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potassium-pilot · 3 years

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Prompt 14: Commend

“Uh…hey there, Haurchefant. You’re not mad, right?”

The Lord Commander told her how it took six knights to wrestle him back to his post, keep him from rushing to her side in the face of Shiva. He certainly looked as though he fought off a small militia, what with the ragged hair and the small bruises on his cheeks.

His arms were folded. A stern look fell over his face. This was not a happy man.

“What were you thinking, Dia?!” he exclaimed. This took her aback. For as long as she’d known him, he’d been quite polite, always using a gentle tone of voice with her. To hear him scold her so was…different, to say the least.

“Wagering your very being on a dubious theory which might allow you to enter Iceheart’s lair- knowing full well that she could have sufficient forewarning to complete her ritual to summon Shiva, anyway…? And then- And then- engaging the abomination in mortal combat?!”

“…Chief, that’s a morning warm-up for me.”

“By the Fury, Dia!” He was in no mood for her cavalier attitude towards her heroic actions. “‘Tis the stuff of ballads! A battle for the ages!” He slammed a fist on his desk and continued, “Would that I could have been there to fight by your side!”

“Haurchefant, you would have been tempered!”

“Yet, here I was, forced to wait- condemned to wonder at the fate of a dear friend for a veritable eternity! I would not wish such torture on my most hated enemy…”

The tension on his shoulders started to release, the fire in his words began to dim, and whatever appearance of civility he could muster returned. He let out a long sigh as if to release the anger through his breath, and said while attempting to sound calm, “…but you are here now, and that is what truly matters…”

“Chief…do you need a hug?”

He shot a devastating glare at her, making Alphinaud leave the room before the tempers would flare. “I’m serious!” she assured, “I wish I could have told you that I was going, but the moment sort of just…came together perfectly. Time was of the essence.” He shook his head. “I know. But truly, no reinforcements, Dia?! None whatsoever?!”

“Unless you have another fighter who can resist tempering, it’s hard to ask that of someone.”

“Ser Aymeric couldn’t even think of a contingency plan, should you have fallen?!”

Dia felt the crease of the missive from him in her pocket. She took it from the Temple Knight, who attempted to read it aloud for her, after pointing out to him, “I can read, you know”, and read it through silently before entering the amphitheatre.

“That’s the Scions’ job.”

“Well, what is their contingency plan should you have been mortally wounded? Is there a batallion of blessed champions that secretly lies in wait in the Rising Stones?” he questioned sarcastically.

“No, there isn’t.”

“Then how do they ensure your safety? Surely, they understand that if you go, so too does the future of the realm.”

She hesitated, feeling incredibly obstinate in the face of his challenges, but was ultimately forced to concede to that one with an “I don’t know.”

“There’s nothing that they do to make sure that the Savior of Eorzea can continue to save Eorzea?”

“There’s nothing they can do, I just go in and do what needs to be done.”

“But why?” he asked incredulously, “What good does it do for anyone to leave you as the only one capable of defeating these monstrosities?”

“I don’t know, Haurchefant! Okay?! I don’t know! But I am the only one, and there’s nothing that can be done to change that!” She reached the end of her rope with an argument that should have ended before it even began when she opened her mouth. It was his turn to express shock, his eyes widened and his eyebrows raised. His usually calm and collected dear friend, quick with a joke and happy to help, has put in place an impenetrable defense. She revealed a crack, however, when she took a breath and admitted, “A break would be nice.”

The two of them took a deep breath together to release the tension at the same time.

“What do you acquire from doing this, my friend?” he asked calmly, carefully tiptoeing about the topic to ensure they don’t fall back into hostility. She kept her cool and answered with a soft smile, “Adventure.” She let out a dharp breath from her nose. “I wish I knew why, but…there was always something about exploration that drew me. I love journeying into the unknown, I love seeking new paths…but sometimes, it’s nice to rest and know my surroundings.”

Haurchefant hummed in a tone that indicated both satisfaction and curiosity. “‘Tis interesting to hear your prerogative, Dia. Many take adventurers to be self-serving, glory-seeking ignoramuses.”

“That’s because a solid majority of them are just that.” She shook her head at the notion. “Glory feels rather hollow when you’ve seen just where it lands you. No, I’m an adventurer because there’s much to see and do…but I think I’ve seen enough for a while.”

He flashed his winning smile and assured, “None deserve respite more than you, my friend. Take heart, and enjoy what you have accomplished for now. I apologize if my venting of my anxieties have dampened your victory.”

She returned the smile and replied, “No, it didn’t. Call me weird, but…there’s something refreshing about someone close reminding me that what I do could kill me. Everyone always seems so sure that I’ll emerge victorious.”

‘Was there every any doubt that the Warrior of Light would succeed’, Alphinaud’s words rang in her head.

“There is never a guarantee in battle. I feel young Alphinaud should learn such a concept if he is to lead men.” Haurchefant shook his head and sat back in his chair. “You are indeed blessed as Hydaelyn’s champion, but you remain mortal, with limits. You have escaped the impossible on more than one occasion, but nothing that you’ve survived was incapable of killing you. I would much rather know that if you were in danger, that someone, preferably myself, would be there to do everything they could to protect you.”

She stared to the floor. “You very much are a knight, Chief. You couldn’t have protected me from Shiva.”

“Perhaps not, but it would be remiss of me not to try.” Haurchefant snapped back into reality when he reminded himself of orders he received. “Ah, Ser Aymeric wished to have words with you and Master Alphinaud in private. He awaits us in the Intercessory.”

“Ughhhh, do I have to?”

Haurchefant replied to her groans with laughter in his voice, “Is there something wrong with the notion?”

“I already had to accompany him back to Camp Dragonhead. If he needed to exchange words with me, he could have done so from Whitebrim, but we barely said a word to each other. We didn’t even look at each other. I don’t get it- I saved his people from a primal. Did I do something wrong here?”

Haurchefant knew exactly why the Lord Commander would do such a thing. A conference with the Warrior of Light was one thing, but a personal interaction? No work or other business to buffer? And with such a stoic hero (or so she pretends to be), seemingly larger than life? The man was probably a puddle.

“Perhaps he just wanted Master Alphinaud there to say these words to as well. Pray, go on ahead without me, Dia. Another matter requires my attention, but I shall join you anon.”

“Fine, but hurry up. I don’t want another awkward silence, especially if Alphinaud tries to harangue him into joining the Alliance again.”

“Halone be good, you must stop him if he tries again.”

“The kid’s tongue has a mind of it’s own, I swear. If he tries, maybe I’ll cast Repose on him.” Haurchefant laughed at what he hoped was a joke as she left the office to see for just what he requested privacy.

*************

Would Minfilia yell at me if I kicked Alphinaud in the head, Dia thought. For whatever genius he proclaims to be blessed with, subtlety consistently managed to escape his grasp. That in mind, she was more than a little relieved to understand fully the intention of their dealmakers. All they hid was a desire to keep the Garleans away, a desire she shared personally.

With that done, she followed the young Brave’s Commander out of the intercessory.

“Er, Dia, if I may have a moment…”

Or she would have, had Ser Aymeric not stopped her from doing so.

“I have no idea if there will ever be enough thanks for what you’ve done, but… I would like once more to say it: Thank you, Dia. Your risk was unimaginable, and that you were so willing to do it for a country you barely know… it’s astounding. While we owe the Scions much, to whom we’ll begin to repay by delivering supplies to Revenant’s Toll, I would also like to find some way to repay you personally. Mere words feel insufficient.”

Dia felt unsure what to make of the Lord Commander, but she appreciated the thought.

“Don’t worry about it”, she replied with a soft smile. She nodded to him and turned around to finally return to Revenant’s Toll.

Once she was out of the building, she retrieved the missive from her pocket, and re-read it once more to herself.

Inside the intercessory, Aymeric turned to Haurchefant with a question in mind that the lord of Camp Dragonhead could read with ease with the expression he wore on his face.

“Haurchefant, you’ve grown rather close with her, have you not?”

“As one should expect with one’s dear friends, yes. Why do you ask?” Haurchefant attempted to bury any hint of amusement.

“Have I insulted her? Has she said anything to you?”

He failed to hide it and released a closed-mouth chuckle.

“Ser Aymeric, she asked the same of you!”

His eyes widened in mortification, and his jaw dropped slightly. That he should be perceived as being insulted by someone like her, as if he had the nerve, felt unsettling.

“I…”

“She mentioned the return trip to Camp Dragonhead was… not the most pleasant of exchanges, to put it nicely. Now, Dia tends to do more than say, so it can be hard to interact; I cannot fault you for struggling to communicate. She does take some time to warm up, but with all due respect, Ser Aymeric, you must offer the hearth. I did so, and now, I couldn’t ask for a better friend and ally. You might find the same results, and clear up any misunderstandings, an important step if you truly wish to express personal gratitude.”

Aymeric kept his gaze to the floor. “Thank you for your candor, Haurchefant.” Soon after, he turned and exited the Intercessory alongside Lucia.

Haurchefant stayed behind to think. Perhaps it would be best to refrain from further intercession; ‘tis so amusing to watch Aymeric like this, he mused.

#ffxivwrite2021 #ffxivwrite #ffxiv #haurchefant greystone #female wol #aymeric de borel #fanfiction #two of my three favorite ishgardians #anyways in this canon they’re besties

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softcannoli · 3 years

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you are the person who got me to watch the untamed and now I am BEGGING you to tell me what guardian is and where I can watch it.. is there time travel because sometimes I see two gifsets that do not seem like they're from the same show

ooohhhhhhhhohohohohohohohoohohhooo ohhhhhhh boy where do i even start

so uhhhhh Guardian is an on-fire trashcan of a show and also the only thing I've been able to think about for like a month. It's based on the novel of the same name by Priest, which I have not yet read but have heard is very good.

I say "based on" bc I have been given to understand that it is a VERY loose adaptation, bc the novel is pretty much entirely about That Gay Shit™, the undead, reincarnation, and literal gods, all of which IIRC are big no-nos under censorship laws. So the show had to get a little creative, and so now it's about aliens? and time travel? sort of? It's weird, but that's okay, because the show is far more interested in the homoerotic subtext, of which there is OODLES.

So basically our two main characters are:

Zhao Yunlan, who is a regular human dude who is in charge of Special Investigations Department, or SID, which is essentially the department of Supernatural Monster Cops, who are responsible for making sure superpowered underground alien people don't come up to the surface and run roughshod over regular humans, and

Shen Wei, a mild-mannered university professor who is Actually Ten Thousand Years Old, and is also secretly a superpowered underground alien person. He knew a dude 10,000 years ago who looks exactly like Zhao Yunlan for unknown (timey-wimey) reasons, and was very obviously in love with him, so when he meets Zhao Yunlan he is IMMEDIATELY lost in the yearning.

There's also a bunch of other people who work under Zhao Yunlan in the SID, and they are all absolutely delightful and have a whole found-family sort of dynamic going on.

Is this a good show? I think if I'm being totally honest I would have to say no? But is terrible in a bunch of truly delightful ways. The CGI is literally shit-tier. Some of the props could not more obviously be made out of craft foam and paper-mache. The quality of the dubbing work is really uneven, and by the last 15 episodes or so they seem to completely give up and some of the lines are dubbed over by someone who is CLEARLY not the same voice are the person speaking. A lot of the writing choices make NO sense, and the plot starts to go completely off the rails somewhere just past the halfway point. (there's also some stuff that is bad in like, a bad way, but I'll talk about that a bit at the end of the post)

The thing about this show is that it's gay. Like GAY gay. Like The Untamed was pretty gay, but I could conceivably see someone cover their ears and shut their eyes to all the gay subtext in that show and convince themselves there's a heterosexual explanation for everything. Not so with Guardian. Like, I really, legitimately cannot fathom even the most willfully ignorant person not picking up on the vibes between Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei. I simply cannot picture it. There is, in fact, NO heterosexual explanation for them.

The show throws in the most flimsy, half-hearted nods to the idea that Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei are just Good Platonic Buddies, and then in the next scene will just drop in a 5-10 minute sequence of Shen Wei taking a sick Zhao Yunlan home, tucking him into bed, staring at his sleeping face with a face full of tenderness and longing, and then cleaning his apartment and folding his laundry for him. It's fucking unreal.

The show was very clearly trying to push the limits of subtext to see exactly how much they could get away with, and as far as I can tell the answer they got was "not that much", bc I've heard some suggestion that the show was pulled shortly after broadcast for another round of edits.

So it's on Viki, but if you don't want to pay for a streaming service and don't mind sliiiightly sketchier subs, it's also on Youtube! It might be some other places too, but those are the ones I know about.

I'm going to stop now bc this post could seriously be like 5 times longer but please watch Guardian and join me in my daily cries about Shen Wei (Zhao Yunlan can come too I guess, but it's mostly about Shen Wei, bc of the inherent eroticism of loyalty and life debts)

Lastly, bc I would be remiss not to mention it, here's some warnings about the worst things I can remember off the top of my head. I personally still think the show was well worth watching, but there's a few things I sort of wish I had known going into it, beyond the vague warning "the ending sucks". It's gonna be spoilers, so read at your own risk.

There's some talk about suicide in the first arc which isn't really that bad in the grand scheme of things, but can come across as dismissive and/or insensitive. There's an arc somewhere in the mid-20s that leans on some really ableist "split-personality" tropes. I will fully admit that the only thing that kept me watching at that point was the knowledge that this would be over in an episode or two, and the fact that the youtube subtitles translated comments about other character's behavior as "cringe", which I found an extremely funny translation choice.

And lastly, the finale. The finale is bad in a number of ways, but the biggest and easiest to explain is that the show goes full Bury Your Gays and kills off both Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan. ( and then another entity takes control of Zhao Yunlan's body?? so the general public doesn't actually know he's dead?? which I found pretty uncomfortable) But like basically my view of the ending is that if something bad happened, No It Didn't. Which seems to be the general opinion, since apparently Priest went back and wrote an extra epilogue chapter to fix the drama's ending.

#guardian #zhen hun #镇魂 #i could talk about this show for hours #actually no i couldn't bc after like 2 minutes it would dissolve into inhoherent wailing #i'm literally obsessed with shen wei #idk how he is in the book like if he's different or anything #but drama!shen wei has an anxious energy to him the i find highly interesting and relatable as someone who was raised catholic #like i can say with complete confidence that shen wei is not and never has been catholic but he 100% has catholic guilt #i love him #literally i can't go longer than 6 hours without thinking about hi #m #i also love zhao yunlan but i think it's very funny that i mostly didn't care THAT much about him except bc shen wei loved him #until the show was like 'oh by the way he has daddy issues' at which point i was instantly like 'ohhh??? 👀👀👀👀'#what can i say? i like my men fucked up and emotionally dysfunctional #ask #jesperr-fahey

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crystalessenceswrites · 3 years

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Shadows- Chapter Five

Shadows

A modern monster AU Pairings: Din Djarin x fem!reader Rating: T (at the moment- subject to change) Warnings: Swearing Summary: Crypto- concealed; secret. You have always lived your life in the shadows; after all, you’re one of the creatures who go bump in the night. He has sworn his life to a creed that aims to protect the world from monsters like you.

[Masterlist] [Chapter Four] [Chapter Five] [Chapter Six] Cross-posted to AO3

Din’s head is spinning and he’s certain it’s not from the blow Qin landed earlier. Half-bloods? Cryptos? Slayers who hunt them? How had his people not stumbled upon this before now? Generations of Mandalorian warriors had fought and given their lives to protect humans from the monsters lurking in dark corners, yet there was a whole system they had missed. A whole kind of people they had not known were possible.

That would explain why he had such trouble determining what (Y/N) was. If she was a half-blood it would make sense she appeared more human than the typical monster masquerading as such. That did not make her human though. She was still one of them. Din could not let himself forget that.

Silently he watches her finish up with the burning body. It seems routine to her. She’s also well prepared, the thistles and the gas, not to mention armed to the teeth. Following their previous encounters, the last thing Din was expecting her to be carrying was a firearm. Yet she’d managed to stun a vampire with one shot. She knew what she was doing. If there were more slayers half as skilled as her how had they gone under the radar all this time?

And why hadn’t she tried to kill him?

It kept playing over and over again in his mind. That night at the dive bar her companion was more than hostile. She had sounded more than willing to get rid of him. But (Y/N) defused it. Both opportunities she’d had to kill him, she’d ignored. Instead, she had explained herself, given him insight into what she was. She wanted him to understand her. More than once she had compared what they both did- claimed they were both protecting humans. Could he believe that? Could he believe her? Believe someone who wasn’t human?

She looks up at him, eyes soft despite the fact she has a vampire’s body burning to ash at her feet. Deadly and yet she looks so normal in that moment. “Do you…uh, need any of him to take back?”

The confusion must be plain as day on his face as the corner of her lips quirk up.

“We have to bring something back as proof of death,” she explains, “I take it you guys don’t need that?”

