.

You had been working since you were 18, sometimes multiple jobs at a time. Saving every penny, for the future. Future house, future car, future life, while your present life was put on hold. For once it was nice to not think about what the future holds and just be.

It was a nice little park, not too terribly big, but enough space that it didn’t feel crowded. There was a rod iron fence around the perimeter and benches as well. There were a number of dogs with their owners and it didn’t give off a weird vibe some parks did.

You set Popcorn down unleashing him, but keeping his harness on, so he can run around. He had other plans and stayed seated at your feet. You pick him up and set him on is feet again, pushing his butt. “Come on, there are lots of dogs to play with. You can’t be the only lump.”

You sigh when he still sits back down, looking up like “whatcha going to do about it?” Placing your hands on your hips you shake your head and decide to sit on a little bench, hoping he will be motivated later.

Just as you were about to walk away, you hear a man shout, “Dodger!” and a big brown and white dog jumped happily on your legs. “Well hello there!” Patting his head and giving his ears a ruffle. “You like to play don’t you? Not some little lump of a dog.” Popcorn notices your attention being pulled away from him and jumps up on your other leg, vying for your attention.

“Dodger! Get off of her! Sorry about that.” The man that shouted earlier grabs the dog by the collar and pulls him back to his side.

“It’s ok, he’s just excited.” You laugh, as your suspicions are confirmed. Yep, the man that shouted and the dog, you’d seen on many a twitter post, were in fact standing in front of you.

Popcorn still wasn’t happy with you, now having someone else to compete attention for, and started a bit of a whine as he jumped. “Fine you little useless thing.” Bending down to pick him up, he lays contently in your arms, but you know it won’t last. “Can’t you be as excited and running around like Dodger? Huh?”

“He doesn’t want to play?” Chris asks.

“Nope, sat right down. I even carried him half the way so he wouldn’t get too tired to play with the other dogs.”

“I see the problem.” Chris tells you and you lift an eyebrow waiting on an explanation. “You brought a rat to a dog park.” His exaggerated smirk wears thin on you, because he thinks he’s so clever.

You scoff and roll your eyes. “He’s not a rat!”

“He’s a chihuahua, same difference.”

You hold him out for Chris’s inspection. “He’s long haired and adorable, nothing like the rat chihuahuas. Besides there isn’t anything wrong with having a rat as a pet, they’re cute.”

“You’ve had a rat as a pet? I would think most women would be scared of them.” He reaches out to pat Popcorn, his large hand engulfing his head.

“I didn’t have a rat, but I had a feeder mouse I kept as a pet for 2 years until she got a tumor on her back and she died of cancer. My dad even did a cancer walk in her honor.”

Chris’s grin got wider and wider until he was full out laughing at the end of it. At some point in the conversation, Chris had let go of Dodger’s collar and was lazily throwing a ball to him. You set your dog down and watch as he again sat on his butt by your feet, watching Dodger play fetch.

“So what’s the rat’s name?” Chris asks with a smirk.

You choose to ignore his derogatory comment to your dog. “Popcorn.”

“Popcorn? Isn’t that a little odd for a dogs name?”

“Technically his full name is Burnt Lightly Salted Popcorn.” Chris stares at you wide eyed at the long name before he starts to howl in laughter.

“Jesus woman you’re a trip you know that?” He tells you after catching his breath.

You shrug your shoulders. “When he was a puppy he was a dark gray blue all over but for a bit of white on his chest and the tips of his paws, he could also fit in the palm of your hand. It made sense at the time.”

“Only to you maybe.” He chuckles.

“Like Dodger is any better? It’s boring.” You roll your eyes.

“Hey, maybe his name is boring, but at least he’s not. Popcorn just sits there.” He counters smugly.

“He’s also old, see all the gray around his muzzle?” You bend down giving him a pat and scratching under his chin so he lifts his head up.

“He is all gray and white. You can’t tell age from that. I’ll give it to him, at least he’s not a yappy dog.”

“Yeah he’s a big old weirdo.”

“Like his owner?” He smirks down at you.

“Hey! I resemble that remark!” You stand up, playfully glaring at him until you let out a laugh.

He laughs along. Pointing to a bench he asks, “Do you want to sit?” You shrug and nod. Popcorn noticing you are moving away, gets up to follow you. Dodger is still chasing and bringing the ball back to Chris, but once the two of you sit he lays down just chewing on it.

“I’m Chris by the way.” He extends a hand to you when you’ve both settled down.

“Yep, the best Chris as well.” You wink at him as you take his hand, shaking it. His eyes widen and gives you a puzzled look after. You pull your hand away. “What? Did I say the wrong thing? Should I have pretended like I don’t know who you are?”

“No, no, sorry don’t worry about it. It’s nothing.” He says looking down at Dodger and scratching his head.

“I figured most people you meet would know you. I mean Dodger is famous after all, and your his owner.” You knock your shoulder into his, to get his attention, and smile at him.

He sighs. “Yeah that’s true.” He says before giving you a lopsided grin of his own. He reminds you that you hadn’t told him your name, so you do. The awkward tension lessens and the two of you go back to joking around, Dodger playing with his ball, even Popcorn getting up and peeing on a bush in the corner.

After awhile you start getting hungry, until you know it’s time to go. “I’m starving, I think Popcorn and I are gonna head out.” You tell him standing up and stretching. He stands up with you.

“Yeah I’m starting to get hungry too.” He hesitates before he asks the next question. “Did you want a selfie before you go?”

“Huh? Why?” You are genuinely thrown off by the question.

He chuckles at your expression. “That’s just what most people want.”

“Oh, I mean I know what you look like Chris. I’m sure I’ll see you back here again, unless your gonna not talk to me anymore, in which case I won’t want a selfie anyway.” You pretended to be offended and huffy.

“I don’t make it back home that often ya know, but I’ll probably be here the next month or two. I just didn’t want you to miss this pretty face.”

You pick up Popcorn, talking to him. “Ok it’s time to go Popcorn. The ego is out of control with this one.”

“Ha ha.” Chris laughs sarcastically, and you giggle back.

“Seriously it was good to meet you. Make sure you say hi if you see me around. I know I’m intimidating and all but I don’t bite.” You laugh and he just shakes his head at you, thinking for once you were going to be serious.

You both hook leashes to the dogs and walk out the little gate together. It was getting awkward again, not knowing how to say goodbye. So you did what had been working for you all this time. You said goodbye to Dodger. Squatting down, ruffling his ears. “Now you be a good boy and look after your dad, because he needs all the help he can get.”

“At least I don’t have a rat as a pet.” He counters. He watches you roll your eyes at him and now he really doesn’t want to leave. He hadn’t had this much fun talking to someone new in a while. Most people were careful about what they said around him, full of compliments and praises, you hadn’t even told him if you liked his work or not. Maybe you were just into his dog pics on twitter? “I just remembered there is a great little bistro around the corner from here. They are very dog friendly too.” He tells you.

Dodger seems sad when you stop petting him and you stand up. You try to figure out if that was an invitation or not from Chris’s expression. ‘Oh fuck it.’ You think. If that’s not what he means, it’ll suck but if he does mean that, how often do you get the chance to eat lunch with Chris Evans?

“Sounds good. Lead the way?” You nod at him and fall into step beside him as he starts walking. His long legs and energetic dog, is making both you and Popcorn have to almost jog to keep up. “Think we could slow down? My stride is much shorter and Popcorn is tired from sitting on his butt all day.”

“Sorry, habit.” He slows down to match pace with you, and you pick up your dog, toting him around again. “Are you new to the area? I hadn’t seen you at that park before.”

“Moved to Boston a couple of months ago. I live just up that street and two blocks to the right. My fiance use to take him to a park that was further away then this one.” You think you see the little bistro up ahead.

“Ah, guess he didn’t realize there was one closer.”

You clear your throat. “No, he knew. That just happened to be closer to someone else’s apartment. I should have said ex-fiance.” Chris was starting to look uncomfortable and had that pity face everyone gets when you tell them. “Its weird calling him that, because in my head I just refer to him as Mr. Asshole. So you see my dilemma.” You laugh a little as he stops at the place you thought. Definitely cute and a little outside patio to sit. You see a couple of other people with their dogs.

“Yeah, I think that’s a better name.” He nods and turns to the hostess telling her it would be for two people and two pooches. She leads you to a patio table and there is even little water bowls brought for the dogs.

“Wow they have a little food section for the dogs too. Guess they get a lot of traffic from the dog park.” You tell him looking at the menu.

“I always forget that this is here, not sure why.”

