#about how hormones affect the body and do I really know what I am doing

[cervinelich]

PSA FOR TRANSMASCS

And afab people in general. There's gonna be some TMI here so I apologize in advance.

So, I was using some nipple suction things for sex reasons when I noticed that a tiny bead of sticky fluid had come out of one of my nipples - and, firstly, you should always tell your doctor if you are having nipple discharge.

I told my doctor about it and she referred me to get a mammogram and breast ultrasound because this can be a sign of cancer or infection. It can also be caused by hormone irregularity (for instance, if you are on testosterone).

Due to a bunch of insurance shit I wasn't able to get in to my mammogram/ultrasound until 5 months after the initial discharge and in the meantime I was still using the nipple suction bc 1. I like it and 2. I kind of had a morbid curiosity about the discharge tbh.

Here's the MOST important part.

It wasn't until I spoke to the ultrasound technician 5 months later that she told me under no circumstances should I be intentionally expressing the discharge.

My results all came back negative and it turns out it was just hormonal, however my regular doctor had not told me that expressing the discharge opens up your mammary ducts to infection. The more they open, the more likely they are to get infected. And, according to the technician, it is not easily treated with antibiotics and is extremely painful - and sometimes requires surgery.

Unfortunately for me this means no more suction devices, rip, but since my doctor had neglected to tell me about this I thought it was worth spreading the word.

#medical #afab #transmasc #psa #its always weird to me the way that every PCP who learns I'm on testosterone gives me weird condescending lectures #about how hormones affect the body and do I really know what I am doing #and yet there are constant never ending stories of doctors simply not telling afab people really basic warning signs about their bodies #I'm thinking of course about that one post by the doctor about menopausal symptoms of cancer #anyway if you are on testosterone this might happen to you and even if it is caused by hormones you should still tell your doctor #just in case

[emma-needs-attention]

I don’t shave every day. It’s not that I don’t “need” to; I have very dark, dense facial hair that grows quickly and remains pretty visible after shaving. When I do shave, I don’t try to cover it with makeup (beyond some powder to reduce redness). In most other ways I present very feminine, but I always have fairly obvious facial hair.

And it makes me feel terrible.

I started electrolysis a couple months ago. It’s excruciatingly painful, expensive, and it takes forever. In an hour-long session, my electrologist is able to remove hair in only a small region (about 1 square inch). A few weeks later, much of that hair comes back. I am told that it will take two to three years of regular treatments to remove it entirely. On top of that, I apparently have a condition called Post Inflammatory Hyperpigmentation, which causes the skin in affected areas to darken after treatment. For nearly two months after completing a single pass over my upper lip, my mustache was more visible than it had ever been, despite having significantly less hair.

And it made me feel terrible.

I know this is the best way for me to permanently remove my facial hair, but I just canceled all of my upcoming sessions and at the moment I have no plans to begin again.

If I could pay to have my facial hair instantly and completely removed I would empty my savings account. I am intensely aware of it any time I go out in public. If it makes me so uncomfortable, why do I not do more to hide it?

I feel incredibly privileged for a trans woman. I have a loving, supportive family. I have a well-paying job. I live in a very accepting area. I have never had a single person say anything negative to me about my gender identity, which was certainly not what I was expecting when I came out. It is important to me that I be visibly queer, and in my privileged position I am able to do that without fear. A year ago I didn’t think I would ever transition; now I want people to know that I’m trans.

I am disappointed with myself for wanting to remove my facial hair, for changing my voice. I am determined not to have to do more work than a cis person does. Cis women don’t have to shave their face every day. Cis men don’t have to shave their face every day. Why should I? This is who I am, what my body does. Shouldn’t I be proud of that? Am I not supposed to love myself the way I am?

But by that logic, why am I even transitioning in the first place?

I am doing more work than a cis person does. Cis people don’t transition, and transitioning takes effort. I know that there are cis people, both men and women, who do shave every day. Am I lying to myself? I’m a trans woman; aren’t I supposed to want to get rid of my facial hair? Shouldn’t I be trying harder? Doesn’t this give me dysphoria? Am I pretending not to have dysphoria so I don’t have to put in the effort? Does the fact that I’m not trying harder make me… I don’t know, less trans? Non-binary? Is it ok for me to call myself a trans woman? Am I lying to myself?

As a woman who was a man until thirty, there are things about my body that I must accept, that I won’t be able to change no matter how much money I dump into my transition. I’m tall, I have broad shoulders, I have large hands. No amount of surgery or hormones will change these things.

But there are many things that I can change, and while none of them are requirements for being a woman, they may still be changes that I want to make. Where do I stop? Am I finished transitioning when I’ve done everything that is physically possible? My goal isn’t to “pass,” at least not in the way that word is generally used. In a time when cis women are being assaulted because people think they’re trans—because they don’t “pass” as women—the idea of what it means to pass becomes blurry. Often when we say that we want to pass, what we really mean is that we want to be conventionally beautiful.

I am a woman. Therefore, I look like a woman. My transition goal is to pass as myself. I’ve spent the last year trying to figure out who I am so I can look like her. I don’t care whether people see me and think “that’s a woman.” I want to be able to look in the mirror and think “that’s me.” But it can be extremely difficult to separate your own image of yourself from society’s idea of what you should look like. Am I self-conscious about the size of my body because it doesn’t feel like me, or because I’ve been told that women should be smaller? There are tall cis women, there are broad-shouldered cis women, there are cis women with large hands. Those traits don’t make them less womanly.

For the aspects of my body that I do have control over, I am stuck wondering whether I am changing things to become myself, or changing them because I have internalized that the way I am is wrong. At the moment, facial feminization surgery is something that I think I might like to do. But how do I know that I want to do it for the right reasons? I don’t hate my face, but when I catch a glimpse of myself from certain angles I can’t help but think that it isn’t feminine enough. What I should be asking is if it’s Emma enough, but how can I know that? How do I know who I’m supposed to be?

I feel like I was supposed to be a cis woman, but… why? Who am I to say that I wasn’t supposed to be trans? That I wasn’t supposed to transition at thirty, to have both a male puberty and a female one? Being trans has made me more self-aware, more open-minded, more empathetic. The totality of my experience is what makes me who I am. Maybe there’s a world in which I was assigned female, maybe there’s a world in which I was put on puberty blockers as a kid. But the girl in those worlds isn’t me.

Loving yourself and wanting to change are two feelings that can coexist. I tend to think of body positivity as simply accepting yourself as you are, but it is more nuanced than that. As a trans person, who I am inside is not the same as who I am outside. Which one am I supposed to love? I do love myself, but I also love who I could be. I’m transitioning so that someday they’ll be the same person.

Over the past year I have become both my biggest supporter and my biggest critic. I constantly tell myself how pretty I am, how brave I am, how fucking cool I am (hey, nobody else is saying it and it’s true). This forced positivity has been fantastic for me. I can confidently say that I truly love myself for the first time in my life. But I sometimes feel guilty that I don’t love myself more.

I can’t help but stare at myself in the mirror all the time now. I actually bought a new mirror so I didn’t have to walk as far to do so. I’ve taken more selfies than I did in my entire pre-transition life. After many months on HRT, I finally see myself in my reflection. But my eyes refuse to focus on my stubble. Sometimes I catch myself thinking “I’m going be so beautiful once I get rid of this facial hair,” and it feels like a betrayal. Fuck you Emma, I’m already gorgeous.

#trans #transfem #transgender #lgbtq #comics #essay #art #cw dysphoria

[upsidedownwithsteve]

Idk if you’ve done pregnant grumpy!reader x sunshine!steve yet buuuut Steve trying to make reader feel better bc she’s getting supper irritated at him super quickly

You were everything you hated being.

Too hot, too tired, too hungry, too bloated. Your body was changing and becoming more uncomfortable, five months pregnant and growing by the day. It didn’t help that it was summer in Indiana, a heatwave that you knew would eventually come, but you still weren’t prepared for the heat - especially now your swimming suit didn’t fit.

“Honey?” Steve’s tone was soft and cajoling, his expression wary as he approached with a bowl of watermelon cubes as an offering.

You’d been snappy all day, unfairly so considering the boy hadn’t done anything to deserve it, apart from helping to put you in your current state. You’d had a lot of fun trying and you’d cried tears of absolute joy in Steve’s lap at the sight of those two pink lines, but your feet were swollen and your tummy poked out the top of your shorts.

You ignored the fruit, slouching further into the couch instead, your expression morose. “I look like Winnie the Pooh,” you cried woefully. You prodded gently at your round tummy, your belly button that stuck out more than ever. “Look at it.”

Steve tried to hide his grin, a cough covering his laugh and a fist over his mouth. You glared at him on warning as he dropped to the floor beside the sofa, placing the bowl in your lap and a warm hand on your thigh.

“I am,” he told you, palm travelling up and over to cup the top of your bump, his eyes turning soft as he gazed at it. He leaned in to nudge his nose against your tummy. “I look at it every day, y’know.”

Normally such sweetness would be rewarded with a kiss or some kind of other affection, but your skin was sticky with sweat and after specifically asking for watermelon, baby had decided she really didn’t want it anymore. Your eyes watered and you sniffed, bottom lip trembling.

“Uh-oh,” Steve said easily, not as panicked by your tears as he used to be. The hormones had turned you into a human fountain, for any and all emotion. “What’s the damage? A kick to the ribs? Sore feet? A burst pipe?” Steve cradled your belly with two big hands and he peered at it accusingly. “What’re you doing to your mom, you gremlin?”

You laughed unexpectedly, a watery hiccuping that made Steve beam at you. You dashed away the tears at your lash line and snugged again, simultaneously feeling better and stupid. “She’s not a gremlin,” you protested, “she’s just making me turn crazy.” You brought a hand to your boyfriends cheek, day old stubble scratching at your palm and you rubbed a thumb over his jaw adoringly.

“You’re not crazy,” Steve insisted softly. “You’re pregnant, honey.”

You smiled, still a little watery. “Isn’t it the same thing?”

Steve huffed out a laugh and turned his head to kiss your hand. “Maybe,” he conceded. Another kiss, this time on the inside of your wrist. “You okay?”

You nodded, suddenly exhausted. You let your shoulders droop, your head falling back into the couch cushions as the heat of the afternoon settled into a sticky warmth over your skin. “Tired,” you said and Steve knew that, could hear you getting up and down through then night to pee, then in the kitchen for more water, a vicious cycle. “But m’too warm, just uncomfortable.”

Steve pouted sympathetically, hands travelling down your sides, over your hips, squeezing affectionately. His touch made your lashes flutter.

“I’m sorry,” you added, your voice small and soft. You looked like you were about to cry again. “Didn’t mean to be a bitch.”

Steve tutted away your apology, leaning carefully over your belly to kiss your lips, one peck that turned onto two, three, until he was pressing his mouth to your cheeks, your nose, your chin. “Don’t gotta apologise, baby, I know it’s hard.” He hummed against you, one lazy, slow last kiss that felt like the summer heatwave. “How ‘bout a cool shower, then a movie? I’ll let you use me as a pillow.”

You closed your eyes in bliss at the suggestion, nodding gratefully. When you opened them again, Steve was holding a piece of watermelon for you, brows raised.

You made a face, feeling awfully guilty even as your stomach turned over in protest. “Baby decided we don’t want watermelon anymore.”