“No.”

That explains all her supplies then. It also goes to show how organized this group is, tracking their kills, bounties, and all under the radar of his people. Din tries to ignore how impressed he is by it all.

The innate weakness vampires hold to fire means their bodies breakdown to ash considerably quicker and at lower temperature than a human body. It’s not long till Qin is just a pile of dust on the warehouse floor. He watches in mild curiosity as the slayer collects some of the ashes into a spare jar before scattering the rest with her boot. The bloodsucker would not be bothering anyone again.

(Y/N) shifts from foot to foot, watching him closely. “So…all good?”

They shouldn’t be. He should not be letting her leave a third time- it went against every bit of training they’d drilled into him- but she stepped in to help him. He couldn’t kill her after she’d done that. Or after all she had told him. That would make him just as much a monster.

Her shoulders relax as he nods. For a moment it looks like there’s another question hanging on the tip of her tongue, but she decides against it. She shoots him a small smile as she walks away, disappearing back into the darkness of the warehouse.

Din wonders what the fuck he’s doing as he lets her go.

Even after a quick stop at the covert infirmary on his way back Din still finds himself plagued by the events of the day. He kicks himself for letting her walk away, but the thought of killing her is almost revolting. Was it because he knew that some part, no matter how small, of her was human? Because she had helped him? Or because it was her?

Excited squeals pull him from his spiraling thoughts the moment he opens the front door. In seconds the wide-eyed ball of four-year-old energy has barreled up to him, chubby hands clinging to his pant leg for dear life.

“Hey, kid. Good to see you too.”

Din gets a toothy smile in return before he runs back off again to return to what looks like coloring at the dining table with Kuiil.

“He has grown very attached to you, these last few months.”

Din cannot disagree with Kuiil, the kid was quick to latch onto him when he returned home from his hunts and often would not go to bed at night unless he was there to say goodnight.

“Will you take him as your foundling?” The old man has been asking him that since the day he brought the young child back to the covert.

“We’re still looking for his family. There must be people out there who miss him.”

Kuiil continues to watch the child, a soft hum falling from underneath his thick beard. Din can see the wheels turning in the old man’s mind. He always had an air of wisdom about him, an air that led one to believe that deep down Kuiil did hold all the answers, if only he could uncover them. Even Armorer came to the man for advice. While he was not a Mandalorian, he was a friend of the covert and had been with them for several years now. He often helped look after the kid when Din was out hunting, and he wasn’t in class in the other foundlings.

“Maybe so, but he is here now, in your care. You have a choice to make, now or in the future. But you still must make one.”

Din agrees with a sigh, collapsing into the seat next to the kid, watching his grubby hands drag crayons across his coloring book.

“How was the hunt?”

“It was a success.”

“But?” Not only wise, but he was a perceptive old man.

“The slayer appeared again.”

“And I take it she left this encounter alive again?”

Din nods, his face solemn as Kuiil continues to help the child with his coloring.

“Did you learn anything new?”

He had almost learned more than he wanted to. “She claims to be a half-blood.”

“Half-human? Is that why you could not harm her?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“She has shaken you- you don’t know what to do with this new information.” The old man speaks as if it is an already known fact. Din would be remiss to say he was wrong. Knowing this now, he sees her both as a monster and a human, both someone he is sworn to destroy and sworn to protect by his creed.

“You don’t seem surprised.”

“That she is half-human or that you are conflicted?”

Din scoffs, “both.”

“They have existed here as long as we have, among us in the most cases. It should not be a surprise that we have crossed paths before,” Kuiil shrugs, “the situation of her birth probably gives her advantages in her work.”

If she could blend in with both sides it would allow her to keep a lower profile. He could not even determine what species she was, that was proof enough she did not struggle to blend in with humans. She wore her mask well.

“As for your creed… that is another decision you’ll have to make for yourself.”

Kuiil’s wise words rattle around in his skull as he watches the kid totter around in the garden, arms outstretched as he chases another frog around. If their running track record meant anything he would run into her again, and he would have to make a choice. He just wished the right answer would make itself known before then.

“Ba!”

Din cannot help but smile at the proud kid as he runs up, the frog in his hold out on display. He was a quick little bugger, that was for sure. “Well look at that, little hunter in training.”

“Ya!” The little one waves his hands around happily, grin spread across his chubby cheeks.

It amazes him how quickly the kid had bounced back after everything he had been through. There were days it did not even cross Din’s mind that he’d rescued the child from the monsters who kidnapped him. He was happy, got along with all the other children in the covert and did well in his classes, even with his limited verbal skills. Well adjusted, is what the doctor had said.

“Ba!” The kid reaches up, grabby hands flailing.

“Alright, alright,” Din hoists the boy up, “should we get something to eat? Besides frogs?”

“Patu!”

“And here I thought you hated vampire jobs.”

Kannan looks almost smug as he watches you finish up exchanging paperwork for the reward on your most recent kill. Rolling your eyes, you stuff the check into your bag, “wasn’t like I had much of a choice with the lists today.”

“True.”

“So, did you need something, or did you just stick around to tease me?”

Kannan scoffs, “well I was gonna ask if you wanted to catch up over food but if that’s the attitude you’re going to take…”

“Where’s your apprentice today?” The teen was attached to Kannan’s hip these days, eager to get out in the field.

“He’s got his studies today, why?”

“Then food sounds like a great idea.” It had been sometime since you’d had a real chance to catch up with your old friend. He took his roles as Ezra’s mentor seriously, so he was rather booked up these days.

Kannan shoots you a satisfied grin, “the diner on 4th?”

Your stomach nearly growls at the thought. “Please.”

“I have to agree with Kira. You are a magnet for Mandalorians- or at least this one.”

You sigh, scrubbing a hand down your face. “I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”

Kannan chuckles, “since when has the universe needed a reason to screw us over?”

“You’ve got a point… I just can’t get over the odds. Three times in completely unrelated spots.” It was a large city and of all the people in the world you had to keep running into.

“There hasn’t been anyone else in the office who’s run into him. Are you sure he’s not tracking you?”

“This time I stumbled onto him, there’s no way he could have orchestrated that when I picked up the job this morning.” He obviously had not been planning on your arrival. You’d spooked him good.

Kannan shakes his head, “well you are simultaneously the unluckiest and luckiest person I know. You’ve gotten away three times now.”

You preferred to think it was due more to your skills and sharp tongue than luck, but the luck certainly was not hurting.

“It still worries me he knows your face. Even if he hasn’t been tracking you up till now it doesn’t mean he won’t try in the future.”

He had a point, but nothing about your interactions with Mando up till now would you lead you to believe he would. “I’m keeping my eye out for anything suspicious. If he does try, I’ll know. Hopefully, the fact that I know what he looks like deters him from trying.”

“We can hope.”

“I also think I figured out why we haven’t been able to find his local source in the community.”

Kannan’s eyebrows shoot up, “and how did you figure that out?”

“He asked me why I hadn’t killed him yet. Mentioned something about how my job was to deal with nuisances, so therefore I must have to kill him to get him out of the way,” you explain, “there’s no way he’s working with a crypto if that’s what he thinks slayers do. After the Fett debacle everyone around here knows we can’t do a damn thing about the Mandalorians.”

“That does sound like he’s either got old, secondhand information or his informant is messing with him. But I can’t imagine if he managed to get a full blood to help him, they’d yank him around like that,” Kannan strokes his goatee, face drawn together, “yet he’s been spot on with all his kills. He tracked down someone you pulled the bounty for before you’d even gotten there.”

“Could he be working with another hunter or have another Mandalorian partner? Someone who manages surveillance while he does the hunting?”

“It would seem the only other likely answer. Have you told Boss all this yet?”

You shake your head, “no, I don’t want to get ahead of myself… and I’m not sure what kind of reaction I’ll get once he knows I’ve crossed paths with the Mando again…”

“You haven’t told him?” Kannan goes wide-eyed, “Miss. By-The-Book not reporting a run in with a hunter?”

“Sue me for being worried about the perception of it all!”

“Chill, I’m not going to rat you out, (Y/N). I just want you to make sure you’re going to be okay. That you’re thinking this through.”

“I am thinking it through, Kannan. And if something important comes from it I’ll report it to Boss, but for now I’d rather keep this to myself.”

Kannan nods, “I trust your judgement. My lips are sealed.”

“Okay, enough about me and my drama! Tell me how things have been going for you and Hera lately!”

#fic: Shadows #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian x f!reader #din djarin x reader #din djarin x f!reader #din djarin imagine #the mandalorian imagine #din djarin #x reader #the mandalorian #the mandalorian fanfiction #the mandalorian au #modern au #enemies to lovers #monsters and monster hunters #fanfiction #chapter five #crystalessences writes

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howtosingit · 3 years

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I haven't had a chance to fully dive into all the goodies last nights video has produced.. nor have I had a chance to read all your thoughts which you know I crave love . I was dumb and watched 3 911 episodes last night ignoring my ig notification that ronen had shared anything so then I had to go to bed bc of work and work has been crqzy. But anyways I just wanted to hear some of your thoughts and say Tarlos officially fried my brain and I really want to write in the spare time I don't have bc of work 🙈🙊 their soft smiles, kisses, possibly meeting the fam, their date (and let's be honest Carlos was hot as fuck sauntering up to the bar announcing he was tks boyfriend... you know someone got laid that night) sorry not sorry 🙈

Anyways hit me with your thoughts when you're free if you want ❤

LISTEN, LAUREN. I am always up to share my thoughts because they never end and they just keep coming and I have to unleash them somehow or I will definitely explode.

My brain was just like, ALL CAPS SCREAMING, for about 7 hours yesterday, so I’ll leave you to explore that hot mess on my blog if you want. 😅 But, in the time since, I’ve seen a lot of discourse and stuff about the moments that we’ve seen, so I’m going to use this ask as an opportunity to weigh in on everything under the cut...

FIRST, CAN I JUST SAY that at the moment that I am writing this post, we are still trending at #5 and we’ve been in the 4-7 range for at least the past, like, IDK, 18-20 hours maybe?! I LOVE THIS FANDOM AND HOW WE LOSE OUR SHIT AT THE SMALLEST THINGS

Okay, so let me go through this thing and comment on the parts, and then give some general thoughts below:

LOVE that this is a promo entirely about the LGBTQIA+ characters and characters of color. Not exactly surprised that they still tried to put as much Rob Lowe in it as possible (that’s Fox/the writers’ M.O. it seems - to squeeze Rob/Owen in whether he fits or not). Some of his comments were a little awkward, I thought (referring to Paul’s trans storyline as “stuff” makes me go 😬), but whatever. He’s not the point of all of this, so that’s the last I’m going to talk about him.

TOMMY VEGA. I AM READY TO STAN. I love Gina Torres, I already love how much heart and soul she is giving just in these quick peeks, I cannot wait to see her in action!

Also let me use this moment to say that while it’s obvious I’m not getting my Grace + Carlos friendship (that’s fine if it stays in fandom, I’ll live), I’m SO GLAD that her and Tommy are gonna be friends! One promo mentioned that Judd has known Tommy before, so it would not surprise me if they’ve been friends for awhile. LOVE THAT.

SPECULATION: This gives me a good time to just throw out a theory that I’ve been thinking about... We know Owen and Gwen are hosting Tommy at their place for a backyard dinner. I assume her husband may be there as well, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Judd and Grace are there too.

I ALSO would not be surprised if this is when one of the nights at Carlos’s place happens, like a parallel of the two dinner parties. That at least keeps every main character involved in both locations. We shall see though.

So this gathering at the firehouse seems like it’s going to be a pretty big scene, probably for episode 1. I think everyone’s gathered so that Owen can announce he’s in remission (we’ll hear him tell TK first, which is the hug that they share earlier in the trailer, I think).

But this gathering also includes a Tommy/Grace moment, a Tarlos moment, the others doing other things kind of moments. It’ll serve the same purpose as a lot of the season 1 bar scenes, and I’m so glad they’ve moved those to the firehouse. I want that place to really start feeling like a home this year.

(I want all of the locations to feel a little more grounded and special, if I’m being honest. Like, I’m SO GLAD that Carlos’s place is going to be a key location this season.)

There are now two instances of Carlos being next to Gwen (standing next to her while Owen makes an announcement and now sitting next to her at the table), so we better get some dialogue between them or I WILL BE SO UPSET. I WANT GWEN TO STAN CARLOS AS MUCH AS I DO.

EVERYONE IS SO CUTE IN THIS SCENE OKAY

TARLOS TARLOS TARLOS TARLOS

Like, WTF is TK’s face in this moment?! He looks so shy and bashful but also so happy and mushy and soft and in love. And then the way that Carlos softens because of how soft TK look?!?! WHAT IS GOING ON?!?! WHY AM I CRYING.

Seriously, I have to know what they’re talking about though to make TK fucking melt like that.

Emergency stuff blah blah blah

TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS

IT’S SO FUCKING CASUAL AND PERFECT AND NATURAL AND LITERALLY JUST LIKE A “I came over to grab this food from you but since I’m here I might as well grab a kiss because I can’t help myself”

AND LIKE... Carlos just leans right into it?!?!?!? like it’s something that they do all the time?!?!?! WTF I LOVE THEM

Mateo watches this kiss and kind of looks like he was talking to Carlos, TK, or both of them, so I love that they’re like in the middle of conversation but still like “wait let me kiss my bf because he’s close by and so hot and I love him” SCREAMING

ALSO LET ME BE THIRSTY BUT CARLOS’S SHOULDERS AND BACK?!?!?! TK’S FUCKING ARMS?!?! I’M SO DAMN GAY

Speaking of arms: this rando bartender at the wrestling match (so Covid doesn’t last long on Lone Star, I’m assuming like 2 episodes maybe?) -- I love that they tried to put him in a tight shirt and make him look like a possible threat or something and I’m just like 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

IT’S LIKE THEY’VE NEVER SEEN CARLOS REYES BEFORE

AND THEN THE FUCKING GREEK GOD HIMSELF SAUNTERS UP WEARING A TIGHT FUCKING POLO - CHEST OUT, ARMS JACKED, HANDS IN HIS POCKETS TO DRAW ATTENTION TO HIS DICK AND I’M JUST SCREAMING AT THIS POINT

BOYFRIEND

But, like, seriously, there is no comparison. Carlos is fucking Hercules over here and this no-name wannabe boyband member could be a sand-colored rock for all I care.

YOU CANNOT COMPETE WITH CARLOS REYES, DON’T EVEN TRY IT

I do feel like these two clips (the calendar line and then Carlos’s line) are spliced together but they might not be back-to-back, and I would love to see how TK responds to the flirting before Carlos comes over

HIS FACE IS KILLING ME THOUGH WHEN CARLOS COMES UP

BLESS RONEN

I feel like I *think* I know what he’s thinking, but I also feel like I don’t. Certainly, the scene seems to end with them both smiling and happy, but I wonder if there will be a conversation about jealousy or something?! IDK BUT THEY’RE DEFINITELY GONNA TALK. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.

Someone posted how happy TK is going to be to have a boyfriend who is committed enough to him to be jealous, unlike Alex who didn’t care and cheated on him. I certainly think this could be a great moment for them to establish what this new relationship means for them, and I’m excited to see what they writers have planned.

I JUST LOVE CARLOS REYES THOUGH OKAY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

How many times is Fox gonna use that clip of him holding his gun though? We get it, he raises his gun. I’ve seen it like 7 times at this point.

I’m not complaining, really. I’ll take his face where I can get it.

LOVING the Marjan clips

LOVING the Grace/Judd clips

LOVING the Paul clips

I LOVE ALL OF MY FAVES

CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THEM DEVELOP THIS YEAR

Hearing Rafa talk about using his voice and speaking for his community just slaughters my heart, I love this man so fucking much and I’m so happy to be discovering him at the start of his career because he is going to go on to do big things and make the world a better place with his positivity and light and love and I’m so excited to follow him on that journey I just love him okay

ALSO THE MAN LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD WHAT ARE THOSE ARMS I WANT TO DIE

THE FARMER’S MARKET SCENE

Are they shopping for food for the dinner party they’re hosting?! Maybe!

WE MEET SOME OF CARLOS’S PEOPLE

There is so much speculation surrounding who these two people could be, and I’ve heard some super interesting theories about Carlos’s backstory.

I’m gonna be basic though and stick with the fact that I think they’re his parents.

AND IF THEY ARE HIS PARENTS, THEY SEEM SO HAPPY TO MEET TK.

His dad/the man, like, shakes TK’s hand with so much gusto, a giant smile on his face

And Carlos smiles as he hugs his mom/the woman, and she’s smiling too

THEY ALL JUST SEEM SO HAPPY

I CAN’T BELIEVE WE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE AVOIDING THE HOMOPHOBIC PARENTS STORYLINE COMPLETELY

Y’ALL DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THAT TRAUMA

I mean, I don’t know for sure, we’re going to have to wait for the episode. But god, do I hope for it with every fiber of my being. I want their trauma, if they have to have it, to be separate from their sexuality. They’ve done so well with TK so far, I want the same for Carlos. Let the story be fresh, let it be different, LET US HAVE DIVERSE GAY STORYLINES.