“You travel so much, it’s understandable. I still need to explore the area more. Seems like I’m getting stuck in a food rut.”

The waiter stops by the table. “What can I get you guys to drink?” Both of you order water. “And will this be separate or together?” You don’t really like the condescending look he gives you at that question. For all he knows this could be a date. Chris is maybe totally into newly single, plus sized girls, that have weird animal naming habits and a rat for a pet. He doesn’t know.

“Separate.” You said at the same time Chris says. “Together.”

“My invitation, my treat.” He tells you.

“Nope, that’s not how this works. I would have had to buy my own lunch anyway, so it’s no skin off my teeth. You can show off how much more money you make than me at a later date.” You smirk, nudging him with a leg under the table.

Chris just looks down and shakes his head with a smile.

“I’ll give you guys a few minutes to look over the menu while I get those drinks.” The waiter tells you.

“So what do you do that pays so poorly?” Chris asks when the waiter leaves.

“Right now, nothing.” You tell him still reading the menu. When he doesn’t respond you look up at him. He’s waiting for an explanation, so you set the menu down. “I use to work in an office, back where I lived before, but I quit to move here with Mr. Asshole. It was kinda quick and he told me not to rush finding something here, but when we broke up I decided to take a break. I’ve never taken a vacation, never stopped working, and I had a little money saved up.” You shrug. “So I’m taking a month off to enjoy my freedom, before getting back to the grind.”

“Never taken a vacation?” He asks incredulously.

“Not since I started working at 18. My honeymoon was going to be the first one in a long time. I was very thrifty.”

“Then I think you deserve your time off. You gotta have a little fun in your life.”

“That’s what I’m doing now. Living in the moment, not worrying about paying for a white picket fence future. We were together so long, I never did get to go wild, although I’m kinda too old now.” You laugh.

“Pish! You’re only as old as you feel.” He tells you leaning back in the chair.

“Says the 35 year old frat boy.”

“37, thank you very much.” You stick your tongue out at him. “How old are you?”

“Don’t you know it’s impolite to ask that question to a woman?”

“I thought you were all independent with the whole separate check thing, besides you started it.” He points at you.

“I started it? What are we in kindergarten?” He just shrugs at you, keeping eye contact, waiting on a response. “Fine. I’m mophaiftaxz.” You mumble something at random.

“I’m sorry I didn’t quite catch that.” He turns his ear to you and leans in.

“I’m mophaiftaxz.” You say louder, but still say nonsense at the end. You spot the waiter, walking up. “Hey look who it is! Good timing! Look Chris it’s…” You cock your head reading his name tag. “Ron? Ron! Our favorite waiter!” You beam up at Ron, who looks slightly concerned now.

“Just ignore her, she’s drunk.” Chris says offhandedly to Ron.

“Who would be drunk this early on a weekday?” Your tone offended. Chris just points to a group of four wealthy looking ladies, all having wine with lunch as they cackled. “I am not a rich housewife. For one I would have to have a husband, and I’ve already told you about that. Two I would have to be rich.”

“Living in this neighborhood you can’t be too bad off to afford one of the apartments around here.”

You decide to ignore the comment and take a sip of water that Ron dropped off.

“Is...uh...is this a bad time to take your order?” Ron is very uncomfortable.

“Now is a great time Ron!” You pick the menu back up, realizing you hadn’t decided what you want to eat yet. “Why don’t you go first.” You gesture to Chris.

Chris looks utterly amused and his eyes glint as he throws you under the bus. “No, no ladies first.”

“Umm...ah...right….I’ll have…” You close your eyes and randomly point. “This!” Without looking at what you’re pointing at.

“Ma’am that’s part of the dog food section.” Ron is now done with your shit, while Chris can’t contain his laughter. Throwing his head back and doing his signature boob grab.

You kinda want to keep up with the crazy person bit, just to see how much Ron can take but you also don’t want to eat dog food.

“Fine.” You let out a sad sigh, and point to a sandwich that sounds decent. Chris orders his food the normal way.

“I think we’re going to have to give Ron a big tip.” Chris tells you.

“It would be even bigger if he learned to play along.” You grumble.

“Hey it’s not Ron’s fault you’re a crazy person.”

“But what does it say about you, if you’re hanging out with me?” You smirk at him.

“It means I must be bored to tears at home.”

You tilt your head a little to figure out if that’s true or not. “Between projects?”

He nods. “Taking a break too. Next shoot doesn’t start for two months.”

The silence stretches out, you take a sip of water, he does too. You want to ask him what his next roll is, you also what to ask him about Avengers 4 spoilers, but mostly you want to ask if he wants to hang out again.

“You know, I might be taking Popcorn to the dog park more.” You tell him, catching his eye over your water.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yep, I’m thinking tomorrow about 3?” Three is a good time right? Hang out time. Not looking to go out for food as it’s between lunch and dinner, and not at night looking for a party. The longer he stares at you the more antsy you get.

“3 could work.” He says finally as you let a breath out. The smile you send his way is dazzling and he thinks it could rival some of his on screen counterparts with how much your face lights up.

The moment is interrupted with Ron bringing out the food. Your sandwich looks good, and way too big for you to eat the whole thing at lunch. Chris got a salad with a massive slice of salmon on top. “I always forget to tell them to put the salmon on the side. For some reason cut up chicken and steak is fine mixed in but with salmon I want to eat it separately, and look the lettuce is all wilted.” He frowns, poking at his bowl.

You look around for someone wearing an apron and see a waiter just finished taking someone’s drink order. “Excuse me?” You yell a bit to get his attention. “Can we get a little side plate, and quickly? Hot fish and cold lettuce is no bueno.” The waiter leaves and you stack your sandwich halfs on top of each other, making a little room on your plate. You push the empty side across the table to him. “Here set it on my plate till they bring you your own.”

“I didn’t say that to be difficult you know.” He tells you as he uses two forks to lift the piece of fish onto your plate.

“Exactly how is this making you be difficult? I mean, honestly, who likes hot wilted lettuce?” You give an exaggerated shutter.

You scootch a little closer over to his side, at the round table, so you can both eat off your plate for the time being. A few minutes later Ron stops by the table with a plate in his hands. “You had asked for another plate?” His eyebrow lifts in suspicion on what you two plan to do with said plate.

You take it from him. “Thanks Ron! I wanted to show Chris here a good plate juggling act I’ve been working on. It’s got a good 10% success rate.” Keeping a straight face the whole time, Ron looks terrified that you’re serious. You make a small shooing gesture with your hand as Ron reluctantly turns to leave. Smirking at Chris beside you, you hand the plate over.

“You ever think about going into acting? Or more specifically comedy?” Chris taunts.

You sigh and shrug. “Another life maybe.”

The rest of the meal the two of you talk about everything and nothing. Some banter and some serious, the conversation flows well. Almost the second that your forks are down and napkins in plates, Ron shows up with two checks, handing them off quickly.

“I get the sneaking suspicion he wants his table back.” You giggle.

“No! Not our good friend Ron!” Chris adds with a smirk and shocked outrage, as he reaches into his back pocket for his wallet.

Settling up and both leaving a more than generous tip for the distress caused to Ron, you get up and usher the dogs out of the patio area.

“Thanks for the lunch company Chris.” You tell him while standing awkwardly on the sidewalk.

“It was fun.” He grinned, hands in his pockets. “So 3 tomorrow at the dog park you think?”

You nod. “Yeah that seems like a good arbitrary time, right?”

“Maybe I’ll see ya around.” He gives you a half smile smirk, then looks down at the dog by his side. “Dodger, let’s go home.” The dog takes off leading the way, Chris doing a small wave as he goes.

“Ok Popcorn, your turn. Mush.” He sits there. “No? Alright.” You sigh and pick him up, walking back to your apartment.

Next Chapter

So I’ll have chapter 16 up next week for Between a Rock and a Hard place. I’m debating if that should be the finial chapter or if I should do an epilogue.

Here is a picture of Popcorn, yes that’s really my dog, and yes that is the reason behind his name...

Anyways, I tagged my Marvel and Everything list. If you want to be added or removed from tags let me know!