Steve gasped, overly dramatic. “God, she really is a gremlin—”

“Steven.”

“What?” The boy grinned before he popped a cube of fruit into his mouth. “You’re lucky I like watermelon,” he tried to sound mean about it, but he failed miserably when he leaned back over to smack a kiss to your cheek. “And you… and you,” he conceded, one final kiss to the top of your bump.

#Steve harrington #Steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #Steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington fanfic #Steve harrington fic #Steve harrington fanfiction #Steve harrington drabble #Steve harrington oneshot #Steve harrington imagine #Steve harrington blurb #Steve harrington fluff #Steve baby blurb

[theambitiouswoman]

Hi! I love your blog. I wanted to know your opinions on hookup culture. Do you believe there’s harm in it? Do you believe it is an unhealthy thing to pursue when you aren’t looking for anything?

This is such a hot topic and I see a lot of opinions on this. I will not tell you what to do with your life, but I will offer you a perspective that I think will be very valuable in your decision.

Sex biologically affects women differently than it does men. It affects your hormones and your body will actually think you're in love for weeks/months.

Make sure you really aren't looking for anything, because I know some women say that and deep down they are longing for an actual connection. In which case, why would you put yourself in a position to hurt yourself emotionally?

Which leads me to three, do you really want all these men to say they slept with you? You are the prize and need to allow yourself to be treated as such. Remember, sex to men is just sex. They will sleep with anyone and anything. Yes, some women too- I know. But goes back to how it actually does affect your body differently and how society perceives gender roles and decades of generational conditioning thats engrained in our psyche. Does xyz person deserve to sleep with you? Or are you just aware they aren't but want to anyway? Do what you want, but always keep that in mind.

How we do anything is how we do everything. Sexual discipline can be a very powerful tool, especially for a woman. We should be able to have emotional discipline and not be controlled by our urges. That is basically same as being controlled by our emotions. I have said this about men and same for women, not being able to control our sexual urges is a weakness. Not saying you can't have them or indulge, but some people really lack self control. (if you have an actual medical condition, I am not referring to you)

Most women (I think its over 70%) never orgasm in their life. A lot of men aren't good in bed (which is hard to decipher when you are in your early 20s and have raging hormones) and sexual compatibility is tricky to find the older you get. So invest wisely.

There is also an aspect of why we sleep with people aside from urges that revolves around personal validation. One thing I will say if this is your case, is there is no validation or positive effect on your self worth for doing this. On the contrary. I know it may feel good at the moment, but thats as far as it goes.

So in short please remember that you are the prize. Women are very powerful and have a strong influence on men when they know how to use their power.

[lucy90712]

I’ll be there for you- Pablo Gavi

A/n: this is a long one- 4.1k

Warnings: pregnancy; mentions of birth 

I don't quite know how it happened as it all happened so quickly but my life just fell apart right in front of my eyes. Today has been such a rollercoaster of emotions I've gone from anxious to crying to angry then back to crying and now I just feel absolutely nothing. I've heard of people saying that you can just feel numb but I've never experienced it until today and what they say couldn't be more true I just feel nothing it's like I don't have the energy to feel anymore. 

For the last week or so I haven't been feeling great and I could just tell something wasn't right but my fears were confirmed when my period was a few days late. I really didn't want to take a test as then it would become real but I knew I had to so this morning I went and got one without telling anyone. Of course when I had the courage to take the test it showed two clear lines meaning I really am pregnant. There was nothing I could do to stop the tears flowing down my face as there was so many thoughts flooding through my mind like what will my boyfriend think, how will this affect my studying and how am I going to cope with a baby. Growing up an only child means I've not had much experience with babies and I don't know much past the basics about pregnancy which makes all of this a whole lot scarier. 

For the next few hours I was so in my own world that I didn't even realise the time until my boyfriend came home and I knew I had to tell him straight away just to get that out of my head. We have been together for a few years and have talked about having kids in the future but not yet so I know he won't be overly happy but hopefully he will see that something out there believes this is the right time for us. I wanted a minute to think of the right thing to say to him but he noticed that there was something up straight away. I tried to brush it off for a second but he was persistent in trying to get the truth out of me. 

"I'm pregnant" I eventually said 

"What?" He questioned 

"I'm pregnant" I repeated

"Oh" he said bluntly 

"I don't think I can do this I'm not ready for a family and I feel like I haven't been as into this relationship recently anyway" he said 

"Wait so you're leaving me?" I asked 

"Yeah I'm sorry I just can't do it I don't care what you do but I don't want to be part of all this like at all" he said before just walking out 

With that everything got a whole lot worse. As if things weren't challenging enough I now have to do it all alone. In that moment I began cursing my decision to move to Barcelona away from my family and friends to follow my boyfriend and start school as now I have no support system and I definitely don't have the money to move back home. Most of my friends out here are from my boyfriends friend group as he introduced me to them when I moved here so even those people probably won't be here for me. Even thinking about having to do this all alone had me balling as not only is this a tough situation I also have a lot of hormones raging through my body making me even more emotional than usual. 

As I was nearly drowning in my own tears my phone began to ring so I grabbed it hoping it would be my now ex boyfriend telling me he regrets his decision and actually wants to stay together. That wasn't the case though it was actually my one friend who isn't associated with my ex, Gavi. He doesn't usually phone me at all let alone at this time so I felt like I had to answer just in case he needed something or something was wrong as despite my disastrous situation other people's lives still go on. I tried to sound like I hadn't been crying and asked him if everything was alright but he noticed something was wrong straight away and told me he was coming over before hanging up. 

It wasn't long before Pablo arrived and came straight into my apartment calling for me but I couldn't bring myself to get up from my position on the floor by the sofa. Once Pablo saw me he practically ran over and sat down next to me putting his arm around me to try and provide some comfort. For some reason having him by my side made me even more emotional and the tears began to flow again. Pablo then held me closer allowing me to cry into his chest which was just what I needed, he was there for me, he wasn't saying much he just provided some comfort which is all I want. He rubbed my back gently until I managed to gain control of my emotions enough to finally look at Pablo whose eyes were full of worry. 

"Whenever you're ready please tell me what's going on" Pablo said 

"It's a lot" I said 

"That doesn't matter clearly you need to get whatever this is off your chest and I'm here to listen" he said 

"I'm pregnant and y/bf/n left me saying he wants nothing to do with the baby" I finally admitted 

"Wow what an asshole" Pablo whispered under his breath 

"Are you ok how are you feeling?" He asked 

"Right now I just feel numb I don't know what to do it's all just a lot to think about" I ranted 

"Its ok I'm here for you why don't we just talk everything through" he said 

After that I took a deep breath and Pablo who is usually always messing around and having fun was actually serious for once and ready to help me. He allowed me to say everything that was on my mind and bit by bit we began to figure things out. Pablo promised me that he would do everything he could to help me and even insisted that I move in with him as this apartment isn't mine. I didn't want to have to move in with Pablo but he keep insisting that I need support and to have someone around and eventually I gave in and agreed with him. 

~~~~~~~~~~

A few months later 

It's been a long hard few months. For pretty much my entire first trimester I spent the majority of my time laying on the sofa feeling exhausted and incredibly sick. However now that I'm approaching the halfway mark I have finally started to feel better and have been able to do a bit more. Pablo has been a godsend during all of this he's taken me to all of my appointments and done everything he possibly can to make me feel even a little bit better. On my really bad days he will spend as long as necessary sat holding my hair and rubbing my back as I throw up and when I'm tired during the day he will let me rest my head on his shoulder so I can nap. As much as those things have been nice the thing I appreciate the most is how he's been there for me mentally. When I moved in with Pablo I completely cut off my ex and anyone to do with him which was hard as it left me feeling pretty lonely but Pablo has been my rock as he's been able to help me see the positives of the situation and the right way to move forward.

Today is my 20 week scan where I should be able to find out the gender of the baby. Pablo begged me to make the scan for after his training as really wanted to be there. He's been to as many scans and appointments as he possible can but he missed the last few due to being away but he really wanted to find out the gender with me. Of course I had to oblige and make the appointment at a later time so Pablo is coming back straight after training to pick me up. Having Pablo at appointments has been nice as it makes everything slightly less daunting plus while I'm stressing he's able to actually listen to what the doctors and nurses are saying. The only downside is that all of the staff think Pablo is my boyfriend and the father of the baby and neither of us are brave enough to correct them as we don't want to have to explain the situation plus I would rather not have the judgment. 

There are worse things than having people believe that Pablo's my boyfriend but it has certainly messed with my head. Since everything happened I've started to see Pablo in a new light and my feelings have drifted to beyond just friends. It's all very complicated as I can't tell whether my hormones have anything to do with my feelings plus I can't risk telling Pablo how I feel in case he doesn't feel the same and kicks me out as then I'd be truly alone. Day by day it's getting harder to keep my feelings to myself especially on days like today where Pablo is so excited to go with me to the appointment even though the baby isn't his. Pablo has treated me and the baby as though we are his the entire time which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I so badly wish that that was true but he's not mine no matter how much I think about it nothing will happen as Pablo doesn't need anything else on his plate right now. 

Just as I was starting to spiral into my little dreamworld Pablo came home and helped me up as I'm starting to struggle a bit so we could head to the doctors together. Recently my bump has really started to grow making it a lot more obvious that I'm pregnant which has made me a bit insecure as I always think people are judging me when I'm in the streets. As we got in the car like always the baby started kicking like crazy so before we left I grabbed Pablo's hand and placed it on my stomach so he could feel the kicks as he mentioned how weird it must feel the other day so I wanted him to experience it. 

"Wow that's so cool can you feel that all the time?" He asked 

"Not all the time but it's been getting stronger recently and baby's always really active in the car and when I want to sleep" I said 

"Aww so you like to keep your mama up at night already do you little one" he said to my stomach and I think I nearly exploded from the cuteness 

"Oh yeah getting me ready for the months of no sleep soon" I laughed 

Pablo laughed too as he started to drive towards the hospital but he kept his hand on my bump rubbing it gently which made the baby go crazy and had me feeling all sorts of things. I could tell that my cheeks were bright red and my heart was beating at a million miles an hour just because he had his hand on me. Having his hand on me made the car ride feel a million times longer but eventually we arrived at the hospital and I could begin to calm myself down so that the nurses didn't think I was dying or something. 

The wait for my appointment wasn't too long so before I knew it I had the freezing cold gel on my stomach and the nurse was checking the babies development to make sure they are growing as they should be. Once the nurse had done all of the important checks she asked if I wanted to know the gender to which I obviously said yes. As I responded Pablo grabbed my hand which made me look over to see that he had the biggest smile on his face as he was so excited to find out what I was having. Looking at him only made me smile as his smile was that infectious and it made all the nerves I was feeling about being able to be a good mother disappear in an instant. Right after that the nurse happily told us that I was having a girl and we were both super happy but confused as we were sure it was a boy but clearly we were both wrong. 

"Thats so exciting a little mini you" Pablo said once the nurse left 

"I know I'm surprised I was sure it was a boy" I said 

"Me too but you know now we have to go and buy loads of cute clothes and decorations for the nursery" Pablo said 

"I'd love to but I don't have the money to buy loads of things" I admitted 

"Don't you worry about that I'm happy to pay for everything and before you say anything I want to do this" he said as we were now getting back in the car 

"I can't let you do that Pablo as much as I appreciate it you shouldn't spend your money on a baby that's not yours" I said 

"But I want to plus I can't help but feel an attachment to the baby even if she's not genetically mine I already can't wait to meet her when she's born" Pablo admitted 

"Thats so cute your going to make me cry" I choked out

"Please don't cry I love you and your little baby" Pablo was quick to say

"Wait I don't mean I love you oh who am I kidding I definitely love you and I get that nows probably not the best time to admit that but it's time I told you how I really feel" he said 

"I love you too Pablo but if we are going to try this we need to take it slow" I said 

"We can do whatever you want I just want to give this a go" he said 

~~~~~~~~~~

Another few months later 

The second half of my pregnancy has been so much better than my first Pablo and I started dating taking things slowly of course but I've never been happier in my entire life than I have been the last few months. Pablo has been so good to me I thought he was super sweet before but now he is an angel he literally waits on me hand and foot and does anything he can for me to make my life easier. Everyday when he comes home he takes over and does the chores even though I tell him I'm fine to do it and then every night he gives me a massage as I'm at the stage of pregnancy where everything hurts. He has also single-handedly put together the nursery, we picked out the colour and furniture together and then Pablo put it all together and even decorated the room which turned out perfectly. I honestly couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend than Pablo I thought things would be difficult at some points as I still have a very obvious tie to my ex even if we don't speak but that hasn't bothered him at all and at this point he might as well be my daughters father. 