Y’ALL THE TEAM HANGING OUT AT CARLOS’S PLACE

I CANNOT

I’LL NEVER BE OVER IT

HE’S PART OF THE CREW. HE’S PART OF THE FAMILY.

IT’S EVERYTHING THAT I COULD EVER WANT FOR HIM OKAY

I’M SO FUCKING HAPPY

THEY ARE SO HAPPY

WE ARE ALL SO HAPPY

I’M CRYING

I’M DEAD

LOL that was a lot but so was this promo.

Now, some somewhat sobering thoughts...

We all know season 1 had a real diversity and inclusion problem, we’ve seen the numbers. We also know that during the promotion for season 1, we ALSO got a diversity promo focusing on the LGBTQIA+ characters and the characters of color. I love that Fox wants to highlight the incredibly talented actors and characters that they have, but all of it means nothing if they are still tokens on the show.

I have full faith that season 2 will be better, that some of the justified anger and frustration made it back to the writers and they internalized it and then make some real changes. However, because we did get a diversity promo last year, I have to remain a little cautious. This promo doesn’t really mean anything and if, somehow, season 2 goes the way season 1 did, it will be another instance of Fox using the characters of color to draw people in without actually giving them screentime and development. Which is a HUGE PROBLEM. So... I’m very excited and very hopeful, but also slightly wary.

Similarly, I’ve seen people say that they’re worried that, while there is so much Tarlos in this promo, this might be all the Tarlos we get this season. I don’t share the same concern, but like the diversity issue, I understand where that comes from. There was a lot of Tarlos in season 1′s promos and, as we now know, they got screentime in episodes 1-3 and then virtually nothing until episode 10.

I kind of lost track of the filming schedule, but I think before they went on the holiday/extended hiatus, they filmed the first 5-6 episodes? Maybe? And we know that we’re getting 14 total this season, which means it’s possible that they haven’t even filmed half of them.

I think the footage that we got in this promo is from, like, 3 or 4 episodes max. Definitely episodes 1 and 2, maybe 4, possibly 5. The crossover is episode 3 and I am still expecting to barely see Carlos in it - I just think it’s going to be very fire heavy one, especially with the members of the 118 coming in to steal screentime. He could be in one scene, maybe? Idk, I’m just not expecting a lot from that episode.

And sure, we could get a lot of Tarlos at the beginning and then nothing for a whole string of episodes, but that also just doesn’t seem possible with the way they’ve restructured the relationship dynamics. Like, it really does seem like Carlos is going to be a part of the family this year, so I think it will be easier to include him and harder to delete him entirely. (Please let him at least appear in every single episode, I don’t want to be so fucking angry like last year.)

Also, if all of these scenes stay in the episodes, we are getting AT LEAST 4 Tarlos conversations - the firehouse, the wrestling match, the farmer’s market, the flirting by the truck - and other scenes of them being in the same space as part of a group. I’m sure there will be even more that we’re just not seeing. I’m very optimistic for this season and for the Tarlos content, and I really don’t think we’ll see the front-loaded imbalance that we saw last season. I think when they get back to filming the later episodes, there will be a good amount of Tarlos content in those, too!

I will say, though, that I am worried we’ve just seen the only kiss that they’ll share in the first 5 or so episodes. I’m just so used to network TV placing a limit on gay kisses, and Idk how much that has really changed in recent years. I truly love this kiss, and I hope there are more, but I would not be surprised if we end the season having only gotten like 2-3. (PLEASE LET ME BE WRONG.)

ONLY TWO MORE WEEKS UNTIL WE FIND OUT FOR SURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#911 lone star #ls spoilers #ls speculation #tarlos #this is like EVERYTHING that is taking up space in my brain okay #mtnofgrace #asks

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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Amphibia Weekly Reviews: New Wartwood and Friend or Frobo?

Hello all you happy people! And welcome back to another week’s worth of Amphibia reviews! And we got two standout episodes today as Marcy tries to home improvement her way into people’s hearts, and Polly makes friends with a destructive but endearing robot. Find out what I thought about in full under the cut!

New Wartwood: Marcy episode! Wu-hoo! And true to the show’s current status quo, and I do love how it evolves, it’s her first day in Wartwood and she’s pumped. And true to the awkward, probably autistic like yours truly, nerd we’re dealing with.. she does not make a great impression or intergrate herself to the naturally suspcious of outsiders tow. So when questioned by Anne how her day went she gets into how the town’s carefully built on a swamp.. and how the townsfolk hate her, complete with Angry Mob. Anne disperses it but it’s still the funniest moment of the episode to me, both in how a small one sprouted up so quick.. and how polly’s there despite LIKING Marcy (”I go where the mob goes anne!”). ALso i’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Anne just.. casually blushing while talking to Marcy. There’s no catalyist or any reason she would for any other reason than being sweet on her.

So Marcy, after fixing a statue she knocked over, decides she can earn their love faster as she dosen’t want to wait. This does get to one of Marcy’s core issues.. while she has many, like any of us, it ties back to the fact she has trouble getting this isn’t a video game. I mean she does get the diffrence between real life and a game on an objective level, but she can’t get real life dosen’t WORK like fiction, something i’ve also struggled with and can massively relate to. So she assumes helping them, via fixing up the town a bit, will make them like her. It makes them warm up a little but they still don’t.

So naturally, who should come in by blimp to give her a tempting offer that will end badly but Mayor Toadstool! He also has a blimp now but it keeps escaping... I think I know where it went.

So THAT’S how he can afford those things. Naturally seeing how nice Marcy made things he has a plan to exploit the hell out of her gifts with masonry to pretty up the town as a tourist attraction to make him more money. Anne talks her out of it.. but she ends up caving in the middle of the night. I also love the touch of her staying in the Fwagon, not forgetting the plantars bought it and finding a practical use for it in and out of story now i’ts no longer needed. I also love the little signs she has on it.

The next morning the town awakes to marble pillars in front of all of the shops to make them look fancy and Marcy and the Mayor promoting the town’s new effort,s including a golden founderss tatue and a horrifying golden clock of toadstool, with Anne warry of her girlfriend’s antics. Mostly becaue you can’t force people to like you or bribe them to. Otherwise you cause the entire town to sink into the water bellow... like now. But while Marcy is now convinced the town will never accept her she still dosen’t want them all to die, and summons Joe Sparrow.. who continues to be the best thing ever added to this cast I swear to god as he helps her save the day, removing the various new things to reduce weight, saving some villiagers from a pillar (as Croaker points out their frogs ending up in the water isn’t that deadly), and getting rid of the gold monstrosities.

So the end result is that the town is rightfully liviid, though she does genuinely appologize.. and suprisingly.. TOADSTOOL actually tries to take all the blame. The town rightfully dosen’t let him, but it’s clear he’s somehow growing as a person. Even if anne’s assement of him as “What would happen if the Monopoly Man had a Baby with a PIece of Fried Chicken” is still 100% accurate. They do agree they’ll like her with time, just like Anne, and if supscious, will gladly give her another shot. So Marcy’s learned her lesson.. always listen to your girlfriend. And while she literally fixes her damage.. the mascot toadstool hired explodes as it’s full of bugs.

Final Thoughts on New Wartwood: This was a fun episode. A fairly simple and predictable one, but sometimes that works perfectly and this one was just damn funny, charming and full of good character stuff. Top notch.

Friend or Frobo?:

I have a confession to make: I fricking love robots. It’s something that really HASN’T come up before, but I love a good robot. There’s just tons of good stories to be had with artifical beings, their struggles to be recongized for who they are, their cool powers, their awkward but endearing attempts to fit in with us less than deserving humans. And ficton’s had TONS and TONS of awesome ones: The Vision (in both 616 and MCU flavors), who is one of my faviorite heroes period, Red Tornado, Jenny Wakeman, Shard the Metal Sonic, BOYD, Aya, Data, Crow, Tom Servo, Gypsy, Growler, Robo, Grimlock. the list really DOES go on into infinity for me.

WEirdly though I didn’t pay much mind to Frobo before this episode.. but with no real personality other than endearlingly running into the same obstacle for hours, and no real background yet, I didn’t really have anything to attach to other than “Cool anne’s either going to nearly get killed by a robot or get one”. But this episode changed that using the oldest trick in the book: having a child befriend it. We’ve seen it before with Sentinels, Badniks, Autobots and Iron Giants. Now we get it again with largeish frog robot. And it is pretty damn good.

This is a Polly episode. It’s Hop Pop’s faviorite day: Seed Store Day! Naturally Marcy has come along and naturlaly she’s just as geeked out about seeds as he is because she’s precious and I must protect her from the horrible trauma her trusted father figure is about to inflict on her. Polly naturally wants to get into some shenanigans but suprisingly.. Anne and Sprig don’t wanna anymore. THey’ve learned their lesson and decide to just play video games. So polly does the resonable thing.. and blames them for some shenanigans on her part and goes out to get into more shneanigans only to find it’s lonely without a friend.

Enter Frobo, named that because he looks like a frog and she heard the term robo from anne’s game. And despite very limited programming... Frobo is VERY loveable. As Polly notes he’s essentially a baby: he starts by mimicing her, including his horrifying but endearing laugh, and even doing her spin dash she gained a few episodes back I didn’t mention because I forgot. That one’s on me. Sprig also did the Yooka Laylee thing on top of her spin dash then so there’s that.

Point is it’s all fun, games and heartwarming bonding till Frobo accidently floods the city and gets mobbed and one of the mobbs makes the terrible mistake of accidently kicking polly.

He goes into Red Eye Iron Giant HOmage mode and starts fighting everybody.. including Anne and Sprig who show up to contain things, but eventually Polly wins everyone over with a heartwarming speech as she stops him, pointing out it was her fault and while he is weird, he’s just an innocent> The town.. decides why not. As the mayor points out “We already have two freaks what’s a third”. And given Marcy nearly killed them all yesterday and they begrudginly acepted her and anne did it WAY more than once and they see her as one of them, yeah they give up.

Naturally once they get back Marcy is an easy sell. Now she can do chrono trigger cosplay! Hop Pop is a bit till it’s shown that frobo can farm super fast, and he’s part of the family now. Sprig and Anne shrug off him having come from the factory, and this surely won’t backfire on them surely.

Final Thoughts on Friend or Frobo:

This one was excellent. The idea of Polly having to learn repsonsiblity was a nice idea, and Frobo is as I said endearing: he’s simply an innocent being who knows nothing and is slowly learning and his friendship with polly is really fucking cute. And giving him an emotional attachment to the plantars means whatevers going on with him gets higher stakes.. and given how robots are treated in fiction i’m just counting the minutes till he tragically gets blowed up real good. But until then this episode was a standout for the season. While as I made clear the “Kid befriends death machine” trope is not NEW, the baby concept made it feel fresh. It also as usual had some good jokes.

So all in all a top notch week, really great stuff and i’ts only going to get better next time!

Nexttime: Mayor Toadstool is tempted to leave. Kay. But more importantly MADDIE EPISODE AGAIN BITCHES. AND IT HAS MARCY IT. I’M READY.

Next On This Blog: Final Space Yo! Quinn and Gary visit earth and Tribore leaves.. again. Be here or be... elsewhere I guess

If you liked this review, follow for more, join my patreon, and comission your own review if you want via my askbox, discord and dms. See you at the next rainbow.

#amphibia #annarcy #anne boonchuy #marcy wu #frobo #polly plantar #hopidiah plantar #sprig plantar #mayor toadstool

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giggles-and-freckles · 2 years

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fic writers tag game

Thanks for the tags @lynnpaper, @anxiety-banana, & @indigostars!

State and link/explain the following:

What you’d consider your first fic: well, there is this one harry potter fic that we don't talk about (because i had to delete it after i started getting literal threats for not updating in a timely manner), but that aside...it's this one. it's the first thing i ever posted to ao3 (a little more than a year ago wow!). it's kinda painful to read now because my style has shifted so much, but i'll never delete it because it reminds me of how far i've come :') also it's snips & skyguy which is what puled me into this fandom

Your softest fic: well hurt/comfort is kind of my jam so i have a lot but...hm. probably stars lean in a little closer. it's a late night obi & soka exhaustion fic and it checks all the 'soft' boxes.

Fic you’re most proud of: oh wow. uhh. time and time again is one that surprised me because it was out of my comfort zone (i had never written leia...or any ot characters/ before) and i feel like i managed to stay true to the characters i was handling, even though we never technically see obi-wan and leia interact in canon. that one gives me a good feeling.

but i'd also be remiss without mentioning soften every edge. i wrote this completely from an outpouring of grief and hurt in my own life and i truly, truly think obi-wan and ahsoka helped me along the way. my husband and i were mourning a loss in really different ways and it was honestly very frustrating for me because i wanted his pain to look like mine. and one night we had this conversation where i told him that and he said "i'm feeling the same pain you are, but i'm learning how to carry on in different ways and that's allowed." he's the mature-beyond-years, infinitely wise ahsoka to my emotionally-stunted, how-do-i-go-on obi-wan. each chapter of this fic had pieces of our story in it and so every piece of feedback feels like a personal comfort in my life. warm hugs, every time. (and for the record: we're okay now. the arc of this story very much follows the arc of my own loss and we've gotten our happy ending, too <3)

Fic which shows your progress: here and now. this was my first foray into writing present-tense...which is such a surface level adjustment, but i feel that shift is really when i began to find my writing voice. reading past tense stuff that i've written is painful for me now hehe. i'm proud of this fic because it took me out a little further into the ocean of 'angst' than any of my previous works, but it's a little comical to read and see how little i understood about the grammatical conventions of writing in present tense.

Your favourite WIP: okay so until literally yesterday, i would have absolutely said my ongoing vaderdala-but-make-it-edgy-and-not-nauseating wip...but now i must say the several thousand words i scribbled down yesterday about a vader-lives au where he is forced/allowed (?) to live on naboo after rotj. it's fun and painful and i'm excited.

No-pressure tags: oh yikes i'm so late to this and have seen most of my mutuals do it already. but hm, @katierosefun, @renegadeontherunn, @tessiete, & anyone else who wants to brag about themselves a bit hehe. (truly sorry if all of you were already tagged)

#long post #tag game

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lucas-koh · 4 years

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Stitches - Bryce Lahela x MC II

Also uploaded to Ao3! Go check it out there if you’d like my user is margotmuses

Doesn’t follow canon, but elements of canon. FWB.

Song: Feel Real - Deptford Goth

Rating: M

Word Count: 3409

Please check out chapter one first if you haven’t already!

Taglist: @lahellacute @tyrilsnightbloom @bubblelaureno

Chapter Two: Suki’s Flip-Flop, Intensive, Very Long Day

On a pretty big whim, Sienna, Jackie, Aurora, and Elijah had decided to look at apartments and move in together on the walk home from Donahue’s. Turned out none of their current living situations were ideal, and as crazy as it sounded, Suki felt like this might just work out. Weirder stuff had happened, right? She’d lived with complete strangers in college, so this was no huge thing, really. Over the following week they scored themselves an absolute bargain of a stunning top level apartment which overlooked the classic Boston skyline. Somehow, they’d managed to convince the landlord to rent to them for cheap, and soon enough everyone started to move their stuff in.

To celebrate their gorgeous new apartment, the group decided that they would throw a housewarming party at some point in the next few weeks. Planning was immense - everyone wanted to do something different, plus finding time where everyone would be off work was difficult. Elijah had never thrown a house party before, so he was overlooking most of the planning, while Sienna and Suki did tasks such as stocking up on cheap booze. Aurora didn’t really want to get involved in the planning side of things, too focused on her studies, but was looking forward to the party all the same. She was crazy grateful to be able to move away from her overbearing aunt. Jackie also wasn’t so involved in the planning, but more out of lack of interest in making plans. After a week or so, they’d decided on a date. All that was left to do was to invite everyone. And, yeah, that pretty much meant everyone.

Suki’s mind had been pretty occupied, mostly by a certain sun-kissed surgeon who’d swayed her to The Stone Roses. Since that first night, Suki had only seen Bryce in passing in the corridors, always taking lunch breaks and the like at different times due to the different demands of their jobs. He’d wink or grin at her and for a moment she’d be completely focused on only that. Not to mention the all-consuming sexual chemistry they had with each other being sparked each time they merely passed by one another. She was continuously bothered by the strange familiar feeling she felt with him, increasingly frustrated that she couldn’t pin it down.