@spidey-babe-parker, @ultrasilentwhispers, @stevieang, @albinotigerpython, @paintballkid711, @katykyll, @avengersrulez1536, @ultrafreespirit, @wantingtobekorra, @i-had-a-life-once, @boyfriendsarebetterinbooks, @ghostssss, @babybeluuga, @bodhi-black, @kanupps06, @hatterripper31, @grandloser, @reniescarlett, @kjidhzyx, @normanreedus5150, @ilovethings-somuch, @spiderman-2013, @bloodyvalentine93, @xx-raven, @passionghost, @r-avenclaws, @prettybubblesintheair, @averyrogers83, @ria132love,

#Chris Evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans x plus size reader #plus sized reader

232 notes · View notes

zombiepatch · 6 years

Text

Tagged by: @mysterygreentea !! thank you!!!! i love these things so much :’>

Rules: Answer these questions and tag 20 people you would like to get to know better!

under a read more because i just so happened to do this while in a VERY ramble-y mood lmao,

Nickname: ollie is technically a nickname actually BUT rari

Zodiac: cancer

Height: 5 ft

Time: abt 2:30 am

Favorite band/artist: i cant just pick one soo, lemon demon, tally hall, cosmo sheldrake, glass animals

Song stuck in my head: fucking...Too Many Cooks. i feel like im actually in hell.

Last movie I watched: little shop of horrors...again...

Last thing I googled: i was worried it would be something terrible but it was just “ao3″ so thank FUCK (even tho...i have...ao3 bookmarked...sometimes i do things the long way for no gd reason.)

Other blogs: i have.. a lot, but i’ll list off the ones that are still active / relatively active, @vividscreens (my oc aesthetic blog), @nbchorochan (choro aesthetic blog...barely active tbh...i need to step it up), @rariveins (blog for my gore art! i just made it Recently so there are only 2 drawings on it as of now) aaand a couple ask blogs but neither are active hhhh

Do I get asks?: every now and then!

Why did I choose this username?: this was an mlp blog when i was 13 and my fave was rarity so just...combined her name w/ tee hee bc i thought it sounded cute. to share a lil secret, i dont like my url that much anymore but i just can’t bear to change it bc i’ve been w/ it for so long (also i’ve been signing my art w/ it for a year now lol...)

Following: 342

Average amount of sleep: lately i’ve been getting 6-7 hours. (but sometimes 4 on nights that i stay up Too Late)

Lucky numbers: 6

What am I wearing?: a gray / blue long sleeve shirt and red boxers

Dream job: aaa, i’d be happy w/ any job that involves me making art! in the most ideal world, i wanna illustrate children’s books and write/illustrate graphic novels. so i guess in general, illustration! i can definitely settle with any job that’s quiet though ^^;;

Dream trip: japan or germany (and other german speaking countries) (uh once i had a dream that i went to japan and saw my former german teacher there which was rly weird vnkdjfnv)

Favorite food: any and all curry and pho :’0 GOD NOW I WANT PHO

Play any instruments?: i took piano lessons when i was little and now i RLY RLY WISH I HADN’T STOPPED

Eye color: blue

Hair color: well...rn it’s brown and a weird green that used to be blue bc i’ve needed to redye it but i keep putting it offfff

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: rain, old newspaper clippings, succulents, run-down houses, cloudy days, sharp animal teeth, earth tones in general, uh...polar bears. (some of these i just glanced around my room to come up with vnkdjnvjkfnv)

Languages you speak: english and some german (i’m super out of practice...i lost motivation this past year and gave up for a few months bc i had a new german teacher and the way she taught rly rly didn’t work for me and made me feel like my german was only getting worse,, but now my mindset is that IM NOT GONNA TAKE 5 YEARS OF A LANGUAGE CLASS JUST TO GIVE UP ON IT)

Most iconic song: uuuuuuh two trucks having sex

Random fact: i pace around a LOT. hours of my day are spent pacing around my room w/ headphones in. there’s so much shit i don’t get done bc i’d rather pace and daydream ^^;;;

i know im supposed to tag 20 people but i always stress abt that kinda thing SO, i tag literally anybody who sees this and was sweet enough to actually read this haha ^^ if ya wanna do this, just go for it and you can say that i tagged you! (bc i absolutely DID tag you and i love you!!!)

#ollie txt

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pimientos-especiales · 5 years

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So I was on this website trying to print out a bread recipe, and this article caught my attention

SAY NO TO NUTELLA, IT IS POISONING YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN

I’m like, oh boy, this oughtta be good. IT DOES NOT DISAPPOINT.

In order to protect our kids from the harmful GMO foods, we all must stand and say one large and loud NO. These foods are even advertised as healthy ones.

Yeah the literal decades that GMOs have been around with absolutely no evidence of harmful side effects are like... whatever. And yeah bitch, corn IS healthy, GMO or not (fun fact, all corn is technically genetically modified. We’ve modified it so much over the millennia that the kind we eat can’t grow on its own anymore. Also it used to look more like a pretzel stick before all our genetic modifications.

Image source: http://thescientistgardener.blogspot.com/2010/04/how-teosinte-lost-its-shell.html

People are convinced by the intensive advertising that Nutella is healthy for our kids, but the bitter truth is that it cannot be even listed in the group of healthy foods.

All right. I mean it’s a nut spread, so yeah, it’s not on my list of most healthy foods.

In fact, all the ingredients contained in Nutella aren’t harmful or GMOs, but the product will be harmful with only one bad ingredient.

[citation needed]

You should know that there are four harmful substances included in Nutella.

The Dangers of Nutella:

Oh boy here we go!

Soy

The Asian people will disagree with this statement because the soy is part of their diet for centuries. Actually, they consume small amounts of naturally grown soybeans, opposite of the western civilizations today that eat artificial soy in pretty big quantities.

Fun fact: Literally nothing in this article has any sort of source backing up any of these claims.

Now I know, from using my eyes, that in the U.S. we do in fact have actual soybeans on the market. I’ve eaten them many times. What is artificial soy? They don’t say.

Nutella contains soy lecithin which is dangerous for the human’s health.

Was this written by a robot? “The human’s health” who talks like that?

Soy lecithin is apparently produced from soybean oil, so... not artificial. It’s literally produced by actual soybeans. It takes some science to get it out, but it’s a byproduct of soybeans, and not like... fake soybeans. Also the first result in my search bar says soy lecithin is widely used even in health food stores. It’s a pretty neat article, it lays out the pros and cons of soy lecithin, pointing out there’s more benefits than risks. Also it’s full of sources to external websites! https://draxe.com/what-is-soy-lecithin/

It is connected with thyroid depression, uncontrolled weight gain, late menstruation, fatigue, premature entry into puberty and breast cancer.

Late menstruation AND early puberty, at the same time? Also as a woman, I wouldn’t complain about starting my period later than it did. Actually, don’t we have a problem in this country with girls starting puberty a little too early? Like, when they’re younger than 10? From the hormones they were putting in cow milk? This website, written by an author about a book someone else wrote, talks about the declining age for the start of menstruation and puberty: http://www.cwhn.ca/en/node/39365

(see, it’s not that hard to get sources, even when you’re cherry-picking to back up your own opinion)

Also that article I linked to earlier (the draxe) one says soy lecithin may PREVENT cancer, lower cholesterol, relieves menopause symptoms, and help deal with stress. So basically the article that has sources is saying the opposite of the one without sources. HM.

I’ll give them the thyroid thing, the thyroid is dumb and sensitive as shit, it probably does wig out over soy lecithin.

Sugar

Nutella contains derived from GMO sugar beef

what

which is inexpensive and filled with pesticides and altered sugar that our body cannot recognize.

Okay there’s no such thing as “sugar beef”. What are you talking about?? Okay according to Nutella, they have BEET SUGAR, which is different from sugar beef (which sounds like a weird nickname you’d give your hung husband). Pretty much every food has pesticides on it. That’s why GMOs are so popular, they breed stuff into them so they’ll naturally repel bugs and won’t be covered in pesticides! Oh, oops. And golly, the Nutella website says their beet sugar/sugar cane is non-GMO. Talk about a coincidence!

And aren’t beets a root vegetable? How much pesticides would be on the sugar extracted from a root vegetable?

I’ll say it again, it is very cheap. These sugars are considered as neurotoxins since they can penetrate the blood brain barrier which results with elimination of the brain cells. They are also related with ailments such as ADHD, ADD, autism, migraine, anxiety, depression, etc.

Yeah, companies like it when things are cheap to harvest and produce, because people don’t like buying expensive food. GOLLY.

Also considering scientists still have no idea what causes autism, [x] doubt. All right, I’ll give that it does make sense to link neurotoxins with neurological impairments. The blood-brain barrier works to prevent toxins from reaching the brain. It’s just, you know, if there’s a lot of that stuff in your blood, it’ll get to your brain.

I’m not convinced, however, that sugar from beet roots are neurotoxins.

Also, manganese is a neurotoxin but also there’s a Daily Recommended Value for adults and children to consume it. So, neurotoxins on their own aren’t bad for you. If you had way over the daily recommended value like every day, that would be bad.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manganese#Biological_role That article has like 200 sources on it!