Yesterday was my due date so I have officially reached the point of pregnancy where I could go into labour any minute. Luckily Pablo has a few days off so I'm kind of hoping that I go into labour soon so that he can be with me because I really don't want to give birth alone. This morning my back has been hurting more than usual which I have been told is signs of early labour but that could last a hours or even days before turning into active labour. I want to be done with being pregnant so badly that since we woke up I've been getting Pablo to help me do things that induce labour. I have gone up and down the stairs about a million times and we went on a walk so that I could walk with one foot in the road and one on the pavement as that supposedly helps too. 

Someone recommended eating spicy foods so I sent Pablo out to get anything spicy for me to eat but once he'd left the back pain I had started turning into more like cramps all over which was a bit more painful. When I have pain I have been bouncing on a yoga ball so I got up from the sofa and all of a sudden felt liquid rush down my legs which I knew straight away was my waters breaking. Until that moment I'd been feeling quite calm about giving birth but now that it's actually happening I'm starting to freak out as so far it hurts more than I thought it would and my waters have only just broken. Once I calmed down a bit I grabbed my phone and called Pablo straight away as right now I just want him home so we are ready to go when things get more intense plus I need some support. 

"Hey love is everything ok I'm just getting to the store" Pablo answered completely clueless 

"Forget that I need you home like right now my waters have just broken" I said 

"What?" He questioned 

"I'm going into labour you idiot please just come home" I yelled 

"Oh god I'm on my way I'll be as quick as I can" he said 

"Thank you and I'm sorry for yelling I'm just a overwhelmed" I apologised feeling bad 

"It's ok love I'll be there soon to help" Pablo said before hanging up 

It felt like forever before Pablo was home but in reality it was only about 15 minutes until he burst through the door and ran over to be by my side. Just as he got to me I had another contraction so I instinctively grabbed Pablo's hand and squeezed it to help with the pain. As the pain began to fade away I loosened my grip until I was letting go of Pablo's hand who was looking at me with fear in his eyes clearly worrying about me. He helped me sit down as I'd been standing up walking around and got me some water because he didn't know what else to do. I was trying to keep myself calm as I know that's the best thing to do but seeing how worried Pablo was was making me feel bad. 

"What do you need me to do amor?" he asked 

"Everything is already in the car right" I said 

"Yes everything is in the car and the car seat is installed too" he said 

"Ok then I just need you to be here and time my contractions as when they reach five minutes apart we need to go to the hospital" I explained 

"I can do that but please tell me if there's anything else you want" he said 

My contractions stayed quite far apart for a long time but eventually things started to progress and my contractions became more painful and were getting closer together. By the time they were consistently 5 minutes apart it had been nearly 9 hours and it was pitch black outside. Usually at this time Pablo and I would be sleeping but instead we are both wide awake and he's helping me to the car so we can go to the hospital. It really started to feel real once we got in the car as the next time we're home there will be a baby with us in the backseat. There was no time for me to panic though as a contraction hit just as I was beginning to spiral which took my mind off everything but the pain I was feeling. I needed to hold Pablo's hand as for some reason being able to squeeze it makes me feel better and of course he obliged but he looked a bit nervous about having to drive one handed. He drove with a mixture of extreme care and speed as he wanted to be careful and I wanted him to get to the hospital before I have the baby in the car. 

Once we arrived at the hospital everything happened so quickly we were given a room and then what felt like millions of people came in and out to check on me. I was hooked up to all sorts of monitors one to measure baby's heartbeat and another to show when I was having contractions which felt like a cruel joke as now not only could I feel them I got to see a visual representation too. Pablo was trying to be as helpful as possible but there wasn't much he could do other than let me squeeze his hand and rant at him about how much pain I was in. He was such a sweetheart no matter how much I was yelling as he was putting a cold flannel on my forehead and giving me ice chips which were weirdly nice to eat all while giving me encouraging words. 

We were there for another few hours before I was fully dilated and ready to begin pushing. By this point I'd been in labour for over 12 hours and was completely exhausted so when I was told to push I wasn't sure I could manage it with the very little amount of energy I had left. Luckily I had a minute while the nurses were getting themselves ready so I looked up at Pablo hoping to gain some motivation and I was met with his beautiful smile which really did give me a boost. 

"Come on amor I know you can do it, you're so strong, it will all be worth it when she's here in just a few minutes" Pablo encouraged as I was pushing 

"It hurts so much and I'm so tired I don't think I can do it anymore" I panted trying to catch my breath 

"I know carino it will all be over soon but you have to keep going for a bit longer I know you can do it" he said 

"Thats it you're doing so well" Pablo continued 

A few seconds later cries began to fill the room which was the best thing I've ever heard as it meant my baby was here and ok. The nurses then placed her on my chest and I got to see her beautiful face for the first time which was a truly magical moment and something I'll never forget. Tears begin falling down my face as I was so overwhelmed with happiness but they were quickly wiped away by Pablo who when I looked at him also had tears in his eyes which only made me more emotional. It truly felt like this was our little family however unorthodox this was our family and blood relation is never going to make a difference in that. Pablo was allowed to cut the umbilical cord and then the baby was taken from me so she could be weighed and have all the other tests they need to do done. 

"I'm so proud of you you did amazing" Pablo said softly 

"Thank you but I couldn't have done it without you" I said 

"Don't say that I did nothing I just stood here, literally" he laughed 

"Well that's exactly what I needed" I said 

"Pablo I know this might seem a lot and you can definitely take some time to think about it but how would you feel about me putting you on the birth certificate and giving her your last name because she's more yous than that dickhead who provided his dna" I said 

"I don't even need to think about that I would love her to be mine" he smiled 

Suddenly I felt so at ease knowing that I had Pablo to support me and that he was happy to raise my little girl as if she were his own as that had been on my mind for the last 9 months. Pablo truly meant it when that night he told me he'd be here for me and despite everything I couldn't be happier with how it all turned out. 

#pablo gavi imagines #pablo gavi imagine #gavi imagines #gavi imagine #pablo gavi #football imagine #gavi

[paranorahjones]

okay so in the interest of this being the tmi website i'm gonna go ahead and say that the effects of ovulation on women really, really need to be talked about more. so expect some major tmi. sorry but also im not sorry because there is much about ovulation that i wish i had known when i was younger. so if you don't wanna get super intimate super quickly with how my body works, you might wanna skip this one.

pretty much everyone has at least a basic idea of what menstruation entails but it seems like, for the most part, the only knowledge the general public seems to have regarding ovulation is "haha woman horny".

and i mean. that is definitely an aspect of it for a lot of women. that's what the hormones do. but there's SO MUCH MORE.

i'm just gonna talk about this in reference to my own personal experiences. i don't have the scientific knowledge to explain the "why" behind a lot of it, it's just what i experience.

first off: ovulation cramps. they are painfully real. they don't last anywhere near as long as menstruation cramps but for me at least, they are often more intense. they are a more sudden, knife-like pain and they happen in a very specific place in my lower back and down there. they usually only last for a day, but sometimes they're on and off for a couple days.

second: emotional upheaval. you know the memes about shrimp colors? that's what ovulation emotions feel like to me. shrimp emotions. a lot of women experience feeling irritable or super emotional on their periods, and i am definitely one of them. but the majority of the time, my emotions are even more affected by ovulation than menstruation. it's intense. when i'm on my period, the emotions usually manifest as major rejection sensitivity. when i'm ovulating, they most often manifest as grief, but also a myriad of other things. i'm usually a lot more sensitive to the media i consume, and a lot of times this hyper-awareness of my own feelings can be a blessing. depending on where i'm at in my cycle, i often experience a few days of hyper-creativity. being connected and understanding of my hormonal/emotional state helps me to also be more in tune with my creative tendencies. and with ovulation, i'm not distracted by the other symptoms that accompany it (except for the cramps) like i am with menstruation.

thirdly, the one everyone knows about: haha woman horny. ehhhhh . . . for me personally, not really. occasionally, but nowhere near every cycle. that might change when i'm no longer single, but for now it's just not a big deal. the way these hormones affect us vary wildly for every woman and that's normal. if we're being completely honest, i often feel ✨that way✨ more often when i'm on my period than during ovulation.

which. damn. that's gonna be inconvenient.

but anyways, i have a feeling that that has something to do with the fact that a lot of people also desire sex when they're grieving. it's a desire for intimacy in the midst of pain. it sounds weird on the surface, but it makes sense when you think about it.

so yeah. those are my main experiences during ovulation. hopefully this gave you some more understanding on what to possibly expect during ovulation, or an explanation of why you feel how you do during a "random" time of the month that isn't your period.

#it's been a while since i did a tmi post #so here's my best one yet lol #how should i tag this #uhhhhhh #ovulation #menstruation #tw menstruation #women's health #i don't know #hopefully that's enough

[jackharloww]

"through thick and thin” 

TW: depressive thoughts, anxiety. 

The first weeks after giving birth to Gracie were hard; having a newborn baby was not easy. The sadness and emptiness I felt every day only complicated everything. The first days I was so excited about it all, but then came the nervousness of being a mom, and with that followed the anxiety. I thought it was baby blues and would go away after a week, but with Grace’s colic and all the hormone changes my body underwent, the feelings stayed longer than I would’ve wanted. 

Grace cries a lot, and it’s been going on for two weeks. once she starts crying, it takes hours before she stops. Jack and I talked to the doctor, who informed us that it was colic and common during the first six weeks. It would go away on its own eventually, but we couldn’t do anything to make her stop crying other than comfort her. Constant crying and not knowing what to do took a toll on Jack and me. 

I feel sad, and I’m always overwhelmed these days. Guilt is consuming me for feeling this way.  I have every reason to be happy. I have a beautiful little baby girl, and my husband, who loves us unconditionally, is amazing; I have the family I’ve always wanted, so why am I feeling this way? What is wrong with me? I can’t control my emotions even though I try my hardest. These past few weeks, I’ve woken up feeling anxious and irritated, and not only does it affect me but also Jack. He has to deal with Grace crying as well as my daily mood swings and frustration.