About two and a half weeks in, Suki was suffering from an absolutely awful day. None of her patients were looking at a positive outcome, and she was feeling utterly helpless about it all. Existentialism: Doctor’s edition. She’d shut herself away in a supply closet to be alone with her thoughts. And to cry. What good was being doctor if you couldn’t save lives? And everything felt like a minefield. One wrong move and it could all implode. Misdiagnoses were so easy to make and so incredibly dangerous, she could prescribe someone a medicine they were allergic to and make their symptoms broaden, or even just upsetting someone because there was nothing she could do. She worried she wasn’t ready for this job. It was all very well reading up about illnesses and treatments, but actually putting it into practice? Dealing with real life people? So incredibly intimidating.

Abruptly the door creaked open and Suki jumped back.

“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t… think anyone was in here.” It was Bryce. Of course it was. He looked just as good as ever, framed in the dark by the light from the hall. “I just needed to get some suture kits...”

“It’s fine, just shut the door,” her voice cloyed but she tried to subtly wipe the tears from her eyes.

He did as she asked and came closer towards her. Even though it was dark, he noticed the red rings round her eyes and wet cheeks.

“Hey, hey. What’s going on?” His voice was soothing and gentle, his usual cocky demeanours put on a shelf.

“It’s just… I feel like I have too much power. I pretty much get to decide who lives or dies. I get to decide which words to use to ruin someone’s life I-“ she couldn’t help it as the tears began to pour out again. She wasn’t sure why she was baring her soul to Bryce, but something in her knew he would know what to say. He stood and listened, watching patiently. Bryce stepped in so he was closer to Suki.

“If I tell someone I’ll save their life, but I can’t, how am I supposed to live with myself? How do I tell a parent their six-year-old will never see it to seven? Bryce…” she continued, her eyes were wide and glassy as she stared up at him. Hearing her say his name like that stirred something in Bryce he wasn’t quite comfortable admitting.

“I know. But you’re damn good at your job, Suki. If you tell someone you’ll save their life, and you do, how do you not believe in yourself? How do you tell an old man he’s in remission? There are so many good parts to this job. It’s hard as shit, yeah, but we knew that. It was never going to be easy.” He lifted up his free hand and ran his thumb softly along her eyes to clear her tears.

“But it’s my fault. If I fail a patient... Maybe I shouldn’t be here.”

He laughed a brief hearty chuckle. “You made It through med school, climbed your way to the top of the medical interns at Edenbrook, and you really think you’re in the wrong place? I’ve seen those rankings, Moore. You’re good crop.”

She gave him a lopsided smile. His confidence had a way of rubbing off on her.

“Every doctor has their moment of doubt. It’ll pass.” He continued.

“How do you do it?”

He shrugged. “I just know I’m damn good at what I do. It’s still early days, Suki. Just let it come and go.”

She nodded and felt the desire to hug him. Lucky for her, he held his arms out to her and she collided with his hard chest, again. She still had her arms crossed in front of her, but moved to cradle her head into the crook of his neck, shifting her body so she was leaning into him. Bryce’s arms enveloped her, like a large, hard, teddy. She felt like a baby, cocooned and cooed at by the light soothing motion Bryce was drawing down her back. It felt like the most natural thing.

“Shit. I guess you are damn good at what you do,” she said. Her voice was muffled by Bryce’s scrub top, but he heard her all the same, and couldn’t help but grin at the girl in his arms.

“I told you, I’m a talented guy.”

She pulled her head back after a minute, looking up into his brown eyes, which were honey like his skin usually, but deep and alluring in the dimmed light of the supply closet. His arms still cradled her.

She suddenly wanted to tangle her fingers into his hair and kiss him passionately. Because despite the snark, the ego, the cockiness, he’d made her feel better after an incredibly difficult day. And there was definitely something scandalous about being in a supply closet together. The thick sexual tension that had been whirring for two weeks now was at an all time high. Her eyes flirted down to his plump lips, still ghosted with a smile. Her heart was pumping right out of her chest, she was surprised he couldn’t feel it against his own. The chemistry could be cut with a knife. She tightened her arms around herself as she made the flash decision. Without giving him too much time to back out, Suki swiftly moved forward and pressed her lips to his.

He hesitated at first, still as stone, giving Suki a moment to freak out – shit, he doesn’t want to be doing this. I made the wrong call - before he pushed his lips back into hers with fervent want. They reacted to each other like it was something that had been simmering for way longer than just two and half weeks. Their mouths clambered almost clumsily around each other. Bryce’s hands moved up her back and to her neck with a caress, before he steered her round and pushed her up against the shelves. A few bits of equipment fell down, but they didn’t care. Suki pulled him as close to her as she could, hands gripping his waist. She could feel his muscles move under her fingers as they kissed, which sent a jolt through her stomach. She was actually kissing him. For some reason, the idea felt unattainable and the fact that it was happening felt fantastical.

His lips were soft but applied pressure, his tongue demanding and dominating. Suki let out an unintentional moan, causing a gruff noise from Bryce’s throat, and she could feel him smiling against her lips. Caught up in the passion of the moment, and wanting to savour every part of this, Suki lifted up a leg and wrapped it around Bryce’s hip. He responded by pressing his body tighter against hers and removing a hand from her neck to support her leg, copping a feel of her backside on the way there.

Suki didn’t even care that the shelves were digging into her back. All she cared about in that moment was getting as much as she could out of Bryce. Because, god, was he hot. His kisses were practised and skilled, clearly something he’d done a lot. She pulled him closer towards her, and he removed his lips from hers to burrow his face into her neck and suck at that sweet spot. She gasped at the sensation, earning a cocky chuckle from Bryce. If he gave her a hickey, she was dead.

To avoid that possibility, she pulled his face from her neck to meet her lips again, deepening the kiss, and finally threading her fingers through his floppy hair in the way she’d wanted to before.

A loud creak and unexpected light falling on her shut eyelids indicated that the door had been opened. Suki opened her eyes wide and looked over to the door to see an older Doctor. Oh god. She knew this guy. Dr Zaid Mirani – her attending. The leg which had been round Bryce’s hip dropped immediately.

“Can you give us a minute?” Bryce asked, frustrated, eyes shut and forehead against Suki’s, not giving a single shit that they’d just been caught in the act, not even bothering to see who it was.

“I need some scissors. Don’t let me stop you,” Zaid snapped.

At this, Bryce sighed and stepped away from Suki. Suki tried turning away coyly so that Zaid didn’t see her face, moving away from the shelves to give him access. There was a deafening awkward silence as Zaid rummaged through the shelves to find what he needed, Suki looking anywhere but at either of the men in the room. Bryce’s eyes watched her, flattening her hair down on her head and smoothing down her clothes.

After what felt like far too long, Zaid left without a word. The door shut behind him and Bryce and Suki were sent back into dim light. She looked over to Bryce finally, who was leaning against a cupboard with his hands in his pockets, a humorous smile playing on his lips. Even in the dark he looked good, hair ruffled from her fingers and lips swollen from relentless kissing. Ah, shit. He looked so good. Unlike Suki, he hadn’t taken the time to refine his appearance. But, she kind of liked it that way.

“That kinda killed the mood,” he said, pushing off the cupboard.

“…yeah. We should get back to work, anyway,” replied Suki. She was hot from embarrassment, again. This boy sure knew how to get her flustered, both unintentionally and intentionally. That kiss sure had some intention behind it. It had been a nice distraction, and admittedly she felt much better, but it was time to get back to reality.

He chuckled and scratched his thumb over his chin. He didn’t seem embarrassed at all. Then again, asking a resident to leave so they could continue their steamy make-out didn’t strike Suki as something someone who was easily embarrassed would do. Unluckily for her, Suki was a stickler for humiliation. Maybe hooking up with Dr Bryce No-Fear wasn’t something a blubbering blushing mess should repeat.

Bryce walked toward Suki, and she almost jumped back, worried he might try again. For a couple of reasons: worried they’d be caught again, and Suki would never live it down with herself, but also worried she wouldn’t be able to stop at a sensible place. He was too sexy, and too experienced. But he reached behind Suki to grab a suture kit. The whole reason he’d even been here in the first place. He held it up to show her, before making his way to the door.

“You’ll kill it out there, Dr. Moore,” he reassured before opening the door, letting the light flood the room again, and shutting it behind him once again leaving Suki in the dimness.

She crept out of the supply closet, not looking where she was going and accidentally ramming straight into Jackie.

“You look a mess!” Jackie laughed, noting Suki’s scruffed up hair and creased scrubs.

Suki cursed herself internally as she once again started to sweat.

“Oh! Long day, is all. I’m only halfway through, too!”

Jackie side-eyed her blustery response. “I’ve got to get this shot to this patient. You’re lucky this time, Moore.”

—-

A couple of hours later, Suki was finally grabbing a bite to eat when she received a page from Aurora.

Suki rushed into the room, where Aurora was already debriefing the resident. Shit. It was Zaid. She prayed that he hadn’t caught her face before, that it had been too dark and she’d turned away quick enough that he hadn’t recognised her.

“Hey, Aurora. What’s the situation?” She breathed out, exhausted from speeding up there. Aurora looked grateful as she turned to Suki.

“Moore,” Zaid greeted tightly. Something told her that he had definitely seen her face earlier. He didn’t seem like the type to bring it up, though.

“Ms. Redford was admitted for a broken neck, but her blood work looks incredibly strange…”

—-

“So, Dr Mirani’s a pretty grumpy guy, but why do I feel like there was a reason he was short with you earlier?” Aurora asked as the walked down the corridor to their next patient. Damn her for being smart and perceptive.

Suki weighed up whether or not to tell Aurora. It might be quite nice to have someone on her side, to tell all the awkward stories. She hadn’t done the whole secret make-out since college, and back then, she had a roommate to gossip about it with. At the end of the day Suki still barely knew Aurora; sure, they lived together, but they hardly even had a chance to be at the apartment together with their different shifts and the like. And when they weren’t at work, they were sleeping or eating. Maybe that meant telling her would feel like less of a big deal? Then again, even the idea of saying it was making her cringe. Plus, Aurora was great but she might not be too impressed that Suki had been taking time out of work to make-out with a surgical intern. In a supply closet which anyone could walk in on. And, had walked in on. A senior attending. She decided against it.

“I don’t know. I just don’t think he likes me much,” she wasn’t a very good liar, which Aurora seemed to glean; but she didn’t push further.

—-

After what felt like the most exhausting day ever - having difficult patients, a mental breakdown in a supply closet, a hot make out session in the same supply closet, being caught by her attending, and then having hours more of gruelling work – Suki threw herself onto her bed dramatically. It felt like her whole body, including her internal organs, was on fire. She eventually got up to change into her pyjamas, clean her face, and brush her teeth. There was a knock on her door. She opened it to reveal it was Elijah.

“Hey, what’s up?” He asked, it looked like he’d been home a while. Suki was happy to see him nonetheless.

“Just winding down after work, you know.”

“Yeah, today was a long one,” he added awkwardly.

“Tell me about it.”

He seemed like there was something he knew, or wanted to say, but didn’t.

“Movie?” Elijah asked.

“Sure, I might pass out though.”

She followed Elijah to the sofa and let him load up Netflix. She pulled off the fluffy blanket from the arm and snuggled into the crook of the sofa, next to Elijah’s chair. They put on a classic romcom and settled in to watch it, everyone else either asleep or working. Suki and her other roommates had become close quickly, but she still felt she wanted to bond more with them, get to know them better. She truly loved each one of them, and they each had their own personal qualities which enriched the group.

“So-“ Elijah finally came out with about a quarter of the way in, only to turn and see Suki had passed out.

Elijah tucked her in on the sofa and shut the TV off so she wouldn’t be disturbed. He would have to talk to her again another time. He wheeled away into his own bedroom.

—-

Around an hour later, Suki woke with a stir, taking a moment to recognise her surroundings. She must’ve fallen asleep here, and she noticed how she was tucked into the blanket. Elijah. How was she ever going to bond more with her flat mates If she couldn’t even stay awake to watch a movie with them? She sighed, folding up the blanket to place on the sofa arm again, and made her way into her own bed.

In the dark of the night, Suki’s thoughts wandered to Bryce’s lips on hers, his hands on her neck, his lips on her neck, his body close to hers…

She thought about that smirk and that laugh, the way his hair felt under her fingers, his taut stomach muscles under her hands. The way he tasted clean, faintly minty, the smoothness of his lips on her own. The feeling of her leg wrapped round his hip. If Zaid hadn’t interrupted when he had, Suki wasn’t sure she would’ve been able to stop. Truthfully, it had been a while since she’d slept with anyone, and a while since she’d actually been so sexually attracted to someone.

But she tried not to think about it. He’d helped her out of a tight spot earlier, and she’d thanked him. Now, she would have to put in all her effort to be a better doctor. Not try to sleep with the other interns. No matter how sexy their body and face and demeanour was. She wondered why he’d been so kind to her, taken the time to reassure her and validate her thought. Perhaps just a ploy to get that kiss, or something more, but Suki wasn’t really sure she cared if it had been. Even so, he’d seemed genuine. She supposed he was a doctor after all, helping people was second nature to him.

Come to think of it, the way they’d kissed in the supply closet struck that odd feeling in her again. How did she know him? Did he know her? Was she just superimposing someone else on to him to make him more appealing to her carnal desires and more of a mystery to solve? Maybe it was that if she let herself get hung up in this completely farcical idea, she could ignore what she was really thinking about deep down: her failures as a doctor.

So, maybe she didn’t know Bryce at all. She just liked how he looked and wanted there to be something. They say if you desire something, it pops up everywhere. So, those feelings of déjà vu, maybe they were all in her head. Or maybe she was just spiralling, after the ridiculously lengthy and eventful day. Her eyelids started to drop unintentionally. Maybe she would think about this tomorrow, instead…

#bryce lahela #open heart #open heart fanfiction #bryce lahela fanfiction #bryce x mc #playchoices open heart #open heart fic #oph spoilers #choices open heart #oph #choices: open heart #open heart fanfic #choices fanfiction #choices #choices: stories you play #bryce lahela x mc #dr bryce lahela #bryce Lahela fic

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sophieakatz · 3 years

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Thursday Thoughts: My Top Ten Muppets

Listeners of NPR’s Pop Culture Happy Hour recently cast their votes to rank the best Muppets – an impossible decision, really. And yet, once the top ten list was read aloud on the podcast, I found myself completely unsurprised. It’s a list that made sense, a list of safe bets. It’s also an incredibly Muppet Show-heavy list, even though the competition was open to Muppets of all properties, including Sesame Street and my beloved Dark Crystal. The full top 25 list, available here, reveals that a few Sesame Street Muppets ranked in the teens, but still. We all know the top ten is where it’s at, and this top ten was neither creative nor representative. It struck me as a list of popular Muppets, not a list of the best Muppets. Most of my favorites weren’t on that list at all!

So, here’s my take on the ten best Muppets – and because I don’t believe in objective Muppet rankings, I want YOU to reblog this post and tell me your favorites!

10. Swedish Chef

The Chef came in ninth on NPR’s rankings, and I gotta be honest, I’m on the same page with them on this one. Maybe it’s the fact that when he comes onscreen, there’s no way to predict how the sketch will end. Maybe it’s the bizarreness of human fingers on Muppet arms – and knowing that those arms indicate a frankly superhuman feat of teamwork going on under the table. Maybe it’s just the Popcorn video, which always brightens my mood. Whatever it is, the Swedish Chef is definitely tenth best.

9. Fozzie Bear

I like Fozzie. He’s an underdog, never giving up in his pursuit of fame and audience acclaim. And even though his whole shtick is that he can’t succeed – Statler and Waldorf always get bigger laughs during his bits – he objectively has succeeded, because he’s still around and making us laugh after all these years.

What puts Fozzie in the top ten for me, though, is that I genuinely find his jokes funny. Honestly. I really do. So maybe Fozzie Bear sketches don’t really work for me, but Fozzie Bear himself does.

8. Rosita

I mentioned my disappointment before in the “official” ranking’s lack of Sesame Street characters. Sure, the cast of The Muppet Show has had a notable cultural impact, but it would be a disservice to Muppetkind if we ignored the impact of their friends on Sesame Street.

I could never forget Rosita. She’s not the most popular Muppet; she’s never had a super catchy song or a roll-on-the-floor-laughing one-liner to rival the others’ success. But her “Spanish Word of the Day” segments have a permanent spot in my memory. She’s sweet, she’s sincere, and she’s an excellent friend to her more famous fellow Muppets. (And as a bilingual Muppet, she’s really hecking important – there’s an episode where she deals with some kids making fun of her accent, and it’s equal parts heartbreaking and heartwarming!)

7. Rowlf

While other Muppets have one-note personalities – see number 10 on this list above, and number 5 below – there’s also Muppets like Rowlf. He’s not an “Anything Muppet,” by any means – he’s a character in his own right – but Rowlf is a dog who rises to any occasion. He sits at the piano to bring both beautiful classical pieces and hilarious parodies to life, and it’s all music to my ears. He can be the Straight Man to more chaotic Muppets’ antics, but just one clip of “Veterinarian’s Hospital” proves that he’s got enough silliness in him to take center stage.