ALSO if you want to talk about Nutella being bad, just point out that it has a lot of sugar in it. If it was healthy, it wouldn’t have sugar. Or at least, not as much sugar. The end.

Skim Milk

You can see a green meadows and happy cows on every milk package, which is an advertising trick of course.

Where the hell are you shopping that it’s just a label that says “SKIM”?

The milk inside is not a skim milk, but pus filled milk of sick cows that were exposed on GMO including corn, antibiotics and many other things that are meant to decrease the costs.

“Decrease the costs” of WHAT? You not only have no sources, but you don’t elaborate on what you’re talking about!

Milk is NOT pus-filled. Food sellers don’t want their food to be gross. That’s just logic.

I brought up the cows on hormones thing, I think places are getting better about not pumping their cows full of stuff, but okay, I’ll give you that one, crazy lady.

“many other things” [citation needed][what things?]

At the end the resulting product is odorless milk that contains powdered milk. Powdered milk contains the most dangerous type of bad cholesterol.

Okay so according to Nutella, they used skimmed milk powder. Which makes sense, since it’s not a dairy product, that there wouldn’t be FRESH MILK but rather, powder.

The lady who wrote this is one of those judgmental bitches who complains about women formula-feeding their babies, I’m sure. So, powdered milk is just milk that’s evaporated, pretty much. Because dry stuff has a longer shelf life than wet. Apparently the powdering process makes the cholesterol really concentrated, but there’s a lot of debate about whether it’s bad or not.

Here’s an article about soy milk. It’s not a super professional source, but it’s well-written, at least. https://www.organicfacts.net/skim-milk.html

Vanillin

The label of every vanillin says that it doesn’t include artificial colors, but the vanillin itself is an artificial flavor.

This part is honestly what prompted this post. Just read it again. You want to me to take your scare-mongering seriously and you say that?

Also here’s the Nutella page on vanillin

So, uh, they flatout say that their vanillin is synthetic. The nutritional label says the vanillin they use is an artificial flavor. What it also says is “contaisn no artificial colors”. So this dumbass is accusing Nutella of lying because they can’t read a label or think artificial colors and flavors are the same thing.

Nutella also goes on to explain, in a way that matches what I’d already read, that although vanillin is naturally produced by vanilla pods, they can’t get enough vanillin just that way, so they synthesize some of it. Vanilla is so hard to harvest, because you get like no flavor even out of a ton of beans, so that’s why natural vanilla is so much more expensive than vanilla extract.

It is able to trick our brain and make you feel the true vanilla flavor.

Natural vanillin smells like vanilla, so... okay.

The brain is easily tricked.

The truest thing this article has said.

Vanillin is a neurotoxin which is capable to kill the brain cells.

Oh here we go again.

In addition, vanillin makes us addictive

you mean addicted? You got paid to write this article!

while connecting the receptors in the brain and releasing serotonin, the hormone of happiness.

Oh no, this food makes you feel happy when you eat it! Throw it away! If only mankind were capable of self-control and could just stop eating something sometimes if they realize they’ve had too much of it today! Everyone should be sad all the time always!

Also, anyone notice that these terrible side effects are all opposite to each other? One of them causes depression but another causes happiness. Do they not balance each other out? Or is it some sinister thing like first the sugar makes you depressed, then the vanilla makes you happy, so you think you need to keep buying the Nutella to keep yourself happy because the Nutella is making you depressed? And then you’re broke and homeless because you spent all your money on Nutella.

Also, apparently there’s like 0.08 g of vanillin per 400g container of Nutella. So that’s 0.0002%. For 400 g. A serving size is about 37 g, so that’s 0.0074g of vanillin per serving. So, negligible. THE HORROR.

It is produced in China petroleum-based factories which makes this country one of the largest producers of vanillin in the world.

I mean it’s nit-picking, but what a poorly-constructed sentence.

China is one of the largest producers of pretty much everything. It’s a large country and companies know they can get really cheap labor from there.

I hope these facts

“that I couldn’t be bothered to provide ONE source for”

are enough for you to decide to throw away these neurotoxins, GMO sugar, cheap and artificial vanilla and say one big, decisive NO to Nutella.

Don’t Forget To Share With Your Friends And Family On Facebook, As You Might Help Someone In Need!

Yeah if I know anyone in need I’ll forward them this article. Sure they’re penniless and homeless because of all the Nutella they bought, but at least they’ll have a printout of this article to use for firewood!

Also I can’t believe they didn’t mention palm oil! Now, Nutella says their palm oil is ethically harvested and sustainable and isn’t contributing to deforestation, but if you’re going to write an article full of unsourced half-truths anyway, why not bring that up?

Here’s the Nutella website that I referenced a few times: https://www.nutella.com/en/us/inside-the-jar1 Sources also came from Wikipedia, because it was sometimes the only source I could find that had professional sources on it and weren’t like “hippiebullshit.org” websites.

I just really liked that even the organic/healthy eating websites were contradicting this person. Also, shockingly, the article was closed for comments!

Now I’m no expert, but Nutella has sugar and cocoa in it, so just from that I would assume it’s not actually the health food Nutella pretends it is. But I think it’s going to be among the least of your worries when it comes to food that may kill you.

#long post #the gmos are poisoning our water supply!

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venusintimbs · 3 years

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because

you’d stopped texting me back for two days after being a habitually prompt respondent. i was not supposed to call you when i got home from boston. i caved because in part i was getting worried about you. but you were doing great, it turns out, you were having lots of fun with your new roommates (much younger) and trying to engage with, well, younger students otherwise. i say deliberately that my research presentation went well. you said oh sorry yeah, i forgot i’d had an appointment at the same time. not even a “congratulations,” or an “im sorry” or “good luck” before you missed it. i said i didn’t think you’d attend because you’d stopped responding to me. you said oh i’d just hidden the notifications from you so i must’ve missed your messages. now that you had new roommates for friends, and new undergraduate freshmen to flirt with, you didn’t need me anymore, so you were no longer thinking about me or wanting to reach out.

long time ago you screamed at me when i accidentally set off the fire alarm in your kitchen. you said “stop looking at me” and if i wanted to just stand there being useless, then go stand in the hallway.

you’re always so addicted to your phone - when i’m with you, you actually hardly talk to me, just messaging your gambling buddies (once, it was other women on dating apps).

the entire time i was in boston i couldn’t help but be heartbroken the whole time, reminded of the worst thing you ever did: you confessed to me, after a fight, that you’d planned me a surprise trip to boston the whole time, and how you didn’t have any “side chicks" and i was overreacting for nothing. i said that i’d love to go still - you said okay, but later. you ghosted me for a few days after that and it turns out you had just decided to go to boston on a whim. later, later on, you told me how you took an old friend-with-benefits to this very upscale hotel in boston that you’d meant for me, and how you fucked her in it (a “friend” you had mutually liked for a long time because you actually super get along and she’s “the only” woman who gets your sense of humor, but then she ghosted you once she got engaged, and she came crawling back to you after the relationship didn’t work out...)

whenever i asked you, communicating that i had a feeling that you were no longer interested in something exclusive, you lied about not seeing other women multiple times before you finally confessed to me. i knew something was up when you made weird excuses not to see me, and no longer wanted to have sex. but you had said “of course i wouldn’t sleep with girls behind your back, that would be so messed up...”

you bought lingerie and sex toys for a much yonuger girl you were just using to satisfy your sexual needs. you tried to pass these off as presents to me later on. i knew they were not, because i left them at your house, and after we made up and decided to commit, you returned them saying that they gave you buyer’s remorse.

you tried to pressure me into a threesome (your unfulfilled sex fantasy) with any one of my friends. you decided not to when i looked uncomfortable, hesitant. and of course it was one in which you got two women - not that i’d also be able to have two men.

after we spent a nice afternoon driving around hamden, you said you had such a boner thinking about the hot girl on instagram with amazing tits, HER TITS WERE SO AMAZING and she was totally your type (which i never was).

you totally would have asked the cashier out if i hadn’t been there with you.

but it’s not your fault i’m this insecure...

you claimed you didn’t owe me anything back then because we weren’t “technically dating.” back them,. though, you said “we’re practically dating anyway, i just don’t do labels.” putting me in a position where you could take all you wanted fo me without feeling obliged to reciprocate. you were the one who wanted me to start sleeping over at your place after we became physically intimate... you rushed the situationship so quickly back then, which was unsettling.