Jack tries to help as much as possible. He took some time off work after Grace’s birth and stayed home to be there for us. Even Jack has noticed that I’m not feeling like myself, but he doesn’t pressure me to talk about it. He asks me daily if I’m okay, and when I nod and tell him that I am, he smiles at me, not really believing me. He has noticed the change in me, but he always proceeds to tell me that he’s here for me and tells me to relax more. But how do I tell him that even getting up from bed is starting to feel like a task these days? How do I tell him that the only reason I keep going is for our little girl?  Every time I get out of bed, it feels like I have a heavy weighted blanket on top of me, and the feeling is not going away. 

Today though, Jack had to go to the studio to work on some things; the studio was only 10 minutes away by car, so he assured me he would come home immediately if I needed him to. 

Right now I’m in Grace’s nursery with her in my arms. She’s looking for my breast, indicating that she is hungry, so I sit down in the chair we have in the nursery and lift my shirt to feed her. She latches on to my breast and starts to eat. I rubbed her pretty, chubby cheeks and sat comfortably on the chair. After burping her, she was lying in my arms, looking at me, making small sounds. I’m watching her in my arms, and I’m filled with so much love for her. I love this little creature and I’m going to guard her with my life. Only a few minutes after having a moment with her, my mind got once again filled with intrusive thoughts. Am I taking care of her well enough? Is she eating well? Is she getting a good amount of sleep? Does she feel loved? All the different questions are rushing through my head, and I can’t seem to stop them. She finally falls asleep and I put her in her crib, before going out to the kitchen to do some cleaning.  

Jack messaged me throughout the day asking how everything is going, and now after a few hours of being away, he is calling me on FaceTime. 

”Hey baby, how is it going?” He smiled big at the phone when I answered

”Hi, fine” I gave him a small smile, my hair was a mess, and I was wearing one of his shirts, which was now stained with milk leaking from my nipples. The dark circles under my eyes could be spotted from miles away, but he still managed to look at me like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. 

”Where’s my Gracie baby?” He asked 

”She just went for a nap” I sighed and rubbed my eyes. 

”You should take a nap too. I was thinking we could go out for dinner tonight,” He told me, making me stare into the phone, not knowing what to answer him. It has been five weeks since I gave birth, and we’ve mostly stayed at home. I was overwhelmed and did not feel like dressing up and going out, but I didn’t know if Jack would understand. 

”Hey, what do you say? You got real quiet on me there” He chuckled through the phone. 

”Uhm, I don’t really feel like going out.” I mumbled. 

”Okay babe, I can grab some takeaway and we can have a movie night” Jack answered as he started playing with his beard. 

”Sounds good. How is it going at the studio?” I ask him 

”It feels good to be back, you should hear the beat we are working on, it’s amazing,” Jack said with a big smile, happy to be back. Just as I was about to answer him, Grace’s cries could be heard from the nursery. 

”Jack I’ll call you back soon, She just woke up. Love you” I let out a big sigh as we hang up and go to Grace’s nursery to pick her up.  

”Shh baby, mommy is here” I held Grace in my arms, rocking her gently. Her small cries only got more and louder, and I’m trying everything to get her to stop crying or at least calm down a little, but nothing is working. Why can’t I comfort her? What is wrong with me? With every sob she lets out, the lump in my throat grows as the overwhelming feelings engulf me. The feeling of sadness is again there, and my eyes get filled with tears that I cannot stop from falling. The weight in my chest gets heavier with every sob that I let out. After trying to get her to stop crying for about 20 minutes, I grab my phone and call Jack, he answers after the second ring. 

“Please come home, I need you” I sobbed into the phone as soon as he picked up. Without any hesitation, Jack got up from the studio. Almost 15 minutes after I called, Jack came home and walked straight to the nursery where Grace’s cries could be heard. 

”Jack, What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I make her stop?” I sob as soon as I lock eyes with him. I try to take deep breaths to calm down, but I only seem to be crying more and breathing faster. Jack comes closer to us and puts one of his arms around me, kissing my head. 

”Hey hey hey, come on. It’s going to be okay, we got this” He said and pressed another kiss to my head before trying to wipe away my tears with his thumbs.  

”Go sit down for a while ma’, I’ll handle it” He grabs Grace from my arms and I feel exhausted. What kind of mother am I that I can’t even comfort my child, and get her to stop crying.

”Hey my Gracie baby, daddy missed you so much, yes he did,” He cooed and kissed her tiny hands, pulling her closer to his chest, whilst she continued to cry out. 

”Everything is going to be alright darling, shhh” He started rocking her. 

”Hush little baby don’t say a word, daddy’s gonna buy you a mockingbird” I heard Jack sing as I walked out of the room to go into the shower, needing to calm myself.

Jack stood in the same spot, watching me go. Jack and I have always been good at communicating and talking with each other when something is wrong. The problem is, I don’t know what’s wrong, so if I don’t, how would he? 

Hastily, I took my clothes off before stepping into the shower, letting the warm water release some of the tension in my back. I slid down the shower wall, using it as support as I sat on the floor, letting my thoughts consume me as tears streamed down my face. At some point, I couldn’t hear any cries, which made me somehow relieved, yet the pain in my chest didn’t fade. My eyes caught a glimpse of Jack’s feet making their way towards me, not even hearing the bathroom door open. 

”Oh baby,” Jack came in, immediately shut the water, and helped me stand up. I couldn’t say anything; I could only cry. He grabbed a towel and helped me get into it. 

”I can’t do it anymore,” I sobbed in his arms as he held me closer to him. 

”I’m overwhelmed, Jack,” I let out another big sob. ”I can’t do this,” this time, I didn’t have the energy to hold back from him. At this moment I’m mostly grasping for air and sobbing into his chest. 

Jack pulled me off him for a second and held my face in his hand, making me look at him

”I’m here, look at me. I’m here for you, you’re not alone” he said and wiped my tears, and brought me closer to him once more. 

”What kind of mother can’t get her child to stop crying?” I asked him, the tears not once stopping from falling. 

”Hey don’t say that. This is not your fault” 

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I want it to get easier,” I cried to Jack, holding onto his shirt. He didn’t say anything. He only rubbed my back and kissed my head, calming me down. 

”Come on, let’s get you dressed,” He said after a few minutes. We walked out to our bedroom, and I sat on our bed. He brought out one of his hoodies and a pair of sweatpants. He helped me get dressed, seeing I didn’t even have the energy to do that. 

”Come here” He grabbed my hand and walked me out to the living room, we sat down on the couch, and he gently rubbed my hand. 

”I’m here for you. You have a husband who loves you and a beautiful daughter who loves you more than life itself. And we want you to be happy.” He finally said, ”I don’t understand what it is that you’re feeling, but I’m here for you. Let us try to understand together” He still tried to wipe the tears from my cheeks and kissed me gently. 

”I’m sorry,” I whispered. 

”What are you sorry about? Stop it. it’s okay not to feel okay” 

”I’m sorry you had to come home from the studio, and that I put all this weight on you,” I said feeling remorseful. 

”Stop that, I don’t give a fuck about that right now. You’re my wife and you need me to be here for you, and right here is where I want to be. We got this together. I’m with you through thick and thin.” 

—————

It took some time for me to write this, I wrote and deleted a lot. And my bestie also helped me!! So I hope you like it🥺❤️

#jack fic #jack harlow #jackharlow #jack x reader #jack harlow imagine #jackman thomas harlow #jack harlow story #harlow #jack harlow stories #jack harlow fluff #jack harlow imagines #jack harlow x you #jack harlow x y/n #postpartum #jack harlow concepts

[skywlker-sluvtt]

Hello! Congrats on 500 💘

Can I request B14 and “try to stay quiet understand?” if you would like. With Tech?

Thank you

OMG MY FIRST TECH REQUEST I AM SCREAMING!!!! I'm rewatching the bad batch so currently clone thirsting so hard <333

tech x afab!reader nsfw content below the cut (18+) word count: 1k

prompts: B14 Hands focus + “try to stay quiet, understand?”

Tech was currently at his workbench putting something back together. What was that? You were about to ask him before focusing on how his hands moved around the metal object. He was fixing wires before with such skill his fingers moved effortlessly, not fumbling once. You’d always thought his hand were hot. They were much bigger than yours, you adored it when he didn’t wear his gloves so you could see the few prominent veins that ran across them. He picked up a precision screwdriver carefully twisting something back into place.

You couldn’t help but adore his hands especially when you thought about how they felt on you. “Cyare, do you need something?” He questioned not stopping his movements at all. “N-No” You stuttered being pulled out of your trance, pulling out an extra stool you sat beside him to watch closer. He placed the contraption down before cracking his knuckles and reorganizing his desk. “Do you have a question? You’re staring very intently” He stated. “No, just watching you”

His eyes moved to yours and he followed your gaze to his ungloved hand. “Are you sure? You look quite focused on my hands” He continued. A tinge of pink coated your cheeks as your eyes met his. “Maybe I am” You teased taking his hand and placing his palm against your own to compare sizes. “Your hands are so much bigger than mine, and I like it…alot” You explained. “Of course, my hands are bigger than yours. Due to the fact that men produce more testosterone than women do, men often have larger hands than women. Male and female bodies grow and develop in different ways as a result of the differing hormones” Tech explains and you roll your eyes shaking your head.

“I know that Tech. I’m saying it kinda turns me on how much bigger you are than me, especially your hands” You smirk cutting straight to the point so he realised your intentions faster. “Oh, I see” He replied with a red tint across his cheeks and a small smile. “I just like how they feel on me, touching me” You whispered as he placed his hand atop your bare thigh. Your whole body warmed as he rubbed gently up and down your thigh. “Does that satisfy you dear?” He asked with a smirk.

You giggled and watched his fingers grab at the meat of your thighs gently. “Little bit more” You grin before he snakes his hands higher to meet the hem of your shorts skimming the tips of his fingers over it before continuing to your covered core. “Is that better for you Mesh’la?” He asks rubbing his thumb over your most sensitive area. The fabric rubbed firmly against your clit and you let out a subtle moan.

“Tech p-please,” You sighed aching to be closer to him. “Sit,” He said patting his lap with a somewhat smug look on his face. You gladly sit straddling his lap and discarding your shorts along the way. Pressing a few passionate kisses to his lips he chuckled softly. “Patience my dear” Tech said swiping a thumb across your lip and admiring your features. Rolling your eyes you sighed softly waiting for him to do as you asked. His fingers made your way to your heat at a torturously slow rate. “Is this what you were waiting for?” He asked teasing the edges of your panties, pushing them to the side slowly.

“You’re much more aroused than usual, have my hands really affected you this much?” He mused. “Yes, I love your hands Tech. Think about them all the time” You said resting your head on his shoulder. He moved his thumb through your folds, spreading you open to rub your sensitive pearl causing a quiet whine to leave your lips. He kept focus on your clit for a while and then slipped his index finger into your wet cunt. “Tech!” You sighed arching your back into him. He paused his movements and smirked. “Try to stay quiet, understand? You wouldn't want my brothers hearing would you?” He questioned. You hummed, clenching around his fingers.