And all the while, no matter what role he’s playing, he’s still that chill dog I adore – calm and adorable, with that round black nose, those big fluffy paws, and those floppy ears just begging to be scratched.

6. Deethra

As much as I love the original Dark Crystal film, the Netflix prequel series Age of Resistance has one big thing going for it: its characters. The protagonists of this show draw me in and make me care, quickly and continually. And best among them all is Deet. Deethra the Gelfling – small and beautiful, kind and powerful. She cares wholeheartedly about the world around her, and that care begets a wisdom that balances out her naivete in fascinating ways.

Muppets are so often silly, and we love them for it. But Deet embodies the Muppets’ potential to tell a serious story, a potential we would be remiss to ignore.

5. Animal

Oh my god, Animal. If you want to talk about the sheer silliness of Muppets, you need to talk about Animal. There’s just no way around it. He’s loud – in both sound and color scheme. And he’s absolutely bonkers. I know every drummer has an Animal in them, and it’s likely that all humans do. We’re just not all comfortable with letting him out to play.

That’s what’s so great about watching Animal do his thing. He has no inhibitions; he is freedom, he is chaos. And he lets me feel a little freer by association.

4. Hup

I talked a bit about underdogs in the Fozzie Bear section above. There’s an essay to be written about the Muppet as underdog; it’s an essential Muppet quality. Muppets are characters you logically wouldn’t expect to succeed, but they persevere, nonetheless.

Hup is the underdog of Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance. He’s the Podling who wants to be a paladin. Dear god he’s adorable, dear god he’s funny, and dear god do you root for him (and his spoon) to save the day! Of all the characters in this show, he feels the most Muppety – and that’s why he’s higher on the list than Deet. He’s still a serious character in a serious story (when he cries… my goodness), but he’s got that classic Muppet spirit to him.

3. Elmo

You know, I just don’t get why Elmo gets such a bad rap. Is it that people think he’s annoying? Sure, he is! Muppets are objectively annoying characters – they all are. Yes, even the one you’re thinking of right now. But I fricking love Elmo. He’s joyful, he’s spirited, and he’s exploring the world around him in that carefree way only a child can – and he brings you along on that adventure! “Elmo’s World” is your world. “Elmo’s Song” is your song. Elmo’s laugh is fricking infectious. And yeah, I’m probably biased by nostalgia (my dad’s Elmo impression cracks me up to this day), but Elmo is a darn good Muppet and he deserves our respect and admiration.

2. SkekSil

On a completely different note… let’s talk about the Chamberlain. There aren’t really that many Muppet villains. There are plenty of Muppet henchmen, providing comic relief for a human actor who isn’t supposed to be seen as that much of a threat anyway. The Skeksis of Dark Crystal are a notable exception, and SkekSil, better known as the Chamberlain, stands out among them. He is evil and he is smart. I hate him, and at the same time, I am fascinated by him. He knows what he wants and how to get it, even though he’s nowhere near as strong as the other Skeksis. He is, in his own way, an underdog. He believes in himself, and he wields that confidence as a weapon, calmly explaining to his enemies why they should do what he wants. You just can’t look away. He’s an amazing character, embodying the dark side of Muppethood.

1. Cookie Monster

When my mom first shared that episode of Pop Culture Happy Hour with me, in which the hosts talked about their favorite Muppets, I first thought, “How could you decide?” And then Stephen Thompson said his favorite was Cookie Monster, and I shouted “YES!!!” out loud. Because he’s right – Cookie’s the best.

Cookie Monster is eternally funny, whether you’re five or fifty-five. Everything that comes out of his mouth is pure gold (“Why me not get royalties?”) He’s got the best songs – not only the classic “C is for Cookie,” but also “Me Want It (But Me Wait),” “Me Am What Me Am,” and the “Healthy Foods” rap. All the stuff I love about other Muppets on this list – the unpredictability, the ability to fit into any role a sketch requires, the lack of inhibitions, the confidence, the chaos, the unexpected moments of wisdom – he’s got it all. He’s irreplaceable, he’s lovable, and he’s the top of my Top Ten Muppets list.

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csykora · 3 years

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I sorry I have more questions know because that sounds like a really interesting background. How did you manage to jump from history major to nursing?

Questions are always cool. I’m afraid it’s not a very good story, but here’s trying:

(Warning for mentions of death)

I was born in a village of about thirty people, which used to be a quarry town called Sodom. The only business was the co-op which the quarry workers had founded. (There used to be one other: the bar, which was in the basement of the church. We’re efficient people.) Everybody sugared and most people raised cows, except for us. We kept sheep. For the first part of my childhood the cabin was lit with oil lamps, until my dad burnt it down.

Loving history was natural. I think partly it was home—wherever you go you can stumble into the cuts of empty quarries, the stones taken away for pasture walls that now hold trees, come out of those new trees to find a massive fat signpost maple that used to mark the old Montréal road. And partly I wasn’t a good reader, so I missed most children’s books and wound up reading a lot of secondhand books—discarded university collections of Arthuriana and fairytales, a translation of the Song of Roland, Tolkien and Lewis, lots of technical books on construction and crafts, that sort of thing.

I think I was raised to look for where people were. It’s a good idea to find your way in the woods. And I also knew I was outclassed in school trying to understand modern shit my classmates knew about: thinking about the ways people lived in the past seemed easier, at the time. Thinking about the things they felt is also easy for a weird kid. The books I had made the difference: Lewis knew his medievalism, and those texts didn’t gloss over the wildly different ways people used to see themselves and each other. The gender roles we know in America now are not the same as any other time. In some time and place, every sort of person has lived, and they’ve felt all kinds of things. It has nothing directly to do with my life, but at some point someone who looked like me could wear big gowns and be seen as feminine and precious without question, and knowing that is pretty cool. The story of Lancelot and Gawain has nothing directly to do with my life, but you can hear it and know that people in the past have felt grief and absolutely pathetic queer longing, and that’s pretty cool.

I was also raised by my dad, who had been a teacher and a public defender and several other things but was mostly a socialist. He retired after being given a terminal diagnosis when I was four, and pursued his passion of being a weird old woodsman. (Unrelatedly my pseudo-Uncle Dave who lived across the way was an Oxford Classics professor turned logger.) So I had no idea how careers were supposed to work. I found a college program with lots of scholarship at fifteen, so I just took a bunch of history courses, because that was all I knew about, and one EMT-B training course, because it was a great excuse not to sleep.

When my dad came out of remission, I realized that I was going to need to be his primary caregiver. The emergency training had made me realize how much of medicine amounts to doing stuff with your hands, and I can sure do that, but I had never been trained in the kind of wound care I was helping him with, so I quit my college and applied to nursing school.

In the end, we didn’t have that kind of time, and my dad died my first week of nursing school when I was eighteen. I finished the year because I was there, and then the program because I’d finished the year. If you all ever take any advice from me: try to pay attention when you’re going in a direction just because that’s the way you were going. My dad would say that when you’re lost you should start searching in spirals.

I started going into the school rink just to listen to the white noise of the machinery and keep not sleeping, which is how I completely accidentally watched a hockey game for the first time in years. I wound up watching the NHL and the thing you really need to know about me is that I watched every game of the 2015-16 Columbus Blue Jackets.

Then I started this blog, graduated, worked, realized I could go back to school while working, and now my hobby is writing historical Romance.

I hope this has answered your questions, unless you have questions about Arthuriana or the Chronicles of Narnia or the Romance novels I want to write about the plot to turn the crown prince of France gay or ‘80s hockey. For some reason no one asks me about Romance or the Chronicles of Narnia on this, my hockey blog

#not hockey #I’m sorry this is long #history is cool!

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gascon-en-exil · 3 years

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Three Houses 100% Completion: Refining Those Spreadsheets

To my utter surprise, @symsykins has expressed interest in trying out my long and convoluted idea for a 100% NG+ run of FE16. Far be it from me to stifle the ambitions of a fellow completionist, but as I've made a fair number of updates to the methodology of that post in the months since I wrote it I would be remiss if I didn't publish those changes for the benefit of him or anyone else who wants to try their hand at this absurdity. Sometimes playtesting this stuff can be more entertaining than actually carrying it out....

Additional Parameters

It occurred to me that for "true" 100% completion you also need to complete those things tied to your Switch account rather than individual files. This means filling out the support log, event gallery (Goddess Tower events), and music library. Fun fact: there are exactly 29 Goddess Tower events if the same-sex ones are counted twice as the game does, so provided you plan them out ahead of time you shouldn't have to save scum to get them all.

As mentioned in the earlier post most of this is trivial to complete. The easiest way to raise support points between an active unit and a classroom unit is to have the latter serve as an adjunct during battle. They don't need to have an equipped weapon or be in a class other than noble/commoner, but just having them there will rapidly build supports. Still, it's best to plan out and stagger the number of supports your units take on each run so they're not overloaded. Cross-house supports are one of only two reasons to ever do cross-house recruiting, and they should also be staggered accordingly.

There's also the matter of building up your battalion guild. There are 127 unique battalions to obtain, discounting the Essar Research Group which requires the game's online features and a Switch Online subscription to access. Your guild can fit 200 total battalions in it, so there's ample room to acquire and max out one of each battalion as well as duplicates for the better ones. This is also the only other reason to recruit across houses: to get the three Part 2 paralogues that require it (Ferdinand/Lysithea, Linhardt/Leonie, and Caspar/Mercedes) and so unlock their associated battalions. As with recruiting for cross-house supports, you should only bother doing these once.

One-Time Renown Purchases

You can and should buy all the Renown purchases in Abyss and most of the saint statue bonuses during your first run, using the 10000 Renown bonus from CS and all incidental Renown gained during the run to do so as you can't spend it on anything else. Note that the last bonus for each statue, a boost to units' max stats, is functionally useless for the purposes of this project and so can be left for the second run - a full 10000 Renown you won't have to worry about spending right away. At any rate, however, you'll have amassed enough Renown to complete the saint statues during your second run.

On Monastery Activities

Previously I'd discounted the greenhouse as an unnecessary time sink like fishing and tea time, only to be completed when a quest is involved. However, I find that in non-CF runs you'll quickly start running out of dining hall resources in Part 2 without planting crops, which forces you into the less efficient alternative of running around and throwing gifts at your active units to max out their motivation each week. Therefore I recommend planting vegetables and fruit in the greenhouse throughout Part 1, at which point you can stop because by then you should have accumulated enough resources to cover the rest of the game. Additionally, there are certain glowing blue spots along a typical exploration run route that are guaranteed to drop fish or edible crops - at the stall in front of the fishing pond and on the stalls in the corner of the marketplace where the special merchants gather, namely - which you should check out each month.

Byleth's Level

When Byleth is not an active unit don't bother raising their level higher than 15. This is good enough to recruit all the level-dependent characters (most of the church units), and the only meaningful benefit to going up to 20 is to attempt the proper conduct tournament. However, early on Byleth is unlikely to be able to win the tournament even at 20 without an appropriate class or abilities, and the Renown and brave weapon frankly are not worth the waste of time and space in having them be an adjunct for those five extra levels. Save the tournament for runs where you're actually using Byleth.

Classroom Unit Ranks

A quick correction here. I previously said that Authority should be every character's first priority as a classroom unit, but I no longer believe this is true. With standardized class sets (see further down) it's more important that characters look ahead to the runs they'll be doing in the near future and work on skills relevant to those runs. This especially holds true for banes; a classroom unit can easily take a bane skill as high as B or even A from base over the course of a run, which will help significantly with future certification requirements. Classroom units can work on Authority, but I'd save that for those that have free availability in most or all runs like Anna and the Wolves. The regular students and to a lesser extent non-student characters that join late will want to prioritize their problem skills and build Authority mostly during combat in their active runs.

Route Distribution

I had previously suggested that CF should have the most runs to compensate for Jeritza being awful...but screw that. My current 29 run setup:

6 runs of SS

10 runs of AM

9 runs of VW

4 runs of CF

Notably, this works out to 9 or 10 runs per house which is overall more significant given the advantages in-house units enjoy. The choice to give AM an extra run over VW came down to AM having more exclusive units; VW's one extra week isn't that much of an advantage, not when the Deer lack a Part 2 exclusive and also include Lysithea. But, you ask, can you get away with running CF that little?

Playtesting suggests yes, provided those runs follow some strict parameters: five units only, with three of them being the CF exclusives and the remaining two slots covered by a rotation of the other Eagles. SS runs should precede CF runs whenever possible, to give Edelgard, Hubert, and the rest of their house more classroom time to make up for having to share runs of the shortest route in the game with Jeritza. Jeritza should always hold one of the Knowledge Gems during Part 2, with Edelgard and Hubert sharing the other. The other Eagles can lean on their active use in SS runs to make up for the deficit, and even Edelgard and Hubert can prep for their active runs or finish up skill ranks in SS. Jeritza though....

Number-Crunching Jeritza

To illustrate why I complain about Jeritza as much as I do (from a unit perspective, that is - it's been well-established why I hate him as a character), let's take a particular trouble spot of his as an example. Jeritza has an Authority bane, which means that even with Mastermind and a Knowledge Gem equipped he'll gain no more than 3 points of it during each combat encounter, or 6 if he uses a gambit (not to be relied on given how limited in use per map gambits are). He doesn't have access to any classes that boost Authority, so this is the best it gets. Starting at B Authority means it'll take him 2920 total points to reach S+. Assuming no classroom instruction (because he's got ten other skills to work on, you know) and no gambit use, that works out to him needing about 974 total combat encounters or an average of 244 encounters in each of his four runs.

Is that feasible? If you follow my method of exploring on weekends before instruction weeks and battling on other weekends (and assuming your first run is not CF which...no) there are (3 battles per weekend x 5 calendar months) + 6 chapter maps = 21 battles that Jeritza will fight. Obviously those battles vary in length, but that comes to an average of 12 combat encounters per battle. That's admittedly a bit steep, especially earlier on when few of your other units will have maxed Authority and can be used as adjuncts, but remember that gambits count as two combat encounters and that, more significantly, the other units will eventually max out Authority and allow you to field only three frontline units at a time. It does help that both Edelgard and Hubert have Authority boons, so they should be backline-ready no later than their second active run.

Unfortunately there is one little hiccup to this. CF's first calendar month consists of just one free weekend and the chapter map. As annoying as it is the journal can only be accessed while exploring, which means that on each CF run after the first you'll have to choose between skipping three battles that month or updating Jeritza's skill ranks. You should always choose to battle, because it will help out your other units (who already end up screwed out of a few battles thanks to what choosing CF does to the end of Part 1) and also allow Jeritza to start working on ranks he hadn't touched in earlier runs. The wasted Authority growth is a shame, but at least Jeritza has the base ranks to certify for any beginner class right out the gate so he can pick up a sword/lance/axe/gauntlet/Thunder and still make use of the training time. CF Chapter 13 is also unusually short and will be finished in only a few turns, so it's not a great loss either.

And all that was just for one rank! Hopefully that proves my point about Jeritza sucking, even if mercifully his class masteries and other skill ranks are less of a pain. Even faith can be worked around with bishop and holy knight offering 6 points per combat encounter, although he'll probably want to save his monk run until he can be an adjunct so he's less hobbled by his tiny spell lists.

Standardized Class Sets

Probably the part of this update I'm most proud of, as I put a lot of thought into simplifying one of the more needlessly complex elements of my original setup. Crafting individualized class sets for each character may sound fun on paper, but it's a hassle to keep track of when actually playing the game and doesn't have any substantial benefit. Characters can patch up their banes through classroom training, and furthermore class certification requires nothing higher than A which is a major reason that mastering classes is more of a rote structural element of individual runs than something that requires intricate plotting.

As such, have some standardized sets. These come in male and female versions to account for genderlock and similar considerations, and they apply to all characters except Byleth and the house leaders who have to be handled a bit differently. Noble and commoner are not listed as they're trivial to master; just make sure that non-student characters go back and do so at some point, like when they're being used as adjuncts for supports.

Below each set is a list of the skills needed to guarantee certification in all of the set's classes. This was a useful metric for determining which classes went best where.

Myrmidon

Male

Mercenary

Thief

Dancer (if available)

Hero

Swordmaster

Assassin

Trickster

Death Knight (Jeritza only)

Mortal Savant

A Swords C Axes C Bows B+ Reason B Faith

Female

Mercenary

Thief

Dancer (if available)

Swordmaster

Trickster

War Cleric

Mortal Savant

Gremory

A Swords B+ Brawling A Reason A Faith

There are a lot of sword-based classes, more so than any other weapon or magic type, and that combined with the rarity of sword banes - only Bernadetta and Mercedes - means that often even characters neutral in the skill will max out swords during the course of their myrmidon run.

This run has the distinction of being the only one to not require any of the movement type ranks, which is one reason why gremory is here. The other is that female characters have eight regular master classes as opposed to males' seven, so while when divided across four runs males get a free space here (which Jeritza takes advantage of), females do not. Unfortunately mortal savant is the only master class that proceeds naturally from all the earlier sword classes, but if you'll notice from the male set's requirements there are fairly high reason and faith requirements here even without gremory.