weirdly enough you never had any criticisms, ever, zero, of other girls you’d dated in the past, when most men will normally have some sort of complaint about why it didn’t work out. these are women who wounded you deeply by leaving you for another man because you were a serial cheater. yet i’m the one who’s super insecure, immature, and mentally a four year old, and how nobody normal and healthy acts like i do.

you were thinking about reaching out to the past woman after you looked her up and found out she was engaged to the man she left you for - a situationship that ended really badly and was completely over. i really doubt she’d ever want to hear from you again, and out of the blue at that, when she’s celebrating and planning her marriage. i don’t know why you are still thinking about her like this when you supposedly really love me.

you were always on dating apps while at last committed to being my boyfriend. after i confronted you, you said you decided to turn off your tinder profile (note: not delete). soon afterwards you were using hinge right in front of me. and you blamed me for making a big deal out of it and that this is just how you are, you like to look and you didn’t even do anything.

you kept bringing up a fun time you had meeting a teenager at a friend’s party, while you were on vacation in california and had slowly ceased to reach out to me with affection. after we technically broke up, you told me about how you were gonna sneak her into a bar (!??!?!?) and take her shopping for winter clothes (even though this was the summer!??!?!). i told you that you never took me out to a bar. you said “what? you can’t even drink!” you’ve definitely seen me enjoy drinks.

you call me a bitch and motherfucking cunt during our fights, but i call you a piece of shit, so.

you can never supposedly remember certain things that you tell me, i always supposedly remember the weirdest or most insignificant things....

i called you when a social worker called me to say you were admitted to the psychiatric ward. even though you’d texted me earlier that day saying that it wasn’t going to work out, and you no longer wanted to meet my parents (a milestone YOU’D volunteered).

when you found out your mother had cancer i showed up at your house with your favorite drink (poetically, something you’d discovered with that other woman). i drove out to buy your favorite junk food because i knew you hadn’t eaten again. i agreed to watch some movies you’d picked out to cheer yourself up (you spent a good amount of the time raving about how sexy the actresses were, and how incredibly blessed their husbands must be..). i let you borrow my car to see your mum for her first chemo, and for you to get your first driver’s license so you could see her more regularly (!!).

i was the only woman who probably ever tried, really tried, to get you back into school once i could see how broken you felt not being able to face your licensing exams. you hadn’t even touched school in six months, which is the era you fell “head over heels” with another woman whom you wanted to date. (for some reason, early on, i was led to believe i was special for being the one who was meant to be something more than either a hook-up or a friend).

you were so affectionate, gracious about paying for meals, giving me surprise presents when i was new and fresh and you were still trying to win me over. gradually, you stopped cuddling after sex, even though you know i just like to cuddle, and eventually you told me you got bored of sex with me too, naturally.

you were more than happy to book two weeks to see your female friend in california while you were there for a wedding... but it was like pulling teeth to get you to spend an afternoon with me because you were stressed or just didn’t want to.

you started my birthday reminding me how i burnt your oven and made it all disgusting that one time (and i cried feeling guilt and shame, but mostly hurt). i’d booked myself an airbnb honestly anticipating that i’d feel like shit over my birthday weekend. for some reason i felt compelled to invite you, buti did not receive a penny for the gas or for the lodging after you offered to split the cost.

supposedly you didn’t have the time to prepare anything for my birthday, not even a card or a note. but you did have plenty of time to buy yourself so many nice new clothes, and later on for your roommates as well. oh, and the whole time you spent hours a day chatting with your online friends who help you gamble... people who will give you the conversation you need, but with whom you don’t have to face any real social repercussions then the relationships go awry. because they tend to, with you.

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thedeaditeslayer · 6 years

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Bruce Campbell interview: Hail To The Chin, Evil Dead, Spider-Man, Burn Notice, Jar Jar Binks.

Here’s a rather long interview that is worth the read including some brand new info on Bruce’s career and the past.

Serendipity is a beautiful thing. At the beginning of 2009, when Den of Geek was still relatively fresh faced, Mr. Bruce Campbell was over in the UK to promote My Name Is Bruce, a film he directed and starred in that playfully skewed his own persona and we were fortunate enough to get some face to face with the man himself, having trekked through an eerily abandoned London in the midst of a freak snow storm, which you can read here.

For this particular writer though, it marked my first ever interview – a high point in itself, but with the added pressure of speaking to one of my all-time heroes. Consequently, due to Sir Campbell's generosity and good nature during the process, it gave me the confidence to continue down that path and I've been forever grateful. In the years since, partly due to not wanting to tarnish the memory by risking a second encounter, we hadn't crossed paths again, but since he was heading back to the UK to promote his latest book Hail To The Chin: Further Confessions Of A B Movie Actor, and I was fortunate enough to be offered the chance, how could I say no?

The interview ended up taking place just before he was about to head to Forbidden Planet for a book signing and as a result of a busy schedule, the location had been moved last minute from Titan Books publishing office, to his hotel. On arrival I was told to head up to the restaurant area, where I spotted Bruce with his assistant (as well as actor and stuntman) Mike Estes sat up to the bar. Having arrived early I apologized and introduced myself, offering to take myself elsewhere until the allocated time, but Bruce proffered a bar stool and as I sat, got me a beer and things flowed from there.

As a result, instead of the usual formalities, we ended up chatting for nearly an hour, so below is the core of the conversation – especially as there was often digression into talk of alcohol. Tequila is his "poison of choice", though his description of Laphroaig whisky had me in hysterics during a mid-interview pause when referring to Mike as "Sucking on saddle fumes, he's smelling the balls of the earth right there! It's Sasquatch's ball sack drippings. It's a saddle that's been rode hard and put away wet. There's scotch and then there's crack of the ass of the earth – you can quote me on that!"

Hail To The Chin: Further Confessions Of A B Movie Actor is every bit the honest, insightful and compelling read that the first Chins book was, with Campbell's unique voice making even home improvement entertaining, as it follows the next fifteen years of his career from Jack Of All Trades to Ash Vs Evil Dead. Though I thought I'd start our conversation by asking about the person who's endured the most throughout his career, which he answered with his usual dry humour…

There were two things that really struck me about the book, in terms of recurring themes, and the first one was Ida your wife, and the amount of suffering by proxy she's had to endure.

Yeah, I put her in the hospital. I almost got her arrested by Bulgarian police! She puts up with a lot of shit. It's just because I'm so dynamic and amazing, it's really what it is, that's what keeps her coming back for more, otherwise she'd be married to some drip, rich attorney, some guy who couldn't get it up, I mean you know…

An easy life!

She knows what she could be stuck with, so - I have a friend Danny Hicks, Danny's like 'You know what, my wife is never going to find anyone better than me', he was convinced of that, he's just a random friend of mine, actor friend of mine. He was utterly convinced of that. So, that's my approach, she can't possibly do any better… although she could, but it's fine!

So, you're relying on complacency?

Smoke and mirrors. No, not complacency, with my wife what works is keeping her off balance. Like, she doesn't like the same thing over and over again, so this provides that, but then she complains that about not having any kind of stability, I'm like 'Well, careful. Careful for what you wish for!' I'm a Cancer, I'm supposed to hunker down and never leave, but I'm never home, so that's a great irony of my life.

Did you get to bring her to London for this tour?

Well, when you say 'get to', I mean, she picks her cities. She'll go 'You can have Gary, Indiana, I'm coming to London.'

That's fair enough though!

Oh my god, what a great life she has!

It's sort of weird having an informal setting to do an interview, I'm so used to the hotels and…

Yeah, those are a bore.

Press rooms and things but...

Press rooms are a bore!

It's funny because I've only ever spoken to you once before, nine years ago when you were over in London for…

My Name Is Bruce! With the snow storm.

It was the freak snow storm.

It was! How many inches did we get? It was either, we either got eleven inches and it was the most in seventeen years, or it was seventeen inches the most in eleven years - it was a long time. They were afraid the beer was going to run out throughout the city.

Oh really?

There were a couple of articles that were like 'What would happen?' because train operators couldn't get to their stations to operate the trains. I mean, it wasn't even like the trains couldn't run, operators couldn't get to the trains. It was amazing. That was my last time here.

Was it really?

Yeah, it was the last time I was here!

I should say, I owe you a debt of thanks because that was actually the first interview I'd ever done.

Oh, that's hilarious.

And I had to go in and think 'Ok, let's see if I can do this', but because that went so well, you actually gave me the confidence to go and do more.

Good! Good and I will be responsible for you getting out of the business… eventually. I know people who are very powerful in media.

Oh I see, so you can get me fired?

Well, you said it not me.