“I’ll have to use my hand’s on you more often if you react this way” He mentioned adding a second finger inside of you, starting a steady rhythm against your walls. “Faster” You whined in his ear kissing the sensitive skin of his neck. He curled his fingers deeper feeling the way you throbbed against his fingers. “Very good my darling I want you to cum on my command, understand?” “Yes, kriff yes” You nodded.

Tech moved his thumb to rub against your clit while fingering you. The wet noises filled the small room on the ship. “Baby, I can’t-can’t hold it” You groaned squirming in his lap, rolling your hips against his fingers slowly. “You can my dear, your patience is exceptional” He said softly. He continued finger fucking you at a relentless pace, you grabbed his free hand and squeezed it hard. Your skin heated up immensely and your heart pounded heart hard against your ribs.

“Cum for me Cyare” He whispered eyes focused on your glistening pussy. Holding back moans you finally let go, your body shaking with pleasure as you moaned into his armour-covered shoulder. Your legs trembled with pleasure as your climax settled down and Tech continued to keep his dexterous fingers deep inside of you. “That was remarkable darling, by far one of your longest orgasms” He commented pulling his fingers out of you. You whined at the loss of contact still catching your breath.

He moved his fingers to your lips, covered in your slick he opened your mouth with his other hand. “Suck,” He said firmly, you did as he asked taking his digits into your mouth and licking them clean savouring the salty flavour of yourself. “Good girl,” He hummed retracting his hand from you before you noticed the red light blinking from his goggles. “Did you just record that?” You giggled. “For research purposes as always, would you like me to delete it?” “No, not at all” You smirked. “Good, now I’m not finished. Up on the table for me,” He said helping you onto his workbench. You could barely contain your excitement for whatever he had planned.

#FIRST TECH PIECE <3333 #500 follower celebration #tech 😩 #tech bad batch #tech x reader #tbb tech x reader #tech smut #the bad batch smut

[coldflasher]

Okay I'm sure we all have spent way too much time thinking about speedster biology in various contexts for fic reasons, but you know what I cannot stop thinking about? How does speedster biology affect the menstrual cycle???

It must do, right? It has so many effects on the body---rapid metabolism, speed healing, potentially immortality (let's not open that can of worms again lmao), increased cell reproduction rate, etc. There's no way that it doesn't have some effect on their periods.

We know that speedsters (at least those with penises/testes etc.) can reproduce, so clearly it doesn't cause sufficient havoc to make them infertile---though there is some evidence to suggest that it could make it harder to conceive, since it takes Barry and Iris quite a while to get pregnant with Nora (interesting, since I always kinda figured speedster biology would increase the sperm count, but that's probs more to do with fandom brain rot making me convinced speedsters have a higher libido; not sure there was ever any canon evidence of that).

Realistically they probably did this for TV reasons, because by the rules of fiction, TV characters get pregnant easily when they do not want to, but if they're trying, then it will be incredibly difficult and take months to the point that they're like "ugh, we have to have sex AGAIN i guess even though we'd rather be doing literally anything else" (I'm looking at you Flash AND B99, I hate this trope, if sex is becoming a chore maybe you should uh. not do it for a while?)

Also, Jay Garrick and Joan, the only other speedster/normal person couple we know, don't have kids that we know of. Again, maybe they just didn't want them, maybe they met after Joan was menopausal, not sure we ever got confirmation either way, but that could be a point towards the speedforce affecting the reproductive system.

Anyways, either way the show doesn't address how speedster biology affects periods. They probably never thought about it, honestly; everyone knows characters on TV don't have periods, they figure out they're pregnant due to sudden random morning sickness, not a tampon or period tracking app in sight. But EYE am thinking about it.

If every process in the body speeds up, do they have more frequent periods that are just over really quickly? (Not sure if this would be better or worse than the usual kind? Probably worse, defo more annoying.) And if so, what is the hormonal cycle like? Are some speedsters going through mini PMS cycles on a weekly basis? (My thoughts and prayers are with them if so.) Are their periods super irregular? Do their periods maybe stop entirely at some points, due to the strain of constantly running around and the struggle of eating enough to maintain the body weight required to stay regular? This is something that happens with regular old athletes, so it could definitely happen to a speedster that burns a huge amount of calories and is EXTREMELY physically active.

Also, does the healing factor affect the duration of the period? That's one point in favour of a faster cycle, maybe a lighter flow, reduced cramps?? Imagine how much those period hunger cravings would suck when you already have to eat like 15000 calories a day! Like if I, as a person with a standard metabolism, feel the urge to devour everything in sight at that time of the month, how much worse would it be as a speedster for whom "constantly starving" is the default?

Of course, the most boring option is that they're just normal periods, and that's probably what the writers would say, if pushed. that's the coward's answer, tbh, but hey, maybe their periods are normal.  We never see any of the female speedsters on the show attempt to get pregnant, so again, we can't say if they would have difficulties, maybe they'd ovulate totally normally. Maybe Barry and Iris had issues just because sometimes people do just struggle to get pregnant for whatever reason. either way, it's SO interesting to think about.

Anyway this ramble was brought to you by me working on a fic where Iris becomes the Flash instead of Barry and making a throwaway reference to her having PMS and then being like WAIT. WHAT HAPPENS TO HER PERIOD. INQUIRING MINDS NEED TO KNOW.

#meta #cw menstruation #cw periods #cw pregnancy #cw infidelity

[eldritchamy]

WAIT hold on hi abt the tags on the post about terfs being stupid about periods you reblogged - does HRT really end up causing similar hormone change cycles to periods? i've never heard abt that before and it's kind of boggling my mind because on the one hand why WOULDN'T HRT do that but on the other hand why WOULD it?

So keep in mind I am not an expert on the subject and everything I’m about to tell you is for the purpose of introducing you to the subject matter.

The short answer is yes. And it’s not similar to periods. It’s EXACTLY periods. Caused by the exact same hormones interacting with the body in the exact same way.

So yes it does happen, and it happens because a period doesn’t come from a uterus. It comes from the hypothalamus. A uterus is just the organ most noticeably affected by it. A uterus is not necessary whatsoever to experience period symptoms.

Everyone has a hypothalamus. It’s just a little thing in your brain that does some endocrine/hormone stuff. Under the right hormone conditions, ANYONE can have period symptoms. Not everyone can bleed because you need uterine lining tissue for that (some amab intersex people do! I’ve read at least one account from an amab person who found out they were intersex BECAUSE they had a small amount of uterine lining in their rectum which caused monthly bleeding when they hit puberty).

But literally every other period symptom is fair game.

And yes, that sucks.

If you want quick links to some sources I’ve read about the subject without clicking through for my rambling bullshit, here:

Yes, Trans Women Can Get Period Symptoms (2016)

Cycle Dynamic - Why Trans Women Can Have Periods (2018)

If you DO want my rambling bullshit, buckle up because I’m Very Normal when I find a subject interesting.

The background fact you need to understand the rest of this is that the human body doesn’t actually HAVE separate “versions” of anything for ‘male’ and ‘female’ bodies (I may be using these terms more liberally than they should really be used for ease of reading, but for the record the gender binary is bullshit, which is the point of where this is going). Even a penis is just a modified clitoris. It’s not an analogous structure. It’s literally the exact same organ. (And it does change in response to hormones).

The human body is just the human body. It decides how it behaves based on chemistry, not genetics. There are CERTAIN STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT (namely embryonic/EARLY fetal and puberty) in which major diversions in form and function happen. And of those embryonic is faaaaaaar more significant because it’s what sets the harder to change things (primary sex characteristics) in place. Most secondary sex characteristics can be changed later just by changing the hormone chemistry of your body, which is the entire principle behind why HRT is possible.

At no point ever in the entire span of a human life cycle does anything like “oh okay, you have a BOY hypothalamus :) enjoy :)” happen. You just have the same hypothalamus as everyone else, barring medical conditions.

SO. Basically how it works is your hypothalamus knows how much estrogen is in your body at any given time, and if it notices a spike in that level, it says to itself, “OH SHIT! WE HAVE A MATURE EGG! Time to MAKE SOME CHANGES.”

Your hypothalamus does not know or care whether you have a uterus. It only responds to the estrogen cycle.

Both cis and trans women (and anyone else who either has a working uterus or takes an estrogen supplement, but again, using simple language to get the ideas across) have estrogen cycles.

In CIS women, the estrogen cycle is internal and based on ovulation. TL;DR, your ovaries release different amounts of estrogen throughout the cycle based on the maturity of an egg cell.

In TRANS women, the estrogen cycle is external because we get our estrogen from pills or injections instead of from ovaries, and it’s based on how your body metabolizes that medication. You usually get a big hit around the time you get the dosage and then it tapers off until you take the next dose. Back to this in a second.

IN EITHER CASE, your hypothalamus tracks those changes and responds to them by releasing the period hormones (GnRH (Gonadotropin-Releasing Hormone), FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone), LH (Leutinizing Hormone)) at a certain point in that cycle. When your hypothalamus feels that estrogen spike, it doesn’t CARE where that estrogen came from because it’s not its JOB to know where the estrogen came from. It only cares that it’s there. And you have the exact same hypothalamus no matter what genitals you have.

This next bit is speculation on my part based on experience and anecdotal evidence, but it seems like the greater and more predictable the VARIATION over the course of that cycle, the easier it is for your hypothalamus to be like “AHA! NOW!” and keep you on a regular cycle. Trans women who take INJECTIONS, which are on a much longer release schedule than pills, tend to experience more ups and downs in their estrogen levels and more noticeable, and regular, period symptoms. FOR ME, I’ve only ever been on pills, at a few different dosages. Earlier on I noticed that for (surprise) about 3 to 5 days every month, I would get all kinds of symptoms like headaches, backaches, joint aches, muscle aches, irritability, mood swings, depressive episodes, odd cravings (usually just crunchy and salty but sometimes really specific things), bloating, cramps (yes really), gastrointestinal stuff, etc. I suspect, with no evidence either way, that these symptoms were mild, but I’ve heard other trans women describe their symptoms as much less severe than mine, so idk.

ALSO earlier on, I used to take all of my pills at once, one time per day. I noticed something interesting when I switched to splitting my dosage and taking half twice a day: a huge reduction in severity and regularity of period symptoms. My levels are a lot more consistent throughout the day now, and I guess my hypothalamus can no longer sense a spike in my levels. (It used to be ESPECIALLY severe when I ran out and it took a few days to get my prescriptions refilled, cause then I had an estrogen crash (which gives you symptoms of menopause and wow THAT’S a wild ride, hot flashes are the actual worst) followed by a spike when I got back on them and almost always would have a super noticeable period within days of this happening).

So when I started spreading my dosage throughout the day, I basically made my hypothalamus too confused to know when to release those hormones. Either that or it thinks I’m pregnant. I’m not sure.

Coming back from that tangent.

It is a VERY KNOWN THING that when you take estrogen INJECTIONS, you need to work with your doctors a bit to figure out the exact dosage and timing that works best for you, because a lot of the time what happens with that is you’ll experience pretty severe dysphoria and depression symptoms in the days leading up to your next injection, and if this describes the experience of anyone you know, congrats, that’s PMDD (pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder), and you need your injections to be a few days closer together to prevent those symptoms. It’s literally your body experiencing an estrogen crash because your last dose wore off too long before you got the next one. This is also more common in people who take Progesterone.