The other oddity is war cleric, which takes the place of assassin (see below) but stands awkwardly as female characters' only serious brawling class. The secondary faith requirement slots easily into a run that also includes trickster, but as I explained in the first post brawling is going to be a problem skill for female characters no matter what you do.

One more note: it's important to consider certain things when deciding which active units will go in which run. Myrmidon runs require the most scrutiny as this is where characters will be dancers, and of course you can only have one of those per run. These runs also require the limited availability Abyssian Exam Passes, one for males and two for females, so keep that in mind as well.

Soldier

Male

Armored Knight

Cavalier

Archer

Fortress Knight

Paladin

Sniper

Great Knight

Bow Knight

A Lances B+ Axes A Bows A Heavy Armor A Riding

Female

Cavalier

Archer

Pegasus Knight

Assassin

Paladin

Sniper

Falcon Knight

Bow Knight

B Swords A Lances A Bows A Riding B+ Flying

Here we see the major influence of genderlocked classes. Female characters have more obvious lance options thanks to the pegasus classes, whereas males have to take the heavy armor classes instead. This balances out in the fighter runs, but for now it's worth pointing out that characters will only be using lances and bows in these runs. Swords (females) or axes (males) will be trained entirely in the classroom, with females running assassin as a bow class and males running the heavy armor classes with lances. Hey, great knight does have Lancefaire, and more importantly all the classes mentioned also boost those weapon types.

Fighter

Male

Brigand

Brawler

Wyvern Rider

Warrior

Grappler

War Monk

Wyvern Lord

War Master

C Lances A Axes A Brawling C+ Faith A Flying

Female

Armored Knight

Brigand

Fortress Knight

Wyvern Rider

Warrior

Wyvern Lord

Great Knight

C Lances A Axes A Heavy Armor B+ Riding A Flying

This is the inverse of soldier, with male characters taking a quartet of brawling classes while females go mono-axes with the heavy armor classes and others. The female set also has one fewer class than all the others here, a consequence of there being one fewer female-exclusive class than male. As with the master class free space in male myrmidon, keep that in mind for later. The singular axe focus and smaller number of classes compensate for female fighters needing to train all three movement types here, which is annoying but necessary. I tried numerous combinations of classes in the soldier and fighter runs, but incredibly this is the one that's least demanding on overall ranks. What can you do?

Male fighters require an Abyssian Exam Pass - just pointing that out.

Monk

Male

Mage

Dark Mage

Priest

Warlock

Dark Bishop

Bishop

Dark Knight

Holy Knight

C Lances A Reason A Faith A Riding

Female

Mage

Priest

Warlock

Bishop

Dark Flier

Valkyrie

Dark Knight

Holy Knight

C Lances A Reason A Faith A Riding C Flying

With the understanding that gremory is covered in the myrmidon run, there's little to mention here. Rank requirements are almost identical with females only needing to work on flying a bit. These runs are the most demanding on limited seals though, with males needing two Dark Seals and females two Abyssian Exam Passes. Make sure you plan accordingly.

Also, these runs make it clear that if you're going to equip these characters with a weapon for when they run out of spells (as might well happen during earlygame), make it a lance.

Edelgard

From the standard sets:

Add lord to myrmidon

Add armored lord and emperor to fighter

Because female fighters are already one class short Edelgard can add two classes there and still come out as even as possible. She's the only character other than Byleth with more than eight master classes, meaning she'll have to do three of them in one run, but with her it's no trouble aside from emperor having the worst availability of any class in the game that is. Her unique classes slot well into fighter as it is.

Dimitri and Claude

From the standard sets:

Add lord to soldier

Move hero from myrmidon to fighter

Add high lord and great lord/wyvern master and barbarossa to myrmidon

The guys, meanwhile, don't fare as well. They take advantage of the same free space for a master class that Jeritza does, but to make the rest of this happen things have to get a bit messy. They'll have to have a certain sword rank for their soldier and fighter runs now, but as they both have sword boons that's not too tall of an order. They can also run hero as an axe class and lord as a lance class to match those runs' themes, which also helps each of them a bit in a different way - Dimitri with his axe bane, Claude with his lance bane. Dimitri's unique classes fit well with myrmidon as they also boost swords, but the best you could say about Claude's unique classes in myrmidon is that he won't have to train up bows for assassin when he can just switch to using them in wyvern master.

Byleth

The Avatar’s special gender-variable self needs class sets built from the ground up to accommodate their ability to access all of the genderlocked classes. As follows:

Myrmidon (male)

Mercenary

Thief

Dark Mage

Hero

Swordmaster

Assassin

Dark Bishop

Trickster

Enlightened One

Mortal Savant

Soldier (female)

Cavalier

Archer

Pegasus Knight

Paladin

Wyvern Rider

Sniper

Falcon Knight

Wyvern Lord

Bow Knight

Fighter (male)

Armored Knight

Brigand

Brawler

Fortress Knight

Warrior

Grappler

War Monk

Great Knight

War Master

Monk (female)

Mage

Priest

Warlock

Bishop

Dark Flier

Valkyrie

Dark Knight

Holy Knight

Gremory

Apart from the two female runs having three master classes apiece - unfortunate but necessary, as with Edelgard - the biggest surprise here should be dark mage/bishop in myrmidon. They need to be in a male run though, and there are more magical female-exclusive classes so that's not going to be monk. Alongside the standard mortal savant it's not much of a stretch in terms of skills (something Byleth never struggles with anyway because faculty training is a thing), but the required two Dark Seals should be considered.

Conclusion

I think that's just about everything for now? I could be really over the top and map out exact routes for exploration, efficient paralogue choices, and more nitpicky stuff, but even I've got my limit. Part of the fun of 100% is being able to adapt your strategies anyway, so I'm not sure that being that precise would be the best way to approach hypothetically helping someone else do something like this.

#Fire Emblem #FE16 #Fire Emblem Three Houses

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cardboardangel · 3 years

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My Disability Experience

CW: Medical trouble, pain, gaslighting

(When I refer to a 'you' I am talking to a roommate)

Most people would start by saying 'in a typical day', but I can't because there is NO typical day. No day is the same for me, as much as I wish it was. Like today. I woke up, my right shoulder feeling like there was a rusty screw somewhere in the joint, and my left hip feeling like someone was shoving a nail into it every time I moved. And my uterus feeling like something inside is stabbing outward every so often. Yesterday, for most of the day, i felt like I had a balloon full of oobleck behind my face, my ears were killing me. But I wanted to make soup for all of us, cuz I know soup is super comforting and can help a lot with recovering. Plus minestrone has beans, veggies, spinach and such, so good nutrients to aid recovery. I threw away my trash, and put away the remaining veg and that was all I had energy for after cooking. Hell, if I didn't use the instant pot I couldn't have even done that much... the main reason I WANTED an instant pot was because it's something that can cook without me having to stand over it, and takes much less time than the crock pot... When I cleaned the yard? That pain in my shoulder was in both shoulders, and in both my hips and knees. I was completely wrecked at the end of each day it took for me to do it all. The end of each day meant a sunlight hangover--my sinuses swelling, my joints throbbing, my head and neck aching like whiplash. On the last day of it, even my goddamn FINGERNAILS hurt and my asthma was beginning to act up because of the exertion and inflammation it all put me in. And yet I could not stop, because after months of trying to get all of the household involved in it, I knew I had to lead the charge.

Some days I am lucky and I'm in very little pain. Those are the days that I start doing things, even though I know if I'm not careful I'll trigger the pain.

But often on those days, it might not be the pain, but the lack of energy. And when I say lack of energy, I mean it feels like I am moving against a current in a river, fighting the weight of my own limbs just to get shit done. On real bad energy days, I am trying to wade through that thick kind of mud that is often on the sides of some rivers, so much so that even getting out of my chair to get something to eat is a monumental task. When I don't tell you how I'm feeling, there are several reasons behind it. First and foremost, I have been conditioned my entire life to minimize my pain, don't complain, it's unbecoming to bitch about things all the time...

The next biggest reason is because for most of my life, I've been told that I was imagining the pain. That I was just lazy, or just a baby about the usual aches and pains of life. My own mother didn't take my pain seriously until I was 18, and learning how to drive. After an hour of driving, I was unable to close my hands. To the point that I couldn't open our front door for myself because my hands hurt so badly. Then she finally said 'yaknow, that ain't right' and we began my quest through dozens of doctors telling me that it had to be imaginary or I was exaggerating, or perhaps wanting attention.

The third reason I often don't broadcast what pain I'm in... because I don't WANT to make you guys feel bad. I don't WANT to give excuses, I don't want to make you guys have to do more because of me, when I SHOULD be able to do things.

Getting my Sjogren's diagnosis was a day I actually cried in relief, because there was a name for why I was in pain for so much of my life. Why I was always so tired. Why being outside always seemed to drain me and make me sick. Yes, Sjogren's could kill me if it ever comes out of remission and begins to attack my internal organs and not just my joints. But it's real, and it has a name. It's something I can take a blood test for and it tells a doctor why I'm complaining about this stuff. But... overall?

It's bittersweet. I might know that I have a real diagnosis, but I can't help but start to remember all the years I was told it was fake. That it is an excuse. Year after year after year of that shit wears down on your mind. You start to doubt your own experience, your own ability to judge reality.

Something I also have run into is, even with an official diagnosis, people tend to get frustrated because I can't reliably do things. I can't guarantee I can do a thing one day to the next, because I can have three good days in a row--and then suddenly I can hardly get out of bed. And people tend to get annoyed when a condition doesn't go away. When you can't get better.

More than once, I've told someone I'm feeling icky, and they've replied with 'don't you always feel icky? push through it!'. Some days I can. Like the days I cleaned the kitchen or laundry room. Other days, my neuroses--anxiety, feelings of inadequacy, feelings of obligation, feelings of compulsion--overpower my pain. Those days are the worst because I start out knowing that I'm going to be in absolute agony as a result of whatever task I've started--and yet my brain won't let me stop. Even though it knows that what I'm doing is probably going to make me sick for days as a result.

As for being autistic... that compulsion is part of it. The neuropsychologist who diagnosed me was stuck for days trying to decide if I had OCD or if I was Autistic. She decided that I was Autistic with strong obsessive compulsive features. And those obsessive compulsive features have pushed me to do things that I know I shouldn't, because GOTTA DO THIS is all that drowns out the static and pushes me forward. So when you say things like 'I don't wanna hear excuses', it is a trigger for me. It brings all the voices of those doctors, teachers, authority figures telling me that I was making it all up. I hear my own voice telling me that my pain doesn't matter, that everyone's in pain and I should just suck it up. That is why I started crying, why I got so upset. I wanted to be a nurse, or maybe even a doctor. I went into medical training right out of high school. Slowly but surely, each career I tried to train for was eliminated because I couldn't physically do it. I know I am a highly intelligent person, that my knowledge could be valuable to someone. I wanted to help people--others like myself in particular. But my health kept deteriorating more and more. In college, I had to have a handicap placard so I could park closer, get to my classes on time because the books were SO heavy.

Then I trained for a desk job. And I couldn't even do THAT because of my autism. Because I was so unpleasant to be around, and no one wanted to work with me. No one wanted to have to deal with me, train me properly or be in the same room as me after my first day. I went in to work the second day and they told me to leave. That they didn't want me anymore. The thing you mentioned, about my face not changing? It's called masking, and it's often something I do as a coping mechanism, or defense mechanism. It's not something I do intentionally, and it's not something I really control.

If I was JUST autistic, and not physically disabled, maybe I could deal. But... yeah. That is what I feel, and what I experience.

#disability #invisible illness #sjogren's syndrome #autism #chronic pain

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dazais-guardian-angel · 3 years

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Hi! Since you seem to be into a lot of different stuff can you share anime recommendations? If you have any. Have a lovely day!! You seem like such a sweet person

What 🥺🥺🥺 a-awww, thank you so much anon!! That’s so kind of you to say... I’m just a nut crying feels into the void over my obscure faves over here, without a consistent one fandom anymore a;lksfklkfg though I guess now it’s just egg, but thank you! ❤️ I have a lot of anime recommendations I can give, but I don’t know what exactly you’re into, or if you’re looking for anything in particular...? But I can definitely list some!

The big popular ones you probably already know about are My Hero Academia and Attack on Titan, I’ll get those out of the way first. I have my gripes with MHA and it has a lot of flaws that can’t be ignored, but overall it’s a really fun and high-energy and uplifting shounen series that has some really beautiful messages and moments, with a wonderful and touching main duo of main characters, and amazing animation and music; it’s as popular as it is for a reason, it’s just such a feel-good show and I’d always recommend it, even if I do complain about it sometimes haha. Attack on Titan on the other hand, I know hyperbole like this is like ugh really, but I really do mean it when I say it is an absolute masterpiece in the making; the first season feels very run-of-the-mill, typical shounen, which I wasn’t a big fan of like everyone else was at the peak of its initial hype years ago, but the show changes and evolves so much, beyond what you could ever imagine, honestly, and now by this point, when it’s almost at its end (the manga is literally ending a week from today), I can almost definitively say it’s one of the best anime out there. Everything in it is foreshadowed from the very first episode, the puzzle and mysteries unfold so masterfully and it all ties together so well, the story’s themes and the characters are all amazing, the music is GODLY and so is the animation, it’s just perfect, please please everyone watch AoT.

Bungou Stray Dogs is also pretty popular, and is one of my personal favorite animanga of all time; it’s a mystery/supernatural action semi-steampunk series with a huge focus on the characters and some AMAZING found family dynamics, seriously if you want found family for the love of god watch BSD, I love all these characters and their relationships so so much. Season 3 isn’t as good an adaptation of the manga, sadly, but the first two seasons and especially season 2 are absolutely amazing, and I would recommend the manga in a heartbeat as well. Noragami I adore for much of the same reasons, with the besttt found family dynamics and a really great balance between comedy and drama, though with Noragami in particular I would for sure stress to read the manga afterward, because the anime falls short near the end of season 2 and leaves so much unfinished, and the manga is absolutely phenomenal, one that like the rest of these will probably always remain in my top ten manga.

If you like shoujo, Akatsuki no Yona is my favorite shoujo of all time, with - once - again, wonderful found familyyy in a historical setting, really lovely slow progression of character development, and some fantastic action and music. The anime leaves so much unanswered and unfinished so the manga is an absolute must here, but I still just have to mention it because the anime is just so damn good in adapting what it covers, especially combined with the OVAs still waiting for that season 2 *cries*.

Assassination Classroom is a comedy/drama(??) shounen that ended a few years ago; it’s VERY funny and entertaining to watch, with an almost seamless transition into high emotional beats that left me speechless at how invested in and attached I suddenly was, and the ending, I’m not exaggerating, made me cry harder than literally anything else I have ever watched in my life, it is that devastating. Highly highly recommend AssClass yes that’s the nickname, I love it so so much, but be prepared to have your feels hit by a truck.

Free! is a really good sports anime with really great characters, and yes I am saying this completely unironically, I highly recommend Free’s first two seasons; just please for the love of god pretend season 3 does not exist. Run With the Wind is my other favorite sports anime that is CRIMINALLY UNDERRATED, it’s so motivational and uplifting and all the characters are so damn nice and endearing, and it has a fantastic score by the same composer as MHA and Haikyuu’s osts; EVERYONE WATCH RWTW IT IS SO SO GOOD.

Made in Abyss is another anime that is likely to never fully conclude the manga’s story, but the one season and movie that we do have is an absolute animated masterpiece in every imaginable way, so I would be remiss if I didn’t recommend it; it’s haunting and beautiful and very hard to watch at times, but so so worth it. Princess Tutu is, to me, the best magical girl anime of all time, dark beautiful fantasy with a wonderful four main characters and one of my favorite “villain” redemption arcs ever, not to mention one of the best enemies-to-lovers story arc I’ve ever seen. Of course my other favorite magical girl anime is the much-loved Puella Magi Madoka Magica, that is also dark but not without a purpose, twelve tightly-written episodes that wrap up perfectly by the end, with not a single minute wasted.

Poco’s Udon World is my favorite fluffy slice of life show; it’s also criminally underrated and SO sweet, it makes me cry every time I watch it with how goddamn precious it is, and I so wish more people knew about it. No.6 is a great short bl romance/sci-fi anime, and Romeo x Juliet is one of my favorite older romance anime, based on... well, the title is self-explanatory.