[Laughing] So when did you decide that the time was right for Hail To The Chin, because technically it's a second part to the first Chins book?

To the trilogy.

There's going to be a trilogy?

Oh yeah! Fifteen years, Final Confessions. George Lucas, eat your heart out man, I've got the original trilogy. No, it just evolved into that and it seemed like it was time. A lot of weird crap had happened. Business changed, I changed, move on in my life, it wasn't the same old same old anymore, there was a different criteria for working, so by the end of act two, I'm ready for part three.

We're also going to know really soon if they're up for season four of Ash Vs Evil Dead, or not, on Starz.

Oh, is it that time?

Oh yeah, we're within days now.

Because last time you were here, you just found out that Burn Notice had gone straight to the top of the ratings.

Burn Notice was doing well, yeah, that was a good run - that was a good seven year run. We tied Miami Vice. Miami Vice did hundred and eleven episodes and so did we. They ran fewer seasons, but they did more episodes per seasons. Those days they did twenty two.

So was it just fortunate timing then that, by the time you knew that the second book was done, you could stick the Ash Vs Evil Dead chapter on the end?

Yeah, because I was going to end with Burn Notice - you always want to end on a big note (adopts nerdy voice) "Oh yeah we're the number one show on cable!" and "Oh yeah everything's great" - you always end it with that, always, why would you not? You don't want to say (in a low register) "And then we got cancelled." But this way I could tell the whole Burn Notice story, but the most important aspect was being able to literally crawl back into the womb. That was why ending on that note, to me, was way more important. I got to go back to the very beginning again. I started with Evil Dead, I may very well end with Evil Dead. That may very well be one of the last professional gigs I do and it was one of the first.

With The Evil Dead, as you say in the book, you owe it gratitude but it almost seems to be a love/hate relationship – and those are my words obviously.

It's more love than hate. It's only hate because I'm actually more type cast by fans, than by my own industry. Within my own industry I've worked for Disney, multiple times, I did Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs, I did Love Bug. I did a French film, La Patinoire, Gold Rush I did for Disney also. So I've done unrated, I've done Disney, lots of TV, but if that's all you watch, that's all you watch. If you're a horror person, then you'll only know me for that.

I've done a western, I've played the King of Thieves, Hercules, Xena - I could go on. So, I only get pissed off when people say "Hey how does it feel to be best known as…' I'm like 'Best known to you.' I've got people who watch Burn Notice who didn't watch Evil Dead. They wouldn't watch that shit, they like spy shows. They don't like gore. Not a lot of people did find out that the old guy on Burn Notice made weird movies when he was younger. That's what cracks me up! [laughs and adopts nerdy voice again] "Oh I didn't realise you made these weird movies when you were a young guy", I'm like 'Yeah well, there you go.'

Absolutely and I love that a point of reference will and should change depending on who you are. When I left this morning, to my three year old I was going to speak to Coach Boomer, because I like to give him a frame of reference for what I'll be doing if I'm late back…

Absolutely, Sky High.

And so for him, Disney will be his first introduction.

Ours too.

Yeah, because as you say in the book - that's why it was good to get a call from Disney because you, like everyone, grew up loving Disney - I don't know anyone who doesn't. The other recurring theme I meant to mention from Hail To The Chin was, I couldn't believe how many times you've almost died!

Oh yeah, the infections...

The arm infection and car accidents…

Yeah well, that's life, isn't it? Here I am. I'm still standing. My time's not up yet!

Was it strange when you were writing the book and you put everything in succession, were there any themes that stood out?

Yeah, drive carefully. Always wear your seatbelt!

I think it's quite telling that the older I've become, the more interesting it is to read about your home renovations, as it is about anything else.

Well the guy who I was writing this with, Craig Sanborn, the guy who wrote the book with me, was like 'Do you really want to put that in about the bureau of land management? You think they're going to go "Whoopee!" and now we get to talk about the bureau of land management. So I'm like 'I don't know, it's interesting to me.'

I do think it's one of those weird things with age - when you're younger you think you're never going to take an interest in things like DIY, or gardening and then suddenly you hit a point where that changes.

Well it's called perspective and maturation and you realise that what you do isn't really the 'be all and end all', there's other stuff that keeps you busy. I love getting involved in land use issues, it’s important, water shares matter [I think he says], it doesn't matter who you are.

You also make a point as well that, as an actor, you get used to having people do things for you [he laughs] and so when you moved out of LA and into Oregon, you were on your own, because I always felt like my dad in particular could do anything, you know? Take a car apart…

My older brother could do that!

He could do plumbing and electrics and I feel useless by comparison!

Yep, my older brother can do any of that. Well, here's what I say – do Army Of Darkness. That's what I say to anyone who thinks that we either don't have skills, or what we do is sort of superficial.

And by that do you mean read and research?

Well, actually it's been kind of fun honestly to go back and to move out there and to re-establish skills too. So yeah, I do know how to blade my drive way now, so, I can do that but slowly. Yeah actors they do have a lot of stuff done for them, for sure. I'm not George Bush - George senior, George Bush didn't know what a scanner was at a supermarket.

Of course yeah, because he hadn't been able to just go to the shops.

He hadn't been expected to shop for so long and he didn't know what it was, he goes 'Wow look at this!' and I'm like 'Yeah, you scan it.' He was like 'Wow that's great!' It was like sending the Royal family in there - same thing [puts on appropriate accent] "Hmm what's this? Look at that! Wonderful!"

When you write about Sam Raimi, as he obviously comes up across various projects you've done, was it really a case of you ringing him and hassling him about being in every Spider-Man film?

Only randomly - only for the first one, I was like 'Sam, you're making Spider-Man, there's no way I'm not in that.' I'm like 'There's got to be something, you have forty eight cast members in that!' So yeah, occasionally I will, I'll just go 'Whaddya got?'

And Tobey Maguire was blissfully unaware of your working relationship!

After the second or third one he was sort of aware - I came back for the second movie and he was like 'What you doing back?' I'm like 'Hey man, you'll be gone one day, I'll always be here!'

I guess depending on your own knowledge of the two of you and your working relationship, you almost take it for granted that everyone is aware of your history.

Yes and no - it's really fun though working on say Oz The Great And Powerful, as Sam's fun and starts trash talking me in front of everyone and I start trash talking him back and the crew gasped, because they don't know who their day player is – a guy comes in to play a Winkie and starts talking back to this famous director – I laughed my ass off, it's hilarious. They're kissing his arse up one side and down the other, I thought it was hilarious.

But I find that whole thing surreal anyway, even from my perspective as someone that gets to do interviews, because a friend of mine who's a horror director has finally had his career take off, but it's taken twenty years of pushing and everything else that goes with it.

Very often it does.

And I interviewed him when he had a horror film out for Fox two years ago, so when I turn up and say I know the director and I'm going in to surprise him, they think it's an assumed familiarity, not that you're actually mates.

And you do know them.

But they can't get their heads round it, they look at it and think but he's made a film and you're writing about it - there can't be a link.

It's hilarious, I think. Well your friends are your friends, when they know this is all kind of funny. Your friends start taking us too seriously, that's when you go... fortunately I haven't had too many friends go crazy on me, some have though.

There's a lot of recurring friendships that pop up across your career, even in Ash Vs Evil Dead... there's suddenly…

Oh yeah, Ted's (Raimi) back, everybody!

How did Walker Stalker go for you this weekend?

Good, busy. I thought it was good idea not to come to the same place all the time.

Of course, you were saying it has been nine years since you've been over here.

It's good to create a bit of a vacuum. It can get a little too much of like 'Hey Joe, how you doing? if you come every year to Cherry Hill, New Jersey, at the same con, so I try to pace it out. If I've been to a city, I don't really want to go back for three or four years. So, we're going to do a tour for the trade paperback for this book in twenty nineteen in ten cities I've never been to before - or ten of my favourite cities.

That's good, because going back to If Chins Could Kill - the map in the back of that, I remember was insane when we spoke about it before.

Fifty five cities. I'll never do that again. Thirty five last summer, I'll never do that again. I'll probably never do more than twenty. Twenty cities, three months, two, to three events a week and then after three weeks, you've taken ten days off, before you start again. So you learn many lessons on the last tour… we re-learned many lessons on the last tour!

So, this one is going to be slightly less, is this for just the UK?

Everything will be less from now on. Well this one is for four cities, four events, this is easy money. This is nothing. Mike and I we laugh at this tour! [chuckles] I mean we toured from mid-August to the first week in November, so this is nothing. But it's great because I have not toured for a book in the UK period. I've released a book here through Titan, but I haven't toured and done that whole business. Because I want to get into that, I want to establish that relationship with markets outside the United States.