The long and short of what happens when your hypothalamus registers an estrogen spike is that it releases the period hormones, which basically among other things go down to your abdomen and say W̶̫̬̒I̶̧̬̤͛Ĝ̴̦͆̽G̴̢̞̈́L̴̩͖̂E̷͇̲̊͐̀. And if you have a uterus, all that wiggling is what makes your uterus cramp up and squeeze out its lining and start bleeding. It ALSO has the delightful side effect of not really caring enough to target the uterus specifically, so it also makes your INTESTINES start cramping up and squeezing themselves, so fun fact that’s where period shits come from if you have those.

Everybody say “thank you, hypothalamus.”

So yeah that’s why it happens. The TL;DR is blame the hypothalamus. The human body is differentiated by chemistry not chromosomes. Put the right chemistry in place and you can absolutely get periods.

And yes, they suck for us too.

[onyx-wyvern]

There’s a lot of those “how to write [x] character if you’re not from [x] community” posts out there but this one is one I only realised like 2 minutes ago so here we go lmao

I already see barely any trans characters in writing BUT one of the biggest parts of trans culture is the concept of dysphoria and how it affects people and how they relieve it. Trans rep in character design can be very obvious or very subtle, but it’s almost always defined by how dysphoria is dealt with across different individuals: top surgery scars, breast implants, cut/grown out hair, baggy clothes, etc. etc. the list goes on.

But I think a key to writing these characters well isn’t asking “how does this character deal with [x] dysphoria?” but instead asking “how does this character create [x] *euphoria* for themself?” I’m transmasc nonbinary, so my examples will relate to my own experience.

Instead of “dealing” with the size of my chest by just putting on a sports bra and wearing a sweatshirt, which wears me out and only worsens the feelings im having by turning it into a chore, I create euphoria for myself by committing to more. Instead of just dealing and making it something to appeal to outside eyes, I think “fuck it, go flat or go home” and bring out every too-small bra and a pair of leggings. I /will/ have a flat chest- not I want to /look/ like i have a flat chest.

I don’t tie my hair back to make it /look/ short, I cut it and style it to make it /be/ short.

Creating euphoria isn’t the same as just dealing with dysphoria, in the same way being isn’t the same as appearing to be.

Obviously for some kinds of dysphoria, it can take longer, be turned into euphoria only by one process, or, unfortunately, cannot be dealt with really at all in a physical way. One thing I can’t really deal with, euphoria or no, is my hands- they’re smooth, soft, and by all means incredibly small and feminine. The easy thing to do is of course to just wear a long-sleeved hoodie and keep the sleeves over my hands, and often times I do.

But sometimes euphoria doesn’t have to be physical, it can also be looking to the future at things that could be done later on; testosterone hormone therapy, or T, redistributes fat deposits and promotes muscle growth— both of which contribute to soft, feminine hands becoming thinner and more masculine. When I see my hands and think “man, this sucks, I can’t do anything about this” I deal with the dysphoria by rolling my sleeves over my wrists—but I induce euphoria by remembering what can be done in the future.

This is just my own experience with dysphoria as a transmasculine person- a transfem person might have wildly different experiences, as would an androgynous enby, and even other transmasc people. I’m only speaking from my own thoughts and feelings on the subject, but I do know that the thought process of “I am creating euphoria, not discouraging dysphoria” is a mindset that’s much more positive and realistic.

And if you yourself are trans and reading this, I want you to reflect on how you deal with dysphoria, specifically on whether you’re dealing with it by dealing with it, or dealing with it by countering it with euphoria instead.

You are your own person, and if you aren’t happy with that then be what you want to be- don’t just /seem/ to be what you want to be. This goes beyond being trans, of course, but when it comes to something as seemingly unshakable and dauntingly overwhelming as trans dysphoria, it can be a uniquely— and often horribly— lonely experience.

There’s days where I can’t put in the effort to give myself euphoria, and that sucks. It really really sucks. But whenever I can, that little spark of joy, that little spark of hope, makes it just a little more bearable each time.

If you made it to the end of this unedited wall of text, holy shit thank you. But also, remember to give yourself a little bit of euphoria every once in a while. Show dysphoria that this is your body, not its. And, especially if you’re pre-everything, remember that if you can’t do something today, the future can always have other plans for you.

#trans #transgender #transmasc #ftm #transfem #mtf #nonbinary #dysphoria #euphoria #trans euphoria #long post

[on-a-sunbeam]

So please correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think Alias ever really talked about how awful the whole doubling process would be? Like, the actual process itself would probably be pretty painful, sure, but remember going through puberty and having your body adjust to all that? Except this time your entire DNA is being changed. But not your brain, apparently. (WHICH, while I'm rambling, according to this report, you 100% can identify different brains from each other. In Alias, however, they say you can only tell if someone's a double through their eyes, which means that the person's actual brain is also changed, so I guess Alias just casually tried to tell us that souls or something of that ilk do, in fact, exist, and then never mentioned that again)

Which puts us in a very unique position! Because your brain's shape is now different, it's literal dna is different, and that does affect you as a person, except no?? It doesn't effect the doubles? As far as we see they're the same person. Ignoring the way more fun option of this does effect the doubles and maybe they start to show traits that the original had which would've been SO much fun but whatever, let's just say that your brain shape/makeup doesn't matter. Everything you do, everything that makes you you comes from something else. Your soul, your spirit, Rambaldi controlling you like a video game character, whatever.

This would make being a double really, really suck. Because your consciousness just got poured into this new body, essentially, which means that you have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA HOW TO USE IT. The proportions are just wrong, first of all. Maybe the original's legs are a little longer. Now you have to walk up a flight of stairs, and not only are their legs longer, maybe they're a little thicker. Maybe they have a bad knee that you never knew about. Maybe they work out a lot and their legs are way stronger than yours were. Even if you guys were exactly the same height and lived exactly the same way, you would still have fundamentally different legs.

But for the sake of argument let's give them the benefit of the doubt and say okay, so maybe you still have your soul/consciousness/whatever, but that just contains your memory and personality and what not. All of the physical aspects are controlled by your brain, which should be suited to your body either way because that's how the process works. (Disclaimer: I am not a scientist and have no idea what I'm talking about) Okay, fine. That's fair. Except...even if your brain can move your legs perfectly, wouldn't it still be terrifying to remember that this isn't how they normally move? Your body might be perfectly functional, but your mind still wouldn't be used to functioning it.

(And this is all very sudden, too! I mentioned puberty earlier, but that is something that a) still takes place in your own body, with your own brain. It's hormones changing, not DNA. And b) might come faster for some people, but you know, generally takes a little longer than a couple-hour long surgery)

Also if we were to go that route, what would happen if the original person say, had some mental condition? That's a brain thing, not a soul thing. Your physical brain is now the same as theirs, so would you inherit that too?

In conclusion: local idiot rambles about how Allison should've misjudged a step and fallen down a flight of stairs and gotten adhd from Francie.

#i um. don't know that any of this is coherent. #i just think about it sometimes #alias #but sometimes i want SO BADLY to see allison do something and go ??? #and then be just absolutely terrified when she realizes that hey this is something francie used to do #just!! losing your sense of self but it's STILL YOU!! #and other people say ah yes. this is right. this is how it ought to be #and i get it. i know that irina was having her do a job #but sometimes it's just like oh wait no this is literally the trans experience (tm) #you're just living your life comfortably until something or someone says no. you have to change (in this case irina) #and you do not get a choice!! so you do #and it's still YOU. but you look different and it's wrong and IS it? #and it can be terrifying! #and some people will say no this is right and some people will agree with you and say this isn't right actually let's get you back #but see that's the thing also you can't ACTUALLY go back. you can go forward sure you can go towards something else #but if you're trans you can never go back to how you were as a kid! that's not how that works you HAVE to go forward! #but allison is so tragic bcos she never gets to go forward either! she's stuck looking like that until she dies! #I JUST. #anyways. my incoherent rambling is over. (for now)

[theambitiouswoman]

i have been struggling with my anxiety more than usual, and there are days where i just wake up anxious. . . do you have any tips on how to help with that? i’d really appreciate it! 🫶🏻✨

Hi angel, I have dealt with and sometimes still deal with a lot of anxiety, so I am going to give you tips and advice that I have learned and work for me. Please remember I am not a mental health professional.

Waking up with anxiety is typically associated with high cortisol levels (stress hormone) which could be do to life stress, bad sleep, substance issues, physical issues or other mental health disorders, to name a few.

You can start incorporating new habits to help reduce your anxiety.

Exercising regularly: Exercise helps alleviate a high anxiety level, by diverting your attention from what’s making you anxious, Activating executive functions in the brain, Decreasing muscle tension, Altering brain chemistry, Regular exercise builds up resources in the body that help increase resilience to erratic emotions. Exercise actually changes your brain chemistry by increasing the availability of neuro chemicals that work against anxiety.

Meditation and breathing exercises: There are different ways to do meditation, and they can help with feeling anxious. Even if you just spend five minutes each day meditating or doing deep breaths, it can make you feel better. Try meditating every morning prior to tackling your day.

Change your diet: The things we eat and drink can affect how we feel and how well our bodies work. Our bodies make chemicals that affect our mood and how we function, and these chemicals are influenced by the food we eat. Some foods can help reduce anxiety are: Brazil nuts, Eggs, Pumpkin seeds, Chamomile (a kind of tea), Yogurt, Turmeric (a spice), Dark chocolate, Fatty fish like mackerel and salmon.

Less TV & phone time before bed: Spending too much time on screens, like phones and TVs, can make your anxiety worse. You should stay away from electronics for 1-2 hours prior to going to sleep. Electronics stimulate the part of your brain that suppresses the production of melatonin, making it difficult to turn off your brain. Additionally, put your phone on DND.

Avoid alcohol and other drugs: Alcohol and caffeine can worsen mood or anxiety. Focus instead on drinking plenty of water. Limit caffeine intake in the afternoon and evening, and consume alcohol in moderation.

Try journaling: If you feel really busy with thoughts when you wake up in the morning, try this before you sleep: write in a notebook for a few minutes. It can help your brain feel calmer and you might sleep better. This might make you feel less anxious when you wake up.

Have a morning routine: If you feel anxious in the morning because things seem messy or you're worried, try making a plan for your mornings. This can help you feel more in charge. You can also make a list of things when you're worried about them. Sometimes, being afraid you'll forget something important makes anxiety worse. But when it's written down your mind can feel better.

Get enough sleep: The worry of feeling anxious in the morning and upcoming stressful decisions might stop you from sleeping or cause them to have trouble sleeping. Sleeping better and getting enough sleep can really help how you feel and your mental health. Make sure you are getting 7-9 hours of sleep.

Have a bed time routine: Having a bedtime routine can make you less anxious because it gives you a plan and things to expect before you sleep. Your bed time routine should include self care activities, this will sooth you and help you feel more confident too. When you do the same things in order every night, your mind and body feel calmer because they know what's coming.