Mystery is my favorite genre in any media, so I have a lot of these haha. Gankutsuou is a supernatural mystery/drama/suspense/thriller based off the famous novel The Count of Monte Cristo, and it still remains one of my favorite anime of all time; the tension builds so WELL with each and every episode, the story is so gripping and so so tragic, and it always makes me cry by the last few episodes; a very underrated gem (also it has one of the most unique animation styles I’ve ever seen). Gosick is another mystery anime I adore, though it’s more of a slow-burn romance with some episodic mysteries before diving into an overarching plot; it’s actually what I tell people is my #1 favorite anime, just because the Victorian aesthetic is so me, but it’s so unknown that I never really get a chance to talk about it, haha. Mawaru Penguindrum is a mystery/drama/comedy anime that is extremely bizarre and philosophical, it’s honestly impossible to explain without just seeing it yourself alkfglalksdk, but it has a lot of family feels and is extremely touching and satisfying by the end despite all the weirdness, at least to me, so I always try to recommend it, though it won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. Erased is another fantastic short mystery/drama/suspense thriller, with some really moving moments and wonderful atmosphere and tension; the ending falls a little flat, but that doesn’t ruin how amazing the rest of it is (and I’d also recommend the live-action Netflix version, which has the proper ending from the manga). And I guess I’ll throw in Moriarty the Patriot too when it comes to mystery/crime thriller anime, which I’m still currently watching and is still ongoing, but I absolutely LOVE it so far, more people should be watching and reading it.

I have a lot more I could list too, to be honest 😅 I just pulled some of my favorites from the list on my About page ahaha, and a range of popular known ones to more obscure underrated ones. But I hope some of these suit your fancy, anon, sorry I tend to ramble ALKSDFKLFLSKDF I just wanted to be thorough since I didn’t know if you were after a particular genre or not! I hope you have a lovely day too! ❤️

#replies #me: i can list some #me: *summarizes fucking all of them*#take a shot every time I use the words 'masterpiece' 'absolutely 'definitely' 'of all time' or 'found family'#vocab level over 9000 👌👌👌#not me not including hxh or ph #self care bitches 😌#Anonymous

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kcrabb88 · 3 years

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Tagged by @everyonewasabird. Thank you!

Name: KChan88 on Ao3

Fandoms: Les Mis and Phantom of the Opera, at the moment! I have also written some Hadestown fic in the past year or so, too.

Where you post: AO3. You can find older stuff on fanfic.net too but...eh

Most popular one-shot: Funnily enough my Hadestown happy ending AU one-shot (if we are going by kudos). As If It Might Turn Out This Time. I LOVED writing this fic, and got the idea from the one and only @librarianladyx

Most popular multi-chapter: If Sailing by Orion’s Star was still a fic I think that had the most kudos, but since I took that down to turn it into an original work, it would be Les Hommes de la Misericorde. I dearly love this fic--it cemented friendships I have to this day, and it tossed me right into the Les Mis fandom.

Favourite story I’ve written so far: I mean, I would be remiss not to mention Sailing by Orion’s Star here, regardless of the fact that it’s not on Ao3 anymore. What began as a fic is now a trilogy of books, that whatever happens, I’m proud of. Before I took it down I saved everyone’s Ao3 comments, and I go back and look at them all the time. I loved writing it and sharing that experience with people, and it’s been reassuring to have people encourage me trying to have a publishing journey with the new version! I wouldn’t have been brave enough to try it people in fandom didn’t like the fic first.

As far as fics that are still up, I really really loved writing Between the Soul and the Star. I feel like I had leveled up as a writer and knew more more about Les Mis Canon Era when I wrote it, and I’m proud of how it turned out.

Fic you were nervous to post: I was nervous about Echoing a Song, my Hadestown/Les Mis AU two-shot, largely because it was complicated to put those two worlds together, and I hadn’t written much canon era Fantine, and I was quite nervous to get it wrong. But I loved loved loved writing it.

How do you choose your titles: I cry. No, I mean, I’m terrible picking at titles it takes me AGES to come up with titles, but often I draw inspiration from some imagery or theme of the work, or I pull a line from the source material like with Between the Soul and the Star or She Was Bound to Love You. Titles are Feelings, Titles either come to me instantly or they take me ages, no in-between.

Do you outline: Yes, but not in a “I have everything planned out from the start” way, it’s much more chaotic than that. I start off with basically a list of things I want to happen, put them in order, then as I write more and learn more and have Ideas, my outline gets more solid. It’s messy to an outsider’s eye, but it works for me!

Complete: All my fics on Ao3 are complete except for my current WIP. There are multi-chapters and one-shots and series!

In progress: When She Heard You Sing, the sequel to my She Was Bound to Love You Phantom of the Opera series with a genderbent, lesbian Raoul and a bi Christine is my current WIP! I have 5 ish chapters left??

Coming soon/not yet started: I’ve had an Amis go to the opera Les Mis fic in my head for months, and I am hoping to get to that here soon!

Prompts: I like prompts! Some of the ones I’ve done on Tumblr live on Ao3 but if not they can usually be found under the “my fic” tag.

Upcoming work you’re most excited about: I’m excited to get to the Big Moments in When She Heard you Sing, and am looking forward to writing my Amis opera fic!

I’ll no pressure tag @4beit, @apaladinagain, @amarguerite @akallabeth-joie, @robertawickham

#Thank you for the tag!#KCrabb does memes #Fic things

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teaandgames · 5 years

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Some Horror Recommendations For Halloween!

Well, the spookiest day of the year is upon us. Spooky for those of us that hate our doorbells ringing and the associated human contact, anyway. The true fear is entrenched social anxiety. Anyway, a lot of people’s halloween plans include holing up inside, with the curtains closed, in an attempt to spook themselves. In that spirit, I thought I’d list some of my favourite spooky media for you. Mostly games, but I’ll sneak some films and books in at the end.

The Games!

SOMA

Not one you want to play for the jump out and scream scares, SOMA’s fear is more of a slow build. It’s a very human-centric fear; the fear of losing what you are. It brings in uncomfortable questions about the reality of the human mind and whether memories are the basis of who we are. If those memories, and our subsequent personality, are copied into another body, then are they the same as us? What if you found out that your consciousness only kicked in about a week ago?

It’s let down a little by the wibbly-wobbly screen effect as soon as you see a monster, but the questions it raises are more effective. Plus, it has a fantastic underwater setting.

Dead by Daylight

A multiplayer affair that does a great job of emulating the classic slasher flicks of old. While you can get your kicks by playing as the killer, and having fun with a ton of meat hooks, the real fear comes when you play as the survivors. Attempting to fix a generator and then hearing the ominous music signalling the approach of the killer is terrifying. You never know what direction to go in and panicking will just lead the killer to you sooner.

The community is very all over the place from what I’ve heard, so you might experience some of the usual vitriol and obsessively good players, but if you can find a good group then you can have fun and fear for hours.

Oxenfree

For a change of pace, here’s a horror game with genuinely good writing. It tells the story of a group of friends coming together for a party which unfortunately gets crashed by a dimensional rift. That leads the group to experience supernatural phenomena all over the place, as their friendships get pushed to breaking point. It’s very old school horror, with campy kids trying to survive. I love it.

The writing and dialogue is top notch and while it may not be classically scary, it’s absolutely worth playing through at least once.

Outlast 2

Okay, so, I’m not the biggest fan of Outlast 2. But sometimes you just want some stupid horror; to run away from murderers in a panicked frenzy. Outlast 2 gives you that and then some. Drizzle on some fanatical religious horror and you have an exciting game. Fairly gruesome, too, if that’s your cup of tea. Enjoy being nailed to a cross.

It has a good few problems, not least the lack of direction in the chase sequences. You might have to repeat them a few times but for sheer panic, Outlast 2 is second to none.

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

It would be remiss of me not to mention one of the most well known horror games. An adventure game with a sadistic twist, Amnesia stars a man named Daniel, who’s (shockingly) lost his memory. He wakes up in a strange castle, with instructions to deal with the man behind everything, Alexander. Daniel has nothing to defend himself with and the castle is filled with hostile creatures.

Amnesia can be credited with popularising the sanity mechanic, for better or for worse. While it’s many copy-cats have begun to grate, Amnesia’s use of it taught us to cling to the light, for fear of what’s out there in the darkness.

Resident Evil 7

Another game that has a host of problems. Regardless of the weird goo monsters that drag down an otherwise amazing game, the true fear of Resident Evil 7 presents itself right at the beginning: Jack Baker. An unkillable man, capable of smashing through walls just to get to you. He’s everywhere, at any time and no matter how many bullets you put into him, he keeps coming back.

It’s worth playing just for him. He may look like a man but he’s far, far worse. And he could be around any corner.

Lust For Darkness

Same sorta issue here too. Horror games rarely skate by on their gameplay and Lust for Darkness has other problems too. While it may not be the best game around, it’s an unashamed look into the world of Lovecraftian horror. It’s worth playing because it doesn’t hold anything back and is a good example of the spiral into madness inherent in these works. The cult at the heart of it has long since ceased to be human and it’s dragging our protagonist down with it.

Just don’t play this one on the family computer, eh?

The Forest

A game that can be as creepy as you make it, as you can turn off all the enemies if fear isn’t your cup of tea. Still, when they’re on it becomes a game where fear is always at the back of your mind. You can make the perfect base, complete with farm and water supply, only for it to echo with the sounds of fists on wood as you get surrounded. Not only that, but eventually you’re going to be caught out at night. Once the bigger lads come out, it becomes genuinely tense at night. At least in the day, you can see them to avoid them.

Definitely one of the better survival games and a good horror game. Mostly because your survival depends on a bit more than finding a handful of berries.

Films

The Invitation

A very slow burner, one for the start of the night I imagine. It revolves around a man, currently going through his own trauma, being invited to a party at an old friends house. Seems fine, until the host busts out a video about a cult he’s become part of. That rather puts a damper on the party. The tension ramps up as the protagonist gets slowly more paranoid about the hosts true intentions for inviting them there.

As I said, a slow burn but one’s that worth sitting through, especially for the chilling ending.

The Ritual

Also a book, which I’ll mention later. This extremely British film is about four guys hiking across the Kungsleden trail in Sweden, in memory of their friend who was killed in a robbery. They get pretty tired of their two-hundred-plus mile journey and instead take a shortcut through a forest, which goes horribly wrong. As they get hopelessly lost, it becomes clear that something is following them, which causes their friendships all to break down.

Well acted and genuinely spooky, well worth a watch.

The Cabin in the Woods

Cabin in the Woods is a definite rarity. A parody horror film that manages to be scary at the same time as funny. It takes the usual trope of a bunch of high school kids going off to a cabin in the woods and then goes out of its way to subvert absolutely everything. The entire thing is orchestrated by a group of scientists, who need everything to be cliched in order to appease an old God.

Of course, it doesn’t quite go as planned and that’s where the fun comes in. Definitely one to watch if you enjoy equal parts horror and comedy.

1408

A lighter one to end the film suggestions. 1408 is an adaption of a Stephen King short story, featuring John Cusack as a paranormal investigator. One of those modern ones, who doesn’t believe a damn thing he writes. The majority of the film takes place in this one hotel room, which I thought was a neat trick. It’s a bit of a roller coaster of scares though, meaning it’s just scare after scare, but that’s kind of the point. It’s the room deliberately messing with its occupant.

I doubt it’ll win any awards but it’s good for a handful of scares.

Books

The Necronomicon

A bit of a cop-out, to be honest, naming a big selection of stories but honestly, you need to read Lovecraft if you’re interested in horror. It’s admittedly hard to do so, given his purple prose and tendency towards racism, but the foundations of his stories still hold up today. If you’re not interested in the Chtulu stuff, then try reading stories like The Colour out of Space. It’s good reading and forms the basis of my favourite kind of horror.

The Ritual

Mentioned up there but it’s worth reading too. Adam Nevill has quite a down to earth writing style, punctuated with well realised internal thoughts. The relationship between the characters is explored in much more depth than the films, which makes what’s happening to them all the more tragic. If you liked the film then definitely read the book, to further explore the characters and setting. While the ending of the book dragged on for a bit too long, the bulk of it stands up just a bit higher than the film.

The Shining

Don’t need to say too much about this one but I’m always torn as to whether I like the book or the film more. While the book does push the supernatural stuff a bit too hard, it’s spookier because it shows the steady decline of Jack Torrance. Nicholson’s portrayal is great but the character seems unhinged right from the get-go. The scary part of the book is seeing this troubled man, who genuinely loves his family, descend to the point where he’s a danger to them.

The Haunting of Hill House

A book that’s resurged in popularity after the Netflix series last year, it’s a great example of a haunted house story. There aren’t any major scares in it, instead it relies on drip feeding in creepy moments in order to come to one big climax. It’s an interesting book, even if it does all start blending together by the end. If you like your supernatural stuff slow building, then give it a read.

There, that should keep you busy for Halloween. If you’re not continually interrupted by kids looking for candy then keep those curtains shut, turn down the lights and put on something spooky. See you in November!

#Halloween #Horror #Survival Horror #The Forest #Lust For Darkness #Resident Evil 7 #Outlast 2 #Amnesia: The Dark Descent #The Shining #The Ritual #SOMA #Oxenfree #Dead by Daylight #The Haunting of Hill House #The Cabin in the Woods #The Invitation

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adz · 4 years

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hi here is my albums of the year list for 2019. i will also put it below under the break. happy nu year friends

ALBUMS I LOVED

Big Thief - U.F.O.F. & Two Hands This band has something so special. It's almost as enjoyable to hear Lenker, the primary songwriter, talk about her philosophy and her connection to her bandmates as it is to listen to their consistently wonderful and gently boundary-pushing music. I've combined these two albums into one list item because they're flip sides of the same coin: spirit and earth, ethereal and corporeal, unknown and known. If you've heard their earlier two albums, you might be put off a little: there aren't any smash hits like Masterpiece on here, nor any doomed ballads like Shark Smile. These albums are a little blurrier, shadows and gleaming bits of light floating past. At times the songs sound less like early Big Thief than they do Adrianne's solo releases: lyric focused, strange sprawling structures, a bit rougher around the edges. At these records' cores, though, the soul is the same true soul. On U.F.O.F., there are sadness-tinged love songs like Orange and an ode to a dead relationship or dead loved one, Terminal Paradise, recut from Adrienne's solo discography. On Two Hands, rollicking rockers like Forgotten Eyes and the titular track nestle up against the tender and painful Wolf and a live staple for the band, Not, a song that builds momentum and tumbles towards its conclusion like a meteor. Whether you're a devoted fan (and I don't know anyone who listens to Big Thief but doesn't consider themselves one) or a newcomer, it's worthwhile to spend some time close to these records. Let them, and they'll grow on you.

Kim Petras - TURN OFF THE LIGHT Easily the best collection of club pop songs this year began as a Halloween-themed mixtape, which I think gives it a willingness to experiment that I sometimes miss in Petras's more standard stuff. The hooks on tracks like There Will Be Blood, Close Your Eyes, and Tell Me It's a Nightmare are as good as anything in her discography, and the most adventurous moments, like the interlude o m e n and the German verse in In the Next Life, not only pay off but fuck harder than basically anything I've ever heard. I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Dr. Luke was one of this record's producers. The fact that he gets a cut of every stream and sale is a terrible blemish on what would otherwise be a huge favorite of mine.

Sufjan Stevens & Timo Andres - The Decalogue A forceful, sometimes opaque album. Delicate and opinionated piano music for ballet. One moment of particular transcendent beauty: the track V.

Weyes Blood - Titanic Rising A 10/10, perfect, totally wonderful album. A ton of variety and not a single bad song. By turns upbeat, dreamy, contemplative, creepy, explosive. One of the most beautiful and evocative album covers of the year to boot.

Andrew Bird - My Finest Work Yet I appreciate Andrew Bird's esoteric trips and darkly introspective weirdness, so it surprised me how much I enjoyed this: a bouncy, ascerbic, and delightful return to form packed with ironic turns of phrase and endlessly engrossing little musical details. Bloodless is a legit political statement, a State of the Union address that is somehow equal parts ominous and encouraging. Sisyphus is freewheeling and also political, a common thread here. My favorite is Manifest, a disco-inflected ode to fossil fuels. You could blast it and joyfully sing along without ever realizing how apocalyptic it is.

Nivhek - After its own death / Walking in a spiral towards the house Moody, spacious, and minimalist. Lovely and meditative.

M83 - DSVII A world all of its own. Cinematic, strange, and cheesy. I really appreciate M83's willingness to do absolutely whatever they want when they could easily have made a career pandering to fans of Midnight City and selling songs to car companies. DSVII is spacious and upbeat, steeped in the memory of 70s space western epics. Flutes, pianos, and shimmering picked guitars float over crashing post-rock drums and synths ranging from contemplative sweeps (Mirage) and buzzing pads (Colonies) to swelling vox (Taifun Glory) and precise, retro little bleeps (Oh Yes You're There, Everyday). It's wonderful background music, and the choice tracks (Temple of Sorrow, Mirage, Hell Riders) are great fun and even occasionally thrilling. This album is easy to love.