And its handy timing that it coincided with coming over for Walker Stalker…

[He makes a 'hole in one' potting noise and winks!]

[Laughing] Was it coincidence or a well-planned move?

It was not coincidence, because the Walker Stalker came up and then Dortmund, Germany came up and it actually started with Dortmund I think, so everything was wound up backing into Dortmund, then Walker Stalker came up and Mike reps me for doing appearances and we had done several Walker Stalkers in the States - they're a great new company, relatively new, run a good ship, get a great turn out - so we thought Walker Stalker in London, shit yeah, let's go do that.

Because you know this is the birthplace of Evil Dead, this is the cradle of Evil Dead - Palace Pictures, Steve Woolley, guys like that. They made it happen here, they premiered it at the Prince Charles Theatre, made it look like it was the fucking Poseidon Adventure. They went big, they didn't make it seem like it was something they were embarrassed about, they were like [mock shouts] Evil Dead!

Yeah, because it was the attention here that got it launched in the States.

Yeah, then it got banned here, then there was the lawsuit and we came back and then in '83 we were the number one video in the UK - The Shining was number eight. [laughing]

I'll underline that bit!

That was a beautiful moment.

Yeah, I bet.

I can't… I'm not even going to lie to you. Suck it Stan! If you can compete with the big boys, that's really all that really matters, you can compete - the little guy can compete with the big guy, that's what that represented. There was no 'fuck you' aspect to it, even though you go 'It's fucking Stanley Kubrick!' horror to horror, we went toe to toe. We didn't even go apples and oranges with Stan, we went horror to horror with Stan.

So, that was fun to do, so England - Sam Raimi's insists that we always refer to it as Mother England, because it is the birth of Evil Dead. We could not get arrested for it, we got no distribution deals before we got the deal here. And that's when New Line Cinema, which I called New Lies Cinema, that's when they went 'Oh you know we always liked that movie.' And so we then got a distribution deal because of here. And we thought that could be the opposite, we thought they'd rip you off overseas, you make your money domestically. This was just the opposite, we did a deal with Thorn EMI, right when video was going crazy, they kept sending us cheques, we were like there must be some mistake,

Aren't you're supposed to rip us off and we're supposed to sue you? Whereas New Line Cinema they advanced us some money and we never saw another penny. So, we took the video money they were supposed to get part of and just didn't share it and they never protested it. We were like okay, well that's your admission of guilt, right there. 'So how about this pal, you keep your money and we keep ours from video' and I guarantee it was actually more than they made. '83 was it, '83 was the explosion of VHS, right around there, police were in our world.

Of course, you were right of the middle of the video nasties ban with Mary Whitehouse and everything that came with it in this country.

Yeah it was amazing.

It created almost like an exponential want to see it - I remember being a kid at school trying to hunt it down.

Best PR ever. Ever. Don't watch this movie - you can't watch this movie. We're keeping it from you. It's not even that it's a higher rating, you know? The UK is like 'No, we're banning it, you don't get it, you don't get to see it at all, not even in a truncated version', so Sam came over, he was all prepared to testify in the court case.

Oh really?

Oh he had a whole Frank Capra, you know "Your honour, here we are as filmmakers…!" He was ready to give a William Shatner speech, but they never needed him and then they won. So it got released and then everyone was like wow, I've got to see this. It made it worse than it was! And now, look at Evil Dead compared to some stuff, compared to Hostel.

I was just going to say Hostel, it's funny that it took that long before there was a landmark like that, where suddenly everyone was like 'that's now the benchmark for splatter and nastiness.'

Yeah watching a guy's dick in a vice for an hour!

[At this point we've been talking for half an hour on record, so I ask if he'd like me to end the interview as I've already had over my allocation of time and he tells me I can finish when I feel I'm done, which I'm always grateful for and was a nice throwback to our first conversation when he gave me extra time. "We're fine, we're fine, my Laphroaig friend doesn't care!" he says gesturing to Mike, leading to the quote in the intro and then goes into an awesome breakdown of the history and geography of all kinds of booze from whisky, to gin, to rum and the measurements you get around the world when ordering – "Whenever the Queen is the money they get very funny about their alcohol!"]

So, we're going to know soon about the show (Ash Vs Evil Dead), this will conclude my touring for this particular book in this form – after this it will be the trade paperback in 2019, so a tour for that and if the show gets cancelled, for the first time in probably twenty five years, I have a blank calendar coming up.

And how does that feel?

Intentionally blank and it's the most fantastic thing I've ever seen in my life. There's a lot of stuff I want to do, but I'm going to shift over now. I'm going to get off the hamster wheel a little bit. Everyone has to make a living and make money, but now it's time to redefine how to do that, because you learn what you learn over the first various decades and then you apply what you've learnt to what you want to do. And there's stuff that I've just checked boxes: I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to do that anymore.

So you're just going to have some down time?

And also when you're actually working, it's like 'I'm not looking at tennis balls on sticks anymore.' That's what this is, you're not acting scene by scene - Mike and I saw a play two nights ago, you know here we are, actor and Mike does a lot of stunt work and TV himself - and so you're used to doing lots of little tasty bits, a shot here, a shot there and you turn around, whip, boom, you got it – so you go to see a play in London, as we're in the fucking theatre district and it was just such a joy to watch actors act.

One guy acts and the other guy acts and they get the react of each other and you get to watch the scene build, or not, whatever it is, you've got time to do that and those fuckers have got six weeks to figure that out, minimum – big shows, six, eight , ten weeks of rehearsal? Boy I wish I had that! TV shows they go "Hey, you're Ken, you're the bad guy? [shakes my hand to demo an quick intro] Let's block out the final confrontation *dying sound effects* and then you die over here". You've got about ten minutes of peace, you can chase the crew out of there and we would block the scene of the three of us talking and block it all out, but you've gotta do it quick and then you're shooting.

So it's always just nice to look at continuity when you see an actor just acting, and you watch them get out of breath, they sweat, they can't stop - it's awesome! And it's important to see that, because we start to forget. The film business is a form of acting, it's not the purest form, and if you get into special effects, sci-fi, horror – careful Robert Downey Jr. you're looking at a green screen, you're looking at a guy with a stick for the rest of your life. "No, it's over here. No, the world exploding is over here. Oh, no sorry, it's over here now".

If I never hear on a film set [nerd voice] "Three, two, one, GO!" because they're setting up and attack and everything's got to be timed because you're up on a rig, or you're up on a harness and everything has to happen at the same time. You know, how about "Action!" ready and action, no, it's like "Three, two..." and everyone in each department cues up a different number. I'm done with that. It's a very specific type of acting, it's like techno acting. It's like I should've gone into engineering school to do that kind of acting. 'Hit this mark, turn here, look up'. Army Of Darkness was front screen projection, so they were calling numbers "34, 35, 36, 37..." for certain numbers you had to be in certain positions to match what was happening behind you on the front screen. Stupid.

Liam Neeson almost quit! He did one of the Star Wars movies with Jar Jar Binks and then he did The Haunting, back to back. And he was like 'You know what? I think I'm done'. He was so disillusioned by that form of acting, he was like 'This is horse shit, man'. 'Jar Jar Binks, his tongue where? Oh, it's not here? Oh, it's here? Ok, so we have to go again 'cause the tongue is here? Got it. Ok, here we go.' [does a little Neeson impression] Cut. 'Did I get it?' 'No, you have to get a little higher.' 'How am I supposed to see it? Ok put a piece of tape on the wall, over there, so I can look up and know where I have to grab the tongue.' I mean, fuck off. Fuck off - why don't you grab the tongue? You grab the tongue!

At least he managed to carry that kind of thing off…

Some actors can and some can't!

But it didn't translate across the board in that film and you could tell people were struggling, it was just too much.

If your directions from a director are always 'faster and more intense'? I'm sorry man, that don't cut it. Some directors have no idea what to say to an actor, not a clue.

No and I think that George Lucas was sort of infamous for that, he got so preoccupied with the special effects and everything else, that the actors were almost secondary.

Funny thing about that was he was sort of bailed out by the story - crappy dialogue, not great finesse with actors, great story. So in the midst of it, clunky this, clunky that, it didn't really matter, because you've Jedi swinging through the air, blowing chunks out of concrete with their lasers [laughs], it doesn't matter, cool stuff, classic story telling, classic. Classic hero, so that's what saved that.

Yeah and it's interesting how you say in your book how Spider-Man set in motion B list concepts becoming A list properties, especially in terms of how Hollywood looked to then make money from its success.