Hope this helps <3

#anxiety #mental health #morning routine #bed time routine #exercise #health and wellness #healthy living #health tips #health is wealth #relaxation #stress #meditation #diet and fitness #nutrition #self care #self improvement #self help #selfhelp #self love #self love journey #personal improvement #personal development #journaling

[skrunksthatwunk]

your thoughts on goromi and kazumi? :3c

ok sorry it took me a day to respond it's because when i saw this (and periodically afterwards when i remembered this ask) i legitimately just (out loud, late at night) went

GOD. FUCK. GOD I LOVE WOMEN!!!!!!!!! I LOVE WOMEN I LOVE WOMEN I LOVE WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!! AND I LOVE MY GENDERQUEERS AND I LOVE MY TRANSVESTITES AND MY TRANS PEOPLE AND MY DRAG ARTISTS I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!

because i didn't know how to verbalize this image that appeared immediately in my mind but which i also had to make myself

literally any of those interpretations of goromi and/or kazumi are incredible gorgeous scrumptious. i was gonna end it there but i gotta reiterate some things actually oh my god i love them so so much

i figured out i was genderfluid right before i first played kiwami so goromi literally changed my brain chemistry

like i don't think i CAN put it into words how much goromi means to me. she's incredible. what the fans have done with her is incredible. i never finished it but i was planning on making a massive post on my relationship with gender and goromi and what she means to me but i can sum it up. im gonna (numbered) list some needs and then talk about how goromi hits each one. (so like 1-4 (general) then 1-4 (goromi))

i have never encountered nor heard of a genderfluid character within canon media. not even a character that uses multiple pronouns. the closest situation to it are shapeshifters, and even then their other genders are more like disguises than "openly same person just different gender/expression", so it doesn't scratch that itch for me and i never really related to them much, nor to even the occasional fictional nonbinary person. i didn't really relate much to transmasc people and their experiences either. honestly, the stuff that grabbed me most were transfem stories, which i didn't understand because im afab (turns out im transfem AND transmasc. i know that's unconventional but you're just gonna have to trust me on it bc im not elaborating rn <3). it's not as if i don't have transmasc-typical experiences or feelings, but it's like. it's different. hell my genderfluidity doesn't even present very much like what I've seen from other ppl. what the fuck. so basically no man is an island except for me okay.

when i go into media expecting queer rep, i tend to be underwhelmed by it. im not sure why exactly, but i tend to enjoy non-canon stuff more for whatever reason, even as i yearn for actual representation. the result of this is that the rep i tend to be most affected by is stuff i stumble into on accident, canon or not, so my expectations/feelings develop more naturally. it's not an exact science, but it's there.

(i think some of the aforementioned issue also comes from the ways rep is done. like maybe they're sapphic, but they're usually both cis and gender conforming (not even gay-looking femme either, like. cishet normie style. hallmark type gay, for lack of a better term) and neurotypical, so their experiences are vastly different from mine. i just tend to latch onto them less than I'd like (i imagine this goes even more for poc because oh my god is (western) sapphic . media like. very very white). basically, i lack investment in them because they lack the texture i need to get a foothold in it)

one of the main problems i have faced as a genderfluid person is a lack of direction in regards to transition. I've never seen it talked about but there's no way for me to ever get a body i am going to be consistently satisfied with, given current technology. the best i can do is try to straddle several common gender demands and compromise between them. if i want to cut my hair, i have to live with it tomorrow, when it might give me dysphoria. if i take hormones, it'll be slow to take and slow to stop. surgery is permanent. it's not that there's no solutions, but i just. can't be the person i want to be at all given moments, or even most of them, because doing anything at all takes from something else. and so when the closest thing we have to genderfluid rep is shapeshifters, it doesn't feel like rep to me because it's a completely unattainable fantasy, and one that disregards one of the primary issues i face given my identity, one I've never seen represented

I've never seen a character that a significant amount of people headcanon as any kind of genderfluid or multigender. i don't really know that many people with such identities either. so even within fandom spaces, where queerness can be more evident/daring, it's a rare thing to see, and never reoccurs within the same character much

im not gonna lie i just really like majima in general okay. and kiwami hyped me up so hard on its queercoding so any little thing got me howling and crying and pointing vigorously.

speaking of which i FUCKING LOVED YAKUZA back then (still do <3) but i literally knew no one who played it and didn't engage with it online other than scrounging pinterest (which was rough but also shoutout to that comment on a majima post that was like "so there's this he/she 😳" you literally actually changed my life and also made me soo so much more transgender. lime it was already there but it got multiplied. thank you i would actually kiss you in real life mwah) so like any queer rep that's good or close enough is gonna rock my world. I'd already talked to rina (that sapphic hostess) and kiryu saying gay rights and her talking about her actual issues was fucking. i cried actual tears over that man it meant a lot to me. not the point rn though

okay i think that's enough. here's how goromi engages with these points

look idk what it is but goromi FUCKS gender wise. big scary gruff nasty yakuza man in the streets, absolute BABE in the sheets. she's gender nonconforming as fuck and she's. god i love her. she's so interesting, the way she's both a disguise and fully just majima for real in a way the other disguises aren't. like she puts so much more design and thought and personality into goromi's clothes when she coulda just gone to party city and grabbed Hostess #1 y'know? she's the same person, but her mannerisms change in ways i relate to. it's intentional and it's not intentional and i love her she's complicated and again gnc femininity is actually super my jam apparently so that's it that's the itch scratched. more in point 4

full disclosure i technically knew about goromi beforehand and was very prepared to fall in love with her, like heart racing clearing my schedule kinda prepared, and i wasn't disappointed. i wasn't expecting it to be like... so good, y'know? like i got my hopes up, i just was kinda also bracing for something queerphobic to happen (which can happen, but it didn't for me), and instead the encounter was really affirming and tender and wonderful and romantic and i really fucking liked it ok. maybe she wasn't supposed to be more than a gag character, i don't know. but there's a lot of genuineness in what she says and how she acts. she feels real, she makes sense like this, and im not alone in seeing that significance. and people took it and ran with it beautifully, because they found something meaningful in that (see 5)

it helps that i was already really invested in majima as a character. he has a LOT of texture and frankly this series can't write or treat its women well so like. we'll make one i guess (transes your fave). a lot of female characters (and a lot of mainstream queer ones as well) tend to be kinda sanitized in certain ways, or just don't have a lot of room for personality elements that could be divisive or non-marketable, if that makes sense. they can't be "ugly" or "annoying" or "cruel" or "gross" or "bitchy" or anything else. my favorite female characters are ones that are allowed to be weird and unpalatable!!! they're wonderful!!!! let women be shnarsty 2k23. and goromi is anything but bland <3

this one's big. goromi has to wake up tomorrow and be a patriarch. she has to keep her men in line. for all the confidence and glamor of the butterfly of the night, she's gotta take it all off tomorrow. maybe when she's not ready for it. maybe she can't do all the stuff she want to with her presentation because of her job, or because she's predominantly guypilled, or whatever. a lot of it for me comes down to her goatee. it's not just that she's gender nonconforming (though that reading is in and of itself deeply refreshing), it's also that she may face some of the limitations in expression that i do, in a way I've never seen expressed before. she has to pick and choose. is she gonna want that goatee tomorrow? is it worth it to shave it off only to feel weird without it? is it worth the time it takes to grow it back? she's no shapeshifter, and it can very well cause her problems. but she still radiates beauty and confidence, y'know? i love her :)

this one's really important too. i have never seen so many people see my (often OUR) experiences in a character like this before. she's WIDELY headcanoned as bigender, genderfluid, etc, and people love her so much. i am not alone in loving her for very gender specific reasons, and the fan content I've seen really resonates so much with me. sometimes when im down I'll just... dig through goromi content. she's a great pick me up, even when her stories aren't completely happy. the myriad ways people interpret her and her identity and how/when it came to be, the self discovery, the confidence, the insecurity, the compromise, the vulnerability!!! the GENDER. (god the outfits they put her in. stop im already dead. im so endeared to her you have no idea. but you probably do and THATS the magic, baby) i have found solace and camaraderie and belonging in people's content of/for her, and im not alone. seeing that passion and excitement is so profound to me, even more so than it usually is with art and community and fan spaces (which is already a lot). when i mentioned i was making a "what goromi means to me as a genderfluid person" post (the one that got scrapped oops lol), someone responded saying they, as a bigender person, also really loved goromi for that. it meant a lot to me to see. genderqueer readings of goromi are obviously not universal and there's for sure transphobia within the rgg fandom, but I've never seen such a large force of people united in not just a trans interpretation, but a genderqueer AND genderweird interpretation. WE THE GENDERFUCKS LOVE HER IS THE POINT

not much to say here besides: this is why marginalized rep matters in all media (rather than just designated gay zones), because seeing it grow/appear in media that means a lot to you makes you feel like you're being seen as a fan. you matter and are a part of that world. i think it especially makes sense as part of a big/long running franchise as well, as a part of adapting to a changing society and an acknowledgement of past gaps and work to correct it. it's also good to get a wide variety of voices and experience portrayed, and that's easier when more people are doing it.

related to above but this one's short but it's one thing to have a side character in an rgg game be queer and accepted, and it's another for a main character to be so queercoded, and accepted within canon, at that. i think that's part of why people care so much about how mine's lines and story are translated and depicted, as well, though that's another tangent for another time

umm other goromi points speed round

number one i have SUCH a big lllllllesbian crush on her oh my god. i love womne. two the visual art these people make of her is insane. like they UNLEASH. three the fan writing surrounding her is also so good mwah thanks y'all four i watch the goromi all answers somewhat frequently fun fact about me five if any character is getting a shrine in my house it's her. kiryu's a second. i need to see this woman all the time im not fucking around six her voice is soooo pretty to me seven why did they put her in the worst lighting in her intro. not important she serves always but that was really strange like she's pretty don't be scared of it. embrace it seven 80s goromi content drives me insane I've posted about it before but it's so fuckinf good eight t4t kazumaji is always going to be incredible and flavors where goromi exist are impeccable. same for saemaji. equality nine i love how she screeches and cackles and wears "gaudy" clothing i love how instead of trying to be the "perfect woman" she's like fuck it im gonna be myself it's like that post about that trans guy who wants to be one of those men who's house has a bunch of disassembled cars in its yard just loving the mundane and the unconventional or unconsidered elements of gender because it feels so good to explore that even if others take it for granted ten HARUKA + AUNT GOROMI CONTENT >>>>>>>!!!!!!!! eleven i love women and i love queens and i love queers uhhh i think that's most of it for now

kazumi time

i also love women. i love kazumi. i love her so so much. much like goromi there's a handful of ways to interpret her identity-wise and they're all fantastic.

something I've noticed about the series while trying to scheme up sapphic/"genderbend" (i mean it's? not the most accurate term but it's as close as i can get. "sexbend but they're cis" is i guess also it but like. they don't have to be cis? anyway) content for these characters is that a lot of the ways they live their lives and express themselves are very tied to a particular kind of masculinity. so like, take kiryu. kiryu's pretty gender conforming, and his job is to be a big strong man who protects the weak. he's expressed feeling pressure due to gendered expectations before. how would one go about an "everyone knows she's a woman + transphobia is not relevant (i.e. a cis woman kiryu or i guess just. really early transition kiryu? idk)" version of her? because she would not have these same expectations living as and being seen by the world + the yakuza as a woman, right? is she gender conforming, or gnc? is she butch or nah, i guess. and i think majima's relationship to goromi has some overlap, with like,, how he is only able to do yakuza things as a man and fun girly stuff as a woman, how she's an outlet/persona (or everyone just thinks she is).