Thom Yorke - Anima Detuned synths lying motionless in a cold desert fading in and out of life

Foxes in Fiction - Trillium Killer A swirling dream-pop masterpiece. I had the privilege of seeing Warren perform some of these songs earlier this year, and I felt totally transported, like I was physically present in the green holographic world of his back-stage projections. These songs are complex and really special, crafted with care and an ear highly attuned to odd harmonies and little additive details. I love the way stories and thoughts weave together across the album. The catchy, gently swelling music is a brilliant compliment for the lyrics, which are often dark and intense, blurring the political and personal on songs like Say Yes to Violence and Antibody. Aesthetically, this album is a delight, but there's so much depth beneath its glimmering surface. What a wonderful addition to Foxes in Fiction's powerful and lovely discography.

Xiu Xiu - Girl with Basket of Fruit Xiu Xiu always makes me smile. This album is dense and abrasive and very lyrics-forward. Jamie Stewart sounds fucking pissed and I love it. The beats are quick and unrelenting: samples of Haitian drummers led by musician Daniel Brevil. I also can't get over the fact that Angela Seo published her favorite and least favorite lyrics from each song. Jamie wrote this about the record's title, which references Caravaggio's painting Boy with a Basket of Fruit: "When this title is a boy it is fey and lovely. When it is a girl is worrisome and rife with danger. Male martyrs are almost always surrounded by nurses, their mothers, adoring angels and other loving disciples wrapping their crushed and holy bodies in strips of herb soaked cloth and weeping rapturously. Female martyrs are almost always depicted having their skin flayed, breasts branded or ripped off with tongs or being stabbed and they are always, always alone save for her murderers. There is never anyone by their sides celebrating their spiritual life, only fiendishly reveling in their torture of her. It is perilous to be a 'girl.'"

Bats - Alter Nature I was shocked to find out these guys have been around for 10 years. This sounds like an album by a young band, which I mean as a compliment: it's energetic and rough and a little uneven in parts in ways that I enjoy. The sound is either especially intense but poppy post-punk or kind of gentle hardcore. I think there's a lot of crossover potential between those two fan bases here. Their attitude is what I love more than anything else. I don't know how to describe it exactly. It feels like the band are willing to go to weird, sarcastic places and then quickly snap back to sincerity and brutality, often multiple times in one song. I'm not much of a hardcore fan, but I almost wish they'd spent a little more time with that sound: my favorite parts on this record are the heavier bits like the end of Current Affairs.

Olivia Neutron-John - Olivia Neutron-John This album sounds like if you trapped a musique concrete artist in a timeless hell with a couple drum machines and synths for a millenium and then poked a hole in the wall and recorded what came out. Really fun and uncomfortable. I do still think the best format to experience ONJ is in her like 20-minute rambling dance tracks, like 2017's Injury Train.

Liturgy - H.A.Q.Q. A lot of people really despise Liturgy, and if that's the case for you, this album probably won't change your mind, but for what it's worth, it's a little more accessible than their synth-horn-heavy black metal midi extravaganza of a previous album The Ark Work. H.A.Q.Q. does contain weird, tonally distinct interludes (the EXACO trio of tracks) between its transcendental metal pillars, but they're the rare interludes that go beyond merely cleansing the palette and setting the mood for whatever follows. EXACT III especially is a bright and emotionally complete unit. What we're really here for is the metal, though, and this album delivers like nothing Liturgy has released before. Composer/singer/guitarist Hendrix's melodies are unique and beautiful, the riffs and blastbeats are tight, and the stuttering glitches that break up dense passages are welcome even when they're really surprising. HAJJ, PASAQALIA, GOD OF LOVE, and HAQQ are all monster tracks, but the whole album is well worth your time. The lead single, GOD OF LOVE, is a great place to start. This is definitely, easily my favorite black metal album of all time, and probably my favorite metal album full stop.

Blood Orange - Angel's Pulse Dev Hynes' mixtape is by turns propulsive and relaxing, softspoken and hardheaded. It's brilliant and beautiful and although it's not too long, each song is given ample room to breathe. I wish other artists were as effective at utilizing guest artists (some tracks here have three guests, and Hynes is able to manage their time well enough that there's no feeling of bloatedness or a lack of cohesion). I love this album. It might be my favorite thing Hynes has ever done. Listen to: Take It Back, Berlin, Dark & Handsome

Toro y Moi - Outer Peace Chaz's album Boo Boo was one of my favorite albums of 2017, but because it wasn't chillwave enough or whatever, people didn't seem to give it a fair shake. That seems to be the case with Outer Peace, too: it's less of a single unit than Boo Boo and contains more danceable content, but it's a little too moody and eccentric to win over fans of Anything In Return, Chaz's basically perfect 2013 opus. (As a side note, his mixtape Soul Trash, which also came out this year, is good fun too.) Anyway, Outer Peace feels kind of like a more accessible extension of Boo Boo. Parts of it still feel like a deranged early-morning exercise program on college radio, which I like. Try some of the lighter stuff first: Fading, Ordinary Pleasure, and Freelance.

Opium Lord - Vore No genre has better subgenre descriptors than metal. This is a black sludge album, and that's pretty much all you need to know.

Mid-Air Thief - Crumbling Okay so this album technically came out in 2018, but it had a wide release this year on Topshelf Records with like four different wax colors, and also I only found out about it early this year, and I need to spread the word about one of the most delightful, fun, and beautiful albums I've ever heard. On Crumbling, organic strums and synthetic trills form a deeply engaging tapestry. I love every second of it. Combining sounds in this way totally qualifies as left-field experimental shit just because It Seems Like Nobody Else Is Doing It For Some Reason (except I guess Floating Points, see SOTY), but the music itself is actually really accessible. This is what pop music should sound like! We have the technology!! Please listen to this album. Dirt and Gameun Deut are my favorites at the moment, but you honestly can't go wrong.

Angel Olsen - All Mirrors Olsen's gotten grander. Her ballads are longer and involve strings and synthesizers and beat machines. The soul feels the same to me, though. Songs like the title track are powerful and emotive and showcase not just her vocal range but a new range of sonic experimentation that I think complements her songwriting really well. For those who aren't on board with the 7-minute ballads, there are also more lighthearted tracks like Too Easy and Spring. I knew that Chance reminded me of a specific song, but I couldn’t think of the name until I read something by a person named Grimelords about how it’s like her version of Sinatra's My Way. That’s exactly what it’s like.

Girl Band - The Talkies Shoulderblades is an ugly, mammoth, multi-part story. Brilliant genreless repetition like in album opener Prolix and at the end of Couch Combover. Amygdela sounds like if early Preoccupations was fronted by someone undergoing torture whilst also muttering at their withdrawal hallucinations. The vibe here is complex. It's a very consistent album, but the collection of sounds and attitudes is really unusual. Caveat is a great example: a simple beat and twitching synth line turns into a lumbering mess of distortion-and back again, whenever it decides to-at will.

0 Stars - Blowing on a Marshmallow in Perpetuity Timid singing, odd titles, and every-instrument-in-the-room textures on this album belie depth and a very warm heart. "even though my dog barked at a baby, i won't tell her 'no' cause that's just the way she deals with being scared and sometimes i get scared too, and it's bad enough without the shame when i mess things up and you don't come over, i go to the kitchen and eat leftovers just because i'm sad doesn't mean it is fair to depend on you when you're sad too"

(Sandy) Alex G - House of Sugar With Gretel—the best song of the year—as its lead single, House of Sugar set an impossibly high expectation. Although Gretel is certainly a high point on the album, there are many more: Hope is inconspicuous but beautiful, honest, and cathartic, SugarHouse is a devastating jam, and Southern Sky whirls comfortingly from a rose-tinted verse into a chorus supposedly inspired by a dream and tinged with sadness. All but one of these songs are under 4 minutes long, but they're packed with conflict between abstract and concrete lyrics, beauty and strangeness. It's Alex G, so don't be surprised by the unexpected and often outright weird electronic flourishes and transitions throughout the record, but if you can handle its irregularities, this is easily one of the most fresh-sounding and enjoyable albums of the year.

Emily Reo - Only You Can See It A bright, fun, and beautiful album full of bouyant vocals and strange twists and turns. Although I deeply love the poppy stuff here (like the anthemic single Strawberry), my faves are the slower, darker, vaguely occultish songs: Ghosting, Counterspell (a shimmering sequel to 2016's Spell, one of the best songs of the year), and In Theaters, which is one of those songs that builds and builds and then has the most satisfying payoff. It might be my favorite ending of any album this year. I hope you check this one out. Emily is the coolest and this album rocks.

Chromatics - Closer To Grey Of course this came out in October. Chromatics is the only band that is allowed to use canned vinyl hiss. The first song on this record is a Sound of Silence cover and it is amazing.

Mizmor - Cairn I try to approach new music without giving too much thought to the circumstances of its creation, but something about the idea of a mythical lone individual painstakingly crafting beautiful layered music appeals to me, whether it's Phil Elverum of Mt. Eerie, Sufjan Stevens, or this: Mizmor, some dude from Portland, OR making sick, dense black metal. Cairn is a slow, doomy, cinematic album, and maybe these qualities make it easier to notice the incredible attention to detail on individual riffs or little instrumental passages. My favorites were Cairn to God and The Narrowing Way

Laura Agnusdei - Laurisilva Lounge music from hell. Twin Peaks-y saxophone glides over squishy synthetic beats. Lungs Dance sounds like a block of jello having a nightmare. In all seriousness, this is an ingenious and very unique album and I enjoy it a lot. A lot of music I listened to this year attempted to merge organic and synthetic sound in a way that emphasises their similarities. Here, synthetic sounds and recognizable voices/samples/sax & flute riffs are juxtaposed, and the rift is never bridged. And it's weirdly comfortable. This is the most acidic of acid jazz. And honestly, I just really like how wet the synths sound.

~~~~~

SONGS I LOVED (singles for albums that i think outshone the album OR songs that were released not as part of an album OR just songs i heard and enjoyed. this will hopefully prevent me from including an album i don't actually love just because i really dug one song on it)

Arthur Russell - You Did It Yourself Iowa Dream is a great collection of Russell's more accessible unreleased work. You Did It Yourself in particular is such a perfectly weird, groovy almost-pop song, a reminder that Russell was as talented a writer of hooks as he was a mastermind of electroacoustic experimentation. To explore his other side, check out another of his posthumous releases from this year, Not Checking Up.

MGMT - In The Afternoon A gothic post-punk masterpiece that sort of follows from their excellent 2018 album Little Dark Age. This is MGMT's best era ever. My most-anticipated-2020 list is basically MGMT and Owen Pallett's Island. And probably one or two more Big Thief records.

Floating Points - Falaise Floating Points' 2019 album Crush consists mostly of Aphex-Twin-y glitch-beat tracks that occasionally push towards something really interesting and unique. It's a great album, but the organic instruments on opener Falaise set you up brilliantly for an organosynthetic payoff that never arrives.

Honey by Drugdealer/Weyes Blood okay, Lonely on the same album is fun, if a little silly. Lost In My Dream is also totally decent, and Fools is kind of a bop... actually, this whole album, while not totally my cup of tea, is great. If you like 70's-disco-inflected (like, Bee Gees) retro rock, sweet vocal harmonies and guitar licks, and a few indulgences (like saxophone), you'll totally dig this record. I'm gonna spend some more time with it. Honey fucks especially though imo

Everything All at Once - G Jones Something about this song just scratches an itch in my brain. The rest of this album is basically dubstep, and it all sandwiches this one beautiful little song. Better not to question life's gifts.

Perfume Genius - Eye in the Wall Sandunes & Landslands - Eleven Eleven James Blake - Barefoot In The Dark new grimes unfortunately Deafheaven - Black Brick

~~~~~

Honorable Mentions/stuff i like but other people would probably love

Kim Gordon - No Home Record An experimental (but comfortably modern) record by the 66-yr-old Gordon, best known as a multi-instrumentalist/vocalist in Sonic Youth, a band I occasionally appreciate but can't say I love. Parts of No Home Record are noise rock-y, like Murdered Out, and others totally defy comprehension: Paprika Pony seems to have the most buzz surrounding it, which makes sense since it features both a kalimba and a trap beat. Really not a resting-on-laurels type of album. I wish more iconic older musicians made shit like this.

Pharmakon - Devour The rare album that makes me forget about my tinnitus. A dense cloud of distortion and sharply biting microscopic needle creatures that settle around your shoulders and block out all light. Fucking awesome. Listen if you enjoy oppressive painfully pulsing sound textures of industrial noise blanketing completely incoherent screaming.

clipping. - There Existed an Addiction to Blood This is a tough one for me because there are things about this album I can't stand, but many more things I absolutely love. The inventiveness of the production on Run for Your Life, Daveed's absurdly skilled delivery on Blood of the Fang, the harsh noise and musique concrete combining delightfully with rap on songs like La Mala Ordina; all of this is extremely exciting. I really love the last track Piano Burning, an 18-minute recording of, yes, a piano burning. The thing is, clipping.'s lyrical content is more or less the same here as on 2013's Midcity mixtape. It's ultra-violent, filled with graphic descriptions of gang violence and torture, which is fine, but just not something I'm that interested in listening to more than once or twice. They've branched out elsewhere (on their previous album, Splendor & Misery, and on the recent EP The Deep), but to me, it's unfortunate that this super cool and thoughtful album is lyrically (at least, on the surface) just a collection of descriptions of people being murdered. I don't really have any interest in reading more into it than that, because I regret pretty much every time I try to pay close attention, either because it's gross and boring or because it's embarrassing (The Show, for example). I want to emphasize that as horrorcore goes, the writing here is mostly very good. The rhyme patterns like at the beginning of Story 7 are genius. It's just not for me, I guess. I'm gonna keep listening to a few songs, though: Nothing is Safe, La Mala Ordina, Run for Your Life, and Blood of the Fang are excellent.

Field Whispers - Fire-Toolz The Warm-Body is a great song. Hyphen- (and parenthesis-) heavy vapor/pc music/new age/ambient jazzy synth stuff. really nice.

Caroline Polachek - Pang every r/indieheads dude: i like slide guitar now probably the best vocal performance of any album I heard this year, Polachek is just ludicrously good. listen to Insomnia

Danny Brown - uknowhatimsayin¿ When most artists release an album of outsized acclaim, you can with some certainty expect them to mimic its acclaimed qualities later on in an attempt to reach the same level of success. Danny Brown is not most artists, though, and no one who knows him would count on a retreading of the ground covered in Atrocity Exhibition, Danny's nearly perfect 2016 album. uknowhatimsayin¿ is more lighthearted and, I think, a little less ambitious (it's 13 minutes shorter, with more consistent track lengths; there's no "Really Doe"), but not to its detriment. The features are less head-turning than AE (up-and-comers JPEGMAFIA and Obongjayer, the understated genius Blood Orange, and Run the Jewels, the most overrated act in hip hop), but they all fit in neatly. Tracks like Belly of The Beast and Negro Spiritual prove Danny could still rap over a washing machine or musique concrete or fucking whatever. The lyrics are less dense, the beats less experimental and strange, but the lighter energy is kind of nice. Atrocity Exhibition could've lost three or four tracks, but this album feels juuuust right.

HTRK - Over the Rainbow Soft, ambient, moody. Reminds me of William Basinski's Watermusic II, but this album is less repetitive and a little less weird. It's background music for people who hate background music. It's delightful and ignorable. Very nice.

Blarf - Cease & Desist Shockingly decent plunderphonics/noise album from Eric Andre, who it must be pointed out attended one of the most prestigious music colleges in the world.

Ryan Lott - Pentaptych Beautiful, prickly modernist string compositions.

Cereal Killer - The Beginning & End of Cereal Killer Empath - Active Listening: Night on Earth Ithaca - The Language of Injury Mannequin Pussy - Patience Swan's Chamber - Swan's Chamber Avey Tare - Cows on Hourglass Pond Men I Trust - Oncle Jazz Charli XCX - Charli Black Midi - Schlagenheim Michael Kiwanuka - Kiwanuka Methyl Ethyl - Triage Bill Callahan - Shepherd in a Sheepskin Vest Better Oblivion Community Center - Better Oblivion Community Center Twin Peaks - Lookout Low Holly Herndon - Proto Laurel Halo - DJ-Kicks Earl Sweatshirt - Feet of Clay Nihiloxica - Biiri Wet Fruit - Wet Fruit

Best mix: Night Bus 4: Memory of Night Bus by CFCF When Hyperballad hits, you will understand. http://www.gorillavsbear.net/cfcf-drops-night-bus-4-memory-of-night-bus

Best album name:

Gross Net - Gross Net Means Gross Net.

Answers my foremost question immediately.~~~~~

A halfhearted AOTD list, in order this time

1-The Age of Adz

2-Heartland

3-Entrañas

4-The Money Store

5-Channel Orange

6-Planetarium

7-Ontario Gothic

8-Konoyo+Anoyo (this is cheating but whatever)

9-Carrie & Lowell + Greatest Gift (also cheating idc)

10-My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

thanks for reading. the world is abundant.

#music

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