Sam was a good choice to direct, because he really did read that - I didn't. Sam was the right choice because he was used to tons of special effects, so you have to be able to kind of manage that too, you've got this huge canvas all of the sudden and that's the thing about Sam, he was always too expensive for us, his ideas were always too expensive, Rob and I felt bad as producers, we're always trying to play catch up, trying to help him. Finally he got to these A levels, where he can do the most ridiculous stuff ever.

That's where he's always meant for, Sam wasn't actually meant for doing low budget movies, he did it because he had to, but he didn't actually stay in that game that very long. Darkman - that's a studio movie, 1989, that's not that long after Evil Dead II. Warren Beatty looked at Evil Dead II to see whether Sam should direct Dick Tracy.

Oh, did he really?

Yeah. So I know that Warren Beatty at his house had to watch Evil Dead II, with Molly Ringwald!

And on that note, we finally concluded the interview! Mr. Bruce Campbell, thank you very much.

Hail To The Chin is available now – come get some.

Oh and Luke, if you read this years from now, I want you to know what a dedicated father I am, as I left the chance to finish my beer alone with Bruce Campbell to race back to be with you when you were three, so count on me using this as leverage throughout your teenage years.

#Bruce Campbell #Den of Geek #Ash vs. Evil Dead #Hack/Slash #Starz Media #Lionsgate

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brown-rice · 6 years

Text

Tagged by @cafe-et-tiramisu for the “Truths Tag” thing (*・∀-)☆

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you respond with truths about you and choose 25 people to be tagged.

Tagging @transbakugoukatsuki @rmxstudiojd @leetaliel @kronchip @disney-princess-izuku @bean-paste-man @maytheamazing if you wanna do it.

I wrote so much OTL

Last:

Drink: Earl grey tea + milk

Phone Call: My sister telling me she was outside w/ my boba and food

Text Message: From my new friend Dean asking for help on the lab and about watching Violet Evergarden

Song you listened to: Kyouran Hey Kids!! - The Oral Cigarettes

Time you cried: Uhhhhh Tuesday morning having a meltdown over my midterms :^)

Have you ever:

Dated someone twice: If cheesy middle school romances count, then yeah

Been cheated on: Hmm, no even tho we were together all but in name

Kissed someone and regretted it: OML YEAH FUCK THAT GUY FROM AX

Lost someone special: Oh yep, last year I lost a lot of close friends b/c we’d just grown too far apart and they didn’t care about me anymore

Been depressed: /sweats nervously

Been drunk and thrown up: During fam reveal, I went too hard and overdid it, but was also proud b/c my limit is higher than I thought it would be KEK

In the past year have you:

Made a new friend: I made quite a few chill friends from the server and have slowly been making friends here and there at school!

Fallen out of love: I think so, I was in love w/ my childhood friend for a long amount of time, but I feel alright about it now

Met someone who changed you?: I don’t think I’ve met just one person who changed me since the “me” now is a culmination of my experiences/interactions w/ a lot of people

Found out who your true friends are: Sort of, although a little unfortunately haha. I’m thankful for those that did stick by me, but it resulted in me realizing that some people I thought would be a “true friend” were just taking advantage of me. srry im still a little salty/bitter abt this but im working thru it

Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah? Past hs me would have been really mad about it, but current me doesn’t care enough lol

General:

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: I know quite a few friends from band and high school, my server friends (who I’ve seen in pics or have heard in calls), and mutuals I’ve messaged

Do you have any pets?: YES I LOVE MY DOG HACHI, we also have a lot of fish in tanks and the koi pond back home. By extension, my roommate’s cat Sake is pretty much my cat now huehueh

Do you want to change your name?: Nope, I’ve never been much fixated on it besides how long my full name is

What time did you wake up this morning?: I technically didn’t sleep since I was studying for my ochem midterm and i got my ass handed to me in test form anyway

What were you doing last night?: procrastinating, lab hw, and studying for ochem

Name something you cannot wait for: On a smaller scale: AX. Long term: I just wanna be out of school, in a job that I kinda like and is stable enough so that I can commission all my friends and finally have a place of my own that I can decorate and call home without feeling lonely or suffocated

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: My brother-in-law’s name is Tom haha

What’s getting on your nerves right now?: Mainly classes and school since I still feel wrong about my career path, I had to drop a class, and my anal chem lab is frustrating the shit out of me. I miss cc

Blood type: I’m pretty sure it’s O+, but it could be O-

Nickname: Besides “Steph,” I’ve had a lot of nicknames over the years. Memorable ones are Stephie/Stephy, Steve, Vending Machine, Beanie Head, and “mom.” Neko and Mocha told me to add “daddy” and I die a little inside

Relationship status: Single and don’t really care to mingle LMAO

Zodiac sign: Ox and Cancer w/ Gemini ascendant

Pronouns: She/her, but don’t mind they/them

Favorite show: If we’re talking actual TV then Friends, B99, ATLA, Chopped, Voltron, Gravity Falls, and Danny Phantom. If it’s anime then /sweats as I look at all these shows

College: Transfer student from Mt. Sac now going to UCSD and i wanna mcfuckin die ayyy lmao

Hair color: It’s dark brown/black w/ light brown where the sun hits

Do you have a crush on someone?: Currently no, but I am low key flirting with Dean oops

What do you like about yourself?: Maybe the fact that it’s very hard to make me legit mad, but beyond that /sweats profusely

Firsts:

First surgery: Unless wisdom teeth removal counts, none yet

First Piercing: My mom got my ears pierced when I was like 1

First sport you joined: I think I took karate for a little in 4th grade?? I joined tennis and marching band at the same time officially in 8th grade

First vacation: Hmmm, I think I remember one of the first things we did when we came to America was go to Disneyland

First pair of sneakers: Oddly enough I remember my little slip-on Sketchers that were purple and white with pink, purple, and blue flowers

Right now:

Eating: Dino nuggets /w bbq sauce, and I might make some noodles b/c I’m still so hungry oml

Drinking: A fresh cup of early grey + milk

Listening to: Whatever’s playing in the DJ booth, which is Reach You - Sako Tomohisa

Want kids?: At some point yeah, I’m also pretty sure I’m gonna adopt at least 1 kid whether I have my own or not

Get married?: Maybe. That’s a problem for future me, but if I happen to meet someone(s) good for me, then sure

Career: After bouncing around a bit, I think I’ve settled into chemistry for forensics w/ specialization in pharmacology and toxicology. It still doesn’t feel quite right to me, but it’s the best I’ve got

Which is better?:

Lips or eyes?: Eyes, since I think eye contact can tell you a lot about a person

Hugs or kisses?: Hugs, but I’m big on personal space and barely accept hugs from even my closest friends, plus there’s some weird belief that I don’t like hugs?? and idk where that came from

Shorter or taller: I oddly like being the shortest person in a group?? So I prefer if people are taller than me

Troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker, I really can’t stand it when people are super hesitant or can’t make decisions. I’m rly tired of having to make decisions all the time

Romantic or spontaneous: Both, but I think I lean a little more towards spontaneity since I’m a person who likes careful planning. Romance is whatever for me, so I’d rather have someone push me to be a little more spontaneous

Sensitive or loud: A balance of both would be preferable, but if I had to pick, then loud. I’m a lot more introverted than I was before and prefer if people are a little more extroverted than I am but have a level of chill where silences are comfortable

Hookup or relationship?: Relationship. I don’t really do hookups. I know I could, and I’ve been asked to before, but I’m not really big on sex

Have you ever:

Kissed a stranger: Technically AX boy counts b/c I met him 2 days before we made out lmao

Drank hard liquor: Yeah, but I’m not super big on drinking and just enjoy a smirnoff ice/mike’s hard every so often

Lost contacts/glasses: Nope, surprisingly I haven’t lost my glasses yet

Sex on first date: Likely never, they’d have to be someone who I mesh with super well for that to happen

Broken someone’s heart: A few yeah. Apparently I broke my friend’s roommate so bad that every time he’d drink he’d just talk about how I was the one who got away

Been arrested: Not yet

Turned someone down: /sweats Yeah, a lot. I don’t mean this in a bragging way, because I always feel ridiculously bad about it, but my friends joke about me being “unattainable” and a heart-breaker all the time _(:3」∠)_

Fallen for a friend: I’ve only ever fallen for close friends oops

Do you believe:

In yourself?: Not at all

Love at first sight?: I think it’s out there, just not for me

#tagged #personal #about me #ty for the tag friend #just chilling before maybe another nap and then i get up to do actual work LMAO

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