this is to say that people seeing goromi (as she's allowed some wiggle room by being both more mischievous/deceptive and queercoded in a more feminine way) and seeing her and kiryu's dynamic and going oh bitch. it's makeover time and pulling him in is GREAT because it's fun and hrngh women sexyhot but also fascinating in regards to like,, how kiryu as a character relates to gender. I've seen a few interpretations (namely @squishylemonbubbles ) that view kazumi as a sort of way to put the sword and shield down and just... be. be taken care of, even. to be softer in ways she can't be as a man due to her environment. and i LOVE that shit. and then some people are like idk she's a bad bitch though let her have some gender too and that's ALSO GREAT. i like it when people explore her with goromi as a guide/catalyst, though i think it'd be cool to have her do things a little more independently of goromi/majima/kazumaji stuff just for the sake of it. i love her. people should draw/write about her way way way more often and maybe just exclusively from now on and i think maybe I'll be satisfied. i should do that too

bonus thought: we should do this for way more yakuza characters. you're telling me NO ONE has done saejima yet. I've never seen her. no daigo no akiyama no ichiban etc (i was gonna say nishiki but i actually HAVE seen hostess nishiki..... once... <3). c'mon. t-boy swag/drag king haruka also has a lot of potential but i think ppl never do it partially because there's no women in this series so like. endangered species

anyway im not kidding i actually was derailed for a while just going OUHOUUUGHHH I LOVE WOMEN when i first got this and it was a delight getting to answer this, thank you x (also sorry it was so long? anyway im gonna edit this and link to some of my goromi and kazumi content, of which there is too little, because i love them so so so so much. ok bye)

(ok here's some of my goromi and/or kazumi posts. some of them are old and im not proud of them all anymore but that's okay. they may not much but they're honest work. in approximate most recent -> least recent order)

NEW and referenced in i think the tags of this post: 80s goromi kazumaji disco meet cute (meet ugly? tbd)

misc doodles ft 80s goromi AND girlboss nishitani

goromi pink truck dialogue

squishy's kazumi design 1 (ft goromi and haruka)

squishy's kazumi design 2 (but it's just kazumaji this time)

she was a boy and he ate. worms

screaming into the void about drawing kazumi

^^similar but for goromi (actually im redrawing this atm bc i never posted it)

80s goromi text post

another goromi wip i didn't finish oops lmao

wigless goromi wigless goromi

goromi kiryu post-fight printcircle

misc goromis

aunt goromi

unfinished wip teaser i was super confident about and then never finished oops lol anyway it's more goromi

#thanks for the ask!! #i love women #rgg #ryu ga gotoku #kazumi #goromi #i didnt really edit this so i hope it makes sense sorry #just remembered i got distracted redrawing some old doodles of goromi earlier. effervescent timing #ok i think im done for now. might come back to add other ppl's life changing cream of the goromi crop content but i gtg to bed #honk shoo honk shoo and all that

[ficfanatictrf]

The Night Stand (Part 11)

Summary: Nothing lasts forever

Word Count : 1.5k

Edited and Proofread by nobody

---- ---- ---- ----

For the next week, it was like the two of you simply could not keep your hands off of each other. With how your stomach was rapidly expanding to hold the child, as well as with how open the two of you finally were about your affections. There was hardly a moment together where you both weren’t touching in some way. 

Where before you could tell the baby was there because of your own feelings, it was becoming easier and easier to see in the mirror. Apart from your body changing to accommodate the child, you were surprised to find that anytime Viktor had his ear to your stomach - wishing to talk with his child. You could feel how it responded, kicking and wiggling about anytime Viktor’s voice was near. 

Softly whispering in his native tongue, it wasn’t hard to hear and see the unfiltered love and adoration he felt. You had never seen him so soft, the way his eyes would sparkle anytime the little one would kick in response, the times you would see a few tears slipping down his grinning face. 

It was almost too much. 

With how spoiled you felt from him, the way he was adding more and more for himself to do, you could hardly believe that this was the man you would be marrying. Just like how he had taken over the role of cooking and cleaning, you would then find times where the two of you would be sitting together and he would start to massage whatever was closest to him at the time. Back, ankles, feet, and more, anytime he saw even a hint of discomfort he was quick to ease the pain you were experiencing. 

And yet, it seemed quickly your body was finally getting used to the changes. 

You were for sure still tired, finding you weren’t back to your usual levels of energy, but it did start to make you restless after spending so much time at Viktor’s home. 

And what did he offer to do the moment you voiced that? But a walk to the lab. 

Anxiety bubbled inside you. 

You had yet to go back since your resignation and still Viktor acted like nothing as amiss. 

With his cane in one hand and your waist in the other, the man dotted on you as you both made your way inside. 

“Now, I know you will more than likely want to look at a lot of what we have been doing. However, I am rather…against you being close to a couple of them as I am not sure how they would affect a pregnancy. They might be completely harmless but I am not willing to test it on our child.” 

“You worry so much Viktor, I am sure you wouldn’t be using something for your inventions unless it was safe” 

The man simply let out a long and tired sigh as he was also nervous himself, but for completely different reasons to your own. 

With a hand on your waist and a quick kiss to your temple, the man held the door open for you both to enter. 

At first, everything was how you remembered it. That was till those working became aware of the two of you in the doorway. Rushing from their seats, you were both soon having question after questions hurled at you both on where you had been. 

“Please, please, give them some space” Viktor cut in, moving to position himself more in front of you to wave others back. Concern etched on his face as he glanced back at you to check on how you were. 

With a soft nod, you hoped he understood that you were fine. Which judging from how the tension in his shoulders eased a little, meant that he was able to understand. 

“Ah, glad you are visiting, I didn't expect to see you here ever again. How is the pregnancy going?” 

You weren’t sure if it was the hormones still rushing through your body from the pregnancy or if you really were just that happy to see him. But as Jayce approached, you found yourself racing to hug the man with all your strength. 

It wasn’t hard for you to be aware of the fact that many times, it had been Jayce’s influence that had been the thing that saved your relationship. 

Soft taps of Viktor’s cane followed after you, which was to be expected. 

Quick to pull out a chair for you, Viktor held out a hand for you to take- the ease yourself down without just plopping down on the chair. The little action not being unnoticed by Jayce who raised a brow at the whole interaction. 

Their relationship was closer than friends, more akin to brothers. Yet, there had never been a time that he had seen Viktor this attentive to anyone else. He was always off in his own world when it came to his ideas, sometimes not even acknowledging when people were talking to him. 

Yet, here he was. Eyes constantly glancing over at the person with him to assess every little flicker of emotion. 

“Yes, well, we will get to that in a moment.” Viktor started, you hearing the slight inflection in his tone. Slightly higher than normal as he was excited about whatever it is that he was going to talk about. 

“I had talked to you about creating my own separate division in Hextech that would be working on non-profit work and charity.” With a nod from Jayce, his eyes glancing towards you, it was clear that he could already see where this was going. 

“I would like to introduce you to our new Director of Special Initiatives-” 

Jayce went to open his mouth to congratulate you or anything. 

“And my fiancée”

And just like that, whatever he had been about to say was thrown from his mind as his eyes widened. Laughter bubbled up, cheerful and shocked as he got up to hug the pair of you. Even as he tried, he could not get an intelligent word out. Far too flabbergasted by the fact that you two had somehow been able to talk about everything enough to get to this point. 

“I..I can’t believe it…after the whole one night stand thing and then the pregnancy. Shit, I honestly didn’t think it would ever end well.” He disbelievingly mumbled as he slumped back into his chair. 

With a soft smile, you nodded - agreeing that this had all been rather chaotic. “I don’t doubt it. I am just so thankful that my resignation didn’t cause too many issues for the two of you” 

“Resignation?” 

Your confusion to what Viktor said was nothing compared to the absolute terror that took over Jayce’s expression. Already getting up as he knew that this wasn’t going to end well. 

“Vik, just hear me out.” 

“They resigned?” 

“I figured they just needed time” 

“And you knew?!” 

“I figured it was for the best” 

“So every time I talked to you about how we needed to change things around the lab for when they returned you knew they weren’t!? You could have told me many times before! Such a fool I must have looked like to you” 

Eyes snapped down at you, remembering all the times where he had spoken with such hope at the idea of coming to work together, or creating inventions together. To know that you hadn’t come clean about any of it as well hurt. 

It hurt more than he wanted to admit as he had started to allow himself to believe that you were never keeping anything from him anymore. 

“And to you. Listening to me rambling on and on about our future plans when you weren’t even planning on coming back.”

Reaching out for his hand, it was wrenched away the moment you touched it. Like it was burnt from the skin to skin contact alone. 

“Jayce, please take them back to their apartment. I need some time to think” 

Panic

Pure panic. 

That was all you felt as he turned and headed for the door. 

“V-Viktor, please wait. I- that was weeks ago.” 

With how roughly he opened the door, you felt your blood run cold. Which was only lessened slightly by the fact that when he turned his head to address you, there wasn’t anything cold or hateful like you had been expecting. 

Just the look of someone tired and worn out. Someone who you now could see was on the brink of collapsing from how hard he had been pushing himself these past weeks. 

“Snúbenica, give me one night. I will see you in the morning, but I need some time…I need to think.” 

And with that he was gone.

---- ---- ---- ---- Taglist : @cheeriecherrymain @fairy-writes @thehistoriangirl @aikoiya @piperdoodles @alternate--simp @linky-dinks @bruh-anator3000 @somethingthatsaysbubbles @vigilentballofpassion @nunyabeeswaxsblog

#viktor arcane #arcane viktor #arcane viktor x reader #arcane viktor x you #viktor league of legends #viktor x reader #viktor x reader arcane #viktor x y/n #viktor x you #viktor #arcane #arcane fanfic #arcane lol #arcane viktor x fem!reader #viktor arcane x y/n #viktor arcane x reader #viktor arcane x you #viktor arcane fanfic #viktor fanfiction #viktor fanfic #arcane x reader #arcane x female reader #arcane x you

[tekatonic]

how i feel when i'm talking about my au :

and to think y'all on here don't even know what chaos flow is yet

(text transcript below the cut)

" i am potentially inventing the chaos energy equivalent of prescribed hormones/puberty blockers and body dysmorphia and somehow this may be even more controversial and have even less reach for free speech because there are probably less than 10 people on the entire sonic planet directly affected by the consequences is this a bad idea ? maybe technically this isn't transgenderism somehow because it's blood type equivalent, HOWEVER imagine your doctor tells you have to change your blood type to be able to treat a medical issue, and like, doing that is changing the way your body foundationally works, and it's gonna be potentially really bad on your ( physical and/or mental and/or spiritual ) health ( varies person to person ), and make you feel WRONG, because that's not who you are !!" "and because this is allowed by law, and there are like 10 people affected, there are no ways to really find a solution to the medical practice and it's kind of complex as an issue because !! the practice itself exists because it's extremely unreliable to treat someone that has changing blood types ! you need to be able to regulate that if you want to be treated ! so then what do you do ?? try to be treated anyway and potentially fuck up your whole body forever, ignore the issue and don't get treatment which depending on how severe you could end up with a chronic illness or worse, or take the prescription and potentially fuck up your whole body in a different way that you could either somewhat adapt to or absolutely not adapt to and end up with wholly different issus that could be just as bad all this to say : people with Conditional chaos flow are medically fucked"

#i am not including the second part of the meme because i don't feel like this surprises anyone that knows me well #sonic emerald guardians au #teka rambles #remind me to explain all this when i'm done with the scheduled posts